#it's like. okay. WHY am i a little bored and having to Make myself engage. why does this feel a little medicinal.

[aeide-thea]

still making my way thru a restless truth and, predictably, simultaneously enjoying hawthorn and thinking about how a female hawthorn would just be, like, a bitch, and wouldn't get sympathy or credit for her complexity...

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Take What You Give

Pairing: Nightcrawler x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: fingering, hella dirty talk, pet names, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, overstimulation, DP kinda- it's with his tail so there's that, praise praise praise, unprotected p in v, creampie, kinda cockwarming also- I think that's everything lol

Genre: smut with the tiniest bits of fluff

Summary: after a dreadfully boring date you know the perfect way to unwind

A/N: Someone on tiktok called Nightcrawler community dick and this idea popped into my head because of it lmaoo

***

You're bored. You're on a date with the least interesting person you've ever met in your life and oh GOD you are bored. You feel bad, he's cute and seems like a nice person but none of your conversations have been stimulating this whole time. You're trying to give a real and honest chance before you quit on this and leave. Although you'll admit you're already making plans for after this date so maybe you've checked out at this point. When he starts telling a story about a nightmarish party his college roommates held years ago you practically leap from your chair.

"Sorry to interrupt, I need to use the restroom." You tell him. You don't wait for him to respond before you rush off to find the bathroom. You allow yourself five minutes to come up with a plan ultimately setting a timer before heading back to your table. "Sorry about that. Please, continue." You say with a smile.

"All good?" He asks.

"Yes. Thank you." You say and he continues his story. Twelve minutes later, the alarm on your phone goes off. "Hang on let me just- sorry I have to take this." You mutter angling your phone away from his view as you fake a phone call. "Hello? ... No I'm out, why is everything okay? ... what?! ... Do you need me to come and get you? ... don't be silly of course I'll come. I'm on my way, alright? ... See you soon. Hang in there." You pace out your responses to your imaginary call. "Dillan I'm so sorry my friend is- in a bit of trouble and really needs my help. I hate to bail but it can't wait." You grimace as convincingly as you can.

"Is everything alright? Do you need-"

"I'm alright. We'll take care of it. I just have to go now, but tonight has been fun. I'll call you!" You say standing up. You will not be calling him.

"Yeah I had a great time. I hope things with your friend turn out fine." He says standing with you. You leave the restaurant with one more muttered goodbye and roll your eyes once you're down the block. Time to solidify your plans for the rest of your evening. You dial the number you haven't used in some time- a few months you think but no matter.

"Liebling." His voice is a little breathless when he answers.

"Hi Kurt." You say.

"It's been a while." You can hear the smile in Kurt's voice.

"I'm a busy woman Wagner and you have quite the schedule yourself. Are you engaged for the evening?"

"I can make myself unengaged."

"Don't trouble yourself Kurt."

"For you my dear it's never trouble. When do you want to see me?"

"Whenever you can unengage yourself and get here is fine. I'm not in any particular rush." You tell him.

"I'll see you in an hour. Ish. Be ready."

"Already am." You say suggestively before hanging up the phone. You catch the beginning of what, knowing Kurt, was probably a swear and you chuckle to yourself as you make your way home.

At home, you take off your makeup and the dress you wore and change into some pretty lacy lingerie. Kurt is quite fond of your collection, he says taking them off feels like unwrapping a present he's been dying to receive for months. He's quite dramatic, but you don't see him often so it's easy to enjoy giving him that little treat when you call on him. It's not yet an hour later when he materializes in your bedroom where you're reading leisurely.

"Hello darling." He smiles.

"You're early." You match the grin on his face.

"I said 'ish' plus I hate to keep you waiting." He shrugs.

"Always so sweet to me." You hum marking your place in your book and placing it on the nightstand beside you.

"Do you work tomorrow?" Kurt asks.

"No." 

"Good." He says and then he's over you, holding himself up with one hand while his other cups your face. "You smell of cologne."

"Bad date." You mutter tugging him down to connect his lips to yours. The kiss doesn't last long, you feel him smile against your lips before pulling away.

"Happy to help you forget about it darling but you should call on me more often if you're feeling lonely." 

"If you're worried I'm replacing you Kurt don't be. You'll always be my favorite." You wink at him pulling him in for another kiss. This one he doesn't break, his tongue slipping into your mouth, dominating the kiss quickly. His hands are up your sides nails slightly dragging against your skin enough to send shivers through you. You back away from him enough to tug his shirt over his head, sliding your fingers down his patterned chest.

"I'll always be your favorite hm?" He smirks kissing down your neck.

"Of course my shadow jumper." You whimper when his mouth focuses on a spot against your throat, one of your hands sliding into his hair.

"You know you're my favorite don't you liebling?" He hums into your skin.

"Never had a doubt." You giggle.

"Good girl." His lips trail further, kissing the swell of your best just over the edge of your bra. "I think this might be my favorite set on you too by the way." He says sitting back and pulling you with him so he can unhook the lacy number.

"You say that every time you're here Kurt." You remind him.

"Every time I'm here you unlock a new type of perfection." He winks dipping his head to wrap his lips around one of your nipples as he lays you back against your pillows.

"You're such a flatterer." You say jokingly but a moan punctuates the sentence as Kurt's teasing tongue against your chest tugs at something deep within you. Your back arches towards him your fingers burying themselves in his hair again. Kurt's tail slides up your leg, making you squirm even more and he uses the extra appendage to pull your panties down your body. That tail wraps around one of your ankles, keeping your legs spread for the hand that slides down your abdomen. When his fingers reach the apex of your thighs you're breathing hitches before he's even touched you.

"Always so ready for me, pretty girl." Kurt chuckles. He plunges two fingers into you quickly, curling them in just the right way to have you grinding against his hand. His fingers pump in and out of you with deliberate thrusts, stretching you for him. "Heaven help me, you're absolutely soaking." Kurt hisses, your juices flowing over his hand.

"Fuck babe- I'm close." You pant out, arching into his hand as you chase your end.

"That's it liebling, let go for me." Kurt coaxes softly before leaning forward to take your clit between his lips. He sucks harshly on the bundle of nerves and the sudden stimulation sends you over the edge with a whine. He works you through it with gentle licks and slow pumps of his fingers, watching the way your face shifts between the stages of your pleasure. When you let out a long albeit shaky breath he pulls away, knowing that loud unsteady release of air means you're back in your body. "Oh how I love making you do that." He says pressing a kiss to your lips before placing his sticky fingers into his mouth. The groan he lets out at your taste flooding his tongue is pornographic. There's no other way to describe it, and a fresh wave of arousal washes over you at the sound. You watch him clean his fingers with a darkened look that he relishes in. That carnal desire in your eyes focused solely on him, he'll never get tired of it. When the essence of you no longer coats his digits he pulls them out with a satisfying pop.

"Skipping your usual protocol today?" You ask with a teasing smile. You'd have no qualms if he did but Nightcrawler is one of those makes you cum a dozen times for his own enjoyment types who has never passed up the opportunity to eat you out before fucking you.

"And allow the sweetest nectar to go to waste? Don't insult me." He scoffs shifting himself to lie between your legs. He wastes no time pulling you towards his waiting mouth and allowing his tongue to dive into your center. Your fingers are in his ink-colored hair moments later, desperate to ground yourself as he devours you like his final meal.

His tongue thrusts in and out of you, slurping the juices that spill from you, moaning as your arousal washes over every inch of his mouth. The sounds from him reverberate against your skin only furthering your madness as Kurt takes you apart one lick, one slurp, one suck at a time. When your legs begin to shake, he brings his hands up to hold your thighs still, digging his fingers into the flesh there as he feasts. Your first orgasm on his tongue meets you with a loud moan and barely contained thrashing that does nothing to slow Kurt. You jerk against his still seeking mouth, but his hold on your thighs simply tightens as he continues his onslaught.

"God! Kurt- please!" You cry out though you're not sure if you're asking him to stop or continue. As if it matters, Kurt will go until he's satisfied which with him could literally be hours. With Kurt there's no such thing as too much, he can go and go and go shattering you into a million pieces just to put you back together so he can do it all over again. And you let him. You relish in the bite of overstimulation that soon melts away to pure pleasure again as his tongue forces another orgasm from you. This one takes you by surprise as you pull at the strands between your fingers, your body convulsing harshly.

Kurt's eyes meet yours and he winks at you as he pulls you tighter against his mouth. His tongue focusing now on your too sensitive clit. You writhe against him, caught between escaping and searching for more as you squeal from his ministrations. When a scream Kurt would describe as piercing falls from your lips and your third orgasm coats his tongue he finally gives you a break, working you through your release before sitting up.

"When I asked if we were skipping your protocol it wasn't a challenge." You eventually huff at him, once your chest stops heaving so hard you thought you'd never get enough air in your lungs.

"Tapping out already? I've given you much more in one go before. Perhaps I should be checking on you more often liebling." Kurt smirks as he wipes his face.

"Tapping out? Before you've even fucked me? It's like you don't know me at all anymore sweet one." You tease back.

"That's my girl." Kurt chuckles shucking his pants off before sinking into you. Between your breathless moan and the feeling of your walls pulsing around him Kurt can't help but groan when he bottoms out. He holds still for a moment allowing both you and him to adjust to your heat swallowing his length. With a deep breath, his hips rock back, almost all the way, and then he thrusts into you so harshly that he shifts you on the bed. He settles his hands on your hips then and sets a brutal rhythm, his hips snapping against yours relentlessly.

"Holy- fuck." You grit out, tossing your head back against the bed. Kurt always fills you to the point where it's almost too much, you can feel him everywhere somehow but oh how you love it. Your nails scrape down Kurt's back as you cling to him while he fucks you ruthlessly.

"So good. You feel so good liebling." He huffs out between his thrusts.

"So do you, god- you fuck me so well. Fill me so nicely."

"I know I do pretty one, this pussy loves taking my dick. Does it so well each time. Isn't that right baby?"

"Yeah- yes- love it so much." You whimper when Kurt's tail slips between your bodies and finds your clit. The extra appendage is as dexterous as his fingers and the swollen bundle of nerves reacts to it the same way, luring you to another orgasm that has you shuddering in Kurt's arms. His tail continues to poke around near where you and Kurt are joined, his hips not slowing even with his tail in the mix. It's something he's done before, not often- but it seems tonight he's pulling out all the stops. The tip of his tail is gathering your wetness, covering itself to prepare for entering you at the other end. Kurt lifts your hips further into him, holding you high enough for his tail to get under you and slowly prod your ass.

"Gonna stuff you proper tonight." Kurt mutters before his tail breeches you. Your gasping whine at the sudden intrusion only fuels Kurt more. His tail quickly matches his hips in rhythm filling you in both holes, clouding your mind. You're a mess of moans and whines as Kurt has his way with you. He pulls one or two more orgasms from you before he's spilling into you with a roar. He doesn't even bother pulling out before lays beside you and pulls you tightly against him. He kisses your forehead softly and whispers something in German that you don't know the meaning of. It's fine he'll be here a while. With Kurt it's never one and done. He'll pull more orgasms from you until you've completely lost count, until all you know is his name and the pleasure he's giving you, until the world has been flipped on its axis and you along with it. It happens every time and that's exactly why you call him when you do.

***

[starillusion13]

saw the reqs are open omg!!! im thinking of badboy wooyoung (god forbid his new undercut) x reader. wooyo plays and teases her together with his friends til he crosses the line and the reader kind of gets hurt? angst to fluff i beg ❤️

I LIKE RED

Pairing: Ateez! Wooyoung x fem! reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Slice of Life

Warnings: crying, mention of physical abuse, psycho behaviour of boyfriend, teasing in university, slight mention of bullying, Wooyoung's undercut lol

W.C: 3.5k

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated 😭. Applause to the ones who come up to me to interact and they know how friendly I am. Okay enough!

Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

“Look, who we got here?”

“Wooyoung, I’m not going to repeat again. Move.”

As usual, he is not getting fazed by your cold attitude and hence, your bored face is giving him the amusement. His two bestfriends San and Yeosang finding the situation funny and three of them smirking and staring down at you.

……

You didn’t expect your university life to be dealing with these idiots everyday. It’s not like you have engaged yourself with them eagerly but somehow you and Wooyoung being in the same dance club making the things go around like this. When you got first introduced to him, you had just saw him from afar laughing with his friends and walking around the campus and boy, his laugh was so contagious that even from a distance, it brought a little smile on your face.

Everything becomes different the moment when next day, you met him, standing in front of you. An average tall boy in black pants and a loose jacket with a black tee inside, must be a black lover. Sharp jawlines highlighting the face on point along with the undercut hair, so on point that the shaved hairs above the ear and behind it shaved nicely to spot the earring more clearly, giving the face a fresh look but the shaved hairs slightly getting hidden under the rest black hairs, giving him a mysterious look. Curious eyes staring down at you, tongue licked his soft red lips and hands extended in front of you with an attitude laced in his voice.

“This is Wooyoung and what’s your name, sweetheart?”

Oh. A sweet-talker. Shaking his hands, your mind went how he had that rough outlook but his hands were so soft as if a handshake can ease your every problem.

“Myself Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

“Such a pretty name. Also, I like your dress. Its suits you so well and there’s a reason why am liking it more.”

“Thank you. And may I know why?”

“No.” And with this, he patted your cheeks with two fingers and making a clicking sound with his tongue and teeth, he winked at you and left you there, standing at the corridor. You didn’t know what did just happen. Like the introduction was normal but then if he didn’t want to tell you the reason so why giving a hint that he likes your dress for a reason. Quickly, you went to the washroom to check if there was any problem with your outfit but all you could see was your reflection just the same as when you left the house in the morning.

It’s not possible for that boy with the dark aesthetic to like such a bright dress.

…….

Now, it was a part of your daily routine to cross paths with him during the breaks between classes. You both only had few practical classes together and also it was usual to meet at the club meetings. The unusual part was him to be always being close to you, even people assumed you both to be a couple. ‘An innocent girl and a bad boy’ He himself even teased you several times along with his bestfriends but your reaction was simple just to glare at them, which was rather stupid to them, cute to him. It didn’t bother to his reputation of being the popular guy in the campus or him flirting with some girls even when he got to hear questions from some whether he is really dating you or not. He always laughs at this question and sometimes run around the campus just to know your whereabouts so that he can annoy you. Just like the way he is doing now.

“Why are you always telling me to move or…like you just ignore me the way as if you can’t even see me?”

“wooyoung, look don’t act like we are close. You know I won’t be giving in like other girls so better move aside.”

“Bad girl. Why are you being mean to me?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Don’t pretend to be a good girl. Wooyoung is just being nice to you, nothing else. You both are paired up in for the dance competition so he is just trying to be friends with you.” San states while referring to his friend who is still trying to block your way from going to the next class.

“You know that even if we are paired doesn’t mean that we need to be friends and we can have this conversation only during the practices that’s it.”

That’s on cut, you push him and run away from the scene. Wooyoung tries to call you but end up laughing with his friends.

Arriving to a classroom, you take heavy breathes and lean to the wall. You didn’t have to run away from him like the way as if he was a killer with his gang. Atleast, he is not the one but the one who would judge the situation is.

You still remember those moments when these three had teased you a lot of times in the corridors. Either them flirting with you or spreading news that you are dating one of them or telling people rumours about you staying with them at nights but the second you get them in your hand, you would scold them but nothing can change the fact that they are deaf to your shouting. Mostly, Wooyoung who is the main cause of all these hurdles in your life. He is always the one who has to start such commotions every day. You don’t know why but apart from you being in a pair in dance class, he still tries to be close with you other times but only to tease you and make you run some errands for him. He and his friends would make you sometimes do a lot of their works but if you deny sometimes then they would make sure to threat you with your scholarship. To be in the good books of everyone, you are agreeing with everything, even with the dark life of yours.

And as you thought before, there is always one who would judge the situations in a different way.

“So, you were again with him. Had fun? Kissed yet?”

“M-Mark?”

“What? Didn’t expect me here or you are disappointed that you can’t spend time with that lover boy?”

“Mark, that is not the thing. He was just informing me about the dance practice schedules and-“

“Shut up.” Mark comes near to your form, eyes daringly watching how your body tensed up with his every step. He caged you in between him and the wall with his one hand resting beside your head and other one on your cheeks, “baby, why are you so afraid of me? It’s not like I’m going to hurt you. Do I ever hurt you?”

You remain silent. Lips quivering, eyes trembling and tears slide down your cheeks. A silent tear with storm of helplessness. Your whole-body trembling under his touch, remembering his previous tortures on you one by one.

“Now, we don’t want a bad girl here, right?” Bad girl. Wooyoung calls you this everytime whenever you glare at him when he teases you the times when you try to ignore him but he is not letting you to go until he has annoyed the hell out of you.

Mark slaps you. Your weak body couldn’t keep the balance and ended up on knees, getting hurt in the elbow during this. Mark bends down to hold your face upwards to look at him, a dangerous glint in his eyes. “Why didn’t you answer yet? Is it so hard to tell whether I have hurt you or not? Yes or no.”

“No. You never hurt me.”

He yanks your hair and you grunt on the pull, burning your scalp. Your eyes are bloodshot because of the pressure and the way you are suppressing your cry, a cry for lost war.

“That’s a lie. I have just now hurt you and you are getting more punishments later for lying to me.”

He got up from the space and dusts his clothes. Glancing at you, he rolls his eyes and calls someone. After having some few conversations with the person on the other line, you know that’s Haechan asking him about their father’s business deals. Your cheek is burning but what about it, you are used to getting this treatment. Your once lovey-dovey boyfriend is now a psycho. Once, when a topic of breaking up with him had arisen since then he is acting like a maniac to keep you with him and now supporting his every behaviour has led down to this. Getting treated like a prisoner, atleast he allows you to come to university as you are always locked up in the suffocating house. The house is big but wherever you are with him, it’s a prison to you now, which was once a paradise you dreamed of.

“get up. Don’t overreact and don’t ever dare to miss the class. No one is going to pay for your semester fees if you fail this. You have only got the scholarship because I was your tutor in highschool so just go and attend the lectures.”

He was your tutor and that was how, you fell in love with him. How much you regret to have him as your tutor back then! You were so grateful for him to be by your side but now its sinful.

He went out without glancing at you twice. If he going to treat you like this then why keeping you with him. Obsession. He is obsessed with you. Somehow, even in this situation, your thoughts wander around how one day, wooyoung asked you in between your errands about your hand injury but you waved it off. I should have told him the truth. Why? You sometimes feel this urge to open up yourself to him because you find him a comforting person despite his teasings.

.

.

.

.

.

“You know you should break up with him? We can be better together?”

“Who?”

“Of course, I’m talking about Mark Lee. If there is someone else then I don’t know about him, honestly but you look like a good girl to do such things.”

“what? What such things?”

“Being in relationship with more than one.”

“You don’t know what I do or might be doing in my private life so don’t be a nosy person right now.”

“Oooooh, that’s sexy. My bad girl is interesting.” His bad girl and somewhere you liked the way he just mentioned you.

One moment he is being a friendly and understanding one with you but the next moment he will be returned to its actual self, having fun with everything all around and make you feel you are not a special person to him, you are just a part for him to make fun of.

What big expections you have with your life! You literally hate him then why thinking of getting close to him.

Mark’s daily abuse is getting out of hand these days because of him Wooyoung and that’s why you ignore him as much as possible just not to get in trouble but still a part of you wants to run to him. Why? Because apart from his teasing, he is the only one who actually let you show your mad expression when he has crossed his limits, to make you listen to his absolute nonsense but you enjoy hearing some out of world gossips than harsh insults from mark and many other things wooyoung make you feel, which make you believe you deserve a better life, a life where you can smile, laugh naturally, not laughing with a fear of someone watching you everytime.

.

.

.

.

“That’s it. We can keep the practice till here. We have two more weeks and we have already covered the whole dance, just a few more practices and we will be the one getting the winner’s trophy.”

You just nod on his words. You can rarely hear his words because your wide eyes looking down at the sweating palms holding your phone, showing 10 missed calls from your boyfriend, Mark. You are dead. This should not have happened if you previously hadn’t silenced the phone to not get distracted during the practice. It’s weird to be in a dance club when your boyfriend doesn’t appreciate such things, right? No. According to him, it would make you stay fit and strong but he doesn’t know that even if you are physically okay, mentally you are the weakest.

“Y/N, are you listening to me?”

You didn’t reply. You haven’t heard so how could you. You feel hands on your shoulder which break your trance of thinking all the negative situations to be faced after you will reach your place. Your wide teary eyes stare back at wooyoung who was looking at you in confusion.

“Y/N?”

“Wooyoung, I need to leave. I have to go. Right now.”

Your panicking state doesn’t go unnoticed by him and when you were collecting your things in hurry, he grips your hand to turn you around and you stare into his eyes, your panic rises when you realise if mark sees you like this with him then something like previous torturing days would repeat again.

…….

“If I walk around the campus like this, will your boyfriend be angry or just have faith on you and let it slide that we are friends?”

“wooyoung, move your hand. People might think us of something else. I’m already under so many gossips and I don’t want to add up to it.”

“Why are you always so eager to be in good books of everyone? Be yourself, Y/N. Fuck what people are thinking about you without any proof. I’m just asking about your boyfriend’s reaction. Also, I hope your boyfriend tells you the same thing about you too.”

I hope too. I hope my boyfriend would have been like the way he was, just the way you always playing around and like before being a polite and gentle boyfriend but he is a different person now. A literal doppelganger of his past.

You harshly push wooyoung and glare at him. He was taken aback by your sudden attitude but he had noticed your sudden change in attitudes for a while now. He had noticed the fear in your eyes whenever he asks you about your boyfriend. Ignoring his worst thoughts, still he believed on the positive side and annoys you.

“Don’t touch me like this in public or in private ever like this. Only my boyfriend is allowed to touch me and no one less.”

That’s how you left him there, standing and watching your figure disappearing when you took a turn.

You somewhere hoped to shout on your boyfriend like this not to touch you ever but somehow your whole life is being controlled by him and when you are with him, you are like a puppet of his hands. Mark’s touch are dominating and rough ,simply abusive and insulting whereas Wooyoung’s touch are soft and playful, in other words securing and loved.

………

“Don’t tell me to leave your hand again.”

“wooyoung..”

“Are you okay?”

“Wooyo-“

“Tell me. Are you okay? Is there something bothering you?”

You are wiggling your wrist under his hold but somehow his grip is strong but gentle. Before you could say any more word. The door of the practice room slams open, startling you and Wooyoung closes his eyes in frustration as to who is interrupting him. You both are looking at the person at the door. You are faced with the most scary scene in front of you, your eyes wide in horror and whereas wooyoung unfazed by the presence. Your boyfriend’s raging eyes taking in your position with him and how wooyoung maintaining a secure hold on your wrist. His heavy steps of the boot echoing inside the room as if the mirror walls would collapse under the pressuring sound, eyes focused on the grip.

Your breathes becoming heavy, hands becoming numb, ears becoming deaf to the surrounding and as if the walls closing in to suffocate you to death. Mark reaches to you and holds your other hand and when he tries to pull you, you are pulled back by the other one.

“Y/N, tell that guy that we are leaving for home and it’s your last time for this dance practice.”

Wooyoung didn’t like the tone he used on you and seeing your trembling form under their hold was triggering something inside him.

“Woo-“ you somehow manage to voice out his name but Wooyoung interrupts you.

“Even if you drag her away from me still I’m not leaving her hand. Not with you.”

Mark chuckles on hearing his desperation in the voice.

“You are speaking about my girlfriend in the way as if she belongs to you.” Taking few steps closer to him, he glared , “ Remember She is Mine.”

You clutch Wooyoung’s wrist under his hold and he sees your uncomfortable face to which he forcefully pulls you behind him and glares at your boyfriend.

“Don’t touch her.” Wooyoung literally growls at Mark.

Mark is not liking his attitude and finding this so annoying that you are giving in to him and not fighting against his hold as if you are glad to be with him.

“You don’t tell me what to do with her. She is not your property. Let me take back to where she belongs to.”

“Now, you are telling me she is a property? Shut up before I pull your throat out. She can’t be yours when you are just treating her like this. Have you seen her closely? She is dancing but her body is lacking the confidence and strength because she is weak both mentally and physically and emotionally and all this because of you.” Wooyoung glares as he stated his points.

Mark glares back at him, “aren’t you showing too much care for her? Have you fallen in love with her or what?”

“Yes, I have. Atleast I know how to treat someone whom I love. Just leave, Mark.”

Mark grabs his collar and glared at him.

You somehow managed to calm yourself while being out of sight of Mark but still a lingering sense of fear still budging you. You push yourself to the front of Wooyoung, “Mark, please let go of him. We were just practicing for the event and….I…I had put the call on silent. Sorry for that.”

Both of the males are looking down at you but with different emotions, one with soft and worried expression and the other one with furious eyes and mad expression.

Leaving the collar, he grabs your hair and pulls your face near him, “I have told you several times to stay away from him but you are a brat who won’t listen.”

“Ah…Mark. It’s hurting….please leave it.”

“Do you think Wooyoung will always be there to help you?”

“Whats going on here?” Yeosang enters the room and the scene before him is confusing. He looks at Wooyoung and then you and your boyfriend.

Wooyoung again pulls you out of his grasp and hugs you, “Y/N, calm down. Shh.shh, it’s me.”

“Please leave me. Please I will listen to you. I won’t be a bad girl again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Wooyoung’s heart clenches seeing you like this vulnerable, he hugs you tighter and caress your head, planting a slow and soft kiss on your head. Mark was about to go towards him.

“Yeosang, call your dad and San and tell them to come here. Grab him and take him to the spare room. I’m coming.”

The one in command doesn’t need a word more to jump in action. He pulls out a syringe from his backpack and push it down the neck of Mark when he was busy watching you. One might wonder what in the hell Yeosang have such things in his backpack but that’s for other times. As for now, he is taking this unconscious man out of the room to the spare room.

Wooyoung waited until the door got closed. He makes you sit on the floor along with him and pulls you closer to his embrace, a secure one as if he is shielding your weak body from every strong presence and negative energies around you.

“Hey, look at me. No one is here to hurt you. It’s me and you. Open your eyes, sweetheart.”

Somehow his sweet voice worked and you parted your eyes a bit, still not sure about the scene that might get unfold. But to your relaxation, a sweet guy yet his appearance was not sweet, his looks and aesthetics are always so dark and gives off gangster vibes, you sometimes wonder him to be one. Your eyes wander around the room to see where is your boyfriend but it was only both of you and somewhat you thanked for this mentally.

Your gaze returns back to the guy holding you tight as if his hold won’t loosen even if it’s the end of the world.

“Wooyoung…”

“Yes…it’s me. He can’t hurt you anymore. You are safe now. “

Shaking your head, “he will come back to me again. You don’t know how powerful he is. Nothing can prevent him from getting me back. Not even you.”

“Who said I’m not powerful?”

“I’m not joking. He has a backup support of a gang and even if I complain about him to the police then his boss will bail him.”

Pulling your head to his chest, his hands patting your back, “I know everything about him. Even more than you know. You don’t know a lot of things about everyone but you know I guessed it right. That something is up between you and Mark. I have watched you feeling scared everytime I have mentioned about him. Even if you smile anytime, there was an unspoken sadness in your eyes.”

“You noticed? That’s crazy coming from you as you have always seen me as to tease and annoy me.”

“That’s fun though….. I have noticed everything about you Y/N. Since the first day, I met you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“To pull you in the mess of my life. I should have managed to get out from here before he could reach to us here but I was late.”

He caress your head before softly pulls it upwards. So opposite from Mark’s hold. The same actions but different approach, your hurtful eyes meeting his worried eyes.

“I’m glad that all my guess are cleared in front of my eyes and I was the one there who could protect you from him. I will keep you safe. And I can assure you that no one can hurt you ever not even me and you have to trust me.”

“I want to trust you but somewhere I fear to get hurt again like the way I got on trusting him. But Woo” your palm resting on his cheeks, “ but please let me trust you. Let me make you the part of my life. Please make me believe that I can be loved and you will not hurt ever.”

He smiles at you and this is the first time he is genuinely smiling at you without any teasing and you smile a little along with him.

“I have loved you since the day one since the day when you introduced yourself all dolled up in a red dress and you remember I told you that I like your dress for a reason.”

You nod.

“I like red and you caught my eyes that day but not like the other girls but a one who I need to protect. I like you in colour red. You shine the brightest. My bad girl in red.”

You hug him tightly, “thank you, Wooyoung.”

So it was your red dress. Now everything is getting clear why he always puts a red ribbon on your wrist or gifts you red cased pens, red key rings. He always urges you to wear red coloured outfits or a hint of red details atleast available in it. You thought it was just a part of him annoying you but it was just he wanted to see you in red colour.

“I love you, Y/n.”

You didn’t reply but rest your head on his shoulder inhaling his comforting cologne.

“I’m sorry if it’s too fast but after waiting for all these years I couldn’t help and-“

“I love you too, Woo.”

He is smiling brightly hearing your reply with the nickname and place a soft kiss on your forehead and then on your nose. He stares at your lips.

“One day when we will be both in a better situation, I will kiss you on the lips.”

You smile at him and rest your head against his chest, his heart beating fast yet it’s relaxing to you.

In a comfortable silence inside the practice room, there’s two souls promising to be there with each other, one is glad to save the other one and the other is glad to get the comfort they desired all these times. Never ever anyone had thought of having a peaceful silence in a place which is supposed to be loud chaotic.

“But you are still my bad girl who is ready to argue back with me and also we need to be the winners. The winners of the competition and the winners of the life of you and me.”

His bad girl in red.

Please dont hate Mark. I want to give Mark a psycho role and somehow I was lowkey loving it while writing him here but remember he is not even like this in real life. He is an absolute sweetheart. Mark him in your heart.

Perma Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @eriny123 @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon [open!]

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Fic Recs | Vol 11

Hi friends!!

I've really outdone myself this week, folks. I read TWENTY SEVEN new fics (including three very long series) + a bunch of updates to WIPs I was already reading. That being said, I'm gonna sort these by character for you because it's a lot to scroll through.

If you're new here, these are all the fics I read this week (except series updates and unnamed drabbles) and my unhinged/unedited ramblings about them :)

You can find the full spreadsheet here, and you're always welcome to tag me in your fics <3

Fic recs below the Pedro <3

Din Djarin

Wherever You Stray, I Follow a one shot by @beskarandblasters

This is one of those fics that makes me genuinely pissed I'm not living in the Star Wars universe. Why can't I run away from an arranged marriage with my bodyguard who just so happens to be a very very handsome man in a suit of pure beskar? It's not fair.

Beskar Doll a series by @justagalwhowrites

Okay so I read 40+ chapters of this in TWO days. The story is so engaging?! Also we all know I love me some angst and the angst in this is so well done. It's believable, it's painful, it's excellent. I'm always hype for reader characters/FMC/OFC that are strong and capable (not that I have an issue with the damsel in distress fics either but...) I am obsessed with the reader/MC in this. She's so fucking cool and strong and AGH!!! There was no part of this where I was bored or wondered why the story went in a certain direction - it always made sense to me and I was completely engaged the whole time. That's pretty impressive for a long ass fic like this. I usually fall off after 20 or so chapters. Everyone should read this, tbh.

Significant a one shot by @softlyspector

AHHHH okay first of all, you gotta read the drabble first so you get a feel for the relationship. This was SO CUTE. I support every choice made in this fic. I don't want to spoil anything, but just know that I love the characterization and dialogue in this. I love how quickly I got sucked into the story and believed their relationship despite it only being 5k. I could kind of imagine a full series around this. It was sooooo cute UGH. (Look at me reading fluff, what's goin on).

Fix it a one shot by @jksprincess10

I love how you've barely written Din before (1 fic) and then you produce this. It's so fucking good. We get helmetless!Din without a fuckton of buildup and like I get that it's not the most realistic, but sometimes you just want Din Djarin to eat you out without 20 chapters of wondering what his face looks like or having to be in the dark. And the tattoos... nad... you gave him tattoos.... I'll pass out and die on the floor right now.

a little attention a one shot by @luckbealincoln

Din has a rough day (haha get it?) and reader knows just how to get rid of his pissy ass attitude. I love love love dom!Din so fucking much this is so hot PLEASE

Best Kept Secret a series by @lincolndjarin

Bodyguard!Din and princess!reader!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this trope so much. I expected the fic to be a little kitschy because I mean... it's a kitschy trope. And I love kitschy shit that's why I clicked on it... but guys! guys!! it's not!! This fic has so much depth, so much emotion. The little glimpses of Din's backstory, the depictions of mental health, that bastard Kodo, my beloved Elaine and Lysa... just... there's so much in this story that I adore. It feels fresh and interesting and it's heart wrenching and wonderful and sexy and....yeah read this one thanks.

Who do you belong to? a one shot by @beskarandblasters

HOT!!!!!!! Possessive!Din is so fucking hot. The smut is.... oh my lordt it is good.

Joel Miller

i can be your pretty girl a series by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

A little innocent reader/manipulative dbf!joel never hurt anyone, right? I fucking love this. And the subsequent part is... even better (worse? more depraved?).

Epiphany a one shot by @jksprincess10

This story hurts. It hits you right in the chest and takes the breath out of you. Worth the pain though. It's gorgeously done <3

I'll Do Anything a one shot by @beskarandblasters

I feel like I've seen some fics that are this trope but in reverse, where Joel is the one making reader pay with sex. I think I like this better tbh. Desperate, needy Joel is everything.

Seven a one shot by @proxima-writes

Starting with the dream was so fucking good! And I really like the choice to not make it a 1 to 1 direct recreation of the actual scene with Sarah. I loved the early interactions with Joel and reader so much. The library scene AHHH!!!! And then fast forwarding through the reallly good smut, the dream that's not a nightmare???? Are you kidding me??? genius. Reader still believing in beautiful things and making joel believe he deserves good things and oh my god just shoot me now this was adorable.

sensational a series by @sinsofsummers

I guess I was on an innocent reader kick this week idk. I love the buildup of the reader's background in this though. She feels like a real person and not just a vessel for actual reader to pretend we're virgins and Joel Miller is teaching us about sex. Like she is that, don't get me wrong, and I love it. But!! She's a real person, with feelings and a backstory and I am a slut for a good story with my smut. Okay and also Joel doesn't feel like a creep in this, which is a little hard to achieve given the premise. I really liked this and I hope we get more. (there's a part two, but like I'd read 10 parts of this are you kidding)

Desire a series by @toxic-seduction

Good ol' depraved smut. I haven't read one like this before!! And the follow up is just as yummy. Highly recommend if you're feeling a little freaky :)

Gimme What I Want a series by @atticrissfinch

Oh my god oh my GOD oh my god. This was so fucking hot?! And the little moments of humor too?! I love the format for this so much. And the attention to detail with the timestamps and everything!! And then part two... I was not prepared. God it was so hot. (and the lil bonus of Joel being awkward and adorable ughhhh). The blend of sexy and funny and a tad bit depraved and a tiny bit sweet... perfect.

Lavender a series by @justagalwhowrites

Hey, it's not nice to break people's hearts repeatedly. There are barely even words to describe this fic. The nanny trope to start out with, meaning that you get really really attached to Sarah and pre-outbreak Joel and you build up all these hopes and dreams for the two of them.... and then... (trying not to spoil things) Joel being a moron and then the outbreak of course and... I always want to know what happens in that 20 years between outbreak and Joel meeting Ellie. I really adore the way that canon content was blended with original content in a way that seems to make Joel's actions make even more sense than they do in canon. Doc is such a cool character also??? And oh my GOD Andrew and Jess... I seriously cannot explain how fucking perfect this is. I could read it forever. Like I hope you carry it on through season two when that comes out, it's that good. I would read 500 chapters of this.

Mine a one shot by @the-scandalorian

How does one write Porn Without Plot, anal at that, and make it profound? Apparently this way. How dare you make me feel anything but a little ashamed and lot horny about an ANAL FIC?! Are you a fucking WIZARD?! Anyway yeah y'all should read this one.

Stay here, honey a one shot by @swiftispunk

This is just porn but I was having that kind of day. dbf!joel + really high chance of getting caught PWP. Wonderful <3

What I need a one shot by @swiftispunk

knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink knife kink. Oh and also a lil bit of sweetness at the end. Yes please

Your Summer Dream a series by @swiftispunk

Look I've only read chapter one and I'm already in love. The set up is so good. Joel seems so sweet and charming and cool and HOT?!? Reader is about to win the rebound Jackpot for real. I'd be jealous if I wasn't,,,, ya know,,, the reader.

exile a one shot by @tieronecrush

Oh hey cool, thanks for hurting my feelings... just kidding you know I love angst. This was so gorgeously written. I love all the descriptions a lot. And also... I read a lot of joel/reader breakups where she just immediately crumbles and takes him back because like wouldn't we all? But I really like how you had her hesitate even though she's clearly miserable. At least one of us is emotionally mature enough to not dive headfirst back into a toxic relationship (couldn't be me).

Javier Peña

a pile of cards a one shot by @undercoverpena

There are very few things I love more than fluffy, soft!Javi Peña. That man has the capacity to be so sweet and caring and kind and loving and AHHHHHH. I really love the way this story is told. A story in birthdays for your birthday celebration... that's so fucking creative I love it. I just... I can't say enough about this fic. Read it!!

not here, not now a one shot by @gracieispunk

Reader gets in trouble with Javi and handcuffs are involved... I feel like I do not need to say more.

(Re)union with Elvis a one shot by @tieronecrush

I've read a lot of these lil accidental marriage fics, and this is one of my favorites so far. I loved getting to see them meet up sober, go through the whole night, experience the silly wedding, the mind blowing sex, and then the wakeup scene is actually so cute? I rarely see one of these without a defcon level freak out about the fact they got married. Imagine telling this story at your wedding? Like oh yeah we've actually already divorced each other and it was before we ever started dating.

Pero Tovar

Xìngjiāo a one shot by @absurdthirst

I finally watched The Great Wall and my literal first move after finishing it was to see if absurdthirst wrote a sex pollen fic for Tovar and she FUCKING DID!!!!! Gods I love sex pollen.

Pero Tovar and his Guerrera a series by @prolix-yuy

This lil loose fit series makes my heart sing. Pero being an idiot? Reader being a badass? Silly arrangement to be able to stay near each other without having to admit feelings? Finally admitting feelings??? Wrap me up in this story and bury me in it, thanks.

Dave York

Stormy Secrets a one shot by @absurdthirst

Kinda randomly got in the mood to read something fucked up and stumbled on this lovely Dave York fic. Murder daddy didn't let me down, this was EXCELLENT. Pretty much checked every box on the list of what I would kill to have Dave York do to me.

Just Your Average Suburban Couple a one shot by @absurdthirst

What if Murder Daddy had a Murder Wife? I know it's a hot take, but I love the fake dating trope so this is so fun for me. Add in badass reader, infidelity, murder, Dave York being soft (in his own way), domestic Dave, and possessive/jealous!Dave? Oh and of course delicious smut. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

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Do y'all prefer it sorted like this or was it fine the old way? This takes a little extra work, but it's not that bad.

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Happy Reading!

[hellhound5925]

One shot - Sargent Hunter

Warnings: Violence, mention of blood, Unwanted flirting? Smut?

“Let her go”

Summary: Cid send you all on a mission that had Hunter in a mood from the beginning, Omega wasn’t allowed to come per his request and the details were….well the whole idea was to get into the bar and mix ourselves among the crowd to get information out of our target. He was a smuggler that was taking profits away from Cid and naturally that didn’t sit well with her. This time I was supposed to get the smuggler’s attention because I’m apparently his ‘type’. Being a bounty hunter I’ve done this kind of work before…just not in the presence of Hunter…

The other members of the Bad Batch had already entered the bar at various times and were waiting for me. Cursing to myself in Mando'a, I stood outside the bar and adjusted my very form fitting black dress. My hair was pinned to one side to hide the com tucked away in my ear. "Ugh...this di'kutla (stupid) dress I can hardly move in this thing..." I say forgetting the group can hear me. There's a chuckle in my ear "Mandalorian's" Echo says. "I am not sure what exactly that has to do with anything" chimes in Tech. "Focus" Hunter barks. Feeling like I've adjusted myself enough for the time being, I enter the bar.

Immediately I head into the bar and get myself a shot to mentally prepare myself for what's coming next. Turning around so my back is to the bar, I rest my elbows on it and paint a bored look on my face. Glancing around I catch each of the boys staring, "Stay on task boys." Our target comes through a curtain at the other end of the bar. Turning back to the bar, I order myself a drink and slowly stir it, playing up the boredom.

"Is this seat taken?" A deep voice comes from over my shoulder. Raising a brow I glance over my shoulder to see the target "I guess it is now..." The man sneaks a glance at my chest before sliding into the chair next to me. "I've never seen you here before." I scoff "Let's just say I was supposed to meet a business partner but it looks like I was blown off." "Ahh what a shame. Pretty thing like you shouldn't be left alone around here...things tend to get dangerous. There's quite a few smuggling parties around here that don't always get along."

I take the opportunity to get a good look at our guy. He's actually somewhat handsome…Hunter is probably stewing. As if on cue his voice is in my ear, "You need to get information out of him." I smile at the guy "well I guess it's a good thing you joined me then." I engage in small talk with the man, letting him know I was here to make a deal and trade spice - that seems to peek his interest. There is even the occasional banter or teasing in my ear from the boys.

A hand spreads across the small of my back "my table is over in the corner if you would like to join me. Maybe I can even make your boss happy. You can deliver a successful deal." "That sounds great" I smile and stand. The target leads me over to his table and on the way I catch a glimpse of Hunter white knuckling a glass. "Udesii (easy) Sarge, you break that glass it'll draw attention" I say under my breath. I don't catch the response I get because the target turns to me "everything okay?" "Oh yeah, everything is great! I just remembered I left my glass at the bar. Guess we'll have to order more drinks" I wink at him, pouring it on. "Great idea" he lets me slide into the booth first before sliding in next to me.

A waiter comes over and he orders us something from the top shelf. He then turns his attention to me. He flirts with me for some time, hands roaming, before talking business. "You know so much about me why don't you tell me a little more about you? What kind of operation do you run?" I ask placing a hand over his arm resting on the table. "I pride myself on running a clean operation. We run just about anything you can imagine. Which makes me quite a wealthy man" his arrogance is enough to make me want to gag. Instead, I put on another devilish smile, "I guess that makes me one lucky girl then huh? I'd love to make a deal. Maybe even check out the competition...if you will."

He smirks and leans in "I think we can arrange something." I lean in a little further teasing the man "How about right now?" I then hear glass breaking and glance over to see Hunter is gone but there's a broken glass with blood on it where he sat. I start to worry when my com is radio silent - hopefully they just switched channels? I look at the target and bat my eyelashes "Time to go?"

Our target gets up front he table and offers me his hand. Taking it, he leads me out of the bar and to a speeder on the street. He opens the door for me and I get in with him following suit. "Take us to the office" he tells the driver. "Right away sir." I act like I'm fiddling with my hair but in reality I'm using a series of taps to see if my com channel is working. "I read you y/n" - thank Maker, it's Tech. "Apologies Hunter had to step out but both he and Echo should be tailing you." I relax a little at his statement - of course it's not that I couldn't get myself out of this...but just in case. "The city is beautiful isn't it?" The target breaks the silence. "Some would say the same about Coruscant." He chuckles "Beautiful on the surface but ugly down below."

Before I know it we are pulling into some back alley of what looks like a factory of some kind. We get out and I hesitate to go inside. “The factory is just a front to what we really do here. No one suspects smugglers when there’s large cargo speeders day in, day out.” “Fair enough” I say before following him inside. He leans me into a room at the back of the factory which appears to be manufacturing droid parts of some kind. He flips the light on to the office and holding the door so I enter first. “Nice office” I say taking a look around.

Suddenly I’m being spun around and our target is placing his lips on mine. I push him off me “A little forward are we? I thought we came to make a business deal.” “I thought we could do a little something else first….” He goes to lean in but I get out of his grip. He grabs my wrist hard, pulling me back towards him. Kicking him between the legs, he hits the floor and I head out the door. Just then someone comes up behind me, grabs me and drags me back into the office. “I don’t think so…” I can feel the targets hot breath on the back of my neck. He gets me back into his office and sits me on his desk running a hand up my tight while the other is holding me in place with my hair. I struggle against his grip. “What do we have here?” He notices the comm in my ear and pulls it out. “Spying on me are we?” He puts a hand to my throat and squeezes. “Do you know what I do to people who cross me?” My vision starts to blur and I try to reach for my vibroblade under my dress.

The door flys open and I hear a familiar voice “Let her go.” The target does as he’s asked and lets go of me. I hit the floor gasping for air. Thinking quickly I grab my blade and stick it in the back of our targets thigh. He yelps in pain and falls to his knees. I stand up and approach him “better luck next time” I hiss. He grabs the blade from his thigh and before he can make another move theres a blaster shot through his chest.

Spinning around I see Hunter standing there with a look on his face I’ve never seen before. Anger? That doesn’t even begin to describe it. His steady hand pointing his smoking blaster at the target. He slowly lowers it to his side and I notice his hand dripping blood. “Your hand” I point out. “Mmm fine” he snaps. Before turning and heading out the door. Echo catches up with us shorty after “Everything alright?” He asks glancing between me and Hunter. “The target is dead. He attacked me and Hunter shot him.” Once again he glances between me and Hunter. “Tech, Wrecker. We are on our way back to the ship” Hunter coms the others. I shrug at Echo who looks concerned. The three of us make our way back to the Marauder in complete silence.

“What’s up with him?” Echo asks gesturing to Hunter. “I have no idea” I shrug. “He won’t let Tech or I look at his hand. You need to get him to let someone clean it.” Sighing I get up and head towards the cockpit. “Hey Tech, Echo needs your help with something really quick. He wanted me to come get you.” “Oh, alright. Thanks y/n.” Tech heads towards the back of the ship and I take his spot. “Alright what’s going on with you?” I ask playing with my dress. He doesn’t take his eyes off hyperspace and grunts.

“Hunter talk to me. You need to get your hand cleaned up. You’re leaving blood everywhere.” He still ignores me. Huffing out a sigh, I stand and spin his chair so he has no choice but to look at me. “Hunter” I say more sternly. His eyes meet mine and what I see in his eyes scares me a little. “What’s going on with you? Please talk to me.” He’s gaze doesn’t change, eyes fixed on mine. Crouching down, I take his injured hand in mine and turn it over. He’s got a deep cut in it, likely from the glass he broke at the bar. “You need stitches Cyare (beloved).” I slowly look up from his hand and meet his eyes. This time they are a little softer but I notice he’s breathing heavily. “Let me get the kit. I’ll be right back.” I leave him and go to grab the first aid kit we keep on the Marauder.

When I get back Hunter is exactly where I left him staring at his hand. I quietly get to work cleaning it, knowing he’s pissed about something. “I’m going to stitch it up. It’s probably going to hurt.” He doesn’t respond so I get to work. He hisses at the first few but grows quiet again. When I’m done I start to wrap his hand and he finally speaks, “Didn’t like how he was all over you.” His statement shocks me at first. “Hunter it was just a mission. It’s over now.” “Look at what he almost did to you.” “Yeah but you got there just in time—“ “But what if we hadn’t? What was I supposed to do if he hurt you?”

Suddenly I feel like a di’kut (fool). I finish wrapping his hand in silence, packing up the kit, and push it off to the side. He spins back around to face the window in his chair. I walk over and sit myself in his lap. Naturally one hand wraps around my waist, “Cyare (beloved)….” His eyes are glued to space again. Sliding my hand up his chest onto his tattooed cheek I turn his head to he’s looking at me. “Cyare (beloved), I know you would never let anything happen to me. You also need to trust that I’m a capable fighter.” His brown eyes look deep into mine and I can see right through him - his need to protect the ones who are closest to him, so painfully strong, he blames himself if anything happens.

“Don’t tell me you were jealous” I tease. His facial expression changes to an annoyed one, telling me he was. “Hunter I never would have done anything with him even for a mission. I reserve that for you and you only.” Running my thumb over his cheek bone he leans into my touch, eyes locked on mine. I place a gently kiss on his forehead “When we get back to Ord Mantell, I’ll show you just how much I mean that.” There’s a fire in his eyes and I can practically see the lust dripping from them.

A smirk makes it’s way across his face and he tips his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. “Ni kar’tayli gar darasuum (I love you or I will know you forever. Heartfelt and deep.)” I whisper. His eyes open and a hand finds it way to me cheek, “Ni kar’tayli gar darasuum” he repeats back to me. I lean in and kiss him, to which he deepens. We break, both panting heavily. “Too bad the others are here….” I tease. “Yeah too bad” he chuckles. I glance back to see the others engaged in conversation. Turning my attention back to Hunter I slowly slide a hand down his chest making my way down to his lap “I promise I’ll make it up to you” I whisper in his ear before kissing his neck. He grunts softly and I chuckle “Easy there Sarge, save some for later” I tease before getting up to change out of my dress, leaving Hunter in complete distress.

[daisywords]

Just finished North Woods by Daniel Mason in an effort to diversify my reading a little bit (and on a rec from a friend who only read litfic) and like. It was fine. The prose was very nice, and some of the characters were intriguing. I just kept hoping that it would all come together more interestingly and satisfying in the end. And then it was...fine.

I'm discovering that as a rule I personally tend to be unimpressed with the kind of novel that's really just a short story collection or a few novellas masquerading as a novel. To me it seems they are always desperately reaching to be greater than the sum of their parts, and they always fail.

Not that books like this can't be good (I liked Cloud Cuckoo Land okay*) but I don't tend to find that the loose connections between narratives really add that much. Like sure, that's a way to explore themes across narratives in a way that you might not be able to do with a more insular story. But I guess I find myself more uncharitable than other people I know with the whole "oooh and the storylines were all connected!" like yeah I know. because the author made them all up and made them connected. Which like, yeah, that's how all fiction works, but like. "They're all connected" isn't enough. They're all connected and therefore What?

Not that books like this don't usually have a "therefore What" in mind, but I have yet to read one that I feel actually accomplishes this as well as it ought, since that's usually their whole Thing™

Something that North Woods did do particularly well with its multiple narratives, in my opinion, is the variety of voice and tone that really embodied various distinct characters and writing styles in a way that felt natural and true to the different formats while still remaining engaging. That's one of the things that was enough to keep me reading to the end, and it's pretty impressive in its own right.

But as I went on, I was only really reading to finish, and then the big finish was. well. spoiler alert but they're all ghosts together I guess. so.

Okay so we just kind of stomped on some of the creepy and subtle ambiguity that lent a lot of charm and interest to the various stories by just completely ripping aside the veil, as it were. That's not an inherently bad choice depending on where we're going with this, but I guess nowhere is where we're going now that we're here. Why demystify your mystery if you're only going to make it boring and not really reveal anything new?

And the whole time I was waiting for what the whole thing with the panther was going to lead up to. Yes, there are two times where a (the?) panther explicitly comes into play, but the other mentions of it are woven so subtly and exquisitely throughout that for a while I thought that was the main throughline we were following, just as much as the house/woods. It's even on the cover! And for what? That it was there throughout? for What????? the vibes??

In the unlikely event that someone who sees this post has actually read this book, maybe you're going to be like "daisy, that's because you are stupid and don't have reading comprehension and are missing the obvious" okay great well then tell me. I am genuinely asking.

But also I do have to say skimming the goodreads reviews there is a lot of "it has themes of connection because the stories are all connected. this is very profound and also impressive"

And also! I'm going to say it! Some of the storylines are kind of shallow and melodramatic! This could have been interesting if we actually delved into the character more instead of just kind of skimming through their life story, hoping that the combined weight of the other interesting-enough pieces will sink the surface-level stuff into some level of profundity. Very pretty nature writing, though.

Anyway I don't feel bad being uncharitable to this book because I'm pretty sure it's a pulitzer candidate or something and has plenty of good reviews. (And there are a lot of good things about it!) Mostly I'm using it as a poster child for its structure, because the whole loosely-connected-narratives-across-history/place thing I feel like keeps cropping up in the kind of books that my mom's book club reads and that people say are really good but don't really do it for me. (And I feel like this style of book is getting more popular? maybe that's just me?)

Anyway if you're still reading: do you tend to like these types of books? why or why not?

*Cloud Cuckoo Land in my opinion was weakest when it tried to sell us on the connecting threads as well, but that's an idea for another post

[neonacity]

ive been using tumblr on and off for years reading fics for different kpop fandoms and enjoying the content, but lately ive gotten so bored.

i noticed the same tropes repeating themselves for different idols with the same repetitive storyline and predictable ending. and these type of fics are so popular which makes the algorithm push them in your face even more😭😭

but writers are allowed to write what they want to write and readers are allowed to support and read what they want to read and i stand by that, but at the same time its hard to find something other than the 10-15 tropes ive read like 30 times before -each😭😭-

and like i said i use tumblr on and off so i dont really dig -that- deep for fanfics + the tumblr algorithm makes finding what i want 10x harder so im just bombarded with the same stuff i read like tons of times before in the form of a fanfic for a another idol

so when i found lucid and arcane it would be an understatement to say i was so so pleasantly surprised 🥺🥺🥺 your work is so original and i can confidently say i haven’t found anything like it on tumblr, you’re so talented and your ideas + storytelling are literally the best ive found on this app so far

it would be such a shame if you didn’t continue arcane, its such a good story and its idea is so original and unique, leaving it unfinished is such a waste.

Hello! First of all, thank you so much for sending this. I almost did not want to answer it because I want to keep it in my inbox and reread it every time I need inspiration. I want to share my thoughts with you though.

I know that there are certain tropes that work well here and I completely understand their popularity. Some people just prefer a certain genre and storyline and I myself are a silent enjoyer of them too.

I do know that my fics mostly are not a common preference of some and I am honestly okay with that. It is simply a style that I am comfortable writing and I'm happy to stick with it.

On the other hand, I will be lying if I say that interactions do not have an impact on my work. As someone with a fulltime job and other adulting responsibilities, writing a full chapter means I will have to spend many hours of my limited personal time for a fic. Now, imagine doing that and having little engagement–you can't even be sure if there are still people reading.

I wish I could be the same like before and say engagement doesn't matter as long as you love what you are doing, but it does. This is why I want to thank you for sharing this with me because even something simple as this can make a creator's resolve.

Thank you for supporting Lucid and Arcane!

[alltimefail-sims]

I dont want to sound rude but I wish youd stick to 1 project. I followed months ago and u seem to work on a lot of different things

This ask is over three weeks old; sorry to the sender that I've just gotten around to answering it.

First and foremost: I'm going to spin this a positive way and say thank you for being interested enough in one of my projects to follow me and inquire about my posting timeline. There are a handful of stories on simblr that I read and personally adore, so it's flattering.

With that being said, this is my hobby. I think of myself as a storyteller first, and I hope everyone who follows me can enjoy and value that enough to look past little editing errors and random (or slow) rollouts. It's kind of crazy to even be getting an ask like this because I do have a good amount of followers (thank you if you follow me, that's awesome), but there are MANY blogs that have a way larger following than me and I cringe when I think of one of them receiving a message like this. Good content takes time. If we're being honest, even subpar content takes time honestly lmao. I think everyone on here is sharing their sims and their stories for the love of it, for a creative outlet/stress relief, and/or for community engagement. Adding a timeline to something like that feels kind of unnecessary, imo. Plus, with the new pack coming and the infant update, I've been wary to go into any of my important saves. I can't afford to lose anything or have anything corrupted, and I'm not going to dive into anything when I know the game is about to undergo a massive amount of updates (and I'm going to have to wait on lots of mod and cc batch fixes most likely anyway).

Since we have opened this dialogue, in the spirit of honesty I want to add that this does kind of sound rude. We both know someone would never ask this off anon. It's just a peculiar demand to make of someone you don't know, and that's probably why you chose to approach this topic with anonymity, right?

Although, I will admit this ask poses a fair assessment: I absolutely do work on other things, whatever I feel like working on in the moment! I get new ideas every day. I'm sure I am not the only blog operating this way? When I really care about something though (like my Strangerville story, for example) I am extra meticulous about it. I'm not going to put out a story I love and am proud of in a half-assed way. I have a lot of learning, world building, and writing to do before that's even remotely ready to roll out. But I am doing my best, and I've shared details throughout the process because I'm excited about it. On the other hand, there are some projects I might try out but they just don't work. For instance, I hated doing the Bachelorette Challenge. It was extremely boring to me, and as much as I LOVE when other people do them, nothing exciting was coming of mine. I feel bad about that a little because I got some wonderful submissions, but this is my blog and I'm going to give myself permission (as everyone should) to only do what brings me joy or what I feel is worth my time. I haven't fully canceled it, but it's on the edge of the chopping block for sure. It's just not my thing, and that's okay. This is a hobby, and I want to spend my time on projects I love. I know follower count is always a big discussion on simblr for some reason, but that's not really why I'm here and I don't feel it is fair of followers to demand one type of content just because they followed for a specific reason.

Sooooo TLDR, I have to keep running my blog the way that works for me. I'm going to work on things as I want to and as inspiration strikes (that might mean I'm working on 5 WIPS at a time). I don't need a perhaps well-intended but nonetheless unnecessary performance review. I do appreciate you giving me an opportunity to explain this, and I ask for opinions frequently, so feel free to share them when that time comes. ❤

[indestructibleheart]

WIP Wednesday

I was tagged by @lilythesilly. There was some (very delightful) interest in my “fuck you, patrick (affectionate)” concept, so here’s a piece of how that starts off:

BEEP.

“Hi, Patrick. It’s your mother. Where are you? I know you said you need to figure some things out, but I haven’t heard from you in a few days and I’m starting to… Just let me know you’re okay. I love you, my sweet boy.” BEEP. “Patty, it’s me. I really think we should talk about this. Can you call me back? Please? I love you.” BEEP.

“Hey, son. It’s your dad. Call your mom back, would ya? She’s worried about you. We all are. Love you, kiddo.” BEEP.

“Patrick, it’s Rachel again. I don’t know where you’re staying, so I brought the ring and a couple things you forgot at the apartment to your mom. She says she hasn’t heard from you either. You don’t have to talk to me, fine, whatever, but at least call your parents. … I hope you’re okay.”

BEEP.

__________________

Patrick slaps his hand onto the nightstand, feeling aimlessly for his ringing phone without lifting his head from the pillow. He finds it eventually, scraping it messily across the wood onto the bed, and taps the ‘ignore’ button at least two more times than strictly necessary. It’s not like him, he knows, but the thought of facing his latest failure just makes his stomach churn… and that’s why he’s burrowed into an uncomfortable bed at a roadside motel, somewhere outside a town called Thornbridge. 

Two days ago, he’d detonated several well-placed bombs in his personal life and blown nearly everything that he’d been comfortably living with for years now to smithereens. He’d quit his boring (but stable) job, packed up his things, broken off his engagement with his high school sweetheart, and driven away from the only town he’s ever known. It’s the most reckless thing he’s ever done — finally topping the horrible decision to propose in the first place — which leaves Patrick oscillating between feeling free and like the worst person who’d ever lived.

“I can’t marry you, Rach. It doesn’t feel right. I don’t… feel right.”

“What does that even mean, Patrick?”

“It means I need some time. To figure myself out. I need some time alone.”

What he needs is a plan.

He needs to pick himself up from this pathetic little spiral and come up with a plan.

He also needs to call his mom.

But he doesn’t want to call her back until he has a plan because he needs to have something positive to tell her when he drops the final bomb: he’s not coming back. Not anytime soon, anyway. (Maybe never.)

“I’m sorry, Rachel. I really am. You deserve better.”

Patrick has always been a take-charge kind of guy. In some ways, he thinks that’s how he got himself into this mess in the first place. Because he’s spent so much time bending himself into different shapes, trying to fit into the spaces carved for him by others — a Brewer man, a future husband, the responsible friend. Until now, it’d never occurred to him to carve his own space. And the problem is, his limbs have become so mangled in the game of Twister he’s been playing with himself, Patrick doesn’t know what his natural shape is anymore. 

If he wants to figure that out, he needs to start over.

And he needs to do it alone.

[hideyseek]

11.11.2022

feeling shockingly good about the writing for today?????? much more exploratory than previous days (which felt more like i was just writing my way down a list of goals for a scene) … not super sure what to make of it. gently full of doubt of my skills as a direct result but also reminding myself HOW I FEEL ABOUT HOW IT IS GOING HAS LITTLE TO ABSOLUTELY NO RELATION TO HOW IT IS ACTUALLY GOING this is just a RULE THAT IS TRUE ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE WITH WRITING

but also this hmm sandboxed exploratory stuff feels … easier?? but i also worry it’s boring, like i’m just throwing random info in there, what if it’s jarring or irrelevant and i just can’t tell. (THEN ONE OF MY SMART AND BELOVED BETAS WILL CATCH IT OR THERE WILL BE SOME FLAWS IN THIS FAN FICTION THAT I AM WRITING FOR FUN WITH LIMITED PROFESSIONAL WRITING TRAINING THAT I AM PUTTING ONLINE FOR FREE SO WHO CARES what does a perfect fic even look LIKE hidey calm DOWN about this!!) anyway, idk what makes a piece of writing boring vs engaging, i have no idea how to tell if what i’m writing is going to be engaging but i am also reminding myself THAT IS NOT IN SCOPE FOR THE FIRST DRAFT. IT WILL BE HANDLED IN REVISIONS. THAT’S WHY WE HAVE REVISIONS!

in other news today i felt relief of having to write a second draft of this for the first time. not sure what to make of that either. after the first burst of writing, i kinda felt like nothing i wrote connected to anything else i’d written, but then i went back and just idk … like added some sentences to putty over the problems and it seemed to go okay??????? idk i also broke my role of DO NOT FUCKING REREAD ANY PREVIOUS DAY’S WRITING and looked at the most recent day’s writing, and like, it was fine? it wasn’t mindblowing (reminding myself that THAT IS NORMAL AND FINE FOR A FIRST DRAFT OR EVEN A FINAL DRAFT!) but idk it seemed coherent? well. it seemed fine? like it was sentences and nothing was actively wrong with them that i could tell, so yeah maybe it’s fine, who knows, what a fucking hobby what if my characterization is completely off i have no idea what happens in canon anymore—! which is also FINE this is a FAN FICTION i am MERELY MICROWAVING SOME GUY UNTIL HE IS MISERABLE who cares if the narrative is perfectly tightly woven or if everything is relevant and moving!!!! (ME UNFORTUNATELY but NOT IN THIS DRAFT!)

ok goodnight good lord why does this fic is so much cooler in my head and then on the google doc its just some regular sentences??? grrrrr how do i give someone a tummyache from reading ittttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!! but also like god could i finish one fucking draft of it first goodnight i am. incoherent

[abomination-catboy]

FINAL FANTASY XIV: STORMBLOOD The Abomination Review, Part 1

Okay, so here's something entirely unnecessary; a review of an MMORPG expansion that came out six years ago. Hooray!

A little bit of background; I've been slowly making my way through the FFXIV expansions, in fact very VERY slowly because my attention is being pulled in 20 different directions at any given time and this game is so very, very long. I share a Discord server with some good friends and there's a section for all things FFXIV, and opinions on Stormblood are probably some of the most divisive I have encountered so far. One friend, who we'll refer to as J, really didn't fancy it at all, whereas another friend, S, enjoyed it and thought it would be, I quote 'exactly your kind of bullshit'.

So now that I've finished Stormblood and have started engaging in horrors such as 'cartoon chocobo drags party to Computer Hell Fightclub' and 'a raid with FREAKIN' MATH in it' everyone wants to know what I thought of Stormblood. So naturally, I did the normal person thing and created a blog to write the review up on in detail. LET'S GO~

It's been ages since I actually started Stormblood, so some of my recollections will likely be off. Hopefully this will just add humour, as I don't really mind myself and will not be making corrective edits :^)

I am not American, so neither is my spelling.

Spoilers for FFXIV ARR, HW and SB and related patch content, obviously.

Introduction: Welcome to Ala Mhigo

After briefly being reminded of the overarching plot of the whole game and following the trauma of watching Papalymo explode, we're thrown into another 40-hour long sidequest as Omega Weapon ker-chunks over the wall into Ala Mhigo and Lyse-Not-Yda-in-Fact suggests this is the perfect opportunity to help her people fight back against the Garlean Empire and end the war. Cool. Cool cool cool.

This is your Warrior of Light for the trip, Yhen'a Astolya. Both he and his sparrowhawk are a little unimpressed that 'get the Weapon' has turned into 'save entire nation from a 10+ year imperial occupation', but at this point that's just #WarriorofLightThings so he's resigned to his fate. At least he's cute. None of his outfits suit his personality because the character I re-made him from liked to show off his assets if you catch my drift and I'm yet to change many of the glams but. You'll see.

So anyway, Gyr Abania. What a shithole. NO REALLY SSHH The fist map is really kinda boring, and I get why; it's hard to make a desert map too interesting while still retaining the classification of desert. And here we have a whole nation that is in mostly desert. For what it's worth I think Square did a great job with their concept, but I can't help but wonder what Garlemald saw in taking this land over. I know, I know, they think they're doing us all a favour by bringing enlightenment to the savage heathens, blablabla, like any ol' antagonistic empire. Sure. But usually that's a leading reason with other factors, you know, and things like resources and land position are taken into account. I guess it's a great and easy way to send invasion forces through to the rest of Eorzea, but what else was there?

See, other people on google wanted to know too!

The internet didn't tell me, it just kept trying to give me timelines and essays, but I'm sure I missed the answer in a section of dialogue I skipped or something.

UPDATE: I said I wouldn't do these but to avoid Experts coming in to school me, another friend of mine we'll call A has said the Garleans went through Gyr Abania cause it was the only way to get to Eorzea. And their aerial invasion failed pre 1.0, which is not content I've played. They don't have a navy, b/c they're landlocked, but they made this amazing big 'unsinkable' airship that was supposed to be able to single-handedly conquer the whole world, then Midgardsormr (or as A refers to him, Dragon Daddy) said no, and destroyed it.

Anyway.

So Lyse leads us to Rhalgr's Reach after a pretty harrowing side-quest concerning an abandoned town that was used by the Garleans to experiment with some kind of magical plant plague, which was honestly kind of interesting. The Garleans suck, man.

Rhalgr's Reach is gorgeous, a nice breathe from the drab map between Baelsar's Wall and it, but first a note on the music so far.

I enjoy the new battle music well enough; it's a mix between cowboy movie rifts and traditional eastern music that somehow really works, and also makes me feel a bit like Indiana Jones, but I'm not a fan of the national anthem of Ala Mhigo following me everywhere in different forms on the map. It's okay if it's a quiet refrain version, but when the bombastic brass comes into it, it just turns me off the flavour of the game entirely. I don't think this was intentional, its just a very nationalistic approach, which is all well and good for a story about a resistance who are clearly very patriotic trying to fight off invaders and its absolutely being used in good faith, but any band of patriotism is always a bit much for me so I played a lot of this expansion in Ala Mhihgo areas with the music turned down.

So we're trying to form an alliance, and getting resistance from the usual suspects. We get re-introduced to Arenvald around this time too, who is one of my favourite tropes of 'strong man softboi' so I take to him instantly. There's a few little battles and skirmishes, and Lyse is feeling pretty g about our ragtag little Alliance before things, as they do, go pear-shaped.

Enter Imperial Viceroy Zenos yae Galvus, otherwise known as 'golf douche'.

I cannot take credit for this amazing and hilariously accurate nickname. That would go to J. Leading up to this moment they were all 'have you met him yet, have you met golf-douche?' which honestly gave him an air of mystery he entirely did not deserve.

(seriously, I'm a cat-dad and Zenos has maybe two facial expressions, this one being his 'head empty no thoughts (but murder)' one, but the fangirls think he has a rich inner world. Nobody who owns a cat sees this face and thinks that.)

People seem to love Zenos online, and I can only assume it's because he's both pretty and disturbed; that Discount-Sephiroth face and hair, with hips and thighs so thick he probably cracks Ala Mhigan skulls between them, plus he waxes poetical about murder. You know, all the things the straight whyte girls who write yaoi love in a top.

Anyway, he's a bit of a fuckwit, and he has a fuckwit golf-caddy that he carries his extra swords in (sword-caddy?) thus the nickname, so it was a little embarrassing getting absolutely reamed by him. I was on Dark Knight too, so like, let's be real Squeenix, I would have won on sheer endurance AND edge if it hadn't been one of your fun 'you can't win this battle but have it anyway for dramatic storytelling purposes' moments that we all k̙n̘̝̻o͖̙̺̣w̷̫̞̤ ̮̙̤̝a̡̤̠ͅn͓̲̩̱͕d̷ ̦ͅͅl̶̺̪̟͚̼̣̞o̶͖̪v̘̜͎ͅè̥̮͎̘.

Our party decides that because golf-douche almost murderised all of us in one fell swoop and Lyse is still feeling pretty sensitive about the whole Papalymo thing, the best option is to travel to an entirely different and very far away nation, and help them defeat the Garlean occupation there so that a) the Garlean's and hopefully golf-douche will be distracted fighting a war on two fronts, and b) the other nation will then feel indebted to us and obligated (or strong-armed? They never quite clarify) to come help fight the Garleans in Ala Mhigo.

I am instantly a bit uncomfortable about this. It's presented both in a way that makes it seem like we're trying to do good by two nations rather than just one, but also very coldly as if we're playing war to suite our own overarching agenda, which will then force these people who have been terrorised and occupied for over a decade, to come fight another war they have less (if no) stake in.

I suppose 'the fate of the entire world and the Crystal Mother Lady' is a pretty good excuse when it comes down to it, but there's still a vibe of 'end justifies the means, and because our quest is an honorable one we'll make these tough decisions for people' vibe that just doesn't sit too right with me. These nations being freed from Garlean rule isn't the goal here, it's just a favourable side-effect of our actual plan. This feeling does lessen a little later when it's made more obvious that the whole team is very invested in helping out Ala Mhigo and Doma and it's more that we have to prove to the Alliance that it's a worth-while investment in a colder way. But towards the start, yea, felt weird.

Oh, and we met the Angy One! She's a great character, one of my fav antagonists in the expansion actually. But you don't know that yet at this point of the game, she's just a nation-traitor everyone hates, and for good reason. Actually, nobody really likes her, not even on her team, but she keeps going on ahead anyway.

Gaslight gatekeep girlboss~

I do also feel like we're leaving Ala Mhigo way too soon, before I really had a chance to become invested in it, you don't even get to finish the first map (The Fringes) and this isn't helped by the Doman leg of the game being by far more visually interesting and narratively compelling, but we'll get to that next time, in part two.

So far, a little underwhelming. Pros:

Learning more about Lyse's character, actually quite like getting to know her.

The battle music

Rhalgr's Reach design is pretty stunning

Good location names

The Hidden truth > Drawing a Blank questline

And a bit of a longer list, Cons:

The 'national anthem-esque' music

The Fringes is a boring map in visual and mechanics design

The story is slow to move

Golf-douche archetype is two-dimensional and ugh

Are we playing games with entire nations just to get to our shiney Omega Boi

Barely in Gyr Abania before being whisked away to a far more interesting area and narrative, as if the game devs didn't believe in it either.

Where the fuck are my aether currents let me fly you asshats

Entirely not ghey enough

I'll give this first length of the game a 2½/5. Until next time folks, unless the hyperfocus whisks me off forever.

[froshele]

so okay tumblr hello hi, I have some questions.

i grew up hasidic (and i will not post at length about that here its really boring i was just like ciao peaches im off to be evil) so basically my young exposure to fandom culture occurred surreptitiously at first, in small doses of lurking, separately from my public life and way later than everyone else's

as such from that position i would like to ask: hey guys, what the fuck? like really what the fuck is the deal with this one thing I'm about to elaborate on?

i do not believe there is actually an age limit on fandom, and my cries to the effect of "sweet beer battered LORD man you're an adult, do something OTHER than Scrimmy Bingus with your life" are not about fandom being unsuitable for like, non-minors and non-youth inherently

but they Are post-ironic desperate wails over the fact that i keep seeing adult ass mfs get into screaming matches online like their real life human dignity depends on it with people half their age, and they're always on about how having xyz take about new seasons of Blorbo in Ababa-badabaworld makes people incorrigibly evil, and they feel attacked by this specific guy shipping ShlorbMorb for intersectional reasons or whatever

like gvalt you've got bills to pay surely it would save you mad amounts energy to be normal about your interests, on the internet in public no less? in front of the younger generation learning from you? no? no? anybody?

so the crux of this question is, what is actually the hedonic benefit of engaging in The Discourse in the way people seem to? I don't mean legitimate media analysis and I'm not a purist about the form or places it takes place in (any time is a good time! my little pony has extremely disturbing class and racial implications), but why do some people make it so aggressively personal with zero or almost zero anonymity?

is there not enough oppression in real life? what on earth is achieved by sending tingy911 venomous messages because chombo777 said they were mean, or going from "agreeing with tumblrsexissimo can mean agreeing with some pretty antisocial things and there is merit in discussing what resonates with people about him" to "tumblrsexissimo enjoyers are all alts of the Grand Wizard"?

Are there not, finally, more productive uses of outrage than screaming at random people online who aren't and don't really want to be on the same page as you? like voting or something? attending a town hall meeting? volunteering to reduce the impact of living in a food desert? Not putting yourself in situations that do nothing but generate outrage passively in the first place?

I may or may not sound insane and boomery here but I am genuinely asking because I do not understand what fuels this psychologically, and would like to, so that I could maybe be normal and helpful about it myself

[sunatooru]

hi hello can i request a scenario/drabble for tsukishima, kuroo, oikawa, and akaashi with a fem!so who fainted during their heated argument? their argument would be about s/o being clingy and needy, and always talking and being noisy; turns out the reason she fainted was because of the fever she had early in the morning but didn't tell them about it in order not to be a 'bother' or 'nuisance'... then her fever got really worse during the argument and faints. *cue their boyfriends feeling like shit for all the rude things they said*

i am in need of some angst🪆

Sorry it took so long (I’ve had this since March 😭) but I hope it fills your angst need x

~

Warning: angst/comfort, gn!Reader, post Timeskip spoilers …are they dramatic?Yes

~

Tsukishima

It was rare you got to spend time with your boyfriend. Especially as he juggled working and playing volleyball. You wouldn’t miss the chance to be with him for a whole day, even if you woke up feeling like your head was being hammered.

You stayed wrapped around his arm, happily joining him on the sofa. You move to wrap your arms around his torso but he pushes your attempt away. You blink at him in confusion and try again, but fail when he stops you once more.

“Keiii, I want to cuddle..” you pout and he scoffs.

“What’s wrong with you? I finally get a day to relax and instead, I have you clinging to me and being annoying.” He glares at you, making you pull back and your throat tighten.

“I-“ you get cut off

“You what? You’re always trying to push yourself on me. It’s suffocating!” He gets up and walks towards the bedroom, you hot on his heels.

“Kei, can you please be a little quieter? All I want is to spend some time with you…you’re always so busy…” you defend but he kisses his teeth.

“Exactly. I’m always busy, so can you just let me chill out? I don’t need you whining in my ear and having you on me all the time! God, it’s like you need to annoy me!” He shouts at you.

You swallow harshly. Your chest feeling tight as his words ring in your ear. Your head pounding as you feel yourself heat up.

“Kei…I-I don’t…” you try to reach for him but he moves.

“Did you not just hear what I s- hey..hey!” You feel yourself lean forward as your eyes close.

You wake up when you feel something cool on your forehead, opening your eyes slowly to see Kei next to you.

“Kei…”

“Are you okay? You just fainted out of nowhere…why…and I said all those thing-“ you grab his hand.

“I wasn’t feeling well in the morning…I tried to push it away to spend time with you…” he looks at you guiltily, sighing and cupping your hands.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said. You’re not suffocating…everyday I come home, I can’t wait to see you. I don’t know why I said that…I’ve just been so overwhelmed and I took it out on you. I’m sorry baby. ” He confesses.

“I love you so much…I don’t even deserve you.” He whispers, biting his tongue as he looks at you.

“Hmm, I love you too…it’s okay. Can you just hold me, please.” You give him a small smile and he wraps you around him.

Kuroo

It’s that time of year where deadlines need to be met. You watch him scribble on papers and pull at his hair. You could see how tense he was and decided to bring him something hot to sip on.

“Tetsu, you need a break.” You slowly make your way into the room, carrying a hot mug and small snack.

“Can’t. Got to finish finalising the contract.” He informs, crossing out lines and writing again.

You huff and approach him, struggling to find a place to set the tray due to his messy desk.

“Come on. You need to atleast drink something, you’ve been at it for hours now. “ you press, causing him to clench his jaw.

He slams his pen against the desk, startling you before he faces you.

“I just said I need to finish this contract. Of course I’ve been working on it for hours. It’s important. You’ve been coming in and out of the room and disturbing me! I’m busy trying to do my job and you can’t even leave me alone for a few hours? Stop being so clingy all the time!” He fumes, eyes glaring at you as he starts to stand up.

You feel you mouth go dry as his words echo, your vision starting to fade as he finally stands, a rush taking over that you drop the tray. A loud smash of the mug rings in your ear.

“Are you serious- babe! What’s- babe!” Is the last thing you hear before your vision goes black.

You stir when you feel movement besides you. Slowly opening your eyes to see his leg bouncing nervously. He notices you looking and instantly grabs your hand.

“Have you not been eating? Were you waiting for me? Fuck! You fainted, I- what happened?” He rambles, eyes filled with regret.

“I felt a fever in the morning but I didn’t want to tell you because I knew how important your contract was.” You mumble, avoiding his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, babe. I was so stressed and occupied with the deal that I forgot about you and said so many regrettable things. Please, I didn’t mean anything I said. You’re not clingy. I love that you’re always watching over me. I promise, I’ll take more care. Of you and me.” He apologises, bring your hand up to kiss it.

“Here drink this.” He hands you a mug, your eyes widening as your remember the one you dropped.

“I cleaned it, don’t worry. I’m sorry. Let’s just get you feeling better, okay. The contract can wait. You’re more important.” You give him a small smile and nod.

He stays besides you until you persuade him you’re better. He kisses and hugs you until you’re both laughing like before.

Oikawa

You always told each other where you were going before leaving. It was something you did for safety. Yet, recently he’d been leaving before you wake up and coming home late. You reasoned it was probably for the upcoming game. The game that would makes his dream come true. But it did hurt that that one routine had started to break.

You had woken up to your head pounding. Your body feeling hotter than usual and the bed empty for another morning. You attempt to shake it off and go on with the day.

You’re surprised when the door open around midday and see Tooru drop his bag.

“Tooru! You’re home!” You run up to hug him but he stops you.

“Sorry, I’m just really sweaty right now.” He kisses your forehead and runs towards the bathroom.

You smile to yourself, quickly fixing lunch, in hopes you would both enjoy together. But instead, you hear him run down and reach for the door again.

“Tooru, where are you going?” You stop him, confusion on your face.

“Ah I just need to go out again. You know the game and practice.” He states grabbing his bag.

“But you just got home. Look, I made you lunch too. You can practice tomorrow. I barely see you recently! You don’t even tell when you’re leaving…” you shout.

“No! I need to go. I need to practice more. I can’t be with you all the time, every day. You’re so needy. Can’t you see how important this is for me? What? I can’t even leave my own house without telling you?” He yells in frustration.

“That’s not the problem. You- you’re not even caring about your health. I just want to make sure you’re okay!” You feel yourself burn up again.

You get closer to him, hands shivering as you feel weak.

“Listen I’m going to training! Don’t wait-“ he’s walking out the door but you reach for him, collapsing against his back.

You hear mumbling and groan as you open your eyes.

“Tooru…” you call out and he’s there in a heartbeat.

“Do you know how high your temperature was? You were burning up! And then you fainted and I-I didn’t know what happening and god if anything happened to you I would never forgive myself.” He cries, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“I’m okay..” you whisper but he shakes his head.

“No you’re not. Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?” He says, hurt.

“I don’t want to me a nuisance…and you haven’t really been here so I tried to shake off in the morning.” You reply.

“Since morning… please forgive me, baby. Please. I know I’ve been neglecting you and if I was here then you wouldn’t be feeling like this. I’m sorry for what I said. I know i can’t take it back but I wish I could, because it’s not true. You’re not needy. I’m just an idiot who keeps forgetting to appreciate you. Baby, I’m sorry for hurting you.” He sniffles, sitting next to you and pulling you into him.

“Tooru, you’ll get sick too.” You stress but he holds you tighter.

“Just a few more minutes. I’ve missed you too. I promise I won’t leave you and take care of you. Forever.” He kisses you deeply.

Akaashi

The best way you decided to get rid of the fever you woke up with, was to distract yourself doing anything else. You organised yourself desk, bed and even laundry. You could feel yourself getting warmer again and decide to find your boyfriend.

He’s in his study carefully editing a new clients work. He’s usually calm and collected but he’s been on edge due to the pressure from his boss. You watch him take off his glasses and rub his tired eyes. You sigh and walk in.

“Hi darling!” You say cheerfully, only to get a less enthusiastic response.

“You’ve been stuck to the desk the whole day. Come on, talk to me a bit. Think of it as a little break.” You wrap your arms around him from behind.

“I’m almost done. We can talk after.” He whispers.

“Keijiii, I’m so bored please. Plus you need to take some rest. Let’s just talk about something, like I don’t know, where we should travel to? Or maybe anything interesting that happened at work? Come on, I want to spend time with -“ you’re cut off by his stern voice.

“Gosh, why are you so talkative? I’m trying to focus on something and you keep talking and being noisy after I said we can talk later. It’s like you’re trying to annoy me on purpose!” He scrunches his fists and huffs.

“I-I’m just trying to look out for you. You know you need a break too. Don’t yell at me! Sorry I’m so talkative and trying to engage with my boyfriend, who clearly thinks I’m annoying.” You choke out, feeling a little woozy as you start to leave.

“Love, wait! I didn’t mean it…”

“Whatever…I should’ve just stayed in bed-“ you feel your eyes getting heavy, and your knees feeling weak.

“Y/n!”

You wake up a few minutes later to him wiping your face softly. You try to get up but he stops you.

“Easy, let me help.” You can hear the guilt in his voice as he sets your pillow.

“I’m sorry for shouting at you. I let my frustrations take over and put it on you. I want you to know that, I didn’t mean what I said. I should’ve paid more attention and seen you weren’t feeling well.” He fidgets with his hands, scared to look at you.

“Your words hurt, Keiji. Even if you were frustrated, just please take some breaks. You’re going to burnout if you don’t.” You cup his hands and he finally looks up.

“I know. I know, I’ll do better and listen to you. How do you feel?” He presses his hands to both your foreheads.

“Better now that you’re here.”

[stardustprompts]

bo burnham’s  inside   sentence starters 2.0 +  the inside outtakes change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying tw :  mental health ,  depression , suicidal thoughts ,  nsfw ,  language

‘and so today I’m gonna try just getting up, sitting down, going back to work.’

‘might not help but still it couldn’t hurt.’

‘I’m sorry I was gone.’

‘what the fuck is going on?’

‘I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it.’

‘the world is so fucked up.’

‘I self - reflected and I wanna be an agent of change.’

‘maybe I should just shut the fuck up ....  I’m bored.’

‘should I be joking at a time like this?’

‘that’s the deepest talk we’ve ever had.’

‘it’s similar to a constant state of sleep paralysis.’

‘don’t you know that the world is built with blood! and genocide and exploitation...’

‘don’t burden me with the responsibility of educating you. it’s incredibly exhausting.’

‘this isn’t about you. so either get with it, or get out of the fucking way!’

‘I hope you learned your lesson.’

‘I can’t believe it. it’s been a decade since you’ve been gone.’

‘still figuring out how to keep living without you.’

‘it’s got a little better but it’s still hard.’

‘can any single person shut the fuck up about any single thing for an hour? is that possible?’

‘the coffee is free, just like me. I’m an unpaid intern.’

‘I’m being a little pretentious.’

‘it’s pretty unlikable that I ... that I have this need, this desperate need, to be seen as, uh, intelligent.’

‘it’s a defense mechanism. I’m so worried that criticism will be levied against me that I levy it against myself before anyone else can.’

‘look at where you came from. look at you now.’

‘sexting. it isn’t sex, it’s the next best thing.’

‘we’ll talk dirty like we’re ancient egyptians.’

‘jesus fucking christ, I guess I never learn.’

‘I was a kid who was stuck in his room. there isn’t much more to say about it.’

‘there isn’t much more to say about it.’

‘when you’re a kid and you’re stuck in your room, you’ll do any old shit to get out of it.’

‘you went out to look for a reason to hide again.’

‘now come out with your hands up, we’ve got you surrounded.’

‘isn’t anybody going to hold me accountable?’

‘I tried to hide behind my childhood and that’s not okay. my actions are my own, I won’t explain them away.’

‘and I’m really fucking sorry.’

‘I turn thirty in less than a minute.’

‘I used to wake up with a smile, and go to bed at night with a dream. but now I’m turning thirty.’

‘oh fuck. how am I thirty?’

‘I used to make fun of the boomers. in retrospect, a bit too much.’

‘and now my stupid friends are having stupid children.’

‘I’ll be honest with you, didn’t love it.’

‘we shouldn’t be dead forever, yet. so let’s not, right?’

‘nevermind, I don’t wanna know.’

‘I thought it’d be over by now. but I got awhile to go.’

‘I’m holding the flashlight like a cop. why am I doing that?’

‘are you feeling what I’m feeling? I haven’t had a shower in the last nine days.’

‘staring at the ceiling and waiting for this feeling to go away. but it won’t go away.’

‘well, I feel like shit. feeling like a saggy , massive bag of shit.’

‘my current mental health is rapidly approaching, um. an ATL. which is, uh, an all time low. not ... not atlanta.’

‘I feel okay when I’m asleep.’

‘could I interest you in everything all of the time?’

‘you know, it wasn’t always like this.’

‘and if we stick together, who knows what we’ll do.’

‘it was always the plan, to put the world in your hand.’

‘and that has made me completely freak out.’

‘one should only engage with the outside world as one engages with a coal mine. suit up, gather what is needed, and return to the surface.’

‘in honor of the revolution it’s half - off at the gap.’

‘there it is again. that funny feeling.’

‘hey, what can ya say? we were overdue.’

‘but it’ll be over soon, just wait.’

‘I am not ... well.’

‘don’t be scared. don’t be shy. come on in, the water’s fine.’

‘pray for me.’

‘I got better.’

‘I’ve been hiding from the world and I need to reenter.’

‘you say the whole world’s ending, honey, it already did.’

‘you’re not going to slow it, heaven knows you tried.’

‘so this is how it ends.’

‘I’m slowly losing power.’

‘has it only been an hour? no, that can’t be right.’

‘am I going crazy? would I even know?’

‘oh shit. you’re really joking at a time like this?’

‘it’ll stop any day now.’

the inside outtakes 

‘am I dying? is this real? oh, right, it’s this again.’

‘is it gonna end? when?’ 

‘I’ll bother getting better when I bother getting dressed.’

‘I don’t know what’s happening.’

‘what the fuck is going on?’

‘I wanna be my dad in the 80′s.’

‘if I could be anybody dead or alive, I would want to be my dad in 1985.’

 ‘I just wanna feel good.’ 

‘can you teach me how to feel good?’

‘buy some jeans and find out why jeans are jeans.’

‘maybe i’ll feel better when I go to bed. maybe, but probably not.’

‘if your least favorite word is ‘moist’ and you tell people that ... I hate you.’ 

‘my least favorite word, by the way, is ‘injustice’.’ 

‘just google it. you’re an adult, you can figure it out.’ 

‘you know me and I know you.’ 

‘you’re a psycho. and I don’t want to fight so let’s just drop this, it’s not a big deal.’ 

‘for the record, you own me a dumpling. I mean it, I won’t forget. you owe me a dumpling or a dumpling equivalent.’

‘um, no, fuck that.’ 

‘shit like this brings the movement down.’ 

‘everyone’s a feminist until there is a spider around.’ 

‘I’m trying to make microwave popcorn, in the microwave.’

‘that’s kind of a wide range...’

‘I burnt my fingie...’

‘shit, I burned it.’

‘how’d I miss this button? there’s a button and the button says ‘popcorn’ on the microwave.’

‘I often wish I could just start over.’ 

‘I ain’t afraid of no spider.’ 

‘show yourself! you motherfucker! show yourself!’ 

‘it’s very upsetting that the future is in front of now, do y’know what I mean? like that we have to keep living from now, onward.’ 

‘this isn’t a joke, so don’t joke about it.’ 

‘not ideal, but we’ll make it work.’ 

‘just a little update; time is still ... passing.’ 

‘am I going crazy? maybe, maybe not.’

[acourtofbookishdreams]

Azriel ~ Irresistable*

Azriel x Reader

* = NSFW. EXPLICIT CONTENT.

Summary: Whilst training with Azriel, you make one too many ‘innocent’ mistakes and his resolve wavers with each one until he can’t take it anymore.

Warning: NSFW, forbidden romance, teasing, shitty writing with no sense, out of character azriel, piece of crap - posting anyway aha

Word Count: 2539

"You need to tighten your core" Azriel instructs, voice soft and unjudgemental but aggravating nonetheless.

"I am tightening" I grit from between my teeth, working with all my waning strength on moving along the balance beam.

Azriel and I had been training only for a couple of weeks now after I'd finally decided I wanted to learn how to defend myself or at least be able to hold my own until I could get to safety. However, my insipid mortal reflexes and strength was making it insanely difficult to learn anything.

Considering my being the remaining mortal sister of the Archerons after thankfully being on a short trip to see a friend at the time my other sisters had been kidnapped and turned, it seemed like an even better idea. Especially to my overprotective older sisters. Sometimes, being the only human around definitely sucked and others, like when my sisters got roped into Fae bullshit...it definitely didn't.

It did really suck I wouldn't find a mate, though. That sounded incredibly...convenient.

"You may think you're engaging your core but you're not" Azriel says, moving slightly closer, his shadows surrounding him in the soft dawn light.

"You know what, if this is so easy then-ah!" I squeal as I fall off the beam, stumbling slightly and gripping the beams surface to keep from slipping as my feet land hard on the floor, ground shock reverberating up my legs, "Ugh, this sucks!"

Azriel chuckles softly, "You'll get it."

"It doesn't feel like it" I grumble

Azriel comes up behind me, placing one large hand across my stomach, pushing against it softly, "You need to act as if you're sucking in your stomach, belly button to spine."

I do exactly that, my stomach concaving in, forcing his hand to slip from my stomach and back to his side and Azriel laughs - a big, joyful chuckle, the loudest I'd ever heard from him.

"Was that a laugh?" I smirk, quirking one eyebrow

"I do laugh, you know."

"Not often...and not around me."

"Focus. We're not here to discuss my social habits. Now, I meant internally. It may sound strange but visualise it in your mind and then pull your stomach in and hold it. You'll feel it."

My smirk slips and I nod, focusing. I do as he instructs and though he is right, it does feel strange, I definitely feel it in my stomach, an odd and uncomfortable tightening sensation as if my stomach was benching a weight.

"Ow" I pout, releasing my stomach, "I don't like that"

"You'll get used to it" Azriel smiles, "Now, come on, back up on the beam and try again"

"Will you catch me if I fall?" I tease, my smirk returning. Though he may be over 200 years older than me, strictly off limits because of his being a completely different and dangerous race from me and completely emotionally unavailable, it didn't mean I couldn't flirt.

"Of course" Azriel responds, tone all business. I roll my eyes slightly as I hop back up onto the beam, one foot in front of the other.

Squeezing my eyes slightly against the pressure, I perform my weird suck-in thing to engage my core, taking a tentative step forward...and finding it suddenly way easier. Gaining confidence, I take another step forward, and then another, each one coming faster and faster until...

"I did it!" I giggle, reaching the opposite end of the beam and jumping off, "I actually did it."

"Well done" Azriel commends, his ice-hewn face slightly broken by a small smile, "Next beam"

"Already?" I gulp, looking over my shoulder. The next beam was higher up then the first, the top of it reaching my chest. I turn back to him, gesturing to the lower one, "Can't I just do this one again?"

Azriel says nothing and I sigh, moving over to the other beam and grabbing a couple step blocks to get up to the beam. Heaving myself up and onto the beam, I wobble softly and a small, startled squeak escapes my lips before I regain my balance.

"You really will catch me, right?" I ask nervously. Again, no response omits from his lips, just a short nod of which I couldn't tell was either actually in answer to my question or instruction to get a move on.

"Okay" I breathe, closing my eyes and stilling my body completely, performing the process of engaging my core slowly, each muscle at a time until I felt so tightly wound even a sharp shove couldn't knock me from my feet.

I take a step forward...then another...and then I slip.

My foot hits the side of the beam wrong and in an effort to stay up, I attempt to pull it back on rather than letting it go and placing it behind my other foot, bending at the knees as I was taught to do and had done many times on the lower beam. I scream and squeeze my eyes shut tightly as I tip backward, flailing my arms out as my back heads for the ground.

As if in slow motion, I turn my body as I fall, instinctively positioning to catch my fall with my hands - a rookie mistake. A pair of strong hands encircles my waist as I turn and without thinking I grab onto him, securing my body to his in every way possible to stop my fall. I grunt as one of my feet lands hard on the floor, ground shock again erupting through...one of my feet?

I open my eyes and find myself in the strangest position...Azriel's face was before me, his arm hooked underneath the crook of my right knee, holding the one leg up whilst the other was placed upon the floor as normal, my hips pressed against his.

"You really did fall in the most difficult way possible" Azriel says, voice deep and gravelly...as if straining.

It's then I notice Azriel's stance is crooked, his weight tipped to one side slightly as if weighed down...I gasp and almost send myself flying again as I realise what exactly I'd done in my attempt to escape a painful landing.

My knee was grazing his right wing, my left arm tightly wrapped around his neck with my elbow brushing the inside of his left wing and my right hand was placed entirely on the soft membrane of the inside of his right wing, my fingers splayed across the shimmering surface and pressing lightly onto it, the way one would place their hand on a surface to maintain balance.

Points of contact everywhere with Azriel's wings...Azriel's sensitive wings.

"Oh my...I'm so sorry" I gasp, pulling my leg out of his grasp and removing my arm from his neck, my hand from his wing, until I was standing before him. Closer than I'd ever been before, his eyes boring into mine.

"You couldn't have just fallen backward?" Azriel says, his voice still rough and strained, "I would've caught you."

"I know, I-" I stammer, "I didn't think, I just acted on instinct. I don't know what I was thinking. Are your wings okay?"

"They're fine" Azriel frowns softly, "Why wouldn't they be?"

"Feyre's told me before to be careful of your wings, to make sure I keep away from them because they're really sensitive...are they not?" I redirect as his confused frown deepens.

"They are but not in the way you seem to think" Azriel explains, "It doesn't cause me pain, which by the look on your face, I assume is what you think."

"It's not painful?" I breathe a sigh of relief, "Oh thank the forgotten gods...but if it's not a painful sensitivity, why do you seem so tense? Well, tenser."

"While it's not painful, it is still sensitive. The sensation is hard to explain but it just provokes a different...reaction."

"What do you mean?"

"It's too hard to explain. How about I show you the approximation of what it feels like to a non-winged being and then you tell me the reaction you have."

I nod, a little nervous about the slight gleam in Azriel's eyes, a knowing one...

Leaning forward, Azriel breathes softly into the shell of my ear, lips trailing sensually along the outer edge as his large hand ghosts down my spine in soft, light movements, his fingers barely touching the skin but sending shivers all the way through my body. My eyes go heavy lidded and instinctively, I grip his bicep to hold myself steady, neck tipping back slightly to expose more of my neck as his breath gusts over the sensitive skin, his hand coming to rest on the small of my back to keep me from falling on my ass. A small noise escapes from my throat.

In a lighting fast move, Azriel pulls me to rights and releases me completely, stepping a good few paces back. Breathing heavily, my eyes open and meet his and I imagine our expressions to be almost exact. Flushed cheeks, glazed eyes, chests rising and falling so agonisingly slowly as we attempt to keep our breathing even and failing completely.

"Woah" I breathe, "I definitely get it now."

"You can't do that, Y/N, damn it!" Azriel growls and I straighten further, lust filled haze vanishing.

"Do what?" I gape

"Make me-" Azriel says and then stops himself, "Never mind. Today's session is over"

He turns on his heel to leave but I run after him, meaning to grab his shoulder...and accidentally gracing the back of his wing again.

Damn it, dumbass.

Azriel releases a frustrated growl and whirls on me, pushing me back into a nearby wall, his hands on my waist, eyes staring into mine.

"That"

I was still confused. This was the only time I'd ever touched his wings...

Seeing my confused expression, Azriel presses closer, his body pressed to mine, something hard pressing into my-

Oh.

"I...I wasn't aware I" I stumble over my words, "I wasn't aware it was something I'd done more than once."

"That's a lie and you know it" Azriel huffs, "Stop feigning innocence."

"I'm not feigning anything!" I protest. I truly hadn't meant to turn him on. Now or any other time. Feyre and Nesta and Elain had all made it clear I shouldn't get into it with Azriel...Gods, even Rhys had told me to keep away!, "Why does it even matter? We're both adults, we can just move on from-"

"You don't get it, do you?" Azriel growls, "That I've wanted you every moment from when I first saw you, that Feyre and Rhys gave me this lecture about duty and responsibility and the different race bullshit and ordered me to stay away from you. The only reason I was allowed to train you is because I swore it'd be training and nothing more!"

"I'm...I don't know what to say to you except that I didn't know anything about any of that."

"I swear you're my own personal hell on Earth." Azriel sighs, shaking his head, eyes hard and cold as flint.

"Wow, thanks" I scoff sarcastically, offended, "I wasn't doing anything intentionally."

"That may be even worse" Azriel concedes, "Knowing that anything you did wasn't intentional means if you truly tried to make a move...I would fall at your feet and beg you for just a second of your time. For one moment between-I shouldn't be entertaining this idea."

No, please go on.

"It doesn't help that I can smell you every time you enter a room. It's like you specifically-"

"Wow, so now I smell?" I huff, "Perfect."

"Not that kind of smell. I can smell it on you now."

It?

Well, sure, I was sweaty but I'd just been working out. Although I'd cooled a bit now, with all the slow and steady lust-filled contact we'd had-

Oh...again.

I remember Nesta telling me once to be careful with any time I spent...with myself because the males could smell...

Could smell arousal.

"Oh" I say aloud this time, "That."

"I could swear you would touch yourself before each training session just to drive me insane with what I can't have-damn it, stop it!"

"Well I can't really help my body's reactions when you talk like that" I defend, that warm and tight feeling in my stomach building, eyelids fighting not to fall.

"Try" Azriel suggests weakly.

"If the past few weeks of my unintentional seducing you wasn't proof enough, I clearly can't do that."

"What has been with you recently? You're aroused all the time."

"I don't know" I blush, "I just...have been. Besides, it's not like I have someone I can go to here to...relieve myself of the frustration so I'm all I've got."

Azriel's jaw clenches, eyes ablaze with a hungry fire.

"Why can't we...I mean, why am I so forbidden to you?"

"Feyre and Rhys say...well, I don't know. It doesn't matter about their reasons, their my High Lord and Lady. If they order me to do something, I obey."

"Is that something you can't fight?" I ask, eyes trailing up and down his body, "Like a magical side effect stops you?"

"No, it's an honour thing-" Azriel stops short, recognising my intention, "Okay, I know you're doing this on purpose now"

"So what?" I whisper, "It's not like I'll tell them anything...and there's no one out here to witness for at least a few hours."

"Hours?" Azriel chuckles, "What makes you think you can handle that?"

Cocky now, huh?

"I'm almost certain I probably can't...but I'm more than willing to try."

Azriel's erection grows larger, pressing insistently upon my upper thigh, "Y/N...I can't"

"Yes you can" I say, "Something tells me you're just as good at getting in your own way as Feyre and Rhys are. I'm more than capable of making my own decisions and I would be lying if I said this isn't one of the fantasies I've used to help me out when I'm alone."

The sound of Azriel's teeth grinding against each other makes me smile. I don't know where this sudden confidence came from - perhaps from knowing how badly he also wants this. Maybe it was fate's way of making something that was always supposed to happen, happen. By removing my nervousness and forcing Azriel to think his way out of his own mental purgatories.

Azriel, still fighting his own mental battle, pants softly and I lean forward, trailing a long line up his neck and along his jawline with my tongue. My hand drifts up, reaching for the tender inside of his wing-

"Don't. Do. That" Azriel grits out, hand gripping my wrist and pushing it back against the wall, up above my head, the other arm quickly following, "Don't start something you can't finish."

"Who said I wasn't planning to finish?" I smirk

"Gods, you'll be the death of me" Azriel sighs, leaning closer to me. I could already tell the battle was lost, he was just clinging to the last scraps of will he had left.

"What was that you said earlier? That you would 'fall at my feet and beg for just one moment between...' What were you going to say?" I tease

"Shut the fuck up" Azriel growls, his lips pressing to mine.

Masterlist

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N:  I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

Previous Chapter -- Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube. 

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy. 

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock. 

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

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