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honeyabyss · 3 years

Text

Mc falling asleep next to them

Lucifer:

he had been working nonstop for hours now and the pile of yet to be read and signed documents wasn't getting any smaller

you had been sitting in his study silently working on your own assignments, that was until you've finished them about an hour ago

pacing his room in boredom and looking at the stuff he keeps in his closets (mostly books, records and demonus)

"Could you stop wandering around, you're irritating me!" Lucifer is stressed, annoyed, etc and your sighs, constant footsteps and opening and closing of closet doors, didn't help him to concentrate

you could have left the room and found something else to do, but you were determined to spend some time with him, as the evening work hours are quite literally the only hours where you can be alone with him

so instead you seeked permission for putting on a record to have at least some entertainment, which was both a good and a bad choice at the same time

yes you had something to enjoy and relax to, but the relaxing part worked a little bit too well

after a good ten minutes you were sleeping peacefully, stretched out all over his sofa with no care in the world

"I'm going to take a small break and get some coffee. Do you want something as well?" Lucifer asked only to be met with silence, which he didn't appreciate

he was about scold you for being rude, when his gaze fell on your sleeping form and the words seemed stuck in his throat

how could you sleep so peacefully right next to one of the strongest demons of hell, he honestly didn't know if he was pleased you found comfort in his presence or if he should be annoyed that you don't take him serious enough

nonetheless you seemed to have a good sleep and as this is often near impossible in the House of Lamentation, he decided to let you sleep

he got himself his coffee and once back in his study he moved his workplace to the small coffee table and took a seat next to you on the sofa

he adjusted your form so you weren't hanging half of the edge and put his coat over your sleeping form for some warmth

"Foolish little lamb, letting your guard down in a house of wolves, good thing I'm here to protect you..."

Mammon:

"And then I, the Great Mammon, made an action movie worthy escape and totally didn't run away in a panic, because Lucifer was chasing me..."

he had been telling you how exactly he got into the situation of hanging from the ceiling once again, as you've tried as careful as possible to cut him free, which was harder then expected with the way he kept moving around

once finally free, he dropped onto the ground, whining about the rope burns he got basically all over his body, though demons heal quicker, it still wasn't a nice feeling

with a sigh you offered him your hand and pulled him up and away to your room to give him some of the salve Satan had made you the last time you had accidentally cut yourself while cooking

you sat a flustered Mammon onto your bed while you went ahead and searched through your bathroom cabinets that were filled with products Asmo had gifted you, when you finally found it you asked Mammon to hold still while you put some salve onto his burned skin

"W-what?! N-no way! I don't need your help, I can do that on my own!" and with that Mammon stormed away with your salve and locked himself into your bathroom

you knew better then to argue at this point, Mammon would do what Mammon wants to do...until he fails and seeks protection behind your back...

be it because he is embarrassed, doesn't know how to open the salve tube, or because there were so many rope burns...but Mammon took quite long to apply the crème, leaving you to wait for him for at least half an hour now

helping out Mammon can become quite tiring, not that you mind helping him or don't like being around him, but a nap sounds nice right now

and so you lay down in your bed, it is after all your room, and just because Mammon is currently camping out in your bathroom, doesn't mean that you can't take a nap

Mammon comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later, he probably needed a few more minutes to build up courage to face and thank you, but he is met with the sight of you sleeping on your bed

Mammons brain is working overdrive, trying to figure out if he should leave the room quietly, wake you up or stay and watch over you...then again he doesn't want to be seen as a creep by you, but he can't deny that he would like to stay with you

he carefully climbs into bed and pushes you a bit further in so you sleep on the wall side and don't fall off in case you move, it takes five more minutes until Mammon risks putting his arm around you all while holding his breath in anticipation of your rejection, when none comes he settles a little closer to you and falls asleep as well

"Don't worry my human, the Great Mammon is gonna keep you warm and protected in your sleep!"

Bonus: even though you two fall asleep next to each other with only Mammons arm wrapped around you, expect him to wake up on top of you holding you like your his pillow

Leviathan:

it was 5am and Levi and you were currently waiting in line in front of a shop to get your hands on a new limited edition Ruri-Chan figurine

surprisingly enough even though you turned up quite early, there were a good amount of people in front of you

the shop would only open a 9am so you still had a long time to queue in the coldness of the devildom morning

"Ah that is not fair! We planned everything so carefully, it was the perfect timing, why aren't we first in line?" Levi complained while standing on his tiptoes to be able to see and count the demons in front of him, coming to the conclusion that if everyone were to buy one figurine he'd still be able to buy one for himself...and whatever you might want

you weren't the happiest when he told you about his plan a few weeks prior and getting woken up this early you might have been a little slower than usual in getting yourself ready, now that you were here you couldn't help but feel a little guilty

you tried to cheer Levi up with the argument that if you were longer in line that also meant you could spend more time together, which resulted in Levi turning into a blushing but happy mess

you put down the blanket you've brought and made yourself comfortable on it, Levi joining you but looking a bit stiff from the closeness

you ate a breakfast consisting out of sandwiches made with whatever was left after Beels midnight snack, which wasn't much but better than nothing

afterwards as there was still a lot of time to pass you started to play some games on his Switch, trying to stay awake

the emphasis lies on 'trying', because after 2 hours or so you start to fall asleep, eyelids and limbs heavy, you don't have the energy left in you to fight the sleep and so you nod off, your head falling onto Levis shoulder who had been inching closer over the period of time...to be able to better see the Switch display not to be closer to you...

Levi.exe has stopped working

there he sits red as a tomato with Mc sleeping on his shoulder, the queue in front of him starts to pack up and move as the shop gets ready to open up, his Switch display is showing the game over screen, his mind feels fogged over and he has no idea how to react now

Mc just fell asleep and Levi feels guilty to wake them...but they have to move...

"H-hey Mc? T-the line i-is moving? Wake up....please..." his attempts are way to quiet for you to hear and even as he gently shakes your shoulder you do not wake, leaving Levi quiet in a dilemma

"N-no other choice..." he says as he packs up the stuff alone, leaving only you sitting on the cold floor...he can't just leave you here..

Levi turns into his demon form, his hands shaking and eyes flitting across your from and over the crowd of other demons, before he carefully lifts you into his arm, his tail wrapping around you as well for more stabilization, so he has one hand free to carry his shopping bag later

he never bought something faster than that day, he got his figurine and even bought you some anime merch he knew you had stated to like, all while feeling like he was running the worst fever of his life and receiving stares, giggles and smug smiles from way too may people, that was enough attention for at least a century for Levi...but he did like holding you in his arms

"This is not fair! I have to deal with all the embarrassment while you sleep...but I guess it's okay if it's for you..."

Satan:

Satans last anger fit had caused way more damage than usually, it had taken place in the library when Mammon had tried to steal a very rare book about spells, to sell it after he found out how rare it actually is...now that lead to Satan throwing down and emptying almost all bookshelves and kicking Mammon through the room

While Mammon was strung upside down from the ceiling, Satan was forced to clean up the library alone, but you had pity on him as there were quite a lot to clean up, if Lucifer doesn't find out you helped there will be no consequences

Satans opinion about you helping was split, first of all he was really thankful for the help even though he was at fault for the chaos, having to clean up all alone was a bit much, but on second thought Satan was worried that you tried to go against Lucifers orders, he's proud of you for defying his eldest brother but also feels like it's a stupid idea

but you have made your mind up and so while Satan repairs and stands up the shelves, you begin to put the books in, you might not know the exact way they stood like Satan, but for now getting them off the floor is the priority

there aren't many words spoken as you silently work away, only once in a while you point out a book which got a bit more damage, the cover hanging off loosely or a few pages ripped out, you two decide depending on the damage if it can be fixed or not

every now and then Satan asks you to hold a piece of a shelf together while he fixes it, he is surprisingly fast and knows exactly how to repair it...just as if he had to do it more than once in a while...

"Oh Mc? Can you give me the screwdriver? No no that one, the one with the cross head is what I need..." you had no idea there were so many different tools, and wouldn't be the slotted one sufficient if you just angled it right? Satan just laughs and let's you try it for yourself, only for you to fail, he then shows you how to do it correctly guiding you through fixing your first shelf

"The last shelf is standing again, I'll help you with the book now." Satan pointed out, a small ray of hope now that only the books were left, you didn't reply, which honestly wasn't really necessary, but a small affirming noise would have been nice, so Satan tries to keep the 'conversation' going, while he works on the books with his back turned to you

"...you're still ignoring me? Are you angry at me for making such a mess? You know you didn't have to help...you can go, no need to act like all high and mighty!" he was getting angry again, yes he did make a mess, but he didn't do anything to you! Had he? He couldn't remember, but humans might interpret actions and words differently…he didn't want you to be mad at him, and neither did he want to get angry at you, but with you ignoring him it became quite difficult to keep his voice low

having enough and wanting to make up before it gets worse, he makes his way over to you, who was leaning against a shelf with a book in your hand

as he sits down next to you and turns your body to him through a guiding hand on your shoulder, he startles, you fell asleep in a sitting position? That sounds more like something Belphie would do...Isn't that uncomfortable?

You must have been exhausted after filling up three shelves of books and fell asleep midway on your fourth shelf, Satan chuckles amused and relieved you aren't mad at him but simply sleeping

He picks you up and brings you to your room where he lies you down in your bed, covering you with the blanket and hesitantly stroking your hair before going back to cleaning up the library

"Thank you for being so patient with me and helping me! You can rest now and I'll make it up to you later!"

Bonus: he will most definitely take you out on a date of your choice, even if he doesn't enjoy the idea as much as you

Asmodeus:

Asmo had taken you out shopping, as he claimed his wardrobe was not having the right clothes anymore so he had to get new ones fast

he had dragged you through town for the whole day and you two only returned home late in the afternoon, you completely exhausted and ready to drop in your bed, while Asmo while being slightly tired, still insisted on putting on all the clothes and showing them off to you and his followers on Devilgram

he entrusted you with his D.D.D to take some nice amazing shots of him to gain even more followers, though that seemed impossible as it already felt as if the whole population of hell was already subscribed to his account

but as long as all you had to do was hold the D.D.D up and click the screen for a picture, you were fine, you sat down on Asmos bed trying not to disturb the bags of clothes that lay there as well

Asmos screen lit up nearly every few seconds with a new message, how did this man not get crazy with all the message?! And he must check them all, because whenever you write him, he is on and writing back instantly...maybe you should steal his D.D.D from time to time to get him away from it...

While Asmo was changing into new clothes in the bathroom, you could hear him humming a happy tune, clearly in his element and enjoying his time, which made you happy as well, but the exhaustion was still plaguing you and the bed felt unbelievably comfy and on top of that the humming of Asmo was slowly lulling you into sleep

"Oooh Mc~ I especially like this top! Just look how nicely it fits, it shows of my best parts, which are all of me haha...hey Mc?~ Look at me!" Asmo pouted as you stayed put on his bed, and climbed over your form, already expecting you to start pushing him off, only to get concerned when you don't

then he sees your eyes are closed and you seem to be peacefully asleep, he instantly coos at your sweet sleeping expression, the back of his hand caresses you cheeks softly, but you don't react much besides moving a bit into am ore comfy position

Asmo backs off and begins to put down his bags, then he tucks you under his covers and climbs right in with you, pulling you close so that you lie on his chest, his arms encircling you to keep you put

the pictures for Devilgram are forgotten for now, they're not running away anyway, you two can continue another time, but for a beauty nap sounds good

"Oh Mc! You look so cute when you're sleeping...next time tell me you need a break, I'm happy to cuddle you while you're recovering!"

Beelzebub:

you had decided to stay a bit longer at RAD today, because you still had something to discuss with one of the teacher, as well as doing some research for an essay that was due next week

most of the brothers had already left for home or different work related activities, except Beel who had Fangol practice today after school, and as you were not allowed to walk around the Devildom without someone accompanying you for protection, all that was left for you was to wait for Beel to finish his practice, which usually took place for about two hours

you sat down on one of the benches at the side of the field, waving to Beel so he knew you where you were and could keep an eye on you

you worked away on your homework and checked you D.D.D from time to time replying to all the messages you got

the practice seemed to be still not finished even after two hours had passed and you were getting a bit tired from sitting around, but you also couldn't just wander off, Beel might start worry...plus the risk of running into a less friendly demon was still a thing

so you shifted from one position into another not really being able to get comfortable on the hard wooden bench

the ground seemed to be comfier with every minute passing, and so you lay down ignoring the weird looks of the team and trainers, you're body simply wasn't made to sit on this bench longer than necessary

"Here you can wrap yourself in this...it's getting cold. Training is almost over, just hold out a few more minutes!" Beel came over and gave you his jacket and you quickly put it on revelling in his warmth

but here is the problem the jacket made you feel so comfortable that you fell asleep, right on the floor next to a few dozen demons

"We're finished! I'm hungry, let's go get something to eat, any wishes what you want?" Beel was packing his stuff and rambling on about how he could eat at least one year worth of food, training having starved him quite a lot

but when you didn't respond he grew worried and kneeled down next to you, gently resting his hand on your side, he simply laughed when he saw you fell asleep, he is used to it due to Belphie, so he carefully picks you up and carries you home, deciding to order food once there

just Beel giving you a piggy back home, softly smiling to himself and being happy you've come to be so at ease around demons..still at bit worried, but he'll protect you, no worries

"I'll stay by your side until you wake up...and then we can eat lots of good food...please just don't sleep too long or I might have to eat before you wake up."

Belphegor:

so there he was, sleeping, on your bed, in your room, without an invitation...and honestly it wasn't even a surprise anymore, coming home after a work shift at Hell's Kitchen and just wanting to sleep, but no there was no space for you on the bed

I have no idea how, but he manages to occupy the whole bed, and hog blanket and pillows to himself as well

if only he was easy to wake, just to tell him to move over, but no he wouldn't wake up unless you pulled the big guns and nobody wants to face the consequences after one dumped water bottle on his head, it would be a hundred times easier and less dangerous to wake Satan

but you were really tired and just wanted to cuddle into your bed, maybe you could maneuver him with a bit strength..actually forget that...you could always call Beel for help to carry him to his own bed, but by the way he was clinging to your blanket and pillows, that would only end in a empty mattress to sleep on and then you would get cold...

honestly it was his own fault at this point you had threatened him to do it, but he had just laughed it off...

and so you climbed into bed and lay down on top of him, wrapping your arms around him so that you would get at least his body warmth if not the blanket

to your surprise he didn't wake up and he was really comfy, his rhythmic breathing was really relaxing and it didn't take you long to fall asleep

after some time Belphie wakes up with you wrapped around him, he quickly realises that you're asleep, but is stunned nonetheless that you would actually have the guts to sleep on top of him with the risk of waking him up in a bad mood

"That's quite bold of you! You didn't think I will let that slip though, right?" he chuckles amused but shifts nonetheless to make room for you, his embrace is tight, and he hopes just a little bit that you wake up, so he can tease you, but you stay asleep looking content with your new position

"I suppose I could go for another nap...now that I have my favourite pillow with me, sleeping will be even better!" he cuddles you, just like the blanket and pillows...which you don't get any of by the way, but you get Belphie so that's even better, he's gonna keep you warm, don't worry

"You're such a odd human...no idea why I like you...anyway just stay here in my arms and sleep!"

Diavolo:

yesterday was amazing, Dia had taken you to a trip in the human world and you had showed him around, visiting as many places as you two could

what you didn't know was that he had actually sneaked out of the castle to spend time with you

well you didn't know until a very angry Barbatos opened a portal right in front of you two and started lecturing Dia for at least one hour

you felt a bit guilty that you were the indirect cause of this and quickly apologised to him promising to make it up

so here you were in Dias office, overseeing him to do his work so he couldn't sneak out again and Barb didn't have to find him

after all if the reason for sneaking out was right in his room then he had no reason to go, besides the intimidating amount of work left on his desk after yesterdays excurse

Dia worked concentrated for most of the time, only now and then staring out of the window or talking to you

"Isn't it boring to watch me work? I can work alone, I promise to run away...or else Barbatos might get a heart attack from shock of seeing me gone again" he chuckled while signing another document

you reassured you didn't mind sitting next to him in silence, you had a good book borrowed from Satan, tea and cookies from Barbatos and you could stare at Diavolo all day long

your last statement made Dia flush red quite quickly and he tried to distract himself with his work, he slouched over in his chair trying to escape your gaze, but you were having none of it

your arms snaked around his waist and your head came to lean on his shoulder, Dia stiffened not sure how to react he liked the feeling of you hugging him, but now he was scared to move too much as not to disturb you or accidentally hit you with his elbow while trying to write

after a few more documents his eyes flit over to your face, cheek squished against his shoulder, eyes closed and breathing calmly

"Mc? Are.. are you sleeping?" he is whispering trying not to be too loud in case you are truly sleeping, and that you are! A soft smile graces his lips, nobody was ever this relaxed around him, he is proud and wants you to stay asleep as long as possible

he keeps working until Barbatos knocks on the door, coming in and announcing to have brought more tea, only to stop when he sees the sight in front him, Mc holding onto Dia, head resting on his shoulder and sleeping, while Dia put his finger to his lips to tell him not to be too loud

you sleep for an hour or so until Dia really has to move, apologising multiple times for having to wake you

"I'm glad you're able to relax around me, please continue to be yourself! My shoulder is always there for you to nap!"

Barbatos:

"You liked the cake that much? I'm flattered! I could teach you how to make it if you'd like?"

you had been over for tea at the castle and the chocolate cake with black-as-hell cherries was the best cake you've ever ate, it was bittersweet in taste not too much sweetness and not too much bitterness, paired with the melting chocolate, you could have eaten the whole cake on your own

you doubt you'd be able to get the same ingredients in the human realm but maybe you could find similar ones, so you were more than willing to learn with Barbatos

and so you arranged to meet the next Sunday afternoon for a baking session

Barb let you into the castle already awaiting you at the door even though you were early

you two worked on the cake, Barb explaining each step carefully, even for the easiest steps he takes his time to explain and help you, being very patient with you no matter how much you screw up

"Next we have to melt the chocolate in a pot. Wait a minute I turn on the stove for you" while you put the chocolate pieces into a pot, Barb moves behind you and turns on the stove, his arms brushing your sides, yet he stays fully focused, what can't be said for you

the cake is put together quickly with you two working together and while it bakes in the oven and the chocolate is meting, you two go ahead and start cutting and coring the rest of the cherries to decorate the cake later

"Here have a taste, they're bitter at first but the aftertaste is nicely sweet!" He holds out a cored cherry for you to taste and eats one himself, smiling gently at you while you sniff at the fruit first, which smells exactly like a normal human world cherry

the only thing left to do is wait for the cake so you two sit down for some tea at a small table in the kitchen, talking about the week, when Diavolo calls for Barb and he quickly excuses himself to help the prince out

the sweet aroma of the baking cake, the warmth of the tea and the very comfy chair you're sitting in, are a dangerous combination making you fall asleep

as Barb returns he sees you with your head lying on your folded arms on the table, clearly asleep, Barb decides to eave you there while cleans the kitchen and checks on the cake half an hour later

"Mc? The cake is ready to be decorated do you want sleep or do you want to help me?" somewhat embarrassed you stand up and help him with the decorations , Barb acts if nothing happened but he can't help but think about your gentle expression while you slept

"Next time I'll let you sleep longer... I wouldn't mind if you visited me for your naps if that meant I could see you more often."

Solomon:

learning magic was many things: exciting, frustrating, dangerous, fun...but sometimes it also was unbelievable boring

like when you think about magic, you think about casting charms, curses, making potions and all that stuff, but nobody told you that beforehand you have to learn everything about the new spell or etc in theory!

so here you were sitting with Solomon as he rambled on about how while the shrinking charm could have really bad side effects if casted wrong, sure it was important to know how to cast it correctly but did you really have to listen on to everything that might go wrong?

listening to all this just make you feel less confident, I mean technically you were practicing with a tea cup to shrink, so shrinking only a part of it wouldn't be too bad of a side effect, but what if you used too much pressure and made the cup explode and you'd hurt Solomon in the process?!

You took a deep breath, which made Solomon stop talking as he looked at you questioningly

"Anything wrong? Already giving up? Is it toom much?" his light teasing was meant to make you relax, but all you could do was give a small, stiff smile, signalling for him to continue and he did, after messing up your hair with his hand giving you a huge grin, but he talked slower now giving you more glances to make sure you were still alright

"How about a small break? I'll make us some tea..." he stood up and made some tea...in a beaker over a Bunsen burner..this weirdo..

the tea didn't taste weird though, it was just normal tea, even though the preparation would have made Barbatos get a stroke

after the break he was back to full tutor mode and your concentration slipped with each new word, until your head falls down, your chin resting on your chest comfortably, you had fallen asleep right before him

Solomon notices instantly that you're asleep and starts laughing so loud that you wake up again, he is crying and gasping for breath at your flustered state and you hit for good measurement on the arm

"Am I that boring? Fine if you're tired you can rest on my bed. I'll read you a bedtime spell book..." he doesn't stop laughing and teases you endlessly, you better be on your toes around him, you won't be hearing the end of this

"Hey sleepyhead? Do you want me to read you into boredom? I won't take pictures of your sleeping and drooling self...No promises made though..."

Simeon:

He was staring blankly at his manuscript, writers block had been plaguing him for quite some while now, but the new chapter had to be sent to the company until next week

you had offered to help him out maybe you could give him some ideas, so he invited you over and let you read the latest chapter so you'd know what had happened

you sat in his room brainstorming ideas on a small extra sheet trying your best to help Simeon out who looked quite lost

"Do you think that would work? Doesn't if feel a bit too rushed? But maybe if we combined these two ideas together..." he seemed to had found something and began to roughly write up a plan for his further writings

he continuously asked you questions about the smallest details, it was kind of cute that he relied so much on you, he probably could have done the rest himself as well, yet he kept involving you into the whole process

while his one hand scribbled like a madman, his other rested on your arm occasionally lightly squeezing it, reminding you that he didn't forget about you

you slowly fell asleep, the sounds of each others breathing, the pen scratching over paper and the ticking of the clock hanging on the wall, the inly sounds to be heard

"What about this part? How do you think it could go from here?...Mc?" he wasted no time in making sure you were lying comfortably, putting his cloak over your form and still squeezing your arm from time to time while he continued to write late into the night

only then did he notice, the brothers might worry about your absence, should he wake and bring you home? or should he let you sleep here and inform Lucifer about your safety? but the sofa you were currently sitting on, would make your back hurt if you continued to sleep here

it took him some time debating with himself, but came to the conclusion to carry you to his bed and tuck you in, giving you a forehead kiss like he was used to with Luke, only to realise what he'd done and quickly scrambling away in embarrassment to give Lucifer a quick call about the situation

"Have sweet dreams my lamb! I'll be guarding you in any realm, even the dream realm!"

Luke:

Luke, Simeon and you were having a small movie evening, watching some old Disney movies

Simeon didn't allow you to watch something else to protect Luke, but you didn't mind too much

you were having some freshly made desserts by Luke who had worked on them the whole day, as he was very excited for your meetup

you watched a few movies, talking, laughing and joking together, just having fun

"Huh? They called the mean cat Lucifer? Hahah how fitting, he kind of even looks like the real Lucifer! Ah, don't tell him that though!" Luke really liked to compare the different characters to the people he knows, but when there actually were a cat called Lucifer he was quite surprised...who would want their cute pet to be called like a demon? Why not call them angel names? Michael is a pretty cool name...

over the time you became more and more tired and Simeon seemed to notice, suggesting on stopping for today and continuing another time, but Luke convinced you two of one more movie

unfortunately you didn't last the final movie and fell asleep cuddled underneath the blanket between Simeon and Luke

Luke took some time to notice, only seeing it when he turned to you wanting to tell you his opinion about the last scene

"Oh! Simeon... Mc fell asleep..." Simeon already knew, as you had fallen onto his shoulder, not that he minded, he just told Luke to stay quiet and watch the rest of the movie

Luke cuddled up to you to keep you warm and occasionally glanced at you to make sure you were okay, and there cuddled next to you he as well fell asleep...trapping Simeon underneath your combined weight, making it impossible for Simeon to get out of the bed, so you three just slept together that night

"Don't worry Mc! I'll keep all demons away from you while you sleep!"

#obey me headcanons #obey me #swd obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me beelzebub #obey me simeon #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me luke #obey me solomon #obey me shall we date #headcanon

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someonewhowannadielol · 4 years

Text

My name is JK (Alien!Jungkook! x Human!Reader)

PART TWO (SEQUEL TO ‘MY NAME IS 01001010 01001011′)

CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE

LINK TO MASTERLIST

Warning: Tooth-rotting fluff, Jungkook being a cutie, ok the real warning tags are Daddy kink, birthday sex, innocent reader being trained (???), lots of hicks and marking, cunt slapping, oral sex, uhh and jk being a competitive baby.

Genre: Fluff, Smut, if you squint and look closely, a little bit of humour.

Word Count: 5.6k

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

It had been a week since Jungkook had, ahem, dicked you down. And it has been the best week of your life so far – he showed you things you had never seen before, the most beautiful scenes that your eyes feasted upon. You both had gone to the Neon Valley, it was a vast blue-purple lake that lit up at night due to the minerals on the sand bed below, and the lilies residing there would dance every night.

They fluttered, swung and swayed – and simultaneously, Jungkook and you too, had danced – he took you in his arms and as you both slow danced to the humming of the diva-crackers, you couldn’t help but look at his gorgeous face, adorned with a smile that you’d never replace for anything in this universe. You could feel yourself falling for him, he twirled you with ease, and as you stumbled back into his arms, he lost his balance trying to save you from falling and splash!

You both had ended up in the hot water, and despite the current situation, you both had burst into boisterous laughter which echoed across the plain field around. In the shining moonlight, Jungkook’s face was more lit up than the neon water they were in, his long hair sprawled across his forehead, as he pushed it back with his left hand, while holding your waist with his right arm.

Jungkook looked at you with such intensity, you didn’t really know how to react. both of you knew you wanted more than just cuddles on your couch that was too small for Jungkook, more than grocery shop romances, and trekking on the artificial mountain, and more than watching movies together,, more than cuddling under the tree at the main park, more than making fun of each other, you wanted each other so much more badly.

“Kiss me,” Jungkook whispered, his face getting dangerously close.

“I’m scared,” Of course you were, but you didn’t move away from me.

“Of what?” Jungkook’s eyebrows bunched up like they always do when he’s confused.

“Of falling. Of drowning,” you answered as you looked into his eyes, how could someone not fall for him?

“Well, I’m already drowning, so don’t be scared, silly,” Jungkook’s eyes formed from his usual doe eyes to half-moon crescents and, you were no longer afraid to fall.

Because he was there, he will always be there, right beside you.

Fuck. You couldn’t help but curse as you saw the red spot on your lavender sheets, they were my favorite sheets. You had really bad mood swings when you were on your period, and you were basically uncontrollable. You saw Jungkook’s figure on the left side of the bed, sleeping peacefully, his chest heaving up and down as he breathes consistently.

“Baby,” you whined, as you almost pushed him off the bed. There was no way that you were going to the pharmacy to get the goods, so he was your only choice possible.

He stumbled as he got up, sleep still swimming in his eyes, as his hands went up to rub them, trying to get rid of the slumber that had taken over him.

“Yes, princess?” he asked in his hoarse voice – which turned you on (especially a lot now, since your uterus was sad, lonely and angry). His eyes travelled to the blood on the sheets, and it would be an understatement to say that he had a heart attack.

He immediately engulfed you in his arms, “Are you hurt anywhere?” he said, unable to breathe, because fuck, if anything ever happened to you, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

The worry in his eyes was making you feel guilty; did he even know what was happening?

“Jungkook, chill,” you laughed a little before directing him to the side of the bed, telling him to sit.

“Humans – well, only females – have to go through a period of time where they bleed. From down there,” you explain, and watch him go into a slight state of shock.

The poor baby just woke up 2 minutes ago, so this was probably hard to digest.

“You… you’re bleeding… and you don’t go to the hospital?”

“Does it hurt?” he asks in the timidest voice ever, careful not to offend you. He remembers once he asked you about body hair and since it was your biggest insecurity (cue Middle School flashbacks when you were the only girl with a slight unibrow and mustache), you couldn’t help but lash out on him.

“Yeah, it hurts a lot in my tummy,” you said on your way to the bathroom, “I need my supplies though, could you get them for me?”

Half an hour later, Jungkook returned with five bags of chocolates, chips and snacks – enough to feed a small village. The entire week, he kept studying you (you swear you saw him looking at you and writing notes in his small notebook, like a detective. Sigh) and your mood swings and tendency to eat the weirdest food combinations – he couldn’t help but gag when he saw you dip a whole cucumber in peanut butter.

“Kookie, cuddle with me,” during the day you would make grabby hands at him, and get him to massage your back, but at night you’d be the complete opposite – wanting to sleep as far away from him as possible. He also noted that you were more sensitive to jokes during the week, so he kept them at a minimum, and his praises at a maximum.

“Baby, you know, you look so cute in my arms,” he cooed, as he kissed your cheek while cuddling. He didn’t miss the blush that crept on your cheeks either.

Also, despite all the bleeding, you were ready to jump his bones anytime. He hasn’t had this much sex with anyone in one week. Not that he minded it.

You were more than ecstatic when you saw your favourite-est food in the world stocked in the human section of the grocery store. Spicy Hot Korean Ramen! You still remember when eating this used to be a challenge, back on Earth.

As you stacked the basket with half the stock, Jungkook couldn’t help but look at the ingredients – what was it that made you love them so much?

He was well, more than shocked to see all the different kinds of spices that humans could barely tolerate, chili flakes, red pepper oil, habanero flavored seasoning… he couldn’t let you eat this!

“Baby, this is too spicy for you, maybe we should buy this,” he pointed to the boring chicken and cheese flavored ramen. No! You were going to buy the spicy one and that’s finalized. Of course, Jungkook looked at you, and couldn’t argue. He doesn’t think he could argue with you even if he tried to.

Back at the apartment, Jungkook bit his tongue, trying not to say “I told you so,” as you fought your tears while eating the horrendous noodles. You were positive you could never feel your numb tongue as you chugged down the glass of strawberry milk that Jungkook handed you.

As expected, Jungkook was prepared for the stomach ache you experienced throughout the night, and gave you medicine to recover.

Before sleeping, you heard him sigh before saying, “I told you so,”

Jungkook had noticed you a lot, ever since you moved in with him. You didn’t have much belongings anyways, because you were only allowed to carry 100 pounds of baggage on the space craft, so you only carried the essentials. (Yes, you brought an oven. Yes, it was 77 pounds heavy. No regrets.)

While getting accustomed to his cozy, but huge apartment, you couldn’t help but trip over furniture. At first, it was his coffee table in the kitchen, next to the refrigerator. Every time you would get something to eat, your pinky would hit the leg of the table, causing you to splutter nonsense and then cry about it.

His bed was also higher than you expected it to be, so every day, for an entire month, after waking up you would underestimate the height – and always, always fall down from it.

He was extremely shocked by your ability to ignore pain, and to continue suffering every day because of the same cause at the same place. It’s okay, because now he’d hold you as you stepped out of the bed, and moved the coffee table to the other side of the kitchen.

He also noticed that humans don’t always have a thought out sleep schedule, they did as they pleased. Last night, you were pretty much half asleep at 4 AM, as you tried to finish the last episode of the new Netflix series.

“You were so sleepy, yet you continued to watch it without even understanding what’s happening?” he asked as soon as you woke up, to which you shrugged.

Again, next week, you forced yourself to get up at 5AM in the morning, so you could go for a jog. After all, you were thinking of getting more fit, all you did was lay on the couch. But as you headed in the bathroom for a shower after the run, he couldn’t help but think that humans are weird.

The first time Jungkook heard you crunch your bones, he was so scared, you almost though he would faint. He threw his game controller on the floor, as he ran towards you – thinking you had dislocated a limb, or something.

“Kookie, I was j-just stretching,” you could barely make out the words, trying to hold in your laughter as he tried to make sure you were okay.

With a sigh, he ran his hand through his fluffy – much longer – hair now, as he headed back to continue his game, “Baby, you’re so weird,”

“But you still love me?” you asked as you joined him on the couch, laying your head on his lap.

“I will always love you. Even if your bones crack,”

Bonus: When you got up at night for a midnight snack, you were surprised to see that Kookie wasn’t in bed with you. You later found him in his office, studying about how a human’s joint makes loud popping or cracking sounds because of the gas gathered there. He was finally content to ensure that you were safe.

Of course, you smothered him in hugs and kisses, because he always looked out for you. Always.

After a few weeks of being in Corellia, you had started to well… miss Earth. It was natural to do so; you’d lived your entire life there.

“I miss the sunsets, they were so pretty,” you spoke as you showed him a polaroid of you and your sister with the sunset behind you both. You pointed towards the one sun you had, and the purple, pink and orange hues of the clouds.

In an attempt to make you happy, Jungkook gave you a chocolate, they always made you happier, and he’d read somewhere something about chemicals in it making humans happier. But he was surprised to see you dancing (terribly) to a pop song, that seemed a little annoying, but he could deal with it.

The song had seemed to lighten your mood a lot, as you danced along with him happily, and as you looked at him, you felt happier. His long, wavy hair bounced as he danced with you. His eyes were smiling, and it was so pure that you laughed along. You were happy finally.

Until two weeks later, when you came across a photo of you and your high school class, trekking up a mountain on your senior trip to the north. Jungkook saw you sad again, missing Earth and your loved ones. Some were dead, some didn’t make it here, and some lived on the hotter side of the planet.

He put up the same pop song again, and cuddled with you on the couch. For the first time ever, you really felt grateful to God for something. You felt grateful that you were alive, and that you had Jungkook along with you. He looked how he looked every day, wearing a casual white t-shirt and grey baggy sweatpants. You adjusted yourself on his lap, and looked at him, and looked into his brown eyes. As you traced his face with your finger, he laughed, “Princess, do you feel better?”

You smile at the word of endearment, kissing his cheek, “You make me realize the difference between a house and a home. A house is a place, made with bricks and concrete, and materialistic items. But a home, is so much different. A home is where you feel belonged, a home is a place where you get that feeling of love. You make me finally realize how Earth was more of a house for me, but here, in your arms, I finally feel like I’m at home,”

You never thought Jungkook would be an overprotective boyfriend. Or a way too over protective boyfriend. During sex, he would go crazy on your body – sometimes treat you like a china doll, fragile and easily breakable, and sometimes it would be rough and harsh, not that you minded it.

His apartment was well, more suited for Jubal people because the ceilings, the bed, and of course, the kitchen cabinets were all bigger in height and size in comparison to your apartments back on Earth. Often, without thinking Jungkook would put food on the top most cabinets, and you often either felt too embarrassed, or too stubborn to ask for his help.

Which resulted in you – dangerously – climbing on the shelf to grab your precious food. This was a routine now, so you didn’t exactly pay attention to your limbs – just letting your muscle memory do the work for you. Right foot on the counter, and then you push your left knee as well, until you’ve made yourself stable on the counter top. Then, you stand up, holding the cabinet handle. Today was the same, but Jungkook had recently scrubbed clean the shelves, so they were more slippery than usual, and there was a fleeting moment when you thought you were about to fall (which would, by the way, give you the nastiest head injury), and before you realized it, Jungkook had looped his arm around your waist.

You were still shocked – chips in hand – when he settled you on his lap, almost like a child.

“Princess, what were you thinking?” he says as he lets you turn around, so you straddling his lap.

“I just wanted some chips, Kook,” you say with an amused grin. He was obviously distressed, as he sighed while running his hands through his hair, like he would when he was frustrated.

“Baby, you have to tell me if you need something from there, okay? What if you had hurt yourself?” his voice seemed to get louder with every words, and just like that, your amused grin was replaced with a pout, as you lowered your head.

You didn’t mean to make him angry like that.

Looking at you, he knew he couldn’t ever stay mad at you. It was physically impossible for him. He hugged you, and your head rested on his cheat, feeling his fast heartbeat morphed into a more, stable and steady beat, “I’m just always worried for you. Even if everything is wrong, it’s alright, you’re the only good thing in my life,”

It had been ages since you had gone to a festival, and there was going to be a carnival-like festival in Corellia soon. You didn’t think Jungkook would be that interested, so you were quite surprised to see him… so excited about it.

“It comes twice in a year, you have to come! I’ve heard they’ve made it more human themed this year, so you feel welcomed, but we’ll have our traditional rides too!” he spoke with a gleam in his eyes, as you both got ready.

Jungkook of course, made sure you were wearing at least five layers of clothes, two pairs of gloved, and three pairs of socks. It was night time, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of you looking like a walking marshmallow.

“Baby, you look so cute!” he exclaimed, holding your hand. The dead town looked really alive tonight, as the red, yellow, purple and other multicolored lights lit the place up, to make it feel even more alive. You were really shocked at the amount of people present, but that’s what made it even more fun.

The first thing had to be food, you got two plates of fries, because, well, is it even possible or human to share food? And that too, fries? No way.

Jungkook had recently discovered ketchup, and now he would dip everything in it before eating. Ramen, dipped in ketchup. Chips, dipped in ketchup. Bread, dipped in ketchup. And now, you saw him cover every single chip in ketchup before eating it. While you thought this was disgusting, you were still amused by his new found love for it.

You both scared a giant cup of strawberry milkshake, that looked like it was out of a romcom, cotton candy pink color, with whipped cream on top. And naturally, the cherry. Your noses touched, as you both drank at the same time, and you couldn’t help but want to live in the moment forever.

You both had spent the night, either enjoying rides that were too scary, and hazardous to experience but at the same time too fun to miss out on, or competition with each other to the next level. You knew Jungkook had always been a competitive little shit, whether it was about who would cook better and faster, or about who loved the other one more, he was always in a competition. This was no exception either, as you both we immersed in a car racing game, where you were well, obviously losing.

You had never really been the best at arcade games, and this car games was extremely frustrating, because the goddamn seat was too big and your legs could barely reach the pedals on the bottom while holding onto the steering wheel simultaneously. He laughed as you struggled to multitask, and at one point you didn’t realise you were going the wrong way until you heard Jungkook laughing so hard, he was struggling to breath. Three tries later, Jungkook had had his fair share of victories as he put you in his lap, and told you to focus on the steering only. He’d handle the pedals part. Together, you guys had broken the fastest record of the day and of course, he had to congratulate you. And the congratulations came in a form of a heated kiss – which wasn’t liked by the Jubals waiting in line to play the game.

Later, you both had way too much fun beating others in basketball as you paired up, and beat a Jubal power couple. Then came the bumper cars. The same Jubal power couple had hit your and Jungkook’s car so hard that you almost flew across the set-up, if it wasn’t for the seatbelt, and Jungkook’s arm around the waist. It was safe to say that Kook took his revenge by hitting their car repeatedly, as he shoved them into a corner. You kissed your over protective boyfriend on the cheek, he was just so fricking cute.

You both ate more food than you could handle, and as you were walking, Jungkook bought a donut and tried to feed you.

“No! No, Kook, I swear!” you tried to get away from him, but he held your waist as he pushed the donut in your mouth, smearing it over your cheek in the process.

“Kook!” you exclaimed, as he kissed you, and licked away any leftover icing.

You couldn’t help but blush when he smirked, “Sweet.”

At the end of it all, you pushed Kook into a small photo booth that sat on the other end of the carnival.

“Please? Come on!” you tried to show him your puppy eyes, and turned your lips into a pout.

“But baby, I don’t look good in photos!” he whined as you inserted the money to take a four portrait photo.

“Please? Just this once? For me?” you pouted again, and pushed him in with you, and you tried to drag his arms.

“You can’t give me the puppy dog face! You know I can’t say no to that!” he whined, adjusting you in his lap.

“Just pose, Kookie,” you said as you closed the red curtain on the side. In the first one, your arms were around his neck as you laughed and looked in the camera, and he looked at you, pouting. The second one, you both looked at each other and smiled, his hands in your hair. The third had been him grabbing your face, squishing you cheeks and bringing you closer (but because of the movement – it was also blurred, at which you were disappointed, but Kook assured you it looked good), and lastly, in the fourth one, you were kissing passionately, while Jungkook smiled in the kiss.

You both climb the small hill, where people are buying and lighting their lanterns in an orderly manner. You both buy one, and you end up writing “JK X Y/N” on it with red paint, and before Jungkook lights it, he adds a red heart, and “4EVER,” underneath which looks so cheesy, that it makes you laugh.

He looks at you, and kisses your forehead. Around 10:30, everyone lets go of their lanterns, and you both also let go of yours, letting it fly in the sky, as Jungkook cups your cheeks and pushes your hair back, before kissing you, sweet and slow.

The night had come to an end as all the Jubals were leaving too. You didn’t know exactly what time it was, but it was definitely i-can’t-walk-o’ clock, as Jungkook gave you a piggy back ride without any questions when he saw you stumbled into others. In one hand you held the teddy bear he had won from the water gun thingy, and in the other you held a cotton candy like sweet – but it wasn’t exactly cotton candy. It was blue and purple, and shined because of the crystallized sugar on it.

The last thing you remember was resting your face where his shoulder and neck met and mumbling, “This was the best day of my life,”

If someone had told you that you’d have a cook off with an alien in two months’ time, you would’ve laughed in their face. But. Here you were. Trying to cook the best alfredo pasta he would ever taste in his life.

You tried to glance on his cooking station multiple times, only to be pushed back, “Baby! It’s supposed to be a surprise!”

Jungkook really seemed to be absorbed in the cooking process, and you were starting to feel deprived of his love and adoration that he would usually shower at you when he was not working in his office.

30 minutes later, he brought you his favourite dish, the one that his mother used to cook for him when he was younger. It was orange red-ish coloured deep fried small cutlets, that smelled… amazing. You couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it tasted like, it was salty, but in a different way. And so, so, yummy. You were a little insecure when Jungkook took a bite of your pasta, and showed no emotion.

Oh no, you had tasted it and it felt pretty normal, juts how you’d make it on Earth. Was he allergic to something in it?

“Baby, what did you put in this?” he asked, but he didn’t seem to stop eating it. He didn’t speak anything until, well, he finished the dish.

“Can you make that for me every day?”

It had been over six months, since you and Jungkook had been seeing each other. Naturally, as a couple you both did fight – mostly over stupid stuff, like which restaurant to go to, or disagreements on what to buy etc. But you both would always sort it out, no matter what it was, he was always by your side.

It was his birthday, and Jubals never really celebrated their birthday – “Why would you celebrate this? I’m just one more year near death,” he said as you told him about ‘Earth Traditions’.

Albeit to whatever he said, you made yourself busy when he went out to meet the gang. You’d met them a couple of times before, being much closer to Taehyung because he never really questioned whatever you did, and just went along with it. You had enjoyed Jimin and Jin’s company as well (mostly because they cooked for you, not gonna lie).

As you hung up the balloons that said, “Happy Birthday!” individually, you had started to well, decorate yourself as well.

You knew how Jungkook always looked at you as if you were the most pure creature in this universe, his innocent little baby, so you decided to dress the part. Dressed in white panties, with a small bow on them, you adjusted your pink tinted, bra that came along with it. It left little to the imagination, as it was see-through, but there were small bows on each nipple, making you look like a present. You’d never really been the one to dress up in stockings as well, but here you were, tweaking your garter, as the pink shaded white see-through material latched on your legs as a second skin. Now, you waited patiently.

He finally came, around half past seven, and looked better than ever. You’d worn your silk robe that you would usually wear around, so he wouldn’t suspect anything. He looked so happy, his eyes crunched up into its usual crescent shape as he laughed while blowing the candles and eating your home-made cake. He had always loved your baking, so when you made his favourite Oreo cake, he was really, really happy. You’d made him a teddy bear – you were bad at sewing, but hey! A for effort.

“Kook, there’s a present in your bedroom too,” you said as you took his left hand and guided him in the bedroom. You had given him several gifts already, so why were you giving him another one?

“Baby, you didn’t have t-“ he stopped as soon as you dropped your robe in front of him, letting him take in the sight of you, clad in your lingerie that he had only imagined in his wildest fantasies.

The light hearted aura around him seemed to vanish, as a darker shade took over his eyes. Without speaking anything, he carried you bridal style, to the bed and laid you down softly on it.

“Gonna let me taint you, angel?” he asked, and at the sight of him, you couldn’t help but moan and nod.

“Use your words, baby,” he said as he let his fingers roam on your figure, and lit a fire in your core, making you overwhelmed.

“Yes, Daddy, please make love to me,” you whine, but he tsks on your choice of words.

“Angel, my princess,” he says as he leaves a trail of wet kisses from your neck to you collarbone, sucking on it, “I’m not going to love to you today, I’m going to fuck you, baby”

You gasp as he circles around the bow on your nipple, before ripping the thin material completely, letting the cool air hit your vulnerable skin.

As Jungkook just keeps looking at you, his long hair shadowing in front of his eyes, you can’t help but feel needy, “Daddy, please, touch me,” you whine, trying to get ahold of his hand.

He gently brings his mouth down, sucking on the little tip of your nipple, as his tongue works magic around it, and you’re already starting to get wet.

“It’s u-unfair that you’re all d-dressed up,” you moan, as you try to take off his white t-shirt. He chuckles as he takes off his shirt, letting you look at his god-like body. You were speechless when you first saw him, and you still are every time you both have sex.

His lean body, is just perfect in every way, and the way the moonlight hits his face, giving his face the shadows that come along with the highlights, you were dumbstruck at how breathtaking he was.

While Jungkook loved to mark you, mark your body, make you his, today was harsher, much more aggressive as he bit your chest, making you cry out in pleasure. He painted your body in hues of purple and bright pink, using his tongue to make each bruise feel better. As soon as he reached the hem of your underwear, he stopped, and that resulting in a whine from you.

“It’s my birthday, and you said I deserve anything on this day. So, princess,” he said, unbuckling his belt, and you swallow hard before he lets his cock free, ”let me fuck those beautiful tits,”

He pushes himself into your mouth without any warning, letting you groan and whimper as you produce enough saliva to make him sopping wet, “Good baby,” he whispers as he lets his dick between your tits.

You smiled, as you held your breasts together, and he slides his hardening member between them, “fuck baby, you’re so soft, so pretty for Daddy,” he murmurs obscene praises as you whimper in pleasure from the friction between your breasts.

He places his cock between them, and first experiments with his movements, and as time passes, he becomes faster, and messier. You both didn’t mind the mess, as his pre-cum lands on your chest, collarbone and nipples, and you can only whine in pleasure while letting him use your body.

His movements go from steady and fast to uncoordinated and stuttering, as he pulls out and pants, letting him catch his breath.

“Fuck, baby, they felt like heaven, but there’s something else, way better,” he grins as pulls himself down on your body, and looks as you underwear, directly. It makes you whimper, when you feel his hot breath through the thin material. He laps his tongue on it, and it feels so good, but not good enough, and you wish he would just take it off.

“Daddy, please, take it off,” you whine and he pulls your legs further apart and digs his face between them.

He smirks and looks at you, already fucked out as a blush stays on your cheeks. Angelic.

“Keep the stockings on, okay, sweetheart?” he says as his finger traced down your leg, as you shiver under his touch.

He comes up to you and cups your face, pressing a kiss against your cheek – and it felt so chaste in comparison to what you both had just done.

And before you could realize, he slips his fingers under the hem of your panties, and shreds them into pieces.

“What do you want from Daddy?” he stops in front of your clit, spreading your lips, waiting for your answer. He knew you were shy, too shy to speak vulgar words, but you were just so needy right now.

“Daddy, I need your tongue,” you speak, and let his tongue sit flat on your bud, it gave enough stimulation, but at the same time not enough, and you just needed more. You couldn’t help but buckle your hips into his face, and that resulted in his getting up and looking at you, making eye contact.

“You’re being ungrateful now, huh?” he says as he smacks the bud hard, where seconds ago he let his tongue rest. It’s painful, but at the same time, it just feels so, so good. He smacks it two more times before letting his teeth sink in your inner thigh, as you let lewd noises escape your mouth, as he further marks your thighs, and you knew, for sure that they would last a long time.

After a lifetime of teasing, he lets his tongue slurp the cum that escaped your pussy, as he went to town on it, eating you out as if he’s been starving for years. You let your moans escape as he slips his tongue inside you, and lets his nose rub against your clit. You were so close, just about to fall off the edge as he pulls himself away, and you whimper, grabbing the sheets as if your life depended on them.

“Your cunt is always, always so pretty and tasty for Daddy,” he smacks between your thighs again, making you gasp, “always ready for Daddy,”

His ruffled, brown hair shines in the dark of the room, the moonlight being the only source of light, illuminating his face.

He lets his dick enter you, gently, until you reach your limit and instead of waiting like he always does, he rams back into you again, letting you adjust with his steady movements, as you grab his hand and hold it. He always holds your hand when he’s being rough, to let you know that he can stop anytime. (but u is a hoe)

He slides out until only his tip is inside you, and lets himself into you all at once, fast and reckless. Wild. It isn’t long before your walls clench around him, “Daddy, I-I’m so close,” you say as your rub you clit, slowly with a continual movement.

You orgasm starts first, hot and sticky liquid, dripping down you thigh, staining your perfect stockings, and soon Jungkook follows, as his head buries in your neck, and he groans before letting himself loose.

“Happy Birthday, Kookie,” you whisper before letting him take you to the tub, where you both well, fuck again.

LINK TO MASTERLIST

A/N: It’s always so fun to write alien!jk, and I hoped you guys liked it. Also, a huge thank you to @bisoo-ausucre for supporting me so much!

Could you please help me decide what to write first? Frat boy!jk OR titanic!au with Jimin as Jack?

As always, requests are open, and so is my inbox. See you next time!

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #Jungkook bts #bts smut #bts scenarios #bts imagine #bts scenario #bts reaction #bts reader insert #bts preference #Jungkook scenario #Jungkook imagine #Jungkook smut #Jungkook x reader #Jungkook fluff

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hurricanery · 4 years

Text

a million ways

A/N: So I know I was supposed to be posting the first part of a multi-chapter AU with amelink as interns next, but I got distracted with this idea from another prompt I saw. I also want to have more chapters planned out before I start posting that AU one! So here’s something else for now- feedback and prompts always welcome! Thanks so much for all the support it truly means a lot :)

_______

There are a million different ways to tell someone you love them without actually saying the three words ‘i love you.’

Amelia and Link utilize several of these alternative ways before they realize what their words and actions actually mean.

_______

1) “Text me when you get home okay”

Amelia laughs in disbelief as she checks her phone. A voicemail from Meredith lets her know that her ride home from the airport has just fallen through. And of course Meredith would tell her this last minute.

This small inconvenience would normally bother her a lot more, but for some reason, her mood had significantly improved over the weekend. She’d even been sat next to an overly-chatty passenger on her flight home from San Diego, and usually that would put her over the edge, too. But, something about her weekend at the conference had undoubtedly affected her outlook.

Maybe it was the fact that she’d run into a particular coworker at said conference. Maybe she’d been impressed by his knowledge of alternative pain relief methods. Maybe it was the fact that they’d flirted all weekend.

Or maybe it was the rebound sex.

Yeah, that was definitely it, Amelia thinks to herself as she walks through the Seattle airport, a smile subconsciously adorning her face.

She makes her way outside of the airport, rolling her luggage behind her, and pulls her phone out of her pocket to attempt getting a cab.

“Dr. Shepherd?” An inquisitive voice gets her attention and her head snaps up to meet it.

Link is standing right in front of her. Equally inquisitive blue eyes match the tone of his voice. Amelia only falters for a moment before her brain seems to catch up to her.

“We slept together less than 24 hours ago and you’re referring to me as ‘Dr. Shepherd’...?” she mutters quietly, smirking at him.

He laughs sheepishly in response, rubbing at the back of his neck and nodding his head in agreement. “Amelia…” he continues, matching her smirk. “Were we....on the same flight home?”

“It seems that way.”

“Well,” he smiles, “I just got a cab, you want to share?”

Amelia nods quickly. “Actually yeah, Mer was supposed to pick me up, but she cancelled.” She looks up at him, and for some reason the eye contact is making her heart flutter. She tries to suppress it. “So, yeah. That’d be great.”

Link stores their luggage in the trunk of the cab and they both settle into the backseat. His apartment is slightly further out of the way, so Meredith’s house is the first stop for drop off.

Amelia tries to restrain a huge smile as Link gets out of the car and lifts her luggage out for her. “Thank you,” she murmurs as he sets it down in front of her on the driveway.

Link just smiles in response. He moves to get back into the cab and some sort of feeling dawns on Amelia. Somewhere between concern and care.

Link almost shuts the car door before Amelia quickly steps forward.

“Link, wait!”

He pauses, hand on the door handle, and looks up at her incredulously.

“Uh,” she pauses. Racking her brain for reasons she’d just stopped him. The sudden anxiousness over Link’s journey home doesn’t make sense to her at all.

Link’s eyebrows furrow in question as he watches Amelia try to make sense of what she’s feeling.

“Just….text me when you get home okay.” Amelia has no idea why she says this or where the sentiment is even coming from.

A smile grows wide across Link’s face at her words. He chuckles.

“What?” she laughs, blushing. Not at all understanding her own words or actions. “Just let me know you got home, alright?”

“Okay, Amelia. Will do.”

“Okay.”

Link shakes his head slowly in amusement as he closes the door and Amelia watches as the cab pulls away down Meredith’s street.

_______

2) “It reminded me of you”

They start seeing each other a lot more often. They work cases together. They have surgeries together. They even fly out to New York together for a particularly ground-breaking case. And all the while, their friends-with-benefits situation progresses.

Link even manages to meet some of her family. In a twisted scenario that includes Amelia attempting to make her family believe she’s still married to Owen, Link ends up witnessing some pretty personal details of Amelia’s life.

But Amelia remains convinced that the relationship between them is very surface-level.

Amelia is in a particularly good mood on this Monday morning. As she walks into the hospital, she notices the new coffee shop across the street is having it’s grand opening. And she decides to treat herself.

She places an order for a latte and while she waits for her drink to be made, she browses the cafe and all it has to offer. She’s particularly captivated by the variety of donuts displayed behind the glass-encased shelving behind the counter.

Amelia doesn’t know why she does it, she’s not even that hungry, but the idea of a box of donuts excites her. And the next thing she knows, she’s asking the woman behind the counter to add a dozen donuts to her order.

When she walks into the attendings lounge a few minutes later, she’s immediately relieved to see Link.

“Hey,” she grins. “Happy Monday.”

“Hey,” he smiles back, equally happy to see her.

She lifts the box of donuts into his view “Want one?”

“You got donuts?!”

Amelia bites her lip, laughing at his ability to get so excited over food.

“Yeah,” she responds. “The coffee shop across the street just opened. I just went in for a latte but then I saw these and-,”

She opens the lid to reveal a dozen glazed donuts.

“It reminded me of you,” she murmurs, surprised by her own words. She instantly attempts to downplay what she had just admitted. “So anyway, here’s to a sugar high to start your Monday off right.”

If any sort of reaction appears across Link’s face, it’s only for a moment.

He reaches in and grabs a donut, finishing it off in two bites, much to Amelia’s amusement. She eats one too, trying to suppress her laughter as Link impressively goes in for a second one.

_______

3) “Put your seatbelt on”

It’s the first snowfall of winter in Seattle and Amelia and Link both happen to be working the night shift. It’s around 5am when Link wraps up his last surgery and goes to find Amelia in the on-call room.

She’s dozing off in the dark room when he enters.

“Hey,” he mutters, approaching the bed. He shakes her shoulder gently. “You want a ride home?”

Amelia sits up slowly. “Mhm,” she mumbles.

When they get out to the parking lot, there’s so much snow they almost can’t find Link’s car. It’s still dark outside, the sun not yet rising, and they walk carefully through the lot until they see it.

Link opens the passenger side door for Amelia to get in and warm up while he shovels the snow off the car. When he finishes up and climbs into the driver’s side, he turns to Amelia and notices she’s dozed off again. He smiles to himself as he begins to drive.

The roads are slick and Link drives slowly down the main road. He curses to himself over the traffic, the road too busy for 5am.

Out of nowhere, the car drives over an unseen patch of ice, and Link loses control of the steering wheel. The car slides into the other lane quickly, and Link subconsciously reaches a protective hand out toward Amelia as he slams on the brakes. He gains control of the car again but slows down immensely.

The force of the moment causes Amelia to rouse from sleep. She sits up slightly, and that’s when Link notices.

Anger flashes through him hot and fast.

“Amelia!” he practically shouts, panicked by another slippery part of the road. “Amelia, put your seatbelt on!”

Amelia takes a moment to adjust to being awake, realizing her surroundings. “Shit,” she mumbles, “Okay…” She slowly pulls the seatbelt across her chest, clicking it into place and then staring ahead of her at the dangerous road ahead.

The car swerves unwillingly once more and Amelia grips her seat. She turns to Link, who has now gone red in the face out of anger and panic. “Dammit,” he mutters.

Silence falls between them as Link concentrates completely on the road. They are only about a mile from Meredith’s house, but at this rate, it was going to take them twenty minutes to get there.

Link sighs heavily, pulling Amelia’s attention once more. “What were you thinking?!” he mutters angrily. “Why wasn’t your seatbelt on?”

She blinks, pausing. “I...I’m sorry. I was asleep before you started driving. I didn’t even realize-”

“You should have had it on!” He cuts her off, voice raised again.

Amelia looks at him in disbelief. Completely taken aback by his reaction.

“Link, I-”

“Forget it, I’m sorry,” he mutters, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“It’s on now,” Amelia whispers assuringly, gesturing toward the seatbelt and staring back ahead at the road.

“It’s on now,” Link repeats, more to himself.

Amelia looks at him, noticing his features begin to relax a bit.

“It’s on now,” he says again. “You’re okay.”

_______

4) “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you”

When Amelia finishes up a consult in the pit, she notices Link standing near the nurse’s station. She tries not to think about the instant smile that spreads across her face at the sight of him.

“Hi!” she approaches him.

“Well, hi,” he greets her. “How’s your day?”

“Good,” she grins, “uneventful….I was going to grab lunch in a bit. Want to join me?”

“Uhm,” he pauses, a weird look on his face. “I can’t today. I’ve got a thing.”

Amelia frowns at his sudden indifference.

“Rain check?” he offers, trying to seem upbeat.

“Sure,” she mumbles.

“Alright,” Link exclaims, setting down his tablet at the nurse’s station. “I’ve gotta go, I’ll see you later?”

Amelia frowns, watching Link turn away from her and toward the hallway.

“Wait, Link!” she calls after him, following him. “Your ‘thing’ is now?”

He stops in the empty hallway outside of the ER. “Yeah and I should really get going, I’m going to be late.” He smiles reassuringly. But it doesn’t work on Amelia.

“Wait, stop. What’s this thing?”

Link sighs, pausing again. “It’s just an appointment.”

“An appointment?” Amelia frowns, concerned.

Link just stares at her for a moment, before he explains. “It’s just a scan, Amelia. I get them once a year.”

“A scan?” she repeats, trying to catch up with her own thoughts.

Link just smiles at her again, gripping her shoulders comfortingly. “Yes, Amelia. That’s what happens when you beat cancer as a kid….You still have to go back in to make sure everything’s….still good. It’s just a regular checkup. Come on, you know that.”

Amelia nods. Yes, she knows that. But, for some reason she’s currently filled with dread. She smiles through the feeling. “Okay, go. Go. Don’t be late. I’ll see you later!”

_______

Later that night, Amelia stays over at Link’s apartment. The appointment went well. Nothing to be concerned about. But for some reason, Amelia is wide awake. A nagging feeling fills her chest as she stares up at the ceiling, Link snoring softly next to her.

She rolls into his side, nuzzling her face into his neck until he stirs awake.

“Hm?” he mumbles sleepily. Waiting until his eyes adjust. When they do, piercing blue eyes are staring into his. “What time is it?”

Amelia glances at the clock behind him. “2:30.”

“Why are you awake?”

Silence.

“Link,” Amelia breathes, and her voice is laced with vulnerability. “Will you let me know ahead of time, the next time you have an appointment?”

Link just stares at her in question.

“Amelia,” he speaks slowly, “what’s going on.”

“I just-” Even Amelia can hear her own voice falter as she speaks. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

“Oh, Amelia,” Link gasps, pulling her into him and squeezing her against his chest. “Everything is fine. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know that for now.”

Silence falls between them again and Link starts to think Amelia has fallen asleep.

“Just tell me next time,” she whispers eventually.

Link rubs her back up and down comfortingly. “I will.”

_______

5) “I wanted to make sure you’re okay”

Link overhears it from an intern in the gallery. That ‘Dr. Shepherd had to leave in the middle of surgery,’ that she ‘almost threw up in the OR,’ that it was most likely ‘food poisoning.’

Link frowns as he listens to the interns gossip. He pulls his phone out to send a quick text to Amelia to check in.

He doesn’t hear back for an hour.

When an hour turns into two he decides to just drive over to Meredith’s when his shift ends.

When he gets there, Maggie answers the door. She lets him in and Link immediately makes his way to Amelia’s room. He knocks briefly before peeking his head in. Amelia rests back against the headboard, eyes opening as he makes his entrance.

“Hey,” she croaks, “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he states, taking in her appearance. Pale skin and dark circles under her eyes. She doesn’t look great. “You didn’t answer my text.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbles. “I have such a bad headache I can’t even look at my phone.”

Link frowns, sitting on the end of her bed, near her feet.

“You think you have the flu? Or food poisoning or something?”

“Yeah, or something,” she mutters, trying to keep her eyes open.

“Okay,” Link thinks, “Can I get you anything? I’ll go to the store, what do you need?”

“Um,” she pauses. “I can’t think of anything I need right now.”

“Okay, well I’ll just go see what I can find. And I’ll check with Maggie, too.”

Amelia just hums at him appreciatively.

_______

Link re-enters Amelia’s bedroom an hour later.

“Alright,” he exclaims cheerfully. “So I went to the pharmacy. I got you ginger ale and anti-nausea,” he starts pulling items out of the grocery bag. “Advil for your head,” he continues.

Amelia smiles up at him as he starts setting the items down on her bedside table.

“Oh!” he laughs as he pulls the last item out. “And tampons for Maggie.”

Amelia’s eyes widen briefly at the mention of tampons. Link stares back at her. “What? Did I forget something?”

“No, no,” Amelia quickly responds, but Link notices the brief panic she’d tried to hide. “Thanks for getting all of that.”

_______

6) “I brought you breakfast”

When Amelia tells Link she’s pregnant, it happens quickly. In a rush. A passing moment in the stairwell.

It’s a shock to both of them. But, Link’s immediate concern is Amelia. How she’s dealing with it. He can tell it’s not quite real to her yet, like she’s still processing it. And he wants to be as supportive to her as he can be.

So while Amelia does what she can to process, Link does what he can to help. No matter the outcome of the situation, and what Amelia decides, he wants to be there for her in the moment.

So he starts with breakfast.

“I brought you breakfast,” he greets her as he walks into the lab.

Amelia groans.

“You have surgery in an hour, Amelia. You need to eat something.”

“I can’t keep anything down.”

Link sighs. He reaches to rest his hand on her shoulder and she avoids the contact completely. He frowns at this. “Here,” he pushes forward. “Drink some water first. Then maybe a power bar in like 20 minutes?”

Amelia lets a small smile play at her lips as he passes her a water bottle.

A few hours later he brings her a snack. This time he finds her headed to the ER and he stops her, handing her a banana and another water bottle.

Amelia rolls her eyes. “Stop doing this.”

“Stop avoiding it.”

They stubbornly hold eye contact for a moment before she finally takes the snack from his hands. She gives him a smirk before she turns away from him, continuing toward the ER.

“Amelia!” he calls after her, “I’m ready to talk later if you are!”

_______

7) “A little bit in love” / “I think I’m in love with you”

It takes time before the sentiment is actually spoken out loud. And even so, it isn’t fully realized. When Amelia says it for the first time, she tells Link not to say it back.

There’s a lot that factors into Amelia’s decision about the pregnancy. She’s riddled with anxiety and self-doubt when she opens up to Link about Christopher. She isn’t expecting Link’s reaction. And she especially isn’t expecting his words.

He says things that make her feel less scared. And “a little bit in love.”

And she pleads with him not to say it back.

_______

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Link does say it back. But it’s not a surprise. Because they’ve been saying it for so long without actually saying it.

“And I know you said not to say it back, but it’s not something I feel very often.”

Their light-hearted ‘gravity blanket’ situation had suddenly taken a more serious turn and Amelia, focusing her eyes on the ceiling above as she lay across Link’s chest, begins to realize just how much they have been saying lately.

She listens carefully as Link embarks on a similar realization. And she knows she doesn’t have to say it back. Not in those three words. Because there’s a million different ways to say ‘i love you.’

And they’ve both been saying it the whole time.

So this time, she settles for “okay,” and she places her hands on top of Link’s as they come to rest across the slowly forming curve in her waist.

There are a million different ways to tell someone you love them. Link and Amelia intended to try every possible way.

#amelink #amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #maggie pierce #greys anatomy #greys anatomy fanfic #amelinkfic #amelinkfanfiction #amelink fanfic #amelia x link #my writing #grey’s anatomy

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booitislife · 3 years

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Let’s Talk About Periods

My period is horrible. I have heard people who don’t get periods say: “It can’t be that bad.” Yes, yes it can. Some studies suggest that cramps can be a worse pain for women than a heart attack. My period technically starts a few days before bleeding. I get a period flu. A period flu is a few days of unexplained illness and flu-like symptoms (low grade fever, chills, etc) a few days before your period starts. I didn’t used to get this, but my body decided I needed this. The first time I got it, my doctor put me on antibiotics thinking I had a sinus infection. (She is proactive about fevers because I am a transplant patient).

My minor symptoms are bloating, diarrhea, lethargy, sometimes headaches, I get irritable, my breasts hurt for a few days, and some other lesser inconveniences. However - my biggest two issues? Pain and bleeding.

Bleeding - I bleed for eight to ten days every month. Usually the first one and last two of the cycle are light. I tend to have one or two very heavy days, depending on the month, and when I say heavy - I mean clots. Lots of them. I will soak through a ten hour pad in less than two hours. I have lost so many pairs of underwear. I now have “period underwear” that is darker or just old so I don’t care if it gets stained. The rest of the days are moderate.

Pain - This is the worst part of my period. I start cramping on day one and I usually don’t stop until the second to last day of my period. When I say it’s bad - I mean excruciating. I was once taken to the hospital by my mom because I couldn’t breathe right during cramps. The doctors rushed me in, thinking I was having a miscarriage, a burst cyst, or maybe appendicitis. They did lab work and ultrasounds. While I was waiting they gave me fentanyl, which is 80-100x stronger than morphine. I could still feel the pain. It dulled it, but didn’t negate it. The doctor came back in shock - there was nothing wrong. No miscarriage, no cysts, and my appendix looked great. These were just the cramps I was going to have to live with. I was given pain meds for every month - 20 - to deal with that I’m going through.

I have a few period journal entries that I would like to post. If you don’t want to read, please scroll down past the blue writing. Sadly, these are only four of dozens of examples.

September 17, 2020 - Day 5 of my period.

Woke up with horrible cramps that were so bad I was shaking. Slept on the couch again because I was tossing and turning so much from the pain. Didn’t fall asleep until nearly 4. Passed a clot which, usually by day 5, will alleviate some of the pain, but it didn’t. The exhaustion took over and I fell asleep until about 11:30, but when I woke up I was so tired I could barely move.

November 16, 2020 - Day 4 of my period.

I could not sleep last night. The pain is intense and comes in waves. The bleeding started to get heavy a little after 7AM. It’s a little after 8:30 when I’m writing this and I have passed 2 large clots and probably 5-6 smaller ones. I soaked through 1 pad already. I’m going back to bed and hopefully sleep for a few hours. Woke up with horrible cramps. Haven’t been able to get out of bed. Managed to get some food down to take my antibiotic, but that’s it. I am exhausted and the pain is radiating to my knees.

February 9, 2021 - Day 3 of my period.

I finally fell asleep around three, but I woke up a little after five with searing cramps. They went down my legs and around my back. I could barely think straight. I took meds, tried meditation, used a heating pad. Nothing helped, I finally passed a big clot and the pain subsided. I moved to the couch and was almost asleep when the pain started again around 9. I did everything the same - meds, meditation, heat. I’m going to try to get some more sleep.

April 14, 2021 - Day 2 of my period.

Having trouble getting to sleep. After taking pain meds and using pain cream on my back, the pain is just getting worse. I almost fell asleep, but woke up in pain. It’s 1:30 AM, and I am heading downstairs to lay on the couch with my heating pad. I can’t get comfortable and the pain is getting worse. It’s 5AM. I still can’t sleep. The pain is very bad. I just want to sleep through it and I can’t. Couldn’t sleep. The pain has somehow gotten worse over the afternoon. As of right now, I have pain meds in my system, pain cream on my back and abdomen, I took a very hot bath, and I am now laying with a heating pad. I am still in searing pain. I can’t do this much longer. I burst into tears a few minutes ago. Why won’t someone help me?

I have asked doctors, so many times, to have a hysterectomy. At first I was told I was too young. Then? I was told my husband would need to sign off on such a procedure. My husband was more than ready. If anything, he was just overtly appalled that he would have to do that, or that any doctor worth there degree would ask that. He asked what it would take for him to get a vasectomy. They said just call a urologist. “Would she have to sign off?” He asked indicating me, and when he was told no he said: “This is a ridiculous double standard. booitislife can make her own choices.”

I have seen 6 OBGYN’s in the last 8 years. The first told me I was too young. She offered a procedure called an Endometrial ablation. It does greatly reduce the bleeding issues. However, I wasn’t really worried about the bleeding - I was worried about the pain. She told me it wouldn’t really do anything for the pain, so I said no. I have to be careful with my transplanted kidney and any kind of anesthesia can be dangerous.

The second OBGYN was a man in the same office who was also conducting a cervical biopsy on me. I’ll never forgot the intense flash of pain and how I nearly yelled, but I did start to cry. According to my husband there was blood spray on the floor as the doctor looked up at me and said in a condescending voice - “That doesn’t hurt! Come on!” And then he laughed. He wouldn’t even discuss a hysterectomy. From that biopsy I learned I have pre-cancer on my cervix and underwent a LEEP procedure. They use a hoop wire heated by electric current to scrape off the parts that could become dangerous.

The third was about a half an hour away at a bigger hospital. He was the guy who did an endometrial biopsy on me. Different than the cervical biopsy, this was just a precaution after something looked off. He wasn’t as condescending as the others, and that biopsy came back normal. However, he wouldn’t do the hysterectomy either. He said I should go to a doctor in a hospital that has a transplant team - seemed reasonable.

Between the 3rd and 4th doctores I had been doing my research. I went to my nephrologist that was keeping track of my transplanted kidney, and told him about my struggles. He said he saw no issue with me getting a hysterectomy and, in fact, I should. He even confirmed with the current head of transplant from the hospital I had my transplant surgery in. So, I was off - feeling more confident. This new OBGYN was a doctor at my transplant hospital.

The fourth OBGYN - or as I call him “The Biggest Mother Fucker I had the displeasure to meet”. He dismissed a lot of my concerns quickly, and talked to me as if I didn’t know anything. Then, he asked if I wanted to try an IUD. Now, I have nothing against anyone who gets an IUD. If that is for you, and it’s working - awesome. I know my brain. I know my brain would focus on everything bad an IUD could do. I politely explained this to my doctor. This wasn’t an option for me. My panic would go crazy. He wrote some things down and told me he wanted to to a procedure just to check for any cancer cells that could be hiding, but (and oh yes, there was a big but) he would only do the procedure if I signed yes to getting a Mirana IUD. I had to sign a consent form before he would even schedule the procedure. So, I did. Then I canceled my procedure and never went to see him again. Oh, also, this asshole handed me pro-life pamphlets on my way out.

The fifth OBGYN - more trusting, no results. At this point I was exhausted. I was tired of trying and being let down, fighting to get an appointment. This OBGYN was a woman and she worked in the same office as the second guy I went to. I laid it all out for her. I told her what the previous doctor did. I told her about the pain, about not being able to barely move. I poured out my heart and soul to her. She empathized, then told me she did not feel comfortable doing my hysterectomy. Because the uterus is close to the transplanted kidney, she thought I needed a specialist. A type of doctor called an OBGYN oncologist. As luck would have it, there was one on staff at my transplant hospital. I waited and waited for an appointment. I waited for over a year. Finally they called and said they were just too booked. They had one doctor who did it, and it was most dire cases first. I understand that. So, I wasn’t angry or frustrated this time. The office at the hospital asked me if I would like to see another OBGYN on staff. I said as long as it wasn’t OBGYN Biggest Mother Fucker I had the Displeasure to Meet. I asked if it could be a woman and we set it up.

Okay, the last one for now. The OBGYN they set me up with was a resident. She seemed nice at first. We sat and talked about my pain, the exhaustion. She wanted to talk birth control options. Great. Her advice to me was to stay away from the shot and the implant. She agreed about the IUD not being right for me. So, she said she wanted me to start talking the pill. I stopped her. I had been on the pill twice. Once when I was 16, another time when I was 24. Two different kinds. Both times I had side effects. The most prominent was this intense stomach cramp. I would get headaches, nausea, extreme weight gain. I couldn’t live my life. I told this doctor that and she didn’t even look at me in the eye when she said...... “Well, I won’t even consider a hysterectomy until you’re on six full months of birth control.” It didn’t matter what other symptoms I had. It didn’t matter what I was and wasn’t comfortable with, not really. So, here I am, looking for lucky number 7 when it comes to OBGYN’s.

As I sit here tonight, losing a lot of blood through clots, being so tired I can’t think, but in too much pain to sleep. I found myself so angry. About an hour before I started writing this I had a pretty big panic attack. I haven’t had one of those in a long time. But - Tuesday night I slept for three hours. Last night I slept about five. Tonight it is almost 3 AM and I’m still awake. The pain is exhausting, but also keeps me awake. It also makes me tense. So, parts of my body started tingling. Instead of my logical side taking over and saying, “Yeah, you have been clenching for four days. You’re gonna feel odd things.” I convinced myself I was dying and had to take medicine. I am so tired on a deep level. I don’t want to have to go through this anymore, and I don’t know if that makes me sound selfish... I just.., I DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS ANYMORE.

So, here we are. If you experience cramps like I do, I am so truly sorry. You don’t deserve them, and if I could do something to help you - I would in a heartbeat. People should not have to live like this. Doctors should listen to us and hear when we say that something like this is, genuinely, detrimental to our lives. If we want permanent birth control whether it be our tubes tied, an ablation, or a hysterectomy - it’s our body. We should decide what we can do with it. Please don’t stop fighting. Please don’t stop advocating for yourself. If you ever need to talk, I’m here. Have a good night, anyone who reads this. Thank you for reading this long-winded rant. Take care of yourself.

#periods #period cramps #personal #period help #panic attack #exhaustion #doctors

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paynesqueen · 4 years

Text

Fall into Midnight: Chapter Three

A Liam Fanfic, K Rating (suitable for most ages)

Sometimes to move on, you need to go back in the past to get some perspective for your future.

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 |

+NOTES+

I have no idea how many chapters there will be in it. I’ll see how it goes.

I started this a while ago and it got re-written so many times so I hope it still makes some sense.

This fic will mostly have romance and a bit of drama and some smut at some point.

I’m always open to suggestions or comments so feel free to leave some.

There will always be a lot of grammatical errors. I apologize for those.

Chapter Three

She stood in front of him silent. He didn’t know what she was thinking right then. Did she not expect him to ask the question knowing damn well that he had been one of these guys? Did she think he had forgotten about it?

Back then, he had never imagined he would get to hook up with a girl like her, but he was just in-between girlfriends and she was single, there was a party and he took his chance and she let him. The next day, they both acted like it was nothing. He never bragged about it to his friend though he often wanted to when they teased him about being inexperienced. To this day, no one knows the truth; that she was his first time.

“I never thought you were a possibility Liam.” She finally answered. “I mean, it’s not like I slept with tons of guys beside Adam, but you were the first one of them, so it felt like the timeline didn’t work for the baby to be yours.”

“Are you saying that so you don’t feel guilty for not telling me or any of these guys?” He asked her. “I mean, let’s be honest here, I don’t know how I would have reacted back then if you had hit me with that news, but I would have wanted to know.”

“No, I’m telling you what I thought back then and I still believe today. Look, aside from Adam, you were the only decent guy I ever hooked up with at that time. If I would have thought for a second there was a possibility that Grace was yours, I would have told you.” She exclaimed.

And he could see it in her eyes how she believed her own words, but the problem was that even if she believed them to be true; they might not have been the reality. He might have fathered a daughter back then and he needed to know. Whether or not he was the father, he just wanted to be sure.

“Rosalie, if I asked you right now to let me take a paternity test to know once in for all, would you let me do it?”

“If it’s what you need, yes.” She sighed. “But you won’t find the answer you think you’ll find. I stand by what I tell you.”

“Unfortunately, your words mean nothing at this point.” He stated.

She didn’t add anything and perhaps it was best. She quickly left after that and he still stood in the middle of the living room feeling like his evening had been nothing like he expected it to be. He began to think that if he had asked the question earlier like he had wanted to, the night would have been cut off much earlier. A part of him was happy that he didn’t because besides that major news, he had enjoyed her company and their random talk.

The only problem now was going to be to get at the bottom of their problem; he needed to know for sure. He still didn’t know what would happen after if the test was to say that he was indeed the father. Because it wasn’t only the question of was he going to get involved or not; the situation itself was complicated since Grace didn’t know any other father than Adam. How can you explain to a child that?

These questions weren’t going to be answered tonight and he needed to clear his head so he headed to bed. Tomorrow he would need to talk to Rosalie even if she ended not wanting to; they needed to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible.

+++

The next morning, he headed to his neighbour’s house as he promised he would. She was opening up her door when she noticed him, a big smile on her face. Mrs. Parker either didn’t know about what went down the previous night with her granddaughter or she had a great poker face.

“Good morning, Liam! I’m happy to see you are looking a bit better than yesterday.” She told him and it surprised him.

He actually felt crappier because last night kept replaying on his mind and he couldn’t stop thinking about Rosalie which made it harder for him to fall asleep. He even checked online how these paternity tests worked hoping to find a way to do it without Grace being told why she was being tested. It was nearly 5am when he finally fell asleep. He had forced himself out of bed because of his promise to her grandma to help with the garden and he always tried to keep his promise, but his bed was still calling him.

“Thanks. What do need from me this morning?” He asked her.

“Well, Rose has been up early this morning and she’s nearly done with the garden.” She answered him. “Unless you would like to come with us to the Farmer’s market, we could always use a strong man.”

He didn’t really like the idea of being in a crowded place at the moment, but he saw the hopeful look in her eyes so he agreed to go with them.

“That’s wonderful. I’ll just grab my purse. Can you go and tell Rose that we’re going to be leaving soon?” She exclaimed and he nodded.

As she went back inside to grab her purse, he walked towards the backyard where he could now see Rosalie working on the garden. He didn’t know much about gardening so he couldn’t tell whether or not she was close to be done.

“How are you feeling this morning?” He asked her as he arrived next to her.

“Not at my best.” She sighed getting up. “You?”

“Kind of numb.” He answered honestly. “Your grandma sent me to get you so we can go to the Farmer’s market.”

“You really don’t have to come with us you know.” She quickly said getting up. “I mean, I can handle all the carrying and y-”

He grabbed her hand and cut her mid-sentence; “Don’t do this. Don’t avoid me because of what happened last night.”

“Li-... I haven’t wrapped my head around what we said last night.” She exclaimed. “I’m still trying to deal with a lot of stuff right now and as much as I understand your demand, I just can’t deal with this too right this moment.”

He then grabbed both of her hands in his. He wanted to tell her that he wished the night ended differently. He meant every word he said, but he came to the conclusion that she had done what any seventeen years old pregnant girl would do and that would be to take the easiest path. He understood it, but that didn’t mean he was no longer angry with her not even telling him or any of the other guys about it.

“I can understand that, but can we for a few hours just be two friends helping out your grandmother picking up whatever she intends to get there? If I succeeded to enjoy the randomness of our conversation last night when all I wanted was to go back to the subject that shall-not-be-named, I think we can handle a few hours in each other’s presence without making it too awkward.” He told her.

She offered him her first smile and nodded. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but he wanted to believe that they could still be friends while dealing with the situation.

“I-I’m just going to clean up.” She finally spoke and he let go of her hands.

He watched her go inside and he took a deep breath. Yesterday he was only thinking about his cancelled wedding and now all he could think about was the possibility that he might have a child. He exchanged a problem for another problem it seemed.

“I didn’t mean that kind of distraction when I asked for one.” He said to himself.

“Ahhh but you asked for one.” He heard from besides him.

He jumped slightly as Mrs. Parker appeared to his side. She linked her arm to his and went on.

“I don’t know what is going on between you and Rose. That stubborn granddaughter of mine won’t speak of it, but I can tell that it pretty much shook her up.” She said to him. “Just promise me you’ll be careful with her.”

“Nothing is going on between me and Rosalie.” He assured her. “We are friends.”

At least, it’s the closest that he can describe their relationship for now.

“Perhaps, but I can tell that something happened. Even if it was not of the romantic kind, it was enough to shake her up. Last time I saw her like this was when her wretch of ex-husband decided to leave her and the kids.” She argued. “So I’m begging you to be careful with her. She’d hate me for babying her, but I know she’s trying to look strong, but she’s starting to break inside.”

He felt like he had just been hit in the stomach at her words. He knew of course that this divorce was hard on her, but hearing this just reminded him just how much their problem was probably the last item on the list of things she will handle or be willing to handle.

“I promise I’ll be careful with her, Mrs. Parker.” He promised the old lady who gave small pats on his hand.

“Now, let’s go to this farmer’s market.”

Rosalie joined them not long after and they all got into her car ready to head to the market. When they arrived, there was already a huge crowd of people and he suddenly felt uneasy knowing he might get recognized.

“Liam, why don’t you keep my grams company?” Rosalie said as she parked the car. “You don’t need to be seen with a girl days after your wedding has been cancelled. Like this, if you do get recognized, they’ll think you’re just being a nice guy.”

“Or think that he’s into much older women now.” Mrs. Parker laughed. “You know he’s just as charming as your grandpa was.”

“Well, don’t flirt too much with Liam.” Rosalie chuckled. “You’d be taking advantage of him in his state.”

“I’m still here you know.” He reminded them as they both laugh even more.

“Okay, let’s go then.”

The three of them exited the car and Liam offered his assistance to eldest of the Parker’s and while Rosalie took off to left; he followed his neighbour to the right. She seemed to know everyone and stopped at every stand to talk. He simply stood next to her and held whatever she handed him while she spoke about anything and everything. He figured that it was actually the reason why Rosalie insisted that he accompanied her. He didn’t really mind thought because it was a nice change to not have the attention on him. If people recognized him, no one said a word.

They were there for about two hours when Mrs. Parker finally felt tired and wished to return home. They walked slowly back to the car where Rosalie was already waiting for them. After helping the older woman to sit, he turned to Rosalie with a knowing smile.

“You knew what she did when she came here. You set me up.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She smirked before getting into the car at her turn.

He chuckled to himself and got in. The ride back was pretty much Mrs. Parker telling Rosalie all the new gossip she learned. Once they got back to their house, he helped them get everything inside and Mrs. Parker insisted that he stayed for lunch.

“Now you two go in the living room or outside while I cook.” She ordered. “And no, I don’t need help Rose. I’m quite capable of cooking on my own.”

Rosalie hadn’t said a word, but her grandma knew her well enough it seemed to know she would argue. He followed her outside and watched as she sat on one of the patio chairs. For a while, both of them were quiet just staring in front of them as if there was something fascinating to watch.

“It’s hard to find a subject to talk about, right?” She finally spoke.

“I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He replied honestly. “I know you asked for some time, but I also think that getting it out of the way would also improve our friendship you know.”

“Not here. My grams doesn’t know and I do not need her to butt in and tell me what she believes I should do.”

“Because she would agree with me?” He asked her.

“She probably would and Liam, I know your demand is legit, but it’s hard to do such a demand when your kid is at an age to understand what’s happening.” She answered.

“Okay, how about this. You come have dinner with me at my place and we can talk about it? Like this, we are out of earshot from your grandma and we could try to come up with a solution to this problem. I don’t want to make things awkward with your daughter too. I’m sure there are some solutions we can do that wouldn’t clue her in.”

She didn’t say anything, but finally nodded. He could tell that it wasn’t going to be an easy conversation to have, but they needed to have it even if she wasn’t ready to do the testing in the following weeks. They needed to check out their options about this.

+++

Liam was just done with the cooking when he heard the knock. He quickly wiped his hands and went to open the door. Rosalie held a bottle of wine in her hands and handed it to him before Watson attacked her demanding attention and cuddles.

“You’re cooking. I thought that I would at least bring the wine.”

“Thanks. Come on in. I hope fettuccini alfredo is good with you because honestly, I didn’t really know what to do.” He told her as he gave her space to enter the house bringing his dog back inside.

“Sounds good.” She smiled. “It actually smells really good too.”

He went into the kitchen and opened the bottle she brought before pouring them each a glass.

“Anything I can do to help?” She offered.

“No, just sit. I’ll just get the bread out of the oven and everything will be ready.”

As she sat down, he could feel her eyes on him as he got the garlic bread out and put it on a plate. He cut it in pieces before putting it on the table. He quickly served them and finally sat down in front of her. It was still awkward trying to do a casual conversation when they both knew the reason why she was really there, but he didn’t want to rush it either; mostly because he felt that the evening would be cut short once they got on the subject and it was something he didn’t want.

After an hour or so of stuffing themselves, they migrated to the living room with their drinks and sat in the exact same positions they had the previous night. There were no more delays; the time had come to talk about it. He knew he should be the one starting it since he was the one pushing for this, but he was trying to select his words carefully. He didn’t want to bring her defenses up.

“Look, I’ve looked online since I couldn’t really sleep last night. We don’t even have to go to a doctor for it. You can do it from home and you send the swabs afterwards. I mean, we could tell her it’s for a project. We could even get Cora to do it so it doesn’t look too strange or something.” He told her. “I think it would probably make Grace less suspicious about why we are doing it.

“I guess we can do that.” She agreed, but he could tell that she wasn’t a 100% convinced about it.

“I know you don’t think there is a chance that I am the father, but I really need to know for sure. And as I said before and will keep telling you until you believe me, I know you don’t want it to mess with your daughter’s head and that’s why I did some research and thought this was the best way to do it and not raise unnecessary questions.”

“I’m sorry, Liam.” She sighed taking a sip of her drink. “I know you’re being really sweet about the whole situation and I sound like a bitch, but you see how my divorce is fucking me up? It’s worse with Grace. And I saw the light die in her eyes the moment she realized she wouldn’t see her father anymore and if by any chance I’m wrong and you are her father and there comes a time where...”

She didn’t need to finish that sentence and he felt stupid for not realizing what actually concerned her the most. She feared that he would leave too. Yes, there was a big chance that he was not her father if he was to believe Rosalie, but the chances that he was, he wouldn’t do what her ex did. He might not have asked for it, but he would be there.

He took the drink out of her hand and then grabbed both of her hands in his; “I’m not him, Rose. If I am the father, I will be there. Even if you don’t want to tell her right away who I am, I will still be there. I don’t promise that I will be the perfect dad, but I will do my best to be the one they deserve.”

Saying that, he felt that even if Cora was Adam’s, he wouldn’t be able to just ignore the little one who was abandoned by her father as well. He would be there for the both of them in whatever capacity Rosalie needed him to be there.

This thought was quite new to him though; accepting that he might have a child and be willing to take his responsibilities was one thing, but adding another child that wasn’t his was not something he thought about before right now, but it felt right.

“I do believe you mean those words, Liam. I really do, but it’s easier said than done. You might feel entirely different once you know for sure and then you have your career and you’ll want to have a family of your own with the girl you love some day and no matter your willingness to make it work, I fear that she will be cut off.” She stated. “Not intentionally of course, but maybe it will be too much for you to try to make time for all of it and you will slowly push away.”

“Okay, I get your fears, but can we take a step back. I’m not in any way close to be ready to date again let alone get married or start a whole new family. I’m not saying it will be easy to always be there with my career, but even from afar, I’m sure we could work things out.” He argued. “So instead of seeing too far into my future and trying to make predictions of what you believe will happen, can we focus on now and find the answer? After that, we could have a deeper talk about how we will work things out if I am the father.”

She finally looked at him and slowly nodded. He wanted her to believe in him, but he knew that her trust had been broken before and because of it, she was even more scared of the unknown of this situation. He looked at their joined hands and wondered if he should let go, but at the same time, he felt like shouldn’t.

This was a messed up situation, but on the other hand he barely thought about his other problem which was both good and bad; good because the guilt of what he had done wasn’t a constant companion to his thoughts, but bad because he had no idea yet of where he was going from there. Sure, a positive paternity test would probably be a big decision maker for his future, but if not; he would have to decide what he wanted.

“Why do I feel like your thoughts have wandered somewhere else?” She told him taking him out of his thoughts.

“Because they have. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry for that, Liam. You had your own problems before our problem. I mean, isn’t it why you came here to hide from the world?” She asked him.

“Yes and no. I mean, I couldn’t stay in the same house as my ex-girlfriend and I didn’t want to be a burden for anyone else. Staying in London meant that if I went out, I risked bumping into a paparazzi and I’m not sure I would be handling it well. So yes, I’m hiding from the famous side of my life, but I’m not severing any contact with my family and friends.”

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t think you would have more complications coming here though.” She laughed softly.

“I will admit that I thought that I would probably stay inside for like a week before doing anything useful like writing music or you know do some work around the house and maybe get drunk most nights that I wouldn’t feel any guilt, but instead I met your grandma and reconnected with you and you know, I’m pretty happy about that. I think getting wasted wouldn’t have been productive to my problem that isn’t a problem really when you think about it.”

“What do you mean?” She frowned.

“I mean, my career isn’t going anywhere because I cancelled my wedding. My fans won’t all turn on me because I broke Amber’s heart. I mean, my career would only go downhill if suddenly I had no more fans or nothing left to say in my lyrics, but that has nothing to do with whether I got married or not you know. I guess it’s mostly how I’m going to deal with my personal life from now on. I don’t want to be linked to every girl I’m going to talk to because stories will be made and even if it comes with the lifestyle, I’m not really feeling like dealing with those. God knows how easily I can put my foot in my mouth at the worse possible moments so I could and probably would make these situations worse. I guess what I’m saying is that I need to find a way to keep my personal life out of the spotlight and it’s not always an easy task.”

“That is a long explanation, but I guess I understand what you mean.” She exclaimed just as her phone started to ring. “That’s my mom. I have to take it before she calls grams.”

“Would it be so bad if she talked to your grandma?” He chuckled.

“Haven’t you learn how my grandma like to gossip. I do not need her to tell her about what is happening right now.” She sighed a small smile on her face. “Hi mom! What’s up?”

As she listened to what was said on the phone, her whole demeanor changed making him wonder what was going on. He looked up at her face and noticed that the smile he had succeeded to put there was now gone.

“No, I will come and pick them up. It’s no worries, mom. I’ll be there in 30 minutes.” She said before hanging up.

“Trouble?”

“Grace had a nightmare and she wants me.” She answered him as she got up quickly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to end out evening so quickly.”

“Never apologize for that. You want me to come with you?” He offered.

She seemed stopped moving as she stared at him; obviously not expecting that. He could see the wheels turning in her head wondering if it was a good idea or not.

“I don’t want to...”

He cut her right there; “I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to. Come on, let’s go get your girls.”

#FIM #liam payne #liam payne fluff #liam payne story #liam payne writing #liam payne fanfic #liam payne fan fic #liam payne fanfiction #liam payne fan fiction

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byuncock · 5 years

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Untitled

requested: no

word count: 2,599

edited: naw

—

our relationship is fine. as fine as an arranged couple's marriage should be.

i am currently sitting on the couch mindlessly staring at the television screen. looking at the clock from time to time it was already 10pm and baekhyun was still at work.

sighing at the thought of the food i cooked on the table going cold. i sat there for awhile now. even stopped checking the time since i know he'll be coming home past 12am as usual.

it was 2:14am when i heard the front door's knob jiggled and in came baekhyun. he looked tired. he been looking tired for the past few weeks, i noticed but every time i try to ask all of his answers are "nothing important".

staying silent as i watched him take off his shoes and come in through the living room to go towards the bedroom. not noticing me until he saw the television screen and trailed his eyes to me.

"hey baby, what are you doing up?" he questions tiredly though doing his best to give you a smile.

"couldn't sleep" i replied to him as i watch his face give i a pout as he retreats to the bedroom.

"i'd stay up with you, but work is tiring me out. good night" he yawns.

i hear him taking a shower before getting ready for bed. i stay on the couch though. still not being able to find the sleep ineed despite how tired and drained i've been feeling.

feeling how distant we both have gone. barely any time for each other. whenever we sleep together there is a gap. no longer feeling the warmth i crave.

and worst of it all. he hasnt told me i love you since our last anniversary dinner. which was a month or so ago. this has been going on for a month and i am fed up.

doesnt seem long but when you experience it, it feels like a year.

i dont know how long it had been until i heard noises in the room and out came baekhyun. in his usual work attire.

baekhyun sees me still on the couch and questions, "why didnt you come to bed last night?" why didnt you ask me earlier?

"can't sleep" i vaguely reply. looking over at the clock it was 5am.

he nods in reply and put on his shoes. leaving for work. no good bye kiss. no i love you. not even a single affection of some sorts. thats when i had enough.

planning to visit his work later after i freshen up and ready myself for whatever storm i have to face when talking to him about this.

getting up from the couch i went over to the bedroom and took my time to freshen up.

after putting some food in my system for the day ahead i headed out. the drive to his office was nerve wrecking for some reason.

arriving at the building i walked in. passing by the receptionist you gave her a smile. she instantly stood up and bowed giving you a grin.

walking through the offices there were a bunch of workers around about, not forgetting to greet you though. when you made it to baekhyun's office floor things seems to be eerily quiet.

too quiet and it was almost scary. his door was down the hall. his door was slightly ajar. not knowing if he was in his office or not you take a peek.

he was indeed in his office, but he wasn't alone. he is sitting on top at the front of his desk. arms crossed with his eyebrows furrowed while talking to someone.

i was going to leave and just wait for him to finish conversing with whoever he is with until the person made it's appearance.

she was dangerously close to him to be talking to him about some offer of a deal. she got even closer by caging him in his arms by putting her arms on both sides of him on his desk. their faces inches apart from where their lips can touch.

i was shocked, hurt, angry, every emotion you can get. not knowing what to do or if i should barge in, but my grabbed my phone out of my purse and quickly dialed a number.

before things could get worse between the pair in the room a ringtone broke the tension. though the phone kept ringing the both of them made no signs to move.

baekhyun turned his head to look at the caller id that was calling him. he was staring intently at his phone but not reaching out to pick it up.

i watched him stare at his phone, praying for him to pick up. even when the ring stopped he didnt move a muscle.

the woman grabbed his chin and turned his face over to meet her face again. a sly smirk made its way across her lips. everything turned silent after i hung up the call. not believing he stood your call, but is it shocking since he's been ignoring my calls for a while now?

"so" the lady sultry says, "everything could be over if you accept my offer" she purrs.

confusion flashed across my face. what could be over? what offer? i was confused, so mad, and so hurt i really wanted to burst in and stop them.

i was going to burst in until he leaned in. not wanting to witness what happens after she leans in i left.

walked through the building with tears streaming down my face. not caring if the workers saw.

finally, even though it felt like years, i made it out the building. going over to my car and got in. quickly driving home, away from the building, away from him.

when i made it home i just threw my body on the bed. everything hurts. my heart was literally broken. i am sobbing into my pillow.

thinking about how the past few nights i slept without his embrace. went on with day for the month without his love or affection. and now i knew why.

turning over on the bed to stare up at the ceiling i rose my left hand. staring at the promise ring he gave me a few months ago during our anniversary. now everything just seem like a joke.

i would of spent even more hours wailing then getting ready to leave him until i heard the front door slam. quick steps were approaching and there he was.

"baby" he says breathlessly. as if he ran all the way over here from his workplace. i stared at him for a moment before turning my attention back to the ceiling. the tears threatening to fall again.

i sniffed and thats when i felt the right side of the bed dip. his face coming to view.

"why didnt you tell me you were coming to visit me at work?" he questions softly, staring at you.

"even if i called, you didnt answer" i whisper then stared at him. letting him see how broken you are. how broken he made you.

he was lost for words. so what his coworkers were telling him were right. you were there. then you left. with tears.

"baby, i can explain. what you saw at my work was not wh-" he tries to explain to me, but i cut him off.

"please leave, baekhyun. i don't want to see you right now" i try to stay as calmly as possible. though i was anything but calm.

"baby please let me explain-" he desperately tries again, but i sat up. almost bumping our heads, making him move back slightly. i reached for my left ring finger and as quickly as i can, take it off then threw it outside our bedroom door

i was heaving. now tears have fell and baekhyun looked over at the door where the sound of a ring dropping is made. he looked at my face. with a painful, regretful, and saddened expression.

i didnt dare look at him though as i stare straight ahead waiting for him to leave. when i heard him get up to grab the ring i ran over to our bedroom door and closed it. locking it too.

knocks and yells were made on the other side of the door. i can hear him calling for me, crying in the process of trying to let him in, but i dont.

i cover my ears trying to block his cries as i cried. falling asleep in that position with him as the last thing on my mind.

the sound of the alarm woke me up. i went over to it and slammed the snooze button. checking the time it was 10am. Baekhyun should be out at work now. I thought as i got up.

i opened the door heading out of the bedroom until i stumbled across a body by the door. i was on the floor from tripping over baekhyun. he seem to be stirring awake from my clumsiness and we made eye contact.

i quickly got up on my feet to go back in the room and close the door, but baekhyun quickly grabbed me and wrapped his arms around my body.

i was thrashing in his arms. trying to get him to let go of me since i dont want to be anywhere near him. nonetheless touch by an unfaithful partner.

"let me explain, please" he sounded so broken. his voice was hoarse, probably from crying. but it just made you even angrier.

he held me tighter as long as it takes for me to calm down. when a minutes have passed and i have finally gave up in trying to escape, i let him hug me.

baekhyun takes this chance to explain what happened. clearing his throat, "i dont know when you came in yesterday and what you saw, but i assure you nothing happened" he says carefully.

i was lifeless. basically, he was holding my entire form together before i completely break apart.

sensing my silence he held me a bit tighter burying his head in my hair as he gently pressed kisses around. continuing, "that lady... she is one of my new partners in work. we hired her a few weeks before this whole thing started".

"she tried seducing me, tried countless of ways to get closer to me, but being the smart and loyal man i am i never gave in and i even called her out on it" he pulls away from you to cup your face.

"but that pissed her off.. she- she started messing with my paper works, my deals and partnership, i couldn't do anything, baby." his voice broke as he tried explaining for you to understand.

"i didnt know what to do. i told her i would fire her if she kept this up, but because she is the daughter of one of my most loyal partner...... she told me she would ruin me by telling lies with proof of fake documents i dont even know where she is getting it from" he is sobbing now. though a ton of bricks have finally lifted off his chest he was still scared.

i was still silent. taking in everything he had said, but one question is lingering in my mind that i hope is false.

"you said you never gave in to her foul play, right?" your voice so small baekhyun had to stop breathing just to hear. "then how come i saw the both of you kiss" you looked up at him, tears forming in your eyes at the memory.

"no no baby, she leaned in, but i assure you our lips did not touch. i pushed her away right when she leaned in. i knew she was going to do that, but i was waiting for her to do it so that if she does yell for help i can say that she was trying something on me without my consent." he explains, a bit too quickly for my brain, but i understand. i nod to him, my eyes casting downwards.

"even after all these explanations, i dont understand why you havent been giving me the love and affection i've been yearning for" i sniffed. heart hurting from all the pain. i look down tears wetting his suit.

"i'm so sorry, baby. for that reason... i just... i just couldnt bring myself to touch you, make love to you, or even say the three words because of how dirty things feel. i know i told you i did nothing with her, but i still felt dirty. im so sorry, baby" he is crying. trying his best to speak as he wraps his arms around you again. holding you tight.

understanding now you oat his back to calm him down. though the pain in your heart ceased a bit, it was still there.

"im- im so so- sorry, baby. for a- all the th- things i've put you through" he was hiccuping. the thought of how lonely and sad you mustve felt because of his cold actions towards you.

"let me make it up to you , baby. please i promise to be better . i promise to treat you better not do that ever again. " he says brokenly. cupping your face again as he pecks all over your face, but your lips.

"please, let me make it up for you, please" he desperately says while searching for your eyes.

you think for a moment. about everything he says. all the drama that happened and see how much shit he's been going through. although he should of told you about it he made it worse for himself.

baekhyun took your silence as a bad sign when he leaned his forehead onto yours. closing his eyes as he whispered, "baby, please forgive your shit of a boyfriend and let him treat you right. please" he opens his eyes at the last word to stare at your brown orbs.

"this is your only chance" you say before he swoops in and kisses you on the lips. the both of us meet each other head on. my arms finally wrapping around him to pull him closer as his arms trailed everywhere around you.

he picked me up and carry me over to the bed and laid me down. that night we spent reuniting with one another.

next morning came and the alarm rang for 10am. you woke up startled, but just laid there trying to back to sleep. you hear rustling on the other side of the bed as baekhyun turned off the alarm and wrapped his arm around your waist again.

confused by his action you turned over, "not going to work?" you questioned. while staring at his cute face. he shakes his head.

"i'll take care of whatever i need to take care of at home......... and that means firing that woman" he says before he made himself comfortable by snuggling closer to you.

i was a bit worried because of what baekhyun said she can do to him if he fires her, "but what about the lies she will do?"

"i'll face whatever bump it takes me and because i know and you know that i am innocent, that is enough" he smiles though his eyes are still closed.

not wanting to disturb him any further i fully turn to him and get closer to him. wrapping my arm around his torso. giving him a quick peck on his lips before closing my eyes to drift off again.

—

authornote: hello xD! i just wrote this for the past few hours after remembering a oneshot i read on tumblr similar to this that is no longer posted. so i figured to just write something similar to keep myself from going crazy by not being able to read it again aha. sry for the mistakes you see, but i hope you enjoy reading!

- admin b

#baekhyun #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun angst #baekhyun fluff #byun baekhyun #angst #baekhyun scenarios #admin b #my writings

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inkfinale · 5 years

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So, it's been a little over a month since I went to the ER. Basically, I had genuinely believed I was about to die. I wasn't, and obviously didn't, but believing that for 5-6 hours straight really fucked some things up that I'm still trying to get past and heal from mentality speaking.

What had actually happened was a 5-6 hour long anxiety/panic attack. But I didn't know that's what those felt like. Not to say I hadn't experienced them before--I just never knew that's what they were. They'd only lasted somewhere between 30 minutes to an hour, maybe two hours, but not as severe. To sort of explain why I didn't mention those moments to anyone for so long (until the ER visit), I have a heart condition where one of my valves is "floppy"-- it doesn't seal quite properly when it's pumping. So, I had assumed these anxiety attacks (which have only happened at night, causing me to not be able to fall asleep and get an accelerated heartrate) were "just" a symptom of my heart condition that I had to deal with occasionally. And never really mentioned it to parents/ doctors because I was(and still am) terrified of surgery or anything else invasive.

But a month ago, I had this out of the blue moment where when I took one of my meds it got caught in/ scratched my throat, and that feeling wasn't going away with drinking/eating anything-- and I'm pretty sure that's what began the anxiety/panic attack. But I was still sort of trying to sleep like normal, laid down in bed for a while. Heart was beating kinda fast but not super bad, and I didn't feel physically calmed like what going to bed usually feels like. I assumed it was just because I had gone to a party earlier that evening and I just had a bit of energy leftover from socializing. And an hour passed I think of feeling the same way. I'm not exactly sure what I did most of that night, but when I realized I couldn't sleep I decided to go to the bathroom (idk why I thought that would help but whatever) and then walk around a bit, browse the internet. Messaged my friends in the group chat, which throughout the night changed from something like "ah shoot can't sleep again" to "I think something's wrong." Not getting replies from anyone wasn't helping either.

I tried to go back to sleep but that wasn't working. I think I started to fall asleep but with my heart going so fast my brain registered it as "you will die if you fall asleep" and I jerked awake-- that thought definitely made the anxiety attack worse. Which made my heart go faster. Which made me think I was having heart failure-- again making the anxiety attack worse, and getting into an awful cycle that was increasingly scaring the shit out of me because I didn't know the specific symptoms of an anxiety attack to know that's what it was and that I was not actually dying. But it kept going. I started pacing because I was afraid to go to sleep. Which is honestly probably one of the worse fears you can feel.

At about 5am I called my parents. (I was 2 hours away from home at college. My mom regularly wakes up around 5, but not on purpose, so when I knew i'd been awake looking enough for my mom to wake up, I knew it was bad.) I said I wasn't sure if I should go to the ER because I didn't know how bad something had to be to warrant going there. But I was terrified, and my mom was worried because of how late/early I was calling, and what I described. They were going to come down that day anyway, but they left a lot sooner than they were planning to. So at 5am I knock on my roommate's door, "Can you drive me to the ER?" Considering we barely talked or hung out ever, she got her shit together VERY fast to be ready to drive me once I got dressed.

So, ER. It wasn't the rushing energetic frantic-nurses-and-doctors-everywhere scene you see on TV. When we first pulled up I thought it was closed. I'll skip the weirdness that was going on in the ER that morning and save it for another post or something if anyone's interested. --I sign in, get blood pressure tested, change into the gown thing and get hooked up to an EKG (because I had told them I thought something was wrong with my heart). I'm there for about two hours, constantly nervously looking at the heart monitor and how high the numbers were. It started beeping loudly at one point and flashing, which probably only made my heart rate faster. No one came running in to check on me or anything, and i was too scared/nervous to call out for someone. I did breathing stuff for a while to calm down a bit, which sort of helped. In the end they barely told me in person what I was experiencing (or they did and I was too flustered to absorb that information) but gave me some papers on it. I went back to the apartment and somehow took a shower on zero sleep, parents picked me up, and instead of the fun/relaxing day we'd planned I asked to just go home for the night, and skip my one class the next day.

The week after that was hard. I was on edge all the time, terrified of sparking another anxiety attack, and for four days after I continued to feel like I had gotten my medicine caught in my throat every time I took it (and I still can't take it properly, as if I lost the comfort and muscle memory). The couple weeks since the first week have been better, but something happened the first week which was odd, which is the reason I'm making the post in the first place.

Just the background took a lot of time to write up, it's currently 1:36am, so i'll try to remember to finish my thoughts tomorrow. If I forget, hopefully that means I feel better about things than I did tonight.

#my life #long post #sorry i don't usually share this kind of stuff but it was a really... impactful moment in my life recently and i'm hoping for #someone who has advice or input that might help calm me down on some things finally #anxiety attacks #panic attacks #ER #sorry i don't know what other tags to warn people about if they don't want to see this #i'm on mobile and can't do the cut thing either as far as i know

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georgialouisea · 6 years

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The One - Part 4

Characters - Derek x Reader, Ex Dean x Reader, Sam, Doctor Bailey. Word Count - 2890. Warnings - Angst, Fluff, Hospital situations, sad Dean, unrealistic hospital discharge times. Summary - One phone call is all it took for Dean’s life to come crashing down. He thought he was over her? Think again. A/N - I’m so glad you’re all enjoying this series.

Part 3 - Masterlist

Sam and Dean after nearly 30 hours of staying at your bedside went back to the motel to shower as you rested. After 20 minutes of convincing you that you weren’t, in fact, dead you finally beloved them and fell back asleep, Derek took their numbers and ensured he would call when you woke up.

After so long of not seeing you, Dean saw you everywhere now, riding shotgun in the Impala, walking out of the store snacks in hand, lounging on one of the motel beds, coming out of the shower in a towel surrounded by a plume of steam. Dean snapped himself from his memories as his phone rang.

Caller ID read an unknown number.

“Derek?” Dean answered the phone.

“Who?”

“Never mind who is this?” He asked running a hand down his face. Dean zoned out as he listened to a cop who knew what they do who needed help, their kind of help.

“Sam and I are busy right now but I can give you a hunter who can help you.” Dean hung up as Sam entered the room from the bathroom.

“Seriously Dean? You’re throwing hunts away to inexperienced hunters to what? Stay with her?” Sam growled at Dean for putting people in danger. “She left, you chose hunting over her she begged you to leave with her and now you think what? She’s going to throw her new life away to get back with you and hunt again?” Sam asked his voice bellowing through the cheap motel’s walls.

“Shut up.” Dean snarled as he grabbed his coat from the chair slamming the door shut behind him.

“Derek stop fussing I’m fine!” Your protests filled Dean’s ears as he approached the room you were in.

“You thought you were dead.” Derek’s voice sterner than it had been anytime with Sam or Dean.

“Well, that was a weird drugged up haze, baby I promise I’m okay.” Your voice soft and soothing. Dean would have smiled at the soothing voice he adored for years If it wasn’t for a single word that made him want to throw up ‘Baby’.

Dean remembered the first time you said it, you were both sat in a diner booth, Sam sat opposite them.

“Baby, will you pass me the sugar?” You asked glancing up at Dean as Sam choked on his toast.

“Baby?” Sam echoed. “Are you two?” Sam waved his toast at you both.

Dean didn’t respond instead he took your face in his hands and kissed you.

“Guys I’m eating here.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Sir?” A voice pulled Dean from his flashback. “You can go in.” The nurse encouraged Dean.

“Thanks.” Dean smiled at her, walking into the room Dean kept up his smile as he looked at you, you looked a lot better than you did a few hours ago. “Hey.” Dean’s smile grew to a grin as he stepped further into the room.

“Dean, hi.” You smiled at him, trying to sit up you groaned when a pain shot through you.

“No, don’t sit up.” Dean held his hands out to push you down but stopped himself.

“I’ll give you two some time to catch up, I have rounds and surgery but if you need me get someone to page me.” Derek stood up kissing your forehead to avoid the bruises and bust lip before he left the room, leaving you alone with Dean.

“What brings you to Seattle Winchester?” You asked resting your head back on your pillow, you finally had a chance to look at him, to drink him in. He looked tired, his eyes had lost their sparkle, he had a few more wrinkles and a few extra scars.

“You actually, I was your emergency contact number,” Dean spoke realising he had jumped straight in.

“What? No, you’re not Derek is.” Your eyebrows knitted together searching the blanket for your phone. “See, in case of emergency, Derek, his sister Amelia and my friend Amanda.” You explained confused why Dean was even called.

“I got a call at 5am a nurse asked for me… well, Dean Smith…”

“Oh, wait.” You stopped looking down at your cracked phone and scrolled to the ’S’ section. “You are here, well Dean Smith is.”

“Derek seems nice.” Dean switched the conversation as he pulled the chair around to face you.

“He is, Dean we don’t have to…” You began as Dean’s look cut you off. “Where’s Sam?” you asked shifting in bed, wincing in pain as you did.

“Back at the motel.” Dean sat back in his chair, both of you not wanting to pull up the past. “He’ll surface soon.”

“How’ve things been?” You asked your eyes searching Dean’s for the truth.

“Let’s not, not right now.” Dean smiled attempting to reassure you. “You look tired.”

“I was in a car crash Dean.” You smirked making Dean chuckle.

“I don’t mean that just take a nap,” Dean mumbled as he slouched further into his chair resting his head on the back of the seat.

Minutes later your eyes fluttered shut, your breathing fell into a slow pattern as you slept. Dean watched your chest rise and fall as Doctors and nurses checked on you more frequently than a normal patient would be monitored.

Doctor Bailey returned to the room waking you up to give you a quick checkup. “Miranda?” Your voice was groggy as you tried to sit up.

“No stay still, lay back down.” She insisted and you obeyed collapsing back down into the pillows. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re still a shit liar I see.” Dean raised his eyebrow as he looked at you.

“Fine, I hurt.” You gave in trying to put a brave face on it. “God I hate you sometimes Winchester.” You groaned flashing him a quick smile.

“Here, this should help.” Doctor Bailey spoke as she injected more drugs into the IV.

“How am I doing?” You asked her with a smile.

“You’re doing well!” Miranda smiled as she gave your hand a squeeze. “As long as you keep healing how you have been you’ll be home soon!”

“I miss my bed.” You sighed.

“Well, rest up and you’ll be home soon, Derek should be around soon.” Doctor Bailey added before she left.

“You know no one has even told me about the other driver or my car, I bet it’s totalled.” You mumbled your hand flopping over your eyes a few wires hitting your face.

“Want me to try and find out?” Dean asked his elbows rested on his knees.

“If you want to, but dear Lord don’t use a fake ID here.” You removed your hand and rolled your eyes knowing where Dean’s thought process was going. “Use Derek’s name, say you’re asking for him.” You warned Dean. “I’m going to sleep while I don’t hurt.”

“Okay, get some rest.” Dean left the room rolling his own eyes at thought of Derek being popular here.

When Dean returned to your room you were fast asleep. Derek was slumped over in the chair previously occupied by Dean, opposite him sat Sam flicking through what Dean could only assume was a lore book.

“Hi, Sammy,” Dean whispered unsure of Derek’s sleep situation.

“He’s asleep Dean,” Sam answered bluntly.

“Don’t get all butt hurt, sure I left you but you’re here right, how’d you get here?” Dean asked his brother.

“Uber.”

“What are you reading?” Dean questioned attempting to diffuse the situation.

“Research on a case you palmed off on another hunter.” Sam glared at Dean.

“Okay, let’s talk about it later.” Dean gave up not wanting either you or Derek to hear the conversation even subconsciously.

8:30pm

Derek had returned to another surgery leaving you, Sam and Dean alone. At each of your checkups, you had been improving every hour. Doctor Bailey returned to the room your file in hand.

“Doctor Bailey, please tell me I can go home soon! I’m going crazy!” You groaned sitting up.

“Derek’s surgery ends at 1am, I feel confident you can go home and recover with him then.” She advised.

“Can I not go home now? If Sam and Dean stay with me?” You blurted out, giving her a smile.

Doctor Bailey glanced at Sam and Dean. “If.” She raised a finger to each man. “If you two check on her regularly and one of you is with her at all times.” Doctor Bailey concluded.

“Thank you!” You grinned at her. “One last thing, I don’t have my house keys, they were on my car keys.”

“I’ll ask Derek for his,” Miranda added as she left the room.

50 minutes later you had officially been discharged, you were now sat in the back of the Impala, Sam by your side you were using him as support. Dean pulled out of the Hospital car park, you were dressed in Dean’s borrowed sweats and plaid.

“So where do you live?” Dean asked as he drove down the highway.

“About 20 minutes away.” You spoke shifting against Sam’s chest “Wait you mean address?” You realised.

“Would help.”

“Well just carry on until you reach the 5th diner on the left.” You replied handing Sam your busted up phone with 2 notes on it.

The first

Sammy -

How is he? After I left? What happened? How are you? Fill me in.

Sammy -

My address.

Sam grabbed your phone turning down the brightness before clicking on the address note, reading it aloud to Dean. He then switched to the first note.

- He’s never been the same when you left he fell apart, he wasn’t himself yet he couldn’t leave. He should have left the life, gone with you, got married, had kids.

Sam put your phone back in your hand, reading it you tried to ignore the sinking feeling in your gut, deleting the note you typed again.

I’m sorry I ruined things.

- You didn’t.

Sam typed back before switching off your phone, avoiding pulling Dean’s attention towards him.

“How are you feeling?” Dean asked looking in the rearview mirror.

“I hurt but I want to get into my own bed.” You sighed cringing when you moved.

“Okay?” Sam asked his hand found yours giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Yeah, I’ve had worse.”

“Don’t lie.” Dean almost argued.

“Shut up Winchester, where are you two staying?” Looking at Dean in the mirror you rested back on Sam’s chest in a new position.

“A motel about 40 minutes out from the hospital, actually it’s an hour out, Dean sped when he got the call,” Sam laughed.

“You both have clothes?” You asked.

“Yeah we’re wearing them,” Dean smirked.

“Did you leave anything in the motel?”

“Erm, no actually,” Sam added.

“Stay with me and Derek then, if you’re sure you didn’t leave anything you can stay tonight.”

“No! We’re fine in the motel.” Dean built up a defence instantly.

“Dean it’s going to be late by the time we get to mine, then another hour before you get back to the motel.” You insisted, you knew this was a bad idea, there was no way this could end well.

“Dean we could just stay the night,” Sam suggested.

Sam’s words were met with a grunt by Dean.

“Well then it’s settled! You’re both staying at mine.”

“I hope you have more than one sofa.” Dean sounded almost bitter.

“You can both have a room.”

“Someone’s fancy.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Dean,” Sam warned.

Shutting your eyes you took a deep breath before opening them again. “It’s your next right, the road is a little rough but you should be okay.”

Everyone sat in silence as Dean turned down the road towards the house Derek had built. The ½ a mile road was rougher in the Impala maybe because Baby’s an older car? or lower down? Either way, you winced as Dean hit each bump and pothole.

As Dean pulled up outside your and Derek’s house a whisper of ‘shit’ and ‘holy fucks’ left Sam and Dean’s lips.

“Here.” Sam held his hands out to help you out of the car, Dean had the bag of your salvageable possessions, which included your busted up handbag and a few files from work.

Unlocking the door with Derek’s keys you were helped over to the sofa as you explained the layout of the house from downstairs.

“Come here.” Dean insisted picking you up bridal style.

When Dean shifted you against his chest you suppressed the scream when you felt a shooting pain roll through you. “No, fuck.” You gasped.

“Shit I forgot about your stitches.”

“It’s okay, just don’t drop me.”

“I won’t,” Dean promised. “Where are we going then?”

“Upstairs.”

“Well then?” Dean winked looking down at you.

“No Dean.” You groaned. Dean carried you up the flight of stairs towards the bedrooms. “Okay so you can put me down now.” You whispered as Dean reached the first room.

“You sure?” Dean asked as Sam appeared upstairs, Dean lowered you to the ground slowly.

“So bathroom, bedroom, study, bedroom, 2 more bedrooms, bathroom and mine and Derek’s room.” You concluded your finger pointed tour with the room closest to them.

“Want a hand?” Sam asked holding you up by your elbow.

“Please.” You whimpered as Sam helped you to your room. “Fuck.” You hissed as Sam’s hand slipped from your elbow making you fall slightly.

“Sammy be careful with her!” Dean snapped he was close behind you both, his hands ghosting over Sam’s.

“Dean I’m fine.” You reassured as you reached the bed. “God I wish I had never gone out.” You groaned resting your head in your hands as Sam helped you lay down.

“At least you’re okay.” Dean smiled as he sat next to you. “This house is amazing.” Dean continued.

“It is.” Sam echoed. “Want a hand getting into bed?”

“Please. Dean, can you get me some water please?”

“Sure.” He spoke before leaving the room.

“Thank….You…” You tried to shout after Dean but your voice cracked, Sam’s head snapped up from the sweatpants he was currently untying the knot of.

“Did I hurt you?” Sam crawled towards your head.

“No.” You whispered as you began to cry, dragging an arm over your face to cover your tears, Sam watched helplessly as you cried, his hand rested on her arm.

“Hey calm down.” Sam soothed as he stroked your hair. “Shh.”

“I…I’m sorry…” You gasped for air through your sobs.

“It’s okay!” Sam smiled down at you. “You’ve been through a lot in the past few days, you need some sleep, let’s get you sorted.” Sam insisted as he began opening a few drawers in the room searching for clean clothes, Dean reappeared with a glass of water in hand. After they’d both helped you change into your pyjamas, they settled you in bed propped up by pillows.

“One of you need to stay with me.” You mumbled through half-shut eyes. “Where’re the painkillers?” You asked shifting in bed wincing in pain with each movement.

“I’ll stay?” Dean offered as he perched at the end of the bed. “Here you can have two of these.” Dean handed you 2 tablets and the glass of water

“Thanks.”

Sam dragged Dean off the bed and from the room before closing the door, leaving you alone. “What the hell are you doing? She’s engaged.” Sam growled.

“Yes Sammy, I know that I’m here for her not me,” Dean argued keeping his voice low.

“Just don’t hurt her Dean,” Sam warned.

Dean opened the door and walked back in, you hadn’t moved from your spot keeping your eyes on the closed door as you listened to the Winchesters argue, giving Dean a little smile.

“What time’s Derek home?” Dean asked.

“Around one in the morning.” You replied with a yawn. “Get in.” You patted the empty bed space next to you in bed, feebly trying to pull back the covers.

“Are you sure, you’re hopped up on painkillers and this is yours and Derek’s bed.” Dean protested.

“Fastest way to know if I’m dying.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Fine.” Your voice was getting quieter.

Dean crawled into bed next to you, your head rested against his arm. “Don’t fall asleep.” You whispered.

“I won’t.”

Dean watched as you took each breath, he watched your chest rise and fall next to him. He watched your eyelids close as you fell asleep. Dean was instantly transported to years ago the nights he spent watching you, making sure you were okay after a hunt.

Yet the one night he realized he loved you everything was different.

He watched as you slept, a hand tucked up under your cheek, your knee touching your elbow as the other leg stretched out on the bed. After the hunt you’d you were visibly beaten and bruised, you all were. Yet you had thrown yourself into the line of fire to save Sam and Dean. As he watched you sleep he soon realised he loved each breath and each bruise.

Years later he watched you sleep once again bruised, yet this time you weren’t with Dean. Dean hadn’t spent every hour of every day with you for the past few months.

Dean once again began to realise with each breath he was falling in love with you.

Part 5

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Forever Taglist - @mega-loser1298 @smalltowndivaj @roxyspearing @emoryhemsworth @dwgrl1903 @cassieraider @mogaruke @heyitscam99 @mouselovesmusic @supernaturaldean67 @atc74 @witchofenoch @malindacath @skathan-omaha @myplaceofthingsilove @ain-t-bovvered @beffyblueeyes @unicorn-sparkles123 @serienjunkiegirl @jchona @polina-93 @supernaturaltakeover @thefangirlliveson @rhochradel @ambeazyyy @juanitadiann @mystriee @amandamdiehl

Dean Taglist - @akshi8278 @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @dramaqueenrolf @shadowysandwichcreator @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @valerieshubin @lisssays @ruprecht0420 @hobby27 @05spn18 @stevieboyharrington @amandamdiehl

The one taglist - @vougebandit @nanie5 @skymoonandstardust @applesugar88 @ciaprincess @iamabeautifulperson18 @darlingimaginethat @disneychic8 @amandamdiehl @lifelovelaughangell123

SPN Pond Taglist- @dr-dean @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @nichelle-my-belle @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @impala-dreamer @deathtonormalcy56 @samsgoddess @spn-fan-girl-173 @deansleather @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname @waywardjoy @imadeangirl-butimsamcurious @kayteonline @supernatural-jackles @wevegotworktodo @jpadjackles @babypieandwhiskey @deantbh @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @chaos-and-the-calm67 @memariana91 @plaidstiel-wormstache @chelsea-winchester @revwinchester @castieltrash1 @supernaturalyobessed @ruined-by-destiel @winchester-writes @maraisabellegrey @winchestersmolder @bennyyh @clueless-gold @winchester-family-business @just-another-winchester @canadianjelly

@mrswhozeewhatsis Taglist Dean - @itsemmyb @ezauraemmaline @charliesbackbitches @crzcorgi @ellen-reincarnated1967 @littlegreenplasticsoldier @gryffindorable713 @deerlululucy @walkingencyclopediaoffandom @growleytria @thegleegeneration @samtomydeanwinchester @sis-tafics @amaranthinecastiel @meganwinchester1999 @kittenofdoomage @samanddeanwinchester67 @ferferelli @iridianuniverse @the-morning-star-falls @ackleslaugh @fangirling-instead-of-working @eyes-of-a-disney-princess @kayteonline @spnsimpleman @mamaimpala @winchesterfiesta @sleep-silent-angel @gadreelsforbiddenfruit @trenchcoats-and-bees @jencharlan @skybinx-blog @thebunkerismyhome @beachy2014 @fandom-book-nerd @tia58 @deansleather @faegal04 @sunriserose1023 @saving-things-hunting-family @winchesterswoonathon @jotink78 @lucifer-in-leather @i-dont-know-how-to-write @everyday-supernatural-af @howmanytuesdaysdidyouhave @babypieandwhiskey @besslincoln-bruh @shelovesallthethings @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish @hexparker @atwistoffate @evilskank-inthemegacoven @there-must-be-a-lock

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skateboardingyatagarasu · 7 years

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1-100 Bitch!! Love ya

I know, 1: is there a boy/girl in your life?Yes and it’s @ankitsukai and I love her2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?The last person who really hurt me was my ex-boyfriend and I will never forgive him.3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”A cat? What else would it be??4: what’s something you really want right now?I want to see @ankitsukai5: are you afraid of falling in love?No way6: do you like the beach?Yes7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?No8: what’s the background on your cell?Secluded beach gif9: name the last four beds you were sat on?I don’t know what this means but the last for beds I’ve been on are my own, my dad’s to watch tv, my mom’s while she was trying to put wire on a picture frame, and the guest bed while @ankitsukai was here10: do you like your phone?Not as much as my first phone11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?No.12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?Technically, it was my mom’s13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?I’ll take both dogs but if I had to pick, I’ll take the Rottweiler14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?Did you know some emotional pain can be felt physically? They both can hurt pretty bad depending on the pain, though I guess I’d say physical because I once was in such pain I thought I was going to die15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?Zoo hands down16: are you tired?Not really17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?I’ve known them since like 4th grade18: are they a relative?Ha, no19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?Not a chance in hell20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?Talking to her right now21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?I’m pretty sure I have the right person and I would love to get married to her, I just want to be a little older and not 24 to get married22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?I would like to kiss her at all times23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?None24: is there a certain quote you live by? “Blood is sound, sounds are words, and words are power.”“The one who keeps his head in the fight is the one who emerges victorious.” (when in a fight, don’t let yourself get clouded by emotion, keep your mind clear and focus on what you’re doing)“Pah! It’s only as complicated as you choose to make it. Was the old woman happy? Unhappy? Who can say. One can never know for true. You simply make your best attempt and move on.” (you do your best to make yourself happy and continue on in life)“I don’t like you… And I want nothing to do you you! Besides, I have my companions. Of course, they’re weak, and they whine when I leave— It’s almost too much trouble… But they are my friends! I shall fight by their side. Now…and forever!” (my friends aren’t weak, but no one messes with them and I will be loyal to no end)25: what’s on your mind?Life in general26: do you have any tattoos?I don’t27: what is your favorite color?Red and Blue28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?When @ankitsukai comes up in the summer29: who are you texting?The last person I texted was my Aunte30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?I have kissed her on the couch many times31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?It’s hard to tell, its possible, if it did I can’t remember, but I get the feeling often32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?I have a few, yes33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?I know someone who has feelings for me34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?@ankitsukai does35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?Well if @ankitsukai was kissing someone else, I’d have to go beat that person up because she’s my significant other36: were you single on valentines day?No I wasn’t37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?Yes and we are dating38: what do your friends call you?Red, Weiss, Keith mostly39: has anyone upset you in the last week?My dad did40: have you ever cried over a text?Cried? No. Freaked out? Yes41: where’s your last bruise located?It was on my leg, I currently don’t have one42: what is it from?I don’t know43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?It’s been a while, so I don’t remember it that well44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?My mom45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?Yes, they are my boots.46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?I wear hats every time I go out unless I’m wearing a hoodie47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?Not a chance48: do you make supper for your family?No49: does your bedroom have a door?Yes50: top 3 web-pages?Like the sites I visit the most? That’d be tumblr, youtube, and rabb.it, unless you mean the ones Iike the most, which would be cafemovie.me, netflix, kissanime.ru51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?Yes, it is myself52: does anything on your body hurt?My stomach53: are goodbyes hard for you?Depends on the situation (i.e, going home from a friend, @ankitsukai going home, death) and who I’m saying goodbye to54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?Water55: how is your hair?Soft and clean56: what do you usually do first in the morning?Answer any messages I have57: do you think two people can last forever?Yea I think they can58: think back to january 2007, were you single?I was 14, so I either was just starting to get my first girlfriend or I was alone59: green or purple grapes?I like both60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?That’ll be whenever I see @ankitsukai and @shiromori-no-kirien in the summer, unless I see an internet friend before them somehow61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?I wish I was myself without stomach pain62: when will be the next time you text someone?Probably later today63: where will you be 5 hours from now?Hopefully sleeping in bed64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.It’s 5am right now, I don’t know what I’ll be doing in three hours, but I hope it’ll be sleeping65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?My significant other @ankitsukai66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?I can smile just by thinking about @ankitsukai. Though @chibiakari @naklin-jwoong @apola-chan @rosewaltz @cara-deer @dirkaeus @jinny-the-kisaragi @duskmateria @shiromori-no-kirien moon and Shannon can all make me smile as well67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?I’ll probably hug my Aunte and Uncle when I see them later68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?I haven’t slept yet69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Yes, but that’s life sometimes70: how many windows are open on your computer?By windows you mean like chrome and skype right? Then it’d be I guess five? Do the volume mixer and sticky note even count as windows? If not then three. Unless you mean like chrome tabs? Then it’s 3571: how many fingers do you have?I have ten72: what is your ringtone?You know the laser gun sound effect conversation from the first season of Voltron Legendary Defender? It’s that entire conversation73: how old will you be in 5 months?I will still be 2474: where is your mum right now?In her apartment75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?Because they left me76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?I haven’t77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?Most of them, three of them I had gotten just last summer78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?I’m not sure what year 7 is, is this like 6th or 7th grade? If so, then I didn’t like anyone79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?I don’t know an actual person named Mike but I do know Mike Wazowski80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?Yes I have and I like it very much81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?Liked is in romantically? Then it’s just @ankitsukai. Or liked as in platonic friendship? Then it’s all my friends who are the people I listed int he smile question82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?No83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?I hope so, I always want to talk to her84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?I’m not sure what this means, but please don’t drink and drive. Also I wouldn’t do that, I’m already with the best looking person.85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?Yes I would because I care about her health. Don’t do drugs, cara mia.86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?@ankitsukai having diner food here for the first time, also saw The Shape of Water and got embarrassed in the first moments of the movie and couldn’t look at the screen87: who was your last received call from?Spam number88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?No, I’m not a monster89: what is something you wish you had more of?More knowledge of space, and plants, just a lot of plants90: have you ever trusted someone too much?I have once. They’re not in my life anymore. I will never forgive them.91: do you sleep with your window open?Sometimes I do92: do you get along with girls?A few of my friends are girls and so is my significant other, so I’d say yes93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?No94: does sex mean love?Love is love and sex is sex. Sex isn’t love. After all people fuck all the time without emotion. Love is something that fills you up in your soul starting with the heart, at least that’s how I feel it.95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?That isn’t a problem at all. 96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?Nope97: did you sleep alone this week?Yea, I’ve been sleeping alone since @ankitsukai went home98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?I have many people that make me happy, check the list of people who make me smile99: do you believe in love at first sight?Some people might experience it100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?My dad’s friend Kristin while she was high and kinda drunk.

#ooc

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astrology-addict · 7 years

Note

1-100

Oh boy, here goes! So this is for everybody else too...

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? Yes2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? Hmm no (Scorpio Mars here)3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” Anime girls who say “meow” in normal conversations 4: What’s something you really want right now? To not have to go to work today!5: Are you afraid of falling in love? Not particularly6: Do you like the beach? I like swimming at the beach, but I HATE the sand!7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Yes8: What’s the background on your cell? A photo of the Boyfriend9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? Mine, The Boyfriend’s, my sister’s, and probably the guest bed at The Boyfriend’s house10: Do you like your phone? It’s fine. I would get a more updated model just for a better camera though11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? Not at all hahaha!12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? The girl who ran this program I was doing this Spring13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? Poodle haha14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Physical, for me at least (Gemini moon here)15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Art museum!16: Are you tired? Yes, I just woke up!17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? 1st as in 1st alphabetically? I knew her starting freshman year of HS18: Are they a relative? Nope19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Nooooooooo20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? I texted him about 5 seconds ago21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? Yes!22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes!23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None, but I usually wear two bracelets + a watch24: Is there a certain quote you live by? Not really lol25: What’s on your mind? I’m only a quarter done with these questions?26: Do you have any tattoos? Nope!27: What is your favorite color? Maroon28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? Probably this evening29: Who are you texting? The Boyfriend30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? Yes31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? Yup32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yesss33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Yup34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yess35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? I’d be pissed hahahaha36: Were you single on Valentines Day? Nope37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? Yesss38: What do your friends call you? Lara!39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? Yess40: Have you ever cried over a text? Probably41: Where’s your last bruise located? My wrist42: What is it from? Oh good lord... um... from being tied down...43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Probably my last meeting at work44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? The Boyfriend45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? My black leather ankle boots46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? Nooooo47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? NOOO48: Do you make supper for your family? Yes!49: Does your bedroom have a door? Umm yes?50: Top 3 web-pages? Tumblr, Facebook, and my college’s website51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? I don’t think so actually52: Does anything on your body hurt? I have an itch on my ankle haha53: Are goodbyes hard for you? Yess54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? I don’t remember!55: How is your hair? I just woke up -- so bad56: What do you usually do first in the morning? Check my phone57: Do you think two people can last forever? Yes totally!58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? I was in the 4th grade -- so yes59: Green or purple grapes? Green!60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? Last night61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Not particularly62: When will be the next time you text someone? Probably in a few minutes63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? Driving from one job to another64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. Sleeeeeping65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Probably The Boyfriend66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? The Boyfriend67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? Not yet!68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? No idea haha69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Yessssss70: How many windows are open on your computer? Usually about 10000, but just one rn71: How many fingers do you have? Ten72: What is your ringtone? Just the default one -- like the Tmobile theme73: How old will you be in 5 months? 20!!!!!!!!!!!74: Where is your Mum right now? Working out. She literally gets up at 5am every morning and works out until 10am. And I’m just like a fat sack75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? Well, he’s gay76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? Yess77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? Most of them!78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? 7th grade? Yes. The gay guy. 79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? Yup80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Yesss81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? Uno82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? Yess83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? Yess84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? The Boyfriend probably hahaha! But I wouldn’t ever do that. *finger guns* Say no to catcalling!85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? A great deal86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? I honestly can’t remember the last time I went to see a movie at a theatre hahaha!87: Who was your last received call from? The Boyfriend88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? NO OH GOD NO. Maybe if it was dead89: What is something you wish you had more of? TIME90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? Oh good lord yes91: Do you sleep with your window open? Sometimes92: Do you get along with girls? I wish I got along better with them!93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? I don’t think so94: Does sex mean love? No95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? Lol no96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? Oh yikes no97: Did you sleep alone this week? Yesss98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? Um yes99: Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? The Boyfriend

#anonymous #answered

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artificialqueens · 8 years

Text

New Man Pt. 2 - Fucking Awful.

A/N: THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR KIND FEEDBACK! I am so appreciative that you took the time to read Part 1 of “New Man” and glad to hear you enjoyed it. You all make my little Grinch heart grow 10 sizes.

Here is Part 2 – I know I promised fluff and happiness, but the story took me in a different direction for this chapter. That said, this is Part 2/?? and if you bear with my I promise to take you to the Promised Land of kisses and glitter. Darkness before the dawn, right?

A good chunk of this is flashback/Roy recounting how we got here, so not as much forward movement as background. Hope you don’t mind some heavy-handed exposition…

Last 2 things – I’m seeing what happens if I switch into Roy’s POV, because I like the narrative structure flipping back and forth between the 2. Would love to get feedback on that, and happy to adapt the structure to one POV or the other if you have strong feelings. AND THIS IS A LONG ONE, sorry if 3K words is brutal.

Thanks for readying, y’all are the real MVPs.

This was going really fucking great.

That was the only thing running through Roy’s mind as he felt Danny smile underneath his kiss. In the 4 hours he’d been in Seattle he thought he had totally screwed up his plan, but somehow things had gotten back on track. Clearly this was meant to –

And then Danny broke away. Suddenly, roughly. Ripping is lips away and pushing off with surprising force. Roy stumbled back a few paces as both men caught their breath.

“No. This is…you’re…no.” Danny picked up the lighter he’d dropped in the heat of the moment, still muttering to himself just low enough that Roy couldn’t hear. Then he grabbed Roy by the forearm and dragged him back into the bar – again, sudden and rough. Roy couldn’t help but giggle just a tiny bit, thinking how ridiculous Danny must look hauling a 40-year-old man off like a misbehaving toddler.

“This isn’t funny, man. What was…ugh!” Throwing his hands off dramatically, Danny let go and continued back to their friends. Shit, the kid was really frustrated and probably even a little mad. Roy steeled himself from the drunken giggles, rejoining the table a few seconds behind.

He was thankful that the crew didn’t acknowledge anything that had just happened – the benefit of drunk friends, amiright? Roy eased back into the group conversation, light chatter about who totally saw the ending coming on Westworld or what memes would make the best protest t-shirts. He took every opportunity to steal an unnoticed look at Danny, who was half participating in the discussion and half furiously clicking at his phone. In his cross-faded fog, Roy couldn’t tell what the kid was doing. Grindr? Writing a novel? Playing Bejeweled – that was still a thing, right?

His stealth staring mission was clearly a failure, though, evidenced by the sharp kick of Jinkx’s boot on his shin.

“OH what the fuck Jinkx?!” Curiosity became shooting pain as Roy clutched for his leg underneath the table.

“Sorry Roy, clumsy as ever! Let me grab you a drink, dull the pain. Come with me to the bar?” The redhead emphasized the last request with Uzo Aduba-level crazy eyes. This was not a request, and while Jinkx didn’t intimidate Roy he was too fuzzy to fight.

“Sure, queen. Somebody has to make sure you don’t drop the booze.” Oof, his snapbacks were weak tonight. The two left the table and headed to see Todd at the bar.

“I’ll take a –“

“Oh no, you’ll have a water. Todd, water for Bianca del Drunko. I’ll take a few shots of Jack for the table, and Ginger backs.” Roy pouted and raised an eyebrow, sorting through his Rolodex of Hate for a quippy insult about ginger and redheads and minj, but finding his speed dulled a bit by the smoke and alcohol.

Jinkx turned back to him. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you right now but get it together. Jesus, del Rio, you’re supposed to be the mature one. The rest of us get to fuck things up. Just drink your water and mellow out for a minute.” The redhead knew about Roy’s plan, his oh-so-secret plan to use this weekend to woo Danny, and could tell he was putting it at risk.

“Alright, alright Jinkx. Don’t get so worked up you fall asleep on me.”

The joke fell flat. “You can do better than that.”

“Damn straight I can. You –“

For what had to be the millionth time that night, Roy was interrupted. This time by his phone, pinging with a text – from Danny. Roy looked over to the table to see what was going on, but all he saw was the kid deep in conversation and finally ignoring his phone. Roy swiped to open…

Danny: What the hell, Roy? I know we haven’t gotten to see much of each other since I moved up here, but something is different about you and it’s really fucked. You’ve been acting like a bit of a cunt the last few weeks, you hardly call me or Shane or even your mom anymore, and now you’re here doing everything you can to cheat on your boyfriend? With strangers, with me…This isn’t you, and if it is then I’m not sure I know you anymore.

Roy scanned the text eight more times before throwing his phone down on the bar. Jinkx didn’t flinch, too occupied flirting with one of the cute bartenders. Seizing the moment, Roy grabbed the three shots of Jack the guy had poured and knocked them back in quick succession. It wasn’t until the slam of the last shot glass onto the bar that the redhead looked up, just in time to see Roy storming for the exit.

As he stood out on the curb, trying desperately to get an Uber with his now smashed up phone, there was only one thing running through Roy’s mind:

This was going really fucking awful.

—

Roy woke up suddenly, eyes snapping open to his unfamiliar hotel room lit by dawn creeping through haphazardly closed curtains. He rolled over to look at the clock – 5:12am. It figures, Roy was never one to sleep off a night of drinking. While most people spent the next day wrapped in blankets and sleeping like a rock until at least 11am, he always seemed to be yanked out of slumber after only a few hours of restless shut-eye. Sometime between 5am and 6am he would be awake, mind reeling and trying unsuccessfully to will himself back to sleep until the headache went away.

This morning was no different – only the pain was so, so much worse. Sure, he used three shots of whiskey to put an exclamation mark on a night of heavy drinking, but the pain that was nagging him most was emotional. Roy grabbed for his phone – oh right, it was smashed to shit by angry Bianca last night – and re-read Danny’s text. He was hit by a sudden wave of nausea, a feeling that made him want to cry as it made him want to vomit. He grabbed a bottle of water from the minibar, charge be damned, and chugged the whole thing has he tried to figure out how the hell he had screwed this up so badly.

—

His plan was never *simple*, but that wouldn’t be Roy’s style. As Bob had frequently told him, he was a “lover of complexity” and couldn’t help himself. The plan to woo Danny was no different.

To say he cooked this up when he caught Sky sleeping with one of his personal training clients 2 weeks ago was only half right. Roy had actually planned to spend the three months off between the US and UK legs of Not Today Satan to finally make a play for Danny, but bitch moved to Seattle before he could make any of the many grand gestures he’d cooked up. In the first few weeks after Danny left, when the kid’s social media had been flooded with posts about how much he loved Seattle and the people, Roy hit a real low point. Jealous, exhausted, and feeling quite sorry for himself, he met Sky in a bar and hooked up with him a few times before falling into an effortless relationship.

Effortless not in the good sense of the word, though; effortless in the sense that Roy put in literally no effort, and didn’t care to make it work. The guy was named SKY after all – Roy could barely believe he’d been able to fuck a guy named Sky for 2 whole months, but he supposed the abs helped. Sky was just a nice distraction, a pretty shiny toy to brag about when he needed to overcompensate in conversations with Danny and Shane…which had quickly become all the time. He learned a hot, rich boyfriend is a great way to deflect questions about himself or his wellbeing. The new man, combined with dialing the bitchiness up to 11, was like armor; helpful in denying to himself and the outside world that he was not in a good place.

But when Roy walked in on Sky with his 2pm-Tuesdays balls deep in his ass, he resolved that even in his lowest moments he had the self-respect not to date a cheater. So he cut if off with Sky and 20 minutes later booked a 2 week trip to Seattle. Time to put the Noriega-Haylock plan back in action, for the thousandth time in 4 years.

This time, Roy would show Danny how perfect and the right kind of effortless they could be. He would breeze into town – but let’s be real, Roy never breezes – and seamlessly integrate himself into the Seattle version of Danny’s life. He would meet the new friends, support him at all his local shows, become a member at the EMP…hell he’d even buy a few flannels and a beanie. At the same time, Roy would make his feelings for Danny abundantly clear. He was confident that Danny reciprocated them; he knew it in his heart, but he also knew because Danny had told him on more than one occasion. Three times over the course of their friendship Danny had been the fearless one and professed his love for Roy. Ok, so maybe fearless is the wrong word – the drunk and cross-faded one may be a more apt description – but the point was that Roy knew Danny wanted this as much as he did. He felt it in his soul, his mind, every fiber of his body. Now it was time to make it real.

After booking the flights, he called Dela to layout his plan. He knew he needed a confidante in this, and it wouldn’t be fair to Shane to put him in the middle of this.

“B, I’m really glad you’re finally taking the plunge with Danny. It’s been too long coming. But you realize you have 2 big problems, right?” Ben was his always-enthusiastic self, but had some concerns. “You still aren’t solving the long-distance and time problem you’ve always been worried about.”

“We’ll find a way to work through it. I have to stop using that as an excuse to not give this a chance.”

“Very big of you, and I agree. But, uh, the second thing – don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Well, funny story – no. That was always a waste of my time – c’mon, his name was SKY – and I caught him getting fucked by a bear about an hour ago.”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry! Are you ok? Are you alone?” Ben launched into caregiver mode, instantly making Roy uncomfortable.

“No, Ben I’m really fine. It was not –“

“I know Michelle’s in town, she’s always my breakup guru, maybe you should –“

Fuck. Roy realized a major problem. If he announced to his friends (and social media, shit) that he and his new man had broken up, his life would become an endless barrage of sympathy. Everything he’d done to ward off questions about the bags under his tired eyes, the increasingly infrequent and short calls to friends and family, and the mess in his usually tidy life would crumble. Roy couldn’t have that – he was fine, he was the caretaker for everyone else, and he couldn’t stand people to fuss over his well-being.

It was in that moment that he made the decision that made the plan *complex* - “Ben, stop. I’m fine, really I’m ok. Peachy fucking keen. But can I ask one favor of you? One tiny thing and I’ll name my next dog after you?”

“Anything, dear.”

“Do not – and I repeat, do NOT – tell anyone that Sky and I broke up.”

“What?” Ben was confused, understandably.

“I don’t want to deal with all of these conversations about it, and the only person who really needs to know right now is Danny. I’ll tell him in person when I’m in Seattle, please just keep quiet about it until then.”

“I’m not sure that’s the best…”

“Please, Dela. Just let me do this my way?”

After a long pause – “Ok, alright, sure. Let me go on record saying I don’t think that’s a healthy way to handle this.”

“Dually noted, Judge Judy. Thank you, I appreciate it.” Roy hung up with Dela and began crafting his “casual” message to Danny to tell him he’d be in town. Mid-way through the 5th round of editing, his phone rang: Jinkx.

“Hey Jinkx, can I call you back I –“

“Are you an idiot? I mean really, are the blonde wigs affecting your brain?” Jinkx steamrolled him.

“Excuse me?” “Dela is on with me – I know what you’re coming to Seattle to do –“

“Well now it’s to come cut up that bitch Dela’s wigs. I asked you one thing, you little fruit fly –“ “Sorry Roy, I –“

“Don’t apologize, Ben. He was right to tell me, he’s going to be out of town when you get here and someone has to help you not screw this up. I know we can’t talk you out of it, but at least let us try to support you. This is big risk, big reward, and it could – you’re going to need wing-people.”

Roy knew there was no point in fighting. As good natured as Jinkx was, bitch was aggressive. If we wanted to help, goddammit he was going to help. With a sigh – “Ok, you’re in on this. Great. But please let me handle this they way I want to – I need to. Danny and I are endgame to a long, long story and I have to do this the way I feel is right. If this gets out beyond the two of you, I will call Darienne and Roxxxy so that those shady elephants can trample you. Is that clear?”

“Sure, whatever you say.” Jinkx scoffed.

Ben soothed. “What Jinkx means to say, Roy, is we are here for you and support you. We are so happy you’re finally going after what we’ve all seen for years.”

“Yes, all that.” Jinkx reassured. “And I promise I won’t let you fuck it up.”

Roy laughed. “Gee, thanks.” Now, with less sarcasm – “I do actually appreciate it. But I think I got this.”

It was Jinkx’s turn for sarcasm. “Uh huh, sure.”

—

It did not bring Roy any joy to have proven Jinkx right. Again, he felt nauseous.

He had basically blown his chance with Danny on the first night but if he was being honest the mistakes started long before. The sexting. See, Roy refused to tell anyone else – not Shane, not Detox, nobody – about his breakup with Sky. That meant a lot of nights alone before his trip to Seattle, pretending to be busy to avoid having to be avoidant. That also meant a lot of solo wine nights, which somehow quickly devolved into sending dirty texts – so, so many dirty texts – to Danny. Now that he was committing to his pursuit, the fact that his every sexual fantasy had the same male lead was not something Drunk Roy felt the need to hide. At some point every night, his filter would disappear and he’d send Danny a (he thought) beautifully written description of the patterns he wanted to draw across his body with his tongue, the ways in which he wanted to tie up and be tied, the rhythms he wanted to pound into him, etc.

That Danny did not respond to these texts or bring them up in their regular conversations was a little confusing to Roy, but he was glad for it. He figured Danny just read them when he was equally pissed drunk – he knew he deleted messages as he read them – and forgot about it. At least that’s what he hoped, so that there could be some element of surprise in his plan. But seeing Danny’s reaction to the kiss and everything after, Roy understood he was wrong. It seemed like Danny was actually mad about it – not a reaction he had expected.

And then there was the bar – for that, Roy couldn’t muster an explanation or an excuse. He knew that he did this. During times of high anxiety and stress, Roy makes terrible decisions when he drinks. He tried for years to understand how or why, but for some reason worry plus whiskey turns him into a bad idea machine. This wasn’t the first time the same combination ended with him lip-locked (or worse) with a stranger that he later regretted. He should’ve just kept it low-key last night, not drinking much if at all so that he could play it cool with Danny. But nerves got the best of Roy, and from the moment he got on the plane he’d been building a buzz. By the time he got to the bar he was browning out, and he barely remembered how he ended up cuddled up with this random guy.

It wasn’t until Danny started singing that damn song that Roy realized what was going on. Immediately he was horrified – it looked like he was cheating on his boyfriend. Not only did he ignore the love of his life when he had flown to Seattle to see him, but he also appeared to be committing Danny’s #1 cardinal unforgivable sin. He immediately stood up and left the stranger’s table, and rejoined his so-called friends – What the fuck, why didn’t Jinkx stop him? What kind of wing-person was that? Roy sat for a few minutes, half seething and half feeling like he was actually going to die of embarrassment and sadness. When he saw Danny get up to leave, he jumped at the chance to catch him outside and apologize.

And yet – again, with the good ideas from Drunk Roy – instead of apologizing he found himself aggressively accosting Danny before going in for the kiss he’d dreamed about for years. And for just a few seconds, Roy thought everything was going to be ok. He thought that despite all his mistakes today, the last two weeks, the last few years…he thought he’d finally gotten it right. But we all saw how that ended…

—

Finished with a second bottle of water now, Roy emerged from his self reflective daze. He stared at the text from Danny hoping against all hope that he would feel better and last night could be erased and that he could save him and Danny. But when he looked down at the message for the thousandth time, he had to choke back searing tears.

I’m not sure I know you anymore.

“Sometimes I don’t think I know me anymore either, kid.” He muttered. He rifled through is bag to find some Benadryl – the only way he can sleep some days – and popped two of the pink pills before rolling back to bed. “But I’ll make this right. God and Joan Rivers help me, we’re gonna do this.”

Roy couldn’t fix anything now, so at least he could try to sleep.

—

[End of Part 2]

#bianca del rio #adore delano #jinkx monsoon #bendelacreme #biadore #angst #tw cheating #tw depression #rpdr fanfiction #submission #new man #fucking awful #canon compliant

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but-ur-not-mine · 7 years

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Okay so rant about my dear fantastic Valborg that honestly topped all other years ever. We started off at Camilla's house where we made tacos and talked and talked and it was cozy as always. At first the thought was that me & carro was gonna go to Uppsala for Valborg but she realised she worked all day so we skipped that and I suggested we'd go to this club called Sommar instead bc a few other friends were going. Time got closer where we had to go & Carro did not at all wanna go but I literally dragged her after waiting another 30 minutes. The whole club was a bit messy in the beginning bc it was free entrance but they didn't let ppl in etc etc but we got in eventually after joining Rebecca and Paula who had been queuing for like an hour. So we got in left our stuff, I bought a drink for me & carro bc I promised her one to convince her to go. We sat and talked for a while bc there was no one inside bc of the messy system so we waited for ppl to be let in. Then we got up to dance at this quite empty dancefloor but it was too cold to be out so we stayed there and danced and had fun. Then all of a sudden I fucking see a well known silhouette walking in and I literally freeze. I turn to Carro, literally scream IS THAT HÅRET nO WAY and she turns around and I point at them. We laugh our asses off bc wHAT are the chances of them being there I mean I haven't seen that boy since last June. Carro then dragged me the way they were going (bathrooms and wardrobe) and we got in line to the bathrooms and saw it was freaking really them. Later back at the dancefloor we joined our friends, and all of a sudden I see them (Niklas, Emil, Oskar, Saga, Jacob) dancing not too far away from us and I was surprised to see Jacob bc I kinda half know him (aka met him 2/3 times out w friends before). And I honestly don't know how but they came closer to us and ended up joining our dancing circle and after that it was kinda on off all night dancing with them, like at least one of their crew was always with us and they other went and came back a few times. God my mind was spinning bc me 1 year ago would've been on the floor in disbelief of this ever happening. A long time they left the floor and we too a little later bc it was getting sweaty af. We took air and landed on a bench, seeing they sat just around the counter. Then Anna came up to us (another friend she joined us sometime in the beginning I forgot to mention lmao) and she had been making out with Oskar shortly and apparently she was sitting with them and came up to me & Carro and asked if we wanted to join for an after party. I asked where and with who ANd it was with all the babes and I did not fucking think a second though. Though I had to find Rebecca and Paula bc I was supposed to go home with them bc we live at the same place so I went to find them and we asked them if they wanted to join but they said no even tho I tried to convince them. Anyways they left shortly after and we other sat and talked for a while and it was all nice and lovely and Oskar gave me & Carro a drink bc he accidentally got 2 lmao. That caused Nicklaus to borrow Carro his gloves bc cold but then I stole them bc I was holding the drunk and I have no blood circulation in my hands. A bit later we went in to dance a little more go heat up. Me Carro and Oskar got up on this kinda scene thingy and danced and god I had so much fun this whole night. Maybe at 2:30 we decided to head to Oskar's apartment and we twisted around deciding if we were gonna take a taxi or walk or bus. On the way Niklas gave me his gloves and I took his hand feeling it was freezing too and I said "but omg you're freezing keep them in fine" but he insisted and gave me them and gosh he's an angel and I thanked him very much. Eventually we got there after me seeing a poster to the 1975 screaming about them once again as I always do while drunk. We got in and sat down around the table where they all had been earlier that night drinking before the club. I had brought out my disposable camera and Emil was so terribly fascinated by it saying over and over again he hasn't seen one since he was a kid. I said "of course I have one" "what do you mean 'of course' who has these things???" And I just laughed and showed him how to do it and he literally went on and on photographing he took at least 10 photos and fuck my life I've never been so excited to see a couple of pictures before. I know he took at least one of us all selfie mode (if he managed to frame it who knows) and one of Niklas flexing lmao. Meanwhile the Carro Anna and Oskar had gone up to get drinks so I said to Emil you're in charge of this camera & I went to get a drink. Oskar was so kind offering us all this not minding we drunk his wine or anything what a sweetheart. Then all night we played this game where someone says a statement and everyone has to point at the person they think the statement is most suitable for. It was very fun and one of the statements was "who's the shyest" and ducking guess what everyone pointed at me hahah what do you expect, I said well cheers to that and drunk the rest of what was left in my glass, I mean they're not wrong. And ugh can I just say that they all were so sincere and sweet and genuinely kind. Like on all the questions like "who's the cutest/prettiest/most good looking in here" he said "but... that's up to each and every person themselves, it's subjective you're all cute" AND MY HEART MELTED. I did fucking not expect him to be like this, I didn't think any of them would be this kind and funny and lovely. Also one question was "whos the most romantic" and all friends pointed at Niklas saying he's the most romantic person ever, once again killing me. Also one question was "who's most single" and that caused Emil & Oskar to say well I know at least Niklas for sure is the only one of us in a relation rn" and this was literally like stabs in my heart fuckk but honestly it's fine. His fucking genuinely brilliant personality makes me honestly just wish him to be happy and I hope he has an equally brilliant girlfriend, even if it kills me it's not me. After idk 1,5h we moved to the sofas and played music and Anna got the control once and I told her PLAY GOOD MUSIC and she played somebody else and that was the que for my ranting about my babes and Saga apparently also liked them since fall 2016 and her mind was blown when I said I'd liked them since 2013. And we ranted over Gröna Lund and the fucked Europe tour and the guys were so wowed when I said I'm flying to Munich to see them too. And Carro tried "but why see them several times it's the same thing all over again" and lmao that made me go on and on you can guess it. Never shutting up about my music. Time passed and at around 4:30 maybe Niklas crashed down in one of the sofas and slept the rest of the night. That was the que for the rest of us to find somewhere to sleep too and maybe around 5am we were all asleep. Fast forward to 7:35 I wake up clear as a day and I cannot believe my mind. Staring up at the ceiling and I can't help but smile at everything. Saga sneaks out the door at around 8:20 and me being the only one awake waved goodbye to her. I had to take the train that left 9:19 and I woke up Carro so we'd leave together. We gathered our stuff and just as we were about to open the door and I catch Niklas laying in the sofa looking at us. I smile at him and wave goodbye and he does the same, smiling back. And I swear. I swear I will never forget his messy bed hair and sleepy smile as we waved goodbye this morning. My little poor heart. Me and Carro left and was met by this sudden warmth outside, a warmth I haven't felt in months. And I don't know if it was last night or the weather or Carro next to me or everything all at once, but as we were waltzing down the sun drenched sleepy streets of Stockholm I could do nothing but smile at the world. It's stupid how something that insignificant can make me so insanely happy. Maybe I was still a little drunk or just drunk on happiness, but this was truly one of the best nights in a a long long time.

#personal #håret #this is so messy written but idec enjoy my happiness #I love them all so terribly much #the funny thing is I don't have any of their social media or anything so no way to contact them #it's fine tho it kinda feels more real this way #no online barriers just real life interactions #expect an update when I get my 35mms back

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datingadviceonreddit · 5 years

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Hi everyone. I rarely post, but this one is gonna be a long one, check the tldr if you prefer.So, context: 3 weeks ago, on a friday afternoon, I (25/M) am hanging out with a friend in a park, when I notice these two girls sitting down not too far. I actually notice one of the two in particular. I can tell even from the distance (roughly 20m, maybe?) that she's beautiful. More than that, she's glowing and radiating. I tell my friend about it, and she tells me "well, what are you waiting for? Go talk to her."Just so you understand, I only had 2 relationships in my life, one being in high school, the other long distance, neither lasting more than 4 months, the last one being three years ago. Haven't been actively trying to date since, as I was more focused on just, well, myself. Got a good job, started working out more, getting into piano again, simply trying to find myself (and I think I managed to do that now). Despite that, it would happen from time to time that while I'd be hanging out with some friends, I'd notice a girl and tell either myself or my friends about it, with every time thinking I should go talk to her, never daring to do it.That day it happened again. I spent maybe 2 hours talking with my friend, telling myself "I should go talk to her." But no, can't seem to get the courage to do it. At one point we had to leave, when my friend asked me "So. You gonna talk to her or are you gonna do like every time, walk away and then tell me you should have talked to the girl afterwards?". At that moment it hit me. My brain also told me "if you don't even try, you're just gonna regret it." My friend also told me "I know you don't know what to say, but just say hi, you know? She's not gonna hit you. If you want you can just say that it's me who wants her number. Just start to talk and see how it goes!"And so I went. While I was walking I felt every fiber of my body tensing up. Like, something was wrong, you know ? But I approached the two girls, crouched down so that I'd be at their level, and said... "Huhhh hi. My friend over there told me to tell you that she thinks you're cute." As you probably guessed, my brain sent me signals of "What. Did. You. Do." But then, both of the ladies laughed and the really pretty one said "Hum, thanks?" And from there it was a blur, I couldn't think about what words were leaving my mouth. "Yeah ! And well, actually me too!" Another awkward laugh. I follow up by asking if she'd be up for meeting and maybe get a drink later, and if yes, then why not give her number.2 seconds go by, which seemed to be an eternity. I was getting ready for a "No.", or a "Sorry got a boyfriend", something like that. And then.. "Humm, okay :)". I kept my calm, saying "Okay cool, here's my phone", but while she's typing her number my mind was like "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! SELF-FIVE".Anyway. Thanked her, wished them both a good evening, and left.It takes us three weeks to settle for a date, at the rhythm of one message per person per day (she'd always reply around 11PM, while I usually go to sleep before 10PM, so I'd send a message in the morning). We were supposed to first meet on the 15th (thanks to the public holiday) but she got a change of plans. She did send a message to apologize and say it wasn't a shitty excuse and that she still wanted to meet me, though.Big day arrives (that was last Thursday). I leave work early, we meet at 4.30PM at a Japanese bakery. She never had dorayaki but tries and really likes it. We talk, about everything and anything, our families, sports, movies, even start a little running gag of saying "No judgment today" (because she told me she loved Marvel movies, but didn't like Endgame. I Loved it). At one point we leave and go to a park nearby, enjoying the good weather. We end up sitting in the shade as it was quite hot, near a pond, and talk and keep talking. Video games, studies, high school, world news, the Amazon forest on fire, the Hong Kong protest, whatever, the conversation was just flowing naturally, without rushing or what (we even had a few pauses and moments of silence but it never felt awkward.) Also got a few jokes here and there, from me and from her, we laugh, it's really, just, great.At 7:15PM I ask her if she's hungry, wants to eat something or if she wants to go home. She replies that yeah she's starting to get hungry and would like to have dinner. And so we go to a ramen restaurant that I tried two weeks ago, as she said she loved ramen, but unfortunately there were too many people outside and neither of us wanted to wait an hour. It's a neighborhood I know though, so I suggest a Korean restaurant, since she also said she only ate Korean food once. No luck though, that second place was also full already and with people waiting outside. But I don't give up ! Still got another Korean address in mind. We arrive there, it looks completely full, but no one waiting. So we give it a try, enter, and actually get the last free table right at the back of the restaurant. She tells me she loves the smell and how the plates of the other tables look. And so, since she told me she didn't know much about Korean food, I suggest that we share the meal instead of each ordering his/her own food. She agrees. She never had japchae, soju or makgeolli but enjoys all three (the japchae and the makgeolli in particular). Main course is korean barbecue. During the whole meal we just keep talking, slowly eating, both taking our time. We even had twice a moment when we'd both be eating, look at each other and smile, but not the "hehe i'll smile since I don't want to speak with food in my mouth" smile. More like genuine, enjoying the moment kind of smiles (that's at least how I saw it. To me when people's eyes squint a bit, that's when the smile in genuine and not forced.) At that point I'm thinking "Hey. This is going pretty well." We finish the meal, I take a dessert, and I decide to pay for the restaurant. That wasn't my plan prior to the date, in my mind we would stick to a regular "each pays his/her part". But at that point,- I hypothesized she's maybe 21 or 22 as she told me she was in 3rd year of university- She told me she was working part-time at Starbucks. I got a full-time job with decent salary.- I just really enjoyed the time with herSo, I pay for the restaurant. She's a bit embarrassed, but thanks me. It's already 9PM but we stay and keep talking for another half-hour.When we leave the restaurant, I know I already won't have direct trains to get home. But I couldn't care less about having to walk 30 minutes more, simply because of how much I was enjoying the moment. We take our time to walk back to her subway station. We arrive, and still we're talking. I think maybe after 10 minutes, for her as much as for me it was becoming evident that we knew the date was coming to an end but neither of us really knew how to end it. So, I ask her "So... you had a good night?" She looks at me, smiles a bit, and says "Yeah.. Had a great night" She kept looking at me without saying anything as if she was expecting something; we were maybe a meter apart. That's when my brain went "That's the signal". I take a step forward, and she also takes a step forward, and we're both awkward. I don't know how to act. (Remember, I'm not particularly experienced when it comes to girls, and that was actually my first real date ever). And so, I decide I should just be honest with her. So? I say it. "I don't know what to do". She giggles and replies "I'm embarrassed too".That, was when my brain came back. "Your move, man." I still froze for half a second, but then I lean in, and kiss her. She kisses me back. That was, honestly, the sweetest, most gentle and tender kiss I ever had. My mind went blank for a moment, but! After maybe 5 seconds my brain hit me: "first date man, just a kiss is good, we're not here to make out with the girl". So I stop kissing her. We stay there silent, both smiling and looking at each other. I figure, "That's the moment to say goodbye". So I wish her a good night and also ask if she'd like to meet again. She says yes, walks down the stairs to the subway while still smiling, looking at me.Everything seemed great from that. I remember smiling to myself for no reasons, having a renewed energy despite the fact that I woke up at 5AM. Got home, it was around 11PM. I knew I had to go to sleep, but I also knew there was no way I'd be able to fall asleep in that moment. Got on my piano, practiced for almost an hour and a half, until my wrists hurt. When I got in bed, I remember thinking: "Is that it? When everything goes well, when all the signals are there? Maybe I won't be the Single Guy anymore" (Everyone, absolutely everyone in my close circles of friends/family is in couple, engaged or married.)Of course, the day after, I am less than focused at work. My mind keeps going back to her. I wonder what I should do, I didn't want to seem to be clingy, or insistent. I tell it to my friend, who says she always found that dumb (to wait before telling someone you want to see them again). In the end I decided, you know what, fuck the movies, fuck the "Wait 3 days before asking for a date again". I'll just be honest, with her, and with myself. I truly enjoyed our evening together, and wanted to see her again. So, at 6PM I call her. She doesn't pick up, so I leave her a message: "Hi. I just had to tell you I really enjoyed it yesterday, and I'd like to see you again. Have a nice day". Clear, simple, brief. (didn't go that smoothly in fact, but you get the idea.)I get an answer. 2 hours and a half later, she sends me a text: "Hey :) Sorry I can't call you back right now I'm with my family but I just listened to your message. It's very gentle of you, I had a great night yesterday and you're very kind. It's just that I don't want it to go further, sorry."At that moment I'm at a party with my coworkers. You can probably guess how I took it. The emotional rollercoaster had, let's say, a negative impact of my alcohol intake during that night.And so, that's it. I replied to her politely, saying it was a pity as I thought we had a thing, and wishing her good night. But I'm at a loss right now. I just don't understand, given how the date went. I mean, she wouldn't have kissed me back if she didn't want to, would she? I don't remember doing something bad. She wouldn't have stayed for what, 5 hours either if I did. There you go. If anyone could impart their wisdom, advice, opinion or knowledge on dating to a newbie like me, it'd be most welcome. Thank you if you had the patience to read all this. I figured keeping everything in my mind wouldn't have been a good idea, and I actually feel just a liiiittle bit better after writing all this.TL;DR: First date with a wonderful girl, everything went great, ended with a kiss. The day after she says she doesn't want to go further. Me quite sad but mainly me don't understand nothing. Please help. via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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ayeletinthemountains · 6 years

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Thunderbolt to Sill, plus Mount Agassiz

8/17/18 - 8/19/18

This was a big one. Leo and I first talked about Thunderbolt to Sill, a traverse of five of California’s 14ers, two years ago when we did a 2-week long road trip along the Eastern Sierra ~five months into us dating. I wasn’t a strong climber at the time. Leo wasn’t as much of a slogger and didn’t have as much alpine experience. We rightfully decided the traverse was probably above our pay grade, so decided to save it for another time. We still nabbed Sill via the Swiss Arete, an awesome climb and Leo’s first 14er. I remember being on the summit and staring at the rest of the peaks on the traverse, thinking how nuts it looked.

Now in 2018, in ~February/March, I went on a permit booking spree, dreaming up big goals for the summer, and this was the obvious choice. I booked a permit for a weekend in August and prayed we’d have good weather and that I’d be up to the challenge. As summer came, I got in several long backcountry climbs, from East Buttress on Whitney and Fishhook on Russell, to the Saber Ridge deep in SEKI. In the weeks prior to our Thunderbolt to Sill weekend, I did some long climbs in Canada with my friend Marco which had me feeling strong and in decent shape. The biggest open question (well, aside from all my nerves and self-doubt) was the weather. The Sierra weather had been full of storms all summer, severe enough to damage many trails and even close some roads because of mudslides. We’ve also had really bad smoke for much of the summer, with fires raging all over the state, bad enough to even close Sierra passes. But, as the week came, Leo and I were beyond thankful to see that the storms seemed to stop just days before our trip, giving us a perfect weather window, and the major fires near the Sierra started to be contained.

Thunderbolt to Sill is not something you want to do if there’s any chance of thunderstorms. Well, at least for a mortal like me. In my research, I saw people doing the traverse in as few as three hours. I also saw many trip reports with people bivying in the middle of the ridge, spending a night up there. I really didn’t have a great sense of how long the traverse might take us. It seemed not crazy to think we could do it in as few as 15 hours, but I didn’t want to get cocky and knew we had to be prepared for it to take much longer.

We drove from the bay area to the east entrance of Yosemite Thursday night, sleeping off the side of the road up high. I was happy to have a bit extra acclimatization and to not feel rushed getting to the east side. We worked remotely Friday, finished packing, and slept up near the Buttermilks. It was so warm out that we watch a movie out in the open in the bed of our truck before calling it a night. We set the alarm for 7am and drove up to South Lake to take the Bishop Pass trail. The parking lot was totally full, but we managed to squeeze in on the side of the road, which saved us what would have been an extra mile of road walking.

By the time we were ready to go, the parking lot was bustling with people. It’s always so surprising to be around so many people when you’re headed out to do a remote climb. For our gear for the trip, we tried to keep it pretty minimal. In terms of climbing gear, we brought:

Two Arcteryx climbing harnesses

Moccasym climbing shoes for Leo

Mythos for Ayelet

A 60m 7.5mm half rope

A set of offset nuts (which we didn’t expect to use, but wanted as insurance)

Two cordelettes

Four slings, each with a non-locking carabiner

Two megajul belay devices

Six locking carabiners

Two prusiks (critical because of the very skinny rope)

A spare quick link

A bail knife

Two climbing helmets

Heading off.

We set off on the Bishop Pass trail a bit after 8am. Progress went quickly. Even though I’ve been up this trail five times before already, I still am always in awe of how beautiful this area is. We stopped for a short snack break about halfway to the pass, and then continued up, finding ourselves at the top of the pass just before 11am. Given how early it was, Leo and I decided to tag Mount Agassiz on our way to camp. Mount Agassiz lies just 2k feet above Bishop Pass, right along the route to our basecamp. I had failed at climbing Mount Agassiz twice before. I made the mistake the first time with Leo, when we tried to climb it Memorial Day weekend in 2016 and only left the trailhead at 5am, making it to the snow on Agassiz’s slopes too late in the day. We bailed as were miserably post-holing up the side of the mountain, barely making progress, and storm clouds were coming in. The genius that I am was so enamored with the idea of climbing Agassiz in the snow that I made the exact same mistake, again trying to climb Agassiz over Memorial Day weekend in 2018, once again leaving the car at 5am. Way to go, me.

Views of Agassiz on the approach.

We dropped our packs at Agassiz’s base, putting some food and water into a flashpack I had with me, and started up one of the chutes on Agassiz’s northwest face. Progress goes much faster when you’re able to scramble up class two rock rather than post-holing through melting snow. The base was a bit sandy and loose, but as we got higher up the rock felt more secure. Agassiz is the 21st tallest peak in California, 13,893ft. We both could feel the altitude as we trudged up what we thought was very slowly, but it only took us 1.5 hours from the base to the summit.

Views of our objectives for the next day!

Near the summit, we met another party of two who were also planning to climb something near Mount Goode the next day and did Agassiz as a warm up. It was so nice out that I didn’t even put a layer on at the summit. We took in the views, ate our lunches, and headed back down, making it to our packs by ~2:30pm. I was pretty excited to have already nabbed a bonus peak (particularly one that had been on my grudge list) so early in the trip.

We repacked our packs and started the cross country slog to Thunderbolt Pass, our planned base camp. There isn’t much elevation gain between the base of Agassiz and Thunderbolt Pass, but we contoured along the side of Agassiz so as to not lose elevation. There was still plenty of ups and downs, and the terrain was pretty talus-y at times. Not exactly fun. The pass was only ~1.5mi from Agassiz, but it still took us close to two hours to make it there. About half a mile before the pass, we met a party of four who was camped. They had just climbed Thunderbolt that day and were relaxing in the sun, enjoying the many beers they had lugged up with them. We chatted with them for a little while as we filled water before continuing on our way. They had taken the first chute up Thunderbolt, which is the standard route from Thunderbolt Pass. We had been planning to take the second chute, because we had read some conditions reports that the recent rains had left some huge boulders in precarious spots. They didn’t mention anything about that, which I took note of.

The last bit of slog to Thunderbolt Pass. Ick.

The last half mile to the pass was through a pretty miserable boulder field. I was so happy when we finally made it to the pass and it was over. We had originally planned to camp ~400ft down on the far side of the pass, since that is the nearest water. But we saw there were at least a dozen campsites much higher up near the pass. We made the call to camp near the pass, rather than down near the water, so we wouldn’t have to lug all our gear down there and we could shorten our approach to Thunderbolt in the dark in the morning.

Home sweet home at 12,300ft.

We set up the tent and our sleeping gear, and then headed down to fetch water. We saw a tent near the stream we planned to fill at, and wondered whether we’d see its occupants. Sure enough, as we sat down to fill our containers, they showed up. It seemed to be a guide and a client. They had climbed Polemonium and Sill that day. We pried a bit for beta, getting the guide’s opinion on first chute up Thunderbolt, and one of our possible descent options. The guide said they’d been up the first chute two days before and seemed really casual about it, not mentioning any additional hazards. We thanked him for the beta and slogged back up to camp.

The view of southwest chute #1 from camp.

I hadn’t felt too miserable the first time we arrived at camp, but after this additional short trip, I was really feeling it. As we waited for our dinner to cook, I did a bunch of stretching to hopefully not be too sore for the following day. We ate, went up to the pass to watch the sunset, and then got into bed. I bundled up into all my layers, expecting it to be very cold since we were sleeping above 12k feet. But as the night went on, I periodically woke up too warm and would take one layer off at a time.

Leo chilling at the pass, taking in the sunset. Thunderbolt behind.

We had set the alarm for 4:15am. Around 3:30am, I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep, because I was so nervous about what was to come. This often happens to me before big climbs. For once, it came in handy though. Turns out Leo hadn’t saved the alarm when setting it the night before. I looked at my watch and saw it was 4:18am, and woke Leo. It was time to get going.

We dressed, made breakfast, and put our food in our packs. When I got back to camp after going to the bathroom, Leo told me had a problem: the tube of his water bladder had broken. With no real opportunity to fill water on the whole ridge, having plenty of water with us was non-negotiable. We pulled out some leukotape and taped the opening of the bladder, hoping it would be enough to get through the day.

We put on our headlamps and started towards Thunderbolt. The night before, we decided to switch to the first chute instead of the second, since it was closer to camp, and both parties we’d met had seemed to think it was okay. The chute is only a couple hundred feet from camp, which we definitely appreciated in the dark, so that we wouldn’t get lost. The chute is definitely loose, as advertised. We headed up until we reached the chockstone described in the SummitPost beta. I had misremembered the beta for this section, we lost maybe 15 minutes looking for the class 3 way around the chockstone. Turns out it’s actually ~30 feet below the chockstone on the right, and we had walked right past it. It felt great to be out of the chute on much more solid rock. After a couple hundred feet of gain, we found ourselves back in the loose chute, but it was much easier to stick to solid rock on the sides at this point.

Heading up the chute.

We reached the top of the chute around 7am, feeling the sun on our skin for the first time, always a joyous feeling during an alpine start. We headed up the class 4 climbing (which was cruiser and fun) to get to the base of the summit block. And there we were! At the climbing crux of the day, as I’d seen in so many photos and videos leading up to this trip. The summit block of Thunderbolt is only 15ft tall, but it’s 5.9. And by 5.9 I mean unprotectable fall-and-you-die 5.9. Enter Leo. :) I promise I don’t only bring him around to lead the scary stuff. I also bring him around because he carries the heavy gear.

Leo prepping for the summit block. Summit register bolted at the top!

We pulled out the rope and our climbing shoes. Leo tied one of our cordelettes around a large boulder, to at least keep us attached to the mountain in the event of a fall. Leo sadly took off his shoes and socks, feeling the cold as he put on his climbing shoes. As I belayed him, I remarked, “I wish I could also film this!” Leo said back to me, “You probably could, it’s not like your belay is doing anything.” The whole climb took Leo probably about one minute, and then he was on top! Looking back, I wish I had taken more photos. I just felt like we had to go, go, go all day (which was true), but this is really a unique spot, and we should have taken more time to enjoy it.

My belay finally became useful as I lowered Leo (you’re welcome). It was my turn to have my feet be freezing at 7:30am at 14,000ft. With Leo’s belay assist, I made it to the top more easily than I expected. The climbing isn’t easy, but there were more holds than I had anticipated. One peak down! The register is bolted to the top of the summit block, so I signed for both of us before Leo lowered me back down. We packed up our gear and got ready to go. This was the only time either of us wore our climbing shoes for the whole traverse. Oof.

Me on Thunderbolt. I was in such a rush I forgot to take a cool standing pic. :(

We left the summit of Thunderbolt around 7:40am. The next peak on the traverse is Starlight. We checked the beta we had with us, and started to descend to the notch between the two peaks. We downclimbed what we believe was the fourth class chimney system, until we made it to the slabs. On the slabs, we stopped and took a look at what lay before us, trying to identify the route before we were too up close to it. We crossed the notch and started climbing up, trying as much as possible to stay to the ridge. We came to some giant rock walls, uncertain of where to go. We explored both sides of the ridge, settling on the right side. We walked along some very flat, sidewalk-width rocks on the right side of the ridge, below huge walls to our left. I was convinced this wouldn’t go and we were lost, but Leo managed to find a squeeze-ramp type feature. It was pretty steep, but managed to go. The top of it became a chimney, which was definitely fifth class. After Leo soloed up, he saw a very solid rappel anchor, so he pulled out the rope and belayed me up using the anchor. I was glad to have the rope, and definitely weighted it once while trying to figure out the moves. This was one of two times on the entire traverse that Leo belayed me (aside from the two fifth class summit blocks). From there, we had some more high class scrambling until we reached the milk bottle, the summit block of Starlight.

Looking to Starlight from Thunderbolt.

Descending the slabs just before the notch between the two peaks.

With this summit block only being 5.4, Leo opted to lead it in his approach shoes. We again pulled out the rope, and Leo once again quickly made it to the top. While he climbed, our rope fell off the ledge it had been sitting on maybe 40 ft down a hole between the rocks. I tried to pull it up, but it was caught on something. As Leo chilled out on the summit block, I managed to scramble down and free it. For those two minutes, I was really nervous, uncertain how we’d get down safely without a rope. Thankfully, it was not an issue we had to deal with. I scrambled back up and then lowered Leo back down to the ledge. I also opted to climb this block in approach shoes, and had no trouble (thanks for the tight belay, Leo!). Back down on the ledge, two peaks down, three to go! We started on to the next peak around 9:45am.

Starlight summit success!

From the summit of Starlight, I crawled through a narrow opening along the ridge, while Leo scrambled up and over. We continued along the ridge, trying to find the simplest way down. We eventually came to the notch between Starlight and North Palisade. This notch has a big gap, which isn’t easy to climb or jump. There was a rap station above it, so we pulled out the rope. Leo rappelled first, and had to swing over the gap to the other side before going off rappel. I rappelled next, and had zero grace in trying to get across the gap. I wish a third person had been there to get a video of this, it must have looked so ridiculous. I’d push off the wall, trying to swing across the gap, while Leo pulled me in as hard as he possibly could. This failed the first two or three times, as I could not get my butt or feet or anything on the ledge on the other side of the gap. Finally, with our teamwork, I managed to get across. I also bring Leo around to pull me in after rappels, apparently.

Looking back down at the very awkward rappel from the other side.

We put the rope away and continued scrambling. I think we did not find the easiest way up North Pal, by any means. We scrambled mostly on the left side of the ridge, trying to find a way up. We didn’t have a great view of what was above us, so we couldn’t tell if going up was even the right way to go at times. We eventually found a chimney that exited onto an airy arete. Leo again soloed this, and opted to pull the rope out for me, the second and last time he’d belay me (aside from the two fifth class summit blocks). He slung a huge boulder with a cordelette, and tossed down one end of the rope. I was definitely glad to be on belay for this. It was not something I could have soloed. As Leo coiled the rope, I continued the route finding, down-climbing five feet to get to a squeeze ramp that then led to the summit! This was the only peak of the whole traverse that I summited before Leo, and it was just because I left him with the gear. Thanks Leo!

North Pal summit selfie. 3/5 down!

Sitting on top of North Pal, I was feeling really content. Even if we somehow next got lost and couldn’t finish the traverse, it still felt so cool to have done three new 14ers all in one day. So many people opt to do just one of these peaks in a day: but we didn’t plan on trying for just three, so it was on to the next. We left the summit of North Pal around 11:15am, and found a rap on the south side of the summit. It looked like we could potentially downclimb from here, but we figured we’d just do the rappel. This dropped us into a small bowl that had probably the best bivy sites we’d seen on the entire ridge traverse thus far.

After a bit more downclimbing, we contoured along the ridge, able to stay at the same elevation all the way around the bowl until we fell in-line with the ridge once again. We travered on the left side of the ridge, and then back to the right before finding some more rappel stations. We did four rappels and found ourselves in the U-notch. It was possible that we could have again downclimbed these, but I think we were both happy to get a little rest while rappelling rather than downclimbing. The right side, towards the west, of the U-notch looked like a sandy, miserable chute. I checked it out, knowing this is often used as a descent option to get back to where we had camped. We were still undecided about how we’d come down.

Me route-finding from North Pal to the U-notch.

From the U-notch, the description was pretty spot on. We went up some exposed fourth/low fifth class directly from the top of the notch, traversing right until we reached a ridge once again. Here again there was some more exposed fourth class/low fifth class, but it was short, and we quickly found ourselves on the summit. The fourth peak of the day! And the last new summit for us of the trip.

It was around 1pm as we topped out on Polemonium. We again took another rest as I perused the summit register. I was feeling really beat. The fact that we’d already climbed Sill before left me with very little motivation. Plus, if we climbed Sill, we’d have a much longer slog back to camp. I was entirely open to going back down Polemonium to the U-notch so we could get back to camp early. I even wrote in the register that I didn’t know if we’d continue, and you’d have to climb to Sill to see if we did. But, Leo was not having it. No way was he going to stop at this point, so on to Sill it was.

Looking back from Polemonium to North Pal, Starlight, and Thunderbolt.

Leaving Polemonium, there was some more fourth class to get off the summit and lower down. After five or ten minutes though, we found ourselves moving quickly over class two terrain. It felt nice to be away from exposure and able to move more quickly (despite the fact that the direction we were moving quickly was away from our camp). I was thrilled when we reached the point where we could drop our packs. I finally took off my harness, which I’d been wearing all day. For our last scramble up to the summit, Leo carried my flash pack with some water and snacks, so we could leave the rest of the gear. It felt amazing to scramble without a pack (thanks Leo!). And soon enough, we were on the summit of Sill, traverse completed!

Success!

The ultimate summit selfie. :)

We had read some conditions reports that Sill was currently missing a summit register, which we found to be true. We had brought a nalgene with us, along with a small notebook and two pens, to leave at the summit. We sat down to rest once again while we readied the register. I ate a packet of peanut M&Ms (when you do a traverse of five peaks, which summit do you eat your summit treat on!?) for some easy energy that I could keep down. I was definitely low energy, but I had no zero appetite. We took many celebratory selfies, and eventually I ran out of things I “needed” to do on the summit to delay the impending slog back to camp.

Our six summit register signatures in order from the trip!

We decided to take the long way back around, towards Potluck Pass, rather than re-summiting Polemonium and heading down the U-notch. And so, at 3pm we began our descent. It took just under 30 minutes to make it back to our packs. For this type of terrain, I’m not much faster heading downhill vs uphill, since I’m paranoid of rolling my very weak ankles. We headed south down the bowl between Sill and Polemonium until we reached the bottom, and then headed along the west edge of the bowl. Rather than taking the bottom of the drainage all the way around to Potluck Pass, we cut over the hillside. This saved us some distance, but I suspect it didn’t save us much time.

As we came around the ridge, we had the choice of dropping down to the west, where the drainage becomes flatter, or contouring along the slopes of the Palisades crest to keep our elevation all the way to camp. If we did the former, we’d have a long section of uphill at the end to make it back to camp, which sounded miserable to both of us. So, we opted to contour the entire way. It was a miserable talus slog that we suspect was worse in the end. If I had to do it again, I’d take the low route.

Camp was only a mile away in a straight line, but it took ages to traverse. As we neared camp, Leo so graciously offered to split off, to head down to the water source for us, while I’d continue on to camp. I had absolutely no energy to fetch water, and would have instead made the 2L we had waiting for us at camp work. But, Leo is great like that. We split off to do the last section solo. I knew I had to keep moving, because I’d be mortified if Leo somehow made it back to camp before me. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. I was able to have my gear unpacked and our dinners rehydrating before Leo made it back to camp (though he made it back maybe only 10 mins after me). All in all, from the top of Sill back to camp took us 4hr 45mins. We took essentially zero stops in that time.

We finally turned on our head lamps as we ate our dinner. We had made excellent use of the daylight, and our timing worked out perfectly. Having to do any of the slog back to camp in the dark would have been challenging and miserable. I was in bed at 8:40pm, thrilled about what we’d accomplished. I was so tired, but also so excited about having achieved this goal.

We slept from ~9pm to 6:30am, waking up with the late and not feeling too sore. We leisurely made breakfast and packed up, still being ready to go by 7:40am. It was really nice knowing the most miserable part of the hike out would be the first part, and then it would be behind us. It took us about 2 hrs to get from our camp back to the trail, with no breaks. This was about the same amount of time it had taken us to get to Thunderbolt Pass from the trail. Slow terrain is slow in both directions.

Once we were at the trail, it was a cruiser walk out, though we were both feeling ready to be done by the end. We were back at the car around 11:50am, quickly changed and headed to Bishop for some well-earned celebratory burgers. It’s always nice when you hike out early enough in the day to not feel rushed at all about getting home.

Looking down from Bishop Pass.

All in all, we couldn’t have had better conditions. We spent nearly the whole day of our climb above 14,000 ft, and never wore more than our base-layers after 8am. The air quality was totally fine, and the skies were nothing but clear. We saw no one our whole traverse day except for one person on Sill when we were just leaving Polemonium, very thankful to have no one to drop rocks on us. We were shocked that on such a perfect weekend, there was no one else doing this amazing climb.

Now here’s time for the mushy Leo part. This climb felt so daunting and scary to me, and I wouldn’t have felt comfortable trying it with pretty much anyone other than Leo. When I’m scared, he asks how he can help. He pretty much always knows when I’ll want a belay, always a step ahead of me with the rope. He never makes me feel bad if I’m not comfortable solo-ing the terrain he just cruised up. Not once has he ever complained that I descend talus at least twice as slowly as he does. And when I’m not sure if I have the skills, he reassures me that I can do it. Thank you Leo. Now I can think of the next big slog we can do together. :) End mushiness.

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