#its my trauma and i get to pass it on to fictional characters of my choosing in an attempt to cope and process it!

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

save them tbh

[vryfmi]

silent boy theory

bringing this theory back because ive been rotating it nonstop

[mild book spoilers!]

skull is characterised by his voice and snarky comments that Lucy has to put up with during their conversations, as well as the whispering tone which is heavily emphasised throughout the series. so when Dulac references to Bickerstaff's servant boy (aka skull) as "that silent Boy" in her confessions it really clashes with skull's personality as we know it.

TL;DR: my theory is that skull was mute or on a verge of losing his voice due to sickness, caused by working conditions and Bickerstaff's abandonment. thus, his ghost can't recall his healthy voice and can only whisper.

[id from alt text: a photo of the passage from the book with line "that silent Boy" being emphasised by image's dimensions./end id]

firstly, it's the whispering skull. not quietly talking skull, not its-voice-sounds-far-away skull. whispering.

‘Because you sure as hell look it.’ It was the lowest, throatiest of whispers; alien, but familiar. I’d heard it once before. (TWS) The hoarse whisper came from somewhere close behind my ear. ‘I say stab them first, ask questions later! That’s your only sensible option.’ (THB)

argument could be made, that silver-glass muffles the voice and it becomes quieter. but here's a thing - whisper is a voice alteration, not a sound quality. when whispering, vocal cords don't vibrate, and produced speech has a different phonation. so whisper and quiet speech are technically two different things.

secondly, skull's work field and conditions. as a young servant, skull was able to see visitors and ward them off Bickerstaff and his master's friends, while they were robbing graves for potential sources. ghosts radiate cold, temperature can drop down to 5 degrees centigrade, that much we know from books, that's why agents are wearing jackets and gloves during ghost hunting cases. and skull's ghost was described as wearing only a shirt and ill fitting trousers, while also being barefooted.

It was the first time I’d ever really looked at him, at the spirit that he truly was. He wore a white shirt and gray trousers that were slightly too short for his bony legs. His feet were bare. He’d still been young when he died. (TEG)

with Bickerstaff's obsession and apparent blindness to anything else that wasn't his device, it's safe to say that he would neglect skull's needs and didn't bother to get his servant any proper clothes, not to mention shoes, which at the time were expensive, since children constantly need shoes as they grow up, and it wasn't uncommon for children from lower class to not have shoes at all and walk barefooted.

that said, my theory is that skull came down with sickness while grave robbing, and Bickerstaff ignored it (mainly because he was a psych doctor, not a medical one), skull's condition worsened and turned into laryngitis. without treatment, his vocal cords got damaged, resulting in loss of voice.

[now, im in no way educated to diagnose a fictional character and there can be mistakes in my logic (like how skull could have lost his voice prior to Bickerstaff), but i went down a rabbit hole and need to share this.]

there's a condition that fits the description of person losing their voice or only be able to talk in whisper, it's called aphonia. there are multiple common causations for this condition, namely psychological, but organic aphonia is caused by damage on vocal cords or throat, that could have happened due to disease or physical trauma. (source)

it's also worth pointing out that any voice disorders in children and teenagers affects the way they socialise and behave. gestures and facial expressions become alternative to communication when voice is too weak for speech or it is painful to talk.

Someone had knocked the cloth off the ghost-jar, and the face had re-materialized. It pulled extravagant expressions of horror and disgust whenever I passed by. (TWS)

‘You know the rules: minimal manifestations, no rude faces, and absolutely no talking.’ The ghost looked wounded. ‘I wasn’t talking, was I? Do you call this talking? Or this?’ It pulled a rapid series of grotesque expressions, each one worse than the last. (THB)

and finally, Lucy. she almost undeniably plays a role of interpretor that passes down what skull says, since others have no way of communicating with him or, more specifically, no way of hearing him. it all does seem to fit perfectly together (at least to me) so i can't stop wondering of how intentional any of that was on Stroud's behalf. then yet again, Stroud did say that that he had a draft for skull's backstory but scraped it in favour of keeping his character as mysterious as possible. some elements could've stayed in the final version of the books, who knows.

[chronic-escapixt]

His Rose ~ Part 4

(Kai Parker x Bennett OC fanfiction)

content warnings/tags ~ Dark fiction, murder, abuse, trauma, dubcon, CNC, smut, daddy kink, dom!kai, p in v, degradation, humiliation, rough sex, age gap, unhealthy!dom/sub dynamics, dacryphilia, fingering, biting, choking, innocence kink, hair pulling, edging, overstimulation, safe word, aftercare, manipulation. Minors DNI

I don't claim ownership of The Vampire Diaries or its characters. All credits go to the rightful owner(s). I only own my original character(s).

Word count: 1.7k

K.P. Masterlist

Their hips rolled together, breathy moans and vocal praises tickling her ear as her nails scraped down his back. Kai would work her over for hours with unyielding stamina until the ecstasy of their cumulative passions mellowed her into post-sex bliss and utter exhaustion. She’d snore softly after drifting off to the sound of his heartbeat while he’d stay up and watch her breathing slow and her body snuggle into his chest for warmth. Completely vulnerable, too easy to wrap his arm around her little neck and squeeze the life out of her but Kai resisted those intrusive thoughts only because for his plans, he needed her alive.

He had her trust by playing the “nice guy”. Sure, it was boringly cliché and there was only so much that vanilla sex would do to satisfy his darker urges but he’d be whatever she wanted if it got him out of this hell hole by the next eclipse.

Rose lost track of where she ended and Kai began, his possessive hands always on her body. Following her around like a lost puppy before pulling her close and resting his head on her shoulder, his unspoken way of telling her to hurry up so they could get back to spooning. If they were in the car, he drove with his left hand while his right slipped under the hem of her skirt, fingertips tapping rhythmically on her inner thigh until it drove her crazy. And he loved to grab her ass, enjoying the adorable squeals that escaped her when she was caught off guard.

All alone in the bathroom, she reclined back in the tub, steamy suds soothing every aching muscle he gave her. She felt naked without him on her body, yet cherished the short periods of privacy she could carve out for herself.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“Yes, Kai…” She rolled her eyes but couldn’t get too annoyed. He usually came knocking after 20 minutes but this time, at least half an hour passed before his impatience got the best of him.

“Rosyyy… are you almost done? You’ve been in there foreverrr…” he whined through the door.

“I’ll be out soon,” she sighed, sinking deeper into the water.

He groaned dramatically, hesitating before retreating to her room to wait. Plopping down on the bed, he immediately took notice of a dark leatherbound book peeking out from under her pillow. Did she have a secret grimoire, perhaps she was planning to cross him after all and wasn’t as clueless as she seemed? He flipped through the pages, but there weren’t any Latin incantations, just dates and little entries.

He read the first line that caught his eye:

The first time he fucked me, I knew he was holding back, so afraid he’d break me but I was too afraid to let him know I loved the pain.

“No fucking way...” This was too good to be true, just to be sure, he flipped to the end where he found her frilly signature. With confirmation, he eagerly read another passage.

I want him to ruin me. Split me on his cock until I cry and push him away then choke me and fuck into me harder, push my face down and suffocate my sobs in my pillow. I wanna be reminded exactly who I belong to.

Her confessions became more depraved with visceral descriptions of her needs, filthy fantasies contrasting with the adorable way she curled her letters and dotted her I’s with little hearts. He was so focused that he didn’t notice her come in.

“Hey, give me that!” He got up and blocked her attempts to reach her journal with one hand while he read on. “Kai, stop it. You’re invading my privacy!” She bleated. his eyes flashed to her with a stifled laugh.

“Relax, Rosy… you’re the one who left your diary open on the bed. I just came in here to wait for you and I almost sat on it. When I looked down, let’s just say some of the things you wrote were… enlightening.”

Shame broiled her face and tightened her throat but maybe she could lie her way out of this, “I-It’s not mine… I found it…” She squeaked. His brow raised, clearly not buying it. An exasperated sigh left her. "Just give it back, Kai… I need to get dressed because I have laundry to do and I have to start the marinade for the-"

He snapped the book shut, reached out and squished her hot cheeks in his hold, wrenching her face upwards to meet his burning gaze. “Look at me.” Instantly she obeyed, the sudden base in his voice sending a pulse directly to her needy cunt. “Guess what? I know all your little secrets, and you're not going anywhere until you tell me everything. Every kink, every need, I wanna hear it all from your pretty lips.”

In one motion, he released her, ripping the towel from her dripping body, her back hitting the mattress with little effort. His hand snaked up her thigh, fingers meeting her clit, drawing little moans as he rubbed out slow figure 8s.

“I-I didn’t-”

“Don’t deny it.” Two fingers slipped inside her while his eyes returned to the page, flipping through until he found what he was looking for. “... It says here, you want me to ruin you. What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t k-”

Kai grunted and bit down on her earlobe, hard enough to shock her and elicite a ragged whimper from the back of her throat. He released it and growled, “If you lie to me one more time, I’ll flip you over and make your pretty ass all red..” He loved the way that made her quiver, “But you’d like that wouldn’t you?” His warm minty breath fanned across her cheek.

She bit her lip and looked away, so he pinched her clit until she cried out her response, “YES, I’D LIKE THAT!”

“Mm, that’s my kinky girl. Now answer the first question."

“… I-I want you to be rough w-with me,” she stuttered in a small voice.

“Tell me how..”

Rose swallowed down her last bit of pride. “I- I want.. want you to use me… push me to my knees and f-fuck my throat… bend me over and rail me so hard I can’t think straight… want you to pull my hair and bite my shoulder when you.. cum inside m-me...” She continued until he gave a satisfied hum.

“Good girl, see how easy that was?” He cooed, moving to release her hair from its loose bun, allowing the caramel tendrils to messily fall around her face. The sudden tenderness made her dizzy.

He pumped in and out while rolling her clit between his fingers, drawing out one confession after another until her lips parted, eyes blown wide as he dangled her between pleasure and desperation, so tempted to grind her hips and take it, ride his hand to her heart’s content, yet too afraid of the punishment he’d inflict on her if she dared. Arousal soaked the sheets beneath her thighs, he had her right where he wanted her.

“There’s one more thing, isn’t there?” His lips formed a cocky smirk.

“huh���?” She uttered, too overwhelmed to understand.

“C'mon, you know what you want... to be overpowered, held down and punished when you try to struggle… I’d make you take it all at once and you couldn’t do anything to stop me,” he summarized smugly, licking his lips.

“Oh god, you read that part too..” The embarrassment made her want to recoil and disappear in the mattress, her hands raised to cover her face.

He yanked her wrists down. “No, none of that, no hiding. I honestly find it impressive you managed to convince me you’re a vanilla angel when you’re really just a perverted slut.”

Her jaw slackened, the shock of his degradating words biting into her. “Kai-”

“Nuh-uh, that’s not my name. What’s my name, Rosy?” Her melted brain buffered as he took to scissoring her walls apart, preparing her. “What’s my name, hmm?.. the name you wrote on every page…”

Just as she realized, he sped up. “..daADDY!” She yelped as her belly tightened violently.

He removed his digits when she clenched down, chuckling at her little whines and whimpers, cruelly denying her another orgasm.

“Damn right I’m your daddy… but if you insist on being treated like a brainless fucktoy, we should have a.. what do you call it?”

“… a s-safe word?” she uttered.

“Exactly that! How about… ‘eclipse’ ? If you want to stop for whatever reason, just say it and that's your way out, understood?”

She nodded her head slowly but he frowned, not satisfied with her lack of response.

He lifted her chin. “Use your words, princess.”

“Yes daddy,” she mewled sweetly, making his hard cock swell in his shorts.

“Now that we have that sorted out,” he stuffed his slick covered fingers down her throat, stroking her tongue as she keened at the flavor, “I should let you know I’ve been keeping my own secrets, but you wouldn’t have any idea because I’m not a silly girl who writes them down for anyone to read. I know you hide this part of yourself because you're afraid people will judge you but I don’t. I want to know everything so I can do all those things to you and more that you couldn’t even think up in your dirty little diary...”

He had her flipped on her stomach and raised her hips, her only warning the rattle of his belt before he slammed into her sensitive core, burying himself to the hilt in one stroke. It hurt so good the pain tore a ragged cry from her throat as her tiny cunt struggled to take all of him but he didn’t have to pretend he cared anymore because he knew she loved it, evident by the way she leaked down his balls while holding onto the quilted comforter for dear life.

He yanked her up by the base of her hair. “Isn’t this what you wanted, babe?” He husked. Her response, an indiscernible whine. His tongue darted out to taste the tears that already streaked her pretty face. “Aw baby, did I ruin you already? What a shame, I’m just getting started.”

Holding her by the back of the neck granted him more leverage to pull her into each thrust reaching deeper, pounding her gummy cervix. "Fuckkk.." he groaned.

“Daddy, please,” she sobbed out, walls writhing around him, the intensity rendering her with barely enough strength to reach back and splay her fingers across his lower abdomen, arms turned to jelly just before she could try to push at him.

"Stop that. You practically begged for this," he growled, snatching her wrists in one bruising grip while landing two harsh slaps to her right cheek in a show of dominance. She screamed.

Her juices squelched between their bodies but she was too far gone to feel ashamed. “I know you're close... just let go, cum on my cock, baby... just like that," he whispered, breath hitching as she came on command, her little back arching into him by pure instinct as her brain had long gone gooey. He got off on the control. Strong arms linked around her convulsing body as he fucked her through her release while warding off his own, wanting to prolong her torment a little longer.

He let her top half melt into the mattress, her face buried in the pillow while his powerful hands captured her pelvis, continuing the assault on her battered cunt. She pulled at the bedsheets with white knuckles.

“One more… I know you’ve got it in you.. just one more princess, c'mon, wanna’ feel you cum hard this time.” He groaned through clenched teeth, snapping his hips at just the right angle that had her keen with each thrust. Her cunt hugged him like a slippery glove made just for him. Sweat dripped down his brow and gravely moans escaped his lips as she tightened and creamed around him with a muffled cry.

Her glossy eyes fixated on the ceiling as she regulated her breathing, not blinking yet not at all focused. Kai carefully wiped her down with a damp rag. Her silence made him worry that he’d taken it too far. Hurt her. Scared her, so much she’d never let him touch her again- or at worst, refuse to help him leave. He was desperate to know what she was thinking or at the very least hear her voice to ease his mind.

“Hey Rosy..” he reached down and caressed her soft cheek, “Rosalina?” he whispered softly.

She nestled her face into his palm, the corners of her lips raising weakly as she breathed out.

“Thank you, daddy.”

[fudgecicles]

Part 1: A bit LTTP, but I have been mulling over chapter 14 of Arknights, and thoughts have crystallized. My first reactions to the story was pretty positive, as a lot of the emotional beats worked on me, but I did wonder whether it worked as a whole.

Now, the Victorian arc was very ambitious, at times overly so. I think it's safe to say there are a few dead ends and turn backs in the story as the writing group tried to figure out how to handle this behemoth of a premise. It's the writing group's attempt to create a fictional civil conflict with a foreign invasion, which if you have followed any real life conflicts like that, they are actually extremely complicated and confusing to follow. While I personally like the attempt, it is not going to endear a lot of people to the storyline, and the story does creak at its attempt at juggling the details of a billion different things. It is also not helped by the fact that I think chapter 9 and 10 were both pretty messy introductions to the conflicts for different reasons for me personally. Chapter 11-14 though, each tries to bring focus to the story by aiming for a specific theme, each ending bringing the end of certain storylines to simplify the situation. In addition, you have Firelight and Babel bringing in much needed context. So, with all that in mind, chapter 14: Absolved will be the Seekers, the end of the Victorian arc, had a grand assignment. It has to close all the remaining different stories in a satisfying manner, all following an overarching theme that will satisfy its own story, but also the wider six chapter arc. It has to cover the fallout from Babel and integrate the inevitable exposition dump on the truth of originium into the wider emotional truths of the arc and the series. It has to create a rational geopolitical result for the status quo change for the Sarkaz, the Exemplars, the dukes, Dublinn, and even in a minor way, Reunion even if chapter 13 for the most part concluded its story.

So for my part, they have managed to land the plane pretty well, with a few rough spots aside. The best handled storyline is the one on the Sarkaz side. It was a good idea for Wisadel to be the emotional anchor to the overall theme of generational trauma, fate, and inheritance. She is kind of the main character of the chapter, along with Amiya and Siege. Her moment to moment dialogue is pretty funny, and her dynamic with Mon3tr and Doctor are some of the most fun I had reading this chapter. Really though, she has great dramatic moments too. I got emotional to her finally processing her grief over Theresa, and her finally getting to properly talk with Theresa in the assimilated universe. I find her character arc is beautiful, she inherited a weapon of war and got her name via war, but now she is given a hopeful name and inherits Theresa's ideal. Maybe the intent is, some day, Kazdel can follow her story writ large.

On the Theresa side of the story, she takes ownership of the fates of the Sarkaz by exorcising the Myriad Souls, the literal manifestation of generational trauma via scifi mystery technology. I found the actual concept of the myriad souls terrifying actually, a reality where some data of you is forever reliving the same trauma, and then passing that on to your descendant. The fact that seeing the truth of the myriad souls pacifies the Revenant, who ironically, his entire life was spent living in a similar state and jealous of those who passed on, was low key but very effective in driving that home. Anyways, I think it's interesting that Theresa after death chose to be ruthlessly pragmatic, and backed Theresis in exchange for being able to do this. This makes her reunion with Rhodes Island both sweet and tragic. And god do they milk the drama for all it's worth, with my personal favorite moment being the moment Amiya reveals how she knew who betrayed Babel the whole time, and that she has been grappling her image of who the Doctor is. Anyways, the Rhodes Island side unpacks the legacy Theresa left behind, how they are carrying on with her legacy despite the previous bad end, and how they have to move beyond her. As an aside, I really love Logos in this. He is badass, idealistic, a goof, and takes his responsibilities very seriously. A representative of sorts of the new generation of Kazdelians raised with different ideals via Theresa's new educational system back then, and now having the means to fight for the new ideals.

Wisadel and Theresa's stories, along with all the other stories: of Shining, the anecdotes of the previous kings of Sarkaz, the Revenant, Ascalon, Hoderer, and all the personal stories of all the Sarkaz from all walks of life from this chapter and Babel paint a very complex and complete picture of the Sarkaz. I don't know if the Sarkaz were perfectly executed through the whole series, as I wasn't sure how a depicting a group of people without a safe homeland that have parallels to a lot of marginalized groups in real life, as monstrous would go over. Especially in chapter 10, which sort felt like an Arknights Halloween episode (it was released in October!). Currently, I do find them to be very diverse culturally and philosophically, and very nuanced in how they are depicted. Especially when you see in relation to how monstrous the other nations are in their conducts, which unfortunately, is way too real. Anyways, my one take is, it's best not to compare them to any specific groups in real life, but rather take the generalities of the concept of homelessness and how wider society view those people. (There is also an interesting parallel to how the Tarans, another marginalized group in Arknights, also use the spectre of death to achieve their liberation goals, but I don't have the brain space to unpack that)

[whitherwanderyouspirit]

I'm intentionally not tagging the fandom on this because I don't want to deal with drama, but I need to get this off my chest because it is eating me from the inside out watching this kind of behavior take over the Tumblr side of the fandom.

Cheese and fucking crackers the toxicity going on with these ToA character call out posts is getting absurd. Calling characters who aren't perfect or who are flawed "terrible" or "terribly written" is pedantic at best, and a concerning window into how people are interacting with media nowadays at worst.

You don't like the choices they made (or rather, the writers made while writing them) in canon? You don't like how fans interact with or write the characters? I get it...but inflammatory public call-out posts are a shitty way to initiate discourse about it.

Sometimes characters make decisions we disagree with. Sometimes they do things that trigger our own trauma. Sometimes, they're just morons making terrible or selfish life choices. Sometimes, people who are fans of media have a different interpretation of characters' behavior or story arc than you do, and its one that clashes with your own interpretations or even your own morals. People, real and fictional, are not perfect, by any definition of that word.

And that's a good thing! Reading about a bunch of perfect characters who never make mistakes or upset us would be incredibly boring. Interacting with a group of fans who think exactly like you would be a boring echo chamber. Diversity is a good thing!

But stars above you don't need to publicly flay them (or their fans) to acknowledge those flaws. None of us are here to prove we pass some "moral adequacy" test, where you're only a "good fan" if you can criticize your problematic fav to shreds. For fucks sake, we're here to decompress and enjoy ourselves.

If this is what the active Discord server is like, maybe I shouldn't join.

[storkmuffin]

muffin, hi hi!!! i love your essays relating to atz, is nice seeing someone else's perspective of their bonds, form of speaking, and overall personas 🫶��� feel like there isn't that many space for convos like this on twt or other places

and ive come to ask two things (and an observation related to what ive come to realize after reading your essays)

1. sorry if this is too forward, but how are neurodivergencies treated in korea? :0 did you get a diagnosis or are you selfdx? its something I've wondered ever since seeing tinys or even other kpop fandoms say that "x member is nd!"

2. ...are you planning to make a hj essay soon? i find him a very interesting man ☝️ i even dare say that he gives off the vibe of someone that doesn't want his members (or even tinys) to be truly away from him, like. the fact that his loreteez character is doing so much to keep them together, and if we take the "henry jo is hj from an alternative timeline" theory into account, alongside the guy saying that a lot of the lore is based in some irl aspects... yeah

and the recurrent "dont look at other idols" jokes he makes 😭😭 in my country theres a saying that goes "entre broma y broma, la verdad se asoma" (lit. in every joke, the truth peeks through) and this definitely applies here imo. i just think that he's probably a bit insecure and thinks that many people aren't going to stay with him, or maybe im reading him wrong/too much

and now for the reflection (or conclusion idk)

man. im truly taking bits and pieces of these men in order to build the fictional boy i used to love for many years. (im sorry if that sounds dehumanizing but hear me out)

i got into atz after a past hyperfixation of mine went badly (never get into white gamer men), and i just needed something to keep myself afloat and sane— that "love" ended up being more genuine as time passed, them being less of a "rebound" (im sorry) and more of something i like and im passionate abt, alongside another long-standing hyperfixation ive had with a fictional boy

a few months ago that hyp also went badly. i didn't wanted to see or acknowledge that his author was fumbling him for years, and that he was slowly changing into someone else. it all blew up on me seeing all the traits that i loved about him not being there anymore, he was pretty much a soulless doll that got into a frankly undercooked relationship with his girl best friend. no acknowledgement of his trauma, no introspection, not even some tears (he was my crybaby hero!!! WHERE DID HE GO 😭😭)

but anyways. ever since then ive been getting more into atz, and the more i started to realize how i unconsciously was attracted to members that displayed the most aspects of the fictional character's personality. for ex. hwa's passion for his interests, sn's drive to protect and understand people that are different to him, mingi's live convos taking things like aliens coming to earth seriously... in those moments, i found glimpses of what that boy was for me- i could almost reach out and feel that he was actually real, even if he was cut to pieces and in different people.

maybe the boy i loved was the most basic form of something made for a woman to love and fantasize about, but that doesn't erase that ive spent almost a decade loving him idc

-🧋(im sorry for dropping an entire manifesto here, have a good day xoxo 💋)

OK first of all, I love that you called me MUFFIN :D :D. Secondly, this imaginative way you're using the personas that Ateez is presenting to you and weaving as they go is one of the optimal ways of engaging in fandom. You seem kind of down on yourself about approaching things that way but, Friend, reality is harsh and life can be very difficult, and there's nothing wrong with engaging in fantasy using the publicly presented personas of people who want your attention. You seem imaginative in general, so maybe, eventually, instead of having to rely on other authors (who disappoint), you can create your own blorbo, which then will delight other people.

To answer your questions:

I am self diagnosed. I did talk to a therapist who isn't a ND specialist and she basically said there really wouldn't be a point to getting an official diagnosis, because the therapies available would be of the type that are too rudimentary for someone like me who is already an adult. I had to figure things out the hard way, through traumatizing trial and error, about what NTs will react violently to, but that's in the past. I already know now. I hear a lot about young children now being diagnosed, and it's received and relayed as a disaster, like the child has fallen terribly ill, but these kids are also of the non-interactive, non-verbal, can't-mask variety of NDs. ADHD is caught by teachers very well, apparently, and the children are medicated and given therapy as much as the parents can afford. We did have a very popular K-drama, about a ND genius attorney. I don't watch TV of any country very much so I didn't watch that, but a friend did and she thought it was too idealized and silly. The prejudices and oppression against people who seem odd or are disabled or can't fit in in Korea are about what you'd see anywhere else in the developed world, I think.

The "don't look at other idols" thing is something I've seen Lee Know allude to (though not as directly) from Stray Kids and though my sample is just two, given how differently they're styled and marketed from Ateez, I have come to assume and extrapolate that all boy Idols say this to their fans. I've written elsewhere about the economics of boybands that I've learned from books on the industry, but for the tldr: the boybands survive on financial engagement from their specific fandoms, girlbands go for more 'mass' appeal. It's imperative for a boyband to have the continued attention and loyalty of their fandom audience to survive through the next 'comeback.' They have to say that, and pray that the fandom stay with them.

Hongjoong - I don't currently expect to write about HongJoong. HAHAHA LAUGHING AT MY SELF HEEHEEE HAAAA. I mean. I never thought I'd write about Mingi and then I was live blogging his Lives minute by minute. I did not intend to write THREE separate giant posts about Yeosang, but I did. I'm currently thinking about Yunho a lot.

But (oh here we go, you've gotten me started).

Hongjoong has this Feral Demon Line Participant x Napoleon Complex to the max x Killjoy School Marm x Wants to Make It Worse x I'm The Dictator Father x I'm the Baby x My Work Wife Dominates Me While Pretending Not To x Insane Ball of Creative Energy That Goes Big Every Time x Is the kindest, mildest, weepiest, sweet, sheltered virgin (not literally but you know what I mean) x I Am A Jealous Boyfriend of Atiny / I'm Not Locked In Here With Them, Atiny Is Locked in Here With Me x Milions Love Me x My One Friend In the World is Park Seonghwa situation happening. AND I also read him as being ND, as someone who is figuring out how to be a person and a leader as he goes, where the strengths of being ND in the ways I recognize and the weaknesses too are very illuminating to me.

So even though I don't plan to, I probably will at some point write about Hong Joong. If there's a topic or aspect or some content you (you, just you, Hongjoong Verdad Anon) would like me to add to me 'to be written' roster, I'd gladly take it on.

[silvernyxchariot]

In trying to overcome my burnout from these past five years (Everyone say, "Thank you, COVID."), I've been reading books but I've recently started binge watching some anime. Here are some that have left an impression on me.

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End ☆☆☆☆

It's so cozy. Despite it being a depiction of the sad part of the passing of time and how different it is for (near) immortals and mortals; how people can affect each other even after decades. Oh yeah, and there's some combat in there.

Dan Da Dan ☆☆☆

Cool, but not my favorite. It's your regular shōnen. Let's be real. The sad story behind the side characters and antagonists gets to me.

Sakamoto Days ☆☆☆☆

I'm digging it. Slice of life vibes, but over the top antics. Even if he wants to live peacefully with his wife and child, his new workers are gonna shenan-again. 🥁

Delicious in Dungeon ☆☆☆☆

Cute. I love it. The humor is just 🍝💋🤌🤌 so seamless and doesn't try too hard.

Ouran High School Host Club ☆☆☆

I FINALLY watched it after centuries. It's aight. In OHSHC's era/style of anime, I prefer Hetalia and Kaichou wa Maid-sama. But you know what, this fanbase deserves its 3rd (or 2nd?) season.

My Happy Marriage ☆☆☆☆☆

I would marry Miyo myself if I had the same prestige and money as... what's-his-face, the male lead. With the way people in fandom spaces are acting rn, I'm gonna say, you're not a "girls' girl" if you don't understand that not all women process trauma that same exact way. Maomao, Nobara, Rukia, Sakura, Nami, Misaki, Frieren, and Sarada Uchiha would be disappointed in all these chicks who only want a badass, kickboxing, self-confident female lead but degrade other women for being more soft and emotional. Like, the aforementioned f!leads would defend other women who are kind and gentle "crybabies."

The Apothecary Diaries ☆☆☆☆☆

This is the mystery-romance-historical fiction I needed in my life, but I never knew I wanted. But also, Alexa, play "Labor" by Paris Paloma.

I feel like Maomao is also just the representation of every girls' autism or hyperfixation side.

The Grimm Variations ☆☆☆☆☆

Me every episode ⬇️

I feel like this series is trying to give me a lowkey existential crisis each time. The Little Red Riding Hood episode was my favorite so far (I'm only on episode 4, the Shoemaker one). A little predictable, because hello "VARIATIONS" it's required to think differently so do that, but the way everything is executed is beautiful and eerie. Charlotte is also so pretty.

[edens-passing-if]

Eden's Passing is a 16+ game made in Twine by me, Doc, and is my first attempt at making an interactive fiction game!

Genre: Primarily Fantasy and Comedy focused with a smidge of Mystery and Horror elements. Do tell me if a separate catagory fits, please!

Warnings: Trauma, Bodily Injury without feeling it, Body Horror in general (more will be added as time goes on, these are what I'm currently certain off)

Demo: In the works!

Alone in a land you can't recall and stuck at the bottom of a seemingly endless ravine, the start of your journey isn't a pleasant one. Body slowly crumbling away, memory missing, and seemingly stuck with a stranger intent on calling you a name you can't remember, your attempts to leave seem fruitless until they finally offer a helping hand. Hopefully with no strings attached.

Set in the world of Nyr, you're just a lost soul trying to figure out who you are and what happened to you.

Features, added or intended:

☆ Fully customizable MC (name, hair, skin color, personality, etc.)

☆ Romantic or Platonic routes, Poly included.

☆ Long Crocodile. You'll see. ♡

☆ Learn more about the world and maybe save it, maybe launch a salamander at someone.

☆ Diverse cast of characters, ethnicities, religions, etc! (Please do tell me if anything's not accurate enough, it's fantasy, yes, but I am using some real-life ethnicities and such as basis!)

☆ A lot of lore. A lot. I made a map. I will do more than just a map. It's inevitable.

Eden's Passing isn't romance focused but, those inclined towards it, does have multiple routes with it.

Zacharie, M, 36(RO)

A 4'11" man with spiky green hair and red tinted glasses. Adventurers clothing, torn at the edges and taped to his body on his limbs, cover most of his skin. What you can see of his skin, primarily his face, has stitches spanning the length and width. No one is allowed to touch them. Beyond that, he seems nice, even when he mutters insults at passing plants or argues with books. But his skittishness towards others is concerning, especially the glint of pure terror he sometimes shows. It's typical to see him hovering around Cassian, primarily either hiding behind him or riding his shoulders.

Solo OR Poly route with Cassian or Florian.

Cassian, M, 29 (RO)

At 6'6, he's the tallest of the group. Long black hair drapes down well past his hips, sometimes being used to hide his eyes from others. Old yet well cared for armor is his ordinary choice of clothing, no matter the situation. Quiet and melancholic, it's hard to catch him smiling at much of anything. Despite that, he's the first to jump into a fight to protect his friends. One of the few people to understand Zacharie, he keeps a firm eye on anyone that might pose a threat to the smaller man. A bit of an enabler, he will turn a blind eye to the more playful deeds his companions wish to take.

Solo OR Poly route with Zacharie.

Florian, Gender Selectable (M/F/NB), 25 (RO)

At 5'3", they're the second shortest of the group. Blond curly and short hair, styled like an odd pixie cut, clashes against the bright red coat they drap over themself. Two antennae stick out from their scalp, twitching at any stimulus. A butterfly bow, which sometimes flaps on its own when Florians distressed, keeps it from falling off. When they're not being pestered by Zacharie or Wynn, they're actually the most sensible of the group. A bit of a motherhen, they do their best to prevent the others from getting into trouble. It's a thankless job, and they aren't even getting paid for it.

Solo OR Poly routes with Wynn or Zacharie.

Wynn, Gender Selectable (M/F/NB), 23 (RO)

A 5'9" elf that's joined the group alongside Florian. Long, pointed, and pierced ears flick every so often, parting their short, light purple hair. Clad in a cape that trails in the air and an outfit that shows off a concerning amount of chest, they aren't the shyest with showing skin. Long pants that hide even their boots cover their legs, yet never get dirty as they drag across the ground. A bit of a flirt, they aren't the type to take much seriously. It's common to see them, Zacharie, and Twig up to no good, typically with Wynn at the lead. A natural born leader, one might be confused why they follow MC's lead, even they seem at odds with that fact.

Solo OR Poly route with Florian.

Twig, NB, 26 (RO)

Looming over at 6'4", they tend to forget just how tall they are. Long purple hair ends as their tail begins, the fluff at the end matching their hair. Thick and curly when short, it covers up their eyes from the view of others. 5 horns sprout up from their scalp, imitating a crown of sorts, and range in size from a few inches to just two. Clad in purple and blue robes that are breathable yet skin-tight, they've had Zacharie modify it to properly accommodate their tail. Out of the group, they remain the friendliest even in the face of adversity. It's... hard for others to tell whether they're simply naive or just too forgiving, but regardless of that, they remain the first to lend their hand when others need it. A bit of a goofball as well, it's easy to catch them trying to pick the funnest option first. Quick to trust and quicker to befriend, one might wish to spare them from the cruelty of the world.

Solo route

???, NB, ??? (RO?)

A figure that stands at 5'10, they're your savior from the pit you woke up in. Long hair, starting black and quickly fading to a bright red, flows from their scalp like tendrils. It flows as if hit by a breeze constantly, regardless of airflow. Clad in only a white robe tied shut at the waist by a sash, it's easy to notice the gaps in their skin. They never answer when it's brought up, leaving you wondering just what has saved you from the ravine. Quick to anger, you'd almost think they're unpredictable if not for the consistent causes and phrases. Regardless of who you are, they insist your name is Eden. Regardless of their affection towards you, they refuse to tell you who they are. They insist you'll figure it out.

Solo route.

[galway-girlatwork]

Deliver Me

Fandom: Triple Frontier- AU.

Rating: Mature-This is a dark fiction. It took on a mind of its own when I began writing it. There is so much angst. A small amount of fluff and smut. Like teeny, tiny. It was supposed to be Frankie falling in love and he did, it just took a really long time to get there.

TRIGGER WARNING: Domestic Battery. (Please do not read this if it will cause trauma. Explicit scene. Explicit description of abuse.)

Central Characters: Frankie. Trinity. Lily. (Trinity’s daughter) David. (Trinity’s ex-husband)

Central Relationship: Frankie, Trinity, Lily.

Word Count: 4,669

AO3

Please do not copy my work. If you liked it, please re-blog and tag me. Please do not steal my mood board. Stealing is WRONG so just don’t do it. I do not give permission to copy, translate, or post my work to any other platform.

Music inspiration: Bat for Lashes-Let’s Get Lost

Written for @toomanystoriessolittletime writing challenge

SUMMARY:

Running. It was what she knew, her ex-hundreds of miles away. A relationship is not what she needed, not what she wanted. Peace is all she craved after years of living in fear, relying on the flight or fight response. Meeting her daughter’s kindergarten teacher, who was the exact opposite of David, her abusive ex, might change that. But what happens when the past rears its ugly head? Will she fight, flee or finally ask for help?

Deliver Me

The small town of Pinebrook seemed like the perfect place for a fresh start. Trinity had arrived just a few weeks ago, driven by the promise of a peaceful life for her and her five-year-old daughter, Lily. Cozy, tree-lined streets, friendly neighbors, that didn’t ask a lot of questions, gave her hope that Pinebrook could be the safe haven she needed.

David was finally in jail, after the last time he’d hit her. He hadn’t cared that the papers were final, the judge giving her full custody of their daughter. A month later, he’d broken into her apartment. When she came to, he’d fractured four ribs, broken her nose, for the second time, and choked her until she’d passed out. When he was sentenced, he was taken out of the courtroom, screaming that the next time he’d kill her. But now? She felt a sliver of hope that she and Lily could have normal. PTA, bake sales, Girl Scouts, it was a feeling she’d hadn’t been allowed to have in years.

Lily was starting kindergarten today at the elementary school at the edge of town. She was anxious about leaving her all day but Lily’s excitement was contagious. As they stood outside the classroom on the first day of school, she knelt down to straighten Lily’s little backpack.

“Are you ready, sweetie?” she asked, her voice gentle yet tinged with nervousness.

Lily nodded; eyes wide with curiosity. “I’m ready, Momma!”

Just then, the classroom door opened, and a tall, warm-looking man with kind brown eyes and dark curls appeared. He smiled, making Trinity feel an unexpected flutter in her chest. Standing, she took Lily’s hand in hers, not expecting a male teacher, especially for a room of five-year-olds. Lily, hid behind her, tiny hand curling into the sweater she was wearing. “Lily love, it’s okay.”

“You must be Lily,” he said with a grin, kneeling to meet her at eye level. “I’m Mr. Morales, but you can call me Frankie. I’ll be your teacher this year.”

“And you must be Lily’s mom,” Frankie said, standing up and extending his hand to her. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Frankie Morales.”

“Trinity,” she replied, shaking his hand. “Trinity Greyson. It’s nice to meet you, too. Lily, I’ll be here to pick you up at 2:45, okay? Be good and have a great day.” Frankie seemed to have a calming effect on Lily as he gently guided her into the classroom, her own nerves settling slightly for the first time since she moved here.

Sitting in the carpool lane had to be one of the most boring things a mom had to do. It was a hurry up and wait deal where you wanted to be the first one in line but then sit here until school ended. She didn’t realize the line would be halfway down the street. When she pulled up, she smiled, seeing Lily with Frankie, being so animated about whatever they were talking about. When the back door opened, he helped her in the car, letting her know he’d see her in the morning.

From then till bedtime, Lily told her everything about her very first day, showing off her first coloring page, which was promptly put on the fridge with a magnet that had been left by the previous owner. Finally tucked in bed, night light projecting stars on walls and ceiling, she went into her room, tablet in hand and after checking emails, browsed the school website, a small smile graced her face as she found Frankie’s picture. If Lily was this happy on the first day, then that was all that mattered.

Three Months Later

Months flew by, and kids were getting ready for Thanksgiving holiday. She couldn’t believe that Christmas was around the corner and that it would be the first one she’d celebrate without her mom. David had always made a big deal out of the holidays, it was the one time of year where she didn’t have to worry about arguments, because heaven fucking forbid his parents see anything wrong with their marriage. Her Mom wanted to come out but she’d convinced her to stay in Boston with her younger sister but truth be told, she didn’t want anyone knowing where she was, including her mom.

She was a million miles away when her cell phone rang, picking it up, she saw it was the school and panicked. “Is Lily, ok?”

“Hi Mrs. Greyson, this is Mr. Morales. Lily’s fine but I was wondering if you had time to meet today? There was something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Um sure. After school?”

“Actually no. Can you come at 11:30 while Lily is at lunch?”

“Sure.”

“Great. See you then.”

Well, what the fuck was that all about?

“Come in Mrs. Greyson.” Frankie showed her to a chair in the conference room before sitting across from her, opening the manilla folder, a pen appearing from a shirt pocket. “Lily is doing great in class but when we were talking about Thanksgiving and where everyone was going and their favorite part of dinner, she said something disturbing and I want to get it cleared up. Something about not liking Thanksgiving because of being in the hospital? Does that make sense to you?”

Fuck, she thought. She didn’t think Lily would have remembered last year but apparently that was not the case. Shit. Fuck. Damn. “First it is not Mrs. I’m divorced, Greyson is my maiden name. Second, it was last year. I was um…” Fingers clenched into fists under the table, eyes dropping to the table, noticing the swirl marks in the polished wood. “There was an accident, I fell down the stairs and I was in the hospital for a few days. Lily was with my mother.” It was amazing how easy the lie fell from her lips. It was the same lie she’d told the police, her mother, her boss, basically anyone who asked. The doctors were the only ones who knew the truth and since she’d refused to press charges, there was nothing anyone could do.

“Ahhh, I see. Well thank you for clearing that up for me.” Something was off about the whole conversation, he thought. He noticed the way her head dropped, not looking him in the eye, the stiffness of her body, and he was willing to bet his paycheck that her nails were digging into her palms. It was almost as if she shrank into herself, ready to run given the chance. “Miss Greyson, Trinity, please know that if you or Lily need anything, we’re here for both of you. Lunch will be over soon so I have to get back to class before the kids but…” Taking a sheet of paper from the folder, he scribbled his number across the bottom and slid it towards her. “If you ever need anything, just give me a call.” Standing, he noticed the involuntary flinch when he extended his hand towards her, dropping it instantly.

“Thank you, Mr. Morales.” Holy crap she just wanted out of here right now.

“Please call me Frankie.”  He helplessly watched as she practically ran from the conference room. Later that night, he fought the urge to call her, to check on the both of them, but he didn’t, wanting her to call on her own terms, when she was ready. On a hunch, he went onto his laptop and did some digging, but couldn’t find anything on her or Lily in Washington but then he remembered something in Lily’s file, that she’d been born in Massachusetts. He really shouldn’t be prying like this but he was attracted to her, had been since the minute he saw her. Blonde curly hair, beautiful green eyes, but the biggest attraction had been the way she was with Lily, hands on with everything but not overbearing or intrusive. Nothing was coming up for him in Boston and decided it was best to just leave things be for now.

She was more cautious now, simply out of habit. Her past had left not only emotional scars but physical ones as well, reminded every time she looked in the mirror, her back a crisscross of scars but every day that passed without any word from him or his family, allowed her to believe that she’d finally escaped, that she was safe. It was the last day of school before Christmas break, Frankie putting Lily in the backseat, that he asked her out. Just coffee. No pressure. Looking in the review mirror at Lily, her eyes wide, smile even wider as she nodded, that she said yes. Cue awkward conversation as he stammered for a second, before letting her know he’d call her later.

“Momma, can we have McDonald’s? I want a happy meal. Oh, can I have a playdate with Amy? She gave me her number. It will be fun and I can take my Barbies and LOL dolls and Patch can go.”

“Yes, Lily love. I can call Amy’s mom. Right now, how about we get home, have a snack and you can watch a movie while I finish work.”

Later that night, she was in bed when her phone rang, smiling a little when his number had come up. A nervous exchange of small talk ensued, the hi’s, how are you’s, what are you doing before they actually had real conversation. It was two hours of getting to know the other, the only thing she refused to talk about, dodging the question of where Lily’s dad was by changing the subject. When he asked her out for dinner, she was comfortable enough to say yes. Hanging up, she nestled against the pillows, wondering if this was worth anything, David’s words on repeat in her head.

They dated all through Christmas break but only when Lily was with her friends, Trinity not wanting to confuse anything for her. It was coffee first, a few lunches, dinner one night. She always met him, needing her car in case she had to go get Lily early but he knew there was something more, just beneath the surface, something she wasn’t ready to share. He gave her the space and time, wanting more with her but it needed to be on her terms. New Years came and went, so did the day every person dreaded, Valentines. She asked for nothing but he wanted to do something special, so flowers were delivered to her house but not the stand-by of roses, how cliché was that, remembering her favorites were daisies and snapdragons. Lunchtime had him sitting at his desk, eating a sandwich, scrolling through his phone when the phone vibrated, letting him know that she was calling, smile on his face as he answered.

“Hey, you. Didn’t expect to hear from you during lunch.”

“Well, I just got a surprise delivery so I figured I’d call the guy responsible.”

Leaning back in his chair, suddenly forgetting lunch, head back, staring at the ceiling. “So, you got the flowers?”

“I did. They’re beautiful. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I just wanted to remind you how amazing you are. Not a crime, right?”

“Well, consider me reminded. I was having one of those days, you know. You’ve got pretty good timing.”

“I know nothing with us is official but I just wanted to do something special.”

“You remembered my favorites.”

“I’m glad you like them. That’s all that matters.”

“Thank you, Frankie. Really. See you at school?”

“I’ll see you this afternoon.”

“By the way, Lily is going to Amy’s tomorrow night, dinner at your place?”

“You’re on. 7?”

“It’s a date. Bye Frankie.”

“Bye Trin.”

Setting the phone down, heart still buzzing with the sound of her voice, he glances down at his half-eaten sandwich, grinning to himself.

“Mom, I already told you to meet us in Seattle. Please don’t argue, it’s just…We need to be safe, just a little while longer. Please do this for me.” She was frustrated, angry because her mom wanted to come for spring break to see her and Lily but she didn’t want her mom traveling here. “I promise I am safe right now but Mom if you can’t do this for me then I am not going to let you take Lily for spring break. Boundaries Mom, boundaries.” Her mom finally conceded, agreeing to meet her there, she’d spend the day with them before driving back. When the phone rang, she was still annoyed. “Mom I am not talking about this anymore.”

“Whoa wrong person. You, okay?”

“Frankie…I’m sorry. My mom is just being a little difficult about spring break.”

Again, something was wrong and again she was closing herself off. Every time they would take one step forward, something happened and he was right back at square one with her. It was enough to test the patience of a saint and he was no saint but he’d fallen so hard for her, but there was still that distance and he was trying to close it. She never talked about her life before moving here, always changing the subject when it came up and he always let it go. “Trin, you know you can talk to me, right? I am not asking for much here, just talk.”

“I know. There’s just…So I’m leaving to drive Lily down to Seattle on Friday since it’s early dismissal but I’ll be back Saturday if you want to have dinner?”

“Yea dinner sounds great. Same time?”

“Seven. Bye.”

“Bye.” Fucking hell, what the fuck was he doing? He was fucking pining for a woman that held him back at arm’s length. How much longer did he allow this shit to continue? He knew the answer before the question.

Dinner had gone off without a hitch until he brought up her past, when he could see her mentally and physically shutting down. Sighing he picked up their plates and went into the kitchen, hands grasping the counter, knuckles white, skin stretched tight as he heard her come in behind him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“There’s just things I can’t…”

“You won’t,” he interrupted, his frustration slipping though despite efforts to remain calm. A hand ran through his hair as he took a deep breath, turning to face her. That’s when it all clicked in his head and he became angry with himself for missing all the signs, things he was trained to look for. “What did he do to you?” The sudden jerk of her head, green hues piercing his and he knew the accusation was true. Her silence was deafening, and he wanted to shake her, to make her see how much she meant to him. But he also knew that pushing her too hard would only drive her further away.

Exhaling slowly, he moved towards her, reaching out, gently cupping her face in his hands. Her skin was cold to the touch, but he didn’t pull away. He couldn’t. “I’m here, Trin. Not going anywhere,” he said softly, brushing his thumb along her cheek. Lips gently brushed against hers, “Let me in baby.”

Closing her eyes, she leaned into his touch, wanting to desperately let go of the past, body shuddering as she whispered, “I don’t want to lose you.” Opening her eyes, gaze filled with longing but something deeper as well. A hand came up, palm resting against the back of the hand that cupped her cheek, amazed at how it felt. To have someone touch her without a hint of violence. Something shifted in her when he called her baby. This was a man who’d been so patient with her, so understanding and she was pushing him away because she was scared when he’d done nothing to earn that fear. Hand moved from his, cupping the back of his neck, she brought him down to her, kissing him, the tip of her tongue running along his bottom lip, hearing a low growl, both arms wrapping around her waist, he held her close as he carried her to his room.

When his knees hit the edge of the mattress, he laid her down, wanting to commit everything to memory as fingers traced along her cheek, moving across her lips, watching her expressions with each touch, kiss, lick of his tongue. Hands grabbed the bottom of her shirt, pushing it up, kissing the contours of her stomach, protruding hip bones, visible stretch marks but when he sat her up to take off her shirt, she scooted away from him, a single finger pressing against his lips, before she presented him her back, lifting the fabric up and off, flesh a myriad of scars. Sitting behind her, he unclasped her bra, pushing the straps down her shoulders, fingers tracing over each one. He didn’t understand how someone could be so brutal to another human. Fingers lightly grabbed her chin, turning her head towards him. “You’re so beautiful.” Standing, he pulled her up, stripping her naked before himself, settling once more on the bed, back against the headboard, he settled her between his legs, kissing the ends of the scars that went across her shoulders. One hand played with her nipples as the other moved up her thigh, finding her clit. He wanted this to be about her, to show her how beautiful he thought she was, despite what she thought about herself.

Legs opened further, erection pressing against her ass, he slid one finger into her, feeling how wet she was for him. He wanted her, more than he wanted anything else in this world. He wanted to see her face when she came, to see how beautiful she was when she was a desperate mess. His name was a murmur from her lips, fingers holding tight the hair at the nape of his neck, as her hips moved against the palm of his hand. Her body exploded, orgasm soaking his hand, as he gently slowed down, hearing her whimper when he pulled his fingers out of her.

She’d never had anyone pay as much attention to her body as he just did. It was like every guy she’d been with, a total of three, almost four, was too busy chasing their own orgasm to worry about her. With David, it had become more of a chore than a want, praying so hard that he would just get it over with so she could shower. This? This was so different. Turning around to face him, legs draped over his thighs, his stare so intense, she could feel it in her soul. She didn’t say a word, as she straddled him, thighs squeezing his, hips moving against him before he slid into her. She could feel a hand at her hip while the other tucked a curl behind her ear, never once did his eyes leave hers. He watched her as they moved together, not one more than the other. She wanted to this to be something she’d never forget, no matter what happened between them. He was letting her know that she was beautiful, wanted, cared for, possibly loved. Did those words mean something? Yes, to anyone who wanted to feel that emotion but all she could focus on right now was him, beneath her. Arms wrapped around each other as he lavished attention to sensitive nipples, suckling at them, it was like a tight rope between them, and she was the first to fall. He came right after her, seed scalding her insides as he whispered that he didn’t want to stop, couldn’t stop. When her head dropped to his shoulder, pressing kisses against the skin, he just held her as she cried. Silent tears of just letting go of all of it. The past, the hurt, the rage…It was cleansing, cathartic, forgiving.

Two days later, pulling into the garage, phone tucked between shoulder and cheek, she hadn’t noticed that the alarm didn’t beep when she opened the door leading inside. Hadn’t noticed anything until she was violently shoved forward, losing balance, falling face first into the hardwood floor. Pain radiated the entire expanse of her chest as foot connected with ribs, body flipped over before he was on top of her, a violent hand expanding over her neck as she clawed at it, before the other backhanded her. Vision blurred as lungs burned. In that second, she thanked God. Thanked him because her child wasn’t here to see blood trickling from lips that kissed her goodnight. Hair wrapped in a fist pulled her from the floor before slamming her into the wall, arms pinned above her head as he screamed in face, all the names that were his favorite. Whore. Slut. Bitch. Cunt. The names weren’t new. She’d heard them all before, but this time, it felt like they were etched into her skin, branded across her soul. He demanded to know where she’d been, who she’d been fucking, where his child was. When she refused to answer, meaty fist went through drywall before body met wood, skin met skin, trying to stay conscious. Just as quickly it started, it had ended. Instinct curled body into a ball, protecting vital organs, hands cupping her head, screams torn from lungs as hands touched her, not registering who they belonged to, her name called over and over. The voice wasn’t filled with hate. It was warm, familiar, calm, soothing, gentle, arms around her in a protective embrace. They didn’t tear at her or bruise her. They weren’t meant to hurt.

He heard it all. The name calling. Cries of pain. Poisonous words of hate spewed out as if they were part of normal conversation. His heart dropped, adrenaline hitting him hard, like ice water in his veins. The panicked cry of her voice, left him only one clear, primal instinct—get to her.

Hands shook with rage and fear as he sped through side streets. "FUCK?!" He barked into the phone, his mind racing through possibilities, but no answer came. "NO!" His voice broke, thoughts a chaotic mess, bouncing between fury and terror. His foot pressed harder on the gas as flashes of her—bruised, terrified—ran through his mind. The rage welled up so fiercely he could barely breathe. Clenching the steering wheel so tight, knuckles turned white, streets flying by in a blur, every second feeling like an eternity. All he could think about was her.

When he finally reached the house, he barely stopped the car before jumping out, sprinting toward the door, trying to open it before he gave up and kicked it in. “Let her go!” Frankie shouted, rushing towards the man that was on top of her, a haze of red clouded his vision as he punched him, over and over until he was unconscious. Moving towards her, heart shattering at what he saw and when he reached for her, the blood curdling screams tore from her body, broke him even more. Picking her up, he moved into the living room, setting her down on his lap as he sat on the couch. Pressing a kiss to her temple, he moved her, anger fresh as he watched her wince. Going back into the kitchen, he picked up her phone, his still in his truck, calling  9-1-1 and while he spoke to dispatch, he began looking for something to bind his hands before he killed the fucker

Her home became a hive of activity, David led away in handcuffs, digging himself a bigger hole as hate fueled threats were thrown at everyone. EMS had her a gurney, trying to ask questions, eyes vacant of any emotion, she said nothing. He’d pieced what he could together for the cops, letting them know he’d take care of the door before he was left alone in the middle of the living room. He wanted to go with her but the medics wouldn’t let him, family only, letting him know where they were taking her. When he was finally allowed to see her, she was sleeping, given pain meds and a sedative. Bruises began to blossom on her cheeks, hands prints could be seen on the slim column of her neck, skin red and angry. No broken or fractured ribs but all of that would heal. It was what it would do to her mentally and emotionally that worried him the most.

It hurt. That was the first thought she had when she woke up. It hurt, everywhere. Her mouth felt like it was full of cotton and grit, throat raw and sore from screaming, pleading. Head was pounding as though a hammer had taken up residence in her skull, the sterile smell of antiseptic burning her nostrils. Blinking a few times, vision blurry, she tried to focus, body heavy, every breath an effort, every movement, reminding her of what happened. That is when eyes fell on Frankie, sitting in the chair next to her bed, elbows on knees, hands clenched together, face looking tired. “Hey.”

He jerked upright, eyes wide with relief. “Trin… you’re awake.” His voice was hoarse, thick with emotion he barely concealed. He shifted closer, the chair scraping the floor slightly as he leaned toward her, his hand tentatively reaching out, gently taking it in his. "How do you feel?"

“I hurt," she managed with a faint, grim smile. The effort hurt, but seeing Frankie there, watching over her, soothed the ache, if only a little. “Where is he?”

“Jail. He violated parole. They are keeping him here. The police want to talk to you about what happened.” For a long moment, neither spoke. The machines continued their rhythmic beeping, but all he could focus on was the warmth of her hand in his. “I called your mom, she wanted to come up here with Lily but I convinced her not to. She said for you to call her when you’re up so you could talk to Lily. Said something about keeping Lily in Seattle until you’re feeling better. Gonna have to think of something to tell her unless…”

“I’m going to tell her the truth. She knows her father is not a nice man, she’s seen more than she should have, I just always figured she’d forgotten but what you said last year, made me realize she hadn’t. I’m not going to lie for him but I have to ask you something. This is more than what you signed up for, are you sure that all of this is something you want?” She needed to give him a way out, an escape. It would hurt more than the bruises and sore muscles but this was so much for someone to want to deal with. She didn’t want to lose him, not when she loved him so very much.

“Yes. I know you think you’re broken but broken is beautiful. You’re beautiful and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you and Lily that.” Whoa. Wait. What? Did he just say the rest of his life? Fuck yes, he did. It didn’t mean they had to get married, that was just paperwork. It was being there for her and her daughter, wanting to be with them, that she was worthy of being loved.

In the weeks that followed, she realized something profound, she wasn’t just safe with Frankie; she was loved. He had seen her at her most vulnerable, and even when she’d given him an out, he didn’t take it. Instead, he had stayed, offering her and Lily the kind of love they had been missing for so long.

Their relationship deepened as they spent more time together, and for the first time in years, she allowed herself to imagine a future. Of peace, calm, where they felt safe. Where someone made her feel like she could finally heal. He wasn’t just a protector, he was her partner, seeing her for who she really was. Strong, independent, a mom, a fiancé, a woman who was delivered from violence.

[melfinawins]

My partner started watching the new season so I joined in. Oops?

The spoiler tag is at the top. I recommend not reading this until you've watched the entire season.

Well. That season was all over the place. Big lack of cohesion.

I wound up watching it because my partner did. And I just marathoned it.

I like all the long conversations, but it got taxing and too meandering by around episode 6. I kinda hit my limit with Mikey and Tina. I loved their interaction completely, but instead of it being a unique/special moment, they applied it to every fucking character on the show.

I liked that Claire told the Faks to fuck off. That was nice!

I loved Ted Fak and Sweeps/Gary's conversation. Got teary-eyed.

Loved everything to do with Marcus. I've said it before and I'm going to say it again: he's getting a star before all these other jokers. He's the only one who has balance. He has climbed the mountain of self-actualization and reached its peak.

Loved in the finale where the camera just recorded real life world famous chefs talking and being happy about food. I was so starved for a sense of joy, I rewatched that part over again because I just wanted to see happy smiling faces. But they kept showing Carmy's dumb ass.

Things I hated: nothing was resolved, only secondary storylines (Marcus, Nat). Literally EVERYTHING ELSE IS OPEN. We didn't even get Syd telling Carmy she wanted out (didn't have to resolve that shit, just fucking START THE PROCESS OF RESOLVING IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE), or Cicero being straight with Carmy. We didn't get Nat showing off the baby to her brother, we didn't even get Carmy meeting the baby. WE DIDN'T GET RICHIE FINDING HIS JOY AFTER LOSING IT-- HE DIDN'T EVEN GO TO THE WEDDING OR NOT GO--NOTHING. Like, the fuck? This show goes on and on about the heart, but we barely got any moments with the characters reminding us what we watched for.

I hate that Carmy passed down his abusive behavior and trauma he got from the EMP chef to Syd, so now her ass is panicking in a hallway when THE FORMER EC OF EVER IS DOING JAEGER BOMBS IN HER LIVING ROOM. Carmy ruined that for her. They didn't get trapped by a star, Carmy ruined that opportunity the moment he got out of that freezer. They were never going to get the star. It was always a shot in hell in the first place, but with Carmy at the helm, it was fucked from jump. HE SHOULDN'T BE EXEC CHEF OF JACK SHIT.

I'm mad that Carmy doesn't even realize how hard he's fucked literally everything. I know that's a part of the point, as EMP chef didn't give two fucks either, but I'm mad that Carmy let the trauma get the best of him and then fucking PASSES IT ON.

WHY DIDN'T CARMY APOLOGIZE TO CLAIRE. I feel like even with his traumas, it was overblown. Like, a lot. As a person who was raised by two Donna's, who fucked off and left the state like this fictional character did with like, 24 hrs notice, a person who would have also skipped their parents funerals had not they had to pay for it, ect, where are his motherfucking balls? CLAIRE FUCKING DESERVES BETTER. THIS MAN IS IN HIS THIRTIES.

This review isn't even about SydCarmy, because I'm just mad about the season in general lmao

Like, I hate Carmy right now. There are sooo many people depending on him to support their families and their way of life. He was so self absorbed this season that he imploded his restaurant over fucking menu choices. The damage may be too great. And he may have fucked it beyond repair. I kinda don't care about his head space, because Donna is/was shit, but she didn't fucking implode a restaurant full of people depending on her.

He's turning into his parents.

I said previously that his ass was on thin ice. I meant that shit. Like, I'm not rooting for him as of right now. He's done too much damage. It's like Syd said in the 2nd episode or whatever: this is a him problem, not a them problem.

And Donna can fuck right off lmao And no, being women who can experience and bond over childbirth doesn't heal fucking wounds, actually. As a person who has been in that exact situation, I skipped half the episode once Donna showed up. Because I also thought my mother with severe mental health issues could relate to her daughter giving birth. But then that shit didn't happen and once the baby has arrived, the story gets rewritten. Donna, in her current state, is incapable of change. Sorry not sorry.

And when has Nat ever been that fucking dense? Anyone with eyes could see Syd and the rest of the staff are miserable. And she saw the numbers-- that place won't last a year if they don't fucking bring in the budget. What good is a star if the place is closed a week later? CICERO HAS PUT DOWN ALMOST A MILLION DOLLARS. If the storyline is to be believed, they would be making a nice dent in the loan if not for the daily changing menu. And for what? Recycled, uninspired food that Carmy is just regurgitating from his former bosses who actually put in the creative energy to accomplish it? Very 2014 of him indeed.

I usually really love dark seasons of shows, or the mid point of a movie franchise (think Two Towers of LotR). I was going in expecting it to be fucking really dark. But something that's really important when you're doing the midpoint of a story is giving the audience something to hold onto. You have to show the audience that though it's dark, the dawn will come. There needs to be hope, even if it's just a flicker.

Not the case here.

In this 3rd season, every time the story would show some positive moments in a tiny storyline, they'd reiterate how shit is fucked and possibly permanently. And the characters are unlikeable, but not in a Succession kind of way!

My hopes for the characters of The Bear is that they get the fuck out and find other spots at other places where they can self-actualize and be happy.

I hope Syd gets every one of her dreams and spending time with Carmey will seem like a drug induced psychosis from the stale waffles she ate in her freezer. I hope she and Luca fuck. I hope she, Luca and Marcus fuck. I hope she opens her dream spot with those two and they get everything that Carmy inadvertently sabotaged at The Bear.

I hope Tina goes if she wants to go around the world, even if it's just at Syd's new place. I hope the staff walks and goes with her. Honestly, I hope they all just go to a spot Syd creates. Syd has the potential to be Terry when she "grows up". All she did this season was babysit Carmy and put out fires that Carmy himself lit. Even if Carmy promises to fix himself, like, HE CAN'T BE TRUSTED. Because his "relapses" are fucked and terrible and severe. Even though we see him kind of get a catharsis from telling EMP chef off, Syd and the crew didn't see that shit and there's not much left of his word to them.

That's it for now. I got progressively more angry as I started writing.

I think that episode 1 of this season was one of, if not the best, hour of television I've watched in a long time.

I'm surprised that the season as a whole left me so disappointed.

Also, it's really funny that they got Thomas Keller to do a cameo, since Joel McHale is based off him lmao

[robinico]

The Lost Hero, Tristan and Piper McLean, and Native Americans and Palestinians.

TL;DR: An essay/vent about Rick Riordan writing offensive stereotypes about Native Americans and Arabs while including a positive throw-away line about Israel and the connotations of this in young adult fiction. And insight into the relationship between Native Americans and Palestinians.

So, I'm rereading The Lost Hero as Rick Riordan's several mythological series are comfort books for me that I reread every so often. Some quick background that I'm sure is a common sentiment among readers: when I was younger and first read The Heroes of Olympus books as they were published, I never really questioned the writing or characterizations. I was too young and too caught up in eagerly eating up more of the Percy Jackson world that I loved. As I got older, learned more about the real world, reread and actually analyzed the books, I found a lot of flaws that has made the quality of The HoO series incredibly incomparable to the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. Every time I've reread the PJO series, I've gained further appreciation for the writing (which has its own flaws, of course), whereas my frustration has grown with The HoO series, lol. Again, I know this is not an unpopular opinion.

This includes Piper McLean's characterization and the representation of her Cherokee ethnicity. I've read some insightful posts in the past explaining how Rick Riordan really messed up with Piper and while he's gained brownie points for diversity and trying, it does not absolve him of the specific choices he made with representing her Cherokee culture and how his writing is insulting to the broader Native American identity.

Throughout Piper's chapters, readers learn several things. Piper is Cherokee through her father, Tristan McLean. They are from Oklahoma and her grandfather Grandpa Tom had a home that Tristan still owns despite being a famous actor because it is the physical link to his ancestry. Grandpa Tom and Tristan taught Piper a lot about her Cherokee heritage including their beliefs and folk tales which Tristan has denied believing in them the way his father did. He still obviously feels strongly about his identity and the pain of historical discrimination and oppression against his people and this trauma passes onto Piper. It is the reason why he never plays any Native American role.

Specifically, I want to highlight this excerpt from Chapter XXI, in which Piper recalls a conversation with her father about the movie roles he's accepted.

"He'd played all kinds of roles— a Latino teacher in a tough L.A. school, a dashing Israeli spy in an action-adventure blockbuster, even a Syrian terrorist in a James Bond movie."

She then follows by asking her father why he never accepts Native American roles.

"'Doesn't that get old? Aren't you ever tempted, like, if you found the perfect part that could change people's opinions?'

'If there's a part like that, Pipes," he said sadly, "I haven't found it.'"

When I first read this, I remember being deeply uncomfortable with the Syrian terrorist example. Yeah, as a Muslim, I'm very familiar with the stereotypical Middle Eastern terrorists in media. I know the reason it exists and why it will continue to exist. Riordan could've and should've chosen any other example of a different character role.

However, rereading this today has made me so upset on another level because I did not remember the prior example and Riordan's connotations until now.

"A dashing Israeli spy." I cannot describe the disgust I felt reading this. No, my disgust is not because it's a "trendy" opinion to hate anything Israeli. I am disgusted because in the three examples Riordan gives, only one has a positive adjective (dashing) attached to the stated role (Israeli spy). The other two roles are minority identities (Latino, Syrian) that have no positive connotation attached. In fact, the latter has a negative attachment (terrorist). It's almost laughable how Riordan decided to write "dashing Israeli spy" and "a Syrian terrorist" in the same sentence and thought that was okay. This is what Americans are led to believe. The narrative that "Israel is good and the Middle East is bad" is so ingrained in American culture, that it is so casually placed in young adult fiction.

And even more disrespectfully, this is about a Cherokee man. A man whose ancestry is tainted by several lifetimes worth of oppression, genocide, ethnic cleansing, and censorship. It should be common information now that the injustice and horrors Indigenous Americans faced (and are still experiencing less publicly and obviously) is aligned with the very same injustice and horrors the Palestinian people have been experiencing for 75 years. The relationship several Native American tribes and Palestine is strong. There is a shared history and solidarity between these oppressed groups. I strongly recommend learning more about their relationship if you haven't already. The Palestine Pod, a podcast that aims to educate the public about Palestinian history, culture and resistance, did an episode with Dr. Steve Salaita, author of Inter/Nationalism: Decolonizing Native America and Palestine (p. 2016) in May 2021. Several reviews have described the writing in the book as heavy on academic language so I believe the podcast will be more digestible.

There is absolutely no way a character like Tristan McLean would ever accept an Israeli role. The man who rejects any Native role because there is no perfect part that is written well and respectful enough for his standard would play the role of an oppressor? What the fuck Rick Riordan? And let's not forget that he is a brown man. He is not white-passing, which is why he can fit different minority identities and the Spartan king role. So of course, Israeli spy is just perfect isn't it? Even if someone wanted to argue that Israel's actions as a colonizing state were not as well-known in 2010 and Riordan's writing is unfortunate ignorance, that argument does not hold up when you remember that he clearly compliments the Israeli role (dashing) which highlights his personal bias. Oh, but maybe he's grown and learned more in the past 13 years and has changed his opinion? Except, remember when he released a really detailed neutral statement on the "conflict"? I will acknowledge that he said, "genocidal proportions" regarding the attacks in Gaza, but he also calls for support and security for Israeli. Whatever, I don't care for dissecting neutrality. I'm not exactly shocked by Riordan's position.

Maybe most young readers would pass over the excerpt as a whole like I first did. But for others, it lingers. The connotations are clear and pervasive despite being a small insight into a tertiary character in the grand scheme of such a large series. Riordan's attempts at representation mean nothing when his writing is flawed, contradictory, and insulting regarding his characters of color.

I am glad that I am rereading TLH. It's reminded me the importance of reading old and new material. I channeled the anger I felt reading this excerpt into writing this post and finding a new informative source on Palestinian and Native American oppression. It is important that we continue to challenge ourselves, our nostalgia, our biases, our understanding of the world. It is important to grow from there and continue learning. Especially for Americans and Canadians, we must understand the systemic censorship against Native Americans in order to unravel the problems caused by these very systems.

Continue fighting. Fight for the oppressed. Fight for Palestine.

And do your daily click!

[anincompletelist]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love. ❤️

HI FRIEND! thank you for the ask :') I hope you're well!

I love getting this ask because it changes for me every time jhdfgkjshgf. I think at this moment this would be my top five:

[in no particular order]

i. the diabetic alex fic

for obvious (or maybe not so obvious? reasons) this fic is my outlet for a lot of my own grief and experiences having type one myself. it's cathartic on its own just getting it on a page, but I've been privileged enough to be able to connect with so many others from all different situations because of it and I am eternally grateful for that <333

ii. chaos alex (affectionate)

my author's note was very apt on this one I think: get in losers we're healing our trauma through smut about two fictional men again! :D this one holds a special place on my own personal journey but again, it's been incredibly validating to have received messages that it's been comforting for others as well.

iii. the time-travel-bullet-train-as-a-metaphor-for-grief fic

this one was just insanely fun to write and plan out and, hopefully, execute well! I played around with a bunch of elements that I never have before and didn't realize how much I needed to hear the words I was writing until after I'd written them.

iv. the one where they're june's bridesmen

my first Long Boi in this fandom (sort of). I worked on this one for quite a while and changed course several times throughout it, created original characters that I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know, and ultimately came out with something I was really proud of!

v. the severed soulmates fic

basically the same reasoning as chaos alex above, just without the smut ejhfgksjhfg. if you read between the lines there's quite a few metaphors in here for a whole host of things, but the comfort near the end was well earned and, if applicable to any readers, hopefully validating as well.

+

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #507

I managed to get to bed at around midnight. It's still not 11pm like I hoped for, but it's closer to 11pm than 12:30am, which is about when I went to sleep last night. Progress is progress, and I'll take it.

I decided to have tea and the flan R brought to us the other day for breakfast, after I tended the dishes and fed my fuzzy feline children. The rib injury seems to be really acting up today; I had a bit of a hard time with the movements required to wash the dishes, which is very annoying, but... there's not really much to be done about it but grit my teeth and get it done; at that point, M and J were still asleep.

Ah well; my reward afterwards was good:

The rest of the morning kinda passed by in a blur of wandering the random intert00bz and... tending to the longing ache in my chest that's been part of me ever since... well. Ever since 22-ish years ago. Some days are better than others, and I don't really talk about it all that often (because obviously), but... today, it's a little louder and heavier than usual.

...There's nothing really for it but to grin and bear it. Despite the difficulty, I understand the meaning of its presence, and as such, I would much rather have its presence than its absence. I know that, barring premature departure of my meat-mech, it'll be a while before it's resolved and the void is filled. I am looking forward to that day more than I know how to express. But at the same time, I don't intend to rush that day's arrival. I gotta gather up more memories and experiences and stories first, so that I'll have a lot to talk about when it's finally time.

The weird seminar... I said I might talk about it, and I thought I'd have more to write about it by now, after a day to process. But... the basic summary of it was...

1. Be aware of your own internal state, and learn how to respond to it as though it's just a messenger making you aware of your status, rather than being consumed by it and allowing it to control you. 2. Stop making yourself small and making pretend to be someone you're not for others' comfort, and learn how to separate who you actually are from the reflexes you acquired via trauma or rejection. 3. Carefully learn someone's baseline behaviors so that you don't end up using memories of past people to jump to conclusions about the intentions and inner workings of current people. Observe with curiosity instead of judgment, note changes, and establish what those changes mean over time. 4. Once your instincts start to become observation-based rather than fear-based... trust them. Trust in the notion that you're smart and capable and worthy so that you're not always running around in circles, second-guessing yourself. At the same time, balance this with the possibility that you may be wrong.

...Essentially, it was filled with a lot of the stuff I've been talking about for the last... jeez... 507 letters (plus two other longer letters), now. I gotta say, it was kinda weird to see some of the ideas I try to put forward be mirrored elsewhere in a slightly different format. Not weird in a bad way, but weird in a, “huh... I guess I really oughta start taking myself a little more seriously and also start making less room for those who don't” sort of way.

I know my brain is processing the ideas in the paragraph above in the background. It's doing that as we speak. I can feel it. It's an interesting sensation, and... I like to think nowadays that my brain is a good brain, so... I'm looking forward to whatever it comes up with when the ideas are done cooking.

At some point around noon, J and I decided to go to Eggcellent. Ch wasn't there, but Ea seemed pretty pleased to see us. There was also something really grounding about the fact that the things I made for Ea and Ch were still there:

...I don't really know how to articulate the significance. But... I guess it goes something like, “my existence matters in small ways.” And... I'm not always aware of that notion. Sometimes I forget.

J and I got all sorts of yummies, and talked about a number of things for somewhere between 1 and 2 hours. It was a good time. And I was really happy that they still have the sakura matcha latte; I got it with sago, tea jelly, and cream cheese foam...

...Sephiroth. I really wish I could watch you try the sakura matcha latte. You don't know what I'd give to be able to watch your face light up from such a delightful combination of flavors. To watch you sway from side to side in blissful satisfaction as you sip the blossom-like concoction, in a space that is wholesome and safe. To notice the small details about your body language and the way you react to things. To see you be happy and fulfilled and for you to know that you are loved and welcomed. For you to know in your bones that you belong, that you have a home, that you have a place here.

...I'd give anything to make that a reality. I wish I knew what to do. Who to talk to. What to bleed. But... until I figure something out, all I can do is write these letters...

…

I folded two more paper cranes shortly after getting home. I wrote a wish inside each, and breathed them to life...

...I don't know if this'll do anything. But I don't really know what else to do. So I did it anyway. Even if it doesn't work out like I intend, maybe you'll enjoy the folded shapes all the same.

Hey, Sephiroth? If you were to fold a paper crane, what wish would you write inside for me? What color paper would you use? I wonder.

Well. Now is now. And I don't have anything in particular that I need to do. And I have quite a bit of time before bed. Maybe I'll finally get to doing Valheim. Yay!

I'll be over here if you wanna hang out. But... just a fair warning, I'll probably just derp around a lot:

I love you so much, and I hope that's clear. I love you without some weird agenda (unless wanting you to be happy and safe counts), and for no reason other than you are you. So... please do your best to be safe out there, okay? I don't really wanna keep trying to derp around weirdly in this place if you're not around in at least some abstract capacity.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[charophyte]

🥰 😡 💘 🙈 🌦️ for Ashton with Jotaro.

Here comes another thousand words of word salad. Tried to keep this slightly short because I have a lot else on my plate this week

🥰: How would someone who loved you portray you?

I would be like... kind of worried if someone didn't hate Ash at least a little bit. I really wanted them to straddle the line between likeable and unlikable. But I digress.

This wouldn't be intentional, but I think someone who really loved Ash would portray them with their rough edges sanded off (or maybe my expectations of others are just that low). They'd be less rude, more understanding of people, more likely to apologize for their behavior. I can also imagine them doing therapy speak to explain to others why they act the way they do, even though in 'reality' they've already internalized their own reasons and rationales for their behavior.

I know maybe it's kind of grim to have a negative outlook on a question that seems like it should have a positive answer, but that's just how it is with Ash lmao.

For the record I have friends who love Ash that are very accepting of their flaws and respect them for who they are, but I'm just thinking of how an internet stranger might portray them. And I have internalized biases against fandom people and how they handle characters like this, I guess.

😡: How would someone who hated you portray you?

This one's pretty easy. Ash would be seen as unreasonable, unfeeling since they must be to be so rude to everyone.

I think someone who really hated Ash would portray them punching down a lot. Instead of being someone who hates authority and people who uphold the social status quo, they are just equally mean to everyone because they have a problem (actually I've had people who seemingly liked Ash portray them this way as well, for whatever reason). They would also absolutely be seen as a sex pest (or worse) because of their promiscuity, constantly forcing everyone into uncomfortable sexual situations.

Ash would be portrayed as someone who is undeserving of love. Jotaro gets tired of their shit and kicks them to the curb to be alone again, like they deserve, and goes back to his ex or whatever after seeing the light.

💘: Why would people love your ship? Why would people dislike your ship? How might it start debates?

Well the main reason people would love my ship is because its slash fiction and who doesn't love two men in a relationship together?? But it's also scientist4scientist which has definitely been a more popular trope in the last couple of years. Both of them are rep for a lot of things so I think they get points for that too (if it's good rep... I don't think people would agree on that). They're also doomed to be separated which I think people like? But there's also the AU where everyone lives that would be popular also.

Now, as for disliking the ship... I don't think I need to repeat ad nauseam about how terrible Ash is to everyone. But Jotaro also isn't great when it comes to treating Ash well either, I just think that since he tends to have the moral high ground, other people would "side" with him and absolve him of everything he's ever done wrong. Ash also forces Jotaro to do things that makes him uncomfortable, and despite leading to arguments people would claim that they're never accountable for it.

The debates would most likely center around the fact that both Ash and Jotaro have pretty severe trauma, and that people should cut them some slack when it comes to how they end up hurting each other (which is frustrating to me, because people rarely elaborate beyond 'trauma' which could mean almost anything, or why they'd get a free pass, instead of like. Just accepting that horrible people deserve love and patience too, but I digress). Also the classic debate that Jotaro split up with his canon wife for yaoi, despite already being divorced.

A lot of people on the hater side would come up with an argument that shipping them is beyond toxic because it enables both of their self-destructive behaviors. Like, Ash is not getting any leeway in that fight considering they are disabled and an addict on top of being a dick. They'd be painted as an abuser because that's very easy to do, even though Jotaro technically has way more power in the relationship to get up and leave it than Ash does.

These two bitches are just so messy, there are maybe 100 more debates I could imagine in my head over them. It would be endless.

🙈: Why would your ship be thought of as cute/fluffy? Why would your ship be considered problematic?

Ash is very physically affectionate, partly because that's just how they are as a person, mostly because it means they can annoy Jotaro a little bit. The two of them also stick together come hell or high water. Oddly enough they live a halfway domestic life? The two often wake up in the same bed and do a lot of work together. They also get kind of old together? 40 years old is old, right?

Problematic... I should have re-ordered these questions because I don't want to be redundant lmao. As mentioned above, the two could be seen as enabling each other, Ash would be seen as undeserving of love, Ash is a sex pest, Jotaro is not an attentive partner, Ash is maybe too attentive, etc. etc.

🌦️: Would you be accompanied by mostly fluff or angst fanfics? Both? Explain why.

Both for sure… I mean I already kinda write both? Their relationship is extremely bittersweet: they both have pretty horrible lives and they use each other as an escape, no matter how unwise that might be. They are both very hurt, imperfect people that put up with each other because after a while, going without is unfathomable. Despite everything that’s happened, they still have moments of calm in between the gaps of insane chaos and deep sadness.

Gotta say I think everything would lean more on the angsty side… not just because both of their lives are complicated and because they aren’t all that affectionate with each other (or, at least, not in the traditional sense. They don’t date or whatever), but because it’s honestly kind of satisfying to crush both of them into the dirt, especially Ash. As much as I am in Ash’s corner, it’s very fun to see them take the piss as well. 

I have this philosophy that they are protected by slapstick logic, where even if the worst thing possible happens to them, they have to survive to face the consequences of it. Thus, Ash survives everything that happens, and in their new universe where Jotaro is still with his wife, they live on. They find new happiness, since your life doesn’t end at 40, but it never stops bothering them that their entire relationship with Jotaro was predicated on both of them being miserable.

Original ask game post

[that-starry-freak]

The show villainzing Nexus and trying to make us feel bad for Old Moon is really rubbing me the wrong way- eccpecialy because I've seen so many people actually feeling bad for him

Im not even going to watch the episodes. I dont care. Moon can rot. I dont like him as a person, and I can't even really enjoy his character because how much I see people saying he's done nothing wrong, isn't as bad as Nexus, and/or "well he's trying". It just- augh

I fucking hate Old Moon. If you like him, cool, thats great. Good for you

I just- i like my aus of him, he can be nice and I love his sass. But I just can't with him anymore. Hes such a fucking hypocrite too, Mr "You don't deserve how Eclispe treats you Ash, even though I do the same thing to him" go fuck yourself Moon. Yes, you're doing better, but I just can't anymore

If you can't tell I'm tired. Like- physically rn. And I'm frustrated and ranting

Yknkw what? I think Sol is fucking right. Fuck it, I'm on his side, Moons just fucking suck. Yes, even Ash. He's an excpetion for the most part, and he is amazing but not perfect and thats how people are. But I cant stand how he listened to Eclipse opening himself up and talking about his trauma and being so vulnerable, and retorted back with basically "I dont give a shit if you've been through so much i couldn't even imagine, I want an apology because you hurt my feelings" because yeah while its true I don't give ONE FUCK because that's is the worst fucking time for him to say that

Go fuck yourself Ash. God i can't even- i need to calm down Im just so pissed off. Moons in this how are passing me off. Old moon. Ash. Nexus. I fucking hate all of them even though I like the concept. Yes, I said it, I hate Nexus, but only because of thsi fucking arc. "I'm evil now" oh fuck off you're a young ass edgy ai who needs therapy, go calm the fuck down and come back to this later we've all fucking been there. I've been there, ive been convinced I'm the scum of the earth and evil. Guess what? I wasn't. Like God damn i-

Chat i can't even

I cant even with this show. I cant even with this fandom. And the only way I'm still here are the good episodes, the aus, and the people I surround myself with. So thank you Zee. Thank you Alex and Chills and Polaris. You guys make this show actually worth it

Now excuse me as I get ready for bed

And of course, cause I know this probably will piss people off, well have a good old disclaimer

This is just my opinion. It is not for debate, I'm just venting. I am frustrated. I mean no ill intent to anyone but fiction characters. im just ranting

[cartoonedin]

my live thoughts on legendary summer circa yesterday: an extremely unwieldy 1.8k word long notes app ramble. lots of spoilers below the read more!!!

Disclaimer this review contains many stupid questions and zero smart answers. It’s a kids’ cartoon and it’s not that serious and let me live ok

LEGENDARY SUMMER HAVING ABOUT 58-59 MINUTES OF THE ACTUAL SHOW YES GOD AMEN

Someone get Ava friends who won’t stress her tf out ��� 

She looks so good though. Like maybe it’s just my deteriorating eyesight but I think Legendary Summer really shines in terms of lighting and the Grimorian(?) materials 

Audibly gasped at Glacier being the scariest thing anything can be—white

LAYLA VOICEOVER WHEN I TELL YOU IM WINNING IM WINNING

Like I do wonder why the writers didn’t go with making Legendary Summer Valentina’s special and Winter Solstice Layla’s especially since Valentina was given a bigger role in the previous season but hey! I can’t complain a voiceover is more internal monologue than Isabel got. For whatever reason 😭

Layla representing all the dumbass nerds in STEM I love her so much 😭🤮😍🤓🥰 like that wasn’t obvious 😭🤮😍🤓🥰

SPARKLEBOOK LADY’S NAME IS FARADAY?? LIKE MY SCHOOL HOUSE?? 

I’m gonna be so for real I thought her name was Verde and Layla just pronounced it weirdly because. Idk Canadians. Sorry for doubting you Queen

I’m so tethered to this random cartoon character Lord help me

Layla’s swimsuit is so cute! The same cannot be said for Valentina based on the other clips online but like. Idk maybe she just knew anything she brought would stage Layla up so she just got a shirt and shorts off some driftwood

 I’m still not over Sophia wearing an off sleeve sweater to the beach she’s gonna get heat stroke. Honestly I wouldn’t be opposed to that arc

Who brought the duck floatie and do they know about Rory’s duck trauma

IsaVAL ❤️💙

The unicorns’ power scaling will never make sense to me and you know what. They don’t have to 😇

The way Layla pushes up her glasses 😍🥹🤩🥳 

God help me all these emojis are ironic 

So like is Mr Tansy paying her

AVA MOMS CANON 🌈🌈🌈

I love Glacier and Layla am

Background people 🤯🤯🤯

Pre-riding outfits!!! Hope they got washed!!!

Sophia initiating positive interactions with other people 🤯🤯🤯

OVERPRODUCED POP SONG FROM MY QUEEN ❤️❤️❤️ I’m winning so bad rn

WHAT DO YOU MEAN NONE OF THE OTHER TEACHERS R THERE 😭 WHERE ELSE CAN THEY GO WITH THEIR UNICORN RIDING DEGREES

Which is a problem most magical school fiction has but like. Idk is nobody concerned about the island’s main guardians being senior citizens, their magical horses, and a bunch of tiny servants we know might betray them 

Moving on I love you and your Rivers Cuomo ass haircut Mr Tansy

This Roblox ass smirk 😭😭😭

Layla’s so real for being disappointed with cataloging because I would kill myself before doing another assignment related to the Dewey decimal system

Layla you don’t want to do research either I’d kill myself before doing another assignment related to research too

I feel like everyone’s had a turn saying Ava 🙄 LMAO

Two dumb bitches telling each other exactlyyy ❤️

SHE DID THTE THING SHE DID THE ERM ACTUALLY UAND I SWEAR

We’re not correcting typos here I’m live blogging a kids’ show life is too undignified already

Omg they’re actually using the unicorns’ new powers

Grimoria just sitting there like 😭

Goddamn what’s the Winklewash stock market like

God save Ava from this suffering what did she do 😭 her friends pass around the spirit of (Evil) Evel Knievel like a hot potato

Ravenzella Pride Rock 😭

“I never expected Ravenzella to come from somewhere so pretty” @/skyberrypie your turn to explain why actually she could absolutely come from somewhere even prettier

These vines look so edible……

I feel like I never got to appreciate just how detailed the stables are like what do you mean each stall gets its own custom stained glass art

How long is that goddamn cruise #ComeBackMrsandMrsBanji2025

Mr Tansy I love you but like most male adults you are so stupid

Layla I love you but like most female teenagers you are so stupid. Like as a plant the freezing could change its chemical makeup 😭

Glacier :(

Where tf are Primrose and the dwerpins like is nobody noticing this……

Wildstar being dragged in someone’s shit again someone save her too 😭

Layla x Sparklebook is the only valid ship in anything ever ❤️

Guitarist Sophia… DJ Neigh Neigh… Beatboxer Ava… the band AU is coming together…

The world’s magic??

Ava 😭

LAYLA 😭

Someone call Samuel/the cowboy who used to ride Glacier get her OUT and get Layla in THERAPY for ANXIETY and OTHER REASONS TOO

Does Layla know that like every other scientist in history is the worst person ever

Does Mr Tansy have a bed 😭

Ravenzella crew return!!!

Italian Ravenzella canon?

Layla’s “Mum I frew up…” ass walk I love her

Girl don’t hold it up to her jail cell and its ridiculously thin bars

Layla is so cute when she’s dooming everyone to eternal magical death or whatever 🥰🥰🥰

Goddamn not this Hallmark ass scene you had your time now get twink dad off my screen 😭

And why is he still wearing that flannel like Sophia didn’t sit on it while, in turn, on horse shit for all the first episode. Please can we have some self respect

HER HAIR HASNT FADED….. What do the parents of the kids from non-rider families say about the dye jobs???

Ginger tea this old woman 😭

He dgaf about his other child for REAL 😭

Not the fairy tattling on Layla…..

They don’t even check whether the two kids at school follow curfew lmao

Layla just WALK use your LONG AS HELL LEGS to WALK

Mrs and Mrs Banji mentioned again 🌈🌈🌈

Oh now Primrose and the dwerpins gaf 😭

MR TANSY FIRST NAME REVEAL!

Mr Tansy stupid as hell. Just give him a pension and let him rest

I know that sounds like I hate him I don’t. Love you Theodore Tansy even if you’re stupid as hell ❤️

TaBADDIEtha 💜

Leaf the GOAT for real. Not for real because she’s a unicorn but you know

All the Grimorians are so hot…..

Sorry Glacier that was insensitive

Layla sad song NOW?

No not yet 💔

This hand choreography goes crazy

Ava not being able to pronounce Tabaditha she’s so real for that

Ava getting to yell at her friends for not asking for help should happen every season she deserves it ❤️

Everyone gets to cry in their specials we love an emotionally open cast. Waiting for Rory’s turn tho

That fairy just flopping 😭

Can Storm and Cinder just burn everything. We can move to the Bermuda babes it’s fine

Primrose now is not the time to show off your body even if it is admittedly entirely tea 

Them strutting in all at once with their smug smiles did they choreograph that 😭

Lowkey though if I were Layla and all my dorm mates came back to see how I nearly killed everything on our very special island and got dumped by my unicorn (sort of?? I mean Layla’s hair didn’t change) you would NOT see me again. Like I’m becoming stone and throwing myself to the bottom of the lake that shit’s worse than napping in the common room

Rory once again having the most normal reaction in the face of danger (see also Isaval flirting while a temple nearly crushed their friends to death)

Lord let this character development for Sophia be permanent 🙏

Ok actually it’s really embarrassing for Isabel if Glacier still likes Layla enough to keep the dye job and being unable to undo it isn’t just a consequence of her losing her magic 😭

Primrose call on the seniors wtf are you teaching them for 😭 

Omg it’s the other Mendoza child

Ok so we don’t have a backup magic generator love that for them

Love you old white man ❤️

LAYLA SAD SONG NOW!

YEAH!

GIRL HIT THE BOOKS STOP SINGING EVERYWHERE

SLIDING DOWN THE WALL EVEN ISABEL WASNT THIS DRAMATIC

AT LEAST ISABEL HAD A DREAM MONTAGE THAT SORT OF MADE SENSE LAYLA IS JUST WALKING

DONT VISIT YOUR SMELLY ASS ROOM

DONT SLEEP

Ok really I think this song was good enough and less robotic sounding but the fact it’s called Guiding Light and Sophia’s is called There’s A Light and Isabel’s is….. Better Than Two?? Ok sure whatever you say 

DAMN 😭

TaBADDIEtha 😍😍😍

LAYLA CAN YOU READ

This bitch don’t know nothing about the scientific method goddamn

“Blue is so not your colour” oh so blue is WHOSE colour 😚

CLOUD BOY 😭

GROSS TREE SQUID 

Valentina’s dialogue is genuinely such a delight omg

Not Ava basically having a daycare’s worth of baby unicorns attached to her now….. the next Sophiava divorce is going to end with Sophia getting her fuckass off sleeve sweaters ripped apart by their horns amen

Tabaditha’s intonation is just 😍

Ok I see you Walter Layla White

GUIDING LIGHT REPRISE!!!!!!

This video game ass battle

ISABEL MENTIONING BASKETBALL WHEN IVE BEEN WRITING A THEM PLAYING BASKETBALL FIC….. I CANT STOP WINNING

That loud ass gasp

LAYLA WITH POWERS!!!!!

Ok superhero landing

I feel like everyone’s said stay away from my friends at some point but hey. Layla doing an Akira slide on her knees idgaf about anything else

Valentina how I have missed your snark

Isabel how I have missed your corny one liners

Sophia’s taunt being rosebud to Rory’s walking cabbage…. girl stand up do you have a little brother to bully or not

LAYLA WALK FASTER

Whatever girl at least Glacier looks great

Oh right she could do that 😭

Ok that’s fun. Are they gonna burn her alive or

Well. Sort of! Good job a Queen hope you enjoyed ruining everyone’s summer vacation

Wait how tf did the kids get there without the boats. Did they row there like Danny. Did they hop on the cruise with Ava’s mums

WAIT AND WHY COULDNT PRIMROSE MAKE THE TEACHERS ROW THERE OR SEND THEM A BOAT OR SOMETHING JUST GIVE THEM OVERTIME PAY. UNDER THE FAIRY MOON CAUSING PLOT HOLES A WHOLE SEASON AFTER ITS RELEASE PLSSS 😭

Who’s laughing that hard at Rory getting a concussion. Love that for them tho

Layla FLETCHER ❤️

Girl stop talking to the dead you’re worse than Sophia

The end ❤️ 

In conclusion someone teach Layla breathing exercises and someone teach Primrose how consequences work bc wdym my girl has to do community service while Sophia who literally brought the evil island of evil magic containing tons of evil strangers back can just chill in California with her nuclear family. Love her for that tho ❤️