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#it’s honestly a comfort show for me at this point
vesppperoro · 2 days
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hii uhh, i had a little idea that id like to share if thats ok, it might be quite triggering tho so be warned ‼️
a sinner demon reader thats based on a teddy bear, because theyre too soft and mushy personality-wise, and they ended up in hell due to being suicidal. like their whole body is covered in stitches thats supposed to be a metaphor for sh scars
do whatever u want with that info, u can even ignore it if u like, have a nice day ❤️
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Hazbin Hotel Cast with a Teddy Bear!Sinner Reader
Includes: Charlie, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Husk, Niffty, Sir. Pentious, Cherri Bomb, Alastor.
A/N: this is such an interesting idea! I’m going based on my own experiences as someone like this, along with research. I appreciate you for trusting me with this <3 I definitely WILL make a p2!! Might write for this sinner more tbh I loved writing them!! I thought you meant a child and I wrote that I’m so sorry 😭
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Charlie Morningstar
She truly didn’t understand why you were in hell.
You are such a sweetheart! She adores you.
When you showed up to the hotel one day, without clothes and covered in stitches, she was immediately worried.
She took you in and washed you up as best as she could.
You were like a child! Why were you even here?
She was happy that you wanted to be redeemed, however.
She became a mother figure to you.
You go to her when you’re sad and you hug her frequently.
She traces your scars sometimes and you two share a silent moment together.
A silent moment of understanding.
She loves picking you up and holding you!
She hugs you like you’re an actual teddy bear.
She’s the one you go to for emotional things.
She’s good at comforting you. She somehow knows what you wanna hear at all times.
Vaggie
She became a secondary mother figure to you.
She was Charlie’s girlfriend, so of course she was.
She understood your situation and was pissed heaven casted a sweetie like you because of your lowest point.
She’s the more levelheaded one.
She’s the one who gives you advice and stuff like that. While Charlie is the more emotionally supportive one, Vaggie is the more mature and steady one.
She also traces your scars. Even if you don’t like them, she tells you you’re beautiful no matter what.
When you told her more of your story, she almost cried.
A child feeling this way broke her to pieces. Especially since you were so soft.
Other than the sad stuff, she loves cuddling you.
You, her, and Charlie sometimes have cuddle sessions with you in the middle because you’re so warm + soft + squishy.
She would kill anyone for you. You’re just so adorable!
She tries to teach you to fight but gives up when you don’t want to hurt anyone.
Angel Dust
Honestly, he saw himself in you.
A lost, scared, and lonely child. You didn’t know the cruelties of the world, aside from those cruelties in your mind.
He tries his best to comfort you. He’s not the best with words, but he’s always there for you.
He calls you sugar bear! He loves you to death.
He would go to the ends of hell for you.
He treats you like he wished to be when he was the same way.
You two share a lot of similarities, so you bond well.
He nearly cried when you told him your stitches were scars from sh.
He embraces you any time he can.
He tries to be the parental figure he needed so you can have a better life, somewhere no one would judge you.
Husk
He’s stubborn, like a dad. He acts like one too.
A hardheaded, yet sweet dad.
He’s like the father you never had. Or did have. Whichever.
He’s the bartender, so he knew how to comfort.
But when you told him your story, he almost broke.
You two definitely sing some sort of song together. Maybe Angel or Vaggie joins.
He cuddles you and hides you with his wings.
If you give him baby doe eyes, he might just take you on a flight.
Husk is SUPER protective over you. He’s very similar to Vaggie in a way when it comes to protection.
He gives you good advice but he still hides behind his tough guy exterior.
He doesn’t understand why you’re down here, even if you tell him. You’re so sweet!
Either way, he adores you.
He loves patting your head and messing with your fuzzy ears.
Might even boop your nose once or twice.
Late night talks.
He probably talked you down from trying to commit again.
Niffty
Another tiny person! Yay!
You’re not a bad boy. She may be a psycho, but she would never call you bad.
Actually, she did once and felt bad once you cried.
She likes to hang out with you since you’re both tiny!
She cuddles and hugs you like you’re her stuffed animal.
Bug killers! Even if you don’t wanna kill bugs, she’s dragging you along anyways.
She tries to hide her needle from you since Husk told her what your stitches meant.
Alastor has to babysit both of you basically.
You and her do almost everything together! You’re best friends!
She sneaks into the kitchen and grabs you both snacks so you can watch a movie.
She makes you sleep in her bed sometimes so she can cuddle you.
Sir. Pentious
He’s a dad. Or, he was.
He treats you like he wishes he treated his son before he passed.
He acts like your father. An awkward father, but he still tries.
He also protects you.
Expect him to curl his tail around you and cuddle you when you’re sad.
He literally cried when you told him your story.
He tells you anytime he can that it’s not your fault. Your stitches are still beautiful.
Best girl dad ever.
Buys you anything he wants, even if he’s broke. (Except sharp things)
He teaches you some things about inventing!
You made him a little metal flower and he was so overjoyed. He took it with him everywhere.
He still remembers you, even if he’s in Heaven now.
Cherri Bomb
Chaotic auntie energy.
She would do ANYTHING for you.
She picks you up and places you on her hip like a baby.
She loves your ears! She also adores how sweet you are.
She wouldn’t admit it, but you’re the cutest thing she’s ever seen.
Even if you tell her your story, she wouldn’t see you differently. You’re a child, a child who went through so much.
Hangouts with her and Angel are a MUST.
They try to avoid doing the normal around you and focus on fun time.
She took you with her when she had a territorial fight one time and you almost cried.
She felt so bad that she bought you anything you wanted for a week.
She did anything you wanted to do, even if Husk or someone else said no to you.
Basically, if you wanted something, you went to her.
Alastor
He’s not one to like kids, really.
He was, however, kinder to you.
He did anything to protect you.
He was like your insane uncle.
He was the one who taught you how to use your abilities. Maybe to help you, or to manipulate you when you grow.
He made you jambalaya once and it became your favorite dish to share with him!
He introduced you to radio and he was happy that you loved it.
He started bringing you to his studio whenever he did a radio show.
He took you to an overlord meeting once. That’s how you met Rosie.
He pats your head like a dog lol.
Don’t expect him to be emotionally available. But he will be there to have fun sometimes.
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remediesremedy · 23 hours
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hazbin hotel characters with a partner with mental health problems
GENDER NEUTRAL READER
WARNINGS: depictions of harm to self, drugs, alcohol, depression, anxiety, burns, crying, self deprecation, sad stuff but there’s lots of comfort and love.
features: lucifer, alastor, vox
comments, reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated <3
LUCIFER
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“and then she hugged me! Charlie actually hugged me, oh it felt so nice to see her smile and she was happy to see me. it was so awesome you should’ve been there to see it, and then there was this pesky radio dem-“ Lucifer paused mid sentence, the words that were about to spout from him abruptly stopped. the door he had just opened, inhabited a lump under the covers who hadn’t yet moved.
their shared bedroom had always had happy memories, but it seemed your mind had followed you home this time, and refused to let up on tormenting you behind the closed doors of your’s and lucifer’s residence.
“Love? has something happened?” The fallen angel whispered gently, moving forward to your side of the bed, peeling away the covers from your face to reveal dull eyes.
depression had followed you all throughout your time of being alive, and even with death it had stuck to you like glue, chains bound to you for eternity. As if being in hell wasn’t enough.
“Honey? can you look at me f’me please?” He rasped, a clawed hand cupping the full cheeks of your face, feeling the lack of warmth that rested beneath your skin. Lifeless eyes dragged themselves to gaze upon the king of hell, and they almost phased straight through him. “Oh sweetie.” his heart ached, he had been aware of everything about you when you were living, never bringing up how you died or what you suffered with. and he had no reason to, you hadn’t showed any signs of falling back into depression or struggling mentally, until now.
“I’m here, i’m here for you.” Lucifer mumbled as he scooted forward to place a tender kiss on your forehead, then the bridge of your nose, then both your cheeks. “can i come into bed with you?”
a small nod, devoid of any energy.
Lucifer scrambled under the covers, immediately going to scoop his lover into his arms, his strength made it easy to manhandle you as tenderly as he could into a position where your head laid softly on his broad chest. “y’know.” the devil hummed, opting to stroke his partner’s hair, “out of the billions of years of being alive. i have never, ever met someone like you.”
as if by reflex, you had scoffed, almost turning your head away from him.
a part of him panicked, his hand stilling and dipping down until it cupped your chin. “i’m serious.” he had mumbled, quieter than before, before regaining his confidence. “after i fell, i found it hard to love things around me anymore. a part of me was lost in that garden, i- the point is, i met you and my heart.” he breathed a little laugh.
“oh my dear, my heart, it has never been fuller.” he admitted honestly, his hand moving once again to caress your skin, his fingers touched you like you were porcelain. a doll, precious and fragile, but he’d have you no other way. “you are the most wonderful being i have ever met, nothing could compare to you.”
tears that had been welling up began to shed, to unashamedly trickle down his face. “nothing.”
the hands that were drawn into your body to almost cradle yourself moved swiftly, they snaked around whatever they could get their fingers on and squeezed thrice, a simple indication of ‘i love you.’
things would be alright after all.
-is very caring during episodes, finds himself almost sick with worry the more you get worse or if you don’t get better
-helps you with cleaning yourself, brings you meals if you haven’t eaten for a while, cradles you at night.
-will hide away with you until you’re ready to go out anywhere. will chaperone you everywhere if he can, stick to you like glue, always has to be touching you in some sort of way to let you know he’s there
-tries to stay awake with you when insomnia hits you, reads to you, will even sing.
-if you can’t take care of your hygiene, he takes his time washing your hair, hands massaging your scalp, humming as he drags the faucet over your head to get the shampoo and conditioner out. puts on face masks with you, showers with you, even if he has to haul you up (it’s not much effort to carry you). he lathers you up and caresses every part of you, you are his everything. will just smother you in his deodorant, you smelling like him always eases his little protective brain for some reason.
-celebrates every good day with you, a part of him breaks when good days get fewer and far between. he fears losing you, or that you’ll never get better. but he doesn’t know that being with him grounds you more than he could ever know.
ALASTOR
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“hey alastor!” Charlie itched to talk to the demon, something in her eyes gave him the impression that it was urgent. Her pale hands waved at him a little too aggressively for his liking.
something was up.
he did not like that one bit.
“Charlie! what can i do for you?” His smile stretched impossibly larger, an arm sweeping to courteously gesture for the princess of hell to continue talking. he fought the urge to grit and ground his teeth, anxiety was never one of his favourite emotions to experience, for others it was.
“Alastor! Hi! Hi.” Charlie jogged to him, standing in front of the demon with a little nervousness in her step. she cleared her throat before sighing, “look i just, i noticed something off about your partner today. i don’t think they’re doing okay, and i was worried and i thought you should know so that you would have a heads up-“
“thank you Charlie.” Alastor’s words came out borderline grateful, softer than his normally charring static voice. “is that all?”
“yes! i- uh, i hope they’re okay!” She beamed, lingering for a second longer than alastor liked before getting the message to leave. As soon as Charlie’s back was turned, Alastor phased through the floor, becoming one with the shadows, after a moment of plunging into an abyss, he rose back up from the depth into his room. Nothing seemed awry, until he picked up on the sound of the shower running, the water spewed out rhythmically.
and then the radio demon noticed the noise behind the water hitting the shower floor.
crying.
The buck’s whole body froze at the foreign sound, the sobs that wracked through the air caused his smile to instantly drop. Worry clouded his senses and without feeling it, his form expanded, antlers growing larger and sharper and his eyes shone bright as he all but busted through the bathroom door, scouring the place for you. “Dear?” his voice cracked, frenzied state shrinking to his normal size as he found you curled into a ball while water hit your back.
his hands itched to scoop you up and take you to bed, but he didn’t want to make you more upset.
you had looked at him with wobbly lips and swollen eyes, “don’t look at me.” you whimpered, a fresh set of tears crashing down your red face, “i’m disgusting, i’m ugly, i’m fucking putrid to see.” you had humourlessly laughed, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth before another sob was pulled from the depths of your chest.
for a second time, Alastor felt himself froze, conflicted with you insulting yourself. insulting his perfect partner. disgusting? absolutely not. ugly? what a lie. putrid? how far from the truth could you be?
his claws reached to envelop your body, he almost hissed at the temperature of the water, boiling hot, enough to burn. you had been sitting there, getting sprayed by alarmingly warm water. “come now.” he started, an unusually soft tone coming from him, “you’ll get hurt if you stay under that water my love.”
“that’s the point.” you mumbled, “maybe if i’m damaged enough on the outside you’ll see how ugly i am on the inside too.”
“nonsense.” Alastor cut through your speech with an edge of anger, without another word, the demon’s hands wrapped around you, dragging your sore body from the wrath of the water. “we are going to bed, yes? and you will tell me why you think this so horribly about yourself my dear.”
“what? why aren’t you yelling at me? why aren’t you telling me i’m right?” your voice began to raise, and your face, already branded with a waterfall of tears, housed some more, fat globs of tears raced down your cheeks. “why won’t you hate me like i hate me?”
“i could never see anything apart from perfection in you my darling.” the deer murmured honestly, shimmying a towel up and down your body as quickly as possible, he wanted to cradle you as soon as he could. “you are more than i deserve. i would do anything for you.” he finished drying your body, swiftly changing you into dry and warm clothes. “and doing anything for you, entails loving you when you can’t find it in yourself to do the same. my love for you will never simmer, or dull, or lose its intensity. it will never falter, not even for a second.” something cold was applied to the raw and sore skin that was affected by the water, a paste for healing supposedly.
“the moment i laid eyes on you, i promised to protect you.” the radio demon whispered, finally able to hold you properly. he pulled the covers up before sliding both of you in, absentmindedly he undid his suit buttons, letting the fluff of his chest puff out from under his dress shirt. he laid your head on his fur, content to have you smothered by him. “so let me protect you, let me help you fight these cruel thoughts.”
“i’m sorry Alastor, i’ll try be better.” you had mumbled guiltily, nudging into his fur defeatedly.
“no no darling, no apologies, no being ‘better’. be as you are, and let me fight these thoughts with you.” his head dipped down, a smile coating his features as he softly nipped at your neck.
an airy, wet laugh left you, “okay Alastor, okay okay! no apologies.” you had agreed, hands tightening around him in thanks.
but you didn’t need to thank him.
Alastor would do anything for you.
literally.
-unused to caring for someone, unused to love and relationships as a whole. had never had any interest until he had seen you, it had opened a casket full of emotions he wasn’t prepared for.
-when it comes to your hygiene and taking care of you when you can’t, he’s very methodical, brushing your teeth for exactly two minutes, washing your body and hair stiffly. overtime he does try and show his affection through touch more, enjoys cradling you, kisses anywhere he can get his mouth on, mostly chaste kisses, not fully comfortable with long kisses of any sort.
-enjoys massaging your scalp with his claws, how you’ll finally be able to sleep while he caters to you by caressing and stroking your skin or hair. if you wander outside of your shared room, he tries to be around as much as possible, always a hand on the small of your back or a watchful eye on you.
-gets his shadow forms to take care of you and check on you when he’s in the studio or busy. cooks for you everyday, will spoon feed you, even in bed (he’ll change the sheets the day after).
-sneakily gets you to do affirmations with him, makes you stand in front of a mirror with him and says what a great couple you guys look like. tells you that he loves you in front of the mirror while holding or stroking a different part of you each time. will begrudgingly do skin care and make you do it with him, after a while you begin to enjoy it and start just doing each other’s skin care in the mirror.
-sees you nothing short as perfect, even when you can’t get up or cry for hours or don’t want to eat, even when you give up and refuse to try anymore. he finds a way to motivate you and want to try again.
VOX
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(disclaimer: getting tired around this point so writing from here on in may deteriorate or lessen in quality)
meetings had been long lately, plans for vox security were kickstarting. he was so busy and it was exhausting, news commercial here, press conference there, meeting here, new tv show there. Vox was tired and he missed you.
between all his schedule and stalking the radio demon unhealthily, it seemed he had almost forgotten about you, even though you flooded his mind at every instance.
he just hadn’t done a very good job at showing how much he had missed you these past few weeks. it left you in a state of loneliness you weren’t quite used to, eyes always trailing to the cameras around the building and in your room, but familiar light of Vox watching the cameras wasn’t there. he hadn’t been checking on in, maybe he didn’t even want to look at you.
self worth was at an all time low, and your anxiety had sky rocketed out of its temporary dormancy, coming back in tenfold. insecurities were on display more than ever, and Vox was nowhere to be seen, falling asleep at his desk or at Val’s and or Velvette’s place.
it was hard not to feel so utterly unwanted.
so you did what every other sinner would do, drink, go crazy on the town and snort some things you shouldn’t have. and at the end of the night, feverish and cold, shaky and nauseous, as you looked into a camera that belonged to vox security, the light didn’t flash on.
he wasn’t there. would he ever be again?
all the substances in your system caught up to you, your stomach began to bubble with pain and you no longer had it within you to keep up the charade that you were fine. you willed yourself to cry, to do something other than rot on the floor of an alleyway street, but no tears came.
instead blood trickled from out of your nose, a telltale sign that you had outdone yourself with whatever atrocities of chemicals you had put in your body. you threw your head back, an expression between a grimace and a smile graced your face, maybe if you fucked yourself up enough Vox would finally come back to you.
needles lay on the ground, no longer sterile but it did not matter. with already shaky hands you grasped one of them, putting it at an angle to inject, you brought it down and the moment it pierced your skin, a familiar hand pulled it straight out of you with a frenzied cry.
“what the fuck were you doing?!” Vox huffed, anger and concern battling to show through his words. worry etched into his features, but you didn’t manage to spot that, only the anger.
“i-i.” no words could come out, the blood from your nose congealed and dripped down onto your shirt, and the injection site pooled with crimson blood too. how could you explain to your partner that you had planned to completely self destruct in hopes he would care for you again?
“are you a fucking idiot? oh my fucking god you’re bleeding.” his palms glided across the blood on your nose and thigh, wiping it away on his skin, his lower lip trembled as he swore at you thoughtlessly. “do you have any idea how dangerous this is?” he bit back the yell, a sigh falling from his lips as he watched your expression morph from embarrassed to complete self hatred.
“i’m sorry, im so sorry.” you whispered, wanting nothing more than to be out of the way, “im sorry that im not good enough, ill be better, i promise, don’t leave me, don’t leave me-“
Vox’s heart, what was left of it, had shattered entirely at your words. regret punched him in the stomach, weeks of little attention and this is what he says in your darkest hour? “shh, shh, of course not, no, no, i would NEVER, never leave you.” his thumbs alternated between rubbing away your forming tears and beading blood.
“c’mere baby.” his voice cracked, he offered you his embrace silently. the look you gave him was utterly heartbreaking, doubtful that he would still love you, god, as if he could ever stop loving you. wordlessly you sank into him, trying to greedily cozy up into him as much as you could, to remember every inch of him. “please, forgive me.”
the words wouldn’t formulate, too drugged up and drunk to even respond, you slumped in his arms, barely able to blink. Suddenly fingers were pinching your cheeks, “hey, hey, don’t fall asleep, i need to make sure you’ll be alright.” he spoke softly, a complete contrast to before. “i’m so sorry, i should be the one saying sorry baby. i’m so stupid, mistreating my whole world.”
the more worked up and upset he got, the more static seeped into his voice. “i’m so sorry. so sorry babe. i haven’t been around and that’s unfair on you, ill book a few days off work okay? just me and you, and i promise ill make it up to you.” his head bowed down, nuzzling against you affectionately, “just stay awake f’me, we’ll get what’s out of your system, and ill make it all up to you, i promise.”
hearing his voice, feeling his touch was pure euphoria for you, a safe haven you had missed beyond anything. “anything for you Vox.”
-is a complete sweetheart, just struggles at first if you’ve done something harmful or destructive to yourself. anything he says in the moment is not thought about and is him panicking.
-makes it up to you every time, bubble baths, washing you and taking care of you like you’re his god. keeps a first aid kit on standby, one is in your room, other first aid kits in other areas of the building too. makes sure from then on in to reassure you, to let you know of his schedule, to bring you with him as much as he can. sometimes comes back from a meeting and just naps with you until he has another thing to do.
-cannot keep his hands off you, super touchy in public now, in meetings you’re new seat is his lap. will try to lessen his schedule more, will spend a lot of his time sleeping with you when you sleep a lot, you two fall asleep spooning or just completely intertwined.
-makes meals for you when he can, hires a personal chef to keep you fed when he’s working. makes a habit of checking his cameras in your shared room a lot more, doesn’t spend as much time infatuated with stalking the radio demon anymore, he’s better at figuring out his priorities now.
-kisses your knuckles when he comes back from work, and then kisses you properly, an intimate lip locking that won’t end until you get the point that he very much wants you. tries to work more remotely, practices affirmations with you and tries to work on his reactions to stressful scenarios so he doesn’t make you feel worse.
-work is important, power is important, but you are above them both, cherishes like you are the only thing to ever exist when you’re both together.
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euphorianz · 17 hours
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Hi! Can you do a anthony bridgerton being obsessed with a reader who doesnt want anything to do with him and rejects him all the time?
Thank u!
(in read your colin one, he is not really my man but your writing is just marvelous! If you decide to do this im so excited to read it!! If you dont its ok, no pressure!)
❥Anthony Bridgerton as a obsessed partner
pairing_ Anthony x reader
Possible triggers_ yandere/dark content, forced affection, mentions of yelling, toxic relationships, Anthony being a total jerk, unwilling reader
a/n_ hiii, thanks so much for your interest! I hope this fic is good and is exactly what you wanted <3 like I said in my last post feedback is welcome and requests!
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-unlike his brother Colin, he is fully aware of what he’s doing and he doesn’t care. He has an “eye on the prize” mentality and has no intention of straying from his goal (you).In a way this is all a game to him, and he has no plans of losing.
-Anthony is controlling/ intense. He desires nothing more for you to be his, and only his. He is not afraid to fight when it comes to you, and will gladly knock a man out for even looking at you. Intimidation tactics are common. Expect to see Anthony randomly showing up at your home or anywhere else you might be. Wether you like him or not he wants everyone to believe the two of you are together. He’s the first one to come up to you at a ball and he makes sure he’s the only one. He doesn’t care if you say no. On top of being controlling he can also be jealous, so expect to be pressed with questions like, “who were you with?!” “What is his name?!” “Do you honestly think he can provide better than me?”
-he has no problem taking full advantage as his role as “viscount” when it comes to you (and your family). He’ll use his influence to gain your family’s favor and your hand. Although meeting through friendship is possible, your mostly likely to catch his eye at a ball than anything. Like his brother the marriage will be swift. Everyone in the ton will be invited to witness your union wether you like it or not. He knows that you don’t hold the same affection for him, so he hopes the tons presence will keep you in check.
-once the two of you are married he doesn’t tolerate any kind of outburst, especially near his family. He cares deeply about them, and the thought of you speaking ill of him or your relationship fills him with rage. So he’ll make a point to be by your side until he can fully trust you. Family participation is a must, especially when it comes to family games. He wants you by his side and happy, but if you can’t be he’s willing to force it.
-if you manage to tell your in-laws about Anthony’s extreme behavior or beg them to help you get out of the marriage, there’s little chance you’ll get the help that you want. Anthony will be quick to take hold of the situation and reassure them that there’s nothing wrong then punish you accordingly. Like his brother he doesn’t like to see you in pain, but he’s not afraid to inflict it.
-like his brother he wants a lot of kids and he expects you to feel the same. If you don’t he’ll just say, “you don’t actually feel that way my love. You’ll come around eventually.” Again family is important to him, so you will eventually have children wether you like it or not.
-Anthony at times can have a short temper, especially when you push him away. He’ll yell and scream demanding “why you don’t love him”. After his outburst and if your upset he’ll be quick to comfort you and apologize, “I’m sorry.. I never mean to upset you.” He can have his tender moments.
-like the rest of his family divorce is not an option and bringing it up will only lead to more problems for you. Same goes for attempting to leave him. He doesn’t know what to do with himself or you at that point, and his desperation will only lead to fueling his obsession with you.
-he’s your husband and you’re his wife. It doesn’t matter how much you fight him or deny his affection that fact will remain. “Wether you acknowledge it or not, your are only for my eyes to witness. So there’s no use in fighting what’s already been vowed.”
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boyled-eggs · 3 days
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ya'll mind some bucky x different culture!reader hc's?
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bucky would be so interested in learning about your culture and your language.
if you have an accent because of your native language, bucky would notice that and point it out with something like, "omg, i LOVE your accent, where's it from?"
if you don't have an accent because of your native language, bucky would be pleasantly surprised to know that english isn't your native language, when he does.
but he would defo be super interested in knowing your language.
cue silly questions by curious bucky:
"so you can speak more than one language?! wow, i could never!"
"so like when you think, right, do you think in english or in your native language? what about in your dreams? what language do you dream in?"
sometimes, while talking to him, after ya'll get comfortable around each other, you might end up accidentally saying something in your native language, forgetting that bucky doesn't speak your language. you repeat your sentence in your native tongue at him as he looks at you confused but more than that, amused.
"baby? i dont speak [your language]"
you laugh along with bucky before repeating what you said to him earlier, this time in english.
when you both get to know each other long enough, a small percentage of the words you use to talk to him will be in your native language. repeated usage will get him accustomed to those words.
this accustomisation will come in handy when u forget the english version of said words.
"bucky?" "yep" "hand me the...uh...," you snap your fingers trying to remember the english word but instead use the word in your language. "oh yeah here you go," he hands you the thing, beaming proudly, "see i remember the word"
sometimes, if you are talking to someone on the phone in your native tongue, bucky will silently point out the words he understands. when you hang up, he'll come up to you and tell you what he could piece together about your convo with the words that you used.
and when he'd get him right and when u tell him that he did, he would smile like a little kid, it's honestly so cute to see.
he defo seems like a fast learner.
ok, best part of teaching someone your language (as someone whose native language is not english): swear words!
bucky would ask you how to say bad words in your language. you would explain the words to him and hear him repeat the words in his accent.
u would giggle so hard hearing him say such rude words. he'd probably say those words around u randomly just to make u laugh.
he may or may not butcher the pronounciation (depends on how different your language sounds from english; he would defo butcher mine lol)
but also: "baby, how do u say 'i love you' in [your language]?"
once he learns the golden phrase, it's over for you.
he'll be saying it to you ALL. THE. TIME. like all the time.
but it's honestly so adorable.
like you'll be cooking something in the kitchen and he'll come up behind you, hands on your hips, lips grazing against the shell of your ear,
"i love you," he'd say in your language.
or a sensual whisper while you two are cozily tucked in bed as he caresses ur face gently. butterflies in tummy ~ 🦋🦋
it would be extra cute coming for him because he would forget the pronounciation for most of the words and phrases that you would teach him but this one... oh no, this one he's remembering till the day he dies, his words not mine.
writing! omg writing!
if u know how to write in your native language, you would propose to teach him how to write his name.
but he'd insist he wants to learn how to write your name first.
squeeeeeeeeeee!!
then you'd teach him how to write his name. he'll do something cute like taking the pen and adding a little plus sign between your names and a cute lil' heart around it, grinning like an idiot.
because he's an idiot but he's "your idiot" 🥺🥺
he would play love songs in your language to show u how much he loves you.
prolly will even sing in your language, (which would mostly be him mumbling and then singing the parts that he knows well out loud with confidence, even though his pronounciation makes what he's singing barely understandable)
he would give you nicknames in ur language <33 (not me imagining him calling me the love of his life in my language 🤭🤭)
also, him with the rest of your culture (because there is more to your culture than just your language)
like the spark to learn more and more about ur culture would be ever present in him, as it comes with getting to know you better, which he very much intends to do.
but i think seeing you in your cultural clothing (if ur culture has clothing different from his american culture) would enkindle the flame.
like you'd be going through some of your old stuff that u had stored and kept away and decide to wear your cultural clothing, just out of whimsy <3
(also because u'd want to see bucky's reaction to seeing u in your cultural clothing) 🤭🤭
"hey bucky?" "yeah?" "how do i look?"
he'd turn around to see you in the dress, eyes wide like saucers, mouth open in surprise.
"nooo wayyyy, oh my god, darlin' you look amazing."
you'd have him stuttering stumbling over his words as the only thought in his head is how gorgeous you look. how, how beautiful.
after that, it'd just be him and his hands all over you. kissing you. admiring you. closely observing how the dress looked on your body. how it looked as he took it off of you.
and food! i have a personal headcannon that bucky is REALLY into food. like we all know that the way to a man's heart goes through his stomach or however that saying goes.
and he would love to see you cook something for him from ur cultural cuisine.
like just standing in the kitchen, being like, "oh what is that? what are u adding in the thing?" like pointing at the ingredients, asking questions like a little schoolboy 🥺🥺
and festivals!! ooh festies! bucky loves a good party, we all know that!
u'd tell him about a festival of yours coming up and how you are invited to go to a party/celebration thing that one of your friends organised and that would get bucky so so curious.
like he'd sit u down and ask u to explain the cultural significance of the festival.
and u'd spend hours explaining to him your culture and answering his queries.
he just loves hearing about your culture. he'd love to be a part of it someday.
u'd take him to a wedding and show him just how weddings are done in your culture.
he'd probably be blushing the whole time, as if he's the one getting married.
he'd prolly wanna get married to you the way they do it in your culture.
no fr man would have a whole monologue prepared in your language for when he proposes to you.
like mr. egan will literally get down on one knee, hold ur hand and ask u to marry him in YOUR LANGUAGE. his pronounciation would be the best he's ever had - he would practice for MONTHS for this proposal.
when ya'll marry, u're gonna be married both in the american way and if ur culture's weddings are different than his, you'd have a wedding from your culture as well.
kids! your kids would have both names from ur culture and english names as well!
this was mostly a self-indulgent post but hey! at least im writing something! yay! thank u @sagesolsticewrites  and @agir1ukn0w for the encouragement u gave me to write this lil' thing <33
feel free to rb and add on to this thing lmao <3
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sygneth · 11 hours
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YES YES IT'S THEM AGAIN. I COULDN'T RESIST AND Y'ALL ASKED SO NICELY.
In this episode: messy haired Holmes
I have their story in my head up to the point of Victor's leave, and it's highly probable I will draw it all... I can roughly divide it into three chapters: 1st that is finished, 2nd concerning the events of the "Gloria Scott" and 3rd dealing with the mess afterwards.
Previous (Chapter 1)
Holmes College Adventures Masterpost
AO3
A couple more of my thoughts and headcanons on the topic that came up in the meantime (hopefully no spoilers?):
I wanted their relationship to be a queerplatonic one, so if you're here for romance, you'll be disappointed. Holmes has some things thought through (as I tried to show in the previous part), he does like Victor on a different level than he has ever experienced, but he doesn't know where his boundaries of being comfortable are, and, at least for now, this is all too confusing for him to experiment. So he's just enjoying the time that they have and doesn't dwell on in too much.
Second thing is, Holmes seems to be alright with thouch, at least the way I read him. (Honestly, the amount of touch provided by him, to Watson in the first place of course, but also to other, random people? That's a LOT to me. But my view may also be biased, I don't like touching at all.) Yes, so, Holmes is alright with casual touch, and the closer he is with someone, the more alright he seems to be. I can see him as a type who will start treating friends like furniture, if they're close enough.
Ah and the third thing. I believe Holmes to be the kind of student who did a lot of extracurriculars in his fields of interest, and barely passed or had to repeat all the rest. And I hc astrology to be his sworn enemy. Because what influence does it have on the results of his chemical research or crime? Exactly.
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piko-power · 2 days
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So, the Knuckles Show...
It was a hassle to attempt and find the show somewhere else (pirate if you wanna watch), and also I had a lot going on that day, BUT!
I have finally finished all six episodes of Knuckles, and my final thoughts...!
...It was pretty good.
Honestly, nothing to ground-breaking and outstanding but it was fantastic and such a lovely treat to hardcore Knuckles fans. Like me lol. (It may not look like it, but TRUST ME THIS SHOW TURNED ME INTO A HARDCORE KNUCKLES FAN.)
All of my thoughts are under the cut, but to make a long story short, I really enjoyed it! (Forgive this post and me I'm not the best at sharing reviews DX)
Now, some things I wanna point out... (MASSIVE SPOILERS AND PERSONAL HEADCANONS AHEAD)
THOUGHTS ON CHARACTERS
I really liked Wade Whipple. He's goofy, and dorky, and he was fantastic for saving his family and Knuckles. His character arc was really interesting to watch, and he's got a lot of funny moments. Him and Knuckles also make a great team. I believe he would make a great Uncle for Knuckles. XD
Knuckles' arc was fantastic too. I was hoping that he realizes that Earth is his home, and he did. The Movie Series version of Knuckles is definitely my favorite version of Knuckles. EVER. Love this character to death. Number one favorite character right now.
The story was pretty good, too. Interesting that Knuckles isn't the only main focus, but I was onboard with the idea that Wade is also in the spotlight. I liked Wade but I love him A LOT.
The whole drama with Wade's family was something that honestly caught me off guard, but in a good way. It's just great to see more of his extended family. (And Wade's mother and is just so sweet and cool.)
Mason and Willoughby were fun to watch. Almost better than Orbot and Cubot, honestly. XD
The Buyer... I kind of forgot about him until the last few episodes. XD Cool villain, though!
Pachacamac... Never thought I would actually enjoy this character. Really wish he got enough screen time, dude is so hilarious. So much better than the Pachacamac we all knew from Adventure 1 pffffft. And hearing Doc Brown's voice coming out of Mac's mouth was the best part. He fits the role perfectly.
WACHOWSKI FAMILY CRUMBS! WE GOT TO SEE MORE OF THE WACHOWSKIS! It was only for one episode, but it's just so refreshing to see Knuckles with his newfound family, especially Tails. (Even though he didn't get enough screentime.)
No Donut Lord... 😔
MY HEADCANONS OF THE EVENTS DURING THE SHOW (and afterwards)
The house is still in construction after the second film. I have a feeling that the Knuckles show took place probably a month or two after the second film. (Or at least after the baseball field scene from the movie.)
And if that's the case, then it's probably why Sonic and Tails haven't called Maddie "mom" yet. Sonic JUST made Donut Dad official, but not hearing Sonic calling Maddie "mom" didn't surprise me, actually. Since he had a mother figure once before, and now she's gone. Sonic is probably still struggling to make Mama Maddie official after that whole mess. 🥺
And also I think Tails does look at Tom and Maddie as his parents, but calls them by their first names because that's what he's most comfortable with for now.
Sonic mentions that Tails and Knuckles are his roommates. ...Something tells me that he hasn't realized the bigger picture yet. 😈 Once the realization hits, it's over for the middle child.
I seriously don't believe Knuckles is sticking with the Whipples. He's got a bed at home, and "pretzel woman" is a motherly title of sorts for Maddie. I just think Knuckles and Wade have formed a really strong bond. Wade is more of a uncle figure for him, but the Whipples are part of the Wachowskis regardless. 💕
I bet Knuckles' grape stash that the moment Knuckles walks back home with Wade, Sonic, Tails and Maddie (and Tom if he came home) freaks the hell out because he just straight up left home without an explanation. Especially since he's grounded and shouldn't have step foot out of the house. But all that matters is that Knuckles is at home with his family. Did this calm everybody down? No, and yes. It's hard to explain. (At least Sonic knows now that Knuckles can finally relax.)
Ever since the events of the Knuckles Show, seeing visions of Pachacamac is pretty normal for Knuckles, whether he needs to be guided for something even if it's small, or he just casually shows up in his dreams just to say "hi." I feel like since he visited Wade while he was unconscious, I think Pachacamac would also visit other people's dreams or visions. It be so goddamn funny if this dude just randomly show up in Sonic's dream, scaring the living daylights out of him, and when he explains it to Knuckles, he's like: "Oh, that's just Mac, he's cool." and Sonic is like: "???????"
THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODES - Fair warning, I've only seen these episodes ONCE (Including some clips I rewatched on Tumblr.) so some things here might be fuzzy or wrong, so bare with me here...
Episode 1 was a great start. I love the dynamic Sonic and Knuckles has. Bummer that we didn't get to see more of them together, but with the power of writing, that problem can be solved! (HUZZAH!) I love the small bit with Knuckles and his mother Maddie after he got grounded and how he just, took it okay with the fact that he's grounded. And I love Sonic trying to help his new buddy out, he's an absolute sweetheart for that. Pachacamac's appearance in the episode took me by surprise and he was such a joy to watch. Love the elderly goofball. Seeing Knuckles and Wade interact was nice, too, even when he gets to talk about his dad. It was a nice moment. And Knuckolas Cage. Best nickname ever, how dare Knuckles decline such a title for a perfect warrior XD
Episode 2 was great. Absolutely love the daydream scene with Wade's plan on saving Knuckles from the G.U.N. agents, and Holding Out For a Hero playing in the background. GOLDEN. Don't remember much else other than that and Knuckles and Wade rocking out to so music. (And Knuckles breaking the radio again.)
Episode 3 is when we get to see Wade's family members, and it was nice. Wanda is one of those siblings that we had and Wendy (is that her name?) is just so lovely. We got to know more of Knuckles' dad, and once more, it was a tender moment between an Echidna and a dork-ass Uncle. 😊 And we got a EPIC fight scene with Knuckles, Wendy and the goons. It was AWESOME. Also, love Wade's room. He's got good taste.
Episode 4... Oh, my God. It was a fever dream. Literally. It was so RIDICULOUS but it was the greatest thing I've ever seen in a long time. XD I love musical numbers that just come out of NOWHERE, and this was one of them! Adam Pally (Wade) in a Knuckles costume is just the most elegant thing. AND ECHIDNA MUPPETS ARE REAL! I WAS HOPING THAT THEY WOULD ACTUALLY BRING IN THE ECHIDNA MUPPET!! Jokes aside, it was a strangely epic episode of Wade going through Knuckles' past in a unique way. And the songs were pretty great. ...You think that's where all the budgeting went? On this gorgeous musical number? /j Also we got more of my boy Pachacamac, being one of my favorite characters besides Knuckles lmao GOD I wish we got more of Pachacamac. I love him so much XD
Episode 5 Is when they arrive at Reno. It was alright. We got to see Wade meeting his dad finally (also Knuckles is using a phone no problem I guess??) I think that's all I remember. WE GOT KNUCKLES WITH THE HAT THOUGH SO YEAH!
Episode 6 is the last one of the mini series and it was pretty kick-ass. More cool fight scenes, with Knuckles and the Agents, him against the Buyer, which was short and sweet, but still pretty intense. Wade and Pete was competing in bowling. Kept forgetting about that, but it was cool regardless. And Wade being the best uncle ever and protecting Knuckles while he was out. Also kind of forgot a lot from this episode, but nonetheless, badass way to end the mini series. Complete with the classic freeze frame of Knuckles and Wade getting a high five! Knuckles realizing that his home is on Earth was such a powerful scene. It was the first Sonic movie all over again.
And yes, there was a pretty quick post credits scene where Knuckles found a song and claimed it was his jam. It was really cute. XD
Really wish there was a scene where Knuckles came back home to the Wachowskis with the family flipping the lid over the fact that he left the house, but in my heart I know damn well it happened. I know this series too well lmao
That's pretty much all I wanna say about how this show made me feel. It was a fun time. Not was insane as Movie 1 and 2, but still as enjoyable.
Honestly, after watching this, I hope we get a Wachowski family TV show, where it's just the family on misadventures, and moments together that are comedic, fluffy, angst, any emotion you wanna feel watching it, and it's just a good time. I just wanna see more of this goofy little growing family. (Also it'd be cool if season 1 was after the first movie because I wanna see Sonic adjusting to his new life with Tom and Maddie and spending traditions and holidays with them before the sequel.) I love this series too much. 😅
This show got me really ambitious to work on my stories and I really wanna show the community how amazing these characters are. (I just need to get an AO3 in the future...)
It feels good to be back on the Wachowski bandwagon.
The Knuckles Show is flawed, but it was a fun time. I love the characters, I love the story, I love the choice of songs they used, and of course, I love Knuckles. This is the best we've ever seen of Knuckles, and I'm proud of how far this little, tough guy has came.
The Echidna Warrior made his debut 30 years ago, and he's never been stronger. Keep on punching, Knuckles! 😎💕
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boomerdangs · 2 years
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So I decided to draw more stuff from my childhood and that included doctor whooves and assistant— even watched a couple of episodes again to refresh my brain. Honestly still really love it but anyways yeah! Love these three dorks, excited to see more of them pft <3
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citrlet · 10 days
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very sad this morning seeing Ryan and Shane leaving youtube to start yet another exclusive subscription service :/
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napping-sapphic · 2 months
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my boyfriend is trans, mtf but doesn't like that i consider my sexuality sapphic. what do i do? doesn't sapphic also apply to trans men?
Ah.
Another advice ask😓
Yall i appreciate that some of you feel comfortable asking me for relationship advice or that you might be comfortable here since im an anonymous stranger etc
HOWEVER, let me be straight up honest with you— i havent ever been in an actual relationship, im a MAJOR shut in so i’m not at all up to date with all the minutiae of the queer community, full on i have averaged leaving the house one (1) single time PER MONTH for the last FIVE months
I do not want to give you bad/naive/shortsighted advice
And i promise you do not want my bad advice
I am begging you Please do not ask me for advice i am so stressed
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wibblywobblykid · 8 months
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NEW CLIP FROM ARI AND DANTE JUST DROPPED
youtube
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thschei · 3 months
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I swear I'm trying to type out the thing about my brain but I'm really not sure how much detail I feel comfortable going into... I used to be so open on here, but then uh, I had several big falling outs with friends and a couple of them started stalking me, so I left my blog on queue since 2014 and then stopped posting from 2016 to 2020. The only place I felt comfortable making posts relating to my personal life or mildly dissenting fandom-related posts was on a locked twt account with only 20-40 people on it.
Anyway, I'm Trying
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sysig · 24 days
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See you everywhere, now that you’re gone (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#Dexter Favin#Ft. Wally West and Xigbar again - they're good to him <3#Hhhh ;; The sads :'0#ZEX never got to fully show off his uniform ;;#I was so hoping for that! He deserves to show off and feel nice and be praised </3#At least he'd surrounded himself with good people - the dynamics around which are also interesting#Wally lovely <3 He's so sweet honestly just wants to offer a shoulder if he's able any small bit of comfort#He's injured and he's still trying to hug ZEX weh ;; Any bit of solace ♥#Xigbar's way of cheering him up is his own kind of misplaced sweetness haha I love the care put into everyone's quirks <3#Ugh the whole thing of Nobodies trying to (and failing to! To varying degrees) convince themselves that they don't have emotions#Clearly Xig is unbothered by this so it's better to just flirt and not worry about it! It's a shame but it happens to everyone#I see you Xigbar#Really tho him being a bit flippant and silly and tactile with ZEX did seem to help haha#''Let me comfort you'' pfft - sad silliness hehe#And then Dexter showed up!! I was so unprepared for that!!#Honestly I only expected him to come visit The One Time so I was so not ready for him to be here after All This#He made ZEX cry last time and this time he came to it already crying ;;#Ughhughgh ZEX's unshakable trust for DAX - even just his voice - being the breaking point of his self control I jfdlksahfds#Someone he can be weak in front of since he doesn't want to be seen by anyone that way - only to DAX ;;;;#Offering any bit of familiarity as comfort weh I'm fine this is fine ;;#Poor ZEX :( Being so powerless and helpless in this situation is so sad!! At least when he was in the War he was in control to an extent#He only touched his cheek with his uniform later that night which I do honestly love the imagery of soft and tender <3#I like drawing people holding things fully to their face more than I remembered haha#And then the fact that his roommate changed the same night and it was /Kirk/ of all people fjdslahfdsfd wehhhhh 😭#Kirk is genuinely the sweetest to him he is absolutely best boy but to have a Captain after all that ;;;;#It cuts so deeply ironic oww <3 <3
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hieronymous-bitch · 5 months
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bisaster-energy · 6 months
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i do get making cas essentially human i understand that he can adjust to it and actually enjoy life like that. but um. i just think he can be just as fulfilled as a full blown angel
#human cas fics fuck severely they go hard#but i cant really vibe with cas like. just ''being human'' endgame#cos we already know no matter if he can fly no matter if he has grace he won't BE human that's an entirely different species ya dig#if the show was normal about non-human creatures being people as much as humans are#i probably wouldn't mind as much? but the show is very very sucky about that so#they scratch the surface on nonhumans being capable of like. fear and hopelessness and love.#and instead of really having salmondean explore this they just. forget about it and maybe the cycle restarts in another motw ep#ik it probably aligns with the overall copification of those 2 and it makes me so full of malice...#what im saying is cas is decidedly other. a creature an incredibly powerful one.#and i think it really shows that him not being human separates him from them. he's not as trusted#even after 12 years :/ it's kinda easy to oust him cos he keeps relationships with heaven.#which brings me to the whole ''oh fuck angels we hate angels oh but um not you cas!!'' thing like bro he's still an angel#you pick which monsters u find worthy of redemption but never fully accept them for what they are and discard em pretty easily#so yeah i think having cas be graceless is interesting and even makes sense but ig it just seems too easy on the winchesters#they never had to really accept cas as a full powered angel cos honestly they way they remember it#cas at full power wings in tact was just an asshole and he was barely ever back to that: comfortable in his prime after like s7 wtv#once it's all over and done with i think it'd be cool if cas could have all his wings and power in tact and just be at peace like that#he's an angel but he doesn't have to be a soldier anymore he can quite literally do anything now whole point of free will#and yeah he can choose to be graceless sure but he can never be human anyway. physically at his core he's something Else and i think#dean should have to like. live with that tbh#they never have to REALLY tackle the ''monsters are people too'' aspect and angel cas endgame would prove that regardless#he IS family. they dont NEED him to be an angel to USE him but regardless he is what he is and#they are fine with him not being human because he's family and they love him who cares what you are.#cos in cas' mind he needs his power to be useful but also he cannot truly be part of them while he is noticeably Other due to their bias#this is true for other characters obviously jack rowena crowley#sam's whole thing with benny 💀#but this is a cas post and i haven't watched the show in years so this isn't like. a cited essay lmao just ramblings#in short i just want cas to be fully angel while not feeling he HAS to be for others' sake and have the brothers be genuinely cool with it#cas my best friend cas#cas studies
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castielmacleod · 1 year
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The Crowley and Amara thing as it was in canon was very much a complete disaster but part of the reason I so strongly prefer Amara as Crowley’s kid conceptually over him having anything to do with Gavin is because I really prefer the idea of Crowley choosing to be a parent on his own terms because he wants to have a relationship like that, and not out of any sort of forced obligation.
#Especially because to me Gavin only exists because Fergus MacLeod was a gay man who#had to force himself to marry and have children to hide that significant part of himself.#And that is why he resents Gavin so much in the first place. Not that it justifies the mistreatment but that’s at least WHY#It’s at least why Crowley feels that way. In my interpretation that is#So I think Crowley would have a LOT of parenting hang-ups related to that whole ordeal#Which I think is why he has Amara call him uncle instead of papa or something because he’s still not entirely comfortable#with fatherhood and his place in it and so the uncle thing is a way he can distance himself from that a little#But he very much was trying to parent Amara. Like in complete and total earnest too regardless of any initial intentions#I honestly believe that it became less about getting the Darkness on his side and more about him wanting a family#Wanting ANYONE. Love of any kind be it romantic platonic familial etc. He just wanted someone who would stand next to him#And maybe that’s kind of a woobie take but on my head be it I guess because I really do believe that#The show is atrociously written of course so like I said it’s an entire mess but he really did read parenting help books in the middle of#important meetings. Like. What am I supposed to do with that information other than think he is actually really trying here#ANYWAY to return to the point I’m trying to make with the post….. the fact that Crowley wanted to be a parent to Amara and clearly#did not want to have had Gavin is an important difference to me.#And I think if fan content is going to give Crowley any adventure in parenting then I’d much rather see him with Amara#Making the active choice to be someone for her#Rather than force himself to have anything to do with Gavin out of guilt at best and pure obligation at worst#(Due to Crowley and Rowena’s same person syndrome this is also why I think that while they could be friends that their#parent-child relationship is a ship that has LONG since sailed. Rowena is not a mother she’s not comfortable with it etc. So#they would stop trying to force that particular angle and just try and be amiable with each other and I think it would make it#genuinely easier for them to get along if they stopped trying to be Mother and Son and just tried to be people.)#My posts
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fairyzar · 1 year
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the older i get the more confused i become in regards to my identity.
#z escribe#i have been aware that i was adopted from a young age. heck i knew before my mom told me because i watched the health channel#and i rmbr they showed a skin color chart and i pieced together...two white parents don't equal a brown kid#and i thought that the colorblind mindset was a proper one to be brought up with. obviously not as i experienced racism in elementary.#and was extremely confused why 'other' white kids didn't see me as white either...well no shit you're not white baby aza#and i went through a radical phase during middle school. hating all white people. but then my mom's white fragility deterred me from that#as any time i would voice my anger she would... quite literally in tears... try to reason with me and be like ''but i'm white people...#do you hate me?'' to which i would always have to soothe her. and honestly i have become comfortable in identifying with mixed.#it is a comfortable identity because i have grown up without any specific culture (outside of american. which. how does one even begin to#define the complexities of such an identity... the way that american as a nationality transcends as it becomes a civil religion.)#anyways. i have been thinking about a guy at a party and our conversations. and how we got to our identities and i instantly...#out of habit really. told him ''well i'm half mexican or indigenous too... but i mean it's not like i'm really latin.'' and he was like.#''no azaria. you are. don't diminish yourself and your ancestors just because you weren't able to grow up around that culture''#his comment made me think about my identity once again after a long time of not wondering what it means to be Me.#and i recently submitted a paper for an internship. and god. i was reading it to my white mom. and after i read the concluding paragraph#she asked me to read it again. to which i did. and then after a pause she sighed and said i was being ''too angry''#and when i asked her to elaborate she simply said ''well it makes it sound as if white people are evil''#mind you. my application paper is about working at a museum for african american/black art preservation. like. art history is so deeply#saturated with colonialism and racism??? and she just chose to ignore that point of my paper and focus on me critiquing her fellow white#people. and to categorize me as the 'angry black person' are you Fucking kidding me. but then even with that she was like.#''i just don't get why you're so angry. you're not even black. i mean. you don't look black at all. you look mexican''#she constantly wants my identity to be simple. to be watered down. to be digestible.#i am the product of a biracial mother and fully latin/indigenous father. that is the truth of my identity. i will NEVER be perceived as#white.#but after that i just felt so incredibly shitty and called my sister and she told me what our mom said to her that day too. and i said#something along the lines of ''sometimes i feel as if mom thinks we owe her for adopting us.'' and my sister agreed.#it broke me. it really did. to know that i am not being overdramatic in my thoughts. to know that i am not simply being ungrateful.#my sister says that she copes with it by reasoning that our parents are born in the 40s and times were a lot different then. but it is hard#for me to constantly excuse their racism and ignorance towards my identity. both regarding my queerness and ethnicity.#i am so tired. so so tired.
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