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reidmania · 2 months

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THIS IS WHAT THE DRUGS ARE FOR | spencer reid

good riddance x spencer reid one shot series masterlist

summary; when no one else helps spencer’s addiction after being kidnapped — you do, and you offer him help as a recovering addict yourself

warnings; mentions of kidnapping, early seasons reid, around the time of his addiction to dilauded, mentions of suicide, mentions of being shot (pass tense during a case) mentions relapsing, addiction to opioids mentions of being addicted to oxycodone, drug use, overdoses, hurt x comfort, angst, not a lot of romance but its sweet, fem reader, normal criminal minds stuff. mentions of the team completely ignoring spencers addiction bc that was messed up.

an; honestly this was difficult to write as a recovering oxycodone addict, a little bit self indulgent.. whoopsies!! but in honour of 5 years sober 🤗🤗 (i am too open with my issues on social media) this is probably horrible

‘This is what the drugs are for. Turn the lights off on the comedown I still get emotional, when I think about your old house. Hopefully, the high, works to change my mind’

You noticed quicker than you wanted to admit. It wasn’t like you could pinpoint a certain point, maybe it was when he turned back at you after standing up from the dead body of his kidnapper and you saw the way his pupils blew, something guilty behind them — maybe thats when your concern started.

You knew for certain when his focus was in and out daily. You knew everyone on the team had their suspicions, had the gut feeling that there was something more to the tiredness in Spencer’s eyes. You knew more than you wanted to admit.

Your hands twirled the pen on your fingers as your eyes stayed fixated on the male sitting in front of you, you watched as his hands came up to scratch the inside of his elbow. You knew the motion all too well, like muscle memory.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you heard Hotch ask a question to which only Spencer reid would know the answer to. You shifted your gaze slightly as you leant back in your chair, at his lack of response and focus.

It took Hotch saying his name a second time for his gaze to pull and a small apology to leave his lips. Hotch repeated the question and you watched as it took a minute too long for Spencer Reid’s all to long ramble to start about the detail.

Normally, someone would make a teasing comment about how Spencer had to think about it, but the tension stayed among the group as they all noticed the same thing — yet no one did anything about it.

You knew the feeling well, and it made your skin itch in anger.

Rossi handed out jobs, inviting you to stay back with Spencer to help with case work. You looked at Spencer noticed his eyes dropping, it made your chest ache.

Everyone else had left leaving you and Spencer in the conference room. Your gaze stayed fixated on him as his mind fell in and out of focus. You had to admit if you didn’t know Spencer Reid as well as you did, he hid it well.

“How long?” You muttered out, as your eyes pulled away from his to skim the case. You could feel his gaze on yours and you could practically feel the heavy breath that left his mouth.

His words came out snappy, but you knew he didn’t mean it. “What?”

You looked up at him again, seeing his gaze on yours, his pupils constricted and you could practically see the way his hand was twitching not to claw at the inside of his elbow.

You knew he knew what you meant, you knew he was playing dumb. You pulled the same thing for years. If he wanted to play the game you’d play, and you would outplay him every time. “How long have you been using?”

His face twisted up, he could’ve been an actor.

“Im not.” He pushed out. His voice betrayed his face, as it went an octave higher. For someone so smart you’d think he would know how to lie — but he didn’t, not well. Not to you. He could tell you didn’t believe him from the way your eyebrow quipped. “I don’t know why you’d think that.” He added, trying to sound convincing.

You hummed, “Your pupils are constricted for one. You aren’t focusing, you are all depressed. Oh and you’re slurring.. By the way” You pointed out with your pen in your hand directed towards him. You watched as his face fell for a split second. If you weren’t paying as much attention as you were you might’ve missed it.

But you were paying attention.

“Im just tired— and I have allergies ” He lied. It made you want to laugh at the familiarity of all his lies, the same ones you remember thinking you were so smart for thinking of in the moment so many years ago.

You let out an unconvinced ‘mhm’ as you nodded your head. You watched as it dawned in his eyes that he had been called out. You wondered if maybe he enjoyed the fact that no one pointed it out, until now, until you.

“I had allergies too, for a long time” You stated out simply, playing his game, outplaying him. Your goal here wasn’t to make him feel ashamed, in any way. It was purely to let him know that he wasn’t alone.

You remembered feeling so alone.

He spluttered slightly, his eyes widened the slightest bit. “What?” He breathed out, confused because he never would’ve guessed. You knew that. You knew the person you were now was nothing like the person you were a few years prior. You hid your addiction well but you were changed as a person, and you weren’t nearly the same person you were before the addiction.

You offered him a small smile, “I know an addict when I see one Reid, I know the addiction. I know your skin feels like it’s crawling right now and your head is probably spinning because you are going through withdrawals. I know all the lies, I used them all before” You said softly as you lean your forearms against the table; your eyes softened as your gaze stayed fixated on his.

You watched the words slowly process through his head. Slowly but surely he seemed to understand. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “How- How long have you known?” He asked, his voice small, evident how confronting this conversation was for him — but he needed it. He needed to know he had someone in his corner.

“I had my suspicions for a while. I wanted to be sure before I said anything..” You muttered out as you reached across the table to take his hand in yours comfortingly, “I was waiting— hoping someone else said something, I know I’m not your first choice of a person to help you through this — but I am here” You said softly.

You weren’t not close to Spencer. You were, close in age, had similar interests and you two got along well. The childish crush you had on him remained buried in between your ribcage — that was the thing about being an addict, it made you a good actor. You could act your way through any feeling.

He almost coughed at your words, his hand tightening around yours as you gave him a supportive squeeze. “Im- Thank you. I-“ His words seemed heavy on his tongue as his head shook. “I’m glad it’s you.” He said honestly.

You offered him a soft smile. You could almost see a question weighing on his mind, “What is it spence? What do you want to ask?” You prompted him, knowing his mind was properly almost complete fog at this point, overtaken by cravings.

“What- What were you addicted to? When?” He asked, eyebrows pushed upwards as if he was trying to figure out the timeline of your addiction, it caused an uncomfortable bubble in your chest.

“I was an oxy’s girl” You said, you knew it wasn’t funny but it seemed as joking was the only way to get through talking about this no matter the unsettling feeling it left in your stomach.

You exhaled heavily, “I started taking them in college after a surgery.. and well- I got addicted, obviously.” You ran your free hand through your hair as the memory dwindled in the back of your mind. Spencer’s hand squeezed your hand softly, making a half hearted tight lipped smile line your lips.

“I was clean when I first started here.” You said, fingers fidgeting. He listened with as much focus as he could with your words — you didn’t take offence to his half out of it mind. You couldn’t. “I relapsed after I got shot and they put me on them — no one knew about my addiction and I was too embarrassed to admit it to the doctors in front of the team, I relapsed once I got out of hospital.” You stated honestly.

You remembered it clear as day, after four years sober, the day you relapsed still stayed engraved into the walls of your mind freshly. You had been shot in the shoulder on a case, you were rushed to hospital and put on oxycodone and other pain medications immediately while unconscious. When you woke up and asked what they had given you, the team was standing around your bed so all you could do was nod, the relapse happened after that.

Spencer’s hand tightened on yours as his face pulled with guilt when he realised he didn’t notice. He opened his mouth to apologise but you cut him off, already knowing what he was going to say. “It’s okay.” You said, tightening your grasp on his hand mirroring his grasp on yours. “I mastered my lies by then, after years and years of lying to everyone around me.. I knew what worked and what did it.. I did it to myself” You spoke honestly.

He chewed on his lip as his gaze adverted to the table. You held his hand tightly as you felt it twitch slightly. You knew he wanted to scratch his elbow and you knew why. Your face softened all over again.

“It’s not worth it Spence. Trust me.” You said, voice heavy with honesty and you meant it more than words could explain. “You get mean, really mean, you lose yourself more and more everyday. Its not worth losing everyone around you, its not worth losing yourself” You gaze stayed on his face even when his eyes avoided yours.

You heard the shaky breath leave his lips, and then his hand left yours as his pinched his eyelids, trying to stop the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes as he squeezed them shut. It made your stomach ache.

“It- Its so hard” He said quietly. You didn’t think you had ever experienced heartbreak like hearing his voice break. Any sort of pain you felt in your life didn’t quite compare to seeing him fall apart from your words.

“I know- I know” You instantly stood up from your seat as you walked around the table towards him, he stood up as well and before you could do anything his hands were around your waist, pressing his body against yours and his head into the crevice of your neck. You arms wrapped around him without a second thought.

You could feel his tears against the skin of your neck, they were hot and thick. Your hand ran across his back gently. You always thought you’d know exactly what to do if this moment ever came to be — but you didn’t.

Words died in the back of your throat as all you could do was hold the boy in your arms as he let out the quietest soft sobs that made a gut wrenching feeling settle in your bones as goosebumps ran over your skin.

“I- I want to stop — I want to- How did you stop?” He said, wiping his face as he stood up straight, arms pulled back by his side. Your heart ached and your skin burned.

You shook your head, “Do you remember when I had to take emergency leave for family emergency?” You asked, eyes looking up into his that gleamed wet and dreary. It pulled on your heart strings and uncomfortable amount,

He nodded briefly, after he took a long moment to try to recall. You nodded back, a sigh leaving your lips. “I- Um.. I overdosed.” You stated, trying to speak stronger than your voice allowed you to. “I was in hospital for two weeks, connected to machines and wires — forced to speak to someone everyday until they deemed me healthy. I didn’t tell anyone- no one knows” You continued to shake your head.

“Do not let it get to that point Spencer — Shaking on the floor and literally frothing at the mouth, feeling so cold but not even functioning enough to know what being cold is, is not want you want. I know it feels good now — but you are going to kill yourself whether you want to or not if you keep taking it.” You spoke clearly, wanting your point to be perfectly clear. It was not worth it.

He held guilt behind fogged eyes, guilt that he didn’t notice, guilt that he almost lost you — literally and he had no idea. That you were alone during the lowest point of your life and he had no idea. He allowed your words to cloud his mind for a moment as they worked to overpower the cravings that were working to controlling his system.

“i- I don’t- Im sorry.” He stuttered over his words as he failed to think of anything better to say. Your face fell briefly as you wrapped your arms around him again.

“Im here? Okay. We will do this together day by day. I am here and I’m always going to be here Spence.” You comforted non the less.

He needed it and you needed him

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esoteriamaya · 2 months

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Lilith The Enchantress: Lilithian Energy In The Houses. How Each One Brings Their Own Tempting Flair.

So you're probably wondering, where am I going with this?

I wanted to focus on the temptation of lilith, and why she is so oozing and attractive as is she.

For this reading, I will focus on the houses. In my later post, it'll be in each sign.

So lets dig in! Shall we ;)

Lilith in the first house - Pleasing to the eye. Can have a very sultry appearance. There is a point where they must undergo a transformation of the self, and at some point they will have a divine, sensual aura. There sensual power comes through the way they look at you, and often times they can tell when they're being a little too flirtatious. But that is so they can get the person of their choice. Like a siren, they go in for their target and come out on top. They use their attractive persona as like a spell, think of the girl on who framed roger rabbit with the beautiful red hair and dress.

Lilith in the second house - They have an eye for detail. This is the time to take you to their home and show you the rose petals on the bed with the red and white candles everywhere. They know how to make a person want them, by adding to some flair into their home. While also using different aesthetics for they're look to match with the energy that is being shared between them and they're lover. Very picky with who they spend their time with you know. They aren't for everyone. These are the type to make you wait for it.

Lilith in the third house - These are the lovers that can write erotic letters and make you think about them all night. The way their minds can carry a story, and then when you meet them in person its even better than the books. They hold their composure well, but deep inside they are ready to be explored in more ways than one. My my my, they sure know how to right a love spell. One that lasts til the very end.

Lilith in the fourth house - It's actually so much harder to get them to show you who they truly are, thats what makes their mystique so awe dropping. The way these lilithian beings share themselves is with the power of their emotions, and eventually they will bring you right into their beautiful dungeon they call a home. Where you will find all them in just one bite. Very sensual with the right one. The one that makes them feel good, the one that knows them from the inside out. These lilith babes will let you have all of them if once you have succumb to their power.

Lilith in the fifth house - The sensual energy these lilithians carry is a one of a kind. Their magnetism never goes unnoticed, and they take you on a roller coaster of emotions with their performance. They are intimate with their audience and can put you under a spell with the way they make things look. Their hearts are in it with this one. Very gentle to the eye, but to the soul its much more deep and profound. Can't take them anywhere because their wild manes get stuck in the pursuit of love, where they will drenched you with all their sweet and tears to make more use of the bloody romances they've indulged in. They will have you thinking about them for many moons, due to them putting their all into what they do in the matters of the heart.

Lilith in the sixth house - To be loved by a lilith babe with this placement, is to have made yourself fully devoted to them. Worship is what they want, and it is what they need to pursue them. They don't let just anyone in, so you must be prepared to give yourself as an offering. Very pleasant, and freaky to ones they want most. Most never see this coming, which is why they always get away with it ;) The sensual energy they carry is very smooth, abundant and hard to describe. Mysterious auras that you want more of, so much so you will spend every hour, every day of the week wanting to get to know them.

Lilith in the seventh house - The die hard lovers who goes in for the kill. What they want wants them, and they oozee it in with their attraction spells. Their auras are unique, fresh and able to commit to their partners. It's just that they have so many options to choose from so they have no use to sticking around if you're not pulling in your weight. Im sorry, its hard having to be loved by so many! The sensual power in them is hot, tempting, and alluring. You just can't get enough of them. Can see right thru you and can captivate you with just a look!

Lilith in the eighth house - The way they just make things easy with how they seduce people is something I feel nobody else can relate to. The way they come in and take the throne with how they please their partners as well as themselves, It may be that nobody could come close. But thats the thing about being in a scorpion house, is that you touch people in a way that people are not able to control within themselves.. yet you've already mastered it. Very pleasing, pulsating, bold and full of passion. The sensual nature in them could have you feel things you've never felt before, and that will have you in a panic. because the way they are able to get you to come out of that shell and move deeper into them . Will have you begging for more & more & more. Bewitching auras indeed!

Lilith in the ninth house - The delicacy mixed with erotic power. The angels and the demon. The artist and the muse. They have the power to seduce anyone with just their mind alone. They can seduce you with their wit, their humor, their charisma and just their soul in general. But on a sensuality note, they are abundantly clear on what it is they want. And they know just how to get it. They waste no time in going after the energy it is they feel desires them. They are devoted to themselves and the power of a Godly force and nobody comes close. So to the ones who get to experience them, they feel a closeness to the divine that makes you tremble a bit. Because they show us a sense of carefreeness thats been missing, so the way they seduce you is in how they free themselves in a world that is committed to self restraint.

Lilith in the tenth house - Enchanting and mysterious in nature. The world wants to have them but cannot get enough of them. The secret to these characters is that they know what it is you're looking for, but you just won't get it from em. Not immediately that is. They'll make you wait for it. Hell, they'll even charge you for it if your a beggar. They know you want it, but they aren't easy. Like a coquette, they'll have you waiting for years, and their energy will be intact and while yours feels depleted. Lilith tenth housers just know how to work it with their sex appeal. It can transform you, to say the least. ;)

Lilith in the eleventh house - A special energy is unlocked in these lilithians because not only do they have the capacity to seduce the whole world they can be someone close to them too. Be careful with them, because they might bite! ;) Their sensual power comes from the ability to be close with them and they have a compassionate nature too! This makes them way more likeable and seductive. And even if you're close to them, there is still something else about them. Almost hard to ignore, so its no wonder friends and associates try to get it on with em.

Lilith in the twelfth house - If all the other placements are tempting to the eye, then these beings are tempting to the soul. They have a capacity to entice others with the way they carry themselves. They have a gift in pulling you in, and telling a story with just their body language alone. The moment you are seduced by them, is the very moment you come over and have a meeting with God. They are no angel, but they can just about make you feel things that where never present before.

Lilith in these houses can show the tempting, seductive energies of a person if they learn how to tap in. There is a short story about lilith being the tempting 'devil' we kind of all known of her to be. However, learning more complexities of her story. She is so much more. So this just a small version of what we know as lilith, there will be many more to come!

#astrology observations #astro observations #sensuality #astrology theories #astrology thoughts #tropical astrology #spirituality

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mydearesthrry · 3 months

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casual - h.s.

a/n: self indulgent because i will never get over the fact that half of this happened to me literally verbatim because im a loser ok bye. this is my way of coping enjoy please i got so carried away ugh the impact of a british man hahaha. i suggest casual by chappell roan or …what are we? by lizzy mcalpine

wc: im guessing 1k>

warnings: angst thats really it harry’s lowkey a cunt but its not him ok. THIS IS FRAT BOY HARRY FOR THIS ONE!!!

y/n was startled to see her front door swing open, harry stepping into the threshold to get away from the cold air outside. “hi baby.”

“hey, h,” she replied, stepping up from her place on the couch to meet him where he was toeing off his shoes. “how was your day?”

y/n’s hands ran up his chest to his shoulders, pushing his coat off his figure and hooking it on the coatrack. “it was okay, how was yours?”

“fine, thank you,” she smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “tired, i guess.”

“that’s not good, princess, you need to get your sleep. can’t have my pretty girl all sleepy, hm?” he grinned, wrapping his arms around the girl and pressing a kiss into her temple.

“yeah, just had a lot on my mind recently, i guess.” she says through a sigh, unwrapping harry’s arms from her body, walking away from him toward the kitchen.

“like what?” harry questioned, following behind her like a puppy.

“i… nothing, it’s not important,” she considered it. she really did. but it just… she couldn’t find it in herself to ruin what they had so easily. to ruin them so easily. “don’t worry about me, really.”

harry physically recoiled as if he’d been burnt, “i want to worry about you, y/n. i want you to be okay, always.” he’d used her real name— a true indication that she’d offended him.

“i- i know, i’m sorry. i jus’ don’t wanna bother you with my stupid stuff.” she glanced up at him through her lashes, refusing to make eye contact.

“it it has to do with you, it’s not stupid. now, tell me, princess, what’s wrong?” he tried once more. he could tell that she was getting closer to telling him the truth, he just needed to coax it out of her.

“can we sit?” she asked, harry immediately nodding and grabbing her hand to lead her over.

“so, what’s on your mind?”

“i’m scared to tell you.”

harry looked confused then. “why?”

“because… if you don’t know, and i don’t know, then it doesn’t make sense for this to keep happening,” she paused. “and i don’t want to lose you.”

“wait, what are we even talking about? lose me? why would you lose m-“

“you confuse me.” that’s definitely one way to put it.

“what?” harry tilted his head, his hand still covering hers.

“i- it’s just, sometimes i really can’t tell if you want me, or if you’re just keeping me around just to keep me around. like, sometimes you treat me so platonically it confuses me, and then other times you’re rattling off how i’m the only one for you. i know we said no strings, i know, but i know you don’t really see me as a friend. there’s no way that this is just casual, harry.”

harry didn’t know what to say. staring down at their intertwined hands, he cleared his throat and bit at his lip.

“what is it, please just tell me what’s on your mind,” y/n pleaded, squeezing his hands.

“i… honestly don’t know, my love, im sorry,” he finally said, but he chose to twist the knife. “i don’t know what we are.”

oh.

“oh, um,” she whispered, sliding her legs off of harry’s knees, withdrawing her hands from his grasp to slide under her thighs. “yeah, i… i didn’t think you would.”

“i’m sorry, princess. you won’t lose me though, y’do know that, right?” he could sense her sadness like it was his own. his phone ringing distracted her from her thoughts, the name reading ‘Claire’, making a scoff leave her lips.

“go handle business, i’ll be upstairs.” y/n said coolly, standing from the couch once more. as she began her trek to the stairs, harry grabbed her wrist.

“don’t be like that.” he grumbled, pressing the pressure point between her thumb and pointer finger.

“be like what? i’m gonna go take a nap, didn’t you just tell me to get some rest?” she smiled, but he could see the hurt in her eyes.

not exclusive, more than friends, less than lovers. how could she be so naive?

“are you sure?”

“your phone’s still ringing.”

“that’s unimportant. are you okay?”

“peachy.”

he knew she was lying. he just didn’t know what she wanted to hear.

“okay, pretty girl, dream of me, yeah?”

“mhm. see you later, lock the door if you leave.”

“i will, i’m sorry.”

as she walked away, she could hear his voice fill the living room.

“hey angel, i’ll be there in 20.”

more than friends, less than lovers.

—

part 2

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x y/n #harry styles blurb #harry edward styles #harry styles angst #harry styles drabble #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles imagines #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry angst #harry styles au

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bitchimasnake-sss · 11 months

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"my girlfriend's a nerd" ft. the monster trio!

self explanatory self-indulgent drabbles to soothe my book!loving ass

ft. luffy, zoro and sanji x fem! reader set-up: you like books, he likes you that's it warnings: none lmao this is very sfw. one might call it wholesome even. m.list

luffy:

thats my baby ^^

— im not even sure if this mf can read 😭😭

— honestly 9/10 chance he can't but when has that ever stopped him from being our most supportive himbo king

— go king give us everything!!

— he doesn't get why you read books when instead you can be like sleeping or eating or looking at the sea but well, he doesn't question it

— he just thinks it's a weird hobby you have (i don't think he's aware of how freakishly illiterate he is)

— but just cause he thinks it's weird that doesn't mean he wouldn't hug you half-asleep when he hears you sobbing into the dead of the night or he wouldn't listen with keen interest when you explain the plot of your favourite book as he wraps his arms around you and hums into your hair

— will 100% offer to fight the author/ tear up the book everytime he sees you having a breakdown over a particular scene/character

"who should I kill?!" the deadpan seriousness in his voice is what terrifies you

"nobody! I'm okay–"

— after you explain to him that hurting somebody is not necessary and you're fine, he will try to coddle you with extended hugs and food (lots and lots and lots of food).

"yn you should eat something! should I get you something to eat??" you can hear the panic in this poor boys voice 😭😭

"no luffy, its okay. im fine!" you say through sniffs and snorts, eyes bloodshot from crying over ink on paper

"brb" and he gets you dinner enough for 5 people because that's how he knows to comfort you (willingly took sanjis kicks and namis punches to accomplish this mission)

— since he's a clingy little child, he will hold onto you some way or the other when you're reading

— you're reading in your room while he's fast asleep? his arm is draped across your waist lazily. you're on the other side of the deck, sunbathing and reading? his hand is stretched out from where he's sitting and on your thigh (ussop tripped thrice over his hand, rip god ussop 🙏) . you're reading during breakfast cause the book just got so good? his toe is rubbing your calf up and down periodically (he won't stop no matter how many weird looks you give him)

— conclusion: he doesn't at all get it what it is, but if it makes you happy he will spend all the berries in the world to buy you those books (plz know if you actually ask him to jokingly off an author for killing your favourite character, he will do it. please don't ask him that.)

— he's just so supportive and nice 😭😭

"my girlfriends a nerd, I love her" (ussop explained to him what a nerd was and now he's introducing you like this to everybody)

zoro:

the shades tho 😎

— I'm convinced this mf can't read either

— even he can there's like literally no evidence to prove it and the entire crew has come to the conclusion that he gets lost even with clear directions because he just can't read please 😌👌

— at the start, he actually thinks it's dead stupid to invest so much time reading books when you can do other stuff like getting stronger, sleeping, literally doing anything else (luffy backs up his opinion with full enthusiasm)

— i mean like he's seen you sob at 7 in the morning over breakfast cause your fav character died and now he's confused as to why are you spending money and buying books if they make you cry so hard (he doesn't understand the concept of angst im afraid)

— but over time he just accepts it as something you enjoy and well, if it makes you happy then who is he to question it?

— acts like he doesn't care/isn't listening when you're rambling about the plot and how thE MAIN CHARACTER IS IN LOVE WITH HIS ENEMY AND VICE VERSA SKEJFHSJKSN but is actually fully listening

— he's actually invested at one point

"but they are enemies? why does he wanna be with him?"

"you don't get it! thats the appeal!!"

"the appeal is forcing a knife on somebody's throat?" he's laughing, "as if you'd enjoy it if i threatened you with my swords"

"... i would actually enjoy that"

he is now asking nami for loan to send you to a therapist (nami has seen you nosebleed over fictional characters and is considering giving money away to zoro for free. you really do need help.)

— as I said, he's invested now (although he does question your taste every now and then) but he'd force you to either summarize the plot to him as he trains or read out loud so he can hear the story as it goes.

— so naturally you're now sitting on his back, reading out loud as he does push-ups

— this beloved himbo has now formed strong opinions about characters and will battle you with headcanons because "there's no fucking way the hero would ever go back to the villain after that! that's ridiculous! if he does I'll sell my swords off."

— will remember the stuff you told him, no matter how trivial, so if you get off an island and he spots a keychain from your fav book series he's spending whatever money he has left to buy you it

"oh excellent choice! who are you buying it for?" the shopkeeper lady questions aloud

"oh, my girlfriend." he's smiling, "my girlfriends a nerd."

— actually looks forward to you telling him all the plot details and jokes at this point (one might call him a part of the fandom now)

— when you're a crying, sobbing mess because a character died, he's genuinely comforting you (no matter how bad he is at it)

"yn it's okay, you want some sake?" he is hugging you, patting your head like you're a child

"no 😭😭" you sob harder into his chest

"well... that's the best i can offer"

he tried. it's not his fault you don't wanna drink your feelings away.

— conclusion: he started off thinking its stupid and now he's an honorary nerd. would never admit it though. stubborn asshole.

sanji:

he's actually so pretty tho ^^

— he actually liked reading books before you even joined the crew although his tbr consists of cookbooks and auto-biographies about the people he has some interest in

— he started reading so that he could impress zeff with his knowledge on cooking and other miscellaneous stuff (imagine kid!sanji reading a book till late night under a lamp cause he wants to impress his old man that's so cute 😭😭)

— respects your hobbies when he finds out you like reading

— and then he sees your book collection. whY ARE THERE LIKE 5000 BOOKS HERE?! NOW HES SCARED FOR YOUR SANITY CAUSE GIRL WTF

— he hears you recommend a book to robin/nami once and now he's running to the nearest bookstore on the next island you guys land on to buy it

— he obviously did it to impress you and win you over but goddamn that book was actually pretty nice. so, the next time he asks you for recommendations he's actually a bit sincere

— now you're both in a book club of your own (which makes luffy mad cause why are you leaving him out of conversations :/)

— like zoro, he often asks for updates on the book you're currently reading while he cooks everyone food. he loves hearing you talk about the things you like.

— when he sees you crying over books, he is making you sweet stuff to soothe you, holding you and rubbing your back supportingly, peppering kisses to make you feel better

— he's so fine 😫😫

— anyways, also def the kind of person to ask you to roleplay things in real life

"yn-saaaan" his voice is bubbly, "can i ask you something?"

"mhm?"

"the last book you read–" his face is going a little bit red, "you think we can maybe... do that irl?"

now it's your turn to go red

— but no fr, he's so so supportive of your little hobby like yes baby! read those books and have fun imagining people in your head

— 100% matches your vibe when you crush on fictional characters cause "you're right. he is actually very attractive" (a bi king we love)

— once zoro made fun of you for reading and this was his response: "you can't even read, mosshead. the next time you speak shit I'll kick your ass."

"who said I CANT READ? AND AS IF ILL LET YOU KICK MY ASS!"

"I TOTALLY WILL KICK YOUR ASS"

now they are fighting while ussop, luffy and chopper laugh in the background

— but yes he loves staying up late, reading with you before you both cuddle and fall asleep

— you once read about a specific sort of dish in a book and mentioned that it sounds delicious so now obviously he has to go make that dish. it doesn't matter if it's 1 am at night.

— when nami asks him what he's cooking, he just smiles and shrugs, "i dunno either, im just trying to make yn happy. she's such a nerd"

— conclusion: an enabler, an enthusiast. this man is ready to buy you books and then read them if it makes you happy. only the finest for his favourite lady <3

a/n: enjoy my wayward thoughts about these fine men! m.list

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ihave-atummyache · 5 months

Text

3 way with ur roomie, hey roomie

ot8 blurb/imagine

stray kids

just my personal thoughts on the topic of ur skz!bf sharing u with another member (;

1.5 words

just hard thoughts i guess? idk im just horny and thinking

bang chan:

would share u with seungmin.

i feel like they would have very different approaches to how they are intimate, however, they both very much so give off brat tamer vibes in my opinion! i think seungmin would be more of a hard!dom brat tamer and chan would be more of a soft!dom brat tamer or even like more of an emotional brat tamer than a physical one. in the context that seungmin would spank you, smack you, spit on you, degrade you, chan would rather have you write that youre sorry 100 times on a piece of paper. im sorry its hot idk dont ask me!

i think their dynamic would work well together because they are so opposite but also so similar that it would be really easy to break you.

also they both would definitely love to see you cry. idk thats what theyre saying!!

lee know:

would share u with chan.

okay, hear me out. i know most people would think that he would share you with jisung but i so disagree!! minho is a possessive, jealous, mfer (hot). that being said, he is also basically joined at the hip with jisung and when you come around, its probably quite often the three of you together.

i dont think minho could stand the idea of you being around someone 24/7 that has seen you naked and felt every inch of you. hes sooo jealous.

but!! i think minchan would make for a great time tbh. theyre both so strong and yummy that it could get really rough, fast!! they're both very conscious of your body and how it is reacting to everything and they work in perfect tandem to make sure youre having a good time :p

you definitely cum so many times you can’t walk by the end of it all!

oh! and they both have greatttt stamina so i can just imagine you guys going at it for hours and hours.

most likely to have been made self indulgently, fueled by my own personal desires.

-on my knees for minchan.

changbin:

would share u with hyunjin.

changbin is so obsessed with hyunjin and its the cutest thing in the world. he thinks he can never be more obsessed with anyone but then, he meets you!

the idea of the two people he adores most in the world being intimate with him at the same time??? hot. hot hot hot. i also think that binnie is such a visual person. seeing you and hyunjin together is probably just pure art in his eyes.

i think that it would actually be super intimate. it would definitely not be something that happens often or casually. it probably happened one night on accident and it was a lot more intimate and intense than you all figured it would be.

changbin and hyunjin definitely kiss while they eiffel tower u. im sORRY!

hyunjin:

would share u with felix.

hyunjin loves felix so much. we all know this. i think that it would be very important that you and felix get along for hyunjin to make the relationship work.

honestly, it wouldnt surprise me if hyunjin were to make you two meet before you meet anyone else. he just values lix's opinion so much and its so cute. with that being said, i think that the idea of sharing you would kind of come naturally.

you and felix have GREAT chemistry and i think it would be hyunjin that suggests it. you three are probably sitting around the table or in the living room and he's just listening to you and felix talk and then he just speaks up with something stupid and hyunjin-like, for example: 'do you wanna have a threesome. like us three?' and obviously you and felix are quite surprised but after it being talked about, youre all down.

felix is probably a little softer in bed and i imagine hyunjin being the same way, except if he get particularly worked up. i imagine sex with hyunjin is usually pretty intimate and more like love-making. he is just such a romantic and values intimacy so much.

theres probably a lot of you receiving great head from the two boys and a LOT of kissing. and they have such nice lipshshshsjash

u definitely have a few bruises left as a reminder.

han:

would share u with minho.

okay okay okay so

im sensing the dynamic of minho actually not really participating and youre both kind of submissive BECAUSE voyeur minho>>>>

him telling jisung exactly how he should touch you or what he should say to you and then he gets all frustrated when jisung doesnt do it right and pushes him out the way and is like 'do it like this' and then showing him exactly how its done.

you're definitely being treated like an object more than a person and it's embarrassingly just that much hotter. i feel like jisung would follow every one of minho's commands without much thought. he trusts him whole heartedly even when it comes to you.

when you do actually have sex with both of them, it’s probably super rough. i feel like jisung would feed off minho’s energy and try to match it, yk?

felix:

would share you with changbin.

okay....hear me out! why do i lowk feel like you could dom changbin and felix so well.... and theyre so muscly and like masculine but you can get them both on their knees for you????? HOT

anyways, felix trust changbin a lot and he has said that changbin is his ideal type in men so... youre his ideal type, changbin is his ideal type, felix is in heaven.

a lot of praise from you has them both flustered and blushing and like putty in the palm of your hand. they could definitely dom you too tho!!! dont get me wrong.

manhandled, thrown up against a wall, rough, marked up, the works. they would probably hold you up at an insane angle so they can both fuck into you at the same time. some crazy karma sutra shit. i think they would be the first ones out of all these duos that would be found out. the way that changbin just suddenly gets a lot closer and touchier with you and the way the three of you would interact, it would be suspicious

most likely to end up in a poly relationship, methinks!

seungmin:

would share u with i.n.

THATS HIS BRO FR.

"seungmin, how do i make a girl cum with my fingers?"

"i can show u better than i can tell u"

and thats how you end up sprawled out on the bed getting edged over and over and over until you can barely feel your body!

"no angle your hand like this, there you go! you feel how this pretty pussy just clenched around you? thats good"

"you could probably make her squirt, she does all the time"

seungmin's words would be filthy. actually talking like youre just a sex doll that they can use for their own pleasure. i.n would probably often return and ask you and seungmin different questions and then youre all in the bedroom

he just happens to be more of a visual learner is all!

least likely to become poly, methinks! im under the impression that out of everyone, seungmin and jeongin would be the two that are most likely to keep things platonic. i think these would also be the most likely two members that have a friend with benefits and genuinely never catches feelings, yk?

okay and maybe it's just my own personal hand kink.... but they both have such fucking pretty hands like oh my goshdmsmshx put them down my throat pls!

i.n:

would share u with jisung.

tbh i think jeongin would be the most likely to share you with multiple members (maybe at the same time but uh anyways) but him and jisung just work.

jeongin is genuinely sooooo fond of jisung and you can just tell. he takes good care of jisung, even though he's younger and i think he trusts him a lot.

however, i think there could be a crazy dynamic here...

dom i.n x sub hannie x sub you?????

why is that kind of hot... and you all know im a big advocate for dom!han but i imagine him being a softer dom, at least a lot softer than jeongin. i.n and minho seem like they would be very similar in their dom ways.

i just cant imagine jeongin being a sub!!! like he IS an aquarius…lets not forget.

him and han’s dynamic is very silly and you can tell that they love each other dearly and feel very safe with one another. like they’re very much themselves around one another. i think thats why han would be able to sub to jeongin. and the irony of him being younger and he’s bossing him around… he would dig. jisung a freak!

han is a certified pussy addict. he eats coochie off the bone!! im imagining you sat back against i.n’s chest and jisung is between your legs just devouring and jeongin has his fingers practically gagging you omg i gtg N O

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tthoughtdaughter · 7 months

Text

bad habits.

pairing: dealer!ellie x reader.

summary: when you were a kid you had always put a pillow or a big stuffed animal between your legs, you honestly felt comfort by it. but tonight you decided it was going to be somebodies head.

warnings: uh widely ellie giving head?, use of drugs, girls kissing 🤯, swearing, a little bit of dacryphilia, pretty self-indulgent i know its weird im sorry — MINORS DNI !!

a/n: just because the strikes ended does not mean you shouldnt stop posting about palestine!

———————

you were helpless, depressed even. being locked up in your dorm for god knows how long. your friends had been nagging you about various parties on campus, you simply just left them on read, not wanting to deal with the aftermath of the party.

it wasnt until now that you had decided to go. not because you wanted to, you were going against your own will.

your friends, isabella, mattie and thea were forcing you out of your dorm because the state you were in right now was just honestly disgusting.

you were packing a bag to go over to isabellas house because they werent letting you stay in that dorm for a minute more, when thea said. “youve been stuck in here for forever, we havent seen you in awhile, we miss you girl.”

you sighed, reaching over to your closet to find an outfit appropriate for tonight. “look i know, things just havent been the best right now.” you didnt bother to look back because you know all thats going to be written on their faces will be pity.

“can you guys help me pick an outfit atleast?” they squeal, marching over to you before yanking you out of their ways.

mattie held up a dress, it was pink, delicate, something you would were on a picnic.

“dude, thats so basic.” isabella called out from the side, rolling her eyes at matties choice.

“i dont wear stuff like this— how would i fucking know?” she huffed.

“calm down guys, why dont we let ms depresso give us an idea of what she wants?” thea shouts over the teo annoyingly loud girls.

“i— depresso? seriously? not even funny.” you roll your eyes before pulling up pinterest on your phone, you always managed to find decent outfits off of the app.

you typed in ‘party outfits aesthetic.’ before you landed on something similar you had in your closet.

the outfit had a mini, mini, mini, mini black skirt paired with a black lettuce-cut, corset bralette looking thingy and just below that, knee-high boots. you admit it, you looked hot as fuck.

“damn girl, if i were gay id definitely hit you up.” way to go isabella, way to go.

“oh please youre totally into girls, youre acting like you dont eye that dina girl everytime we walk around her area on campus.” mattie adds.

isabella did everything in her will power to ignore the comment, but she couldnt help but blush.

the look of approval shot around the room was hilarious and you all burst out into laughter. you really havent felt this good in awhile.

quickly memorising the girl mattie had mentioned before, you could remember she would always be hanging around with someone else.

“hey, any of you know the girl dina hangs with? i cant think of her name.” you think hard, like really hard, you knew the girl was attractive from all the times you had seen her since isabella coincidentally hung there too.

“yeah, her names ellie, i buy from her sometimes. why, you got the hots for her?” thea teases.

“just shut up and give me her insta.” you roll your eyes, playfully shoving the girl as the two others made ‘oooooh’ sounds.

“fine, just give me a second.” thea whips out her phone and starts going through her following. she clicks on a profile and holds the phone up to you so you could get a good look.

her account was private, by the looks of it she had a batman smoking weed profile picture? interesting.. her user was ‘@ellieisawesome327.’

sounds like a name some 5 year old would put on secretly. “oh, interesting.” you couldnt help but giggle, she obviously wasnt the best at using this stuff.”

you pulled out your phone and searched for her user, you didnt follow it just yet, you thought it would be creepy since she didnt know you at all. you simply just kept the name in the search bar, ready for when you actually want to follow her.

———————

a few hours had passed and you all had gotten done up, makeup, hair, outfits, everything you would do before a party.

“whos car we taken’?” mattie asked. you and the others looked at her like she was some idiot.

“theres only one car in the driveway, take a guess numbskull?” thea pointed out, mattie pouted.

“rude.” she huffed. turning around to scroll on tiktok.

you were sitting on the bed, getting comfy since the party wasnt for another hour, when you spotted one of isabellas pillow. you had put it between your legs, you found some comfort in doing that ever since you were a kid, it was a weird and bad habit.

“whatre ya’ doin silly?” isabella pointed out, she sort of new you had this weird habit of putting things between your legs.

“getting comfy, what does it look like?” you roll your eyes, scrolling through your instagram feed.

“if you actually want something between your legs, try and get head tonight.” isabella added. it was a harmless joke, your group had always joked like this. you toned out the muffled giggles in the back thinking if you should actually get laid tonight.

it had been awhile since you had had sex, and it was getting annoying hearing everyones ‘wild’ stories.

you tool the pillow out from between your legs and threw it back into its position it was in before.

“you guys think we should get going? the parties in twenty minutes.” thea said. you all nodded and got up from your positions to march off to the car.

the drive was ten minutes, you put on your group playlist, it was made for roadtrips you guys took every once and awhile. but tonight you just needed to hear something other then their voices.

you were all vibing to the music when it eventually came to a stop. you sighed and got out of the car, shivering as the cold wind hit your very exposed body.

everyone walked in, it wasnt exactly packed, but you hesitated and mattie noticed that.

mattie was the average femme grouped masc. the one to carry around the shopping bags when you went shopping kind of girl. she was sweet, there were times where you had found yourself harmlessly crushing over her. she knew you had a bit of anxiety and offered you some of her meds before leaving but you kindly declined.

now obviously regretting your decision, she gripped onto your hand and squeezed it tight, for reassurance. you smiled and walked in with the others.

———————

it had been 2 hours and the group had split, isa probably off eating dinas face off, mattie chatting with some of the guys from a basketball team she had played against when faking being a guy as a dare, and thea off buying or even selling drugs. you were sat on a dusty old couch, not exactly wasted but definitely not sober.

you hadnt noticed you were sitting next to the girl whos instagram you were stalking earlier. but the realisation hit when you smelt weed from her direction.

she was very obviously eye fucking you, she wasnt even shy about it, it couldve been the weed that was in her system or she was wildly bold.

“hey?” you started off your soon long to be conversation.

“hi.” she was caught off guard when she realised you were talking to her.

“ellie right?” she nodded and you exchanged your name to her, along with numbers. you sat back further into the couch, parting your legs a little giving her a slight view of what was under you skirt. you enjoyed the fact that she was looking. a little smirk appeared on your face and she didnt notice it.

“my friend thea buys from you right?” she snapped her head up to look into your eyes. you noticed the green in her eyes under the blue hue of the lights in the room. she nodded,

“yeah why? wanna buy from me?” you shook your head.

“kinda tight on money right now, i would though.” you sighed, resting your head on your hand.

she thought for a minute. “ill share a blunt with you, only coz’ youre cute.” she winked and you blushed.

“oh, thanks..” you stare off awkwardly waiting for her to light it, she was wondering if she made you uncomfortable.

“s—sorry, didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.” you shook your head a smiled before she handed you the joint.

you took a puff and handed it back to her, waiting a bit before exhaling. you noticed she was manspreading. then you noticed she didnt quite look like any other girls that were at the party, very masculine. is she lesbian? no surely not, maybe she just likes being comfortable.

ellie was wearing a worn-out jacket, joels. she wore it everywhere she went.

she caught you staring at the position she was in, fighting the urge to spread them further. you noticed she was holding back from something and looked up at her, oh shit she caught you.

a shit eating grin was plastered on her face. “you ‘kay?” she asked, the same smug expression written all over her face.

you nodded and took the blunt out of her hand. you were blushing under the dim lights in the corner, the rest of the place was filled with colourful lights changing every second.

she started blushing too, she didnt know why. you looked up to her with parted lips. the high kind of kicking in now.

“can i.. kiss you?” you asked softly. you regretted that so hard, fuck fuck fuck she probably doesnt like girls..

she moved closer, draping a hand over your shoulder. “thought youd never ask.” she smirked before smashing her lips onto yours.

the kiss was hungry, like she was desperate for something, you couldnt quite place your tongue on it. the only thing placed on your tongue right now was hers. you kissed her back with just as much passion.

the moans you let out were absolutely pornographic. ellie knew she had to do something about this, stopping the kiss whilst you let out a whine from the lack of attention.

you were borderline wet, like waterpark wet, and it wasnt helping that you were wearing a flimsy skirt that had rode up in the process.

“cmon’ princess.” she took your hand, you felt a bit clumsy for some reason, dizzy, your head was foggy, only thinking about how good she tasted.

you followed her around as she knocked on various locked rooms. finally breaking one open, she slammed it shut, locking it and pressing you up against it. not to hard though, wouldnt wanna hurt your pretty little head.

“fuck, youre so goddamn hot.” she mumbled between kisses. you couldnt help but moan at how turned on she made you feel.

she pushed her knee up between your thighs and you shivered, grinding down onto it. chasing the very needed friction.

you wondered how such an innocent question like ‘can i kiss you?’ turned into you riding on her knee.

“els’, please..” that shit eating grin reappeared on her face and you just wanted to smack it right off, you rolled your eyes. your words and wetness only boosted her ego more.

“please what baby?” she teased. why was she teasing you? you couldnt take it. tears started bubbling in your eyes.

“please just— fuck me.” you mumble out. she liked the sight of you crying, so desperate for her. she was going to tease you more before you actually got what you wanted.

“what was that?” she smirked.

you looked up at her through teary eyes. “can you, uh— go down on me? please?” you were begging, that was a sight.

she pulled you over to the bed, through the dimly light room. “strip.”

you did as she said, it wasnt hard to take off your clothes since there was barely anything on you. first your top, leaving you in a skimpy black lacy bra to match your underwear. then came the boots and skirt.

finally, leaving you in a two piece set. she was waiting patiently for you to take them off. you dont know why you were so hesitant, maybe it was because you hadnt done this in awhile, or maybe it was because her stare was so intense it made your stomach do flips, distracting you from the easy task.

she walked over to help you since you couldnt finish what you had started. “d’ you want this?” you nodded painfully slow.

she peeled off your underwear, holding them up to get a good look before back down to your now bare cunt. it was dripping at the sight of her.

“s’ wet for me princess.” she smirked once more, if she smirked anymore her face would probably get stuck like that.

then came the bra, she asked you to turn around so she could unclip it, she was slightly struggling since she wasnt used to these fancy bras, only because she wears a sports bra.

you giggled and reached your arms behind you to take it off, turning around to leave her ogling at the sight of you.

“youre so beautiful.” you blushed, hard. she looked up at you for some sort of reassurance and you nodded.

a minute ago she was so dominant and now shes sweeter than a cookie. you adored that.

she reached her hands out to cup your tits, so soft, she thought. squeezing them and pinching your now hardened, pebbled nipples.

she elicited a moan out of you. you sat back on the bed for comfort and she dived into them. sucking harshly on your tits.

you couldnt tell if you hated it or loved it, your monas were telling her otherwise.

she left purple marks all over your neck, tits, stomach, anywhere she could mark really. you were huffing, all you needed her to do was touch you down there.

“patience baby.” she replied to your subtle huffs. you rolled your eyes, pleading with your body language as you rolled your hips into nothing.

her head moved down slowly, taking time with your body as if you werent some one night stand. did she actually like you?

she kissed all over your stomach and you felt giddy, you were giggling at how it tickled.

the she dipped her head low, taking in how soaked you were. the whole time you had been rubbing your thighs together. any subtle touch made you go crazy.

she fully dived in, and you moaned her name out, loud enough to here over the booming music. “e-els!” she teased your clit with her tongue, licking a stripe down, giving your clit kitten kisses.

her tongue reached places your fingers couldn’t surprisingly. you couldnt stop panting. it felt like heaven.

your vision was going blurry, white, if the coil in your belly bubbled anymore it was going to snap. “ellie.. i—im gonna!..” she moaned into your pussy, sending hypnotising vibrations into it.

“i know baby, come for me.” those words was the thing that snapped the bubbling coil.

you felt hot slick pool out of you, she lapped up all she could, almost overstimulating you. you were panting.

she got up and laid beside you, toying with your plush tits. you could almost fall asleep right then and there.

“alright,” she patted your thigh. “i gotta get going, heres my number though.” she pulled out a random piece of paper from her pocket and a pen. had she been preparing for this? you thought. she handed you the note like a little kindergartener and put her shirt back on.

you had the sudden urge to shove a pillow between your legs, whining from the loss. you fought back everything in you to shove the pillow that was staring at you between your legs. you watched ellie leave,

she left you on the bed looking back at you to smile before closing the door behind you. you eventually got up and put your clothes on, walking over to the bathroom that was in the small room to fix up your hair and makeup.

you realised your hand was still clutching that little piece of paper. you looked at it and read it slowly, still regaining composure.

‘**** **** **** **** message me ;) x’

you probably werent going to message her, but just incase, you slipped the note into your purse and walked out of the room going to look for you friends to take them home, luckily ellie had sobered you up.

———————

a/n: im sorry the ending actually sucks i was getting sick of this and i needed to get it out of my drafts. should i turn it into a series were reader actually messages ellie? idk.

#lesbian #ellie williams #ellie x reader #lgbtqia #i need ellie bro #wlw #bad habits #ellie williams tlou #ellie tlou #ellie is so hot #ellie x fem reader #ellie smut

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serejae · 1 month

Text

I LOVE YOU, IM SORRY. | C.SC

pairing : seungcheol x reader

WHAT !! : in which youre unsatisfied with the way you treated seungcheol throughout your relationship, but destiny will always bring you back….right? (or in which you messed up your relationship with him and the 4 times you tried to fix it and the 1 time it worked out)

warnings: so self indulgent, if ur my ex bby i know we’re still contacted but come back 💔💔💔💔 readers a ass in the beginning, open ending

w.c : 2872

a/n : i never really see angst where the reader messes up and i decided to display it with my experience el oh el . hope you all enjoy

you laid in bed beating yourself up for the nth time. youve been in a rotation of screaming into your pillow, walking around the house, and journaling (or at least attempting to) but you still cant get the guilt and regret off your shoulders

its been almost 2 years since, since the argument, since the day you ended things, since the day you ran away afraid of hurting yourself and let alone him even more than you already did.

everyone you know has told you to move on because theyre sure he already has too but its harder said than done, how could you go on with life knowing you hurt someone who was so willing to give you everything you wanted because of your own selfishness

and as bad as it sounded, you hoped he’d reach out first as desperate as you wanting to catch up so you can show him the new version of you. the version who was ready to commit, a better person, willing to love him correctly. not crazy or stupid like the one before, the one he had the unfortunate case of dating

so now youre stuck in this 3 activity cycle because no one wants to hear you mope about your asshole tendencies to seungcheol, youve sent him a couple messages apologizing and hoping to be civil to which he replied accepting every single one a couple hours later

why wasnt it enough though?

its because you wanted more, and you knew it. you wanted him to reply immediately and accept your apology as well as begging you to come back because you knew not even deep

down, straight foward youd accept it

you longed for his ‘good mornings’, ‘i miss you’, ‘i love you’’s that you took for granted

all because of that one day (s)

you decided that this cycle of wanting ends now, all these cowardly attempts will stop. so you grabbed your coat and put on your shoes and drove to his place

to make up for that night and those days

“i just dont understand why you wont talk to me whenever you feel a certain way instead of running away” seungcheol sighed as he ran his hands through his hair as he sat on the couch watching you pace around the living room

“what part of ‘i dont want to’ do you not get” you raised your voice slightly as you paused to stand infront of seungcheol

“i dont get it because i love you.” he replied calmly as he reached to grab your hand and caressing it. and as he looked up at you you saw it in his eyes, the longing for those 3 words you never said back to him. he was always patient with you, the first time he said ‘i love you’ to you he saw the hesitation and understood, he allowed you go at your own pace until you felt ready. but it got to a point, a point where he started to doubt himself and to a point where you could read it.

“i…i cant.”

its not like you didnt love him, you loved him more than anything, more than yourself

and thats what scared you

you know the saying “you cant love someone until you love yourself”?

bullshit.

he was the reason you forgot you hated yourself because you were so inlove with him

and your pride was the one thing holding you back from facing the fear

“what?” seungcheol said pulling you out of your thoughts

you looked back at him to see his eyebrows furrowed

“you cant say you love me or you cant love me?” his tone became a bit more furrious

you didnt say anything, just stood there which was the first mistake you realized you made throughout this relationship out of the many

“im willing to wait for you yn, because i love you. i love you so much, i never want to rush you to tell me you love me back but its been almost months now. im starting to doubt myself”

you didnt know how to process his words, not knowing how to comfort him you did what you did best

leave.

“this is too much for me” thats all you managed to get out before you left the house without looking back

you heard his protest as you left but they went ignored, like how seungcheol felt in your relationship

seungcheol stood there watching the door close. he never understood how people could be so shocked they freeze but now that he was experiencing it first hand he didnt know what to do

should he run after you?

leave you alone?

was this the end between you two?

this couldnt be, you wouldnt let a small argument get between you two

right?

the first time reaching out.

seungcheol had reached out to you, it was about a week since you left the house without deciding if you two were actually over

he spent each day opening the message app and clicking on your contact name hoping he’ll see the 3 bubbles letting him know you were still thinking of him

so when he was finally fed up with it he sent you a message hoping itll give you a change of heart, he wanted you to know he didnt mean any of the bad things he said and that he still cares for you

“hi, i hope this finds you well but uhm i just wanted to know where we stand. im sorry if i overwhelmed you the last time we saw each other but i really want us to work out, you mean a lot to me and i love you, so much. but i cant keep hanging onto this silence from you. text me back when you can? i love you, and im sorry”

read

you had woken up from your pity nap to his message and spent the entire following week fighting the thoughts in your head

if you replied and told him you wanted to come back, youd still be in doubt about yourself and cause more trouble for the both lf you guys, but if you replied and told him you didnt want to get back together, itll cause a very strange and awkward tension between you two so just ignored the message and left him wondering

now that you think about it, it was a horrible idea but you didn’t know how to solve this. you didnt want to bring more pain to him but you couldnt bring pain to yourself either

so you stared at the message he sent a month later

“i waited for a month and im assuming we’re over? it sucks but i respect your decision. i hope you find someone for you, thank you for the memories we’ve had you’ve been good to me. i love you and im sorry for not being enough”

read

laying on your bed wrapped in a blanket resting on your side the tears fell on your phone. you didnt want him to think he wasnt enough when it was the opposite way around, but its too late now. all you could do was hope he found peace

seungcheol sat on the couch and sighed resting against it as he opened up the message only to see read for the nth time. was it really over between you two? is he never gonna be able to wake up to your face again?

maybe thats the way life goes

he just pushed his luck a little too much

the second time reaching out

its been a couple months, you kept his last messages in your ‘recent messages’ on your texting app. so each time you opened to text someone you still saw his contacy name with the words “i waited over a month….” underneath. youd be lying if you said it didnt hurt but it did, it stung that you let go of one of the best people in your life

so out of impulse, instead of texting your bestfriend a reply to her latest message you clicked on his name

“cheol 🩶”

“this is really sudden but i cant help but still feel guilty. i shouldve been better and replied to you but i was really scared. i was scared of hurting you and myself but im sorry, im sorry for not reaching out sooner, im

sorry for being a dick, im sorry for not being a good partner. i hope youre doing good and i wish you the best”

you held your breath as you sent it. it took you about a hour constantly rephrasing the words. you didnt want it to sound too lengthy or too short. you wanted to sound sincere but not that you longed for him even though you did.

took him exactly 3 hours and 19 minutes from when you sent the message to reply. you waited 22 minutes to open it, you kept refreshing the screen because his reply only had 12 words.

words

“no problem, i wish you the best, you were a good partner :)”

the smiley face really topped it off you could see how he was trying to downplay the situation to have you feel not as guilty , but you were ready for anything

to be blocked, to get yelled at over text, for him to be disappointed but this really twisted the knife

he was so civil about it, he wasnt angry, he wasnt stressed about it

so why were you?

maybe it was the fact you were the asshole while he was the victim. the victim who stood by you and tried to understand you only to be hurt. deciding not to push it you left his message on read and turned off your phone and sighed

when seungcheol got home from hanging out with jeonghan, he turned on his phone after not checking it to see your contact name as one of the first notifications. he said rubbed his eyes frantically and turned off and on his phone again to make sure he wasnt seeing things

clicking on the notification his heart clenched

he hoped you meant everything you said, but its kinda hard to believe when all he could see were words. he’d much rather hear it from you but he doubted his luck at this point.

sending a small reply of what hes able to get out now he hoped youll rack up the courage for you to see him, or maybe he will

the third time reaching out

the third time you reached out wasnt your proudest moment. your friend convinced you to finally go out after mopping about seungcheol for the last months. the main point she gave was

“you already apologized, he forgave, what are you waiting for now?”

she was right, he clearly showed no sign of wanting to get back together so you have to live your life without him whether you liked it or not

and it didnt turn out too well. all you could remember was drinking your face off and then opening your eyes in your bed, still in your outfit. assuming your friend brought you home you picked up your phone and unlocked it to immediately see your text log with seungcheol making your heart drop

there were 3 messages in total since your last apology

“chwol i msiss hou so mwuch came beck i love you se mych”

you saw he read it immediately but took 19 minutes to reply

“yn your drunk, get some rest. stay safe”

“im nat i love you, im sorry”

seungcheol left you on seen.

somehow to your and his suprise the only word you could spell right was ‘i love you’

especially seungcheol. the whole day he subconsciously kept going back to look at the message to see if youd come back and apologize or even try and clear things up but the most important thing to him was the “i love you”

did you mean it?

when he first saw the message on his phone at 2:22 from you saying “i love you” his heart stopped, well until he read the rest of the message, it was clear you were drunk but he hated how it still had an effect on him

drunk words were sober thoughts but still, he wished to hear those 3 words from you when you were intoxicated.

seungcheol still longed for you to tell him you love him even after these months but his expectations for you were low. as much as he’d hate to say it, he began to give up on the chance you’d love him again

but he still loved you.

the fourth time reaching out (sorta)

its been a year and a half since you both had ended things. admittedly you realized your issues and worked on yourself, you weren’t ashamed to admit that you were a horrible person before cause you were. but now you can at least be proud with the person youve became

you took time away from those associated with seungcheol to avoid seeing him and breaking down your healing process but now you were finally ready to face everyone and most importantly

apologize to seungcheol in person

walking inside hoshi’s party the music was blasting, everyone was talking to one another and you walked around looking for some familiar faces.

jeonghan was the first to greet you, he hugged you while mumbling questions asking of how youve been and what youve been up to. but as he hugged you he turned your body to face seungcheol.

you looked up and saw his eyes. he stared at you as if he never saw you before and froze once again

the same way he did when you left

jeonghan whispered a “go talk to him” before leaving.

as cliche as it sounded, in a room full of people you both stared at eachother blanky

he wss the first to smile slight at you and you took that as a go sign to walk to him

as you made you way to him time moved slow, it seemed like everyone wasnt there anymore, just you and him

and like time went back to normal youre now standing infront of him

“seung-“

“cheol!”

you heard another voice call him by his nickname

looking for the voice you found it belonged to another woman.

it was hard to not assume the worst especially when you looked up and saw his embarrassed face.

“i love you….im sorry”

those two words were all you said before you left

again.

but this time you walked away with not the regret of being afraid but instead regretting the fact you let him

go to be with someone else

with tied in with how much you hated yourself for being so selfish you couldnt or rather didnt want to imagine him with anyone other than you

but there was no one to blame but you

walking back to your car you sat in the driver seat and laid on the horn while screaming letting out every single feeling youve felt and held in despite thinking youve let go

i guess somethings never leave

your love for him.

“excuse me?” you looked up at the old lady

you rolled down the window and tilted your head

“your horn” she awkwardly laughed

“oh right. sorry.” you chuckled awkwardly as she left, you reclined your seat back wanting to disappear

the fifth time reaching out

seungcheol spent the entire night and day after the party consoling himself. he tried to convince himself that you already moved on so what happened last night didnt mean much.

you werent worried were you?

she was just his cousin but you wouldnt be jealous or bothered because you had moved on

moved on

moved

oh fuck it. he hoped you didnt.

but he had spent the entire year and a half, almost 2 years afraid to go for what he wants. but life was too short

life was too short to hold him to get you back

whether it ends with him getting slapped or completely heart broken

its okay with him

so as he opens his door with his shoss on he-

you.

you looked as almost shocked as him as he opened the door

you both jumbled your words

“i-“

“well-“

“but-“

“hi.”

you both said

there was a moment of silence of you two deciding what to do, or who should speak first

you shook your head and decided to go first

“i love you

im sorry.”

he froze, the words he longed to hear from you finally hit his ears. there was no ‘and’ between the ‘i love you’ and ‘im sorry’. its as if you were apologizing for loving him like you were scared

and he knew you were. so hearing it made it 10 times better

the silence from him caused you to be able to hear your heartbeat, you looked up and seen him smiling warmly as he opened his arms

your lips curved up slightly as you entered his embrace

“i love you

i havent stopped”

222 notes · View notes

celestialtarot11 · 8 months

Text

How to manifest based on your moon sign 🤍🍵

Hi friends! Today we’ll be looking at how to manifest based on your moon sign ⭐️✨ please share your feedback and support this blog. Thank you! Regardless of your moon sign and astrology in itself, all these methods can work greatly for anyone.

Moon in air signs ☁️ You manifest when you allow yourself to see timelines of your future. Allow yourself to think widely beyond your current circumstances. How good can it get? What is there to experience that you haven’t as of yet? Use your mind to see, not restrict. Journal, script, use vocal affirmations and most importantly soothe any anxiety or worry about how it’s supposed to unfold. You’re not meant to understand it logically, it’s a process for the soul.

Moon in fire signs✨ you manifest when you are active! Get that energy flowing! Use the power of your heart and breath to invite new energy. Yoga for invoking energies can be wonderful to move any stagnant energy out your energy field. Go for a run, hype yourself up, play music you love! Dancing can help shake up stagnant energy as well.

Moon in water signs 🌊 you manifest best when you get enough sleep. Hydrate yourself, make sure your energy is clear and flowing the way it should be. Find your inner stillness, listen to yourself, and remember you’re here to make space for yourself amongst others. Singing bowls, mantras, chants would work wonderfully! Listen to music, get in touch with your dreamy side, and be the one to invoke change whilst remaining calm and grounded through it.

Moon in earth signs 💗 you manifest best when you know you are committed to your dream. If its in your long term you want it all the way, and thats your motivation! When you feel like the boss is when you manifest best. Take your time figuring out what you want and if it aligns with you, its important to separate others wants and desires from yours. Tap into the luxury lifestyle you know you deserve!

Moon aspecting Mercury: you manifest best when you journal, script, or say aloud what you desire. Have fun with your affirmations! Crystal work can also help you tap into universal energies, and clean your energetic body! This’ll boost your manifestations.

Moon aspecting Neptune: you manifest best when you indulge in music, or the finer things in life. Set the mood, set the tone, and allow yourself to dream. Meditations for your heart and third eye will help greatly! Create mood boards and visuals for what you want! See beyond the physical ✨

Moon aspecting Venus: You manifest best through self care, indulge in dressing up, and most importantly doing shadow work to free your heart space! Also creating visuals and mood board would help a lot. Allow yourself to get out your comfort zone and release what you’ve been complacent with.

Moon aspecting Pluto: You manifest through speaking as well, although it may happen at times where you least expect it. Tap into your deepest desires and transmute past pain related to that desire, and attract it! You have a raw ambition, power and strength you embody regardless of your past or present circumstances. “I don’t know how it’ll work, but I know it will.”

Moon aspecting Saturn: You manifest when you tap into your dedication commitment and stability. Manifest through the belief that no matter what is happening around you, you still remain committed and unbothered. Manifest for the long term.

Moon aspecting Sun: You manifest through vitality, power, and fun! Allow yourself to get creative with your manifestations, create a ritual, and be your best hype man! Be bold in what you want, and you shall attract. Balance your intuition with the powerful influence of the soul.

Moon aspecting Mars: You manifest when you accept your need for change, and your power to invoke change within yourself and others. Tap into that assertive, active, and fiery energy! Balance it with your feminine, allow yourself to receive just as much as you put out. Practice breath work and meditations for the heart!

Tarot cards associated with your sign & how to manifest ☁️🤍

The Star (Aquarius) • Justice (Libra) • The Lovers (Gemini)

Air signs you manifest after seeing the light, the hope, the glimmer of faith after an unpleasant or difficult situation. Reflect on the moments where others thought you couldn’t do xyz, reconstruct your faith and hope in realizing was it ever really true what they said? The narratives past down through friends or family? Did it ever truly serve you? Were they truly saying that because of self sabotage, or was there a factual truth in what beliefs were passed to you? Get in touch with the fact there are multiple, and all truths. All feelings, all experiences. We are not limited by our past, nor our mind, nor the stories we conformed to in our childhood! Reevaluate if the stories were a projection or your truth.

The Sun (Leo) • The Emperor (Aries) • Temperance (Sagittarius)

Fire signs you manifest best when you tap into your inner child. Provide for it what it didn’t experience growing up. How can you add to their childhood experiences? How can you fulfill their dreams now? Take care of them the way you wish you had been by others. Provide truth, structure, and discipline, but also let your inner child free and have a say in how you manifest! Love yourself enough to hear them. Create a beautiful bond with whats inside, and listen to the deepest parts of you. Your intuition lights up like fire when you connect to your inner child! Remain balanced & committed in your dreams and aspirations. If one did not work, where can you improve? Modify any self sabotage beliefs from childhood, and work towards your power and truth.

The Hermit (Virgo) • The Devil (Capricorn) • The Empress (Taurus)

For the earth signs! You manifest best through transforming self sabotage into inner love & compassion. Lean into yourself rather external things to cope. Build better inner structure, and soften yourself. Holding on tightly can break things. Introspection is your light and awareness to realizing what needs to change. Your narratives and stories are keys in what you’ve been telling yourself for so long. Work on your self concept and what you choose to believe in, that’ll help you manifest. Be your own boss, take a stable and committed approach to yourself and making all and every dream come true the way it was always supposed to!

The Moon (Cancer) • Death (Scorpio) • The Hanged Man (Pisces)

Ya’ll water signs manifest best when you find inner stillness and cultivate true inner calm. Find your center throughout the chaos. Work on realizing its always there for you. Once you know that space is there, work on seeing the love that surrounds you, and how that space is easily accessible if you just tune in. If you just listen to yourself. Lean into your intuitive truth, and allow your intuition to come forward. Allow yourself to shift into this reality with ease. Find peace in knowing you can access any dimension and reality by tapping in. (Like sliding into dms 😂) anyway! Harmony. Create harmony within your environment and prove to yourself you can have it come to you too.

Paid Readings you can book here 💗☁️

932 notes · View notes

ssprayberrythings · 8 months

Text

my best friend | OP81

oscar piastri x ginger!female reader / smau fic

warnings: none except if you get triggered by best friends to lovers than look out..

this is just a self indulgent fic seeing as i am a ginger and i just wanted to live in my delulu for a minute. thats all. thanks 👉👈

yourusername posted on instagram

oscarpiastri, landonorris, danielricciardo, lilymhe & others liked

oscars getting better at the picture taking thing 🙆‍♀️

📸: oscarpiastri

view all comments

fan1: y/n back at the slaying

fan22: go oscar !!

fan15: im new; who is she ??

╰ fan1: she’s a friend of oscar’s. there’s been some rumours they might be dating but neither have confirmed nor denied. she goes to some races and has become friends with some of the other drivers and some of the WAG’s so we just accept her as an honorary wag regardless if they’re actually dating. she’s also known for interacting with fans !!

╰ liked by yourusername

╰ fan15: ooooh thanks!!

oscarpiastri: i told you, you just had to give me some time to learn the angles and lighting 😎

╰ yourusername: yeah, yeah, i know

landonorris: but is he a better photographer than i am? ;)

╰ yourusername: you already know the answer to that ;)

╰ fan12: i love y/n and lando’s friendship

oscarpiastri posted on their story

caption: she insisted on making goodbye cupcakes @yourusername

╰ yourusername: they turned out pretty good i’d say

╰ landonorris: bring me some !!!

more replies…

╰ fan17: she’s the cutest

╰ fan22: y’all have to be dating

╰ fan6: i want a cupcake made by y/n

yourusername posted on their story

caption: bye bye oscar pastry. have fun driving fast cars 🫡 @oscarpiastri

╰ oscarpiastri: really? of all photos? AND OSCAR PASTRY? 😑

╰ yourusername: yk you low-key love it

╰ oscarpiastri: im uninviting you from my races

╰ yourusername: do it. i’ll just get lando to invite me 😎

more replies…

╰ fan3: goals, i think?

╰ fan28: hes so cute

╰ mclaren: 🧡

yourusername posted on instagram

landonorris, oscarpiastri, yourbestfriend, mclaren & others liked

what’s a soft launch?

view all comments

fan11: BESTIE THIS IS ONE

fan23: so is she soft launching oscar or….

landonorris: 😏

╰ fan2: LANDO WHAT DO YOU KNOW

oscarpiastri: don’t ask me, i’m not on social media enough to know

╰ yourusername: thats such a lie. you’re always on your phone 🤨

╰ fan15: if they are dating, i love their bickering and if they’re just friends, i love this dynamic

yourbestfriend: i wonder who gave you the caption idea 🤔

╰ yourusername: i love youuuuuuu

yourusername posted on their story

caption: early flights 😴

╰ oscarpiastri: see you soon. safe travels:)

more replies…

╰ fan1: yes she’s on her way to her first race of the season

╰ fan5: cant wait to see her and oscar !!! *hopefully*

yourusername posted on instagram

oscarpiastri, landonorris, fan22, yourbestfriend, fan12 & others liked

i miss you and our kitchen shenanigans

view all comments

fan24: okay but does she miss oscar even if she is travelling to see him? or does she miss her boyfriend who she just left? i need answers

fan22: that has to be oscar, c’mon…

oscarpiastri: its giving clingy

╰ yourusername: shut up

lilymhe: goals ‼️

╰ yourusername: girl stop, you and alex give me life

╰ lilymhe: nope, thats all you and your man

╰ yourusername: i love you

╰ lilymhe: love youuuu

lilymhe posted on their story

caption: missed my favourite ginger 👩🏻‍🦰 @yourusername

╰ yourusername: missed you more 😘

more replies…

╰ fan81: your friendship >>>

╰ fan4: lily & y/n i love you

yourusername posted on their story

caption: reunited with the besties 🧡 @landonorris @oscarpiastri

╰ landonorris: happy you’re here:) now oscar can shut up about how much he misses you

╰ yourusername: ah and he calls me clingy 🙄

╰ oscarpiastri: ❤️

more replies…

╰ fan1: “besties” sure y/n

╰ fan24: they look so precious

╰ fan7: just post a relationship post pleaseeeee

oscarpiastri posted on instagram

yourusername, landonorris, mclaren & others liked

Great first race back! Cant wait to see how the rest of the season goes..🧡 #PapayaNation

tagged: mclaren

view all comments

f1: 👏

mclaren: You did great Oscar!

f1fan: that was such a great race to start the season!!!

fan23: the best part was that y/n was there cheering him on

yourusername: i’ll admit i’m pretty proud. good job oscar pastry 😏

╰ oscarpiastri: wow youre being nice..kind of

╰ yourusername: dont get used to it

╰ fan26: y/n’s love language is bullying you cant convince me otherwise

╰ liked by yourusername

fan13: this is definitely mclarens year, i can tell !!

landonorris: good job out there mate!

╰ liked by oscarpiastri

yourusername posted on instagram

oscarpiastri, lilymhe, landonorris, fan22, fan1 & others liked

emptying out my camera roll 🧚🏻‍♀️

tagged: landonorris, oscarpiastri

view all comments

fan12: THE FOURTH PIC

fan2: Y/N THIS SOFT LAUNCH IS AN EXTRA LEVEL OF SOFT

╰ liked by yourusername

landonorris: of all moments to post…why that one

╰ yourusername: cuz its funny 😆

oscarpiastri: i had no idea you even took that photo..

╰ yourusername: im like the paps 📸

fan15: y/n truly is the cutest thats all i have to say

╰ fan1: agreed !!

oscarpiastri posted on their story

caption: a ginger found a ginger 🐱 @yourusername

╰ yourusername: the loml 🥹

╰ oscarpiastri: who??

╰ yourusername: the cat obviously..who else

╰ oscarpiastri: uhmmmm..🤨

more replies…

╰ fan12: i want to hug her

╰ fan44: are y’all dating..we need to know

╰ fan21: dating: yes or no?

╰ fan16: ignore this if youre dating…

Oscar looked through some of his responses of his recent story

“I think we should tell them” he said looking at you putting his phone away. You were sitting down, wearing one of his jumpers and some sweats

“Are you sure?” you asked giving him your full attention

“Yeah, they already suspect it and plus our anniversary is coming up its a perfect time to do it” he suggested walking over to where you sat on the couch, plopping down next to you.

He put his head on your shoulder as you moved slightly to make room for him “That would be cute. I have so many pictures I want to post of you” you told him liking his idea

“We could also post on our stories and not give any context before actually posting” you thought out loud

“Im fine with that” he agreed, lifting his head off your shoulder and turning to fully face you

“I love you” he told you leaning in to be met with a kiss, you giggled quickly giving him the kiss he wanted “I love you, even if you do drive me crazy” you whispered

“Hey! I do not” he pulled away pouting “You do” you chuckled “But I love you for it” you finished.

He couldn’t fight you on that so instead he repositioned himself and curled up to you, you smiled and started brushing your fingers through his hair. Eventually you both fell asleep like that, enjoying the closeness and warmth you offered to each other.

yourusername posted on their story

caption: my second home 🧡

*replies disabled*

oscarpiastri posted on their story

caption: never letting you go 🫂

*replies disabled*

yourusername posted on their story

caption: hints of you are everywhere ☺️

*replies disabled*

oscarpiastri posted on their story

caption: 😘

*replies disabled*

yourusername posted on instagram

oscarpiastri, landonorris, yourbestfriend, mclaren, lilymhe & others liked

no surprise here but happy anniversary bub🧡 thanks for being my partner in crime and giving the best hugs..i love you oscar pastry !

tagged: oscarpiastri

view all comments

landonorris: ABOUT TIME

oscarpiastri: i love you long time.❤️

╰ liked by yourusername

fan12: we kneW IT

fan23: OH MY FINALLY

lilymhe: lets go on double dates now !! ☺️

╰ yourusername: sounds good to me

fan2: “giving the best hugs” I KNEW OSCAR GAVE GOOD HUGS

fan7: SOMEONE HELP, IM NOT DOING WELL

╰ fan26: SAME

╰ fan11: same same

╰ mclaren: us too

oscarpiastri posted on instagram

yourusername, landonorris, mclaren, f1 and others liked

Cant imagine my life without you. Here's to more years to come 🧡

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername: I LOVE LOVE YOU 😘

╰ oscarpiastri: DIDDO😘

╰ yourusername: 🤨

fan13: THIER BICKERING AND BULLYING EACH OTHER JUST GOT BETTER KNOWING THEYRE ACTUALLY DATING

fan4: MY HEART IS BURSTING

mclaren: our favourite papaya couple 🧡

╰ liked by oscarpiastri & yourusername

fan25: the mclaren admin being y/noscar’s biggest fan is my roman empire

╰ fan22: girl same

landonorris: yeah yeah we get it your happy and in love..🙄

╰ yourusername: we’ll be your wing man and woman so you don’t have to third wheel all the time

╰ landonorris: no thank you.

╰ oscarpiastri: too bad, she’s already going through her friends that are single that she thinks would be your type

╰ liked by yourusername

i hope you enjoyed this! as i said it was just a self indulgent fic that i wrote for myself but maybe it'll bring you the same joy reading it as it brought me writing it 🧡

my next fic is a danny one that im excited about so look out for that!

#ssprayberrythings x formula one #f1 #f1 x reader #f1 smau #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri smau #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri #oscar piastri fanfic #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 #formula one #op81 imagine #op81 x reader #op81 #mclaren f1 #mclaren

458 notes · View notes

junipers-archive · 2 months

Note

this is about to be super self indulgent but could you by any chance do a spencer reid x barista!reader maybe he keeps going back to the same cafe or something and memorizes like little facts about coffee or something lol i love your writing so much!!

aww this is such a cute idea!! yes of course :)

Spencer x gn!barrista!reader (FLUFF)

Word count: 540

Seven-thirty every morning. Not seven twenty-nine, not seven thirty-one, but seven-thirty on the dot. Just like clockwork does the tall, handsome and quite frankly, adorable man come to order his tall black coffee.

You try not bounce on the balls of your feet as he walks in. He's wearing a blue sweater today, one that you're sure would look great on the floor of your apartment.

There's no line. There rarely is when he shows up, its like he times his arrival to coincide with the lulls in activity at the small shop. Which unbeknownst to you, he in fact does.

"Good morning!" your cheery tone fills the empty space, louder than needed which would embarrass you any other time but only makes you smile harder when you make eye contact with him.

"Good morning Y/n, how are you today?" His glasses lift against his soft cheeks as he smiles back at you.

"Uh-good! I'm good, and you Spencer?" Saying his name makes you blush and you immediately duck your head to hide your flushed face. Its like your body has a physical reaction every time you interact with him.

His grin only widens seeing the reaction he pulls from you, desperately wanting to recreate it again. "I'm great thanks for asking! Just one black coff-" he cuts himself off as you hand him his order with a scrunch of your nose that has him weak in the knees.

"Sorry, I hope its not creepy- its just you come in here so often that-"

He cuts you off this time on your impending tangent, "No! Don't worry about it th-thank you! I love my black coffee!" This time its him thats a bit too loud.

The awkward silence that follows as you both stare at each other dumbfounded by the others obvious embarrassment may be the thing that keeps you up years from now.

Its only with a quick breath that Spencer recovers the conversation,"Did you know that coffee is believed to be discovered by an Ethiopian goat herder?" Its not completely true, but its all he could find online about the topic that was remotely interesting on his drive here.

Your wide smile in an attempt to keep a laugh at bay is what will keep him up years from now. "No, I didn't know that Spence. Did you know that coffee is believed to increase lifespan?"

The way the blood rushes to his cheeks should be embarrassing but it only fuels his next comment as he sets the money due on the counter, "Well then I guess I'll just have to keep drinking coffee..."

You catch on easily and flirt back with a shy smirk, "I guess so, and since I give you the coffee..."

He starts to make his leave but looks back with a smile that makes your heart soar, "Then I guess I'll just have to keep coming back..."

The sound of the door closing has your smile dropping a tad, but as you look down you find a crumpled piece of paper by the bills he left, it lifts once more. Because inscribed on the small note is yet another fact about coffee. And this one has a phone number written directly underneath.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #dr spencer reid x reader #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic

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spaloonbabooguuscooties · 1 year

Text

You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

#ive spent months on thsi stupid lesbian toxic yuri slow burn relationship so you all better clap or im blowing this building up #psychonauts #elka doom #franke athens #ill paint the town red

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choccy-milky · 4 months

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OKAY HEAR ME OUT CHOCCY SEB GIVES CLORA A SNAKE RING?!?!

Soooooo rereading the fic and I’m back to chapter 33, and it totally popped into my head that they are IN THE VICTORIAN ERA and do ya know what was super popular after the engagement ring that Queen Victoria was given by Prince Albert? A SNAKE RING

AND IF THAT AINT SEB TREATING CLORA LIKE THE QUEEN SHE IS THEN I DONT KNOW WHAT IS 😭💙💚✨

Thank you for coming to my ted talk 🫣😂

LMFAOO YESS TRUST ME, IVE SEEN THIS AFTER DOING MY OWN RESEARCH ABOUT VICTORIAN RINGS, ITS SO PERFECT!! AND THE FACT THAT ITS GREEN TOO LMAO, prince albert was a possessive slytherin confirmed!!🤪 but yea ill DEFS be incorporating a snake into the final design of cloras ring HAHA. i basically HAVE to...yknow, for period accuracy 🥰

WOO YAY im glad i could inspire you to start writing!!!🙏and i get it, writing fanfic is defs self indulgent and for ourselves first and foremost, but obvs nobody wants to release their work into the void😩 as for how my own fic got popular, one of the main things is defs timing. i published the first chap basically within the first week of the game being out (it came out on the 10th and my chap was on the 18th) so it was there right at the peak/start of the fandom. but i also dont wanna attribute it all to timing BAHHA cuz i think im a pretty good writer and that helps....my fic also didnt get popular right away, but i was consistently posting every single week + eventually started adding art every single week, and was just really dedicated to not only writing but also drawing art for it (which is also obvs another huge factor/probs the biggest factor). ive had so many ppl tell me they started reading my fic bc they saw my art on pinterest or something LOL, and some ppl have even read it fandom-blind bc they were into the seb/clora dynamic??? which is another point actually. i always joke about how i love my cliches and good girl+bad boy dynamics, and that im unashamed about loving them LOL, but also...they're cliches for a reason!!! lots of us eat that shit up!!!😤so i think thats defs another factor, vs if my fic was a bit more niche and avant garde LOL the fandom is also (understandably) a lot slower than it was at the beginning of the year so itll be harder in general, but maybe you could commission art to go with your fanfic? ive seen a lot of other HL fanfic writers do it, and i think it defs helps to draw attention! GOOD LUCK and i hope you keep writing!!!🫡💖💖💖🙌

huh??? go with the tide pods instead, THAT shit looks bussin😩😩

AWW TYY😭😭I LOVE THAT HAHAH AND IM GLAD U THINK SO💖💖 my friend also asked me this question after seeing my recent ask, and i STILL have no idea what i would have named it instead LMAOO, thats how bad i am at naming things. even a year later im like bruh idk!!! clora and sebs bizarre adventures??? i guess id probs make it something light/dark themed in retrospect, or something more specific to the ancient magic, but i still have no idea what LOL

#ok but also just in case it actually needs to be said #DONT CHUG LAUNDRY DETERGENT YALL #ask

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pacifymebby · 1 year

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God i just had the worst dream experience with both a sleep paralysis and a lucid nightmare right after! This is a totally self indulgent ask, as i am seeking comfort in your writings rather than in someone i know, so i don't mind you not answering it! Could i request PB boys (any of them you are good with, really) reaction to a s/o who had a similar experience and is lowkey scared to sleep again (totally not me.)? Take care, and stay healthy! Thank you!

Oh angel I just wanna give you a hug!!! sleep paralysis is the worst and I totally understand you not wanting to go back to sleep again after that!!! I'm sorry I didn't answer this right away I've been pretty under the weather and not really writing or doing much for like two weeks. But I hope you can find some comfort in this anyway!

Tommy

🌿 Is familiar with traumatic nightmares, he often has ptsd flashback nightmares to his time in the tunnels, horrid nightmares which leave him shaken and haunted... for himself he has rules for coping, he tells himself to ignore them, to swallow down the fear and rise above it. He expects himself to be a man who just gets on with things.

🌿 However when it comes to you those rules go out of the window. Tommy hates to see you upset for whatever reason and when he wakes to find you tossing and turning, crying in your sleep, he can't stand to just leave you.

🌿 So he wakes you as gently as possible, he lies down nice and close to you, his warm breath on your cheek as he holds your shoulder gently and whispers your name in your ear. "Y/n, y/n angel wake up for me now eh, time to wake up..." he's being ever so soft, knowing that you're going to wake up scared anyway, not wanting to make it worse.

🌿 When you wake with a sudden fright his arms lock around you and he bundles you up straight away, he doesn't give you time to be afraid because he's wrapped you up and cradled you to his chest, your body pressed against his as he strokes your hair and kisses your head.

🌿 "S'alright now angel I've got you, you're safe y/n, was just a dream love, just a dream..." he'd hush you with his soothing words, press a long firm kiss to your forehead and wait for you to calm down a little. When he feels your shaking subdued a little he pulls away, strokes your cheek with his fingers and looks down at you.

🌿 He's trying to read your mind, trying to work out what your dream was about, trying to work out what you need from him in that moment. But you just nuzzle back into him, trying to hide away because you're a little embarrassed to have been so scared by your dream...

🌿 Tommy however won't let you be brave, thats his job, it isn't yours. So he pulls away again, caresses your cheek with his knuckles and then brushes your hair from your eyes and looks into them once more.

🌿 "Talk to me love, tell me all about it..." "It really wasn't that bad Tommy just gave me a..." "Hush now angel," he sounds tired and like he's all too familiar with this part of the conversation, "tell me all about it love, I wanna know... don't need to be embarrassed with me eh, not with your Tom..."

🌿 So you do as he tells you and you tell him all about it, voice trembling because thinking about it again is making you relive some of the fear. But Tommy is there for you the whole time, laying soft little kisses on you, your cheeks, your hair, on your nose.

🌿 You can't deny how safe and treasured he makes you feel, how warm you feel when you're all wrapped up in his arms. He offers you all the reassurance that you need.

🌿 "Was just a dream sweetheart, I'm here now eh, I've got you, I'll look after you, keep you safe, you're alright now my love..."

🌿 You're too scared to go back to sleep however and although Tommy is tired he doesn't want to leave you fearful and alone in the dark, so he props the two of you up and turns the lamp on. He reaches for his spectacles, (those wee specs are so cute man!) and the book on the bedside table, its your favourite and he keeps it there specifically for occasions such as this...

🌿 and then, with you resting against his chest, one arm wrapped around you, holding you safe and secure, he starts to read to you. His voice is soft and gentle but sleepy too and the lethargy in his voice as he reads to you is enough to lull you gently back to sleep.

🌿 In the morning you wake up in the same position, the book abandoned on the quilt next to Tommys limp hand, he's still sleeping, his spectacles balanced on his nose. So you wake him with a little kiss as you remove them and place them on the bedside table, then the two of you curl up together beneath the covers and go back to sleep.

Alfie

🐻 I don't know why right, but I can't imagine that Alfie really gets horrible dreams, which is odd considering all the horrific things he's seen and done. I also just don't really think he gets scared the same way "normal" people get scared... The only person I think he really fears is Tommy Shelby and if he was dreaming about him well, he's not going to admit to that is he...

🐻 Anyway, just because Alfie doesn't really get bad dreams doesn't mean he isn't going to be there for you when you wake up frightened in the night. At first you're hesitant to wake him... your Alfie isn't scared of anything, he's so strong and fearless and you think that he'll think less of you for being scared...

🐻 So at first you just let him sleep, you sit there knees hugged to your chest in the bed, shivering right next to him as he sleeps. You don't want him to wake up and find you crying but at the same time all you want is one of his bear hugs..

🐻 And when you finally give in you only have to say his name once, your little whimper of fear, and he's wide awake, pushing himself up, looking around the room, reaching for the gun he keeps in his bedside table because he thinks something terrible has happened...

🐻 But when he asks you what's the matter and you shrink away, apologising saying "had a bad dream..." he places the gun down carefully and turns to you with the softest expression.

🐻 He'd let out a long dramatic sigh and open his arms up for you, rolling his eyes, teasing you but not teasing you too much. Just enough to leave a shy smile on your lips as he welcomes you into his loving embrace. He just wants to hold you tight and offer you all the comfort in the world.

🐻 "Now then Ziskeit, just what kind of bad are we talkin about here yeah? Paint me a picture... are we talking teeny tiny, just a little bit spooky bad, or are we talking real dark, horrifying, enough to make even the coldest, meanest man shiver..." and you'd giggle and look up at him with a cheeky smile, already feeling better just for being in his arms, "but nothing scares you Alfie.."

🐻 He'd chuckle and then and shake his head, squeeze your cheeks between his thumb and forefinger affectionately. "That true is it poppet?"

🐻 Even if you don't want to talk about it Alfie is going to coax the whole terrifying tale from you so that he can pick it apart until it's no longer scary at all. He'll point out all the discrepancies and will constantly interrupt you with things like, "Oh so you were all alone were you well... you definitely don't need to worry about that do you cause me yeah, mean, paranoid old brute that I am yeah, I don't never let you out my sight do I...so you know this dream ain't ever gonna come true just for that reason alone don't you ziskeit..."

🐻 Whatever evil was chasing you and threatening you in that dream Alfie is not going to let you fear it and when you tell him about the sleep paralysis he really feels for you, and gets really serious.

🐻 "Now you listen very carefully to me now little ziskeit, very carefully yeah... close your eyes and listen carefully and then lock what I have to say to you somewhere away in that pretty little head of yours, somewhere you won't ever lose it or forget it, somewhere you can find it even when you're sleepin right... Whenever you're asleep I'm right beside you yeah, always right here with you watchin over you like the ugliest guardian angel you ever did see right... and I ain't never, never ever yeah, never gonna let anyone hurt you, never let any harm come your way... whenever I'm around you're safe and listen to me now my sweet girl, I'm always, always gonna be around yeah?"

🐻 He will ask you what he just said, so that you have to say it back to him, "whenever I'm sleepin you're always watchin over me and you're never gonna leave me on me own.." you're pretty shy about saying it back but until Alfie is certain you understand and won't ever forget it, he's gonna keep you there, his hand holding your cheek to keep you looking up at him, making you repeat it until he's certain you believe him.

🐻 The added effect that this brings out your shy smile is just a bonus to him.

🐻 He will very begrudgingly invite Cyril up onto the bed to rest his head in your lap and then he'll remind you that although Cyril might be old and soft, he makes a very fierce guard dog and he loves you very much so you can be sure he'll always protect you too.

🐻 Alfie will make you feel so safe and secure. If you're scared to sleep he'll sit up with you, stroking his hand through your hair, telling you all the reassuring things he can think, his voice meandering through that strange tangle of thoughts in his fathomless mind, soothing you to sleep so slowly you don't even realise you're drifting off until you've woken up the next morning cuddled up in his arms.

Arthur

🍂 Gets fucking horrid awful terrifying nightmares and usually it's you soothing him, cradling his head to your chest as you tangle your fingers in his hair and whisper soothing things to him about how you love him, how he's safe, how you've got him and it's all alright now...

🍂 And Arthur has always felt s little bad for that, a little like it makes him less of a man that you're always having to sooth and look after him. Even if you do reassure him that when someone's been through the horrors he survived nightmares are normal and they don't make you any less of a man for being scared to sleep...

🍂 Anyway, when you awake with a start, waking both yourself and him up with your scream, your hand clutched over your mouth as you flinch awake sat bolt upright in the bed, heart racing because you'd been trying to scream all throughout your dream and found yourself unable to make a sound...

🍂 Arthur is torn because first things first, he's worried about you, he's never seen you look so frightened and you really don't look well but...

🍂 He's also a little nervous because this is his bog opportunity to look after you for a change, his time to comfort you and be the strong and brave one in a time of crisis... he wants to be perfect doesn't want to let you down.

🍂 so at first he's a little clumsy, a little anxious when he reaches out to you... your scream set his own adrenaline soaring and he can't deny that he's struggling to calm his own fight or flight response down too...

🍂 But he reaches for your hand across the mattress, tries to keep his voice soft and low... it comes out gravelly and thick with sleep but it will have to do... "Y/n sweetheart.." he starts to say but when his hand brushes yours you flinch and turn to him with wide terrified eyes as if you're not sure you're really out of the nightmare yet.

🍂 "S'only me my darlin, shh girl it's only me you're alright love it's just me an you yeah, you're safe, at home, tucked up in your bed with your Arthur eh?" He's copying you almost word for word, these are the words you always say to him when he wakes from a nightmare in the dark and believes for a second he's still in the tunnels under France.

🍂 "Oh...oh my god Arthur I'm.." you'd start but before you can get your words out a sob would surprise you and you'd burst into tears throwing your arms around him. He'd be stunned at first, struggling to move for all of a second as he processes what you're doing and remembers what he needs to do next. Then he closes his arms around you and squeezes you tight against his chest.

🍂 "There there sweetheart, it's alright my darlin was just a bad dream eh, nothin can hurt you now cause I'm here yeah, ain't no monster or ghost that ain't scared of Arthur Shelby eh love?"

🍂 He won't need to ask you what the dream was about because you're always your most fierce and most vulnerable with Arthur, it's how you've managed to get him to open up to you. By sharing everything with him. So in your terrified and sobbing sorry state you'd spill everything to him, telling him all about the nightmare, about how you'd been trying to scream, how you were so scared and how you were trying so hard to scream but no sound was coming out and no one could hear you...

🍂 He'd listen to you with his serious face on but he would spare you the overbearing serious face then, instead choosing to kiss your cheek and offer you a little smile as he sighs, "Well my darlin I certainly heard you just then... reckon you woke the whole farm up with that one love," he'd kiss you again, bury his face in your neck and kiss you there too, his beard tickling your skin, his playful interlude painting a smile on your teary face.

🍂 And when he sees you smiling he's so so proud of himself because that means he must be doing well, he must be cheering you up and comforting you the way you always manage to help him.

🍂 He might... might try that other thing you do for him when he's wound up and he needs a distraction after a bad dream... if you seem like you're not really settling down, if you seem like you're still thinking about your dream...

🍂 He'll kiss you again, and shift you in his arms so that your sitting between his legs, leaning back against his chest, your head resting in the crook of his neck as he kisses your cheek and wraps his arms around you... he's still whispering about how you don't need to be scared, was just a dream, he's gonna look after you now... and as he's talking he trails his hands down your body, dips his head to trail kisses over your neck and your shoulder so that your eyes flutter shut and a little sigh escapes you...

🍂 He'll let his hands distract you from your bad dream whilst he mumbles in your ear all those comforting things, bringing you to a rather comforting high whilst he tells you, "I've got you my darlin, your Arthur's got you eh, don't need to be scared my sweetheart I'll look after you..."

John

🌼 Not a fan of seeing his girl upset, not a fan of seeing her scared... and he isn't exactly used to it either because you're always putting on the fierce and brave mammy act in front of the kids. Always claiming that nothing scares you so that your little ones won't be scared.

🌼 And when you wake up after a bad dream and you shake him awake, he's a little grumpy because he doesn't like being woken up in the middle of the night. He's also suddenly very worried because you sound scared and that could mean something awful has happened, the family could be under attack...

🌼 So when he shoots up and grabs the gun he keeps under the bed, his sudden movement only scares you more and you stifle a shriek as you scramble back and hit your back on the headboard.

🌼 "Shh love, what is it tell me what the matter is, what did you wake me for eh theres no one here?" he frowns turning around, his expression a little harsher than it really should be, he's definitely a little disgruntled about having been woken up in the middle of the night - even though he's used to midnight disturbances when the kids have bad dreams.

🌼 "Sorry John, shit sorry its nothin no ones here don't worry go back to sleep..." you'd sigh trying to shake your own fear off and pull yourself together. But he's still grumbling and, in truth, a little concerned because you look all twitchy and nervous like a frightened rabbit. "Right well flower, if there ain't no one here p'rhaps you'd like to tell me what you woke me up for eh?" he's talking to you like you're in trouble but the look in his eyes is that of amusement, teasing... so you know you're not.

🌼 You admit it eventually, blushing when you tell him that you had a nightmare, playing down how scared you were because you like to be brave. And because you play it down John teases you about it, grinning and making a joke at your expense all, "and here I thought you were a brave and fierce mammy who isn't scared of anyone or anything... now all of a sudden you're waking me up in the middle of the night over a little bad dream..." he spider walks his fingers up your arm to tickle you just under your chin, expecting you to smile and laugh but you don't.

🌼 because your nightmare was actually terrifying and now you're upset he's not taking you seriously. So you pout, and tears well up in your eyes and John frowns in confusion, he doesn't understand why you aren't laughing with him, "eh eh what's the matter flower, what's that face for eh? You know am only messing with you love, y'can wake me up whenever you like..."

🌼 And it's his sudden softness which sees you burst into tears, you feel so silly for it but you can't help it and all of a sudden you're crying to him about your horrifying nightmare, "it was the kids John, they got the kids an, an you an, I was trying to save em but I couldn't get to em and and..." He'll cut you off before you can work yourself up into a state over the dream, shushing you so that you don't wake the littlens up, his finger to your lips as he leans in to kiss your cheek.

🌼 He'll put his gun down under the bed back where it belongs and then he'll climb back into bed, sitting up against the headboard and putting his arm around you. He'll coax you into a hug and say he's sorry for teasing you. "That sounds like a 'orrible dream love," his voice is all husky where he's tired and trying to speak softly to you.

🌼 Holds you close to his side and strokes your cheek, kisses your hair and then cups your face in his hand so that you'll look up at him. Uses your tears to draw "war" paint on your face, grinning down at you like a child, "there y'are fuckin beautiful.." When you try to squirm away and wipe your tears away yourself he grumbles at you for ruining his work, "eh come back love come back am not finished, I was gonna give you a moustache next... a biggen like our Arthurs!"

🌼 He will keep at it until you're smiling and giggling with him, the two of you forgetting yourselves in your sudden playful mood so that your giggles wake the kids up and John finds himself being disturbed for the second time that evening.

🌼 Katie is stood at the foot of the bed, her eyes wide as she tells him she got scared by a noise, "heard someone screaming..." she whispers all frightened until you open your arms up and try to go back to playing the fearless mammy once more.

🌼 But Johns got other ideas and he cuts you off before you can tell Katie that it was just you and her dad being stupid... "That was y/n princess, she had a bad dream and it scared her..." "But y/n ain't scared of anything!" gasps Katie, "you weren't really scared were you y/n?"

🌼 and even though you go to shake your head and tell her that her dads being a rotter, telling tales again John interrupts again pulling Katie up into his lap, deciding that quarter past 3 in the morning is prime time for valuable life lessons with dad...

🌼 "She was Kitty, she was really scared weren't you y/n, cause everyone gets scared every now and again don't they... its good to get scared sometimes love, cause if you're never scared then you never get to be brave do ye..." and suddenly you're realising that this little life lesson he's teaching Katie, is really for you... because he knows you feel embarrassed and silly for getting scared of a bad dream, and he doesn't think you should. "An y'know the scarier the dream the more brave you've gotta be..." "Was your dream really really scary y/n?" Katie's looking at you now, her hands to her cheeks, her eyes all wide in awe of you when you nod your head and say "uhuh, pretty scary yeah..." You're blushing a bit but Johns really pleased and proud of you for being honest with her.

🌼 "So y/n's really really brave then?" asks Katie looking back at her dad who just grins and lets her scramble into your arms to hug you tightly... "Yeah princess, y/n's the bravest mammy in the world..."

🌼 You feel much better having one of the littleuns all cosy in your arms and with Katie tucked up between you and her dad, his arm draped over the two of you all snug and protective you're able to go back to sleep feeling safe and warm.

Bonnie

🍀 Bonnie is generally quite a heavy sleeper once he's awake, its because he's so relaxed about everything, once he really drifts off he's hard to wake up

🍀 however, because generally he sleeps spooning you or with you resting on top of him, his arms wrapped around you, he will stir whenever you stir and often you waking up is enough to wake him up too.

🍀 Which means when you start crying and tossing and turning in your sleep, getting more and more upset, he'd start comforting you and shushing you in his sleep. Both of you still lost to your own separate dreams, his much calmer than yours.

🍀 His arms would tighten their grip around you and he'd nuzzle into you, "shhh little dove, shh," his voice leaking into your nightmare somehow soothing you as you struggle to wake up.

🍀 So when you do wake up, even though it was his comforting words which were guiding you out of your nightmare, he's still sleeping peacefully, his face nuzzled into your neck, his lips mumbling against you. He even presses a little kiss to your skin and for a second you wonder if he's woken up, but he isn't and you realise he's still asleep when his words trail off and stop making sense.

🍀 So you try to lie there very still, try to shut your eyes and go back to sleep, you don't want to ruin his sleep because he really needs to be well rested for his boxing, and you wouldn't want him to be tired when he's doing Blinder work. If something happened to him then you'd blame yourself forever... and actually thats what the dream had been about so you start spiralling...

🍀 You'd get so lost in your catastrophising thoughts, imagining what would happen if he died, how heartbroken you'd be, you're so lost in the thought, already grieving the boy who is perfectly fine, tucked up in bed next to you, that you don't realise you've started to cry, that you've started sniffling and sobbing and that your shaking has woken him up.

🍀 "Little dove what's the matter sweet pea?" he asks, his arms tightening around you as you try to pull away from him and wipe your eyes dry. He'd hold onto you tightly, kissing your cheek, propping himself up on his elbow so that you'd sink closer into his side, lying on your back looking up at him. He'd look down at you with concern in his eyes, his serious expression tugging his brows together.

🍀 He'd catch one of your tears with his thumb and stroke it away, and when you tried to shy away from him, when you tried to roll into him and hide your face against his chest he'd catch you before you could, his hand on your shoulder holding you back, pushing you gently back down into the mattress.

🍀 "Asked you a question little dove," he'd say with a cheeky smile, "cmon sweetheart tell me what's wrong eh, you look sad..." He strokes your shoulder with his hand and then when you sniffle and a bigger sob escapes you he give in, bundles you up in his arms and lets you bury your face in his chest so that you can have a big cry.

🍀 Strokes your hair and hushes you whilst you cry, kisses your head and lets it linger. He's got his serious face on because it's always a serious thing when his little dove is crying.

🍀 Sings you a little folk song thats always made you smile, his voice soft and low, you can hear the little smile in his voice as he sings and it soothes you, paints a little smile on your face too despite your tears and eventually you've calmed enough to tell him what's wrong.

🍀 You're not embarrassed to tell Bonnie about your bad dream, you don't feel the need to put on a brave face in front of him because he's always been so soft with you, always been your fierce protector, always had a way of making you feel small and safe, and not embarrassed to need him...

🍀 And as you talk to him and get sad all over again he listens quietly and scatters you in gentle brushing kisses, stroking your hair and using the corner of the covers to wipe your tears away.

🍀 He'd rest your head on his chest and slowly sink back down so that he's lying on his back head propped up on the pillows and you're leaning against him, him cradling your head to his chest with both hands.

🍀 "S'alright now little dove, m'here an m'gonna look after you yeah, always be here for you, always be safe cause I'll always be here t'protect you won't I?" he'll make you answer that question, he'll tilt your chin up with his fingers so that your gaze meets his when you say "uhuh."

🍀 If you're still too scared to sleep, he'll be very sleepy and his sleepiness will go some way to relaxing you, even if you're scared you'll have that heaviness in your eyes and his yawns will be contagious.

🍀 He'll sit up with you resting against his chest, he'll pull the covers right up and get you snug, and then he'll start whispering that little lullaby folk song to you again to sooth you, his voice sweet and low, a little husky where he's half asleep. And he'll keep singing to you until you're both drifting off together, he'll try to stay awake for as long as you, and he'll make you promise him you'll wake him up if you need him again.

🍀 "I mean it little dove, tell me what're you gonna do if you wake up scared again?" ".... I'll wake you up Bon..." "Promise?" "Promise." He'd kiss you on the forehead, "good girl," and then probably kiss you again, holding you close and snug and safe.

Isaiah

🐀 Does not take your nightmare seriously enough because he's stupid, a dumb man who thinks it's funny to tease his poor girl even when she's scared.

🐀 You wake up terrified, the dream you'd been having had been awful, it was a sleep paralysis one where you couldn't move and you were certain you were going to die... your hearts racing when you wake up and as you shoot bolt up right in bed your hands clasp over your mouth to stifle your scream.

🐀 Which wakes Isaiah up, and he's grumpy about that because he's a man who likes his sleep.

🐀 "What the fuck y/n what're y'doin its the middle of the bloody night..." he'd be mumbling and grumbling, one arm reaching out to try and coax you back down into bed.

🐀 But when you try to speak and a gasp comes out instead he sits up to get qa better look at you. You try to be brave, shaking your head, letting out a little breath, closing your eyes and saying "just a dream, just a bad dream everything's fine,"

🐀 And Isaiah hears you and snorts, can't hold back his stupid little laugh because he can't believe the boldest woman he knows is trying to calm herself down after a bad dream. He can't believe theres a dream you could have had that would scare you enough you'd need calming down.

🐀 "What's this love? Bad dream... surely you ain't scared by a bad dream?" he doesn't really mean it, he's smiling when he says it, grinning until you turn to him with tears in your eyes and he realises that actually you really are upset.

🐀 "Shit love you really are ain't ye... fuckin hell what happened? Did I break up with you or something?" You glare at him, your eyes watery with thick gloopy tears, you want to smack him, want to tell him you'll be the one breaking up with him in a minute if he's not careful, but you're too upset and your mind is still on that terrible dream so instead of hitting him or snapping back with a sharp joke of your own you just burst into tears instead.

🐀 "Shut up Isaiah you stupid prick!" you sob trying to be angry at him but instead being too upset. All you want is a hug and your stupid boyfriends sitting there chuckling at you... thinks this is funny!

🐀 But when you start really crying he stops laughing, or at least tries to because it isn't funny anymore... he just can't help himself, this time his chuckling and his stupid little joke is because he's nervous and trying to back track

🐀 "ah am sorry mousy come here eh love, come here have a cuddle eh you're alright am here..." and though you don't really want a cuddle off him now because he's laughed at you and humiliated you, you let him sit up and wrap his arms around you anyway. He cuddles you into his body and shifts you so that you're sitting in his lap.

🐀 He'd drape the covers around you both and rock you gently, "am sorry love, didn't mean to make you cry eh, didn't realise you were so upset yeah, not like you is it being bothered over a little dream.." "Wasn't just some dream Saiah it was fuckin horrid!" you sob, upsetting yourself more and getting annoyed with yourself for showing him this vulnerable side he doesn't usually get to see.

🐀 "Shhh, I know love, must have been fuckin horrid to scare you eh, usually the other way round..." he's teasing you again now because thats a lie, you're a brave girl, usually pretty fearless, but you certainly don't strike fear into other people. No ones scared of Isaiah's Mousy lass.

🐀 "Don't be stupid Saiah" you mumble nuzzling into him, letting him kiss you and dry your tears, his teasing settling you a little. "Nah it's true love, you don't need to be scared of anything cause you're the scariest lass in small heath, no ones ever gonna pick a fight with you..." he's trying to build your confidence up so that you'll believe in yourself a bit more, so that you'll start believing him and won't be scared anymore.

🐀 Does ask you what the dream was about but he's not sure he wants to know because if it was scary enough to scare you he worries it will scare him too and he won't be able to comfort you...

🐀 But when he asks you get all defensive and smirk at him, trying to joke despite your tears, "You broke up with me..." and though he laughs he still wants to know, "Aye well we know that ain't gonna happen any time soon eh mousy," he'd tease kissing your nose and then tricking you, flipping you over so he's hovering above you and he's got you pinned to the mattress in a tangle of covers, he's threatening to tickle you and you can't help but giggle and try to squirm away... "Gonna tell me what really scared you now eh love?"

🐀 So after a little more of this apparent play fight you finally tell him all about the dream and this time he doesn't laugh at you or tease you and instead he gets very serious. He lets himself fall back down into bed beside you and kisses the centre of your collar bones, resting his head on your chest so he can listen to your heart beating.

🐀 "Sounds fucked up love," he says looking up at you and pinching your chin between his thumb and forefinger, steering your gaze down to him, "but you don't need to be scared now right, cause your mans a peaky fuckin blinder eh, no ones gonna mess with us..." Then he'll tell you he won't ever let anything bad happen to you.

🐀 Kind of like Bonnie, Isaiah is a sleepy boy and he'd be struggling to stay awake for you, but he'll do his best. He'd probably spoon you, kissing your shoulders and stroking your hair out of your face, his strong arms wrapped around you, holding you nice and tight against him so that you know you're snug and secure.

🐀 Will either start aggressively flirting with you to distract you or make you laugh, or he'll keep making stupid little jokes to try and ease your mind, the jokes getting sillier and sillier the more tired he gets. He won't let you fall asleep sad though.

🐀 Probably use it as an excuse to get you to have a lie in with him the next morning, he'll be grafting for sleepy morning sex, any excuse to squeeze you a little closer to him.

🐀 Might tease you about your nightmare a few days later only to flinch away from the death glare you fix him with.

Michael

☘️ Michael has a lot of bad dreams, haunting memories from his childhood which he refuses to talk about though you recognise that fearful blank look in his eyes when he wakes in the middle of the night and has to light a cigarette to calm down.

☘️ So he's very sympathetic to your nightmares and he doesn't like the fact that he can't control your dreams, can't get into your head and stop you from ever having a nightmare ever again.

☘️ So when you have you nightmares and wake up crying and shaking, breathless with fear he wakes up like clockwork, working on autopilot. His lethargic sigh leaving him as he pushes himself up, eyes not even open yet when he reaches to bundle you up in his arms.

☘️ He'd have you bundled in his lap, his chin resting on top of your head so that you feel secure with his arm around you, all held snug in place. He'd reach for the cigarettes he keeps by his bed, taking a box of matches, still half asleep as he mumbles a little comfort to you.

☘️ "Alright love, you're alright now, I've got you, s'all alright now love..."

☘️ Because the two of you have this routine down and you know the motions by heart, you'd begun to calm the second you felt his arms around you, the second you heard that long sleepy sigh leave his lips. You know you're safe because he's there.

☘️ "Have a cigarette love, you'll feel better in a minute eh?" he says placing the cigarette between your lips, drying your tears with his sleeve as he does. He'd place one between his lips too and light yours then his. The two of you cuddled up together having your cigarettes and gazing at your quiet cosy bedroom.

☘️ "The same dream?" he'll ask and when you nod your head he feel a pang of sympathy for you because you've described it to him before and he knows if it was him he'd hate to be trapped in such an awful nightmare. "Wanna talk about it?" his questions are so calm and so simple, going through the motions of your shared routine, it's so familiar, so secure and you feel so much calmer knowing he's there with you.

☘️ Because you both have your bad dreams and you both struggle to sleep you have this thing where you keep your bedroom as safe and snug as you can. It isn't very big and theres nothing that could cast an unpleasant shadow in the night. You sleep with the window open just a little, on a high up enough floor that nothing, no one could ever get in. It's your little sanctuary and you both know you're safe there.

☘️ And thats what Michael will tell you whilst you smoke your cigarette. "See this bedroom love, this bedrooms our sanctuary right, so you know yeah, that you and me are safe and sound in here, s'just me and you and absolutely no one or nothin is ever gonna hurt you in here, it's just me and you love," he's tired but he holds back his yawn and kisses your temple, blows smoke out above your head.

☘️ With the warm glow of the lamp, the soft smouldering smell of cigarette smoke clouding around you, the sound of Michaels breathing beside yours, the feeling of his chin resting in your hair, his arm hold you close to his chest, you feel so safe and secure. You know he really means it when he says you're safe in that room, really believes it.

☘️ And if Michael really believes it then you believe it too. You'd close your eyes and nestle into his side, take a deep breath in and then a long sleepy sigh as he pulls the covers up over you, takes your cigarette end and stubs it out in the ash tray. Puts his out too and then slips down against the headboard, still holding you. Cradling your head against his chest.

☘️ "See," he'd yawn then, "safe and sound eh, just me an you, safe and sound..." he'd close his eyes and kiss your forehead, rest his cheek on top of your head and slowly the two of you would drift back off to sleep together sweet as you like.

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