#it’s gone 1am and I’m tired and I would like to sleep but I literally just can’t

[abitofboth]

pls pay no mind to the tags this is just a vent post to get some things out<3

[tommyspeakycap]

again, your new john stones fic blew me away!!! Amazing. Please feel free to write about him all day every day!! <3

thank you again!! here’s another sweet one inspired by my own 1am experience tonight :) i wish I had a john stones

My hero

Your heart is quite literally thundering in your chest. There’s no feeling like it, this kind of fear that sticks you to the ground beneath your feet. You honestly feel like you can’t catch your breath, tears streaking down over your flushed cheeks as you hold your phone in your right hand with trembling fingers, one thumb finally letting go of the little microphone shaped drawing in your iMessages app. Even the whooshing sound of the message you knew was about to send to your best friend catches you off guard, making your shoulders clench and raise in fright.

“Are you seriously alright??”

She texts back, her confusion and teasing is something you know is laced into those letters across the screen creating a glow in the dim room. You roll your eyes at her, trying to keep your vision up while sending another voice note back; “No, seriously. Why does this only ever happen when I’m alone??”

“Probably because you live alone?” She replies back, and you curse yourself for a choice of friends who clearly have no empathy for what you consider to be a very serious situation. You know you won’t hear the end of this teasing once it’s all over. But the fear to you is all too real.

“(Y/n) I got your text! Came right here, are you alright?”

The sudden voice makes you literally clench your entire body, nearly shooting off the floor in fright and making one of those internalised fear noises that sounds like you just been attacked with a taser. You hear keys dropping down by the door and then a pause of his footsteps as you try to catch your breath. Your heart swells a little at the thought of him being here.

“John!” You yelp, your voice coming out something more like a strangled cry. The tall defender hears that sound and finds himself in panic, those long legs carrying him quickly and easily up the stairs of your small home until he spots you standing now in the doorway of your bedroom. He rushes towards you, seemingly checking you over for potential injuries the best he can in the darkness only broken by the lowest setting of flashlight on your phone. The first thing he notices when checking over your face with his hands is the wetness still making its way over your cheeks.

“Are you alright? what happened? Is there someone in there? Are you okay? Did someone hurt-“

You cut off his rambling with a finger over his lips, creating even more confusion for the fluffy haired brunette who had very clearly rolled himself out of bed to hurry over here. He was wearing shoes without socks, dirty shorts from training that he’d thrown off before going to bed only to pull back in to come to your, and an old sweater that usually sat somewhere downstairs in the closet closest to the door. It was obvious he had come in a wild rush the second he got your erratic message.

“It’s a wasp, John!” You whisper, as if the little creature that sitting on your lightbulb unwilling to move from the place you couldn’t reach and wouldn’t dare to even if you could, was able to hear you.

“A wasp?” John repeats incredulously. “Seriously?”

You nod vigorously, and and as much as the exhausted footballer wants to complain or even sigh at you, he doesn’t. Maybe he can’t. Because he’s got his arms around you and he definitely can feel you quivering against him. He had expected something more along the lines of a one night stand gone wrong or even someone breaking it, but as his consciousness began to catch back up with his previously very sleepy self, it made a lot more sense. In the event of a break in, you would probably have been bloody calmer than you are now to be honest. John had seen you after a pretty dangerous car crash completely still and relatively calm as you gave statements to police officers with blood still trickling down your face. But put an insect in your path and you scaled the closest thing to you for protection.

It just so happened that closest thing was often John Stones, and he was happy to be that person really.

It has become a norm between the two of you in the years you had been friends. Winter was the worst for spiders, but he generally didn’t mind the mildly irritating insects. He just got rid of them one way or another while you hid as far as you could get and then he’d come get you when the coast was clean. But you hated summer for this particular reason.

Wasps.

They fly in, fly into things and somehow never make it back on the window on their own despite it being the most easy thing one could ever imagine. Then, they try and sting you as if they aren’t in your house. They just creep you out, even the sight of them with their nasty little bodies. Bees aren’t a problem, they’re fuzzy looking and don’t intrude in your home nearly half as much. Also, they don’t try to sting you all the damn time.

“Where abouts?” He asks, his voice showing no hint of any destain or irritation he may harbour. “On the light,” you tell him shakily, following close to him back as you both enter the room. “Right up there- careful!”

John sniggers a little to himself, much to your dismay. He kicks off his shoes by your bedside table and climbs up onto the bed with ease on those ridiculously long legs. By luck, chance or both, he has some toilet paper in his hoodie pocket that he’d probably used to wipe his nose or something like that earlier, he can’t remember. He holds it out at arms length, only inches away form the unsuspecting black and yellow insect. “Where?” He asks again, “I can’t see anything.”

“There!” You insist, pointing up with a shaking finger. “I don’t see anything (y/n).” He repeats, making you whimper slightly, more tears suddenly appearing as you try to come to terms with the fact it might’ve moved while you were outside the room. The thought of having to sleep in your house while not knowing where it was would send you absolutely mental. “It was there I swear, look-“

“Ahhh, I got it. Stand back.”

He leans forward with relative ease, careful with the force he used so close to a live electric source and grips the buzzing creature in his tissue. “There we go,” he hums, stepping down from the bed. “All go-“

As if on cue, it flies out of the paper and you let loose a literal shriek as you dive backwards, crashing into the wall and then jumping forward in fright at that. “Woah!” John calls, “it’s alright, it’s right there. Calm, calm. Take a deep breath. Look,” he tries to calm you. That deep accent with his fatigue coating each word seeps into you, carefully calming your firing heart as he grabs it tighter from the floor, making sure he squashed it this time and immediately takes it to flush it down the toilet. John doesn’t know if you’re supposed to kill them or not, but at this moment in time he genuinely does not care. Was he fuck going to chase a wasp out of a window at half past one in the morning. Not a chance.

When he returns from the bathroom now empty handed, you still seem upset.

“That was scary.” You announce.

John smiles, pearly whites all on display. “I noticed.” He teases, making you scowl tiredly at him.

That scowl falters when his smile breaks into a light, soft laugh and he moves to stand in front of you. You absolutely don’t mind the fact that he’s babying you a little, using the sleeves of his sweater to wipe your cheeks before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead and taking you into his strong arms. In fact, it’s very much welcomed. His arms are the safest place in the world to you and even the residual discomforted shivers from the concept of a wasp in your bedroom couldn’t get through that defender. He looks after a lot more than just the Manchester City goal line. No, he’s the sole defender of something much more precious that he doesn’t even realise.

Your heart.

“You okay now?” He asks softly, his tired voice rumbling through you. You nod against him, “Feeling a bit better. Thank you Stonesy.” You mumble, words muffled by the muscled chest that your face his resting against. “Anything for you, lovely.” He responds easily, pulling back from you in a way that aches his heart. The sudden lack of your warmth and presence against him is utterly brutal. He loves holding you, but hates it in the same breath. He would love to hold you if it was something he got to do freely instead of fleetingly.

His eyes are stuck watching you sit down on the edge of your bed to grab your phone and check the time with an element of shock rolling through your eyes when you realise it’s nearly two.

“You got training tomorrow?” You ask sweetly, a yawn following the tail end of your words adorable in a way that makes John’s heart flutter like a teenage boy. He nods, “Not till after dinner though, around 5.”

It’s your turn to nod, seeming to be chewing over something in thought as you lie down in the middle of your bed.

“Wanna stay then?”

John has to pretend to think about it at least a little bit so he doesn’t look like he’s jumping right up at the opportunity, which is exactly what he wants to do. “Why not,” he shrugs, chucking off his hoodie to the foot of your bed, “Scoot over.”

He clambers in, long limbs moving nowhere near as coordinated as they are on the pitch as he lays down by your right. It’s like a familiar dance, one you both know so well as you shuffle around so you can lay against his chest, one leg hooked over him as his arm wraps around you to pull you even closer. A silence falls between you as he feels your eyelashes fluttering shut, tickling his chest. He can’t find that same relaxation, can’t seem to shut his eyes for the thoughts flying through his mind all at once.

“I should teach you how to catch them.” John states, rumbling voice interrupting the peaceful quiet in which you had nearly found sleep. “You know, for the future.” He adds almost flippantly. Almost.

“Why?” You hum groggily, sleep croaking your voice ever so slightly. “I got you.”

John has to pretend your half asleep admission doesn’t send his heart flying into his throat. You do always have him, right there in the palm of your hand. Always.

“I don’t think other guys would appreciate me barging into their house in the middle of the night.” He suggests, making you quirk an eyebrow in question, but you still don’t look up at him and he isn’t even sure if you’ve got your eyes fully open. “No other guys here,” you state, “Single, living all alone.” You add lazily. The words almost make John wonder if he has fallen asleep, each one spoke playing straight into the dream he’s had for years for you to be his.

“Yeah, I know but…but there will be, at some point.” He suggests. You give no response for a moment and he briefly thinks you’ve fallen asleep at some point in this conversation.

“Bet those other guys wouldn’t come get rid of wasps for me in the middle of the night like you do.”

“Maybe,” John shrugs, “but I think there’s plenty of guys like that, especially for you.”

He feels you shake your head against him, your words decisive as you speak;

“There are no guys like you, John Stones.”

His words and his breath are caught on his throat, his heart erupting in his chest as he replays those words in his mind, trying to figure out if he had actually just heard them or if his tired mind was playing tricks on him because it was so late and he hadn’t had enough sleep.

But then you look up at him with tired eyes and a sweet smile. You know what you’ve just done, know the bomb you’ve just dropped and you’re hoping with everything crossed that he feels the same way.

“You’re my hero, Stonesy.” You say softly, your voice now a little sheepish and he can barely just make out the flush of your cheeks in the dim room lighting. “And I love you with everything I have.”

He doesn’t know what to say, his eyes wide as his heart beats as erratically as he had felt yours beating when he first arrived with fear coursing through his veins thinking you were in some kind of mortal peril.

“John?” You ask timidly, voice sheepish as you sit up in fear.

“Sorry,” he rumbles, pushing himself to a seated position, allowing him to lean forward and slide his hand around the back of your head to pull you into him, your lips crashing down onto his.

It’s just about everything he’s ever wanted.

“God I love you.” He says against your lips, a groan leaving his throat from pure satisfaction, pure relief of finally getting those words off of his chest. You giggle, resting back against his chest. “Can we sleep now, please?”

He nods, both of you shuffling so you can resume the position you had been in before a life changing confession that had spun you and the Barnsley brunette into the kiss that had been years in waiting. This was the happiest either of you had probably ever been.

“Guess we have the wasps to thank for this eh?” John lulls just as sleep is about to encompass you. He feels you shiver against him, the hairs on your arms immediately raising to attention at the mention of that which you hate so much.

“Don’t say that! That’s basically an invitation for them to invade my house!” You hiss, giving his chest a gentle swat as he pulls you closer to his side.

“Let them come,” he says almost triumphantly, “You got me now, always.”

You cosy yourself against him, a soft sigh of complete content and comfort tickling his chest as it dances across him. He feels that gentle smile that settles onto your gestures as your heavy eyes allow sleep to truly begin to take you.

“Always,” you mumble, words diluted by sleep “My hero.”

[hwrryscherry]

The one where Harry and Model Y/N miss their christmas flight and have a little fun on their detour.

blurb: It's the most wonderful time of the year so Harry & Model Y/ N rented a holiday house on the French Alps to celebrate Christmas with their families. It's finally the day to go and Harry is the one to blame when they lose their flight to meet their families in the Alps. Spoiler: Model Y/N gets furious at Harry's calm behavior.

warnings: fluff. They left Los Angeles on December 20th and arrived in the Alps on December 21st in case you guyst get confused.

word count: 7.1K

author's note: HIIIIIII guyyys! It's officially CHRISTMAS week and it's my favorite holiday ever sooo I imagined what Model Y/N and Harry would do on their holiday trip and I guess I'll post a blurb everyday with Christmas theme. AND i'll be suggesting a christmas song in every blurb. Enjoy and Merry Christmas♥️♥️♥️♥️

christmas song of the day: Santa Tell Me by Ariana Grande.

December 19th, 2020 - 11PM

    It was a very cold night in Los Angeles for you to be walking around in your pajamas with no shoes on, a face mask on your face and wet hair that left small water drops through the closet floor as you continued to walk between your clothes and your suitcase that was settled in the floor. You wanted to be laid down in bed, in your cozy and warm bed because you were so tired and a good night of sleep were everything you actually desired.

    As you tried to decide on the coats that you were going to take to your Christmas holiday in the French Alps. You felt a gaze directed to you, what made you bring your head up so you could see Harry stopped at the door frame. He looked very calm. Otherwise, you looked desperate; your flight was scheduled to 6:45 AM. You had to sleep as it was already late and you haven't even packed your stuff but at least you could do it with just some minutes unlike Harry. Anyway, Harry had his grey sweatpants on with a TPKW merch hoddie, his hair, unlike yours, was already completely dry. You probably have to stop washing your hair so late at night but now wasn't the moment to think about this.

— God, why didn't I pack earlier? — You asked rhetorically as you sighed taking some of your favorite pants and folding them right before putting them in the suitcase.

— Exactly! I told ya to do it earlier today but you said you still had time. — Harry said on a convincing way as he drank a sip of his water that he held in a bottle. You just rolled your eyes at him. You hated being stressed and you hated even more when you were stressing over something and Harry says something like "I told you so." You hate conflict and specially when it's with Harry and now was definitely not the moment, so you just shrugged it off.

— By the way, which suitcase are you taking? Because I found yours up in the shelf. — You said, never taking your eyes away from the clothes you were putting on the floor as you created combinations and outfits for you to have an idea before putting it in the suitcase; you were on your knees as you decided to which clothes you'd take with you.

   Harry went completely silent at the moment he heard you. This was the time he realized that with all the things you both were setting up for the trip today, he completely forgot of packing his stuff. Harry froze, he felt it through all his body. He knew how much you were stressed over all the things you both did today to get prepared for the trip, and he'd swear to god that you'd completely lost it at the moment he'd tell you he forgot about it.

   You looked over at him because of his silence and his expression said everything his mouth didn't. You stopped moving your hands immediately and kept a straight face at him literally praying he was only joking, but he wasn't.

— Are you for real? — You'd ask resting your hands over your thighs as you only received silence as a response — Harry, I can't believe you! — You'd say sounding extremely frustrated. You'd pass your hands over your face trying to wake you up more because truly, you were so sleepy right now. You'd feel your cold hands pass through your wet strands of hair before looking at him getting more into the closet now.

— Love, I'm so sorry! — Harry'd say entering the room and bend down next to you avoiding touching your clothes on the floor — It's just... I went all the way today resolving all the other stuff for the trip and I completely forgot about it! — Harry would say with puppy eyes, he actually felt kinda ashamed for just saying to you that he told you to pack before when he didn't even remembered to do it himself.

— I know, I know — You said getting more relaxed on the floor now crossing your legs — It's just, you take so long to do it everytime and we need to grab some sleep tonight — You'd say making an emphasis on the "so long" making Harry sigh. He instantly stand up after you finished talking, walking directly towards the shelf to grab his own suitcase putting it on the floor as he opened it too.

— No, I won't take too much time! I'll just grab some stuff. I'll show you and you tell me what you think! — Harry said as he opened his part of the closet immediately looking through the pants, the many pants he had actually — It's okay! — He'd say, probably trying to convince himself more than actually you. You have no idea why but whenever Harry had to pack his suitcase he'd take hours to do it, he would just take hours to decide on each outfit and then he'd decide when to wear it and if he was actually going to wear it, so yes, it would literally take hours.

   Later, Harry'd think about it all while he contemplated you from the bed. He was lying on his side, propping his head on his hand, so he could get a more proper look at you.

   It took both of you two hours to pack Harry’s suitcase and it was around 1AM now. You don’t think he knows what ‘'It’ll be fast’’ actually means. You were now in front of the mirror. You used the comb to brush your now dry hair while looking in the mirror. You have had long nights at work before and you've been very tired several times but this time, it felt different.

   This is the first time that you and Harry have decided what to do for Christmas and thank God there would be no hosting; but even so it's difficult to organize things for so many people. Harry has been so helpful, and you can't complain. Even though he was tired of being on set, he always donated his time to talk about Christmas, but how could he avoid it? He loved it. He loved being able to get together with his family and spend a good and happy time. Harry remembers the first Christmas you spent together. It was 2018 and you guys went to Holmes Chapel to celebrate. That was also the first Christmas of your life where you wouldn't spend it with your mother because, well, you didn't want to abuse it and take her to Anne's house. Harry realized how sad it had made you and surprised you on Christmas Eve afternoon when he came home from an alleged "supermarket drive" with your mother. He remembers how happy you were, your genuine smile that you just couldn't get off your face, and he remembers how much he fell ten times more in love with you that day. There was not even a year that you were together, god, as time flies.

   You have finished brushing your hair and put the comb in the first drawer of the counter. You left the bathroom to walk to your bed feeling Harry's gaze on you making you frown and smile at him as you lay on the bed covering yourself with the covers.

— Why are you looking at me like this? — You ask taking the covers up to your neck while turning to be able to face the boy's face, who was now accompanied by a tender smile.

— Nothing much, just memories! — Harry said as he watched the yellow light from his lamp reflect in your eyes —You're so beautiful it makes me angry sometimes. — Harry said pulling a chuckle from you. God, how he loved that sound. He then extended his arm to turn off the lamp leaving the room in total darkness, then going deeper under the covers as well.

— Oh, you're just saying that! — You responded by making him chuckled now with your fake modest — You set the alarm clock, right? — You asked him softly, trying your best to keep your eyes open even though they insisted on wanting to close.

— I did! — Harry said approaching you, feeling your body heat under the covers. He brought his right hand to your waist and pulled you closer to his chest, taking the opportunity to kiss your temple. — Let's sleep now okay? I love you! — Harry said feeling you nod and whisper a soft '' I love you too ''. It was a combination of you to say you love each other every night before going to sleep; you did it even when you fought, but in these cases I love you's usually came with "but I'm really mad at you."

December 20th, 2020 — 6:00 AM.

      You were in such a deep sleep, you two were. The truth is: this instability was not your thing. At one day you were in London, the next in NYC, the next in LA, then in Palm Springs and now back in Los Angeles, the hard part would believe you wouldn't be tired of it. And it's precisely because of tiredness that neither you nor Harry heard the four times that the alarm went off, but let's agree that having gone to sleep after one in the morning packing Harry's suitcase was a big factor to consider.

   5:00 AM, 5:20 AM, 5:30 AM, 5:45 AM... Nothing, you didn't even move, well, you did move to pull the covers next to you. For some reason your eyes slowly opened. You stared at the light coming from the curtains content with yourself for waking up even before the clock woke up, little did you know.

   You stretched and took your hands to rub your sleepy eyes then using one of them to get your phone that was powering on the nightstand next to the bed. When you unlock the phone screen and face the hours, you felt your heart beat faster. You blinked briefly to see if you were seeing the right time and got out of bed in a heart beat.

— HARRY! — You said basically screaming. Harry woke up quickly, his heart racing as he sat on the bed and watched you standing, putting on your slippers quickly. He watched you take a hair tie from the drawer of your nightstand and quickly tie your long strands of hair into a ponytail.

— What...What happened? — Harry said using his hands to rub his eyes as he slowly got up from the bed.

— It's already six in the morning, the alarm didn't go off! — You said quickly what surprised Harry, since normally you spoke even slowly — Come on, get up! We have 45 minutes to get to the airport, and it's a 35 minute drive. We need to start getting ready quickly. — You walked directly to the bathroom counter, pouring liquid facial soap into your hands and washing your face. You couldn't see it, but you heard the noise of Harry changing clothes in the room. You absolutely hated leaving the house in the morning without taking a shower, but you wouldn't have any time for that.

   You chose not to wear any makeup, as always in fact. You just put sunscreen on your face and loosened your ponytail feeling your long strands of hair fall over your shoulders as you retreated from the suite bathroom and spotted Harry wearing jeans and an oversized black sweatshirt walking past you to use the bathroom himself now. You opened your part of the wardrobe by grabbing yourself a black jan bell pants, a black t-shirt too and a pink sweatshirt over it in which you dressed up fastly, and put your white sneakers as well. 

— Have you finished? — You said putting your cell phone, charger, wallet and other essentials in your handbag as you approached the bathroom door observing Harry dry his hands on the towel and then saying a brief "Yes" after putting on his rings on his fingers. He turned off the bathroom light and turned to you while the two of you started walking towards the stairs, where you went down with your suitcases in hand. The original plan was to call a car to take you to the airport but clearly, there was no time for that, so you guys would go in Harry's car, which would be picked up at the airport by Jeff who had promised Harry that he would take him back to the house.

   The sun was still cold, that cold early morning sun where the sky still has that lilac color mixed with orange. You left your suitcase in front of the trunk and walked to the passenger seat next to the driver where you sat down and installed the belt instantly while Harry just put both suitcases in the trunk, then closed it and walked to the front of the car as well, and right after sitting in the driver's seat putting on the seat belt, he started the engine and starting to drive as well.

   The drive to the airport was quiet. There was little traffic, nothing compared to LA traffic but there was still a little. Harry prayed it didn't have any fans at the airport, not because he didn't want to see them, but because you were so late and he knew that neither of you would ignore your fans and just keep walking. When Harry parked the car, you might notice some paparazzi's outside, nothing too crowded actually. In less than two minutes, you were already out of the car with your bags on a cart walking, let's say, very quickly until the airport check-in. You were a little impatient to see that there was a line of about five people before you. You looked at the time on your cell phone and sighed, turning the screen to Harry showing that it was now 6:47 AM and there were still three more people in front of you. You had a frustrated and worried look, just the thought that maybe you can't make it to your destination and Harry realized that, he always perceives the smallest things in and about you; let it be a different sigh to a different gleam in the eye. He perceives everything, even though you're wearing a mask now.

   Harry wrapped you in his arms, hugging you tight and kissing your hairline as a form of affection. Your head was between Harry’s neck where you could perfectly smell his scent, and the comforting warmth he emanated; you could have sworn that nothing and no one could get you out of that moment, but then your turn came in line and a man called you.

— Good Morning ma'am! May I help you? — The man said trying to sound sympathetic. You were hoping that Harry could resolve this but apparently, the guy asked you and not him. You put a few strands of your hair behind your ears, and you formed the phrases in your head.

— Good Morning! — You said first, feeling Harry touching the ends of your hair behing your back — So, we had two tickets for the flight of 6:45 AM for Paris but, unfortunately we couldn’t make it in time. Is there any way that you could get us new tickets? Anything would be amazing!  — You said, while mentally praying that there was at least one flight that would take you there. The plan was that you were going to make a scale in Paris and then taking the train to the French Alps which would be a 5-hour train ride, but as you were counting on a direct flight to Paris, it wouldn’t be a problem to stay on a train for five hours.

— Look, ma'am. — The guy sighed looking a little frustrated. Harry touched your shoulders and squeezed a little feeling how hard your shoulders muscle were from tension — I do have a flight for Paris! — In the moment he said it you and Harry let out a deep breath relieved — But, it's going to scale in New York and London!

— And how many hours of traveling? — Harry asked getting a little closer to the counter putting his glove covered hand over the counter as well.

— Around 18 or 20 hours — The man answered and you and Harry sighed. You would be there in the morning on the LA time, and on the French Alps time it will probably be 6:30 AM too. You let out a long breath, and Harry looked at you attentively looking for any sign of giving up; he wanted to go, of course, but if you said it would be better to stay, he would be without a second thought.

— Well, we have to go, right? — You said softly to Harry and then redirected your gaze to the man and nodded. — Okay, we’ll keep the tickets.

—They’re economic tickets, all right? I see here that you had executive tickets — The man asked and you can't hesitate to drop a light chuckle.

— No problems! — Harry replied, and then he returned to finishing to configure the informations of your new tickets.

  It didn't really take long, a few minutes and you already had the new tickets in hand. As you both walked to find a place to sit, you remembered that with all the running from the morning none of you had breakfast. You checked your bags on the conveyor belt and went up the escalators at the big LAX Airport looking for a small restaurant to buy something. You chose the Urth Caffé & Bar because you were used to eating in there whenever you had to travel. It was a very cute and cozy place with a yellow lighting, wood tables and chairs that gave a whole charm to it. You both ordered a coffee; you ordered a latte and Harry ordered a black coffee, and to eat you both ordered bagels sandwiches. There were some fans in there this time. They were all pretty respectful and nice when they came over asking for pictures. You both took the pics and talked with them for a while until you had to leave which honestly made your heart aches. You loved when you could meet and talk to your fans, to create that connection it's so important to you but you couldn't risk missing another flight.

   As you were already settled up on your seats, you re-checked your seat bell probably five times in a row while the "In case of emergency" video passed on the little screen in front of you. Harry noticed you checking it again, and he used his hands to hold yours as a sign to stop you.

— Hey, you already did that... — Harry said looking directly into your eyes — Five times, love!

— Oh... — You whispered then redirecting yourself on your seat. The truth is, you're a model, you date a singer and you're probably more in a plane than in your own house, but you are terrified of it. You've always been, just the thought of being on a plane scares you. And we don't even have to say about whenever a turbulence would occurs. Harry knew that, and he took it as a responsibility of his to keep you calm whenever you were on a plane together.

— Oh, let's watch something together! — Harry said getting his upper body closer to you looking at your little screen — We can choose the same thing and watch it!

— Sure, something on your mind? — You asked as you grabbed the ear plunges of the plane trying to turn it on as Harry now were turning his phone off.

— I don't know! Since we finished watching Bly Manor, I have no idea what we should watch next — Harry said putting his phone on his pocket, and then grabbing himself his ear plunge.

— Oh god, and how good was it? — You said having a fan girl moment. Literally, you were such a fan of The Haunting series and all about it. You and Harry binged watching The Haunting of Bly Manor in like a day. — But.. — You turned on your screen and started to look through the christmas movies, yes you also loved them. Both of you do, who doesn't like christmas movies? — Oh, let's watch Princess Switch 2? We didn't have time to watch it! — You clicked on the movie, so you could read the synopsis to have an idea what would be about. You and Harry watched the first one back in 2018 and you guys really liked it so this could be cool. It's actually kinda crazy all of the stuffs you've watched together. It's crazy how you guys can watch a really serious and heavy movie and then watch all of Barbies movies on the same day.

— Alright, let's watch it! — Harry agreed as he searched for the movie himself — I saw in the trailer that there's a third twin on this movie.

— Love, they're not twins!— You'd say getting your movie ready to be started.

 — They're not? Of course they are! If they're not, then what are they? — Harry said putting his ear plunges on and getting the covers that the airplane company use to put on the seats for the passagers. You actually think it's cute that Harry has this thing on being under the covers and cuddled up whenever he was watching to a movie, and with the weather like this, it would be perfect. I mean, it's cold in LA with 46 F°, as you lived in NYC before you could only imagine how the weather was in there with 32F°. But anyway, you kinda missed NYC a little bit. It's honestly kinda messed up now because you haven't officially moved to LA from New York, but the last time you were in NY was probably in early May, before your birthday because you both celebrated your birthday in Holmes Chapel with Anne and Gemma.

— I don't know — You'd chuckle to answer his question feeling him spread the covers on both of you and snuggle himself on your chest — I think they're relatives in some point, but they're not twins! — You'd hear a soft "oh" from Harry as you put the ear plunges yourself and clicked the movie to play. In general, you watched the movie commenting on the scenes and you both really liked it, it was funny and not tiring at all. And then after it, you both bing watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I know it seems crazy but you've been so obsessed with it lately and anytime you were obsessed with something you'd usually make Harry get obsessed too. And I mean, it was a 5-hour long flight and you both could catch up with some housewives drama. The flight ended, and you both arrived in NYC, you'd have a 1 hour and a half stop and you managed to think you both could actually do something in this hour, obviously nothing to far away from the airport, you wouldn't take any risks. So you'd chose one of your favorite places in New York ever aka the M&M's Store. God, you loved this place, and you loved M&M's, and so did Harry.

   There were some paparazzi on the street, but this is NY and it's just a daily basis thing. You both walked around the store buying some really cool chocolates when you saw a cute one with marshmallows and you showed it to Harry getting a disgusted face from him.

— No, I'm so allergic to marshmallow! — Harry would say grabbing some kind of M&M's to see and you rolled your eyes recalling the number of times you both had this conversation before. You turned around getting right on Harry's front and looking into his eyes.

—  You’re not allergic to mashmallows! You’re allergic to one of the ingredients in it, if you do the homemade one you can eat it normally, oh my god! — You said trying your best to show your sassy side and Harry actually only continue saying this because he knows you'll react like this and he think it's cute, so he'd just get closer to your face and give a peck to your lips.

— I know, sorry! — He'd say smirking a little and fixing his beanie on his head with his left hand — I love the ones you make, by the way.

— I know, I'm such a master chef that's how I made you fall in love with me! — You'd answer him with a smirk on your face when you turn around to look more over the chocolates.

— And who said I love ye’, miss? — Harry said mocking you and you’d immediately turn to stare at his face with the most realistic offended expression you could create now.

— Um, excuse me? — You’d say with your righthand touching your chest with raised eye browns — If that’s how you feel I'm just gonna go over there look for Brad Pitt! — You’d say with your sassy tone starting to walk away from him but you were stopped by him when he grabbed your empty hand bringing you closer to him 

— Oh so you're overlapping me for Brad Pitt? — Harry said making you roll your eyes with a playful smile in your mask covered lips.

— Well, take it as a revenge for overlapping me for Mitch every day! — You'd say making him let out a loud laugh — But, I'll consider letting this go if we go to Victoria Secrets right now and you buy me my favorite fragrance!

— Oh, you're such a blackmailer! — Harry would say shaking his head slowly and crossing his arms close to his body watching you put your best puppy eyes on display — Alright, just because I probably love that fragrance more than you! — He said making you give him a big smile that he could notice by the way your eyes got smaller. This is actually a joke because it was pretty rare for having you ask Harry to buy you anything, you'd always tell him that you "didn't need anything", and specially when he comes home with those really expensive Gucci merch. Honestly, all the expensive things that you have, like, Chanel, Versace, Gucci were usually gifts from the brand and a few from Harry because you're much of a economizer thinking that these are actually pretty expensive things and you don't actually need. Why would you go around with a 3 thousand dollars Gucci bag when you can buy a super cute bag for 50 dollars? Yep, Harry didn't understand that on the many times he got you something expensive so then, now he rarely does it because he knows that the way for your heart it's probably the most simple and genuine he can be.

 In the VS shop, you were looking through the fragrances for you favorite one that was Bare Vanilla, it's probably the best. And you've been using it for years now, literally since you were a teenager. When you finally found your Bare Vanilla Kit, you were actually surprised by Harry behind you holding a set of lingerie on the color of pearl with some baby blue lace details. You looked at it and then later at the lingerie and then at him again with a "what is that?" expression on your face.

— Love, I know ye' came here to buy the fragrance but this would look so good in you! — Harry said making a louder voice while pronouncing the "so good" making you touch the fabric with your hands in silence thinking about it as you looked, yes it was really pretty. What can you do? Your man does have a good taste. — Ok I'll buy it as your christmas gift! — You said taking the lingerie carefully from his hand.

— For me? I was thinking more of you in it, but I can wear it if you want. I bet it will define all of my sexy curves — Harry said putting a hand on his own waist making a pose making you laugh out loud of his words, it's the sass for me.

— No, oh my god! I'll be the present. This could be the gift paper — You'd say winking on an eye at him as you tried to control your laugh seeing the smirk on his face, this little promiscuous guy.

   On your way back to the airport you noticed very similar words on a wall beside you and you couldn't hold your emotion when you saw it. It was a black wall written "Do You Know Who You Are?", as in Lights Up. When you showed Harry he got so smiley and blushed at the same time, it's just the shyness in him. You took a quick picture of it before actually entering the airport again. Right on time.

  You were about to face another flight with a six hour and 40 minutes of duration and god, in this cold weather, with covers, hoddies, M&M's, movies and your love made everywhere feels cozy and warm. On this flight, you agreed to watch The Notebook with Harry, and you liked it very much, not as much as he did, but you liked it.  You had taken your sneakers off staying with your socks only, you had also let your hair loose as you leaned your head on Harry's shoulder this time, fixing your covered legs under the cover and feeling the warm sensation coming from his body heat, it wasn't much until Harry realised that you were completely asleep when he tried to talk to you about how Ellie's mom had such an attitude when she decided to hide Noah's letter from Ellie all those years but instead, he saw your sleeping face on his shoulder and his heart melted at the vision so he just decided to let you sleep because he really thought you deserved to, and also, after the movie ended he did sleep as well.

   Your flight arrived in London by 7:28 PM on Los Angeles time. By London's time it was already 5:28 AM, and it had a 44 F° weather. You had a smaller scale time this time. It was a 35 minutes scale, thank god. You both took your time to walk inside the airport. You loved London. You really did. You loved the weather and the beautiful places to visit in here, oh and the cute british accents, you loved it.

   You both walked through the airport observing everything. The people, the christmas lights and the stores. Harry had one of his arms over your shoulders as you walked through it. As you entered the stores session, you'd spot World Duty Free store and look at Harry. — Let's go to World Duty Free and buy colorful highlighters so you can use it on christmas eve! — You say while stopped walking when you got in front of the referred store. Harry looked at the big illuminated sign with the store's name and then back at you.

— A colorful one? D' you think it'll look good? Maybe a gold one, no? — He said pushing you into the illuminated store. You loved that Harry knew this stuff and how sometimes when you'd have nothing to do he would let you put some makeup on his face because he knew you didn't like putting it on your face often.

— Yeah, a gold one would be better! I'll go find one, try looking for other stuff — You'd say getting out of his embrace and walking to the other corner of the store. You looked through the makeup wall in front of you as you searched for a gold highlight.

— Hello, may I help you? — A very young lady came to you with the store's uniform. You looked at her smiling tenderly and shook your head. — Oh no, thank you! I was just looking for a highlighter, but I already found it! — You said showing her the little package in your hand and she smiled back at you saying that if you needed anything else you could call her and you thanked. You would keep looking through the wall to see if you wanted anything else when you noticed a tall man coming over you. You looked at him because well, he was staring you.

— Hm... Hi, I'm Ryan! — He said shyly to you. You just stayed there looking at him with no moves — Hm, I just wanted to say that your American accent it's really cute and... Would you mind giving me your number? — He'd say nervously, and you let out a chuckle as you closed your eyes for a moment.

— I’m really flattered, but I’m here with my boyfriend, I’m sorry — You said softly as you could see Harry coming over to you guys with a very straight face. — There he is! — You pointed at Harry that quickened his pace a little when he saw you pointing at him.

— Oh, I apologize! Anyway, merry christmas! — He said with a tender smile as he walked away from you when you murmured a "Merry Christmas". Harry finally got to you and frowned his eyebrows a little looking at the guy’s back and then back at you.

— Who was it? — Harry softly asked containing his jealousy. Whenever Harry would say in interviews that he was an easily jealous person, he wasn’t joking. But he learned to contain it now because this was the biggest discussion maker on the beginning of your relationship.

— It was this guy Ryan trying to hit on me — You’d say with a smirk on your face because you knew this would tease him — He politely asked me for my number, and then I told him that I was here with my boyfriend.

—You should’ve told him you were here with your handsome and sexy boyfriend — Harry said with joking tone and you raised your eyebrows at him as you started to walk towards the cashier.

— No, I think just ''boyfriend'', is enough!  — You’d say mocking him before you paid your bill. And walked back to the departuring space for Paris.

   You confess that coming back to Paris made you a little nervous. The last time you were here was in February and it was quite...peculiar. But it would be just a scale and things would occur right.

   The flight for Paris were definetely the the fastest one as it lasted only an hour and fifteen minutes. You both had dinner in the plane while binge watching The Real Housewives of Bervely Hills, a little obssesed maybe? Harry had already warned Anne about both of you being late as you all scheduled to get there maybe 6 or 7 hours ago, but as the iconic Queen of Genovia said once ‘’A queen is never late, anybody else is just earlier’’. Oh, you both could’ve watched The Princess Diaries today, damn it.

— As we’re here, we have to admit it... It was quite an adventure, wasn’t it? Three cities in a day — Harry would say taking the ends of your hair between his fingers.

— It was, but I kinda wished we had a little bit more of time in London so we could go to the London Eye — You’d say causing Harry to happily agree with you as it was one of his favorite attractions to go in London.

— All I know is that when we get in there I’ll sleep for as long as I can.

— How can ye’ be sleepy? You slept all the flight from New York to London and I know it! — You’d ask really curiously about his answer because it actually made you surprised on how easily he could sleep. He could be sitting on the most uncomfortable chair in the world but if he closes his eyes, he’ll easily fall asleep.

— It’s my natural talent! Did you think that I could only sing? — He asked rhetorically with a very convincin' tone.

— I’m sorry then Mr.Sleepy! — You would say mocking him as you turned your phone on to answer your missed texts. Gemma has already sent you tons of texts about the house and how’s the climate in there. She told you that you both better be all wrapped up or instead she’ll push your face, oh the good old family love.

    When the plane landed, you and Harry grabbed your suitcases as fast as you could so you could get a cab to the train station and finally arrive on the Alps. You loved Paris in the winter. You loved Paris by the night, and that hasn’t changed. There weren’t paparazzi which contributed to keep you calm but there were maybe some fans spotting you guys and asking for pictures. They’d ask if you both were going to celebrate Christmas in Paris and you’d tell them that it’s just a scale. You were calm but Harry wasn’t. Since the prank in Paris from February, Harry has been incredibly more protective than he already was, and getting back in Paris actually remembered him of that night and that he wouldn’t let it happen again.

   But it all turned out good, the train ride actually felt so relaxing and that made you wonder why in the world none of you have ever traveled together by train. Neither of you slept, though, you both talked. Talked for hours nonstop. You talked about your jobs, your experiences, what you like and what you don’t. You talked about what you wished for 2021 and you even chuckled a bit when Harry said he was looking foward to put ring on your finger in 2021; bullshit, you'd think. But anyway, you'd talk on how in some way you both were grateful for having each other during the hard times we’re all living, getting to know each other better while there was nobody on the streets because actually, if the world was ending you both wouldn’t want to spend it anywhere else and with anyone else.

   The train ride was so calm, so great, so both of you. You were not the kind of couple that needed all luxury, that needed to go out every weekend to have dinner on a fancy restaurant, that needed to buy each other expensive gifts and needed to share every detail of what you did. You were simple. You were comfortable discovering a new world and experiencing things together on your own way and your own time. Neither of you needed all of those stuff. You only needed each other. You needed to feel the warm of each others body, you needed to be graced by the sound of each others laugh and voice, you needed to see the smile on each others faces and to know that even when times get hard you’d always have each other. Your relationship wasn’t perfect, none are. But in the end of the day love always win and if you love each other and it’s meant to be the rest will be history.

   As the sun was starting to rise, you leaned your back in Harry’s chest so you could both see the view from the big glass window. You had your hair loosened on his chest as he envolved you on his arms hugging you from behind supporting his chin by the top of your head. The light yellow sun made the snow even whiter and more resuscitating by touching it with its rays. The sky had this lilac and orange colors, and it seemed to have a breeze air, you couldn’t confirm it though as the train was warmed by a heater. You’d start murmuring to the song Turning Page by Sleeping at Last which caused Harry to smile tenderly. He knew you were doing it by a reflex and actually didn’t think he was going to listen to it, but he did. And he smiled because this had been you guys song for almost three years now. 

—Your love’s my turning page, where only the sweetest words remain — Harry would start singing really close to your ears. Really close and really softly, causing you to smile now but never taking your eyes of the view of the window — Every kiss is a cursive line. Every touch is a redefining place — You’d close your eyes caressing his arm around you and then opening your eyes again, messing with his rings that covered the fingers on his strong hands.

— I surrender who I’ve been, for who you are — You’d complement the song lycris with your eyes closed, feeling nothing more than peace.

— For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart — Harry kept singing holding you tight, because he never would want to let you slip away of his embrace — If I had only felt how it feels to be yours, I would’ve known what I’ve been living for.

— What I’ve been living for! — You complemented. There’s no other place either of you would want to be now. Of course this wasn’t the trip that you both planned, but it was better. It was different, funny and relaxing, and that’s the one thing for you.

   You both got out of that train feeling nothing more than peace, and that’s the spirit of the holidays, isn’t it? The cold sharp of air hitted your face immidietely and you both rushed to get a car that could take you to the holiday house. Gemma would probably kills both of you for not being properly wrapped up but she actually didn’t, thank god for her to be sleeping.

   When you both arrived at the house you struggled a bit to unlock it with the keys but it worked and you came across a beautiful Christmas decoration with a huge christmas tree with a lot of lights and some other cute decorations too. It almost felt like North Pole but it would probably be ten times colder than it was here. You both left your bags on the living room floor and went to take a small tour on the house, when you arrived at the kitchen there were a plate full of brownies and a small note.

    Harry & Y/N,

we couldn’t wait for you to arrive because we were so sleepy but we did those brownies for you guys. Eat it, you must be hungry! We love you and we're looking foward to see you in the morning

                                           — love, Anne.

— Your mother is the best person on the entire universe! —  You’d say showing the note to Harry and grabbing yourself a piece of brownie as he took the small paper on his hands to read it himself as you took a bite from one brownie—  And those brownies are the best thing I’ve ever eaten.

     TO BE CONTINUED.... Christmas special part 1

[nade2308]

For the Drabble thingy

5 Bruised - Jack Dalton

No pressure though

I think Nade and the concept of a drabble aren't on the same planet. I finished the thing. Hope you like this @starryhc. As for the inspiration for this story, awhile back I saw a post on Tumblr where there was a deleted scene from the 1x01 script where Jack worked as a stunt double on a movie set and we are blaming this fic on my dream brain requesting this as the reason for the bruises. Hope it's what you had in mind when you asked, Starry . The "drabble" is under the cut.

Jack let his kid take his fill by looking him up and down. Jack knew that he looked a little bit worse for wear, but that was normal in their line of work. This time however, it was from something else. And judging by the way Mac was eyeing him, he didn't manage to hide it well. 

(Next time, I'm asking for Boze and his special make up). 

It had been two months since they saw each other last. And Jack didn't know how he went two months without contact. But it was what Mac asked of him. Some time to rest and reflect. And Jack had so many objections to that... but he swallowed them and agreed. What else there was to be done? His kid needed time, and contrary to popular opinion, Jack wasn't going to push and hover. He knew when to back down when he wasn't needed. 

The ugly doubts reared their heads as soon as they touched down in the States, though. Why was Mac asking for some time to himself? He never did before, why now? Mac was also never been shot within an inch of his life and his girlfriend was killed in the same night so Jack reasoned with that. He knew about people and having to start over when they had a brush with death and some decisions they made in the aftermath of their near-death experience. Jack just learned to deal with it. As always. When Mac called him out of the blue at 1am and asked if he could come over, Jack was ecstatic to say in the least. He didn't even stop to think of the reason. Maybe Mac wasn't still coming back from his reflection phase and it was just something he needed Jack to do. 

Whatever it was, in hindsight he should have realized that Mac would notice. And he did. 

"Jack. What happened?" 

"Eh, it's nothing. Just... perks of the job is all." 

Jack tried for a smile, but it fell flat. 

"What job? Jack, were you in the field without me?" 

The question slammed like a freight train into Jack and he had to actually grab something to steady himself, which turned out to be Mac's forearm.  

"Whoa, Jack, easy there." 

The grip he had on Mac was strong and through the fog in his head Jack was thinking how it'd leave a bruise, the kid bruised so easily he was always having these small bruises from banging himself on doorknobs and table edges. But now these bruises were going to be from Jack, because Jack wasn't able to keep himself steady another way, and that was when Mac appeared in his line of sight and Jack realized he wasn't breathing right.  

"Jack, you've got to breathe. Just, follow my lead, okay?" 

Jack tried to nod, but he couldn't, he was so far gone in the panic that all he could do was squeeze Mac's arm harder. He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe, the phantom pain at the back of his head, the nasty concussion it left in its wake. 

He watched as Mac winced when he took a deep breath and suddenly Jack wasn't in his apartment, but at the edge of the lake, performing CPR on his partner, oh God, it's so cold... 

...

When Jack next came to, he was lying on his couch. He had no idea how he got there, but he realized Mac's thigh was under his head and he jumped with a startle. Then promptly fell back to the softness of his partner's body because his body seized in pain. The actor on that set that insisted on doing his own stunts did a number on him. His bruises had bruises. 

And judging by the way he stilled and didn't breathe for a few seconds, and Mac's gasp, Mac definitely noticed. 

"I'm going to assume that that did not come from a mission." 

"You know I'm off rota until you are back to the field, hoss. I ain't goin' out there unless it's with you. We had a deal, remember?" 

"I'm sorry. Sorry I shut you out." 

"It's okay. You needed time. I get it."

"I shouldn't have." 

"No hard feelings."

"I feel like you are hurt because I wasn't there to stop you from doing whatever reckless thing you did. Jack." 

"I was a stunt double on a movie set. Thank God tonight was the final scene and now I can rest." 

Jack groaned and any other time he'd be embarrassed that he buried his head in Mac's thigh to hide, but he was tired, hurting and if his mind wasn't playing tricks on him, he had a panic attack, which in his books was definitely something to warrant that kind of behavior. 

Besides, Mac could always kick him if he didn't want that.

"Where are you hurt?" Mac's small voice asked and Jack wanted to deflect, but he could detect the hint of worry in the kid's voice so he decided to be honest. 

"Where am I not hurt is the question you should be asking. That little punk ass kid that insists on filming his own stunts that we worked with did a number on me. I think I even have a bruise on my butt, dude." 

Mac chuckled above him and Jack fist pumped on the inside. He was carefully maneuvered into a sitting position next and - yep, that was definitely a big bruise on his butt. 

"Let me see?" 

Mac was asking him to see the bruises, that much was clear. And his voice brooked no arguments so Jack took off his t-shirt and realized just how stiff his shoulders were. 

God, I am getting old. 

Jack let Mac take his fill, he didn't have to see the way he looked to know he suffered a beating. He felt every bruise and every pull on the skin. If he was being honest... it kinda felt like he got what he deserved after what he let happen to Mac and Nikki in Italy. Finding Mac floating in lake Como was one of his worst nightmares come true. 

Cold fingers touched his skin and he recoiled, before he realized it was Mac and then he forced himself to relax. Mac needed to make sure that he was okay, and Jack was going to let him. 

"Jesus, Jack, this is a beating, not a stunt." 

"You should see the other guy." 

"Jack." 

"It's okay, Mac. I've had worse." 

"It doesn't make this hurt any less. C'mon, let's get you to bed. I'll get you some ice." 

Jack wanted to protest, how he was going to take care of himself on his own, but Mac needed to see to it that Jack was going to be okay and Jack was going to let him. 

"Okay." 

Mac, true to his word, settled him into bed and brought ice packs that he MacGyvered into sticking around so as to none of them should hold them in the hurt places. Jack groaned as the cold from the ice seeped into the bruises, but after a while it became a background sensation and he relaxed. 

"Thanks, Mac." 

"Don't mention it." 

They sat in silence for a few moments but Jack needed to know. 

"Mac, why are you here? Not that I don't want you here, I'm more than happy to have you here."

"I realized that I was hurting myself and you by keeping a distance. I was caught in the anger and grief about what happened with Nikki and me... being shot. On your watch. I realized that you are pretty much beating yourself up over what happened and decided to stop some of that train of that. 

"What I didn't anticipate is you literally beating yourself up. Now that's some quality punishment for things you are not guilty of." 

Jack didn't dare look up at Mac, it was enough that Mac knew what Jack was doing. 

Talk about self destruction... him and Mac had a lot in common in that department.

"It wasn't your fault. I should have said that before." 

"It's-"

"God help me if you say "it's okay". It's not, Jack. I pushed you away. It was as if I was telling you that you pulled the trigger." 

Jack winced. Was this kid going to expose all his inner thoughts tonight? 

"Sorry, that didn't come out right. Listen, Jack, I'm sorry. It wasn't okay that I pushed you away. It shouldn't be okay that you accept the guilt so easily. You were hurt, too. Remember?" 

Jack nodded. 

"I'm sorry, too." 

They were both dealing with a loss of a friend (lover in Mac's case) and what happened in Italy in different ways. But it looked like they weren't going to do it each by themselves after tonight. 

"Can I stay?" 

Jack was brought out of his musings and looked at Mac. Really looked at him. The kid looked pale, his cheeks gaunt and he was clutching his left shoulder. 

"Huh?" 

"Can I stay? I'm... My shoulder is hurting and I have some of my things here so... well I should probably text Bozer and tell him I'm-" 

"Of course you can stay." 

"Great, uh... let me just go and grab my phone, I left it on the table. And I'll take these now."

Jack shuddered as Mac removed the ice packs, now melted. 

"I'll get you a shirt." 

A moment later Mac left a shirt on the bed as he went to presumably text Bozer. And Jack smiled when he saw it was one of his old Army t-shirts, loose and comfy. Jack changed into a loose pair of sweatpants and got under the covers, careful not to press too much on the worst bruises. He was going to be sore in the morning. 

Mac re-entered Jack's room and Jack could tell he wanted to say something, but was kinda frozen in the middle of the room.

He raised the covers and tapped on the other half of the bed. 

"C'mere, hoss. Let's get some sleep." 

"I can... I can sleep in the guest room? I could roll over and hurt you, you know how I can get." 

"Nonsense. Come in here." 

"Okay." 

"I think we both need this, so it's a win-win situation." 

Mac smiled and as he settled in, he gravitated towards Jack that pulled him to his side. 

"I'm so sorry I worried you earlier." Jack could feel the tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. 

"It's okay, Jack. I'm just glad I was around." 

Jack nodded in agreement and closed his eyes. They could deal with everything else in the morning. He was wiped.  

"Good night, Mac." 

"Good night, Jack." 

[enigma-im]

Heat of the moment

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Demon X Female!Human Warning: Demon sex, Sexual harassment, Breaking arms, Pushing boundaries, Begging, ovulation meaning heat

I wrote this story about a year ago, it was a short to a much larger story i never bothered finishing. its very indulgent on my behalf, I had fun writing this at 1am a long time ago. its about when a lady hit their peak furtility and shows signs. Her demon boyfriend then can smell it. This story is 18+ and has some boundary-pushing, so viewer discretion is advised?

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    I rest my tired body on the couch, work was hellish today. Everyone was complaining or just being insufferable. My entire being aches from running around doing everyone’s commands. My lower body feels heavy and worn while my arms desire nothing more than to be still.

      As I lay with my arms over my face I feel something grab my feet. The feeling, as light as it is, feels great. The hand goes from my ankle up my leg and stops at my thighs.

     “You smell good,” a voice croaks out.

     “I doubt that,” I grumble. I probably smell like food and sweat, which in my mind is a terrible combination. I don’t know much about demons despite living with one. I have no idea what smells he finds appealing.

     “Smell sweet, and nice,” he mumbles as he pulls my body down the couch. he rests my legs on his lap and continues stroking my thigh. A sigh escapes me as he loosens the aches. Once he hears that he lets out a huff of laughter then travels further up. He makes it to my hips then adjust himself, so he is between my legs. he grinds into me and I let out an annoyed groan.

     “No, I’m too tired,” I swat at his hands. He ignores me like usual and continues pressing himself against me. you would think I’d be used to his attention by now, but man got way too much love to give. I enjoy what he is doing but I’m just too exhausted to want to put any effort into fucking him tonight.

     I get off the couch and slip out of his grasp. I trudge up the stairs and to the bathroom. Using the small amount of energy I have to remove my clothes and get in the shower. As I begin scrubbing myself he makes himself known by stealing the soap from me. he then immediately drops it and lets out a short yelp.

     “Cold,” he groans as he turns the nozzle on the wall. I turned the shower cold in hopes of waking me up a bit, also I just enjoy cold showers. Helps the muscles tighten and less sores for tomorrow. I guess I can throw that idea out the window because he didn’t seem to care for it.

     Steam fills the room and once the water is too his liking he grabs at me again. He runs his first set of hands up my stomach to my chest and the second pair wraps around my waist. He begins grinding once again into me and gropes at my breast like a horny teenager.

      “Either help me wash up or get out,” I snap as I try to wiggle out of his grip. I immediately give up as I really don’t have the energy for this. I just wanna wash up and go to bed. he doesn’t really care for what I want right now because he is still smashing his cock into my back.

      “Smell good,” he mumbles into my neck. I roll my eyes, he is getting real annoying right now.

     “Oh yea, what do I smell like then,” I fire back.

      He buries his nose into my neck and takes a big whiff, “Sin.” Ok that was a little hot but I’m still not having this. I choose to ignore him and continue on my own agenda. I grab the shampoo and squirt some into my hand. I lather it in my hair and he continues pawing at me. my arms bump against him a few times till he gets annoyed and takes control of washing my hair. I always enjoy when he does, he is very talented with his fingers.

     As he massages my scalp a soft sigh leaves me. he grinds into me and lets out his own sigh. I ignore the hard on he has pressing into my back and just enjoy the pampering. He guides me under the water and lets the soap rinse out. Once that’s done he turns off the shower and rips back the curtain.

    “Hey, I wasn’t done,” I shout. He as usual ignores me and wraps me in a towel before hoisting me over his shoulder. Within a blink we are in our room, god I hate when he teleports me. he throws me on the bed and climbs over. He goes back to grabbing any part of me he can and grinding against me.

   “Stop it, you are acting like a horny teenager,” I snap as I push against him. he doesn’t pay me any mind as he removes the towel and admires me. I gotta admit, he does have his ways of making me feel cute. He sits straddling my hips and runs a few fingers over my torso. One hand gloss over my neck while another traces over my ribs.

    “Pretty,” he mumbles. I soften a bit at his words. Fuck, why does he have to be so cute. I’m really trying not to be persuaded but his little actions never fail to warm me. I reach out and run a hand from his stomach to as high up his chest I can reach. “Pretty,” I mumble back. he leans forward onto two hands and grabs mine. he kisses each finger before nuzzling into my palm. I lean forward and peck him on the head, “Stop being so adorable.” He chuckles as he rubs his face more into my palm. He drops my hand then he lowers his head to my neck where he peppers me with kisses and nibbles. I allow him this, and only this. I really do need to get to sleep and knowing him this is going to be an all-night endeavor.       After a moment I push at his chest and he lifts up with no resistance. Still he looks at me with a bit of annoyance. I shake my head at him and move to get up. He growls and tugs me back so I’m laying on his front.

     “No, I need to get dressed and go to bed,” I groan. He growls again which does nothing for my fight against him. I think he knows that too, he knows I can barely resist his growls. I still stand strong and wiggle out of his grip. Once I’m standing I turn towards him. he is reaching for me again and I slap his hand away.

     “No, not tonight,” I snap. He drops his hand and glares at me. with an annoyed huff he is gone. I roll my eyes at his childish behavior. I mean I’m just glad he knows no means no. you would think a demon wouldn’t have those kinds of boundaries but damn if I aint glad he does.

     I get dressed and snuggle back into bed. instinctually I reach out to the other side of my bed. I sigh in disappointment. I still want him here, I just can’t fuck tonight. I roll over onto my back and huff.

     “I’m sorry babe, I really have to get up early. We both know you like to make these things an all-night event. I promise we can have all the wonderful nasty sex you want tomorrow night,” I say into the empty room. I hear nothing back. fine if you want to be a child then go ahead. I roll to my side and try to get some sleep. As I’m on the cusp of slumber I feel an arm snake around my waist and pull me closer to the middle of the bed. 

    “Sorry,” he whispers into my back. I hold his hand in mine and rub my thumb against his. I guess I can find it in my heart to forgive him. not that it really took much.

    I wake up early the next morning. I untangle myself from the demon next to me and begin my day. I get dressed, make breakfast, and gather my things. The entire time I’m doing this he is up my ass following me around. I bump him a few times as I make my way around. He doesn’t layup, he is just on me. we have been living together for a long time and this is an unheard-of behavior. Yet I ignore it because I need to get to work. This is something I will deal with later.

   I get to work at the restaurant on time and begin my shift. It’s a Saturday so I’m kept on my toes moving from one table to the next. To the kitchen and back out to the customers. The morning shift wasn’t too bad. mostly elders or respectable adults, it when mid shift starts that my day begins to drop. A school bus of high schoolers comes in making business begin to back up. After that I deal with some rather unsavory business men in for lunch. It’s usual that men try to flirt with me, I let it by because they give better tips. Yet today I’m ready to sucker punch someone.

    One of the well-dressed men begins straight up harassing me. He starts off small, calling me pet names. It isn’t a big deal but I’m not a huge fan. Then when his appetizers come out he gets more inappropriate. When I bend over to set down their food he blatantly looks down my shirt. I snap back up and give him a glare which he returns with a grin. Then when I pass by he drops his utensils on the floor. Making me grab them and he stares at my ass like it some sort of roast.

    When I give the group their food I see out the corner of my eye his hand reaching out to grab at me. before he could make contact his hand jerks to the side with a harsh snap. I jump back and look at the man’s arm that is bending in a different direction than it should. He lets out a loud shout of pain and I also hear a soft chuckle beside my ear.

    The man is rushed to the hospital and one of his buddies pays for the meal. I get questioned by my managers on what happened, and I tell them all I know. They get all they could before sending me on my break. Once I make it to the staff room I glare into the space.

     “I know you’re here,” I snap. I feel hands wrap around me and I’m pulled into a hard chest.

      “red looks nice on you,” he mumbles. I glance down out my red top then twist in his grip to look at him.

     “You didn’t need to break his arm,” I say into his chest. He rubs my back and nestles the top of my head.

     “Yes, I did,” he whispers. I sigh into his chest and shake my head. what am I going to do with this idiot?

     “Thank you,” I whisper. He gives me a gentle squeeze and we just stand there. He rubs my back and pets my hair as I relax. I really shouldn’t be ok with what happened, but I know he has done worse for less. The man deserved it, hell I wanted to be the one to break his arm.

      “Smell good,” he says again. I look up at him,

      “Why do you keep saying that?”

       “Heat,” he answers. Well, that means literally nothing to me, heat? What does that mean?

     “Babe, I need you to elaborate please, I have no idea what you’re on about,” I say as I let him go. I try to step back but he just keeps me still.

    “Heat, sex, fertile,” he attempts again. He has never been a man of many words and it really shows right now. I think I have an idea what he is talking about but as far as I know humans don’t go into heat. Unless you count ovulation but is that really going into heat? I guess it is but not as extreme as other creatures that go into heat.

     “I smell fertile,” I joke. He nods his head as one of his hands goes down to my rear. He gives a squeeze as he grinds into me. fucking horny bastard. “why is this now a problem,” I ask.

     “Not a problem,” he smiles at me. I roll my eyes as he tries to sneak his hand under my shirt. I take a step back and surprisingly he lets me.

     “Go home, ill be off work in two hours. Then we can do whatever your heart desires.” He doesn’t seem so happy with that plan. He grabs me again and growls into my neck. He gropes my ass and nibbles my neck. Ok change of plans I guess, “Ill tell my boss I’m going home and then we can leave.” I hope that one works for him. instead I feel the familiar rush of being teleported. “Oh, for fuck sakes, at least let me tell my boss I was leaving,” I snap.

     He wastes no time getting me undressed and on the bed. but he does take his time to make sure no part of me is without his touch. He has me pressed against the bed, his hips keeping me down. I look down at his cock and sigh in bliss. He gets on my nerves more than anything alive but god I adore his dick. Its perfectly thick and long, it isn’t over doing it but just right.

    He catches me staring so he grabs my hand and rest it on his stomach. Leaving me to decide what to do next. I trail slowly down before changing course and heading up. He groans with displeasure but quickly discards it as I sit up. His hands grab at me and sets me on his lap. I glide my hands up his chest and around his neck. I pull him down and give a gentle kiss. He loves it when I’m gentle. I slowly pull away and trail soft kisses down from his lips to his cheek then down his neck. As I trail on I push him to rest on his elbows. 

     Once he is down I trace my tongue along the curves of his chest. I follow every contour in worship till I’m face to face with his erection. I look up at him, his mouth open in awe. I grip his cock in a soft grasp before giving his tip a quick peck. 

     “Pretty,” I gasp as I give a long lick from sack to tip. He lets out a shaky sigh as his head rest on his shoulder. I lazily begin stroking while I pepper kisses along his thighs. He doesn’t seem to care for my teasing for he grabs at my hair and presses my lips to his cock. I chuckle at his frustration. I give pity but not too much and just take the tip in. I suck and swirl my tongue. I slide my tongue back and forth over his slit and under the crown. I take him far enough in my teeth graze over and under the crown, so I can gently tug him. he hisses at my ministrations and jerks forward. I snap my head out of reach and smirk up at him.

     He rolls his eyes before dragging me up knowing I’m going to just tease him all night. I can’t help it, he makes such adorable faces. He pulls me into a kiss not waiting to shove his tongue in my mouth. he gropes at me again, one set of hands grabbing at my ass while another is on my tits. He sneaks a hand from my ass to my front. He catches me a bit off guard as he slips a finger between my folds. Spreading my slick over my clit making me gasp in the kiss. I pull back and rest my head on his shoulder while he does quick flicks over my clit. my breath catches a bit every time he rubs. my legs bounce, and I find it hard to stay over him. he catches on and sets me on my back. he lays on his stomach between my legs. one set of hands spreads my legs while the other spread my lips. he stares at my cunt with nothing but sin on the mind.

     “Pretty,” he moans out. He lazily rubs my clit with his finger before pressing a digit into me. I sigh as I feel him crook and drag his finger over a pile of nerves. He was extremely proud of himself when he found this out. I was just as excited as he was. he adds another finger and rubs over the nerves again making my breath catch and my eyes shut. I gasp out again as he picks up the pace, pressing just a bit harder. I run my finger through my hair and flex my toes. He chuckles at me before he stops his sliding and instead presses rhythmically. He bounces his fingers to an unknown beat. At this point I’m gasping and writhing. He knows it isn’t enough to make me cum but just enough to have me struggling.

    I drag my hand down my body and try to help myself along. Before I could make it one of his hands grab mine. the fucker is just going to tease me. I look down at him and down right plead with him. he just smirks up at me, not laying up as I grind my hips to get some sort of relief. I know what he wants, he wants me to beg. I can’t give him the satisfaction, but god I’m so close. I shake my head at him and he frowns. He removes his fingers making me whimper. God, I know I’m going to regret being so needy later. I reach out for him to pull him close, but he isn’t having it. I reach my other hand down to finish myself, but he snatches it and forcing my hands above my head. he gets up in my face and kisses my cheek. I feel his cock nudge my folds and I gasp. I thrust my hips to catch another touch, but he forces my hips down.

     “Beg,” he whispers in my ear. I groan in frustration, it really isn’t that big of a deal to beg but I know he will hold this against me later. Saying how needy I was for him. once he notices I’m not going to do what he asks he grabs his cock and nudges the tip into me. I give out a soft moan and try to bounce my hips against him. he pulls back enough so I can’t take more of him in. I seethe at his teasing, fucking asshole. He repeats his action making sure this time I’m secured to the bed. once his tip is just enough in he starts stroking himself.

   “Fucker,” I grumble as I try to fight his hands and thrust up. He just chuckles then gasp as he gets himself off. His one free hand trails around my chest, grasping my tit then tweaking my nipple. He kisses my cheek and neck making sure I’m thoroughly annoyed. I hear his gasp between kisses and feel short nudges of his cock. I can’t let him finish, not without me.

     “Fine, please,” I grumble. He stops his personal pleasure and looks at me. he lets a hum in question, a ‘what was that’. I roll my eyes and repeat,” please.” He looks to ponder his options before ignoring me and continuing his motions. I groan and try again, “babe please, I need you to make me cum.” He stops once again, he kisses back up my neck and gives a rather rough kiss before bottoming out. I twist my head and open my mouth in awe. God, did I mention his cock was divine, downright sinful.

     He begins a slow pace building his way up. Sliding his cock all the way then gliding it back out. He nibbles on my neck over the scar he made. He picks up pace making me groan and yank against his hold. I need him to touch me, I can’t deal with this ache anymore. I nuzzle his head, licking his horn making him shudder. I whimper out, begging without words. He catches on and traces his free hand between my breast and down between my legs. he circles my clit teasing me just a bit more before giving a quick flick. I hiccup at the immediate striking pleasure. I feel him smirk into my neck before he does it again. This time I clench down making him lose his rhythm. He can’t help but chuckle and gives me what I need.

     I bounce my hip in match with his as he strums my clit. I slam my head back and bite back a whimper which he responds with harsh thrust. I cry out while he rewards me with a soft bite on my neck. I don’t stop myself at this point knowing he loves hearing my moans, especially when he is the one who is making me do it. He doesn’t hold back, doing everything he can to make me cum before he does. I can feel he is getting close because he stops assaulting my neck and sticks with gasping in my ear. I hold his head close to me and grind with him. I cry out as I’m nearing my peak, the wonderful ache starting to spread. I dig my nails into his back and grip his horn as I whisper his name like a prayer. He grunts and begins just plowing into me. I feel my whole body suddenly let go, I’m feel like I’m floating before I’m crashing back down. My whole-body clenches as I bite down onto his neck. He mumbles my name into my hair before he grunts and buries himself fully. We both remain still in a state of pure bliss. Only the sound of our breathing is heard.

     I’m first to unclench my jaw and let go of his shoulder. I wince at the damage for my canines, they seem to have pierced his skin. He pulls away from me and gives me a once over. then he leans down and gives me a fervent kiss.

    “Beautiful,” he whispers. He then pulls out and rolls over onto his back. he drags me closer to him and wraps me in his arms. I snuggle into his side before giving a peck to his chest. As I begin to drift off he whispers, “again?” I roll my eyes, always an all-night thing with him.

[bnha-imagines-all-around]

Nightmares (Mirio Togata headcanons)

Warnings: Season 4 spoilers (!!!), angst, fluff, the sound of the author crying

Request: “ I love your writing and think you're amazing! Keep up the great work! Here's my request: I was wondering if you could do a one shot or some headcannons where the reader helps calm down Mirio Togata after he has a nightmare about losing his quirk in his fight to save Eri? And they help him realize it's okay to be venerable and he realizes how much he loves them. Maybe they fall asleep together? You dont have to write this but I just thought I would ask anyway.Thank you and have a great day! 😁☀️ “

Author’s note: AHHH my heart omg these headcanons hurt my heart in the best way I hope you guys enjoy this! It’s kinda long (again) and kinda reads like a one-shot (again). Feel free to give feedback and/or SEND IN YOUR REQUESTS! PLEASE, I’LL GLADLY WRITE THEM! :D

- So you and Mirio were best of friends, and you two were also in the same class which made life easier. You had been in love with him for a long, LONG time but hadn’t yet had the chance to confess your feelings to him yet.

- When the Heights Alliance student residences went up, you and Mirio ended up being assigned to neighboring rooms, which made your life that much better because Mirio??? Literal sunshine personified??? As a neighbor??? Absolutely amazing. 

- You and him didn’t even lock your doors anymore because the two of you were literally ALWAYS spending time together, bouncing from one room to the other. 

- You’d even fallen asleep on his bed a couple times, but you never spent the night over with Mirio because you always woke up after a bit and apologized before saying good night and going back to your room before crashing.

- You guys had movie nights together all the time (along with Nejire and Tamaki every now and then), you would always hang out with each other and you would help Mirio out with his homework (except most of the time you’d both end up giggling madly and not really get much work done), you guys did literally almost everything together.

- Though what you never knew was that Mirio always felt a bit disappointed whenever you had to leave; he really liked being around you. He just really liked you. Although he couldn’t bring himself to tell you that yet.

- Mirio also startled you waaay more than once by accidentally permeating through the wall into your room out of nowhere. The guy would just suddenly slip through your wall, and given that he was always naked, you would let out a yelp before covering your eyes and getting him a towel.

- Once, he even did it when you had just gotten out of the shower and, boy, was that a moment.

- “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry (Y/N)!” Mirio exclaimed, immediately covering his eyes are turning to face the other way, his face turning bright red as you let out a startled shriek. Thankfully, you had had a towel wrapped around your body, but that didn’t make the situation any less awkward as you had to get him a towel, too.

- Mirio would tease you lightly about it later on, chuckling as he did so, “You know, (Y/N), it’s usually just me who ends up naked, but I gotta say, both of us ending up naked in the same room was one heck of a surprise!”

- “Oh, shut it, Mirio,” You’d reply, punching him lightly in the arm while the two of you both giggled, your cheeks turning bright red.

- All in all, you and Mirio were always together, always happy and having a good time doing absolute anything and everything together whenever possible. 

- At least, that’s how it was before Eri’s rescue. Before everything changed.

- You hadn’t been with Mirio when he was shot with a Quirk-destroying bullet, but you had heard all about what had happened, and you could clearly see the consequences.

- Mirio was outwardly very smiley and positive despite the fact that he had lost the Quirk he had trained and fought so hard to perfect, as well as the fact that he had lost his mentor, Sir Nighteye. 

- However, you knew that Mirio was suffering. You knew that he wasn’t really all smiles and positivity, not after everything he’d gone through. 

- You still spent time with him, although now there were fewer laughs between the two of you, and overall the feeling was much more somber, more serious. You knew Mirio was grieving, but you didn’t know what you could do to help.

- The poor boy looked absolutely exhausted; the shadows under his eyes were extremely dark and his eyes had lost their shine. Mirio looked like a ghost of his former self more with each passing day and it was hurting your heart. You felt so helpless.

- “Mirio... please, I want to help. Let me help. There’s gotta be something I can do to help...” You pleaded with him one day, mustering up the courage to gently place your hand on his cheek, your thumb stroking his skin oh-so-lightly.

- “It’s okay, (Y/N)... honestly, I’m okay. I just... I need to keep smiling. Sir wouldn’t want me to be sad, not if I’m going to be as great a hero as he saw,” Mirio replied, with a tired smile that didn’t reach his eyes appearing on his lips. He leaned into your touch gently, his eyes closing for a split second before he withdrew, looking down at you, “I’ll be okay, (Y/N). Don’t worry about me.”

- “I’ll always worry about you, Mirio. You’re my best friend and I... I care about you. I want to help,” You replied, feeling crestfallen. But Mirio didn’t say a word after that, so you just nodded and wished him goodnight, looking down at your feet as you went into your room.

- The fact that Mirio was so clearly not okay but was refusing your help hit you like a sucker punch to the gut; you so desperately wanted to help him but he didn’t seem to want to let you help him. 

- It got to the point where you yourself were losing sleep over it, and you started having some late nights yourself. You would lay in bed, just staring at the ceiling, or sit on the windowsill, gazing out onto the school grounds as the hours ticked by; 1am, 2am, 3am, time flew by.

- Then, suddenly, one night, you heard a noise that made you jump. It sounded like a cry, one filled with fear and sadness. Your ears perked up and you jumped to your feet, listening carefully. Another cry rang out, and your heart dropped down to your feet; the cry had come from next door. Mirio’s room.

- You quickly ran out of your room and, within moments, you found yourself outside of Mirio’s door just as another cry pierced the quiet of the night. Your heart jolted in your chest as you confirmed your suspicions; the cries were coming from Mirio’s room. From Mirio. Even in his sleep, he was suffering. 

- You tried the doorknob gently, and you were surprised to find that the door opened before you. Without a further moment’s hesitation, you slipped inside and closed the door behind you before racing over to the bed.

- In the moonlight, you could see that Mirio was curled up in his bed. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, his blonde hair was tussled and messy, and his bed sheets were all tangled up around his body as he writhed in his sleep as though in excruciating pain. 

- Your heart twisted painfully in your chest as Mirio cried out once again, the words filled with pain and fear and sadness unlike you’d ever heard before; “NO! NO!”

- You quickly leaned down and placed your hands on Mirio’s arms, shaking him gently as you tried to rouse him from the nightmare he was trapped in, “Mirio! Mirio! Wake up! Mirio, please! Wake up!”

- You shook him harder, your voice quivering slightly as you tried not to break down into tears yourself. You had to wake him, you had to help him. 

- Suddenly, Mirio’s eyes shot wide open and he sat up, his chest heaving as he looked around frantically, trying to figure out what was happening. His sudden motion startled you and you fell backwards onto the floor with a loud “THUMP!”. 

- “(Y/N)? W-What are you doing here? W-What-?” Mirio panted, looking confused and slightly terrified as he gazed at you, trying to make sense of the situation.

- You quickly got up and sat down next to Mirio on the bed. You stayed silent, but then you reached over and wrapped your arms around Mirio in a tight hug, with no intent of letting go any time soon.

- Mirio took a few seconds before returning the embrace, although you could feel the poor boy trembling violently as he did so. His breathing was ragged and you could tell he was trying so hard to calm himself. It hurt your heart.

- “Mirio, it’s okay,” You spoke gently, “It’s okay. I���m here. You’re okay. It was a nightmare.”

- The room was silent, until suddenly, Mirio began to speak. His voice quivered as he spoke, “I-I was at th-the Shie Hassaikai compound again... Eri... I-I jumped in fr-front of her, I-, the bullet, it... it destroyed my quirk. I c-can’t st-stop reliving it, (Y/N). I-It won’t let m-me be... And Sir Nighteye, o-oh God...” 

- Mirio sniffled quietly, trying hard to stop more tears from slipping down his cheeks, “I-I’m sorry, (Y/N)... I didn’t me-mean to wake you. It was j-just a ni-nightmare...”

- You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Words began to spill from your mouth before you had the chance to even think about them.

- “Don’t you apologize. I was already awake, anyways, but don’t you dare apologize to me, Mirio. You’re going through so much right now. Anybody would be hurting, including the best Pro heros out there, after going through what you’ve gone through. I know you’re hurting, Mirio. I see it in your face, in your eyes. You can’t hide it from me. Losing your quirk, losing Sir Nighteye, everything that’s happened to you... You’re grieving. That’s normal, Mirio. You’ve gone through so much... it’s okay to be vulnerable, to fall apart. It’s okay to not be okay.”

- You just kept holding Mirio, speaking gently to him all the while, and you could suddenly feel him burying his face into the crook of your neck, his arms tightening around you as you felt hot tears dripping onto your skin. Mirio was crying in your arms.

- You just held Mirio tighter, and even gathered the courage to gently kiss the side of his head as you did so. As the young man sobbed in your arms, you just tried to focus on being there for him now and tried to ignore the feeling of your heart simultaneously breaking and racing in your chest.

- It was unknown to you just how much time had passed as you held Mirio, but you didn’t care. You just held him and rubbed his back and gently kissed his hair silently until the young man cried himself out. You had finally managed to do something to help him.

- Eventually, Mirio finally drew back, and you could at least see his face, his tear-stained cheeks, his puffy and reddened eyes, but he didn’t let go of you for a second. 

- You looked back at him and brought a hand up to brush his hair away from his face before you did the bravest thing you’d ever done, all hero work included; you pressed a gentle kiss to Mirio’s forehead, letting your lips rest there for a moment before pulling back.

- “S-Stay with me, (Y/N)?... Will you stay with me?... Please?...” 

- The plea slipped from Mirio’s lips so softly that you almost didn’t hear him, but your heart almost leaped out of your chest when you registered what he had said. You smiled at Mirio, before replying back just as softly, “Always.”

- Mirio untangled himself from his bed sheets, sniffling quietly as he did so, before scooting over to make enough space for you to lay down next to him, which is exactly what you did; you crawled in under the covers and laid down so that you were facing Mirio.

- You suddenly felt a bit shy, as you didn’t know what to do or what Mirio wanted, but thankfully, this time Mirio made the first move. 

- He reached over and wrapped his arm around your waist before pulling you close enough so that your head rested on his chest. You wrapped your arm back around him, reciprocating his embrace as you snuggled closer to him. You felt Mirio’s legs entangle with your own, and you felt your heart racing in your chest. 

- Your heart was beating so loud that you were certain Mirio could hear it, so instead you tried to redirect your focus on listening to his heart beating in his chest. 

- “Thank you, (Y/N). You’re my best friend, and I can’t thank you enough for always being there for me. Thank you for staying with me,” Mirio suddenly whispered, and you just looked up at his face and smiled gently as you replied, “Of course, Mirio. I meant what I said earlier; I care for you, and I will always be here for you. I promise. Now, let’s get some sleep, yeah? We both need it, but you most of all. I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”

- At that, for the first time in weeks, Mirio gave you a small smile that was genuine and reached his eyes. You snuggled in closer to him, and Mirio let out a sigh as he placed a tender kiss on the top of your head before resting his head on yours, “Goodnight, (Y/N).” “Goodnight, Mirio.”.

- A comfortable silence filled the room, but it still felt like there was something wanting desperately to be said. However, both you and Mirio were far too exhausted to do anything about it then.

- Despite both of you being completely exhausted, you fell asleep much sooner than Mirio did. That was because Mirio couldn’t stop thinking about you and looking down at your peaceful expression as you slept in his arms.

- Mirio couldn’t believe what had happened that night. Part of him almost wanted to feel embarrassed that you had found him like that, and another part genuinely felt bad about the whole situation, but the biggest part of him was glad you found him and were there for him. For the first time in weeks, he genuinely felt better. And it was because of you.

- As Mirio looked down at your face, he could feel his heart swelling in his chest before he came to a startling realization, almost as though he had been struck by lightning; he was in love with you. And not just a little bit in love with you; he was absolutely, head-over-heels, truly, madly, deeply in love with you. 

- He knew he really liked you before, but Mirio had never really realized that it was actually so much more than that. You were so much more than his best friend; you were his favorite person, his partner, and... you were the love of his life. 

- Mirio had been in the middle of loving you before he had even realized he had begun. He was in love with his best friend, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

- So, as his lids began to feel heavy once again, Mirio gave one last loving gaze at your peaceful, sleeping face, pressed one more tender kiss to your brow and whispered, “Goodnight, (Y/N). Thank you for everything. Sleep well. I love you.”

- And at last, after many weeks of exhaustion and suffering, Mirio finally fell into a deep and peaceful sleep, with the love of his life fast asleep in his arms, his heart and mind finally at rest and a small smile on his face.

[lalunangel]

my dad

i knew my dad in my youth vaguely enough to know he was my papa. he had been gone for literal years and every time he popped in he would cause some heartache and i really started to dislike him. my mom even convinced me that i was the reason he didn’t come around and that he was bad because he hated me so i developed a deep hatred for me dad.

but.. at 14 i gave him a chance. because although he caused a lot of suffering and never played the dad role in my life and i was already basically an adult.. i held no illwill towards him.

so at 14 i was heavily into reading all sorts of books. adult books too. i didn’t ever like to openly admit it but i thought that it was always so interesting. my dad connected to me the best way he could. he read my books. we started a series together but stopped halfway because we couldn’t afford to buy new books every other day. so we never finished it. i still have the books he bought me. they’re very special to me.

my dad became my best friend. so much that i finally started to open up to him about the abuse i endured living with my mom. what boys would do to me. how i hurt myself. how i was severely depressed and no one noticed and why i scream in my sleep. my dad was so kind and willing to learn more about me and take care of me.. i moved in with him by the end of the school year and i lived with him until the summer of graduation.

my dad passed away june 9, 2018. from a heart attack caused by a blood clot. i graduated from high school a couple weeks before. he didn’t bother to go and came up with a shit excuse that i didn’t fall for. i was angry and disappointed. my mom didn’t show either but my mom never looked or wanted success for me. only my dad so i was broken by the fact that my grandma showed and my sister and two distant cousins but not my papa. the only reason i stuck with school and worked hard for good grades. i wouldn’t settle for a c or even b’s because i wanted to make him proud.

i remember the day he died. i finally forgave him for what he did or- didn’t do.. the day before so we were back on good terms. and he asked me to wake him up before i left for work. i did. “Hey papa it’s 6am it’s time to get up” and he woke up with his sleepy face and no glasses and i’m never going to forget.. he got out of bed and said “thank you baby” and i smiled and said “no problem. i gotta go. i love you so much i’ll see you soon!” and he said “i love you too squeeze” i ran up the stairs and went to work. i didn’t get off until 6. it was summer and i wanted to work so hard that i could afford to move out and be happy in my own place and make my dad proud. i got home and i didn’t realize how tired i was and i fell asleep in my work clothes on the pull out couch bed i bought myself from a garage sale a couple months back. i remember him waking me up and laughing about how i needed to change and i needed to eat. it was already really late when he woke me up. i changed into my jammies and i gave him a hug. and i went to eat dinner with my grandma and tell her about my day. my dad ate with us and then went to his room and i sat there. very dazed from my nap. and then he ran into the room saying it hurt. and crying. and begging me to call 911. so i did. i didn’t know what to say. i just wanted him to feel better. i didn’t know what cardiac arrest was until that night. i watched him die.. and then come back.. and for him to say he loved us and beg god to not take him.. and i sat there crying...when they finally showed up they didn’t help much. they couldn’t have anyway. for a year i blamed myself for him dying... i should’ve called sooner.. i should’ve taken him myself. my sister and grandma went to the hospital and told me to stay because he was going to be fine and i had work the next day... 1am came and my sister called my crying.. and i didn’t hesitate to grab my keys and hall ass to the hospital. i didn’t cry that night. i shook violently. i held my sister. i called my mom.. because for once she needed to be a mom.

my mom showed up and my sister curled up in her arms and cried. and i just sat there holding my grandma. i was really sad but i was still processing that my best friend died.. when we finally all went home after we sat there for four hours with his body and my family crying. i went to my room and laid back down and looked at his room door and thought about he wasn’t going to come out that door. that the light wasn’t going to turn on randomly at 3am. that he wasn’t there. and i fell asleep because it rained the whole night. and the next day.. and the next two weeks. i remember dreaming about him telling me he loved me and that he was sorry. and the rain. so when i woke up i thought IT WAS JUST A BAD DREAM!!! but it wasn’t.. i got out of bed..my family still asleep... i went to his room to wake him up.. and i fell to my knees because i knew better and he wasn’t there and his bed was the same as last night and everything was messy and i finally cried.. while everyone else slept. i went back to my room and called my job to let them know i wasn’t able to make it in and explained why. but that i would be back my next working day... because i don’t have time to disappoint him.. and i felt it was all my fault so i needed a distraction. my manager forced me off the schedule for two weeks.. and wouldn’t allow me to pick up shifts because “you need to heal and you can’t heal if you’re constantly hurting at work” so i had to take two weeks- she gave it to me paid. my family from all over came to visit and see him off and comfort us. family apologized to me for not being able to help. apologized to me for my loss. everyone was crying except me.. my mom was even crying... it wasn’t until my dads friend valarie showed up that i finally let everyone see how sad i really was. i held onto her and cried so ugly i ruined her pretty dress. she combed my hair and kissed my forehead- i’m 19... i was an adult. and i was crying like i was a toddler just because someone i found comforting finally showed up. i cried so hard i hiccuped. i cried so hard that everyone gathered around me and hugged me. it was awful. i’m not the attention type. i’m a crybaby by nature but this was my papa. and he died in front of me... and i hadn’t cried for four days.. and here i am crying to an almost stranger and telling her i’m sorry like it’s going to help god bring him back. she didn’t mind. she loved me so hard that i hardly felt sad when i was done.

my family needed a consoling speech the day of the funeral. a way of saying thank you everyone who came. and thank you for being kind to my dad. no one wanted to do it. this is the day after i cried like an ugly baby. and my sweet angelic valarie told me i should say some things. i am riddled with anxiety and i dislike a large portion of my family... and don’t know another large portion. none of my friends who knew my dad showed up. it was just me and my sister. alone in the world again. so i stood up.. and walked to the microphone.. and i shook very violently and my voice was very shaky.. just saying hi to them and saying thank you for coming... my family is not supportive of many things and they don’t believe in my anxiety.., but that day they put aside their beliefs and yelled “we love you angel” “we’ll always be here” “we’re glad you’re talking” “mija it’s okay if you can’t do this” and i shook so violently that my sister who at the time was just 14...had to hold me so i stopped. i laughed after hearing all the nice things.. and the support. and i finally spoke about my dad. i didn’t have a lot to say because i was only 14.. but i knew so much that i spoke enough to comfort my family.

i don’t remember what i said- but i know i said thank you. and i made jokes about my dad. and talked about all the good memories i had with him. and how grateful i was because he wanted me so much. and that i was sad and that i was sorry i wasn’t crying but i wanted to be strong for those who felt much worse than me. and i remember one by one each of them slowly standing up and saying “We love you girls” to my sister and i while we stood up there. i remember shaking so hard that valarie stood up and went to hold my hand and how i laughed nervously and said “i want to cry because this is a really nice moment but also i’m deeply hurting. i just want all of us to heal and for god to give us his light back” and shaking so hard that valarie latched herself on to me and my sister. and she spoke on behalf of us the rest of the time while we stood there. i was 18- my sister 14. if you didn’t know our age we looked like two 10y/o’s shaking under the pressure. this really sad song dad liked a lot played after and i turned around and hugged my sister.. who was crying so hard and ugly that i was afraid that they only heard her. we sat there next to him on the floor shaking and crying and hugging for what felt like hours... our home was gone.. my grandma got up and kneeled down and hugged us.. and so did my grandpa.. and my tías.. and all of my cousins... shaking... i remember shaking so hard and hearing my sisters ugly sobs and thinking “who would’ve thought we would love you this much” i.. know if my mom died i wouldn’t cry. i wouldn’t shake. i’d sit there and comfort my family. my sister and my grandma are very different for me.. i love them with everything... like i loved my dad... and i remember thinking “you finally brought us all together” he finally did it... in the worst way possible... we went to the cemetery which is really far- and i apparently shook so much my body was tired i fell asleep on the ride on my grandpas shoulder.. he didn’t hesitate to hold me. we fell asleep together... and i woke up thinking my dad was holding me.. and clinging to my grandpa the rest of the day... he wouldn’t let me go either. he held me so tight that i thought i’d burst. i remember them praying loudly when they were putting sand on the coffin. i remember the loud sobs from people i didn’t know. i reply great grandma sitting next to me shaking just like me and saying “aye gordo why so soon mijo” and it was over.

they all came to my grandmas and spent the day together. drinking. having fun. and i sat in my room. i didn’t have a real room- i had a corner with a curtain dividing it from the space. everyone singing and dancing.. everyone happy.. and i thought “maybe i can cry now” and it didn’t come. i didn’t cry about losing my dad until i went back to work. i was so ready. i started strong and halfway through...a coworker talked about her dad. how he calls her princess.. she’s 50... and i smiled and said “mine calls me all sorts of names but my favorite is squeeze” my dad called my angel baby and i was in love with it for forever until a boy ruined that for me. he called me baby cakes. chunkers. mac to his cheese my dad called me all sorts of names.. Zoe Jane... izz. goober.. luna.. his star.. his flower.. i along side me sister was his world.. and i loved it.. he’d sing to me if i was sad and i took that for granted. he gave me all the great qualities to be a good adult. a good person. and i took it all for granted. she asked me all sorts of questions about him. if he had tattoos. what he liked to do in his free time... i never realized but all those answers were right on the surface because i memorized him. he had 11 tattoos. he liked to fish and paint and garden in his free time. he liked rock music but could enjoy literally anything as long as it made him feel something. he liked to read and he wouldn’t turn down girly pre teen books either. he liked being alive.. and when i told her these things she looked at me and asked why i was crying... and i wiped my tears and laughed and said “that’s a health code violation” and walked away... i had to take a break after that. they weren’t allowed to talk about dads after that for months. i wasn’t sensitive to it.. i would just talk about my dad like he was alive and it made them worry for me... one day i turned in my two weeks and said goodbye to them and i felt really sad because outside of my family- these were the only people to care about me.. and my loss. they supported me and prayed with and for me.. they helped me heal.. when all my “friends” abandoned me. i was incredibly sad to leave.

I think about that year so much.. how all my dad wanted me to do was make amends with everyone in my life and i couldn’t. i couldn’t sit there and say sorry or admit the hurt i was going through.. i was too stubborn.

I still sit in my car and wonder what it’d be like to see you drive it.. or to see you be a passenger again in the car while holding a beer. Would you listen to olivia rodrigo with me..? would we be okay..? I hate your birthday so much because it’s so fucking heavy.. your death date.. it’s so heavy and i get so angry.. why is everything so fucking heavy.. I can’t even explain the lengths my heart have gone through to attempt at healing. It’s so horrible and lonely.. i want to scream so loud now.. I’m 21.. i want to scream so loudly that my voice is heard over the corners of the game you and they hear the anguish i’m in. I want someone to take the pain away already. I want someone to see me... to really see me and the hurt in my heart and tell me i’ll be okay.. tell me it’ll get better but it never stops hurting. it’ll never stop hurting.. i’m so ANGRY AT THE WORLD FOR TAKING YOU AWAY FROM ME! i’m so angry.. i’m so angry that i’m hurting so much..

i want to scream so loud that someone learns the language of it and screams with me.. i hate you.. i hate you because you left me.. i need you everyday and it’s fucking agony and i only use swear words to enhance the things i have to say because if i’m honest.. i won’t be able to comply what i feel in basic words.

i’ve cried more about you at 21 than i ever did at 18 and i’m so sorry.. you deserve a more feeling daughter and i denied you.. i denied you all my life..

i decided to get your handwriting tattooed on me. i don’t care about the risk of losing grandmas love or approval.. i don’t care about the risks anymore.. i just want to feel again.

i hate what an unfeeling bitch i’ve become to some people.. i hate how over loving i am for others.

i’ll never be satisfied with myself.. because i can’t hear you telling me what’s wrong with me anymore.

[riskeith]

good morning love! (or afternoon for you hehe)

deku vs kacchan part 2 is my favorite ep of the entire series actually. i’ve watch that ep so many times as well it’s just perfect. i got into them when i watched that episode actually! the voice acting god..... literally shivers. now that i think about it it might even be my favorite anime ep of all time help. i just love how bakugou lets it all out and we get to see that side of him.. the insecure scared child he tries to hide. god i could ramble about it forever idk just love it. OH YOU WATCHED THE MOVE RIGHT AFTER? a scene with bakugou and todoroki is guaranteed a good time.. and they work so well together. haha that’s such a nice coincidence tho their dynamic is great in that movie even if it’s mostly kiribaku sjsksjk. what do you think about kiribaku btw?

RIGHT!!! at least we have a couple days to decide hihi.... paimon no longer emergency snack.. only seelie. 🥴 oooh? what kind of thing have you envisioned? (if you wanna share ofc!)

i’ve seen so many people mention that!! like one of the worst parts of the game is that in the higher level you get the less there are to do.. ssjksjdk at some point all you can do is grind domains and try to level up shdkdfhdj

LEVEL 40 INTO A LEVEL 70+ FIGHT ok that’s honestly hilariously brave doesn’t she like die right away 😔 oh yeah you’ll be leveling up Again soon *praying for you*... can’t believe they don’t keep the easy bosses anymore sjdkfh that’s so rude. this game is just grind grind grind. WE NEED A BENNY STORY SO BADLY. like imagine a story with him wanting to seek out diluc because he wants to learn how to fight from a master or something like that. i saw it in a comic and i can’t stop thinking about it 😭 all of them deserve stories!!! there’s so many ways they could make it happen pls mihoyo... chongyun x xingqiu story... <333

shfkjdskdjhf nope right now i’m playing with noelle as my main damage dealer, traveller, lisa and barbara actually. so i think i have a pretty good balance atm.. 2 long range 2 short range-ish. i usually trade out barbara for another character if i have to tho, hehe. that’s only combat though ^ benny is with me when we explore. mood is me having a 5 star and not even using her... i still need to think of ways qiqi could fit into the group yk. is your group still looking the same as before? ooooh if you could rank the elements what would your ranking look like?

172!!!!! that’s a bit short though when you said tall i thought like... 190 or something sjksjdxk. wait how tall are You?

oh i just meant like... people bashing others for spending too much money on the game vs those that bash people for not spending money and complaining that they don’t get 5 star etc? idk yt comments can be so ugly though so it’s a good thing that you don’t read them sjdjdjdkd

that’s super smart!!! you just follow along the plan and delete when you come to the part. must feel so satisfying too i imagine. haha, what little notes i have i put in the notes app and just check up on when i need to. sometimes i even forget they’re there shdkdhsks. my notes are filled with half-assed dialogue or random one words notes that don’t make any sense to me anymore.. nskdhddjdj

you’re right!! so you write at night? sometimes i just open docs on my phone and write a bit before i sleep and when i wake up it’s either a grammatical mess or just... super bad hskshd the brain is simply too tired to create anything shakespeareian

nooo i’ll def check these out and let you know what i think. i’ve seen halsey being in pretty much every klance playlist on spotify so i imagine she portrays their vibes pretty nicely. doesn’t she have a song she sings about being blue and red or something... shdjfhdj such a bad description but i see it being used in edits a lot. also now that i think of it melanie has a song called pacify her that i really like!! do you like it?

THATS SO CUTE YOU ARE A CRYBABY. 🥺 same here tbh i actually like crying sometimes... sjskdjdjd like you said it just feels nice to get it all out. i cry to almost movie or series or book i read i’m a super emotional person but i also think it adds to the experience? you feel more immersed in it that way.

RIGHT??? ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! and it’s our boys 😭 and they’re cuddling 😭 under the sun 😭 ssjdjdhdjdj 😭

can’t wait to hear from you again <3 yours, ma <3

good night! more like ahhah

:o!! that’s so legendary of them wow.. <33 and yeah honestly the voice acting is phenomenal.. and all the implications behind the fight too? bakugou finally opening up? midoriya understanding that what he needs is to fight him? ugh. kiribaku is fine! fhdsjfks my brain is so full of todobaku that any other ship is really just... in the background hfskjfs but i can appreciate the relationship they have! with kiri being the only one bakugou has really acknowledged and seeing as being on the same level, that iconic hand clasp when bakugou was being rescued... i have a kiribaku fic in my drafts but idk if i can ever get to it ahha. you like them a lot right?

ikkk also i didn’t know we had to wait until the very end to buy? i have more than enough to buy it rn but when i clicked it said ‘must explore area 14 first’ and i was just... bruh. AHAHAH. okay so in my mind it’s like.. chongyun at a funky angle we’re kinda looking up at him and his body is like bent down towards us fhsdkjs idk how to describe it but i can picture it very well but i also cannot put it to paper/screen. and then his clothes are just black instead of white! HAHAH. tho i kinda wanna see if i can draw a xiao first to offer up to the gacha gods hfsdjkfs (and if i can i’ll do a version w a dark outfit too for u hehe)

legitttt im literally just logging in and grinding the talent domains every day fhsdkjfhskfhjd there are some artifacts i want as well but the domain is literally SO difficult for me fuck.

i just go in and use her skill then heal a bit and switch right away fhsdkjfsd it going alright! and then i go ham with my other 3 charas and switch back to her to heal again fhskfjd. OMGGG that’s so cute please... i miss diluc too... come back!! i wish we had a way to replay the old quests even if we get nothing out of them like i just wanna experience it again ya know.

oooo! that’s pretty nice. hfskjd you could switch barbara out for qiqi! since she’s a healer as well. omg wait you have lumine right? so your combat team has no males? legendary 😩 we love fighting queens! ya! traveller, chongyun, xiangling, fischl. and then i switch depending on the domain/boss i’m gonna fight. hmm elements I think would go: anemo, cryo, electro, pyro, hydro, geo, dendro? LMAO i reckon if i had diluc tho pyro would be higher... i also almost forgot to add geo to that list lmaooooooo oops, hbu??

I JUST SAW THE LINK.... AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! the bestest boys look how cute they’re sjdkfjdjjdd i’m obsessed. the picture where benny has his back turned sjdudjdjddnd stop. 🥺 they’re so neat. 🥺 also NO ARE YOU SERIOUS? that’s so upsetting are you gonna try it out nonetheless or do you think it’s too risky?

they’re SO neat!!! and bennett facing the other way was so fhskjfd yeah cute <3333333 I KNOWWW IM SO SAD :((( and no...... im not gonna try 😭😭😭 i told my brother about it too and he asked how many rolls i was at and i said 70 and he was straight up ‘you can’t try then’ and i was like ‘i know 😔😔’. @ xiao... i am giving up xingqiu rate up for you 😤😤😤😤 ugh i hope i can still get xingqiu in xiao’s banner tho even tho the chances will be shit. are you gonna roll ganyu’s banner?

FHSKJFSD NOOOOOO don’t tell me 172 is average for you wtf... (apparently the average male height in japan is 160cm! for reference ahah) and i myself am. one hundred and. fifty something cm hfsdjfhskjdfhskdjfhw9uehdsifhwsdkjfhsdkfhsd 😔 big sighs lmaoooooooo. how tall are you? (im assuming much taller 😔😔😔😔😔)

ooh notes app? nice ahaha. fhdkjfhskfsk hdthat’s the mood tho! if i don’t have my laptop with me i’ll write out everything on notes first then transfer to my laptop~

AHAHAH yeahhh i think mostly i do? bc during school times i’ll only write after i’m done with my work which = night time. for a while Peak writing time for me was like 1am lmfao but i do that in a like half-asleep half-conscious state so when i come back the next day at a “normal” time i run into the same issue as you fshdfkjshfs

she does!!! it’s called colours 😩 but i think the one i related to voltron most is control! there was this really good shiro edit with that song i still remember it to this day <3 yeah i do!!! i like most of melanie’s songs actually ahahah. i think my favourite for a while was show and tell~

it totally does!! like it’s satisfying as well you know... like the characters have gone through so much and you experienced that with them so it’s natural to get emotional about it. that reminds me, what kind of books do/did you read? did you read all Those YA novels ahah talking about crying has reminded me how i cried reading those..

<333 i wanna be there with them 😩 actually no i want to BE them 😩😩😩

eager for your response <33 love, c.r.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers XIX (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: I don’t like angst, yet it’s the only thing I’m able to add at my stories. Also, the vamps are teen-band certified. They had to be in the soundtrack of Josh’ life cause they’re as dramatic and passionate as him. I don’t exactly mean that as a compliment. We’re getting close to the end!

Words: 2,677

Warnings: None!

Previous chapter // Last chapter

I had no way to introduce the song smoothly into the plot so I’ll just attach it here.

It’s four in the morning and the three of us are in my old room. You could say I’m miserable.

This place is even more depressing than I remembered, seriously, why there are so many pictures in my room? What was I trying to prove, that I know how to use a camera? 

Every single picture with Maya in it I took it down, even if this isn’t my room anymore, I don’t want this to remain untouched like it’s worth preserving.

I’m still awake cause I hadn’t finished Wesley’s podcast, and god I wish I hadn’t heard the end.

It got me thinking, everything is out of control right now. One moment we could be sleeping and a second bomb could drop, then none of us would know what happened.

I have been living on wasted opportunities, on ‘what ifs’ and shitty friendships cause I don’t think I’m worth it. Maybe I’m not, but the kids back at the mall are, they are this city’s future, even if that sounds crazy right now. 

I decided I’ll help them, which means I’ll have to help Eli.

I have no choice.

_______________________________

Josh knew he’d fucked up big time.

When he came back after talking to Mavis, he knew that things needed to change, he was pushing people away, it was calculated at first, but now it was out of control and he had lost the only person he wanted to keep around.

It was his fault. There was no way to excuse his behavior, Y/N only wanted to keep him safe, she cared about everyone, something Josh was too self-centered to accomplish.

He regretted every word he’d ever said, to Sam and Y/N. They were good to him, trusted him. Fuck, Sam trusted him enough to sleep with him even if she knew it was his first time. 

Y/N had followed him to a mall where a psychotic killer was threatening to kill them just cause he asked for help... one thing seemed bigger than the other, but priorities shifted dramatically once the world ended, to be fair.

So when he entered the pharmacy only to find the lonely notebook laying on top of the counter, he panicked. Y/N was gone, and now he didn’t have a way to know where she was.

Unless...

Right, it was around 7pm and he had a target painted on his back, but she was worth it, more importantly, she was right.

He was going to fix his own fuck-ups, but first, he had to find Y/N.

So at 9pm, he left the mall.

He went on his skateboard, though it was loud during the night, it was also quieter than cars. He stopped at a store and took several spray cans of bright green paint, ready to start looking.

The question was, where?

Maybe Alex’s house? But he didn’t know where he lived. A house didn’t sound right, she would’ve been more careful than that, Y/N was super smart, so she’d have to be on a safe place that’s also out of any tribe’s territory.

The problem was that most of those areas were difficult to live in, they’re infested with Ghoullies or mutant things. Josh thought carefully, for Y/N, the worst choice wasn’t a Ghoullie-infested area, at least they wouldn’t be smart enough to catch her. She had to make a choice.

Josh started looking in the infested areas.

He wasn’t expecting to just find her and watch as she ran into his arms. Y/N was sick of him, she would be pissed for sure, so he was ready to get extra-roasted. 

He didn’t worry about that, what worried him, was Y/N not wanting to have anything to do with him anymore.

He’d thought things through and he knew (even before Y/N had said it) that Sam would reject him after all those months apart, he was okay with that. Sam had every right to say no.

Did it upset him a bit considering he had lost a finger for her? Yeah, but that was just life being shitty. Like Y/N said, you can always learn from your mistakes.

It’d clearly gone over Josh’s head the first time, but now it was stuck on his mind.

“I'm sorry for the way I behaved And I'm sorry that I let you down again I probably threw it at you I know Yeah I worry you didn't like me anymore”

Actually, it was Y/N L/N who was stuck in his mind in general.

The crazy things she could do, the silly short-overalls that she insisted on wearing were a nightmare, but Josh was now in love with them for the simple reason that they were hers.

He knew he overreacted when Y/N told him Sam was a jock, but it was just that the idea seemed impossible, Sam was too chill for that, she had to be against her will.

So he figured since he couldn’t fix what he had done to her months ago, the least he could do was to save her from Turbo. Afterwards they would be even, and Y/N and Josh would be finally free from any unfinished business.

He would be free to be with her without feeling guilty.

It was around 1am and his hand was starting to hurt from painting the walls on every block. He was also wasting time, what if Y/N had left the city already?

No, he needed to calm down. Y/N didn’t want to leave the city, that’s what she told him before. She was definitely here.

Where the hell was she?

“Alright, ponder,” Josh rested a hand on his knee, closing his eyes for a moment, “fuck, I need sleep...”

She wasn’t around the Ghoulie area, so the next stop was the X-Pug district. There was something about that place that could help him: Y/N’s house was in it and he still remembered how to get there. He hoped he was right.

By 4am his legs were sort of giving up, Josh forced himself to continue, he had about two more streets before he would reach her house and then maybe, if she wasn’t there, he could rest a couple hours and keep searching the next day.

There was obviously no lights on, so he whisper-yelled.

“Y/N?” He looked around to make sure he was threat-free, “Y/N?”

Josh wasn’t religious, but he felt the touch of god on his chest when a pair of shiny eyes peered over the second-floor window.

_____________________________________

Well, look what the bitch-wind brought to my humble home.

“Josh?” I frown, getting up from my desk chair, “What the fuck are you doing outside my house?”

“I had an epiphany”

“You had an- have you slept at all?”

“No, but I’m not crazy!” He tilts his head, “Well I did see my dad for a moment, but I think I imagined that...”

“Leave,” I say simply, “I don’t want to talk to you, I’m done.”

“I know you are”

“I won’t help you save Sam”

“I wasn’t going to ask you that.”

“What do you want?” I hiss.

“Can you... come down for a moment?”

I’m tired, but my heart is also hammering against my chest. 

He came for me, he’s here for me.

I hope I’m not wrong.

“Hold on,” I reply with a neutral expression.

_____________________________

At last, he had found his savior. 

Y/N appeared at her doorstep with her arms crossed, glaring at Josh.

“So?”

“Uh, yes?” His hands were sweating profusely.

“What do you have to say to defend yourself?”

“I'm sorry that I pushed you away And I'm sorry, I couldn't give you everything And I need you just to try to understand I let you take from me it all, it's just I feel like half a man”

“I...” Josh gulped, giving one step forward, “my brain is the size of a bean”

Y/N’s frown deepened.

“Okay?”

“I have tons of issues. We said it was nice to be around each other cause we understood, we knew,” He explained slowly so the words wouldn’t get all mixed in his head, “But after a few days I watched as you evolved into this super cool version of yourself: you had this new outfit and a new identity on which you were comfortable. You got over your problems and everything just seemed to be... going so well for you.”

“So it’s my fault?” Y/N scoffed.

“No!” Josh was quick to respond, “What I’m saying is that we promised to fix our stuff, and we were supposed to find out together. I fucked up. I let you do the whole work while you fixed your own issues and I stood there on big denial, focusing on other things.”

Josh stepped closer to her, Y/N remained still.

“I know I put everything on your shoulders and let you do the work, that was such a huge dick move I can’t even pretend to have a reason for that, I just need you to know that I’m sorry. I regret all the things I said. It’s all a lie, you do know me. You know me and it scared the crap out of me. When you said Sam could be a jock my mind knew you had a good point, but I got scared”

“I’ve been scared too,” She replied harshly, “I was terrified to stay around, I was shitting my pants just thinking of what could go wrong if I decided to give in to what I really wanted.”

She looked up to the sky, maybe trying to find an answer.

“This won’t work, Josh. Not if we keep pushing each other away in our own little ways, you with your words and me... doing it literally.”

“Then... now what?”

“And now I found That I've tried, tried my best just to keep you around But the weight of the world keep on dragging me down”

“Now nothing,” Y/N’s eyes avoided his, “do your thing and I’ll do mine. Fix your issues, then maybe we’ll have a chance. You have to make up your mind, Josh. Where is your heart?”

He knew the answer to that, but it wasn’t much of a difference if Y/N didn’t know. He could live all his life like this and still not be with her because she doesn’t have a way of knowing.

How could he tell her without actually tell her, now that his words lacked truth in her eyes?

He was still thinking about it when Y/N spoke up again.

“Did you know that Triumph dethroned Turbo?”

It took him a moment to understand what she’d said.

“What?”

“We saw it this afternoon,” Y/N shook her head, “we don’t know how did he escape, but now he’s the tribe’s leader. Your wishes became reality, Sam is truly in danger”

He didn’t like the way her voice sounded in the last part, but that wasn’t important at the moment.

“You know what he’s planning to do?”

“We don’t,” Y/N shrugged, “nothing good for sure... Eli found us there, he wanted to convince me to go back and kick you out of the mall, he’ll be pleased to see you’re already out.”

Josh looked over to the window on the second floor.

“Is he in there with you?”

“Yes, so is Alex,” She stayed silent for a second, Josh saw a question forming on face, “How did you find me?”

He smiled for the first time in the day.

“The day we made our group project I took you home in my mom’s car, remember?”

“I didn’t think you’d remember,” Y/N replied honestly, “it’s been a while”

“My bean-brain can hold any information as long as it has to do with you.”

He thought he saw a glimpse of her smile for a second, it didn’t last enough.

“It’s late, you should come in and rest”

“I’m fine”

“You haven’t slept, I know,” Y/N stepped aside so he could get in, “I can see the dark circles under your stupid puppy-eyes.”

“Was that a compliment?” He teased lightly.

“Get your ass in before I feed you to the mutant pug,” She waited until he was fully seated in the living room, “for the record, I’m still upset. This does not mean you’re forgiven, and it definitely doesn’t mean I want to keep our... thing, going on, you got it?”

“I got it”

“Goodnight,” She replied, going upstairs.

“Y/N?” She looked down to where Josh was, he hadn’t moved to lay on the couch, “I promise I’ll make things right”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Let’s see how it turns out.”

_______________________________

It’s morning time!

Well, it’s ‘acceptable-hour-of-the-morning-to-be-up’ time.

I wake up in my own bed, I see Alex sleeping beside me and it’s almost like we went back in time to those good days when we had sleepovers. However, we know that’s not true.

I sit on my bed and realized there’s something missing: Eli.

Thinking that maybe he woke up before us and found Josh sleeping in my living room, I get up quickly, afraid that he might have cut his throat while he was still sleeping.

I accidentally kick Alex on my way out, he wakes up in confusion, asking me if my mom’s making breakfast.

“I sure hope not,” I reply with irony, “cause she’s been dead for half a year”

“What?” He opens his eyes and looks around, suddenly coming back to the present, “Sorry, I was dreaming with-”

“The past?” I ask while I put on my converse, “I figured you were.”

“Where are you going?” He sits.

I explain to him briefly what happened last night while they were sleeping and how I’m about to check if Eli hasn’t killed Josh. Alex decides to join me and while we walk downstairs I see his little smirk.

“Don’t you dare,” I warn him, “I know what you’re thinking”

“And what am I thinking?”

“I told you so,” I huff, “like you’re some kind of wise Dr. Love”

“You know I’m right”

“He came for me, big fucking deal. He also spent six months looking for Sam, he does these things all the time, it doesn’t mean he cares”

“They not here,” Alex stops in the living room, “and there’s no blood, so we can assume they didn’t kill each other.”

I walk into the kitchen and my eyes land on the fridge, they left a note stick to it with a magnet.

“Alex?” I say, “There’s a note...”

I grab it and read it, not waiting for my friend’s reply.

‘Y/N,

Eli found me downstairs and tried to kill me. It’s alright, I told him you let me in. He was upset, he has reasons, I kicked him out of his home.

I told you I’m going to fix things, so I convinced Eli to help me get to the school safely so we can put Triumph back in a cage and the jocks (yes, Sam too) can have a better life, not one as slaves of a cannibal adult. He is also willing to let the kids stay and share the mall with him, along with Wesley, Angelica, and Ms Crumble if they decide to return. In exchange, I promised that I won’t.

Last night you asked me about where my heart is, I hope that once you leave the house, you get the answer. 

I don’t have the best taste in music according to the witch, so I can’t leave you secret messages hidden inside lyrics like you did for me on our Homecoming do-over. Still, I hope the message is readable, cause otherwise, I forced Eli to help me on a useless mission.

DON’T try to find us, we have it under control.

-Josh.’

“Y/N?” Alex calls me from the front door, “come see this...”

I put the note in my pocket and follow his voice.

“What’s...” I walk out of the house and gasp, “fucking bastard.”

In front of us, bright-green letters spell the phrase:

“IT’S WITH YOU”

It’s painted on every entrance, on the asphalt is he wrote the biggest one, his handwriting unmistakable. 

That sure answers my question.

“You know what that means?” Alex stands next to me.

"Yes," I say breathlessly, "it means we have to help Eli and Josh stop Triumph."

“Are we saving the world?” He smirks.

“We’re saving the world.”

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic @slythermyg @loving-u-3000​

[leather-n-laces]

in case you missed it: my 2020

so I’ve been gone for like...a year almost. I did log on time to time to respond to messages bc I didn’t want to ghost anyone. Some of you know what’s up, others dont so if you’re curious. 

THE BAD

2020 was a bad bad bad year personally. LIKE BAD. Shit with my family culminated in me and my bf almost being homeless because my mother was upset that sometimes I would make dinner for just my boyfriend and she would have to cook for herself/my father. SO just getting that out of the way right off. I wont be listing individual instances bc ew.

march 2020: fell, fractured my knee cap - I get a not so great doctor

mid march 2020: ontario goes into a state of emergency due to covid, every closes for a month. I can’t walk ( in a zimmer splint ) and everything is closed. Literally everything

june 2020: I’m walking without the cast now but ouchie. I have atrophied muscles in leg/knee, still can’t get in touch with a doctor. Since COVID numbers aren’t really going down and I’m in the ‘at risk category’ due to pre-existing conditions, I’m still on lockdown. My dog also underwent emergency surgery to remove a tumor growing on her abdomen. 

july-august 2020: finally get to see the doctor, told I need A LOT of physio. I’m not covered and not having worked, couldn’t afford the $1k it would cost. By this time I am also severely, severely depressed. I’m either not eating or binge eating, not sleeping, I spend most every day in a state of panic over everything. I do not/cannot start physio but I also cannot work a 8hr shift on this leg

august-october 2020: tbh this is kind of a blur. We got a vehicle finally. finally. see above re: my family is mental this was a big deal. My depression was easily at its worst. I’m not working, can’t do physio, scared of going back to work without it. I was a wreck. I was also getting tired of of being a wreck. I talk to some close friends on going on antidepressants.

thanksgiving 2020: I talk to my doctor and she says it sounds like I could benefit from antidepressants and I start a prescription. Jersey ( my little dog who had surgery in the spring) is sick with a minor infection. 

november 2020: it’s like a fog has lifted and I feel...human. For the first time in my whole life I feel normal. I’m on my full dosage now and my mood has stabilized. I can FUNCTION. I don’t panic about things as much, I’m calmer, I can ‘control’ my thoughts infinitely better and even on the bad days intrusive thoughts are gone or just barely there.

december 2020: we’re tackling my sleep now, still not working (sort of due to fear) jersey is sick. The week before Christmas I end up having to put Jersey down. She went in for constipation, but after having a battery of tests and x-rays done the vet discovered her lungs were filled with tumors. She’s 13 and another surgery would be extremely extremely expensive not to mention incredibly difficult for her, if she survived it her quality of life would be next to none. 

christmas 2020: my bf and I have to get tested for COVID because I’m sick. (we were both negative) 

---

I’m not back at work yet. Honestly, I’m kind of scared at this point because I’ve been gone so long. I’m really worried about going back but I think that’s normal. I have to rip the bandaid off eventually though. My goal is to be back working by the end of February (assuming I’m healthy) I’m a bit worried about having to pay taxes but my boyfriends already committed helping me pay back the CERB (government relief which was taxable...) I’d gotten. Sadly we couldn’t save as much of it as I had hoped. 

thanks to my medication I’m able to...do things. I stick to a routine, I go to sleep before 1am most nights (that’s a big change for me, believe me), my room is clean for the longest it’s been in my life. I’m showering, I’m taking care of my skin. These are all super insane massive deals to me. I’m mentally in such a better spot, I’m even considering getting a pet. For the last few years 6+  I haven’t even owned fish. I had the dogs but I wouldn’t let myself get anything for fear of not being able to look after it. 

Well now I’m looking into getting a crested gecko. I’m hoping I can make this happen relatively soon (as we’re going to be in lockdown until my birthday at least) but we’ll see. I’m in a better place now. My living arrangements haven’t changed sadly, but I’m handling it better. Once I’m working again I can start actively saving and hopefully within a  year or two at most, we can get out of here. 

[anonsally]

Days 79-82 of COVID-19 shelter-in-place

These have been four very intense days both globally and personally. This admittedly long post will focus more (but not exclusively) on the personal side of that.

Day 79 was Wednesday. I hadn’t had enough sleep, but I got up at a reasonable hour because I needed a ballet class. Before class started, I got a call from the medical center for scheduling a procedure I need to have done. That will be in 2 weeks, contingent on me testing negative for COVID-19 four days beforehand. I’m anxious about the procedure but will be glad to get it over with after several months of worry. Anyway, ballet class was good for calming me down. 

It was hot out. I did my parents’ grocery shopping (and bought a few things for us) and then had a nice conversation with my dad when I dropped off his groceries. We talked about the state of the world. He told me about a city that had literally fired its entire police department and started over... which is what we probably need on a national level, with very few exceptions. 

I refueled the car on the way home and got a predictably late start on my work day. Wife got two more job interviews scheduled at very different companies. I took a walk, spotting another Steller’s jay at the bird feeders. The jays are so much larger than the little birds who frequent the feeders!

I then went to try to buy milk, but the tiny independent market had closed early to enable the employees to get home before curfew. So I had to go to Trader Joe’s instead. By the time I got home I was somewhat demotivated about food prep, but luckily Wife pulled herself together and scrambled me an egg. I didn’t manage to get to bed till 1am, which was at least an hour later than I’d intended, but Wife was still up at 4am!

Day 80. I forced myself to get up at 8:30 since I knew I would need to go to bed early that night. I arranged to (video-)meet with my boss at 12:30. I started work around 11am or so and got a few thing done. The meeting with my boss was good--partly social, discussing how we were coping with the situation and working from home, what we missed about the office, and such, but we also talked about what I’ve been working on. She reminded me that the study section reviewing my grant application will be meeting this month, so I will have to remember to check my scores.

Afterwards we had a meeting with a few other coworkers, which was fairly productive. I had a short “coffee break” video call with a colleague, too. The county-wide curfew was lifted a day early.

After work, I took a walk in a direction I hadn’t gone in a while. Was heartened to see Black Lives Matter signs even in cul-de-sacs in a wealthy, mainly white neighborhood. I picked up takeout for dinner, and did a bunch of Adulting in the early evening, including preparing for the next morning. I was in bed by 10:45pm.

Day 81. My alarm got me up at 5am, and we left at 6am. We got to the medical center on time at 7am and I went in (Wife was not allowed to accompany me, but had to be there to drive me home; there was a separate room across the street for visitors to wait in, which was good because it was suddenly very cold outside). Initially, there was a lot of waiting, during which I did a little bit of yoga and dancing as I knew I would not be able to move much for the rest of the day. I was there for a diagnostic procedure involving a needle (for data privacy reasons I won’t get more specific here; it’s unrelated to the procedure I’m having in 2 weeks), which required me to remain horizontal for 4 hours afterwards, at least according to the information they’d given me beforehand. I had to be fasting from midnight the night before: no food or drink, including water.

Eventually I was wheeled down to the ultrasound department, where the doctor who planned to do the procedure met me and the radiologists. However, when they looked at the images, there were a lot of vessels around. The doctor did not feel confident that she could do the procedure based on a mark on my skin without accidentally hitting a blood vessel. So she asked the radiologists to do it as an ultrasound-guided procedure, which would be safer since they would be able to see what they were doing on the ultrasound. This procedure was done with only local anaesthetic. Mostly I couldn’t feel what was going on, and it was supposed to be very quick, but unfortunately, the resident had a lot of trouble--the senior radiologist was trying to guide him through doing, but he couldn’t get the needle positioned quite right, and in the end the senior radiologist had to do it herself. It was pretty uncomfortable and there were some moments where it was quite painful. I tried to breathe deeply and stay relaxed, but it was hard. When they finally got it to work, it was over pretty quickly. I was relieved. It was about 11am by then.

However, I had to spend an hour in a large recovery room with many other patients, while my blood pressure and pulse were monitored. I had expected to have the procedure done upstairs in the room where I’d started, where I had left all my stuff. They very kindly sent someone up to retrieve my phone for me so I could at least text Wife and my parents so they would know the worst of it was over. 

After an hour I was wheeled upstairs and transferred from the gurney to a bed (this took 3 people as I was not allowed to stand up yet) for more monitoring. They drew my blood to test my blood counts; I was going to be allowed to leave after only 2 hours of bed rest if the counts were stable. After the 2 hours, I was allowed to get up and use the bathroom (and grab the crossword puzzles from my backpack to work on), and then I continued resting while waiting first for the blood counts, which finally came back fine, and then for the discharge papers, which took an unreasonably long time. Around 2pm the nurse finally allowed me to have some ice--hoorah! (I was parched. I normally drink at least 2 liters of water per day.) At 2:40pm I was cleared to leave; I texted Wife, who went to get the car and picked me up at the entrance to the hospital at about 3pm. 

Literally every single person on the hospital staff was kind and friendly. They all introduced themselves to me by name, including the people whose job it was to simply wheel me from one place to another, and they all seemed to be invested in my well-being. When I was being wheeled through the hallway, whenever we passed anyone else who worked there they smiled and said hello both to me and to the person in charge of transporting me. It seemed like everyone working really considered themselves a team, with respect for everyone regardless of place in the hospital hierarchy. Since, like all patients during this pandemic, I was there alone and a bit anxious, it made the experience much less unpleasant than it could have been.  

I spent 8 hours in the hospital, so I really hope I didn’t catch COVID-19, but the procedures seemed pretty good. I was wearing a mask almost all the time (except in the room where I was waiting at the beginning and end, which was essentially private), as were all the employees, and everyone was sanitising their hands every time they entered or exited a room or touched any equipment. I also didn’t spend the whole time with any one person. So, hopefully it was safe. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon vedging out at home, rehydrating, and finally eating, and I went to bed earlier than usual though later than I expected, around 12:15am.

Day 82. I wanted to try to get a lot of sleep so my body could heal from yesterday’s ordeal, so today I slept till about 10am. The wound from the procedure is tender to the touch and there’s a small bruise near it, but otherwise I’m not in pain from it. Except my ankle is in more pain than it’s been in for ages, and I have no idea why. Maybe I slept on it funny? Or maybe it’s an aftereffect of the weird position I had to hold during the procedure.

I think my joy at getting to eat cereal this morning was perhaps a bit over-the-top!

Wife had a bad headache today, likely caused by neck tension from all the driving yesterday. I am still pretty tired today, despite all the sleep, but I suppose that’s to be expected.

We went to the farmers’ market and stumbled upon a socially-distanced, family-friendly protest. A friend of mine was there with her kids, but I didn’t see her. We bought our produce--though I had to make an extra trip back to the car to drop off my purchases, as I am not supposed to lift anything heavy today. The stand with the curried fish had run out, but they still had some uncooked prepped fish, so we bought that and they explained how to steam it at home. We came home and cooked the fish and ate it for lunch; it was just as good as it would’ve been if they’d cooked it. Phew! Other than that we’ve been relaxing at home, though Wife did gather her energy and go for a run, which has helped to relieve her headache a little (as has the bath she took afterwards, and the painkillers she took). 

I’m hoping to feel up to taking a dance class (online) tomorrow. 

[glitterslag]

Paris, Mon Amour - A Booty Call spinoff/Part 3

Back by popular demand. And because Paris Ben needed his own blurb. 

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: language, some smut, lil bit of angst and a rogue dick-pic

Summary: You’re trying not to miss Ben, but it’s hard when there are pictures of him everywhere you look. Even your house-mate can’t shut up about him. 

A/N: This was originally a spin-off blurb set in the Booty Call AU, but can either be read as a standalone or as a Part 3 of the main fic. LOTS of people have requested this over the weeks (super sorry it’s taken me so long to finally finish) so I’d love it if just as many people RB and comment! Enjoy x

P.S. my tag lists are a holy show at the moment so if you were/weren’t tagged and you did/didn’t want to be - SORRY!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Have you seen those pictures of Ben at the Oscars?”

You were kneeling on the kitchen tiles, up to your elbows in the bottom freezer drawer, hunting for a tub of ice cream. Jen’s voice floated down the hallway from where she stood at her bedroom mirror, taking off the last of her makeup.

Jen was one of those people who always kept her bedroom door open.

“The ones with Joe and Gwil?” You called back, smiling faintly.

You had post notifications on for all of your friends, Joe and Gwilym included. You had, of course, seen their instagram stories from the Oscars.

“No, no. The ones with the girl.” Jen said as she wandered through into the kitchen, towel on her head and her body wrapped in her fluffy purple dressing gown.

“Lucy?” You wondered, spoon in your mouth as you used both hands to rummage for the tub of mint choc chip.

“No, the beautiful blonde, the skinny one.”

“Lucy’s the blonde.”

You were starting to get a bit irritable now, fingers stinging with the cold of the freezer. Where was the bloody ice cream?

“No, not Lucy, another one - gorgeous. A model maybe?”

“I think you mean his stylist.” You said bluntly.  “Iliara?”

“Noo no, not his stylist, the stunning blonde-“

“I GET IT SHE’S BEAUTIFUL!” You yelled, slamming the freezer door shut with a heavy thud.

Jen faked hurt.

“Well there’s no need to get so snappy with me. I was just saying.”

You honestly hated her, sometimes.

In truth, you did wonder about what Ben was getting up to every night at these glamorous parties, even though you knew you had absolutely no right to. You couldn’t help it. He wasn’t your boyfriend – far from it - you had only slept together a handful of times by now. And Jen knew that. You tried hard to just to be happy for Ben, and not think too much about him rubbing shoulders with all these beautiful women. But it wasn’t easy when she seemed to have this perfect knack for rubbing things in.

All the boys had said that they wished you could come tonight, but unfortunately not. Apart from Rami, they were only seated in the viewing gallery themselves, and none of them got to bring a plus one. Only having been an apprentice, there was no chance someone with your position would get invited to the ceremony.

You got texts and snapchats from the boys though, all night, making less and less sense as they steadily get drunker and you found yourself staying up way past bedtime to open their messages, despite having a lecture at 9am.

“Wish you were here to help me tie my tie. Keeps coming undone :/”  read a particularly sweet one you received from Ben at about one in the morning, and it somehow calmed all of the fears you’d had before.

~~~

“Have you seen those pictures of Ben in Paris?” Came Jen’s disembodied voice almost the second you walked through the door, and you nearly jumped out of your skin.

“What are you, stalking him?” You said bitterly, ripping off your bike helmet and flinging it down onto the sofa.

Jen eyed you from the kitchen counter knowingly.

“Long day, was it?”

You shed your coat, scarf, gloves, hat, shoes, each one coming to join your helmet with more velocity than the last.

“Mm.” You muttered under your breath, stalking over with your arms folded to flick the kettle on. “Remind me again why I started back at this fucking uni..?”

~~~

You had seen the pictures.

Ben had flown to Paris for fashion week that morning, and by the time you sat down to have lunch at uni he was all over your Instagram feed looking like he’d barely slept. There were pictures of him with models. Sat on the front row of some Yves Saint Laurent show sandwiched in between them. The butterflies in your belly had started up again.

You hated yourself for being like this. Insecure was so not attractive. And you were never like that with boys. It’s just that other boys usually weren’t Ben fucking Hardy.

He didn’t look very happy. He hadn’t shaved, and there were dark circles under his eyes. You couldn’t help but feel a twang of concern. You wrestled with yourself for an hour or so before shooting him a little text, enquiring after his wellbeing.

He didn’t get back to you until midnight.

“Just got back to my hotel room. Exhausted.”

“No offence, but you look it.”

Ben had gone straight from the Oscars afterparty to the airport for a twelve hour flight to Paris. You were doing a presentation on colour theory for your Contemporary Cinema seminar when his text had come pinging through into the top corner of your MacBook, hooked up to the projector for your whole class of 30 to see.

Ben Hardy: Still pissed on the plane. Help me

They’d all giggled as you scrambled to switch off iMessage, struggling to regain composure and continue with your presentation, worth 50% of your grade for the whole module. It was a good job Ben had such a common name, as you had to laugh and brush it off when some kid in the back joked that you were “chirpsing the real Peter Beale”.

You recounted the tale to Ben now, hoping to give him a laugh, and indeed, the screen lit up your dark bedroom with a little line of laughter emojis only a minute later. You grinned, warmed. You might have been separated from him by the English channel, but compared to Los Angeles? You could kid yourself he was only next door.

You wanted badly to tell him you missed him, but you’d only just started admitting it to yourself.

“Sorry we keep missing each other.” He wrote, referring to the conflicting schedules you’d had over past few weeks, as well as the time zone issue. “It’s just been a mad one.”

That’s ok! I get it :)

You reply. And then:

You should sleep.

You worked out it would be past 1am there. He had to have been absolutely worn out.

Can’t.

Why’s that?

Kinda got a problem..

You waited for him to elaborate, sitting up and switching on your bedroom light.

You’re not in public are you?

Why??

You were curious now, closing all your other apps to focus solely on the conversation. Surely he knew that at midnight on a Monday you’d be home.

Just answer You at home?

I’m in bed

Even better ;)

You felt a flutter in the pit of your stomach. What was he up to?

Ben, what is it?

I wanna send you something

And then it dawned on you. He couldn’t sleep. Had a problem. Needed you to be alone.

Oh.

Only if that’s ok?? He replied, seconds later.

Yes

You put the phone down on your pillow, chewing on your nails as you waited for him to send it. There was no reason to be nervous. You’d seen his cock in person. Touched it. It just felt like a big deal somehow, having it on your phone. Risky.

He was lying in bed too. White hotel sheets, single bed against one wall, a mirror image of your cramped little student room. 

The picture was nice.

I mean, of course it was – it was his, but even for him. He was naked, from the looks of it, lying on his back grasping himself in his fist, bright pink and hard against his belly. He looked gorgeous. You could barely close the picture long enough to tell him so.

You didn’t full-on sext. He was far too tired - and you far too shy - for that. But you did send him a picture of yourself, face cut off from the lips upward, of course. It was nothing too crazy. Just you lying in bed in your low-cut pyjama vest and French knickers (“Fitting ;)”).

After a few more messages back and forth your cheeks were stinging with heat, nipples hard through your pyjama top and a pool forming between your thighs.

He sent you a picture of his come, pearlescent white against his velveteen stomach in the camera flash. You felt your heart beating in your mouth and your fingers and your clitoris as you looked at it, wondering how that, something you’d never, ever imagined yourself wanting to receive from anyone, could be so beautiful to you.

You found yourself longing for his taste. To lick every last drop from the silky skin of his tummy.

Christ. You thought. What had gotten into you?

“What a waste” you typed.

~~~

The next morning you strolled into the kitchen with a spring in your step , and were pouring cereal into a bowl when Jen piped up from the kitchen table.

“Did you see those pictures of Ben?” She asked predictably, and you bit back a smirk. “The ones with the models? He’s at the Yves Saint Laurent show.”

As if you wouldn’t have known where he was.

She was on the gossip page of one of those glossy magazines, OK! or Grazia - that sort of thing. As she brushed toast crumbs away to pour over the celebrity news you caught a glimpsed of a harassed-looking Ben, walking down the street with his hood up.

“He’s at fashion week.” She added.

“Oh, I spoke to him last night, actually.” You said, attempting to sound offhand.

“Really?” Jen replied airily. “What’d you talk about?”

“He was just saying how tired he was. Couldn’t wait to get back to London.”

“He was probably saying it to make you feel better.”

She didn’t look up from the magazine as she bit into her toast. Still, you could tell she was put out.

~~~

Ben arrived back that night and invited himself over. Couldn’t be bothered to deal with the mess at his, he said. He could unpack tomorrow. Besides, Frankie was with his ex for the whole week anyway, so there was nothing for him to be back for. He said he’d dump his suitcase at home and then come straight round, but you didn’t realise how literally he’d meant that.

He looked bone-weary. Hair a mess, he wasn’t shaved or showered, still in his clothes from the flight and you thought privately that you might prefer this version of him the best. His nose and fingers and toes were cold from the outside, and you squealed in his grasp, trying to squirm away but he wouldn’t let you, nuzzling his icy nose into you on purpose, seeking your warmth. You got straight into bed even though it had only just gone 8 by the time he rocked up, and his lips were pressed against yours right away.

For once, there was absolutely no lust there. He didn’t try to roll on top of you, hands staying on your middle, rubbing up and down your sides gently instead of trying to wander downwards. Just kissing for the sake of kissing. It made your heart speed up to think it. You still couldn’t quite believe he was here.  He’d never been round to your flat before.

You made out for what could’ve been ten minutes or an hour, before coming to a slow, mutual stop.

“ ‘M’too tired to do anything,” He said, voice thick with sleep as he pushed his face into your neck to smell you. “Jus’ wanna nap for a million years.”

“M’Kay.” You said, muffled against his soft green jumper. He smelled of the outside.

~~~

You woke up not knowing what century it was,  and you assumed he’d feel the same. 

It was about 7am, and you were positively toasty. The heating had kicked in overnight and you’d fallen asleep in leggings and fluffy bed socks. At some point, Ben had taken his top off and you’d eagerly taken it and put it on, keen for his body warmth that still clung to it. 

You peeled yourself off him, feeling sweat sticking down your back from where his bare chest had been pressed against it all night. He was like a space heater at the best of times. You slipped your socks off your sweaty feet and kicked them far down the bed, losing them in the sea of duvet.

You wriggled around in his arms so you could bury into his chest and he wrapped them back around you again, even in sleep. You lay there for a while in the pitch black, playing at being a little mouse snuggled up in the burrow, lying side by side with its den mate in the dark earth. Only the smell and feel and taste of each other to rely on.

You almost didn’t want to wake him up. To prolong the pretence that he was your live-in boyfriend for just a little longer. That he didn’t have to leave in an hour or two and that then you wouldn’t see him again for god knows how long.

You realised you only disliked dark mornings when you were sleeping alone.

  ~~~

“Have you seen those pictures of Ben at the airport?” Jen asked as the two of you trailed into the kitchen.

Ben stepped out from behind you awkwardly, and her ears turned pink with embarrassment. She slapped her hand over her mouth. You realised this was her first time meeting him in person.

“Coffee?” She managed to squeak after collecting herself again, and everyone laughed.

“It’s a good job you’re back.” She said to Ben not long later, handing him the mug of black coffee which he grabbed gratefully. “She’s been in a mood all week!”

“I have not Jen!” You protested, mortified.

Ben just grinned and slung an arm around you, biting into his toast.

“I’ll keep her in check.”

He winked at you and you nearly died off.

You watched him across the kitchen table over breakfast, thumming at your shirt collar. You brushed your fingers over your sore collar-bone absentmindedly, poking at the skin there testingly, bruised from where he’d sucked and bitten it. There was a sort of soft shyness to the way Ben was looking at you; private, stolen glances over steaming coffee cups, Jen yammering on in the background, oblivious to the fullness of the atmosphere.

You’d never liked it in the morning as much as you did with Ben. Only an hour ago, you’d been giving him a sloppy blowjob under the covers, enjoying the perfect stillness of 7am while he ran his hands through your hair and sighed. Eventually, once he was a bit more awake, he’d hauled you up and then rolled on top, pinning your hands to the bed as he settled his warm, welcome weight on top of you.

You’d not been quite ready for him yet, legs slung over his hips and hooked under his bum as he wiggled into you, and the stretch felt so incredible it had been an effort to keep quiet, conscious of Jen asleep in the next room. His thrusts were slow, fingers laced through yours, holding you down as you kissed sloppily.

Then he’d let go of one of your hands to bring a thumb down in between your legs, fingers gripping at your hip gently as he brushed over your clit, feather-light. He slowly built you to a shivering, long drawn out orgasm, clenching on him violently as he trembled with the effort of staying quiet.

Eyes squeezed shut, pink lips parted, he approached his high, and you took him by the back of the head gently to place a long, soft kiss to his cheek to soothe him. He pushed into it, panting, little noises of appreciation escaping the back of his throat while he came.

~~~

“I’ll have to leave”.

You snapped him out of his reverie and he blinked at you, blushing. You didn’t have to be an expert to tell what he’d been thinking about. 

“Lecture?” Ben wondered, and you shook your head.

“Nah, work.”

You told Ben he was free to stay and have breakfast after you left for your part time job at a cafe. However, it appeared that the idea of him and Jen being left alone together terrified him as much as it did you and he opted to walk out with you after you finished your coffee. You walked your bike with him to where he’d parked his car.

“I could give you a lift?”

“Nah,” you said casually, fastening your helmet under your chin. “traffic’ll be bad”

He nodded his head. Neither of you moved to leave, and he looked like he was about to say something until both your heads jerked around at the sound of a group of school kids shouting from across the road.

“Oi, weren’t you in Eastenders?!”

One of them came running across the road to where the two of you were stood, face to face in front of his car boot. The rest of them followed nervously. The two of you sighed and smiled.

“I’ll be late.” You said, mounting your bike. He shot you a pleading, apologetic look but you just grinned at him from over your shoulder.  “I’ll have to go.”

You waved him off as the gaggle descended on him, cycling away before they could get too good of a look at you. You glanced back every now and then at his retreating form, trying his best to be polite as they each asked him for an autograph and a picture.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @thegreekdreamersworld @youcapturedmyheartben @inlovewithbenhardy@summer–infinity @hmmmm-nope @hanginwithmanerds @shhhs3cret @redspecialty @falling-stars-never-cry @deathbyinternets @anita-e-taylor @hales-a-bells @not-your-housekeeper @wanderingxsherlockian @benstolemyhearty @scarsout @hardzzellos @bloominess @wonderless-screwup @abigfatmess @d-r-e-a-m-catchme @borhap-baby @the-claire-bitch-project @lukeofmine @sadfathoe427 @amidst-wonderland @glitterdreamsz @haywood-ya-not @hystericalqueenstan @totallynerdstuff @mustbeaweasleyginger @sweetheartben

[anxiouslymalicious]

Until you see the truth.

Summary: A continuation of Until the time is right in which the reader takes care of Frankie and ends up with a rather unexpected guest.

Word Count: 3,584

Warnings: None. Literally none. Except maybe bad writing.

A/N: What is up, my dudes? I actually didn’t want to end like this, but I felt like it was getting too long and boring so I decieded against it. Anyway, I hope that I’ll be able to post the next chapter soon, but it’s currently almost 1am and I’m getting kinda tired. Anyway, I hope you like it! Oh and a huge thank you goes out to @lakef for helping me out!

Tags:  @mamaskillerqueen @yourealegendroger @lakef @mcrmarvelloki @oh-well1 @sam-mercurry-sixx @queen-turtle-boiii If you want to be tagged, message me please! And I’m truly sorry if I forget to tag you, but things get kinda messy on tumblr at times. 

It had been a few days since you found out that you were pregnant. The thought of it had started to settle in, although you still did not feel like any of it was real. You had tried to come up with a plan of how to tell Ben that he would be a dad but were discouraged every time. Whether it was by him telling you how happy he was with his life right now, him going out with his friends and having drinks or him telling you about this new role he had gotten. Meaning, he would be gone for quite some time again. Meaning, you only had about three more weeks to tell him and figure out what to do with him.

You felt pressured. Your anxiety had been gnawing at you for days anyway, making you consider so many different scenarios of how Ben would react once you told him you were pregnant. From him being ecstatic to him telling you that he never wanted to hear from you or the baby again, your mind was making you go crazy. All the time, you tried to tell yourself that you were being irrational, but Ben had fucked up your relationship before.

‘You know him’, you told yourself. ‘He loves children. You’re just being irrational. The worst he could do is tell you that he is not ready to be a father.’

You pushed your hair out of your face as you walked through the streets of London towards the building in which Ben lived. He had asked you to come by and maybe stay with Frankie for the weekend, as for why, you didn’t know. But as you were desperate to see Ben again and maybe catch a calm minute to talk to him about your predicament, so you gladly accepted.  

As soon as you rang the bell, Ben had buzzed you inside and once you made your way upstairs, you found Ben eagerly waiting for you by the door. But not only Ben was eagerly waiting for you.

Frankie ran passed her human, straight towards you. You giggled and kneeled to her level and gladly accepted her affection as she jumped at you and tried licking your face. Gently, you pushed her away from your face and she started curiously sniffing you, like you smelled differently. Then, she took a step back and eyed you carefully.

“What’s up, Frankie? Everything alright?”, you asked her.

“Did you use a different body lotion or something?”, Ben asked, confused at his dog’s behaviour. She had never acted strangely towards you, she had quite literally been affectionate with you since the very beginning.

“I think I did.”, you said and shrugged, then got up and greeted Ben with a hug.

“So why did you need me to come over? I mean besides to take care of my beloved Frankie, of course.”, you asked as you sat down on the couch with Ben, Frankie, however, sat down a little further away than usually, her head tilted lightly as if she was wary of you.

“A mate of mine’s in a bit of trouble and needs help. Nothing too serious, but he needs someone to support him emotionally. I told him I would be there, but I really don’t want to drive with Frankie for so long. You know how she gets on car rides. And- “

“Alright, Ben, calm down. It’s alright, I was just being curious.”, you interrupted his rambles which almost sounded panicked. You placed your hand on his knee and moved your thumb over it slowly. He placed his own hand above yours, squeezing it gently. Your eyes met his and you felt your heartbeat speed up. That’s when you decided that enough was enough. You needed to tell him, or you would explode.

And just as you opened your mouth to drop the bomb, Frankie ran off and you heard the sound of something being broken echoed through the flat.

“What the fuck, Frankie?”, you sighed, rubbing your hands over your face as Ben went after Frankie to see what amount of damage she had done. According to the incoherent curses from Ben, she must have broken a vase in the hallway.

“I think I’m gonna get going now. If you want, there are still leftovers from what I had for dinner yesterday or you can just order something. It’s on me, you still got my passwords, right?”, he told you and you involuntarily giggled. You did, for a fact, and Helen had tried her hardest to make you use them for food orders. It felt wrong, though, and so you decided not to.

“Yeah, thanks. But I can pay for my own food.”, you replied.

“I know you can. Doesn’t mean you have to. Anyway. Thanks again for doing this, I really appreciate it. Use whatever you want, I hope you still know your way around here.”, Ben’s smile was small with the thought of what had happened earlier that year.

“No need to thank me. It’s my pleasure staying here with my love. And yeah, I think I do.”, you told him and got up to hug him again. This time, a little longer. Your arms wrapped around his waist, your face snuggling into his chest. Ben’s arms wrapped around you, his hands slowly moving up and down your back.

“Everything alright?”, he whispered.

“Yeah. Just promise you’ll get home safely. I need you here.”, you told him and once more felt tears well up in your eyes. It wasn’t exactly uncommon for you to cry these days. Not only because of your whole predicament, but mostly because your hormones were going batshit crazy. Once, you cried over accidentally killing a spider by stepping onto it in a moment of shock.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”, Ben asked once more, his hands rubbing soothing circles onto your back, his gaze sceptical.

“Yeah. Let’s talk about this later, your mate needs you.”, you told him with a kiss to his cheek. Ben still eyed you warily, but nodded, grabbing his bag and shoes.

“Okay. Y/N, I promise you, I will make it back home.”, Ben told you honestly, and you felt some kind of ease on your heart. Like a heavy stone had been lifted from your chest. He wasn’t making fun of you, not in any way and you appreciated that. Ben kissed your head before he walked to the door.

“Oh, and Roger might come by tomorrow. I forgot something at his a few days ago and he told me that he would bring it around during the weekend.”, Ben added before leaving. You nodded and watched him go.

A sigh escaped your lips as you turned around to face the flat. You felt like a foreigner in a place you once called your home. Like you didn’t really belong anymore even though you once did.

Frankie watched you with those huge eyes of hers as you wandered through the flat. Your mind felt restless, yet you felt at peace. It was strange.

At some point, you laid down on the couch, watching a random Netflix show as your hand rubbed over your belly. Someone was growing in there. It was still a strange thought and you were still not showing, but you had somewhat built a connection with the little being in there.

Little footsteps sounded through the flat. Frankie eagerly came closer to you again, sniffing at your hand once more, almost like you were a stranger to her. You were confused at her actions, nonetheless you gave her the time she needed to get used to you again. Google would surely give you some answers later, so you shrugged it off and instead focused on gaining your favourite dog’s trust again. It didn’t take her long, though, to jump on the couch next to you and crawl onto your legs, lying down on your thighs with her head and paws gently resting on your stomach. You watched her in awe, tears shooting back into your eyes. You tried to hold them back but failed miserably.

And so, you were wailing on the couch with Frankie trying to calm you by nuzzling her head into your stomach as a Black Mirror episode was playing. A Friday evening almost exactly how you wanted them to be. Only Ben was not there to cuddle with you.

The constant crying tired you out. So much that you kept drifting in and out of sleep and settled on heating up Ben’s leftovers for dinner, this time, settling for something easier to watch. Something that was guaranteed to make you laugh. Ben made you laugh, meaning that the only logical conclusion was to watch Bohemian Rhapsody. Watching four of your closest friends harmonise like that on screen warmed your heart. It made you proud. And if you were to drift off again, there was nothing better to lull you to sleep than Queen songs.

You actually drifted off into a merciless slumber full of nightmares and when you woke up, Frankie was gently licking your face as she whimpered, trying to pull you out of your own dream. With your hand, you wiped her saliva off your cheek before you pushed your legs over the edge of the couch and stretched. Frankie jumped off, nervously plodding and dancing around in front of you, signalling you that she needed to go out for a walk.

A little smile crept onto your face.

“Hold on for one more second, will ya? I need to put on a sweatshirt before we can leave. I imagine it’s not too warm outside and we don’t want for anything to happen to your little sibling, right?”, you asked Frankie as you made your way to the bedroom- Ben’s bedroom- to steal one of his sweatshirts and threw it on. It was comfortably huge on you and with that, you grabbed your wallet and phone, stuffed them into the pocket, and got Frankie and yourself ready to go, then left.

You walked a route you usually took when Ben wasn’t taking her on a walk. Everything still felt so familiar, like you had never stopped walking Frankie, walking through the still quite brightly illuminated streets. Street lights and the different lights of the many shop windows you passed kept the streets casted a warm light over the cold street, making you feel safe. And all that despite the lack of people walking through the streets. Most people spent their Friday nights near the pubs and clubs rather than the antiquaries and book stores you passed. It was crazy how a place that was usually so full of life could suddenly be so quiet and deserted.

Once you returned to the flat, both you and Frankie were exhausted and too tired to do too much. So, you put your empty plate into the kitchen sink, stole one of Ben’s shirts to sleep in and curled up under the covers, along with little Frankie.

The bed smelled like him. It was soothing. You couldn’t help but smile, thinking about how you might be able to sleep in this bed on a daily again soon. The feeling was perfect, the only thing missing was Ben, your personal heater. But Frankie tried her best to replace him, curling up at your stomach, almost like she was trying to protect the unborn baby from the world. Once more, a few stray tears made their way down your cheeks, but you quickly wiped them away before you snuggled into the pillow, pulled the blanket up to your chin and drifted off into a much more peaceful dream.

You woke up with the urgent need to pee. It was ridiculously urgent. A groan escaped your lips as you made your way to the bathroom, freshening yourself up once you were there. As you knew Frankie, you knew that she felt the same need as you did, and so you quickly brushed your teeth, washed your face with a bit of cold water and threw your hair up into a ponytail, then got dressed in sweats and a sweatshirt once more, property of Ben. You couldn’t help it, though. They smelled like him and made you feel comfortably small. Once you were all set, you once more walked Frankie through the city, this time on a slightly different route to pick up something for breakfast at a bakery.

And as you stood there, a hazelnut croissant caught your eye and you felt your mouth start to water. Just like your eyes. You remembered how Ben bought you one shortly before your relationship failed. The day he tried to make you feel better about yourself. And you did. You truly did.

After you paid for your breakfast, you hurried back home, the tears aggressively made their way down your cheek as your mind forced you to think about Ben’s words that day once more. Reliving his actions.

It was no wonder that you ignored Ben’s call and instead told yourself that you would answer to his text with a lame reply about how you binge watched a show last night, stayed up too long and slept well into the afternoon today.

One thing you completely forgot about, was that someone was meant to come over. And not just a friend of Ben’s who you had met several times before, but Roger fucking Taylor.

Let’s just say it was an unpleasant surprise when you opened the door in Ben’s sweater and sweats, your hair dishevelled and tear streaks all over your cheeks, only to be met with Roger Taylor looking as gorgeous as ever. You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment as Roger chuckled lightly.

“I take it you haven’t had a good night’s sleep?”, Roger asked with an amused grin on his lips. You just nodded as you felt a fresh wave of tears in your eyes. All of this crying was so unlike you and you felt disgusted, almost, but you couldn’t help it.

“Are you alright, sweetheart? Need someone to talk to?”, Roger asked. You hesitated, anxiously rubbing your hands together.

“It’s nothing, I guess. I’ll deal with it.”, you mumbled, not daring to look him in the eyes.

“You know, love, I hate to admit it, but I’m an old man. I’ve spent some time with people and I know that what you’re dealing with is not ‘nothing’. You don’t need to deal with it on your own. Ben’s still head over heels for you.”, he told you sincerely. You nodded once more, sighing deeply.

“That’s the thing though. I can’t tell him. Not right now at least.”, you said as you wrapped your arms around your stomach, trying to find some comfort. Roger looked at you, his eyes showing just how sorry he felt for you and how much he regretted that he wasn’t really able to help. Tears stung in your eyes as you watched his expression change from happy to concerned. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip, desperately trying to hold back the tears.

“Come here, sweetheart. Can I hug you?”, Roger asked, his voice soft and you nodded, leaning into him. It felt nice. Like a father’s hug. You just broke down further.

“Let’s get you inside, hm?”, Roger whispered as he led you back inside the flat, looking around Ben’s place to find a place to make you sit down comfortably. Noticing his distress, you nodded towards the living room and sat down on the couch, patting the cushion next to you, motioning for Roger to sit down. He did as he was asked. Meanwhile, Frankie sat down next to you again, resting her head in your lap.

As Roger sat down, he placed a bundle on the armrest of the couch.

“Ben’s sweatshirt. He forgot it at mine and told me that he needed it back as soon as possible. Don’t know why though.”, Roger replied to your silent question. A watery chuckle escaped your lips.

“Because it’s my favourite sweatshirt of his.”, you mumbled, playing with the hem of the sweatshirt you were currently wearing. Roger let out a hearty laugh.

“He’s always been a huge softie, hasn’t he?”, Roger asked.

“He was. Then he wasn’t. Now he’s getting back to being one.”, you replied quietly, quickly slapping your hands in front of your mouth to stop yourself from talking. You were well aware that talking like that about Ben in front of any of his friends was inappropriate. A hand on your shoulder made you look up, though.

“If you want to talk about it, I won’t stop you. I like Ben. He’s done quite a good job on Bohemian Rhapsody. I doubt that what happened between you two will change my mind. Not when I hear him talking about you like this. Always asking for advice, trying to do everything right, asking for ideas. Even that party was his idea. Told me he saw how you didn’t fully enjoy yourself at Gwil’s wedding and wanted to give you the opportunity to let lose. I didn’t tell you though.”, Roger looked at you with a playfully threatening look. A light giggle bubbled up from deep inside you as you wiped furiously at your tears.

“It’s just… I don’t know… Everything’s a little too much right now. I don’t know what to do. I mean I’ve got my friends’ opinions, but they are my age and all kind of… Have the same thought process I guess? But my parents, they are…” You took a deep breath. “They are not in the picture. Not anymore. They haven’t been since I started dating Ben. And it’s tough in times like these.”, you tried to explain. Your fingers trailed over Frankie’s soft fur, drawing random patterns to distract yourself.

“Times like these?” Roger’s confusion was obvious. You took a shaky breath.

“Roger, you can’t tell Ben. I want to do it myself eventually, but I’m pregnant.”, you whispered, anxiously awaiting his reaction. But instead of the dreaded negative reaction, Roger grinned from ear to ear.

“That’s fantastic, sweetheart! Why wouldn’t it be?”, Roger pulled you into his shoulder, giving you a tender hug. It was almost fatherly.

“Because we’re not even dating at the moment.”, you told him in a broken voice.

With that, you told Roger everything. From how Ben told you to leave, over how he fucked up, all the way to Gwil’s wedding and the situation you now found yourself in. It felt different than talking to Helen. Maybe because Roger wasn’t too biased. Obviously, he knew Ben a lot better than he knew you, but you felt like Roger was trying to stay neutral. He wasn’t there when any of it happened and both of you were aware that your perception of the events differed from Ben’s, so he wasn’t trying to be on your side only, but he wasn’t going to purely defend Ben’s actions either.

Roger told you that he did understand Ben for some part, being the centre of attention was hard, and especially when something as big as Bohemian Rhapsody happened to you, however he also told you that you had every right to keep your distance.

“If there is one thing I know for sure though, it’s that Ben won’t leave you alone with the child. But just in case, although it’s highly unlikely, I promise to help you.”, Roger told you truthfully. You were shocked.

“Absolutely not. Roger, you barely know me.”, you scolded Roger and stood up.

“You barely know me either and you didn’t hesitate to tell me half of your life story. Besides, it’s my money and I’m an adult. I can decide what I want to do with it.”, Roger mumbled the last part. You sighed, walking around the room. Frankie watched you, her ears perched up in curiosity, but also worry.

“We’ll talk about that one again if Ben tells you that he won’t support you. When did you plan on telling him anyway?”, Roger asked, now moving closer to Frankie to scratch behind her ears absentmindedly.

“Definitely before he leaves for filming.”, you explained, stopping in your tracks. But what would be after that?

“If you can’t tell him when he’s awake yet, why not practise while he’s sleeping? Or tell him after he had a glass of wine or two, that’ll loosen him up and you will have less to worry about.”, Roger suggested, and you nodded along.

“Better than any ideas Helen or I came up with.” you shrugged, considering his idea. Yeah, that didn’t sound so bad.

“And if you want me to, I’ll tell you more embarrassingly adorable things Ben said about you. He truly likes you, Y/N. And I will keep on telling you that it won’t end up too bad. Ben is absolutely in love with you. There is something about the way he talks about you, the things he says, how worried he gets. You know that I’m not a fan of Ben’s actions, but he regrets everything. And I’m sorry to say this, sweetheart, but I will keep on telling you all these things until you see the truth. That he’s not such a bad boy after all.”, Roger told you, sensing your uncertainty as he hugged you close once more. This time, it truly felt like a father’s hug.

And with that, a tense conversation was imminent.

[lilsherlockian1975]

This is just for me. I have to put it somewhere and, unfortunately, this is where it landed.

This week has been hell. Mom is basically gone, mentally, that is. Mornings used to be pretty good; evenings utter torment (when the sun goes down, the claws come out. Sundowners is no joke, folks. It's real and sleeping in my study) a few days ago (I can't even tell you what day at this point, I'm too sleep deprived to remember) she walked her happy ass out of her room without so much as a by your leave. Never said my name once. Mr Lil and I were still drinking coffee in the dining room, shooting the morning shit when, like a baby chick, she pushed open the pocket doors and stumbled out, completely convinced that it was the thing to do-that she HADN'T been in a wheelchair for the last 7 years. Fucking Miracle or have I been a fool to wheel her about like some grumpy (and way too old) candy striper all this time?

The next morning (omg! I'm just realizing that the "next morning" was yesterday...feels like 65 years or so), I'm on the pooper so Mr Lil goes to her room when she calls. He comes to the bathroom (yes, the magic is indeed gone but that might have happened when he had to wipe my arse after the birth of our first child) and says, "mom says I can't get her out of bed". Hmm...what fresh hell is this, I wonder. I go in there to find her *naked*, her diaper off, she, her bedding and bed soaked in piss. She has no explanation as to why she did a striptease in her room in the middle of the night. So, it's a bath, laundry and a scrub for her room, top to bottom.

I'm supposed to work bingo at P's school later that night and knowing how bad she's been lately, I had arranged for my sister to come sit with her. Sis couldn't come until 'after' she finished her Christmas shopping because (and I quote) "I know I'm being selfish, but I want it done so I don't have to leave my house Saturday. I'm just so tired," says the childless, woman who DOESN'T take care of our mother 24/7. But okay, beggars and choosers and all that. It's a 10 minute drive to the school, as I pull us, my phone rings. It's my oldest son in a full blown panic. "Can you ask Mamaw to stop screaming at me?" he asks, then gives me the lowdown. Apparently, there was an incident over her water. She unscrewed the lid to the cup (we use adult type sippy cups, so she doesn't spill them, but she saw P unscrew it and realized it could be done) and spilt it. H tried to take it from her to put the lid back on and she flipped, grabbing him bodily, saying, "I'm not a baby, I'm 83 years old and I'm in charge." She's not, obviously. When H & P are home with her, H - he's 15 going on 47 - is in charge. Hell, P, the 10 year old is more than capable of keeping an eye on her for short periods (me running to the store and whatnot, he's actually pretty responsible and always watches her closely). When I talk to Mom, she is screaming "I won't be told what to do! I won't be bossed around by a child!" This child is 6'7", mind you and refused to leave the room when I told him to just get away from her, to leave her to her own devices. He was too afraid she'd try to get up and hurt herself. I go into the school and talk to my team lead. She's so sweet, hugged me and made me cry, told me to go home and deal with my mom and babies. H was in tears when I got home. This won't mean anything to anyone else, but I have literally never seen my son so upset. We often laugh that he's soulless and incapable of crying. He also doesn't hug, almost refuses. He rushed me, throwing his arms around me and burying his face in my shoulder and sobbed. She had been screaming at him since before he phoned me, nonstop. Me? I'm used to this, it's my childhood in a nutshell, but my kids don't get screamed at. He had sent his little brother to his room, my smart boy! But STILL refused to leave the living room, incase she tried to get up by herself.

Thing is, after she slapped me in the face a good one and yelled at me for 2 minutes or so, she calmed right down. All she wanted was... me. She does this when I don't give her enough attention. She oscillated between apologizing over and over a dozen times and restarting the fight, or trying to, for the rest of the night.

My sister came over and took P for the night, offered to take H as well, but he refused to leave me alone with Mom. I pur her to bed at 8.30. I went to my room at 11 when Mr Lil got home from work. Fell asleep at 1am. She woke me at 2.

She'd gotten up...again. This time I found her in the middle of the living room floor with no idea why she'd gotten up. But I was so angry. I put her back in bed...again, gave her some melatonin and I'm sleeping on the sofa, just in case.

Now, why isn't she in care, you ask. Great question! I direct you to my eldest sister who pawned my parent's home to the state by putting Dad into a Medicaid long term facility before he died, swearing that nothing would come of it and if it did she would handle it. Well she didn't and when we started making inquiries, we found out that the money is still owed, a LOT of it, and until it is handled, no one will take Mom. We're selling the house now, but it's taking time.

My sister, who has helped me ONE TIME in 7 years, effed me and hard.

I don't have an "end date" and my nerves are gone. My kids are anxious and unhappy and their last memories of their grandmother will be very unpleasant. Also, I can't leave my home. I feel like a prisoner most of the time.

[welcometotheheartbreakhotel]

whenyoulovesomeone

Pairing: Ateez Mingi & Y/N

Genre: fluff, angst(?)

Word count: 2921

summary:

after a long night of staying up, waiting for your boyfriend to get home from yet another late practice, you take notice of just how tired and run down your boyfriend mingi looks and it breaks your heart knowing what little there is for you to do than to love him and stand by him. 

it wasn’t rare for mingi to be home late. it was quite the norm, really, but today was peculiar. he always made it home no later than 1am, and it was well past that right now. you knew the boys were preparing for a comeback and were probably working endlessly to master choreography. they were always persistent, a trait you greatly admired.

you knew that mingi wasn’t too keen on ou staying up so late waiting for him, but with each minute he wasn’t home, the more anxious you become, worry filling your mind. you plopped down on the sofa, turning the tv on to fill the silence of the empty room, flipping the channel to an old rerun of the notebook.

at around 3:15am, the familiar sound of keys jingling and the lock switching signaling the arrival of your boyfriend interrupted your lazy viewing of the movie. you watched as he tiredly nudged his sneakers off, his shoulders drooping in a mix of emotional and physical exhaustion. your lips formed a small pout as you heard him sigh loudly, having struggled to slip his left shoe off due to the tight laces.

“you made it home.” you mused, as you called out to him from your place on the sofa.

“you’re still awake.” he stated matter-of-factly, as he made his way to the living room.

mingi, without much warning, let himself fall face-down onto the sofa you were currently seated at, his head on the pillow on your lap.  your lips curled into a small smile, your hands reaching to comb their fingers through his soft, ebony hair. you felt him sigh against the pillow, his shoulders rising slightly, and he gently nuzzled your hands, signaling you to keep doing your previous minitrations. you obliged.

“long day, huh?”

‘mmhm.” he answered, his voice muffled. you idly combed through his hair with your fingers, hoping to bring some comfort to him. 

you leaned down to press a kiss to the back of his head. as soon as your lips touched his head, your nose caught the heavy smell of wintergreen, and your lingering eyes found what you could easily identify as pain relief tape peeking out from the collar of his shirt. he must be so sore and tired, you thought..

“you guys practiced a lot today.” you said.

“mmhm,” he hummed.

“your body must be hurting from how sore it is.”

you felt mingi shift his body around so that he could look at you. dark circles pooled at the bottom of his eyes. his eyelids appeared to weigh tons as they struggled to open whenever the closed. your heart ached at the sight before you. you wanted to support mingi in the pursuit of his dreams, but having to watch his body and health deteriorate whenever the group had a comeback made you heart hurt.

“im okay, though.” he smiled, tiredly. “it will pay off.”

“im sorry.” your voice was soft, you felt that if you spoke just a bit louder your voice would break and you'd cry from the heartache.

“why are you sorry?” his tired eyes widened, just a little, as they gazed up at you, trying to gauge your expression.

“because i can’t do anything to make you feel better.” you looked down at him, your hand gently caressing his cheek. you could feel tears at the brims of your eyes, but you didn’t dare let mingi see them fall. “the only thing i can do is just be here.”

“and that’s more than enough.” his hand took yours in his and pressed it against his lips. it was something so small, and yet that gesture brought some ease to your heart.

“let’s get you to bed, okay?”

taking his hand, you led mingi to your shared bedroom, but not before leading him into the attached bathroom to help him wash up. he pouted as you lathered facial cleanser on his face to remove any makeup he had on for the day.

“the water’s too cold~” he shivered, as you splashed a handful against his face to rinse the soap off.

“baby, its warm.”

“but it still feels cold.” he looked up at you with the most heart-wrenching pout and puppy dog eyes..

“im done, though.” you said, patting his face dry with a soft towel.

“hmmm….”

you applied some night cream on his face, taking your time to make sure his face was entirely covered and moisturized. every now and then, you noticed him nod off and you took advantage of one of those quick bursts of sleep to briefly walk out of the bathroom to retrieve some of his sweats and a clean tee from the drawers in your closet only to come back to find a very sleepy mingi pouting, as he looked longingly at you.

“you left.”

“i just went to get you clothes, baby.”

“but i was alone.”

“baby, i was literally gone for 10 seconds.”

“10 seconds is 10 hours in mingi time.” he said, matter-of-factly.

“im sorry,” you gently rustled his hair with one of your hands.” now, come on. let’s get you out of these clothes and into something more comfortable for you to sleep.”

you had to do most of the work, mingi being too tired to even open his eyes, you started by slipping the flannel off of his broad shoulders.

“arms up.” you told him, and like a child, he sleepily raised his arm above his head, allowing you to slip his t-shirt over his head. you nudged for him to stand up, to which he whined quietly.

mingi practically forced himself to stand, but just barely. his legs wobbled from how tired he was, and ultimately, you had to put his hands on your shoulders for him to stay upright. your fingertips lightly touched his tummy as you tried to undo the button of his jeans.

“babe, i’ll never say this ever again in my life… but i’m too tired to-”

“song mingi, i can’t let you sleep in jeans.”

“hm?” his tired eyes blinked at you, confused.

you chuckled. “‘i’m trying to take off your pants so i can change your clothes, not to get freaky.”

“why not?”

you rolled your eyes. he was always like this when he was tired. just a giant baby, even if it was abut something as unchildlike as having sex.

“you just said you were tired.”

“i can drink coffee if you want me to.”

“what i want is for you to rest.”

you managed to get him out of his jeans without much struggle. he took the sweats from the bathroom counter, and put them on, wobbling a bit. you got his t-shirt to help him put it on, but he took it from your hands, and again, much like a child, he put the shirt on arms first, getting his head somewhat caught in the neck hole. 

with a small smile, you helped him pull the shirt down, coming face to face with him, his cheeks flushed. you took his face in your hands and pressed a small kiss to his lips. you could feel him tense up a bit from bewilderment, but nonetheless, met your lips with equal pressure.

taking his hand again, you led him out of the bathroom. both of you took to your designated sides on the bed, mingi wasting no time to plop himself onto it, sprawling his long arms wide, motioning for you to come into his embrace, and you, almost too willingly, obliged.

being in mingi’s arms was a feeling like no other. it was one of your most favorite feelings in the world, your most favorite being was every time he told you he loved you. being in his arms made you feel so loved, without him having to say anything. so protected, without having to be in the face of danger. so warm, without being cold. 

“what are you thinking about right now?” he asked, his voice soft.

“my favorite place..”

“oh? and where’s that?”

“right here,” you said, wrapping our arms around him tightly, looking up at him with a smile.

“that’s so cheesy.”

“and what about it?” you rose an eyebrow. “if im cheesy, you’re wine-y.”

you looked up to steal a glance at him, only to catch him cracking a smile as he tried to hold back laughter. a small bubble of a giggle emerged from his lips, and the sound brought you to laugh along with him. his laughter was small compared to his usual booming thunder, but it was still enough for his eyes to turn into the crescent ,moons you loved so much. 

it was moments like these, where you’d catch him being so innocently happy that made your heart twinge in absolute happiness. he was so beautiful when he smiled, and he had no idea just how breathtaking he was. you were so in awe of his beauty, you hadn’t realized you’d gone silent.. 

mingi looked down at you, curiosity in his eyes, and for a moment, that’s all there was. just the two of you, silently staring at each other, with the faint traces of smiles on your faces.

“why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, quietly.

“”you’re so pretty.”

“no~ really.” he rolled his eyes.

“i’m serious.” you lightly caressed his face with your hand. “you’re the prettiest when you smile.”

a soft blush tinted his cheeks and he looked away for a moment to try and gain some composure.

“that’s my line.”

“it’s mine now.” you smiled. you hesitated a bit before continuing. “i want you to always smile and be happy. every time i see you so tired and sad, it makes me want to take you far away so that i can make you happy and keep your smile.”

“babe…”

“i know, i know.” you sighed. “you’re already doing what you love and what makes you happy. i just wish that it wouldn’t get tough for you and that the company wasn’t so hard on you guys about constantly having to work and practice. you already work so hard. i wish they could see what i see. how tired you are when you get home. how swollen your feet get from all the dancing. remember when we had to cut your shoes off because of how swollen your feet were? or how you had to go to a physical therapist because of how stiff your back muscles had gotten from all the knots caused by stress? seeing you silently suffer like that made me so sad. all i want is to take that all away. there are times when i wish for it to be me going through your pain, so you won’t have to.” you looked up at him again, but his eyes were focused on the wall across the room. you could tell that they were glassy and beginning to tear up.” oh no… baby, no. i didn’t mean for you to cry.”

“i’m not.” he lied, rubbing at his eyes. “i just… i didn't know you felt like this.”

“it’s all i can think of sometimes. especially when i wake up and i see you’ve gone to practice early, or like tonight and you come home so late. you don’t see yourself, but you’re all i see, so believe me when i say that it kills me to see you tearing yourself apart to give your best.”

he stayed quiet for a moment, thinking about what to say. ”i want to show the world that i can do it. that i can be great. that i can be everything that they said i couldn’t be. i honestly don’t care about what i have to do or what it takes. i can forget how hard it is for me, or how much i’m hurting as long as i have you by my side. just the thought of you is enough to get me through the day. i want to be able to provide for you and make you proud of being by my side. i want… i want to be the man that has the privilege to love you, that deserves to be with you, because babe, i honestly don’t deserve you.”

“do you really think that?” your eyebrows knit together. you’d always had it backwards. it was you who didn’t deserve someone as amazing as mingi.

“mhm.” he nodded, wiping a stray tear from his cheek.

“baby, no,” you tsked, “you are so great. so much greater than you even think you are. this world isn’t even ready to see just how great you are and can be. if anyone doesn’t deserve anyone, it’s me.” you sighed. “ you’ve got so much going for you. you’ve got your rapping, your dancing, you can even sing, for fucks sake! you’re handsome to top it all off, and it’s kind of unfair just how much of a full package you are.”

“stop~”

“no, but i’m serious. you’re everything i could ever want and beyond.” you gathered his face in your hands, making him look at you. “don’t you know how amazing you are?”

his eyes were wide like a child, so innocent and beautiful. he shook his head no, and the image made your heart swell. you pressed a kiss to his lips once more, the second of the night. it was the smallest of gestures, but you wanted to show him how much you loved and cared for him. you wanted to show him that as chaotic as the world might be, you’d be there to shelter him from it all. to protect him and bring him peace. you wanted to make his world easier to live in, so that he wouldn’t have to struggle anymore.

you felt him hesitate before he returned your kiss, the pressure he provided being needy, but not in a lustful way. no. in a need that wanted you closer. closer than the contact of skin on skin could provide. you felt one of his hands reach up to touch your face, the other that had been resting around your shoulders pulled you in closer.

“always be with me, hm?” he asked. “can you promise me that no matter what happens, no matter how early i leave or how long i stay out to practice, or how often i might miss important days, or how tired i might be to give you the attention you deserve, that you’ll always be there for me to come home to?”

“mingi…”

“will you be my home, y/n?” he waited eagerly for your answer. “please?”

“baby, of course you know i’ll always be. you’re mine.” you knew just how big mingi’s heart was, but it always leaves you in awe just how tender and soft-hearted he really was. he was someone filled with so much, so ready to give it to the world. you touched his face, gently rubbing your thumb under his eyes, hovering the dark circles that pooled beneath. “baby?”

“mhm?” 

“will you promise me to rest more? if you don’t, you’re going to end up getting sick, or worse.” you felt him stiffen, about to protest, but you quickly cut him off. “this is all i ask. i need you to be healthy, and here for me to stay and wait for you. as long as you do that, and take care of yourself properly, i will always be here to welcome you with open arms and take care of you if you need me to.”

“hmm…” he thought for a moment, before he stuck out his pinky finger. “deal.”

you giggled at his childlikeness, and curled your pinky finger with his. “deal.” together, you both kissed your thumbs, sealing the promise. “ come on. let’s see if we can get  you to sleep for a few hours, hm? you must be tired to death.”

“it’s okay,” he mumbled. “i love talking to you any chance i can get. these were words i needed to hear. this was the strength i needed.” he slid his body to lay horizontally parallel to yours.

you wrapped your arms around him, and began to comb your fingers through his hair.  you could feel mingi relax in your embrace. his steady breathing tickling your neck. softly, you began to hum a lullaby. one that was familiar between the two of you, that you both knew all too well. 

it was the song you two had danced to at the party where he had confessed to you. when he had told you all the feelings he had been harboring for you for so long and how he promised to give you the world if you’d be willing to give him the chance.

since then, the love you shared grew. so much so, that it overflowed onto moments like these. only two people as in love as the two of you would have an emotional discussion about not resting enough and about just how much you loved each other. as mingi’s soft snores began to fill the room, you realize just how much you wouldn’t have it any other way. it was amazing just how much you loved him and how you’d do absolutely anything and everything in the world and in your power to make him happy. it was in these moments, just before you joined mingi in his slumber, that you realized what an odd and amazing thing it was to love someone because this is how it is.

[dark-gothic-lolita]

Where have I been?

*Warning, VERY LONG POST AHEAD!*

So, I’m well aware that many people have been wondering about my whereabouts, and it’s time I explain to everyone where I’ve been and why I accidentally took a hiatus unannounced. Maybe I should have actually stated that I would be taking a hiatus instead of just leaving you guys out in the dark.

So last year, I finished university. After 3 long, tiring, hard and stressful years, I failed. I actually only failed one module, but I failed it continuously to the point where I had run out of tries. Our lecturer was strict and extremely unlikeable. The way we had to pass the exam was so stupid that I’ve heard all the students after me now have complained about it and now she’s changed the structure (with the new structure, I would have passed). So instead of receiving a Bsc in psychology, I only have a BA. The annoying thing is, I passed the 2 modules that make my degree a Bsc with flying colours, just not one module that literally no one cares about.

Yeah, so because of that, I stopped writing. I wouldn’t say I fell into depression as I’ve never been diagnosed, but it really did get me down. I stopped writing, just losing my will to write because of my fucking grade. I’m not great at anything vocational like art, media, photography. I felt like I had nothing to fall back onto and I was just spiralling into a dark place. Coming from an African household, I just felt like I let the family down. I let myself down. I wanted to do psychology and get into the field to help others, but I was too useless to do so.

I had a part time job while at university, so I decided to go full time. It’s not so bad because I earn more money than an average graduate. I get free travel on top, but the hours are extremely unsociable. My shifts range from starting at 4:45am at starting at 5pm but with 1am finishes. Sometimes I only get 1 weekend off a month, Sometimes none. Luckily, I do have 10 weeks of annual leave, but because I’m constantly working, I’m always on holiday unwinding. 

By last year September, I finally started doing something that I love. I’ve always had a passion for the East Asian languages, but didn’t have money or good resources. With my full time job, I started learning Korean. I Skype with a Korean teacher at least once a week and I found a passion, a hobby. In fact, this July just gone, I went to South Korea for 2 weeks. I even got to meet my Korean teacher and she let me stay with her for 3 days. I even met up with the Korean pen pal that I had made on the same website I had found my Korean teacher (for anyone interested, it’s italki).

Not once did I forget about writing though. I just knew that I had to take a step back from the one thing that helped me in university. I associated it with my failure, also thinking that maybe I should also give up writing. It didn’t help that Fairy Tail (the main manga) had also finished, and usually when a manga series finishes, I lose quite a bit of motivation to write. This didn’t mean that I actually stopped writing though.

I’ve been very stuck on the final chapter of ‘5 years and counting’ so I decided to give myself a break until I got some new inspiration. I even started looking at other pairings that maybe I could write and I now have a one shot that has actually been ready since the beginning of the year that I’m yet to release. I have been writing down new story ideas as well. I have a very big Navia story coming soon, but I would like to write a lot of it (maybe even all of it) so that I can release it weekly like I used to do back when I first started writing fanfics.

So yes, I am indeed back, and I am a lot better now, finding new things to do with myself. I have decided with a friend that from 2021, we’ll go to Korea and become English teachers for a year. That means that I will have to study for my TEFL qualification (the one I want to do takes like 6 months to complete), so I’ll announce when I’m going to start that and how that might also affect my writing.

Once again, many apologies for where I’ve been. I know this was a very VERY long read, but I really needed everyone who’s been asking where I am to understand exactly why I haven’t been writing. It’s so nice and sad to see people asking if I’ll be coming back to the site and the answer is yes. Last night, I made sure that I didn’t go to sleep until I finished the final chapter of ‘5 years and counting.’ 

I love all my readers and I hope I don’t let you all down when going into the new decade!

Lolita-love,

Lolita-chan