#it'll be cool!!!! i will be learning stuff . ok well that's if i ask good questions and i dont have any atm

[avokaidoll]

So you're new to this ?

Hey there, doll. Welcome to the wildest ride of high school. If I could go back in time, here's the advice I'd give lil me – the ultimate guide to crushing sophomore year and making it look effortless ! (I think)

Oh this can apply if you're just a new student, or after a break starting a new term or wtv idk !

1. Uniform vs. Home Clothes Chic:

- Whether you're rocking a uniform or strutting in your own home fits, confidence is the key.

>For uniforms, play with accessories ! – a killer watch, cool socks, or a personalized pin for your clothes or hair. Be sure to iron your uniform, I promise it'll elevate your look !

>Home clothes? Find a signature style – be it graphic tees, funky jeans, classic leather jacket, pink pilates princess vibes or athleisure vibes. You do you, and let your uniqueness shine.

- For the schools that do both try to plan carefully when you get the chance to wear home clothes and give your alllllllll; my school had us wear school uniform from Monday to Wednesday, then on Thursdays we get to wear home fits then Friday school tracksuits and on wknds boarders were permitted to wear home fits (the school was so mfing stingy just for those 3 days smh 🙄) and best believe we took advantage of our creativity 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾.

2. Study Smart, Not Hard:

- Let's talk about one study method !!!

Ever tried the Feynman Technique? Teach what you're learning in simple terms, as if explaining it to someone else who's having difficulty understanding or to a younger much annoyingly curious version of yourself :D. Like think to yourself 'how would I explain this to a 10 year old ?'.

This exposes gaps in your understanding and helps you grasp concepts more deeply. It's like being the professor of your own academic empire. Ouh fancy right, I know.

If you're not sure on how to go about it you can ask Chatgpt to explain as if you're 10, here Chatgpt demonstrates by talking about Quantum entanglement;

God I just love that 😌 Aye now don't go to Chatgpt everytime you need something Feynman-ied, it's important to try to practice this and train yourself, don't be so reliant ok :) ?

3. Extracurricular Juggling Act:

- Extracurriculars are the spice of high school life.

The key is balance. Pick activities aligned with your passions. If you're into sports, make sure it complements your academic schedule. Remember, you're crafting a well-rounded high school story, not a chaotic drama.

This adds to your credits, imagine how easy if would be for you to get you uni with all these great stuff on your record. A plus if you get ok to good grades as it shows that not only did you do well but you were active in other stuff. Good impressions go bbbrrr 📈📈📈

I wish I had a friend that pushed me to go for extracurriculars, my record looks so stale except for the usual, nothing fancy to add. Take this as a sign to sign up for the stuff right up your alley !

4. Note-Taking Magic:

- Your notes are your secret weapon.

Try the Cornell Method – divide your page into two sections, one for main notes and the other for summarizing. After class, jot down questions based on your notes; it's like creating your personalized study guide. Like so :

5. Decoding The Testing Maze:

- When it comes to studying for tests, don't just memorize; understand.

The SQ3R method is your ally – Survey, Question, Read, Recite, Review. It turns passive reading into an active engagement with the material. Ahhh good stuff !

Remember our talk of quantum entanglement, well, I'll try to demonstrate the SQ3R method if you're studying Q.E

Example Question:

Explain the concept of quantum entanglement and how it manifests between two particles. Provide an example scenario to illustrate your understanding.

SQ3R Breakdown:

Survey:

- Glance over the entire question. Identify key terms: "quantum entanglement," "manifestation," and "example scenario." This gives you a roadmap for what to look for in the material.

Question:

- Formulate specific questions based on the content:

- What is the fundamental concept of quantum entanglement?

- How does entanglement occur between two particles?

- Can you provide a real-world scenario to illustrate this?

Read:

- Dive into your physics materials. Focus on sections explaining quantum entanglement, the mechanics of entanglement between particles, and any examples or scenarios provided.

Recite:

- Close your book and explain what you've learned:

- Quantum entanglement is a phenomenon where particles become interconnected, with changes in one particle affecting the other.

- Entanglement occurs through a process called quantum superposition, where particles exist in multiple states simultaneously.

- Example scenario: Imagine two entangled electrons. If one electron's spin is measured and found to be "up," the other electron's spin will instantly be determined as "up," regardless of distance.

---Quantum entanglement is a phenomenon where two or more particles become interconnected, regardless of the distance between them. This entanglement influences their properties, meaning the state of one particle instantly affects the state of the other. For example, if we have two entangled electrons, measuring the spin of one electron will instantaneously determine the spin of the other, even if they are light-years apart. This interconnectedness challenges our classical understanding of particle behavior, introducing a fascinating aspect of quantum physics.

Review:

- Go back over your notes, ensuring you've covered the fundamental concept, mechanics, and the example scenario. Check your understanding of terms like quantum superposition and the implications of measurements on entangled particles.

Applying SQ3R helps break down complex questions, ensuring a solid grasp of wtv question/topic you plan to study.

6. Time Management Mastery:

- Mastering time is mastering high school.

Ever heard of the Eisenhower Matrix? It categorizes tasks into urgent and important, helping you prioritize efficiently.

1. Urgent and Important (Do First):

- Example: Your final exams are in two days, and you haven't started studying. This is urgent and important, requiring immediate attention to ensure academic success. Drop everything else and hit the books.

2. Important, Not Urgent (Schedule):

- Example: You've been thinking about starting a blog to share your art and connect with other creative minds. While it's important for personal growth, it's not urgent. Schedule specific times during the week to work on your blog and gradually turn this passion project into a reality.

3. Urgent, Not Important (Delegate):

- Example: Your friend needs help choosing an outfit for an event tonight, and you're in the middle of studying for a crucial test. It's urgent for your friend, but not as important for your academic success. Politely delegate the task to another friend who has a bit more time.

4. Not Urgent and Not Important (Eliminate)

- Example: Spending hours scrolling through social media, binge-watching TV shows, or playing video games without any specific purpose. While these activities might be entertaining, they don't contribute significantly to your personal or academic growth. Consider eliminating or reducing the time spent on these non-productive tasks.

Using the Eisenhower Matrix in daily decision-making helps maintain focus on priorities and ensures that time is allocated effectively, especially for a student juggling school, social life, and personal interests!

7. The Success Mindset:

- Approach challenges with a growth mindset. View setbacks as stepping stones to success. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small, and cultivate resilience. Remember, every stumble is a chance to dance better in the next act of your school journey.

Now, let's dip into the classic realms of friendship and crushes, because at this point you should already know the gist of things. Building genuine connections is like painting your own social masterpiece. Be yourself, laugh often, and approach crushes (and potential friends) with authenticity don't try to change who you are !!!

Confidence, respect, and kindness go a long way. You're not just a sophomore; you're a role model in the making if you try hard enough. Strut through those halls with purpose and make every moment count!

And for those silly cliques, be sure to get in the right ones. The ones that morph you to the bad and influence you to hate yourself or others, ignore them, they're so not worth your time and they're soooo yesterday, and we are living for now and the future .

Keep shining doll !

xoxo signing off,

Angela ꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡

ps: oh em gee, thanks alot for 360+ likes on my first post, that was really quick it caught me off guard lol, thanks alotttttttt mwahhhh xx

[spenglersweetheart]

OK OK OK LAST ONE J SWEAR

Idk if you’re ok incorporating my OC into this one, I made Ray a daughter, maybe a reader finding out Ray has a kid from a previous relationship, and he’s literally the dad everyone wants. He’s kind sweet caring, knows everything about a girls period and what helps what doesn’t, how to relieve cramps and stuff, rarely looses his cool

And don’t forget the dad bod

i'm absolutely okay with that !! i write better with a character than without a reader but i LOVE how you're incorporating a reader and your oc so i will absolutely do this !! (and i'll try to incorporate the dad bod <3)

─────────────── ✦ ───────────────

You're a Good Dad, You Know That?

Dad!Ray Stantz x reader

OC is Sal Stantz who belongs to the person who asked for this one shot! :)

WARNINGS : none! (unless periods count, then definitely periods. but if that grosses you out, read a biology book).

─────────────── ✦ ───────────────

YOU WERE AWARE OF RAY'S LAST RELATIONSHIP. You knew it had gone pretty badly. Which was heartbreaking on his end. Ray was the sweetest guy that you had ever known. He was someone that you could rely on whenever you needed help.

However, what you didn't know was that Ray had a kid. Well, of course he told you upon your first meet. But you ended up loving Sal. And eventually, you two end up being close. She's practically yours even though she's from a different relationship. That didn't matter to you, though.

You had noticed that Sal was feeling pretty awful. You knew exactly what it was. It was that time of month, and you just had your period a week prior. This was normal, since you two had been hanging around together for so long, you had synced together in the times you were supposed to have them.

You were about to send Sal chocolates and a heating pad their way, but Ray had already beaten you to it. There were a bunch of different candies on the bed. Almost any chocolate imagination. Kit-Kat's, Reese's, Hershey's ... Crunch, courtesy of Egon.

You were about to leave when you heard Sal call you over. Ray turns around, a smile appearing on his face, waving you over.

"Yeah, come join us!" He tells you, "I was just about to get to the part where Peter got slimed."

You couldn't help but to chuckle. You walk into the room. You lay next to Ray, immediately resting your head on his stomach. The dad bod just made everything so much better. His stomach was softer than the pillow you lay on.

"You're telling the Sedgwick Hotel story again?" You ask with a chuckle.

"Well, she wanted to hear it," Ray answered, "She said that it'll make her feel better."

You couldn't help but to smile at his response. That way Ray for you. He would do anything for his daughter and you admired him for that. This was your first experience at being a parent. But you had to remember that it was his, too.

You listen to Ray finish up the story. You can hear Sal giggle at a few of the parts. But by the end of it, she's asleep. You two stay with her in case she wakes up in pain again.

You look up at Ray. "You're a good dad," you say to him, "You know that, right?"

Ray looks down at you. For some reason that comment alone makes his heart flutter. His eyes soften as he looks at you. "You think so?"

You give a nod. "I know so," you answer.

He gives you a smile, slightly leaning down to kiss you on your forehead. "You're a good parent, too, you know," he says.

"Yeah, but not as good as you," you chuckle, "I'm still new at this."

"Well, me too," Ray told you, "This is my first and only kid. We're not gonna be experts."

"I know ..." You trail off.

"Hey," he says, "She loves you, you know."

"Does she?"

"Absolutely," Ray answers, "And we're learning this parent thing together. Everything is gonna be okay, alright?"

You give him a kiss to his cheek. "Alright," you answer.

─────────────── ✦ ───────────────

── ♡ ( AUTHOR'S NOTE! ) :

i decided to add some of the period stuff too. i hope you like it, though! :)

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[moonflwer-gutz]

What is spider Jonas relationship with all the spider people like?

oooo ok! ill try and get to as many as i possibly can-

pavitr - oh they are BUDDIES they are buddies. these two are so chaotic and don't even get me started when hobie gets in the mix too- Jonah knows not to say Chai Tea ok. since pav is so early into his spidey career, jonah's actually been showing him the ropes. he may not be the best teacher, but a lot of the older spideys are quite busy, and he's happy to help! he's fine with admitting that pav has a lot of natural talent tho. the two of them are like brothers man, always goofing around with each other. these are spider-men who CARE about their HAIR

hobie - god these two are LOUD AS FUCK. they have performed together actually. jonah can play bass! they like to play together quite often! hobie's "fuck the system" attitude mixes well with jonah's "mcpd doesn't do SHIT" mentality. he would bring hobie over to go deface some stuff if it weren't for uh. yknow- but yeah these two are constantly playing music, or screaming lyrics, or breaking shit wherever they go-

gwen - they're chill with each other! he actually really likes to watch her dance. he thinks its incredible that someone can be that graceful both in and out of being spider-man/woman. [cue montage of him being an absolute clutz out of the suit] and yes, she does play drums with him and hobie as well! drums, bass, and guitar! pav attempts to be vocals. attempts. they're still kinda lookin for a singer. he also feels really bad for her. he knows that she's essentially been homeless for the past few months and he wants to help out. she's asked if she could crash in his dimension a few times and he had to really gently say no. he'd give anything to help, and does do it where he can. but he can't let her over there. for her safety.

peter b - oh father figure!! father figure!! he reminds him so much of dave oh my god- yknow how gwen had that "will you adopt me?" moment with jess? that happened with jonah and peter b. jo actually appreciated learning the more mundane lessons about being spider-man from peter (i.e. washing the suit, making sure you don't give yourself muscle pain, etc-). he didn't really have anyone to tell him that part back home. peter tries to get jonah to open up about home but he always just deflects it with a joke or something. peter knows that there's something going on. he actually lets jonah crash in his house on some really bad occasions. mj is a bit off-put at this at first, but she realizes that peter really does care about this kid (he got that dad instinct yknow) so she softens up. she also takes a liking to him. speaking of dad instinct, jonah is really good with mayday actually! she really likes him! he makes her laugh! they're silly together yknow.

miguel - father figure part two. he reminds jonah more of mervin. he's the only one jonah confides in about his universe. he helps him calm his nerves about it, sometimes. in a weird kind of "it'll all work out. just canon events, you know this, jonah. your universe isn't going to hurt any of ours, it's well within its regulations." it's a weird kind of comfort but it works. it's better than nothing. he's loyal to miguel because he's brought him that comfort. that as long as he follows the rules, no one will get hurt. outside his universe that is. the way jonah sees it, the "canon event" thing means he did do all he could to save those that he loved. that no matter what he did, the ones that died were going to die and that was the end of it. it wasn't a happy thought, but it kept him from blaming himself for a bit. but then...

miles - the two got along right off the bat when he first showed up. he was just a chill kid. he had cool art, a good music taste, a sick suit! they clicked instantly! miles also being a younger spidey, jonah tried to show him some stuff too. but of course, when all the anomaly stuff hit, jonah was fighting alongside miguel. but then miles starts to kind of convince him...maybe canon events can be changed. maybe you can fight against them. and somehow that brings a weight off his shoulders. he can save people. he doesn't have to give up and let them die. in the end, he'd switch to miles' side. of course, he's still terrified at the prospect of his universe crashing into another, but there's something about miles' determination. his assurance that they can save those they care about. that spider-man can do both...it gives jonah hope that he can save his friend from losing himself completely. and that helps a lot.

[dykeomania]

Mia please I need advice on how to build a roster or even start going on dates w other women in the first place like I swear I’m not a loser I just don’t know where to start. For context I’m a femme lesbian who likes butches/mascs ….any advice will be appreciated thank u kindly ……

okay i am so bad at answering asks but i'm gonna try to give you a rundown and tell you some stuff based off of my experience

so i'm like pretty feminine presenting i guess (i dress "comfortably," tomboyish, idk), would not say i lean strictly masculine in terms of how i present myself. i keep my options pretty open. uhhh, i'm american, so i use like. dating apps in america. i'm 20. waves my hands. yktv ok just some context.

dating apps are fun. get into dating apps. i like hinge because you can set your location to wherever you want and it's free and that been be super useful if you happen to live in a small town or any place that doesn't have a big lesbo community. pro is that you can set your location wherever you want (set it to mass or anywhere in the upper northeast, bitches are gay as fuck up here -- by like uvm, mount holyoke, downtown boston, or new york, pennsylvania too surprisingly). con is that you can set it to anywhere you want, and that might put you in a long-medium distance situation so be ready for that/mindful of that or just have a car.

i would say that hinge is also good because it learns your taste after a while. so if you only swipe on masculine presenting women, then it'll pick up on that after a while and begin to only show you women who are masculine presenting. pretty cool

going on dates, and flirting with women. im not gonna say too much here bc you said you're not a loser so i think you got it but generally speaking like, when it comes time and you've got a girl in your dms and let's say you're somewhat close, don't hold back. if you catch a vibe, you can be like heyyyy im gonna be in your cityyyy dadadada we should go for coffee. let's link, let's do something. or let them know, and be like we should do something, and let them make the plans. keep them held to that. and by this point like, definitely make sure that 1) you know this person is real obvi 2) you've exchanged #s /socials with them, or at least after you've agreed to go on a date -- this is a me thing, it makes things feel a little more set in stone for me personally. and do not just settle for casual hookups. some women will hit you up on some like, oh let's just link or makeout or come to my dorm, and if that's your jam, i would say go for it but i would also caution you. however, if you want more than that there are a hundred percent women who are more than willing to like, take you ice skating, take you on a picnic, go for a walk somewhere, etc. don't settle. be patient, but don't settle

and when it comes to dating generally speaking, define your boundaries. say what it is that you want, and honor that, and honor what the other person wants as well. things may change, but it's important to make sure that everyone is on a good playing field before you really delve into things past like, a first date. things can be casual still obviously after the second date, third date, what may have you, however, but again, good comunication is important so just make sure that y'all are on the same page even if it's just casual and you're feeling things out. like, are you exclusive? do you wanna be? if you're gonna kiss at the end of your dates, make sure you both know what that means, if anything at all? etc.

and i guess the last and perhaps the most unhelpful thing is like, just keep your options very broad in terms of where you're looking but i'd also encourage you to be careful. i met some girls on my roster through like, a social media app meant for college students that i downloaded bc of my school (yik yak, dead ass). people pop up from anywhere.

i hope this was helpful. i kinda wanna say more but im trying to find things to say and it is hard because i am so sleepy

[weabooweedwitch]

not to be a debby downer and i'm sure everything will go fine and you'll have nothing to worry about but as someone who has had far too many bad experiences with men, do you have a plan for what you're going to do if it turns out your friend's intentions uhhhh extend beyond the bounds of a friendship if you catch my drift? I'm sure it will be ok and he sounds like a genuinely good friend but some men are dodgy out here and it can be especially hard to suss someone out online so it's always good to have an escape route mapped out in advanced yknow what I mean? (assuming you wouldn't be down for it lol idk your relationship)

Oh no for sure it is a perfectly valid concern and I don't blame you for being worried at all. Given my family history and background I myself am one of those "women should always be careful being alone with men" kinds of people

So uh this is something I have already considered because to be perfectly honest we did have. Some sexual tension in the past. And you know idk if he still feels any attraction to me. In the past it was just kind of being inappropriate with each other for a while but I eventually kind of started realizing "hey do I just get like unhealthy levels of attached to men who show me approval and such" and I kinda had a little baby crush on him and I wasn't exactly sure if that was like related to daddy issues but. That was in the past and im hoping he doesn't remember it but I think he'll probably be cool about it if he does but I hope he doesn't bring it up bc I'll be so embarrassed, I was a little wild back then emotionally and impulsively 💀

I mean I guess my overall stance is, if things were going good and he got a little flirty I would maybe be receptive to it but like it would be hard for us to have any sort of deeper relationship living in two different countries. Like ok so hypothetically we would bang or something but dating would be long distance and idk if my heart could take that so it's like is it worth sacrificing our friendship for something physical, I doubt I could be one of those friends with benefits, I have attachment issues that I don't think would mesh well, idk. Although to be perfectly honest going to see him isn't especially difficult, the expensive thing is mostly having to pay for a hotel while I visit because he has housemates, which, apparently Canada has one of the most expensive housing markets in the entire world and I think all of my Canadian friends either have multiple roommates or live with their parents which sounds scary haha, and we were randomly talking about US citizenship one day and how bullshit the process to renounce it was (I was speaking of it in regards to joking about moving to Europe) and he mentioned that it was a big reason he wasn't interested in US citizenship

So. I dunno. I guess my overall answer is "he's someone I trust and feel affection for at least platonically but I also recognize I have my own mental health issues and past trauma that can kind of affect how I interact and am influenced by men and maybe I should just avoid certain things entirely"

But until then he's asking if I would be interested in learning how to play MTG and he's asking me to bring soup to make into this dip and he bought some weed and it sounds like it'll be a lot of fun :) idk. I am mentally preparing myself for. Idk. Stuff. But there's no use making myself paranoid over it, and also my mom keeps trying to wig me out

We'll see fjdjfjfjf im probably going to intend to keep things chill and I don't have any fears of him trying to force me into anything but if things got too awkward like, I have my own motel room and money and can have the rest of my vacation by myself I guess

[mod2amaryllis]

This might be a bit out of nowhere but any advice or where to begin on becoming a vet tech? I currently have a job as a kennel assistant and I've decided I want to pursue vet work as a career but don't know where to start

that's exactly where i'd recommend you start, at a kennel! build confidence working with animals in a way lower-stakes environment (dogs are usually relaxed and happy at daycare/kennel, compared to the stress of being at the vet). unless you're already at a clinic? ok i'm gonna operate under the assumption that you're at a daycare/kennel.

all the following advice is usa specific. depending on where you live, you might need to get registered by taking the VTNE standardized test. i have an associate's degree in veterinary technology but never passed the test and am therefore not registered. in my area it hasn't been an issue because registration isn't required. nobody really cares as long as you can do the work, and i'm a shit test-taker yet a BALLER tech (also the test costs hundreds of dollars to retake). but again, i do have a degree, completed a full vet tech course, and my only option in the whole state was a private tech university which was waaaaaaaaay more expensive than it should be. like $40,000 student debt in a job that's infamously low paying. if i could do it again, i would NOT go to THAT school, because the other huge thing is: the clinical experience is where i learned 90% of what i needed to excel. if you have a more affordable schooling option like a community college or a university with scholarship options etc, do it!! but be wary of private schools, they're entirely profit driven.

if you're a kennel tech now and want to take the next step, then apply to be a kennel tech AT a vet clinic. kennel techs are usually there for janitorial duties and an extra set of hands for stuff like easy restraint. there's a big ol national veterinary staff shortage, you shouldn't have any trouble finding a clinic that's hiring. EVERYBODY hiring right now. bringing someone on as a kennel tech then eventually transitioning to vet tech/assistant is often the preferred way to hire from a training perspective, because starting with easier responsibilities and focusing on getting along with the rest of the team is less pressure than hiring a brand new TECH tech and loading them up with all the craziness right away.

now as far as the like....emotional side of things, i think i've already spoken extensively on how hard it gets. the first five years of fulltime teching was a roller coaster where the lows were a very very deep level of hell. now it's been 7 years going on 8, i'm part time, i'm the best at what i do, i've stayed with the same clinic and my pay is closer to what i deserve (it'll never ever be high enough lol), so i've finally reached a point of peace with this job. just be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better. one bit of advice from a trainer's perspective: when i'm hiring/training someone, the value that is way higher than your tech skills is how well you get along with the team. are you inquisitive and willing to learn? do you explicitly ask questions when you're not sure about something? are you respectful of doctors? do you keep a level head in a crisis? are you humble and willing to do the gross or mundane sides of the job? are you, like, cool? having those attributes makes you a good candidate, even if you're inexperienced. some of the best hires i've had were total newbies with great attitudes, and some of the worst hires i've had were seasoned techs who think they're hot shit and don't play nice with others. can't overstate how important teamwork is in this field.

if your plan is to eventually become a veterinarian, then this is where my expertise ends. <3 i have never wanted to be a vet, i'm settled in my career, i know nothing about vet school, go with god. <3

[wellthatschaotic]

What do we want to know?

E v e r y t h i n g .

*inhale* I CAN DO THAT (well. i mean. obviously not everything-everything that's like asking for everything about earth. there's a Lot. but i SURE CAN INFODUMP)

but i'm. putting it under a cut because sgljkjf

FIRST OFF: the world(s)

so there are multiple worlds but they're also the same world. picture like a venn diagram. on the left you got Earth, on the right you got Etheria, connected to Etheria but not Earth is Asteria, etc etc. in the overlap is the spots where "the veil is weak" and it's much easier to use magic to open "doors" to get to one world to the other. it also depends on what century/decade/year/season/etc. but sometimes it's so connected that you can fall through by Accident if you're not careful (but that's super rare). oh also time works slightly different in all the worlds. so for example if you stayed in etheria for a year then went back to earth it'd be either a few months or two years depending on how the worlds are shifting together.

SECONDLY: the history

the reason there are connected worlds is because a long time ago (like. a Long Long Time Ago) there was one big world and it was super magic and stuff. but a lot of humans decided magic was hard and started to invent normal technology/weapons/etc instead of working with the lands. so the more magical creatures (fae, elves, nymphs) were like "hey. you're uh. you're breaking stuff." and the humans were like "ok but doesn't my house look cool" and the nymphs were like "THAT'S MY BROTHER" and uh yeah things started to go not so well.

fast forward to tensions rising, people started taking sides of magic vs no magic. no magic people thought they were smarter and stuff because they could do stuff themselves, magic people thought they were smarter and stuff because they could use magic, and uh yeah they didn't really like eachother. it didn't help that there was already some like, alliances/enemies. so eventually both sides decided "fuck it go away" and the no magic side broke boundaries and the magic side started killing them with magic and it was Very Not Good. so a small group of people (whos names were lost to history) went "hey. this should stop". and BOOM the worlds were SEPARATED (but still connected because yeah).

earth is the no-magic world (though there is definitely some magic, but a lot less), etheria is the magic world. (those are the two primary worlds we use in our daydreams but there are other ones with fluctuating magic and species and stuff). gradually earth people forgot about it, and magic and its creatures was reduced to legend. etheria people also forgot about it, and kinda just assumed everyone had a little bit of magic. (there are also human kingdoms in etheria, though, but they do (for the most part) work with at least a little bit of magic)

oh also earthen supernatural species that preyed on humans (vampires for example) mostly came to earth because that's where like 95% of the humans went.

as mentioned before, earth does have some magic. but with time, humans kinda forgot how to magic. because they didn't use it. so now humans have very very little to no natural magic. HOWEVER some still have a little (like a recessive gene) and you can also learn it if you're careful. there are also little bits of magic trapped in shards and stones and things you can use (especially around the veil areas).

with etheria magic is like, the default. everyone has it. (the humans still have less, but they have a tiny connection to it that they can work to improve if they really want to).

magic in general is like a muscle. you gotta use it for it to be stronger, and if you don't use it it'll get weaker. there are even like exercises/tricks you can use to get stronger at certain areas. not using your magic for too long or letting it atrophy like that can be damaging to your magic itself and to the rest of your body (since everything in a body is all connected and stuff). so.

there are also some stereotypes about like "foods you can eat to boost magic" but that's all bullshit skojfs

there's also an organization on earth (that's kinda like the scp foundation but we didn't know what scp was yet-) who knows about magic and studies it and stuff. they're mean though. they're also trying to study and possibly break through the veil, which would be Bad. yeah overall they're not nice guys.

OH ALSO one magic trick you can do (if you know how to) that i think is cool is look at someones eyes and see if they're human or not. if you're really really good at it you can also tell if they're lying/telling the truth by making Aggressive Eye Contact /lh

anyway hope that was entertaining and i can certainly continue if you like >:D

[rayroa]

Hiss Golden Messenger Q&A for Creative Loafing Tampa Bay (2024)

Photo by Graham Tolbert/All Eyes Media

I'm gonna put some ear buds in here then it'll sound a whole lot better.

OK, and let me know if it sounds bad because sometimes it does sound bad on here. I've been listening to Pecker Power today, on your recommendation. 

Oh, really? Yeah, follow that. Follow that page?

Yeah, my buddy told me to follow it. And it's great because you forget that it's you. It's just like a picture of a record in your feed. And then you just make a decision for that  moment. ‘Yeah, alright. Let me find that, man.”

I love having that weird little Instagram account that's not trying to sell people anything—nothing. I'm just talking about dorky music stuff. It's kind of like my vibe right now. 

And you have The Kitchen Speculator, too. It's cool that you have these outlets to communicate. It's like a less cynical version of social media, or iteration…

That's right, man, I'm trying to keep it kind of keep it pure.

Hey, I know that fall is your favorite season, but I can imagine that the winter is kind of beautiful in the North Carolina Piedmont. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember listening to a podcast or something where you talked about your mom's felt Christmas ornaments with these bells on them. I was wondering, since we're in January, is yours the kind of family that has a tree still up? And do your kids know the sentimental value of the ornaments?

Do they know the sentimental value of the ornaments? Yes, definitely. I don't know if they see it as heavily as I do, but they definitely are aware which ornaments came from my mom. And no, we don't keep the tree up because I love the pageantry of the season—there's something very nostalgic and comforting about things like Christmas lights for me—but I also really appreciate the moving on of January and the feeling of a fresh start if you need it. I kind of think deep into the season and also I'm ready to move on, so I think we had our tree out of the house like just a few days after Christmas probably.

That's an aspirational thing for a lot of families, so it's cool to hear that you have your house in order to that degree.

It's really how I'm wired though. I'm a little bit of an OCD kind of person. So it kind of is in line with that.

Yeah, you gotta check these boxes. You gotta get through the day. I mean, it's kind of a less sexy version of getting a stone up a hill, you know, let me get this tree down first, and move on to the other stuff.

Yeah, kind of.

By the way, I realize there's no way we can like adequately talk about songs in 20 minutes, and I think a lot of people have said a lot of things about Jump For Joy already, so I'm just gonna let those songs kind of speak for themselves and maybe ask some kind of other questions around the band and whatnot.

You've mentioned that the songs are kind of like a long postcard between you and a younger, maybe teenage, version of yourself. And in a way the record's also kind of recalibration of your songwriting, and you're wearing hope, in a way, on this record, and I was thinking about that word "recalibration." And then I was thinking of the band and the fact that Hiss Golden Messenger doesn't do the same show twice—that's a lesson you learned from elders. I want to ask you about this live set. I know after that initial run, you said that the band is sounding good, and the shows are pretty uplifting for everyone. Especially now. Everything considered in the world. Simple question, and I'm sorry, I don't know the answer already. But who is in the band for this spring run coming to Tampa?

Yeah, the band is and has been for several years: Chris Boerner, playing electric guitar, Sam Fribush on organ and piano, Alex Bingham plays bass, and Nick Falk plays the drum kit.

Perfect, and the Hiss Mobile recording unit will be on tour as well. I'm wondering, to stay on that recalibration, Mike. I know that you unpack a tour after a run. How has that recalibration kind of manifested itself within the context of the band? Can you tell me a little bit about how the songs from Jump For Joy have already changed as the shows stack up? And what have these songs revealed to you about themselves in this context, and this run?

It's interesting to take a new record out on the road because we had played a lot of these songs a lot during 2023 before we recorded them, but not in the way that we have been over the past two or three months. The more times you play a new song, the more you learn about how it's working in that sort of heightened or amplified, emotional, state of a live show. And you also see how it's working for the audience. There might be a song that seems like a home run for the audience, and it just isn't like connecting the way that you thought it would and, and conversely, you're gonna find a song that you might have had a question mark about just in terms of how to present it—and it becomes its own.

A song like "Jesus Is Bored " on Jump For Joy. I love that song. I have a super-deep connection to that song; in a lot of ways it kind of feels like a thesis for the record, but it's not the loudest song, it's not the fastest song. I just didn't quite know what kind of quality it would take on live, and it's taken on a really beautiful thing that kind of unfurled really slowly and in a really extended fashion. That's not something I was anticipating at all, but it went there, and I was like, 'This is how we play this song for people.' That's one example of how stuff has started to exist off that record.

That's awesome, and I like hearing your talk about feeling the audience and being aware of it. I think some people would assume that some performers kind of blackout and I guess, to some degree they do on stage, but it's cool to hear that you still get to live in that moment of the live experience that you're creating in this space. 

It's a transcendental state for me. So my experience of it is, like I said, is heightened for sure—emotionally, physically. But at the same time, I can feel the energy in the room even if I'm not looking at the audience directly in the eyes, I can feel what the energy is. I would say I'm usually pretty on the money about what an audience wants, what an audience needs, what an audience can take. This is just stuff that, when you spent enough time on stages in front of people, you start to learn how—you can read it.

In that vein, and that kind of context, transcendental memory in that state, are you able to remember anything about geographic locations? Like can you remember, how crowds in Florida have made you feel or is it not like that?

Oh my god, that's a good question. I mean, I want to be diplomatic about it.

I mean, it's OK to be forgettable man.

I don't want to be that dude in the paper that's complaining about the place that he's playing. That's not a good look at all.

Listen, there's a lot to complain about in Florida from a legislative standpoint, historically there are some things...

You don't need more from me. OK, I'll put it this way. I'm fascinated with Florida. I'm not against Florida, you know what I mean? And the last time we played in Tampa, I think, was at a festival many years ago.

It was called Gasparilla Music Festival.

Yeah. And I had a fucking great time. I thought it was really cool. And I thought, 'Tampa seems cool. I'm into this place.' So if I had to talk specifically about my experience with Tampa, that's what it would be: I had a great time in Tampa.

And Tampa has changed a lot, I think as much in the same vein as it has up there with you guys as far as people's concerns about affordability and who matters and what voices get amplified and acknowledged and conversations from a civic standpoint, and things like that. So I think our regions have experienced similar growth. 

No doubt.

I want to ask you about November 27 Kitchen Table Speculator. You opened with poems from Diane di Prima and Joy Harjo. You talked about the possibility of a sunset on an empire and whatever this collective thing is that we're witnessing, but then you also talked about holding on to joy and pain and magic and fear all at once—you know, back to getting that stone up the hill. Sorry to kind of bring it down here, but I think I heard somewhere that in spite of all this narrative about joy and this album, in some ways, you're still like the same depressed guy, but you kind of alluded to how the band is bringing some joy and happiness. I'm wondering chemically, or in the inner wiring, how and in what fashion does it change you to play these "happier less cynical songs" every night? Or does it all stay up there, then you get back to the world when it's over.

I mean, this is a multi-part question. First of all, I wouldn't say that I'm the same old depressed guy. And I don't know that I ever would have described myself like that. I definitely struggle with depression and probably always will in some fashion, but also think of myself as a very fun, funny person that can be as light and easygoing or as heavy as the situation calls for. Probably, if you were to ask my bandmates, "Is Mike as heavy as some of the songs might make them feel?," they would say like, "Not at all." So that's that part.

I think that Jump For Joy, in so many ways, is totally consistent, thematically, with the music that I've made all throughout my life as Hiss Golden Messenger. I think that I was working really rhythmically and thinking a lot about tempo for Jump For Joy, and that was very intentional. But in terms of the way the songs exist, the chords that get used, the things that were troubling me, or bringing me joy and peace—that stuff on Jump For Joy feels like it's pretty consistent with the rest of my work. I feel like what people are reacting to when they think of this record as more joyful, which I would agree with, is just the musical feel of  the record, if that makes sense. 

No, it does. I think from the get go—even on your lo-fi recordings, which I spent some time listening to in the run up to this interview, and revisiting those—there is still this devotion to groove throughout the whole thing.

That's what I'm saying, man. Even the Hiss Golden Messenger songs that are at the slowest tempo, everything always grooves. That's always been almost the most important musical quality of what I do as Hiss, I think. Everything has to feel like it's in the pocket, it's in some kind of pocket, you know? That's really important to me.

Now that you're saying that kind of that out loud, I think of my first—you know, you only get one first time listening to a band—but those first few listens, I think, is interesting how Hiss music does kind of embed itself within whatever tempo you have going on in your life and sometimes Hiss music doesn't fit with whatever's going on in your day at the time, and you realize that, "Oh, this isn't the record for me right now. I gotta find something else." So I've always appreciated that about your music, for sure.

I want to ask you about mystery. I think you've talked about kind of craving mystery and this time of digital media, and endless access and over exposure in a way. What is your mind wandering and wandering about and around today?

I'm working on a lot of projects right now that are Hiss adjacent. I feel like I am just starting a quest—and who knows how long it's gonna last—to find my way back into not knowing, if that makes sense. I'm trying to find my way back to a feeling of mystery and magic. I want that to be the first feeling that I feel when I pick up an instrument. And I'm not saying that I don't feel that already, but it just occurs to me in this moment of our time, that that feels almost like the most important part of music, both as a listener and as a creator—the mystery. So I'm really honing in on that feeling whenever and wherever I can find it. I feel like certainly, part of this year for me is going to be about encountering the mystery, the not knowing, the freshness, the experimentation—encountering it wherever I can find it.

And it's such a wonderful excuse to really work on you're listening, too, whether it's physically listening with your ears or just body listening and emotionally trying to be quiet and tune in.

That's right, man. That's right.

By the way, I liked that you mentioned that you're probably funnier than people might think you are because when I found out that Johnny Fritz was in your “Nu-Grape” video, I immediately went to it because I think he's like, the funniest and best like songwriter with a replaced hip out there.

I mean, that guy is so fucking funny.

But you met the moment in that video. I feel like you two had good, parallel, complimentary performances that were rooted in humor.

Oh, dude. He made that video. I don't even really know Johnny that well, but I'm a fan. It feels like we know each other kind of well now. But before that video, as we were conceptualizing what it was going to be, who, all that stuff, I was like, "We're gonna get Johnny Fritz. It's really like the only way that this concept works, or someone like Johnny Fritz." But I couldn't think of anyone else. I love being with him because he's so funny, and has so many different characters, but he's also a super deep, super smart dude—he's not turned on like that all the time. He's also like a real deep cat.

The songs really mess you up when you're listening to him. He's got those records that like they'll kind of hit you on like the eighth or ninth kind of listen, and you're like, "What did he just say?" You thought it was a song about riding in a tour van,  then you realize that he kind of deconstructed this emotion inside of you about abandonment and things like that and it feels intentional once you kind of see it. know?

And I'm sure it is. He's an extremely astute person.

I know we're kind of getting short on time. Mike. I want to kind of go back to happy songs, sad songs, and I want to talk about how those emotions are kind of complex in their own way. Some would believe those emotions are complementary. I know that there is an art to finding the language to write songs about happiness. You mentioned you know, "Jesus Is Bored" as a song that's kind of transformed for you in the live setting, but do you feel like there are songs on Jump For Joy that include both happiness and sadness, in a way, and using language that you're pretty proud of? As far as being a songwriter and being a person?

I think every song on the record is a combination of both at the same time because I've always wanted that to be my mission as a songwriter: to be able to convey like the fullness of being a human—as grandiose or as lofty is that sounds—to convey the fullness of being a human in a song. Part of that, for me, feels like this idea that not everything is either happy or sad. My experience of the world as I walked through it is that everything is both of those at the same time. I mean, not everything, but you know what I mean? My experience mostly is that I'm feeling both at the same time. And I've really chased that ambiguity intentionally over the years with some very specific things that I do technically, from tuning a guitar in a certain way to like leaving the chords very undefined. So yeah, it's a little bit of a cop out answer, but I really think my best songs are songs that feel happy and sad at the same time.

That's a great answer, especially for at the end of a short interview, which I know we're at the end here, and I wanted to kind of leave with this question, maybe. You mentioned you know this mission for this year about encountering that mystery, that not knowing the freshness, that experimentation, and trying to touch it wherever you can find it. Can you maybe tell me—I don't know maybe from a mechanical standpoint or practice standpoint—what does getting small and quiet look like for you? Like, how do you get there?

Well, getting small and quiet isn't the same for me as encountering the mystery because I've actually been doing a lot of work with a lot of different musicians lately. It has been kind of cacophonous in a way. But to answer your question of what it means to get small and quiet, I mean, I think it means me going back to the room that I write in, with a guitar or whatever instruments, and a notebook and, seeing what happens. Sort of surrounding myself with the creative input that still fuels me. There's tons and tons of poetry in this house, there's tons of records, and this is just my place. There's tons of guitars and amplifiers. It's just my place to be sort of quiet and meditative, I guess.

Well, Tampa will be grateful when you get out of that place and come visit us for a few and I think we would all like to join you on the Kamayo Cruise but we'll let you eat cruise food for three days on your own there.

Cruise Food. That's a good name for a band.

It is a great name for a band—that should actually be the sequel to "Nu-Grape," just call it “Cruise Food.”

Haha, that's funny. OK, dude. Well, thank you so much. Thanks for the good questions, actually, they were great.

I really enjoyed talking to you. And thank you for making the time for me and thank you for all your music. It's, been great to have in my life. So I hope you have a great week.

Thank you, brother. Thank you, I appreciate that.

Of course. Bye.

[dizzydesi53]

New Territory

She scurried off into her room, closing the door. I'm still facing the wall she had been against, my forehead resting against the cool surface.

I need to calm down, a part of me is contemplating going into her room and picking up where we left off. when she said stop I had to use all my willpower not to toss her down and take what I craved! I was so close to just marking her neck, making her mine. ill have to settle for putting my scent all over her.

A scent she seemed to really like. She lost control when she smelled me, it's good to know I'm not the only one whos affected by this. but if she's affected by me, then why'd she stop? did I do something wrong?

it'll be fine, I've got a month. that should be plenty of time to convince her.  I start by looking around, finding out a little about her. I dug into her background so I know a little. she has a massive collection of anime stuff ranging from DVDs to figurines. her living room has art all over the walls and there are even sections of the walls she's painted patterns and intricate designs on. it feels like something out of a Studio Ghibli movie. I poke around some of the other rooms, she's got an office littered with comics and manga.

after a while, I get the sense she's not coming out without a fight so I decide the sensible thing to do is barge into her space and take it over. I walk in to find her on her plush bed holding her head in her hands.

"Y/N,  you ok?"

her head jerks up

"What are you doing in my room get out!"

ignoring her I start looking around. She's got a small bookshelf full of Harlequin romance novels. her walls are plastered with heavy metal and rock band posters.

"I like your apartment, we'll come back later and get the rest of your stuff. you packed your clothes yet?"

I ask knowing the answer is no. So while I'm talking I pull the empty bag she has next to her and starts going through her drawer's pulling out random articles of clothing and shoving them in the bag.

I get to the bottom drawer

"Stop, not that drawer!"

she tries to shove me out of the way and away from the drawer.

"what ya hiding here little mate"

smirking I use my feathers to hold her off while I look in the drawer.

I have an instant hard-on.

it's full of nothing but lacy panties and frilly bras, even some lingerie all in different colors. looking at her she's extremely embarrassed. her face is a beautiful Scarlett that dusts her cheeks and nose. I can't look at her without picturing her beautiful body in the colorful lace in the drawer. I groan, reaching for her, needing to touch her and feel her against me! She backs up, gracefully avoiding me. I let her go, not willing to make her even more uncomfortable.

I grabbed up a handful of her underwear from the drawer, I noticed all of it still had tags on and stuffed it into her bag, and zipped it up. I walked back through her living room to her balcony. She follows behind grabbing shoes and pulling them on while I open the door.

"ready to go?"

"no"

she glared at me, her arms crossed over her chest in defiance. my first instinct was to let loose my more dominant pheromones but of course that did nothing to persuade her. so I used what I'd learned recently.

"chicken?"

she scoffed her irritation written all over her face as well as the need to prove me wrong. I find it amusing that she reacts when goaded. She stormed over to the balcony and took off, I was close behind. night had fully fallen and we had a fantastic view of the city lit below us. soon I'd guided her to land on the balcony of my penthouse.

her jaw dropped, and I smirked at her reaction. it was one of the perks of being the number 2 hero that I enjoyed.

"This is my new apartment?"

here's where my fun would really start, but I doubt she's going to be too happy with the situation. But if I'm being fair, how can I possibly convince her to be my mate if she doesn't get to know all sides of me?!

"Well, it's yours ...and mine"

her face paled highlighting her golden freckles. She backed up away from me

"I'm not staying here with you!"

"why not, chicken? this way you can better assist me for the month that you'll be here, and I can better convince you to be with me."

"It's your convincing that I'm trying to avoid."

I grabbed my chest in overexaggerated wounding.

"ouch! What have you got to be so worried about?"

I walked toward her, backing her toward the doors to the penthouse. her arms were up, trying to ward me off from stalking her.

"is it that ill kiss you?"

I moved my arms to cage in her head and pushed her hips against the glass with my hips. she gasped, her hands trying to push my chest away. I brought our faces close together, my nose brushing hers. I know she could feel my breath against her lips. her breaths turned hectic as they had before. her wings shivered against her back.

"or is it that you like kissing me?"

I ground my cock into her hips making her moan! I watched her body change imperceptibly. her hands moved from pushing me away to pulling me into her more by grabbing my biceps. her back arched pushing her generous tits into my chest. but the most notable change to her demeanor was her face. her pupils were blown, her breathing was hectic little pants across my jaw and as I watched she licked her lips unconsciously.

instead of kissing her beautiful, luscious, soft, kissable lips, I decided to toy with her more. I let my lips trail down her jaw. nipping her skin, when what I really wanted to do was bite down hard, and mark her slim neck so that everyone knew I was the one she belonged to. I groaned against her skin, pulling away. the last thing I needed was to lose control and force-mark her.

I grab the handle of the door next to her hip, twisting it and letting the door swing open. quick as..well me, I swooped down and pick her up bridle-style before she hit the ground. she looked dazed and she unconsciously touched her lips. She took deep breaths and then stiffened in my arms

she looked around cautiously like she was in unknown territory. which she was... my territory. her territory very very soon. I carried her directly to my bed, not letting her go despite her squirming or protests.

she glared at me

"This is your room isn't it?!"

"no, it's our room!"

she moved to get up but I blocked her.

"you won't find another place to sleep. Both spare rooms are being used for storage."

"ill sleep on the couch!"

"Great, then ill just get rid of the couch tomorrow!"

I need her in my arms, it's not even about sex although I can't deny I have an overwhelming need for her. I want her stuffed full of my cock and my cum. I was secretly hoping that I'd find her when she went into heat.

but there's another need just as strong for her to be near me always. for her touch. so even if it's just holding her while she sleeps ill be fine with that. I have to be, I can't have her running away, she's it! the one I've been waiting for.

~

so that's what he's up to. he just wants me to sleep with him, and he's pretending that I'm his mate to get in my pants because I didn't fall all over him as his stupid fans do. I'm so pissed

it's not helping that his amazing cologne, the woodsy summery smell still reminds me of days at a lake cannonballing in. It's not helping that now the smell makes me think of hot languid kisses he could give me or where he could give me those kisses.  That smell is everywhere!

I can't sleep in the same bed with such a man! ill end up doing something either remarkably stupid or embarrassing, like drooling into the pillow.

wait! Why do I care!! why are my hormones all over the place? I've never had trouble controlling myself before. that's why I still have a V card. I've never been out of control, never wanted someone as fiercely as I seem to want him, and it's infuriating that it's him, that it's happening at all! this whole situation is unpredictable and uncharted territory and I'm unsure what to do.

I groan and put my hands in my face before I finally make a decision. he's been standing in the doorway staring at me with a smug look on his face this whole time. Grabbing the massive amount of pillows on the bed I build a wall down the middle to block me from him, then I crawl under the covers and cover my head with blankets.

I hear him chuckle before the bed dips on his side. he knocks all the pillows off the bed and grabs me dragging me into him. it's like I was dipped into a warm bath, he curls into my back making sure my wings were neatly tucked around me.

he buried his face in the crook of my neck making me jump and him laugh. despite my best efforts, I relaxed and slowly fell asleep in his arms. he was just so warm.

~

she slumped against me, her breathing deep and even. I couldn't help but grin against her neck. I had her in my nest, in my arms. she was finally here now I just have to convince her to stay. I know she wants to be as far away from me as possible but I suspect that's just because she's scared.

I trace my fingers up and down her arm, marveling at the beautiful flowers tattooed there. lillies and roses. I can even see a few butterflies. I wonder why she picked this tattoo. I want to know everything about her.

I squeeze her a little closer and slowly drift off, imagining our life together.

[les-maisons-toutes-pareilles]

19/01/2023

I saw my therapist today and then I had time at school to use the equipment and work on a school project. It was a nice session, we talked about something else than what we did last time and I'm happy about that but I did not expect us to talk about this subject out of everything that I've written down in my diary. It's often like that with my therapist, but then again I sort of prefer it this way. He gave me some sort of homework too. I'm gonna have to make comics with Octobre and I guess learn how to draw at the same time. I don't want to stress it but I want to do something at least, ecen if just one panel.

I talked to my mum. I told her about me having bpd, about my meds, and about why I also wanted a cat. She still agrees I can have one. I told her I might go see a breeder if I can't adopt for now and she's ok with it. It felt weird but good to finally say it all out.

I've been thinking about them as well. So so much. Almost everyday of my journal is about them in some way. I've ttold my therapist about wanting to contact them again but feeling like I'm not ready because I am not sure I have done enough work. Especially interpersonal stuff, and direted at this relationship specifically. No answer from the other one, but I've contacted someone I've seen from behind a glass door for now and it went ok. I don't know what I'm doing but this is what is going on and honestly I don't have enough mental energy to search further than that.

I've seen a really cool tattoo that reminds me of my rage and I'd love to have it on my leg. I'm not sure I have enough money but I can ask how much they ask for it and then start saving. I also need to save for if I want to be able to see the concerts I want to see (and maybe my birthday little holiday?), all these trips are gonna be expensive and I don't have that much money left. I should try and find another job. First I'll contact the dude from the premiere and then maybe cafes and bars. I have 200 from the insurance and my therapy sessions but I don't think it'll be enough haha. Plus the cat is expensive too.

I managed to open my cassette corder and make it work but I think my cassette is too big and I can't close the lid...But it's made me want to make that mixtape so bad. I have a few songs. Some that remind me of them but some I want to give them. I need to work on it.

Listening to : This Far by The Land Below

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Knock Knock Knockin' on Hooty's Door" from The Owl House

Wow. They are really pushing it for that secret message, huh?

Anywho--Salutations, random people on the internet who certainly won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons!

I think it goes without saying at this point that Season Two of The Owl House is setting itself up as a season without filler. Now, filler episodes aren't always bad. Yes, it hurts when a series turns away from the main plot for a week. But at best, they're utilized as a chance for the writers to play around with the characters and developing said characters without it relating to the overarching story. So, some people who see that consider it a bad thing that a series doesn't have that many filler episodes.

I like to call those people: F**king morons.

Don't get me wrong, I see where some of you are coming from. And I'd be willing to agree...if The Owl House was a plot-driven series. Which it's not. It is a character-driven series. Because for every plot thread and narrative that the show presents, they always relate to the characters and develop them further each time these threads get brought up. For example, look at "Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty's Door" (It pains me just to write that). Several narratives move forward, and it’s all done to make the characters grow. And to explain how requires going into spoilers. So keep that in mind as you continue reading.

Now, let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Hooty: Might as well start with the character that this episode is about.

To tell you the truth, I wasn't a huge fan when I found out we're getting a Hooty-centered episode. I've grown to love him over time, but he is a comedic character that's best used in small doses. Primarily due to how his voice is grating to me (My ears are still bleeding...). With that said, I do really love his contributions in "Knock Knock Knockin' on Hooty's Door" (Seriously, there couldn't have been a less awkward title?). Hooty's antics when trying to help everyone are as hilarious as they are heartwarming. He deeply cares for his friends but just doesn't understand how his plans could do some unintended harm, which is pretty lovable if you ask me. We also get some surprisingly great insight into his character, as he feels insecure about basically being the comic relief who doesn't really do that much other than being funny. Rarely do you get that level of dimension from a comedic character, and it's even more uncommon for that to work out as well as it does here. It once again proves just how competent the writing is in this series to the point where we get an episode about Hooty, and it's funny and heartwarming instead of being annoying. And whoever is responsible for that, you're the best.

Lilith’s Letter to Hooty: I mean it when I say that I love how Lilith kept her word about her and Hooty becoming penpals. Their friendship was something I would have never expected to love, and I'm still shocked that it works so well, so seeing it continue like this just warms me to the bone. Plus, it is pretty sweet that Lilith's kind words are what inspired Hooty to do what he's done in this episode...meaning it's Lilith we should thank here--SON OF A WITCH! Even when she's gone, she's still working her way into my heart!

King going through Puberty: What?! KING IS EVOLVING!

(There, I made a Pokemon reference. Do I get my cookie now?)

Eda Keeping Herself Awake to Train Herself: I'm willing to bet a large sum of money that this has everything to with Raine getting captured last week. If Eda was still the most powerful witch in the Isles, she might have actually saved them. But she isn't, and now the love of her life is in the clutches of a tyrant planning something that could potentially be the end of everything. So I can understand Eda pushing herself to her limit to get back on top again, as I would probably do the same. It's not healthy in any way, and Eda would be doing more harm than good. But when it comes to the people you love, logic doesn't always win out in the end.

Luz Wanting to Make her Way into Amity’s Heart by Making the Echo Mouse Happy: ...That's it. I Just...I just love everything about it, ok?

This was also when I knew that I was wrong to doubt that there would be zero Lumity in this episode. I realize my follies now, and I humbly apologize.

Hooty Teaching King About Demons: This was so funny. So, so funny. Probably doesn't come as a surprise, especially since The Owl House proves itself as a comedy before, but the jokes have never hit as frequently and as hard as they did here. From Hooty getting offended by King's dance to him and Dana's insert wanting a "DNA sample," everything managed to successfully make me lose my s**t. It does come at the expense of King suffering, but I can stomach that much more than if it were Eda or Luz. And, as a bonus, we get lore about how demons work, added with another great joke of King getting in trouble with Hooty for saying he already knows this stuff. Humor isn't always the show's strong suit, but when it works, it f**king works.

King Wanting to Know What he Is: But despite how funny King's vignette was, we still get to see more of his character grow. We learn that he's frustrated now that there's this big question mark over his life now, feeling extra angry that his father "abandoned" him to leave such a present mystery. It shows the hidden resentment he has that Lilith inadvertently brought out, made even worse when King's father hasn't responded to the video yet. King hasn't really gotten that much development until "Echoes of the Past," so it's pretty cool that the writers haven't really slowed down on it. Especially when it leads to these great moments of King venting his frustrations.

King’s Shouting Powers: KING learned FUS RO DAH!

(And now that's a Pokemon reference AND a Skyrim reference. WHERE'S MY GOSH DANG COOKIE!?)

Eda’s Nightmare: If King's vignette hits you hard with the laughs, Eda's will absolutely hit you harder with the feels (never make me say "feels" unironically again). Knowing that Eda's life got thoroughly screwed over by the curse is something we could figure out on her own. But seeing just how much the curse ruined her life and tore apart relationships that mean the world to her really does a swell job at ripping apart the soul. What's even more tragic is, technically speaking, it's all sort of Eda's fault too. She kept hiding the curse, refusing to be a burden to others who would do all they could to help. If she had only been open and honest, things probably wouldn't have changed much, but they most likely would have been better than they are now.

Eda Attacked her Father as the Owl Beast: ...I don't know what I was expecting when "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances" hinted that there was some possible tension between Eda and her father...but it definitely wasn't this.

The fact that we see blood where his eye used to be doesn't make things any happier, either.

Raine Broke Up with Eda: Before we get into anything else, let's celebrate the fact that it's now confirmed that Eda and Raine really did use to date in the past. Because this show is just f**king phenomenal with its LGBTQA+ representation!

But, seriously, this is a fantastic reveal that goes far beyond just shipping...well, sort of. It shines a new light on Eda and Raine's interactions from last week, revealing that while they're not a couple anymore, they still very much love each other. It helps make their last interaction especially tragic, as they were both on the same page now and could very well be together again. Only for them to be forced apart for the second time in a way that's much worse than the first. And I frickin' adore that this series changes the impact of one episode one week later. Again, it shows just how competent these writers are, and kudos to them for making something so...perfect.

The Moon Person: WHO THE FU--Nope. Nope! We have more than enough mystery bulls**t to deal with through CreepyLuz and Philip Wittebane, so I am PUTTING YOU ON THE BACKBURNER FOR NOW!

(They're probably nothing more than a one-off character, anyway)

The Owl Beast and Eda are Connected: Through visuals alone, we, the audience, can clue into what the curse really means. The Owl Beast doesn't want to be a part of Eda as much as she doesn't want it to be a part of her. Whether they like it or not, and they very much don't, they're stuck together. The thing is, and this is what I love the most, they still decide to make the best of their situation rather than let it ruin their lives even more. This might be the best possible turn Eda's curse could have made. It'll still affect her, and there are probably more negatives than positives, but at least now, it's not the worst thing in the world. And I feel like that's all anyone can ask when in a position like her own.

Eda's “Pretty Dream”: I don't know what emotions are toiling inside me more with this moment. Awe and wonder over how beautiful Eda's dream is, or heartbreak over the implication that she has only had nightmares since getting cursed...I'm gonna say both. Yeah, it's definitely both.

Eda’s Harpie Form: Well, fan artists are gonna have a field day with this...especially the freaks.

(You know who you are. And you're weird!)

Luz Calling Amity a “Cotton-Candy Haired Goddess”: ...Have I ever mentioned how much I love this show?

Hooty Kidnapped Amity: ...Hooty, if your stupidity wasn't charming, I would be more than willing to call the authorities over how you kidnapped a girl in your version of a knapsack and locked her in the basement. For that is going to ring SO MANY alarm bells in people's heads.

Amity and Luz Stuck in a Tunnel of Love: *Smacks lips* Mmm. The adorable awkwardness of this moment is just *chef's kiss* magnifique!

Luz being afraid of getting made fun of:

Amity’s look of hope: I mean...just...f**king--LOOK AT HER:

That is the look of a girl who, while embarrassed as hell, still is ecstatic to learn for a brief moment, everything that she is hoping for has a high chance of being real. Who, in their right mind, wouldn't go "Aw!" at something so pure and innocent?!

Luz Destroying the Tunnel of Love: This is how to effectively utilize dramatic irony. The audience can understand why Luz is tearing the place apart because she explicitly states that she's afraid of Amity rejecting her in the end. They also know that's bogus, thus making it extra painful to watch Amity's heart break more and more with each second (which is perfectly represented through Amity's expressions). You feel bad for both of them, and even worse when you know that it can easily be prevented by the simple art of communication. That's what makes it great dramatic irony. Knowing the point of view of each character results in a scene that evokes emotions in two different ways.

Hooty’s Breakdown: This was...genuinely hard to watch. Not that it was badly written, far from it. It just...hurt seeing how destroyed Hooty was when he realized he failed the people he has such an admiration for. On the upside, a wholesome moment follows soon after as the Owl House gang tries to reassure Hooty that he's done a lot of good that night. It's a pure action that shows even though Hooty gets on their nerves all the time, they still care about him...damn it. I think I'm gonna cry.

Eda’s Advice for Luz: ...Eda...You're the best.

You found out that your surrogate daughter wants to ask a girl out, and not only were you quick to deliver the best possible advice ("Just go for it!"), but you also quickly reassure her that it doesn't need to be perfect.

And you know what? That's it. Eda is the best cartoon mom! She might not technically be Luz's mom, but I don't give a s**t because she is the best!

Luz and Amity Ask Each Other Out: Shh-sh-sh-sh...

Do you hear that?

...

...

...It's the sound of dozens of Lumity fans collectively losing their s**t...and I'm one of them.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

IT!

IS!

CANON!

AH-HAHAHAHAHA!

HOLY S**T! Holy s**t! Holy s**t...might just be the best way I could possibly describe this! Finally, after all the waiting, speculating, and praying, THESE TWO IDIOTS FINALLY GOT TOGETHER! AND IT WAS PERFECT! I mean, it was awkward as s**t, but that's what makes it perfect! You know why? You wanna--Hey! *snaps fingers*. You want to know why? It's because they're teenagers. Of f**king course, it's going to be awkward! This is their first relationship, so there will be a lot of missteps along the way. And that, in itself, brings me to the best (second best part?) thing about it happening in episode eight of the new seasons. Most endgame couples get together in the climax or even at the end of the series. But to have them get together this early on, means there will be quite a few episodes dedicated to showing them grow as a couple.

And better than that--EVEN F**KING BETTER THAN THAT--dozens of kids are going to see these two, a realistic depiction of young love that just so happens to involve two girls, and are going to learn once and for all that there is nothing wrong with being who they are. That fact alone is f**king incredible. Yes, it sucks that season three got cut short, and we'll have even less time with Luz and Amity, but knowing how many kids have felt seen today almost makes it worth it in the end.

And if I see one mother f**ker saying this was poorly paced, I might just hunt them down for SPORT...Sorry if that was an overreaction. I'M JUST SO HAPPY! Because they're happy! Look at them. Listen to them! It's so...GAH-HAHAHA!

“They’re adorable! And deserve all the happiness!”: You're darn right, Hooty! You're darn right.

King’s Father(?) Shows Up: What the--WHAT?! They're doing this now?! Here?! After everything else?

Oh, man. What could this mean? What dynamic changes will this cause in the main cast? How could the writers fit this in during the next two episodes? And what--

Hooty Eats the Letter: ...Pfffft--HAHAHAHA!

Oh, man...I should be mad, and I wouldn't blame others if they are...but that is too much of a brilliant f**k you that I can't help but appreciate it. Bravo writers. Bravo.

WHAT I DISLIKED

...Dislikes? Dislikes? You would honestly believe that after everything I witnessed in this episode, that I would have the gull to list anything wrong with it?!

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME THAT I WOULD BE SO CALLUS TO--Actually, I do kind of have an issue with the episode's title. It's just too much of an awkward mouthful for me to get behind. I understand that the writers wanted to sneak the K into the secret message, but were there really no other titles starting with K that they couldn't come up with?

But that's just a personal issue, and in no way do I think anybody else would feel the same way. Especially with how well-written everything else is anyway.

IN CONCLUSION

"Knock Knock Knockin' on Hooty's Door" (title aside) is another A+ episode. It was hilarious, heart-wrenching, and downright adorable while keeping me entertained with every minute. I'm sure there are some issues I was willing to ignore due to how expertly written everything else was, but why bother looking for the chinks in the armor when I could just enjoy a perfect episode for being so...perfect! Some of you might be willing to disagree with me, but to that, I say: Don't knock it till you've tried it.

(Now, if you don't excuse me, I'm going to go lie down. It's...It's been a day.)

[spencers-dria]

Do You Trust Me?

Someone To Stay Ch. 6

Spencer x fem reader

Y/N POV:

*whack*

You smack your alarm as it goes off for the third time this morning. You look at the clock: 7:15AM. Was it later than you get to sleep in for work? Sure. Did you want to get up this early on your day off? Nope. Between JJ being the planner and Penelope's excitement for the weekend, they had convinced the the group that it would be best to get an early start. It was a several hour drive the to the lake, and they wanted to make the most of our time there.

You roll out of bed and look in the mirror. Sweats and a spaghetti strap tank...this will have to do. You leave your hair in the messy bun that you slept in. Half asleep, you fumble around for some socks and slip on some sandals. A horrific choice you know, but we're going for comfort here, not fashion. It'll be fine. You're not trying to impress anyone, and you'll fix yourself up once you get to the lake. You fully intend to nap part of the way there. You don't even bother to grab breakfast. Instead, you grab your bags you packed the night before and head downstairs. Spencer is probably waiting on you already.

You see him pulling the car up, right on time, as you make your way down the stairs. You slide into the passenger side, setting your bag down in the back seat. Reaching into a road trip bag in your lap, you pull out a blanket and pillow and curl up in your seat.

"Good morning sleepyhead" he chuckles. "Not a morning person, huh?"

You grin. "What gave it away?"

He hands you a paper bag and a coffee cup.

"Don't worry, it's green tea and honey" he reassures you, sensing your hesitation.

"I also got you a bagel."

"I don't know who's been giving you trade secrets but food is really the number one way to win me over." You glance over to see a slight smirk on his face. "How are you so awake? You had time to get ready, grab food, drive to my apartment, and you still seem more awake than I do."

"I'm kind of used to not getting much sleep." He shrugs this off as if it's nothing. You sense he doesn't intend on explaining any further, so you decide not to push him.

"I brought some snacks too. You're welcome to anything you'd like." You pull out a some goldfish, fruit gummies, and Capri suns.

He responds with a laugh.

"Ok you have the appetite of a ten year old."

You feel embarrassed for a moment until you see the smile he's giving you.

"It's cute though."

You find yourself blushing, not used to compliments. "Yeah I guess sometimes I just like to let loose, let my inner child out. Not everything has to be so serious all the time, ya know? What we do, both of us...it's stressful stuff. Sometimes eating whatever the heck I feel like helps with that. If that means chocolate milk and cocoa crispies cereal for dinner then so be it!"

Spencer gives you another smile before holding his hand out. "Alright, you won me over. I'll take a Capri sun."

You can't help but laugh as you watch him try to insert the straw with one hand and drive with the other. After awhile you decide to help him out.

"Here, let me see that." You fix the straw and hand him back the drink. "Goober" you laugh as you rolls your eyes at him.

"So what all are you planning on doing at the lake this weekend?" He asks.

"The question is...what am I NOT going to do?"

"Ugh." He rolls his eyes and laughs. "No fair. You're athletic, coordinated. You can actually do all the fun stuff."

You turn to face him with an incredulous look on your face, jaw dropped. "You're kidding me right? Me? Athletic? That's funny!" You laugh shaking your head. "Nahh I'd say we're on a level playing field. I'm not coordinated at all! I just like go have fun, try adventurous things. Like kayaking, I'm just mediocre but I still love doing it. The only sport I ever did was swimming."

"Ha! You were a swimmer, we're going to a lake, and you think we're on a level playing field?"

"Ok fair enough" you concede. "Will you at least try something new this weekend? Please?" You bat your big brown eyes at him, a technique that rarely failed you.

He feigns a look of annoyance, before a smile finally starts teasing at the corner of his lips. "Alright, alright." He throws his hands up in surrender. "But only if you help me with whatever it is we do. A swimmer and a nurse, you're practically our lifeguard for the weekend. Don't let me drown, ok?" He teases.

"Well since you asked so nicely." You give him a playful punch in the arm as you both laugh.

After a brief moment of silence you hear Spencer speak up. "Did you know that Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympian of all time, winning 28 medals in total, 23 of those being gold medals? He swam in his first Olympic Games at only 15 years old, and won his first gold medal at 19. And you...already knew this didn't you?" He stops when he sees your eyebrows raised, giving him a slight smirk.

"Yeah Spencer" you smile, shaking your head at him. "I don't mind though. I like hearing all the cool stuff you know."

You spend awhile listening to Spencer talk about everything from Olympic swimming facts to CPR statistics and the origin of the different swimming strokes. A lot of it you don't know already, and you enjoy learning all of this stuff from him. After awhile, you unintentionally drift off to sleep.

He looks over and smiles, he doesn't mind. This happens to him quite often, and the fact that you encouraged him to share his knowledge gives him comfort. He reaches over and pulls the blanket over your shoulders. Hoping to drown out the sound of the highway, he puts on some classical music at a low volume.

You wake up a couple hours later as you hear the loud sound of gravel under the tires.

"Morning sunshine" he grins at you.

"Oh I'm sorry! I wasn't going to make you drive the whole way."

"It's ok, you got your rest. Better you be rested up and have fun today than stay awake just to drive."

"Thanks Spencer." You smile to yourself. He really was very sweet. Good friends are hard to come by, especially ones you can trust that will stick around. You secretly hope that Spencer doesn't plan on dropping you as a friend anytime soon.

You climb out of the car and take a look around. You've arrived at a modest log cabin, sitting right on the edge of the lake. It's surrounded by y'all trees, so thick that you can't see any buildings anywhere else, if there are any. You stand there for a moment taking it all. You lean your head back and close your eyes, enjoying the sounds and smells of nature. It felt like home. You grab your bag out of the backseat and make your way along a dirt path toward the cabin. You stick yourself hand out by your side, brushing the leaves on the trees as you walk by.

"You really are in your element here, huh?" you hear Spencer call out from behind you.

"Oh you have no idea. Just wait till I get in the water" you shout back over your shoulder.

The two of you make your way into what appears to be the common living room. The cabin appears to be completely wooden everywhere, floors, ceilings, walls, beams. There's rustic decor and lots of plaid, but it's done tastefully. It feels so cozy, and you love it.

"Y/N! You made it! We're in here!" You see Penelope's head pop out of a doorway. You enter a room to find two sets of bunk beds. Penelope and Alex have taken bottom bunks. JJ has her stuff placed on the top bunk above Alex. You set your suitcase in an empty corner and throw your pillow on the bed above Penelope. You feel her sneak up and pull you into a tight hug. "Hey bunk buddy! This weekend is going to be so fun!"

"I'm surprised Penny, the outdoors don't seem like your type of weekend."

"Oh don't worry honey! I brought a float with coasters and a tray for the lake! I'll be sipping on wine and tanning all weekend."

"Just make sure to wear sunscreen okay." You give her a nudge and a smile.

"Okay Nurse Y/L/N." She rolls her eyes and laughs.

"Don't worry! I brought enough sunscreen for everyone."

"Haha, of course you did Aunt JJ."

You look over to see her unpacking her suitcase and organizing her things in the drawers and closets. You decide to do the same, that way it will be easier to find all your things later. After you've all finished unpacking, Alex says she's going to take a quick nap. After getting ready in your swim wear and coverups, you, Penelope, and JJ wander over to the guys room to see what they're up to.

You peek in to see Spencer reading on the bunk above Hotch, who appears to be on a FaceTime call with his son, Jack. Rossi isn't in the room. He's probably already started organizing things in the kitchen. Derek looks like he's ready for the lake, already in swim trunks and rubbing on sun tan lotion.

"You need any help with that, hot rod?" Penelope jests.

"You know it mama."

At this response, Penelope runs quickly across to room and helps Derek to finish rubbing in the suntan lotion on his back. She looks to be enjoying it a little too much.

You and JJ stay leaning in the doorway, laughing.

You finally speak up. "I don't know about y'all, but I've been stuck in a car all day! So if you need me, I'll be out at the lake!"

"I'm right behind, ya." JJ turns to follow you.

At this, Spencer finally pops up from behind his book. "Oh umm, we're going outside now? What are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet Spencer, come with us and we'll figure it out."

You wait on him while he changes into some swim trunks and a t shirt. He stands in the doorway a bit awkwardly, hesitant to leave the cabin.

"Come on!" You grab his hand pulling him out onto the porch and down toward the lake, following behind JJ, Penelope, and Derek.

When you get to the waters edge, you see the group has already spotted a rope swing. Derek appears to be climbing into a position to jump from. JJ stops him, to test the integrity of the rope first.

Penelope watches as Derek effortlessly climbs up the rocks. "My monkey man" she smirks.

Once JJ seems satisfied that the rope won't break, Derek swings out over the water, doing a back flip before making a splash in the water that sprays everyone watching from the shore. A chorus of groans rings out, half from annoyance at the show off, half from not wanting to get splashed.

You remove your shoes and your coverup as you prepare to get in the water. You can tell Spencer is making a conscious effort to avert his gaze. You blush, suddenly remembering the girls' previous comments about how good you looked in the slick back two piece.

You quickly make your way up the rocks and grab onto the rope as it swings back towards you. Spencer gives you a concerned look.

"Are you sure you want to do that? You could get hurt!" He shouts up at you.

Instead of answering you give him a quick smirk. You back up and get a running start for momentum, holding onto the rope as you swing out over the water. You let the momentum push you out as far as it will take you, as you angle your arms and body to dive deep into the water, just like you used to off the starting block in swimming. As you feel your body dive down into the water, you angle back up and do a quick, few dolphin kicks, propelling yourself much further from the shore. When you finally surface, you're about 20 or so meters from the shore. You see the group staring at where you dove into the water, confused and concerned.

"Over here guys!" You shout at the group to get their attention. They look up to see you much further away than they expected.

"Hey, you weren't kidding!" Spencer laughed.

"We might have to have ourselves a little competition little miss mermaid!" You laugh at Derek's new nickname for you.

You do a few strokes to bring you back to shore as you climb out of the water. You slick your hair back out of your eyes as you wring your hair out.

"Alright Spencer! Your turn!"

You giggle as you grab his hand and drag him towards the rocks.

"Umm yeah this is definitely not a good idea. You clearly know what you're doing, but I will definitely hurt myself. Did you know that drownings are the third leading cause of unintentional deaths?"

"Stop being such a party pooper! Loosen up a bit. Now climb." You cross your arms giving him a look that lets him know you mean business.

"If you fall, your knight in shining armor, Y/N will catch you!" Derek shouts from his spot where he's swimming in the lake. JJ and Penelope are watching from a float shaped like a giant unicorn. Typical Penny.

"Shut up, Derek!" Spencer shouts back at him.

You can tell that he's actually nervous, and not just unwilling to participate, so you decide to climb up after him.

"How about we go together?" You smile at him.

"Can we do that?" He asks, clearly not believing you.

"Yeah! See how there's a plank of wood on the bottom here? There's room for both of us to stand. And then we just hold onto the rope. We'll back up to get some momentum, then right when we get to the edge, we'll hop on the rope ok. But make sure to let go before it swings back towards the rocks."

The look he's giving you says he still doesn't think this will work.

You take his hand in yours, giving it a quick squeeze. "Do you trust me?"

You see the anxiety wash away as he's overcome by comfort. "Yeah, I do actually" he smiles, squeezing your hand back.

"On three okay? One...two...three!"

Before you know it, the two of you are landing in the water. You both come up for air as he starts a splash fight with you. You're both giggling and splashing like little kids, but having the time of your life. You feel water peg you in the back of the head. You turn around to see Hotch and Rossi armed with oversized water guns, peeking out from behind the trees on the shore.

"Hey that's not fair! We're unarmed!" You shout at the two men.

"Come join our team!" Rossi yells back. You and Spencer look at each other confused. You look up to see Alex carrying four water guns out to the water toward Derek, JJ, and Penny.

You and Spencer turn to each other, each with a huge grin. "Oh it's on!" You say.

"It's so on!" he replies before you both make your way onto shore as quickly as possible. Hotch and Rossi hand you each a weapon and the war commences.

After a long fight, the team in the lake finally surrenders. Your team is the clear winner.

"Winner's get dinner first!" Rossi shouts before the four of you make a mad dash for the cabin. You grab your towel, guessing that Alex had laid it out for you, as you see the other ladies' towels laid out as well well. Rossi had the dinner on warmers, so it's all ready for you. As the four of you take your plates full of food to the dining table outside, you pass your opponents. A series of snickers and goofy faces ensues as your team teases them endlessly.

You felt so comfortable around all of them. For people with such serious jobs, they sure do know how to let loose and have fun.

A/N:

I hope everyone is still enjoying it! I know it's a slow burn but it's so cute right 🥰I plan on picking up right where we left off! Please reblog or comment if you liked this chapter! I love hearing feedback!

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[callsignbaphomet]

Ok, so, originally this was gonna just be a million fuckin questions, and it'll prooooobably turn into one of those question chains from several months ago. BUT to start I think I can do just like, three. First, tell me ALL about the area in Norway where Jelani was growin up, absolutely anything and everything you can think of about it. Secondly, tell me ALL about babby Jelani! Again just anything and everything you can think of! Lastly, how exactly do those magic weapons work? :o Like, once they're made can anyone grab them? Can he only have one at a time? Stuff like that! Basically just use this as a chance to talk about all those things! :3

❤️❤️❤️

So Jelani was born and raised near what is known as Hammerfest today (woohoo subarctic climate!). Honestly he’s been everywhere and just about seen everything but nothing compares to when he was growing up in that area and watching the Aurora Borealis with family and friends in a comfortable silence while just taking it all in, ya know? Being born in 870 CE meant there was no light pollution so every night the sky always lit up and the stars were so shiny and there were millions and millions of them which was absolutely insane to see and had a lot of significance because of his mom’s culture and their relationship to the stars.

They were close to the coast so there was a lot of fishing and sailing. He was also partial to that area because it was close to the sea and close enough to the mountains where it felt like a happy in between. He’s not a fan of being too far from some source of water. That place was perfect as he could see all kinds of sea dwelling animals like whales and seals, squids though he’s not a fan, he’s kind of scared of squid especially the really big ones he saw every once in a while. He especially liked puffins as a kid since he thought they were kinda silly. Inland he saw his fair share of reindeer, foxes, bears, wolves and otters which he completely fell in love with and still loves as an adult. Show him pictures or videos of otters and he’ll melt, if he sees one irl he’ll practically die from the amount of cute. There were also the more supernatural creatures though he mostly grew up around a lot of werewolves.

Oh! And sure, he’s not a big fan of the sun but even he has to admit that the midnight sun is pretty impressive and beautiful in its own right. It was gorgeous to see it and he did enjoy walking around in the middle of the night and still see the sun out.

Also, despite the location, he was exposed to a lot of different people as the village was flagged as a safe area which saw a ton of traders and all were welcome regardless of who you were or if you were human or non-human. He saw everything and interacted with all sorts of people from the local Sámi People, Middle Eastern, Asian and even other African people. And after his mom found out her family were still alive and well they’d also visit each other when they could. Honestly, his upbringing was kinda fairy tale like.

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qasdxcfgbhn well, Jela as a little kid was always hanging around his parents, grandparents and especially his brother. Since Loke’s 13 years older than him Loke often watched him and played with him a lot, he wasn’t even asked to he just did it because baby brother. Like the instant Lo first saw him it was like love at first sight type of shit. He learned to speak clearly very early on which surprised everyone at how clear and structured his speech was for a kid so young and then they learned he was a very fast learner and really smart and was always curious and asking tons of questions.

Even since he was little he really loved animals so he was always seen chasing after them or somehow petting them and playing with them. Learned to ride and care for horses pretty fast and when he got his own it was like fireworks went off in his head. Even in present day he sees a horse and it’s like instant childhood memories flooding him. Btw his first horse was a mare he named Dagny, just like his ball python in modern times lol, it was a Fjord with a grey coat and a two tone mane and he loved her to bits. Aside from that there was the family dog named River because she loved to swim. He also liked cats but they didn’t have a cat because Loke was scared of them and Sanaa (for different reasons related to another creature) wasn’t fond of them. They don’t hate cats but they’d rather just keep ‘em at arm’s length.

Then teen Jelani who was...I don’t wanna use the word difficult because he wasn’t but let’s just say different for lack of a better word. It was around this time that he was realizing he wasn’t like his family and it actually hurt ‘im a lot. Especially since his mom was an arcane berserker and it was like a huge deal so they all thought he was gonna be one too. So in come the feelings of alienation and the doubts and the semi angst and the moodiness. He was never disrespectful to anyone but he was often moody and often felt down. Around this time he was also learning he had some unique abilities of his own that no one else had and since no one else had them he learned to control them but not without incidents. Not to mention that since he was very little he could see and hear and talk to things that no one else could really see. Some were friendly and others weren’t. Mix in the regular hormonal shit teenagers go through during puberty and it made for a bit of a mess. This kind of “weakened” him and his old self (which he nor anyone else knew of) was starting to rear in and it was kind of scary. He was actually fluctuating between his old personality which was chaotic af and his present self and both seemed to clash a lot. Once this started happening the migraine attacks and the nosebleeds began as well as the sleep paralysis, night terrors, insomnia and the nyctophobia and they all seemed to hit him really hard and suddenly. So all of that mixed in made the ages of 13 through 17 really, really fucking messy.

But family and friends were with him through it all and at 17 and a half he chilled out and learned to control himself and managed to suppress his old self. He’d learned to use and handle his abilities responsibly, still felt a little out of place but his family was sure to always let ‘im know they loved him no matter what and his grandfather especially let him know that his differences weren’t a bad thing and that they made ‘im special. By 18 he was back to his cheerful old self though sometimes he still felt bad about being different but didn’t let it get him down. However, he now had to cope with migraine attacks, night terrors, nyctophobia, random nosebleeds, insomnia and sleep paralysis which he still has even in present day.

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Okay so berserkers are non-humans that have the ability to summon powerful weapons and very sturdy armor from nothing thin air. The armor can take a beating but if they get targeted by a barrage of attacks the armor can break and they’d have to summon the armor again but there’s a cool down of about half an hour so it’s better to hang on to the armor even if broken or get your ass to safety. The weapons don’t break though. Oh and if an armor broke and they summon it again it’ll show up as good as new. Berserkers can summon up to two different weapons so which ones they summon depends on the person’s taste and comfort level.

These weapons can be summoned and dematerialized at will and have no cool down. Anyone can grab them if the berserker it belongs to doesn’t mind though why would a berserker use another one’s weapon unless they wanna be offensive and kill ‘em with their own weapon? It’s not offensive, more like yikes.

Now, since Jelani isn’t a berserker he managed to figure out a way to mimic berserkers’ ability to summon a weapon from thin air though unlike grown up berserkers he isn’t limited to just two types of weapons. For example Loke is able to summon a two headed axe and a bow, nothing more nothing less. Jelani can summon whatever he wants as he can manipulate the shape. His mom’s tribe are partial to glaives so he mainly uses a glaive. His weapons however are made of an unknown material that’s insanely hard and impossible to even crack. His weapons can’t be wielded by anyone other than himself bc as soon as someone else touches them they dematrerialize. It also looks weird, like it’s so dark it swallows all light and no light bounces off of it. He can’t summon armor though so that’s where the blacksmith comes in. His uncle Jørgen made his look like his dad’s and his mom’s.

[masslessobtrusion]

This was the last conversation I had with Lauren before she passed away...

It’s unedited besides some names and cities. Lauren It hurts me and stresses me out and triggers me to know you're high right now and I just celebrated my 90 days completely sober from everything yesterday and I want to cry and because of that i can't talk to you for my sake and well-being because this is the first time in my life I have put myself first and I feel great except I'm stressed out now. It's nice to have a sober support group to help, but still ?? Lauren I can't talk to you because I cry and it threatens this great thing I have right now and want to hold on to Ryan I've actually been clean. I'd rather have you as a friend than be high. Lauren That's fucking awesome!! But I need time still and I'm learning patience too Ryan No one talks to me, everyone cancels their plans on me, just because I told them about it. I really need a friend. Lauren It's hard to see you and very confusing and uncomfortable I can't talk to you. Ryan what if I flew you to ****on august 26th. no access to anything and the maywether/McGregor fight is on. the pool is heated, it feels awesome I'll do anything to have you as a friend. Going to home was a nice change in my routine. rollcall is banned forever, markets went down. There's no getting anything. Lauren All I can say is if you want people in your life, open yourself to the idea of AA and get yourself a sponsor and find a way to see what the program is all about past the God stuff. Because what it's really all about is a bunch of fucked up people who have lost everybody and everything getting together and making friends and supporting each other. You will find friends and support through AA. Lauren That's all I have to say. Bye. Ryan Hey, please don't do this. I'm totally good. So many people cut me out of their life. I stopped benzos and kratom is down to one small spoon in the morning. i'm lifting weights. I'm feeling good about uber. Lauren Join AA. Ryan ok Lauren not that you join. Just go. Every day. Ryan if that's what you want me to do to be friends with you. I'll do it. Lauren You will find people. Ryan I don't really want people like that. Just my old friends who don't use. Lauren That's what it will take. AA. Just keep going. Ryan I'm glad it's helping you. It is, right? Lauren More than anything. I have legit friends now and most of all I have support for anything that's bothering me Ryan I figured this would happen. But was hoping that you could not cut me out your life. I won't do anything to hurt you or your sobriety. I promise. Keep me at a distance for a while. But please don't cut me out. Lauren I stay away from guys like they suggest because of 13th stepping Ryan I saw your new fetlife. ?? Lauren AA has changed my life. And no, I don't believe in God. Ryan But I'm glad you're not getting 13th stepped. Lauren I have to until you're completely sober and have a sober support network through either smart recovery, na, or aa Ryan Could you be my support if I need it? I don't care about drugs. I just want a friend to bullshit with. Lauren I can't because men stick with men and women with women for distraction purposes Ryan and you've been my best friend for a long time now. I don't care if you have a boyfriend or you're getting tied up and stuff. Lauren Do AA. You'll meet people and see them everyday at meetings. Its nice Ryan I like you so much. It would be devastating. I'll do it. I have a pinball tournament tonight and am possibly meeting up with arielle, her boyfriend, and ashley. But feel like they'll flake. But I'm still playing pinball. I'll go to a meeting ASAP. I promise. I mean it. Lauren It would seriously be the best thing you ever do. You'll thank me, I promise. But you have to keep going even if you think it's a crock of shit at first. People start off going in pissed off all the time until they start to realize it helps. Ryan I'll probably do NA though. The way you're talking feels like you've be indoctrinated into something that excludes people. I'm glad that you're safe and being healthy though. but i want your friendship. It's pretty much the most meaningful thing to me. and to lose that. I would have nothing. I've been hanging on, waiting for you all of this time. I want to be a positive influence for you Lauren I wouldn't say that. I would say check out both. I've found the people in AA are better but na is more relatable People in na tell more war stories so it might be a better place to start off because you'll have stuff to talk about. Thing is though more people go to meetings high than in aa Ryan I met a new girl too. Nothing serious. But it's a confidence boost. And you're still #1 to me. Lauren All I can tell you is that If you keep going every day you will meet people you can relate to and who will be there for you Ryan actually, I probably won't see her for a long time, because she's moving. okay, I love you though and want you to be my best friend. What's the word? Standard? Just, no matter what. Always be available to me. This attitude that you have is good. You're in control and you set the rules. I'm okay with that. I don't want to be abandoned again. It's the shittiest feeling. and I don't want you to say it's selfish. Lauren I'm available if you get sober because once you're sober, in order to stay sober it's a good idea to avoid people who are using or drinking. It makes sense... Ryan Because you're the only person that really knows me and one of the very few humans that will talk to me. Lauren sober Ryan would be like the Ryan I first met biking... trail running... Ryan I didn't do anything bad. I won't in the future either. Lauren POSITIVE. http://www.*****.org/meetings Meetings | ***** Area of Narcotics Anonymous The 8888Area is part of the *** Region of NA with meetings in ***, Brighton, Longmont, and Louisville, Nederland, and Westminster. ********.org Ryan guhhhh, my cardio sucks, but I've been lifting dumb bells and push ups and I gained some weight. I'm like 155-160 Lauren it sucked when you first started doing it years ago but you got past it and felt great! I remember. You were so confident! it's such a relief to hear you're on the right path Ryan shoulder pain still controls me. Lauren really. Ryan yes. Would you want to go to STL with me next month, get an airbnb? or I could fly out there? Lauren Here. Go to the Longmont one at 7pm tonight while it's still fresh from talking to me http://www.*******.org/meetings/wednsday Ryan and you can see me being healthy and sober. I have plans tonight. Pinball and possibly friends. But definitely pinball. Lauren I'm going to be at the halfway house next month. I'm staying with my uncle until a space is available it's a tournament? Ryan yeah Lauren then go tomorrow http://www.*******.org/meetings/thursday Ryan and i wanted to see if arielle and her bf wanted to get happy hour sushi before. Lauren seriously, ignore everything "god" and just meet people Ryan and ashley said she would hang out and smoke weed with me from a guy she knows that grows and she bought a bunch. but everyone flakes out. Even Robin did for camp dick, planned it 2 weeks ahead. Then he tells me his friend is having a going away party that weekend a few days before. Lauren well I hope everything works out Ryan I'll go tomorrow. Lauren let me know how it goes otherwise don't message me because it'll just make me sad ?? Ryan cool well, not the sad part but yeah, i'll do anything to keep our friendship going. Lauren you're going to meet people. that's what I think is going to be the best and when they ask if anyone's there for the first time... introduce yourself as Ryan and say it's your first na meeting ever Ryan okay thanks for the tips, anything else? Lauren people will come find you and introduce themselves. it's cool how friendly people there are. because they remember what it was like yeah... hang around awkwardly afterwards or bum a cigarette from someone and talk to them if no one comes to you lol Ryan If I do well and meet your expectations, can we hang out? people don't even talk to me at pinball. i hate it. sooooo many times, i start talking to someone and they just start talking to someone else Lauren maybe once you have some clean/sober time under your belt Ryan 15 days so far Lauren that's what's so cool! addicts love to talk to other addicts because they're blacksheep too no alcohol? Ryan i drank at my parents less than they did Lauren dude I found not drinking at all has helped with my mood SO much. just saying for me. Ryan I don't really drink alcohol though. Lauren i know you're going to meet people who are a lot like you I think you'll be surprised Ryan that's a possibility, but really. I'd rather just not have anything drug related in my life. Lauren "hey I'm Ryan. I'm an addict. It's my first time at any kind of meeting like this" Ryan I'm going to check it out though. Lauren thanks Ryan You'll be safe in St. Louis. Lauren it's going to be a while Ryan and we could watch the fights Lauren one step at a time. Ryan well, should I sell my vouchers then? Lauren yeah Ryan :( Lauren or find someone else because i can't go Ryan that was a little dramatic of an emoji Lauren oh lol Ryan but i just wanted a sad face Lauren got it Ryan so, how is fetlife? Lauren I have to go but I'll let you know I just chat with people and still haven't met up with anyone Ryan it kind of worries me. Lauren the tail pic is from my friend Richie who we webcammed with the one time (first kiss/high school friend) it was casual. Ryan doesn't seem like a sober living thing to do. But I suppose it's your rules. Lauren yeah, I'm more looking for a girl Ryan nice want to see the girl I've been hanging out with? Lauren no dude! Ryan ok Lauren hah ouch. talking to you hurts me enough Ryan oh Lauren but anyway I have to go Ryan I didn't mean to do that. I got the feeling that you didn't care. Ok, so, can I still talk to you and stuff. I'm so lonely. Lauren I just can't help but want to help you feel like you used to and find friends shit i'm so fucking up you really can't ?? Ryan I don't want rehab friends. I want hobby friends. Lauren it's part of my treatment plan and stuff that's not even AA related Ryan cool, I like hearing that you have a plan. Lauren yeah. i'm just doing what they tell me because i don't ever want to go back to drinking like i was a couple months ago or shooting dope obviously my decisions don't exactly work so i'm letting them make decisions for me... weird as that sounds. but it's working well so far ?? Ryan then don't talk about it until you're good at it. awesome I just hope you don't get taken advantage of mentally or physically. Lauren nah, i'm still ultimately in control of my life Ryan you're my #1 human. I don't want to lose you. I'll go tomorrow. Let you know about it. Lauren anyway, i can't talk to you for a while. but do the na/aa thing to make sure you stay sober (the counting days part is kind of cool too) and then we'll talk in a couple of months. but go everyday as something to do and a way to socialize and get out of that apartment Ryan a couple of months? why? I would never do that to someone. Lauren because i'm still fresh and easily stressed and because i want to make sure you're committed to this sobreity thing Ryan who is asking for help and it's me Lauren i'm letting you know it's what I feel is best for me it's a couple of months. it's not a couple years. Ryan okay, but I'll support you too. Lauren you can randomly message me with how many days you have Ryan I feel like, just empty. i knew this would happen. Lauren if I don't respond don't think I don't care... know that I'm seriously smiling Ryan my intuition, you know it's legit. Lauren you've got this . Ryan we're no different than the hundreds of stories I've read Lauren now go out and meet people! *hug* Ryan I'm willing to support and help you with whatever you want. Lauren bye Ryan You're giving me a "god bless" like southern women do when they really mean something else. it's not necessary. fuck now I have absolutely zero people who I thought care about me. I've reached out to so many people. This isn't helping anything. If it were, I would tell you. You're super hot too. I don't think you realize how much of a difference that makes. Why not make me go to a reddit meetup or something, maybe I could network instead of focusing on drugs with current and former addicts. I've always disliked other users. You know this. Just bringing up counter arguments. annnnd Ashley just flaked out, didn't see that coming. Arielle flaking out should happen in about an hour. I may go camping by myself, just not ask anyone to go, because they just flake out 9/10 times. Dude, I have no one to talk to. and I want to talk to you. I'm going to go crazy talking to myself, without you responding. Can we set up a schedule to talk? Ryan I'm telling you that this hurts me. It does. I hate being abandoned, not invited and flaked out on more than anything. I feel kind of used too. I was there for you all of this time. All of the phone calls. And then I'm abandoned when I'm doing what I consider good. Those people are going to tell you to tell me to fuck off. That's what makes me think about cults and seperation. It's black and white. And I'm not black and white. so, i'm begging you, whatever is in your head. Just treat me like you used to. Please, I'm desperate as can be. So, can we set a scheduled time, so there isn't random ghostings. annnnnd Arielle just cancelled. Lauren And this is why I fucked up in talking to you. Now I feel guilty and stresses out. Learn patience. Good. Bye. Ryan What did I do? I'm asking for help and friendship. I'm being nice as can be. Am I not? Tell me what I'm doing wrong, so I can learn from mistakes. and im blocked wtf, you really just unfriended me? Lauren? please I would never do this to you. You don't feel like it's wrong at all? i'm just going to cry and remember that everyone treats me like shit. I'm some worthless piece of shit. So I deserve to be treated like one. I would never ever treat you or anyone like this. Lauren I blocked you then realized there was a take a break option then unblocked to do that but realized,you can still message me and now I have to wait 48 hours to block you So please let me take a break! Ryan Don't block me Lauren For my Fucking sobriety This is why they tell me not to talk to you! Ryan why, even think about it. I want you to be sober. I'm being supportive. Lauren I'm stressed as fuck now You're NOT! Ryan Yeah, they do that to everyone. It's like a cult. Like I said earlier. I've read hundreds of stories. But you can make exceptions. If you have a friend in need of help. Lauren You're making me feel guilty and stresses and cry because you're not letting me go for a while Ryan I'm not asking for much. I said I would go to an NA meeting tomorrow. Lauren Just PLEASE stop messaging me For me. Ahhhhhhh! PLEASE. Ryan I just want you to respond or have a certain timeframe of when you can respond to me. Otherwise I get upset. Lauren I. don't. Know. Ryan because I have NO ONE to talk to. absolutely no one. Lauren When you're 90 days clean and sober from everything, ok? Use meetings to help Now please Let me go This is killing me Ryan It doesn't have to be so black and white. I'm on your side and you're treating me like an enemy. I've always been on your side. I want to help you. Lauren Because you're being an enemy to my sobriety and my well being and it's selfish. Ryan I didn't do anything. I sent you pictures of a dog and told you77777 that I'm sober. I was being happy and stuff Lauren Leave me alone!!!!!! Don't talk to me. Ryan ok9 Get some sober time and then talk to me. But don't talk to me now. Thank you Ryan I'm fine and the most sober I've been in a long time. it's not a competition. but i will look elsewhere for friendship, or just cut myself or something. This sucks either way. I'm not going to be your enemy. Because I'm not and never will be. I just lost my best friend of 3-4 years. The closest friend I've ever had.