#it's got some. controversial views on my end

[roachfun]

This is probably a wild thing to get but your “Gojo should stay dead” post has got my unmedicated ass vibrating.

(I’ve only read jjk0, besides that literally all of my exposure has been via 3 video essays and fanfic… I basically got into the series backwards and tbh it’s an interesting experience…)

And tbh I agree with you more than not. Even though the view I have of the character is so fucking warped because jjk fanfic is too the gills filled with smut.

Because what I’ve gathered from the video essays and the few bits of fanfics that actually tried getting into his mind… is that the man is gd tired.

A god complex the size of the sun, that’s only ever been challenged once by one of the few people he ever formed a genuine connection with, and it was challenged as that person was leaving him. That incident may have motivated him to change, but that change was predominantly if not exclusively external, he didn’t really do much self reflection.

After Geto left, Gojo did better (became a teacher, warding Megumi, not letting Yuta be executed) but he didn’t work on being better (god complex, recklessness, belief that his way is the only way with no real consideration for the effects those decisions have on others)

He’s selfish, arrogant, and reckless, he doesn’t seem to take much of anything seriously and that may be a persona (again, I haven’t actually read jjk yet… the ending of mha did the characters, narrative, and audience so gd dirty I need to know how jjk ends so I set my expectations accordingly) but I can very much see this man never really developing his sense of empathy because he never really had any stakes… like he has some understanding, but the god complex and the fact people around him constantly reinforce it… he can’t put himself in other people’s shoes, there’s a detachment from reality that would read as delusional for anybody else, but he has spent his entire life being told he is the strongest with nothing ever being able to prove him wrong.

Than on the flip side of that god complex, honestly for a good while, and still sorta kinda… to me he reads as passively suicidal. (I know “Word of God” can be controversial regarding character analysis because of its absence in the base text) but the fact Gege’s rough rundown of Gojo’s daily schedule was basically “he sleeps for about 3 hours and spends the rest of his time working, his sweet tooth is actually somewhat practical as he uses sugar as a stimulant.” That’s not good for your noggin. Add the isolation caused by his status and his god complex, I see him coming to the conclusion that the only way he should die, is in battle.

And he did! Even if wasn’t in the “final sacrifice that ensures he becomes a legend” sort of way I think he would’ve hoped for.

But that also felt… right? (Certainly not fair, Gege openly admitting he kills off fan favorites for the shock value does dampen the possible emotional impact that could’ve been achieved… but I digress)

Every time Gojo fights, and I mean properly fights, he’s smiling, it’s a game to him, a chance to show off, to assert his dominance and reaffirm his status… so him dying so suddenly that his legs are still standing as his upper half falls to the floor, he’s lying there choking on his own blood as he bleeds out and Sukuna saying it “cleared his skies” (weird phrasing, but I think that’s a cultural/translation thing) it could’ve been a gut punch of a tragedy that amped up the stakes of the final conflict! The protagonists’ trump card is gone in a handful of panels and a flick of the wrist! He’s bleeding out on the ground as the big bad seems to reach a moment of genuine inner peace! But the backtracking and Gege’s history lessened that significantly

tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that Shonen Jump had something to do with it… the motivations for Gege’s writing choices are questionable to me (it feels spiteful and cheap) but they’ve been consistent until now, what changed?

Anyway it is… 5:45 am… I should be asleep, but I’m here vomiting character analysis based on partial information in your inbox… I hope you have a good day/night/whatever is appropriate for when you receive this

I hate that you had me read all that, but I couldn't agree more with most that you said (except maybe where you call him selfish and I lowk think geges killing system is fair and I like it a lot but🤷).

Anyways, I don't know how to really respond to this since you basically did all the talking lol (plus I'm tired from reading all that and just got out of school).

I do have a question tho. how did you start with jjk0??? Like how does something like that happen. Also you haven't watched the anime or anything😭???

Anyways, thanks for dropping this essay on me have a good day/night or life in case we never speak🩵

[dragon-tamer-1]

I know people may not like what I have to say on this, but it's just bothersome to see so many posts hating on one person for their beliefs. And to just go "if you support this person you're a terrible person". Like. No. It's fine if you don't like the person then fine, block the person, block certain tags or something. But insinuating that someone who still likes someone's art/writing/etc., just because that person making it believes differently than you, is a bad person. Just doesn't make sense to me. You're allowed to have different beliefs than someone else. Especially if said person didn't hurt anyone with those beliefs. I personally will still like what I like despite everyone freaking out about it. Maybe I'll make a separate blog if people really don't want to see that person's posts on my blog, but I don't like people telling me who I can/can't like. Seems very controlling honestly.

[occamstfs]

Ni Hao!NYC

Morally conflicted journalist puts off questions of ethics until it's just too late. Finally assigned to put his name next inflammatory content Sam finds himself more than appreciating Chinese culture.

Various white to Asian Muscle growth and racial change ahead!

Like many, I saw the final pictures on twitter and had to do something with them haha! Ended up with a piece just a tad different than usual! Hope you all enjoy! -Occam

Samuel Johnston knew he worked for a rag but as long as the checks cashed he could afford to mute his conscience. They made money not from sales so much as some rightwing think tank who wants their views affirmed in any way they can get it. So he lays low and pens little puff pieces, avoiding anything too controversial and introduces himself as an accountant to anyone he cares enough to lie to.

He’s quite adept at staying out of sight and mind when it comes to the doling out of any especially charged or problematic issues. Making sure to bury his own work any chance he gets, even using a pen name in case someone accidentally stumbles on his writing. It’s gone well enough so far he thinks! Sam tells himself that really working for NY:Red isn’t that bad, surely it’s even good that he’s got the job rather than anyone who believes the shit they write. Right?

No job is without its problems, he tells himself. So far he’s done a commendable job keeping his nose down with an almost supernatural ability to duck away from bigwigs or management. That is until now as he’s summoned by name to his boss’ side. His proficiency at staying off the radar of management has kept him from a one on one with the man in charge for some time, but now he is sitting on the top floor outside of Mr. Howard’s office, surely waiting to be assigned some horrible project.

“Come in!” Sam hears the surly man shout before promptly stepping into the gaudy office. He’s immediately taken aback as somehow the editor looks almost younger than he does in the many pictures Sam has seen. Sam hides his shock at the man’s jet black hair as well as he hides the general fear and disdain that begins to send adrenaline pumping towards his mind. Mr. Howard doesn't notice at least, getting straight to business, “I can tell from yer writing that ya like the city Sam, can I call ya Sam?”

Samuel opens his mouth to reply but the chief just continues on, “Anyway I love all yer little toilet paper stories but how do ya wanna write with the big leagues?” This time Samuel stays strong and gets a word in before being steamrolled again, “Actually I-” “I’m puttin’ you on the most important case we have Sam. Surely ya’ve noticed all this, what's da word, influx? Invasion? Bah. All the Asian shit that’s startin’ ta creep in on our city’s culture!” Samuel makes an awkward face as despite knowingly working for the racist, it’s different to hear the words out loud.

He holds his tongue out of shock or fear and his boss continues on his diatribe, “The last couple a schmucks I had on the beat just up’n left me high and dry can ya believe it! Old friends I thought!” He grumbles as he scratches his chin, moving away his hand it seems his beard thinned? He shakes his head in irritation and Sam would swear he saw his jowls tighten and wrinkles smooth over. “Anyway kid. Go out and do some prelim research. Have something on my desk by Friday or yer out just like those galoots!” Samuel stands for a second unsure if he’s allowed to leave before his boss looks up to glare with eyes Sam would’ve sworn were blue when he walked in.

Sam rushes out the door and to the elevator, riding it back to his floor, debating between writing a preemptive resignation or keeping mum and keeping on payroll for one last week. Profiteering from a culture war he may be but he’s not about to regurgitate genuinely racist talking points. He taps his foot impatiently as he thinks about just how cushy this gig is though. “Fuck!” He decides to call the only other confirmed decent human being he knows here, his friend Nick who works in the fashion dept.

The two go to grab coffee at a chain next door, Sam tries not to notice how they’ve started selling Vietnamese iced coffee. “Fuck man I can’t do it! Literally just one conversation alone with Howard was a wake up call.” Nick smiles like he has no problems with working for the dirtiest rag in the city, “Chill out Sam. Huward had my manager on the same beat and he, uh, Hidaka said that is said to just look busy for a bit and we won’t need to worry about all this racist shit anymore.” Sam squints his eyes at his friend, he’s not usually so easy breezy about work. He also racks his brain trying to figure out who Hidaka could possibly be. That can’t be his boss. No way Howard would let someone not white lead a department.

Seeing Sam lost in thought Nick reaches out and grabs his hand in a way Sam couldn’t imagine him doing before this second. In fact as the second drags on he stares down in the hand in shock, feeling the warm hand squeeze his forearm. He looks up to his friend’s face searching for any clue to the cause of this odd behavior. Sam smiles awkwardly and half-jokes “Hah hah, uh- Who are you and what’d you do with Nick… Hah.” Nick bursts out laughing, patting him on the arm jovially and leaving a hand larger than Sam remembers resting on his own. “Hidaka-san just showed me how to worry less about this job un?”

Sam inspects him closely for anything amiss, it looks like he’s picked up a bit of a tan? His hair is messier than usual and definitely a little darker, his skin is alluringly smooth and Sam can feel the heat his body is generating despite sitting across from him. Looking at his clothes Sam finds another surprise, his shirt almost looks strained! As if Nick has been hitting the gym for sometime, maybe it’s just been a while since he’s seen his friend in person? 

Assuaged in the slightest, Sam ignores the glowering red flags and follows this lede, “Woah Nick have you been working out?” Nick blushes and Sam at the very least sees his friend is as shy as ever. He goes to scratch the back of his head straining his shirt almost to its ripping point as he responds, “Ah a little haha! どうぞ(please) don’t you worry about me. Since you have no desire to write the article, why don’t you go ahead and check out the little Asian market down the street for fun? It was quite a good time when Hidaka-san brought me earlier this week!”

Sam awkwardly smiles as he wonders why on Earth Sam is suddenly referring to his boss like this, it’s almost like he’s performatively speaking Japanese. Taking a second to pause Sam looks at the haircut as hands unseen style it into something fashionable he puts two and two together. Thinking to himself, ah! Nick must just be a weeb! Tension disappears from his body with a sigh of relief as he wonders how he didn’t notice before now. He gets up to follow his friend’s advice, what better way to stick it to the man than support the people he aims to malign right?

He bucks up and grabs a Vietnamese iced coffee for the road, tossing a “Sayonara,” at Nick with a wink to which he perks up and slightly bows. Man, how did he not notice before Sam thinks yet again. Blissfully unaware, leaving just as kanji symbols appear on Nick’s keyboard and his friend responds to an email in a language he didn’t know this morning. Blue eyes growing coal dark as his tanned, increasingly muscular arms tap away at the keyboard.

Sam spends the bulk of his day at the little Asian street fair and has an absolute blast. Any residual stains on his mind from his unpleasant morning absolutely fade away as he goes from booth to booth sampling cuisine and chatting with diasporic cultures the world over. Time flies as he goes into journalist mode and basically interviews first gen Chinese immigrants about their time in the city. He finds himself beyond immersed in the conversation, continuing to learn from the couple as the tables around them begin to pack up for the day. 

He offers to help the older couple pack up and they happily take the aid, striking him bashful as they talk of what a sweet young man he is. “Wa! 哇强 (strong) Too!” The wife chuckles as she jokingly feels his less than impressive arms. He was having a better time at this little fair than he ever could’ve imagined, enough so that he thinks about going to stick it to Huaward then and there. Huaward? Whatever. His mind slightly off put by whatever that was, in an uncharacteristic act of transparency, Sam lets it slip that he works for NY:Red. The expressions on the kind couple’s faces immediately sour and Sam is quite shocked that they even know what the paper is.

There is a glint in the husband’s eyes as he starts to motion Sam away from any further aid, “谢谢 (Thank you) for your help, Sam. There have been a few, hm, bad men wandering around from that paper and I uh-” He looks around his table and grabs some miijiu they hadn’t put away yet. His wife nods, her face somewhere between rueful and hopeful as she watches her husband offer Sam the glass. “Again, 谢谢, er thank you for your help young man, enjoy this for the road 好的? (Yeah?)” The two turn to each other and begin talking to each other in mandarin alone and Sam takes the hint.

Kicking himself that he fumbled the capstone on such a pleasant afternoon, though finding solace in the rice wine he’s walking away with. He is blissfully unaware as the couple watch him drink and head down the street debating if everyone from that paper really is an asshole. Grimacing as they think about the vitriol spewed at them by NY:Red readers they decide they had no other recourse. Pleasant as he seemed Sam was consciously working on the side of hate and that could not be simply overlooked.

Sam quite enjoyed the rice wine the couple left him with, it immediately smooths over any lasting regret or concern about his interaction with the couple. They don’t know anything about him! He’s nothing like his other coworkers. It feels as if he’s had far more to drink than the small container they left him with should allow, but every time he looks down there always seems to be more mijiu to entice him. It would be impolite not to finish their gift he thinks; his confident stride quickly shifting to a stumble as he wanders home. 

His phone goes off as he gets an email from his boss, Mr. Huang?  Can’t be right. He squints at the email, deciding he must really have overdone it on the mijiu and stuffing his phone back in his pocket. Beyond the obvious difficulties in ambulation being drunk, Sam is unable to notice as his proportions slowly begin to shift. His ever-so lanky body begins to feel dull and heavy as the warmth of the wine fills his chest to capacity and then some as he leans against his apartment door, wiping his feet on an unfamiliar doormat. 

He kicks his shoes off by the door on some new instinct and immediately goes to collapse on the couch. His small sofa creaking as he puts more than his usual dead weight on it. His legs that usually hang off the end lengthen even further as his thighs grow meatier. Pecs press into the cushions as he snores. He is swiftly ushered into an unfamiliar dreamscape, the jubilee of the fair and the bewildering amount of wine he drank produce a vivid carnival of culture in his subconscious.

He sees the old couple at their stand and begins to speak with them in their mother tongue, seeing the delight as a load is taken off their shoulders. His dreamself seamlessly conversing with a fluency unearned. Sam stirs in the waking world as his mind existentially changes to match his morphing body. His blond hair grows thin and longer as its tint stains darker. Twitching in REM the green eyes that he prides himself on speckle with brown before they are entirely overtaken, becoming a rich cacao like the thick eyebrows framing them.

The discomfort of a new language forcing itself into this memory begins to wane as he prides himself on how fluent he is in both Chinese and English. His hand goes to scratch his pecs and he smirks in his sleep as they pulse larger, knowing pride is not the only thing surging within him. At the edges of his mind he feels the memory of learning a language, words written on a blackboard in chalk, English and Chinese both. For the life of him he cannot recall which of the two he’s learning second. An alarm set on his phone blares and he jolts awake to get ready for work.

Throwing on a shirt, Sam freezes as he sees his reflection. Hundreds of little questions seize his mind, those aren’t his eyes are they? Did he dye his hair last night? Are those abs? God his arms look good don’t they!? As they race through his mind and grow rampant they fixate on how attractive he suddenly feels. Rubbing his pecs and feeling them bounce he cries out to himself, “该死！Uhhh, Damn I look good!” He poses in the mirror and takes in every new angle of his powerful body. Taking note as his body hair seems thinner, and decidedly darker wherever it remains. He looks close at his pit seeing his once dense bush of curly hair thin out and straighten, before the memory of even having dense body hair is washed from his mind.

His phone goes off again and his work is immediately brought to the forefront of his mind. “Fuck I didn’t read Huang’s message!” He finds email after email from his boss, only the first few mention the wretched assignment they last talked about. Sam’s eyes widen as he continues to skim through the emails as the topic lines quickly show some drastic re-prioritization from his boss. Only then does he realize that he’s been reading his boss’ name as Huang. His boss is white. Rather his boss’ whole identity is based around being white! Huang isn’t, right? Incredibly he clicks the last email, subject line Vacation, and is immediately greeted with a mouth watering picture of a powerful man. Everything comes to a stop as he can’t help but gawk at this man’s body.

Ni Hao Sanuel- take the day off shi de? Still only half dressed Sam balks at just how bizarre this is, rereading the name Sanuel he is thrown for a loop as his mind reconfigures this. Tearing his eyes from the man’s torso he finally looks at the cocky face and sees a thread he recognizes,  “天啊! (Holy Shit!) That’s Mr. Huang!” He shuts his mouth before he drools like a dog at his boss’ arms. God, this is unlike him though right? He tries to dig through his memories of the editor in chief as the caustic racist he was yesterday, but with each uncovered the image of Huang changes as this dreamboat playboy overrides more of what was.

Sanuel readies to just stay in for this day of assigned vacation before he gets another notification, this time from his friend, Nobu? An image of Nick flashes through his mind, a handprint burns on his arm, and the taste of Vietnamese coffee dances on his lips. “Meet me on the boardwalk うん？” Sanuel rolls his eyes at his friend tacking on Japanese like that, willing his mind not to think about how his friend’s contact ID now says Nobu. Must be one of those, uh, his own thoughts trail off as he successfully abandons concern to head to meet his friend.

Nearing the meeting spot he looks for his usually cleancut friend, the only body present however is a massive Japanese man awkwardly flexing at himself in a reflective surface. Sanuel shyly speaks up, “Ni Ha-, uh Hey? Have you seen a guy named Nick around here?” The apparent bodybuilder beams and goes to engulf Sanuel in a hug shouting, “Oi! Shan! took ya long enough!” His eye twitches hearing the name, as this man effortlessly lifts him off his feet in a hug far too intimate for colleagues, and certainly from whoever this stranger is!

Shan pushes against the massive man, his body heat broiling him on this already warm day. He strains his eyes looking at the man grabbing him and suddenly it hits him, “Nobu?” The man promptly lets him go and pats him on the back with a laugh he would’ve never expected to come from his sheepish friend in the fashion department. “Wanna go have some ice cream or something Shan?” He feels the need to push back against his friend calling him Shan but as he hears it a second time he can’t recognize the names as anything but his own.

Shan pauses as he sees Nobu stop to chat with some Japanese tourists and something about the picture doesn’t sit right. God it’s that talk with Huang getting him all worked up again that,uh, racist? He clutches his head as contradictions between his past and present collide in his head and he slams his eyes shut as he cannot determine what is true about his current reality. Shan falls to the ground with a deep thud, slightly hyperventilating, his body grows larger as he takes deep breaths from the stress.

Hearing him collapse Nobu runs over to help him up, this time with more effort as his friend’s comatose body continues to put on muscle and grow heavier. Still, having the impressive figure he does, Nobu rather easily gets him on a bench and sits next to him, “クソ野郎？(Fuck dude?) You alright?” Shan slowly nods as his friend throws an arm around him. Looking down at his own arms as they pulse with muscle, he feels his eyes strain as the structure of his face begins to change.

Shan's jawline sharpens and his skin smooths. Stubble that has been a cornerstone of hiding his facial blemishes vacates as his hair stains black and flops longer. He feels clarity grace his mind as he stares at large hands on the ends of pale, hairless, muscular arms and he wonders if he is even himself.

He voices these concerns to Nobu who just laughs them off. “Hah! Of course dude, same Shan I’ve always known!” “那- that’s not my name Nobu.” His friend grins shyly in concern for his friend's mind. “It can't be my name. I’m-” grimacing before he continues as it takes everything in his power to speak against the realities in front of him. Memories of a world quite far away, moving to New York long ago, the youngest in a family of Chinese immigrants, “I’m white aren’t I Nobu?” 

Nobu can’t help but laugh again at the beyond bizarre statement. He jokes about Shan hitting his head when he fell. “You’re the most 2nd Gen Chinese わるがき(brat) I know bro! Imma go get us some ice cream while you chill out.” Shan stares at his friend as he abandons him, feeling his eyes tighten as they shift into the monolid eyes that his memories swear he’s always had.

Shan retreats into his mind racing against his changing memories to find a pillar of truth to grasp on. He sees himself at the gym with Nobu, his black mop of hair flicking sweat into the air as he poses with his bro. He sees just yesterday at the Asian fair, helping an elderly couple pack up their table, twitching as he would’ve sworn that went differently. He remembers sitting at the office getting no work done as he plays on his phone, 是的！that’s it! His job. There’s something there, if only he can remember what the problem was there.

He sees Nobu begin walking back with sweet treats, Nobu works at the paper too. Oh 呃/Duh! He smirks as he goes for his wallet to grab a business card. His eyes see the obnoxious red logo he knows before they read text that will send him irrevocably forward, Shun Jiang - Ni Hao!NYC. His body fills with warmth like a machine overworking as his mind races with information about his new reality. Sweat drips from his hair as he can no longer even struggle to recall his claimed existence as a bystander at the vile paper they produced. His brown eyes steep to a dark black as they glaze over.

“Shan-baka! Here’s a popsicle!” Nobu shouts as he returns to his overheated friend who immediately bursts from his stupor. “混蛋!(Asshole!) It’s Shun- thought we were close!” Nobe smirks as he starts to eat his own ice cream. Unable to recall anything too in depth he feels a pause as he wonders what his Japanese friend is doing working for a Chinese newspaper, before he answers it himself. Clearly his subconscious is more at place in whatever new reality he faces. Their paper is for all NYC’s Asian immigrants. Nobu works writing, or more often modeling, for Konnichiwa!NYC! Huang really was a genius for the idea.

Shun smiles, thinking fondly of his boss as he enjoys the short break from the summer heat that Nobu brought him. Back at the headquarters of their paper everything shifts from the rag it was and into a paper connecting the disparate Asian immigrants of the city, printed in any language they can find translators for, Ni Hao, Konnichiwa, Annyeonghaseyo, Namaste!NYC. Each day striving for a better, more inclusive New York City. Shun beams with his new face, no longer burdened with the just concern of his peddling vitriol, instead possessed with a desire to spread his culture far and wide.

———————————————————————————

As I was writing I remembered a similar series by the now gone Dumb-and-Jocked!

If interested do check out Horizon Zero: One, Two, and Three for quite a different take on a journalism themed Racial Change!

[ladcedes]

controversial!

summary f1 heartthrob lando norris starts dating a hot, up-and-coming celebrity with a not-so-hot personality and some fans protest…

disclaimer reminder this is completely fictional!!! the “faceclaim” (very loosely) may be rachel zegler but in no way am i basing it off her personality!!! no hate to her at all i love her sm

the tweet:

comments

user-1 isn't this lando norris' new gf

user-2 no way she's featuring on a DRAKE album 💀💀

yourusername

Liked by bellahadid and 223,449 others

yourusername one thing about me and red carpets... i'll always be serving cunt ❤️‍🔥

view all 442 comments

hunterschafer yess always serving the best looks

bairdballad absolute icon!!

(liked by lando norris)

⤷ bairdballad wtf lando liked this

⤷ snowangel @.bairdballad lando is so real for that

landonorris always a stunner

⤷ yndefender so can we take this as confirmation that they're together

⤷ ynmyloves @/yndefender if this isnt confirmation idk what is 💀

ln4life her language is so vulgar why would lando be with her

⤷ futuref1w4g ikr she's such a bad influence

⤷ angelyns icb you actually said vulgar 💀 lando norris is a fully grown!! BRITISH!! man!!

⤷ milcedes @.ln4life @.futuref1w4g average instagram comments...

lewishamilton 👏👏👏

⤷ ylnstars LEWIS??? lando you better get tf up

⤷ ultraviolenced ariana what are you doing here

2007wdc we should expect lando of all drivers to be with a girl like her most tbf

⤷ 9thwdc aside from lewis

lando.jpg

tagged: yourusername

Liked by daniel3.jpg and 342.112 others

lando.jpg and that marks the end of the 2023 season ✨

view 4 comments

yourusername not a single pic of my face yet you tag me... someone tell him that's not how soft launches usually work

⤷ lando.jpg @.yourusername who says i'm trying to do a soft launch

⤷ yourusername @.lando.jpg you showed me hundreds of other 8K HD pictures of me with my face and only post faceless ones?

⤷ lando.jpg @.yourusername maybe i'm just gatekeeping your face

⤷ yourusername @.lando.jpg it's ok lan, you can stop trying to cover up your loser soft launch attempt, i'll still love you

comments have been disabled

yourusername

tagged landonorris

yourusername cheers to the haters 🥂 he still loves me xx

3 December 2023

view 316 comments

georgerussell63 @ landonorris Your gf is scary help

landonorris you tell em babe

norrislclrc queen behaviour i say

ln4life can’t believe he’d get with you

⤷ ynloml and? you think he’d ever look in your direction?

⤷ ynvfx literally get a life how are you still out here yapping about them even on insta??

ladcedes using this "comment" as an author's note! this is so scuffed im sorry i started it back in early december planning to do more for it but i got busy and atp just wanted to get it done 😭

⤷ ladcedes so for anyone confused about the drake album randomly being there… yeah…

[colie-nne]

i-c-o-n-i-c part 1

pairing: lewis hamilton x fem!reader | instagram au

summary: what it feels like to be the most iconic yet controversial couple in the paddock.

warning: implied age gap, other than that none.

requested: yes | no - REQUESTS ARE OPEN

a/n: so uhm this is part one, planned to post the whole thing but it came to be too long so i'm separating this into two. Hope you like it!!

yourusername added to their story

(caption: hello, monaco🇲🇨)

Daily WAG updates

158,219 likes

Daily WAG updates Lewis Hamilton's new girlfriend, Y/n L/n, was seen entering the paddock for the Monaco Grand Prix qualifying sessions, three months after confirming their relationship. (photos are from Twitter and y/n's latest story: yourusername)

view all 503 comments

user a lewis girl, it's been so long omy!!!🤍

user is it true that she's younger than him

user yes! people say she's only in her early twenties user i heard she was... user OH WHAT?

user another one using the drivers for fame 🤮🤮🤮

lewishamilton

liked by georgerussell63, mickschumacher and 1,540,965 others

lewishamilton Great race today, experienced a few mishaps but everything ended up good. Nice work coming from the team, who's always giving their best. Felt real support and love this weekend. Merci, Monaco 🇲🇨. (28/05/2023)

view all 5,978 comments

yourusername always the greatest ❤️

lewishamilton 😘 user i can't believe she got lewis to use that emoji, so cute!!! user the support he's missing has arrived

user and he has posted her....

user wanna bet that he'll drop her in a few weeks? user you do know they've been together for almost a year before going public right?

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, mercedesamgf1 and 67,920 others

yourusername Thank you for the experience, Monaco. See you!

also, lewishamilton can i have your number? 🫣

view all 3,022 comments

lewishamilton nope, sorry ❤️

georgerussell63 no, he's already with me yourusername oh ok❤️ user not george fighting for lewis 😂

user his smile !!! and that last pic, they're so cute

user don't you guys find it weird that she's closer to george and mick's age, yet she's dating him?

user she's an adult, she knows what she's doing. user yeah, she knows how to spend his money😒

mercedesamgf1 we can give you his number in exchange for those cookies you brought last time.

yourusername sure!! great, thank you!!😊 user i like how his team likes her with lewis

Daily WAG updates

99,073 likes

Daily WAG updates Y/n L/n spotted shopping around Monte Carlo with Mercedes' Lewis Hamilton (02/06/2023)

view all 745 comments

user and there goes his money

user her family is known in the business industry and that y/n herself is a businesswoman, i don't think she needs lewis' money tbh

user what a golddigger at such a young age

user Y/n's so pretty!! i see why lewis is with her

user yeah, she's also very sweet, cause I happen to be there when they were shopping and when I asked lewis for a picture she asked me if she could take it instead!! she also gave me that cookie his team was raving on about

user their age difference still bothers me... he's like 13 years older than her

user but they did say they met when she was 20 so nothing's wrong user i still think it's too big of an age gap

lewishamilton

liked by carlossainz55, georgerussell63 and 1,875,289 others

lewishamilton Silver in Spain 💥💥 Great work from everyone as always. Congratulations on a good race to georgerussell63 as well. Felt the support and love this weekend as well. Thank you for the team and yourusername❤️ for being there !! Some post race and after party pics (04/06/2023)

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user the heart!!! the heart oooooo!! congrats to lewis and george!!

user the are the it couple!! very very iconic, always serving

yourusername i will always be there for you, my heart

lewishamilton as i to you user this is so sweet it's making me sick carlossainz55 now show love to my bucket hat

user the support and motivation y/n gives lewis is phenomenal, she should attend the races so we can see our man be p1 again

user why is she always with lewis?? all she does is pose around the paddock

user uhm because they're together? user they should really break up at this point. i also can't see lewis settling with someone much younger than him user are we really still talking about the age gap or you're just saying that to throw hate on y/n??

Daily WAG updates

263,259 likes

Daily WAG updates After being inactive for weeks, Y/n has made her account private. Lewis has yet made a statement after the hate thread the two has been receiving. (28/06/2023)

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user i feel so sad for her, the fact that they had to hide their relationship for almost a year and the time they chose to public you've doubled up on the hate train. ya'll just jealous of her at this point.

user oh no!!! people be calling themselves fans of Lewis but will make his love ones go on private because of your delusional asses.

user FINALLY!!! Now, i just need the announcement that they broke up. it doesn't need to be today, tomorrow, or next week i just need it to happen.

user girl... are you sick? user no you guys are cause that girl was obviously using lewis and his money for her own gains user you guys literally bullied the poor girl into hiding.

user i wonder what lewis have to say after all this... i'm deeply sadden by the suddent course of this, nothing like i expected.

user so this is the reason she hasn;t been posting lately... hoping she'll come back when she's ready, i'll miss seeing her posts with lewis they're adorable.

[just-b-wilde]

The Umbrella Academy: the concept of second love, finding yourself, a little controversy and loss

I've noticed a very similar concept recurring with characters in TUA, and I'd like to break it down for each character individually. I'll take them by their numbers.

#1 Luther

First Love: Allison

Controversial relationship (adopted siblings)

Partially unrequited love - he was never as important to Allison as she is to him + later manipulates him (a sign of toxicity)

Still, she's very important in the development of his story and they have some nice moments and she's important to his character development, though mostly it's about him agonizing over his love for her (he falls for Sloane all the more quickly in my opinion, as he thirsts for true love)

Second Love: Sloane

Romantic relationship, despite the obstacles their feelings for each other are very pure and they have some very cute scenes together

Luther has found in her someone who understands and accepts him for who he is

Found and lost thanks to the time jump (reboot)

#2 Diego

First Love: Eudora

Ex-partner

Partial cooperation

Tragic loss: Eudora's death - partially helps his character development

Second love: Lila

From his point of view, an initially casual yet intense relationship

Controversy: Their relationship is built on Lila's lies and manipulation (she was interested in him because it was her mission, kidnaps him to the Commission and later lies to him about "their son")

Even though they are later married and have three children together, their marriage is dysfunctional

Relationship loss: Lila wants a break because she is unsure about their marriage, later falls in love with Five

#3 Allison

First Love: Luther

(Yes, it's probably appropriate to mention Patrick, but he was never really in the plot, so I won't mention him even though they were married and had a daughter together.)

More of a childhood crush

She valued him most when she didn't have anyone else around

(See Luther's points)

Second love: Raymond

Her true love

He knew the truth about her and accepted her

Found and lost thanks to the time jump

#4 Klaus

First "love": Alcohol and drug addiction

An unexpected and controversial choice? Perhaps, but this "love" was very devastating and made Klaus do many crazy things

His eternal affairs can't be considered love.

Second love: Dave

The only man Klaus loved more than himself (his words)

Found and lost thanks to the time jump

Klaus got rid of his addiction thanks to him (which then came back thanks to him, but he was definitely able to help him from his "toxic love")

#5 Five

First Love: Dolores

His fantasy created through loneliness and trauma

She helped him through his years in a post-apocalyptic world

Despite not being a "healthy relationship" it had a place in Five's story and was important to his development (among other things, it foreshadowed how sensitive Five could be when he fell in love)

Second Love: Lila

His first true love

Lila was the only one who ever truly understood him and understood what he was going through + he had the happiest moments of his life with her (finally)

Controversy: she was still his brother's wife at the time, yet we know that, given the circumstances, she hadn't been with Diego for years (and wanted a break before that)

Love found through being lost in time and "lost" through going back in time

Tragic ending: erased from existence

#6 Ben

First love: Jill

One-sided crush (Jill didn't really know Ben existed)

He had partially distorted ideas about her

Jill reminds me partly of Dolores, since Ben as a ghost had very limited options

Second Love: Jennifer

A fateful yet devastating love

Feelings affected by other circumstances (Marigold and Durango)

Tragic ending: death

#7 Vanya/Victor

First "love": Leonard

A relationship built on a foundation of manipulation and lies

Yet Vanya herself mentioned the feelings she had for him, even if they were based on lies

Killed by Vanya, part of the reason for the apocalypse

Second Love: Sissy

Her/his true love

Controversy: A married woman with a family

Found and lost thanks to the time jump

Part of the reason for the apocalypse (Harlen)

#8 Lila

First Love: Diego

Their relationship had a very toxic foundation, from my perspective it was also based on Lila's rebellion against The Handler

An intense relationship, especially sexual

Their relationship gave her the family she wanted

See Diego's points

Second Love: Five

A romantic relationship

A collaborative partnership

Controversy: the killing of her family (who later live again)

Concept: enemies to lovers

See Five's points

It is very interesting from my point of view that their relationships often have common points. Usually the first loves carry a trace of a certain toxicity and only the second love is the real one (though this point is slightly moot with Diego, as his healthier relationship was definitely with Eudora and Ben wasn't entirely lucky in that regard either).

Also, they all found their loves based on the time jump and also lost them based on another time event. Death is also a very common part of the story.

I also find it interesting that most, for the sake of their relationships, opposed their family (in various forms) no matter what it brought - everyone would be very selfish for their happiness.

What do you think about this?

[essycogany]

Rare But Not So Rare Sonic Moments

Flaws

This may get controversial.

I welcome anyone else’s view point on this topic. If you don’t agree I’m okay with that. Just because I have a different perspective doesn’t make what I think right or wrong. You don’t have to change your mind. Whatever your opinion is, I respect it. Besides, it’s fun to have different views on something we both love. It gives us a way to see different sides of the coin.

Disclaimer: I’m a person who didn’t grow up with this franchise and only recently got into in early 2022. I have no biases towards any version of this character. Making my opinions about his characterizations mixed.

By the way, I’ll only use Sonic games as examples (for the most part) because this analysis would be too long if I talked about other medias.

In short. Most of his flaws do stir into different medias as well. To be honest, Sonic’s other variants aren’t as different as some may think, but that’s my hot take.

Times The Blue Blur Messed Up

Riders: Sonic lunched Amy along with Eggman into the air with his wind abilities. While knowing Amy’s safety would be at risk. Then left her. Which was the reason she was so angry and aggressive afterwards. He didn’t ever apologize either.

06: Exchanged a chaos emerald for Elise even after Tails warned Sonic not to.

Unleashed: Was distracted by taunting Eggman.

Sonic: “Well, this is new. Showing remorse Eggman? If you played nice, I wouldn’t have to break all your toys.”

Then became the Werehog. All because he wanted to boost his ego.

Secret Rings: Shahra used Sonic to collect the world rings for Erazar Djinn. Even though it should’ve been expected because she said, “They use to work together.” Ended up not being true.

Black Night: Was tricked into helping Merlina who wanted to create a world that would last forever.

Lost World: Tails once again tried to warn Mr.Impatient about the conch in Eggman’s hand, but kicked it anyways. Then warned Sonic about another trap, he didn’t listen, ended up getting the fox captured instead.

Frontiers: Accidentally helped free The End despite Knuckles and Sage’s suspensions. If his friends, Eggman, and Sage didn’t help him…..Well, it’s in the villain's name.

Side Note: In Secret Rings, Black night, and Frontiers Sonic was rude at points.

Sonic Sassiness

Sonic Sassiness Part 2

Sonic’s Overall Flaws/Mistakes

Some may be from his general characterizations throughout his history.

Sonic rushes into things without a second thought. (Impulsiveness) Sonic can be too reckless, brash, or not take situations seriously.

He’s impatient. (Which was his core trait since his idle animation in Sonic 1)

He doesn’t listen to his friends warnings. Sonic can be too cocky at the wrong moments. He causes or contributes to world ending consequences. The blue blur can also be too trusting and naive.

Sonic doesn’t worry about his own physical or mental state and internalizes his emotions. He isn’t able to express himself very well. Therefore doesn’t put the right words together when speaking sometimes.

Sonic can be stubborn and a bit of a jerk.

Sage: “You are short tempered and short sided.”

And that’s about it. If I missed anything, feel free to let me know.

My Thoughts

A few of these can be seen as Sonic’s strength and weaknesses. Like his willingness to harm himself if it means to save his friends.

The reason Sonic never learns from his mistakes in the games is because he gets away with them. Which is not a good or bad thing per say. (Besides Sonic Riders. There’s no excuse for that.)

The stories never really given him an arc. But I don’t think Sonic’s a perfect or flawless character. If the examples I’ve shown are evidence of anything.

I’d say he’s static, but not consistently. Most static characters I’ve seen rarely stays static anyways.

I also don’t believe Sonic himself thinks he’s perfect. Sonic probably thinks he doesn’t have to change because he’s so sure he should be able to manage things without issue. Everything does eventually go his way. Why should he change?

I do understand Sonic influences people, but why can’t there be a balance? It’s been done plenty of times with other characters. In books, movies, and tv shows. Animated and live-action.

Movie!Sonic in Sonic 2 inspired both Knuckles and Tails. Helping them better themselves with advice and encouragement. While also going through his own arc of growing up and being responsible.

Tails:“You’ve inspired me. To leave my village. To find you and help you on your mission.”

Despite him learning how to slow down and plan things out, Prime!Sonic also inspires the different variants of his friends. Thorn, Dread, and Nine. Helping them grow into becoming better people.

Even in Unleashed Sonic was at his most mature, but it was only after his cocky attitude got him into trouble. So, yes. Inspirational characters can have flaws.

I’ll just say this

Everyone has their own views on how Sonic should be characterized, drawn, played, voiced, animated, and showcase.

It’s fine if you don’t like a curtain interpretation of a character, but to say the character (Especially if they weren’t very consistent in the first place) isn’t acting like themselves now, it’s really hard to argue what self there is to come back to. Because even in the games there are so many different selves for these characters in their own canon universe. From Classic to Adventure, Unleashed, Colors, and Frontiers. (If that makes any sense)

It’s hard to find one place to be in because Sonic’s been in too many places at once. He shouldn’t be held down to one characterization if he’s already been all over the place from the beginning of his existence.

AKA Sonic’s first two shows ever. TAOSTH and SATAM. In both shows Sonic had flaws as well, but never learned from them. Which means he’s been like this from the start. Like everything else about this franchise, his personality is an ongoing experiment that’ll probably never be solved. And I kind of love that. Even if it can be stressful and has it’s own up’s and down’s

All of these unique stories from the games, comics, tv shows, and movies people grew up with are what made this franchise so popular. This is the main reason I became a Sonic fan. Because I learned so much about characterization from this franchise and how to love the different variations of its characters. Finding an appreciation for each of them.

Conclusion

Everyone’s opinions are valid at the end of the day. At least we all have a version of this character we can love and appreciate. Whether you agree or not I’m grateful you’ve made it all the way to the end. You’re a trooper!

Stay Creative! 💜

[bibuckaroo]

sooo… BI! BUCK!

i got to THE episode of all the controversial takes and i honestly think it was a well thought out episode. i’ve heard that this episode is from buck’s point of view and i felt like this episode was purposefully misleading and confusing, so i’m attributing that to the fact that buck himself is confused about what’s going on.

we get his scene with tommy in the beginning of the episode, showing that yeah, he might be interested in him, because why else would he go down to where he works to get a tour? (and i do believe he was attracted to him, 100%, but i also think that what may make him attracted to tommy is the similarities he sees with eddie, since he can’t even go an entire conversation without mentioning him) and then eddie arrives there and there’s a shift in the atmosphere immediately. also important to note, that buck talks about how he’s only dated people he’s met on calls and even mentions the whole first meeting with taylor and the helicopter and tommy himself says that never ends well because they’re always grateful at first, and like, correct me if i’m wrong but buck and tommy met on a call, and the gratefulness can come into play too, since tommy helped rescuing bobby and athena (yk, buck’s pseudo parents) and it’s not far off to say this since buck himself at the end of the episode refers to that and tommy helping them and whatever.

at first, watching the episode some scenes could be explained away with getting to be closer to tommy, him asking eddie incessantly about the vegas trip and wanting every last detail and even with chris, but by the scene in the gym is already pretty clear who he’s jealous of. he’s trying to get eddie’s attention so bad it makes him look stupid, he even orders a basketball to believe delivered to the fire station, for the sole purpose of getting a reaction and when he talks to maddie about this whole thing, he admits that he did all of this to get eddie’s attention and maddie scolds him, because this is not healthy for buck, his insecurities made him hurt someone he loves.

also, tommy was definitely interested in eddie, saw that wasn’t going to pay off, switched gears to buck, because saw how desperate he was (an adjective used on the show itself) and saw he was the easier one to score and even so, he expected buck to realize he was trying to get eddie’s attention.

now onto my boy eddie, he did not deserve this at all!! he said so himself he invited buck multiple times and buck always turned him down!! and then he made a new friend and got hurt in the process, honestly, i would be pissed actually!

finally, about tommy… bringing him back was a decision and i’m not saying that it was a good one, i do not like him, he left with a sour taste in my mouth and this episode did not put him in a better light for me. he was probably interested in eddie and probably knew he had a girlfriend and was trying to woo him anyway. then his whole talk with buck? about him wishing he was part of the 118 like that when he was one of the co-conspirators to make it a living hell before? nah, miss me with that! and nobody talks about it! pisses me off!! also, him saying “evan” was getting on my nerves, heard this was a deliberate choice and that the actor was not allowed to say “buck” which makes me think about the fact that only the people who truly know him call him “buck” and eddie and maddie only called him “evan” in moments they needed to get his attention.

i’m glad about bi!buck, don’t get me wrong, but i wish it was with someone who we liked from the start and would be good for him, i mean him and josh had more development than that!! but anyway, i’ll take my wins with my losses ig.

[helpallthenamesaretakensblog]

The Judo Flip Scene; The Scene that Divided the Percy Jackson Fandom: What Went Wrong?

Annabeth grabbed his wrist and flipped him over her shoulder. He slammed into the stone pavement. Romans cried out. Some surged forward, but Reyna shouted, “Hold! Stand down!”

Annabeth put her knee on Percy’s chest. She pushed her forearm against his throat. She didn’t care what the Romans thought. A white-hot lump of anger expanded in her chest—a tumor of worry and bitterness that she’d been carrying around since last autumn.

“If you ever leave me again,” she said, her eyes stinging, “I swear to all the gods—”

Percy had the nerve to laugh. Suddenly the lump of heated emotions melted inside Annabeth.

“Consider me warned,” Percy said. “I missed you, too.

-Mark of Athena

This scene is one of the, if not most, controversial scenes in the entirety of Rick Riordan's books. It has caused many fans to go deep into the morality of the scene--into the question of boundaries, whether it is just a good boundaries into Percy and Annabeth's relationships or just abusive behaviour. In this post, I will talk about my opinion on, 'What went wrong?'

First, let us dissect this scene, shall we? We have Annabeth, who has lost her only proof of permanence for six months. The guy she was dreading would die for five years before she thought they had their happy ending was suddenly snatched in a time where she thought life couldn't get any better. During this time;

she saw jason falling in love with piper and was stressed that percy would be doing the same without her

she was stressed percy would never even remember her.

she canonically spent hundreds and thousands of drachmas (and probably time too) on iris messaging every monster and god she could just so that she could find him

she spent a WHOLE lot of energy on this.

she was probably advised by people in camp to find another guy, probably got these comments regularly

she was also troubled by athena's roman form to find athena parthenos statue and ditch finding percy, which must have been hard to handle

she was in charge of helping build a WHOLE WAR SHIP

she was also in charge of rebuilding the home of the gods

And you know what? It makes sense that she would have all of these emotions buried inside her. It makes sense that she would be angry, stressed, and depressed and that she would bury all of this inside. "During their separation, something had happened to Annabeth’s feelings. They’d grown painfully intense—like she’d been forced to withdraw from a life-saving medication. Now she wasn’t sure which was more excruciating—living with that horrible absence, or being with him again" Yep, homegirl was going through some stuff.

Though we don't know what his thoughts were on his point of view, from the fact that he laughs and never brings it up later, we can conclude that Rick wanted us to know that he didn't care, and that these interactions are common between both of them, though one could argue that isn't really reliable.

So; Annabeth having an outburst of emotions is a completely normal reaction, judging the amount of things she has gone through, even though it isn't the right way to express her feelings. But, why is the judo flip scene actually bad? Why did it give even percabeth shippers the ick?

The Way Rick Wrote It: Rick treated the scene as if it was funny, Annabeth was such a girly girlboss who did it to keep Percy in his place. "I only judoflip my boyfriend". And people were mad. Mad that girls are portrayed to be girlbosses by making them violent. Mad that this violence was against a guy who was implied to be abused in his childhood.

My Argument: This scene was written in a time where media with violent comedy was popular among kids (tom and jerry, oggy and the cockroaches, i see you), and that it aged badly. Another important thing: a lot of the fandom also thought of it as percabeth's most romantic moments, and hyped it up so much, which contributes towards the whole ick of the scene.

My Argument: One thing to take into account was that the romans were really on guard when the greeks arrived. they were scared it was going to be an ambush. so when annabeth judoflips percy, their nerves took over. i fully believe the humor of 'i only judoflip my bf' was just their way of diffusing a potentially dangerous situation of misunderstanding.

But in the end I do agree, the way this was written was a major disservice to the feelings that Annabeth was experiencing that time. Rick failed to portray that scene as an exhausted traumatised teenager having an unhealthy outburst of emotions, which is what it really was. Instead, he tried to make it a funny type of scene, and the fandom carried it forward by hyping the scene up as if it was one of percabeth's most romantic moments, and even though the intentions were good, he failed to convey the meaning behind what they said properly.

So now that we've answered the question this post was made for, I'd like to end this post with a positive note. I'd like to point out that in cotg, there is no moment that annabeth physically hurted (hurted is too much of an overstatement) percy if you think about it, which shows that she has improved. If you want proof, I searched any time where Annabeth teased percy physically when he said something 'stupid' and what I found was 'nudged me with her toe' and 'lightly pinched me'. So, even though Rick messed up in writing that one scene more than ten years ago, it's safe to say he has improved.

****************************************************************

[sylvan-librarian]

In response to the (really good!) story for Murders at Karlov Manor, I've been seeing some (thankfully limited) discourse on the same old tired argument that Magic story has no stakes because characters can die and then come back to life as a ghost or get (seemingly permanently) turned into robot monsters and then get better eventually.

People can obviously feel what they feel and believe what they believe about Magic story, but personally, I'm just so tired of this argument. Magic story is largely a marriage of high fantasy and superhero comics. These two types of literature have much in common, but one similarity stands out in my mind: the impermanence of character death. Comic book superheroes famously won't stay dead, and while this fact has been controversial for decades, it is nonetheless a cornerstone of the genre. And hell, even in The Lord of Rings - the god-emperor and founding text of the entire fantasy genre (for better or worse) - Tolkien's wizard OC Gandalf dies and comes back to life STRONGER ... nigh invincibly powerful (if LotR was written today, people would call Gandalf [and probably Aragorn for that matter] a Mary Sue).

This not my attempt to shill for a corporation, mind you. In contrast, I'd rather see MORE people complaining about things worth complaining about:

The increasing price of the game gatekeeping so many from the hobby

Hasbro firing 1,000 employees right before Christmas

WotC sending hired thugs to someone's house over a mistake the company itself made

The focus on the collectability of cards over how they play

And I'm not even saying there aren't aspects of Magic story itself worth critiquing. To note:

The enjoyability of its prose is inconsistent at times (reread the Magic Origins stories, for example)

The messaging is sometimes off (i.e. - the worst bad guys in the entire universe are folks who use science to make their bodies more in line with their view of themselves)

The stories - especially the big epic ones - are rarely given time to breathe, and the authors are clearly asked to do a lot with very little

War of the Spark: Forsaken

Maybe asking people to have a more nuanced take on the storyline of a children's card game is too much, but I think that "story bad" is far too dismissive. I remember reading through the All Will Be One stories thinking: "Well, there is actually NO WAY WotC is going to kill off ALL of these characters that got phyrexianized." Jace and Ajani are literally two of the main characters of Magic; Nissa, Vraska, and Nahiri are maybe less popular and important to the overall setting, but they all nonetheless have their extremely devoted fans (me; I'm one of those fans; bet you can't guess of which 'walker). I find it a bit silly to assume that the mass permadeath of named characters would be how the Phyrexian arc would end. Modern Magic is just not the type of story where the creators will merc half of their cast just to appease certain sentiments about its literary value.

This post has turned into a lot of meandering nonsense, but here's what I'm largely trying to get across: I wish more people would accept Magic story for what it is, not for what they think it should be. I'm NOT saying people shouldn't have standards for their entertainment, but they also shouldn't expect Shakespeare* - or even Tolkien - from a story about wizard superheroes written to provide a backdrop for a children's card game.

*I also want to mention here: characters dying and then coming back is also present in Shakespeare.

[callmeklair]

How do you feel about Lost Eden? It feels like it's the most controversial game in the series.

Personally I think it did a lot of the characters dirty after all the progress they made in Dark Fate and it will never not make me sad how much of a bystander Yui is in it. Isn't she supposed to be the heroine 😭

same 😭! they ruined the whole character development that all the boys went through in just one game. it was so hard to read some routes especially how Yui was treated. when I started reading Reiji's route, the way he was so rude to her (not how he usually is) like she is just supposed to be a bystander???? most of the time it just felt like, they were like "I'll deal with this, you just need to stay behind me/ or stay in the dark"

another being Carla's route, the whole point of his DF character development and catching feelings were based on how he admired Yui's head on personality, braveness, not giving up, staying with him side by side and supporting him like an equal, but in LE he is like "you don't need to do anything and just stay behind me and enjoy my protection" like i understand that during some dangerous situations she needs to be protected but not letting her do anything and just be a supporting character 😭–

even Shin's character was downgraded, like he is so intelligent by the end of Carla's route but in his own route... he wasn't that bad in DF. yes he is impulsive, but still not dumb. at first I understood his point of view, as someone who was spoiled by his clan for the high status and having huge pride which was hurt because of losing an eye to only find out he isn't one (misunderstanding) especially how he looks up to his older brother, which he cannot anymore. I think one of the reasons why Shin wasn't able to act was because he remembers how Carla bowed his head down in front of the sub clan for him. but Yui was kept in dark here too, like 😭

there are more things, but LE is the only game whose routes I have read a long time ago and also either half or only once, so i cannot say everything about each character.

yup in other words, LE was messed up, this is also one of the reasons why it's hard for me to accept canon facts based on LE. idk what got into them, but LE went down horribly, that's why I think CL was made making Kino still a new character to be introduced. CL was way better than LE.

[amber-jinx]

A bit of a controversial question

Who do you think Chloe was in love with more, Max or Rachel? And what do you like/dislike about Amberprice and Pricefield?

Boy, been so busy I left this sitting in my inbox, oops!

This is indeed controversial cuz at the end of the day we won't be completely sure of either of the ships' dynamics unless we are Chloe herself, so it's all up for people's interpretations. (*whispers* therefore I hope we can all be sensible here)

Personally I don't think love could be measured in a way, like you could be head over heels for someone you've met for only over a month, and we can't exactly say that is more or less than a long-term friendship. I think even Chloe might not be able to choose one. I view Pricefield as a deep friendship, as with Ashly Birch's take; And AmberPrice as more of a romantic dynamic, even though they weren't official girlfriends.

If we refer to the intensity and passion of Chloe's love, due to the state of her life she was in when she got closer to Rachel and the AmberPrice dynamic, I'd say it's definitely more than Pricefield. With regards to how long-lasting it is however, we see that Chloe never forgot about Max even after not getting a response from her for 5 years; this is the kind of enduring love that friendships (which I personally appreciate a lot for) usually have -- is more prominent in Pricefield. These are not mutually exclusive and so all the infighting is really unnecessary haha, why not AmberPriceField! They're both what Chloe needs in her life ^^

I got into Amberprice because of the amount of chemistry they have, the mutual attraction they have towards each other and how they always have each others' back despite being in darkness themselves -- they're each other's angel and it's definitely touching. Sharing clothes and stuff freely and crashing each others' places? Cute. Mentioning the other around other friends often? Hella cute! There are also multiple elements of surprise, like you'd think a rebel like Chloe wouldn't care for a perfect student like Rachel, who instead turned out to have a wild side, and Chloe turned out to be a softie on the inside. Stuff like these makes their chemistry much better than generic straight relationships I've seen in the media growing up. And the fact that Chloe still held the belief that Rachel wouldn't leave without her after all that she's gone through, definitely says something. Rachel was very genuine with leaving town together. Also true love on this end.

On the other side of the coin though, I really wished they had communicated better, the both of them. (It's a pity they were too young and without guidance to navigate all these) Yes Rachel I know you care about Chloe's feelings and wanna protect her, but being honest and open can go a long way. Chloe could've better regulated her emotions and how she comes across, such that she'd not come off as pushy or react as negatively e.g. give Rachel "the stinkeye"; if they worked on themselves and are actually allowed to improve, a healthier relationship would've blossomed. I also felt like there wasn't anything holding them back from them doing overboard with doing wild things together, like drugs and weed. They kinda spur each other on without the voice of reason or given the chance to mature after getting out of arcadia.

These AP shots come from Life is Strange: Rachel's story "the diner" ep, which gave me new insights on some of the nuances that could've been present in their dynamics. Pretty well-made given its constraints!

As always I can't say too much about Pricefield cuz I've not seen all their interactions, so I can only make individual comments. Take them with a pinch of salt!

On the good side Chloe's enduring love is always impressive, like remembering Max's birthday after all those years and immediately gifting her William's camera and taking her back. Moments where she emoted and expressed her appreciation with Max felt really genuine and I like how she's really supportive of Max, lifting the latter's confidence when Max was insecure, not to mention standing up for her in front of Nathan, David, Joyce etc. Very wholesome. On the other hand Chloe could've better nuance the manners of her speech, especially when she's angry -- Max is helping her so much after just reconnecting her for 5 years, it's not really an obligation and so I think she could've held back on some of her words at Max, which still comes down to emotional regulation, but I also understand that she was going through really tough times. I also didn't particularly like how she'd only change her wallpaper to Max after Max followed her wishes, even though that's not super abnormal for an 18 yo.

Max the sweetheart is honestly endearing when she doesn't hold back on positive words for Chloe, and when Chloe's off-balance she'd also be able to provide the voice of reason to put them on the right path. It's giving secure attachment style-- except the bad texter part. I just wish she'd stand up to Chloe a little more to avoid getting them into even more trouble, but that's just a personal take. My main issue with Max is her not writing to Chloe as much in those 5 years, but friends grow apart and it's only natural. As with DE, we'd have to take into the account of survivor's guilt and that nothing last forever, so if they ever separate, it is also understandable and inevitable in life.

The OG did a good job on developing Max and Chloe's bond, and it makes sense why so many ship Pricefield, which I'm not against :) hope my slightly rushed response has answered your question pal! And as always, thank you for asking <3

[sageandred]

This is a bit long, but my thoughts on Carlos/Season 5:

Gonna say something controversial, but Carlos' storyline has been foreseeable for a long long time now and the show has been laying the groundwork as early as season 1.

Carlos being a ranger and "following in his dad's footsteps" has been hinted at since the first season, and definitely in the works since his investigative journeys with Grace and the missing girl when his boss tells him he should take the Detective Exam. This isn't surprising. Carlos in "Bad Call" was shown to have good instincts and his dad couldn't admit to it (for protocol reasons), but they were shown at a point of contention for their differing work tactics and disagreeing on the kidnapping case with TK. And maybe Carlos "never wanted to be a ranger" and this goes against his beliefs — I get it, but I've always viewed it as he was scared and becoming a detective was inevitable. The moral compass of the Texas Ranger angle and his dad having potentially corrupt actions on his record is interesting and will definitely be a point they address for Carlos either going down a bad path or being conflicted within his rank.

I've had thoughts on this relating to a different topic, but there's a lot of storytelling they could do with Carlos taking on the same title as Gabriel. Could Carlos struggle in this position either with corruption and tough decisions or because following his dad ends up being "too big of shoes to fill"? Could he become so obsessed with the investigation that he loses himself completely and his morals along the way before he pulls himself back? Will Carlos' career upgrade actually make him an even better "officer" and be more fitting of a job calling for him where he challenges the history of the job and sticks to his belief system? This is obviously a connection to Gabriel and his motivations for doing it will come out upon the premiere, but he still has the opportunity to make his own path if he sticks with the title by the end of the season.

Another controversial take, I need to get off my chest: Gabriel and Gwyn's deaths were necessary and narratively vital to progress the characters Here's the thing with Gabriel: he and Carlos did not have a good relationship; they were on the path to mending (..kind-of), but they didn't see eye-to-eye and Carlos' hurt from his coming out was/is still present. I don't really see how they could keep him alive without sacrificing some of the deeper exploration into Carlos' progression and insight to his character. They already set-up the "Carlos, you and dad got along so well" narrative that he doesn't remember via his sisters.. This is important. I've always seen Carlos as viewing Gabriel as a strict father and (with 4x18's knowledge), he didn't fair well as the only son (who's also gay). Carlos is going to have to revisit some childhood memories and the memory of his dad and I don't think he would ever come to some conclusions without the death. Tbh, some mending and epiphanies only come in grief and Carlos realistically probably would never feel close with his dad the way he should've or have untainted views re: his upbringing without the event happening. He will probably feel closer to his dad and come to see Gabriel's personal perspectives & truths more than he ever has, if I'm right about the storytelling.

Lastly, I wanna talk about tarlos and their differing inputs on kids, or uncertainty for the future. I think it's cool that Carlos is shown to lean towards not wanting and they settle to desiring to be together in their own way in the end. If Carlos never has a definitive desire.. cool! I think they'll be fine and the story will be an uncommon on-screen representation of where it works out. However, as someone who's more leaning towards not wanting kids, I don't really think that's Carlos based on what he's said. It seems to me, Carlos has concerns about being a father AND being like his father that hinder him from feeling comfortable about this (no hate to Gabriel; again I think Carlos' experience of growing up conflicts to Gabriel's perception of being a parent and how others' viewed them together). The fact that the kids conversation happens in season 4 means the writers knew they were going to kill Gabriel off at the end of the season and were well on their way to setting up the story they're trying to tell for the audience. I know if Carlos grows fond of parenting or he has a new conversation with TK about his thoughts, there are going to be some people that say he "changed his mind" when the story is laid out evidently from where I'm watching.

Stories are set up with purposes that have beginnings, middle, and ends that you can usually tell where they're going once you make it so far in the journey. And you can predict this with every well-known character that I even just implied yesterday that Wyatt would struggle as a dispatcher, because that makes sense narratively (with what we've seen from him in the past), and when Grace is absent, he's the only option that makes sense to take her position rather than someone random (from a show-development point of view).

[swordfright]

What do you think is your most controversial dsmp take?

I got this ask a while ago and I've been wracking my brains trying to come up with something, but honestly...I don't think I really have many hot takes? At least, not ones that I'd consider controversial. Most of my controversial takes are about fanon/how the fandom interacts with the source material, which I assume isn't what you're looking for (but BOY DO I HAVE A LOT OF THOSE.) I also have likes and dislikes when it comes to duos and shipping stuff, but that's subjective obviously and more opinion than lore interpretation.

I guess if you put a gun to my head, I might say these are my most controversial Actual Lore Takes, but they're not all that interesting imo:

The experiments in the revival lab happened AFTER c!Dream's incarceration, not before it. My understanding is that most people interpret that sequence as occurring prior to the incarceration because...why would c!Dream let himself be locked up, relying on his knowledge of the book to be his life insurance, if he hadn't tested the damn thing out yet?! This logic tracks, but I think you could also flip it to argue the opposite: that he also could have conceivably waited to fully test the book until after escaping. During the run-up to the Disc Finale, c!Dream was incredibly busy with the fallout from Dethronement + Exile + Manburg related stuff etc, as well as busy preparing for the confrontation with c!Clingys, plus arranging the staged finale with Punz. The guy was busy as hell and he was also like...still kinda in the midst of a manic episode. Also, keep in mind that while the book was his life insurance for the finale and its immediate aftermath, he had no idea that c!Sam was going to betray him. Considering all that, I don't think it's inconceivable that c!Dream may not have had time to thoroughly test the limits of the revive book beforehand, and he likely didn't realize quite how vital his knowledge of revival would become during his incarceration period. So yeah. I'm open to either interpretation, but I am partial to the possibility that the Vikk and Lazar necromancy montage happened after the prison era. And the exact date/location of the lab are never specified either, which makes me even more open to the post-prison necromancy option. Not a hill I'd be willing to die on, but a hill I like to sit on and admire the view from.

End of Las Nevadas is the weakest stream of the Las Nevadas series. I found it narratively unsatisfying, and not in a clever way. I don't hate that stream, I think it had some really interesting moments, but overall I'd say its messaging was convoluted and the tension was pretty poorly mismanaged. I'd be willing to go on about this if you want, but I think a lot of other folks have probably already articulated it better than I can. Oh, I'll add that I also have complicated thoughts about c!Slime as a character. Don't hate him, don't love him...but I am puzzled about the role he was presumably meant to play in the story vs. the role he actually ends up playing. I could go on about this in detail but it's late and I'm sleepy.

c!Quackity has very simple goals and motives, but his pursuit of those goals is oftentimes way more convoluted than necessary, which ends up making him read as a more complex and dynamic character than he really is (I like this btw!) Another way to put it would be that Q is not a terribly complex character in terms of motivations and ambitions (dr3 has rly good meta on this btw), but he does tend to needlessly complicate his own life and the lives of the people around him in pursuit of simple goals. I think one of his big failings is that he sees violence as an easy solution to his problems but in reality it just creates more problems for him. It's like he keeps failing some sort of foresight check, over and over again. Take the formation of Las Nevadas, for instance. Most of the country's members were intimidated/threatened into joining, not because they're people Q particularly wants to hang around with, but because they're people Q sees as either strong (i.e. they are capable of contributing to LN) or directionless (i.e. they're in need of an owner a leader.) Quackity doesn't really forge alliances, he just...buys people, basically? And then he's shocked when this backfires. His relationship with Purpled is the most obvious example of this, but also LN as a whole: in LN5 (?), Quackity's angry and offended and hurt that only a tiny handful of people show up to the opening ceremony, even though by all accounts the reason the turn-out isn't bigger is because the server has by this point become a chaotic and violent place where anything can happen to anyone for any reason and most inhabitants feel safer sticking to their own turf...and that atmosphere of chaos and violence is something Q has ostensibly contributed to, even before Pandora. c!Quackity creates a country that no one is truly loyal to, inhabited by people who are closer to employees than allies...and then his solution, when he realizes nobody really gives a shit, isn't to try recruiting people in a more equitable way, it's to bioengineer a slime army. That is insane. That is an insane way to solve your problems. In no way is bioengineering a slime army a normal or well-adjusted solution to any conceivable problem. This is what I mean when I say he's a relatively uncomplicated character who complicates everything - he's constantly jumping through hoops of fire to avoid changing his behavior and taking any kind of accountability whatsoever.

I have tons more takes but they're mostly about silly subjective stuff and/or fanon, so I'll leave that for another day if anyone's interested.

[sirfrogsworth]

The Pretty Average Trump Trauma

I really picked the wrong week to have a controversial post go viral.

The appeal deadline for my disability case is very soon and we just recently got the last of the medical records. My lawyer can get very busy and hard to reach. And I have been freaking out trying to get a hold of him to make sure everything is ready to be submitted. Thankfully he just emailed and said everything is on track and will be sent in for the appeal.

But having this weighing on me behind the scenes while also dealing with the blowback from my "vote for Biden" post caused me to enter into some unhealthy arguments and lose my temper on several occasions.

I didn't actually think about what would happen if that post went viral. Sometimes I write things and a hundred people see it, and it serves as a catharsis because I was able to get my thoughts and fears out of my brain.

And sometimes it gets reblogged 6000 times and I can forget I have a platform where that happens from time to time.

I wish I had written a better initial post. I think my thoughts in subsequent posts, along with the inclusion of what I think is a better strategy, would have gone a long way to help people understand my point of view. Looking back, that original post feels incomplete.

The post that ended up going viral was not inspired by reason or logic and it was never really meant to convince anyone of anything.

I thought I was preaching to the choir.

It was a representation of my fears. It was the result of two years of panic and trauma from the pandemic which ended in my mother's horrible death.

Let me explain...

On November 9th, Shaun, a YouTuber I respect, posted this.

And it scared the hell out of me.

A very popular leftist with a huge platform wrote this to 5 million people and I freaked out.

Shaun wasn't necessarily saying not to vote for Biden at the time. But he thinks people should all say they won't vote for him unless he calls for a ceasefire. I get the strategy. But I feared that nuance would be lost on many people and they would only see it as "don't vote for Biden... no matter what." Which was an accurate prediction on my part. The guy from Eve 6 has been going nuance-free for weeks now.

The one thing I greatly disagree with Shaun about is this...

Before the pandemic, I might have understood his argument. For the first two years, Trump was mostly an ineffectual goof. He had trouble getting a lot of his worst ideas to manifest. Most of the border wall he built ended up being repairs of existing barriers. And Obama droned civilians and kept kids in cages too—though Trump kept them in cages indefinitely and made up a rule that we can't actually know how many civilians he was droning.

So, a lot of the same, but turned up to 11.

But nothing about the pandemic response was pretty average.

There is something I have been choosing not to say during all of these discussions. I felt like saying it would be poor timing. I was worried people wouldn't actually agree with me. I worried it would make people think I was turning suffering into a competition. I didn't want to make it look like I valued certain lives over others. But then people accused me of all of that anyway. I was called evil and a collaborator and a supporter of genocide.

So I'm going to talk about it. Because the fact that few have mentioned it in these discussions has been bothering me. And the fact that the majority of society does not mention it makes me feel very alone in this belief.

I have long believed Trump and the majority of US conservatives committed a genocide of the disabled and elderly. I was never really comfortable calling it that word. I wasn't really sure how a genocide got classified as such. So I would just say things like, "40% of people who died during COVID should still be alive" and "Trump is responsible for hundreds of thousands of COVID deaths" and "Trump killed my mom" and hoping people would make the connection or at least see it as mass murder. I mean, this country judges everything by how many "9/11s" something is, but not the pandemic?

Donald Trump was the leader of the Republican party. When he refused to wear a mask due to vanity, his followers looked for something to excuse him. And I feel that directly birthed the "masks don't work" movement among conservatives. Donald Trump, having enormous influence among his acolytes, refused to correct this dangerous rhetoric. And he probably welcomed the cover so he could continue going maskless and not smear his makeup—even after he nearly died.

It is my belief this was the beginning of a genocide of apathy, deliberate and accidental incompetence, and non-compliance. And the reason for that non-compliance was not freedom as many claimed.

Conservatives did not like being inconvenienced.

They didn't like having to consider others.

And if competence requires effort and vigilance, they'd prefer doing the bare minimum.

Trump was famous for not filling vital administrative positions in the executive branch. Not only that, his turnover rate was 5 times higher than previous administrations. People were asked to do the job of several people because they didn't staff properly, and so those people quit. Thus creating a cycle of inexperienced new-hires that were out of their depth and asked to do much more than they bargained for. There is no way they could succeed in their jobs.

I think people forget that part of the role of the executive is the day-to-day boring administrative shit that is required to run a country. And when this day-to-day work isn't valued, it creates a crisis of incompetence. Which then creates things like not enough tests, not enough testing, Trump saying "if you don't test, it doesn't count", botched vaccine rollouts, rampant misinformation, poor education of the populace, and abysmal improvised press conferences where the President does a quick riff on injecting bleach.

This competence aspect is one of the hugest reliefs I had with the Biden administration. Not Biden. Not his policies. I'm talking about the regular workers getting shit done. This is the reason I am desperate to get my shit worked out with Social Security before the election. I once called Social Security during the pandemic and I literally got a recording saying to try calling back the next month.

Trump didn't care. People criticized him for not hiring people. He was aware of the problem. He just did nothing about it. And many conservatives praised him for "trimming the fat" or whatever. This idea that all of these government workers were useless burdens on the taxpayer fell apart during the pandemic.

There is incompetence caused by ignorance but it can also be a deliberate act. Trump was extraordinary in all forms of incompetence. He wasn't qualified to manage a pandemic. But he could have easily appointed experts and then gotten out of the way. But his narcissism would not let him cede power to anyone. He has always been convinced "only Trump can save you" and so his ego helped kill nearly half a million people.

Once the incompetence ball got rolling, that's when malicious apathy reared its ugly head. It was time to choose who they cared least about dying—who they felt was most useless. Conservatives decided it was time to devalue lives and start making sacrifices to save politicians' money laundering fronts small businesses.

Popular conservatives were going on TV and saying it was okay if Grandma died. It would be a worthy sacrifice to protect our freedoms.

The Lt. Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick, basically offered up the elderly for sacrifice all while claiming that he spoke for them and was also willing to die. Though I don't take his personal willingness very seriously, since he has the money and resources to get the best medical care and probably had no expectation he was in any danger.

“No one reached out to me and said, ‘As a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?’ But if they had? If that is the exchange, I’m all in. So my message is let’s get back to work. Those of us who are 70-plus, we’ll take care of ourselves.”

But you cannot just sacrifice the elderly. You may justify it by saying they have lived a long life, but many of the same health risks were shared by the disabled. Many of whom still had normal lifespans, but just needed extra care and protection.

There are countless elderly who cannot "take care of themselves" but they are still of value to our society. They are still loved. They watch and teach their grandchildren. They are the keepers of the family stories. They bake cookies and give you two dollar bills. They have random bowls of butterscotch all throughout their house.

But some need help. Some are sick. Some can't drive. Some can't walk. I guarantee not all of them were prepared to die for the cause.

And none deserved to die for a sports bar.

Oh, didn't I mention?

Dan Patrick owned a chain of sports bars that were losing money from the lockdowns. Did you really think he was sacrificing old folks "for the children"?

Thankfully Dan's sports bars are gonna be okay. He ended up receiving a $179,000 PPP loan... that was forgiven.

Then they started saying COVID deaths weren't COVID deaths.

"Well, they had a bad heart." "They were obese." "They had cancer."

They dropped the elderly excuse and began to openly devalue the disabled as well. If you were sick, what good were you? They considered us the next sacrifices for their convenience. If we wanted to survive, we shouldn't have gotten sick. It didn't matter that we could survive for years or even have a normal lifespan as long as we were protected by our communities.

And then began the non-compliance.

Trump's followers ignored masks and lockdowns and eventually vaccines. They were unwilling to protect the vulnerable and so many of us just... died.

Again, 40% of the US COVID deaths could have been prevented. Hundreds of thousands of people should still be here. Malicious apathy, incompetence, and non-compliance were the direct cause of this genocide.

The United Nations Genocide Convention identified 5 acts that typically constitute genocide. Only one act is required and in the pandemic 3 of the 5 acts happened.

Killing members of a group. Causing members of a group serious bodily harm. Imposing living conditions on that group that would destroy them.

I'm looking at that third one just now and realizing why we have advocates to remind us of vulnerable groups that need protection. I was thinking about how the elderly and disabled were trapped in hyper-contagious nursing homes and care facilities, but I completely forgot about prisons and the concentration camps at the borders.

I am not trying to diminish the awful things happening in Palestine right now. This is not a comparison of suffering—but a reminder. When a current terrible thing is happening, it can be hard to focus on anything else. But I do wish more people recognized what happened as a genocide and that the leader of that genocide, the one with the power to stop it, was Donald Trump. If we are going to base this voting decision entirely on acts of genocide, why is this not part of the consideration?

It is an awful moral calculus we have to figure out. One president is supporting and asking for funding for a genocide and I feel the other was the direct cause of another genocide. That's why I said both choices sucked. And the only way I could resolve this moral calculation was by asking what path would cause the least harm for everyone involved.

And the most disappointing aspect of all of these debates was the ableism. People told me if Trump was elected and I lost my benefits I should grow my own food and learn about medicine. They said I valued disabled lives above those in Gaza. They told me to imagine myself in Nazi Germany as a collaborator despite the fact I would have been euthanized.

But I felt like they weren't considering the disabled at all.

I am a disability advocate. So of course I am going to remind people to consider us in their voting decisions. But I'm tired of hearing I value lives differently just because I speak on behalf of a vulnerable group more often. I'm tired of continually having to justify my existence. And I'm tired of people dismissing the very real trauma caused by Trump.

It was not pretty average.

I'd like to tell you the full story of my mother's passing. All of the details. Even the ones I can't bear to type. But this isn't just my story. This is the story of countless others who had to watch their loved ones slowly die behind glass or over the phone or on an iPad.

I spent two years in constant anxiety trying to protect my two very sick parents. It was always assumed that my father was the most at risk. And that he was probably going to die long before my mother. But she had started a treatment for her psoriatic arthritis that turned the volume down on her immune system. Something that would normally not be a huge risk... but a pandemic changed that. A vaccine needs a functioning immune system to protect someone.

She could either accept the agony of stopping treatment or risk getting COVID. If people would have been willing to protect her, it would have been an easier choice. And she would still be around today. And I wouldn't have to worry about being homeless right now.

I don't know for sure when she was infected. I kept her inside as much as possible. But she needed those treatments and we had to pile into a crowded waiting room every time. And I remember a man in his fifties who seemed preoccupied with having to wear a mask. And when he thought no one was looking, he'd pull it down below his nose. A few days later she was being taken away in an ambulance.

A few weeks before my mother died, she called me on the phone. She was heavily medicated and they had two different breathing devices assisting her. The nurse was holding the phone up to her ear and she was trying to speak over the volume of the air rushing into her face from the masks. I could not hear her no matter how loud she yelled. So she asked the nurse to take the masks off for just a second so we could talk.

Her only concern was for my father. We all contracted COVID and she was so worried he would end up just like her. Thankfully the vaccine worked for him and he was okay at that moment. But she kept yelling, "Is Dad okay? Is Dad okay?" And I kept trying to tell her he was fine, but she was hard of hearing and the phone could not be held very close to her ear.

Unfortunately, the yelling made it harder and harder for her to breathe. She started gasping for air. The nurse kept insisting she put the breathing equipment back on, but my mom refused. "I want to talk to my son! I need to talk to my son!"

I knew there wasn't much we could do to communicate. And so I kept trying to yell "I love you, Mom. Everyone is fine. I love you!" I then asked the nurse to tell her that. And when she finally understood what I was saying, she burst into tears.

Her oxygen levels were getting dangerously low and she was fighting the nurse. And she just yelled out, "I'm so scared! I think I'm going to die! Tell Dad I'm sorry I can't take care of him! I don't want to die!" She kept repeating that over and over. The nurse had no choice and had to put the masks back on. My mom screamed and shouted "No! Please no! That's my son!"

And those were the last words I ever heard from my mother.

Gasping for air. Scared of dying. Worried about her family.

This moment has intrusively popped into my brain on a regular basis since it happened. It happens when I'm awake. It happens in my dreams. I have no control over it. I just have to keep experiencing it like it is happening for the first time.

After I saw that tweet from Shaun and then many others expressing the same thing (without the strategic aspect), my dread and trauma resurfaced with a vengeance. I've been reliving my mom's final words in my dreams. That moment keeps popping into my head. I feared the man I feel is most responsible for my mother's death may regain power and kill me and the last of the family I have left.

I keep asking myself the same questions over and over. What if there is another public health emergency? What happens to my trans friends if he turns the US into Florida and Texas? What will happen to the migrants at the border?

All I have is my two best friends. Katrina is gay and Delling is trans and disabled. All of us are vulnerable.

I wrote that post to help deal with the nightmares. Writing is part of my coping process. I didn't really expect it to go super viral. I just needed to get that out of my brain. But when people pushed back and started calling me evil and a collaborator and that I was valuing my life above those in Palestine, all with a huge heap of ableism, I found myself unable to let it go and not respond. I couldn't choose the healthy thing and step away.

While I feel I made some good arguments and put forth some solid ideas for other ways to handle this, I also got angry and lost my temper and stayed in arguments for way too long—all to my mental detriment.

My little world felt like it was collapsing and the world at large also felt like it was collapsing. I had personal horrors in my mind mixing with the horrors of this global conflict.

It was too much.

I don't regret what I posted. Many felt the same as I do. And I think my subsequent posts did a good job of expanding on my thoughts while also offering hope for alternate solutions.

But I do regret the timing and I wish I hadn't lost my temper. Especially in a reply I left with a lot of cussing.

People might disagree but I am hoping that people can understand the fear and trauma that influences my point of view.

I am actually willing to risk quite a lot to protect other people. Even people in faraway lands I don't know.

But I refuse to offer up the vulnerable to be sacrificed if it won't actually help anyone. That's what a Texas Lt. Governor would do.

[satellite-sims]

Heya, it's time to present the final version of my beloved Antje. I worked on her since late 2019. It was the very beginning of my new era lol. I started writing Deep End where she have the support role and she should have look exactly the same as her real prototype. That's the goal. I had to admit - her face wasn't that easy to recreate. (Like Adrien's too). But i did my best to get even more resemblance by making a low-effort skinblend and it came out super gorgeous! I'm gonna show you results in the details. Pictures are slightly edited and taken with reshade.

Let's get started.

1. Portrait Zone

The first thing that triggered me in her face is her dark and "muddy" cheekbones. It was the skintone and the blush itself fault. Skintone have multiple colors on the face (some zones are yellow and some are pale & bluish) and it was disturbing to constantly remove this effect on portraits. Now this problem solved! Her face now have smooth colors with warm pink/peach undertones (which i usually remove to get the "porcelain" skin) and smooth cheekbone line. The other important part that may be not really visible is that her neck got shorter to fit the resemblance.

2. Face Proportions

When it gets to the skintone changing - sims may lose some details that makes them resembling. It does happened to Antje but it wasn't that terrible, because i blended some parts of her previous skin (Ephemera's Fresh) and the newest one (Simpicient's Tranquility) I blended eyelids, nose and lips to save the definition. I've added a cheekbone definition to make colors smoothly looking (makeup part not really worked with her) and it gave me an ability to make cheekbones a little lower which looks more accurate. Some little touches i've made: slightly reshaped the lips (they've got "sharper") and widener the jaw. I think i will do some changes in future, because chin and eyes are slightly off to me. Yeah, i'm the perfectionist, but anyway, i love how she comes out in general.

3. Clavicle & Cleavage Details

When i seeked some photos of Antje for references, i noticed that her clavicle and cleavage are not that subtle as my Antje. It's more soft and flat. Anyway, previous version looked unrealistic to me when i took the pics of her body in lingerie. Something was off to me. That's also the reason why i decided to experiment with skinblending. But in fact, i didn't changed the body. I just took original from Simpicient and i really liked how it looks on her. Textures are more realistic and details are smooth like Antje should have.

4. Belly & Spine

Honestly, i don't like how previous belly looked like. It's kind of dystrophic for a middle aged woman. It should be just flat in my view. And again a yellow tone looks a bit odd. Yeah, she still have ribs at the second pic but they're not that obvious now. And a neat button as bonus, lol. Spine is my favorite thing about Antje. She have unusual body shape for a woman - reversed triangle. It's always called "less feminine" and etc. but i found it very sexy. I really love how her spine looks like especially with wide shoulders.

5. Legs

It's the most boring part for me, lol, but they look fine in both variations. That's all. Second ones are just better textured as the whole skintone does. Knees are slightly controversial to me. Maybe, i will rework them later.

6. Misc Parts

These are the smallest improvements, but i decided to show like everything (except nude parts, sorry, but we're on tumblr).

That's all i wanted to show you. It's a little, but honest work :D I love the way Antje transformated just by changing a skintone. She became "older" and that's what i wanted to get. I wasn't sure that i have any luck with skinblending, because all my previous efforts were too bad. This one is a small but important step for developing my favorite character.

Thanks for reading ❤