#it's all sadness and insecurities and introspections

[yunwangja]

unrecognized

kenma kozume x fem!reader

kenma tells you something unexpected during a quiet moment away from your friend group—something that leaves you questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself. read part 2 here

genre: slow-burn, eventual fluff, introspective?

tags: kenma x fem!reader, quiet confessions, insecurity, self-perception, soft but meaningful fluff, univ setting

notes: might be ooc!

"i’m not like that at all."

you let out a small laugh, hoping it doesn’t sound as sad as it feels. it’s not like you were fishing for reassurance or anything—you were just stating facts.

the conversation had started off harmlessly, just the usual back-and-forth that came with being in a room full of mutual friends.

you were at a friend's place, lounging in the living room with a few others, the air thick with warmth and familiarity. the coffee table was cluttered with half-empty soda cans and snack bags, the tv playing some random show in the background, mostly ignored.

you weren’t saying much—not that anyone noticed. you were fine with that. you were better at listening, letting conversations weave around you while you stayed comfortably on the sidelines.

tonight’s topic had somehow landed on people at school, and someone had pulled up an instagram post.

“oh, look—council president posted new pics,” someone said, turning their phone around.

a few of them leaned in to look. “she’s so pretty, right?”

“yeah, she’s really cute,” another agreed. “kind of unfair that she’s smart and looks like that.”

you glanced at the screen out of curiosity. it was a casual photo—maybe from some event—but she still looked effortlessly put together.

polished, but not in a way that felt forced. just naturally… striking. it made sense. she was the kind of person people talked about, whether they knew her personally or not.

you barely paid attention until someone nudged you lightly. “you kind of look like her, don’t you think?”

you blinked. “what?”

“yeah, i can kind of see it,” another added. “same vibe, at least.”

of course, you deny it. "uh, no way. she’s like… so effortlessly pretty."

"i’m not like that at all."

you were honestly flattered someone even thought to compare you to her. she was pretty, popular, and looked like a breath of fresh air. but what could you do? it wasn’t true. agreeing would be a lie.

besides, you were nowhere near this girl’s vibe—academically smart, sociable, and easy to approach. maybe your friends could say that about you now, but they definitely wouldn’t if they had known you back then.

when you were younger, insecurity clung to you like second skin. you were the type to blend into the background, to be passed over in a crowd.

no one had ever looked at you—really looked at you—and thought you were special. no one had ever told you, without a doubt, that you were pretty. or interesting.

and if someone had claimed to like you before, you would’ve known the truth: it was just their hormones talking. a fleeting crush based on a small moment.

but young adulthood gave you the time to adapt. to build a version of yourself that felt easier to carry. so you dressed up better. learned how to hold a conversation. grew into a version of yourself that could at least fake confidence.

it was enough to get you here—to a place where you could laugh, nod along, and let comments like that roll off your shoulders.

and maybe this new image of yours was why they thought you resembled someone like her.

fortunately, you didn’t bring the mood down. most of them didn’t believe your dismissal, insisting you were just being humble.

your friend shook her head and rolled her eyes playfully. "you’re too humble, y/n."

the conversation moved on, and you smiled, grateful they didn’t see through you.

well, at least that’s what you thought.

it wasn’t long before you finished your drink. standing up, you slipped away from the group, heading toward the kitchen where you could grab a cold soda from the fridge.

the voices from the living room faded into the background as you opened the fridge. the cool air brushed against your skin as you grabbed a can, cracking it open and leaning against the counter for a brief moment of solitude.

you were taking a sip when you heard footsteps approaching.

"why are you drinking that here alone?"

you glanced up. kenma.

his voice was quiet, lazy, like he was making an observation rather than asking a question. his headphones rested around his neck, dyed blonde hair slightly messy, catching the dim kitchen light.

you weren’t surprised to see him. kuroo was one of your closest friend’s boyfriend, and kenma, being kuroo’s best friend, often ended up tagging along.

still, he never really seemed present at these kinds of gatherings. just… there. like an observer who had no particular reason to be involved.

he was quiet, only speaking when spoken to. not that you two talked much.

"i just wanted to be away from the noise a bit," you said with a small smile.

he nodded but didn’t move, lingering in place for a moment, looking behind you.

noticing the slight awkwardness, you gestured and moved away from the fridge. "oh, were you going to get something? go ahead."

"oh. yeah." he blinked, like he’d forgotten his reason for coming here in the first place. walking past you, he opened the fridge, scanning the selection of drinks.

a brief glance in your direction. then, as if deciding something, he reached for a can,

"i think you’re pretty."

…huh?

you blinked. "what?"

he closed the fridge, leaning against it with one shoulder.

"you’re pretty."

your grip tightened slightly around the can. what was he talking about? where was this coming from?

you let out a nervous chuckle. "what are you talking about?"

"you looked so much more interesting than that girl," he said simply, cracking open his own drink.

the realization dawned slowly. he was talking about earlier.

you smiled, dismissing his attempt to compliment you. "you’re just saying that,"

kenma exhaled, shifting so he was fully facing you now.

"you said you were nothing like her. you were right, though. because you look much more beautiful."

your lips parted, but no words came out.

he crossed his arms, watching you carefully.

"but our friends weren’t trying to lie, yn. you’re wonderful. we all genuinely believe you light up the room whenever you enter. that's probably why they said that."

his voice was steady. honest.

you stared at him, trying to process his words.

you had never spoken to him like this before. never had a real conversation beyond quick greetings. it never once crossed your mind that he had thoughts like these about you.

especially him.

you swallowed, trying to laugh it off. "wow. never thought i would hear that from you, of all people, kenma."

he glanced away, but you caught the slight pink tinge to his ears.

"shut up. i’m being for real here."

he was serious. you could tell.

you shook your head slightly. "i just didn’t expect you would say something like that to me."

you gave a small shrug, and grab your soda can again, swirling it around with your wrist. "not that you have to, though."

his brows furrowed. "no. i wanted to."

there was something firm in his voice, like he needed you to understand that.

"i’ve always wanted to talk to you," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "but, well, i’m also an awkward person, so…" he trailed off, glancing down.

then, quietly, his voice softer than before—

"i just wanted you to know that you are not what you think. because i’m here."

his eyes found yours.

"and my eyes have always been on you."

his words sent a chill down your spine.

before you could even respond, he straightened up, his movements unhurried but deliberate. his gaze lingered on you for a second longer, before he turned away.

"i just wanted to prove you wrong, okay."

he cast one last glance over his shoulder, something softer in his expression now, with the smallest of smiles.

"i can’t stand being unrecognized."

and just like that, he was gone.

you stayed frozen for a moment, your fingers tightening around the cold can in your hands, but even that grounding sensation wasn’t enough to steady you. before you even realized it, your knees gave in, and you sank down onto the kitchen floor, pressing your back against the cabinets.

what the hell just happened?

[itsnesss]

hiii, can u do some thanos head canons? sfw or nsfw whichever you’d like i love your fics btw <3

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ᡣ𐭩 | thanos (player 230)

warnings | explicit content, nsfw, mention of drugs, power dynamics, toxic relationship?

Being with Thanos is like living under a constant aura of greatness. It makes you feel small in comparison, but not in an unpleasant way. It's as if he were teaching you to look at the world from his perspective, with his ideas.

He is always attentive to your well-being, ready to intervene at any moment to ensure you are not in danger.

It's not easy to win their approval. Every step you take is under their critical gaze, but that forces you to be better.

The effects of the drug sometimes make him more introspective, and in those more vulnerable moments, he shows you unexpected gestures of tenderness, as if he were seeking comfort in you, even if he doesn't admit it.

Being with Thanos is an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes, his spontaneity is what attracts you the most; you never know what to expect. He makes impulsive decisions, but that gives him a unique energy, even though it can be a bit exhausting.

He can go from the height of euphoria to a state of deep sadness in a matter of minutes. While that can be confusing and complicated, it makes you feel closer to him because you know his vulnerability is there, even if you don't always understand it.

He defends you from everything that threatens him, even if sometimes you are surprised by how strong or unpredictable he becomes.

When the drugs have him in a calmer state, he approaches you as if he needs you to feel balanced. He hugs you, looks at you intensely, and in those moments you know that all that really matters to him is you.

He is not afraid to take risks and, although sometimes he makes you feel insecure, he drags you along with him on his adventures. Even though his impulses scare you, you always have the feeling that in the end, everything will turn out fine.

Thanos is unpredictable even in intimacy. Sometimes he is incredibly passionate, while other times, his emotional attitude makes him more distant or even indifferent.

Under the influence of drugs, he becomes more raw and direct. He is not interested in playing games; he just wants to feel something genuine, something that makes him escape from his emotional confusion.

He takes you in an almost ferocious way, as if he needs to make sure you are completely his, although his desire is uninhibited, it is not always gentle. There are moments when it seems like he marks you, and he enjoys it.

Sometimes it pushes your limits, seeking something new or different. It can be risky, but the tension it creates between you both is palpable, leaving you in a state of total vulnerability.

He is a man who wants to know all your desires, your most hidden fantasies, and he encourages you to express them without fear.

If he wants it, he gets it. You can't resist his kisses, his caresses.

He's a beast in bed, but outside of it, he's a sweet man who only thinks about your pleasure.

And no matter what you wish for, he always fulfills it.

Do you like oral sex? Great. It will leave you trembling with pleasure as it licks you clean.

Do you want me to whip you? He knows exactly the point where you need to be.

Would you like to be fucked animalistically, without any reservations, just feeling? Perfect. He'll make you feel his cock and his teeth on your neck.

Do you want to be possessed like a slut, without him letting you breathe? He will. He will fuck you without stopping to caress you, without stopping to kiss you.

If you just want to feel the pleasure of being with a man, for him to caress you, kiss you, and speak sweet words to you. Well, he can do it too. He will do it gladly.

And if there's something he doesn't know how to do, he'll learn it just for you. Because the only thing that matters to him is your pleasure and your orgasms.

But he always takes care of your feelings. If something scares you, if you don't want him to do it, he won't insist.

And if you don't want anything else, if you just want company to talk and do something, that's fine too.

But... Don't be surprised if on a normal night, without thinking, he grabs you by the arm, takes you to the bedroom, and fucks you like an animal.

Not even during the day, he approaches you from behind and slaps your butt while whispering in your ear that he's going to fuck you as soon as you get home.

[daydreamingoveracupofcoffee]

The reaction of the other U.A. Students and other characters to their soulmate is a villainess:

Mirio Togata:

Mirio is optimistic, empathetic, and believes in saving everyone, so his first reaction would be shock but not outright rejection. He’d feel a pang of sadness that his soulmate is on a dark path but would immediately see it as a challenge to bring her to the light.

“If she’s my soulmate, there’s gotta be good in her!”

Mirio’s unwavering belief in heroism might clash with the reality of his soulmate’s actions. If she’s hurt people, he’d grapple with guilt over feeling drawn to her. He’d question whether his feelings are just the soulmate bond or genuine, but his resolve to save others would keep him from giving up on her. Mirio would approach her directly, unafraid of the danger, using his charm and sincerity to understand her motives. He’d try to talk her down during confront actions.

“I know you’re not just a villain—let me help you!”

If she’s resistant, he’d stay patient, believing he can change her heart over time. His interactions would be warm but firm, balancing his duty as a hero with his soulmate connection.

Mirio would dedicate himself to redeeming her, even if it takes years. He’d study her past, work with his friends, and use his hero network to find ways to reach her. If she’s too far gone, he’d face heartbreak but still try to save her, even if it means stopping her as a hero.

Tamaki Amajiki:

Tamaki would be overwhelmed with anxiety and self-doubt upon learning his soulmate is a villainess.

“Why would fate pick someone like her for someone like me? I’m not strong enough for this.”

His shy, introspective nature would make him internalize the conflict, feeling like he’s somehow at fault for being tied to a villain.

Tamaki’s low self-esteem would amplify his turmoil. He’d fear that his connection to a villainess makes him unfit to be a hero, and he’d worry about what others (especially Mirio and Fat Gum) would think. However, his quiet empathy would make him curious about her—why did she become a villain? Could he understand her pain? The soulmate bond would terrify him, but he’d also feel a pull to protect her, even from herself.

Tamaki would avoid direct confrontation at first, observing her from a distance or during hero missions. If forced to face her, he’d be nervous, stuttering through attempts to reason with her. His sincerity might catch her off guard.

“I-I don’t know why you’re doing this, but… I don’t think you’re all bad.”

He’d use his quirk defensively, never wanting to hurt her, and might even hesitate in battle, which could frustrate his allies.

Tamaki would need encouragement from Mirio and others to face the situation head-on. Over time, he’d grow bolder, trying to connect with her emotionally, perhaps relating to her struggles through his own insecurities. If redemption isn’t possible, he’d carry the guilt of failing her, but he’d channel it into becoming a stronger hero to prevent others from falling like she did.

Hitoshi Shinso:

Shinso would react with a mix of cynicism and intrigue. Having faced prejudice for his “villainous” quirk, he’d be less shocked than others.

“Of course my soulmate’s a villain—figures.”

He’d feel a bitter irony but also a spark of curiosity about who she is and why she’s chosen this path.

Shinso’s pragmatic and guarded nature would make him wary of the soulmate bond. He’d question its legitimacy, wondering if it’s manipulating his feelings. His own experiences with being misunderstood would make him empathize with her, but he’d also be conflicted about his hero aspirations.

“I’m trying to prove I’m not a villain, so why am I tied to one?”

Shinso would approach her strategically, using his wit and quirk to gather information. He’d engage her in conversation during encounters, probing her motives with questions:

“What’s driving you to do this? You don’t seem like you’re just evil.”

If he uses his brainwashing quirk on her, it’d be to de-escalate, not harm. His dry humor and blunt honesty might create an unexpected rapport, as he’d relate to her outsider status.

Shinso would wrestle with whether to save her or stop her, leaning toward redemption because of their shared bond. He’d investigate her backstory, possibly working with Aizawa to find ways to reach her. If she’s irredeemable, he’d reluctantly take her down, but it’d haunt him, reinforcing his resolve to help others avoid her fate. If she shows potential for change, he’d be her quiet supporter, helping her navigate a path to redemption.

Neito Monoma:

Monoma would be dramatically indignant and affronted.

“A villainess? My soulmate? The universe must be mocking me!”

His theatrical personality and Class 1-B pride would make him initially reject the idea, seeing it as an insult to his heroic ambitions. However, his curiosity and competitive nature would quickly kick in, making him want to “prove” he can handle this twist of fate better than anyone else.

Monoma’s arrogance masks insecurity, so he’d grapple with what this says about him. He’d wonder if being tied to a villainess means he’s destined to be “second-rate” or if it’s a test of his greatness. His tendency to compare himself to Class 1-A would amplify his frustration.

“Why do they get heroic soulmates, and I get this?”

Yet, his sharp mind would push him to analyze her motives, suspecting there’s more to her villainy than meets the eye.

Monoma would confront her with a mix of bravado and taunting, using his Copy quirk to mirror her abilities in battle as a way to “show her up.”

“If you’re my soulmate, you should at least be as impressive as me!”

Behind the bravado, he’d study her closely, looking for weaknesses or signs of redeemability. If she shows complexity (e.g., a tragic backstory), he’d soften slightly, though he’d hide it behind snark. He’d avoid admitting his feelings, even to himself, but the soulmate bond would make him protective in subtle ways, like hesitating to land a finishing blow.

Monoma would see redeeming her as a personal challenge, a way to prove he’s a better hero than his rivals. He’d dig into her past, possibly coordinating with Kendo or Tetsutetsu for support, and use his strategic mind to devise plans to sway her. If she’s irredeemable, he’d take it as a personal failure but channel it into outperforming others as a hero. If she shows potential for change, he’d grudgingly help her, boasting about how he “single-handedly saved his soulmate.”

Naomasa Tsukauchi:

Naomasa, the grounded and professional detective, would be stunned but composed, processing the revelation with a quiet, “This… complicates things.” His dedication to justice and his lie-detection quirk would make him immediately skeptical of the soulmate bond, wondering if it’s a trick or manipulation. He’d feel a mix of duty and curiosity, wanting to understand why his soulmate is a villainess.

As a non-hero with a strong moral compass, Naomasa would struggle with the personal vs. professional conflict. His work with All Might and the police demands he uphold the law, but the soulmate bond would stir empathy, especially if he senses truth in her pain or motivations. He’d worry about compromising his integrity.

“Can I stay objective when it’s her?”

His trust in All Might’s ideals would anchor him, but he’d feel torn if she’s not entirely evil.

Naomasa would approach her methodically, using his detective skills to investigate her crimes and backstory. In encounters, he’d remain calm and professional, asking pointed questions to gauge her intentions.

“Why are you doing this? What do you really want?”

His lie-detection quirk would help him discern if she’s genuine, making him more likely to believe in her potential for redemption if she’s honest about her struggles. He’d avoid direct combat, focusing on de-escalation, and might work behind the scenes to protect her from harsher heroes while still upholding the law.

Naomasa would pursue a path of justice tempered with compassion. He’d compile evidence to understand her actions, possibly consulting All Might or Aizawa for advice. If she’s redeemable, he’d advocate for rehabilitation, using his police connections to offer her a chance to atone. If she’s unrepentant, he’d ensure she faces justice, though it’d weigh heavily on him. His commitment to truth would make him a steady, if reserved, ally in her redemption arc.

Sir Nighteye (Mirai Sasaki):

Nighteye would react with cold disbelief, his logical mind rejecting the idea: “A villainess as my soulmate? That’s incompatible with my vision of the future.”

His foresight quirk and rigid belief in a heroic world would make him see this as a flaw in fate, prompting him to question the bond’s validity. However, his loyalty to All Might’s legacy would push him to investigate her thoroughly, suspecting there’s a reason behind this anomaly.

Nighteye’s stoic demeanor hides deep emotions, and this revelation would crack his composure. He’d feel betrayed by fate, especially since he values order and heroism. His foresight might torment him—if he sees a dark future for her, he’d struggle with whether to fight it or accept it. He’d also reflect on his own past, wondering if his strictness reflects a flaw that connects him to a villain. The soulmate bond would force him to confront his rigid worldview.

“Can someone like her change?”

Nighteye would approach her with calculated precision, using his foresight to anticipate her moves and confront her strategically. In person, he’d be stern and commanding.

“You’re my soulmate, but that doesn’t excuse your actions. Explain yourself.”

His quirk would give him an edge in battles, but he’d avoid using it to see her future, fearing it’d lock him into a doomed path. If she shows remorse or complexity, he’d soften slightly, offering her a chance to prove herself, but he’d remain skeptical until she earns his trust.

Nighteye would see her redemption as a way to reshape the future, aligning with his belief in creating a hopeful world. He’d work tirelessly to guide her, possibly mentoring her like he did Mirio, but with stricter oversight. If she’s irredeemable, he’d accept it grimly, using his foresight to ensure she’s stopped without collateral damage. If she changes, he’d view it as proof that even his predictions can be defied, softening his outlook and deepening his bond with her.

[azurajae]

I find it really interesting that as the games go on, Riku becomes more confident and secure with himself while Sora gets more insecure and depressesed.

Riku kinda started at a low point in the beginning by giving into the darkness. He was ridden with guilt and depression over the pain he caused by his mistakes and spent CoM, Days, and KH2 trying to make up for it all. He finally manages to get some closure in KH3D and manages to find a healthy way to move on from his guilt and sadness. While the scars might still be there and might creep up sometimes, Riku has grown into someone strong and dependable. There are always new ways for Riku to grow as a person, but I can't say enough about how proud I am of him of the progress he's made so far.

Meanwhile, on a surface level, Sora has remained stagnant personality-wise for most of the series. He is happy-go-lucky, kind, and selfless, someone you'd appreciate as a friend. However, in small moments throughout the games, he shows shades of his anger, sadness, and darkness, which seem to intensify each game. He has been told 'no frowning, no sad faces' and to 'never change', so while he seems the 'same', Sora's actually repressing himself. He's thoughtful and introspective, smarter than he looks, but acts foolish and silly because that's how he believes his friends expect of him. KH3 was really prevelent with him hiding his true feelings behind humor, both his friends and enemies belittling him, and the stress/pressure causing him to snap in the final battle. When Xehanort strips all his light away in the final battle, what's underneath? Rage.

It's also pretty interesting that Riku and Sora both precieve(d) themselves as worthless. In Riku's case it's stemming from the guilt of his mistakes and feeling he should isolate himself as punishment, while Sora is so incredibly selfless and blessed/cursed with the 'friends are my power' motto, he believes that he is nothing without his friends.

Makes me wonder what's going to be happening with Sora now that we are in Stage 2 of KH and the tonal shift with the realistic graphics. He is all alone in a totally different reality with a (possibly) dwindling hope of ever returning home. He doesn't even have anymore people in his heart apartment, it's empty now. How will this new enviroment and situation affect him? And how much will he change by the time Riku meets up with him (if/when he does)? It feels like Sora's character arc is finally beginning.

"The closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes."

We seem to be calling back to some early quotes from the series. Makes me wonder if this statement is now foreshadowing.

[magicaii]

mha 424 and bakugo's sorrow

bakugo's devastation is so palpable and raw. and while it's not spelled out directly because of how incoherent and emotional he is in this scene, his feelings go a lot deeper than just being sad that izuku doesn't have a quirk anymore.

ever since izuku got a quirk and their relationship had started to change, as well as bakugo reflecting on his treatment and deep down feelings about izuku, he's come to realize that he actually cares about him and doesn't want to continue holding him at arms length. bakugo had to go through a lot of introspection to reevaluate his role in their history and his feelings about izuku being in his life. this gave him the chance to atone for his past actions by moving forward and being a positive force in izuku's life rather than one who only ever knocked him down, so that instead of having to dwell on his guilt he can channel those feelings productively into being the best friend and rival he can to push izuku's growth as a hero and make up for it. it was very much a case of not only bakugo but izuku both moving on from their past together, never looking back. deep down, bakugo wanted to be equals with him. he wanted to be his friend properly this time, without the bullshit and insecurities.

but because izuku lost his quirk, bakugo now has to come to terms with the fact that the quirkless kid who he bullied exists once more and has just lost everything, and it's impossible for him to not feel at least a little responsible that whatever was holding their newfound relationship together has just been ripped away. it's almost like ofa was a bandaid, hiding a wound bakugo holds himself accountable for inflicting. in some ways, this regression must remind bakugo of the damage he formerly sought to cause, and unlike before, they cannot simply just focus forging a better relationship when bakugo has to face everything incriminating him. and bakugo can no longer stay by his side and do everything he can to atone because the past is alive and can't be overcome anymore, and this 'version' of izuku that doesnt have ofa makes him feel specifically guilty because bakugo is in a position of power over him again; they can't be equals.

bakugo doesn't just want to be rivals with izuku forever. he wants to earn that position. he wants both of them to play an active, healthy role in each other's lives and be good for each other, unlike before. and it must really hurt him that, in his eyes, there is no more reality where one day, when he has fully atoned for all of his actions, he can finally stand by izuku's side as his friend without that guilt weighing him down. because now izuku will wind up quirkless again and bakugo feels like there's nothing he can do for him anymore.

[danosrosegarden]

Elijah listen to me ELIJAH SHAKES YOU VIGOROUSLY BY THE SHOULDERS EDWARD NASHTON COCK WORHSIP OKAY? HE’S INSECURE AND THE PRAISE AND ATTENTION MAKES HIM SUBMISSIVE AND SHY can anybody hear me

i hear u so clear, my introspective moo...

and oh em gee would u believe it...it's masc reader!

♡ FIRSTLY. it takes a good, thick chunk of time and a flowering bushel of trust to even get him to take his pants off. he dreams about intimacy with you! you're stunning, you're perfect, he truly cannot believe he gets to spend his life with a guy like you! pinching himself isn't even adequate to make him believe that he's not dreaming! but holy christ is he so so scared! it looms over him like a thundering stormcloud. he's gonna have to face his fears at some point, and he's gonna fuck something up like he always does. you're gonna leave thinking he's a loser. edweird, who can't even get his boyfriend off. you'd think he'd feel a bit more confident considering all the ~quality time~ he's spent with himself. he should know how to twist his hand and swirl his tongue and he's basically doing the metaphorical equivalent of punching himself in the dick and going STUPID STUPID STUPID whenever he once again shies away from your advances.

♡ it's lots of fun getting to run your fingers through his hair and kiss him long and deep, and you're doing your best trying to invite him into something more. there's a clear roadblock, and the more time you spend with him, the more you chip and break away at his walls and discover what's festering inside.

♡ he came from the barren, the painful, the impossibly cold and quiet lonely. he talks of his past and his work and his daily chores with such empty, sad eyes. he does not know the warmth of kind, compassionate words. you were the first.

♡ it's a great honor, but it's also a hefty responsibility. he clings to you like you'll disintegrate if his fingers slip. and when he finally does piece together the trembling courage to vaguely ask would you like to?, you decide that it'll focus on him.

♡ his face burns crimson when you loop your fingers through the belt of his pants and help him shimmy out. he's ultra squirmy. you want to chuckle at his completely unnecessary quivering and almost depressing apologies, but you fear he'd take it as a jab. the truth is, he's already doing perfectly. he's gentle and kind and thoughtful and there's such a quiet, comforting, sentimental aura surrounding him. it was all so new, but it was almost as if your bodies had known each other for forever.

♡ but edward shatters that thought when you carefully and gently pull his boxers down. you can see the cool air hit him as he takes a long, deep sigh and looks down at you with waiting eyes. "sorry, 'm sorry."

♡ is he apologizing for his dick? is he stupid?

♡ cause let's be real...it would be a gorgeous sight. he's already shaking, a thick dribble of precum leaking down his blushing head. you watch his belly flutter with ragged breaths. he's waiting. waiting for you! fully prepared and stupidly excited to unravel at the seams, just for you! you haven't even touched him and you're already a bit high off the power.

♡ when you finally wrap a gentle hand around him and give him a couple soft, tender strokes, you come to discover quite quickly that he is loud. he tries not to be, but even his body betrays him; his hips roll and his sighs come leaking out from the hand clasped over his mouth. god, he can't believe he made himself wait so long for this. it's heavenly.

♡ he bounces back and forth between looking down at you and becoming humiliated and darting his eyes away. you don't mind. you've already gotten him so loosened up and much more comfortable than he ever was before.

♡ he falls apart completely when you speak. so pretty, eddie. such a pretty cock, all mine to touch. so good for me, ed. there you go, roll your hips for me. don't cover your mouth, i wanna hear you whine. atta boy. there's a good boy. my good, sweet boy.

♡ his brain is almost completely infiltrated by a burning, glowing fuzz at this point. he's lost all of the clinging, dark insecurity that grasped onto each cell of his body so tightly before as he watches your hand glide up and down, over and over. he feels the warmth tightening in his gut and all he can think of is how badly he wants to make you feel like this, too. he wants you down his throat, he wants his hands all over you, he wants you to be his.

♡ he tries to stave off the warm knot balling up inside of him for as long as he can. god, he doesn't want this to ever end! but with all the built up excitement from how new this all is, there's only so much holding off he can manage.

♡ you already know with edward's cum, there's ropes and ropes of it and he's ending the way he started: apologizing, meekly and with reddened cheeks.

♡ you wish you could etch into his mind that there truly is no need: what a gorgeous spectacle he put on! such a lovely blushy cock and adorable whimpers and lord, he's just so perfectly malleable when he's drunk off the feeling.

♡ there's so much more to explore with him. for now, you'll clean him up and let him nuzzle into the crook of your neck and you'll be proud, endlessly proud of him for letting you take his hand and walk with him into something so beautifully intimate.

[conceptionsofconciousness]

Uttara Ashadha Nakshatra, governed by the Sun, offers a distinct experience for individuals born under its influence. These individuals often struggle with feelings of loneliness and the significant weight of responsibility for their accomplishments. As they pursue their goals, they may find themselves reflecting on their solitary journeys, which can lead to feelings of melancholy. The pressure to succeed can intensify their sense of isolation, especially when they internalize the belief that their victories are solely their own. This burden can create a cycle of introspection that sometimes devolves into profound sadness as they grapple with the emotional cost of their ambitions.

Additionally, the successes achieved by Uttara Ashadha natives can inadvertently provoke jealousy among peers who wrestle with their own self-worth and insecurities. This reaction can further exacerbate the sense of isolation for these individuals, particularly when they feel a lack of support or understanding from those around them.

The weight of self-imposed responsibility, combined with the potential for jealousy and misunderstanding from others, can establish a cyclical pattern of loneliness. Their victories, which are meant to bring joy and fulfillment, are often overshadowed by a feeling of being alone in their triumphs. This inherent tension between personal ambition and social connection highlights a central challenge for Uttara Ashadha natives: navigating the path to success while fostering meaningful relationships and overcoming the potential for isolation that can accompany their achievements.

More posts on Uttara Ashadha Nakshatra

Nakshatra Notes Masterpost (Link collection of all 27 Nakshatras)

[catbowserauthor]

2003 Mikey Diagnosis

Thanks @brightlotusmoon for this request! It was fun

This one is fun. Because the writers really didn't like to give Mikey deep moments (which is one of my issues with 2003 TMNT, as much as I love it), we don't have nearly as much to work with as Leo. But I think we have uncovered something interesting—

So, in regards to trauma, I don't think its as straightforward. For the PTSD diagnosis, Mikey certainly meets the section A criteria--exposed to a traumatic event, family exposed to a traumatic event, etc. His whole family has this in spades.

He also meets criteria C as he will do anything BUT think about the traumatic events. And some of the behaviors in Criteria D are better explained by his ADHD

But Criteria B and the clinically impactful section he tends to fail on. Now, part of this is writing because, like I said, the writers really don't like to get too introspective with Mikey but I think there's another potential explanation.

While Mikey is an eternal optimist, as a therapist I would absolutely question his “no emotional reaction to trauma—and loads of it” and I’ll tell you why:

Trauma masking.

This a coping mechanism where someone throws themselves 110% into whatever role they are used to playing/expected to play. It might seem to outsiders that no trauma happened at all. It usually occurs in people who are insecure or who constantly put everyone else first (like our favorite nunchaku user) as they don't want attention put on them which could be directed toward others.

Mikey, judging by his actions in the series as a whole, is not nearly as confident as puts out. In fact, I’d suspect his self-esteem is very low. All his bragging, all his bravado, are very common for people who don't think high of themselves and are pleading for some kind of validation from others.

But directly asking feels wrong. So, they don't.

They don't want to be an inconvenience. As much as Mikey longs for attention, it has to be for the right reason. He reads the room exceptionally well and with so much energy being spent trying to help his oldest brother, Mikey would not want one iota spent on him before Leo is back to normal. He regularly plays the emotional sacrificial goat so this likely would feel like “here we go again, family first.”

Mikey understands the stress his brothers are under. He also understands that Leo has gone through more than the rest of them but still chose to try and lead the best he could until he literally couldn't anymore. He plays the compare game A LOT so in his mind, what he went through is insignificant next to Leo’s.

Ergo, Leo needs the healing more than me. My other brothers don't need to be worried about me too. I can't put more on Father’s plate.

Mikey is the master of “play your role.” Because he's seen it make his family relax, smile and bring back some sense of normalcy. THAT is what he feels he can do.

Mikey, fairly frequently, makes himself the butt of the joke, the clown, the one who wants to be noticed. If he's been called mindless, immature, etc then that's the role he will play because it gets him a sample of that validation he wants. Its not exactly what h wants but by thus point, he's accepted that us the closest he’ll get.

He doesn't want to break that, even if internally, he has been suppressing all these emotions of fear, sadness, from the frustration. The problem is though...as th trauma builds, the usual means of coping will eventually collapse, most likely to Mikey’s detriment.

So, what does this mean for therapy?

Well, it means I couldn't do a PTSD diagnosis as he is not currently presenting with all the symptoms. But, as I suspect an underlying set of symptoms that are not being expressed, I would likely do this:

Unspecified trauma and stressor-related disorder, R/O PTSD

R/O for those who don't know, means “rule out.”

We would need to meet with Mikey a few times. We'd do digging, build some rapport, and I suspect we'd find quite a bit about self-esteem, confidence and fears we would need to work on. Likely involving the rest of his family near the end.

FINAL DIAGNOSIS:

Unspecified trauma and stressor-related disorder, R/O PTSD, R/O Depressive Disorders

[canthaveshitinkamurocho]

I think about Y0 Majima a lot.

I started the series off with Y0, like a lot of people did. And it made Majima into one of my favorite fictional characters of all time, as I suspect it's done for way more people than I can imagine.

It was amazing, in a way, to see Majima bloom from 0 to 1. It made so much sense, given everything he went through.

Now, though, I also see his change to be a bit tragic. Y0 Majima is a very grounded character; he feels real, like he was some dude that you could meet and have a nice chat with (his interactions in the cabaret minigame and his side stories def helped develop that side of him). He's introspective, protective, hopeful at times, but also broken. There was this air of insecurity about him when he wasn't in his 'cabaret manager' persona, knowing he was on the Tojo's leash, probably forever.

Which is kind of true. He was with the Tojo til the end. It's not like he could leave, but he managed to reclaim autonomy through the 'Mad Dog' persona. It may have bits of him included in it, though it's not who he really is. And there's a sadness in having to limit yourself in order to be 'free.' Is it better than letting himself be treated like garbage? Sure, however, it's more so an exchange. He traded parts of himself for more self-governance. The Mad Dog persona is a defense mechanism which sometimes slips, especially for those he cares about (cough Kiryu and Saejima specifically cough).

The theme of violence and masculinity as a tool to survive is essential to the series, and Majima is a prime example of a character that wields violence to an extreme. Violence is his signifier warning others to stay the hell out of his way and let him exist as he pleases. It's given him a lot of freedom, but it's chained him down a lot, too, to a violent life bred from violence.

[shingekinomyfeelings]

Reiner relationship drama is that he puts you on a mf pedestal and is INSECURE ASF

I'm not talking about him asking for reassurance, i'm talking about him almost breaking up bc he keeps thinking you deserve better and all that (and if not considering breaking up, then he'd def be jealous asf)

Ig it would depend on how far it is in the story/universe, but as a cadet i can see him being the jealous type, arguing about you talking w someone he feels is "better" than him and all that, but later on when he's done that introspection work and all he'd def be on the more openly insecure side, pushing you away without meaning to until you have to ask him point blank what's wrong and why he's been so distant and only then would he open up

Bro just needs a big ass hug and reassurance plz 😭😭

Oh I can totally see him getting up in his head thinking you deserve someone better. Loving you despite your flaws, even thinking it's okay that they're part of who you are, but like... absolutely not believing he deserves that from you. You tell him you've forgiven him for his actions as a Warrior and he's like 'well you shouldn't >:c' lmao

Kinda speaking from experience as someone with trauma issues though, I know it takes a very long time to break out of that way of thinking, and he'd have periods where he was improving and ones where he backslides a bit, and I feel like he'd be really hard on himself for those times when his inner demons creep back up.

He definitely needs you to remind him he's just as human as you are, and maybe sometimes to just go 'oh you 😌' and ruffle his hair and kiss him on the cheek when he's berating himself. ngl sometimes when I'm seriously doom-and-glooming my irl friends will go 'oh Zeki 😂 *patpat*' and honestly it usually derails that train. Where did they learn that trick? I support doing that to Reiner as needed.

I kinda see him as way more confident overall in his pre timeskip era, where he's surrounded by people who look up to him, and half the time he's got himself forced into a state of 'actually I have always lived here and I am not here to murder everyone I've come love' so he can function, but sometimes he can't help thinking about the reality of his situation and getting extremely grim and depressed, and it just being super confusing to you because obviously he can't tell you why he's occasionally overflowing with self hatred and acting worried that you'll leave him. It's frustrating because from what you know of him there's literally no reason for him to randomly get into these insecure moods.

You'd be like 'aw sometimes he's so sad and mysterious, but I'm sure he has his reasons like everyone here 🥺 one day perhaps he will reveal his painful past' and then the reveal happens you're like '>:c god fucking damn it a lot of things make sense now.'

Honestly he probably deserves to be punched in the arm sometimes

[stereopticons]

On This Day in Schitt's Creek: March 29

2019

you put the sweat in sweater... [david/patrick, M, 1,300] by @startswithhope

This is just a little missing scene from "The Roast" set after the dance rehearsal and before David is back at the motel. I needed to explore the many reasons he reacted so positively to seeing Patrick dance... (really mild M here folks) And please forgive the title, I was SO stuck.

2020

Breakfast Can Wait [david/patrick, E, 1,856] by @schittposting

David wraps his arms around Patrick from behind and starts kissing his way up Patrick’s neck, starting at the collar of his t-shirt and heading toward that spot behind his ear that makes Patrick squirm. “David,” Patrick says, “I can’t concentrate when you’re doing that.” “Do you know how sexy you are when you make me breakfast?” David says into Patrick’s ear, following his words with his tongue and sucking Patrick’s earlobe into his mouth. “Okay, if you keep doing that, this pancake is gonna get burned,” he says, flipping it. Patrick's making pancakes for breakfast. David has other ideas.

Dreaming of an Easy Waking Up [david/patrick, G, 2,300] by ryry_peaches

Patrick and David have been misunderstanding each other, and they finally hash out all their anger and insecurities. - Patrick just stands with his back to the door, and he looks so sad that David doesn't know what to do — he only has a vague idea of why Patrick is angry, or sad, or — whatever he is; David doesn't have enough context to tell. He looks at David, and they're standing far enough apart that he doesn't have to look up to look David in the eye. "I'm not going to New York, David." His voice is thick in the way it only gets when he's upset.

kaleidoscope eyes [patrick & stevie, G, 1,762] by @landofsonlali

patrick and stevie have a conversation following the rosebud motel team's trip to NY.

Touch Me [david/patrick, T, 4,244] by MoreHuman

If David had asked out of jealousy or insecurity or even just a misplaced desire to mend the big closeted hole in Patrick’s past, he would be more than happy to ignore it, let it drop, as requested. But that’s not why David asked. He asked because he’s curious. Because Patrick has an experience with sex that David Rose, his gloriously queer boyfriend who’s had every kind of sex there is, doesn’t understand but wants to. And that’s. Well. That’s not something he’ll forget. That’s an opportunity. That’s a question he’s going to answer.

Trouble in a Skort [david/patrick, E, 1,068] by ryry_peaches

Patrick tries to have a fun time with David in his Rick Owens slit skirt, and it...does not go as planned.

2021

About Last Night [david/patrick, G, 3,049] by @madlori

Patrick and David process their first night together, largely via text.

Always Been Ours [johnny/moira, G, 4,971] by Picajc

The Roses have considered Stevie part of the family for quite some time. What will she say to legally becoming a Rose?

Burn Out the Night [david/patrick, G, 2,825] by @madlori

Patrick's a firefighter and David's a city engineer. They don't get along. Send tweet.

Ease My Mind [david/patrick, E, 31,793] by @goodiecornbread

You came out of nowhere And you cut through all the noise I make sense of the madness When I listen to your voice-'Ease by Mind' by Ben Platt -+-+-+- David is the "Brand Manager" of the Music Barn record store in Elmdale. Wendy's nephew, Patrick, comes to stay for the summer, and his only goal seems to be making David's life miserable. What is with this guy and his guitar?!

I Wanna Drive Through The Forest Inside of Your Head [david/patrick, NR, 2,021] by sunonyourskin

David was asking him to trust him, to let David in and let David know him. Truly know him. No more half stories. No more “there’s nothing much to tell”. No more secrets. Not again. ---------- An introspective piece, looking at the conversation where Patrick finally tells David all about Rachel. The second part of "The Moments In Between" series.

I'll Clear Closet Space For You [david/patrick, G, 11,306] by SoonerOrLater

Patrick moves into his apartment, David helps by clearing out his wardrobe and testing out the bed. Marcy helps by sending Patrick bits of home. Both of them realise they've lost a few things and gained a lot more.

I'll Come But Never Stay [david/patrick, E, 5,261] by @floosilver8

And I like the way you taste Some liquor and a chaser Flavor of forever just For the night... I'm obsessive with the chase I'll come but never stay so Turn me on and up Just like radio...

I'm looking through your eyes [david/patrick, E, 1,541] by @kiwiana-writes

Which is why the small silver bar in his eyebrow is so incongruous; it doesn’t fit with the rest of the image the guy (Patrick, his name is Patrick, David is really going to have to get better at remembering names so he doesn’t offend a vendor) is putting forward. It’s not like David’s never seen a piercing before. Hell, there was that brief regrettable period where Sebastien convinced him to get a tongue piercing. Still, this particular piercing captures David’s attention entirely without his permission.Or, the night at Stevie's where literally everything's the same except for the presence of a piercing or two.

Iceland [david & stevie, G, 300] by Rosey_Peach

ostinato [david/patrick, T, 4,531] by @grapehyasynth

ostinato, noun, from italian for "stubborn" - a pattern of notes, rhythms or movements that persistently repeats in a piece of music or David is good at music. Like, really good. And Patrick doesn't understand why he's only just finding this out.

Patrick Tries Spontaneity [david/patrick, G, 1,376] by th3d3adboy

David goes back to New York to visit Alexis and Patrick makes a questionable choice.

Těší mě [david/patrick, T, 1,113] by @grapehyasynth

Patrick is going to strangle his hostel roommate while he sleeps. Or something less violent. He’s going to report him to the Czech tourism board. He’s going to leave him a strongly worded note on his way out. He’ll definitely glare.

we can talk whenever you'd like [david/patrick, G, 362] by budd

Following their first kiss, Patrick texts David to have a conversation about labels and what their newly realized attraction for one another means for their relationship.

worth this mess [david/patrick, T, 3,631] by @5ambreakdown

Patrick hasn’t responded to a single text, a single phone call, in two days. Not even the eight stoned voicemails David left on accident after some misguided therapy from Stevie drew a reaction. And this is after the three days of space David gave him, so, really, he’s gone through five days without word from his boyfriend and he’s really, really starting to worry. They’ve had fights before - of course they have. Little spats because they’re both too stubborn and opinionated for their own good, but ultimately it’s only a few hours - maybe a day, if it’s really bad - spent pouting and wallowing and complaining to the nearest person before they realize they’re both idiots. And then they’re fine. They’ll make up, some tears will be shed (David), mistakes will be overly apologized for (Patrick), and love will be reassured and reaffirmed (both of them). That hasn’t happened yet. or, david and patrick have a fight, so david resorts to a dramatic (if a little disruptive) romcom-esque gesture to get back in his good graces.

2022

[Filk] + [Vid] Stockroom Nights [david/patrick, G] by @n0connections

Summer loving had me a blast Summer loving happened so fast I Met a guy cute as can be I met a boy who’s business savvy

An animated filk set to the Grease song Summer Nights.

[Podfic] (a long time ago) we used to be friends [david/patrick, T, podfic] by Amanita_Fierce

David gets ready for school, already concocting a plan. He is not going to pass yet another birthday with only his romcoms and Patrick (and Patrick’s empathetic eyes) to mark the event of his 13th birthday. A remix AU of 13 going on 30. Podfic of (a long time ago) we used to be friends by rockinhamburger.

36 Questions [david/patrick, T, 12,191] by @tyfinn

Can you fall in love with someone after answering these 36 questions? or David meets Patrick after signing up for a research study.

In Your Heart [david/patrick, M, 4,362] by NeverGoWithAHippy

Patrick falls into a fitful sleep stressed about his job, his fiancé Rachel, and his prospects for the future- just like he does almost every other night. When he wakes up with a pounding headache in a room he isn't quite familiar with, he isn't sure what to make of it. He isn't sure where Rachel is or where they are or why there's an actual man in his bed. People try to convince him that is is engaged- but not to Rachel. To another man? What year is it? What is going on?

One Late Night Conversation (In Bed) [david/patrick, T, 1,767] by @flowerfan2

A Milwaukee 'verse one-shot. Patrick wants to talk about his book. The conversation gets a little deeper than anticipated.

Thank You, David. [david/patrick, T, 228] by mallpretzles

Patrick needs taking care of when David gets home. David obliges.

2023

[Art] Handyman Patrick [david/patrick, M, art] by @lizzie-bennetdarcy

David comes home to Patrick doing some work around the house and distracts him

Victorious [david/patrick, G, 100] by @sspaz1000

David and Patrick play Wordle every morning. Will David get the word?

worlds apart [david/patrick, T, 1,914] by @blackandwhiteandrose

“You lived here,” Patrick repeats with the same incredulous tone. “I mean, the members of my family occupied the space occasionally over an extended period of time. Does that count?” David asks. ----- David and Patrick visit the former Rose mansion. They both have some feelings about it.

2024

a rose by any other name [david/patrick, G, 3,383] by otherpeopleareallthereis

The Roses are back at David and Patrick's for Christmas, and Alexis' oldest, Nate, needs some help from their uncle about a change they want to make.

Stats:

No fanworks for 2017 or 2018 2019: 1 fic/1,300 words 2020: 5 fics/11,230 words 2021: 14 fics/74,082 words 2022: 6 fanworks (4 fics, 1 podfic, 1 flik)/19,085 words 2023: 3 fanworks (2 fics, 1 fanart)/2,061 words 2024: 1 fic/3,383 words Total: 30 fanworks (27 fics, 1 podfic, 1 fanart, 1 flik)/111,141 words

[freakartack]

what made orbulon one of your favorite characters?

Oh my god LOL thats a crazy question. Not because it is crazy to ask, but because it is crazy to answer. I guess i should break this down point by point

Due to my various neurological idiosyncrasies, I have a brain chunk that is specifically dedicated to fucked up little cartoon aliens. I own a frankly embarrassing amount of Marvin the Martian memorabilia and also several collectible items of the cereal called Quisp, which was discontinued in the 1970s*, because it has a little cartoon alien on it. (*it came back on-and-off later and the last time it was discontinued was actually the end of last year, which was very sad for me, the sole Quisp enjoyer in the world.) And yes i am just as insane and anal-retentive about these cartoon aliens as The Big Man Himself. So that was the hook

THEN, I realized that orbulon is not just the typical freaky little megalomaniac alien, but a DEEPLY INSECURE and SURPRISINGLY INTROSPECTIVE freaky little megalomaniac alien. This is important to me for the same reason that I am a fan of the Muppets. His endless internal struggle to not be seen as stupid on a planet full of ants is very compelling to me

Continuing that thought, the fact that despite his dubious motivations he is genuinely enamored with the beauty of both Earth and space really rounds out his character. Not only is he trying his best to connect with the creatures of the Earth after one thousand years of being here and not doing that, but one of his favorite ways to do so is to bring people onto his spaceship and show them the wonders of the cosmos. And I love it every time because on earth he is just a weird thing but when he takes them in his spaceship they are amazed and speechless at the beauty of space...it is like he is letting them into his world, and they can finally see and understand what he sees. Effervescent

Also, the fact that he is so god damn old leads to a lot of fun story opportunities (like it being possible for him to meet the four heroes from ttyd) but also opens the door for some extremely poignant and heart wrenching implications, summed up very subtly by one of my favorite Orbulon quotes:

5. On a similar note, the fact that Orbulon plays it fast and loose with the "alien traits" he has makes it EXTREMELY fun for the biology freak in me to go wild with the speculations. I won't go into it too much here because i've already covered this extensively but just know that this is a very big bullet point.

6. The fact that his luck is constantly in the shitter is very relatable. I like orbulon because things are always happening to him

7. I would be remiss to make a list like this without including his gender. The fact that he shapeshifts so freely for the purposes of both self-expression and disguise is very genderish indeed

8. He's just got a kickass design. The shades that are evocative of both the glassy eyes of a stereotypical grey alien and Men in Black, the amphibian proportions, the awesome wardrobe. The bowling pin head is both inexplicable but also feels effortlessly natural. He's truly got it all. Similarly, the fact that he is a space alien that crash lands onto earth simply because he is shit at driving is such a funny and seemingly obvious direction to take this kind of character, and yet he's the only one I've really seen cash in on that. I like orbulon because things are always happening to him pt. 2

9. We have the same music taste

[transosdd]

forgot to add the level,, can we get level 3 please?

(person who requested simpbur)

𓎟𓎟 SIMPBUR ALTER PACK .ᐟ

︵⠀ ⟢ NAMES – simpbur, incelbur, amor, amias

︵⠀ ⟢ AGE – 24

︵⠀ ⟢ PRNS – he / love / soft / burr / song / hum / adore / blush / cupid / fleur / strawb

︵⠀ ⟢ GENDERS – masc-aligned, lovelettercoric, obsessiveyandere, lovergender, musicgender, obsessivefreak

︵⠀ ⟢ ORIENTATION – ambiamorous, omnisexual (male pref)

︵⠀ ⟢ ROLES – love manager, s3xual alter, intermediary, insecurity holder

︵⠀ ⟢ SOURCE – SIMPBUR [E-GIRL TRILOGY]

︵⠀ ⟢ FRONT TRIGGERS –

POS: intense romance & affection, music with a melancholic vibe, source music, poetry/lyrics/media with sad or longing themes

NEG: feelings of heartbreak or unrequited love, rejection/dismissal, competitive environments (especially with love), being called manipulative or unhealthy, feeling lonely or jealous of other relationships

︵⠀ ⟢ INTERESTS –

LIKES: romantic or sentimental gestures, music of any form, dimly lit and quiet spaces, creativity (especially in writing), rainy weather

DISLIKES: bright lighting, being rushed or under any pressure, upbeat and happy music, small talk or shallow conversations, sunny weather, sudden changes in plans or feelings

︵⠀ ⟢ COMMON OUTFITS – O1, O2, O3, O4

︵⠀ ⟢ FAVORITE MUSIC – O1, O2, O3, O4, O5

︵⠀ ⟢ PERSONALITY – dramatic, self-absorbed, and deeply melancholic. he thrives on romanticizing his struggles, often exaggerating his emotions to paint himself as a tragic, misunderstood figure. he’s introspective and poetic, constantly analyzing his feelings and turning them into grand, overly sentimental narratives. he craves validation and attention, especially when it comes to his emotional depth or perceived uniqueness, but he has a tendency to become bitter or resentful if he feels overlooked or rejected. he projects confidence and charm in his dramatic displays, but there’s an underlying insecurity that drives his need for recognition and connection. despite his flaws, he has a reflective, almost artistic side, and he channels his emotions into creative outlets. his interactions often shift between genuine vulnerability and manipulative attempts to maintain control over how others perceive him. ultimately, he’s caught in a cycle of longing for affection while pushing others away with his intensity. (MBTI : INFJ)

︵⠀ ⟢ ROLE/DUTY INFO – as the love manager, he meticulously tracks every relationship in and outside the system, obsessively analyzing dynamics and assigning meaning to even the smallest interactions. he often romanticizes these relationships, leaning into their idealized versions, but his emotional intensity can lead to overthinking or unrealistic expectations. he sometimes meddles, believing he knows what’s best for everyone involved. as the sexual alter, he carries the burden of trauma with a mix of hyperawareness and self-imposed control. he may oscillate between using charm and vulnerability to protect the system in stressful or triggering situations and retreating into hypersexual behaviors to mask or deflect emotional pain. he views his role as a way to maintain a sense of control in moments that feel otherwise destabilizing. as the intermediary, he actively steps into external relationships, either working to smooth conflicts or deliberately sabotaging them if he feels threatened, overlooked, or rejected. his tendency to dramatize situations can either bring clarity or escalate tension, depending on his mood and perceived security in the relationship. as the insecurity holder, he internalizes and embody the system’s deepest feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection. he often broods over these insecurities in silence, allowing them to seep into his interactions and influence his other roles. this can manifest as defensiveness, self-sabotage, or attempts to overcompensate by seeking validation. through it all, be carries an underlying need to be seen, loved, and understood, even when he pushes others away.

︵⠀ ⟢ INNERWORLD BEHAVIOR – in the innerworld, he is a solitary and brooding figure, often retreating to his own carefully curated space to reflect on emotions and relationships. he tends to avoid large gatherings or high-energy areas, preferring quiet, introspective moments. when he does engage with others in the innerworld, it’s usually in emotionally charged or dramatic conversations, where he can either offer poetic musings or air grievances, often tying them back to his own insecurities. in his downtime, he immerses himself in creative pursuits, like writing love letters (whether sent or unsent), analyzing the system’s relationships, or rehearsing idealized conversations and outcomes. he often revisits past memories, replaying them in ways that fuel his sense of longing or reaffirm his insecurities. while his presence in the innerworld can be intense, he sees himself as the keeper of deep emotions and unspoken truths. his home is likely a dimly lit, romanticized space, such as a small, cluttered room filled with old letters, books, and faded flowers—a physical representation of his longing. perhaps there’s a window overlooking a perpetually gray, rainy landscape, reinforcing his aesthetic. it’s a space designed for self-reflection, isolation, and processing emotions.

︵⠀ ⟢ OUTERWORLD BEHAVIOR – while fronting, his behavior is heavily influenced by his emotional intensity and need for validation. he often seeks out situations that allow him to express his feelings or reflect on his own emotional experiences. he can be quiet, preferring solitude to avoid the pressures of social interaction, but when he does engage, it’s usually with a deep, almost theatrical tone that invites sympathy or admiration. he often gravitates toward discussions of love, relationships, and emotional turmoil, as these are central to his self-image. he might talk to others about his own emotional struggles, offer unsolicited advice, or even manipulate conversations to steer them in directions where he can feel understood or validated. if someone else opens up about their emotions, he can become highly engaged, either offering empathetic responses or making the situation more about his own feelings. he might take on the responsibility of checking in with people, monitoring the system’s relationships, or planning romantic gestures to feel in control of the emotional dynamics.

︵⠀ ⟢ EMOJI PROXIES – 💌, 🌧️, 🖊️, 🥀

art credits: mizuu-h (tumblr), unknown, sketriorg (twt)

[pjohoo-reclists]

The Lightning Thief Era Rec List

In light of the first season of the PJO TV Show coming out and the flood of new fanfics that followed, here's a list of fic recs under 5k that are set in that time period. These fics do not contain spoilers for the later books/seasons.

Enjoy!

how'd you like to come around and stay by thesleepingsiren

T | 500 words | Complete

Percy Jackson

Lightning Thief Musical Inspired, Sad Percy Jackson, Insecure Percy Jackson

Percy is twelve and he just wants to belong, but he’s sent away for the umpteenth time and he pretends that his heart doesn’t ache as he’s sent to what’s sure to be imminent death. Or, introspection about Percy's time at camp until his first quest.

Changing of Tides by loosingletters

G | 500 words | Complete

Percy Jackson & Poseidon

Genderfluid Percy Jackson, Protective Poseidon, Coming Out

The sea never stays the same; why should Percy? Poseidon meets his child for the first when they arrive to return what was stolen.

The start of a legend by Phantomxlegend

G | 800 words | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood

The Lightning Thief, Percy Angst, Hurt/Comfort

When you just find out you’re a demigod and immediately get thrown on a world ending, life or death style quest. It can be a little stressful. Or Just some small Grover comforting Percy because y’all forgot about Grover.

Storge by itsmoonpeaches

G | 1.0k | Complete

Percy & Poseidon, Sally Jackson/Poseidon, Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson

Protective Poseidon, Family Feels, Poseidon Loves Percy

Athena clicked her tongue. “We must decide what to do with the other one…Poseidon’s spawn. Perseus Jackson.” Poseidon straightened. The quake inside his chest threatened to release the force he held back. Long Island’s shores were bombarded with waves. “Enough,” he growled. He unclenched his fists. His trident crackled in its sheath attached to his throne. The council quieted. Athena narrowed her eyes. - Or, as the quest concludes and the war ends, Poseidon is left with the truth and the realization that Percy means more to him than he knew.

A Mother's Love by coochinelle

G | 1.0k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood, Percy Jackson & Annabeth Chase & Grover Underwood, Percy Jackson & Sally Underwood

Parent-child relationship, Percy Jackson needs a hug, Guilt

"She must've loved you a lot to put up with that guy--if it makes you feel any better." Actually, that did not make him feel better. That did not make him feel better at all. Grover puts something into perspective and now Percy feels undeserved guilt about his mom. Takes place just before their first quest.

Storm on the Horizon by LakeAwen

G | 1.1k | Complete

Poseidon & Rhode & Triton

Undersea family, Canon Compliant, Book 1: The Lightning Thief

Poseidon's oldest kids learn that he broke his oath, and they're not exactly thrilled. It's not the kid's fault, but life is going to suck for a while. Poseidon cleared his throat. “Thirteen years ago, I met a mortal woman.” Rhode covered her face with both hands. “Stars above.” Triton threw his head back. “Dad.” “She has a son,” he continued, as if they hadn’t said anything. “What is the point of taking an oath if everyone breaks it?” Triton asked his sister.

A Father's Face by undeath230

G | 1.1k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson

Fluff, Pre-canon, mother-son relationship

Sally Jackson would break the world for her boy. There wasn't much she wasn't willing to do for him. And yet, when he asked about his Father, she didn't know what to do. She supposed she'd give him what little comfort she could.

Packed and Petrified by DancingInTheSliverGlow 

G | 1.4k | Complete

Poseidon & Hermes, Percy Jackson & Poseidon

Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Dysfunctional Family

When the olympians got a package “best wishes percy jackson," Zeus probably said something along the lines of, "At last, my bolt! Finally, your son admits to steali-" and then gets turned to stone for like five seconds.

Styx by Soggy_Ice

G | 1.8k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Annabeth Chase, Percy Jackson & Styx

Percy Jackson is not okay, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dark-ish Percy Jackson

The river Styx reflected his face against its murky water. It smelled of beer, seven-layer dips, and sweat. It smelled of garbage. For a moment, Percy was Gabe’s apartment again, locked inside his temporary room for the summer while Gabe’s voice demanded for his mom’s salary, as if his mom were the one who spent every night gambling. His reflection showed a boy, knuckles white over the edge of the boat, glaring at him with the same dirty hair and glowing green eyes. He was angry. Percy didn’t realize that he was leaning over the edge until Annabeth pulled him back, raising an eyebrow. She gestured at Grover, shaken up, murmuring prayers under his breath as they made their way down the river. Right. Underworld. Meeting Hades. For the bolt. For the quest. For his mom. OR Percy and Styx bonding.

a pattern of diamond-pointed light by zipadeea

G | 1.8k | Complete

Sally Jackson/Poseidon, Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson, Percy Jackson & Poseidon

Family Fluff, True Love, Light Angst

"Percy mumbled a bit in his sleep and turned toward the back of the couch, jarring the bag of stale marshmallows he and Sally had been snacking on. A few fell out, and Sally gently reached over to stuff them back in the bag. Then she stopped. She stopped and studied one of the marshmallows, the sugary residue leaving her hand sticky as she gripped it too tightly. Without another thought, Sally tossed the marshmallow into the waiting flames before her. Thank you, she thought. Thank you, she prayed. Her clean hand ran slowly through Percy’s hair, brushing the golden curls she’d always loved so much. Thank you for my son." *** Sally Jackson isn't a religious person. She finds herself praying anyway.

May you find kindness in all that you meet by Zagreusapollyon

G | 1.8k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Poseidon

Tooth Rotting Fluff, Father-Son Relationship, Baby Percy

After an argument with zeus, poseidon visits percy. Also babies are cute, so there's that.

brothership bracelets (don't take it off) by Nightingale231

T | 1.9k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Luke Castellan, Sally Jackson & Luke Castellan, Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson

Alternate Universe - Brothers, Percy Jackson is a little shit, Alternate Universe - No Titans

There's a new kid at camp, Luke hears. With green eyes like the ocean, depths crystal-clear like the everdeep river that runs through camp, and black hair like coal and hidden darknesses.

Everyday Revelations by inkncoffee

G | 1.9k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Poseidon

All Human - No gods, Father-Son Relationship, Kid Fic

Five-year-old Percy wakes his father up in the middle night and Poseidon remembers why being a father, even with all its stress and sleepless nights, was the greatest thing that ever happened to him.

The Peculiar Disappearance of Percy Jackson by Word_Addict

T | 2.1k | Complete

Percy Jackson, Sally Jackson, Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara

Based on Buzzfeed Unsolved, Dialogue Only, Book 1: The Lightning Thief

What if Buzzfeed Unsolved existed in the same universe as Percy Jackson? A script in the style of Unsolved, discussing the plot of the Lightning Thief.

you shall be betrayed by one who calls you friend by pragmatism

G | 2.1k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Luke Castellan

Canon Rewrite, Hurt no Comfort, Minor Injuries

“You were supposed to be wearing Maia. Not Grover.” Silence. The guilty admittance would have gone unheard to anyone else, the loud fireworks covering their conversation, and the only proof Percy had that he had heard Luke correctly was the blood rushing to his head as it pounded. or; a rewrite of the pjotv betrayal scene cause man.

The Odd Abduction of Percy Jackson by The_German_Grim_Reaper

G | 2.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson, Buzzfeed Unsolved Narrators

Dialogue Only, Buzzfeed Unsolved Fusion, Book 1: The Lightning Thief

This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we investigate the two-week disappearance of Percy Jackson and the odd occurrences surrounding it.

finally where i'm meant to be by roseprose

G | 2.3k | Complete

Percy Jackson/Annabeth Chase, Percy Jackson & Annabeth Chase

POV Percy Jackson, Domestic Fluff, Found Family

Percy huffs as Annabeth attacks his hair with a comb. “I don't get why this is such a big deal to you, it looks fine.” “Of course you wouldn’t understand. You’re a boy,” she says matter of factly. As she finishes combing his hair to within an inch of its life, she forces him onto the edge of the tub, looming over him with her arms akimbo. “Alright Seaweed Brain. Because you’re clearly insistent on ruining your natural curls, I’m staging an intervention.” He doesn’t like the glint in her eye. It’s the same look she gets when she’s about to execute a particularly deadly battle strategy. All he can do is nod. Or: Annabeth shows Percy how to take care of his hair. Fluff ensues.

Shock To The Heart (And You’re To Blame) by robindrake93

T | 2.7k | Complete

Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, Clarisse La Rue

Blood, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 1: The Lightning Thief

Clarisse ambushes Percy during Capture-The-Flag. Annabeth doesn't interfere. Luke cleans up the mess.

The Son of the Sea God: Parent's Day by Monkeygirl77

Not Rated | 2.8k | Complete

Poseidon/Amphitrite, Percy Jackson & Poseidon, Amphitrite & Percy Jackson

Good Parent Poseidon, Poseidon Loves Percy, Sally Jackson has the best of intentions but not all intentions are good.

“What’s the news, My Love?” Amphitrite smiles at the way her husband falls into an enamored spell for a moment, simply looking down at his son resting so contentedly in his arms, she’s seen that look in his eyes many times before. But centuries had passed since she’d seen it last. Poseidon had fathered a number of DemiGod children, not to say he didn’t love them deeply, he was well known for how much he adored his children no matter their mortality or appearance, whether they be humanoid, half-mortal, monstrous, one could not accuse Poseidon of fathering a child he had no affection for. But there was something about this one specifically. “Po, what news do you bring?” She thinks, perhaps, it’s due to it being so long since they’ve had a baby in their midst. Percy Jackson was a boy of five years old but when compared to their age rate was nothing more than an infant. There are many reasons as to why this child has him so enamored with him and those reasons Poseidon kept close to his chest. Not even she, as his Wife and Queen, was privy to those secrets he withheld. “ Poseidon.”

Queen, Mother, Hera Teléia by WardofWinters (QoLife)

T | 3.0k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Sally Jackson, Hera & Percy Jackson, Hera & Sally Jackson

Childbirth, Protective Hera, Protective Sally Jackson

Hera is the Queen of the Olympians. She understands Zeus’ need to protect them, to avoid the prophecy which could mean their doom. She understands that really it should be her focus as well… But Sally Jackson is only 19 and caring for a baby. She is only 21 and trying to make enough money to feed her child. She is only 23 and cradling her child after he strangled a snake to death. She is only 25 and trying not to panic as she learns of a Kyklopes stalking her child. She is only 27 and marrying a horrible man in the hopes of protecting her child. She is only 29 listening as the school explains that Percy was deemed at fault for the shark tank incident and was expelled. She is only 33 and running for her life, for her son’s life, as the world crashes down on them.

Capture The Flag by Anonymous

T | 3.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Annabeth Chase, Chiron & Percy Jackson, Percy Jackson & Poseidon

Blood & Injury, Canon Compliant, Protective Poseidon

"So what's the plan?" "Just watch Clarisse's spear," Annabeth said. "You don't want that thing touching you. Otherwise, don't worry. We'll take the banner from Ares. Has Luke given you your job?" "Border patrol, whatever that means." "It's easy. Stand by the creek, keep the reds away. Leave the rest to me. Athena always has a plan." She pushed ahead, leaving him in the dust. Easy, Percy thought. He could do easy. He barely knew how to hold a sword and use a shield but it couldn’t be too hard, could it? Annabeth wouldn’t assign him something beyond his capabilities. Chiron’s rules would prevent him from really getting hurt. It would be fine. (It was not fine.)

Legends are based on Truth by Monkeygirl77

G | 3.2k | Complete

Percy Jackson & Poseidon, past Sally Jackson & Poseidon

Fluff and Angst, Parent-Child Relationship, Soft Poseidon

Instead of allowing his son to leave his side upon surrendering to his Brother, Poseidon keeps him close, if only for a fortnight or two, because his Brother is a Vain God and he has no doubts pertaining to the matter that he will not attempt to strike his youngest son dead in his Euphoric False Victory. Percy doesn’t seem to mind the sudden protectiveness. He doesn’t know his Fath–Dad. At least he’ll get to learn about him now. And get answers.

Custody Shared is a Privilege. From both Sides. by Monkeygirl77

Not Rated | 4.5k | Complete

Amphitrite/Poseidon, Poseidon & Triton, Percy Jackson & Poseidon

Abusive Gabe Ugliano, Child Percy Jackson, Undersea Family

“I don’t know. Truthfully, Triton won’t tell me what he flashed into but he isn’t one to act upon another violently without prominent reason.” Those eyes darken once more. “He was told not to call for me. My son, my baby boy, was told not to call for me if he needed anything.” He turns back to the bathroom that houses their sons. “That is the reason he called for his brother and not me. He’s not going back. He is mine just as much as he is hers and I am keeping him. If she thinks she can fix that monster wasting away in human flesh she may do so but she will not keep my son with her if that is her decision.” 

Under the pier by dcninja

T | 4.5k | Complete

Poseidon & Hades & Zeus

Olympian Politics, The Big Three Oath, Post-the Lightning Thief

Zeus may have banned all discussion of Kronos after Percy's warning, but that doesn't mean others are willing to sit on the sidelines. The much needed discussion between Poseidon and Hades after the events of The Lightning Thief and the possible hints of the rise of Kronos.

[frostfires-blog]

As TGCF fan, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from TGCF? And why do you love them all? Also, your top 5 (or top 3) favorite moments from that series? Thanks....

[Hi, thanks for sending an ask! I appreciate any opportunity I get to talk about TGCF here since I don't really have anyone to talk to about it in person. Ngl, I have very predictable tastes lol. ]

──────────────────────

-> Top 5 Favourite TGCF Characters:

[ Honourable Mentions: Pei Ming, Mu Qing, & Yin Yu ]

5) Yushi Huang/Rain Master

I'm not going to go into a lot of detail since she was already featured on my top 15 female characters post... but I love her backstory and design. Her humility, patience, selflessness, and compassion are incredibly admirable, setting her apart from other characters.

4) He Xuan/Blackwater [Warning! Potential Novel Spoilers!]

His backstory and role in the series are really compelling and harrowing. I really liked his dynamic with SQX before the big reveal. I honestly didn't see this coming, even though I usually can spot plot twists from a mile away. Even though I am rather sad with how the Black Water Arc ended, reading it was tremendously thrilling. HX is a nuanced character with complex emotions and motivations, which adds to his appeal. I wish we had seen a little more of his actual thoughts and sentiments, though... On my first read-through of the series, I didn't particularly care for any of the side-ships, but after my second read-through, all the angsty tropes really resonated with me, solidifying Beefleaf as one of my favourite MXTX ships.

3) Shi Qingxuan/Wind Master

I don't think there's a single tgcf fan that doesn't like SQX. His compassion, loyalty, and integrity are commendable. His bright, mischievous, and fun-spirited nature is always entertaining to see. While most of us love his bond with MY—which is incredibly entertaining—I also adore his friendship with XL. The scene of him unwittingly exposing XL in front of the Heavenly Court will never not be funny. By the end of the series, despite facing immense adversity, he remains bright and resolute, which is tremendously inspiring.

2) Hua Cheng/San Lang

There's a lot to like about HC, but his enduring devotion will forever be my favourite aspect of his character. His willingness to prioritise XL's happiness and well-being over his own desires is everything. The way HC loves and accepts XL for all that he is truly precious. While some argue that HC is uninteresting because most of his development revolves around XL and we never learn his full backstory—he is actually a nuanced character with separate opinions and sentiments. I adore his charismatic, confident, and witty personality, as well as his introspective, sincere, and slightly insecure inner self. I don't want to go into too much detail since I'm going to write a longer piece on him as he'll be featured in the upcoming list of my favourite male characters.

1) Xie Lian

XL is a compelling character because—unlike typical protagonists who evolve during the course of their journey—he has already undergone significant personal development at the series' starting point. Rather than growing with him, we gradually unravel the intricate layers of his multifaceted personality and obscure past. His development throughout the series is centred around him rebuilding and forging connections with others rather than growing as an individual. He is unique as a character because, despite his kindness and compassion, he also recognises that there are circumstances beyond his control, which helps him maintain his composure in trying times. However, he does not let this deter him from attempting to help others. XL is truly remarkable for his capacity to discern the good in others, despite having endured immeasurable suffering and witnessed the darkest aspects of humanity. His unadulterated, unconditional love for HC is profoundly heartwarming. Nevertheless, once again, I don't want to go into too much detail...

──────────────────────

-> 2.0) Top 3 Favourite TGCF Moments...

Ngl this is a difficult one since both the donghua and the novel have a lot of great scenes in them... So I'll cheat a little and give 3 from the anime and 3 from the novel... Ngl, they're mostly Hualian-centric since I adore them with all my heart.

> 2.1) Favourite Donghua Moments:

#1 Bridal Sedan Scene (S1 EP1-2)

#2 Gambler's den scene (S2 EP1-2)

#3 “I promise, you won’t find another person more sincere than me in this world" (S1 EP12)

> 2.2) Favourite Novel Moments:

Warning! Potential Novel Spoilers!

#1 Curious Magic Shatters the Cursed Shackles (V8 Chap. 129) + Smiling As Red Robes Fade (V8 Chap. 130)

#2 Cave of Ten Thousand Gods Reveal (V6 Chap. 93)

#3 Temple of a Thousand Lights Endlessly Illuminating the Lingering Night (V3 Chap. 42) / “To me, the one basking in infinite glory is you" (V4 Chap. 63)

[P.S. Forgive me for cheating by tying two placements as there were too many to choose from... ]

[phoeebsbuffay]

Imagine you are Hayden Christensen's closest friend from college and you help him going through his divorce. Will friendship be enough for either of you? Based on the request made by @calzone-d ...

Warnings: *long post*, drama, explicit smut, fluffy endings.

Recommendations: "Summertime Sadness", "Ride", by Lana Del Rey; “Scared to be Lonely” by Dua Lipa; “Here with me”, by the Killers; “Always” by Gavin James.

***

How it started...

You were 19 years old when you finally got the chance to study cinema at Y/C's university. An old dream you had, to be able to transmit onscreen all your ideas. Your family encouraged you to pursuit the academy of arts in order to become an actress, but you thought yourself too introspective to act.

Well, here you were when you met him. The one who was destined to remain a principal figure in your life over the years. Taking acting classes--well, you did need to study it anyway--you bumped into Hayden Christensen.

"Excuse me", he said to you, a little out of breath.."Is this the acting class with Miss H/N? I fear I am slightly late..."

You remembered finding his blue eyes the handsomest pair of eyes you ever came across with: they were intense, secretive, but friendly too, somewhat emotional. You were instantly captivated.

"Yes, it is. And you are not in the slightest late, young man, but /very/ late indeed. Come in, take your seat, I'll have you updated..."

He gives you a long gaze, relieved for being saved from a bigger trouble—and you can tell he is a freshman like you.

“My name is Y/N”, you side smirk at him.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I am Hayden.”

You both shake hands. Something ignites within, but you think it’s because he has such a good aura…

*

“You are such a great actress!”, he is telling you, so many months later. “Quit with the production, you are better than me in decorating the lines.”

You grimace, which makes him laugh. The sound of his laughter is so comforting, like this call to your home.

“I don’t like this acting thing”, you dismiss his compliments nonchalantly. Today, you are in a cafeteria, celebrating the end of another semester. One more to go and you will be ready to keep up with your lives, though you and Hayden had vowed to each other never to be apart. “I feel more comfortable behind the cameras. By the way, I just had this idea!”

And then you lean to him, ready to shake him by his shoulders. He nearly chokes with his coke—but then laughing as always because your impulsiveness often brings him to laughters.

“For the love of God, woman. Do you want to see me dead before the time?”

You side smirk, silently apologizing with your puppy eyes. Hayden smiles back, before encouraging with what you had to say with only a nod. As you do, he seems to suddenly notice how nice your hair looks this day.

“I just had the greatest idea ever! I could film your audition and send to George Lucas. The Star Wars director is looking for someone of our age to portray young Anakin Skywalker. You know, before he becomes Darth Vader, of course.”

Hayden is taken aback by what you tell him. You can see the mix of sentiments that rises behind his blue eyes: insecurity, suspicious before reasoning to excitement.

“What? Are you for real, Y/N? How come did you hear about it? I mean…”

You tell him how your internship led you to it. This is how the fun begins, how both of you in fact begin your career.

*

You are there in every moment of his life: when Hayden has to conciliate his last semester with the filming of “Episode II: Attack of the Clones”, when he tells you that he and his on-screen romantic pair are having a thing.

He is also present at your graduation, the moment when you begin to transit to adulthood. What about it when you get yourself drunk for the very first time?

He is there too.

“I hate the taste of alcohol”, you grumble, unsure how come you are at his couch. “It aches my stomach, makes me sick.”

Hayden chuckles at how all of a suddenly you turn into these kind of discoveries after spending five years in college doing nothing but well behaving. However, due to such a strong bond you two share, he takes care of you.

“This is the moment where I tell you something you told me once: better to put out than to swallow all in.”

You raise your face, eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Did you just hear yourself?!”

“Wasn’t that what you told me?”

“No!”, you laugh hard at his remark. “Oh my God, H!”

He chuckles after you.

“Well, it did make you laugh, didn’t it?”

***

• The subtle changes…

You are single again. Your ex dumped you. Coincidently, Hayden is single as well. He’s also been going through a difficult phase in his life after all the critics coming from the fans of “Star Wars”. “Episode III” of the franchise didn’t go that well and even though it’s been a year since it’s release, he’s still affected by it.

“We’ve been through so much together”, Hayden tells you one day. “We should definitely do something new for a change.”

“I agree”, you sigh. Currently unemployed, you haven’t been yourself lately either. “Any thoughts?”

“A good journey would do us well. Let us go to Scotland”, so he says, excited. “Come on, Y/N. I’ll let you drive!”

You chuckle at his old tendency to be so reckless. And you do so because you can’t refuse him anything. A bad omen you clearly ignore, of course.

“Very well. When should we do this trip?”

But why’d you bother to ask when you know the answer? Hayden smiles warmly at him.

Oh that damn smile…

“Tomorrow. I’ve already bought the tickets and booked the hotel.”

You scoff at him, offended.

“What? Why? Are you taking me for granted, Christensen? For the love of God…”

Just like that he lifts you up and throws you over his shoulder, smiling as you scream out of surprise. As he puts you down, Hayden messes with your hair, delighted when seeing he’s the reason of your amusement.

And he realizes this is a nice view to contemplate: the sight of your smile, the sound of your laughters, the joy that sparks in your eyes… Seeing you like this makes him genuinely smile in his turn and forget about his bad phase.

But he doesn’t realize that this may mean something else. Or perhaps he doesn’t want to. It’s been years now since you and him became the closest of the friends, so what if all of this is just the result of genuine admiration from one friend to the other?

Regardless, he’s going to take you with him to Scotland. And so you go with him… It is wild to consider how you are usually all straight, not doing nothing that goes out the line all the whilst Hayden is more prompted to take chances and live the present quite intently.

On that fact you blame him being very aries all the whilst you, as taurus lady, prefer to know where you are going. However, he makes life so interesting that even you, as already observed, cannot deny him anything.

So here you are now at Edinburgh.

“I love everything that is medieval”, you tell him excitedly with a spark in your eyes that makes Hayden smile. He does like when you speak passionately about the things you are interested. “I cannot believe I took so long to come here!”

“Yeah, me neither!”

It is a good time to be alive, both of you agree. The landscape is seductive, peaceful, traits much sought after such a bad period you both went through. People too are kind, albeit reserved, but very pleasant.

Those days are being built in your memory as something great to be remembered, but perhaps there is just more that neither seem too attentive…

“Lady, one bedroom with two beds”, asks Hayden, when you got to London eventually because he, of course, is a man who plans very little—much to your distress, the woman who likes everything settled.

But this is not any hotel, but a fanciful one. The said lady looks at him pitifully.

“Mr Christensen, my apologies, but there is only a suite with one bed.”

You two blush, but Hayden somehow doesn’t mind it. This is when you realize you not only don’t mind it but you also want it…badly. Perhaps that’s why you sabotage it.

“You know what? Let’s make it for another day. Come now, Hayden. Thank you”, you blurt out, pushing him outside.

“What the hell was that?”, he frowns at you. “Y/N, what’s wrong with sharing a bed? Do you honestly think anything would happen or what?”

He doesn’t realize his words hurt you, but in truth there is more than his subtle frustration at your refusal allows him to admit. There is an unspoken rising desire between you.

And of course you have to ruin everything.

“I just… please don’t be upset! It’s because I cannot afford it and…” and you tell him the other reason for it, which appeases his anger and is more palpable than you’d care to admit: you are expecting an interview.

Hayden softens, naturally, but you know he’s changed. You hate it because you know why. There are so many things that suddenly rise in your throat but they die choked.

Somehow Hayden knows it too. But he chickens away. He hugs you instead, not willing to lose his best friend.

“I’m sorry for being such an impulsive jackass. But we did have a great time, didn’t we?”

Oh but if only you knew what waits for you back to US…

***

• The marriage

Here you are, dressed in yellow, standing as a maid in honor for the bride and groom. Your heart breaks because you realize a little too late that you are in love with your best friend.

Worse is: had you accepted to share one bed with Hayden in London, everything would be different. Yeah, you may not have gotten that job as a producer of that movie, but Hayden wouldn’t meet Rachel Bilson.

Nonetheless, here you are. Celebrating their vows, wondering if you could be there for a moment, what would be like if you were her.

“Hey, Y/Nickname!”, Hayden exclaims after the ceremony is over. He is wearing his gorgeous smile and dressed in fanciful robes, which all highlights his handsomeness. But you have learned to bury everything deep inside your heart. A secret that you’d take to your grave.

“I can’t believe you are married, Hay!”, you giggle when you greet him with a tight embrace. “I’m so happy for you! Oh my God, look how grown up you are!”

He laughs quietly.

“I know right? Who’d ever thought? The idea of marriage was hardly ever entertained for me”, so he says.

“Oh right! As I told Rachel once, I do have recollections of your drunkenness state and all that came between”, you laugh too, remembering the first time he had a hangover.

“What a time to be alive”, says Hayden in his typical good mood.

As you speak, you do seem to come to terms that if he is happy, so are you. You are at peace with it at long last. Hayden, on his turn, for a time seems to have suspected that you harbored feelings for him. But he always ignored it for the sake of your friendship. Now seeing how genuinely happy you are for him, certainly he believes it was all a thing of his head.

But why does he have a bittersweet taste of it?

“Could you introduce me to that man over there?” You nudge his sides, pointing to a handsome man that is not very far from Rachel herself.

Hayden raises an eyebrow.

“Really, now, Y/N?”

“You don’t expect me to be a nun, do you?”

He chuckles.

“Well I don’t want to see you get hurt, is all…”

Quite unwillingly, though, he leads the way. And maybe the night will not end that bad for you, after all.

***

•The divorce and the consequences…

In fact, looking back now it was really a great job pushing Hayden to introduce the guy to you because he ended up becoming your boyfriend.

This new relationship of yours, however, changed the dynamics of your friendship with Hayden for some time—but maybe it was all because he was living a different life now, becoming a father in the process.

A few years rolled upon, though, when everything started to fall apart—for you and Hayden. You found out that your new relationship was damaged because you and your boyfriend were scared to be lonely. A crisis developed to fights, to exchange of words that only broke hearts.

In the meantime, Hayden realized how long he missed his best friend. His own marriage started to fall apart, but the more it broke down, the more he needed you again.

Was it a selfish wish to have you by his side? Such questionings never reached you out due to his pride, that masked his hurt. Perhaps he was only scared to be lonely too. He could deal with it himself.

Nonetheless, destiny—the same destiny that pushed one from the other—is about to bring you two together again. One call and your night would be different.

You are single now, ready to go out that night with your girlfriends when suddenly a phone call startles you. It’s Hayden. Your heart races: he hasn’t been the one to call, and hasn’t done so for a long while.

“Hey, H. How are you? Haven’t heard of you for some time. Is everything ok?”, you ask, concerned.

There is a pause that accelerates your heart. You know he is not well. Before he answers, you immediately add:

“I’ll be in your home in a few minutes.”

“I’ll give you the new address. I’m not living with Rachel anymore: we got divorced.”

You are stunned upon those words. Now your silence leaves Hayden uncomfortable. He breaks it by saying:

“Y/Nickname? Are you there?”

“Yes, honey, I am. I’m so sorry, Hay. Please stay there… I’ll be on my way.”

He chuckles.

“Where else would I go to?”

In a matter of minutes, after requesting an Uber, you, dressed the way you are, arrive to his new home. Hayden side smirks when seeing you, though how he eyes you up and down makes you blush lightly.

“Wow, Y/N. Looking hot, aren’t you?”, he laughs when seeing the pink painting your cheeks, hugging you tight when receiving you. “Please tell me I didn’t ruin your night.”

You slap his shoulder playfully, eyes rolling at his drama.

“Don’t say bullshit to me, Christensen. I just wish I knew it properly before. I hope you don’t mind me looking like this.”

“You have always been a distraction to my eyes”, he teases you, pleased to see nothing has really changed between the two of you. “We need some wine, it’s not really a warming night, I suppose.”

As you look into his new apartment, he promptly gets the best wine to serve you. Without your knowledge, Hayden’s eyes follow your moves: noticing your y/c hair is now on your shoulders, how vivid your eyes are, remaining as observing and curious as before.

He cannot help admiring you physically too: though this is a cold night and you are dressed accordingly, when you drop your black coat on his coach, he sees your warming blouse shows some skin.

Indeed, Y/N, looking as hot and beautiful as always. Such is his thought.

He never really told you but Rachel was jealous of you. According to her, she could see you harbored feelings for him and part of her feared Hayden would correspond. Nonsense, he’d tell her.

But now, was she really so wrong? Yet, another and more important question he asks himself is: how could have he let go of you? Not only about matters of sentimentalism, but you’ve been an important piece of his life.

Seeing you back hurts his heart because he now sees the stupidity in letting go of you. He wishes he could have asked you to wait for him, to never let go of you. But this is such a state of complex selfishness that he quiets his internal riot and puts a smile on his lips when bringing the two of you the best wine he has, aware you prefer the sweet ones.

“I was admiring your new apartment”, you tell him, smiling in thanks as he passes you a full glass. “Whoa, looks like we are having a full drinking night, aren’t we? Christensen, I am not that young anymore. Not sure I am prepared to have a full hangover again.”

Hayden cracks loud and the sound of his laughters makes your heart skip a beat. Nothing feels different, you think, pleased.

“I’m bringing us something to eat, silly head. Besides I’ve always taken care of you, right?”

“That is true”, you agree. “But what are we having to eat today?”

“Always hungry, eh?”, he teases you.

You shrug playfully before saying:

“What can I do? I am a Taurus, you know it!”

He rolls his eyes, laughing loud again at your remarks—and that sound has always made your heart race, hasn’t it?

“Not with that astrology nonsense again!”

You slap his arm playfully before joining him in chuckles.

“Always with that astrology nonsense, silly.”

It is not until pizza is brought to you that the serious conversation is finally there.

“So what happened, Hayden?”, you ask him softly.

He sighs heavily, avoiding your gaze. He is silent, but you are patient, giving some time, for which he appreciates it.

“How often do we fall for the idea our minds make of the person?”, says he, sounding frustrated. “Not rarely we come to romantic ideas of marriage that break before the crude reality, you know? It’s not just about being different, Y/N, it’s… the commitment, I suppose, in making everything right. Turns out we had very different ideas of making it right.”

“I’m sorry, Hay. I really am”, you speak gently, taking his hand to yours, realizing how broken he is makes your heart sensitive to his pain.

He appreciates it, but when feeling your skin against him, Hayden is remembered the days before he met Rachel. The way he made you smile, the jokes that brought him to laughters. How easily it was to be around you, how you softened him. He, who was never a sentimental man, hugged you more times than he realized.

But Hayden sweeps away such memories.

“I am too. But I am fine now”, he shrugs. “I mean, not entirely recovered, but better than being broken.”

“Take your time, it’s the best you can do. How long has it been going on?”

Hayden hesitates but says:

“Six months.”

Your eyes go wide and your voice comes louder than expected:

“YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH A DIVORCE SIX MONTHS AGO?”

At least he has the decency to blush.

“Hayden! How could you keep me in secret for such a long time?!”

You’d remove his hand but Hayden doesn’t let you to. Pulling you to his side, he says, almost in a tone of desperation:

“I thought I could handle this by myself”, he explains. “I really didn’t want to bother you…”

Perhaps it’s the wine, but your tongue runs loose with words that have long been choked in your throat.

“And what am I to you? A second option, a plan B that didn’t work out? You’ve kicked me out of your life, Hayden. You’ve never called me to ask me if I was doing ok!”

He gives you a painful look that makes you regret instantly of what you said. You’d think he let go of you and a fight would come—this happened once when both of you were drunk, though by then you were both silly and immature.

“I’ve got a war in my mind for a long while”, he exclaims, holding your wrist and he pulls you even closer to him. “I was fucking stupid, I screwed it, I know. But never would I kick you out of my heart, Y/N! And I… I’m sorry I was fucking blinded by my pain. But only because I feared to hurt you.”

You await for his burst to end, very familiar with his intensity—but when his blue eyes search for yours, your soul is denuded.

Oh fuck.

“I stepped away because he was a douchebag”, he proceeds. “You deserved better than such a man, Y/N. I’ve heard of his doings but I couldn’t reach you out when… when I was in the mid of a crisis myself.”

“You’ve always been too shut in yourself to let others in”, you sigh. “But what relation is there with the fact I was in a relationship?”

“You deserved better”, he says with greeted teeth, holding your face with his hands, both of you barely noticing how your bodies have been dancing dangerously close to each other. “You are still slow after all this time?”

You are shocked, perplexed by his words. You freeze. Hayden smiles slowly at your reaction.

“I feel it everywhere, nothing scares me anymore. I won’t let you go. Now now, not ever. Fuck, I married the wrong person. Heaven has always been my favourite place on Earth when I was with you.”

“You have always been the best”, you mumble incoherently.

Just like that your lips clash against his. In between fervent kisses, where he pulls you to his lap, no reason is admitted. Not anymore.

“I’ve missed you, Y/Nickname”, he groans against your lips. “Like the sun misses the moon.”

“Always the romantic”, you chew his bottom lip as your hands run over his hair, pulling it gently. “Don’t want your memories anymore. Fuck, Christensen, you took so long.”

“This is not a game, I swear”, he breaks the kiss to pursuit your skin, his tongue already on your neck as his hands hold your hips, making you feel his rigid pants.

“Oh Lord. My worst sin is to never be able to refuse you anything”, you hate how wine makes you speak your mind.

Raising his head to watch you intently, he messes with your hair before holding your chin, drawing you closer to him.

Oh that intensity that involves one to the other!

“Then make me a sinner too for giving you all that you deserve.”

You crawl over him, you know you do, when your tongue pursuits his, one pairs the other rhythmically, perfectly. And then he lies you there on the couch, hands already working to remove your pants.

His eyes are set on yours like that of a hunter about to capture his prey. He knows you are on fire and that he is the gasoline. You lean partly to remove his shirt, hands all over him. You gasp when feeling his muscles under your touch and you want more, but…

“Patience, Y/Nickname”, his voice is husky and domineering when laying you down again.

“Yes, Master”, you giggle softly, in such a state that makes you both smile to the other.

And just like that his hands find way to your thighs, gently parting before inserting one right there in your feminine parts, not really taking away your panties for such.

“Oh, God!” You moan sensually, enjoying his eyes on you as he works wonderfully on you. “This is better than I thought!”

“Is it?”, he groans softly in your ear. “How long have you been thinking about it, dear one?”

“For a long while! God knows how much…”, another moan breaks you, earning him a smirk. “Hayden…”

“Yeah?”

“I fucked him thinking about you”, you admit.

His eyes dart, his body shakes lightly with desire. Slowly moving on top of you, his moves increase intently, watching you with desire.

“Damned be you for never speaking your thoughts to me”, he lifts your blouse gently but you help him removing it. As he starts to kiss your neck down to your chest, your legs begin to get heavy at his tenderness. “You should have spoken it to me…”

“Never had I the courage to do so”, you moan, enjoying having his hand over your neck lightly as he bites down your bra, slowly removing it with his mouth.

“For you should. It would have spared us some time. I fucked her thinking of you too”, he admits it drunkly before burying his lips to your nipple, much to your delight.

Hayden ruins you and it’s better than you could have thought. You want him to yourself, to make him unspeakable things but it’s difficult to do or say anything when his lips are so occupied with each nipple, twirling his tongue around it, sucking and biting it.

The sounds in his living room go louder each time. You are brought to heaven, and only then you take control of yourself again.

“Hayden…”, you barely speak when he finishes with you.

You both are a puddle of mess when you, nude, sit over his lap. You share a drunk look, one filled with the darkest desires for so long muffled, now brought to light.

“Yes, babe?” He kisses your shoulders, groaning as you rub yourself against his hardness. “Will you forgive me for such a behavior?”

His words are barely heard when his head is thrown back because your skillful hands find way to his pants and remove it so soon.

You glance at his manhood, impressed by how it is when it’s this hard under your touch.

“You don’t deserve forgiveness”, you giggle softly as you start rubbing it, enjoying to feel the drip of it. “You should be punished.”

He holds back a gasp at your words. Now eyeing you, interested in your upcoming moves. And when you slide to your knees…

“Babe…”

“Yeah?”

One glance. Unspoken words fill the air. And you take with his mouth at long last, not stopping until you have it all down your throat.

“For God’s sake!”, he gasps. “I can’t wait any longer to have you with me!”

All gentleness is left aside when he helps you settle on his lips and he slides inside you. To feel him throbbing like this, going so hard in you makes you arch your back.

“This feels so good!”

His hands move down your back as his lips pursuit your skin, licking and taking every bit of you—though he does know how much you enjoy when he takes his time around your nipples, which he does graciously.

But it’s not until his eyes meet yours, sealing your lips as much as you seal your bodies together, that all is at long last truly consumed….

***

• Nowadays

In a sober state, everything is better appreciated. Hayden watches as you gleefully prepare breakfast. There is nothing but genuinely love in his eyes.

What had started as an explosion of sentiments for so long kept in secret has now flown to what should have always been: a genuine relationship. From friends to lovers. From lovers to something better.

He smiles, not now missing the lateness of his realization that you have always been the love of his life. He stands and moves to behind you, holding you close and smelling your scent as you prepare him some eggs.

“What? I’ve been sensing your eyes over me”, you giggle like a little girl. “Don’t get me weak again, Christensen. This is so not you.”

He turns you at him and holds your face between his hands.

“I love you, Y/Nickname.”

Hayden smiles wide when seeing a blush painting your cheeks. And he beams when you tell him the same.

“I love you too, H. Though I fear I love you more.”

“That is not true”, he protests in between laughters.

But before you fall into that old cliche you and him enjoy in secret intimacy, breakfast is ready. As you two enjoy that morning moment, it doesn’t strike as how many years have passed before you two achieved it at long last.

“I have news to tell”, says Hayden with a bright smile on his lips.

You rest your chin over your hands and say:

“Well? Tell me at once.”

He appreciates all the love that comes from you. The way you look at him, how genuinely you listen and help him in every moment, how kind you always are, how sincere you speak your heart out. So many virtues and even your flaws he appreciates.

There is so much love between the lines and out of them too.

“I was asked to play Anakin Skywalker again.”

And how fantastic you are as his soon to be wife when you jump in his arms excited with his news.

“That is awesome, my darling! I’m so happy for you!”

“A better start than I could have thought”, he admits, pulling you to sit on his lap.

“You deserve it all”, you brush your lips against his. “I love you, my heart.”

“I love you, my soul”, he whispers back.

And this is the ending you deserve.

***

•Epilogue…

When you show up dressed in red—from your full lips to your body—Hayden feels something rise in his chest.

“My God, you look gorgeous, Y/N…”, so he says mischievously when you show up after leaving him waiting for 30 minutes. “It was worth the time…”

You giggle, blushing lightly after all this time. Your hair is loose wavily, put on side as you wear the necklace and earrings Hayden gifted you in your birthday.

“Don’t be silly. Have they arrived yet?”

The occasion is to celebrate Hayden and Ewan’s series “Kenobi”. Hayden’s aforementioned friend said he was going to pick them up in a limo so they’d go all together.

“They are about to… which leaves us a few minutes”, he places right behind you, holding your waist tightly.

“Hayden… It took me some time to get properly dressed. Besides, I…” you get lost at your words when he starts kissing your neck and his hands move up and down your back.

“What are you trying to say?”

Hayden smirks, enjoying the effect he has over you. It’s been some good years since you got together, but even now he manages to get you speechless.

“I…”

Your mind goes blank when he turns you to the mirror and see the naughty look that rests in those blue eyes. His hands move to your breasts, playing with your nipples before slowly exposing them.

“Hayden… they are….” You moan softly, struggling to keep your composure.

He turns you now against the wall of your bathroom, mouth dropping to your full chest all the whilst his hands move to your thighs.

“Hmm”, he sings softly, humming against your skin. “Hot as hell, wife.”

You try not to fall from your heels.

“Hayden!” You cry out when his fingers find all the way to you.

“You get your man on knees every single time. Getting me overzealous, uh?”, he smirks when going to his knees. “All wet for me, honey? Let me taste you thus…”

You are almost ruined as he does so, his tongue in you the way you want him to. You forget yourself, forget the reason why this expensive gown you bought three months ago was quite difficult to dress—precisely why you’d want to tell him by the end of the night.

You forget your state, you forget you should be checking time before your friends arrive. There is nothing to remember as he fucks you with his tongue deliciously until you are about to come undone…

Just like that he lifts your thighs and before you complain, he slides his manhood within, fucking you slowly and pleasantly.

“Oh God!” You scream but he has to quiet your sounds, especially because… the bell is rang.

“That was quick”, he manages to say breathlessly as he rushes to keep himself recomposed.

You giggle, suddenly shy as you do the same.

“Indeed…”

Hayden finds you adorable and peppers kisses around your face.

“They can wait a little. I thought you wanted to say something… you know, before…”

You two share a giggle and he smiles when you bury your face in his shoulder.

“I… I am pregnant, H.”

He hugs you closer. What a night, what a life with you is. Hayden Christensen could not have been any happier…