#it's one of the most fascinating aspects to me and i love when people indulge in that side of the characterization

[minorfamilysupremacy]

disabled vegas is the most important vegas to me.

[prideprejudce]

I feel like people have read into Alicent's response to Rhaenyra's ultimatum in both good AND bad faith ways, but i feel like I haven't seen much of what Rhaenyra was feeling about it!!

Personally, I feel like the ultimatum she gave Alicent was the product of 3 different motivations- first, it was the obvious political move to kill the usurper to her throne, duh. The second, is that I think Rhaenyra is super aware- and terrified of- being trapped in a cycle of loss, being passed over for a son, and her claim to the throne standing only because of what she represents not her as a person. Thats its own whole fascinating character essay i cant get into here lol.

But the third reason is that I THINK she has a desperate personal obsession with being chosen by Alicent over Aegon, and leans into the ultimatum as a way to extract what she needs from Alicent-- to be chosen and prioritized over her father's son, and be the centre of Alicent's attention (romantic or not).

The directors/writers have mentioned one of the crucial aspects of Rhaenyra and Alicent's relationship is how many times Rhaenyra reaches out, only to be rejected by Alicent over and over. I think Rhaenyra, as someone who really internalized going after what she wants from a young age, is a bit spoiled, and is obsessed with Alicent's continuous rejection as both a novelty, and a deep source of insecurity.

Rhaenyra has a bit of magical thinking where she really does think that if she just pushes hard enough she can change the world into the shape she wants it to be, and I think when Alicent CONTINUES to deny her, she gets more and more frustrated.

Double this with her general issues around being passed over for a son, first from her father with baelon, and then COMPOUNDED with baby aegon stealing both her father AND alicent's attention as alicent prioritized birthing and probably caring for her son over rhaenyra's sulking when Rhaenyra was in the most pain she had been in yet in her life.

I think Rhaenyra is HIGHLY resentful about not just aegon usurping her throne, but also the lack of attention during the HEIGHT of her teenage years, where she already has a contentious relationship with her father AND .....stepmother?? first love??? sister?? (targaryen family incest issues are a wonderful icing on top of this cake)

It was very clear that the reason Alicent married viserys was SPECIFICALLY to have more children, and that Alicent CHOSE (from Rhaenyra's perspective) to put herself in that position JUST after Aemma died from the same cause, becoming a mother rather than staying with Rhaenyra and daydreaming about riding off into the sunset. In Rhaenyra's mind, she lost her mother to the promise of a son, only to lose Her Alicent™️ to ANOTHER promise of a son right after. This is probably the deepest rejection Alicent could have given her.

The entire second half of season 2 is more denial; Rhaenyra's marriage proposal of their children is rejected, Alicent rejects Rhaenyra's bastard sons in general, and Rhaenyra's choices by extension, then driftmark happens, then the ENTIRE USURPTION happens, rejecting Rhaenyra's claim to her own birthright.

Rhaenyra even tries AGAIN in season 3 - extending herself to go into Alicent's place of comfort to sue for peace, even telling Alicent bits of a personally sacred religious doctrine only to be rejected AGAINNNNNNN.

(I could write forever about how Rhaenyra indulges Alicent's religious but never gets the same back on her own customs)

Yah, I think when Rhaenyra sees Alicent next, its not just that the ultimatum is a political necessity, but its decades of rejection culminating in 'you need to choose and prioritize me over everything, including your son, bc i cannot take anymore rejection from you, and I cant handle NOT being the most important thing in your whole world tbh :)' Especially on the heels of her newfound radicalization i feel like Rhaenyra sees Alicent's 'Choosing Rhaenyra' this time as a Holy Blessing and the last crucial piece she needs to self actualize.

(Also never forget all of this takes place in the targaryen CESSPOOL that is Rhaenyra having Alicent as a sister/step mother/half employee?? Alicent was at least her subordinate at one point/only confidante/possible first love-- theres probably alot of projection on Rhaenyra's part for what Alicent's approval means to her)

sorry this is so long the word rejection has ceased to mean anything to me at this point

"Rhaenyra sees Alicent's 'choosing Rhaenyra' this time as a Holy Blessing and the last crucial piece that she needs to self actualize"

what if we all just set each other on fire

[saintsenara]

Hi, I just wanted to tell you that I absolutely love your metas! You’re not only clearly a very talented writer but also blessed with such great insight into these characters that my dopamine levels always jump to absolute heights with every new post. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and being a real gem in this fandom ❤️

Also, because I couldn’t find any post (or did I miss it?) about specifically Harry/Snape (without a third person added to the mix) I would love to read your thoughts on it. Either romantically or gen, after the war, where Snape lives. Thank you so much for indulging me :)

thank you very much for the [exceptionally lovely] ask, anon!

snarry is definitely a popular request...

... so let's get into it!

[and let's also get out of the way that fact that i do not back snamione as a pairing. you can find out why here.]

while they're by no means my otp - and while i'll admit to preferring both snape and harry paired up with lord voldemort - i have long dabbled in a bit of snarry, particularly because it's a ship which attracts astonishingly talented writers. and - in particular - astonishingly talented writers who think really subtly, intelligently, and creatively about life and love and all the questions therein. i'm always really struck by the nuance with which both snape and harry are treated in so many snarry fics, and i much prefer that to the more one-note treatment each character gets elsewhere in the fandom.

and - of course - why snarry works so well as a ship is because it has such a solid justification in both harry and snape's canon characterisation - and because this compatibility is made all the more interesting by the layer of conflict caused by snape and harry's mutually antagonistic relationship. harry adores the half-blood prince - looks up to him so much, in fact, that he genuinely wonders if the man was his father - because they're intellectually compatible, have similar senses of humour, have similarly self-serving aspects to their moral codes, and have a shared reactivity and emotional volatility. the text emphasises this frequently, most explicitly when hermione tells harry in half-blood prince that he doth protest too much:

"He tried to jinx me, in case you didn’t notice!" fumed Harry. "I had enough of that during those Occlumency lessons! Why doesn’t he use another guinea pig for a change? What’s Dumbledore playing at, anyway, letting him teach Defence? Did you hear him talking about the Dark Arts? He loves them! All that unfixed, indestructible stuff - " "Well," said Hermione, "I thought he sounded a bit like you."

harry is also willing to acknowledge these similarities himself, sometimes. he empathises with - and even, occasionally, respects - snape well before the conclusion of deathly hallows, and - crucially - does this on his own terms. him refusing to dismiss his disgust at his father's treatment of snape in snape's worst memory in order not to make sirius or lupin feel awkward is incredibly impressive - and is something i don't think he gets enough credit for.

and since one of the things which makes me a member of both tomarrymort and snapemort nation is harry's instinctive understanding of how voldemort's childhood affected him and voldemort's understanding of how snape's childhood affected him, this is something i think provides a fascinating seam for author's to mine when writing about snape and harry together.

similarly, post-war, i think snarry is one of the best pairings for exploring how both harry and snape come to terms with the realisation that - no matter how well it all worked out in the end - they were both pawns in a larger game. i think that snape is, really, the only person in harry's life who could ever come close to appreciating what it means to have dumbledore send you out to [nearly] die - and i also think, because the man is always at the forefront of my mind, that snape is one of the few people in harry's life who can appreciate the fact that harry, as much as he also hated and feared him, was impressed by, sympathised with, and wanted to help voldemort.

snarry is also an incredibly compelling ship for thinking about power, and how both harry and snape understand it. i wouldn't care about the age difference, or the fact that snape and harry's acquaintance is established while harry is a child and snape is his teacher, even if the dynamic between them could only ever be heavily unbalanced in snape's favour, because these are fictional people. but i'm often struck by how interestingly snarry writers deal with snape being someone who views himself, inherently, as a supplicant - and who therefore ends up offering harry the upper hand in their dynamic [whether this is platonic or otherwise] despite the fact that he is the younger partner. snape's capacity for destructive devotion and self-subordination is one of his most fascinating canon characteristics - and snarry is one of the best vehicles for exploring this.

indeed, the canonical snape clearly regards harry as someone who possesses power over him. his complaints about harry being rich, spoiled, and arrogant make clear that he considers harry to be the second coming of the dynamic he had with james [with it never seeming to occur to him that this is an absurd thing for an adult teacher to think about their pupil], while his complaints about harry's fame is because he views harry as an inherent insider [someone with a pureblood surname and the money to prove it] to the wizarding world while he himself is an outcast. this can cause some exquisite toxicity - especially when snape, who tends to view every interaction he has though a win-lose lens and who becomes incredibly nasty in both victory and defeat, is proven right, having insisted to harry that the wizarding world won't like its golden hero getting railed by a tenuously-acquitted death eater.

but it can also result in something surprisingly beautiful. harry likes to save people, after all, and snape would - deep down - very much to be saved.

and one way he can do this is by offering snape the forgiveness for his role in lily's death which it's clear the canonical snape refuses to accept he might be entitled to. and, in doing this, the pairing draws out a theme which i am obsessed with - that there is a lost generation, whose ghosts haunt the characters alive in the canon timeline. no matter how negative his opinion on james and sirius and so on is, by virtue of knowing them, snape provides harry with a connection to a world he would be a stranger to otherwise, while harry provides snape with a mooring in the present which makes dealing with the weight of the past - and processing the fact that he's virtually the only person he knew as a teenager who's still alive - easier.

i also think that fucking your enemy's nephew is iconic, and snape and petunia meeting again in a scenario in which he's harry's boyfriend is a concept that sustains me.

[sitp-recs]

HP Rec Fest, Day 9

Rare pair galore, my moment has come!!! This is probably my favorite rec post so far. I mean, I’ve been reccing rare pairs for @hprecfest prompts already so I’ll take this opportunity to champion my favorite rare pair writers and focus on some niche ships that I would not even consider had I not stumbled across that particular fic. Idk how many people out there indulge het ships but if anyone’s looking for something steamy hot and well-written oh boy, do I have some treats for you. You’ll notice that most fics fall within the “problematique” category due to the age gap aspect (which let’s be honest, it’s the reason why I considered reading them in the first place 🌝). By the way, some of these are the only fics written for these ships, how cool is that?!

Day 9) A 5 rare pair fic (less than 2000 fics)

Opposite Ends by pauraque (Millicent/Aberforth, E, 1.5k)

She thought she'd feel different after they'd fucked. He's lived long enough to know that he wouldn't.

would never imagine these two together in a million years but omg so freaking hot 🥵 we have so little canon info on them but both povs are fascinating and full of personality

Gouge Away by tamlane (Millicent/Victoire, T, 1.7k)

The Weasley girl has developed a keen fascination with Millicent's woodworking shop. Millicent can't seem to get rid of her, no matter how hard she tries.

another surprising but quite charming pair, I love the set up and dynamics here - so much UST under 2k wow I need more wlw age gap!

Drip, Honey, Drip by tamlane (Lily Luna/Michael Corner, E, 3k)

Lily's boss catches her daydreaming on a Friday afternoon. He thinks there could be a business opportunity in it, and he wants to hear more. Sequel here.

this fic turned me on blew my mind! very original concept perfectly executed, the sexual tension is so dripping hot and intoxicating I thought I’d combust. the sequel is equally delicious, 10/10

testosterone (sounds like a spell) by pauraque (Justin/Hannah E, 7.7k) 🏳️‍⚧️

Justin never returned to Hogwarts after the Death Eaters came. He's found that the Muggle world offers other kinds of transfiguration — a body alchemy far more powerful than any magic spell. Sometimes he wonders if anyone even remembers that once, years ago, he was a novice wizard.

one of the best, most sensitive and moving trans stories I’ve read in the fandom. it’s such a privilege to follow Justin’s journey and I adore the way he clicks with Hannah. fabulous sex scene too

Burned Silk, Buckled Leather by @ruinsplume (Draco/Sirius, E, 12k)

When Sirius discovers a down-and-out Draco Malfoy lurking around the edges of a Muggle kink club, he thinks he knows just what Draco needs. He isn't expecting to run into some long-buried needs of his own.

my favorite Draco/Sirius out there, this fic has RP’s trademark: sinfully hot, tender devastating smut bringing together complex characters and many emotional layers beneath the surface. the kink exploration here is 👨‍🍳💋 mesmerizing!

[steel-10100]

♪ Kurahashi Yoeko – Tomodachi no Uta.

yippeee finally i can show you my new character. in fact, he's not that new, i just drew the exterior for him quite recently.

meet Lars (full name is Larcelot). the young humanoid from the capital hex, the son of the influential figure of the criminal world there. the youngest child in his family, the only son, and the rest of kids are daughters. despite his blood connection with crime, he is not that keen on building up authority, he prefers to hang out at a club or casino, or just stay at home (he lives in a huge mansion with the whole family), although he is always happy to take advantage of the accompanying privileges. it's too early to talk about the his place in the world, but i have something to say about his image. /inhales-exhales/ there will be a lot of words...

personality: Lars, despite his small age by the standards of the setting, is already charismatic and charming, like some talented comedian or actor. cheeky, confident, quite open, but also very conservative relative to most of the youth in the capital. he will try to stick to manners even when he is drunk to the bone, but he still has a lot of audacity. phlegmatic by temperament. he values his comfort above everything else, always knows what he wants and is used to getting desired thing without any trouble, but this does not make him too conflicted or childishly moody. maybe just a little harmful.

speaking of which, his father raised him to a man who is able to get out of any scrape, easily navigating the sensory aspects of this world, the aforementioned manners and much more. and now we have a person who is always relaxed, completely unafraid of the world. blissful...

he rarely gets close to other creatures, also rarely hangs out with men, but the company of beautiful ladies is a comfortable zone for him. he can be called a womanizer. in relation to people Lars is very frivolous, communicates superficially, through the prism of logic, jokes, interests and/or impressions, and carefully stores most of his experiences inside.

appearance: tall, slender guy, physically well developed, but a little exhausted, possibly due to frequent alcohol consumption, dark circles around the eyes, strong teeth and bones, excellent sense of smell. the left arm is missing, replaced with a prosthesis with highly sensitive sensors (smooth movements, in fact, not much different from a real limb) with different attachments.

in public, he almost always appears in a neat state, even despite his deliberate negligence. he dresses relatively modestly for his budget, but still has a certain amount of expensive accessories.

features: i already mentioned above that Lars drinks quite often, but he rarely allows himself to get drunk to the state of a deranged vegetable, especially in front of someone. he loves champagne and wine, but also likes to indulge in "girly" cocktails, often drinks the same thing that his one-evening-friends chose.

he loves gambling and at first glance he may seem like a fool who is about to lose his family, house and entire fortune in some stupid slots, but this is more typical of the desperate, and i can't call him that. in addition to gambling, he is also fascinated by ordinary board games and computer step-by-step games. so his desire for adrenaline is simply caused by boredom.

he also loves jazz improvisations, especially fast incendiary melodies. he often jokes that he would like to buy a personal orchestra so he'd be able to listen to live music whenever he wants.

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW. I DOUBT THERE'S EVEN HALF OF WHAT I'VE BEEN INVENTED. well, these posts are probably read by a minority anyway, so whatever.

write me how do you like it, i am always glad to receive your feedback!

[felixcloud6288]

The final chapter of Shojo Null came out. Most of my posts on it have been me making fun of how there's a strange cultural and technological stagnation in the setting, but I want to bring up my absolute favorite thing over the entire story.

Meet Police Chief Kamiki.

This guy is the primary antagonist throughout the series. And he is an amazing case-study in how to make a genuinely evil and unsympathetic character.

The process is surprising simple but difficult to execute. What you do is give your character several aspects that could give make them a sympathetic character and you throw all that into the trash.

Kamiki is introduced with a fully justifiable reason to be antagonistic to Riaha and Marie. Even if he is shown to be an absolute scumbag (and everything we see about him proves he genuinely is), we at least can assume by his first appearance that he loved his son and his antagonism is for reasons we can get behind....

....Until we turn the page.

He figuratively and literally smashes any possibility that there's anything good about him. In fact, when he's later watching video footage from right before his son's murder, he is very clearly bored.

And just to make things even more extreme, he DOES have a personal reason for wanting to kill Riaha. Kamiki wants to kill Riaha because he didn't get the chance to do so when he murdered Riaha's father seven years ago.

There's an amazing potential foil between Kamiki and Riaha. Kamiki killed Riaha's father, and then Riaha killed Kamiki's son. That is the setup to a moral conflict where people can argue about who is in the right and who is in the wrong.

But Kamiki throws all that away and makes it clear this isn't about his son at all. All this conflict means to him is that he finally gets to indulge in committing a murder he didn't get to commit seven years ago. There is no moral conflict. One side is an unrepentantly evil person who has no sympathetic traits at all.

And as the series continues, Kamiki NEVER becomes better. We only see just how evil he can be. And that's why I think he's the most fascinating character in the manga.

[zealoussy]

THE DOOR - MAGDA SZABÓ REVIEW

General Book Information

Title : The Door

Author : Magda Szabó

Genre : Classics, Historical, Literary

Released : 1987

Book Summary

Narrator is a writer who had just got back her and her husband's (also a writer) writing life after a revolution. As the two are busy with their writing, the household needs to be tended. Emerence is a caretaker that everyone in the neighborhood regards highly. She helps everyone in need, wealthy or poor, men or women, moral or immoral, she is always taking care of people. Narrator hired her. But Emerence is not a caretaker like any other. Narrator can't help but be obsessed pursuing her curiosity in understanding Emerence's character. So the story of secrets, obsession, vulnerability, and love and murder, unfolds.

Likes/Dislikes

The spectrum in which female friendship can fall into –either at the edge of the spectrum where the characters bravely embrace tenderness or at the opposite edge where you can only find vulnerability using obsessive means– always fascinated me. Unique female character like Emerence in this book is perfect for playing a role of friend-interest. The main narrator is undoubtedly showing a great interest in Emerence who is for her, a puzzle that she wanted to solve. I immediately hooked to reading this.

I have a special spot for characters with hard shells to crack. It's an intriguing experience, as a person with the same trait, to follow the author's plan to unravel the fragile core that hides behind the tough fort. As I was learning to begin to understand Emerence, suffice to say I was unconsciously allowing myself into the narrator's indulgence in Emerence's life and person. Any snippets into Emerence's past life, I take a mental note in a form of newspaper clippings pinned on to a big board that contains anything about her.

It is not so far-fetched to connect her backstory to her present attitude to the world. Yet, I feel that the unfolding of her motif is sometimes irresolute. The narrator had to dig her past life stories by putting herself in more often than not, inconvenient circumstances. Yet as she learns what kind of lives Emerence had lived in the past, the narrator only observes, as if those snippets are only film trailers she doesn't bother to give attention to make an understanding. I think the author is lacking in building a strong perception about the connection between Emerence's past and her present attitude by the narrative from Lady Writer.

While I understand that the format of the story is a recounting of events leading to Emerence's death by the narrator, the time jump does not bode well for the development of the plot. I'm just not a fan of the narrator interrupting flashbacks without hinting that this will be a common occurrence in the story. I won't comment much on the historical context of the plot because I barely have knowledge in that, but I would say that the historical plot is just in the background, the focus is on the happenings in the characters' present time, kind of a slice of life in the Hungarian neighborhood during that time.

Even then, I appreciate Szabó's skillful writing that can induce frustration, confusion and exasperation throughout the whole book. By God, this is one of the most frustrating books I've ever read in my life. But I am as curious as a cat, so I keep going till the end. And yes, I did get killed at the last page. I don't even remember how many WTFs I have mentally uttered when reading this. In a good way or bad way, I can't even decide. I thought at first that this is going to be darker than I expected, because it has the gothic suspense feel at the beginning, but I guess it wasn't written in that direction. A little disappointed in that aspect, but I get that the turn of events is more focused on working the emotional sense of it.

All in all, I did not regret reading this book, albeit not overtly awed, but I'm not that disappointed either. This is a book written not like any others you may have read. That being said, I'm interested in reading other Szabó's works.

Would you recommend this book?

Yes, for people who like character study or enjoy My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante. Not only is the writing style accessible, it is not boring either. The pacing is good. Lastly, it's got your feelings in a roller coaster.

Favorite Quotes

"It's just that, as well as love, you also have to know how to kill."

"... And you haven't been able to find anyone you can bear to have near you, because you aren't looking for just anyone, you're looking for the one person you will never be with you again."

"What does a dead person know, or see, or feel?"

"Who isn't lonely, I'd like to know? And that includes people who do have someone but just haven't noticed."

[fancy-a-dance-brigadier]

I'd love to hear more about 'Hearts in Orbit' or 'Time and Tide'!

And I shall tell you about both <3

'Hearts in Orbit' is my Jezri fix-it-fic. Basically, I'll write one chapter for every episode of season 7 - sometimes it'll be rewritten scenes from the show, sometimes it'll be something completely new. I hope to make their relationship seem a bit more believable and less like it came completely out of nowhere. I also want to explore aspects of Jezri that really fascinate me, particularly the idea that they both are who they are because of something that was done to them against their will, and the fact that they both have the potential to be Very Dangerous people but they desperately don't want to be. I'm also going to take it as an opportunity to be self-indulgent and rewrite certain aspects of season 7 that I didn't like, particularly the episode 'Extreme Measures'.

'Time and Tide' is a Siskoshir oneshot that stems from a concept called tidal memory, which I learned about in one of my uni classes this year. Tidal memory comes from Kamau Braithewaite's contribution to the book 'Tidalectics', and basically he theorises that memory is like the tide - it comes in and goes out, bringing something different with it every time. I felt like that idea would really fit the themes of non-linearity that's so present in the Siskoshir relationship, and so 'Time and Tide' is my attempt at implementing that. I'm going to rewrite a scene from 'Past Tense' four different times, and they'll all be different because Ben is remembering it during different stages of his life. It's not finished yet, but I've made a start - so here's a snippet!

His reassurance falls on deaf ears - Bashir remains sullen, silent, his compassionate core revolting against the images of pure inhumanity he has seen today. Innocent people starving on the streets, the mentally ill deprived of the help they need, white-collar workers who do not give a damn about the people they tread under their shiny black shoes. He is a doctor fresh from utopia - such abject disregard for the sanctity of life alarms him, and Benjamin can read his repugnance as though it was carved into the skin of his face. His face which, if Benjamin is totally honest with himself, he has always found rather charming. Perhaps even beautiful. Yes, most definitely beautiful. 

He knows it is not the right time to think of such things - not the right time to think of anything at all, for he now lives in a time he was never meant to exist in. And yet there he is, in the twenty-first century, marvelling at the unadulterated beauty of Doctor Bashir. He does not know why he thinks of him as such now, when he has been so easily able to compartmentalise his latent attraction in the past. Even this morning, as they waited for the office workers to assign their fate in the Sanctuary District, he saw Bashir as merely his subordinate officer - a companion, certainly, and one he was glad to have, but an officer in his command nevertheless.

But now Bashir is beautiful. Perhaps it is the way his anger lights up all the flecks of gold in his hazel eyes, perhaps it is the light touch of stubble that now grazes his jaw, perhaps it is the slender cut of his figure in that familiar, far away uniform. Or perhaps it goes beyond the physical - for Bashir cares so very very much about the people that surround him, his beating heartbreaking for complete strangers, itching to break all the temporal rules and utilise all his medical miracles to alleviate the suffering of this generation. Benjamin has always been attracted to action, to people who do the right thing in the face of stifling rules, to people who guide themselves via a compassionate compass. And in this moment - this very inappropriate moment - all those traits have intermingled in Bashir to create a man that makes Benjamin’s heart thud far quicker than it ought to. 

[astrolovecosmos]

Neptune: Deep Dive

Pink petals

fallen onto

night shaded

waters.

Nothing is ever as it seems.

Wood turned to metal.

Reality turned to dreams.

-Natasha Reeves 

The planet Neptune I think is most famous for two things - illusions and dreamy or ethereal associations. A lot of negativity is also commonly associated such as addiction, insanity, guilt, sorrow, denial, and doubt. This planet is complex and just like all the other planets has a huge array of associations. What prompted me to do a deep dive in Neptune? Well for one I’ve been going through the transit of Neptune in Pisces crossing over my IC which has been powerful and I am at the end of my progressed Moon in the 12th House. Also in my own chart I’ve been paying more attention to my natal Neptune placements... which are a lot more prominent and worthy of my attention than I’ve understood and noticed in the past. Honestly I spend a lot more time analyzing others’ charts vs. my own, and I really should have looked more closely at some of my own aspects. I have had a LOT of experience with Pisces influences throughout my life, intense ones. I want to make it clear that Pisces DOES NOT = Neptune. I’ve always wanted to write a whole essay about my experience as a Pisces friend, lover, family member, enemy, etc. An outsiders opinion but that isn’t this. This is a disclaimer because this is going to be both theory and my own experiences. This is a deep dive. 

The Sea’s Love and Wrath 

Neptune in a lot of mainstream media is described as gentle but this planet can be unpredictable and harsh, with erratic energy that could rival Uranus. Neptune can be about tolerance and kindness, seeing past the ego and material. Neptune can embody or promote unconditional love and forgiveness. Because Neptune can be about dissolving and merging this planet allows us to see ourselves in others, maybe even in everyone allowing for compassion, empathy, and the ability to love very freely and openly. But the illusion and deception of Neptune is its shadow. 

Romanticizing and idealizing can be one of Neptune’s downfalls. Many times this is described as putting other’s on a pedestal but this can be applied to any area of life from work to places to ideals. From this those with strong Neptune aspects or prominent placements can find that disappointment is a frequent visitor. Neptune square, opposite, or conjunct Venus can quickly fall for others, trust others, and gravitates towards those they want to help or who have a strong personality they can meld with. Neptune opposite or square Mercury may face the frustration and disappointment of frequently being misunderstood or finding that they easily misread others or trust their words. After feeling tricked there can be wrath to these oceanic bodies. 

Where will their vengeance or anger land? It isn’t fair if they idolize you to get mad at you... sometimes their anger is self-loathing and self-destructive, other times they take you down with them. But the lesson is that Neptune can be as soft and as dangerous as the sea. 

Enlightenment and Madness

Coming down from the high, was getting lost in Neptune’s blue. Dreams and visions dancing in the back of my mind, when reality is so hard to chew. Sensation used to distract and pieces of stories stitched together to where nothing is fact.- Natasha Reeves 

There are many influences that can grant us wisdom or enlightenment throughout astrology, but I don’t see too many writings or posts about Neptune and its connection to enlightenment, nirvana, or eurekas and on the flipside also insanity and denial. Neptune can pull away the fog to give us clarity - especially when looking at the whole of things, the big picture. Neptune can famously also be the fog. 

The transit of Neptune crossing over my IC/4th House brought a lot of light to my childhood and how I was raised. However my IC is in Pisces, while Pisces isn’t the same as the planet, and many astrologers believe Neptune is not the ruling planet of Pisces - it is a sign known for illusions, confusion, and vagueness much like Neptune. I came from a place of a lot of secretiveness and vagueness, but when the “planet of illusions” crossed over I found myself accepting the instability and moments I felt lost or clueless in my life as well as looking back with remembering and understanding. 

Neptune can represent the part of us that is hard to grasp and understand, it also faces us with the idea that it is okay to have unanswered questions, to not have closure, that many times we have to create that closure or solidity ourselves. Neptune much like Jupiter is a matter of faith whether in ourselves or a higher power. 

It should be noted Neptune doesn’t always mean outside sources. Neptune is an introverted, intimate actor. It can represent how we lie to ourselves, trick ourselves, or how we push responsibility off of ourselves. Neptune also allows us to see, understand, more importantly feel what we easily ignore or can’t see. 

Life’s Extremes - Our Extremes 

“Neptune moves between the greatest extremes: from the highest spiritual awareness through imagination, fantasy, and illusion, to the depths of deceptions and disillusionment. The planet of mysticism, glamour, and enchantment, Neptune exerts a hypotonic fascination.” - Judy Hall. 

When many think of extremes they probably think Pluto before Neptune. The blue sphere isn’t going to take away the icy orb’s reputation - Pluto holds tightly in terms of extremes, but Neptune is far from a level-headed, consistent influence. Let’s touch on fantasy and illusion - two things that tends to warn of foolishness or impracticality, but fantasy is part of everyone’s life, no matter how pragmatic or mature an individual claims to be. From coping to manifesting to understanding to enjoying, fantasy is a natural human thing. Think of how often you daydream in an hour, how many books, movies, and games you indulge in, how often you find yourself being tempted by gossip, and how often you find yourself painting a picture of another in your head - negative or positive. 

Neptune symbolizes the abstract, importance, and rawness of our fantasies. Individuals with prominent Neptune aspects can find themselves easily tapping into their imagination, falling into escapism frequently, or have a great use for their wild ideas. If you think of the subject of fantasies or illusion as an extreme - it makes sense. You aren’t going to get an interesting story without the gods and monsters. Our sleeping dreams often are filled with strangeness or strong emotions. Clarity to madness, hopeless romantic highs to deeply wounded sorrows, and dissolving/surrendering to becoming whole/complete are common extremes this planet centers around. 

I have Mercury Square Neptune which tends to make one doubtful of their own opinions and intellect, can increase misunderstandings, and make communication difficult for the individual. Mercury Square Neptune can make someone highly persuasive and deceptive but it can also make one easily confused, tricked, and manipulated by others. Rationality and intuition can conflict. One experience I have with this aspect is usually swinging from extremes to being very withdrawn and quiet to interrupting others, chatting away. I’ve been described by those in my life as always saying something they didn’t expect - few words but impactful or strange ones. This is an example of the more everyday way Neptune can present itself.

“Neptune-attuned people possess glamour in the old sense of the word: the ability to bewitch. They are also impossible to categorize or pin down, demonstrating the planet’s elusive quality. Lacking strong boundaries, Neptune-attuned people are susceptible to outside influences.” - Judy Hall. It is from these lack of boundaries and fluidness we see Neptune’s extremeness. Neptune aspects can have us take on the traits of others and there is intensity in that. Let’s say we are talking about a Neptune to Mercury aspect, here may be someone who is easily energized or put down by the mood of another. Neptune to Mars can create a volatile person who fights, guards, and pursues based on their inner circle. 

Alice: Imagination and Dreams 

Personally I tend to associate Alice in Wonderland with Gemini themes. But I’ve seen her used as a metaphor for many placements and influences, such as Scorpio and Pluto. Neptune’s lostness certainly relates to the character and story. Neptune can be the planet of dreams. Challenging aspects to Saturn indicates someone who struggles to get in touch with reality while easy aspects to Saturn indicates someone who can marry big dreams or imagination to practicality. 

Neptune to Moon aspects can indicate powerful dreaming - almost intuitive or helpful in processing stress or trauma. So does Neptune in the 12th, 4th, 8th, and possibly 9th. Neptune in the 2nd can mean imagination or even dreams themselves act as a resource, maybe this is through inspiration or increasing one’s belief or confidence. Neptune in the 3rd may find themselves always remembering their dreams and keeping a journal. Neptune in the 5th blessed with all of the fun dreams of flying or dreaming of a favorite fictional character. Neptune in the 6th or 10th may find strikes of inspiration, knowledge, problem solving, or important foresight in their sleep. Neptune in the 11th may find comfort or realize important information about self and/or society in their dreams. 

Neptune is a newer planet, many times called the visionary, healer, or spiritual link or messenger. Traditional astrologers can approach the planet with a lot of skepticism. Its exaltation is in creative Leo, detriment in practical Virgo, and fall in usually praised as “visionary” Aquarius. Neptune is still new enough to be a hot topic of debate. You will find many astrologers don’t even agree on the planet’s exaltation, fall, and detriment. Leo is considered one of the most creative sign and on the topic of imagination and dreams Neptune can feel amazing in this sign. It feels confident and shinning in its ideas, fantasies, and magic. Elusive and ever-changing Neptune doesn’t feel comfortable in stable and structured Virgo. But Aquarius is an unexpected challenge for Neptune. Aquarius is about collective action - unity that Neptune also is familiar with. But Aquarius is a cold sign and despite its unconventional side can be highly practical and may dislike unrealistic ideas or approaches. Saturn is Aquarius’s co-ruler after all. Neptune wants oneness as in intimacy, not oneness in action or rebellion like Aquarius. Neptune is the magical moonlit spring to heal all your wounds, especially the emotional and spiritual kind. Aquarius is the soul forge in Asgard from Thor: The Dark World or the hypospray in Star Trek. Aquarius is modern medicine most of the time and when Neptune is dressed in Aquarius’s colors at its best it is advanced medicine we don’t understand yet but are working towards. Neptune in Aquarius can be a genius, but it is about ambitious realism to help others, Neptune at its heart is about helping the individual on the most personal level. Aquarius is random strikes of lightning coming from an active mind while Neptune flows from one spot to another, always connected and coming from an original primal, emotional place. Aquarius is the future, Neptune is outside of time. Aquarius is intellect and Neptune emotions and intuition. Aquarius is rebellion, riot, revolution, Neptune is peace or death and rebirth - Aquarius is the noise and Neptune the silence. 

Some believe Neptune’s fall is in Capricorn, which the struggles exist with Capricorn’s strictness and clinging to reality and control. Neptune in Leo is Alice looking regal like a queen or warrior going to fight the jabberwock, Neptune in Virgo can get dark, feeling uncomfortable and maybe in pain, but still important and empowering. Alice in Aquarius or Capricorn is likely a totally new story, adult Alice putting away the tea parties and white rabbits for a lab coat or pantsuit. 

What about Healing and the Spiritual? 

Let’s get to what Neptune may be most known for. That otherworldly connection, the power of love, transcendence. Neptune is dramatic and it is soothing. Neptune embraces all aspects of the human experience so we can focus more on the soul. Neptune is all about healing and how healing can come in a million ways. It can be fast and hard or slow and revealing. It is painful and messy, it goes in cycles, loops, falls and rises. 

Neptune whether the aspects are easy or challenging, whether in a house focused on the self or others, it gives everyone ways to heal and to connect. As an outer planet it gives a lot of insight into generations but in the unique placement of one’s chart it touches us with humanity. 

Pretty speeches, enchanting metaphors, crazy nights, and charming lovers lead us to our doom and a raw poem, crying ourselves to sleep, old medicine, late night graveyard walks, and maybe a rebound help us pick up the pieces. Neptune many times shows us that the unexpected is what tears us down and what lifts us back up. It teaches us nothing is inherently bad like substances, manipulation, honesty, authority, it is how it is used. Neptune shows us that you are the hero to some and the villain to others. 

Regret, shame, guilt, feeling trapped, isolation, addiction, grief, and sorrow are closely linked to Neptune. I believe many times this is due to the healing process or spiritual associations of the planet. These emotions are heavy and life-changing but they are emotions that many times need to be faced with a lot of bravery and work. They are feelings that also help us come to realizations. Neptune is associated with rebirth and if you examine emotions like regret or shame, sometimes rebirth is the only way you can shed those feelings. Neptune’s fluid nature also allows us acceptance, which is needed to deal with such heavy emotions. 

While we always talk about the lack of boundaries as a dangerous or bad thing... and it can be, these lack of boundaries like I mentioned above can allow for a very giving love and empathy, it also allows us to feel or interact with a higher power, magic, and the spiritual. Whatever your beat is - religion, magic, or the belief we are just star stuff, Neptune symbolizes our relationship with it. 

[sunkissedchldrecon]

hello🌷 id like to join the game pls 🙇🏻‍♀️

least fav placements: capricorn moon in seventh, pluto in sixth, pisces lilith in tenth

least fav aspects: moon opp asc, moon opp jupiter, mc square pluto, sun square neptune </3

thank you❣️

this took mad long, but it’s okay tbh. all of this was interesting. i’m not sure the poem i wrote encapsulates all of the placements, but i think a good amount of them are represented by it. hopefully that’s okay! x

☆彡.。.:*・☆彡.。.:*・☆彡.。.:*・☆彡.。.:*・☆彡

the moon represents our emotions, habits, and instincts. capricorn is a sign that expresses itself in a disciplined, straightforward yet cautious way. the 7H handles relationships (both romantic and business) and how we interact with others. with this placement you may appear to be very stoic with your emotions. it may be hard for you to show others that you love and care for them, and they may get the feeling that you don’t care about them while you might actually be willing to give up anything for them. you may worry that you’ll never find the “right one” when it comes to love. you could also be hiding your feelings from others in an attempt to protect yourself. relationships of all kinds (friendship, romantic, business, etc.) aren’t easy tasks. everything is a give and take. learn to be open to finding out others love/appreciation languages and slowly push yourself to reveal more. it’s okay to let your guard down.

pluto speaks on power, transformation, death, and rebirth. the 6H focuses on health, systems and habits, and service. you may feel as if you need to take things like health and service acts into your own hands. there may be times where you’ll want to change your diet completely because your old one isn’t proving to be helpful to you or you may be more innovative when it comes to thinking about your health and servicing others in general. this placement may also cause some tension in your work space as you can become so focused on the outcome of the job that you forget to take others’ ideas and feelings into consideration. you may also put a lot of effort into your career in general. the drive and head fastness that comes with this placement is very helpful, but remember to take a step back to put yourself in others’ shoes also. teach yourself to be more receptive to others’ ideas and appreciate the simple everyday routines that can seem to be boring, but actually provide stability when everything else i chaotic. also, remember to rest and let others’ take over the reigns sometimes.

i’ll be talking about black moon lilith since i think that’s what most people are referring to when they say lilith. black moon lilith represents our shadow self. it speaks on things we’re so fascinated by we hyper-fixate on them or things that we’re repulsed so much by that we avoid them. pisces causes us to be intuitive and sometimes more introspective, sometimes in manifests in unrealistic or fairytale like wants. the 10H speaks on career, status, reputation, and masculinity. you may be overly concerned about how your professional life will be. you could over criticize yourself in an attempt to force yourself to become better or you could stray away from fully analyzing your professional endeavors. you may be someone that relies on men a lot and looks to them to find purpose or be completely avoidant of them because you’ve been hurt too many times. sometimes, your love life and professional one may mix, but only because you crave validation in both. take time to be with yourself and discover what you’re good at. don’t look to others to provide you with praise; instead, look to yourself and find pride in your own beliefs on you. you’re enough on your own.

jupiter handles luck, growth, and optimism. opposition between moon and jupiter can cause tension between your emotions and habits and your growth and optimism. you could see life with rose colored glasses. you could over estimate how much you can do or how much you can provide because you just want to make others happy. this over estimation could cause you to feel like you’re always stuck in the same place of overindulging only to be left dry and feeling unwanted by others. it’s okay to care for others, but try and learn to put yourself first. say “no” when you feel uncomfortable or tired. spend more time with yourself.

MC or midheaven represents the individuality of our chart. it’s heavily associated with public life and career. squares create restriction, which forces your MC and pluto to push against one another in order for you to operate. you may want attention and crave the spotlight, but you still want your own space. this aspect could make you seem like a snake in your work place; almost like you’ll do anything to get to the top even if in reality, you have boundaries. it may also make people think they can paint you in a bad light in order to get ahead. lots of assumptions from others impacting your work and public life even if they aren’t necessarily true. learn to be okay with people’s perceptions of you. who cares if you have a RBF or come off as cold? only you and your close ones know how you actually are, and those that truly care about you will take the time to come to you personally before jumping to conclusions. the rumors about you do not equal your truth.

the sun represents our ego, life purpose, and creative energy. neptune handles illusions, escapisms, and dreams. these two square one another you may be overly cautious in indulging in your dreams and fantasies. you’ve probably been forced into this idea of who you are and what life should be that dreaming of anything different can almost feel like a sin. it’s not that don’t want to go for your dreams and illusions, but it’s like everyone pulls you down from the clouds before you can even step on the ladder. your dreams don’t have to be things you can never reach. they could become reality, but you’ll never know if you continue to let others’ view of you come before your true self. block out the noise of others.

too many whispers

flitter down the hall.

you don’t know me,

but you’ve muttered

my name

fifteen times within

the past

ten minutes.

you talk too much

for your own good,

and

i listen too much for mine.

[gloriousmonsters]

Do you have any XueYao thoughts or headcanons? I'm interested in this ship and plan to write for it but it's a rarepair so i don't have much existing content or meta to wrok with

To start off, I think a particularly fascinating aspect of the XueYao dynamic is JGY's patronage of him at the Jin sect initially, especially wrt JGY giving him his courtesy name--this is a pretty interesting post about that.

Even though I love the relationship, I actually haven't focused on the XueYao leg of the murder trio nearly as much as I have SuYao or even SuXue, so I haven't got a ton to offer 😅 but I'll try! (also, disclaimer: these are my thoughts pertaining to a more ambiguous/intense friendship type of relationship, since I'm aro af and tend to write them as having a not particularly 'romantic' relationship.)

My thoughts are mainly... I think that while Jin Guangyao didn't offer the same unconditional kindness that Xiao Xingchen did, unknowingly, and didn't offer Xue Yang that chance to simply be a person without any strings attached, Jin Guangyao was the first person to show Xue Yang consideration and friendship, and that counts for a lot.

Like (going off the book, I honestly don't remember the CQL arc of things early on as well) JGY is mentioned as personally recommending him, JGY signs him up for the Jin sect as a guest disciple, JGY gives him his courtesy name... and, most importantly, JGY just. Treats him nicely! He doesn't act like Xue Yang is trash or less than human, and while I think he has a healthy respect for Xue Yang's knife happiness, he's not really afraid of him either. He thinks he's funny and has almost indulgent-older-sibling vibes toward him in the Villainous Friends extra (buying him dumplings and giving him the Yiling Laozu's notes when he's frustrated). And while Xue Yang, still beholden to his bad bitch reputation, doesn't let it show too much, I think that means a lot to him. He's not stupid enough to trust it (at least at first...) but he just might cut a guy's tongue out if he calls JGY a whore's son. Hang out with him while he retrieves his dad from brothels. Participate gleefully when it's time to kill his dad, etc.

And, assuming that JGY and him parted ways, but JGY wasn't responsible for him winding up in a ditch... Xue Yang going back to him after Yi City was, largely, to get back the access to the materials and resources he used to have, but I imagine that part of him was also desperate to see the first friend he'd had, the one he knew was not going to judge him for anything he'd done, after things had gone so spectacularly wrong in Yi City.

On JGY's end... I think he just likes Xue Yang; finds him funny and enjoys verbally sparring with him; feels fond and protective of him. I think the fact that they began working together again later in canon speaks to that affection and feeling of responsibility--working with Xue Yang again is a risk, another thing to keep secret, and it's not like Xue Yang is in any position to blackmail him or otherwise hold leverage over him. I personally see their relationship as being less defined by the benefactor/benefactee dynamic in later canon, with JGY treating Xue Yang more like simply a friend and Xue Yang assigning a little bit more stability to their relationship, and therefore allowing it to grow more important to him. And on an essential level, Xue Yang is one of the only two people JGY discloses significant amounts of his secrets to.

I think both of them are a bit bemused by the choices the other makes (if JGY wants sympathy for his success-in-society goals, he needs to go talk to SMS) but generally respect them. JGY accepts at a certain point (when Xue Yang takes off to kill the Chang in the book, possibly, which is now making me wonder if he indicated to JGY that he was going to do this and whether JGY tried to talk him out of it at all--or, more realistically, was like 'okay but remember, don't wear the sparks and snow and NO witnesses') that he's not going to elevate XY in society, and XY accepts that while it's fun to needle JGY about it sometimes he's Not going to go apeshit because apparently he genuinely likes party planning. Weirdo (affectionate).

Oh, and this has nothing to do with headcanons but the moment in the donghua where NMJ just tries to behead Xue Yang on the spot and JGY hangs off his arm like a maiden trying to save her lover from the executioner lives in my head rent free.

[rumblelibrary]

The Diary of Doctor Laszlo Kreizler

Chapter 1

Synopsis: Alienist’s notes are private, sometimes gruesome, secrets of others and of himself.Those pages belongs to secrecy and decadence, have a glimpse to this world made of drafts, notes, accidents and reflections. Or maybe it is you the only person that should ever reach for it.

While you read this imagine Laszlo mostly at the end of his day, scraping the ideas and the thoughts, adjusting previous notes with additions, closing the day behind himself with a couple of sentences while sitting in his evening robe, a good glass of whiskey and his glasses bridged almost at the tip of his nose. Or maybe imagine yourself, you sneaky thing, reach for it from a far shelf.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: listen, this is the set of ideas and confessions of a man living in the 1890’s. Most of them will be outdated, rough, even deprecating in some analysis of the roles of men, women and social status, religion, etc.So be prepared, my point is to make Laszlo reflect upon those topics, but to be as faithful as I can to his time. Mention of death, mutilation, self harm and a minor depiction of a fight. Psychologically troubled young children ahead! Author’s note: I am a nerd for a good Victorian novel and a sexy Alienist.I have always been charmed by Laszlo’s mind and inner conflicts. So I took the chance and tried to have a run into that rollercoaster.  The story is placed between season 1 and season 2.

Diary belonging to Dr. Laszlo Kreizler.  This is a professional book of annotations over medical treatments of an alienist toward his patients. Do not disclose and send it back to the address if found: Kreizler’s Institute, xxxxxx, New York City (NY) L.K.

Samuel Griswold Goodrich, Illustrated Natural History of the Animal Kingdom (c1859). Contributed for digitization by University Library, University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.

Schiller in his “Die Weltweisen” wrote: So long as philosophy keeps together the structure of the Universe so long does it maintain the world’s machinery by hunger and love. From the philosopher point of view sexual life takes a subordinate position in human’s life, from recent studies pushed by European philosophers, everything is about sexuality and its development. I like to think of the experience of being an alienist as the process of Queen Penelope that, while waiting for her husband Ulysses return, undoes her craftwork every night. I undo the fabulous constructs of people’s beliefs to go back to the rough sketch that stands at the beginning of their loss, their complex, their pain. Maybe that’s why working with children is so motivating and fascinating. They can be saved and yet, I am well aware, some of those sketches already traced in their young lives equal to scars that not even the most advanced theories could cure. But I can sooth them. I can prevent them the torment, the anguish, the recollection at night of those monsters. I feel like a poet would be a better alienist than a philosopher, but I have got no poetry nor philosophy in my veins, but the cold experience of the razor blade judgment of Life itself.

Today I observed a fight among the children at the Institute. Age range between 10 and 12. Boys. The fight was over the possession of a side of the playground, the territory of a pack  of youngsters formed under the name of Steven. Peculiar lad, coming from a military background finds comfort in replicating the schemes he lived in his family. He takes the role of the Father/Captain of the team and subjects children that come from a similar background story, but do not posses his same attitude to the command. All quiet on the front, until the space he declared is own spot got affected by the presence of others.  Intruders. I knowingly let the events unfold to see how Steven would react to his challenged authority. His reaction was, at first, worded, a sketch, a stage-play of an action he witnessed over and over, and he knew the part so well that some of the contending kids lowered their stance against him. Among considering to mildly intervene into this pyramid scheme of authority, another boy, Jan, calls himself on the role of the educator and hero of the masses and proceeds to unfold a wild and well assessed punch on the newly declared dictator face. Balance is established again. No need for me to arbitrate, once more the laws of nature seem to apply to children as in a state of nature.

Meet John Moore over lunch. His job at the newspaper is picking up, he is charmed by the spirits and the wits that he finds in his shared office with all the other writers. He mentions many, goes on and on over qualities and troubles, gossips and tendencies, and even little scandals here and there. To be aware of all those details gives me no interest, but to see a dear friend so invested clearly gives me something to pick up. To consider also the amount of details and the way he describes this or that member of the journal, I can do a small exercise of analysis. It is almost too easy because John is painfully genuine, even some of the kids at the institute would beat him hands down in a battle of lies. The more he likes somebody, the more he goes on about all the details and the characteristics, often letting aside the physical appearance. When he doesn’t like somebody he has a couple of adjectives for the wits and around four or five for the physical aspects that usually indulge on some repulsive idiosyncrasies.  John is a man that painfully fits in the storyline of The Picture of Dorian Gray: to him physical beauty is spiritual beauty and, of course, the other way around. This part of him surely intrigues me, makes me want to tease more from him. But, as a friend, it concerns me as John is way too prone to purposelessly decide that somebody with good eyes is also a good human being, which is a very romantic and admirably naive way of judging matters. I noticed some names that keep repeating in his narration. I dread that it is synonymous of a soon encounter from my side with the objects of his admiration. Fetiches, I dare to say, that I will have to annihilate before they sediment into his mind, perpetuating a narration that soon sees John being mislead by others.

Reserved: Tickets for the Eroica, Symphony n. 3 by Ludwig van Beethoven. Thursday evening.

Note on the show: the first movement lacked the pathos needed to begin with, I am not sure that the guest orchestra really managed to portray the wider emotional ground needed to withstand the whole representation. As the evening progressed there were some outstanding performances by the cellists. Still not approving the choice of reprising the early quick finale movement against the lengthy set of variations and fugue that we are used to in presence of the Eroica. Underwhelming the performance of the horn and oboe, vital in the comprehension of the genius of Beethoven. 

Niki is a new addition of the Institute, quite old for the standards. He is already 16, he will leave when summer ends to some expensive college his family meant him to stay. His parents expect me to make him “normal” in the time we are allowed together.  He is Austrian and I let him act it out like I don’t understand German for the first week of hist stay until today. I believe I hit his pride, which is good, in the moment I answered back to one of his sneaky comments. Now he knows. He is not safe from me, he doesn’t like it. The young man has a tendency to danger, risky tasks and edgy situations. In his mother’s own words “Niki is not afraid of anything”. The phrase didn’t raise any excitement in the father, rather some sort of painful acceptance that is role as the alpha male of the house is probably not only being challenged, but  already diminished, if not abolished. I have taken in consideration that Niki will break himself a bone or two in the process of the therapy, probably out of the spite of boredom or rebellion. It took him less than few days to turn himself into an outcast among the outcasts, which only drives me closer to analyse the complexity of his narcissistic wall of self defence. I gave him a physical challenge to lift a certain weight, he is a pretty skinny one, he didn’t like the challenge, but I am sure he will take it. He is a brainy guy, he hates to be questioned on unfamiliar ground. He won’t sleep at night thinking about it.  A challenge, in this first phase, can only bring me closer to the ease of his pains. To continue the observation.

It is a sad privilege of medicine, in particular the one I practice, to be able to witness the weaknesses of the human nature and the reverse side of life. Nevertheless, I oblige this same privilege of the study as life moves into shades of darkness. To be aware of it gives more solace to my soul than to be victim of patiently waiting for the inevitable unfolding of the events. To be able to understand more about psychology would bring more comfort and elevation to any human being, the times might not be there yet, but eventually something will move into the direction of a more wholesome approach.

Dinner meeting with Sara Howard, at the restaurant Jardin Des Cygnes, 7 pm sharp.  Do not expect to reach the dessert. Do not know if John will be participating due to undeniable tension among the two and the fatal despise of John over French cuisine.

The case that Sara unfolded tonight to my ears feels more and more like pulled out from some gothic book or from the mind of a Roman historian that needed to justify the godly origins of an Emperor. One killing, apparently random, a very constructed iconography over the body. Signs and insults, shapes and drawings. Is this a work of art? Does the killer wants his victim to be his Mona Lisa? His David? I am charmed and destabilised. If this was a murder like any other, then why to spend so much time into it? Based on the description the act of killing itself was quick: a sharp cut over the throat, almost like not wanting to ruin too much the surface to use as base for, what? I keep rerunning those symbols over and over as Sara described them to me, my mind is flooded with the designs of greek philosophers that needed to explain themselves why the sky is above our head and never collapses on us. Hilarious how, no matter the science advancement, in the mind of many the sky stands inevitably overt their shoulders, suffocates them, brings them to a death of the soul and not of the body. Is all this graphic charade indeed only a form to scream for attention?  To stress the eyes of an unaware viewer? It seems ridiculously elaborate, a scream for attention would be quick, it would be like guided by instinct, not reasoning, craftwork. Any man with a knife can paint in blood red the walls of a room and that’s asking for attention. That is the primal howl: look at me! I am here! But this one.  I don’t know yet.

Spent the early morning reading anew my copy of The Metamorphosis by Ovid. Didn’t touch it in a long time and I got bedazzled by the world of terrible sensuality, anger and selfishness of those gods and mortals. I think back at all the deviances and weaknesses of human kind and I try to relate it to all of those humanoid figures. Niki would be a minotaur, the lonesome son left in the labyrinth and his strive for success is his bull’s head. Or maybe a centaur, because of his wits and strategic thinking. I might keep up the process, maybe this is the way to understand my patients better, to understand the killer better. Must remember not to romanticise it. Greek gods were probably the first form of self indulging of a society that needed gods to be forgiving and allowing favours and punishments, but only in exchange of sacrifices. But the sacrifice never comes from the God’s will, but from the will of the man that perpetuates the act of killing. To sacrifice someone or something is the sadistic response to a lack of love deeply inherited in human mind that becomes neurotic. Is the killer giving the God of his own neurosis a body to feast upon? 

I talked with Jan this morning. The young boy is about 10, but he acts like a full grown adult. I could easily asses that’s the reason why he could challenge Steven in that fight. Two children mimicking adults situations they know too well. Jan is son of an industrial man, but he is also son of the dialectics of the industrial revolution. He sounds like he swallowed some of those books about working class rights and communism, probably pushed by a resentful surrounding (mother?uncle? the midwife?) over the social role of his father. As much as incredibly smart and lectured, Jan lost most of his early occasions in life by spending a considerable amount of time using his fists. The anger ever present in the young boy always surprises me, he seems to be holding a power, a strength of a full grown man in those tiny arms. Nevertheless, he is already the tallest of the group. He is surely an idealist, which makes him also tragically fragile. His strength mixed with his heart of gold can make him the best of the heroes or the worst of the villains. He apologised for the fight, he specified how he didn’t like the sound of Steven’s voice, more than the sound, the level of pitch.  I can’t stand somebody shouting orders, I just don’t listen anymore. He is so mature even about his own feelings, almost a gentleman in his chivalry toward the weaker children, honest with his open heart and resentful against any form of injustice.  I am not spared by his ways, he would come at me whenever he feels like I was being partial over some of the kids, his sense of justice blinds him and transform a perfectly balanced boy into a ranging animal.

Ordered book, to be delivered around tomorrow evening: Introduction à la méthode de Léonard de Vinci by Paul Valéry. Suddenly feeling myself as a gross ignorant in art themes. I always regarded myself aware of the artistic personalities and tendencies of present and past, but this new amount of perceptions over the human figure and the human body leads me to document myself more. I could ask John for advice, but he wouldn’t take things at matter that seriously. I can almost hear him say how I can make gruesome a pleasant topic such as art. I should probably wait to see the body to push any further aesthetic study, but I find myself not being able to stop. I reckon, I can allow myself a vice or two.

Today I saw the body of the killed man, courtesy of the Isaacson's. To be fair, I had underestimated it. In Sara’s descriptions, probably due to her more analytic mind, all the charm of the representation got lost in favour of a less cryptic and reasonable understanding of the act. Sara got what some alienists will call a masculine mind, which I don’t perfectly agree on. If I apply that same approach John would be a very feminine mind, all wrapped up in romanticising even the ugliest. I guess that dividing the world in “fragile and gentle” and “strong and powerful” is just easier to explain the fluctuation of something that doesn’t need a real name or a category like human inclinations on thoughts.  I got a feverish sense of patience by looking at the body. Each symbol traced with sapient slowness, dense of the time that the killer spent with the body. That is a work of hours, he had time and meaning. He had resources and was able to spend not less than the time he needed to reach, a vision? An ideal? A message? Is it the message meant to be understood? Am I supposed to unravel it or it is maybe just the way the killer communicates within himself? And if I do decifrate the code, will that bring me closer to him? Or to his next victim?

Reminder: ask John to replicate all the symbols on the bodies in the correct measure and order. It might be needed some hard convincing. Addition: scheduled meeting, his house, 3 pm.

It wasn’t a day like any other when I met you. Or maybe it was, and that’s why I got so struck by it and now I am here playing it over and over through what my memory clung on so desperately. In my own experience, life was often similar to swimming in a lake. Those rich, dense lakes in the north of (illegible cancelled word) were my father used to bring us during summer. I still feel the pull, the draw down toward the abyss. It ashamed me, in a way, the fear that such a simple feeling aroused in my young mind, unaware nevertheless, that such a feeling would follow me through all my existence. It was a prophecy and, like most of the prophecies, was a riddle. I cradle in my heart the charm of those days, the mindless happiness. The foolish feeling of freedom. Little I knew that freedom would be taken away from me that soon, that the body that used to navigate me over the dense waters, helping me to fight the haul toward the unknown, would become my own cage. That day. Today. The day where I met you, the day I was afloat.  The child gasping for air felt the wrench become a gentle push and now he is floating on his back over the scary waters of reality and malice. It gave me relief and it gave me terror, because since that very moment I knew that I would never be able to move on from the sight of you. From the feeling of your eyes lingering on me. From the smile you so easily shone upon me. From the whiff of imported perfume that hit me when you turned on side exploding that swan like neck. And nothing, not even my stern look, could dim that wave of hope that your sole presence washed over me. The abyss roars, calls me to a home of damnation and terror and curses my name and yet you repeated that hell-bound name of mine after me and I felt safe.

John told me so much about you, it feels like I have always known you.

The rope is gone from my neck, the guillotine won’t fall on me, I am spared, I am free.

I have read your latest article, I am thrilled to help with the case.

I am in disbelief.

Your voice.

Dr. Kreizler

How dare you? How dare you to come into my life, to appear, like a vision, mystical, in a way I despised at University when all those theology students talked about the divine. In this very moment I can’t recollect much of what you said, something about the case, about going with John at the obituary. It feels confusing, I feel overstimulated, my memory fails me, I am not sure anymore. I write these few lines and it is passed the hour of the witches and I wish, I demand, to never see you again, because life should never grant hope to a condemned man. 

[lastoutpost]

What are your favourite scenes/parts about last outpost? Go crazy I want to hear it 👂

blarrghhhh finally. The Ask for Me

this is sooo indulgent I love you

okay so. I am so Crazy about last outpost because it narratively puts Sam and Dean in a spot where they quite literally have no one except each other. Not only that, but they are forced to confront what that really means -- and forced to reconcile the fact that once all the dust settles, they really don't mind. Just being alone with each other is all they've ever wanted anyway.

And if that isn't the essence of early seasons Sam and Dean perfectly distilled....

But I also love the world building. What would happen if you were the last two people on earth? How would you prep and survive and cope? This story has stuck with me for so long because it's an interesting thought exercise, and something I bring up in conversations all the time (obviously w/o mentioning that I got the idea from a fanfiction). Needing to pump lots of gasoline before the pumps stopped working and having to get far away from nuclear plants and spray painting coordinates to your location all feel like really realistic aspects of an apocalypse scenario that often get overlooked in favor of zombies or whatever antagonist exists in the story. There isn't an antagonist in this story; notably, the reason for everyone's disappearance is never explained, and that lets the imagination run wild and also poses a lot of realistic survival questions that are fun to think about and explore.

The scene that stuck with me the most, though, is when they go house to house kicking in doors to let the animals out. It's such a human thing to do and their emotional reactions to having to confront the fact that they can't save everything, that in fact there is nothing left to save but animals, is fascinating. How do we take two men who have built their lives around being heroes and saving the day and put them in a situation where there's nothing to save? It is an interesting look at the core components of their characterizations.

The second scene that really sticks in my psyche is when Sam thinks Dean has gone missing and is like sprinting through the streets screaming his name. It evokes such a raw feeling. Not only can they not live without each other when there are other people in the world, now you've gone and lost the one person who is left AND the one person you love most! The hysteria is so tangible and realistic. Same when Sam falls off the roof towards the end of the story. I really, really want to read (or write ???) a last outpost sequel where one of them does die. They've had a lot of time to come to terms with their situation, but what does it mean to be the last of your species? To be totally alone in the world? How would you go on?

Basically -- Last Outpost gets at the core theme of Supernatural -- Sam and Dean are psychotically, irrationally, erotically, codependent on each other -- and explores that dynamic in an interesting & fresh post apocalyptic scenario that is intriguing beyond it's function as the background to their relationship drama. 10/10 story, would yell about again

[alfredosauce50]

would you be down to do 2p china hc’s? im very curious on how you characterize him!

I’m down! I’m guessing you figured I had my own interpretation of the guy after I answered an ask saying I’d write for him. I really like 2p! China as a character, but I have to say, I haven’t properly written for him before. Nevertheless, I’ll give you my thoughts on him as a person!

2p! China Headcanons

Zao’s appearance doesn’t give away much of his personality. He’s got a bit of a baby face, and he has a sociable and pleasant demeanor for the most part. So if you didn’t know him well enough to see past those traits, you would be surprised at how shady he can be.

Appearance

Like his 1p counterpart, his dark brown hair goes past his shoulders and is tied back in a low ponytail. It’s pretty thin too, so it stays flat against his back. But that’s what makes it look so good. He isn’t the tallest guy out there, as he stands around 170cm or 5′7″. Doesn’t mean you can easily take him out in a fight, though. He’s quite slender, but he’s muscular and knows a few martial arts to boot.

He has a lot of tattoos, and he doesn’t try to hide them. He has dragons curling down his arms, as well as Chinese characters etched into his back. Most of the time, he wears traditional clothing, such as a sleeveless Tang suit, so his arms are exposed. It’s almost as if the colors black and red were made for him. And he knows it. So unless he’s having a bad day where he’ll go for a simple T-shirt, he likes to dress to impress. Not that he even needs to try.

He’s devilishly attractive, and the way he talks gets girls flocking to him.

Personality

Zao is very easy-going and open-minded. He’ll talk about anything with anyone. Everything is fascinating in a way, and nothing seems to faze him either. So he’s the type to question the most trivial things in life--or list drugs as casually as you would your favorite candy bars. It’s also difficult to shock him, or anger him. When life deals him a bad hand, or springs up inconveniences, he’ll go with the flow because that’s life. So unless something involves the person he likes, he keeps himself pretty level-headed.

With his willingness to talk about anything, comes his brutal honesty and bluntness. So sometimes, he’ll find himself offending people even if he never meant to. If he does this to women, they’ll slap him before storming off, leaving him in confusion at what he did wrong. But if he does this to men, he’ll have to be quick on his feet to escape a potential fight. Unlike a few other 2ps, he has a good temperament so he avoids violence, but he’ll resort to it if he absolutely has to.

Despite the careers he’s depicted to have, like being a drug-dealer, something in adult entertainment, night-life, or anything illegal, he has strong fraternal instincts. If somebody embodied the “big brother” trope, it would be him. He cares a lot for his younger siblings, and they look up to him as a role model. But he’ll always tell them, “Do as I say, not as I do!” As comfortable as he is in his own skin, his own identity, he wouldn’t want them taking after him.

He’s very flirtatious, and a huge tease. How he shows he likes you is through making you blush, or embarrassed. He’ll call you pet names. Shower you with compliments. Refer to you as if you and him are already an item. If you bumped into him at a grocery store, he’ll help you shop, then say, “So, is that all we need? I can’t wait for dinner tonight.” Zao is also unapologetically dirty-minded. He’s all about dirty jokes, conversations, and gestures. The bigger reaction he gets, the more addicting they are.

He doesn’t have any qualifications, not even a high school diploma, but he’s street-smart to make up for it. That’s how he makes so many connections and hustles his way up to the top in shady businesses. If you need something, anything, legal or illegal, expensive or cheap, you can ask him, and 99% of the time, he’ll say, “I know a guy.” If he likes you, all he wants in return is something perverted. A kiss, maybe. Or maybe your underwear.

Interests

He loves anything cute, and he doesn’t hide it. Sanrio is a must--he keeps a collection of their plushies, most of them being Hello Kitty, but he also likes other characters such as Cinnamoroll and Pompompurin. Sometimes, he can get a bit obsessive over whatever sells fast. So if he has to, he’ll stay up and keep refreshing the page selling whatever he has his eyes on. If he’s infamous for his connections that let him get pretty much anything he wants, surely he can get his hands on the limited-edition Hello Kitty-themed towel, right!? He isn’t against having other kinds of merchandise either, like household items, but he keeps it lowkey for functionality.

In his house, you’ll find a lot of imports from East-Asian countries. Not only is he used to using them when he was back in China, they’re better than what you can find in America. Or at least, in his opinion. This includes cosmetics, snacks, alcohol, and decorations.

Although he doesn’t have a lot of time to, he enjoys watching anime. That’s why he makes sure to get through the most popular and mainstream ones first.

Zao likes to keep connected with his culture. He doesn’t care to assimilate, and being ‘different’ doesn’t bother him at all--he thinks it’s what gives him a unique personality and background. Since he doesn’t have a lot of friends to speak Mandarin with, he’ll look for his neighbors who can, and strike up a conversation every now and then. As well as that, he’ll give his siblings red pockets for Chinese New Year so they can spend it on food, videogames or whatever they want.

He can’t cook for shit. Even then, he has strong opinions on food, especially Chinese. While he enjoys westernised take out like Panda express, he wishes people would stop assuming Chinese cuisine is just dumplings, fried rice, noodles and yum cha. They’re B-tier at best. For a country with that rich and long a history, there’s so much more to indulge in. Too bad he can’t make anything if he tried.

Psychology + romance

Zao is used to being a second choice. His cheerfulness and bluntness make other people think he’s creepy or weird, so he can’t quite wrap his head around somebody liking him to that degree--or getting particularly close to him. At least, emotionally. There are a lot of girls who want him for one-night stands. But this doesn’t stop him from flirting with someone he genuinely likes, even if he doesn’t expect anything in return. It’s fun because they get flustered, after all. But when they start returning the same energy, get persistent, or even make him suspect that they like him back, he will get nervous. He’s used to being the chaser, not the other way around. So if the tables turn and things start getting real, he will back away.

As confident as he is with his image, it’s difficult for him to get intimate with somebody romantically. He’s open, but can’t be vulnerable. He’d rather keep things casual, so when he really falls for someone, he’ll be conflicted between keeping things the way they are, or pursuing them.

Eventually, these feelings will deepen to the point being just friends becomes suffocating. That’s when Zao loses his cool and gets frustrated. It could happen due to a build-up of his emotions, or an event that makes him explode from jealousy. He’ll get desperate after so long of not doing anything and make it very clear he wants you. “Just date me already!”

When he finally gets together with you, prepare to be coddled. He’ll want to help you with anything the best way he can, and go to extreme lengths to do so. Nothing seems extreme when it’s for somebody he cares so much about. While he never holds it against you--how much he does for you--he may or may not guilt trip you into giving him more affection. But only subtly. Instead of him kissing you, he'll loiter around your presence until you kiss him. And when you do, he’ll smile like an idiot.

He never makes it explicit when he wants to take you out on a date. Zao will just ask you if you’re free, and take you out for the night. He doesn’t see a point in labelling it as a ‘date’, because he doesn’t just see quality time with you through a romantic and sexual lens. He values the friendship aspect of it as well, and you really appreciate him for it.

Zao loves to cuddle. He doesn’t hug you much throughout the day, but when you’re at home and about to sleep, he will hug you, a lot. He won’t let go while he talks to you, and will only loosen his coils when you fall asleep.

Acknowledgements

I was mainly inspired by the 2p! China in the story, “Dragon District”, written by xYourHero. So props to them. The fandom’s perception of him has definitely deepened because of it, and it’s great seeing underrated 2ps finally getting the attention they deserve! I’m one of the people who’s had my characterization of Zao take after hers, so I’ll also be crediting her for my headcanons.

You can find the story on DeviantArt, Archive of our own and Wattpad. I adored that fic back in the day. Such good memories. I wasn’t even writing back when I was reading it. Any who, let’s get right into it. I’ve divided the headcanons into subcategories, appearance, personality, interests, and psychology + romance.

(Look at this fanart is by Amphany on DeviantArt. It was drawn for xYourHero. I’m gonna put it here for reference. https://www.deviantart.com/amphany/art/Dragon-smoke-548426383)

[plutoswrath]

i’m jealous of your big heart when it comes to animals lmao. i’m arachnophobic and it can be so annoying to have sometimes. i haven’t been able to tie it back to astrology, as much as i would like to. i asked because i was wondering if there was a clear indicator based off certain placements like how 6th house rules animals, 6th is ruled by mercury so i jumbled them even though i probs shouldn’t have lol. and with venus it ties to personal taste so i wondered if it could indicate a liking towards a certain animal. i have sag and sag venus in 6th and embarrassingly enough, i was obsessed with horses. like i came out of the womb adoring them. as soon as i learned to talk i was a walking horse encyclopedia. my obsession died down. i’m not a horse girl, i swear on my life.

i agree with you about the cancer loving animals. animals are babies and momma cancer loves to nurture the babies. i feel like cancers are the most likely to hate the “are you a dog or cat person” question. they’d get offended because how dare someone assume their heart isn’t big enough for both. more than both, really. throw a turtle in there. a rabbit even. cancer asc peeps usually have a shit ton of animals. it’s probably the sag/abundance in the 6th. or they either own a horse or Great Dane. but this is off topic because i forgot i had a follow up question.

if you could tie an animal or a couple animals to each sign that you think best represents that sign? or just seems like one they’d like? some are so easy and others just leave me blank. my arachnophobia thinks scorpio’s deserve better than scorpions but my terror blinds me. but i was looking up the symbolism behind animals and tying them to signs. so far, i’ve concluded that while horses should go with sag, their highly intuitive and empathetic animals. their behavior is like a mirror so if you’re nervous, they are too. so pisces or cancer actually seems to be a better fit. and to stay on topic of cancer with animals, i always tie wolves and dogs in general to cancer. the wolves are tied to the moon and familial dynamics and also i think they’re a great symbolic opposition to leo and how leos tend to resemble cats. sun and moon, dog and cat, night and day, that sort of thing. i realized i’ve rambled but i’m looking forward to your opinion because i’m so lost on what other signs would have. it’s been a year old question in my brain and it’s time for help from the master.

I'm sorry to hear that, I'm had a friend once who was arachnophobic and having phobias like these is really no fun, I can't imagine what it feels like really having them. And omg don't feel bad for liking horses when you were a child, literally so many children, especially young girls, like horses simply because people decided horses where a 'teenage girls only' thing somehow?? (and I will have to dig deeper into this at a point because here where I come from the horse girl thing is soooo painfully real and I want to understand the phenomena). And if I'm not mistake, arachnophobia (like most types of phobias), stem from some kind of trauma right? I absolutely don't try to get to personal but if we look at phobias in that way, maybe it's good to also include looking at planets/asteroids that point to trauma or aspects that can represent/indicate traumatic experiences in that sense! And I agree wholeheartedly to the 'dog or cat' question, I don't get offended by it but I hate this question in general because every animal deserves my love and empathy adfghj and yes, mother feelings definitely play into this haha! I think cancers enjoy (to an extent) having that occasional (or constant) outlet for their nurturing side and the bound you have to animals is also very intuitive and requires a lot of patience and getting educated as well as being observant and reading between the lines somehow and all that dedication paired with emotional knowledge just really speaks to water signs in general (and animals don't judge openly with words, just your energy asdfgh) Uhh, I like the question regarding the animals and I agree with your takes on it so far!! I think one animal can not represent all the core traits of a sign alltogether, but I'll try my best here! and psdfghj no need to call me master because I'm literally so far from anything close to that but thank you so much still, I feel honored really!!

The Signs as Animals:

Disclaimer: some of them are inspired by my ‘the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit’ tarot deck.

Aries: House cat. I know, I always thought cats actually link pretty well to Aries! Cats are just the perfect mixture of intelligen and curious, reserved, stubborn, aggressive, senstive as well as playful/impulsive! They are quick to learn and not afraid to face off against any other, bigger animals, but also can live pretty well together with other pets in the house, as long as they don‘t bother them too much. Especially when it comes to intimacy/pda they are very picky, but forceful when demand it. Seem flexible and unbothered at first but actually have the firmest boundaries when it comes to their personal freedom. Will let you believe they need you but give it a few weeks and the neighbor has better treats than you and gone they are asdfgh, but it's actually a harmful stereotype to believe that cats don't need you because they can become extremely fond of you and grow very attached.

Taurus: Elk. Based on the interpretation of my tarot deck. The elk represents earth energy, it is grounded, is established in itself and knows their core values and acts according to them. They show consistency, coherence and care. Dedicated to who they love and what they care for. Can become narrow minded due to knowing what's best, based on their perception of what's right and necessary, which can effect their ego negatively. Very Taurus for me. Gemini: Dragonfly. I refer to the interpretation of the Dragonfly based on my tarot deck. The dragonfly represents the mind: everchanging, quick, fascinating, a reflection of the world inside us and aroudn us. As the dragonfly is very quick (refering to Mercury's fast and nervous energy) the dragonfly also calles for paying attention to what quality our mind has and to become mindful, because on first glance things always appear different tahn on first glance (Mercury floats between detail-oriented and paying attenetion and being too fast, impatient). The dragonfly is joy and magic, as well as impatience, restlessness and being unable to concentrate. Cancer: Killer Whales (but also whales in general)! I thought especially about Killer Whales, because I once watched a documentary on them and they went in depth about how they have different cultures and different languages even (if I remember correctly) in their familys. Cancer often gets associated with the home life, but I think I wanted to look at it from another perspective, as in how does family 'become' family and how do those family roots develope, what do they consist of, how do we define family and what holds it together (and especially: how do our roots shape our own emotional patterns and nature in life?). I think the mystery of the Killer Whales but the whole complexity that lies behind the fascination of how these animals function and also how deeply affected Killer Whales are by their emotions/when they are absent from their kin, just opens up another big question of family dynamics and how we relate to one another and how principles we always condoned to human beings now apply to animals too. I think the whole part about the Killer Whales relation to emotions and their family's cultures just really made me link them to Cancer. Leo: Otter. I refer o the meaning of teh Otter based on my tarot deck. The Otter resembles the energy of the inner child: it's pure bliss, playfulness, they love to live and live for life itself, and out of this eagerness to enjoy life comes also a contentment and completeness towards life itself. To reconnect with otter energy, it is advised to step into settings of celebration, or total creative self expression and from the outside looking 'unproductive/selfish' indulgence. But actually, this energy is what makes life so enjoyable in the first place.

Virgo: Octopus. Highly intelligent beings that can quickly adapt and take the initiative. Self sufficient by nature, they aren't aggressive unless provoked, they like to mind their business unless they get curious (then they cling heavy onto you because you are their new object of interest). They can change color if it's needed (Virgo is a mutuable sign and can blend in perfectly in social occasions/new situations) and tbh the inking part about octopus just reminds me of the fact that most Virgos have a really quirky side to them you only get to see when you annoy them long enough (aka you are a long term friend). Libra: Gazelle. I refer to the meaning of ten Gazelle based on my tarot deck. The gazelle combines the creation of beauty and harmony, creativity and hyper awareness of it's surroundings, very affected of the imbalances in it's environment, but in it's try to remain this beauty around them, they tend to forget their achievments and stay in the present with their thoughts, as they constantly wheigh out the 'what if's'. A very perceptive animal in the tarot deck and this attribute is equally it's strong suit and downfall. Scorpio: Tiger. I refer here to the meaning of the Tiger based on my tarot deck. Waits in stillness and darkness to reconnect to their own inner power. Healing in isolation with the help of the lunar forces, waiting to regenerate. The Tiger energy shows itself in being passionate, sensual and stepping into ones own power, recognizing ones strength. For me, this is very Scorpio (Moon) for me. When the Tiger in unbalanced, it becomes overstimulated and acts according to this hyperawareness. Sagittarius: Zebra. I refer here to the meaning of the Zebra based on my tarot deck. The Zebra stands for an open mind, visionary and eccentric, new thinking, as well as being young at heart and expansion. I personally connect horses with passion and drive, because they are truly powerhouses. Based on the meaning of my tarit deck, the Zebra also is sociable, at least people find themselves drawn to the energy of the Zebra because it triggers their desire to learn, and I think this is something very beautiful Sagittarius symbolizes when they come into your life: be prepared to broaden your horizon for more. 

Capricorn: Camel. I refer to the meaning of the Camel based on my tarot deck. Camels here represent absolute dependence on self and being able to find the answer to problems in oneself. This self reliance and capability reminds me of capricorns, the camel is finding the 'cool' aka water inside of them and Capricorn is traditionally also symbolized as the sea-goat (which I seriously think should really be considered when anaylzing this archetype) and Capricorns have (imo at least) a rich emotional life, but it's just deeply locked within. The Camel represents showing responsibility for their own actions, regulating the self and circumstances around them as best as they can, which makes sense for Capricorns, ruled by Saturn they usually are confronted with task in their life. If the Camel energy is out of balance, it shows a lack of vitality, with Capricorn representing the senior age in life makes sense, especially since Capricorns can tend to feel very old (exhausted)- Aquarius: Platypus- and no, I’m not using the Platypus because ‚wow all Aquarius are so weird like straight up aliens 🤪🤪’ I think the platypus is a good representation because it makes us question what we’ve known so far about animals and Aquarius too is a sign that introduces us to new ideas and perspectives all in the favor of progress and considering alternatives, leaving the status quo. Pisces:  Raven/Crow. I name these two in particular because as far as I know it’s only the ravens that have been documented intimating people’s voices and tones, but crows are definitely more known for their bright mind. For me people often forget Pisces mutable nature and how quick witted they actually are. These birds are hyper intelligent and their observational skills are truly amazing. In my Wild Uknown Animal Spirit deck, the crow is an animal carrying 3rd eye energy. Here, the view is clear, the crow is moving through different dimensions and sees what other’s cant. For and the emotional depth (void) Pisces is conencted to it just seem to make sense. 

[elle-imagines]

What are your headcanons of being in a relationship with Kisuke Urahara SFW/NSFW?

Sure thing! He’s such a hard character for me to write for, so I hope there is some semblance of good characterization. Enjoy :)

SFW

Definitely a man content with you and the relationship you both share. He is very laid-back and willing to give you time and space when you need it. No questions about who you hang out with or where you were a few nights ago. He’s Kisuke. He could sniff out motives and lies very easily, and that’s something he wouldn’t even feel the need to do with you. Kisuke has a quiet confidence about him. It does well at ensuring you will be safe and okay when you’re around him. It takes a lot to get him upset, therefore communication flows easily between you two. 

He’s not one to take the lead most times and will follow along with what you’d like to do regarding most things. He does not require a lot to be happy with you, only your company and maybe a few indulgences here and there.

I’m sure his hands are used to giving certain kitties scratches behind the ears, so expect plenty of pats, ruffles, and languid strokes. It could be a pat on your head after you do something “cute” or a leisurely caress against your thigh as you both relax in the evening. He may seem like he isn’t touchy, but he makes sure you feel his presence through his hands throughout the day.

Yes, he has a habit of his hands stray too far.

Speaking of habits, he has a bad habit of ignoring conflict between you two. He will focus on his work, making sure the shop is running properly, or giving you too much space. People skills are not an expertise he likes to indulge in, so he may respond to conflict by trying to fix the problem instead of giving the support and attention you need.

Kisuke knows more about you than he lets on. He’s a great listener and can pick up on your thoughts without much effort. What is unsaid is heard by him. What you wish to share is something he may have already guessed. Kisuke, although seemingly distraced at times, can anticipate your needs and help you before you may even notice. Forgot to charge your phone? It’s plugged in. Have something on your mind? He will sit beside you silently, ready to listen. Bored? He has a few ideas for you… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

With you, he feels less lost and different from those around him. He appreciates and even seeks out your eccentricities or strange habits and collections. No part of him is attracted to what is normative. He finds most things boring, but every aspect of you grips his attention like nothing else. He’s the type of S/O that won’t react negatively when you share your innermost secrets. 

“Oh really?” 

“Ah, you can’t just tell me and not show me.” 

“Tell me more; don’t just stop there.”

“You’re very interesting - not being sarcastic, I promise!”

Intellectual discussion is very necessary! He becomes passionate when showing you his latest and greatest inventions, and enjoys sharing ideas with you. A small part of him really warms to your fascination and praise of him. What is most important to Kisuke is keeping an open mind for everything. You are most likely aware that his shop is a disguise for plenty of Shinigami operations, and I’m postitive he wouldn’t think of dating you in the first place if you were judgemental or did not support what he does. Kisuke is happy, even eager, to hear your thoughts on anything from your favorite pets to human (or Shinigami) nature. Late night discussions over sake is a relaxant for him.

When you both began dating, Kisuke snoops around for information about you. He just can’t get enough of you, even if it crosses ethical lines (sigh). Kisuke is absolutely the type to do a deep investigation of you via the help of his “undercover agents” Jinta and Ururu. You catch on very quickly.

He’s very, very adept at hiding his shy nature around you. Sometimes, you make him feel shy no matter how many years have passed. Relationships require a level of vulnerability he is not used to showing, so patience and understanding is needed on your part when he closes off behind humor or feigned confusion.

When you both communicate by cell phone, he normally leaves you on read or leaves emojis when you ask a question. He’s horrible at keeping it on him, so something Jinta or Ururu would text you that they just found the phone somewhere ridiculous such as in a tree or empty bottle of sake (like, how?). Kisuke prefers to communicate in meme format. 

Despite being a master strategist, master swordsman, master candy seller, he still talks down to himself. Kisuke is great at being humble, but he can downplay his success a lot perhaps due to lingering feelings surrounding his exile. Although he laughs it off, catch him on it and let him know he’s more than adequate just as he is, and his accomplishments are to his name.

“Oh, little ol’ me? Don’t be silly.”

“You flatter me too much, sweetheart.”

NSFW

Remember I said open-minded? This applies here, too. You could list some of the most uncommon kinks you like and he’d just stare back at you with a look that communicates, “then let’s get started”. He has a preference for hair-pulling, dirt talking, perhaps some vouyerism and orgasm control as well.

In bed, he can switch between taking the lead and relaxing to let you take over. Sex is very fun and relaxed for him, so he won’t be frazzled if you want to get on top or you don’t like something in particular. Expect to laugh, for strange sounds to not be awkward, and for it not to be rushed and crazed. He prefers an unhurried, slow torture that leaves both of you shaking.

He prefers deep and slow than fast and hard. He learns what zones and spots get you to keel or become short of breath. Kisuke will take the time to slowly study your body, its triggers, its breaking points. Performing oral is slow and frustrating, just as he likes it. There are moments when he’d just stare at you there, using his index finger to softly carress you in a way that gets you to clench or twitch. He will definitely be the first partner to make you aware that you have a sensitive area behind your knees or right at the small of your back. 

“This seems to get you going.”

“Suddenly shy, now? Let me look, just for a bit…”

“I see now. I may have learned something new.”

For Kisuke, his scalp is very sensitive. A sharp tug is a silent action to get him to thrust faster, and a rake of your nails down his scalp tells him to go slower. You can be a bit rough with him, since he likes sharp sensations soothed by soft ones. When using your hands on him, feel free to oscilatte between a tight grip around him and a quick clench around his balls, then softening the sliver of pain with your mouth at the frenulum. Mad skills.

With taking his time with you, comes the orgasm control. He watches your expressions carefully and will slow down what he is doing or stop altogether when he notices you are about to orgasm. A little bit of control in the bedroom is just enough for him, and he knows how to exercise it perfectly. His voice is soothing but you can tell by how firmly he clenches your thighs he isn’t messing around.

“I don’t remember saying you could come yet.”

“Try to be a little patient now, love.”

“We may have to stop playing if you can’t delay some gratification.”

A few stints in the storage room is not uncommon. A measly excuse of needing help finding something directed at you instead of his actual employees is an obvious clue. Not even taking all of each other’s clothes off, he gets aroused twice as fast at the idea of life going on beyond the storage room while you both engage in something indecent. He enjoys more subtle forms of vouyerism such as performing oral while on phone calls, or using his hands on you from underneath a table while maintaining composure. Like I said, Kisuke enjoys fun, and he also enjoys having something at stake. He doesn’t care about the smell of sweat and sex on him as he emerges from an escapade, either,

“Don’t worry, just a fever. You’ll get better soon, won’t you dear?”

“Thanks for calling. They’ll be coming soon, don’t worry.”

“Ah, I just needed help finding something. It happened to be in my pocket all along…”

“Don’t make too much noise, now.”

“Hush, a little longer and I’ll reward you later.”