#it's a weird mixture of feeling like i haven't changed at all since i was like 12 but also applying and getting into the masters program

[dilvuc]

╰┈ chapter ii. | bonding.

note: i haven't reached fontaine because of inazuma, forgive me for this.

“This is Café Lutece, the main restaurant in the city.” Neuvillette introduced the restaurant to the taller male. [Y] looks up at the sign that reads “Café Lutece” just as Neuvillette says, is it possible to tell Neuvillette that the pyro dragon couldn't read? Nah. He won't notice, right? The hydro dragon led the taller male to a table. Once they were seated at the table, they were handed a menu.

“What's this?” [Y] asked, trying to read the menu. Neuvillette explained, “It's a menu. You just have to choose what you like that is written on the menu.”

The taller male squinted his eyes at the menu before giving it to Neuvillette, “I'll stick with anything with meat.”

“...?” Neuvillette looks at the taller male with confusion, “Do you prefer Barbecue Ribs? Steak Tartare? Or Bulle Sauce Duck Breast?”

[Y] didn't even know that it was on the menu and didn't want to admit that he can't read, so he picked them all, “...I’ll…I’ll take them all.”

“Are you sure?” The hydro dragon tilted his head, staring at the male, who looked away.

“Yes…”

The chief of justice handed the menu to the waitress. That was odd? Why handed him the menu? Was he nervous or something? Maybe he has bad eyesight…? The look on the pyro dragon's face, it tells the hydro dragon what's up.

“Monsieur [Y]...” Neuvillette called, grabbing the taller male's attention. “I only just realized, since this is the first time in your human form…you can't read, can you?”

[Y]’s eyes widened when the hydro dragon caught on what's wrong with him. The pyro dragon stood up and about to leave in embarrassment, but Neuvillette stopped him by grabbing him by the wrist, “Wait.”

“Are you gonna laugh at me because I can't read or write?” [Y] furrowed his eyebrows, feeling his hair lit up to pink flame. It shows signs that he's flustered.

“...No, I'm not gonna laugh at you. It's ok if you can't read or write.” Neuvillette said, allowing the taller male to sit down. “It's understandable since I had a similar experience when I first entered the human society. So, I shall teach you how.”

“...T…thank you…” [Y] mumbled. Neuvillette notices the male's hair turned from pink to bright [c] hair. It is pretty impressive how his hair could change colors, it even captures the interests of the citizens who were walking by.

“Now that we’re waiting. Let us begin our bond.” Neuvillette leaned back slightly against his chair. “But I have a question for you: Your hair can change colors? I have noticed how it changes colors. It's now brighter than before.”

The pyro dragon has a stoic expression, but his hair can easily tell how he feels. The dark-skinned male responded, “It changes based on my emotions. However, this is just a flame that made my hair longer, it'll disappear when it gets wet, but return when it dries up.”

“Change based on your emotions? Interesting…” Neuvillette mumbled. “Also about the “not real hair” part, when it blow out, will you—”

“I'm not gonna go bald. The part that isn't braided is my real hair. They can turn into flame whenever it needs to.” [Y] explained, fiddling with his side loop. “I didn't want to remove it now since my hair is braided. I'll keep it this way.”

“I understand. Your hair…is rather amusing and endearing.” The chief of justice praises the pyro dragon's hair with a soft smile, causing [Y]’s hair to turn into a mixture for some reason. Neuvillette tilted his head, “Oh? What does that mean? It's turned into a rainbow.”

“Sorry, it happens when I'm confused with my emotions.” [Y] apologized, stopping his hair from changing colors. He's confused. Very confused. He has never felt this way. The dark-skinned male has been praised before, but why does this feel different coming from Neuvillette. If the hydro dragon compliments his hair, then he will compliment his hair, but [Y] thought it might be weird if he tried. His hair started changing into rainbow colors again as he thought about how he would compliment Neuvillette’s hair.

“Are you alright?” Neuvillette asked the male. [Y] sighed, “Trying to think of a way to compliment your hair, but now I genuinely can't think of words to compliment your hair. Although, it suits you.”

“Hm?”

“I was almost stunned by you…” the taller male admitted without hesitation. Neuvillette raised his eyebrows, “Stun? And you're saying…?”

“I was stunned by your beauty. When I first saw you again after 400 years, I couldn't help but stare at you during the whole conversation…” [Y] stated, catching the chief of justice by surprise. Is he saying these words without realizing it? He's just that much of an airhead, is he? “...I was able to stare into your eyes for the first time. We rarely make eye contact. Your dark blue-shaded slit eyes. You look more beautiful and pure the moment I see you again—”

The taller male stopped his words realizing that he was talking too much instead of trying to give Neuvillette’s hair a compliment. He groaned, ruffling his rainbow hair, “I've been talking for too long that I've forgotten to compliment your hair…”

The pyro dragon’s pointed ear perked up when he heard a chuckle. He looks over to see the hydro dragon chuckle with soft blush, “What's so funny…?”

“Apologies. I just find you amusing. You are an honest yet confusing gentleman.” Neuvillette smiled fondly. “Have you realized what you just said a second ago?”

.

.

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.

.

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The taller male’s hair bursts into a pink flame when he finally realizes what he says. He held a stoic expression, but his hair had failed to hide his embarrassment. “I see…How embarrassing. I apologize if it comes out uncomfortable.”

“No need to apologize. I think it's quite appealing. Thank you.” Neuvillette blushed.

“What's the deal with water tasting? Can you tell the difference?” [Y] inquired.

“Indeed, I can. Water comes in many flavors to the discerning palate. Mondstadt's water is crisp and pure,” Neuvillette began while the taller male listened in, “While water from Liyue has an enduring aftertaste. In Inazuma, the water possesses a depth of flavor unlike any other.”

“Sumeru's water, meanwhile, has a rich and complex flavor profile, but it must be savored patiently to fully appreciate it.”

“Ah? You have a weird hobby there. I guess my hobby is a lot weirder since I bathe in lava and boiled water.” [Y] mumbled, crossing his arms. Neuvillette tilted his head, “Does it not burn your skin?”

“My body can handle the heat. I can eat them without any burn, same with magma which gives me more power.” the taller male explained. “There are creatures in Natlan that swim in lava. I usually hit them up with a race and lose on purpose.”

“I’m not surprised you can handle the heat.” The hydro dragon said, placing his hand on his side. It didn't go unnoticed by the pyro dragon. The dark-skinned male remembers that he left a third degree burn on the hydro dragon. Perhaps he could apologize for the damage to his body.

“Hey—”

“Your lunch is served.”

[Y] was taken back when three plates of meat were placed in front of him. They sure as hell look good. “These are the meats humans have been eating?”

“Indeed.” Neuvillette nodded. He noticed the taller male about to use his hand to grab the meat, but he stopped before he could. The hydro dragon grabbed a fork and butter knife then handed them to the pyro dragon, “You use a knife to cut and a fork to pick.”

[Y] grabbed the silverware from the chief, looking at the male, curious on how to use it. Neuvillette showed the taller male how to work it, “Just do it like this…”

The pyro dragon followed the hydro dragon’s steps, but only failed to cut it, turning his hair orange. Neuvillette decided to help him out by supporting the taller male into cutting the rib, then holding the rib up to him on a fork, “Here.”

“...” the pyro dragon gave it a sniff then took a bite out of it. [Y]’s hair turned bright [c] after the flavor kicked in, “What's this?”

“Barbecue Ribs.” Neuvillette responded, giving [Y] another piece of the rib. [Y] pointed to another meat, “And that?”

Neuvillette smiled, “Steak Tartare.”

The taller male then pointed at the last meat he ordered, “And this?”

“Bulle Sauce Duck Breast. Enjoy.”

The pyro dragon was practically drooling over how delicious the food was, much to Neuvillette’s amusement. “Remember to use silverware.”

[Y] continued to follow Neuvillette during a tour around the city, but his attention landed on an orange cat, causing him to pause. The taller male stares into the cat's eyes, almost like they are communicating. The pyro dragon kneeled down before the cat. As a pyro dragon, he has never seen a cat before.

“Meow…” the cat meowed, catching the taller male by surprise. He was wondering if that's how he could communicate with a cat, so he responded back with a meow, “Meow…”

“Meow~”

“Meow.”

“Meow~”

“Meow.”

“Monsieur [Y]?” Neuvillette called to the male in question when he noticed that the pyro dragon wasn't following him. He spotted the taller male communicating with a cat by meowing.

“Meow.”

“Meow~”

Neuvillette stifles back a chuckle when witnessing the cute scene before him. [Y] lifted the cat and held it up as if it's a child, “You are now my worthy companion, Citali…”

“Meow~” the cat known as Citali, meowed. Neuvillette placed his hand over his mouth, trying not to show much emotion, he then cleared his throat, “I see that you made a companion.”

“Indeed. Citali will be my loyal companion. I respect his words.” [Y] nodded.

“For a pyro dragon, he sure is darling…Perhaps I could create a new law for this lil’ one if Monsieur [Y] wants his companion to stay by his side.” Neuvillette smiled. “Shall we?”

“We shall…” [Y] nodded.

The melusines were secretly spying on the two dragons having their bond. Judging how close they become, the girls wanted to make them closer.

╭      ⁞ ❏. facts

┊      ⁞ ❏. neuvillette is willing to create a new law where citali is allowed inside buildings as [y]’s support animal

┊      ⁞ ❏. [y] has never seen a cat before, yes there's some cats in natlan, he just never encountered one before

┊      ⁞ ❏. neuvillette thought the new side of [y] was cute

┊      ⁞ ❏. the daughters wanted to put their father and [y] together

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[mediaevalmusereads]

Silver Nitrate. By Silvia Moreno-Garcia. Del Rey, 2023.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: horror/supernatural

Series: N/A

Summary: Montserrat has always been overlooked. She’s a talented sound editor, but she’s left out of the boys’ club running the film industry in ’90s Mexico City. And she’s all but invisible to her best friend, Tristán, a charming if faded soap opera star, though she’s been in love with him since childhood.

Then Tristán discovers his new neighbor is the cult horror director Abel Urueta, and the legendary auteur claims he can change their lives—even if his tale of a Nazi occultist imbuing magic into highly volatile silver nitrate stock sounds like sheer fantasy. The magic film was never finished, which is why, Urueta swears, his career vanished overnight. He is cursed.

Now the director wants Montserrat and Tristán to help him shoot the missing scene and lift the curse . . . but Montserrat soon notices a dark presence following her, and Tristán begins seeing the ghost of his ex-girlfriend.

As they work together to unravel the mystery of the film and the obscure occultist who once roamed their city, Montserrat and Tristán may find that sorcerers and magic are not only the stuff of movies.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: smoking, references to drug use and pain killer addiction, homophobia, reference to drug overdose/suicide attempt, Nazis, racism, disturbing images, violence

OVERVIEW: I got this book from the library after reading several Silvia Moreno-Garcia books that I've liked. Usually, books set after the 1920s aren't my jam, but I wanted to see what the author can do. Luckily, I had fun with this one; the focus on film was a creative way to explore horror and the occult, and the two protagonists were well-developed and fun to watch. While I didn't think this book was perfect, it certainly held my attention, so for that reason, it gets 4 stars.

WRITING: Moreno-Garcia's prose is very easy to read; it flows well, it balances showing and telling, and it's descriptive and eerie without feeling overburdened. I don't think I have much to say that I haven't said before.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows Monserrat, a sound editor, and Tristán, a down-on-his-luck actor, as they form a friendship with a former horror flick director, Abel. Abel convinces them that his final film, which is incomplete, needs to be finished in order to lift a curse; at first, Monserrat and Tristán help him to humor an aging film icon, but soon they discover that the unreleased film was a conduit for nefarious magic. As Monserrat and Tristán learn more about the film's production, they uncover a world of cults and occult knowledge that threatens to reshape the present.

I loved the weirdness of this plot. I loved the role that film and horror movies played in shaping the way the magic worked and the way the characters interacted with the world. I loved the mixture of runes, ritual, and willpower that systematized magic while also making it personal - not something secret and guarded by elites, but something that can be enacted by those that have the desire to act. I also love the nod to history; Moreno-Garcia is clearly interested in the occultism of the 1930s and how Nazi enthusiasm dovetailed with racism, and I liked how this focus was brought to 1990s Mexico to show how the fanaticism of the past can have effects years on.

But as much as I liked this plot, I do think there are moments where uncovering the past led to extended paragraphs of backstory and explanatory dialogue. While the history is important, a lot of it is conveyed by characters just telling the characters a long story or something akin to a mini-lecture. This isn't my favorite way of communicating information, but I understand why it's needed.

CHARACTERS: This book has a number of characters, so I'll speak of a few individuals before looking at supporting or side characters generally.

Montserrat, the sound editor, is likable in part because she is so direct and competent. I very much enjoyed watching her become focused on getting to the bottom of things, and her take-no-shit attitude was pleasing and refreshing. Her inability to cook and her endless supply of ratty t-shirts was also quite endearing.

Tristán, the actor, is a great foil for Montserrat. He's charming where she is blunt, he's cowardly where she is brave, and he's flippant where she is determined. Heck, he even cooks and dresses well, so he felt like Montserrat's opposite in every way. This made the two an interesting duo, and their bickering was actually kind of interesting because it forced them to confront their respective weaknesses.

Supporting characters are fine and they serve their function. Abel was primarily a source of knowledge and was responsible for getting the whole plot moving, and I kind of liked that he started out as this lonely old man who just wanted company to listen to his stories.

Ewers, the occultist and primary antagonist, was actually kind of well-done. I usually don't enjoy antagonists that spend most of their time off-page, but I think Moreno-Garcia was smart in that she made him something of a ghost: a being who is there but not. Ewers gradually shows up by starting as this undefined presence, but gets more and more corporeal as more magic is used. I found this effective because it made the story feel like a gradual uncovering, like at first, we're not sure if magic is real but then, by the end, we're absolutely convinced.

TL;DR: Silver Nitrate is an eerie supernatural thriller that unites movies with magic in a quite literal way. The chemistry between the protagonists and the focus on occultism make this book especially memorable.

[withloveheart]

What are your favorite kdramas?

Hey Habibti,

I have like 14 currently, but I am probably just going to a couple in no particular order.

Romance is a Bonus Book

I remember this had shocked me on how cute the storyline was. I wasn't expecting much since I never hear anyone talking about this kdrama, but Lee Jong-Suk was in it, and I've loved many of his other dramas. It's about a woman whose relationship with her husband and first love ends and how she has to adapt to how much the workforce has changed. Her childhood friend, who has been in love with her for years, doesn't know about her situation and she spends a good amount of effort in the beginning making sure he doesn't find out. It's cute and I loved it.

Vincenzo

Vincenzo had the entire kdrama community in a chokehold and I am no different. A nice mixture of thriller, humor, and a sprinkle of mystery served with a healthy romance on the side. I adored everything about it except one thing, but I can't talk about that since it would be a spoiler. It's about a lawyer who used to work for the Italian mafia and is now in Korea in order to find some money that had been hidden away ages ago.

Honestly, the dark romance authors should take some notes from this show because they did a mafia storyline really well. The romance was also not abusive and based on mutual respect. Two wholes coming together to create a cute dynamic.

Flower of Evil

A detective who is investigating a popular serial killer case and starts to notice something weird about the case. Her husband has also begun acting weirdly ever since her unit has been working on the case and believes him to not be who he says he is. What's worse, is the serial killer's accomplice is back after a victim is found to fit the original killings from several years ago.

It was emotional and had me crying by the end. I have to thank @wutsetien for this one since she had high praises for it.

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon

If you want something feel good, cute, cheesy, and funny then this is the drama for you. I don't remember the details because I haven't watched in a while, but when I first did, I was obsessed. A drama that is very beloved by the kdrama community.

Kingdom

As someone who used to be a fan of the zombie genre, no one has been doing zombies like South Korea. Singlehandedly, Korea has brought back my zombie obsession that I had thought was long gone. I love the small twists Kingdom had given their zombie lore. I can't wait for season two.

Happiness

Another zombie drama but it concentrates a lot more on people and the terrible things they will do to survive. The romance in this is top tier. Two people who have been friends decide to marry each other so they can get a free apartment that their civil servants job can offer them when people start to get infected. I love that it is essentially two people who already have lots of respect and love for each other as friends growing closer in a hard environment. I love that there isn't any pesky in-laws, no second male or female lead, or stupid misunderstandings between them. I also loved the villain of the story too.

There are more but I don't want this to become incredibly long.

With All My Love,

Heart💚

[chronically-iris76]

Just saying hi since I've had this Tumblr for a while now and done nothing with it.

Life is borrning and lonely, I have no friends, my only friend abandoned me during the pandemic, that was fun🥺

I spend my time at home on the couch watching YouTube, Netflix & movies/TV shows I've downloaded while playing all sorts of games on my phone/Fire just to distract myself from the constant pain and discomfort I'm constantly feel, if I don't I don't think I'd be in as stable mood as I've had for the past 12 years or so. It helped IMENSELY when I got my first hip replacement in August 2013. My hip was almost completely stuck going a little inward as it was bone to bone, I had to take up to and over 29 painkillers Morphine, Voltaren, and other strong painkillers a day just to be able to wipe myself after going to the freaking bathroom. After the operation life was totally altered in a good way. It took me a while to recover from the over 1.3 liter blood loss, I had to have 5 or 6 units of blood before my blood pressure got into acceptable range, it went down to 42/29, that's death range and I was a happy camper who wanted to stand up, I had to wait 4+ hours until they gave in and let me stand up but only if they could surround me on every side to catch me if I collapsed because my blood pressure was still dangerously low with the lower rate being around 40, I don't remember the upper number. I did up and to everyone's sick I didn't even get a little dizzy. I put my weight partly on my leg and realized it felt weird, my legs were really uneven, it had been made 3cm longer in the operation. At first I didn't care because the pain was gone, only the surgical pain was there and it didn't really bother me. Heck I walked up steps on the 2nd day😁

After the operation everyone saw an instant change in my face, my demeanor and how I talked and expressed myself. After that I haven't stepped inside a psych ward (hadn't since 2010) and I didn't see any therapists besides physical therapists. I've been in physical therapy since 2014/15 and there is no end in sight, I will write about that later.

One thing that I found a little depressing during the pandemic was that people were going crazy because they couldn't do everything they wanted to do but I thrived because that was my norm🫤 I can count on both hands how many times I interacted with my closest relatives in 11 months. I liked not having to make excuses to not visit relatives, I'm not anti social by any means, I'm a mixture of an introvert and extrovert, but the introvert in me became so exaggerated during the pandemic that I still prefer being alone than with other people, hopefully that will change, my physical health plays the biggest role in me not wanting to leave my apartment, more on that later.

[watering-plastic-plants]

.

[wrenreid]

Not So Innocent

mature topics such as violence, death, and trauma discussed in this story. all chapters in masterlist

Chapter Nine

You and Spencer sit on the couch while the tv plays at a semi low volume. You've gotten him to talk. Well talk about something that isn't like super weird and nerdy. Honestly, the weird and nerdy shit wasn't entirely horrible. His voice was a distraction from your intrusive thoughts about your past and your family. He has an interesting voice. You really don't care about what he's saying, but he makes you want to listen.

Anyway, he was talking more about his work. Like what they did at the BAU, although he did spare many details because your story is as a victim, and he didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

You shift your position so that your leg is crossed under you, and you're facing him from the side. You rest your arm on the top of the couch.

"You have really pretty eyes," you say without even thinking about it.

"Oh. I- Thank you." His sentence had been interrupted by your out of the blue compliment.

"You're welcome," you shoot him a smile. Why did you say that? You were half ass listening to him talk and then you got lost in the brown-green mixture of his eyes and just said it.

He looks over to you, face pink, with a small smile. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm?"

"I know the question is stupid. But with everything that's happened, are you okay?"

"I'm getting there. I mean it was crazy and scary, but I feel safe here."

"I'm glad you do."

"You've been extremely helpful in that."

He smiles again, this time showing his pearly teeth. You can't help but smile back.... you're getting pretty good at this flirting thing.

You're thinking you should move faster with this. You probably won't be in Virginia long, and you need him to trust and love you.

"It's getting late, are you tired?"

"I haven't been able to sleep much lately,” you say honestly.

"Do you want the bed? I'm serious, it's a lot more comfortable than the couch. Maybe it'll help."

"No, Spencer. It's okay. This is your place."

"Yes, but you're a guest, and I'm trying to help."

"You've been really helpful. Thank you." To be honest, you really want that bed. It sounds much better than the cricks in your neck from the couch.

"Just try it? One night, and if it doesn't help any..."

"Okay," you breathe out, annoyed at his stubbornness, but also relieved to be getting a break from the sofa.

Once you get ready for bed, Spencer comes in to make sure you’re situated. He closes his eyes snd knocks on the open door.

"I'm clothed, Spencer," you chuckle.

He opens his eyes with a flushed face. You're dressed in pjs that you'd grabbed quickly when you were leaving home. Spencer had been kind enough to wash your clothes, since you were running out of clean laundry. You sit on his bed dressed in grey sweatpants and a black graphic t shirt.

"You need anything?"

"No. I'm good,” you tell him, hands folded on your lap.

"Okay,” he nods, “Goodnight, Y/n."

"Goodnight, Spencer."

He turns off the lights before shutting the door, he leaves it cracked just a bit. You hear his footsteps make their way to the living room once more. You pull the covers over your legs and lay down. His bed sure is comfortable. And the scent, the scent of him, is somehow calming.

You fall asleep after about an hour of staring at the ceiling in the dark. At first, you don't have any dreams, but soon enough weird images and words play in your unconscious mind.

You see one of the kills Nico and Pops had made you do. He's standing alone in and empty lot. You make your way to him, knife in hand. You're ready to plunge it in, get the job done, until the body changes. He’s no longer the target. You're standing in front of your father, your knife is in his throat. His blood is oozing everywhere, getting on your clothes. His blood is on your hands. Literally and figuratively.

You turn around, dizziness and confusion consuming you. You face your mother, your beautiful mother. She sees what you have done.

Your father lays lifeless on the gravel ground. You did that. Your mother's scream rings out so loud, you're sure the noise will be imprinted in your mind forever. She's yelling words now. You can't quite make out what she's saying. What is she saying? Murderer.

Gasping for air, you shoot up into a seated position. You throw the covers to the side of you. Sweat drops from your hairline. It was just a dream.

"Y/n? Are you okay?" You must've yelled because Spencer Reid turns on the light and looks at you with concern from the doorway.

"Y-yeah," you say, breathing heavy.

He sits down beside you. "It was just a dream." Spencer puts his hand on your knee, trying his best to be comforting but feeling awkward as usual.

You nod your head, pushing the sweaty hair strands out of your face.

"I'll get you some water," Spencer says, standing up from his bed.

You just nod your head again in response.

He comes back moments later, a glass of water in hand. He hands it to you, and you take a drink.

"I know that's not what you want right now, but you really should try and get some sleep." His voice is calm and concerned at the same time.

"I know..." you hang your head low.

He makes takes a step away. "Call me if you need any..."

"Can you stay in here?" You blurt out. "With me?"

"If that's what you want, then yes,” Spencer says softly.

"I just don't want to be alone."

"Of course. I'll stay with you then."

He sits on the other side of the bed after turning the lights off again. Spencer leans back against the headboard. You allow yourself to scoot towards him a a bit, resting your head where it touches his arm while you face him. You're not sure if you'll be able to fall asleep again.

As much as you hated it, he was comforting. Yes, you needed to make him like you, but you didn't want to enjoy it. Which you don't. This is for business purposes only...

You fall back asleep after a few thoughts race through your mind.

—

It's been a week now since the nightmare. It's imprinted into your brain- the face of your father as you kill him in cold blood, the face of your mom as she sees it. With all the bad things you've seen or done in your life, you wouldn't have thought it'd be a dream that haunts you.

Even though it’s been a week, Spencer Reid still sleeps next to you every night. You protest every time, but he doesn't want to risk you waking up screaming again and being all alone. You protest every time, but you like it. You hate that you like it, but it's comforting knowing someone is there. Even when you've gotten used to being alone.

You and Spencer are sitting on his bed. It's the morning, and you've just woken up. Spencer is sitting propped up against his headboard reading a book. His eyes move quickly across the pages, fingers moving down with each line.

"Good morning," he says, finishing the sentence he was reading.

You sit up, rubbing your eyes. "Good morning," the words come out in a mumble.

"Did you sleep well?" Spencer closes the book and sets it down on his night stand.

"I guess." You haven't been sleeping much for a while, but these past couple days it's been getting better.

"Would you like to go get some breakfast?"

"Yes, I would." You smile, knowing you need some coffee right now. You get off his bed, grab a pair of clothes, and change in the bathroom.

On the way out, you say "You know, I can go back to the hotel if you're sick of taking care of me."

"I'm definitely not sick of taking care of you,” Spencer says, and the honesty in his voice makes your stomach do a little flip.

"I'm not use to having people pity me, I don't know how I feel about it,” you say with just as much honesty as he had.

"I don't pity you, Y/n. Yeah, I feel bad about what happened to you, but that's because I'm a decent human. I've grown fond of you I suppose."

You give him a smile, "You're a sweet, Spencer. I'm fond of you as well."

He looks away, cheeks a bit flushed. You two make it to a cafe and take your seats. You order an iced coffee and waffles, already tasting the syrup on your tongue.

Spencer catches you stealing a glance of him while he takes a bite of his breakfast. He gives you a look of question, and you just chuckle. What is going on with you?

Remembering why you're with Spencer in the first place, you start to ask him something. But before you can get the sentence out, his phone rings.

He answers it, stepping outside and gesturing for you to follow. It's his boss, Agent Hotchner.

"Y/n, I..." he starts.

"You have to go. I get it." You nod your head.

He takes you back to his place quickly.

"You're welcome to anything in the fridge, there's some money on the counter if you want to order anything. If you need anything just call me..."

"Spencer, I'll be okay."

"Right," he sighs. "I mean it. If you need..."

You press your lips to his cheek softly. "Be safe."

Spencer blushes, nodding his head. You can tell he wants to ask about what just happened, but he doesn’t. “Goodbye."

"Bye, Spencer."

You're not sure why you kissed him. You didn't really mean to honestly. But maybe it'll help with the plan. And hey, at least it wasn’t like you made out with him. It was just a kiss on the cheek.

You plop down on Spencer's couch with a sigh. God knows how long he'll be gone or where he's going. So this could mean a day or a bunch of days of sleeping alone. Great.

You take off your boots and set them beside the couch. Time is ticking, Spencer's leaving, and you're alone.

"You're just one call away from being on a hit list, baby sis."

You press your lips together, stopping them from shaking. "I'm trying. I swear Aiden, I'm trying."

"Trying isn't cutting it."

"I know," you sigh. "I know. It's just that I can't just flat out ask a bunch of questions without getting caught. I want this to work, I want to get you out, but it can't be like that."

"Fine. I've got to go." He hangs up. You know phone calls in prison aren't that short, but you’re not going to protest the short phone call.

You crawl into Spencer's bed. It's strange being in there alone. It's cold and quiet. His weird but sometimes interesting facts aren't there to fill the silent void. His hazel eyes aren’t there to stare into.

Sleep slowly comes to you sometime in the middle of the night. Dreams swirl in your unconscious mind, not pleasant ones either. Luckily, you hardly remember anything when you wake up. You just have the lingering post-nightmare feeling.

chapter ten

tags: @reidsprettygirl @reidsmilf @reidslovely @awhoreforspencerreid @sexualityisajoke @nomajdetective @kenreadsfanfics @calicocatty @hotchandspencearedilfs @kodiakwhiskey @rory-cakes @444verse @kbakery <3

[personasintro]

My Tiny Secret | 20; First Steps

𝑴𝒚 𝑻𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆 | 20; First Steps 

⏤𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; Pretty face doesn’t make it up for an ugly personality. And Kim Seokjin is the perfect proof of that.

⏤𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: seokjin x reader

⏤𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: angst, smut, fluff, mistress au, unexpected pregnancy au

⏤𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: strong language, mature content 

⏤> 𝒇𝒊𝒄 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒙

The birds' chirping creates a calm melody, outstanding the sounds of kids laughing and crying that reach your ears. Even the blanket underneath your legs feels soft, softer than usual and you wonder if it's made from one of those expensive materials. Surprisingly, Seokjin was the one who packed everything and you left him to it.

It's nice to see him doing such a normal stuff, especially if it's related to you and your son.

“It seems busier than last week.” His voice resounds, your eyes snapping to him as his legs are spread out with arms holding him in a relaxed position. Those black locks that got longer are thrown back, making his forehead on full display along with his thick brows.

He looks so relaxed, wearing a white casual shirt with jean shorts, something you should've got used to by now, but you still find yourself occasionally stare at him.

You're not even sure how, but your Saturdays have been spent in a park nearby your apartment building for the last couple of weeks. You often went alone, making sure you're not stuck in your apartment all day, sometimes Hoseok tagged along with you as well. Surprisingly, Seokjin comes every Saturday without even making any official plans with you, knowing he's about to spend the whole day with you. Well, with Yoojin.

It became a silent routine.

“It does,” you hum, eyes trailed on Yoojin who crawls up to the tree you're sitting underneath. It creates a perfect shadow in this warm weather. “He's so active these days.” you say as you already panic when he starts to standing up, holding the tree with his small hands.

He can stand for a long time now, but he's too careful to hold onto something and not let go. Yoojin's puckered lips stretch into a huge smile, proudly showing himself to his parents as you clap in praise, not holding a smile back. He grew up so fast, you can't believe how many things have changed since he was born.

Seokjin comes to visit more often, he even sleeps on the couch sometimes since the guest room is slowly renovating to Yoojin's new bedroom. You both went shopping together and bought him a new crib, along with a few different decorations and furniture. The memory of the two of you walking with Yoojin in his stroller seems weird, but nice and comfortable. For the first time, it felt like you're a real family, spending some time together.

He's an intelligent man managing a successful company on his own, with no help whatsoever, however building a crib isn't his strong suit. Stubbornly, he insisted on being the one who makes Yoojin's bedroom for him. You've never seen him being so passionate about something, so you let him. Even if it took him a month, but you silently enjoyed every day he came after work struggling in that room, ending sleeping on the couch.

It feels nice to have him there. He's more open, casually talking with you about your day, but mainly has his focus on Yoojin.

You've met his friend – Kim Namjoon. As you've learned, he accidentally found out about his best friend having a child, thinking it's all gossip. But when he burst into Seokjin's office with a single question if he has a kid and his friend didn't deny it, he knew those gossips were true.

According to Seokjin's words, he bugged him about wanting to meet Yoojin for a whole week, until he had no choice but to say 'yes'. Before Namjoon came to your apartment, Seokjin made sure you're okay with the visit of his friend, the same thing he did when his father came to visit for the first time.

You didn't have any reason to say no, Yoojin is his son as well. A part of you wanted to meet his friend anyway, which happened to be a very polite and kind man. It made you shocked that he has such a nice friend, you were expecting someone similar to his personality. The visit was far more enjoyable than that time when Mr. Kim visited. You even saw Seokjin to crack a few smiles and chuckles, not the dark ones you're used to, but honest and happy ones.

“He's Kim,” he points out proudly, smiling at Yoojin who grins back at his father, still holding to the tree. “He has your smile.” he comments, your head snapping to him before you look at Yoojin.

“Really?” you cock your head to the side, trying to find your similarity in your son.

He's a mixture of you both, although he definitely takes after Seokjin's side more. You're not mad at it, his father is handsome, there's no lie in that.

“Yeah,” he hums, his phone vibrating inside of his pocket as he pulls it out.

You see his wife's name on the display, but he just locks the phone and ignores the call.

“You can speak to her, y'know...” you mumble, watching your son instead as he squats down to admire dandelions.

“I know,” he assures you lightly, “I don't want to.” he admits and you don't let a surprise to be known on your face.

The conversation dies there, both of you watching your son as a way to distract yourselves, that's until Seokjin opens his mouth again.

“I'll divorce her,” he informs you, his tone firm as his hardening features. “For Yoojin.” he adds, glancing at your son that touches the top of dandelion and giggles when it bounces.

“That's nice of you,” you tell him softly, heart warming at the progress he's made. “But, are you sure? Is that what you want?”

You don't mean to doubt his decision, nor you feel some kind of triumph that he wants to divorce his wife. It was never a competition for you and you feel sorry for the woman, whether she's a bad person or not. You're not the one to talk, nor is Seokjin. All of you made mistakes along the way that got you where you are right now.

“I thought about what my father said,” he confesses, your mind drifting to that time he told you what he and his father talked about. It took his some time to open up, but when he finally did, you couldn't be more proud of him. “I think he's right. Besides, I don't see any future with her.”

“If that's what you really want, I'm on your side.”

Seokjin catches the smile you give him, eyes glinting with honesty and his heart does a weird twist at seeing you like that. You're wearing a yellow sundress, youth and happiness radiating from you and he wonders what's the reason behind your happiness. Is he a part of it too? Is someone else behind it?

“Thank you,” he says, tone sounding almost unsure of what to say, and you giggle when you see the puzzled look. “I don't know how she will take it, knowing her she'll throw a fuss. She seems to be furious whenever I come back to the house. I think I'll leave the house to her, maybe she'll be less furious when I break the news to her.”

It seems like he's thinking out loud more to himself, than telling you all this stuff, but you appreciate it nevertheless. It's weird hearing him saying house instead of home.

“I can still pay for the rent, I've got my maternity leave every month,” you suggest, ignoring the raise of his brow. “I don't need your money, Seokjin.”

“Debatable.” he mutters, causing your brows to twitch in irritation.

“No, I don't need it. I'm thankful for everything you're doing for us, but I don't need your money.”

Sighing, he scratches his chin as he looks at you. “I'm sorry,” he apologizes, your mouth falling open but you stay quiet. “Let me do this for you. And Yoojin.”

“I am, but I don't want you to think I need your money. Yes, you make our lives easier but I'm not your wife. I thought you knew that.” Your voice fades away, but the disappointment in it stays as Seokjin groans underneath his breath.

“Shit, I know that,” he curses, voice thick with regret. “I'm not good with words. I've never done this before and I've never met someone who didn't try to fuck me over. It's hard for me to trust someone and you're the first person-- I'm sorry. I know you don't need my money, you made that clear from the day one.”

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you let it go before you give him a soft smile. Confusion is clear on his face, probably thinking you were about to curse at him but he's just met with your smile.

“What?”

“Hm, nothing,” you hum, causing him to roll his eyes in annoyance. Well, some things haven't changed. “I just.. thank you for being so open, I think. It makes me understand you better.” you tell him honestly, seeing him look away as he plays with the grass next to him.

Is he blushing?

When he looks back at you, his eyes trail somewhere behind you before his eyes widen. You follow his vision, eyes mimicking Seokjin's expression as you see your son standing, without holding himself. He giggles and stumbles, but still doesn't reach for the tree next to him.

“Oh my god, he's standing!” you chant, clapping like a crazy woman which makes your son giggle.

“Where's my phone?” you hear Seokjin mutter, before he's snapping a few pictures of your son.

“Come here, pumpkin. You can do it, come here!” you call to him, arms outstretching as you silently call him to your embrace.

He frowns, complementing on what to do but when you clap again and call for him, he smiles. He takes a step forward, and you push the squeal that wants to rip out of your throat away, not wanting to scare him as he slowly starts walking towards you. He's wobbling, his chubby legs barely holding his balance, but he doesn't fall this time. From the corner of your eyes, you see Seokjin pointing his phone to Yoojin, recording this moment with a huge smile plastered on his lips.

“Come to mommy!” you call for him, giggling when he's almost in your embrace, loosing his balance but you're quick to catch him, causing him to giggle. “Good job!” you praise him, kissing his cheeks as you hug him closer to you.

You've never felt so proud, like this very moment. Seokjin's eyes are filled with a rare emotion, something you've never seen on his face and you wish you could snap a picture of him right now. He reaches towards you, caressing Yoojin's back as he gives him a set of praise words.

“Go to daddy,” you tell him, making sure your son is standing as he stares at his father.

He moves away, crossing his legs as he outstretches his arms the same way you did. He's smiling, eyes glistening as he wonders if his son will walk into his arms like he did to you.

“Yoojin-ah, come on. Come here.” he calls out to him, your eyes watering when he starts taking a few steps to his father, grinning at him as Seokjin starts to scream in encouragement causing you to laugh.

You've never heard him being so loud, full of joy and you pull out your phone, taking a lot of pictures as he picks up your son, bouncing him in his arms as he starts kissing his face repeatedly. It makes your son erupt into a fit of laughter, his bubbly laugh outstanding from other children's ones while you're wiping your tears, too stubborn to look away, savoring this moment.

[9:23pm] hobi: wait... he looks... happy???

The message makes you giggle, covering your mouth with the blanket before your fingers work their way onto the screen. You've sent him the video of Yoojin walking, along with the pictures you managed to snap of Seokjin kissing him.

[9:24pm] he does, i've never seen him look so happy

[9:24pm] hobi: that's good, right? is he treating you okay?

He never fails to ask the same question every time the two of you talk, but you know he's just looking out for you. And besides, today was nothing but great.

[9:25pm] yeah, he's really trying hobi

He sends you a couple of emojis of confetti, clapping hands and fireworks which makes you snort. Your giggling is interrupted with a soft knock on your bedroom door. Knowing it's Seokjin, you call out a gentle 'come in' before he opens the door. His head is the first thing that appears, as he cutely looks around noticing Yoojin's crib where he's sleeping.

He was supposed to sleep in his new crib, but he somehow didn't want to let go of you, even though he fell asleep almost immediately.

“Can I come in?” he asks you, cautiously staring at you and catching a glimpse of your exposed legs.

Slowly, you sit up and nod in response. He tries to be quiet, making his way towards the crib to check on Yoojin before he sits next to you. The fresh scent of his shower gel that he brought one day to your home lingers on his skin, his hair slightly dampened after he took a shower. He's wearing a loose shirt and some sweatpants, to stay decent. You know he likes to sleep naked most of the time, or at least that's what you always thought after he fell asleep a few times in your bed – back in the time when you messed around. He always made sure to leave after you both had sex, but there were times when he had a couple of drinks and stayed the night. But you never felt the warmth of him the next morning, no sight of him.

“He fell asleep right away. I think we tired him out.” you whisper, pointing at your son's crib as he chuckles.

“He had an eventful day.” he comments, his voice gentle and quiet not to wake him up.

He's right. After you both packed your stuff and put it into the truck of Seokjin's car, you went to eat ice cream and walked around for a few minutes, before it was time to go back home. Seokjin took a bath with Yoojin, playing with him in the water and you left them there, and cooked dinner.

“Can't sleep?” you ask quietly, making out his features thanks to the moon and opened blinds.

“Yeah,” he mutters. “Can you? I heard you giggling.”

“Oh, it was just something Hobi sent me,” you wave your hand, silently watching him in the darkness.

Luckily, Hoseok visited you more often, even when Seokjin was present and even though the atmosphere is awkward most of the time, at least they don't want to rip each other heads anymore.

“Thank you for taking us out today, Yoojin was so happy.” You feel the need to tell him that.

He's not a kid who needs to get praised at every single good thing he does, yet you want to show him your gratitude. He's been involved in Yoojin's and your life more with each passing month. Maybe it's weird but you feel like a family. You raise him together, even though Seokjin officially doesn't live with you, but he's spending most of his time with you. This actually works nicely, way better than you've ever imagined.

And the littlest smile that ghosts his lips whenever you show him your gratitude doesn't go unnoticed, even though he tries to hide it. It's the same one that's hidden by the darkness in your bedroom.

“Were you?” he asks, head tilting towards you, although you can't see his eyes clearly.

“Huh?

“Happy,” he whispers, “Were you happy?”

You're taken back by his question. Does he really care about your happiness? You can't believe your own ears. You knew he's not such a bad guy as he makes himself out to be – hence all the gestures he's done for you, like sending you money and making sure you live in a nice place. There are a lot of things he's done, nice things that made you even more confused by him. But he's never been so straight forward. Until these recent days.

“Yes,” you answer him, “Were you happy?” you ask him back, watching his broad shoulders as he stays quiet for a moment.

“Yes.” he whispers, turning to you and you automatically smile at him, not even sure if he can properly see you.

“I'm glad, I don't think I've ever seen you happy.” you admit, wondering if you're pushing his buttons too much.

“I don't really show emotions but I don't think I've ever been happy. I kind of just... lived.”

The lamp that slowly creates in your throat makes you painfully swallow, your heart shivering of sadness from hearing those words. He says it lightly, although the meaning behind it is sad. You put your hand on his back, caressing his tensed muscles as you scoot closer to him. He's warm, inviting almost and you hate yourself for craving his touch.

“Are you happy now?” you hesitate to ask, but relax when he doesn't seem too tensed from your question.

Slowly, he turns around, your hand falling off his back as he stares at you. It's hard to see his eyes, but you know he's looking at you. He reaches towards your face, caressing your soft skin as his thumb swipes across your lips. Your breath hitches but you don't dare to look away or flinch, it feels too good to do that.

“I'd like to think that I am.” he answers.

It's something about the tone and the way he says it, making it sound painful yet smooth and joyful. He's a one big mystery you were always trying to solve, but if he's not the one opening himself to you, it's pointless. But you see it now. So many things have changed and you get to know a new side of him, each layer he has, almost every day.

You don't know who moves the first, maybe the both of you at the same time, as your lips crashes together in a soft and slow manner. It's been so long since you've felt those lips against your own, enjoying how perfect they feel. As expected, he takes over the kiss, leading you the entire time as you adjust to his pace. It should be embarrassing how quick he has you squirming in your spot and groaning into the kiss, whenever he pulls onto your bottom lip. He cups your face for the better measure, while the other one holds your neck and fuck, how amazing it feels.

Even when your back meets the softness of your mattress, and your neck Seokjin's lips, you know you're utterly fucked. He hovers over you, kissing every sensitive spot which makes you giddy over the fact, he still remembers what makes you moan and clench around nothing.

His thigh is settled between your legs, and when he lightly nibbles onto your weak spot with his teeth, you automatically grind against him. He shushes your moans with his mouth, leaving your mouths connected before has to pull away after a couple of seconds.

“Jin,” you plead, arms hooked around his neck as you pull him closer.

The chuckle that leaves his mouth is shushed, but very audible to your ears as he nudges your nose with his own. “What do you want?”

Of course, he knows what you want from him. He just likes you to say it, even beg for it.

“You,” you whisper, arms traveling down his broad shoulders making its way to his defined chest and abs. “I want you.”

“Is that so?” he hums, nudging your cheekbone with his nose this time. “Are you sure?” he asks when he receives a few set of nods in response.

Your hand trails down, cupping him through his sweatpants, surprised when it's the only clothing separating his length and your hand. What shocks you the most, is the obvious erection poking underneath the thin material and how just the feel of it makes you aroused.

“Naughty,” he comments, pushing away the groan that wants to escape past his lips, clenching his jaw when you stroke him. He sits back on his knees, motioning for you to sit up and you obey, letting him taking off your loose shirt.

Now that you think about it, it seems like it's one of Seokjin's shirts he forgot here. If he noticed such a little detail, he doesn't comment it and softly lays you back down. You bite onto your lips, feeling his palm against your breast, groping the soft flesh.

“So big,” he hums, noticing how bigger they seem and feel ever since you got pregnant. Surprisingly, he leans against your chest, sucking on your nipple as he licks it a few times.

Your palm slaps against your mouth, silencing all those moans and soft groans. He does the same thing to the other breast, coating it with his saliva as he trails down onto your stomach, kissing and licking your skin.

You haven't thought about having sex for a long time, there was never a proper time to think about such thing. You've spent all your time taking care of Yoojin, that the thought of another man and your intimate life was the least of your worries. There were times your hormones would act up, and you craved for someone else's touch. Your mind often drifted to the man that's enveloping your body with his mouth, no matter how many times you've reminded yourself that he's not right for you.

You were so busy trying to be the best mother you could be, that you never really thought about having sex after nine months you gave birth. You got in shape, although your body is not what it used to be. Your breasts got bigger and you still got some fat on your stomach and thighs. And for this very time, you're lucky there's a darkness in the room and Seokjin can't tell all the stretchmarks that failed to disappear.

His hand disappears between your thighs, chuckling when he notes you've no underwear. “Naughty girl.” he chuckles, circling your opening teasingly as you bite onto your lower lip.

It hurts, but you've to keep your mouth shut if you don't want to wake up your son.

“Can you...” he trails off, your mind clouded with lust before you realize what he's asking.

“Yeah.” you answer, giving him the green light as he slowly pushes a one finger inside of you.

It feels weird, almost as if it's the first time you ever experienced this particular touch. Although, it doesn't take you too long to get used to it, hips bucking into his hand as you plead him for more. Surprisingly, he doesn't insist on begging, listening to you as he watches your body squirm in pleasure. He pumps his fingers inside and out, grazing your walls before he scissors them, penetrating you.

“Fuck, you got so tight.” he groans, pumping his fingers before he kisses you.

He barely used to do that. He barely kissed you during sex, and if he did, it was always harsh and rushed. This seems to be slow, but intense at the same time.

You've heard so much stuff of women getting even tighter after they gave birth. You weren't sure if that's true but if Seokjin can tell a difference and he's telling the truth, you guess all those articles were right. Woman's body is something amazing. It goes to its original state even after bringing a human into the world.

He adds another, silently shushing you when you whimper.

“I know, gotta stretch you out,” he whispers, pushing onto your clit with his thumb while his fingers continue to fill you up. “Have you had sex after you gave birth?”

There's a possibility he feels unsure, but he doesn't stop and continues with his movements as if he's not asking you such an intimate question.

Would he be angry if you said yes?

Would he become possessive all over again?

“No,” you whisper, clutching the sheets between your fingers. “You're my first.” you tell him, and you wish you could see his reaction more clearly. This way it seems he barely reacted, although he goes down to bite onto your collarbone which leaves you gasping.

You clutch his shoulders, frowning when he's still fully clothed. “And you?”

“You mean, if I had sex after giving birth?” he snorts, causing you to roll your eyes at him before you groan both in annoyance and pleasure.

“You know what I mean.”

“Then the answer is no,” he tells you, mouth pressed against your ear, so you can hear him clearly. “I haven't had sex with anyone else.”

“That's hard to believe.” you choke out, when he adds his fourth fingers making you breathe through it with a scrunched face.

He gives you the time to adjust, halting his movements. “I didn't. Believe it or not, I've found it hard to find someone else. Not that I was really looking for someone.”

It's the honesty that makes you pause, your heart hammering even faster and you wonder if he can feel it too with his chest pressed against your own. Before you can question him, your curiosity getting the best of you, he's already pumping his fingers again. Deciding you want to feel him, you hook your fingers underneath the hem of his sweatpants, hand disappearing into them as you finally grab him. He groans, surprised by your bolt move, as you slowly pump him.

You were right. He's not wearing any underwear, making it easier for you to access him. He feels just as thick as you remember him, the weight in your palm causing you to clench around his fingers.

“I need you.” you whisper, clearly enough for him to hear because you see him pulling away, staring at you.

“Don't you wanna cum? It'll be easier for me to--”

“I'm sure,” you interrupt him, pulling your hand out of his sweatpants. “Take your clothes off.” you tell him softly, surprised when he actually listens to you without any side remarks.

The loud thud of his clothes makes you both freeze, waiting for Yoojin to wake up but you barely hear the soft puffs leaving from the crib, before he goes back to you. You sit up, pushing him to lay down as he stares at you in confusion. There's not much place or time to actually speak, you're both aware you have to be quiet. Maybe you should just move it to the living room, but there's something thrilling about having sex knowing you've to keep your mouth shut.

“I wanna ride you.” you whisper, already sitting down onto his abdomen, his hardened length poking you into your ass.

“Holy fuck.” he grunts, hands gripping your hips before you lift yourself up, enough to grab his length and make yourself more comfortable.

His head pokes your entrance, your walls clenching just from the thought of feeling him stretching you, as you slide him up and down. Your other hand is outstretched onto his defined abs, feeling how tense they're. You know you're teasing him, but he doesn't say anything and simply lets you take the lead.

Maybe it's the understatement, knowing you're about to have sex for the first time since Yoojin was born. Or maybe he just got a lot more understanding, appreciating current situation. You'd never have thought it'd come to this again, even though your dreams have been wild these couple of months.

Slowly and cautiously, you slide down onto him, your mouth opening at the sudden stretch and burn that his fingers couldn't do. This way, he reaches you even deeper and he's not even halfway in. He's groaning, doing an awful job to contain the pleasure, while you whimper with each inch that you take him.

This has to be difficult for him too. If he's really telling the truth, which you believe him, he haven't had sex for a long time.

Oh, if you just knew he's minutes from spilling himself like some teenager.

Maybe it's just that exact reason, him not having sex for a long time. Or it's you and the way you feel around his length, making him throb inside of you as he twitches when you finally take all of him. A few seconds of adjusting yourself to his huge length, and you're already bouncing on him. Your arms failing you, your body falling onto Seokjin's chest as he holds your body even closer, meeting your thrusts with his hips. He's fucking into you, taking the control even though you're the one on top. He envelopes you in his arms, making you feel closer to him than ever.

You can't describe it, but this time it's different. It's not just sex full of lust and pleasure, there's something else there. You know you don't love each other, but there is a certain kind of chemistry going between you two. Instead of fucking you so hard trying to chase his own pleasure, his movements are quick but still soft. It might sound stupid or ridiculous, but it feels lot more closer. Like there's an actual connection between you two, and it's not just from the fact he's inside of you.

“Fuck, Jin, I can't--” you whimper into his neck, silencing your moans as he starts to fasten up.

“Come on, cum for me. Let me feel you.” he grunts into your hair, digging his fingers into your back and hips as he urges you to cum.

With a few more thrusts, you're cumming around him as your whole body shakes, but he's there to hold you through it.

”Shhh, you did so great. You were amazing.” he shushes you, his length twitching inside of you, reminding you of its presence and need.

You slide off him, settling yourself between his legs before you take him into your mouth, hand gripping the rest that you can't take. Bobbing your head and stroking him with your hand, you feel his fingers grabbing your hair. Swiping your tongue and repeating the same process couple of times, causes him to let out a low growl as he's spilling himself into your mouth. He twitches in your mouth, emptying himself and when he's done, he sighs.

You let him go with a pop sound, swallowing all of his cum as you sit down onto your knees, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

“That was... fucking amazing.” he breathes out, his rigid breathing filling the bedroom.

The sex itself wasn't the longest you both had, but it was intense and probably the best one. Something's telling you he thinks the same thing as he seems to be far more affected than ever.

“Yeah,” you chuckle, agreeing with him as you stand up.

“Where are you going?” he asks immediately, already leaning against his elbows as he watches you in the darkness.

“To take a shower,” you answer, stating the obvious while a surprised 'oh' leaves his mouth. “Can you please watch Yoojin?”

He coughs, nodding his head remembering that you can't probably see him that well. “Sure.”

You go take a shower, smiling giddily for the whole time the water splashes onto your body, ignoring the little jumps your heart does every time you replay what has just happened. When you're done, Seokjin takes his turn to take a shower while you can't fall asleep. Staring at the ceiling, you're surprised when the bedroom door are pushed open. You don't move, nor close your eyes as you feel him getting into your bed. You don't comment it, nor does he. You're not even sure if he knows you're still awake and you wonder what's been going on in his head again.

What made him to come here and sleep next to you?

Nevertheless of your raging thoughts, you find yourself relaxing when you feel a warm body next to you. Small part of you wishes he'd pull you closer, letting you feel his warmth properly.

But even without that, you manage to fall asleep in a minute, enjoying his proximity and warmth while it lasts. And for the first time, you wake up next to him peacefully dreaming and sleeping in your bed.

[l-egionaire]

Owl House Fanfiction: I love The Found Family Trope!

Posted on Ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29417493

Eda had gotten used to a lot of different ways of waking up after her getting her curse.

The first few times it happened, she'd unfortunately routinely woken up to find herself naked. (Titan, was she grateful when she'd finally found a spell that made her clothes change with her and didn't have to keep dumpster diving or "borrowing" clothes)

Once that was taken care of, her post transformation wake ups were slightly more comfortable, if predictable. She'd come too laying on the ground, her body's usual aches, pains, and stiffness seemingly doubled to the point where she could barely move. If she was in someone's house she'd likely be surrounded by overturned furniture and fixtures all covered in claw and bite marks. If she was lucky any people that might've been there would've already run and hid. If she wasn't….well, she knew a good amount of healing magic and potions.  No matter how much damage she might have caused, most people wouldn't turn down having their injuries taken care of.

And after that, things changed. Even if the person she was living with didn't kick her out, she could still see how they acted differently. They avoided eye contact with her, didn't stay in the same room with her for longer than two seconds, and she couldn't help but notice how they always seemed to lock their doors at night, nevermind whether she'd taken her elixir or not. Needless to say, when that happened she was gone before a week even passed. Someone being afraid of her or thinking she was a freak she could handle. But she preferred that to them tiptoeing around it and pretending to be okay with her when they were secretly scared. 

Considering all of that, waking up safely in her nest with a bottle of elixir in her mouth was a new experience.

She wasn't that shocked once she'd gotten the whole story. She'd never explained what her elixir did to King, and Luz thinking it was some special magic boosting potion sounded just like her. But what really surprised her were their reactions. 

After making sure Hooty was put back up and okay, they'd come by to check on her. Luz, having worried she might not be feeling well, had brought her a bowl of some strange human concoction called "chicken soup" that she'd gotten from a can in her junk collection. ("It's no magic potion but my mom. always made me chicken soup when I wasn't feeling well.) She'd also gotten her a person sized pillow that had the image of some male human character with spiky hair on it and with a little work slid it beneath Eda in her nest. The thing may have looked weird but it was comfy as heck and felt great for her sore back. Meanwhile King, still looking regretful about snatching her elixir, had fixed her a mug of apple blood as a peace offering.

While the mixture of alcohol and salty human bird water helped soothe some of her pain, Eda couldn't help but notice her apprentice and her housemate still standing off to the side of her nest. Both of them simply stood and watched as she ate and drank, staying oddly silent and staring at her as if she might disappear mid slurp.

It was almost a little unnerving. She hadn't expected either of them to be this quiet after discovering her curse. She figured Luz would've had her usual million questions about anything magical while King would be demanding to know why she hadn't told him before now. 

Then again, it wouldn't surprise her if they were still too in shock. After all, while she had never been able to witness it herself, she knew her cursed form could be pretty terrifying to see. One person she'd lived with had been so freaked out by it, he hadn't been able to make any noise except terrified squeaks for 3 days.

Plus, the way they found out was pretty sudden. Sure, King shouldn't have stolen her elixir but it wasn't like he knew what it was for or why she took it. In fact, a part of her hoped he'd never find out.

But the cat was off the staff now. She knew that the two of them must still be curious, otherwise they wouldn't still be there. So it was time to witch up and deal with it.

Eda drank the last few dregs of soup from her bowl and drained the rest of her apple blood for a little courage before turning to King and Luz.

"Alright you two. I know you probably want to know more about all this. So, let's have it."

Luz and King took a moment to look at each other, almost seeming to have a full conversation in two seconds before turning back to her.

"No thanks." Luz said.

"Yeah, we're good." King agreed.

Eda blinked in confusion. "What? What do you mean?"

"We don't need to know anymore." Luz explained. "This whole curse thing seems kind of personal and besides you already told us all the important parts. So we don't need to know anything else."

Eda stared at her in stunned silence. She looked to King and was even more surprised to see him nod in agreement.

To say this was not what she'd been expecting would be an understatement.  Where was the yelling at her for putting them in danger? The demanding answers? The blaming her for not telling them about her curse before all this? Heck, the two of them didn't even look that upset. They just still had those weirdly concerned looks on their faces. Maybe they just worried she'd still be mad about them stealing her elixir and were too scared to bring it up.

But that brought another issue to mind. And while she might have become pretty fond of those two, she knew it would only be a matter of time until it came up.

Ignoring the tight feeling in her chest, Eda said slowly. "Listen…..if you guys want to find somewhere else to stay, I understand."

They both became bug eyed.

"What?!" Luz cried.

"What are you talking about?!" King asked.

Eda looked away from them, doing everything she could to keep the wetness in her eyes from turning into full blown tears.

Suck it up. She thought. It's not like you haven't done this before.

"Luz, you could probably see if one of those Hexside kids might be willing to let you stay with them, and King I-."

"You're kicking us out?!" Luz yelled.

"No!" King scrambled into the nest, got onto his knees  and clasped his paws together. "Please Eda, don't!  I'll never be able to find anyone else willing to  let me live with them without paying! If this is about stealing the elixir, I'm sorry! I swear I won't steal anything you don't tell me to!" 

Eda frowned in confusion and turned back to them. "What? No. I mean, yes King, if you steal from me again I'll turn you into a tiny fur rug, but I just meant….you guys really don't want to move out?"

They both looked shocked at her question. "No." "Why would we?"

"Why would- how about  because I could have killed you two last night?" She felt bile begin to build in her throat and not the magical kind. "I could have eaten one of you like I did the snaggleback!"

"Oh come on Eda, it wasn't that-."

"Luz." Eda said, her voice hard. She didn't have it in her right now to deal with Luz sunshine attitude.

Luz must have noticed because she sighed and said. "Okay, look Eda. I'm not going to lie and say that today wasn't terrifying or that I wasn't afraid but….Eda, once I realized that the monster that was chasing after us was you? All I could think about was how I could help or what I could do to get you back. I didn't want to lose you."

Eda stared at her apprentice in complete shock. In her past talks with her living mates after they discovered her curse, they always talked about them . Their safety, their terror at her transformation, their discomfort at having Eda stay around after what happened. But Luz was thinking about her and whether she was okay.

It felt….weird. But in a good way. Kind of like a lot of things Luz did come to think of it.

Eda looked down to where King was still sitting in her nest. "And what about you King? You aren't freaked out by my little secret?"

King shrugged. "Eh, at first it was horrifying but after thinking about, its actually pretty cool. You're a demon just like me! Which technically makes you one of my subjects!"

Eda rolled her eyes. Typical King.

"And, since you are one of my subjects…."

"King, I swear to Titan, if you-."

".....than, that also means you fall under my protection." King finished. He walked over to Eda, climbed into her lap where he curled up into a ball. "If anyone wants to hurt you, they'll first have to go through me!"

Eda couldn't hide the amazement on her face as she gazed down at King. Then she felt something softly touch her shoulder. She looked over and saw Luz had placed a hand on her and was giving her a loving look.

"We're not going anywhere Eda. Us weirdos have to stick together, remember?"

Eda couldn't believe what she was hearing. Even after they both spent the night being terrorized by her and knew about her curse, they still insisted on sticking around.

They weren't going to leave her.

Luz suddenly frowned and looked at her worriedly. "Hey, what's wrong?"

It took Eda a moment to realize that there was a tear streaming down her face. She quickly wiped it away.

"Uh, no Luz, I just, uh, really loved that soup you brought me. There any chance there's some more?"

"I'll go dig through trash for another can!" Luz excitedly sprinted out the door.

Eda looked down at King. "Would my so-called "King" be willing to fix his new subject another apple blood?"

King stood up from her lap and stretched. "I suppose its what any humble ruler would do for his wounded subject." King took her mug and scrambled out of her nest and out the door.

Eda sighed fondly and layed back on her spiky hair human pillow, taking in the sight of the many light orbs that now dotted her ceiling thanks to her apprentice.

We're not going anywhere Eda.

If anyone wants to hurt you, they'll first have to go through me

Eda chuckled. "Thanks you two

[acciocriativity]

Tetrachromat ||Harry Potter

Pairing: Cedrico Diggory x Reader // Hermione Granger x Reader

Summary: In a world where you can see 100 million different shades, every day means a new discovery. But among so many, you find something completely different in someone

Word Count: 2,6k

N / A:  tetrachromatism or tetracromacia comes from the mixture of two words of Greekorigin,"tetra" means "four" and "Chroma" which means "color". A tetrachromat person has 4 cell cones, instead of 3 which is more common, and this makes him sensitive to a wider color spectrum. 

Part II

 I had just come home after a tiring day at work, when I came across a scene that I hadn't seen in a long time. There was a brown owl on the steps of my house, I looked around and then walked over to it, took the letter that was tied to one of its legs, and a few seconds later I saw it flying across the London sky back to Hermione, after all there is no one but her that I know in the Wizarding World. As she was waiting for me there for a long time, I'm sure my parents haven't arrived yet, as they would have let her in. 

I left my bag on the sofa and sat down to read it immediately, I hadn't heard from her in over a year and sometimes I feared the worst had happened. The last thing I received was a warning, she had told me that she couldn't get in touch because she had an important mission to do and that when it was over, we could talk again. 

“Dear friend, 

It has been a week since the war ended, the Wizarding World is turned upside down but we are at peace and rebuilding ourselves now. I'm sending this letter to let you know that I'm going to visit my parents' house in a few days and I would like to see you too. After lunch next Saturday it seems like a good time. 

I have more things to tell you than I can put into words, I would also like to ask you a favor, but we can resolve this later. 

 With love, Hermione. ”

This visit was only the first of many. We talked as far as she could tell me, some issues were still sensitive and very recent and I obviously respected that, but even without many details, knowing the things that happened was difficult to process and she also respected that. 

We started seeing each other more than once a week, my parents managed to help locate Hermione's parents very easily, since our families have been neighbors and close friends for a long time. That was the favor she asked for and I immediately agreed. 

Over the course of two months, things were returning to their proper place and I had been officially invited by the brunette to visit their version of London and of course, I accepted. I was looking forward to that day, in the last letter I received, she told me that she would like to introduce Harry and Ronald, her boyfriend, to me. It is strange to think that I had heard everything about them, literally everything that happened at Hogwarts I knew from letters, but that we never actually talked. 

On the day that the visit was finally going to happen, I was more nervous than I had imagined. At 9 am, I was just getting ready when I heard a huge noise in the living room and for a few seconds I was scared, until I remembered that the girl warned me that this would happen. 

I could hear my parents' voices downstairs and I didn't even have to worry about hurrying, the only thing that caught my attention were the steps on the wooden stairs and then a light knock on the door. 

- Come in, Mione - I replied calmly, knowing who I was as I finished putting on my boots. 

- It's really impressive how you always guess right - she replied with a smile and came in, sitting next to me. 

- It's not very difficult, nobody in this house really knocks on the door before entering, although I keep complaining about it - we both smiled at my comment and I continued - I thought you were going to bring Harry and Ronald - I commented getting up and she immediately laughed , leaving me confused. 

- It is weird to hear you saying "Ronald" so formally, it seems that you do not know him- she explained to me and I had to laugh too.

- I think so too, but as I don't know him personally, it doesn't feel right to be informal, I can't explain it, but anyway, I'm ready to go. 

 We said goodbye to my parents before apparating to a street with several different stores. We walked a lot and it was nice to see how people were happier after all the terror that happened. 

Many people stopped to talk to Mione, she tried to disguise it but I noticed perfectly how well it did her, as if the whole sacrifice was worth it because no one would have to suffer or be afraid anymore. 

It was only at lunchtime that we met with the others at a restaurant, that I had to insist a lot to go and exchange my money because Hermione wanted to pay, since I was the guest of the day. 

Along the way, I noticed how this London is more normal than I imagined it to be, I have to look closely to see the less drastic differences.

- Is it true that you see different colors from everyone ?? - the redhead asked unable to hold himself and I just laughed at Hermione's indignant expression - Ouch! What? It’s not true? - He put his hand behind his head, where he had been slapped by the brunette next to him.  

 We had come in less than 5 minutes ago, I thought it was going to be a lot more uncomfortable than it really was. Right after the introductions, Ronald asked me that question and I admit that I was a little surprised. I had no idea that Mione talked about me for them. 

 

- It is true, colors work in a different way for me. Around everything there are colors popping out before my eyes - I tried to explain as easily as I could with a smile. 

- Around people too ?? Around us now, have colors ?? - his eyes sparkled with excitement when I agreed - what do you see around me ?? - he added with interest in his voice. 

- Many shades of red, blue and orange - I said after analyzing him for a few seconds.

- Hey, it reminds me of that book you gave me. The psychology of colors - her smile opened immediately when she remembered.

- Psychology? It couldn't have a better word for a title? Nobody in their right mind would read that - Ron leaned back in his chair and Harry's posture changed, as if he expected what was coming. 

- That book has the meaning of each color, I like to think that colors describe people but since you are not interested, I will not say it - the two went from water to wine in a matter of seconds.

- We are interested, how could I not have been told about this before ?? - The brown-eyed boy looked at her as if he had been terribly betrayed. 

- We had bigger concerns Ronald, since the first year you two took me into trouble that could have cost our life or our expulsion - she stared at him seriously and not a trace of remorse stamped his face.

- But you don't regret living all these adventures, right? It was fun at least, most of them - he replied leaning over to her with a wide smile. 

- Well, some choices could be decided much more sensibly, we weren't that much of a child - she said moving away to the side as the other approached - what are you doing, Ronald? - her cheeks burned a light pink. 

- What is the definition of red? - Harry said suddenly, taking my attention from the couple next to me, he looked as comfortable as I did. 

- Well, usually strong emotions. Passion, love, anger .. I see it in all of you, but it is not up to me to point out exactly what it means in each case - I said looking at the three since I received attention from the lovebirds. 

- And do you have proof of that? Is it really true ?? - He asked me again, even more curious. 

- In terms of colors and meanings, yes, but as there are few people with my condition, no researcher has identified the relationship of colors with what is around them. I like to believe it's true, so far it's not wrong and I have tested it several times. 

 We continued talking animatedly, even after our orders arrived. The topic of colors continued until everyone was satisfied with their definitions and then they decided to tell me some mini adventures that they lived together, which I still didn't know about. 

- And after all this episode with the spider, he had the courage to say that they didn't do it wrong, as if my head had almost been eaten by mistake - Ron said with wide eyes while gesturing non-stop. 

 We all laughed but I lost focus on the conversation as soon as two men stopped by our table, clearly father and son or something, due to the clear age difference. Both had friendly smiles on their faces, but the youngest one caught my attention the most. 

I just managed to hear an echo in my head of what the conversation was about, I obviously wasn't looking at him because it would be rude and it's not the kind of thing I would have the courage to do shamelessly. 

- We haven't seen each other in a while, Mr. Diggory, oh by the way, this is a friend of mine - Mione nodded at me and I smiled, just before I introduced myself and they did the same.

 Cedric, it’s his name. I remained distracted by my own thoughts until a tap on the shoulder woke me up, they were no longer there but I could tell they were at a nearby table. 

- Hey, I was talking to you - she said with an expression of indignation and a little bit of concern too - oh, finally back to this planet - she completed it as soon as she got my attention again. 

- What were you going to say, Mione? - I felt my face heat up but I tried to hide it as much as possible, the less attention for this moment of mine the better.

 The brunette decided to leave the questions for later and I thanked her internally for that. After we finished eating, it was just the two of us again since apparently both of the boys had plans for the rest of the day. 

- Did something bother you earlier? You didn't even look at us - I heard her say as we walked out of the restaurant.

- Yes, but you don't have to worry about that, I just needed a few seconds to put my head in place - I hadn't even realized what that could mean until I saw the smile on her face. 

- Was just one "hello" enough for your head to get out of place? Not that I'm judging, that's usually how it was at Hogwarts - her tone was a little bit malicious and I instantly slapped your arm. 

- It was nothing like that, I had never seen anyone or anything with so many colors before. He had a rainbow of colors, I couldn't even process it properly - I used the lowest tone I could, after all we were still in public. 

- Are you sure?? Your vision may have confused him with the whole background -  the rational side spoke first and I shook my head - well, it doesn't seem like a coincidence. Cedric has always been the definition of Hufflepuff, I couldn't think of anyone else who could be a rainbow, literally speaking - her smile returned even more prominent. 

 As a last stop, we went back to Diagon Alley because apparently the desserts there were the best. I was about to find out if this is true or not, when Hermione told me she was going to get a book, which really isn't a surprise to anyone, so I enjoyed my chocolate cake alone, sitting at one of the round pink tables. 

- Hey, I didn't expect to see you here - it definitely wasn't a female voice, so as I looked ahead there he was again. 

- I would go anywhere to have such a good cake - we both smiled and I motioned him to sit on the currently empty chair - and what is your reason? I asked with one eyebrow raised. 

- I'm working as a house elf today, my dad ordered a huge order here and I came to get it - maybe I had paid more attention than necessary to his smile, but who can judge me?

- I don't want to disturb you, it must be important - I tried to be the most sincere in those words, but most of me wanted his presence for a few more minutes. 

- He won't mind waiting longer, I couldn't miss the opportunity to spend a few more minutes with such a beautiful girl - he dared to wink at me. 

 Before I could answer, the cashier who also owns the place came to our table personally and what she said made me blush hard. 

- Hello, your father's order is ready, Mr. Diggory and we also have a special promotion for couples, if you are interested - her smile was loving. 

 Cedric was as speechless as I was, both overflowing with redness in our face and the lady did not seem to understand the situation at all, she brought another menu with options for couples to our table before leaving us alone again. 

- This is not what I expected to happen, but this colorful cake looks really good - I blinked slowly and couldn't resist it, I had to laugh and the confused expression on his face made me laugh even more. 

- That was a very HufflePuff way of dealing with the situation and, by the way, you should try it. It suits you after all - I commented before eating my own cake. 

- Do you study at Hogwarts too? I mean, studied when it wasn’t destroyed. 

- Oh no, I'm not a witch. I know a lot about it ‘cause of Hermione, apparently you're quite popular - again I noticed the pink on his cheeks increase and I must say, it's amusing  to watch. 

- Not quite popular for sure, what else you know about me? - He regained his confident posture and raised an eyebrow in my direction. 

- Not beyond what I have already implied, but I would love to know more if it’s okay for you.

 Where did I get that confidence from? I'm not sure, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity and my attitude seems to have taken him by surprise as much as me. The words disappeared from his mouth as I grinned. 

- Is there a problem Cedric? - I was having more fun than I expected this afternoon. 

- I should have asked you out, but you were faster - he said so seriously frustrated but my only desire is  just to laugh.

- Oh, do you want to go out with me? I meant to get to know each other as friends - he stopped to analyze me and I tried to be serious but before he apologized, I held his hand - I was just kidding, I would love to go out with you - I winked at him before letting go. 

- You are really ... my heart is not going to have a minute of peace from now on, is it? 

- I will try to take it easy on you Diggory, but I don't know if I will be able to do it for long.  

 An hour later I left to look for Hermione with a promise from Cedric, we would meet again next week.

Harry Potter Masterlist

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Five)

Memories (also available on Wattpad)

Chapter Four ※※※※※ Chapter Six

Noah parks the car in front of a beautiful house. My stomach churns more every second and I almost throw up when Leah opens my door. I spent the whole way rehearsing what I was going to say, but in truth, I can't remember anything and I have doubts if I will even be able to say ‘hi’.

“Well, Noah's house is down the street, we'll be there. In case it goes wrong, just call, text or shout, I don't know. We come running. Now, just in case you are okay, just don't send anything.” Leah fixes my hair and coat.

“Good luck!” Noah gives me a kiss on the cheek, before they get in the car.

I take a deep breath about five times before I press the bell. I hear the house door open and I almost pass out. Seconds later the gate opens and I feel my pressure drop slightly.

“Marnie? How did you get here?” he looks for a car, but the twins are gone.

“The wonder twins brought me.” I shrug.

“Why are you here?” he doesn't look happy or sad to see me.

“Hm, I need to talk to you. About the two of us, more precisely.” I press my fingers against each other, noticing my trembling.

“Okay, do you need help to get in?” he asks pointing to the boot on my foot. I accept the help and with support I enter his house.

I stand in the hall while he closes the door. We head to the kitchen, where he offers me a drink, but I refuse. If I drink something now, I’m sure I’ll get it out.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” he asks with a fake smile.

“Do you know.” I speak softly and awkwardly.

“About your meeting with Stephen? Yeah, I know.” he raises his eyebrows quickly, before opening a bottle of water.

“Luke …” I start, but he interrupts me.

“What? Isn't that what I'm thinking? Or was he the one who kissed you?” Luke doesn't change his tone of voice, but it still hurts. I am even ashamed to say that it was both alternatives.

“I really had no intention, he took advantage of the moment.” I try to defend myself.

“Yes, Marnie, that's what he does, what he's always done and what he's always going to do.” he look at me upset.

“Please try to understand me, I needed to see him, I needed to talk to him.” I'm starting to despair. It looks like it will come to nothing.

“The worst thing is that I understand, Marnie. I don't know how things are in your head, but if you needed it, we would arrange it, because all we want to do is help you.” he hits the bottle against the island's hail.

“I never wanted any of this to happen.” I look back at him after a while. “Both the accident and Stephen. If I had my head in place, I wouldn't have let any of that happen. Sorry.” Luke cuts eye contact and stares at the floor. “I never meant to hurt you.” I whisper. “And I will understand if you hate me for the rest of your life. Believe me, I hate myself a lot now.” I finish.

Luke lets out a humorless laugh and I notice his teary eyes.

“That's the problem, Marnie. Since I saw you, I try to hate you and I can't, you must know why.” he throws the ball back to me.

Cause he love me. I look away, not being able to sustain it. I know the answer, that's the shit. I sit on the stool facing the glass door leading to his garden. Luke sits next to me and we stay like that for a few minutes.

“I just don't want him to manipulate you, or hurt you. Marnie, I know how this story still moves you, how it is still hurt. I don't want to have to see you go through this again.” he vented, visibly tired.

I can't say anything for a few minutes. My mind spins at high speed. I review all my memories with Stephen at school, on the afternoons he took me to the beach or the pier and everything seemed perfect, like in a movie. I feel my heart race in nostalgia and longing. Even angry, even disgusted.

“When he kissed me …” I start, but Luke tries to interrupt me. “It didn't feel right. It wasn't him.” I finish quickly, returning to face him. His blue eyes look at me with a mixture of pain and hope. “I know I don't remember you and us yet, but something inside me knows and I want to hear that thing, but at the same time, I feel like an intruder in my own life. As if I were an impostor, the bad twin. In my head, I was going to leave everything the way it was, untouchable, so that when the ‘real me’ came back, everything was in place.” I vent.

It is horrible not to fit in with my own life, with my own self.

“What if doesn't come back?” he asks quietly.

“I freak out.” I shrug, making him laugh lightly. At least I made him laugh.

Of so many people at that intersection, of so many cars, mine had to be hit. In the midst of this confusion, if it had to happen, then I would prefer it to be a total blank, forget everything. Perhaps it was easier to start from scratch, than from a crucial point for what I have become today.

“What made you believe the story?” Luke asks quietly.

“I wrote in my diary, shortly after we met and probably I tell you. Everything that happened that day.” my throat closes when I remember the written words. “It was hard to believe my mother, because I know she couldn't stand him, but I couldn't help but believe me.”

“I thought you stopped with the diary.” I look at him confused “That's what you said to me, a while after you told me about the day and about the diary.”

“Did you read the diary?” I ask with my breath caught. I remember everything I said about him. I feel my cheeks heat up. This is what I haven't read all yet.

“No, you never left.” he shrugs. I breathe relieved.

We stayed in silence for a while longer. It is strange that even with all this hurricane, I feel very comfortable with Luke. My body recognizes him.

“Honestly, I'm trying to absorb everything. I'm upset with the kiss, but, deep down, I always knew you weren't to blame, but it still hurts. Deep down, we both know we need some time and I don't want to lock you up to me.” he speaks looking at the garden.

I look at him confusedly.

“Are we breaking up?” I don't know if that's what I wanted.

“It doesn't have to be an end, just a break.” he shrugs.

“Luke, a break, is a disguised ending.” again he laughs, I don't know why.

“Deep down, you're still the same Marnie, even though you feel like an intruder.” he looks at me with a smile and again, I feel intimidated around him. I look away. “I don't want to break up with you, Marnie, but I know you need space and time. Like me. It's just a break, but if you meet someone and don't want to come back… I will understand and respect you.” he explains.

So it seemed easier, meeting someone new, starting from scratch. New memories, without having to stick to the past, without trying to reconstruct everything. It looks so easy, why does it seem so wrong!?

“What if you find someone?” I ask quietly, looking at the drawings of my cast, as if that were a thousand times more interesting.

“I doubt it, but if it does, I'll talk to you first and we'll see what to do. You need to get close to the people and I don't want to be a hindrance, they are your friends too and you need them.”

I need you too, hell. I bounce mentally, without the courage to say it out loud. I know I need him, but I can't make him stay if he doesn't feel comfortable.

“Won't be that weird climate? I don't want it to be that thing just because I arrived, you have to go and vice versa.” I face him. Luke watches me for a few seconds before proceeding.

“There's no reason to be. We are fine, we always have been.” he assures me.

I roll my eyes, visibly irritated. Why does he have to be so understandable? Couldn't he yell at me and hate me? It would be much easier to go on like this.

“You can't be real.” I mumble, making him laugh again, but this time louder.

“Come here.” he gets up and pulls me into a hug.

Luke was taller. Much taller. Then it got a little difficult, without being able to stay at my tiptoes. He notices and sits back down, burying his face in my neck. I close my eyes, feeling its scent bring me a sensation, but it doesn't bring me any memory.

Still hugging him, I scan his refrigerator, seeing a polaroid of ours holding Petunia, his little dog, glued to a drawing. In art, I see Luke, me, Petunia and my brothers all holding hands and several flowers around. I soften seeing that he still keeps everything.

“ I'm sorry.” I whisper again.

“It's okay, M&Ms.” he whispers back.

I leave the embrace, feeling lighter and calmer. Luke still gives me a kiss on the forehead before I pull away completely. As good as the mood was, I was not going to push my luck, I had better go. I send a message to Leah and wait.

“Er, Ash commented on a dinner on Friday, are you going?” I ask.

“Still don1t know.” he sighs. “But it is very likely. You want me to go?” he questions uncertain.

“Yes! I would like it very much. It will be good to be with everyone.”

“Then I go.” he gives a closed smile.

“Er, before I go …” I feel embarrassed again “What about Petunia?”

“Do you remember her?” question incredulously.

“It was one of the first things I remembered in PowerPoint.” I reply shy.

“Do you remember her and not me?” he remains incredulous.

“ I'm sorry.” I don't hold it for a long time, I cover my face and start laughing, really nervous. Luke stops with his hands on his hips, shaking his head.

“Michael went to hike the observatory and offered to take her. Maybe I’ll take her on Friday.” he smiles.

“Thanks!”

I hear the car and say goodbye to him. As I expected, Noah and Leah look closely at the two of us, like two curious children. Luke helps me into the car and gives me another kiss on the forehead.

“Please take good care of her.” he asks leaning against the window.

“I don't know what you mean by that.” Noah is offended. “If you still refer to the day she tried to escape and hung in the bathroom window, it was only once! And I was busy doing my feet.”

“Wait, what?” I ask scared from the back seat.

What the fuck did I hang on the bathroom window?

“Long story, I'll explain later.” Noah counters.

We said goodbye again and left. I stick my head out of the window, waving at him.

I don't know what my future is with Luke, but I was very happy that we got it right. And, deep down, I didn't lose hope, after all, I already fell in love with him once, nothing prevents it from happening again.

“So?” Leah asks.

“We took a break, but we're fine.” I smile happily.

[...]

I leave the closet wearing a black cotton dress, because it was the easiest clothes to wear, because of the boot. The hair stuck in a ponytail, due to the heat. And without makeup, I'm not into it.

“Well?” I ask Noah, who was lying on my bed reading a magazine that I was on the cover.

“Beautiful as always. Ready?” he throws the magazine on the chair, coming towards me.

“No!” I give a nervous smile.

“Everything will be fine. Everyone is crazy to see you. You will love.” he hugs me, rocking me from side to side. “Shall we go?”

I confirm after a sigh. Everyone was at Ashton's house, ready to see me, and as ready as I felt, deep down, I wasn't.

The rest of my week was quiet, few memories, but a lot of pain in my arm, but the doctor said it would be common for one day or another to hurt. My father, my mother, Leah and Ashton came to visit me almost every day and after much conversation, I convinced my mother to return to her home. So at the end of the day, I was alone. Which is great, because I have peace and quiet to put my ideas in place.

On the way to Ashton's house, I go over some points with Noah so as not to be embarrassed, I know they are not expecting much from me, but even so, I prefer to avoid constraints.

As we get closer to the house, I feel my stomach churn. I try to snap my fingers, but with a hand in a cast it doesn't give much. When we park at the door, my legs freeze and I need Noah to help me more than usual to get out of the car.

Noah rings the bell and the laughter that filled the house ceases. Ashton opens the door and, when he sees us, opens a smile, hugging me and pulling me inside. I take his arm and follow him into the living room, where everyone is standing looking at me anxiously.

Michael. Kyleen. Calum. Luke. Leah.

“Piggy!” I shout excited when she comes towards me.

“I still can't get over it.” I hear Luke speak indignantly, but I do not answer, because I am focused on that huge and cute four-legged being.

After falling apart with Petunia, I again lean on Ashton who brings me closer to them. Luke and Leah are further behind, since she practically lives with me and I’ve seen Luke before. I stick to Ash more, like a child afraid and embarrassed to talk to strangers.

“Hi!” I wave after a sigh.

Everyone gives a bigger smile and waves back. It's so weird, the way everyone looks at me, I know they know me and that's what scares me. Ashton sits me on the couch and everyone sits around me, staring at me, like I'm an alien.

“Okay, this is getting weird and uncomfortable.” I comment by holding the air.

“Sorry.” everybody talks.

“It's just… it's weird, you don't remember anything, none of those last years?” Kyleen asks curiously.

“No, no. In fact, I remembered a few things already, but in the beginning, nothing.” I give a closed smile.

“And how do the memories come? Do you have any pain?” I turn to Michael, who looks at me impressed, as if I'm a superhero of the video games that I know he plays.

“No, no pain. Do you know when you drink a lot and have a hangover that you don't remember at first and then during the day, the memories come?”

“Yes!” everyone responds, much to my surprise.

“My God! You guys drink it, huh.” I comment scared. Everyone looks at each other with a laugh. “Well, it's like that. They start popping up in my head. Sometimes out of nowhere, sometimes because of some video, photo or text.”

“Aah” they speak in unison, again.

“Any more questions?” I control the smile. My God, they really look like kids asking questions with an adult.

“Have you remembered all of us?” I look at Kyleen again. Unlike the photos, she now has several strands colored by her long hair.

I dry swallow. How to answer that without causing it?! I had remembered almost everyone but Luke. I had no direct memory of him. If he showed up, it was like an extra, deep down, far away. However, nothing he and I. Soon who I was most curious to remember.

“So-so. Nothing too direct, but everyone has already emerged in some way.” I try to answer, without being very clear.

I glance at Leah almost shouting ‘change the focus’ and luckily for me, she understands.

“What about your arm and your leg? Do they still hurt?” she shrugs.

“Not much and I made a point of reserving a space for you.” I extend the cast of my arm and in less than two minutes, everyone is proofreading to write things.

We ended up eating right there, each with a plate of pizza on your lap. I was still watching everyone, I didn't know who I was looking at, since everyone was talking together. To Noah's happiness, I remembered his hair and again Calum and I were out of breath from laughing.

In revenge, Noah commented on the day that I, drunk, tried to escape through the bathroom window and got stuck, leaving only with a lot of butter. I cover myself with the pillow when he throws the photo, my God what have I become?!

Suddenly, my mind starts to form another puzzle.

““I take a deep breath, feeling my body, especially my head, tingling. It's already the third round and I need to win again. Also because I bet with Ashton that I beat Mike and his friend, that I have no idea who he is.

I kiss the ball and throw it in the direction of the blue cup. The ball rotates around the edge and falls into the cup beside it. I shout with the whole audience at our side, celebrating. Mike turns the glass around reluctantly, while I continue my victory dance.

His friend takes the ball and plays, hitting it too. I turn the glass over, just like Michael a second ago. I blink a few times, already feeling drunk and very light. If a wind hits, I fly away, for sure.

Kiki takes the ball and closes an eye, aiming. I don't know if it's the high and mixed level of alcohol in my blood or if it really happened, but I swear I saw that little ball going in full slow motion into their last glass, signaling our victory. Three-time champions.

I raise my arms, giving, perhaps, the biggest scream I have ever given. I hug Kyleen jumping and spinning in place. However, doing this drunk is not the best option, since in a few seconds, Kiki and I were sinking into the pool.

I come back to the surface watching Mike roll over on the floor laughing and Noah looking at us both confused and angry, as always he was responsible for us. Poor boy."”

I resolve not to interrupt the conversation about the trip to Hawaii. Michael was laughing out loud as they left that Mark alone in the market. Leah once again withdraws in regret.

“Say, the sex was very good, right? Because you stayed with him for three months, something had to be really good.” Calum asks.

“Worse than not, I pretended every time.” At once, the whole room explodes in laughter. “It was a difficult time and he was always available.” she tries to justify herself. “And so complaining about it, worse than Mark just Emery.” she points to Ashton and everyone says "uuh".

“What?” I ask lost. “Was she boring?”

“Boring? Boring?” Mike raises his voice indignantly. “Luke is boring, she was unbearable.” I hold my laughter watching Luke look at Mike in offense.

“ I'm not boring.”

“Of course it is, I don't know how Marnie put up with you and your little jokes.”

“Because you never heard hers.” Luke counters and now I feel offended.

“Hey! My jokes are not bad.” I throw the cushion at him.

“Damn the jokes, let's talk bad about Emery.” Kyleen begs sly.

“I was afraid of her. She entered Calum's house by jumping over the wall, who does that?” Mike reveals.

“Was my house a pet and the hotel room in Denmark? It came out of nowhere. But nothing beats Mitch's birthday party.” Calum raises his eyebrows and once again, everyone is laughing, remembering.

“What?” but does it cost them to tell everything at once?

Noah once again takes out his cell phone and hands it to me. The video shows me and most likely Emery, tangled in a blur of hair pulling and scratching.

“That's not me.” I say in total shock to see my face very well lit.

“Oh, yes it is.” Noah answers.

“In total anger held for four long months.” Calum complete.

I watch Luke trying to get away from her, while Jack from All Time Low, tries to hold Emery. In the background I notice Calum sitting drinking, watching everything in peace. Noah was trying to get in the middle like Ashton. Leah and Kyleen shouted angrily for me to punch Emery and Michael… well.

“Who recorded this?” I ask seeing everyone pointing Michael. I look at him in awe. “Michael!”

“You wanted me to do what? I had been waiting for this moment for months.” he defends himself.

“But why did this happen?” I hand the phone back to Noah.

“Because Emery was kind of obsessive and crazy!?” Kyleen answers quietly, before drinking the beer.

“Emery never liked you and the girls, but mainly you because of our friendship. Because we were doing yoga all day. She was very jealous and you knew it, but you stayed in your corner, didn't provoke her.” Ashton responds with a grimace, perhaps knowing that the ex affair's paranoia was nonexistent. “Until that day, Emery, I don't know, freaked out and both started to argue.”

“Until you freak out and fly on her like a lioness.” Leah completes with a smile on her face.

“My God what have I become?” I sink on the couch, astonished.

“Calm down, we didn't even tell you about the time you climbed on Calum’s roof to jump into the pool and got stuck in your pants.” Michael ‘tries’ to calm me down.

[tyunniverse]

Midnight Crisis

pairing: huening kai x reader

genre: fluff (?)

word count: 1728

synopsis: huening kai gets woken up by his neighbor's alarm every midnight and finally decides to do something about it

There it is again.

Kai lies awake in his bed, eyes heavy and dark circles evident. He stares at the ceiling, trying his best to cancel out the noise that's been plaguing his mind for countless nights but to no avail. He's grown to hate the noise with each passing day. It's been like this ever since he moved in two months ago.

The first night was bearable, he'd assumed that his neighbor had something important to do at midnight. After all, it wasn't unusual for a college student to be up that late to finish an assignment. The first week was excusable. Kai figured that they must be working on an extremely important project that couldn't wait until morning to be finish. The next few weeks were hell. He thought he'd be immune to the alarm blasting through his walls but he wasn't. It sounds off for five minutes and after that, waits another five minutes more to go off again. His suffering doesn't end until it nears 1 am, and if he's lucky, it'll end before 00:30. This became the norm for Kai.

But the alarm had been going off for more than an hour. A hundred thoughts go through Kai's mind. Should he just try to go back to sleep? At this point that seemed impossible. He'd tried a hundred times before and it never worked. Should he just stay up until it ends? He'd be tired by morning but that's the safest possible decision. But what if this goes on until sunrise? He can't risk falling asleep in class when he had a presentation first thing in the morning.

Kai bunches the his blanket in his hands. "Why me?" He groans, shifting to the side to check his phone. His classmate, Beomgyu, had left him a message a few hours ago.

Hyuka, I can't make it to class tomorrow. I'm at the hospital with my roommate. Sorry, but I think you have to do the presentation on your own tomorrow. I promise I'll make it up to you.

Great.

Given the news and the loud pinging of the alarm, Kai decides that he has had enough. He can't deal with the stupid alarm going off every night, especially when he really needed the rest.

He hops out off bed, grabbing a hoodie from his closet and putting it over his shirt before storming out of his room.

—

You were beyond tired.

The classes you had on that day had all conducted tests, leaving your brain fried by the time you got home. You immediately pass out once you reached the comfort of your bed, not even caring to change out of your clothes. Your mind peacefully drifts into sleep, remembering that you had something to look forward to at 1 am.

You never forget to set your alarm. Sometimes, it was hard waking up in the middle of the night when you're having such a good time sleeping, but you made sure that it went off every five minutes until you're forcibly awoken by it's blaring sound.

The drama your best friend, Soobin, had recommended to you had been the highlight of your day since the beginning of the semester. School has been nothing but the source of your stress and you found that watching the new episodes every night helped you get through it and prepare yourself for anything to come. Little did you know that your energy booster had become the bane of someone else's existence.

"Excuse me!"

You were woken up by the sound of loud banging on your door. Having just come to your senses, your eyes wander to you phone that had been blasting your alarm since 12 am. You reach out to it, checking the time and panicking once you saw that it was way past the time slot for your drama. It was about to finish.

"Shit." You scramble towards your laptop, hoping to at least see if there was still hope to watch it until your attention was brought back to the loud banging on your door.

"Excuse me! Is anyone in there?"

You frown. "Who the hell disturbs people in the middle of the night?"

The place was quiet for a while until the banging came back. You take one last glance at your laptop before treading towards the door. You grab anything heavy along the way in case things get a little weird with your unexpected visitor.

Kai rubs his eyes as he waits for his neighbor's door to swing open. His ears perk up when he hears shuffling behind the door. It opens for about an inch wide, raising a few questions in Kai's mind.

"Do you need something?" You speak out from behind the door.

Kai's brows knit as he leaned a little closer. "It's me, Huening Kai, from room 208. I need to talk to you about something but isn't refusing to open your door a little rude?"

"Oh, sorry." You relax once you realize that the visitor wasn't a threat. You'd seen him a lot on your way to your room but you've never interacted before. All you know was that he seemed like a pretty nice guy. "Ah," You look up at him. He looked kinda cute despite his tired look. His messy hair had almost entirely covered his eyes and his hoodie had a molang print on the side. "But isn't it also a little rude to bang at your neighbor's door at 1 am?" You ask him, brows raised.

Kai purses his lips, trying his best to hold off on snapping at you. He was truly at his limit. "Not when that neighbor has kept me up for the past two months with their stupid alarm?"

"What are you— oh." You cut yourself off upon realizing the entirety of the situation. Maximum volume. You had set your alarm at maximum volume to make sure you never missed an episode. It had barely been effective on you but it sure did its work on your neighbor. In hindsight, you should've seen this coming.

Kai watches as you space out and decides to just tell you then and there instead of waiting for you to invite him inside. "Uh, listen." His hands fidget, trying to get through the awkwardness. "You must have something important to do but please be responsible with your alarm. It's ringing has kept me awake since the start of the semester and I haven't gotten a good night's sleep since. I have a presentation later and I really need to get some sleep before that, so can you please tone the alarm down or just shut if off? I don't think I can survive another night like this."

There he had it.

Kai felt a bit better. He should've done this sooner. His problems would've been solved by then. He figured that you'd apologize and stop your alarms since by now, the two of you have probably reached an understanding.

"I understand your side, I really do." You tell him, looking up at his now smiling form. "But I can't lower the volume." His smile disappears.

"What?"

"I can't wake up if it's not at maximum volume. Please understand, I need this in order to wake up." You insist.

Kai didn't know how to react. He'd been so sure that you'd cooperate that any other responses would have rendered his mind blank. "What?" He repeats. "Then, can you at least tell me why it's so important for you to be awake at this hour?"

You cant. You can't tell him.

The moment he finds out that you were willing to sacrifice his sleep for the drama you've been watching, he'd never let you hear the end of it. "I have a project and it needs to be finished by tomorrow."

Kai crosses his arms, frowning. "So you're saying you have an important project every single night?"

You hold your breath. "Yes?"

"Yes?" Kai scoffs. "Please tell me you're joking."

"I'm serious!" You wage him off. "I really do have one!"

Kai takes a peek at your room and sighs. "Then bring it here. The least you can do is prove that you're telling the truth. I can't keep suffering like this, Y/N."

Hearing your name made you nervous. Of course he'd known your name, he had delivered your packages a few times when it ended up in front of his doorstep by mistake. What's worse, he wanted you to show him the project you made up on the spot to hopefully escape the situation. Your mind goes blank, and there's only one thng that passes through it despite being fully aware that this solution was only temporary.

"I'm sorry!"

"Huh?"

Kai freezes in his spot as the door slams shut in his face. He hears you run back imto the safety of your room and he's left standing there, speechless. It takes him a few seconds to register what had just happened.

"Hey!" He reaches out for your door knob, twisting it a few times before giving up and knocking on the door. "Y/N? Y/N! Open up! We're still not done talking!" He knocks a few more times. "Hey!"

You snicker, hellbent on ignoring him and focusing on what's left of your show. Even if it's just the ending of the episode, it was enough to at least get you through tomorrow.

The episodes starts loading after a few clicks and you move to get your headphones. That's when you realize that Kai had finally stopped bothering you for the night. A smile creeps in your face as you feel a mixture of relief and guilt. "I'm sorry, Kai, but I need this."

You plug your headphones in and was about to focus on the episode when a loud alarm starts blasting through the walls of your room. Eyes wide, you check your phone to see if your alarm had beem turned off. It had been dead ever since you got up, which meant that the sound could only be coming from the room next door.

You jump when you hear a rather loud laugh coming from Kai's room, followed by him banging on your shared wall. Your phone buzzes with a notification and you check it.

Hey there, neighbor! If I'm not gonna get any sleep then so are you. Suffer with me >3<

[sidhelives]

Leather and Lace

Fen'Harem Gift Exchange 2020

For Jukkari 💕

Full text under Read More

They had spent months beating around the bush. Months of short, professional meetings punctuated by playful jabs and coy smiles. There was something there, even if no one else could see it, she felt it. Like flint and steel they struck against each other and made sparks. They had spoken about it once, agreed that the sentiment behind the flirting was mutually genuine, and… nothing had changed.

Julseithe wanted it to change. She wanted to cup that precious face between her hands and find out what her lips tasted like. She wanted to share a moment that wasn't surrounded by dozens of other people watching her, worshiping her.

She didn't want to be the Inquisitor and Scout Harding, she wanted to be Julseithe and Lace.

Seeing her in the courtyard, Julseithe made the sudden decision that today would be the day it changed. She didn't know how long the scouts would be in Skyhold: they were always moving, brushing in and out of the fortress with more regularity than she did herself, which said a lot. It had to be today, and it had to be now, before she lost her nerve.

Her legs felt heavy and awkward as she crossed the yard, like a newborn halla learning to walk, and she could feel her heart pounding against her ribs. She opened her mouth to call out a greeting and found her tongue bone dry. Before she could wet it and try again, Lace noticed her and waved. Julseithe saw a brightness come to the dwarf's eyes that she wished beyond hope was because of her.

"Scout Harding. Good to see you somewhere not infested with Venatori for a change," Julseithe managed, finding her voice.

"I do need the occasional break, and the free drinks are nice." Lace grinned, nodding her head towards the Herald's Rest.

She had such a beautiful smile. Her eyes sparkled like dew covered grass at dawn. "Would you care for one now?" Julseithe plowed ahead, not allowing herself time to think about the words spilling from her lips. "Since it's my treat either way."

If the invitation surprised Lace, she hid it well. She was, Julseithe reminded herself, the Inquisition's lead scout, it would be more strange if she did visibly react.

"I think I would. Thanks, Inquisitor."

"You can call me Julseithe you know." She spoke too quickly, her nerves creeping up on her.

"Oh? How about Jules?"

"You can call me whatever you want." Julseithe bit her tongue. Too much.

Lace chuckled. "Well alright then, Jules. Shall we go in for that drink?"

She was sure her cheeks were pink, she could feel the heat radiating from them. "Let's." She got the door, holding it open for the scout, and they wordlessly drifted to a table set into a nook in the wall. It was the closest thing to privacy the tavern contained.

"You a mead or an ale woman?" Lace asked as Julseithe sat.

"Mead. Thanks," she responded.

With a curt nod, the dwarf turned and headed for the bar. This left Julseithe alone with her thoughts, which was quite possibly the worst-case scenario. Anxiety ricocheted inside her, colliding with the butterflies in her stomach and making her momentarily nauseous. Get it together Lavellan, she chided herself. It was only Harding after all. They had flirted and joked together dozens of times before, this was no different.

Except that it was different. Different was the entire point.

"Here we are." Lace plopped the full tankard in front of Julseithe with a clank that made her jump. The dwarf laughed apologetically. "Sorry! Didn't mean to startle you. Can't really figure out how to turn off the sneaky anymore."

Julseithe returned a shaky laugh, uncomfortable with her own discomfort. She was the mother-fucking Inquisitor, this shouldn't be this hard. "What are you drinking?"

Lace slid into the seat opposite her and shrugged. "I'm an ale woman myself. Mead is just too, I don't know, sweet for me I guess."

You're sweet enough all on your own anyway. The words were there, they were perfect, but they stuck to Julseithe's tongue like raw nut butter. She cleared her throat. "So how are things going? I haven't seen you since the Hissing Wastes."

"Well, I'm still cleaning sand out of places it has no right being." Lace smirked. "But good otherwise. What about you?"

"Me? Oh, I've been keeping busy. Even when I'm not out closing Rifts and fighting dragons, Josephine keeps me busy with diplomatic meetings."

Lace made a face of disgust. "That sounds worse."

Julseithe laughed, some of her unease receding. "It is. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the Orlesians. No matter how many I meet I never get used to the masks."

"It's weird, isn't it? Like they're always hiding something from you. How do you have a real conversation with someone when you know they're keeping something from you?"

Lace's voice was casual, but Julseithe's anxiety spiked. She laughed, hoping it didn't sound as uncomfortable as she felt, and took a drink, hiding her expression with the tankard. She wasn't keeping anything from Lace, for Mythal's sake she was trying to tell her. Her diversion backfired as Julseithe choked on the thick, sweet mead in her haste and she ended up sputtering like a fool, one fist held against her mouth.

"You okay there, Inquisitor?" Lace tipped her head to one side.

"I'm fine," Julseithe coughed again. "Completely fine. What happened to Jules?"

A flush crept up Lace's cheeks. "Right. Jules. Old habits I guess." She rubbed the back of her neck in a way that reminded Julseithe of Cullen's awkward manner.

The blush made Julseithe's heart race. Do it now.

"There was something I wanted to talk to you about."

Lace recovered her composure, the blush fading, seemingly relieved for the apparent change in subject. "Of course, what's on your mind?"

"I know you said we should talk more about… things after Corypheus was defeated…" Julseithe took a deep breath before plowing ahead. "But I was thinking that we could talk about them sooner than that, like maybe now, or maybe not now but soon, just the two of us."

All the color seemed to drain from Lace's face. "Like… a date?"

Julseithe backpedaled as quickly as she could. "Only if you wanted to, of course. This is fine, just talking about not that, I don't want to put you on the spo—"

"Yes." Lace cut her off, color rushing back to her face until she appeared plum, washing away her freckles.

"Oh," Julseithe caught her breath, leaning back slightly. "Great."

"Where did you have in mind?" Lace didn't look at her as she asked, eyes trained deep into her tankard, and the blush had not faded.

Shit.

Julseithe had not considered that far out.

"I, well, I hadn't actually gotten that far," she blurted honestly, feeling her face approaching a similar hue to Lace's.

Lace peeked over the edge of her tankard at the other woman. "Maybe we could just, take a walk?" She gave an awkward shrug. "The ramparts are usually deserted."

Julseithe blinked at her, dumbfounded. "You mean now?"

Lace nodded, making the whispy curls around her face bob merrily. "I have nowhere to be."

Don't lose steam now Julseithe.

"That sounds perfect." Her voice sounded sure. Hearing it almost made her believe it. She pushed up from her seat too hard, making the chair bump roughly into the wall causing them both to start. A chuckle bubbled out of her throat.

The great Inquisitor, Herald of the Illustrious Andraste, making a fool of herself over a pretty girl.

The laughter was contagious and Lace's blush faded as they both fell into peals of giggles.

"Sorry about that," Julseithe offered, wiping her eyes.

Lace laughed again as she got to her feet. "Don't worry about it. Now when I trip over my own feet and fall on my face it won't seem so dramatic."

They left the tavern, silent except for the anxious buzzing in Julseithe's ears. She cleared her throat to break the strange quiet, which drew Lace's eye. "Do you really think you'd trip?"

"Nerves turn my feet to nugs," she offered as explanation.

Julseithe slowed her pace as they began to climb the stairs. "You're more nervous around me than when you skulk past enemy lines?"

Lace laughed, her perfect teeth catching the sun and making Julseithe's heart flutter. "No competition. The worst a bear or rogue Templar could do is kill me."

"What could I do that's worse than that?" They reached the rampart's peak and, clear of the walls, a gust of wind pushed Julseithe's nut-brown hair across her face. Sputtering, she brushed it aside to find Lace looking at her with a sweet, warm smile.

"That for one." She laughed, then sobered. "Or the way you chew on your lip when you think. The way your hands flutter around your dagger sheaths when you're nervous. You smile and everyone around you can't help but smile too. A million little things that stop my heart."

Julseithe was so red her mouth couldn't find words, she gaped at the dwarf, lips opening and closing before she swallowed hard and found her voice. "You're much better at this than me," she admitted.

"I've been… preparing for a while I guess you could say." Lace's smile was a mixture of sheepish pride

"You're definitely better at that than me." Julseithe remarked and they both laughed.

As Lace had guessed the ramparts were empty except for the two of them, and Julseithe found herself chewing on her lip as they walked. "Could I— I mean, would you be alright if I—" she floundered. Lace had known exactly what to say and she couldn't get out a whole sentence. "Creators save me. May I hold your hand?"

"I'd like that." She offered her hand.

Julseithe knew she looked like an idiot as she took the smaller woman's hand, wearing what Varric called her "shit-eating grin," but she wasn't much concerned with how she looked. Lace's hand bore the telltale calluses of bow work but between these rough patches was soft as silk.

"I haven't been preparing," Julseithe admitted. "So I don't think I can be exactly as eloquent as you were…" She glanced down at Lace's face and found her smiling encouragingly. "But I— well, I just think you're the kindest, prettiest, most interesting person I've ever met. I miss you when I'm gone, or you're gone, or even when we're both here but not together. I love your eyes, and your freckles, and your smile. I think about you all the time, I want to kiss you—"

She inhaled sharply and clenched her eyes shut, feet stalling midstep.

She'd said too much.

Dirthamen take her, she should have known she'd flub it up.

"I think you should."

Julseithe's eyes fluttered open in surprise. Lace was pink, one foot tucked behind the opposite ankle, nervously rubbing up and down.

"You do?" Her heart was hammering in her ears.

Lace nodded quickly. "I don't know if it's really allowed, you're the Inquisitor after all, and I'm, well I'm nobody, but I'd like to kiss you too—"

Julseithe cut off Lace's words, leaning down to press their lips together. She let her eyes drift closed and Lace squeezed her hand in surprise or excitement, but she didn't pull back.

Her lips were so soft and she smelled like fresh rain.

Julseithe relaxed into the kiss, letting her free hand drift up to cup the woman's face, thumb trailing ever so softly over her cheek.

It was better than she imagined, and she had imagined it often.

Reluctantly Julseithe broke the kiss and looked into Lace's clear green eyes. "How was that?"

"Better than I imagined," Lace replied with a breathy chuckle.

Julseithe couldn't stop the laughter that spilled from her throat, water coming to her eyes.

"What's so funny?" Lace tugged on her arm, blushing again.

"I was thinking exactly the same thing." Julseithe confessed.

The slight frown creasing Lace's brow cleared and she echoed Julseithe's laughter. "Do you think it gets better?"

"I think we should definitely try to find out."

[faint-waves-music]

Discussing Far East Winter.

My new EP, Far East Winter has been a very interesting EP to make and because of that, I wanted to write something of an article in regards to it. So, here we are! I'm going to discuss the background of this EP, my influences, inspirations, some of the ideas I had with this record, a short run through of each track, and a few things I learned along the way. Hopefully this is an informative and interesting read and hopefully you enjoy the record, too.

I had contemplated doing an EP of this nature for some time, in fact, you can hear my earliest inclinations toward this idea on my "Cherry Blossom" single from 2017. I've always been a lover and admirer of sounds from all over the world, but music and sounds from the East and the far East have always really caught my ear. I think so many of the instruments and the scales/notation they tend to use are absolutely beautiful. The only reason I hadn't done this sooner, is because I didn't want to do this just to do it and because I'm not sure I was totally ready to. If I was going to do it, I wanted to do it some semblance of justice. If "Cherry Blossom" was me seeing if I could pull it off at all, "Far East Winter" is the more refined, realized vision of incorporating these elements into my music.

As far as who/what inspired and influenced this record, I'd say it was a good mixture of eastern and non-eastern artists. Many of my ideas were informed by Roxy Music, Prefab Sprout, Tears For Fears, Vangelis, Hiroshima, Kitaro, Hiromitsu Agatsuma, and Himekami, just to name a few. I was in a creative space where I also wanted to kind of continue the easy listening/downtempo/adult contemporary-inspired direction I've been taking Faint Waves since 2017, but I had to do something interesting to really change the pace a bit and since I wanted to do a winter release, I knew the sound couldn't just be sunshine and ocean waves. The result is a more winter-into-spring sounding EP, not necessarily dark or discordant sounding, but a bit more bittersweet and melancholy in places. That's not to say there aren't hopeful moments, as the first and final tracks on the EP are a bit more optimistic than the rest, indicating glimmers of hope amongst the moodier parts of the record.

Much of the record I think has a very soft rock and sophistipop vibe, but there are few moments that are a bit more downtempo, new age, or experimental. I also made some stylistic choices on this EP that kind of set it apart from other things I've done, namely with the drums and bass. I've often relied on a fretless bass emulation for many (the vast majority, actually) of my songs, it's been a tried and true element and staple in the music I've made. However, I felt this record warranted something different, so I've switched things up and used a finger style bass emulation. It has a much deeper sound and I think has given the record a bit more of a soft rock or vintage R&B vibe. As for the drums, I made a similar stylistic decision to go after more of an organic feel. So, rather than using solely Roland and Linn samples as I have in the past, I opted to use more live sounds. That doesn't mean I haven't used those Roland and Linn samples at all, as they're still in the mix. Many of the songs feature a live kick drum layered with a Linn kick and on "Lovers In The Cold", you can very clearly hear the use of a CR-78 hat sample alongside the rest of the drums. Small changes in the grand scheme of things but I think they've made a big difference in the overall feel of the EP.

The first song I had completed and the one that really solidified the fact that I was doing this, was "Lovers In The Cold", which ironically became the last track on the EP. "Lovers In The Cold" is a bit of a sophistipop track with both western and eastern instrumentation, including a Xylophone, Sax, an Erhu (a violin-like instrument of Chinese origin), and a brilliant emulation of the Ruan (a plucked instrument of Chinese origin). I'd say the sound and structure were most influenced by acts like Hiroshima and Roxy Music, while the blocky pad chords remind me more of Prefab Sprout. It's definitely a pretty layered track for me, lots of moving parts. The way I've always seen the song, structurally, is as an argument between two lovers. Xylophone is one party, while the Erhu is another. The Xylophone is very quick moving and aggressive but the Erhu is more relaxed and to the point. They have this back and forth, but every other time the Erhu comes in, there's one extra note that wasn't played the previous time. So, it's almost like someone is getting the last word in there. Then, you have this kind of breakdown in the song where everything slows down a bit and rather than them playing separately, you have the Xylophone and the Erhu playing simultaneously. Going along with the two lovers metaphor, that part of the song could be them reconciling, working together to make things work before everything falls apart again.

There were a lot of demos with this EP, more than maybe any other EP I've ever made. A lot of stuff didn't make the cut or just plain didn't get finished. The next track that saw completion after "Lovers In The Cold" was probably the fourth song I had made overall and it's a tracked called "Only Tonight", which was loosely inspired by "Advice For The Young At Heart" by Tears For Fears. This track was one that definitely went through a lot of changes before it became what it was. It started out very synthpop, with these big electronic strings, before I transitioned to a more organ-centric sound. It took quite a few demos for it to start to take shape as it is now, a piano ballad. I think after the organ became integral to the song, the drums were what really started to make it take shape. Those drums, at least where they start initially, have a very Burt Bacharach feel. That shaker-sidestick combo he's so fond of. It starts in that kind of Bacharach-like place but as the track goes on, the drums get a little more aggressive and eventually the sidestick is replaced with a snare. For the piano, I didn't want a big sound because the organ/bass combo was already doing that for me, so it's pretty much this continuous riff of single notes. Then the piano is accompanied by a Shamisen (a stringed instrument of Japanese origin) and later on, a sax. The track also features a Vibraphone and a Gong sample. The Vibraphone is this kind of arpeggiated-sounding series of a few notes, it really gives the track an underlying sense of movement and urgency. "Only Tonight" is an interesting one because I feel like it became what it is very naturally, but it did take some time to get there. Glad I didn't give up on it though, as it's a favorite of mine.

After that, I think came "Snow Summit", which also went through a lot of changes as it went on. It's kind of a weird one. It doesn't sound like it at all, but it was pretty Vangelis inspired. Vangelis, Yello, and Kitaro are the big inspirations for that one. It went through a lot of changes and I don't think I was ever really sure the track "worked", so to speak. Once I laid down the bass for it, I feel like it all clicked a bit better, but it's still by far one of the most oddball tracks I've ever produced. It was inspired by a Yello song called "Homer Hossa", which if you aren't familiar with, is basically just a lot of sound effects, percussion, and little actual melody. "Snow Summit" is kind of that way, except it basically has this big brass backing track accompanying all these weird sounds. I think my intention with it, is that I wanted it to be as foreboding and endless feeling as the summit of a mountain would be. You're cold, the wind is blowing, there's snow everywhere, and you can see for literally miles. That kind of thing is intimidating and I think I wanted to convey that with this noisy, aimless kind of a track. It's probably the most "experimental" thing I've done. Huge brass, eastern percussion, simulated wind, white noise stabs, and huge bass drops. That's "Snow Summit" in a nutshell.

After that, came "Hatsukoi". Hatsukoi translates to first love, if you're curious. I knew I wanted a beautiful opening song for the EP and after drawing a blank for a long time, this is what materialized. Inspired by Kitaro and to a lesser extent Himekami, "Hatsukoi" is a bit of a new age jaunt. It's basically comprised of strings, a few different kinds of percussion (both eastern and western), a Celeste, a Pipa (a four stringed instrument of Chinese origin), a Xylophone, wave sfx, and bird sfx. This track doesn't really develop beyond the first couple minutes, but I found it very lovely and relaxing and didn't feel the need to add to it. I had a few demos where a flute came in the second half but it was just overkill in my opinion. It's a bit more hopeful and warm than everything else on the EP. It's very much in line with some of the more atmospheric, new age inspired things I've done. It's very much Kitaro by way of Faint Waves, in my opinion. I'd love to explore that kind of sound more in the future, to the degree of acts like Kitaro or Himekami. That kind of Electronica-meets-New Age-and-Classical sound is always brilliant. Exploring that sort of thing could be an EP or album in it's own right, but for this release, I wanted a balance of downtempo/chilled vignettes with more deliberate/aggressive songs.

The next song that came to be was actually an older, unfinished demo that I had lying around. "Tao Of Knowing" originally started as "Charm", a new wave/sophistipop song inspired by Johnny Hates Jazz and Tango In The Night-era Fleetwood Mac. "Charm" was originally much more electronic and instead of a Koto (a stringed instrument of Japanese origin) carrying the song, it was a piano. I revisited this song during my time producing Far East Winter and I found, with a few changes, that it would fit the record. I changed quite a few things; the key changed, the chiffer lead at the beginning of the song became a Shakuhachi (a flute-like instrument of Japanese origin, derived from the Chinese bamboo flute), the main piano riff became a Koto, the poppy drum samples were replaced with the ones I was using for this EP, and I wound up writing a new pad for it as well. Once I had made those changes, the song still went through a few more permutations before it became the song you hear on Far East Winter. The song has a very mystical feel and I think that sets it apart on the EP, in a good way. The original demo had a very new wave feel to it and I think a little bit of that is still intact, particularly in the drums. This one may also be one of the more aggressive sounding songs in the Faint Waves canon, too. Very in your face at times.

The last song to be completed was "City Street". I knew from the beginning that "City Street" was going to be a short interlude kind of a song. My general vision for it from the get go was very similar to how it came to be, I knew I wanted to be very ambient and atmospheric, and to feature a Rhodes. That's exactly how it turned out but I just couldn't seem to get it to materialize. At first, I tried to make the song quicker and more urban sounding, to coincide with the name. It just wasn't working, so I scrapped almost everything except the percussion I had. The percussion I did have, I wound up changing quite a bit, leaving pretty much the bare minimum. Once I was happy with the percussion, I layered a few different sound effects. One was of nighttime ambience (crickets/frogs/etc.), another was just general city noise, and the final was of a little bit of traffic. After that came the Rhodes, which I pretty much treated almost as a pad as I wrote and produced it. I applied a lot of effects to it, reverb and delay mostly, so it would kind of linger well beyond the length of the notes would allow. On top of that, I used a Pipa again, I actually recycled a melody from another song of mine ("Congo") for that and adjusted the notes accordingly. The end result is a very soundscapey interlude that's heavy on ambiance, maybe slightly reminiscent of Kenji Kawai. Good for falling asleep to maybe, as much of my catalogue is.

In conclusion, I learned a lot going into this EP and coming out of it. I did a lot of reading and listening, trying to understand what they were doing as far as Eastern instrumentation and notation were concerned. Reading and learning about scales like the Japanese In Sen scale, as well as putting them to use, was incredibly challenging and fun. I made more songs for this one EP, than I have any release before, and it's because of what I was working with. There's a real beauty and true uniqueness to the music and culture on that side of the world that we don't often see. They do things in music that the West never has and likely, never will. I think my research and desire to understand, is what made this EP so special to me, as well as what has made the EP sound so unique in comparison to the rest of my material. I might have done some familiar things but I don't think I've ever made anything similar to what I've made here. In many ways, I feel like I needed to do a project like this, just to stretch my legs a bit and get out of my comfort zone. This record is a sign of things to come, not in the sense that I'll necessarily be making another record like this, but in the sense that my next record will be just as different. So, stay on your toes and enjoy.

- Faint Waves.