Tumgik
#ive been here for 2 years i just still dont know anything
twilightdomain · 11 months
Text
learnéd scholars pls help bc i do not know how the origin and timeline of a revenant commander is supposed to go. like when canonically is the ability discovered/made available. is a revenant commander supposed to be a Mega Special Babygirl or is it an established class of battle mage. who invented this
21 notes · View notes
tamagotchikgs · 4 months
Text
i can remember being 12 & even younger staring at my body n my face in the mirror n knowing i was hideous n i needed to fix it n promising myself i would so i can actually live & be of worth and yet . ive never gotten there. ive never gotten close. it's just repeat n repeat and im still here stuck in the same exact mindset never changing never growing never experiencing anything because it was all on hold n im still. sitting here staring at myself but unable to grow or do or feel anything like im supposed to. i dont have a personality or any traits to share i only have thoughts telling me how awful i am . how i need to fix it. how i need to fix everything . over and over for years
Tumblr media
8 notes · View notes
Text
me for the majority of the night:
Tumblr media
me remembering that my grandma gave me a quilt that was handmade in the 60s by my great grandma:
Tumblr media
4 notes · View notes
opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
Text
...
#ay ay ay. my head feels like its stuffed completely full of cotton. bulging at the seems#its just that wrung out ive been crying too much feel. i just had to do a bunch of application stuff yesterday night#and there were way too many tears so i work up out of focus with salt in my eyelashes. so i wasnt that productive despite the fact i really#need to b rn. and i met with my boss for our weekly meeting and its just so many things i have to do#like theres this procedure for some new equipment we have and im testing it out but like she wants to see it in action and im like treading#close to dangerously unstable so the chances i burst into tears in public is quite high which is why i hide in my apartment and only go to#the lab when no ones there. but no im prob gonna have to go in Thursday and have to go drive like and hr away next week so we can hopefully#have all the equipment we need for another project thats gonna kill me. plus we got contacted by a group we were gonna work with last year#who wanna work with us again. which is objectively good like itll look real good on a cv to b involved and like even non science ppl would#prob find it cool. but i csnt feel any of that bc i dont kno how im gonna be able to go back and forth contacting the other lab group i#have to work with in order to do everything. which its like itll b fine#ive done it before. 2 of the 3 things i have done before so itll be fine. it just doesn't feel like it#it feels like im dissolving into pieces and everythings spinning too fast. theres a film between myself and everything else so i cant touch#anything and it cant touch me.#and its weird bc i know that burning myself out is what got me here but i still cant detatch myself from the soul crushing guilt of not#making every second productive. its disorienting bc my brain will b like: u should just stay here over break and get stuff done#and like no. thats objectively the worst thing i could possibly do. i just feel like a wet glob of paper towels. ive already committed#myself to only 13 days being gone. only have to trudge through like 21 days 1st. how? no idea#like im sure itll b fine but somethings gotta give before my brain implodes beyond repair. if were not there already#ay everytime my boss says something nice abt me to someone it just feels like a knife in the gut. like shes not lying but i just feel like#ive fallen so far that shes talking abt a past verson of me and it makes me sad. like idk how obvious it is but im sure i have terrible#vibes irl lol like the sort of pained twisted up little smiles u make when u dont wanna lie but u dont wanna b honest ay#itll b fine. i can feel the floorboards giving way so somethings close to giving just have to see where and in what form the metaphor#actulizes. hopefully it does so quickly bc im bored and tired of living like this. and i dont really wanna go home and explode into tears#like a child and have my parents deal with me. which they would bc theyre great. i just dont wanna worry them sigh...#unrelated#i should sleep bc i gotta get up and burn my brain out being a scribe tomorrow morning. at least i get to hang out with someone cool
5 notes · View notes
jackalhadrurusluvr · 5 months
Text
i did lots of laundry today and i am changing my sheets and i would like a little bit of gentleness from the universe
#like ok goddamn. ig ill send in a job application or a few. WHAT DO U WANT FROM ME!!!!!!!!#what they dont tell you is the post-friends-hangout-depression is much worse when you see them like thrice a year#before i wouldve had close friends to spend my time with.... but alas. but im still here and breathing nonetheless so i need the world to#take it easy on me#in my pursuit of opening a can of olives the can opener pinched me hard as hell#and i was only getting olives because my coffee machine decided it doesnt know how to heat water anymore#and i was gonna have tea because i couldnt think of anything else to have and just wanted something sweet#i also cleaned the litterbox and basically i actively existed today#doesnt a man deserve a little treat for that#i even got up at noon#and my dads gf :pensive: is still here#auuuauuauauauauurrghhghhhhghhhgh#its kind of funny that my dad expects me to be bffs with her like dawg even with our closest relatives i am extremely awkward and uncomfy#like ive grown to love my aunt! i still would really rather not be around her for the regular 2 hours of visiting time!#i will not speak to her directly! i will speak very very minimally and it will not be to her. and its been this way all my life#extreme introvert in a family of extreme extroverts moment#anyways. the pain in my body from Going Out is also very very intense#im not much of a headaches man and they really trigger my hypochondria#so having one for the past few days has not been optimal. been doing a lot of laying down#they dont know it is messed up that i get the post-hangout sadness and post-hangout pain that takes me out for days#my friends are moving on in their lives and making progress and looking towards the future :(#i am so happy for them. but also what the hell am i doing#i have to pee. i really dont wanna get up. uuurgrghrgrhh.. i ate all my olives. they were good#20yrs on this hell of an earth with absolutely no purpose nor direction but at least there is black olives
1 note · View note
kalashtars · 6 months
Text
venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
0 notes
kittykatinabag · 1 year
Text
While I greatly enjoy the subject of place making in urban design, I utterly hate the amount of pandering to capital holders a lot (if not most) of current "place making professionals" do in their work.
#also really hate some of the current trends of 'pop up events' that run for maybe a month and then never again#'its to get peoples imaginations going kristen!' until you realize that you dont actually leave any reliable framework when its done#and theres an inherent bias against creating those frameworks because that requires decentralization of your knowledge#which makes you and your work finacially threatened and even as a nonprofit you still need to make a living#idk im just pondering webs of power and the paradoxes of creating a better world using capitalism instead of dismantling it#also avoiding doing the newest academia bs and trying to avoid any fucking grades talk with the people i know here#because i havent told them that i havent turned anything in yet because depressions been kicking my ass#and they dont get the executive dysfunction part of it because their anxiety is so out of control that it still forces them to do things#and their reward circuits in their brains still work while mine dont anymore#and while they might have sympathy all theyre going to do is suggest solutions which is not what i need rn#also the solutions they will probably give probably wont work because ive tried pretty much off of them except cocaine#and im trying to avoid doing that for obvious reasons#i already know what i need is to 1- live alone; 2- live in a place with more amenities nearby; and 3- have an understanding support system#the problem is money. and circumstances. and having a support system. but mostly money and circumstances#the thing i cant figure out quite yet is why im avoiding telling them instead of just laying it out there#maybe cause it would seem like im putting part of this burden on them?#maybe something in my instincts and years of social observation is telling me that if i tell them their view of me will drastically change?#and then there goes whatever scraps of a support system i have out here#idk its probably just trauma leaking again#late night ramblings
0 notes
propertyofwicked · 6 months
Text
SECRETS part 4 - LN
content warnings: fluff, angst, drama (the whole shabang).
ur girl is going back to working full time tomorrow so if we have slow updates blame my place of work. also, im still recovering from the 4am wakeup and lando p3
previous part -> next part
masterlist the playlist
Tumblr media
“max pick up the damn phone,” y/n said, taking great strides across the paddock towards the car park. once again, the phone call had gone to voicemail. she clicked his contact details, ringing him again. only this time, it didn’t even ring. the phone went straight to voicemail. and to add to the matter, max’s car had disappeared from the car park.
y/n sat on the empty floor of the empty parking spot her brothers car had been in, opening up her phone to check the time and send a message to max, she probably should’ve waited for the mix of fear and anger to fade, but here she was, tapping aggressively at the screen of her phone.
if you think you can ignore me forever, you’ve got another thing coming
dont think you can jump to conclusions and throw a childlike strop about this.
but of course, the messages stayed on delivered for hours. it was at least 2 hours before lando’s caller id popped up on her phone, still with no word from max.
“hey, where did you go? mum said something about you walking off,” lando asked her the moment she answered the call.
“currently? i’m sat on the floor of the car park. where are you - ill walk over now,” she said bluntly. he stayed on the line until she entered the mclaren unit.
“y/n? what do you mean max has left?” panic rising in his voice as she walked up to him, his hands coming to rest on her waist.
“i mean he’s left. gone. driven off,” she said with a shrug, “he won’t answer my calls, hasn’t read my texts, he’s just gone.”
“he might be at the hotel? we’ll drive over in a bit and see?”
“i don’t think we should do anything, i think we might have done enough damage for one day.”
“y/n your brother has just driven off. you should at least try and check if he’s at the hotel.”
“fine, but i’m going alone.”
“let me try and talk to him first, you never know something might’ve happened with P?” lando said, still stroking her hips softly, desperately trying to think of any reason that his best friend had up and left.
4 unanswered calls later, and lando and y/n found themselves sat on the sofa in his driving room again, her head laying on her lap as he stroked her hair, trying to resolve the anxiety.
“i don’t care what he thinks, y/n. i feel so strongly about you and i think i have for years.”
“i think i have too. but i hate the thought of people disliking me, let alone my own brother.”
“i know, angel. he’ll come around soon, i promise.”
“that man held a grudge against me for years when i accidentally scraped the side of his kart when i was 12,” she said, laughing sadly at the memory of their parents having to sit them down in the living room and make them apologise to each other. the moment was quickly interrupted by her phone ringing, max’s caller id popping up on the screen.
“ma-”
“no. don’t talk to me. you two have lied to my face for years about this. lando promised me he would never even think about you in that way. and you, i don’t know what ive done to you for you to go behind my back and fuck my best friend but it’s not on.”
“max i-” lando tried to reason with him.
“oh, of course he’s there. just waiting for the moment i left to start fucking my sister, didn’t you?”
“it’s not like that, max.”
“no? then what is it like? ‘cos from where im standing it’s pretty clear he’s been waiting years to take advantage of my little sister,” he argued down the phone, venom rolling off his tongue.
“take advantage of me?” she scoffed, moving to sit up and hold the phone next to her mouth, “who the fuck do you think you are to talk to or about me in that way? who gave you the audacity to believe you have any control over who i choose to date? you couldn’t care less about protecting me, you only care about protecting yourself," she said, her voice raising and her finger moving to point as if he were stood in front of her.
“he’s not right for you.”
“that’s your opinion max. if you can’t trust me, or lando for that matter, then why should i bother giving you a moment more to talk down to me?”
lando sat silently next to her, playing with his own fingers. this was not his fight to fight right now. he’d speak to max privately later, right now, he knew y/n needed to stand up for herself, and god was she smashing it.
“why can’t you just listen to me?” max sighed, defeated, “i know what’s good for yo-”
“go fuck yourself,” she said, hanging up the call, and dropping her phone on the floor besides her. lando’s arms move to behind her waist, pulling her back to rest into him on the sofa. the room fell into silence.
“im sorry,” she mumbled.
“don’t be sorry. this is on him, and me. i should’ve told him the truth the first time round. hell, i should’ve told you the truth earlier.”
“i’ve ruined your big day, lan. p2 - you should be celebrating, not arguing with your best friend.”
“im with you - that’s celebration enough,” he said, happy to see her smile for the first time in hours. she moved to lay her head back down on lando’s lap, this time looking up at him. a knock on the door brought the two of them back to reality, and cisca walked in, adam trailing slightly behind.
y/n contemplated moving, jumping away from the boy who was currently running his hands through her hair, but it had only been 4 hours of hiding whatever was going on between the two of them and she was already bored of keeping up the pretence.
“y/n, love, did you find max?” cisca asked, eyes softening at the scene unfolding in front of her. had she secretly wished for this for years? maybe.
“yea, he um, he went home.”
“he’s not happy about this, is he?” adam said, pointing between the two of you, yet even he couldn’t help but smile slightly.
“not happy, fuming, absolutely raging - i guess you could say that,” she replied, laughing slightly to ease any tensions.
“he’ll come around lovely, he can’t stay mad at you. you’re his sister after all.”
“i love that you think so highly of my brother, cisca. he will go to the grave holding this grudge if he can.”
“ill talk to him later ang- y/n,” lando said, correcting himself quickly, not comfortable enough yet to be overly affectionate in front of his parents.
“good luck with that,” y/n joked, patting him on the arm sadly.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
later that evening, y/n found herself sat on the floor of lando’s hotel rifling through her bag to find her pyjamas. earlier, her and lando had driven to her hotel room, to find that max had packed his stuff and left as expected. she didn’t want to be alone, and lando didn’t want to leave her alone. her phone began to ring, and she answered it praying it wasn’t max.
“y/n the videos of you are going feral on twitter right now,” her best friend, caitlin, shouted down the phone the moment she picked up.
“stop it - what are people saying?”
“erm, some people think it’s cute?” he friend responded, voice laced in slight worry.
“…and the rest of them think im a slut?” y/n added, but her friend only responded with a hum.
“what’s max said?”
“from what i remember, he drove off leaving me stranded at the track and then rang me to say i was making a mistake, i was a liar and he never wanted to speak to me or lando ever again.”
“taking it well then,” the girl responded, y/n could hear her eyes rolling. at that moment, lando emerged from the bathroom, with just a towel hanging around his waist. any words y/n intended to say got stuck in her throat. he took strides towards her, noticing she was on the phone and pressing a kiss to the top of her head, before moving to his own suitcase to find a change of clothes.
“y/n…are you in lando’s room right now?”
“maybe?” y/n responded in a guilty tone, quieter than she had before, glad lando couldn’t hear the girl on the other side of the phone. however, he seemed to clock on to the question from the small grin on her face.
“girl why did you answer the phone? go spend time with your new controversial boyfriend.”
“he’s not my b- you know what, i’m gonna go.”
“dont do anything i wouldn’t do, stay safe!” her friend added cheerily, laughing as she ended the call. cheery was the furthest emotion from what y/n felt at this moment in time.
once y/n was in her pyjamas, she moved her way back into the room, lando was sat up in bed, his back resting on the headboard, phone in hand. he looked up as she walked in, patting the spot next to him for her to join. her face fell into a look that screamed apprehension.
“y/n nothing bad will happen if you get into this bed and cuddle with me.”
“something bad already happened,” she said, climbing under the duvet next to him nonetheless. his hand reached behind her waist pulling her into his chest, her head coming to rest on him.
“im happy this happened, but im not happy about every thing that’s happening as a result," she told him, her eyes blinking slowly as the exhaustion from todays drama caught up with her.
“i know baby,” he responded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, “get some sleep. we’ll sort this out tomorrow, i promise.”
★ ☆ ✦ ✧ ✩ ✶
tag list: @harrysdimple05 @scopeiguess @hiireadstuff @landosgirlxoxo @natt9598 @phantomxoxo @val-writes @secretgal66 @ririyulife @littlehoneyfreak @leclercdream @mehrmonga @eviethetheatrefreak @thatoneembarrasingmoment @doofenshmirtzevil-inc @formula1mount @lottef1 @rayna-s @5starl1ght @cthgee
768 notes · View notes
81folklore · 11 months
Text
older - CL16
pairings: charles leclerc x male!singer!reader (fc: luke hemmings)
summary: singer yn ln releases a love song with his boyfriend, and the public are not prepared for who it is about
authors note: this has been on my mind for SO LONG. i honestly dont like how many fics ive been doing on the same people (charles, lando etc) but whenever i go to start a new one on my list for someone else i think of something that i have to do😭 also in this reader is not a part of 5sos but close friends with the 3, wfttwtaf is readers album and older is exclusivly the readers song
authors note 2: i wanted to quickly clarify i am NOT speculating that charles or luke are gay/queer and this is not my intentions. luke obviously sings older and i find it easier to visualise it this way, while the reader in this is male, this could also be read as gn!reader. this is FICTION please do not tkae this as me speculating anything
authors note 3: i didnt really know what i was doing with this so its kind of all over the place and very rushed :/ but then again when arent my smau all over the place?? also can you tell i hate writing comments by the way i just dont😭
masterlist
Tumblr media
yourusername
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
liked by pierregasly, ashtonirwin and 818,937 others
we started this song together back in 2020 and picked it back up at the end of 2022
'Older' was originally a voice memo of a 50’s-style love song that we wrote together, then forgot about. when thinking of concepts for my debut album i stumbled across the memo and fell in love with it all over again, but i put it aside yet again as to me, it deserved more than the album
the song has changed a lot from the original voice memo, but the meaning has stayed the same throughout. despite all the beauty, the ups and downs of a long-term relationship over many years, there’s inevitably going to be the worst moment of your love because one of you is going to lose each other
capturing those feelings in a song was tricky but ultimately we wrote from the heart and i think it shows in the song itself
this has always been a song between us, so having him play on this song was very importnt to me and im glad he said yes
older is now yours
comments on this post have been limited
Tumblr media Tumblr media
yourusername
Tumblr media
liked by landonorris, calumhood and 1,727,338 others
im very pleased to announce a very special one off show at the Royal Albert Hall in London this November 18th. I will be playing a bunch of tracks from my debut album and may be joined to play some others aswell! Tickets on sale this monday at 10 am BST. Lots of love always, yn x
comments on this post have been limited
Tumblr media Tumblr media
yourusername
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
liked by 5sos, charles_leclerc and 2,719,936 others
thank you for an incredible night at the royal albert hall
looking back at the best night of my life, i need to thank each and every one of you who allowed this dream to come true, i will never be able to thank you guys enough
performing in my dream venue, with my favorite people in the world was something i never thought was possible and yet here i am, writing this still on my high from last night
thank you to my friends; michael, ashton and calum who took the time to come to london and perform their songs with me, thank you for always loving me and agreeing to my crazy ideas
to my team and everyone who worked to make this night as special as it could be, thank you. thank you for making my htoughts a reality and making this night as wonderful as possible
thank you to the staff who worked throughout the show to make sure everyone was safe, well and looked after. you truly do not get as much credit as you deserve and i apreciate the hard work you put in to keep everyone happy
thank you to those who joined me, i wish each and every one of you who wanted to could have been there. thank you for singing along and listening to me pour my heart and soul into my music
thank you for letting me do this x
view comments
user55: not the pcd hitting already☹️
user1: and im supposed to pretend i didnt see yn and 5sos perform os/co??
user89: CHARLES?? YN IS DATING CHARLES??
user91: AND HE CAME ON STAGE?? AND THEY PERFORMED OLDER??
user50: i cant believe i saw this all happen live
user47: THANK YOU TO WHOEVER WAS RUNING THE GRAINY LIVESTREAM I OWE YOU MY LIFE🧎🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️
ashtonirwin: thank you for everything yn. youre a real life angel
user16: NO CHARLES MENTION??
user9: BESTIE HE HAS A WHOLE POST
yourusername
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, michaelclifford and 3,619,273 others
after having time to process this show, I feel so overcome with gratefulness. my music means so much to me and seeing so many people resonate with it in a live space was so special for me.
charlie, my life would literally fall apart without you and this would have never happened without you giving me the confidence to do so, i hold so much love and admiration for you
thank you for joining me on such a special night and performing our song with me, thank you for sticking with me through it all and thank you for allowing me to share this part of my life with you
i sometimes wonder where i would be if i didnt find you, if i wasnt blessed with your love. i try to think about the times before you, before us, but both feel impossible to do after feeling your love
life with you is so special and i promise to always cherish and love you
merci de m'avoir laissé vieillir avec toi, merci de m'avoir laissé t'adorer, merci de m'avoir choisi (thank you for letting me get old with you, thank you for letting me adore you, thank you for choosing me)
yn x
tagged: charles_leclerc
comments on this post have been limited
charles_leclerc: mon ange, je t'aimerai toujours (my angel, I will always love you)
charles_leclerc: je suis tellement privilégiée d'être celle que tu aimes🤍🤍 (I'm so privileged to be the one you love)
yourusername: vieillir avec toi ne semble pas si effrayant🖤🖤 (growing old with you doesn't seem so scary)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
678 notes · View notes
ar1mas · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
- a rant
no because ive watched this stupid show 5 years ago, and i only noticed this now?? how???
ok. some context first. this is about fox' gotham, a prequel series to batman. or at least a potential one with slight changes. one of those changes is the relationship between oswald cobblepot and edward nygma (spelled with a 'y' for mayhap legal reasons? idfk its silly). whats their relationship like in the show? well...
theyre gay af. idk what to tell you.
okay so oswalds gay as fuck. edwards... ambiguous. totally ambiguous. he had a girlfriend or 2 and a half (kristen kringle, the-woman-who-shall-not-be-named (aka kristen but... blonde? this show is weird), and lee. not comfy counting lee, but technically shes one, hence the 'and a half')! very straight, much hetero (on another side note how tf is oswald the gay one, like i know he wears make-up and shit but eddies all about theatrics and showmanship and flair and hOW IS OSWALD THE GAY ONE NEXT TO HIM?? ok anyway).
so oswald was (is. be real.) canonically in love with ed, ed was.........., and 'penguin in love' is a piece of music composed by david russo for season three in which the whole "im in love with my best friend" thing took place.
that song has been used all over season three, as far as i can tell not once in season four, and once in season five.
.....or so i thought.
because yesterday, while in another obsession phase (of which i get one a few times a year. ive only ever watched the show once, in 2019, when it ended. still dream about nygmobblepot though. i dont dream about media, like ever, but with them, its different), i saw 5x8 to satiate my never satisfied craving of nygmob scenes, obviously skipping the main story bc i dont care about that straight shit. i got to the scene where oswald kills mr. scarface and frees arthur penn from said mr. scarface, after which ed shoots him in the head because thats what one does in such a situation, thought "aw how cute", again, as one does, and then realised.
what was that background music just now? rewinds.... oh. oh haha, its 'penguin in love'. how fun.
WHAT.
WHY IS THAT IN THERE. WHY DID THEY INCLUDE IT.
correction. it wouldve made sense to have it here. they used it in 5x5 for the speech about not backstabbing each other (wedding vows for murderers fr fr), so using it again after their relationship has solidified wouldve made sense.
note how im saying 'would have'.
because it would have made sense, if they used it when ed said "i accept you for the person that you are, just as you accept me for the cold logician that i am. thats why this friendship is great." they didnt, though. they used another equally heartfelt song for that. dunno what its called, it sounds a bit like 'penguin in love' but isnt, not sure if that one has a specific meaning like 'penguin in love' does.
so when was the song used? at 36:08 – 36:17. barely ten seconds, right before eds lines, right before ed kills penn.
...right when penn was sitting in oswalds lap because theyd been fighting for the gun and os fell on the ground.
now. the most obvious answer to "why in the fucking hell" would be because ooh this dudes on his lap so sexy, but no. no. 'penguin in love' is about one specific thing: love. the pure kind. the kind that makes you giddy with butterflies in your stomach, kicking your legs, while youre on your bed, writing in your diary about this guy you have a crush on. and oswald and penn do have history, oswald was more or less fond of penn, but not in love (i mean where would he have found the room in his heart if it was already filled with EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD martin my sweet boy EDWARD EDWARD EDWA-). im also definitely not thinking that penn was so happy about being free from mr. scarfaces influence and not having to kill oswald (oh yeah, the horror. who would wanna kill oswald, the guy with the big ego, who never does anything for anyone without some kind of endgoal- well, unless your name is edward of course) that he instantly fell in love with the guy. i can deal with the homicidal kind of crazy, but that? no. thats where i draw the line.
the next most obvious answer is that it was about oswalds love for ed. more believable, since its what the song was made for, but more believable doesnt mean believable. or likely. because even if i 100% believe that hes been loving this dude for so long its not something he has to think about anymore for it to be true, im pretty sure that itd be very random to suddenly focus on that when oswald was just about to die. so no, even if its what the song is intrinsically about.
so next most obvious answer is- wait. thats it. huh? theres no obvious answer anymore? everything else is brainrot? oh. oh well. its been five years, im sure its too late to worry about it now. what the hell.
im sure you know where im going with this. or maybe not. honestly idk what the fuck im talking about-
youre smart. you know what im about to say. if it wasnt about what oswald was feeling because he was otherwise preoccupied, and it wasnt about penn because that makes no fucking sense, then who was this song used for? who else was in the room?
...oh.
Tumblr media
YOU.
Tumblr media
YOU FUCKING IMBECILE. YOU STUPID DENSE PIECE OF-
inhale, exhale. no. don’ get mad, you know he cant help it. you know hes totally helpless when it comes to emotions. just breathe. ok.
i hate him. i hate him so much.
if the song wasnt for oswalds sake, it was for his. because i know hes in love with oswald, but does ed? does the producers??
'penguin in love' is about oswalds love. its about his love for edward. its about their love, their relationship. its about edward just as much as it is about oswald.
a-fucking-PPARANTLY, I DIDNT KNOW THAT!! I JUST THOUGHT OH YEAH OZZY BE THE GAY ONE HAHA FUNNY, I DIDNT KNOW IT COULD BE ABOUT ED DIRECTLY!!!
(why am i like this? what is my life? i will never be normal.)
ed has always been the obsessive one. first kristen (and the woman who shall not be named is just an extention of that ofc), then oswald, then lee. and as weve seen with kristen, when hes obsessed with someone, he can become possessive. absolutely not on the scale oswald is on, but still. theres a wee bit of jelly there. oh you have a boyfriend? better get rid of him! oh you wanna run away from me bc i murdered your boyfriend? better keep you right in place and- oh shit did i kill you? ono D:
this is a huge oversimplification, but you get the point. its there. or at least it has to be there because why else do you get so angy that someone is sitting in the lap of your just friend because they were fighting and they ended up in that position totally accidentally? like thats not normal behaviour, for anyone, unless you have possessive tendencies.
i mean its not like penn was a threat in any way. "he wasnt the threat, the dummy was the-" like i understand ed told penn about the submarine which was supposed to be a secret, but come on, like they couldnt make sure penn wouldnt say anything. so why would ed shoot him? its not even like penn was a random dude where that type of thing would be very inconsequential, oswald knew him. hed worked for oswald, and like i said, oswald was more or less fond of the guy. penns just a poor little meow meow, y u kil him eddie? 🥺
unless this fondness was part of the problem. unless ed saw how happy oswald was to see him, got annoyed but let it slide, then used penn attacking os and knowing about the sub as an excuse to kill him. and why would oswald being happy to see penn be a problem to ed? it wouldnt be. it wouldnt be, unless ed thinks oswald is his.
which makes sense. i know im calling him names and calling him out, but like. oswald told him he loved him like 5 times 2 years prior, i dont blame him for believing that maybe theres something to it (especially since that was the point of 3x14, oswald really being in love with him and surprising himself with it). but i thought ed didnt feel the same way? because hes very hetero? because he had a full-on girlfriend before, twice, technically? because-
"the truth is oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. even me."
"like i said! you will always fail, because youll never change."
hm. i know this is a bit off topic, but i just got a war-flashback and... why did ed sound so hurt when he said that? "youll never change." "you would sacrifice anyone. even me." why does he care? they were friends, best friends, yes, but why does he sound like a heartbroken wife who just found out her husband cheated on her again? why does-
"honestly you deserve this. you are opportunistic, your loyalty is.. shaking, at best, and you will hurt anyone, anyone, to get what you want."
"and yes, i was not a good friend. to you or anyone. its why im alone. but i saw you for what you are and i valued that!"
...why would edward nygma, the man who literally said "i dont love you" to oswald, be jealous of even the idea that maybe penn could have something going on with oswald? and why would he act on it if hes usually so careful to not reveal his feelings (unless its about kristen. the original obsession, the american dream, the just be normal, show them you are normal, and people will accept you)? he wouldnt.
unless oswald just told him that he knows he messed up. that hes sorry for it.
and unless that made him think that maybe theres a chance.
"love is about sacrifice. its about putting someone elses needs and happiness before your own."
"you gave up your revenge for me?"
a chance... for what?
"life begins anew."
"shall we get to work?"
and if theres a chance, hes not about to risk losing it. not this time.
so maybe 'penguin in love' is about more than just oswalds feelings. maybe they were trying to tell us that, yes, we see you traumatised gay kid, were sorry this is all we can give you, but here you go, eds in love with him too, but don’t tell the channel. subtlely. just for barely ten seconds. and maybe it can be enough.
nope, it wont be. im gonna sit here crying about the injustice of not having them kiss on screen in the finale as was originally intended for the rest of my life. seriously though, what is this, nbc's hannibal, where im noticing something new details every single time i watch the show, causing me to spiral? no, i was already spiralling. the spiralling was the reason i rewatched the scene. the scene simply made it worse.
so yeah, im done freaking out about a mediocre show that was cancelled 5 years ago and is honestly not worth anyones time (like, its ok. it might even be better than i remember since its been so long. i doubt it. but its ok).
tl;dr: ive only now realised that a specific gay song plays in a specific episode of a show i watched 5 years ago and the only reason theyd include it in the episode is if the dude that was not canonically in love with the other dude was in fact gay, they just werent allowed to make it canon, so they added the gay song to subtlely tell us about it.
have a wonderful day, hellsite. dont do what i did and go crazy about fictional gay people. i know you will though, that’s why im here too. i hate gay people. these two make me homophobic so bad, i wanna gauge my eyes out and skin myself-
69 notes · View notes
leixo-demo · 4 months
Note
any tips on how to draw in the splatoon style?
Ive been trying over and over to answer this question but i simply can't, cus i dont know how i make stuff, i did 2 tutorials in the past and they are simply me going "yeah you just go black in your mind and then come back and boom!" I tried to film myself a few times but still it's simply me zoning out filling a canvas of millions of sketches and then just drawing and drawing. There's no step by step thing, I simply just go BRBRBRBRBBRR and like adding really REALLY specific details and then BRBRBRBBR.
I tried hard, to think, why I make it accurate, I honestly tried for over 4 years to do splatoon looking art before i even opened this account, especially for commissions or doing more splatband art, people can give you feedback and if you're good enough they'll pay you.
Tumblr media
I really came to think I was the best to just hate the art i did 3 days after, I did the "pufuu" moment trying to fake leake art or something and you can really put there if ppl is 1) so desesperated for new art 2) youre good at it
Then I tried to think, well did i studied the style? Yesss,,, at the begining, then i starts to differ as different artists besides Inoue, and his style also develops, so basically as long it fits,,
These 3 drawings just look complely different from each other and still it simply makes them more unique.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
"But then how you make it splatoon?" You simply can't, cus it is not just one person, there is a lot, make it your own, give it your own twist, but, what about brushes, THATS what gives the style... right?
MogaChumu, on devianart
Tumblr media
this art LOOKS officinal, but it isnt, thre's barely any rough edges like in original, there's some shading but it is not like in the original
is it the anatomy? neither, you can clearly see how they change every time how they draw inklings, sometimes the draw eyebrows in place, sometimes they round the faces sometimes they color pink they mouth despite the ink color. IT IS NOT JUST ONE PERSON.
I can't really give you more than this. As I mentioned in other posts, I use clip studio paint, my brushes were made by myself 4 years ago. If you have a hard time making your own there's (again) pufuu's brush set for procreate: https://x.com/pufuulive/status/1427743911708143617?lang=bn
the same but for psd and csp: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/15Ib-jyvKxIDi0um0FnX3LcBet6m1pym3
and if you use another program just search for "Splatoon brushes" and go to the image tab, ive seen brushes uploaded in devianart for paint tool sai and for ibis paint. I just searched for splatoon tutorials and I found this saved: https://www.tiktok.com/discover/how-to-do-splatoon-art-style
Here's one of my videos if you can take anything and analyse it better than me, I'm sorry I can't really give you anything better,
64 notes · View notes
sukiipjs · 7 months
Text
✮ BLONDIE : PT 1
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader
↳ words - 2239
↳ summary - you’ve been having a hard time realizing and accepting the fact that you’re gay, and in love with your best friend. you try to ignore the feelings but that only makes everything worse until you can’t hide it anymore.
↳ contains - swearing, angst, use of y/n, internalized homophobia, depression, crying, idk??? [READ PT 2 - PT 3]
↳ song - blondie by current joys
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
Tumblr media
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
nick has been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me, and me there for him. we met in the first grade when he saw me alone at recess on the swings and he ran up to me, asking if i wanted to play with him and his brothers. one of the many things i love about him, hes always there, always there to help, or just be with. from that day on he’s always been my number one but honestly, i’ve been kind of avoiding him lately.
of course i don’t want to, i really really don’t want to, trust me, but i don’t want to make anything bad between us either. even though pushing him away is probably fucking things up anyway.
the thing is, for months, maybe even years now i think that i might be coming to a realization: i think i’m gay, or not gay but bi? i hate labels, i dont want to be put into a box, its honestly just hard to fit into one too. i mean i’ve had girlfriends before and i’ve liked that, but nick…
okay i might be coming to another realization: i think i’m in love with nick. and to make everything worse, i can’t even talk to anyone about this because the only person i would tell is nick, but if i told him, well i just cant, it could destroy our friendship. he’d hate me, i cant lose him.
but maybe i’m not in love with him, i mean i love nick, i always have but maybe its not love love? maybe its just me appreciating our friendship more. okay who am i kidding it’s definitely becoming more, I LOVE HIM. he’s just perfect, in general, to me, to everyone. i want to spend every moment of my life with him, i want to hug him and never let him go, i want to be with him, i just want to see him again.
i can’t even imagine what he’d say if he knew i liked him. he’d probably be disgusted, i’d ruin our friendship forever. i cant do that, i can’t risk anything like that, i need him even if that means the best thing i can do is just stay away, make up lies of why i cant hang out, slowly stop texting him, i mean maybe it's not the best thing but its either i do this and try and force these feelings down or i tell him and ruin everything. this is better, or at least that’s what i keep telling myself.
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
nick 🫶
| wanna hang out today? haven’t seen you in forever, i’m boredddd
| i know i’m sorry, but i cant today, really really sorry. still not feeling good
| that’s okay, hope you feel better though 💕 if you need anything tell me okay?
| i’d rather hang out with you and get sick then spend one more second with my idiot brothers over here 💀
i stare at the message on my screen, i’m not sick, i’m just trying to be a good friend… by avoiding my best friend… sure, whatever.
i slam down my phone on my mattress, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. muffled screams from my mouth as tears, start to pour from my eyes. every time i message him, saying i cant hang out i immediately regret it. i want to see him, i always do but again, i cant, i fucking cant. it would only make my feelings stronger and i just need to get rid of them as soon as i can so things can just go back to how they were.
fuck, here comes the spiral that ive been replaying in my head forever. do i even really like him? am i really bi, gay, straight, whatever the fuck? i don’t even know, it’s all too confusing and stressful right now. why can’t i just be me? and have my best friend with me again? actually hang out with him, see him?
all i can really do right now is continue screaming and crying into my pillow about how much of a shitty friend i’m being, great. I constantly stalk his instagram, trying to see if i do really like him and try to see what he’s up to without me, i miss him so much.
…i wish he was a girl then i would be straight and all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much. i’m not trying to say that being gay is bad, all i’m saying is that it would be easier to figure all this out if i was straight and he was a girl. i know that’s so messed up to say but i don’t know how else to put it.
if he was a girl, i’d know that i’m in love with him, i wouldn’t be so afraid to accept myself because there wouldn’t be anything to accept. i’d just be me and he’d she’d be him her, i’d get to be his her boyfriend and we’d be a happy couple. i’d be happy and i wouldn’t have to push the person i love most in this stupid world away…
i smash my face into my silky white pillowcase over and over, shaking my head as i force the sides of the pillow into my face more. i want to suffocate.
i scream into my pillow more and more. ‘i love you nick, i love you nick, i love you. i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you… but i do, i really really do, but i cant… i really really fucking cant.’
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
i stay rotting in my bed, spiraling about random shit, taking random quizzes of ‘am i gay?’ or ‘am i in love with my bestfriend?’ or ‘is it a crush?’ like i know.
soft blankets cover me, my silky pillows supporting my back as i rewatch rupaul's drag race on my computer until i finish it again, oreos and empty dr pepper cans surround me. and of course, nick always in my mind, everything reminding me of him, those stupid quizzes, his favorite show, his favorite drink. i wish he could be here, like how we used to hang out before i started ruining everything but i could be ruining it more, at least im keeping my mouth shut.
every once and a while, a message from nick pops up. him sending me a tiktok or telling me about how spacecamp is going or just something random, asking how im doing, if im still sick. most times i try to ignore him, turning off the notifications but i answer sometimes, only one or two words, maybe just an emoji, just trying to say something. i don’t want him to think i hate him or anything, i still of course love him.
the only time i ever get up from my bed is to go the the bathroom or get more food, ive been wearing the same two sweatpants alternating them and random shirts that i throw on the floor after i wear them for enough. my hair shaggy and a scratchy stubble on my face. i look and feel gross. i didnt think that forcing my best friend away and trying to figure out my sexuality could make me this depressed, who knew.
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
weeks pass of me ignoring (or at least trying to ignore) nick and weeks of screaming into my sheets and sleeping all day become more and more. i finally decide to leave my apartment and stock up on some random things that will help me rot in my room even more: coffee, chips, oreos, whatever else i might want.
as i scan the aisle for dr pepper, standing in my gray hoodie with the hood covering me and one of the two sweatpants i’ve been wearing on, i hear a voice at the end of the row calling to me, “y/n?” my head turns to see who knows me that’s here, about to see how disgusting i look and just my luck, it’s nick.
“nick” a bright smile floods my face, i haven’t seen him for what seems like forever, i look at his blonde hair with grown out brunette roots, plus that signature nose ring and star earrings, of course he looks great.
he runs up to me, giving me a warm hug as he smiles too, “oh my god i haven’t seen you in decadessss” he exaggerates, laughing at me, “you feeling better now?” i tilt my head a little, confused but then i remember my lie. “oh yeah, i am. even though i dont look it” i try to scoff a laugh, looking down at myself, excusing how ‘i dont care’ i look right now.
“you look fine.” he laughs back again, “you know… me, chris and matt were gonna go out for dinner soon, wanna come?” i can tell he really wants me to be there and i really want to but i try to push it away, still.
“uhhh, i think had something later, sorry” my small smile slowly fading as his does too, i don’t think i’ve seen his smile leave that fast. “really? we haven’t talked in weeks, i miss you” he jokes a little, but really we do miss each other.
“i know, i’m sorry, but i promise we’ll hang out soon yeah?” i try to fake a small smile, trying to make this a little better but nick still looks sad, “yeah okay, see you later then?” he looks like he hates me, he looks just annoyed, hurt. i feel terrible.
“yeah, later” i’m about to walk closer to give him another hug but he leaves, to i assume go find his brothers, before i can. i’m terrible.
i finish up grabbing my things before leaving and driving off, replaying our interaction in my head. i could’ve just went? it was one dinner, that’s all. not a big deal. but it’s too late, it would just be weird if my schedule suddenly cleared up now.
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
i make my way back to my apartment, putting my bags down on the counter before going straight to my room again, flopping down on top of the pile of blankets and stuffed animals that cover my bed.
i dig in my pocket for my phone, taking it out as i grab a blanket to pull it over my face, closing off the sun that shines through my window.
i go straight to me and nicks messages, thinking of texting him. ‘i’m sorry’ too short, plain. ‘sorry, i was wrong i can go’ feels like i’m pitying him, plus just dumb. ‘i love you’ yeah definitely not. ‘come over? sorry’ again, stupid and he can NOT see the mess i have over here.
i decide on nothing and put my phone to the side of me, burying my head into my pillows again, tears flooding my eyes again again again. it’s too much. this is all stupid and i need to get over it all. this is terrible.
i go back to my cycle of curling up in warm blankets, eating my now new oreos and dr pepper and rewatching shows i’ve seen a million times before. and obviously stalking nicks instagram, he posted a story of him and his brothers at dinner. he’s still wearing those earrings and that same beige jacket he was wearing before, and he still looks great.
i swipe up, about to message him. ‘you look great, sorry i couldn’t come’ i quickly delete it and just like the story. i need to stop trying to message him when i’m trying to ignore him.
₊ ° .☆ °:. *₊
after falling asleep shortly after i finished looking at nicks story i wake up to like five texts from who? nick, of course.
nick 🫶
| are you ignoring me?
| like did i do something or what?
| are you okay?
| can we just talk or hang out please?
| y/n?
| okay sorry actually, never mind
my heart drops, i feel so TERRIBLE. nick did nothing and i never want him to think that he did something wrong. he’s perfect.
i pick up my phone to respond but honesty i don’t know if i should… i want him to know that he did nothing but he’s right about me ignoring him… fuck this. i just ignore him, still.
i shut off my phone fast and roll to my other side, curling up my legs and staring at the small textured bumps on the off-white wall that i face. i take in every detail, trying to distract myself with something else. i spot all the tiny discolorations or stains on the wall, the way it all starts to blur when tears, again, rain out my eyes.
they drip on the curves of my cheeks and lips, my hands are tucked under my legs as he tears drop onto my sheets, i don’t bother wiping them off. they make a small circle ish shape when it hits on my bed with a darker gray on my gray sheets.
my spiraling hits again when the ridges on my wall go dark as my eyes close. why can’t my best friend just be my best friend? why can’t i just be a normal person? why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t this all just go away? why? why? why? why?
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy
132 notes · View notes
fizzbot · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
ok im not sure if anyones pointed this out yet, but this is a helluva boss sticker pack that just recently released. its very possible that it means absolutely nothing........but is it possible that these are hints to upcoming shorts???? (personal rambles and theories under the read more)
these all seem really random. which wouldnt be out of the norm for helluva merch, usually its just an assortment of random characters doing random things. but with the fact that we now know that we'll be getting shorts, and the fact that these all seem like very specific scenarios, i think its plausible that these are hints for things that might be upcoming.
the cherubs being here is especially interesting, because we havent seen anything about them AT ALL since early season 1. we know theyll be making a return (presumibly in mastermind) but then why is the merch featuring these cherubs, and not collin, keenie, and cletus? i think its possible that well be getting a short set in heaven, specifically about these characters/perhaps in preparation to the release of mastermind.
as we know from hells belles, verosika will be going on a tour in pride, which presumably sets up apology tour. but in this art shes not in pride, shes in sloth. this is where we know the rehab center is. is it possible shell end up back in rehab/well get a flashback short about her time in there? potentially even some backstory with her and barbie??
the next one features bee, tex, and loona. i THINK it was confirmed somewhere (although i dont have a source) that well be seeing bee again this year, although i just assumed that would be in the finale. its possible that she, tex, and loona will be hanging out again in a short, which would be nice! ive also seen some theories/speculation that this specefic piece of merch might allude to the ship ""honeybunch"" (or bee x tex x loona) potentially becoming canon.
stolas and octavia sort of has me stumped. based on her lines in the trailer, it seems like octavia is still harboring some resentment, and this picture seems like a really sweet glimpse into their domestic life. honestly this feels so out of character for me that it almost made me throw my whole idea about these being potential shorts out the window. im sure they still do have nice moments like this, but i struggle to picture them happening since the only interactions weve seen them have have been negative. maybe therell be a short trying to rectify this? or this could be a pre-blitz flashback.
im partially hoping these are shorts JUST for this next one. i want striker to have a short so so bad. i have literally NO idea what it would be, though. i just wanna see more of him and bombproof :( zooming in on the picture, i did notice that 1) theyre back in wrath. 2) striker is polishing a (not-blessed) knife. and 3), he doesnt seem to be too injured from the escape in oops. although, interestingly, we only get to see the left side of his face. im pointing this out, because in oops, when the explosion occurs, the shot of the fire zooming towards strikers face is a direct parallel to the shot of the fire zooming towards BLITZ face. i think it would be REALLY sick if they ended up with matching burn scars.
finally, moxxie and his mom. this is the piece that gave me this idea in the first place, just because it seems so incredibly random. i cannot even imagine a place where she would come back, if not a flashback short that delves deeper into his childhood. where else would she fit in this whole season? its possible that he has another flashback in the show, but the trailer seems REALLY focused on stolas and (especially) blitzs past, so it feels slightly unlikely. it makes sense that theyd get a whole short dedicated just for them.
idk, maybe im WAYYYY off. i just think it would be nice to get some time away from the main cast in their current states for a while and these seem like some of the best ways to do it
67 notes · View notes
floralhuqzz · 4 months
Text
Sexual tension (Johnnie Guilbert x fem reader) smut
Tumblr media
·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·
Warning: smut, degradation, choking, petnames, virgin reader,, DONT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18🔞
🦇author: the edit thats in this post is not mine,, all credits to crystalcaskle on tiktok!!! :) I also apologize if theres any misspelled words english is not my first language!
I woke up around 7 am when i decided to make myself some breakfast before i start streaming,, ive started youtube 1 year ago, around that time when i met Johnnie. Ive been living with him and Jake for the past 3 months and honestly its been going pretty good.
“whatcha’ making?”
“oh god dont scare me like that!” i slightly punch him in the shoulder
“sorry sorry.. it smells really good” he puts his arm around my shoulder and i blush.. i had a crush on him since when we first met
“you want some pancakes?” i look at him
“yeah, thanks” he pats my head, making my hair look like a mess
“i hate you” i roll my eyes
“you love me” he laughs as he sits down
‘i do..” i thought to myself
i make some coffee and more pancakes as i sit down next to Johnnie.
“are you doing something after?” he asks me while he keeps eating his pancakes
“yeah..i have to stream right now,, but im free afterwards” i smile
“wanna go out?” he finally looks at me,, he looked so beautiful,, his blue beautiful eyes.. his makeup he forgot to take off before bed that somehow still looked good on him.
“yeah..i would love to” i smile a little
i stand up
“i better go now, ill see you in 2 hours johnnie” i smile as i walk to my room
1 hour later*
i started streaming and i decided to react to some videos that my followers sent me,, they were usually sending edits of me or they will even sometimes send me memes. They all kinda supposed i had a crush on Johnnie, i just didn’t want to say anything just yet. They will sometimes send me edits of Johnnie and see my face turning red.
As one of my followers sent me this edit
When i watched that edit i said something that i will be definitely regretting later
“i volunteer..*cough* i mean what?..” i laugh
“WHAT DID SHE SAY” “DID WE HEAR THAT RIGHT?” “SHE JUST SAID I VOLUNTEER” “TELL ME THAT SOMEONE CLIPPED THAT”
“chat you are all crazy” i laughed
after another hour i decided to end the stream as i said my goodbyes
i walk to the living room as i see Johnnie sitting on the couch looking a bit serious
“you okay there?” i chuckle
“i need to talk to you”
oh no.
“yeah what is it?”
“mind explaining me this?” he shows me a clip of my reaction to that one edit on my stream
"oh um." i blush as i look away
"hm?" he stands up and walks towards me "cat got your tongue?"
i didnt say anything. i just stared at the floor
"i asked you something" he puts his hand on my chin
"it- it was just a joke, you know?" i chuckle awkwardly as i felt like i was about to pass out from embarassment
"it didnt seem like a joke to me" he stares at me
"yeah umm..." i start to walk back as he started to walk towards me, almost like trying to intimidate me
"whats wrong?" he smirks
"n-nothing" i finally bump into the wall behind me
"if you wanted to get fucked by me you couldve just said so"
"w-what?"
"dont play dumb"
"i-im no-" he grabs my neck
"lying to me wont get you anywhere" he stares at my shirt as he starts to put his hand inside my shirt
"j-johnnie what are y-" i could literally feel my heart beat racing by the second
"dont tell me you dont want this” he now started to kiss my neck
i felt like i was literally about to pass out from how hot i was in that moment. i couldn’t believe this was actually happening,,
“come here” he picks me up in bride style and sets up on walking to his bedroom,, he opens the door and throws me to his bed as he climbs on top of me
“fuck,, i wanted this for so long..” he starts to take off my shirt,, i felt hot between my legs
he started to kiss my stomach going down my hips. he slowly took off my pants and threw them on the floor
“johnnie wait!” he stops
“whats wrong? did i go too far??” he looks at me worried
“no no…its just that…its my first time..” i blush
“oh…” he smirks “ill make you feel good alright baby?,, you just have to trust me with this okay? can you do that for me?” he caresses my thigh. i nod as he then continued what he was doing earlier. he starts to kiss my chest going down my stomach, and finally reaching down to my panties.
“can i?” he started to kiss my inner thigh
“mhm” i nod
he slowly started to take off my panties as he then began to slowly eat me out. I’ve never in my life had been touched this way by anyone,, and knowing that the first person to take away my virginity was johnnie, it relieved me. i started to whimper as he suddenly started to go faster. his tongue was reaching all the right spots.
“fuck-“ i whimper as i felt him moan, sending vibrations to my core which gave me even more pleasure. i look down as i see him staring at me as he kept eating me out “johnnie fuck i-“ i moan
“come on baby, be a good girl and cum on my face” him calling me a ‘good girl’ sent me shivers down my spine.
“oh god oh god oh god-“ i throw my head back as i came
johnnie looks at me and caresses my thighs once again.
“you did so good baby..” he gets up and starts to kiss me. I see him unbuckling his pants.
“do you want this?” he asks
“yes…yes i do” i was so turned on by now that the only thing i wanted was him..and only him
“you will have to beg for it or ill leave you like this…needy…and you dont want that right princess?” he smirks
“n-no…” fuck he knew what he was doing. He waits for me to continue
“p-please johnnie..” i whimper as he lined himself to my entrance
“you can do better than that..” he looks at me dead in the eyes
“please johnnie i want your dick inside of me..” i beg,, i felt so embarrassed but turned on at the same time
“thats a good girl” he gets inside of my without a warning as i moaned from the sudden feeling
“for how long you’ve wanted this y/n? hm? tell me.” he began to move
“for a l-long time..” i moan, it felt like i was on cloud nine
He started to thrust harder and faster,, i felt like i was about to cum.
“j-johnnie i-im~” i whimpered and he put his hand on my leg and place it on his shoulder for better access which made the feeling 100 times better
“i know baby i know…fuck y-you feel amazing” he thrusted faster, “come on princess cum with me…” he moaned as we both cummed. We started to breath heavily,, with our hair sticking to our foreheads because of the sweat,, messy hair and red face but he still looked beautiful
“youre absolutely gorgeous..” i blush at his sudden comment
“i dont know if this is the right time but…i really like you..” he confesses
“i like you too johnnie…ive liked you for a very long time..” i smile at him as he kisses my forehead and we both fall asleep in each others arms.
64 notes · View notes
dollyhao · 11 months
Text
ameliorate; to make better
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
pairing: dina x reader
summary: dina is overwhelmed by all the things that happened in seattle…. and ellie, and being a single mother doesn’t make it any easier. when a sweet woman comes to make her life easier...better.
toni's note: there's nothing to warn about besides a bit angst, it doesn't really get angsty till the next part. im hoping i can make this into 3 parts. thank you for 800 followers by the way!
word count: 1k
you hear the sound of a wailing baby as you make your way back home, you follow the sound. you cant be too sure about these kinda things, what if something bad happened. you stumble upon dina rocking baby jj in a rocking chair on her porch, shushing him trying to console him. dina looks tired and overwhelmed, dark circles under her eyes and unbrushed hair.
you approach her gently not wanting to startle her, “hey, can i try?” you give her a gentle smile pointing at jj. dina tucks a piece of hair behind her ear nodding, “y-yea sure. you can try, hes been crying a lot lately.” you reach for jj bouncing and rocking in a comforting rhythm, chanting soft shushes. jj quiets down letting out a calm gurgle. you look back up at dina seeing her rub her hands down her face in an exhausted manner.
she chuckles, “i cant even get my son to be quiet let alone sleep, ellie was really good at that..” she puts her elbows on her knees putting her face in her hands. you stay quiet letting her have her moment, still rocking jj as he starts to doze off. dina seems to regroup, looking back up at you curiously, “would you like to come in? its getting cold out here.” dina offers standing up. “yea, thanks.”
dina walks into the house and you follow, “no. thank you. i appreciate what you did. “ “where’s his bed?” you ask now that jj is fast asleep. “he sleeps with me, the room is down the hall.” you go to the room, laying jj down, making sure hes comfortable before leaving the room. dina is in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea, “would you like some?” she glances at you over her shoulder. “yes please.” you stand awkwardly, hands in your back pockets swaying a little. she nods over to the living room with 2 cups in her hands. you follow taking a seat on the couch as she hands you a cup.
you thank her, taking a sip. “are you new to jackson? i dont remember ever seeing you before.” you chuckle, “no im not new, ive been here for years now.” you give a shy smile. “oh im sorry, i cant believe ive never noticed you.” “its fine. i preferred to stay to myself anyway. i work at the school. im a teacher,” you sit your cup down looking at her, “i always wanted to approach you, i thought you were beautiful. but you were dating jesse and then after you and jesse broke up, you and ellie made a nice little scene at the party.” you chuckle watching her face flush slightly. “also, im sorry about jesse…. and ellie.” she nods, quiet for a minute before replying. “thank you, for the jesse and ellie thing… and for calling me beautiful.” you smile at her.
you look outside seeing how dark it was getting, “i should get going.” you say standing up. dina stands up too, “thank you again. he probably would’ve cried through the night.” “of course, just let me know if you need my help again. ill be happy to help.” you walk backwards as you talk smiling at her until you run into a wall. “ah, shit..” you say rubbing the back of your head. dina laughs and follows you to the door as you turn around and walk correctly. “ill be sure to ask for your help again.” she says giving you a soft, genuine smile.
a week later, you walk into the dining hall as maria is walking out, “hey maria, is there anything you needed from me?” you wanted to make sure there wasn’t something you were suppose to be doing that you forgot about. “no. nothing that i can remember. im about to take this to dina, i wanna make sure shes staying fed.” “ill take it to her!” you say a little too eagerly for your taste. for the last week, you’ve been trying to find any excuse to visit dina and jj when you weren’t busy. dina doesn’t seem to ever object to the company. she appreciates you coming around and talking to her and playing with the baby. so when this opportunity pops up, of course your gonna take it. “let me grab myself a plate and ill take hers to her.” you say taking the plate out her hands. “well ok. thank you.” you smile before walking away.
you get to dina’s door knocking with the two plates in your hands. dina opens the door looking a little breathless, “oh, hey.” she gives you one of her soft smiles shes been giving you quite a lot. “hey, i brought you food. not sure if you ate or not.” “right.. food. i definitely forgot to eat. “ she says rubbing a hand through her hair. she gives another small smile, but this one doesn’t reach her eyes. “thats ok. i have food for you, lets not dwell to much on a honest mistake. k?” she nods. you hear a baby cry in the background, “i see you have two plates. wanna come in and eat? i was just feeding jj.” “id love to” you respond walking in.
you guys walk to the dining table where you find jj in a high chair. “hey baby boy!” you say tickling his belly, he lets out a squeal/giggle. you and dina sit on either sides of him after a minute, you see dina subtly go to smell herself. she lets out a wince, “um do you mind feeding him while i go take a shower.” you nod, “of course.” you say as you slide his food bowl over to yourself. you give dina a reassuring smile letting her know its ok.
when dina gets out the shower and is dressed, she walks in the living room while brushing her hair seeing you and jj on the carpet in her living room playing. she smiles, it felt good being able to enjoy a shower without rushing out to jj. she trusts you with jj almost the way she trusted ellie with him. yall look her way, both you and jj smiling at her. she comes and joins, both of you enjoying the sweet giggles of the cute baby.
(part 1)
164 notes · View notes
neptunescore · 5 months
Text
Literally started this blog just to say how hypocritical F1 – both the people working in it, and the sport itself – is becoming. The main 3 things I want to address is: no.1 women in motorsport, no2 the ongoing genocide in palestine and no3 F1's disallowance of anything political, yet enabling the absolute political shitshow that was the 2024 miami gp.
Numéro 1: I just think its absolute bullshit that the FIA genuinely created a whole ‘Women in Motorsport Commission’, assigned SIX STRONG ambassadors to it, and THEN proceeded (come 2023) to launch a wholeass unfair investigation onto one of them, based on the MOST groundless claims?? Like wtf?? (Talking abt Susie Wolff here). Also, the whole Cristian Horner situation really showed just how much they care about women working under them, bc tell me why the possible victim in his situation was the one getting SUSPENDED, while this possible filth of a man is still parading shamelessly around the paddock?? Like??? AND SOME OF THE DRIVERS COMMENTS ON THE SIRUATION?? pissed me off so much u dont even understand. Anyway, my last point on this convo is how women should ALSO be taken accountable of their actions, and not just glossed over because they’re ‘women’, over here im specifically talking abt Bianca Bustamante and her liked tweet which calls lance stroll autistic… girl :| and her apology was so atrocious as well. T-T
Numéro 2: The fact that not ONE driver (excluding Lewis Hamilton — that man is so much more than a driver) has spoken up/ posted about the situation pisses me off SO much bc?? THOUSANDS of people are dying, and with the platform you have, the fans you have, you could have such a positive effect! This is ESPECIALLY targeted on the drivers so I FULLY KNOW have control of their accounts (Charles Leclerec, Esteban Ocon, Lando Norris [GOD DO I HAVE ALOT TO SAY ABT HIM], Pierre Gasly, etc) bc tell me why drivers are fully capable of uploading a post 2 years ago stating how the WHOLE of F1 stands with Ukraine (which i do applaud them for) but cant say SHIT abt the same situation occuring in Gaza, but SO much worse?? Lando can genuinely go f himself, bc as much as i used to adore him there’s no way he did NOT know abt the atrocities happening in Palestine, no way he did not know abt the company boycott when he decided to fully display that Starbucks logo on his little reel. And IF (literally a 0.0000001% chance, bc by then a 1000 articles were already written on it and the WHOLE world was aware) he genuinely didn’t know, then that is just ignorant as fuck. Icel. Anyway, literally all drivers should be held accountable, no matter if they’re ur favs or not; I like Carlos a lot but that doesn’t mean i dont get the ick every time i think abt the fact he’s stayed completely silent on the matter. OH MY GOD, DONT get me started on lance stroll and his confirmed (yes, i DO fact check) Zionist girlfriend, like?? Ew.
Can i also just say, that if any of u are gonna msg me saying ‘oH bUt NeP, thE FIA BanNeD AnY anD aLl PoliTiCaL StAtEmEnTS’ Shut up. If you guys could just READ the rest of the statement, you'd know that this rule only applies to when the drivers are ACTIVELY in the paddock. The FIA has literally included the fact that driver can do WHATEVER the want, stand up for WHOEVER they want in their personal lives – which brings me to my next point,
Numéro 3: The FIA bans any and all political statements in the paddock, (without their written consent) YET INVITES TRUMP (a man who has been charged with EIGHTY EIGHT criminal offenses) to the race, is the most disgusting and hypocritical thing ive seen in all my years of watching F1. And don't even get me started on all the shit lando said abt him, like bro?? What are you saying?? Why are you saying these things?? I get u cant speak bad abt him, but that does NOT mean u need to praise him to the sun and back. T-T
That's my rant! Additional reminder abt ppl bringing up how '*retired driver (insert name)* would NOT stand for this, and would post and talk ALL abt palestine if they were still racing,' this is a reminder that those drivers are still alive and well, with WORKING platforms and can STILL do all those things now if thry CHOOSE to :]
-Nep○~
54 notes · View notes