#its just fucking vile I'm so angry about it

[hofftrans]

I'm a huge fan of horror and horror short stories so I thought I'd check out an oldie and read borrasca and tbh I hope the writer eats glass for writing that amount of gratuitous, shock value csa. I'm pro talking about such difficult subjects esp as a survivor of it myself but borrasca treated the subject with no empathy or respect towards the victims and I just. I hate it. I haven't hated a short story this much like ever but I really genuinely hate it

[txttletale]

roadhogsbigbelly is doubling down. genuinely incredible (yes i am aware how deeply funny it is to start a serious post with that sentence. it is my one allotment of levity)

oh okay you just assumed that "loliporn" was involved and something that i deserved to be associated with defending and accused of making "integral to the queer identity" because of stuff that the OP (who i cannot stress enough i never followed or talked to or knew in any fucking way!) did that got called out months after i made my addition?

the rest of his post is just a very lengthy way of saying "umm if you didn't want to be called a pedophile because you were mean about stardew valley maybe you should be more careful about how you reblog from". yeah buddy im sure you apply that standard to yourself too huh. im sure you pull out your Bad Person detector every time you reblog a fucking post and beam OP with it. you literally screenshot my post about how as a trans women i get this standard uniquely applied to me and went "um its a good standard though. answer for the actions of every fucking person youve ever reblogged a post by".

and all this whole fucking schtick where he's like "ummmm im not calling you a pedophile :) i just assumed you thought 'loliporn was integral to the queer identity' based on source: i made it up and am going out of my way to repeatedly say you're agreeing with pedophiles and not being wary enough about pedophiles and that 99% of people who make the type of post im accusing you of making are pedophiles" is so fucking pathetic and if you fall for it you are a blatant transmisogynist like come the fuck on man.

i am no longer having a nice time on the computer, i am pretty fucking angry. and all this because he "doesnt have much skin in the game" but he doesn't like my stardew valley takes! yeah man real proportionate response.

not to mention the aside he makes to say 'wah wah someone told me to kill myself' amiguito do you have any fucking idea what my inbox has looked like since this entire transmisogynistic harassment campaign began a week ago? i delete those asks because i'm not into flaunting every piece of online abuse i get to make myself look like the victim in computer arguments but it has been constant and graphic! breaking news, women are people too, some of the most cutting-edge research suggests they might even have feelings!

"oh i censored her identity i dont know how she even found it" oh okay so you were anonymously pedojacketing me to your thousands of followers while vaguing about a post i made that had thousands of notes and using the same screenshot that an uncensored version of was passed around with thousands of notes as part of a transmisogynistic harassment campaign last fucking week?

how could anyone possibly have guessed it was me! it's a real mystery man it was basically witness protection. "oh but i didn't know, i didn't know she was trans", maybe he'll also say he didn't know about the harassment campaign, hey fucker, maybe apply some of the constant scrutiny you're reserving for women who are mean about farming game and apply it to yourself and consider looking into these things before baselessly making pedo accusations against someone!

this transmisogynistic crybully shit is absolutely fucking insufferable and i am absolutely sick of it and anyone who buys into it. i'm done assuming good faith or ignorance. i am not going to be a good placid little bullying target and acquiesce to this vile shit. it's truly fucking incredible that a tme guy can be found out as an actual pedophile and guys like mr. belly can immediately jump into action to use this as an opportunity to denounce a trans woman who had one interaction with him ever that consisted of five minutes spent typing an addition to a post and hitting ''reblog''. & if you don't find that sickening then straight up you are not safe for trans women to be around.

[thesunfyre4446]

Yo. New to the HoTD discourse. I hope you don't mind me rant dumping on your blog. I'm a bit scatterbrained so I hope I lay out my feelings about these things clearly. I have finally watched HoTD and ....

Listen, I could have liked Rhaenyra well enough, in fact I didn't really mind her in the beginning. But it really all changed once I saw what the audience were saying. How the majority seems to have no sympathy for Allicent at all.

I thought we all understood that no character in Westeros is really all that great?? So I really cant understand the vile hatred spewed towards her? It feels like they even hate her more than anyone ever hated Joffrey or Cersei. People were rightfully angry with the show runners decision to have Jaime r*** her in that one scene. People were capable of feeling empathy for Cersei despite how despicable she is. But there's SOOO much victim blaming for Alicent. It drives me fucking nuts. And to show sympathy for her would have people dogging on you.

I really cannot believe my eyes when I see people thinking she willingly seduced that rotten walking corpse.

I was so naive to think people would understand where her character is coming from. She is utterly powerless. She doesn't have a king for a father to pardon every mistake she makes. She's suffocating and it makes sense for her to hate Rhaenyra who has more privilege than any woman who ever lived in that world, and yet still step over every single rule while expecting everyone else to just live with the consequences of her actions. We're supposed to like her??

I GET that the point of it all is that monarchy is just a shitty way to run a kingdom. I GET that Rhaenyra being a terrible ruler is the point. Man or woman it never mattered.

What I don't get is people thinking she's some feminist figurehead?? She behaves as a man does in that universe, entitled and unfit for what they feel entitled to. I get that that's the point, but that doesn't mean she's for the women at all. Like any man, she's out for herself. Why would I like her if she behaves as any corrupt man in that world would, when the only difference is she doesn't have a dick? And I wouldn't necessarily mind that? I don't watch HoTD or GoT for perfect characters. But if only the audience didn't treat her like some sort of hero and Alicent the pure villain.

I never felt frustrated with GoT discourse. Why the fuck does it seem like HoTD has bred this extremely toxic environment? You can't seem to have a different opinion unless your mouths dick sucking on Team Black.

Dany, just as entitled as she was, she was still able to do as duty demanded. Rhaenyra is a just a spoiled child all the way through. The hatred for Alicent and the inability for people to see Rhaenyra for what she is, has me thinking people have really missed the fucking point about what feminism actually is. And once again, I didnt watch HoTD for feminism. But the audience seems to think Rhaenyra is a beacon for it. Wether intentional or not, ideas take on a life of its own and you cannot divorce these fan-imposed ideas from the show anymore. That's really the part of all this that pisses me off.

I'm TG now not because I condone everything they've ever done. Literally everyone fucking sucks. I'm TG because I understand everyone fucking sucks. And I dislike being tube fed by the biased writers on what to think and feel.

anon, not a single lie was told.

people hate on alicent for displaying human emotions. it's insane. it's always "rhaenyra will turn westeros into barbieland" until someone brings out the fact that she has no intention of helping any other woman other then herself and then it's all "well, we shouldn't judge her from a modern day pov"..

"I'm TG because I understand everyone fucking sucks" this!! also, they have better characters lol

[teddyqd]

just finished tell me i'm worthless and i cannot coherently put my thoughts together about it but. fucking hell. it's horror that is born from horror. it's paranormal born from what we've come to accept as normal. it's a book that chewed itself up and vomited itself back up. it's sick and angry and hatefilled and pushes so hard to get the clot out of its chest and onto the page. it's hard to call it "good", because the accepted value of "good" has been turned into something that would discount how viscerally upsetting and graphic and horrible this book was, but for a value of "good" as a marker of quality? an acknowledgement that this book achieved its goal? it's very fucking good.

if you're reading this before you read the book, go into it with your eyes open to the fact that it is a very heavy book, and its given CWs will deliver in explicit, awful, vile, skincrawling detail. if something on there will upset you, this is not the book you need to read for exposure therapy.

but fuck if it doesn't show despair how it feels.

writing wise, i think some of the form fell flat, but i think, overall, it's fucking brilliant.

[eye-in-hand]

Fighting against, and standing up to antisemitism is very important to me. Not just because racism in all of its forms is vile and should be called out, but because antisemitism is something that's affected me very personally.

I talked a little bit about this in my why I'm converting post, but to keep it simple. I was raped by a neo-nazi who kept me isolated, forced me to be financially dependent on him, targeted me when I was 17 years old, kept me in his basement, physically abused me, among other things - because he thought I was Jewish. I am not ethnically Jewish. I'm English and Rusyn. However my entire life I've been perceived as Jewish. It got me bullied, abused, and raped.

So of fucking course when some idiot shows their ass in the one fandom space I had, about how they're sooo antiracist, sooo not bigoted, they just don't want jews, I mean zionists, in their space, of fucking course it's going to make me angry. Of fucking course I'm going to talk about it. Of fucking course I'm fucking disgusted.

It's not my fault these people fell down the rabbit hole of Russian and Iranian propaganda. It's not my fault these people think they get to tell Jews what Zionism means, or automatically assume that not advocating for the genocide of Jews, or being pro- the country where 50% of the Jews (and about 100% of the Jews from the MENA region) live must mean I support killing Palestinians. Or it means that I support genocide. It isn't my fault. Yet I, and other Jews, pay the punishment for it.

No. I don't support genocide. Of any group of people. I don't support violence towards other people based on where they happened to live or what race they happen to be. I don't support imperialism when it's done by anyone. And I FULLY SUPPORT the right of indigenous peoples to have self determination on their native land.

And if you have a problem with that, you have a lot of history to learn, a lot of bigotry to unpack, and a lot of shutting up to fucking do.

I support a two state solution because it's the ONLY way I can see peace happening in an area of the world that has been filled with blood shed for thousands of years. But at the end of the day, I'm a western convert, and my opinion on the Middle East is not as important as people who live there. And there are Israelis and Palestinians who are doing much more for peace than reblogging scam donation posts, supporting Hamas, or harassing Jews online and kidding themselves into thinking they're on the side standing against bigotry. And I support those people. Jew, Arab, or otherwise.

I do not support ignorant fuckwads who think they understand a conflict that doesn't affect them. I do not support ignorant fuckwads who think they get to tell a minority group they are not a part of what that minority group's words mean. I do not support historical revisionism, conspiracy theories, or advocating for the genocide of ANYONE.

And if you have an issue with a Jew telling you that what you're saying is antisemitic, when MULTIPLE JEWS ALL OVER THE INTERNET, have said that the movement you're supporting advocates for the death of all Jews, YOU ARE A RACIST BIGOT. You are the racist bitch you say you hate. You are not immune to bigotry. You are not immune to propaganda. You are not helping anyone with your self righteous virtue signaling slacktivism. You are pathetically ignorant. And I'd feel fucking bad for you if you weren't digging your heels in refusing to acknowledge that you have fucked up.

I don't feel bad for Nazis. I don't feel bad for people who throw Jewish lives away. I don't feel bad for people who throw Palestinian lives away. I have no sympathy for bigots.

By the way, that post wasn't even fucking about you. It says more about you thinking my calling someone out for being racist was about you than it does about me. But this post is about you, and it's the only one you're fucking getting from me. Go fuck yourself.

I know what Nazis sound like. And you sound just fucking like him.

This isn't some stupid fandom drama or some stupid fight between people that hung out in a stupid discord. This is shit that affects real people's lives, and you're perpetuating violence. Disgusting.

[twistedwonderlandshenanigans]

Vil and Rook's Backstory - Monster AU

Monster: Vil - The equivalent of "Frankenstein's" monster Rook - Not a monster, just severely traumatized and Mentally Ill (Mad Scientist) Word Count: ~1.98K Relationships: Rook - Vil, Not Healthy, Rook's family, Vil's father, random fans TW: This one is Fucked Up, Dead Dove; Do Not Eat. I'm putting the rest of the Triggers under the cut

Rook plays with his dead families body parts, resurrection, murder, gore, graphic images, stitches/"medical" setting, stalker, death, etc. etc. ----------------------------------------------------------------------

"You shouldn't do it-" "Yes you should Rook, surely he'll understand-" "You could make it GORY and disgusting and-" "Don't be so vile, death is a beautiful passage-" "He wouldn't keep him dead, that's the whole point! He kills him, he saves him, and he loves him until they're both alright to die!" "Didn't Vil say he didn't want to grow old like his father?" "EXACTLY, this way Rook has full control over how he looks-" "It wouldn't be hard!" "It wouldn't be hard!" "It wouldn't be hard!" Rook laughed to himself and flopped on his back in his makeshift lab, holding the severed arms of his late family, bouncing their hands up and down like puppets as he made them "speak". He sighed rather happily, before hugging all seven of them to his chest and rocking forward to stand up. He made his way over to the giant vats of formaldehyde he had his beloved family displayed in. He remembered when he had watched his father butcher his mother with morbid fascination. His other siblings had cowered, but given the opportunity, Rook swung the axe and was granted permission by his father to keep his mothers arm, given that he preserved it well. He had loved her, and despite his fathers outrage at her for reasons beyond Rook's comprehension, he understood his survival was dependent on remaining on his father's "good side", as it were, and did what was necessary to keep her in his life. He placed a soft kiss to his mothers hand, before returning it to its respective vat. Seeing as the rest of his mother had long since been....disposed of, the container was smaller than the others, and remained on his desk as inspiration.

He then walked to each of his six siblings, depositing their limbs back into their respective vats, admiring his handiwork with each one. The first to go had been his brother, the one just a year older than himself. Rook was rather tired of his whining, and how he tended to make their father angry towards everyone and not just himself. Rook tapped the glass and giggled, his brothers tongue floating freely, away from the rest of his body. He had been such a sweet and innocent soul...he was typically the one Rook assigned the most voice of "reason" to. The next had been his second eldest sibling- his oldest sister. She had reminded father a little too much of mother. Rook had been fascinated, eager to take the scalpel to her face, delicately peeling away the skin until only the muscle was visible. It's hard to resemble anyone when you lack facial features. He loved the way it felt, like she was watching his every move, watching every experiment he ran, and she could do nothing about it from the vat her preserved body floated in. She would often chide him, but ultimately she just wanted him to be happy and he appreciated that. He hummed as he returned her arm to her as well. Each of his siblings were lined up in the order he and his father had killed them. One had their entire circulatory system on display, another, the digestive system, and the other had half of their body left untouched, and the other half sliced open as if to examine a cross section of the body. Finally, his eldest brother was displayed next to his father. His eldest brother was not harmed, save for the arm Rook had cut off...and the axe through his head. Rook returned the last arm in his hands to his brother, before turning to his father. His father had no visible marks. He was completely in tact. But Rook decided that if he was going to loose everyone anyways, it only made sense to get rid of the man who made him do it. There were sometimes slips in his mentality, where what he had done would overwhelm him and he would try to join them. But he had gotten better at combating those...episodes. Despite the families perception of him, Rook was not close with his father. The effort he put into impressing him never paid off. It was funny to him now, but when he was little it hurt. But of course, back then he couldn't use electricity to simulate movement in a corpse. And now he could. He had collected various parts from monsters over the years, harvested their DNA, and worked relentlessly to perfect regenerative cells, preservative qualities, venom, and many other traits all to benefit his end game. When he found someone who was worthy of being his eternal partner, in both life and death, he would be able to keep them alive. Thankfully, he already found that person. But they were in the public eye so much that trying to court them would be far too difficult in the current state of affairs. Thankfully, Rook didn't care if he was dead or alive when he got him. If everyone else believed he was dead or missing, then he could keep the celebrity all to himself. -------------------------

Vil woke up to a blaringly white light, his limbs like lead as he tried to block his vision from the blinding light. The circular light was turned off quickly, as Rook's masked face leaned over him. He tugged his mask down, revealing his grin, before he leaned down and kissed Vil's forehead gently. Vil recoiled slightly in surprise, before relaxing just slightly once he realized who it was, groaning softly. "Rook?....what happened?" Rook moved away slightly, sitting in his spinny stool like an excited toddler. Vil slowly sat up, registering the hospital gown he was wearing, closing his eyes a bit and pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to think. "....what happened?" "I believe the more important question dear, is how do you feel?" Vil shot Rook an unamused glance. While they hadn't been close, over the past few months Vil had found the eccentric man's energy rather invigourating and uplifting - dealing with the loss of his father, and coming to terms with the fact he was an orphan had been difficult, but Rook always seemed to be exactly where he needed him, and knew exactly what to say. However it was that fact exactly that blinded him to the blatant red flags radiating off this man. However, that man at the moment looked absolutely giddy for reasons Vil couldn't fathom. The glance didn't last long, however, as Vil caught sight of his hands- stitches lined near every knuckle, along his wrist, up his forearm- panic started to set in as he pushed up the sleeve slightly, not registering any pain and moving faster to check the other side before looking at Rook in disbelief and fear. "What h-happened to me Rook? Please just tell me, why am I covered in- w-what happened to my body, where is my body, or makeup removal wipes, just tell me this all comes off and we'll be fine-" "Oh it all comes off alright-" Rook giggled, gently taking Vil's hand and kissing the back of it gently, before splaying his fingers over his own hand and simply pulling one off, the stitching making a horrid noise as it came undone. Vil flinched, but realized he didn't actually feel anything. Despite that, he started to tear up, not pulling away as Rook just started to sew his finger back on, humming gleefully. "I couldn't let you join your dear father, but your body....mm...it was horrifically mutilated dear Vil. I won't get into details. But I hope you find the proportions appropriate. I tried to honour your original body best I could with the substitutions I could find of your oh so loyal fans." Rook let a tiny giggle slip out at the look Vil gave him. He finished sewing on his finger before shifting the lights in the room and helping Vil sit up more. Had there been contents in his stomach, he would have thrown up at the vile scene in front of him. Dozens of people in various states of dissection and decay in front of him. It was clear some had been there for weeks, their bodies bloated and discoloured. That didn't stop him from bringing his hand up in front of his mouth in disbelief and disgust, but he wasn't given long to dwell on his feelings as Rook picked him up with ease and carried him beyond a set of intimidating looking doors to a room full of green and blue vats of liquid.

They all had disturbing to look at creatures in them, but Vil's eyes settled on a vat in the very center of the room, nothing but arms and legs in there. Ones that were wearing his clothes....and looked as if they had been hacked off haphazardly. Rook set Vil down gently on the desk in front of the main vat, before walking closer and pointing excitedly to them. "Now in case you happen to die- again, at least, and I'm not able to salvage you, I can regenerate you. I will regenerate you if I must. But for now you're in a form where you can no longer feel pain. No longer will you grow old. And you'll never die without me with you!" he giggled. Rook turned to admire the limbs set in the preservative, rambling on about something or other, but Vil had pulled himself together enough to recognize he shouldn't stay. He knew to move quietly and quickly, especially with Rook seeming so enamoured with....the parts of him he could keep. Thinking about it that way made it feel so wrong though. Vil gave himself to take a deep breath, trying to give himself a character mindset to slip into rather than trying to deal with this himself. After a moment, he found that despite his disgust, he was able to pick through the bodies until he found a relatively fresh one, whispering an apology under his breath as he undressed them, throwing their clothes on, and someone else's hoodie on top. He didn't care for fashion, or comfort, he just needed to leave. He found himself looking over his shoulder before testing the entrance door, which opened fairly easily. He had no real plan, just to get out. ----------------------------

Rook knew Vil was leaving. Of course he did. He watched it happen in the reflection of the vat. If he were to take a guess, Vil was going to dress himself before running as far as his new body could take him. While he almost regretted not putting a chip in him, it would only make the chase more fun...more fulfilling when he finally got his beloved back. ----------------------------- Vil stumbled into a gas station out of the pouring rain hours later, grubby, tired and disgusted with himself. He kept his hood pulled over his head enough to hide his face to ask the clerk for the bathroom key. As he waited, his attention went to the TV, where a reporter gave him the news Rook refused to give him. Apparently, over a month ago he had gone missing. And apparently it was only in the last two days that his old car had been found, nearly blown completely to pieces and well off the road he had taken with intentions to go to a shoot. Police presumed him dead already. The shock and fatigue began to wear on him as he realized just what Rook had done. He shakily accepted the bathroom key, letting himself into the filthy gas station washroom, slipping down to the floor in a whirl of emotions. He let hearty sobs wrack his body - this...new...borrowed one, laid on his side and let the fatigue wash over him, passing out on the disgusting bathroom floor. He could figure out the rest in the morning. -----------------------------------------------------

A/N: god I'm tired wish me luck on my exam today

if you made it here, you might want to check out my other Twstober works here, or if you're looking for some fluff after that fic, you can check out my main masterlist here. Ask box is open if you have any questions! Thanks for reading!

[a-faggot-with-opinions]

do you realize you can talk about that stuff without being actually transmisogynistic in the process? like calling trans women "those people" (phrasing often used for othering and used demeaningly), mocking being called transmisogynistic, acting like trans men have no axis of power above trans women (because yes, everyone is oppressed, but they are just generally in more danger by default. trans women are always the strawmen conservatives fearmonger about), and generally turning it into a thing of trans men vs trans women.... like you are talking about this in a very fucking weird way and i dont know if its just cuz ur angry or what. but like also are you not able to tell when people are clearly venting on their blog to themselves and their friends about something and are not directly talking about you? turning this into "trans women want to rape me" is actually vile behavior. you ARE in fact being transmisogynistic here. was what they said nice, necessarily? no. but it is not a genuine threat, nor was it actually meant for you. they were clearly joking to their trans masc friends. sometimes you stumble upon people joking in a way that does not mesh with you. that does not mean you need to take it as a personal attack. also you and that other person did the exact same thing you claimed they did (saying trans men will become terfs, etc) by saying theyre all evil racist 4channers etc like... god! just be fucking normal! i thought you hated cis people not other trans people!

I'm about to go to sleep so I won't respond to this anon fully but saying that me getting mad at someone for making a "joke" about raping me and making excuses after that is transmisogynistic is actually really misogynistic. The people involved weren't even trans women, it was transmascs.

It's not your place to tell someone who's been sexually harassed by this guy's followers all day how I should feel about this guy and the other vile shit the people on that thread said about me. This has nothing to do with trans women and you know it. I never said all trans women are racist either. Me getting angry because TRANS MASCS "joked" about raping me has LITERALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH TRANS WOMEN!

[itsdappleagain]

hell yeah baby backstory time

it is time for the boston tea party caper!!

notes under the cut assss always

this episode is a bit of a mix-up for me. i like it but not my favorite all things considered. i'm still excited though- some of the moments in this episode are GOLD

HQ!!!

JHSGHSD "hey red hows san diego" "not great" "im not talking about you girl"

"i thought he lived in the cloud"

player looks so unamused pls

PLEASE "though i am hearing voices again" HOW WAS THAT RELEVANT. WERE U HEARING VOICES BEFORE

shadowsan is the best character here he's so funny

THE "THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT"

if they vowed to use their "superpowers" for good and ivy hotwired that car later on i guess maybe they used to steal cars and then decided to go straight maybe

ivy is so cool

OH hey also by the way their younger designs. SO GOOD carmen should have gotten a dorky in between phase we were robbbbed

small

not trey and his butt chin

i like how the screen glitches when its paused on trey. new headcanon this is a powerpoint presentation they threw together right then and there

you dare knock LYDIA

"i got this" zack says with the confidence of a man who just ate taco bell learning they won't see another restroom for eight more hours on the road trip

the talking through the race kills me every time 😭you can't hear each other

man this racetrack has an overhead drone keeping exact pace with the leading car

zack had a chase devineaux phase too once

carmen sandiego: oh no no we're rated for seven year olds!! the boston tea party caper: the mafia boss who lent us money threatened to put a hit out on us if we didn't commit a robbery for him on a suspicious front for a money laundering operation for the mob

the main reason i dislike this episode and need for speed is because zack doesnt ever get to learn. he was impulsive and it was bad in duke of vermeer, he was impulsive and it was bad in boston tea (okay fine, it shows us his younger self! fine with that) BUT THEN HE IS IMPULSIVE AND ITS BAD AGAIN NEXT TIME. FOR THE SAME REASONS whyyy wouldn't they take duke of vermeer as an opportunity to show his growth instead of making him out to be some angry no control childish idiot who sacrifices untold amounts for a little payback. and drags ivy down with him EVERY TIME

there's something so cool and sinister about ivy smiling, reassuring him, and then slowly pulling down the ski mask to hide any emotion. ivy and zack seem like they could have been prime targets for VILE recruitment- they could have gone down a much darker path

shadowsan was so invested

carmen's puberty crammed in those few months between the boat and the boston holy shit

player accidently saved zack and ivy's asses by turning off those cameras jgjsgkd

the second perspective of zack crashing into the wall kills me every time pls

here goes carmen with "its for your own safety" who taught her that phrase

i love how z and i immediately think that this person couldnt possibly be...i dont know. an employee or a manager or someone who works at the donut place. she's gotta be another thief. i mean they are right but like why

the giant ass green vault behind the fridge door 😭

WE'RE FOLLOWIN THAT LADY FOLLOWIN THOSE BREADCRUMBS TO THE DOUGH

wait didn't they arrive in a truck parked on the other side of the building

carmen ALSO had a chase devineaux phase

???? isnt that truck she just stole the one they got there in???

i mean carmen. girl. you kicked them out of their own robbery and then stole their car did you expect them not to follow you

carmen's devineaux side coming out <3 also completely shameless carmen cant drive comic plug

there are so many car accidents literally everyone could have died in for these two (this and need for speed) episodes. credits roll as the paramedics show up to carmen who just CRASHED HER CAR INTO A FUCKING HOLE HEAD FIRST

they had to make sure to show us that carmen was literally the worst driver possible to justify zack being there

i love zack immediately getting super friendly with the random woman who just stole their car, crashed it, and then stole it again with them inside

carmen: haha suave quip zack and ivy, the two most neurodivergent bitches on the planet: IN THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR

also carmen looks hilariously uncomfortable wedged behind this shipping crate. she's experiencing her first infodump

the loaning money joke is actually very funny

i kind of like how awkward carmen still is in some areas. she still talks like a VILE operative- she reports her every move to player, she simply responds with "understood." because thats the only way she knows how to relate

ANGY

ivy: oh no camera: zooms out to show the most outraged face the animators could draw

screenshots of all time

can you imagine your weirdgirl little 16 year old classmate dips and you see her a few months later and she's turned into this trenchcoat wearing 5'7" long haired adult woman whose only goal is to make your life a thousand times harder

not quite sure how this episode said "oh yeah. her classmates who knew her as a kid constantly call her by the wrong name and disrespect her despite constant corrections. and also her mother figure, seeing the new her, disowns her with the proclamation that this new person killed her child when she took this new name and betrayed her" and made it not transgender

le chevre was so cool about everything for like three minutes

HEY okay my favorite detail of the show is that when carmen runs in this episode she gets way out of breath because she isn't in shape yet i LOVE that detail

i have never heard more emotion from gina than when she went "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME"

THROW HER OVERBOARD

el topo is also cool about things for like three minutes

zack and ivy bounce constantly between dumb orange cat energy and golden retriever who would jump into the ocean for a guy who petted them once energy

legend has it carmen still manages to throw el topo and le chevre in the water every time they are within a mile of it

i love le chevre backing up and running away from her because he's like oh shit. wasn't she like the best in our class?? is she going to kill me or something?? why did she leave VILE what the fuck im booking it nah

YEAH I NEED THE ROPE CARMEN IS SO MEAN IN THIS EPISODE ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY

IVY RESPONDING TO THE ASK FOR "MUSCLES" WAS A UNIVERSAL LESBIAN WIN FOR EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE PLANET GOD WHAT AN ICONIC SCENE. MILADY. ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS KISS HER HAND GOD

its never brought up ever again that ivy's "shirt" is actually a blue undershirt and a black vest and that is criminal we needed a gay vest. something

the slomo kick is so hot

LE CHEVRE STEPPING ON HER HEAD

those plates must have hurt so fucking bad

okay well. you DO commit crimes

"the police have no idea they exist" okay. TELL THEM

SEE? VEST.

"got any room for us on your next job?" "you know what? sure! come along and help me take down this global criminal organization. uhhh what are your names again btw?"

yall i dont think eddie is going to want to see you for the money

A FLYING CAR he said yeah zack that was smart

i love how offended by literally everything the bostonians do shadowsan is

THEY MADE SHADOWSAN GET IN THE BACK BEHIND THE SEAT HAHAHAHHJHD

that hq wont be so wasted when you die of hypothermia! good luck carmen

alrighty, thats the beantown caper all done! only two more to catch up on before I'm on time again for my favorite episode this saturday >:)

[asteralis-01]

little complaint if everyone doesn't mind

here is a silly LN to break up the seriousness

I enjoy the rq community and we feel very warm and accepted here... but everyone is so angry? all the time? and theres a constantly threat of nuclear reports dropping on us and it really sucks. Even if this community didn't include paraphilias (which I get can be scary, and illegal, and is still a concept we're getting used to) I feel we would still be under the same fear. It may be some mental illness thing we have, but we have a constant fear of us being in the wrong. This fear has plastered itself onto the rqc, and sometimes I feel as though we are actually in the wrong, that we are the horrible people who do horrible things and why would we exist like that? BUt then I see how fucking AWFUL antis get sometimes and I'm like???? Are you sure you're that altruistic (thanks Alastor for reminding me that word existed), are you sure your that kind and loving. They have some awfully horrid ideals most often times, and are just as 'chronically online' as they say we are. And THEY are the ones that get rid of us. I don't consider conservative facist to be antis, because they are just a whole other breed of bad imo and I don't want to group them into the same ranks as antis, because I know that antis can be good people who just seek for happiness as well... but man they don't seem to act like it. (due to the area I live in and current situation, it will change in due time), I have some conservative and right-wing acquaintances, and ngl sometimes they are nicer and more understanding of my stances then antis are! Its not like some rqs aren't perpetuating this either, I oftentimes see antis saying violent shit, and then an rq clapping back with 'why are you so vile' and then saying even more vile shit on top of it. This is less of a problem from my experience but like sometimes the rqc is pretty rude and gross too and its like cmon dude your defeating the whole purpose. We apologize if this doesn't make sense but we just wanted to get this off of our chest, its one of the only things that bothers me about the community.

[steelthroat]

For the getting-to-know-you ask meme:

42. Are you a good judge of character?

55. Most used phrase?

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? (For what? You choose)

90. What makes you angry? (And hopefully more usefully, what do you do about it?)

Oooooh hayyy, sorry for the late reply but here it is at last

42: I think so, but more often than not I try to give the benefit of doubt if the judgment isn't positive... works 50% of the time.

55: oof so:

"Le pecore e le wacche" translation "sheeps and cows" I don't know how to explain this because it's a multilayered inside joke that requires A LOT of context ahahahh. It's funny to me tho

"That's what she said" (this never gets old)

"Slash their tires" for when people act like assholes

"Kinky~" (when my friends "threaten" me)

[Insert meme me and my best friend fixated on this week]

*insert dick joke here*

It's a terrible experience talking to me when you're a close friend of mine, it's either violence or sex-jokes ahahaha

57: okay let's say I either have to meet some friends or I have a party to attend:

My record it's 30 seconds (wear a shirt, jorts and boots)

3 minutes when I'm running late in the morning (wash up, get dressed black pencil under my eyes)

Or 30 mins or more if I want to be pretty but I've already prepared the things I have to wear

2 hours if I have to shower first and I have nothing prepared

90: many things make me angry not gonna lie... but like- varying degrees of anger. And usually I don't snap or have strong reactions unless it's a repeated offense. Like, loud noises, people repeating the same thing over and over, getting interrupted- these things make me angry but I first try to give heads up to the offenders.

The thing that makes me go feral is when someone sees insects just living their life around and starts killing them. I will throw hands for something like that, because that is absolutely vile.

I remember when i was 6 in elementary school it was recess or smt and I had caught a little cricket and I was watching it jumping around.

After one of its jumps I was just about to get it again and put it near the grass and set it free when a kid stomps on it and starts laughing in my face

(Everyone knew I liked insects and I tried to teach my peers not to be scared of them and how to get them without hurting them)

I started crying because WHAT THE FUCK? Why would you do that? Then I beat him up because I swear I've never hated someone more in that moment. That little cricket didn't deserve to die.

Another time something similar happened was when a kid tore a drawing of mine in half, I didn't beat that guy this time, but in hindsight I should have because he kept being horrible to me and everyone else... still is to this day, but now I just ignore him. It's not worth it.

So idk as of now I'm working on my anger because I do have a bit of an issue w that. I try to avoid things that make me angry and when I stumble upon them I try to keep it cool. But I am way less angry than I was a couple of years ago.

[carolmunson]

let's talk about it.

hi everyone, i wanted to take a minute to talk about the last few days and also issue a public apology to evie, since i think its time i did. but in order to do that, i have to take you back to early/mid february when the main catalyst of things happened.

back then i received quite a few anonymous messages that a user was copying and ripping my work. whether it was all the same person or different people, i'll never know. but i didn't post those messages and eventually decided to investigate as it wasn't the first time i'd been reached out to about it and squashed stuff with this user about it beforehand. when i investigated, i saw some similarities and ran with it in anger instead of reaching out to this user. while i didn't post about it on tumblr or message anyone through tumblr about it i did vent to a tumblr friend via text, blue, about how mad i was.

and i was fucking mean in these texts, like really vile. i called them names, i dogged on their writing (which i hadn't even really read, just skimmed so it was unfounded and mean just to be mean), and was all around pissed. i was truly not nice. and i'll own that. i said a lot of stuff i didn't mean, and definitely don't think is true four months later. i was super heated when i wrote them because i assumed the messages i got were true and went looking for the supposed 'copied' work. i was going through a lot in my personal life at the time that was out of my control and i think just needed something trivial to be mad at and ran with this. but i also was texting a friend in confidence because i wouldn't want to bring that stuff to tumblr and ruin anyone's experience. it's like writing an angry letter just to burn it. i'm not someone who likes drama, so i vented to a friend in anger.

my friend did reach out to this user, evie, via DM with these accusations, which were made public. as i said before, i don't like drama and i don't like conflict, so i didn't say anything about it on my blog. i did tell my friend that it was okay and i wasn't mad at them, but they also knew i didn't appreciate that they did that and they were very remorseful to me about it after. i did not ask my friend to reach out to evie, they too were heated after i vented and as my friend at the time felt like they needed to defend me. i did not ask anyone to send anonymous hate to evie, i did not speak about them negatively on my blog or to others anonymous or publicly. i don't want anyone to have a bad time here, so i was angry in private.

evie and i spoke that night and they told me they were hurt and didn't copy my work and i told her i believed her. i did see some similarities but didn't have the energy to go in and compile them all and at the end of the day, so many of us write similar AUs that there's bound to be some crossover there. i was obviously in my feelings and hurt and so were they. we ended our conversation and blocked each other and i sort of stayed offline for a bit until things cooled down because again, i don't like drama or conflict and didn't want to be around it. my friend at the time did recieve some truly vile hate in response to this which i did find unfounded and deeply cruel. this is internet drama, not a means for death threats and being told to kill yourself. evie also did not condone this either and publicly stated that on their blog.

after we blocked each other, the only time i saw their stuff was when other people i followed reblogged it and that was that. i didn't check it, i didn't read it. i moved on from the situation. i had received a few anons about it here and there but ignored them because again, i'm not bringing that to my blog. people wanted to pick sides and like evie said before, i don't think there were 'sides' to be picked. i'm not keeping score and neither was evie. i didn't hear about anything for a couple months, i was just on here writing my stories and moving apartments. and going through some pretty huge life changes all around.

a few days ago i started receiving messages after blue deactivated and then evie did soon after. blue and i were not friends anymore and hadn't interacted for a while, but again, it was not something that i felt was necessary to address on my blog. i got a handful of messages saying i had bullied people off the platform, which was news to me because i hadn't interacted with either of these people for some time. i didn't even know either of them had deactivated until i was messaged about how i apparantly went out of my way to bully people offline at my big age. i stayed offline for a couple days because i was working on a project and then running a lot of errands but was communicating with friends who were seeing a bunch of stuff go down with a drama blog. i came across a lot of posts that were clearly about me and my friends talk about how we're mean girls who think we run tumblr. (i can assure you i don't think that). and that i'm a big blog bullying small blogs. and while i'm not a numbers girlie, i will let you all know -- i have less than 3,000 followers and even then, i'm sure at least a third of them are bots from the first bot-a-geddon in the fall. i've had this blog since october.

then there was this drama hate blog? (literally WHAT?!) that a message of mine had been leaked from a discord i was a part of where i addressed a few accusations of me being a bully and sending anon hate and to this day, i can confidently say, i have never sent an anonymous hate message in my life. i have sent texts to my friend that were mean about another user to get the anger off my chest, but i would never go out of my way to send a mean message to someone. it doesn't make anything better. myself and another friend of mine accused of being bullies and mean girls were infact the first to squash some major dogpiling we had seen on a user because we knew it wasn't right or fair. then there were these fake messages that were made, and i can confirm are fake and so did evie. that's where things really started to get to me because like, why are we doing this? all of this drama was back in february.

evie publically apologized to me and we spoke about the situation. they were also sent the texts i sent to blue, which i asked her not to share because they are my personal text messages from my IRL phone and also don't feel they truly represent my character or blue's or how i feel about evie months later or in general. but to reiterate, they're fucking mean, and i'm embarrassed about them and the things that i said because they weren't okay. but again, it was me venting privately to a friend and not posting it for everyone to see because i would never want to start shit online with someone i don't know. or actively hurt anyone for any reason, it's just not the kind of person i aim to be.

so i would like to take this time to apologize to evie for literally all of this. for the texts, for the dms you got from my friend at the time that i didn't publically address or publically condemn. for the drama in general. i apologize deeply for the things that i said to my friend back in february and i apologize now for things getting so out of hand that you felt you had to deactivate your blog where you had so much fun. i'm glad you're compiling all your old work and putting it back up because so many people love you and your blog and the AUs you write and talking to you about them, and that's what tumblr should be! and i apologize to both you and blue for not speaking up for either of you when you were both receiving a barrage of hate where which i was the catalyst of the argument. i don't think either of you are bad people, i think this was a situation that got way out of hand and was fueled by a lot of people anonymous or not, who like drama and arguments.

in conclusion, i think tumblr should be fun. i think writing fan fiction should be fun. we are all literally writing porn about the same fictional man/men and giggling and kicking our feet about it. that's all it needs to be. this is my first forray into 'fandom' and i didn't realize how, idk, cut throat it could be or how much people enjoy watching others not get along. but i'll be honest, i don't really like the person it's turned me into online, and i discussed this back in march when i took a break. this constant seeking for validation and notes, the need to feel like you always need to be producing content, it's draining -- and then there's stuff like this where you get messages from faceless people trying to convince you that others are trying to steal from you and take you down, that they hate you and your work, that just shit on you just to shit on you, and it's yucky. it's gross. i don't like it. i don't like the anxiety it gives me. it's taken a lot of fun out of writing for me altogether.

i am not sure how much longer i plan to be on here, but i will be in the process to moving my stuff to ao3 in the event i choose to leave. i like writing and i like tumblr, i really do. but if being a huge fucking bitch via text and making people feel bad is the kind of person it's making me become, then i don't know if i totally want to be a part of it. again, i'd like to apologize to evie and to anyone else who has been effected by this. and if anyone feels the need to send hate messages to my friends or to evie, or speak badly of my friends or evie or blue on my behalf or even in general -- do me a favor and fucking don't. i hope you all have a great rest of your day.

[anonil88]

Under the bridge (hulu) finale liveblog/reaction

- Jo is an asshole and Kelly is just stupidly vile as hell.

- I will say these young actors are all good as hell and have acted their be hinds off.

- I couldn't be in a gang cause I would roll my eyes so fast and just leave before one speech.

- Oooo "Mercy Alone" is a cold ass title. Pop off writers.

- He really became like a little brother and she is wrestling with getting wrapped up in the momentum kind of like Warren did.

- Thank god this house is getting shut down even though I'm sure they did goor and I appreciate that we finally see Cam in this house. We never saw her as a teen in the house and only an outsider looking in. But, now she's in it.

- Sigh they shouldn't have lied about that.

- Fuck you Kelly.

- Lmfao she said "ain't you a cop?" but this isn't just cam the cop this is cam the former 7 oaks girl. Kelly set them all up the minute they got to that police station knowing none of those girls had options or legal resources except for her. She was an awful friend if they can even call her that and did an evil action. What amug ass, fuck.

- Good job Cam, her relationship or not, its not yours to manipulate the hell. That's her symbiotic relationship.

- Well he ain't wrong Becca, you involved yourself the minute you walked into seven oaks.

- The more realistic non hear say versions of the fight is horrible. Teenagers are led by their short impulses and peer pressure. Easier to say "I don't know" than no, and thats not an age thing that I'd a human thing.

- Again these young actors are fan fucking tastic. I hope and wish them all to get many roles post this show. So nice to see budding quality talent.

- It's just a case to her dad but to his daughter it's her life. It could have been her if it was 30 years before. He sees what he wants to see but not the reality outside of his own. You're her dad but this is something she will now wrestle with her entire life and could've been prevented. There's other ways like as soon as she's in your care tell her about where she came from and ask if she'd like to establish a relationship or connection with her family and community. Delayed her sense of self, for what?

- Grief has finally hit her mom, Suman, whereas it hit dad the minute his daughter was missing. The minute the cops showed up he knew it in his gut. I hope the real Virks have gotten so much healing and peace in their life since then. The grief will never leave any of them and it is likely embedded into every moment, but I hope they have found some peace.

- The right person. Whew great direction here 👏🏾.

- A little kindness goes a long way and can change your entire life. I say it often but a lot of crimes no matter the age of the assailant are made by very angry children. Some are trying to inflict the same pain onto others or release their own. Others well others just are too angry to do anything outside of anger.

- Insanity plea? No, she's just got no kindness in her heart.

- What a sweet baby, sigh he doesn't really understand why they're all dressing up.

- Cam looks great out of a uniform.

- 5 years, in actuality she got way more later, and he who feels remorse for what he did got life. I'm talking about the initial rulings, not what occurred after of people gettibg more time or getting paroled. Kelly here only feels upset that she was caught.

- Sit with a bunch of fuck ass dickheads. No. Ayyyy cam out of uniform !!! We love to see it!

- I love that they end on a cordial note and found the beauty. The beauty of giving yourself mercy and trying to forge a new path.

- Becca's shoes and jeans look like a little kids. He really did just slip 😢.

- Jo and Kelly. Nah Nicole and Kelly, them real hoes are birds of a feather. I hope someone calls them cunts to their faces at least once a month. From prison cell to 9-5 them two are nasty pieces of work. Took Kelly another infraction and two kids to go huh okay let me finally admit my guilt now. Now that my fate is sealed.

- Ooo that end got me, i aint cry but ooo i teared up as soon as the cd skipped. R.i.p Reena Virk, i wish you had better friends. Real friends.

Final thoughts:

- Fantastic end to this show and phenomenal acting from everyone involved. Not just this episode but the entire season the acting has been metered so well even if i missed it at first. The soundtrack and editing in every episode has been so good. Timing of certain tracks and score was really effective in swallowing the viewer these last 3/4 episodes. Absolutely fantastic finale.

[llycaons]

ep27 (1/3) : it's not that jgs is a master manipulator, it's all these people are just so easy to manipulate

honestly these in-between episodes are not my favorite, but what can ya do <- written before I watched the episode and I completely did a 180. I LOVE eps where all they do is talk. get that juicy drama and characterization out there into the world. BUT FIRST

ICONIC ROMANTIC LINE FROM THE WORLD"S GOTHEST MAN

SINGLE TEAR OF REGRET AND LONGING

DRAMATICALLY STANDING IN THE RAIN FOR WHEN A REALLY RESERVED GUY JUST NEEDS TO BE INSANE FOR A BIT

this line makes me insaannee it gives him nightmares postres stil 'I'm friends with it' ITS HURTING YOU

oh shit lqr hasn't left CR in that long?

jc does try to stand up and apologize for, then defend wwx's actions.

and so does lxc! a tiny bit of respect for him once more

nie mingjue fans I hope you know your guy advocates openly for war crimes. not living him this rewatch. in fact I find his reputation for justice pretty galling at this point

i never cared about this before but that's sect leader ouyang. whose son will become one of wen yuan's best friends, who will defend him and care for him and fight by his side, who will advocate for wen ning and choose to stay with wwx instead of returning to his own father. this sect leader calls for the murders of wen yuan and his entire family, and 20 years later his son is one of that boy's best friends. might be getting emotional over ouyang zizhen for the first time...ever? it's the close read. I didn't dislike him, it's just the juniors are all best as symbols. only jin ling is much more than that

...really does make me wish the blood pool scene was in this show. fuck, what a moment. watch the donghua if only for that

oh, dastardly. he pretends to not care and play the forgiving patriarch and people naturally jump in to defend him and vilify wwx anyway. he pretends to care about jc as a sect leader but he really plants doubt and feeds off insecurities to push jc in the right direction. he was how jc grew up, he knows him. jc isn't that hard to manipulate, unfortunately. but this is vile

and now he's blatantly lying about things wwx said, and people are agreeing with him because they're eager to hop onto a scapegoat and they want to be one with the group, and jc is clearly believing it bc he doesn't trust wwx again and maybe never did, and lwj is the only one to go um? no?

yeah we know they're buds but this is one of the few times a stranger has recognized their closeness, and the fact that everyone knows about it. very different from the novel obviously, where tales of lwj hating and pursuing wwx were legendary and fed a lot into the miscommunication

uh oh. that means his actions are under suspicion too. not much lwj can say here without being undermined

ik I said earlier that wyb is too reserved sometimes? this isn't one of them. he's so angry here he looks about to cry, or throw up, or something. it's in the throat, and the mouth mostly. really good expression here

OH I SAW THIS TRANSLATION AGES AGO. LMAO

MIANMIAN YOU GO GIRL!!! xizun is so offended to have someone disagree with him. someone from his own sect! who should be parroting his words!

GIRL. ITS A LOST CAUSE BUT I LOVE YOU FOR TRYING

[welcometocapitalism]

im worried that my previous ask is way too aggressive and might make you feel defensive and thats not helpful at all so i just want to explain that im so angry because it breaks my heart to see other people being violently harassed into submission just for saying something that isnt a popular opinion. you are quite literally being gaslit by a bunch of strangers who desperately dont want to have to think that hard about the material consequences of their own behaviors.

they are simplifying the issue in order to make you look unreasonable so that they can completely dismiss your opinion while giving you no way to defend yourself without making yourself look worse. its manipulative and coercive and vile. they have tricked you into condemning your own behavior and reinforcing that self doubt that THEY planted in you in the first place.

they are convincing you that you have to police yourself otherwise they will do it for you and they arent going to be nice about it.

they intentionally misunderstood what you were saying so that they could ignore the point you were making and thus avoid taking responsibility for their personal role in our capitalist society.

they are operating on this us vs them mindset of "good people" vs "bad people" and they think that they are a "good person" and that you are trying to maliciously assert that theyre actually a "bad person." its fascist behavior. they dont want to acknowledge their place in the web of life because then they have to be more careful about how they act and they simply do not want to. they think its their god given right to not have to do anything thats difficult and reflecting on how you are influenced by the oppressive systems you live in is not just difficult but uncomfortable!

you are forcing people to confront some very very uncomfortable truths about themselves and they are reacting the only way they know how: by lashing out at the people around them.

it is a reflection on THEM not YOU. their reaction doesnt say anything about you or the opinion you stated and everything about the experiences and expectations and knowledge that inform the way they think about the world around them.

i just dont feel comfortable standing by and watching this happen to someone else. so i dont know what it means to you but, i completely agree with your original point and i am more than happy to defend it if you dont feel comfortable doing so. i know how scary it can be to face down a mob of people who you know might turn to violence if you dont comply and i know most people dont find it as easy to take harassment as i do. i am more than willing to fight the fight if you cant.

idk just. be kinder to yourself. you cant let these people get to you. i knows it so fucking hard. its so so fucking hard. but you dont have to do it alone.

i hope youre okay.

hey fren, I've seen it all but I'm sorry I'm not gonna respond to all that, I'm very thankful for your kind thoughts and words but it's kinda a bit much 😅

just know we're on the very same track about the whole thing. It's absolutely hilarious what some people wrote to me about an already reworded opinion on pillows, and i can genuinely just laugh about that

this entire thread turned so badly into satire with so many layers that it could almost be considered an artistic expression. after all, this is the internet, which was kinda the original ordeal of the post, and I took it and made it 1000% funnier by writing too quickly and then people came and made it 10000% funnier by becoming embarrassingly entrenched in some random ass online discourse

I like to half jokingly call this kind of behavior 'internet sickness', since as you also noted you can find this kind of behavior all over the internet. people see an entire universe full of people that seemingly get the attention they don't, but humans are fueled with attention, so sometimes you see someone do literally anything for that tiny tad of attention, even if they don't mean it. this may sound familiar from the way I word my posts sometimes, because as I made clear as day, I'm not better than that sometimes.

Admittedly, I also suppose not all of the angry asks and comments would have been so hostile if tumblr would show late reposts with their comments on an original post more clearly, which isn't so easy. This is why I pinned yet another polarizing post about it with a comment about the situation 🤭 some people would rather click to start another shitstorm than click to find out there's no reason for them to freak out. But often in the internet people don't freak out of hostility, but because they realize (but refuse to accept) they identify with something about the cause in some way, so that would be a positive thing I suppose. It's up to each of us individually to grow from that.

i don't get hard feelings about these people, and genuinely as a former Twitter user I'm kinda used to it. it's just an annoyance at some point, but I suppose it's also the attention I was looking for 💁

After all, I get to post this lyrical masterpiece once more in a well fitting context

[uselessheretic]

god also gotta love MMC connecting a post that doesnt even mention izzy to feeling the need to yell at me about izzy because for some reason literally everything revolves around him and i dont get it. like if im ever out here on tumblr getting hyper aggro with people over a fictional character and hopping on every post i can to cuss people out over when i could be playing with my grandkids or some shit literally take me out back and shoot me. like what a disproportionately bitter and vile bitch only capable of saying the same three things over again and then blocking people when it doesnt go her way. all while making it out to be the most serious of street fights or some shit like every other tumblr nerd with a superiority complex about being a tumblr veteran as if "you cant handle the streets of tumblr go back to twitter" is the most hardcore gangster shit she can say to the applause of white 20 yos and geeky poc who got bullied for talking too white at school and decide to project that onto the one website so startling caucasian that they eat it up. fucking stupid ass entire crew of "i learned sjw 101 through tumblr and twitter qrt's and now im going to poorly regurgitate any half remembered talking point i can think of because my fic may be bland, my art may be mid, and my personality untenable but thank fuck i can produce madlibbed discourse that falls apart if you blow too hard and substitute being an interesting person for that instead." like i feel like i'm going insane because i literally avoid talking to or about MMC because some primal part in the back of my brain keeps sounding off with "there's no need to yell at an older black woman esp in front of white kids just leave her be" like she's the bitchy neighbor complaining to my dad about how his kids are playing too loud in the backyard and you just have to remind yourself that some people prefer to stay miserable like their lives depend on it. angry at some white male character and apparently incapable of interacting with fandom unless its to complain when everybody else just wants to eat their food and have a good time. cant even discuss any aspect of race or antiracism in fandom without linking it back to izzy as if shes paying his bills or something. like what do you contribute other than annoying everybody else in fandom? are you capable of even holding a conversation with a fandom "friend" for more than 24 hours without circling back to shit talking characters? are you having fun? is this a good time for you? have you tried taking a walk or petting a dog recently instead of this?

[boobiespasta]

instead of rambling on twitter in its cramped, claustrophobic threads format i've chosen. just the one time. to ramble here. some of the stuff that's been bouncing around in my head for the past 2 weeks. it's weird being so hyperfixated on life instead of media for a change, which really isn't as sexy and awesome as i think it's cracked up to be because instead of rambling about silly creatures from a fictional universe all i do now is just. ramble about life. the times. and i'm just gloomy about it all the time. extremely long winded ramble about politics under the cut

i absolutely refuse to shut up about palestine for one. a palestinian alumni/fellow of my school, his family, his children, all one of the absolutely fucking unforgivable amount of refugees in the jabalia camp who were killed. obviously he is so, so far from the only life to have been taken in the atrocities, but my fucking school's newspaper has been fucking things up spectacularly when it comes to "coverage" and my school in general just. i get so fucking angry. our alumns are dying and yet my school chooses in its official statements to mostly address israel and the alleged peril our jewish student population... when i've been following on ig every palestinian student org for my school i can find and they've been begging for some publicity or support from the school it's just so fucking vile. it makes me so upset that i got lazy and literally was too busy gaming the day of transfer apps and now i'm stuck at this fucking... state uni, possibly rotting here for my undergrad. at the same time god forbid i follow in my father's ivy league footsteps and shoot for ivy league because fucking COLOMBIA and UPENN are being TARGETTED by the FUCKING c2n@ry or5aniz@ti0n which. i literally cannot fucking express how fucking angry the fact that that exists at all makes me. the future of our generation's activism is cast deep in the shadow of our incompetent fucking predecessors. god forbid we get younger voices in power! god forbid we protest to make a difference, lest we get actual targets put on our heads! and i've listened to the contrary as much as i loathed to, because that's what makes a productive opinion. synthesis. and i have never felt less compelled by a counter stance before. every day videos of parents holding the dismembered limbs of their children, israelis making a tiktok trend out of kidnapping and or mocking palestinians, the sitting head of the UN in new york releasing a letter of resignation because of the anguish he feels watching an organization dedicated to peace fail so miserably at its job... all of it should radicalize everyone. people should be making calls to their representatives, keeping discussions frequent. making sure everyone around you knows that antizionism does NOT equal antisemitism. i will not argue to the contrary; i grew up conservative and with a devil's advocate personality, and i think anyone even considering a neutral stance should genuinely be ashamed of themselves.

in other only slightly less depressing news, taking a class on korean diaspora has made me go through so many different identity shifts in the past few weeks and i feel like it's just made me gloomier. i'm taking an upper classman seminar class about korean diasporic activism through performing arts which was so hilariously specific that i laughed when i realized it was my only option (i tested out of every other korean level) and i was like well i'm korean diaspora this should be so easy but it's genuinely the most challenging class i've ever taken. every week lately i've just cried and cried reading the texts we're assigned to read because i've never felt so seen and so doomed before. i did a presentation on a WONDERFUL text excerpt by professor emerita at uc berkeley elaine h. kim that spoke to all of the racism i endured growing up, the first generation child that "rises above" their immigrant parents and finds success in the model minority mold by exploiting, exoticizing, fetishizing their own identity... i learned in the past few weeks (so genuinely very recently) that, despite my appearance, i'll never be a true korean; a native korean will never understand the extent of the discrimination i faced. being afraid to eat ethnic food in front of peers fear of it being called smelly or stolen altogether, getting slotted into the japanese/chinese binary categories before the rise of kpop, why i get so excited to see ethnic korean faces and food, my struggle to take my diverse interests and fit them into a cookie cutter mold to one of the most violently homogenous societies on earth, why any korean child in america like me would ever want to be white if that meant we wouldn't stick out. nor am i a true american; this being more self explanatory, of course. what does that make me? an imbricate mongrel of the two identities? i learned, in fact, that i am korean-american: something almost entirely independent of both nationalities. i learned that korean-americans have a rich history of finding ourselves in places we don't belong and making establishing loud communities to fight for our own rights. immigrating to hawai'i in the early 1900's, establishing committees and supporting our motherland who ultimately turned around and spat in our faces. our new place was almost just as unwelcoming; and after weaseling our way into black communities without first addressing racism, koreans found ourselves at the apex of black and brown anger across america during the la riots (to be korean-american is to be born with the blood of latasha harlins on your hands). we were desperate to distance ourselves from the japanese, triply in a bout of patriotic self-perceived superiority, rise beyond a race of people who tried to ethnically cleanse us, and in an attempt to prove we were "one of the good ones," but we were still placed in japanese internment camps. we're still expected to prostrate ourselves at the feet of every wrinkly us vet with a korean war badge on their hat. "we saved your gook asses."

but to be asian-american at all is also to be doomed to a life of never rising beyond the model minority ceiling. the model minority "model" as it were promises a life of permanent mediocrity in exchange for some semblance of security (and even then we're a dime a dozen; all competing against each other and evolving like bacteria, we cannibalize ourselves anyway and suddenly our employers' jobs have gotten that much easier). those who try to rise beyond the model and prove themselves to society more often than not, not deemed exemplary, but instead seen as having fulfilled their life cycle or reached their point of maturity in the "life of the species" (chay yew); they're in turn locked into to a life of monotony as they've "found their niche" as analyst hyeon youngbin puts it... "everything one achieves after entering the system is attributed not to the individual’s ability but to the efficacy of model minority status; the more you achieve, the more you justify the model minority." asian-americans in particular will always, no matter what they do, perpetuate the model minority in our attempts to achieve our "ideal labour" (youngbin); those who defy it suffer for it and are seen as asians who failed or weren't smart enough, those who fit comfortably into it perpetuate its abuse and are oftentimes miserable (as one tends to be living a life in servitude of/being a poster child of capitalism despite rarely being rewarded for it), and those who try to challenge and overcome it simply come to realize that the ceiling is both low and infinite, and that they, if anything, are inadvertently the most aggressive contributors to model minority-isms.

anyway. ive been really bothered and gloomier than usual because of this shit. its nice to be able to type it all out without the breaks in concentration between thread tweets