#its a special if especially cringe part of my childhood

[23-tiny-wishes]

“Man decays, his corpse is dust. All his kin have perished; But a book makes him remembered through the mouth of its reciter.” - The Immortality of Writers (Papyrus Chester Beatty IV)

Thank you for everything, Kazuki Takahashi ☆

[pizzazz-party]

Part 3: Ring’s Biology and Possible Origins

In the world of Ring Fit Adventure, there exist monsters, ghosts, cyborgs, robots, gods, a curious array of animals, human beings of enormous size…and Ring. Ring—a creature so entirely unique, he fails to fit into any of those categories.

Everyone has their own idea as to what Ring is, and as to where he came from. So here’s mine.

(Spoilers for the end of the main storyline. Various postgame dialogue spoilers beyond that.)

If we’re going to talk about where Ring might have come from, it makes sense to look for clues in what he’s presented as. Physically, and subtextually. So let’s take it from the top.

Stepping away from the confines of the game, Ring’s shape is based off a Pilates ring, a piece of exercise equipment who’s history dates back to nearly a century ago, as of the game’s release. It was invented to help rehabilitate wounded soldiers through physical therapy following World War I. Design-wise, though…Ring’s face draws heavy inspiration from depictions of Ancient Inca art. Specifically, he looks a lot like the figure atop this ceremonial tumi knife.

The prominent nose. The familiar jawline. A headpiece bisecting the brow. The blue commonly set into the eyes of the art. The ears—heavy earrings were unisex among the Inca nobility, resulting in long, stretched lobes. But most importantly—the statue is gold. And in the ancient Inca Empire, gold was revered as being sweat from the very sun itself. Metal nowadays is often associated with machinery, with invention. But raw metal has always been a fruit of the earth, as natural as any wood or leaf. The Inca took it a step further. They thought of gold as mystical.

Likewise, Ring’s design is meant to invoke these traits. Despite being made of metal, Ring visibly lacks gears or wiring or nozzles or hatches. His mouth may have a hinge and his flaming little hair piece may spin around. But in terms of “build,” Ring (the magical metal donut) has more in common with Pinocchio (the magical wooden puppet), than with an actual machine.

On a surface level, Ring really is best described as a “magical creature.” He’s obviously not made of flesh and blood. But he’s alive in a way that the closest comparison—sentient robots—just aren’t. Ring sweats, breathes, sleeps, eats. He ages. His metal face flexes and grows and shrinks as he speaks. Ring wields exercise energy, much in the same way that humans do, and more. He crafts, enhances, and stores things with it. Its raw essence flows through him like a fiery kind of lifeblood.

Ring’s not a human or a cyborg. He’s not a monster or a ghost or an animal. He’s made of metal like a robot, and that’s about it. And while Ring may (presumably) have the long life of a god, he lacks everything else. Right down to the proper shape and abilities. Ring, whatever the specifics, is a “magical creature” that exists in a class of his own. We never ever meet another being quite like him.

…At least. That’s what I used to think.

———

The thing with Ring is, it’s hard to tell whether he’s actively omitting facts or just forgetting them. He’s got a terrible memory. But he also as good as lies to us in the beginning, pretending as though Dragaux’s just some enemy to him.

So here is what I understand.

We meet Ring, and he and Dragaux are positioned as these perfect opposites, as perfect enemies. Ring builds others up, and Dragaux tears them down. Dragaux is flashy, an eyesore, the purple to Ring’s yellow, and yet he steals the stage every time. He’s a jerk, but he’s Ring’s jerk. We show up to every boss fight because we are invested in his story, his opinions, his downward spiral.

And that’s our first mistake, really. Because Dragaux’s accent color isn’t purple, it’s pink. Because Dragaux’s opposite isn’t Ring, it’s Trainee. And Ring’s real foil was never Dragaux, but Dark Influence itself.

———

Have you ever thought about how strange it is, this particular parasite. From a narrative standpoint, I mean. As much as it’s referred to as “Dragaux’s influence” or “Dragaux’s aura,” Dragaux is only its latest meal, not its source. And that meal has been lasting anywhere from decades to a century, at least. Dark Influence is, by nature, negativity incarnate. It could be as old as the hills. Older, maybe.

Dark Influence is voiceless, faceless. A parasite composed of pure negative exercise energy, it can theoretically exist on its own. But it thrives best when entrenched in the heart of a host. Its host—a physical creature that, once ensnared, starts exhibiting traits that belong to the Influence: like great swathes of flame in its signature color.

Does that not sound. Familiar.

Because Ring and Dark Influence? Fulfill eerily similar roles, in regards to their syncing partners.

Both of them harness their partner’s exercise energy. Both of them augment the abilities of their partner. But unlike Ring, who’s always actively helping Trainee in precise and creative ways…Dark Influence doesn’t care. I’m not sure if it can give a care about anything that doesn’t include “amassing power” and “spreading itself.” (And I think those are just instincts. I’ve yet to see proof that this thing has anything approaching a complex personality.) But whether or not it cares about Dragaux, it’s fully anchored within his body. It shares its strength with him because there’s nowhere else to store it.

Because unlike Ring, Dark Influence lacks a physical body of its own.

And that thought. How it “lacks” a body. Just sort of stuck around in my head. Because it’s funny, isn’t it? That Ring speaks and this thing doesn’t. That Dark Influence, this wildfire, is so strong and potent and infectious while Ring’s inner flames are so small and orderly and self-contained.

And then I started thinking about coins. Isn’t it funny, that they’re shaped like little rings. Isn’t it funny, that they sometimes just. Spring out of the ground.

How does a free-to-play gym turn a profit. How do all of these gyms, turn a profit.

If NPCs canonically collect coins on their travels just like Trainee… If someone isn’t just throwing away buckets of money into the mountains and rivers and skies… if golden little rings can just spring into existence alongside someone as they’re jogging…

What if it’s not a quirk. What if it’s not just a game mechanic.

What if everything—the coins, the EXP medals, the treasure chests with Ring’s face on them—what if they’re all byproducts that occur when a physical place is saturated with high amounts of foot traffic. With high amounts of exercise energy. People in Ring Fit Adventure constantly expel this stuff as they jog or work out or engage in fit battles. They don’t really direct it anywhere after its release. It just kind of gets absorbed into their surroundings. I always assumed that it helped make the land so lush and pretty, but what if it doesn’t stop there. What if, when large quantities of it gather, exercise energy naturally builds up and condenses itself into permanent, physical solids.

And I thought of Ring. Of the coins that are shaped like him. Of the medals that eerily share his face. Of the treasure chests especially, the way they scream and run and flex as though alive. (And I thought about Dragaux, who’s canonically brilliant, and how even his best statues fell short of capturing that same quality of animation.) I thought about how all three of these byproducts are golden. Just. Like. Ring.

Something like “dark” influence should have a natural counterpart. It’s a tale as old as time; perfect opposites, perfect enemies. But we never meet the Influence’s other half, do we? Just Ring.

Ring, our buddy, our pal. Ring, who’s a person in every way that matters, with hope and dreams and insecurities. Ring the “magical creature,” who, despite all of this, has more in common with Dark Influence than with any other creature in all of Ring Fit.

———

So here is the heart of my crazy theory.

Ring isn’t “partially” made of energy. He’s all energy, all the way down to his every last piece, whether it flows like a river or shines like a stone. And it could be that a long, long time ago, he existed much in the same way as the Dark Influence we fight in the game: as an unrestrained and formless entity. Not as a ring, but as a bright and brainless swathe of flames.

(Because if Dark Influence is insecurity and self-destruction and decay, balance would dictate its opposite be positivity, self-improvement, rebirth. A dangerously Bright Influence.)

And maybe it was just a natural process that got triggered when the conditions were right. But either way, somehow, someway, this particular Influence reincarnated into a shape that could better interact with people, without overwhelming or eating them. And that most natural shape condensed itself into Ring.

A baby Ring.

———

Even if you don’t buy into the existence of “Bright” Influence, Ring fully being some sort of life energy incarnate answers too many questions. It would explain why Ring is so good at manipulating exercise energy; it’s the most natural extension of himself. It would explain why Ring has the unique ability to sync with people; it’s how he originally used to exist, as life energy drifting in and out of living creatures. It would explain the aging. It would explain why Ring never mentions a parent or creator watching over him during childhood; because he came into this world totally alone. (Baby Ring belonged to no one before he belonged with Baby Drags.)

But Ring’s theoretical past life answers a few more questions. It could explain parts of Ring’s personality, his interests. (His dream of spreading positivity across the land.) It explains why there aren’t ten million Rings floating about, when coins and medals and chests are so relatively common. (Because there’s a key ingredient missing). It actually explains his five special powers. (Because I’m betting Influences have human-related origins. It’s either that, or “live humans being consumed” was part of the “perfect” conditions surrounding Ring’s birth. Which, cringe.) But more than anything, it addresses the sheer power imbalance happening between Ring and Dark Influence right now.

Dark Influence lacks boundaries and spreads itself like a virus, thoughtless and instinctive. Ring’s natural weapon against this thing should be to “infect” it right back. (I would expect some sort of sick light show to dance across Dragaux’s body during battle; yellow flames squaring off against purple.) But it doesn’t work that way. Ring the Person no longer works this way.

If Dark influence is a forest fire, then Ring is a fireplace set behind glass. At their core, these two are both energy. But the modes in which they exist divide them into separate skill sets entirely.

Dark Influence is wildfire of brute strength. It’s got range—in the spatial sense. It can spread to as many secondary hosts as Dragaux directs it to, so long as it’s fed well enough to reach for them. Compared to Ring’s measly one syncing partner, Dark Influence can sink itself into whole regions, can simultaneously feed off of so many people. It doesn’t have outright mind control powers; it’s more subtle than that. But its presence as negativity incarnate naturally works like a magnet to draw out the worst in people. There is nothing it enhances in a person that wasn’t already there, no matter how small the weakness. Coupled with the rush of power it imparts in its vessels, it makes bad decisions feel right. Even to good people. It’s, quite simply, a bad influence. (And then it consumes them.)

But other than that, Dark Influence doesn’t really do much.

Our bud Ring may only be able to light one house at a time, so to speak. But as contained as he is—Ring’s powers are more varied and nuanced, because Ring is more varied and nuanced. He’s always actively (and thoughtfully) applying energy to construct, convert, and amplify. For all its fearsome strength, the only thing Dark Influence can seemingly do on purpose, is feed.

———

(If Ring was once a being like Dark Influence, then that solves the final mystery of synchronization. If Dark Influence “infects” its host by sinking into the body, then Ring syncs with a partner by “planting” a piece of his essence inside them. This is why Trainee’s energy signature changes to mimic Ring’s; because she now carries a part of him in her beating heart. This is why Ring can freely access her energy; because this makes her a part of him now, too.)

———

So. Let’s pretend I’m not crazy. Say that all of these little details I’ve collected were intentionally laid out by the game developers. Say I’m correct, and that Ring really is, essentially, the child of Dark Influence’s greatest natural enemy.

The real question is: how self aware is Ring about all of this.

Because unfortunately, Ring not knowing his own backstory could be pretty on-brand for him. I love Ring, but from his point of view, it really could be that he just appeared one day, somehow—as an entirely clean slate. “Dark” or “bright,” these entities are brainless. Literally. No body means no brain. They can’t store memories, so they don’t have memories. Just energy.

Ring must know that he’s made from energy, too. He might even think of himself as one very lucky byproduct. But if this is really what Ring used to be (if there��s even a shadow of a chance that his predecessor used to eat people), then he might not know the full extent of his own story.

And maybe that’s for the best. I can’t imagine him choosing to get close to people otherwise. He loves people, cares so much about every single silly soul that he meets.

This would hurt him.

———

Whatever Ring’s origins may be, whatever he might have once been (if he’s ever been anything else at all)… I do know one thing. And it’s that I prefer him prefer him just the way he is.

Weird comments about my sweat aside, I wouldn’t have him any other way.

———

TL;DR: Our bud Ring has more in common with Dark Influence than with any other creature in all of Ring Fit.

If a flaming entity of negative energy can exist, then why not one made of positive energy? If positive energy condenses into permanent solids naturally and often…if Ring is made of positive energy…if Ring has more in common with Dark Influence than with anything else in this game…

Who’s to say that Ring himself, wasn’t once a flaming yellow mass of energy.

———

This marks the end. I could run wild with all the implications this theory leaves in its wake. But I’ve made my point. I’ve found every answer I was looking for. And they may not have been the answers I was expecting (or even wanting), but they’ve satisfied me all the same.

I’m done. Believe what you will.

Thanks for reading, and for sticking with me all this way. It’s been real.

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DISCLAIMER: My name is Pizzazz and I take this game way too seriously. This is all for fun! At the time of this post, I am on World 36 of the post game. I feel pretty strongly about my conclusions, but I’ll go back and edit this if/when/where applicable.

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RING ANALYSIS

Part 1: Synchronizing—How it Works and What It Tells Us About Ring

Part 2: Ring’s Powers—And What They All Have In Common

Part 3: Ring’s Biology and Possible Origins

[him-e]

what did you think of shadow and bone? have you read the books? i only read the duology

Thoughts on Shadow and Bone, now that you've probably seen it?

I think the show is alright? It lacks a real wow factor as far as I’m concerned, but it’s enjoyable. It’s especially enjoyable in those parts I didn’t anticipate to like / didn’t even know would be there. 

Whereas the main selling points leave a lot to be desired.

The good stuff: the visuals. The aesthetic. The overall concept. Production, casting and costumes are excellent, the setting is fascinating. The worldbuilding isn’t perfect and is sometimes confusing, which is probably due to the show jumping ahead of the books and introducing elements that happen much later in the book saga, but I’m loving the vague steampunk-y vibe of it mixed with more typical fantasy stuff and slavic-inspired lore, the fact that it’s set in dystopian Russia rather than your usual ye olde England.

I find it interesting that in this ‘verse the Grisha are simultaneously superstars, privileged elite, legendary creatures and despised outcasts, according to the context and the type of magic they wield. It’s A Lot, and so far it’s all a bit underdeveloped and messy, like a patchwork of different narratives and tropes sewn together without an organic worldbuilding structure. (there are hints to a past when they were hunted, but how did they go from that to being, essentially, an institutionalized asset to the government isn’t clear yet. There’s huge narrative potential in this, and I hope future seasons will delve into those aspects)

Many of the supporting characters are surprisingly solid. I appreciated that Genya and Zoya eventually sort of traded places, subverting the audience’s assumptions about them and their own character stereotypes, despite the little screentime they were given.

Breakout characters/ships for me were Nina/Matthias, and even more so the Crows, i.e. the stuff I didn’t see coming and knew nothing about (having only read the first book). (I thought the entire Crows subplot was handled in a somewhat convoluted way, at least in the first episodes; it was hard to keep track of who wanted Alina and why, but the Crows’ chemistry is so strong it carried the whole Plot B on its shoulders).

HELNIK. As an enemies to lovers dynamic, Helnik was SUPER on the nose, I’d say bordering on clichéd with the unapologetic, straight outta fanfiction use of classic tropes like “we need to team up to survive” and “there’s only one bed and we’ll freeze to death if we don’t take our conveniently damp clothes off and keep each other warm with the heat of our naked bodies” (not that I’m complaining, but i like to pine for my ships a bit before getting to the juicy tropetown part, tyvm). And then they’re suddenly on opposite sides again because of a tragic misunderstanding - does Bardugo hate high-conflict dynamics? It certainly seems so, because between Helnik and Darklina I’m starting to see a pattern where the slow burn and blossoming mutual trust is rushed and painted in broad, stereotypical strokes to get as fast as possible to the part where they *hate each other again* and that’s... huh. Something.

^That’s probably why I’m almost more interested in Kaz x Inej, because their relationship feels a bit more nuanced, a bit more mysterious, and a bit more unpredictable. (I didn’t bother spoiling myself about them, so I really don’t know where they’re going, but it’s refreshing to see a dynamic that the narrative isn’t scrambling to define in one direction or the other as quickly as possible)

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Now, as for Darklina VS Malina... I found exactly what I expected. 

Both are ship dynamics I’m, on principle, very much into (light heroine/dark villain, pining friends to lovers) but both are also much less interesting than they claim to be, or could have been with different narrative choices. I’ll concede that the show characters are all more fleshed out and likable than their book counterparts, and the cringe parts I vaguely remembered from the books played out differently. And, well, Ben Barnes dominates the scene, he’s hot as HELL, literally every single second he’s on screen is a fuck you to Bardugo’s attempts to make his character lame and uninteresting and I’m LOVING it, lol.

But yeah, B Barnes aside, Darklina is intrinsically, deliberately made to be unshippable. 

It makes me mad, because it’s - archetypally speaking - made of shipping dynamite: yin/yang-sun and moon, opposites attract, COMPLEMENTARY POWERS AND SO ON. And what does Bardugo do with these ingredients? A FUCKING DELIBERATE DISASTER:

^ Placing the kiss so early on (season 1, episode five) effectively kills the romantic tension that was (correctly) building up until that point, and leaves the audience very little to still hope for, in terms of emotional evolution of the dynamic. 

Bardugo lays all the good stuff down as early and quickly as possible (the bonding, the conflicted attraction, the recognizing the other as one’s equal, etc) only to turn the tables and pull the rug so y’all sick creepyshippers won’t have anything to look forward to, because THEY’VE ALREADY HOOKED UP AND THAT BELONGS TO THE PAST, IT’S OVER, THEY’RE ENEMIES. This, combined to the fact that she falls for him *without* knowing who he really is, is the opposite of what I want from a heroine/villain ship (it’s basically lovers to enemies, and while that can be valid too, I wanted to see more pining and more prolonged, tormented symbolic attraction to the Shadow/Animus on Alina’s part). 

But here’s the trick: it’s not marketed as lovers to enemies - it has all the aesthetics and trappings of an enemies to lovers (the Darkling is, from the get go, villain-presenting, starting from his name), so it genuinely feels like a trollfic, or at the very least a cautionary tale *against* shipping the heroine with the tall dark brooding young villain, and I don’t think it’s cool at all. It makes the story WAY less interesting, because it humanizes the villain early on (when it’s not yet useful or poignant to the story, because it’s unearned) but it’s a red herring. The real plot twist is that the villain shouldn’t be sympathized with, just defeated: there’s a promise of nuanced storytelling, that is quickly denied and tossed aside. So is the idea of incorporating your Shadow (a notion that Bardugo must be familiar with, otherwise she wouldn’t have structured Alina and the Darkling as polar opposites who complement each other, but that she categorically refutes)

Then we have Malina. The good ship.

Look, I’m not that biased against it. I don’t want to be biased on principle against a friends to lovers dynamic that antagonizes a heroine/villain one, because every narrative is different, and for personal reasons I can deeply relate to the idea of being (unspeakably) in love with your best friend. So there are aspects of Malina that I can definitely be into, but it troubles me that in this specific context it’s framed as a regression. It’s Alina’s comfort zone, a fading dream of happiness from an idealized childhood, to sustain which the heroine systematically stunts her growth and literally repressed her own powers, something that in the books made her sickly and weak. But the narrative weirdly romanticizes this codependency, often making her tunnel vision re: going back to Mal her primary goal and centering on him her entire backstory/motivation, to the point that when she starts acting more serious re: her powers and alleged mission to destroy the Fold, it feels inorganic and unearned. 

Mal is intrinsically extraneous to Alina’s powers, he doesn’t share them, he doesn’t understand them, he has little to offer to help her with them, and so the feeling is that he’s also extraneous to her heroine’s journey, aside from being a sort of sidekick or safe harbor to eventually come back to. People have compared him to Raoul from Phantom of the Opera, and yeah, he has the same ~magic neutralizer~ vibe, tbh.

The narrative also polarizes Mal’s normalcy and relative “safety” against Aleksander’s sexy evil, framing Alina’s quasi-platonic fixation on the former as a better and purer form of love than her (much more visible and palpable) attraction to the latter. This is exacerbated by the show almost entirely relying on scenes of them as kids to convey their bond. I’m sure there are ways to depict innocent pining for your best friend that don’t involve obsessively focusing on flashbacks of two CHILDREN running in a meadow and looking exactly like brother and sister. LIKE. I get it, they’re like soulmates in every possible way, BUT DO THEY WANT TO KISS EACH OTHER?

Which brings me to a general complain: for a young adult saga centering on a young heroine and full of so many hot people, this story is weirdly unsexy? There are a lot of shippable dynamics, but they’re done in such a careless, ineffective way that makes ZERO EFFORT to work on stuff like slow burn, pining and romantic tension, and when it does it’s so heavy handed that the viewer doesn’t feel encouraged at all to fill the blanks with their imagination and start anticipating things (which is, imo, the ESSENCE of shipping). The one dynamic that got vaguely close to this is, again, Kaz and Inej, and coincidentally it’s also the one we didn’t get confirmed as romantic YET. Other than that, where’s the slow burn? What ship am I supposed to agonize over during the hiatus to season two? Has shipping become something to feel ashamed of, like an embarrassing relative you no longer want to invite in your home?

Anyway, back to Alina/Darkling/Mal, this is how the story reads to me:

girl suspects to be special, carefully pretends to be normal so she can stay with Good Boy

the girl’s powers eventually manifest; she’s forcibly separated from Good Boy

the girl’s powers attract Bad Boy who is her equal and opposite but is also a major asshole

girl initially falls for Bad Boy; has to learn a hard lesson that nobody that sexy will ever want her for who she is, he’s just trying to exploit her

also, no, there is no such thing as a Power Couple

girl is literally given a slave collar by Bad Boy through which he harnesses her power (a parody of the Twin Scars trope)

you know how the story initially suggested that the joint powers of Darkness and Light would defeat evil? LOL NO, Darkness is actually evil itself and the way you destroy evil is using Light to destroy Darkness, forget that whole Jungian bullshit of integrating your shadow, silly!

conclusion: girl realizes being special sucks. She was right all along! Hiding and suppressing her powers was the best choice! She goes back to the start, to the same Good Boy she was meekly pining for prior to the start of the story.

... there’s an uncomfortable overall subtext that reads a lot like a cautionary tale against - look, not just against darkships and villain/heroine pairings, but also *overpowered* heroines and, well... change? Growth?

Like, it’s certainly a Choice that Alina starts the story *already* in love with Mal. That she always knew it was him. The realization could have happened later (making the dynamic much more shippable, too), but no. 

[jojiship]

Fruits Basket Season 1 Reviews

I just want to start this review by saying that this is a very subjective review of the season. This is my personal opinion about the show and I hope whoever reads it enjoys it.

The Story

The whole Sohmas being possessed by Chinese Zodiac animals main plotline is interesting and intriguing. I liked the idea of it from the beginning and honestly, it just kept getting better with each passing episode. As someone who grew up in the Balkans, I have little knowledge about the Chinese Zodiac. I’ve known for years that I was born in the year of the Rabbit, but I was always more interested in my other zodiac sign (I’m a Sagittarius). Either way, I’m enjoying the plotline and it was clear by the end of the season, that’s only to get better from now on.

As for the Sohma family, they’re messed up, to say the least. Of course, I enjoyed it and I want to see more of this family dynamic in the next season. I’m really curious to see more of Akito and his relationship with the family, specifically Yuki. What really bothers me is the whole incestuous feeling I get from the family. Kagura’s crush on Kyo made me cringe so bad, but not only because of the incest, the girl clearly doesn’t know a thing about boundaries. Other than the incest, I loved it.

The Characters

Tohru: I loved Tohru. It’s refreshing to see the main character that is so bubbly, loving, caring and optimistic. Her backstory was somehow heartbreaking and heartwarming to see at the same time. It’s always good to see characters have good relationships with their parents, especially girls with their moms. The girl is trying her best and she deserves the world with what she’s been going through. My only drawback with her is that she doesn’t seem to have flaws. I get that where her character comes and why she is such a good person (I love that of her) but honestly, it gets a bit repetitive to watch. If it continued to be like this, I think the refreshment I feel from her character would vanish and I will start seeing her as boring.  

Yuki: I enjoyed his character a lot. I loved the whole ‘Prince Charming’ thing he has going on. I’m a sucker for characters who are idealized by their peers to the point that they play that part to hide their true self (I literally wrote a character similar to Yuki). He had character progression as the season went on as he started to open up to people, let himself laugh and generally enjoy his life. I’m interested to see his relationship with Akito and what exactly happened to him those years. Akito (he can fight me) abused him during his childhood and most of his issues stem from that. Hopefully, in season two, I’ll get to see more of this.

Kyo: The star of the season. There is no doubt in my mind that he’s my favourite character so far. From the beginning when he was revealed to be the cat of the Zodiac, I knew that I would be interested in his story. An outsider story is something that I always gravitate towards to and his story got me hooked. Did I expect him to have a true form? No. Did I love it? Absolutely. It was obvious that he was keeping a big secret from Tohru, but man, I didn’t expect that. I gasped when he turned to his true form. I loved the scene where Tohru admitted that she is scared by his true form, but still, wanted to be by his side. The best scene of the season and I’m looking forward to seeing how this storyline progresses. Also, his backstory made me sad and I want to hug Kazuma for taking care of him. 

As for the love triangle, I want to say that it’s written very well. The season has ended and I still don’t know if I’m team Yuki or Kyo. Usually, with love triangles, I immediately take a side and I’m annoyed for the rest of the way. However, with these three, I’m curious to see where it goes. What helps is that the love triangle is the main plotline of the show.

Shigure: I desperately want to know more about him. He gives me ‘morally ambiguous’ vibes. I want to see what his goal is and why is he using Tohru to achieve it. There were a few hints here and there, but I want to know more. I want to know all of it. I’m also interested to know more about his relationship with Akito because I’m sure in one episode he said that Akito reaped what he sowed while on the other, he said that he’s doing everything forhim. I have no idea where his intention lies when it comes to Akito. I don’t even know if he’s using Tohru for the ‘greater good’ or for a horrible end-goal. 

Hatori: Man, Hatori took me off guard from his first appearance, personality and backstory. First, he was a very attractive man. I do tend to have a thing for dark-haired male characters and Hatori was no exception. However, that’s not the most interesting part of him. At first, he appeared stoic, serious and cold and unsurprisingly, we saw that he was a very kind and gentle person. His insistence that the Zodiacs shouldn’t be loved or love anyone, was upsetting to see. He just seemed like he had totally given up on living for himself and is just living for others. It’s explained beautifully through his relationship with Kana and its abrupt end. Btw, fuck Akito for doing what he did.

Akito: This asshole... For most of the season, he was a looming presence, yet you could feel that he wasn’t a good presence for any of the Sohmas. It seemed like most of them had their grievances with her for good reasons. What he did to Yuki, Hatori and Kisa was horrible. You could see the trauma that he caused Yuki by just that scene between them. He was terrified by Akito and it’s not surprising from the short flashbacks we’ve got. Can’t wait to learn more about him and for some sweet karma to hit him on the face.

I’m went into more detail about the characters I found the most interesting in this story. Of course, I liked a lot of them like Mumiji (he’s my Zodiac). He was such a fun character and his relationship with his family was heart-wrenching to see. I was tearing up alongside Tohru. Hatsu was fine, nothing special. Uo and Hana were lovely and rich characters, both of their backstories were pleasant to me. Their friendship with Tohru is precious. Honestly, I didn’t like Kagura. I’ve grown tired of violent female characters who know no boundaries and I quickly grew tired of her. I’m sure I would like her way more if she stops having a crush on Kyo. Kisa and Hiro were cute characters as well. (again, it’s so weird that he loves her. They are cousins). Ayame was hilarious to watch and I can’t wait to find out more about Ritsu.

Season 2

I can’t wait to start the second season tomorrow. I urgently need to know more about the Zodiac and the Sohma family dynamic. I desperately want to know Shigure’s true intention, Yuki’s relationship with Akito and to find out how this family got cursed in the first place. I can’t wait to properly meet Rin (As a big fan of Rin Tohsaka, I can’t wait to get to know this Rin as well). Maybe this season I will pick a team when it comes to the love triangle.

Average Score: 8.5

[kamisama-senpai]

Fate The Winx Saga my opinions

Okay so I know 99% of my content is anime stuff but listen, listen I just had to talk about this, like ever since trailer came on yt. So yeah guys today we are gonna talk about Winx club, not this Winx, this...the Netflix adaption, Fate the winx saga. Winx club is literally my childhood, my favourite cartoon. And despite all the criticism that fate got I decided to give it a watch. But don't get me wrong, I agree with criticism, like I was so furious when I first watched the trailer, cuz first the whitewashing, then they kicked Techna out of the show, Flora was replaced by character named Terra, their fashion sucks which is an insult to the original show and don't even get me started on how dark and edgy this is, show is darker than a freaking black hole. There is too many unnecessary drama in my opinion which I will explain further in a minute, but yeah I won't go in details with the criticism cuz there is so many videos that already covered that topic. But from this you get the picture why this adaptation caused such a commotion and upset so many people. I was kinda conflicted about watching the fate but at the end I decided to go and see how is it. I mean it can't be that bad and it wouldn't be fair to judge it just from trailer. I do like the idea of adding new elements in the story and not making it to be the same as the original, I mean this is an adaptation, it doesn't have to be literally a live action copy of the show, where is the fun in that. So I like to think of this show as part of the winx franchise, but also as its own thing, like World of Winx was. I still think they should have left Techna and Flora on the show, but I do understand why they removed Techna as their focus is clearly on elemental magic and technology as magically element wouldn't feel right here. I would put a new character on her place that would have Techna characteristics and give her metal for her magical gift, so she would be called Methalica, I mean it's just my idea, but I think it would work since metal is an element and Techna had a basic self explained name so I think it fits perfectly. Next thing, for Flora, like I said I would include her on the show, but I would be okay with Terra as her cousin to appear on the show, I have nothing against Terra, in fact she is honestly my favourite character on the show, her behaviour is the most in winx style which is kinda sad considering she is the added character, but we will get to that part, first I want to say something positive about this show okay. So what I really like is how in fate there are male fairies and female specialists, I think that's cool, and also it's a great representation in media. Another thing that I'm okay with is like a mentioned before adding new elements to the story, the threat which are the burned ones, that's how they call the monsters in the show, I only watched first episode so I don't know much about them but anyways in this version the barrier around Alfea exists to protect everyone from burned ones. Special effects are very nice and locations look good too. I'm happy they stayed with same names for the kingdoms like Solaria and Eraklion, hope we get to see winx travel to some of the relams, if not this season then please in season 2 cuz that would be great. I like Aisha relationship with Bloom, and Bloom's character,  I do think it's a bit too much sometimes, the way she acts but in some moments it's fitting. Like it's completely normal to question everything, to be confused, scared and curious about magic, how it affects and changes her life over the night, and fire can be very dangerous so her behaviour is reasonable. Also I like how she didn't fell for Sky instantly, and it was nice to see conversation between her and Faragonda or however is she called here but you know what I mean, so I'll just call her Faragonda cuz I didn't remember the new name. I like they included that moment since interactions between Faragonda and Bloom were really important for the plot, especially in the first season of original show. I don't mind not having transformation sequence in the show that much, I think it would look kinda weird, they could have just switch to fairy form, but even if they won't have wings at all it's not such a big deal, at least to me. In that scene they also included another great detail, how Bloom made comment about magic dimension not looking magical enough which is the reference to the original show. Those were all the things I liked about the first episode but aghh I just can't ignore the bad stuff, and believe me there is a lot. So after giving it a watch, no I don't hate the show and I will probably finish watching other episodes, not sure will I make video for each tho, most likely not since I got a lot of videos I want to make, collabs as well but maybe I'll do one for after the first season. But anyways, this show has some good moments I'll give them credit for it, however I can't turn a blind eye on bad elements. I said before how fate was too dark, in my opinion there is a lot unnecessary drama, like I hate what they did with Stella, I get that she will probably be nicer later on, but still, why is she so mean here, it just doesn't feel right, and why add that love triangle crap, it's like they didn't know how to put friendship on test without it. The reason everyone liked original Winx is cuz it was standing out from other shows in a good way. Making Stella the mean girl is so not original and drama about Sky is just unnecessary element. More unnecessary drama is definitely with Bloom as well. I mean does every main character needs to have a terrible life, super dark and edgy? In the original show, Bloom had good relationship with her parents, she had a good life but she always knew she didn't belong there, how there was more to it but she just couldn't explain what. I think that part of story should have stayed like in the cartoon. All this drama just feels so unnecessary. What I also didn't like is Sky. His interactions with Bloom were pure cringe, the introduction scene felt scripted and unnatural. I don't know I just didn't like the way they presented his character. Every time he would appear on the screen I would get annoyed instantly. Riven was okay, nothing special but better than Sky. Speaking of specialists, what I also hated is how poorly their acting was in that scene with teacher talking about burned ones. My dude you didn't convince me. Listen, good actor is supposed to pull you into the story, make you believe his words, to be able to feel it but we just didn't get that in the scene, and I hate it cuz that scene could have been done so much better  it's supposed to be this important moment cuz they talk about how burned ones are dangerous, it shows how big of a threat they are in the story, but idk the way they acted in that scene just wasn't good enough, it wasn't convincing. First episode had a lot of bad acting moments where I would just feel like they weren't prepared for this. I really hope it gets better with time cuz acting is the key element, if it isn't convincing enough people won't believe it. Interactions are also really important and we barely got to see any between our main girls, yes there were moments between Aisha and Bloom, few moments with Musa and Terra but I just wish they did a proper introduction to all and idk one moment between all 5 of them, cuz that scene at the end felt weird, when they all got worried about Bloom, like Musa you don't know her  you didn't say a word to Bloom, why are you here now, you see what I mean, it feels out of place. Like it would be so much better if they first did a proper interaction between winx girls, it doesn't have to be a long scene, this is the first episode after all, but one moment where they meet each other, then the ending scene would make so much more sense, it would give them some reason at least to be worried about her. Next thing Aisha, ahhh I do like her interactions with Bloom, but what really annoyed me is how they introduced her in the show. Like we all know she is a water fairy, you don't need to mention it like every second. Aisha was like hey guys you know I swim twice a day  yes twice a day, I swim, do you know where I can find the pool, cuz I swim. Yeah just no, Netflix show don't tell, show us that she is a water fairy, this isn't the way. Same problem with Beatrix, like we get it you are supposed to be a bad girl but again, show don't tell. I swear moment between her and Riven was so cringy. And what makes no sense, how was Beatrix able to enter that room with burned one that got captured, don't they have some security, someone to guard it, they said burned ones were a serious threat so why leave it unguarded for every curios teen to just walk in. It literally makes no sense, but whatever I guess for the sake of the plot, even though that could have been done differently too but I'm not getting deep into it, overall episode was fine, like I said it had some good moments, I'm willing to give it a chance, but I also think it's important to address the criticism for the show, which is everything I just complained about, and if you don't agree with me and think I was too harsh on the criticism that's fine, it's your opinion, I just said mine. I do think that show has potential, it just depends what will they do with it.

[ashes-in-a-jar]

Tma relisten Episodes 16-20

Things are picking up! Martin is gone, we meet some Flesh statements with all of their disgusting glory, finally find a skeptic (pretending more like) Jon in Vittery's case and then the story of father Edwin...

A warning, the last two episodes here are a confusing mess of thoughts that I have no energy to orginized so you're welcome to read but beware to remain confused. And add your feedback if you want. I'd love to understand what the hell father Edwin was going through.

16 Arachnophobia

Things are picking up. Oh boy vittery is here!

His description of his fear of spiders kind of reminds me of my experience as an emetophobic. I can read about it, watch it on camera (cringing but still can) but near me? Nope.

Major Tom! Love the pet naming system Jonny came up with.

"Our building had acquired something of an infestation of some sort of insect I didn’t recognise - small, silvery worms, almost like maggots, but slightly longer -" uh oh Jon. Jane is already there. I stand by my theory that the web set up vittery's case where Jane was because they wanted the institute to eventually come in contact with her. Specifically the Archivist. Another way the Web helped mark Jon to help bring the apocalypse.

Pfft his whole interaction with major Tom in this story is sending. "go get that spider" Major Tom "no I don't think I will" and saunters off never to be seen again.

Why are his descriptions of spiders so graphic my god. He likes to dwell on his phobia way too much for his own well-being.

Nice aim with the coffee mug. Especially while panicking.

Don't you just hate that you get used to your phobia because a worse version of it comes up? He managed to kill little spiders no problem from then on and I just... Feel for him so much.

"Can you be haunted by the ghost of a spider that destroyed your childhood?" oh. That one must have hit Jon hard right where it hurt.

"I officially gave Major Tom’s paperwork to the family on the ground floor he decided to move in with" lol cat live be that simple.

Commenting on Jon's hard denial specifically of this case and even thought there is so much obvious evidence supporting the supernatural. Just alot of suppressing fear on Jon's part. I feel so bad for him.

"But as I told Martin earlier, he was there for over a week, so there is very likely a perfectly natural explanation for the fact that his body was completely encased in web" sure. Told Martin. Betting it was a full blown argument from which Martin stormed off to prove him wrong. Jon please get your act together.

17 the boneturners tale

Ah Jared my man making his appearance. The bully next door who picks up and becomes a victim (in a way) of a Lietner instead of the statement giver. Where have I heard that one before...

Michael crew checked out the bone book huh. Saw the Flesh and was like mmm nope not this one either.

Archivist interrupted! We don't get much of these later on, when statements become way more compelling and can't be stopped in the middle.

Ewww and the first other institute staff we get is Elias. The sound mixing is really weird he sounds so strange lol. He hasn't polished his 'I'm an even more posh version of Jon' voice yet.

He takes live statements when Rosie's equipment doesn't work? So basically all of the supernatural ones that want to talk and not write. Those are always more special than the ones written. The statement giver felt the need to talk to someone not just write impersonally.

Elias asks about Martin. Once again fuck you Jonah.

Also Martin is missing the story is picking up! I saw at the end that he was in charge of follow up for this, a library statement. Was probably fun for him seeing he's an ex library worker.

"Blessed relief" no Martin he doesn't really mean that.

Jared experimenting on everything including small animals and his own family is all sorts of bad.

"All I remember clearly is the line “and from his rib a flute to play that merry tune of marrow took”." he took a rib and used it to whistle. Jared took Jon's rib and in 171 he whistles. Hmmmmm

So either reading the book did end up killing the guy or Jared eventually caught up with him. Either way poor soul.

18 the man upstairs

Not alot to say about this one except I oddly really like it, my first listen and now. Something about how gross it was really fascinated me. And boy it's super gross.

The meat creature in the end has eyes! Is it eye aligned in a way? Interesting...

Was this an attempted mini ritual of a sort to bring a meat creature into the world? Did it work? Perhaps that creature housed whet used to be Toby Carlisle who left his original body to become this thing.

Btw Archivist has lunches confirmed!

19+20 confession + desecrated host

The only double statement we have ever. A very unusual thing but also Jon explains it that the second half was misfiled nearby and perhaps was taken out and put back haphazardly. By who? Gertrude looking up. Rituals? Jonah looking up multiple entity rituals? Very ominous.

I feel so bad for father Edwin he really didn't deserve what happened to him.

I'll be honest i wasn't really listening to this one the first time. I was busy doing something else and always tended to half listen to exorcism horror. This is facinating to me as if I'm first hearing it.

Its interesting how Jon records his inability to utter words of belief. Also was this an interview? If so, where is the recording. He couldn't have written like how Jon was stuttering at those words. I need a clarifying answer about these and why Jon needed to record an audio of it when clearly there should be a recording of an old live statement.

It wasn't about God the fact that he couldn't say it anymore. It was about his comfort and denying it.

I think the first thing that marked him was the Slaughter. But now listening to it, it seems like what possessed Bethany moved into his mind because it want to suck out and replace faith and father Edwin had much more of it. How does one replace faith? Introducing the faithful to all the fears. It didn't really work tho since he stubbornly remained faithful.

This nurse Annie figure sent him in the direction of both Bethany and Hilltop Road which makes me very suspicious of her.

“I am not for you. I am marked.” oooh first time hearing those words. Perhaps the entity or what wanted to bring them about refusing to give him to the Desolation?

“Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me.” the entities talking? Or warning father Edwin of his fate? Still sound alot like the Slaughter.

So when he leaves to walk the streets to the place he performs the religious service after being told all of his sins by something pretending to be father Singh, I count the Distortion, the Lonely, Stranger, Corruption? And flesh.

This one is still confusing as hell, I was surprised by breekon and hope's appearance in the end, having been the ones who delivered the stole.

Maybe the entities were trying to collaborate to create a religion of their own? Trying not to enter the world separately as a whole being but living in it as worshipped gods?

Whatever they were they decided to exclude the Desolation and the web from the project since they definitely didn't like Hilltop Road.

[vincent-g-writer]

The Silver Screen Savant, pt 2- the Meh, the Bad and The yikes.

Hello Writers!

Last time here on Starry Starry Write, I talked a little about Autism in the media and my personal experiences therein. Today, I’d like to go a little broader, and tackle the topic from a macro perspective.

In recent times, you’ve probably heard “Representation Matters” oft repeated. Especially in prominent talking spaces like social media. But what does that mean, exactly?

Why “Representation Matters,” and how.

The short answer:

Diverse representation in media tells us that everyone has a place in the world. That everyone’s story matters.

The long answer:

It’s no secret that we begin engaging with media at a young age. When I was growing up in the 90’s and 00’s, TV and video games were often the babysitters of my peers. I was one of the few kids in my neighborhood whose parents weren’t divorced. The kids I knew? Not so much. Most of them were raised by single parents, grandparents and of course-the boob tube. I personally prefered books, when my mom wasn’t yelling “it’s too nice out to be holed up in that dark bedroom!”

Now, don’t mistake my preference for some kind of intellectual superiority. I watched plenty of TV too. Besides, books aren’t magically out of the equation. Printed material is our oldest form of media. And- often just as problematic. Though I will say- I saw a much broader range of people on covers adoring library shelves than I ever did titles on a TV roster. But, I digress. The point is: for many of us, consuming media begins at an early time of our life. And that’s where the problem starts. Even in my childhood, where The Magic School Bus, Hey Arnold, and Sesame Street showed people of all kinds, I can point to many that did not. Especially not people like me. Which did me a grave disservice. I didn’t know I was on the spectrum for a long time, and when I finally found out, I was horrified, thanks to what I had seen on TV.

Because media is not only a wonderful way to learn about people that don’t look, act or sound like us. It also informs our ideas of who we are, and what we can be. Whether we like it or not: it shapes how we understand the world. And it doesn’t stop with Childhood.

Time Changes Much, but not all.

Things are better now. Well, a little bit, anyway.

As an adult, I see more people like me on the screen nowadays. Which is nice.

Ish.

Why “ish?” Well…

Frequently, these “noticeably different” characters (read: Autistically coded) are branded “NOT AUTISTIC!” You heard it here first, folks! That one character (insert your favorite) is Totally Not Autistic. Despite being written in a way that gives every indication otherwise.

*Facepalm*

Now for some examples, which we’ll call the “Meh,” “The Bad” and the “Yikes.” For “fun,” we’ll also go into the off-air perceptions of the characters.

The “Meh.”

First on the list is Dr. Spencer Reid, from CBS’s “Criminal Minds.”

Dr. Reid is the youngest member of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit, having joined at the age of 22. He holds three B.A degrees in Sociology, Psychology and Philosophy, as well as three Ph.D’s in Engineering, Chemistry, and Mathematics.

He also has the social skills of a limp dishrag. Wait, what’s that? High Intelligence + Low Social Awareness? Hmmm…Then there’s his restrictive behavioral patterns, obsessive interests, and general “quirkiness!” that we could talk about. But let’s hear a quote from the actor who plays him, Matthew Gray Gubler:

“..an eccentric genius, with hints of schizophrenia and minor autism, Asperger’s Syndrome. Reid is 24, 25 years old with three PH.D.s and one can’t usually achieve that without some form of autism.”

Hoooo-boy. I could go into all the things wrong with this, including why the term “Asperger’s” is both horrific (TW: Eugenics,Ableism, N*zis) and harmful. However, today we’ll simply leave it with the fact that this term is no longer applicable, having been reclassified in 2013 as part of Autism Spectrum disorder.

The “Bad.”

Next up, we have Will Graham, from NBC’s Hannibal.

Like our first example, Will works for the FBI. He’s a gifted criminal profiler with “special” abilities, namely hyper empathy, which allows him to reconstruct the actions and fantasies of the killers he hunts. He’s intellectually gifted, hates eye contact, socializing, and prefers to spend…most of his time…alone.

Oh dear. Haven’t we been here before? But, I mean, he doesn’t have Autism! The show runner says so!

For Will Graham, there’s a line in the pilot about him being on the spectrum of autism or Asperger’s, and he’s neither of those things. He actually has an empathy disorder where he feels way too much and that’s relatable in some way. There’s something about people who connect more to animals than they do to other people because it’s too intense for whatever reason.

You can’t see me right now, but I’m cringing. A lot. This is just…ugh. I mean, for starters, I know a handful of autistic people who struggle with hyper empathy, which can make social situations overwhelming and hard to navigate. In fact, I happen to be one of them. Plus, there’s a cool little thing about how, frequently, people on the spectrum more readily identify with animals. But, y’know. Who am I to say? I’m just someone, one of many, who’s dealt with this my whole life.

Now, onto the “Yikes.”

*sigh*

And finally, we have BBC’s Sherlock, a modern adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s renowned “consulting” detective, and probably the most famous fictional character of all time.

Now, I’ll start by saying that the BBC incarnation is not the first to be Spectrum labeled. In fact, Sherlock was my childhood hero, and the first “person” I saw referred to this way. My aunt, an avid reader herself, casually remarked to a friend “I’ve always wondered if Holmes is Autistic,” after I came yammering on about how fantastic the books were. Had I not been champing at the bit to get back to my reading, I might have asked her what that meant.

I also believe this fandom driven speculation is why many detective type characters (see above) are often coded as Autistic, intentionally or otherwise.

In this New York Times article, Lisa Sanders, M.D. describes Holmes traits:

He appears oblivious to the rhythms and courtesies of normal social intercourse — he doesn’t converse so much as lecture. His interests and knowledge are deep but narrow. He is strangely “coldblooded,” and perhaps as a consequence, he is also alone in the world.

Now, before we go any father, let me take a moment to defend his creator. During the time Sir Arthur Conan Doyle first created his most famous work, Autism was not known. That isn’t to say it didn’t exist. We’ve always existed. In fact, it’s now believed that the Changeling Myth, a common European folk story, was a way to explain Autism. In one telling (there are a few) children displaying “intelligence beyond their years” and “uncanny knowledge” were imposters, traded out by Fae creatures for offspring of their own. Children believed to be “Changlings,” regretfully, often came to a bad end. A chilling reminder that the stories we tell impact our real lives.

So while Autism was at least somewhat recognized, it did not become its own official diagnosis until 1943.

Meanwhile, Sherlock Holmes was first published in 1892. Now, as a writer who often draws from my personal reality, I imagine Doyle probably “wrote what he knew,” which is to say, acquainted with one or more Autistic people, he used them as inspiration.

On the other hand…

BBC’s Sherlock first aired in 2010. And while one might argue that the writers simply capitalized on the Autistic fan-theory, or took already available traits and exaggerated them for their version… they left a lot to be desired. Autism aside, this new Sherlock is…well…an asshole. Narcissistic, abusive and egocentric (to name a few) he sweeps his caustic behavior under the rug of “high functioning sociopath,” and blytly ignores the consequences.

Which is a major problem. Because while doing this, he’s still “obviously” (at least in the Hollywood sense) Autistic. In my previous post, where I said some characters are “too smart™, and logical© to ever have feelings, friends or empathy,” this is what I meant.

This is bad. We’re looping right back to Representation Matters. Bad representation, and the navigating of such, is just as important for writers to think about as good representation. Maybe even moreso. Because bad representation paints real people into cardboard, stereotyped people-shaped things. It otherizes. And it’s harmful. You would not believe the people I’ve met assume I’m not Autistic because I’m not an egotistical jerk. Why? Because they watched, you guessed it, BBC Sherlock.

Confession time:

Now here’s my little secret:

I love all of these characters. They are some of my favorite on tv. Why? Because for good or ill, I recognize myself in them. Finally, I can turn on the TV, and see myself. Or, somewhat, anyway.

My favorite character out of this list? Loath though I am to admit it… Is Sherlock. See, what those well meaning folks didn’t know (the ones who say I’m I’m “too nice,” to be Autistic) is… well, if we’re being honest, I wasn’t always nice. A few years ago, I was that guy. I was a jerk because I thought I was the smartest person in the room. Which is really not a good look. In fact, sitting down and watching the first season of sherlock, (around three or four years after it came out) made me realize how much of a jerk I actually was.

There are other things there too. Things that tie me to all these characters, that I didn’t list. But that’s for another today.

For now, I’d like to add a caveat or two:

1) I’ve watched all the shows listed above, and adore them. As I mentioned, Sherlock is my favorite. He’s also the one I’ve watched the most (Repeatedly, in fact. Whoops.) and I recognize it’s not all bad. In the end, he learned to treat people better (somewhat) and certainly became more human over time. And, there are other deeply problematic elements of the show I’d like to tackle, eventually.

*cough* Queerbating! *cough*

2) I’m well aware that the above cases are all thin, white, able bodied, “straight” males. But I chose these characters for a couple of reasons. One, they’re the most prominent type on TV. Again, we loop back around to representation, and why we need more positive, diverse examples of it.

And finally-

3) In my last post, I mentioned I’d give some “good” instances of Hollywood Autism trope. But I didn’t exactly do that. Partially, because half way through, I thought…perhaps…I’m not the best to judge what might be a good Autistic character. I mean, I’m sure someone will read this and think my current aforementioned characters are fine. Heck! They might even argue my perception here, and say the characters are just fine. I accept that. In my life, both on and off the page, I recognize that I cannot, should not (and don’t want to) speak for an entire community.

Because of this, I cannot tell you how to write a “good” Autistic character, or what media is “acceptable.” I can’t even really tell you what a bad character is. Sure, I have a lot of opinions about it. But- if you’re on the spectrum and like and identify with the above? That’s fine. I mean, even with all the problems I noted (and some I didn’t) I certainly do.

On the other hand, if you’re a writer, and you want to write a character from this (or any, for that matter) community you aren’t part of, I caution you.

Do your research. Preferably from multiple credible sources.

Talk to people on the spectrum about what it’s really like. (Though try to steer clear of asking for emotional labor.You could, say, hop on reddit and ask the community there, for instance, which is a no pressure way to obtain potentially decent info.)

Finally, whatever you do, remember this-

Autistic people can look like anyone. We can act, and think and be different, like anyone. We are real, living, breathing people. Not robots, not sob stories, not tropes. People. So if you write about us, write us like people. And your work will be all the better for it.

-Your Loving Vincent

[mymelodyheart]

Highland Destiny Chapter 19 ~Lallybroch Part 1~

Claire was sat on the pew in Abercorn Parish Church waiting for Jamie to sort out the papers for their nuptials. She was wearing a simple pleated cream dress belted at the high waist with matching heels, bought earlier in the day. It was merely two days ago when they were talking about marriage, and she didn't wholly believe that it would be possible to arrange everything in such a short time. The Scottish law required twenty-nine days of notice to be submitted to the registrar before a legal wedding can take place, and somehow, Jamie was able to circumvent the rules. With the help of his lawyers and connections, the paper works and licenses were expedited when he called in past favours owed.

"How did you manage that?" Claire had asked, not fully understanding how much influence Jamie wielded in Scotland.

Jamie, extremely reticent about his charity work, hesitantly and shyly explained that he had helped the Hamlet of Abercorn restore its parish church and its other causes in the past. And in return for his generosity, they were turning a blind eye on the procedural requirements and red tape.

Still, it was hard to believe that she was actually getting married, considering the circumstances how they had met. What she had thought was a fleeting romance and attraction at the start, had turned into a roller coaster ride of mixed emotions, soul searching and introspection all within a short time. She had known men like Jamie before, men who have women falling at their feet and women at their disposal lured by their charm. After Frank died, she had guarded her heart in pursuit of her medical career, her life navigated with control, discipline and restraint, and she thought she had everything in grip until she met Jamie. Although not to be characterised as naive in the matter of the hearts, Claire was under the notion that sleeping with Jamie would have ended her fascination and draw towards him. She thought she could play the same game what Claire perceived Jamie was playing without getting hurt, safe in the knowledge that she was confident and open-minded when it came to love affairs. But the opposite had occurred and never in her life had she expected to fall hard for him. So it was astounding to believe that a man like him could love her in return, let alone wanting wholeheartedly to marry and start a family with her.

Looking now at her engagement ring, she couldn't help but smile at the memory it stirred. It was a simple amber stone, set on a plain white gold band, and it had belonged to Jamie's mother. Ever since Jamie had slipped it onto her finger, she hadn't been able to remove it no matter how much lubricants and soap she used. It wasn't as if her fingers were swollen, but the ring had remained stuck. Jamie had joked that his deceased mother must have insisted on her wearing it and that it was a sign of her approval. Well, it must be the case, she had thought because it looked more than ever, brilliant on the day of their wedding.

"Sassenach, are ye ready? We're about to be married," Jamie said softly. Claire hadn't heard him approach, so engrossed she was in her thoughts. Kneeling beside her, next to the pew, he smiled tenderly, his sky-blue eyes translucent as the light from the window touched his face. Although still bruised, Jamie looked achingly handsome with his three days bristles and longish hair, the golden-red locks curling at the nape of his neck. He wore a dark blue suit and crisp white shirt, forgoing a tie. "Looking forward to being Mrs Fraser?" he grinned boyishly, raising her hand to his lips.

Claire's heart swelled, and her eyes glistened, as she felt the sting at the back of her eyes began to burn. Instead of answering, she leaned forward to kiss him gently, afraid if she spoke, tears of joy would spill.

"Sassenach, ye ken when we get back to Inverness, we can have another wedding if ye want. A grander one. I know this isn't..."

"Ssshh...Jamie, this is perfect," Claire smiled as she put a hand on the side of his face. "Just the two of us. Maybe we can have a small party for close friends when we get back...I'll be more than happy with that."

Pulling Claire to her feet, he gathered her into his arms, to hold her tight. "Ye're a very unusual woman, Sassenach," Jamie murmured in her ears. "I want to give ye so much, deck ye in jewels and place the world at yer feet, but ye'll no' have any of it. Ye only need to tell me what yer heart desires..."

"I have you, Jamie, that's all I've ever wanted." She then stood on her tiptoes to give him a kiss.

..........

The wedding ceremony lasted fifteen minutes. With the church's caretakers as witnesses, they had exchanged vows from their hearts, a lone tear escaping Jamie's eye as he smiled broadly, like a child receiving all his Christmases' presents wrapped into one.

"Weel, hul-loh there, Mrs Fraser," he said, giving her a lopsided grin after the priest announced he may kiss the bride. 

Jamie kissed Claire long and thorough, almost forgetting that the witnesses and the priest were still there and Jamie had to be gently reminded with a slight tap on the shoulder that there were still papers to be signed.

After everything was signed and sealed, they left the parish church and headed for Queensferry for some celebratory macaroons and herbal tea at a local cafe. They weren't far from Lallybroch, but they wanted this special moment for themselves away from people they know and away from big crowds who might recognise Jamie. Although they felt slightly guilty for not telling their friends and family about their impromptu wedding, they couldn't stop grinning as they tucked into their sweet treats. Claire hadn't wanted any fuss, and knowing her luck after the last few weeks', she thought it would be best to stay away from people who might know them, at least until after the wedding.

"Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, Jamie, I'm going to get fat before your very eyes if I continue to eat like this. I feel like eating for three instead of two," Claire remarked in between popping her fourth macaroon into her mouth and sipping her fennel tea. "I just can't stop eating anything sugary."

Jamie laughed and looked lovingly at his new bride. He wasn't overly concerned about her change in eating habits, simply because he was too happy beyond words. "Dinna fash Sassenach. As soon as we're back in Inverness, I'll start cooking for us some healthy meals. We're on holiday, and importantly, the baby seems to have an appetite. That must be good, aye?"

"I guess so...it must be a good thing my body has all the hallmarks of a healthy pregnancy, but I don't know how a fetus could have so much appetite. At this stage, our child is about this big," Claire explained, as she showed Jamie with her thumb and finger how big the embryo was. "The fetus is about the size of a pea."

To her amusement, Jamie had been surprised at this revelation and Claire couldn't wait to see his future reactions and responses as she progressed into the later stages of pregnancy. He had read so much about this subject from the internet and books given by Geillis, but Claire knew, no amount of reading will prepare him for fatherhood. 

"Sassenach, are ye ready to go and see Lallybroch and meet my family?" Jamie said as he reached out to squeeze her hand after Claire polished off both their plates

She nodded with a slight hint of a frown. "I hope she'll like me, Jamie. She's your only family, and I'm really looking forward to having a sister. I've grown up wishing I had a sibling, especially when uncle Lamb and I were isolated from civilisation. I was always surrounded by adults growing up, so I've never really had anyone near my age."

"Dinna fash Sassenach. If she dinna like ye, remember, ye're married to me and not to her. Besides I'm quite sure she will love ye like her own...weel... after she's done lambasting me for all my misgivings these last few weeks," Jamie reassured but cringed at the thought of what's to come when Jenny finally gets her chance to harangue him in person.

..........

The drive to Lallybroch from Queensferry was a short one; nevertheless, picturesque and charming. It was quintessential Scottish countryside with open fields full of wildflowers in bloom and mounds of green hills in the background. The lands they passed were dotted with ancient manors and castles, and working farmhouses and Claire couldn't help but think of Frank. He had loved Scotland, and the history that shaped the country, and they had often visited ancient sites before they were married many years ago. Thinking back now, her times and marriage to Frank seemed like from another lifetime.

Jamie slowed down as they drove through a small unpaved road, lined with wooden palisades that led to a grand grey-stoned manor house. The stone building was surrounded by trees; there were oak, hawthorn, juniper, elder, and a few wild cherry trees scattered about. On the far side, away from the residence, was a paddock with three horses grazing in the field, and as she opened the window to breathe the fresh air, she could hear dogs barking from afar. She couldn't see the front of the house, but instead there was an arched-entrance that led to what she presumed was a front courtyard.

"Welcome to Broch Tuarach, Mrs Fraser," Jamie announced smirking in amusement, seeing her face looking in awe at his childhood home as they approached nearer to the driveway.

"Oh my, Jamie...your family home is grand! It's like a bloody castle if you don't mind me saying so. You could fit in three families there," Claire gushed, not taking her eyes away from the looming manor.

Jamie chuckled. "Aye, that it is, but at the rate, Jenny and Ian are breeding, they will need all the rooms in the house. They have four children at the moment, and my uncle had informed me, another one is on the way."

"Wot?" Claire's hand automatically went to her stomach, silently praying that their own child would be safe and healthy. "Your brother-in-law must be a hard-working man to have so many children and maintain such a large home."

Jamie smiled. He couldn't wait to see Ian. He was like a brother to him even before he married his sister, and he was his childhood best friend.

As they finally stopped, Jamie reached out and squeezed Claire's hand. "Ye ready, Sassenach? Mind ye, my sister...she is a tad feisty with a mouth like an army sergeant, but really, her heart is pure gold once ye get to know her," Jamie cautioned as he braced himself to introduce his new bride.

Claire simply nodded, itching to see the grounds of Lallybroch and meet Jamie's family.

As they stepped out from the van, Claire heard children squealing and shouting, and little feet running towards them.

"Uncle Jamie! Uncle Jamie!" A small boy with brown hair about the age of seven or eight threw himself at Jamie who picked him up and twirled him around laughing. "We missed ye loads, and I heard ma saying to da that ye're a clot-heid and a coof."

"Sssh...ye better no' let yer ma hear ye say such things or she'll wash yer mouth with lye," Jamie gently admonished, laughing as he hugged his nephew. Turning to Claire, he introduced the bairn. "Sassenach, this is wee Jamie. He was named after me, and I'm his godfather. Wee Jamie, meet yer auntie Claire."

The wee boy warily extended his hand, squinting his eyes as he looked up to her. "Hallo auntie Claire."

"Nice to meet you, wee Jamie," Claire smiled as she got down to her knees, eyeing the other shy little ones behind the boy who were waiting for their turn to be greeted by their uncle. "And are they your sisters and brother? Can you please introduce them to me," she coaxed.

One by one, the children came forth and introduced themselves shyly, with an amused Jamie looking on. She learned the eldest girl was Margaret, maybe around five or six, then came Katherine, who was four and a toddler learning to walk, Michael.

"Jamie, me lad!" It was a man's voice. As she stood up to take a better look, the children suddenly scurrying away to inform their ma of Uncle Jamie's arrival in high shrill voices, wee Michael tottering behind his siblings. Claire presumed he was Ian and noticed immediately that he had a prosthetic right leg. He had a kind smiling face, and like wee Jamie, he had dark brown hair.

"Ian!" Jamie hugged his brother-in-law, laughing and slapping his back good-naturedly. "Good to see ye, pal! Come meet my wife, Claire."

Ian still smiling, raised an eyebrow at Jamie before stepping forward to squeeze Claire warmly in an embrace. "Och, the lady in red!" Ian grinned much to Claire and Jamie's mild discomfort as they both remembered that calamitous evening at the ball. "I've read all about ye Claire in the tabloids - what did it exactly say...mmm let's see...the Sassenach that stole Jamie's heart, but I never read anything about a wedding. I'm quite sure that would have been impossible to miss." Ian turned to Jamie for some answers.

"Och, we only got married today. Ah ken Jenny won't be too pleased to hear that part, her only wee brother marrying so..."

"James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser!! At last, the prodigal son has returned!" interrupted a woman's high-pitched voice, not sounding very friendly at all.

They all turned around, and Claire observed a very petite woman stomping determinedly towards them.  It's Jenny!   She had the same blue eyes as Jamie, but her face was more delicate and porcelain-like, and she didn't inherit her brother's height -  she must be around five feet tall!  Jenny was wearing a plaid shirt over loose linen pants that were folded at the bottom hem, and it was evident that she was expecting a child. Her head was covered with a straw hat, and Claire saw wisps of black hair that was tied back in a knot, escaping.  

Jenny dropped the wicker basket that was hitched to her waist, sending the freshly harvested potatoes rolling to the ground. Then she pulled her garden gloves from her hands one by one, angrily, throwing them aside. Not noticing Claire, she walked towards her brother, her one arm ready to slap his left ear, but Jamie was quick to duck as if he knew already what to expect. 

"Jenny, what the fuck!"

"Aye, ye wee prick...what the fuck!" Jenny screamed, one hand on her hip and the other waving about madly. "Why did ye not answer my calls, eh? Yer head is so stuffed deep in yer arse ye have forgotten about yer family. The fucking paparazzi were all over our grounds nosing aroond looking for ye and scaring yer nephews and nieces off their wits. Ye have nae care in the world but yersel', so engrossed in yer own shit. I told ye countless times, I dinna want paparazzi hanging aboot here...this is our home, and we have our lives...and what's this on the newspaper I hear..."

"Jenny, please," Jamie gritted his teeth, trying to suppress his mounting anger and the urge to shake Jenny. Claire could see rigid cords forming on Jamie's neck as he glared down at his wee older sister. "Will ye button it for a minute till I introduce ye to my wife."

Jenny spun her small frame around towards Claire's direction, noticing her presence for the first time and then quickly turned back to Jamie. "Yer wife? Ach, ye married a Sassenach...aye, I heard all about ye chasing a Sassenach in Inverness," Jenny suddenly turned to Claire, and in a milder tone, she apologised, "Nae offence, lass." Then turning back to Jamie, she continued her rant. "Ye dinna think to include yer family...yer only family with yer happy news? Me...us worried sick...those newspaper people sneaking aboot like wolves..."

Jamie has had enough and pulled Jenny towards the house, half dragging her, his grip digging into the flesh of her arm, leaving Ian and Claire to stare in wonder as the siblings continued their screaming matches. As they disappeared through the large entrance door, Claire turned to face a smiling Ian.

"Claire, dinna fash about those two...it's always the same when they don't see each other for a long time. They'll scream and shout until they tire and eventually hug and make-up. Ye canna get between the Frasers when both are in that state..."

Claire smiled weakly, not quite sure what to say. Jamie did say his sister was feisty, but that was more than feisty. The woman was raving mad! "Well, I hope we're not intruding your peace here. It seems so tranquil until we arrived..."

Ian laughed. "No, not at all. It may sound weird to ye, but hardly anything ever happens around here so this with Jenny and Jamie is a welcome respite from the peace and tranquillity."

"But the children...and all that screaming..."

"Ach, we have a nanny, Lizzie. She kens what Jamie and Jenny are like. I'm quite sure Lizzie has already lead the bairns away to the back garden, and the walls are thick...I dinna think the wee ones will hear," Ian assured her as he guided her near the opened entrance door. 

Claire expected to still hear screaming as they stood near the steps, but it was eerily silent. "I hope they haven't killed each other. It sounds too quiet in there."

Ian laughed. "No...that will be them done now. They're probably apologising to one another right this very minute. Anyway, I hope ye and Jamie will be staying long. I'm pretty sure Jenny is looking forward to getting to know the newest member of the family."

Claire was unsure about staying after witnessing Jenny's wild rant, but before she could reply, her sister-in-law suddenly burst out of the door, running down the steps towards her. "Claire!" Jenny beamed, both her hands on Claire's shoulder, before pulling her for a surprise hug, as if the incident earlier never happened. "Welcome to the family. I'm so glad to have a sister...I've always wanted one since I was a bairn."

Wide-eyed and shocked, she could only stand there and return Jenny's hug, indecisively at first, not quite sure what to make of her sister-in-law's sudden change of demeanour. Then, Claire saw a grinning Jamie leaning on the entrance doorway. "Welcome home Sassenach...welcome to Broch Taurach."

[alwaysbewoke]

"You know, he's only mean to you because he likes you!"

Cast your mind back to the playground. Aaron and the other boys are playing tag, and he won't let you join in. The louder he insists, the harder you try to insert yourself, the situation escalating until Aaron sticks his leg out and you go flying. If he was trying especially hard to embody a cliche, he might even pull your pigtails. So far, so normal. Kids are cruel and weird. As a kid yourself, you're doing a pretty weird/normal job of processing the exclusionary nastiness ... until you hear from Mom that sometimes being treated badly is actually a good thing. "You know, he only does that because he likes you!" she says, spinning the meanness as a compliment.

Even worse, you're at that age when you can detect that "He likes you" means something different here, even if you're not quite sure what. There's an implicit idea -- perhaps in part because you don't understand -- that it's a special condition of feeling. As such, it entitles its "feeler" to a whole different criteria for good and bad behavior.

Mom is trying to prepare you for something she knows you won't understand, that soon boys are going to start acting strangely, that you're about to spend the rest of your life misinterpreting each others' motives. But "He's mean because he likes you" is such a tragic and bizarre introduction to the idea. It's like having your driving instructor begin the first lesson with "Remember, sometimes pedestrians scream because they're happy!"

Even if it seems harmless on the playground, wait until high school, the workplace, cohabiting relationships, and marriage, hoo boy. He's calling every three minutes because he loves me. He hits me because I drive him to it, his passion overflowing as violence. Even if it's true that the boy on the playground acts badly because he has a crush and this is his weird preteen way of processing it, that doesn't need any reinforcing.

"Why don't you have the party here? I'll pick up some snacks!"

You're somewhere between 13 and 18 and you are going to have A Party. It's been weeks in the planning stages. Someone's big sister has been coerced into doing the booze run. Someone's parents have been stupid enough to OK a get-together and leave their house at your collective mercy. The stars have aligned, the fates are in your favor, and this is the most excited you've probably ever been. A whole evening of unsupervised, uncomfortable, elated nonsense!

The prospect has practically had your teeth chattering. What do you wear? He'll be there. Which song will be playing when your sparkly hair clips convince him to kiss you instead of Charlotte? What is the right ratio of soda to vodka?

Of course, hearing your mom's cheerful "Why don't you have the party here?" is nothing compared to the obviously life-ruining "You're going to that party over my dead body" or even "Be home by 11." But therein lies its stealthy power. You could justify a teenage tantrum over your attendance being vetoed altogether, or even a curfew, but how to rebuff the thinly veiled bid to oversee proceedings disguised as an innocent offer to host? You are suddenly playing a subtle, deadly game.

How to articulate that any amount of meddling would crash the imaginary ecosystem of this social event, where everyone likes your shoes and laughs at your jokes? Or that you're both too old andtoo young for the kind of party where snacks play even a supporting role? How to refuse categorically without letting on that homey safety is kryptonite to a Successful Evening? You wriggle quickly and smilingly away. "Oh, Lila's parents will be home. They've already taken care of everything." Now you can only pray that she doesn't call to verify this.

"I'll leave you lovebirds to it!"

This one is said when a young girl is about to be left alone with a young boy, regardless of relationship or circumstances. Maybe he's the weird son of Mom's friend from work. No! Don't leave us to it! He breathes through his mouth!

At that age, it seems incredible that she can't pick up on how much you don't want this to happen. The intensity with which adolescent feelings are felt (I've never hated anyone as much as I hated my math teacher) would lead you to believe that they can be felt by anyone in their orbit. A teenager in love is one thing, and should be as legible as Times New Roman to anyone paying attention. A teenager seething with disgust, though, is strong as a poltergeist. How can she not know?

So while you can't believe that your mother would think you're enjoying the way her boyfriend's nephew is eyeballing your braces, she's only thinking of you when she suggests the two of you take a joint trip to the corner shop. You walk as far away from him as the pavement will permit. You shudder when the heavy breathing intensifies after bumping into each other, fumbling by the till. This will happen again and again. "Oh, here's the offspring of my roommate from college. When's the wedding, amirite?" How to break it to her that you're more interested in his sister?

"You know you can always talk to me about your sex life! I remember when your father and I first got together ..."

This invitation to spill your beans probably crops up before you even have any to spill. Sure, there's a whiff of something. Maybe she's caught you gazing at a classmate at school pickup. Maybe you tell too many stories about Amy's brother when you come back from her house. "Amy's brother doesn't listen to that band." "Amy's brother said he liked my jeans." "Amy's brother, Amy's brother, Amy's brother Amy's- brother, Amy's brother."

Anyway, someone told your mother that it's important to be open about these things. She wouldn't want you to develop a complex, would she? What better way to ease your discomfort than "I remember when your father and I first got together." WELL I REMEMBER WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE TO PICTURE MY PARENTS HAVING SEX.

"You can always talk to me about your sex life" just serves to highlight your lack of one, which is especially bruising when sex is all you think about -- tinging the corners of your heavy-breathing dreams, chronically manifest in your peripheral vision, but just out of reach. Knowing too much about it will recontextualize innocent fantasy into something scary and dirty. Hey, you've seen people making out in films. That lingerie ad. Then there was that video clip Paul sent round the class. You got through 12 seconds before switching it off like a scary movie.

Of course, these scraps and gaps have generated so many questions that it's hard to know where to start. And your mother would be more than happy to explain "why people make those noises" and that no, you don't "stand on your head to stop getting pregnant." But you will refuse these invaluable pointers. The final nail in your pre-adolescent coffin would be to hear that your parents were at it more than you are (not hard, but still unfair). Sex isn't sex yet, but what it is belongs to people your age -- fumbling, yearning, et al.

You'll get over this, but it's a hard pill to swallow that is offered A) when it is most crucially needed and B) when you couldn't be less receptive to it. Give it ten years, and you'll be calling her after every bad date.

"Are you sure you're happy? By the time I was your age ..."

You're cleaning up together -- look how responsible you are! -- after a family dinner. Back in the home you grew up in, and moved out of, just for the evening, or maybe the weekend. Either way, this is you as a proto-adult: feckless as ever, but somehow funding a life beyond the cocoon. Conversations like this are sprung when handwork is available. You don't have to look at each other, there's a time limit imposed by the activity, and silences can be filled with industrious scrubbing, etc. Variations include "How's the novel coming along?" and "Why don't you call Childhood-Friend-With-Whom-Your-Relationship-Ruptured-Very-Painfully-Somewhere-Along-The-Way?"

"Are you happy?" is the killer, though. Amidst a lifetime (or at least an adolescence) of cringing every time your poor mother tries to join in or make your life easier, this is the splinter beneath a thin nail built from half-truths and self-trickery. The end of that WMD of sentences is some version of "by the time I was your age, I had you and your sister," "I'd met your father," or "I'd already started working at [place she'll be working at until retirement]."

She asks because she worries about you, but that just means that managing her worries is another thing you've failed at. Answering in a way that will ease her fears isn't easy when the truth is you're not single out of some concerted effort to make peace with yourself before launching into a relationship, or renting because you "like the flexibility." That you are, in reality, lonely and poor.

On the one hand, maybe Mom doesn't know what a digital marketing account manager is. On the other hand, maybe that is not a job anyone sensible wants in any sincere way. Maybe she just doesn't recognize how, even though your boyfriend is always hungover at family lunch and doesn't pick up when you call on a long weekend, he's actually really artistic and authentically himself. Maybe your latest diet looks like an eating disorder, your latest phase a personal crisis -- and then again, maybe it is. God, Mom, you've sent me down a spiral! "I'm doing fine!" you'll say. And some day, you'll probably get that same answer from your own kid.

ladies, thoughts?

[nerdtrash-iteration]

(Re)watching Doctor Who: series 6

Wow okay so. I already knew a fair bit of what happened in this series before watching it for the first time in 2019. I knew that River was Amy and Rory’s daughter. That she was a proto-Time Lord due to being conceived on the TARDIS. I knew that Amy somehow loses her as a baby and that she ends up being her parents’ childhood friend. Anyway, let’s get into this very mixed bag of a series.

Series 6 (Eleventh Doctor) 6.0: A Christmas Carol First of all, I adore this Christmas special, it’s become one of my favourites. I love the setting. I love the premise of the Doctor changing someone’s past to make them a better person. Love Amy and Rory having fun with costumes on their wedding night. I’m not really fond of Abigail basically being a sexy lamp, some of her story is a bit creepy if you think too much about it. But a very beautiful episode overall.

6.1 + 6.2: The Impossible Astronaut + Day of the Moon This isn’t a bad story, but I am biased against it for a few reasons. I don’t tend to like stories set in America as they often feel really out of place in Doctor Who. American TV is already so pervasive, give another location some attention. It felt alienating to have your first story of a new series be set in America, with government conspiracies and time jumps and fake deaths. It just really didn’t feel like Doctor Who. Also I know that the Silence return but I didn’t like that they were just all killed off in the second half. They were built up as such a big deal and then killing them didn’t look that hard. Would have been better as a mid-season finale I think.

6.3: The Curse of the Black Spot I found this story pretty forgettable except for the last ten minutes. The guest characters really didn’t do much for me. Story wasn’t really interesting. It all felt a bit too silly. However, those last ten minutes really did hit me hard. What was an ehh pirate adventure became a mystical poignant story about a pirate crew trapped in limbo: trapped between dimensions and between life and death. It felt like a sci-fi take on Davy Jones, I loved that. Shame it just came in at the end.

6.4: The Doctor’s Wife I heard about this story before I saw it and was worried it would be really awkward and cringe-y. No, I actually really enjoyed it. I adore the setting: a pocket universe with a disembodied antagonist that eats TARDISes. Excellent. I loved the interactions between the Doctor and TARDIS/Idris (I felt calling her “Sexy” was a bit too far, but I don’t hate it). I felt the scenes with Amy and Rory were a bit generic and predictable, with how House messed with them. But overall I really liked this episode. I love the complexity it adds to the disappearance of the Time Lords.

6.5 + 6.6: The Rebel Flesh + The Almost People This is a pretty decent story, but maybe a bit too long. I think the premise is great and really creepy. Good examination of personhood and bodily autonomy.  But I don’t think it really needed to be a two-parter. Or maybe it needed to just use its running time better. Too many scenes drag for me. And I really found the Flesh as a concept difficult to take seriously. How has this never been brought up before??? It really feels like the implications of the Flesh in human society should have been explored more. 6.7: A Good Man Goes to War I have mostly positive feelings towards this episode but it can still be a bit frustrating. I think the rescue is fairly well-paced. I really like the new characters introduced. I love the connection of “Melody Pond” with “River Song”. However there are some set-backs. I’m not really into the military Church or the headless monks. It felt like world-building for the sake of it that doesn’t actually go anywhere. I really like the Paternoster gang, but I don’t like how they are introduced. They are characters the Doctor already knows but there is very little explanation to Amy and Rory or the audience who they are. I really felt like I had missed something and didn’t enjoy that. Also the Silence’s plan feels a tad contrived. The idea of creating an assassin to kill the Doctor is interesting. But it feels way too risky of a plan. How could they guarantee their brainwashed assassin doesn’t escape and learn how to be better? Which is what happened. 6.8: Let’s Kill Hitler I had spoiled myself a bit here, having seen many scenes from this episode closer to its time of airing. But seeing it in full really left me frustrated. I do like the reveal of their childhood friend Melody and their daughter Melody being one and the same. But I really hate how she behaves in this episode once she regenerates into her “River” body. This is the problem with telling a story in this order. We know River will become a friend to the gang. So there doesn’t feel like there’s a lot of tension here. And her “Tee hee, I’m such a psychopath, I love you and I’m here to kill you” act drove me mad. She really felt like a bad fanfiction OC here. I don’t love River overall as a character but I know she can be much better than this. Also there was barely any use mad of the historical setting. I do love Rory saying “Shut up, Hitler” and River facing off against the Nazi soldiers though. 6.9: Night Terrors This was mostly another ehhh episode to me. I do like the reveal of the dollhouse and the idea of people being turned into dolls. I enjoy the premise of the Doctor being summoned by a frightened child. Although this is another overuse of the perception filter I feel. It feels like a device to just cover up parts of your story that don’t quite click together. I also didn’t really care for the guest characters here. 6.10: The Girl Who Waited I was fairly impressed with this episode. Great setting, really interesting moral dilemma. I felt like some of the screen time could have been used more effectively, some parts of the story felt like it dragged a bit. But a very solid story. 6.11: The God Complex I was really disappointed with this episode. I knew a bit about it and was excited to see it. I really like a lot of the guest characters, especially Rita and Gibbis. Many of the character interactions are great. I love that Amy’s fear was represented by her childhood self waiting. I really like the creepy hotel being a labyrinth. But I couldn’t stand the minotaur or the plot resolution. I also had issue with their being inconsistency with the rules of the hotel. I think some characters saw their room and ended up fine. Some seemed to just be killed off without enough explanation. The whole “feeding on fear” thing was really eh to me. It was a horror story that lacked in a lot of tension. 6.12: Closing Time I was very fond of this episode. Again awkward that Gareth Roberts wrote it. I’m very fond of Craig as a character. Also the Doctor’s interactions with Alfie a.k.a Stormaggedon were very sweet. Not the best Cybermen story but not bad. Certainly better than The Next Doctor. Also it was wild to see Lynda Baron as one of the shop clerks. She was a childhood icon for me as Auntie Mabel in the education programme Come Outside.

6.13: The Wedding of River Song Give me strength, what a hot mess of an episode. I don’t loathe it like many do, but it was a really frustrating watch. This is where the Silence arc pissed me off the most. Kept dangling vague ideas in our face on why the Doctor had to die. It really felt like a repeat of “Because...reasons”. At the time of writing, I have seen the series 7 finale and The Time of the Doctor so I know it does eventually resolve. But it was a really frustrating watch at the time. I also don’t like the Doctor being suddenly like “Yo River, we need to get married now because plot”. I know it’s justified with technobabble that it will change the moment of the Doctor’s “death” but it really felt very jarring. I mostly found the Doctor and River’s relationship very frustrating as it seemed like we kept being told that she was important to him, without really seeing it. I can’t be sure of whether he actually had any romantic feelings for her, it’s hard to say. But yeah, kinda a mess of a finale. So yeah I have had this post in my drafts for a while as series 6 is hard for me to talk about. Some stories I’m quite fond of and I like the Doctor and the Ponds as a group but overall it was too dominated by an unsatisfying series arc for me to enjoy it as much as series 5.

[granpafrisbee]

Truth or Dare Part 1

Warnings: Cussing                    

Word Count: 3,752 (it’s gonna get longer tho)

Pairing: Bucky x OFC           

Masterlist

Summary: After going to Italy and avoiding any romantic relationships for pretty much all her life Joey comes back to the U.S. to move in with her life-long best friend, Sam Wilson, and his two closest friends from college. Joey’s met Steve but is apprehensive to meet the elusive Bucky, whom she’s always missed despite having visited Sam consistently throughout college. Once she meets him, however, she wonders how she’ll be able to run from love when they share a bathroom.

A/N: Hey, so I'll be updating this most Wednesdays. I'll try my hardest to stay regular. 

I wrote this using an OFC bc I cannot work my brain to replace my name with fucking Y/N and I know I'm not the only one. (I always end up reading it as fucking "yuuhnnumm"). I am fully in love with Zazie Beetz so our OFC is completely based on her except maybe a lil chubbier because why not. Really for the apartment just picture the layout of the New Girl loft.

I always have a confusing time picturing characters in fics so I'm gonna lay it out for y'all. Steve is full nomad, them honey brown locks and the full beard. Joey's hair is natural like Zazie so often wears it. Bucky is just Seb in fall/winter 2017 because I am weak for the I, Tonya press tour look. Sam is Mackie's classic look. The rest of the characters can be left to the imagination.

Also  I mention good music so listen to that if you want. Please let me know if you like this and follow my hot garbage tumblr.

Special thanks to @buckybarnesxoxo for asking to be tagged!

the AO3

Stay Sexy

It’s the bathroom that really impresses Joey. She believed Sam when he said the apartment was nice. On seeing it for the first time when moving in, she discovers that her best friend is distinctly incorrect. A working sink is nice. A proper heater is nice. A nearby laundromat is nice. This loft, this four-bedroomed palace, is exquisite in comparison to her previous abodes. The kitchen has all its necessary appliances. There are a washer and dryer in unit. The walls are thick enough that if Sam was stabbed in his neighboring room, she would maybe hear it. Four bedrooms with their very own closets. All of these have her speechless as she tours around. However, as stated above, it’s the bathroom that is killer. The idea of sharing said room with three men is maybe one of the more foreboding aspects of her new sweet digs, but once she sees the giant clawfoot shower and tub, she is sure the positives will heavily outweigh the negatives.

She immediately slides down into her new porcelain palace. She’s a medium height at 5’6”, and even she has to point her toes to touch the far end of the tub. She sighs comfortably and is already planning an essential oils combination for her first real bath when the door swings open and her fantasy is interrupted by one her new roommates. He’s the one she hasn’t met yet but Sam and Steve have shown her plenty of pictures. His hair looks soft and well-coiffed and he wears a tank top under an unbuttoned striped short sleeve button down. Rather than judgment appearing across his abnormally handsome face, he smiles like there was nothing else he could have expected when entering the bathroom.

“You see I specifically told Steve to get a bathtub that doesn’t come with a human.”

“Oh no, you got it all wrong. I’m actually a ghost here to haunt you but hygienically. Instead of boo, I say floss.” She says without a beat and he nods, very seriously, in response to this.

“You know I’m pretty sure I just carried in a bed to our fourth room that might be more comfortable than the tub, but who am I to judge one’s preferred sleeping arrangements.” His quip is followed by another fantastic smile, and based on the past ten seconds of her life Joey is absolutely sure that this is her kind of human.

She smiles back and extends her hand from the tub. “Joey.”

“Bucky,” He shakes her hand and nods again.

“You guys brought up my bed? I told Samuel to let me handle that shit.”

He laughs and scratches his beard, “Ah just gave me another opportunity to show Sam how much stronger I am than him. And Steve the chance to show up both of us.”

Joey chuckles and silently appreciates how Bucky balanced his dig on Sam with some light self-depreciation of himself. Although it would be unrealistic to pretend that anyone was stronger than Steve. The man is built. “Seriously though, I’ll come help y’all out. I’m not gonna be the useless roommate.” She gets out of the tub and starts out the door.

“Oh I wouldn’t worry about that, I think Sammy’s got that title covered, Darlin’.” He follows her out and therefore doesn’t see her face cringe at the pet name.

She considers calling him on it when Sam yells from the front door, “I know you’re not in there besmirching me to my very own best friend Barnes,” He enters view sweaty and smiling, “And I especially know she wasn’t participating, because she is my best friend and therefore automatically on my side.” He wraps his arm protectively around her shoulders causing her to shrug away from him with her nose scrunched.

“Consider our friendship on sabbatical until you take a shower, Wilson.” Joey continues backing away.

“Jesus I always knew your personality stank but I guess the inside always comes out huh.” Bucky mirrors Joey’s disgusted face as he walks towards the door.

Sam rolls his eyes, “Not funny.” Although the involuntary “Hah!” Joey lets out at Bucky’s comment seems to contradict his statement. Sam just flips her off.

“Thank you, Doll. You see Sammy, even your best friend thinks I’m right.” Bucky mocks as he heads back outside.

This time Sam sees her face twist in reaction to the nickname. Misinterpreting it he grumbles, “Oh come on there’s no way you can smell me from over there.” He starts to head to his room, presumably for deodorant.

Joey follows Bucky downstairs to help with some more furniture moving. Steve is outside their building, ass in the air, bent over picking something up. “Damn Rogers,” Joey calls out appreciatively, “If I knew I’d be getting a view like that I would have shacked up with you years ago.”

He stands up, holding up an entire bookshelf on his own, further challenging the poor under armor shirt that is being stretched to hell on his giant frame. “Hey killer, thanks for joining us.”

She picks up a lamp and smiles at him, “Well I figured you guys needed the extra muscle.”

His smile is bright against his beard as he walks into the house with the ease of a man who isn't carrying a bookshelf.

The four of them finish loading their sporadic furniture into the loft and the afternoon fades to early evening. An old but amazing and huge high-quality leather sectional provided by Steve’s mom. Sam’s flat screen, whom he’s named Esmeralda, and may or may not have a near sexual attraction to. Bucky’s records and a player that’s older than any of them, plus a big wooden dinner table his Dad handmade. Steve’s varied level of completed canvases and paint stuff. Joey’s shelves and chairs she found on the side of the road her senior year in college. A mix of plates, bowls, and utensils have been loaded into varying drawers and cabinets. As well as cooking instruments, although, beyond Joey’s waffle iron and an old cast iron from Steve, it’s all Sam’s. Everyone’s personal boxes and furniture is piled in their own rooms.

Joey sits on the kitchen island as the boys lean against it, all sipping the cheap beer Joey bought as penance for them carrying her bed in. She takes that moment to appreciate the weird chain of events that got her where she is now. She and Sam have been friends since grade school. They went to different colleges but remained good ol’ buddies throughout. When they graduated Joey traveled around and did an apprenticeship with an Italian glassblower. Sam went to Culinary school, and when he graduated the second time around Joey was offered a job with a world-renowned blower (god she will never get tired of calling her profession that) stateside. After little luck finding a two bedroom inexpensive enough for the two of them, Steve, one of Sam’s old college buddies Joey had met many a time during visits, mentioned his friend's dad owned a couple lofts in the neighborhood they were looking in. Sam toured with Steve and Bucky and the three of them signed the lease that day. Sam called Joey that night and announced he was so confident that he forged her signature. He was insistent that it was the best option they’d find, all Steve is a good guy and fellow artist, and even Bucky is sometimes bearable but don’t tell him that. Steve paints and sketches in his free time and works as a personal trainer to pay the bills. Joey knows he isn’t passionate about it, but with his perfect body and matching attitude, she is sure he is fantastic at his job. Sam is starting at a new restaurant with a name Joey can only pronounce thanks to high school French. A plus for living with Sam is that he brings work home with him. Although Joey had visited Sam plenty over the years and even struck up a solid friendship with Steve, she always seems to have missed Bucky. They had never met but she knew he was a language major with a focus in Eastern Europe and Russia. Sam had told her Bucky translated English books into Russian and vice versa and made more money than he should. Earlier Joey had heard him curse in some sort of Slavic tongue when Sam “accidentally” dropped his end of a coffee table on Bucky’s foot. She also had heard a few stories about Steve and Bucky’s childhood, the rambunctious troublemakers lived up to every tall tale. As the four nursed their beers she felt confident that this was going to be a very important group of people in her life.

“Joey?” Sam snapped her out of her thoughts.

“What?”

“Barnes suggested we get more beer and pizza and invite some friends over. Are you down?” The three men looked at her expectantly.

“I say hell yeah. Who are we calling?” She looked down at her watch and was surprised to see it was only 6:30.

“Well there are the couples, Nat and Wanda and Thor and Bruce,” Steve suggested.

“I told Shuri I’d pay her in alcohol if she set up all the tech shit,” Bucky adds.

Steve nods, “Now that you mention it, we should probably invite Tony, he’s the reason we got this place.”

“Tony means at least Rhodey and probably Pep, Clint is a must, and if we invite Wanda we should call Pietro too.” Sam finishes his beer and scrolls through his messages.

“Brunnhilde and Okoye are in town too.” Joey hops off the counter and recycles the empty bottles collecting on the island.

“Alright you guys decide who to invite, and I’ll go get libations and sustenance,” Bucky grabs his keys.

“With the list we’ve got you’ll need some help, I’ll come with,” Joey volunteers.

Bucky smiles vibrantly and nods towards to Steve, “You okay babysitting Rogers?”

“As long as Killer doesn’t mind your unreasonably picky ass,” Steve’s retort is so quick that Bucky and Sam raise their middle fingers simultaneously at their aggravator.

Joey and Bucky decide to start off to the pizzeria three blocks away and pick up the beer on the walk back. The walk begins in mildly uncomfortable silence.

“So… you’re picky?” Joey asks to spark some sort of conversation.

“Nooo..” Bucky’s defensiveness creates an endearing drawl, “Those two pompous asses just don’t understand that I like my pizza simple. Margherita pizza is a fucking gift. Who am I to screw it up with a bunch of American bullshit?” He gestures widely as he speaks.

“You’re kidding right?”

Bucky’s must have misinterpreted her smile as he quickly responds, “Alright I’ve been judged enough in my life, I know you lived in Italy and-”

“No, no, Bucky!” She grabs his forearm, “Margherita is my favorite! I ate it all the time in Italy, judgment-free.”

“Jesus Christ Doll, where have you been all my life?”

She smiles and they continue a brisk pace to the pizza place. “How did you know I lived in Italy?”

“Ah, I know plenty about you. Sammy talks about you non-stop, has since I met him. Steve even thought he was secretly in love with you until he hung out with you in person.”

This makes Joey raise her brows, “Really? Wow. What, if I may ask, ultimately caused him to accept our relationship as extraordinarily platonic? Was it the sibling-like side hugs? The lack of sexual tension in our banter? The fact that I knew him during his first mustache phase?”

“Are you telling me there was a skinnier mustache than the one we know and mildly tolerate?”

“I’m talking Prince but pubescent. It was so thin models asked his mustache for dieting tips. It was so thin his first girlfriend thought he had an eyelash over his top lip. I mean you would’ve thought he drew it on with a ballpoint pen. In fact, it’s very possible it was. Just because I never saw doesn’t mean he never-”

Bucky is laughing uproariously, “Please, please, you’re killing me. I’m gonna need pictures as soon as possible.”

“No can do. I will recite the epic of the mustache homer-style until the day I die, but any physical evidence shared will prompt an all-out war between Samuel and me. That is just something I can’t afford.”

“Oh now I have to see them. What’s your secret shame, sweetheart? Bangs? Braces? Please tell me it was an emo phase,” As he lists off he starts walking backward, the goofy smile didn't dim once.

“I’ll never share, but trust me when I say if you find something behind my back, I’m sure Steve will be more than willing to share some pictures of your past. Emo phase is a good guess, but if I didn’t know any better I’d say that was a projection, hmm?”

That does a good job of replacing his smile with pursed lips and a quirked eyebrow, contemplating his next move in this battle of embarrassing adolescence. “Steve would never betray me.”

“Don’t be so sure, all men have their weaknesses,” She smiles deviously.

“Oh yeah, you gonna seduce him for a picture of me in eyeliner?”

“First of all, I would seduce Steve for much less so thanks for confirming my emo theories. Secondly, I may not know Steve like you do, but I know him well enough to see that seduction would hardly prove fruitful.” She holds the door open for him and they both bask in the practically orgasmic scent of the pizzeria, “Steve is so suspicious of anyone who wants to sleep with him that he’d see through me. My method would be to trick him to do some sort of high school ‘Where are they now?’ portrait. He’d be so inspired he’d paint your lined eyes and black, I’m guessing, over parted hair in a second.” The line is moving slowly and he admires how she never lowers her volume or hides from strangers eyes.

“Damn, Doll, you’re good.”

“I minored in manipulation.” The store isn’t too packed for Saturday night and Sam Cooke is playing lightly in the background. She’s nodding her head and he’s mouthing along to words and when they both realize this they share a smile at the music.

“So Steve is a suspicious mind in your book?” She chuckles at his reference.

“I’m not the biggest drinker and neither is Steve, so when Sammy went hard when I visited, Steve was always good for a tipsy talk. The poor guy has the same self-esteem he must have had in high school. Unlike us three cool cats Steve will show me pictures of his past self. I know you were there through it all, but just because the outside changes doesn’t mean the inside follows suit. I have seen the most dedicated and gorgeous women throw themselves at him and yet he remains sure that she was ‘just being friendly’. It’s actually impressive.”

“I know what you mean. To be fair though a lot of that is just his college girlfriend. She really did a number on him.” He runs a hand through his hair but doesn’t hide his contempt for whoever she is.

Solemn surprise covers Joey’s features, “I never knew. Never met her on any visits.”

“She wasn’t big on him talking to other girls, probably hid him anytime you came around. Although that isn’t my story to tell, I’m sure the punk will tell you about it sometime.” She follows his eye line down to his shoes. He’s drawing stars with the tip of his shoe, a tic she’s just noticing.

“What about you? You have a girl hiding you away, distracting you during your collegiate years? She the reason our meeting was so unluckily delayed until today?”

He thinks about the answer for a second or two. “Nah, no anchor to this ship. At this point, I’m just convinced Wilson just didn’t tell me you were around because he knew you would like me more than him.”

“Well turns out I like Steve better than both of you.”

He puts his hands up and reassures her, “I don’t need to be first, Sweetheart, just as long as I’m on your radar.” As he lowers his hands the song changes and they simultaneously recognize the song, both begin humming the initial notes. “Penny & The Quarters fan huh?” He asks.

“Nobody, baby, but-” she sings before quickly turning her attention to the cashier, “We’ll have two large Everything Pizzas and one large Margherita.” Facing Bucky again she smiles and drops another line that makes his heart race, “Just for you and me, huh?”

The pizza is out quick, and a trip to the local gas station provides them with more than enough beer. They continue discussing music, Joey is surprised at their similarly irregular taste. He describes his favorite Etta James songs, but can’t forget the Simon and Garfunkel song that he thinks is his first love encapsulated. He lists his top three favorite rappers after ranking contemporary folk bands. She adds in her opinions sporadically, and he apologizes twice for dominating the conversation when they get in the elevator.

She is being honest when she says, “There’s nothing I want to hear more than whatever you’re going to say right this moment.” He thinks that every lyric in every song he’s just listed doesn’t have shit on that sentence.

He’s about to tell her so when an alarming large hand last minute catches the elevator as it closes. The doors open to the Thor and Bruce. The couple is the lynchpin of every good party, from rager to kickback. Thor is the greatest hype man in history but is never hammered, probably because it would take two handles of tequila to get him there. Bruce is much more chill but a secret god at beer pong, not to mention he always has weed. Bucky’s favorite part of their presence always happens when Bruce is particularly high and begins a lecture on some sort of subject no one else understands. He isn’t exactly captivating, especially not to anyone far from sober although his passion is palpable, but Thor will plop down on the couch next to him and watch him like he’s the only thing in the universe (while rubbing Bruce’s neck to keep him from getting too wound up). Bucky loves those guys.

“Looks like we arrived just in time, wouldn’t you say Thor?” Bruce shakes Bucky’s hand and smiles at Joey.

“Of course! I was worried we got too much pizza, but now that you’re here Thor I’m sure you’ll help us with any surplus.” Joey sets the pizzas down before Thor pulls her into a bear hug.

“Joey, you know I never leave a damsel in distress,” Thor agrees as he sets her back on her feet.

Joey’s eyebrow playfully shoots up, “Who are you calling damsel, Odinson?”

“In this case, definitely Sam. I’m surprised he even let you order out.” Bruce answers for his boyfriend.

“My love is right in my insinuation. Never ever have I seen you anywhere near damsel status Joe.” Bucky watches their interaction with curiosity.

The elevator dings and Bucky asks, “This may seem like a dumb question but how do you guys know each other? Just through Sam?”

Joey picks up the pizzas as Thor holds the door open, ”Thor’s siblings and I were all in a group home together as teens. I’ve known this big lug long before he was the Nordic party god we see before us.” Thor laughs and he and Bruce go to greet everyone inside.

“Are you telling me Thor hasn’t always been a blonde beefcake?” Bucky whispers in Joey’s ear as they set the pizza and beer on the counter.

“Sadly no, he’s looked like that since I met him. I just like making that joke because he’s too humble to care.” She makes note that he doesn’t question the foster home part of her story. She wonders just what Sam has told him about her past.

People start to crowd the food and drinks, so Joey and Bucky greet everyone who has arrived. Nat is there sans Wanda, who is at home sick. Bucky knows this means Nat will be leaving early. Pietro made it despite his ill sibling, but he still looks pretty sick of the conversation in front of him. Shuri and Clint are mid-argument about the chicken and the egg when Bucky thanks them for coming. Clint gives him a smile and points to a fake succulent on the table and mumbles, “Got you guys a housewarming present,” before returning his attention to telling Shuri that the Chicken is the obvious choice. Shuri tells Bucky she set up the wifi and the apple tv and Clint doesn’t even register that she’s talking over him. Bucky kisses her cheek and hands her a beer.

Steve is sitting with Bruce and Thor on the couch, all of them engrossed in conversation and pizza. Sam is chopping fresh onion for his pizza when Bucky asks, “These are the few you could bribe to get here?”

“These losers are the only ones without any plans on a Saturday night,” Sam says without looking up.

Clint and Pietro both look up and say a simultaneous, “Hey!” Before turning their attention back to their conversation.

“T’Challa and Nakia are in Paris. Brunnhilde has a gig tonight. Okoye hung up on me when I said pizza and beer. Parker has an exam. Tony named six events he was invited to tonight and would’ve kept going if Steve hadn’t hung up. Pepper and Rhodey are probably plus thing one and two wherever Tony ended up at. Thus, this motley crew is all we got.” Sam sprinkles his diced onion on top of his already spilling slice and when he bites into it his groan stops the conversations surrounding the apartment.

“Lame. Your intestines are not going to be thanking you for that monster you are devouring under the alias of pizza.” Joey makes a face as he continues to stuff his face.

“Like eating just mozzarella and basil is enjoyable at all,” Sam dismisses her and joins the rest of their crew.

“Heathens,” Bucky dramatically admonishes their friends, “You ready Doll?”

This time he catches the tightening of her expression at his comment, ”Born ready.” They both grab a piece of their untouched pizza and taps crusts in cheers.

Part 2

Part 3

Thanks for reading!

[rkwxnb]

shout out to rookies!

This is going to be short. At least now that I’m typing this I hope it would be since I’m a few seconds from knocking out. On top of that, I know I’m going to forget really important people for the same reason of why I hope this would be short... also because as always, I am doing this last minute. ( peace!! ) 

Rookies as the great Miss Grande once said. “One taught me love. One taught me patience. And One taught me pain.” I hope you all feel me when I say that’s all on you, RK! --- “Thank you, -- my stay tune for my next muse.” 

Now that cringe moment is over with. I wanna do a roll-call at my special people! For those who stuck with me during the times, I was in rookies and while I was out doing god-knows-what.

RKCAP: This asswhole muse of mine who got into scandals and ruined one friendship after another, found his family ( by bond and friendship ) though this rp. Even until now I have to say he is the strongest muse in my whole rp-history. Having played him over at least two-years, before dropping his booty from wanting to become an idol, and evidently out of rookies. Outcast by his own family, with the help of the bro/anti-squad ( @aronrk - strawberry bruh! @rkkangjoon - lover joon! @rkgray - co-parenting daddy bruh + @rkxminhee - little minx min @rkwendy calm and collected sis @borark my get out of jail free card ) Not to mention, his little shit brother @rkohsehun NODDLEBOY! you’re all fam and I don’t have to tell you how many times I wish I can bring this boy back because of you lot! 

Special shout-out to his ladies Jieun- ( @yujurk ) and Elly ( @hyunark ) them girls are his solid. Soulmates and Lovers. They are the core reason that he is still sane. One can say, they are his everything. 

Yo seriously, Maddy you are by far one of the coolest people I’ve met. You’re insanely solid, my utmost respect to you. Shinobi-- the one-third of IwaBoKuro, see we’re even an ot3 in real life! You’re extremely dedicated to your muses, much like how you are with your friendships, never change bruhski! Saaaammmiiiieee!!! You are by far one of the kindest people I have ever come across, thank you for being you! Clara... gurl wait till Toshi’s turn uwu  Em, you’ve made me such a happy puppy by coming back to rookies! I wish you and baby girl the best in life!

To my first child, Stef, sana okay ka na babybear! I’ve known you since why before rookies and in fact, I remember suggesting you play Sehun when Minsoo’s fc was still Chanyeol’s so we can have exo bruhs! Pero despite all that, I’m seriously proud of how much you’ve grown, you are one of my precious people. Though we don’t speak that much any more, alam I’m always here for you!

To my child, Nana, fix yourself before you wreck yourself! I miss you lots crazy and I hope we get to talk soon. I really wanna hear what's happening with life and how you’re surviving uni. What’s more is we both know that Hyo-Min is actually the IT soulmates, and the whole of Rookies know it. ( if you’re a new mun and you’re reading this... It’s true, believe me uwu ) I hope we have muses with that much of a strong connection again! Love you my mad child! 

To my co-parenting mom, Jen, girl what you doing with your life?! We’ve had our ups and down, despite all that bullshit we’re at it again. To a degree, it’ll never be the same but I do wish if anything, our friendship will grow stronger instead. Your muses played as my muses lover, twin and admirer, but in real life, you once told me that you believe people have seven soulmates, though you’re a little shit that believes Yoongi is one of them. You did mention I maybe have taken a spot to, so no take-backs asshole. You’re stuck with me now. Peace!

RKTOSHI: This boy was Minho- then Dean... Then Yuto, heck back to Minho, then finally his sorry ass became Jisoo. He is one of the most complex and interesting muses I have ever played. The shit show he was a part of had been insane, from being a part of the Yakuza to being shot and finally a part of Nova ( like this hoe-man actually got signed! ) Aside from Soyeon ( sit your ass down Jen I already called you out ) he was a part of the Mensa-Squad with his @rkxkjd daddy-D ( KATIE LEE SIGN MY D ) and his @rkjohnny forever-hubby ( that now has his very own princess ). To the only women that kept him on a leash @rkyooa the one that got away and @dahyexrkarchive proxy grandma. Thanks to him joining the mgas he met his adoptive ma @rkjei! 

Yurim!! DADDY-DAE! You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, especially in real life. I utterly respect you from moving away from home and following your dreams. You’re an a-class writer; I wish you the all the best for your endeavors! 

Claraaaa ‘te~ The leader of rkpinoy squad-- seriously, even Johnny boy if from the Philippines. You’ve kept me sane and has been the voice of reason to many, including myself and my shit show muse. We once had an almost ship with Toshi and Wendy, but somehow I’m glad it didn’t work out because DANG LOOK AT YOU AND HUGO! Sana happy ka sa work and I’m always looking forward to your sports commentary be it figure staking, basketball, volleyball and cheerleading, Lab you sis! 

Bun, the 2nd-third of IwaBoKuro--!! Man, I love the fact that we embody our muses even outside the roleplay. Still completely in touch irrespective of the fact that you’re no longer in this rp. You still the best! Much like Dahye kicks Toshi’s ass ( literally and figuratively ) you do the same with me, except more in the game-mode xP Whenever you wanna come back, I’ll be sure to have another mess of a muse to latch on to yours like a leech. 

Nic, you angel. Even though we’ve only just gotten closer this year, I swear to God I am truly blessed for having you in my life. You’re one of my persons. You’re exceptionally strong and amazingly kind and considerate. I am sorry for all the bullshit you had to go through here and I’m hella proud you didn’t let those get you down and give up on your muses! 

Roe, my true soulmate. Holy shit. I reckon its more than five years since we’ve known each other. You’re muse almost married mine. Heck, we have plans to platonically get married ( because we gonna cheat the system ). I absolutely cannot imagine my life without you. You are my ultimate person. As you rightly said in your post, my ride and die. The strongest and fiercest of people, both in the real world and rp. You take no shit from anybody and would fight for what you believe is right, especially stand up to those who are getting bullied. Without being anymore sappy, I do love you with all of me and I am always gonna be here for you. Just because you are amazing and worth it all. 

RKNAEUN + RKAVERY: My two latest muses ( actually the ones currently in rookies ) I never imagine there would be a time where I would have only female muses in rookies. Considering my strongest muses here were the boys. But keeping you both and actually maintaining your arc ( plus organizing your points properly ) is something I’m actually proud of myself of. Since Avery is still relatively new ( her strongest bonds have yet to fully form, but one of them is definitely Hoby! ) I’mma focus on Naeun’s friendships! From the chaebol-childhood friends to fam @rkchaeyoung her idol unnie to @rksunwoo best oppa sunwoo. her dancing queen leader @rkhyojeong and her best friend 4eva @rkleeflix . I want to thank all of you for being her inspiration! 

Special shoutout to Amy we too old for optimism but I shit you know if I know anyone who’s going to make it through all this, it’ll be you! You are the most real person that I know. Oddly enough we got closer when I came back in rookies then my first time around here. You’ve been there for me in the toughest times, even though I know you were going through you’re own worries. I’m eternally grateful for that. With everything said and done, I hope I can return even slightest bit of happiness and comfort you’ve given me, because I know I can’t match all the times you’ve had to deal with me.Thank you loads for everything, me hearts you!

Thank you rkmods/admins. Without you, I would not have met all these precious people. Thank you for tirelessly listening to all of us whine about how unfair everything is and still remain here. Thank you for giving us your time and efforts to keep our escape from the real world alive. Most importantly, thank you for being the backbone of all this glorious foundation. You all is amazing. Happy RKFIFTH and I hope many more to come! 

Yours,  ( Lyn | @rkavery + @rkxsnn ) 

P.S. I lied this wasn’t short at all. [ sorry for the grammatic/spelling errors... lets be real if this post didn’t have those, then you can all speculate that I didn’t actually write it. 

[wessonba]

I signed up for a Diana Gabaldon talk and book signing in Fairfax, Virginia well before Outlander Starz was a thing.  It was a sold out event and the one and only time I ever stood in line to meet someone famous. Worried about my navigating (and rightfully so) D.C. traffic, my husband drove me five and a half hours for an event he didn’t have a ticket for. Unbeknownst to him, I had put him on the waiting list and he got in!!!! He was thrilled (hard eye roll here)!!!! As it was our first time at such an event, we didn’t know what to expect and were a little shocked to see a line into the auditorium that wrapped itself through and around a very large campus building.  I was walking with a cane at the time and crestfallen, I knew I would not be able to stand in line. My big burly manly man of a husband breached the crowds of plaid clad women to secure us a place while I sat feeling guilty in a chair.  It remains one of the nicest things he has ever done for me.  Listening to Diana speak and meeting her in person was a surreal ordeal, but well worth everything we went through.  As great as it was to meet her and despite my love for the actors on the show, I can’t see myself waiting outside or inside a venue for the hours it seems to take to meet them.  However, …I swear I would for Matt B. Roberts, LOL!

What can I say?  I’m a fan of writing and Outlander and he is my favorite Outlander script writer. I feel like I “get” him and the way he thinks. Well. at least about Outlander. No, …I really DO get how he thinks BECAUSE of Outlander.  I have learned that not everything a writer wants to be said or happen on a show comes to fruition. There are a lot of voices and logistics influencing the final product.  However, it is obvious to me what are Matt’s focuses and influences when I see an episode he has written.  In my humble opinion, he truly understands why this story and its characters are special. He sees through to the heart of what is happening. He gets what the story is saying about people, life, love, and family. That he is able to translate that visually continues to be a wonder to me.  Case in point? Outlander episode 4.9 “The Birds and the Bees”.

I recently republished a blog post  in honor of the 4.9 episode. I wrote about how I have grown to appreciate Diana’s imaginings of the first meeting of Jamie and his adult daughter. In that article, I point out how the expectations of that moment would have to have been unrealistic.  The import placed on this meeting cannot be understated for either the characters or the fandom. I remember the first time I read it, I was a bit disappointed. I think I was expecting some equivalent of colonial fireworks.  Diana didn’t give me or Brianna what we expected instead she gave us what we …needed. I found myself measuring this episode against that standard.  Did Matt B. Roberts and writing partner Toni Graphia give us what we expected or what we needed?

We Needed to See Their Faces

I’m starting to appreciate how important it is for actors to emote. Not everything can be communicated in dialogue nor should it be in a visual medium.  We sometimes need to see what a character is feeling and I felt their were some really important feelings revealed in this episode.  Lizzie, Ian, Murtagh, Roger and all three Frasers told us volumes with a mere expression.

I found myself really looking at Roger’s face in this scene.  At first he seems just irritated that he still has to deal with Bonnet.  He doesn’t have time to deal with this piece of shit. He needs to find Brianna. When the reality of what the Captain is saying, he will be sailing to Philadelphia, starts to sink in you can see the resignation.  I’m not sure why, but I felt like Roger’s expression was slightly sardonic. Of course he isn’t done with Bonnet, of course he is about to get pulled away from Brianna before he can tell her he hasn’t left.  This is no idle threat. He is well and truly screwed. However, he cannot show too much emotion. You don’t want to give this monster any clues as to how you are feeling and give him any ammunition. How ironic that the one person he is desperate to protect from Bonnet is already his victim. His “especially when it comes to women” line made me cringe.  I think uttering “poor Roger” under my breath is about to become a regular thing.

Brianna. Within the span of a few minutes we see her face reveal what has to be the entire span of human emotion. I felt emotionally exhausted just watching her swing from grief to hope and back again.

I’m not sure I need to comment.  These faces speak for themselves.

We Needed to Know Roger Didn’t Leave

There were some pretty big departures from the book in the last few episodes and I have learned (not easily mind you) to be patient.  Episodic TV can try that patience when you have to wait a whole week to get answers and everyone in the fandom is speculating and spouting disappointment. There are some things I still need to know about Roger and his storyline, but the biggest thing I needed to know was if he actually left. I needed to know he didn’t. I needed to know that it was just an argument fueled by some really piss poor communication, but that it was just an argument and not an abandonment. Nothing more happened than what has happened in my own and many other’s relationships. People got angry and said stuff they really didn’t mean out of hurt and stubborn pride. I needed to see when Roger did leave it wasn’t his choice. I knew when he left with Bonnet, he was coming back.

We Needed This Scene, This Exact Scene

Jamie meets the child he sacrificed all for. The child he never thought to see. Like all important moments like this, reality is never quite as we expected.  Nothing is ever as good or as bad as we might think.  Brianna only knows what she has been told about her “father” Jamie. He had to seem the stuff of legend and fairy tales to her. Her first view of her father was of him relieving himself. That very human reality took him very quickly from fairytale hero to just a man.  It was what exactly what she needed. Her expectations needed this adjustment.  I was thrilled to see they kept this part of the book!  Well, maybe not actually thrilled, maybe a bit uncomfortable, but you get the point.  She rounded that corner looking for someone bigger than life and found a man, a man whose arms were safe place to rest.

In my blog, I point out that Brianna learned more about her father in the few minutes he didn’t know who she was than in all the stories she could have been told about him.  We know fans can often loudly complain about any changes from the book. There were changes to this scene, but none that greatly affected its impact. Brianna learns that her father is loyal, firm, but kind and most importantly that he loves her.  It was so very close to how Diana imagined it.  Creating that visual representation of her imaginings was definitely made easier by actors who seem to inhabit their characters. Sam Heughan was absolutely amazing.  Sophie Skelton played Bree’s excitement and trepidation to perfection. When she fell into Jamie’s arms all felt right with the world.

We Needed Our Mothers

I still struggle with Claire’s decision to leave her daughter in the future. I appreciate that the show allowed Claire to show us she still struggled with that decision. Although she seemed shocked and overjoyed to see Bree, I had the sense that she was also dismayed.  The past is a dangerous place for a woman and I was struck by all that happened because Bree needed her mother. I would find it difficult to reconcile all that loss and wondered at how it would affect Claire’s relationship with Jamie. Bree is obviously struggling and Claire can see it, but she also knows that Bree is a woman now and as such can no longer be compelled as a child to tell her what is going on. However, Brianna needs her mother maybe more than she ever has.  She needs her mother to draw her out and comfort her.  We needed to see that happen.

We Needed To Feel Our Way

I love that this show takes its time with people. The tender and tentative dance between Bree and Jamie was needed.  They are virtual strangers. Strangers who want and hope and long and need to find a way to a come together and build a relationship. We needed to see them tiptoe around Frank. We needed to hear Jamie’s gratitude towards Frank and Bree’s guilty feelings about wanting to be with Jamie. We needed to see Jamie’s avid attentiveness to Bree’s every move and his constant furtive glances and smiles. We needed childhood stories, working together on the ridge, and time around the table family.

We Needed to See That Bree Understood

While it was obvious that Jamie was studying Bree.  It wasn’t quite as obvious that she was studying him and maybe more importantly, she was studying Jamie with Claire.  Bree telling Claire about Franks’s knowing she came back to Jamie was unexpected. The sadness with which this news was received gave me lump in my throat. I felt for all of well-intentioned choices and unintentional pain in Claire’s marriage to Frank. I’m not sure what Claire was supposed to do with that knowledge except feel guilt and regret, but Bree’s acknowledging she understood why Claire had to return was also unexpected and a…gift.

We Needed to Share Our Feelings

The quiet conversations between Jamie and Claire were everything. I get another lump in my throat just thinking about them. Jamie sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his aching hand, a reminder to us that he too suffered what he does not yet know Brianna suffered. It reminds us that he has known so much pain and loss in his life and Brianna’s return is an unforseen and never dreamed of reality that he doesn’t want to end. He is human after all and a father wants his child to stay. Jamie’s openness and vulnerability with Claire is one of the main reasons this couple holds a special place in my heart. He is able to share his fears and regrets and his joys with her and know she does not judge him. In her arms, he safe to be himself without fear. In return, we know that he constantly thinks of her and a large part of his joy in Brianna’s return is because he knows Claire misses her so much.  His joy in Claire’s return to him has to be constantly colored by her leaving Bree. This child was the impetus for all the sacrifice and the 20 years of loneliness. Their constant touching and silent looks communicate their gratitude for all they have. But, I also feel each touch acknowledges the weight of all they have lost. They have Bree now, but they lost 20 years together with her.

We Needed Something to be Simple

In the end, Bree’s pregnancy, Claire’s promise, Lizzie’s mistaken assumptions, Jamie’s parental protective instincts, will result in complications that will change everything for everyone and I can’t say I’m looking forward to witnessing what happens.  And so, I’m grateful that Matt and Toni gave us something else we needed. The gave us something simple. They gave us birds, and bees and a name Jamie has longed to hear …Da.

    A sweetness that cuts…a reflection on Outlander episode 4.9 “Birds and the Bees I signed up for a Diana Gabaldon talk and book signing in Fairfax, Virginia well before…

[gojaimas]

Late Comments

Hello people. It’s been four months since I finished I Wanted What I Saw That Day, and I’ve received many more comments since then. I figured I’d do some more responses, and give you all a quick update on what my plan is for writing more in the future.

So, I’ve been taking a bit of a break from writing, but I’ve been mulling over ideas for my next story and I think I’m ready to start planning it out officially now. It’s gonna be set in the Legend of Zelda universe, and it will be mostly centered around original incarnations of pre-existing character archetypes that have appeared throughout the series. But just so you know, it will still be a long time before I start posting again, so please be patient with me.

Now, onto your comments:

EternalWisdom: “I just gave a standing ovation for a fanfic of a cartoon from my childhood: That's how good you are. I've already praised much of the technical work such as your pacing and understanding of the characters, but I'd be lying if I said this Final Chapter didn't just play my heart strings like a golden violin. I intend for my own work to (eventually) convince readers of my characters having 3-Dimensional, 'clicking' personalities like the masterpiece you just bestowed upon our nostalgic, incest-supporting fandom. Best of wishes from an avid reader (with a somewhat pretentious name I came up with years ago), yours sincerely, EternalWisdom.”

Wow, thanks! It’s very nice to hear people found my depictions of the characters to be that well done. And don’t worry too much about your name. I’m already hoping I don’t live to regret choosing a broken japanese phrase for mine.

Anonymoose: “Sneaky how Lucy suddenly became the main character. Loved it the ending. I wouldn’t change it or create an alternate. It was perfectly bitter sweet.”

Lucy’s always been sneaky, after all. And thanks, I plan to leave the ending alone for now. I will still consider continuing it in some way in the future though.

justanaverageguy: “"I wanted what I saw that day."...I would pull a CinemaSins and say "Roll Credits," but I would also say it was well used in this work (Plus, it was in the last chapter, after all). I had always thought the "I" in the title was Gwen, but seeing that it was actually Lucy was a great reveal. Lucy truly was the star of this fic. Her character makes this one stand out among anything else (that I've read at least) from this community. I've always seen Ben and Gwen as a great duo ever since I first watched the show, and I will always enjoy fics and episodes focusing on those two. But seeing these three work as a trio was quite a unique take on the characters, and they work so well together. Hats off to you, my friend, for what might possibly be my favorite Ben 10 fanfic. I look forward to checking out what else you may do. I am a Zelda fan too, so I'll probably end up seeing your work again at some point. Until then, ciao!

I couldn’t resist the title drop! It was really fun holding onto the secret of the title’s true meaning for nine whole months while everyone else tried to figure out what it meant. I’ve said before that I’ve probably done more for the Lucy fandom than I have for the Bwen fandom at this point. I would certainly like to see her appearing in more stories. Thank you for your compliments, average guy! I look forward to your reactions to my Zelda story in the future!

jairoesme: “wow that was epic I wasn't expecting the title to show up in there as I read that part it felt so strong. Great story”

Thanks! Seeing everyone reacting to the title drop like this seriously has me giggling. I love it!

Spazbulba: “That was pure magic - it has been years since I was simultaneously both so happy and so sad with the end of a story. Gojaimas You truly are a Legend!”

Truly.

armandaza: “I wanttt moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, no wayyyyyyy T_T”

More??

Guest: “Well, it took me 17 and a half hours to do it, but I finished it. All 300,000 words of it. I gotta say, this has been one of the best bwen stories I’ve ever read in my life. I was so excited to see that there was a new story to read after not looking for months, I read it all in one day! I was wondering something though. Since you basically have the market cornered on Ben 10 fanfic now that everythings died down so much, I was wondering if every now and then, you could post another story about it. Not necessarily long ones, just a one-shot every now and then and maybe a longer one if you’re up to it (maybe even a few stories with Lucy and Ben or even Gwen). It’s been ten years since Ben 10 ended, so there isn’t much more new material out there for the community to enjoy. I know you said you were planning on moving on after this, but maybe every now and then, when you’re stumped with writers block or you’re just bored, maybe you could throw together a little story for us. If it’s even a fraction as good this story was, it would honestly make everyone’s day to have something new to read, especially if you’re writing it. :) Cheers man, happy writing. -Just another fan”

Wow, 17 and a half hours? Damn, dude. I hope you got some sleep after that. But also, wow, that’s really flattering! I’m glad you liked it so much. Doing little Ben 10 one-shots set in my story’s canon every now and then as I work on my Zelda story is something I’ll consider. I grew really fond of working with those characters, so it’s definitely something I’d love to do again some time.

Guest: “Beautiful. What a journey this was” Dark Ace Demon: “What a journey. Thank you for posting this masterpiece up, truly.“

Thank you! Alexa, play “Don’t Stop Believing.”

Guest: “Just as an FYI, a werewolf is a man-wolf. Wer being the old english word for man." (Context: Chapter 12)

That was based on a real conversation I had with someone back when I was (even more of) a little know-it-all. Gwen is smart, but she’s still a kid. She can make mistakes too. I was the Gwen at the time. I was corrected by Snape when I watched the third Harry Potter movie.

GoodScottish: “That was an amazing read and well worth staying up all night to finish it but its just left me wanting so much more. There is just so many things that i want to know what happens next to. Like what happens to Lucy does she find that special someone? What do Ben and Gwen get up to on this summer vacation? Does grandpa Max find out? What happens when they get back can they keep hiding it? And most importantly for me what happens when their parents find out?”

Many thanks, good scotsman! I know there’s still a lot left unanswered, but that’s how Ben and Gwen feel now too. They still have a long road ahead of them. Maybe I’ll write more of it one day, but I think that was a good place to leave it for now. Also, today I’m finding out a lot of my readers have terrible sleeping habits.

Mason: “Your country is proud of you son.”

Fuck yeah!

Kira Sema: “Anyone else reread this in the span of a couple days and start crying all over again? Because here come the waterworks all over again. I know I reviewed, but had to review again after a reread. I think I've said this before, but I relate to Lucy so much. It's hard not to be considering how she felt. Great story once again. Even though it's 48 chapters, all those chapters were worth it and all as much in character as they could be.”

Thank you once again, Kira Sema! I’ll admit I often cringe too hard at my own writing to reread too much of it, but I’m glad you enjoyed it as much the second time around!

Guest: “I read through this everyday... it’s a bittersweet ending. It was like waiting for an anime episode every week and you feel sad when it’s over, so you go through it again holding onto hope for a season 2.”

I know that feel.

“I’ll even wait as long as for an incredibles sequel if I have to.”

Um. I have some good news for you on that front, buddy.

“I had no idea the story would stop there though so it kinda threw me off guard... I was all “wait it’s really over?!” I thought we’d deal with more of having their relationship bloom, being exposed and we’ll have a year 4 summer trip before coming to an end. I mean having the epilogue near the end of a summer trip would really match the beginning of where Ben and Gwen started off in the story but show us how much has changed between the two of them. But I guess it depends on how we look at it, we could also view it as the “Start of Something New” with Ben & Gwen going to their trademark summer trip as a couple then they were as kids who couldn’t wait to get rid of each other at the end of it in the beginning, so maybe it’s a sign that their story isn’t over yet. Lucy was one of the most breathtaking and heartbreaking characters in this story, kind of like menma, a bit of an airhead. always happy, puts other people infront of her feelings.”

She probably was one of my minor inspirations for Lucy’s character. I think I watched Anohana at some point while I was writing this story, hence the inspiration for the title. I love that little cutie.

Thank you for the rest of your comment too, kind guest! I really appreciate you taking the time to write such a glowing review of my work. I’m glad I was able to give you another Bwen story to read!

Guest: “Mr. Gojaimas, I don’t feel so good...”

I love how Infinity War came out during the time I was posting this. I’ll always associate my story with this meme because of my fans, and I’m very happy about that.

TargaryenFire: “Hey Just came here to say i am loving this story, one of the best i have ever read with this ship. Not wanting to be a bother, but will Gwen's anodite blood come into play in the future?”

Thank you! You’ve probably seen your question answered in a different chapter by now, but just in case: Anodites don’t exist in my story, Gwen is completely human, and a lot of other stuff from the sequels is ignored.

Guest: “Your legend will live on...”

Hopefully in the form of oddly specific fandom inside jokes.

Shirokokuro: “You did an excellent job on this-especially in keeping within the 4-year timeline you had set! It was all so sweet, and that ending of them going on a summer trip together was amazing! Here's to you on being such a dedicated and awesome author!”

Thanks so much! I’m pretty happy with how everything turned out, and I’m glad you liked it too.

Lost: “I think I just binge-read this whole thing. Uh. It was riveting, to say the least. The final connection between Lucy's actions, her memories and the title was very powerful. Thanks for writing this! :)”

You are very welcome! Once again, Lucy steals the show!

Guest: “I read the entire story in a week. I loved the character development and how you effectively gave some deeper understanding of the characters not just Ben and Gwen, but also Lucy, Natalie, Joel, Emily, and Julie. I love you so much for creating this fanfiction and your undeniable talent in writing a story. That is why it pains me even more for how the chapter ended and contiualy wished that Proffesor Paradox or even Gwendolyn could just come up from the future and change Lucy's ideas or yours so that the three could be like a three- man couple. I am just so heart broken right now bailing my eyes out and just hoping there is a continuation (not a different ending) where it can be from Bwen to Bwency (I don't know if that's a word).”

Giving minor characters more development is something I’m a huge fan of, as you can plainly see with Lucy. I’m always happy to hear from binge-readers! Bwency is most definitely a word, and if I ever do a continuation, I very well might make it happen! But for now, Ben is simply following this sage advice from yours truly:

Slykke: “Beautiful shit here. Binge read this in 5 days. Really liked how this was wrapped up and how you turned someone that I forgot even existed in the OS into a favorite. Lucy was amazing in this story and now holds a special place in my heart after this. Thank you for the wonderful read and I cant wait to see your next work.”

“Yes, yes! Praise me more!” -Lucy

Amin: “This has such solid plot that every other fanfic seemed inferior. I kinda wish this story was real.”

Thank you! If any Ben 10 writers are reading this and wanna retroactively make it all canon instead of the sequels, that would be just fine by me.

Guest: “when are we gonna get the Lucy route?”

Not sure. Maybe someday. I am very interested in how I could make that happen.

Guest: “Gojaimas is... GOD. He does a miracle and then leaves us. This was the second coming of Jesus Christ.”

I’m flattered, but I’ve never made a tree.

Well, that’s all for now. Bye, everybody! I hope to hear from all of you again someday!

[imagine-by-susu]

Childhood Sweetheart

This was requested by @thefandomfairy567​ and I think I am not very pleased with result I don’t know. Hope you still like it. If not please tell me and I will rethink this whole thing.

Requests are open! List of Fandoms

Word Count: 2.368

Sorry for any grammer or spelling mistakes! English is not my first language.

GIF is not mine!

________________________________________________________________

Laughter of children were heard through the countryside as wooden swords were swung around and boots splashed water high into the air as little feet burst into big puddles on the ground.

It was unusual for the little Sherlock Holmes to laugh so freely in the presence of others. Especially towards other Children. Seeing as he and his older brother Mycroft are kind of special. With their high minds they were mostly bullied for, called freaks even.

But a little Girl at Sherlocks age seemed to not care what the others had to say. The little Girl was named (Y/N) (Y/L/N). A friendly little Girl full of energy. As her parents divorced a while ago she moved onto the countryside with her mother.

She hadn't found any friends. Being new and foreign was not very welcoming to others. But as little (Y/N) watched some kids pushing little Sherlock around she stood up to him and defending the boy. Since that day they were very close.

Mrs. Holmes was delighted to hear that Sherlock made a friend, Mr. Holmes welcoming the little Girl every time she stood in the doorway asking if Sherlock got time for her to play. Mycroft was…well he was Mycroft. He was not very friendly but not mean either. But (Y/N) loved Sherlocks family.

As Sherlock and (Y/N) attended the school for the first time nothing changed. Sherlock still got bullied for his brilliant mind while (Y/N) would call the bullies of and telling Sherlock that they're just big, jealous meanies. There were times even when (Y/N) would cry. She thought it was mean how the kids treated her friend just of his special way of thinking and speaking his mind directly.

Sherlock would never admit it, but he was thankful for his loyal and only friend. Without her he wouldn't know what he would do. Totally foreign to these feelings he felt when the little girl was around him would be pushed aside by his logical mind. This didn't stop in the middle school.

Bullies were Bullies but the young Holmes boy got used to it and ignored it completely while (Y/N) couldn't ignore these cruel jokes that got more and more mean by each passing day. But one day it got worse. Not with Sherlock but with (Y/N). As the bullies finally understood that Sherlock just didn't care they put their target on the (Y/H/C) girl. Calling her names, pushing her around. School went from bad to hell.

Every time (Y/N) showed up with a new scratch or a bruise Sherlock asked her who did this, but the girl just shook her head telling him it was okay. Finally, the boy got his peace he deserved, and she would do anything that this would never change again. So, the middle school went by with many tears and pain for the girl while Sherlock moved on with his live. Even when he knew exactly what his friend went through.

But the high school should change many things. Teenagers are very scary human beings with their high up hormones and all this weird stuff. Sherlock got bullied more often being the big nerd in the whole school while (Y/N) climbed up the rank. Puberty did her very good. Her (Y/H/S) Hair shone in a bright (Y/H/C) coulor, her (Y/S/C) skin was clear and soft and her smile was always bright as the sun. Her body was just the cherry on top.

Not just her looks were admired but her personality. Always on the bright side, smiling and being friendly to everybody who was nice to her. The typical sunny girl. That didn't stop her to be by Sherlock and he was secretly grateful for that. Even when this weird feeling got he felt since childhood crept up from his stomach he ignored it.

But one day after school, the bulling was at its highest till now, Sherlock went home alone. (Y/N) went on a so called 'date' with her new boyfriend. The dark haired boy slammed the door shut as he tried to swallow this big lump in his throat that was close to leave his body in a type of scream.

As the door slams shut Mrs. Holmes called from the kitchen. "Sherlock, dear. Is everything alright?" She could read her kids like an open book. What an intelligent woman she was. Walking out of the kitchen while she cleaned her hands with a towel, she eyed her youngest child with a frown.

"This is the problem, Mother!" he nearly shouted at her not meaning to sound to rough. But Mrs. Holmes didn't even flinch. "What's wrong Sherlock?" she asked placing her now dry hands to his cheeks to make him look at her.

That's when she saw small, almost invisible tears in his blue eyes. "I don't know, and I hate not knowing." He said in a low voice. "Is it because (Y/N) doesn't spend as much time with you anymore?" she asked carefully, and she got her answer as the boy in front of her flinched at the girl's name.

"That would be stupid." With that he grabbed his bag and went up the stairs to his room, ignoring his mother's called for him.

Time went by so fast as Sherlock now face the graduation day. His heart was beating fast because he knew it was probably the last chance he got. The last chance to tell his friend everything. Over the few months left in school he came to the conclusion that he may or may not had feeling for his childhood friend.

But he coverd it as good as humanly possible but with each passing say it was harder as he watched (Y/N) kissing her boyfriend, laughing with him and just had a good time with this guy. Sherlock didn't want to upset (Y/N) in anyway but he had to at least tell her today.

So as the director finished his boring speech and all the people started to leave the big hall, Sherlock went up to (Y/N) who was talking to her mother. "Hey (Y/N)" he said in his low voice that almost cracked as (Y/N) turned around with one of her big smiles. "Oh, Hey Sherlock. Congrats you're a step closer to be a consulting Detective." She said as she hugged him. His body went stiff for a bit but calmed down in an instant as he heard her say these words.

The only person who wouldn't laugh at his dreams and thoughts. "Thanks, Congrats to you, too. I am certain you will make a good nurse." He tried to smile but failed totally which made (Y/N) laugh her angel like laugh. "You remember. That makes me quite happy." Rubbing his neck, the boy looked down to the ground making his friend title her head a bit. "Is everything alright? You don't seem to be yourself today Sherly." She smirked as he cringed at her nickname for him.

"Don't call me that. And yes, I am fine. I just want to…" but he got interrupted as he was pushed aside with the words "Out of the way Freak." As (Y/N) boyfriend made his way to the girl and kissing her. Without any other word Sherlock turned around and walked out of their sight. Without saying any goodbyes to his friend.

 Never in his life had Sherlock imagined hearing her voice again. Seeing her beautiful face or smell her coconut shampoo every again. But as the words "Sherly?!" were said behind him he couldn't believe himself. He turned around and was greeted with (Y/N). She was a lot smaller than the last time they saw each other. Maybe it was because Sherlock had grown a lot in his last teen years. Her (Y/H/C) was still bright but was longer and pulled into a (Y/H/S). Her (Y/E/C) shone into his blue eyes with excitement.

"Oh my…It is indeed you. Sherlock Holmes." She said as she smiled even wider at him. "(Y/N)?" he asked quietly while his friend John just looked confused. "Heard a lot about you Mr. Holmes. Quite popular with the great mind of yours." She said as she pushed him a little. For the first time he was speechless. He was 99,99 % sure to never see her again but somehow, he got those 0,01 % chance to meet her again.

As they parted ways again (Y/N) gave Sherlock her phone number with the promise he should text her as soon as he got time otherwise she would find him. That made the man laugh a little and his friend, John, astonished.

And Sherlock indeed texted her. After he explained to John who the Girl was. "So, she is your childhood sweetheart? I can't believe that you, the great Sherlock Holmes, consulting Detective and highfunctioned Sociopath, got a childhood sweetheart." He teased with a big smile on his face making Sherlock frown.

"What makes you think she is my, as you out it, 'childhood sweetheart' ?" he asked but John looked at him shocked. "Now you're just playing dumb and this doesn't work. You are gonna tell her…"

"Tell who?" a voice came from the door. There she stood. (Y/N) with a bright smile on her face. "How…?" John wanted to ask but she shook her head. "Oh, it was easy to find the most successful detective of London. And the Landlady was so nice to let me in." she explained while John grabbed his coat saying he had something to do as he left leaving the old childhood friends alone.

None of them said a word for whole 5 minutes. "This more awkward than I would have thought it would be." (Y/N) said to break the heavy silence in the room. Sherlock looked up to her eying her. Analyzing everything he could get his eyes on in a matter of seconds.

"Please, Sherlock. I am your friend. You don't have to deduce me anymore." She laughed as she noticed his eyes went up and down her body. "You are not feeling good." He just stated in a cold tone. Slightly, the girl flinched at the coldness of his voice. "W..What?" "Something disturbs you. The big bags under your eyes are visible despite your offered to cover them with make up. Still doesn't suite you. You are very pale and by that I mean a very unhealthy pale." With that Sherlock got up from his chair and walked to the kitchen.

Minutes later they were sitting in the living room, both with a cup of tea in their hands as they caught up on the things that happened the past years they didn't see each other. As Sherlock talked about all those cases and how he met John, (Y/N) literally hung on his cupid bowed lips. As he ended with his stories (Y/N) snapped out of her deep thoughts. "Sherlock" she started making the man look up from his cup. "A few days ago, I visited my Mother on the countryside. Meeting your Mother, too." Sherlocks throat went dry at her words.

A little laugh escaped her lips. "I love you, too" she than said as she took a deep breath. Silence.

Sherlock blinked a few times trying to register her words into his mind. Besides that, he didn't move a muscle. Coughing to get rid of the awkward tension (Y/N) got up. "I should better leave." With that she got up and walked to the door grabbing her coat in the process, but strong hand stopped her before she could touch the door handle.

Confused she turned around but instead of facing Sherlock she met his lips in a kiss. Before she could react, the man pulled away and eyed her. "How long?" he asked making the woman look more confused than before. "Since when do you love me? And…why?" the last question made her laugh.

"Sherlock, I loved you for a long time now. You may seem to be a freak to most of the people. Cruel or Psychotic even but not for me. Since we met all those years ago you were there with me. Believed in me no matter how stupid my ideas were. You are special. Especially for me." She smiled at him while she said those words.

"This could have turned out much less difficult if I had known sooner." He said with the smallest of grins on his face. "Oh, I am so sorry that the great Sherlock Holmes couldn't figure out the simplest of things." (Y/N) laughed making Sherlock laugh, too.

 "I don't if should throw up or say that this is cute." A girl of the age of 15 told her mother as she ended the story. "Hey, you asked, and I gave you answer. At least I am helpful." The girl nodded at that. "Right. Father would just deny that any of that happened." (Y/N) laughed showing little wrinkles around her still shining (Y/E/C) eyes. "Why would I deny my Family?" a deep male voice echoed in the halls as the door slams shut. A man and a boy who seemed to look like twins despite the big age gape walked into the room.

"Where do you two have been?!" (Y/N) stood up crossing her arms and tapping her food impatiently. The boy grabbed a boy from his pocket. "For the best Mother in the World." Grabbing the boy from the boys hand she opened it reveling her favourit Chocolate. "Benedict Holmes you little Charmer." She said with a smile than she looked at her husband.

"I am sure of that, that my beautiful wife would be pleased if I told her that I reserved a table at her favourite restaurant." "Oh, and you Sherlock Holmes …You two went on a Case am I right?" (Y/N) sighed.

"It was Emily's idea to distract you. The chocolate and the restaurant were her ideas, too." He said matter of factly raising his hands as he watched his sister giving him a death glare behind her mothers back.

"See Mr. Holmes. You raised a Detective and Murderer. You must be proud." (Y/N) smiled as she watched her two kids fighting again. "Well, Mrs. Holmes. It always takes two don't you think?"

[blazerina]

Going to Find You (Sean x MC)

Going to Find You (Sean x MC)

Summary: This takes place right after the last chapter of Endless Summer Book 2.  Sean and Taylor are separated, and Sean is putting things together after the helicopter crash. This is Sean’s POV and Part 2 will feature Taylor’s.  

Pairing: Sean x MC (Taylor)

World Count: 1804

Warning: Describes some physical injuries, blood & pain, as well as the processing of traumatic events. Just want to be upfront with that.  Other than that, very mild – no language or innuendos.

Author’s Note: I love Sean even though it seems I have to always write him in a “not so happy, extremely reflective, things suck right now but hopefully they’ll get better” kind of way.  I have not written or posted a story in a while, but I hope this makes people happy to have a little Sean – something to hold us over while we wait for ES book 3.  

--

Sean slowly opened his eyes, his vision blurry and his head throbbing.  He was laying on his back amongst a dense patch of heavy brush and tall grass.  Something sharp was scratching against his left leg.  When he tried to sit up to take a look, he winced, immediately feeling pain in his ribs and shoulder on the right side. Realizing his throwing arm was injured; Sean swiftly laid back down, using his left hand to brush away whatever it was that was causing his leg such discomfort.

Several burrs and thorns had attached themselves to his pant leg. He couldn’t remove them all at once, from the position he was in, so he decided to suffer through it.  His head began to pound as he pinched the top of his nose, between his eyebrows. Sean could no longer be sure there was any part of his body that wasn’t aching, throbbing, or in pain.

He tried hard to steady his mind and collect his thoughts.  

Where am I? What happened? C’mon. Focus.

Sean closed and opened his eyes several times, looking up into the sky.  Taking a deep breath, he kept them open and concentrated.  Images from his childhood engulfed his memory as he contemplated where he was and what was going on.  

For some reason, he began to remember a few special times when he and his brother would retreat to a park, the backyard or some grassy outdoor area so they could watch the clouds. When things were good with his dad, he would join them too. He remembered his voice, so deep, so strong, so soothing.

“What do you see, Sean?”  

He furrowed his brow and studied hard, looking up at the sky. Not wanting to disappoint his dad and respond with “I don’t know…nothing?” He tried to make his mind form the willowy wisps into some kind of shape.

“That one looks like a tiger!” His brother shouted, before he could answer.  Sean envied his little brother’s imagination and his ability to make something wonderful out of nothing.  He was still like that today – positive, encouraging and able to make any bad situation good.

“I see…” Sean trailed off.  “Dad – I don’t really see anything.” He sighed, disappointed.  

“That’s okay, son. Sometimes we need to appreciate the clouds for what they are and not make something out of nothing.” His father reassured him, squeezing his shoulder.

His shoulder.

Sean winced again, still staring at the clouds above him. It wasn’t necessarily a pretty day – the sky was gray and foggy, but tendrils of some kind of cloud were swirling above him. It was dark, whatever it was.  

As he focused, watching it swirl and curl into columns against the already hazy sky, everything clicked inside of his head.

La Huerta.

Rourke.

The Vaanti.

The gate.

Taylor.

The helicopter.

Taylor.

The cloud he was now watching was smoke.  

Smoke!

Sean forced himself to sit up, his heart beating faster and his pulse quickening.  Looking around him, he called out to no one in particular.

“Taylor!”

He continued to cringe as each movement brought him discomfort, but he had to stand up. He had to find her. Sean rolled over onto his stomach and then, using his good arm, he pushed himself up off the grass and brush, into a standing position.  

His whole right side was in bad shape. He could taste blood so he knew his lip was busted.  His knee wasn’t working right and his hip felt out of place.  He shuffled along as quickly as he could, and walked away from the thick meadow where he had been laying.  

“Jake!” Sean was huffing and puffing as beads of sweat were now forming along his brow.  He could see Jake curled up in a ball, closer to the wreckage of the helicopter.

“Jake! We gotta go! We gotta get outta here! The helicopter’s on fire!” Sean wasn’t sure if the words he was speaking were coming out the way they sounded in his head.  Actually, he couldn’t be sure of anything in this moment, as pure adrenaline was taking over.

He knelt down next to Jake and rolled him over onto his back. Sean had to take deep breaths to push through the pain that kneeling caused him.

“Wh –“ Jake coughed, trying to sit up. Sean couldn’t see any blood or any external injuries on Jake at all.

“You okay?” He asked as Jake continued coughing.

“Never better, Cap.” He responded. “What happened? Where’s Princess?”

“She’s not here.” Sean said quietly, a memory of Taylor’s hand slipping out of his flickered across his mind as he inhaled sharply, recalling this for the first time since he woke up.

Stumbling a little, as if he had been punched and the wind knocked out of him, he repeated, “She’s not here…I…I…let her go…”

“That’s smoke!” Jake pointed to the horizon and the wreckage of the helicopter, smoldering only a few feet away.

“We gotta go.  Is Katniss ok?”

Still in shock, Sean answered, “I don’t know…”

“Com ON, Sean! We gotta move!”  

Jake hopped up and immediately fell back down.  “That’s not gonna work.  Dammit!”

“I got you.” Sean immediately rushed to his side and helped him up. “I may not have Taylor, but I KNOW I’ve got you!”

With fierce tenacity and determination, Sean gritted his teeth as he slung Jake’s arm over his shoulder, while they both hobbled away from the debris as fast as possible.

The two of them made their way slowly, and steadily.  Their goal was to get far enough away from the helicopter, the fire and smoke, that if something did explode, they would still be safe.

“I have no idea where Estella is…” Sean sighed as he and Jake stopped by a large tree, leaning against its huge trunk for shelter and support.

“Me either.  We need to rest though.  You don’t look so good.” Jake quipped, out of breath.

“Neither do you.” Sean retorted, sliding his back down along the trunk of the tree to sit.

“I’m fine as a fiddle.” Jake winced, his hands on his knees, still trying to catch his breath.

A comfortable silence fell over the two friends. All that could be heard was the inconsistent rhythm of each of them breathing heavily – trying to calm down, trying to rest; trying to convince themselves this situation wasn’t as horrible as it seemed.

Sean started thinking of Taylor. His thoughts started cycling out of control, one after the other.

How could I have let her go? Why didn’t I catch her? She slipped right through my fingers and God only knows where she landed. If she’s alive. If Rourke found her and took her away…this is all my fault. First my mom, now her. The people I want to protect and keep safe, always end up hurt. This isn’t me. This doesn’t happen. Sean Gayle doesn’t let people down!

Trying to regain composure, Sean took a deep breath.  His thoughts this time wandered to his younger brother.

Why can’t I summon the courage and strength to be like him right now? I need to focus. To be positive. To be strong.  I have to find a way to Taylor. I have to find a way home and off this island for good.  But I can’t will myself to believe it’s possible. For the first time, especially without Taylor by my side, I feel hopeless. Will this ever end? Will I ever go back to Hartfeld? Will I find her?

He sighed and leaned his head back against the tree, closing his eyes.  Taylor’s face came to him immediately.  Her smile. Her piercing blue eyes.  Her confidence.  Oh, how he needed her right now. He began to focus on her and think of her…his mind taking him back to happier times…

“Here…hold this.” Taylor instructed, handing Sean a bobby pin. “My stupid bangs will NOT cooperate today.”

Taylor and Sean were on the hike with Rourke to find Diego. It was sweltering. Humid. Sticky. No one was in a good mood. The heat had zapped them of all energy and kindness.

She had stopped walking right in the middle of the hike. Placing her water bottle between her knees, with one bobby pin in her mouth and another in her hand, she asked Sean to hold one, causing him to stop too.

Sean knew he was being more short with her than she deserved, but like everyone else, he wanted to keep going.  She was slowing him down and he was ready to be done.

“Seriously?” He looked at her quizzically, holding out this fragile, small, hairpin in his giant, stubby hands.

As Taylor worked on her hair, without a mirror, her eyes almost rolled back into her head. She weaved a quick braid pulling the pin out of her mouth and using it and the one she held in her hand, to secure the end of her braid. This proved to be the solution to keep her bangs off her wet and sweaty forehead.

“All set!” She exclaimed, proud of herself for solving the problem on her own.

As Sean waited and watched her, inside he was beaming and his heart felt so full. Knowing her had made him and his whole world infinitely better. He couldn’t imagine suffering through La Huerta without her. Even though, at the moment, she was a slight irritation.

“So…just to clarify, you don’t need this?” He asked, waving the small piece of metal in her face.

“Nope. But keep it – just in case. You never know when a bobby pin might come in handy.  Right Meech?”

Michelle turned around from her spot way up ahead at the front of the pack. “What? Did someone say  my name?” She seethed, also clearly agitated.

“Never mind.” Taylor sighed.  “Let’s go.”  She charged on up ahead as Sean chuckled to himself and put the bobby pin in his pocket.

Sean slowly opened his eyes and reached into his pocket.  Sadly, he was wearing the same pants he had been in on the day of the hike. Much to his surprise, Taylor’s bobby pin was still there.

He pulled it out of his pocket excited and hopeful. As he looked at it in his hands and ran his fingers over it, he swore he could feel Taylor.  It seemed so stupid.  So crazy.

He knew that on some small level he was losing his mind a little bit – but this was a piece of her; this simple little brown hair pin was tangible evidence that they shared this life together and would be reunited somehow, someway, once more.

“I don’t know where you are, Tay.” He whispered, staring at the pin in the palm of his hand. “But I’m coming. And I’m going to find you…”