#its gay because its a movie about a group of people who are passionate for and live for the arts and poetry and literature and thats what

[supermarketcrush]

girls when they finish watching dead poets society

[mdhwrites]

This might be a bit of a broad question, but what do you think makes a piece a media Timeless?

Is the sum of its parts or do you think its something in particular

So this is a subject that is both really simple and the answer sounds obvious but also is one of those things that can get lost in being pedantic. Worse yet, I feel like you might be asking this with the mindset of how most people talk about timeless works in that they're also commonly considered classics.

These two are not synonymous. The sum of somethings parts usually being greater than the whole while every individual piece is great is what commonly makes something a classic. Spiderverse, the first one and potentially the whole trilogy if it sticks its landing, will be considered classics because those movies are great in each part but combined together they're absolutely incredible.

This also makes what is a classic or not up for debate. If you don't like Shakespeare, you won't consider Romeo and Juliet a classic. You'll see it as over dramatic pedophilia potentially. (Not my opinion but I've seen more than one person like to do the modern 'criticism' angle towards Romeo and Juliet because of the ages of the two leads, not taking into account that that was probably pretty common back then.)

They're timeless however because of one thing: Audience resonance. Or, in other words, themes, and commonly how universal they are. This makes them much less up for debate.

After all, there are fantasy works that are timeless. That shouldn't be possible, right? I mean, they're set in medieval times for many works so the technology, social structure and even priorities of those characters shouldn't function for a modern society, right? Or hell, for something less bluntly absurd, just look at It's a Wonderful Life. The main character in that movie runs a successful business, has a wife and two kids and a full group of friends and allies and he's considered as just doing alright. To a modern millennial, that is an INSANE amount of wealth and could make the main character much less likable.

But to most, he truly is the good every man. Not just in that he does good things but in the doubting. In the jealousy. Mr. Bailey is by no means a perfect soul, but his soul does indeed shine bright. It's so easy to compare ourselves to others though. To always think we're not doing enough or not see the good we're putting into the world. The idea that all we make is mistakes and even if we're not literally worth more dead, we would do less harm if we were dead.

To any empathetic soul, this makes It's a Wonderful Life easily a timeless movie. It doesn't matter if what George Bailey faces is different from our modern context, what matters is that he is going through life, just like we all are.

This is actually something that a lot of bigots close a blind eye to. "How am I supposed to relate to this if the character is gay/black/a jew, trans, etc.? I'm not any of those things so it must be impossible for me to connect to this work!" They believe that racial background is everything. That you must have lived those experiences in order to connect with them.

We are all human though. No amount of time will ever change that what beats in our very beings is the same. How that manifests in personality, skin, gender, religion, etc. like that doesn't matter. We all face fear, anxiety, anger, joy, passion, etc. A common laborer with no ambitions can still connect to a mad scientist on the screen because the same feeling that scientist feels when he screams "IT'S ALIVE!" is the same joy of success and passion that that office worker gets when he puts down the last piece of a ten thousand piece jigsaw puzzle.

And while I say whether something is or isn't timeless isn't really up for debate, what is is whether it connects to you. I have two relatives who don't like It's a Wonderful Life. They are some of the most financially motivated and petty people I know, at least that are close to me. And neither are my brother shockingly enough, who loves the movie too.

I won't say that just because I try to have a universal outlook on things that I could connect to a story that is strictly that of an African American. I didn't have to live through the prejudice many of them face because of the color of my own skin. I can try my best to empathize though. That when they tell their stories and let their anger and frustration be known, I can try to connect with those emotions so I can better attempt to see the world through their eyes, if even briefly.

This is much of why while I write a lot of sapphic fiction, I root a lot of those elements in emotions like love, anxiety, fear, shame, etc. because I understand those emotions. I lack the specifics to make it resonate 100% with a sapphic reader, which is why I do recommend people check out proper sapphic writers if that's what they're wanting most of my works, but I can try to make it emotionally honest enough that they can see some part of themselves in the work.

Honestly, to me, what makes a work timeless actually makes anything that's emotionally earnest, and at least a 6 or7/10, hard NOT to be timeless. It also makes it damn near impossible for a work to have NO ONE who considers it timeless.

It just needs to be able to resonate and if you're worth anything as a writer, that resonance should simply be a part of your process. After all, your work should at least resonate with one person: You. Because if you don't enjoy it, why are you writing it?

[therandomavenger]

What Pride Means to Me

Step into the wayback machine with me for a moment.

The year is 1995. It’s the middle of summer. I am sitting in a movie theater with my best friend, Jennie, and we are watching one of the most popular films of that year, Mel Gibson’s Braveheart. <I thought you were going to write about Pride, you say? Give me a moment.>

Now, this is an entertaining film, made with obvious passion. It has a moving story and great performances. Its main villain is the English King, Edward I, played by Patrick McGoohan. Amidst all the major and minor characters is the character of Edward’s son, Prince Edward. As a prince, he’s not living up to his father’s expectations. And, though it’s ever really stated on screen, one of the reasons for this is he’s always in the company of his best friend, who is obviously also his gay lover.

The prince and his lover are mewling and foppish, presented without any redeeming qualities. The lover encourages the prince to stick up for himself against his father, and this all comes to a head in one scene in the middle of the film, where Edward is commanding the prince to do something, the prince protests, the lover says something cutting to the king, and the King grabs the lover and throws him out of the nearest window, to his death.

In the film, this moment is played entirely for laughs. And it got a big laugh from the audience I was sitting in. And in all the commentary this film has garnered over the years, I’ve not seen one other person mention this scene, let alone how problematic it is.

Now, clearly Edward II is the villain in this movie. It’s not like the main hero did this. But still, it doesn’t even seem to be added by the narrative to the list of Edward’s crimes. Indeed, the audience sympathizes with his frustration, and supports this casual murder. The prince is given very little further space in the story, merely doing what his father wants the rest of the film, his trauma unremarked upon.

I think I even laughed at this scene the first time that I saw it, because it’s presented as a moment of physical comedy. But I’ve thought about this scene a lot over the years, obviously, since it’s coming up in a blog post 28 years later.

This kind of thing was common in the 90’s. If gay people existed in media at all, we were disposable. The first victims of a murderer. Films that explored our lives focused mainly on the traumatic parts, and usually had one or more characters dying of AIDS (Philadelphia, I’m looking at you).

Now, I am including myself in that group now, but back then I would not have. While I was aware that I was attracted to guys, I kind of buried that deep within myself, sealing it up in a box that I did not dare open. It was my most shameful secret, one that I’d die to keep. And is it any wonder I didn’t want any part of it, given the examples I was seeing? I had no vision of happy gay people, living their truth. Now, I am aware that they existed. There have been gay writers and filmmakers putting out work for a long time. I’m not saying they didn’t exist. But they did not have a large audience or any kind of promotional budget and I, living in a small town in Indiana, was not aware of them.  

I think the first example of a non-traumatized gay character I came across was Matt in Melrose Place. And while Matt was canonically gay, and allowed to have a romantic life on screen, he was forced by the network sensors to say goodnight to every one of his dates with a firm handshake. So, it was technically representation, but was it really …?

I had never heard of Pride month back then, and I wouldn’t have done anything about it if I had. I didn’t say the words, “I am gay” to myself until I was 32. And it would take another 14 years for me to say it to another person.

So, Pride … I think I became aware of Pride around the time the gay marriage supreme court case went through. Now, I was out to myself at the time, but so deep in the closet that I could see Narnia. I was married to a woman and raising my children, and I thought ‘I might be gay, but it doesn’t mean anything because this is the life I chose for myself, and it would hurt too many people to disrupt.’ But when that decision came down, I felt so much joy. I knew why but didn’t say this to anyone. Because I knew it meant that someday, if circumstances changed, I would be able to live as my true self. I would not have to hide forever. And maybe that planted the seed that I wasn’t as trapped as I thought I was.

That year was the first time I noticed Pride going on. And I wanted to be part of it but couldn’t let myself. I wasn’t ready to blow apart my life yet. I wouldn’t be for another four years. So, Pride to me means standing up and being counted. If Braveheart were made today, I don’t think they would casually murder the prince’s lover and play it for laughs. There are popular network shows where gay people get to kiss their boyfriends and girlfriends on screen.  This even happens on so-called ‘family shows,’ (case in point my late, beloved Willow).  Queer people are allowed to live their lives in the open, and in most places in the west, are given equivalent rights to straight people.

Now, in recent years we have been reminded that there are still many people who would gladly throw us out the nearest window. But those people are a minority. A sizable, vocal minority, yes, but a minority. Most people have a ‘live and let live’ attitude toward queer people now. People I once thought would never accept me if I came out of the closet and started living an authentic life have embraced me and welcomed my boyfriend into the family. Being gay has gone from being my most shameful secret to being one of the things I like most about myself. I’ve gone from praying to be straight to realizing that if I had the chance to be straight, I wouldn’t take it. It may not be a choice for me, but if it were, I’d choose to be queer. There’s nothing wrong with me (at least if there is, it’s not this).

So, that’s what Pride means to me. We can be proud of who we are. We can be the people we were created to be, and love the people we were created to love, no matter what gender that person is. It’s a giant middle figure to the people who want to push us back into the closet. We’re Here! We’re Queer! Go Fuck yourself!

I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that he would one day be able to accept every part of himself, and that it would be okay to be that person. He lived in pain for so many years, hating himself, afraid to even let himself be aware of what he really wanted. But those days are over, and we will stand together as a community and refuse to be forced back into those dark days. That’s what Pride is, a signal that we exist and are valid.

originally published on chadgrayson.com

[archivyrep]

Beyond "negative perception" of archives and archivists in pop culture [Part 2]

Continued from part 1

This is contrasted in Fail Safe (1964). In the film, Professor Groeteschele (Walter Matthau), political-military advisor of the Pentagon, predicts that file clerks and convicts will survive, declaring they will be "protected by tons of the best insulation in the world", paper, asking people to imagine a "small group of dangerous convicts against an army of file clerks for the conquest of the remaining sources of life". He says that although convicts know violence, file clerks know organization, asking "who do you think would win?" Boria goes onto say that this film exalts the role of archivist, and records manager, as being "capable of organizing the memory of a records creator through the figure of middle manager". [7] A related video, when Groeteschele talks about saving corporate records, is shown above.

Reprinted from my Wading Through the Cultural Stacks WordPress blog. Originally published on Sept. 28, 2022.

This differs from the rediscovered file in Philadelphia (1993) where Andrew Beckett, a gay lawyer affected by AIDS, is fired by a law firm because of his disease. His lawyer tells him that relevant correspondence ended up in the records center when the case was closed. Then, there's the dull archivist at a records center, Lahontan Regional Water Board, in Erin Brockovitch (2000) who is convinced by Erin to let her look at the documents because she looks "sexy" to him. Of course, this is a bad perception of an archivist, who lets her stay in the archives without any supervision. What she finds there is helpful to her lawsuit against Pacific Gas & Electric Company.

Just as bad is the archivist in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, who declares the archives immutable and without error after Obi-Wan learns that the information is in the archives. He later realizes that something can be erased from the archives, even though it is "unsettling and dangerous" as Yoda puts it. This leads to, as Baria puts it, the idea that while archives provide "incontrovertible documentary proof of all activities that are documented and the records...preserved" but critical research cannot be "limited to the control of a single primary source". [8]

He concludes the publication by saying that while the figure of archivist is often a caricature, grumpy character or a person who hinders research, it can also be a "person who holds the absolute truth...a useless dreamer...a sucker...[or] a human larva." He adds that there are only a few cases, like in the film Fail Safe, that the archivist has a primary role as a "protagonist in a public or private organization". He qualifies this by saying this level of respect only rises when movie directors and screenwriters focus on the archives as a "sacred place" that preserves "memory of its creator and guarantees accountability and citizens’ rights" rather than archivists. [9]

© 2022 Burkely Hermann. All rights reserved.

Notes

[7] Doria, Gianna Penzo. Asterix, the Others, and the Archives: The Cinema perception of the archival profession (Bolgana, Italy: Filodiritto, 2022), 37-39.

[8] Ibid, 46-47, 52-58. On pages 59-60 he adds that Jocasta Nu was a Jedi Council member but "chose to return to perform the functions of archivist and librarian out of passion and thanks to a love for knowledge" making clear that archives are "knowledge and knowledge is power."

[9] Ibid, 76.

[about-faces]

The director Joel Schumacher has passed away, and everyone's reactions have boiled down to two topics: 1.) "He was the guy who made the bad Batman films," and 2.) "Hey, he did lots of great films besides the bad Batman films!"

Thing is... I get it. I remember being a teenage comic fan in the 90's. Not just any comics: especially Batman! But ESPECIALLY Bart especially Two-Face. I remember how "Joel Schumacher" was a name that could invoke white-hot rage in myself and everyone in the fandom. He was our modern equivalent of Dr. Fredrick Wertham, the boogyman who had (far as we were concerned) single-handedly destroyed the mainstream credibility of superheroes.

Look at that picture, and try to imagine that this was the face so loathed and mocked by Batman fanboys in the 90′s.

Never mind that Schumacher didn't WRITE the Batman films. The main credit for that goes to Akiva Goldsman, who has gone on to win an Oscar and continues to find A-list success despite ruining other geek properties like Jonah Hex and Dark Tower. Never mind that Schumacher was at the mercy of producers who wanted the movies to be nothing more than merchandise machines and toy commercials. No, Schumacher was the only name associated with the films, and he was cast at the villain.

The fact that he was openly gay played no small part in making him an easy target.

One year after the disastrous release of the infamous Batman & Robin, the beloved fan-favorite cartoon Batman: The Animated Series (then rebranded as The New Batman Adventures on the WB network) produced an episode that featured a pointed jab at Schumacher. The episode was titled "Legends of the Dark Knight," a reworking of a classic 70's Batman tale where a group of kids share their own ideas of what the mysterious Batman is really like.

Halfway through the episode, the kids are overheard by another kid, who shares his own ideas about Batman. The kid, whose name is Joel, has long dirty-blond hair, and works in front of a store which bear the sign "Shoemaker," despite clearly being a department store. He waxes dreamily about the reasons he loves Batman: "All those muscles, the tight rubber armor and that flashy car. I heard it can drive up walls!"

This last line--a reference to a silly bit in Batman Forever--he says as he flamboyantly tosses a pink fur stole around his neck. To drive home the joke, one of the kids dismisses, "Yeah, sure, Joel."

At the time, it seemed like a cathartic joke for us REAL Batman fans. Now, it's clearly just cheap and gross. Instead of any actual criticism about the films, Joel Schumacher was just seen--even if just subconsciously--as the fruit who ruined Batman.

Over time, the hatred for Schumacher lessened. Starting with Blade, X-Men, and Spider-Man, on through to Batman Begins, Iron Man, and onward, superhero movies became huge mainstream successes, with greater fidelity to the source material than most adaptations we saw up to the time that Schumacher "killed" the superhero movie. There was no point in hating him anymore, if there ever was (again, Goldsman more deserves that ire, if you're gonna be angry about anyone. Why does he still get work?! WHY IS HE NOW WRITING FOR STAR TREK?!?!).

But even still, especially among Millennial and Gen-X fans, Schumacher is still--at best--considered a low point for fandom. Even though the same generations have come to appreciate and love some of his other films, such as The Lost Boys, Phone Booth, and the chillingly-prescient Falling Down, there's still this need for people to dismiss the Batman films as embarrassments that are best forgotten in favor of Schumacher's better films. And if they're to be remembered at all, it's to trash them all over again in a tone suggesting that the films are objectively, irredeemably bad.

Except they're not. Oh sure, if you go in looking for a grim and gritty capital-M "Mature" take on Batman, of course you'll hate them, just like you probably also hate the Adam West Batman show. Remember, that show also used to be hated by decades of Batman fans because of how it didn't take the comics seriously.

... except it did. The show was VERY faithful to the Batman comics of the 50's, which often out-weirded and out-sillied its TV counterpart. If anything, the show made some of those stories even more entertaining with camp value and jokes that added different levels of enjoyment to the adults watching. Comic fans resented how Batman became a pop culture joke, and increasingly fought against anything that was colorful and campy (which makes me wonder if this might also be related to latent homophobia). Whether or not they admitted/realized it, the Batman fans of the 70's and 80's carried a chip on their shoulder about a show that DARED to make Batman FUN.

And really... how is that any different than Schumacher's two films?

You don't have to agree, but I think Schumacher's films are fun. I think Batman Forever is highly entertaining, that Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey are bringing their hammy A-games as much respected actors like Burgess Meredith and Caesar Romero brought to their roles. Same goes for Arnold and especially Uma in Batman and Robin. They KNOW what movies they're in, and they're all having a blast.

(How many of us remember the exact line Eddie says at this moment? I bet you probably do too, which should tell you something about how memorable this movie is)

Now, BF and particularly B&A are by no means GOOD movies, but you can't tell me that you couldn't have a blast putting the latter on at a party and riffing it with friends. It's not a pretentious, ponderous, self-serious slog like, say, the shit Zack Snyder cranked out (apologies to the one or two cool Snyder fans here, I just find his films interminable). Even besides the many things I could say to defend Schumacher's Batman films (that's a whole other essay), you can't say they were boring. They were entertaining, even if on a level of making fun of the film, and that is NOT as easy as it looks.

Let me put it to you this way: Batman Forever has, objectively, one of the worst takes on Two-Face I've ever seen. He's one-note, he's kind of a rehash of Nicholson's Joker, he gets completely overshadowed by the Riddler, he gets killed by Batman in a way that completely betrays the whole “DON’T KILL HARVEY” arc with Robin, and worst of all, he CHEATS on the coin toss. That alone would be enough for me to condemn this depiction in any other Two-Face story.

And yet, even I--the most passionate, opinionated, and picky Two-Face fan you will EVER know--still have a soft spot for Tommy Lee Jones' take on ol' Harv. He’s just too fun, too flamboyant, too damn extra not to love. If only all bad takes on Two-Face could be this fun!

But that’s the thing: it’s not because the script was good. Oh god no. I've read the script, and if it were put on the page like a comic, I would have hated it just like any other bad Two-Face comic. I have to imagine that, as director, Joel Schumacher deserves the bulk of the credit for pushing the restrained and laconic Tommy Lee Jones into that oversized performance, and making it a delight to watch despite everything it does wrong.

I'm rare for my generation to have learned how to stop worrying and love Schumacher's Batman. But the younger generation, the up-and-coming Gen-Zs getting into Batman, don't share the same grudges we did. There's a genuine, shame-free enjoyment of those films among The Kids, many of whom are LGBTQA+, who love the jokes, the silliness, the camp, the Freeze puns, the swag of Uma Thurman, and the homoerotic subtext between Two-Face and the Riddler. Maybe it's just a reaction to so much GRIM, SERIOUS shit that DC and their fanboys are trying desperately to push even today.

But comics--especially Batman--have a long history of colorful, stupid, fun shit. Schumacher's films carried on in that tradition, and they should be appreciated on their own merits by those of us who aren't limited by narrow ideas of what Batman "should" be, and who still remember how to have fun.

Schumacher's Batman films should no longer be seen as embarrassments. They didn't ruin superheroes. They didn't ruin Batman. They didn't even ruin Two-Face. Nor should they be disregarded in favor of Falling Down, like losers in a respectability competition. They're fun. They're entertaining. And they didn't pretend to be anything else.

And if you still think they're bad... I mean, objectively, you're not wrong! But be mindful of the reasons WHY you think they're bad, because on another subjective level, you may not be right either. And it's certainly not worth holding a geek-grudge over after twenty-five years.

[northlight14]

A love for love

Description: Roman loved love. He always had, even as a small child. So why was it so different whenever he was involved?

TW: panic attack, mention of making out but nothing is actually shown, cursing, questioning, unrequited love, let me know if I should add anything else

Ships: unrequited royality, platonic roceit, dukeceit

Genre: high school au

Prompt: prompt 6, aromantic (prompt by @pridewrite2021)

Roman loved love. He always had. Even as a small child, he'd watch wide eyed as Prince Charming leaned down and gave sleeping beauty true loves kiss, something so powerful that it was able to break an evil witches curse. He'd stayed up till early hours in the morning, squealing with excitement as he read about two warriors able to take on an entire army, motivated by their want to keep the other safe and stealing glances at each other as their metal swords collided with the enemies weapon. He'd sing his heart out when a romance song came on the radio, gushing about their love interest with such emotion that Roman adored.

Yes, Roman loved love.

So why was it so different whenever he was involved?

The earliest memory Roman had of this was when he was in first grade. Two of his classmates ran up to him giggling as they sang "Savannah has a crush on you!" Instead of feeling that overwhelming joy like the ones described in his books and music, he felt a deep cutting disgust in his stomach. Roman felt less like he could conquer the world and more like the world was going to swallow him whole. Rather than singing any great love song that he'd sang so many times in his room or in the car, he began crying instead while the two girls looked at him in confusion.

"It was just because I don't like her." Roman told himself.

But this feeling of being out of place only grew as his fellow classmates gushed about their boyfriends and girlfriends, crushes and which cartoon character they find cute. Granted, they were in second and third grade, so the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" roughly translated to "they let me borrow their crayon at break once and now we're in love and going to get married." However, this love for love spread like a virus and Romans desire to fit in only grew. So, during a sleepover with his friends, Roman looked upon the TV, at the princess Aurora and decided 'She'd make a good crush.' Before announcing it to the crowd of toddlers, the words immediately sounding wrong as he spoke them, as if he'd spoken them in a foreign language. He decided that night to never speak of his supposed "crush" ever again. Roman liked Aurora with Prince Philip much more, anyway.

Roman was in fifth grade when he was talking to one of his best friends, Valorie. The two of them just laughing and joking when his friends approached.

"Who's your girlfriend, Ro?" one laughed, putting his arm around Roman. And he knew it was a joke. He knew that. But it still felt like the arm hadn't wrapped around his shoulders and instead knocked all the air out his lungs in one hard punch. This moment lingered in his mind like a haunting apparition, quickly causing any friendships with girls to become strained. First only talking occasionally while in class or on the yard, to only talking when his guy friends weren't around, to only texting outside of school to nothing at all. Roman mourned these friendships but it had been made clear that boys and girls couldn't just be friends and the idea of people thinking he was dating any of these people made him feel like a caged bird.

Later that year Roman decided, despite his love for love, he didn't want to date. The reason for this being...

"I'm just more focused on my career."

"I just don't see the point in dating right now."

"I've never really liked anyone so what's the point?"

"I just like being more focused on myself."

And any other excuse he could possibly come up with, repeating them as many times as he needed to to believe them. Roman had always been a good actor, after all. But, of coarse, with this supposed decision came "reassurance" from adults, as if they had the ability to see the future.

"You just haven't met the right person, yet."

"You'll change your mind one day, when you get a bit older."

"All kids say that at your age."

"Roman isn't interested in dating YET."

These invalidating promises made Romans blood boil the more he heard them. It was as if he was yelling while trapped in a soundproof box, unable to escape. But, despite what seemingly everyone around him was saying, Roman knew deep down that romance just wasn't for him.

He also remained thankful that this love for love hadn't infected his friendship too much.

That was until seventh grade when what was originally a few cases of a love for love became an epidemic. It seemed that all anyone wanted to know was "do you have a crush on her?" "Did you hear that Lily and Reese are going out?" "Do you find her attractive?" This soon made its way over to his friends as they talked about how hot the girls were and teased each other relentlessly about who they liked. Roman once again felt like an outsider in his friend group. His friends conversations about their girlfriends may as well have been spoken in Latin.

Then the day came when his twin brother, Remus, came out as gay and started dating a guy named Janus. It then occurred to Roman.

"Maybe the reason I haven't been feeling anything for all these girls was because they were girls! Maybe I like boys instead!" Roman had never been a very logical person but this definitely seemed to make more sense. If he didn't like women then that surely must mean that he liked men instead, right? Because otherwise...otherwise Roman didn't know what that meant.

So Roman tried. Really God damn tried to find boys cute, to fantasize about dating them, to relate to gay experiences. But all he was met with was the same foreign and hollow feeling he'd felt when he lied about having a crush back in 2nd grade. Roman quickly began feeling his love for the concept of love diminish.

So when Roman entered grade 9, he decided to put anything to do with his romantic feelings (or lack there of) in a little box in the back of his mind to deal with later. Instead putting his passion and good acting skills to use by joining his schools drama department. The moment he stepped foot on stage, he felt himself come alive. The crowd, the praise, the creativity, it was addicting.

And it was only made better with the more friends he made. There was one person who he grew partially close to. Patton Heart. The two quickly became best friends, often hanging out outside of rehearsals and texting non stop. And, for the first time in what seemed like years, Roman was happy and comfortable.

That was until 10th grade. Roman way lying on his bed watching Netflix on his phone when a message from Patton came through. Roman clicked on the message and was caught massively off guard as he read it.

Patton: hey, Roman. So I've been thinking a lot lately. In particular about us and about you. And over the past few months I've started to realize that I have a really big crush on you. You're really handsome, funny and talented and I love spending time with you. It's totally ok if you don't like me back, but I figured it's better to be honest.

It should've been it. The moment when one of the main characters confesses their feelings for the love interest and they proclaim they feel the same way. Sparks fly and their hearts beat faster with excitement. It all becomes so clear when they hear that confession in movies and books.

But this wasn't a movie.

Roman felt time stand still as he read the message, his hands shaking so much he didn't think he would be able to respond even if he knew how to answer.

He couldn't breath. Why couldn't he breath?! The edges of his vision went fuzzy as he desperately gasped for air.

"Patton's great." He thought through his suffocating panic. "He's funny and charming and sweet. You should like him. Why don't you like him? What's wrong with you?!" Romans thoughts yelled as he tried desperately to hold back the tears threatening to spill over.

Not sure of what else to do, Roman ran to Remus' room, hoping he'd know how to respond.

Roman knocked on his brothers door and Remus responded with a very annoyed "come in" after a few beats of silence. Remus and Janus were sat on Remus' bed and Roman could tell from their slightly red lips that the two had been making out. But he wasn't in the headspace to even pretend to care that he'd interrupted them right now.

"Ugh, what do you want?" Remus said, clearly too irritated by his brothers presence to notice his distress.

"P-Patton just messaged me s-saying he likes me and I don't know what to say." Roman barely stuttered out, trying desperately not to cry in front of Remus and his boyfriend.

"Aw, cute. Roro finally got a man." Remus joked but Roman was definitely not in the mood for that kind of humor.

"Do you like him back?" Janus asked, calmly, clearly taking more notice of Romans distress.

"Well, I do. But not like that."

"Ok, so just tell him that. It doesn't have to be this whole thing. Why are you getting so upset?" Remus said, looking at Roman as if he was stupid.

Which, to be fair, Roman did feel very stupid right now.

"He's my best friend. I don't want to upset him." Yeah, that was the reason Roman was freaking out. He just didn't want to hurt Patton. That was it.

"Well, just say you don't want a relationship right now or some shit. Besides, he's probably more worried now because you've taken so long to answer." Remus pointed out. Yeah, Roman was never coming to Remus with his problems ever again.

"Yeah...ok." Roman said. Slowly, he walked out the room, noticing Janus looking at him curiously but deciding not to focus on it.

Roman: I'm really sorry Patton, but I don't feel the same way. We can still be friends tho. It doesn't have to be awkward between us. Especially because I really like being friends with you.

Patton: Yeah, that's ok. This is kinda what I was expecting to be honest. But yeah, I still wanna stay friends.

A few days later Janus came over again for dinner. Afterwards, Roman went into the living room and sat on the couch, scrolling through Instagram.

To his surprise, Janus followed after him and sat next to him. "So, how are you feeling after a few days ok. Broken his heart yet?" Janus teased.

Roman huffed out a laugh. "Uh, yeah, we agreed to just stay friends. Which I'm happy about but it's also really weird. I honestly don't know where we go from here which sucks because I really like Patton. Just not like...that." Janus nodded in understanding.

"You must care about him a lot if you had a panic attack just because you didn't want to hurt his feelings." Janus said. Roman just shrugged in response. "So, does that mean you like someone else?" Janus asked.

"No...I. I don't know. I've...I've never really liked anyone. I don't think I ever will. And people say I'll change my mind but...it isn't like I've made a choice. I've felt like this my whole life and everyone around me has had a crush on someone by now. I just... don't think I was built for romance. Which I know probably sounds stupid but that's just how I feel." He said, so honest it almost hurt.

Janus nodded slowly, taking in what Roman was saying. "It doesn't sound stupid." He said before pausing, as if considering his next choice of words. "Roman...have you ever heard of the term aromantic?" He asked.

"No." Roman answered, looking at Janus curiously.

"It basically means someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction. So they don't get crushes and stuff like that." He explained.

Roman felt his heart leap and for once it wasn't because of a fight or flight reflex. "Wait, that's a thing?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, a surprising number of people identify with it. I don't want to assume anything but I thought I might mention it just from what you've told me and what Remus has said in the past. Plus that panic on your face yesterday reminded me a bit of when I tried to force myself into romantic situations with girls." Janus smirked to himself.

That night Roman researched more on aromanticism than he did for his science test. The more he searched, the more it just made sense. Of coarse, he still had a long way to go towards self acceptance. Roman could feel himself already starting to mourn the idea that this was a choice he'd made ages ago and he was going to feel romantic love one day. It was an odd feeling, realizing that even though he knew deep down it wasn't a decision and he'd always hated when people made those comments, a part of him took comfort in adults promising that he'd change his mind one day. He was also horrified to realize that he didn't know what his future was supposed to look like now without romance. After all, media seemed to show single middle aged adults exclusively as depressed and lonely. But as he scoured through wiki articles to tumblr pages to memes, he knew this was a good start to unlearning any nonsense society had been shoving down his throat.

The more Roman learned and the more people he talked to online about it, the more he started to feel his love for love increase. But instead of it being centered on a prince and princess in a movie, two in love warriors keeping each other alive in a book or a cheesy love song on the radio, it was a different type of love Roman was finally starting to feel the more he accepted himself.

Self love.

Reblog’s >>>> likes

[slapmeagain-blog]

Five years ago...

11 November 2021

Trump won. And I posted the following on Facebook. Excuse me, is it Meta, or Facebook now? I see one thing on TV and another online. Does it matter?

Quoting myself, from five years ago, only because now, after having lived through his presidency and looking at what I wrote then, I don't feel the need to change a word of what I said. The words ring true still, and if anything, it's even worse than we had feared then:

"I'm still angry, almost 72 hours after it became apparent Trump would win.  I'm angry at the people who's vision of America is so radically different from mine.  People voted for Trump for many different reasons.  But there was one reason why no one should have voted for him: he finds it too easy to promote hate.  Put aside for the moment the he finds it too easy to disrespect and denigrate people of color, people who may worship differently or not at all, or have a different sexual orientation.  Put aside that with the same seed capital he was given by his family, a mutual fund would now be worth 10 times what he's worth.  Put aside that he was quoted in a national TV interview (I saw it) as saying that if he were to run, he would run as a Republican because .."They're the dumbest group of voters in the country."  That they, "..believe anything on Fox News.  I could lie and they'd eat it up."  (and they did.).

As a New Yorker, I have watched Donald Trump for over 30 years.  To 90% of us, he is as he has always been, 'the local billionaire buffoon,' an attention-starved narcissist, and a tasteless characterization of all that is wrong with American culture; its hedonism, materialism, its excess, just one more deviant from our core values.  I would never have believed in a million years that a nation of people who, as a whole, have more to be thankful for, more freedom, and more economic and social opportunity than any nation on earth or any nation in the history of man, would be completely fooled by a man who appeals to our basest natures, who lives a life in direct opposition to Christian ethics conservatives so passionately claim directs their lives (where were they hiding during this election).

As this juncture, I fear for my freedom, I fear for the freedom of all of us, not just Muslims, gays and lesbians, Latinos, women, for the sick, for the poor, for our immigrant communities, all of whom should be treated with respect and dignity, and shown that we believe they, too, are just as American as anyone of us, and that we are valued for the things we can contribute to our society.  I am afraid for the environment.  I am afraid for the planet as those engaged in 'willful denialism' feel vindicated about global warming because a charlatan is now president of the United States.

I am afraid for my grandchildren, for the message that this election sends to them.  That bullying is ok, that it's ok to hate blacks, that it's ok to treat girls as objects, transgender or gays as if they aren't human.  I fear they will lose respect for the office of the President, and the government he represents, our government, that they will cease to believe that they can make a difference in the lives of their neighbors, family members and their community, that they will become more insular and less community-oriented because what they are trying to achieve is not valued by our leaders or a majority of the members of society.

Many people I know and respect voted for Donald Trump.  I can understand that some people have problems with Hillary Clinton, and with Bill Clinton.  I do too.  I am angry with Hillary as well, for not being as open or as likeable as she needed to be so that people could get past her flaws to see that she was obviously the best qualified person to be our next President, on all counts.  But, to vote for a man who is so clearly unqualified, who has so many personality disorders as to make him dangerous, who lives a life that, if it were a movie, you would walk out of the theater either laughing or sick to your stomach, leaves me thinking that I have been sucked through a vortex into some dystopian alternate reality, and landed in zero-star SciFi film.

Leaving the outright red necks, neo-Nazis, KKK types, and schizophrenics aside, I am trying to figure out what motivated people who, in all other respects seem to me to be rational, well-educated, friendly, kind and well-meaning family types, step into a voting booth and do something so contrary to everything we hold dear as a nation and a people. Ignorance? Greed? Fear of 'the other'?

This is why I don't feel like I want to be in the same room with you.  I'm disappointed in you, and I'm tried of trying to understand why you did what you did, and why you felt it was ok to do it."

[iveofficiallygonemad]

Happy @luxyweek yall! Here r some headcannon based off of Classical Music

-aight so there are some orchestras where they'll play the soundtrack for a movie projected on screen live

- au where luka and xy both work as part of this orchestra, luka as a cello player and xy as the tech guy working w the lights and effects and stuff

- they started off on the wrong foot cuz xy was like "why dyou look like a rocker if ur gunna play orchestra" and luka was like "why dyou look like ur in a boy band if ur gunna be behind the scenes"

- so yeah theyre coworkers who sometimes jab at each other

- but then

- this years movie is star wars

- and luka manages to hear xy talk passionately abt it and explain a buncha his theories for the next episode complete with vreew vreew lightsaber noises

- that week during lunch break a large group of people decide that this Friday everyone who has a lightsaber is gunna bring it

- Luka has two: a purple and a cyan one

- xy brings his entire collection, he's got one in every color and even some of the double sided lightsabers

- so they end up battling it out

- they make eye contact

- its very gay

- xy does a buncha twirls n baddass stuff and lukas faster on his hits

- whenever one of them lands a hit on the other they stop using that limb, like in the game ninja

- long story short after luka got xys leg (hes hopping on one foot) he ends up falling on luka

- for the brief second xy is laying on lukas chest hes like, this is nice but no its not hes Luka

- anyways back to their kind of rivalry, one day xys being an airhead and lukas like, how hard is doing sound and lighting anywayz 🙄

- so xys like plenty hard and shows him all the equipment and gives detailed explanation and lukas like wait this is cool actually

- and then he's like I guess I coukd show u some basic cello stuff so we're even and xys hella excited bcuz music (even if he doesn't play it in this au) is hella neat!

- so he sits and holds the cello and lukas like, aight imma teach u part of the opening theme and xys like !!!!!

- so luka has xy hold his hand at approximately the distance the stickers are when you're first starting out so he's ready for the beginning note. After a lil bit he can do the very start of the opening! Hes very excited about it

- so yeah! Xy decides to go home n learn how to read sheet music, and prints it out and under each note writes down how many fingers hes gotta use

- so the next week he hesitantly asks luka if he can pluck on his cello during their break and lukas like sure?

- so xy pulls out his marked out sheet music and tries to play thru the song. As he gets to the harder parts he goes slower so the tempos off but its definitely Star Wars and when he's done he just grins at luka like :D how was that!

- and lukas kinda suprised/impressed yeah u wouldn't be half bad it u took some lessons and xys like ohoho maybe I will, then ull have some competition >:3

- except rather than it being a jab its more teasing/joking and they realize they are now friends!!

- oh yeah they also bond over Luke being gay and xy tells luka that he was his fave character as a kid xuz he made the death star go KABLAM! When Luka was a kid he liked han solo best but purely because he drove the millennium falcon and little luka loved pretending the Liberty was actually a space ship

[szivtalan]

character ask: kagami, momoi, alex and himuro 👀👀👀

!!! omg thank u Ceru! u might be one of my favorite mutuals <33 (putting this under a read more just so I can speak at lengths about each individual character)

Why I like Kagami: this is where I sarcastically ask “why DON’T i like him” but that’s literally the next question so; he’s everything i want to be and more. He has the determination and the willpower to make his own dreams come true, he’s gay as shit, he’s tall and buff and well-adjusted, mature enough to live on his own at an annoyingly young age, he’s funny and dumb and a total himbo as well as an excellent advisor bc of how grounded he is.

Why I don’t: I’m... not really good with explosive people. Violent men with loud voices especially scare me, and I’d think I’d flinch around him a lot and that would make me rlly anxious.

Favorite episode: it’s a toss-up between the Seirin fam visiting his place for the first time (is it where Kuroko confesses his love to him and then passes out in his arms? idk), and the onsen episode. I also loved all his plays against Kise and Aomine. AND the training camp w him running a lot in the sand.

Favorite season/movie: season 2 probably because he’s not a jerk anymore, but he’s still on his way to shed off any asshole behavior stuck to him. And I actually liked Last Game?

Favorite line: “There’s no such thing as useless effort.” and “This is our drama and we write the plot.” because he’s so ridiculous.

Favorite outfit: all of his casual fits... comfy but manly is my Jam

OTP: AoKaga....they’re truly soulmates, star-crossed lovers, canonically brought together by fate.

Brotp/otp no. 2: KagaKuro, I love them

Head Canon: I have several collections because I think too much about this boy, but here’s something I think about his family: he doesn’t know what happened to his mom. He never asked, because it wasn’t relevant, and he didn’t want to inconvenience his dad by questioning him. Occasionally, as a kid he felt like he was missing out on something (seeing other kids with their moms, feeling like they’re being treated with much more gentle care because they have moms), but as he grew older he realized that nurturing behavior shouldn’t have been limited to only a mother, and that he was just straight up neglected without any regards to missing a parent in his life.

Unpopular opinion: I never realized this was an unpopular opinion but I’m glad he went back to America at the end of Last Game. Obviously, it’s sad that he had to separate from the others, but I felt like Japanese basketball has always been just a stepping point to him, and now that he’d beat the best of them, it was time to move on. And it also warms my heart that him getting scouted in the US gave Aomine hope to aim big, too. I felt like both of them would’ve felt trapped in Japan with their skill sets.

A wish: I want him to be happy and gay and to confront Himuro and tell him how hurt he was by how he treated him and probably do the same to his dad too

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: ....whatever I’d say Shinsun has probably written it/will write it, but I don’t want him to forget about the GoM just because he becomes a world-famous athlete.

5 words to best describe them: sweet child with anger issues

My nickname for them: not mine (it’s Sypha’s) but “Kags”, Kagami, Tigerboy, Kagababe, Baby

Why I like Momoi: she is SO nurturing and sweet and she cares so much about her boys!! I’m sorry it always turns into “how they remind me of myself” but actually I get feeling like a background character and being the moral/emotional/physical support of those who are more talented or in any way better than you. I feel a strange kind of kinship with her and also,,, feminine girls make my heart stop, and it doesn’t get more feminine than Momoi. Added: Aomine aside, the Touou team wouldn’t worth shit without her skills tbh, and she’s not in any way less than the GoM. Also, I appreciate her being the one person to try to keep their friend group together.

Why I don’t: Analytical People Scare me like!! how do u know stuff people are Unknowable!! I usually am also irked by her pointing out Riko’s breast size but I can just pretend that’s in a gay way (maybe Momoi likes girls with small boobs and she’s just bad at flirting) (also I don’t exactly liked her calling Aomine a “ganguro” but I have too little knowledge on the use of this word to say exactly why)

Favorite episode (scene if movie): uh the one where Aomine made her cry? It really came through how much love she actually has for her friends at that one.

Favorite season/movie: she was great in all of them!!

Favorite line: I can’t remember the exact quote and Google isn’t really helpful either but the one where she made Kuroko promise they’ll always play together or something? Or that they’re gonna beat Aomine?? idk?

Favorite outfit: I like all of them but mostly I just appreciate her wearing so many hoodies, she looks so cute in them

OTP / Brotp: it’s both AoMomo. I feel like the have the most special and strongest bond in the entire series.

Head Canon: She’s never been shown to do, but I feel like she wears Aomine’s clothes a Lot. Also, they definitely have sleepovers To This Day.

Unpopular opinion: Momoi is good at basketball and she loves playing!!! But try being successful in it when ur opponents are Giants and Way More Buff than you are

A wish: I wish people appreciated her more!! Both in fandom and in canon. She’s an amazing person and she has her own skills and strengths that are rarely explored or even mentioned anywhere.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her falling out with her boys ;-; I do not want that

5 words to best describe them: strawberry sweetheart to steal ur heart

My nickname for them: Satsuki :> I feel like it’s a little too much to call characters on their first names sometimes but hers is so cute I can’t

Why I like Alex: yet again another woman with an extensive skill set. I love her persistence and again I appreciate getting disillusioned and finding your way back to the thing you love. Also it’s just sweet that she did that by teaching (again, something I can relate to)

Why I don’t: the whole “kissing children” thing rubbed me the wrong way but again, just like Momoi’s obsession with comparing breast sizes, it’s just bad/sexist writing from Fujimaki probably

Favorite episode (scene if movie): adshg any and all where she expressed that Himuro and Kagami are equally important to her <33 that shit makes my heart burst

Favorite season/movie: she only appears towards the end of s2 and in s3 so... I guess s3?

Favorite line: its so Bad that u literally can’t find the iconic quotes of these iconic ladies anywhere but... her story on finding her passion again through teaching kids, and anytime she mentions her fondness of Kagami and Himuro.

Favorite outfit: her iconic olive green coat with the short red shorts... wtf was that I loved it.

OTP: she doesn’t really interact with people her age but I’ve heard she’s shipped with Masako Araki and I’ve seen some seriously good fanarts and like... Yes Good I’d Love To See It

Brotp: I feel like her and Himuro would be that sassy pair that Kagami tries and fails to contain and they get into all sorts of weird, absurd situations asdjs what I’m trying to say is Kagami has to bail them out of jail from time to time

Head Canon: fck me if I’m wrong but she’s the lesbian single mom of the two gay kids she reluctantly adopted from the streets

Unpopular opinion: it’s more like another headcanon, but she can dunk and she taught Kagami how to do it.

A wish: I’d love her to coach the Seirin fam more!! Pls let her be part of her children’s lives (she could also judge streetball games between the goms it would be fun)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: anything about her being romantically involved with her pupils makes me.................no

5 words to best describe them: Beautiful Beach Blonde Basketball....goddess

My nickname for them: Alex!! sometimes An Icon

Why I like Himuro: em dash Asdgsdj I’m joking, I’m becoming more and more fond of the boy. Once I realized that he shouldn’t have been the “bigger person” in that situation and one year doesn’t really mean much when you’re that young and that hurt, I realized he’s actually a good and hard-working kid and I’m sorry for giving him so much shade. Also I really like his snark and sass, but that might not even be canon at this point tbh

Why I don’t: I’m still sort of irked by him beating down on Kagami because he was envious/mad, but I realized the aspect of that situation that Really got to me was how devoted Kagami still was to him after all that. That devotion was what felt toxic, nothing that Himuro actually did to him.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): the time they met up w Kagami just to exchange a dramatic socially distancing bro fist and a few encouraging words.... gays be Like That

Favorite season/movie: I really didn’t mind s3 Himuro

Favorite line: apparently he’s said some iconic stuff that I don’t remember (and my sources don’t seem really legit) but I’m gonna say “let’s see you become number 1, bro” because again, that’s just so ridiculous and endearing. On one hand he really went from loathing Kagami to rooting for him and wanting him to reach his full potential and on the other, honey ur  like 17 stop speaking like That

Favorite outfit: his knitted V-neck sweaters and the black coat with the white fur.... boy’s got all the fashion sense that’s missing from Kagami

OTP: can I say.....AoHimu asdfh I ship 3/4 of these characters with Aomine what does that say about me

Brotp: KagaHimu. They can be sweet, but I’ve only ever seen Jake write them really well

Head Canon: I’ve been entertaining the idea of....trans Himuro.....

Unpopular opinion: everyone thinks that Kagami is the violent kid and Himuro is the chill, sweet child who’s somehow wound up with this mess of a fiery tiger, but it’s actually Himuro who taught Kagami how to fight and Kagami learned quite a lot of aggression from him

A wish: I feel like Himuro should’ve gotten a separate episode to explore his thoughts, feelings and past. He had so much potential as a character Is2g

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: him quitting basketball would fucking destroy me. I’d be devastated for others too, but it would really pull on my heartstrings if he just dropped the only thing he’s been so passionate about.

5 words to best describe them: gender-non-conforming emo child

My nickname for them: Himu, Tatsuya, Tatsu

[larrythethird]

chess

i cant fuckign believe i found the login to this account holy shit chess is real

but anyway, if anyone from old ilasgoc is reading this just remember you are very gay and a nerd and i hope you are doing well in life and being the best person you can be. things got stupid with the group towards the end of things thanks to some people ruining it, and the group as a whole had super edgy humor back then, but it was the first real online community i ever PARTICIPATED in and nothing can ever change that (or chess). this isnt even my first account as lawrence iii and it’s dated back to 2013, who knows how old the first account wouldve been holy shit. i was a young lad back then, and now i am a grown ass chess man with grown ass chess man taxes. incredible.

more chess below

its weird to think that something as dumb as ilasgoc was can make me feel this way, but i owe a lot to the friends i made back then. it was a great feeling to know there was such a big community (300+ accounts at its peak) waiting for me, and they’d always get so excited to see new faces. i remember for a while i took a bit of a break after losing my first larry account, but when i came back everyone got so excited, i saw a huge flood of posts going “!!!! IT’S LARRY!!!!!!! WELCOME BACK LARRY!!!!!!!!” and that shit was heartwarming. almost as heartwarming as chess.

ive seen a lot of people feel nostalgia for the group, or say that they really miss it but feel weird about missing it for some reason or another, often because a handful of people in the group turned into jerks. thats okay to feel that way. we were never perfect, but we were still a big family of people all united by one thing: really silly pokemon crack rp. i wiped the posts on this account just because most of it was embarrassing as hell, but i dont regret being a chessmaster. i had a good amount of accounts, but getting to be one of the most important characters to the existence of the group really felt like an honor.

i still remember all of it. the dumb shenanigans, the art everyone would make from those dumb shenanigans, the chess, steven stoned, the skype groups, archer in the manga, mpreg alberto, gay is elm, its mine alone, the chess, bruno island, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAあああああああああ, all the bee movie and shrek stuff before those memes even hit their peak, the crackshipping that we were passionate enough to make into more than just jokes, the weird furry pokemon rp blogs that were at war with us because why not, the chess, the ridiculous canon we’d built by just going along with whatever happened that day, the post limit blogs we’d make because we were just that unhinged, the big group events, the chess, the joke ocs that grew to be proper serious ocs, the spinoff groups, the ripoff accounts that weren’t affiliated with us, the autoplay everyone had because we were heathens, the mad rush to make new accounts whenever a new Pokemon game was announced, the chess, the photoshops, the odd times ilasgoc stuff would leak out into the rest of tumblr and confuse people (i still see a couple of ancient posts that i know we made and its wild), the chess, the things that are not chess, and lugia

sometimes i still see people from back then still around, or people i suspect were ex-ilasgoc but i usually feel weird to say anything about it. some people moved on with their lives, some people kept making silly content to this day or run pokemon blogs/twitters, some people became Problematic™, some people even still have relationships with their old shipping partners in the group! i still see remnants of the group here and there, and it’s wild. sometimes i still see mentions of ‘that weird crack pokemon group that used to exist on tumblr’, and i feel like some sort of ancient entity carrying knowledge of the old (chess) world. so many people had a history with this dumb group regardless of where they are now or who they became, and i got to be one of them.

anyways, i guess what im saying is that i miss you guys (and chess) a lot and still think about all the friends i had back then. its just like how anyone would look back on a fond memory of their childhood and wish they could experience it for the first time again. it was an honor getting to be larry during those years, and i hope the people that were there back then are living their best lives, or are at least getting by well enough. if anyone does want to reach out to me feel free to drop a message, but just make sure to actually include another way to contact you since i doubt im gonna be checking this account often. i think it would be disrespectful to actually do anything new with this account now that i got back into it again, so instead i leave you with this longass message where i pour my heart out in all lowercase letters. Even though I actually talk more like this, nowadays. Thanks for the memories, and remember:

It’s Like a Simple Game of Chess.

[author-archive]

Author Interview: awickedplacethisis

Name: Simon

Tumblr: @awickedplacethisis​

Where else you can find them: ao3

What is the main pairing you write for?

Harringrove - Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington from Stranger Things

What inspired you to start writing for them?

The obvious tension between them in the show, and all the queer subtext I could see in Billy’s character! Plus, of course, all the amazing creators I found in the fandom. I wanted to contribute too!

Do you remember the first fic you ever wrote?

The first fic I ever wrote was definitely something Harry Potter related. The first fic I SHARED was a Simon vs. fic I wrote when the book came out, when that fandom was even smaller than it still is.

What fic/scene has been the hardest for you to write and why?

Billy’s relationship with his dad is always a challenge for me to write. Because we saw so little of it, and the little we saw was a mess. There’s a lot that hits close to home, whenever I write Billy in general. When I look back to the first time I ever wrote their relationship, I just want to go back and change it all. It’s a struggle, to capture something real, there.

What inspires you?

When I write, I get a lot of inspiration from thoughts running around in my own head, true events or just random things that COULD happen, to me. To someone LIKE me. But also, a lot of the beautiful fanart in the fandom give me real good ideas for fics. Just generally in life, my inspiration comes from fiction, I think. I’ve always read a lot, and that feeling of seeing something on paper that could happen to you, or would never ever happen, having that grip you and keep you in a whole different world, that feeling means a lot to me. Literature plays a big part in all aspects of my life, in the end.

Do you have a writing process? If so, what's it like?

Oh... I don’t think I even know my own process, really. I try to always have something at hand, a phone or computer or notebook, so I can write down ideas as soon as inspiration hits. That’s probably the only consistent thing, I write down all my ideas, big ones or small ones, because I know I forget them within the minute if I don’t. And from there, I usually try to find the “eye of the storm” first. What does the whole fic revolve around? How does it come to that place? Why does it change? Honestly, my projects are messes right until they’re done. Snippets of dialogue here, some author notes to myself there, delusional 2 am writing hidden away in a corner.

How would you describe your writing style?

My writing style is... messy. But that’s why I like it. It’s filled with cut off thoughts and italics, ‘cause that’s how I think. And that’s how I’d like to imagine those characters think. It’s also slightly influenced by the poetry I read, and just other literature in general. All though I try to be careful when it comes to that, ‘cause I’d rather something be plain when it comes to wording, than to be all fancy in a way the characters would never think. My writing style is like mundane poetry, if that makes sense.

Is there anyone that influences your style?

Not really, at least not consciously. I definitely take up tips from other writers, both in fandom and published authors. I see things I like in someone else’s writing and remember it for the next time I write. Something I think influences me a little is “The book of disquiet” by Fernando Pessoa.

What's your favourite line that you've written? This was a tough one, really. Probably this one, from my fic “the first time I saw the ocean (it was in your eyes)”

“to find darker blue in the lighter, specs of green so vivid that it’s weird he’s never seen them before. Maybe he’s never really looked , before.”

It’s really not a deep line or anything, but it really just captures Steve’s unknowing longing. The way he wants but he doesn’t know what. The way he sees so much that he’s never seen before, doesn’t really know what to do with that.

What do you find to be the easiest part of writing?

I don’t know if it counts, but nsfw content is definitely the easiest and non challenging stuff for me to write. ‘Cause just on a base level, it doesn’t really hold any depth. It can, depending on what you do with it, how you write the characters inner turmoil and everythin’. Other than that, I feel like it’s easy for me to write dialogue, all sorts of it. As a theatre kid, scripts have always had a big appeal, I guess.

What's the hardest?

The hardest is definitely getting to the point. I’ll spend too many words on building up a backstory, and then the actual plot just never happens. Backstory can be nice, but some fics call for that “being plunged right into the chaos”, from the start.

Why do you write?

I write ‘cause I’ve learnt no one else is going to give me the fiction I want. No ones gonna write characters like me if I do nothing. Sure, it’s starting, the whole diversity thing. But I won’t sit around and hope someone will write a book or script a movie with characters I can see myself in. I’ll write it myself. Of course, writing is a passion of mine. It’s not just that I wanna see myself on a page or a screen. The way we have languages, ways of creating stories and immortalize them, it’s so amazing to me. And I love it.

Why do you share your work?

I share my work in hope to make someone feel something. I want people to read words I’ve put together and feel things, feel pain or happiness or sadness or hope. Anything. ‘Cause it’s so baffling to me that words can DO that. I also want other people to be able to see themselves in something. A lot of people turn to fanfiction to find some kinda story they can see themselves in, and if I make even one person feel like they belong thanks to my work, I’ve succeeded.

Is there anything you’d like to share from a current WIP?

I’ve got quite a few of ‘em, and too little organization to finish them. Here’s an excerpt from my fic “the first time you said sorry (you used all the wrong words)” - part 2 of my “a series of firsts (in a way)”

“Nothing changes, except Steve can’t stop thinking about it. And he’s great at not thinking about it, but blue eyes and rough hands and deft fingers keep following him. That feeling, too. The one that gripped him, locked him in place. It choked him, left him heaving. Maybe it’s ‘cause it was Hargrove. He’d find some way of hurting him, even if he didn’t pound his face in. Maybe it’s the queer thing. The thing he’s never, ever thought about. The thing he locked away, kept away. Maybe it’s a sign that he’s not, that it’s so wrong that his body protested against it, locked itself in.”

(Italics got removed, but you can imagine I overuse the hell outta them)

Question from an anon: as a gay man, how do you feel about straight women who enjoy m/m fanfiction?

Now, this is quite the heated subject. And I do have a lot of feelings about that. Both as a gay man, and as a fanfiction writer. First, and most importantly, if what you enjoy is not harmful to you or anyone else, it’s okay to enjoy it. I’m all for enjoying things. As a content provider, my whole goal is for people to enjoy themselves. And I’d never restrict my content to one group of people, ‘cause everyone has the right to consume free media, and I want to share my work with everyone.

Straight women have the same right to enjoy content as any other person. Whatever floats your boat, do that. But, one thing needs to be clear. Enjoying m/m fanfiction in itself is nothing more than that. It doesn’t make you an ally of the community, and it doesn’t make you apart of it. Honestly, its just fetishizing. If you consume gay porn, it’s ‘cause it gets you going. If a straight woman consciously searches out gay porn or m/m fan fiction, its fetishizing.

And the extreme fetishizing of gay men in media is a problem. We’ve been given breadcrumbs of representation only to now be used as bait for straight girls who think it’s just sooo cute to see Timothée Chalamet get fucked on screen. And I get angry about that. I get angry that the representation we need is redirected to other people, people who really don’t care about the community as a whole further than their cute gay (and cis, and white) couples. I hate that. But i can’t sit and pretend like I have some sort of moral high ground. ‘Cause I make content that feeds into that. But it’s different, with fanfiction. I make content for MYSELF, and then whoever sees it, good for them. If all of my readers were straight women, I’d be fine with that. As long as they know that all they do is enjoy porn that fits their fetish. Or, if its not the smut, its still to an extent that. Fetishizing or romanticizing a group of people. And you do you, as long as you know that’s all you do.

Enjoy the harmless content you want to enjoy. And fanfiction is harmless. Just, this is the important part, don’t act like you’re doing more than that. You’re not a gay icon or an ally or super woke for reading about two fictional characters who interacted once fuck. You’re enjoying yourself, and thats fine. But in the end, its nothing more than that.  We’re a community, and you gotta stick up for everyone if you think you’re even close to an ‘ally’. Queer folk stick together. And when i say i don’t mind straight women reading my work, I gotta make one thing clear:

My work is to LGBT+ people, from someone in the community. I write because we deserve to see authentic people like us in fiction. And I’m doing my part to make at least one person feel like they can see a character and think “this is me”.

[willowistic22]

I saw that your requests are open so I was wondering if you might have any ideas as far as jomike and/or newsbians maybe with the group playing truth or dare.

I’m sorry this took so long hehehehe. it’s also fairly longer than my other requests (and i mean it this time) so uhh... oops? I am also trying to work on those other requests ppl don’t worry i didn’t forget them! Anyways, unpopular opinion: brotp jojo and kath pls let that sink in :) mentions of alcohol btw but it’s just them drinking and having fun and that’s abt it (i’ll still put a tw in the tags just in case) 

send in some requests!! Or not i’m not the boss of you lol

It sucks sharing an apartment with two other people and being the only single one out of the bunch. At times his roommates would schedule a date night on the same night, which would leave Jo Jo all alone. It has happened more than once, believe it or not. Well, Jo Jo isn’t exactly salty. He’s fine being single. What he doesn’t like with his situation is the part where he’s left behind in their empty apartment. 

These are one of those nights. But Jo Jo pushes through the lonely feeling and searches for company. It’s a good thing his good friends, Kathrine and Davey lives just a floor below him. They usually have movie nights together and wouldn’t mind with another friend crashing in. 

Jo Jo passes a few doors before he arrives at his destination. He knocks on the door, fully expecting Davey to be answering the door. If it’s movie night, he’s sure Kathrine is wrapped up in a blanket on the couch with no desire of moving a muscle. 

The door was answered, but not with who he initially expected. The other Jacobs sibling, Sarah, who just so happens to be Kathrine’s girlfriend. The optimism nearly fell off of Jo Jo’s face but he quickly picked it up to avoid giving the wrong impression. 

“Sarah! I didn’t know you were here!” Jo Jo tried to cover up his disappointment. 

“Well, Davey’s out so Kath invited me to join her for movie night!” 

They didn’t turn away their lonely friend. Though, third wheeling a couple was not what he was looking for. It just makes him feel more lonely. But the couch is big enough for the three of the to cuddle. The feeling of the fabric against Jo Jo’s skin is a little rough but the orange comfy cushions makes up for its roughness. 

Jo Jo bounces a bit on the couch before settling under the huge pink fluffy blanket with the couple. It’s big enough for Kathrine and Sarah to be cuddling on one side of the couch and let Jo Jo be an outcast on the other. 

He tries to ignore the fact that Kathrine has her head laid on top of Sarah’s chest. The occasional small kisses Sarah gives Kathrine and the butterflies from the pit of their stomachs they express through small giggles. The apartment is dark so the visual can be easily ignored by hyper focusing on the TV screen. Though, Jo Jo can’t shake away the feeling of its presence. 

The movie that Jo Jo can’t recognize, moved on to a passionate kissing scene. As if tormenting him with his two friends beside him is already doing the kissing themselves isn’t enough. He hadn’t realize he sighed out too loud when Kathrine sat up from where she was lying down. 

“Oh, Jo Jo, I’m so sorry! We didn’t mean to left you out of the cuddling!” 

Kathrine proceeds to shift closer to Jo Jo, wrapping her hands around his torso to give him an apology bear hug. Jo Jo didn’t turn it down and hugs her back, hearing Sarah giggling behind. 

They let go and moves a little to the center of the couch. Sarah shifts closer too so they can snuggle up with them and they concentrate back on the movie. The only things is, the movies sucks and is boring the hell out of them. 

“Why’d you even pick this movie in the first place?” Jo Jo asked after the two girls expressed their boredom. 

“I don’t know, I just picked a random movie hoping it isn’t bad” Kathrine confessed. 

“Okay... so now what?” Sarah asked the others. 

So there’s the new problem that emerged from the shadows as Kathrine turn the lights on and Jo Jo stops the movie. No other activity came to mind. Not even picking another movie since the girls already spent nearly an hour watching some lame movie. 

“I know!” Sarah suddenly chirped up after a few moments of silence. Kathrine and Jo Jo looked at her hopefully, “A game of truth or dare perhaps?” 

“I’m not interested in doing any dares right now” Jo Jo replied. 

“Then... let’s make it a game of truth or truth!” Sarah continued on. She shifts a little closer to the two but kept her gaze fixed on Jo Jo with a grin painting her face, “If you could date one of us, who would you date and why?” 

So it appears Jo Jo is up first. Not exactly sure when did they decided it though. He squints his eyes at the girl and tilts his head in confusion. 

“Ignoring the fact that we’re all gay here. Of course you wouldn’t date either of us but if you had to choose, who’d it be?” 

Since there isn’t anything else for them to do, Jo Jo plays along with this game of truth or truth. Half an hour asking others questions, real spicy ones too, they were having a blast in the end. 

Kathrine opens up the beer stash she and Davey keeps, but if they’re being real: Kath is the only one that really needs that stash. Sarah shares a bottle with Kathrine and Jo Jo passes the offer. 

“Tell me, Jo Jo: why are you still single?” it was Sarah’s turn again to ask Jo Jo a question. A fitting one as well, since the reason he came here is to not be lonely while his two roommates are out on their respective dates. 

He rolls his eyes before diverting them back to where the other two girls were, still sitting in the same position they were the whole time, “I just haven’t found the right one yet!” 

“So Mike’s not the ‘right one’ for you?” Kathrine plainly asked, as if it wasn’t suppose to be a secret he was keeping with a few other people. 

His eyes Kathrine down with silent rage. Sarah’s eyes widen and her jaws dropped to the floor. She was laughing breathlessly when she heard her friend having a crush on another friend she hadn’t expected. 

Jo Jo isn’t up to argue with her so he just slouches back in the couch with a pout and a loud sigh. Sarah’s laugh and Kathrine’s cheeky grin at him is infuriating. It’s quite hard to ignore it too since they’re both up on his face. God, he wishes he has the heart to punch the light out of them. 

The bullying only lasted for a minute or so. Sarah stops laughing as soon as she noticed the visible pout on his face. But she couldn’t hold back the grin. 

“Alright, alright, stop it you two!” Jo Jo said, before slouching again with his hands crossed. 

A few seconds of silence to wait for Sarah and Kathrine to come down from their high. Once Sarah caught up with her breath, though the excitement was still verbally there, she speaks up, “So how’s that going on?” 

“What?” Jo Jo gazed at her confused for a second. Not that he didn’t understand what it meant, but rather at the fact that she doesn’t understand the situation, “You think I’m the kind of guy that can make the first move?” 

As much as Jo Jo loves his friend, Sarah is out of her mind to think Jo Jo can make any form of progress. He doesn’t know what Mike’s reaction would be if he does. Hell, he wouldn’t even know where to start!

“I mean, easiest way to do it is by talking to him” Sarah added on, “You never know till you try!” 

“I wish this was truth or dare. I would’ve given you a dare to go talk to Mike right now” Kathrine commented. It’d be a very fitting dare since Mike lives with his twin brother Ike just a few doors down. Though, she’d expect Jo Jo to chicken out and switch to a truth. 

Regardless of the unfortunate circumstances, they keep playing. Sarah, being the only one who isn’t entirely in the know of Jo Jo’s crush, kept asking questions about it in between turns and sometimes she makes it her question to him. Kathrine already knows because Jo Jo often talks about it to her. 

If you ask him, Jo Jo doesn’t even know how he’d gotten his feelings tangled with his friend in the first place. It suddenly happened and it hasn’t left his system ever since. If he could, he’d do something about it. But Mike’s far out of his league, he’s sure of that. Plus he’s probably already busy with someone else. So what’s the point in trying? 

A knock on the door brought their laughter to a sudden stop. It couldn’t be Davey, since he’d already have the keys to enter his own apartment. As Kathrine recall, her roommate didn’t left his keys at home. Even if he did, he’d call Kathrine beforehand. 

The three observes the door quietly, bodies frozen in place and simultaneously thinking of the same thing. They exchange looks to each other before focusing back to the door. 

Jo Jo stands up from the couch and tip toes to the door. His movement are careful as he gets his hand closer to the doorknob. There was more knocks, since it’s left unanswered for quite some time, followed by a familiar voice calling from the other side with a familiar voice that makes his heart drop, “Davey? Kath? It’s Mike!” 

He could not have such bad timing than to come knocking on the door right now. What can be so important that the next morning couldn’t wait?  

Jo Jo twisted his head back to face the girls who are now smiling widely, visibly trying to hold back a laugh. They gestured him to go open door but Jo Jo refuses, frantically shaking his head with a look of horror behind his eyes. 

“Hello? You guys home?” Mike called out again with a few more knocks. 

Jo Jo starts to sweat. His legs glued to the floor, unable to escape his problem. Kathrine rolls his eyes with an annoyed sigh, getting up from her seat to get to the door. Jo Jo isn’t sure what she’s going to do but it was too late to stop her before she realizes she’s opening the door for him and proceeds to hide herself behind it. 

Mike froze for a moment, surprised to see the boy’s face, “Jo Jo? Wh-what’re you doing here?”

Jo Jo couldn’t answer quickly, his brain not being able to pull him away from the sudden act Kathrine just pulled on him, “Uhh... hi” 

A slap can be heard in the background. Jo Jo can feel the disappointment from Sarah’s distant facepalm. He hears a silent sigh from behind the door, Kathrine deciding to step in and save the day with a huge smile on display. 

“Hey, Mike! You need me to return that cooking pot?” 

“Oh, yes! I need it for tomorrow” Mike answered, moving his focus to Kathrine. 

“I’ll go fetch for you but it’s gonna take some time” Jo Jo is slowly realizing what Kath’s up to and he can’t do anything about it, “In the mean time...” 

A big shove from the back made Jo Jo’s feet obey to the movement since his brain isn’t registering to what’s happening yet. Mike, being confused as to what’s happening, didn’t move an inch which resulted into Jo Jo crashing into him. The door shuts behind them and they’re left in the front hallway of the apartment. 

Jo Jo didn’t move at first other than moving his head back to get a better look at what’s happening. His head is inches away from Mike’s, chests’ pressed up together, and limbs getting tangled. Both faces show obvious confusion and a hint of embarrassment at the situation they’ve gotten themselves. 

They stammer at their words, head scrambling all over the place as they try to figure out what’s the next move. Mike takes one step back with an awkward smile, an unnatural thing for him to do since he’s always so fun and relaxed.  

“I... wasn’t expecting to see you in there tonight” Mike tried to ease away the awkward tension. 

“Yeah, I just... I was looking for some company” Jo Jo explained. 

“Being single sucks, huh?” 

“I mean... not necessarily. I’m fine but it can get a little lonely” 

Mike nods along, returning to his easygoing demeanor, “Yeah, I get it. Ike basically leaves me stranded in our apartment when Hotshot comes to pick him up” 

Jo Jo just nods silently. 

So new information of the day: Mike is single. Jo Jo’s brain starts to get excited. But he knows better to shut that thought away with the knowledge of needing to consider in more factors. 

Mike coughs, taking this chance to look away. The moment is slowly getting awkward. The two boys not knowing what to do other than rocking themselves on their own pace to ground their nerves. 

“What’s the pot for?” Jo Jo blurted out, now fully realizing the awkwardness between them is slowly getting intolerable. 

“Oh, our parents are visiting tomorrow. We’re gonna make dinner for them” Mike answered, “And it’s Ike’s chance to introduce them to Hotshot so he wants things to go as smoothly as possible” 

Admittedly, Jo Jo has never felt the nervous feeling of introducing someone special to someone as important as parents, but he’s sort of associating it with what he’s feeling right now. The context is not the same yet he somehow understands the feeling by just standing here. 

“And... you’re not inviting anyone?” Jo Jo timidly asked, “I mean, I know you said you’re single but... there just have to be someone out there... right?” 

Mike scoffs with a smile and Jo Jo swears on his life his eyes just twinkled, “No point in asking them, we don’t even talk” 

Jo Jo laughs a little and scratches the back of his head, “I guess you’d be moving things a bit too fast if you did that” 

More awkward silence envelop the two. Jo Jo is praying for Kathrine to return with the pot. Although, he knows Kathrine is taking her time on purpose. But finally, the door opens again only Kathrine wasn’t the one walking out. 

“Eavesdropping to you two are going to be the death of me so I’m going to interrupt the conversation!” Sarah said, standing in between the two boys griping the pot with both hands. 

“Even from behind the door, I could sense the sexual tension and you guys have to do something about it or I’m about to throw hands!” Sarah continued on, “Admit it! Like literally just admit it: you like each other any dumbass can tell you that! Now kiss!” 

Sarah jots the pot in between her upper arm and her side so she can grip both of their shoulders and shoves the two forward. Somehow, they were able to capture each other’s lips perfectly. The boys’ eyes widen from the sudden act. Despite Sarah’s hand are no longer gripping their shoulders, they linger in the kiss for a few seconds because of the shock their brains are experiencing. 

The finally found the realization to pull away from each other, recollecting their scattered minds and steadying their breaths. Jo Jo is refusing to believe this is reality. He did not just kiss his crush right then and there for no reason!

“Now that we’ve established that, here’s your pot Mike!” Sarah shoves the pot towards Mike. He fumbles with the pot as he hasn’t fully has his feet back on the ground, much like Jo Jo, “Alright, see you later!” 

Sarah drags Jo Jo back in the apartment and shuts the door. She turns to a still shocked looking Jo Jo with a smile, “See? Progress right?” 

Jo Jo cocks his head to face Sarah, stuttering a few of his words before finally blurting out, “Not like that!” 

Kathrine watches the two from the couch, now occupying the newly popped popcorn, “I mean, that was kinda funny but I think you just ruined his chances now” 

“Well, I’m sorry. I just got annoyed from the pining!” Sarah exclaimed. She returns to her spot next to her girlfriend on the couch, leaving Jo Jo where he’s frozen in place and still trying to process what just happened. Sarah turns back to where Jo Jo is, “And for your information: I wasn’t lying. I know for a fact that he likes you!” 

Kathrine and Jo Jo gives her a questioning look. To which, she answers, “He admitted it himself” 

Jo Jo’s jaws drop and his eyes widen once again, tilting his head in wonderment, “WHAT?!” 

[queermediastudies]

Call Me By Your Name: A new attempt for queer movies

Call me by your name is a queer film directed by Luca Guadagnino, starring Timothy Chalamet, Amy Hammer, and Michael Stuba, in January 2017 It was screened at the Sundance Film Festival in the United States on the 22nd. The film is adapted from the novel of the same name by Andre Acimon, and tells the story of a 24-year-old American doctoral student Oliver who met 17-year-old Elio in Italy, and the two developed an ambiguous relationship. In November 2017, the film won the Best Picture of the 27th Gotham Independent Film Awards; on November 29 of the same year, it was selected as the top ten films of 2017 by the British "Empire" magazine; in December of the same year, it was awarded the 2017 Tenth Film Institute Best video. On February 12, 2018, the film won the American Screenwriter Guild Award for Best Screenplay in the category of film; on March 5 of the same year, it won the 90th Academy Awards for Best Adapted Screenplay. The story takes place on the Italian Riviera in the 1980s. The sudden love is like a wild beast running out of the forest, grabbing the body and mind of 17-year-old Elio. He fell in love with Oliver, an American doctoral student who was 6 years older than him and came to Italy to travel. The two were fascinated, hesitant, and tempted towards each other, allowing their passions to burst out, and they achieved a first love that lasted only six weeks. This beautiful summer love left an indelible mark on the hearts of the two. The performance that really stood out in the film came from 21-year-old Chalamet. He played Elio has many "firsts" in the film. He doesn't have too many lines, but Chalamé uses his own facial and body language to transform this character into a character that everyone can understand at a glance. people. The last few minutes of the film without a line of dialogue is a rare close-up shot of Elio in the film. This shot is very attractive. The chemical reaction between the men is obvious, but more importantly, the two actors can convey the complex feelings, expectations, and ideas between the characters without opening their mouths. This movie is one of my favorite movies all the time. After learning some queer theory and LGBTQ knowledge, I think I can analyze and deconstruct this movie from a more professional perspective.

After watching this movie, the first thing I thought of was the intersection of culture and queer issues. Sexuality does not exist alone. It is integrated with society, culture, religion, education, etc. It involves different content of knowledge and social factors. Intersectionality helps us understand the diversity and complexity of identities, and allows us to examine issues more comprehensively. Just like Ahmed mentioned in 2006: "After all, both queer studies and phenomenology involve diverse intellectual and political histories" (p.5). Although the whole film does not describe how homosexuals are discriminated against, Struggling with one's own sexual orientation, there is no race, and the shackles and constraints of the social system need to be broken, but the cultural background that the director vaguely expresses through the lens language is differently ignored. One of the most direct is that Oliver wears a six-pointed star pendant around his neck: a symbol of Jews. Here, the freedom from the United States collides with the conservativeness of Italy. As we have shown, the queer problem is impossible to put aside everything that exists independently, even without political and social factors. In addition, the film also incorporates the question of queer into the discussion of the family framework. In the film, Elio has a pair of enlightened parents. The mother's understanding and father's enlightenment made this ignorant and beautiful relationship not a shadow in Elio's heart, but a treasure in his life. I like his father’s words at the end of the film the most: "How you live your life is your business, Just remember our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once." Elliot is happy, and his mother knows what he wants, What he likes, his father knows his inner struggle and suffering, and he lives in an open family. In the previous class, I remembered that in the video Mia showed us, it was mentioned that many queer groups lived carefully in the last century and did not dare to let friends or family members know their "secrets". From this point, we can compare the importance of family in the queer problem, which is an issue about understanding and tolerance.

Another point I want to focus on is not the content of the movie itself, but the market and audience that the movie faces. "However, within television, audiences matter – a lot. In particular, the imagination of audiences matters because demographics determine which advertisers might be interested in shilling their wares in the spaces between the narrative" (Alfre & Martin, 2018, p.1) The film is a sophisticated work. The director has mastered his own high-speed editing and eye-catching close-up style. The rhythm of the film is very suitable for the hot Italian summer in the film. The details of the film are very special. The trust and power of the characters in the film will make ordinary audiences who are not familiar with it feel very rich. It is this kind of film craftsmanship that will let people know that the film can create resonance from an almost spiritual perspective. According to Doty (1993), "Queer" is a practiced mass culture, which is accepted and shared by different audiences to varying degrees (p.2). This film is not limited to LGBTQ groups, it is more like a movie of the same kind A new attempt to allow a more diverse audience to find a microcosm of their own life from the emotional development of the protagonist to the regretful ending. It is not only that the audience group is not defined, it is a diversified process from production to presentation. "'Queer'" can be used to describe an authorial voice, a character, a mode of textual production, and/or various types of representation practice. Filmmakers, forms, and audiences-not necessarily identified as gay or lesbian-can rather be understood as queer" (Benshoff & Griffin, 2004, p.2). As this sentence says, this movie is no longer a queer main movie in its own sense. What it wants to present to the audience is just a paragraph A beautiful and slightly regretful love story.

And in the following part, I would like to share some of my personal views and comments on the film.Before I saw this film, I only felt that the title of this film was very sentimental. Although I knew it was a story about the same sex and had won numerous awards, I was not particularly interested this time because I was disappointed in Carol first. I thought, alas, maybe another film won the award by relying on the same sex stunt.But after watching the movie, my heart was calm for a long time.Should this relationship in the movie be called sweet or regrettable?It's sweet because you have a wonderful and romantic time together.Sadly, it was clear that the relationship was not going to last, as Oliver's holiday was over and the couple were likely to be separated for the rest of their lives.Alas, sad romance ah.In the scene at the train station, the director handles it with great restraint. The two men don't even speak, just a deep hug. Then Elio smiles and watches Oliver get on the train.Elio struggled, and his grief manifested itself when he finally called home, crying and asking his mother to come pick him up.Seeing this paragraph, I already shed tears.People in love generally hope to be together all the time, but separation, often bring is tore heart crack lung pain.In the film, Elio's pain was also restrained. Maybe in front of his mother, Elio had to restrain his emotion, but because of the pain of separation, he could not cry, but could only twist his face into a lump. I have to say that the director showed the character's emotion perfectly.I want to say, Elio was still very happy, he came back home, my father said to him the meaning of a passage, it is the world 90% of the parents could not have said, he told Elio, do you have a wonderful friendship, perhaps more than friendship, you may now pain, sad, but don't let this feeling disappear, not to mention there have been happy.What a waste it is for us not to feel in order not to feel.I think it was a great comfort to Elio that their relationship was validated, that it was real, and that even though they weren't together, the joy they had would make this summer memorable.This reminds me of a sentence we learned at that time: "Het Culture think of itself as the elemental form of human Association, as the very model of inter-gender relations, as the indivisible basis of all community,And as the means of reproduction without which society wouldn't exist "(Warner, 1993, p.21).This film shows us that the beauty and simplicity of relationships should not be mixed into the so-called mission of reproduction.Love this abstract thing is unrelated to gender, just a warm attraction between two people.

"Do you mean what I think you mean?" The tone of the whole film is like these dialogues, full of ambiguity, whether day or night. Two shy people fell in love and started a classic couple life. However, there was no banquet that would never end. Oliver had to go. The night before parting, Elio saw Oliver dancing with the stranger on the road, squatting down and vomiting violently. Vomit is not only because he is unable to drink, but also because he is about to part with you. He sings and dances with strangers to his heart's content. You are like an outsider. The person you love deeply, like Mount Fuji, doesn't belong to you, and then the miserable heart quickly vomites out. The next day, the platform whistle, two people smile goodbye, the train left, take away your favorite person, you finally can't help but wipe a tear, crying in the place he can't see. At this time, he called his mother to pick her up. His mother comforted him in the car. When he got home, his father boiled chicken soup for him to drink. He felt sorry for his parents. Father's several bowls of chicken soup, the child immediately stopped crying, and even lit up hope, the professor is really not a fuel-efficient lamp. Two years later, on Hanukkah, it was winter in the small town. Frozen ponds, withered fruit trees, and heavy snow all implied the tragic fate of the hero. Elio received a phone call from Oliver, like an old friend, "I'm going to get married." then there was a classic blessing. I was numb to see. I didn't know that the screenwriter even asked Elio to say "Elio" six times. I admit that A few words almost tears, and then Oliver's soft call "Oliver", I knew the story began to point. There was a light in the eyes of the boy by the fire, but I believe he was happy at that moment because I felt the same. "Queerness is not so much a stable, clearly defined sexual orientation as it is a way of seeing and experiencing the world" (Ruberg&Phillps, 2018). This film gives me a totally different way of experiencing and seeing events. If Jack in Brokeback Mountain is warm and cheerful, and Ennis is is silent, two people forced by life fall in love on Brokeback Mountain, and eventually Yin and yang are separated. This is the real world. Then Call Me By Your Name is more like a hazy poem in the sunshine. It is a new attempt to integrate queer and the film industry. It makes people ignore the cruelty of reality and social system, and only devote themselves to the beautiful world brought by movies.

References:

1. Ahmed, S. (2006). Queer phenomenology: Orientations, objects, others. Duke University Press.

2. Doty, A. (1993). Making things perfectly queer: Interpreting mass culture. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press.

3. Alfred, L. & Martin, Jr. (2018). Pose(r): Ryan Murphy, Trans and Queer of Color Labor, and the Politics of Representation. LA Review of Books. URL: https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/poser-ryan-murphy-trans-queer-color-labor-politics-representation/

4. Benshoff, H. M., & Griffin, S. (Eds.). (2004). Queer cinema: The film reader. Psychology Press.

5. Warner, M., & Social Text Collective. (1993). Fear of a queer planet: Queer politics and social theory. Minneapolis, MN: University of Minnesota Press.

6. Ruberg, B., Phillips, A., Pozo, T., Stone, K., & Youngblood, J. (2018). -Queerness and Video Games Not Gay as in Happy: Queer Resistance and Video Games (Introduction). Game Studies, 18(3).

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #306

i’m v talkative today so pardon my jabbering below.

What is the strangest type of candy you have eaten? I think I've had one of those lollipops with a bug in it before as a kid? I don't remember. What would be your most ideal profession? A freelance photographer. But I'm honestly starting to lose hope. Have you tried those coloring books for adults? Yeah; it's funny you mention 'em, 'cuz a family friend got me one for my birthday earlier this month. What is a topic you definitely don't want to talk about with anyone? I don't like talking about my sexual history, doesn't matter who you are. It's just uncomfortable. What was your first gaming console? An Atari. Is there something you're eagerly waiting for? What is it? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* MAY NEEDS TO FUCKIN' HURRY. My tattoo appointment is set then. :''') Do you/have you ever belonged to an organization? If so, which one? I was a Girl Scout when I was young. What is something you're very passionate about? Nature conservation, gay rights (equal rights in general, really), the pro-choice movement, and then there are less "important" things like certain hobbies interests and such. I'm sure there are more big ones that are just slipping my mind right now, considering I feel passionately for a shitload of stuff. What are you studying or what was the last thing you studied? I majored in Art & Design with a focus on Photography in college. But guess who dropped out. What was the last present you gave someone? I don't know... I mention enough that I don't have a source of income where I can really buy anything. I think the last thing I did was a Christmas gift for Mom a year or two back of a drawing I did of our late dog Cali, whom she absolutely adored. Do you enjoy plays? If so, what was the latest one you saw? Not really, no. What was the last thing you achieved? PHP has helped me focus on little victories, so prepare for an underwhelming answer haha, but it's something. I Facebook messaged an old friend I really wanted to catch up with, and everyone in group cheered for me. :') It was really heartwarming. What a shocker that this program is really helping me once again. What is something you would like to achieve at some point in your life? I would love love love to take at least one "famous" or award-winning photograph. It'd be such amazing validation that I'm talented at something I love so much. What is one philosophy you have regarding life/living/purpose? That's... difficult to answer seeing as I'm trying desperately to find my purpose. I do try to live by this old quote a therapist said once: "Deal with life, or life deals with you." I think it holds an incredible amount of depth and meaning in such a short phrase. How would you design the inside of your own home? I don't know the details of it, really, besides that shit is gonna look like a Halloween house year-round. I can imagine wanting black furniture, too, and having loooots of decor expressive of what I love and find comfort in. Gotta make a house feel like a home just for me. What is a band you remember liking from your childhood? Backstreet Boys, duh. Do you ever get mad at people for not having the same opinion as you (i.e. abortion being wrong/right, meat-eating being wrong/right)? Two things: it depends on the topic, and "get mad" is the wrong term for what I feel. It's more disgust; ex., I'm repulsed by anti-gay rights people and want absolutely nothing to do with 'em, but I'm not like, mad at them. Do you edit any of your pictures? In what ways? Oh yeah, and it definitely depends on the raw photograph. I edit depending on the mood it emanates; like if you've seen my roadkill photography versus nature shots, there is an extremely distinct difference in editing style and vibe. I'd say in general though, I tend to like to brighten my photographs and add more vibrance. If you like to take pictures, what is your motivation? God, I could write an essay on this. I just love and am so thankful for the fact we can literally freeze time forever with the click of a button and look back on fantastic sights, beautiful moments, memories... It's just magical to me, and I adore contributing to that art. Would you ever consider living anywhere cold? Well yeah, that's my preference, actually. What is your absolute favorite food? The spicy shrimp fritas from Olive Garden, jfc. Would you ever wear snake-skin pants, or other animal clothing? Fuck to the absolute hell no. What foreign country would you like to go to for a shopping spree? Idk, considering I'm not well-versed in the artistic creations of other countries. Perhaps India? Japan? I dunno. If you met your favorite musician, what would you ask him/her? I'm asking for his fucking autograph and a hug while I smile my face in two AND cry lmao. What do you spend most of your day thinking about? I ain't gonna bullshit nobody, my PTSD. In some way or another, he's lurking in that head of mine through memories, flashbacks, wonders of what could have gone differently... but thank God it's no longer in the forefront of my mind after my first PHP. I've come very, very far, but especially when trying to blank out my mind to fall asleep, parts of PTSD strangle my brain until I'm just finally out. I really hope that changes someday. Where is a busy place you would like to go to? Yikes, nowhere, really. I like to avoid busy locations. Do you think video games cause people to become violent? Absolutely not. You are responsible for the decisions you make; music, games, movies, etc. have no deciding voice in stupid shit you do, and it's bullshit that people blame art and entertainment for such things. Vocabulary: What was the last word you learned? I'm unsure. Have you or could you build your own site? Absolutely not from scratch. The closest I've gotten to that is my photography website, but it was through the assistance of Wix. What's the best thing you can cook yourself? Scrambled eggs, haha. I do make some bomb eggs at least. Are there a lot of graffiti around your neighborhood? No. Do you have a hobby that forces you out of the house? If so, what is it? Nature photography. Would you stop eating meat, if you had to raise and slaughter it yourself? Absolutely. God, I want to go vegetarian again... Besides English, what other languages can you speak? I can speak a very little bit of German. Took four semesters of it in high school and became very good at it, but lack of practice has pretty much ruined that. Besides English, what other languages can you read? I can read German well; as in, I can pronounce most words I see, but that doesn't mean I understand what is written. Do you think you could make it as a chef? Gordon Ramsey would deadass kick me off his show on day one, lmao. What's your favorite kind of tea? It marvels me JUST how many tea and coffee questions are in surveys. Anyway, I don't like tea. I am an embarrassment to NC culture. What thing/person/happening has made you the happiest you've been? lask;dfjal;wekrjwe What's the most freeing thing you've ever done? Stealing my happiness back from someone who had no right to hold it all in its entirety. That shit's mine. Do you think today's kids are really impatient? Most, probably, but in some ways I can understand it - at least, in the sense that with the assistance of modern technology and advancements in satiating our wants so quickly, kids just expect it. I definitely believe that patience is something to try to be deeply instilled in everyone, though. I don't have an ounce of it (in most situations) and wish I did. Have you ever tasted birch sap? No. How about the young buds/shoots of spruce trees? No. Which edible flowers have you tasted? One of my favorite Southern experiences is finding a bunch of honeysuckles and tasting the honey (is it technically even honey??). Tastes amazing. My family's hairdresser lives down a beautiful path that sprouts a massive amount of them, and as kids, my sisters and her two boys would go tasting them while our parents talked for so long, or if we were waiting our turn. Good memories. What has been your worst restaurant experience? I'm not sure, really. What's the most immature, adolescent thing that still makes you laugh? "Inappropriate humor type jokes." <<<< They can get me sometimes, too. Have you ever had a life-threatening condition? If so, what was it? No, thankfully. Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? I don't believe so, no. Besides making a tye-dye one in HS with our school colors. Wasn't my idea and never wore it, haha. Do you ever read other people's survey answers? It depends on the person. If it's a friend, absolutely, because I love learning usually obscure things about them I wouldn't have known otherwise. If it's a user I don't know from wherever I got the survey, sometimes, depending on how short the answer is and my eyes kinda just scroll over it. Do you like daytime or night time better? Why? Daytime, especially mornings. I'm generally happier when there's light around. What's your highest level of education so far? Some college. Describe your ordinary day: My average day is embarrassingly uneventful. It's sitting on the laptop doing shit on various sites, none of which are actually important, and playing WoW, which is also without true substance, save for social interactions with my friends on there. I spray Venus' terrarium everyday multiple times as well to keep the humidity up, and obviously eat and handle that kinda bodily needs stuff. Would you ever have a UV tattoo? Ugh, that'd be so dope. I've seen some awesome ones, but idk if I'd get one, considering when am I actually going to be under UV light?? Like I wanna be able to see my tat. What is the brand and color name of your favorite lipstick? I have one black lipstick, but it comes right off so I don't even like it. I only ever put it on to take pictures. What do you like on your tortilla? Just ham and cheese. How about inside your pita bread? I've never had pita bread, actually. What do you like in your burger? It depends on where I'm getting the burger. My basic is cheese, ketchup, mustard, a bit of mayo, pickles, and a light sprinkle of diced onion, but sometimes I add bacon and take away the onions. How about on your pizza? I have three I tend to pick from: pepperoni, jalapeno, or meat lovers. Do you work better alone or in a group? Alone, definitely. Which body part would you not mind losing? I'ma be extremely honest, with just how horribly weak my legs are, I could live without them, I guess. Not saying I want to by any means, it's just exhausting using them. Ideally, I'd take away something minor, like a finger or something. What common saying people use is absolute BS to you? “'Everything happens for a reason.'” <<<< Fuckin' colossal "same." I won't rag on people who believe it, especially if it gives you courage to keep moving forward, but I don't believe it in the slightest. If it were so, I'd like to talk to whoever is in control of those "reasons," please. What is the most interesting thing you’ve read or seen this week? I had no idea elephants were pregnant for two years, like holy shit, can you imagine. It was in an article I saw on Facebook about a mother and daughter elephant who are both expecting and doing well. Wonderful to hear. What’s the most useless talent you have? Ha, I'm a master in the arts of catastrophizing and jumping to conclusions involving people hating me in one way or another. What’s something everyone looks stupid doing? I'm one of those people who hate dabbing done by anybody, like you look like you're just smelling your armpit. Which kids’ movie scarred you for life? I wouldn't say "scarred me for life" by any means, but when I was little, I was terrified of the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz and even had nightmares about her. It sucked because my little sister was obsessed with that movie, haha. In one sentence, how would you sum up the Internet? A source of incredible knowledge but also hate and misinformation. What would be the most ridiculous thing for the government to make illegal? I literally dread the idea of Roe vs. Wade being reversed. Banning abortion would kill so many people with operational uteruses and cause absolute pandemonium. How many friends do you have on social media and how many of them do you know for real? On Facebook, I have 124 friends, and I'd say I know most of them "in real life." However, having been on the Internet since I was so young and befriending loads of incredible people, a good chunk are "online friends." Hell, I'm more interested in their lives than most "real" ones. Long-distance friendships are so valid. What fact amazes you every time you think of it? Lots of things, generally regarding the stupidity of humanity. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? Probably going to the beach w/ my old friend Colleen. We had zero plans of doing it, but she just called me one morning and asked if I wanted to go, and off we went. It was a fun day. What has taken up too much of your life? I'ma be real, WoW. I don't think I'm addicted to it like I once was seeing as I go through spans where I barely want to play it at all and don't, so I truly am capable of not playing it, but rather it's just the most entertaining way to kill time in my life. I just don't like how much time I've invested into a game over six or seven years regardless. Where do you not mind waiting? Uh, nowhere lmao. Is there an app you hate to use, but still use every day? No; why would I use it if that was the case? Who is the funniest person you know? My friend Girt is fucking hysterical. What three words describe you best? Complex, passionate, and creative. What makes you think you’re smart? Lol who says I think I'm smart? Who inspires you? Korean Jesus. Okay on a serious note, not just him, of course, but he's #1 in an entire universe of ways. Do you aspire to be like somebody else? If so, who? No; I want to be my own authentic self. How did you meet your best friend? YouTube, back when it had more social aspects. Which one of your accomplishments are you the most proud of? I want to say my recovery, but like... I wonder a lot if it's "enough" to be proud of with how scarred I still am? I still struggle with a lot and feel like I could be so much better by now if I tried harder. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think it's finishing high school in the top percentile of my graduating class. There was a ceremony for the handful of us and all, and I cherish my plaque probably too much. Reminds me of a time when I knew what the fuck I was doing. What's the strangest thing you ever did as a child? Thinking I had "animal powers" where I could invoke the traits of certain animals at will, like what the actual fuck, Brittany. What did your mother teach you? Christ, a lot. Dad didn't do a lot of the raising, honestly, so much of my core values and whatnot were instilled by my mother. She taught me to care for and be nice to others, respect myself, try my best in everything, and most importantly that she is always there for me and my sisters no matter what and can tell her absolutely anything. She was very serious about us going to college and saving sex for marriage when we were younger, but she diverged from those ideas as absolutely necessary with experience. I'm extremely lucky with who I call my mom, overall. What did your father teach you? Eek... Read above. Not a lot as a kid (save for riding a bike and playing softball); most he's taught me has come following reuniting with him after my parents' divorce. I remember we went to lunch once and talked about my breakup, and he talked to me about sometimes, you just have to let people go in order to be happy, like with him and Mom. He's very serious now about ensuring us girls know that he is always there for us and will help us in any way he's capable. What makes you feel powerful? "Powerful" isn't something I really feel, if I'm being real. What are you ready to let go? It would be inexplicably fantastic if I could let every speck of Jason go in both my head and heart. What is your most bizarre deal-breaker? I don't really find any of my expectations and limits as "bizarre?" They're all valid to me. Well wait, idk if you'd find it strange that I absofuckinglutely would not date someone who hunts, but it's not to me. That's a difference in a very serious value to me. Would you rather be hated or forgotten? Hated. God, I don't want to leave this earth having given just nothing. I can live with some people hating me for whatever reason. What’s the biggest personal change you’ve made? Accepting my bisexuality, probably. That's something that I consider pretty big for two reasons: 1.) I could end up with a woman forever, and especially 2.) I was originally homophobic. I still have difficulty in fathoming how I ever was. What are some of your short-term goals? PHP is finally starting to make me build these again. I want to get better at selfcare, draw, write, and read more, I want to drink a lot more water, exercise way more... Lots of things, really. What is the weirdest thing about you? Uh. I dunno. Probably that I RP meerkats, which is a very obscure RP niche for sure.

[elyreywrites]

do you know who you are?

a fic written for Pride Month 2020!! (yes, i know pride month is over, but i posted this on AO3 on June 30th so.) this is a projection fic. it’s not an exact projection of my experience, nor is it meant to be a generalized representation. this isn’t everyone’s experience.

warnings: slight mention of Jack and Janet Drake potentially being homophobic, and discussion of compulsory heterosexuality

thank you to my betas in the Capes & Coffee Discord - Bumpkin, ZulieTheProgrammer, and Oceans!!

title is from Moana’s “I am Moana”!

please REBLOG - DO NOT REPOST

AO3 Link

Teen 1,678 words Bart Allen & Tim Drake & Kon-El | Conner Kent slight one-sided Tim Drake/Jason Todd - as in, tiny-Tim has a crush on Robin-Jason

Summary:

He’s twelve and watching Robin fight. He’s seventeen and staring up at the ceiling. He’s nineteen and text-spamming his best friends.

Tim’s growing up and finding himself, and he would really appreciate if the Realizations didn’t happen when he’s trying to sleep. Kon and Bart would probably appreciate that as well.

- - - - -

It starts as he’s watching the second Robin knock out some muggers. It’s not the first time Tim has seen Jason’s Robin take down a group of criminals, but it’s the first time that he nearly gives himself away as he squeaks.

 Jason’s so strong, and cool, and pretty, and – oh. Ah. Okay.

He calls it a night at that, bright red from the questions that are swimming around in his head. He spends most of the trip home lost in thought. When he’s sitting on his bed, one of his best pictures of Jason’s Robin sitting in front of him, he gives them a voice. Talking usually helps him get his thoughts in order. “Okay,” he whispers, “do I like boys?” He doesn’t dislike them – not at all. But does he like them? Maybe, but… how is he supposed to know? “Is that too big of a topic?” he wonders aloud to the picture. “Let’s start with this: Do I like Robin? Jason-Robin.”

That doesn’t turn his brain into a jumbled mess like the previous question did. Of course he likes Jason-Robin. He’s absolutely amazing, protecting people and checking on the working girls and kicking criminal ass! He’s only a couple years older than Tim is, but he does so much more! And he’s real in a way Dick isn’t.

Jason’s just a kid like Tim, though they have such different backgrounds. Dick was a trained acrobat, with skills Tim never really believed he could learn. Jason seemed closer. He was still more amazing than Tim could ever hope to be, but it wasn’t an entirely impossible stretch like it was with Dick.

“And he’s so passionate, especially when it’s a kid that’s in danger. And every time he smiles, it just makes me so happy that I kind of want to giggle and—” Tim stops babbling. He doesn’t need to anymore, after basically answering his own question. Yes, he does like Jason Todd, the current Robin. As in, he has a crush on him. Tim falls back on his bed to stare up at the ceiling.

“Well,” he says, “that explains the weird, squirmy feeling I get in my stomach every time I imagine talking to him.” That feeling is always accompanied by a fierce blush and Tim hiding his face for a good two minutes. He thinks he probably should have caught on sooner. Deciding that was enough Realizing Things for the night, Tim quickly locks the picture of Robin up with the rest and collapses on his bed to sleep.

The next day – a Saturday, which is Mrs. Mac’s day off – Tim hops on the computer and starts researching. He has a crush on one boy, but Tim still thinks girls can be cool. Batgirl is pretty awesome, after all! After a few hours and a lot of new information, he settles back on his bed again. He’s bisexual, and sexuality can apparently be really fluid. In all honesty, it didn’t take him hours to find the term, he just fell into a rabbit hole of researching sexual orientation and gender identities. Tim’s fairly secure in his gender, but he’s glad to have learned. It’s something to keep in mind about other people – to not assume anything based on appearances.

He’s bisexual, with a crush on a boy, and his parents will still expect him to only date girls. At least the boy was Robin and completely unattainable.

- - -

Years later, Tim is laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling once again. It’s a different bed by now, in his own apartment at seventeen. The thing is, he’s pretty sure he has no interest in romance. And now his brain was mixing everything up in a tangle of thoughts and feelings again.

“Holding hands is nice,” he admits. “I like cuddling. That was fine.” He hasn’t gone further than making out with anyone, so that’s about the limit of his physical experience. It’s the implication of emotions that makes him want to skitter away. Specifically, emotions of the romantic variety. Now Tim’s reassessing every romantic relationship he’s had, though he’s only ever dated women.

At the time, he had thought he was happy while in each relationship, but… it’s becoming much more likely that it’s because he was previously starved for affection. He suddenly got that affection while dating someone. That thought makes him want to hide from everyone he’s ever dated. Stephanie is the only one he really still has to see, and that has him burrowing under his blankets.

It sounds awful, honestly. Like he was using the relationship to get the affection he so desperately wanted. Logically, he might be overthinking this. He just wishes his dumb brain would tell that to his anxiety and the ingrained societal expectations. “I didn’t mean to,” he mumbled into the blankets.

Romance, dating, being happy in a relationship? He has no other experiences to reference! He didn’t know that something wasn’t right.

Hell, he’s only having this Realization because a woman was flirting with him at a gala and asked if he would like to get dinner together sometime. A romantic dinner date with a woman he wasn’t close to. The entire scenario would be romance with no physical affection, and that didn’t sound pleasant in the slightest. It did, however, make him realize that he might need to think things through again.

So, here he is. Thinking things through. No romance – if he’s remembering his research correctly, the term is ‘aromantic’, similar to ‘asexual’. Asexuality was something he’d heard more about over the years, but he rarely heard of aromanticism. It had just stuck out because while the terms were similar, their meanings were pretty different.

Now he’s glad it stuck in his mind. It gives him less reason to panic about being confused. So, he was bisexual and aromantic. That’s fine! He’s a vigilante, romantic relationships would be difficult anyway.

- - -

A year and a half later, Tim’s fingers fly across the screen of his phone, sending text after text without waiting for a response. Either his friends would wake up or they wouldn’t. Hopefully they would.

Tim: Oh my god. Guys, wake up, I’m an idiot. Bart, Kon, please. I’m so dumb. How the hell am I this oblivious? I’m not bi-aro at all. I’m just fucking gay. It’s 5 am and I can’t sleep, and I just want a boyfriend. I want to do couple things, like cuddle up while watching movies.

Clone Trooper: dude, it’s the middle of the night. why do you do this to us?

Tim feels no sympathy for his friends – he’s been running on less than six hours of sleep for years. Sometimes less than four hours. High school and vigilantism don’t mix well. Anyway, they can deal with waking up to deal with his Realization.

Sonic: bro we cuddle up when we watch movies are we not good enough for you anymore

Tim: Yeah, but that’s platonic, Bart. And yes, I’m aware of the time. I’d like to be asleep too, but I’m lonely and sad and having Realizations! Suffer with me.

Clone Trooper: … suffer how? are you expecting us to have an existential crisis too, or is this just suffering by being awake?

Tim: Being awake. It’s not an existential crisis, it’s just a Realization.

Sonic: its the middle of the night i think it can be deemed an existential crisis

Tim: But seriously, someone please tell me how I jumped passed the logical conclusion I should have come to of “I’m just not attracted to women” and directly to “I have no interest in romance at all”? How did that make sense to me?

Sonic: society conditioned u to like women

Tim blinks at his screen. Bart isn’t wrong, but Tim has absolutely no idea where he’s going with that. He already had the Realization about societal conditioning, thanks.

Tim: Okay? I’m aware, but I’m not sure how that translates to how I didn’t think of the logical conclusion.

Sonic: dude. for years it was a fact – since you were a kid u were so conditioned that u should like women it was just a fact

Clone Trooper: think of it like this, tim: as far as you knew, you liked women. later, you figured out you like guys, but you still think you like women too.

Tim: We’ve established, yeah.

Clone Trooper: so, suddenly something is weird. the only really new thing is that there is romance involved. so that’s clearly gotta be the issue.

Oh. He stares so long the screen goes dark. He drops his phone on the bed and stares up at the ceiling, turning that over in his head. So. He jumped to not wanting romance because it was so deeply ingrained that he was supposed to like women? His exhausted brain seems to accept this explanation enough to calm the edge of self-recriminations.

Tim: That. Makes sense, I guess. But still, it really seems like I should’ve realized a while ago. Also, I’m kind of surprised that you aren’t teasing me for being oblivious.

Sonic: oh thats coming but teasing is saved for when u arent having a crisis

Clone Trooper: later, we’ll absolutely laugh about that jump in logic. but right now it’s too early and you’re already having A Time.

He’s not sure if he has wonderful friends or terrible friends. Tim suspects that he’s still going to hear about this in a few years. It’s the kind of thing they won’t let die for a while.

Tim: Fair enough.

Clone Trooper: great, glad we got that cleared up! now tim...

Tim: What?

Clone Trooper: please. GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP.

Snickering, Tim plugs his phone in and smothers his face in the pillow. He’s still lonely and he still wants to analyze every missed evidence over the years, but he’s also exhausted. The chat with his friends did get his brain to shut up enough that he might actually be able to sleep. He can rethink his entire life again after he wakes up.

[sevensoulmates]

Yeah!! you're right, also that part of the toxic fandom does not realize that if they continue like this they will achieve the opposite of what they want (that is, Buddie becomes canon) and that Oliver and Ryan feel annoyed with the ship (something that I am sure they are starting to feel or already feel)

So I took some time to ponder over this because I’ve been seeing this general assumption/fear going around not just in the 911 fandom but within other fandoms as well, past and present. And I just became curious as to why we as an audience feel like if we make a wrong step--like being too pushy about something we do/don’t want--that creators will do the opposite to spite us.

In this day and age, it is very easy to access content creators, even ones who exist as part of a larger corporation. I did some research about how fans have generally been able (or unable) to impact how a show or movie has moved forward with any particular story and it seems that those who have (shows like Arrow that changed up storylines/pairings to suit comic book fans or fans of other ships) have been met with backlash and ultimately no satisfaction for anyone. I’ve also read of some shows (example like BBC Sherlock) adding in meta-level “fans” to their show, or writing in “undertones” to please fans, and that backfiring because the show didn’t actually want go forward with it, so when they backtracked (or didn’t make certain plotlines/ships canon) people were upset because of the false hope they were given.

We’ve also seen the rise in fan support saving certain show from cancellation. We watched it happen with One Day at a Time and with Brooklyn Nine-Nine. What was important to realize on that end, was that the shows weren’t “saved” by their original networks, but were instead bought up by other networks who believed the show could fit their brand and wanted to continue it and still felt like they would find those fans shifting to watch wherever the show went. These shows were saved not because of fan support (although that was a big factor) but mostly because the networks that bought them saw potential in continuing the show.

On the flip side, we’ve seen fan petitions to do things such as re-make the entire last season of Game of Thrones, or remake Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. Neither of these fan petitions ever even came remotely close to influencing creators. But then we have the negative backlash of things like Sonic the Hedgehog where fans literally bullied the animation team into redesigning (and therefore re-making entirely) their film. But in that case the creators didn’t necessarily change up the story but rather a character design. Still, it showcases that fans DO have some sort of power to influence things that happen higher up. But how much really? In my opinion, way way less than we think we have.

From what I’ve read (and you can google ‘fan impact on tv shows’ if you want to read some older and newer articles), when it comes to the writing of shows, most creators and their writers are not writing to give the audience every little thing they want--but rather, they write to create the story that the writing team wants and the story that they best feel suits the characters. And this might not always line up with what the fans believe best suits the characters. Of course, TV shows WANT fans to enjoy what they make. They want to have fans in the first place. But because of how active people are online, and how easy it is to have your voice and opinion reach someone high up, fan voices are beginning to be drowned out--purposefully. 

When you have large-scale protests, such as the huge backlash The 100 and several other shows received for perpetuating the “bury your gays” trope, these criticisms are not petty complaints about ships or contradictory lore, these criticisms are about socio-cultural level problems that NEED to be addressed due to the harmful and deadly ramifications they can have on real world people. These protests are needed so that going forward, other media are AWARE of what ramifications may come from such decisions and can make better choices when telling their stories. Shows that have failed to comply often face heavy backlash--or are quick to get the boot (looking at you The Magicians). For problems like this, creators absolutely should be listening to their fans. For things like shipping, or other minor disagreements that are based heavily on individual fan preference, creators can very easily let that roll off their backs.   

My point is that with the ever-closing gap between fans and creators, fans voices have grown louder, yes, but creators ability to tune it all out has grown stronger. TV shows want passionate fans. And those who have been in the field for a while know that comes with having obnoxious, disrespectful, and rude fans as well. At the end of the day, unless a show is writing in storylines or character stereotypes that are disrespectful or harmful to groups of real people, they should not have to bend to every will of every faction of fans. And most won’t. Because you can’t please everybody, so the writers and creators are going to choose to do what works best to them. At the end of the day creators/writers are going to do whatever they want and take the storyline wherever they think is the most interesting (and logical) for their characters. (An aside to say I’m talking about shows that actually know what they’re doing in the writers room--not shows like Riverdale (no offense)).

Shows (like Supernatural for example) are always going to choose to do what they want to do above anything the fans say they want. If they want to make a certain ship happen, they’ll do it. If they don’t, they won’t regardless of how vocal fans (or antis) are. What show writers do and don’t want may shift over the course of time. It happens. (Like for example, in my personal opinion, I don’t believe the writers were at all trying or necessarily wanting to write Buddie as a legitimate thing/possibility in s2, but with s3 I feel that has changed). When writing to please fans, you can risk certain decisions coming off as pandering (like in Star Wars:TROS). And when certain decisions feel inauthentic to the show or underdeveloped/OOC for a character (even things that people claim they really wanted) it can feel disappointing even to the most loyal of fans.

For 911 specifically, we’ve seen that the show can and does focus on character’s love lives. It’s not unreasonable to expect that from them like it might with say shows like The 100 where the plot-heavy sci-fi action has always been the priority for the show’s writers, above whatever romantic side-plots they have with their characters. And we’ve seen that 911 is generally positive when it comes to how they represent queer characters (as for other minority rep, 911LS has some issues on the muslim rep, but I am not qualified to speak on that as someone who is not muslim). The show is not perfect in it’s writing, they’ve made mistakes or done things that not all fans have liked, but from my perspective (and I think a lot of other people’s perspectives too) the show does its best to remain true to its characters and tell a genuinely interesting and engaging story. The show (both the writers, producers and actors) seems to care for their characters and the stories they give them a whole lot.

So, tldr, no. I don’t think the writers would simply choose to not make buddie a thing if they genuinely thought it would work for their characters and the story they want to tell. Even if the shippers are obnoxious and annoying. Even if the actors may occasionally get frustrated with shippers online. If it was right for the show, and right for the characters, I do feel like 911 would go for it. Hell, they might feel like buddie is right for the show/characters but not right right now, and that’s where character development, plot development and relationship development comes in. Ladies, gents and non-binary pals, that’s where patience comes in. 

In the meantime, show your enthusiasm! But be respectful, always.