#it's just a pretty simple instrumental track

[malachite834]

Did y'all know that I released my first original song just a few months ago? Nope, because I forgot to ever mention it here! (°ー°〃)

Check out the full piece on YouTube if you're interested: https://youtu.be/jy6nscpFQQM

[shirefantasies]

I'm doing pretty good! Ty for asking

I wanted to request Lindir (and anyone else you might want to do) with a reader that loves playing with/braiding his hair? A very simple request but I find it adorable

That does sound quite sweet 😌 I decided to do this with all the major elves because we love elf fluff in this house 💖

Elves + Braiding

Lindir

✧ He is surprised the first time you idly take strands of his long brown hair in your hands, giving a look of polite surprise as he awaits your next action.

✧ Then you pull back the sides of his hair, braiding them at the back of his head, and he would be lying if he said it felt anything but satisfying, both having his face freed from the strands and also your hands delicately working their magic upon his hair.

✧ Too shy to request it, Lindir simply sits by your side, hoping the whim takes you again. Perhaps he will practice a song, sitting at his harp or holding a smaller instrument and feeling the small smile creep onto his lips when your fingers comb through his hair again.

✧ When he catches you in a moment of stress his subconscious works faster than his mind; without thinking he’s running hands through your hair, sliding the cool skin soothingly over your scalp.

✧ He turns red each time, but Lindir’s absolute favorite is when you rest your gorgeous head upon his shoulder. Gently he strokes your hair before ever-so-slightly resting his head atop yours.

Thranduil

✧ Fixes you with a look of surprise when you subconsciously reach for his long golden locks, but after removing a leaf from them your fingers twirl the ends of his tresses and he smiles fondly.

✧ Shakes his head a bit at you as you play with his hair, weaving new strands together. The loops you make may not be as intricate as others he has seen, but they are sturdy.

✧ From then on Thranduil dubs you talented, encouraging you to try more techniques, be they braiding or weaving. At first you can hardly help questioning if he sees your intent…

✧ …before you realize he is the only one you’re allowed to practice on. He is calling on you, plain and simple.

✧ You try to keep this out of your head, but the way the back of his hand traces your cheekbones as he sits you down makes that harder and harder…

Arwen

✧ You relax her in a way few else do, the ease you bring leading her to seek you out again and again.

✧ She knows how you enjoy what you do and she wants to pay it back, too. “Come, let us make our braids!” And just like that, your habit has become ours.

✧ She loves the feel of your hair, asking permission of course the first few times she touches it, but soon it seems even when you’re just sitting together someone is caressing the other’s hair.

✧ Sometimes when you’re feeling especially merry, you’ll playfully swat her with her own little ponytails. It always gets one of those rare laughs out of her.

✧ Cue Arwen wrapping her arms around your shoulders, forcing you to drop her hair as she grapples you (lovingly).

Elrond

✧ His eyes track yours one day, catching the way they follow the silky length of his hair. One day you venture sweeping some off his shoulder, growing bolder at Elrond’s soft smile.

✧ Your hands shake at first, but he nods and smiles reassuringly as you begin your weaving work. His hair is smooth, needing little to nothing, so instead you craft a kind of crown for him braided about his head.

✧ You tell him as much as you reveal your work, shocked at the way his expression has melted into something far, far softer.

✧ “Allow me to return the favor,” he says, hands sliding temptingly over your shoulders as he rotates you- and who are you to say no?

✧ “Though I do not deserve a crown,” you remind him. “You do not see things as I do, then.”

Legolas

✧ You’d never touch his hair without asking, unsure how Legolas would react until you shyly offer to braid it freshly back for him.

✧ He agrees with one of the smiles that has your heart leaping, encouraging you with a gentle nod as you take a seat behind him and begin your work. From the moments your hands brush his back, you can feel Legolas relaxing as you weave his golden hair.

✧ From then on he goes to you when he wants it fixed, teasingly asking if you might like to braid his hair again.

✧ It’s probably one of the most romantic things to happen to you the day Legolas sits you down, saying it’s his turn to take care of your hair.

✧ You two both end up in this sort of symbiosis of doing each other’s hair, barely ever touching your own.

Haldir

✧ Starts a bit the first time your hands comb his hair, but the butterflies he’s feeling may become evident in the way Haldir’s eyes fix you.

✧ You can feel him lean into your touch, the gentle motion of your fingers soothing him. Rare are the moments in which Haldir gives in to simple breath, release of all the burdens that he holds, and yet it is clear he craves it.

✧ "Why," he asks as you release his locks, letting them flow down his shoulders, "are you doing this?" "Do you really not know?" You simply ask back, caresses moving from the base of his neck to the sides of his face as you turn him your way.

✧ Your habit leads to the first of many kisses shared with Haldir, often stolen beneath the swaying branches of some faraway tree.

✧ Playing with your hair is not his habit, but running his hands wildly through it as your lips embrace is.

Galadriel

✧Amusement dances in her blue eyes as you reach up and comb her golden waves through your hands.

✧ “I’m sorry,” you sheepishly apologize, “may I?” “Of course,” she answers simply and gives a little nod as you step closer again.

✧ Galadriel turns to fix her enchanting gaze upon you as you work, smile too knowing not to bring warmth to your face and a shake to your fingers.

✧ Since that day, she combs her fingers through your hair as she passes by you, her fingers sometimes trailing down to the side of your cheek.

✧ You can feel her eyes upon you as far as her watch can reach, simultaneously bringing safe warmth shining through your chest and a shiver down your spine.

[rabbitblackx]

Hello! How are you?

May I request for Michael, Jason and Brahms with a S/O who is talented musician and likes to play something for them?

I personally play flute and I want to know what would they think about it and how would they react.

If you already done something like this before, that's okay, feel free to ignore it.

Thank you in advance

Have a nice day / night!

Hope u have a good day too! I added Freddy like u asked :)

Slashers with a Musician!Reader

Includes: Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger and Brahms Heelshire

Michael Myers💖

Michael often stood in the darkest corner of your room and listened to you play your instrument. Sometimes, you didn’t even know he was there. It was best not to acknowledge him at these times. Because he was a little embarrassed at how much your music moved him. Hearing any teasing from you instantly ruined the moment

After murdering his victims, Michael searched their homes for any instruments for you. He welled up with the tiniest bit of pride when you played the gifts he got you. It was his favourite sound

You were always learning creepy or classy songs for Michael. Any Halloween themes were his go to’s. When he came home grouchy or down, you lightened the mood with a gentle song from your instrument. He stood stiff as a board as you played, mask vacant of any emotion. Underneath it though, Michael was being soothed… and he was grateful to you for that

Jason Voorhees💖

Jason could listen to you play your instrument all day. It was as pretty to him as the birds chirping, or the lake hitting the shore. He lost track of time sitting there in your cabin. You played your instrument for him so beautifully. It was literally the highlight of his day

Jason rummaged through old cabins and junk in search of an instrument for you. They were usually pretty old timey or rusty, but you made it work. You had to. Jason’s happiness was everything to you

You asked Jason of old songs from his childhood, so you could learn to play them. You played a lot of songs from the fifties for just him with your instrument. It really did bring him back to a better time

Although Jason missed the simple life he once lived with his mother, you were a fine substitute. No, that wasn’t the right word. You were better than that. You were his new life

Freddy Krueger💖

Freddy really enjoyed listening to you play your instrument. He leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed, an impressed smirk on his burned face. You had your back to him, mind somewhere else as you became one with your beautiful music. He thought you were just soo cute!

Freddy also found your musical side to be very sexy. He was always asking you to play your instrument, even requesting certain songs. You of course learned them all, and held little concerts for him in your living room!

When you met with Freddy in the dreamworld, he let you play all the music to your heart’s desire. He could spend the entirety of your sleep just jamming out with you

Freddy usually got you to play something slow and sexy on your instrument before you two made love. It really set the mood, you know? Plus, you were so good at it! How could he resist?

Brahms Heelshire💖

Brahms played an instrument too! He loved to play songs with you. It was one of his favourite things to do, like, ever

Brahms found you playing classical music on your instrument hauntingly beautiful. He watched you from the walls as you became one with the beautiful song. He was blind to everything else in that moment, absolutely enthralled by your moonlit form

Brahms snuck out of the walls and into the living room with you. You paid no mind, closing your eyes as you continued to play. He slowly circled around you in the dark, taking in every curve and swell of your body. The slow, alluring music coming from your instrument sent chills down his spine

Brahms was patient. He would wait for your song to be over, and for you to set your instrument down. He’d let the afterglow of your stunning music sit in the air momentarily. Then when you relaxed your shoulders in the dark, he’d pounce

[man-down-in-hatchet-town]

So I Spied Another Day...

You know it was a good show when you can’t decide whether your heart is so full from all the love and joy, or so empty because it's over.

Really do buckle up, because this is a long one.

So the show went a little like this. They played the Spies pro-shoot on a giant movie screen, but any time a song started, the audio changed to the instrumental track, the video typically faded to simple background graphics, and the cast came out to perform the number live in concert style. There were also a series of audience participation prompts up on the movie screen, such as standing to deliver a line in unison, giving Lauren a standing ovation for the Pay Attention! Reprise, enthusiastically booing Dr. Baron von Nazi and the still infuriatingly catchy Not So Bad (for anyone who’s curious, in addition to encouraging boos and yelled disagreements with von Nazi, they also cut the audience participation bit from the song).

The energy in the room was so electric and full of joy and warmth. People shouted out iconic lines, went wild for everyone’s entrances, and absolutely lost their damn minds over Curtwen at pretty much every opportunity. And the cast were clearly having just as much fun. Doing This has always been my favorite, and there was something so sweet about them singing it again all these years later. We finally got Joey performing Spies Are Forever (Evil Reprise) again and it was just as chilling and beautiful as you’d expect. And One Step Ahead was just on a whole new level. I don’t want to give anything away, but the details in that performance were INCREDIBLE.

It was simply so special seeing most of the original gang come back while also bringing some new friends along. Shout out to Mariah for coming out at the top of the show so ready to play, setting the tone for the whole evening. Shout out to James for putting his comedy chops on full display (LET JAMES BE FUNNY MORE) and dancing the hell out of One More Shot (another favorite number). And shoutout to Carlos Alazraqui (taking over the roles of Sergio and Vladimir Poopin) and Tommy Link for coming into this crazy part of our world with such enthusiasm and silliness. Brian deserves a medal for agreeing to once again play the most cringe-worthy character in all of Pulp-StarCanWrecked history, and for sounding so fucking good while doing it. Tessa was having a blast in full unhinged glory and I gladly worship at her altar. Lauren is maybe the funniest person alive and deserved her standing ovation, prompted or not. Seeing Joe Walker perform live has been Item Number One on my fandom bucket list since I moved to LA a couple of years ago, and I still can’t quite believe I managed it. I’d wondered if he’d be rusty, but honestly he sounded great; it was like no time had passed. Mary Kate still has one of my all-time favorite voices and her Tatiana remains forever engaging. Joey showed up dressed to slay as a gay evil genius Bond-movie supervillain and proceeded to thoroughly deliver on that promise. And Curt… every time I watch Spies I am increasingly blown away by what he does with this arrogant, broken mess of a character. He clearly loves Agent Mega as much as any of us, and to see a performance refined and powered by such clear and thoughtful passion is just a huge treat.

(And while he wasn’t in the cast, I can’t not mention Corey. Between his roles as director and co-writer, so much of what Spies is comes directly from him and we don’t appreciate that nearly enough. And shout out to Esther Fallick for her wonderful work as Susan and the Informant. She might not have been there in person, but her incredible performance was with us the whole time.)

I know this is preaching to the choir, but Spies Are Forever really is such a special show. It’s a story about recovery, and devastating as it can be, I think there’s also something deeply healing about it at its core. For one thing, I know it played a huge role in mending my relationship with my asexuality. I will forever be grateful to it for existing, to TCB, Talkfine, and the original cast for creating it, and to those same people for maintaining its legacy with the amount of love and care it deserves. It was a privilege to be in the room as so many people came to celebrate this miraculous little musical. There were a couple of minor tech glitches (I wonder if they’ll even include the “big one”—the projector jumping over most of the staircase scene before getting fixed—in the digital ticket version), but nothing that could even begin to damper the magic of the night.

We all know that spies never die (except for Owen and the Informant, oops). And at times like this concert, I think this special little show with its short run in 2016 will prove to be just as immortal.

[stxrrynxghts]

Ranking the songs of Ponniyin Selvan

The sole reason for making this post is because I. AM. OBSESSED. Also, I am not a music expert, so this is just about how the songs sounded to me.

14. PS Anthem

I...I don't have anything to say. It's an okay song for me, I just don't like it as much as the other tracks, simple.

13. Devaralan Aattam

Again, same thing. It is a nice piece of music...I am not that fond of it. This album is soooo good, and this song is a nice song. Except I kind of get scared when I listen to it T-T.

12. Aazhi Mazhai Kanna

It is soooo pretty! My only complaint is that it is...what? A minute long?! I wish it were a full fledged, 2-3 minute long song...It has a such a lovely vibe, and I am in love with the music video.

11. Ilaiyor Soodar

It has a kind of nostalgic, old-ish vibe? IDK how to describe it, but it feels kind of melancholic, which I think it is meant to be? This is very small as well, no?

10. Chinnanjiru (Marumurai)

This is one of my fav songs on this album actually, but I don't listen to it that much, because it makes me cry. I think this song might actually make me depressed, it's so beautifully made and sung.

9. Chola Chola

It has a very energetic vibe, over all. Why do I feel that this would be a good gym song tho? It also seems like a strong dance song, and I love it for that. Also, I listened to the Hindi version first, and I highly recommend it.

8. Chinnanjiru Nilave

It is a very beautiful piece of music. My favorite part is how the music starts off with a very cheerful tune, and keeps it throughout the song, while slowly adding a tragic/painful tone as the song progresses. It really fits the couple it is picturized on. Who is the singer, guys? Another song whose Hindi version I loved.

7. Shivoham

I really love the fact that this song's lyrics are taken directly from Nirvana Shatakam. I am a sucker for well made religious music, especially with Sanskrit lyrics, and this is one of those songs. Someone make a 1 hour loop of this, it is toooooo short.

6. Ponni Nadhi

This was the first PS song I listened to, and it is so, so, so good!!!! Such an energetic and simultaneously peaceful song. The music video is so precious as well, and the fact that it is picturized on Vanthiyathevan is just another plus for me. Makes me want to sing along whenever I listen to it.

ANNNDDDDD NOW, TOP 5.

5. Ratchasa Maamaney

Sweetie, I am so sorry. I feel so guilty for ranking this so low. This is an awesome song. Shreya Ghoshal is a pleasure as always, and the music + music video are just precious. This song has such festive vibes, and Vanthiyathevan's parts are so hilarious. The flute in the beginning has fulfilled all my dreams.

4. Sol

Now, NGL, but I was not that big of a fan of this song initially, when I first heard it, but it grew on me. The whistling, the sound of water, everything is so cute. This is the most adorable song I have ever heard. The Tamil version was my fav.

3. Aga Naga

It is so dreamy and breath-taking for me. I am in love with this song. The instruments, and the singing, everything is top notch. IDK how people can dislike this song. It has a slow touch to it, and it is very romantic, but has subtle vibes? Like this song gives me the vibe of loving someone, but from afar?

2. Alaikadal

So dreamy and peaceful. I listened to all of it's versions, and it has a mysterious + chill vibe. Antara Nandy is such a good singer. This song just transports you to a different world.

WINNER: Veera Raja Veera

This song is just....perfection. Chef's kiss. Out of this world. ROYAL. I always blast this song on full volume, and it is EVERYTHING. This song is just....I don't have words for it. The lyrics are even more perfect. The part before the last chorus is my fav and I just-

Also the music video.

DAMN.

I am screaming, shrieking, throwing up whenever I listen to it.

What is your ranking?

[canmom]

thinking about Deus Ex Human Revolution because I stumbled over its soundtrack in my game OST folder.

it got good reviews in its day but with hindsight it's not really remembered as a great game to endure the way the first one did. there is stuff to praise - art direction for example - but equally, you can criticise plenty: the clumsy handling of the 'augments' theme, the shallow orientalism of the China chapters, the watering down of the immersive sim elements. the clumsy outsourced boss fights and the rubbish ending.

if it's remembered today it's mainly for the "i never asked for this" meme, and the 'Icarus' trailer.

watching it again in 2024, the soundtrack is doing a lot of the work of carrying this. most of the dialogue in this trailer is really corny cyberpunk-isms, and a lot of its visuals are blatant riffs on Ghost in the Shell, Appleseed and Blade Runner (though I'll credit that it has a great sense of mechanical design in its robots and stuff). but the opening visual motif - the Renaissance dissection tableau transitioning into the flight of Icarus - is just the right level of pretentious for a game like this. that, combined with the wordless vocals rising and falling around the synth line, does so much work to sell the idea of 'this is grand and important'.

cyberpunk has a pretty specific sound associated with it - the electronic sounds are obvious, but in some of the best remembered cases it relies on contrasting the human voice and old school percussion against those synths, typically in some unusual vocal style that is likely to be unfamiliar to viewers - most notably Indonesian gamelan in the Akira soundtrack, and Bulgarian choir in Oshii's Ghost in the Shell. the other major genre touchpoint, Blade Runner, does not generally use vocals in the same way, but still plays the synth off against percussion sounds. in the simplest terms, it's a contrast of 'natural' and 'unnatural' right? what humans were and what we're becoming.

here we're not importing quite such an unfamiliar sound, but we have a lot of long, held notes by a solo singer (either Ariel Engle or Andrea Revel going off Soundcloud, but I'm having a hard time figuring out the specific credit). it's not unrelated to what Emi Evans was doing with the 'chaos language' in NieR, and indeed to the sound that J'Nique Nicole would bring in the sequel there. I really like wordless vocals, the human voice is such a versatile instrument and brings so much texture.

against that the synth here is actually keeping things really simple. it's mostly just repeating phrases, often simply arpeggios. I haven't really learned enough to keep track of the chord movements here, I'm sure someone more well-versed in music theory could easily take them apart because I doubt it's doing anything overly complex. but it's in a minor key, it's gradually rising for the first half of the track, dropping a bit every so often so it can keep climbing for the most part... and then the final third introduces a second synth line with a slower descending motif - goddamn it's literally just the Icarus metaphor again isn't it, rising and then falling? but it's not too obvious with it, like it doesn't climb all the way back down.

against that the trailer plays a montage of General Cyberpunk Stuff, notably Adam killing people in sicknasty ways, robot limbs doing robot limb stuff, newscasters with interesting fashion sense, and protesters getting gunned down by cops. the weakest parts are the ones that refer to the game's plot and aren't just pure vibes tbh.

that trailer wrote a lot of cheques that the game couldn't really pay, but it is interesting to look back at it with a more analytic eye. it makes me wonder how to really get that human voice texture in music I make. I mean the obvious answer is 'learn to sing', and I'm working on that and making progress, but my voice is pretty testosteron'd and inevitably that limits my range. vocaloids are great but mostly for a different kind of sound. ah well, I'll figure it out. the erhu at least has a sound that's pretty close to the human voice, so maybe that can be the ingredient I need to get that Atmosphere(TM).

[tohwitchesduels]

LOSERS BRACKET OF WITCHES DUELS - Battle 16 - Battle Royale: Edric Blight vs Jerbo vs Skara

Disclaimer: This is not a popularity contest or which character you prefer, in this tournament, you decide who is stronger/better/smarter/etc. opponent.

information for both opponents under the cut to those who don't know what they can do in their battle:

Jerbo:

Jerbo specializes in abomination and plant magic and doesn't show the capacity for spells of other kinds. He utilises mixed magic to manipulate both the soil and the plants.

Jerbo seems to be quite a knowledgeable and ambitious fella. He doesn't show great fighting spirit though. During this battle, his palismen won't be allowed.

Jerbo is struggling but he's willing to win even if he has two opponents instead of just one.

Vine Attack - Jerb is capable of creating vines from his hands to use as an offensive attack or a way to potentially grab objects. It can go far distance. His vines are also pretty strong.

Abomination Minion - Jerbo is capable of creating an abomination minion for himself. He can create abomination from either soil or abomination goo. His abominations are middle-sized mostly and can do simple tasks. However, it's not uncommon for Jerbo to also lose control over his abominations making them go berserk. Abomination Minion can fight his own battles using brute strength. The minions are pretty quick too.

Abomination Beast - Jerbo is capable of creating a mud-like beast he can ride and use to attack his opponents by ramming head on or devouring them. The beast is much larger than a typical abomination minion and probably more durable too.

Link to more of Jerbo's capabilities here

Skara:

Skara specializes in the bard track. For the purposes of this tournament, I allow Skara to have a powerset established by MoringMark's comics due to him fleshing out her capabilities in the "A Hint of Blue" comic storyline and his comics being beloved by the fan base. And not only. Her instrument of choice is lyra.

Skara is established to be an excellent strategist in ASIAS and she's an experienced athlete in both grudgby and flyer derby. She also did show some fiery spirit in LR and judging by her becoming a new teacher at Hexside, she seems to be quite proficient in magic, granted usually in battles she didn't showcase impressive feats. During this battle, Palismen are not allowed.

Skara here is to take down two birds with one stone. She's becoming ruthless this round.

One of the tools I'm willing to give Skara regardless of everything is flying boots. She can use them for transportation and aerial attacks even when she doesn't possess a palisman during the battle and she can use them to save herself from fall damage if she ever is knocked out midair.

Another tool I'm willing to give her is the bag of tentacles she used in Once Upon a Swap to prank people, she can occasionally throw some of them at the battlefield to create tentacle traps. Skara doesn't control them though so the tentacles could attack her as well.

Arrow Strike - MoringMark exclusive ability. Skara can release a single arrow using her magic which can be used offensively. The arrow is strong enough to pierce through magical barriers. Requires an instrument.

Arrow Storm - MoringMark exclusive ability. Skara can release multiple arrows at once using her magic for offensive purposes. Requires an instrument.

Beat Box Shockwave - MoringMark exclusive ability. Skara can release a shockwave all around herself by beatboxing. She can utilise it to push away anything coming her way, including even her opponents. The range however isn't particularly big though.

Willpower Increase - MoringMark exclusive ability. Skara by playing her instrument can regain her strength and clear her mind. Can be used to refresh herself during the battle. Requires an instrument.

Sonic Whistle - MoringMark exclusive ability. Skara by whistling can release sonic waves that can be used to distract or even immobilize her opponents due to the noise hurting the ears of everyone hearing her whistle. It however won't work on deaf opponents.

Thunder Wave - MoringMark exclusive ability. Skara can create a thunderstorm with lightning directly striking her opponents. It's Skara's strongest offensive capability. Requires her instrument. Skara can release multiple lightnings one after another dealing even more damage to her enemies. Skara can also choose where her lightning strikes too.

Snow Spell - as demonstrated in Something Ventured, Someone Framed, Skara learned how to create snow. She will usually display it as a simple snowball or snow blast attack

Fire Spell - as demonstrated in Something Ventured, Someone Framed, Skara to create snow can also create fire. She will usually use this ability specifically to throw a single fireball.

Link to more of Skara's capabilities here

Edric Blight:

Edric Blight is pretty chaotic and airheaded but can also be clever and sneaky. He can both focus on offense and deception. Granted at times he tends to not think things through and can make rash decisions that can and will blow up in his face. He specializes in Potions, Illusion, and Beast-Keeping magic, making him a pretty strong and skilled all-rounder even if he can be pretty impulsive. During this battle, he won't be using whatever palisman he has.

Edric plans on winning this match without even trying. What are two opponents to him?

One of the tools Edric can use during his battles independently of whether or not his opponent also possesses any, is fireworks. That's right, Edric brings fireworks to the battlefield and can use them offensively. Due to how illegal and unstable they are and how Edric landed in the healing coven multiple times due to them, they're noted to be particularly destructive and unpredictable meaning any outcome can be achieved (either they hurt only Edric, they hurt his opponent or both or neither - the rule of random applies here so do whatever you want with it).

Restraining Magic - Edric is capable of creating a lasso made out of light that can be used to restrain his enemies. We saw it when he tried this with Slitherbeast. However, Edric can also enhance any lasso or tie to specifically bind a particular target he has in mind as of Reaching Out, meaning it can be very difficult even for stronger opponents to break away from his bonds.

Explosive Potions - Edric is capable of brewing potions that explode upon shattering, thus can be used offensively, but also as a distraction and defense (the best defense is offense and the best offense is defense after all). Edric can throw multiple potions at once or in a row. He will usually have multiple at hand.

Transformation Potion - Edric improvised and created a potion that can alter the appearance of the drinker. Edric has the recipe and antidote (plenty of ice packs) at hand to either use this potion or on himself to transform into a stronger and "draconic" version of themselves (demonstrated on Warden Wrath though aside from his appearance and enhanced abilities, he didn't seem to display new ones). The potion allows the user to gain immense strength, sharp claws, spikes, and horns and is much bigger in size, however, it comes at the expense of rational thinking turning the user into a wild animal. So Edric either transforms and hopes and prays he can quiet down his instincts enough to apply ice packs on himself, or he uses it to confuse his enemies and hope they won't hurt him too much. After the potion's effects get canceled, the user of it gets nauseous and is incapable of further fighting. He will usually only have a few at hand though.

Truth Potion - Edric brewed those before battle with enough patience to not mess them up so he can use them safely. Their capacity on the battlefield usually extends to tricking the enemy into either drinking them or inhaling them and making them confess their weaknesses out loud. He will usually have a few at hand though.

Snow Magic - when training with Amity he did display he can use snow to his advantage, though he only used it to sink Amity into the ground, which would be only possible if the area's ground was always snow, but for that, I have a different spell in mind. Edric can create simple snow blasts with it or use it to immobilise his opponents by creating enough snow around them to burrow them in it.

Sinking Magic - Edric is capable of making the ground sink beneath the feet of his opponents if they're distracted enough. He demonstrated it when training with Amity and I'm making it a full-blown ability that can be hard to counter but not impossible if the opponent can dig through any surface. Be it snow or ground (though probably not metals considering how solid and refined they are).

Telekinesis - Edric displays an ability to move objects at ease. He can, in fact, lift his opponents and move them through great distances just fine, granted it works best on distracted opponents. He can also use this ability to throw projectiles of various sizes (though the biggest one probably won't be bigger than your average person who can be tall).

Glamour - Edric can alter his appearance through either concealment stone or even by himself as demonstrated in the illusion classes. The way Edric used glamour in the show however isn't exactly useful on the battlefield as he would usually just enhance his appearance like switching clothes or making himself look posh. So for the purposes of this tournament, I allow Edric to be able to completely alter his appearance to look like someone else. However this ability only comes in handy during battle royales when multiple people are battling, otherwise it's effectively useless in a 1v1 setting. Edric also doesn't gain any new abilities from such a transformation, though it can't be easily dispelled.

Illusion Casting - Edric is capable of casting any illusion of any object or even a living being. Said illusions can interact with the real world just fine (so he can for example create ammo as Amity threw at him "Hex me" papers he created himself and knocked him out with it). His illusions normally are fragile but with his beast magic, he can strengthen to make it harder to dispell them.

Illusion Clone - Edric is capable of creating a clone of anyone he desires, granted it's usually one clone at a time as proven in EGF when he created a clone of Eda. The clone could potentially mimic the abilities of the people they took shape from but it's more than often just an illusion. They could also take upon the personality of anyone they were cloned from.

Trap Illusions - Edric can create illusions that can transform into barriers upon contact with them. This can restrain his opponents while still allowing Edric to be able to touch and affect them (like a Venetian mirror).

Camouflage - Now I'm not sure whether or not Edric can cast it on his own or if it requires a team effort, but in LR once Bump made a stand against the EC, all the other students would appear after the illusion of camouflage was dispelled, so I'll allow all illusion casters that were part of this to be capable to at least hide out of sight temporarily, so Edric now can use this ability to stay hidden for short time during the battle.

Bat Companion - now Edric may not possess a palisman, but he can use his pet bat during battles, sending him out of the attack to attack his opponents or distract them with it. To how much extent the bat will listen is however limited, though enough for the bat to not attack Edric.

Beast Luring - this was more or less proven in Reaching Ou how easier it was to lure out beasts Edric needed using his beast-keeping magic, so Edric could bring back any beast to the battlefield with his knowledge. However, said beasts will probably not listen to Edric at all.

Link to more of Edric's capabilities here

Return to Masterpost

[corrupteddoodles]

something i love about spooky month 5 is how bob was built up as a genuine, dangerous threat through various factors

he towers over most characters. lila, kevin, streber, john, jack, skid n pump, etc are all pretty much ants to him. his voice is usually in a low whisper-like tone, and up until near the end of the episode, he never really spoke unless he was telling people grotesque facts about meat and the human body in his iconic southern drawl. at the end, that changes. he is yelling and threatening lila, juane, skid and pump, saying “Y’all don’t know ANYTHING!”. whether that was just a threat/insult or genuine is up to speculation. at the beginning of tender treats he is said to be an established killer, showing that he had been a threat for a while

also the devil motif plays into this

bob’s theme The Devil Butcher is also good at building him as a threat. it’s a relatively simple track, with a repetitive piano in the focus and the soon addition of other instruments. people who know more about music then me can put more input into this then i ever could

all in all i like how bob was built as a genuine threat throughout the episode through things like his design, voice acting, dialogue, and things other characters say about him

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[mirror-ralsei]

The Sound Test is hands down my favourite piece of horror in Undertale.

Yeah, sure. Photoshop Flowey is a great spiritual successor to Giygas, and Gaster to Uboa. The Chara jumpscare is disturbing, as is the entire No Mercy run. But the Sound Test is a masterfully crafted anecdote that deserves more appreciation.

So to recap, Fun event 65 begins when you walk north in the crossroads before Snowdin. The music cuts out to transition to text on a black background.

It starts off positively: “Welcome to the Sound Test! Listen to all your favorites. Press Left or Right to select. Press Z to play a song.” The friendly terms fade in calmly, offsetting any disturbance caused by this sudden interruption by easing into it. We also need to note Undertale was designed as a niche RPG for RPG fans, which intentionally played with their expectations.

With that audience in mind, the player also likely has an expectation here: contemporary sound test rooms are typically a cool bonus for players, unlocked either through the progression of a game or its completion, or sometimes only through codes or developer consoles. They provide a list to play of all the sound files in a game, or at least the OST. This is a generally beloved feature when provided, allowing players to jam out to their favourite tracks. “Listen to all your favorites” seems to confirm this, reinforcing the brain to glaze over any specifics and autofill an expected experience here.

So we dive excitedly into this bonus feature (if maybe a little bit confused). Sound tests typically are accessible from main menus, and we were just interrupted while playing the game, but whatever, this game is a bit weird anyway. What songs do we have? You can cycle through them, but more likely people will play one by one in successsion.

We start with “Happy Town.” There hasn't been a “Happy Town” location yet that we've seen, but this is probably an area from later in the game or something. We click on it, and it's... short. It's just a simple loop on two channels, too. The melody itself is rather boring. Okay. Maybe this is just an intro track, so on to the next one.

“Meat Factory.” Uhh. This is definitely from later in the game... probably? When you think on it for even a moment, you realize this grim title sounds very tonally out of place in a game that's so far been pretty fantastical and friendly, and that makes it immediately unsettling. Clicking on it immediately confirms this. Where Happy Town was pretty noncommittal, Meat Factory's 8-bit loop is even shorter and almost oppressive in its relentless, growling two notes, repeating at an alarming pace, as if approaching with deadly intent. Why is something so disturbing and almost industrial in a funny little game?

You quickly switch to the next song. “Trouble Dingle.” A “dingle” might imply something a little bit lighter, and “trouble” sounds maybe a little more whimsical than “doom,” but there is no relief here. This loop is longer, but distorted and chaotic. It sounds corrupted. There's no trackable melody, it loses the 8-bit instrument, and like Photoshop Flowey's fight or the unpredictable melody of “Amalgamate,” is generally throwing away all sense of safety in favour of absolute disorientation.

At this point, you have likely forgotten about the context and are trying to find one song that's not incredibly disturbing. Maybe you've even realized by now that there is no way to even exit this unsettling “room.”

It's an auditory chase scene. The pressure increases with every song. Something is approaching, and fast.

Enter “Gaster's Theme.”

The hunt is over. The music has caught you. Suddenly, no matter what you do, you are trapped, forced to listen to this piece, this theme of a character you do not know, which starts off curious before dipping threateningly into the minor key. You rightfully may get the impression that this character “Gaster,” whoever they are, exerts some terrifying control over you, to be able to freeze you like this, able to writhe around between song tracks but change absoutely nothing, escape utterly futile.

You are only free when this music chooses to let you go. It cuts off abruptly. “Thanks for your feedback!” it says cheerfully. Then:

“Be seeing you soon.”

It's an incredibly compelling little horror piece and potential villain introduction that I find even more unsettling than the 66 mysteryman door itself. It's short but sweet, toying perfectly with expectations and making us deliberately uncomfortable at every turn.

[thesinglesock]

watched a bit of the ninjago 10 year anniversary documentary the other day and I love how pretty much everyone involved took a look at the company's instructions:

"we just want to make 40 minutes of Content to go with our new toy line, just do something simple"

and went "uh no we're not going to do that." and proceeded to go above and beyond.

you want 4 unrelated shorts with some kind of story that includes the toys? nuh uh you're getting a 40 minute pilot divided in 4 parts. we're treating it like we would a hollywood movie. we Will turn your blank projectable mascots into motivated and three-dimensional characters and there's Nothing you can do to stop us.

you said you wanted a small music library you could pick tracks from to use in the shorts? sorry but we're going to score the whole thing scene by scene with traditional instruments like we would a feature film. the script was too good we refuse to half-ass this.

and kids loved it so much these guys ended up with the most stable jobs in the entertainment industry

[ipkkndlovescenes]

Akash&Payal

Akash & Payal

aka Payesh...

Parallel leads  Payal & Akash's storyline was added in as a zest. It was like them, fresh air to the intense love saga. It was used correctly and really developed the Arnav & Khushi storyline in a different dimension but attached to Payesh's story. It even connected and created some frustrations for Shyam as well unintentionally.

 The two are like sweet and spice roles with their own background music...a pretty soothing one...Hey, Hey...Ho Ho... 

In fact, I would love to say that they played an instrumental role in orchestrating Arshi's life together. Payal loved her sister, Khushi... whereas Akaash had a great way of dealing with ASR in his own sweet and calm way. He showed a genuine fondness for Khushi even when things were wrong. I'd love to see him develop a very open brotherly affection for KKG, but CVc did not deliver that.

Before Marriage

Akash is the soft-spoken type and Payal hardly spoke, and all. Arnav & Khushi portrayed passion, whereas CVs initially used Payash to add cuteness to the drama. Akash and Payal didn't really need any words to describe... they both communicated with their eyes as well.

 Akash's simple and ordinary looks and Payal's shyness reflected through her eyes were just beautiful touches... they seemed very similar to Arshi are opposites but carried their own incomparable charm!!

The drama at the cliff brought these two together, later Arshi will be on the same cliff but with a whole lot new level of intensity

After Marriage

I would love to see Akash come out of that mummy's boy shell after his marriage and get his act together to be his own man. He did show us some backbone initially, but it went down the drain after a while, and his silence made it difficult for Payal to take her place in that house peacefully, especially with Manorama. A typical sas bahu drama it became. As many characters of IPK lost their originality, Payesh were the same.

 Yet, I knew this side of the story showed a typical Indian man who shows no difference from the herd of this imperial men society. Payal and Akash provided a gorgeous contrast to the story before and after marriage. The couple set each other off, and I thought the show underestimated the value they could have with these two as a second lead.

I'm certainly not talking about hour-long stares but some good character development with both. Payal and Akash in the Gupta and Raizada house provided a pivotal benefit to the show. They possibly allowed the hate/love track to be extended more constructively later.

Their relationship felt incomplete to me, leaving me with this thirst to know more...

Forgot to mention

Akash has his fav color, Pink and all the colors belong to the pink family.

Wearing the same here, but seems like it is reflecting a dangerous color for Mamiji🤣

_____________________

[fandomfluffandfuck]

i cannot get this out of my head, so have a wholesome hurt/comfort moment tonight >>>

bucky’s been reconnecting with his family, and one of his college-age nieces has been having a rough time with her mental health so he sends her pictures of steve looking dumb and she sends him tiktoks and sometimes he shares a piece or two of his own healing with her.

so one day she sends him a tiktok and the accompanying text is “dont say a word old man”. and the video is Emhahee’s song “I Am”. and it takes bucky out at the knees.

steve comes back from working out to find bucky sitting at the edge of the couch, wiping his eyes. he plops down next to him, groaning at his sore muscles. bucky huffs a laugh and leans back, relaxing into steve’s arm across his shoulders. steve kisses bucky’s head, bucky pinches steve’s thigh. and bucky picks up his phone and plays the song for steve, and by the end of it theyre both teary eyed. steve kisses bucky’s head again and leaves his mouth pressed against his soft hair.

I am a person and for that I’m glad / I have plenty of good in me along with the bad / I’m not in trouble and nobody’s mad / I just am, I just am, I just am

so a few days later, steve looks up the song again. he liked the singer’s simple style - sometimes music gets overwhelming as his brain naturally tracks every instrument and harmony and inhale and - yeah sometimes just a voice and a ukelele is better. for steve’s brain.

and her song “Rich Man” makes him smile as he washes his face. he listens to it a few times and sends it to bucky. but as he hears bucky come in the front door, as steve pulls out one of bucky’s tshirts to inevitably stretch out with his shoulders over the course of the day - the song switches to her song “My Silly Body”.

and steve can make out bucky setting down a cardboard tray with coffees, a paper bag, his keys - it takes a bit of juggling with only one arm - and steve can smell bucky’s deodorant and their laundry detergent and he can feel his steady heart pick up and steve just. sits on the bed. and starts crying.

bucky comes in pretty quick after that, but he can also hear the song playing quietly from steve’s phone. and in an echo of last time, stands in front of steve and pulls him to put his face against bucky’s stomach. runs his fingers through steve’s damp hair. and lets his big guy cry.

I’m best friends with my body cause I dont always fit in / My body talks to me all day - I’m learning to listen

https://youtu.be/8ybbMiKaNl0?si=-t4PDcnYQoqKtNoI

https://youtu.be/YO63SnpVHyY?si=rBZtRjOBi7w495Mo

https://youtu.be/0TNV2ZDq_fI?feature=shared

[Link 1] to "I Am" by Emhahee

[Link 2] to "rich man" by Emhahee

[Link 3] to "My Silly Body" by Emhahee

I just listened to those songs and hearing them in combination with your writing-?

I... I don't have words.

Oh my fucking GOD!

That's so fucking sweet. So fucking perfect. It's just so 🤌🏻sweet🤌🏻

Bucky bonding with his family, Bucky's domesticity, Steve's domesticity, and, just, the sheer emotion. Oh.

Oh, boys.

This is perfect. I love it. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing this with me!!

[magicshopaholic]

Seoul (Namjoon x OC)

Summary: You and Namjoon meet in Seoul again, this time as exes.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

Genre: Fluff, angst

Word count: 13.8 K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language, break-up, talk about parental issues, stress, infidelity, kissing

A/N: So... this got a little longer than expected. Some questions will be asked, many will be answered. A lot of holiday cheer and pretty Christmas lighting. But the best part about this fic has to be the fact that I haven't proofread it.

Set approximately nine months after Next Time but can be read standalone.

Tagging: @bbl32, @meirkive, @quarter-life-crisis2, @kflixnet (if you want to be added to the taglist, lmk)

Listen to: “ghost” by parekh & singh

namjoon masterlist | main masterlist

The last cloud floats away, and the sun peeks out apologetically. Bathed in light, the landscape looks like a colourful painting - a blue sky with a hint of purple, the edge of a green hill cutting it at an angle, and a winding road finishing it off. Visible in between two parallel rows of buildings, it feels like a glimpse of summer on a cold winter morning.

Kaya raises her phone to click a picture, ignoring her frozen fingers. This is Instagram-worthy, she decides - story only, even though she rarely posts anything else. She considers a caption for a brief moment, but it feels almost cruel to disturb the picture.

Over an hour later, when she’s in the car on her way home, her phone pings and she sees a reply to her story.

artisfolly [12:45] You’re in Seoul?

Kaya’s heart skips a beat. She suddenly realises why she’d felt the need to take a picture of that particular hill and it’s no surprise that he’s recognised it, too. His question is unexpected, though, and she can think of nothing to say but the obvious.

kaya_m [12:46] Yeah.

artisfolly [12:47] Why didn’t you tell me?

She stares at the screen, at a rare loss for words. She can’t fathom why he would ask her this, and the fact that they’re speaking to each other for the first time in nearly three months reduces her to simple honesty.

kaya_m [12:50] I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.

A beat passes. Kaya realises only a moment later how tightly she’s clutching her phone and forces her fingers to loosen up.

artisfolly [12:51] I always want to hear from you.

Another beat. Then – 

artisfolly [12:51] Can we meet for coffee?

—

The city is already lit up and ready for the holidays. There’s the faint sound of instrumental carols from somewhere down the street as people enter and exit shops in a flurry, all bundled up in fashionable winter wear.

Namjoon still isn’t entirely sure why he picked this place to meet up. Gangnam just made sense because it was reasonably close by, but it’s also busy - it makes him feel less exposed somehow, although he isn’t fully sure what he’s trying to stay hidden from.

He glances at the menu of the coffee cart as he waits for her. Again, it wasn’t what he’d had in mind when he’d proposed to meet up for coffee, but his mind had gone blank when he’d tried to think of a place. For some reason, all he could think about was this small cart and the fact that it had a hazelnut drink. Around two hours ago, after nearly a whole day of thinking, he’d realised he couldn’t put it off anymore and texted Kaya with the location of the department store next door.

Namjoon exhaled, trying to ignore the low hum of anxiety in his stomach. A lot had happened in the last couple of days: a new track had been submitted for approval, their appearance at the AMAs in January was under review, he had a package that was currently stuck in customs - and then he’d found out his ex-girlfriend was back in Seoul. The anxiety is warranted, he decides.

It’s a few minutes past four pm when his phone buzzes. He feels a jolt in his stomach as he answers. “Hey.”

“Hey. I, uh… I think I’m at the location…” Kaya trails off, sounding unsure. “I can’t see Aldo, though.”

Namjoon swallows; the last time they’d spoken on the phone, she’d sounded very different. His heart skips an uncomfortable beat when he thinks about it.

“Oh.” He clears his throat. “Um, where are you right now?”

“I’m at…” She trails off again, and he pictures her looking around, eyes big and upward. “Okay, I just passed Zara.”

“Okay, just keep walking straight,” he tells her, turning to face the direction he knows she’s coming from. “You’ll see an auditorium kind of thing on your left -“

“There’s just a turn here.

“Yeah, no, you’ll have to cross the street. Be careful,” he adds automatically when he hears a car horn at her end.

She says nothing to that but stays on the line. “Okay, I think I see the auditorium… is that an auditorium?”

“Kind of, I guess. Street musicians, up and comers perform there and stuff.”

“That’s nice. Did you?”

“Still a stage I have yet to conquer. Can you see me?”

“Not yet. It’s pretty crowded. Is there an inflatable Santa near you?”

Namjoon turns slightly on the spot. “There’s a 3D Santa cut-out, if that’s what you’re referring to. There’s, like, three of them, though.” He bites back an unexpected chuckle when she swears under her breath. “Try to look for a banner with the directions to Santa’s Village.”

He can hear her stop in her tracks. “A banner? Everything’s written in Hangul, Joon. Oh, hang on, I think I see shoes - it might be Aldo…”

Namjoon nods wordlessly, trying to ignore his heart racing. He tries to look over the heads of the people on the street, hoping no one recognises him as he looks for Kaya - and spots her. She looks… exactly the same, or more beautiful than every single person in Gangnam put together. Probably both. 

He can hear her murmuring on the phone, trying to look for him as well, but he can barely make out what she’s saying. He’s reminded, inexplicably, of the last time he’d seen a similar sight: London, almost two years ago. They weren’t dating yet, and he’d waited for her by the entrance of his hotel as she arrived from the station. He’d spotted her just like this in the crowd, albeit much later in the night. The moment she’d seen him, her face had broken out into a happy smile, complete with Disney princess eyes, and he’d asked her flat out to be with him two minutes later.

It’s a bittersweet memory. Namjoon blinks rapidly a few times before clearing his throat. “I can see you,” he says, hearing how low his own voice is all of a sudden.  He raises his arm halfway. “I’m here. Right in front of you.”

He registers the moment Kaya sees him. Her mouth stops moving mid-word and she halts for a moment before exhaling slightly and giving him a small, polite smile. They lower their phones at the same time and Kaya continues walking towards him, dropping hers into the small sling bag hanging from her shoulder. He notices her gaze travel up and down his figure before lingering on his chest, and he’s suddenly glad he chose the turtleneck at the last minute.

“It’s cold,” she says when she finally reaches him, rubbing her hands together and shivering slightly. 

He nods, feeling his heart leap unnecessarily. “It’ll get colder,” he informs her. “You look nice,” he says after a moment.

“Thanks. So do you.”

There’s an awkward moment of silence before she exhales. “So this is the coffee place,” she states, looking up at the lit up cart, at the fairy lights, the menu written in both English and Korean - anywhere but him, he notes. 

“Oh - uh, yeah.” He shakes his head. “You should - we should order,” he stutters, fumbling with his wallet as he fishes it out. “Sorry, I know you probably weren’t expecting this, but I couldn’t decide -”

“No, no, it’s totally fine,” she says immediately, the silver hoops in her ears glinting as she shakes her head. “This is nice. I’ll have the hazelnut, I think,” she adds, retrieving her own wallet. “Uh, one hazelnut,” she repeats to the barista, enunciating a bit and holding up a finger before turning to Namjoon.

“Oh, right. One caramel macchiato,” he adds in Korean. He pulls out two bills and is about to place them on the counter when Kaya beats him to it. “Oh, I was going to -”

“That’s alright,” she interrupts, glancing up at him with a stiff smile as though to let him know it’s still good-natured. “I can pay for my own coffee.”

They don’t say much else until two steaming lattes are placed on the counter, smelling warm and cozy. They pick up their drinks, and Namjoon is suddenly faced with the consequences of choosing an establishment with no designated seating area.

“Um…” He looks around, starting to feel a bit silly, before looking back down at her and sighing. “Do you want to walk?” he asks finally.

She seems to have already expected this. With a glint of amusement in her eyes, she nods. “Sure.”

They begin strolling down the sidewalk in Gangnam square. The place is busy and most people are bundled up, meaning it’s one of those rare occasions when Namjoon is likely to make it through unrecognised. He tenses up for a moment when he thinks about the fact that he isn’t alone, but then remembers he has no business caring about that anymore.

“So… how’ve you been?” 

Namjoon looks up, wondering where to begin. He isn’t sure how much of his post break-up state is appropriate to reveal, and if she even wants to know. He can talk about work… but even that could be a delicate topic, given recent events. 

“Not great,” he says finally, surprised at his own honesty. “You?”

She shrugs, once again not meeting his eyes. “About the same.”

He bites his lip. The distance between them, while expected, feels awful - and wrong. Namjoon takes a brave step closer to her. “How did the seminar go? The second one was in October, right?”

Kaya pauses for a fraction of a second before nodding, and Namjoon knows she’s caught the deliberate tone in the question. He doesn’t regret it, though. Forgetting the first one was bad enough; the guilt that had washed over him when he’d realised he’d missed an academic milestone in her life had been one of the last straws for him. 

“It wasn’t bad,” she says, taking a small sip of her drink and cracking a smile. “Went better than the first one. But I got to design the lecture series at the end so I guess it worked out.”

“That’s great,” he replies, meaning it. She seems taller, the top of her head almost reaching his cheek. He looks down to see her boots, long and straight up her legs… swallowing, he looks away. “You didn’t sound so good about the - about the last one,” he adds quickly, wincing a moment later.

“Yeah. That one was… way worse.” Kaya doesn’t say anymore, taking another sip instead. “Coffee’s good.”

“Yeah. We got a bunch of these delivered to the studio about a week ago. Thought you might like it.”

“Right.” She nods. “How, uh, how is the studio? And the collabs?” she tacks on at the end.

Namjoon feels his stomach twist again, his eyes falling to his cup at the mention of what was probably the breaking point of their relationship. Hwasa, Sunmi and IU. In the aftermath of their break-up, it had become increasingly clear to him that this was the core of the issue and yet, it seemed like the one thing they avoided talking about.

Kaya seems to remember, too. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to make it weird,” she mutters. 

He shakes his head. “You didn’t. Don’t worry.”

She bites her lip. “I was genuinely asking. You were working pretty hard.”

I’m working hard, too. And not just at my job.

“They’re in post production now,” he answers as they turn into a quieter street. “Except for one. It came out last month.”

“Oh, really? That’s - that’s great. Must be doing well.”

“It’s doing fine. Just finished promoting it earlier this week.”

“So does that mean you have Christmas off?” Kaya raises her eyebrows. “Must be doing really well.”

Namjoon chuckles. “Yeah, I don’t want to jinx it. I’m going over to my parents’ house tomorrow night. I’ll probably stay there for a few days.”

Their coffees are almost done now; as the sky darkens, they throw their empty cups into a trash can by the sidewalk and continue walking. Namjoon shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket, glad for the momentary warmth. 

“God, it’s colder than usual,” he mutters. “You know what it reminds me of, though?”

She looks up at him with the first genuine smile of the evening. “London?”

Fucking hell. “Yeah, exactly. Except there it was cold and wet.” He shudders. “I don’t know how you made it all the way from the station with a suitcase in that weather.”

Kaya shrugs. “It wasn’t so bad. The hot shower after really helped,” she adds absently.

It’s not super high up in the list of things Namjoon wants to be reminded of right now, the image of her in his shower. What’s up, boyfriend? she’d greeted him when she’d stepped out, wrapped in a towel, her wet hair swept over one shoulder. The memory makes him smile involuntarily.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” He straightens his face. “I read that Sean Scully was touring Europe again. Did you get to go?”

She sighs hugely and groans. “No, work piled up way too much. But, I found out he was going to be in Belgium and he was putting up some of his figurations on sale,” she says, shaking her head already, “and I started saving up - and I mean saving up. And two months later, the sale happened, and the painting was nowhere to be seen.”

“Wow. You know, some of his stuff is in the National Gallery here, too,” he says, pointing generically behind him. “We can - I mean, you should check it out… if you have time,” he adds lamely.

“Yeah, probably. I’ve been checking out more indie stuff lately, though - but, yeah, maybe.”

“Oh, is that why you were in Hongdae yesterday?”

“Yesterday? No, I was there to see a play.”

Namjoon frowns. “In English?”

“Nope.”

He bites his lip, trying not to laugh, but gives up a moment later. “Are you serious?”

“Shut up,” she mutters, looking adorably embarrassed and nudging him with her elbow. “Jae-lin wanted me to come along.”

Ah. “And there was no way you could say no to her,” he finishes in understanding.

“Exactly. Even the best of us have some weak spots.” She peers at something across from him on the other side of the street. “Hey, is that an ATM?” She stops and looks up at him. “Do you mind? I just need to -”

“No, go ahead. I’ll grab a bottle of water.” He watches her jog across the empty street and enter the vestibule before he ducks into the convenience store behind him. It’s easier than he’d expected, being around her - except for the part where he wishes he could forget for a moment that they aren’t together anymore.

As he wordlessly passes the bottle to the cashier, he wonders for what feels like the millionth time in the last three months if this was the right decision. It had felt like it at the time. The snapping and the fighting was becoming more frequent than before, but at least that was mutual. Disappointing her each time was too much, though, and before he knew it, he was doing the one thing to ensure he didn’t hurt her anymore.

“Thank you,” he mutters to the shopkeeper and exits the shop. The cold air hits him again and it feels as though the sky has gotten several shades darker in the last few minutes. His eyes go straight to the ATM, noting two or three more people apparently in line, before he spots Kaya among them. Her uncertain expression, ducked head and hunched shoulders tell him everything he needs to know, and all thoughts of their break-up disappear in an instant.

Striding over, Namjoon registers three other men, two behind her, seemingly chuckling at something the third is saying to Kaya. It’s clear she isn’t able to understand him, but his proximity to her is enough for Namjoon to automatically feel his pulse race in annoyance.

“Which - country?” The third guy says in English, louder and more deliberate. Before Kaya can answer, Namjoon reaches over and wraps his hand around her wrist, gently tugging her out of there. The relief in her face is brief but evident, and she immediately falls into step beside him as they walk away.

“You alright?” he asks in a low voice, dropping her wrist but staying close to her. “Do you have your wallet and everything?”

She nods and exhales, her arm brushing his shoulder. “Yeah,” she murmurs, her voice shaking slightly. “Thanks.” She doesn’t move away from him, not until they turn into a busier street. It’s more brightly lit, with Christmas decorations and fake snow everywhere, and Namjoon can’t help but feel sorry when she finally takes a step to her right and the familiar scent of coconut and vanilla disappears.

They don’t speak again for a while but unlike when they’d initially met at the coffee cart, Namjoon doesn’t feel pressured to make conversation. Some kind of ice between them seems to have broken and he suddenly feels a lot more secure in the fact that she’s here with him, that they’re here together.

“Oh, my God!” Kaya gasps suddenly, halting in her tracks and clutching his arm, and for a moment Namjoon thinks the creepy men are back.

“What?” he asks hurriedly, looking around and automatically stepping closer to her.

She doesn’t seem to notice. “What - the hell - is that?” she stutters, pointing shakily at something in front of her. Namjoon follows her finger, expecting danger, only to find something even more terrifying.

“Oh,” he exhales, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. He wracks his brain for an appropriate explanation but soon gives. “That’s… yeah, that’s a cardboard cut-out of Taehyung.”

Kaya looks up at him incredulously. “It - what?” She turns back to the six foot tall cut-out of Taehyung in a suit, smirking and making a finger heart, before she looks behind it to see the rest of it. 

“Okay, Namjoon, there’s no easy way to ask this,” she begins, taking a step back, “but why is there a shrine to Taehyung in the middle of Seoul?”

Namjoon chuckles, a little embarrassed. “It’s his birthday in a week, so… they do this every year. Birthdays are a big deal around here,” he adds, following her as she gingerly continues down the aforementioned shrine.

“No, I get that,” she says slowly, lightly touching a fringe of sparkly streamers bordering a photo booth. “This is just…” She trails off, looking up at the fake snow and candy canes decorating a line of photo cards and smaller cardboard cut-outs.

“A lot, I know.”

“Kind of sweet,” she finishes. “You know, once you get used to it.” She stops at a wall-sized poster of the entire group, a shot from their last concert in the summer. Namjoon isn’t sure, but he thinks her gaze is lingering on him in the corner, hair a lighter blond than it is now.

My man looks so fucking sexy in a suit.

“What about you?”

It takes Namjoon a moment to focus. “Uh, what about me?”

“Does this happen for everyone’s birthday?” She raises her eyebrows playfully. “Was there a life-size Kim Namjoon here, too?”

“God, no,” he says, shuddering a bit. “Although there is a graffiti drawing of my face back in Ilsan. It’s actually pretty good!” he exclaims when she laughs, feeling his cheeks grow warm. “I’ve only seen pictures, anyway. I guess I’ll see it when I go back tomorrow.”

“Spend some good old quality time with it?”

“Not that much time. Our schedule starts on the…” He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to recall. “Twenty-eighth, I think. Need to double check that.” He opens his eyes to see Kaya frowning.

“You’re working on New Year’s?”

“Yeah,” he says, shrugging. “New Year’s Eve special in New York. Holidays, birthdays… doesn’t really matter,” he adds, hearing a note of bitterness in his own voice. He stops by a pop-up stall. “Honestly, it’s a miracle we got Christmas off.”

Kaya stops beside him, facing him slightly. “I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “About your birthday. I didn’t forget,” she clarifies when he looks up. “I thought about texting or something, but… it was just too soon.”

Namjoon nods, feeling his heart clench a little. That hadn’t been a good day. “I get it. It was less than a week after… everything.”

“Yeah. Didn’t think you’d be working, though.”

“I didn’t mind. Kept me occupied.”

She bites her lip, glancing over at the collectibles. Namjoon watches her, recalling with a heavy heart just how much he’d been hoping she’d call. It hadn’t been fair to expect it, given that he’d ended things just a few days prior. He’d tried to do it as amicably as possible, tried to reassure her that it had nothing to do with how he felt - it was just a consequence of their situation. Long time coming, he’d said. Despite that, he’d kept his phone on all day, hoping that at least special events would mean he could hear her voice again. 

“I did… wait,” he confesses after a moment. “I thought we ended on good terms.”

Kaya exhales, and he can see her defenses go up. “We did. That’s why we’re here right now.”

“Three months later.”

“Yeah, well. I needed time to process it,” she counters, folding her arms across her chest. “You really caught me off guard.”

Namjoon lowers his head, unsurprised at her astute observation. He had caught her off guard - and not accidentally. He can still remember the rain in the background, the sound of the people around her as he revealed what he’d been thinking for a few days by then. Most of all, he can remember how confused she’d sounded. That had been the worst part: her confusion. Sadness, anger, denial; he would’ve chosen all of them over her uncertainty, how she’d taken a few minutes to realise what he was proposing, by which time it was too late to argue.

“I wouldn’t have been able to go through it otherwise,” he confesses quietly.

After what seems like several minutes, Kaya sighs. “Well. In the spirit of processing things,” she begins, and he looks up to see her reaching for one of the small stuffed toys on the cart, “a belated happy birthday.” She hands it to him.

“Thanks. And thank you for…” He looks down at the toy and back up at her. “... for this stuffed doll of Taehyung?”

“A stuffed doll of Taehyung holding a wreath,” she points out, jabbing a finger at the plastic decoration. “And wearing a Santa hat.”

“Wow. This is, uh…” He looks back at the doll, stitched down to immaculate detail. “... so terrifying.”

Kaya laughs. “What are you talking about? He’s a good-looking kid.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want a voodoo doll of him staring at me while I’m, like, changing or something.”

“Well, that’s your punishment for breaking up with me while I was running late to class,” she says lightly, already handing cash to the shopkeeper.

“Fair enough,” he mutters, stuffing the silly doll deep into the pocket of his jacket as they begin walking away.

“So?” she continues as they stroll down the street. “How are the other guys?”

“Good, mostly. Pretty tired.” 

“And your parents? Your family and everyone?”

“Also good.” He pauses. “My mom asked about you.”

“She did?” Kaya sounds surprised.

“Yeah,” he answers, nodding. “Nothing specific. Just how you were doing and stuff.”

She’s quiet for a moment, hands tucked into her elbows. “You didn’t tell her?”

“Not yet.” Namjoon bites his lip, realising only at this moment, that it’s because he was hoping he wouldn’t have to at all. “Guess I’ll have to, soon enough.”

“Believe it or not, it was hard to tell my mom, too.” She squeezes his forearm sympathetically. “Although, if I’m being honest, the hardest person to break it to was Jae-lin,” she adds.

He snickers. “Really?”

“Yup. And not to pressure you or anything, but she’s expecting some seriously deep music to drop soon.”

His heart jolts uncomfortably. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

When he says no more, he notices Kaya give him a curious sideways glance. “And speaking of my sixteen year old cousin’s obsessions,” she begins, the forced upward lilt in her voice evident, “what about Taehyung and Dilara Komyshan?”

“Oh, who knows with them,” he replies absently, stretching out his neck before looking back down to see her raised eyebrows. “No, they’re dating now. Officially.”

“Wow. Score. For Tae, I mean,” she clarifies.

“I agree. They went on some trip or something recently.”

“Ah, the honeymoon phase,” she says knowingly, shaking her head. “Children.”

“He’s happy now. And I mean too happy,” grumbles Namjoon. “He’s smiling into his phone all the time like an idiot; I swear, he looks high.”

Kaya snorts. “Wow, single people really are bitter.” When he doesn’t respond, she looks up, biting her lip awkwardly. “Too weird?”

He winces theatrically. “A little bit.”

She chuckles. “Sorry.” 

They stop at a traffic light, waiting to cross the street. The sky is dark now, but the area has never looked more lively. Namjoon is suddenly glad he asked her to meet today; the closer Seoul gets to Christmas, the prettier it looks.

Which reminds him.

He glances at her beside him; they’re both standing tilted towards each other, almost automatically. To anyone else, it might look like they’re midway in conversation. 

“By the way,” he begins, shifting to face her. She does the same, her silver hoops catching the light again. Namjoon pauses; there’s a certain science to this, a certain combination of elements that will get him the reaction he wants - or at least the one he’s hoping for.

“Yeah?”

Hands deep in his pockets, he lowers his head slightly to look her in the eyes. Disney princess eyes. His blond hair falls onto his forehead and he gives her a small smile, just enough for a dimple to appear. His gaze drops to her mouth before meeting her eyes again. 

“You look really pretty,” he says, meaning it, hearing his voice low and deep. The flicker in her eyes makes his heart race, but he holds it, waiting for her response. 

“Thanks. You look…” Kaya swallows visibly and her gaze falls, lingering near his chest for a moment. Thank God for the damn turtleneck. Namjoon is almost anxious at how she’ll finish her sentence.

“... really pretty, too.”

“Huh.” He nods. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” She pauses, clearly awkward. “The blond suits you,” she adds, reaching up as if to touch his hair but stopping herself at the last moment.

“Yeah, it’s, uh… the stylists like it,” he replies lamely, running his fingers through his long hair.

“They’re doing a good job, I guess. You’re looking thinner,” she murmurs, her eyes on his chest and shoulders before they dart up to him. “Not in a bad way,” she says quickly. “Or - or a good way. I was just… it was just an observation.” She shakes her head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s okay,” he says simply, placing a light hand on her back as they cross the road. “I haven’t had a lot of time to hit the gym lately. I’ve lost a bit of muscle mass. What about you?” he asks after a moment, feeling his gaze drop to her hips as she walks a step ahead of him, before averting them with an effort.

She turns around and waits for him to catch up, raising her eyebrows. “Am I losing muscle mass?”

“No, are you… you know. Taking care of yourself and everything,” he clarifies. “Eating well, locking your door… that stuff.”

She laughs without humour. “Remember when I told you I was saving up for that Sean Scully painting? Yeah, that means two whole months of nothing but instant noodles.”

Namjoon stares at her, unamused, until she looks up at him. “Are you serious right now?”

Kaya raises her eyebrows. “Are you? Do you seriously think you get to lecture me on a healthy diet?”

“God, I hate it when you have a point.”

“Which is often,” she says fairly, nudging his shoulder playfully. She looks around then, frowning slightly. “Wait, I thought we were going to your car. How far away did you park it?”

“Not that far, actually. There’s a shorter route through the alleys inside,” he explains. “I just thought you might… feel safer this way. Out in the open.”

He wonders for a moment if he’s made it weird again, for he can’t decipher Kaya’s expression. She licks her lips and looks at the ground, but before he can begin getting anxious about it, she looks up.

“I always feel safe with you,” she says calmly, gesturing for him to start walking again.

As he falls into step beside her, Namjoon feels, for the first time all evening, as though he finally knows what he wants. He sees her hand by her side as she walks, half-covered by the sleeve of her dark striped sweater, her nails painted black. 

He imagines what it would be like to hold it; lightly at first, fingers grazing her palm before linking their fingers together. Holding it tight then, tugging her closer to him, feeling her long hair brush his chest… for a moment, Namjoon feels like crying.

“Wow, I didn’t realise how hungry I was.” 

Kaya breaks him out of his reverie, and he looks up to see her peering at a passing tteokbeoki stall. 

“Do you want to get some?” he asks, although he can’t imagine eating anything right now.

She waves her hand. “No, I’m good. Ji-eun’s making dinner and she’ll kill me if I ruin it.”

“Yeah? What’s she making?”

“Not sure. Something with noodles.”

Namjoon laughs. “Sounds about right. She may have grown up in America but she’s Korean at heart.”

“Completely.” Kaya shivers as a cold wind blows. “And Korean by blood, clearly, because there is no way winters back home were this cold.”

“Yeah, the winds are a bit harsh,” he acknowledges fairly. “Why did you decide to visit in the winter anyway? There’s a reason tourism is at an all-time low this time of the year.”

“Oh… my mom wanted to visit. Said she wanted to spend Christmas with family.”

There’s something off in Kaya’s tone, but Namjoon doesn’t want to pry. Not too blatantly, at least.

“Don’t you usually go to Connecticut to spend Christmas with her?” he asks.

“Yeah.” She nods, falling quiet for a few seconds. “She’s dating this guy,” she blurts out. “And they’ve been going out for a few months and it sounded like everything was fine, but I think - and I’m pretty sure I’m right - that he asked her to spend Christmas with his family. And it freaked her out,” she finishes, breathing slightly heavily.

Namjoon doesn’t say anything for a moment. From the way the words tumbled out of her mouth, it’s clear she’s been waiting to talk about it.

“Is it the dating part?” he asks gently.

“No,” she mumbles, looking at the ground as she steps within the tiles. “My dad’s been gone ten years, you know? I’m glad she’s dating. But when she does things like this, I know it’s because she’s scared. And I just wish she wasn’t.”

He frowns. “Did she actually tell you about him asking her to come over for Christmas?”

She opens her mouth but deflates. “Not exactly,” she admits. “But I know I’m right. The way she sounded, the words she used - she was avoiding talking about it.”

Like mother, like daughter. “Why don’t you just ask her?” he suggests. “You and your mom are close, aren’t you?”

She bites her lip and shakes her head. “I can’t tell her what to do. It’s not up to me to tell her how to move on from her dead husband.”

Namjoon touches her elbow, wishing he could do so much more. “I didn’t say to tell her anything. I said you could ask her. She knows you just want her to be happy, right?”

Kaya swallows, stopping as the parking lot comes into sight. “And then what? We talk about it? Because I’m such an expert on how to be happy?”

There’s a moment of heartbreaking silence before she looks up and blinks. “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to dump all this on you.”

He frowns. “It’s okay -“

“No, it’s not. This isn’t your problem anymore, and we don’t -“

“Kaya.” He gives her a look when she stops talking abruptly. “You know, I didn’t intend for… this to mean that we cut each other out of our lives. You can still talk to me,” he says earnestly. He sighs and looks at his feet. “I know there are still things that I can't talk about with anyone but you,” he admits quietly.

He watches her expression change from confusion to curiosity, and then to a kind of concern. Her shoulder makes a movement and he wonders wildly, hopefully, if she meant to reach for him.

“Like what?” she asks softly.

Now that she’s asked, the words seem impossible to say. Namjoon looks down at his hands, feeling months worth of anxiety creep in again.

“I think I’m losing my touch,” he says finally, still not looking up at her. “With songwriting, producing… everything. I’m not… I can’t…” He trails off, wincing in irritation as he struggles to recall English words for his exact emotions. “I can’t write anymore. And the more I can’t… the more I have no idea who I am anymore.”

From the corner of his eye, he sees Kaya watching him closely, her forehead in a frown. “Why?”

“I don’t know. The words just aren’t coming. The music… I can’t hear it in my head the same -“

“No, I meant,” she interrupts him, and gives him an apologetic look when he meets her eyes again. “I meant… why don’t you know who you are anymore?”

“Because if I’m in the studio for hours and hours and I can’t actually… produce anything, or create anything, then what the hell am I doing in there?” If I’m in the studio for hours and hours, what does it all matter if I don’t have you?

“Joon…” She takes a step closer to him. “You’re… it’s recency bias. You’ve been producing great stuff all year. Didn’t BTS just win, like, five awards at the MAMAs?”

“Yeah, but not for anything I wrote,” he counters immediately. “And that’s fine. We always win for the popular hits, and that’s fine with me. I just… I can’t write anymore,” he says in a small voice. “The words aren’t coming.”

Her eyes flicker, as though searching for the right words. He knows it’s far out of left field for her, that a lot of his work is something she can’t contribute a lot to, choosing to primarily listen. 

“Well…” She sounds a bit uncertain. “What did you write about before?”

He shrugs, looking away. “Just stuff. Things that made me happy, things that made me sad.”

“And you don’t have those things anymore?”

Namjoon doesn’t know how much clearer he can make it without risking losing even the last remaining fragments of her in his life. “Not the ones that make me happy,” he states, meeting her gaze.

Somewhere, a Christmas carol begins on a loudspeaker, sleigh bells in the background. Bright lights flicker on, jerking them out of their conversation.

Kaya takes a step back, exhaling shakily. “It’s getting colder,” she mutters. “Is that your car?” she asks, tilting her head towards something behind him. Before he can answer, she begins walking over.

Namjoon follows her slowly, knowing their conversation is over. He waits until he’s a few feet away from the car to open it. She doesn’t enter immediately, though; looking up at him from across the bonnet of his Mercedes, she gives him a small, sad sort of smile.

“I’m glad you messaged me yesterday,” she says softly.

“So am I.” He swallows, his heart sinking at the realisation that their evening is at an end, whether he wants it to be or not. “Come on. Let’s get you home before Jieun kills you.”

—

“And he crosses the finish line,” murmurs Kaya in humour as Namjoon slowly pulls into Jieun’s driveway before stopping the car. There’s teasing in her tone, but also a hint of pride, for he really has come a long way since she’d first started teaching him how to drive two years ago.

He doesn’t look at her, though, choosing to stare out of the windshield with a pensive look on his face - the same one he’s had for the entire drive.

Kaya deflates slightly. “Thanks for the ride.”

“How could I have let you go?” 

It’s a whisper, but on a quiet street and inside a crowded car, it feels like he’s shouted it from the rooftops. Kaya says nothing, choosing to stare at her lap instead, for she isn’t altogether surprised. The way he’d begun looking at her as the evening progressed, eyes softer and warmer with each minute, some of the things he’d said; the poet in him might have thought he was being subtle, but Kaya knew him well enough to know where his mind was at.

Namjoon, meanwhile, is still in the midst of his crisis. “How - how could I have thought that was the right decision? How could you have let me?”

She bristles. “What?”

“No, I’m - I’m not… I’m not actually blaming you,” he stutters, glancing briefly at her, as though just remembering he’s not alone. “I just can’t believe…” He sighs, running a hand over his face. “God, I fucked up.”

When she’d gotten the call three months ago, her first emotion had been surprise. It had been a long time since Namjoon had called her, despite his best efforts to. Their conversations had turned terse and short, with more passive aggressive statements going back and forth than actual talk about their lives. 

It had been a busy day and Kaya already had a lot on her mind, so when he’d broken up with her with barely any warning during a busy evening on campus, she’d been furious. Not at first; no, at first she’d been confused, then in denial, then in class, then busy - very busy - until something had finally forced her to face the fact that she’d been dumped over the phone by the love of her life.

He’d said many things, the first being that he loved her. He missed her, cared about her, and hated being a dick to her - so he wasn’t going to do it anymore. Throughout, through all the sadness and heartbreak, her anger at how he’d deliberately chosen a Wednesday evening in Amsterdam time to break up with her was the worst, because he’d more or less ensured that she wouldn’t be able to argue back.

I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it otherwise.

It’s probably true, and Kaya remembers being annoyed by it even a couple of hours ago. Now, though, surprisingly, she finds herself wanting to comfort him.

“Namjoon -”

“No, you know what?” He interrupts her. “I know I was wrong. I know I was too busy and I wasn’t making the time, and I was taking out my stress on you, but -” He shakes his head, and she realises he’s glaring at her. “You weren’t being honest about what was really bothering you.”

She raises her eyebrows. “I - what?”

He gives her a look, indicating he isn’t fooled. “You know what I’m talking about, Kaya.”

“No, I don’t. And… we don’t need to talk about this,” she mutters hurriedly, unbuckling her seatbelt when he grabs her wrist.

“Wait, come on,” he says quickly, stopping her. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to start a fight. Or maybe I am,” he says after a moment. “If that’s what it’ll take to finally talk about this.”

Kaya hesitates. “You talk about this stuff when you’re together,” she reminds him in a low voice. “And we’re not together.”

“I know.” He gives her a long look, almost pleading, before speaking again, slower and more deliberate. “I’m saying… I want to talk about it.”

“Fine,” she says finally, sitting back in her seat. “Go ahead.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Me?”

“Yes. You’re the one who wants to talk about it.”

“No, I want you to admit what was really bothering you,” he corrects her, giving her a knowing look.

She frowns, puzzled, even as her heart begins to race uncomfortably. “What are you talking about? We were apart, there was distance… wasn’t that the whole problem?”

“That’s a pretty macro way to look at it.” When she gives him a look, he nods, satisfied. “That’s right. I didn’t date an Economics research student for a year and half and not learn a few words along the way.”

Kaya’s mouth twists as she tries to suppress a smile. “No way. You’re not allowed to make me laugh right now.” When he raises his hands in apology and gestures for her to continue, his dimple still faintly visible, she sighs. “Fine. It was… it felt like it was waiting for the other shoe to drop, okay? Long distance is always hard, and we made it last for a really long time.” She shakes her head forlornly. “It was like watching a tornado approach. I guess I just wanted to spare myself the pain of a long, gruesome… demise of a relationship.” 

Namjoon folds his arms across his chest. “You’re lying.”

Her eyes widen. “What? What are you - how dare you -”

“Kaya, don’t fuck with me, alright? I can read between the lines - I basically already know what it is, so why don’t you just admit it?”

“I am,” she exclaims defiantly. “I was afraid, we weren’t talking, we were drifting apart - what else is there?”

“Why were you afraid?”

“Why is anyone ever afraid in a relationship, Namjoon?”

“No, why were you afraid - and why did it come up only when I started working on my collabs?”

“Because I was afraid you were going to cheat on me!” Kaya huffs and sinks back into her seat, glaring out the window as she feels the corners of her eyes prickling at the memory. 

Neither of them speaks for a few moments. It feels like the invisible wall that’s existed between them all evening has finally been broken down, wrecking ball and all, to leave a pile of cold, hard truths.

“Why didn’t you say something?” he asks finally. He doesn’t sound satisfied; on the contrary, he sounds almost disappointed. It breaks her heart just a little.

“Because it’s humiliating to admit that,” she mutters, still not looking at him. “Because if there was one thing that made us work, it was that neither of us was clingy. But if I started acting insecure just because you were suddenly working long hours with beautiful women, then -” She shrugs, feeling ridiculous. “I was officially a clingy girlfriend.”

“Clingy? Kaya, you’re as far from clingy as a partner can be. We both are - we work crazy hours, we’ve gone days without talking and it never mattered. I could never think you’re a clingy girlfriend. And I would never cheat on you,” he adds firmly. 

Something settles in Kaya’s chest. “You know, that’s all I needed to hear?” she says, finally looking up at him. He looks almost wounded, his blond bangs thick and falling onto his forehead. “I didn’t actually think you would go ahead and - and have an affair or anything. I just needed that reassurance - I would’ve believed you in a second. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I wasn’t sure – but I suspected it. And honestly, I was a little insulted,” he adds sullenly, “because I didn’t think I’d ever given you a reason to doubt me.”

The truth of that statement is too painful, enough to make Kaya fall silent. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs abashedly. “I was too proud to say it. It’s just… these things happen. When there’s distance and stress and - and then there’s physical distance… it’s not outlandish to think something could happen. I don’t know how it works with celebrities,” she adds, shrugging heavily. “I just know I see a different story on Just Jared every other day and… well, we’ve already established that I was afraid,” she finishes, not knowing what else to say. “I was being crazy.”

She can feel Namjoon’s gaze on her, but she doesn’t look up until he sighs and touches her hand.

“You weren’t being crazy. I mean, I thought you were,” he amends, giving her a momentary smile, “but… okay, after we broke up, I was in the studio with Sunmi, right? And I must have looked like hell because she asked me if I’d had a fight with my girlfriend. It was too hard to correct her, so I - I didn’t,” he admits, wincing slightly.

“Anyway… then, out of the blue, she told me she had a boyfriend. And then a minute after that, she told me wasn’t bragging, but she was making it clear that nothing could happen between us. And then I was, like, what? and she said that in her experience, whenever two people had problems with their partners, they ended up hooking up. And she had no intention of doing so with me while we were both in committed relationships,” he finishes, shaking his head a bit. “So, no. You weren’t crazy.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

Kaya picks at a loose thread on her black jeans. It’s cathartic for all this to finally come out, but she can’t help but feel as though it’s only given their separation a kind of finality. Now that you’ve talked about it, you can move on in peace.

“I really missed you,” she murmurs, not looking at him. “And it felt like you didn’t, not as much. It seemed like the first time we weren’t in sync, you know?” She shrugs, her throat starting to tighten. “It scared me.”

“Kaya, you have no idea how much I missed you,” says Namjoon heavily. He doesn’t say the next bit, but it seems like a logical completion.

“God. Imagine if we’d just had this conversation back then,” he laments, running a tired hand through his hair. 

“Yeah. You can cut yourself some slack, though,” she adds, glancing up at him meekly. “We both fucked up.”

Namjoon nods, giving her that same longing look that he’d begun when they’d entered Santa’s Village in Gangnam, before looking away. 

“Have you… you know. Moved on?” he ventures, giving her a sideways glance.

She shrugs. “Define moved on.”

“You know. Are you - are you dating anyone?”

Am I ever. “Well,” she begins, taking note of how his shoulders stiffen next to her, “there was this grad student who tried to kiss me in the library, after which I ran away and cried for half an hour in the girls’ bathroom.” She raises her eyebrows. “Does that count?”

Namjoon’s head darts around to look at her. “He did what? Are you okay? Are you - did he hurt you?”

“What? No, no - it wasn’t like that,” she says immediately, shaking her head. “It was the day after you broke up with me and I hadn’t quite had the time to… deal with it yet,” she explains, giving him a reproachful look. “And I guess I’d mentioned sometime offhandedly that I was single, which he seemed to take as permission to try something and… then I told him to get lost.”

Dude, I have a boyfriend! had been her exact words to him, once she’d pushed him away and wiped her mouth in horror. 

No, you don’t! he’d retorted, a lanky, brown-haired guy with glasses, sounding more confused than anything. 

It had taken someone else to yell it at her for it to sink in, deeply, hurtfully, all the way down at the bottom of her stomach that she, indeed, did not have a boyfriend anymore, that Kim Namjoon was no longer hers - and everyone knew it.

“Why - why did you cry?” Namjoon asks, a note of concern audible.

“Because it felt weird, kissing someone else,” she admits, unable to look at him. “Felt wrong. Like I was cheating on you. What about you?” she asks after a moment. “Have you moved on?”

Namjoon gives her a look. “Does it look like I’ve moved on?”

“Uh-uh. This is not a topic where you can give me a cryptic answer like that.”

He sighs hugely. “No, Kaya, I haven’t,” he clarifies, almost indulgently. “It’s going to take a lot more than three months to move on from you.”

She tries to ignore how her heart zooms at his words, but it’s impossible. Clenching her jaw to keep from smiling, she takes a deep breath. “Wow, we were really late having this conversation,” she echoes his previous remark.

There’s a pregnant pause, with a world of possibilities visible in a single second.

“It doesn’t have to be,” murmurs Namjoon, and the hope in his voice makes her heart skip a beat. He waits for her to look at her. “What do you think? Can we give this another shot, baby?”

Screw you, Kim Namjoon. Kaya hates and loves in equal measure just how well he knows the right words to say to her. Her stomach flutters - butterflies, probably - while a warmth seems to course through her entire body, down to the tips of her fingers.

His face is inches away from hers. In the darkness of the car, with only the Christmas lights from Jieun’s house being the lone bright spot, and she tries to recall the last time he’d ever kissed her.

“I think…” She trails off, unable to think straight with how intensely he’s watching her. She tries again. “I think… I can’t have this conversation with that creepy doll staring at me.”

When Namjoon glances in confusion at the Taehyung doll they’d propped up on the dashboard before they’d begun driving, Kaya uses the opportunity to open her car door and step out. She hears him chuckle before following suit, and goes around the front of the car to join him by the driver’s side where he’s leaning against the door.

“Told you it was a creepy-ass doll.”

“And you were right.” Kaya stops in front of him and almost wishes she’d risked staying inside with the stupid doll. Tall and broad-shouldered, he suddenly takes her breath away. Maybe it’s the black turtleneck and grey jacket combination, maybe it’s the blond hair falling into his eyes and brushing the top of his collar, maybe it’s the familiar, woodsy cologne that she’s only noticed now that they’re out of the car. Either way, she can’t speak for a moment.

“So?” He raises his eyebrows, looking earnest and hopeful and heartbreakingly handsome all at once. “Do you think we can try this again?”

She shivers. “I…” It’s getting harder to breathe, and not just because of how he looks. This is so much more complicated than he’s making it sound. “I think.. we should sleep on it.”

Namjoon raises his eyebrows, apparently processing her answer.

She tries not to hurry her next words. “Look, I know we got all our issues out right now, but… our problems, they’re not going to go away. It’s still going to be the long distance thing, we’ll still have rough patches because of work… and I don’t think I can go through this break-up again.”

He frowns at the ground. “Why do you think we’ll break up again?” he asks, and she can tell he’s working to keep his tone neutral.

“Because making up this time isn’t going to last,” she says softly. He drags his gaze to look up at her then, and she can tell that he knows she’s right. “I just think… I think if we’re going to think about getting back together, we need to have some kind of view on - on what’s going to happen.” She swallows, wondering if he’s caught on to her hesitance to say the word. “Our situation… there’s a lot to think about. And I’m not just talking about the long distance.”

After what feels like an eternity, he nods. “That’s fair,” he says, but she thinks she can sense an undertone of disappointment. “It was just easy to forget, you know?” He shrugs and drops his gaze.

“I know.” And she did. She’d been starting to forget as well; it was too natural to fall into old habits. The way he’d rescued her from the guys at the ATM, the way she’d offered him the chocolate candy that came with her coffee without thinking, how he’d pulled her behind him when he thought he’d noticed someone pointing their phone at him; each of those moments had felt like déjà vu, except totally and completely real.

“That’s what made us kind of great,” she points out after a moment, wrapping her jacket tightly around her. “We always kept each other grounded.”

“So we’re sleeping on it?” Namjoon asks after a moment, looking up.

Kaya nods. “Yeah. Just so we’re sure.”

“I’m leaving for Ilsan tomorrow,” he reminds her.

“Good. That gives us a deadline.” 

“Right.” Namjoon exhales. “I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then.” He turns to open the door behind him when something grips at her heart.

“Wait, um -“ She breaks off, turning to glance at the house for a moment. “Do you want to stay for dinner?”

As expected, he shakes his head. “Oh, I - I couldn’t. But thanks.”

“I’m serious. Jieun always makes a ton of food.”

“Yeah, but…” Namjoon looks unsure. “I don’t think I’ll be welcome, right? Your ex-boyfriend… having dinner with your family?”

Kaya has never hated that word more, but she rallies. “I’m inviting you,” she points out. “And no one is going to make you feel unwelcome, I promise. They all love you. Please?” she appeals again. “I… I don’t want the evening to be over just yet.”

That seems to do the trick. Namjoon tilts his head the same way he always does when he wants to give her something but is prevented from it. “I - are you sure? You’re really close with your aunt. And your cousin.”

“Jieun’s always liked you. And believe me, with Jae-lin there, I’ll only be the second happiest person in that house if you join,” she informs him, rolling her eyes. He chuckles and her heart flutters at the sight of his dimple. “My mom’s inside. You should say hi.”

After a moment, he nods. “Okay. Let’s go,” he says, taking a step towards her, his hand gently hovering over her back as they make their way to the house. “I really do think you should ask Jieun, though. Just in case.”

“Jesus, don’t worry…”

“No, but what if she actually says no…”

—

Jieun doesn’t say no. In fact, Kaya’s aunt, more like a sister to her than her actual cousin sister, seems only mildly surprised but tells him he’s welcome. Her husband Jack seems not to notice anything strange at all, while Jae-lin seems absolutely thrilled that Namjoon is back.

“Oh, no, not - not exactly,” Kaya had said when Jae-lin had asked, point blank, if they were back together. There had been no further explanation, and her cousin had been enlisted to set the table and minimise the awkwardness.

“Sorry,” she’d muttered to Namjoon as they reached the dining table, looking up to see him both relieved and amused.

“Don’t worry about it,” he’d replied softly, reaching out behind her to pull out a chair and taking the one next to her. All through dinner, it felt as though nothing had changed, really. Jieun seemed to be enjoying some private joke as she watched them, sharing knowing looks with Kaya’s mother across the table, while Jae-line monopolised Namjoon completely, chattering away in Korean with no attention to anyone else.

Namjoon, ever the gentleman, engaged her fully; there wasn’t a moment where he tried to stop the conversation, his arm on the back of Kaya’s chair the entire time. Kaya stayed in conversation with Jack and her mother as much as she could, hoping that they wouldn’t allude to the situation at all.

Meeting her mother’s gaze was the hardest - not because Kaya was afraid she would disapprove, but because of how openly happy she looked. 

“Mom, we’re not back together yet,” she’d murmured halfway through dinner, when her mother had given her yet another glowing, knowing, mom look.

“I know,” she’d replied, glancing at Namjoon over Kaya’s shoulder, “but you want to be.”

Did she? Kaya didn’t know. She was sure what she felt for him, even what he possibly felt for her. She knew they were happy with each other, understood each other, had an unimaginable amount of affection for each other. 

But she didn’t know if she could do this again. As she sat next to Namjoon, feeling their shoulders brush occasionally and hearing his deep laugh next to her, she knew that “sleeping on it” would be far easier said than done.

“Thank you for dinner,” he says an hour later, bowing slightly to Jieun, Jack and her mother. “I had a great time.”

“I’ll walk you out,” says Kaya quickly, already turning towards the door, when Jae-lin pipes up.

“Oh, I’ll come, too!” she volunteers excitedly in English, and before anyone can say anything, sweeps by them and opens the front door. 

A moment of silence follows before Namjoon speaks. “Sure, lead the way,” he says, smiling at her and squeezing Kaya’s hand apologetically. It’s the only thing that keeps Kaya from saying anything, even as the three of them exit the house into the cold night.

She trails behind them, arms folded across her chest, as she listens to them converse in Korean again. For all she knows, Jae-lin has just resumed their conversation from dinner, the words blending into each other for Kaya. With Korean-American parents, Jae-lin speaks both Korean and English with ease. Right now, though, Kaya wishes she would just stop speaking.

“Wow, what a sexy car,” says Jae-lin in wonder, running her hand on the smooth metal of the bonnet. She looks up to see Kaya glaring at her with a hand on her hip. “What?” she asks defensively. “We all use that word, unnie.”

Kaya stares at her. “Hey, Jae? Can you give us a minute?”

Jae-lin’s eyes flit between her cousin and Namjoon before they widen suddenly, as though she’s just realising she might be interrupting. “Oh! Yes, of course! I - uh, good night, Namjoon oppa,” she adds hastily and hurries away. 

Kaya watches her until she enters the house before turning around to face Namjoon. “God, what a nightmare,” she mutters, rolling her eyes when he guffaws. “Shut up.”

“You shut up. You love her,” he says easily, still grinning.

“And you’re a saint.”

“Yeah, because you love her.” He leans back against his car again, the same way he was before. “And not to take a leaf out of Jae-lin’s book, but you looked really sexy being all strict with her.”

Kaya raises her eyebrows, feeling an old, familiar stirring in her abdomen. “Really?”

His smile gets wider. “Uh-huh.”

“I guess it’s a good quality for someone who’s working to be a professor one day.”

“Uh-uh. With a bunch of horny college students? They aren’t going to hear a word you say if you look at them like that,” he argues, taking a step closer to her.

The stirring passes from her abdomen to between her legs in an instant. “Okay, no. No flirting tonight,” she mutters, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him away. “Not when we’re in this… limbo.”

His jaw drops teasingly. “No flirting at all?”

“No. It’s supposed to be a serious night, to think. With the… thinking. And stuff.”

“Good call on those three glasses of wine during dinner.”

She sighs and drops her head in her hands. “I was nervous. But I’m okay, really,” she insists honestly, straightening up as he gently pries her hands away from her face.

Namjoon doesn’t say anything, just smiles at her fondly, his hands in the pockets of his jacket. It tugs at her heart, how transparent he’s being with his feelings. She’d seen it earlier in the evening, too, when they’d been navigating the market square to locate his car.

They’d stopped to open the map on his phone and Kaya had moved closer to him to be able to see the screen. All of a sudden, she’d heard him say something in Korean and looked up to see him smiling at an older couple who were walking away. Just before they disappeared from sight, the man had caught her eye and pointed upward. Slightly confused, she’d tilted her head up to see a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the wooden structure of the pop-up stall next to them.

Namjoon hadn’t said anything then either, choosing to simply suppress a smile and look somewhere near her shoulder, leaving the ball in her court. His you look pretty stunt was still burnt in her mind, though, so without too much thought, she’d reached up and pressed a kiss to his cheek before continuing walking.

It’s the same look now, the one where he seems to be on the verge of throwing caution to the wind. But she knows him too well, enough to know that caution is something he doesn’t play around with.

“Kaya…”

“Sleep on it,” she interrupts softly. “Seriously. It’ll be better.”

He looks for a moment as though he’s about to argue but at the last second simply nods. “Your hair’s longer,” he comments, fingering the ends of her loose, dark hair.

“Yeah. I’ll have to cut it soon.”

“Don’t. It’s beautiful.”

Kaya sighs. “Joon, you’re making this really hard,” she complains softly, her gaze dropping to his chest. She imagines him pulling her into it, feeling the hug she’s needed for months now.

“Sorry.” He swallows, just as a tune begins playing. His eyes light up in surprise. “Wait, do you know this song?”

“Uh… no,” she answers, frowning at the unfamiliar melody. It sounds like it’s coming from Jieun’s bedroom, but she can neither recall nor understand the lyrics. “Do you?”

“Yeah,” he says immediately, glancing up at the same window. “It’s pretty popular. It came out a long time ago, though. Like, when I was a baby.”

“Huh.” She listens for a few seconds. “Very Phil Collins,” she remarks.

Namjoon bites his lips and smiles, the dimple popping gorgeously. “You know what this reminds me of?”

Kaya grins despite herself. “Let me guess,” she begins deliberately as she lets him take her hand. “London?”

He chuckles, wrapping his other arm around her waist. “Hey, I can’t help it if London has so many good memories,” he reasons, his feet already moving in a rough rhythm. 

She laughs but doesn’t argue, choosing to enjoy how he feels against her for a few precious minutes - quite possibly the last few minutes that she’ll ever feel it. She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment before opening them, only to see a light over his shoulder.

“Oh, God. Can we not do this where the neighbour can see us from his bathroom?” she groans, starting to step away., 

Namjoon tugs her even closer. “No one’s watching us. It’s Christmas Eve; they have better things to do.”

“Actually, it’s Christmas Eve-Eve and - okay, we’re in direct eyeline of the main road. Namjoon, what if someone sees you - oh, my God!”

Kaya’s feet leave the ground all of a sudden and after two large strides, Namjoon places her back down on the ground, arm firm around her. She bursts into giggles, stifling them against his shoulder as she regains her balance, looking up to see them under the tree in Jieun’s front yard, the fairy lights giving them a warm glow.

“Is that better?” he asks, laughing.

“Much better,” she agrees, feeling her heart expand as she moves right up against him, holding his shoulder and pressing a kiss to his collarbone as the song continues playing.

“Good,” he murmurs, his lips at her hair. 

It isn’t a long song; Kaya’s just about registering how good he feels, how familiar, how safe, when the music fades away. They don’t step away from each other, though. She rests her forehead on his shoulder, hoping another song will play - anything to keep this moment going on a bit longer.

It doesn’t, but they still don’t move. She can feel Namjoon’s heartbeat against her hand, the one he’s clasping against his chest. 

“Do you still love me?” he asks quietly.

Just like yesterday when he’d texted unexpectedly, taking the initial step, displaying the first hints of vulnerability, Kaya feels every strip of remaining defensiveness fall away, leaving nothing but raw honesty behind. 

“Yes,” she admits, softly but clearly.

Namjoon’s arm tightens around her. “Can I kiss you?”

Her heart leaps. “Can you check if Jae-lin is still here?”

He snickers but she can feel his head tilt up. “No, she’s gone.”

“Then, yes,” she answers immediately, finally separating from him. Namjoon looks as though the sun’s come out; he exhales purposefully, his gaze falling from her eyes to her mouth. Gently moving her hair away from her face, he pulls her closer and, after more than half a year of doubt, anxiety and sadness, he kisses her.

The first time he’d ever kissed her was sweetness; sunny, warm and inviting. The next few times were flirty, sensual, teasing, followed by sexy, loving, affectionate - whatever the situation demanded. Namjoon was a hell of a kisser, his lips and body always moving in tandem, and he made her feel whatever the moment desired, every single time.

Right now, it’s a multitude of things. Kaya can’t even begin to identify it; she’s barely made it past the fact that she’s kissing him again, finally, feeling his lips and his hair and his hands on her. There are too many things in the kiss, but there’s only one thing clear in her mind: please don’t let this be goodbye.

It’s a vain hope because it may very well be, and she pulls him closer by the lapels of his jacket when she thinks it, trying somewhere in the desperation of their passion to remember that at least now, if they end everything right here, she’ll remember their last kiss.

Namjoon’s holding her close, so close. His lips are soft but firm, and the kiss sinking. When they finally pull away, staying right there, foreheads touching and his hand still in her hair, Kaya feels his heartbeat again. It’s under her palm, racing unevenly, but so strong.

This can’t be goodbye, she thinks again, even though every passing second makes it more and more clear that it probably is. It had been her suggestion to think it over and to consider more than just love, but in this moment, she regrets it immensely, for while Namjoon can be sweet and loving and romantic, nothing makes as much sense to him as pure, rational thinking. 

It was one of the most attractive qualities about him; he was an artist, had an artist’s vision and temperament, but still held logic and reasoning in high regard. To a research student who worked with numbers, data and science, he was the perfect combination of everything she wanted in a man.

Despite that, Kaya wishes she’d never said anything. Eyes squeezed shut, she can’t believe this might be the last time, the last everything. She feels him take a deep breath before he kisses her forehead.

And just like that, she knows she’s made a mistake.

“Goodnight, Kaya,” he whispers against her skin. He pulls away and smooths down her hair. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

There’s nothing left to do but nod silently, and watch him drive away into the cold.

—

A faint buzzing wakes her up.

“Fuck,” whispers Kaya, feeling around on her bedside table for her phone. Squinting at the screen, she pauses in confusion. When the ringing continues, she answers before she wakes her mother sleeping next to her.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Namjoon sounds far more awake than her. “Sorry, I think I woke you.”

“Good guess,” she mutters thickly, sitting up into a slightly more comfortable position. “What’s up? Is - is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” There’s a pause where she can hear the smile in his voice. “I forgot how adorable you sound when you’re sleepy.”

Despite how her heart skips a beat, she frowns. “Seriously? You woke me up at the break of dawn to flirt with me?”

He chuckles, low and pleasant. “No. I was hoping we could talk. In person,” he clarifies after a moment.

“I - well… I don’t think I’ll get a cab for a couple more hours at least.”

“Mhm, mhm. It’s a good thing I’m outside Jieun’s house, then.”

Kaya’s eyes snap open. “You’re - what?” She peers out of the gap between the curtains in the guest room. “Babe, it’s six am - the sun isn’t even up yet,” she groans, a second before she inwardly cringes and hopes he’ll let her slip of the tongue go without comment.

“I - I know. But I’ve been thinking about this all night. You asked me to sleep on it - and that’s what I did. I thought about it, looked back on everything, even had a drink to clear my head.”

“So you did everything but sleep on it.”

Namjoon sighs. “I’m sorry, I just… I have to leave in a few hours. And I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone.”

His tone seems to imply not wholly good news. She swallows, her heart already sinking. “And it can’t wait?” She drops her head into her hand. “I think those three glasses of wine are finally hitting me.”

“I have coffee,” he offers. “And the fresh air should help.”

Irrefutable logic. The smell of caffeine seems to spur her decision and she rolls her eyes. “Fine. Thank God you’re not my leader.”

He laughs. “I’m waiting outside,” he says before hanging up.

There’s no scope to pretty herself for this. Kaya manages to stumble to the bathroom and brush her teeth, after which it’s layer upon layer until she deems herself sufficiently padded for a December morning in Seoul at dawn. She doesn’t want to risk waking anyone up, so simply drops her mother a text: I’m fine. Just went outside for a walk with Namjoon. 

“Hey, beautiful,” he greets her when she steps out, pursing his lips when she momentarily freezes. “Here you go,” he says, handing her a cup of coffee.

“Thanks. I needed this.” She takes the first sip, hot enough to scald her throat, and shivers in the frosty air. They begin walking down the street, the same one they’d driven up last night, with hundreds of unspoken words between them. Now, with all of them uttered and confessed, the air seems clearer and sky seems lighter, a nice indigo over the Christmas lights put up through the lane.

“Thank you for having me over last night,” he says. “I was planning on going home and ordering in, so home-cooked food was kind of amazing.”

“Well, you definitely paid Jieun back in kind, by keeping her daughter entertained all night,” she reminds him, still annoyed by how gushy Jae-lin had been last night. She’d always been a fan, since years before Kaya and Namjoon had ever met, and even though she’d somehow managed to get used to the fact that they were dating, her outward behaviour still needed some restraining sometimes.

Namjoon laughs. “I didn’t mind.” He’s dressed in sweatpants and a grey hoodie, with a black leather jacket thrown hurriedly over it. Looking at him, it’s as though he’d rushed out the door to meet with her.

They reach the neighbourhood park, empty as expected. It seems to be the only area in the entire neighbourhood that isn’t decorated; at this time of the morning, it looks strangely eerie.

“This should work,” mutters Namjoon, stepping inside and heading towards the swings, sitting on one edge of a two-person swing. Kaya trails after him silently, stopping a few steps away as he adjusts his position and looks up at her.

It’s gorgeous, his small smile. “Sit with me?” he asks. “I always loved going to the park as a kid. My parents would get happy because it meant I was taking a break from studying.” He chuckles.

Kaya doesn’t move. Dropping her gaze to the cup in her hand, she traces the mouth of the lid with her finger. “What’s happening right now, Namjoon? Is this us taking another risk together or… just an amicable way to say goodbye?”

Namjoon’s smile fades slightly. “Sit with me?” he repeats, sounding more sombre this time. “I’ll explain everything.”

Hesitating for a moment, Kaya joins him on the swing. Their shoulders brush, and she tucks her hair behind her ear before placing both hands around her cup like a safety tool, savouring the heat from it.

He takes a deep breath. “I thought about it,” he says finally. “In fact, I’ve been thinking about it all night. And if you ask me right now if I want to get back together… the answer is yes. It’s just yes,” he says earnestly, meeting her eyes. “I don’t have to think about it. I - I want you,” he admits. “I want to be your boyfriend. I want you in my life.”

I want you. The words should be enough for her to break into song, but instead Kaya’s chest constricts, as though her heart is bracing itself for the bad news.

“But if you’re asking me about a decision,” he continues, looking away now. “If you’re asking me about a long-term plan for our future - which is a fair ask, by the way,” he inserts quickly, glancing up briefly, “I - you know, it turns out I’ve been thinking about this for a while? I didn’t realise it, but it’s always been there at the back of my mind.”

Kaya doesn’t say anything. There’s a sense of foreboding in his words and she wonders all of a sudden if it isn’t just better to have a break-up over the phone.

“Given my job,” he says slowly, sounding like he’s choosing his words carefully, “given the industry, given my family… the fact that I’ll have to enlist in the military in a few years -” He breaks off momentarily and clears his throat, while her heart clenches. “Given all that, I think it would be impossible - and irresponsible - of me to promise you a future that I don’t know if I’ll be able to give you.”

“But I can promise you,” he says after a moment, and she knows he’s tilting his head to try and meet her eyes, “that every decision I take, every plan that I make… all of that will be done keeping this future in mind. The one with you in it.”

She frowns, finally looking up at him. “Are you sure?” she asks, and she hopes he understands what she’s asking.

He seems to. “Yeah, I am. I can’t… not have you in my future. If I look down ten years, fifteen years, twenty… I just can’t picture a future without you in it.”

Kaya doesn’t know what to say. They’ve just ventured into territory she wasn’t expecting. It’s not commitment. It’s not even a plan. It’s just a promise of intent, and she has no choice but to take him at his word.

He brushes her knee with the back of his hand. “Kaya?”

She bites her lip. “This… future,” she ventures, finding it strange even saying the word. “If you had it your way… what does it look like?”

Namjoon seems to consider this. “White picket fence,” he says, nodding. “And a backyard, definitely.”

Without meaning to, Kaya feels her face break into a smile. “Really?”

“Yeah. And, uh… one of those small bars in the house, with a countertop and the mixer things,” he adds, using an imaginary shaker. “A suburban house… late night drinks, where we talk about how our day was.” He looks down at her and smirks playfully. “Meeting for quickies in the studio during lunch?”

Kaya laughs. “Of course, I’m sure,” she says sarcastically, secretly unable to wait for more. “What else?”

“Um…” He squints up at the lightening sky, trying to think. “Museum dates on the weekends… Learning how to use a lawnmower.”

“I’m sorry,” she says softly, reaching up to touch his bangs, her heart full, “but there is no future in which I’m ever letting you near a lawnmower.”

Namjoon snorts. “Fair enough. What about… oh, a home gym, for sure.” The smile fades a bit, and he gets a slightly faraway look in his eyes. “An SUV… big enough to fit multiple people.” He meets her eyes. “Four bedrooms. At least.”

She swallows, her heart pounding. The prickling in her eyes is back and she stares at her lap, hoping it’ll go away. “Are you really serious right now?” she asks quietly, hearing the tremble in her voice.

“Completely,” he promises. “I know it’s not what you asked, and I’m sorry I can’t give that to you. But it’s the best I can do. Is it… is it enough for you?”

After what feels like an eternity, but is really only a few seconds, Kaya nods. “Yes,” she answers, watching the relief flood through his face. “It’s enough for me.” 

When Namjoon says nothing and simply exhales shakily, she tilts her head. “Do you still love me?” she asks him, unable to keep the teasing out of her tone.

He gives a raspy sort of chuckle, pulling her to him and kissing her temple. “You’re the love of my life, baby.”

This would be the time to break into song, but Kaya reins it in, choosing instead to close her eyes and press her lips to his jaw, savouring that Kim Namjoon is, once again, hers - possibly for a long, long time.

“You know I spent, like, an hour yesterday picking out my outfit,” she murmurs after a moment, waiting for him to hum against her hair. “Should I get mad at you now or later for choosing to confess your undying love for me when I’m in a college sweatshirt and Jieun’s Uggs?”

He laughs, the deep sound making her heart flutter. “If it helps, I realised my undying love for you yesterday, while you were in your sexy outfit.” He tugs her closer by the waist and kisses her on the mouth.

Kaya makes a sound of surprise but doesn’t pull away. She holds his face to hers, running her hand through his hair, his thick blond strands as he gently coaxes her mouth open. There’s only so much room on the swing, though, and after about a minute of renewed passion, Kaya feels it sway dangerously under her. She’s just about to pull away when Namjoon sucks on her lower lip, a low groan accompanying it, and squeezes her waist - and she falls.

“Shit,” he mutters, taking a second to understand what just happened. “Are you okay?” he asks, snickering and bending to give her a hand. His dimple appears on his left cheek, brighter than the sunrise.

“What better way to resume our relationship, right?” she mutters dryly, taking his hand and dusting herself off. “The sun’s coming up, anyway - you don’t want to get caught making out with someone in a children’s park.”

“What kid comes to the park at seven in the morning?” he argues, tugging her closer by the waist again. “It’s the perfect place to make out with my girlfriend, if you think about it.”

She’s about to differ, but he kisses her on the cheek then before trailing his lips down her jaw and towards her neck. She sighs, her eyes fluttering shut on their own. He leaves for Ilsan in a few hours; if there was ever a time to risk making out in a public place, this is it.

“Fine, come here,” she instructs, stepping away and ignoring his protests, pulling him towards the corner of the park. She stops just beyond the jungle gyms, near the wall bordering the park and under a canopy of trees. “This will do,” she says approvingly, grinning when he wordlessly kisses her again.

Here, with the protection of the trees from prying eyes, Kaya allows herself to be taken by him completely. It’s the same urgent passion, but less desperate and more affectionate. Museum dates, late night drinks and an SUV, she thinks, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeper. He knew the right things to say and she hopes with all her heart that they make it to the future he’s envisioning.

“Mm, Joon, your hands are cold,” she complains against his lips, giggling as he slips them under her t-shirt. 

“They are, huh?” he murmurs, low and deep, nipping at her lip and backing her against the wall.

“Fucking freezing,” she adds, sighing when they disappear from against her skin. “Can we go back to my - oh, wait,” she remembers, leaning her head back against the wall. “This isn’t Amsterdam and I don’t have an apartment of my own.”

“Well, it’s Seoul and I do have an apartment of my own,” he points out. “I have to be back in Ilsan for brunch but maybe we can sneak away for a bit…?” Namjoon trails off, shaking his head already, clearly on the same lines as her.

“We can do better than a quickie,” she says heavily, even as she presses her lips together. Her eyes dart to the bulge in his sweatpants and she swallows, resisting the urge to palm him right here. “When are you back?”

“Twenty-seventh morning,” he answers. “When are you flying back?”

Kaya hesitates. “Twenty-eighth morning.”

“Okay.” He nods, brushing his thumb against her cheek. “It’s going to be a hell of a twenty-seventh of December, then.”

She smiles and nods. “Yeah. I’m glad you’ll be with your family on Christmas, by the way.”

“Me, too.” 

“Do you want to come over for a quick breakfast?” she offers, raising her eyebrows. “Everyone in that house is an early riser, including Jae-lin.”

“Sure,” he answers, surprising her. “You can tell her we’re back together, too.”

“Perfect.”

“Oh, wait.” Namjoon frowns, apparently just remembering something. “Won’t they be worried? If they wake up and see that you’re gone?”

“We’re half a block away from the house,” she reminds him.

“Sure, but they don’t know you’re here,” he points out.

She shakes her head. “Don’t worry. I dropped my mom a text.”

“Do you think that’s enough?”

“She’ll know I’m okay,” assures Kaya, getting up on her tiptoes to kiss him again. “I told her I’m with you.”

—

Thank you for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

[amphiptere-art]

Dim was devastated when the old man stopped coming around. Being an animatronic. Death by old age wasn't something he really considered. Animatronics die when they get dismantled or injured. (Sure technically old age can get them by rust. But usually taking care of yourself extends that.)

So when the old man just didn't show up one day. They were completely confused and concerned. Plus they had the old man's hurty-gurdy. The old man had basically lent it, because Dim was going to try and do his best audition for Sun and Moon. Since sun and moon didn't know how to play any rock like instruments. So he was fully expecting to give it back. But the old man wasn't there. (In fact the old man was going to give him the hurdy-gurdy either way. He knew he was on his last strides.)

With the fact that Dim even did an audition. With an instrument that was not supplied in the pizzaplex. Everyone was pretty quickly learning that there was something different with dim. But like always. Sun and Moon were ignoring it. (Mostly for their own hides to not get in trouble.) But the others weren't quite so ignorant. Now Dim was being let out for a specified amount of time each day to play a song or two.

And they could notice the absolute sadness in Dim. DIm had come running too Eclipse quickly to ask why the old man wasn't there. He simply couldn't fathom that the old man wasn't around anymore. Or at least was stuck at home in bed. Eclipse tried his hardest to calm the little guy down. Basically having to explain slowly and painfully that even if the old man had simply been bedridden. They probably would never see him again. And Dim was very sad at this idea.

No one could ignore that dim got this hurdy-gurdy from somewhere. No one could ignore that dim. Despite having been in all their eyes nothing more than a simple AI. Was seemingly sulking and at times looks like he was going to cry. The kids couldn't ignore it either. The evil policeman version of Sun and Moon looked sad. They would play songs on stage and then immediately looks sad. Everyone was trying to talk with them, but Sun and Moon were gate keeping hard. Basically not allowing anyone to figure out what was wrong.

At least until that one scenario where the owner finally catches Dim talking with Eclipse. When they quickly catch on that dim is hiding something, and sun and moon aren't being nice to them. Sun and Moon are called out for what they did. And eventually even eclipse gets a point in time to chew them out. Even if it was extremely dangerous for him.

It took a while for anyone to even realize Dim had this old man friend. They kind of had to rebuild their relationships with Dim. They finally got to hear about it when eclipse was given freedoms by the owner. Who basically just helped dim start off. Everyone was practically surprised that this little AI had a companion even when he was a tiny nonsentient drone. And at that point didn't finally had a group other than eclipse just sort of grieve with.

The old man never came back and no one could really figure out who he was. The warehouse isn't necessarily incredibly close to any living areas. Sure it's closer to a bunch of stores. But no one could track down a nearby housing district that possibly had the old guy. He was gone. But even when Dim was given a new hurdy-gurdy far more themed to the pizza place. He kept the hurdy gurdy. One part of him hoping that somebody would recognize it and tell him what happened. And another part to just remember him.

[ystk-archive]

[TRANSLATION] The story of how capsule formed (from Interview File Cast vol.24)

The following is the first page from capsule's interview with Interview File Cast, published in the summer of 2001 while promoting their second single Hanabi. Translation by ystk-archive; rest of the interview will be done...hopefully someday! (It's ten pages long.)

▼ᐃ▼

– Since this is your first interview with us, I’d like to start off by asking how you two got to debut as capsule. I heard you met at the 1997 Hokuriku Teens’ Music Festival…

Nakata: That’s right. We knew of each other’s existence before then, but we’d just say “hey” and that was it. We might’ve spoken properly for the first time at that festival. She was doing some kind of acoustic pop music there with a girl who played the keyboard. Koshijima was the one who did the singing.¹

– Was the type of music they were doing pretty simple compared to what you do now?

Koshijima: I’d say so. Nakata: She just sang ballads and that was it. I had met all kinds of people doing music before I even went to the festival, but at the time I was a soloist and the songs I performed were all instrumental. I’d been thinking I wanted to make vocal music, so I was wondering if I should be looking for a singer… And she just happened to be there. Koshijima: Uh-huh, I just happened to be there. It was entirely by chance, me being there (laughs). Nakata: (laughs) It was a little while after that before we actually formed the unit, but in the meantime we recorded a demo tape.

– Together?

Nakata: Yes. To be honest, my goal was to record a demo tape. We didn’t particularly want to do performances.

– You only recorded a demo tape?

Nakata: So when I talked to her, I asked her if she could do me a favor. I went like, “I was wondering if you’d wanna try singing a song for me…” The track that she sang on was pretty good, lots of people who listened to it told me “it’s amazing!” – even the staff members liked it.² That put the idea in my head to do more songs with her, and while we were working on those we started wondering if it’d be a good idea to try performing live. Then it was like, well then, let’s think of a name for the unit. So that’s the reason why capsule formed. That said, it did take a while from when we recorded that song on the demo tape to actually create the unit; I think maybe two months or more.

– The fact that all this started from just wanting to record a demo tape makes for a rather interesting story of how you two met. But Koshijima-san, what was your first impression of Nakata-san, when he approached you like that?

Koshijima: He was kinda intimidating because he seemed like he didn’t want to have anything to do with anyone, but once I started speaking with him he was surprisingly easy to talk to.

– So you had no problem agreeing to record the demo?

Koshijima: Even though I was already involved in a music duo with another person, I also felt like I wanted to work with other people… I thought it was good timing, so I said “OK.”

– On the other hand, Nakata-san, what kind of first impression did you have of Koshijima-san?

Nakata: My first impression of her? …To put it nicely, she was very interested in what other people were doing? Koshijima: That sounds kinda bad (laughs).

– (laughs). How so?

Koshijima: It’s like saying I’m nosy? Nakata: You were popping up all over the place (laughs). Like anywhere that there were people, you would show up... Or at least that’s what I noticed. It wasn’t even humanly possible, the way you managed to be everywhere. You’d be there before I even realized it. Koshijima: (laughs)

– Promoting yourself is important though.

Koshijima: That’s right. Nakata: She’s the type to show off when she does anything even remotely fun. I would take photos with my friends at concerts and stuff, and she’d show up in the background even though I didn’t know her at all. I was like, “Why are you in this picture?” (laughs) Koshijima: Like you were thinking “who the hell is this?” (laughs)

– Would you say that the reason you ran into each other so often was because you were both pursuing music?

Koshijima: That, and the live houses were reeeally small. Nakata: Plus we were in the same grade level.

– Did you go to the same high school?

Koshijima: We went to different schools. We met by chance at local venues.

¹ The duo Koshijima was in with another girl was called “chick.” ² I’m not sure what staff members he’s referring to here.

[thesinglesjukebox]

NEWJEANS - "HOW SWEET"

Breaking up: it's like sugar sometimes...

[6.69]

Rachel Saywitz: NewJeans has found a comfortable home in the production of DJ and electro-trot producer 250, whose musical style has become so singular that I'd start putting him up there with some of the other K-pop producing greats like Brave Brothers, the late Shinsadong Tiger, or Sweetune. His method continues to work well on "How Sweet": adding a little shimmering twist to American club genres (Miami bass in this case), seamless transitions from section to section, and the light vocal touch of every girl's vocals. But, as with the greats, I sense a slight loss of luster with the constant repetition. How many underground genres is 250 going to fish out of the Western world's murky waters to can up and ship out with a shiny new label? The catches are going to dry up eventually. [7]

Kayla Beardslee: NewJeans’ early singles smashed, bringing them ridiculous and unprecedented success for a first-year K-pop rookie group, because they delivered masterfully crafted pop songs in deceptively simple packaging. "Hype Boy" plows through enough memorable hooks for an entire album in a minute and a half, yet sounds so breezy and youthfully optimistic that the music doesn’t feel like work at all. Beneath the soft swells and whispers of "Ditto" is an instrumental that has a beautifully subtle touch with intimacy and a topline that stays in constant motion even as it tantalizingly holds itself back. In comparison, “How Sweet” is more of an underachieving graduate of the Tortured Poets school of songwriting. In each section of the song, they pick one melody with a limited dynamic range, hammer it into the ground, then tick the box and move on. For a Coca-Cola ad, it’s pretty flat.  [5]

Mark Sinker: Chirpy song about how breaking up with u is great and also v easy bcz u suck and I never liked u! Happily the real-world backdrop (MASSIVE INDUSTRY DRAMA pitting label against manager) cannot possibly ground this as a metaphor. The delivery turns the tale of the change from oops non-allegory into smilingly blank-faced stonewall. [7]

Iain Mew: They stretch simplicity as a virtue further than ever, relying almost entirely on immaculate floaty vibes. The almost is crucial, though; the "...now that I'm without you" kicker adds just enough bitterness to keep this from  feeling completely blank. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: "How Sweet" is one of the most powerful kiss-offs we've had in years because it treats the end of a relationship as something so effortless, so natural, "like biting an apple." Even when lines are acerbic ("toxic lover, you're no better"), they are delivered with the exact amount of lift needed to signal both disgust and nonchalance. NewJeans do not care about this ex anymore, and they wield their restraint with grace; this is living well as the best revenge, and the song is potent because it feels like mist on a hot summer day. Producer 250 has always known how to excavate the potential of a minimalist pop song, and he's found an especially strong avenue here with the skeleton of an Atlanta bass track. The regional style (and specifically the Ghost Town DJ's track "My Boo") has had a large impact on K-pop since "Body Party" got big, but 250 makes it a more congenial affair: the hi-hats are low in the mix, the handclaps have more pop than the kick, and it all feels muted so the bubbly synth melodies and percussion—the latter approximating the "Triggerman" sample used in bounce classics—can flutter about. "How Sweet" is the most everyday that NewJeans has sounded, and it's all the more biting for it. [7]

Ian Mathers: It's devastating enough to get a "I'm doing better without you" message delivered with such nonchalant cool, but to make it a bop too? Really drives the implied "I probably didn't care that much in the first place" home, ouch. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: A very NewJeansian take on the break up-come down song; it's a harder feeling to make sound giddy, but they pull it off here. The fragments jutting out from the sing-talk ("like biting an apple"; "no drama, it's good karma"; "little demon in my storyline" most of all) are thrilling and deranged, the kind of phrases that become involuntary mantras and mutterings when you make your way out of something all-consuming and are faced with the shock of the new. Most of the writing about NewJeans centers on their musical trappings, but the Miami bass riffs here are more perfunctory than their prior dalliances with drum-n-bass and Jersey club. That's not to say that it's a bad song — that bassline itself, rubbery and grooving, is gorgeous — but that it shares less with the perfect grooves that "OMG" and "Ditto" than first appears. [9]

Oliver Maier: Unusual for NewJeans both in that it is kind of a retread (think "OMG" 2: Not As Good) and that the performances are really quite listless. The thing about girl groups from anywhere in the world is that their songs tend to implode the moment it sounds like they aren't having fun. [5]

Jonathan Bradley: There's not the great shock of the new provided by genre experiments like "Super Shy" or "Ditto," but the R&B-lite of "How Sweet" gets some extra mileage from burbling percussion runs and photon-light electro textures. Switching between English and Korean lines in the hook is smart songwriting as well as smart globalization; it adds variation to a melody that threatens to run out of ideas after a mere three-and-a-half minutes.  [6]

Michael Hong: Initially put off by how weary the vocals sound -- NewJeans have always been low-key, but they've never sounded so spent. But it starts making sense when you consider that NewJeans are just as much about the experience of sharing these milestones as they are living them. Backed by a laser show of synths, "How Sweet" is about convincing yourself that you're okay after a heartbreak and proving it to your friends. This exhaustion makes the sharper moments more effective: the wistfulness of "it's like biting an apple" longs harder, and the snarky "I'll see you out" that closes the track is a truly satisfying line read. With every chorus, the bitter tartness lessens and the the sweetness pops brighter. [7]

Alfred Soto: The relaxed sensuality is what I wanted from this week's Tinashe track. The melodies are sticky and sweet. [7]

Nortey Dowuona: The drum programming is a bouncy, yet flimsy kick snare pattern full of glittery lasers and clinking closed hi-hats. At first, it overwhelms you, with the rising hit arriving every four bars and doubling during the post chorus, but once you pay attention to the looping, ghostly synth melody, you feel toward a handhold in the wind. [6]

Isabel Cole: I get so excited by the aliens-attacking space-laser sounds at the beginning, and then it all mellows out to make room for an uninspiring vocal line delivered uninspiringly. Things perk up a little in the chorus (I remain a sucker for handclaps!), but unfortunately the actual melody continues to be the worst part of the song, to the extent that I think I'd prefer an instrumental version. [5]

Katherine St. Asaph: The melody on the verses sounds like something off PinkPantheress's Heaven Knows, which is some real influencer-becomes-influenced ouroboros shit. But "How Sweet" settles into a chorus that's undeniably itself, frenetic but small: kind of like "Let the Music Play" recreated by one of those miniscule Helmacron ships from Animorphs in tiny zaps and little plinks. And I do mean "settles": there's less fizz in the pop than there could have been, and NewJeans' vocals range from effortless to affectless, unbothered to unengaging. [6]

TA Inskeep: I'm absolutely here for NewJeans giving us a little bit of ecstasy. If this kicks off a revival of second-wave freestyle, I'll be very happy. (Someone call Sabrina Carpenter to the white courtesy phone, stat!) [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: “How Sweet” is the most subdued and pedestrian newjeans have sounded. The beeps and blorps and percussion taste sweet, but the vocals are bitter and dull. But when the production has so many dynamic flourishes, and the meta-narrative around the group is so interesting, the score floor is high.  [6]

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