#its almost 2am PHEW

[honeyrine]

death of the sun

[fakeuwus]

Awe.. well i'm glad youre doing better than before! And phew.. work huh? Issokay ik u can endure it :]

And me? I've been alright ! hehe its almost 2am here and i can't rlly sleep for some reason 🥹

2 am omg 😭😭😭 i feel u tho im an insane nightowl so even if i have to work at 8 ill be up at 2 sometimes too LOL plus ur phone will make u stay up late even more... i get so sidetracked on tik tok and tumblr even tho im tired lmaoo i call it my enrichment time~~~ do u have to wake up early tomo :0

[theodora3022]

Headcanons of Yandere! Inasa Yoarashi

Request: Reader is a female UA student with a strong wind quirk, Inasa Yoarashi met her during the provisional license exam. She is not particularly charming or beautiful, but she peaked Inasa’s interests. Normally, she is a friendly person. However when he tried to talk to her, she would give a curt reply, clearly wants nothing to do with him. What angers him more is: She is close to Shoto Todoroki! Little did Inasa knows she is avoiding him because she is insecure about her control over the winds, she fears that the winds might favour Inasa and she would be left quirkless. Head canons please. Today is the wind boy’s birthday and there’s just so little content of him...He is underrated.

Notes: Interesting suggestion! Today is indeed his birthday, I shall tend to your request at once! I been wanting to write about him for a while ngl, but I just cannot find an exact idea. Thank you for this amazing idea, anon. There’s not much information about his personality so I don’t worry this being OOC hehe.  Sorry if this turns out to be a bit Yandere… Man this took way longer then expected, please enjoy!

Update: Sequal No.1, Sequal.2(Coming soon)

Some of this is inspired by @reinawritesbnha​‘s post. Go give it a read! It’s one of the best I ever seen.

Warning: Violence(non-graphic), yandere, kidnapping, dub con, implied breeding kink (? Idk this is the first time I wrote something like this)

You are a strong pro-hero in training. You can command airflows to your will, any gas is under your disposal. It is only a matter of time before you become the big three of your year. Even Bakugou does not want to anger you. You are a powerful tempest towards your enemies. Overall, you are quite confident about your abilities. 

That is, before you met Inasa Yoarashi during the provisional license exam.

When you first saw him, you feel this sense of…familiarity. Even though you never met him before, you cannot shake this feeling of connection with Inasa.

Then you felt his cold glance towards your direction. But when his eyes met yours, his lips curl up into a big grin and bowed slightly.

“I am Inasa Yoarashi, also known as Gale Force, from Shiketsu High. And what is your name, beautiful miss from UA?” Man, he is loud.

Ah, so he is Gale force. You learned about him when picking out your hero name, he also has a wind quirk. Then it strikes you: what if the winds like him better? What if they just abandon me while he is around? Those thoughts make you feel helpless, the scenario of being quirkless terrifies you to no end.

The blush of being called “beautiful” is gone, instead you replace it with a stoic face: “Pleasure to meet you, Mr Yoarashi. I am (F/N) (L/N), also known as (hero name). Come on Shoto, they are almost starting, we should get going. Please excuse us.”

You walk away, smiling at Shoto. Leaving Inasa there, angry and confused.

He immediately regrets withdrawing his application from UA. If he had been in your school, it is him you would smile and befriend now, instead of that wicked Todoroki! The way you are calling his first name, so intimate, just sends anger through his brain.

So, you have a wind quirk too, huh? No wonder he feels this instant connection with you.

Froze there for a couple of seconds, until Nagamasa Mora called him. “What has gotten into you, Inasa? The exam is going to start soon.” Ashamed to admit his true feelings, Inasa would brush off the older man’s concern, and pretend nothing had happened.

Words cannot describe how he felt when he saw you in your hero costume. Like Inasa, you had chosen to put a thick jacket on. The skies can get quite cold, after all. His looks practical, with multiple tubes to help regulate the air currents. But your grey coat looks like an expensive piece from a boutique, the edges even has fur for decorations. Inasa think your look fits for a scroll in the snow, instead of a battlefield. It’s probaly for disguise to fool villians. You have not fully button up the coat yet, he can still glimpse the (favorite colour) spandex bodysuit underneath. If this has not been an exam, Inasa swears he would ask you to go to dinner with him, here and now.

Feeling his gaze fixated on you, you tense up nervously. Is he finding ways to take the winds away from me? Horrified, you decide to stay far away from him during the exam as possible.

Shoto noticed your nervous state, he asks you what is wrong. You shrug, stating it is just pre-exam stress.

Every time Inasa sees you and Shoto’s friendly interactions, his heart bleeds. But he decides to wait until after the exam to take any action. He also decides to impress you with his outstanding performance in the exam.

When you choose the furthest area from him, it left him feeling disappointed. So he chooses a tall building as his battleground, to better utilize his quirk and to watch you from afar.

Unlike his approach with winds, which focus on intensity and strength, your winds concentrate their efforts on speed. Stealth and fast, most people only catch your afterimage in the corner of their eyes.

Your strategy is creating vacuums around their heads. When your opponents are choking due to lack of oxygen, you press them against a solid surface to knock them out. Then you score with the tennis balls, done. Simple yet effective. It has only been five minutes into the exam, and you are already finished, with minimal efforts of two people unconscious.

Inasa saw all of this from the top of the building, of course. Like an assassin of the night, you move with such grace, and that speed of yours! Truly amazing. He had never thought of creating vacuums before. He guesses this is one of your ultimate moves.

He might just be curious about you before, but after seeing you fly around with that incredible swiftness, Inasa find himself becoming more smitten with you.

It is settled in his mind: he has to have you. Just imagine how what a power couple you two would be! The wind duo will be invincible. And your children would have the strongest wind quirk ever.

In the break room, you sigh with relief; you reached your goals: stay furthest away from Inasa as possible and passing with negligible efforts. Taking out your (favorite snack) from your backpack, you decide to reward yourself a little.

But then you find Inasa grinning at you across the room. Your good mood vanishes instantly.

Talking to Shoto to distract yourself from his burning stare, you felt his gaze moved away.

“That Yoarashi guy, I saw him in the entrance exam for recommended students. I was surprised that he went to Shiketsu.”

Phew. You were delighted to hear him say that. You would not want to deal with this situation on a daily basis.

Before you can feel that delight, however. Inasa invites himself into your conversation.

“Your speed is incredible! The way you master your winds is truly impressive. We should train together sometime. We can share our experiences on the winds!”

Being the nice person you are, you did not ignore him, trying to bring yourself to like him. You do want to share experience with a fellow wind user.

You did not notice how he left Shoto out of the conversation, completely. Not that he wants to socialize with Inasa, but still.

To Inasa, you remind him of the warm spring breeze. A ray of sunshine, easygoing and friendly, the complete opposite of Todoroki.

Of course, you are unaware of his ridiculous plans involving a future together and children. You just see him as a enthusiastic, loud boy.

Shoto can feel his obsession thoughts for you, however. After Inasa left to prepare for the second part, Shoto warned you subtlety. But you did not take it seriously, saying that is just how Inasa make friends. “He’s like that with everyone. No need to worry.”

The second exam you devoted yourself into rescuing. Shoto said he would deal with the villain. So you just focused on dealing with injured “civilians”. After gaining knowledge of their “injuries”, you lift the debris with winds and deliver them to the first-aid station.

It was after the exam you find out the two had fight while dealing with the villain.

They did not pass. You comforted Shoto about it, leaving Inasa upset. He failed the exam too; he needs your comforting words just as much as Todoroki!

You exchanged numbers with Inasa upon depart, promise him to train together soon. You fear of inferiority is gone; being this close to him, you can sense his power is not as strong as yours. Evidently it is him who should worry about falling out of the wind’s favour.  

Your friends, especially Mina, tease you about your little encounter with the other wind user. Calling him your “Shiketsu boyfriend”. You yell for them to stop, saying you only seen him as a friend.

Inasa’s friends are pretty much the same. Although he is a year younger, his sociable nature made him approachable. He shows off now he got your number, and they all laughed. “She can create vacuums and suffocate people; I would hate to get on (y/n)’s bad side.”

After the exam, he wrote out his plan of attack, staying up until 2am to do so. Shiketsu forbid its students to have any romantic relationships, so Inasa wasn’t planning on having one with you. Your relationship with him will remain platonic until you both graduate.

It involves an arranged marriage and an immense sum of dowry to bribe your parents. His father always taught him to go after what he wants with all his might. Inasa cannot wait until you graduate and move in with him. It is such a shame a powerful hero like you have to become a homemaker so soon. But he cannot have you swinging around the city in spandex, they are for his eyes only. He wants to keep you in the safety of his house, to train his brood of offspring. Yes, that is what your prestigious UA diploma for-for his children’s head start in life.

Stalking you would be difficult since you can sense the movement of air around you. They report any abnormalities to you at once. So he watched you from afar, how you shoot across the sky like a bullet to go to school every morning, how you relaxed in mid air during lunch break, or how you laugh with your friends outdoors.

Sometimes you would feel like someone is watching you, but the winds say all clear. So you just mark it as you are being too self-conscious and do not care.

You two would occasionally text and train together/help each other with homework on weekends, getting lunch together afterwards. him acting like nothing less then a gentleman. You start viewing him as a friend, despite what Shoto said before.

Inasa is glad that you did not seem to take interest in any boys during your high school time. If you end up inTodoroki’s arms, he does not know what he will do to Shoto.

A week after you graduate UA your parents told you they have received a marriage proposal. They have already accepted it, so there is no room for negotiation.

You are shocked to surprised finding your intended to be Inasa Yoarshi. You thought of him only as a training buddy prior to this.You ask to postpone the marriage until you become a full pro-hero but was shut down rather brutally. He said he will provide for you. There is no need for you to work when he can just take care of everything.

“Don’t worry, love. I’m going to take such great care of you! You can teach the children at home, so they can get a head start in hero life!”

Avoiding him would be pretty easy considering your speed, you can carry on with hero work as if nothing has happened, even moving to another city. However if this goes on for too long, Inasa will kidnap you.

Most likely to steal you away from your apartment at night, as he is as good at being stealthy as you. You live alone, it was a breeze. Some Chloroform and ropes would get the job done. 

You would wake up in a nicely furnished room one morning, quirk-cancelling collar locked on your neck. With chains long just enough to reach the bathroom.

Inasa hates seeing you upset, but it is all going to be better once you get used to your new employment: his sweet wife, the mother of his children.

Will consider letting you go outside for grocery shopping if you been good, with his company of course.

He would never raise a hand on you, no matter how much you screams and reisists him. Being so understanding, Inasa knows you need some time to come around. 

He loves nothing more then watching you do domestic chores, this man got issues. He expects you stay at home, cook dinner for him and take care of him. Which is a nightmare for you, since you despise housewife life.

You are so helpless without your winds to protect you, so you tried to rip this goddamn collar off everyday. But it was futile: only Inasa has the key.

You went to bed with him just to get some time outdoors, since your claustrophobia is acting up. You didn’t expect him to be so gentle and soft. But you regret it soon after because he become insatiable afterwards.

Then two months later you found yourself in the bathroom, staring at a positive pregnacy test. 

Once Inasa knows about your condition, he will loosen the restrictions. You can now use your quirk under his supervisions: it’s excerise, and the two of you both need it.

He would take you to comittee events, to go visit his friends, even letting you see your friends from time to time. You also got your phone back, but with a tracking app installed on it. 

Now all he has to do is wait a couple more months to meet his child.

[someonewhowannadielol]

inevitable love (Yandere!Taehyung x SmolBaby!Reader)

You obviously couldn’t take care of yourself, so Kim Taehyung took matters in his own hands. Literally.

Warning: Harassment, loads of capitalism (kinda ironic that I hate capitalism, considering I’m an Econ student sigh), big dog chase idrk, y/n complains a lot lmao also she’s textbook smart but lowkey dumb,,, like me, I'm literally y/n anywaYS 

CHAPTER ONE (Honestly, its more of a prologue)

P.S Sorry, this one's mostly focused on Y/N, I promise Taehyung will make it in the next chap! 

Word Count: 1.4k

This was ridiculous. You had graduated from one of the finest business schools in the world, yet, here you were, sitting in your shabby studio apartment, listening to another rejection after the countless job interviews while watching the paint peel off the walls. You never really thought life would lead to this, you sitting here on your mattress, eating (probably uncooked) ramen, and crossing another job opportunity. The ramen wasn’t that bad, there were no complaints about it from your side anyways, because you couldn’t cook for shit and any food other than premade food was a waste in this household. You still have nightmares about the incident when you accidentally forgot to take off the plastic packaging off the sliced cheese before making a cheese sandwich in the microwave. Only to watch the microwave - and the cheese – explode in front your eyes. The poor baby.

Glancing at your watch, you realize that you have to head downtown to your job – which was paid under minimum wage, but it did make you better off than the homeless, and the jobless. You could still afford at least one meal a day (Was cup ramen considered a meal?) and the chef at the diner would sneakily give you food, sigh, he was so nice. Sometimes, you look back, and think where things went wrong. You were basically a child genius, always a couple classes ahead of your peers, you got almost got a perfect score on the SAT at the first try (it was a 1560!), you got your bachelor’s degree at the age of 18, instead of the usual 22. You look back and see how you used to think that you could afford a luxurious penthouse apartment in Manhattan and pay off your student loans within a year, while working in one of the best companies in world.

You did have the textbook knowledge, but who was there to teach you about the practical world? The real world? The textbooks didn’t teach you how to pay your water and electricity bills, they didn’t teach you how to hold your tears back when the landlord puts a suggestive hand on your waist, they didn’t teach you how to accept countless rejections, or how to use coupons while grocery shopping, or how to ignore the everyday catcalls, or how to walk through the streets at night. They didn’t teach you how to cope with the fact that your father died but you didn’t have enough money for a flight back to your hometown, they didn’t teach you how to not shout at your mother who got a new family, they didn’t teach you the reality.

So, here you were, two years later, serving disgusting men who harassed you, while wearing a skirt that was too short for your liking and heels that made your feet ache every single day. Somehow, it was worse today. Your hair wouldn’t co-operate, your mascara had officially dried out and no amount of contact solution could revive it from its flaky texture, your manager basically manipulated you to wear red lipstick, and these goddamn heels won’t stop hurting your feet.

At this point, I’m just going to die from the chronic feet pain, you thought.

It was just an endless day of serving, picking up dirty dishes, and of course, ignoring the occasional disgusting words of “endearment” from your customers. You were just picking up the mess of ketchup left by a couple of rowdy boys who sat here 15 minutes earlier, repeatedly asking for your number. Interesting enough, despite all the catcalling, you can only recall four people asking for your number.

The first one had been a wannabe bike rider, he was tall, around 6’4 – give or take – and quite chunky with a full curly beard down to his chest. Despite knowing some people who would dig this vibe, you personally didn’t love the entire ensemble. In fact, you cringed whenever you saw these people perform their tricks on the streets (You cringed even more when you saw them fall and smash their head open. Yikes).

You remember, it was your third day at the newly acquired job, and while you weren’t all that ecstatic to start working here (You were already looking for other, more well paid jobs with more benefits), you still respected the job requirement and went up to the customer and asked, “What would you like to order, sir?” in your sweetest voice possible.

“Well, what’s on the special menu?”

Special menu? You weren’t informed about any special menu, maybe your manager forgot to tell you?

“I’m sorry, I’m quite new here, I’ll go confirm this special menu with my manager,” and just as you tried to go to your manager – who by the way had been keeping an eye on you since you got here, you could say she wasn’t exactly fond of you – scary biker dude grabbed your wrist, a little too tight to be called comfortable, and you couldn’t help but wince.

“Oh sweetheart, you’re the first and only item on the special menu. And I’d like to order that, with a side of Vanilla milkshake,”

Okay, crinnngggeee.

And then, as impossible as it seemed, you were forced to smile and laugh it off, even if it disgusted you to the core. And then, you were manipulated to hand over your phone number.

Just go with the flow, Y/N, just go with the flow. Block it later, no worries.

He was known to be a usual customer, but surprisingly, he didn’t actually ever come to the diner after that, nor did he call you. Now that you notice, no one you gave your number to, actually did call you. Whether it was the biker, or the druggie, or the 50-year-old man who promised to buy you a yacht. Eh, he was so old, he probably died on his way home. So, you never knew whether to take it as an insult, or a blessing.

Well, this day was almost over until 5 minutes before closing down, a bunch of people, who were probably high, because of the unmistakable scent of weed coming from them – came and demanded to be served. Of course, the manager could score any penny she could, so of course, you were forced to work overtime again. Without getting paid.

Finally, a little after 1am, you could take off these horrid heels and slip into the much comfier sketchers. Sure, you had glued them a couple of times, and sure, they kept on breaking because you’ve had them since high school, but it’s okay. You’ll live.

You were halfway down the route to your house, as you tried to rub your fingers together and somehow magically take away the freezing wind this cold night brought. As you walked, you attempted to feel your phone in your back pocket – annddd just when you thought your day couldn’t get any worse. You’d probably left it back in your locker or your apron’s pocket and for a second you contemplated whether it would be worth it to go all the way back at 2am to get you phone. You almost decided against it, but remembered that you would get the confirmation call from the job interview you gave on Thursday, anytime tomorrow. And so, you decided to go back. Well, this was one of the worst decisions of your life. Scratch that, it was the worst decision of your life.

You reached the diner in approximately 10 minutes, but obviously, everything was locked and there was no way you’d sneak in there because, phew, if you got caught you’d lose the only job you have. Just as you turned back, you saw the biggest fucking dog you’ve ever seen. You didn’t know much about dogs, except for the fact that you’re shitless scared of the big, scary ones – and this was definitely a big, scary one. His fur was coated with black, brown and red spots, about half your height, and had teeth that could tear a human in mere seconds.

You didn’t really know whether to run or gently walk away, making it think you weren’t a threat – you took a couple slow steps back while looking at it in the eye, but you’re a dumbass and suddenly decided to run. Somehow along the run you lost the dog. And one of your shoes. And your apartment keys. And your bag which contained this week’s paycheck.

Well, you were fucked.

A/N: Please do give feedback! Also, tell me if you want to be on the taglist for this!

[thejokersenigma]

Christmas Advent Calendar 2017 - Day 9 - Joker x Reader - A Christmas Carol Part 2

Phew, managed to finish with 2 minutes left until midnight! I’m tired and so this may not be the best! But I hope you enjoy anyway!

MASTERLIST

When J awoke the room was still completely dark, yet the clock by his bed read 23:07. It couldn’t be 11pm -  it had been 2am when J had left his office for his room.

It wouldn’t have been the first time that J had slept a whole day away, but the date on the clock still read 24/12. Maybe his head was still clouded with the alcohol.

He pushed himself to his feet, not feeling particularly rested, and made his way to the large windows that made up one of the walls of his bedroom. He ripped the heavy curtains away, the night outside still clearly pitch black despite the frost on the glass, blurred lights of the nearby buildings the only thing he could obviously see.

The Joker was wide awake now and stalked out into the rest of the empty penthouse, heading into his office where he firmly closed the door behind him and poured a large drink, the odd hallucination from earlier that evening still haunting his chaotic mind.

He sipped his drink moodily, sat at his desk staring blankly at the solid black door in front of him, only the small dim lamp producing any light in the room. Every time he thought of Marlo he kept thinking how something had been off about him. There were certain things he did that none of his hallucinations ever did. They rarely ever spoke back, never really listened to him like Marlo had, and certainly didn’t sit next to him for a chat. But it could only be a hallucination, nothing else – maybe Frost had just brought him the good stuff this time and so his hallucinations were, in turn, stronger than usual.

The Joker remained lost in his mind for the next hour, vaguely hearing the chiming of an antique clock that sat on the mantle piece of the unused fireplace in his study. It hit 12 and the dull chimes echoed through the empty rooms.

Suddenly a large light – similar to that of a flood light - illuminated the room making J shield his eyes. He had to wonder if the police had finally got lucky and found him out, thinking the light to be that of a search light of a GCPD helicopter – if they had any of those left after J’s latest stunts.

J spun to look at the window behind his desk, but the light was too bright to see anything, forcing him to shield his eyes. Just as soon as it had come, the light was gone, and the room was plunged into darkness – even the small desk lamp having somehow gone out.

J turned back to face the rest of the room again, finding himself blind thanks to the sudden darkness, and unable to make anything out through the glass. He glanced across at where he knew the lamp was on his desk. Was it purely coincidental that the bulb had gone out, or was this someone’s idea of trying to intimidate him?

He let out a echoing laugh into the darkness at the very idea and took another sip of his drink as the lamp flickered back on next to him. Must be a lose bulb instead then. He’d have to remember to yell at Frost in the morning. No. Frost had tomorrow off now. He clenched his jaw in annoyance at the thought.

But then something distracted J. A figure stood in the shadows of the room, too far back to for the small lamp on the desk to reach his figure.

“Can I help you?” The Joker asked dryly, not at all impressed by the disruption, his hand reaching into the drawer of his desk and retrieving the pistol store there.

“I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.” It said in familiar voice.

The Joker let out a loud, empty cackle, absent of any humour. “How the hell did you get up here, Eddie?” The man stepped into the light, dressed in his usual bright green suit, white shirt and dark tie, a matching bowler hat on his head and his hands gloved in purple, holding his usual golden staff, the end twisted into its characteristic question mark.

The Riddler said nothing in response to the question.

“You’d better have a good reason for disturbing me…” Joker growled in annoyance at Ed’s disrespect.

“I am here to help you.” He said simply, though his voice sounded more hollow than usual and he didn’t appear to be his usual cocky and flamboyant self.

“I would have thought it would have been more helpful if you let me have my drink and return to bed.” The Joker pointed out contemptuously.

“Your reclamation, then.”

“Smaller words Eddie…” Joker drawled, bored of the late-night visitor and wishing he’d take him and his riddles out of here. “Why couldn’t this wait till tomorrow?” Joker asked in annoyance, tilting his head back and leaning it against the back of the chair. He was feeling tired for the first time in a long time. All these hallucinations were taking it out of him.

Suddenly his chair was spun violently around, halting sharply so he faced the window again. Before he could even comprehend what was happening, he was yanked out of his chair by something pulling around his waist and landed nimbly on his feet despite the few drinks he’d had.

A glance down at his torso confirmed he’d been pulled by the Riddler’s staff, somehow unwrapping out of it’s usual solid shape to curl around his waist. The gun was still in his hand he now aimed it directly at Nigma’s chest.

“Huge mistake Eddie.” He snarled with a wide, sinister grin, not even bothering to wonder how Eddie had moved that fast, or how his cane how somehow been modified. The staff was unhooked from around the Jokers waist and returned to it’s usual size and shape in the Riddler’s hand.

“Come with me.” Was all the Riddler said, curling his fingers on his outstretched hand, his eyes not even bothering to look at the gun now pointing at him, as though he hadn’t even seen it.

“I don’t believe you’re in any position to tell me what to do, my wordy little friend.” Grinned the Joker madly, still aiming the gun – and people said he was crazy.

The Riddler ignored this too though, grabbing J’s arm that was outstretched with the gun, and dragging him towards the window. The Joker was slightly taken aback by the man handling, but barely hesitated before firing the gun at the exact point that he was pulled through the penthouse window.

When J’s eyes focused again he was stood in what appeared to be an old pub. It was completely impossible. Must be another hallucination and J growled something to himself. He’d never known them to be so vivid as to create a how new scene around him as well as a person – as he was now certain the man next to him could possibly be real. The Riddler stood next to him, completely unharmed and as uncaring at J’s presence as before, despite the fact that the Joker was certain he had shot him. Even now the man’s eyes weren’t on him, but straight ahead of where they stood.

The Joker was about to demand what was supposedly going on in this hallucination as he followed the fake Riddler’s gaze, but he was silenced by what he saw.

It was him. An old him – in the way that he was in fact younger. And his skin was normal. His hair wasn’t green. And he was wearing a dark, rather tatty and worn suit with a rather crinkled shirt underneath which was done up to the highest button.

Joker knew this moment from his past. But why was it playing out around him now? ‘The Ghost of Christmas Past.’ Was he dreaming rather than hallucinating? But he’d had never thought of this moment since he’d been dunked in those chemicals all those years ago.

There was one way to differentiate between hallucinations and dreams.  J reached into trouser pocket and pulled out a pen knife, flicking it open and, without hesitation, slicing into his left palm. The wound oozed blood sluggishly, quickly clotting. The Joker let out a loud cackling laugh at the sheer ridiculousness and impossibility of the situation.

“Alright Ghosty!” The Joker went, going along with the whatever his mind wanted him to see. “Whatta we here for?” He grinned.

The Riddler pointed at the front door as it opened to reveal two men. They walked casually into the bar like it was their regular place – which it was – grabbing a drink from the bar before they wandered over to where the younger J sat.

“Jacobs and Gamphrey….” Drawled the Joker, reaching out a hand to grab Gamphrey’s arm, but the hallucination walked straight through him, both men continuing on none the wiser, and taking a seat next to the other J and playfully elbowing him in the side. You couldn’t see it on his face – even back then he was good at putting on a mask – but the Joker knew he had been anxious that night. It had been Christmas eve. The night before the big heist. J’s first real heist that he had planned himself. It had taken a long time to get to that point thanks to lack of funds for it or anyone willing to take him seriously about the idea, but he had managed to cobble enough resources together with the help of the men now sat with him.

The Joker almost felt sorry for those men that had come to his office earlier that evening suggesting a series of blueprints for heists over the holidays. He had been in a similar position once.

“What is it, Joker?” Came the Riddler’s voice next to him as though he could read his mind. The Joker growled at him, clenching his jaw and not saying anything. Instead, he watched the naïve joking faces of the three friends. Jacobs and Gamphrey wouldn’t see the next morning.

“I always liked those guys…” The Joker mused, feeling himself soften slightly at the memories, but the creepy grin spreading on his face hid any emotions he had at the memory.

The Riddler nodded his head, a far off look on his face. “You will always find me in the past, I can be created in the present, but the future can never taint me.”

J shot Eddie an annoyed glance, but quickly returned his eyes to scene before him, only to find it had changed. The two men were gone, and the young J now looked slightly older, his hair neatly brushed and his suit replaced with a nicer one. He downed a glass of something as the Joker watched, then gestured for the bar tender for another, far more confident in himself now than he had been a moment ago.

The J in the memory was making eyes at a few of the women at the bar and they were flicking their hair behind their ears encouragingly. He gave them a smile - completely different to the one he frequently wore now – more cocky and arrogant.

Suddenly a man stood directly in the young J’s line of sight. “Odd way to spend ya Christmas, boy.” The Joker heard the man say in a familiar voice. The Joker looked at the man carefully, but only when he turned to take the seat next to his younger self, did he recognise a younger Marlo.

Marlo gestured to the barman as well, and, without a word in the way of an order, a bottle of strong port was delivered to the table.

“Ah, Wiese and Krohn…” Grinned the Joker happily to himself. “The man always liked his shitty port.” He told the Riddler, not caring what he said to them – after all, he was only a hallucination. They watched as Marlo poured two glasses and the young J sipped at it, making a face at the taste and Marlo laughing at his expression.

“He always told me I’d grow to like it.” J said, “Never did.” He admitted. “That was the night he asked me to join his little group. Said he saw potential in me!” The joker giggled manically. “I was too big for my britches though, turned him down flat! Didn’t think I had anything to learn! Until I lost everyman I had!” J laughed chaotically, closing his eyes and shaking with mirth at the memory of his failure and stupidity at that age.

When J opened his eyes again they weren’t in the pub anymore, they were outside a bar in the wintery night, the cold wind whipping through J’s hair, throwing it all over the place and biting at his exposed skin. His imagination was really working on overdrive tonight. He had to wonder if someone had spiked his drink.

“You know this place?” Asked the ghostly Riddler.

“Oh course…” Grinned J, picking up on the familiar décor. The place burnt down years ago thanks to a hit from a rival gang, but J would have known the place anywhere. It was Marlo’s original place of business. J had spent a large proportion of his life in this club.

It had been before the chemical bath that had warped his features and his life. Before he had changed.

He had tried to work alone for a long time - tried to set his own gang - but could never accomplish much more than a few small heists and petty crimes. Then one heist had gone horribly wrong and he’d lost all his men and had been unceremoniously kicked off his high horse.

After that he had sought out Marlo again to take him up on the offer from all those years ago. Marlo hadn’t let him in without a good bit of humiliation for J – which probably had done him good – but soon after became one of Marlo’s henchman, eventually working his way up to his right-hand man.

This club had been his home. He walked in without thinking about it.

The scene before him was one of the Christmas Eve before J had been plunged into the acid. The club was loud with the music of the era and the laughing and shouting of the dancers as the strobe lights flashed throughout the club. The Joker saw the memory of himself stood at the back of the club, tall and intimidating, next a booth where Marlo lounged with his usual glass of port, surveying the scene before him, a beautiful girl nestled under his left arm. Marlo’s girl. Marlo’s wife.

Her name had been Georgia and the two of them now cushioned up together had been inseparable and a team. She’d never looked that tough, but J had only underestimated her once before he had never done so again. She had been a force to be reckoned with and reminded him distinctly of [Y/N].

Back then J had liked one night stands just as much as the next guy, but he wanted to be like Marlo, and that meant having a girl like Marlo had.

It only took a dunk in some acid and a fried brain to get rid of that idea. No one would want him looking the way he did. But he hadn’t care anyway.

Until [Y/N]. She liked him before and she liked him afterwards. Well, up to a point.

Speaking of the girl, she now wandered up in the hallucination towards the booth. The Joker watched her movements across the club, unable to stop his eyes raking over her body, knowing each detail intimately and to the smallest degree, but still drinking them in anyway.  She hadn’t really changed from all those years ago, unlike him. She still held the same beauty and grace, walking with a sense of power and knowledge, always like she was one step ahead of you.

The Joker watched her glance across at the younger J who stood on guard by the booth with an emotionless mask over his face. Her gaze lingered on him in interest and a small smile turned her lips before she slid into the booth next to Marlo, kissing him and his wife on the cheek. Greeting her parents with a Merry Christmas before ordering a drink

J remembered how hard it was to keep his mind on his job that night, and his eyes.

After a short while, [Y/N] whispered something in her father’s ear, he glanced an expression of question down at her, but then nodded, straightening. “Lads!” Marlo called, and the surrounding henchmen gathered in front of the booth’s table, awaiting their orders. “My daughter has so kindly reminded me it is Christmas,” He told them, gesturing at the young girl by his side, “and so, she has persuaded me to give all of you the night off.” He exclaimed, and a ripple of murmurs broke out amongst the men. “You may do what you please, but under the condition that I insist you stay on the premises in case of a sudden requirement for you.” Marlo added.

The men nodded eagerly, not believing their luck. Marlo’s club was hard enough to get into on a normal night, let alone the Christmas Eve party – this was a night not to be missed, none of them wanted to leave anyway and they had soon disappeared into the crowd to enjoy their night.

Marlo was always generous to them, often at the cost to his own power or money, and J almost regretted how he treated Frost sometimes.

The Joker could have watched his younger self throughout that night, but he already knew what he did the whole night with his smitten heart. He had kept stealing glances at [Y/N]. He sometimes thought she had met his eye too, but she had never left her father’s side that night.

As the Joker he watched [Y/N] in the booth, the lights in the club faded out and he was stood in the cold night air once more.

“What are you doing?!” The Joker snarled at him angrily, because somehow, he knew all these changing scenes were the Riddler’s fault. When the Riddler didn’t answer, the Joker clenched his teeth and looked around, realising with a small shot of alarm, that they were stood the roof of a skyscraper. When he looked back round he suddenly saw Harley Quinn stood in front of him looking battered, beaten and exhausted.

“No, puddin…” She whimpered, “Please…!” Her cheeks were wet with tears and her makeup smeared. She reached out and ended up falling to her knees. J looked down at her in confusion until he heard a hard, cold laugh behind him and spun to see himself - now an exact duplicate of his current self, except maybe ever so slightly younger – pointing a gun at the sobbing psychiatrist.

J knew this memory. This was the night he had finally rid himself of Harley. He had meant to kill her. Seemed the perfect place, could even push her off the edge and make it look like she’d done her usual acrobatics and just fallen – not that he cared if people knew it was him or not.

“You never did get the joke did you, doll?” Asked J cruelly as he pointed the gun at Harley’s bowed head. He removed all but one bullet from the revolver. “Let’s play one last game. That’ll decide the winner.” He purred, clicking the safety off. He aimed the gun again and pressed on the trigger.

Yet the Joker heard nothing. He turned back to see Harley but she wasn’t there. The cold night was gone as well, instead he saw [Y/N], the pain in her eyes so similar to those of Harley only a moment ago. They weren’t on the roof anymore, they were in his office.

The Joker turned around to see himself again, but he was no longer pointing a gun, he was sat at his desk, bored and unbothered about the distraught women before him, his face down and studying a pile of documents instead.

“Goodbye J.” He heard [Y/N] whisper.

This wasn’t his memory. It couldn’t be. J had never heard [Y/N] say it. He’d blocked her out by that point, drowning her voice with the false ones in his head, sick of the truth she was spitting at him, killing his punchline over and over.

Suddenly the scene seemed to rewind.

“I’m going to leave J.” [Y/N] declared, her voice wobbling with emotion. “I know you don’t want me anymore, so I’m doing you the favour and leaving.”

“When have I ever said anything like that, doll?” He demanded with a growl.

“Never.” [Y/N] admitted, “But I can see it in you and everything you do. You think I’m holding you back.” She told him, “And maybe you’re right.”

“Doll…” The Joker protested tiredly.

“Tell me that - f you were single now and you saw me - you would want me. Try to win me.”

The Joker watched himself stupidly hesitate, opening his mouth slightly.

“You wouldn’t, J! You wouldn’t because you’ve changed – you’re not the same man!

“I’m not that boy anymore you mean.” He growled back at her, his eyes dark and dangerous.

“No, I meant what I said!” [Y/N] snapped back at him. “You’ve replaced me with your want for power and I can’t do this anymore. You’re not funny anymore.”

“Life isn’t funny,” J spat back across the desk. “Life is about power over others, doll! Understanding and mastering the corruption that rules everyone’s pathetic lives! There is always someone higher up! Someone at the root of it all! And that is someone I aim to be!” He declared heatedly, banging his fist angrily on the desk.

[Y/N] didn’t flinch at the action, keeping herself steady despite J’s temper. “That right there, is my father talking.” She pointed out angrily. “Now I know you loved him – don’t lie to me J.” She snapped when he went to protest. “But I don’t want you to be him, and I know you don’t want to be him either.”

That was the point J had blocked her voice, letting her rattle on whilst he focused all his thoughts on the job details in front of him, bowing his head and getting to work.

But now. Through this hallucination or dream or whatever it was, her was hearing her words. Hearing her tell him that was her late father’s ideas. That J didn’t want that. That J had never cared about power. He cared about having the last laugh. Cared about the chaos and giving people the truth even if it involved slaughter and torture. Showing people that life was just one big joke. That there was no way you could avoid the punchline.

He was hearing her now. Hearing her tears. Hearing her goodbye.

And then he was watching her leave through the door again, whilst he sat at his desk doing nothing.

Joker watched the door shut on her figure, his jaw clenched tight. “That’s enough.” He growled back to the ghost slightly behind him.

“I am the beginning of the end, as well as the end of time and space. I am essential to creation and I surround every place. What am I?”

“I DON’T CARE!” J spun on him. But he was gone. It was an empty office and the clock to the side of him continued to chime 12.

How could it still be 12 after all of that.

J didn’t know if his drink was spiked or not, but she still poured himself another one and collapsed exhausted into this chair, rubbing tiredly at his pale face as he downed the glass.

[asuitcaseofmemories]

"There’s a Storm in my Head and it’s Killing all the Flowers.”

I've been relatively vocal about having anxiety. I've had a LOT of people message me with support, suggestions, and pure curiosity. I'm always happy to answer what I can... Because though I realize my truth is the same as countless others. I also realize many of them suffer in silence. I think the more I share my struggles, the more others can hopefully understand what their friends, family, and loved ones are going through. I decided to give a brief glimpse of my thought pattern for just a simple trip. I went to Shanghai, which mind you I have been to at least 6 times now. Here ya go...

Tuesday

Okay I really have to get moving on those train tickets for Thursday. I open my computer and search for tickets to Shanghai from Hefei on Aug 31st. My appointment is at 1, so if I leave by 10 that will be fine. No wait, I can't eat breakfast before or my anxiety will make me throw up... I should leave earlier then get lunch there. Yeah, I need to eat I guess. I'll book the 8:00am train which means I have to catch the 7:00 subway and wake up at 6:00.

Okay this train station is closest to where I want to eat. I write down the date, time, and train number. I'll book 3:30pm return. Oh god, what if they're running behind and my appointment goes late, or the line at the subway is long, or I get on the wrong one on accident, and then miss my train? I better make it for 5 just to be safe. Shit, I need to have the concierge order these before the seats are taken... Excuse me while I check 3 different times to be sure he has the correct train info. He's annoyed.

I get the tickets and I immediately check the time, date, and train number.. Phew they're correct. I put them in my purse and go to walk away... Wait! Maybe they're the wrong station, better check them, again. Okay, they're right. Wait, maybe I have the stations confused? It is a big city... I better Google it to be sure. Okay all set, no worries!

Wednesday

11:45pm- I'm falling asleep but I suddenly realize that I NEED to plan out my day so I'm not late for anything. I check the address for Shanghai Station for the 8th time. I get the street address for the place to eat (in Chinese) justttt in case the subway is down or something. Remember I did see an article a month ago where that did happen. It will probably happen again, could be tomorrow. What's the subway station nearest to the restaurant? Hmm I better cross reference that 5 times. Google says that will take 32 mins on the subway, it'll take at least 10-15 minutes to buy tickets, another 5 minutes to walk from the station to the restaurant... Okay so I'll get to the restaurant at 11:04. It's only a half hour cab ride to the doctor from there. But wait, maybeeee traffic will be terrible. I should  leave at noon instead of 12:30... just to be safe.

Okay, now I can go back to bed. Wait... Hmm I better look up the address for my doctor in Chinese... Just in case the cab driver can't read the business card font. Maybe I'm being silly? No I'm not, that's happened before. Do it. Okay go to bed. Wait! How am I getting back to the train station? Okay Google says it's a 35 minute cab ride, but it's probably 50 with traffic. That means I should get a cab by 3pm. I'll get there by 4 and the train boards at 4:37, and the security line could be long...

I feel better, now I can sleep. Wait... What if I can't get a cab? I took the subway from there last time. It was like a 13 minute walk, but I can't remember if I had to switch lines. Was the ticket line long there? Shit I can't remember. I better double check the line number and stop for the train station, again.

Seriously it's 2am and I have to get up in 4 hours. I finally begin dozing off, then I think "what's the weather going to be like?" I better check my weather app. It doesn't say it's going to rain, but maybe it will. Oh no I left my umbrella at that restaurant tonight.

Maybe I should've packed my backpack tonight, what if I forget something tomorrow? Okay I need to pack my passport, cash, tissues, sunglasses, glasses (in case I need to take my contacts out), eye drops (ya never know), contact case, coins for the subway, headphones for music, water, my iPad... Am I forgetting anything? Yeah you're forgetting to sleep. Go to bed Jess.

I feel the satin of my eye mask brush my face as I pull it on, and I take a deep breath. Why am I so nervous? My palms are sweating and my heart feels like I just ran the mile for the first time. I literally JUST did this trip 2 weeks ago. I went to the same area for lunch and everything. *1 hour later* I lift up my eye mask, after not sleeping a wink. What time is it? 3:30am. I pull my eye mask back on then immediately tear it off. WHAT. How is it 3:30?? Okay if I fall asleep now I'll get 2.5 hours of sleep. Go to bed.

One hour later I rip off my eye mask in panic... Shit did I set an alarm? I better check its for AM not PM. Okay good, it is. I close my eyes... Shit... Am I sure 6am is early enough? Ugh stop worrying and go to bed. I toss and turn for a bit and finally start to doze off. Great, now I gave to pee.

After the chill of the cold tile woke up my feet, I made my way back to the bedroom and slowly climbed back into bed. Shortly after I doze off, Corey's alarm sounds. That means it's between 5-5:15am think. A second alarm goes off... It's probably 5:30 now. Maybe I can sleep for a half hour.

I hear the shower start and think BUT maybe I should just get up to be sure I have everything around in time?

It's 5:45am and I am scrolling through my phone making sure I have everything screenshot for directions. I make a detailed itinerary down to the minute in my notepad, just to be on the safe side.

6:00am and my alarm blares as I'm holding it in my hands. Great, I feel like I'm going to puke. Why? Why didn't I sleep? I'm hungry. I wish I could eat but I will definitely get sick. Maybe I'm already going to get sick? I need coffee like yesterday. I should wait until I get to the train station otherwise I'll have to pee between here and there and I don't have time for that. But I'm so thirsty. No-don't drink anything or you'll have to go. I glance out the window. Ughhh why did I forget my umbrella yesterday? It's raining.

I begin getting ready and panic hits me. Why do I feel like I can't breathe? I'm literally putting on blush. Nothing is happening. Oh my god I'm having a heart attack. I AM NOT. But maybe I am, that does happen. I Google "symptoms of a heart attack" and "symptoms of a panic attack" ...again, like I don't do this everyday. I should really just bookmark them. Ugh why's this always happen to me?

I do a breathing exercise, that I don't have time for, because if I don't I'm surely going to DIE. My heart has slowed and I can finally breathe normal, but all that anxiety just wrecked my stomach for the day. Yay, that will be great to deal with. I'm out of Imodium which I'm basically taking as a multivitamin at this point.

I glance at my watch, shit! I've got to go or I'll be late! I put my hand on the door handle, and quickly remove it. Now I'm rummaging through my bag to be extra sure I have everything, again. I am meticulous as I rearrange the pockets I have my belongings in. Someone could steal my passport if I'm not careful! That does happen sometimes.

I push the down button outside the elevator 15 times for good measure. What's taking so long? I hear the ding of one arriving, and I get in. I glance at my watch- Yes, I'm on time! The elevator begins to slow and I immediately remember that time a few weeks ago when it briefly stopped working between floors with me and Corey in it. Oh god I'm going to die! Oh never mind, it's just someone on the 10th floor. Oh god I know him. "Good morning Jess!" "Hey, heading to work?" ... That's a stupid question. Why would you ask that? You know the bus leaves at 7, what else would he be doing? He definitely thinks I'm an idiot right now, because I am. "Yes" he replies. Lord, these last 4 floors feel like an eternity. I want to tell him I almost puked on him for a second there, but I just say "have a good day" instead.

It's 6:52am, and I know the subway leaves at 7 on the dot... The subway is right there, but naturally I'm freaking out anyway. I run down the large flight of stairs faster than necessary ... Oh no it's 6:56 what if it leaves early (Realistically I could take the next one and be fine)? I run down the next flight of stairs too. The sign says 4 minutes until the subway car arrives, obviously. I pace back and forth as I skim over my itinerary in my phone, for the 4th time this morning. I feel like a lunatic and now I look like one. I gaze at the map to ensure I know my stop, which is named Hefei South Railway (duh). I count the number of stops 4 times for good measure. I look at my watch. 7:00am, the subway cars are here.

I get on and grab an empty seat without making any eye contact. I slowly pick my head up and everyone is looking at me. Please stop. Maybe they're staring because my music is too loud? I dull it to the minimum and after a few moments I peek again... No they're still staring. I'm very aware of my skin's surface at the moment and it feels like it's crawling with a million tiny legs. A shiver goes up my back and I swallow much too loud for this silent car.

Shit, was that one stop or two? I was too focused on the million legs that I lost count. Ugh I can't see the map from here. Why did I sit here? Maybe I should I get up and look? No. I don't want this lady to think I moved because she sat down; I know my stop's not for 20 minutes. Plus if I stand I'm guaranteed to have to pee. I argue with myself for 10 minutes and begin to panic that maybe I missed the stop.

All the atoms in my body feel like they're about to burst into flames. I kind of wish they would. I can't take it anymore! I'm getting up reading the map! I'm sure the panic is evident on my face as I quickly remove my ass from the bench. Oh, I still have three stops. I better just stand here next to the door; maybe they'll stop staring at me if I squeeze into this corner? Nope. In the door's reflection I can clearly see all of their watchful eyes and heads on a swivel. Why does this subway car feel like it's closing in on me? I can't breathe. Am I going to cry? Because I feel like I'm going to cry. No really I can't breathe right now.

I close my eyes and pray to God to have pity on me and make me invisible to these watchful eyes. I hear the automated baby voice over the intercom talking; my stop is next. The subway arrives at Hefei Station and the I hear the hiss of the doors as they open. No sooner and I'm gasping for air as I catapult myself out of the car at a speed you'd think I was trying to escape death. I mean, it felt like I was. Phew, I did it. I almost hyperventilated for a moment there. Okay, no really...where the fuck's the bathroom in this place?

Step one of 40, but I did it.

So if you don't have anxiety you're probably like WTF is wrong with this chick; seriously who worries like that? Well, I do... And chances are many of your loved ones do too. This is just a glimpse of the hell going on constantly in my brain- just a snippet of ONE topic. My brain rapid fires thoughts like these, on countless subjects, ALL day long. It is exhausting, and frankly getting out of is a miracle most days. Sleep evades me at night, and consumes most of my days. I can't remember what it's like to feel "normal" and not feel this hell. This is just my daily, constant anxiety... not even a bad panic attack. Traveling used to give me the MOST enjoyment. Even though it's harder than hell to get to that destination, I push myself to get there. I have my bad days, weeks, sometimes months... But I will not let anxiety or depression control my life.

If you're out there struggling and feel crazy in your head...just know we are crazy together, and I like to think I'm a fun time.

[thegeminisage]

more botw blogging, SUPER spoilery

this is a real long post sorry normally i break these up and this time i didn’t

and finally, off we go to a new province

this time im making its tower my first stop, since i can see it from here

i tried to paraglide across the river but i didn't have enough height so i landed on the cliffside and ITS RAINING!!!!! for fucks sake

i cant believe this game actually got me to hate rain..........

not only that but when i died in the water it didn't reload me back to where i started to glide from but a bit of cliff i stood on lol so #struggles right from the first minute

rain for the next 3 hours.......and i gotta climb it in the rain....jesus

i guess i could fast travel but i'd have to walk all the way back there :/

hmm. maybe the gae's throwing me the rain on purpose. an npc mentioned this river was notoriously difficult to cross :///

yep as soon as i turned away: it cleared. Great

well i see some bridge-like things further downstream i guess i'll check that out

lol jk i managed to glide across a different part and climb

like i saw my forecast change but then it changed back to sun so w/e i'll take it im up here now

aaaaah i can see so many cool things from here!!!!! i cant wait to explore them all!!!! that #new province feel

i hate like, feeling obligated to track down every last bit of stuff in the old ones when you're seeing new exciting stuff

but i love the feel of getting to a new one and not even knowing which cool thing to check out first

ohhh my god lol there's a big-ass bokoblin camp on the way to the tower i think i see a moblin but im not sure

aaaand im dead

at least there werernt any moblins!

tbh it isnt a difficult camp i just wasnt vigilant about healing

me every time i see something new: what the Fuck is that!?

in this case it was an ice wizzrobe which made it snow EVERYWHERE oh my god

That Was Difficult

if i didn't have my fire arrows and lynel bow it would have taken way longer

i died again!!!

those weird pattern bokoblins have SO much attack power ):

come on i have to clear out the camp AGAIN? and kill the wizzrobe?

naw dude i am skipping this nonsense i am going straight up the fucking cliff

HA i sniped them from above >:3

w

there's a zora on top of this tower!!!!!!!

omg poor thing he can't get back down i wish i could carry him on my paraglider

man i love the tower cutscenes and music and the way they unfold it's so cool

BIG SHINY NEW PROVINCE YYYYEAH!!!!

oh hey i found another zora down near these bridges

they all want me to go see their prince haha noooo i have too much to explore!!!

oooh it's so easy to get all turned around on these bridge thingies

man i love this province it's SO pretty

ah i found a goron on a sandbar!! how did you get out here with all this water...

nooo the blood moon again i knew it was coming the music has been funny all night >:(

lol jk the music faked me out its 2am and i warped to the stable for nothing (i was trying to get that one dude's reaction)

i came back and did the shrine and found another zora!! lol they all really want me to go see that dude

there's a thing i need to climb but ugh rain

while i was bored i chopped grass and attached octo balloons to things

now i am in the wetlands which are AWFUL to walk through i can practically feel the mud squishing between my toes and i want to die lmao

there are horses here!! i miss mine ):

ive done enough shrines now to get another upgrade but i dont feel like doing all that backtracking blegh

oh noooo i see a guardian out here, a moving one ;_;

ah it's been awhile since i failed to fight the still ones on the plateau...i wonder what the start screen meant by "the right tools" ive got a lot of damn tools!! did they mean arrows??

lol yet another zora telling me to meet with the prince.........dude

this prince must be either desperate or spoiled

uh

okay maybe its a glitch but i think?? i see?? a flying island in the distance? What The Fuck

wait no it looks kind of like a ship or giant bird??

my pins don't stick to it, it's definitely moving around

jesus fuck

AHAHAH FUCK THE GUARDIAN SAW ME

HAD TO TAKE REFUSE IN THE FUCKING SHRINE

jesus christ i hate those things!!!! you can't kill them!!!!!!!

NO oh my god there's a hinox over here too

why this Why This

lol the hinox fighting music is giving me trauma flashbacks

actually that wasnt so bad with a defense elixir on

maybe it's just me but this province feels kinda small? i feel like i could finish exploring it p quickly, which is nice

not that i'm not having fun but i know i'm going so slowly ):

me every five seconds: i miss my hooorse i want one to ride around to go faaaaster

i guess...i could catch...one of these

and like. not register it bc the stable is 10000 miles away but

a temp ride. let's see if i can. need to use up some of my sneak potions anyways

i caught one and rode it awhile, but my heart's not in training it...i want My Horse

oh my god wait i hear town music!! is this a stable right here!! AAAAAH

so i did catch a pretty black one and named it luna - had to let the first one i caught go lol but it didn't have great stats and i only rode it once so it'll be happier in the wild probably

KASS IS AT THIS STABLE IM SO HAPPY SO IS HESTU

he's playing epona's song i'm gonna CRY

I MISS EPONA IM DYING

oh my god he had a story for me!! the same one that impa told!!!!! man

the music is still so good. fuck.

lmao i was talking to one dude and he was like well might as well head back inside ugh that place is so filthy and the women so free you might as well call it a manfill

UM?? NINTENDO??

i can see hyrule castle super close from where i am and it looks super scary and i super want nothing to do with it rn

i get the feeling you can like, go in there whenever? maybe even do the endgame stuff early? but oh my god i Dont wanna

OMG i just mounted a bear

i read that you could ride things other than horses but holy shit lmao

i mean

it killed me after i got off, but man

sadly i must now board my horse and continue with The Story see i explored the non-story bits of that province SUPER quickly dang

oh no

this shrine is called a minor test of strength

Oh No

Why, God

oh. that was actually like SUPER easy compared to the other two haha phew

this lady at the crossroads said the prince was creepy omg i knew there was something, ahaha, excuse me, "fishy"

whoa i love his music theme!!

lmao i always get so SHOCKED when they talk!!! even still!!!!!

voice acted cutscenes of this game are like fmvs of final fantasy games in generations 5-7 lol

oh my god...the wink/sparkle thing...he's such a HAM

he's flattering me TOO much omg dude what do you want.......

ok, ok, i like him

he doesn't seem very trustworthy but since his people are in trouble i'll cut him some slack on that one

oh nooo i gotta climb this in the rain......

ah, it's sunshowering tho! that's kinda neat

i just got attacked by octoroks and my heart wept a little because traveling up zora's river dodging octoroks to get to and save zora's domain...I've Been Here Before

listen, i could write a book on this

(lol i did write 300k on this but shhh that was a long time ago)

like...if link is actually a reincarnation does he get flashes of memory

oot happened in every timeline but i know wind waker didn't

but do you think assuming this is in the same timeline as wind waker something in him feels at home the first time he sails a raft again

or hears kass play epona's song at the ranch

or ducks an octorok on his way to zora's domain

people treat the incarnation thing as a kind of tragedy - the world will never be free of evil so long as ganon/ganondorf exists

but maybe there's happiness in it too

no matter what happens, no matter how sad the ending - i mean hell, in this very game, link and zelda LOST

no matter what though, it's guaranteed that they'll see each other again

over and over and over without end, link and zelda are gonna meet and be together for awhile while they defend hyrule again

frankly if that's not a soulmate idk what is

and frankly i'm perpetually offended that they don't develop ganondorf the man more like they did in wind waker...that was the Peak tbqh

i would kill for something like that again

anyway

i love how present the current here is, like with the stuff floating down the river, thats a NICE touch

tbh it's actually really nice that he keeps uselessly checking on me on the way up the river

like, i've been so lonely

even now i miss my companion going "what's WITH that guy" like they probably would if i had one

so this is nice. tbh.

i know it was probably a deliberate choice and makes the game stronger but a companion for this game, someone to share it with...that would've been cool

even just zelda as the protag, she could do some internal narration

but the whole thing is just so quiet.

this place is so pretty tho?? in the distance i see these like, pink coral looking plant things, and the blue columns and bridges are gorgeous

OH NO LIGHTNING GOD WHY

i think its an area thing too i cant just wait it out lmao im gonna Die

oh jk it's just rain now

idk why my entire forcecast changes to a particular type of weather and its only like that a few seconds...super weird and annoying

lol sidon all "you're almost halfway there i believe in you!!" and not helping fight and link's little "k" wave

i love link as a silent protag even if i did have him talk in my writing like it's so endearing

i wonder if link is like sgr like "i am 100 years old what is this zora kid even doing. what is he EVEN DOING."

lol just had to dodge some rocks rollin down a hill

you see this is what i mean. there's a weird sense of familiarity and nostalgia if you've played the games a lot. i wonder if the spirit of the hero feels that way with each new adventure, too

like if he's okay doomed to an eternity of fighting and parting with zelda over and over

because in the end he always gets to do this again

like i can see the spirit of the princess/goddess being high key miserable about those circumstances but i wonder if the spirit of the hero is maybe secretly glad

because part of him will always yearn for the next adventure

he never COULD be happy settling because this is what he was born for

WE love doing this again and again and again, maybe it's not such a stretch to think the spirit of the hero does too

or maybe i'm projecting so hard onto him because undertale has so successfully blurred the line between the player and the game for me LMAO

oh man i just noticed all the names on this map

lulu, mikau ;_;

i miss them!!!!

just once i wish zelda games would feature the same side characters in two or three titles

we never got to see saria or darunia or lulu again

we get to come back to the world but every friend we've ever made has been gone

like some narnia shit i swear to god

lol this is why i should never do story all i do is rant about My Zelda Feels, which are literally endless

oh NICE battle with a blue moblin on the bridge!!!!

ah i like the zora history here too please give me all the worldbuilding i wanna know everything about this world that i can bc rn all i know is "we got Fucked"

i guess i also know about the automans but i need More

i say, while procrastinating on getting to the story

in other news i have an ice and lightning rod which i havent bothered trying to use

bc when i tried to use the boomerang i failed utterly lol

but these? holy shit dude these are Powerful when you actually land a magic hit like Dang

i Love them im never avoiding another wizzrobe again (thats where they drop from)

oh wow

i finally made it, and

man. oh man. it's so beautiful

i wish i could see if better

jesus the zoras always had the prettiest parts of the games imo

OH NO THE MUSIC

OH NO!!! im gonna cry omg

it's the same melody from oot i think!! oh my god!!!!!!

omg there's a zora here named rivan who says he knows me?!?!

omg no he's listing some of link's old pals from Before im so sad why can't he remember

OOOH i shouldn't speak to the elderly bc apparently i am "guilty" of something?? i love this development PLEASE tell me more

i love that they all age so slowly #nice

am i walking into a fucking execution lmao sidon don't play me......

omg the little zora kids are adorable!!!

omg there's a statue of the zora champion ;_;

man this is all so cool i wanna know EVERYTHING about what happened back then!!!!

lol the shrine here was SUPER nerve wracking god you had to like, roll the giant ball down a hill and stop time at JUST the right moment skjghf

oh my gosh ANOTHER zora who knows me (lol "linny")

im so ;w; they all know me!!!!!!

i slept on the blissful water bed at the inn and was mystified and alarmed by the sound effects but i got an extra stamina wheel and 3 extra hearts!!! god damn you can't beat that shit

im so amazed at how many people knew link and like, blame him? i wanna know so bad what happened, i wanna know more about mipha

ten bucks says she's still alive and like trapped in the divine beast but corrupted

or a ghost or something like the old man ;_;

aww zoras sleep in the water aw aw :3

i'm loving this theme of link sleeping for so long like at first i thought of sgr but i just realized it's also like oot (and i can't believe i didn't make that connection first...)

like in oot the people who knew him Before are so happy to see him again and are sure he can help them

but in this game it's a bit mixed

and in this game we don't know the details of 100 years ago yet ;_;

zora's domain here is like. so GLOWY. reminds me of waterfall from undertale tbh lol i wanna paint it

so i'm talking to the king and this one elderly zora goes "the hylians abused an ancient society's power to turn hyrule into what it is today" & like...tbh my dude you have a point. if they had never gotten those guardians out then they couldn't have turned on them

oh my GOD

i just got my first look at a divine beast and i can't believe i was calling them jaegers

my jaw dropped irl holy shit

like that thing truly looks both divine and beastly (this one is an elephant)

is mipha still in there as like a ghost ;_;

it's so clear how much everyone misses her

and she seemed so sweet in the one short memory i recovered

every time sidon does his sparkle smile i love him a little more

i didn't trust him at first bc he seemed a little too eager but now i see he's just doing his best!!!!

especially as someone who thinks radically and progressively in a society where elders stay around hundreds of years

YESSSSS I GOT ZORA ARMOR!!!! YES!!!!!!!!

SWIM SPEED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omfg and it's an engagement thing just like the sapphire

MADE BY MIPHA?

thats right that other lady said link was supposed to choose between her and mipha

listen mipha seems cool and all but i've been shipping zelink for 19 years, so

oh NO, mipha had feelings for link

oh no poor mipha...oh my god

WAIT AM I ABOUT TO GET ANOTHER MEMORY??? OH MY GOD!!!!!

duuuuuude

"no matter how bad the wound i will ALWAYS" heal you and then link wakes up in water

did she do that!!! did she save him ;_; oh my god im going to cry

"you are quivering like a hatchling" PLEASE protect my poor son

muzu is making me sad dude he misses her so much and he hates this so much

ooooh i have to fight another lynel for shock arrows...good Lord im not looking forward to that

I KNEW IT

"calamity ganon took control of the beasts and trapped the champions inside" yep either she's still alive like link and zelda or her body is in there and so is her fucking ghost

DUDE!! i just swam up my first waterfall and it was AWESOME!!!!!

so im at shatterback point now hwere lynel is just bc i wanted to swim up a waterfall but probably he will kill me quickly lmao

apparently you can mount him too which. sick.

but idk i dont have any good food or elixirs or weapons ready im just up here for science im probably gonna knock off soon i gotta Draw

Oh Fuck There He Is ):

it's super tedious to have top go back and delete every fucking picture i take for my copendium one by one those shouldn't save in my album automatically come on dude im trying to take a picture of this lion centaur thing here

aaah there's a rainbow here too #nice

ah well got him about a quarter pf the way down before i died :/ not bad for being completely unprepared

tbh i only had one defense food?? had i had more i could have whittled him down eventually

anyway thats all for tonight!! i doubt i'll play anymore tonight bc i have drawing to do

lol this is a long post but it's all in one bc i'm typing them in notepad now and don't have to worry about them getting too long

[the-wh0le-sheb4ng]

WARNING: This post is not for the faint hearted. 

Jokes.

But seriously what I’m about to tell you is on another level of FREAKY.

This is a topic I’ve openly talked about to both my friends and family. Some looked at me like I was crazy and some didn’t. Thanks to those who didn’t. It all started about 3 years ago. I lost my dad through suicide a year earlier. Before my dad took his own life, we were having our 2nd extension done on the house. It was only  after his death that it was completed and one of the rooms being built was my current room. A few months after his passing the house was finished and I could finally move in. During my healing process I liked to stay up late and talk to my dad, call me crazy but it helped me grieve. During the first few months it mainly consisted of questions of WHY? I didn’t understand why he did what he did. To this day I still don’t really know and I don’t think I ever will. But as time has moved on I find myself asking that question less and focusing more on the years we had and the memories I now hold close to my heart. So yeah little old crazy me talked to ghosts. Basically. It wasn’t much of a conversation considering there was no one on the receiving end.

Or so I thought.

About a month into conversing with the spirits I noticed a slight change in presence. It was eerie and weird. Scary at times to. I’m naturally a night owl so my sleep pattern is not the best. I often fall asleep around 3am and wake up at 7:30/8 AM. As the clock ticked I was trying my best to get to sleep. With my head on my pillow I felt restricted, almost as if someone was pinning me down. I couldn’t move. My breath shortened and my head was suffocating in towards the pillow. Eventually this stopped. Not knowing what the hell had just happened, I turned to Google for some help.

Sleep paralysis.

Sleep paralysis is a temporary inability to move or speak that occurs when you’re waking up or falling asleep. 

I thought I was mad. Was my imagination fooling me? If this had happened only once I would completely say it was my mind just playing tricks on me but ever since that day I often experience the same sensation at night. Now, I’m a big fan of horror movies. I’m the type of person who can watch a scary movie on my own at 2AM and be totally fine so this was on some next level shit.

My most recent experience was horrific. Over the years I’ve managed to get quite good at deflecting the ‘bad spirits’ as I like to call them. But this time was proving more difficult to do. It was around about 2am and I’d just finished watching a movie and decided to hit the pillow. Not a success. 4AM – still awake. As I closed my eyes I felt someone’s breath above me. I kept my eyes closed hoping that it would go away. It didn’t. I could see black shadows flying all across my room some had faces. I often see an old woman aka ‘the witch.’ Don’t get me wrong, she might be a nice lady but she doesn’t half terrify the living day out of me. I guess that’s her job though right?

Do you think I’m crazy yet?

Honestly I’m not. Statistics say that sleep paralysis is very common in young adults. Until you’ve actually experienced it I can’t begin to explain how frightened you feel in that moment. Anyways back to the tale. The shadows kept getting closer and closer towards me so I opened my eyes. The room was silent. Phew. I was alone. Returning to my slumber I was immediately attacked. I felt choked. I couldn’t speak. I was lost for words. Literally. About 15 seconds had past and I slowly manage to say ‘Leave me alone!!!’ – This was physically impossible to say and took me a long, long, longgg time. It had a stutter like quality to it. But after saying that the spirit/s vanished. Freedom at last.

If any of you readers out there have watched any horror movies, you’ve most probably watched the Insidious films. Elise often says that once you open the door for one spirit they all start to come on in. The good and the bad. This is a thought I’ve held onto ever since it started happening. This all started when I started reaching out to my dad and I’m left wondering is there any truth to what Elise said or is my imagination tricking me? Fearing the worst, one day I lit up some incense and some candles and cleansed my room asking the spirits to leave me in peace. I didn’t mean them any harm and I’m sure they didn’t mean me any. Who knows maybe they’re just lost souls hoping to find their light?

Which brings me on to my next experience. With the darkness comes the light. Personally I’m a bigger fan of the light in this instance. I was home for Christmas break and like many nights I was up really late. For some reason or another I couldn’t get to sleep and the clock was nearing 4AM. But my tired eyes needed their rest and in a split second my vision was hazy. After closing my eyes I saw a green light illuminating my pupils. I opened them. The light was still there. I couldn’t believe it. I stared some more and there it stayed. It started to multiply this time with red dots of light. It was all happening above my head. I sat up and tried to grab the light. It disappeared. About five seconds passed and it made its comeback. Instead of aggressively grabbing it I proceeded to gently reach out and touch it. There was a field of energy radiating around us and it was getting stronger. After about 30 seconds the energy was overwhelming and then I felt it. It felt like touching another persons hand, almost like a high-five. I latched onto it for a few seconds and held this so-called ‘hand.’ I can’t explain how this happened or why this happened, I can only guess what this magical experience was.

I think a lot of what happened that night was due to me returning back home. I like to think that this particular experience was my dad. That it was his way of reaching back out to me after all those years of me trying and failing. It was to show me, he is always with me and always will be and that I can depend on him whenever I need to. It was the best welcome I’ve ever received. Even if it is a bit crazy. Having 4 years to deal with my grief I’m finally at a stage in my life where I can say I’m ok with it. I’m over it. Yes I still cry occasionally and yes I miss and love him more than anyone can imagine but I now choose to think of when I will see him next. And that’ll be a long time, I’ve got to get old first. Him reaching out to me kind of consolidated this and my Nan always says ‘They won’t visit you if you’re not ready.’ She’s seen a lot of her passed family members when she’s walking around the house. She always tells me ‘You have more to be afraid of from the living than the dead.’ My younger sister, Tilly, was less than 2 years old at the time of his death however she still remembers a lot about him. She’s always been a clever girl for her age and initially when my mum found my dad she was in the car in direct view of it all. That night when we were all living at my Nan’s trying to make sense of it all. He visited her in her dreams. The next day she woke up and the first thing she said is – ‘It’s ok Daddy is in the sky.’ This is why I think there’s some truth into my experiences. They’re weird as hell but they happened.

I kid you not though. This happened to me again. Only this time it was after I arrived back to London. On my third night here I saw the same dots of light. It was special and I cried a lot that night. But my tears were ones of happiness. I needed the reminder that my dad is with me in everything I do. It was my beacon of hope. I’m a very independent person however I do miss home from time to time and as annoying as I am, I know they miss me. I guess this is his way of looking out for me. I’m truly blessed to have him as my guardian angel. I just hope he fights the baddies if they ever visit me again. I’m yet to experience the trauma here in London. Thank god for that.

But on that refreshing note I will leave you to enjoy the rest of your day, wherever in the world you may be.

PS. I’m not crazy I swear.

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Orbs.. is this really happening?? WARNING: This post is not for the faint hearted. Jokes. But seriously what I'm about to tell you is on another level of FREAKY.