#and they dont get the executive dysfunction part of it because their anxiety is so out of control that it still forces them to do things

[kittykatinabag]

While I greatly enjoy the subject of place making in urban design, I utterly hate the amount of pandering to capital holders a lot (if not most) of current "place making professionals" do in their work.

[identitty-dickruption]

here for questions as it was invited by your post, and thank you because this topic is important to me i want to focus this on addiction but i want to admit that as a full grown adult who went to collage for psychology, worked in special needs and nursing homes so has seen a wide array of neurodivergencies in very intimate and real ways, AND as someone who has adhd and is partners with someone who was a higher needs autistic in their school days- i feel like i dont fully understand the strict differences between terms like i want to and the grey area really dose make my head spin often but in regards to addiction and how i experience it differently because in a way i feel an almost "immunity" with how my executive dysfunction can translate to "not able to maintain a pattern regardless if it is a constructive habit or addiction" watching my father struggle with alcoholism and it really takeing its always sunny to wake up to the fact that he even was one, i really want to understand what it means to be addicted better is it defined by its sunk cost? emotional emptiness? the damage done outward to others? or is it just the pattern. the way that i experience a hyper fixation with my adhd feels distinctive enough to prove that i can differentiate the two concepts per the entire point of your post, and then there are just paradigm shifts like how the only thing ive been accused of being addicted to has been "the computer" 20 years ago when we still had dial up. but ive been a strong advocate to how web designs especially for cell phones play into addictive tendencies with the biggest being short form content with the slot machine endless scroll feature. so the dangers TRUE addiction poses a unique threat in the attention economy functions today with tec and also how easy it is to get trapped in a social bubble making traditionally understood as addictive substances form even more tight knit communities to enable people and never realize they could be helped. its a problem i want to be vigilant of in myself and always help those i love through where it comes so i hope this message wasnt too long or overbearing i just am glad to see someone who knows firsthand about it who might be willing to talk more about it for education.

okay I finished answering this only for tumblr to reload and lose my progress so sorry if this comes across as overly abrupt. I’m not upset at you but I sure am upset at tumblr!

addiction is a complicated and multi-faceted issue. it’s not just the frequency of substance use and it’s not just the impact to life, it’s a lot of different things all at once. addiction tends to be broken into three parts: physical dependency, emotional dependency, and impact on life

physical dependency is your body becoming reliant on the substance. this looks like physical withdrawal symptoms (e.g. the shakes, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, etc)

emotional dependency is the result of extended use of a substance as a coping mechanism. this means that anything the substance was helping to cope with is going to come up in full force (along with added anxiety and anger from not having access to the substance)

impact to life really depends on the person, but this is all the external influences of addiction. struggling with employment, struggling with relationships, struggling to look after yourself and others, etc

all of these things will look different for different people and different substances. I am always wary of people trying to apply an addiction framework to non-substance use addictions. evidence around behavioural addictions is sketchy at best, and just do not have many of the features of addiction that I’ve struggled with the most

out of everything, the mechanisms of addiction are most similar to OCD, but with the additional challenges of physical dependency. for those who don’t know, the obsessive compulsive cycle is:

trigger

intrusive thought

obsessive thinking

compulsive behaviour

it’s a cycle because the more you do the compulsive behaviour, the harder it becomes to cope with that initial trigger in a healthy way. and that’s kinda how addiction functions, too. it just so happens that the compulsive behaviour is substance use. and that’s just not how other behavioural addictions tend to play out

beyond that, we have to consider the ways the word “addiction” is used politically. addiction is heavily stigmatised. addict is seen as a pejorative term, rather than a descriptive one. so even if you could say that phone use is similar in some way to substance abuse….. calling someone an addict for using their phone a lot comes with a lot of baggage and a lot of implications I am deeply uncomfortable with

the terms “phone addict” or “addictive technology” are not literal phrases, they’re metaphors. technology is being compared to substances, and use of that technology is being compared to addiction. and I think everyone needs to have a deep think about why it is that those comparisons are used. until addiction stops being demonised, it is not useful or helpful to be applying an addiction framework to situations where it doesn’t 100% make sense

I hope that helps and makes sense!

[thatgayhippie]

hiii sorry this is late i have been having a crazy day lol

so neurodiversity refers to anything (literally anything) that is out of the ordinary, ordinary being a "normal" functioning human. Neurodivergence or neurodiversity is used to collectively refer to a variety of mental disorders like Schizophrenia, Autism, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, etc.

ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), more commonly known as Autism, is a developmental and communication disorder. For me, and a lot of other people, Autism is a disability. It affects the way i see, feel and understand the world around me. Autistic brains are built different, as in, our brains lack some features of the allistic brain, like something called executive function, which helps in planning prioritising and getting tasks done. Autism also affects the emotion sensing parts of the brain, meaning i process and feel things very differently. Most notably, it affects the language processing and speech. Most autistic people struggle with speech and learnt to speak late (i was the opposite, i learnt to speak super fucking early---thats another cool thing about autism: we just dont develop normally). Most autistics struggle with tone, sarcasm, and social rules and etiquettes. We are also generally very sensitive to textures and sounds (i would rather die that touch velvet and i often get cranky in loud environments) because our nerves are more sensitive and get excited very easily. We also tend to have attention difficulties (thats another byproduct of executive dysfunction!) and have trouble with focus (not always though sometimes we enter a stage of hyperfocus where nothing else matters---seriously sometimes i hold in my pee and forget to eat because im too engrossed in whatever im doing). Also we tend to struggle with eye-contact because to a lot of us its overwhelming and feels invasive.

Autism is seriously under-researched and thats why we dont know a lot about it. Hopefully this changes in the future because it would be very helpful to know why my brain is acting weird but until then, hope this helps ((:

Oh it's totally fine! Are you good now?

Thanks so so much for this Mrun this is so very helpful because now I can begin to comprehend autism! Oh so everyone who has a mental disability would be under the neurodiversity umbrella? That's nice to have a little community label!

I see, so it is as if your brain is wired different? (And possibly the nervous system because you mentioned yoir nerves being really sensitive to textures?) I can understand why it is called a spectrum now too. Oh also I don't know any autistic person as of now but if I meet someone, should I ask for their specific needs or is that considered prude?

I can't thank you enough for this honestly, my book just gave me these 2 passages that hurt my brain so much.

[1d-trashcan]

hello!!

i was just going through your blog and you have mentioned a anxiety disorder a few times, i do not really know anything about it so if you want to please educate me on this concept, if you dont wanna its all good. just know i am here if u wanna talk any time :)))))))))

HI!! I absolutely wanna educate you, thanks for asking :) This is suuuper long though, I'm so sorry :´(

There's a few anxiety disorders out there but the most common ones are social anxiety disorder or panic disorder, and then there's GAD which is short for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I have GAD.

Stress and anxiety is an evolutional response to danger more commonly known as fight or flight, which is the sympathetic nervous system being activated. GAD is the body being stuck in fight or flight mode, whereas social anxiety, for instance, generally means that the sympathetic nervous system kicks in in social environments (like a phone call or meeting a person).

GAD, usually presents as excessive worry about anything and everything. My grandmother will cough and my brain will think "she has lung cancer and she's dying". When I didn't know I was ill I was basically living in a nightmare. I've had a lot of therapy so nowadays I can identify it as an anxiety thought and ignore it. Some days I can't shake them, and those days are just bad anxiety days. And I can either power through it or I can take anxiety medication, but I can't work on those because they make me really drowsy.

You can develop GAD at any age, really. All it takes is being under extreme stress for a period of time, I think the criteria is like 6 months or something. There are differential diagnoses like chronic fatigue syndrome, ADHD/ADD, bipolar disorder and clinical depression that have to be excluded that early on, though. It's fairly easy to treat if caught early. It's hell, but they'll most likely have you on antidepressants and or something that helps you sleep and give you therapy. Therapy will help you deal with your triggers through cognitive behavioural therapy, exposure therapy (where you're literally exposed to your trigger/fear in a controlled environment) and that will in theory treat the disorder. You're never gonna remove anxiety because it's a survival instinct, but you're basically telling your brain that it's overreacting, and if you get help early you can actually be cured.

I have GAD because I was bullied between ages 10-16, and there's also a probability that my parents' divorce started the whole thing. The problem was that I didn't get proper help until I was 19 and I didn't even meet with a psychiatrist until I was 25 (I'm 29 now). I'm never gonna be cured, we're basically just looking for ways to help me live WITH my anxiety. I just have too many triggers and my body is too used to being in this state that there's currently no way of fixing it.

GAD sometimes comes with executive dysfunction which is where you just physically can't do things. It's a very common ADHD symtom as well. You know you need to do it but you can't, and it essentially becomes a handicap. My most common triggers for executive dysfunction is school work of any kind, opening my mail or important phone calls. In Sweden this is actually recognized as a handicap, which means that I can get help faster. But I have to make the call, which I can't do because of my anxiety so idk how foolproof that safeguard is. I'm on sick leave right now because of extreme stress (it could be chronic fatigue syndrom, but it's too early to tell rn) and now my executive dysfunction is everywhere, so like showering, cleaning my flat or making food is extremely tough and usually doesn't happen, so I have to take shortcuts (like eating at my parents' house, not washing my entire body and only cleaning small parts of my flat a a time).

Apart from being afraid anxiety triggers a lot of physical responses in your body because it is designed to keep us alive. If you have social anxiety you might have issues with your stomach (like stress pooping or nausea) when you have to engage with others or even, like, ride a train. GAD patiens almost always have chronic IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and muscle pains because our bodies are constantly preparing for flight. I have really bad chronic muscle pain in my neck and upper back which leads to tension headaches. So on any given day, I'd rate my pain at a 5, and that's just. A thing I have to live with.

Physical activity generally alleviates the pain and the endorphins from workout are really beneficial but you can't exercise GAD away. It's just something that helps.

I'm on a high dose of antidepressants, antihistamines to make me sleep and quetiapine/seroquel, which is a mood stabiliser that basically reduces my executive dysfunction, and my medication is always gonna change depending on what my life looks like. Realistically I'm always gonna be on some form of antidepressant. I'm on SNRI's, which control the serotonin and noradrenaline in my brain.

Naturally, my serotonin is really low and my noradrenaline is really high, but in a healthy person the serotonin is high and the noradrenaline is low. The body typically restores the serotonin/noradrenaline levels during sleep, but my brain does the exact opposite so I just have extreme anxiety during the night, which is why I'm on medication to sleep bc otherwise I a) don't sleep and b) have terrible nightmares. I still have those nightmares, but the antihistamine I'm on is a muscle relaxant as well as an anxiety medication so it helps calm me down so I don't really remember my nightmares and it reduces my muscle pain by quite a bit. I still have bad nights that lead to bad days when I'm in a lot of pain. I sleep in a fetal position and tense up at night and I have a weighted blanket to help me relax so during those bad days I have trouble walking becausec my hip muscles are locked.

I think i basically covered everything. There's a lot more to it if you have any questions. I'm super open about this, and have been since I started therapy when I was 19 because I literally did not know I was sick until I was 17 and it took another two years to understand just how bad it was so I like to be as vocal as possible so people might find out and get help.

I'm SO SORRY for this long ass post though.

[ugh-yoongi]

if it's not too much intruding can i ask, what was it for you to start going to therapy? but if you dont want to say its ok, i got u♥, i dont mean it like "whats your trauma?" i mean like.. what im really wondering is was it because something happened or you just decided to go cause its healthy?

i don't mind sharing! i think it's healthy to talk about these things. i made a post a few months ago about my Deep Lore that may contextualize this post but i can't find it. you might be able to if you go digging around.

i originally went to therapy for the first time in like, 2010-2011ish? i was coming out of an abusive relationship on top of not having spoken to my dad for three-four years, so my anxiety was really bad, on top of dealing with chronic depression since i was in fifth grade.

i went for a while and then my therapist moved states, and i stopped going. she gave me a lot of tools to deal with what i was going through and, for the most part, i started healing from a lot of what i'd been through. i was an entirely different person, and while i hadn't fully figured it out, i was at least aware enough of my triggers and how to cope to be better.

this time was actually prompted by a conversation i had with my cousin, who is also a therapist. my executive dysfunction has been horrible the last few years since my stepmom died. like, i cannot bring myself to do things i know i have to do, even if it's as simple as doing the dishes or taking a shower. it's felt like my brain is just not connected to my body, i.e. i cannot get my body to do what my brain is telling it to do. and she was like, yeah, that's textbook neurodivergence. adhd + depression + anxiety go hand in hand.

i've had a shit couple of years. my uncle died in 2015, i started nursing school and dropped out because it literally made me suicidal, my best friend's mom (who was basically my second mom) died in 2016, my stepmom died of covid in 2021, got married and almost got divorced in 2022, and i had the most insane and horrible september 2023 i could've possibly had, on top of a billion other things i don't feel totally comfy sharing. there's just been a lot, and i was like, okay i need help again. i need new tools.

so, to actually answer your question: it was both because i needed help again and because it's just healthy!

[entei]

diary march 2023

my life has been weird lately.

i have been enjoying my new medication. i find myself taking joy in little things i previously found myself too pessimistic or focused on a bigger picture to slow down and appreciate. ive stopped dreading the hours after the sun sets and dont feel afraid being alone with my thoughts as much as i used to.

ive mostly spent the time trying to be present. mostly attending to my real life responsibilities and using my free time to focus on the people i care about and trust the most.

that being said, i still feel really incomplete. one of my goals with the meds was to feel more motivated in daily life. my executive dysfunction is something i had always attributed to my depression, but now that ive improved on that front its been easier for me to grasp my individual symptoms and what might be going on...

ive always known im neurodivergent in some way, and ive had some pressure on me as a child from the adults in my life to get it sorted out. struggled in educational settings. barely floundered out of special-ed tests and sessions. saw counselors long term. my parents hadnt thought me special in that regard though. jules has anxiety, most kids have anxiety. i had tried to communicate that i felt uniquely different a couple times but i was young, without the words to describe what i was going through, without the agency to seek psychiatry on my own, to even know that psychiatry was an option.

ive definitely also internalized some of the internet rhetoric ive seen about self-diagnosis even if i dont agree with it. i told myself for a long time that because an authority never told me i have adhd that i was being attention-seeking if i even SUSPECTED anything, not realizing that "hey, i identify with these symptoms and think i might have a problem!" is an important part of getting diagnosed to begin with 😭

all of that to say, i feel decently confident that i have inattentive adhd. ive spent some time researching and talking to friends who deal with it. more and more things become obvious in retrospect. i want to be able to think clearly! i want to be able to focus on one task for more than 15 minutes at a time! i want to go a day where i dont forget to do the most utmost basic things to care for myself like... eating!!!!

i feel bad for continuing to have to put my life and projects on hold while i get help (yay having to wait several weeks just to talk to my doctor for 10 minutes and get a referral to even get started), but i cannot stress how much i cant, like, DO!!!! i CANNOT focus. ever. at all. its SO frustrating, and even if i get diagnosed i have weeks or months of experimenting with different medications ahead of me until i might start feeling productive again. the thought really stresses me out. do i have adhd? who knows dude!!!! im kind of running out of options. the only way out is through (the perfume department).

[iconsumeheadcanons]

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

P5

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

P4

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

P3

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

[im-da-bronx]

How to give off the illusion that you are a functioning adult

Aka executive dysfunction life hacks part 2

Buy a bunch of extra hampers. Your brain has trouble prioritizing and compartmentalizing, so you gotta do it externally. DONT buy hampers with a lid, b/c it’s an extra step to getting your clothes in there. Have a hamper for bed stuff (sheets, pillowcases, etc), towels, hots (underwear), light colors, dark colors, etc. That way, if you need to wash underwear, you aren’t put off by the fact that there are towels or t-shirts mixed in with them. **keep a hamper for clothes that have already been worn, but aren’t dirty, so you can wear them again. Or just fold your clothes like a cryptid**

Try to make your bed everyday. You don’t have to go all out, even just straightening the blankets a bit is fine, but it does help your brain in mentally organizing things, because 1) your bed doesn’t look like another cluttered mess that needs to be sorted, and 2) your pillows (I have 4? Somehow?) aren’t all over the floor, blocking your view of other possible messes

Get rid of things. Throw things away. I promise, you won’t need them, and if you do, you can buy more. I’m not talking about the goblincore shiny clutter aesthetic, I’m saying you don’t need to save that half empty bottle of glue, you already have 5, and you don’t need to have ANOTHER box of markers, because you have all the same repeating colors, and they’re all dried out anyway. If you keep something, make sure it’s because you WANT it, NOT because your anxiety is keeping you from throwing it away. Your anxiety won’t like it, but it will make you have less anxiety in the future, when you have way less meaningless trash taking up room.

[letitrainathousandflames]

I don't mean to be invasive - but I just wanted to say I *LOVE* your comic! So so so much because this is how I feel too; and its really relieving to see that I am not alone in this feeling. I was actually wondering if you'd gotten your diagnosis test results back and how you feel about them now? And how difficult was the process of getting a diagnosis if you don't mind me asking? If I am being too forward please dont be afraid to tell me! <3 Well wishes to you!

[warning: this will get long, i’m so sorry...]

Hello! I haven’t yet... I just finished taking the tests yesterday, so it might take a little while for the psychiatrist to “grade” them because there are a LOT of tests.

If I am ADHD, I suspect I am at the innatentive part of the spectrum - which made me a daydreaming, homework-forgetting child but not a loud or disruptive one at school. Being a woman also makes it more difficult to get diagnosed.

But the signs, GOSH the signs. They were everywhere. I was too shy and didn’t talk to anyone - unless to my family and close friends, whom I left exhausted because I talked too much. I kept forgetting my homework. I didn’t write down anything in class bc I was either doodling, daydreaming or sleeping - ADHDers have a different circadian rhythm, so at 7am my brain was still lethargic.

The green coat in the comic? I rescued it from my school’s lost and found box about three times every month bc I kept forgetting it in the classroom. In college, it was my flash drive filled with the entire semester’s assignment. I get lost very easily. I have a cold cup of tea next to me right now - I forgot to drink it while it was hot, about two hours ago.

I could continue listing my many many many symptoms here, but I guess you get the gist of it. Needless to say, I hated school. They wanted me to understand math when all I wanted was to learn topics of my own interests. So I had terrible grades and a confusing paradox: bad grades meant i was dumb. But I was learning basic japanese and two fictional languages and their structures as a hobby. I liked studying how to conjugate verbs in lord of the rings’ elvish for fun. My classmates were struggling with basic english while I was already at intermediate level just because I really wanted to understand the plot of my favorite video games, which were all in english.

I was twelve, juggling four languages in my brain for fun just because words fascinated me, and in spite of that, the adults at my school and the grades on my report said i was dumb. I could already make out song lyrics in english by ear, I had memorized the hiragana alphabet in japanese and I could even hold a small conversation in elvish with a fellow nerd.

But I was dumb to the world, and obviously to myself as well because you internalize that shit when they say it over and over. I perceived my entire worth as my grades, and since they were quite low... yeah.

I’m 30. I only started thinking about the possibility of me not being lazy and having terrible time management skills and just not caring about anything at all around 2-3 years ago, tops. I spent nearly my entire life thinking that I’m just... defective, because everyone else around me seemed to be doing fine.

Still, I consider myself lucky because I live in the age of the internet. I stumbled upon a few posts about dealing with constant disorganization, executive dysfunction, rejection sensitive dysphoria, etc. and it just blew my mind - “other people are dealing with that? other people are suffering with that? and it has a name?? and this condition can be treated/understood/improved???”

About what led me to finally getting my diagnosis - I have this super cool psychiatrist that was helping me with my anxiety (which, haha, might be a symptom of my untreated adhd), and when I told her about my suspicions she said “hey, I wouldn’t suggest this if you were a kid, or a younger person but since you’re a full grown adult, I can prescribe you some ritalin and you take like, half of the smallest dose, just to try and see if it helps you focus.” And it did. So I was like “oh. oh, I need to look deeper into this.”

Now I’m waiting for the results and... trying not to freak out, haha.

If you can, try to find a good therapist - not only therapy might be highly positive to you as it is to me, but your therapist can also point you to the right direction. They’ll be glad to refer you to a professional that can have you tested for any disorder you might have, and will also help you find ways to cope with your shortcomings (for example, to help me stop procrastinating, my therapist made a deal with me to show her at least one new page of my current project on every session ^^”)

Sorry for this being so messy, half-personal confession, half-advice. I hope I didn’t ramble too much. Good luck, dear! I hope you find your happiness soon! <3

[eurydice-thefool]

Surprise OC asks! What's up next for Eurydice and Mila? Anything in the works? Any new headcanons?

Well I do have things I’d like to do if I can get a handle on the executive dysfunction from my adhd– specific scenes that are great daydream fuel for me that would be really fun to write. I just gotta get past 1) the mortifying ordeal of having my ideas perceived by others 2) the h part of my adhd that doesnt want to do one task for too fuckin long

I’d like to write the scenes where Eurydice meets Asra and Mila meets Asra because those are VIVID in my mind. That would probably be a good starting place bc of how vivid they are and bc i know people will at least read it for Asra so i can tell my anxiety to stfu

I’ve a scenerio in my head about when en-route Mila finds out she’s a selkie, but I want to reread the part in Muriel’s route where he tells MC that they died of the plague cause that’s gonna have to be handled around that time. I should probably reread while it’s still infinikey week huh?

at one point i mentioned in tags that “Memory” from Cats is on Eurydice’s playlist cause I imagine that she’d like, find closure with her ghost!plague!mc!self. I’m afraid to write and post it because it would be melodramatic BUT its SO much fun for me so??

I wanna write something with them and @blues-disasters girls but I keep getting nervous about not coming up with something good enough. like i KNOW i need to kick myself in the ass and just DO it but WILL i? story of my life. But anyways it would be so cool. Modern au? Drabble about Mila meeting them as kids running around Vesuvia? Something else? I’d love it but I need to fight myself to make it happen

honestly I want to get them interacting with other apprentices but im Intimidated cause i dont want to write your ocs Wrong

Would also like to do a follow-up to Eurydice meeting Asra in which he helps her reunite with her aunt Artemis for the first time since she was a toddler cause that will be cavity-inducing fluff

As for progress that I’ve actually made uh. I made a timeline for Eurydice’s arc made entirely out of songs. A more concise playlist than the one I currently have up on spotify– the ones I have on spotify are vibe-based and don’t have to be listened to in order. If that sounds interesting to anybody I can post about it! Working on Mila’s still, it’s about half done. 

Thank you for asking @theroyalmage ❤️💙

[redandfranticfeelings]

okay ive been wanting to make a post like this for a while but i wanted to make it an essay and i dont know if i can really organize my thoughts in that way yet, so here’s a chronological bullet-pointed dump to explain my very important thesis:

be more chill is about internalized ableism, and jeremy, michael, and christine are all highly autistic coded. this is going to be very long and detailed but only because there’s a lot of details that work very well under this lens.

there’s probably even stuff i missed but this is already extremely long so it basically just functions as a way for me to collect a bunch of details that i can piece together later in a more coherent manner.

“more than survive” in the context of jeremy being autistic works so much. the theme of wanting to be just socially acceptable enough to not burn out or be harassed is so relatable, and it visually establishes very early how jeremy is isolated from his peers due to his own awkward behavior and hypersensitivity. it’s coupled with his very obvious anxiety disorder, but the social aspect just screams autistic coding to me. i take this song to basically be “not having a meltdown is basically my goal but i would love to be neurotypical enough so i can heighten my standards and actually enjoy my social life.” some choice segments:

“if i’m not feeling weird or super strange, my life would be in utter disarray, cuz freaking out is my okay”

jeremy’s house being a mess is partly due to his dad’s serious depression, yeah, but i believe the other aspect is that jeremy’s executive dysfunction makes it just as hard to clean up in his place

he gets super anxious at the prospect of his expected routine being shaken up and having to make the decision on his own of how to get to school

“so i follow my own rules and i use them as my tools to stay alive” honestly sounds like a euphemism for autism to me

jeremy not really realizing that he’s staring at chloe

“avoiding any eye contact at all” explains itself

michael’s introduction, oh my god, every time i watch this part i just adore it. i could talk a lot more about michael’s autism later but this whole segment sells it especially.

first off, michael keeping his hood up and headphones on in a deliberate attempt to avoid social interaction and stay in his own space is such an autistic mood. even before this scene he’s constantly moving in the background to his music a la stimming. in the later performances he spends a lot more time playing with his hoodie strings and even chews on them!!

the fact he doesn’t talk to or even really look at jeremy until his song is done playing also feels very autistic to me! and the way he dances so confidently and basically pretends even his best friend isn’t there for the time being because he’s engrossed in his own passions.

michael is a great friend but it’s clear that he doesn’t really understand that his coping mechanism doesn’t really work for jeremy, and that even though michael feels confident reclaiming his identity as a ‘loser,’ jeremy doesn’t really feel any better about it. i think a lot of autistic folks, or at least i do, have this tendency to assume what works for us works for everyone around us at first due to our struggles with empathy. michael tries his best but struggles to see outside his point of view. it’s mind-blindness in action and jeremy can’t communicate why it upsets him any better than michael can pick up on it not working for him.

near the end of the song, they have a brief moment where all the ensemble crowds in around jeremy and the lights start flashing, which i interpret as a visual representation of sensory overload.

we’ll talk more about her soon, but outside of jeremy’s fantasies about her, christine also avoids social interaction during this number, constantly hiding her face in a book and avoiding eye contact just as much as jeremy. people forget that she’s not comfortable with unexpected social interaction, and that really informs my headcanon for her which brings us to....

“i love play rehearsal” is an autistic anthem. it also works, possibly even better due to in-text evidence, as an adhd anthem, but combined with the above it makes so much sense for her to be comorbid autism/adhd. i did a breakdown of the song in this context before, but i’ll sum it up here

the song showcases what having a special interest/hyperfixation is like. christine is singing to jeremy, yes, but she really seems so caught up in her own passion without much regard for how jeremy is following it, and even cuts him off from responding to her once or twice because she’s just so hyped up on her own feelings. she also basically implies her happiness is reliant on her special interest which is very relatable.

lines like “you follow a script so you know what comes next” also really sell the interpretation that christine isn’t good in unpredictable situations, and has so many identity issues and likes having something to look to where things are laid out for her. i think that stability is what a lot of autistic people look for, especially teenagers.

also with that in mind, look at how upset she gets watching a play she loves about get rewritten into something weird and new that she doesn’t know.

also gotta love how she still self-isolates before this song by focusing on her book, until she has a reason to infodump to jeremy. and then feels guilty afterwards and goes right back into her book while apologizing for getting “carried away”....biiiig mood there

the whole intro scene showcases both of their awkwardness so much. jeremy gets completely thrown off by her sarcastic comment about the swim team and almost believes it, which implies that he can’t read tone very well. and then christine’s “you’re a virgin” comment comes across like she really didn’t think about how that would sound to jeremy before saying it since she only made the clarification after he was ready to panic about it. she has a habit of speaking before she thinks, i think, the self-harm comment is also very awkward considering she barely knows jeremy.

after that scene we get “more than survive reprise” where jeremy admits to routinely having such bad breakdowns that he needs to step out and go to the nurse which works for both the anxiety disorder and the autism interpretation.

i’m not quite sure whether i see rich as autistic (i see him with a lot of mental issues for sure though) so i can’t say much on “the squip song” but there’s definitely something to describing a confused autistic kid as “almost helpless.” rich definitely has a habit of giving too much information though, i’ll say that.

“two player game” is just jeremy and michael being autistic solidarity: the song. i guess this is a good place to say that jeremy and michael work well as a contrast b/w two sides of autistic community, the side that struggles to function and desperately wants a change bc they’re afraid of being alone forever, and the side that tries to love all their symptoms and embrace their autistic pride. and as coincidental icing on the cake, jeremy wears blue (associated with the derogatory views from autism speaks) and michael wears red (associated with combating said views through autistic pride).

btw you could probably attribute michael’s ability to casually down a long-expired crystal pepsi as a sort of weird sensory quirk. and his fixation w/ that sort of memorabilia honestly feels like a special interest in its own right!

both “nice sideburns....wolverine, right” and “like in x-men????” using fiction as a reference point for real life always gives me autistic vibes (esp the first point where he awkwardly uses it to start conversation). can we assume x-men is a special interest? :3

jake referring to jeremy as a ‘freak’ when the squip turns on is really sad in this context but it also does make so much sense

now we get to the squip.....and what do you know, it uses tactics from abusive therapy used on autistic children. dare i say that “be more chill” as a song isn’t just an abuser’s song, but an ableist’s abuser’s song.

first off, the “spinal stimulation.” here’s a not so fun fact: electroshock therapy has been used to discourage autistic behavior in very recent years. (content warning in link for graphic description of ableist torture)

then the lyrics, in which the squip mostly focuses on jeremy’s posture and physically punishes him for disobeying. jeremy is shown to really struggle to stand up straight and pose himself in a normal, confident way, and i think that tendency to be unaware of what our body is doing is a pretty autistic thing?

the fact the squip singles out stammering and refers to jeremy’s “tics and fidgets” brings attention to two more autistic traits of jeremy’s

the squip basically punishes jeremy for responding “incorrectly” to social situations like rejecting brooke, even if they aren’t objectively wrong. it eventually just starts speaking for jeremy because jeremy seems incapable of acting natural. the squip is an abusive autism parent.

“sync up” demonstrates jeremy’s weird relationship with empathy. he wants to be nice to everyone- will has even called him “deeply empathetic”- but he’s initially really bad at seeing other people’s point of view, which is why he positions himself as sort of against the world, seeing everyone as better than him or trying to set up these barriers of Coolness where everyone else must be perfect compared to him. he’s so surprised to learn that the popular kids also hurt because of his strict idea of the social structure. it’s a combination of low self esteem and a black-and-white viewpoint.

let’s go back to christine. the squip, already established as ableist abuser, finds her “highly unusual” for acting in a way that disregards everyone who views her. she has very strange and specific visions in her head, and it seems very natural for her even if jeremy struggles to follow along.

in later performances, she chews on her sleeve and spins around during AGTIKBI. that’s stimming, babes. also gotta acknowledge “i don’t always relate to other people my age, except when i’m on the stage”

i’m gonna use this section to talk about jake and christine. christineis a bit unsure when interacting with jake, until he validates her interest- her acting is what really touches him. but jake, while good-hearted, has trouble being self-centered and thus not fully aware of christine’s own needs and space. so christine is always a little uncomfortable around him, especially in public, and not always willing to socialize. he is right about her being kind of stuck in her comfort zone, though, not doing anything off of her stage. and he is genuinely nice to her, it’s just a matter of their social strategies clashing.

the fact that the squip blocks out michael...i’ve had a lot of times in my life where i was told that socializing with other “weird” people would be counterproductive for my social development and it was part of why i was stuck with so few friends. so i really feel the idea that blocking out the person who helps you feel confident in your atypicality is framed as a good thing so you can act more socially adept, and that doing otherwise would just drag you both down.

hot DAMN does “loser geek whatever” make so much sense for an autistic kid with internalized ableism.

“it’s not only school that’s rough, being lonely’s stupid tough” makes it pretty clear this isn’t about the school social scene as muc as it is the entire social scene of the world. we may not see it, but it’s just (not) interacting with people in general that jeremy can’t stand.

“michael says that weird is rad but feeling weird just makes me sad” as stated above, makes a Lot More Sense with the idea that michael is both a more confident autistic and really bad at addressing jeremy’s own internalized ableism and desire to make connections outside his small friend group.

everything about jeremy boiling down all his problems to his “instincts” sucking and needing to basically be told what to do really highlights how autistic kids can feel broken because of their inability to fit into the social norm, to the point where we repress every behavior that actually makes us feel comfortable and unique. 

not to mention the line about him being seen as a “normal handsome guy” since autistic people tend to be infantilized and never seen as desirable (will roland also implied this line has trans coding which is another discussion altogether but i feel i should acknowledge that here)

all of those terms that jeremy calls himself near the end- namely weirdo, misfit, oddball, freak, failure- all of this sounds like the shit people throw at autistic kids. like this goes beyond anxiety alone, this is jeremy being outcasted and oppressed by the general public due to his behavior. especially the “please don’t speak” part, considering how often autistic kids are mocked for misunderstanding when to speak, how to speak, and what to talk about. jeremy needs some freaking love. :(

“michael in the bathroom” is a panic attack, related to severe anxiety, but i do see a lot of aspects that play into autism as well. the little nervous stimmy movements of foot-bouncing and picking at grout, the explosive sensory overload during the “knock knock” section of the bridge, the whole concept of losing the only person you ever managed to connect to without sacrificing who you are, dealing with this massive change to your sense of philosophy and reality where you pinned everything on one person to ground yourself, and thus you’re now completely lost trying to isolate yourself from this big overwhelming social gathering...neurodivergent anthem all around.

jeremy and christine’s couch interactions during halloween give me such autistic positivity. christine basically echolales jeremy’s weird noise and they both have so much fun vocal stimming that they forget there’s another person in the room. it’s such a sweet moment until jeremy ruins it by realizing that asking her out right after a breakup is Not Really Good For Her.

christine’s reaction to the fire demonstrates a clear case of hyperempathy to me. it isn’t discussed as much as a complete lack of empathy, but autistic folks are prone to feeling way too much especially when it comes to others’ pain. christine talking about how she hates that everyone’s hurting and desperately wants to help but doesn’t know how, and how we’ve already seen how much she struggles to connect with others like jake....it’s a very relatable, very specific autistic mood.

going back to the theme of jeremy and empathy, christine’s above hyperempathy kind of breaks this mold, and while jeremy always does feel for the other kids, by this point he feels so strongly- particularly for christine, who he also saw as a perfect confident being until now- that the squip can manipulate him into “fixing” everyone the same way the squip was supposed to “fix” him. and he never considers that christine doesn’t need to be fixed because he just projects his own insecurity that strongly onto everyone else who seems “weird” in the same kind of way- hence why he assumes michael is jealous of him back in MITB. it’s likely a result of the squip’s manipulation but i feel like mind-blindness is a factor, even if jeremy switches between struggling to process others’ emotions and being extremely empathetic.

michael’s special interest saves the day!!! :D

the whole fight b/w jeremy and michael, assuming it comes from a genuine place of repressed bitterness, has a lot of added subtext with them both being autistic. jeremy accusing michael of “giving up” on social interaction, michael envies jeremy for trying bc michael is clearly Not comfortable in most large social settings, jeremy envies michael for his pride, it just hits home for me i guess

rich calling michael “antisocial headphones kid” honestly how is michael not canon autistic

in the off-bway version michael briefly speaks too loud forgetting that jeremy’s head still hurts which is a relatable Forgot About Boundaries thing. plus him smacking rich playfully forgetting that rich is Still In Pain

“voices in my head” works nice as a fuck-societal-norms-and-just-be-happy song. “embrace the traits that make you so odd” in particular :’)

jeremy remembering christine’s infodump about her obscure bowling alley performance art idea and bringing it up to her again!!!

the squip doesn’t go away because ableism and the anxiety it brings and all the upsetting symptoms of autism don’t go away, but with the right support and confidence you can live with them!!! good message for mental disorders in general and works very well in this context!!!

so in conclusion.....be more chill is autistic pride!!!

[curioscurio]

i think i might have adhd- my therapist thinks so too, based on quote unquote 'anxiety symptoms leading to exhaustion' but im afraid to go to my doctor and ask about being diagnosed/gettings meds cause i also think people will just think im trying to get meds. did you have any symptoms that stood out particularly that turned about to be tied to adhd?? or how they affected you? tysm!!! 💕

Hey! Thanks for the ask! I'm still very new to the game myself so dont take my word as law but: I'm pretty sure that if your therapist believes you have ADHD then they can write you a refferal letter to show to your doctor, who then can either perscribe you medication or refer you to a psychiatrist that will do further screenings.

Most of my generalized anxiety stems from my adhd, especially time management, organization, executive dysfunction, and inability to focus on things that dont capture my interest.

Some things I noticed that directly aligned with adhd symptoms are that I have a very very hard time keeping my room clean. It would get so bad and I would never have any motivation to clean it and didnt get much satisfaction from it. It's gotten better recently in that while on meds, I can clean my room without getting distracted by (let's say an old sketchbook) things and spending hours invested in it. And I do feel much better knowing it wont be so hard next time I have to clean it either.

I am always late. Always. My time management would make me late to everything, especially college classes since I had to self manage getting around campus!! Even things that didnt have an immediate deadline I would put off until last minute or procrastinate until I was either rushing to get it done last minuite or give up on doing it entirely.

Also: homework is the bane of my existence. I could learn so much from a class and feel like I was really getting the subject, but never completing or turning in homework would always drag my grades down. Studying was impossible for me because I would sit and draw instead of taking notes and fooling myself into thinking that it was actually helping me focus! (That's just me, some people actually do focus better when drawing while listening!)

Executive dysfunction really makes doing anything so fucking hard sometimes lol and I realized that even though this very easy task would take 5 mins to complete I would still just. Not do it and then feel bad about it. I would always have an overwhelming feeling of guilt for not doing something that was easy and would help my life out!

Another huge thing was memorization. My memory is really the worst of my adhd because I always will forget what assignments are due when and also forget just general things that are very important. It's hard to keep certain thoughts like "remember to buy eggs" "moms birthday is xx/xx/xxxx" "I have already told this story to you?" In my head. They slip away so easily!! Also things like names and key info I will forget unless you're my good friend. In order to remember something I have to write it down physically somewhere that I can keep reminding myself.

Not finishing things maaaaaay be a symptom?? But basically I have this habit of almost finishing things like projects and TV shows and laundry and stuff. A girl gets distracted lol.

Hyperfocusing is also a huge part of adhd. I would spent hours on hours reading harry potter as a kid over and over, as well as watch a bunch of sailor moon (like all the seasons) and sit and draw for hours. Now I try and guide my hyperfocusing towards priority school work, but it honestly just makes whatever catches my attention the ONLY thing I'm thinking about for sometimes days on end.

And lastly for now, something I believe is adhd is having one lyric, word, or phrase stuck in your head on repeat for hours. Yesterday I spent 2 hours with Mrs. Incredibles line from the begining of the movie where she is washing Jack Jack in the sink "We are now OFICIIALY moved in" on loop. Like as soon as the line was over it would start again in my head and just happen over and over till I forgot about it LMAOOO

I hope this was helpful!!!

[estudierprouvaire]

day three of the january challenge by @delstudiess is study tips!

firstly, figure out accomodations. this semester, i ended up finally getting my therapist to write a letter to my profs explaining what i had going on and i was able to talk to the profs about what i needed. i didn’t go through the center for disability resources because of anxiety but i hope to next year and it you’re able to, do it, because there’s really no harm in doing so. the most important part is to make sure that your professors are in the loop. if you need help or you’re having trouble with anything, talk to them and work with them. Good professors do want to help you and see you succeed, and don’t let the shitty profs get you down.

starting is hard! i know you probably here it all the time but if you get the ball rolling as early in the semester as possible, then you will have wiggle room for when the executive dysfunction is killing you 

to hack executive dysfunction, when you do a task, write down how long it takes. i put stuff off or have a hard time starting it because i dont know how long it’ll take and i get stressed but if you write down how long a task will take you and keep it somewhere easy to access, the next time you need to do it you can refer to that and work around the executive dysfunction

once you get started, go with it! this goes both ways in that if you’re hyperfocused, use that to your advantage and just keep working on that thing until it’s done or you lost steam, but don’t forget that you do live in an organic body, so set some alarms to remind you to drink some liquids and eat some food, as well as go to the bathroom, stretch, etc. The other way this goes is don’t try to force yourself into focus. once your focus starts waning, switch to another task. i try to have a list of things to work on and rotate through two or three of them. also, if you are distracted by a thought or an urge or anything like that, don’t try to fight it. if you have a nagging though, write it down! if you have the urge to check your email or social media or whatever, set an alarm for like five minutes max, and act on it but go back to work after!

let first drafts be first drafts! when im writing an essay, i have open the outline from the prof, i copy and paste it and go bit by bit, just putting relevant thoughts onto the paper. then I go through, colour code stuff based on what it goes with, delete the outline from my doc, and that’s my first draft and all I have to do it write an essay and conclusion, make real sentences, and edit! This may not work for everyone but the important part is not trying to get out a final draft on your first try when the important part is just getting your thoughts together. also, while the introduction should be a summary of the essay, unless the prof says otherwise, the conclusion should not. the conclusion should be essentially telling your audience why what you talked about is important as well as what they should do with this information, which is something i didn’t learn in high school when i was given a formula with which to write essays

with bullet journalling and any other forms of planning and organising, make it work for you. things dont need to be pretty, they dont need to be elaborate, they need to be functional. my bullet journal spreads are usually very plain with just a colour or two for accents but the important part is they work for me and keep me on track.

overall, the most important part is to make sure that you are working with your adhd instead of against it. learn how your brain works and the things that work for you and use them. don’t try to force yourself to work like someone without adhd because all thatll do will make life harder for you 

{image description: all caps plain black text on a blue background reading “otto’s adhd study tips” with two decorative doodles the length of the words, one along the top and one along the bottom. end image description}

[scretladyspider]

its taken me days to ask this (yay executive dysfunction and anxiety) but. is it dissociation or the disconnection from depression when i kind of just wander through the day not really feeling like im fully present in the moment? like sometimes it feels like im watching the world from inside myself, or like im more ‘alive’ inside my head than otherwise. i dont fit any of the stuff ive seen about dissociation/dpdr but its still a Thing and idk what it is

It could be either. Thing is, dissociation can also be a symptom of a lot of other mental illnesses. The best way to figure it out is to find someone who will go through all your symptoms and take the time to rule things out with you. The key word there is time - it took my prior therapist and I several months to do a diagnosis because it can be a part of depression, or it could’ve been severe inattention from ADHD, so we had to take a lot of time to figure it out. It sounds like it could be either depression or depersonalization, or dissociation that’s kind of a part of depression. Whatever it is, I hope you get some relief soon.

Here’s a post about dissociation and dissociative disorders that talks about symptoms and how it can overlap with other things and/or be a thing in itself. 

I hope this helps answer your question. Best wishes! 

[botanyshitposts]

I wanna get into botany but textbooks and shit are hard to reead fuck I just see walls of words how do I read that shit

ok this actually isn’t the first ask ive gotten about this recently!! textbooks are a severely underrated class of book, but also take a lot of practice and finesse to read at first. 

something that i’ve discovered about textbooks- and this is one of those things that i wish someone had told me and i ended up finding out on my own- is that there are two types of textbooks: 1. the books that you have to buy for class to teach you the basics, or 2. compilations of current stuff on a specific topic

a thing ive noticed about being an undergrad/learning the basics is that ur essentially catching up with the rest of the world, and that’s how all the textbooks u gotta spend like $314231 on at the beginning of the year on are written. so the type one books are structured on teaching you things, which means that each chapter is structured in a cumulative lesson that you have to read all the way through, sometimes slugging through pages upon pages of just…..shit, because you need to know whats on page 9 to be able to understand whats on page 32. these books suck ass. theyre essential and very painful but once you get through them you can get to the cool type of textbook, type 2. 

type 2 textbooks are a weird thing academia does where they get a shitton of scientists together and have everybody write down the new shit they learned, and then they put it in a big overview book. these are kinda few and far between, but are super cool because due to it being just a giant compilation of individual results put together into one giant stack, if you arent interested in what ur reading you can literally just skip it and go to the next cool passage. nobody gives a shit and nothings building on anything else so if you dont understand one, you might understand another better, and u can skip around in the chapters as you please, which makes it SO much easier to read. the best example of this i own is Carnivorous Plants: Physiology, Ecology, and Evolution, which is the newest non-school textbook i own (published last february) and by far one of my faves even though i just got it (side note- some people have told me that they think its super interesting but are hesitant at the price tag and i would like to clarify that i saw this, it cost me Quite A Few Hours At Work, and because im going into the field, dont own any plants at all right now aside from one (1) fern, and had my birthday very recently i am giving myself CONSIDERABLE leeway on my book budget lmao). 

on a similar note: books like this are more expensive because the newer a text is, the more expensive it is because of the demand for new shit. a book 5 years out of date will cost about $20, and a book 10 years out of date will cost $8, and antique books usually cost around $2 lmao. on the flip side, the type 1 botany textbook required for my formal class this semester was bought used for me by my mom for by birthday a few years ago in high school, and cost about $90; books being used by any university for a class immediately jump in price, and books with new editions just released will cost SIGNIFICANTLY less than their counterparts. your best bet in some of these cases is a university library, but i digress lol 

as for botany textbooks for class and how to read them- again, start at the beginning of the chapter and slug through, because you gotta build up a knowledge base. if you’re taking a formal class, then lecture will most likely cover what chapters are assigned, so usually with my undergrad ones i listen intently and take notes in class, then supplement with my textbook by reading the parts that i’m confused on. when i need to read a type 1 textbook, i implement the method i used in high school to pass my AP courses: right when class gets out and i’m still in the ‘We Are Focusing Right Now Yes’ mindset, i sit myself down and dont get up until the chapter is read. this is sometimes more effective than other times. In terms of understanding the material, i find it helps if you look for how the concept you’re learning about is applied irl in studies and stuff, because if gives u a handle on it and brings to light what you do and don’t understand. on a more basic study habit level, if you’re like me and have ADHD but aren’t medicated, if i know i have to Focus ™ i take a caffeine pill or drink coffee in the morning and then try not to eat a ton of sugar until after i’m done studying, because it makes me feel frazzled. really, a lot of ‘learning the basics’ textbook reading is sitting down and slogging through it. 

in type 2 books, i usually flag the pages that i find interesting with little sticky note flags, because it gives my brain a background task of ‘hhhhh find place to put colorful item yes’. 

if you’re experiencing executive dysfunction with the intimidation of reading Big Important Thing: this sounds stupid, but think of it as a long online article. like when you open ur book for ur chapter be like ‘yeah just gonna read this wikipedia page now’. like i’ve learned that when applying an online layout, my brain is like ‘ah yes short and good and will remain focused now’, but when working in a book format- even in an online textbook- my brain immediately goes offline because ‘No!!! Big Stressful Chunk Of Text Gives Me Anxiety. Do Not Like’. i do this while encouraging myself to read regular books, too (*opens horror novel* ‘wow this is a pretty long creepypasta huh’). 

[one-good-day]

Panic attack?

Hello long post but wondering if the symptoms I have is actually a panic attack and not just general anxiety since I havent seen this be discussed. Not sure what it is, just call it an episode for now. I didnt find a strict difference btwn panic and anxiety attacks so Im gonna go with the more well known name.

Tw: pretty graphic descriptions of fear panic and light but specific household chores abuse. Please stay safe.

I have these often, the worst months would be a couple hours a time a day. I have read the symptoms of a panic attack but one thing I noticed is that they are mostly short? Like around 10 minutes? Which makes me feel like mine aren't really?

And it isnt like I cannot think during my episodes and I clearly can reason, its just it won't stop and I feel like Im reduced to animal brain, I can't do anything other than mindlessly listen to music or draw to cope. (I cant even stop and sometimes hours pass before I realize the time again)

Some symptoms:

-intense fear and dread, like it claws up my throat and my throat closes and I have trouble speaking (feels like Im near tears though Im not sad, its more like fear?)

-buuut I know the world is not ending and Im not dying and im not having a heart attack.

- stabbing chest pain for no reason. Maybe my heart is beating fast? But when I measure it, it is not that much faster than usual.

-trouble inhaling air since my throat closes or breathing too fast ( but not hyperventilating or feeling light headed)

-sweating and hot flashes where I feel too hot although I felt fine or alternatively being too cold and (dread or cold shivers? This can make the fear feel worse)

- pacing with music ( to distract myself, also I cant stop cause my fear is too overwhelming)

- snappish and furious at others ( sudden anger and defensiveness out of terror, worse when abuser is talking to me) or if around friends and valued/authority, wanting to escape, go home, withdraw, isolate, stop talking and overall shutting down because I dont want them to feel bad for me and I feel like a fraud or im over reacting (since my face is stone or smiling they cannot tell). Wont reveal any personal problems or "weakness" or negative emotions even more than usual.

-freezing and not able to anything that requires thought or energy. For me, I can only listen to music (cant even stop(takes a huge effort of will which I do not have (even though I want to? Probably executive dysfunction)

- and most importantly, since mine are really silent and I sit or pace stone faced ( I really have trouble expressing emotions since I have been trained to not show negative ones no matter the cost) through the thing, even when Im alone, nobody notices and thus continue to harass me with triggering tasks/demands of my time, just making it worse and last longer.

I noticed that my "normal" anxiety feels more like something I could pretend as nervous excitement if I tried hard enough? So it is hard but not all comsuming? But I cant really even delude myself when I have an episode so maybe it is a panic attack? I dont know since most descriptions are vague and panic attacks in media seem very noticible and the person curls in on themselve or flat out runs away or starts repeating mantras (which is perfectly valid) mabye this is just a lack of representation but I havent seen anything like mine?

Tiggers include but not limited to:

Note: Now the dishes trigger warning applies. Stay safe.

-Dishes (my exrcutive dysfunction means that it can take me hours to finally start although it is an "easy task") during this time, I would get the side eye and irration from my abuser and that constantly increase my anxiety until I cant focus on anything else even though my brain still blocks me from the dishes so I feel trapped and the impending screaming and yelling created so much terror that I cannot not do dishes when asked without having a two or three hour long episode in which Im panicking that Im wasting time and being lazy and berating myself for not getting it done even though it is so easy. And the worst part was doing the dishes was my daily task. Which meant once dinner was over I was paralyzed and unable to do homework or the dishes. (This applies to any household task, now that I have some control, I flat out refuse due to fear and knowledge that I will never do it right away(executive dysfunction) or not before the episode)

- events or tests or important presentations where I need to prepare in advance, three guesses Im unable to start when I feel I should no matter how hard I tell myself and then I slip into an episode.

-music makes it worse actually because the beat keeps me excited and since my mood is easily influenced.... terror! But with a tempo and smattering of pop music! Also ear buds feel suffocating since I cant hear outside noise which drives my hypervigilance and paranoia crazy which makes me terrified which makes me listen to music. Sheer will power is not enough, i usually can only stop when Im beyong exhausted from pacing and being terrified.

-I still need earbuds to drown out the world and my abuser's voice though 😓

-needing to talk to someone about something (taking up emotional real estate, telling them they hurt me accidentally or voicing a request or apologizing for something hurtful (may not even have hurt them) my mind tells me I did) *for this one I usually have trouble speaking and stammer or repeat myself, my mind tends to go blank and my logic is bad even though I could be very well spoken if only I was not scared or I really have trouble getting words out cause my throat closed due to sheer terror. (this is the only circumstance besides housework where Im panicking while doing the thing) (symptoms the same though)

My guess:

My guesses are that this is a symptom of ptsd and I was triggered into an emotional flashback which caused a panic attack but Im not sure what to call this since it lasts so long and is probably multiple mental illnesses crammed into one. So far I know I have anxiety, depression and cptsd so a lot of choices to choose from.

If anyone knows or has a guess, I would love to hear in the comments. I think I'm not the only one feeling this so...yay representation?