#it's just that when life gets overwhelming i tend to let my home get that way too

[queerstudiesnatural]

sometimes watching tv is good :) i've been watching home decor and home organising shows for the past couple of weeks, and today is my very first day of summer holiday (perks of being a teacher) and i immediately started reorganising and cleaning up my home

[harmoonix]

I N S P I R A D O R A

☀️ (Astrology Observations) ☀️

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

☀️~ Ray of Light ~ ☀️

☀️ - Sun conjunct Venus/Neptune natives really share a very beautiful personality, they're very positive and full of life

☀️ - Mars aspecting Lilith (h12) or (h13) = Bad bitch vibes, you do you and you don't accept nobody's disrespect

☀️ - Mercury - Moon aspects may really enjoy music like a LOT, and especially if you have one of these in air signs 100%%%%%%%

☀️ - Saturn aspecting Pluto can really have an overwhelming life, things can sometimes get down and you can feel hopeless at times. But you don't have to forget that you are strong and don't let their things put you down

☀️ - Sun at 6°. 18° degrees natives analyze everything they see. They can read people on their face, idk is like these natives have the power to see what's behind someone's emotions

☀️ - Neptune aspecting the ascendant natives sometimes have a hard time thinking about themselves, because they tend to prioritize others more than themselves

☀️ - Moon in Libra often gives the native fox face/ fox eye figure. for example watch out Madison Bee, Ariana Grande and Alexa Demie have Libra moons and their eyes are close to fox eyes

☀️ - Sagittarius Sun natives will be the people to call out all the lies, they can't accept to be lied on. I know numerous Sagittarius Suns who rather prefer to hear the truth than to be lied on

☀️ - If your boyfriend has an Fire Venus, be sure he'll be very passionate in everything he does. Venus in Fire Signs usually has a spark in their eyes when they do something with passion

☀️ - Mars square Moon/Sun has very strong emotions when they're getting angry, they will probably need some time alone because their personality can be destructive at times

☀️ - Erato (62) - aspecting Juno (3) = Very erotic relationship, and you can seek for eroticism in your life. Very erotic spouse aswell and I feel the tension already...

☀️ - Be careful at natives with Sun - Jupiter aspects in harsh aspects because their pride and ego sometimes it can be bigger than everything, I know someone with those aspects and omg she always thinks she's better than others (I need Maddie from Euphoria to slap her to reality)

☀️ - Neptune in the 12th house can often experience deja vu, they are spiritual and connected to their higher self

☀️ - Mercury at 10°, 22° degrees can be really into singing/ Capricorn degrees can influence and grant you success if you try your best

☀️ - Moon/Sun in the 9th house can be into occult/religion/witchcraft and they can share a communal love for Gods (if they believe in a God/source/universe etc)

☀️ - Sun/Venus/Moon in the 11th house make the best friendships, they connect with people so easily and they're so nice with people, is very hard to not be friends with them

☀️ - Mars conjunct/square/opposite Midheaven (MC) can cause others to see you as a competition and mostly jealousy. So most times is just better to mind your business and to not enter in a contact with people who can seem envy from the first sight

☀️ - Natives with Sagittarius Venus/Venus in the 9th have chances to be in a relationship with someone foreign/ far from home/ your spouse can be from another country/culture and honestly is so cute

☀️ - Saturn aspecting Venus can worry so much in relationships, some of these natives can even be over thinkers for their own reasons, I think another great lesson of theirs is to learn how to love without having difficulties

☀️ - If you want to have very chatty people in your life find someone with Gemini/Aquarius Moons because they are the most communicative out here,you can really talk about everything with them

☀️ - Capricorn Mars/Venus Men are really the gentleman of the zodiac, like the damn sir you really are a king (My Venus doesn't match with this one sadly but I met so many men with those placements and they were really amazing people! sorry my Venus doesn't match with it)

☀️ - Virgo Risings can attract really lovely people in their lives because of their 7H in Pisces, I love these placements so much, because your 7H is also ruled Jupiter who gives you so much luck

☀️ - 1st house ruller in the 6th house can be a big indicator that, these natives need to focus on themselves pretty much in their lives. You'll experience a lot of things that's for sure

☀️ - 1st house ruler in the 10th house on the other side, will mostly prioritize their job/career and that can grant them success in their lives

☀️ - 1st house ruler in the 7th house can prioritize relationships pretty much in this life, like they'll be always searching for that type of person who can be theirs forever, and be careful at enemies too most times they can be hidden

☀️ - Mercury at 3°, 15°, 27° degrees can indicate someone who likes to talk a lot, or just someone who needs to talk more

☀️ - Mars at 8°, 20° degrees makes the person attractive to the opposite sex (even if sometimes they don't want that) it's just attraction

☀️ - Natives with Midheaven (MC) at 2°, 7°, 14°, 19°, 26° degrees can make a good a first impression to the people who approach them

☀️ - Cancer Placements/4th house placements can be the best emotional supporters or the best emotional manipulators, it really depends on these placements and how act towards people

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☀️ Sun is such a very beautiful planet, Leo Risings are so lucky for having this gorgeous planet as their ruler 😭☀️💞

☀️ Have a very beautiful day full of light and full of love, let the Sun ☀️ rise on your street to make you feel better and to bless you ☀️

☀️°☀️°☀️°☀️°☀️°☀️°☀️°☀️°☀️°☀️°☀️°☀️°☀️°

- Harmoonix ☀️💞

[pickingupmymercedes]

Ways to say "I love you" - Lewis Hamilton

I'm back with more Lew ❤️

warnings: mostly fluff, bit of angsty

wordcount: +3k

important: each drabble was writen as a snippet into different moments with Lewis. There's 10 more of those, but this was getting huge, so this is part 1.

With a hoarse voice, under the blankets

Life had been hectic, as it tended to be around the weeks before the final couple of races. You and Lewis had been on the road since mid October, not really going back to Europe since the US GP in Texas. The week off between São Paulo and Las Vegas the perfect opportunity to take a few days off in California with his friends. It was tiring, but you’d never complain of having a full passport as a down feature for your job.

The week of the Las Vegas GP was packed of events and promo for everyone, and to top it off a quick impromptu meeting with the board in the media day of the GP turned into a 5 hours long debate, that went well into the night.

You got back to your suite almost at midnight in serious need of a shower and some sleep. What you didn’t predict was Lewis already tucked into the bed, sound asleep.

You tiptoed around the room to try and find your things, not being lucky in the slightest you settled for a shirt Lewis had used in the road trip from LA to Vegas. The quick shower, only meant to decompress, had you engulfed in Lewis’ perfume, from both his shower products and shirt.

Lewis soft breathing guided you to the bed in the darkness of the room and when you got under the soft covers a pair of arms guided you to his chest, the one place sure to get you blacked out in minutes.

“They're in serious trouble for keeping you for so long” his horse voice an indication he had been in deep sleep already

“Sorry, took longer than we expected”

“Can’t wait to have you all to myself. Gonna have to lock you up at home during winter”

“No need, I’ll always find my way to you”. You mumbled into his neck, already nestling closer to him, ready to drift off.

A scream

“I love you” You screamed when you realized you’d never catch him, mid airport track, hoping the wind would somehow carry your words. His head turned abruptly, his face had confusion written all over his features, he was stuck in place, too stunned to comprehend the sudden confession you were hollering to the world but couldn’t say aloud to him just hours ago. You ran to him, security, people and restrictions be damned, that was your one chance.

“I love you, Lewis. I have loved you for longer than I care to admit, I have not stopped loving you even when I said I didn’t, even when hating you was all I wanted.” within arm’s reach you admitted breathlessly, doe eyes looking at you with such intensity you were sure he could see into your soul. His hands cautiously outstretching towards yours, waiting for you to take it, waiting for your mind to catch up to the feelings you had just admitted, waiting to see if you’d finally let your heart take over.

You didn’t take his hand though, going instead for the back of his neck, caressing the soft skin at the base of his hairline with your fingers, his overwhelming gaze waiting for your next move, for you to fully give in, looking from his eyes to his mouth until his scent and his touch were all that you felt. His hold on the lower of your back, the brush of his eyelashes on your cheeks and his taste on your lips were all you could ever want. The decision of a lifetime, one that after that day you would make every day, over and over.

On a random Tuesday afternoon, the late sunlight glowing in your hair

The thing with Lewis was he was too much of an Capricorn for his own good, the earth in him urged for stability and trust, and in the familiarity and serenity of home he urged for security, not that he wanted a predictable life, but he wished that no matter what, he had someone he could fall back on.

“Move in with me” He blurred out of nowhere causing you to lightly laugh at him, scotching closer to his chest as if there was any space left between you, both laying comfortably tangled in each other in his house in London. Pillows and blankets around you on the floor, the late afternoon sunlight hitting the glass on the dining table and reflecting up at the ceiling, a movie on the tv neither were paying attention to.

“I mean it. I don’t see myself without you, I don’t want to anyway.” he almost whispered in your ears, the low volume to his voice amplifying the seriousness in his proposal. Turning your head to look at him you held your gaze into his for minutes, almost daring him to call off the offer, but he never did. His warm smile spreading onto his features when you crocked your head and smirked, specks of the late sunlight glowing where they hit your hair.

“I’d love to” you murmured, straddling him and pushing his chest so he’d lay back down on the blankets, hovering your face over his, leaving ghostly soft kisses on his lips, coming back up to look him in the eye, time and time again. Convincing yourself that it was okay to finally let your walls down for good.

“I love you; you know?!” a statement so surely presented to your, so pure. He didn’t wait to hear it back before pulling your to his chest and his lips, he didn’t have to.

When baking chocolate chip cookies

“We’re baking chocolate chip cookies!” You exclaimed as you entered his home gym in London mid-winter break, supplies in hand already anticipating half of the ingredients wouldn’t exist in his fridge.

“Excuse me?” He questioned as he set the weights down and reached for the towel to get the sweat dry from his forehead

“C’mom, vegan chocolate chip cookies” you rushedly told him already half way back inside, leaving a confused Lewis searching for any meaning to what had just happened.

As he approached his kitchen, he could hear the soft music playing in the speakers in the background while you danced around arranging the things you’d need.

“Care to explain, love?” He leaned at the stool just under the glistening spotlight and the couple of trays spread at the kitchen island.

“Your niece and nephew are coming over tomorrow” She retorted, almost a duh expression on her features as she chopped the vegan chocolate bar.

“Y/n, they know I’m preparing for the season” He lovingly replied, getting closer to you.

“Oh, they’re not exactly for you, Lew. I mean, they’re still vegan if you want to try them.” You turned into his embrace, leaving a kiss to the corner of his lips before wiggling back to where the many food items were.

“You show up at my house midafternoon, fully stacked, to bake vegan cookies for kids that aren’t coming until tomorrow and don’t really expect to eat anything but fruits ?!” He crocked his head, smirk fully on display as his eyes gleamed.

“That’s like half the reason I came. Apples and bananas are fine, but they are kids.” You shrugged as that was the most obvious thing.

“We’re really baking cookies then, I guess?!” He reached to you and grabbed the flour off of your hand, pouring it into a bowl.

“Chocolate chip cookies” You corrected him, laughing as he stole a few of the chopped chocolates still sitting on the chopping board 

 

Not said to me

You jolted up from your sleep when you heard a loud cry, frantically looking around the room you remembered you weren’t home when your eyes found the luggage in the corner, yours and Lewis’s belongings neatly tucked in the adjoining closet, a stark contrast to the baby clothes and toys scattered around the floor and armchairs. Slowly coming to your senses, you realized the crying was in your dreams when you heard a happy babble, followed by your husband’s low voice coming from the balcony of the hotel room.

“Sshh love, we don’t want to wake mamma up now do we? She’s taking a nap so we can go for a walk down the beach later.” The little girl instantly responding with a babble at the word she knew all too well.

Getting up you didn’t have the heart to interrupt the scene that played out when you peaked from the opened French doors of the room, deciding to quietly watch from the threshold as he kept blowing raspberries onto your daughter’s tummy, the chunky toddler in nothing but her diapers, in the hot afternoon summer breeze of Italy in July, excitedly clapping her hands for her dad while sitting on his legs.

“Oh, I miss her too baby, even when she’s just in the other room… I’ll tell you a secret though, even if momma tells the world we’re twins, every time I see your eyes, I see hers, the same one I’ve been in love with for a long time. Everyone says you are my hard carbon copy, but I love that I get to look into a piece of your mommy whenever I look at you".

When we lay together by the sun

The sun in your skin felt divine, a stark contrast to the wintery end of year you’d been having back in Europe, the heat and humidity in the air bringing to your senses the familiarity of northeast Brazilian weather in the hottest months of the year. His touch on your shoulder blades providing even more warmth, big hands massaging your whole back with sunscreen.

“By all means I’m the biggest fan of your back massages, but I put on sunscreen just a couple of hours ago” you giggled looking at him over your shoulders, sunglasses on the tip of your nose.

“Just making sure you’re protected, will you do mine?” He asked after tying the strings on the upper part of your bikini and giving your bum a checky light smack.

“Yeah… come here you Briton” grabbing him by the arms you sat up on the lounger and guided him to sit in between in your legs, his back already hot from the sun exposure.

“Thank you for coming here with me, I know we made it a 4 times header not going home to rest for a bit after Mexico.” You told him while spreading the white content of the Brazilian sunscreen you’d bought, throwing away the british one, not properly suited to sun in the tropics from your past experiences.

“Any time, love.” turning to face you he pulled you by the waist, his signature smirk and relaxed eyes scanning yours. “Especially when it includes this little paradise.”

“Have I told you I love you yet?” You questioned, the toothy grin he loved so much splattered on your face, his strong arms around you, the sounds of crashing waves in the background, white sand in your toes and his skin smelling just like your favorite childhood memories did.

“Not today, I don’t think so. Eu te amo” a questioning look as he tested his Portuguese around you, crushing his lips in yours while you giggled, raising you up to his body so he could hold you in his lap, his touch also how home felt to you. 

Over and over again, till it’s nothing but a senseless babble

He felt the first little droplets of rain hit his skin as soon as she screamed “run”, laughing while holding her oversized hat to her head. He sprinted towards her, grabbing her waist, effortlessly stopping them both and turning her body to him, her eyes holding the warmth that lately he could only find there, his face adorned with adoration, her dimples fully showing as her lips plastered the sweetest of grins.

“I love you” He couldn’t help himself, those 3 little words coming out as easily as breath, the thought of how hard it’d been to get them out in the first place long forgotten. She held his gaze as if trying to eternalize those memories, the afternoon summer rain falling hard around them whilst rays of sunlight hit the concrete, their clothes drenched, drops of water running down their tangled bodies.

“I love you; I love you; I love you” senseless babbles that professed his utmost emotion, holding her up to him and kissing in the pouring rain like they were teenagers in a cheesy movie.

A whisper in the ear

Being back to Europe always took you some time to get acclimated, and it didn’t help that that particular winter had been the coldest in years, so much colder than what your body was used to, so you wrapped yourself up in blankets waiting for your boyfriend to get out of the shower and join you in bed, hopefully helping you to warm up.

His parents, siblings, niece and nephew were gathered for an impromptu 5 days getaway in the mountains, in the middle of wintery January, snow everywhere and days filled with winter sports, fireplaces and laughter from the people that had welcomed you as family. 

“Hey gorgeous, I thought you’d still be down there” he smirked his way to the open luggage on the little sofa by the bed, towel low on his hips and another in his hand for his face.

“Everyone went to bed, something about getting some sleep to beat you on the slopes tomorrow” You giggled the last part, knowing how competitive they could get. He chuckled and made his way towards you, getting under the blankets and bringing you over to his side, just his presence enough to soothe away the tight muscles from the cold.

“How come you’re always running so cold?” he whispered in your hair, wrapping his arms around your waist and hips and bringing you to his chest. His skin radiating warmth and the smell of your body wash, since he’d forgotten to pack his. Fingers absentmindedly tracing random patterns on your thighs, your eyes lazily trying to focus on the news on the tv but failing miserably, the world could wait until the next morning.

“I love you” was the last thing you heard he whisper, his hoarse voice heavy with sleep, his arms scooching your body closer to his while making sure the blankets covered you both before he let his own sleep take over.

As we huddle together, the storm raging outside

Sundays after races would always be busy for the both of you. The rain was falling hard as you entered the small RV as quietly as you could, founding Lewis ingulfed in his own thoughts and feelings when you finally cleared through your duties, way past the time you wish had.

Taking in how his arms and back looked tense while he rested his head on both his hands sitting in the small sofa, you brought yourself to stand right in front of him, softly running your finger on his neck until he looked up offering a sad side smile and tugged you to his lap. You hadn’t spoken to each other since before he got in his car, well over 4 hours prior, but you didn’t have to.

He needed time to process what happened, he always did. Lewis could always come to interviews looking like he had it all together, always with the right words, but you knew, from the crease in his forehead and the way his shoulders dropped whenever he breathed a little deeper, that his calculating-looking actions and words were just knee-jerk reactions.

“I love you” you said into his neck, a consolation of sorts, huddling together, sitting on his lap with his head resting on your chest and his arms holding your waist tightly. At least in that small room, neither of you had to think about the storm brewing outside, not yet anyway.

Over the shoulder

The championship had, yet again, came down to the last race and the doom could be felt even from outsiders. The last time it happened Lewis wasn’t even a Ferrari driver, but everyone remembered.

You had tried to block the subject from your conversations with him, warned everyone he had enough of the comparisons, made sure he had all the space to breath, concentrate and shield all the noise from the outside. Yet, in the apparent serenity of the hotel bedroom, the quietness would scream back at him.

“What if it’s not meant to be?” He snapped you out of your thoughts as you finished some reports on your computer. His eyes a mix of something you couldn’t quite pint point, his walls up even for you.

“Then you’re still a 7 times world champion, a driver who’s won for McLaren, Mercedes and Ferrari, a trailblazer in the sport, entrepreneur over a variety of assets, founder of Mission 44, British knight, Brazilian honorary citizen, Anthony and Carmen’s son, Nicolas’ brother, my mom’s favorite son-in-law… oh and Roscoe’s dad, of course.” He smiled as you got to his family, scootching over to be by your side on the balcony sofa and laying his head on your lap.

“I would hate to be an almost champion… twice”   

“Yeah, we would all hate that too. And it’s okay to feel all kinds of way about possible results, but we’re not gonna known until we know, right?!”  You felt him humm in response, your fingertips going through his braids, trying to sooth the tensions away from him.

It wasn’t until the soft humming of a phone in the bedroom that you realized you had fallen asleep in the balcony, his body moving almost automatically to get him up while his features revealed how he too had dozed off.

“Will you still love an almost champion?” He prompted suddenly, almost like he had just remembered he had to know, eyes twinkling under the lights.

“Babe, I stayed even in the timbs phase, didn’t I?” You smirked back earning a full soundless chuckle, those that had him reach for his diaphragm and shake his head left to right.

“You’re lucky I love you; you really are.” You heard as he looked over his shoulders just as he got back inside.

[agirlcandream84]

Impossibly, More Boyfriend!Frank Headcanons

It only took one time of Frank hearing that some fucking creep on the subway took a little too many liberties in a crowded car and rubbed his junk into your ass for Frank to quite literally never let you take the subway again. It was Uber!Frank from there on out.

Frank never admits when he’s sick— forbid he look weak-- and instead insists he can “sweat it out” at the boxing ring followed by him falling dead asleep on the couch with his enormous scruffy head in your lap as you drag your nails in circles across his back

If needed, Frank could exist on beans, eggs and tuna for the rest of his life but he makes very sure that your every craving is tended to— claiming he didn’t want you “gettin’ all cranky on him” if you didn’t get your coffee exactly as you liked it or didn't get Thai food every Friday night.

Anytime work was getting the better of you, overwhelmed with deadlines and a terrible boss, Frank would pull you against him, his hand cupping your cheek and coo at you to quit already and just let him take care of you once and for all, "Come on sweetheart, the only bullshit you should be puttin' up with is mine. I'll take care you baby."

If you happen to be in the vicinity of Frank hanging out with his buddies and the conversation is a little too crass or crude Frank is quick to say “Hey cut that shit out. My lady is in the room. Mind your fuckin’ manners” and you just roll your eyes, the guys shutting up quick with "sorry frank" mumbling around the room.

Because you refuse to own and carry a gun, Frank is obsessive about making sure you know how to defend yourself, like hugging you from behind while you stir a pot of noodles and insisting you “get free. Come on sweetheart, gimme that elbow. Nah im not playin. Do it harder" while he holds you immobile and flopping around in his arms.

Frank will casually come home with some of the biggest gashes you’d ever laid your eyes on and make nothing of it but the minute you’ve got a bruise or a scrape he’s whipping out the first aid kit and a lecture and then texting you throughout the day to see how you’re doing like “how’s your hand? You keeping it elevated like I said? How’s the swelling? Curtis is stoppin' by later to take a look"

Frank was at his hottest, in your opinion, when he was interacting with your mom or aunts or grandma. Respectfully calling them “ma’am” and acting as their personal handyman around the house. They practically have him on speed dial and you're not even part of the equation. You see him grab his toolbox and head towards the door saying “your ma says the faucet is leakin'. Want me to get you a smoothie on the way back?”

kthanksbye

[lieslab]

Waiting for us

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Seungmin X gn reader

Summary: After going to a carnival and getting stuck at the top of a ferris wheel, you crumble in your boyfriend's arms.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 5K

Trigger warning: Heights, anxiety, depression, mentions of nausea, parental issues, child abuse and neglect, self-hatred, self-harm, and mentions of not eating.

A/N: To whoever requested this, I don't know how you feel about carnivals. I don't know how you feel about ferris wheels and heights either, so I guessed. One of my most precious memories is my local county fair during warm summer days. I hope this warms your heart as much as it warms mine <3

_ _ _

You were playing pretend again. You were like a dancer frozen in time and trapped in a music box. Life cranked the knob and the music twinkled in the background. You spun, not because you wanted to, but because you had to. 

Life was hard, it always seemed to be. The weight of mental issues on your shoulders made it worse. Around and around you went playing the game of life. However, lately, it was just…different. 

The gears in your music box had rusted over time. They creaked and your music was beginning to warp. Years of endless dancing made you grow fatigued. You could barely find the effort to keep going and yet, you continued on and on. 

You were supposed to be happy today. You were trying your best, you really were. Your boyfriend had the whole day free and the two of you were supposed to enjoy the carnival together. He met you at the door with a grin and you tried to return it, but something was off. 

He noticed how defeated you looked instantly, but he ignored it. Feelings for you were fickle and you tended to struggle with them a lot. Talking about them was difficult and it made you uncomfortable. 

He didn’t know what it was, but he knew that you were off. The brown bags beneath your eyes had shifted to plum purple. Your cheeks seemed a bit more hollow than usual. There was a lingering darkness that surrounded you, but he didn’t know how to bring it up. 

Feelings for both of you, it was a bit of a struggle. Neither of you wanted to be a bother towards the other. It was one of the things that you both needed to work on in the relationship. 

When you arrived, you had high expectations. You thought the situation would cheer you up, but it didn’t. Carnivals were supposed to be filled with bright colors. Laughing people and screams from carnival rides. The oiled scent of fried food and the bubbling of excitement flowing through your veins. 

Everything felt entirely different this time. The colors were more muted and the background sounds seemed faint. The scent of fried food made your stomach churn with nausea. You couldn’t imagine eating a single bite without throwing up. 

You felt empty on the inside and you’d felt that way for a while. After a slew of personal issues, it was difficult to find your happiness. Things tended to control you more than you wanted them too. You didn’t know how to stop it. 

There were eyelets in your limbs with strings laced through. You were pulled in different directions and none of those were in the direction you wanted to go. A puppet on a string, you struggled with everything. 

Beside you, the warmth of Seungmin’s hand clutched yours firmly. He let you through the entrance after the two of you paid and he stopped on the path that led down the way. 

“So what do you want to do first?” 

Your eyes scanned the area as you debated. The more you saw, the more you just wanted to go home. Your anxiety was growing with the more people you saw and it was overwhelming. 

“What do you want to do?” You asked. 

Seungmin clicked his tongue and glanced around the area. “Well, I suppose we can go on the ferris wheel if you’re not a chicken.” 

“I’m not a chicken and I don’t mind heights.” 

“That’s what they all say.” 

“Are you challenging me?” 

“It’s not a challenge if you cop out.” 

“Fine, let’s get wristbands and then we can go on the ferris wheel. Just for that, we’ll go on it more than once. I’m not a chicken.” 

“You’d look cute with tail feathers.” 

You rolled your eyes and walked with Seungmin towards a ticket booth. Since you planned to spend a few hours here, you both decided it was a better option to get wristbands. Who knew how many rides the two of you’d go on. 

After retrieving your wristbands, the two of you headed to the ferris wheel. Since the carnival was in a larger city, the ferris wheel was bigger too. Small colorful enclosed baskets went high up into the setting sun before they curved and came back down. 

Soon, the neon lights in the place would be turned on. Seungmin specifically brought you here for that reason. Everything looked better in the evening at carnivals. The neon colors popped and the air was electrified.

When neon colors clashed together with upbeat pop music and laughter from everyone, it was otherworldly. To experience something by yourself and yet everyone was experiencing the same thing around you in their own little bubbles, it was magical and he loved it. 

The cabins looked like hot air balloons. The wide tops bulged out with the help of curved titanium rods and the supporting frame. The baby blue frame had been detailed with royal blue shadows to create the illusion of a basket. 

Neon lights wrapped around the whole piece and glittered neon blue when the time was right. Other baskets were created similar and with different colors. The whole thing was much larger and more sophisticated than the average county fair ferris wheels with metal bucket seats. 

When it was your turn, Seungmin gently led you in front of him and let go of your hand. The attendant held open the small metal gate for you to climb in. Once you were in, Seungmin moved to the opposite side and sat down. 

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two of you. You lied to Seungmin, you hated heights, but you knew that he liked the ferris wheel. Seungmin liked anything with beautiful detailing and photographic qualities. He was probably going to take photos of the view and upload them to Bubble later. 

A round table sat in the center of the two of you. You let your arms rest on it and let out a soft sigh as the two of you were slowly eased up. The soft breeze was enough to catch your hair and pull it back. When Seungmin realized it, he let out a small laugh. 

You pulled up your arm and let your chin rest on your hand. Trying to ignore the growing fear, you let your eyes shut. Seungmin pulled out his phone and began to snap photos. 

“I think I was wrong about you. It’s clear that you’re not a chicken.” 

“I told you,” you mumbled. Your stomach churned and the beginning of nausea was beginning to creep up. You forced yourself to suck in a deep breath and try to calm down. 

The ride kept going up and then stopping as more people got on until it finally began going up and didn’t stop. Your eyes squeezed shut tighter and you eventually shifted. Your palms dug into your eyes as you buried your head in your hands. 

The movement caused Seungmin to glance over. He frowned and spoke up. “Hey, are you okay?” 

“I hate heights,” you mumbled. 

“Then why did yo-” 

“Because you wanted to see the view and I didn’t want to let you down. You were teasing me and I didn’t want you to think I was a coward.” 

“Baby, you know I was just kidding, right? If you would have said something, I wouldn’t have made you go on the ride. I could have gone by myself and gave you some money to go get a snack or something.” 

“I don’t want your money!” You snapped. The situation wasn’t such a big deal, but with everything going on in your life recently, you were upset. Things kept going wrong and the pressure gauge was beginning to crank up. How long were you going to keep things to yourself until you blew? 

Seungmin stared at you for a moment, unsure of what to do. There was more tension between the two of you. He couldn’t see your face as you hid it with your hands, but he knew you were struggling. 

The longer the silence went on, the more he realized he needed to say something. It was clear that you weren’t going to address the elephant between the two of you. Something was going on with you and if he had to, he was going to pry it from you. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but a loud creaking sound interrupted. Down below, someone screamed. Your hands jerked from your face and you looked around with wide eyes. The ferris wheel halted with you and Seungmin stuck at the top. 

Gears ground together and shouts filled the air. In the middle of your panic, you slipped your hand into Seungmin’s and he squeezed it back lightly. You sucked in a shaky breath and squeezed your eyes shut again. 

“What’s going on?” Someone shouted at the ride operator down below. 

The ride operator had hit the emergency stop button when things started to go wrong. He cupped his hands together and yelled back, so everyone could hear him. 

“I don’t know, but hang tight. Don’t worry, we’ll get it figured out soon enough. You guys might be stuck for a bit.” 

Around the wheel, there were a plethora of different responses. Below you, someone complained and another one groaned. Someone else tried to see the positive side of things and complemented the view. Your heart pounded in your chest as you kept hold of Seungmin’s hand. 

“Are you okay?” Seungmin spoke softly. 

All you could do was frantically shake your head back and forth. Seungmin shifted in his spot and the cabin began to rock slightly. Your panic grew until the comforting scent of Seungmin’s cologne filled your nose. 

“Don’t worry, I’m right here, I’ve got you.” He wrapped an arm around your neck and tugged you closer. Comforted, you buried your head into the side of his shoulder. 

With his other hand, he reached over and gently began to loop his fingers through your hair. The soft gesture always comforted you when you were struggling. You buried your head further into his shoulder, but it wasn’t enough. 

You wanted to block the world out and forget this entire thing happened. You wanted to be back on solid ground. You wanted the comfort of your bed. You wanted your heavy limbs to find comfort in the cotton sheets and silk pillowcases. 

“Come here.” 

You didn’t fight it when he gently pulled your body closer. The way he moved you around, you felt like a small child. His fingers found your hips and he pulled you onto his lap. Your legs straddled his and the table behind you pressed against your back. 

Seungmin shifted back and you fell back with him. Your head landed on the curve of his collarbone. His arms wrapped around the small of your back. Despite the horrific scenario, you found yourself being comforted. 

“Is that better?” 

“Mm-hmm.” 

His left hand began to lightly draw patterns on your back. He could feel how tense you were in his arms. You were worked up about everything. 

“It’s alright, I’ve got you and I won’t let go.” 

“Promise?” 

“I promise.” 

The breeze picked up and swept your hair off to the side. Seungmin’s head rested back against one of the metal poles. In the distance, birds were happily chirping and unaware of your predicament. 

Seungmin was nervous, but he wasn’t outright terrified. He knew the ride operator was trained and the carnival had protocols in place. He knew that they’d know what to do to get them out of the situation safely. Besides, being worked up about it would only add to your stress. 

In his chest, your eyes were squeezed shut. You sucked in deep breaths trying to find rhythm in the madness. Your fingers clutched the back of Seungmin’s shirt. After a while, he began to hum, hoping it’d calm you down. 

When you began to relax, he let out a sigh of relief. He let his eyes shut and continued to find comfort in you. You were his warmth. You were there for everything for him and he wanted to be there for you too. 

“Baby, I think we need to talk about something.” 

You shifted your head with your eyes shut. Instead of being buried in his chest, your cheek pressed against it instead. You kept your eyes shut, so you didn’t have to see the staggering view down below. 

“Hmm?” 

“I don’t want to ruin our day, but I really think I need to talk to you about some stuff. I know feelings are uncomfortable for you, but over the past few weeks…no,” he shook his head. “It’s been longer than that. I should have brought it up, but you like your independence. I know you find it hard to lean on me.” 

A lump began to fill the back of your throat. Despite the closed eyes, you could feel the burn of tears welling up. You thought you were doing a good job, but clearly not. He knew something was wrong. 

“I don’t like seeing you suffer alone. You mean everything to me, you know? I’m sorry I don’t say it enough, but I mean it. I’m not good with words, but you make me feel mushy on the inside.” 

“Everyone says you’ll come around when you’re ready, but you haven’t. You just slowly keep getting worse and worse. I’m afraid for you, baby. I’m afraid something is seriously wrong and I know how you struggle. You’ll drown silently before you ever reach out for help.” 

“It’s partly my fault, I should have brought it up sooner. I just…” He trailed off and squeezed his arms around you tighter. “I’m so afraid of saying the wrong thing and losing you. So please, please tell me what’s on your mind. Maybe I can’t fix it, but you don’t have to do it alone.” 

Your breathing hitched as your fingers curled into him tighter. You weren’t sure how to get the words out. You didn’t know how to say it, but you had to try. He was right, you were tired of drowning. 

“Do you ever…do you ever just feel like everyone’s against you?” Your voice came out shrill. You tried to swallow to hide it, but it stayed there. “Like no matter what you do, you just can’t win?” 

“Sometimes, yes, but I remember all the good in my life and I focus on that. I cherish the little things I have and the relationship I have with the people around me. I have my band, my fans, and my family. Plus, I-” 

“They hate me,” you weakly got out. 

“Huh?” 

“My family.” 

Your eyes finally opened to view the scene down below. Your teeth sunk into the soft skin of your bottom lip as you tried not to sob. Below you, friends and families were gathered and laughing. 

You could see them now. The mothers on the carousel holding their kids up and making sure they’re okay. The fathers clutching the handles of the rides and screeching in delight as their child giggles beside them. 

The sickly sweet artificial taste of bright pink cotton candy melting on the tongue of a three-year-old. Above them, their parents beam and ask how it tastes. It’s the first time they’ve ever had something this sweet before. 

On the other side of the carnival, a grandparent is playing skeeball with their grandkid. The two are laughing and the grandparent feels like a kid again. The potential of winning a large prize makes them aim carefully and try their hardest. 

A couple is announcing their pregnancy to their parents right before they play mini golf. They’re all so thrilled, the parents are hugging and kissing. The soon to be parents are ecstatic and clutching tightly to each other via hands. 

Parents are everywhere. It’s the adopted kid who happily runs and leads his adopted father towards his favorite ride. It’s the stepkids who are warming up to their new stepmother. They’re nervous and looking over at their father for reassurance. He breaks the ice by buying them all lemonade and sprinkled candy apples. 

Families and parents were everywhere. Compared to what you went through with yours, this was like a mini trip to hell. You couldn’t help, but feel stung by defeat being here. In front of Seungmin, while admitting this, you felt three inches tall. 

Your limbs were weighed down with sadness and melancholy. The scene was beautiful up here and yet, you couldn’t help, but feel blue. The sky was filled with swirls of lavender and citrus oranges. Some god had blown the sky full of confectionary kisses, but you couldn’t focus on it. 

There was an ache in your bones and a longing. A longing for a life of love. Being in a romantic relationship didn’t fill the void left behind by parental issues and it never would. You could be in the happiest relationship and the hollowness could still creep up. 

Everyone wants to be nurtured and loved. Every kid deserves to be loved, but not every person deserves to be a parent. There are no regulations as to who can be a parent. For some, it’s the best thing to ever happen to them. For others, it’s a life-long burden. 

“Am I difficult to love?” You went on. “Is there something wrong with me? I don’t think my mother loves me very much. I thought I meant everything to her, but lately with her actions, she just…” You trailed off, unable to finish. “I just want to be good enough.” 

Seungmin’s heart cracked in his chest at your words. The ooze of hurt surrounding you filled the air and it curdled his marrow. You were the love of his life, how could someone not love you? 

It was like someone had gotten out the scissors and began to snip through his heartstrings. Every word you uttered, it was another snip and another gust of pain. How could your parents not love you? 

“Is that how you feel?” 

“I can’t handle it, Seungmin.” 

The use of his name and not a pet name was like a slap to the face. 

“It’s killing me and I-I can’t deal with it. How do I become someone else?” Tears started to drip down your cheeks. “How do I become better? How can I be a better kid? What am I missing?” 

“Do I need to act differently? Do I need to get plastic surgery done, so I can look better? I feel like my mother’s little barbie doll. She controls me, but she doesn’t really love me. I want to be loved. I want to be needed. I want to be wanted, and I-” 

Your voice broke off. Seungmin shut his own eyes trying not to cry at your words. He knew you had issues with your family, but he didn’t know it was this bad. You hid everything so well. You kept it from everyone and kept it locked away because that’s what good children did. 

Good children shut up about the abuse and neglect they received for the sake of their parents’ image. They uphold the look that their parents have conjured up. They do such a good job, you’d never know. 

You’d never realize those bags beneath their eyes are from lack of sleep. You’d never know how much they’ve been screamed at. You wouldn’t know how much they’ve destroyed themselves to keep their parents happy. A child will do anything to please a parent. 

On and on it goes until a child breaks. The moment you do, there’s a target on your back. You’re not strong enough, you’re not brave enough, you’re not smart enough, and you’re not good enough. Just wanting their approval, you believe them. How could you not? You just want to make your parents happy. 

But bad parents deserve to be outed. It is a privilege to have a child. You are creating the next generation. You have a choice in playing a role in what type of person you want your child to become. 

How dare you break them down into bits of self-hatred and disgust when somewhere out there, another mother would kill to have a chance to lift their child up. Someone out there dreams of telling their child that they are precious. Someone strokes the face of a child in their dreams and they will never have it. 

“It hurts. It hurts so much and I feel like I can’t do anything right. I can barely eat and I’m either not sleeping or I’m sleeping all the time. I feel like I’m slowly rotting from the inside out. I don’t know how to escape it. It got so bad the other day that I…I…” 

The words got stuck in your throat and they wouldn’t come out. It hurt to admit that everything got so bad that you needed some sort of release. Shaken like soda, you were ready to explode. Self-harming had always been a release for you. 

It made you feel like you were doing something right. You were punishing yourself for everything you weren’t. For not being good enough. For not being able to endure the pain. For not being strong enough. For being unloveable. 

Your blood was tainted with sadness. It oozed out bright red and all you could do was watch with a sigh of relief. For once, you were finally doing something right when everything else seemed to be wrong. 

You didn’t have to finish the sentence, but Seungmin knew. His arms tightened around you and he pulled your body towards him even more. He wanted to take it all away. He’d embody this sadness and soak it up like a sponge if he could. 

Your breathing grew ragged as you tried not to cry. You were outside, but there were people below you on either side. If you started to sob, you knew you’d gain their attention. Plus, it might stress out the ride operator down below. 

“Hey, hey, hey, shhh.” Seungmin’s hand comfortingly rubbed your back. “It’s alright, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” 

Your voice tightened again, “I just want to be loved.” 

“And loved, you are. It seems like I need to do a better job at showing you that because you don’t feel like it. You mean everything to me and I’m sorry your parents are that way.” 

“You’ve grown up and turned into such a wonderful person. It’s shitty that they can’t see that. Despite everything, you have turned out amazing. You have a golden heart. You’re precious on the inside and out.” 

“Do you really think that I’d fall in love with just anyone?” He continued. “I’m so picky with who I date that Lee Know believed I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life and then I met you.” 

“I’m a burden.” 

“If you mean making me stutter like an idiot and making my heart flutter, then yeah, you’re a burden. You’re a burden when you send me those goofy selfies and make me blush so hard that I can’t help, but smile because you look cute.” 

“You’re such a burden because every time you text me during rehearsals, I blush and look like an idiot in front of my band members. Do you know how many times I’ve been teased by the old man?” 

You sniffled. 

“Every time he teases me, I tell him that it must be hard for him. Not a single person has looked his way. Why do you think he’s always flirting with the fans on Bubble? He’s like a dog in heat. When he’s horny, everyone knows about it.” 

The sudden confession made you snort. Seungmin smiled and kept talking. “You’re my pride and joy. You know how you have your photocards of me in your wallet? Yeah, well, I made some of you.” 

“Really?” 

“Duh! I’ve gotta be ready to show off my significant other at all times. I could talk about you for hours. You know what?” 

“What?” 

“You’ve got me so smitten that I asked Hyunjin for date recommendations. You know how he’s the romantic one? Yeah, I caved. You’ve got me wrapped around your little fingers.” 

“Really?” 

“Mm-hmm.” 

You sat up with teary eyes and another sniffle. Seungmin stared at you and gently brushed his thumbs beneath your eyes. “Oof.” His face scrunched up. “Crying doesn’t look the best on you.” 

You ignored his teasing comment. “And what did Hyunjin say? What was his suggestion?” You reached up with your palms and rubbed the wet tears away. 

“Look at me.” 

You pulled your hands away and glanced up at him. You didn’t have time to react as he cupped your face. Before you knew it, he tilted his head and connected your lips. 

Up above the world, the two of you shared a soft kiss. Your lips were seeped in salt from your tears, but he didn’t care. All your previous negative thoughts began to fall away. 

So wrapped up in everything, you forgot about the person who meant the most to you. You forgot about the joy he brought. You forgot how he seemed to melt away every bad thought and warm your heart. Your arms wrapped around his neck and he tugged your hips closer. 

“I got it!” A voice called from down below. There was a creak and the ride began to boot up. Around the two of you, there was a faint hum and the neon blue bulbs around your basket tinkered to life. 

You pulled away from Seungmin wide-eyed and breathless. The two of you glanced around and the ride began to descend. Seungmin’s arms stayed wrapped around your waist. 

“We’re going down?” 

“We’re going down,” he echoed. 

“Thank, fuck.” 

He leaned back when you let your chin drop to his shoulder. Your arms wrapped around his back and you let out a final sigh of relief. His hands found your back. 

“I know I’m not perfect and I won’t be able to give you what your parents couldn’t. I just hope you realize how good you are and how much you mean to me. Your parents are assholes and you deserve the entire world. I’d do anything for you.” 

“I just wish things were better with them.” 

“I know. The next time you feel like hurting yourself, please talk to me. I don’t want you to feel like that ever again. Even if you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll make an exception and let you cuddle me.” 

“Really?” You pulled away from him with bright eyes and a smile. He nodded with a fluttering heart. You looked good with a smile. 

“Um…” Your smile fell. “I’m sorry for ruining our date. That was a lot and I-” 

“No worries, it’s okay. I’m glad we got to talk about it. You know how I said crying doesn’t look good on you? Your best look is the one where you’re smiling.” 

“What if I was wearing something ugly?” 

“Doesn’t matter, the smile brings it together.” 

“You’re being cheesy now.” 

“Hyunjin said being cheesy was good.” 

“You should stop getting dating advice from Hyunjin. I don’t want to date him, I want to date you. We should just do whatever you want to do.” 

“I’m so sorry this happened. Please forgive me!” The ride operator was incredibly apologetic as he opened the small metal gate. “Were you crying? I’m sorry!” 

“It’s alright,” you smiled at him and shifted off of Seungmin. 

The two of you left the basket and you were happy to finally be back on the ground. Seungmin linked his hand through yours and shook his head. “You’re right, I’m never listening to Hyunjin ever again.” 

“What do you want to do then?” 

“I want to go get us our favorite slushies. Try not to cry and season yours with your tears. I highly doubt salty slushies taste good and I’m not buying you another one.” 

“Touché.” 

He led you through a path of people and towards a slushie stand. As you passed a stand with fried food, your stomach loudly rumbled. Your cheeks went bright red as you mumbled an apology. You hadn’t eaten in so long that your hunger was finally starting to come back. You felt a million times better after the conversation with Seungmin. 

“Scratch that, we’ll get food and then we’ll get slushies. I bet I can eat more fried food than you.” 

“No way!” 

Seungmin smirked, “then prove it.” 

“I will!” You stuck your tongue out at him. 

Seungmin instantly jerked his hand up and gently pinched the tip of it. You pulled away and gagged. “Ew! Gross! You’ve got cooties!” 

“And now you’re infected too. Boo-hoo. Whatever shall you do now?” 

“Another kiss?” 

“Only because I feel bad for you. My kisses are rare, you know? My lips could warm the arctic if I traveled there.” 

“I hope you never read any of Hyunjin’s poetry again.” 

“Just for that, I’m telling Chan you want to call him grandpa from now on. Since you need a new family, he can be the first one to test it out on. Just wait until he hears about this. You’re never going to hear the end of it. I’m texting the group chat and maybe you can call Lee Know ‘kitten’ or something.” 

“Seungmin, no!” 

“Last I checked, I was your baby.” 

“Baby, no!” 

He grinned and took off into the crowd. You screeched and sprinted off after him. He pulled out his phone and dodged and weaved. You yelled after him, not caring that people were staring at the two of you. 

As you flew by an elderly couple, the pair watched you dart down the path. The woman laughed as she squeezed her lover’s hand. “I remember how those days were.” 

“We were just two young kids in love. I’m glad that it’s still playful and timeless as ever. I can’t remember the last time I ran that fast.” 

“Me neither. I treasure those memories a lot. We might not be able to run, but we sure can fly. I’ve heard they're letting adults ride on the carousel. Want to give it a shot for old times sake?” 

“Of course I do, darling. If it’s with you, absolutely. I’ve said it years ago and I’ll say it again, I’d do anything for you.” 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡|

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[kindnessoverperfection]

I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

[astroismypassion]

Astrology observations 🌇🌇🌇

Credit goes to my astrology blog @astroismypassion

🌇 Capricorn Venus or Venus at a Capricorn degree: you will have people that will love you even after 10 years! You are unforgettable and people keep memories of you for a longg time let’s just say this.

🔆 Libra Chiron, Chiron in the 7th house and Chiron at a Libra degree: you might take care of more house chores than your partner. Your partner might go on weekend trips with friends and you will be staying at home, taking care of home.

🌇 If you have Virgo Mars, you appear very sexual or just a sexual person to your close friends and co-workers despite this being your authentic self or not.

🔆 We people ask me about compatibility? The easiest trick to check is to look at your crush’s parents Sun signs. It tells you which energy they are familiar with. They might not always have the best relationship with their parents and those Sun signs, BUT it is the energy they are most comfortable with despite everything. Like your crush is a Cancer Sun and their parents are Gemini Sun mom and Cancer Sun father. They are very comfortable with Cancer and Gemini energy or understand it best. The other hack I would use? Check their best friend’s Sun sign or the person that they are a very close friend with. Usually people are so similar to their friends that they often share placements, so it’s very revealing too. Like your crush is a Cancer Sun, but his best friend is Taurus Sun? He is very comfortable with Taurus energy then. And you know how they say that guys are kind of in love with their best buddy? It helps if you are a female version of that said best friend. 😂

🌇 If you have Virgo Mars, you appear very sexual or just a sexual person to your close friends and co-workers despite this being your authentic self or not.

🔆 Libra Chiron and Chiron in the 7th house: you might get blamed for a lot of things your partner does! Like your partner could start having a drinking problem, people could start saying that this person started drinking because of you. Especially for bad habits.

🌇 You will feel the most productive when the Moon is in the same sign as your Mars sign. You will feel the most active and like you can achieve a lot in the day when Moon is in Sagittarius for example if you have a Sagittarius Mars.

🔆 8th house sign shows what you feel trapped by hence which freedom you desire. Cancer over the 8th house you feel trapped by your own emotions and you dream of freeing yourself of your strong emotions. Taurus over the 8th house you dream of financial freedom, yet when you have lots of money, you tend to feel trapped by it.

🌇 Neptune in the 1st house: people get a lot of ideas of how you’re like, personality wise, your life experience and outlook on life, so when they get to know you they get either positively surprised or a bit disappointed, because their illusion of you breaks. People also feel like they can perceive whichever traits they want to see in you in that moment without anything really connected to the actual you.

🔆 Neptune in the 3rd house, Uranus in the 3rd house: you might get into the habit of muting people on social apps. Sometimes because you literally don’t want to hear from them too often and other times, because you get so easily OVERWHELMED with constantly receiving messages.

🌇 I think a clear sign that is better that you date that person after your first Saturn Return is if you have Saturn in the 1st house synastry overlay or Saturn in the 1st house in the Composite chart. The same goes if you have Saturn in someone’s 7th house in synastry, might be a better chance at a relationship with them after Saturn Return.

🔆 Scorpio Rising and Pluto in the 1st house seem to always come up with some ‘royals’ metaphor. They love to talk about that. Perhaps because they see themselves as powerful or striving to be like other power figures, in their head: royals.

🌇 Look at the chart wheel and check all degrees of the planets. This will be your age of your big transformative, life-changing, influential events of your lifetime. Never underestimate that. If you have Venus at 22 degree, you may most likely never forget what you learnt about love, relating, values, work ethic, your talents, self-care, self-worth and self-esteem that year when you were that age.

🔆 Cancer Mars men seem to view women as something to be conquer, yet become really selfish, arrogant and a bit narcissist when in actual partnership.

🌇 You know the trick with getting more recognition and likes on social media is really just embracing your MC energy. If you have Leo MC, just post sunset picture that only you know so well how to take. Or post something creative, like something you drew, painted or you singing, performing, playing an instrument. People love seeing content of the themes of your MC sign, degree and house ruler.

🔆 The decan of a woman’s Sun sign can point to her partner, spouse. For example: if you are Taurus Sun, Virgo Decan, your partner can be Virgo Sun.

🌇 Scorpio, Aries Ascendants are those people you just cannot picture in your head against someone. They are already full on their own, hence they don’t even seek partnerships that much. Libra Ascendant on the other hand, always needs to be in a partnership. Like having a partner is part of their identity. Like Leonardo DiCaprio, a Libra Rising native. Gemini, Virgo, Aquarius Ascendants, I gather, tend to like connections, but would prefer a friendship over partnership. They really prioritise friendship and platonic connections.

🔆 People that have Lilith conjunct Juno can really struggle with actually committing. Or this is the person who might constantly say that they are not ready for a relationship, despite probably being very charming, even flirty in their own attitude.

🌇 People often wonder and speculate, even question, someone’s sexuality if the person has Venus conjunct Mars, especially in Cancer, Libra, Taurus, Aquarius and Gemini.

🔆 Virgo Lilith woman was conditioned at some point in their life with perception that red nails, or even make-up is “a whore look”. They might be silently judge women with red nails or too much make up. So they prefer minimalistic, really natural, clean-looking nails and make up (or non) to avoid their own mental picture prison they created for themselves, because they might even judge themselves if wearing it.

🌇 A lot of Pisces Risings, Neptune in the 1st house, Neptune aspect Ascendant women and even men loove to wear shells jewellery, like a necklaces, earrings, an anklet.

🔆 And also Pisces placements are fans of anklets, jewellery around your ankle.

Credit goes to my astrology blog @astroismypassion

[when-november-ends]

witchcraft things

that didn't work for me

and why

- kitchen witchcraft

i love cooking and i love working with plants, however incorporating spells into my food didn't work for me. i got way too distracted by the spell part, that i completely forgot to make the food taste good. and as much as i love magic, it took the fun out of cooking for me. because now, cooking wasn't something fun where i could experiment with flavors and textures, it was something i had to put thought into beforehand. and i like to be spontaneous with my cooking.

- protection spells

protection spells seem to be the most important part of the witchcraft community. and i do think it's important to know how protection magic works, but it's also very unnecessary to have protections up 24/7 if you're not famous or have many enemies. i tend to forget about my protection spells, so they just sit on my altar, untouched for months and i forget to make new ones. hasn't hurt me so far tho, so i'll be saving those up for when and if i actually need them.

- casting a circle

not gonna lie, i tried that once and never again. it felt so pretentious to me.. like i was in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. and not in a good way. i stumbled across that practice on witchtok first, that was when i thought i was wrong for practicing my way and not how other people said i should. i don't think casting a circle is a bad thing to do, but it absolutely is a bad thing to do for me.

- bowl spells

bowl spells are one of my favorite kinds of spells because they're interactive. you put things in, you take things out. the energy doesn't feel stagnant and the spell is always working it's magic as long as you interact with it. ....but unfortunately my adhd made it very clear to me that those kinds of spells aren't something that works for me. i forget about them 5 minutes after i made them and they never get interacted with, so they don't do much of what they're supposed to. i would definitely recommend them to people who remember to take out and put in stuff tho, because the concept is great.

- scrying

gods, did i want that to work. divination is my favorite kind of witchcraft and i'm great at it! so when i learned about scrying, it was something i immediately got interested in and tried. i tried fire and water. fire worked a bit better, because the flames are dancing and water is reflective. that meant for me, i was always seeing things in it that were physically there, and couldn't concentrate on the scrying part. honestly i don't really remember why the fire method didn't work out, but i assume i got distracted really fast or lost in my thoughts.

- veiling

veiling can be done for many reasons. mine was, that i wanted to use it as a way to protect myself from all the different types of energy in public places. every person has their own life, with their own problems and their own current state of being. and since i have social anxiety, i thought veiling would be worth a try so that public places perhaps wouldn't get overwhelming as fast. well, that backfired because before i could try it, i realized i was trans and the head covering made me feel very dysphoric when i put it on at home. i never attempted anything similar again after that.

- ancestor work

i lost someone really close to me in early 2020. she wasn't a blood relative, but she was my dad's best friend, our landlord (who lived in the same house as we did by the way) and she saw me grow up since i was a baby. i was so desperate to try and talk to her. i tried to reach her myself, i asked other witches for help, but it never worked. after a while i decided to let her be, because the constant getting my hopes up and then being disappointed didn't help my mental health. i just wanted to know if she was okay now, but i think i just have to trust that she is. as for my other ancestors, i don't know anything about them and i am not really interested in finding out. i wasn't close with any of my great grandparents because we saw each other about once a year until they died. they didn't do anything wrong, but i don't want to force a connection.

- dragon work

damn. i really love dragons. all my life and with all my heart. and i truly believe that they are out there (not physically, like dinosaurs were, but in a similar way the gods are out there). i've done a lot of research on the topic, but my mental health got in the way. i don't have the concentration to reach out to them, nor will i be able to dedicate a specific amount of time to them regularly, which i feel like they won't like. i will try again when and if i get better, but until then it goes on this list of witchcraft things that didn't work for me and why.

[inthestarsme]

Astro Notes pt. 7

These pictures are not mine! I have taken them from pinterest, the second one seems to be from "Rachel Home and Life" on Pinterest.

‼️Don't repost my Observations without consent and mentioning my page‼️

I very much respect non-binary or trans people. If i'm talking about man or woman, i'm talking about cis-men or woman i know, because often, due to societal coding/standards, there can be differences depending on the gender. But it could very much apply to you if you are non-binary or trans. Just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, as spiritual people like to say.🫶🏻

If you don't agree with my observations, please don't send any hate. They're only my personal observations that i'm posting just for fun. Especialy the specific ones can only apply to certain people. So don't take anything you read too seriously. It's not a science, just pop-astrology!😎

I'm back again! Hope y'all had a great start into the year and some beautiful or at least peaceful holidays. I'm not going to explain to much about my absence (i feel like me not posting regularely or as it works is just a thing now) and just jump right into it.

So, here we go! Ready.... Set..... Okay i'm kidding. But yes, let's go!

Moon in the 3rd house: I always need to talk to a friend about my feelings when i feel overwhelmed, sad, angry, etc. If i try dealing with it just in my head, it feels like a hurricane up there. Sometimes i like writing things down too, but i prefer talking it through and getting a second, reflective opinion and reaction. This kind of fits this placement, so maybe this could help you, if you haven't figured this out about yourself yet.

Chiron in the Solar Return-Chart: I feel like Chiron here shows you a wound that developes over the year, that you might only start seeing at the very end or in the next year.

Leo Risings: You guys really are these confident, radiant, extroverted, even loud types of people. Very social and outgoing. You "shine" and are quite populare. As i am an Aquarius rising (so my rising falls into their 7th house) i tend to attract these kinds of people (as friends and also partners/ love interests, but love interests more so sun in leo as the sun is the heart) even though you wouldn't think so because i tend to be more shy and reserved. But it really doesn't mean that is how you truly feel inside. It is one of the most prominent parts of your personality and how people know you, but you can still hold a lot of insecurities inside yourself. Also: blond hair tends to be typical for these people, also the darker blond shades. But it isn't a must, i've just noticed this. Maybe also just hair that "shines" or somehow stands out.

North Node in the 12th house: Learning how to deal with addictions and any kind of mental health problems, that could've or did get you into any kind of facility (prison, etc.) is a big and important part of your life and souls journey. You need to learn how to take care of your physical health and get a healthy routine and sorted out everyday life, so you can deal with your mental health problems, and not use drugs etc. as a way to deal with your every day life/ to run away from your everyday life/ to make your addiction, mental health struggles, etc. your everyday life and make it mess up your health. You may naturally have always been so focused on work, routines and everyday life, etc., that you always have tended to forget about your mental health and anything to do with that.

Jupiter in the 9th house: Things like religion, philosophy, higher (college) education and traveling can be a source of great happiness and success in your life. In which way really depends on other placements and if you are religious or not, etc.

Moon in the 9th house: You might really need religion or certain philosophical theories placed in your life to feel emptionaly secure and stable. They don't need to necessarily be a typical kind of religion or a academicaly accepted philosophy, but just something that exists inside yourself that fits into these categories.

Empty houses: I think a house being empty just means that in this life there isn't really a focus on this area in your life, or it tends to sort itself out naturaly through other areas in your life that are more in focus. As you have your ruling planet of the house sitting in another house and do not have anything putting more of an emphasis on this house, i think the energy of the house plays itself out through other areas in your life or are influenced by other areas. It still exists in your life, but it isn't in focuse just for itself (i know this isn't necessarily how this is interpreted in general, this is just how i see it).

Scorpio MC: I feel like, as Scorpio and Pluto have a lot to do with ego deaths, a lot of people tend to see me in a bad light and as problematic because i kind of go against their ego, because i trigger something in them they don't want to face and they are hiding with their ego. Also, I'm not necessairly the secretive type of person, but if i stay more secretive, people tend to be more interested and intrigued by me. I also get peoples attention if i present in a "shocking" way (as would many), but i like it honestly (my aquarius rising just loved being weird), and i feel like often people just silently watch me and even admire (or at least noone has ever complained or said anything negative).

I hope you enjoyed this one again. Please leave certain aspects you want me to get into in another post in the comments or just any kind of post you would like to see from me.

I wish you a wonderful year! Byee🫶🏻

[cozycottagetarot]

Trials and Tribulations with your Future Spouse

Pile 1 -> 3

This reading is all about hardships you may face at some point along the journey of being with your future spouse. It's also a repost of the original as I accidentally deleted it. 👀 It's lightly edited, but it's been a while so I can't offer clarifications on much.

PILE 1

Hello pile 1! In the beginning of you knowing each other, or prior to knowing each other, your future spouse may have struggled or at the time may be struggling financially. Through the cards, I see them having financial struggles/money or money loss until you come along. I feel like you guys may meet when you (the person reading this) are young (college/university age maybe). I see you *kind of* put up with their B.S until you realise they’re not making an effort to fix themselves financially. What I mean is sometimes when you’re (objective) with someone casually (romantic or platonic) you may not care as much about what someone does until their presence in your life starts to become more serious. Then it’s a matter of ‘how will their actions affect me/them/us?’. 

After that I see you guys flipping the switch. You go from being their ideal person to this cold, independent (not to say you weren’t before, they’re just realising how independent you are) person. You’d threaten to walk away if they don’t clean up their financial situation, and I feel like in the end you do. But that can’t be the end of the story, right? After pulling a second set of cards the story shifts. Your future spouse, now having realise they’ve lost you, work on getting their finances in order and succeed. Once they do this, it’s a matter to them of being able to ‘win you back��. In my mind I get an image of someone showing up at the other's environment (work, home, hangout) looking dapper/classy with flowers or some other gift, along with the verbal offering to start over. I see you assessing them and realising they have made a complete 180 in the way they are presenting themself, but still, it’s up to you to decide if you reconcile or cut them off altogether. I feel like you do agree to a fresh start in the end because there’s The Fool. Through the images on the cards, I imagine you guys are able to move past this trial and have a passionate and romantic relationship together. They become someone dependable, loyal and hardworking and you return to your softer, more gentle energy with them.

PILE 2 

This whole reading I felt absolutely nothing lol. What I mean by that is, that I felt so in control of my general being the whole entire time, it was so unusual. Pretty please, what’s your secret to being so chill? 😆. Jokes aside, I think between you and your future spouse, you’ll be the more calm and controlled one. The ‘Present One’, while they might more often find themself in la la land. In the cards, from their meanings and images, I see your potential trial & tribulation between you and your future spouse being a lack of recognition in how much you do for them. I don’t mean in a materialistic or caretaking kind of way but in the sense of reminding them there’s a doorway that leads out of that headspace. You both show up for each other in the relationship, helping care for the other when they need some extra help. Your future spouse knows this and is grateful for it. 

What they tend to not be aware of however, is how often you kind of put a halt to them getting stuck in their head. For the situation that is showing up, there are a lot of pentacles so I’m going with a career related explanation. Your future spouse may get so invested in or overwhelmed by their work that they may find themselves focused on it 24/7 constantly mulling over ideas and solutions. You would notice and respond with a *insert caring sigh* 'Here we go again'. 

The solution? There’s this level-headed energy, so I think you would bring it up with something as simple as a playful nudge over dinner, letting them know what’s going on and how you feel. They would realise that they’ve been so focused on their work and so in their head, they didn’t even see how you were working to keep the sun shining for them. Your future spouse would come to understand that it hasn’t been an equal give-and-take lately, and would want to correct it quickly. Obviously, it’s not something that can happen overnight, but I do see them learning to better control their mental focus, along with where they are investing their time and gaining balance. The end outcome is a restoration of harmony between you both, and you’re future spouse learning to be more present. 

PILE 3 

Pile 3, I’m going to be honest with you ✋I don’t see any seriousness to this relationship when this ‘trial’ is going on. It more seems like the trial is getting to one another… as in you two haven’t even met??? I pick up on a third-party situation in the sense of hardships presenting in your individual lives (one or both of you) and creating a blockage or stagnation. The cards come across so heavy, particularly the court cards since they are reversed. It makes me think that you (again could be you, your FS or both) are not in the ‘energy’ you’re meant to be in. But a happy ending awaits once you move away from those hardships. I asked about the hardship and The Hermit and Four of Cups came out, so I think it’s just a matter of some part of your life isn’t giving the results you want, or is causing you pain, so you’re rejecting it. 

You know it’s not what you want, but you’re still kind of confused. I think the solution that leads to the ‘happy beginning’ is acceptance and peace of mind. Knowing there’s only so much you can control, only so much you can do and realising that you are doing it already, or taking the action to do the things that you can do. From there stems this inner peace, happiness, contentment, and a sense of freedom. The end outcome is a new beginning which I then believe will lead to you meeting your future spouse.

So to summarize (since I’m not sure how well I explained that), your trial & tribulation to getting with your future spouse is a matter of making adjustments to your life so it aligns with something that brings you peace inside. 

I just see heaviness and reversed court cards making me think of not being in the energy you were meant to be in. But there is a happy ending waiting for you both once you move away from those hardships. 

Disclaimer: All readings are based on current energies. I read tarot for self-reflection and guidance purposes, but as always, this reading is for fun and entertainment purposes only. Any reading I post is in no way meant to act as or replace professional advice of any kind. You know yourself and what’s going on in your life best so I ask that you trust yourself above all else. I cannot predict the future, and prediction readings are to be seen simply as a potential outcome. Finally, please take only what resonates from the reading which may be some of it, all of it, or none at all. 

[latay7]

hi do you have any headcanons for abel and abyss?

Why hello helllooooo ><

Thay you so much for your request and i hope i fullflled your wish how you wanted

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

General headcannons for Abyss and Abel ☆

ੈ✩‧₊˚genre : i think fluff with a few mentions of their background stories

ੈ✩‧₊˚Note : idk why is it taking me so long to do the requests 🥲

(Btw Devider by the amazing : @saradika )

Abyss razor

For starters , we know how is our poor boy when comes to girls💀💔like , i love this man but....he is ...miserable.

So you can defently imagine the one sided tension between you too , but you were patient and gentle with him , it wasn't easier for him eaither.

At first , it took a while , but then he slowly warmed up to you because he saw how much of you were wiling to accept him for who he was. Which was something he questioned for a while.(my man will throw himself out the window if a female touched him )

I mean , not many people saw him as something other than a curse because of his eye , and being a part of the Magia Lupus , people feared him , stayed away from him.

But he was met with your kindness that no one has ever given him. He found himself thinking , Overthinking , why , why were you like this , to him ?? He was a monster , a curse...

But you saw beyond that , you saw the poor soul inside him that had to endure all that suffering , the little child that never got to feel love before , locked up in a dark room to cry himself to sleep , regretting being born , everyday.

If he was to describe it , it was how your hand slowly inches towards his so you don't jumpscare him , how you go easy with his overwhelmed self , your sickening sweet words thay he heard not with his ears , but his heart , the heart that was in you hands , and to sum it up. (i talk a lot...i know)

He loves words of affirmation and quality time , because it makes him feel the dedication and love you have for him , it makes him feel alive. And i think that he slowly leans towards physical touch since it was smth that we can say he NEVER had any of it in his life.

In return , he gives you acts of service and quality time as well (idk why but i think he's not that great with forming sentences , especially when girls) , he tries his best so you stay with him so he can live in your eternal love and warmth.

Abel and the Magia lupus know about you , athough he tries to keep you away from the latter , he sometimes tend to tell him about you when Abel notices his mood or behaviour being better than the previous days , and tbh , i feel like Abel would be a but delighted to see that change in Abyss (this is a wild take that i have no idea what basis is it taking.....headcanon w/o the head)

"Be careful of my heart won't you , see , you're taking it home with uou tonight , please , don't break it"

Abel Walker

You can fix him (wtf am i smoking)

Jokes aside , Abel , before his encounter with with Mash and you , had a very....specific....percpective of the world , but after you heard his story , you too were willing go change his looks towards the world and the people.

Approaching him was VERY difficult , let alone having a conversation with him , but you were consistant until Mash did what he did and Abel...opened up.

When you two got to talk , you tried to tell him more about what you think and see in this life but he seemed to dissmiss you , he didn't deny your ideas but he ignored you the first times.

He did that because you were kind and lovely , just like his mother , so he was intrigued , which led to unexpected outcome.

He starts showing up to you , out of te blue, for no reason 💀just to do whatever , you're studying at the library? He's there studying too, which is wierd because he as well denies the idea you're getting about him wanting go be friends.

But you're like "yeah sure buddy , whatever helps you sleep at night". He's curious , why do you think the way you think , he of course remembers his mother like that too , but he wanted to know more.

You show him , bit by bit , everything beautiful in life , and how forgivness is more powerful than revenge , and how helping others will benefit you more than focuisng on only yourself.

He didn't realise it and fell in love with you , and here , a new story began.

He's not that great with physical touch but he will always be there when you need him , freeing his schedule to be with you.

You're well acquainted with the Magia Lupus as well , (which he threatened : if anything happens to her on your watch , you're paying the price) so they to be as welcoming as ever with you.

He tells you about his mother and watchsd how you smile when he describes her and her kindness to you , and how you sympathise with him about her death.

You do everything you can to find the kind hearted soul in him , and despite him denying it , you're not gonna give up.

"It's you , despite everything , it's still you"

That was crazy , ahhhhhhhh it took me soo long im sorrryyy

And i hope i did well because this was quite the risk that i took

Anyway , i noticed that i curse a lot so im sorry if that bothers anyone-

And hope u like my next works! I'll try to be quick

[zeroeightzeroone]

hi! so idk if your request are open so if they aren’t feel free do delete this

so we know that in the love collection y/n and jisung feel really comfortable around each other and will go to each other for things but what if one day y/n didn’t tell jisung how she was feeling that day and cried in her room by herself? i just wanted to see how he’d react to that and his response

again u don’t have to respond to this!! ty ^__^

all ears - han jisung

love collection

genre: comfort, maybe a bit of angst?

pairings: fem!reader (infp) x idol!han jisung (istp)

warnings: readers' insecurities getting the best of her, self-deprecating language

notes: thank you for requesting!! i hope i did your request justice. (finally revealing y/n's roommate too)

wc ~2.9k | moodboard

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:

you feel dumb.

you feel stupid, absolutely stupid.

you hate the feeling with the utmost passion, but regardless of how much you detest it, it always seems to find a way back to haunt you months later, coming out from the depths of your mind into the forefront and creating a storm up there.

they're stupid thoughts.

thoughts that you shouldn't let get to you, but sometimes you can't help it. sometimes, they overpower you and silence your pleas to stop.

have you spoken to anyone about it? no.

your roommate, yunjin, has been on a work trip for the past couple of weeks, so you've had the apartment to yourself. no need to mask your emotions when you're home alone. on the other hand, jisung's schedule has been packed lately, and there is nothing new in his line of work. seungmin is on the same boat as your boyfriend; both share busy and separate schedules.

everyone has a busy life, and you don't want to burden them with things happening in your life.

when the b-word comes up in your passing thoughts, you can practically hear your boyfriend saying, "y/n, my love, don't invalidate yourself like that. you're not a burden, never. you're important to me; your thoughts and feelings are all important."

jisung always reminds you of how important you are to him. you know you could go to him for anything, and he'll be there to the best of his ability.

that's one of the many reasons why you love him so much.

the knowledge that he's there for you is one thing, but the one thing holding you back is yourself.

when you're in such a low and vulnerable state, you tend to shut yourself in, keep to yourself, and shield yourself away from others. you see yourself as an inconvenience or a burden.

the way you've rationalized it in your mind is that if you're tired of the shit happening in your own life, telling it to someone else would only tire them out as well. you didn't want them to grow tired on your behalf. it didn't seem worth it.

that feeling of self-doubt always pushes itself into the front lines from where it usually hides, creeping in the back.

you wanted to try and cope alone, get through this on your own, but you just couldn't. you tried to tell yourself it's no big deal and that they're just fleeting, meaningless thoughts that will go away and you'll be fine, but you know you're lying to yourself.

you know that ignoring your overwhelming emotions lately will only worsen them. it's been a week since those thoughts started again, and here you are, curled up in a ball underneath your comforter, pulling it up under your chin as the mental and emotional exhaustion hits its breaking point.

your cheeks are stained with tears, and your eyes are droopy and puffy. you were supposed to go to work today but called in sick. you didn't have it in you to face your work head-on today.

the moment you hung up the phone with your manager, you cried, sobbing into your comforter. you felt absolutely defeated calling in sick. you weren't even sick, you lied in order to stay home.

here you were, practically waving the white flag after the events of your life after your thoughts and feelings had beaten you down into a ball under your comforter. you hate yourself for calling in sick, feeling as if you should've just sucked it up and gone in, put on a mask to hide your emotions.

'so many people have it harder than you do, y/n. the fact you could even lie and call in sick is a privilege. look at all this privilege, and you're out here pouting, how selfish.'

you shut your eyes at the thought, nuzzling yourself further into the blanket as a tear squeezes itself free and down your skin.

'you can't even deal with your own feelings, your own thoughts, let alone some tiny ass inconveniences. pathetic.'

you feel stupid and weak. you feel like a crybaby.

your eyelids flutter closed as you sob into the thick comforter, letting out all the built-up frustrations in hopes that you'll feel better afterwards.

'j's one and only has notifications silenced. notify anyway?'

jisung's concern grows when he reads over the little notice at the bottom of your text conversation.

of course, he noticed you had been off the past couple of days, and when he asked what was up, you played it off as nothing, but it's jisung; he knows you like the back of his hand.

he didn't believe for one second that nothing was up. it was clear there was something, but he assumed you weren't in a place to talk to him about it yet, that you weren't ready yet. but now, you weren't even replying, let alone reading his messages.

jisung: good morning love, how did you sleep?

j's one and only: good morning i slept okay, how about you

jisung: i dreamt of you so i slept better than usual ;) i've got another busy day today, so i hope you have an amazing day my love

jisung: [photo attachment] i ate a bento box for lunch today

jisung: [audio file] exclusive sneak peek of a b-side [audio file] exclusive sneak peek of a skz-record

jisung: baby

jisung: y/n baby

he stares down at his phone, hoping to get a read receipt from you, but nothing. jisung finds himself swiping down the notification screen and swiping it away multiple times. on–probably–the fifth rotation, he pauses, an imaginary lightbulb flashing over his head.

jisung: i'm coming over

…

your sob session only further tired you out. you didn't have it in you to fight to stay awake, letting your heavy eyelids close as you cried to sleep around dinner time, curling up into a smaller ball as your tears soaked the comforter.

your eyes are puffy, your nose is runny and almost matches the flushed, red tint of your cheeks, your hair is dishevelled, and you have a prominent pout on your lips even in your sleep. the tears that fell from your eyes and stained your cheeks also bound your eyelashes together, as they glisten under the light of your bedside lamp.

a couple hours later, you're stirring awake, your head rolling left and right, and a tired groan leaves your lips. with a hum, you blink slowly as you come to full consciousness, and your brain is also slowly waking up from its resting state. after a brief stretch and a rush of endorphins flowing through your body, allowing you to relax, your limbs fall back into the mattress with a soft thump.

with a sigh, you roll your head to the side to look at the clock on the wall, registering that you've slept for a little over two hours and that there are a couple of hours left until midnight. you aren't starving, but you do feel like you need something to fill you up, so you roll out of bed and make your way into the kitchen to grab a light snack and a glass of water, snatching your phone off the bedside table before making your way out.

the moment your screen comes to life, you find a couple of missed messages from Jisung that you go to check first and send replies to.

j.one<3: [audio file] exclusive sneak peek of a b-side [audio file] exclusive sneak peek of a skz-record

j.one<3: baby

j.one<3: y/n baby

j.one<3: i'm coming over

you: :O i'm telling jyp also i just woke up from a nap so jibaby you should stay home and rest, i'm fine

"you're not fine."

you stop in your tracks while feeling like your heart has jumped out of your chest. a sharp gasp leaves you as your hand grips your shirt in utter shock.

walking out from the kitchen and standing across from you, the dark-haired boy's eyes are laced with worry and concern, and his lips pout the slightest bit as he looks at you.

"shit ji, you scared the shit out of me," you watch as he shuts his screen off, "what are you doing here?"

"it's friday," he pushes himself off the wall, "remember our little deal?"

you nod, mouth agape with realization. your little deal was that if jisung would come over on fridays when his weekend schedules were nonexistent or started later in the day, one of the reasons why he had a key to yours and yunjin's place.

jisung takes a few steps towards you, just enough to take your chin between his thumb and forefinger, moving your head around as his eyes graze your face. meanwhile, you look up at him with doe-eyed eyes, confused. he lets go of your chin and moves to take your hand, pulling you behind him as he walks into the living area.

"sit," he nods towards the couch. you follow his words and take a seat. stay there. i'll be right back. i made you some food."

you mutter a small agreement as your boyfriend walks out of view. a couple moments later, he walks out from behind the couch with a bowl in one hand and a cup in his other, placing both dishes down on the coffee table before he sits beside you.

"ji–"

"eat," he's quick to cut you off, but he's also quick to notice how sharp his tone is. not wanting to come off wrong, he quickly adds, " please."

you stare at him, to which he flashes you a quick smile. you're still quite perplexed, but you listen to him anyway; plus, whatever he's whipped up looks quite good, and you can't resist.

your boyfriend watches you eat for a few minutes before reaching for the glass of water on the table. the water is ready and on standby for when you need it. with a small smile, you exchange your food for the water he's holding, taking gulps while he places the bowl back on the table, followed by the water.

"tell me, what's wrong?" jisung has an elbow propped up on the couch, his hand coming down to pat the side of your head and play with a couple of strands of your hair. your hair is quite tangled after waking up from a nap.

"nothings wrong," you deny.

he purses his lips together before continuing, "you've been quiet over text all day," he tips his chin, nodding towards your face, "the red, puffy eyes and tear stains don't exactly back up your statement."

your appearance only further proved to the round-chinned boy that something was definitely going on. along with the ones he previously mentioned, your cheeks and nose were flushed with a tint of red, and your lashes were clumped together, a remnant of the tears you shed that tired you to sleep.

"i-it's stupid," you mutter, your eyes wandering away from jisung in shame.

jisung bites his tongue, taking a step back to observe you fully and your body language. he tries to put himself in your perspective before he says something. your boyfriend also doesn't want to come on too strong, as you're already going through something. he needs to use his 't' to his advantage while also keeping in mind your 'f, ' which is simultaneously logical but sensitive to your feelings.

"hey, look at me. whatever it is, it's not stupid," his hand travels down slowly, gently cupping your cheek. your bottom lip is tucked between your teeth as you meet his gaze. " if you want, you can tell me what's going on, and i'll listen. if you don't want to, then i'll still be here, however you need me to be here right now."

jisung's thumb caresses your cheek gently, paired with a smile as gentle as his touch. you lean into his palm, the word 'hug' leaving your lips with a breathless sigh, to which jisung adjusts both your positions immediately.

the hug becomes a cuddle as you both lie on the couch facing each other, your face buried in jisung's chest, and one arm is squished between you two and the other around his torso. on the other hand, Jisung has an arm under your neck, and the other is holding you close, the smell of your shampoo gracing his senses from how close you are.

your body relaxes but your heart still feels heavy, although it's an improvement compared to a couple hours ago.

jisung's fingers toy with the strands of your hair, occasionally brushing through and trying to gently undo the knots. his mind wandering.

of course, you and jisung aren't attached by the hip and texting all day, every day; there have been times when a couple of hours linger between replies. either you or he would send a message beforehand letting the other know that there would be a delay on your end.

jisung knows you like the back of his hand. he knows your habits and mannerisms. so when you weren't replying or reading his messages after the exchange in the morning, coupled with your demeanour over text and a couple of phone calls, he knew something was wrong.

he knows how you get when you're in the wrong place mentally and emotionally, how you tend to shut yourself in and away from people. saying you want to be alone when you really don't.

before he left the company building, he made sure to check in with chan and the group manager regarding the weekend schedule–wanting to spend as much time as possible with you. sure, this meant he moved some things around, and his sunday would be more packed than usual, but jisung wanted and needed to be there for you.

and you didn't need to know that detail.

when jisung unlocked the front door, he did it as quietly as possible. he looked around the living area and kitchen to see if there were any signs of you, but the kitchen was clean, minus a used glass cup on the counter. he then made his way down the hall and to your bedroom, cracking open the door slowly, trying to avoid it creaking just in case you had been asleep, and you had.

jisung slowly approached the side of the bed, knelt, and observed your sleeping state.

your room was dim, and the only light source was the lamp on your bedside table, thus a yellow hue illuminating your features. jisung felt his heart ache at the sight of you. the air of tranquillity from your sleeping state contrasted with the clear signs of distress that lulled you to sleep. your cheeks were still quite damp with tears, and there were a couple of wet spots on your comforter and pillow.

the sight of you asleep with tear-stained cheeks had jisung wondering what had been going on inside your head the past couple of days, wanting to know the gravity of the storm inside your mind that eventually blew over and resulted in you, isolating yourself, alone and crying yourself to sleep. jisung wanted to get a glimpse into that mind of yours, fight off the thoughts and feelings that brought you to such a low point.

at the same time, the longer he looked at you, jisung wondered if he had done something. he wondered if he had done something lately that caused you to shy away from coming to him, that caused you to resort to crying alone in your room as the easier option. but jisung needed to fight those thoughts to the back of his mind, snapping himself to the realization that this isn't about him but about you and how you feel.

jisung didn't want to wake you up too soon, so he got back up, closed the door behind him softly, and made his way to your kitchen again. he opened and closed the cupboards, fridge, and freezer to identify ingredients he could whip up for you, just in time for you to eat once you awoke.

building up the confidence to speak, your fingers toy with the fabric on the back of jisung's hoodie. you take deep breathes and open your mouth.

"it's the feeling of self-doubt again…" you say softly, almost as if you're in a public place and spilling a secret—quiet but just loud enough for jisung to hear. he hums in acknowledgment, "i just... i don't know."

"how do you need me right now?"

you take a second to think, contemplating what would help you the most now.

"here with me, like this," you move your head up to look at him, "i just need someone to listen."

jisung nods, adjusting his position, but his hold on you never falters; he keeps you close. when he's adjusted, he nods again, this time with a smile and a look of determination.

when jisung felt your body relax in his arms earlier, he wished he could have been there sooner. he wished that you could have sobbed in his arms instead, and he would've held you tight instead of you crying into your pillow and comforter, alone in the dark. what matters to him now is that he's here, and he'll be here however you need him.

"i'm all ears for you, baby."

[swordcreature]

How do you think our tiefling boys would react to our world if they somehow ended up here?

i always find these so cute, but in my head i'm thinking "they would be terrified and ready to stab someone because they are in a strange world where they can't understand anyone" lol

so to make things easier and cuter let's pretend that

1. there are no language barriers

2. no one is trying to kill them/no one's freaking out because they look like devils

3. they're somewhat aware enough of what's happening to not be scared shitless or severely confused

4. they know they're going back home at some point (i would be acting SO different if i thought i was gonna live in a different world forever vs just visiting lmao)

ty for the request you're the best!

Dammon, Rolan, & Zevlor - A Part of Our World

How the tiefling boys react to coming to our world

Dammon: 

He’s amazed by the advancements we’ve made, slack-jawed at how we’ve managed to bend metal to form buildings that climb so high he can’t see the top, at how we’ve made metal fly without so much as a single spell, at how we’re able to make metal into machines so big they can move the earth itself.  

It’s overwhelming at first and he has so many questions. How does this work? What type of metal is that? What does this do? It never stops.  

But every answer is met with true awe. Dammon loves smithing, loves infernal machinery, and he’s been suddenly transported to a world built around his craft, of course he is inspired.  

He’s the most open-minded of the tieflings when it comes to a new experience. And just like the Hells, even though this place is foreign, unfamiliar, frightening, he’s eager to learn something from it.  

Dammon takes notes on everything he possibly can, sketching out little pictures of the world around him to bring back home.  

I could see him being a bit of a terror just because he breaks everything around him trying to figure out how it works, what makes it tick, so to speak. I mean, how could he truly understand the inner workings of, say, a car without taking it apart piece by piece until he has it down to its bare bones.  

Overall, I think he comes back home with so many good stories to tell of all the fantastical things he’s seen, all of the new ideas he has, and a renewed purpose in his work. 

Rolan: 

Rolan absolutely hates our world. It’s just not made for a guy like him. 

I mean, first off: no magic. His life revolves around magic, it’s an integral part of him. Without it he feels empty and strange, so this world feels very wrong to him. Imagine being connected to the Weave for years and then suddenly having it stripped away. Completely gone. I would think it would feel disorienting at best.  

He finds some interest in speaking to people of this world who practice magic, but it is so entirely different than his own that they're practically talking about two different things. He expected a more tangible magic like the Weave and is disappointed when he learns it’s so vastly incomparable.  

Second: the people. There are so many people here. Pretty much anywhere he goes, the population would be bigger and denser than anything he’s used to. And it’s not like he’s a people person. Not to mention the way humans tend to treat outsiders.  

Despite his absolute discomfort in our world, Rolan is determined to write down everything he can of his experience. Not many mortals from his world get to experience traveling the universes, so cataloging his journey is a must.  

He’ll write a book once he’s home, and it’ll make a big splash in the academic community, he just knows it! 

When he does leave our world for his own, he’s relieved. In his book he makes it sound like this magical wonderland of things beyond most people’s comprehension, but to those close to him he tells them the truth. He was not a fan.  

Zevlor:  

Zevlor is apprehensive at first. This world is strange – he does not know the customs at all. But he's eager to learn.  

He spends his time amongst the people more so than the other two. He is so curious about the traditions of the land, the history of the world, and hearing it from the mouths of the locals is better than getting his hands on any book.  

He immerses himself in the cultures he comes across as much as possible; he eats our food and sings our songs and actually has a really good time with it. 

I think he finds special interest in the history of combat, how our conflicts have changed throughout time. How did we go from swinging swords and shooting arrows to battling wars from across the world?  

Zevlor also tries to teach people of our world about where he comes from. He tells stories from his days as a Hellrider to anyone who will listen and even tries to cook some traditional Elturian food, but it’s hard to do so without the same ingredients.  

Overall, he’s more interested in the shared knowledge of culture and information between our world and his. It brings him comfort finding similarities between such different worlds.  

When he finally can go back home, he shares his stories with the children first, spinning them tales of the people he met and the things he did. How even in such a foreign place there were still nice people willing to help and to share and to be a friend.  

Zevlor is the one who wishes to come back the most.  

[rosie-zia]

Luca Kaneshiro x Reader

A/n: After being on hiatus for eight months, I decided to go back and write stories again. This fanfic is an inspiration from Luca Kaneshiro's cover of "Honeymoon Un, Deux, Trois." This is a very long one so I hope you enjoy! :^) Word count: 2.3k+

Luca Kaneshiro was famously known as the evil mafia boss around the city and in the streets. Most people fear Luca because of the stories they have heard about his crime syndicate, but only a few knew he was like every other married man with a wife behind the closed doors of his manor. His beloved spouse was none other than you, Y/n Kaneshiro.

Luca didn’t see himself getting married so soon; however, it all changed when his father laid eyes upon you. You were known as the daughter of an elite mafia boss hailing from another country. Naturally, Luca’s father thought it was a good opportunity to create a strong alliance between two powerful organizations. Thus, a pact was formed and an arranged marriage took place. Despite you and Luca being against this whole ordeal, you two had no other choice but to go through it, and the rest was history.  In the beginning of your marriage, it was awkward as you two tried to adjust in spite of the pressure since you and Luca perceived marriage only as business and not as love. If needed, both of you would do your best to present yourselves as husband and wife in front of other mafias at every gathering and every meeting. When you and Luca fully adapted in the ways of matrimonial life, you two ended up catching feelings but were just too scared to tell the other. 

Luca saw you as nothing but a simple woman who has been involved with the dark side of the law, but his eyes were slowly opened and realized there was more to you. He highly thinks of you as a sweet lovely lady with kindness and beauty unlike any other. Your simplicity and grace immediately caught his attention that made him fall for you so hard that he feels he lost his breath every time he sees your bright smile. The blonde man doesn’t know how to express his love, so he only does it in which way he knows best: giving you materialistic things.  Ever since you married Luca, he often showered you with luxurious gifts that filled your entire room. From small trinkets, expensive clothing, and everything in between. As the recipient of his gifts, you were slightly overwhelmed how your husband provides you such an extravagant lifestyle. It felt like a one-sided marriage for you, so you did your best to be an obedient wife that takes care of the house and his needs while also involving yourself in the mafia business. Even though your marriage with Luca was mostly a smooth sailing, there had been some disputes that happened between you two. Lately, you have gotten yourselves in a heated argument with Luca, and it has been bugging you ever since.

_______________________________________

*Flashback*  “Luca, please let me know if you are in a bad condition from your missions. Don't try and hide it from me.” You and Luca are in the bathroom as you tried to tend his wounds carefully with bandages and ointments. He just returned home from another mission and unfortunately got hurt. The blonde man tried to ignore the pain and hide it from you but failed to do so as you caught him red-handed from the moment he stepped into the house.  “You don’t have to worry about me, Y/n. I’ll be fine.”  “But you are hurt right now, Luca. I worry about you sometimes… you should not let yourself get hurt like this.”  Every night, you mostly worry about him whenever he takes dangerous missions in the Kaneshiro mafia to the point you would always pray he will come back safe and sound. Although you sounded genuinely concerned about him, something about it irritated Luca into thinking you didn’t trust him enough to do his work “I said I’ll be fine, Y/n. Geez, you’re making me sound like I’m just a kid. You have no idea on what it is like to be in my position. Just mind your business will you?”  This led you two to argue for thirty minutes straight until he had enough and walked out. He may have looked irritated but deep inside, he felt like he hurt you. He ended up realizing that you were just looking out for him, but it was too late to take everything back. In that moment, he knew he had to make things right before it was too late.

________________________________________

After thinking about the events that happened that night, you were immediately snapped back to reality as one of Luca's men laid a ball gown with other fancy accessories that complimented the dress. "Greetings, Mrs. Kaneshiro. I was given an order from the boss to deliver his present to you. He wants to be present for the ball this evening. It will start in a few hours, and Mr. Kaneshiro will be escorting you to the party."

His bodyguard bowed down in respect and walked out the room to leave you alone to prepare for the ballroom party that will be hosted by Luca himself. You have no idea what is the special occasion celebrated in this event, but you assumed it was just a simple gathering to get more influential connections in the mafia.

You don't feel like going to that party, but Luca's small lion cub, Augustus, helps you raise up your spirits as he lets out small growls.

"You're so lucky that you don't have to attend a party with so many people. I wish I could just stay with you in bed."

You gently pet Augustus in which he gives out one of his toothy smiles. You knew very well that not showing up at the party is clearly not an option. Not wasting anymore time, you started your makeup routine to look good for the party. You're just hoping for the best that you will survive at the end of the day.

_______________________________________

You and Luca arrived at the ballroom before the event started as you two waited for the guests to arrive and made sure everything was in order. As always, you two will put up a face as a married couple in front of all the mafias who will be attending this gathering. One by one, you both greeted all of the guests with a smile on your faces while linking arms with each other. It may look like you and Luca are the perfect married couple and yet you both still did not resolve the argument that happened yesterday. You sighed to yourself and let Luca properly welcome the guests in his honor. When all of the guests had arrived, Luca clinked his glass to get everyone's attention. "Good evening, dear friends and loved ones, and thank you for attending tonight's ball here in my manor. I just want to celebrate a very special occasion that is very important to me. I do hope you all enjoy this night. May the party commence!"

As Luca finished his speech, all of the mafias and other guests talked away and enjoyed the party in their own ways. The gathering felt lively under the bright lights of the chandeliers in the ballroom. With the lively aura in the party, you're still confused on the special event Luca failed to specifically mention. You stayed beside Luca as he conversed with other mafia bosses until you felt like you're out of place. You excused yourself from Luca, and went somewhere else to get a breather and away from the crowd. The party was still going, and Luca can't help but steal glances once in a while to see how you are doing. He sees you by the balcony being alone by yourself with a glass of champagne in your hand. Luca knew how you can't deal with handling big crowds like this, but something about you was different from the way you look. He may be oblivious to most things but his thoughts went back to yesterday's fight, and he takes the blame for not considering your feelings.

________________________________________

After hours of dancing and drinking among the guests, the guests waved goodbye to you two and went to their respective homes. Finally, all of the guests have left, and you went back inside to close the lights in the ballroom and call it a night. The grand mechanized clock chimes to let you know it was quarter to midnight, giving you the signal to close the ballroom doors. Before you even got the chance to do so, you heard the orchestra on your left begin to play their instruments, producing an enchanting-like melody. You were about to stop them but you caught something from the corner of your eyes. Lo and behold, it was your husband by the grand staircase in all of his glory.

The heels of his shoes clicked as he made his way towards you. Something about him right now feels different than he usually carries himself. His lavender eyes seem more gentle, his outfit exactly matches the gold accents of your dress, and his overall appearance was much more dazzling compared to what he looked like during the party earlier.

Luca bowed slightly and brought the back of your hand against his lips to give it a small kiss which made you a bit flustered by the gesture. He uttered a few words that made you caught in a trance from how his voice dripped like honey.

"My dearest and beloved wife, shall we dance?"

---------------------------------------- Now playing: Honeymoon Un, Deux, Trois - Luca Kaneshiro Cover ----------------------------------------

Before you can properly process his words, Luca gently grabs you by the waist and sways you along with the music, taking the lead between you two. You let his fingers entwine with yours, and his hand fitted perfectly, letting your bodies become one. Under the dim lights in the ballroom, his features radiated perfectly, capturing the essence of the mafia boss before you. He also starts to sing along with the instrumental playing in the background in a foreign language you've never heard him speak before.

You may not understand most of the words he's singing, but you felt addicted to his voice like he was casting you under a deep spell you cannot ever break free from. It felt like a fairytale as he pulls you in twists and turns, also letting you have your way in the waltz of love. Every step you both took, you both were in sync with the song he's singing.

Never in your dreams he would act genuinely romantic towards you. This was the side of Luca you thought you would never witness, and here you are dancing with your husband in this empty ballroom. The moonlight illuminates the golden hues of the marble tiles beneath you two which makes it the perfect night for lovers exactly like you and Luca.

As he finishes up his song, he romantically dips you, and then pulls you back up. You wished it lasted longer, but you redirected your attention to Luca once more when you felt his fingers caress your hair to the side of your face.

"Y/n, I just want to apologize for last night. I'm sorry for being a jerk and not considering your feelings. I should have let you know that I took dangerous missions like these in the mafia. Could you forgive me?"

He says as he looks at you directly with tears in his eyes that are threatening to spill in a moment. With a sigh, you managed to forgive him.

"Alright, I forgive you, Luca. If you're hurt, please let me tend to your wounds after your mission, is that clear?

"Yes, I promise, Y/n..."

You both laugh while basking in each other's presence. It didn't take long before your laughter became silence... and silence became awkwardness. You knew you had to do something, so after debating with yourself, you decided to break the silence between you two.

"T-thank you for the lovely dance this evening. I still don't get why you hosted a party without any special occasion."

Up until now, you still don't know what the celebration was all about, to which Luca only replied with a smile on his face.

"It's our first wedding anniversary, Y/n. I thought I could celebrate it with you."

Hearing Luca's response made you so embarrassed and flushed that you forgot it has been one year ever since you married Luca. Now it was your turn to apologize to him.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Luca. I didn't know it was today. I have completely forgot about it, I-"

Your husband just chuckled and placed a finger on your lips, shushing you and stopping you from rambling such nonsense.

"It's alright. I know you don't see our marriage in a romantic sense but I wanted to tell you that I love you. I'm glad that I have you as my lovely wife."

He then proceeds to cup your face with his hand and pulls you by the waist with his other arm as he plants a chaste kiss on your lips. When you two pulled away, you ended up confessing how much you love him as well.

"I love you too, Luca. I'm also glad that I married you. You will always have my heart."

At that moment, you felt your hearts have become one. From this day forward, the marriage you have with Luca has gotten stronger from just business to pure and unadulterated love. Feeling so many positive emotions all at once, you just held him close to you just savoring this moment.

"Shall we dance the night away one more time, my lady?"

"Yes, Luca, we shall."

The grand clock chimed once more, telling you both it has struck midnight, but you just stayed there with the prince of your dreams without a care in the world and living the fairytale you truly deserve.

________________________________________

A/n: Thank you so much for reading this fanfic, and yes, I do Luxiem fanfics and possibly other Nijisanji members. I'm trying to explore and write more characters. If you liked this one, I might probably write more in the future, but it might take a while since I'm busy with school and other things. If you wish to chat me and give me some ideas for future fanfics like this, I would gladly accept them. See you in the next fanfic! ^^ - Rosie Zia

[ctitan98official]

What each RE8 lady smells like

Okay, yes there have been jokes going around about Alcina smelling like lavender and the girls reeking of blood and death, but… These are my head canons for how I think they smell. Let’s get into it!

Alcina:

Definitely wears very nice perfume in my opinion. Not too much, just a very light spritz of it.

I also think she might smell like roses. She does wear three of them on her dress, so… Why not? Plus, it does seem pretty romantic.

She obviously does smell a bit like cigarette smoke, but I don’t think it would be too overwhelming. Just a hint of it.

She might also have the faintest scent of alcohol on her because of how much wine she drinks. She does run a winery too so that might have something to do with it.

Donna:

I think Donna smells like flowers.

She loves to garden and tend to plants so it makes sense that she would smell of them.

I also think she smells like fresh herbs and delicious Italian food when she cooks.

She loves to read, so I think she also smells of books and paper. She probably likes to sit in a cozy nook nestled in between a pile of old books and the smell just kind of surrounds her. It’s pleasant and not overpowering.

She might also smell like cedar and other woods when she’s working on dolls.

Miranda:

I don’t think Miranda wears perfume. She finds it distracting.

I think that you can often smell the faint burn of antiseptic on her after she has finished her work in the lab.

She also loves to drink tea, so I think she might have a slight herbal smell like old grey or white tea.

Her home also smells of different kinds of tea and it kind of just clings to her.

Maybe she smells like traditional Romanian dishes when she cooks.

She is very obsessed with hygiene and cleaning, so I think that she would also smell of light soaps.

Bela:

Like her mother, I think Bela wears nice perfumes.

For some reason, she strikes me as smelling of vanilla and warm spices like cinnamon.

Basically, anything in chai tea: Cloves, cardamom, cinnamon, star anise… You get the picture.

She smells like fall. Just very comforting scents. However, I don’t think she smells like apples or pumpkin. I just don’t get that vibe.

I think that she also might smell of old parchment and books considering how much time she spends in the library.

Cassandra:

Cass loves to be outside and go exploring. I think she would smell very earthy.

She smells like the forest, so maybe she has a pine tree scent going on?

I also think that she smells like freshly fallen rain. It’s an invigorating scent and it’s kind of refreshing.

I think she would like crisp and clean smells, so I think that she likes the smell of peppermint.

Obviously, with how much time she spends in the dungeon, that musky aroma starts clinging to her after being down there for a while. But I think she likes to freshen up once she’s done so she can kind of keep that part of her life distanced.

Daniela:

I think that Dani has a very sweet scent, like sugar cookies or birthday cake. It matches her personality.

I think she also wears perfume, but she likes to steal Bela’s and wear it instead of the ones that Alcina gave her.

She is so bright and happy. I think she might also smell like citrus or other summery scents.

Maybe a hint of cocoa butter. I think she likes to moisturize and keep her skin healthy.

Dani likes to soak and take nice long baths. As far as how she smells right after freshening up, it depends on what soaps she has available, but she’s not picky.

Masterlist

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

NOW LET'S TURN THE TABLES AROUND! How about MC comforting M6 from panic attack/flashback??

The Arcana HCs: How the M6 get panic attacks and how MC comforts them

~ when I posted the other one I had several asks for the reverse. sorry the writer's block made this take so long, enjoy your pain my dudes - brainrot ~

Part 1:

CW for panic attacks, flashbacks, references to familial abuse and addiction recovery

Julian

His panic attacks mostly come from his time in the dungeons below the palace

One of the really beautiful things about him is his commitment to doing good and helping others whenever he can

So once you've started your new life together and settled in, you can bet he'll still be doctoring people wherever you end up

The problem is that he hates seeing people in pain

Which is generally what people are experiencing when they go to a doctor

Most of the time it's fine. He's been doing this for years, he knows how to stay detached from what he has to do while remaining calm and empathetic with his patient

But sometimes, someone comes in with symptoms similar to the Plague

Or worse, they come in with injuries similar to what he saw Valdemar inflict in their research

You'll know as soon as they show up that they will receive the best care he can give them. As long as they are in his clinic, he'll be in peak form looking after them

And once they've been treated and recovered and he's come home, he'll disappear while your back is turned and you'll find him curled up in a ball under the stairs, gloves off and clenched in his fist, trembling like a leaf in the wind

He doesn't cry very much, but you can see his face get even paler and his breath will be shallow

The first thing you want to do is help him get his breathing under control, because if he starts to feel a lack of oxygen for too long it'll trigger a flashback to the time he was hanged, and that makes it much, much worse

It's one thing to be desensitized to other people dying, it's quite another to remember the explicit details of choking to death for a crime you didn't commit, knowing that your friends, loved one, and little sister are all watching with no guarantee of coming back

You'll put his hand on your chest so he can feel you breathe and talk him through as many breathing exercises as you need to

He chatters when he's nervous because he tends to have a racket of thoughts in his head, so if you can get him talking it'll help

When he talks about what's bothering him it means he's not the only person thinking about it anymore, which helps him stop feeling overwhelmed

Once it's over he'll be unusually quiet. He just needs someone to take the weight of the world off of his shoulders, and the best way to do that is to wipe his face with a cool towel, draw him a bath, feed him dinner, and hold him close when it's time to sleep

You don't have to wait until later for him to thank you, he'll be whispering it constantly every time you touch him or make eye contact

He is going to be so sweet to you your teeth will rot

Asra

They're not the clingy type - at all - but their biggest fear is losing the people they love

It was bad enough in the past to make him put other people's well being on the line when he lost you

On one hand, their ordeal with you and freeing their parents forced them to confront their flaws and they have much healthier coping skills in place now

On the other hand, he has more to lose than he ever has before

Which is when they started having panic attacks

All it took was you being out on a quick early errand when they woke up one morning and couldn't find or sense you anywhere

First there was the thought that you were gone. Then his mind started sprinting ahead of him, how gone were you? Were you coming back?

They could ask their parents - unless they were gone too? Nadia would know where they went - what if she left as well? Muriel wouldn't leave, there's always a place for Asra in the hut - unless he got sick of Vesuvia and disappeared too

He can feel his heart rate picking up, blood rushing in his ears, at some point he grabbed a bag to pack and go find you, but this is the pouch where Faust likes to nap and - where's Faust?

They can't see Faust, and they can't think right now, they can't clear their mind to call anyone, their magic isn't responding when they try to summon it, where is Faust? And where are you?

You can tell something's wrong as soon as you get back. Contrary to Asra's perception, his magic is shaking as much as he is, and so is every jar on your shelves

The first thing you do when you see them is gently take their hands from their bag and put them around you

He freezes when he's overwhelmed like this and it's hard for him to sense things, so the best way to pull him out of it is to help him feel that you are still there with him

You'll pull them somewhere comfortable and soothing and wrap your arms around them, put their head where they can hear your heartbeat, run your fingers through their hair and along their back

You'll also be sure to put Faust where she can curl around his arm and squeeze as tightly as she needs to

Once it hits them that you're there, they'll be sobbing with relief

He'll be clutching the back of your shirt, tracing your face with his fingertips, tangling your legs with his so there's no way you can leave without him knowing

Once it's over they'll just want to go back to sleep. They'll wait until you're free to join them though, they are not doing that alone

When he wakes up he'll have a list of people to visit and an invitation for you to join him. He's learned the importance of connection and he wants you at the center of all of his

Nadia

She gets panic attacks about being stuck in her dreams again

It doesn't happen often, much of her recent growth has been overcoming her self-doubt and learning to trust and appreciate her intuition again

But maybe she spent several late nights in a row fretting over a fix Vesuvia problem

Maybe there were a few nobles refusing to give her access to certain supplies or stores

Maybe it's making her begin to question herself again

And maybe she finally gets so exhausted that she sleeps in far later than she planned to the next morning

And maybe the whole time she's asleep it's just a series of stress dreams of not being taken seriously and being unable to move forward with what she needs to do

It begins slowly for her. First her eyes are opening and she's registering how late it is. Then she sees you're not next to her, your day has already started. Without anyone there to ask she has no idea how long she's been asleep -

But how long has she been asleep? The normal hustle and bustle of the Palace is muted since it's mostly in the main halls now, her wing is silent, she doesn't know where Chandra is, this is a nightmare

But she's been having nightmares all night, and apparently all morning, and don't tell her

Oh god, don't tell her this is another nightmare too

You know to check up on her because Chandra came flapping into your face with the kind of urgency you've learned not to ignore

When you walk in she's somehow pacing and hyperventilating at the same time, in uncharacteristic disarray

Her hair is starting to tangle, she's clutching her robe to herself, and her eyes are darting from wall to wall without registering anything

The first thing to do is get into her field of vision where she can focus on you. Once she does that, the fastest way to help her calm down is to answer all her questions

Once she has something to anchor herself with she's very quick to recover

She's a little embarrassed about how easily she was affected, but she appreciates your discretion and becomes more open with you as a result

No matter how late she stays up, she insists you never leave without waking her to let her know

Muriel

Oof, he's been getting these for years

The only big difference is that now you're around to see it happen, where he used to just ride it out on his own

It happens way less often than it used to. Overthrowing Lucio with you made him confront the source of most of his trauma and it's been helping him heal

But hey, it still happens. The first time after you two get together, he forgets you're even there

He's in the woods with you, clearing a path with his staff, when a stray branch snags on his hair and pulls out his bun

His hair is falling in his face, he's still going through the motions of hacking at the underbrush, but he can't see anything and some of the sticks are whipping around and scratching his arms and face

The last straw is when he steps forward onto a sandy patch of ground and then he's back in the Coliseum, gripping his weapon and looking at the person he's about to kill through his curtain of hair, hearing the jeers and boos of Lucio's followers

As soon as he can move he's heading for the hut as fast as possible

His normal routine was just to get somewhere safe and isolated, where he could wait for it to pass without worrying about being noticed

You saw him freeze when his hair got snagged, but by the time you noticed all the signs of panic he was taking off, leaving you behind and very confused

He didn't seem to hear you when you called his name, but Inanna knew what was going on and she was able to lead you to where he was

When you find him he is tucked into a nook in the back of the hut, shaking and hyperventilating and somehow staying completely silent

You need to ground him in the present, so you get the area smelling of myrrh while Inanna climbs into his lap to put pressure on him

Eventually he's able to listen to you talk him through some breathing exercises and the shaking stops

It'll take a while, but he'll open up to you about what it was like. He's never been able to tell anyone else because they would blame themselves, but you've proven that you're strong enough to handle the details

He'll slowly start to stand straighter afterwards, like there's less to hide from, and each time it happens again he comes out of it a little faster

Portia

She'll never admit it to anyone else, but she gets panic attacks about her Aunt Tasya

Can you blame her? One of her two remaining relatives turns into a strange version of the Devil and threatens to sacrifice the world, including herself and those she loves, and then snaps out of it after she talks her down?

She loves the life she has now, she loves you, and she's so free to forgive, but the trauma doesn't disappear and she doesn't know what to do with it

The two of you are meeting with Nadia one afternoon between ambassador trips and she informs you that Tasya will be arriving in Vesuvia for a visit in a few days

You and Nadia both notice the way all the blood drains from Portia's face. She hasn't moved at all but her eyes are staring at something miles away

Nadia dismisses you and you're able to pull her into a more secluded part of the gardens before she completely melts down

Her hands are shaking, there are tears streaming down her cheeks, she's trying to speak to you but she can't catch her breath, she can tell you're worried and she hates worrying you

But more than anything, she's racked with guilt. She loves her aunt, she's forgiven her aunt, she knows that she is stronger than her aunt, she should be looking forward to seeing her again

And yet all she wants to do is grab you and hide. Just the thought of meeting her on the docks makes her nauseated with anxiety and she doesn't know what to do because this isn't how she's supposed to feel about family

You'll have to hold her face in your hands and force her to look at you. The grounding techniques work at first, but until she tells you what's hurting her she can only get so far

At first she can't even make eye contact because she feels so ashamed, but you're able to tell her that whatever she's feeling, it's okay, you won't judge

Once she tells you you'll have to spend the next ten minutes telling her she's not a bad person for what she feels

You're able to talk about it more in depth later, and when the time comes you make sure to be with her anytime you meet with Tasya

Being validated like that helps her to reestablish what family means to her, and she's grateful that you're part of hers

Lucio

His panic attacks are mostly around the Devil and his fear of getting trapped again

Acknowledging his past mistakes was critical for his personal growth, but it also meant facing the fear of being responsible for bad things happening

His panic is more likely to be triggered by old mental habits than anything else

He'll be with you on a job, annoyed by some detail or another, and entirely out of habit he'll think "this would be easier if I could make a deal with someone about it."

And suddenly the rest of his mind is screaming at him. Why would he think that? Is he actually going to go down that path again? He just thought that so easily, what if he actually made that mistake again?

Visions are flashing through his mind of relapsing, slowly bargaining away everything he takes for granted, losing you in the process and having no second chance for redemption

He doesn't want to be who he used to. He doesn't want to - he doesn't want to - he doesn't want to

You'll notice him suddenly stop walking, his eyes fixed on a random nearby object while he's lost in thought

You'll see a sheen of sweat appearing on his face and his hand will begin to tremble

Mercedes and Melchior have been his companions for years, after this has happened once or twice they'll even know to alert you to an impending episode

He'll be muttering pleas under his breath and when you touch him he's started to go cold

The best thing to do is get him to drink some cold water. Something about the action grounds him more effectively than anything else you've tried

You'll get him to sit down against the nearest tree and the two dogs are handling it perfectly, leaning heavily against him and licking his face

Once you've managed to ground him, you'll have to convince him to tell you what he's worried about even if it makes him sound lame

This is the moment where you can praise him without worrying about puffing up his ego. You get to tell him how strong he's become, how much he's changed, why he's worthy of your love

He won't like to acknowledge it after, but he'll hold your hand for the rest of the day