#its a TRAGEDY that this and the other 2 missing tracks were left out of the time album

[1980ssunflower]

song from me to min and ryan 😔💖💙

[greywritesthings]

Like they do in the movies

Oscar Piastri x reader

Angst

Warnings - major character death, grief, panic attack, no happy ending.

A/N - I've had the idea for this fic for ages and I'm sorry, fluffy fic is in the works :) Ik its short but i also made myself cry making this so i didnt want to drag it out

Read on AO3 instead!

Masterlist

OP81 Masterlist

Oscar's breath was caught in his throat as his heart hammered in his chest, he couldn't think, hear or see anything. You had just crashed out at spa, eau rouge, in the rain and you weren't responding. He was vaguely aware of Lando telling him something, then grabbing onto him as he fell to the floor as he processed the words “No signs of life, begin tragedy protocol.” that came across the radio. 

"Oscar! you need to breathe, come on, with me, let's go, anywhere that isn't here.” Lando practically drags the younger man to his feet, throwing the headset onto the nearest surface. He just wants to get them both away from the cameras of Netflix and sky who would no doubt try and film the driver's reaction to the news of a driver's death, especially when another driver was dating them. He drags Oscar through the garage and into his driver room where Oscar collapses all over again, Lando joins him, doing his best to comfort him but knowing really it's futile, the only person that could comfort him is going cold on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance.

“I thought we would have more time.” Oscar sobs into Lando's shoulder, clinging onto him as if he's the only thing left. “I want more time.” he continues to cry, begging for more time that he no longer has access to. Lando manages to shoot off a text, still holding the boy, to tell Andrea and Mark that they wouldn't be participating in the race if it went ahead and that he would be taking Oscar back to the hotel soon and he would be staying with Lando. 

It's now a year later and Oscar is standing in the same place you crashed. It was nearly nightfall but the sky was shades bright red, orange and purple, your favourite type of sunset. He tried to smile at the fact but he still found it hard, he tried his best but the shadow of grief still moved with him through everything. He nearly quit racing after you died but Lando and Mark had pretty much dragged him to the track again. His family knew he should continue racing but they understood that he lost the girl he loved through the sport. 

He lives with Lando now. Lando had insisted he live with him after the crash and Oscar wasn't in the mindset to argue. The apartment he had in London was too much for him to go home alone on a regular basis. He went there when he missed you, he slept in your shared bed, taking up your side instead of his. 

He still cried regularly, especially in the lead up to Spa, he had nearly pulled out of the race entirely and McLaren still had the reserve on standby but once he started qualifying he was in it for the race. He had cried after FP1 and 2, sobs wracking through his body as soon as he got to his driver room, Lando coming to find him soon after. 

“I miss you, I miss you like you left me yesterday Roo, Mum still sets a plate for you when I go home you know?  She made you a sweater for Christmas too Honey, you would've liked it I think. I put it in your wardrobe at home for you.” He sighs, looking up at the sky, the moon creeping over the horizon. He decides to lie down on the tarmac, hand laying out in the way it would if you were holding it. 

“I love you Roo, everyone who's down here loves you. Me and lan gave you your own little corner in the living room you would totally call cheesy, We also have helmets dedicated to you this weekend, you would call us dorks if you saw them.” He smiles. He and Lando had designed opposite colour scheme helmets in dedication to you, the other drivers had a purple heart on their helmet for you as well, Oscar and Lando having added theirs permanently last year. 

“Come see me in my dreams or something, like they do in the movies, I just want to hear your voice again and I can only watch so many of the same YouTube videos of you and Charles so many times you know.” He smiles at the sky again, now practically dark, the stars showing through. He could only smile at you now.

“I wish we had more time, it's not fair, nothing about it is fair, you had your life cut so short and now i have to keep going without you when it's like half of me was left here a year ago.” He speaks into the sky, closing his eyes, letting the tears fall. 

“I really thought we would have more time kanga, I really wish I could have given you more time.”  you whisper, thumb brushing across his face, not quite able to brush the tears away. Breaking your heart all over again.

Add yourself to my taglist here!

[odditycollector]

gamdave for the ask meme! and or, erijake??

Dave/Gamzee

1. I am not sure there is another pair of people in homestuck who have quite so skewed a ratio of "resounding & negative impact on each others' lives" and "fucks given about that".

Like, okay, I am p sure Dave does not understand that Gamzee manifested Lil Cal as a physical object, and I am p sure that Gamzee does not regret his awakening as a murderous shitlord, but you see what I am saying here.

2. Serendipity meets Final Destination

Gamzee and Dave are two random strangers who share a minor act of assholery between each other. So minor. Like, maybe they are both at the convenience store at 3am for doritos, and there is only one bag of chips left. And Gamzee snipes the chips out of Dave's almost closed fingers, and in response to his smug sneer Dave crunches the bag, making the chips not be triangles anymore.

And neither really remembers this moment the next day because it is so petty and let's be real they were both probably stoned. But somehow the fateful repercussions from this event are rippling out into the world like a terrible Rube Goldberg avalanche, starting with minor misfortunes and building quickly into mass destruction and death.

Meanwhile Dave and Gamzee are going about their lives with an occasional bemused glance at a wackily awful newscast.

Anyway, it seems like things are dominoing into some kind of worldwide calamity, BUT ACTUALLY everything has been lining up to get Gamzee and Dave onto the same stage so they can have the greatest rap off of all time and also just SUPER hit it off.

As things fade to credits we hear them being all, hey you look kinda familiar youre sure this is the first time we met right? yeah, think id all remember a motherfucker….

(and then the last camera shot is something is knocked off a counter in their wake and that hits a spray bottle which rolls across the hallway… and a creepy noise plays because that is the rule on how to end a movie like this)

Eridan/Jake

1. I am not sure if I have thoughts on Eridan/Jake, but the possibility of Grandpa seducing ancient Beforus Eridan (in homestuck + its game Old Man Jake has so many portals why NOT to Beforus) is both logistically defensible and very funny.

2. Jake is sad and lonely and really misses his good buddy Erisolsprite and decides to track down Erisol's component pieces in the dreambubbles. Sollux, wisely, continues to desire no part of the situation. But Eridan, on finding a guy who WANTS him around, gets really clingy about it (do not believe his posturing otherwise)

He offers to mentor Jake in the Way Of Hope and despite Jake being a god tier achiever and Eridan being a mortal ghost Jake is like, yes sure that makes sense, maybe if i knew more stuff about my powers i wouldn't be a miserable wreck right now, teach me up.

So Jake learns cool shit about weaponizing Hope, but mostly (through Eridan's whiny self pity) he learns that he is not the worst person ever at interpersonal relationships. It puts his friendship errors in perspective, and he even offers Eridan some advice in that department! Which makes Jake feel mature and wise but otherwise does not do shit 'cause ghosts can't change.

Is there a more poignant moirallegiance tragedy in all troll literature? i doubt it.

But then in the end there is an empty green sprite kernel from an unused timeline and Jake invites Eridan to return to being his prescribed guide in the sort-of-living world, and Eridan accepts.

(This is a very weird basis for a relationship from a human POV but neither notices.)

[6kate1bishop6]

okay so i rewatched the batman for like the 5th time last night / this morning and i was having too many thoughts to put them all as a letterboxd comment so here are all my little semi connected ramblings on the film 

starting off strong with right at the start the drophead guy that tried to rob the convenience store, its just so interesting to me that he was scared of the batman even when he wasnt there and so he ran back into the street and got hit by a police car but the police just yelled at him like they didnt try to stop him or anything -- metaphor for how the batman is offering solutions and providing suspects for the police and stuff but theyre too corrupt to do anything about it ? maybe 

it’s the whole system -- just that quote is so good, i should remember who said it considering i literally watched the film 2 hours ago i think it was gil but again super good line just encompassing the fact that the gotham justice system does not offer justice, it is corrupt down to its core and it is failing the people 

bruce wayne my blorbo this is just a point about how smart he is and like he just catches on to things but its interesting because he can understand how the riddlers brain works also when bruce punched jim and then jim was like you couldve pulled that punch and bruce was like i did he is so im just kind of obsessed with the fact that he trains for this and its just interesting anyway point about my poor little meow meow over back to analysis 

the good cop batshit cop contrasted with brains and brawn -- bruce and jim work together well, they bounce ideas off eachother especially in that scene with the penguim and the way when jim pretended to side with his captain (??? i cant remember) bruce was like et tu? and then that contrasted with batman and the riddler the way riddler thinks hes working with bruce because they both understand a fundamental aspect of eachother and sure bruce is on the same wavelength as him sometimes but its only to track him down and riddler just completely does not realise 

when alfred intercepts the assassination attempt and the card reads see you in hell, i feel like that wouldve twisted the knife even more; im not 100% familiar with the original deaths of martha + thomas but the whole senseless crime thing kind of echoes here, like all the other cards to the batman had a cypher or a clue or something but this is just senseless hatred that has no obvious lead for bruce to chase up 

he mindmaps, i just like that its fun its fresh hes just like me fr 

the way bruce and the riddler are tied together, like in the small things with the diaries but also theyre obviously both orphans and they can understand eachother, they were both born out of tragedy and that was the renewal fund and thomas + marthas deaths, where bruce was left without a mother or father alone in the world (ignoring alfred, as bruce did) the riddler was left without hope, they both use fear, though the batman uses it as a deterrant whereas the riddler uses it as inspiration and almost thrives off it 

the way bruce misses the tucker, the carpet tool, showing that even if he fights for the city, even if he walks its streets, he is still a billionaire in a bat suit and there will be experiences and little things that he does not know and that shape his personality and the way he solves crimes 

the way the batman begins with the whole i am vengeance thing but comes to realise that he needs to be a symbol of hope, someone for people to fall back on as he ends in the movie, the realisation as he hears his words come from someone wanting to cause only pain and immediatly sacrificing himself by cutting the electric thingy and falling into the water just seconds later 

[fnafpro52]

I dunno man, this is my first fucking post so lemme do some self-advertisement for the book I've sold my soul for.

Prologue - Carlo's Logs:

Log 1

Title: Potential Subjects

I heard a story about an old mansion that fell to tragedy in the late 1900’s, in Newfoundland, but it was never properly discovered what had caused the family’s death. When the authorities went to investigate, they went missing too. Eventually, the investigation was abandoned. However, it’s been so long that whatever was there must be gone. Plus, the remains of the corpses may prove vital in my research to save my wife.

End communication.

Log 2

Title: A New Discovery

I boarded the plane to Newfoundland, Canada and tracked down the mansion. Cautiously, I made my way inside. Nothing was there except for a few skeletons. Four small skeletons. They must’ve been children. I scoured the house for possible adult skeletons, but with no luck. Left with no other option, I carefully gathered the small skeletons, placed them into an empty box I had found, and hired a shady crew to sail me back to my lab in Italy.

End communication.

Log 3

Title: Back To Life

Experimentation was a success. All four subjects were successfully reanimated as human children with special chemical enhancements. Subjects from now on are called: S-1T, S-2R, S-3S, and S-4W. All possess power over a specific element. S-1T has control over time, S-2R has control over reality, S-3S has control over space, and I’m not yet certain what powers S-4W possesses. They just seem to see things that aren’t there. Whether this is caused by experimentation or some other disease, such as schizophrenia, I have yet to uncover. So far, they seem to be great candidates for the cure, but I need to conduct more tests.

End communication.

Log 4

Title: Experimentation

Each subject was exposed to one experiment individually. The experiment consisted of being placed in a round room with a table with a target on it. All subjects seem to be able to harness their power as energy blasts. Subjects were instructed to shoot an energy blast at the target. The state of the target was then analyzed.

S-1T, Time: Upon the energy blast making contact with the target, it was immediately blown to pieces. Subject seemed impressed at the power that it wielded, and decided to test more. Incapacitating agents had to be applied to the room, before I could move onto the next test.

S-2R, Reality: Similar results to S-1T, although the target did seem to break into larger pieces then when S-1T shot it. Subject stared at its hands for a few minutes, but strangely didn’t try to use the power again. Putting it back in its cell was easy.

S-3S, Space: When the energy blast made contact with the target, target was launched across the room. Note that the room is roughly 30 feet across. Subject seemed to cower from their own power. Re-capture was easy.

S-4W, Unknown: The energy blast caused the target to wobble a bit. After another one was launched from instructions given by me, the target fell off the table. This seemed to drain the subject, as they proceeded to vomit before passing out. Limitations for each subject will have to be studied.

Overall, the experiment proved to be a success, as I can now say which subjects will have to be experimented on with more restrictions.

End communication.

Log 5

Title: Subject Behavior

After a day of experimentation, I decided to monitor their actions outside of testing. Subjects 2 through 4 exhibited child-like behavior, although something was odd about S-1T. They stood further away from the other experiments. Its eyes darted around the room several times, even looking into the camera I was monitoring them through a few times. Otherwise, behavior was similar to other subject behavior, although I will be carefully monitoring S-1T’s progress from now on.

End communication.

Log 6

Title: Final Log

Those little fottuti bastardi! S-1T was planning to escape the whole time! I was releasing them from their cell, in order to start experimentation, when S-1T made a run for it. This wasn’t uncommon, as S-1T did this a few times. I reached for my taser, but the other experiments jumped me. They knocked the taser out of my hand, and managed to launch me into my chemical room, where my hand was caught in one of the vats full of chemicals, trapping me. They soon found the keycard to exit and I was powerless to stop them. Then who comes out to try to stop them? She comes out of the room, completely unhooked from her machines. She grabbed the taser I had lost, and turned the intensity up to the max. I yelled at her to return to her chamber for her own survival, but she ignored me. She walked out the front door, and I didn’t see her again. But I did hear the firing of taser shots, before the sound of one of the experiments firing their energy blast, presumably S-1T. Then, the entire building was engulfed in an explosion, obliterating my entire house and the lab underneath it. I woke up days later in the hospital, having survived the explosion by some miracle. However, I was left with extreme injuries, and my right hand has been replaced due to prolonged exposure to the chemicals, creating some form of crystalized claw. The hospital unsuccessfully tried to remove it. After I got out, I started recording this log. I swear, if there’s any God out there, you can bet his holy robes that I’m going to find the subjects, and kill them all, one by one. And I will make it painful.

End communication.

-

Just to tell you, the entire book is not like this for the entire book, just the prologue. Also, this character is named Dr. Carlos Morto for anyone wondering. He's an Italian scientist to put it bluntly.

[aetherin21]

The answer is parallel.

Pairing: Getou Suguru x reader

genre: angst.

Part 1, Part 3

Notes: How can you turn an intersecting line to a parallel one? by erasing it completely like it never happened :D This is part 2 of my previous fic but it can be read as a stand alone. I think I did better than the first? I might come back to the last one for some small fixes here and there.

A year had passed since that incident occurred. Suguru was too lost in his world. Drowning in his ego and dilemma. Forced to return to normality with sets of homeworks, tests and missions as if nothing had happened. It made him stressed as they all neatly lined up to grab his attention in wherever direction he went, forgetting something important in the process. He could always go back to it once everything settles. Right now, for him, the present was more crucial.

Staring back at him was his failed assignment in algebra. Angry red dragged across every crevice of the paper, dictating all the right and wrong answers to him. Crosses out weighed the circles. He couldn’t help but fume on all his mistakes. He knows he answered everything perfectly. Math is his best subject, well was. Maybe the question itself was wrong? Especially the last one. All the numbers in his calculations lead him to believe they would intersect. How could he be wrong?

“Fuck this.” He said. There were still other things for him to do than to mull over something so small. He’ll do better with the next one, he has to. He’s Getou Suguru, the model student after all.

Without realizing time had flown all too quickly like a strong tidal wave. It had crashed onto him, sweeping his being along the shores repeatedly. His best friend was leaving him behind as Satoru grows stronger. Shoko had become MIA doing her roundabout ways, ignoring everything and everyone. One of his lowerclassmen had died too, only leaving half of his remains and a friend empty. As Suguru tried to crawl away from the currents, it had left him too drench in black and blue.

The imaginary chalkboard of his psyche had crumbled. Tragedy had forced its hand and added itself in his equations. Defying the equalibrium, tipping the zero scale further to the negatives. Unable to keep track what's on his mind anymore, what's universally right and wrong. Now he just stands there in the middle of the room surrounded by two corpses, in a place he once called home.

He had killed his parents. The people who he once loved and cherished. His mother who made his favorite food, who cleaned up his childish wounds and greeted him every morning of his life. She's gone and so was his father. The person who he looked up to, who proudly announced the world his only begotten son. They were all gone and all that was left were red.

That’s okay, he thought to himself. They were wrong answers anyway just like that washed up village too.

Bzzz.

Bzzz.

The sound of his phone suddenly reminded him of the thing he forgot all summer long. With a single swipe of his fingers, his eyes were greeted by a familiar name. A familiar picture.

It was her.

How dare he forget? The person who had become his pillar, his anchor and his bound eternity. Tons of messages had piled one after another in his inbox. Letters of hellos and good mornings to how are yous and goodnights. Reading every word felt too bright, too selfish. He could only squint. He hasn’t replied for months now, let alone read a single one and yet she still continued to send them.

Y/n: I miss you. I hope you're okay. One of them read. Suguru couldn’t help the annoyance swell inside of him. How was he okay? Everything had gone to shit. A few weeks ago? Months ago, he couldn't even remember extactly but he knew he almost died. Even now just a couple of days before, two innocent kids were abused and mistreated. And yet —

Inhale

Exhale

How would she know? She was probably too focused on her own little bubble to even see what’s wrong with the world. Living so freely in a rose colored world. Probably waiting for the next episode of her favorite show or gossiping on the latest news. She wouldn’t understand the dangers he faces everyday, how his kind sacrifices their life just for them to be safe. She was clueless.

He hates this.

He hates her.

He has to.

Looking at the screen with utter nonchalance, he finally replied. It's time for their mathematical lines to finally diverge from each other. No, to erase it like it never happened. In the first place they were never meant to intersect, never meant to reach and traverse each other. She was, after all, just a monkey. He can’t make exceptions, not even one. This is for the future he dreamed of.

With one last click, he asked her to meet him.

Time seemed to flow slowly as he sat on the empty park bench waiting for her. She was late for their rendezvous. It’s fine, he doesn’t really mind if she doesn’t show up. It’s rude but it's better that way. At least she was far away from him to taint his being, he thought. Far away and safe from him.

The unconscious prayer seemed to be ignored as the sound of running footsteps brought him back from hell. His vision was greeted by a disheveled figure. Y/n’s hair was strewn all over her face and skin drenched in sweat. All she wore was the sweater he left behind, her red school track pants and house slippers. A mess she was but still looked pretty in his eyes.

Y/n was Suguru’s little rebel. She would always trust whatever stupid teenage idea pops out of his mind. Played along with his little whims. Even now, sneaking out from her strict parents' gaze to have a midnight escapade with her boyfriend. She was too good for him. Rubbing his neck, Suguru couldn’t help but bitterly smile at that thought.

"Suguru, did I make you wait?" Hands on her knees, catching all the air she can with those puffy lips he loved the most. She wasn't really sporty to begin with but she was determined either way and other ways. "Sorry, I had to wait till everyone’s asleep."

“It's fine.” he responded coldly. Mustering up every fiber of his being to put on a façade. He reminded himself she’s a monkey.

Silence embraced them both as they drank in the reflection of each other. It's been months after all. Both of them were too busy with their own lives. Suguru with the jujutsu world and y/n with her own normal life. Neither of them knew what's in each other's brewing pot but they wished they did.

Y/n could only search his eyes for answers, for words to say. She missed him so much, too much. She wanted to ask how he is. Has he been eating well? He looked a bit skinnier than the last time she saw him. Is his school overworking him too much? Is Satoru being an ass to him? Her mouth could only open and close as the questions were jammed in her throat, unable to vocalize all her convoluted feelings. unable to seek the truth. So instead of words, she closed their distance with her lips. Enveloping him in her warmth.

She really missed him. She could crumble anytime with his presence alone. With his touch alone. Never even wanting to let go, holding on tightly as she can. There she waits for his answer.

But Suguru couldn't embrace her back, couldn’t kiss her back.

Even if his hands were aching to, even if they were dying to scoop her up and just eat her there all together. He can't. He already convinced himself so. Instead he broke her to tiny pieces pushing her to her abyss. Pushing himself to his abyss. "Sorry y/n, I don't think this is gonna work out." Eyes looking beyond her existence for there was a better calling for him than her religion. There's no need for prayers anymore.

It hurt.

But it's okay. Everything has an end after all, its just this one has to be erased completely.

Y/n already anticipated this but it still hurt nonetheless. Years they spent together now being thrown aside. Was it all for nothing? Was it because she was powerless and weak? Not a part of his world? Tears flowed her cheeks, unable to hold it in anymore. “I heard from Satoru…”her hands were holding the ends of his sweater she was wearing, finding comfort from its scent as her lips trembled.

“... I love you and it's okay.” was all she could say as much as she wished there to be more.

She had known all this time. She wasn’t clueless as he thought she was. She knew what he had done and what he had become. How he felt so broken, alone and in pain. How this world was too cruel to him. To them.

She knows what he’s about to do too. His friends had informed her, warned her even but she didn't care. All she wanted was for them to continue to intersect once more, it's all that mattered to her but she couldn’t lie that a small part of her hoped it was all made up. That her Suguru isn’t capable of ever doing those atrocities but just from his demeanor alone told her otherwise.

He noticed her fear, her rejection of the truth, of reality. It wasn't only her voice that was shaking, her body too. Holding herself together as much as she can. Seeing it right in front of him made him want to puke. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. It was supposed to be quick and easy like he did to his parents yet it became too emotional.

"I am sorry." That’s all he could say as her tiny sobs increased its volume.

The agonizing sound ripped through his already resolute determination. Surprising him as his body began to betray him. The feeling of her small form against his. He wanted to be disgusted by this sudden sweet vulgarity but a part of him couldn’t. Pressing her further, deeper, swallowing all her tears and cries. this was all for him and only for him. Locking it forever inside him, this would be a fleeting memory that solely he would remember. “So sorry.” he mumbled over and over again as he dug his grave in her hair. Saying goodbye to the Suguru she knew, He was.

With every repeated apologies it had crossed off all his broken promises, marking it red and never to be fulfilled.

In their last hour of their forged numbers, forged convergence and forged eternity. They were in each other’s arms as lips danced for the last time. Whispering their I love yous over and over again till the other couldn’t speak anymore.

At that moment, Getou Suguru remembered the last question of his homework. The answers were never supposed to be intersecting. With clear bright markings correcting his mistakes, the answer was parallel.

They were parallel.

[westmoor]

and above the lilies weep (1/2)

The note was nearly as vague as it was worn where Geralt pulled it from its place on a fence pole by the roadside. 

He had ignored the first few he’d passed, assumed by their weathered condition that they’d simply been left out, forgotten by whoever put them up so far from busier routes.

It had been years since he last passed through this area, if he ever had. Sparse population meant fewer people for monsters to interfere with - and likewise - and it’s location too far from cities or trade routes and lacking resources for industry or agriculture made for low fees.

Regardless, he was here, and heading their way anyway. It wouldn’t do much harm to collect the information, he told himself, even if he didn’t decide to take their coin.

—

Normally arriving in town held a certain routine: Find a place to stay the night and secure the contract, in whichever order. The latter meant seeking out the alderman, or the sheriff, sometimes the mayor, but it soon became clear he would find neither.

Calling it a village would be generous, it was barely a hamlet, an assembly of houses clustered near the riverbank and a small mill. Around them a scattered few farms and sheepsheds made the most of grass-grown hills too poor for proper crops, and beyond their rickety fences and hewn stone walls, lay miles upon miles of cold and desolate moor.

Its inhabitants seemed much the same, from what Geralt saw of them, rugged in a way that people only got after generations spent weathering sour winds and perpetual damp from the wasteland they bordered.

Inquiring about the contract didn’t lead to a mayor or alderman, but into the miller’s kitchen, where a middle-aged man with broad hands and a brow creased even beyond his years set a cup of ale in front of him. 

The room’s interior was for simple tastes but well kept, Geralt found himself noting as he leaned back on the bench, listening to the miller recounting the details.If he still held doubts before coming here, they weren’t eased.

“You mean to tell me, after seventy years, no one knows what this thing is?”

“No one returns to describe it!” The man across the table defended, arms outstretched in exasperation. “Though not for lack of trying, a whole party went out once. Five or six men, only two came back the next morning. Half frozen and mad with fear, both of them. I was just a lad then, but you don’t forget such things.”

“And they didn’t just get lost -” Like people do, Geralt finished to himself, all the time.

“They left tracks.” The miller interrupted, and Geralt stilled. “Boot prints. Not stumbling over themselves, kept a straight line. Right from the cabin and to that damned place.” Sensing the change in demeanour, he pushed on. “The cottage is still serviceable, we’ll provide food and supplies and anything else you may need. If it’s nothing as you say, you’ll have a night of peace and quiet, and if not…” He paused for a breath. “Please, sir.”

The witcher sighed. “Anything else I should know?” 

And for the first time in their conversation, the miller hesitated, gaze skittering to the window and the hills and beyond, before responding in a hushed tone:

“Some nights, when the wind is right, there is music from the moor.”

---

By morning a fog had settled snug about town at the edge of the moor, so thick only the clamor of sheep bells on the hills confirmed the existence of a world beyond its shroud. The air seemed heavy with it, each inhale as damp as the exhale, and Geralt felt a hurry to get moving lest his lungs grow mildew. It would clear soon, the miller’s wife had assured him. They expected rain.

As the hours dragged toward noon only cloudy fragments remained, clinging to rises and hillocks in the distance, leaving the barren vastness clear in view. Its span appeared endless even to a Witcher’s senses, signs of habitation having faded and disappeared behind him as he passed from groomed farmland, through the craggy heath, and onto the great moor proper.

Without the plodding and braying of livestock it seemed deceptively void of life, save for the company of a lone golden plover flitting between diminutive birches that had taken root wherever the turf lay deep enough, rising and writhing from the ground in ever which direction as though growth itself was an agony.

Geralt had left Roach at a farmstead on the outer edge of the village, reassured by roughened but gentle hands on the bridle and a shared pasture with a stocky draught pony. The path he’d been instructed to stay on, while even enough and mostly dry, wasn’t designed for horses and would’ve been arduous had he insisted on bringing her, too narrow and winding, in places only differentiated from the numerous sheep tracks crossing it by foot-tall cairns stacked evenly upon mounds and larger rocks. The importance of staying true to it had been made clear and now he could also guess why, flanked on both sides by occasional ponds and wide mats of moss and cottongrass, an alluring imitation of solid ground.

As it was, on two feet and carrying little but his most basic equipment and what provisions the villagers had supplied him with, the trek was a peaceful one - a slight breeze stirred the blooming heather, its sharp scent mixed with the musk of bared acidic soil. It was pleasant, but for the dulcet undertones of water and decay, the sweetness of rot wafting up from the bogs surrounding him now on all sides, a steadfast reminder of the task at hand.

People getting lost on the moor were, as Geralt had reminded his employers, not typically within the realm of a Witcher’s job description. 

Neither, to be frank, were hunts for notoriously underdescribed and possibly imaginary bog demons in exchange for a cold cut and next to no money. They didn’t concern themselves with campfire stories and cautionary tales. 

Which was why he could almost hear Vesemir scoffing from across the northern half of the continent when the small shepherd’s cottage came into view in the distance, as drab and grey as its environment.

But he was here, there was no denying it, and similarly undeniable was the steadily mounting tugging at his core toward the small single-storey turf-roofed heap of rocks that stood as a centre stage in this bizarre tale he’d stumbled into.

Proper theories or identification of the creature remained absent, but the story of its progression was detailed in contrastn Nearly seventy years earlier to the day, it went - a great storm had blown in that night wreaking enough destruction to be memorable in its own right, they’d had to rebuild most of the mill - some dandy had taken the wrong turn at a crossing up the road. 

Galloping into the village in a terrible hurry to reach an event in a southern court and with the storm at his heels the stranger (a troubadour or some sort of nobleman according to their remaining witness, though she’d been only a girl at the time) inquired about a way across the moor and the inhabitants haltingly relented, but gave ample warning: The path was treacherous even for seasoned shepherds, they’d said, and taking it in such a storm as was brewing it was surely suicide. 

Too stubborn or desperate to heed reason, however, the traveller stole off while farmers secured their livestock and set upon the moor, his absence only noted when the rest of them had settled in against the weather and counted heads. At the first lull in the wind the blacksmith’s two oldest sons volunteered to go searching for the man and headed out, against the pleas of their parents, in the hopes of rescuing the poor strangers whose fate was now hanging by a thread. It was the last either of them were seen alive. 

A search party was sent out as soon as the worst of the storm had settled, the blacksmith and his wife themselves half mad with fear for their children, but to no avail. 

Tracks of the three lead safely to the stone cottage beyond the heath and evidence suggested someone had rested there. But then, to their confusion, the tracks lead back out. Not in the direction of the sturdy trail back, or the riskier one onwards, but west - through marshland and knee deep in peat moss until they sunk into the bog.

They had thought it an accident at first, just a terrible tragedy, but soon enough a pattern emerged: Every now and then, when the moon waned and weather turned sour, people would go missing on the moor, leaving behind no clues of their fate but a sunken trail into the frigid waters of the mire. 

Others would speak of footsteps and knocking, of ghostly lights and roving shadows and sometimes, in the quiet dark, a sweet voice calling out, singing in the night.

Soon enough no shepherd would sleep on the moor, and it seemed the harder they tried to rid themselves of their monster or curse, the more people were lost to the bottomless depths.

[alia-turin]

Finally chapter 6! This is actually the only fic I will continue updating on this blog, everything else will go to my writing blog and once that is finished, everything goes there.

I’m sorry for the slow update, yesterday and the day before were a bit buy and stressful so I didn’t have a chance to update.

Fic Title: Somewhere in Time (Chapter 6) Previous Chapters: Somewhere in Time - Caranthir/F!OC - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Fandom: The Witcher (Aen Elle) Pairing: Caranthir/F/OC Warning: Canon typical violence for this chapter, mention of scars, angst AO3 Link

It had been a few days since he came to the Winter tower after the reception. He spent his time reading and experimenting. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, the few moments when he had been close to her and with her, the way her eyes had looked at him...he wanted to forget, but the more he tried to do it the worse it became.

He felt as if he was becoming obsessive and probably he was. Last time he came here she had been in Tir na Lia behind a door he had enchanted so she could not leave. He had missed her, but he knew exactly where she was. Now it was different. She could be anywhere, with anybody. He still could use the tracking spell but he had also told himself that he was the one to let her go, he would not chase her unless she was in need of him.

Somewhere deep he knew that his behavior was probably wrong, putting spells and curses on her so he knew what was going on, but what choice did he have? The first woman he ever liked died because he didn’t pay enough attention, his only example of true love in his life was a story everyone probably knew, ending in a great tragedy. He neither wanted to see her death nor was going to allow his heart to be shattered, not the way Avallac’h’s had been.

He had gone as far as to dig information on her family which wasn’t that difficult, noble families record keeping was exceptional. Mother was never mentioned, even Aine’s name was not mentioned anywhere officially which made sense, half human bastards were not really a popular topic. Her father had only one legal child, a son, not surprising either, elves rarely had more. The man had a lot of resources, which explained a lot. That was when he had stopped looking, realizing how ridiculous and obsessive his actions had been. He knew a lot about her, some of it not even disclosed by her, and he had volunteered little to nothing about himself.

Caranthir suddenly stopped in the middle of the room feeling the unpleasant sensation going through his body, he had felt that once before, he was younger and he cast a spell he was not ready for, every inch of his body had cramped at the same time. Then feeling the sharp pain in his right leg as if something was ripping him apart, skin muscle and probably even bone hurt in a way he had never felt before. He had to steady himself by grabbing a chair because the pain was so bad he could barely stand on his leg. Took him a second to pull himself together, nothing was wrong with his leg, that was the curse he put on himself in order to feel what she was feeling, but the pain was so bad he felt dizzy. He had to remind himself it wasn’t his leg that was hurting it was all in his mind.  

“Aine…” he whispered as he finally managed to get his thoughts together, he had been injured many times, but that was a level he had never felt, worse if he was feeling it that bad, it meant it felt the same for her. Caranthir opened a portal and it took him just a second to find himself where she was, in the woods where he had first seen her. She was on the ground, her back pressed against a tree, her right leg bleeding and two ugly creatures coming close to her, both of them standing on their hind legs, beastly claws sticking out of their limbs, Caranthir saw a third one lying on the ground, vines pulling him deeper and the earth, she must have cast a spell, that was the first jolt he had felt, spell too powerful for her at her current level. He waved his hand and the two creatures turned into ice sculptures, he cast another spell and they broke into dust.

“Caranthir…” she looked at him in fear and shock, her leg bleeding badly and just now he noticed her arm was also injured, strange he had not felt that probably because of the shock going through her body. Her eyes were glassy, not really focused on anything. He cast a healing spell, those were never his strongest point, but it was enough for now to stop the bleeding and he was going to take care of the rest later.

“Don’t move.” his heart sank seeing how bad the wound was. Skin and flesh had been torn but he could not see the bone, which was probably positive. He wasn’t going to waste time, he took her in his arms and opened a portal.

“I don’t want to...leave me…” she tried to push herself away from him but there was no strength in her body.

He stepped through the portal and found himself in his bedroom in the Winter Tower. He left her gentle on his bed, her face wincing in pain as soon as he let go of her. He tore the pants she was wearing around the wound. Silly girl, she should have listened to him when he told her not to leave. For a second he wondered if that was his fault - did he push  her too far and she left because of him, and if he had acted in a different way, she wouldn’t have left and that wouldn’t have happened...

“No, stop.” Somehow she found strength to try to push him away, but even if she was not injured she was not as strong as he was. Caranthir placed his palm on her leg and cast his spell again, the wound slowly closing not even leaving a scar. Aine’s eyes however still lacked focus, she had lost too much blood and he couldn’t do anything about that. .

“Get off me.” she moaned in his bed. Caranthir raised an eyebrow as he had stepped away, he wasn’t anywhere near her, he needed to go to his lab for some herbs that could help her. She was delirious, he went back to the bed and touched her forehead burning with fever. The creatures that attacked her were unfamiliar to him, and he wondered if their claws were poisonous. A chilling thought crossed his mind.  That couldn’t be happening to him not again. This time he did everything right. He prepared he knew he would be there if she was in danger and he was but he had been moments too late.

He rushed out of the room, running down the stairs to his lab and frantically started going through all his herbs and potions. Healing wasn’t a matter that interested him, he had very few things that could help, but he grabbed everything he could. When he walked back to his bedroom she was attempting to get off the bed, almost sitting.

“I don’t want to be here…” the words were swirling her mouth. Caranthir ignored how he felt about her being so persistent to be as far as possible from him.

“You need to drink that.” he passed one of the potions he was carrying to her pale lips, she turned her head away. He could make her, he could force it down her throat, but somehow he felt like he had already done enough damage to his image, even if he was also sure that once she woke up, she would not remember anything of what is happening here. She pulled away again almost as if she was drunk, no grace in her moves and he used a spell to turn her head toward him and pour the liquid down her throat.

Caranthir walked to the nearest drawer and took out a clean blanket as everything on the bed was soaked in blood. He covered her with the blank and then just sat on the bed next to her. If she had listened to him, that wouldn’t have happened. No, if he had insisted. That’s what the problem was, he could have kept her safe if she had stayed with him and when she said no he should have just made her do so. What did it matter if she wanted or didn’t want as long as she was safe? He sighed, it did matter.  He ran his fingers through the feverish skin on her cheek. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake a third time.

Aine woke up, not really recognizing the place where she was. Memories slowly started coming to her, she somehow had managed to reach her house which did not exist anymore. All that time she had hoped he had been lying, that was just a manipulation, but it was not. He had been truthful. Then the creatures attacked her and then... he had come to rescue her. She looked around in panic again fearing she was in Tir na Lia. The room was very similar, stone walls, bed, dresser, but somewhat smaller. She jumped out of the bed in panic, but her leg was cut by sharp pain. She looked at it, she remembered the creatures attacking her in the forest, she summoned a spell to stop one of them but the other one dug its nails in her leg. There was no injury however just an odd feeling of dull passing pain.

She walked to the dresser, her leg feeling better with each step she made as if remembering how to walk. She opened the old wooden doors - white shirts and dark coats were hanging from the line. Some of the coats had different embroideries on them but the black, white and grey was predominant. She grabbed one of the shirts, it was large enough to fit her as a very short dress and it was cleaner than everything else she was wearing now. Once she changed she looked through the window - that was definitely not Tir na Lia. There were mountains as far as her eyes could see covered in snow and ice. The sun was shining but none of that seemed warm in any way. Where was she?

Aine walked to the door, half expecting not to be able to open it. She had been through that once. She pressed on the handle and...the door opened. She stood for a moment wondering if that was a dream - was she imagining things? She stepped through the door in a small hallway that was empty beside a stairway leading down. She stepped further but beside the coldness of the stone under her feet, nothing else happened. She followed the stairs down, they were twisting until she ended in another room, no hallway this time just a room filled with bookshelves, cupboards and two tables. That was when she screamed.

Caranthir heard the scream upstairs and ran as fast as he could only to see Aine in his lab staring at the creature chained to one of the tables.

“It is dead.” Caranthir placed a hand on her shoulder and she looked at him terrified, but didn’t pull away. Apparently seeing the creature that attacked her all opened up was more shocking than he was which he guessed was some sort of progress.

“What…” she looked back at the creature, chained to the table, gut wide open, blood spilled all over the place.

“Ignore it.” just now he noticed she was wearing one of his shirts, so long on her that it was almost reaching her knees. Caranthir stared, not sure what was making him more aroused right now the fact that this was his short or realizing she had nothing under it.

“What happened to it?” her words brought him back to the creature and that was not what he wanted to think about now. “Why is it chained?”

It was chained because he dragged it here after he finally managed to calm her down. That was the one creature she stopped with magic and he went to look for it. He brought it here, chained it to the table, still alive, and opened it. It did die eventually, but he was angry and he needed to make that ugly thing suffer as much as she had suffered even worse.

“Their organs are good for magic but they are very tough to cut through so I had to make sure it doesn’t fall from the table.” The lie came easy to him, he was not going to admit that he didn’t have an idea where that thing came from, nor was going to tell her he made it painful for the ugly creature on purpose, because that was how he kew to solve his problems, the only way Eredin had taught him, make them suffer and everything will be alright. He did learn something however, whatever these creatures were, certainly did not come from this world which was curious. She was still looking at it, her eyes shifting to the massive head filled with sharp fangs. Caranthir could feel himself getting angry again, the same anger he had felt once he made sure she was safe and wanted to find every single one of these things and just destroy their kind. He had to satisfy himself with one. “Come I need to look at your leg.” he pointed at the empty table on the other end of the room.

“I’m fine.” Aine could feel herself blushing realizing that most likely he had healed her, she barely remembered things after she found the creatures, she remembered casting a spell, in fact she wasn’t even sure if it worked as that was when the other two attacked her before she could even realize what had happened.

Caranthir did not answer her but nodded at the table again and she had no choice to but comply. It was easier to do as he said. She jumped on the table and he stood in front of her, his warm hand almost gently moving the shirt away. She realized she was blushing, she had nothing under the shirt and even if his touch right now was almost medical her stomach curled in a ball thinking of the situation they were in. She pinned her eyes on his hand not wanting to look at him, his tattooed fingers gently brushing where the wound was supposed to be on her thigh but now was gone.

He stepped back realizing how dangerous it was what he was doing. He knew her wound would be healed, he healed it, he was terrible with medicinal magic and he was still better than everyone he knew, of course her leg would be fine.

“My office is downstairs, I bought some clothes for you from Tir na Lia.” there he was again feeling completely inept and unsure what to do or how. He wanted to scream from the top of his lungs that he liked her, that he felt her presence filled a gap in him he wasn’t even sure existed until two weeks ago. The way she reminded him of himself, but also the way she was different from him. He clutched his fists in frustration at his inability to just be normal, it had never bothered him as much as it did around her.

“Caranthir…” she was standing by the staircase, one foot already on the lower step as she turned toward him. “Thank you. For saving me.”

She walked down and he stared, mouth slightly opened, fingers no longer bundled in fists. When was the last time someone said ‘Thank you’ to him? Not Avallac’h, maybe a nod from him when he was younger or pat on the shoulder, never the actual words. Not Eredin either, everything Caranthir did for his king was his duty, they  both knew it and understood it, the navigator did not need to be thanked for what was his job, not Eredin was ever going to thank him for it. He didn’t need anyone’s gratitude and yet...it felt nice. Coming from her, knowing she actually found something nice to say to him.

Aine found the clothes easily, the room downstairs was a study, a large desk in the center and bookshelves circling the wall. She had figured out that wherever they were was a tower and every floor was some sort of a room. She changed as quickly as she could, the clothes that were nicely folded on the desk were the same his servants had brought to her when she was in Tir na Lia, cleaned...she assumed that was hers now or at least until someone decided so. Defgently the riding pants and boots were more suitable for the coldness compared to the oversized shirt.

Once she was done changing she walked to the only window in the room, it had started snowing again, she had never seen so much snow in her life. Her father’s lands were further south and any snow that fell melted almost immediately. She heard Caranthir’s boots tapping on the cold stone as he walked downstairs.

“Where are we?” she asked as she turned to face him.

“The Winter Tower.” he answered, his blue eyes fixed on her. “It used to be a signalling tower for Tir na Lia, many years ago. It’s difficult to access so our ancestors would have made four - five guardsmen living here for a full year. The snows make it almost impossible to reach. Nobody has used it for that purpose in years, I have made it my...laboratory in a sense.”

She looked out again, she could see the lower lands somewhere in the distance, but the snow was reducing the visibility.

“Am I your prisoner again?” she asked not even sure she wanted to hear the answer. If he was to say no and that she can leave...where was she to go? Her home was destroyed and who knew how many of these creatures were there now. She had nowhere to go.

“No.” took him a moment to answer and she might be imagining that but she could see the conflict in his eyes. Did he want to say ‘yes’? What would be the purpose of that? “But I want you to stay as my student. You can leave whenever.”

Caranthir spoke the last words with pain as he knew what had happened last time he allowed her to leave. Despite that, Avallac’h was right, as always. Caging her was not going to bring anything good eventually would kill her.

“How did you find me?” she suddenly asked, that was not what he expected. “In the forest, how did you know I was in danger?”

He forced a smile on his lips that was mostly teeth rather than a grin. Another good intention that he had which was going to backfire on him.

“Put a curse on myself, if you were to feel pain, I would feel it the same way you do.” that and a tracking spell, but he kept that information to himself. It sounded bad as it was, but again he had no idea what else to do. He had never had such a strong desire to protect someone in his life.

Silence followed and he could feel the seconds dragging forever. He would give anything to know what was in her head. It would be so easy wouldn’t it? Everything he had done so far was because he was attracted, but he had to admit he had no idea how to express it or show it. Avallac’h taught him magic, Eredin taught him to kill. That was all he knew, neither skill useful in his predicament.

“If...I stay…” her words made him raise an eyebrow. “I still can leave whenever I decide. Even if I wake up tomorrow and change my mind?”

“Yes.” he nodded. He hoped that won’t happen, he was going to show her the fun part of magic tomorrow, not just moving objects around the room, but the real excitement and power magic could give someone and hopefully after that she would be sufficiently hooked to stay with him a bit longer. All he needed. Just a bit longer.

[robininthelabyrinth]

If it's not a plot point, how did HuiSang go back in time? MingJue used his saber as an anchor, but HuaiSang didn't have his yet?

part 3 of Same River Twice (ao3) (time travel Nie bros) or tumblr part 1, part 2

-

Being four years old again was a lot harder than Nie Huaisang thought it would be.

In fairness, he hadn’t expected to go back that far, but he supposed it wasn’t really up to him – if he’d wanted to have more control over his destination, he should have used the ritual on the saber that belonged to him. 

But Aituan - dear Aituan, good Aituan, his Aituan - wasn’t strong enough to support the ritual by itself, not after all those years of playing happy paperweight instead of cultivating. It was Nie Huaisang’s neglect; he had let Aituan’s spirit grow kind but not strong, because someone should be able to be that way, the way he’d once thought he himself could be under his brother’s protection. 

No, Nie Huaisang had known that if he wanted to do this crazy stupid thing, the only one that could help him was Baxia.

Bazia, who had grown strong beyond her years with the blood of evildoers, who had always indulged him, who adored Nie Mingjue more than was usual even for a saber of their bloodline –

He missed Aituan.

After the end of it all, when he no longer needed to hide his true face away behind a mask of incompetence, he had started to carry Aituan with him at all times, the way his brother had always wanted him to, and so that meant that his long-neglected saber had been by his side when he’d knelt before his brother’s tomb to begin the ritual. And when the forbidden array began to tear his body apart, Baxia indifferent to anything but the result, Nie Huaisang could feel his saber’s spirit reaching out and wrapping around his own spirit to protect him from the pain –

He’d thought that he might see Aituan again, when and if he woke up in the past, but it was not to be: right now, he’s only four. Aituan wouldn’t even have been forged yet, surely, or at most its still-unformed spirit would be lingering in a dormant not-yet-finished state in the special forges reserved for the clan, hidden deep within the Unclean Realm.

He missed Aituan. He hadn’t thought he would, given how casually he had always left it behind, but he did; he missed it dreadfully.

But it was still worth it to come back.

It had been worth it even just for the chance to try to come back. They had all been so broken, after everything that had happened. Nie Huaisang had had no choice but to avenge his brother, no choice but to use the only means available to him when no one would have believed him, his own hand too weak to lift the saber to do the job that needed to be done. He was a Nie, when all was said and done, and even the world itself was insufficient a sacrifice to lay before his brother’s memorial tablet.

He did not regret his choices.

And yet – the result, in the end, was too much, too bitter to swallow. Lan Xichen’s eventual death at his own hand, when the guilt became too much for him and seclusion proved no remedy, had destroyed Lan Wangji, and even light-hearted Wei Wuxian had not been able to continue to smile once he realized that the injuries incurred at Guanyin Temple, both physical and mental, had damaged Jiang Cheng permanently, a decline the other man had hidden away out of either love or spite or both until it was too late to fix; they would never reconcile in that life, and the tragedy of the two heroes of Yunmeng sealed forever in stone.

Out of an entire generation of the Great Sects, Nie Huaisang was the only one left standing, and he had been broken into sharp jagged pieces so long ago that he didn’t really count.

He did not regret his choices - but in a better world, those choices would never need to be made.

He would make sure it went better, this time. Not just for himself, but for all the others, and most of all for his brother, who had only ever wanted to be righteous, to fight evil and help the innocent, and who died because nobody had listened to him, just the way they hadn’t listened to Nie Huaisang in all those years of walking alone on his road of vengeance. His brother, who loved him when he hadn’t been worthy of his love; his brother, who deserved the world and more.

His brother, who he sometimes even thought –

There’d been a moment there, when he’d been watching his brother train, that he’d had the crazy idea that Nie Mingjue had come back, too – that the burden of the future was not Nie Huaisang’s alone to bear. 

It had been when his brother had done that maneuver, the one he’d liked so much during the Sunshot Campaign, and Nie Huaisang had been the only living being who had known that the reason he’d trained the trick so hard in his youth was not because it was hard to block or because it granted the mercy of a quick death but rather purely because it looked awesome. Nie Mingjue had thrown his saber and recalled it with a flick of his wrist, and he’d grinned as if he hadn’t a care in the world and –

And that’s when Nie Huaisang ruined it by bursting into tears.

Because he was four, and four year olds didn’t have good internal emotional regulation, apparently. He’d thought at first that it would be an advantage to be so young – who would suspect a child barely old enough to wear proper clothing of scheming in the shadows? – but being four had turned out to be much trickier to manage than he had thought.

All of his feelings were so much, so immediate; it was as if the emotions of an adult were simply too large to fit into his child’s frame. Sadness, however minor or fleeting, was enough to utterly consume him, making rational thought impossible; a single pang of hunger was the same as starvation; and even joy –

His brother abandoned his training for him in a heartbeat, found and gave him a fan to amuse him, carried him around all day in his arms even though it meant he’d had to report for punishment – he said that Nie Huaisang would never be a burden to him, that he could live the life he wanted, no matter what, and that in the end his brother would always be there to hold up the world for him –

No, his brother couldn’t have come back in time with him.

His suspicions (surely even a talent of Nie Mingjue’s caliber wouldn’t have learned a trick like that so early, and so well?) simply had no basis in reality, a remnant of the paranoia he had cultivated in his heart as a guard against Jin Guangyao’s treachery. It was only Nie Huaisang’s fantasies tricking him, letting him dream that he was hearing the words that he would have given his left arm to hear when it was too late.

After all, none of the things Nie Mingjue had said were by themselves unusual – even by age four, everyone knew that Nie Huaisang wouldn’t amount to much of a talent, born as he was with weak muscle tone and barely any cultivation at all; they knew he was lazy and unmotivated, and more than likely to turn out to be nothing more than a good-for-nothing. Only Nie Mingjue had remained steadfast in believing that Nie Huaisang could make something of himself, valuing him when he hadn’t even valued himself.

No, it wasn’t so strange that his brother would say such things to him. It was only with Nie Huaisang’s knowledge of the future that the words seemed to be more than mere encouragement, that they seemed to be aimed directly at absolving him of his future worthlessness, forgiving him for having been the anchor around his brother’s legs instead of a support –

His brother couldn’t have come back with him. He couldn’t have, because if he knew what Nie Huaisang had done in his name, all those dirty tricks in the dark that were just like what he’d so disdained in Jin Guangyao, then he wouldn’t have said those words full of love, wouldn’t have thought them, wouldn’t have –

Nie Mingjue must never know, Nie Huaisang swore once again in his heart. He’d be careful, hide his tracks, make sure that his moves in the shadow couldn’t be detected by anyone at all; his brother that longed to be righteous would never need to know that his little didi that he treasured so much wasn’t worthy of his love.

He’d fix things, make them better, and Nie Mingjue would never know that things had ever gone any other way. Nie Huaisang would bear the burden alone, just as he had those many years, but this time he would have his brother by his side.

It would be worth it.  

Still, being four was hard. Nie Huaisang had started making moves right away, but his ability to manipulate people seemed to be significantly impaired – or maybe it was only that he’d underestimated the effect of his changes, that he’d acted before he’d fully figured out everyone’s personalities, and so ended up changing things more than he meant to.

For one thing, he’d never meant for Nie Mingjue to be the one to go to Yingchuan.

Nie Huaisang had used Wei Wuxian for his own purposes in his previous life, and he wouldn’t have been able to avenge his brother without him – he owed him karma, and such debts ought to be repaid as swiftly as possible. He’d figured that sending some Nie sect retainers to the area would be a good way to do that; even if they couldn’t save his parents, they should at least notice that there was a little boy in town waiting for his parents to come back from a night-hunt. At best, Nie Huaisang had figured on Wei Wuxian having a few extra years at the Lotus Pier, and maybe avoid developing that dog phobia of his.

He hadn’t expected Nie Mingjue to volunteer to go, though he supposed his brother was twelve, and therefore reckless and a little bit stupid in a way that Nie Huaisang probably shouldn’t find as adorable as he did, being only four himself. He definitely wasn’t expecting his brother to come back and tell him that he’d not only managed to save Wei Wuxian’s parents but that they were coming to Qinghe for some reason.

That was his brother in a nutshell, though. Typical overachiever.

Nie Huaisang wasn’t sure exactly how this would change things. He hadn’t intended on making such large changes, as it would swiftly render his knowledge of the future useless, but on the other hand, the future had turned out quite so badly, and after all in the end he knew the important things. He knew who was a good person and who wasn’t, he knew about the war that would come, he knew what tricks to be afraid of – no, it was better this way.

This way, he wouldn’t be tempted to blindly rely on a future that might change; this way, he wouldn’t risk the same future happening again, wouldn’t allow tragedies to take place when they didn’t have to. Instead, he’d do what he’d always done and react to things as they happened, turning each event to his own advantage.

Even if he wasn’t quite sure what possible advantage he could get from Wei Wuxian as a young child.

“Is it nice there?”

Nie Huaisang refocused and looked at his brother, who’d apparently finished his training for the day. It was so strange to see him with cheeks still rounded by lingering baby fat and Baxia disproportionate in her size; if he hadn’t later grown into a giant, he would have been seen as having been a bit too ambitious when he wielded her. “What was that, da-ge?”

“I asked you if it’s nice there,” Nie Mingjue repeated as he settled down next to Nie Huaisang in the shady part of the training field. “Wherever it is that your mind flew off to. It must be very interesting to keep you occupied for so long.”

Nie Huaisang ignored the teasing and immediately wiggled over, putting his head in his brother’s lap. His brother indulged him, moving Baxia to his other knee as he inspected her for any nicks that might need to be sharpened out later.

His brother always indulged him.

“I was just daydreaming,” he said, and it was even mostly true. The line between daydreaming and active scheming was a very fine one.

“Still thinking about maps?” his brother asked. “I know I said you were too young to take the ones out of the library, but maybe we can go to the market to buy some cheaper ones…”

Nie Huaisang shook his head, feeling guilty. He didn’t really need a map. After all, a map couldn’t tell him what he needed to know: he couldn’t be sure that Meng Yao was in Yunping City right now, even though that was ultimately where he ended up. And anyway, even with a map, it was impossible for him to find a way to go there now, as a four year old – he could do many things by mail without being noticed, but even he couldn’t think of a way to mail order a whore and her son – and even a cheap map was an expensive purchase for a twelve year old with a limited allowance.

“I just like thinking about other places, that’s all,” he temporized. “You went to Yingchaun – what was that like?”

“It’s not too far beyond our borders, so it was mostly the same, I guess?” Nie Mingjue said, sounding a little helpless. “Same animals, plants, weather…they say the further that way you go, the spicier the food, but we must not have gone far enough, since I didn’t notice a difference.”

“What about the people?” Nie Huaisang said, deciding to try to get more information about Wei Wuxian instead since he already knew that asking Nie Mingjue to act as a travelogue was an exercise doomed to frustration. “You said someone from Yingchuan was coming – are they from the sect there?”

“The sect – Yingchuan Wang? Certainly not. They’re barely a sect as it is; they were servants in Qishan once, but then either got thrown out or left in a huff and now they eke out an existence as a medium-sized fish in a small pond. They send their children to be servants in Qishan whenever they can manage it, and still ask for help from us on the sly because they can’t afford to deal with their problems themselves. No one of note there.”

That wasn’t entirely true, Nie Huaisang thought; after all they had produced the horror that was Wang Lingjiao. He wonder if there was some way to make use of her. She was about their age, and she hadn’t yet committed any of the atrocities she later would. Of course, one did need to account for the trouble that was her personality…

“– sure you’ll like him,” Nie Mingjue was saying, and then he grimaced. “It’s his parents I don’t quite know what to do with.”

Nie Huaisang sympathized more than Nie Mingjue would ever realize. Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren had excellent reputations as cultivators, but beyond that he knew nothing about them but their son – they were wild cards, their impact on the state of play totally unpredictable.

“Father has charged me with taking care of them while they’re here, because I’m the one who invited them,” Nie Mingjue said, and reached up to rub the space between his brows the way he always did when he was stressed. “It’s not like we’re doing anything special with them – they’re just guest cultivators, not joining the sect – but at the same time…I don’t want to make a bad impression.”

He didn’t say whether it was on their guests or on their father.

A moment later, he nudged Nie Huaisang a little. “You’ll help me, right?”

Nie Huaisang would burn the world down for his brother.

However, practically speaking, he was currently four.

“Of course, da-ge,” he said. “How can I help? What can I do?”

“You,” Nie Mingjue said with satisfaction, “can be a subject of conversation.”

Nie Huaisang had the distinct feeling that what his brother meant was that he planned to throw him to be a cute child at their guests every time the conversation hit an awkward point, but surely he wouldn’t –

It was exactly what he did.

Nie Huaisang really wished he could blame this on his brother being twelve, but honestly his brother had always been a little like that.  He’d only ever gotten away with his terrible social skills and even more terrible sense of humor because he was tall as a mountain, with a reputation for being taciturn (in large part due to his following the rule of “if you have nothing good to say, say nothing”), and of course there was always Baxia adding some intimidation effect.

It was a bit of a start to realize that in some ways, the Headshaker had been better at some of the parts of being Sect Leader than his beloved older brother.

It was not, however, a realization that Nie Huaisang had a lot of time to dwell on, because he had Wei Wuxian to deal with – and if he’d thought that the other boy was a handful when they were teenagers, it was nothing compared to him as a small excitable child visiting a new place for the first time.

Some things Nie Huaisang had expected: Wei Wuxian was bright, lively, intelligent to the point of brilliance, talented at whatever he picked up, and at all times inclined towards mischief.

He hadn’t, for some reason, expected the overwhelming hyperactive curiosity about – everything.

Wei Wuxian was five years old, really five, and he had some interesting gaps in his knowledge base. 

Complicated talisman craftsmanship? No problem. 

How to buy paper in the marketplace? No clue.

The particulars of setting up camp in the middle of a forest? No problem.

How to deal with servants? No clue. 

He could guide himself at night using constellations, but he couldn’t name all five Great Sects; he could cook for himself but didn’t know how to order food from a restaurant; he could sing songs but he’d never played catch-me or hide-and-seek; he could play bait for a vicious yao but had never met a cat –

That last one was a bit of a problem, since the Unclean Realm had a bit of a stray cat problem.

Well, it wasn’t a problem at the moment, since Wei Wuxian loved the cats, but it was going to be a problem when one inevitably tried to claw his face off when he tried to pet them more than they felt like accepting.

It’d probably end up being Nie Huaisang’s problem, too, since Wei Wuxian liked to stick to him no matter where he went – or rather, he liked to stick to him, follow him around, get bored, and drag him off to do something else. Usually something childish (understandable, since he was a child), and extremely distracting from what Nie Huaisang should be focusing on.

…a great deal of fun, though.

Nie Huaisang’s initial fondness for Wei Wuxian had, he would admit, been primarily nostalgic in nature, but it wasn’t very long before the other boy swept him away with all the same things that he’d enjoyed back in the Cloud Recesses: he was spirited, witty, and clever, a bundle of trouble and inventor of adventures, and he made even the most boring things a lot more interesting.

They ran around the Unclean Realm, pretending to be explorers who happened upon a mysterious realm; they went to the market and bought one of every treat; they volunteered to feed the ducks and pigs and chickens; they pretended to be vicious beasts and practiced their prowling and hunting on long-suffering Nie disciples; they climbed trees and crawled around the caves; they made their way into the laundry and tried on everyone’s clothing –

At any rate, Nie Huaisang had always been lazy and carefree by nature, and old habits were hard to resist. He was still young enough that most of his day was free and excess training was discouraged to avoid distorting his musculature, and well, he was four. Everything was funny to a four year old.

Funny, and very distracting.

Still, it couldn’t go on forever. He had scheming to do.

“Da-ge,” he whined, taking advantage of his current size to crawl into his brother’s lap. “Da-ge, he’s always around.”

“Says the one who’s leading him into trouble half the time.”

“Da-ge! I don’t! He’s the one doing the leading!”

His brother smiled. “Is a leader the one at the front of the battlefield or the one whispering plans into his ears?”

“…they’re only my idea about half the time. At most.”

Nie Mingjue laughed. “If he’s really bothering you, I can talk to his parents.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Nie Huaisang said quickly. He still didn’t know what to make of Wei Wuxian’s parents.

He’d tried studying them with an eye towards what he knew about Wei Wuxian as an adult, but the resemblance was blurry at best. Wei Changze was a gentleman, talented and charming; he always had a smile on his face, his eyes curved a little as if he was always laughing at some internal joke, and more often than not there was something lighthearted on his lips – there was definitely something of the future Wei Wuxian there. But it would be wrong to think of them as too similar: unlike his son, Wei Changze was prudent and thoughtful, contemplative almost the point of being reserved, cognizant of the dangerous undercurrents that made up sect politics; he wasn’t arrogant, and that made him nothing like Wei Wuxian at all.

No, the arrogance was all from Cangse Sanren.

She was a fierce woman, teeth bared whether in smile or grimace and hand often lingering by the whip tucked into her belt, somehow seeming both straightforward and yet mysterious – intense, arrogant, uncaring of all convention, she would let nothing in the world stand between her and her principles.

Nie Mingjue liked her on sight, of course.

Nie Huaisang was a bit more worried about the way she sometimes remarked about the ridiculousness of human law, usually during one of the enthusiastic philosophical discussions she’d been having with Nie Mingjue during their occasional spars – Nie Huaisang supervised only once, then realized that four-year-olds shouldn’t be worrying about their blood pressure and also that Cangse Sanren was probably good enough to not murder an over-enthusiastic twelve-year-old in the middle of his own sect. He’d mentioned it subtly over breakfast at one point, but that’d only gotten Nie Mingjue started up with their father about the differences between human and natural law when what Nie Huaisang had actually meant was that he wasn’t entirely sure Cangse Sanren thought of herself as a human.

She also had a way of sometimes looking at Nie Huaisang with a strange sort of smile, as if she knew, and ever since then Nie Huaisang had avoided her as much as possible.

“Well, if you don’t want him bothering you all the time, and you don’t want me to talk to his parents about it, what do you want to do?” Nie Mingjue asked.

“I just think he needs other friends,” Nie Huaisang said earnestly, widening his eyes in a way that made his brother look deeply unimpressed (but also amused). “Maybe someone at a different sect, so he can spend time writing them letters.”

Not that Wei Wuxian was especially proficient at writing, which made sense for his age, but Nie Huaisang had rather a lot invested in having managed to convince Nie Mingjue that his level of writing (full words!) was normal.

“Letters,” Nie Mingjue said, looking deeply skeptical. “Who were you thinking?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Nie Huaisang lied. “Someone our age. Probably from another of the major sects, since he still needs to learn all about the way the cultivation world works…oh, I know! How about the Lan sect? Don’t they have a second young master right around our age?”

He wasn’t being very subtle, he had to admit, but practically speaking, who cared? There wasn’t anyone around to catch him at it.

And it would be truly a pity to rob Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian of their chance for an epic romance - hopefully one that would end a little more happily.

His brother frowned thoughtfully. Probably searching his memory for confirmation, since it was still another year before he met Lan Xichen for the first time, but in the end he nodded. “That’s not a bad idea. The Lan sect is known for their rules and etiquette, and that’s precisely what Wei Wuxian requires most, and he’ll definitely get along well with Lan Wangji. I’ll write to – no, I’ll speak with Father; if he approves, we may be able to set up a meeting. It wouldn’t be a bad thing to foster relations between our sects at an early age.”

“That’s a great idea!” Nie Huaisang said. It was, too – maybe he could knock some caution into Lan Xichen’s head when he was still young enough to appreciate it. “And maybe we can visit Gusu one day!”

“You and your maps,” Nie Mingjue teased. “All right, all right; I’ll see what I can do the next time Father’s back.”

There was a wrinkle in his brow at that, which Nie Huaisang couldn’t blame him for it: their father was extremely busy at the moment, off dealing with Qishan aggression, and that meant they only ever saw him occasionally, and even then only at breakfast. It must be uncomfortable for Nie Mingjue, who loved their father dearly, and for Nie Huaisang, well…

He’d been back in this old body for a month now, adjusting slowly, and the one thing he couldn’t quite deal with was their father, as he was now: a good man, as temperamental as any Nie but in the main part thoughtful and steady.

Nothing like the monster he remembered.

It wasn’t fair to judge a man by what he was like following a deliberately induced qi deviation, Nie Huaisang reminded himself, just as he’d learned not to blame his brother for the lashings of his worsening temper during that period of spiritual poison. And yet – Nie Huaisang truly didn’t know what he’d do when the busy period subsided and his father came back to help guide their training.

He just didn’t remember what it was like to have a father instead of just a da-ge.

Something to worry about in the future.

For now, though, he had a pair of future lovebirds to introduce – and connections with another sect to build, so as to better gather support for the upcoming war.

Still, contrary to his expectations, the Lan sect weren’t their first visitors.

It was the Jiang.

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

Holy crap this episode was funny as hell until it wasn't and then we were plunged right back into the intensity. But great episode!!! I don't lb so I don't get spoilers but man I had a lot of reactions as I watched. Ngl, a lot of cursing and caps ahead but damn was this such a good episode:

“One minute before the blackout” - now we’re to 1 minute from 1 week last week

“The place where this heart’s from, it was a tragedy. But once we land, it’s gonna turn into a miracle, right?” “Yeah, I like that” -- so once we land and settle after all of this craziness, a tragedy will turn into a miracle? I like that *looking at you Eddie*

EDDIE GET OUT OF THAT CHOPPER RN, DO NOT DO THIS TO ME AFTER SEASON 4, DO NOT!!!

Bobby going in to save the heart, hmm...

Oh, thank God - Eddie, Hen, and Bobby are all safe

Dr. Salazar - we need more of her. I love her so much.

4 Days later - hmm...

Wow, they’re really bringing Harry to the forefront here, this whole kidnapping thing is going to happen isn't it?

Harry charging neighbors and Michael and David in a sort of co-parent situation - first of all, Harry you are a GENIUS and love that Michael and David with Harry are being focused on in this episode, ahem, is there possibly a reason...?

Lou survived!!!! THANK GOD

Nearly 5 days Lou was in hospital

5 day head start for Hudson - is there something with 1, 3, 4 and now 5? I'm keeping track here, Tim

Buck is the power czar LOL - omg I love this man so much

Ravi!!! We need MORE Ravi!!! but where is Albert???

CHIMNEY!!!!! OMG I LOVE YOU - "Give me a charger or Uncle Buck will never see his niece again" - "Give him a charger" - "Well played" - "Let this be a lesson, never give that man a clipboard" - "Excuse me for being efficient" - "That’s one word for what you are" - okay #1 I will forever be in love with Chimney, probably one of my top favorite characters on this show & #2 LOVE this whole brothers interaction, Albert may not be there but Buck and Chim are still going with the whole older-brother-is-exasperated-with-the-younger-brother's-shit vibe

Oh God, here comes more cringe, yay... not so much

Eddie kisses Ana on the cheek AGAIN (Eddie, can you hear me? This is your subconscious speaking, when are you going to end this, my man?)

Ana says going to visit was Christopher’s idea since he missed Eddie and thought he was hungry - muy interesante

Buck rushing over to greet Christopher and hugging him tight is a moment I live for - outside of the whole Buck and Eddie story, I LOVE this relationship with all of my heart, I am so glad Christopher has Buck, he really is his second dad (with or without Eddie being involved)

Eddie not introducing Ana to Ravi (nor Buck saying hi) - Buck’s expression - “You must be Eddie’s wife” Christopher: “Not yet” I FUCKING LOVE THIS KID, OKAY!!!! Buck’s smile, he loves Christopher, too - love how Ana and Eddie don't say anything to dispel or clarify this

SAME FUCKING TRIGGER AND THIS TIME BUCK SEES IT!!!! OMG (Eddie, this is your subconscious again, you need to listen! The universe and I are trying to tell you something, please before any more shit hits the fan like me having to watch more uncomfortable interactions between you and your placeholder friend!)

Eddie sending Ana and Christopher on a tour with Ravi IN THE DARK at his work place so he can put SALADS AWAY

Buck’s expressions the entire time - Buck knows something's up

Ana’s expressions the entire time - she KNOWS

Thank God Bobby wasn’t around - hear me out, I have a reason for this that I am still working on in this long ass meta

Buck makes sure to not make eye contact with Ana (except quickly when Ravi is waiting to be introduced), even when Ana laughs at his “Constantly”

Eddie being a probie when Shannon came back in season 2 (and Eddie pulled her into the locker room to talk) & Ana being left to tour the station house with Ravi aka Probie - hello parallels & contrasts, my old friend

“I don’t want these things to wilt” - interesting choice of wording there, Eddie (newsflash, it's already wilting, Eddie)

I almost feel a little bad for Ana here because she did do something nice and she gets the brushoff and some discomfort/embarrassment in return (I mean the woman brought three salads in the middle of a blackout that she most likely made herself, come on - I'm sure some people think salads are easy to make but to those of us in the inexperienced/uninitiated cooks' club, it's not that simple)

Lila dead - hmm...are we surprised? (Hudson didn't give a fig about her and what's sad is Lou would have saved her)

“I think she was smitten like those other fools. I think she saw him being led away in cuffs and she intervened on his behalf” - interesting line there, Athena...

I need more scenes with Athena and Elaine - I know Elaine is the captain and Athena is on her own with no partner but I gotta say I am enjoying this

Athena! Why are you not warning the survivors!!! I mean I get it but still!!!

OMG “He takes Christopher all the time, he’s got the place memorized” - BUCK LISTENED TO EDDIE IN 3x03 - OMG!!!

Oh Buck my poor baby, he knows what they’re walking into - I LOVE Hen’s line of “Just smile, Buck” and then Eddie and Chim both smile wide at him - OMG I AM LIVING FOR THESE SCENES WITH THE 118

“Welcome to the Jungle” - nice touch 911

OMG Buck you are cracking me up - no animals are getting past him

1 hawk or eagle or raptor maybe? I’m not good with bird species okay!!!

3 emus again

1 bird I have no idea what kind (wondering if that’s what we saw the back of last episode near the emus)

Giraffe again

3 wolves

3 camels

Elephant

“The animal makes a move, control it” - YOU GOT THIS BUCK (yes we are finally getting that scene we saw filmed!!!)

Buck’s expression when the camel runs by is KILLING ME 'yeah, that's right Camel, back up, back up, you don't want any of this, yeah that's right'

Stuffed animals in the souvenir store, interesting

2 for $5 sign - even more interesting

1 alpaca

I guess I kind of wonder why Hen didn’t become a vet at one point in her life? Like I’m glad she’s a first responder and about to be a doctor but damn she knows so much about animals, she’s like the 118’s resident animal expert, that’s my girl

“We were gonna get one” - um...what? Hen...

“I wouldn’t” LOL oh Bobby you slay me

Is it just me or do we hear ET almost type music in the background as Hen lays chips down for the alpaca? Bobby mentioning the Reese’s Pieces, the flashlight shining on the Alpaca when it steps into view...are we getting an ET reference?

“It’s calling its friend!” *another Alpaca appears through coats “Clever girl” - a Jurassic Park reference - It’s a fucking Steven Spielberg reference, holy shit!!!!

Okay so that scene was Eddie looking over at Bobby, got it, near the fire trucks

Oh Buck I love you so much “So you ran from an Alpaca?” “Two Alpacas and no one was running” - both Buck’s and Eddie’s faces and then laughter are freaking hilarious

Chimney: “After careful consideration, I have decided not to endorse this park” - OMG I have not stopped laughing for like five minutes straight, can you imagine a Jurassic Park AU for this team? - shot of T-rex above Ripley’s Believe It Or Not (nice one, 911)

Weird looking bird that I've never seen before and 2 emus and 2 vulture, 1 hawk/raptor bird, 1 rhino

May is awesome!!! And so are those neighbors!!!!

Eddie in the tank top!!! Buck with a clipboard!!!

“Hey are you sleeping or just pretending?” Buck is taking no prisoners today

Buck is trying to make sure he’s not having any symptoms, omg, seriously how do you not love this guy???? Eddie you better make an honest man out of him soon, I'm not sure how much longer I can take this

“You don’t give up, do you?” Oh Eddie you did not just say that, to Buck of all people, come on man (hello season 3 Eddie, my old friend)

Get him, Buck! Get him!

“Since when do you panic?” “That’s what I said, I don’t panic” Buck once again out there proving that he knows Eddie better than anyone else

Oh wow!!! Eddie came right out and said it “If I’m being honest with myself I think it was Ana”

And there it is folks “She’s been a constant through all of this, staying with Christopher”

“Somehow we became a ready made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that” - wow, this is an excellent scene, he’s totally letting that wall down to talk candidly with Buck, nice - and him being stripped down to a tank top for this scene just reiterates that fact, he's baring some things

“I think I’m gonna stick it out. Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” - oh Eddie, you really need to shit or get off the pot my friend, this isn’t good for you, Christopher or Ana - how can you sentence all three of you to this? come on

“My kid loves her” but YOU DON'T - okay my heart is breaking, Eddie is making the same goddamn mistake all over again just like we predicted - Eddie please, what did Carla just say to you three episodes ago? Where the hell is Carla btw????

“Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with” “That enough?” - thank you Buck, seriously THANK YOU

Okay my heart just broke again but for Buck this time “Eddie, I have been Ana” - aww =( I love my chaotic firefighter son with all of my heart

And of course Denial!Eddie aka repressed!Eddie are back, sigh - 5x03 has to be where it all comes to a head, it has to be, now even Buck is forcing him to face what he's trying so hard not to - word of advice Eddie, my repressed firefighter son, you can try to deny it mentally/emotionally all you want but it will come out one way or another, just like it's coming out in panic attack symptoms and anxiety - you have to end this, sweetie

And I think it’s very interesting that Eddie looks right at Buck during “If I’m being honest with myself” *looks away then right back at Buck* “I think it was Ana”, “staying with Christopher”, then right after “I don’t know if I’m ready for that”, “I think I’m gonna stick it out”, “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” “My kid loves her”

OMG Eddie’s expression when Buck says “I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who’s not all the way in and deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth” — RYAN WHERE IS YOUR GODDAMN EMMY??? If anyone ever doubted that Eddie was in love with Buck, there’s the freaking proof written all over Eddie’s face at Buck’s line!!! It’s not something he thinks he can have and it hurts

Okay seriously, Eddie saying “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with Shannon” — VERY PURPOSEFUL MENTION OF A WOMAN HE’S WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH, EDDIE PLEASE, CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!!

Then they go right to Chim calling Maddie, uh huh, I see you 911

I really love Hen’s full support of Maddie btw & I love how Chim is able to talk to Hen about it all

Oh no!!! Maddie please don’t fall asleep!!!

Oh thank God!!!! It’s going to be okay, Maddie, you got her, it’s going to be okay - I seriously want to give my girl a hug and tell her it's going to be okay

Omg Jee-Yun is so cute!!!

Day 4 or day 5 hmmm - I'm still keeping track, Tim

“Why is it every time the world ends, it ends some more?” “It just keeps us on our toes” “More like knocks us on our asses” - Universe is that you?

Awww Bobby just called Athena “baby” <3 I'm not crying, you're crying

YES more Athena and Elaine

Lou is awake!!!!

Awww Lou =( I may or may not be ugly crying rn

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that Lou is alive

Oh God!!!! Athena get the cops there now!!!!

Yeah you should have let Harry charge them Michael lol, of course they were there to just use the generator power (though I love and appreciate the contrast they gave us in the neighbors who helped the boy with the ventilator so we know not all people take advantage)

OH NO GET AWAY FROM HARRY YOU BASTARD!!!!

On a side note, it’s nice to see more Michael and David but at what cost, Tim? Can we please get more of them and especially David in a more lighthearted episode for crying out loud? Is that too much to ask???

Go Bobby!!!!

Good for you, Athena!!!

Omg this is practically Athena’s nightmare come to life, shit

Omg Hudson unplugged the goddamn generator, THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

HARRY!!!!!!

I’M SORRY BUT ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE’S NO BOLO WITH A PICTURE ON THIS GUY?!!? - oh right, no power, but STILL

Okay that was super intense, I really hope Athena is the one to take Hudson down, just like Bobby said

I have a few more rewatches to do before breaking things down but damn, I think I need a drink after that one.

[hazzabeeforlou]

Walls Masterpost

It’s the 28th of pride month, and fitting to post this now. The soul of Walls is the unabashed, fierce, tender, and brave love of a man who has shown for years that he is proud. This album isn’t a cohesive story line, nor do I think it’s even the album Louis envisioned himself putting out. He only flirts with true indie music like that of his idols; Always You is a pop masterpiece, TOU is a ballad, and Perfect Now a love song in the style of Little Things. The album is a collection of letters each addressed to a singular recipient, personal, self-searching, blunt, too vulnerable to be easy listening (if you really listen). Walls shows us the scope of Louis’ capacity for love. It’s the culmination of years of pain, heartbreak, and hope, written with the raw honestly of an archeologist stumbling upon his own personal memoirs. 

Please feel free to ask questions if any of the technical stuff is confusing, and remember these are my interpretations as a classically trained musician. I will use the name “Subject” for the implied “you” in each of Louis’ songs. 

Kill My Mind: in F minor. The verses are i VII IV, the tiny bridge IV III I (?), and the chorus is VII IV I, repeat. 

There are two oddities about this. First, in a natural minor key, the forth chord is minor (iv) but Louis keeps this B flat chord in major, changing the D flat to a D natural. Secondly, in the chorus, Louis changes from using a minor one chord to a major one. He raises the A flat to an A natural as he sings “Raise my body [A natural here] back to life.” This bit of text painting not only illustrates his words, but lends the song an off kilter feel, confusing the key signature between F minor and B flat Major (which has an A and D natural). 

Kill My Mind is Louis’ only ‘drugs’ song on the album, and I say that both because the metaphor is obvious and because he uses that obvious metaphor to compare addiction to a relationship. It reminds me, lyrically, of Back To You, and, like that song, could easily be interpreted as about a controlling force in his life on whom he’s become dependent, or a lover. 

Don’t Let It Break Your Heart: this is easily in the key of B flat Major. The verses are I IV vi 6/4 V 6/4, the bridge vi vi V IV vi V, the chorus same as the verses, I IV vi 6/4 V 6/4. 

This is Louis’ most hopeful track, and is so clearly about grief. Much has been made of the first line “on our way to twenty seven” being a reference to the 27 Club, a cultural phenomenon of icons/musicians/artists that die at that age due to fame/high risk lifestyle, but Louis then says they’re “doing better,” implying that both he and Subject are in this category. The rest of the song is him counseling and comforting Subject, empathizing with the hurt of loss, encouraging Subject, “Don’t let it kill you even when it hurts like hell.” He knows this pain, knows it deep, and knows that it takes time to heal. 

Two Of Us: IV I V iv V IV I V vi V. This progression is the same for both verses and chorus. The bridge is a bit hard to decipher as it moves in 3rds and not triads, something like IV V vi V vi V. 

Not much needs to be said about this song. It’s Louis’ beautiful ode to his mom, and he sings it with incredible vulnerability and heart. 

We Made It: this is the revolving door song. One progression is used, IV I V iii, and repeats from start to finish. It keeps reminding me of Coldplay. 

What’s interesting is that each chord functions as the subdominant or leading chord of the next, basically spinning us ever forwards so we never stop on a tonic home base. The E flat IV chord leads to the B flat I, the B flat I then functions as a IV chord to the V chord (F Major), then the D minor III chord functions as a major VII leading to a I of E flat (the beginning IV chord we started with in B flat Major) and the cycle repeats. 

Louis leaked part of this song several years ago, and a line about moonlight replaced the “met you at your uni” section, interestingly. “Playing something pop’y on the same four chords, used to worry bout it but I don’t no more.” Young love. He remembers how it tasted. Subject was high on what? Adrenaline? Orgasm? It’s a tender reminiscence with a hint of tragedy, “don’t know why they put this all on us when were so young.”  

Too Young: in E Major, the verses and chorus are IV I V vi (the vi is omitted at the cadences), the bridge is vi I V IV I V. 

Louis is once again looking back, regretful. Louis doesn’t speak in metaphors, the lyrics are to the point and precise. He’s hurt Subject, he’s given in to pressures, he’s cut subject off... the “2 years since I’ve seen your face” of course doesn’t fit the chronology of the album, but rather of his public life, as does the previous song’s line of “met you at your uni.” It’s interesting, then, that while Louis takes the blame for so much, he still says ‘we were too young’ and not ‘I was too young,’ implying that Subject was at least partly to blame for the hurt too, if only by fault of immaturity. 

Walls: This is in B Major. The chord progression for verses is

 vi I vi I, V [V7 with the melody note on the E natural] IV V V7 II IV i6 (passing chord)

chorus, IV I V I6, IV I V III6 vi V II6 Vi ii I (IV I passing chords) 

bridge, IV vi V, IV vi V, Vi vi III6 vi V II (this holds over til chorus) 

This is Louis’ tour de force. Walls is as complex as it is beautiful. His use of Major II chords, altered from a normal ii chord in Major key signatures, and his use of a Major III chord (which, again, is minor in Major key signatures) adds an unconventional twist. The opening and closing lyrics, “nothing wakes you up like waking up alone,” are set against a sparse vi I; but you see the vi chord doesn’t normally go to I, usually ii, IV, and V have that role, so by using a vi to I Louis is showing us the tonic alone, nothing ‘surrounding’ it. This song is so complex and layered, and I would argue it’s the one song besides OTB that is ripe for poetic interpretation; on first glance the lyrics seem so obvious, but there’s the music video to consider, the metaphor of him being left alone, high on a wall that has not fallen down, a blank name tag on his chest. The door opening to a desert on one side and a bullseye masquerade on the other has no happy implications, yet Louis has become a man through it all, he says, and he has no regrets about letting his walls crumble for love, damn the consequences he’s suffered. 

Habit: in G Major, the verses are I ii IV I, the bridge vi V IV I vi V IV ii7, the chorus I ii IV (vi V added when leading to next verse). Interestingly, in the verse that says “come so far from Princess Park,” the repeated line “in front of me, in front of me” adds two chords to the verse, between the IV and I, a vi and V. 

Like in too young, this is an apology, and Louis lays out his sins plainly. And while it’s unequivocal, we can see the extenuating circumstances: “took some time ‘cause I ran out of energy playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be.” There is no more damning line of lyrics. Louis has been exhausted holding some line, an invisible current through his music that he never truly addresses, yet always its there, a background character, a force of cruel divinity. “Don’t know why they put this all on us when were so young.” “I’m too far gone to pray.” 

Always You: This song could conquer radio in half a heartbeat, given a chance. It’s in E Major, verses are I vi IV, chorus is I vi IV, the same. 

This is world tour of missing Subject, this is Miss You but rephrased, reworked, gone from punk to pop princess. We have Amsterdam, Tokyo, LAX, Heathrow, which speak for themselves. “My baby,” Louis quotes over and over. He’s been “chasing a high,” and I’m reminded of the high in We Made It, “baby you were still high.” Orgasm? Adrenaline? Love? 

Fearless: A minor. Verses, i VII VI (added VI VII when leading back to verse), bridge is i V VI (III VII passing chords can be heard) i V VI VII

Now the very short chorus (”fearless, fearless,”) is, if we stick to A minor, III, III4/2, i, VI. I think, however, that at this point the piece modulates, going from A minor to C Major, (A minor is the relative minor of C Major, which means that the two keys share a key signature and can go into and out of each other easily) making the progressions I I4/2 (4/2 is an inversion of a 7th chord) vi IV. Now to add complexity on top of that, having a I7 chord is incredibly unusual, so I wouldn’t label it that, I would label it a V4/2 of IV, meaning that C7 chord functions as a cadential chord leading to F, or the IV chord, of C Major. This is all rather complicated, but knowing how it was constructed shows the song’s complexity. The final “fearless, fearless” progression then is: I, V4/2 of IV, vi, VI. 

In this song I believe Louis’ Subject is himself. it’s a song about fame and anxiety and the lost innocence (and gutsiness) of youth. It’s a brutal song that I doubt Louis would write to anyone besides himself given how he focuses solely on his own faults and doesn’t lay anything at the feet of his other Subjects. The laughing children heard fist and last are a cutting effect. 

Perfect Now: D Major. Verses, I I7 [again this is technically a V7 of IV, and functions as that since it leads to IV] IV6/4 iv6/4

bridge, iii vi ii vi

chorus, IV V I IV V I, IV V I IV I

second bridge, V vi IV I, V vi IV vi (then to chorus) 

This is a strange little song, perhaps its most unusual quirk being the switch from a Major IV chord to a minor iv chord in the verse. The Subject in this song loves to dance, and I’m reminded of KMM. Subject isn’t just not feeling pretty, they’re depressed, they are reticent to be looked upon (”don’t hide away”) they are a crown-less queen, and tears are the norm. Subject has a platform - everyone is looking at them - and is a scene stealer, charismatic without trying. I’ve attempted and failed to understand this song in any way other than that Subject is dealing with dysphoria, and that this is Louis’ ode to their perfection, an affirmation of an identity that perhaps can only be realized in private. It is in this interpretation that the Major to minor flip of the 4 chord makes me absolutely crumble into pieces. 

Defenceless: C flat Major (a most unusual key for a pop song). Verses are I V6 vi IV, bridge IV vi I V, chorus is IV vi I V (the falsetto second bridge is the same) 

Defenceless is Louis at his most honest. Who writes these lyrics in a pop song? “You don’t have to keep on being strong for me and you,” “just want to be loved by you,” “you don’t have a thing to prove,” “I’m too tired to be tough,” “Wish I didn’t need so much of you.” A moth to a flame is different from a moth to a light; immolation is a theme in love stories. This is too honest for a love song, and it feels intrusive just to listen. Louis has a deep love for Subject, an abiding care and need for them. 

Only The Brave: E flat Major. Verse, I (IV I) IV I, I (IV I) IV I

Chorus is vi V IV I [ii iii IV V OR IV V IV V, I can’t determine because of the movement in 3rds] I 

This song. I can only compare it to when I used to cry when I’d see speeches about gay love; I never understood why, but I just knew, in my heart, before my brain had figured it out yet, that I was the same. This song is that. It is so intrinsically gay, the metaphors are woven in every word, every nuance. Burn history, break rules, cry like a fool, close enough to touch... the church of burnt romances. “I’m too far gone to pray.” Love is only for the brave. Of course it takes a great deal of bravery to love anything completely, to face the prospect of loss knowing how that love will rip you apart. And in the end, some might say from the cradle to the grave you are ultimately alone. Yet Louis knows better than any that those you love are always with you, “even when I’m on my own, I know I won’t be alone.” I believe this song is Louis’ concluding thesis to an album filled to the brim with anecdotes of his own love, a gift to us speaking of the commonality he shares with the wider community, a history of brave love, of loneliness, of too many dying stars in the sky. The tall tales, only hello hello, no goodbye; we don’t focus on the goodbyes. We tell our stories with happy endings, but love, sometimes it doesn’t have those, for some of us it’s a solo song. 

Louis Tomlinson, I’m sure there’s not a chance in a million you’ll ever read this but, if you do, I see you, we see you. You are so loved. Thank you for this album, thank you for giving us this gift of love. Continue your artistic journey and follow your heart. We’ll be here, because for us, it’s Always You. 

[stray-tori]

Making peace with TPN S02E04 (anime-only)

Post summary: my problems with the episode, possible explanations for why and how to minimize the problems. also some speculation.

The thoughts are mostly based on the anime in a bubble, aside from the segments where I mention otherwise.

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#0 - My mixed feelings about staying anime-only

This is strange, because... I’m not really hype for next week? I want more, but not in the same excited way I did before. Because I simply don’t know what to expect anymore.

I want to stick as an anime-only so I can deliver stand-alone thoughts as this... clunky and stumbling adaptation makes its way towards the finish line (obviously it won’t be done this season but, yeah ---- i mean, hopefully not, who knows what they’ll do at this point).

But another part of me is just... more excited to read the manga to see what it is like and what the differences are, after the anime is done (which was always my plan, but I was never really actively excited about it pff-). And I feel like your anime approach has failed when I’m moreso looking forward to reading the source material eventually. I do hope that with ep5 they’ll get back on track and this feeling will fade. That they have a meaningful plan and reason for why ep4 felt so messy and disjointed - a reason why it had to go this way, because I feel like they just wanted them out of the bunker, but this is not the way imo (more on that in the next segment)

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#1 - Leaving the bunker - mix of feeling “rushed” and “waste of time”

I feel like where the anime is going, they kind of wrote themselves into a corner in Episode 4. The story setup was leading them to this place (i.e. the bunker), but they obviously didn’t want them to stay there long.

What is the problem? / The way it was setup, we got about an episode of them being there (too few to have emotional attachment to the place) and then being chased out when things went well. In a way it is both too soon, but since nothing really worth the ~1 episode “fluff” happened there in the end, it feels pointless or as if we just wasted time, just for them to leave in the end.

Imo, the bunker is needed for two things, 1) being the first goal for them to go to, so the story isn’t aimless right away and 2) info dumps. Most of the children’s content can be repurposed during their forest time or doesn’t seem relevant right now.

For the record, I personally think that they got found out makes sense in-universe,

WM said he was found out, it’s not unlikely the farm knows that bunkers exist and might even have a vague idea of where they are

that there are multiple could be assumed by the army guy saying, “That’s how shelters usually are” -- If the world has been like this for 1000 years, what other purpose than human survival in a demon would could shelter even have? 

I don’t think the pursuers communicated it back (got lucky, Ray) because if they did, they wouldn’t show up a whole month later.

they could have just observed them, they’ve been on the surface quite a bit.

(though I also agree it should be confirmed how the farm found out)

I’m just questioning the impact it had on me as a viewer (which is little) - the world is rigged against them, they can’t catch a break in a system this powerful chasing them and I think part of the confusion and “wait we’re back at square 1??” (literally) is intentional, to evoke the feeling of something being lost. If possible, I would keep the spirit of this idea (see “it’s a trap” in the next segment)

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So what can we do to fix it?

Skipping the bunker / I don’t think we can remove the bunker outright. I suppose they could have had them just go straight for the new location by having the last keyword be another puzzle instead of the phone recording giving it away directly. But that might have too few things happening. That way they also would have gotten more time on their own to be wandering OR Mujika and Sonju might have been with them longer (which would honestly make sense from a meta point, too. I feel like they were a little short-lived.)

Less time in the bunker / if it feels pointless anyway, get it over with quickly

More time in the bunker / stay longer and have them do something else. Maybe they prepped to already go back to GF, time has passed and then they get raided. Problem: why did it take the farm force so long?

To be honest, I’m not sure that would have been much better so I’m personally more inclined to fix it with a very tightly connected problem, which will be the next segment:

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#3 - the HELP wall scare was pointless

What’s the problem? / the scare was used in between two segments of “the happy life in the bunker”(TM). The segments are the exact same feeling to me personally, just fluff. The scare changed NOTHING. Nothing that was revealed justifies it existing.

Pre wall scare: WM is an ally, the bunker is for escapees

Post wall scare: WM is an ally, he got discovered, the bunker is for escapees, there were escapees there before (?)

The wall doesn’t even have anything to do with WM. And we didn’t get enough details on the HELP wall, even on its own. Was the book and the “HELP”s from the same person? Why were they going crazy there? What did their siblings die from? It can’t be food, so it must have happened outside. Where they picked up by the Task Force(TM)?

The “don’t give up” is nice, but our crew didn’t need that pep talk I think - i guess with Minerva gone, they lost a hope for allies, but at the same time he gave them coordinates where to get support. If they didn’t get that and now were on their own, I’d get the whole uplifting book more, personally. I guess the tragedy here is that WM is dead? Maybe I’m not emphasizing with the characters enough on this.

. So what can we do to fix it?

Give more details to the wall / i.e. answering the questions posed above. Maybe show more of the diary. Maybe two were left and one killed themselves (they scribbled HELPs and were crazier) and left the other alone, and they decided they’re leaving for the human world. It doesn’t change that the scare doesn’t mean much, but it would at least be a little more personal.

Change the wall / remove the helps, leave the names and the counting. It would be a tragic reveal (instead of a over-dramatic scare) to see that people had died (around) here, making them scared for their own lives (I guess that’s kind of implied to be happening but since it doesn’t linger, I didn’t really notice.)

It’s a trap/they definitely know of the bunker / it’s not “help” but “run” which was a warning someone put there because they figured out the farms knew of the bunker (or they got attacked and one couldn’t leave). It being a trap would make sense because even as it’s now, I’m just assuming they vaguely know of the bunkers’ existence anyway. Then it wouldn’t be “yay bunker life! - scare - yay bunker life! - BOOM” but instead “yay bunker life! - it’s a trap... what do we do?” - you can still have the info dumps & the phone call and then they either realize it’s a trap and just leave (removing the problem of the....... interesting raid scenes), and BOOM (haha) you’re where the anime is now, since the troup got nom’ed anyway and aren’t a threat anymore. The mission would still fail since they’re gone, so Isabella’s plot is in tact too. I think this would also partly solve the bunker problem, because now something actually changed about the setup we know. It’s NOT the safe bunker anymore. It changes a lot about the world too - the farm knows of them so how much more of the WM support net is affected? It makes you think more about the larger scale implications (and ligns up nicely with the “I was discovered” talk from James, therefore making the wall shown at the same time relevant), + the bunker has another reason to be there, to reveal that. Personally, it would change our perception and understanding of the situation, which imo would make up for the lacking investment in the bunker itself. It would also prompt them to leave faster (likely), thus eliminating the “we spent so much time here for nothing” thing. If you really want to you can even have them stay anyway, since it’s the only thing they have and they opt to just leave on the first sign of someone actually being on their back. This requires a better night watch than Don though :D

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#4 - The little things

Missed drama - the episode was pretty casual about a lot of things; testing potentially dangerous food (fair because it was a nice segment), their new home being gone (fair because no attachment) and them seeing humans being eaten right in front of them (WHY WASN’T THIS MILKED). It makes it all seem like it’s not a big deal - which I guess in a survival story, it kind of isn’t. But I still feel like there wasn’t really any impactful moment this episode it just kinda went “brrr” and now we’re back to episode 1.

for real, please milk the wild demon eating people / he just kinda goes "nom" and the children are there and run. It feels like the anime itself barely takes it seriously - it's the first time (I think), they see a human get eaten by a demon and I feel like that could have used like a close up shot, and some more disgusted reactions by the children. I get that it's a world where that just happens but I feel like the anime just didn't take or see the change to do something more personal with it. I like it as an element at its core because it makes sense; they shot around, attracting the demon and I also like the irony of being saved by a wild creature. Even if that now chases you.

incompetent soldiers - why do they have guns? they can’t HARM / KILL the quality food, so WHY GUNS? -- People with guns are usually incompetent in anything because they just can’t hit anything, but that at least makes sense here. Still, what was the plan? Sheer intimidation? They’re the farms’ force right? Why don’t they know how to deal with wild demons? Possible answer: to prevent humans with guns knowing how to eliminate their higher ups :D doesn’t change that it makes them look stupid. Bro really got defeated by getting a cup thrown in his face. To be fair this specific one didn’t seem to be the brightest bulb, why the “huh?” when he found Don??? Is this relevant I’M SO CONFUSED.

where’s the character moments? - when they got to the bunker, everyone else kind of got the focus, and the main cast just didn't have any of those character moments anymore that made the previous episodes, especially episode 2, so touching and emotional for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the kind of fluff content with the children a lot but I kind of missed some.... it feels like it's more event driven (#BOOM) than character driven now, and idk how to really attach to that? Especially since with ep4 we didn't even really learn anything new (aside from a name and that he was indeed good and is now dead I guess).

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#5 - Why?

Warning: this goes a bit into comparisons (nothing concrete though), and I obviously don’t know more than I picked up from fandom reactions.

My guess is that

“So... I cannot at this point say that we are going to animate the entire story to the very end. We are not at a point where we can say that. Sorry. (Laughs)”

from the MAL interview might be a factor. It seems they wanted to tell their own spin regardless (which I personally respect) but maybe they thought that unless they had a two-cour, it would be hard to keep up the investment the first season set up with what was originally in the manga (I had heard that it would be a weird pacing to do 11 episodes and maybe they wanted to make sure viewer engagement was high).

> “We know that there are viewers who, after they watch the anime, want to continue on and read the manga, and there are viewers who have read the manga first and are now watching the anime.”

(I’m not sure if “after the anime” means after a season or after the the whole adaptation)

Their goal is definitely an “unique” experience. And they seem to at least be aware that some people watch the anime first, so it has to make sense in a bubble.

I can’t say if I would have preferred a slower start into whatever the manga has that caps off at 11 episodes (idk how much rewarding stuff could have fit in there), since they probably fear of not being able to do a complete adaptation too. And I feel like as I’m getting it, they are trying to quickly reintroduce what people cared about in s1 --- in Isabella’s case, maybe a bit too early. there was barely any time to really miss her imo.

But I’m also not sure if whatever they’re aiming for will be rewarding. I hope so, because I don’t want their efforts to go to waste. And I don’t want to come to dislike it.

I can admit faults, ep4 is definitely a lowpoint even without knowing the alternatives. Just that for me, it is annoying little things and not the shocking deviations from the manga.

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#6 - Hope

I have hope though because Isabella’s stuff was good, and now that they’re over the no-return divergence point, they might be able to... (meta spoiler) not repurpose manga scenes without any buildup (is what I’m getting) anymore :”D, because they really only set themselves up for disappointed with that. It might seem like a homage but it’s moreso out of place, the people who read it aren’t happy because you didn’t earn it (and of course they’ll compare) and the anime suffers from it because it can create unnecessary confusion forced in just to make a reference.

Ironically I think they’re too stuck in the manga too and could have benefited from a blind perspective.

I don’t really mind anything overall I think (world is against them, that’s fair, being out on the run again is fine, the demon “rescue” is fine), the execution / some details of episode 4 were just... strange. idk where they are going with it and maybe that really was the best way to transition but until I know where it goes, I can’t really judge that. Highly doubt it though.

I really hope they completely just do their own things now with some base elements from the manga.

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A lot of what I talked about in this post ended up making me appreciate the crumbs of intention. The realization that previous escapees didn’t make it (not all of them, anyway) and WM being dead, and then having that uplifting message. The message of “you don’t get to rest, you’re on your own again”. The irony of the wild demon being their (temporary) rescue. The past escapees.

Ironically, I wanted to dunk on the anime but really, all I feel is more content now. Would I have preferred some fixes? Yes, but I see some semblance of meaning in it even with the errors.

Thanks for reading this goddamn essay.

[allie1804-fan]

Kerensa Part 2

This is a continuation of Kerensa Part 1 which you can find here

Kerensa (Part 1)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13

Kerensa (Part 2)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Warnings: Explicit content.

Chapter 8

Discovery

“Keanu!”

He didn’t say anything, just looked from the fridge to her, his eyes wide, a stunned expression on his face. Her eyes tracked to the place he was focussed on, on the fridge door. They had bought a fridge magnet from Tresco Abbey on their visit the previous year and, tucked under it, was the 8-week scan picture.

She approached him slowly, wondering about his reaction. Was he angry that she’d kept this a secret? Was he happy?

“Keanu,” she said again when she was standing right in front of him, “Keanu sweetheart, we’re going to have a baby. That’s your baby there a few weeks ago, at 8 weeks. I’m 11 weeks now and I’m sorr”

She couldn’t even get the word “sorry” out before he was giving her a smacker of a kiss and hugging her close.

“We did it? We really did it, back in LA before I left?”

She nodded, tears flowing down her cheeks now, seeing from his broad smile and excited exclamation that he was truly happy.

“Uh-huh, I only found out when I got here. But I didn’t want to worry you when you were so far away. I wanted to tell you face to face.”

“I think I need a sit-down,” he said “then you can update me on everything”

She chuckled.

“Come on, let’s go sit out on the swing seat. That’s our place for big chats right?”

“Right” he grinned.

They sat swinging in the sunshine and she updated him on her health, the due date, her worries, and the advice of the consultant.

“You used the medical cover right?”

“Yes, thank you” she squeezed his hand, “I really appreciated that. Meant I could see a good specialist quickly. And the next scan is in 2 days, back in London. If that all goes well, we can make arrangements to fly back”

“And it’s safe right?”

“Yes - to be honest, it was probably safe already but she just advised that I not do anything that I could later blame myself for if I lost the baby in the early weeks. She recommended calm and rest so that’s what I’ve been doing. He hugged her to him again.

“I’m so relieved, I was worried when you didn’t come back that there was something wrong, that you’d decided we weren’t enough, that you preferred it here, alone to being in LA with me. I know it wasn’t your favourite place and I was being difficult before……”

“I was worried too”

“Why?”

She took a deep breath.

“Can I ask you something? About your past?”

“Sure ….why?” he looked curiously at her wondering what on earth from his past had worried her.

“When you had a girlfriend before, and you had to go on location, would you be, errr faithful or did you, you know fool around?”

“I would never” he started to protest

“No hear me out, would you say to your girlfriends that you couldn’t promise to stay faithful when you were away?”

“Oh, well, yeah that’s true, back in the day, I found monogamy hard. But that’s because the girlfriends I had back then, they were never…… it was never real enough you know, there was never anyone who I loved like I love you”

“Is that how it was, with Autumn?”

“Yeah, yes, it was.” He paused as a thought occurred to him “Did she say something to you?”

Kerry nodded, swallowing hard at the memory.

“What? What did she say?”

“She …” Kerry took another breath, “she asked how I was coping with your whole ‘what happens on location, stays on location’ thing and, she said” Kerry couldn’t finish.

“What?”

“She said a leopard never changes its spots”

“Man, she is a piece of work!”

“mmmm” was all Kerry could say.

“is that why you came back here?”

“Yeah a bit, it just messed with my mind and I was obviously a hormonal mess without realising it as well. I was impressionable you know?”

“I’m so sorry she said that, that’s low and, I dunno, I thought she was over it and she was my friend ……. Clearly not”

“I’m sorry hun”

“Yeah, me too – and I promise you, those days are over. I am faithful, happy with monogamy now. I would never do anything to hurt you, especially not that, OK?”

“Ok”

Their updates completed, Keanu found himself yawning, still suffering from jet lag, so he took a nap while Kerry went in search of something for dinner from the deli. Keanu found her baking a quiche when he returned to the kitchen. He stood and watched her for a moment before she noticed him

“You really are glowing you know. When I got here and found you sleeping, I could see it but I just thought it was the sea air, but you look ….radiant, so very beautiful” Kerry smiled

“Thank you ….You’re lucky you missed the vomiting weeks, not so beautiful then!” she said as she popped the quiche in the oven.

“Come 'ere I’ll make it up to you. I would have held your hair back and rubbed your back if I’d been there.”

“I know hun”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a little peck on the lips.

“But you feel good now?”

“Yeah, yes. Still scared, but well.”

“I don’t think being scared is ever going to leave us is it?”

“Not unless they’ve invented a portable ultrasound that you can have strapped on permanently, no.”

“It’ll be ok, I’ll keep you safe, I promise”

“After dinner and a quick night-time walk with Scout, they headed up for an early night.

In the bedroom Kerry started to undress when Keanu stopped her.

“Let me”

“I can’t, we can’t” she started, thinking that he wanted to undress her as a preamble to sex.

“No no I know, that can wait. I just want to see you. Then I’m going to take a quick shower, I still feel grubby from traveling.”

He took over undoing the buttons of her grandad-style shirt, taking it off and placing it on the chair in the corner of her room. Then he untied the bow on her wrap skirt and unwound the layers so she could step out. He reached out and felt her slightly rounded belly.

“Ooh it’s firmer “

“Yeah I just noticed that too. They call it thickening, it’s the walls of the uterus changing.”

“Amazing, so wonderful” he marveled leaning in to kiss her.

Then he reached round to undo her bra sliding the straps off and pulling it away to reveal her heavier breasts, areola darkening already.

“Do they hurt?” he asked, reaching out to touch them but not wanting to hurt her.

“Just a little tender”

He cupped one in each hand and moaned.

“Wow, they were already gorgeous but now!”

She giggled

“I thought you’d like that aspect!”

He grinned then kissed her before turning away to undress for his shower.

“Shall I join you?”

“Sure, I’d like that”

“We can do that thing you like me doing, no need for you to go without!”

He grinned and rushed to take off the rest of his clothes and get the shower running. Kerry had had a large shower installed when she bought the house and did a few renovations to it, so there was room for two. As the steam billowed up, she lathered a shower puff and rubbed it over his firm chest and down to his groin cupping his balls with her other hand.

He steadied himself with one arm pushed against the tiles and the other around her waist. His eyes closed as the pleasure coursed through his veins.

His cock was already standing to attention and Kerry dropped the shower puff and wrapped her fingers around the shaft. She gripped it at the top, then she slowly pulled the foreskin down to reveal the head as she kissed him passionately, starting to Jack him slowly. With the fingers of her other hand, she softly rubbed the area under his balls making him groan deep in his throat.

“God I missed you!”

“Just for my hand jobs ?” she giggled

“No, but yeah you’re so good ….. the way you touch me ….. aghhh” he moaned again as she increased the pace and kissed him again.

Kerry loved the control she had over him and the pleasure she gave him when she did this. As she increased the pace again and gripped just a little tighter, she could feel him stiffen as he got close. Their lips parted as he came.

“Fuuuck” he shouted as his cum sprayed out over her hand.

He pulled her to him, laying his head on her shoulder and breathing hard.

“Thank you, woah, that was a whole lot of sexual tension you just relieved there! You sure you don’t want anything?” he asked after his hand wandered to her folds which were wet.

She declined, feeling strange even about the exertion and possible impact cumming could have.

“I know I’m being superstitious but let’s just wait till after the scan”

@fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @omg-imagine @keanureevesisbae @penwieldingdreamer @paperplanesandwallflowers @witty-wallflower @karlee1225 @bitchyslut99 @toomanystoriessolittletime @ladyreapermc @kissmyromanticquote @tacticalchics @utterlynuts @kylosbitch @thebigbubowski @thelightnessofthebeing @gatsbynouvel @keanuficfiles @fanficsrusz @jardaniswife @cheezbort @mazzylana97 @maggiemoo1892 @girlfriday007 @siriussnape07 @yomnaislame @soarocks @fadingkideclipseempath @franny-banks-world @keanulowe @babylovejongin @lucky134ever @jasmindaughteroftheworld @tomorrowsanotherday @fokinqueen @littlefreya @leftyreea @wheretheriversrunintothesea @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @fickenstein @popacherryvisitalibrary @aah8903 @thethirstyarchive @cynic-spirit @australianpsychos @meetmeinthematinee

[themissingmarvel]

Kind Regards, Detective [Part 5] -Prelude to Deepest Sympathies

(I don’t usually trigger warn or content warn, but this might be a triggering chapter. I’m including the Reader’s Drabble I wrote a little while back as recommended reading prior to this, [Drabble 2] but if it’s hard to read about family death then maybe avoid it. This chapter was hard, but important. And I think sets up a truly important dynamic. I’m a slow-burn romantic kind of lady, and I wanted their relationship to be powerful and important, not just one of lust. Or even basic attraction. I needed it to be human. Anyway I liked writing it, and feedback is always appreciated and loved and treasured ((i seriously reread any feedback and comments)) and as always, ask to be tagged or removed from tagging.

Pairing: Detective Loki x fbi!Reader

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Death, emotional anguish, PTSD flashbacks, language)

Catch up: [Part 1] // [Part 2] // [Drabble] // [Part 3] // [Part 4] // [Drabble2]

She didn’t sleep last night, which was no surprise. She had spent much of the night awake and poring over documents and cataloged pieces. Her own theories had been spun and while some might have felt outlandish in her head, she understood that this was an outlandish case. It had been hard enough to put on those headphones and let herself fall into a trance. Remember her sister. But not directly. She remembered remembering. Buying that damn CD she would play over and over. Peter Gabriel was her sister’s favorite, not that she’d ever tell anyone. Neither would. Her sister touted her love for System of a Down and Trust Company back when those bands made you cool.

For years after her sister passed she had found the only thing that felt vaguely satisfying was leaving that CD on her sister’s grave. And when CDs started becoming scarce, she had spent a few hundred dollars on Amazon buying all of the CDs she could find with that song on it. She’d be damned if she ever missed a single anniversary. Never went on the day of her passing, though. No. That felt sacrilegious. She went on her sister’s birthday, played the song on her headphones, along with a few others, but Heroes was the one that she played most. It was the one she’d leave behind after telling her how her parents had finally divorced, or how her dad had been ‘thinking’ about retiring again. For the hundredth time. Or how she’d been accepted as an Agent and two weeks ago, about how she was feeling so fucking lost.

But memories of memories are easier to put away, and much like her locker that held Detective Loki, her sister’s, much more ornate and much larger, she put those memories of memories away.

Her bag was hanging off her form lazily and her hair was done just enough to be presentable. By no means was she falling apart, but she was working. Working hard meant she lost focus on other parts of herself. It meant she had zeroed in on certain aspects of the case. Like how all of the individuals abducted had been on the same phone carrier, Radius, or how the TV was a model made by the company Source that had been discontinued three years ago, but at the time had been beyond revolutionary. Even now it was considered brilliant. She had found no traces of the nerve agent were discovered at the scene which meant they were probably injected with the pure form. Which meant someone had a lot of it.

Her theories meant that this man was not just dangerous but he had resources. He had access to things that people shouldn’t have access to and maybe he worked with Radius? Had access to their systems? The generator powering the church had been a Source item as well, meaning both were connected. Who used Source and Radius?

The precinct was still somewhat quiet, at 8am, slightly later than yesterday. Shift change had taken place and the detectives were still filtering in. Except for Detective Loki who was hunched at his desk, a long sleeved, form fitting black shirt on his form and black pants hanging off his hips. He looked sleek. Dangerous, even. She could see how someone might fall for someone like him.

Placing her bag down in the conference room, having actually remembered her coffee traveler this time, she glanced up as one of the cops walked in with a box, “Agent Y/L/N, this was left here about an hour ago for you. UPS dropped it off.”

The 2-PAM. She smiled and took it, “Thanks. Kind of nice when things work out like they’re supposed to for once,” she chuckled, curious why the box was so damn light.

The officer left and Y/N looked down, noticing that the label wasn’t stamped ‘FBI’ and in fact the sender name was absent, save for an address in Pennsylvania that didn’t look familiar. Maybe not the FBI?

Her heart suddenly began to race, carefully putting the box down as she looked to the side, seeing Detective Loki still hunched over. The man was on a mission.

Reaching behind herself she withdrew the small switchblade she kept tucked into her waist line, the one that no one ever saw. That was small. Cold and awkward at times but useful. Like now.

Why did this feel like defusing a bomb?

The blade clicked and she carefully began to open the box. She was aware it didn’t matter anymore who touched it, or if she damaged it. She knew whatever was inside the box was key. And with a final tug, the lid opened and she peered inside.

Time stopping had always felt like kind of an exaggeration to Y/N. How does time even ‘stop’? What, does the world freeze? Well, it did.

Staring inside the box she could see the face of a man she knew well, a man who cradled her soul and her heart and sang brilliant love songs to her, who had kept her connected to her sister, even in death. The black CD cover with two red forms on it, her sister claimed them red blood cells but said they looked like rose petals.

Her hand was surprisingly steady as she picked up the note inside, reading the immaculate cursive written on some kind of specialty papyrus paper, “My deepest sympathies, Agent. Your triumph through tragedy only enhances your beauty.”

And with that, she ran for the plastic trash bin nearby and fell to it, retching hard as she threw up the entire contents of her breakfast, causing the box, the note, and the Peter Gabriel CD with Heroes on it to tumble to the floor.

Immediately David heard the noise and jumped, running inside the room as the precinct suddenly jumped to life, turning to take in the scene. The note, CD, and box were on the floor and Y/N was kneeling by the small, cheap plastic trash bin puking.

“What the fu-” David was almost able to spit the words out before a strangely animalistic sound came from her lips, screaming into the bin that she had already emptied the contents of her stomach into.

The world grew quiet as the scream died down, leaving Y/N on her knees with her eyes closed, knuckles white as she gripped the bin as though it were the only thing keeping her alive right now. Stable. Present. Here.

“Get me gloves and bags for the items, now!” David yelled out, to no one in particular as he knelt by the woman in a kind of distress he didn’t know a person could experience from a simple box, “Hey, talk to me, what happened? Are you OK?”

Her face snapped, wiping her lips as she glared, “Do I look OK to you, Detective? Do I fucking look OK?” Her voice was raised, though not yelling.

Snapping back David glared, “Do we need to decontaminate the room? Is there anything infectious?” He looked at her seriously.

Taking a breath her eyes pulled away, “No. No chemicals. But it’s toxic none the less.”

Her voice was quiet as she spoke the words, closing her eyes and trying to forget what she had just seen. Experienced. Felt in her gut. Her soul had been torn forth in that moment and the timing of the CD was so tragically horrifying. For a brief moment of paranoia she wondered if perhaps someone had been able to access her personal phone, heard what she was listening to. The artist. The song.

Getting up rather quickly, Y/N stumbled slightly as she made her way through the people that had clustered, watching as two other detectives came rushing forward with evidence collecting items. Forensics would get it. They’d dust it for fingerprints and they would come up with hers, the delivery driver’s, the handlers at the warehouse… maybe a dozen people. And none would be the culprits. David would direct people to track the package and they would. They’d track it to some nondescript location where cameras weren’t installed and it’d been paid for with cash. She knew it like she knew the songlist on that CD.

Heading for the door of the precinct her head felt light, woozy, and she was struggling for something stable. Something to keep her grounded. Even as she threw open the doors of the building, those glass doors lined with metal, solid as hell, heavy as fuck, she ran out into the bitter air, feeling the cold devour her skin.

More.

She didn’t realize it but she was running now, into the parking lot, David not far behind, though he didn’t exist right now. Her sister’s smile was there, a true memory in its purest form, the smile she had wanted to see last night but didn’t want tainted and tied to this psychopath now.

Unthinking and perhaps uncaring, her hands grabbed at the hem of her sweater, pulling it up and over her head, tossing it to the ground of the parking lot filled only with cars, otherwise without a soul. The air was frigid as it enveloped her and tore her from reality. She gasped as the item fell, leaving her in her form-fitted white t-shirt and jeans alone, able to see her breath as she felt it stopping her from hyperventilating, the cold burning her skin, tearing at her and pulling her out of this other reality.

Once, during training, she had been shot. Not with a real bullet, of course, but shot none the less. A rubber bullet the academy insisted they feel the impact of to know what they might use in certain circumstances. And, perhaps, be prepared for since it’d be similar to a bullet hitting a bulletproof vest. The bullet had been fired by some complete and utter asshole Thomas Engleson, a man who didn’t think women could hack it. He shot her in the ribcage, instead of the stomach. He hit her directly. Not indirectly. And of course he was excused for it.

The pain of the shot had been incredible but she had gritted her teeth and taken it in. A cracked rib meant she was out for a bit, but it didn’t actually stop her. She kept training. Moving. Not exacerbating the damage but doing just enough to keep going. But the pain of that moment had been etched into her body’s memory.

This hurt worse.

Her skin was covered in goosebumps from the cold, beginning to shiver as she stood, perhaps for ten minutes, David standing behind her as he looked at her. This woman unshaken by so much, who had taken in twelve dead bodies and kept going, who took information meant to terrify and had kept pushing. Whatever had been in that note, in that box, had been meant just for her on a level those notes for David never touched.

It felt like an ache, standing in the cold as he watched the woman he had found himself so fond of suddenly pushing out the entire world as though it might infect her. He wanted to grab her sweater, wrap her in it, and pull her close. He’d swear to god he’d get the guy. And he would, even if he didn’t tell her that. He swore as he watched her, that finding this man would be his only task. He wouldn’t sleep. Wouldn’t eat. This was Dover and Birch, but now he was the onve involved. His own life was on the line.

“Do you ever wonder what it feels like to die, David?” The words were loud enough for him to hear, the wind suddenly picking up as she stared ahead to the road leading into the precinct, fairly empty though cars scattered about, the day cloudy and bitter.

He took a moment to consider it. He had. He had wondered once, when the kid in his backseat was frothing at the mouth, if maybe he prayed hard enough her poison would go into his body. He could take it, he thought. Better let the child live. He had seen enough, “Yes.” He answered simply. Now was not the time for banter.

A sort of dark chuckle left her lips, “I used to wonder what it might be like to die. After my sister was killed, I thought it was the only thing left that could actually scare me. The world couldn’t hurt me any more than it did when I was seventeen. I didn’t want to die, I still don’t, but I knew I could face that fear.

“But now? God, David… I wish I was fucking dead.” She fell to her knees so suddenly it caught David by surprise, running to her as he grabbed her sweater, saying ‘fuck it’ to the world as he wrapped his arms around her, pressing her body to his as he tried to finagle a way to keep her sweater on her as well.

No sobs or cries escaped her lips as her body went lax, falling against him as she wondered, perhaps, if maybe just giving in to this would be best. This felt so goddamn dramatic, and maybe it was, but for good reason. This man had found out one of her most intimate details of her life and sent it to her in a box. He had delivered to her a piece of her, and what scared her most was the fact that this man, this murderer, thought he was showing some sort of deranged compassion.

Time seemed to stop and David was grateful for the fact that they were far enough away, and behind most of the cars in the lot, that the world wouldn’t see them like this. He could smell the free, nondescript shampoo offered by the hotel, unsurprised that she wasn’t doused in perfume. But she did smell of something. Her own personal brand of herself. Pushing back some of her hair he spoke, “You can’t go anywhere yet. You can’t possibly trust me to finish this case by myself,” he grinned, stopping himself from pressing his lips against her head.

Chuckling, despite her desire not to, she shook her head, “I sure as hell don’t expect you to solve this alone. You need my theories, Detective Loki. I came up with a bunch last night.” It was tragic in a way, how fast she was working to compartmentalize. Whoever it was that had sent her the letter had done a bang-up job scaring the shit out of her. He had opened the locker that held her sister and emptied the contents without permission. But Y/N was cleaning it up. She was fixing it. In her mind she was already putting herself and all those pieces back together.

Looking confused David pulled away slightly, “Don’t you think you should go get coffee or something? Take a- Ah, fuck, who am I kidding. You’re not listening to me, are you?”

The ghost of a smile crept onto her lips as she raised an eyebrow, looking at David now, “Not really. And I mean, what’s stopping going to do? We both know I’m invested. He… he may have targeted you and those other detectives, and honed onto you, but with me… I’m a happy accident. He picked me. I don’t want to be another body in a church, David,” her eyes changed as she looked at him, suddenly fragile and vulnerable, opening her heart to this man. Detective. The one holding her in the parking lot of the precinct while both tried to put together what they just went through.

Stroking her cheek lightly David whispered, “And you won’t be. You’re gonna get up, put your sweater on, and go back inside. And when everyone looks at you, or asks if you’re OK, you’re not gonna smile or fake it, you stare at them. Through them. None of them matter now. Not a single soul inside. We’re gonna find this asshole, and we’re gonna stop him. Now get up.”

He pulled away, nothing truly romantic in the gesture but one that broke her just the same. They were words that felt charged with something more than a pep talk, but instead felt like a true demand. David understood she wasn’t some person who just fell over because they were pushed. She’d stumble. She’d fall. And he knew she could get right back up and go back to bat. And as she stood, David doing the same, he watched her eyes as she put the sweater on. Something had changed, briefly, something else. Something oddly dark that he couldn’t put his finger on, but understood she perhaps needed. The same thing he had needed in his time.

Turning her back to him, Y/N made her way back towards the precinct, her feet marching with purpose, her eyes focused, laser focused, as she understood what this was. This man chose people. Always. He had a reason and a purpose and it was never an accident. He had found the CD she brought to her sister’s grave (though she suspected it wasn’t the same one), he had written a detailed note, and he had found the one thing in this world she was still so very vulnerable to.

Now she was going to find him.

( @escapingthoughtsandsecrets @is-it-madness @detecellie @oscarflysaac @peccobagnaia @fgtakbrjbdl​ @doritosandavocados​ @miss-missing-patd​

[lonestarpost]

Episode Review - 2100 Degrees

by @lonestarbabe

9-1-1 Lone Star’s second episode of its second season, 2100°,  presents viewers an unfathomable disaster. A highly-promoed volcanic incident gives the original 9-1-1 a serious competitor in its bid for the most outlandish emergency scenario to ever be imagined. Funnily enough, the outrageousness allows the show to combine offbeat humor and character development that culminate in utter heartbreak. While the insane 9-1-1 calls may be the flashy attention-grabbers of the show, it is the character dynamics that make the show most compelling and allow the audience to suspend their disbelief and become invested in the lives of the characters. Thus, the episodes that align their attention around the characters’ lives rather than the emergencies are the most endearing. 2100° puts the characters front and center and allows the emergencies to reflect the concerns and insecurities of the characters, and it wonderfully shows the forged togetherness of the 126 and everyone in their periphery.

The episode begins with a pool party that inherently feels more dangerous in a COVID-19 world, even before the party turns into a flesh-melting horror show commences. The pool becomes the first volcanic hot spot viewers see, and the irresponsible partygoers start to live out their worst volcanic nightmares. The next scene cuts to eight hours before the party. The 126 is having a party of their own to celebrate Owen being in remission from his cancer. The event is made comical with a tumor cake that T.K. had gotten made to look like scans of Owen’s tumor. It’s no doubt an ugly cake, inscribed with the words “Tumor Slayer,” but the gesture shows how the 126 has built a family and how they have become even closer since we saw them meet way back in season 1. Cheesy tumor jokes are shared in jubilance, but there’s undeniable darkness that still looms. Owen sets the tone of the episode when he says, “I am both repulsed and moved.”

Hints of what is to come in future episodes are shown through casual moments. Carlos not-so-artfully dodges T.K.’s inquiry about meeting Carlos’ parents, Tommy sits alone and shows the insecurities she has about coming back to the job, and Owen broods rather than enjoying the party. Gwyneth tries to get Owen to not bottle things up (referring likely to their past relationship issues). Things are looking up, but there’s still a sense of unease that follows viewers into the next scene, which features a young family. They’re having a fun day at Paradise Family Fun Center. The dad seems to be in good spirits as he plays mini-golf, but his wife mentions that he is tense. Just like Owen, he is bottling his feelings up. He’s set over the edge when he misses the shot for mini golf, and it’s revealed that the family is “officially broke.” As the husband boils over, his wife is understanding. You can see the tension drop from the husband’s shoulder, but before the moment can get too comfortable, in true Lone Star fashion, the man falls into a steamy pit. This scene furthers the sense of urgency that suggests the 126 shouldn’t get too comfortable— the world is too unpredictable for comfort.

The 126 rescues the man with Marjan diving into action without waiting a beat, and while tending to the family, Tim makes a dangerous promise to a child that “Nobody is going to die today.” The minute the words are out of his mouth, it’s clear he’s said the wrong thing. Tommy scolds him about it, telling him that he wanted to make himself feel better by reassuring the child, but just scenes later, she makes similar promises to her eight-year-old twins. She feels guilty, knowing it’s never good to make promises that she can’t guarantee. She’s self-aware of her actions, and the guilt begins to spike. She is doubting her role as a leader, and she wonders if she can balance her work and family life, which is a reoccurring theme for the new character. Gina Torres excellently shows the conflict the character faces in a way that feels subtle but poignant.

Grace gets one of her few moments in the episode when a young woman named Lily is stuck in a comedically named food truck called Guac and Roll that sells vegan Tex-Mex. She is surrounded by both scorpions and lava. Yikes! Grace thinks quickly, and she’s an expert at keeping a reassuring voice as she goes through options until she finds one that works. Grace sounds so in control that it would be easy to lose track of how smartly she manages emergencies. Grace helps Lily create a dressing concoction to get the scorpions to scramble until Carlos comes and escorts Lily out.  Seeing Carlos, however briefly, always makes a scene better, and he and Grace make a pretty great team.

Back at the pool, nice girl, Elise, has badly burned herself by trying to save a jerk, who had mocked Elise for her looks, saying that she is a “Waco four.” A nicer young man, who pines for Elise, is hit by volcanic debris, which draws the attention of Tommy and Nancy. Elise and the young man are taken to safety, but the chaos only increases for the 126. Tim tends to a young man, Spence, and despite Spence’s pleading for reassurance, Tim refuses to promise that Spence will be okay, learning from his past mistakes. Unfortunately, it is at this time his words come back to haunt him. The words “Nobody’s dying today,” feel especially ominous as the volcanic debris strikes Tim and kills him right there and then. The show doesn’t take the time to even try to save him, which makes his death blink and you miss it. The speed of the tragedy shows how quickly life can take a turn for the worse, and it adds to the helpless feelings the 126 collectively has in the following scenes because they were powerless to save Tim, but they still regret that they hadn’t found a way to save him.

The final quarter of the show is fittingly dedicated to the initial grief that the team is feeling. They are despondent, and Nancy especially expresses guilt over leaving Tim. They had no choice but to leave him, and Judd’s words, “There was nothing left to work on, Nancy,” feel like a big, volcanic boulder through the viewers’ hearts. The small gestures between the 126 show the skill of the actors and the closeness of the team.  Marjan grounds T.K. with a hand on his shoulder. Judd passes Marjan a pillow after clutching it himself (just as he did when he clutched the pillow in therapy back in episode 2). Judd, incredibly familiar with the pain of losing members of his team, is a voice of reassurance and strength in the ending scenes, and this shows how much he has grown. He tells Tommy that she has added to her family, which reiterates the idea that while they have all lost so much, the 126 is still family. Prompted by Judd’s words, Tommy apologizes to Nancy for her loss, and then changes her words to say, “our loss.” You can feel in this moment, as she comforts Nancy, that Tommy is becoming more integrated into the group whereas before these episodes she only really knew Judd and Grace.

The final moments show how each of the 126 and their family members are coping with the loss. The song Hallelujah makes the scene even more heartbreaking and the startling beauty and horror of the falling ashes sets the tone of the montage. You can feel the grief of each of the characters, but there are moments of intimacy and love between the intense sorrow (and these connections make these final moments all the more painful for the viewers). These moments are some of the best images in the entire show, and they evoke so many feelings without having to overact the grief that the characters are feeling. These moments feel resigned, and the helplessness they all face is tangible. All they can do is search for the parts of their life that give them meaning and reprieve from their feelings of loss.

In these moments, Owen pets Buttercup and talks to Gwyneth about what has happened. He sits outside, after just recovering from lung cancer, and breathes in volcanic ash as he drinks tequila in a way that feels unhealthy. His survivor’s guilt from 9/11 is still strong, showing that loss doesn’t just go away over time. Marjan and Paul are together, and Marjan tearfully boxes with Paul. Mateo goes on a lone run, and you can imagine the dialogue that’s going on in his head— the pained thought that he is always in trouble. The guilt that naturally comes with such thoughts is probably intense. He runs to a church, halting in front of it as the song starts to reach its crescendo. He’s looking for meaning, and it is no coincidence that he is the one character who has no companionship in those moments. Tommy, meanwhile, tends to Buster, Tim’s kitty, who she has brought into her own family. The moment shows immense progress for Tommy, and it only took her one episode to make such large strides.

In one of the most powerful moments of the episode, we see T.K. entering Carlos’ apartment. He climbs up the stairs before falling into Carlos’ waiting arms; this instant is a glimpse of the intimacy that viewers have been wanting to see between the characters. It is a brief but painful moment. Echoing the scene between Carlos and T.K., Judd goes home to Grace, who is waiting in bed; she is still awake and pulls Judd closer. They have each other, and that is a small comfort. Judd’s face is filled with all the memories and sorrow that he has gone through in such a short time. He doesn’t close his eyes. It will be a sleepless night for everyone.

The episode was beautifully paced, and it showed the bond between the team. It emphasized relationships between characters over plots, and the balance between the characters felt more balanced. 9-1-1 Lone Star is making good progress with its characters and learning how to balance the large cast of characters. Nevertheless, the show still has work to do to make sure that the diverse characters are not objectified or ignored. Too often, characters like Grace and Carlos are used merely as puppets in other characters’ stories. For example, while Carlos was expertly played by Rafael Silva in this episode, his appearances were brief, and when he did appear, he furthered other people’s storylines, particularly T.K’s.  The future for these often neglected characters looks promising, however, and the show will make great improvements if they learn to incorporate all the core characters better. 2100° shows both the progress that 9-1-1 Lone Star needs to make, but it also

[dumbsnakefan]

Thou Shalt Love

Chapter 2: In You I Take Refuge

A/N: This took longer than expected but here it is! Also, if you want me to tag you in the next chapter please let me know!

Hidden away in a small Inn in a town surrounded by only nature, Nea watched over Allen’s prone figure. A thin layer of sweat covered his nephew’s body from exertion. His mind still tried to fight the inevitable of his awakening. Well, Nea supposed that Allen was too stubborn to ever give in so easily. Not that it wouldn’t make a difference in the end. The Noah memories were like an unrestrained storm as they tore into the brain.

Letting out an aggravated sigh Nea said to himself, “Why did that bastard Cross have to die on me like that? He always manages to piss me off.” His eye twitched as he remembered the debts the man had hoisted upon his former host. Despite all his hatred for the General there were too many questions left unanswered. From what Timcanpy had shown him Allen had forgotten everything. What’s more, he had gotten younger. It was like trying to put together a puzzle without most of the pieces.

Had Cross not had answers for that at least Nea could have used his magical skills. That four eyed idiot had done something strange and outside his own abilities. As best he could figure, however, their “separation” hadn’t accounted for the Noah gene. He could laugh if not for the absolute mess of it all.

There was something strange about this memory as well. It was like none of the others as far as he could tell. Allen’s inner Noah was swaddling him in a thorny embrace, like a babe in need of protection. Compared to his own, a destructive thing that had him clawing at his skin in agony, it was soft. Nea felt an urge to pull his nephew close and never let go again. The strangeness of Allen’s memory was oddly fitting.

Lacking any new information to dissect Nea could only move on to other things. Specifically how the Noah family would react to this. Like Nea they had to have felt the surge of a new memory breaking into the world. They would want to pull him away from the dreaded 14th as soon as they could, lest he “corrupt” their new brother. A smile stretched across Nea’s lips as he swore to keep his dearest friend by his side.

What a family reunion they’d be having. If Mana had any real sanity left Nea would have liked to share one last tender moment before the end. Fate and that detestable God were not so kind as to give any Noah such a merciful gift though. They would forever seek to destroy them for being in the way. Should Nea succeed he would put an end to their farce. His brother would be freed at long last.

Keeping Allen far away from this whole affair was very important. The attachment he’d formed with Mana could turn into a crushing weight when the truth was revealed. Those bonds of father and son were already so entangled with tragedy; Nea wouldn’t let another disaster play out. Mana’s insanity could drag them all down if left unchecked.

From what Timcanpy had shown of Allen’s time as Red, his brother had been attached at the hip with him. Nea knew that he’d forgotten it all just by the way he treated his nephew. That didn’t mean that Mana wasn’t drawn to him, oh no. Even when not a wisp of Nea’s presence had been visible the Earl had targeted Allen. Drawn like a moth to a flame, they circled each other. Now under the calming lull of the Noah memory inside Allen Mana would chase him wholeheartedly.

Then there was the other Noah to consider. Road and Joyd seemed to have the strongest bond with Allen of the family. While the others weren’t as close, they all appeared interested when interacting with him. Being a true part of the family could only grow their connection. It made Nea sick just thinking about it. The need to keep Allen close and out of their grubby hands echoed from his own Noah.

Wasn’t keeping Allen by his side the best way to make sure he was safe? Those disgusting roaches that scuttled about the Order were still searching for Allen. Nea had seen how easily they had hurt their beloved comrade. All throughout the past Timcanpy had shown Nea there had been pain. His nephew’s past was a constant spiral of suffering. Taking him away from the world that was so ready to tear him apart could only be a kindness.

Tension had built to a boiling point in Nea’s body and he forced himself to release it. In an attempt to calm down he scouted closer to the bed. A new bead of blood pooled along Allen’s stigmata that Nea wiped away. Unconsciously he pushed into the contact. Warmth bloomed in Nea’s chest. Seeing his dearest friend like this, utterly peaceful, was something he’d truly missed.

His senses registered the Noah memory shift from it’s dormant state and Nea braced for another wave of pain. More blood flowed down from Allen’s forehead as he became restless. The once lax expression of sleep twisted in pain. That’s when the screaming started, scratching Allen’s throat raw. It was hard not to wince at the sheer volume of his screams.

As the screams faded out Nea felt a new presence join them. Annoyed and reluctant to leave Allen’s side Nea turns to face the intruder. Standing before him is the Demon Eye, expression a mask of indifference. Rage so obviously simmers behind the facade but Nea finds it as threatening as a wet kitten.

His smile is packed full of malice as he says, “Didn’t know they’d let you come alone to see me kid.” The twitch of annoyance from Wisely’s reincarnation is so sweet. “You’d think with how easily I killed you last time you would all be a bit more careful.” Bloodlust oozes off Nea in waves, making the air thick with it.

Only when Allen’s scream rise back up does he stop. Nea is so tempted to return to his side to comfort him. The possibility of an attack is what holds him back. Wisely would be more than happy to slit his throat and take Allen away for good; or at least attempt to. There was no way Nea would give him that kind of opening.

“Would it kill you to be nicer, dearest 14th? I’m here to give you some friendly advice after all.” The moniker has Nea gnashing his teeth. He knows that smug bastard is enjoying himself. What an asshole.

Tilting his head Wisely says, “Like you’re one to talk. You really hold the title of world's biggest asshole.” Of course the little creep was reading his mind. Even in his new life Wisely refused to learn what privacy means.

Moving closer to the other Noah, Nea glares down with cold eyes. “Cut this bullshit and tell me why you’re really here.”

“We won’t let you keep him from us.” The brat dares to step closer to Allen and Nea watches him like a hawk for a single misstep. “You can’t hide no matter how hard you try. Someday soon we’ll bring our brother home, where he belongs.”

Something in Nea snaps. Anger grips his heart like a vice. Unwilling and unable to hold back, he shoots towards Wisely. His hand wraps around the bastard's neck. Blood drips from where his fingernails bite into WIsely’s skin as Nea squeezes his windpipe. The choked panic gives him no satisfaction. Painting the walls red with his blood is what he needs now.

His grip tightens, drawing a wheeze from the pathetic Noah. “He’s mine. Allen is mine.” Nea says with unhinged glee. “You can never take him from me. I’ll kill every single one of you if you try.”

It’s only when a burst of stabbing pain sweeps over Nea’s mind that he returns to reality. He let’s go reluctantly, Wisely falling at his feet. Such a shame he couldn’t kill him, but Nea is patient. Now is not the right time to crush Wisely beneath his foot. Later he’ll make sure to make his end painful.

Between satisfying coughing fits Wisely manages to bite out, “Ru-Road said to, guh, give you a warning for old t-times sake.” The venom behind the glare he gives Nea is almost impressive. “Shouldn’t have listened to her. You deserve to watch as your world crumbles around you and you fail.” It makes him laugh, the thought that Nea would lose to the likes of him.

Wisely’s face twists up in amusement. Nea keeps himself in check as he moves towards Allen. Fighting this close to Allen could only end in disaster. Even as the rat bastard patted his nephew’s head he held back. Truly, his restraint was worthy of the highest praise.

“I can’t wait to see what our new brother is capable of. He was already such an interesting human...” The little shit was lost in his own mind as he brushed hair off Allen’s forehead. It’s a herculean effort on Nea’s behalf to stay his hand. Perhaps killing him was worth the risk after all?

However, what Wisley said next stopped him dead in his tracks. “I do wonder why the Earl is already so attached to Allen?” What? No, this can’t possibly be happening; it’s too early. “I knew that you’d have answers. There’s something slipping just outside my reach, no matter how hard I search.”

Desperately Nea snaps his mind shut to leave only unrelated drivel in its wake. He needs to throw the Demon Eye Noah off his scent. Now. “Why don’t you ask Mana yourself?” The wince he gets is a good sign. Raising his voice and stepping into Wisley’s space Nea tells him, “Now get out of my sight.”

Gold meets gold as they assess each other for weakness. Finding nothing, Wisley moves to finally leave them be. With every step Nea feels better. On the threshold of the door, however, he turns back. Body going tense Nea prepares for whatever the creep plans to throw his way next.

“Before I go, you might want to find a new hiding place. There are some Akuma out there who aren’t very good a t playing nice.” An Explosion rocks the building, punctuating his statement. The string of curses that Nea lets out would have a sailor blushing. “Hope you enjoy yourself 14th!” His smug face watches on as Nea fumbles for their things. The Ark gate behind him swallows Wisely up but Nea pays it no mind.

Screams fill the air in a terrible crescendo of horror. With Allen out of commision Nea can only run. Scooping up his struggling nephew Nea makes sure Tim grabs their luggage. Ignoring the town below he calls up his own gate and the three disappear from sight. The humans left behind in that remote town are mowed down with mercy. Chaos creeps around every corner and the scent of blood blankets the air in a red mist. No one will discover the scene of pure carnage until weeks later.