#its complicated. its complicated. its extremely stupidly complicated

[mayfay-analysis]

Danny's Medical Complications

Or: I had an idea and it won’t leave (and unfortunately I can’t do dialogue to save my life)

It started simple enough, a quick visit to Frostbite for a general checkup. And then it kept going. New machines, techniques, people, and an increasingly worried yeti was starting to freak Danny out a bit. Eventually it all went away and Frostbite set him down for A Talk.

See, Halfas are hella rare for a reason. The conditions needed to form them are really rare yes, but they aren’t the Main problem. No the main issue is the Disparity. Ghosts are beings of emotions, sufficient stress, emotional/mental harm, lack of ecto, and more can all lead to death. And Halfas crank that up to 11. They have a human side to take care of that’s constantly changing and growing, a higher ecto requirement to fuel their higher base strength, and a myriad of other minor complications that haven’t been properly studied cause Halfas are rarely found and usually don’t form ghosts on death

Say what

What do you mean “don’t form a ghost” they’re already half way there!

And there lies the problem, they’re halfway there. Ghosts are pretty static. they might change yes, but it’s usually due to major events or over the course of eons. And how do they decide on what they’re gonna be? By dying of course! Once the body dies its ghost is formed based on the current life situation and they move on. Simple, quick, easy. No complications here no siree!

Enter Halfas

They already died, and while infant ghosts and experience some major changes as they settle it’s nothing to the degree humans do. And as time passes the static ghost half and changing human half can drift, wobbling on that line between life and death. And once it gets to extreme? They fall. If the ghost half starves or dies the human half experiences Major health complications, leading to death shortly after. If the human side dies they try to form a ghost using all the ambient ecto the ghost side has been feeding on, leading to the ghosts death in most cases but if not they’re practically two different beings and fusing them will kill both anyways.

Good news though! With all the combat and rediculously high ecto levels Danny was exposed to to form his other half, his ghost side has stayed pretty adaptable! The other ghosts didn’t realize they were fighting a literal infant thanks to the high ecto levels he had (and the knowledgeable ones that Did had other reasonings the meant a little smack down they totally wouldn’t lose was an acceptable trade off for them). Horrifying, he will spend the next century finding all sorts of animal pelts, boxes, music tracks, etc landing on him in the middle of the night. But it has a silver lining! Thanks to not being allowed to settle Danny can still shape his ghost form to a degree. And Clockwork, brilliant old man that he is, has an Idea on how to fix this.

Great! Lay it on him Clockwork! What’s he gotta do? Get de-aged and die? Ha Ha! You sure know how to make a good joke old man-child, now what’s the real way?

Oh

Oh no

Danny Can form a ghost on death, but it’ll require dying while as mentally and physically similar to how he was when the portal closed. Problem there, he’s changed. He’s changed a Good Bit. Luckily Clockwork can handle the physical aspect but Desiree needs some extra time for her end. See, she Can change brain chemistry and whatnot, but it takes time to become permanent. A quick fix like her usual work is fragile (lies, it’s still stupidly powerful but forming a ghost relies on the persons deepest core, and that takes time to settle in to Desiree’s magic). So they just have to de-age Danny to an appropriate age where once he hits around the age he was when the portal closed Desiree’s magic will have settled, molding his personality/core to as close as they can be.

And then he has to die.

Doesn’t have to be as extreme as the portal incident was (in fact new factors like major doses of ecto would be a Very bad idea, his malleable ghost side is already pushing the limits with the minor variation he’ll already have) but it Does need to be in an area with high levels of ambient ecto, preferably his new hometown to match his current life’s lack of geographic movement.

He’ll also need to have his ghost half locked away to a degree. He’ll still need to be liminal of course, that long term exposure to ecto is needed to fuel a ghosts transformation, but proper ghost powers are getting put away unless Clockwork thinks they’re needed (and if it Does get to that point he’s getting pulled out for a second try anyways).

So where to put him? Well Gotham of course!

Clockwork…. Why are you like this (it’s all for the good of the timeline. And Lady Gotham owes him a favor he prepared just for this)

From there if he ends up in the Bats care (Nasty Burger explosion, Ghost Jazz, or simply not having anyone capable of properly raising him knowing he’ll die at 14) it doesn’t take long for one John Constantine to notice the Heavy Infinite Realms influence on the small child and drag the big bat away for his own Talk (double angst if he’s able to recognize the specific brand of Time Magic indicating a death prophecy). If he ends up under Jazz’s care then it might take a bit longer, but she’ll likely end up tied up in Bat business and from there it wouldn’t take long for a Very stressed Jazz to accidentally reveal something (or a child Danny not realizing “I know when I’m going to Die in excruciating detail!” is Not something you share with strangers, especially not ones as paranoid as the Bats).

Also for loose threads I imagine Ellie is unstable because her ecto is cloned off of Danny, while her human half is its own person. That large disparity usually leads to death (as seen in the other clones) but she’s able to force it off with sheer ecto strength, using the ecto shots as fuel to Force her body to stay together until they reach an inevitable conclusion or potentially meld together like Dan does).

As for Dan he’s not Properly a Halfa. I never watched the show so I don’t have all the details but I understand he’s some kinda mix of future Danny and Vlad gone evil and destroying the world. This mix Might be able to last longer than a regular Halfa would due to the insane amounts of ecto he has in his system. And as time passes the mixed ghost halves Could be unstable enough to sort of meld with his human parts, creating something of a Highly unstable ghost-human hybrid (seperate from Halfas since this is a blending of the two, not a distinct line between two halves).

That wouldn’t work with Danny cause it requires a second ghost mixing with him And the two somehow not destabilizing during the years it takes for the blend to settle. And the Ellie route is out since that requires So Much fine control and vigilance over a Very long period of time to slowly manually shape the ghost half to better fit the human half, rather than the other way around like Danny’s doing.

[dennisboobs]

I don’t like Mac at all. I hate that everyone wants to baby him when all he is just selfish and violent. He treats Dennis so awful. His sexual assault towards Dennis and his lack of boundaries isn’t some stupid, goofy guy act because he’s actually just that awful. Dennis doesn’t deserve that. I think if Mac just left Dennis alone then Dennis could finally find some happiness. Your posts are incredible, thank you and I can’t wait to hear more.

well, they're both awful, anon. they go back and forth with it. den treats him like shit too, and it's not like mac always deserves what dennis dishes out either.

I don't dislike mac, although i do have a problem with the way fandom tends to baby him (but this can be said of pretty much every member of the gang, it's just fandom). i actually think dennis wants mac around, he just wants him to be... his friend. instead of having to constantly fend off his advances. they are both incredibly bad for each other, but i don't personally believe that mac leaving dennis alone would improve things. dennis tries over and over again to leave and he always comes to the realization that things are better with the gang than out on his own. he struggles to form connections outside of the gang just as he struggles to form connections inside the gang. the gang will never be able to separate because they are all they have. it's an extremely dysfunctional family, but still a family.

den's "hated" mac since season 9 interestingly a revelation to come after mac's homophobic tirade on mac day, prompting him to say "not only is he ruining my life, but with all this god shit that he's into, he could be ruining my afterlife" which. i'm sure has absolutely nothing to do with anything. especially not after frank vs russia showed us that den's been queer for who knows how long. but aside from a few moments here and there, mac wasn't really actively, intentionally pursuing him until the latter half of season 12 (post-PTSDee when he realizes he's in love with dennis, and then in dennis' double life when he comes up with the plan to fake being in a relationship with him). mac is incredibly impulsive, and the majority of the time, at least before he comes out, i don't think he fully intends to harm dennis (or anyone else), he just. does. he's definitely selfish (as is the rest of the gang), and that leads to unfortunate consequences, but like in chokes, and gets romantic, and dennis' double life, his goal is that he wants dennis to love him back. he isn't explicitly trying to trap dennis, it just sort of happens when the plans don't work out. with the way he changes his plans on the fly i doubt any of it was planned out very far in advance. i think dennis' aversion to change makes him want to try and revert mac to the way he was back when they got along, but he also hates mac lying to himself too. he's the one that pushes mac to come out, over and over, and then says he's happy for mac once he does finally come out. i fully believe the reason the two of them seemed to be doing better in inflates was because with mac "taken", dennis was feeling unthreatened by him, which, ultimately, is what dennis actually wants. for mac to be dating someone else so that his sexual advances are directed elsewhere and dennis can be friends with him again.

[mayfay]

Danny’s Medical Complications

Or: I had an idea and it won’t leave (and unfortunately I can’t do dialogue to save my life)

It started simple enough, a quick visit to Frostbite for a general checkup. And then it kept going. New machines, techniques, people, and an increasingly worried yeti was starting to freak Danny out a bit. Eventually it all went away and Frostbite set him down for A Talk.

See, Halfas are hella rare for a reason. The conditions needed to form them are really rare yes, but they aren’t the Main problem. No the main issue is the Disparity. Ghosts are beings of emotions, sufficient stress, emotional/mental harm, lack of ecto, and more can all lead to death. And Halfas crank that up to 11. They have a human side to take care of that’s constantly changing and growing, a higher ecto requirement to fuel their higher base strength, and a myriad of other minor complications that haven’t been properly studied cause Halfas are rarely found and usually don’t form ghosts on death

Say what

What do you mean “don’t form a ghost” they’re already half way there!

And there lies the problem, they’re halfway there. Ghosts are pretty static. they might change yes, but it’s usually due to major events or over the course of eons. And how do they decide on what they’re gonna be? By dying of course! Once the body dies its ghost is formed based on the current life situation and they move on. Simple, quick, easy. No complications here no siree!

Enter Halfas

They already died, and while infant ghosts and experience some major changes as they settle it’s nothing to the degree humans do. And as time passes the static ghost half and changing human half can drift, wobbling on that line between life and death. And once it gets to extreme? They fall. If the ghost half starves or dies the human half experiences Major health complications, leading to death shortly after. If the human side dies they try to form a ghost using all the ambient ecto the ghost side has been feeding on, leading to the ghosts death in most cases but if not they’re practically two different beings and fusing them will kill both anyways.

Good news though! With all the combat and rediculously high ecto levels Danny was exposed to to form his other half, his ghost side has stayed pretty adaptable! The other ghosts didn’t realize they were fighting a literal infant thanks to the high ecto levels he had (and the knowledgeable ones that Did had other reasonings the meant a little smack down they totally wouldn’t lose was an acceptable trade off for them). Horrifying, he will spend the next century finding all sorts of animal pelts, boxes, music tracks, etc landing on him in the middle of the night. But it has a silver lining! Thanks to not being allowed to settle Danny can still shape his ghost form to a degree. And Clockwork, brilliant old man that he is, has an Idea on how to fix this.

Great! Lay it on him Clockwork! What’s he gotta do? Get de-aged and die? Ha Ha! You sure know how to make a good joke old man-child, now what’s the real way?

Oh

Oh no

Danny Can form a ghost on death, but it’ll require dying while as mentally and physically similar to how he was when the portal closed. Problem there, he’s changed. He’s changed a Good Bit. Luckily Clockwork can handle the physical aspect but Desiree needs some extra time for her end. See, she Can change brain chemistry and whatnot, but it takes time to become permanent. A quick fix like her usual work is fragile (lies, it’s still stupidly powerful but forming a ghost relies on the persons deepest core, and that takes time to settle in to Desiree’s magic). So they just have to de-age Danny to an appropriate age where once he hits around the age he was when the portal closed Desiree’s magic will have settled, molding his personality/core to as close as they can be.

And then he has to die.

Doesn’t have to be as extreme as the portal incident was (in fact new factors like major doses of ecto would be a Very bad idea, his malleable ghost side is already pushing the limits with the minor variation he’ll already have) but it Does need to be in an area with high levels of ambient ecto, preferably his new hometown to match his current life’s lack of geographic movement.

He’ll also need to have his ghost half locked away to a degree. He’ll still need to be liminal of course, that long term exposure to ecto is needed to fuel a ghosts transformation, but proper ghost powers are getting put away unless Clockwork thinks they’re needed (and if it Does get to that point he’s getting pulled out for a second try anyways).

So where to put him? Well Gotham of course!

Clockwork…. Why are you like this (it’s all for the good of the timeline. And Lady Gotham owes him a favor he prepared just for this)

From there if he ends up in the Bats care (Nasty Burger explosion, Ghost Jazz, or simply not having anyone capable of properly raising him knowing he’ll die at 14) it doesn’t take long for one John Constantine to notice the Heavy Infinite Realms influence on the small child and drag the big bat away for his own Talk (double angst if he’s able to recognize the specific brand of Time Magic indicating a death prophecy). If he ends up under Jazz’s care then it might take a bit longer, but she’ll likely end up tied up in Bat business and from there it wouldn’t take long for a Very stressed Jazz to accidentally reveal something (or a child Danny not realizing “I know when I’m going to Die in excruciating detail!” is Not something you share with strangers, especially not ones as paranoid as the Bats).

Also for loose threads I imagine Ellie is unstable because her ecto is cloned off of Danny, while her human half is its own person. That large disparity usually leads to death (as seen in the other clones) but she’s able to force it off with sheer ecto strength, using the ecto shots as fuel to Force her body to stay together until they reach an inevitable conclusion or potentially meld together like Dan does).

As for Dan he’s not Properly a Halfa. I never watched the show so I don’t have all the details but I understand he’s some kinda mix of future Danny and Vlad gone evil and destroying the world. This mix Might be able to last longer than a regular Halfa would due to the insane amounts of ecto he has in his system. And as time passes the mixed ghost halves Could be unstable enough to sort of meld with his human parts, creating something of a Highly unstable ghost-human hybrid (seperate from Halfas since this is a blending of the two, not a distinct line between two halves).

That wouldn’t work with Danny cause it requires a second ghost mixing with him And the two somehow not destabilizing during the years it takes for the blend to settle. And the Ellie route is out since that requires So Much fine control and vigilance over a Very long period of time to slowly manually shape the ghost half to better fit the human half, rather than the other way around like Danny’s doing.

[shuttershocky]

If you don't mind me asking, I'd be curious to hear more about FGO's writing having higher peaks than AK's. Do you suppose this is due to the different writing focuses the games have, or is it more of an inherent thing with their writing in general and AK is worse at doing peaks?

It's the experience gap IMO. Nasu's been doing this since the 90s, and in the occasion that FGO has him be lead on a chapter, the writing just pops off hard (unless it's one of the Year 1 events lol) The other writers often have brilliant flashes as well, though are a bit more inconsistent.

The strength of Arknights' writing is its crazy consistency. Barring the first 4 main story chapters, their stories range from 'Good' to 'Very Good' with only Ancient Forge really feeling like a mediocre event. Characters are three dimensional, likable, stupidly sexy and competently done. There's always a thematic narrative following the actual plot. They do SO much research when writing out their fantasy world because they mean it to reflect part of ours and that will create messages. Its writing choices are often brave or interesting, and require the reader to engage with it actively rather than through passive consumption. There is generally always meaning to what you're reading, which is helpful for attention when Arknights really likes to make horrifically long cutscenes.

If I had to try to summarize the weaknesses of Arknights' writing, I think I'd list the following:

Dialogue — You could really tell Kal'tsit was Hai Mao's Deviantart OC that he built Terra from scratch for. She speaks in overly-long, overly-complicated speech as a hint to how old and experienced she actually is, but a whole fuck ton of other characters speak that way too to a lesser extent.

Over time they've gotten better at creating unique voices for characters who engage in more natural conversation, but Terra remains a continent inhabited by philosophers.

Moving from Point A to B — This is a very simple and yet very pervasive problem in Arknights' storytelling: it's often easy to get lost in what's happening, because they're often not very good in telling the reader how they got there.

Occasionally too-frequent POV switches, complex movements from an extremely large cast without enough words dedicated to described movements (thus giving time to cement them into the reader's mind), HG even sometimes just brushes off the idea of scenes acting as connective tissue entirely and just barrage the player with happenings upon happenings like a history book.

Now I'm personally fine with this as I've been somewhat okay keeping up so far, but there's a reason why I often make posts that create a timeline or otherwise simplify certain events or arcs. I can see how this shit could get even avid readers lost.

Finales - Hypergryph is real brave when it comes to picking between easy narrative choices and more interesting, complex ones, but certain events love to chicken out at the grand finale. HG don't seem to have a lot of confidence in their audience finding someone they build up from scratch as cool, and HAVE to throw in someone explicitly stated to be cool. See: Maria and Margaret, Mountain and Saria, Lava and Nian (though personally I thought Who is Real was better about this), etc.

If Chapter 8 had Amiya's parents bail her out, we wouldn't have gotten this raw dialogue.

"I see you. You've fought the past Sarkaz kings. You fear them. You fear me."

"Face me, Deathless Black Snake."

___

[ob4yme]

🍒 for ibring1ife and timedten /anonymous clearly pfft

send me 🍒 (or cherry)  +  a url and i will write some positivity for them.

i put this under a cut because it's very long, some might say stupidly long, and extremely emotional. don't worry about it. @ibring1ife @timedten

look. i started getting properly close with you two when i was going through a really hard time. i won't go into it too much but i was in the miserable place of figuring out how to move forward after looking a lot of really difficult, uncomfortable truths straight in the eye. i felt very much unworthy of any care at all, but you both showed me so much kindness and understanding anyway. you listened, you offered your support, you watched shows with me and played games with me and made me laugh when i felt, the dramatic bitch that i am, like i would struggle to ever find a reason to smile again. i know it hasn't been too long since we all started talking, but you both mean a lot to me. you really did get me through, and i'll be forever grateful for that. (i know i come on a little strong, i know i'm a little too affectionate sometimes... that's kinda why. sorry lol)

seren, you are a treasure. i have such admiration for your artistic skill, for the creative's approach you take to the world and to the media you consume. i love reading your analysis, the quotes you send me from the books you're currently reading - i love your passion for literature and for women who are allowed to be complicated and angry and something more than human. i respect your boundless kindness, the love you always have to give, and your strong moral fibre. i love your deliberate use of metaphor and envy your keen aesthetic eye. know, today and everyday, that you are valued, cared for, and this tardis team would be worse off without you.

darian, you are BRILLIANT! god, i admired you so much for the longest time before we ever got to really talking and that opinion has only strengthened now that we've gotten to know each other properly. you're always so much fun to hang with, whether it's stardew or farscape or literally just sitting on the phone shit talking steven moffat for an hour. your edits are gorgeous, too, and you positively channel the doctor in your writing, which is itself so unique, unlike anything i've seen in all my years in the rpc. your laughter is infectious, your excitement a joy to be around - you genuinely brighten my days, and your adventurous willingness to go with me on the wildest tangents is so appreciated.

one of my favourite things about rp is weaving interconnected stories, and what we've all developed is a prime example of exactly why. i feel so deeply invested in our plotting because it's so rich and expansive and thoughtful, because the arc of it is so satisfying, because you both bring such insightful takes on your muses every time. it feels like taking this medium to its extreme, and i'm always pushed to do my best writing with you.

i've been rambling entirely too long but to close i just want to say that i hope you both know how special you are. seriously. this world is better for having you in it, and if ever you forget that or are struggling to believe it, you know where to find me. <3

[jiraikwei]

pet peeve

sorry this post just turns into insane ranting garble i start sounding like im 12 , theres nothing of substance to read

this is something insanely stupid and even hypocritical of me to get annoyed at , but i absolutely cannot stand it when people online pretend like they're more mentally ill than they are . i hate when people put some sort of mental illness wordsalad in their bios like ' jirai ' , ' landmine girl ' , ' menhera ' i hate when people obviously try to act like ame / kangel after playing NSO or some other fictional character when they were absolutely nothing like them before . they practically brag about being mentally ill and then only showcase the same 5 symptoms that are insanely fetishized and none of the 100 others that aren't as ' cute ' . it makes me lose my mind . it feels like such a disgusting mockery it makes me want to rip my skin open . i cant stand even imagining anyone could see these shitty obvious yandere larp posts and put op on the same level as someone whos actually struggling . just this unbridled rage festers inside of me you dont know what its like stop fucking quoting anime characters so you can achieve some aesthetic go fuck yourself

i hate it because i hate myself and i hate the things i do , witnessing someone grift on the KAWAII DESU symptoms while im on a private twitter account typing the most disgusting unforgivable things i can possibly conjure up about the people i love because of how angry i feel over something so idiotically , stupidly minuscule like an actual fucking child . i cant make a single friend in my life because im genuinely so terrified of people and their intentions with me that when i somehow make a friend i genuinely think that they're only playing some long con because they want to ruin my life . im so lonely but i legitimately cannot handle having friends because they can say ANYTHING and my mind will twist it to some insane act of pure hatred against me and then my hands are shaking and i cant focus on anything for the next few hours and i cant stop crying and cutting myself and im planning extensively how to tell them i cant be friends with them because i just cant take it anymore and oh nevermind suddenly im fine again . but at the same time if someones too nice all the time my fucking brain will start losing interest in them because apparently i NEED them to pull away from me and be a fucking asshole to me because im some sort of insane emotional masochist !!! i cant speak my mind with anyone even if they're obviously in the wrong and being mean to me when ive done nothing because i just know they're going to leave if i reciprocate with any sort of pushback so i just ghost them instead which makes the situation even more complicated or i have some sort of tantrum where i accuse them of the most schizotypal shit instead of actually discussing it like a normal person . its actually indescribable how embarassing it is to retain that " my parents didnt buy me candy so they hate me " mindset from when i was 8 years old all the way until 15 . and everything with me has to be some sort of extreme . i cant even like something normally i have to be obsessed with it to an emotionally deteriorating degree . i cant feel somewhat bad about something it had to feel like my world is ending and that ill never be happy again . why am i fucking feeling like this because of the sub count of a VTUBER . and then all of life is just a cycle of yearning for shit and feeling bad for myself " why cant i do this why cant i be better at this you can either be bad or a prodigy and im not a prodigy and i dont care if im 15 i need to be better than 28 year olds at this or else im a total fucking failure " and i fucking bet you if i would ever reach that prodigy status i would feel absolutely nothing about it and my brain would latch unto the next thing to feel bad about " ok well im not good at * that * i need to be good at * that * it doesnt matter if im good at * this * anyone can be good at * this * i need to be good as * that * as well " . it is legitimately either all or nothing with me and i cant stand either of those options . i hate feeling empty and i hate being obsessed with someone to the point of emotional spiraling 5 times a day but there can never be an inbetween option . im intensely angry about everything

and the most insanely retarded part about all of this , is that given the choice i wouldnt want to get better . this is all that i am . i am nothing without this disorder . if i dont have this disorder nobody will care about me or be gentle with me anymore . i will forever mentally be a child that only wants someone to take care of them and if i dont have this disorder there will be nothing to take care of . nobody will care . but heres the kicker ; nobody cares already . strangers are gentle with me because i have a sad look in my eyes but thats all there is . i just cant bring myself to actually talk about what i go through . all anyone sees is that im energetic and then suddenly sad within an single second interval or that i just stare ahead at shit like a zoo animal or that i cut myself sometimes . i cant even fully bring up and elaborate on extremely heavy topics that i go through on twitter or on this blog because it feels so wrong to imagine someone connecting something as dark as that with * me * . i want attention but i dont talk about shit . i dont want to talk about shit . i already utterly despise seeing the look people get in their faces when they somehow catch a glimpse at my sh scars or for gods sake fucking mentions it to me " dont do that to yourself " please dont worry about me and make me feel like a horrible burden when im trying my hardest to seem okay so i can be an enjoyable person to be around . having a person worried about someone as disgustingly rotted , parasitic and inhuman as me is the worst thing to inflect on someone , its like feeling bad for a dying cockroach . i mean just read the first part of this ramble to see how shitty of a person i am where i exaggerate my symptoms to make myself look like i suffer more than other people and put down anyone who dares to express their symptoms differently

its over for me

[xiakha]

FFXIVWrite 2023 Prompt #30 - Amity

What was G'raha Tia's relationship with the Warrior of Light?

...It was something he'd rather leave analysis to the scholars of the future. Let them ponder the invisible bounds that joined their souls and fates together. Let them ruminate over the meaning behind the words written, said, and left unsaid. He hoped the scholarly papers devoted to speculation and discourse when his body was long dust and his aether fully returned to the Lifestream were plentiful and heated.

He'd personally rather not think about it in the same way he'd rather not think of death or what he looked like if he kept gorging himself at the Last Stand every night.

But if hard pressed and well sauced after a few drinks...

It was complicated. Layered. Knotty. Of course it was. How could it not? It was like cleaning up after a library of stacked papers and tomes had all of its shelves knocked over.

Where to start?

In the beginning, he was foolish enough to believe himself capable of keeping abreast with Xiao. He certainly saw himself at least her mental equal, if not better, so, even though his shoulders weren't nearly as broad as hers, he could at least lift his own weight. Sure, Xiao could easily lift whatever was considered his own weight and her own weight at the same time, but the principle was there.

In his youth he thought a lot about principles and how things should be instead of how things were. Of course he did. He could barely look himself in the reflection without the thought of his future and his fate hanging over him. Spending almost twenty years learning and researching your way to one far flung goal because your eye's as red as Dalamud does that to a guy.

He recognized how foolish and wastefully self sacrificial it was now, but he had stupidly thought it impressive then. It was a Big Deal. Most brooding characters could harp on about their tragic past, but how many had tragic futures? It wasn't until he left Sharlayan and met Xiao that he started to realize how silly it sounded.

Ah but the sunk costs he had incurred blinded him at that time to any semblance of reasonableness. To back out was to say the last twenty or so years he spent focusing his will to this one goal was all barking up the wrong tree. He was chained by his past to follow through to a future he was equally chained to. There were no choices to make.

Whereas Xiao, with so many choices in front of her, so many choices that she had already made, some she regretted, some she would make over and over again, she was special to G'raha. She was doing what he could never imagine himself doing, what he dared not imagine himself doing. It was from this that his admiration, idolization, and horrid crush stemmed. How many times did he watch her walk away from the Sons of Saint Coinach camp wishing he could follow? How often did he want to walk away from his own tired talking points, no matter how "true" they were, and just agree with Xiao to abandon it all?

In the end, it was well that he did not.

Two hundred years asleep, another hundred constantly awake. Immediately after waking, he did all he could to brush up on history, to attempt to catch himself up. He spent an unhealthy amount of that time immersed in the two hundred years of mythologizing the Warrior of Light: her exploits, accomplishments, affairs, real, remixed, or imagined wholecloth. He ached to have joined her, ached to have rewritten the past so that he broke the chains that bound him down.

Yet he also chained himself to another future, a more desperate, impossible future that relied on man made miracles and unimaginable odds. He would thread a needle a shard away with the Crystal Tower itself. He told himself it was for Xiao, to save her though she was two hundred years dead. His love for her, his hero worship led him such extremes... And yet it was his single minded stubbornness that got him through and let him grit his teeth through the worst of it.

And all of the sudden he was in her presence again. He successfully summoned her. And then his hero worship and hundred-year crush was further complicated by more ends-justifying-the-needs behavior. If he was ever going to convince her that he wasn't the same little shite, well, he wouldn't be able to. He'd be dead after all.

But then she figured it out.

"G'RAHA TIA, YOU FOOL, DON'T DO IT!"

She remembered him.

If he were not shot there and then, perhaps he would have flubbed the incantation anyway and a century of careful planning would have gone horribly to waste. Worse, he could have succeeded, and then how would the encounter with Emet Selch have fared?

After all that, there was a lot of conversation. Much of it awkward, somewhat painful. It helped realign his understanding of the Warrior of Light. G'raha didn't explain his feelings, after a hundred years of living and enduring for someone, how can you? But he was able to disentangle his love for the people of his little nation and his feelings for Xiao, and he recognized how much they had always meant to him, though his eyes were so consistently focused on a distant horizon.

And then his first actual death. He couldn't remember dying but he could remember being close, the feeling of the Crystal Tower devouring his aether. No confession from him at this point either, though it was probably just as likely his memories would not integrate to his former self.

Once back on the Source, it became clear to him that he had waited too long, had he any hope for courting Xiao in any way. It must have been still on the First that they made it official. To see Xiao and Y'shtola so openly holding hands or touching another's shoulder or other simple yet intimate gestures, well, a hundred years of ruling the Crystarium taught him how to smile fondly at the joy of others while swallowing his own worries and concerns. And the more that he and Xiao walked side by side, the less he felt the need to gush about her inwardly. She was no demigod. She achieved the impossible through dogged effort and mindful application of her blade. Slowly but surely, the trust she lost with the half-coerced way she went about the business on the First returned, and she was able to speak with G'raha without that guarded set to her jaw.

It was a quiet night in Sharlayan after visiting the Moon that he finally asked.

"Say, Xiao... I really have to know. Are we friends?"

Xiao put down her sipped glass of liquor and raised one eyebrow at him, "Seriously, G'raha?"

"It's just... after all this time and all that's happened and all that's to come... We never did revisit the last conversation we had before I locked myself away in the Crystal Tower."

She punched him in the shoulder none too lightly, "Daft cully, smart in all ways 'cept what matters."

"...Is that a no?"

"Do y'want it to be a no?"

"I most certainly do not! But there's been just so much between us. You have all the reason to barely tolerate my presence."

"What I barely tolerate is this sort of conversation, ye sapskull git." She chugged the rest of her glass before slamming it down on the table, looking up at G'raha actually teary-eyed. "So much between us, that we've gone through together, and you're still questionin' if'n we're friends?"

G'raha laughed at his own doubts and wiped away his own tears. After all that, it was true.

They were friends.

[red-record-player]

Spilling My GUTS

After releasing her first album SOUR as a teenager and achieving high levels of success, pop star Olivia Rodrigo’s popularity is rapidly burgeoning with the recent release of her second album GUTS, displaying a wide variety of extremely relatable emotions. It may be an understatement to say that the world is hooked. But let’s be honest. The herd mentality can prevent any person from thinking about whether or not a song is really good. Pitchfork's rave reviews of the album, saying that "Rodrigo makes acting stupidly sound so fun you wonder what’s the point of being smart", places my expectations right on top of Mount Everest. So right here, right now, we’re going through the first five songs from the GUTS tracklist and figuring out which songs are worth a listen and which songs should be banned from touching the human ear.

all-american b****

No other song would’ve been a better fit for the first song of this album. All-american b**** tells the tale of a girl who is just simply perfect in an absolutely unattainable way. The song starts with only acoustic guitar and Rodrigo’s soft voice. As the song goes on, the drums and electric guitar hit, showing us a new perspective on the lyrics, making them more sarcastic and angry. As Rodrigo says, women are expected to be “built like a mother and a total machine.” This expectation is extremely contradictory and the anger about an unreachable standard that all women are expected to uphold is a sentiment that virtually every woman has felt. I find this song to be perfect for her demographic of teenage girls, but I don’t think it excludes anyone. With its catchy melody and choruses, anyone could find themselves with this song stuck in their head.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

2. bad idea right?

The song “bad idea right?” tells the familiar tale of going back to your ex despite having already told your friends awful things about him. The heavy guitars and drums really add to the chaotic nature of the song, furthering the theme of knowing that you’re making a mistake but doing something anyway. The way Rodrigo raps the verses is extremely catchy and bouncy. It makes singing along extra fun since you get to copy her style of fun storytelling. The chorus is when the music goes full force, and although I didn’t like the vocals at first since I thought they were a bit one-note (literally), the song has worked its magic on me. I find that Rodrigo’s stylistic choices and vocals really set apart what would’ve been an otherwise boring chorus. I can see why a lot of people like it. However, I genuinely think there are lots of better songs on the album, so this would be pretty low on the list if I were to recommend a song.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐

3. vampire 

Hate me for this if you want, but I’m actually not a fan of this song. I know, I know. It’s on the radio every five minutes. Why would I ever not like it? But hear me out. It’s just so Driver’s License, a song from Rodrigo’s first album that jump-started her popularity. I see the appeal. The premise of the song is Rodrigo’s experience of being treated badly by an older man she was in a relationship with. The music involves a lot of piano background vocal harmonies, and a soft beat. The vocals are great and the music is good, but I don’t find myself drawn to this song. I don’t think it’s all that special, which may be what makes it good to release for the general public, but I’m just not interested.

Rating: ⭐⭐

4. Lacy

Lacy is about a complicated relationship with a girl. Hating her, being jealous of her, and loving her are all on the never-ending list of emotions that Rodrigo feels about her. The light guitar and soft harmonies that build through the song really encapsulate the overall feeling of the song: hiding emotions you don’t quite understand. I love how Rodrigo packs this song with details about her Lacy, describing her as having “skin like puff pastry” and “ribbons in [her] hair”. Lacy is just all too real. She’s so wonderful that you could never be mean to her, but you’re too jealous to ever be nice to her. This song has a lot to offer. The music sets up the lyrics perfectly, and the lyrics draw you in with their expressiveness. I simply can’t hate this song.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

5. ballad of a homeschooled girl

I can very clearly see the vision of this song. For a song about not being able to socialize after being homeschooled, it’s pretty catchy. I love the bass and the guitar. I’d consider it a strength of Rodrigo’s to show us anger and frustration through rock-inspired music. She does this through the chorus, complaining about how every single one of her social interactions is “social suicide.” I’m a fan of the way Rodrigo is showing us more of her “brutal” side, a song from her last album SOUR that got a lot of attention for being extremely catchy and fun. However, the catch with this song is that the verses are just not as good as the chorus is. The lyrics are basic and I don’t love the rapping. Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely not bad. Her rapping is actually surprisingly good in the song, but the music behind the verses is just too empty. There needs to be more of a body to the song, but I still find myself wanting to listen to it anyway.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

From the first five songs, I can really see the growth in Olivia Rodrigo's voice and style. This whole album decided to take a bit more of the pop-punk direction and this definitely suits Rodrigo's vibe. A lot of the choices throughout the album really help showcase her emotions and experiences. GUTS is just so quintessentially teenager that I find it impossible for people to hate, even though the Rolling Stones may have been a bit overzealous to call it an instant classic. From the anger to the sadness, the experience of growing up, making mistakes, and finding yourself has been condensed into this music. It has the potential to help a lot of teenagers feel less alone at a confusing time in their life, or at the very least, show them a good time.

[danpuff-ao3]

2022 round-up

Thanks for the tag @cindle-writes!! I do have fun with these things!

Rules:

Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular),

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year,

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year,

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year,

and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

Tagging: @bluesundaycake, @fleetingdesires, @onbeinganangel, @broomsticks, @vdoshu, @thistlecatfics, @greenmegsnoham, @givereadersahug, @sugareey-makes-stuff, @ashariewrites, @makeitp1nk, @lumosatnight, @swoontodeath & anyone else who wants to join in the fun! (And no pressure to those I've tagged, of course!)

5 Fics

Contempt [Snarry, E, 20k] - (oh yes, THAT'S RIGHT, another opportunity taken to talk about my PRIDE & JOY, my HEART & SOUL, my beloved Contempt.) (Don't look at me, this is Cindle's fault, they tagged me.) Anyway. For the uninitiated. Contempt is the best thing I've ever written ever and is the product of 19 years of Snarry obsession love and untold years preoccupied with the very specific idea of Harry's really complicated, really negative feelings towards Snape. This fic contains every Snarry feel I've ever had. And I'm glad I wasn't able to write it all those years ago, because I definitely didn't have the skill or life experience to do it justice in ye olden days.

A Matter of Time [Snarry, E, 3k.] - the second best fic I've ever written! Yes, my 2 best works came out of 2022. How? Idk. Am I levelling up?? Let's hope so! Anyway: this is an angsty little piece full of my favorite things: tragedy, discovery, judgment, open endings. It was also a bit of a writing challenge, both in the alternating POVs (which I don't often do) and the reverse chronology! Also that last line was a sucker punch to the gut. And the heart. And all other major organs, probably. I'm quite proud of it, I'm not gonna lie. (Also, when AAP was still in Anon stage, my dear friend Nina DMed me all "DANNI, WAS THAT YOU??" Fun times.)

In My Veins (In My Blood) [Snarry, Harry/others, E, 7k] - this one is a dead dove monstrosity, I won't lie to you. It's not even "fun" dead dove. It's genuinely super intense and dark and super messed up. Voldemort wins. Non-con. Humiliation. And more! (Seriously, read the tags on that one.) (I had a dead dove connoisseur comment that of all the extreme dead dove they've read, this was the one that made them sad. Which made me sad. And also a little smug.) (I had to get smug to erase the sads, okay?) Anyway...I don't know. This is really a horrific story that I don't recommend anyone read, but I'm stupidly proud of what I accomplished with it.

Black Skies [Snegulus, Regulus/Sirius, E, 7k.] - Marauders' Era, Regulus POV. Underage, obvious incest. Jealousy! Angst! It was a fun exploration of Regulus' character and how I see him. And exploring 2 Regulus ships I love at the same time. All the wrongness, the complication, the emotion. Oh, and the smut. The smut is very good on this one, not gonna lie. The best part, though, is that one reader told me that this story portrayed an idea I believe strongly in: letting characters be flawed, internally and externally, and giving that respect and admiration. Handling the admission of those flaws with loving hands. That I suceeded here is just like...yes! I do practice what I preach! Can you feel my love?? You CAN? Excellent!

Orange Blossoms [Snarry, T, 3k.] - Snarry + flowers? + courtship? + student/teacher?? Yes please, and thank you. It really began as my desire for Snarry + flowers, and my decision to write a fic for HP Flowers for my own birthday. I was really quite resigned to writing a very simple, short piece for it. But this fic had a mind of its own, and became so much more! Between the floriography, the symbolism, the poetic nature, the Snarry dynamic, the traditions...I don't know, it all sort of came together into a story that made me genuinely happy, and one I was quite pleased with! It's quite bittersweet, a love story set during wartime, and the comforts people turn to in such dire circumstances.

4 WIPs

smile with sweet surprise (chapter 3) [Snarry, Snily, E, WIP] - this story and I have a complicated history, but I'm bound and determined to finish it! Even if it means posting one chapter per year, which looks like it's going to be a real thing and not just a joke. Oops. It's Snarry featuring Stepdad Snape, underage filth, and mega angst. A fun time for all, basically! And with luck chapter 3 will be out next year! I'm feeling mightily inspired after a lovely comment from @inarticulateimbecile!

Magic in the Stars: Astrological Essays on Wizarding World Characters and Relationships [meta] - the working title of my HP Astro series when I post it to AO3! I'm gearing up to post it on January 3rd! It won't feature all current essays right away, just the ones I manage to edit by the third. Then I'll do bulk chapter uploads maybe quarterly, as to not bombard my poor subscribers haha! I've done a lot of prep work (and HTML!) on this one to have it be as book-like as possible, and I'm very excited to share it!

[Hoggywartyxmas] - can't share the title just yet, sorry! I'm not sure as of yet when it will go up on LJ, but I know I'll be putting it on AO3 myself January 9th (author reveals!) So...okay maybe this one is less of a WIP and more of a complete fic sitting in my drafts. But hey! It sorta counts towards "releasing in 2023."

[Untitled Dralbus fic] - I make no promises on this one, actually, but in theory I'd really like to finish and post this one next year! Like smile, it has a complicated history linked to my old friend group. This link makes both fics difficult to work on, but also makes me super determined to finish both! Because I'll be damned if those people keep me down! They've done plenty enough of that, methinks, without letting them affect my writing!

3 Improvements

Less obsessing over stats - I've taken active measures to stop fretting so much and focusing on numbers. I've set up a system to not check my statistics page during the week, only on weekends. And I'm working towards checking my profile less (as to not gawk at each story's statistics), though it would help if I stopped being lazy and implemented a site skin that will hide those things. But I'm not doing half bad for relying on self-discipline!

Writing longer works! Back in ye olden days all I wrote were ridiculously long fics. When I came back in 2019 I dove onto the opposite end of things: shortfic! Which was great, but I sort of trained my brain to think that anything past a certain word count was rambling, meandering, and unnecessary. I've started to become better at allowing stories to get longer and sort of gauge what works for the story, rather than relying on numbers for my success. (My reliance on word count here, and my obsession with stats in 1 are hilarious when you know my lifelong undying hatred of math and numbers.)

Letting go/saying no - I have a terrible compulsion to stick things out and see them through to the end, to my own detriment. It's been healthy for me to look at projects and activities and decide whether I can actually accomplish those goals while taking care of myself. And stepping back if I realize that pushing towards those goals will be harmful to me.

2 Resolutions

Work on "Three of Hearts", the longfic I've been talking about for ages! Even better if I can write and finish it, but for my sanity's sake let's just say I'll make some progress on it somewhere!

No more fests Snarry Bang. And maybe Snarry-a-Thon. ...Cut back on the number of fests while still attempting a few special Snarry ones? (I stg I need a babysitter...) (For myself, yes.)

1 Line

This is the single rudest question I've ever been asked in my entire life and it keeps coming up!!!! I've posted over 70k words this year!! Written over 90k!!!! 19 works this year!!!! And I have to narrow it down to 1 line???? Jesus H. Merlin Christ. Oh well, let me rummage through Contempt and find something.

How can Harry not despise him? It's been ages since he's been in Severus' arms, and the moment he is, he — it's — damn him, but it's wrong how right it feels. Like all of his broken pieces have been gathered up and stored in a box for safekeeping.

[strititty]

4 for demon next door, for the fic writer meme?

4. What detail of [demon next door] are you really proud of?

you went and picked the SERIES ON AO3 IM MOST PROUD OF cries thank u. mad props to sz for helping me finish that first fic, as always.

im genuinely really happy with how david's dialogue comes out 99% of the time across the whole series, so there's that. demon david developed such a voice for me.

i also really love the tone and the thematic components that i'm trying to convey--that people who have done bad things can be forgiven, can improve, and that their relationships are complicated and worth looking at. i am so excited for the next fic in the series, you have NO IDEA. it'll be Very Different from its predecessors, but not THAT different.

BUT this question asks specifically for details, so let's see...

for that first fic there's a bit that's kind of a flashback to explain what happened with dave that's really ambiguous on what ACTUALLY happened. it's one of the few bits that i remember writing very clearly (i mostly wrote an extremely chunky outline and then sz filled it out for me, bless em, they wrote the absolutely fire smut and connective tissue) and it felt very important to me.

for eating crow im still in love with the way i described david's wings. just... barely there, in passing glances and when they ARE there they're almost kind of liquid. also "unholy osmosis" which is really kind of stupidly hilarious.

pecking order im ngl david going unhinged. but also. "it was a panic attack," which is extremely important to me. by all accounts bro SHOULD feel better without david but surprise, he won't. these idiots are in love. they'll NEVER SAY IT. but they're so in love.

mountain dew code red is good just for dave & rose. it establishes a few important things for dave that will come up in the next fic, but mostly THEY LOVE EACH OTHER ALSO. it's platonic in this series (mostly) but THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AAAA.

froths at the mouth about demon next door. AUGHHHHHH i gotta go write

[forcedacquiescence]

Lipstick Pig: Economic Thought on the Great Depression

    Introduction 

      The Great Depression is one of those watershed moments in history where everything changed. It ruined lives, destroyed nations and even proved itself one of the direct factors that led to the Second World War. It’s a controversial and devastating period that kicked off the most destructive war in human history. As such, hundreds of theories have developed, and one author, Ben Bernanke, even ghoulishly claimed that understanding the Great Depression “is the Holy Grail of macroeconomics.”[1] However, so many theories developed that it is very difficult to determine which of them holds water without beginning to see them all integral to each other, and that line of thought, the idea that all of these economists and historians had something, that maybe everything ultimately collided together perfectly in catastrophic harmony, sums up the Depression properly: this was a complicated event, brought on by a combination of several factors, including bad fiscal policy of a government uninterested in acting to balance the economy during a height, and then overcompensating with the miraculously stupid Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act, which probably kicked the Depression into overdrive in 1930, the gold standard itself, as the value of gold plummeted, and a series of natural disasters. Governments should act when the economy takes a downturn – after all, the concept of an economy is artificial to begin with – but it must be competent with action. It wasn’t, and when the American economy collapsed, so did the world’s economy. Essentially, monetary, and non-monetary factors and events all collided in catastrophe.

Background and Analysis

      The “Roaring” 1920s saw an unprecedented economic “high” in the American economy. However, the Crash of 1929 pretty much blew that high-flying economic boom out of the sky, and acted as the first salvo of a series of devastating blows that crippled the world. The Smoot-Hawley Act backfired as badly as Russian invasions of peaceful countries; damaging world trade only deepened the issues internationally, as other nations stupidly followed suit by throwing by protective tariffs, and by 1933, 24.9% of the American work force found itself unemployed, with the workers who did retain jobs learning that their wage incomes dropped by 42.5% at the deepest end of the pool.[2] People were desperate; 1932 saw the election of Franklin D. Roosevelt, who took office in March of 1933, while the Depression reached its “height” of low. Roosevelt, effectively a socialist, eventually took drastic action to right the course, culminating in his “New Deal” that served more as a band aid than an actual cure for the injury. His attempts to remove programs resulted in temporary disasters, and frankly, only the outbreak of the Second World War’s main fighting – one could make a case that the war truly began in the Japanese invasion of Manchuria, itself somewhat urged forward by the Depression – which pulled the United States in initially as an “Arsenal of Democracy” and then warfare itself in late 1941 ended the depression, with the unemployment in 1940 still at a high 15%[3].

      The theories attempting to explain the Depression from a macroeconomic standpoint make sense. Of course, historians are not economists, and tend to look for other causes, but understanding the Depression from all angles, especially the economic angle, is extremely important, as it was an economic event. Monetarists believe that the Depression began as an ordinary recession, but that bad monetary decisions caused a shrinking of the money supply. This turned recession into disaster. Keynesian economists believe that the 1929 Crash caused a panic, resulting in underconsumption and under investment across the entire spectrum, also equating disaster, especially when thousands of banks ended up folding away. Both theories have value, especially when one studies the international supply of gold and how bad protective tariffs made things. The United States is famous for its Depression, but frankly, other nations suffered even worse fates during it, which also helped the rise of Hitler and his cronies. This leads to another, more recent positive: people are now beginning to see how much this damaged the entire world.

      Other theories, heterodox theories, exist too, with many of them Marxist in nature. Of course, that means little; Marxism of any sort is nonsense, but it must be noted that other theories exist.

Conclusion

       Frankly, the truth is probably a bit of both macroeconomic theories combined, along with non-monetary events such as ecological disaster. The Depression is complicated, as most recessions tend to be, but the poor monetary decisions and tariffs turned a recession into cataclysm. What can be agreed on: people suffered badly. Many died. Studying the Great Depression is critical to prevent it from ever happening again.  

[1] Ben Bernanke, “The Macroeconomics of the Great Depression: A Comparative Approach,” Journal of Money, Credit and Banking 27, no. 1 (February 1, 1995): pp. 1-28, https://doi.org/10.3386/w4814.

[2] J. B. Condliffe, World Economic Survey, 1932-33 (Geneva, CH: League of Nations, 1933), 44.

[3] Ibid.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

this is obviously EXTREMELY far from the worst thing about Everything Bad Magicians Related / specifically about every single narrative choice made about eliot in season 5, but these are trying times and some of us complain about petty nonsense to cope, so: another thing that sucks about giving us just like 13 straight episodes of grossly framed and grossly prioritized or deprioritized as the situation calls for it and just grossly written Eliot Suffering Marathon is that in trying to write this fic where eliot is fucked up (as he canonically is) and making ungreat choices (as he canonically does) and wildly miserable all the time (as you would be too if you turned down the love of your life because of your childhood trauma and then he sort of tried to excise himself from humanity and then in trying to prevent that you got your ass possessed by a demon creature who killed a bunch of people and then after saving you he died but not before getting back together with the ex girlfriend he cheated with you on during the previous darkest time in your life now obviously surpassed) i keep second guessing myself about whether i am like complicit in the eliot waugh trauma p*** revue. everything about what canon has done is so bad in that regard that anything that's not like Gentle Conversations Where People Articulate Their Emotions fic has this like aura of suspicion! and do not get me wrong i LOVE gentle conversations where people articulate their emotions but i already wrote a fic with like ten billion of them and i wanna do something different!!!! i wanna write about quentin and eliot sitting in stony silence smoking weed in an airbnb in the hudson valley while eliot thinks depressing thoughts about his life as is my right. and like i will and am and wrote like a thousand very depressing words today but it is annoying to have in the back of my mind on the one hand four seasons (well. 3 seasons and 1 episode "lol") of characterization of someone that was like very fucked up and very heartbreaking and very beautiful all in very human ways, and then one season of just this spectacle of suffering where who eliot is matters to the text less than what has happened to him.

[bratz-kitten]

random thoughts on the moon signs

moon in pisces is literally my favorite placement ever. something about these people makes me feel safe. as a capricorn moon, i repress my emotions constantly and i’m deadly afraid of showing vulnerability, but pisces moons give off this vibe of constantly being consumed by their emotions – and it’s fascinating. you make me feel like it’s okay to express my deeply emotional side; even better, you encourage it. you’re the type of people who i love crying with while eating ice cream, even cuddling with. your empathy and passion for your interests is your biggest strength.

moon in aquarius reminds me of that shrek quote of him being an onion – you guys have layers upon layers upon layers. my brother is an aquarius moon and sometimes i feel like i’m the only person who knows how emotional he really is. you hate showing this part of yourself – it’s hidden safely from prying hands; you racionalize your emotions, repress them, attempt to conceal them; but ultimately, your deeply compassionate and intuitive nature will be shown – even if only to the very few you trust. your dreams are your biggest strength.

i have never met a cancer moon without raging mommy issues yet who was deeply attached to their mother. you always share this very close bond and she’s very present in your life – yet its so obviously this very toxic dynamic. you guys get this fame for being the only ones with ‘stable’ emotions because your moon is exalted but you’re like.. not. your emotions aren’t stable; much on the contrary, and even if you’re very emotional, you don’t particularly like showing it. most of the cancer moons i’ve known are iffy about expressing their feelings. you joke a lot about your trauma, though, and so you give people the impression of knowing you when really, they don’t know the half of it.

moon in sagittarius makes it feel like life is worth living. you dream so much and so high; you’re so open about your love for adventure and freedom, so optimistic and fun-loving – to the point where most people don’t understand how turbulent your emotions are underneath the façade. you give off the vibe of the funny friend who’s depressed and afraid to show it because you’re supposed to be the one who raises the spirits. doesn’t it hurt when you try opening up to others and they almost seem bothered by it because they prefer it when you’re just this bubble of fun? you need to learn to take that weight off your shoulders – stop trying to entertain others and realize that they’re the ones who need to entertain you. this is your show, baby. your resilience is your strength.

is it possible to be a capricorn moon without having strict parents and a terrible childhood in which you had to raise yourself? because i think it’s kind of a given. it’s so funny how literally everyone sees you as this cold, unemotional, strong person yet you probably cry everyday. a lot of problems with self-worth every time you’re in a bad place mentally, which is constantly. extremely calculating – you always do shit with a clear purpose in mind and it can come off like you’re using people for your own gains. your ability to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against you is your strength. i almost feel like you thrive on pain because that’s how you’ve learned to grow and adapt.

moon in aries people are so smart, and most of all, dedicated. you make me want to get my life together so bad – you’re the type of people to set a goal and go through with it no matter what. you’re always on to something, looking for opportunities and recognition. you see what you want and you go for it. you’re so easy to rile up and lose it, though, it’s so funny how you’re so bold and passionate yet so big of a crybaby (all aries placements are tbh).

moon in scorpio stop being so pessimistic pleathe i will kiss you in the lips just don’t lose your faith in humanity /yet/. trust is the most important thing in the world to you which is funny because you have raging trust issues. so sensitive but you cover that up with anger. you be looking like you wanna commit sporadic murder when on the inside you’re just so hurt. you’re so dependable, things might be in deep shit but as soon as you’re in the room i know we’ll find a way to fix it. if the l*ve of my life doesn’t end up being a scorpio moon i’ll be so pissed.

moon in leo YOU’RE SO INFURIATING PLEASE SHUT UP OR I’LL FUCK YOU??????? massive egos, you know you’re the shit and you won’t shut up about it. likes to start arguments just to rile everyone up and then laugh maniacally in the corner at the chaos they created. always have a wicked plan in mind and i’ll go along with it because you’re also stupidly endearing. the best friends, literally always there when you’re down and sosososo supportive. i’ve noticed that feeling insecure is quite possible the worst thing you can feel, it’ll start to take a toll on your physical health. your ability to be a fucking idiot but also a /pretty/ idiot is your biggest strength.

moon in virgo if you say “well actually, that’s not how that works” one more time i’ll throw hands. incredibly nit-picky and obsessive but also the types of people to have a pile of dirt on their room?? mom friend, WILL take care of her babies/friends. you always ruin the mood yet.. you’re so fun to be around? how does that even work? i could listen to you talk for hours. i don’t think you know what the concept of relaxation is. also pleathe stop with that need to fix others. the fact that you’re so focused on your goals and willing to do just about anything is your biggest strength (it’s also kinda scary).

my mom’s moon is in libra and ma’am can you please stop transferring your mommy issues onto me? i get it, you had a codependent relationship with her and she showed you she loved you while also constantly criticising you and treating you like an extension of herself. my bestie is a libra moon too and it’s also like that. just.. mommy issues and insecurities for days. a passion 4 fashion and people love to be around you. also, i can’t understand how you feel. like, you’ll cry a lot and love so hard yet when you break up with someone you’ll never spare a thought about them again? it’s almost like you can turn your feelings off. which is funny, because that’s supposed to be a capricorn moon thing but i’ve never met one who can stop caring, they just act like they’re heartless to protect themselves. either way, libra moons can switch from sweethearts to cold and aggressive in a literal second and it’s scary but also cool.

moon in gemini please don’t ever shut up you have so much to say, your interests are so fascinating and the way you talk with so much passion about literally anything makes my heart do the flippy thing. also so complicated, can you name one person in this world who fully knows and comprehends you? very secretive, people feel like they know you because you talk a lot and are very open about certain things but as soon as something actually serious happens you turn into allison dilaurentis real quick.

moon in taurus why are you so pretty? you’re so extra too, you always leave the house looking straight off the runaway. you’re literally so caring for your friends and overprotective too, possessive of even them. you prioritize comfort a lot, wether it be on your home or concerning yourself. you’re very good with people, i feel like you’re the ex that your ex-boyfriend’s mom doesn’t ever shut up about because she misses you and wants you to be The one. you need to learn that change isn’t the enemy!! change is fundamental for personal growth. hold grudges for a crazy amount of time. very weird sense of humor, in an oddly endearing way. your mentality of “if they’ve hurt you, they’ve hurt me too” is your biggest strength.

[podiumnorris]

Rare | L. Norris

part one | part two | part three

In which they find themselves in a complicated situation after an unexpected encounter.

word count: 3,3k | no warnings

She walked through the familiar door of her number one tavern, the pleasant smell of various precious liquids finding its way to her nose and embracing her mind like a warm summer breeze, unlike the current temperature in the middle of November.

As she allowed herself to traditionally take place on an empty stool at the bar and typically ordered her familiar drink, the bell above the door rang as a direct signal another figure entered the ancient-looking pub. She carefully took her order from the young bartender in front of her and took a small sip before shooting a glance at who had entered her favourite spot in the neighbourhood.

Her gentle heart instantly dropped to her stomach at seeing the curly-haired making his way inside. Mixed memories of things she desperately wished she could forget made their way back to her awakened mind, her eyes unable to pierce themselves off him as she gradually set her glass down on the bar.

As she properly processed what was happening and who was inevitably continuing his way towards her, she carefully chose to abandon her drink and took off from her pleasant spot. Hastily putting on the hood of her favourite jumper, she made her way opposite the familiar person that had only just entered. The bartender worriedly looked at her but chose not to stop her.

"Y/n," she heard a gentle voice speak through the loud chatter of the cheerful ambience. A familiar voice she hadn't heard in months, one that she desired she could forget more easily. He had spoken her unique name so many times before but currently, she wished he would have stupidly forgotten that, too. Just like he had forgotten her.

She anxiously stopped in her tracks but made no effort to turn around and encounter him. The boy that had lovingly placed his gentle hands on her hips so many times. "Y/n, it's me," he spoke again as she slowly heard his footsteps getting louder, indicating he had made his way over the wooden floor towards her.

She thought of no other solution but to turn around and inevitably face him, stupidly feeling too guilty about running away. She looked up at him through her long eyelashes once he set his final step in front of her but remained silent. Not even a metre was separating them, yet neither of them were able to provide the appropriate words to say.

After a quiet couple of seconds, she was debating if she should leave once again. She found no point in staying at such a close distance from him either. Right when she made up her puzzled mind and decided to abandon the figure she unwillingly encountered; he spoke up again.

"How have you been?" it was straightforward. Too simple for her liking. His voice still sounded extremely soft, and for a moment she couldn't believe he expressed them in such a full place with such ease. She frowned, wrinkles forming merely above her eyebrows. She almost scoffed but kept the honour to herself. Though she decided to speak up, she instantly regretted it. "Seriously, Lando?"

She barely had a clue where her forwardness had suddenly come from and frankly, neither did he. She was rarely this forward, and he had always known her as the sweet girl that never said anything close to apparent rudeness. His sweet girl.

Being caught off guard, Lando frowned as well upon her harsh reaction and found himself at a terrible loss for words yet again. He hadn't visualised this unplanned encounter well enough to form a decent conversation with her. But what was he expecting? A warm welcome, comfortably filled with affectionate hugs, like she used to when he came home from a race weekend she could not attend? Her arms loosely hanging around his neck as he looked at her intense blue eyes, reassuring hands on her hips, getting lost in what had turned to be his favourite colour, just because of her?

As she impatiently awaited his proper reaction that was long overdue, she decided to actually take off this time. She found no use in speaking with the figure in front of her, who could barely form a decent conversation after the five cruel months it has been since they last spoke. She turned on her heels and made her way back to the bar, offering the bartender the cash she still owed him for her drink she abandoned earlier. Furthermore, she provided a tip and made her way to the door, the bell once again ringing as she opened it.

She wished it would close immediately, a sign that no one had relentlessly followed her. But as soon as she failed to hear a confirming sound, she knew that was not the case. She kept going, anyway, not paying any more attention to the guy. He followed her quickly and she shivered when she felt his touch on her shoulder. It burned through her jumper, sending chills down her spine. Instantly, she turned around and forced his hand away. She shot a fiery glare at him, to which his facial features changed from desperate to upset. “Can we please talk?” he said, and his voice found its way back to the familiar place in her heart. “Don’t touch me.” she refused to allow her emotions to get in control, but it seemed like the emotional waves in her heart were stronger than her angry mind.

With that, she continued her way off but managed to find the precise words to say to him as he followed her. “You didn’t seem to want to talk over the past five months, or before the last text you sent,” she spoke confidently. “Do you recall what you sent, Lando? Do you remember the emotional pain you so recklessly caused?” Her harsh words sent spikes through his sore heart, the pain getting unbearable. He did remember, all too well. He undoubtedly remembered it as clearly as her dazzling smile when he would eagerly tell her a terrible joke. He remembered it as well as every cat she would pet when they encountered one during a walk on the streets.

Before Lando could respond to her, she continued. “Listen, y/n. You know I care but- ““Please stop.” He cut her off, unable to hear the words he had sent her months ago. He stopped in his tracks as they reached a wooden bench by fortunate accident. “Can we please just sit down for a moment?” he begged, and she stopped too, raising an eyebrow. “Why would I? I owe you nothing,” She crossed her protecting arms in front of her sore chest, waiting eagerly for his convincing answer. “You can barely hear the terrible words you cowardly said to me, so why would I listen to any more of your rambling?” He gestured to the grassy bench, pleading she would take a seat. “I’m not sitting there,” she pointed to the cold, wooden object in front of them. “Did you not have anyone to meet back there?” he looked at her in confusion but realised she meant the pub just a split second later. “It wasn’t important.” He answered, not sure how he should feel about the small talk they were having. Y/n walked away again, naturally causing him to follow. “And I am?” she asked him, not sure what kind of answer she was expecting. She reached her familiar car, one of the only ones parked in the destined parking place. “No,” he started. She looked up at him, the acute pain in her broken heart slowly finding its way back. “I mean, yes! Of course, but,” He was at a terrible loss of words. And because she was too, she thought she should manage to talk to him without falling apart.

She unlocked the car doors and started to get into the driver’s seat. “Get in the car.” She ordered him and gestured for him to go around and take place in the passenger’s seat. “My car is right there though, I should - ““you want to talk, or not?” he nodded, and she pointed to the other side of her car. “Get in.”

He hesitantly obliged but decided to listen to her. She drove off once they were both settled and found themselves in uncomfortable silence. Months ago, she didn't dare to drive. He had driven them everywhere and neither of them minded. She loved watching him drive as much as he enjoyed naturally holding the steering wheel. She would observe his strong hands gently wrapped around the black material; a black ring hugging his pointer finger.

He looked at her as his unstable mind trailed off, noticing how mature she had undoubtedly gotten. Although it had merely been a couple of months, it seemed like she completely left everything in the past, including herself. He observed the way her hands gripped the wheel, rotating it gently whenever they went around a corner. He then understood why she loved watching him drive because he wasn’t sure he would ever want it the other way around again.

Completely mesmerised by the woman in front of him, because that was what she was, he failed to notice she looked back at him. His uncomfortable thoughts consuming him more every precious second, she started to get worried because of his dreadful silence. He had never been this quiet before, constantly feeling the need to fill up the silence. She instantly noticed his knee rapidly bouncing, a visible sign he was nervous. She could always laugh about it, but once confessed to him she could find it very annoying, too.

She hesitated, noticing he was still staring at her, seemingly zoned out. Her heart and mind came in a desperate conflict again, the latter screamed not to do the thing the former wanted to. She listened to her heart and gently placed a comforting hand on his bouncing knee. He got out of his trance, looking into her kind eyes more consciously this time.

“Lando, are you okay?” she softly asked him, she swore she could see his watery eyes holding the encouraging words of sincere regret that he would not speak out for another while. His knee stopped with its movements upon feeling her gentle touch, a sigh escaping his mouth as he nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine thanks." Y/n carefully returned her hand to the steering wheel, eyes back on the local road just like he did. She didn't buy his answer. Obviously, she didn't. She had known him for too long not to notice his nose twitching with the words he spoke. Too long not to recognise his sign of discomfort after his answer. He was undoubtedly lying, and she wasn't sure how to properly handle that after all this time.

Simultaneously, he was sincerely hoping she would find a way to comfort him. A way like she always would, peppering small kisses over his face. From his forehead, to just under his kind eyes, to his nose, to his rosy cheeks, ending with a small peck on his plump lips. She would find a way to minimise his anxiety and right then he genuinely needed it more than he would dare to shamingly admit.

After the uncomfortable silence continued, their ten-minute drive to her home ended. They both got out and made their way to the porch of her lovely house. Lando wasn't sure what to expect, seeing as he hadn't brought his own car. Was she planning on letting him stay the night? Did she plan on kicking him out, leaving him to find his way back on his own?

His stream of thoughts was interrupted by the woman in front of him once again, signing for him to get in as she held the familiar door open. He followed her lead, hearing the door close after him, and entered her house first. He looked around the living room he carefully entered, not sure if he'd allow himself to be in here again. Let alone she would allow him. He decided against his own thoughts and continued his way as she gradually followed him, not sure what to expect either. He gently took off his fashionable jacket and properly hung it on the destined hook next to the door, and she did the same.

"You can sit down, you know." she spoke in a low voice, afraid to break whatever was hanging between them. He nodded and typically took place on the left side of her brown sofa, ashamed this was still a traditional spot for him. Y/n sighed, realising the same. The left side was always destined for Lando, and no other person would even dare to take his place there. He wondered if, in the meantime, someone had. He wondered if another person in her life would have taken his place on this sofa. "Could I have a glass of water, please?" he requested as he tried to find her puzzled eyes in her uncomfortable stare. But he failed. She nodded and went to the modern kitchen, giving him a possible opportunity to look around a bit more.

He got up from his familiar spot and decided to give himself a tour through her living room. Nothing changed. Her television was still on the same spot, the LED lights they hung up together still shining from behind the screen. The furniture was still in the same place, and part of him wondered if she had even been here during the first few months without him. His eyes fell on the empty spots on the cupboards, his fragile heart sinking as he realised that was where his memorable photos used to stand. Their photos.

"You know I couldn't keep them there." y/n said as she entered the living room, this time with a glass of water in her right hand. "I know," he painfully answered. "Do you still have them?" she frowned but didn't answer right away. After a few seconds of thinking, she nodded. Of course, she still had them. She enjoyed photos as a reminder of the fun things she had done. The pleasant memories with Lando were no exception.

After y/n put the glass on the small table in front of Lando his side on the sofa, she took her place on one of the lounge chairs, wisely deciding against taking her usual spot on the right side of the sofa. Lando returned to his place, adjusting himself to a relaxed position. "You wanted to talk?" she said as she crossed her legs. He looked up and for the first time since they entered her house, he was able to meet her gaze. Her eyes looked watery, like the water in the ocean hiding its deepest secrets in the dark. He tried to speak up, but no words came out of his dry mouth. Lando carefully picked up his water, took a sip and left the glass in his hands. He looked at the moving water, being careful not to spill anything. He frowned thoughtfully, trying to keep his knee from bouncing again. He knew it would give her a signal he was nervous. But why was he?

"Why are you here, Lando?" y/n decided to take matters into her own hands after realising Lando wouldn't be able to get reasonable words out of his mouth. "I came back to visit my family during the week off," he said, his mouth feeling even drier. "You know, to celebrate my birthday." he looked up at her, wondering if she would have remembered his birthday was in a couple of days.

Y/n looked back at him, her breath getting caught in her burning throat at instantly remembering the date. Of course, how could she forget his birthday? They would always traditionally celebrate his, as well as hers, annoying both their families at shutting them out of celebrating with them. “Of course.” she muttered and switched her gaze from him to her fingers, anxiously fiddling with them.

“I meant what I asked earlier,” Lando started, and y/n confusedly looked back at him with a questioning stare, waiting for him to continue. “How have you been?” this time, in contrast to earlier, she scoffed and tried to look anywhere but him. She managed to look away for a few seconds but eventually found herself staring back at Lando. She noticed his curls loosely hanging on his head, the ones she always loved. She remembered how upset she felt when he shaved his hair, and she could no longer tangle her eager hands in the softness.

“I’ve been managing,” she decided to simply answer his foolish question this time. “All things considered; I’ve been doing alright the last month. It’s a first.” He felt his heart crack with her last words, now realising how much he had relentlessly broken hers. “How’s racing?” she asked, as he noticed she remained from asking him the same and frankly, he understood. He briefly glanced at his fingers, too, before returning his look to her. “Yeah, it’s been excellent,” he wondered if she had watched them, although at the same time he wondered why on earth she would. “Got a few podiums, including a p2, so.” She softly smiled at him, “that sounds great.” She normally would have given him so much more as a sign of being proud, but nothing more came out of her.

He wouldn’t directly admit it, but his burning heart was hurting as much as hers. Although ending what they had was his initiative and his only, his heart breaks at seeing her like this. He misses the memorable moments they shared and the pleasant memories they happily created. She was never sure what the odd reason behind his harsh message was. Lando remembers it very clearly, the last thing he said to her. ‘Listen, y/n. You know I care, but I am no longer able to continue our relationship. I truly wish you all the best.’

It was short, so simple, straight to the point. Not even a weak apology ended the painful text. She had never responded. Of course, she hadn’t, why would she? Lando had barely taken any time to compose a longer message, not giving her a proper reason behind his thoughts. He hoped for even the shortest answer or wishing him the best as well. Something that indicated that she had received the message. Though, after two months, the read receipt had been enough of a sign to him that she had read it. She was unsure what to send and concluded sending nothing made her message clear. Who was he to be breaking up with her over text? Was that all she was worth? Although he was away, for a race weekend, surely, he could have waited until he returned home. Home to her.

“I am so sorry, y/n.” he spoke silently, afraid his voice might have broken if he spoke up louder. She returned her gaze to him, only to be met with the same teary eyes she had noticed on the way to her house. “For what, Lando?” she clearly knew what he apologised for but wanted to hear him say it. However, he couldn’t. He was not able to speak out the words she needed to hear.

“What we had; it was rare.” His voice cracked with his words, but he didn’t allow his tears to roll down his cheeks. He felt hot, yet he was so cold he would have thought it froze inside her cosy living room. A nervous shiver ran up his spine as she said the words that made him realise his painful mistake; “I know Lando. I was there, I remember it,” she sighed. “But you ruined it.”

[zahri-melitor]

The Great Hunt!

Well I see they accomplished the hunt bit, solid decision.

My thoughts:

Time for better non-peasant clothes, says Moiraine. And of course Rand is very distressed someone dared put a dragon on his cloak. Poor child.

Lan is like “I have adopted you, Rand, and you will NOT be a disappointment to me even if you never ever listen”.

Ok I love Verin. Moiraine’s going “can I get away with murder (of you) will anyone care” and Verin’s like “yes that WOULD be an interesting research project, please let me know your conclusions and can I have access to the raw data”.

This book is definitely an improvement over number 1 as I have already cackled out loud several times.

I am enjoying the arrival of women’s politics thoroughly, this is the shit I decided to read the series for.

Oh Rand. OH RAND.

So upset everyone keeps calling him a lord, as if the fact he’s basically been adopted and tutored by Lan has passed him by. He keeps going “it’s the clothes”. No Rand, it’s the people you’re hanging with.

Selene appears very bad news. Correction, Selene seems EXTREMELY bad news. Further correction: I am shocked, SHOCKED that Selene is an alias for someone who is such bad news.

I’m actually quite concerned about the whole education in magic situation here, between “let’s just let Nynaeve skip a grade” and the fact everyone’s like “nobody knows how to educate men, sorry Rand you’re on your own”. Only good things can come from this.

Ahahaha in love with Moiraine wandering off to check in with the cute old Aes Sedai couple who’ve clearly retired to their cottage together to spend less time politicking and more time researching [things they probably shouldn’t], while Verin goes off ride herd on the kids. Moiraine gets a break!

Wheeeee Cairhienin politics is stupidly complicated, I am excited, clearly coming from the country where everyone is plotting at all times has had no impact on Moiraine’s personality (smothered mirth).

Has anyone checked with the Horn to see if it just likes causing trouble and being lost? Because I have my SUSPICIONS.

This party of Barthanes also is appearing to be a “going to come back and groan at the payoffs in the future” sort of event.

The Seanchan with the Horn. This seems not ideal planning, Padan Fain.

Oh, girls of the White Tower, where is your common sense. Apparently you truly are easy to manipulate. “Liandrin said Rand’s in trouble!” Firstly, that appears to be a permanent state of affairs for him, and second, you’re listening to Liandrin???

Also Elayne has a LOT of Rand hero worship going on here. You met him for 5 minutes, Elayne!

Fuck the Seanchan. Just, yeah.

“And I took that personally” seems to be a foundational aspect of Nynaeve’s personality.

I really like Hurin? He’s trying hard! The world is against him!

Oooh the horde of spirits called up by the horn is interesting.

Welcome back Moiraine! Moiraine, thanks for letting us know the situation is Very Bad, even if Rand doesn’t want to know about it. Also thanks for taking a moment to point out to him how bad he is at Cairhienin politics, which, FAIR.

Rand, you can’t cover this up (as Rand starts immediately planning how to cover this up).

In other thoughts, this was definitely more of its own thing as a story? I felt less like I was in “let’s run LotR” land and more in “secret plots start colliding, to everyone’s dismay” land.

Ok, this has more of a grip on me now.

[danidoesathing]

🔥 Makoto

Oh boy. alright kiddos im not gonna be nice with this. This might be partially a rant but I dont care.

Makoto is an extremely poorly written character. Every aspect of her character has such great potential but ultimately it's undermined by terrible writing. She's meant to be a pushover good girl type that eventually snaps and starts to stand up for herself and realize the flaws of the system. But every interaction with her just....doesn't come across.

Like her introduction just makes her come across as judgmental, mean, and thoughtless. I get her not getting along with the PT at first, but her jabs at the PT are so personal (like when she tries to imply Ann's at fault for Shiho's suicide attempt. what the fuck). She doesn't bother to think about any nuance to any situation when it comes to any of the characters. They keep trying to make her come across as smart but her actions just....don't reflect that. Finding her way into the palace was smart, but thats the only example I can really think of. She comes off as plain ignorant (I won't even touch on the post interrogation room scene as I have so. so many things to say about that but her taking partial credit for the plan working angers me to no end). Her trauma with Sae, her father, and the principal is interesting but it's not enough for me to go "oh, she's just misunderstood" because there's not enough good will built up for me to just forgive all her actions.

And she doesn't grow. All the characters have flaws right? but they work past them and they have good qualities. Yusuke, for example, stayed silent while himself and others were being abused. But ultimately, he comes to realize Madarame isn't the great hero he thought he was and learns to stand for himself and others. He grows (his confidant has it's own issues, but thats a topic for another day), but Makoto doesn't learn or change like the other characters. She becomes more assertive, sure, but she doesn't really earn that multilayered development like other's do (and it honestly comes off as bossy). She still doesn't fully understand the flaws in the system, she still has full confidence that she's right all the time, she still doesn't see what the different nuances to each situation and only sees her perspective, and it's just....frustrating.

The worst example of this? In her confidant, she says she wants to be a cop like her father to Akira. She wants to change the system from the inside, and she choses to be....a cop. She knows how corrupt they are, and she really thinks that becoming one could just fix everything. That's not how it works. It's stupidly hopeful and straight up willingly naive. She could have chosen to become a judge, trying to fight against the 99% guilty verdict in Japan. A defense lawyer. A political activist. ANYTHING other than join the system of corruption they are fighting against. And she says this to Akira. Akira, her friend who has extensive trauma around cops and his arrest. Her friend with canon PTSD around his arrest and shows a general fear of cops. That's just....willingly ignorant to his trauma.

And you want to know the worst part? She could have been fucking amazing. Those glimpses of what could have been. Her awakening? fantastic. Her showtimes? amazing. Her dynamics with Ryuji and Haru? Awesome. There's so much potential to create a characters who's lived on a more privileged standard that has benefited from the system and who's family actively contributed to it (complicated feelings towards your loved ones could have been awesome) learning and going against the flaws in it despite what's its given her. Her bonding with the "delinquents" of the school and seeing that these people she's always turned her nose towards are actually good people, and growing because of it could have been....really, really good. But that's not what happened, and it sucks. I don't usually blame the characters for this stuff, because it's 99% due to bad writing. Maybe I still wouldn't have liked her if she was written well, but at least it would be me not liking a character, not "this character is fundamentally flawed and it pisses me off".