What if 6, 10, 15?
SO true. gracias gracias im having so mucn fun lol
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Julian did not speak as the pair made their way through the dark streets, very aware of the blood that soaked his shirt, on his hands and in his hair. She eyed him warily in a way that was meant to be inconspicuous, but he was familiar with watching and being watched, and knew what it looked like. He did not speak, for he was unsure if his illusion would hold when he did. It may have fractured already.
She watched him.
He did not speak.
In a simpler world, on a different night, this blood could feel righteous, like karmic justice, like a deserved consequence. It wasn’t not those things. But there lingered something caustic that prevented any satisfaction from being carried through opened veins. Something still rotted beneath his lungs.
He did not speak, and tried to blame the cold for his companion’s trembling hands.
Something decayed in both of them.
He tightened his grip on his cane.
Send me a number and I'll write a micro-story with the word or phrase :)
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DO NOT BE AFRAID
this is combining Ovid's Heroides and the Excidium Troie because I can't stop thinking of Hermes telling him not to be afraid. what the fuck!! Ares is wearing the crown that Paris gave him.
I have. thoughts. about Paris. he's almost got this Troilos parallel in my mind, that the event that defines him in detail exists in a lost narrative that we don't have (the Cypria), but everyone else knew. the event that defines Troilos is his death (murdered, butchered by Achilles, the violence of which haunts everything after. Achilles, child killer, you can't escape that!), and the event that defines Paris is the Judgement. what's a lost text but a kind of grave!!
idk I don't think that Paris before the Judgement would recognize himself after bc when you become god touched, it rearranges your guts. you become transformed in the worst way possible! how could you recognize yourself! but I also think that all the Parises after the Judgement would recognize each other because that event is so locked into the trauma of war and the scar it leaves on the land, it's like a scar on the narrative too. it exists like this forever, over and over again, so you exist like that forever too. Troy collects grief and despairs.
Troy as trauma: Reflections on intergenerational transmission and the locus of trauma, Andromache Karanika
and Paris is like. a miserable little god/corpse-puppet or something, like a match for the gods to throw onto gasoline.
The Excidium Troie + Ovid's Heroides:
Excidium Troie, trans. Muhammad Syarif Fadhlurrahman
Ovid, Heroides 16 (trans. Harold Isbell)
a collection of things regarding Paris that made me go 😬 but under a cut bc this is getting. very long.
The Divine Twins in Early Greek Poetry, Corolla Torontonensis
Iliad 24 and the Judgement of Paris, C.J. Mackie
Elegy and Epic and the Recognition of Paris: Ovid "Heroides" 16, Elizabeth Forbis Mazurek
Ennian Influence in "Heroides" 16 and 17, Howard Jacobson
Paris/Alexandros in the "Iliad", I. J. F. de Jong
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Man sometimes I think about Dora and like yeah she's a fictional person and not real but Jesus christ imagine dating a guy and he's literally the worst like just absolutely terrible and he doesn't let you be A Real Person and you finally leave and he makes you into a cudgel to beat himself with in his horrible brain and then ALSO YOU GET USED AS A METAPHOR FOR THE VIOLENCE OF LIBERALISM IN A VIDEO GAME ABOUT HIM ????? AND THE NARRATIVE CONTINUES TO NOT LET YOU BE A REAL PERSON EVER
WERE THERE NO GRAVES IN EGYPT
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okay but the fact that we hear all about kaveh's life post-fall out with alhaitham, the fact he graduated, worked at construction firms and continued taking on others' burdens, had a hard time finding solo work because of how arts are perceived in sumeru, that he went to his mother's wedding in fontaine, that he took a vacation from work because he was stifled by the environment and felt he had lost motivation and worth as an artist, was determined to complete the palace of alcazarzaray at the cost of everything he owned just to have a tangible object of his efforts and view of art only for its outcome to further emaciate him, until he meets alhaitham for the first time in years, is understood at once, has no need to don a front as he does for everyone else in his life, is listened to, is challenged once more and reinvigorated in his perception of his ideals, is offered a second chance, a home, and accepts it, although he cannot comprehend why alhaitham would offer such a thing and yet not ask anything of relevant substance in return, other than rent
all of this, and we hear virtually nothing of alhaitham's life post-fall out with kaveh, besides his graduation and his taking on the job of the scribe. his character stories omit this part of his life whereas kaveh's is full of detail and emotion, mostly suffering. the first instance we see of alhaitham in this time is from kaveh's perspective when the two meet again in the tavern, and in this alhaitham endeavours to understand kaveh once more, before offering his house - the research centre previously allocated to the both of them for the success of their joint thesis before they fell apart - to kaveh.
we don't know why alhaitham moved out of his grandmother's house and into the research centre, why he renovated it from a research centre into a livable home, only that he did so after kaveh informed alhaitham through a third party that he was not in need of a house, nor do we know his thought processes and emotions in the years spent apart - the years that are carefully documented in kaveh's character stories. the image we are presented with is that of stasis; alhaitham pursues no other close friendships, he works as the scribe, owns a nice house within sumeru, is financially secure, and functions within, and carries out, his own ideals - is content with this way of life. in this, from alhaitham's perspective, there are no details necessary to give from this time
but in inviting kaveh to live with him, his character stories tell us that what he gains by doing so is the mirror of himself, both in personality and scholarly thinking, and in this, he is able to gain an enhanced view of the world, which otherwise would be limited. with kaveh being present in alhaitham's life, alhaitham believes that his vision is perfected, whereas it could not be before, with kaveh's absence. it is in this that we hear what alhaitham has been missing in his life, and ultimately, it is kaveh, not just as a scholar, but as a person
what is omitted from alhaitham's character stories is provided in kaveh's character stories; where we hear about kaveh's struggles, we don't hear about alhaitham's. perhaps this is because alhaitham did not struggle as kaveh did in terms of realising and achieving his ideals, but instead his struggles were in silence, recognising that his vision, and himself, had been compromised because he had rejected the ideals that served to enhance his own vision, that he had inadvertently rejected, and thus had been rejected by, kaveh.
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Lrb relevant something about the way each brother is constantly reiterating their trauma in an attempt to subdue it.
Jacob, most direct and long-term recipient of their father's abuse, surrounds himself with people he's conditioned to become violent at the drop of a hat.
But its ok, because he controls the trigger this time.
Joseph, left abandoned by the splitting of their family, creates conditions for his new Family that are so untenable it's only a matter of time before any given member tries to leave him.
But it's ok, because being forced to constantly negotiate, gaslight, and threaten people into sticking with him makes him feel like he has power over his isolation this time.
John reliving his childhood torture every goddamn day, carving himself up when he can't carve up others and having his fear of damnation dangled over his head by his brother god. Constantly repenting, constantly atoning, never forgiven.
But it's ok, because he holds the knife this time. When you hold the knife, you get to say when it stops, and you get to extract sin from others rather than have it extracted from you.
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I think with all the self-awareness Hannibal has, he doesn't actually know himself very well. That is a big reason why he is so obsessed with Will's view of him because he's never had someone who could give him an accurate reading of himself. There are things we all are unaware of that we do, and most of us can rely on others around us to point it out. But Hannibal has never had that. Even with Bedelia, she responds to what he tells her and what she guesses, but she is not able to truly read Hannibal either. Will is the only one who can. Hannibal is curious about himself, and Will is the only one who can tell him the things he does that he doesn't realize. He is the only one who can give him a genuine perspective. When the average person is discovering/questioning themselves and their identity, they can go to therapy, they could talk to their friends, Hell, they can go get drunk at a bar and talk to the bartender. Hannibal has no one who knows him and nobody who could give him any kind of self insight. Except Will Graham.
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