#it's effort that sometimes people who are personally impacted by whatever issue simply do not have the bandwidth to do

[theghostofashton]

.

[divinesangel]

— 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

i felt called to do one of these today, enjoy!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

your future lover will absolutely adore how authentic you are. they will feel a great curiosity about your energy and how you navigate through life. they will be able to see through you and sense that your wisdom and personality are deeply influenced by your past or the experiences you've endured throughout your life. they will admire your resilience and emotional strength, while also appreciating how mindful you are about the things that truly matter and important issues. you are someone who, despite facing many difficulties and conflicts, continues to see the positive side of every situation and sets boundaries in your personal relationships. your energy will become something quite special for them, as you will be able to help them see things from a different perspective and progress in life. you tend to do this unconsciously, so it's very likely that you won't even notice how much you'll impact this person.

your person will always want to make you happy, and they will put in whatever effort is necessary to do so. they'll have plenty of love to give you, and you'll undoubtedly feel their affection. you won't have to worry about anything or question whether they truly care about you or things like that, because they'll always make it clear through their actions. i see them working day by day to make you happy and doing everything possible to make things work.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

you will become this person's rock.

this person seems to have spent a great deal of their life juggling numerous tasks without allowing themselves a moment to breathe. they feel like they must always be doing something and cannot pause to reflect on their feelings or internal conflicts. your arrival in their life is going to open their eyes, and they will see you as someone to trust, as that light at the end of the tunnel.

up until now, they have been feeling very lonely, and i sense that this is due to their lack of communication about their feelings. there is something preventing them from speaking about how they feel, and this only causes that pain to intensify further. however, i see that with you, they will begin to consider giving that much-needed inner change a chance.

they will adore that you are someone so stable and with such clear ideas. they will see you as a person with an organized mind who knows how to maintain composure in the most difficult moments and find a solution.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

this person will want to be with you on the spot!

they will see you as marriage material. it's highly likely that this person will want to move very quickly or that certain things will happen faster than expected. at first, it might seem a bit suspicious to you, but it's simply how this person operates. i sense that they act swiftly due to their emotions, allowing themselves to be carried away by them, which might lead them to want to marry you or commit rather quickly. they'll want to give you the world and more, although at times, they may have some doubts about whether their love is reciprocated or if you truly enjoy being with them.

this person will admire your character. you earnestly fight for what interests you and for the people you love. you have no problem defending what you believe in and anything that aligns with your values. they'll be aware that sometimes you may struggle to trust others due to past experiences, but they won't hesitate to show you their true intentions and anything else in order to be with you.

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Honestly at this point, I'm really uninterested in hearing any gentile's "critique" of Judaism.

Whatever it is, whatever you're about to say, I am 1000% certain that at least one Jew has already raised this issue in ways that are thoughtful and centered in respect for other Jews. Probably lots of Jews; possibly whole theological movements. It's even possible that this particular topic has been under active discussion for hundreds or even thousands of years.

Someone has already said this better than you will. Someone has already raised whatever issue you have and grounded it in their own experiences of having lived a Jewish life.

So just leave it to us. Just stop. You're not helping. At best you're white-knighting, at worst you're actively contributing to an antisemitic majority culture.

"Well I've never seen Jews discussing [x] topic!" Your ignorance is not reality. These conversations are happening, possibly offline and at our Shabbos tables or shuls only, but they are happening.

"Well [x] topic impacts me personally!" Does it? Does it really? Because unless you live in Israel or Palestine, no Jewish group - no matter how seemingly numerous we may be in your city or neighborhood - is actually powerful enough to affect large-scale (or even typically small-scale) changes. Our fundamentalism is, for better or worse, directed at other Jews. The most intense thing I've heard of outside of Israel is a community getting together to petition the city to allow an eruv or a concentrated effort to make a few neighborhood blocks particularly Jewish because they're within walking distance of an orthodox shul. All other issues - no matter how ugly the opinions - are something that is part of much larger social trends that unfortunately some Jews happen to be engaging in. We'll deal with them; you focus on your people.

"I'm just listening to ex-fundamentalist Jews and white-knighting trying to help them be heard and not shouted down!" So first of all, if you knew anything about this topic, they typically call themselves OTD (which I'm sure you know what that stands for, because you've been listening) and secondly, great! You should listen to them. But their critiques are not your critiques. I can go on all day long about my family and their bullshit, and I can even (sometimes) appreciate you chiming in supportively. But it hits different when you go off chattering to other people about how my family is bullshit.

"Okay fine - I'm taking all that in and accept that my critiques aren't wanted, but what CAN I do, since I am literally vibrating in place about how Those People Over There Are Wrong and cannot simply ignore them?" Best thing you can do? Honestly? Learn about Judaism thoroughly from a variety of people, and learn how to be a good ally against antisemitism in all the spaces you want us in. Judaism not feminist enough for you? Learn how to make your feminist spaces safe and welcoming for Jews. Judaism not queer or trans enough for you? Learn how to make your queer and trans spaces safe and welcoming for Jews. Whatever movement you think we're not supporting enough or not showing up for enough, or whoever it is you think we're oppressing? Find the Jews who are doing that work (they exist, I promise) and listen to what they tell you about how to make your spaces be better.

[leonaxtreyobsessionsideblog]

Do you think Trey and Leona don’t usually get jealous when one is talking/hanging out with other male friends or do the two of them have a lot of trust in eachother?

sorry it took so long!.

this is a really complex one!!!

basics first Leona and Trey both trust each other a lot neither are the type to even bother considering a relationship with someone they don’t but they still do get jealous sometimes.

some general notes Leona gets jealous easier and holds on to longer but it usually isn’t that intent while Trey is the exact opposite it takes him a lot to get jealous and he can move rather quickly but damn it’s intense when he is.

so Leona being a Lion-beastman and Lions being polyamorous. meaning to me at least that Leona was raised in a culture where polyamory is common and there for possessiveness and jealousy in romantic relationships is less common.

Leona himself deeply struggles with insecurity and envy. leading to a conflict of his culture up bringing and his own personal issues.

so yes i believe Leona does get jealous really fucking jealous sometimes. it’s not because he doesn’t trust Trey instead he fears that someone will simply be better then him in a way he can not challenge, he’s spent his whole life being bested by people who were simply born luckier then him people who no matter how hard he worked he could never best wether it be his brother or Malleus and Leona can’t bring himself to believe his love life will differ.

He tries his hardest to not let it affect Trey though. it’s not Trey’s or his friends fault and again possessiveness is much less common and acceptable in Lion-beastman culture so Leona really doesn’t like that part of himself so he’ll just keep his mouth shut about it.

He’ll get super touchy like if he sees Treys with someone who’s just a little too pretty or a little too friendly he’ll just go over and wrap himself around Trey he doesn’t add to the conversation unless addressed he just wraps his arms around and rest his head on Trey, maybe shoot a glare or two at the person. if he can’t do that for whatever reason or is extremely jealous he’ll wait until he can get Trey alone and cuddle the hell out of him making sure to rub off as much his scent on Trey has possible, leave a few hickies and a few bites in more extreme cases jealousy sex is very likely and it’ll the rare instances where Leona tops.

Trey’s jealousy also doesn’t stem form distrust. Trey feels that Leona is so severely out of his league as he isn’t just a gorgeous man, an intelligent student, a skilled spelldrive player, a powerful mage but a prince… a literal prince and Trey’s just a guy he’s an average student an average mage not particularly athletic or attractive he’s simply a baker’s son… and that’s all Trey has ever wanted to be what he’s always strived to be… but now that he’s with Leona he can’t help but feel inadequate to feel that Leona would be more suited for someone more attractive more intelligent someone who puts effort into being exceptional. that feeling of inadequacy fuels his jealousy. Leona is the first exceptional thing he’s ever wanted and he’s almost willing to try harder to stop capping his grades at average to allow himself to be exceptional.

Trey also tries very hard to not let it impact his boyfriend’s other relationships he loves Leona and wants him to have plenty of friends and friends are just that friends. he knows jealousy and possessiveness isn’t productive or kind and it’ll just cause more problems so he ignores it.

when Trey’s see’s Leona interacting with others in a way that makes him jealous. he’ll usually try to ignore it to just swallow his jealousy keyword try he doesn’t do well while he won’t interrupt he will full on glare at whoever it is, he’ll also be passive aggressive as hell to them if he gets the chance to them. Trey will be much less passive aggressive to Leona though there would still be a little bit mostly small petty things like frustration baking not to Leona’s tastes and have him eat them, being a bit rougher when they kiss and slightly meaner teasing. though he’ll usually only do one or two and he’ll get over it quickly once he’s got out all that jealousy and frustration he swallowed.

they both usually pick up that the other is jealous right away and while will obviously reassure them they will also tease the ever living fuck out of them.

in short

Leona is clingy bastard when he’s jealous

Trey is a petty bitch when he’s jealous

i was also gonna add who/what they get jealous of but this is already a long ass post

[regsenny]

I Don't Really Care, Do You?

There are plenty of pre-existing think-pieces of celebrities and if their impact on society is significant/positive/negative, etc. In an effort to not sound like a parrot, I offer a similar line of thinking framed within current events. We know that everyday there are atrocities being committed around the world; sometimes far from us, other times in our backyard. We can choose to either stay informed on whatever is occurring and do what we can to bring it to an end, or we can choose to cover our eyes and plug our ears in an effort to not trouble ourselves. Those who choose the former will march the streets, sign petitions, and contact their local representatives, doing everything they can to find a solution. Those who choose the latter will remain in blissful ignorance, completely detached from the issue at hand. Or...

They redirect. Which introduces celebrities back into this conversation. Whether we want to admit it or not, social media and celebrities' impact on our society is substantial. One person can revive an entire small business, gather hundreds of people for a meet and greet, or trigger relentless bullying of an individual who may or may not have "wronged" them. So, obviously, their words matter more than most. They've been given a symbolic megaphone that allows their voices to travel across cities, countries, and oceans. Which makes that voice a powerful tool, whether you think they deserve to have it or not. And something that's often louder than celebrities' voices in times of crisis is their silence. Often what isn't said is just as (if not more) important than what is said. Why might that be? Simply put, a celebrity's silence or nuanced take allows an opportunity for the most victimless and unimpressive form of discourse society has to offer: gossip.

"___ hasn't posted about this yet. Their silence is DEAFENING."

"I can't believe ___ hasn't come out with a statement yet. I'm so disappointed by them."

"Thread of all the celebrities who haven't spoken out about ___. Feel free to add to this list! <3"

Rather than people focusing their energy on solving the issue at hand, they focus on pointing fingers and gasping in horror because their favorite TikToker hasn't made a public post sharing their thoughts. Which, in theory, sounds completely counterproductive seeing as the primary goal is to end the catalytic issue at hand... right? It makes me question where these people's priorities are. When "drama channels" are using their time to make videos bashing a celebrity's Instagram post instead of sharing stories, resources, and information about the actual victims, when people are "devastated... because ___ didn't post anything yet", and when the conversation shifts entirely from those who are suffering from a conflict to the "accountability" of those who couldn't be more detached from it.

When you care more about a stranger's response to an issue rather than the issue itself, do you really care about the issue at all?

[norwest2022]

Straight Teeth and Self-Confidence: How a Perfect Smile Can Boost Your Self-Esteem

A person's self-confidence may be boosted by having straight teeth, especially if they had previously felt self-conscious about their smile or looks. A person with straight teeth may appear more attractive and self-assured in social circumstances as a result of their improved overall visual appearance. However, having straight teeth isn’t just all about appearance. It can also have a significant impact on one's overall health. Having straight teeth can help with improved dental health, which can boost a person's confidence and sense of well-being in general. 

How Straight Teeth Can Positively Impact Self-Confidence 

Perfect teeth are frequently related to having a beautiful smile. While some individuals may be gifted with naturally straight and white teeth, others may put in considerable effort to get the smile of their dreams. Whatever the case, having beautiful teeth can boost self-confidence in a number of ways, both physically and psychologically. Here’s how:

Physical Appearance. Physical appearance is among the most evident advantages of having perfect teeth. Having white and straight teeth can significantly affect how you appear. Furthermore, having perfect teeth can give your face a more balanced appearance, sometimes considered a sign of physical beauty.

Psychological Health Benefits. Apart from physical appearance, having perfect teeth can positively impact one's psychological health. Perfect teeth can make a person feel confident and proud of their smile, increasing self-esteem and self-worth. Additionally, having perfect teeth can eliminate anxiety and stress for people who are unhappy about their teeth, allowing them to be more relaxed and confident in social situations. Last but not least, straight teeth are less prone to cavities and hidden dental issues since teeth are perfectly aligned, making them easier to clean and brush. 

Options for Straightening Teeth 

There are different options available for straightening teeth. Here are two of the most popular options:

Traditional Orthodontics. Traditional orthodontics involves wearing metal or ceramic braces attached to the teeth, gradually moving them into the desired position. Traditional orthodontics has the benefit of being able to treat a variety of dental issues, including severe crowding or bite issues. Traditional braces are frequently more economical than alternative solutions, and the effects are frequently long-lasting.

Clear Aligners. As an alternative to traditional braces, clear aligners are made to assist in moving teeth into the proper position. Clear aligners, which lack metal wires and brackets but employ gradual force to control tooth movement, are similar to braces in this regard. The aligners are designed to fit each person's mouth from a sturdy plastic material and can be removed, unlike braces, where the brackets are glued to the teeth. 

Benefits of Getting the Perfect Smile 

A perfect smile can do more than just enhance your appearance; it can also positively impact your mental and physical health. Here are some of its benefits:

Improved Self-Esteem 

Increased Confidence in Social Situations 

Improved Oral Health 

Achieve Healthy Straight Teeth with Norwest Orthodontics 

All in all, having straight teeth provides numerous benefits that go beyond just a beautiful smile. Investing in your straight teeth can improve your oral health, boost self-esteem, and improve overall health. Simply put, having straight teeth can contribute to an overall better quality of life. Ready to boost your confidence and improve your oral health? Check out Norwest Orthodontics now and get the straight, healthy smile you deserve!

[helloastro24]

5 zodiac signs that are likely to give a second chance to their ex

Each of us has been guilty of an almost inexplicably savage action at one point or another during our lifetime. Whatever happened, everything boils to the person you hurt. Certain people are naturally forgiven, but others aren't. A single mistake could cause a loss of a relationship or opportunity, or maybe they did something wrong and damaged your trust in their character. If not it could be because they failed to complete the job they were supposed to do. Whatever the reason your mistake, it made you not believe in their abilities. It's sometimes difficult to forgive. There are however a handful of zodiac signs that allow their loved ones to give them a an opportunity to forgive their ex for the most savage action! If you're looking to be aware of who to expect to be able to get an apology from, look not further than the zodiac signs listed below, because they won't simply apologize, they are able to see past the mistakes you made and are concerned about the person in a different way. Get your free online Janam Kundali online from our best online astrologer at HelloAstro24. It helps you predict the future for yourself by reading the birth chart. https://helloastro24.com/freekundali/

Libra Libras are strong advocates for giving others a courtesy. They do not blame anyone for making mistakes and believe that people are able to change. They also think that everything is dependent on the passing of time. If they meet with their ex-partner again they may decide to give it another chance. Libras will not hold your previous actions against you, especially when you've admitted your mistakes and apologized. They are also the zodiacs who offer their former partner an opportunity to re-engage because they are more focused on the connection and harmony rather than bitterness and anger.

Cancer Cancer is a bit difficult ending a relationship when they are close to one. Because it takes them an extensive time to recover from broken hearts and break up with someone, they could be the zodiacs that offer their partner an opportunity to rekindle their relationship when they are looking to reconnect before they've fully removed themselves from the relationship. They're willing to put in the effort to fix whatever has gone wrong inside the relationships, even though they aren't completely able to be able to forgive you. Since they understand that relationships aren't always easy and enduring, they are prepared to fight for the one they cherish.

Virgo Because Virgos are adamant about the rational over emotional The Virgos will give you another chance when they believe you are worthy of one. If there is nothing to change, they will not engage in the same relationship for the second time. Therefore, when dealing with people who are Virgo the person must realize that they're mature and will not engage in the same arguments that pile in the past. They may consider offering you another chance in the event that it's evident that you've sorted out the issues which previously ripped you apart.

Pisces The opinions of others have a significant impact on Pisces. It is difficult for them to say no the ex's call and they want to do it again. They want to please all people because they love to please. They also don't want to lose a person they love. Although it's not in their best interests to move, Pisces get quite connected to people they feel passionate about, and they are among the zodiac signs that offer their former lover the chance to come back and be reconciled with them.

Gemini The manner in which Geminis are feeling varies between days. They might be unhappy with you today however, a few months in the future, they'll not remember what made them upset. There's always the chance that the split will not last as they're impulsive and flexible. They'll not give returning to you much thought when they realize they're looking for you again. They'll go with their guts and choose to have fun. If it's a good idea in the moment it's unlikely that they'll think about what it might mean for them later on.

HelloAstro24 is using their best online astrologer to everyone out there across the globe. It has nurtured the best community of astrologers who have expertise in Vedic readings, tarot card reading, Palmistry and many more things. Their main motive is to help people to save their money and time finding an astrologer here and there they ensure credibility and they have worked for years for adding value to customer service. All this credit goes to an astrologer who works for the satisfaction of the customer by using their knowledge to deliver the consultancy.

[awritersreads]

(WRITTEN ON: 18 October 2022, published late due to reasons)

Currently Reading: Restore Me by Taherah Mafi

QUESTION: Who is/are your favourite book character/s? And why?

This one is hard, given the way characters just seem to carve a route to my heart and live there rent-free but if I have to choose, I'm happy to say that I do have a list of tenants, though in no particular order at all.

Percy Jackson

I think most people at least go through a phase of having him as a favourite character or a comfort character. In all honesty, Percy is definitely in my top 3 characters, and I simply adore Kelphead.

I love this guy for a multitude of reasons, not only is he super funny, sweet and adorably dorky but Percy's also the perfect example of a positive, boys will be boys.

I found his POV amazing, it was hilarious, light-hearted, fast-paced and so much more.

He was one of my first comfort characters and this guy is honestly one of the main reasons I have such a positive attitude towards my ADHD.

I feel like I did a terrible job explaining why I love Perce so much but I don't know, here's my feeble attempt at explaining my affection for this hyperactive little puppy.

And one last thing to add: while there's nothing wrong with having a crush on Percy, I mean a good chunk of the fandom either does or did, I can truthfully say that for whatever reason I just didn't fall for him and so romantic or physical attraction to him doesn't at all play a part in this affection.

Hermione Granger

I adore Hermione to an unknown, probably never-ending length.

She was the first character I just felt that click with and she's always been an inspiration to me and has helped me to feel a lot more secure in my own skin and under my crazy curls.

She's also inspired me to speak up in class even when I was embarrassed, she's inspired me to be proud of my nerdiness, to keep trying to do my best, and to be ambitious but work hard to achieve those ambitions.

And she cries all the time. Which I love. This helped me to be more comfortable expressing my own emotions and become more comfortable with vulnerability and not chase after an idealised, stupid version, of strength and intellect.

Hermione also shares the same greatest fear as me; the fear of failure, of never being good enough, as we see in Prisoner of Azkaban. Which I could (and still can) just relate to. It was honestly so wonderful to be able to have that in common with her.

Although the thing that most drew me to Hermione was that she wasn't just perfect.

We see her put in so much effort for her good grades and that was extremely validating for me, the reason being that I already adored Hermione and am super hard on myself about just being smart. Sometimes I used to feel as though if I were truly so smart I should just be able to do everything, just like that, but seeing Hermione working so hard for all of her successes was liberating for moi.

Harry Potter

I just love this guy, okay?

And I also can't count the number of times one of his lines or thoughts made me laugh so hard I choked-often when both laughing and choking were not too great to be doing, like say 1AM when you're re-reading Half-Blood Prince and are supposed to be sleeping.

The HP series are also the books that had a massive impact on me, not only for Harry's amazing sass but because he really helped me to grow as a person, for the better, and he taught me bravery, strength and his point of view, and his story, always has been an escape back home for me.

And also, this boy screws up, all the damn time.

I just can't not love him for that, it helped me get over my perfectionism issues alongside Hermione.

And again, he says stuff like:

‘Yeah,’ said Harry, ‘but you, unlike me, are a git, so get out and leave us alone.’

(Order of The Phoenix)

‘There's no need to call me 'sir', Professor.’

(Half-Blood Prince)

‘Why are they all standing around that manky old boot?’

(Goblet of Fire)

("Listening to the news! Again?") "Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.

(Order of The Phoenix)

Cyra Noavek

She is badass, yet sweet. Hard, yet kind. Strong yet weak. Daring yet sly.

When I need to do something that scares me and I need to be strong Cyra's book is the one that's coming with me.

[missmentelle]

What the Hell is “Emotional Incest”?

Emotional incest, also known as “covert incest”, “spousification” or “parentification” is a certain type of unhealthy relationship that can exist between a parent and child. In these situations, the child is treated more like a “subsitute spouse”or even a “substitute parent” to their parent than an actual child. The parent’s need to have an adult life partner or a parent of their own outweighs the child’s need for an actual childhood, and the child takes on an adult role in the relationship at a much, much earlier age than is developmentally appropriate. Although this does not involve actual physical incest, it can give the child lifelong struggles with intimacy, relationships and self-esteem. 

Sounds familiar to you? You may have experienced emotional incest or parentification if:

You grew up in a family that was dysfunctional or broken in some way. Emotional incest (EI) and parentification generally don’t happen in households where there are stable, loving parental figures who have a healthy relationship between them. EI usually occurs in households where one parent is dead, disabled, incarcerated or absent, or in households where there is serious dysfunction - alcoholism, drug use, mental illness, violence, poverty, divorce or other major issues. Generally, EI stems from a parent being unable to cope with their own loneliness or with the seriousness of their circumstances, and leaning hard on their child as a result. 

Your parent confided in you at an inappropriately young age. You were treated like your parent’s substitute therapist, and asked for your input on situations that you were much too young to handle - your parent may have told you about their sex life, your other parent’s infidelity, their own experiences of child abuse, or other adult issues that you were not old enough to handle. No attempt was made to explain things in an age-appropriate manner, and you were not told these things for your benefit; your parent simply dumped their emotional issues on you, and expected you to deal with them in a meaningful way, even when you were barely old enough to understand them. 

It was your responsibility to keep the household running. Almost all children are responsible for some amount of age-appropriate household chores, like dishes and vacuuming, but you were responsible for major household tasks that should have been your parent’s responsibility. You had to make sure that there was food in the fridge, school clothes for the younger children and that someone had paid the electrical bill, because if you didn’t do those things, nobody else was going to. At an age where most children can’t use the stove by themselves, you were expected to keep the household functioning.

You had to set rules and boundaries for your parent, not the other way around. You were the one who had to lecture your parent about responsibility when they came home drunk on a Tuesday night or when they forgot to take their medication again. You had to take on the “adult” role in the relationship and beg or scold your parent into growing up and being an adult for once. Although being on equal footing with your parent might sound awesome once you are both adults, it is an exhausting thing for a child to have to deal with - you aren’t even old enough to take care of yourself yet, but you are already responsible for trying to emotionally parent a grown adult.

You may have had to physically take care of your parent. In some households, children are made to engage in something called “instrumental parentification” - this is where you are expected to physically take care of a parent. This can happen in households where a parent has a physical disability and needs their child to prepare their meals, dress them, etc, but it is especially common in households where one or more parents struggles with substance abuse. If you had to routinely put a drunk parent to bed and clean up their vomit, you are well aware of what instrumental parentification feels like.

You were given no discipline or structure by your parent. It might sound awesome to live in a house where there are no rules and you can do whatever you want, but it is actually emotionally devastating to grow up in a household where no one gives a shit if you drop out of school or don’t come home at night. You weren’t given healthy boundaries and no one made any meaningful effort to look after your well-being - if you wanted to smoke and have unprotected sex in high school, no one cared. All of your boundaries and responsibilities were things you had to figure out for yourself.

You are probably the eldest child, or the eldest child of your sex. Children who experience EI or parentification are normally one of the oldest children in the family. Eldest daughters are at especially high risk, as both fathers and mothers are disproportionately likely to turn their eldest girl into a substitute mother or spouse. There are cases, however, where a parent chooses the eldest son for their codependency; this is especially likely in families where the father figure is dead or absent. 

You raised your younger siblings. You were, for all intents and purposes, the true parent of your younger siblings. Most older siblings have to do some occasional babysitting or keeping an eye out for the younger siblings, but your role went well beyond that - you may have been the only one making sure that they were fed, bathed and doing okay in school. If you didn’t get them up and off to school in the mornings, they simply didn’t go. You probably signed field trip permission slips, made sure that everyone had clothes for school, and took an interest in your siblings’ lives in a way that your parent never did. Your parent may have kept on having kids well into your adolescence - there was an assumption that you’d just keep on raising whatever children they handed to you.

Your parent was unable to handle your emotions, so you stopped showing them. Whenever you had some kind of breakdown or emotional moment, your parent absolutely could not handle it; they were depending on you to be the “rock” of the household, and when you showed any signs of cracking, it completely overwhelmed them. They could not step up to the plate and cope with your emotions in any way; they often made your emotions all about them. So you quickly learned to push everything down and put on a brave face at all times, all for the sake of your parent. 

Your parent did everything in their power to prevent you from moving out. Your parent was likely not a huge fan of the idea that you would one day move on with your life and leave them to fend for themselves, and they may have gone to great lengths to delay it. They might have discouraged you from having any kind of independence by preventing you from going to college or having a job, or they may simply have appealed to your emotions, insisting that you were needed at home and that leaving would mean “abandoning” them. Your parent may have intensely disliked all of your romantic partners, and felt threatened by the idea that your partner was trying to “take you away” from them.

Examples of emotional incest and parentification in fiction:

Fiona from Shameless. Fiona is perhaps the boilerplate example of extreme parentification. She is the oldest daughter in a family where one parent has outright abandoned the family, and the other parent is a low-functioning alcoholic with little interest in being a father. Fiona raises all of her younger siblings and ensures that the household is somewhat functional, at the cost of her own happiness. She repeatedly makes poor decisions in her personal life, but does not have any parent around to offer her guidance.

Princess Carolyn from Bojack Horseman. Princess Carolyn was raised by an alcoholic mother, and often had to fill in for her mom at her cleaning job when she was too drunk to work, so her mother would not be fired. Her mother also tries to use guilt to keep Princess Carolyn from leaving home to achieve her dreams. As an adult, Princess Carolyn continues to be hyper-responsible for the dysfunctional adults around her, and jumps in to save them from themselves even when it harms her. 

Bella from Twilight. Bella’s parents are depicted as being flighty, irresponsible and clueless, particularly her mother, Renee. Bella expresses guilt over leaving each of her parents to fend for themselves at different points in the story, even though she is a minor and they are both adults. Even while living with her father Charlie, Bella takes over the household chores and does all of the cooking, as her adult father is unable to cook for himself. 

Like anything else, emotional incest and parentification fall on a spectrum. You may have had a parent who was relatively functional when it came to finances and household chores, but made a habit of unloading on you emotionally and expecting you to give advice on adult issues. Or you may have had a deeply mentally ill and addicted parent who required huge amounts of care. Sometimes, parentification and emotional incest are temporary things - your parent may have leaned on you to be their parent for a few years after a major upset, like a divorce, before gradually getting back on their own feet, or their functionality may have waxed and waned as they recovered and relapsed from their issues. Some people have experiencing everything on this list and more, while some may have only experienced one or two things, and only for a short time. Not two families are alike. 

It’s also important to remember that the impacts of emotional incest are deeply negative. There is a huge misconception that being a parentified child is somehow “good” for you, because it will make you wise and responsible at a young age. This isn’t actually the case; what many people see as “responsibility” is usually just high-functioning anxiety, which comes from being raised in a household where you got very little guidance and there wasn’t always a parent there to back you up if you messed up. Parentified children often get a “late start” in life, as they may continue to feel responsible for their parents well into their 20s, and their parents may go out of their way to discourage life milestones like college, independence and marriage. Children who have experienced emotional incest also tend to struggle with their own relationships as adults; they frequently have poor self-esteem and an enormous tolerance for dysfunction in their romantic partners, which can be a dangerous combination. They often struggle to have relationships without taking on codependent tendencies and placing an enormous caretaker burden on themselves, and it can take a long time for them to feel comfortable in egalitarian relationships.

There is hope for children who grew up in these situations - therapy can be an excellent tool for working past these tendencies and moving past the loss of one’s childhood. But the first step is recognizing that something was wrong. 

[wkemeup]

Tw // suicide mention

Hey, I'm pretty new to mcu writing and idk you seem like a wise person (no pressure lol). There's this person that follows me and reblogs my stuff so me being me had the urge to stalk their blog. And idk their blog is very personal and they post a lot of things about their life and it's bad. Like I want to reach out to them and help them but again idk if I should cause they're more than 10 years older than me. And I don't want to intrude in someone's personal life. All I do atm is try to make my replies v funny, hoping that it might brighten up their day. It's not my place to just go to them and be like "Hey why are you posting about depression and talking about killing yourself. Do you want me to help?" because again they are a parent going through some issues whereas I'm just a kid in college. I'm aware it's not my place to interfere but I just keep on checking their blog every day to see if they're okay because I'm so scared. Ahh idk.

I'm sorry for the rant, I should not burden you with my stuff and it's totally cool if you don't wanna answer this. I love your work sm.I hope you're doing alright and take care!!

I love the whole theme around you guys thinking I'm 'wise' because I definitely feel like chaos most of the time lol.

Let me first day that I don't think it matters how old you are when you're looking for comfort or seeking it out. I'm 27 and while someone who is 17 won't know or understand a lot of the specific struggles I have gone through simply because of life experience, it doesn't mean that there still isn't value in being heard, listened to, and supported.

Sometimes people post personal things on here for the sake of just saying it aloud, but if I'm speaking from my own experience, when I do it - I'm looking for validation and support. It's not always conscious. Like sometimes I'm just like - I need to write this out and just put words to how I'm feeling and post it because then it makes it real. But it's the replies I'll often get that make such a difference and make me feel less alone and supported.

It sounds like you clearly care about this person, so I would message them directly (not in an ask) so they have the opportunity to reply privately. You could say something like, 'hey I've noticed your posts and I just wanted to check in to see how you're doing. You don't have to reply to this if you don't feel comfortable, but I wanted to make sure you knew you're not alone and I'm here if you ever want to talk.' Mention that you care about them and you have always appreciated their reblogs - so they know they have a positive impact on you.

They may or may not respond, but I think just the knowledge that someone sees the way they are feeling and makes the effort to reach out and say I hear you and I want you to be okay is really powerful.

Honestly, even reaching out by starting a whole different conversation could even be helpful. Maybe talking about how much you appreciated their reblogs and just build some kind of rapport that way before you bridge to checking in on their posts later? Whatever you feel more comfortable with. But I think regardless - don't let your age hold you back. I think it's incredible kind that you want to help so badly. Support is meaningful no matter who it comes from, even if you don't identify with their particular struggles. You can still be there for them.

[bigskydreaming]

Tarn the Uncaring and his Locus Vile remain creepy as fuck, but I can’t help but feel that this Hellions issue would be a lot more impactful if we had any clue whatsoever what Tarn and his ick squad’s powers actually are. Its the same gripe I have with the last Wolverine issue and that Arakki pirate guy......I feel like the writers are making all these new Arakki characters but aren’t bothering to figure out what they can even do beyond just make them look bad-ass or intimidating or whatever and just be vague as to their actual capabilities.

For the most part its not a big deal, but I do think sooner rather than later we do need an ACTUAL clue about what the hell Tarn and the rest of the Great Ring’s powers are, given that its been well established that the Arakki ONLY let omega level mutants sit on their ruling council, so like......I think they should have bothered figuring out what the Great Ring’s powersets are before introducing them at least, and I feel like a big reason for the vagueness is that so far....even the writers only have the vaguest idea about what most of them can do. I mean, the only ones we know for sure are Isca and Lactuna or whatever her name is....and we have a reasonable sense of what the fish dude’s powers are and they’re fairly epic....and Idyll’s powers obviously are precognition related, so....okay y’know what, I take it back. 

Of the Great Ring, the only ones we don’t really have a sense of are Tarn and the other random dude whose name I forget, and Tarn’s obviously have something to do with genetics/power manipulation.....but every time I see that giant caterpillar mutant, Xili or whatever his name is, I’m just like....okay we saw him in action but I still don’t get how his power works even a little bit.

Anyway, Hellions was an interesting issue, I enjoy seeing Sinister’s fuck-ups come back home to roost and all the Hellions finding out just how badly he screwed them on the Amenth mission, and I am intrigued by the mention of Chimera towards the end of the issue. I’m guessing all of this is building up to the reveal of Sinister’s first experiments in creating the triple-powered mutants we saw in Powers of X a hundred years in the future - and that series did mention that the first Chimera were ‘grown’ in the Vats of Mars, which is now Arakko, home of.....the people Sinister just admitted to stealing the DNA from to create these Chimera. So it all fits. 

What I’m curious about is how much of this is just leading up to the same events that already played out in Moira’s last failed lifetime, versus how much things are going differently this time around. Like, we’re finding out about the Chimera being created already, which would seem to suggest events so far aren’t playing out too differently from the last time around, given the references to them being made on Mars....BUT in Moira’s last lifetime in Powers of X, like, it was clearly referenced as MARS having been where the Chimera were first made.....while ever since the Hellfire Gala, the books have all been pushing really hard that the planet’s name is Arakko now. So what I’m wondering is if Moira’s last lifetime - where she was allied with Apocalypse for at least part of it as well - if Arakko and its mutants were ever successfully retrieved from Amenth....or if Mars was simply a Krakoan colony in that past lifetime, and the Chimera we saw a hundred years in its future were just the results of Sinister’s experiments with mutant/Krakoan DNA, with him never having had access to Arakki mutants or Tarn’s own experiments with mutation.

Because if the latter, then that would suggest that the key difference this time around, and the potential game changer for the future, is not actually Krakoa itself, but Arakko’s presence and the Krakoa/Arakko alliance, spread across two planets.

Hmmm. Must ponder more.

As for the new X-Men issue, it wasn’t bad but it was mostly meh. It felt like a lot of just action sequences with Duggan narrating how they all used their powers together to defeat the Annihilation Wave, and like....yawn? The mutant synergy idea is fine conceptually, but they are milking it WAY too hard, its like we get it, can you do something with the actual STORY rather than just being like look what happens when these two mutants use their powers at the same time? LOL. For what its worth, what story there IS in this issue is intriguing. I mean, the idea of Gameworld and its bets on the fate of Earth is pretty interesting, and Dr. Stasis is shaping up to be a dangerous threat, especially with him seeming to be on to the Krakoan resurrection capabilities (uh, not that they’ve been all that subtle about it, tbh), and allied with Orchis - thus them knowing about the great Krakoan resurrection engine as well, lmao. Like, they probably really should have put a bit more effort into keeping that under wraps awhile longer instead of just being like: 

"Oh Jumbo Carnation famously was murdered a few years ago with it all over the news and now we’re making a big deal about him designing all the outfits for our highly publicized Hellfire Gala, and you want to know how that could be possible, Mr. Reporter? Uh...look! A squirrel!”

Also, that plus the big fight between the Locus Vile and the Hellions on Krakoa after Ororo specifically WARNED Tarn that she was going to fuck his shit up if he tried to retaliate against Sinister - and that Isca and the rest of the Great Ring promised to back her on, lololol, its kinda funny that they all seem to hate Tarn as much as the rest of the Quiet Council all hate Sinister - anyway, all that has me wondering what the official policy on dead Arakki mutants is. I assume given that they’re mutants no fundamentally different from Krakoan mutants, that like, ever since they emerged from Otherworld, there’s no reason that Cerebro shouldn’t back up their consciousnesses as automatically as it does any other mutant’s....so is Krakoa sharing its resurrection technology with Arakko at all? Assuming of course that once they saw how Krakoans did it, they don’t have specific mutants of their own capable of matching the capabilities of the Five and doing the same for them. 

BUT then again, the idea of resurrection seems to fly pretty heavily in the face of Arakki culture, so I don’t imagine on the WHOLE they’re all that interested in it in the first place.....BUT BUT, that doesn’t mean that INDIVIDUAL Arakki mutants aren’t interested. And given that we know now that it was Solem who was pulling strings in Wolverine’s solo title and X-Force, and that he was behind stealing the Shi’ar logic diamonds, which are used in resurrection, and he seems to have aims towards stealing the Cerebro Sword from Mikhail in Russia......from what we do know of Solem, it would make perfect sense for him to be interested in resurrection, given how many of his own people want him dead (especially after how he fucked over War in X of Swords), and I can’t imagine Solem being all that interested in like, applying for Krakoan citizenship just for that perk if he felt he could finagle resurrection on his own terms instead.

Or that he thinks they’d even offer it to him at all at this point, given that Emma, a key figure on the Quiet Council, is personally gunning for him to get payback for what he did to Christian and the Marauder (yesssss, this is one Emma + Wolverine teamup I’m here for lololol). Course, I can’t help but think, you know who else would want payback for Christian, and who might be extremely helpful in going after a notoriously dangerous Arakki warrior with adamantium skin? Oh, idk, Christian’s boyfriend, the omega mutant capable of freezing anything so cold it can shatter with a touch....even vaunted adamantium. I’M JUST SAYING. We saw Bobby get his vengeful on after Kate was killed, and him applying that same energy towards going after someone as dangerous as Solem on Christian’s behalf, would be like....potentially the most interesting thing they’ve done with him in years.

Like, I know it won’t happen because it probably hasn’t even occurred to the writers, since most of them barely even acknowledge that Bobby and Christian are IN a relationship, but how fucking great would it be to have Solem smugly convinced that he’s a match for Logan only for him to be like “the useful thing about NOT being a loner loser like you and actually having friends and people who like me, is sometimes it pays to have a bigger gun than yourself on speed dial.” Cut to....Heeeeeere’s Bobby! You know, the dude who just singlehandedly gave your spiffy new homeplanet its ice caps. And whose boyfriend your pirate patsies tossed overboard and left for dead when stealing his ship.

Solem: Aww, fuck.

[itsclydebitches]

Is buying the new Harry Potter game supporting transphobes because I've been seeing a lot of that on twitter? Not playing it. Pirating is fine, but actually paying for it.

Hi, anon!

I’ve seen a lot of the same and had initially thought to post my thoughts on the issue… before I got a very angry ask condemning me for a post where I admitted that I thought the game looked great and was excited to play it. I can no longer link to that post because I deleted it: a late night, impulsive decision made in an effort to try and protect myself from further flaming. Thus, I considered ignoring this ask under the same justification… before realizing that it might not matter in the long run. The Harry Potter: Legacy trailer has been out for just a few days and already I have gotten that furious ask, been told off by a friend for mentioning the trailer, and was questioned (antagonistically) about why I had added a Harry Potter related book to my Goodreads list. They’re small and potentially coincidental anecdotes, but it feels as if any engagement with Harry Potter is slowly coming under scrutiny, not just the (supposed—more on that below) crime of purchasing the new game. Given that I will always engage with Harry Potter related media, if there’s any chance such subtle criticism will continue regardless of whether I make the “right” choice to boycott the game or not, I might as well explain my position. Especially for someone who asked politely! Thanks for that 💜. 

Which leads to the disclaimer: Any anon hate will be unceremoniously deleted. This is a complicated issue and I intend to write about it as such. I ask that any readers go into this post with good faith and a willingness to acknowledge that this situation isn’t as black and white as they may prefer it to be. If that’s not something you can emotionally handle—which is 100% fine. Some subjects we’re simply not inclined to debate—or if you’re just looking to get in a cheap shot, please hit the back button.

Right. Introduction done. Now here’s the tl;dr: saying things like “Buying this game is inherently selfish/transphobic” isn’t the hot take people want it to be. Is boycotting Legacy one (very small—we’ll get to that too) way of showing support for the trans community? Yes. Is buying the game proof that you’re a selfish transphobe?  No. This isn’t a bad SAT question. Legacy boycotters are to trans supporters as Legacy buyers are to  ___? The argument that someone is selfish for buying the game is basically that you are choosing a non-essential video game over the respect and lives of trans individuals, but the logic breaks down when we acknowledge that purchasing a game has no real life impact on a trans individual’s safety, support, etc.   

“But Clyde, you’re giving Rowling money. She is then using that money to support anti-trans organizations. Thus, you have actively put more harm into the world.” Have I? I’m not going to get into whether/how much/what kind of money Rowling is receiving from this project because the fact is we don’t know and we’ll likely never know. Suffice to say, she probably will get some portion of any $60/$70 purchase. The real question is whether those sales have any meaningful impact. Reputable information on Rowling’s net worth is hard to come by, but it seems to be somewhere between 600 million and 1 billion pounds. Or, to put it another way: a fuck ton. And money keeps rolling in from a franchise that is so, so much bigger than a single video game. It literally doesn’t matter how much money you might put in her pocket via Legacy because she’s already so goddamn rich she can do whatever she wants. If Rowling wants to give a million dollars to the heinous “charity” of her choice, she can. She will. You are not directly contributing to this horror because that money may as well already exist. Every person in the world could refuse to buy this game and she’d shrug, going about her disgusting life because it literally does not affect her in any meaningful way. You’re refusing to give the murderer a knife when they’re got direct access to a knife-making factory. Horrible as it is to hear, you can’t stop them from doing something horrific with that tool. 

For me, this is the straw argument of the Harry Potter world. Not straw as in strawman, but literally straws. Remember how everyone was talking about plastic straws, swore off them, and subsequently deemed anyone who still used one to be selfish people who didn’t care about the environment? It didn’t matter if you had a certified “good” reason for using one (disability) or a “selfish” reason (carrying straws everywhere on the off chance you wanted a drink is a pain in the ass)—you’re a horrible person who wants the planet to die. Same deal here. If you can swear off straws, great! Do what tiny bit of good you can. But if you can’t or even don’t want to give them up, the reality is that your “selfishness” doesn’t make a significant difference in the world. The amount of plastic corporations are pouring into the ocean makes your actions inconsequential. It’s not like voting where every small, individual act adds up to a significant total. This is your lack up against others’ staggering abundance. It’s not adding a few drops of water until you have a full bucket, it’s trying to un-flood the boat with a teaspoon while someone else is spraying it with the hose. Have you, on the most technical level, made a difference by moving that teaspoon of water out of the boat? Yes. Is it a difference that holds any meaning in regards to the desired outcome? Not really. Now apply all that to Rowling. She is so phenomenally wealthy—with additional wealth coming in every day—that your purchase of Legacy is a teaspoon of water in her ocean of funds. It’s inconsequential.

“But Clyde, buying this game would support her and supporting her sends the message that what she believes is okay.” Exact same argument as above. JKR’s fame is so astronomical that no video-game boycott could ever make a dent in it. For every 100 people who swear off her work there are another 1,000 who continue to engage with both her writing and the writing related to her world because she is that prominent. Harry Potter is one of the largest franchises of all time, second only to things like Pokémon and Star Wars. This isn’t some indie creator who you can ignore into silence. The reality is that Rowling is here to stay and we have to take far more substantial acts to counteract that influence. 

Even more importantly, buying the game is not evidence that you support her views and the black and white belief that it does is an easy distraction from those harder “How do we improve the lives of trans people?” questions. I started compiling a list of stories with problematic authors only to realize the number of incredibly popular texts with awful histories attached to them unnecessarily increased the length of an already long post. Everything from Game of Thrones to Dr. Seuss—if you love it, chances are one of the authors involved has a history of misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc. Which I don’t say as a way of excusing these authors, nor as a way to silence the justified and necessary call outs on their work. Rather, I bring this up to acknowledge that engaging with these stories cannot be concrete evidence for how you view the minority group in question. The reasons for consuming these stories are incalculable and at the end of the day no one needs a “correct” reason for that consumption (my teacher forced me to read the racist book, I only watched the homophobic TV show so I could call out how horrible it was, etc.) If fiction were an indicator of our real life beliefs we’d all be the most horrifying creatures imaginable. I may be severely uncomfortable with the queer baiting in Supernatural, but if a friend says they bought the DVD collection my response is not, “How dare you support those creators. You’re homophobic.” In the same way, someone purchasing Legacy should not generate the response, “How dare you support her. You’re transphobic.” There’s a miles’ worth of pitfalls in connecting the statements “You purchased a game based on the world created by a transphobic author” and “You yourself are transphobic.” 

So if buying Legacy does not add additional harm to the trans community from a financial perspective, and it doesn’t make a dent in Rowling’s platform, and playing a game is not evidence of your feelings towards the group the author hates… what are we left with? “But Clyde, it’s the principal of the thing. I don’t want to support a TERF” and that is an excellent argument. Your morals. Your ethics. What you can stomach having done or not done. But the “your” is incredibly important there. People need to understand that this is their own line in the sand and that if someone else’s line is different, that doesn’t mean they’re automatically a worse person than you. For example, I have made the choice not to eat at Chick-Fil-A. Not because I believe that me not giving them $3.75 for a sandwich will make a difference in their influence on the world, but because it makes a difference to me. It helps me sleep at night. So if not purchasing Legacy helps you sleep at night? That’s a fantastic reason not to buy it. But the flipside is that if someone else does purchase it that is not a reliable reflection of their morals, no more than I think my friends are homophobic for grabbing lunch at Chick-Fil-A now and then. Sometimes you just want a sandwich. 

“But Clyde, why would you want to buy it? Rowling is such a shit-stain I don’t understand how anyone can stomach supporting her—whether that support has an impact or not. Maybe someone eats at Chick-Fil-A because it’s close to them and they’re too busy to go elsewhere, or it’s all they can afford, or they don’t know how homophobic they are. There are lots of reasons to explain something like that. But you’re not ignorant to Rowling’s problem and there’s no scenario where you have to play this game, let alone spend money on it. So why?”

The reality is that I will likely be buying Legacy, second-hand if I can, but new if it comes to that, so I’ll give some of my personal answers here, in descending order of presumed selfishness:

5. Part of my work involves studying video games/Harry Potter and as a researcher of popular culture, my career depends on keeping up with major releases: good and bad. I often engage with stories I wholeheartedly disagree with for academic purposes, like Fifty Shades of Gray.

4. I find the “Just pirate it!” solution to be flawed. I’ve spent the last four months struggling to get my laptop fixed and I currently have no income to buy another if it were to suddenly develop a larger problem. I am not going to risk my $2,000 lifeline on an illegal download, no matter how safe and easy the Internet insists it is. 

3. We’ve been told that Rowling has not been involved in Legacy in any significant manner and I do want to support Portkey. No, not just financially because I know many others have insisted that everyone good has already been paid. Game companies still need to sell games. That’s why they exist. There’s a possibility that a company with just two mobile games under its belt will be in trouble if this completely flops. Is my purchase going to make or break things? No. Same reality as whether it will put new, influential money in Rowling’s pocket to do horrific things with. But I’d like to help a company that looks as if they put a lot of heart and energy into a game only to get hit with some real shit circumstances outside of their control. Even if they’re not impacted financially or career-wise… art is meant to be consumed. I know if I wrote a Harry Potter fic and everyone boycotted it because they want nothing to do with Rowling anymore, I’d be devastated. Sometimes, you can’t separate supporting the good people from supporting the bad. Not in a media landscape where thousands of people are involved in singular projects.

2. I’m invested in reclaiming excellent works created by horrible authors. That’s fandom! We don’t know much about Legacy yet—this is pure, unsubstantiated speculation—but this new story could be a step forward from Rowling’s books, giving us some of the respect for minority groups that she failed at. That’s the sort of work I want to promote because Harry Potter as a concept is great and I think it’s worth transforming it for our own needs and desires. The reality is that as long as Rowling is alive she’ll benefit from licensed material, but if that material can start taking her world in better directions? I want to support that too.

1. I literally just want to play it. That’s it. That’s my big justification. I think it looks phenomenal and I was itching to get my hands on it the second the trailer dropped. And you know what? I’m not in a good place right now to deny myself things I enjoy. I don’t need to tell anyone that 2020 has been an absolute horror show, but for me certain things have made it a horror show with a cherry on top. Not a lot gets me excited right now because we’re living in the worst fucking timeline, so when I find something that makes me feel positive emotions for a hot second I want to hang onto it. I have no desire to set aside that spark of happiness in a traumatic world because people on the Internet think it makes me selfish. Maybe it does, but I’m willing to let myself be a bit selfish right now. 

Which circles back to this issue of equating buying a game with active harm towards the trans community. It honestly worries me because this is a very, very easy way to avoid the harder, messier activism that will actually help the queer community. When someone says things like, “You’re choosing a stupid video game over trans lives” that activism is performative. Not only—as demonstrated above—is purchasing a game not a threat to trans lives or ignoring the game a way of protecting trans lives, it also gives people an incredibly easy out while still seeming ‘woke.’ Not all people. Maybe not even a significant portion of people, but enough people to be worrisome. “I’m not purchasing that game,” some people post and then that’s it. That’s all they do, yet they feel like they’ve done their duty when in fact they’ve made no active difference in the world. Are you donating to trans charities? Are you speaking up for your trans friends when someone accosts them? Are you circulating media by trans authors? Are you educating your family about trans issues? Are you listening to trans individuals and continually trying to educate yourself? These are the things that make a difference, not shaming others for buying a game.

All of this is not meant to be an argument that people shouldn’t be absolutely revolted by Rowling’s beliefs (they should) and that this revulsion can’t take the form of rejecting this game wholeheartedly. This isn’t even meant to be an argument that you shouldn’t encourage others to boycott because though the financial impact may be negligible, the emotional impact for you is very real. I 100% support anyone who wants to chuck this game into the trash and never talk about it again—for any reason. All this is meant to argue is that people shouldn’t judge others based on whether they purchase this game (with a side argument that we can’t limit our activism to that shaming). That’s their decision and this decision, significantly, does not add any real harm to the world. Your fellow Harry Potter fan is not the enemy here. We as a community should not be turning our visceral on one another. Turn it on Rowling. She’s the TERF, not the individual who, for whatever reason, decided they wanted to play the game only tangentially related to her.  

If Twitter and Tumblr are any indication, I can imagine the sort of responses this post may generate: “That’s a whole lot of talk to try and convince us you’re not a transphobe :/ ” For those of you who are determined to simply things to that extent, there’s nothing I can say that will change your mind. Please re-read the disclaimer and consider whether yelling at me over anon will benefit the trans community. For those of you who are still here, I do legitimately want us to think critically about the kinds of activism we’re engaging in, how performative it might be, whether it harms the community in any way, and (most significantly) whether it’s actually moving us towards a safe, respective world for trans people to live in. Personally, I don’t think telling Harry Potter fans that they’re transphobic for buying Legacy will generate any good in this world, for them or for the trans community. 

At the end of the day only you can decide whether you can stomach buying this game or not. Decide that for yourself, but make that decision knowing that there’s no wrong answer here.  

[grayyxv]

An Analysis of Portgas D. Ace

Alright I decided to do this since people actually enjoyed the analysis i did for Kid. Also, i find myself relating to him more and more recently. So, I thought: why not do an analysis of him?

Ace is undoubtedly one of my favorite characters in all of one piece so this might segway to become a "Why is Ace such a good character?" post.

Before I begin, just a disclaimer; I am aware that not everyone will agree with what I say so just make sure you understand that this is just my opinion. im just a psychology student so im just using whatever crap i learnt into analyzing this.

* This post might contain spoilers *

Here we go.

I think we can all agree that Ace is definitely one of the most loved characters in one piece. He has a shit ton of fans so i dont even NEED to convince you on why you should like him. But of course, there are fans that like him only because of his appearance or because of his abilities. So, id like to offer a different perspective- the same goes with my Kid post. Im just here to kind of breakdown the reasons why Ace is such an amazing character such that we can all appreciate him even more.

1. Background

Let us take a look at his background shall we? I think this is a very important part of Ace's character as all his choices and decisions stems from how he was raised during his childhood.

In the recent chapters of one piece, they showed a panel of Roger saying how he wanted a son. But we all know how that went. He was dead so he couldnt take care of Ace. Instead, taking care of Ace became Garp's responsibility, then it shifted to Dadan's responsibility.

Dadan was Ace' primary caretaker. While she provided and place for him to stay & food to eat, she isn't really shown spending time with him. She cared for him, that's for sure. But did she meet his emotional needs? I dont think so. Spending time with a chuld is very importsnt for their growth. But Dadan did not do that. It's evident that Ace displays the insecure-avoidant attachment style as he is unconcerned about his caregiver. This led him to develop trust issues as he got a bit older.

Another reason that could explain his behaviour in his childhood is that no one tried to address the relationship between him and Gol D. Roger. No one took time to acknowledge Ace's feelings about Roger. Everyone around him had said that he was an amazing man, but no one understood Ace when he said that Roger wasn't as great of a father. This led him to resent Roger even more- as well as the people who praised him.

Sabo's 'death' really affected Ace. Sabo was the first person who accepted Ace and I guess Ace must've grieved over him. (I mean, he does have a tattoo in memory of Sabo) But, Sabo was the reason why Ace decided to become stronger. So that he could fight for whoever he cared about.

2. Love

This is arguably the main theme in Ace's character.

His whole character arc revolves around acceptance and his goal in life was simply to find someone that could love him for who he was- not because he was the son of Roger. As explained above, he had attachment issues as he wasn't really shown any love as a kid. The firet person to accept him was Sabo then eventually, Luffy. It's unclear how Sabo and Ace met but, Sabo was definitely the first person to help Ace open up his heart. This is purely hypothetical but I think Ace saw similarities between himself and Sabo which eventually led them to becoming friends. On the other hand, he took a long time before he accepted Luffy. Luffy was an interesting child because he was so persistent in getting Ace's attention and acceptance. I'm sure Ace must have felt confused as to why someone would try so hard to even be accepted by him. Was it because he was Roger's son? Or did Luffy really want to befriend Ace because of who he was? When they became sworn brothers, it had meant that Ace was going to sacrifice everything for Sabo and Luffy. They followed different paths but Ace never stopped caring for them.

Moving on to the point where he first joined the Whiteheard pirates, this is when he experienced what it was like to have a family. Over time, they taught him about how a family should be like. They showed him unconditional love and sheltered him from those who would try to harm him. In return, he does the same for them. This was when Ace had found his purpose. His purpose was to protect those he cared about and those who cared about him.

3. Marineford

This is where Ace's character really was at its peak. We see that everything that we have understood about Ace makes sense as they are reflected in his actions. Him going after Blackbeard after he killed Thatch, then getting captured. But, this is where we learn that Ace is still struggling with his issues. He doesn't want to be saved because there's a part of him that thinks that no one cares about him. He thinks that nobody would bother risking their lives for him so, he didn't ask for any help as he didn't want to ne disappointed when no one came. At the same time, part of him clung on to that hope that he could be saved. That maybe just one person would come and rescue him.

As an audience, his conflicting emotions really impacted me because his feelings are all too real. What do i mean? This is kind of personal but, if you have ever struggled with mental illness you'll understand Ace's feelings. I've dealt with depression all my life and I could really relate to his feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I'm worth the effort, if there is any point in me living. Does anyone really care about me? Even if you don't have a mental health condition, surely you must have had times where you were in despair. That is when you wonder to yourself if there is any point in clinging onto hope. If there is anyonr that could save you from this situation. I think this side of Ace's character is so well written because it reflects reality.

The most heartbreaking scene is when Ace protects Luffy from Akainu. Some people argue that Ace's death was his own fault as he shouldn't have gotten agitated when Akainu insulted Whitebeard. But, you need to understand Whitebeard's relationship to Ace. To Ace, Whitebeard was the man that gave him everything a father would have. He was there for Ace physically and emotionally. He literally was the one who gave Ace the confidence and strength to fight for who he loves. So, I think that his actions and choices in that scene is perfectly valid. It fits his character.

Finally, Ace's death and his last words.

"Thank you for loving me."

This fucking broke my heart.

Everything about Ace's character is coming in full circle. His past, his choices, everything had been leading to this moment where he would die protecting the one he loved. He had finally achieved his goal in life- which was to find someone who could love him. He must've felt so fucking happy when he saw how so many people were willing to fight to save him. He finally attainted the happiness he had been searching for so, so long.

Then, he died.

This is going to segway a little but I really, really couldn't accept his death because he didn't deserve to die. Don't get me wrong, I do know how important his death is for the story and Luffy's character but I still can't accept that he couldn't live out the rest of his days happily. Also, the fact that he never got to see Sabo again just fucking breaks my heart because Sabo was the first person in his LIFE to accept him. (that is why i ship them lmao)

Anyways.

In summary, I think the reason why everyone loves Ace so much was because they could see themselves in his position. We can understand his conflicting feelings, his fears and worries because they are a reflection of reality. We desire for the same thing as he does: Love and acceptance. Which is why, we root for him. In times of despair, he clings on to hope- much like how we do in real life.

With that said, like how Ace deserves all the love in the world, you do too.

You deserve better.

TLDR; i love this man so, so much

[kdscannabisblog]

Customer Service as a Career

What is Customer Service????

Customer service is: professionally ensuring a positive customer experience.  Being a great assistant is much like being a customer service representative, with extra technical skills. In both cases, soft skills: social skills that relate to how you operate in your workplace, are the core of success in your chosen line of work.  According to the article: What Are Soft Skills “soft skills include interpersonal (people) skills, communication skills, listening skills, time management, and empathy...Adaptability Communication, Creative thinking, Dependability, Work ethic, Teamwork, Positivity, Time management, Motivation, Problem-solving, Critical thinking, [and] Conflict resolution.” They are some of the hardest skills to master: to put it simply, there is no hard science or measurable metric to determine how good you are at things like; work ethic, and networking. There is no real way to gauge how good you are at empathizing, how much every single customer likes you, or who comes back to the business because of how much you understood their issue.  Yet, there is an undeniable correlation between the improvement of business and the development of soft skills; that lets us know they have a major impact.

1. Soft Skills

Soft skills are notoriously difficult to learn and practice intentionally. But, it is possible, the trick is: you truly have to learn from experience and honestly evaluate your behavior. Working in any position requires at least some of these soft skills.  Dale Carnegie, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, claimed that soft skills, like understanding that people like to be greeted in the morning, are the key to a successful career.  He cites people like Andrew Carnegie, Teddy Roosevelt, and himself; all great leaders who went very far in their careers.  All of these men had much less technical knowledge than a lot of the people working under them, what made them such effective leaders were soft skills.

2. Positive Attitude

Working in any customer service environment requires a genuinely positive attitude and conflict resolution skills.  All of these skills are important to master in any workplace; at some point or another, you will have to use each one.  Honest reflection is the best way to master soft skills; ultimately discussing how you can improve with peers, and supervisors will yield the best results. Just make sure to make suggestions on how you think you can improve, rather than asking how others think you can improve.

3. Sincerity

One of the reasons that soft skills are so difficult to master is because they have to come from a place of sincerity.  People trust other people when they can tell that person is being sincere and making their best effort. People do not trust people who insincerely flatter them, cave to them, or hide behind company policies they don’t believe in. To be sincere you must actually seek to understand your customer. Find something interesting about everyone; there is something interesting or relatable about every single person. It may take several tries to find that point of common interest, but you will find some way to relate to your customer eventually.  Actively listening to your customer or coworker you can gauge their interest in whatever you’re trying to talk about, if you’re not interested: your expression, tone, or even the words you choose to say will give it away. Ways to show your interest in your customer can include: commenting on their hair, noticing they’re upset, asking about some of their favorite products and services they offer.  Whatever it is, make sure you’re interested in the topics you're pursuing; it will be a lot easier to ask follow-up questions and respond enthusiastically. If you’re just trying to keep the conversation going: you’ll give your customer or coworker subtle signs and should they choose to continue buying from your company, it will not be because of your contribution to the customer experience; which as a customer service representative is your job.

4. Empathy

Empathy is the number one skill in customer service, no matter what environment you’re in it will be the heart of the job. There is a big difference between having empathy for another person’s situation and treating other people the way you want to be treated. The key to empathy is: treat other people the way they want to be treated. Everyone has different expectations of how they should be treated; no two people want to be treated the same way. Some will want to engage with you, and some people legitimately want to be left alone or don’t want to make eye contact, and that’s fine.  What is really important to keep in mind: make an effort to relate to the customer, sometimes relating to the customer means: leaving them alone. When you treat people in the way that they want to be treated they are more likely to return to your business because you’re giving them the experience they want.

Think about the last time you called into a call center or went into a store: did you spend any time thinking about how the customer service representative wanted to be treated? Probably not, you most likely went into the store or called in expecting to be treated a certain way and if that expectation is not met, then you probably won’t patronize that business frequently if at all. It is when the customer’s, or supervisor’s needs are met that the job is well done. 

5. Listen

Active listening is the best skill you can develop to understand how your customer expects to be treated; it is the act of listening to the customer and responding to the customer in a way that shows you understand what they really want from your interaction. When communicating with a customer: always greet them with a positive attitude, and gauge their response, but don’t expect that act to brighten their day. Some customers will merely say hello, some want to talk until well after your business or transaction is complete, and some want to ask questions but are too nervous to initiate that line of conversation. To figure out what the customer wants: try to start a small conversation with them, avoid just asking: “how are you?” most people will just respond “good” and leave you nothing to work with. Instead, find something else to ask them, that has to do with them, ask them about previous orders, see if they have any questions about your service or products. The simple act of showing sincere interest in them, makes the customer feel special and important. No matter who you are; everyone wants to feel special and important like people care about them. Customers will come back to your business if they get that feeling from your interactions.

 Making people feel special and important is a skill that is a lot harder to develop than what you might think; when you’ve been sitting in a call center or at your desk, or standing at a register all day, no matter how much you're being paid, active listening can exhaust the brain, it will only develop with practical experience and a legitimate will to understand people. 

6. Understand Your Market

Understanding the statistics of market behavior is immensely helpful to any customer service representative.  “Studying consumer behavior is important because it helps marketers understand what influences consumers’ buying decisions.”  To expand on that, to effectively communicate with others, often the key to coworker and customer relations, you must be able to: understand what other people think and how they feel, what influences people to make the choices they make, one’s environment outside the workplace or customer interaction area influences their behavior. When you understand this kind of general information, you can more quickly find ways to bond with your customer.

7. Remember: it’s not the customer’s job to care about your day.

No one is contacting a customer service representative because they care about your day, but it is a customer service representative’s job to care about the customer.  At the end of the day, the representative is being paid to be there, the customer is paying for a service or product the company is providing. This statement may be blunt, but it’s not quite as cold as it sounds; people do not want to go out of their way to be considerate of others.  Most of the time customers do not think about the cashier they’re buying from, or the banking representative taking their call.  This is important to keep in mind when communicating in any environment, if you want to work effectively or provide a good experience for another person you must communicate on their terms, speaking to them about how you can help them, not necessarily what would be easy or convenient for you.

8. Treat People the Way They Want to be Treated

It’s important to remember that, no matter how empathetic and sincere you are: a portion of the people you’re interacting with will not be in a good mood, will not want to communicate, and will respond with negativity over positivity. It is your job as a customer representative to remember that these people are not mad at you personally, and still deserve your respect and empathy. If they only want their problem resolved, resolve the problem and leave at that, if they want to talk there is nothing wrong with taking an extra minute to be someone’s sounding board.  In the office environment: you will have to interact with people every day eventually you’re going to have to find a way to work together.  Most people who come into a conversation with a negative attitude toward your business, have a point in the heart of their complaint. Only the occasional person is trying to scam the system and get ahead.  Use your empathy skills to get to the heart of their ranting and raving. To confirm that you understand what the issue is, and what the customer wants simply: restate the issue and what you think the customer wants out of the interaction, and ask them if that is what they're trying to say, then resolve it as best you can.

For example a customer calls a store, they are up in arms and ready to curse you out and report your store to the corporate because; they read their receipt, and they believe they did not receive their senior discount.  The website does say that the store offers a senior discount, there is a disclaimer at the bottom of the page that explains: discounts don’t get stacked.  The items the customer purchased were on sale.  In this instance, it is your job as a customer service representative to resolve this situation, ideally, without losing the customer’s business or having to involve a supervisor. It is tempting to do one of two things in response to a belligerent customer: get defensive, condescend to the customer and stand behind company policy, saying there was a disclaimer on the website that discounts do not stack; or cave and give the customer their extra money back. 

9. Respect the Customer

The customer is not necessarily always right but they do always deserve kindness and respect. Even when you’re denying a person what they want, because; you’re unable to give the customer more money off. Neither of the above outcomes is ideal: using empathy, understanding your customer, and putting their needs at the forefront; will usually yield better results. 

To respond to the above scenario: start by empathizing with your customer; put yourself in your customer’s shoes, you came into a store expecting to pay a certain amount of money, and now you have to spend more.  In the heart of the anger and cursing, this person, on some level, has a point. When you understand your customer, relating to them becomes a lot easier.  Express your understanding that the website is a little unclear: even though the information is there, it is not prominent.  It can be frustrating having to spend more than planned.  Before you explain to them: your company doesn't stack discounts, think about your tone and your wording. One method to take is: express to the customer; the company doesn’t allow you to stack the discounts, but you, the representative, did the math and gave them the best deal you could within the rules of your job. Stating that you understand the customer’s frustration, and letting them know that you’ve done the best job you can, humanizes you to the customer.  Oftentimes, the customer appreciates the acknowledgment that they are not an idiot and the representatives of the company recognize (within reason) that there is room for improvement. 

10. Why You Should Care

Most of the time, using empathy and recognizing the customer’s frustration will end with repeat business, without having to give away extra money.  While the customer may still be frustrated with the situation, they will on some level understand. Most customers will appreciate that at least, you as an individual, have done the best you were able to to make right the frustrating situation. More often than not; responding with empathy and making a little effort for your customer will result in repeat business, at the end of the day people want to feel important and be taken seriously.

11. Work Ethic

One of the, not so obvious, keys to a positive resolution to the scenario is strong work ethic. When a customer has a complaint, it is easy to dismiss them, or just apologize and throw a refund or discount at them.  If you have a strong work ethic, it means you not only do your job, you make it a point to go the extra mile. While giving away money usually makes the customer happy, in the moment, it alone will not form the more personal relationships that lead to repeat business. Do the bonus work every time, even when it’s difficult and inconvenient. Going the extra mile: actually bothering to listen and understand the customer goes a long way to most people, and as a customer service representative, you need to go the extra mile at every opportunity. The same goes for any work environment, you will be noticed if you become known for going the extra mile.

12. Know Your Business

One of the best ways to go the extra mile is to become knowledgeable about the business or industry you’re in. When you understand other aspects of the business that you don’t necessarily work in; you can better assist both the customers and your coworkers. Understanding this can help you perform your job more efficiently.  Developing your own processes to adapt to the changing responsibilities of a working environment.  When you know how your boss organizes their time, and what is expected of them; you can better prioritize the tasks that you are assigned. 

Knowing the laws and policies of the company you work for can help you to solve problems more easily on your own, without the assistance of coworkers or supervisors. That way, the fewest number of people’s days are inconvenienced by the little hiccups that happen every day in every workplace.  Understanding other people’s jobs will allow you to assist them more effectively. For example: if you’re a secretary, and you need to generally support office staff; knowing how other people’s jobs work will help you prioritize when to complete each task.  When you understand the business you’re a part of; you can make suggestions and help to improve the system. This both serves to make everyone around you’s life easier And makes you an asset to your work environment.

13. Time Management

Time management is paramount to the success of every single assistant or customer service representative.  There is only so much time in one day or one shift. As an adult, whether you’re someone’s assistant, a waitress, a salesman, or a secretary: you’re going to spend a lot of your time at work; alone and in charge of how you’re spending that time. Planning out your day, and knowing how long tasks typically take, will help you do the best job you can do.

In the service industry: entry-level sales positions, and wait staff are usually responsible for most of the cleaning, and general building maintenance.  To keep the entire staff from having to stay late to finish tasks assigned earlier: a lot of things are left undone so that everyone can get out on time.  One needs excellent time management skills to schedule your time in a way that allows for every task to be completed. If it’s a busy day, you can multitask on simple projects.  For instance, if you’re on hold trying to make an appointment, get some filing done, just be prepared when whoever you’re calling picks up. If you do not manage your time well: your fellow staff members and supervisors will have to work overtime to cover what you’re not doing, or the cleanliness and (actually very important) side work is neglected.  

When planning out how to manage your time on a given day: you should keep a few important tips in mind.  Nothing is going to take the exact amount of time expected.  From day to day, any task can vary in the time it consumes.  People can eat for hours; and clients can call into your office, seemingly, just to talk your ear off; printers jam; etc. your schedule always needs to be adaptable and organized. Give yourself deadlines, tell yourself that you need to have a certain portion of the work done by a certain time. Try to overestimate how long something will take; it’s tempting to estimate how long something will take based on the quickest you’ve ever completed the task. This is a trap, don’t fall in

Little disasters happen all day long, you need to work time into your schedule to fix those disasters.  Adaptability, in conjunction with effective time management, will be the keys to dealing with issues throughout the workday.  Overestimate slightly, how long each task is going to take you, there will always be something that goes wrong in your day.  But the tasks you finish early will wind up giving you extra time to fix those disasters, or this time can be used to go the extra mile, and show you actually care. It will give you the opportunity to get extra tasks done that you normally can’t get to.

14. Make Yourself Indispensable

Make yourself as much an asset as possible to the workplace, there is nothing that makes one shine in customer service, like being indispensable; find something no one else is taking care of regularly, and take care of that task -- it can be a cleaning task, or proofreading all the paperwork before it’s submitted-- whatever isn’t getting done, just do it.  

15. This is A lot, Why Bother?

In the end, what makes a successful assistant, or customer service representative are: the soft skills that we all possess but few bother to try and master.  Being able to communicate effectively is the key to any good representative.  Strong empathy for, and understanding of: the people you deal with is paramount to that communication.  Going the extra mile every time you’re able is what makes the difference, you can’t just do extra things for people who are nice to you. A strong work ethic will push you to do things like: learning every aspect of the business you're in, and that will grow your understanding of how to best perform your job.  If you put in the effort to manage your time properly: you can save yourself time, and avoid the consequences of a lack of time management skills.

A career working with people is one of the most rewarding a person can experience. You can be working the call center for a fast food company, and still somehow manage to make someone’s week. Some of the best leaders in the world have made a point to practice empathy, understanding, work ethic and time management.  When those people were reflecting on their lives; many of them were more proud of the issues they solved with empathy and understanding; than the fights they won being belligerent, or even violent. These soft skills will help you understand people better and many report that practicing them actually improves their lives outside of work.

[nobodyfamousposts]

I loved the post you did about Alya's parents getting involved in the Lila affair! Could you do something else about it? Whatever is! A continuation, headcanons, a similar story with the parents of another classmate, etc.

Think of it like a toxic friendship. Sure, we’ve seen Chloe and Sabrine with their toxic friendship, but that’s not the only variation out there and others warrant being explored.

Imagine this whole thing with Lila being a hurdle in Alya’s character arc rather than simply a rival in Marinette’s.

Consider if Lila is the sort of person who focuses in more on select individuals rather than big groups, as it means less people who can potentially catch her. After all, you can fool some people all of the time or all people some of the time—she goes for the former. And she picks and chooses her specific targets, which tend to be those who can offer the most use to her.

Adrien? Yeah, he’s on the list. He’s a famous model. He’s pretty. He’s rich. And he’s no doubt got connections. He’s definitely a keeper.

Chloe? She’s the daughter of the mayor who also happens to run the best hotel in Paris. She’s also rich and has connections. Plus, there’s the benefit of her having a massive ego. As long as Lila plays to it, she can be the one using Chloe while letting Chloe think she’s the one in control.

Alya? She runs the Ladyblog and is up front and center in a multitude of akuma fights. She has connections to Ladybug, has a budding career as a journalist, and was notably the closest to discovering Ladybug’s true identity. As someone who rather hates Ladybug, THIS would definitely be something Lila would want to use.

Marinette would be one as well if she wasn’t already on to Lila from the start. A pity, since Marinette is the Class Rep, has connections to Jagged Stone and other celebrities, is noted for her winning a design competition and her hat being worn by Adrien. She has skill and talent—and unfortunately, a good eye for people just as much as her designs. Lila is put out by the loss, but she has others she can use.

Adrien and Chloe are both high profile figures in the public eye who are generally used to people trying to use them. Lila’s attempts with them aren’t quite so easy since they have more knowledge and protection. Alya, however, does not. She’s still rash and prone to jumping to conclusions. She also makes very easy mistakes that could be avoided if she double checked her facts (the “Chloe is Ladybug” claim in particular stands out). Lila could just portray herself as a hero/Ladybug fan to get in with Alya and she would believe Lila is an asset to her cause rather than a traitor riding on her back.

So we have Lila cozying up to Alya and using her in ways that Marinette is going to hate—not simply because Lila is a lying liar who lies, but because she is an active THREAT to people Marinette cares about. This relationship would start to have a negative impact on Alya, her ability to do things, and her relationships with others in turn.

The thing is, it wouldn’t be just Marinette that Lila’s toxicity would affect. Sure, the show did it that way and we as the fans responded similarly, but it would hardly be that neat. A toxic relationship like this thrives on drama and conflict. Has anyone ever seen or heard about the Karpman Drama Triangle? The three sides are Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor. Generally, it’s supposed to be the sides of a conflict, but in this case, Lila plays all three roles in SPADES.

So she regularly instigates conflict and then passes herself off as the “real victim”. It’s something we commonly see in salt pics where she makes some false claim about Marinette bullying her. She plays herself off as helpless and takes the Victim role to make others sympathize with her. But there are the other aspects, where she accuses Marinette of talking badly behind other people’s backs and plotting things, how she tried to “stand up to her” to solidify herself as the “good guy”. And if anyone attempts to mediate or rationalize, she jumps on them and makes accusations to immediately get them on the defensive so they’ll back down to try to console her.

Lila knows how to play this game. She’s done it plenty of times before.

But here’s the scary thing: Marinette wouldn’t be the sole target. She’d just be the FIRST one.

It’s easy to single out Marinette first to everyone. She’s the only one vocal in her disapproval of Lila and her claims. The class would have to be blind not to notice the animosity between them (or rather more blind than they already are to believe Lila’s lies in the first place). So even if they aren’t sure which of the two is the real source of the problem, they know that having Lila and Marinette together is grounds for trouble.

Some of the class would believe Lila. She’s awesome and promises them things. Why would she lie?

Some would believe Marinette. She’s been nothing but kind and helpful to everyone before any of this started. Why the sudden issue only when Lila comes along?

Lila would hone in on her specific targets during this time. She’d want to rope in everyone she can, but she has those key people she focuses on. Adrien, Chloe, and especially Alya. Secondary to Alya, she needs to have Nino on her side as well since he’s her boyfriend and could end up convincing Alya against Lila.

Adrien knows she’s a liar but is at least quiet and open to her manipulations. Chloe doesn’t trust her, but will at least let her be a hanger-on. It’s Alya that Lila is putting the most effort into ensuring at this point, and everyone else is secondary.

Marinette is Alya’s best friend and a major obstacle in this plan. So Lila slowly poisons Alya’s perception of her. Pointing out Marinette’s flaws. How flakey she is. How clumsy she is. How unreliable she’s been. Slowly but surely pointing out more and more negative traits about the girl. Until eventually, Alya is defending her less and agreeing with Lila more. That’s when Lila starts in on the “mean Marinette bullying me” angle. And Alya is at a point where she would believe it.

So their friendship is tarnished. As a result, the relationships between the other girls are more strained as well since some of them would still want to be friends with Marinette. Lila would either try to ensnare them as well or turn those she already has on her side against them. Dissent is not permissible, after all. And Lila either lies more about Marinette or acts wounded and victimized that they’re not supporting her. She attempts to force them to pick a “side”.

The results would vary.

Given her attitude in canon, Mylene would side firmly with Lila. Alix would be more trusting of Marinette and get tired of the antics and drama soon enough. Rose would try to stay friends with everyone while Juleka would stay silent and stick with Rose, which would put both girls in a difficult position as they would be frequent targets of accusations until eventually they have enough as well. 

And as soon as anyone else breaks ranks, Lila turns on them just as easily. Sometimes even if they don’t. They would end up being turned on each other as much as against Marinette or anyone Lila deems an “enemy” at the time to keep herself the center of attention. Sob stories and accusations galore. In that case, some of them would be aware of what she’s doing but too fearful to actually try to leave out of fear of what she may do.

In the meantime, while having the majority of the group backing her, Lila would continue to take advantage of their bleeding hearts and push to have them do as much for her as she can get away with much like she did in Chameleon. Whether having them do menial tasks or acting as “go-fers” for her. Among other things. Like trying to get Nathaniel and Marc to make a comic about her. Free music from Nino. Increased interactions with Adrien. And in particular, free access to the Ladyblog and any inside info from Alya.

In the midst of all this, what Alya thinks is happening is that she’s protecting a new friend from an old one that went bad and giving support to someone who needs it. To an outside observer, Lila is a negative influence who is using Alya for whatever she can get from her and poisoning Alya’s relationships with other people. This wouldn’t just be Marinette, but also her other classmates, her family, and even Ladybug. Because she’s Ladybug’s number 1 fan. She’s devoted so much time to her. Doesn’t she deserve more? Doesn’t Ladybug owe her the truth? It’s that building up of Alya’s ego while at the same time increasing her dependency on Lila.

After a while, she may try to interfere with Alya’s relationship with Nino. What if she was the one nudging them to focus on their dates more than their babysitting responsibilities and other chores in the home? And when their families start to take issue, Lila can play it off two ways—both that the family doesn’t understand and that Alya’s time with Nino is a distraction.

Thus a slow but eventual breakup occurs. Nino is left unaware as to what caused it.

And since Alya has all this free time now, she can spend a bit more time supporting Lila. Taking on more burdens and work to help her. But Alya wouldn’t realize that she’s also taking on more stress as well. Because most people don’t realize that there is a level of constant stress of being around someone like that so much. It’s like boiling lobsters—because the stress and tension is such a slow buildup, most people don’t realize just how much of it there is until it either blows up or they get away from it. And even if they do realize it’s there, that’s not to say they’d know where it came from or why.

With Lila pulling her strings, Alya would attribute it to Marinette. Or to her sisters. Or to Nino. Or to anything and anyone else other than the one person actually responsible.

This would be what her parents are seeing. Stress has a physical affect on a person just as much as it has an emotional one. They’re seeing that Alya is snapping at her sisters, becoming more withdrawn and isolative, and not attending to her chores or homework. But they’re also seeing she’s not getting as much sleep, has no energy, is “never hungry, and can’t seem to focus.

To be fair, the secret identity of Rena Rouge wouldn’t help matters, but with Alya’s issues and worsening temperament, it stands to reason that Ladybug would avoid bringing her out if at all possible, which would just add to Alya’s frustration and stress.

When a manipulator of that level is whispering in your ear, the actions of everyone can look like a betrayal. Either they’re turning their backs on you when they’re trying to stay away from what they’re seeing as a negative relationship, or they’re doubting you when they’re confronting you on how unhealthy the situation has been and telling you that you need help. Anything done out of genuine concern looks warped through that lens.

Fortunately, her parents have enough and draw the line before it gets that far. They never liked Lila. They didn’t like her lies. They didn’t like her false sweetness. And they certainly didn’t like the effect she has having on their daughter.

That’s why they have that sit down talk with Alya and confront her. Because yes, they’re being nosy and interfering with their child’s friendships, but when it’s having a negative impact on their child, of course they have to respond.

And Alya would see it from the perspective of a wronged teenager. The way that Lila has shaped the lens for her to see it through—that everyone is against her. That her parents are trying to control her. That nobody trusts her—not like LILA does.

The fact that Alya doesn’t become an akuma with this mindset is a surprise, even to herself later on. But in an attempt to prove their point, her parents make a deal with her that they will lessen the grounding if she can show them proof—clear undeniable proof of Lila’s claims. They fully agree to admit they were wrong if she can, with the bargain being that she will not have any contact with Lila whatsoever if she can’t—which to be fair, she probably wouldn’t want to anyway. She agrees. So they let her use her computer to attempt to look up any information backing Lila’s stories and give her an hour or two to search.

Alya finds nothing.

It…kind of ends up hitting her pretty hard. She refuses to believe it at first, and attempts to make excuses. But her parents are patient and part of the point of this period of being grounded is to give her the chance to process.

And while she may be grounded, that’s not to say her parents don’t help. They support her. They let her take as long as she needs to accept the realization and come to terms. They give her space to cry and rage once the truth sinks in and she finally understands just how much she was manipulated.

Once the worst of the emotional upheaval is over and Alya refigures her priorities, they let her have use of her phone back to call Marinette and Nino to apologize.

[hcllenic]

(DOUGLAS BOOTH, CIS MALE) - Have you seen APOLLO DEMETRIUS BLACKTHORN?  APOLLO is in HIS SENIOR year. The HISTORY MAJOR is 23 years old & is  a SCORPIO. People say HE is CREATIVE, INDEPENDENT, CALLOUS and CYNICAL.  Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog  that HE IS NOT HIS FATHER’S BIOLOGICAL SON.

content warnings for death, drug use ?? i think thats it

he’s cupid’s brother

from a very wealthy family that rose to prominence around 1921, taking power in a variety of places. kind of like the kennedys. likely cursed. apollo claims he doesn’t believe in said curse, but the truth is more that he doesn’t want to believe in the curse.

moves from highs to lows really quickly – one week he’s extremely extroverted and ready to fight god and the next he’s alone in his dorm ignoring a paper in the name of wondering if he actually has an identity beneath the one that seems to just have been formed to get his family’s attention / approval / warmth

is honestly very defensive – i don’t mean in arguments, but rather when it comes to relationships. he’s the first one to cut and run because he tends to anticipate the fall before it happens. he tells himself he doesn’t care about his siblings because he’s honestly convinced they would sell his soul to satan for one corn chip.

nothing is eternal and he really knows this – he’s constantly waiting for death to come ‘round the corner. or something else, equally dramatic.

bit of a morbid sense of humour that not everyone appreciates.

almost has this idea that the rest of his siblings are gonna have to die if he wants to end up happy and successful which he KNOWS is absolutely wrong and not productive at all but like.... that shitty luck <3

grew up, for the most part, at his parent’s estate in romania but he really liked to travel and would do so often, after he turned sixteen

he thought he’d found a loophole around the curse / bad luck / whatever u wanna call it by simply not dating but this girl he was like FULLY in love w died in a hunting accident when he was fourteen over summer break (they’d met at boarding school) and he was like. hm. fuck. could be unrelated but.... hm.

so now if he has feelings for someone he just panics. he figured out he was bi and doesn’t really have that much internalized homophobia but he DOES have internalized cursephobia. if he thinks he’s into someone regardless of their gender he’ll ghost them or start a fight w them intentionally or start deliberately trying to notice their flaws

found out he wasn’t his father’s son bc he found a letter his mom wrote to his actual father which was never sent

he burned the letter because, at the time, he was terrified of anyone else finding out. he’s pretty sure it was the only evidence.

SUCH a hedonist. he will do whatever he thinks is the most entertaining until a deadline shows up at which point it’s time for apollo to take a ridiculous amount of adderall and finish a ten page paper in three hours. they’re often riddled with spelling mistakes but they have made some good points. he HATES making up his works cited tho its like pulling teeth w him

relatively responsible driver by day but smth about the night makes him REALLY wanna speed. prone to road... exasperation?? its not rage idk

he has like... contained anger issues like he’s never directed them at anyone he just wanders off to have a fit and then returns. hnstly pretty sure he works out to let off that steam

he’s kind of intelligent but he’s also such a fucking idiot. he had no idea how to cook / do laundry / do ANY of that at all until he was alone at university and, after a week of literally just buying new clothes instead of washing the ones he owned, finally googled how to use a washing machine

absolutely not a monogamist and you should not trust him <3 that said i feel like he’s not secretive about that one particular aspect of his personality like he’ll let people know that if they want a relationship he’s not the person to be approaching which tbqh is probably there to mask how deeply he actually would love to be in a fully monogamous and faithful relationship lol he’s a secret romantic just like... doesn’t wanna get hurt. and he CLAIMS he doesn’t believe in the family curse but that’s kind of bullshit. he does. a potential simp pretending he does not have the capacity to simp

can be awful at taking advice. he’ll listen to it and understand it but he’ll disregard it anyway

very bad at being optimistic. he does feel a bit cursed, again, even if he claims he doesn’t believe in said curse. the blackthorn bad luck always feels like its nipping at his heels.

he can be sooooo dramatic. he’s obnoxious <3

but he’s also like..... relatively independent? he doesn’t like asking for help and he feels like leaning on people too heavily is a shortcoming on his part so he just. will not.

really good at group projects like for some reason he feels too guilty about not actually giving them his all and will actually put effort in whereas when it comes to his own individual projects he’ll just say fuck it (unless he’s genuinely interested)

studying history w an economics minor because he figured he should go for something more or less related to capitalism to soften the blow of running to academia

a bit sensitive about the fact that he’s not actually related to his father by blood. it makes him think about all the conflicts he’d ever had with his father post finding out about his real parentage and like... when he thinks about all of that i think he realizes that his family’s love may very well be entirely conditional and he’s afraid of that. which might be why it almost seems, smtms, like he is actively trying to push them away because he thinks if he leaves first its Fine :)

rlly likes creative ventures he just LOVES working w his hands its so soothing to him. will often be in the pottery studio after dark. he can play piano

wanted connections:

close friends (or as close as he can get) – he seems a little detached and there are def moments where he just vanishes without a trace for a week but they seem to be okay with this and he loves them for it. never feels suffocated by them at all. is occasionally afraid his luck will negatively impact them but so far, so good.

they hooked up a few times then he ghosted them and now its AWKWARD

enemies. please !!!! its unrealistic that he wld be able to exist without ppl hating him

and maybe enemies to friends / enemies to lovers tropes can happen like... i love that.

they’ve known each other for a long time and neither of them trust the other but they have spent many nights together and would probably call each other friends if asked.

they’re similarly chaotic / detached / miserable and sometimes they lean heavily on each other because they don’t really have anyone else who gets it.

they committed a crime together once

they’re attracted to each other but he goes out of his way to avoid them bc he’s like . that seems like the WORST idea. it rlly seems like he actively hates them

classmates

and they were roommates (oh my god they were roommates)

someone he literally just argues with all the time. like thats the whole relationship

someone as obsessive as him who is willing to accompany him down history or science or whatever related rabbit holes and procrastinate with him. he wld die for them <3