Lover, Fighter
This is a little something special for someone I know who is a lovely person but is also going through a tough time. Self-care is important and so is reaching out, I know it's hard and I struggle to do it too sometimes. But I promise you, there are many people who care and worry about you. It's going to be all right. So, if it's just a bad day or you've been having a series of bad days, take time to love yourself and let others love you.
Where my Obi-Wan Ladies at? Guys, we need a name. Obi-Wans Harem? I'm taking suggestions. Have a good day everyone! It's what Obi-Wan would want.
Part of the 50 Shades of Obi-Wan Reader Insert Series
Lover, Fighter.
Everybody says there's, two kinds of hearts
Where one loves and one goes to war
Some make peace and others get even
No solid ground to stand for
Surely, it's not easy or that simplified
I'm dying while you walk away
I wanna put my boots on and march to the front lines
I will be your lover, fighter, harder, higher, lover, fighter
I wanna fight for lover, fighter under fire, lover, fighter
I wanna fight for love, love, love
Wanna fight for love, love, love
The day was at its end and no one was more relieved to see it than Master Kenobi. He was fatigued, and his back ached from the long day of Council Meetings, and each moment spent in those chairs was far from pleasant as they had clearly been designed with aesthetics in mind rather than comfort. A little over an hour was all it would take before one’s tailbone began to ache. But being that they were meant to be uniform and accommodate other species aside from humans, there was little that could be done in the matter aside from trying not to look too obvious as you shifted in your seat.
He felt a bit overstimulated as well, he had long maintained that the life of politics wasn’t for him, but as his time on the council grew he found that politics trickled its way into Jedi affairs more and more these days, and if left a bitter taste in his mouth.
He wanted a soothing cup of tea, the heat of a shower, and the cool caress of sheets on his skin with you securely in his arms, of course. He smiled as he thought of the softness of your touch and the sweetness of your lips in every kiss, and each step that brought him closer to your shared quarters brought him closer to your embrace; home.
As he stepped off the turbo lift, a choppy sensation prickled at the back of his mind, a slight disturbance in the Force that set him on edge. It could have been anything, maybe he wasn’t the only one having a long and tiring day, but as he drew closer to his quarters the disturbance grew more intense, like an awful tinnitus, a tuning fork from hell. There were several turns he needed to take before he reached home but even before those definitive turns he knew—
"Something is wrong," Obi-Wan muttered under his breath.
He began quickening his pace until he was just about jogging to reach your shared quarters, his robes flowing behind him as only the muted sound of his heavy footfalls betrayed his urgency to reach you. Though not panicked, he was keenly alert and concern coursed through him as his connection to you wavered in the Force.
As soon as he stepped through the doors, tension gripped him like a vice, squeezing his temples until they began to throb with discomfort. The air was both thick and fragile as if one wrong move would shatter it into a million sharp pieces. It set him on edge, if it was doing this to him, what was it doing to you?
He scanned the main room, but you were nowhere in sight. There was not a single sign of life besides himself. As he made his way towards your shared bedroom, his heart raced with a sense of dread that grew stronger with each step and the hairs on his neck stood up.
Obi-Wan's eyes landed on you sitting on the edge of the bed, and a sense of relief washed over him. But it was short-lived as he realized that the awful disturbance was coming from you.
You sat facing the wall back hunched in a miserable repose, hair cascading over one shoulder like a frigid waterfall as distress radiated off you in powerful waves, sending daggers to his heart. Your shoulders shook with silent sobs that tried at every turn to force their way out of your body, you were locked in combat trying to maintain them, your head buried in your hands. Fingers twisted in your hair, clutching your scalp.
You were so consumed by your emotions that you didn't even notice Obi-Wan's presence as he stood silently in the doorway, his eyes filled with concern. Who had done this to you? Who had hurt you? His Starlight?
"Darling, what's happened?" Obi-Wan asked softly, his voice laced with worry, but you didn’t respond.
He felt the swirling chaos around you intensify like it was trying to pull him in. Your breath hitched in your chest as you tried to swallow your cries and ragged breaths. To force them back down to that place where they could not escape. A thousand questions raced through his mind, but he knew he needed to remain calm for your sake.
The sight of you in such pain was unbearable, and he longed to take your suffering away, to shield you from whatever darkness had taken hold. But first, he needed to understand what was happening.
He took a slow, cautious step toward you, his heart heavy with concern. "My love?" He called gently, trying to reach through the overwhelming tide of your sorrows.
There was no response, and so he reached out and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. You jumped at his touch, finally registering his presence. It was a terrible thing, the look in your eyes; red and puffy, glistened with unshed tears. Struggling to control the tide of tears. Startled by his sudden appearance, you leaped to your feet, hastily attempting to straighten your disheveled appearance. Arranging your hair to hide your face from him, you didn’t want him to see you like this, so vulnerable and small. The distress that was centered on you suddenly faded as though on turned off a tap of water, giving him a glimpse of just what you had been keeping from him.
Stars!
What was he even doing here? He was early, wasn’t he? You looked to the timepiece to find that, that was actually not the case, he was in fact, a bit late. You’d been so wrapped up in your misery that you’d failed to notice he was over an hour late in returning. You cursed yourself for being so careless.
"Is everything-"
"Nothing's wrong," You insisted harshly, not meaning to snap at him, it just came out like that. "I'm just... tired, that's all."
You could feel his stare, not needing to turn around to see those beautiful blue eyes to know that he didn’t believe you. He wasn’t blind to your pain, he felt it in every half-smile, each reserved kiss. You hadn’t been yourself since returning from the front lines and he would have been a fool not to notice it, and you a bigger one if you thought you could hide it from him.
There was no hiding it now. He didn’t believe you for a moment, and you’d have a hell of a time convincing him otherwise now. Kriff! How were you going to fix this? He wasn’t expecting to come home to a simpering mess of a woman, he wanted his strong-willed, playful, passionate lover, but instead, he came home to a crying girl.
For a few moments neither of you said anything. Part of you wanted so badly to turn around and embrace him; to fall into the arms of the man you loved but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.
Stubbornness had long been your greatest foe and your most insidious one; that it prevented you from seeking comfort from the person you trusted the most. Your eyes burned as a war was waged within them stemming the tides of those tears screaming to be released. A small part of you wanted him to force the details of your pain so you had to confront them but you knew better. Obi-Wan Kenobi would never do such a thing.
But that didn’t mean he was going to do nothing, instead of the anger or frustration at your deception you expected, he took a different approach.
"What have I done to lose your confidence in me?"
You looked at him, shocked by his question, and then quickly turned away, placing your hands on the desk for support, hanging your head in shame. The silence between you stretched on, a chasm that seemed to deepen with each passing second.
Your trembling hands, gripped the desk as if it were your only lifeline. He approached you slowly, each step a careful calculation, a deliberate choice to bridge the gap between you.
“My dear, I know you’ve been melancholy lately, and while I would never presume to know the depth of your despair, I had hoped you might reach out to me when you were ready,”
He hesitated for a moment, feeling the weight of your anguish, before closing the distance and placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. You stiffened slightly at his touch but didn't pull away.
"I know how difficult it can be to leave that battlefield behind," He murmured gently, his voice barely more than a whisper. "Physical wounds may heal, but not all wounds close quite the same."
Warmth flowed from his palm into your form, easing your rigid posture.
"I could never lose confidence in you, Obi-Wan," You admitted softly, your voice laden with sorrow. "But I didn't want to burden you with my darkness."
You could practically hear him shaking his head, he did that a lot when you let silly things like this happen.
"My darling girl,"
He gently pulled you back by the shoulder, turning you to face him, but you stubbornly kept your gaze on the ground; staring at your boots meeting his. He didn’t try to make you look up at him, though he wanted to see your eyes, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to his chest.
"I would rather endure a hundred battles in the darkest of nights than to see you suffer in stubbornness. But I know asking for help isn't something you're naturally gifted at."
He was one to talk…
But he was right, you nodded against his chest, a small sigh escaping your lips. Gently, he stroked your hair, feeling the warmth of his body melding with your own, you relaxed in his embrace. He pressed a tender kiss to the top of your head, he did that a lot too, it was one of the things that saw to it that your heart could hardly contain itself whenever he was near.
“If you don’t want my help just push, darling, but if you do, just stay here with me.” He whispered into your hair, the sound of his heartbeat steady and reassuring beneath your ear. "Let me carry it for you,"
After several minutes of silence, a quiet rain began to fall outside their window, the droplets tapping gently against the glass.
You didn’t push him away.
Your hands gripped onto his robes tightly and the trembling returned. Obi-Wan took a deep breath, inhaling the damp scent of the air, before he spoke again.
"Will you tell me what's wrong?"
You remained still for a moment as if gathering your thoughts, and you did your best to steadily let out a breath that shook just like you did.
"You're right," You whispered "I'm struggling.”
His arms tightened around you.
“The pain and the memories. My connection to the Force isn't what it was, and I'm afraid, I feel like I’m drowning." Your body shook more as you spoke, the turmoil within spilling out like waves crashing upon a rocky shore. You hated feeling like this and not knowing what the catalyst was that caused all of this. That there was no rational explanation for the way you were feeling. It felt so… foolish.
“I can’t find my peace, I can’t silence the nightmares or the ghosts, it feels like they’re trying to drag me down and sometimes I can scarcely breathe.”
You felt it creeping back up on you as you spoke the words aloud like the darkness was trying to claw at you and pull you away from the safety of Obi-Wan’s arms. Your breathing grew increasingly erratic, an invisible weight on your chest, crushing you, tearing you apart and the crippling fear of drowning returned.
His hand found its way into the tresses of your hair turning your head to rest against his chest, just above his heart. If there was anyone who knew of the ghosts that haunted you, it was Obi-Wan, having suffered their attacks before as well. He didn’t tell you that you were foolish to keep this from him, nor did he patronize you by speaking to you like a little Padawan; telling you to collect your thoughts and concentrate on the force. Sometimes feelings just needed to be felt and acknowledged no matter how irrational or frightening they were.
Mentoring his Padawan to Knighthood and eventually to the rank of Master had taught him that.
"Shh," he soothed, his hand rubbing gentle circles on your back. "Focus on my breathing, and listen to my heartbeat. Breathe with me, my love."
Somehow, you weren’t sure how, the muted sound of his heartbeat came through the noise and clutter that was crowding your mind. Soft and quiet at first but then as the seconds ticked on, it grew louder and… warmer. He stroked your hair and held you closer to him. He could feel the tension building in your body, the energy coming off you in waves of distress, his cerulean serenity went to silent battle with the demons that persisted after you.
"You are not alone in this. I understand."
He slowed his own breaths, taking deep and measured inhales and exhales. The Force radiating from him, a gentle and calming presence that enveloped you like a warm, soothing blanket. Gradually, your breathing calmed and matched his, the storm within beginning to subside, the waters stilling, the skies clearing.
As you breathed in and out, you gradually loosened your death grip on his robes. Your grip, once tight with fear, now softened. And then, without hesitation, you wrapped your arms around him, clinging to the sanctuary he provided. The rain continued its gentle rhythm outside, washing away the last vestiges of distress from the room.
"Can you hear it?" Obi-Wan asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
His heartbeat.
You listened intently, your ear pressed against the steady thrum of his chest. "Yes," You murmured, breathing in deeply. The scent of incense and the familiar linnens of the temple robes mingled with his own unique smell, a comforting presence that helped to calm you further.
"You're not going to drown, I won’t let you" He promised, his words firm and unwavering. "You're safe now, away from the battlefield." A few guarded tears seeped into his robes, but he didn't let go, only holding on tighter. "Your secrets are safe with me. All of you is safe with me."
Turmoil within you slowly abated, the Force around you becoming peaceful once more, mirroring the steadiness of Obi-Wan's presence.
He glanced towards the balcony at the rain drizzling down onto Coruscant, remembering your shared fondness for meditating in the rain. You followed his gaze and pulled back slightly, attempting a small smile, but it didn’t quite reach your eyes, but it was trying.
"I'm alright now,"
You insisted, hoping to reassure him. It was a lie, and not a very convincing one but at the moment, you weren’t sure who you were trying to convince more; him or yourself? Though it didn’t matter, one of you needed to think you were alright, even if it wasn’t true.
But that wasn’t good enough for Obi-Wan and he shook his head gently.
"Not quite yet you’re not, but you are getting there." He took your hand in his, pressing a tender kiss to your palm and wrist before guiding you towards the balcony.
The air had a chill that often accompanied the rain it felt good on your skin despite the initial shiver due to the sudden change of temperature. He wore that kind smile that made his eyes shimmer, and he looked from the rainy horizon and the darkening horizon to you. The corners of his eyes crinkled as his smile reached farther when he looked at you.
He swiftly shed his heavy robes, tabard, and tunic then tugged off his boots until he stood tall and strong in only his trousers. Against this dreary backdrop, he appeared almost ethereal, his muscular frame glistening with mist and the soft light filtering through the gray clouds illuminating his features like a painting come to life. It was a striking sight, one that captured the essence of raw masculinity amidst the lush green landscape drenched in water.
It had sometimes seemed a silly thing that he would often insist on taking off his boots whenever he could to meditate, insisting that it grounded him and it was good to feel the dirt beneath one’s feet. There was no dirt on the balcony but the chilly concrete was as good a place to start.
With a graceful motion, he lowered himself onto the woven mat spread out on the ground, extending his hand towards you, a silent invitation for you to join him, and for a moment; you hesitated and you didn’t know why. He opened and closed his hand gesturing for you to take his and something inside you screaming for comfort took control of your limbs and your hand slipped into his, the warmth of his gaze and gentle smile reassured you.
Your hand trembled slightly as it reached out and slipped into his calloused one. His rough fingers wrapped around yours, pulling you closer to sit across his lap. Your arms instinctively wrapped around his strong neck, hands tangling in the hair at his nape.
He didn't assume the traditional posture of meditation, instead choosing to lean back against the sturdy wall with you. His muscular arms that wielded a lightsaber with precision and strength, encircled you protectively, their strength reminding you of a fierce swordsman ready to defend his loved ones.
“Come,” He instructed, his tone soothing. "We'll sit here for as long as it takes. Until the shaking stops and the darkness fades. I don't care if it takes all night. Council meetings be damned."
The love of a Jedi was perhaps one of the rarest and most powerful forces in the galaxy, shimmering with an otherworldly energy.
Obi-Wan's love for you was like a warm blanket, wrapping you in safety and comfort. It was also a powerful shield, deflecting the darkness and chaos that threatened to consume you.
Your eyes slipped closed as you allowed yourself to be enveloped by his embrace. The raindrops pattered softly against the floor of the balcony, drops splattering but not quite reaching you.
The cityscape lights of Coruscant twinkled in the night. You smiled weakly into his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against your cheek.
"What about Anakin?"
"Anakin is a grown man," Obi-Wan reassured you, his voice strong and even. "Until you're well, he's Padme's responsibility and I trust she is woman enough to wrangle him even at his worst and most impetuous. There is no greater need of me anywhere else in the galaxy than right here with you."
Your heart swooned at such words and the tenderness that emanated from them. What lucky star were you born under to have such a man? You stared at his handsome face for a few moments, seeing all your years together play out. From the moment you’d met him as a Padawan you’d known your destinies would be intertwined. You’d loved this man before you even knew what love was. Listening to the rain, you couldn't help but wonder aloud:
"What would I do without you?"
"You'll never have to know," He promised, his voice filled with determination and love. Your heart swelled with gratitude and affection for him, prompting you to nestle closer in his lap, pressing a gentle kiss to his heart.
"I love you, Obi-Wan."
"I love you too, silly girl," He replied tenderly. "Now hush, just sit here with me and let me care for you."
As if on cue, the rain began to drizzle down more heavily, the sound of it soothing and rhythmic. Obi-Wan's arms tightened around you protectively, and you felt his light pushing the darkness away. You were unsure if the warmth you were feeling came from his body heat or something deeper, but you knew it was there, keeping the cold at bay.
The clouds obscured the sky, preventing the stars from shining, but you knew they were still there, watching over you. This knowledge mirrored everything you felt from Obi-Wan's presence - not always visible, but ever-present and making the night less dark.
"Will we sit here all night?" You asked, curiosity laced with uncertainty in your voice.
"If that's what it takes," He replied without hesitation.
"What if we get cold?" You questioned, seeking reassurance.
"Then I'll keep you warm," He promised, he reached for his discarded robes wrapping them around you like a cocoon of warmth and safety. "And if my robes aren't enough, I'll take you to bed and keep you warm in my arms there."
The certainty in his words brought the comfort you so desperately needed, and you knew in that moment that no matter how long the night was or how hard the rain fell, you would be safe and loved in his embrace.
As the raindrops melded with the distant city lights, painting shimmering streaks upon the Coruscant skyline, a stillness enveloped you. Nestled against Obi-Wan's chest, his steady heartbeat resonated within you, grounding you in this moment of serenity.
"Obi-Wan?" You whispered hesitantly, not wanting to break the fragile peace they shared.
"Yes, my love?" He replied softly, his breath warm on your hair.
"Thank you,"
"Always," He said, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.
You didn't need to say anything more - words were insufficient when it came to expressing the bond you shared. At that moment, you knew, without a doubt, that you could weather any storm together.
Laughing softly, you shook your head. "I must seem like such a mess to you."
"Never," Obi-Wan assured you, a tender smile gracing his features. "You are the most beautiful, strongest person I know. If anyone is messy here, it's the galaxy for daring to challenge you."
You couldn't help but chuckle at his fierce loyalty, feeling your heart lighten at his words. "You really do have a way with words, don't you?"
"Only when it comes to you," He admitted, a hint of mischief dancing in his eyes. "For you, I'd move mountains and cross galaxies."
“Move mountains?”
"Oh, yes.” He paused his lips brushing yours, “We are bound together, through the Force and through our hearts, till the galaxy lies in ruins and our histories are long faded to less than cosmic dusts, you will have me."
Damn tears welled in your eyes as you leaned into him, feeling the truth of his words echo through your being. You pulled him into a kiss, it was nothing that might set loose the fires of passion, not yet, that always came later. Obi-Wan was as selfless a lover as could be asked for, and you knew the look in his eyes, this would be one of those nights where he would guard you and carry you to the edge of gentle and exquisite bliss and in no hurry. He and he would do it again, and again and again until neither of you could keep your eyes open.
Together, you sat wrapped in each other's embrace, letting the rain wash away your fears and doubts. And for the first time in a long while, the darkness that had threatened to consume you began to recede, replaced by the warmth and light that Obi-Wan brought into your life.
The Clone Wars were over, and though the battles never truly ceased, it was time to start living.
@burnthecheshirewitch @pickleprickle @split-spectrum @heyhawtdawgs @bad4amficideas @hereticpriest
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