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[asuitcaseofmemories]

Shopping is an Art, and I’m an Artist.

I was shaken awake at 8am and when I opened my drowsy eyes I saw my husband’s face staring back at me.

I knew I’d told him I’d get breakfast with him, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I apologized and asked him to go without me. In the same breath, I rolled over and dozed back off. When my alarm rang I felt it was a breath of fresh air. I told myself that today’s plans were just what I needed after two days of moping around my room in a depressive state, and taking six hour naps. 

I quickly got myself around, checking the weather app to see that it was a “chilly” 68 degrees. I regrettably threw on pants and a hoodie and decided that iced coffee would be my breakfast. I didn’t sleep at all last night hearing the constant dripping of the leak in our closest. Drip. Drip. Drip. It was enough to drive anyone insane. 

I ordered my coffee from the sweet barista and headed to the lobby. I wasn’t looking forward to attempting to discuss our leaking issue for a third time. I could tell from the look on the sorry look on the woman’s face that she was going to insist we move rooms. Indeed, I was correct. As annoying as it was that I’d have to pack up all our belongings again, and move rooms... I decided it wouldn’t ruin my day. 

Soon enough I saw a familiar black car roll up and received a text from Marlene that she’d arrived. I met Marlene a few weeks ago in a drunken Fire Ball induced stupor. After closing down the bar that night, we’ve been inseparable ever since. She’s one of those go with the flow, loves to have fun types of women. I see so much of me in her, and I think that’s why we click so well. 

We immediately started off with our morning girl talk, chatting and laughing like we’d known each other for ages. It seemed a moment later we’d arrived at the Antique Market. We were meeting up with 5 other women to explore the market. This was my first time and the were going to show me alllll I needed to know. 

This market was like many other Chinese markets. There was an upstairs and a downstairs, and it was a labyrinth of shops, each one much the same and yet completely different. I’m convinced the design is on purpose because if you’re lost long enough you’re bound to buy something just for the pure fun of it. 

I glanced to my right and saw ornate blue and white Chinese style vases towering taller than me. The sun peeking through the clouds illuminated their gorgeous designs. To my left I saw more of the same. Up ahead I saw some familiar faces smiling, waiting to greet us. We said our hellos and talked strategy. 

My friend’s loveee bargaining at markets. They knew which artists you could haggle with, and which ones kick you out before you can even try. For someone with a smart mouth like I have, you’d be surprised to know I would rather die than bargain. Shove me in a casket I’m done. 

A few of the girls needed to get some prints framed, so we headed upstairs to their frame girl. If you live in China long enough you’ll find you have a “girl for that” or a “guy for that” for just about every item you’d want to buy, fix, or make. Everyone seems to specialize in something. 

As we entered the second floor I was amazed at what I saw. There was a shop full of huge pieces of silk that were hand embroidered. The artist used vibrant colors to make koi fish, lotus, Buddha, monkeys, birds, pandas, you name it. I was in awe. The next 30 minutes were spent oohing and ahhing over every single piece. I must touch this, and touch this, and ooh this one too. 

The girls went to get their frames ordered and I went to get lost. I popped in and out of shops “talking” with the artists, aka a whole lot of charades. They were excited to see a foreigner, and their faces lit up with pride watching me admire their hard work. Many of them sat in front of their easels mixing their paint, performing stroke after stroke. Calligraphy artists dipped their long white bristles and meticulously dragged them against the paper. My American brain couldn’t comprehend the characters, but it was easy to tell each piece had great meaning. 

I found a shop where I watched an artist paint for awhile. She didn’t seem nervous having me watch her every move. My eyes scanned the walls. There had to be hundreds of paintings, and 1000s more hours hanging on them. I flipped through some hand painted items and decided one would make a perfect gift to bring back home.

I asked her “Duo shao chen” (how much)? She delicately pressed the buttons 200 on a calculator ($30USD). I knew she was high-balling me since I was a laowei (foreigner). She could probably sense my fear and anxiety as I more ballsy than usual typed back 150 ($24) on my phone’s calculator. She stared at me silently for a moment, pressed her lips together, and said “okay.” Which is good because one more second and I would’ve bitched out and paid 200. 

I felt we both got a decent deal and she wrapped up my gift. We thanked each other and I went on my way in search of more treasure. Just then I smelled the scent of what I can only assume all food in heaven smells like. A guy squeezed by passing me to go into his shop. He was carrying a giant bowl of noodles that smelled sweet yet spicy. I was determined to find where he got those suckers. 

I continued walking around with my giant eyes wide open, like I’d never seen anyone use a paint brush before. The girls were in a shop putting all their treasures together while Brenda drove a hell of a bargain for them. Brenda is our designated bargainer because she is just the sweetest thing, and no one can say no to the sweetest thing. 

I happened across the restroom because, iced coffee for breakfast, and it was... interesting. And when I say “happened upon” I mean I smelled it a hallway away. I entered and to no surprise, it was a squatty potty (if you’re confused please use Google). I closed the door and began giggling like a child. I also wished I was a child because maybe then that door would have been tall enough. The height of the stall didn’t even cover my boobs. Well ya know what they say, when in China. 

Next we went downstairs which is basically where I lost all my “I’m not buying anything else” senses. I’m extremely frugal, to the point where Corey picks on me... but if there’s anything you can talk me into... it’s jewelry. First I ran around like you’d just lit my ass on fire, looking left, right, up, and down. My first pass through I made it without a purchase. The girls were in a shop haggling so... I had to make another pass through, ya know just to be safe.

A silver and turquoise ring caught my eye and the shop owner knew it. I tried it on and pretended like I wasn’t going to just buy it no matter what price she gave me. At first she said 500 ($78) which admittedly caught me off guard and I unintentionally screamed AHHH ABSOLUTELY NOT! She was clearly testing my foreigner stupidity, then said 50 ($8). I was like, um yes this is my girl. She wanted me to purchase 3 more rings of hers to which I was telling myself “please step awayyyy from the rings.”

Well, negotiations were still happening in the other shop, so it was by pure fate that I found myself shopping again and I found an identical matching beaded necklace. The shop owner convinced me by telling me she’d sell it to me for “cheap.” I got it for next to nothing, but by her enthusiastic hug and complimenting me on being a “nice girl,” I knew she gypped me. This is of no surprise to me. 

Someone else walked by with noodles. Where are these noodles from? I walked around some more, and took about 500 pictures of an orange bird, because I’m crazy and because BIRDS ARE COOL. I also found myself staring at statues that probably were worth double my first car. 

I then accidentally bought two bracelets because they were boho style and I am really an irresponsible person okay? I’d tell you the negotiation story but truthfully I think my eyes glazed over, money was exchanged, and I have new bracelets. See pic below of the good good. 

The girls had come full circle and were back in the vase store where we began. The were negotiating with the no-negotiating, “I’ll kick you out of my store” woman. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle for them so I decided to go get lost again. I twisted and turned through the labyrinth of stalls. I was lead to a dead end where I was about to call it a day, when a sweet old lady came yelling “pretty girllll” after me. 

Sweet woman took me by my hand and lead me to her table of treasures. She was insisting I purchase a Chinese history book written in Chinese with English translation. Then she tried to sell me a comb and some beads. I was completely uninterested and finally about to escape her grasp. But as I said bye and turned my back I heard the most magnificent sound. 

If you’ve never heard a Tibetan Singing Bowl, watch the video because NEED. I have priced some of these at other markets and they were in the hundreds of dollars. I talked her down to $20 and almost peed my pants with excitement.The universe must’ve been paying attention last night when I was cruising Pinterest looking for inspiration for a “meditation spot” in our new apartment. Thanks Universe for being the ultimate spy. 

Basically after this I had to go find my friends before the Universe told me I had to adopt a puppy or something. Shortly after finding them we separated into groups to head home happy with our purchases. I NEVER DID FIND THOSE NOODLES. The end.

[asuitcaseofmemories]

Shop in the Name of Love

Go get your hand dandy notebooks because I’m about to teach ya everything you need to know. 

Fair warning this blog will be lengthy as obviously shopping is the most important part of a new diet. okurtttt 

Answers to FAQ

No, it’s not expensive; bitch you think I’m rich or something? It’s NOT. If you argue this I will fight you to the death because I have experience in both. Grocery shopping is as expensive as YOU make it. The basis for a vegan diet consists of rice, beans, and pasta. Those are some of the cheapest things on the market. If you choose to eat mock meats or cheese, of course this will add an additional cost but in general no. Just like if you’re frequently buying steak you spend a lot. I may spend ~$50 a week on groceries now, for two people, whereas when I was a meat eater I was spending between $120-200 a week. Once your pantry is stocked with your oils/spices it’s pretty cheap. 

No it’s not restrictive. I am here to tell you that except for a steak (though they do have vegan ones) you can find an AMAZING plant based alternative for anything. Basically if you live in the US you’re surrounded by vegan gold.

Yes, you’ll easily get enough protein. The strongest animals in the world only eat plants. No you aren’t going to get weak and die. HI I’M ALIVE. kinda. . Eating sugar from fruits isn’t the same as eating candy. Your bones will not be weak if you stop drinking milk (COMMON MYTH DON’T FEEL BAD). Some allergies will make it difficult but it’s definitely possible if you research.  No you won’t turn into a girl if you eat soy. Animals will not take over the earth (we artificially inseminate them to eat). Your doctor doesn’t know shit about diet or nutrition, you’d want to ask a dietitian. Facts.

Come in close hoes, I’m about to teach you. 

Top Secret Shopping Secrets

Look up recipes and come up with a meal plan. Write down the ingredients you don’t have and only buy those. HAVE SELF CONTROL DAMN IT. Veggies go bad faster than meats do, so you don’t want to overload your fridge with shit you wont get to. IF you can, split shopping trips to twice a week so your goodies are really fresh.

When grocery shopping stick to mostly the OUTSIDE of the grocery store and stay the fuck out of the middle. I will tell you some treats that are vegan, but other than that you’re wasting your time in those aisles. Because someone thought it was a good idea to put milk in EVERYTHING. 

Know seasonal fruits and veggies for your area. These will often be much cheaper as A) they’re in season and B) they didn’t travel the world to get to you. It’s fine to buy the expensive mangoes and avocados, but just know they add up quickly. 

Visit your farmers market for fresh produce while supporting local farmers (if you live in Corning it’s Thursday in the park downtown). These also take EBT if you have that. Also try fruit/veggie stands. 

Try to stay away from the “convenience packaging.” I know it’s tempting to buy that pre-cut pepper but it takes seriously one minute and saves you at least $1.50. DON’T BE LAZY.

Switch up what grocery store you shop at. You don’t owe loyalty to them. Places like Aldis have monumental discounts as well offer a huge amount of organic fruits/veggies. If you wanna be a Wegman’s snob, go ahead but the expense of your grocery bill is YOUR fault. 

Buy things in bulk: buy big bags of potatoes, buy a HUGE bag of rice, dry beans (really inexpensive). 

Buy nuts in bulk. Yes, it’ll be expensive at first but you’ll use these overtime. You can do some mind blowing things with cashews. 

Also please get some reusable shopping bags and help save our environment.  Fun fact: it can take up to 1000 years for ONE plastic bag to decompose. 

Reading Labels

My advice is to make a list of the following in the notepad of your phone. When grocery shopping and looking at a product that’s not obviously vegan (fruits and veggies duh), consult this list. I think even if you don’t think you consume a lot of animal products you’ll be shocked at how many things have them! I’ll let you know what some of these ingredients are and what they’re in (some are NASTYYYY). I know this seems overwhelming but I promise it becomes second nature. If you’re just getting started follow the “basics” on the chart below and that will be good enough :) 

These commonly used ingredients are NOT vegan when reading labels: Milk, egg, fish oil, pork, gelatin (boiled bones, ligaments, hooves and tendons from horses, cows, pigs; used in gummy candy, jello, many vitamins), tallow (animal fat; chips/fries, candles, soap), whey (watery part of milk left over from cheese making process; in a lot of health/body building products) , keratin, rennet (from the stomach of newborn slaughtered calves; used to coagulate cheese), pepsin (extracted from cow/pig stomach; cheese), shallac or lac-resin (secretions from a female lac bug; makes candy have that shine, nail polish, wood finish), L-cysteine (duck feathers; used in bread), Lanolin (oil from sheep wool; used in gum), Isinglass (fish bladder; used in some beers/wines), Casein (from milk; used in cheese and food additive ), Carmine or Natural Red 4 (scales from the cochineal insect; red dye used in yogurts, candy, juice, cosmetics). 

Fun fact: The most disgusting one I’ve discovered is used in when you read “natural flavors of vanilla, raspberry, or strawberry.” Now you think this means natural FRUIT flavors, but what it actually means is it’s an anal secretion taken from a beaver’s anal gland. Yes, a beaver’s butt is apparently cheaper than fruit. It’s also used in perfumes and medicines.  Yup.... They use the word Castoreum but legally are allowed to label it “natural flavors.” So if you’re eating/drinking something look for it to say FRUIT extracts.

Vegan alternatives

If you’re looking for “mock meats” Gardein hands down is the best! They have manyyyy different kinds of products (crabcakes, fried fish, different kinds of chick’n). They’re sold in the Nature’s Way section at Wegmans in the freezer. They’re $4.99 a bag and are about 3 servings. (A two pack of marinated chicken breast costs usually $6-$7 and is 2 servings for comparison). I am willing to bet 95% of people couldn’t tell the difference between real and fake. I’d put $ on it.  I also just like to make veggie burgers. 

Cheese is a more difficult one, because if you’re like me you want to see that shit melttt. First off vegan “cheese” is dairy free, and is often made from nuts.. so it’s difficult to get that melt. I know this sounds strange, but there are many great brands out there. Follow Your Heart and Chao brands are the best in my opinion. Daiya is like the “original” cheese but their taste wasn’t what I was looking for. I heard they’ve reformulated themselves though so I’ll give them another try (all available in Nature’s Way at Wegmans).

Instead of baking and sauteeing food with butter, use oil. Grapeseed oil is my favorite oil to cook with. I like olive oil for things that don’t require high heat. Earth Balance is good, and I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter are both alternatives. Always double check the label doesn’t say it contains dairy. 

When baking there are about a million different things to substitute for eggs. Flaxseed, chia seeds, and aquafaba are my favorites (aquafaba: the juice that is in a can of chickpeas. It blends up like an eggwhite).

I can’t live without ice cream so it is SUPER important to me to have alternatives. Luckily there are a million. I prefer So Delicious (they also have yogurt). Ben and Jerry’s also has some Dairy free alternatives. There are some in the Nature’s Way section but there are some with regular ice cream. It’ll be labeled “Dairy free” or say it’s coconut based (double check the back though). 

Milk alternatives are ALL around you (see below-there are more than just these); Almond milk is my fav. 

Shopping List

Carbs: whole wheat or veggie pasta (sold at most grocers), brown or white rice, quinoa, whole wheat or multigrain bread, wheat pizza crust, oatmeal, lentils, potatoes, sweet potatoes, yams, tortillas, plain popcorn. Get lots of nuts; they’re a great high protein and healthy fat snack. You can also use them to make cheeses and sauces! Tip: I often try to avoid “white” carbs as they typically don’t provide as much nutrients. 

Fruit: Shop based on affordability and need. If there’s a good deal on fresh get a lot and freeze some before they’re bad. Frozen is a good choice as well and usually nutrient heavy as they’re picked at peak times. These can be used quickly as smoothies, and fresh can be used in salads, or dairy free yogurt topper... or just as a nice dessert. I always have lemons on hand (good to drizzle, use in sauces, or in water). Tip:chop up bananas and freeze them like that. They blend up perfectly like ice cream!

Veggies: Eat yo greens! Spinach, kale, broccoli, cauliflower (good for mac and “cheese” sauce), onions, carrots, tomatoes (I know it’s a fruit, shut it), cucumber, eggplant, asparagus, corn, edamame. Same as fruit, don’t be scared to buy frozen! I like the Steamable brand you can toss in the microwave. Cans are also an affordable choice, just be aware these can have high salt content. If you’ve never tried it I recommend tofu; you can season and marinade it to taste like anything!

Beans: These are a huge protein source. Chickpeas are very versatile; they can be used in hummus, veggie burgers, salads, soups, falafel, curry and more. Get the canned ones; save the juice from these as they’re like magic! Black beans, red beans, white beans. Get them all! I tend to get cans as they’re ready to go but they’re super inexpensive in bulk and you just self soak them. 

Healthy fats: Avocados are lifeee. Oils are admittedly more expensive than butter but buy a large bottle and stock it in the pantry. You won’t have to buy this every shopping trip as a little goes a long way. I like grapeseed oil, coconut oil, and olive oil most. If you’re interested in more oil free, there are a lot of people who use veggie stock or water instead. Tip: you can make some beauty products with these too! 

Snacks: plant based ice cream, Luna or Cliff bars, dairy free yogurt, dried fruit, nuts, seaweed crisps, Oreos, Swedish Fish, Twizzlers, Dark Chocolate (check to see if there’s milk; some companies are assholes), tortilla chips, pretzels, plain popcorn. 

Seasonings: Half of the reason you likely enjoy meat is the condiments or spices you eat with it. We don’t often eat unseasoned meat plain do we? It’s the same with your veggies. Don’t be scared to spice it up and experiment. Salt, pepper, and garlic do wonders. Basil is also the best smell/taste in the world. I always keep fresh garlic and Himalayan salt handy. I also enjoy cayenne pepper and sriracha a lot because I’m a spicy bitch. Don’t be scared to make your own rubs, marinades, and sauces. It’s incredibly easy and you know exactly what went into it. BUY NUTRITIONAL YEAST. It sounds weird but trust me. It is THE BEST THING EVER. 

Handy Appliances

I LOVE my rice cooker. The’re like $30. Throw some rice and water in, flick that button and walk away. It turns out perfect every time. You can add seasonings and other veggies for a quick steam. You can also get a facial when you open it.

Get a heavy duty blender or food processor. Trust. You’ll use it all the time for sauces, and smoothies, blending nuts, even making milk if you wanna get fancy. I highly recommend Ninja if you’re able to splurge cause it could pulverize a dead body. 

Cheese cloth is helpful if you want to make your own nut milk. If you’re trying tofu that you have to press the moisture out of, this is helpful too. 

I tend to use a wok instead of a frying pan. I think it works much better for sauteeing shit. 

Good knives and cutting board for prepping veggies. Get a vegetable wash as well. Baking soda and vinegar are best for cleaning veggies.  

Well peeps, my fingers are about to catch on fire so I’ll end here. Make your shopping lists. Let me know your successes and what was hard for you. I’d love to help. I know this seems like more work than it’s worth but I promise you ya learn quickly what you can/can’t have. It’s not about perfection, do your best and that’s enough. I know I talked about how I transitioned overnight but MANY vegans took months/years to transition. You’ll make mistakes; don’t beat yourself up about it! Some people start by meatless Mondays, cutting out all meats besides fish, then cutting out dairy, etc. You don’t need to do it all at once. 

Disclaimer: my personal results are from diving head in so if you go slowly don’t expect the same results. 

[asuitcaseofmemories]

Change Starts in Your Thoughts

If you’re anything like I was 7 months ago, the word vegan makes you roll your eyes and laugh. I totally get it! People ask me if I miss eating meat and dairy, and truthfully I don’t! Those things truly don’t even register to me as food anymore. Once my brain made the connection between animals and food... I just couldn’t do it anymore. I know you rolled your eyes at that too. 

Follow along while I tell ya about all my embarrassing secrets. K thanks. 

My journey with this lifestyle started far before I actually transitioned. At two different points in my life I was pescatarian, but didn’t really do it for a reason other than to test my willpower. Eventually I just went back to my fat ways of regularly eating 2 bags of Wendy's in my car and then walking in the house like nothing happened (My regular order was a Large fry/chocolate frosty “for dipping purposes, a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, Crispy Chicken with cheese, and nuggets with BBQ). 

I have always had more of a sensitive side to animals, where I think a lot of you can sympathize. Videos of goats hopping around in PJs, cows cuddling with humans on the beach, a baby piglet making best friends with a cat... this shit makes me cry! These videos have always made me so happy on the inside, but I still didn’t connect it to what I was eating. I’d cry over a pig in a video and go make a burger with bacon.

As a little blondie sitting in my room I remember reading Ferdinand (about a nice bull) again and again and again. I also recall sitting with my grandma in the red barn, the smell of damp hay in my nostrils. We were laughing together while she was attempting to teach me how to milk a cow (Daisy). I was failing miserably. I decided I wouldn’t be a dairy farmer in my future. I became attached to Daisy and looked forward to going to my grandparents’ every Sunday to see her. Well one Sunday I ran to that red barn, and Daisy was no longer. That’s when I learned about what a hamburger was. I WAS FUCKING PISSED. 

As a young child you don’t really have the opportunity to choose what’s on your plate.  I was raised that I was lucky to have food on my plate and not be going hungry. I continued to eat meat and cheese, but my hatred for milk started pretty much the second I saw it came from a cow’s titty. BUT CHEESE IS MILK JESSICA.

Fast forward to age 29. Health wise I was doing OK, but I was certainly not healthy. I’d recently come off from a traumatizing miscarriage, my anxiety and depression was so bad I didn’t leave my hotel room for weeks at a time. I was binge eating my sorrows away with anything that I could get my hands on. We’d go out to dinners with a huge group, and order TONS of food to share (typical in Chinese culture). God forbid I let any of that go to waste. I never went home any less than stuffed and sick. 

By no surprise I developed a debilitating case of IBS. It was partially sparked by anxiety, but also what I was eating. I was in extreme pain all the time. From gas, to bloating, to constipation, and diarrhea. I couldn’t go ANYWHERE without knowing if there was a bathroom, and how long it was until I could use a bathroom. I cancelled many adventures because I’d wake up with an angry stomach and knew I couldn't make it to my destination without shitting my pants. I kept Imodium and this Chinese anti-diarrhea medicine with me at all times. It kind of became a running joke between my friends, “Do you need to use the bathroom before we leave?” Yes. The answer was always yes. I’d actually pack an extra pair of leggings in my bag on the chance I may have an accident. THAT’S TMI  JESS. 

During this time a few posts that a vegan friend posted had caught my eye. I considered giving it a try just for the hell of it. One day I glimpsed at a page she had reposted from and I saw a post about a plant based diet helping with digestive issues. The comment section was filled with personal success stories of people whose IBS had disappeared after going vegan. I decided I’d give it more of a thought while I went on vacation to the mountains/Hong Kong. 

The moment above was a photo taken of me in Hong Kong. It was a life changing moment for me and I’ll never forget it. It was a beautiful day and I was naturally sick af shitting myself that morning (which caused us to be late) and full of anxiety from waiting in a queue for 2.5 hours to go see the Giant Buddha. When we finally arrived at the Buddha to my surprise there were many cows roaming the property. They were just walking leisurely walking around enjoying the tourist’s company. 

I admittedly didn’t have much interaction with cows since Daisy, and petting this cow really brought back memories. Rubbing its head and looking into its eyes brought me so much comfort and sadness at the same time. It was like a giant puppy who just wanted love. Obviously I’m not an idiot, but it took that moment to really equate the cow I was petting with the steaks I’d been eating.

That night we went to a Vietnamese restaurant and I ate Pho with beef, and some chicken skewers. It was one of the best meals I’d had there taste wise, but I knew as I was eating it that it was my last meal like that (and it was).

On October 31st, I sat my fat ass on the couch with a slice of avocado toast and browsed the Netflix selection. I’d seen a bunch of people post about the documentary “What The Health” recently and knew it’d sparked some interest in going vegan. I’d thought it would be animal cruelty based and that’s why I’d never watched... but to my surprise it wasn’t. 

Watching that documentary literally CHANGED. MY. LIFE. If you’ve never watched it, close this blog immediately and go watch it. I AM NOT KIDDING. STOP READING. It will blow you away. It has nothing to do with animal cruelty at all. It’s a science based documentary packed full of dietitians and doctors who are fighting back against the meat/dairy industry and the health claims they pose. I’ve always grown up believing things like chicken and eggs are HEALTHY foods, and that you needed dairy in your diet for healthy bones. I couldn’t believe how much meat and dairy contributed to the deadly diseases you work so hard to avoid getting. I was completely shocked by all the findings in the documentary and went vegan immediately. 

Once you are faced with information that goes against everything you’ve ever known you can do one of two things 1) say “fuck that... it’s not true” and go about your day or 2) do some research yourself. Being the nosy bitch that I am I HAD to know if what they were saying was true. I have spent months reading health journals, watched lectures, looking at new research, and I was shocked that what they were saying was accurate. Some of the comparisons they made are problematic (like meat is worse than a cigarette), but the statement that it’s a top carcinogen is NOT a lie and research shows this time and time again. This began such an experience for me that I couldn’t shut up about it.  

http://www.whatthehealthfilm.com/ > you can watch the film at this link. They also sell meal plans and cookbooks. 

Also, I watched a documentary called Cowspiracy. This documentary was eye opening as well, but in a much different way. I have always been overly interested in recycling and improving the environment. I always figured by doing the little day to day things: recycling, picking up trash, shutting off lights, etc I was doing my part. This documentary is about the specific environmental impacts of the meat and dairy industry. I HAD NO IDEA. It’s insane that it has such a detrimental effect on the environment and it’d never been touched on in any of the documentaries I’d watched on global warming. 

My Personal Results

Within a week of transitioning I noticed a huge sense of clarity in my thought process; my brain just didn’t have that “fog”” anymore. Even after eating a huge plant based meal I felt so light and not bloated.  My energy shot through the roof. If you know me personally you know half of my body was made of coffee. I don’t even drink coffee now. I don’t need it. Yes, you read that right. On top of that I NEEDED pre-workout to even think about going to the gym. I don’t need that now; I have explosive workouts, and my recovery time has been cut in half. My skin is glowing, and it’s not dry anymore. I still get a pimple from time to time but I’m not having massive pre-pubescent breakouts anymore. My drab hair is long and luxurious, as are my nails. My periods are much less painful and only last 3-5 days instead of 5-7. I only have a double chin instead of a quadruple chin. I’m not shitting my pants anymore. In fact... I can’t remember the last time I had a stomach issue at all. My anxiety/depression is much better now, but I’m also medicated. I’m able to fall asleep at whatever time I want to, and I wake up at a normal time. Before I always was up until at least 3am, and majority of days slept til noon-2pm. ZOMBIE ALERT.  I have lost at minimum 10lbs (I stopped weighing myself because it’s an unhealthy/self-destructive habit of mine). I had a full blood panel done to make sure I was getting nutrients and they were all perfect, as was my blood pressure and everything else. 

Here’s a photo of last summer (not even at my heaviest) compared to now. I would like to reiterate from my last post that almost the entirety of my changes are solely due to going plant based. I was the laziest bitch you will ever meet and DID NOT workout until about a month ago. So take that for what you will. 

The Transition Process

If you don’t have a lot of fiber in your current diet, be prepared to fart. 

You’re going to have more frequent poops as well (fiber). If you’re someone who bloats/has painful or infrequent poops this will be lifeeee changing for you!

For the first two months(ish) your body is trying to detox from your meat/dairy heavy ways. Some people at first may experience a few blemishes but MOST people this will clear up and you’ll have a “vegan glow.” Drink lots of water!

Initially you’ll notice an increase in energy. At 2-3 weeks I noticed I was getting a headache and was fatigued. I researched it and they said I may not be eating enough. I tracked my calories and I was NOT. Once I fixed that, all was good. I recommend tracking calories the first week because you’ll be surprised how much you can eat! If you’re hungry you should be eating. Listen to those hunger signals. 

The ONLY thing the vegan diet lacks is vitamin B12. I suggest supplementing with that once a week. There are a few vitamin fortified foods such as nutritional yeast (ill talk about that later). B12 comes from soil. Meat eaters get it through eating animals that have been fed B12 fortified feed. Since we wash our veggies and use pesticides we don’t naturally get B12 anymore. 

You’ll learn to read labels and quickly know what is/isn’t vegan.

Your taste preferences will change and things may begin to taste more flavorful. If you currently eat dairy it kind of creates a coating on your tongue that prevents your taste buds from working to their full potential.

Your natural smell is going to change. This kinda fucked me up tbh. 

You’ll feel a sense of compassion for the environment and animals knowing that you’re doing what you can. 

You’ll notice you eat a wider variety of food now. You’ll become more creative in the kitchen. If you're like me, my diet was a repeat of chicken, fish, steak... chicken, fish, steak. So boring. 

You’ll meet a lot of assholes who suddenly are concerned with your health and protein consumption. Suddenly everyone is a dietitian.  A plant based diet is nutritious and well balanced and don’t let any mother fuckers tell ya different. 

Okay, so hopefully this is the last blog I’ll ever have to write about me. I think it was a necessary part of this process because for many who’ve reached out to me I am the ONLY actual vegan they know. Please as always don’t hesitate to DM me any questions. Up next: FOODDDD. 

[asuitcaseofmemories]

The One Who Learns, Teaches

Hey bitches, have a seat and buckle up. Your favorite blogger is back. 

Ever since my recent transformation photos I’ve had quite the influx in people reaching out to me about my journey with veganism. I’ve decided to do a few blogs about it to help those who are interested understand more about the weight loss, health factors, environmental impacts,  movement itself, and animal cruelty. If any of that peaks your interest, read on! If not, no hard feelings :) 

Below is one of the last photos taken of me before going vegan on Halloween. The other photo was taken in March. All of the results below are solely due to switching to a plant based diet. I would like to clarify that means I did absolutely NO working out during this time. I was in a terrible anxiety/depression ridden state and rarely left my hotel room. If you are even semi-active I have no doubts you’d be amazed at your transformation. 

To begin I’d like to discuss some boring ass terminology so that we are all on the same page. Many of you may be aware of the term vegetarian: Someone who abstains from eating animal flesh. There are some vegetarians who consume only seafood, and they’re considered Pescatarian. A Plant Based or Vegan diet has some similarities to a vegetarian diet but it’s a little more rigid. As a Vegan or someone on a Plant Based diet, one doesn’t consume ANY animal products. This includes: animal flesh, dairy (cheese, milk, yogurt), eggs, gelatin, and by products such as honey. BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BACON.

The reasoning for the two differing terms of Plant Based and Vegan is that veganism is considered a lifestyle, whereas plant based is mostly just someone who eats a diet that is “vegan.” People who call themselves vegan do more than avoid animal products in our diet, we also do not contribute to animal harm in other ways. We do not wear leather, wool, fur, suede or silk. We also avoid cosmetic products that use animals in them, and we do not use products that are tested on animals. We don’t attend zoos or contribute to animal tourism. WHOA THAT’S LIKE A LOT OF WORK AND STUFF.

I know a lot of people reaching out to me are more focused on hoping to lose weight through modifying their diet, which is fine! I am just trying to clarify these terms before I get started on topics of: Recipes, workouts, health benefits, animal testing, environmental impacts, factory “farming,” etc. I’ll try to cover each topic in separate blogs so you can read the blogs that most pertain to your interests. 

This topic is something that I am very passionate about, and I have researched endlessly. I am learning more and more every day. I hope that through browsing my blog you’ll see how easy having a plant based diet is, and that I don’t just eat grass. So now that all that boring shit has been addressed, let’s have some fun. 

[asuitcaseofmemories]

As We Walk in Fields of Gold

It was a day like any other. We loaded into the van excited to explore a new location. Traffic was hellacious, but we didn’t care. We put on some music and jammed out the only way a Chinese, a Filipino, and two Americans know how. Us three girls were given the decision of a mountain or a music/artist town. For this adventure we went with mountain.

There was a heavy smog that day in the city, a clear reminder that winter is approaching. As we drove out of the city of 7million, we were excited to see patches of blue sky and fluffy clouds greeting us. I looked to both sides of the highway and saw unbelievably golden fields. I have never seen anything like this before, so I asked what it was. They were rice fields. My mind was boggled by this as I’ve seen rice fields before and they just look like patches of water. Apparently, this is the final step before harvesting. I still have so much to learn.

Our friend and driver, John asked us if we wanted to stop for some photos; the answer was, and always is YES. The heat hit us as we exited the car, and I was overdressed. Nevertheless we gallivanted through the fields, soaking in the sun, taking photos. I felt like we could’ve been in the music video for Sting’s “Fields of Gold.”

The local farmers passing by no doubt wondering why Americans find rice so amusing. One older woman was driving by in her red wagon/vehicle and stopped for a moment to chat. We exchanged hellos and smiles.She began speaking in Chinese, most of it indecipherable to me, except when she asked if I was American, to which I responded yes. I pointed at the field and told her in Chinese it was “beautiful.” She giggled and I could feel the sense of pride and happiness exuding from her. She circled around a few more times smiling, and watching us.. for good measure. A grandson and grandfather combo offered up a chance for a nice candid moment.  There was a very rural looking school to the right of them, and children were being picked up for lunch.

After we’d sufficiently photographed the area, we headed towards our destination. Since the smog cleared I said “look a mountain.” Our driver laughed at me and exclaimed that it was just a hill. Well, it LOOKED like a mountain compared to flat Hefei so I stand by my statement.

We kept driving and eventually came upon a small rural town. I pass little places like this often on the train and daydream about being able to talk to the locals and snag some photographs of this side of China. Their houses are mostly composed of cement and bright red bricks, their roofs similar to temples. They appear to be very minimal. I have grown to love the “no frills” type of architecture. We came upon a rice farmer, drying their goods in the street, something else I knew nothing of.

We got to the mountain park after passing through town, and it despite a restaurant on the outskirts, appeared abandoned. Initially we thought it was a quiet tourist day, and decided to drive up the mountain in search of the “good view.” Well, on this one lane, twisty road, we came across a gate. Uh oh. We convinced John that he could turn around doing an easy 100 point K turn and pleaded with him not to kill us by going over the cliff. We got turned around and to our surprise there were two Chinese soldiers looking at us bewildered. John had a conversation with them and we took off. They claimed that there was no longer access for civilians to go to the top. John thought MAYBE they were fibbing and we better try the other road that cut off from that. Turns out they weren’t lying after all.

Feeling a bit defeated we parked at the bottom and walked around there taking photos. There were some gravestones on the side of the mountain, which was very odd to see here in China. They cremate everyone these days so you don’t see as many graveyards as the US. Joann and I did our usual chasing of butterflies, while John looked at us like we were crazy. I was hit in the face by two aggressive ladybugs, which is strange because that’s two more than an average day. Joann saw a praying mantis and a ladybug that was reverse colors (mainly black with red dots).

John told us to pick some flowers to take home with us, which I got quite the laugh about. He coined me “Flower Killer” quite some time ago after picking a flower on a walk. He explained that these were wild flowers so it’s okay. We each picked some flowers to take with us. Aileen saw this dying little Charlie Brown Christmas tree look alike, and she wanted to take it home to replant. Next thing I know John is yanking on it with all his might and pulled it out of the ground roots and all. Something about this visual makes me die laughing. We are an odd bunch, that’s for sure.

All this flower picking worked up quite the appetite. We went to the restaurant at the bottom of the mountain, and they were very happy to have us. I was really happy to see they had dogs. And also they had bathrooms which is very important when you live in China. Joann was taking a picture of some veggies they had in a bowl outside when one of the workers (owner I think), decided that we needed a tour. Bless this woman’s heart. She took us through the kitchen (which initially I was all oh god please no), and out the back door. She had a very large vegetable garden, and was proudly showing us. I imagine she was telling us that all her dishes are cooked with ingredients from there. She even plucked something out of the ground to show us. I think it was a giant radish but I really don’t know. She showed us the pigs they also have, which both made me happy because SO CUTE and sad because they’ll get eaten. There was a gaggle of geese around the restaurant too; every once in awhile the workers would go running toward them yelling so they’d go back outside and they’d squabble away. On our way back through the kitchen we met the chef who was excited that we wanted his photo. This place was legit farm to table.

I decided I needed a beer because it was like 1:30 obviously. We ordered some veggie dishes, a soup, and tomato and egg dish. All the workers kept stopping by our room and were so excited that the foreigners liked their restaurant. They wanted to take photos with us out front, which is always a funny experience in itself. The kindness of these people shows no bounds. I mean how many restaurant owners would show so much kindness to foreigners eating at their establishment?

The owner told John about a local festival going on at the top of the other side of the mountain. She thought we may be able to catch it. So when we were filled up we left in the hopes of watching it. We had to stop a few times because the windy mountain road was tempting us with views we couldn’t resist. I got out of the car and hopped onto the barrier next to the road (pic below) and Joann screamed, scaring me shitless. From the angle she was at, it appeared a straight drop off, and well you know my clumsy ways (Sorry for the heart attack). A little farther up the road I saw in the distance vibrant yellow fields. We took photos but we didn’t really know what it was/how to get there.

We continued to the top of the mountain to where to our surprise we found a temple. The festival was over by this time unfortunately, so we walked around. I walked down the path, both sides of me were covered in what I found out were tea leaves growing. I looked into the distance and could see the smog rolling in, covering what I am sure was a breathtaking view. We found this really old rock wall, with an old metal gate adorned with a star; mystery was clearly behind it. A dog began barking so we knew someone lived there. The man was a grumpy old man, but he allowed us to enter for the price of a few coins. Inside was a well with some of the clearest water I’d ever seen. John said that people have polluted it with coins (making wishes), but that it was special water. It was humbling to see his home, which was lacking most modern technologies.

We left there with the intent to figure out what those bright yellow fields were. John is a very trusty navigator and got us there pretty easily by taking the road less traveled. To our amazement it was MASSIVE fields of bright yellow flowers. The owner of the property allowed us to enter and take photos. The workers smiled and laughed as we took their photos. They are such hard workers picking EACH flower head off the plant. At first I was confused on why they were just picking the flower heads, and then I recalled chrysanthemum tea. This type of tea is very popular throughout China. Obviously, it tastes very floral and is quite delicious. It was cool to see the process. The view these workers had was unbelievable. The owner was a kind soul, and allowed us to take some of his flowers home with us.

As the day turned to night, that was our cue that the adventure was over. The day wasn’t what we’d originally thought it would be, but it was more than we could’ve imagined. I think this was one of the more memorable days I’ve had here. Good company, kind locals, and a good all around cultural experience.

[asuitcaseofmemories]

"There’s a Storm in my Head and it’s Killing all the Flowers.”

I've been relatively vocal about having anxiety. I've had a LOT of people message me with support, suggestions, and pure curiosity. I'm always happy to answer what I can... Because though I realize my truth is the same as countless others. I also realize many of them suffer in silence. I think the more I share my struggles, the more others can hopefully understand what their friends, family, and loved ones are going through. I decided to give a brief glimpse of my thought pattern for just a simple trip. I went to Shanghai, which mind you I have been to at least 6 times now. Here ya go...

Tuesday

Okay I really have to get moving on those train tickets for Thursday. I open my computer and search for tickets to Shanghai from Hefei on Aug 31st. My appointment is at 1, so if I leave by 10 that will be fine. No wait, I can't eat breakfast before or my anxiety will make me throw up... I should leave earlier then get lunch there. Yeah, I need to eat I guess. I'll book the 8:00am train which means I have to catch the 7:00 subway and wake up at 6:00.

Okay this train station is closest to where I want to eat. I write down the date, time, and train number. I'll book 3:30pm return. Oh god, what if they're running behind and my appointment goes late, or the line at the subway is long, or I get on the wrong one on accident, and then miss my train? I better make it for 5 just to be safe. Shit, I need to have the concierge order these before the seats are taken... Excuse me while I check 3 different times to be sure he has the correct train info. He's annoyed.

I get the tickets and I immediately check the time, date, and train number.. Phew they're correct. I put them in my purse and go to walk away... Wait! Maybe they're the wrong station, better check them, again. Okay, they're right. Wait, maybe I have the stations confused? It is a big city... I better Google it to be sure. Okay all set, no worries!

Wednesday

11:45pm- I'm falling asleep but I suddenly realize that I NEED to plan out my day so I'm not late for anything. I check the address for Shanghai Station for the 8th time. I get the street address for the place to eat (in Chinese) justttt in case the subway is down or something. Remember I did see an article a month ago where that did happen. It will probably happen again, could be tomorrow. What's the subway station nearest to the restaurant? Hmm I better cross reference that 5 times. Google says that will take 32 mins on the subway, it'll take at least 10-15 minutes to buy tickets, another 5 minutes to walk from the station to the restaurant... Okay so I'll get to the restaurant at 11:04. It's only a half hour cab ride to the doctor from there. But wait, maybeeee traffic will be terrible. I should  leave at noon instead of 12:30... just to be safe.

Okay, now I can go back to bed. Wait... Hmm I better look up the address for my doctor in Chinese... Just in case the cab driver can't read the business card font. Maybe I'm being silly? No I'm not, that's happened before. Do it. Okay go to bed. Wait! How am I getting back to the train station? Okay Google says it's a 35 minute cab ride, but it's probably 50 with traffic. That means I should get a cab by 3pm. I'll get there by 4 and the train boards at 4:37, and the security line could be long...

I feel better, now I can sleep. Wait... What if I can't get a cab? I took the subway from there last time. It was like a 13 minute walk, but I can't remember if I had to switch lines. Was the ticket line long there? Shit I can't remember. I better double check the line number and stop for the train station, again.

Seriously it's 2am and I have to get up in 4 hours. I finally begin dozing off, then I think "what's the weather going to be like?" I better check my weather app. It doesn't say it's going to rain, but maybe it will. Oh no I left my umbrella at that restaurant tonight.

Maybe I should've packed my backpack tonight, what if I forget something tomorrow? Okay I need to pack my passport, cash, tissues, sunglasses, glasses (in case I need to take my contacts out), eye drops (ya never know), contact case, coins for the subway, headphones for music, water, my iPad... Am I forgetting anything? Yeah you're forgetting to sleep. Go to bed Jess.

I feel the satin of my eye mask brush my face as I pull it on, and I take a deep breath. Why am I so nervous? My palms are sweating and my heart feels like I just ran the mile for the first time. I literally JUST did this trip 2 weeks ago. I went to the same area for lunch and everything. *1 hour later* I lift up my eye mask, after not sleeping a wink. What time is it? 3:30am. I pull my eye mask back on then immediately tear it off. WHAT. How is it 3:30?? Okay if I fall asleep now I'll get 2.5 hours of sleep. Go to bed.

One hour later I rip off my eye mask in panic... Shit did I set an alarm? I better check its for AM not PM. Okay good, it is. I close my eyes... Shit... Am I sure 6am is early enough? Ugh stop worrying and go to bed. I toss and turn for a bit and finally start to doze off. Great, now I gave to pee.

After the chill of the cold tile woke up my feet, I made my way back to the bedroom and slowly climbed back into bed. Shortly after I doze off, Corey's alarm sounds. That means it's between 5-5:15am think. A second alarm goes off... It's probably 5:30 now. Maybe I can sleep for a half hour.

I hear the shower start and think BUT maybe I should just get up to be sure I have everything around in time?

It's 5:45am and I am scrolling through my phone making sure I have everything screenshot for directions. I make a detailed itinerary down to the minute in my notepad, just to be on the safe side.

6:00am and my alarm blares as I'm holding it in my hands. Great, I feel like I'm going to puke. Why? Why didn't I sleep? I'm hungry. I wish I could eat but I will definitely get sick. Maybe I'm already going to get sick? I need coffee like yesterday. I should wait until I get to the train station otherwise I'll have to pee between here and there and I don't have time for that. But I'm so thirsty. No-don't drink anything or you'll have to go. I glance out the window. Ughhh why did I forget my umbrella yesterday? It's raining.

I begin getting ready and panic hits me. Why do I feel like I can't breathe? I'm literally putting on blush. Nothing is happening. Oh my god I'm having a heart attack. I AM NOT. But maybe I am, that does happen. I Google "symptoms of a heart attack" and "symptoms of a panic attack" ...again, like I don't do this everyday. I should really just bookmark them. Ugh why's this always happen to me?

I do a breathing exercise, that I don't have time for, because if I don't I'm surely going to DIE. My heart has slowed and I can finally breathe normal, but all that anxiety just wrecked my stomach for the day. Yay, that will be great to deal with. I'm out of Imodium which I'm basically taking as a multivitamin at this point.

I glance at my watch, shit! I've got to go or I'll be late! I put my hand on the door handle, and quickly remove it. Now I'm rummaging through my bag to be extra sure I have everything, again. I am meticulous as I rearrange the pockets I have my belongings in. Someone could steal my passport if I'm not careful! That does happen sometimes.

I push the down button outside the elevator 15 times for good measure. What's taking so long? I hear the ding of one arriving, and I get in. I glance at my watch- Yes, I'm on time! The elevator begins to slow and I immediately remember that time a few weeks ago when it briefly stopped working between floors with me and Corey in it. Oh god I'm going to die! Oh never mind, it's just someone on the 10th floor. Oh god I know him. "Good morning Jess!" "Hey, heading to work?" ... That's a stupid question. Why would you ask that? You know the bus leaves at 7, what else would he be doing? He definitely thinks I'm an idiot right now, because I am. "Yes" he replies. Lord, these last 4 floors feel like an eternity. I want to tell him I almost puked on him for a second there, but I just say "have a good day" instead.

It's 6:52am, and I know the subway leaves at 7 on the dot... The subway is right there, but naturally I'm freaking out anyway. I run down the large flight of stairs faster than necessary ... Oh no it's 6:56 what if it leaves early (Realistically I could take the next one and be fine)? I run down the next flight of stairs too. The sign says 4 minutes until the subway car arrives, obviously. I pace back and forth as I skim over my itinerary in my phone, for the 4th time this morning. I feel like a lunatic and now I look like one. I gaze at the map to ensure I know my stop, which is named Hefei South Railway (duh). I count the number of stops 4 times for good measure. I look at my watch. 7:00am, the subway cars are here.

I get on and grab an empty seat without making any eye contact. I slowly pick my head up and everyone is looking at me. Please stop. Maybe they're staring because my music is too loud? I dull it to the minimum and after a few moments I peek again... No they're still staring. I'm very aware of my skin's surface at the moment and it feels like it's crawling with a million tiny legs. A shiver goes up my back and I swallow much too loud for this silent car.

Shit, was that one stop or two? I was too focused on the million legs that I lost count. Ugh I can't see the map from here. Why did I sit here? Maybe I should I get up and look? No. I don't want this lady to think I moved because she sat down; I know my stop's not for 20 minutes. Plus if I stand I'm guaranteed to have to pee. I argue with myself for 10 minutes and begin to panic that maybe I missed the stop.

All the atoms in my body feel like they're about to burst into flames. I kind of wish they would. I can't take it anymore! I'm getting up reading the map! I'm sure the panic is evident on my face as I quickly remove my ass from the bench. Oh, I still have three stops. I better just stand here next to the door; maybe they'll stop staring at me if I squeeze into this corner? Nope. In the door's reflection I can clearly see all of their watchful eyes and heads on a swivel. Why does this subway car feel like it's closing in on me? I can't breathe. Am I going to cry? Because I feel like I'm going to cry. No really I can't breathe right now.

I close my eyes and pray to God to have pity on me and make me invisible to these watchful eyes. I hear the automated baby voice over the intercom talking; my stop is next. The subway arrives at Hefei Station and the I hear the hiss of the doors as they open. No sooner and I'm gasping for air as I catapult myself out of the car at a speed you'd think I was trying to escape death. I mean, it felt like I was. Phew, I did it. I almost hyperventilated for a moment there. Okay, no really...where the fuck's the bathroom in this place?

Step one of 40, but I did it.

So if you don't have anxiety you're probably like WTF is wrong with this chick; seriously who worries like that? Well, I do... And chances are many of your loved ones do too. This is just a glimpse of the hell going on constantly in my brain- just a snippet of ONE topic. My brain rapid fires thoughts like these, on countless subjects, ALL day long. It is exhausting, and frankly getting out of is a miracle most days. Sleep evades me at night, and consumes most of my days. I can't remember what it's like to feel "normal" and not feel this hell. This is just my daily, constant anxiety... not even a bad panic attack. Traveling used to give me the MOST enjoyment. Even though it's harder than hell to get to that destination, I push myself to get there. I have my bad days, weeks, sometimes months... But I will not let anxiety or depression control my life.

If you're out there struggling and feel crazy in your head...just know we are crazy together, and I like to think I'm a fun time.

[asuitcaseofmemories]

To my mind, the greatest reward and luxury of travel is to be able to experience everyday things as if for the first time, to be in a position in which almost nothing is so familiar it is taken for granted.

Bill Bryson (via movemequotes)

🙌🏼 I couldn't have described this better myself.

[asuitcaseofmemories]

[asuitcaseofmemories]

Inner Dialogue

6:50am and I’m zombie walking to the subway station, anxious to get on my way. People are doing their daily tai chi routines in the hotel garden. The lady who walks backwards with her dog following behind her is there; she’s always there. I clear several flights of stairs waking up my sleepy legs, wondering to myself why no one ever makes use of them. The stuffy, humid air is left behind as I reach the platform just as the train pulls away. Shoot. So I wait, and use the opportunity to do my secret morning ritual of reading a bit from the Bible. Cliche but therapeutic. Today’s lesson, “love thy neighbor.” I wonder who God will put in my path today, for the test is eventual. The lights of the next train approach, on time as always.

I surprise myself by arriving to the high speed rail station with plenty of time to spare. Lord knows timeliness isn’t a usual trait of mine. There are people, SO many people. I feel the wind of others’ movements as they rush by in a blur. I feel like I’m the only one not in a hurry. I glance at my watch, yes… I have time to grab a coffee. I look to my left and there’s a book store coffee shop combo. Pro & Epi Louge is this name, clever.

The scent of freshly ground coffee, and books longing to be touched smacks me in the face like a ton of bricks. This is what I live for. Unfamiliar covers greet my eyes, calling my name. I open them and caress their pages; I can’t read a word. Focus girl, you’re here for the coffee I gently remind myself. I use my translator to photograph their menu and see they have flavored lattes. I proudly point to the Chinese characters depicting my choice and ask in Mandarin if I may get it iced. The barista is a striking woman; I’m equally taken aback by her beauty as I am her response in perfect English.

I rush to my waiting area where a gigantic group has already gathered. I meander to the end of the “line” and suddenly hear my name being called by a familiar voice, strange. I turn and see my friend, also traveling to Shanghai. We exchange some morning small talk and head our separate ways. The entry gate has opened, I know this because I’m being crushed from all sides now. Like the ant beneath the shoe; I’m invisible to them now. The line moves quickly, like everything else here. People pushing and budging everywhere. My American “manners” can’t help but laugh.

I make it unscathed to car four. I wonder who my seat-mate will be, and pray to myself that I get a window seat. Please no loud snorers, food slurpers/chompers, or loud phone maniacs. I think to myself “someone will be sitting in my seat and I’ll have to ask them to move” as 75% of the time this happens. I look for my seat 4F, YES it’s a window. God has a sense of humor, this I know. As I move closer it’s clear that in my seat is a boy seated on his sister’s lap, looking out the window in excitement for the journey. I approach and the father tells his children they must move, sadness graces their faces. “Love thy neighbor” pops a little too conveniently into my head. I insist to the father that it’s no problem at all and I will take the aisle. He begins to argue then realizes I’m stubborn and my mind’s been made. The children’s wide smiles said it all as they and the father say xie xie (thank you). My heart is full.

I settle in buy the aisle and train departs, its slow continual buzzing echoes through my ears. I can feel the speed of the train beneath my feet. The scent of morning noodles, coffee, and last night’s stale beer permeate the cabin. Everyone is here for something. Are they traveling for leisure, work commute, or just chasing the human need to escape? I wonder about their stories as much as they’re clearly wondering about mine.

The scenes outside the window are other worldly. We are whipping by little villages which are disappearing as quickly as they’d appeared. Once beautiful little communities crumble around the city skyscrapers. Quaint brick family homes surround the ever growing rice fields. Their fire red color breaking up the monotony of green. Their owners working diligently in the scorching summer sun. Their hoes digging into the dry dirt, dust rising all the way to their triangular shaped hat’s brim. I ponder what they must think of the ever approaching trains. They appear to putter around, paying no mind to the thousands of people that pass daily, whose eyes are forever searching. Were their friends lives uprooted to make this convenient trip possible for me? Likely. We are all strangers with stories, each having highs and lows. Our stories are ours to keep.

I peer next to me, watching the siblings pointing out the window. Giggling. Talking. I say a little prayer that the sparks in their eyes aren’t dimmed by this cruel world. In two hours these kiddos and their plastic Captain America figurine will once again be strangers to me. Our lives temporarily intersecting like lines on a graph, then going in opposite directions like the universe intended. Brief, but eventual and important. This happens all day, everyday, for our entire lives and we pay no mind. Every moment is a lesson.

Who will I meet next? There are so many ways to love thy neighbor: lend a hand to lessen a load, give up your seat for a mother, provide a construction worker water, fill the homeless man’s cup on the bridge, smile at a sad face, pay for a stranger’s coffee. In a world filled with darkness, I choose to be a light.

[asuitcaseofmemories]

Bad Luck Happens in... 65s if You’re Me.

I’m going to tell you a little a story. To be frank, it’ll probably definitely be long because it’s a nightmare and nightmares are never short. Only this isn’t just a nightmare, this is a true story; my true story of traveling from NY to Hefei after my home leave.

The date was June 26th... or 27th, because when you’re time traveling, details like that get hazy. My lovely friend dropped me off at the tiny Elmira airport and I had no issues checking in. I did internally begin losing my shit when the couple next to me was asked if they’d be willing to give up their seats due to them overbooking the flight by two. *Cue the anxiety* .... I mean we’ve all seen the dragging video by now. Save me.

We boarded in Elmira on time, I skipped the coffee and went for the complimentary red wine, because HELP, and because wine. The flight was uneventful, which was great. My friend and I spent our layover walking around the terminal, which I was thankful for because I was still losing it a little... and also because of the wine. If you can’t tell my travel anxiety is through the roof bad.

Our flight was boarded (from Detroit to Shanghai) with no issues, and the attendants graciously were loading me up on champagne. We left on time, and more champagne and food arrived. Did I say more champagne? I tried to sleep but the turbulence was pretty bad the last part of the flight... so I only slept 2.5 hours. (Side note: being hangry and a lack of sleep are two states you don’t want to see me in). Apparently attendance make it their duty to get you drunk if you can’t sleep, which is something I agree with on a spiritual level.

Upon landing we were told that the gate we were supposed to use was “not available” so we had to wait a bit. They decided to have us exit the plane on the tarmac and take the shuttle to the building. Which was great except the down pouring rain pelting us in between the two. I looked like a worthless drunk soggy noodle. I should’ve taken that as an omen, but I didn’t.

We arrived at customs and it was a strange scene as there was a huge line for foreigners and virtually no locals (opposite of what I’ve previously experienced). So it took a bit longer than usual, but we had no hiccups going through. The custom worker was actually the nicest custom worker I’d ever met and I think we could actually be friends now.

We then picked up our luggage to recheck it. Our bags were the last off the plane, despite having Sky Priority (meaning ours should come off first)-No biggie. When we went to recheck our bags, all hell broke loose.

I was told by a frantic worker after she weighed my first bag (I had two), that I’m only allowed to take 20kg on the plane.... mind you combined my bags were 48kg. I asked several questions about what people do in that situation, why I’ve never had this happen on previous flights, why there wasn’t a disclaimer sent when booking the flight, etc. The worker was not answering any of my questions, or offering alternate solutions. I think she just doesn’t like drunk soggy noodles.

I think the Holy Spirit inhabited my body at this moment, because my patience was  non-existent at this point. After about 15 mins of “what am I going to do” ... and thinking of alternate solutions like staying in Shanghai and booking a train the next day to get home... throwing out a bag- fuck that... she FINALLY says that I can pay a fee. BITCH YOU START WITH THAT. Why you wasting my time fucking asshole bitch nice lady???

This bitch lady gave me a piece of paper that I was intended to show at another counter to pay my fee. She had no idea how much it was at DID NOT tell me how to get to this next person. She also took my boarding pass and said they’d print a new one. She said “Next” when I asked for clarification, ugh no you didn’t. Thankfully my friend who was having the same issue, but was given better directions on how to get there by the kind lady waiting on her.

We were told we had to go to the 3rd floor, so we followed domestic departure signs for awhile... awhile... until we literally came to a dead end. WTF.... so we backtracked to our original spot, and we saw this other way,, so we followed that, and got to the 2F but still couldn’t get to 3F. I’m not kidding all the escalators were barricaded closed.

Clearly being two blonde idiots, looking lost as shit, this young man who spoke English asked if we are looking for the 3F too... hallelujah, we say yes.... he had just asked too, so we followed him to this elevator (which we would’ve never found because it was hid like the entrance of Narnia). UGH, this airport is stupid.

Oh but that’s not all. We get to the 3rd floor, go to the counter we were directed to go to and they say, oh no, you have to go over thereeeee. So we go there and we pay. Thankfully they took Visa (FYI- they don’t take US credit cards ANYWHERE in China so this is a miracle), and I paid my fine of $67USD. We asked about the reprinted tickets and she told us “oh no, you have to go in THAT line over there....” I’m thinking we should be going in the Sky Priority line as that’s what we always use, but she insisted it was the long line *Cue internal screaming*. So we waited and waited for our turn and they told us oh nooooo you go to the Sky Priority line, they have your tickets. Well I’d had about enough of this nonsense, so I nicely talked to the sympathetic woman who printed our boarding passes there. Thank you sweet angel!

Oh, but the story is just getting started. We went through security and they were double checking our carry ons... okay. Well they took child scissors from my friend’s bag then sent us on our way. We FINALLY head to gate 201. I look at the sign and see something in red. OMG. They changed our Gate to 9.... even though they JUST printed our passes... okay. We hustled over to Gate 9. It said we were in the right place YES. We went for a bathroom break, returned and they’d changed it to Gate 3... no big deal it was close but that’s annoying as hell.

We went to Gate 3 where we waited for an eternity. It got to the departure time and it didn’t say delayed and I was thinking... “did we miss the announcement?“ So I asked and the worker stated we would now depart at 11:30pm (original time was 10:15pm). A few moments later they declared the flight was delayed and that “the boarding time would be announced later.”

Well at this time I began to panic as we were supposed to have a driver pick us up at the airport at 11:30pm and I didn’t have anyway to call him and say we would be late. I don’t have a working phone number (in China or US), so I also do not have service to message Corey and let him know. So I had to buy internet for an hour just to Facetime him to figure out the ride situation. He assured me the driver would wait, and I was glad he knew we would be late.

So I went to get water and literally this airport is shut down almost completely. I saw this guy looking at a vending machine confused and two chicks giggling at him as he walked away. Stupid me tried two times to get a drink out of that thing, and it ate my money. God damn it. We finally found a place open so I got some water dinner (2 chocolate bars if I’m going to be completely honest here) and tried to chill out. We get back to terminal 3 and WHAT they changed our gate AGAIN to 202. At this point I’m externally about to scream, as this nice Chinese man asked if we were also going to Hefei. We said yes. He told us that he asked what was going on and the plane we were taking wouldn’t be there until about 11:30pm... so at this point we knew it would be awhile, but at least we knew something!

We thanked him for the info and ventured our asses back to Gate 202 area, and finally about 12:15am they announced we were boarding. The whole gate let out a cheer. I’m pretty sure I yelled “FUCK YEAH”, but 6 one way a half dozen the other right? We boarded and no sooner do they said that they had no idea when we would be leaving but they’d “update soon.” Well, the are lying liar heads. In an hour they repeated the same announcement. Since they are lying liar heads, and I was exhausted of their lies, I briefly passed out. I awoke at 2am when they finally said we were leaving. YAHOO!

I tried to finally get shut eye... mind you we’ve traveled over a day so far and I’ve only slept 2.5 hours (1.5 according to fit bit). Well the turbulence was so bad they the attendant woke me up and made me put my seat up... So that was a no go.

We finally arrived in Hefei, and and played the baggage game all over again. Our poor driver had been waiting since 11:30pm (it’s now 3:30am)... and helped us pack our bags into the car. He’s the real MVP in this story.

We safely arrived at the hotel at 4:17am.... Where we ended our travel fun with a broken trolley to haul our luggage upstairs. The concierge asked me where I was coming from and I said NY, and he asked “Is that why you’re wearing slippers.” ... they were flip flops haha.

It is tough feeling out of control and having such a language barrier with those who know what’s happening. Looking back, this is all hilarious and truthfully just a string of bad luck and weather. I was thankful to have someone with me to laugh with and keep me sane. We also met a few people along the way who were kind when we needed it most.

I’ll keep these memories to look back on when I think I’m having a “bad day.” I’m thankful I won’t be making that journey for another 6 months. Needless to say I slept 13 hours straight when I got home. I DID NOT MOVE my position at all or wake up once.

[asuitcaseofmemories]

American Reject

In three days I’ll be back in the USA for a 3 week trip. I have mixed feelings about it because I reallyyy love it here in China. So thought I’d blog about all the things I miss about “home” to pump me up. 

Breathing air that isn’t slowly killing me. Seriously go outside and take a deep ass breath. Appreciate that shit, because there are many people in the world that will never know how that feels.

Wegmans. They’re the #1 supermarket in the world and that is in NO way debatable do you understand me? You can find me in aisle 4 crying on the floor when I’m home. Obviously because I can read the labels, and I know where everything is... but also because I’ll be eating a large roast beef sub. You’d cry over this too you judgemental piece of shit.

Dunkin Donuts... You don’t realize how addicted you’re to something until it’s gone. Starbucks is here but, it’s not the same. When those tires hit the tarmac at Elmira Airport... I���m getting some, stat. 

Plain bagel with cream cheese from Heavenly Cup. NO BAGEL IS BETTER. Argue and I’ll cut you.

Ordering my “hangover special” from Wendy’s. No, I won’t tell you what it is because no other human would order so much food. Okay this turned into a food blog quicker than I expected.

Walking up to a bar and being able to communicate what kind of mixed drink I want. I’ve been living on shitty watered down beer here. SOS.

Pedestrians having the right away. Even with a red light you’re not safe and essentially every day is like Frogger. But yay for increased reflexes.

Turning signals. These little life saving instruments appear to be hidden in all of China. I think they replaced them with horns. Beep beep mother fucker, just because I’m in the right turning lane doesn’t mean I’m not crossing six lanes of traffic to turn left. Obviously.

Dryer sheets. This invention isn’t available here. I. am. not. kidding. Everyone here dries their clothing by hanging it out their windows. I have assimilated and am using the air drying method. Although, Hefei’s air shrinks clothes. It’s totally true and has nothing to do with me eating everything.

My cat Savannah. She is pretty much a goddess and if you had a goddess in your family you’d miss her too.

My family, which has grown by a whole person since I have left and that’s a heck of a lot. Must cuddle babies.

Safe drinking water. I can’t wait to chug it all. Also nothing beats being able to open your mouth in the shower and not worry about the consequences of shitting your pants.

Going to Jellybeans for breakfast and seeing everyone else you know equally hungover.

Fringe Hairdressers, because honestly ya’ll your girl is looking a hot mess right now. I can hardly order coffee without people being like bitch what?! Expecting me to explain how I need these hairs done to someone who has NEVER SEEN BLONDE HAIR? The fuck.

Recycling. You have to drink bottled water here, something I never do at home. It’s making me feel like a real pile of garbage. Literally.

Sugar. The US puts sugar in everything... not so much here. Nothing tastes the same, especially desserts.

Being able to buy a book in English.

Strangers not being interested in my existence. 3 weeks of people not taking pics and videos of me paparazzi style. Can I get a hell yes.

Market Street in general. That place is glorious. Give me: a Cannoli and Cheese Board from Cugini’s, Calamari and a pint of craft beer from Gaffer, Garlic Knots from Ricos, Rice Cakes and a glass of red from Hand and Foot, Pink Lady sushi from Wild Ginger, Fund for Women and Chicken and Waffles from The Cellar, Espresso Martini with Firecracker Shrimp (and girl talk with Ivy) from Tony Rs, Cake Pop and Bubble Tea, Espresso Mocha Madness from Soul Full Cup, Mooney’s Mac and Cheese, a specialty pizza from Atlas, an Eggplant Parm Sub from Aniellos, and last but not least... good tunes, Vinny, and a Moscow Mule from Volo. We are a food mecca, truly.

“The Lake.” Don’t ask me which one. You know they’re all “the lake,” stop asking me dumb questions (But really... the one with the wine, and Three Goats and Grist Iron Breweries, idiot).

My backyard and all the animals that come visit me (obviously real life Cinderella).

Clothes that fit a body that was certainly not made in China.

Being able to use FB, Twitter, Insta, Google, Snapchat, Gmail, etc without the Great Firewall of China interfering.

Okay this blog made me feel like a real life American fatty. Adios.

[asuitcaseofmemories]

A Modern Day Nutcase Living in a Hotel

When you live in a hotel, reality seems to go out the window. I’ve always loved hotels, I mean really, who doesn’t? One of my favorite feelings in the world is opening the door to see what fun is waiting behind. After 6 months of key swiping though, that magic kind of dissipated.

Here are some random thoughts I’ve had while staying here:

Like honestly, I can’t believe they stopped giving me free chocolates.

”Good morning Mrs. Hmiel!” ... who is that and why do they know my name?

Hears housekeeping in the hallway, runs to hit the “do not disturb” not because I’m naked or anything.

A smiling man enters the elevator after being at the Spa, “how was your happy ending sir?”

Nothing makes me feel like more of a lazy piece of shit than sitting on the couch at 3pm, turning up the TV volume, while the housekeeper cleans around me... 3x a week. 

THIS IS A NON SMOKING FLOOR YOU SWINE.

Doing laundry even though I can get it done for free “I am the backbone of this family.”

Did that person just spit on the floor??? Yep, I guess so. Twice for good measure.

”You mean I get a buffet for breakfast and dinner, plus afternoon tea time for FREE?!” ... 6 months later: if I see another piece of watermelon I’m going to lose it.

Laying in a giant bubble bath, “OMG what if my tub fell through into the room below.”

Oh how cute, they arranged my fruit into a smiley.

Is someone else going to water this plant? If not, consider it dead.

It is totally fitting that I have to hit the button “magic” on my phone for room service.

I wonder why that building’s roof has graffiti saying “I <3 U” and why haven’t I seen any other graffiti here?

Girl sketchily enters the elevator “she’s a call girl.” ... girl waits to press a floor button until someone else swipes their room key... “I knew I was right.”

Okay, I won’t wear my slippers to breakfast, but you can’t make me brush my hair. 

Ordering a vodka soda at the bar, and the bartender asks “double?” when he knows damn well I almost died last time..“No Satan, I’ll take a single.”

My washing machine loudly plays a Christmas tune when it’s finished... doing late night laundry like “WOULD YA SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

Seeing someone passed out drunk in the lobby at 9pm. “It’s too early for that. Grow up Peter Pan.”

Someone sees me coming for the elevator and doesn’t hold it “You’re getting a swirly if I see you again.”

Carrying in 15 bags of groceries, Concierge asks if he can deliver them to my room, “NO I’M AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN. Actually.. would you mind?”

Guy upstairs has a hooker over and his room phone is ringing off the hook at 2am “If he doesn’t STFU he’s getting an American ass whoopin.” Next day it sounds like they’re remodeling the room and I’m like WHAT HAPPENED UP THERE.

Making dinner on a hot plate with no exhaust singing “burning down the house.”

Playing charades with my housekeeper daily because we speak different languages, so we just talk in our own languages knowing full well the other can’t understand. “We are best friends.”

”I’m going to take the stairs down and be healthy”... opens 1st floor door and it opens into the kitchen “wtf... abort mission, abort mission” ... runs upstairs.

The same workers are here from 6am until past 8pm everyyyy day “Do you ever sleep? Are you a vampire? Do you eat? Do you live here? I have questions.”

Anything out of the ordinary happens “THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED. PEOPLE DIED HERE.”

Sits down at breakfast and the waitress brings me coffee before I ask. “Will you marry me.”

WIFI connection strength: strong .... Me screaming, “Then fucking acttttt like it.”

Goes to friends room that has the same layout but everything is reversed, “this is wrong; this is all very wrong.”

Sees bunnies in the lobby during Easter OMG BUNNIESSSSS. Next day when they’ve disappeared, “If they made them into soup I swear to god....”

Finding out that I’m not actually controlling the temperature in my room, even though I thought I was “my whole life is a lie.”

[asuitcaseofmemories]

Toilet Training for Adults

There are many “warnings” given to you when you say that you’re moving to China. Literally, don’t listen to any of them.  The subject that isn’t given enough warning is the differences in western bathrooms and bathrooms in Asia. If you’re a seasoned traveler, this isn’t for you. If you’ve never visited Asia (and some other areas of the world), the bathroom scene may be more than a shock to you.

First of all, you’re not sitting on toilets anymore, you’re squatting. Think of that time when you were really drunk at that party in a field and you REALLY had to go, so you sucked it up and squatted outside. Kind of similar, except hopefully with enough practice you won’t pee on your legs/feet, not that I ever did that.  (see picture for photo of the toilet).

Here's my best pieces of advice:

 Put your feet on the part that is ridged or bumpy to avoid slipping and pray your foot doesn't fucking wind up in the toilet

 Pull your bottoms all the way down, and use your hands to pull them forward toward your face as you squat your ass closer toward the floor. Some people take off their pants entirely but I am far too lazy for that shit

 If you're peeing you aim at the hole (sometimes there is a lip above it but not always)-if you're shitting face either way just pray to the porcelain god you don't shit ON THE FLOOR

 Bring your own TP. This is not a joke, 95% of places don't provide TP so carry it with you at all times. Even nice restaurants and malls don't necessarily provide it. You'll see that many people put their TP in the waste basket, depending on who you ask they'll say you have to and others say it's okay to flush. Your guess is as good as mine.

 Flush the toilet: look for a foot petal, a button, or sometimes a bucket full of water that you manually scoop out to “flush” it.

 Congratulations, you’ve survived, hopefully not covered in pee. Go find yourself a margarita.

Other things to be aware of:

Hand washing: Sometimes sinks don’t work. Don’t expect hot water or even luke warm, it’s not happening. 99% of the time there is not soap. There will also not be any hand towels or hand dryers. Get used to drip drying. These things are a luxury here for sure.

EVERY once in awhile you can find a handicap bathroom with a western style toilet. This can be a dream after leg day, or if you’re wearing heels. Just be aware that the locals still squat on these (meaning feet on the seat), and as a result the toilet seat may be missing, broken, or lose. Be careful.

Bring antibacterial with you. It can be difficult to find here, and their cleaning standards aren’t always best.

BE WARNED: not all bathroom stalls have doors, or even walls for that matter. I have been in many that didn’t. If you have an umbrella you can use that as a privacy shield. Sometimes the bathroom “stalls” will just be partial walls maybe waist high, just high enough that when you’re peeing you’re not looking at the next person’s ass. Usually these style toilets are just a connected trench with little walls up, with no flush as things run “down hill.” I have heard of toilets that are just open holes with no walls up around so you’re just going freely next to one another (I haven’t stumbled on one yet- but they exist).

Tampons are not a thing here. If you plan on using them you’ll have to bring them with you from home or you’ll be using pads. If you do find them here (unlikely) they will be VERY expensive.

DON’T touch the walls in the stalls... Maybe in the future I’ll blog my story about why... it’s pretty funny and also will make you wanna vom.

Honestly, it’s all part of the experience. I don’t think twice about it anymore. I know some people that try to dehydrate themselves so they don’t go when they’re out, but that’s not my cup of tea. If I gotta go, you can bet your ass I’m going.

I CANT BELIEVE MY SECOND BLOG WAS ABOUT POTTY TRAINING ADULTS

[asuitcaseofmemories]

Here’s a pic of a monkey at Hefei Wildlife Park, in severe need of a mani-pedi.

[asuitcaseofmemories]

Ayeee Hefei

You probably think I accidentally typed Hefei, because that’s not a real word, right? Well, you’re wrong. Hefei is a massive city in China whose population boasts a strong 7 mill. Bet ya feel dumb now.

Hefei is where my suitcase is located, and non-coincidentally, I am as well. I’ll be here for at least another year (unless one of these crazy bus drivers finally take me out). I’m considered an “expat” or as a non-expat would say, someone who moved the hell away and now is living in another country. Some move over politics, others for love, exploration, work, to escape... I’d say love is what brought me here, and work brought my husband.

We packed up our shit and have been living in a hotel for the past 6 months. WHAT a hotel? That must suck huh? No, no, and no. It’s like a mini apartment, I don’t have to clean, get free buffets, discounts at the bar and room service, and don’t even have to do my laundry if I don’t want to. It’s a pretty sweet deal, but like ew yeah it totally sucks. The people here are wonderful so it’s the WORST.

I decided to write this blog so my friends and family would stop telling me to write one. If you’re looking for some travel blog full of luxurious adventures, hit the escape button because this isn’t it. If you want brutal honesty about what it’s like to submerge yourself in another culture, by someone who absolutely does doesn’t know what the fuck they’re doing, follow along. It’s going to be a hell of a ride.

(Also, this is probably the longest post I’ll ever write without the word fuck, so don’t get used to this shit).