#it'll get easier to trust myself and others

[darylbae]

I LOVE YOUR DARYL ONESHOTSSS AAHHHHH

i wanna request another vampire Daryl x fem reader pretty pleaseee

I would write this myself but I do not trust my writing skills LOL. A basic summary would be a lone reader who kinda just travels around, and one night when seeking shelter from a thunderstorm she finds this guy named Daryl, barely alive, and nurses him back to health (as much as she can by feeding him rabbit and meat barely cooked per his request), before realizing that Daryl is a vampire but couldn't really care less ("There's dead people walking around and you think a guy sucking blood and being deathly allergic to garlic will astonish me?").

Maybe for some backstory the reader is looking for their dad (or something like that) who got taken by raiders, so she's traveling around trying to find him and killing anyone who gets in her way, so by the end Daryl and the reader make a deal that Daryl will help her, and she just has to provide the corpses.

Ofc, don't feel obligated to write this, I'm sure you get so many requests anyway 😭😭 Again, love your fics!

sweet thing — daryl dixon

in which you meet you make a deal with vamp!daryl, hoping to benefit each other

note: i hope this is what you wanted anon, and u are too kind! i am so grateful for every lovely comment i get, it really keeps me motivated to write.

The rain was pricking at your cold skin, eyes almost closed to keep the droplets from invading your sight, and there wasn't an end in sight. You had to find him. Your dad, the only familiar sight left in this damned world, was gone. You'd sat around a fire one night, sharing a can of beans, giggling about another guess the song game you'd been playing. Then you'd woken up, and he was gone. You knew he'd been taken, it wasn't hard to realize, his stuff still surrounded you as you cried into his jacket that morning. There had been raiders on your trail for a while, it was actually a group you'd split away from a while ago. Looking to drag you back in. Why hadn't they taken you too? You wondered every day since, all thoughts leading to you feeling too useless to anyone. So now you wander, hoping to find a lead to get you back on track to finding your dad again. You'd spotted a metal panel propped between two trees, it had almost resembled a hut, and it seemed the only shelter for miles. It'll do for tonight.

You'd lost count of the days now, it all consisted of walking, stopping to eat and drink, kill walkers. Still in the same God forsaken woods that you lost your dad in. The raiders typically stayed in wooded areas, easier to conceal themselves, which was proving to be true. Leaning against the coarse bark of the tree beside you, you'd sighed deeply and readjusted the gun on your hip. Another stolen prize from the raiders which had helped you immensely in escaping. It was time to search for a place to stay. It had started raining again, however much worse than it had last time. Thunder was booming around you, the rain quick to soak your clothes and your hair becoming stuck to your skin. In the distance you could see a shed, or what looked like a small house. Your brain had squeezed onto the hope of shelter, picking up the pace as you broke free of the woods. It was, in fact, a small home. A bungalow of sorts, good enough for you for a few nights. It didn't seem occupied, but you were still cautious, so you'd equipped your blade and held it up as you breached the door. It was worn down, seemingly vacant since outbreak. But in the corner, by a fireplace, you had spotted a shadow. A moving shadow. You hadn't thought it through, you just rushed over to the person, in hopes it would have been your dad. It wasn't. But it was a man, who seemed to be on Death's door. Wheezing in and out, shivering as his coat laid over his body, ghastly pale. You'd thrown your bag off your shoulder, ripping it open to find your makeshift First Aid kit. "Hey, you still awake over there?" You asked, incredibly surprised at your confidence around a stranger. A wounded stranger. He grumbled, giving you enough confirmation to keep administering First Aid. "This is gonna hurt like a bitch."

Turns out he'd been stabbed, too weak to patch himself up. These were all just guesses, as he'd remained silent in the corner ever since you'd gotten here. However, he stayed. Even as you went out to find some dry firewood, after the rain had stopped, he was still sprawled out in the corner of the room. You'd started a fire, and sat comfortably in front of it as you let your food cook and clothes dry. "Do you have a name?" You asked, glancing over to the man. He met your eyes for one second, pulling them away from yours in the next. He remained quiet. "If we're going to inhabit the same home for a while then the least I expect is some information." You spoke, stabbing the bits of rabbit with a stick on your improvised grill made of wire and clothing hangers. "Daryl." He mumbled, taking the coat down from his face and sitting up. It was nice to see more of his face now, and strands of his hair stuck on his face. His voice was smoky, gruff, kinda hot. You hadn't thought about someone like that since before the world ended. It had just been you and your dad, except for the group of raiders you'd abandoned. You smiled into the fire, happy you were making progress. "Want some rabbit?" You offered, waving the end of the stick over at him with a cooked chunk of rabbit meat. He shook his head. "I'll find my own food." "Come on," you huffed, "eat some damn food. You need it if you want to heal." "I like it rare." "How rare?" You asked, ready to chuck some more on the grill. "Not touched the fire kinda rare." You grimaced, gesturing towards the cut up meat on the floor next to you. He leaned forward, wincing as he held his stitches, and stole a few pieces for himself. It didn't satisfy him like you probably would, but this was unbeknownst to you, he had to sit in the corner and control himself. You'd been nice enough to keep him alive, so he owed you that much. "So why do you eat raw meat? Won't you get sick from that?" You questioned, done with your food for the night and just using the fire for warmth. He shook his head. Guess that was too far. Silence lay heavily on the pair of you, Daryl too interested in a crack on the wall, and you watching the flames dance in front of you. It was you making all the conversation, so you had assumed that was it for the night. You'd climbed onto the couch, laying as comfortably as you could, and closing your eyes, hoping to have a dreamless night. "Ya won't believe me. You'll run." You heard, and you'd sat up, facing Daryl who was now sat up, arms resting on his knees with his head dipped down slightly. "Why?" You asked. "Why would I run?" Daryl paused. He didn't want to be alone again. As new as you were to his life, he liked company above all else. Even if you were pushy. "I prefer humans." "You're a cannibal?" You shivered, sat up properly now, ready to make a run for it. "NO." Daryl answered, "well, kinda." "Vampire?" You asked. Judging by his silence, you were right. And it shocked you how... normal you were about it. "Okay." You laid back down, clothes still damp and uncomfortable. But sleep was catching up quick. "Ya ain't gonna run?" He asked, and there was a hint of innocence you could hear. Like a child that had been walked out on one too many times. "No," you answered, still laid down but eyes open and looking at him, "the world has ended, the dead are alive, and you think a guy sucking blood and being deathly allergic to garlic will astonish me?" "Myth." You smiled, happy to close your eyes again. "You gonna suck my blood?" He wanted to, so bad. He wanted to taste that sweet blood pumping around that pretty body. "No. Don't wanna hurt ya." Your heart quickened, and you were embarrassed how much of an effect this stranger was having on you. You needed some action. Bad.

The fire was out when you'd woken up, and the man in the corner, Daryl, was gone. You lifted your head, noticing the coat that had once covered him, was now covering you. Your cheeks tinged pink at the sentiment, as you'd sat up fully now, still keeping the coat nicely snug around you. He hadn't left, surely? You'd made your way outside, the heavy thud of your boots alerting him of your presence, as you'd found him on the porch smoking. "So you can still smoke, huh?" You asked, sitting down next to him and observing his demeanor. Even the way he moved was hot. "Same as you are, just different diet." "Guess that answers my question of how you're in the sunlight." You giggled, and you could almost see a smirk threatening to show on his face. "Want your coat back?" "Nah," he croaked, mid-inhale, "looks better on ya." You couldn't quite believe your life had come to flirting with a vampire in the apocalypse. "Going somewhere?" He asked, and he was a lot more talkative than yesterday. You shook your head. "All I've done is wander the woods for God only knows how long, I plan on staying for a while." Daryl knew it was a topic for another night. So he stayed silent. "Gonna find some dinner. Stay inside." He instructed, standing up and stubbing the end of his smoke. You nodded your head at him, planning on making this home a bit more homely.

Daryl had been gone a while, and you'd cleaned up the place a bit. Making it look not-so-run-down. And you'd even found a book, to accompany you as you waited on dinner. He'd returned back after sunset, having been gone all day. And you were becoming ravenously hungry. "Took you a while." You commented, slamming the book closed and getting up to get the fire lit. "Yeah, sorry," he grumbled, "see ya kept ya'self busy." He looked around at the space you were sharing, seeing it didn't look nearly as bad as it did when he found it. You had only just looked up at him, seeing a sleeveless shirt and being more interested in that than the deer slung around his neck. His toned arms, patches of blood and debris from hunting all day, it was enough to drive you mad. "Hey," he clicked at you, and you felt shameful, "eyes are up here." He joked, and you smiled awkwardly at him. "Ready to eat?"

You'd eaten a good amount of meat, both of you now sharing the couch. Shoulders touching, thighs touching, your heart was beating loudly in your ears. "What's got ya out here?" He asked, his gruff voice sending goosebumps up your arms. But the question was something you didn't know if you were ready to share the answer to. But Daryl could help, he could get you closer to him. Finding your dad again was all that matters. "It's been me and my dad for the longest time. We'd met up with a group of raiders a while ago, who did things we just weren't okay with, so we up and left in the middle of the night." You sighed, heart aching for your dad and wherever he was. "They've been hunting us since. And we settled down one night, and when I woke up, he was gone. Taken. I've been trying to find him ever since." Daryl's hand found your thigh, and you almost jumped at the contact. "I'm sorry." He offered his condolences, and the feeling of his hand on your leg was starting to catch fire. "Not your fault, unless you were a raider." You turned to him, and he shook his head, that smirk appearing once more. "What's your plan next?" "I'm not sure, I just needed shelter for a few nights so I could conjure a plan, until I found you." You admitted, a sweet smile upon your lips and you looked at him. Friendships tended to form a lot faster in the apocalypse, but you weren't sure what this was. Daryl was silent for a moment. "You given up?" "No. Never." "Well let's look for him, together." He suggested. "I'll rip through that whole group if I have to." "You'd help me?" You asked in disbelief. "I like ya company," he confessed, like a dirty truth, "wanna keep ya around. Gotta help each other out." You were beaming on the inside, if this wasn't confirmation of a friendship, then you didn't know what was. "What do I do for you?" Daryl looked at you, your sweet, innocent features, eyes full of curiosity and hope. You'd seen things, but you were truly broken yet. "Help me find bodies, people, not worthy of life, and I'll help ya find ya dad." He demanded, but his voice was low. You found yourselves inching closer together, and Daryl's thumb delicately dragged over your cheekbone. "Sweet thing. I'll help ya."

[lynxalon]

having a breakdown is. a bit cringe. like.. me?? CRYING??!?!?!? naur.....

[nondualiber]

real useful things i've realized about loa while i was "resting" from tumblr & overconsumption:

• stop gaslighting yourself, make actual change instead. you know when you're not doing it right. if you spiral, get desperate, dwell in the old story... well, i've got some news. -- this might seem obvious but for me it wasn't. i was super desperate, giving like 1 step forward 50 steps back but i still played blind bc i thought that if i just said "oh no but my mindset doesn't matter" that would solve all my problems. damn

• WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. ik EVERYONE says this but omfg. i can NOT stress this enough. actually find what works for you. i used to think that my key (decide once n keep going with my day) was not a "correct" way to do it bc it made "no sense" or wtv, but now i've manifested a lot of things with that method & i'm so proud of myself for doing so :,,) wdym with "works for you"? whatever makes you confident enough to not spiral, to believe you actually have what you want, to not pay attention to the 3d & doesn't make manifesting feel like chore but something that comes naturally for you is the correct way to do it. trust your feelings, your intuition, yourSelf; they don't lie

• work on your manifesting concept, a.k.a trust in law. we talk a lot about "self" concept but not about "manifesting" concept. for me, i (kind of) believed i could manifest, i just didn't believe 100% in law. i still don't, but i've gotten considerably better!! my best tip to build trust in law was to start manifesting things that were "easier", more archivable, but not happening on a daily basis so i'd know if it was my manifestation turned reality

• stop consuming. not over-consuming but just consuming, literally. don't read neville, don't open tumblr, don't listen to edward nor any other coach! again, this one was obvious to everyone but me. trust me, you already know everything you need. "but i actually put in practice what i read!" yeah, but which one? you read 100 methods everyday. consuming is thinking from the 3d, and long-term it will demotivate you. trust me

• and last one, forget about deadlines. "when will i have it?" now. "where?" here. now and here. keep that mindset, and tbh in one week it'll be done

[konniesreality]

Hey Konnie, I'm going to share my success story with you.

So, for context, I've known about the void for I think over a year and I've been in the LOA community since I was 8. I've also had the most disgusting life all around especially when it came to my spiritual life but that's not important right now.

I've always been lazy when it came to the void, like on one hand I was like "Finally a method that guarantees success no matter what" but on the other hand I was like "Ugh, this is too much I don't feel like doing this right now" and kept making excuses. Because I knew about waking up in the Void State I'd go to bed and just fall asleep after listening to subliminals and affirming thinking that was going to do anything for ME personally. (P.S. just because it didn't work for me doesn't mean it won't work for you.) I did this for MONTHS and kept wondering why it wasn't working. Like I knew I was lazy but I just really couldn't bother at all...until recently.

I decided that I wanted to change and that I'd go back to the basics of the Void. I switched out the subliminals that I used before and created a fresh playlist. Link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLA_GYb1XT6i7XafhzWTNCnerDt1x9HOiz I simply worked on fulfilling myself internally and went within entirely. Then, two weeks ago I randomly decided to just "meditate" into the void. So, I just laid down, stayed still and RELAXED. I didn't even think about the Void, my attention was to simply relax and be. Eventually, I did relax to the point my body went slightly numb so I took it as a sign to start affirming for the Void. The affirmations I used are "I am" and "I am void". I started experiencing soooooooo many symptoms such as the floaty feeling, losing my senses, the darkness behind the eyes getting darker (I wanted my void to be pitch black hence why it got dark) also that really weird eye fluttery thing idk what that is called but yeah I had that too. I was literally spinning and my heart was about to jump out of my chest istg BUT I focused on my breathing and my affirmations.

Then the weirdest thing happened. Now, mind you, I've NEVER gotten this close to entering the Void IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. But I kid you not, I felt myself literally DETACH from my body, well I more felt it in my face/head because I couldn't feel my body but you get the point. Like I felt HOLLOW like WHAT. I was internally screaming and I started to smile because I was like "I'm finally entering the void after how long now." Buttttttt when I was literally five seconds away from entering the Void completely my lovely father came in the room to ask me something so I OBVIOUSLY snapped out. (Still salty btw) But I can tell you that I was 90% in the Void and they weren't lying about feeling pure bliss and happiness and feeling calm as well as being one with yourself because I felt it too. And when I "got out" I felt SO SMUG cause I was like, I finally figured out what method works best for me AND I know when and how to do it.

So, my directions in case you want to try it out.

Go to bed around 30 minutes - 1 hour earlier. Or do it when you're going to take a nap, but it works best for me at night. Also, make sure your eyes are like slightly burning, not ask why just trust me. but not to the point it's watering just enough to make sure you're a little sleepy and will make you relax easier because I find that works best.

2. Then, relax your body and allow all thoughts to float by, don't pay any attention to it. Also, focus on your breathing. (You can do breathing techniques but I just went with a slow but natural pace of breathing, for me of course)

3. ANY SYMPTOMS IGNORE THEM ALL!! It may be hard but honestly, it's kind of like ignoring someone when they talk shit- bad example but you knowww. Just focus on breathing and affirmations here.

4. Make sure to affirm when you are ready, trust me you will know because it'll be like a gut feeling. Or when you feel really relaxed like you're in a tropical paradise or something just start to affirm. Also, I would imagine things that I'd be doing in my hr (home reality) because affirming is kinda boring after a while so I interchanged them.

And that's about it, I think the important thing to take away here is to do what works FOR YOU. If you know that this method doesn't work for you but you saw it works for me, that is not an invitation to change your method. Also, remember always that the void IS YOU, it will not exist without you so don't put it on a pedestal. You got this always and have fun living your dream life. You were born a master of the void so no excuses.

Also that new subliminal that you made is LITERALLY the only sub I use now and it's BOMB. But I obviously linked my playlist bc I used to use it.

OMG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! Thank you so much for using my subliminal and most importantly sharing your success! It’s the truth! Find what works for you and R E L A X I know you will get in again!! TSYM for linking the playlist too! 💕💗💗

[creatingblackcharacters]

FAQs!

I go by Ice, she/her pronouns 💕. In case you had any of these questions, here you go:

1. "Why'd you make this page?"

I want to make the creation space- fandom to professional- more inclusive for people that look like me.

It is very disheartening when you really like something, and you see that oh! It's going to include a Black character! And then you get that character and... They're subpar. Especially in comparison to the usually white characters that have so much thought put into them. You accept them because you REALLY want that rep, but... We deserve to wholeheartedly accept our characters too, no ehhs about it.

I wanted to challenge myself, using my amateur art skills and my teaching skills, to convey to creators how that makes us feel, and little things they can do to more intentionally create their Black characters. There's more to us than adding to a diversity quota.

2. "So you aren't even a professional?"

I got 27.5 years of being a Black person on my resume 🤣 jokes aside, I am a self teaching artist. It's only been about a year for me. My more specific goal here is to use my skills to convey a perspective change towards Blackness, not necessarily a "how to do". If you want to learn the specific how-to's of drawing Black characters, there are Black artists all over Tumblr and the web that can show you. I actively encourage you to go check them out and support them, it's a great way to learn as well as to support our community!

3. "But if you're not a professional, why should I trust you?"

Well, again, because I don't have to be a professional to recognize when supposedly Black characters... Don't look like me 😅. Or, in writing, don't have any thought about me behind them. I could show my 87 year old Grandma some art and she'd recognize the issues.

But also, I personally believe that if you start from the foundations thinking about intentionally creating your Black characters, it'll make it much easier for you moving into the future. I am holding my hand out as a Black peer to HELP YOU! There are professional video games and art pieces and projects out there with poorly designed Black characters. The concept clearly needs to be introduced to the people somewhere before a million dollar project is release 🤣 But I can't talk to the people at the AAA studios. I can talk to you!

4. "I don't think race matters/should matter."

Alas, it does, everything we do is affected by our beliefs unconsciously or not- but I'm not going to waste my time and argue with you. This blog isn't for you 🤷🏾‍♀️ this blog is for those who want to take that first step to be better, both as creators and as people. 👍🏾

5. "Do you support AI?"

Not in the arts. Learn how to draw and/or write, it's very fulfilling.

6. "Do you answer asks?"

I do! However, this is a lesson based page, more than an ask based page. If I think your ask can be answered by one of my lessons, I'll refer you to that lesson. If it's an ask that's relevant to something coming up, I will answer it, but you will find more detail in the lesson coming up! I'm only one person doing this, and I can't answer every singular scenario. Also, keep in mind, if you ask me my opinion on something, I will be fair, but honest!

7. Will you be turning on anons?

Okay: right now, we've earned Anon Office Hours Wednesday thru Friday 12:30-6:30pm EST!

Most of this is due to the nature of what I'm discussing. Historically, these topics (and how race is relevant) upset some people, and it can get unsafe. Personally, I have no intention of allowing racists, or those who will take my advice in bad faith, to hide their faces. If you want to hate me, speak with your chest 😤👍🏾

The other part is that it is not a bad thing to ask questions! I did create this blog to be a learning opportunity. So long as you are kind to me and send me asks in good faith, I will be kind to you and reply in good faith. I'm also pretty sure I have the option to answer privately, so if you don't want your question posted publicly, You can say that.

If I get more questions, I'll update this!

[qqueenofhades]

what gets me is whenever any of these people says not to vote, and you ask them what the alternative is, they usually throw some tantrum about how it shouldn't be their job to fix this country and they're not expected to know (or start calling you a neoliberal or a bootlicker lmao) and i just. i don't get that? not voting, especially in the current climate, is a big deal. i don't think it's unreasonable to ask anyone who advocates for that what the alternative is. i'm not expecting you, online leftist, to magically know how to fix everything. i am expecting something from you if you're gonna tell me not to vote, especially when we both know that helps the gop. like, how dare we ask them to defend this big choice they're telling us to make?

their position boils down to helping trump and the republicans but any time you remind them of that they get upset. what is the alternative? what plan do they have? it would be one thing if there was another option that they'd come up with, but they haven't and don't seem interested in doing so. mutual aid and organizing is only going to take us so far and it'll be a hell of a lot easier to do it with biden in office than trump

The whole "it doesn't matter who's president/in charge of the government because mutual aid and organizing is the only valid way to do community engagement" is the leftist version of the Brexit nutcases who, and I swear I am not making this up, argued that it was fine if the UK left the EU trading sphere/single market/customs union with nothing to replace it, because "Britain is a nation of farmers and can grow food in our back gardens!!!!" Yes, because you're so devoted to your stupid ideology that you think the large-scale collapse of society, a major world power, a western democracy, and everything else will have no effect, and you can just do your little Facebook mutual aid groups and happily shout on Twitter at anyone who disagrees with you. Never mind the fact that this would obviously and immediately harm vulnerable people the most and that nobody, not even the Online Leftists themselves, actually wants to live in the Violent Revolution Total Anarchy World they masturbate to. Maybe this makes me a neoliberal corporate shill, but I'd rather that the world got better, instead of worse. I would actually prefer that myself, my friends, my family, my whole life, the whole country, and the rest of the world wasn't sacrificed on the Great Revolution Altar, but I shouldn't worry. We have mutual aid. At least as long as a) you have never said anything the Online Leftists even slightly disagree with, since they're sure as hell not the kind of people I would trust to have my back in any large-scale societal collapse, and b) I guess they'll all be growing food in their back gardens too, rather than using any of those dirty "government" or "society" things to supply their basic needs. We're saved! No need to worry. Bring on the anarchy.

Aside from the fact that Online Leftists, as I have said before, think that moral action begins and ends with posting the Right Opinions on social media at the correct timeframe and any other action or engagement with a flawed system or basic reality is heresy, they don't like being challenged -- i.e. "if we don't vote, then what do we do?" -- because a) it questions their authority as supreme arbiters of morality, and b) it means that there should actually be an action in place of cutting out something so consequential as voting, which likewise clashes with their "everything will be fixed by Magical Thinking" viewpoint. They don't want to be asked what to do in place of voting, or in anything at all; they want to think their correct thoughts and judge anyone who doesn't, regardless of how logically incoherent these things are or the inevitable outcome of those decisions, because nothing bad is ever their fault, or even the Republicans' fault, or anyone else at all except for the Democrats and/or "the West." I mean, yeah, if they're going around to preach the Don't Vote Because It's Actually Evil gospel, it's the bare fucking minimum to expect that they have something to offer in return besides Ye Olde Bolshevik cosplay fantasies. Since they don't, they get tetchy when you point that out.

Also, while I know it's the social media fashion that everything has to be the worst thing ever and we have plenty of the "Biden is also a genocidal fascist but I guess vote for him or something" utterly-minimum-standard posts going around, I will point out why that rhetoric is a) wrong and b) unhelpful. (Not that I expect it will make a single difference to anyone who has to get their internet cred by yelling about how Biden is a fascist, but still.) No, Biden is not a fascist by any logical definition of the word, you would have to do a lot of work to convince me that he is personally genocidal beyond what is demanded of any post-1948 American president who exists in an extremely complicated international sphere with long-standing alliances (such as, yes, with Israel) and indeed not quite a bit more progressive than literally every one of his predecessors, and it makes those actual words useless. If you claim that "Biden and Trump are both genocidal fascists," you are utterly effacing those categories as any kind of critical or useful distinction. You can't argue for any difference, you can't point out policy essentials or nuances, you can't make the most basic of empirical observances or come to a judgment on whether any part of that statement is true, because language has been deliberately stripped of meaning and used to score Cool Internet Leftist points. How can we explain what fascism or genocide actually are and what to do about them, if it's just what you call everyone as a matter of course whenever they disagree with you? You can't. That's the point.

Once again: I strongly disagree with the idea of just giving Israel/Netanyahu a blank check to keep committing atrocities, but I also need to repeatedly point out that Biden isn't doing that. His initial unconditional support of Israel after October 7 (which at the time was the correct response) has shifted to a much more measured and conditional approach where he has muted the overtly pro-Israel statements and started talking about a two-state solution and the need to protect the lives of civilians and trying to keep a lid on what could become a REALLY bad situation with all kinds of war-hungry powers eager to jump into the Middle East and blow it completely to hell. As I have said in my other posts, Trump will not do this. Trump will do the exact opposite. Which is why Netanyahu, who doesn't like having his hands tied precisely in the way Biden is doing, is trying so hard to get Trump back in. This also extends to the people who think that the West/the U.S. is the source of all evil in the world, but they're somehow the only people that can make actual choices or have real agency. Everyone else is just an American puppet; everyone is being lied to or manipulated by America/the West; nobody ever chose anything of their own free will; America/the West could roll in and put a stop to everything bad if they "really wanted to," but choose not to because etc. etc., Evil. As such, this completely fact-free belief is basically the central starting point for Online Leftism, which as I have also said, is now beyond useless and verging on just as deranged and actively dangerous as the fascists, especially since they are 100% willing to enable far-right fascism however and whenever they can because something something, That Will Show Us.

Anyway. Yes. Whew.

[jenowithjaem]

word count: 1103 | warnings: centered around reader being upset because of their father, reader cries, allusions to alcohol/alcoholism, mentions of grief and the death of an unnamed family member (reader’s brother), hurt/comfort, non-sexual nudity (they take a bath), trauma dumping except it’s me who’s trauma dumping lol *reader wears makeup but no pronouns or gender indicators are used; Seungcheol calls reader baby a lot

Seungcheol knew that something was wrong as soon as he stepped over the threshold of your shared apartment’s front door. It was unusually quiet- normally bustling with music or noise from the kitchen. Not even the TV in the living room was on.

Once his shoes are off, he navigates his way through the dark apartment, heading straight for the bedroom. He finds you tucked under a pile of blankets, initially thinking that you're asleep.

But when he hears your quiet sniffles, he immediately drops his coat from his arms, the leather falling to the floor carelessly.

“Baby.” You hear your boyfriend's voice call out softly, yet filled with concern. Then the blankets are being pulled off of you and your body is exposed to the cool chill of your bedroom. The bed dips under Seungchoel’s weight, and his hands are rubbing your back gently. “Baby, what's wrong?”

You stay quiet. Seungcheol knows it'll take a few minutes for you to calm down enough to speak- as you don’t usually speak when you're crying- so he patiently waits until you're ready, continuing to rub comforting circles on your back.

A few minutes pass and you finally lift your head from the heap of pillows. Your makeup is smudged and it stains one of the pillows.

Seungcheol carefully reaches out to wipe the crusty mascara from under your eyes. He pulls you into his chest and you have to keep yourself from crying again. You take a few deep breaths and then you pull away, finally deciding to speak.

“I was supposed to see my parents today, but it fell through.” Was all you had said.

“Did something happen? Are your parents okay?” Seungcheol asks, a frown on his face.

“They're okay.” You assure him.

He nods, confused. “Okay... So what happened, then?”

“Well-” you kind of hesitate. It's not that you don't trust Seungcheol, and it's not that you're not comfortable telling him. It's just that- you know that speaking it out loud makes it that much more real. You let out a breath and hand your head. “Dad’s been drinking again,” you say sadly.

“Ah,” he says, immediately understanding why you're as upset as you are.

“I was really looking forward to seeing them today. And I know that I can drive over there myself, but when mom told me that-” You stop to take a breath. “That dad said he's not driving anywhere because he'd been drinking, it completely ruined my mood. Hearing that made me not even want to see them anymore today.” Seungcheol takes your hand in his, softly running his thumb over your knuckles.

“I feel bad because I hung up on mom. And I know it's not her fault, but it was either hang up and just text her or cry while on the phone. And you know I don't fancy crying in front of people, so I hung up and texted her that we could just wait until tomorrow. I don't have the heart to tell her that I didn't want to be around him if he'd been drinking.” You blink away the tears that threaten to spill, using your free hand to wipe your eyes. This just smears your makeup even more.

“I hate to be like that because I know he's only like that because of ..what happened, but sometimes I feel like he forgets that he's not the only one who lost someone that day.” Someone being your older brother who passed away when you were a teenager. It's something that you've come to terms with over the last few years, and although it'll never be something you get over, it’s something that’s slowly become easier to live with as time passes.

And you know that everyone grieves differently- you know, because you’ve seen it differently in your father and your mother and your other brother- but it's just like you said; it's almost like he forgets that he's not the only one who lost someone that day.

You sniffle before speaking again. “I feel like- like I'm just being sensitive and-” but Seungcheol cuts you off.

“Your feelings matter. And if you feel like you can't, or that you don't want to be around your father when he's like that, then that's completely valid. Don't discredit yourself for having boundaries. Whether it's your parents or not.'' His voice is stern, and you know he's right. You also know that it's pointless to try and argue back. So you don't. You just nod your head and thank him.

“You're welcome, baby. Now let's get your face cleaned of all that makeup. Do you want to take a bath?”

You nod your head and Seungcheol pulls you up from the bed and towards the bathroom.

He helps you clean the ruined makeup from your face, gently wiping it away with a cloth and micellar water. Then he lets you wash your face while he runs the water, making sure it's just the way you like it. He lets the tub fill while he goes back to the bed to collect the linen to be washed, grabbing two towels on his way back in. You're stripped out of your clothes and in the water by then, and Seungcheol soon joins you. He sits behind you, with your back pressed against his broad chest.

The two of you stay silent for the most part, occasionally speaking here or there. But after a while, you break the silence with a quiet call of his name. Your hands are swishing around the water in front of you and you sound timid, almost nervous. He answers with a hum, and you crane your neck around to look at him, only to find him looking at you lovingly.

“Thank you. For always being there for me, and for never making me feel like I'm being overly dramatic or sensitive.”

Seungcheol kisses your temple.

“You don't have to thank me, baby. But I do think you should try and talk to your parents tomorrow and tell them how you feel. It's Saturday so I'll be off- I can go with you if you need some mutual support.”

“I really appreciate the offer, but I think this is something I need to do by myself.”

Seungcheol understands that this is something personal and doesn't necessarily concern him, so he just nods and lets you know that he’ll be there if you change your mind.

“I’ll sleep on it.” You tell him with a small smile.

And you've never been so thankful to have such a strong yet gentle support system like him.

ㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡ

Thank you for reading! I’m sorry that this one was so much darker than the other two blurbs I’ve put out. Let me know if I’ve made any mistakes or left out any warnings!

Please remember that it’s okay to reach out for help if you’re struggling with any kind of addiction. And remember that you’re not alone <3

[letters-of-libertas]

Energy to carry as a single childfree woman

Summary here

Be more self reliant

You dont have to do everything on your own but you need to be able to count on yourself because for the most part that's all you'll have even as you're around others.

Have more intent with actions

Time & energy is valuable. Where you pour these things into steer the course of your life. Give your time & energy to things that help you (and other likeminded women if you want). You dont have to analyse every action you take but occasionally check in with how/if the actions you're taking are helping to build a foundation for your life as a single childfree woman. Things like donating to female centric causes, improving yourself so you can give yourself (& other women) more, organising/engaging in female centric women only spaces - even if they're just online, goes a long way to set the scene. Even indulging in your hobbies. Dont waste your time on things that wont help you or your motives.

Be more resourceful

Contrary to popular belief this lifestyle isn't a walk in the park, there's a lot more you have to account for especially with a level of reduced support. Being able to adapt/improvise + think ahead to mitigate problems will serve you long term. Also generally building up your resources will make getting through hard times easier.

Living my truth > proving my truth

You dont need others stamp of approval to live this way - just get started ! Convincing others is a waste of time your actions (& results) will speak for you anyways.

Reduce giving benefit of doubt

I once saw a quote "giving others benefit of doubt has never benefitted me" and it rings so true. Giving people benefit of doubt rarely ever works in your favour, the red flags that are downplayed often come back to bite you when you least expect it so trust your instincts on matters. If something is off about something or someone; start backing up. Also pure naïvety is rare, people often know more than they let on so trust + act on your instincts on matters if something feels off.

Be proactive

Instead of just constantly reacting to everything around you; take action no matter how small, it'll pay off more than just outrage. Spend less time on social media reacting to the never ending evil of xys and spend more time building for yourself. Social media can be informative but it can also be an echo chamber that breeds reactionary politics which doesn't move things forward. Ik this is ironic because you're reading this on social media but I'm not saying get rid of it all, just reduce your time on it - particularly around reading & reacting to maIe evil. Focus on tangible things in your life you can control & build instead for yourself and womankind.

Invest in indifference

Taking everything to heart will hurt you. Constant anger/hatred to maIes & their bs is still centering them especially if all you do is react. I'm not saying completely ignore it as they target us & a level of awareness is important, but dont let these feelings consume you. Being indifferent will let you look at things at a face value & make more levelled judgement. It helped my mental health a lot in regards to the climate to grow indifferent, this includes towards maIe identified women and even other types of discrimination like racists, ableists, etc. All theory around maIe violence essentially boils down to them being dangerous parasitic terrorists to not be trusted. I move with this & go. I see through them, I dont argue or waste unnecessary emotional energy on them, I dont care for them to understand me, I dont care to prove them wrong (bc in the end it wont matter all you do is give them more cards to play with; this system isnt erected through logic but violence), I have other stuff in my life to focus on. I cant help the way the world is I can only focus on myself & my actions. Typically the best comebacks arise when you dont give a shit. It wont happen in a day but learn to manage your feelings. Be indifferent to what you cant control, flower what you can control. These comments from the female separatist subreddit explain this well.

Learn to prioritise

Contrary to popular belief we can't have it all. Some are able to do so because they've got wives or staff covering sectors of their lives so they can pour more time into other aspects of their lives like business or leisure. But you wont have that privilege rn so some things will have to take a hit. This is also why you need to be selfish with your time. Things like being resourceful to automate/delegate tasks will buy you time but it's still important to be selfish with your time because as you put time in one area, another area loses time. You need to pick what matters. You cannot give your time away to everyone; make time for yourself & your objectives.

Less theory more action

Having a basis of theory/belief is a good place to start but dont get stuck there.

It's okay to be wrong

Mistakes will be made. Experience is how we learn and grow. Go about your business unabashedly.

Obviously not an exhaustive list but these are some main points that come to mind.

[feverdreamjohnny]

Orbo's Odyssey - Post Mortem

My Feelings About The Game

It's an odd thing to try and pull together your thoughts about something so chaotic.

I guess it'd be easier to just catalogue how my emotions evolved as the project went on, and then wrap it up by trying to pull apart how I feel now, as arcane as that is.

I've been a part of a private developer community for a bit now, and during a majority of my time there I felt sort of like a fish out of water. I guess it was just weird seeing people at the top of their craft while my work sort of paled in comparison. A majority of them had a background in developing character action games or platformers with intricate movement systems, and that was absolutely outside the range of what I understood.

Late 2022 I decided to try and make a movement system with a really strong focus on momentum so I could feel "at home" with the other devs. So I made a small tech demo where most of Orbo's moveset was formed.

In the end it didn't really make me feel more confident in my work, but at least I proved to myself that I could tackle unfamiliar waters and make headway. Regardless, I left the tech demo where it was and continued to work on Nowhere, MI for the next few months.

I made a lot of progress on Nowhere, and around late November a publisher reached out to me to offer help. I was desperate, after all. I didn't have a lot of money to my name and this was the kind of lifeline I needed to secure so I could finish the game.

To cut a long story short, they kept delaying talks about the game over and over and it became increasingly clear to me that my dream of being funded wasn't going to happen.

I was sort of in a bad spot now. It was early 2023 at this point, and I was going to have to make a tough decision: delay Nowhere and get a retail job to make money (potentially losing sight of the project in the process), or find some other solution to secure funding. No other publishers were going to pick me up (and I really didn't trust a majority of them so I only had my sights set on a handful I felt I could trust), so I came to a new conclusion:

What if I just made something short, say in the span of a month or two, and sell it? Surely that would be easy.

Surely.

The Game

In March of 2023, I began working on the game. I wasn't sure what sort of format I wanted for the game at first, and I had initially considered a rogue-like arena combat game where you'd use the game's momentum mechanics to fight enemies, collect upgrades to improve your abilities, rinse and repeat.

The idea ended up feeling sort of strange when I began pre-production, so I ended up scrapping it.

I thought about the movement system some more and realized that it had a strange kinship to a game I had played just a month earlier: Super Kiwi 64.

Then I thought about Siactro's other games, how they were similarly small-scope platformers that seemed to perform well on Steam and Switch, and I realized that if there was something that would suit my own development style (focused around exploration and secrets), it was a 3D platformer.

The first month was fairly strong. I moved at lightning-speed, hammering systems into the game piece by piece. Collectables were done. Time trials (and their records) were done. Movement had been refined further and felt better than in the initial tech demo. There was also a lot of underlying structuring that I won't get into because it's boring (but important).

About a week in I even started working with my friend Tim (who's a professional environment artist), and we began working together on the hub environment (we brainstormed the layout, I designed the greybox, and he wrapped it up with the environment art).

It was going great, but as March was nearing its end I began to realize what I was dealing with.

"Oh, well yeah I mean I knew it wasn't going to be possible in a month! I'm sure if I grit my teeth it'll be done by the end of April!"

So April came along. Tim and I finished the hub area, I got the world portals set up, and eventually we moved to the first level of the game, Shlarp City.

Tim managed to get a decent chunk of the decorative props done, but circumstances were changing and he had a fulltime job in the industry to attend to, so he had to leave the project.

I reasoned "well, I sort of know how to do environment art and I guess I can just go on without help."

Shlarp's greybox was done, and I was sort of happy about the layout. Some friends playtested the game and liked the movement, so I felt a bit more optimistic about the project.

Despite the boost in optimism, I was starting to feel some kind of dread leaking in. My nights were becoming more frantic and troubled, more than they already had been.

I moved onto the next level, reasoning that it'd be best to get the greyboxes for all of the levels finished first, then return for an art pass afterwards. It was the sensible thing to do, after all.

So I began work on Dunbarrow Mines, and this time I was alone. I finished the greybox, and while I wasn't a huge fan of the level, at least it was done. I moved onto Sleepytime Manor and similarly got the greybox finished. Even since the beginning of the month, something was starting to grow inside of me. April was coming to a close, and I still had another level to greybox, a boss fight, secret areas to add, and an art pass on the entire thing. I hadn't really developed much of a game at that point, just 3 barren levels.

And so May came along.

And this was where it all went to hell.

I had been suffering from a lot of issues in my personal life for a while. The year prior had been particularly traumatic and the waves coming from it weren't done passing over yet. If anything the terror was that the major event from the last year hadn't even finished coming to fruition. The stress from everything had caused me to develop a disorder that made my blood acidic, melting away at my nerves. I fought hard and managed to improve my health, but the damage was done and the occasional return of the neuropathy was just a reminder that my life was spiraling downward.

I entered a period of intense stress and depression as waves of terrible memories came over me. I became neurotic. Started having trouble designing levels. It was already an issue for me, but as my mental state deteriorated I was hitting brick walls over and over.

I had my back against the wall. Game development was my only purpose in life, after all. I had been built for it, sacrificed so many hours to it, put everything else aside for it. The only thought going through my head was that I was dying, and that this stupid game was going to be my graveyard.

So roughly two months came by, with sparing work on the game. I finished Monolith station, but it had to be redesigned 3 times to reach the version you currently see in the game today.

The neurosis made me insane. Constantly seeing my peers succeeding while I flailed desperately in a pit was definitely not helping matters.

But something changed in June.

The Garden

I always had an on-and-off again relationship with plants. I had a sort of preternatural skill with growing things, but my interest waxed and waned a lot. The main thing that stuck through this on-and-off relationship were herbs, since they were easy to cultivate and they needed very little maintenance during the periods where I was losing interest.

As I began to take game development more seriously around halfway into 2021, I stopped gardening entirely.

But something very strange happened in the June of 2023. I was frantically compelled to return to it. I raked, toiled and weeded until I had a plot. Then I started buying seeds and began cultivating vegetables again for the first time in 2 years.

And for the first time in this nightmare I was finally happy about something. I don't know what compelled me to start cultivating plants again, but whatever it was, it rescued me from a very long, dark road.

After 2 weeks, I finally finished the final boss of Orbo's Odyssey.

The game needed a lot more work, but I was finally getting a foothold after months of misery.

Eventually my friend Ben was able to help me with the project, and we made a lot of headway. We brainstormed new ideas for how the player could get gear parts. He modeled a load of props. I scripted a load of systems. Finally, the game actually began to look like a game.

Ben was really important. He was optimistic about the project and wasn't suffering from burnout the way I did, and he helped me get out of my fugue. I can't thank him enough for his help.

After around half a year of hammering, we finished the game.

3 weeks after that, we released it to steam.

And about 2 weeks after the release, we're here now.

The Takeaway

Typically in post-mortems you talk about what you would've done differently, but I think this ending might be a bit different.

I'm not really proud of the level design. I think I also could've done better with my share of the environment art in some levels. I think there could've been more details. I think there could've been more content.

But there's no use kicking myself for what could've been. Of course the next game will be better. The mental state I was in during the development of this game was dire and it had a major impact on the quality of my work. I had to break out of a really bad mindset and try to find a better way of engaging with my life. That wasn't easy.

I think some gamers like to imagine that something that's fun to play was fun to make. It's true that sometimes there are moments where you get excited during game development, but at the end of the day the majority of it is just pure work and toil.

In the end, the reviews on Orbo were very kind. Even the negative reviews were at bare minimum sorta funny.

Hilariously the reviews that bothered me the most were actually positive. The perspective of these reviews was that the game was really the story of some little kid taking his thumb out of his mouth and naively making something he thought was fun. It mainly felt like a way for the reviewers to excuse the weaker elements of the game.

These are the reviews I hate the most. I don't care that they were positive. They're infantilizing. It makes it come across as though the shoddier elements of the game weren't a product of a person having a mental breakdown, but of a child smacking blocks together and making mistakes because he didn't know better.

If you really view art like that, I want you to lean in very closely and listen: Most of the time, people suffered to make something you could enjoy. You're welcome to praise or shun the art by itself, but don't patronize the creator for their effort. I didn't have fun making Orbo. I hated it. And even though I hated it I still tried to put passion into it, because I care about my work.

Anyway I'm glad it's over with. If I attempted to develop the game now it would probably be significantly better, but that's mostly because I've found better methods of managing my mental health.

I have to get back to work on Nowhere, and eventually I have to work on Peeb Adventures. For now, though, I'm taking a break. I'm tired.

Before I go I just want to thank some people.

Thank you Ben for being supportive and helping me make this game happen. I couldn't have done it without you, and I mean it.

Thank you Socpens and Grayfruit for streaming the game and for your kind words. It really means a lot to me, and it gave me a lot more confidence about Orbo's Odyssey post-release.

Thank you Tim for helping early on. I know it was a brief period between us, but I do appreciate the work you did.

Thank you (in no particular order) Bryce, Simone, Jett, Aaron, Quinn, Drew, Ian, and Cosme for being supportive of my work.

Thank you for the folks in the private dev server who were particularly supportive as well.

Thanks for reading.

[bi-bard]

But After All You've Done, I Never Changed My Mind - Barry Allen Imagine [The Flash]

Title: But After All You've Done, I Never Changed My Mind

Pairing: Barry Allen X Reader

Based On: My Love Will Never Die [can't find an official version to link]

Word Count: 934 words

Warning(s): mention of criminal activity

Summary: (Y/n) knew that Barry took a massive chance on them when he trusted them to turn themself around and help people. When they fall into old ways, they believe that they've screwed up every chance they have to lead a better life. Barry shows them just how wrong they are.

Author's Note: Y'all, that trailer dropped, and I knew that I had to get this shit done.

HOZIER [2014] WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

-------------------------

I was growing very tired of the inside of the cells in Star Labs.

I was tired of the blue. I was tired of hearing the other meta-humans throwing tantrums. I was tired of being in the basement of some random lab.

And, most importantly, I was tired of knowing that I put myself here after I had a chance to get myself away from it all.

I had resigned myself to lying on my side facing the wall.

"I can feel you staring," I called out to the person there. I hated the feeling of eyes on me when I wasn't in control of the situation.

"Can't help it. I always stare at you."

I quickly sat up and turned toward the glass.

Barry was standing on the other side of the glass.

I had done a lot of bad things in my life. What I did to Barry hurt the most.

He was the reason that Team Flash ever trusted me to help them. He stood up for me, helped me, trusted me. After all that I had done, he trusted me.

He kissed me. I thought about that a lot. It was so... nice. I didn't get a lot of nice things like that.

And then, at the first chance of anxiety, I found myself running back to what I knew before. I worked with the same boss doing the same shit that got me caught by Team Flash in the first place.

I abandoned Barry and the team because I got too scared about how I felt and if I was going to screw everything up.

I had already given up hope that I would ever be forgiven before they caught me again.

"I didn't think you'd want to see me," I said.

"I've been looking for you for months," Barry replied.

I ran my hand over my face.

"Why did you leave?"

"Not quite cut out to be a hero. Much better on the other side."

"That's crap and you know it."

I rolled my eyes. "Barry, stop-"

"Tell me the truth," he stopped closer to the door. "Why did you leave? What happened? What did we do? What did I do?"

"I am a villain, Barry. That's it. You can't change who I am. What you were doing was fighting against the inevitable. Even now. You want me to be something different. Face it, I will continue making the same damn mistake. Give up. It'll be easier that way."

There was a pause.

"Did you love me," he asked.

My heart stopped. I looked away again.

"(Y/n). Did you love me?"

"Stop-"

"Because I loved you. I still love you. I am so in love with you that I spent months looking for you. I didn't want to catch you. I just wanted to see you."

I closed my eyes.

I looked back at him when the door to the cell started to open.

"You can go," he said once the door was fully open. "Walk out of here. I won't try to stop or fight you. Walk out the door, and I'll stop trying."

I suddenly wished that the door would close again. I didn't want to be in charge of this choice. It scared me. Oh God, I was so in love with him that this choice scared me.

"But know that it's because I love you... not because I would ever give up on you," he continued. "I love you enough to let you leave if that's what you want."

I slowly stepped forward, out of the cage.

I stopped just in front of Barry. He looked at me with this soft look that I was certain was going to make my heart explode. He was my entire world. How was I supposed to walk away from that?

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. I reached out and grabbed his sides, pulling him closer to me. His hands touched my back. I could never let this go. All I wanted was to feel like this forever.

I pulled back slowly.

I basically spoke against his lips, "I love you too, Barry."

He seemed to bite back his smile. He thought that there was a chance that I was going to leave still.

"I want to stay," I muttered as I stepped back fully. "But I can't work here. Not again."

"Why," he asked.

"It's too close, Barry. Too close to... that."

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking ready to argue about it.

"I'm not comparing you to them, I promise," I continued. "I just... I need something that isn't connected to it at all. I need time away from meta-human fights and saving the city and... all of it. I don't trust myself."

I was scared that my confession would change something.

I froze when Barry leaned in and kissed me again. I slowly kissed him back, grinning against his lips. He pulled away this time, smiling at me fully.

"I don't care about you working with us," he said. "I just want you."

I smiled back at him.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

There was a pause before he spoke up again, "Do you wanna go to dinner now?"

I laughed and leaned forward, touching my forehead to his collarbone. "I would rather go lay down somewhere that's more comfortable than the floor."

"I think I can arrange that," he replied.

"Thank you," I moved my head to look at him. "For everything."

"You're welcome."

And this felt like a much better step forward than I had ever taken before.

-------------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[wildflowerteas]

hella got through chapter 6 everyone cheer!

i don't know how to respond to this coherently so i'm just going to scroll down and let the word vomit happen:

the choice of emoji reacts to some of these . . . i'm surprised hella hasn't killed you guys. keeping gin away from this mess is the last thing on my mind, unfortunately *stares at the BEAST tag*

ARRGHHHFGHHH IM SO GLAD YOU GUYS LIKE SSKK. they're such a breath of fresh air, and writing them comes so easily to me. while i like writing skk ( fucked up as they are--even at this point in the story ) and the fast-paced nature of their relationship, this is romance writing work coming from the guy whose only other fic had a first kiss at uhhh...160k words.

yesenina did serve too hard. i imagine her as similair to the others, but with a Rita Hayworth-like air of ambition about her, and that's a serve. and it's what gets her killed.

Chuuya Yuan history coming in SOON. actually. Next chapter. seeing hella lose it over Chuuya's internal monologue here has been absolutely hilarious and kind of rewarding. I Knew All That because I'm the author ( duh ) so i never really grasped how strange the shift to Chuuya's thoughts about the relationship would be. I mean there's snippets of it, like the diner scene, but you're right, it's fanfic and so that is a lot easier to sweep under the rug.

ACAB. I considered putting a line from Doc Riedenschneider in The Asphalt Jungle ( 1950 ) "Experience has taught me to never trust a policeman. Just when you think one's alright, he turns legit." in a divider chapter between part I and part II, but I thought was too on the nose following 7 ( and a bit pretentious considering this is just ao3 fanfic and not a published work or anything ) so i grabbed myself by the metaphorical monkey backpack and didn't. Mafia Nepo Baby 😭 I love Hella HUGE WIN FOR ME. I was so nervous because i needed to balance Chuuya being observant but also quite literally *out of the loop.* He's not from the same world as Dazai--he's not involved with the murders or the politics or the mess going on yet. He comes across as oblivious at times because Dazai's POV is purposefully designed to make you see him that way. Dazai's so sure he's in control of what Chuuya knows that he doesn't realize he might have met his match.

ZSKK are uhm. yeah. all im gonna say there.

the "PARDON." IM CACKLING

argh. the switch up with this chapter...why the hell am i getting nostalgic for something i wrote less than two months ago ( ican't believe i've been grinding through this fic so fast jesus ).

i love unhealthy dynamics, truly. this fic was really a test to see if i could write soukoku making each other worse. which is a pretty stark contrast to my other stuff.

HELLA. OH MY GOD. that bit about their careers . . . i can't believe she noticed that. Chuuya started the fic genuinely ambitious, wanting the spotlight, wanting to defy expectations set upon him by his looks, his race, and his past. Dazai's a cop, sworn to uphold the law, but he doesn't feel like a good person. He can't ( interlude chapter . . . stares out the window ), but he can use everything about who he is to give Chuuya the life he wants. like a guardian ange--*gets taken out by a sniper chapter 8 style* Their original goals aren't gone, per se, they've simply been reoriented.

can't wait for chapter 7

i know it'll make Hella want to hunt me down for sport, so i'll sleep with both eyes open for the forseeable future.

[kasdan]

𝐸𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟'𝑠 𝐹𝑢𝑟𝑦 {𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 10}

join the taglist | series masterlist | marvel masterlist

Summary: you question where you and frank stand while struggling with your emotions

Pairing: frank castle x reader

Warnings: angst, reader is confused, girlie destroys a bathroom, frank is a butt face doodoo head, awkwardness, language, trust issues, trauma

Word count: 1.7k

Chapter song: love me or leave me - little mix

I'm sitting on the bed, legs crossed under me, mindlessly watching whatever happens to be on TV at the moment. Every once in a while, I glance over to Frank, who seems to be actively avoiding my gaze, his head turned in the other direction from where I sit.

The air in the room has shifted ever since what happened, and it feels like I'm being suffocated by it. I have tried multiple times to say something to him, but every time I look over at him, I can't bring myself to say anything that might bother him more.

It feels like we've been sitting here for hours in silence, and I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I'm just about to get up and lock myself in the bathroom, desperate to get away from the feeling in the room, when the door to the motel opens and David steps back inside.

I'm quick to turn off the TV and practically jump up from the bed I'm on, causing David to look taken aback by the sudden movement. "Hey," I say, desperate to break the uncomfortable tension in the room.

"Hey," David glances at Frank on the bed, but if he notices that he's awake, he doesn't say anything. "Sorry that I took so long; I had to go back to the bunker to get something and picked up food on the way back." He motions to the bag that I just notice he has in his hand.

He sets the bag on the surface next to the TV before reaching for something in his pocket. "Before I forget, here, put this on." He walks over to me, extending a small silver bracelet out for me to grab. I take it out of his hand, examining it before sending him a questionable look. "It'll help your powers be untraceable from anyone." 

I look down at the small item in my hand, hesitant to put it on right away without knowing exactly what it's supposed to do. "How?" I ask, looking up at David, for an explanation.

He sighs softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed I was once on before looking up at where I stayed standing. "When you use your powers, you send an extreme amount of electromagnetic waves through the air, which is how you’re able to be tracked. When you said you were using your powers earlier, I was able to catch the signal and smother it so no one was able to follow it. Even if they saw it beforehand, they would have only seen the general location of where you were; they would have no idea where to start." 

I wouldn't know if Frank is even awake right now if it weren't for the slight sound movement coming from the bed he's on. If David notices, he doesn't say anything and continues where he left off. "The bracelet I just handed you should make it so any signal you emit when using your powers isn't able to be picked up. I had a feeling that something like this would be able to work for you; I just needed to figure out how they were tracking you, and you using your powers at that house is when I was able to figure it out." 

I look down at the bracelet that I still hold in my hand, examining it more. I spend time just looking at the object in my hands and clicking the small button on it that pops it open to make it easier to put on. It looks similar to the one I already have, which makes me more hesitant to put it on. I can't shake the feeling that it's a trap for me to put on the same type of bracelet, rendering me defenseless as soon as I put it on.

"Hey" I almost jump at the sound of Frank's voice, not expecting to hear it after so long of silence. I tear my gaze away from the bracelet to see Frank sitting back up in bed, looking at me. "Remember what we talked about?" It doesn't take me long to know what he's talking about. It's like he knows what I'm thinking without me having to outright say it.

I want to trust him; I really do, but for some reason my body just can't move in order to put the bracelet on. There's still a part of me that doesn't want to take the risk of it, remembering how it felt the endless years I spent in the lab.

My gaze falls to the ground, not being able to look at him any longer. "'S okay; you don't have to do anythin' you don't want to."

"Well-" David starts to speak but immediately stops after he sees the glare Frank sends his direction. I can feel my emotions going into overdrive again, and before anyone can say anything, I'm pushing past the two beds to quickly make my way to the bathroom, keeping my head down the entire time.

I make sure I lock the door behind me before leaning on the sink. I close my eyes and try to get my breathing back to normal. I can hear brief mumbled exchanges happening with the two men I left in the other room.

I clutch the bracelet in my hand as I focus on calming down my breathing enough to focus my mind on something else. It takes a little bit, but I'm able to get my breathing and heart rate back to a bearable pace.

I open my eyes to find my reflection staring back at me. I can barely recognize myself anymore; my eyes are no longer sunk in as much as they were before and no longer look dull and void; I look alive. No longer used as the experiment I was; a look that I didn't know existed.

I run my fingers over the bracelet, noticing that even though it looks similar to the one I'm already wearing, the material of it is a lot smoother than the roughness of the other one, as if the comfort of wearing the bracelet were thought of. 

There is no reason not to trust the two men that brought me in; they haven't really done anything showing any hostility towards me or any indications that they had any intentions of putting me back into the experimental life I was living, and I don't understand why it's so hard for me to put on a bracelet that they say will help me.

"Fuck it." I whisper under my breath before quickly clipping the bracelet onto my wrist before I change my mind. I stand there for a couple seconds, thinking something is going to happen, but everything remains the same. It's not until I unclip the old bracelet, thinking there's not much use for me to be wearing it any longer, that everything happens at once.

As soon as the old bracelet leaves my wrist, the mirror in front of me cracks, the light above me pops, and the ground below me starts to shake. The door to the bathroom cracks in half, causing me to jump back from it, and I feel a slight buzzing in my hands, but my mind is focused on the shaking of the room.

The shaking doesn't last long, but it does enough damage to knock things off the shelves. It's not long before quick footsteps are heard rushing towards the bathroom, and David and Frank's faces are easily seen through the broken door.

"What happened?" David rapidly gets out, and at the same time, Frank asks if I'm okay in the same manner.

"Uh, something with this." I hold up the old bracelet I recently took off my wrist while glancing around the ruined bathroom one more time. 

David and Frank share a look at each other before David leaves the view through the door, muttering something along the lines of "we have to go" before I hear him back in the previous room.

Frank gently looks at me for a moment before whispering "c'mon" and leaving in the direction David left. I can't understand what he's thinking when he looks at me now or what I did for him to look at me so differently in such a short amount of time. I'll have to force myself to talk to him later, not knowing how to even start the conversation or what it's even supposed to be about.

I look down at the bracelet left in my hand and let out a sharp breath before dropping it to the ground and going to pull the doorknob so what's left of the door opens. I use my other hand to hold up the top part of the door so it doesn't fall, and once I'm out of the destroyed bathroom, I lay the part of the door as softly as I can against the doorframe and walk towards the other room.

The door to the room is open, and I can see David loading things into the car he parked as close as possible to the room from where I stand. I look over to see Frank messing with the bandage on his side, softly grunting when it doesn't do what he wants.

"I can help you." I take a step towards him, but he quickly deflects my help.

"'M fine." He forces out almost aggressively, turning his body away from me, causing me to take a step back. Does he hate me? Suddenly water sounds from outside, and I look out to see water coming down harshly and David running to where we are, his jacket over his head, to try to prevent himself from getting wet.

"It started pouring out of nowhere; we should leave before it gets any worse. Luckily, there don't seem to be many people here who heard the commotion, so we should be good." He ushers both of us out of the room so he can lock the door behind us after doing a quick sweep to make sure he got everything before locking up.

Frank quickly sits in the front seat of the car while I get in the back, and David gets in behind the wheel a couple seconds later. 

He hands out the containers of food for the road, and I spend the ride slowly eating the food, with the sound of rain hitting the car and clouding me from the world outside the car.

@sleeperthelazy @hathay @lunaticgurly @casa-boiardi @mattmurdocksstarlight @stilldreaming666 @cherry-berry-ollie

buy me a coffee ♡

[remcycl333]

rem how do u build faith

honestly i think the best way to build faith is just trying to apply the law even if you don't think it'll work or that not you're doing it right. when i first started i'd get sooo scared i wasn't doing it correctly but i'd just force myself to continue trying instead of giving up. in moments like this when id be like "what if it doesn't work? what if im doing it wrong?" i'd just calmly talk to myself and be like "but what if it does? i've seen proof of the law from others, there's no way every single one of the THOUSANDS of success stories ive seen are fake. what's the harm of TRYING?" it's important to note that having doubts is not the end of the world!!! it's not gonna mess everything up! you don't have to "start over"! in moments like these you can also just talk to yourself and be like "what am i talking about? i already have my desire? there's nothing to worry about anymore! i already did it!"

it's kind of similar to what i talked about in this post of mine, about how you don't have to be perfect at first. the more you apply the law, the more and more "natural" and easier it will feel to you. like when i started, saying an affirmation or imagining myself with my desire felt soo weird to me. but i just kept doing it even tho it felt unnatural and soon enough it start feeling as natural as breathing to me! if the first few days are hard for you, just keep persevering and with each day that goes by, it will get easier and easier and you will trust yourself and the process even more!

also when i first learned about manifesting, i loved looking back at stuff and seeing how i had unconsciously manifested them. like i remember one time i was crying and wrote in my journal about how my bf and i were prob gonna break up and then five days later he broke up with me. and looking back i was like damn i scripted before i even knew what scripting or manifesting was!

ALSO, don't over consume but i loved going back and re-reading some of my fav posts abt manifesting, it'd get me so excited abt the law and feel so confident about it. even now i do that, like i just re-read my dismissing the 3d post the other day and it made me feel so happy and excited bc i really love the law!!!

+everyone i see usually recommends manifesting "small" things in order to build faith. things that feel more believable to you, such as having someone say something specific to you or getting free food, etc!

i hope this helps!

[azrielgreen]

Do you have any advice for plotting fics? I tend to wing it and work up to one specific scene I imagined but with long fics that method isn't always the best

Hi, yes! Apologies for the late reply, I'm still working through Asks💜

My advice for plotting fics is to keep the mystery!! Your method and mine are very similar, I get into a story and just go wild with maybe three future scenes in mind and while I don't ever plot out traditionally (except with Prism) I DO use a few neat little tricks.

I have a kind of mental wardrobe with selections of vibes/feelings/settings/themes inside and I always select from that - it becomes clear to me what kind of story it'll be after about 25k. I collect things in my head like CRAZY.

I also use a mechanism which I call Red Door moments, which is that without essentially KNOWING what it'll later become, I'll give soft significance to three of four things throughout the opening and then tie them in later. This is the Chekhov's Gun method, except I'm always winging it and trusting in my Hind Self to tie things together neatly which she always always does. One thing I am good at is tying things together and the more I trust myself to do it subconsciously, the easier it is to dive in and explore and do whatever I want.

Touched is a great example of this. I had four scenes/plot points that were absolutely rock solid and the rest came about naturally as the story progressed. I trusted my wardrobe and Red Door moments and it came together so perfectly.

Everyone is different, of course, and what works for me might not work for others, but this is what I do! 💜💜💜

[detective-prince-pkmn]

⚡️ What do you really think about Joker?

I wish I could just say that I fucking hate him. It'd be so, so much EASIER to be able to just say I hate him. But it can't be that simple. I'm jealous of him. So unbelievably jealous. He doesn't seem to realize what a damn luxury it is, to be able to care about others. To be able to trust others. To be able to rely on ANYONE other than himself. He's so lucky. He has people that actually want him around. People that would miss him if he was gone. I wonder how long it'll take for anyone back home to even notice that I'm not there anymore. Hell, they might not EVER notice. Likely, I'll just get replaced with someone new, and entirely forgotten about, like some cheap fucking toy. The thing I hate the most, though, is how part of me also admires him. I wish I was able to have power, for once in my life. I wish I had been able to change things. I wish I could've had everything he did. I NEED to be as good as him. I need to be BETTER than him. I'm sick and fucking tired of not being able to choose shit for myself. I don't hate him. He's just EVERYTHING I wish I could have had, and it really pisses me off.

[toasterdrake]

Doric x gn!Reader - First Watch

Doric cuddling up to you because it's cold, with a dash of unrequited (?) pining

"I'll take first watch," you say, "Keep an eye on the horses."

Edgin nods and lets you go. He has dinner to craft and plans to brew.

The horses are tethered just outside the copse of trees the party has made your campsite. Hills sprawl out around the overgrown crown, a blanket of navy green under the sapphire of an evening sky. Wind brushes the trees and long grass; the horses nicker softly to each other.

Making the rounds, you loosen each saddle's girth to ensure their comfort for the night. Yelps punctuate flashes of light behind you; Simon is practicing a new spell from the scroll you had recently been compensated with. Doric is laughing at his misfortune; oh, how charming he is.

You settle for your watch on a patch of soft grass skirting a proud birch tree. Silver bark is cool against your back, and the Northern wind is icy. You shiver, pulling your cloak tighter around your shoulders. The sun's warmth has begun to seep from the earth, leaving the hillside cold.

Petrichor is in the air, haze of falling rain distant over the hills. It'll reach your campsite in the night. When your watch is over and a cold dinner in your belly, you'll warn the others. Not that much can be done in the face of nature.

The evening wanes, sky darkening into indigo. Firelight trickles through shadows of trees, quiet discussion whispers on the breeze.

"You know, usually when people volunteer for first watch it's because they want to be alone."

Gentle so as not the spill the contents of the bowl she's holding, Doric nudges you with her foot.

"Edgin said to bring you dinner before it goes cold."

"Oh. Alright. Thanks."

When you take the bowl from her -- it is warm in your hands; you cradle it as your only vestige of the far-off fire -- Doric settles next to you against the birch.

"Oh, are you going to stay?"

"Would you like me to go?"

You almost want her to leave, but more than anything you want her to stay. Moreover, she wants to stay, so who are you to deny her?

"No, I don't mind." A beat passes as you bring the spoon up to your mouth. "Can I ask why, though?"

Doric shuffles her feet, watching the toes of her boots shift grass. "It's just... Simon, he's... he's nice and all, but..."

"He's into you and that makes you uncomfortable?" You supply.

Relieved you've filled in the blanks, Doric nods. Finding her words is easier now. "He doesn't seem to get that... that he's fighting for a second chance when I've already told him no."

Listening to the world surround the two of you, Doric is silent for a while. She picks at grass, knotting blades together. You stay quiet as well, focused on eating, grateful to be trusted as a rare space to vent.

Eventually, "My reason last time was that he made me feel sad, but it wasn't really his fault. He made me sad because I was trapping myself, trying to feel something for him."

Doric begins tearing at the grass crown she'd built, before giving up and letting it scatter in the wind. "I never should've given him a first chance. How am I supposed to turn him down now?"

Setting your empty bowl on a mossy root of the tree, you give your full attention to the druid beside you. Though Doric's question is likely rhetorical, you need to answer it. For her sake.

"You don't have to give him an excuse. 'No' will always be enough. He'll understand that, even if it takes him some time."

The smile Doric gives you is tired, but undeniably grateful. You hate the way your heart seizes in your chest.

The birch's roots cradle the two of you too closely, and now your shoulders are pressed together with nowhere to go. Doric seems unfazed, perfectly comfortable against you. You bring your knees up just for the excuse of locking your arms around them, holding your own hand instead of hers.

The evening wanes further into night, yet Doric shows no indication of leaving, despite shivers chasing up her spine on occasion. Surely a seat by the fire would be warmer, so why is she here with you? Does she dread Simon that strongly?

Disillusioned by the bite of the wind, Doric leans further into you. She seems to take comfort in the warmth of your body, and you don't have the strength in your heart to push her away. Instead, you open up -- bringing your cloak around to encompass Doric as well.

Smiling against you, Doric sighs deeply, light and content. She tucks her head under yours, chin resting on your collarbone. Your throat bobs, your hand resting on her shoulder under the cloak. The impression of a horn presses against the underside of your jaw, and copper hair tickles your neck. Doric's tail curls around your leg in a comforting gesture.

Damn your heart.