#it's about her choices and trusting herself

[fortunxa]

── .✦ H E A D C A N O N #4

Jinx likes to record your intimate moments.

#cw. Jinx x fem!reader (established relationship), recording kink, voyeurism, masturbation (implied), vulnerability/soft!Jinx, praise. mdni .ᐟ.ᐟ

Jinx masterlist ⭑.ᐟ

Jinx doesn’t just fuck you—she documents you. Like a little project. Like a perverted art piece she’s building one moan at a time. She’s shameless about it, too. No warning, no asking, just a low “Keep going, baby,” as the shutter sound clicks and your naked body flashes across her phone screen.

She loves catching you mid-moan, mouth open, eyes half-rolled, fingers digging into the sheets. Sometimes, it’s her hand between your legs. Sometimes, it’s her strap buried deep inside you, camera in one hand, the other pulling your hair back so she can capture the way your face contorts when you’re taking all of her. “Smile for me,” she murmurs, voice hoarse, soaked in lust. “Just for a second, baby.”

And she records on anything. Whatever’s closest. Phone when she’s impatient, camcorder when she wants to savor it—the one she thrifted and makes everything look like a cursed VHS from 2004.

You had laughed the first time she brought it to bed, teasing her like it was just another one of her chaotic whims, but Jinx had been serious. “Let me show you how I see you,” she said.

That is how it began.

Now, it’s ritual.

Jinx likes to play director. Not in a bossy way—okay, maybe a little—but in that obsessive, breathless way she does everything. She likes controlling the angles, the lighting, the timing. She likes watching you fall apart frame by frame, pixel by pixel.

Big red record button, mounted on a makeshift tripod. She takes her time, makes you stay still while she adjusts the frame, gives you little teasing commands—“Arch more, baby—yeah, like that. Show the camera what I do to you.”

She always starts with a soft purr: “Don’t mind the red light, baby—just wanna keep you forever.” Then she whispers in your ear, breath hot and full of wicked delight, “Say hi to the camera, sweetheart.” And when you hide your face, flushed and wrecked, she just giggles and coos, “You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed. Don’t worry, it’s just for me.”

Sometimes it’s messy—rushed, breathless, the tripod askew because Jinx couldn’t wait. Other times she sets everything up like a scene: candles, her little speaker playing something low and sultry, you spread out on her sheets while she zooms in on every inch of you she loves. She bites her lip while watching you through the viewfinder—softly praising, perving, worshipping.

Sometimes, she turns the lens on herself, too. She likes the way her pupils blow wide when your lips trace her stomach, how her hips arch into the frame. She likes the tension in her jaw, the twitch of her smile when you make her moan. She likes remembering. Replaying. Reliving.

Jinx never trusted her memory.

Feelings slip through her fingers too fast—like static, like smoke. One second she’s shaking in your arms, full and fucked and floating, and the next, it’s gone. Nothing but skin cooling too fast and a brain already racing somewhere else. But when she films, she can trap it. Every twitch. Every gasp. Every second. It’s more than sex or porn. It’s proof—proof that it happened, that she’d been wanted that much, touched that deep, fucked so thoroughly her brain had no choice but to shut up and let her feel.

Proof you’ll never be this for anyone else.

Proof you were hers.

Proof you still are.

And she thinks, God, that’s me. That’s mine. That happened. It’s real. It’s something she can own, even if it’s something as stupid as underwear reviews.

Afterwards, she pulls you into her lap, arms wrapped tight while the tape plays in the background. You cringe, hiding in her neck, but she’s grinning like the devil. “Look how good you look. Look how pretty you are when you’re mine.”

She never posts them, never shares them, doesn’t even brag. The tapes are sacred—hers to rewatch when she’s lonely, or aching, or just too obsessed with the way your body reacts to her touch. And you let her—over and over again—not because you love the camera, but because you love the look in her eyes when she sees you through it. Like you’re art. Like you’re home.

She keeps the files hidden on her phone, named in codes only she understands—timestamps and inside jokes, raw footage labeled like artwork.

“blue_wreckage03.mp4”

“babyXme_4am_fuck.mp4”

“2idiots_in_lust.mp4”

“gigglefuck_006.mp4”

She burns DVDs, too. Actual DVDs. She’s got a whole collection—organized and color-coded. She takes the time to make ugly little covers for them with hearts and sharpies, doodles of your face and stupid titles like:

“Vol.7: She’s So Fucking Loud <3”

“Crybaby’s First Time”

“Shy Girl Gets Loud”

“Mine. Mine. Mine (Extended Version)”

She plays them for you on lazy afternoons, projecting the image onto the wall, her fingers between your legs while your recorded moans mix with the real ones. “Fuck, look at you,” she breathes. “You’re my favorite movie, y’know that?” Sometimes, you catch her rewatching them when she thinks you’re asleep. Phone brightness low, her other hand idly stroking herself, mouthing your name like a prayer.

She does it not only because she’s obsessed, but because in her glitchy, lust-drenched archive of you, she feels closest to heaven.

🤍 art bonus by @jinxsdoll !!

full drabble/fic incoming :3

[runningracingdancingchasing]

She'd imagined sitting him down on the couch, maybe with some alcohol to make it all easier, imagined the lighting and how it would play on his features. But now they were in the kitchen, and the lighting was completely different, harsh and bright in comparison to her imagination. Well, that was on her. She was the one who'd started the conversation now instead of later.

Clearing her throat again, she found it hard to find her words, and even harder to look at him.

"I've been rehearsing this all day," she confessed with a little smile that didn't reach haunted eyes, toying with her own fingers while wishing she had Abraçinhos to hug. But he was in the living room, on the couch, where she'd meant to have this conversation. "But I can't seem to remember how it was going to go. Sorry if I'm about to ramble..."

Taking a deep breath, she thought through all of the myriad of rehearsals she'd gone through, then picked a place and started. Managing to look at him for a moment, she iterated, "Just know that I'm telling you this because you're my best friend and I trust you." That was very important. It was easy for Rapunzel to love. She loved her friends almost right away. But trusting people wasn't so simple. That probably had something to do with what she was about to tell him...

Okay, here we go. Just breathe and... start. "Okay, so the thing is... I can't remember anything about my past up until a few years ago," she explained softly, "and that's by design. Something... happened when I was little. I'm not sure exactly what, but I know it was traumatic. My therapist thought -- and I agree -- that if I want to function as an adult, I had to lock it all away. It was really the only way to move forward. But that's why there are things that basically everyone knows that I don't know anything about. Which is so frustrating and embarrassing, because I'm usually so smart!"

Even talking about it now, she could feel that locked closet of memories getting banged on from the inside, and her shame from not knowing how schools worked. Her focus started turning inward, a slippery slope to a bad night, even if he decided she was worth hanging onto. Without thinking, she got a glass of cold water and sat down at the table again, pressing the cool glass against her face and neck to keep herself in the here and now and with him.

"There are things I don't remember so much as feel. Echoes of a voice I can't identify or- or thinking someone's going to react negatively to something when no one with half a heart would. Sometimes... it's like a part of my brain is trying to remember the stuff I've deliberately forgotten, and the rest of my brain is trying to keep me from remembering. When that happens I just kind of... go away. Like, I'm there, physically, but my mind..." She paused to sip some water and ran her fingers idly over the place mat in front of her, taking in the texture as the cool drink soothed her throat, keeping her grounded. She surprised herself by the fact that she didn't feel like she was going to cry. Not yet. If he decided this was it, yeah, she'd spend the rest of the night crying. But not yet.

The more she thought about it, the more guilty she felt for being this way and subjecting him to her. Had she trapped him by asking him out before she told him this? But she was telling him now, and giving him an out, right? That was good of her, wasn't it? She liked him so much that she's was putting her biggest flaw right out there in the open and shining a light on it. If he couldn't handle it, well... she could just leave Rio after all.

God, she didn't want to leave Rio. Didn't want to leave him.

A sad, scared sigh escaped her. "I'm broken, Rai. I'm broken, and I don't know if I can ever be fixed all the way. I know I should have told you this before I asked you out, because you deserve to have an informed choice, to know what you're getting into, and I totally get it if... if it's too much. If it's a deal-breaker. I can be a lot as it is, and this is just... it's a lot more. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

And she really hoped he'd stay, despite it. And she was terrified he wouldn't. Her head and stomach swam unpleasantly, pizza and wine suddenly not seeming like such a good idea.

He'd busied himself washing out their wine glasses. Washing dishes was his least favourite of all chores - which he despised in general - but she'd gone through the effort to make dinner, and the least he could do was to help clean up.

He felt his shoulders tense a little as she spoke. Serious and important... Her tone and the entire vibe changed, and he tilted his head at her, a little furrow between his brows.

"Sure, girl." He set the glasses down and dried off his hands, leaning his hips back against the kitchen counter and folding his arms loosely. "What's, uh... what's up?" He deliberately kept his mind as blank as possible, refusing to jump to scary conclusions.

[that-faerie-in-the-corner]

you know what I find fascinating about how Helen is talked about in the works in the epic cycle?

everyone has argued to death over whether she was kidnapped, went willingly, was influenced/controlled/threatened by Aphrodite, whatever, but the thing is the actual TEXTS can't seem to make up their minds on Helen. everyone will be cursing Helen's name as an unfaithful wife and destroyer of men in Agamemnon but then Paris will be called a "robber-rapist" which would obviously heavily imply that he stole and assaulted her (plus the part where Clytemnestra basically says "shut the fuck up about Helen she didn't force you to do all that", although how much we're supposed to agree with her is debatable). In Iphigenia In Aulis we're going to war to get REVENGE on the Trojans AND HELEN but then Agamemnon will accuse Menelaus of "lust(ing) only to hold a lovely woman in (his) arms", calls him crazy for wanting her back, and then when Menelaus changes his mind about killing Iphigenia to get the winds back he says "Could I not obtain A perfect marriage elsewhere, if I longed for Marrying? But a brother whom I should Most cherish, I was about to forfeit To gain a Helen, so bartering excellence For evil" which is still pretty spiteful towards Helen but also really fucking weird to say if he only wanted her back to kill or otherwise punish her. Then, in the same play, the Greeks are described as wanting to sail to Troy so "That they may halt the plunder of marriage beds And the rape and seizure of Greek women" which would also imply Helen was, in fact, raped and seized, otherwise why would it be phrased like that and not like, "seduced" or "whisked away" or whatever? In Orestes Elektra and Orestes interpret Helen's actions in the worst possible light while when Helen actually speaks she seems generally sympathetic towards them, distraught and grieving over the whole situation, and claims that she went because Aphrodite made her mad, which could absolutely be a lie, but the thing is we just don't know who's the unreliable narrator here Is this a translation thing? Indicative of a really weird idea of what rape is? Is this an intentional writing choice? This got me to thinking and then I realized that if Menelaus was away when Helen left then he almost certainly doesn't actually know what happened. He didn't see or hear what happened, he doesn't get a chance to talk to Helen and have her explain until after the war, and obviously none of the other Greeks would know for sure either, right? And I just think it is kind of a missed opportunity that adaptations don't really do anything with this kind of unspoken conflict at all. Paris the Musical kind of does (Menelaus believes Helen was abducted when she ended up begrudgingly going with Paris trying to help him to escape) but like, why do all the greek men have one idea of Helen in adaptations? Why don't they argue about it? Why don't they question Menelaus about his motivations more? What if (especially if Aphrodite fucked with her head, as I am one to believe) Helen doesn't even trust herself on her own intentions? What if Menelaus tears himself up debating this with himself every night? Like, could I trust that she wouldn't do this to me and our daughter? Is it better that my wife doesn't love me anymore and is safe with her new lover, or that she does but is trapped against her will having who knows what done to her? Do I know my wife anymore? Did I ever know her in the first place? What if he lays eyes on Helen, his Helen, for the first time in ten years and his sword slips from his grasp as he realizes that yes, of course he knows her, how could he have ever doubted? Or maybe he still doesn't know if he knows her, but maybe he doesn't need to, because he knows that she is tired and scared, and he still loves her, and he just wants to take her back to their home? What then? Hm?

[eeveesanddragons]

The Side Job.

Sophie is worried about Parker, so she follows, she can't resist the lure. She always caught them, worked them out of a tough spot - and Parker's her daughter, in all the ways that count. Why wouldn't she try and help her?

Breanna trusts Parker, she's always ready to spring into action for her. But she has her own ideas, she's eager and excited and wants to change the world and she's looked up to Parker her whole life. Parker is her idol, she can do no wrong, and it unnerves her a little bit when she acts differently to how she expects.

Harry knows to give people time, it's the Dad instincts, so he let's her be until she asks for help. He let's her figure herself out, because isn't that what people do? He's figuring himself out, he's not going to begrudge her from doing the same thing. He respects her enough to make the choices she needs to make. He trusts her enough not to worry, even when he should.

Eliot 'I've got you back, no matter what' fucking Spencer. Whatever choice she makes, he just wants it to be the right one for her. He needs her to answer her own question, he can't answer it for her. But whatever it is, it's hers. He made his choices long ago, and he lives with that. He knows she'll carry it with her no matter what, but he knows how heavy that hangs around someone without anyone else to carry it. He's got her, always. (But still - he hovers. He worries about her. That's what he does)

And Hardison, even though he wasn't there on this job - he is never far from Parker's thoughts. His questioning throws Parker for a loop, why wouldn't it? The thing she thought she knew the best suddenly shifted on her, it would be enough to rattle anyone.

Parker never stopped believing in what they did, she just needed to find herself in the mythos everyone had around her, the crews, the work. "The Parker" changed, both by herself and with the people who love her. Her anger was always her guide, it's that just the game is different now. She looked back and the world had changed, and she changed with it, and she wasn't sure she recognised herself anymore.

But she's still there. She found the little girl she used to be and became the person she needed then.

[intothepast9]

ummmm marauders hot takes bc I can't think of anything else rn

I don't think I'm doing this as you would have asked but thanks <3

hot takes about characters/ships

jegulus and pandalily present opportunities for us to explore similar relationships to drarry and linny except without having to deal with JKR's characterization by instead having characters with whatever parts of those ones we want and

wolfstar cannot be true to canon in any real sense and be healthy. that's fine. fuck canon

pandora doesn't have to be into astrology, a stoner, or a seer unless she's with xenophilius

Lily and James in canon are basically just these archetypes of masculinity and femininity and jkr is misogynist and made james complicated (if contradictory) and so Lily is not given that type of depth. She's basically a blank slate for us to fill in, so far as her character goes

continuation: Lily probably felt lonely and like an outsider in the Order and married to James. Mary is mentioned as her friend in canon, but we don’t know if Mary joined the Order. We know Lily had to cut herself off from Snape as a friend due to his bigotry and joining a fascist militant group. Yes, Lily was friends with Sirius, their first choice to be their Secret Keeper; we can tell this through their correspondence. But he was primarily James’ friend. They were inseparable at Hogwarts, and when he broke out of Azkaban, he mostly talked to Harry about James and saw James in Harry. Likewise, we know she was friends with Peter enough to trust him as Secret Keeper, but again he was primarily James’ friend. Lily wasn’t an animagus; she wasn’t in the Marauders’ Map, and if she was separated from her other friends and spent her time in the Order with James’ friends, she probably felt left out. She probably felt like she was viewed partially as an extension of James’ life.

hot takes about the fandom

1 . we are a majority women (though gender diverse) group mostly interested in reading mlm fic even though most of us are queer. This is OK but it is an interesting dynamic--why TF do I, a lesbian, sometimes read m/m smut? Make it make sense. I really appreciated Strange Aeon's analysis--(https://youtu.be/kYPOAoVO7Xw?si=0VIO3UVN7bBOQcXe) mlm fanfic can present a chance for us to view sexual relationships in a way that are fundamentally different and unaffected by the same gendered power dynamics we're used to seeing in traditional media relationships. Like reading about some fictional twink, I can understand them being attracted to fictional men in some greater sense than I'm able to understand real people of any gender who are attracted to real men (which is a feeling of like, you do you, bestie <3). They're a way for us to explore relationships without the bodied issues we're used to. A lot of them probably are not true at all to how most gay relationships play out. But that's ok. Apologies to any gay men who are weirded out and feel fetishized.

[pyjamatranslation]

The scene where Qimir says to Osha, "You should learn to trust yourself," made my jaw drop.

So often in books/movies/tv shows the love interest says some variant of, "Trust me," and the main character nods and we all swoon at their love. But someone who wants you to trust yourself? Who is basically saying, "You have good instincts. You got this''?! Someone who isn't saying, "Lean on me, I'll take care of it" but is instead saying, "You are so capable. I believe in you"? A supportive partner who encourages you to grow and stand on your own?!?!

Hands down the most romantic thing on the planet.

[antianakin]

I'm kind-of genuinely devastated that they decided to cut out the reveal of Perrin having known all along about Mon Mothma's rebel activities and was getting interrogated WEEKLY by the Empire and never cracked even once.

This would've helped answer SO MANY QUESTIONS about Mon and Perrin, and it could've easily helped answer the question of why Mon felt like she could just walk away from her family after making herself public enemy number one.

She goes to finally explain it all to Perrin right before she makes the speech because dammit she might not have trust him or even like him all that much but she doesn't want him DEAD and he deserves the chance to find this out from her and get himself to safety before she turns his life upside down, and he tells her he's known all along and covered for her this whole time and never once cracked or been discovered, even when she framed him for gambling and sold off their daughter to a gangster's son. He lets her know that he doesn't need to go to safety, he's not just going to run now because that'll just make him look like he was involved in it. He can continue to cover for himself when the Empire comes to interrogate him again, and he can do it well enough to ensure Leida doesn't get implicated, either. Mon's priority is the rebellion, her priority is her work and it always has been, even to the detriment of her relationship with her family, and Perrin understood that but it meant that HIS priority had to be protecting and taking care of Leida in the absence of her mother. So Mon has to go, but Perrin has to stay because their daughter needs him now more than ever.

And it just makes the choice that Mon has made so clear, the sacrifice she chose to make for the sake of the rebellion, and she can't back out now, she can't make a different choice because she tells herself she's doing this FOR Leida, to try to make a better world for her daughter to live in, but in order to give Leida that world, she has to leave Leida behind.

But she realizes now that she CAN trust Perrin, she could've trusted him all along, so she chooses to trust him now. She trusts him with their daughter, she trusts that he can take care of himself and Leida in her absence once more.

This helps Mon's arc SO MUCH, and I honestly love it, and as Bissell says it's technically a non-canon thing now because it clearly never even made it into the script really let alone got filmed, but it's pretty easy to slot it into what we DID get to see, so as far as I'm concerned, this is my canon. This fixes so many of the problems I had with the end of this arc for Mon and makes it so much more emotional and almost tragic. Mon made her choices and you can argue that some of them were mistakes if you want, you can argue that it made her a bad mother if you wanted to, but it's so much more complicated and nuanced than that, and I love that this finally makes that so clear. Mon made her choice and her family paid the price a long time ago, long before Mon was willing to acknowledge that she'd made that choice.

[wildstar25]

MiqoMarch Day 6 - Secret

The jealousy that began to bubble up, though likely pointless to hide from her of all people, Arsay desperately tried to keep a secret from her dear friend Krile.

[balanceisblind]

"try sounding more sure peach, maybe then i'll believe it." she wasn't you, beyond the same face you were nothing alike only two sides of the same coin. there was no world, however, where elena gilbert didn't want you dead and gone. had she gotten the upper hand that night (using the cure didn't count, that was cheating. classic elena. cheats emotions even tries to cheat death itself. for all you did the same, it never felt like a cheat in your hands. they were choices you made, and you never acted like anything less. you never pretended to be innocent. for all your lies that one was all hers.) she would have gladly killed you if the opening had been there. she had known making you human was a fate worse then death for a monster like you. you had embraced the monster that you were while she ran from it, and even now still pretended she was better. you lied for purpose, she lied to herself. "i was you, elena. trust me, they would have suffered regardless." like all the people you had loved as a human. "only i left that version of myself behind. and come on, we both know you'll never be able. you'll always want to be the human being you once were, but she's dead. and hey, just a thought but-- maybe you'll be happier once you accept it. and don't say you have. we both know better."

you hear her proposition and wonder to yourself if you would risk your survival on behalf of spite at your spitting image who somehow got everything that was denied to you, and even now, still didn't realize how lucky she was. you considered, and found yourself unable to truly know. in this moment you couldn't imagine it, and you were so fragile now. you had far more to loose then ever before. for the first time in your co-existence elena gilbert could have killed you easily, and the thought made you sick to your stomach. "oh please." you words come out sharp and venomous. "for all you enjoy my suffering, you're just waiting for the moment i really become an inconvenience to you. can't blame you, i'm waiting for it too." every instant, every second, every day, knowing death was right around every possible corner and you were practically defenseless. "and then you get to kill me and feel good about it." you chortled at the thought. "for the record, you're making the wrong argument. so stop telling me what i don't have, and tell me what it's worth. cause right now, i'm not convinced you're offering me anything that doesn't already have a clock on it." you were living on borrowed time after all, might as well make use of what remained.

"neither." you aren't like her. you never will be; not even vampirism can turn you into anything like her. that's something you can take pride in, at least ⸻ knowing you'll never follow in the footsteps of katherine pierce. you press your lips into a hard line, already finished with this conversation before it's barely even begun. "i'm not a saint, katherine. i know that. but let me stop you before you try to play the i've been misunderstood this whole time, look how human i am now game that i know you're probably gearing up for. i remember everything you've done to us. i won't stop remembering what you did to caroline, or stefan, or damon, or anyone else who accidentally walked into your line of sight."

that's the worst part, isn't it? she didn't always have to do the things she did. she didn't have to play with the salvatores the way she did, yanking them around, breaking hearts, betraying them both. katherine did it simply because she could. "but if you did know something, if you did find something out, if you did get even a little bit of leverage..." and let's face it, she will. if you can count on katherine for anything, it's survival; and ideally, that survival instinct will work in your favor this time. "i'd work with us, if i were you. you don't exactly have a lot going for you right now otherwise, you know?"

[azatas]

the fact that shepard, for lack of a better way to put it, has more of a personality in me2 fits soooo well with the background i chose + the way i play her in me1. like imagine spending your entire military career playing the perfect soldier, ​to the point that one of the last things you say before you die is "the alliance won't abandon us" and then you wake up two years later and they're using your face for propaganda while they've all but erased the memory of who you really were. like yeah i'd develop a bit of an attitude too

[dirtytransmasc]

ok but like, Modest!Alicent Hightower au (more modest than she already is) cause I feel like it, it adds ✨layers✨

Alicent who veils her hair during her day to day life, elegant laces and silks adorning her long ginger-brown hair, covering it completely at the Sept.

Alicent who wears dresses with long heavy skirts and always covers her elbows with billowing sleeves.

Alicent who conceals her silhouette with thick shaping garments. they also just helped her back during her pregnancies and taking care of kids (her servants recommended them so she'd have full range of motion and support)

Alicent who was stripped of her modesty, her dignity and sense of security whenever Viserys wanted her. stripped of it by her own father when he sent her to Viserys's chambers in a dress that didn't cover as much as she would have liked, especially when she visited a man with those (silent) instructions.

Alicent who lets her hair down around people she trusts. covering it around Rhaenyra after she abandoned her, a blow to Rhaenyra, a blatant "you hurt me and broke my trust". letting Criston see her hair after he becomes her sworn sword. covering in front of Viserys until he demands she stops. Alicent putting a little makeshift veil on her daughter, who wanted to look like her mum, promising it would protect her from how loud the world was.

Alicent who only trusts her closest servants to dress her, and even then insists on being in a full shift before they can come in.

Alicent who felt stripped bare while giving birth to her children.

little Alicent looking up to her mum who was also very modest, and spending her childhood playing in long skirts.

Alicent who wears shawls and scarves out in public or at events. Criston watches to make sure she remains properly covered. her hands fiddling with the patterns or tassels while she talks to others.

Alicent doing this with her kids:

Criston offering her his cloak when she's put in bad situations like sudden crowds or outings.

wearing flowy but opaque fabrics during the summers, looking ethereal and goddess-like with her layers skirts and sleeves.

the whole Larys situation being even more sickening.

all 3 of her sons being protective of her modesty alongside Criston, always offering their cloaks to her or standing to block her from the wind or wandering eyes. Aegon holding her veil in place when it's windy, Aemond placing a cloak over her in public, Daeron fiercely defending his mum from lusting glances or lingering stares.

Helaena continuing to veil with her mum when they go out, they love matching veils and trying ornate styles.

Alicent fixing her daughters veil in attempts to get it to stay in on dragon back. it doesn't. but they don't mind the extra bonding time none the less.

gold veils that literally make her look like she's dripping in gold.

tucking her babes in her shawls or holding them against her skirts that are practically swallowing them whole.

Alicent collecting layers. Ornate undergarments that cover her arms in gold and embroidered patterns, some almost like tapestries others more simple. undershirts that cover her neck, with "choker" patterns and sewn in jewels. modest nightgowns and robes made of the softest, most breathable fabrics in existence.

covering her face on holy days/days of importance.

I just have so many thoughts.

[trappedinafantasy37]

Welp, I just did the embrace Bhaal ending with Daedra and I gotta say, this is objectively the worse ending. And it is very much the ending I never wanted for her. Because this was always going to be the ending for a Durge who embraced Bhaal. And Minthara being killed was always going to be her ending too. What makes all of this worse is that Minthara saw it coming too, she just did not realize it.

When she first tells you about Orin, she criticizes Orin by saying that if she could turn the plot of the Absolute towards slaughter, she would take it. Minthara also criticizes Orin for wanting to be Daddy's Little Girl who would do anything to please Bhaal. She perceives these to be character flaws within Orin. Sadly her analysis is incorrect, because these are innate characteristics of Bhaalspawn in general, including Durge. All Bhaalspawn are born with the same urges: kill other Bhaalspawn, breed more Bhaalspawn, and then kill everything. Of course, a Bhaalspawn can fight these urges. But it is a never ending fight, one we see Durge struggle with throughout the entire story. They only "beat" these urges by having Bhaal's blood removed from them.

But because Minthara sees these as character flaws within Orin, she fails to see them in Durge as well. And when Minthara learns that Durge is a Bhaalspawn, of course she is elated. Durge is the child of a god. A deeply religious Minthara would obviously admire that, almost as far as borderline worshiping Durge (cause old habits die hard). She truly believes that Durge is nothing like Orin and would never be anything like Orin, and she has to believe this to be true because she does not want to be afraid of Durge like she is of Orin.

Despite popular belief, Minthara is indeed capable of love and has a strong desire for it. I have always read Minthara as a person who strongly wants what she feels she cannot have. And in Menzoberranzan, genuine love is frowned upon (or at least making it known). So of course she wants it. And there is no shame in that. It is trust that she struggles with, and she always has good reason to be distrustful. And the moment she became an exile, we see her start to deconstruct her previous ways of life, but with great difficulty as it is hard to let go of the only things you have ever known. She wants to love, she wants to trust, she doesn't want to be afraid, and she doesn't want to kill her lovers.

Thanks to the business with the Absolute, Minthara finds herself in a unique position in which she actually can read someone else's mind. And for the first time in her life, she has guaranteed certainty that the person that she loves won't hurt her, or betray her, or use and abuse her, or kill her. And that was a promise Durge made to her. And so she openly embraced Durge with everything that she has and becomes devoted.

Sadly, devotion is Minthara's fatal flaw. There is nothing wrong with being devoted to someone or some god, of course. But Minthara is too devoted in which her devotion makes her blind, and she has spent so much of her life being devoted to someone other than herself, and she does not know how to live a life without being devoted to someone. She does not realize the crux of her devotion until she is turned into a sacrificial lamb by Orin. It is Minthara who questions the worth of devotion if it only leads to death and she starts to become a little more selective of who she devotes herself to. Cause she was once devoted to Orin and was willing to be devoted to Bhaal if given the chance, and yet she was still put on that altar. But this never happens if Orin never takes her.

Edit: I forgot that Patch 7 added in the second part of Minthara's dialogue about Orin. Meaning Minthara can still come to question the worth of devotion, even without being a kidnap victim to Orin. However, she questions her devotion after Durge has made their choice in regards to Bhaal. Despite her beginning to question devotion, she still remains devoted to Durge as she perceives Durge as her savior, and not being like Lolth or the Absolute or Bhaal.

Her devotion to Lolth, still ended with her being abandoned (or so she feels) and left vulnerable to the Absolute, because her devotion to Lolth did not make her an exception. Her devotion to the Absolute still led to her mind being ripped apart, because her devotion to the Absolute did not make her an exception. Minthara may be of a feline nature, but she does not have nine lives and cannot always get lucky. Every time she has devoted herself to someone, it always led her close to the grave. Her devotion to Durge, encouraging Durge to embrace who they are, will get her rewarded with death. And death was always going to be her reward.

And of course she thinks this could never happen to her. She read Durge's mind and Durge did show her that they would never hurt her. That Durge would never do to her what Lolth or the Absolute did, or even previous lovers did to her. That her devotion would be rewarded with mutual devotion. But this is coming from a Durge who has not embraced Bhaal just yet and does not yet want to become Daddy's Special Baby. And Minthara is not stupid for believing that Durge was sincere. No one wants to believe that the person that they love would ever hurt them. That does not make someone stupid or weak. Minthara could only read Durge's mind, not Durge's future.

When Durge embraces Bhaal, she still believes them to be the same exact person with the same exact desires as when she read their mind. Durge has finally followed her advice and embraced themselves, become exactly what she always saw them to be. Durge is now on the path to ascension, to true godhood. And Minthara's proximity to it all will keep her safe from all threats because she would be that god's consort. She can finally have a life without fear or distrust. She will have a god to worship, someone to love, and a new house in Durge's name. She will have everything she could have ever wanted and all she had to do was be devoted. All she had to do was be herself.

In that moment, her devotion to Durge makes her blind to the reality that Durge has changed and has become the very thing she herself criticized about Orin. She still believes that Durge won't hurt her and that Durge won't use the Absolute as a tool for slaughter. Her devotion makes her blind to the fact that Bhaal is like Lolth and the Absolute and most certainly will use Durge like a puppet. Her devotion makes her blind to the reality that Durge has only become a master of their urges, because they are willfully giving in to them and no longer fighting them. And the urge wants to kill everything, no exceptions. Her devotion makes her blind to the knife that Durge will inevitably turn against her, because her devotion was never going to make her an exception.

[milfbrainrot]

something sick and twisted about how michaela was "training" simone to take over part of the charity, hence her being a mini-michaela, only for that to actually... pan out as accidentally training her to become her husband's new wife

[the-weeping-dawn]

Graphic design is my passion.jpg If I worked on it until I liked it I'd be here all week, oh wait I've been like that with another tag game.

That's technically not even a feeling, per say, but it is certainly the most defining aespect about him, and the main thing which drives him to keep fighting. It doesn't matter if he survives this, but the few people he truly cares about? He'd keep fighting, biting and scratching until his last breath for.

tagging @moonshine-over-troubled-water I think this has gone through the rest of the circle since I was late admittedly ^.^;

[makeanartsave]

POV: You are at a political event in Agranor, and between the keen-eyed new baroness and her eerily cheerful consort, you're getting the distinct sense that the new administration in Kernenvale is gonna be way harder to fuck with than the previous one.

(Here's to a hopefully near future in our D&D game, where my character has girlbossed her way into another local government)

[hsslilly-blog]

claire growing up with her lovely parents and then not being able to recognise signs of being abused slash being taken advantage of. and then her own attempts at reclaiming her agency put her at risk of further pain. very compelling narrative to me