#it's like twink enrichment

[myturtlegotjacked]

Zelda bought a gift for Link before deciding to hide it in the throne room and locked behind a torch puzzle like. She knows him so well <3

[angevinyaoiz]

Richard/Philip may not be any kind of historical but more importantly to me personally it IS toxic yaoi vibes all the way through and I'm so amused the 20th century historian headcanons seemed to latch onto the drama and dumbassery of it all. The dramatic villain backstabby behavior and bizarre immaturity and ego posturing going on during the Messina episodes. The father and family baggage issues leaking all over the place. The weird back and forth power dynamics reflecting the uneasy Capetian-Angevin suzerain/vassal status over the years. The entire stringing-along-Alys affair. Richard getting pissed at being assigned the sub early on by Saladin's negotiators. Everyone involved just being uniquely horrible and cringe the whole time but in very consistently entertaining ways. And James Goldman looked at the whole mess and was like u know what what if I added to this pile my OWN fanfic delusion :)) and add we-met-before dubcon underage betrayal drama tied up intimately in the father issues and broader familial dynamics drama :)))) time to spread misinformation on the (nonexistent) internet :))) but it was evil and sexy and tbh hilarious with the knowledge of what happens later in the timeline so a win for culture I think.

[loplainlointhemorning]

sit here with your womb tattoo and get slapped and bitten gay boy

[lucky-clover-gazette]

balancing the niche loz fandoms collective discourse by putting very obvious anti-religious themes in every fic i write

[themysterioust]

desktop discord is down and i cannot talk to the funny little gays who live in my computer. i think i'm going to start twitter beef with elon musk

[alienzil]

Okay so I saw this post and you know the types of fics where adult Danny moves to Gotham and winds up emotionally adopting one or more of bat kids or accidentally coparenting with Bruce (with or without a relationship between them)? I had the thought, what if Danny parented the bat kids but he started doing it out of spite?

Like, Danny moves to Gotham and runs into Batman and Robin one night while out for a late night flight and drops down to the rooftop to say hi.

Bruce sees this 5'6" twink that looks like a stiff breeze could knock him over and is so obviously new in town and thinks Gotham is going to eat him alive, he needs to leave before he gets killed.

Batman: Looming menacingly and in his deepest scariest Batman voice, "Leave. Metas aren't allowed in Gotham."

Danny: Offend! Excuse?! Who does this guy think he is?! 😡 Danny was trying to be polite here! "First of all, I'm not a meta. Second of all, rude much?!"

Batman: Does scariest bat glare. "Leave." Swoops off into the night.

Robin (Damian): "My father is correct. You should leave the city for your own safety."

Danny sees this tiny vigilante child with fierce expression and a sword and is just like awww, so cute! 😍 Then he noticed Robin had a small cut on his arm and his inner gremlin activates. If the rude flying furry can't take care of his own kid properly, Danny will do it better!

He bandages up Damian's arm, gives him a cookie and teaches him a neat sword trick before sending him on his way with a hug telling him he needs his sleep.

Danny goes out of his way to run into the bat kids and be the absolute best dad.

He takes Nightwing flying and throws him in the air so Nightwing can do all the fanciest acrobatic tricks.

He tracks down Red Hood and starts a book club with him (Danny may or may not have used his connection with Ghost Writer to get ahold of some rare books).

He eats waffles with Spoiler and trys out weird topping combinations that make them both make faces and laugh.

He makes new gadgets for Red Robin but carefully breaks them just a little bit and takes them to the teen so they can fix them together (it's enrichment!). He always insists RR keep them as a reward.

He follows Signal around during the day invisibly, making faces and doing tricks only Signal can see (he made him laugh in front of the police at a crime scene twice!).

All of the kids get his attention and love and Danny smugly thinks how Batman must be absolutely seething about his kids bonding with Danny and Batman missing out on all of it.

Danny started it out of spite but he does wind up genuinely loving the bat kids.

Batman definetly hates it when the kids are bonding with Danny and is extremely jealous (sulky Batman brooding in his cave about it).

Bruce's repeated attempts to intimidate Danny into leaving Gotham don't work and him telling his kids to stay away from Danny had zero effect (the terrible children don't listen to him at all).

So Bruce starts spending more time with the kids to compete against Danny. The bat kids love it and (little gremlins that they are) use the two of them against each other constantly.

Bruce:"Sorry Tim, I can't make it to your photography exhibit this weekend, there's a meeting with the Justice League."

Tim:"Oh that's fine... I'll just ask Danny to come." 😏

Bruce: Narrows his eyes and grits his teeth, "Actually, the Justice League needs to have contingencies in place to manage without my input. This would be a good time to test their capabilities. I'll skip the meeting and come to your exhibit."

With both of them competing to spend more time with the kids it leads to the two of them spending time with each other to be around the kids more.

After Damian catches a terrible flu bug, Danny spends an entire weekend at the manor babying him. This is when Bruce finds out Danny has known their secret identities for months and tries to get mad about it but Alfred puts his foot down, raises a judgmental eyebrow in Bruce's direction that puts a stop to that nonsense and sets up Danny with his own room in the family wing.

Eventually, Danny gets to the point where he spends most of his nights at the manor and he and Bruce consult each other on all major household decisions.

The whole family is at the manor one morning including Danny. Bruce has a meeting at WE and he and Danny are absently discussing their plans for the day at the breakfast table.

Bruce: " The meeting should take most of the morning and then I have paperwork this afternoon and a scheduled walk through on one of the new engineering projects. I probably won't be done by the time school let's out. Can you pick up Damian today?"

Danny: "That shouldn't be a problem. Would you mind swinging by the bookstore on the way home and getting my preorder? Jay and I just finished rereading the first book and we were wanting to start the second tonight before you all go on patrol. I'd rather not try to make it to the bookstore in school rush hour traffic"

Bruce: "Sure."

Stephanie watches Danny reach out and absently straighten Bruce's tie as they both get up to leave. Bruce grabs Danny's coffee thermos and hands it to him while they walk out the door.

Stephanie: "Sooo, bets on how long until they realize they're basically married?"

[deepfrost-citadel]

"You know," Xisuma said, peering cautiously over Cub's shoulder at the museum's latest addition, "When you said you wanted to show me a new exhibit, I wasn't expecting…" He trailed off.

Evil Xisuma glowered at him from inside their enclosure.

"…This."

To say Evil X looked a little miffed about the situation would be an understatement. At least Cub had done a nice job decorating, Xisuma thought, between the blackstone and crimson wood, Evil X looked right at home - if they weren't sitting grumpily in their 2-by-1 lava pool, surrounded by the mangled remains of whatever Cub had put in there for enrichment.

"Surprise!" Cub grinned, doing jazz hands at the enclosure, "I know what you might be thinking-"

Xisuma doubted that somehow.

"- 'Cub, Evil Xisuma hasn't done anything this season! They aren't a historic artefact! They shouldn't be in a museum!' But!" Cub wagged a finger triumphantly, "They are important to the history of Hermitcraft as a whole. So really, if you think about it, they definitely belong in a museum."

"… Okay?"

"Glad we're on the same page."

Xisuma wasn't sure if anyone was ever on the same page as Cub. Except maybe Scar.

"Now! As you can see, I've been decorating their enclosure, trying to add some interactive elements for guests and such." Cub pointed towards a line of redstone lamps at the top of Evil Xisuma's enclosure, "These show you how much electricity they're generating when they do their lightning hands thing. I'll be honest with you, it's broken a few times already so it's still a work in progress-"

"… Is that what all the lightning rods are for?" Xisuma frowned, eyeing the entirely lightning rod-ed ceiling.

"It is indeed!" Cub said, ignoring the twinge of concern in Xisuma's voice, "Well, a little. Mostly it's a safety thing, it wouldn't be good to have guests being electrocuted, now would it?"

"I suppose not… And it definitely works?"

"Oh yeah, it's been very thoroughly tested. Hey, Evil Xisuma," Cub walked up to the glass and tapped on it a few times, much to Xisuma's silent horror, "Wanna show X how the lightning rods work?"

In response, Evil Xisuma stuck their middle finger up at him and yelled something muffled to almost inaudibility that sounded a little like: "When I get out of here, I'm going to rip your head off and use it as a coffee mug, you stupid e-boy twink."

The pair on the other side of the glass blinked.

"… That's a no then." Cub turned back to Xisuma, "They do this a lot."

"They certainly do," Xisuma nodded faintly.

"You can probably tell the glass is uh... Mostly noise-cancelling, had to install that because Helsknight is in the next enclosure over and he's still hibernating. You know how Wels gets when you wake him up early, don't wanna find out how that guy is."

"… Of course," Xisuma sighed, pinching the nose bridge of his helmet, "Do I want to know how you got hold of those two?"

Cub laughed in the slightly unhinged way that gave Xisuma visions of Cub spending several weeks toying with the evil hermits as he hunted them for sport, "Nah man, it's not an interesting story."

Somehow, Xisuma doubted that.

"Anyway," Cub said, changing the topic before Xisuma could ask if he knew there was still someone's blood on his left sleeve, "What I really called you for is that I need an Evil Xisuma expert, and you're the man to ask about all things Evil Xisuma."

"Except for Evil Xisuma."

"Except for Evil Xisuma, yes." Cub nodded sagely, "So. Obviously I wanna make sure everything is nice for our new residents, give them plenty of enrichment and all that, but it hasn't been working out so far."

"I can see that."

"Soo… Any suggestions? What kind of thing does Evil X like? Food? Blocks? I dunno, fake derpcoin or something?"

Xisuma hummed, tilting his head in thought as he gazed at Evil Xisuma, who had clambered out of the lava pool to press their hands against the glass and give Xisuma the saddest, most pathetic puppy dog eyes their LED screen could muster (which, admittedly, were very sad and pathetic) in a silent plea to not leave them here with that madman, they'll be good for realsies this time they promise-

"Well," Xisuma said, turning to Cub, "They like to knit, so maybe they'd like some wool… Oh! And if you can find any old Wormman merch, they'll love that too."

Evil Xisuma's head hit the glass with a despairing thunk.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Out Of Context Shit Heard On The SOLDIER Floor #6

Previous: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5

Angeal: No, Genesis, you spaghetti-noodle-spine-having-ass bitch.

Sephiroth: I identify as a tonberry *chases Cloud with a kitchen knife*

Zack: Ra Ra Rasputin *kicks Sephiroth over*

Genesis: Unhand me you cretin *alone, talking to no one*

Angeal: Zack just showed me a picture of the Grinch and said "hear me out"

Lazard: No, Sephiroth, you cannot have a human-sized cat bed in your office "for enrichment"

Cloud: Parkour time *crashes through the air vents*

Sephiroth: I'm the biggest lesbian ally in this department, actually.

Angeal: For the sake of my sanity I'm gonna pretend I didn't just see Zack twerking to One Winged Angel.

Luxiere: I would commit unspeakable atrocities for a crumb of Zack's attention.

Lazard: That stripper pole better be gone when I get back or so help me, Genesis, I will return you to the goddess.

Sephiroth: *does a single pump of sore throat spray* This is enough for sustenance for the day.

Kunsel: Care for a deep-fried cigarette?

Angeal: You look like an AI-generated twink.

Sephiroth: I've grown so tired of Genesis's voice that we now communicate solely through interpretive dance.

Lazard, over the speakers: Whoever heated fish in the break room microwave, please come by my office so I can break your knees.

Zack: Aww, I forgot to feed the Roomba :(

Genesis: I don't know why me and Angeal are being judged. Simulating a birth with a watermelon is a perfectly normal activity for two people.

Kunsel: Hopefully this office party won't end in accidental weed use.

Angeal: WHY IS THERE A FAMILY OF RACCOONS IN THE TRAINING ROOM?

Genesis: I noticed some homosexual subtext in your screams, do you want to talk about that?

Angeal: *sniff sniff* Ooh~ who's barbecuing? OH MY GOD IT'S AN ELECTRIC FIRE.

Roche: Every time I think about chopping my hair short I think "Sephiroth wouldn't want this for me" and the feeling is gone.

Genesis: I made a friend *drags in a skeleton with a Sephiroth wig*

Cloud: *points at Angeal, Genesis and Sephiroth* Pure of heart, dumb of ass, big of tit.

Lazard: I told Zack to use Excel and he started sobbing.

Angeal: WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST SEASONING YOUR GROUND BEEF?

Sephiroth: It's extremely rude to ask someone why they're eating a salad bowl of udon at 8 AM. Mind your business, Zack.

Cloud: Genesis likes Loveless so much because the title resonates with his love life.

Zack: You keep your anxiety pills in a takeaway to-go box? Dude that's so fancy.

Lazard: Why is Sephiroth the only one wearing a shirt??

Angeal: Common sense has chased Zack all his life but he wears wheelies so he's faster

Sephiroth: I personally don't use the peace sign because I haven't had a day of peace since I was 12.

Kunsel: I'm never going out in public with Zack again. A child's balloon popped when it went near his hair.

Angeal: No I'm not giving you an aspirin. Last time I gave you one you crushed it and snorted it like cocaine.

Lazard: An overwhelming majority of you peaked in kindergarten.

Sephiroth: Zack, I'm becoming increasingly concerned by the amount of potatoes in your pants right now.

Zack: This year I want an A/B/O themed birthday party.

Sephiroth: Please don't commit tax fraud, Genesis. You won't thrive in prison.

Genesis: Does anyone have an extra ramen packet to give Sephiroth? The 64 he consumed this morning weren't enough.

Roche: Commander Rhapsodos and his emo fringe is our culture.

Zack: I'm at my fucking limit! I'm about to eat a vegetable!

Genesis: He's a son of a bitch Sephiroth: That implies he has a mother, so I don't see how that's an insult.

Zack: Fuck around and find out *said with a chunk of Genesis' red coat hanging from his pocket*

Cloud: Does anyone have an extra brain cell? I lost my remaining one when Genesis spoke to me this morning.

Sephiroth: Damn.

Kunsel: Zack owes me so much money that if he sold his box of random shit he stole from Angeal, he still couldn't pay me back.

Angeal: Why are you guys playing Queen's Blood in the closet? is this a metaphor?

Genesis: Have you prayed to your Sephiroth cardboard cutout yet today?

Sephiroth: Alert me once Rufus Shinra arrives so that I may greet him adequately *said while building a pipe bomb*

Lazard: It's all fun and games until the timeout cage that I ordered online arrives.

Genesis: I will atone for my sins by becoming a nuisance to the environment.

Cloud: If Zack were a scented candle he'd smell like ADHD and crayons.

Sephiroth, standing on a table: DO NOT. EAT. THE CHEESECAKE. IN THE FRIDGE. It's mine.

Angeal: *with a bucket while it's raining hale* Free ice baby.

Zack: I finally have enough gil to buy a sixteen bouncy castles.

Genesis: Being overcome with the desire to eat pasta and call your mother at 2 AM and wondering if you're having a mental breakdown or are possessed by Sephiroth.

Lazard: I can't fire any of you, but I'm about to start setting things on fire.

[mikeluciraphgabe]

This disaster lineage is so silly when you break it down

A goblin who Fucks and runs this bitch before going completely off the rails and moving to the middle of nowhere

^ that one’s son padawan who decided that his dad master’s rules we’re stupid - left - and became a wine aunt who is deranged but in a lowkey way

^ that one’s son padawan turned pothead that takes his own son padawan out to fight for ‘enrichment’

^ his dad master traumatized him and made him a whore, slut, booty call if you will as a result

Anakin

Anakin’s first daughter padawan who is a sweetheart - never done anything wrong ever and will stare at her enemies in the eyes before doing the most unnecessary and unexpected move

The ‘last’ Jedi who doesn’t even know how to do the most basic move with a saber - meditates while doing a handstand AND is a Twink (oh and Anakin’s illegal bio-son)

^ that one’s twin sister who is lowkey the most chill but is also Unhinged (don’t take the calm exterior seriously - she’s fucking crazy) (Anakin’s illegal bio-daughter)

The twink’s first ever padawan who is his great-great-great-great grandfather master’s bio-son but then decides that ‘nah this ain’t me fr’ and goes to live with a mandolorian for a couple of years

Boy who is going through a phase evil but falls in love with Anakin’s groomer’s granddaughter and acts like he doesn’t care for her when he Very Much Does (Anakin’s illegal bio-daughter’s son)

[manicpixiedreamjop]

I never sent you any top 5 things even tho you rbd it from me so. Give me ur top 5 images of Matthew McNulty. Putting enrichment in ur enclosure

Hello please know i am deeply unwell about this and also i knew every image i wanted to include the second i received this but i have scrolled through my entire mcnulty tag anyways and feel entirely normal about it i swear

I have elected to use gifs in this because as we all know a solid 50% of mcnulty’s power is contained in his slutty fluttering eyelashes and it didnt feel right to deprive you or anyone else of that

5. Grumpy little twink mcnulty. He looks like such a little bastard man. Someone needs to slap him around. That someone could be me.

(Source)

4. This boy band looking mother fucker. Listen. As a former pop punk/scene kid who also ended up DEEP into one direction, this combination of swoopy hair and goofy little smile is so directly up my alley that it makes me a little ill. You ever see someone so aggressively your type that it feels a little on the nose? That’s me about this look. Disgusting. I want him.

(Source)

3. Back to twink era. I have never in my life seen someone this desperate to be pegged. I hope this man is getting railed nightly

(Source)

2. If i said the things that this gif makes me think this post would get taken down for violating tumblrs terms of service. If you read Friday I’m in Love please know that this is the exact suit i put ned in for the launch party. I want him wearing this suit at all times always. Also the grin and the crinkly eyes. Honestly rude and disrespectful of him

(Source)

1. You know what i don’t think i need nor want to explain myself on this one

(Source)

[officialpenisenvy]

If you were in charge of a Led Zeppelin biopic who would you make the main character and why

ooh good question + i love getting these sorts of asks about how i would go about making my mental lz biopic it really enriches my enclosure. anyways i actually go back and forth on this a decent amount! there's pros and cons to both the perspectives i would like to see, and a good amount of secondary perspectives i feel could make for an equally compelling zeppelin story (just for example, a priscilla-style narrative about lori maddox could be very interesting).

i feel like robert's life story and his perspective on lz is by far the most easily biopic-able, it hits all the beats of a classic movie plot and gives you a compelling and human main character you can very easily empathize with and relate to while still being somewhat of a bastard; it would be so easy to make a "robert's cut" zep movie that would fit within the conventional biopic genre while still being reasonably accurate to his view of things, from the rough childhood to the starry-eyed ingenue years and the disillusionment, and then the car crash and the band's gradual fall into disrepair until john's death, ending with the hesitant start of robert's solo career as he finally comes into his own and leaves jimmy behind. coming into one's own is basically the whole crux of robert's internal conflict during the later zeppelin years, he can see the ruin the band carries with it and has to contend with whether he wants to leave it and his friends behind or let the destruction take his soul, and i think it would work very well as a character arc starting with him as this boy blinded by the flashing lights of fame and fortune and by the genuine love he has for his bandmates and his music. it's a plot that even a middling filmmaker would be able to bring to fruition decently competently, and that a more skilled and artistic/unconventional filmmaker could easily elevate, but at the end of the day a robert-centric biopic (an accurate one, at least) could end up being a rocketman far more easily than a velvet goldmine, which to be clear i would still very much enjoy.

HOWEVER. provided there was an incredibly competent director with a clear and unique artistic vision and skilled at telling unconventional stories in unconventional manners. i would love absolutely nothing more than a fucked up arthouse hallucinogenic theatre of horrors movie about jimmy page told in nonlinear fragments and vignettes both real and fake from multiple points of view. velvet goldmine but much more evil and sinister and with as little of the framing device as possible. i want to see him get femdommed at 20 with questionable consent and i want to see him get torn apart by a maenadic frenzy of groupies like that one recurring nightmare he used to have and i want to see him practicing his occult bullshit that he took incredibly seriously and i want to see him succumb to drugs and to the band only to still be trapped by the legacy he built for himself which he refuses to give up. clinging to your life's work even as it saps away your lifeblood no resolution no happy ending nothing but your shadow taller than your soul. and i want to see him get GAY with it. put that 30yo twink in the torture tunnels that man's life is a fucking horror movie

[happyk44]

Rhoam: Really? You want this skinny little twink to be your personal guard?

Zelda: Yes.

Rhoam: Wouldn't you rather have someone... a little taller than you?

Zelda: No, I like Link. He's very personable.

Rhoam: Yes, but- What is he doing?

Link: *actively smashing all the pots in the throne room*

Zelda: Enrichment.

Rhoam:

Rhoam: You want to study him.

Zelda: I want to study him.

[cator99]

Taged by @parallaxia to play a little game of answers so heres my ansewrs

1. Pretty sure I'm the only person with my name Tyler

2. Wednesday Happy Tears

3. Yeah Created every Twink

4. Every day is a Triathalon and I'm winning

5. too many autistic baddys aroun me for that

6. I notice whatever most noticeable about people

7. Purple but Red when I'm Angry

8. I could waste my life watch movies or I could be Buff yup guess what my decision is

9. Jack of all trades master of all of them also

10. In the mountains but then we had to go to the cave... More work out ther

11. Yeah pretty much all of them due to my exuberance and golden mind

12. stupid too many legs thing in my bathroom that I have to keep taking out of the tub because it gets stuck all those legs and for what useless but it chill so whatever I low key hate peeing alone anyway feels really vulnerable if I had it my way I'd always hold someone hand while I did it and thankfully it has like 40

13. height 5 foot 6 inch shoulder width 3 foot 2 inch

14. Drawing an Eye but Cigarette in the trees across the street was close second Followed by Barricading myself in the girls washroom in attempt to avoid getting arrested

15. I do not dream of labour just kidding god could you imagine jobs is awesome I could do any of them I bet all bring such different enrichment to life so pertty much whatever my handlers need from me I'll do that but other than that id say CEO of Boeing (self explanatory), Buff Real Estate Agent (real estate agent who is buff), Old Detective(bald tanned and smokes cigars), carrying heavy pieces of equipment around in arms on a work site (The Carrier), Fireworks Manufacturer, Fran Lebowitz but Buff, Monk, Angel Of History, Steel Mill, Infomercials guy that people make You Tube Poops of, Krav Maga Instructor.

[fungiblegoods]

A U-Haul pulled up next door and it looks like a third twink is moving into the two-bed one-bath house. I hope they have enough enrichment in their enclosure.

[heartless-curr]

mel I’ve decided it’s important I remain as close to my coparent as possible. kokohead is simply a lesser priority. so im proposing we swap boyfriends. mob deserves a nuclear family

i'm losing my mind over all of this shi are you really suggesting we swap twinks. this is like some thrift store or something. next time josh annoys me i'll consider it i think. kokohead i don't know what enrichment i can offer you but i'm tired of this twink annoying me 24/7 and demanding stuff like ice cream dates from me (/silly)

[guiltygearconfessions]

I think a lot of zappas appeal is how wet and pathetic he is. Like he's just some guy who got the short end of the stick and he's just going through it. Love him so much. I need him in strive so i can see s-ko getting her necessary daily fling-a-twink enrichment (plus so that more people get attached to him like baby ducklings)

-