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kayteewritessteve · 5 years

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DT - Twitter Drunk 2/3

Description: One stupid drunken night leads to an uncomfortable week from hell. That only gets worse when you are forced to face the problems, that your drunken escapades caused, head on. Yeah, you are never going to drink ever again.

Masterlist HERE.

Word Count: 9,250 ish.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader.

Rating: PG.

Warnings: Lots of curse words, awkward moments, and a slightly frustrated reader. Little angst here and there, but lots of stupid humour.

A/N: I sadly don’t own any of these characters. And no beta reader, so I do proudly own all the errors and this story, so there’s that.

Steve’s POV

Steve finds himself seated at the breakfast bar in the towers main living area. Sam and Bucky on either side of him, as they all silently munch away on their individual bowls of cereal.

The tower is relatively quiet this morning, which is both relieving and scary, all at the same time. The tower feels very much like a small child to Steve, when it is eerily quiet, that’s when he truly had to worry. That’s when he should probably go investigate and prepare himself for the incoming chaos that he may find.

Though the fact he can physically see Bucky and Sam currently, does give him some peace of mind. Those two, together, were mayhem and destruction personified. Anytime they were out in the world together, something usually ended up broken. Be it a window, a plate, a car, or Steve’s mental stability.

However, the lack of a Stark currently, in the silence of the tower, was a little unnerving, if he’s being honest. Though at least when Tony was alone, he stuck mainly to only blowing up parts of his lab, or other people’s personal lives. So he didn’t really need as much supervision as the other two did.

But when the three of them were together, now that was another story entirely. They honestly reminded Steve of a show he used to watch as a kid, The Three Stooges. Though they all sort of switched roles, just depending on the day really. However most days Tony was Moe, while Bucky and Sam were Curly and Larry, respectively. But the odd days they’d switch roles, ya know, just to keep things interesting.

Steve sighs quietly to himself at the thought, as he makes a mental note to see if he can track down some of The Three Stooges videos to watch again. He always did enjoy that show—well, that is before he had to basically live it in real life. So yeah, maybe he won’t look those videos up now.

The sound of hasty shuffling feet catches his attention and he looks up just as Moe—excuse me, Tony, enters the kitchen, looking slightly frazzled and far too overly excited for this early on a Saturday morning. Steve internally groans because he knows Stark is about to drop some sort of bomb on them all.

Something clearly happened that Stark finds incredibly funny or worthy of the whole tower knowing right this very second. He is honestly surprised Stark doesn’t just use Friday to play a pre-recorded message throughout the tower so that everyone can learn of the news at the same exact time. That would be far more efficient, if you ask Steve, but does he plan to mention this idea to Stark? Not a hope in hell. That man doesn’t need anymore ideas to help him gossip more quickly and effectively.

No, Steve will just let him continue to work for it. It keeps him busy and less likely to mess with anyone around him, so that’s a small win, in and of itself. Plus he’s pretty sure that Tony truly enjoys actually seeing the looks on peoples faces when he shares his random news with them, so that would probably explain why he does this all in person.

Tony catches sight of the three men and the wicked grin on his face only grows, and this time Steve externally groans.

“There you guys are!” The older man says quickly as he makes his way towards them, “have any of you happened to check out Twitter yet, this lovely morning?”

Steve furrows his brows, yes, he has a Twitter account, but does he actually use it? Hell no. He can barely even figure out what Twitter is for, honestly, let alone how to maneuver the hell site. And anytime he does get on his account, the tweets—what a ridiculous thing to call them—are usually pretty descriptive and very, very highly inappropriate to say to a complete stranger. When Steve had mentioned the aggressive tweets to Sam and Bucky, they had both burst out laughing and when they’d finally managed to reign themselves back in, Sam had told him those were called ‘Thirst Tweets’—Whatever the hell that means.

That was when Steve came to the unwavering realization that Twitter just was not for him. Though Bucky seemed to pick the site up rather quickly, and now he was tweeting with the best of em.

Steve shakes his head at just how stupid those words truly sound. He’ll never fully acclimate to this time, nor the strange and invasive customs, ideologies, and ethics that comes along with it. Don’t get him wrong, this century does have a lot of really amazing features, such as better healthcare, easy access to information, more equality and a larger variety of much, much better tasting foods.

But some days he did miss the simple things from the 40’s. Meeting people in person, going to the movies unbothered, the anonymity that came with a lack of widespread media, and just going out for a drink and some dancing with a good pal or your girl—not that he did a lot of dancing back then, nor did he actually have a girl, but still, life was simpler then, less wasteful and a heck of a lot less superficial.

“No,” Sam answers, and Bucky just shakes his head before following it up with a, “why?”

“Oh, well, then the three of you are truly missing out,” Tony grins widely, his eyes locking with Steves and instantly the latter knows this cannot be good. “Someone wrote a very sweet and long winded Tweet about our little Capsicle here.” He chuckles, gesturing to Steve, and the super soldier is now positive the older man is actually vibrating with excitement currently.

“No way,” Bucky’s eyes grow wide as he quickly pats himself down then pulls his phone from his front pants pocket.

“What does it say?” Sam hastily asks, as he tries to reach across the counter for Tony’s phone. But doesn’t even get close as the billionaire quickly yanks his hand, the one holding said electronic, away from Wilsons reach.

“Simmer for just a moment, my dear Sammy. Don’t you worry your pretty little head, I’m planning to read it out loud for all of you,” he happily says, putting his phone up in front of his face as he clears his throat loudly. Then he begins to read the tweets, raising his voice probably in an attempt to sound more like a woman.

“‘Do you ever just hear of someone in passing, or see them in the media, and have this instantaneous deep longing emotion within you. Not a longing in the sense of wanting them, but entirely due to hoping with everything inside you that they find their true happiness one day..’‘..‪That they wake up in a few years and smile, like truly smile, because they are exactly where they wanted to be. Where they deserved to be. That they’d ended up with every desire they had yearned for. And I’m not talking about material objects. I’m talking life goals and accomplishments..’‬‪‘..I’m talking about the true important aspects of life. The things that actually matter in the grand scheme of it all. Well, that is how I feel whenever someone brings up Steve Rogers. Or whenever I see an article or a news story about him. I instantly have this desperate want for him..’”‬

Sam cuts in, a goofy grin on his lips, “girl, I feel that. I also have a desperate want for Steve whenever I see him.” He turns to playfully wiggle his eyebrows at Steve, while Bucky and Tony burst out laughing. ‬

‪All of this only causing the blonde to shake his head and drag a large hand down his face in exasperation. Knowing instantly that these 3 were never going to let this go, he just silently prayed that no one else in the tower had seen these tweets yet. Don’t get him wrong, they were sweet as hell, and made a slight blush creep its way onto the super soldiers cheeks, but he wasn’t really a huge fan of the spotlight. Never had been, never will be, and this very much put a blinding light smack dab on his face. ‬

‪Tony quickly attempts to steel himself once again, but he can’t stop the chuckles from bubbling out as he continues to read. Every few words a snort or giggle escapes the confines of his lips. “‘..to be happy. *snort* Truly and utterly happy. The man deserves exactly that, and yet so much more. *small giggle* What with everything he has done for us and this planet. *snort* If anyone in this world has earned their happily ever after, *small giggle* it’s that man.’” ‬

‪Steve just groans and lays his forehead against the cold surface of the counter, as the three men continue to laugh boisterously around him. This couldn’t get anymore awkward and embarrassing, and Steve wasn’t even the one who wrote the tweets. ‬

‪“What are we laughing about?” ‬

‪Whelp, obviously Steve spoke too soon, clearly it could get worse. And much, much worse at that. He slowly lifts his head and then promptly drops it back down to the solid surface with a thump. ‬

‪“Oh Nat!” Tony excitedly calls out, “you’re just in time! We were just discussing the most recent fan tweet for ol’ Rogers here.” ‬

‪“Ah yes,” she snorts, “I also truly hope Steve gets every desire he yearns for.” ‬

‪He doesn’t even have to raise his eyes to know she has a playfully quirked brow at the moment. He can just feel it on her, staring smugly at him. ‬

‪“You saw it already?” Bucky chuckles. ‬

‪“Are you kidding? Who hasn’t?” She cackles, her voice sounding much closer now, “I even already retweeted the entire thing.” ‬

‪“Me too!” Tony quickly chimes in, “I had far too much fun responding to that third part.” ‬

‪“Shit, I need to retweet this now too!” Sam adds, and Steve can hear him shuffling around next to him, most likely attempting to find his phone. ‬

‪“Oh, same,” his traitorous best pal says from beside him and Steve’s head snaps up to narrow his eyes at his buddy in outrage. But Bucky just smirks right back, shrugging his shoulders and then focuses on the phone in his hand. ‬

‪Everyone falls silent as they tinker on their phones, Steve getting up to wash his dishes so he can make a hasty exit from the kitchen. But before he can even turn the water on, a low whistle rings through the room, “damn Punk, you gotta see this dame. She’d give Vivien Leigh a run for her money back in our day.”‬

‪That only slightly peeks Steves curiosity, but only slightly—who is he kidding, that’s a complete lie. The truth is, now he really wants to know what she looks like, but he refuses to let any of these dickheads know that. He’s always had a wee bit of a crush on Vivien Leigh, ever since he’d seen Gone With The Wind. But he ignores Bucky’s obvious use of Vivien to entice him, and instead just nods nonchalantly as he continues to wash his dishes, “I’m sure she would.” ‬

‪“Tin Man’s right,” Sam starts, “this woman is insanely attractive. Steve, man, you gotta check her out,” and just as his friend finishes his words, the unmistakable sound of a stool being pushed back echoes through the room. ‬

‪Steve just hums as he quickly dries his bowl and spoon, before putting them away, “maybe later, Sam. I ah,” he scrunches up his face, which luckily no one can see as he is still facing the cupboards. “I have something I need to attend to at the moment.” Yeah, that didn’t sound convincing or truthful at all. But he doesn’t give anyone a chance to retort as he makes a beeline out of the kitchen. ‬

‪Though he doesn’t miss Bucky playfully yelling, “yeah, I’m sure you do.” And the hidden meaning of those words makes Steve shake his head, and flush just a little as he hastily makes his way down the hallway. Clearly his lifelong best friend knows him far too well, and is more than aware that Steve is sneaking off to both avoid this conversation and privately creep this sweet tweeting woman. ‬

‪Which again those words sound utterly and completely ridiculous to Steve. ‬

‪It had been a couple of days since Tony had come barreling into the kitchen, and since then Steve’s Twitter app had been taking a damn beating. ‬

‪Not in the sense that he’d started posting more, but in the sense that he’d been going on it more. He’d actually asked Bruce that Saturday afternoon if he could walk Steve through how to maneuver the hell site a little better. Figuring Bruce would be the least likely to judge or mock Steve for the request. Nor would Bruce tell the others that Steve had asked, as if they all learned of this, they’d know exactly what he was up to, and why he wanted to know how to use the app. ‬

‪When he’d arrived back to his room after promptly fleeing the kitchen and his overzealous friends, he’d opened the app and tracked down the famous tweets. Which honestly wasn’t hard at all, as damn near everyone Sam had set up for Steve to follow had retweeted the posts by this point. So they were basically his entire main page. ‬

‪He’d clicked around for a bit, until he managed to finally end up on her—Y/N’s page. And then opened her picture only to abruptly drop his phone. Though luckily for the tiny electronic, it never actually met the ground, all thanks to his ridiculously fast reflexes. ‬

‪He’d then just stood there, awkwardly wide eyed and staring at her picture. Because shit, Bucky wasn’t lyin’. She did give Vivien a run for her money. She was stunning, and upon scrolling through her page and reading her other posts, he learned she wasn’t just beautiful on the outside. ‬

‪He’d then noticed a few retweets from some girl named Lindsey, figuring that must be a friend of hers, he opened her page. Instantly noticing a string of retweets of Y/N’s original lengthy post, and jokingly commenting about ‘how much did you drink last night, girl?!’ Though in a lot more words than just that, he was paraphrasing her friends actual response here. ‬

‪And that’s how Steve figured out that obviously when Y/N drank, she wrote sweet and thoughtful messages to and about complete strangers, people she idolized or looked up to, or just plain admired—which yeah, that wasn’t really normal. But in all the best ways. Most people who tweeted him were vulgar and far too descriptive. He honestly didn’t get many heartwarming messages from the public, so these words really stuck with him. They brought a smile to his face. ‬

‪And on top of all of that, she’d been drinking. And most of the drunk people he’d ever encountered were all either loud, rude, belligerent or far too flirty. Booze giving people the liquid courage to say the things they’d never voice sober. Liquor basically heightened a person's internal personalities, which wasn’t always a good thing for some. So the fact that she was so damn sweet when intoxicated, only stood to reason that her sober was probably a true sweetheart, through and through. ‬

‪Which all only made Steve yearn to actually meet the woman behind these thoughtful words. Though he knew that would never actually happen, because reaching out to her now would be weird, wouldn’t it? ‬

‪I mean, would she even want to hear from him? Would she even be interested in possibly meeting him? Would she even respond to a message from him? From the looks of it, she hadn’t posted anything since that night, so maybe she was avoiding her social media at the moment. Maybe she just wanted this all to blow over, and maybe Steve should want that too. Maybe he should just let this all rest, and continue on with his life as normal. ‬

‪It’s not like they’d meet and fall madly in love instantly, or end up becoming something more than that. It’s not like him just letting this whole situation blow over would really affect him all that much, right? Maybe she only felt that way about him because she’d been drinking. What if sober, she had completely differing opinions of him. ‬

‪Yeah, that’s very unlikely, he knows that. But truthfully, Steve was ridiculously nervous at even the thought of interacting with her. I mean, he never really had ‘game with the ladies’, as Sam had put it. And he’d never even really entertained the idea of meeting someone, or dating someone, since he’d woken up from the ice. He’d just focused himself and his mind on his job, and didn’t even allow any hopes of love or a relationship to infiltrate his head. Because he knew once he really, truly thought about it or gave it any weight in his mind, that he’d come to the unwaveringly obvious realization that he was alone. That he was lonely and wanted more than anything to have someone special in his life. Someone who saw him for him, for Steve Rogers the man, and not Captain America the legend. ‬

‪But now all of this had crashed those very thoughts that he’d avoided for so long into his head, like a dang freight train slamming into a car stuck on the tracks. And now all he could think about was how desperately he wanted a person, a gal to call his own. Someone to go to bed beside every night, and wake up wrapped around every morning. A woman to share his free time with, to tell about his days, his stresses, his accomplishments and goals. And have her do the same in return. ‬

‪But even with that all bouncing around in his head, he was scared. Truly and entirely terrified. Because with opening yourself up to another, giving love a shot and taking the leap to see where it goes, came the potential of heartbreak. Came the possibility of ending up hurt and even more alone, if it all fell apart in the end. ‬

‪And yeah, you can’t have true happiness without taking a chance on it. You can’t succeed without first trying. But Steve had struggled his entire life, he’d fought to get where he is today, he’d sacrificed so much of himself and his life to get where he is now. To be at the place he is now, and even though being alone was a sore spot for him, his heart wasn’t tattered. It was fully intact again, and he really just wanted it to stay that way. ‬

‪He’d finally reached a place where he was actually content with his life, where he was proud of who he was and how far he’d come. And he refused to mess with the happy balance he’d found now. ‬

‪Was that a foolish choice for him to make? Oh definitely. But was he going to just continue to be stubborn and pretend like he was truly happy in this moment? Hell fucking yes.‬

‪Steve was ridiculously stubborn, and he fully knew it, and owned it, 100%. ‬

‪Steve walks into the kitchen to grab a midday sneak before heading back to hide in his room. And the second his eyes land on the current occupants of the space he almost groans loudly. ‬

‪Tony, Nat, Sam and Bucky are all lingering around the kitchen island, talking about what Steve can only assume is his personal life. Or rather, the lack thereof. ‬

‪There are only two days left until the press release and Steve has been basically avoiding his friends for the last 2 days. Ever since Tony cornered him in the gym trying to give him the full run down on Y/N. Where she worked, where she’d gone to school, where she’d been born and raised, everything.

‪All things Steve honestly had no business learning from the billionaire. Who had actually proudly admitted to doing a full background check on the woman, as if that was normal to do at a complete stranger. Steve had instantly scolded the man, citing that it was only ridiculously intrusive and unacceptable to creep into someone's personal life like that. Especially someone who none of the team actually knew. ‬

‪She wasn’t some criminal set on world destruction, nor was she a person of interest to the team in regards to a mission. She was a civilian, a regular person, and she didn’t deserve having her entire life picked apart and invaded like that. She deserved her privacy. ‬

‪Tony had then tried to talk Steve into contacting her, even just a small message to her Twitter account to thank her, or something of the like. But Steve wasn’t interested, he was still happily stubborn and pretending to be ignorant to the longing feelings within him when it came to Y/N. Because honestly, he didn’t know her through a dang hole in the ground, let alone should he be feeling this way about a woman he’s never even met, let alone spoken to. This was outrageous, these strange feelings were ludicrous. ‬

‪So no, he doesn’t feel anything towards her. And yeah, he knows wholeheartedly that that’s a blatant lie, but shoot him for trying to think rationally here. For trying to be logical to the fact that one shouldn’t feel this strongly for a damn stranger. So, by day he’ll just continue to fake that he isn’t interested. That he hasn’t checked out her account or photos, that he hadn’t been day dreaming about meeting her. He’ll just continue to pretend like he wants no part of this in front of the whole team. ‬

‪But then by night he’ll check out her twitter, like every night since she’d posted, and wonder what she’s like in person. Wonder if she’s easy to talk to, if her laugh is infectious, if her smile is like the sun, if her mere presence alone is truly calming. ‬

‪She still hadn’t posted a damn thing since the famous tweets, so clearly she was avoiding her social media. She hadn’t even retweeted a single response, nor deleted the original posts. It was like her account was completely frozen in time—pun not intended. ‬

‪Tony had just stood there, continuing to pester Steve about Y/N, up until Steve had opted to completely ignore the man entirely. After he’d stopped responding, Tony had finally dropped the topic and left, but not before vowing to get Steve on board with this ‘operation get Rogers a date’ mission, as the billionaire had hilariously nicknamed it—Note the sarcasm. ‬

‪And once Tony had left the gym, and the door slamming shut had confirmed he was truly gone, Steve had glanced over his shoulder to fully affirm he’d left. And instantly noticed the manila folder sitting on a bench where Tony had been standing. And it didn’t take a rocket doctor to figure out what was in that folder. No, Steve was instantly aware it was most likely a full and complete write up on Y/N. ‬

‪He chose to ignore the folder, or at least he’d put in a solid effort to ignore it. But after a little while—read, literally 2 minutes—Steve finally caved and hesitantly walked towards the folder, wiping his sweaty hands on the towel he’d kept over his shoulder. And once he reached the folder, he glanced around as if to double check there was no one watching or present to witness his next move. ‬

‪Then he gingerly scooped up the folder, staring at the outside for a moment before taking a deep breath in and opening it up. To only be instantly met with a stunning photo of Y/N, that adruptly confirms his earlier thought, her smile is like the sun. ‬

‪And as he delves into every fact and detail about her, all the things Tony had managed to dig up about the woman, the irony is not lost on him. He’d literally just chastised Tony for invading her privacy, and yet, here he was, doing the exact same thing. Lapping up every little detail he could about her. ‬

‪At least Tony had invaded her privacy for semi honourable reasons, he’d only done it to help a friend out. Where as Steve was doing it entirely for selfish reasons. His desperate need to know everything about her, yet being entirely too petrified to actually reach out to the woman, to just speak to her. To give himself the chance to learn all of these things about her, from her, as was the way it should have been. ‬

‪The only thought running through his mind at that point was: What an utter schmuck he’d truly turned out to be. ‬

‪Back in the present, he halts his steps and honestly contemplates if he should slowly back out of the kitchen, before anyone even notices him. But he never gets that chance as 4 sets of eyes snap up to land on him, and he knows escaping now unscathed is highly unlikely. ‬

‪So with a deep breath in, he enters the lions den, entirely prepared for the razzing and ridicule he was about to endure from his, so called, best friends. As they continued to chide him for having not made a move yet, as they continued to inform him that they were displeased with his lack of action in all of this. ‬

‪And as they kept reminding him of what happened the last time he’d waited too long with a gal, and yeah, those comments cut deep. But only because he knew they were entirely accurate, and that’s why they truly cut as deep as they did. He was well aware of his shortcomings in the romance department, but did that stop him from stubbornly pretending like his friends were entirely wrong? Of fucking course not. ‬

‪Because Steve Rogers was thee most stubborn man on the planet, and he was entirely proud of that simple fact. ‬

‪He’s standing on stage, Tony droning on and on about God knows what. Steve had tuned out a while ago, his mind still all over the place. Still focused on entirely different things than the current topic of the day. He should be focused on the facility's grand opening, and Tony’s eloquently chosen words, but yet again, for the millionth time this week, his thoughts are on Y/N. The woman he feels like he knows damn near entirely at this point, yet has never once laid eyes on. Not even so much as seen a glimpse of in real life. ‬

‪And how truly creepy does he sound right now? This was some next level stalker behaviour, as Sam would call it, and he freaking knows it. God, did he know it. ‬

‪Bucky’s elbow making direct contact with Steve’s left side ribs, jars him painfully from his reverie. He manages to only wince slightly at the forceful hit before snapping his eyes at his best pal—who may lose that title soon if he isn’t careful—and glaring at him. ‬

‪Bucky just grins and leans in towards Steve, as he whispers, “don’t look now, Punk, but it appears a little Tweety Bird is in attendance with us today.” Then the brunette nods his head in a direction towards the back of the audience. And yes, Steve is well aware of who he is referring to, as Tweety Bird is the name his ‘friends’ had been using to refer to Y/N as all week. And don’t even get him started on how much that nickname truly irked—‬

‪Hold up. Wait a tick. What did Buck just say? ‬

‪Steve's eyes quickly scan the crowd before landing on her near the back. And God, he couldn’t have missed her beautiful face even if he’d tried. He honestly isn’t sure how he hadn’t noticed her before. His super soldier eyes clearly need to be checked as they so obviously missed the stunning woman hidden in the masses. ‬

‪He finds himself completely and totally trapped in her stare. His eyes locked onto hers as if they were high powered magnets, and not even his super strength could pull them apart now. He is just about to break out into a huge grin, just at the fact he actually got to finally see her in the flesh, but then his mind catches up to the moment. ‬

‪And wait, wait, why is she even here to begin with? ‬

He snaps his eyes to his possible ex-best pal, and narrows them accusingly. If Bucky is behind this, he can kiss his best friend title goodbye. And Steve will happily inform him that Sam has taken up that position now, just to be as petty and childish as he possibly can.

But all he receives in return is a wicked grin from Bucky, as he nods his head towards Tony. And just like that, Steve flicks his intense gaze at the billionaire in question. Wishing in this moment that looks could kill, that he had that super power. Because if they could, if he did, Tony would be laying on the floor right now. But luckily for the smaller man, he doesn’t have that ability, though Tony will wish for a quick death once Steve gets his hands on him.

Once this is all over, and everyone leaves so there are no witnesses, Tony will get what’s coming to him. Mark his words, Tony Stark will learn a valuable lesson tonight—

Movement catches his attention and he flicks his eyes back to see Y/N hastily packing up her things. Wait, she isn’t leaving yet, is she? The press release isn’t even halfway done yet. She can’t just leave, not before he has a chance to actually speak to her. To actually, finally, interact with her. She is here after all, he’d be an idiot if he didn’t use this to his advantage now.

Maybe Tony will be safe after all. He did sort of give Steve this opportunity after all. Maybe Tony’s meddling wasn’t entirely bad this time. Though he would still need a stern talking to about interfering with other people's lives.

Her eyes lock back on Steves and he can see the tears pooling in them now. His perfect eyesight honing in on them, and his heart feels like it’s about to break. She’s tearing up? Why is she tearing up? He sees a tear slip down her cheek as she quickly wipes it away just as she turns and hastily heads for the exit.

And watching her retreating form snaps something in Steve—well that and another well positioned elbow jab from Bucky. As if trying to break Steve out of his head, while also urging him to do something.

Steve shakes his head and then quickly makes his way to the edge of the platform, jumping off it and landing gracefully on his feet before taking off at full speed after her.

Members of the press moving out of his way, and snapping photos as he runs passed. But he isn’t focused on any of that currently, he just needs to reach her, to stop her from leaving just yet. He just wants to meet her, to talk to her in person.

He vaguely hears Tony trying to wrangle in the press, trying to regain their attention as he makes up some excuse for Steve's abrupt exit. He’s guessing Tony saw her leave just like Steve and Bucky had.

He stops when he reaches the first road, and glances around, quickly pinpointing her form hastily walking towards the main road. Her head down as she goes and he begins to jog after her and once he gets close enough he calls out, “Hey, hold up.”

He watches as her steps falter and then stop entirely, her shoulders deflating slightly as her arms rise up a little. Though he can’t make out exactly what her hands are doing currently, but a gut wrenching thought tells him she is probably wiping away more tears. However then she slowly turns to face him, keeping her eyes down as if the ground is the most fascinating thing she’s ever encountered.

And all he wants is for her to glance up, to look at him, to allow him to finally truly take her in. He desperately wants that, he is about to beg her for it honestly. But he is so tongue tied in this moment, he can’t even think of a single word to say. Nor is he sure his voice will even work at the moment.

After a moment though, it appears she’s managed to locate her voice. But she still keeps her eyes down, even as she speaks, and her voice is nothing like he’d imagined it would be. It’s way prettier sounding then his mind could have ever conjured up.

“I um, I’m really, really sorry,” she starts and then clears her throat, “I shouldn’t have come here today. I ah, I didn’t want to ever make you feel uncomfortable in any way. And I guess I just need to apologize to you for my ridiculous antics last week. And ah, and for stupidly agreeing to come to this junket. I’ll just um,” she glances over your shoulder momentarily, as if looking for an escape. “I’ll just be going now,” she quickly says as her eyes finally meet his. And he is instantly aware that she has been crying, confirming his earlier worries. She gestures with her thumb over her shoulder as she takes a small step back. “Sorry again, for um, for everything.”

Their direct eye contact momentarily stuns him, so much so that he had yet to fully comprehend her words. He is just happily lost in this moment, hoping it doesn’t actually ever end.

But then it does, and he is instantly thrusted back into the here and now when she turns and quickly continues down the road. Hastily moving away from him yet again. And fuck that if he is going to let her get away now. Not yet at least.

He quickly catches up to her, softly saying, “wait,” as he gently grasps her elbow in the hopes she’ll turn back around.

She takes a deep breath and then turns to face him again, just as he’d hoped and he quickly, be it reluctantly, removes his hand from her skin. Their eyes connecting once again. And shit, what does he do or say now?

Before he can even realize what he’s doing, his hand rises up to rub the back of his neck as he rips through a bunch of different thoughts as to just how he should proceed here. What he should say to her now.

“I ah, I wasn’t—“ he pauses realizing his mistake then quickly corrects himself, “I’m not uncomfortable about you being here,” he shakes his head, “not at all. I just—firstly, I just wanted to apologize to you, actually. I know they probably forced you to be here today, I don’t really know how, but judging by your reaction to all of this, I’m guessing you really had no say in being here.“ He sighs deeply, “I had no idea that they’d actually invited you, so I can only assume that Tony played a huge hand in all of this. He really likes to insert himself in other people's lives, so I apologize that you got dragged into this. He doesn’t really know when to butt out.”

She nod slowly as her eyes flick down to the ground again, “it’s okay. You really don’t owe me anything, I honestly brought this all on myself. I um, I don’t blame anyone else for any of this, but thank you for saying all of that.” She looks back up at him, “it really helps to hear. This week has just been—“ she halts her words and sighs deeply as she waves a hand around. “Sorry, that’s really not important. Um, just basically thank you, ya know, for easing my mind with all of this.”

He can’t help the frown that forms on his lips, she honestly believes that anything she has to say isn’t important? God how wrong she is, he’d enjoy nothing more than to hear her talk for hours. Even about absolutely nothing. And God, he really shouldn’t be this damn smitten with her already. He shouldn’t be feeling this damn connected to her already. He’s doomed, but yet, he honestly has no issues with that fact. He quickly wipes the frown from his lips and shakes his head, “don’t mention it, but I should really be the one thanking you.”

Her eyes instantly widen, and it takes everything in Steve not to chuckle at the shocked look now on her face. Her eyebrows slowly crinkle in the most adorable way, as her mouth hangs open just slightly. It’s honestly the cutest damn thing he’s ever seen. And he’s seen a lot in his time.

And then she seems to pull herself back together, “I’m sorry if this is rude, but um, why exactly would you owe me a thank you?”

He can’t help the stupid smile that forms as he tries to hide it by glancing over his shoulder to ensure that no one had followed them. Mainly anyone from his team, if he’s being honest. The press following him is nowhere near as much of a possibility as his fellow Avengers, and also nowhere near as embarrassing.

Seeing that luckily no one has, he comes up with a quick plan to ensure that they aren’t bothered or overheard. “I’ll explain all that, but first, can I show you something?”

She nods quickly, “um, yeah. Yeah, of course.”

“Okay, great. Just uh, just follow me then,” he quickly says before he starts to lead them both towards the spot he’d decided would be the best choice for privacy. And to ensure no one overhears either of them.

Reader’s POV.

You fall into step with the giant man, curious where exactly he is leading you to. He hasn’t said anything since you both began walking and you honestly have no idea what to even say to him. The silence isn’t too bad, though that’s honestly a lie, the silence is actually extremely awkward.

You have no idea what he still has to say to you, nor where your currently heading towards, nor what he feels about all of this. I mean, yeah, he said he wanted to thank you, but for what exactly? You have no fucking clue. And shit yeah, that’s a little unsettling, if you’re being honest.

Your hands start to clam up again, as you keep your eyes down, watching your steps to ensure you don’t eat it. Because that would just be so magical if you did biff it right now. Ya know, in front of Steve Rogers and all.

He’d probably think you were just a ridiculous klutz, or an accident prone nincompoop. But really, you just aren’t the best on heels, and as you both have now left the glorious cement behind and are trekking it through the compound’s vast green space, falling is a very real possibility. You hoofing it through the dang wilderness now, as if you’re some seasoned hiker on a nice, scenic Sunday adventure, instead of a small, sightly out of shape, journalist in high ass heels.

You stealthily side eye your adventure buddy and wonder if he’d give you a piggyback ride. I mean, that’s a ridiculous thought, but like, would he though? Ya know, if you asked really nicely and remembered to use your manners? He is rumoured to have insane strength, so he could probably easily chuck you over his shoulder, as if you weighed nothing at all.

Oh God, why do you now want nothing more in this life, than to be slung over Steve Rogers shoulder like he’s some damn caveman. Shit, yeah, that’d be hot for sure.

You shake your head and stifle the laugh that wants to bubble out of you, as you focus back on the ground ahead of you. What a ridiculous person you truly are. Who even thinks something like that about a complete stranger, let alone Steve Rogers—Though, come to think of it, probably a lot of people think things like that about him.

Once again you feel a large warm hand on your elbow and you halt your steps to glance up at him, curious what’s happening. Oh shit, what if he can like, read minds or something, and just no one actually knows about that enhancement of his? Fuck, please God say he can’t.

Though let’s just test that theory, ya know, just to be sure. Hello? Steve? You there? If you are, fyi, my favourite number is 9. And I think you have a fantastic ass—shit, just ignore that last part—

“We’re here,” he says quietly, and his hesitant expression leads you to believe that he can’t, in fact, hear your thoughts. And thank fuck for that.

You nod—no clue why you do, you just do. And then quickly glance around at your surroundings, only to then have your mouth fall open at the beautiful sight before you.

You hadn’t even noticed where you’d ended up until this exact moment. You are standing on the edge of a large body of water, and with a quick glance over your shoulder you realize you are surrounded by trees. The facilities buildings no longer even in sight, and it fells like you are in the middle of nowhere, like there isn’t a single soul around.

Your eyes slowly slip back up to meet the large blondes piercing blue ones, a smile on your lips. “This please is beautiful,” you whisper before your eyes drift back to the water ahead of you. “It’s so peaceful here.”

“Yeah,” he sighs deeply, “it is. It’s ah, it’s one of my favourite spots on the compound to escape to. Ya know, when I just need a moment alone, or some time to think.”

You side eye him again, seeing him just staring out at the water now, and then your eyes drift back to the water as well. “I can totally understand why, it’s so quiet,” you whisper, as if speaking too loud will ruin the tranquility of the location. “Thank you,” you glance back at him, his eyes on you now. “For showing this place to me, for sharing your secret spot with me. I honestly needed a peaceful moment like this,” you sigh, “it’s just been such a long and gruelling week. So, seriously, thank you.”

He nods, “I’m sorry to hear your week hasn’t been very good. Is there anything I can help with?”

“No,” you shake your head, but then halt the action as a thought crosses your mind. “Unless you happen to have access to a time machine?” You ask playfully.

He chuckles, “I do actually, but why do you need a time machine?”

“Just so I can fix a few mistakes from my past,” you nonchalantly answer, but then his words fully sink in and your eyes widen once again. “Wait, actually?”

“Yeah, actually,” he grins as he brings his index finger up to his lips in a ‘shh’ motion. “But that’s just between us, no one actually knows that we have one.”

“Damn,” you mutter as you glance back out at the water. “And here I thought self driving cars were insanely futuristic. But a time machine blows that out of the dang water.” You quickly shake your head, looking back up at him, “sorry, yes, your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell a soul.”

He just smiles down at you, “perfect.”

A few moments of silence go by as you both just enjoy the comfortable moment, just standing quietly at the waters edge. As if time has come to a complete stand still, and no one else exists in the world. But then your mind reminds you of the real reason he brought you here, and your curiosity won’t allow you to stay silent any longer. “Um, I believe you wanted to tell me something,” you turn to face him, giving him your full attention.

“Right, right,” one of his large hands comes up to rub the back of his neck again. “I ah, I just wanted to thank you. Ya know, for all the kind things you said about me. Honestly, it was really refreshing to have someone say all of that to me. I’m not really used to people caring that much about me—“ he shakes his head, “no, that’s not the right wording, I mean more, the sentiments behind your words. Lots of people idolize Captain America, they wish him the best, but not a lot of people actually acknowledge me, Steve Rogers, as a person. So it meant so much to me that you were talking about me, the guy from Brooklyn, and not the hero persona I live in the shadow of every day.”

Before you can think better of it, you reach out to gently lay your hand on his forearm. And yeah, you have to force yourself to ignore the instant tingles and warmth that floods your system, just from merely touching him. This is not the time to perv out.

“I’m so sorry, Steve. You truly deserve so much better than that, and I apologize on behalf of my generation for making you feel less important than the Captain. Because honestly, that couldn’t be further from the truth. There would be no Captain America without there first being a Steve Rogers.” You remove your hand from his arm, “and furthermore, Steve can and will live on without the Captain, but the Captain cannot live on without Steve. It’s impossible, he does not exist without you.”

He just stares at you, silently, as his face holds an unreadable expression.

Feeling like you might have overstepped or said too much, you quickly shake your head, “I’m sorry, ignore me, I’m totally rambling again.”

“No,” he shakes his head now, as if snapping out of it, “please don’t apologize, I was honestly just a little caught off guard by all that you’d said—in all the best ways, I promise.” He smiles, “I can’t even begin to explain how truly amazing it is to actually hear someone say that. After all these years. It’s just,” he sighs contently, “it’s just really nice to hear, is all.”

You smile up at him, glad your rambling meant so much to him. He deserves to hear these things, and you believe every word you’ve said wholeheartedly. You wouldn’t have said them if you hadn’t. You may be a lot of things, but a liar or a fraud weren’t one of them. If you deeply believed something as true, you always voiced those thoughts. “I’m so glad to hear that,” you say quietly as you turn to face the water one last time. “I guess we should probably get back. Ya know, before someone comes looking for you,” you glance up at him and smirk. Knowing full well that no one is missing you currently, but you can only assume Steves absence hasn’t gone unnoticed by his team members, nor the press.

And honestly, you don’t need anymore gas thrown on the raging fire that is your life currently. The press would have a damn field day if they caught wind that you two were hiding out in some secret place, alone—Oh God, just imagine the headlines for that.

He sighs, nodding, “you’re probably right.”

Then with a final glance at your surrounds you both head back, you pull out your phone along the way to finish ordering your Uber. Because you refuse to walk back into the conference, side by side with Steve. It’s probably just best if you leave now, before anyone clues in that you both were together this whole time.

You reach the road again, and luckily managed to not fall or break a heel. Which is honestly a feat in and of itself. You’d have to put ‘skilled heel hiker’ on your resume once you got home. Because honestly, that was something any future employer of yours should really know, and appreciate.

You stop walking and Steve notices instantly, turning to look back at you, his brows furrowed in the cutest way. You have to stop yourself from reaching up to smooth out the lines, because it’s weird to touch strangers, right? Yeah, yeah, it’s weird.

“I’m going to head out, I’m sure I’ve missed the entire last part of the conference by now, and I kind of want to beat the rush of exiting press,” you say, which is all true, you just might have also strategically left out the main reason as to why you’ve chosen to leave early.

He nods, “ah, yeah, that’s a good point.”

You smile up at the beautiful man one last time, you’re not entirely sure if you’ll ever see him again, so you take a moment to memorize his features. Ya know, so you can happily and accurately daydream about him later. But then the sound of an approaching car hits your ears and you glance to see your Uber pulling up and—shit. Of course he would have the fastest response time of any Uber driver in history. Because yeah, clearly you aren’t supposed to spend anymore time with this amazing human. That’s just your damn luck.

You turn back to him, and saying goodbye now honestly sucks, but you both have lives to get back to. “Thank you again for showing me your spot, Steve. And for just taking the time to talk to me, it made my whole week so much better,” you smile as the car pulls up beside you both. The driver quickly confirming you are who he is picking up.

“No worries at all,” he smiles back, “it made mine as well.”

Your smiles grows at his words and you reluctantly force yourself into the car, waving as it pulls away.

And as it makes its way down the road, you slump back into your seat, releasing a deep breath. This afternoon will forever live on in your head; the day you met Steve Rogers in the flesh. It will, from this moment on, be your all time favourite memory, hands down.

Steve’s POV

Steve stealthily makes his way back to the compound, rejoining the touring group as his teammates show the press around the main areas of the facility. He falls into step next to Buck, who is lingering near the back to ensure no press members sneak off or get lost.

“So,” Bucky pipes up quietly after a few moments of them just silently walking side by side. Not even turning to look at Steve, and instead keeping his eyes fixed ahead of them both. “How was it? Did you manage to catch her?”

Steve smiles widely, he couldn’t prevent it even if he’d tried. “Amazing, Buck. I did catch her, and she’s just,” he pauses, no words really holding enough meaning to describe Y/N. “she’s amazing, in so many ways,” he finally finishes, even though the word he’s picked really doesn’t do her justice.

Bucky grins widely, “so, when do you see her next?”

And Steves steps falter just slightly at his pals words.

Bucky stops walking altogether, gaping at Steve. “Punk,” he says slowly, “please tell me you got her number?”

“Shit,” Steve cringes as he stops walking as well, he knew he was forgetting something. He then sighs loudly as he drops his head forward. “I totally forgot.”

Bucky groans loudly, “Punk, we talked about this! Rule numero uno, always get the cute girls number!”

Reader’s POV.

You’re sitting at your dining room table, laptop in front of you as you slowly work on the Avengers article for your boss. You had luckily gotten a bunch of photos and recorded most of the conference, so you have more than enough to work with. Which, thank fuck for that. You really need to keep your job, at least for now, at least until you can secure something better.

Your phone starts to ring and you glance over at where it currently sits on the table beside your laptop. You pick it up and see it’s an unknown number—which yeah, that’s a little odd.

You hesitantly answer, unsure who it could be, “hello.” But then there is no response, you pull the phone away from your ear to see if the call is still active, and it is. You put it back to your ear, “hello?”

“Uh, yeah, hi, sorry. Is this—is this Y/N?”

“It is, may I ask who’s calling?”

“It’s um, it’s Steve,” he says and instantly you almost gasp because how did he— “Steve Rogers,” he quickly clarifies, as if you wouldn’t have figured that out already.

You giggle, because this man is just far too adorable for words. “Hi Steve, how are you?”

“I’m good, I hope you don’t mind that I’m calling you. I was going to message you on Twitter but I honestly couldn’t figure out how to do that. And I’m not really any good at texting, so a phone call just seemed like the best option.”

You smile widely, barely containing your laughter at how flustered he sounds. “I don’t mind at all, it’s so nice to hear from you. Though I am a little curious how you even got my number.”

“I ah, I sort of had Tony look it up for me.”

And that does cause you to laugh, “I should have guessed. So, what can I do for you, Steve? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I just,” he takes a deep breath, and now you swear you can hear voices in the background, you just can’t make out what any of them are saying. A scratchy sound rings through the phone, as if the mic is being covered by something and then you hear a louder muffled voice now, but still can’t make it out. However then the scratchy sound stops and Steve speaks up again, “I ah, I was just curious if you’d be interested in maybe going out to dinner with me sometime this week? I mean, ya know, if you’d be interested in that,” he pauses for a second then quickly adds, “Did I already say that?”

You hold back the excited giggles that want to break from your lips, he is clearly flustered by this and the very last thing you’d ever want to do is make this worse for him. Or to hurt his feelings by laughing at him putting himself on the line like this. Asking someone out is nerve wracking enough in this day and age, let alone when they laugh in your face—or over the phone—directly after you ask.

“I’d love that, Steve. Which day did you have in mind?”

“Friday?”

“Friday is perfect,” you grin widely, then you quickly exchange details and give him your address as he insists on picking you up. You both then say your goodbyes and hang up. And the second you put your phone back on the table, you squeal loudly.

You have a date with Steve Rogers in 5 short days, and you honestly couldn’t be more excited for it. And this all came to pass because you’d been on Twitter Drunk. Who would have ever seen this insane turn of events coming. You certainly wouldn’t have.

And shit, what is Lindsey going to say about all of this? Oh God, when she finds out she's going to just die. You pick up your phone and dial the familiar number, knowing that she’ll be pissed if you don’t tell her right away, or if she hears it from anywhere else other than you.

“Hey Y/N,” her chipper voice plays through your phones speaker.

“Linds, you’ll never guess who I have a date with on Friday. But you have to promise you won’t tell a soul, or so help me God, I will disown you!”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

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go-diane-winchester · 5 years

Text

New question: Why do I dislike Misha and his fans?

@super-who-loser asked the following question:

Hey, I’m not trying to come across as rude or anything I’m just wondering why you dislike Misha so much? I know Jared and Jensen have been there since the beginning and yes, there have been times where his character has been pretty useless but I don’t hate him and you’re being really mean to some Destiel shippers and like I know that it’s obviously never going to happen and Cockles is a big no no for me but I am confused about why you really don’t like him? I’m honestly just curious

Thank you for the question. Let me point out before hand, that my irritation towards Misha has nothing to do with a ship. I used to read destiel slash. I used to like Cockles AU. I don't ship wincest. I ship AUs. Its my favorite slash subgenre. So no, this is not a ship argument. Ship whatever you want, but mind your manners. There are many things that I don't like about Misha. However I am choosing to answer only from a SPN perspective because that is the primary way that we know him.

MISHA AND SLASH FICTION

You may not realize this but Supernatural has been on the air for so long that it, plus its fan base, has experienced and initiated a few changes and trends. In the space of fourteen years, filming became digitalized. Social media, which was a fledgling thing back then, is the norm now [I have a disdain towards social media]. To put it into perspective, the child actors that played Asher, the Antichrist kid [I forget his name] and Little Lillith from the early seasons are likely in their 20s now. Trends in entertainment changed. Hollywood seems poised to implode upon itself, geographically, with major entertainers moving house to outlets like Netflix. Netflix, not bound by geography, is likely to become the next Hollywood. Slash, too, has undergone change. And as far as SPN is concerned, that change has not been organic. It has been by design and at the hands on Misha Collins.

When Castiel came on board, there were already two prevalent pairings in Supernatural: Wincest and Bobby/John. There were other pairings. But these were the most prevalent. So Supernatural had slash fans already. These fans were already aware of what slash fiction was, and they were a self-monitoring group. They realized that the actors were aware of slash and didn't want it to be the focal point of their con appearances, because they didn't want the fans to think they were hinting at anything. The fans understood and ever since, they have respected the actor's wishes. When some fans liked Dean's interaction with Cas, they started shipping destiel.

Destiel's old fans were just like all the other shippers. They were treating destiel the way it should be treated. Like a fantasy. They did artwork and literature about it and kept it to themselves, as they should. Misha never knew what slash fiction was, until he looked on Tumblr and found Destiel. In his words, he used destiel to ''keep this gig for longer''. He kept talking about destiel even though he was instructed not to, and pulling the LGBT into it, to make it look like destiel was about gay rights and queer art, when it isn't. There are various kinds of destiel written by different people, from different perspectives, for different reasons. That is true for all pairings everywhere. By making destiel about the LGBT and waving the ''no shipping question'' rule in convention panels, he did two things.

He turned destiel into a vehicle for LGBT activism. Instead of being a pastime, now destiel is used to fight for LGBT representation, even though, many of the LGBT people within my own circle despise him for it. Most of the people fighting for LGBT representation are actually quite homophobic and insulting in their thinking and logic. And they are not even LGBT. They are just a bunch of straight girls for whom, their fantasy has become a drug, and they wont stop until destiel becomes canon.

He turned Jensen into the bad guy. Misha spoke openly about slash. Jensen chose not to. He didn't want any part of it, and this is true about all the pairings he is a part of, not just destiel. Because of his choice, Misha fans make negative comparisons between him and Misha, even saying that Jensen is a homophobe/biphobe because he doesn't want to talk about destiel or make it canon. They ranted about it on social media and mass media picked up on it. The University Of Sydney has an academic paper, under Celebrity Studies, dedicated to Jensen's supposed homophobia. The destiel shippers are literally Jensen's reputation.

Misha should have left slash alone. Any fan of his will know that he overindulges the slash fans. And the one thing that I noticed about slash fans, is that you don't give them excessive attention, or they will go completely crazy. It doesn't matter what they slash.

Harry Styles and Liam Tomlinson learned that the hard way, because the Larry fans destroyed their friendships when they over-emphasized the fan servicing. They did the fan servicing because Modest Management told them to, they ended up hating their fans for what the fans became. They have since severed ties with Modest. Even on a day when one of them was mourning the loss of a parent, the fans who pushing the other guy so they could have a ship moment. These two boys were very young when they entered the band. Harry was 15 years old. They had youthful ignorance to blame for making the decision to blindly follow the manager's instruction. Misha cannot make any of those excuses.

Misha got into the show at age 35. He was already a grown man. He was not a pivotal part of the show and therefore the only notes he was getting, was for his acting. He wasn't being coached by anyone as to how he should engage his fans. He was too small a fry for that. In fact, no one was sure how long he would last on the show. So these notes were only acting, including one telling him not to adlib his lines. Whatever transpired between him and the destiel fans, happened because he orchestrated it.

MISHA AND SUPERNATURAL

When Cas came on board, he was fun new character. By the end of season 5, he had run his course on the show. The show didn't need his character because [and as a writer I understand this] the presence of Castiel hampered the progress of the story. Sera Gamble dealt with that frustration during her tenure as showrunner. Cas was an angel. If he was an ally to the boys, the boys should have a more powerful nemesis. After all, they have an angel buddy to help them. Unfortunately, they couldn't keep coming up with more and more powerful bad guys and negative elements, especially on a show where the biggest bad guy, the devil itself, and the worst case scenario [the apocalypse] has already been dealt with.

During 6 and 7, they had Soulless Sam, Sam's wall, the leviathans, Metatron, the demons, Crowley, Dick Roman and even the Alphas, if I am not mistaken. So many bad guys and bad situations, because the good guys had a powerful angel. They could make him lose his power, so he wont be such a powerful ally. And they did exactly that. But Misha has very few skills to show off. Imagine if Osric was Cas. Even without power, he would still be able to taekwondo the stuffing out of bad guys. He wouldn't be useless. Cas, without his grace, didn't help the story along. He didn't bring something extra to the story. He was pointless. So they made him a bad guy and for the first time in a long time, Cas was pivotal to the story.

Eventually, she got fed up of shoehorning him into the script and just did away with the character. But, rumor has it that Singer brought him back. And he was welcome by the worst Q score measurement ever. That would tell you that he was not appreciated as an actor by everyone, just his shipping and cult fans. Since then, Cas has done nothing important in the script until recently where he made a deal for Jack. Other than that, he has been an add on, and that is Misha's fault. Every time Jensen and Misha did a scene, Misha would overemphasize the destiel aspect, either via social media or during his panels. And eventually Jensen got fed up and cut the scenes short. Basically, Misha shot himself in the foot. The DeanCas fan service made for annoying television for people who didn't want to deal with shippy nonsense while they were watching their favorite show.

If they didn't add anything shipping related, the hellers screamed. If they did, the hellers screamed canon and queer baiting. Misha's interference did that. All he had to do was stop talking, and he couldn't do that, because his fan base will lose interest in him. In order to keep that one group of militants, Misha isolated all other fans and potential fans.

MISHA AND THE DESTIEL FANS

Misha's fan have sent Jensen various death threats, the receipts of which are on my blog. A few days back, a heller was setting Jensen's picture on fire because Misha tweeted a lie that there will be a turning point for Dean and Cas in the upcoming episode. So even though Misha was the guilty party, this psycho is punishing Jensen. These fans have also discussed kidnapping Jared's children. When they bully Jensen and Jared, they tag Misha in many of the tweets. Misha randomly does Q and A sessions based on his tweets, but he has never seen a single threat and bullying remark??.....in ten years??.....really?? Nah, I am not buying that. Frankly, I think the man just doesn't care. Acknowledging them will mean he will have to stop them which means he will eventually have to stop peddling destiel which means he will not have an audience which means SPN will kick him right out. The funny thing is, I think he is wrong. He might actually have more fans if he didn't alienate them with his special brand of shippy vulgarity. I could fill a page with all the receipts of the death threats. And Jensen doesn't deserve that.

I also call out destiel shippers on Tumblr so that everyone else can block the problematic ones. Have you noticed how many names there are for the destiel pairing? DeanCas, CasDean, DeanxCastiel and recently I discovered Dastiel. Have you ever wondered why? It is because they don't want you to block them. If you filter destiel, they will use another name. Why is that? That is not a ship. That's a cult. They want to indoctrinate. They tag destiel in other fandom names. They are trying to create more fans for a ship. That is why I call out specific people. Especially the ones that tag AKF in their destiel garbage. I have no issues with the good shippers. I have done posts about them. The bad ones might do something criminal one day, which is why they bother me.

This answer, only just scratches the surface. I am not telling you everything. I am not telling you about Jared, Robert Berens, Kim, Briana, Travis, Sera Gamble, Ben Edlund, Ty Olsson etc. I am just telling you the brief basics. I hope this answers your question. Have a nice day. Apologies for the inevitable typos.

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kelnius · 5 years

Text

A Viewer’s Review of . . .

I’ll be one of the first to tell you that fanfiction gets a lot more disapproval than it deserves. From Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead to Dante’s Inferno, people have been writing fanfiction for a long time, and when it is done well, it can be very popular. Heck, the Bible is one of the best-selling books in the world, and it is basically a sequel to the Jewish Torah written by someone who was a fan of the Yahweh character, but wanted to introduce their own canon with a messianic original character who wasn’t so “fire and brimstone”. So, fanfiction can be truly great and loved, when it’s done well. That being said, when it is done badly, you can get something like . . . well, Space Jam.

Apparently the idea behind the movie came from a series of commercials starring Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny, I think it was a Nike commercial for “Air Jordans” - and these ads were popular enough that someone saw a lot of potential money in this. I don’t usually talk about the financial decisions behind movies, but unfortunately, beyond the financial incentives, there isn’t much to this movie.

Through a series of contrived circumstances involving an alien theme park (called "Moron Mountain") attempting to kidnap several cartoon characters, the Looney Tunes recruit Michael Jordan to help them win a game of basketball against some very big alien monsters. Now, the problem with this movie isn’t really the plot. Yes, the plot is stupid but it's also a fun idea, which suits a kid’s movie, and it does go along with child-like logic for the most part. And this isn’t an Ugly film, it’s made well, with good editing and sound design, music - all the basics on the checklist. As well, when the Looney Tunes are basically being themselves, this film sometimes manages to be funny. But there are Two Major Problems with this movie, and both of them are Michael Jordan.

The First Problem: Michael Jordan cannot act well. The first scene in this movie has a five-year-old child called Brandon Hammond playing a young Michael Jordan who dreams of being a big star one day, and he is really good for a child actor. But, that child actor is more believable than Michael Jordan, even though Michael is meant to be playing himself. All of his scenes are frustrating to watch. Don’t get me wrong, for someone who isn’t an actor, he does alright in the live-action scenes - it has a television movie vibe, which makes it feel a little rough around the edges, but it’s tolerable. However, once he is kidnapped and taken to the underground Looney Tunes world (don’t ask why there is a cartoon world under the ground, it's never explained, and I certainly don't understand it), but it is painfully obvious that he is just standing on a green screen with no idea what he is doing.

They also include five other famous basketballers in this film, who are playing themselves: Charles Barkley, Shawn Bradley, Patrick Ewing, Larry Johnson & Tyrone "Muggsy" Bogues. All of these characters have their powers “stolen”, and also cannot act. It is painful to watch these guys try to be funny or charismatic. Now, I am willing to blame the director for these decisions, because making non-actors act this much was unnecessary, and since this was one of the early “cartoon/computerized/live-action hybrid” movies, they hadn’t perfected the methods and tricks that people use now, and this meant Michael was left acting in an empty room which would be hard for a professional actor, let alone someone who had only ever been in commercials. But, whilst I appreciate his effort and don’t blame him fully for this, I still didn’t enjoy his acting at all. They tried to hide this by dotting some other professional actors around, from Wayne Knight to Dan Castellaneta, and I think Bill Murray stumbled onto the set... The only actor, besides the young Michael Jordan actor whose performance I felt was worth mention is Danny DeVito, who voices Swackhammer, the evil alien businessman behind everything. He’s a very one-dimensional character, but he was fun.

The Second Problem: because Michael Jordan is a basketball player, the writers needed to make this movie “about basketball”, but they made the worst decision for this story, which was basically making this film into a kind of “sports movie”. Now, sports movies can be very good, I have enjoyed quite a few, it’s a formula that works. However, one of the ways that this formula works is by having a kind of gradual development. Sure, you can have a montage now and then, to speed things up, but a sports movie is about a slow development of the character, physically and mentally, and when the character overcomes a dilemma, the stakes are raised to meet them, to bring back that dramatic tension... until the third act when that tension is released with a win (either literal or emotional).

Unfortunately, in this movie, your main characters are The Looney Tunes, and they don’t really “do” character development. So, this movie attempts to partake in the formula, but because what they’re best at is telling silly jokes, most of the problems in the film boils down to a silly joke. And, I don’t have a problem with a silly joke, I really like watching Looney Tunes shorts because they have mastered the silly joke to a fine art, because that’s what Looney Tunes are all about. Quickfire comedy, slapstick, cartoon shorts about outsmarting the doofus; getting revenge on the meanie or just outright absurdity. So when you try to put them in a serious situation about imprisonment, and winning a sporting tournament with a retired basketball player, it falls flat.

And that’s the main problems in a nutshell. Michael Jordan could make a pretty alright sports movie, and the Looney Tunes make really great short comedy cartoons. But, when you try to make both at the same time, you end up with neither. The silly jokes keep being interrupted by a sports movie plot, but the sports movie plot is being ignored for the sake of one silly joke after another.

It's ironic that the villain behind the scenes is a greedy business-alien who is obsessed with profit, because this whole movie just feels like a lazy cash-grab. Kids liked basketball, especially the famous Michael Jordan & kids love the Looney Tunes, so this should multiply profits due to such broad appeal, right? It just goes to show that no matter how bad something can be, a marketing executive can always make it worse... This film is nostalgic for a lot of people, and I expect that kids will still enjoy it today. If you love the Looney Tunes maybe you can overlook the terrible acting of the human characters, and the irrational world-building and clunky pacing. But, overall, I don't think this is a great movie.

Took a Wrong Turn on the way to Albuquerque... - 4.5 ⁄₁₀

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welcometowcwmondaynitro · 6 years

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WCW Monday Nitro 22/07/1996

WCW opens this week with a shot of Mickey Mouse...

Because why not, I guess. As Tony welcomes us to the program we get a better image of the entrance area:

Probably should have opened with that instead of Mickey to be honest, but what do I know?

We’re treated to a shot on Tony and Larry Z with a VERY excited guy to their left.

That dude is ready for some WCW action. Going to be brutally honest and say neither of those shirts do Larry or Tony any favours.

Schaivone talks about the Olympic Games and Muhammad Ali lightning the torch at the opening ceremony. They then show video of Bishcoff giving a cheque to Ali at Halloween Havoc 1994, for a charity of some kind I assume.

Ali in his prime would have been 100% nWo, for the record.

As Tony continues to go on about this, there are two ladies in the crowd looking very confused:

Like the cameraman is actually an alien or something.

They then switch to Shaq with Hogan, for some reason...

Again, from years ago. Not sure what relevance this has to the current program. Shaq looks like he’s just realised Jimmy Hart is squeezing his ass, though.

Tony says they will have an answer tonight from the Giant as to whether he’ll accept Hogan’s challenge for the Hog Wild PPV on August 10th. Larry says the Dungeon of Doom will force the Giant to defend his title against Hogan. Because you obviously can’t say no to Sullivan and those stupid, painted on eyebrows.

They show the Outsiders’ bedsheet stunt from last week (it’s amazing how much of the Outsiders they show on this program, considering they apparently don’t want them there).

Our first match begins 3 minutes and 30 seconds into the program. The Blue Bloods music is playing and I’m hoping it’s No Fucks Given Steven Regal, but unfortunately it’s just Squire Dave Taylor along with Jeeves.

Tony says this is “the hottest ticket in Orlando”, which is funny as I’m not sure the people there actually paid for tickets. I could be wrong but I think they were just allowed in as general park guests.

Next out is the eternally pissed off Scott Norton. The commentators tell us that Ice Train Vs Scott Norton has been signed for Hog Wild, on the basis of last week’s argument I guess.

“Squire” Dave Taylor Vs Scott Norton

The Squire is the bad guy here, pretty much just because he isn’t American. The crowd chant “USA” at the start of the match to confirm Taylor is not welcome. This match consists largely of Taylor hitting about twenty european uppercuts whilst running into Norton a few times and falling over. Then this happens.

Taylor is thrown over the top rope onto the floor. No big deal, right? WRONG. The ref calls for the fucking bell and disqualifies Norton. There is no crowd reaction whatsoever. This was a total waste of time for all involved.

“Squire” Dave Taylor defeats Scott Norton via Disqualification.

The pair of them brawl on the outside for a while as Tony and Larry finally catch up to the fact Norton has been disqualified, as if the bell ringing constantly wasn’t a big enough indicator.

Norton carries Taylor on his back past the announce team, including the silent blonde woman, and they all duck to avoid being hit by Taylor’s boot or Norton’s girth. Taylor then just kind of falls off Norton’s back and rolls onto the floor. The referee declares Taylor the winner, and he’s very pleased with this.

Wonderful. Jeez, have only 7 minutes of this show gone by so far?

IRS, aka VK Wallstreet, is cutting a pre-taped promo for his upcoming match against Konnan.

You’ve gotta love the dollar symbol on his jacket. Just to let you know he’s all about money.

Anyway, he tells Konnan that “VK Wallstreet knows international markets and knows international superstars”, he calls K-Dogg the “kingpin of Mexico” but that there’s going to be a “hostile takeover” and Konnan had better be ready. He says this with all the intensity of an infomercial about the benefits of herbal soap.

We come back and Mean Gene is with Arn Anderson, Mongo, Benoit, Debra, Woman and Liz.

They’ve set up that fucking VIP area again. WHY CANDLESTICKS? IT’S STILL LIGHT AND THEY AREN’T EVEN LIT. WHY A MASSIVE PINEAPPLE AND A BIG BOWL OF FRUIT?

Well, at lest they’re using the area I suppose. Gene asks where Flair is. Anderson says it might be a question in Gene’s mind but it isn’t in any of theirs. He says Flair likes expensive cars and beautiful women, but that he likes one thing more than anything else. Gene says “he likes to showboat” and Arn continues “he likes to make an entrance”. I suppose that’s broadly the same thing. Arn says Flair will be here “right on cue” then takes a bite out of an apple.

Doesn’t look very tasty.

Gene switches to Mongo and says he’s got his work cut out for him tonight. Mongo yells “OH! Thank you Mean Gene” and says it’s been his pleasure to “take care of a few pretty boys in the WCW” and now he gets a shot at the “real pretty boys” in Macho, Luger and Sting. One of those three fits that description a lot less than the others. Mongo is certainly happy though.

Okerlund suggests to Benoit that Sting, Luger and Macho Man might take out their frustrations regarding the nWo on the Horsemen tonight. Chris Benoit says the three of them will experience the crippler first hand, “unrelentless, vicious, merciless. Silent but violent”

Not sure what the fuck Arn is doing with his face here - did he bite into a sour part of the apple? - but for the record “unrelentless” isn’t a word. You could tell Benoit knew he’d fucked up as he paused briefly after saying it... but it was too late.

Gene gets a bit too comfortable and asks Mongo for a banana. Mongo pretends to throw it at Gene, who reacts like Mongo is about to chuck a rock at him.

Arn is also holding up a banana.

Our second match is set to begin.

Why this guy is wrestling rather than checking the stock market or whatever else is beyond me. There’s an “IRS” chant as he comes out.

Next out is Konnan looking... colourful.

I swear these guys both came out to the exact same generic, plodding instrumental rock song. Most people are cheering Konnan, but...

Check out the guy on the right. He is booing and giving the thumbs down to Konnan as aggressively as he possibly can. He looks fucking enraged. There is a sharp contrast in style between him and the three beside him.

Konnan Vs VK Wallstreet

Larry says that Konnan wants the US title back because “he might not get back into the country without it”. It’s not a green card, Larry.

There’s a fat kid in the front row entertaining himself by doing poses.

In fairness the match is nothing to get excited about.

VK “IRS” Wallstreet dominates the match and spends the bulk of it working on Konnan’s leg. At one point Larry starts talking about putting women in their place again, but Tony shuts it down straight away.

Fat kid and his mother or father (can’t really tell) are waving at the camera a lot.

Well at least they’re having fun I guess. Dat Marvin the Martian t-shirt.

There’s a lot of rest holds in this one. Fairly sure I heard some “boring” chants.

Match ends when Wallstreet hits Konnan with a samoan drop (which Tony calls the “Wall Street Crash” - geddit?) but then Konnan rolls him up for the pin and this one is over.

Konnan defeats VK Wallstreet via Pin.

Okerlund is back with Sting, Luger and the Macho Man.

Sting is half-hopping on one leg like he forgot to take a piss before he came out.

Gene notes to Lex Luger that Flair isn’t here yet. Luger says Flair is “probably somewhere”. Yes, you’d hope so. Luger says that last week he got “stomped into a mudhole” (but wasn’t walked dry), “but where were (sic) everybody else? The Stinger and the Macho were in Japan”. He pauses for a moment, giving the camera a look...

Before repeating multiple times that they are here to make “a statement” - seriously, he says this about five times in the space of a minute.

Sting says that there’s only one guy around here who rides around here in a “big fat limo” and he can “stick it” ... Gene’s face here is hilarious.

Um...

Anyway, Sting says he doesn’t care where Flair is, he just wants to chomp on a Horseman tonight. Alrighty.

Gene says to Savage that he knows the Horsemen very well. Macho yells that he just wants to fight everybody and get it over with in one night. Oh, Macho, if only you knew.

Another Glacier promo airs. It’s funny because the original promos said “Glacier - coming July 1996″, then it changed to “Glacier - coming soon” and now it just says “Glacier”. From what I remember he debuted in September, so... yeah. Not sure what the delay was other than the realisation Glacier was a really shit concept... but I suppose after all the money spent on vignettes they felt they had to put him out there. We’ll get to that.

Tony says we’re about to see a “brand new 8-man tag”, as if that hasn’t been done before, then there’s a vignette on the participants. It starts with the four of them just... standing on some bridge, whilst generic rock music plays.

I think that’s “jobber” Jim Powers on the right, aloof from the group. He’s way too cool to be standing around with those dorks. Then Powers is walking towards us on the sand taking his shirt off, so we’re now essentially watching Baywatch...

He throws down the t-shirt aggressively, like he’s angry, but we don’t know what he’s angry about. Did he open the fridge and find that his last can of tuna had been eaten? Did he find his girlfriend cheating on him with another dude? Did another wrestler steal his “happy juice”? We’ll never know. I’ve just realised Powers is what would happen if you fused early 90′s Scott Steiner with Rhyno.

Anyhow, we basically see the exact same shots of Joe Gomez, Alex Wright and the Renegade. Close ups of their faces followed by them walking towards us on the sand taking their shirts off whilst the same generic rock music plays. WCW does realise this show is watched largely by men, right? I mean, I’m sure some guys enjoyed that, but I can’t help but think the general demographic isn’t going to be enthused by these guys posing like they’re in a crossover between Baywatch and a boy band video.

The original JOB squad.

We thankfully cut back to the arena (where that same fucking song still is playing) and Tony says this will be a “wild and woolly” eight man tag. I’m pretty sure only half of that description makes sense.

Schiavone tells us a “new member” of the Dungeon of Doom is about to be revealed in this eight man tag. This should be good. Sullivan did say he wanted to bring “all athletes” into the Dungeon so maybe it’ll be Linford Christie.

Three members of the DoD come out (along with Jimmy Hart), then suddenly a ginger guy wearing stereotypical old Irish clothes comes running out. As he sprints around the ring baring his teeth like a rabid dog, Tony says that he’s called “the leprechaun”.

I mean, it’s not worse than “the Shark”, but for goodness sake. It’s basically a normal-sized version of Hornswoggle acting like he has the infection from 28 Days Later. This guy is better known as Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker and was one of the main trainers at the WCW Power Plant. This was clearly a demonstration of how some gimmicks will leave you dead on arrival.

The Original JOB Squad Vs The Dungeon of Doom

We are literally about ten seconds into the match before Tony says “there’s a disturbance in the back” and the cameraman literally turns away from the ring and starts running towards the backstage area. Because fuck the match. Some asshole is constantly blowing a whistle, also, which is annoying as hell.

We see a bit more of the match before cutting again to the back.

Hard to see in the dark light but basically the Outsiders have entered the production truck, which evidently has absolutely no security in place whatsoever. It’s amazing how Hall and Nash are pretty much able to do as they please with no security there to try and intervene.

The Outsiders make the screen fade to black in and out. Tony and Larry are asking how and why Hall and Nash are able to waltz in and just start fucking around with a pretty huge TV show’s live production. Good questions.

Hall and Nash put in headsets and start directing camera shots. Obviously as the TV cameras are actually focused on them they are literally affecting nothing, but... whatever. They look like they’re having a lot of fun, and in fairness this is probably more entertaining than the match going on in the ring.

We do start seeing random crowd pans.

This kid’s tank top appears to be a few sizes too big. It’s literally falling off him. At first I thought it said “milf” along the top but I don’t think it does. I’m fairly sure that wasn’t a term in 1996. Those were more innocent days.

WCW yellowshirt security finally arrives and calmly ushers the Outsiders out of the production truck, telling them “we’re trying to do a show”. No shit.

We go back to the match, which Tony calls “high impact”. We wouldn’t know because we’ve literally seen nothing of it. Schiavone is getting more and more upset by the Outsiders being at “master control”, as he keeps calling it, and says “it’s a crime”. Well... yes, it probably is.

As Jim “Jobber” Powers stands around outside the ring...

Holla! Teddy Long comes out and informs him next week on Nitro HE’S GOING ONE ON ONE WITH... no, no he doesn’t. We can’t really hear what he’s saying because Zybszko is yelling, asking why Long is out there.

Powers is fired up by whatever Teddy says and starts cleaning house on the Dungeon. The match breaks down, then out comes the Giant.

He chokeslams the Renegade, Gomez, Powers and “Junior Hitler” Alex Wright. The jobbers are disposed of, the match is obviously thrown out.

The Original JOB Squad defeat The Dungeon of Doom via Disqualification.

Giant accepts a well deserved round of applause for ending that match.

Okerlund rushes to the ring to get involved. He tells Jimmy Hart “you scare me... especially when you’re behind me like that.”

OK. By the way, check out the back of Jimmy’s jacket.

Now if the Taskmaster actually made the effort to put that facepaint on then he’d actually look slightly less stupid. Instead he just chucks on a couple of silly eyebrows and says “that’ll do”. Put a little pride in your work, Sullivan.

Gene asks Giant whether or not he’ll accept Hogan’s challenge for Hog Wild. Giant says that when he came into WCW it was his mission to win the World Heavyweight Championship, and he did that. He said once he won the title he “swore an oath” to defend the belt wherever he needed to defend it. That’s kind of how it works when you’re a champion anyway, but sure.

Giant says that whilst Hogan has been off in Hollywood making movies and trying to win an Oscar (lol), he’s been wreaking havoc as the “cancer” of WCW. Giant says that once the nWo turned up WCW came running to him, asking what they can do about the nWo. Giant says he’ll chokeslam them all in the middle of the ring. There you go. Easy solution. What was everybody so worried about?

Gene says to Jimmy Hart that “we saw you at the top of the program with Shaquille and Hulk” ... does Okerlund realise that was in the distant past? Hart ignores Gene and simply says “Hogan, the Giant will be ready for Hog Wild”. Good to know.

The Giant has at least one supporter behind him.

There’s an advert for WCW Saturday Night, before we cut straight back to a match. The entrances were not televised so we’ll get straight into it.

Diamond Dallas Page Vs Prince Iaukea

I had to google the Prince’s last name. Easy to say, harder to spell. It’s just a case of getting all the vowels in the right places.

Prince is still wrestling barefoot for some reason. You would have thought somebody would have advised him to put some boots on by now. They aren’t just a fashion accessory, kid.

This match lasts a couple of minutes before Page bounces off the ropes and hits the diamond cutter.

Diamond Dallas Page defeats Prince Iaukea by Pinfall.

Chavo appears in an “up next” promo where he basically tells Dean Malenko to get ready for a fight.

Those eyes mean business.

We get a promo video on the Benoit/Sullivan feud. It focuses on Sullivan’s worrying obsession with taking his opponents to the men’s restroom. No comment.

Chavo Jr is out... no name graphic, though.

For some reason these people are dancing along to Chavo’s generic rock theme...

Except the little girl in the bottom left, who looks bored beyond belief. In her defence, it’s not been a stellar night as far as matches are concerned.

Deano is out next... no name graphic for him, either. I wonder if the Outsiders legit fucked up something in the production truck?

Chavo Guerrero Jr Vs Dean Malenko

The match begins and there are two oddities. Firstly I’m fairly sure the bell doesn’t ring to start the match, it just starts. Also the camera is panning across the crowd/nitro logo and totally misses the match starting. Good job. Maybe the Outsiders are actually still in the production truck controlling this thing.

A fast paced start to this one. Stinko eventually slows it down and starts hitting a bunch of suplexes and shit. Hour two is about to start and Tony has to remind us about the countdown because the little dynamite count down stick that’s usually in the bottom right corner is not there. I guess they really can’t get any on screen graphics up!

Fireworks go off and Eric Bischoff comes screaming through the audio as if he’s yelling to us from the end of a telephone line. They eventually get this under control, and Bischoff is way more enthusiastic than Tony was towards the end of that first hour.

Bischoff says that Heenan looks nervous, and although Heenan starts to talk you can’t actually hear him. He’s wayyyy in the background. Looks like production glitches aren’t just limited to the onscreen graphics. Some kind of gong sound affect briefly cuts off Bischoff before Heenan comes roaring into commentary on an unnecessarily high volume.

Malenko continues to work over Chavo as a lone person chants “boooring”. It really isn’t. The match is decent enough.

I’m telling you, that fat kid and the people who I assume are his family must be some of the most annoying people on the planet judging by how they’re acting like the front row. They’ve spent most of the show waving at the camera, making stupid poses and pretending to ‘fight’ each other. See example below:

To be fair to the guy on the far left, he’s not really getting so involved with it, but mustache, pink shirt and the chubby funster are just acting like idiots nonstop. Check out the expression of the kid sitting next to fatso:

Yeah. I feel for you.

Malenko has Chavo in this hold for a while, as fireworks randomly start going off.

Towards the end of the match Jimmy Hart randomly appears to start shotuing encouragement to Malenko. It wasn’t really needed as Malenko has been in pretty much total control for 95% of the match anyway.

Malenko gets distracted by the mouth of the south, which allows Chavo to sneak up from behind and nearly get the roll-up victory.

But he only gets a two count. Chavo then attempts an inside cradle for another two count.

Match ends when Chavo jumps off the top turnbuckle, but is caught in mid-air by Malenko, slammed to the mat and then wrapped into the Texas Cloverleaf. Game over.

Dean Malenko defeats Chavo Guerrero Jr via Submission.

Bischoff continues to hype up Hog Wild with the tagline of one million bikers and you, or whatever. They all get in free so no gate receipts for WCW. Great idea.

Meng is yelling largely unintelligible stuff. Jimmy Hart tells Ice Train that after he faces Meng he’ll be “cold as ice”. So, dead then?

We’re back with Bobby and Eric, who says the Outsiders were “slippery enough” to get into the production truck. I mean... come on. Look at them. Two guys over six and a half feet. They aren’t ghosting in there, are they? It’s just lack of security.

Eric then starts talking about the Giant/Hogan match, he says “talk is cheap, Hogan, and so are you”. There’s a lot of accusations you can level at the Hulkster, brother, but being cheap certainly isn’t one of them. Dude was one on hell of a wedge.

We’re onto the next match, out comes Ice Train...

Bischoff reckons Ice Train could be one of “the brightest stars in the years to come”. Not quite, Eric, not quite. They’ve at least got the on screen graphics back up, so that’s something. I do love how happy Ice Train looks when he comes out though.

You get the feeling he’s just a super positive guy.

The crowd are apparently loving the Train...

Except the little girl in the right. I think she’s actually crying. “No more jobbers, please”.

His opponent is Meng.

Get the feeling this one could be quite a stiff match. Ice Train is an absolute tank and Meng is... well, Meng. Speaking of Meng, Eric Bischoff says that “one hundred years ago, these people were cannibals”. I’m not sure that’s true. Apparently Tonga was known as “the friendly islands” when first discovered by European settlers and that was in 1773. It wasn’t the amazon jungle.

Ice Train Vs Meng

Ice Train starts off this match with some impressive agility, managing a leapfrog over Meng and hitting him with a flying cross body.

That is one heavy collision.

Teddy is out here again, watching the match. This guy is all over the place recently.

Meng and Train exchange some brutal chops outside the ring, before they get back inside and Train takes control. Meng swings momentum back his way and hits a huge leg drop. Meng pretty much continues to dominate. The match is very slow, as you might imagine.

The match ends when Meng and Train are fighting on the outside, and suddenly Scott Norton appears and attacks Meng.

Norton rams Meng’s head into the ringpost and that’s a DQ.

Meng defeats Ice Train via Disqualification.

Norton yells into the camera that he’s got Ice Train’s back, and Train won’t have to worry about anything until Hog Wild.

Could have just told him face-to-face, he’s literally a few feet away, but OK. Also not sure how this is watching Train’s back, he just got the guy disqualified. It��s not like Train was being double-teamed by the Dungeon.

A promo airs of Hogan’s heel turn at the Bash of the Beach and subsequent events, with an attempt at dramatic storytelling by some guy. He asks “who’s next to join the New World Order?”

Up next...

Eddie says to never underestimate a person, even after you’ve beaten them. Um... well, by that point it doesn’t really matter, does it? I guess he means in the subsequent rematch.

We then get another Glacier promo. The same one as earlier in the night. They could have at least made two or three to help add variety.

Now it’s a promo for Hog Wild. Jeez... are we ever going back to the arena?

Finally, out comes Psychosis.

He has cool music. I can remember thinking Psychosis in general was a decent wrestler with an interesting look. A shame he never really did anything useful in WCW.

Eddie it out and he gets a random burst of pyro from the top of the set.

Eddie Guerrero Vs Psychosis

Early “Eddie” chant from the crowd.

Fast chain wrestling to open the bout. It continues in typical lucha fashion. Eddie clotheslines Psychosis over the top rope...

That’ll be a DQ, right? It was for Scott Norton earlier. No? No. Apparently not this time. Always cool when the rules are just applied whenever it suits the storyline. Helps build consistency.

Well anyway, Eddie flies off the top onto Psychosis...

Bischoff says this is what makes WCW the most exciting place to be. What, rules applied differently depending on the match? Sure, very exciting.

Eddie rolls Psychosis back into the ring, hits a belly-to-back suplex and gets a two. Psychosis manages to hit some offence, then gets up onto the top turnbuckle and hits a flying spin kick.

Eric says that it is “magic”. Psychosis hits a suicide dive on Eddie, then a guillotine leg drop from the top rope.

The landing looks brutal on the back and buttocks though. Bischoff mentions that Psychosis is from “Triple A” and also name drops NJPW, which is interesting, as usually they just say “Mexico” or “Japan” rather than naming specific promotions. From what I remember WCW did have a working relationship with AAA and NJPW so it makes sense for them to mention the companies. They just don’t normally do so.

Match ends when Eddie hits a frankensteiner off the top rope on Psychosis, then gets up there again and flies with the frogsplash...

Doesn’t get much air on it so the landing looks kinda rough for poor old Psychosis. Anyhow, your winner is Eddie Guerrero.

Eddie Guerrero defeats Psychosis via Pinfall.

Eddie has possibly been the most over wrestler on the show so far. Not a high bar, granted, but still...

Ric Flair’s music hits and some random guy is peering out of the “C” of the WCW sign.

Hello.

We’ve got two horsemen and three horsewomen (?) but no Slick Ric.

We come back from a break to this...

Arn Anderson peering through blacked out limo windows, I assume looking for Flair. I find it odd that Flair hasn’t so much as contacted his best friend to let him know where he is, and Anderson instead has to resort to trying to see through dimmed limo windows. I know this is the era before cell phones were a big thing but surely somebody could have borrowed Booker T’s huge ass phone to make a call.

Arn eventually gives up and walks to the ring. Looks like he’ll be taking Flair’s place.

Out come Sting, Luger and Savage.

The name graphics have disappeared again, by the way. Never mind.

Bischoff is insinuating that Flair might have joined the nWo. Heenan refuses to believe it.

Mongo, Benoit & Arn Anderson Vs Sting, Luger & Savage

Sting and the Endomorph start things. Anderson pushes Sting, who shoves Arn back. Arn goes flying like Sting smacked him with a sledgehammer. Sting gives Arn a back body drop, then Benoit enters the ring.

Dealt with.

Macho is wearing an extremely colourful outfit.

Like somebody took a paintbrush and just went crazy. It works for him though.

Mongo hits a fairly basic neckbreaker and the commentators act like he just performed a flying headscissors. “What a move from Mongo!” yells Heenan. Yeah. He then calls Mongo “phenomenal”. I think we have very different definitions of that word, Brain.

Mongo hits one if the shittiest looking drop kicks I’ve ever seen.

Heenan goes wild, screaming “look at that drop kick out of McMichaels!” ... maybe he’s actually being sarcastic.

We get a shot of the limo...

Did they not do this same schtick a couple of weeks back? Just ban limos from the area. Problem solved.

Benoit beats on Sting in the ring. I don’t think Luger or Savage have literally done anything yet. Sting’s done all the work.

The Horsemen are still beating on Sting. There’s only a few minutes of the program left so we aren’t going to see much from Macho or Luger tonight. Easy money.

After what seems like an eternity Sting FINALLY tags in Luger, who comes in and starts decking all three of the horsemen.

Luger’s body is extremely shiny. It’s really noticeable.

The match starts to break down with all six men fighting in the ring.

You know something is about to go down. The camera cuts to the women - Debra is about to throw the metal briefcase in to Mongo, but for some reason Woman grabs it before she can and they have a brief tug-of-war. The Macho Man then appears and grabs the briefcase off them.

Bad intentions.

Savage comes in with Mongo’s metal briefcase and whacks Benoit in the back with it. Luger makes the cover...

And your team of babyfaces win using decidedly heel tactics. OK. I guess if you can’t beat them, join them? The crowd are delighted either way.

We come back after the break and Mean Gene is in the ring with Sting, Luger and Savage. Something gets thrown in the ring, Gene says “please lady, don’t throw your underwear in here. It’s in bad taste” ... at a theme park, I would say so. Jeez. Macho says “that’s OK”. He doesn’t mind.

Sting is first up. Gene asks him about the match he and Luger have against the Outsiders at Hog Wild.

For some reason Sting is holding on to the briefcase. Not a bad idea if the nWo are around in fairness. He seems to be pondering Gene’s question carefully.

Sting says that last week “the Total Package was feeling kind of beat down, you know what I’m saying?” ... well, yes, he was quite literally beaten down. A bit harsh for Sting to be making light of that but whatever. Sting says he and Luger aren’t feeling down, they’re just feeling mean. “I mean real mean”. Sting says he knows when the Outsiders’ birthdays are, and he doesn’t believe in horoscopes, and he was thumbing through the newspaper and the PPV is going to be really bad for them. The date matches Leos and that makes the Outsiders Leos... erm...

Indeed.

Luger says that the Outsiders have been pushing all the wrong buttons since they first came onto the scene. He says they’ve done a good job of pushing the three of them over the edge. Luger screams that he’s “losing it”, he says he cares about WCW and the Outsiders have had nothing but “disgust, disdain, and sarcasm” for it. Sarcasm doesn’t seem as bad as the first two but I get where he’s going. He says that at the PPV they’ll learn what he, Sting, Macho, WCW and the fans mean. I rag on Luger sometimes but I thought he had good, intense delivery here. He can cut a good promo when he isn’t stumbling over words.

Macho Man is next.

He says he’s talking directly to Hogan (with Luger giving the evil eye in the background). Macho says he’s going to beat Hogan up in the aisle before he gets to the ring to even face the Giant at Hog Wild. You might have wanted to keep that plan to yourself, Macho. Savage says the army, the navy and the militia aren’t going to be able to stop him kicking Hogan’s head in. Not sure the navy would have anything to do with it unless the fight spills onto a boat somewhere, and what’s the difference between the army and the militia?

Macho finishes the promo by saying “we’ve got a date, don’t be late, suckerrr!” as Luger gurns into the camera and Sting makes a weird face.

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

The show ends there. So no Outsiders or Hulk Hogan. We never find out who was in the limo either. Could have just been somebody randomly parked there, terrified as the Endomorph creepily tries to peer in.

“If I stay really still and quiet, he’ll go away eventually.”

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maariarogers · 7 years

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why is he your friend?

author’s note: i haven’t been writing fics for ages, at least not on tumblr because of life. i missed it, though. and dear even hansen pulls me right back in that i just [clenches fist] anyway. tree bros are #lyfe, even if i disagree with the name a little aha.

ps: anyway if you haven’t read jump, i fucking 100% recommend it.

Evan likes everything about Connor.

Well, no. Not really. That’s not true. Sometimes Evan really doesn’t like it when Connor gives that glare? That hateful glare, you know? That makes his blue eyes turn — sharp. Like knives. Like it could cut you. Like Evan could feel it everywhere down his skin and it’s. God. It’s awful, like Evan’s stomach would twist and turn and wishes he could just tell Connor to stop. Don’t do that to him. What did he do wrong? What did he fuck up this time? Or when Connor fights with Zoe. He’s so. Terrible. It’s so terrible. The way they talk. And sometimes it makes Evan feel so— so angry. Because Evan doesn’t understand, even though he does.

No, he understands that Connor is lonely and afraid and—he. He gets it. Not like how Evan feels, but the spectrum of their sadness is almost on the same level, and Evan — Evan at least knows it, and he gets that, but he’s still. Angry. Because. Connor shatters a lot of this image of Zoe in Evan’s head that he’s made up and that’s not cool but it isn’t Connor’s fault and why would Evan ever think Zoe’s so immensely perfect anyway when she really isn’t, because she’s human, because if she is perfect, then that’d be weird and wouldn’t that make her, like a robot? And what is the definition of perfect anyway? And it’s all strange and why do they even exist, and why does it even matter and—

Off topic.

But. Evan generally likes Connor. Not when he’s glaring or arguing or sneering or — or when he’s high. Because Connor’s level of angriness shoots up really badly when he’s not focused and there, and. He gets paranoid a lot and one time he gets really angry and it’s scary, and Evan really couldn’t remember much except his lungs can’t work well when Connor was staring at him like that, like knives were digging into Evan’s whole body and he feels like he could explode and melt all at the same time (in a very bad way, of course, and not in a gay way because Evan is not gay, because Evan is in love with Zoe and not Zoe’s brother) and Connor was seething about. About something. Maybe about Zoe. Or Larry. Or Cynthia. Evan couldn’t remember, but he’s apologising, Evan's saying sorry and Connor is still so mad, oh no, Evan wants to reach out, wants to soothe this whole mess but he’s making it worse because why wouldn’t he, because he’s such a mess himself, and why would Connor even care and—

A week later, Connor’s sprawled over (or on?) Evan on his bed and it’s weird and it’s — Connor’s heavy, heavier than Evan expects — and he’s crying, a little, saying he’s sorry and, “My drug dealer fucking punched me later, that piece of shit.” And Evan doesn’t get it, not really, but all he knows is that they might be okay, and Connor explained more that he’s sorry. He’s sorry that he fucked up. That he’s — crazy. And no, Evan was telling him, no he’s not. Not crazy. Just a little sick, maybe. Like Evan is. And Evan was so scared that Connor will punch him for categorising them on the same level, but all Connor did was snort-chuckle a little against Evan’s chest — where his snot and tears have all wet the area and Evan felt sticky and weird and was this okay? Was he breathing too hard? Was his chest too hollow that his bones felt like it’s prickling Connor back? — and stayed there. And maybe hummed. Like, he agreed. Which was crazy. Because in what world had Evan thought that Connor Murphy, the school’s resident delinquent and stoner, would ever agree with a lonely and pathetic loser like Evan?

“Anyway. Point is.” Connor was still sniffling and Evan can feel it — swear to God — just everything , every little movement, and it shook him to his core that they’re this close, that Connor wanted to be this close with Evan Hansen, the weirdest kid in school who hyperventilates on a daily basis like a goddamn career, and just. It’s weird. And it irked Evan a little that he’s not able to pick on his shirt, played with it, just do something — all he had was Connor’s own shirt on top of him (Connor’s own body and hair and everything, just everything) and he. All he’s left was to touch a little on the area of Connor’s shoulder. Petting. God, Evan’s a disaster. “I’m glad he did. One, I’m never gonna fucking buy anything from him again, fuck him. Second... I... I want to stop, anyway. Hansen. Fuck. I scared you, didn’t I? It—”

Connor was shaking his head, and again. Evan. Evan felt it. Everything. Suddenly it’s like Connor was so expressive, even if Evan can’t see his face. “I can’t scare you again. So I’m gonna stop. Probably.” And then slower, “Slowly.” Like it’s a promise. Like it’s an attempt. Like Evan mattered.

And all anxiety aside, Evan... just likes that moment.

Connor is — an enigma. A riddle that almost matches Evan’s own set of problems, but an entirely on a whole other world that Evan has yet to decipher. And Connor is nice. So, so fucking nice when he wants to be. He takes Evan to ice cream when he’s sad, and Evan take him to the park when Connor is sad. And Connor listens to everything Evan say even if he’s rambling! And sure, he calls Evan “stupid” or “weird” but never in a bad way, because whenever Connor would call him those, he smiles a little — this secret smile, the one look he sort of shares with Zoe, except it looks more dangerous and addicting to see because Connor literally sort of never fucking smiles — and Connor... Connor wants to be Evan’s friend, willingly, and not because their moms were conspiring for them to, and it just.

Connor makes Evan feels important. Sometimes even happy.

And it’s weird, because who would’ve thought? But Evan’s writing them all down anyway and printing them out because “Why is today a good day, Evan?” and the answer is: because Connor Murphy is my friend, and it couldn’t be truer and yeah, it makes Evan sounds so weird (and gay! a voice suspiciously like Jared claims) but who cares because it’s true it’s true it’s true it’s true and there’s so much to like about Connor anyway, so why wouldn’t Evan want to be around him, aside from the bad stuff that none of them could really help, but even with the bad stuff, Connor is improving and he shares more of those secret smiles and he talks to Evan openly and doesn’t deny that they’re friends in public and—

“Hey, you done?”

Evan spins to see Connor’s tall and thin stature leaning against the wall of the computer lab, and Evan feels nervous because it reminds him terribly of the incident nearly two months ago when Connor accused Evan of ganging up on him.

Despite having it already explained and Connor basically figuring out the rest of Evan’s problems (like the therapy and the anxiety and the friendlessness and the daddy issues) along the way of their odd friendship, it just... doesn’t sit entirely well with Evan. He’d upset Connor. And more importantly, he’d thought Connor was going to end him. Funny how things turn out.

Still, anxiety drapes over his shoulder and spikes up when he spots how Connor’s eyes narrow towards the printing machine hackling up Evan’s letter. Connor had promised he won’t read Evan’s letters if Evan wouldn’t allow it, but he’s sure Connor is thinking more bad things than to just rely on the trust. Still, he trusts. Meanwhile, Evan is just nervous that Connor would know.

God, Evan sounds so gay, doesn’t he?

And is he gay? He might be? Probably. Guys aren’t so bad, after all. And they aren’t much of a difference than girls. Just... erm, the private parts, probably. But. Um. And Connor. He’s— he’s not displeasing to look, per se. And added with their friendship, Connor is... is nice. Nice to Evan. And insightful too, in many strange ways. Like the way he talks about the planets or his weird and totally unexpected obsessions over aliens. And he's serious. But not, at the same time. And Evan likes him. But does he like him like that?

“U-um. Yes. Almost. I— You don’t have to. Wait. Um. It’s not. It’s not that important, anyway. You can go to class, I don’t mind, or don’t. Not. If you don’t want. If classes are boring for you, and it must be, because, I mean. I don’t want to sound stereotypical, but we both know you don’t really like—”

“Hansen, shut the fuck up.”

Somehow, Evan grins a little at that, but he stops his rambling. Glad for it even. “You haven’t had your coffee, have you?”

“What the fuck do you think?” Connor groans, and thuds his head against the entrance, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose to ooze out his frustration. “Cynthia was being a nagging bitch, god I can’t fucking stand her.”

“I think your mother’s nice.” Evan admits thoughtfully, before he chews a bit on his lips. Frowns. “Y-your. Your dad. I don’t. He’s not very nice.”

“Really? Didn’t notice.”

Connor hadn’t sounded sarcastic — more so that he'd sounded monotonous and bored — but Evan sticks a tongue out at him anyway, which earns him another one of those secret smiles, and honestly. Honestly. Even if it’s not a good day, how can it really be that bad? If Evan can make someone look like that?

Connor hisses at his phone when he pulls them out. Evan assumes he's checking the time. “Is your letter done? We need to hurry.”

Thank God he isn’t snatching it away, Evan thinks, properly folding the letter from the printer to slide it in between his copy of To Kill A Mockingbird. He puts it in his bag and looks up to see Connor spying on them, his curiosity bleeding heavily through his expression that Evan has this weird imagination how he could trace them all out. Thankfully, Connor still doesn’t approach. Evan’s glad for it, really, but isn’t, all at the same time, because he can sort of guess what Connor must be thinking and he doesn't like it.

“Fuck.” Connor’s hands in the pocket of his worn jacket moves — Evan think he's curling them into fists — and Evan watches how his blue, blue eyes slide elsewhere, glaring a little. “You writing creepy shit about my sister again, Evan?”

“What! No. Not at all. No — why would you — I mean. No.”

“You fuckin’ sure?” Connor raises a brow and Evan busies himself by checking that the door to the computer lab is shut completely, his other hand’s quick to play with the hem of his shirt. He swallows, nodding vigorously. “Y-yes. Yes. Of course.”

Of course. God. How could he possibly be writing about Zoe, no matter how nice or sweet or how caring she was, when sometimes Connor Murphy overwhelms him. Especially recently. “In fact... maybe one day I want you to... to read them.”

“What?” Connor’s immediate response is quick, startling. Evan is surprised his whole bones haven’t jumped out of his body just yet.

Evan finds his voice. “R-read them? I want you to... It’s. Um. Special. But not — today’s no — Not yet, I don’t. Um. One day I want you to read them and tell me what you think even though it’s weird and I’m sorry if it is but I trust you, Connor, and that’s cheesy, but I do, but it’s important to me, a little, or a lot, I don’t know, but maybe one day if you want, but if you don’t want that’s okay too, it’s perfectly fine, because I’m weird and sweaty and a loser and—”

“What did we say about shutting up, Hansen?”

“That I... should practise it?”

“Yeah, and fucking breathe, will you? Geesh.” Connor puts a gentle hand at the back of Evan’s shirt, reassuring, and Evan almost splutters a ‘sorry’ except Connor threatens to kiss his mouth while his own is filled with cigarette smoke and that. Ew. That isn’t hygienic at all. “Shit. So the letter... It’s about me?”

“K-kinda.” Connor tenses, and Evan follows suit. “Is that — is that okay? I won’t. I won’t show it to anybody. J-just the doctor. You... you know this, Connor.”

“I do.” Connor breathes, and runs a pale hand down the messy strands of dark brown hair. He repeats: “I do.” And then, “It’s fine. As long as... yeah. Whatever. You didn’t, like. Talk shit about me, did you?”

“No.” Evan finds himself smiling for some reason, and catches Connor’s eyes. “Just good stuff, promise.”

“Yeah, as if I have those.”

Evan doesn’t answer, but they both know he's silently disagreeing.

Connor breathes.

“S’fine. I’ll read it one day. If you show me.” The taller of the two gives a look, and Evan almost beams! Connor smirks, and the blue in his eyes are soft. Kind. Unlike when he’s glaring. And Evan finds himself liking them. Connor doesn’t glare as much now, and it’s. It’s breathtaking. Almost. And the smirk. God. "Guess I have something to live for now, huh?”

Me too, Evan doesn’t disagree.

PS: if you want to send in prompts so I could write more about these two, feel free! also posted over here.

#tree bros #evan x connor #connor x evan #evan hansen x connor murphy #deh fanfic #i cant believe i've started writing again #IM SO DEEP INTO THIS YOU GUYS AHHH

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evenstevensranked · 7 years

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#34: Season 3, Episode 7 - “Raiders of the Lost Sausage”

Louis accidentally discovers that there might very well be buried treasure under his house and he’s determined to retrieve it. An Indiana Jones parody ensues. Meanwhile, Ren and Larry are literally tied together by the school guidance counselor in an attempt to end their rivalry. It’s quality content.

The very first minute of this episode lets you know right away that you’ve hit good’ol zany as hell Season 3. It opens with an emu being delivered to the Stevens house. Yes, an emu. Louis ordered one on a whim one day. We get a flashback to when he ordered it, which is pretty great. He called the totally legit and not completely asinine sounding company “Emu For You” and started awkwardly dancing to the jazzy elevator hold music.

Steve is the one who has to accept the emu delivery and is obviously furious. The bird immediately starts eating a family photo and I love how even in a professional, dressy portrait -- Louis is still wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

I want a relationship with someone as strong as the bond between Louis Stevens and Hawaiian shirts.

Louis is currently in the basement with Twitty and Tom, “bowling” with a frozen turkey and some soda bottles (the usual) -- when suddenly the frozen turkey goes flying through the wall, revealing a suspicious small tunnel.

Steve confronts Louis about the emu and Louis pulls some lame excuse out of his butt for ordering it. He says they should start breeding emus. Steve is all “Breed emus.... With one bird...” pointing out that lil flaw in Louis’ idea. That’s pretty funny. There’s a bit here where Eileen finds a giant emu egg and interrupts their conversation through the basement window, and gets attacked by the bird. You don’t actually see it happening though, all you see are feathers flying everywhere. Steve goes to help her and he too gets attacked. I always cringe at this, tbh. It’s just one of those wacky Season 3 gags. Anyway... Louis, Twitty and Tom agree to meet up the next day and investigate the tunnel.

Now, onto the subplot! We see Ren and Larry in Principal Wexler’s office, in trouble for accidentally pieing him in the face. They had the responsibility of choosing a new dessert for the cafeteria and couldn’t agree on one. They were goiiiing to pie each other, but Wexler walked between them that exact second. Of course. They’re still fervently arguing in front of Wexler so he decides that their rivalry has gone too far and they need to work it out with the school guidance counselor.

This photo makes me relate to the “....now kiss!” meme.

Louis does some hardcore research on what that tunnel in the house might lead to and comes to an... interesting conclusion. He discovers that a man named Grover Frazee, creator of Frazee Sausages, owned the property their house is built on. He became super rich off of the company and Louis believes that he most likely buried his fortune at the end of the tunnel. Something interesting: take a look at the opening credits for the episode...

Written by SCOTT FRAZEE! Dude legit named this sausage guy character after himself, lol. I always thought that was cute. I’ve said many times before that the writers are always throwing personal things in. I love it. Check out Grover’s bio though... yikes.

I’m not sure I’d be proud of that legacy. Also, he died at 43 years old... Pretty young. Maybe he ate a contaminated sausage and croaked. Also, all this talk of sausages feels like another innuendo. This show has no chill.

Louis put so much effort into his analysis, though. He treated it like a freaking college research project. Again, if he put this much effort into actual school assignments, he’d give Ren a run for her scholastic money. Tom is pretty great here. He starts singing the “We bet, you’ll go crazy... for that great, taste of Frazeeeee” jingle. It’s fantastic.

Ms. Shannon, the guidance counselor, decides to try an experimental exercise with Ren and Larry: Physically tying them together for 5 school days. As much as I looove this subplot, this always bothered me. Mainly because, how the heck does Ms. Shannon expect that to work? What if they have different classes, or need to be at different places at the same time, etc? We get a montage showing how they struggle with stuff like this throughout the day. The only issue is that the length of the leash dramatically changes depending on the scene. It’s so frustrating!

They clearly kept changing the length just so certain ideas could work. It bothers me so much, lol. I’m also 100% positive that’s not even where Ren’s locker is.

Louis, Twitty and Tom get to work shoveling out the tunnel. They bring in Beans to be their “dirt moving specialist” which is so annoying. He carries dirt in his pants from the basement to their laundry room like an idiot. They literally spend a minute showing him walking back and forth past Steve. It takes so long for Steve to catch on, it’s... ugh.

Why is he standing on the top of the little mound like that? lol. He says he’s putting the dirt in the laundry room because “there’s a big, scary bird in the backyard!”

Steve obviously goes down to the basement and catches them in the shoveling act. Twitty asks Louis what he’s going to do with his share of the money and Louis says “You know I’ve always wanted to travel. Help out the folks. Might even buy the old man a nice toupee, ahh?!” -- Unfortunately, Twitty is gone and replaced by Steve. We get a legendary Louis Scream. Can we talk about how Louis has always wanted to travel, though??? I suddenly want to see a happy Louis Stevens backpacking across the country later in life... oh wait. THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Shia LaBeouf is Louis Stevens, y’all. The similarities never end.

Steve is piiiissssed. Louis tries to explain that he’s done his research and there’s definitely... probably... buried treasure there. But, since Louis is always goofing off, Steve is convinced it’s another one of his crazy “half-baked schemes.” “NO! IT’S NOT HALF-BAKED! IT’S FULLY BAKED!!!” Louis insists. Steve basically temporarily grounds him. There’s a great bit with Donnie eating an emu egg that Eileen cooked for him. They’re delicious apparently, so she starts to see the bright side to having the bird around. “When life gives you lemons!” she says. And Donnie’s all “.......no, mom. They’re eggs.” What an underrated character. Steve walks in and starts complaining about Louis. Donnie pulls a 180 and tells him “You don’t have to believe in what Louis is doing. Just believe in Louis.” Dang, Donnie coming through with the proverbs. Steve takes this to heart and starts looking into Louis’ research.

Louis is so smart when he wants to be. Steve appreciates this.

They make this scene into a trippy sequence with eerie tinkering piano in the background as Steve remembers Donnie’s reverberating words of wisdom. I’ve always really liked this. We think he’s hearing Donnie’s voice in his head, but it’s actually Donnie creeping from around the corner saying the sentence repeatedly. “I heard you the first time, finish your eggs!” Steve says. This is hilarious. Immediately after that, they make the hands on a clock spin out of control, making it seem like hours and hours are passing by while Steve looks into Louis’ research. But then Steve just walks up to it and says “...I gotta fix that clock.” I always thought this was so freaking funny but to this day my mom doesn’t understand the joke and it drives me craaaaaazy! Louis comes downstairs to apologize, and to his surprise... Steve is on his side now! They team up and start diggin’ for that treasure! While they’re digging we get two of the greatest lines in the entire series:

Steve: “Louis.... why aren’t you at school?”

Louis: “...Why aren’t you at work?”

THIS IS SO PERFECT! I was going to point out that Louis, Twitty, Tom and Beans all should’ve been at school the whole time... but I was waiting until now to bring it up. TV shows always mess up timelines like that. This was such a hilarious way for the writers to acknowledge their mistake. So good. Mr. Scott Frazee and Co aren’t totally out of the woods, though. Louis and Steve are in the same clothes for basically the entire episode. But Larry and Ren’s subplot tells us that at least two days have gone by. Either Louis and Steve didn’t shower or change clothes for 2 days...... or they messed up. Oops.

Back at school, Larry and Ren are tangled around a tree (again, the leash was like, a foot long when they were trying to get at their “lockers” -- but now it’s conveniently long enough for them to get tangled around a tree.) They’re stuck and talk about how this experiment has only made them resent each other more.

But the longer they hate each other, the longer they’re tied together. So they both immediately get the idea to become fake fast friends so that Ms. Shannon will remove the leash. After frantically untangling themselves, they return to Ms. Shannon’s office and act all cuddly -- gushing over how well they get along after only two days! They say things in unison and Larry even calls Ren “silly soulmate.” Omg. Ms. Shannon agrees to untie them.

They leave the office giggling and laughing at how they successfully tricked her, without realizing that the experiment worked, lol. They’re actually getting along and it’s beautiful ok...

I had to include this overabundance of screenshots because look how precious!! This episode always manages to remind me how SALTY I AM over the fact that they never got together. What a power couple they could’ve been. A giant missed opportunity for a big series finale plot twist, if you ask me. They slowly realize that they’re getting along and are freaked out. They start yelling the same exact sentences at each other.... in unison..... because they’re silly soulmates. That’s the end of the subplot.

Back at the Stevens house, Louis and Steve have made it to the end of the tunnel. *dun dun dunnnn.* They reach a tiny door and use an extravagant key conveniently left under a little welcome mat before crawling inside the cave -- where a giant golden sausage is prominently displayed.

This is another one of those moments where I notice how much Shia LaBeouf and Tom Virtue actually look like father and son. Also... as a critically thinking child, I always thought “how the hell does this cave even exist? It’s not like it’s under the basement. The layout literally makes it just another room next to the basement. So that entire cave, with a ridiculously tall ceiling, would need to fit under a section of their house. Improbable.” It sucks not being able to suspend reality sometimes.

They approach the sausage and realize it might be booby-trapped. So they end up pulling an Indiana Jones. They even have Louis say, “I saw this in a movie once... You know what we need? A counterweight or something!” Slick.

But also like the famous Indy scene, the cave starts to collapse. Steve says “.......is that an.... ominous rumble?” which I love. For whatever reason, Steve runs away but Louis stays still for a ridiculous amount of time. In fact, just long enough for the ground to break and leave a giant gap between them. Louis makes an (iconic) jump for it:

Unfortunately, he drops the sausage once he reaches the other side and it falls down the gap into the great unknown. This makes me so incredibly frustrated every time, lol. But, they couldn’t exactly let the Stevens family become millionaires right?

And that’s it!! The main plot of this episode was never one of my personal favorites, but it definitely gets a whole lot of iconic points. As I mentioned at the beginning, this is a zany Season 3 plot, which have always been a lil difficult for me to get into. But there’s no denying that Louis’ jump is hilarious and the whole idea for this episode, including the title, is golden (no pun intended.) Not to mention this is yet another episode that eerily predicted Shia LaBeouf’s future. We all know he went on to star in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Say what you will about that movie.. but... He was in it. Which marks another strange parallel between Louis and Shia tbh.

And of course, I absolutely adore the Ren/Larry subplot. It’s like, THE episode to convince you that a romance between the two of them should’ve happened. It’s just great honestly.

Thanks for reading! Do you have any thoughts on this super memorable episode? Sound off below please! (Seriously, getting one little comment on here makes my day and reassures me that I’m not talking to myself lol)

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#rank #even stevens #season 3 #ren x larry #louis stevens #indiana jones #shia labeouf #steve stevens #comedy #ren stevens #larry beale #disney channel #tv review #nostalgia #tv #television #tv shows #old disney

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