#it’s ok to add things on I feel a lot of folks are frustrated with google

[moonstruck-stormy]

This seems super misleading and is the reason why NF1 isn’t legally a disability…so what some folks don’t display symptoms? This was the only result that appeared in google last time I searched it (in a text box). Google search results are super misleading about medical stuff.

The truth apparently…why did I search this again I’m stressed even more now. Why are the search results different now? I’m very frustrated at google bc I tend to rely on the boxes bc NF1 gave me adhd among other things.

I know keeping a close eye on stuff is the only way to prevent this, but like with nf1 on all preexisting condition list I’ve seen republicans can take any sort of preventive care away.

Anyway back on topic: google get your stuff clear!

[unicornachos]

Getting tired of seeing gotcha posts on Tumblr lately shitting all over vegans. They've gotten more common over the past few years...

Usually it'll be a post criticising a choice like maybe 3% of vegans actually make, or more usually an imaginary vegan they've pulled from thin air based on their own stereotypes and assumptions, followed by vibes along the lines of' "I know better, actually you don't care about sustainability or human rights at all! You're completely uneducated about (insert any topic here). Gotcha! Who's the morally superior one now, huh" Followed swiftly by the implication that there is no ethical consumption under capitalism, so why try at all.

Like yeah maybe there are some young idiot vegans who think buying pleather boots is ok for the environment, but every vegan I've ever met is more likely to get a second-hand pair of leather boots at an op-shop, because it's better for the environment. Every vegan I know has cared immensely about issues with soy and quinoa, about where their food comes from, about water use and microplastics, who picks their fruit and veg, and human rights in general. More than any non-vegans I know.

So why are we still constantly berated for not doing every single other thing that non-vegans want us to do? It's starting to feel like people have a very specific idea of vegans in their heads and need an outlet for weird anger and misery and frustration, and we're an easier punching bag than the large corporations and governments who dictate the rules of our late-stage capitalist hellscape, so why not have a go?

It really feels like people are unconsciously mad with themselves that they can't do more to help the world and possibly have unexamined issues or guilt with consuming animals themselves, and feel better about themselves after telling vegans they're just not doing their activism hard enough, and that everything they buy from the grocery store is a human rights violation, so really you're just as bad as the rest of us.

Idk man I just. It really feels like a lot of whataboutism most of the time from non-vegans who have a weird, skewed view of militant white vegans, while the majority of vegans (who aren't all white, might I add) are just living their lives, trying to make the world a slightly less shitty place. We should absolutely criticise racist white vegans. Take them the fuck down. I don't think you think vegans are who you think they are, though. Vegans are from intersecting identities just like everybody else, and come from many different countries. And also there are some silly, uninformed vegans with misplaced ideas, just like there are silly, uninformed non-vegans with misplaced ideas. But if you imagine a vegan to be someone you'd hate, it's a lot easier to ridicule them to make you feel like you're right and good.

I just wish that the people who make these posts and the folks who join in and/or reblog, would take a look at themselves and think about what they themselves are doing to prevent cruelty in this world, in any shape or form. Like are you painstakingly making sure you're not buying clothes with plastic in it? Are you checking the label of every food item you buy to make sure you knew where it came from? Do you only buy your veg from local farms within 10km or only eat things from your own garden? If not, idk what to tell you, but it's probably that you should give vegans a break if you're not doing all the very things you tell us we should be doing.

It just feels like a lot of misplaced anger. Why are you so, so enraged at vegans not being perfect people when you could be going and protesting outside the farms of migrant workers, if you're so pissed about where our fruit and veg comes from? If you're mad about fruit and veg, wait till you hear of the human rights abuses in abattoirs.

When someone tells a vegan that there's no ethical consumption under capitalism, it just feels like a cop-out. You're not trying so why should anyone else, right? I just think people should be allowed to try to make the world better in their own ways, and not be ridiculed for not living up to an unattainable standard set my non-vegans.

Being vegan is about doing the least harm you can, within your means. It's not an on-off switch- it's a sliding scale of effort to do less harm. It's not stupid to acknowledge unnecessary suffering and choose not to take part in what's within your means to abstain from. Some vaccines still use animal products. Some of my medication has animal product ingredients. Am I going to go off my meds and become an anti-vaxxer? No. Do I think Indigenous Peoples should stop eating the foods they have always eaten, often for tens of thousands of years before colonisation? Of fucking course not. It's possible try to unsubscribe to shitty things in this world without doing it perfectly. The whole world would be a lot better if most people consumed 70% less animal products, than 2% of the world doing veganism perfectly.

I think most non-vegans are too afraid of what they might find out if they actually research animal agriculture so they stubbornly make excuses not to bother. So that's their choice, but until you're as perfect as how you claim we should be, literally shut the fuck up and find something more productive to do with your time, like actively try to fight against the very things you think we've all somehow decided to turn a blind eye to. Because I bet the majority of people consuming whatever unethical product you've decided on aren't vegans.

Coming across one silly vegan on the internet doesn't mean you have permission now to write off the crucial need for our planet to massively reduce animal agriculture, and the possibility that you might potentially be able to opt out of it. Criticising veganism doesn't mean you've absolved yourself of any harm you yourself are doing, and also doesn't absolve you of finding ways to do less harm to people, animals, and the planet.

And if you're pissed about vegans having moral superiority, I'd really like to see non-vegans examine their own moral superiority they seem to feel they have over vegans.

Ok signing off lol

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

My mum would b thrilled that Kamala Harris is running for president, because she’s female. I like her not simply because she’s half Indian, but because she’s strong, she’s classy. She’s intelligent. She’s a mature woman - she doesn’t show off or seek attention. She shows great potential.

I also have to laugh at jd Vance’s comment.

"We are effectively run in this country via the Democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable too," Vance said.

Oh for fecks sake. He acts as though ALL mothers are automatically happy being so. Even if u became a mum through rape or had kids n realised it wasn’t as great as u thought. Or whatever. Ok, me life does suck, but it’s NOT because I don’t have kids.

He wants you to think that ONLY childless cat people have mental health issues, and that tradwife lifestyles don’t. There’s a silent oppression and delusion thought process that goes with that lifestyle. It often feels cultish, and can easily entertain abuse. No thanks. Mothers can be just as miserable as what he assumes ALL childless women are. Some childless women do wish they had kids, n that’s valid. Many of us are quite happy that we don’t. We are equally valid. Sometimes, by NOT having kids, we r saving prospective offspring from more health concerns or possible abuse. It’s actually incredibly responsible, and that energy can be better spent elsewhere that’s more productive for the individual.

In fact, if I would have had kids, it would have been worse. I was never emotionally cut out for children, and they’d bring out the worst of me temper. I know this and accept this about me. I would be the best them/make the afraid of me to love me sort. I’m also extremely sensitive to stress, and get overstimulated easily. This leads to me getting rather bitchy. I’m also sensitive to pain. Pregnancy and especially labour often cause intense pain. Kids are loud, they smell, they are full of shite, piss, n puke. Frequently. I’m not worried about ruining the figure, lol. That’s already been gone, n there r far more serious concerns to worry about.

Besides, a lot of parents think they are doing well by their kids by spoiling them. They create entitle, privileged brats who are unable to properly acclimate to society’s challenges. Struggle is a natural part of life, and these folks can’t cope as easily. They also treat others as tho they can walk all over them. These parents teach their kids that they don’t need to move aside for others, it doesn’t matter if their kids run smock n knock into you. They don’t need to apologise. You are at THEIR mercy. They can’t mouth off to u, n that’s fine. Its selfish. Its delusional. It’s vile.

Also, mental and physical health issues run thick in the family. Aside from that, I’m just barely making it meself. I have tried to keep jobs, and ptsd n anxiety (as well as other issues) have led to me quitting or being fired. I’ve applied for well paying jobs, got me degrees, n don’t even get looked at - unless it’s a scam. I don’t even have my own place. The struggle is so real, i rebt a room.

In fact, the therapist and shrink seem to think that me ptsd doesbt affect it, just bdcause to them i can live in roomd. The thing they dont realise is that its either a room, or im homeless. I dont have a choice. Thus doesnt mean that its not without issue. I have to internalise a lot, since no one either acknowkedges the issues, or dont really care. Or both. And when youre in such a position, u put urself more at risk of neing kicked out. Its a battle of ‘whats the bigger evil?’ I often battle depression over frustration in private. The internalising also leads to depression. Tbe everyday stress of cohabitation add more triggers. It literally feeks like im at war, trying to durvive every day. N wbrn a hoysemate has a paramour over, the intense lsnic attacks strike. These r quickly exhuasting.

With all that being said, being childless, and being around cats makes things slightly better. Cats are soft, delicate. They allow me to experience a temporary patience I’m unable to have with people. They make sweet sounds, they cuddle with me, they look at me with soft, sweet faces. They don’t talk back, they don’t insult or abuse you.

Nah, I’ll never regret being a childless cat lady. I’m doing society a favour.

[desultory-suggestions]

just asking for advice, you're not forced to answer ofc

i struggle a lot with motivation, when i force myself to do things, it just doesn't feel right, and i feel so guilty about it, things like going to school or even brushing my teeth, it's all pointless and physically exhausting

idk if i'm just lazy or smt

anyway, any tips for folks with low motivation?

Hello, love! Thank you for your patience. Motivation is such a common struggle. I use some unconventional study and motivation tactics personally, as someone with ADHD and Dyslexia I have to get through a lot of nonsense to do basic things. First, you are not lazy! The idea today of laziness is very frustrating to me, and I feel is built on capitalist (and white supremacist) ideals. See the NAP Ministry.

According to The (USA) National Library of Medicine, "Executive dysfunction is commonly seen in major depression. The types of executive deficits seen in depression include problems with planning, initiating, and completing goal-directed activities." Anyone struggling with depression, whether an episode or long-term can struggle with these basic tasks. So how can we deal with this?

Some different techniques that may help:

Talk through the tasks you need to do out loud. You can discuss them in linear order or not. Don't focus on making them perfect and detailed, just explain it like you would to a friend.

Explain what you are doing as if someone is watching you/you're teaching someone. This is how I motivate myself when studying/working out/etc. and shows you that you do know what you are doing.

Break tasks down into smaller pieces to help them be more manageable, or simplify the ones that seem too complicated. (For this I need to do x, then y, then z. I don't need to overthink brushing my teeth, it's okay to just go do it.

Ask someone to be your accountability buddy. Body doubling/parallel play can be very useful. I ask my partner to brush his teeth with me so I have someone else there.

Accept that you don't need to do 100% of everything. You can't brush, floss, and use mouthwash? Okay brush for even just thirty seconds, it's better than nothing!

Utilize tools, but don't try to make it fancy. Aesthetics can be helpful and motivating, they can also apply pressure to make everything look good. Google Calendar or a messy notebook is good enough.

Surrounds tasks with cushioning time to relax. Even for little tasks, you can promise yourself rest before and after. Likewise, do enjoyable things during arduous tasks. Watch a silly video, playa. song!

Consider what the biggest obstacle is. Does it feel pointless? Do you want to do it? If not, why not? How can you change what is making you avoidant? If you do want to, what feels like it's stopping you? A specific fear? Or an impenetrable wall? These questions help define the next steps.

Accept you cannot do everything, especially not when you are suffering. You deserve help and it's okay to ask for it. Professional help is important when conquering issues with motivation whether from depression, ADHD, etc. Medications, therapy, and more can improve your mood.

Some tools I use:

Brushout - An app to help you brush your teeth for the right amount of time. Simple, and makes a nice dinging sound. Can be added as a widget to your home screen on iPhones.

Google Calendar - Also simple. Easy to click and add events and get reminders for things creeping up on you.

Mnemosyne Notebook - Ok the brand doesn't matter but the paper in this is so smooth and it makes me want to use it. But yes a notebook to organize thoughts.

Little Treats - I like to keep little snacks and treats around for working on things I have been struggling with. You don't have to wait until after, let yourself fuse joy with your efforts.

You do not need to be ashamed for struggling. No matter the reason or the manner, we all go through difficult things. Reach out, and don't give up. Feel free to ask for more information or advice again.

Best,

Evan

[obey-me-headquarters]

OK. So. Knowing I'm a dom I don't really like sub reader. Not from any like, moral stand point, just from a "this is not For Me" stand point. Which is why I don't really engage with it a lot, but some times I do read a few sub!reader fics either because the writer is so good I'm willing to read something I usually don't like, or because they didn't tag their fic correctly and if I already start a fic why not finish it? Or because they did label it correctly and I'm just a dumbass that didn't notice the tag.

Anyway, so some times I read a sub!reader fic. And it's kind of weird, because I feel certain emotions that the author absolutely did not intend for the reader to feel, and I can't help but wonder who sub readers feel when they read dom!reader content.

OK so for example. Some times when I read sub!reader content I get a little... angry? Is that the right word? Like offended that someone would treat me that way. Like hello sir, I am not a slut! You shut ya mouth! I guess there's also there's preceded ignoring of consent. Because like, *I'm* a dom, and the pronouns used in x reader fics are you/yourself, so when a character is being all dommy, shoving the reader against walls and ripping there clothing off, I'm like "Wait no cut that out I wouldn't let someone do that to me".

Which I know isn't what the author is trying to convey! They're not trying to write something rapey, when you go into a sub!reader fic you're only in with the knowledge you're giving up that control for a dom to take. Listen I'm not trying to kinkshame lol, doms need subs to well, dom lol. I just wanted to explain my feelings to those who are curious what a dom might feel feel while reading a sub!reader fic.

So I gotta ask, because the curiosity has been eating me alive, how do subs feel when they read dom!reader fics? Like, I can see for a dom there's the preceded lack of consent, because dom/sub relationships are about control, and having that control taken away from you when you're a dom would feel Not Good.

Is it a "oh no, we're both bottoms" situation? Is it frustrating because you want them to get up and fuck you up? Is it a "wow, I would never ever do this to another person" sort of thing?

(Oh, any doms out there can add there two cents about sub!reader stuff too. I'm really interested about other folks opinions on this!)

[thescreaminghat]

another post about viktor because WE LOVE HIM:

Ok ok I know I poured my heart out in praise of Viktor’s characterization so far in Arcane in this post, but I want to add something more to how I’m interpreting everything he’s done so far:

We already know from our scenes with Vi and the gang, and Vander’s extremely difficult position as the “dealmaker” in the ongoing political tensions between Piltover and Zaun, that Zaun is literally walking on eggshells. Anything that its people do can be used as an excuse for the Enforcers to raid Zaun and use brutal violence, even the actions of four children. It doesn’t matter to Piltover that these are starving kids who have never even, well, had clean air, that these are kids who are resorting to theft because they’re hungry and frustrated and literally being beaten in the streets, because all Piltover needs are scapegoats to maintain its idea of order and progress. We can see how the Council treats Jayce, someone with a name and ingenuity (and backing by Heimerdinger), when he steps out of line as a student and defends his work---he’s expelled from the Academy, turned away by his patrons, and almost kills himself out of desperation. So I think it’s very ideologically important for Viktor to wholeheartedly support Jayce. 

Viktor is still from Zaun, and even if he started out as Heimerdinger’s assistant (i.e. in a relatively privileged position for a student coming from Zaun), I feel like his dialogue on how he was “just a poor cripple from the undercity” before coming to Piltover, and how he needed to believe in himself to move forward, reveals just how aware he is of carrying that stigma for being a Zaunite even into the Academy. Now, I may be reading a bit more into this than Arcane will actually show, but this sense of isolation and implicit understanding that his actions will be unfairly taken to reflect the actions of all Zaunites---as seen in Vi’s and Powder’s case---if he does anything wrong, gives a lot more weight to his act of saving Jayce’s notebook, saving Jayce from suicide, and encouraging him to keep going. 

It’s a sort of middle finger to the establishment, made up of rich folk who indulge in punishing things that don’t conform to the gilded image of Piltover---Viktor sees value in Jayce for the way that he passionately defends science and his research, as opposed to how the Council sees Jayce as reflecting poorly on the patronage provided by the upper classes. Viktor risks exile from the life he’s worked to achieve (or worse) just to sneak into Heimer’s lab to help Jayce---like every Zaunite, he is someone who was hemmed in by the arbitrary rules of a ruling class just for being alive, and for him to push the limits of what people can accomplish for genuine human progress under Piltover’s reactionary eye just, oh my god, makes him the best boi.  

[fluffywolverine]

so season 6 of lucifer came out.

there were some things that i liked, but generally i hated it. i believe that was SUCH. BAD. WRITING and it left me frustrated. so i decided to write down all things that pissed me off and sometimes i try to fix this by giving other ideas that – in my opinion – would have made the story better. Check my points out and feel free to add your points of view. without further ado: let’s talk.

- imma start with the big one – fucking time travel. ok I generally hate this trope in the media, because it’s complicated and often leads to some logical mistakes – and they happened here. so rory time travels because of her anger which was caused… by her anger?? i think this was unnecessary. it also brings trouble with this whole free will vs. fate discourse. lucifer says, that he chooses free will… but at the same time he goes the path of his fate. he disappears from rory’s life, because he HAS TO in order of the events of the season to happen. just because he chose to do it, doesn’t mean it’s free will.

- lucifer becomes the very thing he desperately didn’t want to become. “bUt It WaS fOr ThE gReAtEr GoOd” screw this bullshit, if writers wanted to make it better, they could have easily do so. they could have altered the rules of time travel so that his choice of staying could have resulted in rory disappearing. yes, that would have been heart-breaking, but it would have been a great lesson for lucifer, that he can’t make the same mistakes his father did.

- chloe and Lucifer get a child without even talking about it. “bUt MaYbE tHeY tAlKeD aBoUt It We JuSt DiDn’T sEe It” you may say. but the point of writing anything  - whether it’s a book or a script – is to show any thing that matters. and talking about having kids is one of the most things any couple should do. also not every couple needs to have kids and forcing deckerstar to have it feels so far-fetched. this thread was very unnecessary.

- rory herself is a big problem. to begin with – she wanted to KILL her FATHER. i get her frustration, but commiting a murder?? just because he wasn’t there for her?? I would have thought that chloe taught her better, taught her that, like, killing people is bad. turns out she did not. secondly… she just isn’t necessary here. i elaborate later so in conclusion – her thread could be altered with michael’s and it would have made much more sense. i also don’t like the actress (why was she blinking so much??) so i certainly didn’t help.

- of course ella has to end up with a boyfriend. because earlier she always ended up with “bad boys” and now, without any help, she is just able to have a healthy relationship! yay! for me this creates a toxic view, that in order to be happy one HAS TO be in a relationship, because being alone is aLwAyS bAd. well, it’s not.

- i also have troubles with lucifer starting up a foundation for her. firstly, he didn’t ask her. secondly it – AGAIN – shows, that anything good ella got, was because of another man. firstly because of her relationship with carol, secondly because of lucifer’s idea. it could have been so easily altered! there could have been a scene of a conversation e.g. with amenadiel where she expressed a will to do better and be better for someone (given that she sees a lot of dark in herself). amenadiel could have then told her, that she is an inspiration and that it is her biggest strength. that could have been where ella came up with an idea to start a foundation blah blah – it’s just a rough idea but I believe that written well, it could have been so much better;

- and the last thing about ella – of course she had to find out about celestial stuff because sHe WaS tHe OnLy OnE rEmAiNiNg. umm what about trixie? i'll come back to her later. ella was portrayed as the only one believing in god and having her seeing that he really exists ruins the concept of faith. it’s not about knowing something exists, it’s about believing in it.

- WHERE THE FUCK IS MICHAEL. i must admit that i loved this character AND I CAN’T STAND HOW AWFULLY HE WAS TREATED HERE. so at the end of season 5 lucifer says “everyone deserves a second chance, even you michael". and what does he do then? COMMANDS HIS TWIN TO CLEAR THE FLOOR IN HELL. yes, i agree that michael should have been punished for his rebellion plan, but… he already has his wing cut off. now he’s stuck in hell, with no way out and is he supposed to learn his lesson? this is cruel. instead of this the entire season could have been centred on him – his journey to self-acceptance, learning how manipulating someone is toxic and starting to realise how to be a better person. at the end he could have become god (because amenadiel is such an obvious choice), which would create a beautiful connection – michael in heaven and his twin in hell.

- lucifer doesn’t feel like being god and that’s cool. damn. people died for him to win this place and he’s like “actually you know guys i’m not the right person bye”. while i believe that anyone should step out if they have a reason, but at the same time lucifer should have faced any consequences of his decisions. falling frog and kool aid in the river are not enough.

- adam’s plot feels just quickly sketched, not actually written. i really appreciate this take on toxic masculinity but it all felt too fast-paced. it’s good that they show this idea of “strong and not-showing-any-feelings man” kind of attitude, but it is impossible for ANYONE (especially The ManTM) to change their mind in a matter of a few days. it takes weeks, months, years even, especially given that adam is like a gazillion years old, he should have especially taken a long time to process this.

- carol is just too pure to exist. he’s also one of the most boring, plain and one-dimensional character i’ve ever seen. i feel like they gave him a problem with alcohol because the writers were like “hmmmmm he has to have some weakness. LET’S MAKE HIM AN ALCOHOLIC”. we don’t see any signs of his everyday struggle, why did he fell into this problem, how did struggle. it just feels like a dull plot device to show that he has flaws. oh and also he’s so pure that he doesn’t mind ella BREAKING INTO HIS HOUSE. acceptance should have boundaries and violating someone’s personal space isn’t right.

- why did they forget about trixie again? yes, i know that scarlett estevez had another project but this does not justify the bad writing. the girl lost her father and we only see her crying once because of that. no signs of this affecting her everyday life, not showing any consequences of her relationships with other people, not  glimpse of any change in her behaviour. oh and also she loses lucifer too because time travel! great idea, writers! losing another close to her person would have been soooooo good for her psychic for sure.

- i also hate the idea that suddenly rory becomes the only child they care for. where is trixie when they spend their day on the beach? where is she when her mother dies? did writers forget about her as well as they did about michael?

- amenadiel being a police officer is… problematic. i was looking forward to this thread, i was kinda scared too and it turned out… meh. i’m white and not American, so this of course does not involve me at all, but i felt like this was not enough. harris basically said that there is nothing they can do to make it better for black folks. even though chloe and amenadiel want to make everything more just, we don’t actually see any change. the only thing is that harris becomes a detective (right? i’m not sure if i understood it correctly, so correct me if i’m wrong, please) which is a total contradiction of what she said before. suddenly she does not have to protect people anymore?

- in season 5 they stated that heaven and hell need to be fixed, as the system is unfair and unjust. at the end we don’t see any change, the only thing that is different is lucifer helping damned souls. it doesn’t help at all! these people still go to hell, they still suffer and there’s nothing that changed here! plus there is also this thing, that a sociopath who murdered people in cold blood goes to heaven (because he does not feel any guilt) and a person abused by her parents/partner/whoever goes to hell (because have been manipulated to feel guilt).

- dan making amends with trixie while… there wasn’t really anything to make amends about. like, most of the parents make mistakes while upbringing their children, but does this make them unworthy of heaven? i would have preferred dan to slowly regain his self-consciousness, how he positively affected the lives of people around him and by doing so – through conversations or maybe reliving some of the memories, he could have proved to himself that he is worthy of love and redemption.

phew, what a ride. i really liked dan being reunited with charlotte (it went just as i imagined) and mazeve dynamics. i even felt like they are finally a real life relationship – with people hurting each other by not understanding each other, but then talking and seeing other’s perspective. generally though, i’m very disappointed.

sorry for any mistakes, lacking commas etc. writing a text this long in not my native language was not easy.

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Thoughts on The Buddie Talk from 502

Other folks have looked at this conversation, but I wanted to get on my bullshit about it too. LOL.

So imho this whole conversation is about love and heart, specifically Eddie’s but with Buck’s heart added in. Line by line analysis and commentary. Let the BS begin. Here we go…

Buck: Hey are you sleeping, or just pretending?

Day and night/light and dark are strong themes throughout the episode. @benka79 did a meta on this theme. I think that by extension, awake vs asleep is meaningful in this scene. In matters of the heart, Eddie is trying to sleep or turn a blind eye, doing what he thinks is best for Chris rather than himself. This is exactly what Carla warned him against. But he knows. He knows that Carla is right but he’s ignoring her and trying to ignore Buck. He’s only pretending to be in the dark about his heart and his desires, at least to a degree.

Eddie: I was actually trying to until you interrupted.

Enter Buck, shaking shit up. Interrupting Eddie’s well-intentioned lie. Eddie knows there’s more than meets the eye and Buck is forcing him to open his eyes, wake up and see what’s really going on and reckon with himself and his true desires.

Buck: I’m exhausted. Uh, how are you feeling?

This line has been rattling around in my brain for what feels like a thousand years. Buck is NOT asleep, he’s not able to turn a blind eye. And being the only one willing to look directly at matters of the heart is wearing him out. Dude’s exhausted! He SEES that something is up with Eddie’s heart and he wants Eddie to tell him all about it.

Eddie: Hot. I’m sweating out of places I didn’t know I could.

During the blackout, AC isn’t working so everyone is sweating. Buck even has a thin layer of sweat in the scene. Sweating from the heat is normal and completely reasonable, but is that what’s being invoked here? We know that sweating is also a symptom of health issues (panic and heart problems not the least among them, and definitely symbolically relevant here). Eddie looks like he’s sweating for normal reasons but in the next line Buck questions that.

Buck: No uh like a cold sweat though, right? Uh, any chest pains?

Again, Buck is wide awake. He KNOWS something is wrong with Eddie’s heart/feelings and that Eddie is hiding it from him. He jumps to cold sweats, the kind that are most connected to health problems and are not about the actual temperature in the room. Then follows up with asking about chest pains. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Buck is paralleled with the cardiologist. She’s about Eddie’s literal heart but Eddie’s figurative heart is in Buck’s hands and Buck’s hands only. And my dude is assertively assessing the situation.

Eddie: You don’t give up, do you? I’m fine, Buck.

Good ol’ Eddie, perfecting his avoidance and denial game. But he knows Buck. He does NOT ever give up and he especially doesn’t give up on the people he loves. Eddie recognized this and thanked Buck for it in 303. Buck didn’t give up on Christopher during the tsunami, or on Eddie in Eddie Begins or in Survivors. But that was about Chris and Eddie’s life. This scene in 502 is new in a way. Buck is refusing to give up on Eddie’s heart, his feelings. Now Buck is fighting for Eddie’s quality of life, for his happiness.

Buck: People who are fine don’t go and see cardiologists. You need to tell me if something is wrong.

Buck was so worried about Eddie in 501. Of course Eddie denied that anything was wrong but Buck isn’t stupid. In 501 he asked about the situation clearly and openly because he cares about Eddie and wants to help in any way he can, and Eddie pushed him away. So here in 502 he implicitly invokes the Will. He’s like fine if you won’t tell me as your friend who gives a shit about you, then tell me for Chris’s sake because thanks to the will, I actually fucking need to know if you’re going to drop dead.

Eddie: Alright, it was a panic attack, not a heart attack. A panic attack.

Eddie’s frustrated confession was solid gold. It laid my edges and raised my credit score. He knows that Buck’s persistence is harmless and comes from a genuine place of respect and care. Still, that doesn’t make it any less annoying for a man who’s trying to sleep, pretending his own heart isn’t breaking under the weight of his sense of duty to his son.

Buck: Since when do you panic?

My God, he knows him so well.

Eddie: That’s what I said. I don’t panic. Except I did.

Eddie accepting that this was absolutely a panic attack was huge. Before he had been pushing against the reality of it, but here in Buck’s loving care he could be honest with himself and with Buck that it was indeed panic.

Buck: Ok, well, what triggered it? I mean you did just get shot and almost killed by a sniper. I guess that could be considered an anxiety inducing-

Buck’s in full “cardiologist” mode. He’s paying forward all those years of therapy! What he’s doing here isn’t a replacement for my dude getting some real therapy but here’s Buck with his clipboard efficiently helping Eddie figure his emotional shit out. It’s perfection. It’s also good that he acknowledged the shooting. I think it’s super important that when Buck mentions it, he looks down and away from Eddie.

Buck, my dude, you are not over being covered in the blood of the love of your life. You can still feel his weight in your hands, muscle memory from lifting him above the spray of gasoline and bullets. Eddie may still be asleep on that front but, Buck, you are wide awake and exhausted by the heavy love you’re carrying.

Eddie: That wasn’t it. Ok, if I’m being honest with myself, I think it was Ana.

Oh this is fun. So you are capable of being real, you just choose not to be. Good to know.

Buck: Uh, I thought things were great with her.

Stop. Lying. You saw Eddie get squirrely when talking about the Christening. You saw Eddie get awkward af when A*a and Christopher came to the firehouse. You’ve seen these issues with your own eyeballs. Great? Really? Yeah, this just makes me think muh boy is oblivious and/or he really was expecting Eddie to come clean about issues related to the shooting, not his love life. This reiterates my point that Buck himself is not nearly done with processing the shooting.

Eddie: She’s been a godsend through all this - staying with Christopher - but I think that’s what’s causing the panic. Somehow it become a ready-made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

This portion of the conversation has been analyzed to bits by many brilliant others. I don’t have anything to add. I’m like, look dude, you already have a family with Buck and Christopher. A*a’s effin’ up your happy healthy family flow. It’s ok, just turn her loose.

Buck: So what are you gonna do?

Buck’s wisdom grows every frickin’ day. He knows this isn’t sustainable for Eddie. He knows that the heart matters. He knows that feelings are real and help us navigate toward a happy life. Action is needed and he’s nudging Eddie in that direction.

Eddie: I think I’m just gonna stick it out. Ana’s been the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon.

Oh dear, Eddie’s overblown sense of duty to everyone but himself strikes again. He can…tolerate… A*a. How romantic!

Buck: Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with.

Um, no. Buck calls shenanigans. He’s not A*a’s bestie but he doesn’t feel any desire whatsoever to have her condemned to a loveless relationship.

Eddie: My kid loves her!

Always putting Christopher first but not realizing that if he isn’t truly happy, Christopher will know because he’s perceptive af. Plus the two haven’t discussed A*a on screen so I’m not convinced Chris loves her as much as Eddie wants to believe.

Buck: Is that enough? Eddie I have been Ana. I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who is not all the way in. Deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth, so if you don’t want to hurt Ana, you owe it to her to be honest.

Buck is doing A LOT of work here to help Eddie see that his plan of inaction is not good. He centers Eddie asking him if staying for Chris is enough. When that doesn’t work, he realizes that Eddie doesn’t care about his own heart enough to leave so he changes strategies and puts himself in A*a’s place to invoke some empathy for A*a from Eddie. It’s super…interesting that Eddie doesn’t care enough for A*a to come to this conclusion on his own!!

Eddie: You know it just feels like a lot man.

Why, my dude?? Explain. Could it be that A*a is serving a purpose beyond Chris? Could it be that staying with her helps you avoid, allows you to pretend and be oblivious to deeper truths within your battered but still beating heart? Does she obscure the Buck shaped hole in your ticker?

Buck: Well, go to sleep. You don’t need to decide right now. It’s not like we’re going home anytime soon.

Buck is disappointed, exhausted, and frustrated and it has my dude slinging shade like morning hash. He’s like fine turn a blind eye, ignore your heart it’s cool *all the sarcasm* Then we get the reference to home and the fact that the two of them are far from it at this point and we all know how important home is as a Buddie theme. I wrote a little about it here.

Bonus: Eddie closed his eyes after Buck walked away, the he OPENED them again. He fully saw what Buck was saying. He can’t avoid the truth of his heart for much longer.

Y’all this has GOT to be the season that one or both of these idiots realize their feelings. Excuse me while I end.

[thedistantdusk]

Arcadia, Chapter 4

Well! What could happen next to our star-crossed investigative pair? Yeah idk, man... somehow, this fic got a lot darker than I intended. Anyway! Thanks again to the same folks, without whom this story wouldn’t be possible. None of this story is safe for work, and this chapter is no exception ;) 

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

D A Y + F O U R

She’s not sure when she wakes up. Her eyes blink open in the bleary morning… that foggy gap between night and day. Blue-green light streams through the windows, coloring the bedroom like it’s underwater.

He’s the first thing she notices, all warm and curled beside her. Harry… her Harry. A sad smile graces her lips as it all comes flooding back. Mike. The tulpa. The shower. Harry…

But together, all of those things are uncomfortable. Bits of it were nice, but the whole thing makes her stomach churn. It’s much easier to—

She presses her bum against him, hoping that wakes him up. Hoping he takes the hint. Harry heaves a deep breath, but doesn’t acknowledge her. Ginny bites her lip and wiggles back. Again.

Finally, he responds. But not how she’d hoped.

“Let’s… not jump to starting that up again,” Harry murmurs into her ear, his voice graveled with sleep. “Ok?”

She whips around, brow furrowed. “So you’ve suddenly become unattracted to—?”

He barks out a humorless laugh and reaches for his glasses. “We both know that’ll never happen.” He takes her in, reclining on the tufted headboard; she can’t help but feel flattered by the red patches that bloom on his cheeks. “Erm…” He clears his throat. “Could you get a dressing gown, actually? I really want to have a serious conversation and…”

He’s never been able to concentrate while she’s naked, has he?

“Sure.” For some reason, her skin prickles as she rises to her feet to pad across the carpet. Exposed. She feels exposed, even though Harry’s probably seen her naked more times than she has. Because this time, it’s not so much that he’s seeing her body naked— it’s that he’s about to discuss things she’s tried very, very hard to deny.

Ginny emerges from the closet in a white dressing gown and gives Harry a little twirl. “Happy?”

His lips curl in a tired smile. “Not… exactly. But I’m hoping to change that.”

“Oh?” Ginny settles in the desk chair. She’s not keen on this conversation, but some part of her recognizes it’s long overdue.

Harry begins by clearing his throat again. “So. Erm.” He places his fingers in a steeple and studies them. “As I… admitted last night, I’ve never stopped loving you. It’s been an awful, awful five years, but frankly it would’ve been worse if we’d stayed together, under those circumstances.”

She opens her mouth to object, but he raises a hand to forestall an interruption.

“Let… let me finish. Because after Percy died...” He shoots her a significant look. “You changed. Ok?”

“That’s not exactly fair,” she snaps, peering at her painted toenails. “Of fucking course I changed. If I didn’t change, I’d be a bloody sociopath. Is that who you wanted to shag?”

Harry heaves a deep sigh. “No. And I’m not going to let you get away with twisting things… again. Ok? Please, just let me finish.”

She presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth. For fuck’s sake, why does she already want to cry?

“You changed,” Harry continues, “and I really don’t blame you for it, but you refused to talk about Percy, or that night, or- or honestly, even anything remotely sad! Ever!” He pauses to collect his thoughts; guilt stabs at Ginny’s stomach. She wasn’t aware this frustrated him quite so much…

“You threw yourself into schoolwork,” he adds, blinking at the far wall. “You lost interest in things you loved. We still had sex, but it was…” He winces. “Unattached. It was… it was like it didn’t even need to be me there, in particular.” His eyes flit back to hers. “I tried to talk to you about it loads of times, but then when you joined the Unspeakables, you just used that as an excuse.”

Traitorous tears drip down her cheeks. She brushes them away to defend herself. “I was already interested in joining up before that,” Ginny insists, her voice warbling. “You weren’t there that year, Harry. You didn’t see what it was like at Hogwarts. The Unspeakables were putting out all this… this rubbish misinformation about you and about muggleborns, and—”

“—All of that is well and good,” Harry interrupts, “but the fact is that you became a different person after Percy died, and after nearly a year of living with that, I’d had enough.” He shrugs. “And even five years later, you’ve never sought help, as far as I know. Professional help, from someone who knows what they’re talking about. Not the type of help you find at the bottom of a pint.”

He’s right, of course. It’s like a stinging slap in the face, but he’s bloody right.

“So!” Harry clears his throat again. “As much as I… enjoyed last night, that can’t happen again if we don’t fix what split us up before. You’re still convinced you killed Percy. Until you’re not? This”— he gestures between them— “can’t work. Full stop.”

Ginny swallows and stares into her lap. “I’m not responsible for my brother’s death,” she whispers, emotionless. It’s a mantra, an oath, one she’s so accustomed to repeating that it’s turned foreign and unfamiliar on her tongue.

“Oh, I’m aware,” Harry says, spreading his palms. “The whole bloody world is aware, Jenny.” He sucks his teeth. “But you aren’t.”

There’s a pause. Ginny bites her lip, tempted to launch the spring-loaded denial she’s learned through years of counseling. But this time, it doesn’t come.

Because Harry knows better.

Shit.

That fact settles in the pit of her stomach; what are the chances, really, that she found herself trapped and playing house with the only person on earth who knows better.

“I was the last to see him,” she mutters, eyes downcast. “I told him he’d never replace Fred. I was drunk. Stupid. Stupidly drunk.” She grips her head in her hands, but the words don’t stop. They’re shooting from her, spurred by years of grief and regret and bursting forth like a steam engine.

“My stupid fucking temper,” she continues, every syllable dripping with self-loathing. “Ruining everything. And then he goes and—” She makes a flailing gesture. “Offs himself. Right on my mother’s fucking birthday! The day before your parents—”

“I know,” Harry whispers, his voice pleading. “Ginny, I know. But please, love, it’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault.”

She can’t breathe. She can’t breathe. It’s too much to say it aloud, to admit it, to let the waves of regret wash over her. There’s a scuttling of movement as she blinks ahead, gaping like a fish out of water. She’s not even surprised to feel Harry wrapping his arms around her and bringing her back to the bed. To feel his lips pressing to her temple as her body wracks with sobs. And she can’t do anything but lean into him. She can’t do anything but surrender, completely. To indulge in feeling raw and vulnerable and alive.

She doesn’t know how long it takes to come to. It’s not until she’s clinging to his chest that she draws a deep breath.

“You never told me any of this,” Harry says softly, mournfully, his hand playing with her hair. He loves her hair. He’s always loved her hair. With a final sob, she admits— if only to herself— that she misses letting him love it. She misses how he’d bury his face in the crook of her neck. How he’d inhale deeply, right at the crown of her head, and blink down at her with a dreamy smile.

She misses him.

Fuck. She misses him. And not just shagging him… but the whole bit. The late-night snacks and discussions on quidditch plays and heated debates about the best brand of toilet roll.

“What… what if I agree to work on it?” she finally whispers, eyelashes thick with half-dried tears.

Harry sighs; his hands still haven’t left her hair. “If we both agree to work on it… because trust me, I’m not doing fantastic either.” He lets out a chuckle. “Do you know how weird that was, being the stable one for once? Anyway.” He waves this off and continues. “If we both work on it, with proper mind-healers…” He swallows. “I don’t see why we couldn't be physical. Eventually.”

She pulls back to give him a watery grin. “I love you,” she murmurs. For the first time in years, her chest feels full. Her heart warm. Like there’s a chance at something in the future that doesn’t involve work and sadness and takeaways.

But speaking of work.

“I’d erm. Like to keep things with us private,” she says, playing with a piece of lint on the duvet. “Especially from work. And my family. Because…”

The thought of Attica’s face, pinched in disappointment, is nearly enough to replace the progress they’ve made over the past day.

“No,” Harry agrees quickly. “That’s. Yeah. Especially from Ron.” He shudders. “Can you imagine how well that would go over?”

“Huh! That’s ridiculous, Harry.” She bats her eyes at him, her expression the picture of innocence. “You mean you don’t want my brother to know that you went down on me and promptly spunked your—”

He cuts her off with a laugh, tossing a pillow on her face. She pulls it off with a giggle before settling beside him.

“Didn’t think you noticed that,” he admits, trailing a finger down the side of her face. “I really hoped you were asleep.”

She stifles a yawn. “Mmm. Don’t have to be Hermione to put that one together. Clue one: you were down there, which you’ve always… enjoyed.” She sleepily raises her eyebrows. “Clue two, I’ve seen you do that before — more than once— and you always have this weird… sort of duck-walk to take your trousers off.”

Harry groans, his entire face the color of her hair. “Please, please, don’t stop on account of me.” He somehow manages a sarcastic drawl as he removes his glasses and places them on the bedside table. “Let’s continue to detail all the times I’ve finished too quickly.”

“Not just too quickly,” she corrects, kissing him on the nose. “I’m only talking about coming in your trousers, which you’ve also managed to do several ti—”

Harry snorts. “And how many times have you done it, then?” His green eyes dance with mischief. “Also more than once. As memory serves, our time at Hogwarts got a lot more interesting once you discovered the combination of my thigh and snogging. You just don’t have the equipment to make things particularly messy when—”

“Clue three!” she loudly calls over him. He has the grace to laugh as she turns so they're spooning, her bum pressed against his crotch.

“I… said I loved you,” she finishes, interlacing their fingers. “And that’s always… you know.”

Harry shudders; there’s a sudden rise of fabric against her bum. “Ok, speaking of embarrassing,” he admits, adjusting himself. “You’re actually going to have to erm. Stop saying that? For now? Because…”

“Trust me, Auror Potter,” she murmurs, dropping her voice to her best impression of Kingsley. “I haven’t forgotten.”

“Unfair,” he complains, toying with a piece of her hair. “As you can see, I’m a bit of a mess. It still turns me on when you say you love me.”

“Yeah, well, it still turns me on when you breathe,” she mutters, her eyes growing heavy. “Reckon we can just be messes together.”

Harry chuckles before burying his face into her hair. “I’ll always be your mess. Jenny.”

[krillin-fanfic]

Identity In Ink

Welp, I did a thing! Probably one of only two I’ll be able to do this month, but I DID IT! This one’s for the “Tattoo” prompt, and mostly 18-focused and a shortie, but it’s a concept I’ve discussed with people in the past: Basically, did Gero ever do anything to mark his creations, and if so, how would they deal with that. And this one just kinda flowed out. Feel free to show some love or leave feedback in the links too! FF.net link AO3 link Without further ado, here we go.

Sometimes, she couldn't help but let it bother her.

It was a small thing. Something hidden away, beneath clothing, able to be put out of sight, and thus out of mind. But since she'd moved here... since she'd spent more time with her husband on the beach... it was becoming harder to ignore.

"Hmm.." 18 stood in front of the bedroom mirror, her pajama shorts pulled down a bit as she gazed at her hip, fingers idly tracing the object of her discomfort. There, on her left hip, was a small tattoo of the Red Ribbon logo.

It really shouldn't have bothered her, she knew; she'd made her peace with that part of her life a couple of years ago, around the same time she'd finally allowed herself to accept she'd had feelings for her best friend. But still, it reminded her of a time when she hadn't been so free. Reminded her that everything she used to be had been stolen away from her. Reminded her of that twisted old man and his "experiments"...

"Hey babe, you ok?"

18 inhaled sharply and let go of the shorts, the elastic snapping back against her as she spun to face her questioner, her expression cool as ice. "Do I look like I'm in trouble, dear?"

Krillin frowned, tugging at the loose shirt that served as his pajama top. "Well... yes, honestly. You can fool a lot of other folks, 18, but I know when something's bothering you." He pointed at the mirror behind her. "Plus I kinda caught you staring at that for a while."

18 closed her icy blue eyes and exhaled sharply through her nose. "Picking up habits from the old man again, are we?"

"Hey now, come on," he protested. "You're my wife and the mother of my child, who is finally asleep, might I add. But I'm allowed to look in our bedroom."

18 crossed her arms and huffed. "Peeping tom."

Krillin laughed as he noticed the faintest hint of a smile on his wife's lips. "Okay, okay, my bad." He threw his hands up in mock despair. "Spare me, oh mighty goddess of Kame Island."

She opened one eye and peered at him. "Hmm... offer me tribute and I'll consider it."

Krillin took a step forward and stood on his tiptoes, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. "Is that better, mistress?"

18 felt her face flush. "N-no... not good enough." Her blush deepened as she felt his hand cup her cheek and bring her face to meet his, her heart skipping a beat as he began to place feather-soft kisses on her lips. She loved this feeling. It was almost enough to make her forget-

She broke off the kisses and sighed deeply again. "Okay... okay yeah, there is something that's been bothering me."

"Ahhh, I figured." He took her hand in his. "What's bugging you, hon? Is it that... mark again?"

She nodded. "Mhm. Just seems so dumb. I know that's not who I am, I know I'm more than that, but sometimes when I see it, it just reminds me of before. Back when I really thought I'd lost my humanity. When I thought it was too late."

Krillin frowned. "Babe, if it bothers you that much, we can try to do something about it." He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. "We can always see about getting it removed."

18 snorted. "Like we can afford that? Those procedures aren't cheap, you know. Besides, I doubt there are any places that do that who have a laser remotely strong enough to work on my skin."

Krillin shrugged. "Fair enough, I suppose." He rubbed his chin for a moment. "Have you considered covering it up with something else, then?"

18 rubbed her forehead. "Maybe... I dunno. I'm not sure what I'd put there even if I could, really." She sat silent for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. "I think... I think I'm gonna go check on Marron real quick." She gave her husband a pat on the head as she headed out the door. "Back in a sec."

She tiptoed across the hall to her daughter's room, the door now adorned with letters spelling out the little one's name, turning the knob as quietly as she could. She only opened it wide enough to slip in, and shut the door behind her; no sense risking her baby girl waking up when she could see just fine in the dark, after all. She took the final two steps to the crib nestled in the middle of the room and smiled.

There lay her baby girl, sound asleep. Her blonde curls splayed out on her pillow, her tiny fist balled up on her chubby little cheek, little noseless face the picture of angelic calm as her tiny chest rose and fell with each breath. 18 reached out and brushed her other cheek softly, and sighed with content.

Little Marron had only recently reached an age where they'd felt comfortable letting her have her own room, and even then it was reluctantly. But between needing a larger crib, and frankly no small amount of frustration, they'd decided it was time. Little Marron hadn't initially been a fan, being quite fussy the first few nights; her father had been as well, and 18 rather appreciated the irony of her husband wanting a return to their intimacy yet also being grumpy about not having Marron with them. She understood though. Marron was one of the only two people whose mere presence seemed to have a calming effect on her. She could be in the worst of moods, but the moment that baby girl cooed at her, it all seemed to drift away as she got lost in those big dark eyes.

18 rested her cheek on her arm as she watched her baby sleep. Her baby. The idea had felt so impossible not so long ago. She'd been sure, positive, that all the alterations to her body would have made her unable to conceive. Gero hadn't seemed the type to leave behind anything that didn't fit his uses, after all. And it's not as if she and Krillin had bothered with precautions for well over a year without consequence. 18 allowed herself an admittedly lecherous smirk at the memories.

But then, one day, it'd happened. The news had shocked both of them, and been a source of both happiness and fear for them as well. But the moment their little bundle of love had come into the world, all that fear seemed to vanish in an instant. She's been so very small, with her mother's soft blonde hair and her father's eyes and features. There was no doubt she was theirs, and Krillin opined that she was the physical manifestation of their love. She'd initially snorted derisively and called him sappy, but as she held their little bundle, she couldn't help but quietly agree.

The tiny form in front of her stretched and yawned, and her heart melted. She was so sweet and innocent... so much so that 18 could find it hard to believe she came from her. She'd been meant to be an assassin, a killer, but now all she wanted was to protect this little angel. 18 smiled and leaned down, placing a feather-soft kiss on her baby's head before quietly opening the door backing out into the hall, gently shutting it behind her.

"She really is amazing, huh?" 18 stiffened and turned to see Krillin leaning against their doorway, grinning.

"Amazing is an understatement. Sometimes I still can't believe that we... that I-"

Krillin straightened and stepped toward her, shushing her. "You best start believing it, 18. She's ours." He took her hand and kissed it softly and smiled as she sighed, contentedly. "You feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I suppose so," she said, wrapping her arms around him. "Feels kinda silly now, letting something like that get to me as much as it did."

He rubbed her back softly. "Nah, it's understandable hon, believe me. So... any ideas on what you might wanna cover that up with?"

18 glanced over at her daughter's door once more. She was her second chance, the ultimate proof of her humanity. The center of her world. Her eyes fell to the plaque on the door, taking in the letters of her daughter's name. 'M-A-R-R...'.

She smiled. "Yeah... I actually do."      ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once 18 had decided on her new design, Krillin had called up Bulma to see is she's had any ideas on how they could get this done; 18's skin was near-unbreakable, after all, and no normal needle was up to the task. Bulma had eagerly agreed to be of assistance and told them to come over the next day.

It had taken a moment for 18 to brace herself, going back into a sterile lab, laying down on a table, but the procedure had been shockingly swift, a matter of minutes, and it was over before she's realized. She handled it well, all things considered, though Krillin's hand was a bit sore by the time it was over. He smiled at her. "See? That wasn't too bad." He leaned over and gently pecked her nose. "I'm proud of you, babe."

18 nodded and hopped off the slab, walking over to the mirror to examine the new ink, as Krillin turned to speak to Bulma.

"Thanks for the assist, Bulma," Krillin said. "This really means a lot."

The blue-haired Capsule Corp heiress brushed her gloves off on her overalls and lifted her face shield. "Oh, no worries. I had a free day today, and I'd been meaning to test this puppy out." She patted the side of the machine. "I got a custom order from a dinosaur rancher asking for something capable of inking numbers into his livestock, but he never showed up with a test subject so I never got to see if it worked. Just a matter of coding in the design and letting the computer do its thing!"

Krillin blinked. "Wait, did you just use my wife as a guinea pig?"

The heiress chuckled and waved him off. "Don't think of it like that. I never would have offered to do this if I wasn't 100% sure it was safe."

"I gotta admit, I never knew there were dinosaur ranchers out there..."

"Oh... yeah." Bulma scratched her cheek. "I mean, there aren't anymore, but..."

He raised his eyebrows. Oh. I...oh."

"Yeeeeah." She laughed nervously. "Turns out there's probably a reason that profession isn't very common, huh?" She glanced over at 18. "So, whaddya think?"

18 gazed at the small tattoo in the mirror. The red ribbon had been altered to resemble a small red butterfly, and letters added in the same font to now read "MARRON". It was a minor change, but it suited her perfectly. Red Ribbon's mark had been a symbol of the humanity stolen from her; this would be a reminder of what had proven to her that they never had.

She felt Krillin's hand slip into hers and smiled, warmly.

"It's perfect."

[angstysebfan]

PR Stunt Gone Wrong - Chapter 26

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary: You are a fellow actress in the MCU, Bucky’s love interest. You met Seb during the CA: WS and you guys hit it off. Chemistry on and off the set, but never dated until after Infinity War. During filming of FATWS, the pandemic caused everything to shut down. Seb offered you to spend quarantine with him, but somewhere along the lines, things go wrong and Seb makes a PR decision.

A/N: I was going to to this in a Bucky story, but then I decided to keep it Seb. With everything going on with Seb over the last several months, I came up with this story in my head. Obviously a lot of this is made up, but it is using what we know Seb has been doing over the last several months.

The next morning you wake up to your cell phone ringing. You look at the Caller ID and see your manager’s name. You roll your eyes and ignore the call, but after a few seconds she calls again. “Hello?” you answer, making sure you sound annoyed. “I have been trying to reach you for weeks, where have you been?” your manager asks. “Busy,” was all you replied. 

“What is this that you and Sebastian went out for a lunch date yesterday? I thought you were done with him,” she says. “What the hell are you talking about? I had an appointment, and he asked if we could talk. We went to lunch and then went out separate ways,” you say. “Well the pictures that have just been posted online tell a whole different story,” she says.

You quickly got out your laptop and looked and sure enough there are pictures of you and Seb sitting at your table for lunch, shy smiles at each other, another of you two walking down the street, and another of you hugging. “What the hell? Whatever Seb and I know it’s not real,” you say, “Why do you care?” you ask, hoping to get the truth from her.

“I... I was just concerned,” she says. You roll your eyes, “Ok, well it doesn’t matter, since he is with her,” you say while quickly shooting a text to Seb. “Y/N, you have no idea of the ramifications this could have,” your manager says. Your eyebrows shoot up, “Oh? I actually think I might,” you say. There is silence, “What do you mean?” she asks. “Let’s just say I know more then people think, but not enough to mean anything. But I have to go and call Chase to make sure he knows what is going on, bye,” you say before hanging up. You hope that you opening your mouth doesn’t hurt the case.

Seb calls you and you quickly pick up, “Seb, I was so stupid, I might have let it slip to my manager that I have an idea of how bad this could get,” you say. “Damn, ok. I’ll my lawyer and see what he says. I hope this doesn’t ruin anything,” he says. “I know I was just so upset that it slipped out,” you say apologetically. “It’s ok Y/N. I understand, but Ale is fuming about the pictures,” he says.

“Who the fuck cares! She is a bitch who put you into this situation,” you say. He sighs, “I know, but this is going to make it difficult to go out to the lawyers without her. I can’t have her find out what’s going on, it will ruin everything,” he says. “Um.. what if I put out a statement, saying we were burying the hatchet between us, and I was giving my blessing to your relationship,” you say.

“Y/N, fans already hate me, do you really want them to come after you? I don’t,” he says. “I wont let you sacrifice yourself for me,” he adds. “So what do we do?” you ask as you hear a beep indicating its your call waiting. You look and see Chase’s name, “Seb I’ll call you back,” you say before hanging up and answering Chase’s call.

“Hey Chase, I was just about to call you,” you say. “So when you said you needed space to think and decide, was that just from me?” he asks. You sigh defeated, “Chase I swear I... We went to the lawyers and he asked me to have lunch to talk. That was it. I wanted to get it over with so that I could just be alone with think,” you say. There is silence on the other end.

“Chase, I swear, it didn’t mean anything. All we did was talk about the case. I am currently packed up to go down to my shore house and think,” you say. “Y/N, who are we kidding here? We both know he is the one you want,” Chase says. “Chase, I meant it when I said that I had feelings for you. I... I don’t know if I am going to be with Seb. I don’t know if I can trust him with my heart again,” you say.

“He loves you. He tells me all the time, and not to rub it in my face. He honestly loves you, and he regrets everything that happened. I can’t stand in the way of my friends happiness,” he says. “Chase...” you say as tears come to your eyes. “Y/N, I care about you, you know I do. And it’s because I care about you, that I am taking myself out of the equation,” he says. 

“Who says I want you out of the equation? Why don’t I ever get a say in anything?! Seb makes decisions for me and breaks my heart, and now you are making a decision for me, and again breaking my heart. Why can’t I make my own decisions just once,” you say crying. “I don’t want to break your heart, I am just protecting all of us,” he says.

“Well, fine job you’re doing, because my heart is once again broken. Goodbye Chase,” you say before hanging up. You cover your face and just cry in a mix of frustration and sadness. You knew what Chase was doing, but you were considering being with him. Now you don’t know what to do. You finish packing and get dressed before heading out. Separation from the world is exactly what you need.

--

You sit at the top of the beach and the cool breeze blows your hair everywhere. Tucker is running every which way, enjoying his time playing in the sand. When you left your apartment, you went to your mom’s and picked up Tucker and came down to your beach house on the Jersey Shore. You turned off your cell phone and have kept your computer closed. You needed time. Time to think. Time to heal. Time to come to terms with where your life is.

You sit there and think of how different everything was compared to how you thought it would be. And the one thing that made you the angriest, was that all these terrible things were a result of other people deciding what was right for you. Deciding to protect you from harm, instead of letting you be involved and working together.

While you knew why Sebastian did what he did, you still don’t know if you will ever be able to fully forgive him and trust him. He broke your heart into a mission pieces, and you have had a hell of a time gluing it back together. You know he is unhappy, and that he doesn’t want to be in this situation, but because he tried to protect you, he broke you. It just shows good intentions are not always good.

Then there is Chase. The man who has been by your side and actually helped you get your life together. He was there through your own personal hell, making sure you knew you were not alone. You were stupid to allow the relationship to go as far as it did, because once again, to “protect” you, he broke your heart. Both men that you gave your heart to, broke your heart. Maybe you are meant to be alone. 

--

Seb paces in his office trying again and again to reach you. You were supposed to call him back, and you never did. He spoke with Chase and found out what happened, and knows you are hiding somewhere. He has so many things he needs to tell you. 

He spoke to his lawyer about the pap pictures. Turns out Ale had him followed by paps, knowing he was hiding something. He kicked her out of his apartment and told CAA that he was done. They started threatening your career, but he refuses to allow them to hurt him or you. His lawyer told him that the case is going to trial, and that he has every reason to believe they will win. Thankfully because you have given sworn statements, neither you nor him have to go to court, unless something comes up.

Seb keeps pacing, thinking about where you could be. He went to your apartment, but you aren’t there. He called your mom, but she didn’t want to talk to him, not that he blames her. Where could you have gone? Are you in the city? Are you safe? He keeps pacing until it finally hits him. He knows where you are. He quickly throws clothes in a bag and runs out of the apartment, calling for an Uber. 

It takes almost 2 hours to finally reach his destination. He runs up to the house and knocks, but there is no answer. He runs around to the backyard, but no sign of you. He sits there thinking he got it wrong, when an idea hits him. He throws his bag on the porch and runs the block to the beach. As he comes to the small board walk he sees you sitting on the dune at the top of the beach. He walks down the boardwalk until he comes upon you.

You see something in your peripheral vision and turn to see Sebastian standing there. “Sebastian? What are you doing here?” you ask. He stands there panting, “I... I needed to make sure you were ok. I was worried,” he says.

You look at him and give him a small smile. You pat the sand next to you and he sits. You both look out over the beach and the ocean. You try and calm your pounding heart as you look over the horizon. He came for you. He came... for you.

--

Chapter 25 / Chapter 27

This does not mean they are getting back together so don’t hate on me. But we are almost to the end folks. This is not the end of Chase either. A decision will be made. Feedback is appreciated.

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[dndaddyissues]

Hi there! My friends and I just started playing DnD and we want to play a second campaign (our current DM is not available a lot) but none of us have any DM experience (and we've all only done one campaign, our current one). Do you have any tips/resources on how to start DM'ing? I really don't know where to look/start😅 thanks already for replying! Love all the memes on your blog haha

hello! yes! i’ve answered similar asks here, here, and here, but i’ll also add onto those lists with these quick tips/reiterations:

- run a session 0. since you’re all friends already, you probably know each other pretty well, which is fantastic. but it never hurts to gauge what players want out of their dnd experience. do they wanna kill shit? do they want a politically intricate world? how about hot NPCs to romance? how about a post-apocalyptic setting overrun with monsters? meet your players where they’re at – some will have a deeper and more concrete understanding of what they desire, while others will likely just shrug and say “idk, i just wanna tell a story with friends.” both are fine. take notes during your session 0, and use it to design a campaign around your players’ “wish list.” you can also run character creation during this session 0, during which you should decide if your players all know each other already, if they’re just meeting for the first time, or a combination thereof. finally, a session 0 can be used to determine meeting frequency, scheduling logistics, and “squicks” – topics players want to avoid in the campaign. you can also introduce a “campaign menu” to your players during session 0, so your players can pick their favorite plot hook from it and you can plan your first session based on the characters they make surrounding the hook. easy peasy breezy beautiful  covergirl.

- control the pace. as the DM, you control the speed, tone, and pace of the story. if players are just sitting around, confused and unsure of what to do, throw an encounter at them. combat, roleplay, exploration, any of those things, all of those things. anything to move the story along. if your players take forever to get to the plot hook, bring the plot hook to them. if your players decide to split up, generate quick cuts between scenes so we don’t spend too much or too little time on one person. if your players are confused about a rule, you can spend 5-10 minutes looking it up and delaying gameplay – or you make an executive decision on the spot. just be sure to make it clear to your players that this is a quick ruling to move the story along, and that you will look up (and implement, if you want) the actual rule later.

- who’s afraid of the big bad railroad? ok, this might be controversial, but whatever. in my experience, a genuine “sandbox” campaign can be deeply frustrating and feel pointless if players are just running around, from waypoint to waypoint, killing dozens of goblins in random encounters that have no bearing on the greater world. that’s why i honestly prefer what people might mistakenly call a “railroad” campaign – basically this is just a campaign with concrete and visible goals in sight, and a cool “endgame confrontation” on the horizon. at the end of every session, your players should feel like they’ve accomplished something – or, at the very least, are on the way to accomplishing something. that often makes sessions more fun. 

- start in media res! ah, session 1, that most terrible and beautiful of sessions. nothing wrong with starting in a tavern – many of the most memorable campaigns start in one. but there’s also nothing wrong with starting in the middle of the action. this doesn’t necessarily have to be combat, though it certainly can be. throw your players into the middle of a plot-relevant situation, and see how they respond. they can be the main agents – perhaps they’ve stalked an evil wizard to this lair, and are facing down his horrific automatons at the top of  session 1. or they can be background characters, in a “wrong place wrong time” situation – they’re all in a fantasy elevator, a man walks in with a briefcase, the door closes, and the man falls to the ground, dead – with a dagger coming out of his back. your players get a chance to look at each other, talk this out, make decisions, before the elevator stops, the door opens, and there are a bunch of fantasy police and bystanders milling about. what do they do?

- take notes! TAKE NOTES! i’m really guilty of not doing this often enough. it’s my greatest vice. but yes, take notes during your sessions! what NPCs did you make up on the fly? what improvised magical items did you give your players? where are they going next? what information did they uncover? etc etc. write notes during natural pauses in the game, or when players are arguing with each other about which road to take.

- prepare! some GMs improvise everything. i am not one of those GMs, and i am terrified of them. when i improvise my sessions, they either turn out great or horrible. i’m a risk-averse person, so i want to avoid that coin toss. my solution? prepare my sessions in advance. if you have the time, draw out maps of big set piece battles you think might occur. prepare lists of NPCs that the PCs might encounter in an area you’re pretty sure they’re going to reach. write out some random plot hooks (brownie points if they’re related to the greater campaign story) just in case weird downtime occurs and the players feel lost /listless /confused. and, if you want, prepare a written narrative speech – brief, vivid, visual, and performative – for the beginning and maybe end of your session, vividly describing where your players are, what the environment’s like, what’s around them, and what they could do with this information. having a written “speech” (but no longer than a paragraph or two) ready for just the top of your session really helps make you seem like you have your shit together lol.

that’s all i can think of right now! what advice do other folks have?

[skippie89]

Secreting Shadows #2

Music for this chapter is:

Learn Me Right

By Birdy and Mumford & Sons

Raiden was pissed. He had spent the night chasing after that chestnut haired… freak! That was the only word he could think to call her. How she eluded him he had no clue. Every time he thought he was close to catching her, she would dance out of his grasp. She was good. Too good to just be a normal shadow that the guild picked up.

“What’s gotten you into a mood, little snake?”

He didn’t even bother to get annoyed at Layla’s name for him and simply continued to stare at nothing.

“…Alright. What did the new kid do?”

That got his attention and his eyes shot up to meet hers, “What?”

“Aithlyn. What did she do for you to be scowling this much?”

At his explanation at what happened last night, Layla could barely stand she was laughing that much, which caused his scowl to deepen.

“About time someone was able to keep up with you.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Oh, come off it, Rai. The only reason you’re in a huff is because you actually have to put some effort into it. Something you haven’t done in a long time.”

Not wanting to admit it Raiden simply huffed in response.

“If you want to look for her, she’s in the stone quarter right about now.”

“How would you know?”

“Because unlike you, I used what she said yesterday and did my research. No way did she only arrive a few days ago.”

“She didn’t, she arrived a few weeks ago.”

Layla look briefly startled but the grin slowly blossoming on her face showed how delighted she was, “Fuck… She’s good.”

 An hour later Raiden found himself hidden in the shadows of the Stone Quarter watching Aithlyn as she went about her business. He had initially been startled to see the differences from yesterday.

Her curly hair was unbound and settled around her features, she was clothed in a dress, and she was openly smiling at everyone. No wonder they didn’t realise it was her, she was not acting like a typical shadow. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop the smirk from forming on his face.

She was outside playing with the children during her “break”. It seemed like she was acting as an apothecary of sorts. From what he had seen, she had food available freely for the younglings in the area. Memories started appearing from the dark recesses of his mind, but he rapidly shook them away.

Raiden watched as a child slowly approached where he was hiding. The boy was looking around in confusion but was holding a bottle of sorts in his hand. Raiden stepped out to show himself, seeing if he could help the kid and was shocked to see a delighted smile form on the boy’s face once he was noticed.

“There you are!”

Raiden quirked an eyebrow, “You were looking for me…?”

“Yep! Miss Aithlyn said that a man with white hair was standing here and that he’d need this,” indicating to the bottle.

“… And why would I need the bottle?”

“She said that you’d be very tired from playing chase all night and might need a pick me up.”

Raiden laughed and looked in the direction of where he had last seen her. She was tending to an elderly woman but as if she could feel his eyes on her, she looked up at him and gave him a cheeky wink.

Damn… She is good.

 Aithlyn focused on her work for the remainder of the afternoon. She had accidentally visited with Erik that morning when she had wandered into the area that he lived within in the wood. It had been a while since she sat on lush grass and simply talked. She had learned a little more about him and his situation, but once again, knew that now was not the time to pry too deeply. It also helped that Erik was very nice to look at. Shirtless… Sweaty… Shaking her head she pulled herself away from those thoughts.

Wandering out of the woods led her to bump into Roux at the bridge leading back into town. It was hard not to smile around them and now that she knew that they had a weakness for baked goods Aithlyn had a feeling that she’d be putting her alchemy skills to use later in the kitchen.

After Raiden left cackling to himself, Aithlyn was glad she had mixed up an energiser. Poor guy had been chasing after her all night, she was quite impressed by the amount of times he had come close to catching her. It was most likely a shock for him to see her like this, most shadows tended to stay back and observe, thus garnering information that way. Aithlyn however learned very quickly that by involving herself with the city folk that not only did she gain their trust, so if something happened, they’d never believe evil rumours about her, but she was able to gather a lot of information swiftly. And her five weeks here had definitely not been wasted.

The sun was setting so Aithlyn decided that it was time to get ready, after all she did promise Roux that she would look less shadowy for the festival. Pulling out a short green dress, Aithlyn examined it. The skirt stopped mid-thigh and the sleeves flowed loosely to the elbows. Nodding in approval she placed it on the bed before pulling out a brown corset. It was her favourite one as it had secret compartments that held throwing knives. She may have to look less shadowy, but she never promised to be defenceless. Next thing was finding her brown leggings and favourite boots which stopped just short of her knees. Once she bathed, dressed and fixed her hair Aithlyn went looking for her forest green cloak and skipped out the door intending to find Roux.

 Aithlyn was internally seething as she glared at Azaril. The bastard had the nerve to order her to refill his drink. Cedric had stepped in, knowing that if he didn’t Azaril would give away information that should not be made public... Or she’d punch him. Aithlyn loved her cousin, but his immaturity still frustrated her at times, especially now which led her to question for the hundredth time why he had also been sent here.

Azaril was smirking at her from across the food table, and Aithlyn had to fight to stop her lips from twitching. It was Maja’s voice commenting on the baked tarts that turned her attention.

“They’re nice but they just settle in your stomach and I just can’t figure out which ingredients to use to stop that from happening.”

Aithlyn knew she was talking about the lemon pastries and chipped in, “It’s actually not the ingredients, you need to whisk the batter, trying to add as much air as possible. It makes them light and fluffy.”

Maja turned away from the noble she was talking to and quirked an eyebrow at Aithlyn. She had met the woman briefly last night but hadn’t yet formed an opinion about her.

“You seem to know a lot about this.”

Aithlyn shrugged, “my brother has a real sweet tooth and I found baking to be a lot like alchemy, so it just kind of came naturally.”

Maja surged forward and grabbed both of her hands in her own, “Me too!”

Maja’s face was flushed lightly in delight of this discovery but once she realised, she quickly corrected her behaviour and dropped Aithlyn’s hands causing the woman to lightly chuckle.

“It would seem you’re quite skilled in a few things, Aithlyn. Not many would know enough about alchemy to compare it to baking.”

“It was one of the few things my mother taught me.”

Maja narrowed her eyes as she looked at Aithlyn, “You’re very open for a…”

“Apothecary?” Aithlyn suggested with a grin on her lips.

Maja simply nodded. Aithlyn certainly wasn’t like any shadow she had met before. But then again, she had spent more time in Aithlyn’s company than most.

“It’s easier talking openly about most things without revealing information. Makes people a lot less suspicious. You know I bake and know alchemy that I learned from my mother, but then again don’t most daughters learn this from their mothers?”

Maja’s lips twitched, wanting to form a smile. This woman was smart. “Indeed-” she was about to say more but was cut off by another noble.

“Until next time my Lady.” Aithlyn curtsied.

Maja noticed how well she held herself and narrowed her eyes further, “Hmmm.”

Looking around Aithlyn noticed a woman leaning against a wall close by. The look on her face spoke volumes of how much she did not want to be there. Listing back the names and faces in her head Aithlyn realised that this was Livia the Knight Commander. Deciding that she obviously needed a friendly face who wasn’t afraid of her scowling one, Aithlyn plucked a drink from a roaming server and walked over to the woman.

“You look like you need one of these.”

Livia just scowled further at her.

“It’s not poison I swear,” taking a sip of the liquid, “see?” and held it back out to her.

Livia gingerly took the goblet in question and grunted her thanks. Aithlyn decided just to lean back against the wall beside her and watch the woman. Livia was conscious of being watched but decided to take a mouthful of the drink she was given.

“And now we’ve indirectly kissed!”

Livia’s eyes widened in shock as she spat out the liquid and coughed before turning towards the woman giggling beside her. Fixing her with a glare as a blush rose on her cheeks, she fought to decide what to say.

“Oh, come on! It was funny! You looked bored here all by yourself.” Livia’s eye twitched, “you’ve got to admit it has gotten more fun since I handed you that drink.”

“I’ll admit to no such thing.”

“But you’re not denying it either,” Aithlyn smirked.

 “Lucien… Lucien!” Maja didn’t even bother looking at them as she tugged on their clothing.

“Maja, I can hear you and tugging at my clothes will not make a difference.”

“Look!”

Lucien looked over in the direction that Maja was pointing and was genuinely surprised to see the normally stoic Knight Commander smirking at a very familiar shadow.

“It would seem that a little shadow has managed to get more than a glare from a certain someone.”

“Lucien, she’s smiling!” he quirked an eyebrow at her, “ok she’s not smiling, but she’s not glaring and is actually talking!”

“Yes, I can see that my dear.”

“Lucien, you don’t understand. She doesn’t do that!”

Lucien looked over at Maja and merely chuckled at the bewilderment clearly showing on her face.

“It is not surprising that this shadow has a silver tongue. She has easily caught the attention of many people here.”

“But Livia?!”

Deepening their chuckle, “isn’t this what you wanted when you asked her to accompany you? For her to interact with others?”

Maja sighed and looked at the glamoured demon beside her, “yes, but I didn’t actually think it would happen…”

 Aithlyn barely got a chance to speak to Roux before they were distracted by someone behind her. Laughing lightly to herself she turned only for her face to hit against a pretty chiselled chest. Looking up she realised that she had bumped into Lucien.

“Sorry about that.”

“No harm done my dear.”

Maja was also in their company and tipped her drink in her direction, lips upturned in a gentle smile, “I see you got along with Livia.”

“She’s enjoyable company.”

This elicited a chuckle from Lucien, “you’d have to get past the armour first,” and was nudged by Maja with a scowl on her face. She was about to say something but Aithlyn beat her to it.

“I don’t know, I’m pretty sure I got off a gauntlet, or a shoulder pad at least,” she smirked.

This drew a bigger chuckle from the pair in front of her. Lucien was the faster of the two to compose themselves though.

“So, is our mutual friend here? Or did you abandon him again?”

“Raiden? I don’t know, I haven’t seen him since earlier today.”

“From the grin on your face, I’m guessing you won the game?”

Maja turned to look quizzically at them, “game?”

“It would seem that this little shadow wanted to play chase last night and roped a snake into also playing.”

Aithlyn grumbled, “I’m not that little…”

Maja regarded her with astonished eyes, “Did he catch you?”

Aithlyn’s snort as she shook her head was all the answer Maja needed and caused her to laugh heartily, “oh, you’re one to watch out for!”

Grinning and wriggling her eyebrows, Aithlyn responded, “If you can catch me.”

Lucien was about to speak but quirked an eyebrow when they saw a child tugging at Aithlyn’s sleeve.

“Morenth! Is everything ok?”

“Yes, Lady Lyn!” the child smiled up at her, “Papa asked me to find you, he said he needed your help with something.”

Taking the child’s hand in her own as Aithlyn smiled down at her, before turning back to look at Maja and Lucien, “I believe that’s my cue to leave. Enjoy the rest of your evening!” waving slightly before walking off with the child.

“You know Lucien, I think I might like her.”

The demon chuckled, “indeed, she does seem to elicit those kinds of feelings from people.”

“What kinds of feelings?”

Maja and Lucien turned in the direction of the new voice. Raiden was standing there in casual clothing. Lucien had to admit that the deep red open shirt looked good on him. It was rare to see him in public without his usual leather armour on.

“We were just speaking about how a new shadow is able to easily cause those around her to like them.”

“Yea, she seems to be a bit of a people person. Strange that.”

“Says the man who is rarely quiet,” Maja chuckled.

“I don’t know… I suppose I could be quiet… if gagged…” Raiden winked at her.

Maja rolled her eyes. Even in the short time she had spent in his company because of Lucien, she was used to his antics by now.

“Why are you here little snake?”

Maja couldn’t help the evil smirk that spread across her lips as she watched the assassin blush at Lucien’s question.

Coughing behind his hand to hide the blush, “Roux said Aithlyn was here.”

“You just missed her. It seems to be a new habit of yours.”

Raiden glared at Lucien, which only caused their smirk to grow.

Maja watched the staring match between the two from over the edge of her wine goblet before deciding to break the tension, “a child came and led her off towards where the townsfolk are playing music, saying something about needing her help.”

Raiden tilted his head at her to wink, a grin in place. “Thanks! Better go find her before she disappears again.”

Turning Raiden waded through the crowd to the area that music was being played at. It was in one of the open areas of the town as it allowed for people to dance if they wanted. He could hear the music before he saw the band playing, it wasn’t a song he had heard before, but the singer sounded great.

Imagine his surprise when he saw that it was Aithlyn singing. She stood on the makeshift stage next to those playing instruments with a look of delight on her face. Townsfolk were either clapping in time with the music or dancing in large circles. He felt as if he had walked into another town, the atmosphere was so different. He watched as people laughed and smiled, not to say that they didn’t do this on other days, but they seemed much more relaxed.

It was at that moment that Raiden looked back up at the stage and realised that Aithlyn was looking at him as she sang. She had a mischievous smile on her face as she winked at him, causing him to laugh and shake his head.

“We will be who we are, and they’ll heal our scars.”

His breath caught in his throat and his eyes snapped back to her. Aithlyn’s gaze still lingered on him before she slowly moved it back to the crowd. Raiden didn’t even realise he was blushing until he heard the man beside him chuckle giving him a knowing look.

At the end of the song the crown cheered as Aithlyn hopped down from the stage and sauntered over to where Raiden was waiting. His eyes appreciatively ran over the curves of her body and he smirked as he looked down at her cleavage. Her being much shorter than him made it easier to get glimpses.

“You’re rather subtle at blending in it seems.”

Aithlyn grinned up at him, “they’ll never see it coming.”

This elicited a chuckle, “Come on, Layla’s waiting.”

Aithlyn practically skipped over to the other woman hidden away in one of the side streets nearby. Raiden wasn’t surprised to see her stance relax as she spoke to the smaller woman, “you seem cheerful.”

Aithlyn’s features suddenly turned sombre and the quick switch startled Layla slightly, “sorry, I forgot you had to be completely serious… All the time… Like Raiden…”

“Hey!”

Layla sniggered at the exchange between the two of them.

“Anyway! We have to head to headquarters. Boss wants to meet our new recruit, here.”

Giving Raiden a quick once over, “You gonna change or what? Looking awfully casual there, Rai.”

Raiden presses his hands against the clothing covering his chest, “I don’t need armour, and I’m sure Aithlyn doesn’t either. Right?” He looks over and winks.

“Right… But I’m not the one with bounties on my head…”

Layla nods her head in agreement before stopping as if she remembered something, “Speaking of bounties, I’m taking the forest path. I’ve got a bounty to pick up along the way.”

Raiden sidles up against Aithlyn, “We’ll take the underground. It’s quicker.”

Aithlyn quirks an eyebrow as he makes the decision for her, “…I guess we’ll see you there…?”

 “Underground kingdom my ass…” Aithlyn thought to herself.

The smell of the sewer was causing Aithlyn’s nose to twitch. There were downsides to her heightened half elf senses, and this was definitely one of them. Raiden was walking ahead of her. He was still sulking from when she had teased him about not being able to catch her last night. Teasing him was fun and seeing his back in front of her gave her a great idea.

Raiden hadn’t even heard her run up behind him, so he startled when Aithlyn jumped on his back and wrapped her arms around his neck. Unconsciously he hooked his hands under her knees and kept her tight to his body, while shooting a quizzical look at her over his shoulder. He could just make out the delight on her face.

“Don’t sulk-”

“Not sulking.”

Squeezing his waist with her thighs she continued as if he hadn’t interrupted her, “since I’m in such a generous mood today that even though you couldn’t catch me-” Raiden scoffed at her, “I’ll let you ask me one question.”

“One question?”

“Yes, and I’ll answer it honestly-”

Aithlyn didn’t even get to finish her sentence before Raiden had slipped his left hand across to grab her right leg and spin her so that her back was pressed against the wall as Raiden used his hips and eyes to pin her.

Gone was the man who enjoyed teasing and tormenting her. There was a seriousness on his face and a glint in his eye that made him look like the assassin he claimed to be. A shiver ran up her spine as he stared into her eyes, but not of fear, of anticipation.

“It can’t be a coincidence that at the same time there’s an assassination attempt on the royals, that three of your countrymen arrived in Novus. A knight, an ambassador and you.”

Raiden’s hands were still on her legs, holding her in place. Her hands were placed on his biceps to keep her steady. As he leaned closer, she could feel all his muscles coil and she sucked in her breath before biting her lip. His eyes briefly took in the movement and when he looked back up, his eyes were darker. Dangerous.

“Why are you here?”

“Well because you brought me this route and decided to pin me against a wall…”

The growl he gave in response caused her pulse to quicken. What on earth was wrong with her? She normally had a lot more control over herself, but her body was betraying her by responding so deliciously to him.

“I was asked to come here. A request was made and the one person I trust more than anything wanted me to be the one to answer it.”

Time went by, it could have been seconds, minutes, hours, with Raiden staring into her eyes. She could almost make out the cogs working in his brain, but his features gave away nothing.

“Alright, you pass.”

Aithlyn chuckled, “I pass?”

“Yes.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

Raiden smirked, “you’re very welcome.”

Although his normal grin was back in place, he didn’t move. If anything, Aithlyn had to try not to gasp as his thumbs subconsciously started tracing designs on her thighs. Seconds ticked by and Aithlyn watched as his eyes darkened further as he looked at her.

Aithlyn decided to break the silence, “So… is this your idea of a date then?” She really hoped that she didn’t sound as breathless as she felt.

Brightness came back into his eyes as he registered what she just said, laughing he smirked, “Believe me, if we were on a date you’d know.”

“True, you are far from subtle,” her lips grew into a mischievous grin, “but then again you still have me pinned against the wall,” and as if to emphasise her point she deviously rolled her hips.

She’d never admit it, but she enjoyed hearing his gasp and watching his cheeks darken. He loosened his grip slightly and slowly slid her down so she could place her feet on the floor but didn’t back away.

“Maybe if you ask nicely.”

“Raiden…” she slid her hand up and across the available skin of his chest before gripping his chin and tilting his face down a little, “I never ask.”

The spark in her eyes caused another growl to want to erupt from his throat. Instead he took a step back and held out his hand for her to take it with a smirk growing larger on his face, “Good to know.”

Aithlyn placed her hand in his and let him pull her along in the darkness. He held her tight and close enough that it seemed like he was worried that she’d disappear into the darkness. She actually felt flattered and was glad of the shadows as it hid the blush on her face. Not wanting him to know that he got to her, she decided to joke with him.

“So, on our date you won’t try to woo me with smelling or sidestepping shit?”

Looking back at her with a grin, “for you? Anything.” He couldn’t hold back the laugh as he watched her eyes widen and caught a brief glimpse of her mouth parting in a simple “Oh”.

They continued on the path for a few minutes more. Raiden suddenly stopped when he noticed shadows moving ahead and the slight sound only confirmed his thoughts. There was someone hiding up ahead. He didn’t even respond when Aithlyn bumped into his back.

“Raiden…?”

Turning, he backed her into the wall of a small tunnel opening nearby. He felt her body tense and looking down he could see she was looking in the direction of where he had previously noticed the assailant. Raiden couldn’t keep the smirk from his face.

“Stay here. Stay hidden and stay safe.”

Aithlyn frowned up at him, frustration clear and opened her mouth to speak but Raiden simply placed a finger on her lips.

“How else am I to show off on our non-date?”

Aithlyn simply rolled her eyes at him, but her features softened, “be careful.”

Raiden nodded as he stepped back and removed the daggers from where he had them hidden in his tunic before stealthily moving. In startling quick movements, he had the man pinned against the wall by his throat and had twisted his arm to cause enough pain that the man dropped his weapon and it landed in the running sewage water with a plop.

“Don’t you know assassins are meant to be silent…”

“Snake…”

Raiden barely had time to register a second assailant as he moved away from the attack. Not fast enough though as the blade sliced into his side causing him to grunt in pain. Punching the first man in the ribs he turned to the second, just in time to duck a weak attempt at slicing his throat. Springing up he sunk his own weapon in an upward swing through the man’s ribs. Removing it just as quick he felt the spray of blood as it hit his face and hair. Raiden couldn’t stop the grin appearing on his face as he heard the man’s lungs bubble and drown in his own blood.

Movement to his right caught his attention and he turned to see Aithlyn approach, dagger in hand. He knew she was going to attack the other man who was slowly dragging himself away, but he still wanted to show off. Shaking his head, he grinned at her and while maintaining eye contact, he removed a blade from his boot and threw it behind him. The thud and gurgle were all the indications he needed to know that the blade had hit his mark. Standing, he wiped off some of the blood from his face with the back of his hand.

“Are you alright?”

Aithlyn quirked her eyebrow, “Am I alright? Raiden, you’re bleeding to death!”

Raiden scoffed, but he couldn’t hide the wince as he walked over to her. Aithlyn caught him when he stumbled, and he wanted nothing more than to cling on to her.

“Come on, let me have a look at you.”

“We haven’t even gone on a date and already you want to get my shirt off!”

Raiden enjoyed watching her lips twitch as she tried to contain her smile.

“Well I have to compare you to Eric. He was very nice to look at this morning after all.”

“Hey!”

Using the distraction Aithlyn lifted his tunic and gently prodded at the wound eliciting a hiss. Raiden roughly pulled it back down when he noticed her eyes tracing over the other scars that littered his body.

“I’ve got it.”

“Raiden I’ve seen your scars, you most certainly don’t “got it,” if anything you look like a pin cushion.”

He laughed but the movement provoked his wound, “Ow.”

“You know, for someone who looks like a pin cushion, you should learn how to sew.”

Raiden laughed before lifting his hand and tracing the scar that ran across his cheek to his jaw, “I can sew just fine thanks.”

“I’d agree with you if I believed you were the one to sew that up.”

“You’re right, I’d never let anyone mess up this handsome mug,” and he felt pretty smug that he elicited a laugh from her.

Aithlyn ripped a sleeve from her dress and opened the pouch that she had tied to her hip. Opening a small vial, she poured the liquid on to the material and looked up into his face as her hand went to the bottom of his tunic. His eyes held a bit of suspicion as she lifted his tunic again.

“This is going to sting.”

Raiden opened his mouth to retort but all that came out was an angry hiss. His blood quickly turned the material dark. She pressed harder to stem the blood flow but for Raiden the pain turned into pleasure and he couldn’t stifle the groan that came from his mouth.

Aithlyn took a quick intake of breath as she looked at him. He knew his cheeks were flushed, and he had to bite his lip as Aithlyn gave an experimental little push.

“I’m sorry… Did that… hurt…?”

The next push was a little harder and he couldn’t contain the groan. He watched as her eyes darkened and she bit her bottom lip. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to tug it free with his own teeth. Placing his hand over hers he pushed a little harder and lifted his eyes from her lips to a darkening green pair of irises.

“That’s good.”

His thumb was on her wrist and he could feel her pulse quicken. If felt good to be able to elicit this type of response from her. Her eyes lowered once again to his lips and he couldn’t stop the snort of delight.

Startled eyes moved back up to his, “what?”

“You’re cute. If I haven’t said it before… You’re cute.”

Aithlyn smirked playfully, “That’s the blood loss talking.”

Shaking his head furiously, he started to respond “N-”

“What on Novus asshole happened?” Layla stormed angrily.

And just like that the bubble Aithlyn and Raiden had created was popped.

[quipadeedoodaa]

Unpopular Opinion.

can I just say, especially after sleeping on it, the movie!verse isn’t actually that bad with Crowley and Aziraphale’s personalities?

Like, just hear me out. We know Crowley has a temper in tv!omens. He's stressed out! Movie Crowley is just as much a box of little anxieties as any other version.

Based on what they say when it starts, both sides have basically ignored them since Eden. Aziraphale has fallen into a comfortable routine of the same thing every week because we all know he doesn't do change well. thus the: he lets Crowley cheat to win checkers every single time. Its routine! He likes routine! He likes spending time with Crowley! Why call him on it?

Meanwhile Crowley has fallen into the same routine, but he LIKES change and the lack of it frustrates him. He doesn't make a move to actually change anything up himself, because he DOES like Aziraphale, calling him his dear angel at one point. But he's frustrated, and anxious because he’s a demon, life isn't supposed to be simple and easy going for him, which only adds to his temper when it finally goes off.

Not to mention Aziraphale is just constantly playing nice and being positive when all Crowley wants is to yell and argue with someone, but you can’t satisfy a fight urge with someone who wont stop being optimistic. It'll just make you feel worse.

Crowley wasn't thinking about not being around Aziraphale when he wanted to leave earth. He just wanted something new! Something to change already! He wouldn't have considered or fully realized at the time that leaving would have meant LEAVING Aziraphale entirely. He is offered an out from a job he hates, he jumps at it

When he realizes he fucked up, he's panicked! He says things he wouldn't have said normally, he calls Az stupid (and the movie verse establishes how he views stupidity) and tells him he doesn't deserve to live.

The problem with a script is you cant hear the tone of voice. But there are hesitations in this line between the parts. He's angry, he's panicking, and here’s Aziraphale, telling him everything will be fine and dandy. What’s Az know about it?! Whats he got to worry about?! Hes with heaven! HE doesn't have to fear for the rest of HIS eternity!!

and yet, despite being nasty to him, Aziraphale doesn't react to it. He GETS that Crowley has a temper and understands he wouldn't say something like this normally. Just like in tv!omens when Aziraphale doesn't react to the wall slam. Crowley acts out. He’s a demon, he's got a lot of shit to deal with even in the best meta. Aziraphale doesn't fault him for it. Az doesn't get upset until Crowley is actually trying to run away at the end.

And that's when Aziraphale breaks his moral code. He cheats! He does the one thing he said he never would. Because winning is finally more important than taking the high road and sticking to their routine.

If he wins, Crowley stays. If he looses, Crowley leaves and it’s the end of the world. He might get a scolding from heaven but there’s no punishment up there that would match Crowley’s if he fucks this up for Satan. It’s not about Heaven. It’s about loosing his best friend. The demon who says they AREN’T anymore because then he can convince himself its ok to leave it all behind. because as much as he wants change, being tortured for eternity isn't a thing he wants and hes scared.

As far as their relationship itself! I know lots of folks have been saying old married couple, that's valid. But I think its more: They established a routine and failed to establish what exactly they meant to each other.

So while they're close enough to be easily recognized as a couple (getting turned away by all the anti-gay bed n breakfasts) they haven't really discussed it, or put any labels. They stick to their routines. This antichrist business has really shaken things up, and given the fact Hell doesn't want Crowley anymore, things might start changing for them for the better. Perhaps half his need for change wasn't a problem with earth but a problem with their level of relationship? Checkers once a week and periodic casual dates isn't as fulfilling anymore when he wishes for something more from his dear angel. He might have even reached the point he feels there’s not chance for things to BECOME anything more than they currently have.

In the TV series, Crowley is the one trying to get Aziraphale to help him. In the movie verse, Aziraphale is trying to get Crowley to help. Both of them are turned down at first. So they pull on their strings. “Let’s have lunch” “let’s play a game.” Let us do this one thing i know you enjoy, to remind you that you enjoy it and allow me to convince you to prevent this and stay with me. Let me tempt you with something you’ve valued during out time together. And it WORKS.

Which is why when Aziraphale cheats, Crowley lets him get away with it. He’s done something different. He’s abandoned his morals in order to win. and the only thing he gains from this victory is Crowley staying with him. So Crowley plays fair. He lets Az cheat. he throws the game.

Now one more thing! This version of Crowley? he doesn’t have house plants! Nothing for him to vent his frustration and anger out on. He’s surrounded by humans regularly, he runs a NIGHT CLUB, he can’t afford to take his emotions out on the people who work for him or visit the club! He has to play the nice game, keep up the smile and business facade. The only place he is SAFE to express his emotions with someone is with Aziraphale!

As he keeps saying at the beginning, Things are going “too well” for them. heaven has no part in the movie at all, not a peep. Only Satan and hell, and from what Crowely’s said they haven’t had him do anything since Eden! 6000 years without observation, just complaining about the state of the planet and humanity itself. But Crowley has to check in with Hell regularly. He knows no matter how good things seem to be it can’t get TOO great because Hell is just under the surface waiting to pull something.

But even still, things are going well for them. he might have days where hes more irritated than others, but overall they’re not that stressed out on Earth. Which leads the possibility they never came up with plans or alternatives for his angry outbursts when he has them. Again, no houseplants. So this Crowley doesn’t have some method to handle anger and thus he lashes out at Aziraphale who knows that Crowley doesn’t mean it and thus he doesn’t react to it, unlike in the Tv series, where Aziraphale is the one who is scared and ends up saying hurtful things to Crowley, who practically visually internalizes his comments.

Movie verse isn’t a healthy relationship, I’m not trying to excuse his actions, but they do love and care for each other in their own way. They just need to ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE once in a while. Just like the TV series A/C.

If the movie script had actually gone on to resolve the issues instead of ending with them walking away, maybe y’all wouldn’t be so rabid! but good lord. Drop the pitchforks! Just because someone says something bad doesn’t make them a bad person, it means instead of writing kill the Crowley fics, y’all should do some got dang couples therapy for them!

I could just keep going but i’mma stop here, if you read any of this, thanks XD

In conclusion! movie script A/C isn't that bad, y'all just cant accept that people can say mean and hateful things they don't actually mean in times of stress, fear and anger.

[trulycertain]

I’ve just finished Hearts of Stone for the first time (I got the expansion packs last birthday, thanks Ma), and cor, I’m... still a bit dazed. That was one of the best experiences I’ve had with a game for a long time. Heck, in some games that would’ve been the main campaign. It truly feels like a work of passion.

The negative, to get it over with

I had some issues with the portrayal of the Ofieri. The people we see are monsters, mages, mystics and enemy guards. The first Ofieri person you meet is... a toad monster you kill. And then the next ones are your jailers. 

And you might say that Temeria and Redania are full of yokel stereotypes - I mean, the “How often should I beat my wife?” NPC line is a clear nod to that kinda thing - and plays on Slavic mythology, folk tales, and fairy tales, and Ofier is the nod to the Arabian Nights... but we don’t get many Ofieri characters, nor clear examinations of those tales. Instead we’re quietly directed back to Robin Hood and Beauty and the Beast homages (which I adore, but). And one of the first introductions you get to their pseudo-Arabic language (which doesn’t feel as researched as Sapkowksi’s cod-Welsh Elven, but I don’t know about Nilfgaard’s language) is a Redanian guy calling it “gargling.” *wince* After the interesting, often nuanced takes on pseudo-Slavic culture and the fantasy non-human racism, I found that a bit frustrating. 

And yet... In some ways, it feels like CDPR were aware of this. Because you don’t actually have to kill the rest of the Ofieri guards, and then the next people you meet from Ofier are scholars and thoroughly nice dudes. (And... merchants, which is another stereotype on its own, but maybe I’m reading too much into that and reading British biases into it.) And gosh, I find it interesting what little we see of Ofieri scholarship and spirituality, and runeworking/smithing as prayer. It’s like a mix of Islamic Golden Age mathematics - but with languages instead - and humanism, maybe with some Pagan influences. It’s really, really beautiful, and it’s clearly had some thought put into it. Also interesting is the interlinked duchies/city-states sort of system that the merchant nods at, which I’d love to know more about.

OK, so... maybe this is easy for me to say as an English lass who looks like a flour explosion in a snowstorm, but it feels wonky (to say the least), but... not ill-intentioned. If anything, the portrayal of the Ofieri is rather less biting than portrayals of other countries, though those portrayals also feel less.. loaded. I’m not sure what to think, to be honest. I had some issues with how strongly the pack tries to force you into romance with Shani and makes it a bit all-or-nothing. I wish I’d been able to buy her a drink or give her a nice rowan garland (actually, seriously, I need to draw her in that flower crown, it’s lovely and she was adorable) even as a friend, as a way to say goodbye, rather than just... buggering off and leaving her there sad, and failing a side quest to boot. Framing the romance that way made it very clear that “oi, you’ve made the wrong choice,” even if you had your reasons. And when you talk to her later, it’ll still treat things like you romanced her.

The Order of the Flaming Rose didn’t do much. Yay, fancy bandits. But... thanks for the armour, guys? Made a fair bit of cash off that, nice of you.

The positive (my favourite bit)

Shani! I haven’t played the first game or the second (I’ll... get there), so I hadn’t met her before. She’s wonderful. And much as I love Yen - and stayed faithful to her, though I was sitting there thinking, “Would books Geralt do this? I’m really not sure” - I liked how in contrast, Shani often gets into the thick of it with you. I also love a) doctor characters b) characters who put their calling above all else and have such strong purpose. She’s kind and wry and I was seriously tempted to romance her. I also like her admitting that it was a “make the most of the time we have” thing, and that it probably wouldn’t work long-term. I appreciate that honesty and again, that sense of purpose. Much like Triss, she’s not dropping everything for Geralt, who has his own crazy timetable and travels to deal with. That straightforwardness is lovely. 

And also... god, I really like her friendship with Geralt. Even if you don’t romance her, they’re so comfortable with each other, and it’s so clear how happy he is to see her. They relax around each other and she knows how to gently poke fun. Seriously, I can see why people liked her and wanted her back.

“And now I have nowt.” Bloody hell, is Olgierd von Everec actually written with Northern dialect as well as voiced with the accent? Is the dashing rogue... Yorkshire-accented? God, they must be Polish, Northerners almost never get to be upper-class or smooth in British media. (Even Sean Bean had to go posher for GoldenEye.) Nice to hear the language spoken properly.  I always admire the localisation when I’m playing Wild Hunt; it’s beautifully thought-out and detailed. And yes, Von Everec was an absolute jerk in a lot of ways even before the wish, but... a well-written, nuanced one. Also, considering some of the lasses we see in Skellige: sometime, I’d really like to have seen a female character along similar lines somewhere (one Geralt couldn’t bonk), though I know that won’t happen. (No more Geralt games. ;_; )

“A man must have some moments of madness from time to time. Tells him he’s alive.”

Iris! Goodness, I hesitated for nearly ten minutes over That Decision, and I still feel sad for her typing this post up on my couch, having finished the expansion an hour ago. I think it adds even more that I’d purchased “Starry Night Over the Pontar River” by Van Rogh (I can’t believe they even did that). I played Geralt as genuinely loving her paintings. (And seriously, speaking of assets, that Iris/Olgierd marriage portrait is lovely.) She was as complicated as her husband, though she got less screentime - and some part of me would have gladly trapped Olgierd in a painting and brought her back into the world, but I also know that necromancy in The Witcher doesn’t work like that. A very romantic-fairy-tale take on the tortured artist trope.

I even found Vlodimir interesting. I was glad that Shani called him on what was basically fancy sexual harassment and told him to keep his hands to himself, and he was clearly a real shite in life, but... yeah, even I felt rather sad for him after the dressing-down he got from O’Dimm. And to be honest, he does have some bloody hilarious lines. This series excels in “likeable bastard” characters.

I get shades! And I’ve been going round with the Mastercrafted Wolven Armour and those, doing the look I fondly call Douchebag Geralt, ever since. CDPR’s nerdery. It wasn’t particularly immersion-breaking, and it made me cackle. “Merchant With A Pearl Earring”? “Witness me”? “Geralt: The Professional”? “The Professor’s Glasses”?

All the optional NPC dialogue. You can doom yourself by not researching enough. You can never find the runewright. You can miss half the wedding party dialogue. You can miss things like the Van Rogh painting and the sad, rather interesting story of Vesemir and his lover (and the Viper Armour!). The game always rewards you for being interested in the story, and thorough (you are playing a detective, after all), but because it was smaller, they’ve also made HoS so dense and all that’s here in abundance.

“Delight in the world and all its glorious creations.”

The furious pace. It’s a rollicking, rip-roaring adventure. A frog prince! An old friend/lover! A political plot! A storm! A deal with... something not-good that may or may not be The Devil! A shirtless tied-up action-movie fight with five dudes! Dueling a reluctant immortal! Characters from distant shores! A horse race through the streets of a village! A Guy Ritchie-esque heist movie nod to Robin Hood! Getting possessed by a ghost and sitcom/rom-com hijinks while fishing for boots, herding swine, and retrieving fire-eaters! Haunted mansions and tortured artists and interesting grief and depression metaphors! A Seventh Seal-esque game of wits with something very old and very unkind! O’Dimm promised a big adventure... he wasn’t wrong. And it probably sounds like they’re throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks... and yet, it all makes sense and ties in beautifully. It’s really well-written and thought-out, and balances a touching story with CDPR clearly wanting to give you your money’s worth and take you on the best journey they can.

Gaunter O’Dimm. The one thing I did think was that they’d be more vague about who/what he actually was. I was surprised at the more overt things like the crossroads deal, and the Oxenfurt scholar. But I immensely enjoyed his character, and that trippy finale was fantastic, even if I spent everything after the first second or so muttering, “It’s a REFLECTION, oh my god Gaunter you have commitment to your theme, please let there be a mirror in the house.” (And it’s also kind of perfect that one of the main spectres who attacks you in his realm is a Hym. Punishment for misdeeds, the guilty conscience... I’m seeing a theme here.)

Treasure hunts and new armour.

“Like your new gear, Roach?” We got to see a bit more of Geralt's fondness for this Roach (not sure what number she is, to be honest) and that he treats her well.

Lots of quiet but intense, lovely Geralt moments. The kindness with which he treats Shani, and his quiet, wry joking around with her in comparison to Vlodimir’s crudeness; the fondness and understated grief with which he speaks of Vesemir, and finally getting to hear a bit more of what he thinks about his mentor; the guilt he feels over being pulled here, there and everywhere on adventures and how many people he’s left behind; more stuff on “Witchers are heartless bastards because mutations” and how untrue that actually is; his steadfastness about trying to avoid bloodshed in the heist; how he doesn’t like to see Vlodimir tortured, even if he is... Vlodimir. Course, I play Geralt as a (pragmatic, blunt) goody-two-shoes, so it might be different if you play him bloodthirstier, but there were some lovely not-blank-slate-protag moments. CDPR get that the characters are why people come to the games; I adore playing a game where “go to a wedding reception” and “have a snowball fight with your daughter to cheer her up” are missions.

I’d be interested to see anyone’s takes on this pack, because I was so busy trying to avoid spoilers when it came out (and I think I might have been knee-deep in Fallout 4? Not sure) that I missed most of the stuff on it. But it was full of fascinating characters, wonderful performances, some really sad, achey complex themes, and pulpy adventure. I spent... too many moments trying not to cackle in joy. And much as I tried to be a completionist and do base-game sidequests remaining after the main story and drag it out over several days, I spent enough time on this expansion that Geralt’s beard grew back and my backside went numb. So. Even with its imperfections, probably one of my favourite gaming experiences of all time. So.

...God, and there’s another, slightly bigger expansion to go. I’m not sure I’ll survive.

[gringoslur]

Curious Beginnings: Mollymauk (Part 2)

I’m re-watching campaign 2 focusing in Mollymauk’s behavior and trying to analyze it. I don’t know i will continue this, or the reaction that this might get, but here it is. It’s a simple way to divide canon/fanon Molly that i enjoy doing, so just…you can read it and comment your opinions if you want. Sorry if there’s any mistakes or nonsense in my writing, english isn’t my first language. You will see titles that will summarize the content of the paragraph, so you can decide what u want to read.

Circus enviroment: The circus has began. Different races, different instruments, different actions. Molly is juggling two scimitars, and almost loses one in the march. I feel like even with 2 years in, he’s still training on “how to circus”. The about to be m9 group follows them. Matt mentions that the Crown’s guards are being wary of the circus people. With the amount of suspicious and mistrust that they had to deal daily, i’m not surprise that both Molly and Yasha have some things in their personalities that are quite unique, especially when both had such strange origins. Folks with memory loss being cared by misfits creates special individuals.

Group conversation (Molly, Yasha, Beau): I didn’t remember how this reunion happens. Beau starts so scream “Molly!! Molly, hey!!” and Molly answers with “Oh, it’s my favorites”. I will never not be sad about these two, about the chaotic potencial that they had. “It’s going to be great tonight!” and again, Yasha tries to copy him with “It’s gonna hav-it’s-it’s gonna blow you away…you’re gonna love it”’. I said that she copies him because it always happens when he starts to say something like that, which makes Yasha go like “oh now? now is the time to say that? ok lets go”, creating this deadpan hype. Beau, forgetting the bitter moment with the cards, continues to engage with Molly asking what are the best seats. Molly answers that he prefers the front, because “if something goes wrong, it’s nothing between you and whatever terrible bloody mess is going to happen. It’s just the best” he seems to be so into this idea that doesn’t realize that maybe ordinary people don’t want that (Beau: what???) honestly….fucking Mollymauk. He lives for the that, for the trill, for the adrenaline, for the risks without thinking about the consequences. Of fucking course that he’s gonna die first, and every phrase that he says sounds foreshadowing.

Work in the circus: Gustav interrupts them, not letting Yasha continue her “give me all ur weapons” talk. The work of the circus seems more spontaneous and messy than anything (Yasha continues the inspections inside). He sends them to “set up” but then changes his mind and sends Mollymauk to card duty because they are in need of change. The money talk is very important, is something that never leaves their mind it seems. Of course, when you are on the road and you have a lot of people in need of food and resources, that’s your main goal. Molly is used to this and just does what he says.

Cards duty, Mollymauk working: He has a small crowd around him, its not hard for him to gain attention. There’s a farmer asking for his 3-4 months cough. Molly seems insure, tries to calm this man attempting to convince him that he’s getting better. But when the man buys it, Mollymauk recommends him a tincture. “A tincture is a mix of alcohol, water, and herbs that have been steeped together for several weeks. The resulting liquid is an extract that supposedly can help with everything from sleep deprivation to migraines, depending on the specific herb’s healing properties. Tinctures can be made out of ingredients like chamomile, yarrow, and even marijuana and can be consumed though tea, a drop under the tongue, or a capsule”. He drops the act of the cards to recommend him a legic medicine that he probably uses and sends him to get that looked at. When the farmer insists on getting his answers from the cards, Molly even sounds frustrated but continues the farse and tells him that the cards say that he should go to a doctor. Molly is not so worried about this man, more annoyed than anything “Give me strenght”. I guess this happens often by the way that he handles it. “Platinum dragon be with you” this is the first time that we see him mention this deity that he worships in public.

Molly and Yasha (+ Jester): When Yasha tries to get a hold of the weapons, Molly assures them saying “she’s very trustworthy”. Listen the amount of support that these two give each other all the time in front of others is ridiculous. If i start to think about the amount of love and support that they give each other in private i’ll start crying. When Jester makes her pinky swear, Yasha looks uncomfortable and Molly whispers “oh my god” and gives that best-friend-look to Yasha. They totally talk shit about people all the time.

Beau and the limp: Beau and Jester try to convince them that Beau has a limp and needs the staff. Molly, not being the most educated, basically says “can you give me your staff and show me your limp? for my own entertaiment?” Beau recognizes the tone and gets defensive “are you patronizing me, Mollymauk?” and Molly, again, showing his perspective of the world and mindset with just one phrase says “no, i’m hoping that you’re going to patronize us”. So, here’s the truth. Or the truth about the truth in Mollymauk’s eyes. Beau knows she’s lying, Mollymauk knows she’s lying, everyone knows the truth and the lie in this situation. But Molly is not expecting to expose her farse with this tactic, he doesn’t need to show the truth to everyone or even see the truth himself. He’s waiting to Beau to fake the limp, to go further in her lie, to entertaint him. The truth? who cares. His own amusement? So valuable. The normal answer when you find out that someone is trying to trick you or lie to you, is get defensive, feel insulted and think that the other person thinks you’re an idiot. Molly’s mind doesn’t work like that at all. He is a peakcock, but not on this ego at least.

Molly and Yasha: After that, Mollymauk or Taelisin, i’m not sure, laughs about the Yasha-Beau moment. The homoerotism of the moment, you see. When Jester questions Yasha’s hability to keep everyones weapons, Mollymauk makes sure to say “She’s very good at this” (Yasha: “I’m very good at this”) I knew that these two always talked good about each other but i think that at this point i need to keep track of this because is both sweet and surprising, even if i’m *gasp* why i’m gasping i already knew this. Talking about Fjord’s falchon, Yasha says “is nice” and Molly agrees “is very nice”. I swear to god are they fucking twins or something?

Molly, Jester and cards: Molly grabs the cards in a “very especific order” and turns to Jester. “Tiefling to tiefling” and as a thank you, one on the house. The Moon and the Shadow. They mean something to Jester (supposedly). Does anything have a theory about this? Why did Mollymauk pulled out those cards and if it really meant something to Jester?

Beau and Molly: When Yasha starts to carry Beau, Molly screams “such grace! such form! such dignity!” I think that at this point he recognized what kind of relationship he could have with Beau and starts to create the atmosphere for it. I have more thoughts about it, but this is not the time, i will talk about this in the future.

Molly and Yasha about Jester: Yasha says that Jester is adorable, and Molly agrees. “Highly entertained” again, his entertainment is at least, one of the most valuables things for them. They both agree that they like her. From all the members, they focused on Jester. Was her attitude? the fact that she’s so friendly and from all of them, the one that could fit the most in the circus? Maybe is because she never showed any shady answer or look, but complete trust? Is because she is a tiefling? Maybe all the above?

Clarification: I’m not saying that the cast thought about all of this or that it all makes sense, but i can find a sense in all of it and thats one of the fun things about analyzing things like this. If you guys like this, i’ll continue. If you have any comments or things to add, please feel free