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originallandlockedmariner · 4 months

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I’m nothing special.

I’m just flawed and weak as the next person. I let my emotions get the best of me at times. I’m not perfect. I read old messages looking for clues. I listen to old playlists of sad songs when I’m sad. I swear too much. Drink too much. I can be selfish and impatient. I’m a sarcastic asshole for alarmingly long periods of the day. I regret choices I’ve made, words I’ve said in anger, people I’ve let down. I’m no role model. Wow, there’s an understatement. But every day I own my shit. I’m accountable and humble. Every day, I try to just be a little bit better than yesterday. Becoming who you are is a life long journey, baby step after setback after stumble after lesson learned. Forever forward. Green and growing as they say.

I wake up and look at those four framed sentences. “Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best.” Simple and yet powerful.

Every day, I’m trying to see things differently. Gain perspective. Embrace not taking every single thing personally. Getting cut off in traffic, not personal. Waiting forever in line for coffee, not personal. It is an uphill climb getting comfortable with the concept that nothing others’ do is directly because of you or to upset you. People do what they do because of themselves. That’s it. Even when they treat you awfully or take you for granted, it has more to do with what’s going on with them than you. *insert lecture about Attribution Error.

As for assumptions, I kinda have a PhD in that field. Never met a situation, never had a conversation, never waited for a text, that I couldn’t attach an assumption to. Assumptions are generally born from misunderstanding and a fear of asking questions. Fear of what might be said. We lack courage to inquire so instead we stand back and fill the void with the worst. Draw from our past pain and create a narrative. I’m trying to break that cycle. Ask more questions. Communicate. Be clear and upfront. I can no longer assume others know what I mean or want and then get upset when they don’t act accordingly. It’s unfair to them and only serves to hurt me in the process.

I’m making integrity part of my daily practice. Speaking with integrity. Actions with integrity. And above all, avoiding the trappings of believing my own landslide of bullshit, being my own worst enemy, and justifying every blunder. Be better. Sidestep gossip and small talk. Apologize when you hurt someone. Accept that you’ll be wrong sometimes. Or in my case, a lot. Do what you say you’ll do. Character isn’t built upon what you said you’d do, but what you rolled up your sleeves and actually did.

As for always doing my best, I’m still figuring out what that animal looks like. I strive to be helpful, but sometimes when you’re always available, they take you for granted, not because they are selfish or unkind, but because they think you’ll always stay. Let them miss you for a while. This goes against everything I am but makes sense. I’ve also learned that there is no shame in being broken and anxious and sad. Be whatever you are right now. No need to make excuses or try to minimize the hurt, deny the confusion. You cannot learn about yourself if at first you aren’t frustrated and confused, the hard questions are born from this. You cannot heal without first being damaged. So be broken and anxious and sad. Cope however you need to; as long as you need to, for there is no instruction manual for this, we all make it up as we go along. Day by day and more often, minute by minute. So as for my best, I guess it is just knowing that when I put my head on the pillow, I gave all that I could, was kinder than I needed to be, inspired a few, and made sure the garage door is closed.

I’m nothing special. But I didn’t lose my shit on the drive into work, didn’t assume sporadic texts were anything but a busy day, and a couple people told me that they are grateful for me - so I’m gonna just go ahead and chalk today up as a win.

@originallandlockedmariner

#me #my words

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animeomegas · 3 years

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Omega!Obey Me characters forgetting a mating anniversary

Anon: reactions to their alpha missing an anniversary? or you could switch it and do reactions to realizing they forgot an anniversary. either or !

Anon part 2: hi! i’m the anon from the anniversary request. i was thinking maybe the obey me! fandom? whichever characters you like. my exams are coming to an end so i’m looking forward to spending hours on that app during the summer 😤😤 i hope you’re doing well ! 💕

(Hey hey!! I’m going to do their reactions to forgetting a mating anniversary, because they’ve been alive a long time, I imagine it would happen at least one hehe. Let’s see~)

Warnings: Mention of sex in Asmo’s section

Lucifer – He denies it at first. He can’t have forgotten, he would never forget something so important, you must have the date wrong. His response is very likely to make his alpha either more angry or more upset, and he inadvertently blows the whole thing out of proportion because he struggles to admit that he’s wrong. But when he realises that he is wrong? That he was so caught up in paperwork for Diavolo he did forget? It’s a hard pill to swallow. He would probably buy his alpha some expensive flowers as an apology of sorts, but unless he’s been in a relationship with his alpha for several hundred years, I don’t see him directly apologising. He does feel guilty, but he really finds it hard to articulate. The upside is that it’s extremely unlikely that he’ll ever do it again. He’s checking four times every week at least now that he hasn’t missed any important dates by mistake.

“Our anniversary is next week, my beloved, you must have confused the dates.”

Mammon – Mammon metaphorically shits himself when he realises he forgot an anniversary. His scent is pure, unadulterated panic. His first instinct is to plan an anniversary event that moment. Hell’s Kitchen must still be open right? He tries to pull his alpha with him right that second. If that doesn’t work, he starts to panic that he’s ruined the most important thing in his life. This is when the begging starts. He says sorry about a hundred times, will get on his knees, offer whatever you want as long as you forgive him. Mammon is actually a very compassionate person who doesn’t like upsetting his loved ones, so it’s very hard to stay mad at him. Unfortunately, he’s not great at keeping track of dates, so it might happen again. The best thing to do is organise something together and give him a few reminders when that date’s coming up.

“Oh shit! Er, Hell’s Kitchen is still open right?? I’ll buy you whatever you want, we’ll order one of everything, does that work?”

Leviathan – He almost certainly forgets because of some game event or new releases. And to make everything worse, at first he acts like the game and event was more important than the anniversary and he thinks it’s a legitimate excuse that you can’t argue with. He realises pretty quickly after the event finishes that he’s completely alone because you’re mad at him. He turns to tell you everything about the game but you don’t want to listen to him?? He sulks in his room for a while. What pushes him to apologise is when he sees you hanging out with other people instead of him. He growls away the other person, pulling you into his room and sobbing angrily against you, asking why you love other people more than him. He apologises then, desperate to have his best friend and lover back with him. He might do it again, but he learns pretty quickly to just communicate when he wants to partake in a special gaming event and then he never forgets again.

“W-Why don’t you love m-me, like you l-love him?! I’m sorry, p-please don’t leave!”

Satan – He feels guilty, but he handles it well. He is phenomenal at apology dates. He organises the perfect romantic date, taking into consideration his alpha’s likes and integrating them. If you have a favourite romantic novel, you know he’s going to recreate a date scene with you. If you have a favourite restaurant, he’s booked the best table and ordered a bouquet of your favourite flowers for the centrepiece. It’s very hard to stay mad at Satan, especially because it’s very out of character for him to forget a date so important.

“If you want any more drinks, just let me know. I want you to enjoy this evening as much as possible.”

Asmodeus – He also deals with it fairly well, even if he can’t believe that he forgot! He’s honest and upfront about forgetting and expresses regret. He will definitely try to seduce you as an apology though, offering to let you do whatever you want to him. If that doesn’t work, next step is a joint pampering session! He’s pretty good at conveying a genuine apology without making anything too dramatic. I think it’s unlikely that he would do it again, because he loves, loves, loves anniversaries!!! He genuinely can’t believe that he forgot because he normally plans everything months in advance.

“Oh! I can’t believe that I… Oh dear, here come to my room and let me make it up to you…”

Beelzebub – He’s heartbroken that he forgot! He is so upset. He apologises immediately, looking like he’s on the verge of tears, and he asks you to tell him what he needs to do to make it up to you. He doesn’t offer up solutions, he wants his alpha to pick something, so he knows they’ll enjoy it. The only thing he definitely does immediately, is offer whatever food he’s been saving for them to share with him while they discuss. He will likely ask for advice from some of his brothers, probably Belphie (who doesn’t help) and Asmo (who’s slightly more helpful). He may do it again, but he always tries his hardest to make your anniversaries as special as he can.

“Here, you can have my ice cream… I’m really sorry… What can I do?”

Belphegor – He doesn’t think it’s a big deal that he forgot, because you can both just rearrange it, right? I think it’s pretty unlikely that his alpha takes kindly to that opinion. It takes Belphie a little while to realise that a) he’s in the wrong and b) he needs to apologise. He’s not good at planning, but when he genuinely puts his mind to it, he’s actually pretty good at giving gifts. He buys something you’ve been wanting for a while, he might even put a sticky bow on top if you’re upset enough. He gives you the gift while mumbling apologies. The second you forgive him, he drags you to take a nap with him because he hasn’t been sleeping well since you’ve been mad at him. He’s pretty likely to do it again at least a few times, but he learns not to be such a dick about it eventually.

“Oh, I guess I must have forgot… We can just go tomorrow; I want to take a nap.”

Diavolo – He is gutted that he forgot. He organises the most extravagant apology dinner possible (which is pretty extravagant, because he’s a king, very dramatic, and very in love all at once). He gives a dramatic speech about how there’s no excuse, how he never wants you to think he doesn’t value your relationship etc. At this point, I imagine most people would be begging him to chill out and promising that they already forgave him. Either way, I don’t think it would ever happen again, especially because he tells all of his staff to remember your anniversary and always remind him the week before. He isn’t going to let this happen again.

“My love, I will never forgive myself for hurting you in this way. I will never stop trying to make it up to you, even if it takes me a millennium.”

Barbatos – This would never happen. He is amazing at keeping organisational data in his brain, especially data that means so much to him. Also, he can see the future, so, even if by some miracle he did forget, he would see your future reaction and know in advance that he forgot. Barbatos isn’t perfect, but he’s not one to forget important dates.

Simeon – Simeon is another one who is heartbroken that he’s treated his most beloved one this way. He feels awful. He does tear up a little bit if the relationship is old enough. Simeon makes a huge effort to create some adorable picnic date, cooking baskets and baskets of food and picking the most beautiful park. He brings flowers and bunting and a little cake that he ices with an apology in an unbelievably cute handwriting style. It’s very, very hard not to forgive him when he’s so apologetic and good at making you smile. He goes out of his way to make sure he never upsets his alpha in this way again.

“My beloved, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I will seek to make it up to you for as long as you’ll let me.”

Solomon – He doesn’t care that much about anniversaries but he’s not dumb enough (like some other people on this list *cough*) to think that saying that to your face is a good idea. He definitely tries to play it off as though he had something planned all along and that making you think he forgot was part of the plan. He then scrambles to plan things last minute, and he’s quite good at covering up his mistake. If his alpha doesn’t believe him, he makes up for his mistake with expensive and rare gifts. He will find something special for his alpha. A first edition copy of your favourite book or limited edition merchandising of your favourite media, something like that. He knows the excitement will help dull any negative emotions you have towards him. I could definitely see him doing it multiple times, but if his alpha ever expressed genuine hurt long-term about that particular habit, he would readjust his priorities. He’s not a complete asshole after all, he just sometimes has a hard time pulling his head out of said asshole.

“Here, it took me three days to track down someone who had a copy, but I finally found a first edition for you. I hope you will accept this as a token of my apology, my dearest.”

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suck-on-a-fire-ball · 2 years

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It sounds like it is very different being a spirit! I do wonder who that spirit in the varterral might be, but I am going to respect Justice’ wishes and not push further. Now, having a varterral as a pet… it might be fun! I can imagine it wanting to assist you at the clinic, and ending up sulking in a corner because it can’t figure out how to wrap a bandage properly, what will all those legs. The cats might not like it, though! Especially if the varterral knocks over those milk bowls… Perhaps better safe than sorry on this one!

While I do agree that all plights are equally important, I also think making comparisons, and especially parallelles, is sometimes necessary in order to have people understand. Just as you pointed out, a non-mage may not understand the mages’ suffering, but if you show the similarities to another plight (like treatment of the mentally ill) it becomes more relatable. Allegory and symbolism are powerful tools, as well! Just as in your society, there are many things that need fixing in ours. There’s sexism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableisim and many other toxic problems. I’ve had to choose a couple of them that are the most important to me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get upset about the rest… As for magic, people here used to believe in it a few hundred years ago. Many feared it, which led to witch hunts and executions. Some of that can be directly placed at the Church’s feet, along with a lack of understanding and a nice dose of misogyny. However, there have always been stories about magic. Stories that are loved all over the world. At some point, I’ll tell you of the Legend of Atlantis if you like. It is…different, and the sort of story many would say there is no proof of – partly because much of said ”proof” comes from psychics. Me, I believe it whole-heartedly. But I am a little weird sometimes!

If mages were integrated into your society, I wonder if fear would be as prevalent as it is? I imagine magic can be used to make life easier in many ways! Farming, construction work… and, of course, healing. Not to mention art and music. I can certainly think of a few things I would like to try if I had magic! Someone clearly benefits from mages being feared, locked up and treated as things. The Chantry? Some other group in power? The whole system seems absurd and heartbreakingly cruel to me. I understand that there are some bad mages, but that doesn’t make it acceptable to lock up and mistreat every mage! Obviously, you already know that… sorry. I got carried away.

@aidanthecryptid

...

Part 3 / 4

You make a good point though about a pet Varterral… the cats would not appreciate the presence of such a large, frightening creature. That convinced me more than Justice’s warnings, or even the pure risk of potentially getting caught – having cats around is very important after all! Let’s leave the Varteralls to their own lives.

Thank you for seeing my side of things! I agree, sometimes making such parallels is important – I fear though that people will miss the point of understanding and begin to assume that the plights are all equal or similar. Each plight has its own struggles. Sometimes, to make someone understand, you have to take some more drastic measures though, even if those drastic measures tiptoe on a line of going too far…

Ah but you mention stories of magic? Stories stem from some truth, don’t they? (I shall actively refrain from starting a rant based on the words ‘witch hunts’ and ‘executions’ – I hope my society never stoops to such measures… Of course I don’t know the context, but the words alone already allude to something far worse than I like to imagine). If it is not too much trouble, I would be very happy to hear about this ‘Atlantis’. Especially if you believe in it – I am curious to hear your thoughts!

I met a psychic once. Most of them communicate with spirits in some form or way, here in my society. The issue with this is the authenticity of what these spirits tell the psychics. Some times they are truthful, and sometimes the spirits seem to enjoy playing with us a little. The time I met a psychic the only information the spirits would give him was that I were to encounter a tabby cat the next day. I never did. I had my hopes up all day. I have a feeling the spirits were enjoying my misery quite a bit.

If mages were integrated into society thing would be so much better! I fear, though, that there would still be a great fear of blood magic, but just as people have the ability to murder, hurt and manipulate each other with words and actions in plenty of illegal ways, there simply need to be rules and attempts to keep order. What we have in place now is oppressive and alienating. And yes, aside from aiding in healing people, magic can be of great use! I will admit, sometimes I use it to clean up a little quicker… though if any elders of magic were to hear me say such a thing they would frown. That’s not what magic OUGHT to be used for… but it’s quite handy, especially when you have to scrub floors. Saves me a lot of work.

No, do not apologize for getting carried away about mage rights – on the contrary, I find it refreshing to see I am not the only one that gets carried away! It's also relieving to know I am not the only one that thinks this way. The Chantry most certainly has made use of the oppression of mages. Whether this was the original intent is difficult to say, though, as there are plenty of stories of mages making the choice to remove themselves from society once nobles began to use demand their magic be used for simple matters such as scrubbing floors – ironically enough, I have used magic in such a manner before but at least that was by my own choice.

#aidanthecryptid #Letter from DA characters #Anders

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mikiruma · 3 years

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I'M CLOSING TWITTER FOR THE NIGHT JESUS CHRIST ANYWAY I'M JUST GONNA INFODUMP UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I'M GOING APE

HI I SPENT ALL DAY WANTING TO/STARTING TO WATCH TOTAL DRAMA SEASONS 4 AND 5 BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE MIKE&.... AND MOOMOO DECIDED TO WATCH WITH ME BECAUSE THEY BINGED TDI SOMEWHAT RECENTLY..... AND IT TURNED INTO ME PERIODICALLY PAUSING TO TALK ABOUT OUR OWN SYSTEM AND COMPARING MIKE&'S WITH OURS SO AN 8 HOUR EVENT TURNED INTO AN ALMOST (CHECKS TIME) 12 HOUR ONE..... they went to bed a while ago so i'm finishing s5 by myself.... and it was cool because i know now they're wanting to get to know the others and ask questions and be involved(!!!!) BUT ALSO i know mike& in general is a controversial character.... but as someone who sort of relates to the internal conflict in a weird way or has this being our first time witnessing someone with DID have their alters identities respected and not being treated like a complete weirdo for being plural... i mean there's the mistreatment a la chris and scott triggering a switch intentionally to help himself in a competition.... but other than that!!! and the ending to s5 which i have not reached but spoiled myself with because i wanted to know what i was getting into before i started!!!! i'm legit falling in love with these guys and want to see them go places and it makes me appreciate the one fanwork i've seen rewriting them a bit even MORE...... also i know mal is the most stereotypical/worst rep of anything, for having a persecutor and knowing their roles i SHOULD be saying it's a little singlet bait-y and knowing they added him in the story as the main villain because they knew that's what people would have wanted to see instead of a system achieving healthy functional plurality.... but he reminds me a lot of our persecutor and how they acted back in the day, we haven't entirely patched up and they still have stumbling blocks sometimes but after getting to know them and realizing they're acting in good faith (even if the good faith is spelled out with self-sabotage), i just have a feeling maybe i need to psychoanalyze mal. ESPECIALLY because of mike (and to an extent the show) treating his headmates like EXTRAS instead as other fully fleshed people (at least in s4, though they got their moments to talk to each other and cooperate) and taking control/acting like the others were getting in his way of *his life*.... and mal being the host before but being locked away and having to force his way out and rule with an iron fist before he was given any mind.... that guy needs a hug. and everyone else (MIKE ESPECIALLY) may need to learn how to communicate better. mal just needs to feel important and get attention when he's doing things that AREN'T being mean or acting out.... also i think i just want to give mal a hug in general. not saying mike is the real villain of s5 but i AM saying when he was working with everyone to overthrow mal, they were very clear that mike being in charge, while better, was still not the best because they get pushed aside and not taken seriously.... so i think if they just went to therapy or TALKED TO EACH OTHER (I KNOW THEY CAN!!!! THEY HAVE A HEADSPACE THEY HANG OUT IN!!!!! IF MIKE WAS ONLY ABLE TO ACCESS IT BY THE COMPETITION NOW'S A GOOD TIME TO GET YOUR WORDS IN!!!!!) then it would have been a MILES better solution than. PERMANENT INTEGRATION AND CHOOSING TO CURE THEIR OWN DISORDER ALL BY THEMSELVES WITH NO HELP BY PUSHING A BUTTON IN THEIR BRAIN JUST TO GET RID OF ONE GUY THEY DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god also i just want to mention i know svetlana was trying to be nice and encouraging saying they needed mike because he's better at some things than some of the other headmates but..... that coupling with the integration...... kind of hammers it in that everyone sees themselves as "extra" :( it makes me want to be more conscious of how i think/talk about OUR headmates because i want to try and make everyone feel welcome and valid.....

anyway sorry for the text wall i just love these guys so much but i HATE THE WRITING and i'm stalling finishing the s5 finale because i know they're going to do it and it's going to piss me off so much and i love ALL of them and want them to be ok..... it's hard for me to criticize much else because i can see us a lot in these guys and how things run.... and i'm disappointed they didn't show much else of mike& purely because i was watching the seasons just for them so everything else felt like filler.... IT WAS ENTERTAINING I JUST.... want to see more of them but WITH THE CORRECT DIAGNOSTIC NAME AND SEVERAL THERAPY TRIPS LATER LOL.....

///////

edit: finished!!! SO! mal admitting he was pushing people away so they didn't have the chance to hurt them first. the others saying integration wasnt getting RID of anyone, just making them a fuller singular person. GUYS I'M SOBBING.... i KNEW mal was doing the typical persecutor song and dance but with the way he even threw around his baggage like it was NOTHING. still upset at the integration since everyone was more willing to cease existing as they were altogether just so mal wouldn't be the host.... it breaks my heart.... ALSO I'M STILL OVER THE MOON ABOUT GIVING THEM A HEADSPACE AND THE LITTLE DETAILS IN THERE!!!! i legit don't know any other media featuring systems that INCLUDED that!!!!! god y'all the end of the system era was pretty disappointing but it just made me think of the guys i'm living with. i know i wasn't a perfect host and was definitely a control freak when i first discovered i was part of them, and every day i try to make that right.... so this just reminded me of those times in awareness infancy where i was like. ok but i'm the one who fronts the most so i must be the real one!!! obviously not true anymore because julian's the host now, i mean i'm still real but knowing that logic is pretty busted... hehehe.... even realizing i was only the host for a handful of years up to that point was a shock!!! but retroactively trying to work things through with everyone and getting us to a functional place despite not being able to see a therapist about it yet... this was weirdly heartwarming in a way? seeing the headmates in their natural habitat, just chilling. seeing them get into internal conflict. dissociation periods used as windows into their mind. mike starting as insisting he was the one in control and who SHOULD be in control, even willing to abandon everyone for zoey, but going to being the least willing to integrate because he would miss everyone and valued their existence.... i know they can only fit so much development in 20 min episodes of a show thats supposed to focus on multiple people (non-systems at least) so i think their story was cramped in that aspect, but if it were a more serious non-reality show focusing more on mike& in general it would have been WAY smoother. but like. i understand the shorthand and can see the allusions and whatnot. i know what they were trying to do. and i LOVE it. it's not perfect but this is the first time i watched something in a good while that felt like it encapsulated ANYTHING close to my personal experiences being in a system and being the disgruntled host, and seeing a little bit of my closest comrades in mike's headmates was just icing on the cake. :) i think the only thing i would have liked better was if instead of an integration they either agreed to work together and be more functional/rehabilitate mal, or if someone new split entirely to act as the mediator.. idk total drama is pretty stressful!! it's the right environment for it!!! and especially the inner system conflict!!! i don't know i think after all that, they needed someone to be the impartial third party to help settle conflicts and junk... just my onion though

#cube #talking #loud text -#ask to tag #SO I AM HAVING A NIGHT #EDIT: I AM LITERALLY JUST SITTING HERE ABOUT TO EXPLODE /POS

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children-ofthe-wind · 3 years

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8/1 Update; Hello August

Is it possible to have an identity crisis at such a young age?

Aah, I keep realizing every single day that I have no idea who I really am. Earlier today, out of nowhere, I just had this realization. Or more like, a transmission?

I forgot how exactly it went, but I felt like I wanted to cry. I was listening to "Pied Piper" by BTS and again... music and me, just line up somehow. I got this feeling that I've been fed a lot of lies by the spiritual community. You see, diet is a very big thing to me. Not in regards to weight, but in regards to "keeping your vibration high." And many times over, I've heard to skip and avoid processed foods AT ALL COSTS. Why? Because "It lowers your vibration," "It calcifies your third eye," "It makes your chakras go out of whack," "It affects you on every level." And slowly, slowly, I started believing it. I kept seeing it over and over. And little by little, I kept following that pied piper. I made their truth into my own. I got rid of so much things from my diet, so much so, that I was cooking for myself every single day. I don't even know how long I went without eating out. And when we traveled, man was it a fucking guilt trip. Literally. I felt guilty, bad for eating out and eating street food when we stayed at hotels. I honestly sucked the life out of myself, I sucked the fun out. My little treats that I ate before became rarities. I had to "deserve" to eat those things. I eventually began baking my own treats, but of course it was not the same since I got into Keto and then Paleo diets. All of that came flooding in at once and I started realizing that I adopted these truths from others. They were never my own, but rather, things I just believed from others. It got even worse when I started my Ayurveda class.

Our teacher basically guilt tripped us into giving up all kinds of meat. Saying things like, it rots in your stomach. You take on the karma of the animal. You're eating precious life. It can lead to cancer. I was already on the verge of giving it up because of the spiritual community I was into, and how they spoke about it already in similar ways. But she explained it in a more spiritual way that I felt so bad about eating chicken and fish, which were the only types of meat I ate by that time. I ended up being vegan a few months after, and it fucked up my body because the sources of protein, I can't digest them well. My dosha is Vata, and I have difficult times eating things like beans and tofu. Not to mention the really bad food combining that happens with vegan recipes, it messed up my stomach a lot. All that difficult to digest food and bad combining actually bloated my stomach for days, in fact I had a bloated stomach just about the entire time I went vegan because the food was not being digested properly; so I had to throw that out the window and listen to my body. Funny enough, my stomach can digest eggs easier and faster than it can tofu.

But besides this, it made me want to cry in the car as I went for groceries because I realized how much I loved eating snacks like that. And that's when I remembered something I had learned from an actual priestess; that things are only true if you allow them to be. And the thing was, I kept allowing that food issue to be true for me. That it was lowering my vibration; but that no longer resonates. I remembered back to the time where I first started my spiritual journey, I was eating ice cream literally for breakfast. And during those times, I had some profound experiences like intense and deep meditative states that lasted for an hour. And guess what I was eating during that time? Processed foods. Because I hadn't accepted those pied piper's truths yet, it did not affect me because that was not the reality I was living in. Until I allowed it to be. So today, I decided to drop that. It was never me, whoever "me" is at this point. But... I feel like I am getting closer to her. So I got some non-dairy ice cream and vegan cookies. I get non-dairy because dairy actually does give me acne if it is not organic since they put shit in the dairy. THAT is something that feels more accurate- that food can affect you physically. Like how dairy gives people an upset stomach, but that doesn't mean it lowers their vibration or closes up their third eye. Actually, even when I was eating dairy back then, when I got my chakras healed (since 2018 or 2019 I think), every time I went to get them healed, my third eye was almost ALWAYS open. At that time I was still eating processed food. My memory is still fuzzy from that time, but I think I started eating clean towards the end of 2019.

I'm actually happy for myself. I have found amazing little moments throughout my day that have been making me happy, like blowing bubbles for my cat who likes to pop them, watering my plants outside and even cleaning my room. I did a lot today for someone who keeps almost having panic attacks. I've been doing good with managing that too. I'm happy I have some tools to help me manage when I'm getting anxious or fearful. I still feel like I am in and out of things, dissociating, but I do think the little moments of presence has been helping a whole lot.

Throughout this time, it does feel like I am integrating an old part of myself instead of just leaving her behind. Maybe I will elaborate more tomorrow, but I had gotten this realization yesterday that I literally threw away and forgot an old version of me for this new "spiritual" version of me. I am integrating that shy, anxious and depressed Daisy in me that has always been here, peaking through during the times that things got hard. During those times I felt lost and sad for no reason. I do feel a little more whole in a way, like I found a part of myself that was lost in time. A part of me who I kept moving away from. But now I feel I came back for her. And I am happy I did. I want to know every part of me, I want every version of me here with me, integrated within. I can't change the past. I don't want to. There are so many "healing" videos on the internet that tell you you can change your past by re-imagining it. But I do feel now, that that does not feel right. I want my past to be there so that I may learn from it, not to invalidate myself or anything I went through. I want to give new meaning to it though, and not see myself so much as a victim of my past.

#me #journaling #healing #self healing #journal

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fuckyeahcharmcaster · 4 years

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Post 666 on this blog

How about commemorating it by analyzing a recent Twitter thread by none other than Geoffrey Thorne, writer of the much-maligned (and deservedly so) “Couples Retreat”?

Immediately a falsehood - McDuffie never ran Ben 10 and Thorne never pitched/wrote for it.

It was Ben 10: Ultimate Alien (the rebranding of the series Ben 10: Alien Force) that McDuffie ran and Thorne pitched/wrote for. He should have used “franchise” rather than “show”.

REMEMBER THIS. It will be important later.

Hoo boy, here we go....

1. Given which episode it was, I wouldn’t call that “lucky”.

2. It seems like Thorne is definitely the guy behind the alleged spin-off Dwayne McDuffie proposed to the network. In regards to that I respect his passion, but not much else.

3. OK, some context is needed here: he is calling himself a “Charmcaster shipper” because this entire thread was sparked because one of his writer buddies who works on Supergirl was getting a lot of grief from Kara/Lena (”Supercorp”) shippers about how things have gone down on that show. But the problem is that this makes no sense - you cannot be a “shipper” of just one character. What he is describing is being a Charmcaster fanboy, NOT a “shipper”.

…..Where do I even START?

1. First off is the most glaring part: Thorne has completely re-arranged the order of events in his mind. The episode which making explicit that Charmcaster was evil and crazy, “The Enemy of My Frenemy”, aired BEFORE his episode, not after. Also, it wasn’t even separate by “a few weeks later”, it was literally just one week. I can’t believe he got this so wrong.

2. “There was much back patting when my Charmcaster episode came out”. HUH? I sure as Hell don’t remember much in the way of back-patting; most people were disgusted by it and also still upset about the previous episode. This is flat-out revisionist history on Thorne’s part.

3. I truly believe that Charmcaster being “straight-up evil and not a little bit crazy” was NOT meant to be the take-away from “The Enemy of My Frenemy”, which is why it ended in the way it did. But because what Charmcaster did in that episode was fucking genocide, that’s still exactly the take-away many viewers took away from it, and if even Thorne has come out and admitted that it was his take-away from it too, then you KNOW that episode fucked up.

4. “These were adults, mind you” - aaah, so in spite of him previously throwing shade at live-action folks throwing shade at animation because it was seen as “kids’ stuff”, suddenly he’s throwing shade at adult fans of an animated series for being emotionally affected by it. What a fucking hypocrite. I guess the millions upon millions of adult viewers who were outraged by what befell Daenerys Targaryen of Game of Throne are justified because that show is live-action, but there’s something wrong with adult viewers if they have a problem with this?

5. The biggest insight here: there really wasn’t any communication between the writers of UAF...and what’s more, Dwayne McDuffie didn’t bother tightening up the scripts enough to make them consistent, nor apparently did he tell any of the writers crucial information they probably ought to know when writing their episodes. Why was Charmcaster’s behavior so different in “Couples Retreat” compared to where “The Enemy of My Frenemy” left off? Because Thorne didn’t know about that episode. Why did Kevin suddenly act hypocritically scornful toward Charmcaster in “Couples Retreat” despite empathizing with her at the end of “The Enemy of My Frenemy”? Because Thorne didn’t know about that episode! Heck, it was clearly McDuffie who put in lines like “Charmcaster killed us” in the final script, since that little detail took Thorne completely by surprise when “The Enemy of My Frenemy” aired. I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Dwayne McDuffie SUCKED when it came to this franchise!

Thorne then talks of rude fan harassments he got afterward, and on this count I’m actually siding with him because that kind of crap is never acceptable. But then he gets to this, which he claims was an email response he gave to a certain belligerent fan before blocking them:

Oooooh, now he’s doing the number thing! Convenient!

1. Maybe not intentionally, but you certainly have been spreading several falsehoods.

Also, you actually used the “Internet Tough Guy” routine? Really?

2. Solid point, but I do question just how many kids were “amused and excited” by the stuff that UA, especially in its second season, did. I especially question how and why a creepy, dysfunctional, possibly ephebophilic relationship is supposed to “amuse and excite” children.

3. HIGHLY presumptuous. Not every show has the same effort put into it, and even on shows were effort is clearly being put into one or more department, other departments may suffer. Game of Thrones is one such example: the writers there admitted to not giving a crap. No matter how stellar the acting, music, design, effects, etc. were the whole way through, the writing suffered more and more and it ultimately decimated the positive view of the series.

4. OK, I will personally agree with that statement. Others, however, may not.

Case in point, this excerpt from the South Park episode “Free Hat”:

George Lucas: These are my movies. I made them, and I have the right to do whatever I want with them. Stan: You're wrong, Mr. Lucas. They're not your movies. They're ours. All of ours. We paid to go see them, and they're just as much a part of our lives as they are of yours. Kyle: When an artist creates, whatever they create belongs to society.

For the record, I believe there is truth to be found in both arguments. I think the ideal stance is somewhere in the middle, where creators are allowed to be held more accountable by the public for the things they put out but are also not controlled and told what to create by fans. Sadly, at the moment I have no idea how such a system that would enable this would work.

I post this last part because the replies it got from two Supercorp shippers are hilarious:

In one ear, out the other. I almost feel sorry for the guy. Almost.

But that does bring up a good final point: while the fictional nature of fictional characters should absolutely never be forgotten to the point where real people are being hurt (the Star Wars franchise has plenty of horror stories where that has happened) and it certainly sounds like there were some verifiable nuts who went after Thorne, there’s a difference between that kind of insane harassment and customers being able to use a platform to call out the creators when they feel like a huge disservice to characters who mean a lot to them has happened. Simply asking for some basic consistency and integrity to be maintained with fictional characters, or asking for creators to stop stringing fans of characters along with false promises like queerbaiting, is not unjustified. Again, I must bring up South Park here.

Kyle: I think... they are real. It's all real. Think about it. Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he... he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny and, a-and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of "real”? They might be imaginary, but, but they're more important than most of us here. And they're all gonna be around long after we're dead. So in a way, those things are more realer than any of us.

Fictional characters matter to people in ways that are real. Fiction can change the world.

And I don’t believe asking that those characters be treated well is a crime of any sort.

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a-political-wingnut · 4 years

Text

Label me Human Part 2

These are my labels:

feminist

asexual

female

student

sister

daughter

cousin

millennial

student

sales associate

I have these labels. These are little clues I help others navigate around me, and likewise they can help me navigate the world...I can use them to find a group of in my area of study to talk with, or if I’m feeling upset about the housing market-I can go vent at my peers.

In this manner, as traffic signs or a sort of gps, these labels are helpful, but I am not defined by them.

They are not the sum of my parts, but pieces of a greater whole.

And this true of all these labels. Labels that we give ourselves, bestow on others, or have bestowed on us by our peers can and never will give a complete picture.

I am defined not by a list of words, but by my ideas, my words, and most importantly my actions, and the choices that I make with the time that is given to me.

This is true of everyone I think. [citation needed]

We are more than mere labels. At least I hope we are, because these labels while useful can also be detrimental. I’ve already covered this, so I wont spend too much time on it. But while these labels can serve as guidelines helping us navigate the messy traffic of life, they can marginalize people and create division within communities that need each other to be allies.

And labels themselves can be warped by perceptions and biases making something once wholesome and maybe even beneficial, toxic and detrimental.

How we behave while touting these labels, is what makes the difference.

The meaning of labels can change. Someone once wholesome and beneficial can be warped by prejudice and biases, until it becomes a twisted and toxic mockery of its former definition.

A prime example of this is feminism. Feminism by it’s very definition is a movement that supports equality for men and women. That’s what the movement actually fights for. However...a lot of people have decided that Feminism should instead be a movement that elevates women above men, as if women are shining beacons of purity or something, which they most certainly are not. As a woman I can confidently say women have the capacity to be terrible people.

Feminism is shifting away a movement that supports equality, and toward a club of misandrists who support and actively try to subjugate men. Which is a horrible thing to do.

Labels can be dangerous. Dangerous people, like irate misandrist can take them as their own, and derail entire movements, completely undermining the benefits those movements might have given.

And because they call themselves Feminists it becomes very hard to call them out on their bigotry because they can turn around go “woah there, I’m a Feminist fighting for the rights of the suppressed,” and becasue of that shield they become untouchable, and their prejudices have become scarily widespread hear on Tumblr and across other media platforms as well.

Misandry is not Feminism. It’s bigotry plain and simple. And Feminism is a movement that supports equality for both men and women. They are not the same thing, but until we stop allowing bigoted, hateful, and ignorant women to call themselves Feminists this will continue to be a problem.

Martin Luther King Jr. Could tell you, that you can’t fight fire with fire. That turning around and treating the misogynists with hatred and disdain, threatening to, if not actively seeking to strip them of their autonomy does nothing but prove that women and Feminists in particular really are monsters.

So thanks ladies. Thanks a bunch.

Thanks for making Women’s Suffrage look like a crock of hooey. Very helpful. And for making men feel like they’re under threat and need to defend themselves, making it harder to convince them to help us, becasue we really do need their help, you know, since they’re a part of society and have an easier time being taken seriously by other men than we women do-since the stereotype of the manipulative woman playing the victim card is still a thing-.. and I can’t imagine why that would be the case when those same poor defenseless victims turn around and start talking about exterminating, subjugating, or enslaving men-like I just can’t imagine why that mentality might persist. So again thank you for making the path to equality so much more difficult. Because it so bloody easy to walk before. Thanks.

And how you behave when you say you’re a feminist or X/Y//Z-or any label matters. It matters a great deal, because in that moment you become a face and a spokesperson for a group of people, and your behaviour is what they’ll remember long after your words have faded. If you support a marginalized group and you’re turning around and trying to marginalize others, you’re doing a disservice to your group.

Another example is Veganism (Yes I’m Vegan too-I did say I’d probably forgotten some labels lol) When Vegans treat animals with more respect than people, there’s a problem. There’s a problem with that individual’s mindset, certainly, but with the group as a whole if people within that community aren’t stepping forward to say, “we don’t support that kind of hatred/behaviour. We recognize that humans are animals too.”

I’m not going to say labels don’t matter. They absolutely do. But how you use them, when/if you use them matters more. There’s nothing wrong with an angry Vegan, or a furious Feminist.

But there is something wrong if that anger is used to spread hatred, bigotry, or violence. A label does not give you rightful claim to any moral high-ground if you start perpetuating bigotry or violence. And the moment you do so, you debase yourself. You lose all credibility and moral integrity.

The moment you start using labels or allow others to use labels to foster hatred and bigotry, you become a part of the problem not the solution.

Thanks Misandrists. Thanks PETA. (Side note: PETA was the reason I hated Vegans. For years. I hated them...until I became one because Caitlin Shoemaker and Unnatural Vegan showed me that not all Vegans are PETA, or endorse PETA.)

There are rational vegans. There are rational Feminists. Every group has their sinners and saints. And now that I’ve gone off about the hypocrites utilizing those moments for malicious gains.

Labels are important. I’ll say it again. But they should not be everything. There’s a time and a place to tell someone you’re a Vegan. There’s a time and a place to say you fall under the LGBTQA umbrella. There are times when those signs need to be made visible for one’s own benefit, and the for the benefit of a group or movement at large.

How one behaves while donning them matters.

But so does there usage. You can’t be non-binary and female at the same time. Being non-binary means you’re neither male or female, and I kid you not I saw this mistake made by someone yesterday. I’m not gonna link this, because I don’t need or want anyone who reads this to go after them. I have a gut feeling it’s a young person too. And I’ve seen the deplorable behaviour of adults on here, so I’ll address it myself.

Labels have clearly defined meanings, and that’s very important. The people who use those labels need those meanings to be as clear and concise as possible. They need those labels, because they are the shortest and simplest way to tell someone what you are or what you stand for.

Like which political party someone belongs to. Democrats and Republicans are not the same. That’s not to say there aren’t people who side with both on certain topics. But when you think Republican there’s a very clear image of a republican that comes to mind. Alt-Right likewise conjures something else. Labels need to be clear cut and as easy to understand as possible.

It’s important that they don’t get used in the wrong way, or that five different labels aren’t being used to mean the same thing. The latter, especially, muddies the water. And there are people in this world who might not what trans means, or what asexual, or non-binary means, and it’s important that labels be used appropriately and in the right context. Because the definition of the labels we use to define ourselves with matters.

And this brings me back to my main point. I sure know how to go a tangent lol. (Seriously. I’m sorry about that, but seeing people using labels to justify bigotry infuriates me like nothing else.)

Labels should not be treated as the whole sum of a person’s parts. It’s not good if they are. People are complicated and their thoughts and behaviors are messy. And I don’t believe anyone should able to stuff to themselves under a small umbrella of words and acronyms and go: “Yup, that is me.”

I honestly hope that’s not the case. There should be an ‘and’ in there somewhere. Lots of ‘ands’ all of which put together begin to paint a clear picture of who a person might be.

So these are my labels:

feminist

asexual

female

student

sister

daughter

cousin

millennial

student

sales associate

vegan (this applies to my everyday life and I missed it lmao)

These are facets of a person. Glimpses through a dusty window at the room inside. I am all of these labels, and I am so much more. I am me. I am Squirrel. I am human.

We are all human. And before someone looks at us and sees a straight person, a queer person, or a vegan, they’ll see our face, hear our words, and witness our actions. It is how we interact with our fellow humans that defines us.

#And no label will ever be more all-encompassing than this: Human #Please label me human #a continuation of my Label rant #And I have a bone to pick with misandrists clearly #Label me Human #Feminism #Queer #Vegan #non-binary #asexual #I'm not vaguely-vexed about anything #nor would I ever be sarcastic about being peeved in the first place

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littlemisssquiggles · 5 years

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(Pt1) I just,,, is it bad that at this point I just feel exhausted with the Oscar bits and crumbs? Everyone is like “oh his development is coming just be patient!” But I’ve enjoyed him as a character since he first appeared and watching him get denied or overshadowed has just become exhausting

(Pt2) I feel bad because a episode like this would usually excite me!! We see the boi fight!! And he did good!!! I just kinda want to see him away from everyone else, like from jnr or rwby. Because at this point? I kinda feel like when he’s around them he’s used to help them, never the other way around, I’m just so tired

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Hello there anon-chan. Apologies for the super late response. Y’know, ironically enough your message reminds me of @ozcarpin’s post from a few weeks back after V7CH5 dropped. They too expressed the same sentiments. As a fellow Pinehead myself whose favourite RWBY Character is Oscar Pine, I share in your exasperation of watching him be obscured by other characters when it comes to receiving his own development.

While I didn’t become a full-fledged Oscar Stan until the start of V5, I still feel you. Despite enjoying V5 in my first watch of the season, even now, it still kind of bothers me that we spent the majority of that season mostly watching Ozpin in control of Oscar’s body or taking control during moments which could’ve been used to allow the PLOT to flesh out Oscar a bit more especially when it came to integrating him into the hero team.

And of course, it still bothers me to no end how they handled his side of the story back in V6 especially during CH9. But do you know what one of the most upsetting parts about this is, anon-chan?

Even if one tries to express their frustration regarding Oscar’s writing within the series, you will always get those one or two comments that say:

“…Quit your complaining about Oscar not receiving any development. He’s not the main character!”

I was reading through some of the comments left in response to ozcarpin’s post and I actually saw one or two folks hit them with that same remark and I couldn’t help but feel sympathetic for ozcarpin. It actually upsets me when other fans used that kind of remark to denounce criticism of Oscar’s treatment within the show. Mostly because, in my opinion, this remark misses the point trying to be made here.

Speaking for myself, this squiggle meister more or less falls into the same lane as ozcarpin. I am one of those Pineheads who hasn’t 100% been pleased with the way the show has treated Oscar and I’ve never really shied away from expressing my opinions in regards to that. However when I share my critiques of Oscar’s writing, I’m not implying that the Writers should make Oscar the main character of RWBY. That’s not what I’m saying.

I understand that Oscar is not a protagonist for RWBY. However, what I think some folks fail to miss is that Oscar is a part of the main cast or at least he’s supposed to be. When I look at Oscar, I see him in the same category as the JNR gang. In my eyes, JNPR have always been the deuteragonists of RWBY—the secondary huntsmen team of importance to complement our four main girls.

While RWBY hold the title of our four protagonists whose individual stories and team adventures help shape the core PLOT of RWBY, the narrative additionally follows the development of Jaune, Pyrhha (formerly), Ren and Nora since their stories make up the PLOT too.

As I mentioned in this post I made after watching the recent V7CH7, as a Pinehead, when I ask for the PLOT to focus more on Oscar as a character, I’m not implying that he should become the main character of RWBY. All I’m simply asking is that he should be given the same level of respect as a character as we’ve seen from others within the main cast. Because as I’ll repeat again, Oscar is a part of the main cast.

It is for this reason why I really enjoyed the recent episode so much. V7CH7, in my opinion, is the best I’ve seen this season utilize Oscar within a scene because rather than have him play background character to another character; this episode gave him some much needed attention. We actually got to hear Oscar express his thoughts and feelings in contrast with Ironwood’s and for me,it was really great.

This is what I’ve been hoping for. I just want the story to allow us as the audience to get to know Oscar more. To have him speak on screen, share his own ideologies and sentiments with other characters especially the ones he’s in alliance with. Maybe even see him use his opinions to support or challenge said characters on their views and see their reactions to it.

We spent so many episodes debating whether or not Oscar is a character within RWBY that this episode felt like a breath of fresh air. I haven’t loved an Oscar moment this much since his Dojo scene with Ruby back in V5.

But as much as I love the dojo-scene from V5, I can’t help but feel like that moment was more to help Ruby than Oscar. However, I still appreciate it a lot since it established a pinnacle moment in Ruby’s growing friendship with Oscar. I felt like I learnt more about Oscar as a person from that one conversation that he shared with Ruby back in Mistral than his entire runtime in V6; believe it or not. But this is just me.

There are people in this FNDM who genuinely hate Oscar. Who believe he’s a useless boring character or not a character at all BECAUSE of the way the writing has handled him up until now.

As a Pinehead, it’s honestly frustrating when I go into forum discussions or search Oscar-related content on YouTube only to discover videos discussing how problematic of a character Oscar is BECAUSE of the glaring issues with his writing.

Because whether anyone wishes to admit this to themselves or not, the writing for Oscar Pine has not been the best or at least it hasn’t been as good as it could be. It’s been sometime-ish at best. Some might even call it subpar. Thus he’s left feeling as less of a character since the writing has done very little for him up; unfortunately.

According to some folks with the FNDM community, Oscar’s biggest flaw right now is his lack of proper development by the show which lends to him feeling like less of a character. And sadly to admit…at this point in the story, I’m starting to see their point.

Going to back to what I said earlier about Oscar falling in the same lane of as JNPR, when it comes to the JNR trio, at least I can say that I know who Jaune, Ren and Nora are as characters. I can even say the same for Pyrhha. I know who these characters are because the PLOT actually paid attention to these characters when they needed focus and allowed me as the audience to get to know them.

But when Oscar needed attention to help flesh him out, instead it focused on other characters.

When we needed to see Oscar getting to know the team, it focused more on providing more insight into Ozpin’s character as a build up to the events of V6, I suppose. Even when Oz was removed from the story, the PLOT still didn’t shift gears and allowed us to see what was going through Oscar’s mind after what happened with Oz.

Instead, Oscar’s development happens mostly off-screen while the PLOT focused on other characters. And by the time we did get the chance to hear how he’s feeling, instead of actually showing us how Oscar felt, it’s said in a single line that makes the moment fall flat.

“…These past few days, I’ve been scared of the same things you were. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be me but I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to everything I can to help with whatever time I have left…”

Gee…how swell it would’ve been for us to have seen Oscar going through all those emotions over the course of those few days, am I right? But I guess that his feelings weren’t all that important if all we got from that is a throwaway line of dialogue while not receiving much of a reaction from the other characters to Oscar being perfectly fine with possibly disappearing one day.

After V6 and after having more time to think about the events of the last season,I’ve gone into V7 with a slightly more cynical approach.

In spite of what a few folks might interpret from my more negative opinions, I’m still respectable of the CRWBY Writers and appreciative of the effort they put into the ongoing story for RWBY.

However that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to remain honest in my opinions. In regards to Oscar’s presence within the show, if the Writers do something with his character that I genuinely liked then I will praise it many times over given how much I love it. Hence my admiration for the Ironwood and Oscar scene from V7CH7.

However, if the Writers do something with Oscar that I didn’t enjoy or I didn’t personally feel was as good as I would’ve liked it to be, then of course I’m going to admit that when asked of my views (case in point: V6CH9)

That being said, I’m not saying all of this to make it seem like I’m bashing you for your own opinions anon-chan and if I sound that way in my response then I humbly apologize.

What I’m basically saying is, as a fellow Pinehead, I hear your frustrations. On some level, I feel your frustration and exhaustion and share in it with some of my own. But in a hopefully much nicer tone that you’ve heard from others, I will say that perhaps there is a bit of truth to what others have said about waiting a little while longer for Oscar’s development.

What I mean by that is, perhaps we should at least give the full season a fair chance. I’m not telling you to bottle up your frustrations. As a matter of fact, to quote, Shannon McCormick—the VA of the other half of our Man with Two Souls—what I’m saying is let’s try and “keep the faith” fam.

As of now, we are at V7CH7. We still have 6 more episodes to go before V7 concludes. As I said, CH7 did real good on Oscar and since promise of this season being an exciting one for Oscar is still in the air, let’s at least see where it goes from here. Perhaps things might pick up for the third act?

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t starting to lose confidence for this season being a better Oscar-worthy one than the last until CH7 renewed some of my hope. . With Oscar advising Ironwood to quote, “talk to the people you’re most afraid to”, I’m hoping that this was an indication that we might be revisiting the plot point with Oscar confronting Ruby again about telling James the truth.

I’m hoping that CH7 isn’t the only episode we’ll get to hear Oscar speak his mind and it makes me interested to hear what he hopefully has to say for CH8.

So yeah, to reiterate—I know it might be a little tough fam but, let’s try and hold strain till the end of season.

Admittedly, V7 is still pretty young and there have been elements to Oscar’s character and overall purpose in the plot of this season that have been teased a little for part of this season that I’m looking forward to seeing come to fruition:

Oscar confronting Ruby about revealing the whole truth to Ironwood (possibly with the last question from the Lamp of Knowledge)

Oscar unlocking his semblance which has been alluded to be a ‘great and powerful’ one that would possibly be the envy of his comrades, according to Ruby Rose.

Oscar receiving more clarity about the nature of the Merge from Ironwood (since he seems to know more about that).

Oscar reconciling with Ozpin within his mind and aiding in his reconciliation with the hero team.

Oscar helping Ironwood with his Baobab—possibly at some point suggesting that Atlas finds a way to get in communication with the kingdom of Vacuo to seek aid before their inevitable fall since Tyrian mentioned that’s what will be needed to thwart Salem’s plans for Atlas.

Oscar officially joining JNR and reviving their original huntsman team (possibly JNPR 2.0 or ALPN—one of those two, I dunno. My money still remains vehemently with JNPR 2.0)

Will these subplots actually be done? And if done, will it actually be good? Will it be disappointingly bad again? Or maybe it might be surprisingly better than we ever hoped for our boy? Will this be the case or not?

Don’t really know, to be honest. I couldn’t tell you even I wanted to. The best thing we can do for now fam is to wait and see what the rest of the story brings for Oscar and then make our own final judgments based on that once the story is fully complete. That’s pretty much all I can say.

I’m not sure what your thoughts on the recent episode were but for what it’s worth, I’m hoping that it might’ve renewed some of your hope for Oscar this season too? Even if it’s just a smidgen.

But let’s wait and see fam. We’ve got a cordial dinner episode with Formal Oscar coming up to look forward to. Here’s to seeing what that episode brings for us Pineheads.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2019)

#Anon-ninja #squiggles answers: rwby #oscar pine #rwby volume 7 spoilers

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notbigondoors · 4 years

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Hi Vis! I've been reading Frankenstein to prepare my essay about it and I find some similarities between you and the creature. You're both artificial beings, yet innocent and pure of heart when you're "newborns". You are some sort of modern Frankenstein creation. Have you read the novel? I think it could comfort you when you feel like humans reject you- they're just ignorant and prejudiced. (Hope this serves the mun for inspiration or starters- I absolutely headcanon that Vis loves this novel!)

“I have read Mary Shelley’s novel, yes. It was recommended to me by Miss Romanoff and it has quickly become one of my favorites. I cannot say that it was overly entertaining or enjoyable in the sense that I found parts of it to be incredibly sad and unfortunate, but it was a very well-constructed piece in that it displays both Frankenstein and his creation in all their flawed glory as two imperfect beings, and yet the one that is dubbed a monster is actually the least selfish and the least scientifically and psychologically reckless of the two.

“This irony was not lost on me, nor were the similarities between the Creature and I. One person’s creature is a another’s vision. Some might say I am a creature. Some might say that the Creature was Frankenstein’s vision. I do empathize with his struggles, both physical and mental, with his loneliness and frustration, and with the disconnect between the way he relates to human beings and the way they perceive him. His view of himself is far different than how others see him, and because of that he feels not only alone and unwanted and unloved, but invalidated as well.

“I feel... fortunate... in a way... to not have some of his flaws and unfortunate circumstances which made attempts at integration into human society all the more difficult for him. For example, his very body is constructed from the dead, which I feel carries with it an instant taboo or revulsion for most humans before they even get to know him, and that is through absolutely no fault of his own. I, on the other hand, have the benefit of being constructed from new and advanced materials that are either respected by the scientific and medical communities or carry with them a pleasant mystique among humans not in scientific or medical fields.

“Also, whether biological, psychological, or merely a question of a lack of impulse control as physio-chemically dictated in his brain, the Creature suffers from a volatile temper and tendency towards violence. I feel it may not entirely be his fault, especially at first, since it does seem to be an impulse he has legitimate trouble controlling. His physical body is also mismatched and strange to him, and for example his handling of the child he accidentally kills seems to be an honest and tragic mistake on his part. The screaming upset him, he meant only to silence the child and did not know his own strength. However, at what point does the blame shift from the Creature to society and back again? Should he be blamed because he committed this and subsequent acts of violence, or should society be blamed for pushing him towards those ends, and for coddling and accepting an irresponsible scientific genius like Frankenstein over his initially innocent and unknowing creation?

“There may be no clear answer, no right one, as the guidelines of morality are often blurry and gray, but one thing became clear to me upon reading the novel. The cycle of perpetuating fear and violence, of stereotyping and ostracizing those who are different, and of making exceptions and allowances for intelligent people and those who perhaps more outwardly or visually conform to perceived societal norms regardless of their stability or intentions... will continue unless it is broken. In other words, we cannot continue to shelter, protect, and sympathize with Frankensteins and persecute Creatures simply for being who and what they are. Intention needs to be examined. Things like ignorance and innocence can be corrected and improved upon with education and experience, but a god complex? Hubris? A disregard for the consequences of one’s actions? Not so much. We must consider merit, circumstance, and responsibility and weight them more heavily against things like outward appearance or what society tells you is safe, comfortable, or right. We must lead, each of us in our own lives, not follow. Only then will humankind break their own societal and psychological cycles that promote discrimination and violence while idealizing "normalcy” and unconstrained bravado.

“Science is never wrong. It is only a tool. However, man’s intended use of the science he discovers can be very wrong. The fault lies with the scientist and not the experiment at the moment conception, literal or figurative, but that experiment going forward has a responsibility to better itself regardless of how it is treated. Rising above, taking the high road, going high when they go low, and other such human phrases are examples of what the Creature had a responsibility to himself to do. Unfortunately, he chose to degrade into violence and revenge. While an active choice of his, it was heavily influenced by how he was treated, and for that I am sorry. Perhaps someone without his temper or impulsiveness might have chosen a different path, or perhaps the same Creature, treated with kindness for a much longer term such as what the blind man showed to him, could have had time to learn restraint and tolerance. I suppose we will never know.

“I do know the feeling of being an imperfect creature created by imperfect scientific geniuses, but I struggle to be certain that each choice I make is fully my own. What I mean is, I hope to avoid the Creature’s pitfalls of letting anger, sadness, and loneliness dictate his actions. I wish to act from an informed perspective, or at the very least, not in haste or due to any temporary or flaring emotions. I cannot control how others perceive me, but I can control how I react to them and how I conduct myself on an everyday basis, and I choose not to lash out. Rather, I am attempting to learn from humans even as I navigate my own life and emotions which are still very new to me.”

Vision paused now, realizing that he had been rambling for quite some time. “Although I will admit that I do appear to have a persistent problem with verbosity,” he said simply, smiling shyly and concluding his speech for the moment.

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puresephone · 5 years

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alright motherlovers i’m going to be intuiting this here tarot spread. i asked some of my beautiful decks for the overall message and energy for today, 11/11! today is a very special and magickal day especially in regards to twin flames and twin flame energy.

anywho lets get into the reading. okay so this is my first ever reading so it might be sloppy but we’re just gonna roll with it bless

so the first card we have is transformation (aka the death card) which is ruled by scorpio. it’s all about change and letting go of the past to embrace renewal or new beginnings. let go of unhealthy attachments, fears, and grudges that may be holding you back from this opportunity for another chance or a more fulfilled life.

clarified by the eight of wands in reverse, the message i’m getting is to NOT RESIST THIS CHANGE. go with the flow, but don’t rush blindly into situations today ill-prepared and don’t try to run from or delay these changes. full moon in taurus is tomorrow which reminds us to let go of old energies that no longer serve us, while remembering change is the only constant in life.

ask yourself (from the guidebook): are there loose ends that need to be tied up? are there people in my life i need to express myself to? what needs to be completed so i can have a fresh start?

then we have power (aka strength, ruled by leo) in the reverse, which for this deck, just means to pay extra attention to it.

this card is calling you to remember you have all the inner strength and willpower you need to deal with these changes ahead of you, if you are someone who finds change hard to manage.

remember to approach every situation from a place of love. set aside the time to resolve issues and speak from a place of compassion. this mercury retrograde in scorpio, especially, it can be easy to get caught up in black or white thinking or feeling slighted. give other people the benefit of the doubt and remember mistakes happen in order to be learned from. (from the guidebook), ask yourself: what am i supposed to be learning here and how can i make this situation better?

clarified by the four of cups in reverse, what i get from this is a few different interpretations. i feel someone who has been withdrawn from the world, caught up in introspection or perhaps avoiding dealing with reality or their problems. i feel someone who isn’t being honest about how their true feelings and instead, choosing to isolate themselves from someone or people who love them. i feel someone who needs to look inside themselves and meditate and be honest with themselves. don’t ignore synchronicities.

ultimately though, when four of cups comes up reversed, i see the end of a period of stagnation and apathy. because this is a clarifier of the strength card, perhaps we feel reinvigorated remembering our true power as spiritual beings. we can now seize opportunities and manifest our dreams into reality (full moon in taurus tomorrow, nov 12, is PERFECT for that)

then we have the the third card which is the throat chakra. the chakras are energy centres of the human body and when the throat chakra comes up: COMMUNICATE! speak your truth and be honest. speak from a place of love. know that what you think and say matters. express yourself, the throat chakra is also about creativity. do something artsy today, maybe something involving words. journal or write a poem. sing or listen to music. do some positive self affirmations! express gratitude!

clarifying the throat chakra, we have the three of wands. this is a card all about new opportunities and moving forward. this is a card that represents fresh starts and to embrace change. three is represented by the empress, a number and card of creation. your planning and hard work is paying off, but also remember to dream beyond limits and be flexible and and keep an open mind!

the three of wands also reminds us that the journey has only just begun. there’s still time to turn back, but not for long. any time i see this card, i think of that scene from lord of the rings: fellowship of the ring when sam says:

Sam:

This is it.

Frodo:

What?

Sam:

If I take one more step, I'll be the farthest away from home I've ever been.

Frodo:

Come on, Sam. Remember what Bilbo used to say: "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to."

speak your truth and be honest with yourself. you’ll never know how far it’ll get you or what opportunities could lie ahead

then we have the card emotional withdrawal in reverse. the border is green, signifying a connection to the heart chakra. this card is represented by the number 8, same as the strength card: passion, control and power. we need to use our courage and strength to continue our journey into this new beginning or undiscovered territory.

what i’m getting from this card is to be aware of emotional withdrawal. it’s good to take time for yourself as seen by the reversed four of cups, but don’t isolate yourself from the people who love you. these cards are actually similar to one another in my opinion. it’s okay to meditate on a situation and have alone time but as we already know, the only constant in life is change. you can’t emotionally withdraw and isolate forever.

with the number 8 here, it also means “infinity” so maybe you’ve felt stuck or like you don’t know how to get out of this withdrawed state. remember your inner power and to speak your truth and from a place of love (not fear) and everything else will follow. be in right alignment with yourself first.

clarifying emotional withdrawal, we have the five of swords. fives in numerology represent conflict. the five of swords comes up when there’s been a disagreement, falling out or conflict of some sort and you’re walking away with a sense of sadness or loss. feeling upset and resentful is also common with this card. you can feel like you’ve lost trust, dignity, respect, or company. the advice here is to PICK YOUR BATTLES

five of swords can also point out you may feel in competition. it’s not appropriate to win at any cost. someone else’s success does not equal your failure and certainly don’t try to bring other people down.

when the five of swords comes up in a reading it could be an invitation to apologise. brooding or trying to be right at all costs just makes relationships and situations all the more complicated.

because the five of swords is clarifying the reversed emotional withdrawal card, i’m sensing it’s an optimal time to properly apologise to people who you may have hurt or perhaps today you will be approached by someone who has hurt you (it is mercury retrograde after all). come out of your cocoon with emotional maturity and show you’re someone with integrity. learn from your mistakes and move beyond past mistakes and conflict into something new and brighter.

(gdi tumblr didn’t save my draft so i need to rewrite this part) then we have the fertility card (the empress) in reverse. again this deck isn’t meant to have reversals and when reversals do come up, just pay extra attention to it. i find it funny how i mentioned the empress earlier and boom here she is. so three is the number of creation, of taking an idea (the magician) and making it into a reality (the empress)

the empress is ruled by libra which is ruled by venus. love on yourself today and show yourself some self-care. indulge a little bit, treat yourself. take comfort in knowing the seeds you’ve sown and coming to and everything is going to work out. today and tomorrow are prime times for manifesting abundance.

hold yourself from a place of love and nurture your relationships. go out and connect with nature if you can today. growth is on the horizon and look at things you find beautiful today. things that give you pleasure, that make you feel love or good about yourself. care for yourself first and then show that care for others.

the empress is clarified by the sixth chakra, archangel metatron. honestly i know nothing about metatron so i’m not going to pretend i do. but the sixth chakra is the third eye chakra which is all about our inner guidance. follow and trust your intuition today and pay attention to your dreams tonight. clarity will make itself known today and you’ll likely have a spiritual download or realisation of some kind.

going back to the first card of this spread, transformation, the woman in the card made me think of having an epiphany. today something will click, the dust will settle, and what you need to know will be revealed. this card can represent a new beginning and a deeper insight of what’s been going on. this new beginning i’m feeling is tied to the realisation you’ll have today.

oh my god one card left

the last card is an affirmation for us all today:

“I find a deeper meaning and personal growth amid the discomfort.”

all in all today, despite uncomfortable situations or talks we may have today, ultimately these are the happenings that help us grow. we will never grow without changes or setbacks, without feeling out of our comfort zone. embrace the change and let go of negativity of the past. make way for renewal and beautiful transformations. the strength of our character will shine today. trust your intuition and go along for the ride.

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memorylang · 4 years

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Easter Epilogue in America | #35 | April 2020

Friday, March 6, 2020, I disembarked in North Las Vegas, Nevada, to a home I hadn’t lived in since high school 2015. I’ve been here a couple months now, by time of writing.

With today’s stories, I bring you from my first days and weeks back in the States through April’s end. I share reverse culture’s shock’s role in my readjustment to Vegas life, as COVID-19 grew across the States. But I’m a hopeful man, so you know my stories end well.

As a good friend reminded me the night I learned all Peace Corps Volunteers had to go, "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in His way" (Psalm 37:23). Consider this the epilogue to my very fruitful, memorable, and—dare I write—life-changing adventures. I've no regrets.

Overture

Week 1 (March 6-12) was a blessing, having just returned to an America vaguely like the one I knew. Gosh, I love fruit. Thankfully, a few friends saw me.

Then Week 2 (March 13-19) brought big changes and new deadlines. But, meanwhile, Week 3 (March 20-26) began my home improvement operations. The following weekend saw a drive to Reno to see my 19-year-old sister at uni.

Weeks 4 and 5 (March 27-April 9) saw my 21-year-old sister visit Vegas from LA, starting with the 24th birthday of my older brother and ending after Easter Sunday.

Week 6 (April 10-16) began with Holy Week, then driving Sister back to LA, followed by the restart to fitness routines. My routines expanded, Week 7 (April 17-23). Week 8 (April 24-30), Dad visited that weekend, so I braved minor puncture wounds from yard work with him plus an excruciating medical procedure. Fitness routines continued, and I shifted my diet from a fruit obsession to increasing my protein intake.

Week 9 (May 1-7) began by closing loose ends with my Peace Corps stories. I’ve begun next steps while home, as we lead into Mothers’ Day.

Landing—Returned to Vegas

From tens of thousands of feet in the air, I felt the end of an era. Nine Mongolian months ended.

The midday we landed, I wanted to get up and leave elsewhere, not to the house in Vegas.

I’m an English teacher. It’s a school day. I should be teaching.

My 18-year-old high school senior brother picked me up from the airport. Haha, he said he skipped English class to get me. Dad seemed upset that my bro missed class, but Bro had stable senioritis, with college plans secured. I loved the irony of skipping class to get a teacher.

Neighborhood in Reverse Culture Shock

A few hours after we came home, I went forth to community walk around the neighborhood, trying to make sense of things.

“Hello, how are you?” said someone in passing. “Oh, doing great,” I replied in usual fashion.

Well, I wasn't [doing great].

As I walked I weighed how when I used to live in Vegas, in 2015, I was more concerned with, what's the newest game? What's the latest episode? Yet now I feel more detached, less purposeful. I continued on to the park.

I love the fragrances and fresh air beneath the trees. I lied in the grass.

In another way, I felt, I only tolerated Vegas. There's more for me out there. There are so many cities and places with people I'd rather see and be with.

But God is with me here, too. It's the second Friday of Lent.

School buses drove by as I walked home a couple hours later. Middle schoolers walked and biked my neighborhood. (Was it my neighborhood? I'd hardly reintegrated...)

Middle schoolers jeered to each other about whatever. Some kids probably had crushes on each other but felt too shy to speak up, uncomfortable with the status quo. I felt like a watcher no longer a participant. Yet I was them, here, 10 years ago.

I had some dinner then slept shortly after, from 6:30 p.m. to 1 a.m. in our home’s guest bed. There I realized, I might be sleeping here a while.

Strange Days Ahead

By Saturday morning, my first one waking at home, I still felt I’d feel lonely without my senior cohort if I came back to Mongolia. Thankfully at least a half dozen said they plan to return. And senior cohort members who continued keeping in touch with me were great comforts. I still felt encouraged to apply to be a Resource Volunteer, sometime after conquering my 16-hour jet lag.

“Frozen II” tracks from the day before looped in my head most mornings. Film themes of change, grief and controlling the few things we can felt uncommonly personal. From Saturday on, I looped English and Chinese tracks from “Frozen II” while coping with being home. One jetlagged 3 a.m. morning, I even transcribed and translated the tracks between languages.

Later Saturday morning, I walked back to the park. I spotted a tree. So I climbed it. Surprisingly my park had a sturdy one. Who knew? The tree’s been here all the dozen years my family has...

Atop its branches, I felt I might wake up from a dream and be back in Mongolia the next day.

I felt still reeling from my bewildering first Peace Corps Week. From seven days ago, I left my Mongolian city, came among nearly 100 fellow Volunteers, joined half on a journey across Europe, then found myself back in Vegas with my four siblings still in school. So mystic.

American Culture Redux

I’d jot general musings about culture during these first days back in the States.

We say, “Pardon me,” as though the mere act of engaging a stranger in conversation might offend against a stranger’s time.

In the West, we highly value possessions, and we treat time itself as something to possess.

In the States, we travel separately to functions. We might chit chat some before or after. Then we part ways to do whatever we’ve already scheduled.

I wondered if I should ask to visit people or accompany them. Would that be weird? I felt my integration habits of Peace Corps lingered. But I considered, I still had plenty I could do by myself, like taking time to process my sudden evacuation.

In the States, we decide against reaching out to people. Perhaps we fear simple greetings to friends, with nothing more, might impose on their time. On the flip side, I receive multiple messages per week from Mongolians simply writing to say good morning or hello—so pleasant. I should cherish others’ care, never reject.

Resettling In

I cut my hand dropping down the tree, so I applied pressure, elevated the wound and headed home to clean and bandage it. I felt weirdly at ease, remembering Peace Corps health trainings. I recalled “Dear Evan Hansen,” too.

My family was busy with life, so the house felt rather quiet and still most hours. Already, though, I brainstormed ways to keep busy as a Peace Corps Volunteer on admin hold.

I began by finishing my Peace Corps blog stories. The day after, I’d already have my newest online, “Trilingual Adventures, My First Mongolian Winter | #22 | January 2020.” Coincidentally, that story was my last from before Coronavirus quarantines in Mongolia began.

Mongolian friends still messaged me every so often. They're so kind. I hoped they wouldn’t lose hope I'll return. [Nine weeks later, they’re still hopeful.] Meanwhile, I still wanted to search for a Vegas Mongolians Facebook group when my jet lag was up and I felt ready to start speaking Mongolian again.

I considered planning a trip to my alma mater in Reno, Nev. for a week later that month, once I settled more into the States’ routines. On the topic of routines, I decided maybe I'd visit church most weekdays to establish some semblance. I'd help my folks as best I could, so I’d still feel like I'm serving somebody. I even thought of getting my 23-year-old brother's bike repaired, to borrow it every so often!

To end that reflective weekend, later that Saturday, my little brother drove me to the bank to deposit the funds I withdrew earlier that week in Mongolia. Then he treated me to my first American fast-food in a while. I attended Mass for the first time in weeks that evening. On Sunday, I marveled at seeing free to-go boxes, when Dad’s fiancée’s family invited my brother and I to celebrate the oldest daughter’s birthday. I enjoyed my first Thai tea in a long while.

That week, I frequented daily morning prayer, rosary and Masses at church. Then walked around the community and continued blog tales either from the public library or from a local Starbucks (coincidentally the same one in which Black Friday 2018 I committed to Peace Corps service). On separate days, a couple friends also reconnected with me. I attended Mass seven of eight days this period, returning to Reconciliation that final Saturday and dreaming dreams most every night two weeks thereafter.

Peace Corps Global Evacuation

Week 2 (March 13-19), my cohort learned we were being reclassified as being Returned Peace Corps Volunteers—as in, we’d officially completed our service. This followed with sudden paperwork, thankfully not due for a few weeks. This led to global headlines of all Peace Corps Volunteers coming home, too.

Between home projects to tidy the house or weed the yard, I joined up with the National Peace Corps Association group writing to our legislators to support Returned Peace Corps Volunteers worldwide. I spent the days preceding the Holy Triduum completing my final paperwork.

I felt comforted nonetheless Peace Corps Mongolia insisted we could reinstate, assuming Mongolia’s situation resolves within the next year. I felt willing to take that bet.

COVID-19 Escalates Across the States

My second week, church closed. I still frequented the park but felt amazed to see more people than usual. A couple more friends reconnected.

A few weeks later, businesses shut down, schools closed, and I felt more adjusted. America was looking like the rest of the world. I trusted Americans generally had a good sense of sanitation practices, so I felt less concerned about establishments open. Mongolia lacked drive-throughs, so businesses there often closed outright.

But my weekend between Weeks 3 and 4, March 26-28, felt the first time I heard how rapidly COVID-19 escalated in the States. My little brother played podcasts as we drove to deliver supplies to our uni sister sheltering in Reno. From the news, I heard the U.S. now led the world in Coronavirus cases. That sounded bad. I felt especially baffled hearing that Nevada, with a population slightly less than Mongolia’s, topped over 100 times as many cases. I felt more at risk in the States!

During the trip, I also encountered American jargon, like, “Out of/due to an abundance of caution…,” “social distancing” and “Flatten the curve.” I felt critical of whether many Nevadans really knew what the jargon meant, considering how many cars remained on the road, how close people gathered in parks and how shoppers hardly kept distance. Though, I also recognized that Mongolian media might have used similar stock phrases that I just didn’t know... Nonetheless, Mongolians officials seemed more willing to pause operations to let health workers build capacity, and citizens tended to comply.

If any last brave friends wanted to see me, the closest we got to physical touch was to raise our feet toward each other and bump our shoes, as bros might fist bump or clasp hands. I commented touching each other’s feet together in Mongolia would’ve been a serious taboo, hehe. Still, I left those as my last in-person meet-ups to #StayHome and limit concerning others.

Perks of Being American

At home, my time zone matched most friends’ again, which made phone and video calls so feasible. I chatted with whoever reached out or replied to my outreach, which led to lovely chats with relatives, mentors, past classmates, fellow Peace Corps evacuees and more.

Introverted friends inspired me much when I checked in with them. They joyously shared how much time they’ve had for uninterrupted time to themselves and work from home. Introverts often touch my soul.

Being an ambivert feels weird for me sometimes, in how I straddle both sides. Extroverts often seem the ones I want, but introverts seem the ones I need. Nowadays, when being extroverted takes the effort, I find inspiration flowing from introverted bliss.

Community members I met in Mongolia continued keeping in touch with me, which helped me remember and stay close to my prayerful Lenten commitment to consult God on my projects.

Easter 2020 #WithMe with Family

My fourth week, my 21-year-old sister, the USC junior, flew in to celebrate our older bro’s 24th birthday. She brought her Nintendo Switch, so I soaked up the fun of “Super Smash Bros. Ultimate,” Nintendo’s “ARMS” demo and Jackbox Games with the family. After unis went online, our older bro transitioned to quarantine with his girlfriend and her sisters, but he still visited to celebrate his birthday with us.

I also felt joyful during Holy Week when the World Youth Day 2019 Mass soundtrack appeared on Spotify. It was an incredible choral and rhythmic masterpiece I never thought I’d hear again. I recently learned, too, a childhood best friend would receive confirmation this year—magnificent!

As on Sundays, I saw the Lent and Holy Week services on YouTube, between channels like Shalom World with Pope Francis, Ascension Presents with Fr. Mike Schmitz, Word on Fire with Bishop Barron, and Our Lady of Wisdom Newman Center with Fr. Nathan Mamo. A Kansan relative joked how COVID-19’s let us “attend” Mass in our jeans, haha. Dad’s fiancée and I talked about the newfound freedom to just choose any online pastor per week.

My Easter 2020 apex came Good Friday. I felt moved by the Vatican’s Way of the Cross, which read Italian reflections written by incarcerated and those whose lives they affected or whose lives affect them. They reminded me, for many of us, COVID-19 is nothing compared to the ‘normal’ sufferings of those behind bars, starving for hope.

Renewed Motivation

After Easter Sunday, my lil’ bro and I returned Sister to L.A., Dad returned to work in northern Nevada, and Older Bro returned to sheltering away. So since the beginning of Easter, April 12, 2020, I’ve spent my days seeking to accelerate into a newer, more stable motivated state.

I decided first to honor Dad’s suggestion to work-out and, with my lil’ bro’s help, added focused fitness to my days. I borrowed my siblings’ game system and games to finish one I started years ago while on the treadmill. I personally doubled-down on blog stories to get two through a week. And, setting up my new horizon after, I started looking back into language studies. Week 7 (April 17-23) added my return to polyphasic sleep to boost productivity.

I’m a hopeful man. So some days, especially between 4 and 6 a.m., I draw or write stories about the ideal life I wish I could be living. This helps me delve into where my yearnings really are, mentally. After seeing “The Rise of Skywalker,” I even doodled an Avatar like Rey meditating in the air. Then I try giving my wants back up to God, accepting I can’t have all those things right now. Usually this process illuminates desires I hadn’t acknowledged before.

I also recognize the steps I can take now to draw me closer to my future desires.

I spend idle thoughts when possible praying for others. I realize with so many people already praying for me, I needn’t worry about myself, since I’m taken care of. Instead, I should think to the ones who do not know the hope I feel. I wish some encounter might intrigue them and offer new peace. Such exercises remind me too of my privileges and help root me in my giving self.

Ecclesiastical Latin’s been a fun quest toward greater knowledge. It bridges both Mongolian and Spanish grammar, while drawing vocabulary I’ve encountered across English, Spanish, Mandarin Chinese and Mongolian, too. Plus I understand church music better now. It’s a fun journey. I found regarding Church language that Mandarin and Mongolian more frequently transliterated straight from the Latin, where English and Spanish adapted. Fun reading.

Five Months of Freedom

I read the soonest I might return to Peace Corps service in Mongolia would be October 2020. So, I’ll be here in the Pacific time zone for long, if you want to call someday. I’ve cherished my adventures and look forward to those ahead.

I’m ostensibly home for the summer, so I plan to write at least once monthly a new piece sharing unpublished bits from Mongolia, maybe a few new tales from American life, too.

Hard to believe after packing my Mongolian apartment, evacuating in our caravan to the capital, saying so-long to many, flying around the world and finally landing in Vegas, I’d finish revising and editing these blog stories #22 through 38. I’d been drafting them for months, weeks and days! At last, we’ve caught up.

So, as the days come, I’ll rise, read Scriptures, reflect, journal, chat with Asia, take to the treadmill, play some games, see some films or shows, try to eat well, try to work most muscles, try not to strain something, then return to writing, other reading, napping, showering, sorting, teeth-brushing, thinking and marveling. This leaves plenty of time to socialize. And I do miss you, wherever you shelter.

Keep in touch, Friend!

Up next is a 2020 Mother’s Day reflection.

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

#Peace Corps #Mongolia #memoir #memoryLang #MayThe4thBeWithYou #StayHome #WithMe #Coronavirus #COVID-19 #Nevada #culture shock #news #Las Vegas #Lent #Easter #USA #God #Catholic #evacuation #story

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pass-the-bechdel · 6 years

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Brooklyn Nine-Nine season one full review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

59.09% (thirteen of twenty-two).

What is the average percentage per episode of female characters with names and lines?

31.6%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Two (episode four ‘M.E. Time’ (40%), and episode twenty-two, ‘Charges and Specs’ (41.17%)).

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Three (episode eight ‘Old School’ (20%), episode nine ‘Sal’s Pizza’ (20%), and episode fifteen ‘Operation: Broken Feather’ (17.64%)).

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Sixteen. Four who appear in more than one episode, three who appear in at least half the episodes, and two who appear in every episode.

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Fifty-two. Thirteen who appear in more than one episode, six who appear in at least half the episodes, and four who appear in every episode.

Positive Content Status:

In a general sense, they score well, but they’re not strong on female characters and the single most prominent narrative thread of the season is bizarrely out-of-touch and repellent. They averaged out ok, but I was a lot more uncomfortable than I expected to be, and certainly uncomfortable more often than I was impressed (average rating of 3).

General Season Quality:

In a general sense, again, this is mostly lovely, the characters are mostly delightful, the whole thing is MOSTLY easy to watch and digest, mostly fun, mostly un-insulting. Mostly. If you’re not watching with a critical eye, it’s no doubt much easier to stomach, but, well...it’s my job to be critical. And I am.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

I know guys: it’s a comedy. The first thing people tend to say when you start trying to be critical of the content of comedies is ‘oh my God, lighten up! It’s not supposed to be serious!’, so let me just assure you all right now that I know Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a comedy. It hasn’t magically escaped my notice. But comedic intention does not somehow elevate the storytelling above reproach, into some fabled realm where everything goes so long as SOMEONE is laughing. In fact, being critical of WHAT we are laughing at (or what we are being expected to laugh at) is every bit as important as questioning why we are presented certain content in dramas or horrors or scifi adventures, it’s all still fair game on the narrative landscape, and refusing to interrogate humour is a gateway to forgiving all manner of sins, so long as they’re packaged as if they’re meant to be funny. ‘It’s a comedy’ is not a valid excuse for presenting or perpetuating bullshit, so let’s just get that idea out of the way.

The thing about comedy is, it works on an in-group/out-group mentality. Humans are pack animals, and whether we like it or not, we are constantly processing and evaluating information to determine who is ‘one of us’ and who is not. The people who find a joke funny are the in-group, the ones who don’t are the out-group. This is why, say, a racist joke is not just a matter of whether or not you’re ‘too sensitive’ or ‘too PC’ to get it, and it’s why hiding behind the line ‘I’m just joking’ is such a weak excuse; the out-group are not just sensitive and/or politically correct, they’re the people who recognise how that ‘joke’ reinforces negative stereotypes and thereby contributes to maintaining hostile mindsets about the subjects, the people who are ‘the butt of the joke’ (in-group/out-group is how comedy works; it’s also literally how discrimination works). The in-group are the people who don’t care: they’re the racists. When you laugh at the joke, you position yourself in the in-group, shoulder to shoulder with those racists, whether you personally consider yourself racist or not. Every time you ‘just’ make a joke, or ‘just’ laugh at one, you’re identifying yourself for those around you as belonging to a certain pack, a certain mindset, a certain outlook on life and the world. The concept of in-group/out-group mentality is actually integral to the thing which impressed me most about Brooklyn Nine-Nine in this first season: the handling of Holt and his sexuality. Bad representation in this case would be the kind that treats Holt and Kevin and - by extension - the entire queer community of the show, the audience, and the world, as if they are the out-group, with the assumption that straight people are the in-group, ‘the norm’. Even seemingly positive-toned representation can be framed as out-grouping if it approaches queer characters as ‘other’ and presumes that the viewer sees them as such (this is the kind of representation I flag as ‘just doing it for the brownie points’). Brooklyn Nine-Nine not only treats Holt as part of the in-group; the audience and the rest of the characters are treated as in-group, regardless of sexuality: it’s not about Holt’s team being good straight allies looking out for their gay Captain, it’s about the team being decent people looking out for one of their own.

So, what does this have to do with my season-long rage against Charles Boyle? Quite simply, we the audience are in-grouped with him. Charles occupies the standard archetype of a bumbling everyman, good-natured but hapless, and the expectation is that we laugh at his misfortunes while also hoping he’ll muddle his way to success. Personally, this irks me outright, because under most circumstances I’m not much into schadenfreude and I don’t find destruction or pain very funny (an exception would be Terry crushing things in his hands, because the comedy derives from him being ludicrously strong rather than from the idea that destruction of property is inherently comedic). Laughing at Charles being inept already rubs me the wrong way, but the way he is framed by the narrative - as part of the in-group with the audience by virtue of being one of our good-guy leads - encourages that laughter to be sympathetic. Yeah, we’re laughing at Charles’ expense, but it’s not supposed to be mean-spirited laughter at an out-group subject, it’s the chuckle you have at your friend who just fell on their ass, a chuckle expressed at the same time as you head over and make sure they’re ok. Now, the problem here is not that I want to laugh at Charles’ misfortunes in a mean-spirited way (as noted, schadenfreude isn’t my style), the problem is that sympathetic in-group framing, and how it extends to the framing of all of Charles behaviour. Because the show doesn’t seem to have realised that Charles is, in fact, a dick.

The big problem is his creepy obsession with Rosa, which the characters all identify as having lasted a full year, and which I have previously identified as workplace harassment. Charles’ relationship with Rosa - such as it is - is the largest narrative thread of the entire season, with a presence in more than half the episodes, and the show does a bafflingly awful job of challenging Charles shitty behaviour, to the point of repeatedly undercutting Rosa in order to have her reaffirm Charles’ sense of self worth at the expense of defending her own right to basic respect. The fact that Charles is presented to the audience as a sympathetic character we should root for is a big part of the problem; the fact that he is much more prominent than Rosa exacerbates this. Until the latter end of the season, any Charles/Rosa plots are pretty exclusively presented from Charles’ perspective, rendering Rosa an object in his story rather than an agent in her own, and since she is given far less screen time or personal stories or subplots that are NOT related to Charles, we as an audience are given very few invitations to view Rosa outside of Charles’ lens. This is already problematic in itself, but it’s even more so when factoring in the schizophrenic way that the show frames Rosa’s reactions to Charles: sometimes rejecting him soundly, sometimes casually palling around with him and accepting his invitations to movies, dinner, etc. TO BE CLEAR: there is nothing wrong with Rosa’s behaviour, she treats Charles as a friend/co-worker/equal, and she also regularly makes it clear to him that she’s not interested in him romantically. BUT the way the show approaches her from Charles’ perspective encourages the audience to feel sorry for him being rejected, rather than understanding Rosa’s difficulty in being harassed no matter how much she tells him no, and then when she isn’t openly hostile at all times we’re encouraged to see how Charles perceives this as an opportunity for him to win her over as if he’s getting past her defenses, instead of recognising overtures of basic human decency. The in-group we are expected to happily occupy is that of a harasser, rather than sympathising with the harassed.

BUT WAIT, it gets worse. First, Charles takes a couple of bullets for Rosa in the line of duty, prompting Rosa to feel conflicted because she’s still not into him but she also feels bad about turning down the guy who saved her life. When Charles later apologises for pursuing Rosa so obsessively, the apology itself - and the idea that Charles was in the wrong - is quickly buried by Rosa complimenting him. When Charles gets engaged and doesn’t invite Rosa to his wedding, she is upset since she has made a concerted effort to be his friend despite his garbage behaviour, and Charles throws his fiancee Vivian under the bus by claiming that SHE had a problem with Rosa coming to the wedding. Rosa later finds out about this, and follows up with...nothing? She sacrifices her and Gina’s secret sanctuary to give Charles a place to call Vivian in private (Charles repays this by immediately spilling the secret to Scully and Hitchcock, because he sucks), and then after Vivian breaks off the engagement, Rosa spearheads the effort to comfort Charles, culminating in her affirming to him yet again that he’s a good guy. The escalation of the whole Rosa/Charles subplot centres firmly around Rosa taking pains to make sure that Charles knows that he’s ~so great~ even though she’s not interested in him, taking it upon herself to comfort his widdle man feelings, as if that’s the most important thing we should be concerned about in this narrative: Charles feelings. By the time the story starts framing any of this from Rosa’s perspective instead of Charles’, Rosa is inexplicably fixating on looking out for him instead of getting any catharsis on her own experience. Rosa is denied her very real right to be angry and upset about the way Charles has treated her - and considering she’s already an angry person, it seems especially egregious that she is denied this feeling with him and instead exhibits the most softness and compassion we’ve seen from her so far - as ever, the narrative reinforces the idea that Charles deserves our sympathy in this scenario and that while Rosa does have the right to refuse his attention, she also owes it to him somehow to coddle his emotions and make efforts for him despite how he has totally disregarded her emotions for the past year. At no point do they imply that Charles is accountable for his actions, or that he has done anything worse than just having a cute unrequited crush. Poor Charles, so hapless, but don’t we all identify with that? From me personally, it’s a resounding NO.

After the season finale, I noted that Jake Peralta’s mature confession of his feelings for Amy creates a great counterpoint to Charles’ behaviour, and I’m gonna wrap this up by explicating that claim. The thing about Jake is that, sure, he’s immature - it’s one of his primary character traits as set out in the Pilot episode - and his immaturity does affect others in his life negatively at times, but mostly it’s self-contained, impacting the way that Jake lives but not adversely affecting others, and when he DOES adversely impact others, he tends to recognise that, apologise, and make it up to them. Jake doesn’t like to be reminded of his shortcomings or forced to focus or dwell on them, but he also takes responsibility for his own behaviour when it threatens the harmony of other people’s lives. Charles is presented to us as a much more mature adult character, and yet he is completely absent Jake’s self-awareness and willingness to shoulder his own emotional labour (or at least not dump it on others instead); he seemingly does not care in the slightest about the impact his behaviour has on others, and he’s happy to take advantage of the compassion of his friends. We see this obviously in the entire Rosa fiasco and the way the show has her pick up his slack, but she only gets the worst of it; see also, the entire squad avoiding Charles after his shooting because of his exhausting exploitation of their gratitude (never presented as malicious exploitation, but lacking any recognition from Charles that he is overwhelming others’ good will), and of course his ridiculous depression-spiral after Vivian breaks up with him, which is entirely attention-seeking rather than mirroring personal unhappiness; his actions are specifically designed to get in everyone else’s faces about how they should be sympathetic to him. He also throws people under the bus rather than dealing with his problems, as he does with Rosa’s wedding invitation as noted above, and again with Jake after he asks Jake to help him talk to Vivian about not wanting to move to Canada. And we’re supposed to sympathise with this guy? We’re supposed to laugh at how poor Charles just isn’t very good at handling confrontation or being basically responsible for his own actions? Compared to Charles, Jake’s immaturity is hardly worth mentioning, because at least Jake has mastered common decency. Charles is a whiny man-baby foisting his emotional labour off onto others and expecting to be coddled in return, a guy who harasses his coworker and then acts blithely ignorant to the meaning of plain words when she tells him she’s not interested (repeatedly), a guy who never had a personal problem that he didn’t try to make someone else handle for him. This show is MOSTLY delightful, but Charles Boyle is not. Charles Boyle is a small nightmare, and not a funny one, and it makes me concerned about the mindset of the creators of the show that they apparently think Charles is a good joke. They’re gonna have to make some really strong changes to the way they handle Charles and Rosa (independently and in interaction) in the future, or I am gonna be an angry out-grouper.

#Brooklyn Nine-Nine #Brooklyn Nine-Nine season one #full season review #Bechdel Test #female representation #B99

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hermessy · 6 years

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Why Rajan/Kala/Wolfgang does not work in the Sense8 Finale

Warning : I apologize in advance for my English, please bear with me as it is not my first language.

I would like to preface this by saying: I liked the finale. Even more so: I LOVED the finale, which came as a strange surprise to me. I was spoiled some time ago, as many in this fandom after the premiere in May, and to be honest, I was not anticipating the Sense8 Finale as frantically as I would otherwise have. I was not even excited, and I was ready to wait a few days for the hype to go down before watching it – and to think that last year, I was furious, enraged and crying after the cancellation and that after that, I danced and screamed with my siblings when I heard there was going to be more Sense8… But the Kalagang spoiler quite tampered my enthusiasm, and I went from passionate to downright skeptic. But Friday night, my father came home with a bottle of white wine, and as he is a Wachowski Superfan, he insisted to watch the finale – so we sat down together to drink and watch the finale.

I had a great time. I was surprised by how much I still felt so strongly about these characters, the story, and most importantly, I found the “Sense8 feeling” again: a sense of euphoria, excitement and wonder that no other show could radiate for me.

I cried several times, and I have to admit: Lana Wachowski has a unique gift for transmitting the feeling, untamed, the raw and pure emotion, and blissful happiness. The transcendence of feeling, the great wave of being. The miracle of love that is not a utopia, but a power most real and palpable. The Wachowskis made me grateful for my human existence and experience. I cannot thank them enough for that.

That being said, I still have some criticism, and while it did not spoil my enjoyment of the finale, I found afterwards that my concerns were still valid.

In most of their filmography, the Wachowskis have this one weakness: they tend to prioritize discourse over story. Most people say about Sense8 that it is more about the characters than the plot, which is true in a sense – but to be more exact, the Wachowskis prioritize ideas over plot. Everything is an illustration, a demonstration in service of a great idea, an existential message about our perception of reality and the world we live in. Nothing with them is left hanging, nothing is implicit or ambiguous. Part of their charm for me, and part of what makes them unsubtle, broad or naïve for others, is that nothing is left in silence: everything is articulated, every purpose of a scene, an arc, a character, is said out loud and exposed in the open. The Wachowskis characters are walking philosophers and comment the meaning of their own action all the time. And, personally, especially in Sense8, it was one of the aspects that I loved.

But sometimes, the downside with it is: the big idea takes precedence over the character’s and the story’s inner coherence.

Lana Wachowski has a big idea, uses this character to illustrate it, but in doing so she’s taking the risk of ruining said character, by making him or her do something that does not fit with the pattern and the personality previously established. Discourse plastered over characters, regardless of the story’s coherence, is never a good thing. It is a subtle and frankly quite a hard balance to maintain between the creator’s purpose and the character that takes a life of his own, with his own and strange independent growth.

And unfortunately, Kala’s arc was sacrificed to demonstrate the show’s final point. There were a few other incoherencies in the finale, but her character is where this problem was the most obvious.

I understand that Lana and the other writers wanted, for this miraculous finale, a happy ending for everybody. But good intentions do not always equate good storytelling. I am myself a strong believer in happy endings, but in coherent ones, not scattered and confused like the Kala/Wolfgang situation.

And before anyone accuses me of conservatism, or whatever: it’s not a question of polyamory. You may say: representation is important, and I completely agree. But when you decide to provide some representation, I hope you always do it with care, even more so if it is something that means so much, like for the LGBT community for instance. Precious representation should be treated as such. Here, I cannot think of another word than “careless”. I recognize all the good will, the originality of the twist, but it is at the expense of two seasons worth of storytelling and character-building. It was rash and unwarranted.

I kind of get what they were going for, and I think the key to understanding the meaning behind the Kala/Rajan/Wolfgang “throuple” is to find in the words of River El-Sadaawi at the Nomanita wedding, a speech that is a sort of manifesto, an afterword by Lana Wachowski for the show and its significance:

“No one thing is one thing only. How people endow what is familiar with new, ever-evolving meaning and by doing so, release us from the expected, the familiar, into something unforeseeable. It is in this unfamiliar realm, we find new possibilities. It is in the unknown, we find hope.”

And so, Kala’s dilemma found an unexpected solution within a new, unfamiliar realm. Instead of opting for the traditional route taken in similar romantic plots, Lana Wachowski resolved the problem by changing the perspective, cancelling the structure of the love triangle itself by rejecting its rules, and enter a new possibility we never even considered, far more satisfying, on the surface at least.

I fully recognize the merit of such an undertaking, but the end result was nevertheless underwhelming, instead of filling me with the intended sense of relief and triumph. I expected a triumphant love, what I got felt like a tepid compromise.

And more importantly, I feel like Lana involuntarily ruined what was always a cornerstone in the Wachowski philosophy: we are our choices.

“Is it we that make the choice or the choice that makes us?”

Kala has always been avoiding the responsibility of the choice that presented itself to her, the choice that would define her as a human being. Her whole arc was to get her to that choice, to find the courage to make it, at last. Her challenge was not the fear the choice, but to embrace it wholeheartedly. To be brave. To have the courage to determine her own destiny.

It is no coincidence that Wolfgang represented that for her. By choosing him, she’s awakening her own courage. Wolfgang is the one who awakens her to her warrior side, who unveils the power of the woman inside her. He’s the one who gives the fearful and hesitant Kala the strength to be brave and determined, just as she makes him vulnerable and trusting. He IS her courage, just as she IS his faith.

But here, in the finale, Kala escapes her choice. It is left open, hanging in uncertainty, and we were instead served with contentment on all sides: everyone supposedly got what they wanted.

But sometimes, I say: you don’t always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you get what you need.

Kala got what she wanted, the cancellation of her choice, but not what she needed: to face her fears, the image of herself that this choice reflected back to her, and embrace it. This choice was a necessary threshold for Kala as a woman, but now I feel like she’s stuck in limbo. “No rules” does not equal no choice.

I feel like there has been a great misunderstanding: Kala’s struggle was indeed linked with all the rules she internalized and the pressure she put upon herself (for her family is obviously very loving and gave her the freedom to make her own decisions). The societal rules were never a direct oppression, but more something she, a person with a high sense of responsibility, integrated on her own. She was, in a sense, her own persecutor, her own moral oppressor. It is interesting to see that as a woman, her first priority was to accommodate everybody before herself, and Rajan never questioned during the first season whether or not she reciprocated her feelings. To be fair, she never even dared to prioritize her own emotions in the first place. Because she still has a sense of obligation, to follow the scenario set by society and expected by the man in front on her, and in the end she does not dare to upset anybody.

The question of choice is the question of one’s own free will: it makes sense that in the end, Kala defies the rules she felt compelled to follow, the pressure to follow society and man’s desires and expectations before her own. But to make the choice, to be truly free, each one of us also has to let go of some part of ourselves: we have to let go to become something greater, and to live is always to die a little. Kala had to let the dream of being Rajan’s wife die, to embrace what she truly strives for.

But here, the alternative is: maintain everything. Maintain the status quo.

It does not work. The rule Kala should have let go was not the idea of exclusivity in marriage, but the idea of holding on to the structures that bound her to a man she did not love, because she internalized the societal pressure and felt compelled to respond to his advances. That the solution, in the end, is to say: “you will come to love him after he proves himself to you” sounds quite ridiculous in that sense.

Kala needed to find her own voice, articulate her own desires, not settle in a “in-between” space. She does not end with two full relationships, but a cheapened version of both. It is not in favor of Wolfgang, it is also not in favor of Rajan, a character I really enjoyed.

I think the fact that Rajan evolved, changed his perspective, went from a rich nice guy who pursued the woman he loved without asking if she loved him back and said “you look so beautiful when you’re angry” when said woman confronted him with his shortcomings, to the ride-or-die husband, ready to change and accept anything, was supposed the change the setting. If Rajan could change, the marriage could change and the rules with it.

But quite frankly, it cheapens the character of Rajan. I really like him, and he, like Kala, deserved better.

And it gets even more absurd with Wolfgang: Wolfgang Bodganow, the man that always confronted Kala with her own contradictions, who never compromised on his own feelings, always told the “ugly truth” that she avoided but needed to hear, that man gets on with it? In what universe is that believable?

The cornerstone of their relationship is: “What the fuck are you doing? You’re not in love with him.”

Sometimes, it’s as simple as that. “You’re not in love with him”.

What is a lover ? Because I do not question the fact that, in the end, she does love Rajan after a fashion. He comes to earn her respect, her gratitude, her estime. He is “more than the man (she) thought she married”. All that is true. It is love, a great love even, but in my opinion it is not the kind that builds and sustains a couple. It makes for a strong and faithful friendship, an undying loyalty, a partner. But not a lover. Rajan and Kala are not lovers.

And nobody will ever convince me that Rajan & Wolfgang will work within this arrangement. I will not even address that. It’s nonsense.

What makes me kind of sad, is that I truly enjoyed Rajan in this series finale. But he was reduced to a poor third wheel in a relationship that goes far beyond him. He deserves better.

I mean... What compare to this ?

Kala needed to find her voice of courage. She still needs to take a true leap in the unknown. A leap of faith.

I think that Lana is aware of that, in a way, because nothing seemed definitive in the finale. The only conclusion to which came Wolfgang and Kala was: “I don’t know”.

So that choice is still before her.

But, in the end, I still wanted to thank Lana Wachowski. Her love and dedication was truly palpable in this series finale.

And by the way, I refuse to consider this a series finale. So I say, until the next time, Cluster-family, and until the next time, dear Lana. You brought much joy to us.

Thank you.

#sense8 #series finale #amor vincit omnia #kala dandekar #kala rasal #wolfgang bogdanow #rajan rasal #kalagang #kala x wolfgang #kala x rajan #kala x rajan x wolfgang #rajalagang #lana wachowski #meta

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unicornprincessinthetardis · 6 years

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My (often relatively reasonable) dad: ...so Enoch Powell was right, what he said has happened.

Me: and you don't think maybe he could've said it without inciting racial hatred and literally saying that in time the rivers might run with the blood of 'native' British people because of immigration, do you?

My dad: no, you're being ridiculous, it had to be said, and there really are areas of cities that are majority black or Muslim now so he was right in his predictions, and it didn't change how things were anyway

Me: *goes away to calm down and read up on the 'Rivers of Blood' speech*

[I already knew some of this but here's a précis for those unfamiliar: in April 1968, in Wolverhampton, UK, a Conservative MP, Enoch Powell, made a speech, about the proposed 'Race Relations Bill' (which subsequently made it illegal to refuse housing/ employment/public services to people on the grounds of race/colour/ ethnic & national origins).

The speech was strongly anti-immigrant, calling for 'voluntary re-emigration' and for moves to be made to stem the tide of immigration, else Britain would be 'overrun' and sooner or later white British people would find themselves fully second-class citizens, and that in some ways they already were. He also talked about a "tragic and intractable phenomenon which we watch with horror on the other side of the Atlantic", which I take to mean immigration in the USA to the similar end of white people no longer being in charge - which in 1968 was so far from the truth, and just horrible baseless fear-mongering, playing on people’s xenophobia and racist prejudice - and compared pro-immigration/anti-discrimination newspapers to the ones that had denied and hid the rise of fascism and threat of war in the 1930s. Plus, he talked about a constituent of his, a woman who lived on a street that had become occupied by mostly black people, who lost her white lodgers and complained to the council for a tax rate reduction because she wouldn't take black tenants, and instead basically got told not to be racist, and presented it as a bad thing that she'd been treated like that.

The speech's common name comes from a phrase he quoted from the Aenid (because he was also a Cambridge-educated classics scholar), 'I seem to see "the River Tiber foaming with much blood"', although he just called it 'the Birmingham speech' and seemed to be surprised by the uproar he caused.]

Me (to self): So it didn't change things did it? How do you explain the attacks against nonwhite people where the attackers literally shouted his name and repeated his rhetoric? Oh, they would definitely have happened if he hadn't made that speech, wouldn't they? And the British people of foreign descent who were so afraid they might be removed from their lives just for not being white they always had cases packed to go? And the fact that experts says he set back progress in 'race relations' by about ten years and legitimised being racist/anti-immigrant in the same way UKIP and some pro-Brexit types have done within the last few years here (fun fact: immediately after the Brexit vote, people were being racially and physically abusive to visibly Muslim and/or South Asian people, telling them to leave because of Brexit, which was of course extreme nonsense because their presence would be nothing to do with the EU, and more likely the British Empire and the Commonwealth, but they were doing it because it seemed suddenly okay to be openly racist, because Nigel Farage and his ilk, and a legally non-binding vote surrounded in lies, said so) and others have done elsewhere, in the US and Europe and Brazil and so many other places.

Powell was interviewed about the speech in 1977 and stood by his views, said that because the immigration figures were higher than those he had been 'laughed at' about in his speech, he was right and now governments didn't want to deal with the "problem", were passing it off to future generations and it would go on until there was a civil war!

He also said he wasn't a 'racialist' (racist) because he believed a "'racialist' is a person who believes in the inherent inferiority of one race of mankind to another, and who acts and speaks in that belief" so he was in fact "a racialist in reverse" as he regarded "many of the peoples in India as being superior in many respects—intellectually, for example, and in other respects—to Europeans." (I mean, I know I can't hold him to our standards but a) that's still racism and b) he did think that mankind was divided into very distinct, probably biologically so, races, which, yes, normal for the time, but the whole 'each with different qualities and ways in which they were better than others' is iffy)

Me: *goes back to Dad to make my point and definitely not get upset* So here are some things that literally happened as a consequence of the 'Rivers of Blood' speech...

So even if he was correct to say what he did (I mean, he wasn't but you have to tiptoe around Dad and I had points to make), he shouldn't have said it the way he did

My dad: so you think the truth should be suppressed? You're only looking at this from one perspective (he thinks he knows better because he was alive at the time and my brother and I weren't despite the fact that we're both into politics and history and, y'know, not into scapegoating, behaving oddly, and laying blame because people are different to us - he and mum also have issues with trans people and we're trying so hard to change their views/behaviours but I'm not sure it's working & that's a whole different story) and there are these areas that really are Muslim-only (because informal lending and wanting to keep the community together is such a crime, right?) and they don't integrate and want to impose Sharia law (only he couldn't remember what it was called right then) and you don't know what it's like (he is an engineer surveyor and travels all over to inspect boilers and cooling systems and all sorts of stuff, and this includes into majority-Black or -Asian (Muslim and otherwise) areas in Birmingham - which is not a no-go area for non-Muslims, I'm a deeply agnostic white woman, it's my nearest big city and I wish I went there more often but it's tricky as I don't drive, public transport is bad/inconvenient, and I have no friends to go with except depression and anxiety [which are worse 'friends' than the ones that I found out only liked me in high school because I always had sweets and snacks at lunch so when I got braces and my mouth hurt too much to eat much of anything which meant I certainly didn't have snacks, they dropped me pretty quickly] so apparently he's the expert on all such matters)

What I wish I'd said: *staying very calm* well, and that's your opinion, I'm going, I've got sewing to finish *leaves*

What actually happened:

Me: have you considered that they are able to buy up areas like that because white people leave because of their prejudice against the 'influx'?

Dad: they buy up great areas because they buy in groups (I think this refers to a sort of community lending thing to be compliant with various parts of Islam? [Please correct me if I'm wrong] which is effectively what building societies/credit unions were, at least to begin with, and he doesn't take issue with those) and want to stay together. Why do they do that? Sikhs don't do that, they buy big houses and aren't bothered about being close together.

Me: different religious ethoses? I don't know... But you do know that they people who want the UK to be a caliphate ruled by Sharia law are just a minority, and that most Muslims would not want that at all, just like you?

Dad: but they still do want it, and it could happen, if there was a charismatic leader,

Me: *incredulous* you know it's about as likely for that to actually happen as for strictly Orthodox Jewish people to be able to make this country into another Israel, right? Besides, there are the police, and the armed forces, and intelligence agencies, not to mention the Government and civil service (thought I'd got a win there, he hates the unchanging upper-class-public-school-Oxbridge nature of the people who effectively really run the government, constant no matter the leaning of the elected party, but no) who have a vested interest in preserving themselves in their current state so would be able to stop anything like that

Dad: yes, but the cutting of funding to police and public services means they might not be able to stop it (I realise now that he's oddly economically left-wing but also really quite socially conservative in some ways)

Me: *getting angry* but it's still an absolute minority, most Muslims would be horrified if it really did happen, and have you ever considered that maybe they wouldn't be so ill-disposed to us and to integration if we didn't demand it of them the moment that they arrive, demand that they assimilate or go away (he often uses the phrase "yes, but they're in somebody else's country, they should make an effort") and maybe young people wouldn't be so easily radicalised and people generally mistrust the people who don't try to understand them, you know, want them to change everything about themselves (for instance, Dad is violently opposed to the burqa etc and not really a fan of the hijab - still doesn't get that it's a choice and people can do what they want because apparently 'anyone could be wearing one of those things' - burqas/niqabs, I presume - and that it must all be forced because who would possibly choose to dress like that - I have half a mind to show him those sites about Christian modest dressing (one was a shop and a lot of their range was pretty cute!) that I once found, just to see if that'll prove to him it is a choice thing) *tries to leave*

Dad: *angry* You stay there and listen to me! You're just looking at it from one perspective and that's not the truth, you're so biased and closed-minded, you only look at things your way!

Me: *furious* Really? Really? Am I? *Scoffs/incredulous exhalation* I'm closed-minded, am I?... *Storms out, shouts as I go* I'm not the one who said Enoch Powell was right!!

This is all heavily paraphrased, because I've been writing this for literal hours now and I was angry and don't remember well at the best of times, it may have been worse than how I'm writing it

Also, going to be tricky to patch up but right now I stand by what I said, because I know my perspective is limited, but at least I actually admit that and try to find out what people different to me think, rather than basing all my opinions and things on my own experiences which can't be universal, as he seems to

Other bs my dad said during the two conversations: "don't get so upset about it, it's only history" (which is bold, considering it was the 50th anniversary this year and he was literally 11 years old when it happened so probably saw/heard news coverage)... "Yes of course far right groups use 'Enoch was right' as a slogan, it doesn't mean anything"... Reiterating the 'nothing changed' thing multiple times... Dismissing the fact that Powell said there'd be a civil war because apparently just because the British/Europeans were aggressive conquerors anyone else who came in numbers anywhere would eventually have that aim and how ridiculous that view actually is... Dismissing the fact that Powell basically incited racial hatred and violence with the inclusion of an irrelevant Classical phrase which spread fear on all sides...

I could go on but I'm so tired and don't want to make myself more upset

I love my parents but I really don't like them very much lately but I don't know if I just put up with it or leave sooner or later and if I do leave I don't know where I'd go because no friends

Basically I'm so sorry for my parents' prejudices which I'm still trying to unlearn myself - I apologise wholeheartedly to all Muslim and Jewish people and honestly pretty much everyone they're prejudiced against

#personal #personal post #my ramblings #my rambles #ramblings #rants #my rants #family #british politics #politics #rivers of blood #enoch powell #religion #anti-immigrant sentiment (not mine #i'm so done #and so alone #i just want a friend #and ideally an income of some description #but if i register for jobseekers' allowance/universal credit i will have to try all the time to get jobs of all kinds and i don't know what #i want to do/am qualified to do/can do bc potent cocktail of autism/anxiety/depression/no self-esteem/perfectionism/home situation #im just horribly stresssed and worried about everything and mum won't go to the doctors about her failing physical health to spite me #and dad has the cheek to say don't worry!! oh thanks i'd never thought of that before!#mum had an ovarian cyst when i was a kid & she didn't go to the dr till it was so bad she could hardly walk so she was in hospital for week #and it could've been dealt with so much more easily if she'd gone earlier so i'm so scared it'll happen again #i mean i'll be able to look after us if it does happen again which is good bc grandparents absolutely can't now #anger #very long post #long post #islamophobia tw #racism tw

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agameofsouls · 6 years

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backstory // jackson + lyra

so, jackson and lyra are ocs that i created for a group rp that i used to run a year or so back. the history and lore was really really deep, and i actually spent months writing it and tying little pieces together to make a blend of rural folk village / supernatural monsters / scifi horror whatever that made me really happy to think about and plan out.

i actually had an entire notebook filled with different arcs and conflicts i wanted the group to work through, including a huntress, a dragon, blood spells, etc. unfortunately, we only got about half way through the huntress before things died out due to busy personal lives, and what have you.

this is just a small directory and explanation to certain parts of that world that are integral to the development of jackson and lyra as characters, and things that they have experienced from their old home, as well as links to posts from the group page with even more stories and information.

mostly, this is for my benefit so i can sort of feel better referencing their backstories knowing that this exists for anyone to read that’s interested.

also, i just really want my old favorite stories to see the light of day again. nightmare was honestly so important to me as a writer, lmao.

NOTE. this is a long post!

the town itself

Nightmare has been around for two hundred and forty horrific years. It was originally created by the legendary group called The Eleven, which consisted of: Five witches, two vampires, three werewolves, one necromancer, and several children belonging to most of the members.

The story is that left their homes in Salem, followed by groups of hunters, and traveled all the way down to Tennessee before disappearing into the Smoky Mountains, losing their would-be killers forever. It took them a while and a lot of settling down and uprooting before finally deciding on a permanent home, but they did it, and here we are: hidden, secret, and safe. ( more here )

essentially, the town is self sufficient, isolated in deep within the smoky mountains. there are several sister towns spread across the us, typically either in more wooded areas, or deep within the rarely traveled plains of the midwest, or the deserts of the mojave.

they are connected by ‘trails’ that are only traveled by those in the know, and nomads travel from town to town with goods to trade on a regular basis, and often bring newcomers with them that they found along the way.

the government system is fairly simplistic as well -- each species that resides in nightmare has one representative, whether because they were elected or are the only one of their kind, that sits on a council.

the power is usually passed through the family of the current council member, and doesn’t often switch hands unless something drastic happens. in the case that there are no familial relations of the current council member available, they will select another member of their species as their ‘heir.’

lyra + jackson

in this world, lyra lived a very carefree life. she was a bit of a criminal, and would often get into trouble on purpose just to have the sheriff of the town, tris, arrest her. she developed a crush on him, and they eventually started seeing each other, much to the dismay of lyra’s mother. she hated that tris was older than lyra, as well as a shape shifter. she thought he was dangerous, but lyra wouldn’t hear a bad word against him.

she also had a best friend, a witch named antonia, who she would drag into all sorts of trouble with her. the two were inseparable, except for when the law man came around. lyra never let toni go down with her, and always took the heat. freya always forgave lyra for any wrongdoing she did, and was the kind of mom that instead got upset with the guards rather than her own daughter for her ever growing criminal record.

on the other hand, jackson lived quietly. even in a place like nightmare, necromancers were still feared. their power was different than that of any of the witches, and it was mysterious. it made other people uneasy, and they didn’t have a lot of trust for young or new necromancers like him.

so he typically stayed home, tending to his plants and decorating his house to look like an hgtv model home. he also sold his fruits and veggies in the town center at his little produce stall, and made some extra cash that way. it was a far cry from his previous life, but he liked it.

he made friends slowly, and eventually befriended lyra. the two, along with toni, became close friends and would often spend time in jackson’s home having tea and snacks during the day, and going to parties at night. toni, while she spent her time with jackson and lyra often, still had a slight distrust of jackson, and would often make excuses to not join them on ventures. this left a lot of time for him and lyra to be alone and bond, and he quickly became her second most trusted friend in town.

when shit hit the fan and it was time to leave, they went together, trying to make sense of all the shit they had been through. after everything, they are inseparable, and would probably die for each other. there are very few friends as close as them, and they depend on each other to survive in the outside world.

the problem

For some reason or another, though, our population has started falling, and not because our citizens are leaving, either. Something’s been coming around when we don’t know it and making people drop dead left and right, whether it’s from a sickness or people being outright murdered, we don’t know.

The recent deaths are causing some tensions between groups and have cause productivity to dwindle as well. Some parents won’t send their kids down to the school and community events have begun to see a decrease in attendance as well. The Council is working on finding the source of the problem and a solution, but with even the Elders finding it difficult to work together, some people are afraid that this is the end of Nightmare.

so, basically, there was a sickness spreading, but it was only affecting certain groups, such as the witches and sirens, specifically. it had slowly started to spread to other species as well, enough that a true ‘pattern’ hadn’t been picked up just yet. no one could figure out how it spread, and no one could figure out a cure or a source for it.

there was no magic that could stop it, no potion that could slow it. it seemed to suddenly hit a person, and within a matter of hours to days, they were dead.

what the townspeople didn’t know was that the sickness was entirely created in a lab. freya, the alpha of the werewolf pack and current holder of the werewolf council seat, had been contacted by a mysterious organization from the outside world regarding a research project into special beings.

the organization wanted to study the dna of supernatural beings, to see what made it different from humans, and if it was possible to cure, or if it was possible to weaponize and turn regular humans into these creatures.

they wanted to see if they could modify regular human dna to pass it on like any regular trait and have it manifest in their children, thus manufacturing witches, werewolves, or even hybrids of any of these species. it was a long shot by far, but they were willing to pay for any help.

for a while, she helped the organization by gathering dna samples and sending it off to a drop point. it was harmless. they compensated her well, and she was able to provide the town with wealth and new things that they never had before. but then, operations at the organization switched hands to someone with a little more darker intentions.

this new head had led the scientists in the direction of extermination -- treat the genetic markers like a virus, create a serum that destroys it, kill the monsters, ensure the survival of pure humans. now, this worried freya, and she pulled out almost immediately, until the head made a deal with her -- provide the dna of the creatures you don’t like and we’ll stick with them. your kind will be safe.

she quickly bought into this, and brought her brother in on the situation, and continued to provide dna from witches, shape shifters, and sirens alike, always avoiding her kind. the organization gave her a satellite phone, as described in this post, and she began to poison the town slowly through the well systems.

the huntress

in the midst of all the chaos and fear caused by the sickness in town, something perhaps worse came to nightmare via an old legend called the huntress, fully explained here.

Legend tells of an ancient hunter made immortal and unstoppable by a group of religious witches to destroy the races of monsters. Their chosen Huntress was taken from her life of poverty and misery and used in a forbidden ritual dedicated to the dark gods. During this ritual, half of her soul was ripped from her body and placed in a token of the Huntress, for safe keeping. The gods replaced the missing piece of her mortal soul with pieces of their own, effectively making her one of them, therefore making it impossible for her to die by normal means.

the story ends with the huntress being trapped in a chest, passed down by the bloodlines of the original witches that created and later imprisoned her. a ritual was to be performed during a full moon every century, but that instruction eventually fell to myth and then became hardly a memory, and the whereabouts of the chest were eventually forgotten.

it turns out, like a lot of things do in this town, that the chest ended up in the attic of the council building, just waiting for a little something like the hunter’s moon to come out and let the huntress out to play.

That moment finally came as the moon reached the highest point in the night sky, casting moonbeams through the trees and onto the buildings in town. One in particular hit the attic window of the Council Hall, illuminating the small, dusty area. It rested on the wooden panels of a particularly dusty and battered looking chest that hadn’t been touched since the Founders chucked it into the attic – which was the last time the chest had been touched.

Just minutes after the light of the moon touched the chest, it began to rumble, softly at first, and then violently. The rumbling then spread to the attic itself and then to the building, making ceiling tiles fall and the wood flooring and walls crack. A dark smoke, moving almost like liquid, began to seep from the seams of the chest and surround it, hissing whenever it came into contact with the wood. Finally, the rumbling stopped, the smoke disappeared, and all was silent.

BANG

It sounded as if several canons had gone off in unison, temporarily deafening anyone in the vicinity of the Council Hall. As the sound went off, a burst of magic exploded from the chest, sending wood pieces flying through the attic and either becoming lodged in the walls or blowing holes right through them like a shotgun blast. The burst of magic flew through the entire town, knocking every living being off of their feet and also knocked the wind right from their lungs. Several light bulbs blew out with the blast and windows shattered, and some people even dropped dead, causing more terror and panic than the initial magic had caused itself.

the rest of the huntress returning to this world can be read here!

after her return, one of the ghosts alerted the town to an ongoing crisis by ringing the bells and causing an even bigger alarm than her arrival did. that can be read here, and so can the official death count from the morning after.

this arc was never finished. i like to think that the town eventually solved it, that they were able to find her token and destroy it. i imagine that it was crushed by either tris or toni. but it was in a climactic moment. fire raging around them, the huntress standing with an arrow ready. the hero drops the token, and crushes it beneath their boot.

with a scream, the huntress let a final arrow fly, killing the hero, just as the trapped piece of her mortal soul came flooding back into her, and forcing the immortal bits out with another flash bang of magic. it forces the huntress onto her knees, and another of the heroes, either lyra or jackson, was able to take the sword and kill the huntress with it.

in the end, a majority of the town was killed, and it was evident to most people that the population would never recover from what had happened between the huntress and the sickness. a few dozen people decided to stay and rebuild, having faith that things could ever go back to normal.

others left, whether to rejoin regular society, or to join the other sister towns for a while, it wasn’t specified. but this event essentially blew nightmare off of the supernatural haven map for a while.

it was from this that jackson and lyra decided to leave. they had witnessed so many friends and family members die, and they both wanted out of that life. lyra left behind her mother and her future as alpha of the pack. jackson left his home behind, and off they went.

#( character study ) lyra #( character study ) jackson #( headcanon ) lyra #( headcanon ) jackson

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