#its how i made my sticker designs

[mxboxlocks]

INTRUDER ALERT!

alt below!

[mikeystrawberry]

Today is Dungeons & Daddies’s 5th Anniversary!

I haven’t been listening for nearly that long but the podcast and all its characters means a lot to me. Happy Anniversary!!!

Throwing the cropped sections under the cut because there’s a lot of stuff going on and I know Tumblr likes to throw half the pixel quality out the window. And also so I can ramble a bit about this piece!!!

This piece has been months in the making, possibly an entire year. And by that I mean I’ve had a sketch of the comp scribbled on my whiteboard for ages because I wanted to save this specifically for 5th anni art. Now onto design stuff!

(First off a random thought: I really love how the garlic knot came out, I kind of want it as an enamel pin.)

I knew I wanted to make this a stained glass piece since the beginning, but I was also going to add flowers at one point but quickly dropped the idea. It felt like too much and I also didn’t want to fuss over flower language assignments for everyone. I was also going to add Doodler tentacles, but also dropped that idea pretty early. Kind of on accident, right at the end, I figured out how to make it even more stained glass-like but taking a duplicated lineart underneath the regular layer and turning the brightness all the way down, then setting it to overlay and adding a guassian blur. It’s very subtle but it adds that tiny bit of depth that makes it look more real. As for shading on the lineart/gold, I tried adding more highlight on the characters who died but once I evened everything out it wasn’t as noticeable anymore so I’m throwing that thought here so the attempt at least known lol.

The order of characters only changed a little bit from my original comp, I flipped the Wilsons and the Oaks so the rainbow could work. As for the anchors, specifically in season 2, I lined them up to the teens since the season 1 anchors lined up with each dad:

Tony —> Scary: his death was the beginning of Scary’s betrayal arc and also Willy killed him.

Guitar Pick —> Taylor: it’s not really aligned with Taylor at all, but the anchor was with Glenn so I put it next to his blunt.

Scroll —> Normal: was only because it was the last left to give him, but there’s the whole scene of him and Hermie in the Green Room so it still works!

Garlic Knot —> Link: one of two that he broke, but the more significant of the two with him telling Grant he never wants to see him again.

Small notes on the season 1 anchors: I put the layer of mold in the overnight oats but you can’t really tell with the overlay. And to make the supper bowl more interesting I added the fantasy sodas mix they dumped into it. The lure of actually drawn before so I just traced my own art lol.

As for the other smaller triangles, it took me a bit to figure out what I wanted to put there. I didn’t even think of adding the vehicles until two days ago but I’m so glad I did. I don’t really have my own take on the mascot version of the Doodler (yet?) so I borrowed the design from one of the stickers in their merch shop. Teeny was terrifying as just a front facing head so I made him cute again.

In the outer circles, I put what I felt was the most significant quotes for each family. I really wanted to use “It’s okay to be angry, it’s not okay to be cruel” but it was just a little too long.

That’s all I can think of! If you read all the way through, thank you for indulging me in my excitement to gush over this piece.

[kapsloc7]

FINALLY POSTING THIS!!1! This was a huge project for me (literally, it is 3 feet tall!) based on Will Wood's 'The Normal Album' and my personal relationship with it. I threw a ton of references and symbolism in here, it was a ton of fun to create :)

Rambling about details under the cut.

Also: If you enjoy this, I have prints (and other things?) available here!

ALRIGHT BUCKLE UP BECAUSE I HAVE LOTS TO SAY

This painting is acrylic on a 24"x36" canvas, created as part of my portfolio focusing on human experiences and mental health. I wanted to make a painting about music because it's a very important thing to me, and was ultimately inspired by the song Memento Mori, The Most Important Thing. In the end I decided to base it off The Normal Album in its entirety.

The most obvious reference is the outfit, of course. I took all my own reference photos so it isn't an exact match, but is of course in spirit Will's outfit from the album cover. The only symbolism in this is the expression of masculinity in the suit, and a slight bit of femininity in the painted nails. Nothing too deep about it, I just wanted to throw in some gender fuckery because of my trans-ness.

The keyboard itself isn't a reference (I mean it's just my keyboard) nor are the books behind it (Just there for composition) but I put some stickers on the keyboard to throw in some extra references and symbolism. First, the "Give Me That Old Time Religion," both a Self-Ish reference and inspired by the sticker on Will's keyboard. Second, the pride flag being covered by an upside down American flag. This was something more personal I threw in for fun, about my distaste for the US and the oppression of queer people here. Also, I threw in the window from the album cover (but empty)

In the background, there are silly references to specific songs, (white picket fences, barbed wire and trenches, and the 222 for 2econd 2ight 2eer) and some more personal references as well (pill bottle ties into themes of the album as well as my own mental heath issues.) The potted plant has a bunch of symbolism thrown at it, and was inspired by lines in well better the alternative and Outliars and Hyppocrates, kinda a bit about feeling restricted by pressures from yourself or others causing you to uhhh. not be okay. and the pot design is based on the keys of Will Wood's keyboard as well as kinda an Everything Is a Lot reference.

Hand stuff: Bracelets are bracelets I made, mostly just for fun to provide more visual interest. Both kandi bracelets are inspired by Will Wood of course, the visible letters reading 'Memento Mori'. The grey bracelet doesn't have the letters visible, but it reads 'not afraid to die' The rings I wore were also personal fun. The white ring on the middle finger is a bit of queer code representing Aromanticism, and an engagement ring on my ring finger. Just representing the struggles I've had with sexuality and relationships and such.

Finally the chains, wallet chain was thrown in to represent financial pressure, and the one over the piano is the actually important one, representing how shitty it feels to turn creativity into a career, and feeling forced to create. There's more thrown in here probably but I'm tired and basically wrote an essay already so UH. GOODNIGHT IF YOU READ THIS FAR I LOVE YOU WAAAAA!!!! PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS I LOVE TALKING TO PEOPLE

[horus-unofficial]

hello hello welcome welcome. welcome 2 the HORUS guide 4 HORUS tech aka horus-unofficial.tumblr3.un gives you extremely comprehensive and very useful insight into its "pattern groups" and "licenses". we are your host harold HORUS here today to talk to you about our beautiful darling cunt of a child, the LICH

nobody knows how the lich came 2 be. some buddies of ours say they invented it 9989 years from now which is weird bcos anyone normal would wait another decade before sending that shit back in time to hit that sweet 9999 and keep people guessing as to whether these files actually are from that far in the future, or if the lucky terminal receiving this code just stopped bothering to count the years after 15015u. either way, the lich is here now, and back then, and most certainly at some point in the future, and it kinda looks like we probably did invent it so that means we are in the clear to act like we're the ones who made it!

the lich sucks! its terrible! with glass bones and paper skin and a reactor that overheats at room temperature, a gust of wind could leave a dent in this PG's plating, which is made from samples of styrofoam and bubble wrap warped straight from the insides of pre-Fall packages labeled "FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH CARE" (a perfect bumper sticker for your lich, should you find yourself piloting one sometime within the next -50 to 250 years). you can tell no former members of harrison armory's R&D department were involved in the designing of the lich because the only thing those fuckers know how to do is create industrial microwaves, and the lich's reactor is the most slipshod, poorly-coded shit in the known universe. the only code regulating the lich's reactor is "reactor = cool" and not only are neither "reactor" nor "cool" defined anywhere in the system code, but HOR_OS doesn't even use = signs.

you may ask us, "if the lich is so shit, why do people pilot it?" and we are so glad you asked! generally speaking, answers to this question fall into one of two variations: - "it's a funny mech" - "why is everyone saying i pilot a lich??? i pilot a nelson!!! what do you mean that's my lich frame in the mech bay and i've had it for years, i literally don't have a single HORUS license, @horus-unofficial please advise"

the lich's victorian orphan-esque constitution aside, its biggest strength as a frame is likely its ability to send itself to the seaside for a much needed mental health break should it encounter the slightest hint of adversity on the battlefield. its no wonder the lich is so frail, the entirety of our nonexistent R&D budget went into making this thing the most annoying roleplayer on the playground. "you hit me with your sword? nuh-uh, i dodge. oh you run me through on your spear, killing me instantly? well it turns out that that body wasn't actually me, i've been dramatically looking down upon this duel from up there on those cliffs the whole time!" <- words most commonly spoken by future lich pilots at 11 years old

this allows it to be unexpectedly versatile in combat- with a refundable get out of jail free card and a maximum speed comparable to most of SSC's catalogue, it can weave through dangerous zones in combat with unexpected efficiency, allowing it to support allies from virtually any range, and instigate the occasional skirmish if its pilot is so inclined. we dont necessarily advise that you choose violence as a lich pilot, only that its a more viable choice of function than you might initially think

the lich plays with the timestream with the same enthusiasm as a preschooler in a sandbox, both in regards to itself and anything (un)fortunate enough to be within its sensor range. for every timeline where the lich is playing support for its allies and being so kind and niceys, there's another timeline where it gleefully tears into its adversaries until it overextends and dies respawns in another timeline, and it's through this universal law that an unusually principled lich pilot might find themselves taking a hit for its allies before immediately redeeming that get out of jail free card we mentioned earlier. of course, "principled HORUS pilot" is an oxymoron, so if your squad has a lich pilot what actually happens is more along the lines of being teamed with the biggest fucking nuisance on your planet, who pretends to toodle about the battlefield all combat because the truth is they've been stuck in a time loop for 7 years, and are well beyond the point of caring.

bottom line: if you encounter a lich in combat, dont even bother targeting it. it's unkillable except for when it isn't, and its banned from every omninet roleplay forum in the known universe for a reason

[mcmansionhell]

a fine selection of bonker facades from the DC suburbs

Howdy folks! In honor of Halloween, here are some of the scariest houses currently for sale in the ever-cursed suburbs of Washington, DC. It's been awhile since I checked in on this particular hotspot, and once more, it did not disappoint.

I'll just get this one out of the way. Long-time McMansion Hell-heads are well aware of this monster estate in Potomac, MD, once allegedly owned by a particular professional athlete who will not be named, because the house should suck on its own merit. The only nice thing I can say about this house is that the designers kept the materials and colors consistent, which adds some unity to what is, in reality, five turrets in a trench coat.

Some things, the economists tell us, are too big to fail. This is not one of them. Let's move on.

Many McMansions exist to mock the concept of architectural consistency and historical continuity. This is one of them. About every single type of expanded second-story window elaboration exists here: bay window, covered balcony, juliet balcony. None of them work. The house can't decide if its 19th century eclecticism or tony DC Georgian/Federal cocktail. The random cupola merely adds insult to injury.

I don't know where realtors learned how to do photoshop, but whoever taught them should have their Adobe licenses revoked. There's a certain type of McMansion I call a "hat house" - which is exactly what it sounds like. It's a house with multiple bays or masses and each has its own special hat. This is one of the most egregious examples because all of the hats are different shapes and scales. Not even the most Disney Theme Park pink sky and fairy lighting can mitigate the controlling aesthetic influence of hät.

No compilation of Bad Facades would be complete without at least one Frankentudor™. Rich people in America really like to harken back to the days of feudalism, yet uglier, more drab, and using materials mostly derived from petrochemicals. The lighting is not helping this house, which is about as gloomy, hulking, and bloated as they come.

I have some fondness for houses that derive new, inventive forms of being ugly. The spread eagle McMansion is one of them, two oblique wings with no real core. A corner lot specimen. This one is especially weird, with the quadruple portholes, the windowless bays, the mall foyer, and the hipped roof that's not quite clipped, complete with tacked on gables. Kind of neat, sad to say.

I know most of you won't agree, but I actually believe this is the worst McMansion of the set. The absolute banality of it, the out-of-proportion everything, the compound-like demeanor, the nonsensical spacing of the mind-numbingly identical windows. The most infuriating part is that whoever designed this had some kind of order, continuity, proportion in mind and just failed utterly at it, like Sideshow Bob stepping on all those rakes. I hate it!!!!

When rich people try to make overly-inflated temples to their dumb piles of money, it's deeply satisfying when they end up looking like this house, which is just a pile of roof and wall tacked on to the worst proportioned portico imaginable. Classic McMansion Hubris. Let us all laugh.

Now we're getting into the more eldritch horror part of the list. Some houses make me wonder if I have the same set of eyeballs and conceptions of what "a house" looks like as other people. This one is playing dress up games with foam stickers. It looks like Steve's shirt from Blues Clues. It abuses the prairie muntins, which is an insult to my chosen hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Bad house.

Not enough time is devoted on this blog to bad modernism, though it would be rather generous to call this house modern. It's more like postmodernism trying to remember what modernism looked like and tripping down a flight of stairs collecting random masses and windows on the way down. Houses like this give modern architecture a bad name. It's borderline libel. Also it looks like it was made out of cardboard.

This brings us to our final, and objectively worst house:

I don't even know what to say about this freak of architecture. I don't know how it came together or why. I don't know what it wants or even pretends to do. It is a horrorshow. Gables protruding from random places, stealth roof fragments, windows too small for the walls they're embedded in, a weird cathedral-like entrance, the mosquito-infested pond, the worst example of realtor sky I've ever seen, all of it is terrible. It's haunted. Trick or Treat, but without the treat.

Anyway, that does it for this installment. If you're curious about more McModern badness, this month's Patreon bonus post will be to your liking!

Happy Halloween and Día de Los Muertos!

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including extra posts and livestreams.

Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar, because media work is especially recession-vulnerable.

[occudo]

My art summary of 2023! Template by Taxkha on twitter

2023 was a year for sure, huh

Personally, I had some unexpected setbacks this year, that could have easily become big problems, but I got so much support from you guys that in the end I managed to keep my head above water. I'm incredibly thankful for everyone who helped! I love all of you!!

Because of y'all, I could draw and posted more digital art than ever, made waaay to many TMA AUs, some of which I even put up to my ao3

I made a kofi where I could make commissions (like Mx. March Michael, made for the lovely @puncromancy) and opened a redbubble for sticker designs!

Got to read and see amazing works from fellow fans (some of them became my mutuals?? how??)

Overall starting and maintaining this blog was one of the best things that I did, I sincerely can't tell you how much it helped me to get through this year. I don't have the vocabulary to tell you how thankful I am.

See you next year, I hope!

-Occudo

ps.: the next GiSA chapter is on its way~

[notgilderoylockhart]

Interview with the Vampire | faux rebind

When my copies of Interview with the Vampire, The Vampire Lestat and Queen of the Damned arrived I was shocked to discover that every single one had a sticker on the cover. Except it wasn't a sticker. It was PRINTED on the cover. Who does that?

And after finishing the first book I wanted them to match the vibe of the show. So I do what I always do when I love a book. I rebind it. Not a full rebind, I still wanted to preserve the cover after all, but a faux rebind, a protective book jacket that would look great on my shelf and keep the book from getting even more roughed up. I'm using the tutorial made by bindrebindery on TikTok or on Instagram . I love her work, she's incredible.

The first thing we gotta do is measure our book. It needs to be extremely exact, since we'll be working with millimeters here. The width of my copy is 10.4cm, and its height is 17.5cm. As per bindrebindery's tutorial we'll subtract 5mm from our width measurement and then add 3mm.

10.4 - 0.5 + 0.3 = 10.2cm

For the height we'll just add 3mm to the bottom and the top, so 6mm each

17.5 + 0.3 + 0.3 = 18.1cm

And for the back, we just copy the height measurement of 18.1cm and simply measure the width of the back which for my copy was 2.3cm.

I'm using 2.5mm thick cardboard and I would also suggest investing in a box cutter and a self-healing mat to not damage any of your surfaces. Now that we've got our pieces cut out, we can draw where we want to glue them to the book cloth. The space for the hinge in between the cardboard pieces depends on how thick your cardboard is. It's the width of the cardboard times 2 plus 5mm.

2.5mm x 2 + 5mm = 10mm

So the gap in between is 1cm wide.

We're also leaving a 2cm gap all around. I also like to invert-round the corners, to make it easier for me to fold it down later, but it's also possible to just trim off the excess on a straight line.

Now it's time to cut and glue everything down. I'm using bookbinder's glue for this and folding down the long pieces first. While the glue is drying I'm cutting out 2 more pieces with the measurements of our cover. These will be the sleeves that will hold our book in place.

I'm folding it and making sure it's not too tight on the book so it can slide in and out easily and then I'm cutting off the excess, a little more than 2cm in this case.

I also spent a hot minute designing a few embellishments. I got a few sheets of vinyl to play around with, to test my new cricut and ironed them onto the velvet, which worked fine for the bigger pieces, but those pesky little letters just did not want to stick. It took me a hot minute to iron each letter on individually. But it was totally worth it, I think. I love the look of it.

Look at that shine. Gorgeous.

Now all that's left is glue on some decorative endpaper, turn it over and go over the hinges with something (I like to use the bow handles of my scissors) and add our sleeve-pieces. I also like to slide in some paper just to make sure the glue dries properly and doesn't seep out and (God forbid) glues the sleeves shut. And that's it.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Inkjump Linkdump

For the rest of May, my bestselling solarpunk utopian novel THE LOST CAUSE (2023) is available as a $2.99, DRM-free ebook!

It's the start of a long weekend and I've found myself with a backlog of links, so it's time for another linkdump – the eighteenth in the (occasional) series. Here's the previous installments:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

Kicking off this week's backlog is a piece of epic lawyer-snark, which is something I always love, but what makes this snark total catnip for me is that it's snark about copyfraud: false copyright claims made to censor online speech. Yes please and a second portion, thank you very much!

This starts with the Cola Corporation, a radical LA-based design store that makes lefty t-shirts, stickers and the like. Cola made a t-shirt that remixed the LA Lakers logo to read "Fuck the LAPD." In response, the LAPD's private foundation sent a nonsense copyright takedown letter. Cola's lawyer, Mike Dunford, sent them a chef's-kiss-perfect reply, just two words long: "LOL, no":

https://www.techdirt.com/2024/04/19/apparel-company-gives-perfect-response-to-lapds-nonsense-ip-threat-letter-over-fuck-the-lapd-shirt/

But that's not the lawyer snark I'm writing about today. Dunford also sent a letter to IMG Worldwide, whose lawyers sent the initial threat, demanding an explanation for this outrageous threat, which was – as the physicists say – "not even wrong":

https://www.loweringthebar.net/2024/05/lol-no-explained.html

Every part of the legal threat is dissected here, with lavish, caustic footnotes, mercilessly picking apart the legal defects, including legally actionable copyfraud under DMCA 512(f), which provides for penalties for wrongful copyright threats. To my delight, Dunford cited Lenz here, which is the infamous "Dancing Baby" case that EFF successfully litigated on behalf of Stephanie Lenz, whose video of her adorable (then-)toddler dancing to a few seconds of Prince's "Let's Go Crazy" was censored by Universal Music Group:

https://www.eff.org/cases/lenz-v-universal

Dunford's towering rage is leavened with incredulous demands for explanations: how on Earth could a lawyer knowingly send such a defective, illegal threat? Why shouldn't Dunford seek recovery of his costs from IMG and its client, the LA Police Foundation, for such lawless bullying? It is a sparkling – incandescent, even! – piece of lawyerly writing. If only all legal correspondence was this entertaining! Every 1L should study this.

Meanwhile, Cola has sold out of everything, thanks to that viral "LOL, no." initial response letter. They're taking orders for their next resupply, shipping on June 1. Gotta love that Streisand Effect!

https://www.thecolacorporation.com/

I'm generally skeptical of political activism that takes the form of buying things or refusing to do so. "Voting with your wallet" is a pretty difficult trick to pull off. After all, the people with the thickest wallets get the most votes, and generally, the monopoly party wins. But as the Cola Company's example shows, there's times when shopping can be a political act.

But that's because it's a collective act. Lots of us went and bought stuff from Cola, to send a message to the LAPD about legal bullying. That kind of collective action is hard to pull off, especially when it comes to purchase-decisions. Often, this kind of thing descends into a kind of parody of political action, where you substitute shopping for ideology. This is where Matt Bors's Mr Gotcha comes in: "ooh, you want to make things better, but you bought a product from a tainted company, I guess you're not really sincere, gotcha!"

https://thenib.com/mister-gotcha/

There's a great example of this in Zephyr Teachout's brilliant 2020 book Break 'Em Up: if you miss the pro-union demonstration at the Amazon warehouse because you spent two hours driving around looking for an indie stationer to buy the cardboard to make your protest sign rather than buying it from Amazon, Amazon wins:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/29/break-em-up/#break-em-up

So yeah, I'm pretty skeptical of consumerism as a framework for political activism. It's very hard to pull off an effective boycott, especially of a monopolist. But if you can pull it off, well…

Canada is one of the most monopoly-friendly countries in the world. Hell, the Competition Act doesn't even have an "abuse of dominance" standard! That's like a criminal code that doesn't have a section prohibiting "murder." (The Trudeau government has promised to fix this.)

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/editorials/article-an-overhauled-competition-act-will-light-a-fire-in-the-stolid-world-of/

There's stiff competition for Most Guillotineable Canadian Billionaire. There's the entire Irving family, who basically own the province of New Bruinswick:

https://www.canadaland.com/podcast/dynasties-2-the-irvings/

There's Ted Rogers, the trumpy billionaire telecoms monopolist, whose serial acquire-and-loot approach to media has devastated Canadian TV and publishing:

https://www.canadaland.com/podcast/canadaland-725-the-rogers-family-compact/

But then there's Galen Fucking Weston, the nepobaby who inherited the family grocery business (including Loblaw), bought out all his competitors (including Shopper's Drug Mart), and then engaged in a criminal price-fixing conspiracy to rig the price of bread, the most Les-Miz-ass crime imaginable:

https://www.blogto.com/eat_drink/2023/06/what-should-happened-galen-weston-price-fixing/

Weston has made himself the face of the family business, appearing in TV ads in a cardigan to deliver dead-eyed avuncular paeans to his sprawling empire, even as he colludes with competitors to rig the price of his workers' wages:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-06-12/a-supermarket-billionaire-steps-into-trouble-over-pandemic-wages

For Canadians, Weston is the face of greedflation, the man whose nickle-and-diming knows no shame. This is the man who decided that the discount on nearly-spoiled produce would be slashed from 50% to 30%, who racked up record profits even as his prices skyrocketed.

It's impossible to overstate how loathed Galen Weston is at this moment. There's a very good episode of the excellent new podcast Lately, hosted by Canadian competition expert Vass Bednar and Katrina Onstad that gives you a sense of the national outrage:

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/podcasts/lately/article-boycotting-the-loblawpoly/

All of this has led to a national boycott of Loblaw, kicked off by members of the r/loblawsisoutofcontrol, and it's working. Writing for Jacobin, Jeremy Appel gives us a snapshot of a nation in revolt:

https://jacobin.com/2024/05/loblaw-grocery-price-gouge-boycott/

Appel points out the boycott's problems – there's lots of places, particularly in the north, where Loblaw's is the only game in town, or where the sole competitor is the equally odious Walmart. But he also talks about the beneficial effect the boycott is having for independent grocers and co-ops who deal more fairly with their suppliers and their customers.

He also platforms the boycott's call for a national system of price controls on certain staples. This is something that neoliberal economists despise, and it's always fun to watch them lose their minds when the subject is raised. Meanwhile, economists like Isabella M Weber continue to publish careful research explaining how and why price controls can work, and represent our best weapon against "seller's inflation":

https://scholarworks.umass.edu/econ_workingpaper/343/

Antimonopoly sentiment is having a minute, obviously, and the news comes at you fast. This week, the DoJ filed a lawsuit to break up Ticketmaster/Live Nation, one of the country's most notorious monopolists, who have aroused the ire of every kind of fan, but especially the Swifties (don't fuck with Swifties). In announcing the suit, DoJ Antitrust Division boss Jonathan Kanter coined the term "Ticketmaster tax" to describe the junk fees that Ticketmaster uses to pick all our pockets.

In response, Ticketmaster has mobilized its own Loblaw-like shill army, who insist that all the anti-monopoly activism is misguided populism, and "anti-business." In his BIG newsletter, Matt Stoller tears these claims apart, and provides one of the clearest explanations of how Ticketmaster rips us all off that I've ever seen, leaning heavily on Ticketmaster's own statements to their investors and the business-press:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/antitrust-enforcers-to-break-up-ticketmaster

Ticketmaster has a complicated "flywheel" that it uses to corner the market on live events, mixing low-margin businesses that are deliberately kept unprofitable (to prevent competitors from gaining a foothold) in order to capture the high-margin businesses that are its real prize. All this complexity can make your eyes glaze over, and that's to Ticketmaster's benefit, keeping normies from looking too closely at how this bizarre self-licking ice-cream cone really works.

But for industry insiders, those workings are all too clear. When Rebecca Giblin and I were working on our book Chokepoint Capitalism, we talked to insiders from every corner of the entertainment-industrial complex, and there was always at least one expert who'd go on record about the scams inside everything from news monopolies to streaming video to publishing and the record industry:

https://chokepointcapitalism.com/

The sole exception was Ticketmaster/Live Nation. When we talked to club owners, promoters and other victims of TM's scam, they universally refused to go on the record. They were palpably terrified of retaliation from Ticketmaster's enforcers. They acted like mafia informants seeking witness protection. Not without reason, mind you: back when the TM monopoly was just getting started, Pearl Jam – then one of the most powerful acts in American music – took a stand against them. Ticketmaster destroyed them. That was when TM was a mere hatchling, with a bare fraction of the terrifying power it wields today.

TM is a great example of the problem with boycotts. If a club or an act refuses to work with TM/LN, they're destroyed. If a fan refuses to buy tickets from TM or see a Live Nation show, they basically can't go to any shows. The TM monopoly isn't a problem of bad individual choices – it's a systemic problem that needs a systemic response.

That's what makes antitrust responses so timely. Federal enforcers have wide-ranging powers, and can seek remedies that consumerism can never attain – there's no way a boycott could result in a breakup of Ticketmaster/Live Nation, but a DoJ lawsuit can absolutely get there.

Every federal agency has wide-ranging antimonopoly powers at its disposal. These are laid out very well in Tim Wu's 2020 White House Executive Order on competition, which identifies 72 ways the agencies can act against monopoly without having to wait for Congress:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/13/post-bork-era/#manne-down

But of course, the majority of antimonopoly power is vested in the FTC, the agency created to police corporate power. Section 5 of the FTC Act grants the agency the power to act to prevent "unfair and deceptive methods of competition":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge

This clause has lain largely dormant since the Reagan era, but FTC chair Lina Khan has revived it, using it to create muscular privacy rights for Americans, and to ban noncompete agreements that bind American workers to dead-end jobs:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/25/capri-v-tapestry/#aiming-at-dollars-not-men

The FTC's power to ban activity because it's "unfair and deceptive" is exciting, because it promises American internet users a way to solve their problems beyond copyright law. Copyright law is basically the only law that survived the digital transition, even as privacy, labor and consumer protection rights went into hibernation. The last time Congress gave us a federal consumer privacy law was 1988, and it's a law that bans video store clerks from telling the newspapers which VHS cassettes you rented:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_Privacy_Protection_Act

That's left internet users desperately trying to contort copyright to solve every problem they have – like someone trying to build a house using nothing but chainsaw. For example, I once found someone impersonating me on a dating site, luring strangers into private spaces. Alarmed, I contacted the dating site, who told me that their only fix for this was for me to file a copyright claim against the impersonator to make them remove the profile photo. Now, that photo was Creative Commons licensed, so any takedown notice would have been a "LOL, no." grade act of copyfraud:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/21/the-internets-original-sin/

The unsuitability of copyright for solving complex labor and privacy problems hasn't stopped people who experience these problems from trying to use copyright to solve them. They've got nothing else, after all.

That's why everyone who's worried about the absolutely legitimate and urgent concerns over AI and labor and privacy has latched onto copyright as the best tool for resolving these questions, despite copyright's total unsuitability for this purpose, and the strong likelihood that this will make these problems worse:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/13/spooky-action-at-a-close-up/#invisible-hand

Enter FTC Chair Lina Khan, who has just announced that her agency will be reviewing AI model training as an "unfair and deceptive method of competition":

https://thehill.com/policy/technology/4682461-ftc-chair-ai-models-could-violate-antitrust-laws/

If the agency can establish this fact, they will have sweeping powers to craft rules prohibiting the destructive and unfair uses of AI, without endangering beneficial activities like scraping, mathematical analysis, and the creation of automated systems that help with everything from adding archival metadata to exonerating wrongly convicted people rotting in prison:

https://hrdag.org/tech-notes/large-language-models-IPNO.html

I love this so much. Khan's announcement accomplishes the seemingly impossible: affirming that there are real problems and insisting that we employ tactics that can actually fix those problems, rather than just doing something because inaction is so frustrating.

That's something we could use a lot more of, especially in platform regulation. The other big tech news about Big Tech last week was the progress of a bill that would repeal Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act at the end of 2025, without any plans to replace it with something else.

Section 230 is the most maligned, least understood internet law, and that's saying something:

https://www.techdirt.com/2020/06/23/hello-youve-been-referred-here-because-youre-wrong-about-section-230-communications-decency-act/

Its critics wrongly accuse the law – which makes internet users liable for bad speech acts, not the platforms that carry that speech – of being a gift to Big Tech. That's totally wrong. Without Section 230, platforms could be named to lawsuits arising from their users' actions. We know how that would play out.

Back in 2018, Congress took a big chunk out of 230 when they passed SESTA/FOSTA, a law that makes platforms liable for any sex trafficking that is facilitated by their platforms. Now, this may sound like a narrowly targeted, beneficial law that aims at a deplorable, unconscionable crime. But here's how it played out: the platforms decided that it was too much trouble to distinguish sex trafficking from any sex-work, including consensual sex work and adjacent activities. The result? Consensual sex-work became infinitely more dangerous and precarious, while trafficking was largely unaffected:

https://www.gao.gov/assets/gao-21-385.pdf

Eliminating 230 would be incredibly reckless under any circumstances, but after the SESTA/FOSTA experience, it's unforgivable. The Big Tech platforms will greet this development by indiscriminately wiping out any kind of controversial speech from marginalized groups (think #MeToo or Black Lives Matter). Meanwhile, the rich and powerful will get a new tool – far more powerful than copyfraud – to make inconvenient speech disappear. The war-criminals, rapists, murderers and rip-off artists who currently make do with bogus copyright claims to "manage their reputations" will be able to use pretextual legal threats to make their critics just disappear:

https://www.qurium.org/forensics/dark-ops-undercovered-episode-i-eliminalia/

In a post-230 world, Cola Corporation's lawyers wouldn't get a chance to reply to the LAPD's bullying lawyers – those lawyers would send their letter to Cola's hosting provider, who would weigh the possibility of being named in a lawsuit against the small-dollar monthly payment they get from Cola, and poof, no more Cola. The legal bullies could do the same for Cola's email provider, their payment processor, their anti-DoS provider.

This week on EFF's Deeplinks blog, I published a piece making the connection between abolishing Section 230 and reinforcing Big Tech monopolies:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/05/wanna-make-big-tech-monopolies-even-worse-kill-section-230

The Big Tech platforms really do suck, and the solution to their systemic, persistent moderation failures won't come from making them liable for users' speech. The platforms have correctly assessed that they alone have the legal and moderation staff to do the kinds of mass-deletions of controversial speech that could survive a post-230 world. That's why tech billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg love the idea of getting rid of 230:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/03/facebooks-pitch-congress-section-230-me-not-thee

But for small tech providers – individuals, co-ops, nonprofits and startups that host fediverse servers, standalone group chats and BBSes – a post-230 world is a mass-extinction event. Ever had a friend demand that you take sides in an interpersonal dispute ("if you invite her to the party, I'm not coming!").

Imagine if your refusal to take sides in a dispute among your friends – and their friends, and their friends – could result in you being named to a suit that could cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to settle:

https://www.engine.is/news/primer/section230costs

It's one thing to hope for a more humane internet run by people who want to make hospitable forums for online communities to form. It's another to ask them to take on an uninsurable risk that could result in the loss of their home, their retirement account, and their life's savings.

A post-230 world is one in which Big Tech must delete first and ask questions later. Yes, Big Tech platforms have many sins to answer for, but making them jointly liable for their users' speech will flush out treasure-hunters seeking a quick settlement and a quick buck.

Again, this isn't speculative – it's inevitable. Consider FTX: yes, the disgraced cryptocurrency exchange was a festering hive of fraud – but there's no way that fraud added up to the 23.6 quintillion dollars in claims that have been laid against it:

https://cdn.arstechnica.net/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/US-v-SBF-Alameda-Research-Victim-Impact-Statement-3-20-2024.pdf

Without 230, Big Tech will shut down anything controversial – and small tech will disappear. It's the worst of all possible worlds, a gift to tech monopolists and the bullies and crooks who have turned our online communities into shooting galleries.

One of the reasons I love working for EFF is our ability to propose technologically informed, sound policy solutions to the very real problems that tech creates, such as our work on interoperability as a way to make it easier for users to escape Big Tech:

https://www.eff.org/interoperablefacebook

Every year, EFF recognizes the best, bravest and brightest contributors to a better internet and a better technological future, with our annual EFF Awards. Nominations just opened for this year's awards – if you know someone who fits the bill, here's the form:

https://www.eff.org/nominations-open-2024-eff-awards

It's nearly time for me to sign off on this weekend's linkdump. For one thing, I have to vacate my backyard hammock, because we've got contractors who need to access the side of the house to install our brand new heat-pump (one of two things I'm purchasing with my last lump-sum book advance – the other is corrective cataract surgery that will give me lifelong, perfect vision).

I've been lusting after a heat-pump for years, and they just keep getting better – though you might not know it, thanks to the fossil-fuel industry disinfo campaign that insists that these unbelievably cool gadgets don't work. This week in Wired, Matt Simon offers a comprehensive debunking of this nonsense, and on the way, explains the nearly magical technology that allows a heat pump to heat a midwestern home in the dead of winter:

https://www.wired.com/story/myth-heat-pumps-cold-weather-freezing-subzero/

As heat pumps become more common, their applications will continue to proliferate. On Bloomberg, Feargus O'Sullivan describes one such application: the Japanese yokushitsu kansouki – a sealed bathroom with its own heat-pump that can perfectly dry all your clothes while you're out at work:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-05-22/laundry-lessons-from-japanese-bathroom-technology

This is amazing stuff – it uses less energy than a clothes-dryer, leaves your clothes wrinkle-free, prevents the rapid deterioration caused by high heat and mechanical agitation, and prevents the microfiber pollution that lowers our air-quality.

This is the most solarpunk thing I've read all week, and it makes me insanely jealous of Japanese people. The second-most solarpunk thing I've read this week came from The New Republic, where Aaron Regunberg and Donald Braman discuss the possibility of using civil asset forfeiture laws – lately expanded to farcical levels by the Supreme Court in Culley – to force the fossil fuel industry to pay for the energy transition:

https://newrepublic.com/article/181721/fossil-fuels-civil-forefeiture-pipeline-climate

They point out that the fossil fuel industry has committed a string of undisputed crimes, including fraud, and that the Supremes' new standard for asset forfeiture could comfortably accommodate state AGs and other enforcers who seek billions from Big Oil on this basis. Of course, Big Oil has more resources to fight civil asset forfeiture than the median disputant in these cases ("a low- or moderate-income person of color [with] a suspected connection to drugs"). But it's an exciting idea!

All right, the heat-pump guys really need me to vacate the hammock, so here's one last quickie for you: Barath Raghavan and Bruce Schneier's new paper, "Seeing Like a Data Structure":

https://www.belfercenter.org/publication/seeing-data-structure

This is a masterful riff on James C Scott's classic Seeing Like a State, and it describes how digitalization forces us into computable categories, and counts the real costs of doing so. It's a gnarly and thoughtful piece, and it's been on my mind continuously since Schneier sent it to me yesterday. Something suitably chewy for you to masticate over the long weekend!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/25/anthology/#lol-no

[diiaf]

Paranatural Theory: It's All Connected

Paranatural fans, how are we feeling?

I’m a bit late to the Peekaboo party, but in light of the latest reveal, I’m taking the opportunity to put my harebrained theory of everything out into the world. The evidence is tenuous, but if I was right about Peekaboo, then maybe there’s something to it–and the confirmation that Peekaboo is (somehow) connected to the wight is just more evidence.

Here’s my theory:

Peekaboo, Sandman, and the Shadow Spirit are all parts of Mayview’s Great Wight that broke apart after Spender [edit: and Davy, see the bottom of the post] shattered it. That Wight... is Boss Leader.

Let me explain.

Part 1: The Connections

this is 7 parts long so I put in a read more, click at your own risk

(I made this image before the latest chapter reveal but I don’t feel like editing it)

Tendrils: As seen in the merch store sticker, Peekaboo seems to have the same tentacle-y powers that Boss Leader does. Spender’s shadow also uses tendrils, albeit the shadows of tendrils. Is this just a hallmark of Wight powers, as suggested by King Catnine, or is there something more? I’ll elaborate on this later.

Black Tears: Peekaboo seems to have the same darkness inside that that shadow spirit does. It’s been pointed out that Peekaboo could fit neatly inside the hole in Spender’s Shadow’s face—maybe Spender’s blast separated the part from the whole. Spender drips this same black ooze from his eyes, as seen after he wakes from the dream where he met Dr. Burger and Sandman. That’s important for later.

Same Pose: Peekaboo and the Shadow are peeking out from behind their medium in the exact same pose. Coincidence? …yeah, maybe. But why does the Shadow have its left eye here? Why is it in the shape of a mask? A crescent moon? A human mask? What moon-shaped creature would want to appear human? I’ll get to that later.

Wrrrrr: Again, I made this image before it was confirmed that Davy somehow had Peekaboo’s powers, but that was obvious, what with their space warping using the same sound effect. However, Dimitri uses Peekaboo to warp himself, whereas Davy warps the space around him (unless maybe he warped his chin? He looks pretty different from his first appearance). So maybe Peekaboo isn’t all that’s in the locker.

Why do Davy and Dimitri have access to different applications of the same power? Peekaboo's spirit trance Halloween decorations resemble the PTA members, which it could see if it were somehow Davy's spirit too. What’s odd to me is that the Burgers' key didn’t seem like it would fit into the locker—did it open up the dream door? Is that door “real?” Real in the spirit world? Maybe that’s why the locker’s padlock has an eye on it: because the real keyhole is kept in Boss Leader’s dream, behind the door that the Witch eventually summons. Lots of unanswered questions here.

Sand: The locker is either buried in sand, or rising up from it. Sandman seems to rise up from the sandpit in the dream in much the same way. Knowing that Peekaboo is the locker spirit is more evidence that there’s a connection between Peekaboo and Sandman.

Moon Motif (there’s no yellow text highlight): Spender’s shadow is shaped like a crescent moon. Sandman’s whole design is crescent moons. This ties into some other things that I’ll explain later.

🏳️‍⚧️: Sandman is Boss Leader. Sandman didn't choose its name. Boss Leader is the name and form she prefers. Do I really have to spell this one out? I'll address this more in part 2.

To recap: Peekaboo, Sandman, and the Shadow all share some important aspects, namely reality-warping powers and design motifs. Peekaboo seems to be the spirit in Davy's locker, a.k.a. the Great Wight, that was also sealed behind the door in the Consortium's dream.

Part 2: Large Subterranean Insect

How many people remember this thing?

It swoops in for ONE PAGE, saves Max from falling off the ghost train, and departs. Paranatural’e biggest unsolved mystery… until now.

Suitsie Zipper: The Large Subterranean Insect appears on chapter, 4 page 105 to save Max. Boss leader shows up for the first time 8 pages later in Max’s dream. The zipper on the insect’s body resembles the zippers on the consortium’s suitsies. Could the insect merely be a consortium agent? Maybe, but it’s a spirit, not a medium, and all the agents are mediums.

Crescents: Look at Sandman’s head. It’s the same shape as the LSI’s spiky legs. Now look at Spender’s spirit’s tendrils! Have we been confusing insect legs for squid tentacles this whole time?

Granted, when the spirit breaks loose and attacks Max and Isabel on page 138 the tendrils are more octopus-like, but Boss Leader’s dream-tendrils are squiddy as well. The spirit is spiky, the powers are squishy? I know this is a stretch.

Injury: Why does the LSI have that red mark? The Paranatural wiki claims that it's an eye. Maybe. If you ask me, it looks like a scar. A scar shaped like the sparkles that Spender makes when he uses Lucifer’s light powers. When Spender blasted the Lake Spirit (stripping away a shadowy disguise?) maybe it left a scar…

Reddit user DeadMountainDaughter made the connection between BL and the LSI (and compiled a lot of other information that inspired this theory) in a post on the Paranatural subreddit 5 months ago, so credit to her for that.

We know for sure that Boss Leader isn't human. The tragic backstory that she tells Spender and Mina about being forced into eternal slumber is (probably) complete bunk. As King Catnine discovers, "Boss Leader" is the conjured-up puppet of the Wight known as Sandman. Sandman, however, is not the name it chose. Its preferred form, and name, is that of Boss Leader. Can a spirit have gender dysphoria? The answer seems to be yes. Moreover, Sandman's Wight Wail is "PLEASE DON'T BE SCARED." She wants people to like her! She wants to be human! But she can't have that anymore. Not since...

Part 3: The Incident

Using the evidence we’ve been given so far, here’s my interpretation of the hidden background of Paranatural:

Boss Leader is a Wight with the power to mold reality. Out of a fascination/jealousy/love for humanity, she shapes, protects, and sustains Mayview. To protect humans from dangerous spirits, and to fight powerful spirits like Lucifer and King Catnine, she maintains the Activity Consortium.

Thirteen years before present-day Paranatural, something happens: the "unexplained paranatural event 13 years ago" that everyone keeps referring to. This is the event that earned Spender his reputation as the "strongest spectral," where he "defeated" the strongest spirit with a single burst of light. What else do we know about this event? That it was the day that Lucifer came to claim the Mayview Wight's power.

Lucifer was one of "the others" that coveted the Wight. We know Lucifer can cross through the barrier as pure light—Spender uses their spirit fusion to do just that when facing King Catnine. What if he entered Mayview to face the Wight, and was defeated, hopelessly outmatched. His wisp possesses the nearby Richard Spender. The Wight, donning her shadowy human disguise, reaches for Lucifer, who is now possessing Spender.

Spender and Lucifer, or maybe Lucifer possessing Spender, shoots a blast of light. With that blast, something breaks. The part of Boss Leader that can shape reality and the part of her that can shape dreams are split. The part left in reality, broken by Spender’s blast, possesses Spender as the shadow. The fragment that was blasted free (Peekaboo) possesses Dimitri, who is one year old at the time. Dimitri "first became a spectral as an infant" (ch7 pg144), and Peekaboo seems stuck in a childlike mental state. Peekaboo is a ghost, so it makes itself look like a child's idea of a ghost.

Without the Peekaboo part, the Shadow can’t mold the physical world, only shadows. Cut away from the Shadow, Peekaboo loses its identity, reinventing itself according to Dimitri's childhood imagination. Without the ability to shape the physical world, Boss Leader can only manifest her human “self” in dreams. Her insectoid spirit hides below ground, hiding her true form, unable to show herself to humans without frightening them. She can no longer control the part of herself that shapes the real world, and can no longer wear her disguise: the shadowy mask that now possesses Spender.

The part of Boss Leader that can shapeshift in the real world is still there, but it's out of her control. If woken, it would rampage. She "locked it in nightmares," nursed it as a grudge, but she's missing some piece of the puzzle. Little does she know that part of that missing piece has been in Rick Spender all along...

Also: Peekaboo's floor is literally made of puzzle pieces! I know that's in reference to the foam floor tiles that you put down in a kid's room, but it has to mean something. Coincidence? ...yeah, maybe. But I think Peekaboo is the missing piece from the Shadow's mask.

Part 4: King Catnine

This friggin’ guy.

One person in Mayview knows where the Great Wight is—in fact, he’s known all along. Why did Isaac nearly electrocute Dimitri? Why did Catnine amplify Isaac’s shot towards the Hijack-controlled Spender? Because he recognized the power that they possessed, or rather, that was possessing them: the power of a wight. I'm sure he'll have his moment someday.

Part 5: The Locker

When the locker was first shown, the Paranatural fandom exploded trying to decipher the meaning behind its stickers. Was the ghost Peekaboo? Was the Vampire Davy? Was the "zzz" Sandman? Why was the werewolf there? What about the star- was Starchman involved?

The answer is yes, to everything.

I posit that some of the stickers represent the “paranatural” elements of Mayview. Vampires, werewolves, an “unusually high population of ghosts and spirits” (Valerie Day, ch5 pg144), while the burger and sticky note are more pertinent to the locker spirit’s current situation. The wight shapes reality, and these things are its reality—Mayview’s reality. As I’ve already stated, I think the eye on the padlock represents how the real padlock is hidden away in a dream, literally "locked in nightmares." Boss Leader sure has a lot of eye motifs.

(I don’t actually know about the star. Maybe that reflects how Starchman stars are a real, valued currency in the school? Zack’s master plan continues to elude me)

There's another version of this theory. Davy claims that he once "shared the same prison" as the spirit in the locker. Davy, as far as we know, is the oldest vampire in Mayview, and he wasn't yet a vampire when the Consortium defeated the Great Sphinx. What if Mayview's werewolves and vampires, and even their spirits, all come from the sleeping wight's dream-world? The same place that the Doctors Burger were sent, and where Dave Jones may have been sent on his final mission for the Consortium. The Doctors are still there. Davy, however, cut his way out. I'll get to that in a minute. First, look at this passage from the latest chapter:

Where have we seen a boat before?

Where Doctor Burger is, in the Wight’s dream! The lake is where everything went down thirteen years ago, and it's where the fragment of the sleeping Wight still slumbers. But what does this have to do with Boss Leader, if she's also that big insect?

This paragraph from Chapter 8, page 61 is my smoking gun:

Insects flushed from hiding? Dredged up from the depths to be dissected on sands? Wow, that sounds familiar.

Davy Jones once worked for the Consortium, under Boss Leader. For whatever reason (maybe he tried to usurp her? maybe she just sent him on a mission gone wrong), she "let him go" from the consortium, cut off his hand (now Lefty) and sealed him away in the sleeping Wight's dream. Davy, with Cryptide's help (the grudge he held), cut his way out—and maybe cut off some of the wight's space-warping abilities to keep for himself. That last bit is pure speculation; I still don't know exactly how Davy and Dimitri both have access to Peekaboo, and that's my best guess.

Part 6: LOOK AT ME

I know what you're thinking: "Sandman can't be the Wight! Their wails are different!" I hear you, and I propose an answer.

Firstly, who said that a Wight can only have one wail? On the chapter cover, the wail is preceded by a monologue that culminates in the spiral of pure emotion. Secondly, assuming that Sandman and the Sleeping Wight are two parts of the same spirit, if the Sleeping Wight was the mask that Boss Leader showed to the world, no wonder its basic desire would be to be perceived. Put them back together, and all the Great Wight wants is for people to see it without being scared.

(it's all very biblical angel "BE NOT AFRAID," isn't it?)

Peekaboo, in its childlike state, is left with the basic desire to be looked at, played with, and given attention. Spender's shadow, meanwhile, just flails, lashing out to grab people.

Moreover: IS THAT NOT SANDMAN'S EYE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CHAPTER COVER?? BOSS LEADER IS THE WIGHT I SWEAR

Part 7: Maybe I'm Wrong

Maybe Sandman isn't the Great Wight after all. Peekaboo and the Shadow are certainly related, and I'm convinced that Boss Leader is an insect, but maybe all wights can use those monstrous tendrils. In that case, I have two alternate theories:

One: Maybe Boss Leader was just using the Wight, puppeting it, controlling it through its dreams to shape Mayview while it slept. Davy says that he lent his hand to "your dream," i.e. Boss Leader's dream. That could mean the Consortium, it could mean Mayview as the literal dream of the Wight, but it could also mean Boss Leader's dream for Mayview, enacted through the sleeping Wight. Maybe Lucifer woke the Wight, and then Spender blasted it to pieces, putting it back to sleep but severing Boss Leader's control. Either way, it would still make sense for the Mayview Wight to desire the approving attention of others. Now that BL can't control it, it shapes itself, like Davy claims, according to the dreams of Mayview's people. Or maybe that desire to be looked at just jealousy, simmered for years of watching Davy dote on Cryptide.

Two: Maybe Boss Leader was never controlling it! Maybe "Clayview" was a pre-thirteen-years-ago concept, and the Incident that shattered the Wight was what changed the town into Mayview as the town's collective unconscious made it lush and green. Who knows what would happen if the Wight were to wake up, and what would happen to Mayview.

CONCLUSION

I did not intend to make this post so long. It's a testament to Zack's storytelling ability that there are so many possibilities to distill from this webcomic. I might be way off the mark, but I'm just happy to share my speculations. I'm sure I've missed a lot.

Whoever read this whole essay, I hope you're as excited for the next Paranatural update as I am!

this is how boss leader can still win

EDIT:

I got the timeline all mixed up! Davy was a vampire before the Incident—Davy cutting himself free of the dream had to occur before Spender "defeated" the Wight. That means I need to revise some things.

New Theory: Davy severed Boss Leader from the Lake Spirit, Spender then broke that spirit in two, creating Peekaboo and the Shadow.

Davy, with Cryptide's powers, "cut the age of great wights to a close." That must have included Boss Leader! When Davy cut himself out of Boss Leader's dream, he split the Wight's reality-warping powers in two—splitting Mayview's reality in two, between the dream and the real world. Boss Leader could control dreams from out in the waking world and the Lake Spirit could control the waking world from within a dream. That was why Spender could defeat the Lake Spirit: it was only half the Wight it had been before. It's still connected to Boss Leader, like how the Sphinxes are connected to each other. Davy kept a piece of the wight for himself, somehow, and draws power through the locker.

I maintain that the Shadow is somehow Boss Leader's human mask, or human form. That means her insect spirit is... I don't know. There's a bedbug joke to be made somewhere. The Lake Spirit has empty eyes, Peekaboo has empty eyes, Spender has empty eyes... Sandman and Boss Leader are all about eyes. Is Sandman the spirit's eyes? Sandman looks like a half moon, a completed Shadow would look like a full moon, I'm just spitballing here

Everything else about this theory holds, I think.

Thanks to this post by @blacktycoon that made me realize my anachronism. They also put a lot of these pieces together back in May, way before I did lol.

[toffeebrew]

COLOR DESIGN EXCEPT ITS RUSHED AND ON MY PHONE SO IF IT LOOKS BAD IM SORRY

extra yappage under the cut

- idea taken from @howlsofbloodhounds that he has a satchel. I made it a satchel and a backpack? He switches to whichever is more convenient at that moment. I also like the idea he likes photography so he carries stuff for that in there. I may do a separate post for all the stuff in his bag .. actually. There's alot of stuff.

- His bandana switches like his colors do! how? magic ✨

- he and all the other epic sanses have matching friendship bracelets :) killer gave him a cat charm.

- there is absolutely no reason for this, but I like to think color has a crazy sock collection. A different patterns and stuff. This is just one pair he has.

- kinda hard to see on this drawing, but he has a bunch of pins and stickers from his friends on his bag :D!

[rassicas]

hi guys! im back. i went tokyo for a few days. got back at 7 this morning after taking an overnight 7 hour bus ride.... that i did not sleep on bc i cant sleep in moving vehicles. this will be something closer to a proper blog post i guess. splatoon related convention? experience below

i've kept my mouth shut about my plans to go because its not as well known on the english side of the fanbase and i didnt wanna make people too jealous sorry LOL , but i went to splaket 22! it's an unofficial, splatoon-only doujinshi market/artists alley. this was my first convention-sort-of event ive been to since i was... in high school. i also dont really get to meet many other hardcore splatoon fans irl. i was nervous about it because i don't know a whole lot of people on the JP side nor do i have a lot of confidence in my japanese speaking/listening, but in the end it was SUPER fun. i wish i couldve talked a bit more to the artists i did encounter to comment on what i liked about their works but. Skill Issue very few non-japanese people at this event of course but one of the only english speakers i saw i called out to bc they were wearing a shirt with this exact image printed on it no video and no photos outside of designated areas were allowed so i got like. zero pics of my own. but there was a lot of cosplayers i saw! oh and here's the Loot Haul. a few doujin, a clear file, stickers, microfiber cloth and a keychain. im surprised at how little i got, i think i shouldve gone a bit crazier with it

the one with Tao Blu and oonie in the top left (by sachikazerick) I came across by chance and bought because it was cute, featured splatband characters, and also because it all in some familiar inkling language (the last point of which i told the artist as i was buying) when i finally got home and saw the back credits...

SMALL FUCKIN WORLD LOL (i tweeted at the artist afterwards to let him know i came by the table and to thank him for using me and my friend's inkling language fonts!) though truly, i think ardnin deserved the credit more rather than me since he made most of those fonts! ah well, still cool to see more and more fan works using deciphered inkling language. top middle book is a story with some salmonid characters that i havent read yet but im looking forward to it, the art is lovely. top right one was the first thing i bought. the artist is rk_splaworks, whose art i love, and we've been mutuals for a few years and have talked a bit here and there! i was so fucking nervous to meet them in person since my japanese sucks LMAO but they were happy to meet me too and we got a selfie together yippy <3 also havent read their doujin Yet since ill have to rub all my brain cells together and huddle over the dictionary, but i want their oc lore

ok that's all i'll say, next splaket is...june 22. very soon....im already thinking ill. go again. yknow. while im still in japan and all that. i guess ill have to study harder on my jp in the meantime teehee ...i doubt it, but in the off chance anyone following me is going to the next splaket in june lemme know!

[fellamarsh]

It's day four, and Taker of the Third Path is over halfway to its fundraising goal...

So I think now is a great time to announce our first sticker design!

Backers starting at our $10 pledge tier receive a Taker of the Third Path themed sticker and bookmark - and I'm super excited to announce that Caleb @littlestpersimmon made the art for our stickers! Please give him a follow if you haven't already; he's an amazing artist who deserves all of our support, especially during Pride month!

Without further ado... our first sticker features Taker of the Third Path's protagonist, Linmiru Oddatma!

When I first saw Caleb's art of Linmiru, my jaw literally dropped. He managed to capture Lin exactly the way I pictured him in my mind! I spent the rest of the day smiling like a loon, and am still in disbelief over how gorgeous this piece is.

If you want to get your hands on this sticker---and a number of other fun rewards---head over to the Taker of the Third Path Kickstarter.

You can learn more about the novel there, as well as read the first four chapters for free!

And if you think Caleb's art is as wonderful as I do, consider following him here and on Twitter, joining his Patreon, buying him a coffee on Ko-Fi, or picking up one of his prints!

Thank you so much for all your support so far, everyone!

[pahtoosh]

the greatest form of flattery

[image ID: a gif of lloyd hansen smugly saying “right back at ya, sunshine” to a phone. /.end ID]

masterlist

18+

wc: ~1300 words

warnings: lloyd picks you up like a lot, play fighting, bad word(hell)

a/n: my first lloyd fic! I truly don’t know what came over me—I’ve never even seen the movie. I just thought this idea was so cute and then I had so many more ideas about the dynamic lloyd would have with his little! lots of play fighting and teasing(and kisses because it’s me🤭)

pairing: lloyd hansen x gn!little!reader

summary: Lloyd’s little finds a fake mustache.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

There was little you could do to bother your Daddy. Lloyd reserved all of his patience and understanding for you. You were his little love, so precious and pure. In his eyes, anything you did came from only the best intentions. He could brag for hours about how he had the best little to ever exist, and he taught you scarcely a thing about manners. You were naturally that sweet.

You were grateful that your needs coincided with what Lloyd could give you. Your rowdy days came out when he had more energy to spare chasing you around the yard. Your quiet days fell when he was exhausted from work and only wanted to cuddle in your home’s library, speaking in hushed tones as you escaped into worlds of fantasy. But there were some days when you sought mischief. You just hoped that your Daddy was in the mood to be silly too.

The day before, you attended a birthday party for one of your little friends. It was rare that Lloyd let you partake in events like this. His protective instincts went into overdrive when you showed him the invitation. Rather than giving in to his desire to hide you away, he fell for your pleading eyes and RSVP’d under the condition that he could come along and keep a close eye on you.

An afternoon of bounce castles, water balloons, and party games left you totally knocked out. You fell asleep in the ball pit, and Lloyd climbed in not long after. He scooped you up, resting your tired head on his shoulder as he carried you to the car. He accepted the gift bag from the party host on the way out, deciding that he could also use it to hold the shoes you had taken off before diving into the ball pit.

Feeling refreshed and awake the next day, you were delighted to see the gift bag on your nightstand accompanied by your morning note from Lloyd. He wrote that the package was from your little friend and that you could open it while you waited for him to finish his meetings. You gave his signature a kiss, then placed the note alongside your collection of every note Lloyd had ever written you. He left your little watch on the nightstand too. It was the same shape as your daddy’s, but customized to fit your wrist, and it displayed a digital clock instead of an analog. The screen also had little icons that lit up during snack or nap time. You carefully put on your watch just like how your daddy taught you.

The gift bag was calling your name now. It was simply made of paper, the cartoon animal design being its only saving grace under the scrutinizing eyes of a little. The tissue paper was mostly squished, but it called to you all the same. You dumped out the contents onto your desk, excited to see what you would play with first.

There were the typical favor bag items: stickers, a bouncy ball, and a tiny plastic soldier with a parachute. The bag also had a few little games and snacks. You separated the candy from the bunch and made a mental note about which ones you wanted to eat after lunch. As for the toys, you started with a sticky hand, promptly losing it to your ceiling. The mini dog-shaped puzzle was simple, yet fun. The underwater ring toss tested the last of your patience, but the ball maze lifted your spirits once more.

There were still a few minutes left until Lloyd finished his meeting and you had already played with all the toys in the bag. Or so you thought. You held the gift bag upside down and shook it one last time, hoping for a magical little toy to distract you during your daddy’s absence. Your wish came true when a fuzzy little thing plopped out. It resembled a caterpillar so much, you half expected it to move. Upon further inspection, it wasn’t a fuzzy little creature. It was a fake mustache!

Just like daddy, you thought. You giggled to yourself imagining Lloyd’s reaction to your new look. You carefully peeled away the paper backing and stood in front of the mirror to place the mustache under your nose. The plastic hair tickled a bit, making you sneeze a couple of times. Once you shook yourself off, you practiced a few poses mimicking Lloyd’s stance. His back was always straight, and he sometimes walked with his hands behind as if he were in a museum, which looked extra silly when he was just heading to the kitchen. He also checked his watch with a certain flair and spoke with his head cocked to the side when he was in a teasing mood.

As you checked your little watch, you realized that Lloyd’s meeting would finish soon. You ran towards his office, avoiding the edges of the hallway’s carpet runner because it had a habit of tripping you. Lloyd was closing the door behind him as you barreled towards his form.

“Hey there, honey. What’s got you running like crazy, huh?” He kissed the top of your head and patted you on the back. He hadn’t noticed the mustache yet because you ran with your head tilted downwards for extra speed and hugged his legs instead of jumping into his arms.

“Missed you, Daddy,” you said, your voice muffled by his slacks.

“Aw, how sweet. Come up here, baby. Do you want some kisses?” He lifted you up, doing a double take when he saw your new accessory.

“Is that-“ Lloyd cut off his own sentence as he burst into laughter. He hugged you close and gave you a few kisses in between his chuckles.

You beamed. “Do you like it, Daddy?”

Lloyd nodded, pursing his lips to contain his laughter.

“Now I look like you!”

“Hey now, Daddy’s mustache looks nothing like that,” he defended.

“Does so!” You wiggled out of his arms and struck one of the poses you had practiced. “If you wanna make an omelet-“

“Alright, that’s enough outta you.” Lloyd lifted you up and blew a raspberry on your stomach, making you squeal.

“Da- aahh! That tickles!”

“Shame,” he teased, continuing his attack.

You tousled in Lloyd’s arms until he had to readjust his grip. Using this moment of weakness, you poked his ribs, making him fall dramatically to the floor with you in his arms. He laid there breathless for a moment and was about to sit up before you placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back down.

“I got you.”

“Hell yeah you did, baby.” Lloyd took a breath. “Pinned your Daddy down. Good job, sweetie.” He patted your thigh, wondering if he’d taught you that move during your self defense lessons or if you’d learned it somewhere else. His train of thought was interrupted but a scratchy feeling on his cheek, followed by a soft pucker.

“Did you just give Daddy a kiss?”

“Uh huh!” You did it again on his other cheek. This time, Lloyd couldn’t hide the uncomfortable look on his face.

“Is that how it feels when Daddy kisses you? All scratchy from the mustache?”

“Um.” You touched your mustache as you thought, looking somewhat like a cartoon villain. “Yeah, a little scratchy.”

Lloyd held your free hand in his. “Is it too scratchy? Do you want Daddy to shave off his mustache?”

You shook your head, clinging desperately to him. “No! I love Daddy’s mustache!”

“You do?” he asked.

“Uh huh! Makes Daddy handsome and makes Daddy kisses special!” You demonstrated by pointing to your forehead.

Lloyd sat up and tentatively placed a kiss where you directed, repeating the motion when you wiggled happily.

“See?”

“Okay, honey. Daddy’ll keep his mustache, and you can keep yours too. In a box. Save it for Halloween.”

[red-tea-lover]

TF2 HATSUNE MIKU IS REAL ?)

text and translation under the separator [ru/eng]

В последнее время у меня был сильный гиперфиксон на двух вещах . TF2 и Микуша . Я видела много мемов но не смогла удержаться от создания небольших редизайнов и идей. Изначально было много вариантов дизайна в том числе и брюки , комбинезоны и прочие штуки но я поняла что там Мику не похожа на Мику и прошлось просто немного поменять её оригинальный дизайн (который я невероятно люблю боже у меня около 5 постеров с Мику в комнате и ещё около 5 брелков, значков тоже дофига как и наклеек ааааа).

В итоге ещё я вспомнила что у красной команды глаза такие же как и у синей ,то есть их менять не надо ну и просто поигралась с цветами думая о том что Тето больше бы подошла красной команде нежели Мику . Да мы потеряли бы прекрасный чуть пурпурный и бирюзовый оттенки но что есть то есть .Я долго думала о том что и как нужно было бы Мику в качестве играбельного персонажа и набросала пару деталей что делают её смесью из нескольких классов ( самые заметные это Скаут и Инжинер ) . Предназначение было сделано в коопе с моим другом ,который играет в TF2 достаточно много времени и я благодарна ему за помощь с механиками

Гитара : просто ближнебойное оружие , по предложению моего друга разные гитары имели бы разные баффы в обмен на другие характеристики, к примеру скорость в обмен на временное увеличение здоровья напарников или же обмен возможности мини-критов на скорость передвижения

Микрофон : спой немного песен или ударь кого нибудь, дело твое

Колонки : маленькая это портативная ,носи при себе пой песни создавай маленькую территорию для таких же мини-критов , большая же нужна скорее как аналог турели что пару раз взрывается когда в её радиусе проходят

Громкоговоритель : поскольку Мику скорее была бы классом поддержки ,то эта штука помогла бы ей небольшим аирбластом отталкивать от себя врагов дабы не получать урона

В целом концепт как класса поддержки чьё предназначение меняется от разных вариантов "оружия" с высокой скоростью но высокой уязвимостью по причине того что ты либо следуешь за кем-то либо остаёшься на месте . Буду рада услышать ваши предложения в комментариях и послушать какие нибудь идеи )

Lately I've had a strong hyperfixation on two things. TF2 and Hatsune Miku. I've seen a lot of memes but I couldn't resist creating small redesigns and ideas. Initially there were many design options including pants, overalls and other things but I realized that Miku doesn't look like Miku there and I just had to change her original design a little (which I love incredibly, God, I have about 5 posters with Miku in my room and about 5 more keychains, badges too, and a lot of stickers aaaaa).

In the end, I also remembered that the red team has the same eyes as the blue team, that is, they do not need to be changed, and I just played with the colors, thinking that Teto would suit the red team more than Miku (okay, we'll implement this later). Yes, we would lose the beautiful slightly purple and turquoise shades because we should at least try to stay in canonical colors. I thought for a long time about what and how Miku would need to be as a playable character and sketched out a couple of details that make her a mixture of several classes (the most noticeable are Scout and Engineer ???) The design was made in co-op with my friend, who plays TF2 for quite a long time and I am grateful to him for his help with the mechanics.

Guitar : just a melee weapon, my friend suggested that different guitars would have different buffs in exchange for other stats, like speed in exchange for a temporary increase in teammates' health, or the ability to hit mini-crits in exchange for movement speed.

Microphone : sing some songs or hit someone, it's up to you

Speakers : small is portable, carry it with you, sing songs, create a small territory for the same mini-crits, but a large one is needed more as an analogue of a turret that explodes a couple of times when people pass within its radius

Loudspeaker: Since Miku would rather be a support class, this thing would help her push enemies away from herself with a small airblast so as not to take damage.

In general, the concept is as a support class whose purpose changes from different "weapon" options with high speed but high vulnerability due to the fact that you either follow someone or stay in place. I will be glad to hear your suggestions in the comments and listen to some ideas)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my cousin that her baby's nursery is boring and lifeless

I (24F) have an older cousin J (27F) who is like an older sister to me. Well she's currently six months pregnant with her first child and just recently finished the nursery so she invited me and my fiancé M (24M) over to see it for the first time.

Well we went and saw it yesterday.

You know those moms on instagram and tiktok that try to make their nurseries "aesthetic" and "minimalist" by making EVERYTHING beige, gray, or white?

Yeah thats what she did.

Everything in that room was either white or pale gray. The walls were white, the ceiling was white, the crib, blankets, curtains, blankets, even all the toys were white or gray.

And the only decoration in that room was a wooden circle, painted gray, with the baby's name right above the crib.

That room felt so cold and straight up sterile, like a hospital room. I cannot tell how unwelcoming and downright unsettling that room felt.

(and she wants to put a BABY in there?)

And J was just smiling a big smile, talking about how clean and calming the room was. (Calming how exactly? Just standing in that pale lifeless room was triggering my anxiety so bad that my chest had started to hurt from how hard my heart was beating)

I look over at M and he has the same uneasy "what the fuck?" expression on his face that I did.

J then asked if I liked it and wanted to do something similar for my own nursery (Im currently twelve weeks pregnant myself)

I outright told her no and when she asked why not I told her that her nursery was incredibly boring and bland. (I didnt tell her that being in this nursery made me feel like I was put in solitary confinement) she got angry and started yelling, saying that she worked really hard on this nursery to make it look as good as it does.

M tried to tell her to at the very least add some colorful flowers or something because babies need color and visual stimulation when they're young(which is true) but she said it would ruin the aesthetic. J then told us both to leave since we hated her hard work so much. (Also babies are very MESSY and stay very messy even when they become children. Like I distinctly remember running around covered in stickers, mud, finger paint, leftover food, and juice for a good portion of my childhood. So why would you want the room where your baby spends the most time to white? Aka one of the most difficult colors to keep clean? Thats just asking for problems)

Well a couple of hours later J's friends starting dming us, calling us awful people, saying that the nursery wasnt for the baby it was for the mom so J could decorate the nursery however she pleased (??? Its literally the BABY'S room) that we were just jealous of her good design and we were being assholes to a pregnant woman.

I dont really think we were rude and she's the one that asked for our opinion. But idk so Im letting tumblr decide

Were we the assholes?

What are these acronyms?

[stsgooo]

Misclick.

✩࿐ summary: an evening where you feel particularly confident leads to an embarrassing and bountiful encounter.

warning(s): minors and ageless blogs DNI! suggestive talk, teacher!geto au, kinda crack fic, mutual masturbation, phone sex, afab!reader, descriptions of female anatomy, not proof read. wc; 3.2k

pairing(s): geto suguru x fem!reader, shoko x fem!reader (if you squint).

a/n: trying to get practice writing smut and smut adjacent things. please lmk what i could work on :)

divider 1

TODAY WAS YOURS TO CLAIM.

Everything was falling into place for you. The third years were at your beck and call, Gojo hadn’t been a particularly loud problem today, and the set you ordered a few months ago came in.

When you got the notification on your phone, you thought the stars finally aligned and some higher being was thanking you for your hard work. Finally, you would be able to just live and have some fun while doing it.

After work, you practically skipped out of the school, blatantly ignoring Gojo who made some backhanded comment about rainbows coming out of your ass. You had priorities. One of which was getting home as quickly as possible and putting that lingerie set on so you could just lay about with some overbearing sense of confidence. A part of you wanted to be smug, while another, a tiny part of you, worried about what it’d look like.

The sticker less box was sitting against your apartment door when you arrived. The only identifying thing on it was your name address then a big smiley face thanking you for your purchase. Almost scandalized, you quickly brought the box inside and went to your room. Taking a quick shower before putting on the set.

The lingerie set was something you had found together with Shoko on one of your many girls nights. Both of you had been laughing at the obscure designs of some of them, making comments how it would be better to not wear anything at all than a thin piece of fabric. When it caught both of your eyes. The model for it was gorgeous, that’s probably where you both initially got stunted. She was practically exposed right there on the webpage, winking at the camera. You were about to scroll away when Shoko had loudly proclaimed: You would look so hot in that. And your fate had been sealed.

Now, standing in front of your large mirror, you silently thanked Shoko for her amazing intuition. You looked hot and you looked very fuckable.

The lingerie set was a soft purple color, the fabric was entirely lace so it left little to the imagination, but the little dark purple hearts over your nipples gave you some illusion of modesty. The girdle was snug against your upper thighs and the stockings felt almost like silk against your skin.

The sight of yourself in the mirror made you blush, eyeing it all in a new way. You looked amazing.

All things considered, you felt incredible.

Your phone on your nightstand vibrated and you felt a little giddy as you grabbed it. A text from Shoko and three other texts you weren’t going to pay attention to now. You had texted Shoko while you were leaving about the set arriving and she had just responded with an enthusiastic show it to me!!

You raised an eyebrow.

You

do you want to come over or…?

It took one minute for Shoko to respond.

Shosho ❤️

no time. just send a picture please. 🙏 need to see your hotness in all its glory! thx

You

i’ve never taken a picture like that before.

Shosho ❤️

it doesn’t have to be high quality, you’re not in a porno. don’t deprive me of being right.

You

fine. but don’t complain when you can’t see any of the juicy details.

Shosho ❤️

my heart is breaking.

You smiled stupidly at your friend’s behavior and looked to the mirror. You were never exactly one to take pictures of yourself. Shoko practically had to hold you at gunpoint when it came to it. Most of your pictures were of food and whenever Gojo got his grubby hands on your phone to take a million photos of himself and his students. But you were feeling nice tonight, you were feeling like you were definitely worth the cloud space usage being used on yourself for once.

With your little knowledge on lewd pictures, you found yourself in various positions.

First, you had opted into taking pictures of yourself in the mirror next to your bed. The first photo had been you simply sitting with your legs folded on either side of you, your face obscure but the set clear. The next photo was you on your knees, now opting to ghosting your fingers over the bra strap. The last picture was a little more risqué. You had your chest to the floor, your back arched and your ass raised. It was dark in your room but you could just make out the outline of your cunt in the mirror.

You figured the pictures would be enough, but, high on a streak, you switch positions to your bed.

You took only two photos there. One with you looking up at the camera with a wink and a grin, pulling the bra down just shy of your nipple, pressing your legs together. The next one was the boldest. Your face was no longer in frame, with more focus on your body. The bra now gone, an arm thrown over your breasts to hide your nipples, but your legs were spread to show off the little dark patch where your slick was collecting on the underwear.

Okay, maybe you were getting too into it.

After the pictures were taken, you figured that it would be both funny and relieving to send all of them to Shoko. After all, she would probably want to bask in her glory.

You gathered all six photos, typed will this satisfy you? and pressed send, then threw the phone off to the side.

Now, nervousness took ahold of you. There was something jarring about the whole thing. But you tried to remind yourself that Shoko had asked. This would all be a great opportunity to get out of your self deprecating shell. Tonight was about you-

Your phone vibrated and you practically jumped to read whatever response the woman may have drummed up.

It was Shoko, but with nothing you expected.

Shosho ❤️

okay, how can someone naturally sexy take this long to take pictures? don’t tell me you bailed.

Immediately, you were confused.

It hadn’t taken you super long to take the pictures. You briefly convinced yourself that it was simply taking too long to send. But the painfully blank screen on your side was making you sick.

You quickly backed out of your texts with Shoko and into your bank of unread and forgotten contacts. You didn’t have to look far. Right under Shoko’s name with the “Attachment: 6 images” proudly displayed under it. The last person you wanted to send these to.

Geto Suguru.

You and Geto had never really gotten along. You didn't have any ill feelings towards him. In fact, when he first started, you had an embarrassing and rather childish crush on him. He was attractive, extremely pretty, it wasn't hard to feel a little nervous around him. However, he had appeared indifferent towards you. There weren't many opportunities for you to get to know one another, so you had counted your losses and moved on with your life. There was a silent agreement between the both of you, you just never spoke to him unless he initiated first or you really needed something.

But here you were now. Sent him photos where you're practically dripping and you barely spoke to the man.

You were going to kill yourself.

You found yourself returning back to Shoko with tears pooling in your eyes.

You

i misclicked and sent them to geto.

The read read receipt was instant, however Shoko’s response came two minutes later.

Shosho ❤️

i would love to see his face.

You

shoko, this is serious.

Shosho ❤️

has he seen them yet? if not, just try explaining it away.

You quickly clicked the back to Geto’s messages and hoped to see that he was busy and just hadn’t seen them. Your heart dropped further when you saw the read receipt under the photos. It’d been five minutes since he first saw them. You paled and felt like you could just about throw up when you saw the three dots on his side appear, disappear, then appear, then disappear. He was definitely typing up a storm about how inappropriate this was and that they’d be having a discussion with Yaga tomorrow morning.

However, his message was nothing of the sort.

Geto.

?

Nice bra.

Or lack thereof.

Still mad at you about the curses BTW.

You’re seriously going to kill yourself. This was it.

Your face flushed red, embarrassment and shame took ahold of you in an instant.

You

Geto, I’m so sorry. These were meant for someone else, this was a complete accident. Not an excuse, I should’ve been paying attention.

Again, I’m so sorry.

Your fingers shook as you typed out your deeply apologetic message.

Of all the people to accidentally send it to, it was the guy that acted like he had a bone to pick with you. The one guy out of the entire staff that just didn’t appear to like you.

You silently pondered and wished it had been Gojo you accidentally sent them to. He would’ve acted like a pervert and probably teased you about it for weeks on end, but he was friendly. He knew your limits. You feared exactly what Geto would do.

Geto.

You could make it up to me.

Can you call?

You

Sure.

The call came through in an instant, as if he had been hovering his thumb over the button waiting for your response. You answered and were about to apologize profusely, offering to take care of all his assignments for the next two months. You were about to until he spoke up.

“I’ve been thinking,” Geto’s voice was smooth and low on the other end, yet soft. As it always had been. His tone always as if he’s observing something interesting. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

You weren’t exactly sure what you expected from this call, but this definitely wasn’t even in the top twenty.

You blinked, your gaze on the ceiling. “You’ve been… thinking about me?” You repeated slowly, feeling suspicious.

Geto hummed. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about you. About how we barely talk and I was trying to talk to you then… then you send those pictures.” He sounded a little breathless on the other end.

Your heart skipped a beat. “Geto, seriously, I’m so sorry-“

“Don’t apologize.”

You pressed your lips together at his interruption. He was definitely going to chew you out.

He took in a shaky breath, something that was terribly soft and unsteady. It made you tense up, eyebrows raising. "Seriously, don't apologize. You're, uh," he released an airy chuckle, "You're really hot."

You flushed. "Huh?"

"I said, you're really hot." He repeated himself and it was apparent by his tone that he was smirking. Your cheeks burned and you almost felt like your heart stopped completely. "And I've thought that for a while too."

"You have?"

"How could I not?"

You almost felt blindsided by his words. A nervous laugh leaving you. "You've never acted like I was anything worth a second glance." You tried to hide the vague hurt that lingered in your voice, but it was harder than you thought.

You prayed that he couldn't hear it, but it was apparent he had when there was an audibly shift from his side. "I will... I will apologize for that. I will apologize for that right now." He cleared his throat. "Y/N, I'm deeply sorry for how I've acted towards you. I've always thought you were interesting, but I just, uh, there was never ample opportunity for us to talk."

"Apology accepted," only because you wanted to continue to hear his sweet voice like this. And you couldn't stay mad at him. "You're only apologizing because of those pictures, aren't you?"

"No, no, no. I've been wanting to apologize for a while."

You weren't entirely convinced. "I'm sure."

Geto chuckled. "Sure, it was definitely a motivating factor, but I've been wanting to apologize and to talk to you for a while. Satoru keeps calling me a pussy, but I can't help it when I see you. I get nervous." You furrow your brow when you hear him take in a sharp inhale of breath. "I can't lie right now, I'm really hard."

Your heart skips and you feel your cunt give an involuntary clench. "Is that so?" You uttered, your hand subconsciously ghosting over your chest. A featherlight touch that made a slight thrum of your pulse start in your core.

"Y-Yeah," Geto's voice was a breathless whisper, shaky, but still butter sweet. "I couldn't help it when I saw those pictures, y'know? Especially that one of you laying down, your tits looked amazing and I just wanted... I wanted to feel them."

Your fingers ghost over your erect nipple. In response, you gasp softly, your eyes fluttering close. "Geto..." You sigh softly, grabbing your breast.

"Ah, f..." Geto stutters. There's a shuffle on the other end, then the distinct sound of a zipper. His breath is heavy when he seemingly returns the phone next to his ear. "Are you touching yourself?"

Moving your attention to your aching cunt, you roll your fingers over your panty clad clit. "I am now." You breathed.

"Me too."

The thought of Geto stroking his cock right now while sitting on the phone with you, brought goosebumps to your skin. Enough to make your cunt pathetically clench around nothing and for you moan softly under your breath. Was he thick and heavy? Probably. You have no doubt he was endowed especially with his beauty.

As if reading your mind, he spoke, "my cock is aching for you, baby. Barely even touched myself and I'm already leaking-- you got me so worked up. I wish I was there with you so I could fill your tight cunt up." His breath is shuddering and heavy. His voice deep and smooth as he speaks into your ear. "I wanna feel you squeeze around me."

In tandem with his words, you clench around your fingers, desperately grasping around what isn't there. "Fuck me." You choked out.

There's an audible sound on the other end as if Geto's spitting, then there's a squelch, and his panting becomes harder. "And then after, I would eat you out and watch it all spill outta you." His words were slurring together as the pleasure mounted up. But you didn't care as you moaned and mewled in response to his words. "T-Then, I'd do it all over again--- Fucking... squeezing me."

It was almost surprising the noises that emitted from you and your body. Your pussy was clenching and squelching as your fingers worked endlessly and in tandem with the assumed pace Suguru has on his cock. You could feel the familiar ball in your gut tighten and the almost itching feeling in your clit heighten. The image of him burying himself deep within you, filling you up until you were spilling everywhere-- it was almost enough to send you over. You wished to feel his tongue against your clit, the kissing and the licks he place against it. To taste himself and you on his tongue..

You pressed your head back against your pillows, your back arching. "Faster, Suguru." As if he was in the room with you, as if he was the one touching you and not your fingers frantically chasing after your orgasm. "R-Right there."

"Right there? You like it there?" It appeared that Suguru was fully willing to play along with your fantasy. Maybe it was his too. His words a mere growl amongst the moans and pants between the both of you. You pictured his face flushed, his bangs sticking to his sweat covered forehead, and his eyes staring at you from heavy lids.

You wished you could see him.

You clench your teeth as your walls desperately clench and your legs shake. "I-I...I'm so close, Suguru." You resisted the urge to close your legs as the overwhelming feeling inched closer. Your abdomen and your entire body threatening to stiffen up as you came all over your fingers.

"Mm," Suguru's hum was deep, "Me too. I'm going to too."

There wasn't a moment wasted as you cursed under your breath, the familiar wave of bliss washing over your body as you sung his praises. You were barely paying attention as he grunted out your name with a long groan. Too busy with your jolting hips as your rubbed lazy circles over your aching and overstimulated clit. It was good. Just on the phone its was so good and your heart pathetically ached at the thought of this just being phone sex.

Your legs fell limply to the bed and your eyes closed. You weren't entirely sure how you were still holding onto your phone as everything felt so heavy and light at the same time. However, you could hear Suguru trying to recover on the other end.

It took his a few moments, but he finally seemed to regain himself.

"That was..." Suguru cleared his throat, sounding awkward and amused at the same time. "Five minutes... that's a little embarrassing."

"I won't judge." You said without hesitation.

He giggled. Giggled. You felt your heart sputter. "How kind." He stuttered a nervous breath and you felt it all come to a close. So much for more than phone sex. "Hey, I-I've made quite the mess, so I gotta clean up. We'll talk tomorrow before work, yeah?"

"Okay." You breathed, not at all hopeful that there'd be a conversation being had with the both of you tomorrow.

"I was serious when I said I think about you. Some lewd photos don't change that." His tone was serious but tender all the same. "Goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight, Suguru."

The call was dropped quickly. The phone being quickly thrown to the side as you pressed your hands against your red face. You ignored the numerous texts Shoko sent asking for updates and hoping you hadn't decided to really end yourself this time over some guy. As if some guy hadn't spent ten minutes on the phone, stroking his dick while you came with his name on your lips.

It was certainly a turn that you hadn't expected. To be pushing your fingers in yourself while Geto Suguru fucked his hand on the other end of the phone. Embarrassment would kill you tomorrow. Awkwardness would weigh over the both of you and Gojo would definitely--

Before you could continue your descent into madness, your phone vibrated again. Thinking it Shoko, you decided to open it.

Instead, it was Suguru.

It was an image attachment and, for whatever reason, you hadn't expected what it was.

It was taken from the back camera, pointing down as he laid down on what appeared to be his bed. His sweatpants were pushed down to his thighs and his softened cock was resting against his abdomen where a pool of cum was. His left hand rested right next to it, also covered in his cum. He was thicker than you imagined and definitely long. This was him soft?

Your eyes widened further as you read his message.

Geto.

Hope you keep that set around for next time x

You were so fucked.