#it's gonna be okay ive survived everything so far

[moldyorange]

this month has been really rough for me and a lot is changing in my life!! I know things will be okay but I'm at a point where things are different and scary and I'm very unsure but I have to keep telling myself the trouble is worth it. I feel like I'm going insane but I have to keep going even though I wanna give up so bad. I have to complete a challenge in order to be a certified photographer (setting up equipment and shit) and I'm nervous bc I'm slow and I don't fully understand things so idk what questions to ask!! all I ask is that u wish me luck bc I'm trying to figure it out!! my cat got attacked by an animal and lost his tail so can u pls wish him a speedy recovery!!

[cal-writes]

Do you have any headcannon/interpretations of zoro and mihawks relationship? Most fic and stuff I’ve seen have him as a sort of aloof but caring father. Canon hasn’t really given us much to go off but so far as we know Zoro’s dream in life is still to kill and/or maim him so idk.

ohh i do! (some of the nsfw)

i dont think zoro necessarily wants to kill him, he wants to beat him but that doesnt necessitate killing people. zoro actually rarely kills his opponents that we know of (but then in generall one piece doesnt have a lot of on screen character death i think one of the only few confirmed kills by the straw hats is arlong) like hachi survived, mr one survived, wyper survived, kaku, hody, monet, pika, king all survived their match with zoro. i think at this point the only confirmed kill is the former mr seven prior to canon.

honestly kind of funny to think about zoro having such a ruthless reputation and then we know he killed like, one guy lol (it was probably more and he doesnt seem to have objections to killing in general unless its women and children but you get my point)

so i think to zoro the goal is beating mihawk in an honorable battle to fullfill his promise to kuina.

mihawk i think is bored as all hell. like he's the greatest swords man, he has his own island, he's a warlord so not even the marines touch him (pr time skip) there is no challenge to him, barely anyone even dares to until zoro and even if their fight is ridiculously one sided zoro's tenacity impresses him

like its fucking lonely and boring at the top or how that saying goes. mihawk and zoro are both very alike in sentiment and their sense of honor, standard swordsman stuff. so i think mihawk was pretty happy to find an equal in that regard already even if zoro couldnt beat him yet. he's investing in zoros future and his own in a way

like zoro dropped on his island out of thin air, injured and close to death and he took him in

mihawk giving his energy, tried to help him and seeing “oh okay you just gonna get yourself killed”.

when zoro comes back to ask for his teaching

he has high expectations for zoro and demands him to meet them (similarly to how zoro holds the crew to his own high standards) so i can see the where the stern parent angle comes from

but mihawk also has the experience to read zoro really well. i think before this point he thought zoro was doing it largely for himself, his own ambition. but here with their second meeting "its always for the sake of another". in their first fight zoro said he needs to beat mihawk because of "a promise to a friend" and here zoro does everything to get back to his crew.

i find it noteworthy that mihawk insists zoro recover before they start training, probably knowing full well zoro wouldn't allow himself on his own accord. makes me think of the whole "help yourself before you help others" something mihawk knows but zoro still struggles with.

we dont know too much about mihawk, why his running around alone without a crew or how he got to be so strong but again to me he reads as very lonely due to his powress and he kind of wants zoro to defeat him. not just bc for both of them it would be a good fight but also bc then he could "retire" so to speak.

ive mentioned it before but i dont think zoro will know what to do with himself once he beat mihawk and at this point on canon its definitely taken second place to seeing luffy become pirate king so it can go a few ways. i can almost see them not having a direct battle but maybe mihawk falling to an elder and zoro then beating that elder but we’ll see

it would be interesting to see how thatll go down

i think its more a mentor then a parent dynamic, like a grumpy ass professor that wants you to succeed.

in terms of nsfw thoughts i can only add ten images on mobile so thatll come in the reblog lol

[1moreff-creator]

Happy Birthday Arei Naegishi!

I am so bad at remembering birthdays I almost missed this one. But it's still the third in my time zone, so I'm still gonna do it! Arei's our birthday girl, and the best character ever (<- her opinion) gets a birthday post too! Spoilers below the cut as always.

-Arei's backstory was revealed in CH 2 EP 5. She was bullied heavily by her sisters, Fuyuko and Natsuko, and we see an example of them doing so by forcefully cutting part of the right side of her hair. You can even see, to this day, she seems to have more hair on her left than on her right. She also mentions "If [she] had to go to the hospital once or twice, then it was nothing more than a minor inconvenience for [her sisters]." Which, uh, huh. That's... quite awful. The point is that Arei hated her life back then, and rightfully hated her sisters as well.

-Despite that, it seems Arei tried to be kind for the longest time. She's far from an innately cruel person, but eventually, she felt the only way out was turning the table on her sisters and starting to bully them. Her secret is "Blackmailing, rumors, lying, stealing, slander. You did everything you could to ruin your sisters' lives" and she confessed that she framed them for everything she could to get them unlawfully sent to reform school. This included planting things in their bags and lying to authorities, as well as driving her mother's car into a ditch and blaming it on her sister drunk driving. Okay so bullying is maybe an understatement but the idea stands.

-And it worked! She managed to get them sent to reform school, and her life improved drastically. Morally dubious queen shit, etc. However, this made her develop a harmful ideology that being kind is a weakness and will get you treated badly. Which is why she acts unnecesarily mean during the killing game.

-However, deep down, Arei is still nice. She doesn't really like doing the things she does, she just feels they're necessary for her to survive. Even right before her secret reveal, she was trying to justify her actions to herself, saying it's normal for people to be like her:

Arei (laughing nervously): You [David] do want to hear my secret after all. As I guessed, everyone has that burning curiosity inside of them to hear bad things about other people. It's not just me.

-Which is why Eden's existence led her to a breakdown. Because Eden is nice and kind and is exactly the type of person Arei thinks would be destroyed in """the real world.""" And yet, Eden keeps going, she's still nice. Eden is what Arei wishes she could have been, she sees her past Arei in current Eden. Which is why she bullied her originally; to "teach her how the world works." Because Arei doesn't want to do real harm, so it's better if she does it than someone else later down the line.

-That doesn't go well. She breaks down in front of David, who comforts her quite successfully... so much so that she seems to forget she wanted to talk to David about his secret oops.

-This is what leads to her apologizing to Eden and promising to be her friend and a better person... and then she died. Well, under the most common interpretation.

-Her birthday lands on November 3rd, just three days after Ace's. This coincides with:

+Fountain Pen Day (Min reference?)

+National Sandwich Day.

+National Homemaker Day.

+Jellyfish Day. (?)

+Give Someone a Dollar Day (??)

+Love Your Lawyer Day (???????)

Among other things. I still have no idea where these come from.

-The roman numeral assigned to her in the LGI MV is IV (4), a number associated with death because yeeeeaaaah... This is: "right now, why do you cry?"

Ignoring the intentional mistranslation, this is probably just referencing Arei's breakdown in the playground.

-Color Theory (I'm sorry but I'm done linking that post) assigns her... well, I believe dark blue, so I'm going with that. This is cry, big and the Mandarin laugh (哈哈哈) in the rain scene.

(The good thing about having done this fucking video is that I have all the damn screenshots you could ever ask for in relation to it)

"Cry" for the same reasoning as her numeral. "Big" in this context is "proud", which fits. And the laugh is long to explain, but basically it's the "applause crew" (Cheery David, Xander, Hu, Arei) overwhelming David. Watch that part of the video for a better explanation.

-Arei had an FTE with J, which she starts off by tickling her, later claiming she would, uhm.

Arei: I'll tie you down and force you to wear maid dresses and bunny suits until you change your mind! [About acting girly]

Arei what. This screenshot feels like it should be fake what do you mean it's canon. It's great, don't get me wrong, it just feels extremely outta pocket. Listen, I (aro/ace) don't feel qualified to unpack whatever the fuck is going on here, I'm just gonna leave this to the shippers.

-What I will unpack is the other stuff in the FTE related to Arei. Which is-

Arei: C'mere! I'll tickle you until you laugh so hard that your heart stops! Then I'll defibrillate you and tickle you some more! Tickle tickle tickle!

I said the OTHER stuff

-Mainly, that she feels like being the favorite child would be great (you can figure out why yourself I imagine), and she likes acting girly.

-We also learn she categorizes people based on how she likes to bully them. "Cool and suave wannabe boys" like J (as in, she acts like a boy who tries and fails to be cool and suave), "spineless pushovers" like Levi (she "uses as maids"), "adorably sweet people" like Eden (she """likes""" to make them cry), and the people who don't like her, which would presumably include her sisters, as she says she likes to destroy these people's lives. Foreshadowing!

Fun facts!

-She likes gossip and dislikes being ignored.

-Her subtitle quote in the cast page is "If I tell you a secret, will you promise to keep it?" Which is insane foreshadowing given the chapter she (allegedly) died in.

-Her secret quote is "Because that’s what friends do", which she said to Eden in the trial flashback. The quote associated to her in Mai's page is "She doesn’t like it when her friends fight." Friendship is evidently something of a running theme.

-She likes "cute" food (?), her favorite color is azure (because she's blue), her favorite ice cream flavor is birthday cake flavor (oh, fitting!). Her least favorite color is green because it "looks like puke", which... I wonder if it has something to do with being bullied by her sisters given the apparent hospital visits.

-Her name in Kanji is written 投石【なげ ・ いし】亜鈴【あ ・ れい】. Cool! Don't know what any of that means.

-Like most of the cast, her hair color is natural and she's American.

-She's ambidextrous! The only ambidextrous person in the cast, in fact, and the only one apart from Teruko to not be a righty.

Finally songs!

+Candle Queen by Ghost & Pals (literally her song, don't @ me)

+Those Who Carried On by Ghost & Pals (it's sorta a similar attitude to how she felt about Eden, do you see my vision?)

+SCAPEG∞AT by Ghost & Pals (I will make you all listen to Ghost & Pals!)

+Perfectly Sweet by Vane Lily

+Karma by CreepP

+Bad B!tch Magic by HalaCG + others

+i DO what i WANT by KIRA

+Aishite by Kikuo

+It's Not My Fault by DECO*27 (listen Milgram had to bleed into these eventually)

+Teen Idle by Marina and the Diamonds (again I think it works)

+Pyrite Girl by RIProducer / RIP (I think it works kinda at least)

And Happy Birthday! Hope you enjoy some birthday cake ice cream, girl! Go do it!

[rivalmelty]

one (1) person asked (@saltasaurus-loricatus) so i’m gonna ramble about my ranpo and fyodor narrative foils brainworms

possible spoiler warning under the cut

you’ll have to forgive the jumbled nature of my thoughts and if i forget anything bc i don’t have the manga/light novels/anime pulled up right this second to double check specifics these are more broad thoughts that ive been reiterating to friends over the years

okay so it’s not a detail in ln3 that’s explicitly stated but in the anime adaptation of untold origins, V is something to do with one fyodor dostoevsky and the way its place timeline wise the story of the play is a hell of a lot more in line with fyodor’s whole methodology even going as far as to “kidnap” (in quotations bc ranpo planned for it) ranpo simply because he was loudly parading around his own ability

now asagiri probably set this up as a way to show how the agency and fyodor have been both intertwined and diametrically opposed to each other since the beginning but To Me with the nature of the agency hinging on ranpo almost exclusively (you need a detective to have a detective agency) i took the first sentence of this paragraph and swapped out ‘the agency’ for ‘ranpo’

there’s also these four seconds in the s5 anime opening and when i tell you the psychological damage i took seeing fyodor and ranpo in the rainstorm while dazai was in the light i have a whole powerpoint presentation of the symbolisms and understanding of just these four seconds istg it has to mean something or anything especially when we know asagiri is at least somewhat involved in the anime scripts but i digress ill just say that fyodor facing the storm with his back to the audience vs ranpo facing the audience with his back to the storm is once again showing just how similar they are as characters even as opposing figureheads of their own organizations (fighting back the worms in my brain that want me to only talk about the significance of four seconds)

we know fyodor main motivation in bsd that being to eliminate ability users as they are a sin on mankind or whatever this is my main talking point with these two bc there’s only been two instances (i think) where fyodor and ranpo are within the same vicinity: the end of untold origins and right before the creation of amenogozen godman (which there is also a whole tangent for my. hm. como se dice frustration around that which might or might not end up in here idk) only two despite how ranpo aligns perfectly in fyodor’s motivations let me elaborate

in untold origins we know that V has a thing against ability users it falls in line with fyodor’s ideals still he watches ranpo (now idk if fyodor is aware this early on that ranpo doesn’t have an ability but we know dazai mentions it in prison that ranpo surpasses even ability users implying his lack of one) bc at this point we as an audience know ranpo isn’t gifted and if fyodor is successful, he would be the only main member of the ada to survive the wiping out of all ability users and even then ranpo could continue natsume’s wishes in retrieving the book and fixing everything single-handedly since we know ranpo would go to any lengths for his family (this would be where i would tangent again and yap about demon ranpo to my friends)

last year i said to my friend “if asagiri reveals that fyodor’s motives all stem from ranpo because if he wants a world without abilities and ranpo is like some all perfect man without an ability as god intended or something like that then like ranpo is proof that the world would be better without abilities thus resulting in the beginning of v into the doa i will explode” now i no longer think that his whole way of thinking stems from ranpo since now we know his ability however i would not be surprised if the creation of the doa was because of ranpo and fukuzawa since i dont think we ever got a why as to their origins and bc of fukuchi’s involvement a sort of tether to the agency and by extension ranpo

here’s another quote i’ve said to my friend about ranpo fyodor “the other man (ranpo) who is greatness personified and without an ability as [fyodor] so desires, surrounds himself with ability users and would risk anything for their safety ‘ranpo is everything the world could be’” and yet ranpo runs head first into a tripolar singularity to save the one man who he trusts wholeheartedly even if that man has placed his trust in the wrong hands leaving ranpo to have to pick up the pieces. ranpo still runs towards fukuzawa as a man without an ability as a kid with only one person to look out for him ranpo still runs even if he won’t survive to see an after and that’s where we are today

ranpo and fyodor being narrative foils yet ranpo has all but disappeared from the airport from fyodor’s line of sight from the narrative and i don’t understand but for the sake of holding myself off from yet another tangent i’ll leave it at that

sorry if that’s all over the place and incoherent i’m just not normal about them and the possibilities and everything that there is and that there is not i just find them so interesting and unexpected as foils considering their irl works but also i can’t really read irl dostoevsky i just didn’t click with it but im gonna be done with this if yall want to talk more about this please i would love to i love talking bsd theory sm

[rathayibacter]

as a TTRPG designer, how would you approach blackjack / a risk reward type mechanic (I am going to steal)

oh hell yea i genuinely love folks doin stuff like this, ideas are meant to be taken and ran with

and youre in luck cuz ive talked about this before w friends! i think push your luck mechanics fuckin rule in ttrpgs. something i think about a lot is how most dice-based ttrpgs have an actually pretty shallow skill ceiling. like, there's skill involved in making your build, and using your resources at the right time, but once you have your build and know how to spend resources a lot of the actual mechanical fabric of play is just rolling a die with as many modifiers on it as possible and hoping it passes the GM's threshold. there's not a lot of ownership over winning, and not a lot of regret in losing. so yea i think Blackjack's a real promising approach!

so lets talk about the actual meat and potatoes. what's Blackjack bringing to your game, what're the costs, and what's the design space?

Blackjack's letting you turn every roll into a meaningful gamble, where the players can decide how far they want to go and how much they want to risk to accomplish their goals. already that sets a kind of tone for the game, where PCs aren't really noble heroes (or, at the very least, they're noble heroes in a world that makes no effort to coddle them). failure is always a possibility, and disaster is always your fault.

in terms of costs, there's one real big one right off the bat: playing a minigame takes time and mental effort. this is the primary advantage of dice, you barely have to stop to roll a die and see if it was good or not. if you're playing Blackjack every time you do something, you're gonna get very little done. so you're gonna wanna make every game really count! the Blackjack only comes out when the stakes are big. Viditya Voleti describes a fun dice mechanic here where multiple actions from different players can be resolved with one check, and that's another way you could handle something like this.

so okay here's the fun part: design space. here's a first pass at a Blackjack ttrpg mechanic.

whenever you're in a tense situation with everything on the line, play a game of Blackjack. players may bet any amount of Strength, Stakes, and Survival, though some games may have minimum bets established by the dealer. the dealer chooses their face-up card from a hand of three, then deals their face-down card from the deck. when the round is over, the dealer pays out all bets, then describes how the gamestate has changed. if a player went bust, they fail catastrophically. their hubris comes crashing down on them. if a player lost to the dealer, they fail, but they're not out. they can push their luck and try again. if a player tied or beat the dealer, things go well for them. they pushed ahead, got what they wanted, and can try again for double or nothing. if a player got a Blackjack, they succeeded beyond their wildest expectations, double their winnings, and get full narrative control. Strength can be spent to buy new skills and abilities, to gain an edge in future games. Stakes can be spent to buy narrative beats, and many obstacles require payment before a certain number of games elapse. Survival is spent to mitigate the costs of failure and ensure your character doesn't meet an untimely end.

something i really like here is how the dealer gets some control over the difficulty of the check. once the game starts, they're still essentially automated, but they can choose to make a particular game easier or harder on the players. the three currencies also give some texture to each bet, and the GM can play this up by requiring certain minumum bets. a game against a brutal killer might cost 3 Survival upfront, so if you lose you're in a precarious place but if you win you'll be (temporarily) untouchable. it could also allow for a game world where multiple Blackjack games are present at a single time, offering different buyins and payouts to the players. they might be investigating a murder in a small town, and each suspect is represented by a potential Blackjack match. the antagonist of a long campaign might be available from the very start, sitting smugly behind an impossible game of incredible stakes, waiting for the players to build up the courage to take them down.

anyway, those are just a few thoughts on this! lmao

[iimr3]

okay. so. finale review

where do i even begin im still in emotional shock

okay the entire setup for the episode is so fucking cute. the little rock, bones, and leaves stage!! the fact that he's doing a history show for his parents!!

i am still in love w the fact that even with the INSANE plot going on, i still learned about history! and it was fun!

also garrett & joyce sounded like there were having a BLAST playing the dinos.

daddy dino my polyamorous bi king!!!!

oh my god the way that the family was just so loving. his mom & dad constantly reaffirming their love for their professor son and encouraging his incomprehensible (to them) jokes. gah

god that extinction even fucking sucked huh.

i fucking KNEW shane was gonna find a way to make this finale heartwrenchingly genuine. fuck you fuck you fuck you (affectionate)

the song basically tore through my chest cavity and vaporized my heart.

ALSO. i realized that while we think of the asteroid impact as destroying the earth, ive never thought about how it destroyed the asteroid?? and the fact that the song had parts from the asteroid's perspective

and god the fucking clips of the earth when it said its a good place to stop. god. what the fuck

RYAN BERAGA HOLY HELL TEAR HIS HOLOGRAPHIC ASS APART

obsessed w ryans acting. i just love watching him do anything but hes just so. i love him. i love him being an action hero while fighting a holographic puppet.

him using the vape to knock him out w "DODGE THIS" hell yeah

AND BEEF BOY SAVED THE DAY SOMEHOW..... also little tiny genie shane! glad to see ya back buddy!

OH GOD THAT REUNION. it was everything i wanted the professor apologizing ryan apologizing the hug !!!! :'''')

also: im so glad the dino parents survived!!!!!!

also im loving the new slightly bigger professor puppet finally in the actual stage- which was foreshadowed last season!

EXAMPLE WINDOW: THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF SET-UP AND PAYOFF BABY

also, in a way, ryan's constant threats of violence to the professor also got fulfilled, just through a proxy

perfect beautiful amazing showstopping stunning the only question that remains unsolved really is the puppet souls (and also how the hell the professor reincarnated himself). but that is far less urgent now that weve got our goodtime boy back!!!

[opanchu]

🪷🎲🐞🪓 zhanar, 🪽🐞⚖️🪓 aya :)

zhanar:

🪷 what gives this character inner peace?

saying "being around her loved ones and seeing them safe" might be a bit corny but its true its true!!! adding on to it though theres something special to zhanar about bringing up shared memories, like just this proof of human connection is extremely precious to her and is truly an everything is gonna be okay kinda thing to her

🎲 are they lucky?

sort of? her luck is pretty decent. not terribly unlucky nor outstandingly lucky. 50/50

🐞 does this character have any notable accent or dialect? what about other languages?

even though I think about this a lot for many of my ocs i don't think about this too often for zhanar because she's largely nonverbal >_<; HOWEVER i think the rare times when she does speak she does have an accent! i imagine her being kazakh (or well. whatever the xiv equivalent is to it) so ya she has a kazakh accent

🪓 would they make it to the end in a horror movie?

absolutely yes and out of sheer spite. she will NOT fucking die until she has decided she can

–

aya:

🪽does this character believe in a higher power?

i feel like ive talked about this in relation to her before but i cant remember what exactly i said or if i even posted it 😭😭😭 so if i said smth opposite before let me retcon it. anyway to keep it short yep she does

🐞 does this character have any notable accent or dialect? what about other languages?

i just gave her the default xiv british accent when picking her voiceclaim but maaaaaan i wanna go back on it 😭😭 idk if im gonna go find another voiceclaim for her but i think an accent that would fit her is the japanese & british accent blend that noodle has in the gorillaz g shock interview in particular (she has it in general but to me it sounds most prominent in that interview) cause aya is japanese after all

⚖️ how do they seek justice?

that's an interesting question and i'm gonna have to give it a LOT more thought cause i kinda know what i wanna say but bc I havent really talked about that before itd probably come out as nonsense. but it probably has something to do with her idealistic mindset that's literally not good for anyone mixed with the fact that she genuinely has good intentions and is a kind person who wants the best for people

🪓 would they make it to the end in a horror movie?

something tells me she would either survive to the end or die last minute. probably because of an accident/suddenly being reckless ("ive made it this far so nothing bad can happen now ^_^")

[quodekash]

THE EPISODE IS OUT AND IVE NOW WATCHED IT (and it took me two hours to get through as per usual) SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

ITS TIME FOR MY COMMENTARY ON THE ENTIRE EPISODEEE (im sorry)

THEY WON HELL YES FINALLY

BUT IT WAS A DREAM

why? they like crushing our souls.

the scene of gun waking up and getting ready (having a shower, brushing his teeth) reflects the very first episode, where he had so much energy and he was preparing his speech for the juniors. And now he’s lost the biggest competition of his life so far, he’s sad, and honestly he’s lost - but not in the meaning that he didn’t win, he’s lost in the way that he doesn’t know where he is or where to go or what to do. and gmm is making me cry about the freaking passage of time which is so cliche like there are so many other things to make me cry about but instead you choose the thing that I’ve been having a mental breakdown / existential crisis over for the past three years? It feels like a personal attack tbh

THE TEACHER WAS SPEAKING IN THAI COS THEY ARE THAI PEOPLE AND THEN RANDOMLY SAID “oh man good job” IN ENGLISH AND IT WAS SO JARRING I LITERALLY FLINCHED

WIN DONT BE COLD TO YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FLIP

PORS TRYNA CHEER EVERYONE UP WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT THEM??

AND SOUND’S TRYNA GET YOU TO APOLOGISE COS YOU SAID BLOODY HURTFUL THINGS AND THEN YOU THROW YOUR ARM OUT OF HIS GRIP AND SAY “you won’t get us”, ESSENTIALLY IMPLYING THAT HE’S NOT ONE OF YOU AND HE’S NOT IMPORTANT??? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

AND SOUND DOESNT EVEN GO AFTER HIM

awhhhh poor Por alone in the music room by himself he needs a hug I would like to give him a hug please

Pat, I love you, I truly do, but shut up please. you’re gonna make Por freaking cry and that’ll make me cry and I’m already gonna cry enough from this episode

POR IS STANDING AT THE PIANO, HE SHOULD SING AND PLAY A SAD SONG BY HIMSELF TO LET HIS EMOTIONS OUT ON THE KEYS, TO FEEL HIS FEELS THROUGH MUSIC

BUT NO ALL HE DOES IS CRY

AND IT MAKES ME CRY

GOSHDARNNIT

“the doctor said I can go home next week!” “Don’t rush it mum. I can survive at home on my own. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” “I’m okay. But when will you get better?” THIS WOMAN ALWAYS SPEAKS THE TRUTH ONLY THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH AND I LOVE HER

“ever since I woke up, I’ve never seen you song. I usually had to tell you to quit singing.” “……..do you think dad would be disappointed in me?” “What about you? Were you disappointed in him for not being able to release his music? Listen. If we tried our best, there’s nothing to regret. I think your dad would think the same.” BRO HOW IS EVERYTHING SHE SAYS SO FREAKING QUOTABLE

AWW TINN SHOWING UP AT THE HOSPITAL TO VISIT GIM BUT HES JUST TOO LATE I LOVE HIM

OOOOO THEYRE GONNA DO THE PROM NIGHT PERFORMANCE THATS AWESOME

also side note prom night means dates means tinngun soundwin tiwpor I’m very excited

ITS FINALLY TIME FOR PHOTJANEES MENTAL BREAKDOWN OMG FINALLY IVE BEEN WAITING

“do you think we raised him well enough?” YES OFC YOU DID WHAT THE FLIP /gen

“What mistakes do you think we’ve made along the way?” Every parent makes mistakes, man, that’s the way of life, it’s a learning experience for everyone involved. But what’s important is making sure you show your child that you love them and support them and care for them and shESDONE THAT mostly I think. all the things she’s done that could be considered bad or negative were her trying to do what she thought would be best for tinn’s happiness and well-being, even if it didn’t go down that way. You made mistakes, yeah. That’s what makes you freaking human, photjanee.

OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAY TIWPOR PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND SOUNDWIN PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND TINNGUN PROBABLY

I was excited for this rehearsal, but win, stop it. “Just cancel this freaking band” seriously, stop. You’re being really cold right now and idk where it’s coming from but it has to stop please.

“I’m out” exCUSE ME???

THE BASS PLAYER CANT JUST QUIT

THE BASS IS THE FREAKING HEART OF THE MUSIC, THE SOUL

IF THERES BO BASS PLAYER THERES NO SOUL SO THERES NO MUSIC

okay sound is going after him it’s okay

and win was disappointed in himself so it make sense now. It’s not healthy to push your own insecurities and fears onto others to feel better, but it does explain his behaviour and hopefully he can find a better coping mechanism

EXCUSE ME WHEN THE F L I P WAS THIS ESTABLISHED??????

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW PLEASE

COULD SOMEONE PERHAPS INFORM ME OF THIS INFORMATION????

your boyfriend is being super self-hatey? Aggressively force him into a hug and let him let all his anger out while simultaneously letting him know both verbally and physically that you’re there for him and while you might not understand what he’s going through you will listen and do what you can to make him feel happy. I love these two.

its a tinngun scene next and you’ll never guess where they are

✨the freaking pool✨

AND WE GOT A SOUNDWIN SCENE, THEN A TINNGUN SCENE, THEN A TIWPOR SCENE, ALL IN QUICK SUCCESSION THIS IS AMAZING

JFJEJFHDHEHDB TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE

SIR--

AAAAAAAAAA

THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPYYYYYYY

✨oh shoot✨

por fell down the stairs and ✨broke his leg✨

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE WISH REDEEMING THING THANK GOODNESS I WAS SO FREAKING CONFUSED

HOW IS HE SO FREAKING POSITIVE ALL THE TIME????

“But Tinn has got a really nice voice, ma’am” gun you’re being real sus she’s about to figure it out

photjanee keeps getting so close to finding out about tinngun and then something interrupts it and it happens every single time

BEACH TRIP PART 2 LETS GOOO

wait a sec they did a bad buddy. They went to the beach and then they went to the beach again. And the second time was in episode 11. why has that happened twice now.

BRO HES WEARING YELLOW

WIN RESERVED A SPOT FOR SOUND AGAIN AND THIS TIME SOUND IS ACTUALLY TAKING THE SPOT I LOVE THEMMMMM

so that fight was freaking intense, they were all having a go at each other, naturally it progressed to just Soundwin yelling but then surprisingly it turned into win and gun.

I rly liked that scene tho, all of them at the height of emotions and they all give really hard but sincere and heartfelt apologies to each other. And then they have a group hug. It’s so sweet, I love all of their group dynamics so freaking much

this man is neurodivergent and I love him with all my soul

tinn’s dad doesn’t have a name. tis character is nameless. but I love him.

NATURALLY TIW HAD TO EMERGE FROM THE SHADOWS FJRJFHFH

TIWPOR ARE SO OBVIOUS

“Did I miss something?? What is happening?” Well, win, you see, you know how you and sound are in love? It’s the same situation with Tiw and por, but you numskulls have been too thick to see it somehow

TIWPOR ARE LITERALLY BOYFRIENDS I LOVE THEM

everyone just coping Soundwin left right and centre okay then

first tinngun with the medal kiss

now tiwpor with the sprinkle water

what’s next, yo and nook are gonna be tied up together? Pat and [insert imaginary character] are gonna have a lot of meaningful interactions in the bathroom?

oh also that song?? It made me cry man. I don’t care what anyone says, this show is a cinematic masterpiece.

the way they’re watching a video of them singing an encouraging song to encourage themselves?

the way they’re suddenly in the room watching??

THE WAY SOUND APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE???

THE WAY TINN APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE????

THE WAY THEIR CURRENT SELVES ARE SUDDENLY SINGING TO THEMSELVES?????????

it gave me chills and it gave me tears

I literally can’t describe how much I love this show

the only thing that could’ve made that song better is if Tiw appeared out of nowhere

i CaN wAiT uNtiL yOuRe A uNi StUdEnT dude no one cares about the rule anymore, sound literally said he and win are boyfriends (WHICH BTW W H E N WAS THAT ESTABLISHED?????) just date now

“no matter how long, I’ll always wait for you right here” okay that’s super sweet and all but literally no one cares about the stupid rule just kiss already

yeah okay that explains it. I’d noticed how the only people to say “until they’ve WON hot wave” were that guy and Tinn and Tiw, but everyone else just said until after hot wave so yeah

“Be with me now and you’ll get to use the hashtag #MySchoolPresident” gotta love them subtle title drops lmao

and naturally there’s a cliffhanger on the photjanee plot line. great. like they needed to have something to keep us hooked even tho we're invested literally no matter what, the next episode is the freaking final episode, we're gonna watch it, dont worry gmmtv

MY MAIN TAKEAWAYS

last episode felt way too short but this one felt way too long

I’m still not sure if tiwpor were already secretly dating or if it’s just mutual crushes or if it’s something else BUT they’re going down the tiwpor route for which I am grateful because WE’RE NOT DELUSIONAL HAHA SUCKERS WE WERE RIGHT

WHEN THE FLIP FLAP TICTAC WAS IT ESTABLISHED THAT SOUNDWIN ARE BOYFRIENDS????? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN OFF SCREEN???? I HAVE Q U E S T I O N S

and we have one episode left of this goodnessforsaken show. We have had eleven episodes. We have had about 600 freaking minutes of this show. And Tinn and gun stILL HAVENT KISSED???????? WHAT THE FLIP IS GOING ON

[tragedy-for-sale]

Anywhere I Want

I can go anywhere I want, do anything I want, be anything I want, but all I want, is to go home. Rex and Ahsoka start their lives after Order 66, but the road to recover is still unpaved. TW: Order 66 + clone wars finale angst

◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥

"All we have to do is get to Naboo, Padme will be there." Ahsoka explained, "She has a beautiful house, it's not far from a lake," looking over to Rex she really hope she'd given him some hope. Rex nodded slowly, wiping his eyes. He didn't care where they went as long as he never came back here.

The galaxy seemed darker, for the last few days they'd been iving in darkness. Rex was finally talking to her again, she needed that. They would never talk about this again. Pulling out body after body, finding Jesse, Rex's singing. She shook her head. They were going to Naboo, they were going to find Padme. "We're not gonna find her-"

"What?" Ahsoka turned to Rex, "W-what do you mean? Of course we are." She tried to laugh, Rex had been so silly like that lately. Trying to scare her. He was always trying to make her laugh.

Rex turned and looked at her slow, a steady frown on his face, "If she was alive, Anakin would be too, they're both dead."

"Rex don't say that-"

"They're dead, Ahsoka!" Rex screamed, "Anakin is dead which means Padme is too!"

"How do you know that?!" Ahsoka screamed back, shoving him away from her. She missed Rex. She missed her brother. All they did was yell at each other, all they did was fight, all they did was hurt each other as if this was all their fault.

"Because they would've come for us! They would've told us to come to Naboo!" Rex was shaking, legging thumping anxiously. But then he stopped, he didn't yell anymore. His eyes teared up, he didn't want to be like this. "If Padme was alive, everything would be okay because she would have given birth-" He started to tear up, "Her due date was the day..." He trailed off.

Ahsoka shook her head. No. Padme wasn't pregnant- "Anakin would've told me-" Ahsoka looked away, trying to piece it together. Trying to make sense of this. But nothing made sense anymore. She'd never fought with Rex in her life, but they fought everyday now. He never scared her, now he was scared of her. They always laughed and joked, but now, their survival was the only joke, and one of poor taste. "She was pregnant?"

Rex nodded, "Twins-" He cried, "The babies died with her, they were all Anakin could talk about all week and they're dead. That entire family- our entire family." Rex shook his head as he cried, this was so unfair. He was supposed to die on the battlefield. "They're all dead." It wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to be alive.

The war was supposed to end, Anakin leaving the order and retiring to Naboo to raise his kids. Rex was supposed to find Ahsoka and bring her home. He was never supposed to hate her. But everything was different now and he wasn't the soldier he was supposed to be. He wasn't the brother he was supposed to be. Ahsoka held herself, looking over to Rex. He'd been so lost in his grief, she didn't recognize him anymore. "We are going to Naboo." Ahsoka snapped, Rex hadn't been able to make one worthwhile choice since it happened, so Ahsoka would make all the decisions.

The two sat in the fighter, there was nothing they wanted to say to each other so they sat in silence. Rex sat behind Ahsoka, holding himself as tears silently streamed down his face. He knew Ahsoka was tired of him crying, tired of him singing, tired of him not being her brother. But as he sat there, his head pounded and he couldn't think, there was nothing behind his eyes. There was no hate, no peace, nothing, just a cold empty stare that haunted Ahsoka. He couldn't do anything, Ahsoka had been making all the decisions lately, and regardless of how guilty he felt, he was relieved Ahsoka was deciding what to do, he'd never been able to do anything he wanted before.

It was night when they landed on a cliffside. Ahsoka turned around after the ship was shut off, "I'm going to go scope out the area, Padme's home isn't far. I'm going to go see what I can find out." She spoke slowly, hoping to get a reaction out of Rex. Or anything, really. A sniffle, him looking at her, hell, even him blinking. Anything that would let Ahsoka know her brother was still in there, but he didn't move, he didn't blink, he didn't breath. He was paralyzed, with the faces of all his brothers screaming at him in his head. "Okay, well, I'll be back, okay?" She whispered softly, putting he'd hand on his shoulder, "Just stay here and I'll come back with food."

Rex turned his head slowly, looking at Ahsoka, he wanted to say something, but he couldn't speak for he'd hear Jesse crying for him, and Rex wouldn't survive that. Ahsoka bowed her head in resignation as she climbed out, "I'll be back, Rex." She sighed as the jumped onto the ground and headed into the night alone.

She held herself close, regret holding her heart tightly. Did he blame her? That question rang in her head all day everyday. Did he blame her for Jesse? Did he blame her for taking out his chip? Did he hate her for keeping him alive? Ahsoka wiped a tear, he'd been like this ever since it happened. He wasn't a captain anymore, he wasn't a soldier, he wasn't even her brother; He didn't laugh, he didn't smile, he didn't even yell, he didn't do anything except sit and stare. Rex had died with his brothers, and now, he was nothing but a beating heart,

Nothing but a broken heart

◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skys are grey, you'll never know-

[sparatus]

6 (dealer's choice), 7 and 37!

fic writer asks

6. What’s one fact about the universe of [insert fic] that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

in exdiff, it's implied here and there, but never outright stated: cnclr sparatus is a follower of a very old faith from his homeland of tiirtias that was adapted to fit the conquering cipritinians' terminology so it could survive imperialism. the gods are called spirits now and they let people believe it's just old tales, but tiirti polytheism is very much still alive, and ierian carried it to the citadel with him. in his specific case, while the statue in his office shepard fixates on is of sun-carrier, the dazduus god of the sun and the daytime/summer, his patrons are actually bright eyes, god of curiosity and strategy, and clever song, the goddess of the hunt and guardian of the dead.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

gonna veer off from what everyone's probably expecting here – yes im proud of tiirtias and the great war and the council but i talk about them a lot, im REALLY chuffed with everything ive done about batarians. not just the resistance, but the hegemony itself and the perfect storm it's boiling into. bioware calls it a shadow of its former glory and i've run with that as far as i can; the hegemony is a terrible place full of terrible people, but it's also in horrific decay and cannibalizing itself to survive. the resistance isn't succeeding because good vs evil or whatever, it's succeeding because the situation is finally dire enough to make conditions right so it can succeed.

37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?

let's go with absolution, because i will never stop being feral about it. it's kind of a little character study on garrus and his tattoos, sliding into rarepair garrus/citadel dlc turian lady at the end – how he feels about his tattoos when he's younger, and how that changes as he gets older and everything goes wrong, until after omega when they're another reminder of how much he's failed, and then his adoration of tasora and how she doesn't care about the reputation he's trying to live up to and it feels freeing.

like, i'll be straight up, i don't think me3 garrus's characterization and attitude, especially towards archangel, makes sense. he was given to a different writer for me3 and you can tell. i am biting patrick weekes with my mind. why is he cocky and bragging about archangel, it was a deeply traumatic experience that kicked him down a deep dark hole, 6 months isn't that long to be okay with it to the point of casually bragging. all of his friends are dead because of him, patrick. so i love absolution because im just exploring what's going on in his head, how even though he tries to play cool he's still deeply unsettled and just trying to convince himself there's no ghosts in the mirror.

the religious imagery is a plus too, im ex-catholic and gleefully appropriating the imagery because it's sexy and also fitting for garrus. no turians don't have angels in their mythology and it's annoying but gods and altars and forgiveness of sins are still a thing i can scatter about like rice at a wedding

[caitsix]

Okay so I promised I was gonna give my opinion on these NextFest games I played, so I’ll start with the ones I played on stream, the rest will be under the cut.

Potionomics: Out of every deckbuilder game I’ve seen, this one definitely seems the most my speed? My rig couldn’t really handle it and streaming at the same time which was a shame, but it didn’t seem like there were really any other performance issues. The character designs are charming and distinct (at least when you limit your perceptions to this game specifically), and the gameplay seems fun. I’m wishlisting this one.

Scars Above: I love to see another third person shooter soulslike, but I don’t particularly like the element damage types and how they’re integrated, nor do I like the item system. The gameplay overall was pretty good, but I got to a part that was a rotating triangles puzzle and I actually quit the demo early because of how annoyed I got. Might be good overall, but I’m not wishlisting it.

Entropy Centre: Really my only pain point with this game is that they don’t seem to understand what entropy is? At least as far as I understand it, maybe I’m stupid. But it’s very clearly inspired by Portal, and the levels I played were fun, though not particularly challenging. The story also seems interesting! I’m wishlisting this one.

Forever Skies: This is a really pretty game! I like the setting, and things get legitimately tense when you’re out of your ship in a storm. The ship customization is nice, and as far as survival games go, this seems pretty good. Didn’t grab me especially, but I think I just don’t like survival games. Not wishlisting this one.

Dredge: This one is super pretty too, I like it a lot. It’s a fishing game, but the fishing minigame is more like skill checks in Dead By Daylight than alike to any sort of fishing minigame Ive seen before. There’s also a vaguely Lovecraftian vibe to it, plus the process of selling fish, completing quests, and upgrading your ship seem to be pretty in-depth. I’m definitely wishlisting this one, it feels good.

A Hero’s Rest: DIdn’t like this one. Everything was pretty slow and the tutorial was going on really long... but I’ve also never played management sims before so maybe I just dislike those. 🤷‍♀️

Inkulinati: This game requires you to be smarter than I am. It’s a strategy game, which I didn’t expect, and I did get frustrated a couple times, but it seems like a fun little concept. I probably won’t be wishlisting it, but I can’t exactly rule it out as a Bad Game because Im just not the smartest.

I’m gonna play a couple more including Wavetale and Ship of Fools but I’m too sleepy to do that tonight.

[happy-tori-friends]

How about a protective prompt with Splendont and the twins? Pick whichever quote draws you in the most

when i have to make decisions i crumble under pressure so naturally i grabbed all the dialogue prompts that i think fit, gave 'em a number, and used my good pal dicebot.

...of course then i get conflicted. 'do i really want to do this one?' indecision is a plague and it runs in my family. so to wheel decide i went.

it didn't help.

eventually i decided on... “  look at me. you’re gonna be okay.  ” usually for quote prompts (ironically save for the 1st one i did) the pov character is usually the one saying the thing but i decided to do something different bc i have a lot of dont povs already.

uh. content warning for. violence. yeah. they survived the eggs they should be fine. this got long because favoritism and also ive wanted to write something like this for a while.

It wasn't… good to be out in their part of town late at night. He and Lifty knew this fully well, but sometimes it didn't stop them from doing so. Maybe just a hankering to do something other than stew in the insomnia, or lingering outside after a heist actually went right for once.

Today was the former - Shifty was feeling restless and Lifty had gotten fed up with whatever he had been doing, and so they slipped out of the apartment. A short walk, just to stretch their legs. Avoid alleyways and the like, head to the gas station down the street, maybe snag something there, and then head back. Most of the time, it was really that simple.

This was not most of the time.

“If Splendont found out about us doing this, how much do you think he'd scold us?” Shifty hummed, reaching for his brother's hand so as to not get separated in the darkness.

“Maybe he'd stay over more, or let us stay over more…” Lifty murmured in response, taking the hand. “Probably a pretty stern scolding though, so I'm not sure I want to test the chances, even if I want to spend more-!” Lifty suddenly gasped, grip tightening on his brother's hand.

“What?” Shifty turned to look at him, only to see hands reaching out from around a corner tugging on Lifty's tail. His own lashed, ears perking up as he prepared to grab the younger and pull him away, only for Lifty to let go and be tugged around the corner.

Shifty hissed, running after them, only to have his wrist roughly grabbed. He tried to pull away, but the grip tightened and he was dragged further into the alley alongside, despite his attempts to break free.

…They both knew fully well they were not the worst of the shady people in this part of town. They knew that under the cover of darkness, the far more wicked types would begin to stalk, looking for easy prey. And they knew that they fell into that category for those far stronger, more successful than they were.

“Fuck!” he shouted as they were slammed against the wall, trying to take the split second they were free to grab Lifty and run away. But before he could, their assailant pressed a fut to his abdomen and he wheezed, falling down to his knees.

And despite his fighting against it, his legs and hands were bound, and so were his brother's.

“Let's see if you were smart enough to change that hero's contact name in your phone,” their attacker purred, grabbing Lifty's phone. Shifty took in a sharp breath, because he knew that his name in Lifty's contacts was simply his name.

But…

“Are you stupid or something?” he snarled out despite everything. “You're gonna contact him? For what? Ransom? Don't you know what he could do to you?”

Crimson eyes, not warm like their boyfriend's but cold and calculated, stared at him for a moment. “You're both smart and stupid at the same time. I want that hero to stop bothering me and my associates. You just so happened to pass by and say his name as if you knew him personally, talk like he cared about you personally. And it looks like I inferred correctly!” She twirled a lock of jet black hair around her finger before grinning. “Smile for the camera! And be careful, I turned the flash on.”

Shifty's jaw clenched and he struggled against his bindings. “Bitch! Like hell I'll smile for your fucking picture!”

“Shifty,” Lifty murmured softly, not looking at him, looking at the bindings around his feet. “Don't… don't do that. She'll just…”

The both recoiled as the camera on Lifty's phone shuttered, the flash going off. The woman spent a few more moments typing before she called out. “Two of you! Come out here. Bring the knife. Grab the one with the hat. He has a sharp tongue…”

Footsteps drew near, and Shifty growled as someone kneeled next to him, grabbing his chin and forcing his mouth open. He could hear Lifty visibly gasp and felt him flinch as a second shoved him to the side, reaching into Shifty's mouth and grabbing his tongue. Something cold touched his tongue. Something sharp.

“If you don't keep quiet, or at least don't stop being so crude…” their original assailant hummed, creeping closer to him, holding the stolen phone in front of his face. “Let's say you won't be having that sharp little tongue of yours for much longer.”

If Shifty moved, if he tried to fight, then… His eyes widened and genuine terror crept into his chest. And it was late enough that they'd probably be out here all night, waiting for Splendont to wake up. In such an amount of time, his tongue could get cut off and even worse could be done.

The flash startled him once more and he jerked - not enough to cut it, thank fuck, but enough to raise his heart rate and think about how it could have.

“Now that you know the consequences, I do want to make it clear that just being nice and compliant won't save you,” the woman chuckled, approaching Lifty and wrapping his arms around his neck. His breath hitched, and he saw his brother struggle with the bindings as tears formed in his eyes, and heard him gasp for breath around her hands.

’We're fucked. We're completely and utterly fucked,’ Shifty thought, heart hammering in his chest. They'd gotten cornered before, but never in such a way like this. They'd usually manage to get away somehow, or the curse would kick in. Not this, never this.

The cold metal against his tongue, threatening to chop it off, the sounds of Lifty choking, gasping for breath, and the sensations of the tight bindings… It's enough to make even him tear up. It's all too much, and his heart beating and beating so fast wasn't helping. He wanted this to be over with - if they were going to kill them, get it over with fast. He hated struggling, hated the prolonged pain of a drawn out death, hated the blood and gore that never really fully went away. He didn't want to die, not really, but if it was quick, it'd be better than prolonging it.

…They probably planned to make them suffer, though. If Splendont didn't respond, they'd start cutting off their fingers one by one, remove an eyeball, or other stuff like that.

A shadow began looming above him, but he dared not to look up, dared not to move an inch. Until the knife was tossed away. The hand holding his tongue let go, and they were tossed aside like the lightest thing ever.

Looming above him was Splendont, folding his arms. “I suggest you let go before I toss you aside like your friend over there.”

“...I thought we had a deal, sir? You give us a pretty sum of cash and leave me and my associates alone for good, and your friends will be freed,” Letting go of Lifty's throat, the woman folded her arms, mirroring the hero's. She gave one look to the one still holding Shifty's mouth, and waved him off. He scrambled away as the woman took the lead, and Shifty scooted closer to his wheezing brother, gently touching their shoulders together.

“You think I'd just… bow to your whims like that?” the redhead murmured, eyes narrowing, and there was an intensity in his voice that Shifty had never heard before. Burning red rage hidden behind calmness, he wagered. For him. For Lifty.

The woman hummed. “You focus more on saving people. You wouldn't hurt anyone purposefully, would you? A hero would never do that, especially if all they want is to save people.” A taunt, and she stared at him with a smug look in her eyes. “So, hand it over. Because you're a coward that wouldn't dare hurt anyone unless you had to.”

Instantaneously, Splendont reached and grabbed her by the throat, slamming her against the wall with enough force to hurt but not kill. “You are pretty fucking stupid for assuming that. My brother, maybe, but I'm not above hurting scumbags like you who think they can outsmart me to get their way.” His fingers tightened around her throat. “You're lucky that only one of them actually got physically harmed after being tied up, and it's not the most serious of wounds. Because if you'd done anything more serious, I wouldn't be talking to you right now. Your brains would be splattered in this alleyway, or maybe your body reduced to nothing but ashes.”

The redhead took a deep breath, baring his teeth at her. “I'm not above maiming you or killing you, and honestly, I am considering it anyways. The only reason I haven't yet is because I want you to be alive to go and tell your little crew something. These two are off limits completely, do you understand me? They're under my protection. And if you, or one of your ‘associates’ dares to harm them in any way, shape, or form after this warning I will slaughter you in the most painful way I can think of. Do you understand me?”

Her gasps for breath were similar to Lifty's, and it made him feel… uneasy despite everything. Even if she deserved it, it just made him think of Lifty. His brother sobbed beside him, clearly still shaken up by the experience. Shifty didn't blame him. Even with the sensations of being forced to have his mouth open and tongue held against a knife gone, his heart was still beating so rapidly that he was afraid it'd burst out of his chest. Tears were still flowing from his own eyes, though not in heavy sobs like Lifty, who was still gasping for breath, trembling as he hiccuped and tried not to hyperventilate.

In a way, he felt kind of pathetic. Wondered if Lifty did too. For every excruciatingly painful death that they faced, everything that was more than likely worse than this, Shifty was still… unnerved. Terrified. Was it the threat of permanence, or was the thought, the sound, the feelings, the imagery all too much?

His golden gaze drifted back over to Splendont as he sniffed, wishing his hands were free so he could wipe away the tears, even if to the point the skin around his eyes was raw. He didn't want to be seen like this, even by his boyfriend who had seen him in even more vulnerable states.

The lady hit the ground as he let go of her. “Y-yes… I… I promise…” she wheezed out, and he saw that glimmer of fear within her eyes. She, who felt now what they'd felt. 

Lifty's phone was picked up off the ground and presented to the hero, who took it. “Stay here. I want to see you tell them not to mess with these two. If you try to run, I will find you.” He received a nod in response as she sank to the ground, and he smirked at her before turning his attention to them. He began to undo their bindings, and as soon as his arms were free, he wiped away the tears, taking in a shaky breath and not meeting Splendont's gaze. Instead, once he believed himself to no longer look like a pathetic mess, he grabbed Lifty's hand, making circles with his thumb on his brother's palm.

“Hey. Look at me. You're gonna be okay. Both of you,” Splendont gently grabbed his chin, placing a kiss on his lips before the motion made him flinch and think of the way he'd been held before. He did the same to Lifty, who simply clung onto him and cried. Shifty hesitated, feeling the tears return as he let out a breath, shuddering as he simply stared at him, a wide-eyed mess, trembling like a frightened child, crying like one too.

And yet wordlessly, he followed in Lifty's example, clinging onto Splendont and letting out an anguished sob, mentally pleading for him not to let go, to just… let it happen. Just until he could compose himself. Just until his heart no longer was about to beat out of his chest.

–––––

Even back at their apartment, even after witnessing the scum and her associates promise to leave them be, even when his tears had stopped, even when Splendont was holding them so close to him, rubbing their backs comfortingly, he still felt… indescribably not good. It probably would be the last time they went for a walk or something so late at night. It'd probably fuck with their insomnia even more. Nightmares? Maybe! Because fuck him and Lifty, they deserved the worst possible fucking cards in life at every given opportunity, right?

“Damn it,” he hissed, voice cracking as tears welled up in his eyes again. Why did he have to keep thinking about how he felt? It just made him fall back into crying again, a cycle that was hard to break.

“Shifty,” Splendont murmured softly, holding him closer, wiping away the tears gently. “It's okay to cry and be scared. I think anyone would in your situation.”

“It doesn't feel okay,” he snapped half-heartedly, sniffling, shutting his eyes tightly. “I hate feeling like this, I hate the fact it happened, and I hate the fact that the problem we tried to solve by going out is just going to get worse!”

“Shift…” Lifty murmured softly, looking at him. “...He's right.”

’I KNOW he's right but it doesn't make it feel any better!’ he wanted to shout, but he just held his tongue, burying his face into Splendont's chest.

Splendont continued to rub his back, just holding him while he cried and sobbed like a child. It was soothing, and Lifty grabbed his hand and held it too.

“I love you,” Splendont murmured, kissing his forehead. “More than words can describe. And I'm so glad I got there before they did anything worse because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something did happen to you. I would take a thousand bullets for the two of you, run through fields of fire and lava, turn back time if I had to. I'd die so many deaths for you… Anything to keep you two safe.”

“I'm sorry,” Lifty murmured softly. “I'm sorry, it was stupid of us to go out so late especially given we live here, but… but we couldn't sleep and we didn't want to just sit around.”

Splendont let out a breath. “Don't apologize. I was feeling restless tonight myself. God, I'm so lucky I was on my way to do an extra round of patrols when I got that text. But… you know what I'm about to say, right?”

“...You don't want us to wander outside at night anymore,” Shifty answered, lifting his head up. “We weren't going to. Not for a while.”

Splendont nodded. “Not alone, at least. If you want to go take a walk, call me. I'll drop everything for you.”

“You're too good. Too good for us,” Lifty murmured. “...Love you…”

“Yeah. We love you.” Shifty added. “...Thanks. For saving us, for… staying with us, for everything.”

They both let out a soft gasp as Splendont pulled them closer, peppering kisses onto their faces. And finally, Shifty no longer felt the dark and cold pit of dread and fear in his stomach, but rather a warm feeling. Love. Safety. The tension began to melt as he relaxed in his boyfriend's arms, giving his brother's hand a squeeze.

Maybe when Splendont left, it would return. But for now he knew they were safe and loved, and that was good enough for him.

[marcoisthename]

-7/3/2023- Ive never felt like this before. Craving for someone to calm me down and tell me everything’s gonna be okay. I hate today. Today makes me hate myself even more. Today makes me realise that im not good enough. Today make me realised that i dont deserve anyone in this world. If i survived today, that means alot to me. At this moment, i just wanna be disappear until everyone forgot about my existence. This is the lowest that ive reach so far. Im seeking for help, my heart getting explode. The anxious kick me and its getting worst than ever.

[romanarose]

Update on how things have been.

ups and downs ups and downs...

TW for depression, suicidal thoughts, sh, and ig work issues although those seem small in comparison to the other warnings

Monday was much better. Today is worse than Monday but not as bad a last week. Last week I was in serious danger to myself. If I was insured I would have committed myself for my safety.

I relapsed on SH this week, been over a year since doing that so its pretty disappointing, but not as bad as when i relapsed after like 5 years.

As some of you know, I quit my job on friday. It was my weekend job at olive garden that i'd been at for a long time, and had evn more years at different olive garden locations and long story short i was feeling a lack of respect and decent pay for certain postions so i said i was done hosting, expecting to do bread, salad, or to go. I get schedule to buss which pays worse than host and i lost it lol. Completetly. It felt like an insult. It honestly got blown out of proportion bc of my emotions but the way my general manager handled it was really disappointing and brushed me off when i wanted to talk about it on saturday. On sunday we did actually talk. One of the other managers was in the room and while i didn't feel my GM understood me, the other manager did. She said she was the one that scheduled me that and didn't mean it as an insult nor a punishment but she validated why I felt like it was. She took me off one of the bussing shifts as an act of goodwill. I'll be working less hours there and more on my on campus job but i think over all it got smoothed over enough.

But after that, i cried and cried and cried. for 45 minutes. Like i sat in the parking lot sobbing bc i could not drive. Eventually im able to get to panda express and cry more trying to calm down and get my food. I just went i with my face red a blotchy ad tears in my eyes and went home and watched My Man Godfrey via screenshare with a friend. Good movie.

Unsure how I feel. I naively thought yesterday that this was over, but one good day does not a cure make.

On the brightside, my Race and Ethnicity in america class was supossed to do a presentation on jackie robinson tomorrow and my and a classmate were gonna work on it today after class... and she said "hey i pretty much did everything, if you just wanna come to class a little early tomorrow we can go over the slides." I felt bad bc I didn't do anything but she said she really just prefers to do work by herself. She and I are both history majors and know each other well, so I know for a fact that I can return this favor some day. I started tearing up and saying how I've been struggling so this is such a relief.

Grades will be okay I think. geology is gonna suck at the end bc ive been bullshitting it all. Race and ethnicity in american will be an A i think. Just got my paper back for the other american history class, I got an A so far. Im not super confident about the research paper at the end but... If I have an A a C or something for the paper will be alright. I got my midterm back for the history research class and I though I got like a 50% lol but it was a B-. everything else has been a's so far so if i dont do great on that paper ill survive. Race and law is an A rn and I dont precieve that changing. I need to keep a 3.0 gpa to keep my scholarship one more year.

Anyway y'all dont care about any of that.

I fear as this semmester goes on there will be less and less time to write fics so be prepared. Im trying my best. Everything is awful rn and i dont wanna exist but im pulling through.

sorry for the depressing post

[gh0stbra1nz]

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[fearforthestorm]

okay making a proper post just to compile all my own thoughts!

at the end of Grian's episode, he's doing his outro and falls down the hole where his beacon is and lands with two hearts left. he looks over at the rift, which is producing strange sound effects, eats a suspicious stew that gives him blindness, and cuts to black after he gets hit by a zombie. there's a few seconds of Scar reading the audiobook he did for the ad segment before the episode ends. here's what I've got as far as analysis and thoughts:

- after actually double checking my numbers on the Minecraft wiki, if you have feather falling iv boots + two other pieces of armor with protection iv (I'm operating under the assumption that Grian did have prot iv on the helmet and leggings he was also wearing), a player with full health survives a maximum fall distance of 103 blocks. while the Rift is down at roughly y=0, I don't think that Grian's base is above y=100, so him surviving with two hearts remaining checks out.

- the Rift sound effects definitely hint at something. Grian has been saying - particularly when he built the Rift - that he wants to do more storytelling via builds this season. I really hope that this will turn into a full storyline, because holy fuck he's great at lore but never really does it.

- I'd also like to note the strange shadows in the Rift?

[image description: a screenshot of the Rift from Grian's Hermitcraft 9 Episode 9. in the glass fog effect are darker shadowy patches in a vaguely rectangular shape. end ID]

not to be an Evo fan on main, buuuuuuut...it's not that much of a stretch to imagine that looks like the Evo symbol, right? and also, while we're at it, yes the association of purple w Evo is mostly fanon but in the series logo the symbol/portal is filled with a magenta-pink hue, y'know, the same color as the Rift. not to say that's gonna lead to anything but I am legally obligated to theorize on it, okay,

- hate to break this part to everyone but the Landscaping Your Mind part almost definitely doesn't mean anything, Grian decided to add that to the very end yesterday during MCC when Scar jokingly started reciting it. don't have a clip but if you're looking to see that bit it was after dodgebolt.

- what was the suspicious stew about. Grian. what was that blindness effect for. are you making reference to ohhhh let's say. a certain lore element to do with Watching. I kind of doubt this is about the Watchers but again! as a resident Evo stan and the self proclaimed #1 Watchers apologist, let a guy dream okay.

I think that's everything I had to say, please feel free to add stuff! would love to hear more thoughts on this, especially the part with the blindness stew bc I forgot about that bit and I think it could definitely be Something.