#its so fucked up that this is ok to do by most medical professionals

[tigersorange]

thinking about how ive medically transitioned twice because of being intersex (forced to take hormones at puberty onset bc i was going through the “wrong” puberty) and no one told me what I was being made to take were hormones that would physically change me in a way that i didn’t consent to

[3liza]

my attending left the hospital im at with my insurance so i met the new one yesterday and like the first thing she did was tell me some straight up wrong information which appeared to be either her receiving slightly wrong medical data after a game of doctor telephone or possibly just completely fucking up at reading a study herself.

i almost never am able to respond during appointments when a doctor does this to me because of course i cant track down the study while im on the zoom call, so in several cases now i have sent a mychart message and once an actual fax after the appointment, JUST to let a doctor know they told me some complete nonsense. and im always polite and professional about it, and im sure its annoying as hell and that they usually assume im wrong or crazy without actually checking their information, but the possibility that it will prevent the doctor repeating that misinformation to someone else makes me keep doing it, more or less compulsively.

me: my biggest acute medical problem is probably the chronic dehydration. i cant drink enough fluids to stay hydrated because of the gastroparesis, and if i try, the fluids come back up, causing GERD issues. sports drinks and pedialyte are very helpful, but expensive. homemade preparations require an amount of time and executive function investment i am having trouble keeping up with. what do you suggest

the doctor: theres new research that 50/50 apple juice and water is actually better at rehydrating people than pedialyte or sports drinks.

me: that doesnt sound right. apple juice has that much sodium in it?

the doctor: pedialyte actually has too much sodium in it and can cause additional dehydration :)

me: thats true for healthy patients b--(remembering im keeping it polite and upbeat because i cant antagonize someone who is about to refill my adderall) ok thats good to know thanks

sure enough, when i got home and repeated this to the discord and people actually started looking into it, the only study that came up about apple juice concluded that it was better at keeping medically normal children from getting dehydrated during gastroenteritis because apple juice tastey and kids will drink more of it voluntarily. apple juice has 7mg of sodium per 236mL. POTS patients can sometimes require up to 10 grams of sodium supplementation per day.

im unclear on why so many doctors assume the Healthy Test Subjects they have been reading so much about are going to turn up in their offices as patients for anything except yearly wellness exams. arent most of the people seeking medical attention for actual symptoms already suffering from various problems that by definition have fucked up their metabolic processes, nutritional requirements, how much sleep they need, how much exercise they tolerate, etc. this seems like less of a failure of medical education and more one of basic reasoning skills

[macabrecravings]

yes hello i heard you asked for harper propaganda so im coming to your rescue. i am assuming the gaslighting puts you off and I UNDERSTAND even for me it was an acquired taste but here are some of their charm points that i think people dont see at a glance

1. they love you. straight up they are infatuated with you. vrel has said that theyre kylar level obsessed they just happen to be more patient. vrel has also said that they for the most part dont treat other patients the way they treat pc and that they take every opportunity possible in their busy schedule to see them.

2. ik people see them as this insidious manipulator and yeah to some degree thats true but theyre such a fucking fail when you read between the lines. cums in their pants just from touching you. harper nobody is believing that having me kiss you is legitimate therapy and it doesnt help that youre LIKE 25 and do every medical/psychological profession under the sun what degree you have to have your staff hypnotized or something. blushes when you initiate anything. blushes when you have a big dick. virginity lines are shit like "say ahh" "please try to relax, im going to administer a suppository" "its time for your prostate exam" like ok buddy sure youre still trying to pretend to be professional while youre balls deep in my ass, just admit you have a roleplay kink

3. theyre so smug and its so fucking funny "nothing good on tv i take it" when you have your second pregnancy SHUT UP LMAO

4. their favoritism of pc is so blatant bc they dont give a flying fuck about ANYONE else. that scene where they have a random med student there to help examine you. the fact that theyve forgotten the students name,, who fucking cares theyre just there to feed harpers voyeurism kink now uh student. whatever your name is help me collect this cum out of pcs holes its for research i promise

ill spare you and stop myself here but ty for reading

omfg. asylumdweller themself coming to spread harper brainrot to me??? i’m honored….

Literally no better person to convince me than you LMFAOOO. WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT …… Okay yeah, yeah, the gears r turning I see the appeal now. 🤔

BAHAHAH. Harper, I’m sorry for not giving u a fair chance 😔 It’s my Whitney situation all over again … Hated them based off of the first ick I got. (Even though I clearly would enjoy their scenes and content if I didn’t judge a book by its cover PLSNDBDNF….)

Aw :( Love an obsessive, pathetic man. Fictional insidious manipulators are fun as fuck, look at my boy Cain <3 He’s the worst and I need him so carnally. Also, cringefail loser? I see… *nodding solemnly and taking notes*

“Nothing good on tv i take it?” IS FUNNY AS FUCK STOP IAIWJDNFBFN

THANK U FOR UR TIME AND EFFORT WRITING THIS!! /gen

i have much to think about ….

[aingeal98]

its me, still peeling cass like an onion. do you think cain had like, evil doctors on call? ig he probably handled most first aid himself, but like... the possibilities of an Evil Dentist enchants me. on a slightly more serious note, if they existed and they did any surgery on her, it was probably without sedatives or analgesics of any kind. reason 19468 why cass' pain sensitivity is stupidly fucked up

I love this ask so much. My first thought was like hmm maybe Cain blackmailed decent professionals into doing it because learning it all himself would be too much and evil people could try and double cross him. But honestly I think someone with a moral compass would always be more of a risk even if you're threatening their family like they could one day snap and try and take everyone down with them because the ethics just got too much for them to bear. So his best bet would probably be getting evil doctors and evil dentists who have zero morals and REALLY love their job. And Cain's like hey do you want a really fun test case where you'll be payed really well and can do literally whatever you want with your spare time as long as you don't damage this one girl permanently and I'm convinced it has a benefit? And you also have to use your medical knowledge to keep her healthy, but you can throw in as much pain as you want if that's what floats your boat.

Evil Dentist is a delightful thought. Most kids grew up with the tooth fairy. Cass grew up with a man in a lab coat who would collect her baby teeth for "experiments" and in return he helped deal with cavities and general oral hygiene. The first time her mouth went numb at the dentist she probably panicked so hard because wtf why are they drugging her? They're supposed to just fix her teeth! Where is the extreme agony and drilling? Where are the tests to see which nerves in her mouth can make her faint when forced to experience high levels of pain?

Cue Barbara and Bruce sitting outside in horrified silence contemplating this new aspect of her childhood they've just learned about. And the fact that there's a random dentist in Macau that may have her baby teeth and could be cloning her right now.

("We should fix that right? Cain probably killed him but we should track him down just in case?"

"She has a doctor's appointment right after this. Let's just try and get through that alive first.")

And if Cass isn't used to anesthetics, hospital visits and surgery must also be so annoying at first like OK I have shrapnel in my stomach. Get it out. Why do I have to be sleeping for this wouldn't it be much more helpful if I'm awake to make sure you're doing it right. Alfred stop feeling sorry for me this is a good thing. Makes me more competent.

Most of the time I think she probably wouldn't reference it too much because she's seen ordinary hospitals and how Leslie works in the clinic. She knows that her childhood medical treatment was uh... Not Normal. But sometimes it slips out when she's trying to be comforting.

Steph: My mom might have to get surgery to deal with her stomach acid problem and I can't lie, it scares me a little.

Cass: Don't worry. The stomach is messy and warm but it doesn't hurt that much when it's cut open. Not compared to legs and arms.

Steph:

Steph: You know what? I think I'm going to just go ahead and change the conversation topic

[manie-sans-delire-x]

If you can’t refute this then maybe it’s time to start considering your cause isn’t so righteous or beneficial to women after all https://www.instagram.com/reel/C1RvBf5I1kz/?igsh=dWJpYjVpOXRsOGti

Lmfao not a fucking Instagram reel of some random male talking about whats best for women (turns out thats not having rights! How convenient for men!) Wow an anti-feminist, anti-gay Muslim male how shocking and rare! But you cant expect logic from a theist.

You're right anon, this Insta reel will totally change my mind. What was I thinking?? Rights for women?? This 10 sec of this random scrotum talking has enlightened me over treating humans as humans. Snort.

Ah yes, feminism has hurt women by... *looks at list*

-giving women the following rights: voting, having their own bank account, being able to make their own medical decisions, being able to walk around without a male escort, being able to go into bars, being able to have their own job/make their own money/not rely on abusers, abortion rights, schooling and college, professional degrees, being able to wear pants and other clothing as they please, publish books under their own name, etc etc etc

-banning marital rape, banning child marriage, banning forced marriage (Ah yes feminism harms children by saving them from daily rape by a much older man. Feminism harms children by fighting for girls to be able to get an education.)

Children LOVE growing up seeing their mother and all women be oppressed and treated as less than human, and being told that they themselves do/will share the same fate. It makes them so happy and healthy!

Yes children with single parents typically are disadvantaged. Most single parents are single mothers, the only ones who stuck around and struggle everyday in poverty to provide for their kids while the single fathers abandoned them. So MAYBE, just MAYBE, my brainless anon, its not people having rights thats the fucking problem. Maybe its the poverty. Maybe having a father in the picture will help the children. You ever think of that? You ever think? At all?

Ok I refuted it. Easy. Next moron come on up.

[dead-dog-dont-eat]

ok, since you seem to be an active shipping member of the crujo/kuphulu/viktor polycule, do u have any hcs for the goth boyfriends?

Anon, ty so much for noticing me in my shipping obsessions, ily (platonically) but yes! I do! Its mostly just general stuff abt their relationship--but I'll throw in some non-relationship stuff.

-for starters, kuphulu is DEFINITELY the only person in the triad that is trans (ftm + definitely not binary for sure) and not amab; viktor is cis and crüjo is a libramasc but cis person as well--both are binary

-viktor and kuphulu were in the relationship first before crujo came into the mix--I kinda have a hc that they (Vik and Kuphulu) began to date when they were younger and before they were hired by Zs'Skayr to be henchmen but kept it a secret. And when they were in their job they met crujo and then they became a triad

-there's a 10 to 20 year age gap, but all of them are adults; crujo is in his 30s (youngest), kuphulu is in his 40s (middle-aged), and viktor is in his 50s (oldest). I wanna say that when viktor first appeared in the series "The Return" (OG b10) he would've been in his late 40s imo

-all three of them are neither allistic nor neurotypical; viktor is neurodivergent in some ways, crujo is an energetic ADHD werewolf, and kuphulu is auDHD (autism + adhd) with depression, insomnia, bpd and avpd (I, myself, don't have adhd; but I am mostly self-projecting my personality disorders, autism, and insomnia on this man)

-continuing above, crujo and viktor had early diagnoses before puberty (medical), while kuphulu was late. One of my hcs is that viktor grew up in a family from both sides of his parents that were involved in science in some way (whether medical, in the field in general, biology, geographical, etc) and he has a uncle from his late mom's side in the medical science field who is also a psychiatrist and a diagnostician who helped his nephew (viktor) being professionally diagnosed with neurodivergency. His uncle also helped Kuphulu getting a proper ADHD/autism and borderline + avoidant personality diagnosis in his early 30s cuz kuphulu once tried to get one at Anur Khufos and had a bad experience.

-drilling more in kuphulu's neurodivergence: he is definitely a night owl due to his insomnia, and therefore has a TERRIBLE sleep schedule and has to rely on tea remedies and melatonin to get a proper 8 hours; the tendrils on his back fluttering is most likely a stim from his autism/ADHD--including having a problem with voice modulation, which I got inspired from this post by @/kuphulwho; going back to Omniverse, it mentions he collects artifacts--this is more likely a hyperfixation and obsession from his autism and BPD since he probably has a special interest in them--additionally, he also has anger issues from BPD as well (since I, myself, would get swings from my borderline personality disorder at times); I would also like to highlight on his Cluster C disorder (AvPD) where as he doesn't go out in public too often, very introverted, and very much just like to stay inside and do his hobbies.

-another thing I love about their relationship? Fucking the SIZE DIFFERENCE. Viktor and Crujo are SO FUCKING HUGE and TALL, and Kuphulu is canonically a short king 💞. Like, both Viktor and Crujo are the same size while Kuphulu isn't past their shoulders (see the two images below for evidence) I would imagine that they share a bed for three people and Kuphulu would sleep in the middle as a certified little spoon bc even if he did sleep on the left or right he would fall over lol

-kuphulu and viktor are DEFINITELY wife and husband material (in that order) while crujo is mostly just werewolf boyfriend material. Like saying before about kuphulu's insomnia, he would've stayed up all night and therefore is a late sleeper in the morning while viktor and crujo are early risers. And when kuphulu eventually wakes up there's coffee already brewed for him. Additionally, kuphulu is a great baker (to which he got that skill from his maternal uncle and paternal aunt while growing up/living with them). Crujo can't cook for shit, lol, but he's decent at doing laundry.

-since kuphulu's VA is the same guy that did Herbert West from Re-Animator (aka Jeffery Combs), I would imagine he has the same knowledge as Dr. West himself. In fact, in the scrapped storyboard scene of "The Vampire Strikes Back", it was shown he has a knowledge for Vladats and knows them extremely well (image below for provided evidence). I would like to think he was an early grad in high school who was a major in History, Math and Science; possibly be like some sort of historian along with being like a really smart mortician who has a astonished knowledge in history (hence mystical artifacts) and medical science. Viktor is already a scientist (possibly a Professional college graduate degree/diploma in Science, Mechanical/Engineering, Math), but I would imagine he let's kuphulu help him with specimens and chemicals. Crujo would probably just finished high school and work with mechanics.

This is all I have anon. Thanks 4 asking!

[magpigment]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR GENLOSS EPISODE: THE MASTERMIND OF THE WAREHOUSE

my thoughts and some theories as i was watching the second part of generation loss! not really analysis just my reactions to it as i watched lmao. enjoy!

is ranboo chained to a chair

why is ranboo chained to a chair

why is the volume so high on my computer

that’s a conveniently placed key

okay ominous tv man

oh wait it’s jerma lmao

my friend who’s obsessed w jerma told me about this episode lately

‘the amount of chains on there would hold every single bicycle. for a million years’ i’ve been sold on this jerma guy

NO NOT THE BUCKET ( <—- obligatory homestuck reference) 

ranboo just cannot get a break wow

..it does not seem as though ranboo COULD HANDLE a ‘little bit of juice’ 

‘ranboo you alright??’ no i don’t think they are actually now that you mention it

i like how everybody in the poll is immediately going for the middle one 😂 

win! the person who has you trapped in a sick series of death obstacles for their own sick amusement wants to make sure you’re doing ok after accidentally knocking you out via high volts of electricity administered directly to your brain! 

bit confused about the bundle of wires dangling from their neck ngl 

‘ there’s a one in ten thousand chance of that happening and it did?!’ what can i say, homeslice has the power of PLOT ARMOR on his side! 

why is squiggles upset at ranboo actually picking the right key???? 

‘i love rats! 🥰’ based, squiggles. based

wow i didn’t know the back rooms were part of this place /j

oop hello random person on the gurney

i stg if that’s charlie- ITS FUCKING CHARLIE

his feet are for sure fake are they gonna have to remove his foot or something

oh most of his body is fake i see. ranboo is gonna do surgery on charlie

that’s fun 😅 

ranboo is a licensed medical professional im sure this will be fine /j

i like how the totally real feet that are totally a part of charlie’s actual human body has toenails that are painted red. yassss bitch slayyyy- oh wait, *checks notes* oh, GET slayedddsdddd yasssss 😂 

‘what is this, invisalign??? whatre u doin down there????’ never change, charlie. never change

also this california surfer dude is about to get absolutely fucking eviscerated perchance. i feel like that’s where this is going. 

‘so that’s why they call him slimecicle! ^^’ shut ur WHORE MOUTH SQUIGGLES /j

fr tho why are his insides literally goop tho

oh that was harrowing. ok so when the static interference happens whatever mind control is happening to make everything seem like. fine ish is removed and it’s like even more horrific?? 

also i see why they made his insides are green slime, so when they do the color reversal it looks red so it looks like human bits and then they crank the saturation up on that a bit so that it’s a brighter red or something??? ooooh that’s so cool i’m loving this 

‘ermmm. what just happened?’ you and me both squiggles. 

ok genuinely what the hell is charlie even saying right now. like what the actual fuck 😂 

are these camera people dressed up as rats cuz if so that’s both very funny and also that would suck to have to film in, they’re doing a great job 

‘how many hot wheels did you swallow???’ 

‘vrooom :D’ 

‘..ok dude’ 

‘they call me lightning mcEAT ^u^’ 

I KNEW THE BIT WAS GOING TO BE THAT HE DIDNT EVEN NEED TO CUT CHARLIE OPEN I COULD SMELL IT IN THE AIR THAT IS SO FUNNY

‘what a gushy gooshy guy’ facts and truth from squiggles in the corner 

why does charlie have a toilet tattoo 😂 

wowwww NOW you get cold feet ranboo XD. ‘but it’s so gross 😖’ homeslice you just fully eviscerated a man. you were elbows deep into a guys ABDOMEN. a toilet is leaps and bounds better than a full on HUMAN(?) BEING 

even squiggles commented on the toenails 

why is eef here 

and also the love or host guy

and also like the other people. 

why is sneeg and also frank back????

lmao jermas tv is broken L

oop squiggles is not happy about the broken tv

what is he doing XD

short king jerma 

why is jermas cane so bendy 

‘i hope slimecicle is ok’ me too, squiggles. me too

wow ethan is really giving this his all. turner my beloved

why is charlie offering to be ethan’s fish

i really like the little idle animations for squiggles ngl. they’re very expressive 

austin shows, ‘I LOVE WOMEN.’ ‘lying is not going to save you’ way to haul his ass out of the closet /j (also yes i’m aware austin isn’t straight) 

slimecicle, laying there completely fucking disemboweled, ‘i’m feeling something funny, kinda rumbly, some sort of discomfort?? if i could just get someone to check that out..’ 

austin in the background talking about his very real very heterosexual relationship 

why did charlie have a whole ass baseball hat in his stomach

OH THAT WAS SNEEGSNAGS HAT

WHY WAS THAT IN THERE AND WHY IS SQUIGGLES SO UPSET ABOUT IT ??????

i stg if everyone votes to save frank 😂 

was that sneegs hat actually?? i’m p sure it was 

sneeg is just having a crisis over this fucking hat dude 

there is definitely something happening and that was definitely sneegs hat before 

i’m only 30 minutes into this how has so much happened so far

i like how sneegs first thing he does upon regaining awareness of the full extant of the situation he’s in is immediately lie about having to take a dump that would produce gases banned by the geneva convention in order to get away for a second. he’s for sure going rogue dude can’t wait to see what you’re able to do before it all goes to hell again 

squiggle is absolutely flabbergasted 

OH NIHACHU!! hell yeah

nvm sneeg like immediately got caught 

oop

that’s not ominous or foreboding at all. don’t mind him he’s just getting reprogrammed real quick lmao

THEY TURNED HIS HAT AROUND 😂 

i’m relatively confused 

did they put nihachus mic under her hat or something 

her audio is a little wonky 

ok so only one person for sure survives 

i can almost guarantee either sneeg or frank is gonna be the one picked to survive ngl

i love charlie’s little background contributions 

ok nvm two of them survive 

also yeah i agree how is charlie even still alive in canon. most of his organs are just not in his body

oh niki won??? nice 

is niki like ok lmao

she is a very good actress because she seems both genuinely incredibly afraid and incredibly suspicious 

niki and sneeg hell yeah 

why’d he bitch slap frank 😂 

squiggles is not happy with that and neither is charlie

JERMA IS CALLED THE PUZZLER??? LMAO 😂 

why is charlie making a callback to the goddamn fussy bit from that one tommyinnit morph mod video

what the hell is charlie doing 

why is he strewing his entrails everywhere 😭 

i am so incredibly suspicious of niki and idk why

the VIBES? are OFF. 

ok i’m going to sleep and finishing this tomorrow and i am fully expecting my dreams to be super fucked up because of this but that’s fine. i’m at the 55:42 minute mark ^^ if my dreams are interesting/relevant i might leave a little note detailing it but probably not lmao (editors note: my dreams were weird but not really relevant, so. yeah)

why does squiggles want them all to lick the walls so bad

i’ve never even heard of the board game mouse trap in my life 

is this like an actual board game??? why is it so convoluted???? 

i like how sneeg just started eating the candy around

squiggles is speaking in some sort of code or something so like. that’s cool???

i like how everyone just started bullying the puzzler XD

oh so that’s why squiggle is speaking in code ig, cuz that’s what the instructions are written in. that’s really funny actually 

squiggles is straight up speaking in the same code or whatever the instructions are written in. is that able to be translated??? has anyone translated that yet??? 

i kinda wanna see if i’d be able to translate it but idk the first thing about ciphers and idek what that arrangement of symbols would be called. is it just straight up wing dings?? who knows! not me! 

imma go see if it’s wing dings actually gimme a sec 

IT IS WINGDINGS

bet if i translate this it’s gonna be just inane bullshit lmao

i have given up trying to translate this, if anyone’s interesting this is at about 1:03-5:04 of something, i’m too tired for this 😂 

on the plus side squiggles is now talking in not wing dings so that’s cool

IS THE MISSING PIECE GONNA BE IN CHARLIE LMAO

OH DUDE THATS SICK THATS SO FUNNY

ok so it USED to be in charlie but it is no longer! it was one of the first bits that ranboo kindly extracted very carefully from charlie’s gaping torso ^^

the rock candy is made from actual rocks??? ok squiggles

why is sneeg just eating random shit around the room 😂 

not the candy :((

also i’m eating cantaloupe btw. if you even care 😒 /j

DID HE JUST SHOOT NIKI????

😂 bruhhhh

welp. at least he put her out of her misery???

what is this emphasis on ranboo kicking the bucket in reference to the game. i feel like this is foreshadowing 

they probably did it! why is he celebrating the fact they beat his trap lol

oh where the hell are they

why are there deadly lasers

WHY WAS SNEEG GOING TO TOUCH THE LASER 😂 

the way his wrist got smacked away from the lasers so promptly 

please don’t throw this man

wow

oop

well his face is smooshed lmao

i like the comical way that guy just got fucking murdered via anvil to the face

‘i guess those ones didn’t count 🤷‍♂️’ lmao

SLIMECICLE?! 

‘oh my gosh it’s slimetowel!!’ based squiggles. based

welp. bye slimetowel, you lived as you died. shortly 

the lasers are gone! 

sneeg is fully just brushing off the like two dead bodies rn

welp. they got out of there 😂 

jerma can fly that’s crazy

i like how everyone instead of getting blown up is getting the chance to participate and then comically getting killed in other, miscellaneous ways. 

hey uhhh squiggles, buddy ol pal, you doin ok over there?? 

‘ranboo..’ ‘yes😊?’ 

oh wow everyone is in the closet that’s crazy /j

the rats are poggers also BTW 

i miss charlie already 😔

‘sometimes you need a change in perspective’ do they need to use the mirror to solve the puzzle. i doubt that’s what they have to do but if it is i’m so poggers and awesome and that is REAL and TRUE

jerma just go thru the door sideways bestie 

jerma was indeed talking about his ass for a weird amount of time lmao

‘is this a hookah??’ just hearing eef say this in the background sent me

why is sneeg messing w alphabet magnets 

‘slayyyyy king!’ i like how squiggles is just stanning ethan putting on a purple wig. based

the wig ethan’s wearing and the color of dress he chose coupled w his entirely purple outfit is clashing horribly oh god

also squiggles is right the audio keeps getting funky cuz of all the fabric on the microphones 😂 

i like sneegs bright yellow boa scarf 

the heels actually look p cool austin 

how many layers is ranboo wearing???

where did ranboos jacket go?? 

oh i think it’s on the red chair 

i don’t think those heels are the right size for austin i’ll be honest 

sneegs outfit is really something 

for the record i have absolutely no clue what’s happening rn

why is everyone voting for ethan in terms of most stylish 

i do not think they did it, guys

i actually really like austin’s orange pants but i think that’s just because i like cargo pants and also orange so like. maybe i’m biased 😂 

why is ethan walking like that

oh ranboo literally just put two different jackets over his showfall jacket and then just took one off, they’re still wearing the showfall jacket underneath XD

‘it says that we should go there, but i feel like that’s a trap :D ‘ 

also there was a button that sets off a black light which is what reveals the clues, not the mirror

oooo nice fit change 😂

‘NOT HIS CHILDREN AND WIVE’ why is squiggles actually kinda funny ngl. like i don’t trust them as far as i can throw them but sometimes they’re based 

ok bits aside the fact that ranboo and sneeg are so far mostly unaffected by the copious amounts of dead people and dying people and horrific threats of violence and whatnot is almost certainly some sort of mindcontrol or something by showfall. like. that’s not even really a question in my mind that’s irrefutable fact at this point. especially with the whole thing earlier with sneeg?? and the occasional interference from the hacker or whatever or the instances where something happens that’s not meant to and the illusion breaks?? like mannn this is so cool. 

LMAO THE COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY DEATH OF EEF AND THEN IMMEDIATELY LEAVING TO THE NEXT PART OF THE PUZZLE

BRUH

that’s so funny 

also the meta of finding this funny because it’s all silly and goofy and framed as a joke falling into line w the entire thing being set up like that to keep people from thinking about the horrific things that are actually happening in order for this entertainment and then how that parallels real life in the entertainment industry? yikes 

anyway onto the silly goofies tee hee 

is jerma just smoking a cigar 

did jerma just drop the bomb button. is austin about to fucking die 

what even happened hello ??

jerma really likes his cardboard what can i say

ranboo just solving the rubik’s cube without looking at it lmao

i’m honestly surprised there hasn’t been more gore in this so far, i was honestly expecting this to be a lot more graphic than this but that’s kinda dumb of me i think, i didn’t realize this was streamed on twitch at some point lol

i’m fully expecting austin to die ngl

push the button push the button push the button

nvm squiggles said to push it i don’t think they should push it

‘we shouldn’t push the button it’s got dynamite sitting in front of it’ ‘…*moved the dynamite to a shelf right next to it* looks safe to me :D ‘

yeah austin is dying lmao

‘only one person would fit in this silhouette’ *ranboo, standing there like a foot taller than it* 

well those people are dead oop

why’s that chair all fucked up lmao

it sure is just. focusing on that chair for a while, huh

oh hey ranboo in the background lmao

ranboo is on the set this is not a drill 

this sure is a funky little room huh

wow look at that four minutes set up XD

is that torn up showfall merch on the ground around the chair?? 

why did the puzzler leave a message TO RANBOO in the case he died??? hello?? 

why are there so many boxes inside boxes lmao

‘the truth will set you free’ genuinely what side is the puzzler even on here 

squiggles is not happy about hacker guy being here again 

i’m noticing whenever the hacker guy shows up or interferes or whatever is when ranboo seems actually distraught and confused and scared, most likely because whatever tie showfall has on him is weakened?? idk but it’s super cool

also squiggles commentary is. intriguing 

ohhhh ranboo can actually see the fourth wall now?? or at least the people filming who represent the fourth wall/ the audience?? 

woahhhhhhhh this is so cool

the backing track there fits the atmosphere so well!! 

that’s such a neat place to end it on holy shit lmao

[spicysugar019]

Nothings working. Texted a hotline and they responded with complete cookie cutter responses what sounded like the did a quick copy paste and changed a few words to match my responses, honestly had me questioning if it was a bot. Called a hotline. Bottom line they told me "well even though you've had horrible experiences with that facility before, you should go back there when you're really vulnerable because honestly I can't think of anything to help you out other than that and get a job". Ok cool. Thank you. I already know I need a job??? I litterally JUST told you how fed up I am with actual medical professionals telling me that I'm basically a lost cause and you go and say "well idk what to tell you except get a job". Mkay cool. Also that facility will JUST send me to a mental hospital right now, I know from experience. I'll tell them I feel like death is a good option and they'll just send me right away to a 3 day stay minimum inpatient place. You know, the place I can't afford cause I don't have a job? At some point, the financial burden does outweigh the physical danger cause the financial burden CAN AND WILL put me in a worse mental state. They'll send me there OR what they actually will do is send me to the HOSPITAL to the OBSERVATION UNIT with people litterally trying to scratch their own eyes out muttering the whole time. And I'll stay there for the whole weekend. And I'll spend another Christmas day locked up in grippy sock jail because they're going to suddenly put me on 5 meds at once which will HURT my mental state. This is the place that put me on fucking 300mg of welbutrin and FUCKING 180MG OF DULOXITINE in the same week : ) if you don't know, the max dose of duloxitine is 120. Oh and those meds have dangerous interactions if you're ever on them at around the same time, let alone put on high doses on the same week. Also I have an eating disorder, obviously, and welbutrin is not only dangerous to me because it causes weight gain, but severely dangerous to me because if I purge while on welbutrin, WHICH I DID DO, I am put at a very very high risk of having a seizure. They put me on those, as well as ambien, all at the 💫same fucking time💫

That's the place they're going to send me to, or worse yet, the nearby institution. When I say nearby I'm saying 3 hours away. I've only heard horror stories. And they've talked about it before because of just how "bad and persistent" my depression and insomnia are. I'm honestly fucking TERRIFIED. I HAVE NIGHTMARE ABOUT JUST THE OBSERVATION UNIT. They did not care AT the fuck ALL.

Also not only all of this but my partner is in such a bad mental place currently, I'm afraid if I go to a mental hospital right now for a few days, I won't have someone to come back to. Not because they'll dump me or anything, but because they'll do exactly what I would be trying to avoid by going to the hospital.

I'm honestly just so disappointed and so disgruntled by the state of mental health services right now, but also HELP ME. HELP ME, THIS IS MY SECCOND DAY IN A ROW OF NO SLEEP. HELP ME, IM HAVING INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS OF KNIVES AND PILLS. HELP ME, I AM CRYING OUT FOR HELP AND ITS LIKE NO ONE CAN HEAR ME. ITS LIKE MY WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS. LIKE I SPEAK AND YOURE HEARING SOMETHING IM NOT SAYING. AT ALL. I haven't replied "I'm fine!" To a text even from random strangers in. Like several months now? Most positive I get is "well im dealing with a lot right now honestly, but it could be worse! How are you?" And then they just delve into their deepest darkest secrets and experiences without a second Glace at me. They're in the driver's seat, spewing anything they can about themselves while I sit in the passengers seat sobbing, and they don't even notice. In the past month alone I have been gaslit profusely. I have been manipulated by people I thought were close friends and family such as my mother. I have been told backhanded comments about how, "well you never get me anything, you never pay for my food, so why should I pay for yours? Just kidding haha I'm just laughing, making light, don't be so dramatic!" Maybe I don't pay for your things because you have thousands in savings and I have 70 cents in my checking? Maybe because to stay afloat mentally my partner and I have been going in and out of manic states buying a shit load of random ass shit and going further into debt, and then to stay afloat financially we need to not do those things, EVER. So we just can't financially sustain ourselves, and we can't move back in with our parents cause I gave this post a sneak peek at my parents, a little glimpse. Now take that and expand it 10 times over and you'll get my partners parents.

So yeah. Excuse me for being upset with how you handled that call. The NSH just told me "well I guess get a therapist and get a job!"

I have a therapist. She canceled all our standing appointments because i no-showed but yall never reminded me in any of the ways i provided by calling, texting, emailing, anything. Put that alongside i have severe memory issues and boom, im gonna miss some appointments.

I can't get a job. I'm trying. Sorry if you think I'm not. Sorry if Mr laughing about wanting to die made you think I was part of some God awful prank call or something. Truely, that's what it felt like she treated me as. She helped me on such a complete superficial, cookie-cutter way that felt like "I don't want to come off as an asshole, but this sounds like a prank caller, so im just gonna give basic information and then leave even though he told me about his other attempts and self harm tendencies. I think it's a ploy."

And when I said I had financial struggles because I am POOR poor, and my family has money and won't fucking help AT all, she laughed at me. I know she did. I heard it for a split seccond before she muted her mic. I was like "oh what was that? Hello?... uh hello?" Before she responded again. As if it was like "oh nooo, boo hoo, your family won't give you the right color of convertible." Nah. Nope. My family won't help me with 5$ of gas money just to be able to drive home. To be able to drive from the gas station all the way back to my house. They won't help me with a dollar to pick up a Gatorade for my partner because fun fact, they have POTS, and Gatorades help immensely durring episodes. The wouldn't give me ONE DOLLAR to get them a Gatorade when they were in the middle of an episode.

I'm at the point where being in my room makes me want to kill myself.

I have spent 3 total nights this week completely awake the entire night, two of them right in a row, the last of which being tonight.

I'm tired.

Just let me sleep.

[noctomania]

Relationship to Food

Many of us can relate to it being complicated. Some self imposed, some imposed by circumstances, perhaps even a blend. On top of that how people will turn it into something personal if you don't respond to or relate to food the way they expect you to.

I had to kind of chastise my friend when I visited bc he tried to joke about my limited pallet and the kids menu. I said I wish they didn't label it that way because some people legitimately cannot eat anything else on the menu and it's kind of humiliating even to those who are most confident.

Perhaps you have a combination of issues and/or preferences? Perhaps a celiac vegan, or you have sensory issues and allergies to peanuts and shell fish? How does it hurt you how I maintain my diet? It's complicated as is in house, I don't need neighbor's input further complicating it with societal expectations.

Besides all that there is NO WAY to make everyone else happy AND keep yourself happy on this topic. Someone is always going to have a problem. If you choose to listen to any of them you might not eat at all! The only people who get any input on my food intake are medical professionals and even then I remain skeptical and need to know the reasoning (its thus far only ever been for prep for surgery). And if I want proper input that is the kind of advice I would seek, not friends or family or strangers online.

It gets under my skin so bad when people involve themselves with others diet. It's part of why i have such disdain for pushy veganazis (my friend is vegan so i can say it also idgaf some yall unjustly act like serious terrors sometimes).

Don't tell me what to eat or not to eat.

Don't touch my food.

Don't force me to eat something.

I am pretty confident I have some level of trauma around food both from food insecurity as well as from being forced to gag on food to appease others (parents). It wasn't often or many times but it was enough times. God help you if you try to put black eyed peas in front of me I might get violent at the sight because that was a yearly fucking SUPERSTITIOUS THING. I felt so fucking insane that I sat there with everyone at the table staring at me forcing me to "just eat one! Just one for good luck then we will leave you alone!" HOW ABOUT YOU JUST LET ME EAT WHAT I WANT YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATHS. Who does that?!?!??!?! YEARLY?!?

It's not ok. Especially with children one because they are so impressionable it can have terrible impact but also two because they may grow out of it and third because even if they don't grow out of it you should be willing and become able to help them not hurt them. Teach them to cook the things they do like so they can always have it even if you need to cook something else or give them recipe books and teach them how to adapt recipes to fit their limitations. It wasn't until I was in my late 20s i think that i realized how much i could change. it's extra work but it's worth it to feel that empowerment.

I think I've kind of dealt with ED all my life in a way, never was it meant as an active choice. When I was a kid I barely ate bc I think of anxiety reduced appetite and there was some food insecurity at mom's house. When I got into my teens and moved to dad's I had more consistent food access but my diet was already so fucked up from about a decade of not being able to eat breakfast, which led to usually not eating much more than a bag of chips all day until the evening in high school. Then I would end up essentially crashing, going home, and binging. Nobody said nothing, i just became known as pudge. The timing was such that I guess they just assumed it was puberty making me suddenly fat when i had been a twig all my childhood. Then i tried to become a vegetarian on top of everything else. I'm surprised I lived through freshman year of college, but it was primarily because i was ignorant about how to be vegetarian so I was pretty much living off caesar salads until i realized they had anchovies in the dressing then I gave up bc wtf lol

Im still working on my relationship with food which is now complicated by being nocturnal for work. so. this is a very touchy subject for people like me. You're lil "harmless" comment about the "kids" menu and "chicken nuggies" might end up being the fucking last straw so just keep it to yourself. And no, you eating all the time because you are hypoglycemic does not mean you relate to me - this isn't about you (this is a targeted comment towards a specific person i know, im not referring to everyone who is hypoglycemic just fyi!!).

[sofarsogoodsowhat]

Hewwo anon here I heard you want some asks, hope you're alright

HI thank u 🥺 im doing ok but ive also had two and a half redbulls tonight and my adhd medication makes my insomnia worse so im either not going to sleep at all or im gonna crash within half an hour. its 4;35am here

[trans-axolotl]

hey ive only recently learned that antipsychiatry is a thing and im trying to learn more about it. i came across your psych ward post and i totally see your point. and im trying to think about what could be done differently. for example a couple years ago my friend had drug induced psychosis and his friends brought him to a hospital where he then had to stay in the psych ward. especially in the beginning i could tell he hated it there. but at the same time he was having delusions. and unfortunately i just dont know what else couldve been done in that situation to help him. do you think theres a better way to deal with that kind of situation? or would it only be possible to deal with it differently in a totally different world? i hope its ok to ask u this question im just interested in ppls perspective who have personal experience w this

hey, anon! thanks for the ask.

I think it can be really difficult at first to imagine what alternatives to psych wards are when psych wards are all we've ever known. It can feel like the options are psych wards or no mental healthcare at all, which really sucks! But I firmly believe that there are other options, and in fact there are people creating those in the world right now. My answer might get a little long, but I'm going to try to organize my thoughts!

Replacing psych wards is definitely a big task, and is one that requires fundamentally reshaping the entire psychiatric system. Right now, so much of mental healthcare is really entwined with the restrictive, carceral, and oppressive systems of government. Whether it's the fact that most crisis hotlines call the police, that therapists have mandatory reporting laws around self-harm, or incredibly restrictive medication laws that make it difficult for people to actually get the meds they need, almost every area of professionalized mental health is connected to this fucked up structure. Lots of different parts of the mental health care system work together to perpetuate psychiatric incarceration, so it's not just psych wards that are the problem.

Another factor that feels important to me when talking about getting rid of psych wards is addressing some of the factors that push people into psych wards in the first place. There are always going to be mentally ill/mad/neurodivergent people and there are always going to be people in crisis, but I think that if our mental healthcare system wasn't so fucked, that maybe some people would be able to get help before things get to a crisis point for them. If medication was more accessible, if therapy wasn't super expensive, if there is more acceptance and education and resources and communities were better informed about how to support mentally ill people, then maybe not as many people would end up in some types of crisis. We can't talk about getting rid of psych wards without also talking about fighting against racism, colonialism, capitalism, transphobia--the things that are contributing to a lot of people's experiences of crisis.

In terms of actual physical replacements for psych wards, something that I think is really promising is peer respite houses. Basically, peer respite houses offer 24/7 crisis stabilization, staffed by people with lived experiences of mental health. They differ from psych wards in that they are not locked spaces, they are usually in a home-like environment, they are not focused on psychiatric diagnoses, and there's a large focus on trying to eliminate power imbalances between staff and residents. Here's a great link to read more about the mission and structure of peer respite. Here's a link to a mostly current directory of peer respite in the USA. I think peer respite is pretty awesome, and that's definitely something that's on my personal crisis plan for when I get to a crisis point where I cannot stay safe living on my own.

Realistically, psych wards don't really provide treatment, don't really work for many people, and are not really places that you go for healing. When you're at a psych ward, you aren't getting tailored therapy, you often only see a psychiatrist for fifteen minutes once or twice a week, and the stated goal really isn't on healing or treatment. It's on crisis stabilization to get you to a point where you are no longer at risk of harming yourself. And I think peer respite can do crisis stabilization so much more effectively, without locking up people, without giving them huge medical bills, without restraining people or drugging them without consent. There's a lot of peer respites that are connected to outpatient treatments and get people set up with therapy and medication if that's what they need.

I can't really speak to what would or wouldn't have worked for your friend, but I fundamentally believe that mentally ill/mad people deserve the right to our autonomy, and deserve our consent to be respected. It can and does get tricky in cases when people are harming themselves, delusional, or incoherent. However, as someone who has experienced all of those things, that is still not an excuse to just take away people's ability to consent and to lock people up. There are ways to support people who are refusing treatment, don't think there is a problem, or are unable to express their wishes. I could go on about that specific topic for a lot longer haha, but I'm just going to end with the fact that although it can seem like psych wards are the only option, there actually are a lot of people creating community resources as alternatives to psychiatry! We are working on building the different world that we want to see, and even though we are definitely not even close to there yet, there really are so many cool things that people are already doing to support each other.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

hello. i don't know where to ask this so maybe you can give me ideas. i been feeling like i'm stuck in this black hole and i can't see myself out of it. i'm constantly tired from work, the minute im done i want to sleep. i dont have time for myself. i dont like myself right now. my mental and physical health are shit. i desperately want to change that but idk how? i feel like maybe working out would make me feel better but i dont have the energy... i barely have energy typing this out. these days im just extremely exhausted and it might be the depression im guessing. its getting worse. ppl keep hitting me up asking if im ok but im too exhausted to answer or care to. i dont feel like anyone understands me even if i did explain how i crave looking for something new to fixate over so i dont feel as empty as i do now 😞 i feel like im not even me.

honey, you just typed out "i have severe depression" but with more steps.

everything you just said is classic signs of depression. all of it. now, it's certainly possible that there's some other disorder going on here that's causing depression along with the fatigue, seeing as how "fatigue and depression" are symptoms of all sorts of illnesses - such as chronic fatigue syndrome and hypothyroidism. but if you're not having other noticeable physical symptoms, we're going to set aside that possibility for now.

depression absolutely causes serious exhaustion, it causes you to feel isolated and like people don't like or love you, even if you intellectually know they do, it makes you feel bored and restless as you're unable to focus or find enjoyment in the things you used to love doing, it makes you abandon all your old interests to just lie in bed every minute you possibly can, it makes you hate yourself because you don't want to live like this, why can't you just fucking get up you useless shit, and maybe you wouldn't actually kill yourself but wouldn't it just be such a relief if you didn't have to be alive anymore?

yeah, that's depression.

depression also does its damnedest to convince you that no one could ever possibly understand, no one wants to hear about your stupid problems, people would laugh at you if you told them because you don't have any good reason to be depressed, it would be a catastrophic disaster if you told people how you feel.

depression lies.

you have a real, serious problem caused by a real disorder in your brain chemistry, and it's not your fault that you feel like this. you are not exhausted and miserable because of anything you've done wrong, or anything you haven't done that you 'should' have. and, maybe the most important thing i can say to you: you can't fix this by just trying harder.

a person with a broken leg can't 'try harder' to walk normally, right? they need medical attention and outside support to heal back to a place where they can function normally. you have a metaphorical broken bone in your brain, and it is completely natural and okay that you need attention and support to recover.

since i don't know where you live or what level of medical care you have access to, i can't give you step-by-step instructions, but i genuinely believe that it's crucial for you to do everything you can to reach out to a mental health professional and ask for some help. i very strongly believe that you should consider trying antidepressants, even if you've tried them before and found that they didn't work, because it's quite common for someone to need to try different medications to find the right one.

there is no shame in taking medication. i take multiple medications, including an antidepressant. i would, quite frankly, take anything that pulls me out of the black hole and allows me to feel like me again, which is what the right antidepressant can do for you. it's not a miracle cure and it's not a sign of weakness, it's just a tool that helps you feel capable of living again.

i'm going to link you some of my tags here that will give you a lot more advice and guides on what to do next.

depression

therapy resources

going to therapy

mental illness resources

how to talk about it

i know this is a lot, but i hope it gives you a place to start, sweetie. this is really fucking difficult, but you can talk to someone and ask for help. there are people who care about you, no matter what your brain says, and they want you to have the help you need, they want you to not be miserable. even if they can't understand exactly what you feel, they care. don't listen to that lying bullshit in your brain, okay?

you are loved, and you deserve the help you need.

[swiftiesimonriley]

jealous din djarin x f! reader ft. cobb vanth

thank you so much to the anon for the request!! just a warning there is some light nsfw content ahead:

ok so this takes place at the start of season 2

lets say you've been part of the “crew” of the razor crest for a few months, serving as both a medic and a translator - not that din can’t translate for himself - but it serves as an added bonus!

you had been invited to join the crew after din gets injured on the hunt for a bounty in a backwater cantina on the planet you lived on

before din could get the binders on the bail jumper, he was able to stab din in one of the only places not protected by his coveted beskar - sending the seasoned mandalorian to the floor with a deep wound in his inner thigh

you just happened to be getting a drink in the cantina that night after your shift at the local medcenter

you had heard from the village elders the stories of mandalorians - that they were cold, calculating and ruthless - but all of those old stories flew out of your head as you jumped over the bar counter to treat the beskar covered man bleeding out onto the floor

din can still hear how calm and soothing your voice was to him in that moment, how you respected his privacy by not asking his name but treating him even when the rest of the patrons in the cantina looked at him with such fear - if you were not here, he most certainly would have met his maker

after treating his wound you offered him lodging in your small apartment while he healed, opting to help watch his foundling when you got home for work

at the end of the week he was ready to go back to work, but he felt a heaviness in his heart leaving you behind here - that night over dinner asking if you would like to join him

flash forward to now, din lands the crest at peli’s hangar and the two of you walk out with the child, the warm tatooine sun more unforgiving that that of the planet you spent your entire life on - thanking the maker that din mentioned you might be more comfortable in a little something more lightweight

you hold the child close as din talks to peli, not missing her comment about “it being nice to see the mandalorian has found a mate” to which din awkwardly coughs and you just know he’s blushing under that helmet

while you and din haven’t explicitly discussed the nature of your relationship, you have started spending a lot more time in his small bunk (when the child is not in there)

din had managed to get pretty bruised up after a fight with a bounty, and when he needed to remove his flight suit so you could access his injuries, you couldn’t help but blush as his toned skin was right at your fingertips

that night you rode him in the bunk, his cool beskar helmet hidden in the crook of your neck as your moans echo throughout the cargo hold

ever since then, the two of you have been fucking

but alas he still is your boss and you two keep things professional outside of the ship

flash forward to the trip to mos pelgo, sitting behind the bounty hunter with your arms tightly around his trim waist, an old pair of peli’s goggles over your eyes so you can prefect your eyes, something din had insisted on

it’s when the speeder bike comes to a stop near the cantina that din insists you wait outside for him, telling you that he will be back after making sure it’s safe

you nod in agreement, knowing there’s no real reason to start an argument, even though you are capable of handling yourself, and watch as he enters the bar, instead opting to watch the child

you look down at dins pack and gasp, seeing the little menace has taking off running after his papa in the direction of the bar - taking off after him without even watching where you are going - finding yourself slamming into a wall of green beskar

the impact of landing on your back knocks the wind out of you, hearing a faint “cyar’ika!” from inside as the man before you turns and offers a hand

“you gotta be careful sweetheart,” the man says effortlessly, helping you to your feet, “there’s some people around these parts that might not be so nice to ya.”

a soft blush appears on your cheeks at the use of the pet name, watching as din stands up to meet the two of you, gently patting your shoulder and asking if you are alright before telling the man before you that he is the one you have been searching for - another mandalorian

you watch as the marshall makes his way to the bar and orders three shots of spotchka, something that sits weird in your stomach as there’s no way that you can just down three shots yourself

following the marshall to the small table, you watch as he offers the pair of you a shot, to which din declines as you would expect but something in you goes for it, taking the small glass and throwing back the strong liquid, grimacing a bit as the taste sets in

“at least i have someone to keep up with me,” the marshall teases, lifting his hands up to remove his helmet and your eyes go wide as he places it down likes its a normal thing to do, your hand going to grip at one of dins arms in shock

din is obviously shocked as well, his heartbeat picking up as your grip on his arm tightens, watching the almost coy smile plays at the lips of the man across the table

the two begin going back and forth, cobb confessing he bought the armor off of some jawas, and din demanding he take it off

“it’s not proper for me to remove my armor right here, especially in front of such a pretty young lady.”

din is seeing red

if the helmet & beskar situation wasn’t already setting him off, the flirty comments being directed your way were

it wasn’t like the two of you had put a label on things, but he wasn’t going to let this nerf herder hit on you like that - most people wouldn’t dare even thinking about trying something like that to you when he was around - but this man had never dealt with a real mandalorian before

din missed the way you rolled your eyes at the comment, to busy in his own thoughts as the marshall suggests a duel for the armor since it seemed so important to din, but the sudden rumbling noise and shaking of the room sends you into panic mode

immediately you grab the child and pull him to your chest as din practically does the same to you - tucking your head under his chin as the shaking continues - only to pull away slowly when the noise and movement slows to a stop

you look up at him wide eyed, a few pieces of stray hair framing your face as you tell him you are going to see if anyone is hurt and din swears in that moment he is in love with you, standing as you lean your forehead against his helmet, a keldabe kiss, to which you do not know the meaning of, and watching as you grab your bag and head out towards the streets where civilians assess the damage

“you gotta good girl there mando,” the marshall draws, “you better stake your claim before someone else takes her to be-“

before he can finish the sentence din wraps a hand around his throat, pinning him to the nearest wall

“i’ll help you kill the krait dragon and in return you give me the armor and leave my girl alone.”

the look on the marshalls face is enough for din, but he makes a mental note to show you that night you are his

taglist: @catchmeupimgettingoutofhere @salome-c @jasterslegacy @marydjarin @hnt-escape wanna be added? send me an ask!!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

VICTORY! New Free File rules ban tax-prep firms from hiding their offerings, allow IRS to compete with them (a love-letter to Propublica)

Six months ago, Propublica began beating the drum about "Free File," a bizarre, corrupt arrangement between the IRS and the country's largest tax-prep firms that ended up costing the poorest people in America millions and millions of dollars, every single year.

The scam is one of those baroque, ultimately boring and complex stories that generally dies in the public imagination despite its urgency, because "boring and urgent" is the place where the worst people can do the worst things with the least consequences.

With that warning, here's a short summary: in most wealthy countries, the tax authority fills out your tax return for you, using the information your employer already has to file every time it pays your wages. If all the numbers look right to you, you just sign the bottom of the form and send it back, without paying a tax preparer. If, on the other hand, you want to claim extra deductions, or if something complicated is going on with your finances, you can throw away that free tax return and fill in a form from scratch, either on your own or with the help of a professional.

When Americans asked to have the same courtesy extended to them -- a move that would save the vast majority of Americans millions and millions of dollars they were currently paying to the likes of HR Block and Intuit/Turbotax, every single year of their entire working lives -- the tax-prep industry mobilized to kill the proposal. The industry (which is highly concentrated and dominated by a small handful of firms whose top execs have mostly done time in all their competitors' board rooms, making them into essentially one giant company whose different divisions have different shareholders) lobbied the IRS very hard, and won a resounding victory.

That victory is called "Free File." Under Free File, each tax prep company is required to serve a slice of working Americans with free, online tax-preparation. The arrangement was hailed as a victory for public-private partnerships, harnessing the efficiency of the private sector to perform this public duty of the state. Importantly, it meant that the IRS would not expand its headcount or budget, both of which had been slashed by successive right-wing presidents and their legislative enablers. The move was cheered by anti-tax extremists like Grover Nordquist, who was delighted by the "efficiency" of you saving a bunch of pieces of paper the government already had, typing them into an online form, and hoping that a company's website came up with the same calculations that the government had already made about your tax-bill.

Part of the Free File deal banned the IRS from creating a competing offer and it banned the IRS from advertising the existence of the program or telling people where to find the free offering.

As soon as the ink was dry on Free File, the tax-prep companies set about to sabotage it. Intuit -- a massive company led by a bizarre cult figure -- and its competitors hid their Free File offerings deep in their sites, and used the "robots.txt" system to instruct search engines to hide them. They took out search ads for the phrase "Free File" that directed users to paid offerings with the word "free" in their names. They created "Free File" systems that would make you go through hours of work entering your data before surprising you with a notice that you didn't qualify for Free File because you'd paid interest on a student loan (or some other normal thing) and then ask you if you wanted to pay to keep your work and finish your tax-return in the non-free system.

There's a simple name for this kind of activity: fraud.

But it was a fraud in plain sight, one that went on for years and years, and which created a stealth tax on the majority of Americans, which they had to remit not to the IRS, but to the tax-prep companies, which used the money to lobby to make it even harder to get away from handing them your money every year.

Enter Propublica, whose relentless reporting did the seemingly impossible: it made a complicated, boring important thing into something that millions of Americans cared about. Something they cared about so deeply that they actually managed to shame the IRS into taking action.

Remember, the IRS is an administrative agency, under the direct control of the Trump administration. That means its commander-in-chief is a guy who said dodging his taxes means that he's "smart." While the IRS has many good, hardworking staffers, it has also been demoralized and gutted by the right, who have convinced millions of poor people that it's somehow in their interests if it's easier for rich people to duck their taxes.

Despite all this, the IRS has enacted new Free File rules: first, these rules ban tax-prep companies from hiding their Free File offerings, and it bans them from using deceptive names for non-Free File offerings (Turbotax will no longer be allowed to confuse Americans by offering "Turbotax Free" -- which is not free -- as a competitor to "Turbotax Free File," which is).

Second, the rule allows the IRS to develop its own competing Free File product, which means that the government agency that already knows how much tax you owe will allow you to review its findings each year and then either challenge them, or simply click OK, without paying a single cent of tax to Intuit or HR Block, and free you from filling in lengthy, bureaucratic forms.

This outcome is nothing short of miraculous: it did not come as the result of Congressional action. It did not come as the result of the Trump administration's inattention (the release came out the same day that the Trump administration revised its tax rules to allow money launderers to retain billions in the loot they've stashed offshore).

It came about as the result of fucking journalism. Propublica wrote its way into a better world, with relentless, deep, accessible reporting that made this boring, important thing come to life.

I am sympathetic to the idea that talking about politics isn't doing politics, but that's not entirely true. Learning about what's going on and telling the people you know about it and getting them to tell others is part of how we make change. Propublica's excellent reporting wouldn't have mattered if people hadn't read it -- and talked about it.

And Propublica has done this repeatedly over the past year, deeply reporting on naked, grotesque corruption in ways so vivid and undeniable that they actually changed things, and not in some abstract, boring way, but in ways that matter to the immediate, lived experience of real people who had been brutalized and poisoned and jailed and mistreated with impunity, for years, until Propublica wrote about it.

Here are some examples, just from the stories I paid attention to this year (Propublica does so much good work that I can't manage to cover all of it):

* Reformed South Carolina's "magistrate judge" system that let "judges" with no legal background and less training than barbers sentence poor people (most of them Black) to prison in defiance of their constitutional rights;

* Dismantled Illinois's system of Quiet Rooms where special ed kids were put into solitary confinement, sometimes for days at a time;

* Shamed a "Christian" hospital into ending its practice of suing thousands of patients, many of them its own employees, for inability to pay their medical debts, and forcing it to jettison the private army of debt collectors it kept on its payroll.

* Killed an Illinois scam whereby affluent parents temporarily gave up custody of their own children so they could steal college grants earmarked for poor children;

* Got two Louisiana cops fired for encouraging people to murder Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez;

In addition, Propublica has done lots of reporting that hasn't yet created political transformations, but has changed our debate and laid the groundwork for change to come: called attention to the penniless hero of the ransomware epidemic; discredited a "walking polygraph" system used by police forces to frame their preferred suspects with sheer junk science; documented the link between pharma company bribes and doctors' prescribing; named every former lobbyist in the Trump administration; tracked every penny of the 2008 bailout money; documented Wayne LaPierre's self-dealing from the NRA's war-chests; documented the grifty conservative PACs that scammed millions out of scared old white people with racist Obama conspiracies and then kept the money for themselves; published a blockbuster story on the theft of southern Black families' ancestral lands through a legal grift called "heirs' property"; debunked the "aggression detection" mics being installed in America's classrooms; outed a "ransomware consultant" that was working with ransomware crooks to simply pay the ransom, while pretending that they were able to get you your files back without enriching the crooks who locked them up; named and shamed Alabama sheriffs who lost their re-election bids and then spent thousands of public dollars on frisbees or stole discretionary funds, or destroyed food earmarked for prisoners, or drilled holes in all the department computers' hard-drives in a form of "vindictive hazing"; followed the payday lender industry to a Trump hotel where it staged an annual conference, funneling millions to the president's personal accounts shortly before Trump reversed Obama's curbs on predatory lending; documented how TSA body-scanners single out Black women for humiliating, discriminatory hair-searches; revealed the secret history of wealthy people destroying the IRS's Global High Wealth Unit; and did outstanding work on the Sackler family, a group of billionaire opioid barons whose products kickstarted the opioid epidemic that has now claimed more American lives than the Vietnam war.

2019 was a dumpster-fire of a year and 2020 could be worse -- or it could be the dawn that breaks after our darkest hour. Finding Propublica's victory lap on Free File on New Year's Day was just the sunrise I needed to give me hope for the year to come. Sometimes, simply finding the truth and telling it to the people can make a change.

I'm a Propublica donor, and an avid reader. I admit that sometimes when I see that PP has published another 15,000-word expose, I am slightly dismayed at the thought that I'm about to lose 1-2 hours of my life to digesting and writing up the new story, but that dismay is always overcome by excitement at the thought that they have turned over a new rock and found something genuinely awful beneath it, and that, with all our help, we can sterilize that foetid sludge with blazing sunshine.

https://boingboing.net/2019/12/31/go-propublica-go.html

[pairofmelaninkweens]

Nostalgia

Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou x Natsumi Myaski (oc)

By: @sweet-darling91

Summary: (Post time skip )Kurro has been looking for a chance to possibly reconcile with an Ex, but soon comes to learn that nostalgia can realy lead you down a path of thorns instead of a bed of roses.

CW/TW: Angst, vanilla sex,  and cunnilingus.

Wc: 4783

art by: twi.night on Instagram! one of the pictures Kuroo kept on the wall of his condo of Him and Natsumi.

The subtle warm scent with fresh citrus notes alerted his senses. It was mixed with that perfectly unique smell and feeling that only one person in existence could provoke, Natsumi. It sprung memories of late-night lovemaking in his dorm, as the rays of moonlight illuminated your cocoa brown skin, highlighting its cinnamon undertones.

 The buns you swept your hair up in were removed when he pulled the hair ties free, sending your dark curly tresses tumbling down past your shoulders. Wrapping the curls around his fingers as he tugged them, groaning when you bowed your back as he took you from behind. Remembering the way your ass pressed against his pelvis, the way you would keen when he spread your buttery smooth thighs further, watching your essence coat his cock as he plunged it deep into your quivering cunt.

 He remembered the way your silken walls would quiver around him as you moaned his name, the way your small frame would tremble as he sunk balls deep into you, your cum would drip down his balls. Fuck, you were so perfect. He would get lost in you night after night. Even now, years after you left his life. He would still fantasize about you, craving the way your warm body clung to him. It broke his heart when you lost contact with him, because like it or not you were a pillar in his life.

 You were the one that brought him to accept parts of himself he neglected. The origin of most of his kinks and preferences. Especially the first girl he endearingly called Chibi-chan. Of course, he ignored the fact that it was indeed the same name he teased his Orange haired buddy with over his height-or lack thereof.  It was different for you though; it was meant to be endearing. The most important detail is after all this time and secret pining, he found you, mere feet away far enough not to be in direct contact thanks to the layout of the patio, with the decorative shrubbery around, and the angle his table was stationed at. He had the vantage point in observing you, and it made his cock twitch remembering the way you made his blood heat. The memory of the connection you once shared painfully squeezes his chest.

 Natsumi Miyazaki, a name that was burned into his memory forever. Now sits with perfectly crossed legs poised in your seat. Hair cut into a bob, parted on the side, with bangs framing your slender face. Hazel eyes sparkled when you beamed at the man cracking jokes over coffee. He couldn’t be that funny to be making you flash your smile like that he thought as he turned up his nose, letting his lips sink into a frown and eyes narrow at the sight of you with him.

 The cashmere top with the sweetheart cut highlighted your delicate clavicle and the swell of your breasts. Your form-fitting skirt accentuated your small waist, hugging your hips and thick thighs. Kuroo began biting his tongue wishing he could get a better view of your ass. The white and cream outfit was cute, clean, and professional. It read that you meant business, that, and the subtle tells in your body language confirmed it. The way your eyes analyzed the orange-haired man, and the all too polite way you sipped at your latte, made him laugh darkly.

 Whatever Shoyo was saying must have given you the answer you were looking for, and your response was subtle pettiness. He recognized that polite smile was a mask, the exaggerated nods and the batting of your eyelashes was used to do to supress rolling your eyes. This happened when you asked him questions you already knew the answers to. A cleaver warning and it seems that went over Shoyo’s head. What were you up to? Why were you out here all dolled up with a new outfit and hair styled completely different than when it was back in college? Why change your appearance to shortcake? Then it dawned on him, information. You were working, he knew you were, but was distracted staring at you. The longer you took probing Shoyo, the more impatient he became, fidgeting in his seat and glowering.

 Leaving a tip for the waitress he made his way to your table; he was only 5 feet away when the rhythmic tap of 4 manicured digits followed by a double-tap of your index finger against the glass table halted his stride. It was your sign to him; acknowledging his presence and warning not to interrupt. This shouldn’t surprise him. You were always the most astute in class, rivalling him for the top academic grade and overall performance. Along the way to those achievements, you spent so much time together you were well versed in each other’s non-verbal cues.

 That’s what got him so interested in you, seeing how your mind worked. The way you would speak volumes with so few words and see everything with a glance. Now pointedly walking past the table, he answered your rasp with two taps of his umbrella against the cobblestone patio floor. “Looks like rain” he remarked as he opened it out, and started walking up the street.

 Five minutes later he heard the quick taps of heels and the gentle, beautiful fragrance returned when you wrapped your arms around his waist from behind. “Is this a good time?” he asked, eyes still trained forward, steps returning to their previous pace.

 You release a contented hum, and then raise your head to ask, “Which one is yours?”  releasing your hold on him and motioning towards the parked cars.

 “The black Audi,” he responds, as you smile to yourself eying the 2017 R8 model. “Of course, the flashiest car for the former prince of Nekoma high.” You say as you playfully shove his shoulder. He looks down at you and curls his lips shrugging at the tease. “ I mean, were they wrong?”

 Rolling your eyes you open the passenger side door, settling in the seat and sliding off the bob-cut wig and cap that encased your curly tresses. Kuroo watched the curls spill down your shoulder as you rub your scalp and sigh in relief, only stopping to spot the time on the dash. “Ok, let’s go, my schedule’s free after that meeting.”

 His eyebrows raise in surprise, “Always so forward."

 “There’s no time to beat around the bush, if you have something to ask me, go ahead,” you quip, with a sharp side glance at him, before pulling the visor down to adjust your lipstick in the mirror.

 “I just missed you,” he admitted.

 “Missed me or missed what I could do for you?” Closing the visor, you turn and look him in the eye, your gaze piercing through him. His shoulders slump slightly, and a bitter chuckle escapes his lips. “Is it always going to be business with you? Even after everything?”

 “It’s always going to be business with you because of everything. You're the one that said ‘lets just be friends. Realistically that's the best option because I’m too dangerous to be a stranger to you with all that I know." You finish, chest burning with your bitter pettiness and disgust in sympathy for his masked pain.  "You were one of the greatest loves of my life. But not THE love of my life.” you continue, thinning your lips and turning away and closing your eyes to soothe the burning in them.

“I still love you too. But it’s not gonna happen, our time is over.” You finally say.

“I figured that you became an information broker to get Kiyoomi’s attention recently.” He interjected with jealousy clear in his tone.

Snapping your gaze back at him. “I chose my career to be independent, so no would hurt me like you did.  I don’t want to take orders from someone because I’m no goon. I stand by my policy. It would do you well to stand by it too.” Ignoring his pained reaction, you continued. “Taking me to your place, right?  Then let’s get on with that instead because I don’t owe you any of my personal details.” The thought crossed you mind, and the words slipped past your lips before you could stop them. “That information is a premium charge if you’re that curious.” you stated holding out your hand.

“it’s in the glove box” he sighed. “I know you didn’t seek me to purchase information for your ‘work.’ you wanted my time, didn’t you?”  looking up to see him nodding in reply with a dejected smile. You weren’t finished though, thinking to yourself as you exited the car, followed him through the underground garage, past security and into his penthouse. You had a point to prove with your hidden agenda, and you weren’t leaving here until you got what you came for.

  Stepping through the threshold was like sinking into the warm comforting depths of the deep sunlit seawater. Warm, familiar, and comforting. Immediately you could tell that nothing had changed, relief washed over you with the realization that dramatically increased your advantage and success rate for your target. Just like the deep-sea waters though you knew there were dangers the deeper you sank into this familiarity. Shoving that thought to the side you slid off your shoes and began walking through the hall, hands grazing the walls observing pictures of him and his family. Passing one of you in a group shot together cleverly placed in the collage on the wall, slipping into the living room, passing the pictures of the old gang and snapshots of you studying with Sienna, and Kenma. Then seeing yourself standing in the rain in the background of a team group shot mocking Bokuto who was trying to duck out of the shot but failed to. Blushing wildly covering your best friend from the rain with his jacket and hiding his face that was covered in tinted lip balm. “Always the gentleman Bo.” You grinned at the shot, roaming over other pictures of his MSBY friends, the rival teams, some shots included new coaches, vice-captains, fellow higher-ups and the team medics. Then you saw the generous helping of pictures of your time together though, the two of you studying with Sienna and Bokuto, who was flustered looking at Sienna instead of the textbook. Shots of you riding on Kuroo’s shoulders, a cute one that you vividly remember Sienna taking of you covered in your own lipstick when Kuroo put it on and smothered you with kisses all over your face and arm, a flustered expression clearly focused on the camera. You remember the way he was focused on you, only looking to the camera to smirk before he continued his assault of kisses on you. Finally, the last picture was of you landing that ‘Oikawa serve’ in one of the final games before leaving college. Once again you closed your eyes, trying to soothe yourself from the melancholy trip down memory lane with his display.

Slipping open your lids you accepted the fact that the burning in your throat and prickling in your eyes would not cease, letting the cool tears flow freely.  “you cruel bastard. You kept all of it. Why?”

“Because You’re always on my mind, you never left.”

 “is that all?” you say turning to face him, hating the conflicting feelings swarming through you all at once, the nostalgia was warm, sweet, and welcoming. But the result was bitter, cold and lonely. Logically you should stick to the job, but your emotions were forcing you to focus your mind elsewhere.

“Nope, your here too.” He points to his heart. “Every time I close my eyes it’s you, I see. Wishing that it’s your voice calling out my name, your hair that fanned out on the pillow next to mine. Your arms wrapping around me. If I take them down. If I remove all the stuff. It would be leaving a void in the middle of my life. I can’t have that, I’d crumble.” He admits with his eyes locked in your gaze.

You answer him by bounding into his arms like old times and breathlessly kissed him. He deepened it, holding you tightly, cradling the back of your head gently letting his free hands travel down your back and firmly grabbing your ass pulling you close to his body and rolling his hips into you. Groaning as he feels your warm body. Relishing in the smooth suppleness of your skin under his hands.

 "Your skin was always so smooth, so soft." He murmured into your neck. Trailing open mouth kisses down it. Leaning your head to the right, granting him more access to your throat. Fluttering your lashes enjoying the feeling of his lips on your skin again. Your brought back down onto your feet, as he sinks to his knees, unzipping your skirt and letting it pool around your ankles. You grabbed his tie and pulled him flush against your pelvis, slipping one leg over his shoulder and angling your puffy lips to align with his mouth.

"Kiss me, show me how much you missed me." Winking and smiling at him sweetly. His face heats at your sudden boldness, a contrast to the usual blushing submissive side. Leaning forward he obliged and kissed you through the thin crotch of the lacy fabric separating his lips from yours. Flattening his tongue, he laved it down your wet slit. Biting your bottom lip to stifle moans threatening to echo through the apartment, you began rocking your hips back and forth, craving more friction. Sensing your eagerness Kuroo pulls at the material with his teeth and lets the elastic snap against you. Humming in pleasure when he hears the responding gasp melting into a soft muted moan. He missed the sounds you made, and he wanted to hear more of them. Slipping his index finger past the ruined panties he sinks his index finger knuckle deep, groaning at how eagerly your gummy walls wrapped around his digit. "God, your so tight Chibi-chan, did u miss me?"

 Whining in response you wrapped your fingers around the strands of raven hair pulling harshly. "Mmmm more" you demanded, he smiled noting the lack of answer and obediently slipped the second digit in, pumping the fingers in and out, taking pleasure in the feeling of you clenching around him, the sweet taste of your slick and skin. But what really got him going was the sounds spilling from your lips when he swallowed your clit into his mouth hollowing out his cheeks and grinding his fingers against that spongey spot that had you bucking her hips and crying out. His breathing started to get obstructed when you yanked at his tie, tightening it around his throat. His vision getting blurry and the sound of his blood rushing through his veins filled his ears. Then on instinct you released the tie, fresh air flooded into his lungs, the rush of oxygen and the dopamine surging through his system delivered an indescribable high.

 He freed his cock from his pants giving himself slow soothing pumps to his throbbing length. Its head swollen, pink and dripping pre that he used as a lube before grabbing your hips and easing you to sit on his face. He bucked into the empty air craning his neck and slipped his tongue into your quivering pussy. Your legs gave out as your orgasm surged through you like a flash fire, igniting every blood cell in our body with hot pleasure that clouded your mind and mad your eyes roll to the back of your head as you released a litany of curses and Kuroo’s name. He gripped your hips with a bruising force, drinking in your cum as it spilled into his mouth, embracing your trembling form.

 As you caught your breath Kuroo brushed the stray strands of hair free from your face and immediately searched your face for signs of discomfort. His lips stretched into a smile when you started smoothing your hands through his hair. “I’m not a dog, you don’t need to pet me he nipped at your hand. Standing, and stripping off his shirt and shooting you a wink. “Well at least dogs are loyal.”  Returning his wink as you get to your feet and watch him as he flings his shirt and tie over his shoulder, grasping his chest and looking down at you through his lashes. “Ouch, you aren’t here to play nice, are you?” he croons as he slips his hands on your waist and back steps toward his room.

 “Not at all.” you answer while pointing over to his bed, “have a seat,” waiting for him to do so, your request before you slipped out of the top, revealing the strapless bralette and flinging it his way, grinning when he caught it in his mouth, shooting you a wink and growling. Releasing a playful “woof” before dropping it onto the floor to watch you close the space between you two. You slid your palms up his thigh bracing the other hand on his chest, coaxing him to lean back  allowing you to slink up his long body letting your glistening pussy lips slide up his hardened shaft and muffled his groan when you pressed your plump lips over his pulling back to whisper, “shhh, don’t get too excited too soon” you tease trailing kisses down his neck, leaving blossoming bruises in your wake, kissing down his chest and finally sitting back up halting your hip to search his face. You could feel the way his heart was hammering in his chest against your palm. “Don’t be shy now Natsumi.” He bucks his hips and you sink your teeth into your lip to stifle the moan rising from you.

 His hands fastened to your hips in a death grip, his fingers and knuckles white, his pupils blown, his chest heaving with anticipation. He nodded and bucked his hips, slipping his shaft through your delicate petals and being rewarded with a sweet soft moan. “Lean forward Chibi-chan, I got you,” he assured. Reluctant to trust him for much, you relented with a sigh and obeyed.

Feeling his swollen velvety tip breach your entrance, you couldn’t hold back from slamming your hips down, enveloping him in your warm, hungry pussy with a moan that made him growl low in his throat. “D-don’t move, ok?” you struggled through whimpers at how the stretch sent pleasure flooding your senses. Your body flushed with heat, goosebumps flashing across the surface, nipples pebbling before his eyes, and that plush bottom lip being tortured between your pearly teeth as you bit down on it to suppress moans threatening to spring free but still reaching Kuroo’s ears. Your hips bucked forward, working your waist in slow delicious circles that edged both of you just right. The friction your swollen clit got from grazing his hilt urged you to close your eyes and twerk your ass cheeks, the sudden movements caused his dick to grind against the walls of your tight core, which clenched him snuggly inside you. He gasped each time you jerked and rolled your waist, bouncing up and down his cock, building a punishing speed that drove him wild and bow his back up off the bed. “Chibi-chan that’s it, fuck yourself on my cock baby.” he moaned thrusting his hip up in time to crash into yours when you thrusted your hips down, making him moan out in bliss, lolling his tongue out as your hips jackhammered down onto him. “Kurooooo, I’m gonna cum.”

 He eased the pressure on your hips, his breath stuttering and sweat collecting on his brow as he watched the way you raised your body up the length of his dick and dropped onto it. Your swollen lips swallowing him deeply, convulsing around him. “Mm cum on this cock Chibi-Chan!” he growled demanding your attention and compliance. “I’ve been dreaming about this for so long when you would finally come back and ride me and let me fuck you into this mattress. Ffffff fuck Natsumi.” You throw your head back as your pussy convulses and your orgasm ripples through your body. Radiating waves of intensity surging through your body sending your eyes rolling to the back of your head. He sits up to let you rest your forehead against his, both of you panting for breath. He laid slow soft kisses across your flushed cheeks, smoothing his hands up your back and down your sides slowly but gaining in pressure. You also feel his cock harden inside you as he starts brings his lips against your, kissing your deeply and letting your taste yourself on his tongue.

Rocking your hips in slow motions you let him take advantage and toss you into the mattress, sinking his incisors into your neck and his cock balls deep “you feel so good baby~ I wanna cum deep inside you, look at me Sumi. I want to see your face when I fill you.” He ruts into you setting the delicious pace of pulling out and pounding into your dripping cunt, the chorus of hips crashing into each other, the squelching of your wet pussy milking him, and wanton moans filled his ears. He forced his eyes closed trying to burn it all into memory. The beautiful pitch your voice took when he hit that perfect spot deep inside you, lacing his fingers with yours, he crowded your frame with his broad upper body. Balancing on his elbows he used every muscle in his thighs to push into you, bringing tears to your eyes as flashes of black and white cloud your vision, all the breath left your body as Kuroo sent you tumbling into a prolonged orgasm. A wild blissful ride rendering your body weightless, gravity no longer existed, lost in the incredible sensations coursing through your body and spasmed when Kuroo thrust almost painfully deep into you pumping you past your limit with hot ropes of cum pulsing into you. You felt warm everywhere, there was tingling under the surface of your skin, movements reduced to the speed of warm molasses. “I’ve got you Natsumi.” his voice sounded so far away but the sound was followed with gentle soothing strokes up your sides, slowly grounding you. Soon after the feeling of him caressing your cheek and feeling him planting a soft kiss on your lips brought your mind back to the present, just like he would back then. Bringing you back down to earth after fucking your soul out of your body filled him with pride knowing he still could do this to you. The bitter pangs of his heart told him that one day the person doing this wouldn’t be him. The gentle sound of your voice thanking him grasped his attention and gave him the chance to appreciate your raw beauty. The lipstick had long been kissed away revealing plump two-toned nude lips, the even tone of her golden chestnut skin and deep chocolate eyes made his sting with tears. “It’s been a long time, nostalgia’s hurting, isn’t it?” you teased reaching your arms out for him to pull himself into an embrace, sighed at the feeling of you nuzzling into him and kissing his jaw. “Seeing you like this hit hard. It’s like seeing my dreams and memories merge together and play out in front of me, yet the actual thing, still pales every single image, every thought, every memory in comparison.” Pulling back to see his face you arched an eyebrow. “oh?”

 “Every time I have someone next to me, I wished it were your body warming that side of my bed instead, your curls fanned out across my pillow, your voice filling the room when you call my name, and your lips I taste when I kiss. I shouldn’t have hurt you the way I did Sumi, I’m sorry.” He breathed. You closed her eyes and hummed. This was supposed to hurt more. But it was just a dull ache of sympathy, the bond that you had with him had long frayed and snaped, well at least you hoped. You truly moved on. It was a relief and a pity. A relief that you felt nothing, a pity for him, that he was feeling everything.

 “That connection had long since ended Roo, the love I feel for you now isn’t the same. That level of devotion was gone the moment you left me. Understand? I only give that out to those deserving. This was sweet, to an extent. But by no means is it a sign of any kind of romantic reconcile, ok?” his eyes swirled with remorse, and he numbly nodded. Finishing the water he gave you, you placed it on the side table as headed to the bathroom to clean yourself up in the hot shower, rinsing the feeling of him off your skin. Breathing the hot steam deep into your lungs to refocus your mind. Inwardly thanking him for not following you in there. After the shower you grab a town and dry of, return to the room finding him sitting on the bed.  Looking up at you a smile flashed across his face along with a faint blush on his cheeks. “Your hair, it brings me back to when I would help you with drying it out, detangling and oiling your scalp.” You shook your head. And cast him a side glance. “And?”

“Well, it was my favourite, you know I always thought your hair was cute in those buns" he muses, she glared at him. "How childish. People grow Kuroo, I have long grown out of that. You know it was cute walking down memory lane with you, but it revealed one thing. You haven’t changed, your out here fucking girls that remind you of me, holding onto the past while I, and the rest of the world move forward. Grow up, you should try it sometime." You spat, spinning on your toes to invade his closet, boldly slamming the door and reef through the clothes for something to wear only to come up to another nostalgic discovery, with out uttering a word you grabbed the old uniform and put it on, gathering up his travel bag and rummaging through his drawers, eyes scanning every free surface. Noticing that he was not making a sound made you suspicious. “You alive?” tensing waiting for his reply.

 “Yeah, just giving you space-” he was cut off when he saw the college uniform hug your curvy figure. He truly felt like if he blinked, you’d vanish, but when you realized what was going on you yanked the bundles of hair free, shaking the damp curls and sweeping them up into a messy bun letting stray strands frame your face. “I may be a vision from your memories, so take a good look. This is the last time you’ll see me like this. Once I leave this room you won’t have this chance again. So, I do hope that your ‘hoe phase’ was an enjoyable one.” you finished slipping on a pair of runners. “I really can’t believe you kept everything here, that isn’t healthy, and if you have other women wearing my things, that’s- disturbing.”

“What should I do with the clothes you came here with.”

“Burn it. Toss it, it’s of little consequence to me, my job is done.” You shrug on the travel bag on your shoulders.

“But I didn’t tell you anything, you never asked any questions. Did you even get what you needed?” Cupping his cheek to look into his eyes. “Thank you for being one of my greatest loves Kuroo, you really should stop putting yourself in danger trying to steal glances at me. Turning up in places where you think I will be or following my potential targets. You’ll end up putting a target on your back if you keep that up, I’m grown. I can handle myself.” you warned, “bye Sumi.” he closed his eyes and felt you kiss him, when he opened them again his heart sank to see the room empty, but then it sank into his belly realizing what exactly she did. Running into the walk-in closet he yanked open his draws in search of his files and the dossier. No surprise, they were all missing, the dossier, all the files including the first classified drive he had in there.  Damn, He really paid her to rob him. He smiled bitterly to himself admiring the finesse. He attempted to buy time to plead his case, only to be out of luck with love, and now possibly his job.

[freetheshit-outofyou]

You seem to be one of the Flat Earth idiots. Let me spell it out for you. Trump and Dr. Atlas are not epidemiologists. Epidemiologists and real Doctors know the importance of wearing masks. Thing is you'll just be a dead idiot. More food and oxygen for me. Loser! Oh. And more bullets for me too.

Thank you for your wrong opinion and input.  Let me break it down for you in little words so you might be able to understand this without asking the person next to you for help.  I never claimed Mr. Trump or Dr. Atlas, who ever that is, are Epidemiologists. I have also never claimed they were Virologists, a field much more in the fight of a viral contagion. Clearly your brain cells have a hard time with science and deductive reasoning.     Let me help you, my lost little buddy. “By definition, epidemiology is the study (scientific, systematic, and data-driven) of the distribution (frequency, pattern) and determinants (causes, risk factors) of health-related states and events (not just diseases) in specified populations (neighborhood, school, city, state, country, global). It is also the application of this study to the control of health problems (Source: Principles of Epidemiology, 3rd Edition).” on the other side of that, “Virologists are medical doctors that oversee the diagnosis, management and prevention of infection. They’re also scientists, who may drive research on various aspects of viruses. A virologist may be both a scientist and a physician. They mix their time between working at the bench in laboratories and providing advice to staff across many different areas of the human and animal health service sectors.” Now that we know who the players are and their place in the fight I can tell you for a fact as someone who worked in viral/biological contagion filled environments NOT A SINGLE FUCKING PERSON WENT INTO THOSE ENVIORMENTS WEARING A MASK OR PROTECTIVE SYSTEMS MADE OUT OF GOD DAMNED T-SHIRT MATIREAL, not once, not ever. That mask you love to rub in people face is worthless, the surgical masks people are wearing is worthless. It is a band aid on a sucking chest wound, it is a feel good measure that has ZERO effect.  Side note: If masks were the key, why are infections still happening? And why, with millions wearing them, has the virus not been pined into pockets where people don’t wear them thus proving mask work? I know the answer, do you?

I know how crazy is it that Scientists and doctors don’t use PPE made from t-shirt marital or yards of fabric bought from Hobby Lobby, who knew.... Wait, everyone fucking knew, because you’ve seen actual professionals in contaminated environments never put that shit on before a purpose made protective system that is made to work, not made to look like it should work.  The last thing(s), Fit Testing and cross contamination control. That is not even on anyone's radar outside of the fields that use it. Bubba and Birtha are not fit testing their home made mask or their N95′s, or their paint respirators or anything else. They are also using filters that are well past their replacement date and prescribed continuous use directions.  You have a huge chance of contaminating yourself rather than getting it from direct exposure from another person. That 30 something in the produce section of your store who touched 29 apples and tomatoes to find the the right 3 made you sick. The person leaving the pisser before you that has not washed their hands in 3 days and you touched the stall and pisser doors after them, made you sick. You touching everything under the sun thinking a mask made you safe while also taking off or pulling down your mask off 30 times a day made you sick.  So little buddy, if you were hoping I would get sick and die, I doubt that will happen. If you were hoping to get a little more O2 because of my passing I am not sorry to disappoint you. If you were relying on my death to get ammo, well princess, jump if you feel froggy. For those following along on your Mask Nazi bingo card; Masks are good Mmm’k People (Sheeple) who follow every edict of the governments are good Mmm’k. Science is only good if it agrees with your slanted view Mmm’k. The 6 foot rule and social distancing will save us all Mmm’k. Loved ones dyeing alone in hospitals is for the greater good Mmm’k. For those of us in the real world; Do what makes you feel safe, wear masks or don’t, don’t gather together or do, understand that this is not a one size fits all situation. Every person will have to face this as an individual, no amount of group punishment will ever stop individuals from having free will. It will only empower CoVID Karen’s and Kevin’s into thinking its ok for them it get in your face (Breaking social distancing rules.) to tell you what a horrible person you are for not wearing your mask properly while pulling theirs down to cough and spit at you and your family as a form of punishment. Then they will have that crazy shocked “I can’t believe you just did that” look under their masks when you press it real hard against their face with your fist.  P.S. Please apologize to the person next to you right now for having read and explain so much of this to you. I really did not mean to impose on them with your ignorance.  P.P.S. Since this whole shit pie opened up in January I have logged 6872 miles up and down the West Coast. California, Oregon, Washington and Nevada, I have had to interact with the populations of those liberal hubs and most of the time they were not wearing masks. I have had to stay in hotel after hotel, had to eat out hundreds of times at this point. and guess what, I still have not gotten sick. Is that because I understand this mess more, or because I understand virial contamination better, or is it that this shit sandwich that we’ve all had to take a bite of (Thank you for that line Full Metal Jacket.) was made for us and derived via the TV and social media to scare you into submission? Be controlled if you want to be, I’ll pass.