#ive been having fun i may report on it more in another post

[carcarrot]

living the southern california dream

[its-koili]

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

.

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

[nettheworldonfire]

The post that almost wasn’t...

I started writing this post in April.  Yes, April.  Five months ago.  

Then I got sidetracked and tried to finish in May, but the end of the school year had me too crazy to actually finish it.  Then it was summer and well, I couldn’t be bothered with opening a computer most days.  Too much fun in the sun to be had.  Now it’s the beginning of the school year and I’ve never been more stressed out and tired, but it’s Blood Cancer Awareness Month and I’m due for a post...

So, be patient with me as I retell this story(ies?)...and try to keep things reported in a timely fashion from here on out.

On Sunday, August 14th, I had my 30th Lanreotide injection and tomorrow I’ll have my 31st. It’s been two and a half years of this medicine, and it has been working to keep my tumor growth to a minimum.  I am very thankful for that.  

Back in mid-April, I had been experiencing significant pain under my right rib for about five days, and since that’s the general spot my liver is in, I was super stressed that it was my tumors acting up.  After some convos with oncology, they asked me to come into the Perlman Center at UPenn to see the oncology urgent care team and get my scans done a bit early. (They were scheduled for May 3rd).  So on April 26th, I made the hike into the big city. I forgot about how annoying it was to drive into West Philly (damn you, Schuylkill!) since I was re-diagnosed in February 2020 and only had one in-person appointment at Penn due to the pandemic.  I hate figuring out parking and being lost in a hospital, then anxiously hanging in waiting rooms.  I don’t mind meeting new nurses, techs, phlebotomists, and nurse practitioners who are always pretty incredible.  But since the logistics of huge hospital systems gives me heart palpitations, I always ask the person who schedules me where I should park and how I’ll find my floor and the office I need — and the scheduler this time was also super helpful…until I got there and multiple roads were blocked with police and construction.  I ended up parking a little ways away and taking a shuttle which wasn’t so bad - even if the driver was repeatedly screaming that she was gonna punch someone right in the face.  I would have had anxiety leaving my car in a garage with my work computer and other such valuables, however because I haven’t cleaned out my car in forever — it definitely appears like I live in it — and certainly doesn’t look like it would be holding anything of value — so I think joke’s on you, robbers!  

They took me back to get my CT scan pretty quickly but then I had to wait while they asked about doing a scan of my chest as well as the pelvis/abdomen, as my CT scheduled for the following month was for both and insurance likely doesn’t want me getting two CT scans within one week.  Once they got that approval, I got the scan with and without IV contrast of my abdomen, pelvis, and chest.  It’s cute how they always ask me if I have an underwire bra on or any such thing.  I have to remind them — I’m a pro. (Who wore a metal-free slob suit to work also).   I didn’t have to drink a Barium smoothie — so that’s a plus.  As the CT tech was taking out my IV, he asked if I wanted him to leave it in because I was getting an infusion afterwards, which was news to me since I haven’t had an infusion in 10 years.  So he took it out, and I went to “infusion” where it turns out they sent me for a blood draw and would have used the same IV had we left it in. Another needle in the opposite arm, and all is done.  Then I waited for a nurse practitioner, Marie, to go over things with me.  In the meantime, I got a notification that my bloodwork results we’re already in my portal (less than ten minutes after they drew it).  Holy quickness. Things looked normal to me, and I was told someone would call me to review. Marie said that they would get results of the CT scans that day, but definitely not for a few hours — so I should go home and wait there.  She did call me later that night and assured me that all was status quo. Nothing looked like it changed and my liver was probably not taking over my body like an alien life form. 

Dr. Teitelbaum and I had our normal follow-up telehealth appointment the next week and she confirmed, things are still growing so very slowly, there is nothing to worry about it.   It didn’t appear that my liver was causing the pain, and since the pain subsided in time, there wasn’t much else to do.

I had my injection in April, May, June, July - and then had new scans done.  This time, still only minimal growth, but Dr. Teitelbaum said she doesn’t want to become complacent, and asked me to schedule an appointment with Dr. Soulen in interventional radiology to see if he things I should be moving to next steps.  I was originally told this medicine works for 3-5 years in most patients, before the cancer outsmarts the meds.  It makes me pretty nervous to be creeping up on the low end of that timeline.  Especially since any cancer of mine is of course going to be smarter than the average cancer, right?  So I can’t be shocked if they say that next steps should be considered soon.  But I was kind of getting used to the idea of just pretending it’s not there and getting my backside injected once a month, forever.  I thought the appointment with Dr. Soulen was this past week, but realized I missed a call where it was rescheduled for October 5th -- so I will update again after that one.

In addition to all of my routine cancer screenings/scans/treatments, I have also been subjected to other diagnostics recently.  My OBGYN has been increasingly more demanding and the appointments are all so time consuming. I went in for an annual visit and the doctor recommended an endometrial ablation.   Two weeks ago I had to get a mammogram (simply because I am nearly 40 and well, that’s the kind of fun stuff you do when you’re middle-aged).  It took 8 days, but I received a little letter in my electronic file that started with this sentence...

WOOT WOOT!  Again, not that we (or anyone) had any concern about my breasts -- but hearing that a part of me is cancer-free is always so uplifting.  However, the radiology results lag makes me a little stressed, because I HATE waiting.  Apparently there is a major radiologist shortage right now.  And every other kind of shortage, but I can handle waiting a little for food or slightly longer lines places...

A few days later I got my ultrasound reports (abdominal and transvaginal) which also appeared normal (although they couldn’t find one of my ovaries, so I guess they can only say they are 50% sure they are normal).  This Thursday, I have an endometrial biopsy and then HOPEFULLY NovaSure -- the endometrial ablation.  Just one thing I’d like to get under control, ASAP.  Fingers and Ovaries crossed that it comes back normal or whatever is needed so I can schedule this procedure.  In the meantime, I am not opposed to rain-dances for menopause or an approved hysterectomy.  

In December, I will have another Gallium scan -- you know the one so wild they only do it on certain days of the week at certain times and they tell you not to hold your kids after for a day or so because you’re still radioactive -- cool, cool.  And that’s to make sure it’s still only in my liver and not traveling elsewhere, without a passport.  

And to end this with a dose of kid-comedy... This weekend my kids asked me why I get the injections at home and I told them I like when the nurse comes and gives me a shot in our house...and they translated that to, “Mommy likes getting it in her butt in the dining room.” Hoping this isn’t the overshare they decide to present in school this week.  

So that’s the update for now -- more to hopefully come soon.  Love to you all for being patient in hearing “news” for me, but no news is typically, “Sam still has cancer but she’s alive and her normal, albeit crazy, self” (aka good news, I think?)  Until next time...

[lyra-swan]

Hiiiii I know you're offline as I'm writing this but nevertheless I still felt like jumping into your inbox and word-vomiting for a second because I've been following Mechanical Angel for quite some time now and picked it up again recently and I just made it to part IV, god I'm having a blast. I can't wait to put all my full, extensive thoughts out there once I'm done but for now I need to stress that I'm just super impressed with both your writing style and the tone/ character development as a whole but the world-building in particular got to me gooood.

Am I right to assume that a lot of research went into this???? Because you can genuinely tell, to the point I literally felt transported to the places as you described them every time and the details are just so captivating to witness. It really feels like I'm reading a ww2 novel, I feel transported back into German literature class on occasion and it's just. Impressive???

Anyway thank you SO MUCH for putting this out there, I'm so happy Mechanical Angel (and all of your works) exist!! I've already noticed that there's another story focused on Natsume/Sora set in the same universe and I can't wait to finally jump into that one too once I'm done with MA. (Especially since Natsume is in my top 4# favorite characters but that's only a bonus)

Last but not least I am very mentally ill over Eimika now, congrats, I'm rotating them in my brain a very normal and totally not concerning amount, haha

May you have a wonderful day!!

Oh hi thank you so much!! I both loved and struggled with Part IV so much, but it was extremely fun to write, especially that dumb part in ch.38... I dunno if you've reached ch.45 but that was also very fun. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest!

I'm going to ramble like an old grandma again, adding a read more thingy so the post won't be a bother to scroll past for others.

In my opinion I don't think I've done enough research! But I'll always feel like that no matter how much I do so bleugh, nevermind. The scenery is typically based on my own surroundings but changed slightly to match an European feel... I think I wrote more in the last ask answer but it has a tiny bit of spoilers, I believe. The setting is a bit of amalgamation of my own country and europe because my own surroundings is what I'm familiar with, and of course although it's supposed to be inspiried by Germany everyone drives on the left side (I think I mentioned it in a chapter note) because I didn't want to accidentally trip over myself from a simple description of where a character turns their head. It's the Little Details that are important!

I say, as if I also didn't mess up a few details here and there because I started posting before finishing the first draft and so I couldn't edit the way I used to do for my previous longfics... But yes, it was very fun adding random bits from what I learned into the story because I used to love watching WW2 docs and laughing every time the nazis messed up and suffered a crippling defeat.

Like, I'd read about how they lied to their citizens that they were doing just dandy, and then have Wataru ask Eichi if he wanted more 'false reports of our so-called victories on the battlefield' to be published in the newspapers. Because that's the funniest shit ever to me...

Then one day I'd read about the nazis being among the first to connect smoking to bad health, and I'd add something like that in a conversation between Eichi and Tatsumi, they're not nazis obviously but because of the setting's inspirations that's where I got a lot of information (but you'll have a scene later on that's more Britain than Germany, so the fic truly is a amalgamation of different european settings during WW2). And of course, people are sceptical of new medical findings, that was mentioned. And the part where Eichi mentions 'common people are suspicious of IV drips' to Mika, that was a thing in the real world too.

I wonder if there is a single medical invention that wasn't regarded with suspicion by at least one person at first.

I kind of wish I had Eichi offering gold watches to anyone who quit smoking, it would've been funny, but eh.

And of course there are some things that don't make sense because this IS an alternate world so I DO have freedom. Like, even though this takes place generally in 1930s-1940s time, tranquiliser guns weren't invented until the 1950s (by a NEW ZEALANDER!!! Colin Murdoch. He's also the genius behind the modern day syringe, if I recall correctly), but you know, I added it in anyway because alternate world, alternate invention timeframes. I wrote that fog scene where Mika is shot by Midori while also sitting outside one dark foggy morning, and I liked the scene so much I kept it in.

Anyway I'm so happy you like the world-building! It was super fun to work on! I really like rural settings for world war stories... one of my favourite authors, Michael Morpurgo has that kind of vibe going on too, my bookshelf has a few of his books. So many dog and animal stories with themes of war lingering in the background if they don't directly deal with war and I love every one of them. They're all so full of emotion, they'd always make me cry. I love the stories that can make me cry and look back and think it was the most beautiful thing I've ever read and Morpurgo's works can do that A LOT. But also I'm very emotional...

And thank YOU for this! I'm always so happy hearing someone enjoyed what I wrote!

I still need to finish that natsusora fic. It was supposed to be a part of the main story itself but because it would've taken so many chapters, I was worried about 'forcing' readers through a side story that had no bearing on eimika. So I posted it as a separate fic! It takes place during that last chapter of Part IV so you can actually have a look whenever you've started Part V.

Natsume is very out of character, however. He's in his 30s and not really the cute feminine witchy boy that he truly is in canon (at least, that's how I see him), he's an engineer and really logical... but he hates Eichi with a passion, that's VERY necessary. Nevertheless, I try to write him as close to his canon self within the au that I've shoved him in and told him to survive in. Totally fine if you end up not liking it!

Excuse the rambling!! Thank you! You have good day!!

[dirk-has-rabies]

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on)  and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes.  gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are  (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao,  or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella)  some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do.  we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert)  this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing.  allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD  are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it)  has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance”  SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

 in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a  certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed  by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate)  since a lot of people roll their eyes at that  and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly.  Autigender  is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

[celebritytgcaptions]

Requests (5/23/2021)

Hi lovelies! I’ve been getting so many requests & I’m working hard to get all of them in the queue. Thanks for sending them my way! I’m writing to let you know that the queue is now full until the end of June. I was able to get every requests from my May 8th post in there except for a few. Requests from May 8th for captions featuring Katy Perry, Jenna Fischer, Marisol Nichols, Addison Rae, Ariana Grande, Erin Kellyman, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Jhene Aiko, & Kirstin Maldonado will be posted in early July.

But there have been an absolute ton of requests since then too, yay! So I’m listing all the requests that I haven’t gotten to below. If you made a request but don’t see it below that might be for a few reasons. 1) I’ve written it already and it will be posted in June. 2) It’s one of the requests I posted on May 8th so I won’t talk about it here. 3) I considered it a demand not a request (for example, I received two that said “Anything with,” that wasn’t really a request just telling me to do it. Sorry if this bothers some of you but it is an issue with me so make sure you word your requests AS requests). Either way, thanks for the love, lovelies! :D

Anonymous said:

Could you do one with either Kelley O’hara or Alex Morgan from the USWNT about a guy soccer player watching the US win the world cup and then want to be them or something like that?

I actually know who both those are (shockingly enough, I don’t really follow sports) so sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could you do lorengrey captions? She’s so hot

Sorry sweetie, don’t know who that is. :(

Anonymous said:

Hi I just had an idea for a game you could do. It could be where someone has to say as a boy what they’re like physically in stages. So first stage is hair color for example, second stage could be height, third stage could be body type, etc. An example would be if I was a black hair, short height, thick body type, I would match up with someone like Nicki Minaj. Just an idea which you could extend on. Hopefully it makes sense. I appreciate you!

I actually have a game like this mapped out called “Build a Sissy” where you choose age, hair color, and bra size, but it would take a LOT of work to make so I haven’t written it yet. Maybe some day though. :)

Anonymous said:

I would love to see a Tori Kelly caption. Her hair and body are not typical but beautiful for a white girl. I say that last sentence respectfully. I think having a caption with her would be great

Sure thing! Tori Kelly is a cutie. :)

Anonymous said:

Ok I'm not sure if u'll know these 2 cuz even I had to look them up for the names but anne dudek and maitland ward theyre the 2 blonde sisters from white chicks not sure if uve seen it but if u can could u make a caption for them please?

I DO know who they are! I’ve been thinking about doing a White Chicks caps because there’s a lot of cute looks in that movie (especially for Busy Phillips who I just love) so sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could u do Yvette nicole brown from community? Id like to see some big girl love

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

I already know that this request is probably gonna be a No but I still have to ask whats the ruling on GCI enhanced celebrities like Taylor swift from Cats?  Or is that too much like "Furry" stuff. Now I'm Feeling this will be a No for multiple reasons

So it is not an issue with CGI “enhanced” celebrities but for Cats it is because I do not have a Furry fetish and I get uncomfortable thinking about writing caps for it. But I write caps with “manips” all the time (photoshopped images of celebs) so I’m not ruling out CGI enhanced celebs all together.

Anonymous said:

Can you do one of Lindsey stirling? And for the story can it be a guy trying to learn Violin but he cant seem to focus he even tried hot female teachers but it didnt work then he gets a male teacher than he starts focusing and wanting to please the teacher he becomes a sissy sorry its a long request

Sounds fun, sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Hi big fan and I think you’ve been doing amazing work. Is there anyway you could do a story about a guy who loses a bet to sorority girl and is forced to get his nails painted and turned into a girl? I love the idea of having a boys nails painted against his will. I’d love one with Selena Gomez but if you think another celeb would be better I leave that cumpletely to you.

Totally! This sounds fun. :D

Anonymous said:

Can you do thelma and Louise?

I’m assuming you mean Geena Davis & Susan Sarandon from Thelma & Louise so yes. Yes I can. :)

Anonymous said:

Can you do a caption from the movie bridesmaids? Like when theyre all trying on dressess or something?

I haven’t seen Bridesmaids (I know I know) but I can try something. :)

Anonymous said:

it would be super cool if you could do some more games! They’re my fav

Glad you like them! As long as I’m not on hiatus, games will be posted every second Saturday. I’ve already got two set for June. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey huge fan of your recent work and super excited about new caps!! Do you think you could do one about a college guy who drops out in pursuit of being a stand up comedian, but the comedy club needs a female comic so they turn him into a girl? I was thinking maybe Nikki Glaser, she so funny and sexy. Thanks can’t wait to see all your new stuff!!

Oooo, Nikki Glaser is great. Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Can you make a caption about a guy who makes fun of curvy and thicc women, where the women get their revenge and turn the guy into Nia Jax?

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Hi Me again on the topic of the assembly line worker caption sequel if you do it i just an idea for the story like before depicting the sissies "first time"  but you can have it be that the coworker doesnt know and is telling everyone about the chick he slept with last night and the sissy is just thinking "if only they knew"idk i thought it was good anyways thank u again

So this message is in reference to a sequel caption that was requested & that I did write and will be posted in June. I’m sharing it here to let the anon know that I wrote the cap BEFORE I got this second request so there will be a followup but the story will be different. I hope that’s ok.

Anonymous said:

Hi idk if u watch wrestling or not I see u have some captions of wwe womens wrestlers but im not sure have far ur knowledge of it is? Could u do a caption of Rhea Ripley if u know her?

I have never seen a single episode of WWE, I do not watch wrestling, and yet somehow every time someone requests a wrestler I know who she is. Don’t ask me how because I do not know. Anyways, yeah I can do a Rhea Ripley one. :)

Anonymous said:

Could you do a caption about a janitor for sissy co. That finds out the strange goings on at work and tries to blow the whistle on the whole operation but is caught and turned into a sissy maid for the sissy co. Corporate office abit specific I know but ive been thinking on that awhile however u do it will be perfect thanks

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Could you do katheryn Hahn from wandavision specifically the 80s look with the Big hair and aerobics outfit

Oooo, sounds nice. I’ll type that up for sure. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi big fan of your caps!! Do you think you could do a cap where a football player wants to go to the NFL but gets hurt, so they turn him into a female commentator, maybe Lauren Rutledge? If you don’t know her, she’s been a college football reporter for awhile and was also a former Miss Florida. Anyways I just think any guy would be lucky to be turned into her and I love your caps keep up the great work!!

Me: *googles Lauren Rutledge to see if it’s who I’m thinking of* How do I know who this is? Anyways, yes I can write this. :)

...for some reason there are no GIFs of her though so I’m just gonna move on.

Anonymous said:

Hi I'm the one that requested the LONG list of celebs I'm still really sorry about that I didnt realize how many it actually was till I looked back so I wanna retract some for your sake tell ya what if you havent done any already just do the ones that are specifically marked (as in the ones detailed by movie or show theyre in) the ones that are just names you can leave out i knoe its still alot but hopefully that takes some weight off of ya sorry again

You don’t have to be sorry! Like I said, in the future I’d ask that folks limit requests to no more than 3 celebs at a time but you didn’t know that. I’d never said that before. I typed up every celebrity and they’re going to be sprinkled in during June. Hope you like them! :)

Anonymous said:

Hello ^^ I love your work. Can u make a caption with the name "jules" and Ariana Grande please? Thank you

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Hey, not really an ask, but something I needed to share

I'm the one that asked for the Stephanie Beatriz caption from a whole back, and I absolutely loved how it turned out. Each time you roll out a new caption is like a small thrill to me and I read them right as they're released.

Now this wouldn't be an ask if I wasn't asking something, right? Well, next month sees the release of the "In the Heights" movie, and there's an opportunity there to do a series of captions using stephanie Beatriz from that same movie.

In conclusion, I love your captions so much, you're amazing!

Awww, this is such a sweet message. Thank you! And YAAASSSSS! Ever since the first trailer for In the Heights dropped I was like, “I must write a caption with her in this!” So you can imagine how fun it’s been waiting this entire time. *eye twitches*. We’ll have to wait until the movie comes out for me to be sure I can find a good image but this IS a caption I want to write. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi I just recently came across your blog and fell in love with it!! The caption with the football player being turned into Bella Thorne is one of my favorites!! I’d love so much if you could do a sequel or something to that cap it was so amazing and I need to know what else happens to “her”. I’m not sure if this is possible or if you even do sequels but this cap was great and I look forward to all the others!!!

Glad you like it! I’m always looking for sequel captions to write on Throwback Thursday so you’ll get this for sure. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey big fan! Do you think you could do a caption where a short guy gets made fun of by all his girl friends for how short he is? Ariana Grande is fairly short and I think a caption of her (of age of course) would be awesome

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Can you do one with the bella twins as two guys who fought over the same girl then the girl turns them both into look alikes of her but then they start fighting over the same guy

Yep!

Anonymous said:

Do you know suzy berhow? Or angie Griffin? If so would love a caption of either of them please

Sorry sweetie, I don’t know who those are. :(

Anonymous said:

Would appreciate more Sia captions please when u get the chance

I will remember that. :)

Anonymous said:

Can make some Winnie Harlow caption please? I adore her style

Sorry lovely, I don’t know who that is. :(

Anonymous said:

How about instead of removing the captions with Demi in them ,the images of Demi were just replaced with another celeb and if Demi is mentioned by name in the caption then that could be edited  to mention a different celeb. I respect Demi's decision I do but lets not lose some well made captions. Also if you could please make a caption where Amy Adams feminises a fan and raises them as her daughter and Kristen Stewart makes you her submissive wife that would be appreciated. I'm a fan of them.

So about the Demi Lovato captions: I understand your feelings but I’m still going to delete the original captions. Because of how my captions are made I can’t just go back in & swap out an image or edit the text, I have to remake it from the ground up. I am hoping to do that with some (maybe all) of the Demi Lovato captions & re-publish them, but I’m still going to delete the originals.

I can do the Kristen Stewart one for sure and I’ll TRY to do the Amy Adams one I just am not 100% sure I can find a pic for that but we’ll see. :)

Anonymous said:

If it’s possible before your summer hiatus could you do a caption with Amanda Crew (silicon valley, sex drive)?

I will do one with Amanda Crew but I can’t commit to doing it before the hiatus.

About the hiatus: I don’t know when it’s going to be. I want to TRY to make it to at least July 18th because I have a specific game in mind I want to post for 5 years of Celebrity TG Captions games, but after that I have no idea. I’ve been writing caps for a longer stretch of time since normal since I’ve switched to a part-time blog so I might burn out at any second but for right now I’ve still got some juice.

[deathonyourtongue]

August Walker after the crash/recovering on a village hospital hc?

For the purposes of this, I’m gonna retcon that burn, because disfigurement aside, the infection would be a mess and a half. Also, there’s a song that goes with this: Old Fashioned Morphine - Jolie Holland. Lastly, it turned into porn. Sorry not sorry. Enjoy!

~ August Walker is by far the most stubborn patient you’ve ever had, and in a hospital that regularly deals with the who’s who of European society when they get a boo-boo in a foreign country, that’s saying something. 

~ On day one out of his coma, he’s already sitting up and trying to get out of bed. It’s a good thing he’s already cuffed to the bed rails or you’d have had a hell of a time trying to restrain him.

~ For a man who’s about to see multiple years on the inside of a prison cell, he seems to be oddly in a hurry to leave. You chalk it up to him already plotting an escape, and while the CIA is clear that you should report any suspicious activity, you can’t report what you don’t know, so you focus on your duty of care and leave the masterminding to him.

~ By day three post-coma, he’s ready for his first sponge bath and the moment you mention it, the scowl he’s been wearing nearly 24/7 disappears from his face, replaced by an almost pleading look, one you know all too well; patients hate feeling dirty, and Mr. Walker seems to be no exception.

~ You work from the top town, starting with a shampoo and condition of what turn out to be pretty luscious curls. You try your best to ignore the soft sounds of pleasure that escape him as you massage his scalp. After all, who doesn’t like having their head rubbed?

~ His beard and mustache get a good scrub next, and if you weren’t so focused on your task, you’d have noticed the mirth in his eyes. 

~ With the room being private and the CIA staying outside the door, you have no qualms about pulling the sheets down for the next part, and if Walker’s confident expression is anything to go by…Neither does he. 

~ Although you’ve been his sole nurse since his admittance, you’re nevertheless sidetracked for a moment as you take in the sum total of his injuries. His body is mottled black and blue and going over his chart in your head, you’re surprised he’s even able to stay awake, let alone play it cool. You’d be curled up, bawling your eyes out. 

~ Washing his upper body is straightforward, with you being extra gentle over the bruises and abrasions and avoiding his stitches at all costs. You can’t help but secretly enjoy smoothing over the contours of his broad chest and toned stomach with the washcloth, wishing you had someone even half as buff waiting for you back home, let alone a man at all. 

~ He’s at half mast by the time you reach his hips and in daring to look up, you’re surprised to find an impish, boyish look on his face. You were obviously not as subtle in your admiration as you thought you were, or he has a thing for a nurse’s uniform, especially the more antiquated variety the hospital forces all their staff to wear. Either way, it’s clear things are going south in a hurry, but for once, you don’t mind what you know will come next. 

~ Handling him causes a predictable reaction, but the involuntary cant of Walker’s hips comes as a true surprise. How long had it been since he’d been touched? You’re just about to move on to his backside when his voice cuts through the soft music playing through the hospital speakers. You almost can’t believe your ears.

~ “Please?” The word is nearly a whisper and his face is almost pleading when you take another glance up. Debating for a moment, you decide to throw caution to the wind and give him what may very well be his last bit of fun before being thrown in lockup. If anyone asks, you’ll simply remind them of your duty of care.

~ After finding the lubricant, you give him a light coating just so that your glove slips and begin to stroke him slowly. He’s hard as granite in no time and not for the first time, you think to check the strength of the meds running through his IV, still unable to fathom how he can be responding so well to everything.

~ Though you’re content to keep stroking until release, Walker has other plans, and his hand slips as far up your thigh as he can manage in his current position and you know exactly what he actually needs. 

~ “I really shouldn’t be doing this,” you whisper, kicking off your shoes and climbing onto the bed as quietly as possible, grateful that he got one of the newer models that has yet to start creaking.

~ “We all do things we shouldn’t, darling,” he answers with a grin, his voice low and smokey. Its effect goes right between your legs in a way no man has ever managed before. Foreplay isn’t in your vocabulary with him. 

~ You’re careful as you slip him inside, but can’t clamp your mouth shut quick enough to muffle the sound of delight that escapes you as he fills you up in every possible way. Making sure to go easy on his bruised thighs, you start a slow and steady ride, watching as his blue eyes darken with arousal.

~ It’s clear he’d be in control if he weren’t cuffed, Walker’s hands gripping hard at what he can reach of your ass, kneading the skin and muscle as though he were playing with your breasts. 

~ You bite your own knuckle to keep quiet as you pick up the pace, every thrust of his cock hitting your spot dead on the money. His face doesn’t help matters as every rock of your hips brings out more ecstasy in his features.

~ The gasp you let out can’t be helped when his hips buck up hard, sending stars into your vision and waves of orgasm rolling through your body. 

~ He keeps you firmly in place as he cums, and you mewl helplessly as you feel him flood you, hot and thick and sure to leave a mess when you eventually get off him. 

~ Walker’s eyes roll back for a moment and you’re just about to make a quip about life support when you hear the door open. Locking eyes in panic, the only thing you can think to do is pull the curtain, managing to do so in the nick of time. 

~ “Everything alright in there?” One of his handlers calls out, the confusion clear in his voice. 

~ “Never better!” You reply, eyes going wide when Walker purposely thrusts up one last time, his smirk unmissable.

[lizallanapologist]

The problematic behavior of Tomdaya stans; a thread

Some of you might not be aware of the stalkerish problematic stuff tomdaya stans have done with Tom and Zendaya’s life but it’s gotten to the point where Tom’s own brothers protect with big scrutiny every single female in Tom’s life because they fear they’re going to get bullied or harassed. This is not OK and this has to stop so we’re exposing their toxic behavior. 

This is only to bring awareness and we do not condom any hate or death threats, don’t send hate to tomdaya accounts, either block them or report them but don’t bully them. Many of them might need professional help dealing with the fact that Tom and Z are not together due to the fact that they created an illusion in their heads for a long time but that doesn’t mean some of them aren’t plenty manipulative and love to get away with bullying and harassment. 

If you don’t know, Tom was recently seen with another woman on his instagram, not going to say the name and please don’t try to find out about her, the relevant information is in this post and all of the private information regarding her is being protected for the same reasons. Many stans decided to apply the same treatment to her as they did to Olivia. If you don’t know what happened last year, all information is here. The fact that this kind of bullying and harassment got overlooked is horrifying. 

This specific behavior doesn’t apply to all of the stans but the vast majority is on the same page. 

A big thanks to all the blogs who contributed with information and their writing in this post.

STALKING 

1. Tomdaya stans have made an entire thread/timeline of events in Tom and Zendaya's life that they manipulated so it can be seen as proof of them dating. They stalk every single part of their lives, from paying stalkerish apps to review their instagram activities daily to having a constant GPS to know their exact locations everyday. They ask twitter accs, owners of restaurants/stores, people close to them information about their whereabouts/the things they buy or eat/who they were with, etc.

They order their ‘’interactions’’ with specific dates and they even know information you shouldn’t know about them. 

They pay for apps that helps them stalk their every move. That’s right, they take every like as proof of them being together. 

They hide behind the pretext that they're celebrities and this is what they've signed up for but neither Tom nor Zendaya have signed up for constant daily harassment of their partners in life. 

HARASSMENT OF PARTNERS

Tom was seen last year with a blonde girl called Olivia, everyone speculated that was his girlfriend and that was something everyone should’ve respected since it’s Tom’s life and he’s in control of it, instead, many fans including Tom H. crazy fans and tomdaya stans, decided to stalk and harass Olivia to the point she had to make her account private. They started bullying her by publicly calling her names like ‘’Olive Oil’’, ‘’Ugly old woman’’, ‘’Ugly fake bitch’’ among other names. They continuously compare her with Zendaya and write on her friends and family members’ social media and ask them to tell Olivia nasty things. You really think this is ok? 

Same is happening with the girl Tom was seen with. Tom’s own brothers asked several people to take down and delete the video because they were disrupting her privacy. Many stans didn’t care and started all over again harassing the girl. (I’m not posting images or the identity of this new girl in hopes that this helps maintain a little big of privacy for her.) 

However here are some examples of them harassing Olivia:

’’I saw a troubling post on twitter about this fan dming another fan saying that they’d kill her (Olivia). That they’d find a way. So that “the fans can have him all to ourselves” - source

MANIPULATING THE NARRATIVE

Tomdaya stans and some Tom Holland crazy stans love to harass Tom Holland to the point that they tag family members and friends only because he decided to go out in public with Olivia. They call him cheater, manipulator, a dumbass, made fun of him because Tom is dyslexic calling him an illiterate, mocked him and tried to cancel him in every opportunity given by manipulating everyone into thinking some of these ‘’facts’’ are true. 

Many fans don’t know better and go to social media to frame Tom as a scumbag because many tomdaya stans have convinced the public of this.

This same issue occurs with Zendaya. Her known boyfriend; Jacob Elordi, is frequently called a cheater and is being investigated every five seconds on every social media, candid, interaction ever. Many fans are already calling him cheater, telling everyone Zendaya’s changed her behavior thanks to Jacob and that she needs help. 

Source

BULLYING

The definition of cyberbullying according to Stopbullying.gov:

“Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place over digital devices like cell phones, computers, and tablets. Cyberbullying can occur through SMS, Text, and apps, or online in social media, forums, or gaming where people can view, participate in, or share content. Cyberbullying includes sending, posting, or sharing negative, harmful, false, or mean content about someone else. It can include sharing personal or private information about someone else causing embarrassment or humiliation. Some cyberbullying crosses the line into unlawful or criminal behavior. “

Examples of cyberbullying on Tumblr from good ole Toutdesuite360:

https://toutdesuite360.tumblr.com/post/190572803098/faces-haha-ive-heard-this-has-been-memed-when

Making fun of Jacob Elordi’s wealth… but that isn’t that only thing that the Tomdaya stans have done.

She basically implied that Olivia looked like an elderly lady, and she permitted her followers to humiliate her.

Funny, that a middle aged woman who has never revealed her face on her blog is bullying a young woman.

(She may have deleted the link to save her a** on the post with the Cher pictures, but thankfully @crazypeopleonfandom​ took screenshots of this post; I got most of my photos from them)

The next aren’t pertaining to the ‘innocent’ Toutdesuite360, just some random jerks from Twitter/Instagram. If you have the time, you can read through them.

See the pictures above and below for reference.

Labelling Zendya, Jacob E., Tom, and Olivia as cheaters, when there was no confirmed relationship between Tom and Z, and Jacob broke up with Cari already is plain disrespectful. These are type of claims are considered slander, and I’m surprised that the people who own these accounts haven’t been rightfully sued.

And remember when I talked about the repetition of people tagging Tom and Z’s family for their ‘thoughts’? Why are you tagging Nikki in your post?

Calling Olivia, once again, a vulgar word that shouldn’t be used for any woman.

This person and many other tomdayas are harassing Zendaya and Tom by tagging them repeatedly. Now we know why Tom stopped using Twitter, and why he may be taking breaks from social media.

And, as pointed out in another point on the thread: Tom has dyslexia! I easily ignore the posts that tease him about his lips, but when it comes to his disability, that crosses the line. It is unacceptable to bully someone just because your fantasy relationship doesn’t seem so real now.

Before I finish this point, I just want to remind people that celebrities are humans too. Everyone has feelings, and even if they haven’t seen these posts, it is still harmful to post this kind of information on your account. Fans who are young (or naive) may see these posts, thus making them believe that Tom actually cheated on Z, and that Z is really with Jacob as ‘payback’ to Tom. Bullying is still an ongoing issue, and maybe you should stop harassing/humiliating people on your platform.

DEATH THREATS

Olivia, Tom and his family, friends, Zendaya, Jacob Elordi, etc. They were sent death threats as a result of a fictional ship. This is truly upsetting and we’ve shown some proof of that above and it’s truly sickening how many of them really want to attack Olivia in public only because of a few photographs. 

DEBUNKING EVIDENCE

While we don’t know anything for sure, we need to trust and respect what Tom and Zendaya have said several times: they were never together and they were just friends. This is a topic that makes them feel uncomfortable and tomdaya stans decide to twist their words every time they want to clarify the situation, saying they’re hiding their relationship and that they’ve been hiding it for over 3 years. 

Stop believing everything SpideyParker on YouTube says, that person desperately wants them together so they’ll do anything in their power to make it seem like that they’re ’’still together’’. All of their evidence is also nothing but scraps. I can also make a video cropping out certain individuals from the frame to make it look like Tom is with someone or I can also investigate every tiny detail to a borderline degree to make it seem like Zendaya is dating someone. It’s really easy to manipulate the truth, so don’t fall for these things so easily. Check with the real sources, Tom and Zendaya. Trust and respect what they say it’s not your job to investigate and figure their lives out.

Their evidence of the relationship is ridiculous, stuff like them wearing the same clothes,

because obviously there’s no way this jacket is in any random store in the world...This is a unique jacket, made by Tom and Z specifically...And it’s not even the same jacket. If we’re going by their logic, then

More, more, more and more.

Source

Robert Downey Jr. and Tom have been in a relationship for a long time...

Angourie, Remy and Tom wearing the same jacket.

I have no idea what’s going on with the freaking necklace you swear with blood that Zendaya gave him but that’s hardly something special:

Matching necklace with Olivia.

Avengers necklace.

He likes necklaces, nothing special here.

'’Tom only goes to Zendaya’s home, and only goes out with her!’’

Tom Holland went to RDJ's house to watch Black Panther with him.

Tom and RDJ facetime daily.

Obviously, his only friend is Zendaya...

Look at him and Zendaya there, wow.

‘‘Tom looks at her with heart eyes and in a very special way!’‘

Excuse me, what is he supposed to do? Ignore Zendaya and look somewhere else every time she talks?  

MORE

He literally looks at everyone the same way.

‘‘He only does Spider-Man because he wants to be the Peter Parker to his Mary Jane, one of the most romantic comic book couples!’‘

I can’t believe I once read this as proof but I haven’t forgotten about it.

Interview with Tom and Laura:

“Is Zendaya’s character Mary Jane Watson?’’

Tom Holland: “No, no! This is one of those rumours, that like, we’ve all said it’s not true.

Laura Harrier: It’s not true!

Tom Holland: Like, we keep on… You guys keep building yourselves up for disappointment.

Laura Harrier: Unless we don’t know how this started? Because you guys are gonna see this movie and be like “…Ugh.” She’s Michelle!

Tom Holland: She’s a character called Michelle.

Laura Harrier: She’s playing Michelle.

Tom Holland: 100%. Hands down. Her character’s called Michelle. And she’s sort of this weird, quirky one in the friendship group that Peter has. She’s funny, but she’s super strange.

Laura Harrier: Yeah, super dry humour.

Tom Holland: She’s 100% not Mary Jane. It’s funny, everyone’s like “Is she Mary Jane?” and I’m like NO, I’M TELLING YOU! SHE’S NOT MARY JANE!

Source

‘‘He did the Will Smith thing with her, he loves her!’‘

‘’He only ever talks about her! He only praises her!’’

Angourie Rice.

Robert Downey Jr, 2, 3

Laura Harrier, 2

Elizabeth Olsen.

Jacob Batalon.

Chris Hemsworth.

Jake Gyllenhaal.

And the list goes on and on.

‘‘He always goes to her special events only! He only goes to her parties! He only goes to hospitals with her! He was on the set of Euphoria with her!’‘

How about, he goes out with her and everyone else in group and individually? He goes out with Harrison alone, with Jacob alone, with Laura alone, etc. I love how many of them love to leave out certain people to make everyone believe it’s only the two of them. And he doesn’t only goes to hospitals with her, he’s gone with many other people and he does it because he’s a good person, not because he’s on a date with Zendaya. 

Tom AND Jacob visit Zendaya on the set of the Greatest Showman.

Tom and friends celebrating Harrison’s birthday party.

Tom on a double date.

Tom going to Joe Russo’s restaurant to get an exclusive cooking lesson from Jessica Largey.

Tom on birthday parties.

Tom, Laura, Harrison and Harry out for dinner in Brazil.

Tom, Brie Larson, Tessa Thompson, and Zachary Levi in a club in Brazil.

Tom, Laura, Jacob, Harrison in a pool party.

RDJ & Tom Holland visit Jon’s restaurant and participate on his show.

Tom Holland visits Doctor Strange’s set.

Tom Holland, Ciara Bravo, Joe Russo visit haunted attraction.

He’s a good person and loves supporting his friends.

‘‘He only has chemistry with her!’‘

Tom and RDJ’s extraordinary chemistry.

Tom and Jake’s chemistry.

Tom and Jacob’s chemistry.

Tom and Laura’s chemistry.

Tom and Daisy’s chemistry.

Tom and Chris Pratt’s chemistry.

Also Will Smith, Chris Hemsworth, etc. 

Look below for Ciara and Tom’s chemistry.

Like I said before, maybe he’s a good actor and that’s it? 

‘‘Their FFH kiss was too real and magical!’‘

Spoiler alert for Cherry

Fan about witnessing Tom’s kiss with Ciara Bravo:

His reaction about kissing Laura Harrier:

‘‘He LOVES touching her’‘

I’m sorry, is he supposed to be scared of touching people?

This is it. This is the big touch they always talk about and the only times they’ve ever held hands is in manips or in FFH, but that doesn’t count, those are fictional characters. Well...

Maybe he’s a touchy person. Consider that.

’’She’s the only one that knows him well!’’

How well do Zendaya, Jacob, & Laura know Tom?

I’m sure Harrison, RDJ, his friends and others know him pretty well too. 

And only because he knows she likes ice cream doesn't mean she’s his ultimate soulmate or something blown out of proportion.

‘‘He’s only a gentleman with her!’‘

Tom saves Gina Rodriguez

Tom rescues fan

Karen Gillan

‘‘He looked way too in love with MJ to be fake’‘

Nope.

Nope 2

Nope 3

It’s called acting, pretty sure you guys know by now he’s good.

‘’They’re inseparable!’‘

Jacob, Tom and Harrison 

Also, why is it that every female in his life is his cousin, aunt, close childhood friend or ‘’he probably hates her’’ for you? 

They’ve said this multiple times but:

In an interview with Elle, Tom said he is not involved with anyone at the moment but is "definitely a relationship person." And when addressing the rumors, he says it’s uncomfortable and annoying when people ship him and Zendaya together. 

Zendaya also denied the claims, telling Variety Magazine that she and Tom were simply ‘just friends’. 

You can ship them if you want, as a bromance or cute chemistry, but not at the expense of someone else. Not when you violate their privacy, their lives and specially not when you bully, harass and stalk every detail of their lives.

Zendaya is clearly very happy with Jacob Elordi:

Let her have that. No, she doesn’t look miserable with him, no, he didn’t change her style or her personality. No, she doesn’t dress differently because of him. She is the same as always, she looks even happier. Let her be. This is good for her. She has every right to go out in public with her boyfriend. And for the love of god, stop commenting on her instagram posts ‘’warning’’ her that Jacob is going to cheat on her. Hopefully that won’t happen ever. 

And no, they’re not going to magically ’’get back together’’ when Spider-Man 3 starts filming, stop wishing bad luck on Zendaya and Jacob’s relationship. Tom is not going to magically realize how ‘’wrong’’ he was for ‘’leaving’’ Zendaya. He never left her, he’s her friend. 

All of this have gotten to the point where Tom can’t have a friendship with a female and he has to ‘’protect’’ them every time he wants to interact with them. Do you guys seriously think this is ok? Are you really a fan of his if this is how you want him to live? Controlling him all the time? 

Do you realize how wrong and unfair it is for the other partner every time you comment in every single picture on instagram, twitter, etc about how ‘’cute’’ Tom and Zendaya are? About how ‘’ugly’’ Olivia is? How about when you compare Zendaya and Olivia, or every single female in Tom’s life? Or when you comment on Zendaya’s instagram telling her she is different now and that you don’t like her now because she’s changed for Jacob? Telling her that Jacob is going to cheat on her? Stop sending death threats to the partners, stop tagging their families in your ‘’evidence/proof’’ posts/tweets. Just because they don’t voice these things doesn’t mean they don’t read them. 

Being sincere, if you all, as a collective; really, genuinely cared about Tom, this is the last thing you would wanna pull. In your endless obsession with thinking you have a right to dictate the life of a man simply because he's famous; actually stopped once to consider how this is possibly making Tom and Zendaya feel?? You are basically sending the message that nobody is enough, that him being happy isn't enough, that he won't ever be allowed to be happy until he gets with the person YOU think is best for him. Fucking abhorrent, how they don't have a choice on who they choose to fucking love. This is how you make a celebrity jaded. THIS is how you make a celebrity hate you. And he will, unless you stop your bullshit, and treat him; and whoever he decides to be with, like human beings.

When you focus only on two people it’s easy to believe anything, try and see the bigger picture. Allow Zendaya and Tom to enjoy their lives without harassing them and their partners.

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

ᴊᴏᴇꜱᴛᴀʀ ꜱʏɴᴅɪᴄᴀᴛᴇ | Yakuza!AU | Head Canons | 19+ [𝕁𝕁𝔹𝔸]

[JOESTARS] [JOBROS i] [JOBROS ii] [JOBROS iii] [JOBROS iv]

Here is the final part to the headcanons~! I’ll definitely be writing and throwing out the headcanons and one shots etc soon~! Which also means you all are more than welcome to make any requests you’re curious about with characters from this AU~!

» » Admin Ko

TW; Mentions of Gore and bodily harm

»»————-　♔　————-««

𝔼𝕣𝕞𝕖𝕤 ℂ𝕠𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕠 [23]

Like Okuyasu and Bruno, Ermes is Jolyne’s right hand woman. Though instead of a hierarchy, the pair work side by side whilst bouncing ideas off one another to help further their reign throughout the prison. 

In Green Dolphin, they’re considered the bosses instead of the single boss. Even Jolyne’s siblings see them both as a pair rather than just Jolyne. Once, Ermes has asked if the thought had bothered her but the multicolored hair woman merely waved it off with a scoff. “You think I can run this shit alone? It’s easier to work side by side with someone you trust than through some shitty system.”

Those words stuck to Ermes and she completes her job to the absolute fullest because of it. When facing other commanders from other factions she doesn’t falter and holds herself quite well. Her strength falling in line with her persuasive swindling skills and mean right hook when need be. 

Between herself and Jolyne, she’s more of the one who likes to think out her plans of attack and torture rather than running in head first. Though of course she’s the one who ends up running in as back-up for Jolyne when the younger runs head first into danger.

𝔽𝕠𝕠 𝔽𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕤 [21]

One of Jolyne’s top assassins. F.F., as she’s better known as, isn’t quite in touch with her emotions and performs killings with ease and absolutely no remorse. She does ask question in mortality, and when given the answer to follow her heart she ends up slaughtering for the sake of what Jolyne desires or what would be most beneficial to her. 

Her trust for the other commanders falls rather low, the exception being Ermes, but other than both bosses she doesn’t feel a lick of connection to the other two commanders.

Besides being the top assassin, F.F. is also the best at getting rid of the bodies within the prison if the staff happens to be incompetent or scared shitless to even move from their posted spots.

Once made one of the new staff members clean a newly dismembered body with nothing but the bare minimum of cleaning supplies. After that she was told by Ermes to not break the new meat too quickly less they lose the last mental capacities of the new toys given to them.

ℕ𝕒𝕣𝕔𝕚𝕤𝕠 𝔸𝕟𝕒𝕤𝕦𝕚 [22]

Another one of Jolyne’s assassins. Though he is much more of the stable than his two fellow assassins, Anasui has his own fair share of moments of emotional relapse. Similar to F.F., he loses touch of his emotions once he gets into the habit of slaughtering and dismembering remains. 

He is one of the only members to have learned of Diavolo’s secret methods of psychological torture when he and Jolyne had visited Giorno in Italy. Least to say, when they had to send a ‘message’ to a pesky organization he sent them their agent back in 22 pieces resting in a beautifully clear resin tomb. 

Out of the jobs he does, he much prefers the torture and interrogation methods rather than going out to assassinate. He has much more fun within the prison than out of it. 

𝕎𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 ℝ𝕖𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥 [24]

The most unstable assassin under Jolyne’s chain of commands. With his mood swings, he’s been put under hypnosis and with the right phrase (That only Ermes and Jolyne know) he can instantly snap and become a psychotic emotionless killer. 

He’s the one who takes care of business the most outside of the prison and reports back practically daily at the strike of 7AM. It baffles the two bosses to no end, but have learned to work around the odd quirk Weather has. 

Despite his cold exterior and expressionless face, Weather actually thoroughly enjoys being out from the prison and relishes every second that he’s out from the suffocating world. Of course he doesn’t hate it per say, but it can definitely be a place where the air itself was being shoved mercilessly down your throat. 

𝔻𝕚𝕖𝕘𝕠 𝔹𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕠 [27]

Dio Brando’s younger brother, and the step brother for all Joestars within the family tree. Though out of all the Joestars, the Englishmen found himself feeling more closely associated with Johnny than any of the others. 

Unlike his older brother Dio, Diego has based himself within the west coast of the Americas. His faction being based more in California and the lower southwest. Though he won’t admit it, he’s rather glad that he has connections to the other Joestars within the country.

Compared to Dio, Diego much prefers to use his resources to their full potential to claw his way up to the top. Like Johnny, he has invested himself in the competition business as well as a small interest in the police force. 

Diego absolutely loves to circle and prey on his victim’s mental state. The stronger it is, the more he enjoys absolutely decimating every little mental wall they have put up. 

Surprisingly enough, he actually frequents trips to the east coast to meet up with Joseph and Jolyne whenever he has a moment to spare. Again, unlike his older brother Diego likes to make solid connections with people who have more power or control than him. In the end it helps him grow more as an individual and to eventually take over himself. 

He rarely will call Dio. The only times the Brando pair will speak is when the whole family is back at the Joestar estate on official business. 

He also makes frequent trips to Italy for purchases in arms from Giorno as well as to get closer to his ‘favorite’ Joestar. To Diego, there’s a weird sort of connection he gets from Giorno in terms of connection, but says nothing of it. To this day, he’s still doing research on the younger’s past.

He actually doesn’t hate Johnny. Instead, it’s more of a competitive  tension between the two on who can do what faster, better, or efficiently. 

𝔾𝕪𝕣𝕠 ℤ𝕖𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕝𝕚 [28]

Johnny’s most trusted right hand man. Within the faction, he is the only really well known fighter and advisor for the male; but after Johnny’s incapacitation Gyro has taken on the role as Johnny’s personal body guard. 

He actually doesn’t do any of the mundane simplistic things for Johnny, instead he still treats the other as if he was never incapacitated in the first place and will discuss strategies as well as business deals with potential clients. 

Besides being a main combatant and advisor, Gyro is also the main medic within the faction. He gets visits from not only those in his own faction, but by Joseph’s, Jolyne’s, and to his utter surprise Diego. 

It’s no secret that Gyro absolutely despises Diego, but forces himself to put up with the other’s antics for the sake of a business front and to keep himself from entangling himself anymore into the Joestar-Brando mess. 

Besides being a medic, he takes absolute pride in being the bringer of hope and the destroyer of dreams when he visits a mauled victim. 

Practically relishes in the fact that he can heal someone’s injuries just to be able to break or kill them. It may seem like a god-complex (and it is) but it’s just his dirty little secret and Johnny knows all to well of this. Thus resulting in the Italian man having a nice list of victims to release his urges on.

ℍ𝕠𝕥 ℙ𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕤 [26]

A faction commander to both Diego and Johnny. When she was first faced with treason for sabotage and being a mole she was put in an interrogation between the two. Though whatever had happened within the interrogation she ended coming out unharmed and with a new deal to be a commander for both men. 

Despite the amount of work unloaded from both of them, she handles it all with ease. Gaining Lisa Lisa’s approval from Day 1 when she had met all of the other commanders and connections to the Joestar family. 

In a sense, she’s a hired hit man who was officially bought to be a Joestar hit man. 

She definitely enjoys getting a clean kill, but the best moment she had was during a recon mission and she had ended up killing her target by stepping on his throat with her stiletto and practically puncturing a hole through the windpipe while  grinding the heel in as the victim choked and died beneath her.

After that moment and description no one really fucks with her and treats her with the utmost respect.

[keyblade-nocturne]

I don’t know when I’m going to post the group of one-shots this is linked too. Since I’m doing the word prompts right now. But I really like this one section. It’s the only part I feel I’ve figured out fully.

I don’t have a name for these one shot’s I just know they’re all Demyx and Xemnas interactions. Which is probably a really strange concept to have a one-shot series about. I hope this snippet can convince you there is a story to tell and spoilers I plan to tell it.

Written from Xemnas’ POV so like yeah that’s new for me. Let me know if you think I wrote him OOC. Takes place in the early days of the org. Demyx is probably 15-16 here. Enjoy!

The Room Where Nothing Gathers empty’s slowly after the closing of the organization’s most recent meeting. They had just recently gained their 12th member and their goals seemed closer by the day. Xemnas is satisfied with how the meeting went. All members were now being sent off on more complicated missions. All except one, a certain nobody that had yet to leave the room.

“Is there an issue number IX?”

A quiet huff comes from the hooded figure sitting a few chairs down his arms crossed as he slouched in his chair. It was almost impressive how quickly Demyx had picked up the mimicry of human emotional reactions. If only those reactions weren’t constantly being used to avoid or get out of things the teen didn’t want to do. Vexen had theorized the quick adaptability came from his teenage form. Something about teenagers naturally being “overly emotional beings”. Such issues with VII and VIII had been dealt with in the early days of the organization and no. VI had grown up a Nobody. He never had the chance to form such emotional reactions.

Demyx finally pulls down his hood to talk face to face with Xemnas. He was hopefully ready to explain the issue so Xemnas could move on from this conversation.

“Why is everyone else getting fun missions while I’m stuck with the boring stuff?”

“We are Nobodies number IX we do not-“

“-Feel enjoyment from our missions. I know I know. Fine then why do they have the more desirable missions?”

Maybe this conversation wouldn’t be a waste of time. Demyx’s work ethic had always been lack luster and his bare bone reports left much to be desired. Vexen had tested him to confirm it had nothing to do with a lower education level. Demyx was just lazy. But if Xemnas found a mission that kept Demyx’s attention it would be more productive for everyone.

“What about their missions make them more desirable than yours?”

“Xaldin’s exploring like three different castles right now. Axel and Marluxia just got paired up for their first “clean up” mission. Luxord’s being sent on a long undercover mission as a pirate. A pirate! And I’m stuck going to the same 4 worlds to confirm that yes there are still heartless on them.”

“More difficult missions are given to members that have proven they can handle the responsibility. It is a waste of time and resources to send someone less skilled and then be forced to send another to actually finish the job. Do you understand?”

“Yeah I guess.”

Xemnas watches Demyx slouch farther into his chair. It looked like Xemnas’ explanation was getting through to the boy. Xemnas starts trying to think of a compromise. He would not send Demyx on a mission he was not prepared for. But it was also clear Demyx held potential that was not being used to its fullest. He needed a mission that would push him to try and become stronger.

“Hmm perhaps there is another way to utilize your talents.”

Demyx looks back up, “What really?” It’s clear he didn’t expect Xemnas to come up with a compromise.

“Indeed. No. IV and no. VI have been cataloging some new worlds. Without a Princess of Heart they are not of immediate interest to us, but knowledge of these worlds may be useful in the future.”

“New worlds? Okay! I can go check them out.” Demyx’s reaction confirmed a change of scenery was all he needed to keep his attention on a mission.

“Of course more detailed reports will be required if you are the only member we are sending to investigate these worlds.” Was it really this easy to get Demyx to focus on a mission and possibly write useful reports?

Demyx sighs but nods. “Yeah okay. I get why my reports of these places would be important.”

“Do you remember what will be expected on a report about a new world?”

“Important people, important places, important events/holidays, important rules, and what powerful heartless are there.”

“Correct. I will inform Zexion he is to give you the coordinates of the first new world for tomorrow’s mission. Today you are to complete the mission you have already been given. Fully.”

Demyx sighs and it’s clear he’s trying to not roll his eyes at his Superior. “Yeah yeah I’ll get it done.”

Demyx then does something unexpected he smiles at Xemnas and gets a small salute. “Thanks Superior.” Demyx finally portals out of the Room where Nothing Gathers missing Xemnas’ one raised eyebrow at the gesture.

So yeah this is the conversation that led to Demyx being sent on advanced recon missions. Later on I planned to reveal that the new worlds were worlds in kh3. Since the “Real” Org seemed to immediately know who was where and was just checking in or using the world for an experiment. They may have been new worlds to Sora but they couldn’t have been that new for the organization. 

But seriously tell me how you think I did at writing Xemnas. He’s obviously different from my usual style and I’d like some tips if I missed anything obvious. I know some of ya’ll have written him before.

[porchwood]

Hi just so I understand cause i keep waiting for it and it doesnt seem likely to happen have you kind of fallen out of love with wtm? and everlark in general tbh? cause ive been following you for a while now and you always had lil quotes and pictures and things that reminded you inspired you whatever it was about katniss and wtm and now alllll it is is gadge i followed you because personally i love what you did with everlark and im just wondering if thats gone and not foreseeable any time soon?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to answer this… It’s afair question - to a point. If you’re more of a drop-in person (like me) thanlive-on-the-dash, coming back to find my blog awash in Gadge might have beenquite upsetting. There are several reasons for the current state of things:

1. Life has been driving me into the ground since December26, 2013. (Yes, going on six straight years.) If you were a WtM reader from thebeginning, you may recall that I was pretty energetic and prolific in 2012-2013.Oh, there were tough times, but nothing like what started on the aforementioneddate (a car accident where I was in the “bystander” vehicle and it still got totaled)and has continued relentlessly ever since. Sometimes adversity leads to greatcreativity and sometimes it turns you into a depressed, exhausted, reclusivelump, and the past 5+ years have seen periods of both from me. These past 18months have been exceptionally awful (and expensive), resulting in very littlewriting at all, about any pairing.

2. Writing WtM takes a lot out of me. I don’t know whether thisis common knowledge or not, but it’s the gospel truth. I love that world, Ilove that version of Everlark, but every chapter requires so much hard work, itmakes me tired just to think of it. Not to mention, over the past couple of chaptersEverlark have been pushing for more intimacy than the plot/timeline allows, andso I’ve been struggling with how I want to handle that. Do I fight them andstick to the plan? (I can’t advance the timeline for several reasons.) Do I tryto figure out a cheat for them? They’ve got minds of their own and have changedmy plans multiple times, but this is something they genuinely can’t have, and Ihave to fight them on it. ☹ Which is sad, frustrating, and exhausting.

3. I’m a multi-pairing shipper, and have been from about 3chapters into WtM. Which means that my Everlark fics almost always feature asecondary pairing (or more than one), and sometimes I’ll get a plot bunny for afic about a pairing other than Everlark. Most writers in the THG fandom exclusivelywrite their OTP, whatever the plot bunny, but I find that some plot bunnies don’tfit Everlark as well as they do another pairing. (This is why I’ll never write aBeauty and the Beast Everlark fic unless Katniss is the “Beast,” if you will.)

4. The Everlark fandom is…tricky. I’ve never fit in there. Idon’t write Everlark the way the majority of fans see them (except for Peetabeing “sweet,” I guess), I hated the movies (I refuse to see MJ 1 or 2), and I’vemanaged to really rub some people the wrong way over the years –unintentionally, and for a variety of reasons – all of which leaves me feeling kinda down about Everlark in general. Don’t misunderstand me: I love Everlarkand WtM, but it’s really isolating to be this sad little island of unpopularopinions and unwelcome side-ships. That’s the part I really wish I could makeyou understand. For six years I’ve had Christopher Plummer in my head saying, “You’llnever be one of them,” and he’s so, cruelly, right. I want to cry every time Ithink of Embracing the Season (my E-rated Everlark modern AU oneshot for Lovein Panem - lots of daring for me!) because I poured heart and soul into that andit still wasn’t the Everlark that people wanted.

5. About a year and a half ago (when Strawberry Time reallytook off of its own accord) I participated in Gadge Day 2017, working my buttoff to find and schedule (and tag) over 100 carefully chosen Gale/Madge/Gadge aestheticposts, and for lack of a better way to say it: it turned on my Gadge-dar. After that, thosekinds of posts just leapt out at me whenever I had a chance to scroll, and forseveral months I wasn’t sure what to do with that. With a little encouragementfrom @ghtlovesthg, I came up with #march madgeness – wherein I turned my Tumblrinto Madge/Gadge-land for one month, and it was a blast. (Side-stepping Gadgefor a moment: Madge is a highly underappreciated and underused character,especially in fic/on Tumblr and I love splashing the dash with Madge-love.) Thenext month I launched a run of pent-up Everlark posts (i.e., regularprogramming), but I missed my Madge, so I instituted #madge monday – one day aweek when I could splash the dash with Madge/Gadge. At every juncture I gavepeople tags to block if they didn’t want to see this content (though I stillget unfollows every time I post, alas). I participated in last summer’s THG Reread– on the fringe of it, but my posts (reblogs and meta) were strongly Everlark-focusedagain during that time. So there’s definitely still been Everlark on my blog,but if you’re just dropping in (or for that matter, glancing at my archive), you’regoing to see a majority of Madge/Gadge.

6. Frankly, Gadge is fun. It’s a completely different dynamicthan Everlark, with less pressure to create something transcendent, and whenthe chips are down, I’m more likely to work on something that isn’t my six-years-runningopus. This spring, in the midst of lots of awfulness, I finally wrote a piecethat I’ve had in my head for years – The Best Part of Waking Up – with a differentpairing featured in each drabble “chapter,” including Gadge, Luka/Johanna (whoI’ve been wanting to put out there for AGES) and Jack/Raisa. I haven’t beenable to write quickly in years, and I think I finished those three “chapters”in about two days, maybe three. I completed the Raisa drabble in a couple ofhours and I consider it one of the best things I’ve ever written. (Honestly, ifa pairing was going to topple Everlark in my heart, it would be Jack/Raisa, i.e.,Mr. Everdeen/Mrs. Mellark. I love them to distraction.) Once upon a time I could drabble/sprint Everlark too – notoften, but I could manage it. Maybe it’ll happen again someday, but for thetime being, when I write in quick eager bursts, it’s usually about aside-pairing.

7. Because I just need to say it: about a year ago, I set up a secondary Tumblr for almost all my side-interests and ships outside of THG. When I first joined Tumblr, porchwood was just a fun page where I posted whatever struck my fancy (pretty things, funny things, whatever I liked), and over the next few years, I honed it into a pretty “writer’s notebook” for WtM and my other THG fics (related quotes, aesthetic posts, writing check-ins, etc.). When Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out, I shared a handful of posts pertaining to a new ship (not a new direction for my blog or writing, just sharing my excitement) and it was made very clear to me that people didn’t want to see that content on my page. So when I started watching Voltron: Legendary Defender, I had a sneaking suspicion people wouldn’t want to hear about those ships either. So I started an entirely new Tumblr for that content, and every so often I accidentally post something to the wrong page, which I immediately correct in horror, but people still unfollow. Point being: this blog is THG (and a few personal life updates) ONLY, with a pretty consistent aesthetic. I hide literally everything else that I’m interested in so you don’t have to be bothered by it. Is it really so unacceptable for me to have side-ships (complementary to the main pairing, not threatening to them) in the same universe??

8. Believe it or not, I’ve been working on WtM all along,just not making any massive strides. I tried to chip away at the current chapterduring Camp Nanowrimo last July, and it was a disaster. I thought joining awriting group would be helpful, but I didn’t realize that Camp Nano is basicallya lot of writing sprints in which you try to churn out as many words aspossible, which you then report to your “cabin” – and that’s the onlyinteraction with your fellow writers. I can’t write like that anymore (seeabove) and especially not when it comes to WtM, so I got discouraged veryquickly and sort of drifted away. I reattempted Nano on my own in April and wrotealmost 15K words, but in that instance I was really just using the Nano platform toset and reach a goal (which I didn’t ☹ ); I wasn’t in a cabin and didn’t interact with anyother writers, except my friend @ghtlovesthg, who read the finished portion.

9. I want to finish this dang chapter so much, and frankly, theonly way that’s going to happen is if life gets a little better and I holemyself up with my laptop for hours on end for weeks at a time – and somemagical being comes to support/cheer/comfort me while I do so. It’s currentlysitting at about 25K and I anticipate it will need to be at least double that,which is beyond ridiculous, but that’s the nature of WtM. The chapters are asmany words as it takes.

TL, DR: I still love Everlark and I’m still working on WtM, but my life has been extremely difficult for a very long time and I don’t have a great Everlark lifeline. Gadge and all my other ships are fun, and most of the Gadge you see on my Tumblr is aesthetic stuff for themed days/months/occasions. Anything non-THG goes on my sideblog.

[audiogrizzly]

Top 5 Games of 2019

It was a little tricky to construct a top 5 for this year, though there have been a couple of surprises.  I wasn’t expecting the year to be a bit crap as we are no w on the cusp once more of a new generation.  But 2012 wasn’t all that bad of a year (PS4 and Xbox One would release in 2013) and at the moment, everyone is doing alright.  PS4 has sold through over 100 million systems, Nintendo are definitely on an “on” generation with Switch, Xbox has been able to get back into peoples good books with things like Game Pass (on both Console and PC, their PC side they seem to really be turning around), there’s even interesting things happening in the mobile space with Apple Arcade.

This won’t be the last year where my top 5 games are full of current gen titles, I am expecting the new systems to drop in around November, last time it was hard to find a top 5 specific to PS4 (as I listed each platform separately back then).  It IS however, another list of mostly AAA tier games.  If you want to know what smaller more “interesting” games I have been playing, check out my honourable mentions at the end.

Also, follow me on Melee.  It’s this new image blogging service from Imgur which you can download now on the IOS App Store (its just on iPhone at the moment) and it has seemingly been built to help people share gaming related clips and images off of places like Twitter and Instagram (and err, here on Tumblr).  I posted a couple of daft clips of me failing in Modern Warfare and Destiny 2 and it didn’t take long for them to amass a few likes and comments.

That sounded like a sponsored advert but ain’t nobody paying me for this.  Let’s get into my top 5

5. Star Wars Jedi Fallen Order

I was about to select Gears 5 to be my number 5 until I saw sense and cast my memory back to when I started playing Jedi (all the way back in November.  I was impressed by its intense action, impressive visuals and great characters.  I especially enjoyed the 4 armed pilot who always complains.  I did feel that towards the end I got sick of managing large groups of enemies so I dropped the difficulty to get through it, but I still haven’t achieved 100% of activities on all planets so I can still go back to it one day.

4. Borderlands 3

We all knew this was coming but not even I had any idea that we would have been actually playing it in 2019 way back at the start of the year.  For me, I look at the game.  I don’t care about weird magicians or their insane sounding legal woes, all I’m interested in is the work of a team who deserved better for their last title, but am still glad returned to what they do best, looting and shooting.  I enjoyed rejoining these characters I have followed over the last 10 years, all the referenced to older games, cameos from characters from Tales From the Borderlands and The Pre Sequel and was sad to see some people go.  I still have about a year of extra content to go through and I really appreciate the efforts they have made to make the game last longer than just one playthrough through in the Proving Grounds, Circle of Slaughter and Mayhem modes.  Though I have always tended to stick to Borderlands games and create builds for each and every vault hunter, so I will be doing that.

3. Mortal Kombat 11

It’s been a while since I last put a fighting game into my end of year round up.  And I HAVE fallen off MK11 a little bit, but this entry reminded me of how impressive it is for Nether Realms to pack their fighting games with some many things to do and keep people playing outside of just going into matchmaking and fighting others.  The Vault this year is basically another little adventure full of exploration and puzzle solving and the Towers of Time give you plenty of challenge and direction of many months to come.  You also have to give the developer credit for never backing down on the brutality of the game, they must have all got their heads together after DC Universe vs. and vowed never again to make watered down versions of Fatalities.  It is a game that keeps getting better and better.

2. Call of Duty Modern Warfare

I was debating whether or not to include this years CoD.  I always get the same type of enjoyment out of it each year, people complain that it never changes but I’m glad it sticks to a formula.  Of course they are not identikit games, there are new maps, new modes, new ways of building your loadout and new touches, like how in this year you can snap to edges to stay in cover while you shoot, there’s the new special equipment system where you can drop ammo or reduce your footstep noise.  Having doors you can either peek through or smash open adds another level of strategy, there have been times where I have been able to escape being under fire by closing a door, re-positioning and then wasting whoever just wanders in.

The campaign this year, good to see it back, but whatever, the co-op mode is Spec Ops again, like it was back in MW2 and 3 but on a much larger scale, I have yet to complete one of these btw.  But as always, it’s the multiplayer that does it for me and Modern Warfare deserves credit for being what must be the first AAA game to feature cross platform play, not just launch with it.  I know that games like Fortnite are popular, but I don’t see that as a AAA title, it doesn’t have the full package, it’s just a mode and it started off small.  Call of Duty is expected to be big each year, has a lot riding on it and allowing for cross play is a big step.  I especially appreciate being able to play with a keyboard and mouse on PS4 and being able to matchmake only with people playing with controllers on PC, in fact, I have never really given the game much of a shot on PC before as I know people just fall of it, there has often been low player numbers reported on the PC versions of CoD and it looks like it won’t have that problem this time round due to cross play.

Modern Warfare still has to contend with Destiny 2 and Overwatch for my time as my main multiplayer game but it’s still as fun as ever.

1. Control

Put this down as my main “surprise” game of 2019.  A game which was not on my watch list, though I was aware of it as you can’t ignore a game from the makers of Max Payne (I did skip Alan Wake and didn’t care much for Quantum break though).  Bought it at the last minute before its release, downloaded it and was wowed by the sinister nature of the environment you run around in.  This weird fictitious US government agency which looks into paranormal activity which you seem to have become in charge of because you picked up a mysterious weapon from the deceased Director while searching for your brother.  What then follows is about 12 hours of wacky powers and odd video clips as you unearth what has been going on in this strange ever morphing building.

I especially loved how the game never holds your hand too much, the map of each floor is vague enough that you also have to rely on in-game signposting to move around, as well as a bit of memory work.  There is also great humour involved too in some of the PSA posters on a lot of the walls, the antics of the caretaker and the videos you find of Dr. Darling throughout the game.

I did have a few weird technical issues with the game throughout playing, but still found it to be visually pleasing, there was this weird hitch that used to appear after coming out of the pause screen that always threw me, it would be followed by a few moments of low performance before getting back into the smooth action.  But this didn’t stop me from having a great time with Control.  Perhaps the game that will be the most prominent in my head when I think of 2019.

So there you have it, control is my best game of 2019.  But let’s look at the other new games I played throughout the year in my honourable mentions:

Gears 5

The Outer Worlds

Days Gone

Apex Legends

Far Cry New Dawn

Trover Saves the Universe

Concrete Genie

Devil May Cry 5

Tom Clancy's The Division 2

And also a special mention to these old games that were rereleased/remastered/repackaged etc in 2019:

Borderlands Game of the Year Edition Remastered

Halo Reach

And now, a look at the games I have on my watchlist for 2020:

Cyberpunk 2077

Last of Us Part 2

Ghost of Tsushima

Halo: Infinite

Watch Dogs Legion

Phantasy Star Online 2

Gods & Monsters

Doom Eternal

Overwatch 2

Diablo IV

Minecraft dungeons

Marvel's Avengers

Carrion

Streets of Rage 4

Will they all even come out?  Let’s find out, happy new year!

[flyaway-33]

I’ll Take Care of You pt. 3

The boys hadn’t been too happy when you  had woken them from their deep, post concert after party slumbers, but they stopped bitching when you led them out to the common area to talk to Roger. They went quiet when they noticed just how bad he looked. 

Roger had dark purple circles under his eyes and the rest of his face had lost almost all of the little color he usually had. He was sprawled out on the sofa bed and struggled to sit up as the boys gathered around him, sinking down onto the sofa with him in their usual closeness, and you wondered if any of the band members knew what personal space was. It was sweet really, how they were always piled up on each other. 

Roger’s hair was a mess and formed a sort of cloud around his head that rivaled even Brian’s poof, and the ragged, holey old t-shirt he wore hung loosely from his shoulders, giving him a poor, homeless orphan look. He looked bad, no one could deny that. 

It was unanimously decided that the bus would need to stop soon, so Brian went up to the cab of the bus to speak with the drivers. A half hour later the enormous bus was circling the parking lot of a small local hospital, trying to find a place to park out of the way and out of sight. It stopped under the shade of a few trees that grew beside the lot and Freddie announced suddenly that he would be accompanying you and Roger into the building. He pulled on a hoodie to make himself more inconspicuous, and the three of you headed in, you and Freddie on either side of Roger, shielding him from curious eyes as best you could. After checking in the three of you waited, huddled in a corner of the waiting room for another fifteen minutes before Roger was called, and you and Freddie helped him to his feet and lead him down the hall by a petite nurse’s lead to a curtained row of beds. She gestured to one of the beds and you and Freddie helped ease Roger into it. She took his vitals and history, and frowned as she scribbled the data on his chart. You stayed by his side holding his hand and Freddie settled into a small chair in the corner by the curtain. 

“The doctor will be with you shortly.” She said, looking up from the chart. “Need anything, hon?” 

“No thank you, ma’am.” Roger croaked politely, and the nurse scurried out of the room. Another ten minutes passed before a doctor finally appeared. 

“Good afternoon,” he began with a too-cheery smile. “Son, your chart says you have a pretty high fever, 103? And you’re tachycardic meaning your pulse rate is higher than your resting rate should be. Tell me about your symptoms.”

Roger gave a brief summary of the past two days and as he spoke his exhaustion became even more evident to you through his slow, slightly slurred speech. You exchanged a worried glance with Freddie, knowing you had been right about him overworking himself. 

The doctor nodded along and scribbled on the chart and then looked up with a relaxed smile. “Well it sounds to me like you may have a bad stomach bug. Unfortunately it’s probably viral so nothing will cure it other than letting it run its course, and since you’re on day two you could have symptoms anywhere from no more to another week or so. You probably feel so bad because you are dehydrated and your electrolytes are depleted. We’ll give you some IV fluids and send you on your way.”

“Thank you, sir.” Roger sighed. 

The same nurse from before came in a few moments after the doctor left and began preparing the IV. “Say, do I know either of you?” She asked, looking between Roger and Freddie, wracking her brain. “You look so familiar I swear I’ve seen you before.” She moved to Roger’s side and gently wiped the crook of his arm with an alcohol wipe. 

“Hmm, I don’t know, darling, we’re not from around here, are we, Rog?” Freddie gave Roger a mischievous look with a snicker. 

“No, Fred. Far from home.” Roger agreed with a light grin. They loved getting almost recognized, and they loved to mess with the victim, seeing how long it would take them to realize. 

The nurse was mulling over the new information of their names as she flicked Roger’s arm to find a vein before positioning the needle. She slowly began to guide it into his arm before her head snapped up in realization “Fred... Freddie. Freddie Mercury!” She gasped. “And you’re the— the drummer!” She looked wildly between the two of them, excitement in her eyes. 

“Yes, but could you, uh, not stab me?” Roger squawked, his face screwed up in pain. 

“Oh my goodness,” she looked back down at what she was doing and pulled the needle from his arm as a bit of blood pooled to the surface. “I am so sorry!” She cried, whipping a cotton pad off of her cart and gently pressing it into his arm. 

“Quite alright, darling.” He grunted in response through gritted teeth. 

She put some tape over the cotton pad and moved down to try the IV in Roger’s hand. “Truly sorry, won’t happen again.” She mumbled, her cheeks coloring red as she quickly prepared and executed the IV, this time flawlessly. “It may take a bit,” she said as she checked the bag of saline hanging by the bed. “You’ll feel much better though. Again, I am so sorry!” 

“It’s okay, really.” He responded sweetly, having relaxed. “Just a little poke. I’ve had much worse, believe me.” He gave her as radiant a smile as he could muster in his state, and she looked as though she would melt. She had a starstruck smile on her face as she grabbed the cart and left without another word. 

You felt pride and love swell in your chest as you watched the way he handled the situation. For a man with such a short temper he was amazingly patient and kind when he could see someone else was upset, and you felt like you loved him even more after seeing how kind he was to the nurse even after she’d hurt him. 

“That was fun,” Freddie laughed, breaking you from your reverie. “Yes, Freddie Mercury and The Drummer!” He mocked. “Not to mention it was fun seeing you stabbed as well, darling.”

“Thanks, Fred.” Roger rolled his eyes and relaxed further into the bed. His eyes wandered up to you and a small smile played at his lips. “She said this could be a while. Join me?” He asked with an air of innocence. 

You smiled and nudged him. “Scootch over, you goof.” 

He made room for you and you climbed up onto the bed, curling into his side and laying your head on his warm chest. 

“Oh I want to join!” Freddie whined, coming over to the bed and draping his torso over you and Rog dramatically. 

“Fred!” You protested, laughing while Roger groaned. He didn’t attempt to move or push him off, as he was used to Freddie’s antics and had accepted them a long time ago. 

“Alright, alright, I can see I’m not wanted.” Freddie feigned hurt as he straightened up. “I’ll go update the boys. Send someone to get me if need be, otherwise I’ll see you two when you’re finished.” 

“Bye, Fred.” You smiled, waving childishly at him.

“You will come get me if anything happens.” He stated, suddenly turning serious, his eyes boring into yours. 

“Of course I will!” 

“Fred, I appreciate the sentiment,” Roger began with a sigh, “you’re my best friend and if something more serious were wrong I would want you here, but its just the bloody stomach flu, I’m not dying.” 

“Don’t push your luck, Blondie.” Freddie rolled his eyes and gave a final wave before turning on his heel and leaving through the closed curtain. 

“You two are cute” you giggled, snuggling into Roger’s side. “Never seen two grown men act like grade school best buddies the way you two do.”

“Yeah well, Fred’s always there, ya know? We went through the low times together.”

You winced at his words, remembering when he had told you about the early days of Smile and Queen when Freddie and him hardly had enough money to eat. He had told you how hard it had been for them to put themselves through school while paying rent and trying to build up the band. They often didn’t have any food at all. They both would say how their thrift stall in Kensington Market had been their saving grace. The story had broken your heart.

“Well he’s a lot of fun too.”

“Yeah—“ Roger yawned, his eyes drooping. “I love Deaky and Bri but they’re terrible sports and never want to get in any trouble. Fred’s the man for that.”

You smiled, running a hand over his hair fondly. You deeply admired the strong bond the members of Queen had with one another. They were a family. 

“Go to sleep, Rog. Your friends need you to get better.”

He nodded, his eyes closed, and you felt his breathing steady. He’d never fallen asleep that fast as long as you’d known him. 

***LATER***

Roger had been released about an hour later and had reported feeling much better. His fever had even gone down a little, though it was still present. Luckily the giant tour bus hadn’t attracted any notice and there were no pictures in the papers the following day, much to everyone’s relief. 

Roger still wasn’t 100 percent better but he hadn’t thrown up since before the hospital so you were confident that he was on the mend. The boys were all over the moon that Roger was almost back to himself, and as the bus continued its journey to the next stop on the tour many a Scrabble battle ensued. 

You smiled in contentment as you watched the boys bicker over whether a word was a proper noun. It was calming to you that everything was back to normal— or as normal as life with a rock band could be. 

A/N: Sorry if I've posted this part on here before (also on ao3) but I am a total hot mess right now I have no clue what’s going on and it wasn’t on my master list so here it is :) 

one day at a time... 

Taglist: @benders-diamond-earring

[imaginexmeintheuniverse]

An X Co. Xmas

12 Days of Christmas OTP Challenge

Day 1: Character A and Character B, sworn enemies, are chosen to prepare the company Christmas Party.

A/N: well this is starting off great im already late on the first day, but i was getting wrecked by uni and wanted to do some research first so please correct me if i made any mistakes concerning Hanukkah! This is actually so long but I had a lot of fun writing it <3 Also i recently started binge watching the office and i just finished my finals which incidentally was for management so here goes!

❄  ❊  ❄  ❊  ❄  ❊

i. an infuriating announcement

"You're shitting me, Ro," you deadpan, already feeling like giving up. "Can't someone else do it? Anyone?!"

"Sorry, the rest of the team already have their assignments for the month, and this is yours— and Peter's."

Being in charge of the big X Company Christmas party is an event you've wanted to take the lead on since you joined this department, but being paired up with none other than Peter Maximoff, makes this the best opportunity and the worst case scenario.  

"But he's an idiotic man-child!" You're not even sure how he made his way up to being part of this project management team. You assume it must have something to do with his father being co-chairman of the company. "Yesterday he ordered fifteen pizzas under my name!"

"To be fair, you did glue all his pens and pencils together last week," she smirks, and lets out a small laugh at the memory. "In any case, the project groups for this month have been divided by aptitudes and experience like they always are, and you two ended up together because everyone else was matched up with other projects. I know you two don't exactly get along the best, but upper management is on my ass and the rest of the team is already totally booked with the hectic holiday season."

"Is there anything you can do?"

"Sorry, babe," she apologizes, and give you a sympathetic lopsided smile.

"What's the use of being best friends with the boss if I can't get sorted with a better partner," you grumble with a playful smile, because you obviously love Ororo, but you're not sure how long you'll last without wanting to do something that might land you in HR.

"If it's any consolation, he's not thrilled about being your partner either."

  ❄  ❄  ❄

ii. an idiotic man-child

"This obviously isn't working out—"

"We can't agree on anything—"

"You two are supposed to be coordinating this event together—" Ororo ducks her head between her hands and exhales out of exasperation as she rubs her temples.

"She locked me in the conference room!"

"He put all my office supplies in Jell-O!"

"You need to stop bickering like children and get your shit together!" She stands from her desk, chiding you and Peter. You both sit in adjacent chairs in front of her and you feel like you're back and school and have landed yourself in the principal's office. "I can't be babysitting you constantly, so you'll just have to pull it together and figure it out before you get kicked off this team!"

You and Peter nod in unison, and then exchange side glares at each other when Ororo is sitting back down. She is an amazing manager, and to be fair you and Peter had spent the last thirty minutes complaining about one another, so it's understandable that her patience is running thin.

She takes a moment to collect herself, smoothing out her skirt and tucking a loose strand of hair back into her tight bun. "As I've told you before, it's too late to add or exchange team members with their assignments this month, but I can give you the intern to help you out."

"Kurt?"

"Yes, I've already sent him a memo and he'll be back in the bullpen waiting for you." With that, she dismisses you, and you walk out of her office with Peter following right behind you.

"I hope you don't plan on nagging the intern to death, wouldn't want to scare the poor kid away," he taunts you, catching up to your quicker walking pace to beside you.

"I hope you can actually do your job for once, so that he won't have to do it for you," you retort, without even glancing his way.

"Chill, princess—"

"We don't all have a boss for a father who will help us float to the top— I had to work my ass off to get here and I'm not going to let you drag me down!" You're fuming, and judging by the slight falter in his usual smirk, you think you might have gone too far.

He doesn't say anything for a moment, and then you see Kurt smiling and waving at both of you from across the room. You offer him an awkward smile and Peter gives him a weak wave, both of you dampened from your exchange.

There's no point in wasting any more time with the fast-approaching deadline, so you turn to him, totally neutral and say, "We have work to do, let's just delegate tasks and check up on each other later."

  ❄  ❄  ❄

iii. an unmethodical arrangement

"Damn it!" Peter shouts from his desk, and you look up at him from your computer, distracted by his sudden outburst. He slams the phone back into place in hanging up, and you raise an eyebrow at him. "That's the third band to cancel," he says, exhaling slowly to calm himself down.

He was in charge of music, and as the project deadline approaches with the holidays, it's getting harder to lock down on services. Even you're having a hard time trying to find a restaurant that's available to cater. You decide to give your tired eyes a rest by closing your monitor and leaning back in your chair, blinking a few times to adjust to more favourable lighting.

You're both exhausted from running around all day, and you already sent the intern home a few hours ago. Furthermore, watching the sun set so early through the widow walls, and always having to work so many hours after dark has been getting really depressing. Despite it being demanding and requiring crazy hours, you do love this job.

"Tell me about it, all the restaurants are long overbooked."

There's a moment where all you hear is the clicking of Peter's fingers gliding over the keyboard and then he speaks up, "My mom is friends with this restaurant owner who owes her a favour." He turns his monitor to show you a simplistic webpage. "It's a small family business, they're not going to be booked because they don't advertise their catering service, and they have a menu that can suit all kinds of food restrictions."

"That's great!" you exclaim, taking note of the restaurant name. "Okay, now we just need to find the music." You let out a low sigh, and pull out your planning binder to hopefully gain some inspiration or answers. This fails you, as you end up merely staring blankly at the flipping pages— that is until you fall on one in particular that could help you out. "Hey Peter," you call out to him, and he stops spinning to face you. "What about Warren?"

"What about Warren?" He asks, curious as to why you're bringing up your old teammate. You worked on a lot of projects with Warren before he got promoted to higher management last year.

"He has a bunch of connections, and he hired this great DJ for one of the big fundraisers last year. Why don't we ask him?"

"That's actually not a bad idea, I'll email him." Peter smiles, scribbling on a sticky note and posting it on his computer screen. "But I'll take care of that tomorrow morning," he thinks out loud. "Can we meet earlier tomorrow morning?"

Glancing at the clock, you wonder why the hell he would want to meet earlier since you two have been working so late. "Why?"

"Hanukkah starts tomorrow," he answers simply. "It's already been approved by management, but we are partners so I just wanna make sure you're cool with it."

"Yeah, that's fine," you reply, giving him a small smile. Honestly, this is the longest you two have gone without bickering, but it actually feels nice to be getting along with him.

"All right, I'm gonna call it quits for tonight," he says, gathering his bag and coat. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Y/N."

"Have a good night."

  ❄  ❄  ❄

iv. an evening before

Everything since those little speed bumps you hit concerning the music and food has run really smoothly, and you and Peter have been getting along a lot better since that late night in the office. You developed a steady work flow and actually found yourself laughing at some of his lame jokes. Peter was surprised when he realized that he no longer subconsciously rolled his eyes every time you opened your mouth, and he'd feel himself light up when you greeted him in the morning.

"I think everything should be fine," Peter announces, as you check off the items on the task list.

"All the services are on schedule, and the design department is putting the final touches in the hall," Kurt reports, tucking a few stray papers back into his planner.

"All right, then you may be dismissed, we'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning to greet the caterers and waiting staff." Kurt nods, and bids you and Peter a good evening before heading off into the gentle snowfall of NYC. "We finished with an hour to spare," You smile at Peter who loosens his tie as you both gather your things and head out of the building together. "It'll give me extra time to try not to stress out about tomorrow."

Peter chuckles, and nods in agreement to your statement. "I'll be able to go surprise my sister and pick her up from school."

"You have a sister?"

"Yeah, my little sister, Wanda, she's in middle school and hates the school bus."

"I totally understand, the bus is another kind of hell."

He opens his mouth to say goodbye, but then you remember that you had something for him, and you reach into your bag to pull out a present tied up in a pretty satin bow. "Before you go, I have something for you," you say shyly, not sure why you feel a heat creeping up to your cheeks when you notice how charming Peter looks with snowflakes resting delicately on his dark eyelashes.

"What's this for?" He asks, curious about the neatly wrapped box you place in his hands.

"Today is the last day of Hanukkah isn't it?"

"Yeah," he confirms, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

He tears the wrapping off, opens the box, and pulls out the dreidel you put inside. "I'm sorry, it's kind of lame— you probably have a ton of them."

"No, this is really great," he says with a smile, turning the top in his hands to admire the craftsmanship. You happened to walk past a kiosk with handmade dreidels when you had to take a different way home the previous night, and couldn't help but notice how pretty they were. "Thank you, Y/N."

A few seconds pass by awkwardly where you're both smiling, but aren't sure what to do, until Peter leans forward and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a hug. The foreign affection from him is completely new, but surprisingly warm, comfortable, and welcome. You've just let yourself melt into the hug when he breaks off, and it's like you've been snapped out of a daze and left out in the cold. Still feeling slightly disoriented, you wish him a happy Hanukkah, and leave it at that before you make a fool of yourself. You start to head off towards the subway when Peter calls out to you.

"Do you—" He hesitates for a moment, unsure of what he's asking exactly.

"Did you say something?" You turn back around to face him and he stutters for a moment, because the sun shining perfectly on your features with snow falling all around you has him unable to process anything else around him. "Peter?"

"D-Do you want to come? I figure it's better than trying not to stress out at home alone."

Your lips curve up into a smile and you're not even conscious of how much your heart rate has picked up yet. Everything is sorted for the company party tomorrow, and you've discovered that Peter isn't too bad to be around, so what's the harm?

"Sure."

  ❄  ❄  ❄

v. an important night

"Wow—" Peter utters breathlessly, stunned by the sight of you entering the hall. Last time he saw you was less than a half hour ago, and he'd be lying if he were to say that he weren't impressed by your quick transformation. Just moments ago you were running around in your work clothes, with a clipboard and unruly hairs sticking out in all wrong places. Now that the party's started and everything is running smoothly, you seem a lot more calm and managed to fix up your hair and makeup flawlessly. He hadn't seen your dress yet, and even though he thought you were still the prettiest person in the room in your stressed out mess, you're definitely a showstopper now.

"You should wipe the drool off your chin before Y/N notices," Scott smirks at Peter as he walks up to him with Jean on his arm. As if on cue, you notice Peter and your other team members from across the room and wave at the group, a smile gracing your lips that makes Peter weak in the knees. Scott, of course, notices this and feels the need to tease him about it. "If I didn't know how much you two hate each other's guts, I'd think you might actually like each other as more than just archenemies."

"Scott, leave the poor guy alone," Jean chimes in, grinning playfully. "He obviously has it bad."

"You guys don't know what you're talking about." Peter runs a hand through his silver hair that's neatly coiffed for once. "Y/N and I are just partners on this event, and then everything is going to go back to normal," He laughs it off, despite what he just said settling uncomfortably in his mind. Working with you over the last few weeks has brought out the best in both of you; you've been getting along great, even having a couple of inside jokes, and last night he had so much fun. The way your eyes would light up with genuine interest as you listened to his explanations of the rituals, how well you seemed to fit in with his family, and Wanda, she adored you. He found himself frequently gazing at you with a goofy grin on his face, not even realizing he was staring until you'd make eye contact with him, and then he'd get all flustered from being caught.

All this to say that he's very confused about his feelings. He likes the relationship akin to friendship the two of you have developed, but he also feels something more. The thought that makes him more uncomfortable is: what will happen when this is over? Will you just be disbanded and assigned to different projects after? Will you go back to being at each other's throats, will you still be friendly with each other, or will you just never speak again unless you're assigned to the same project again?

"Peter, you need to calm down." Jean interrupts his overthinking, offering him a comforting smile. "Go ask her to dance."

"It's like you read my mind," He shoots her a wink and finishes off his drink before heading off in your direction.

"Hey Peter," You greet him after excusing yourself from a group conversation. "This is going great isn't it?"

"Y-Yeah, it's awesome."

"Who would've known we'd make a half-decent team?" You grin at him playfully, and also notice that he seems a little spaced out. "Are you okay, Maximoff?"

"Do y-you wanna dance?"

"It would be my pleasure," You extend your hand, and he takes it in his larger one, leading you to the dance floor where he slips his other arm around your waist. He starts to guide you is slow circles, feet following the rhythm of the smooth tune. Throughout the course of the song, your bodies get closer to one another, and you hope he can't tell how warm your cheeks are upon realizing this. "Wow, Peter, where'd you learn to dance like this?"

"My, uh, mom made me take lessons when I was younger," he says sheepishly, a blush creeping its way onto his face.

"I'm impressed."

The song ends, and you thank each other for the dance. This is the when you'd normally break apart, but neither of you moves— neither of you wants to. The next song starts to play and you're the only ones not moving on the dance floor.

"You look amazing, by the way," he tells you, and you feel like you're lungs are failing you.

"Thanks, you clean up real nice yourself." Another few seconds go by without anything happening, other than the tension continuously building.

"Well- th-thanks for the dance, a-and being a good partner."

Peter mentally slaps himself as you smile and start to walk off the dance floor. There's obviously something there, why didn't he do anything? Idiot. Just when he thinks he's blown his only chance, you spin on your heel and march back to the spot he hasn't moved from, pull him down by the shoulders to press your lips against his. He barely has time to process what's happening before you pull back, leaving him reeling.

"Whoa," is all he can manage to get out. It was only a few seconds, but your kiss took all the air out of his lungs.

"May I have this dance?" You ask nervously, taking a shot at the dark, hoping he feels the same way you do.

He doesn't say anything else, unable to keep the goofy grin off his face. Instead of speaking, he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his body and leans in for another kiss. His soft lips move against yours gently, and as you let your eyes flutter shut, you feel that same warmth as when he first hugged you the previous night.

When you break apart, neither of you can keep the smiles off your face, and you happily let him lead you in circles on the dance floor.

  ❄  ❄  ❄

vi. an extra scene

Peter hugs you from behind and presses a quick kiss to your cheek before heading to his desk.

"Congrats you two!" You and Peter both jump at Ororo's less-than-subtle entrance. "The party was a hit, and upper management wants to add you to the New Year fundraiser event planning team!"

You both thank her for the opportunity and accept the detail files she hands you.

"Oh, and congrats for the other thing too," She says, gesturing between you and Peter. "You know what that means, right?"

"We get a raise for organizing the party of the year?" Peter half-jokingly suggests.

"Real funny," she chuckles, making her way to her office. "You're going to have to file this with HR, now."

[arkus-rhapsode]

Eden’s Zero Chapter 1 Review

Hey guys, now before I dive into this already longer than usual review, I did wanna take this time to mention something. Its been no secret that I turned on Mashima and FT pretty hardly after the end of FT and some of you may be aware that I was moderately active in the fanbase with putting out my reviews and such. That said some may liken that shift in mentality to me not liking how the story went and a common critique of fans is that when what they’re fans of doesn’t gel with what they want they wanna destroy it. As if the fan has ownership of the source of the fanaticism.

I admit there are times that I’ve question decisions on Hiro Mashima’s end and has posted rewrites, but that’s not me doing it out of a sense of ownership. I’m doing it because I have a standard. Being a fan of something and letting your disappointment get to you and fester into salty, bitchy purest is one thing, but being a person who’s judging what a series puts out and actually caring about the quality of what’s in the popular media is important. FT got negative reviews in its latter half because it was that bad. By the end of the series it was legit that bad. Now I don’t say that is someone who was in the fanbase and hated Hiro’s decisions cause they weren’t mine, I hated them because it was bad writing. I’m a reader with standards, as are all of you, and in the digestion of media we make distinctions between good and bad. I make this claim with more concrete surety now that I’ve been around longer and have reviewed more series than just FT, I think it be harder to believe if I made this case when I was just starting and all I was talking about at the time was FT.

Some of you might remember when I first started out on MHA, my second chapter I ever reviewed I had found it boring and mundane and to date its my least popular MHA review and I still stand by that assertion. I hold everything to the same standard, and that includes FT. The reason I write this is that while throughout this review I will mention comparison’s to FT’s first chapter (and yes, even ways Eden’s Zero improved on it), but I will be holding it to the same standard. So this entire review won’t be me holding a grudge against Hiro, but it will be me holding it to the same standard as I do everything I read. That out of the way lets dive in.

We open on a hill side and met our MC named Shiki. Beside him is the mecha demon from the cover page and what they see is a... dragon. Yeah, Hiro I thought you wanted this to be wholely original?

On the hand I actually like this scene in the sense robo demon here is actually encourging actual adventure (something FT lacked) and its kinda amazing listening to this demon looking guy talking about friendship, yet on the other hand, damnit Hiro. Is this the only thing how to write about? Like damn man.

We cut to the future where we see our main female Lucy-I mean Rebecca! Y’know I could make a Rebecca from One Piece joke, but she’s kinda already a bit of a decisivee figure so I’m not gonna bother.

I mean its okay. Its just castle theme park. Also Rebecca we find out is apparently a youtuber. Look if DBS can have GodTube then I can put up with Blue Cate (Aoneko) website. Also yeah Happy here, no sugar coating its just Happy. Also Rebecca here purposely made her skirt short. Just because you point out the sexualization in canon doesn’t make it better, ya still drew it, Hiro.

We see that the theme park is full of robots and each one acts as an assist in sending the guest through some kind of medieval simulator. And if anyone has seen Westworld you know where this is heading. To be fair I love worldbuilding so please, explore!

So we find out Rebecca’s dream is to have one million suscribers and now here’s where I gotta give props to Hiro because he actual made a dream for a character that doesn’t seem like it can be achieved a chapter from now. Granted this seems a bit hard to actually quantify, but this dream could potenially evolve into something of why she wants the suscribers and could be like Nami making the map of the world that getting video of unknown locations may actually be worth something to the general population.

We see that Rebecca chooses to go on a monster hunting quest and they encounter...

...This thing. Also it seems Rebecca’s character quirk is she really likes cats I guess? But this doesn’t last long as someone crashes down on mecha cat.

Okay that was kinda funny. I mean if this was FT would’ve actually gotten the panty shot so maybe Hiro has learned his lesson! Also note that wrench!

Oh god damnit Hiro. So this tarzan guy after acting like an animal is knocked out by Rebecca. Y’know it took about 60 chapters before Natsu got all up in Lucy’s chest, guess we’re cutting straight to the chase here.

Okay is joke with here just going be about here short skirt? Damning it with faint praise here, but at least he still hven’t flashed us them yet. Also Tarzan here is the only human on the island.

We get some scenes of Shiki here wanting to be friends with Rebecca cause she’s a human and Rebecca isn’t interested and she returns to the Granbell town where Shiki is there and the robots know who he is.

Shiki’s expressions and creepy advances really gives off this tinge of sci-fi horror, unfortunate Hiro doesn’t really go that route and we’ll get to it. Also that wizard looking robot from the color page is also here.

They then have a party where the robots all celebrate them having a costumer for the first time in so long they have a party being nice to Rebecca and lavishing her with stuff outside is robot that looks like Robin Hood and he reports to his boss this machine king.

Oh look, Hades if he was a robot.

We see Shiki trying to bond with Rebecca and it leads to him expressing he wants to leave the kingdom and see another country, but we also learn he’s in charge of fixing this and the robots are acting up lately. We find out that the one who was talking to Shiki and is his “Grandfather” was called the Demon King a robot designed for playing that role in the park.

Umm Rebecca... That’s being a dick. So you don’t like it, so you decide to cut it, cause it bothers you. You could’ve framed it like, “If he fixes you up then maybe he needs better vision” or “He’s been so nice to me, let me do something for him.” And what makes this worse s that Shiki is asleep, so she doesn’t even consult his feelings. Like seriously, that’s not being a good friend . But for contrivances sake I’m sure Shiki will wake up and love it, won’t he?

Huh? I was wrong instead we got shitty 80s comedy. I don’t know if that’s better or worse.

Y’know I said I’d give Hiro atleast two free fanservice moments for his first 3 chapters. He’s now used all of them up in a single chapter. Also Rebecca is tied to a stake while robots with torches surround her along with the machine king.

Shiki is also there and here’s something that did remind me of rave, the tightness of the first chapter. Everything seems to flow like one continuous story and doesn’t seem to do some dumb interlude like FTs first chapter did with that awkward moment where Lucy leaves Natsu and she’s just randomly in the park reading.

The King wants to use her ship to leave this world and we get som kind of motivation out of him.

Oh wow, for a first chapter villain that’s actually a really deep thing to unload. That as amusment park hosts they must’ve just been seen as pleasure tools and with no one around these robots who seem to be senstinent must’ve felt betrayed and...

Oooooor you cut out all moral ambiguity by just saying they have a virus. Sure. Trust me, this is where it gets stupid really stupid. And that’s the inconsistency.

So these robots I guess are like the ones from the Animatrix where they just kinda develop sentience out of nowhere. But unlike Animatrix it doesn’t seem to imply when they developed this sentience and that they began to think they were being abused.

Tired of Friendship already, it ain’t leaving.

So why do you hate humans? They abandoned you I guess, but there’s not other robot saying “hey our times were fun together” no everyone is like they left us to rot  so we hate them. Not like Humans did anything legitimate bad. We actually see that at the end of the chapter that there is some sort of central battery on the park that all robots are hooked up to. You could make their reason for hating humans that. That even though they left these sentiment robots still had a little kingdom to themselves, but realized that its all just going to end one day and humans didn’t even bother to unplug them. They’re existence is literally knowing when they’ll die, imagine that as why they harbor negative emotions and maybe Shiki actually fixing things might’ve actually been prolonging their lives so maybe that be why they kept him around. This whole sentience things just feels like Hiro wanted to do a trope of crazy robots and ended using multiple to fit the whatever story purpose at the moment.

You do run the planet, dumbasses. This entire plane, apparently for hundreds of years, has been solely controlled by you. Maye this should be rephrased as, going to the place that built you to get revenge or as I spoiled with the battery we’ll take the ship to get more power for our kingdom?

Shiki doesn’t do anything and kinda lets the robots just wail on him as he found out all things in his life were a lie. Then Rebecca gives a friendship speech. A stupid stupid friendship speech.

You’re right, Rebecca! Too bad we didn’t see that. I’m serious we barely see memories of Shiki with any robot outside of the demon king and Michael so there’s no weight to this conflict. We only get the vague sense they raised hm, but there’s no moments of Shiki really laughingg and enjoying their company outside of the party with Rebecca which rather is made more for getting Shiki to like Rebecca for this moment.

Shiki remembers what his Grandpa the Demon King said and just blows them all away.

We see Shiki’s hand and apparently he has these marks indicating he has Ether gear. The power system of this series.

You’re sentiment! You have out grown your programming! You can choose to have a concept of friendship.

So they fight with shitty action scenes (If I can give Horikoshi a hard time for how he draws his fight choreography, then I sure as hell will give Hiro the once over.) Happy manages to save Rebecca and like Happy from early FT, he basically spots off exposition on powers.

So is it like a literal gear? Because Happy afterward destincties as the Gear of Gravity, so is it like a devil fruit? Is ether in all humans, but this specific gear brings it out in a certain way? If its internal then I guess its like the magic circuits from Fate? And then every of has their own unique variation like Nen? Like cause Happy gives it the distinction of Gravity it doesn’t seem like Shiki gives a reason why he has this power. I’m hoping \its like devil fruits, literal gears you implant and then it brings out your ether in a certain way.

Shiki punches out the machine king and cause a massive collapse.

Credit where credit is due, Hiro actually did build up the reveal of this power throughout the chapter and its actually really well done. Kinda reminds of something Oda would do with subtly building up a devil fruit power without revealing it. Like Crocodile drying out a flower but it isn’t stated his power is specifically sand.

They then flee when the other robots rally and Shiki takes Rebecca back to her ship.

This scene would actually be really nice if we actually saw more young shiki actually having fun with the machines and not a being a creeper with them.

Shiki and Rebecca take off and we see the universe.

Not gonna lie, that’s a really pretty shot. Like damn, I could get behind this.

It seems like worlds in this universe are basically like kingdom hearts worlds. They’re not real “worlds” so much as they are islands in space.

Sure, keep the mystery alive why don’t you, no that be too much.

Well great place to end the chapter. Little dry of a first story, but I definetly see that has room for improvment and there is something-Wait this isn’t the last page? But what else is there to talk about. There’s nothing left-

Oh for fuck sake. That’s right they were trying to send SHiki away. Because apparently these robots thought there was no way to restore battery life even if stayed.

Here’s a tip, ifyou really care, and had such a close bond, maybe tell him to leave? Tell SHiki the truth that you guys are tied to a battery and instead of Shiki vowing to leave for the stars so he can make 100 friends (I’m not kiding that’s his actual goal here). Then this would be an interesting goal.

But no, you have to act like human hating jackasses and shatter the boy’s entire reality, just so you he would go out and “change the universe”

This would be a really nice scene with a very nice amount of character development starting point, if we actually saw their past. All we know is they raised Shiki, but its never really seemed like they’re loving or caring or Shiki openly gets upset if one of them had a problem. Again the biggest flaw with this chapter is that it sacrifices seeing one potentially interesting relationship (Shiki and the robots) for another one (Rebecca).

So we end on this page which reveals that Shiki’s goal is to have a hundred friends. Not going to say something snarky I just realized this is the same motivation as Yuki from future diary. Like before the crazy yandere shit.

Post Chapter follow up:

Lets be positive and look at the good stuff in this chapter. The first thing great about this chapter is it improved upon two of the biggest failings in the first chapter FT. Goals established and world building. Not only does this set up force Hiro Mashima to actually world build (literally) but each person in the first chapter has a goal that doesn’t seem like it can be accomplished quickly. It means we can have investment in the story.

Another thing I’ll give is Shiki is an okay MC. He has more personality than Natsu, but not as much as Haru and this first chapter is about him. Its easy to understand that Lucy is often considered the MC of FT because it literally focuses on her for the story than Natsu. But this chapter had a healthy balance.

Also the power system at least seems to have some definition. Unlike how anyone could have magic yet normal people just don’t choose to use it like in FT. Ether Gear seems to be a powersource that only a select few can use. Now we need to see first if there are ways of combating it like technology or such so a non ether gear person can still fight.

It also has its own unique aesthetic. Ft is a pretty generic fantasy world. It doesn’t have the bleakness of bereserk or the Japanese aesthetic of naruto. You could say Black CLover, Fairy Tail, and Seven Deadly sins all had their first chapter happen in the same world and I’d have trouble arguing it.

Now on to the crappy stuff. This series suffers from the usual Mashima foibles such as the sexual harassment, the stupidly way it tries to justify and give all conflict happy ending, not actually bothering to have a situation drawn out ad built up too, etc. I mean for the first conflict of the chapter its a heavy one, these guys raised SHiki yet their own mentality is against humans so Shiki has to choose, but instead of actually answering that question, it turns out there was no real conflict and the machines were just faking.

As for my like for Shiki, I flat hate Rebecca. She is so pointless and useless. Look I will defend Lucy and she actually can d things. First chapter she saved Natsu by using aquarius. But Rebecca? She’s just all of the bad traits of post timeskip Lucy. She is used for pointless fanservice, does nothing contribute, and becomes a mouth piece for friendship.

Speaking of friendship as a concept and goal here, Hiro just rewrite what you mean. Have deeper meaning than friends for once. There is ways you could take the motivation “I want to make 100 friends” in a compelling way. Prehaps Shiki is going out to make his own world where he can make a happy place for people where they can laugh and cry in harmony. Like story telling wise its pretty weak.

Like me personally, I would’ve taken the first chapter like this, the robots are sentinet and they are nice to Shiki and Rebecca and they have genuine fun together. They gradually reveal that they are shutting down maybe one starts acting wonky and tries to hide it and maybe the machine king is the real bad guy. He has sentinece and hates humans and he wants to eliminate SHiki and Rebecca and that’s because they’re shutting down. The other robots say they don’t care they were abandoned, they were mad at first but Shiki showed them that why they loved catering to humans. King and Shiki fight and they all reveal they’re shutting down and Shiki cries he doesn’t want them to go. The robots say its inevitable and they don’t hpw to recharge the battery and Shiki vows to leave the planet and search for a power source to bring them all back. Then that’s shiki’s goal and it even can cause questions like “Is it worth all this for machines?” or “who designed them maybe we can figure out the right substance to power them up?”

or if Hiro wanted to go a more darker route. Have the machines have no sentience and literally be dolls for the King who turns out to be a human who stayed here on Granbell and made his own little kingdom. Make it a bit meta on how Shiki’s only friends were just hollow imitations of people who were only friends because that’s what their programming dictated and they can all be switched off. It be meta as critiquing Ft and how all the guild characters basically had no conflicts, all got along, and were just friends with no depth or reason.

This all highlights the issue with Hiro Mashima and that’s he is not a good a writer. Hiro is an incredibly talented person and can come up with incredibly unique ideas and looks, which is why his cover pages are the best things he puts out because its him free forming. But writing. He has a limited scope on that and stuff like sci-fi and fantasy can be very morally grey things. But Hiro doesn’t seem to understand tragedy in the sense that its tragic because a person fails or dies unsatisfied. But he only seems to know how to write painfully obvious concepts like “save the world” or “friendship” instead doing a concept like “what it is to be a hero” like MHA does which can have a variety of answers to it.

So what’s the final verdict? Well I actually am going to do something different than usual. I’m going to say what I though the quality was compared to FT and then to what I’d consider this work compared to anything else.

In comparison to FT, Eden’s Zero gets a Final verdict of 8/10

Improves on a lot of FT’s first chapter flaws

Created a more unique environment for a story

And actually has a lot tighter narrative

But in comparison to everything else...

Final Verdict: 5/10

Even if it wasn’t Hiro, its a pretty generic start (some names aren’t even all that inspired like Machine King, Demon King)

Potential to grow into something better is there

Nothing is outright offensive

Cool concept

[macgyvermedical]

“Let’s Get to it, Nature Boy” a “Lidar+Rogues+Duty” Medical Review

A lot of times I sit down to write these reviews and think something like “wow, there’s a lot to unpack here.” Fortunately for this review, the only thing I thought was that somewhere an NSA agent is definitely going to have to read this because of all the alarming keywords. Hope they like clavicles.

Let’s get to it. Spoilers ahead.

The main story centers around Mac and Desi going on a mission to recover the body of LCDR Robert Reese, an old friend of Mac’s who was presumed dead when his plane crashed in an unauthorized part of Azerbaijan. While there they find that Reese is still alive, though injured, and that a group of American CIA operatives has found a cache of white phosphorus-based chemical weapons which they intend to sell on the black market. Mac and Desi manage to subdue the operatives using homemade tranq darts, prevent the white phosphorus from ending up in the wrong hands, and get Reese back home safely.

The main medical situations in the episode include Mac’s diagnosis and field treatment for Reese’s fractured clavicle, the potential use of white phosphorus as a chemical weapon, and the morphine darts.

A little spoiler for you, the morphine darts are what I’m mad about this week.

The Clavicle:

But let’s start with that clavicle break. The clavicle is the thin bone that makes up the front part of the shoulder, attaching at the shoulder joint and sternum. A broken clavicle is a pretty common sports injury and occurs when the patient falls either directly on the outside of the shoulder, or falls on their hand or forearm and the force travels upward. Due to how close the bone is to the surface, if the bone segments are displaced, deformity from the break is often visible or palpable (feel-able). 

^^The bump is where one of the ends of the bone segments pushed over the other. Euagh.

It’s entirely possible that Reese fell onto his shoulder or forearm when he detached his seat from the parachute, so this (or anything consistent with a fall) is a pretty expected injury. While most remote first aid guides would tell you to sling the arm or wrist (slinging the wrist only takes pressure off the shoulder and reduces pain), the splint Mac makes for it- a version of a “figure eight” splint- is also a real way of splinting a clavicle fracture. The figure eight splint would work much the same way it does in the episode, pulling the outer (distal) part of the clavicle up and back and putting/keeping it in a reasonable place to heal. It would also have the advantage over a simple sling of leaving the affected arm free and somewhat usable (though still not weight-bearing)- something that would be important in a remote and hostile environment.

The thing I’ll nitpick about this scene is the fact that Mac seems to know immediately without looking that Reese has a clavicle fracture, where the break is, and the best way to treat it. Reese was holding his arm awkwardly, looked like he was in pain, reported that he was banged up, and Mac knew that he’d recently fallen out of a tree. Together those would still only point to a shoulder injury, without specifics. Mac would still have to look at it (like, skin level look at it) and probably touch it to know it was a clavicle fracture (and not, say, a dislocation or other fracture) before splinting it.

I understand a lack of assessment was a decision likely made for time’s sake, but assessment is a really, really important part of the process- and it would have made a significant difference in treatment. A figure-eight splint is only helpful when the break is in the middle or closer (proximal) third of the bone, because the strap has to go somewhere that’s not directly over the break. A day after the injury, where they would have been in the episode, there might have been significant swelling and bruising which might make it difficult to know where the break is, and if that figure eight splint would be appropriate.

I probably would have gone with the sling either way, but I see why they did the figure eight (both from a cool TV thing(TM) standpoint and for mobility). Its the lack of assessment that’s the problem, not the intervention for once.

White Phosphorus:

I’m sure you all know the feel when your primary (academic) fascinations in life are toxicology and chemical weapons, so you’re constantly paranoid that you’re one google search or tumblr post away from a SWAT team showing up at your apartment.

About 3 years ago I did a lot of internet research on white phosphorus in order to write a Criminal Minds tag that followed up an episode where a character was tortured with white phosphorus salve (please excuse the minor errors in hospital realism, I had not yet graduated nursing school when I wrote it), and I was really excited that this episode might give me reason to talk about what I learned.

I guess it didn’t exactly, but I’m going to talk about it anyway.

White Phosphorus (known from here on out at WP) is a waxy, yellowish substance useful as a chemical weapon because of its versatility and plethora of uses other than terrorism. It doesn’t occur naturally, but is created and used extensively in industry as a necessary component in the production of fertilizer, cleaning chemicals, munitions, (illegal) fireworks, older rat and cockroach poisons, and certain food additives. Most common exposures are due to industrial spills, not terrorism.

WP can contaminate food, water, and soil as particles, or air as smoke. Eating or drinking contaminated food or water can cause severe gastrointestinal distress and fatal damage to the kidneys, liver, and heart in doses of about 50-100mg. Breathing the smoke can cause airway irritation and coughing, but is rarely if ever fatal at typical concentrations. Exposure to intact skin is also usually not thought to cause lasting damage, though as you’ll see in the next paragraph, that doesn’t happen often.

Another way WP can enter the body, and probably more relevant in the context of its use as a chemical weapon, is through burn wounds. WP tends to burn or explode on contact with any air above 86F (30C), and can cause extensive partial and full-thickness burns. The burns may have a characteristic yellow wound bed, and can pose a hazard to both the patient and rescuers due to the fact that unspent WP particles in the wounds can spontaneously re-ignite. Wounds must be kept damp until the patient is decontaminated to avoid re-ignition of the particles, and the careful use of copper sulfate or silver nitrate as an antidote can make the decontamination process a lot safer and easier.

Note that I don’t recommend googling this unless you have an exceptionally high tolerance for human suffering.

Instead, enjoy these curated pictures:

Picture “A” is of the yellow wound beds, and “B” is all the unspent WP glowing under a UV light. 

The WP passes readily through the burn-damaged tissue, and if the patient survives the burns themselves, can still cause fatal damage to the kidneys, liver, and heart.

Before we move on, I would like to point out one last particularly horrifying aspect of WP poisoning: It does not kill quickly. Initial symptoms of severe gastrointestinal distress may last up to 8 hours, after which a latent period similar to the kind seen in radiation poisoning lasts for about 3 days. Organ failure then develops, which if severe, usually results in death unless dialysis and a liver transplant can happen fast enough.

Tying this back in, you can see why the team didn’t want this getting into the wrong hands.

Morphine Darts

So now we’re finally here at the fun part. And by fun I mean... well, poorly portrayed?

Because honestly? Morphine could take these guys out, or at least make it difficult for them to fight, which would accomplish the goal of leveling the field a little. The problems in this scene lie, as they usually do in TV, in:

The route of administration-

Repeat after me, kids: If you are chucking a needle at someone, you’re hoping against hope to hit a muscle. Did I say “neck needle” anywhere in that sentence? Good. You should know how I feel about them by now.

I know they were going for the needle to have hit the exterior jugular, delivering the dose of morphine IV and therefore making it reasonable that the person could be quickly subdued afterwards without alerting his friends to the guy running around chucking needles at people. To give you an indication of how difficult it would be to do this, however, placing a 18g IV catheter into the exterior jugular (placing an “EJ”) is something RNs are not allowed to do in hospitals because there’s too much room for error. No one, not even MacGyver, could reliably throw something 20 ft and hit the EJ perfectly.

Plus, there’s a lot of really important things in your neck that you don’t want to just forcefully stick needles in randomly. While insulin needles are very small, it would still be safer and more effective and reliable to stick them in large muscles like the thigh or butt, which can also take considerably higher volumes of medication without injury.

The dose-

The validity of the needle chucking contraption notwithstanding, the needles they use in the scene are U100 insulin needles (not exclusive to insulin, that’s just what they’re called), meaning if you filled the entire syringe, the total volume would be only 1ml. Morphine comes in IV concentrations up to 15mg/ml. The most filled syringe I saw in this whole scene was to about the 0.15ml mark, so even assuming they used the frankly ridiculously high concentration of 15mg/ml, that would only be about 2.25mg/dose.

I say “only” because the starting dose of morphine for acute pain clocks in at around 4mg for otherwise healthy people. How much of an impact morphine has has a lot to do with size and tolerance, too. Some of the antagonists in this scene were big enough they probably wouldn’t have been knocked off balance by (or possibly even felt) 2.25mg, let alone felt “10 shots of vodka” as the scene suggests. At the peak of effectiveness, it might have given Desi a slight advantage in a fight, but wouldn’t have taken anyone down.

The time to onset/peak-

The last thing about these I’ll say before I step off (never!) is about the onset time. The “onset” is the length of time it takes, on average, for a drug to begin working, and the “peak” is when it is most effective. This is different between drugs and routes. Morphine’s IV onset is rapid (and at the speed this would have been pushed, probably would have made the person briefly dizzy and nauseated), but it still takes about 20mins to “peak”, so assuming Mac *did* impossibly manage to sink an EJ from 20 feet away and there was a high enough dose to do something, anyone in this scene would still have had plenty of time to alert others or fight before they were incapacitated. The best thing throwing a needle at someone in this scene would do is provide some distraction while Desi takes them out manually.

More realistically, morphine injected into the muscle takes at least 10 minutes for onset and up to an hour to peak and doesn’t have as rough of side effects, meaning overall that no matter the dose, morphine is a really poor choice for a tranq dart (but admittedly, if its what you’ve got, its what you’ve got. Also who decided just leaving it lying out in a supply closet was a good idea? The fact that it hadn’t been stolen yet is a miracle in itself.).

R E F E R E N C E S

So there you have it. If you liked this and want to take a look at other MacGyver reviews I’ve done, you can find them here: Awl - X-Ray + Penny - Duct Tape + Jack - CD + Hoagie Foil - Guts + Fuel + Hope - Wilderness + Training + Survival - Father + Bride + Betrayal

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