#ive been lying here w my eyes closed for THREE HOURS

[arisveah]

i did a really tiring kickboxing class today. So Tell Me Why its past midnight and I Cant Sleep

[asthmark]

❝ walk you home ❞ l.dh

synopsis → “it’s just a suggestion but you could maybe put your lips on mine?”

request → “hi ive reading your works and honestly thank u for being a blog that doesn’t write smut. i feel like there are so few blogs like so. all your works make my heart feel fluffy and warm 😊 i was wondering if i could request a fluffy prompt kinda based off the nct dream song: walk you home with haechan? you have full creative freedom ❤️ thank u”

word count → 1.6k

you didn’t walk home often but when you did it always proved to be a peaceful and serene experience. 

you take pleasure in the sound of the pavement beneath your feet as your legs carry you home and your hands hold on tightly to the straps of your backpack. the calm breeze blows some of your hair around and the sun’s rays shine down on you delightfully. 

you decide it can’t get much better than this.

but, of course, you can’t have anything nice. 

you realize this when you feel a pair of hands grasp your shoulders firmly resulting in you effectively jumping out of your skin with a loud shriek.

the culprit, none other than lee donghyuck, laughs as he watches you place your hands on your knees, trying to steady your racing heart. 

“not funny, donghyuck!” you punch his arm to express your frustration. “you almost gave me a heart attack, for christ’s sake!”

he holds up his hands in defense. “okay, okay. i’m sorry. i was messing around, i thought it’d be funny.” 

“oh right because sneaking up on a girl walking home alone and making her think she’s going to be kidnapped is just hilarious.”

“i really didn’t mean to scare you,” he says, genuinely. “i came here for a reason, i swear.”

you raise your brows, expectantly.

“i was just thinking i could maybe walk you home?” 

you observe the way he tugs gently at the string of his hoodie, almost as if he were nervous. but why would he be nervous in front of you? you were just his best friend’s little sister. 

“you want to walk with me?” 

he nods in confirmation. 

you play with your shirt collar, not entirely sure what to say. “that’s fine, i guess.” 

with that, you continue on your route not even waiting for donghyuck who jogs to catch up to you. despite your houses being only a couple blocks away from each other, you and donghyuck had never walked anywhere together. at least, in your high school years. 

when you were all much younger, him and your older brother mark would almost always walk to the bus stop together. your mother had you tag along with them and your tiny figure would often be seen trailing behind them, trying your best to keep up. 

as you grew up, many things begun changing. most notably, the way you felt about donghyuck. before, all you had seen him as was mark’s obnoxious friend who pestered you relentlessly. but you had finally realized how cute and charming he truly was. you started to enjoy the way he teased you as long as it meant you had his attention. it wasn’t long before mark noticed your change in attitude and connected the dots. it was easy to say he was displeased. first of all, having you follow donghyuck all the time like a shadow proved to be very irritating. second of all, his best friend and his little sister together was something he didn’t want to even think about. 

when he commented about your strange behavior to donghyuck, the boy had only said he didn’t mind it. in fact, he seemed to enjoy your little antics.  

mark realized had no other choice but to take matters into his own hands. so, he sat you down one evening to have a chat with you and he certainly had no problem lying straight to your face.

“donghyuck hates you,” he had said. 

you had stopped stroking your dolls hair to stare at him with eyes as big as saucers. “w-what?” 

“yeah. he told me. he thinks you’re super annoying.” 

and just like that, your little heart had been broken. you remember crying for hours that day and begging your mom to drive you to school so you wouldn’t have to face donghyuck in the mornings. mark even suggested that you avoid him at school too so that he wouldn’t find you anymore unpleasant than he already did. you obeyed and soon enough your trio had broken up.

ever since then, you had stayed in your own lane away from lee donghyuck who, according to your older brother, could not stand you. 

“so... what’s up with you? i feel like it’s been so long since we caught up.” 

you sigh, kicking at a pebble on the sidewalk. “i’m pretty okay.” 

he waits, expecting you to add on. he clears his throat awkwardly when he realizes you’re not going to. you had been so talkative during your childhood, what happened? “oh, that’s good.” 

for the sake of clearing the tension, you force yourself to ask him how he’s doing. “what about you?” 

his face brightens up. “i’m doing good! well, grade-wise no. actually, maybe? i have straight c’s which is technically passing but not super good, you know? but other than, i‘m not bad. i finally tried out for a basketball team. remember how when we were younger i always wanted to play but they told me i was too short?” 

“i remember a lot of things from when we were younger,” you mumble, bitterly. 

he continues, dismissing your comment. “yeah well, i finally grew! i’m actually three inches taller than the average male. isn’t that crazy?” 

you’re not entirely sure how to respond so that you just nod and try to give him the most sincere smile you can muster. “good for you.” 

“hey, didn’t you want to take art classes when we were kids? but your parents made you do ballet instead?” 

you hesitate as the memory registers in your brain. “yeah. i did, actually.” 

donghyuck chuckles. “you were so mad. and then you ended up not even taking it. i’m pretty sure it was because you threw a huge tantrum outside your house.” 

you titter at the embarrassing memory. “i totally forgot about that. you must have a crazy good memory.” 

he shrugs. “kind of. but i think my favorite one has to be when you tried sneaking out of your bedroom window but you fell and ended up with a fractured ankle.” 

your eyes dart to him. “oh my god, how do you know that? did mark tell you? because i swear if he did i’m gonna—”

“it wasn’t him.” 

“then who was it?” 

he suddenly becomes shy. “i, um, heard  you telling your friends about it.” 

“you were eavesdropping?” 

he fiddles with his earring, nervously. “i guess. but i swear it wasn’t to be creepy—”

“sounds pretty creepy to me, donghyuck.” 

he sighs in defeat. “i just wanted to hear your voice.”  

you stumble over nothing. “i’m sorry, what?” 

“you’re never around me anymore,” he says, sounding hurt. “i know you’re avoiding me. and i don’t know why. but i still try to be close to you without upsetting you. i try to meet your eyes when you pass by in the hallway, i try to go by your house as much as i can so i can catch a glimpse of you. but it never works.”  

ever since mark had told you how donghyuck felt about you, you swore to yourself you would stop caring about him. although, at this moment, you can’t help but feel slightly guilty. you try to come to your senses.  

“i thought i was annoying,” you mumble. 

he squints his eyes. “what? who said that?” 

you stop dead in your tracks. “you’re kidding right? you did! you said i was annoying and that you hated me.” 

he stares off into the distance, trying to concentrate. “i really don’t remember saying that to you.” 

“you didn’t. you told mark. mark told me. i never forgot it.” 

“okay, i definitely didn’t say anything like that to mark. the only thing i remember telling him was—“ he stops, abruptly. 

you press further. “what did you tell him, donghyuck?” 

“that i had a crush on you.” 

it takes you a moment to process the words that come out of his mouth. “are you messing with me?” 

he scowls. “no! it took a lot of guts, i remember being so nervous to tell him. i thought he would tell you for me but i guess he said the complete opposite.”  

strangely enough, you believe him. you decide to confess too. “well... i had a crush on you too.” 

now it’s his turn to be stunned into silence. “seriously?” 

“yes! i thought it was so obvious.”  

“i would have never known.” he runs a hand through his hair. “just imagine what would have happened if mark had told either of us how the other felt. why do you think he lied about all that stuff, anyway?”  

“knowing him, he couldn’t stand the thought of his little sister and best friend liking each other so he tried to keep us apart by lying and hoping we’d just forget about each other or something. what an idiot.” 

“jokes on him if he thinks i would forget you. we might’ve been like 12 but i was ready to commit.”

you chuckle. “and how about now? still willing to?” 

he smiles, pearly whites on display. “always.”

##bonus: 

you stop at the front steps of your house, turning to donghyuck and grinning from ear to ear. “well, thanks for walking with me. i’m glad we finally got things sorted out.” 

he nods. “i’ve missed you.” 

you bite your lip. “i’ve missed you, too.”

he ruffles your hair. “you’re still super adorable, by the way.” 

“and you’re still super—“ you run your fingers over the smooth skin of his cheeks before squeezing them. “annoying.”  

he pouts. “that was mean.” 

you place your hands on his shoulders. “sorry, cutie. i couldn’t help it.” 

“make it up to me?” 

“and how would i do that?” 

“it’s just a suggestion but you could maybe put your lips on mine?”

you smile, more than happy to follow through with his instructions. as you lean in, you feel your inner little girl get the best of you. your heart speeds up and you hold your clammy hands together tightly behind his head.

“what is going on here?!” 

you both jump back from each other to face mark standing in the doorway of your house. he wastes no time dashing down the stairs, coming straight for the brunette beside you.

“lee donghyuck, i’m going to strangle you!”

at hearing the pure anger in mark’s voice, donghyuck’s face drops. he presses a quick kiss to your lips. you don’t even have time to feel any form of surprise because before you can even register what was happening, he’s making a run for it with mark right behind him.

[veiledpeaches]

chance encounters | part v: in a parallel universe we could have been something

Summary: Between pages of meddling friends and societal expectations, all she actually wants is to find a happily ever after with Doyoung, even if it feels like that is no longer possible. 

part i x part ii x part iii x part iv x part v x part vi

word count: 5.9k

for @donsjae​, who always reminds me to prioritize myself and my health. thank you for our conversation that day, and thank God for you <3

GIF originally posted by @lukhei​

Most relationships, whether familial, friendly or romantic, are built on shared passions or a sense of connection, but the relationship lasts because of an understanding of limits - the implicit understanding that no matter how close, there are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. At times, this reasoning extends to the belief that every individual has personal land mines, and it is not until we are covered in cinders, splinters and snow-like ashes, that we recognize the propensity for that person to explode catastrophically.

It has never occurred to Haewon that there could be such a line to be crossed between her and Johnny, until he presses her up against the sink and covers her lips with his own.

Almost as quickly as he kisses her, Johnny pulls apart, his eyes wide.

She takes in his striking brown eyes, the strong line of his jaw that sets, an uneasy laugh escaping from her lips.

“You know, no one really appreciates pity kisses.”

Johnny relaxes, taking a deep breath. His eyes softens, never leaving her face.

“This isn’t pity.”

“Johnny, what are you doing?” She stops him before he leans in again, panic arresting her chest as she watches his face fall.

“I’m sorry.” He averts his eyes, the warmth of his arms retracted as he steps away from her.

“W-What… Why…”

“I don’t know! I mean… Look, I know you and Doyoung are like, great…”

Her mind is whirling at a mile a minute. “Isn’t that what you were rooting for just yesterday?”

“I know, I know, I just!” He rakes his fingers through his hair, refusing to look at her as he keeps talking, “I can’t help but think, I mean, I… Won’t we be good together?”

Her heart sinks. “Johnny, you just broke up days ago. You’re not thinking straight.”

“No,” he shakes his head, still not looking at her as he swallows, “This isn’t what you’re thinking of. I have been thinking about it for a while-”

“Stop,” her voice straddles the line between a whisper and a shout as she turns away from him, her hands gripping the countertop even tighter this time, but for a completely different reason. “Please, don’t. Please.”

She hears him take a step closer, his finger gently meeting the back of her arm and trailing downwards, almost nostalgically. At his touch, she finds the knot in her stomach letting, and she doesn’t have enough energy left in her to pull away.

She doesn’t want to pull away. This is her friend, this is what they are, have always been. This wasn’t the way the story should’ve been written.

“Is it Doyoung?”

God, Doyoung.

She shakes her head, affixing her gaze on a small stain on the countertop that had never been really cleaned off properly through the years.

If you leave a stain uncleaned for too long, her mother used to tell her, someday it’ll become permanent. And then the more you wipe at it, the more it stares right back at you.

“It’s not Doyoung,” she forces herself to speak again, turning around to face him.

“It’s us.”

She watches his face as he bites his trembling lip, his eyes two abysses she could not fall into.

“You’re the closest friend I have-”

“You mean to say,” his voice is wobbly as he speaks, “you’ve never considered this before? Ever?”

This time, it’s her jaw that quavers.

To say yes would be misleading, but to say no and shut that down completely would be untruthful. Once, many years ago, when she’d just arrived in Seoul, there was a time where Haewon contemplated pursuing something that could bloom between them. But as quickly as that thought had come, it had been just as quickly displaced with another thought - louder and more fervent than the first - ‘he’s all you have here’. The circumstances that had made her move had been less than ideal, and to repeat the same mistake with another man - a man as brilliant as Johnny - would be unthinkable.

As even more time had passed, when notions of “type” and “meant to be” had entered their conversations, the vast differences in their approach to dating and relationships had made anything potentially happening between them simply unimaginable, and she had gently scoffed at her earlier consideration, burying it in the deepest recesses of her mind.

Until now.

“If you can’t answer that… Maybe the absence of an answer is an answer in itself.”

She shakes her head even harder, taking his hands in hers and urging him to look at her, her gaze chasing after his, “Johnny, I can’t lose you. Not you. You know I love you-”

Johnny finally looks up, tears shining in his eyes but the look on his face is defiant, almost angry. “Don’t do that.”

“I can’t lose you, Johnny, you’re all I have here. Could you possibly understand?”

He drops her hands as if he has just been burned, stepping away from her completely as he walks away wordlessly, his tall body growing smaller and smaller as he walks down the bedroom corridor, the gravity of their situation reverberating even after he had shut the door and she could no longer see him.

Johnny has not left his room since this morning, and Haewon has not stopped worrying. It isn’t like Johnny to hide himself away when things happen, because he is the kind of person who wants to talk about everything. She remembers how their three-hour heartfelt conversation had gone when Aoi had broken up with him, the way he had tirelessly listed every single part of her he would miss.

Squatting in front of his room door, she slips a note under the door, seconds before the door is flung open and there he stands, in his six-feet tall glory towering over her crouched figure, looking sort of judgmental.

The ink on the paper that reads “I made all your favorites for lunch!!!” suddenly seems gaudier than usual, and she has half a mind to snatch it back and shred it.

He looks at the paper. “What are we, fifth graders?”

She pulls her lips into a straight line, shaking her head without looking at him.

“Don’t be weird.” Johnny says petulantly, pulling her up from her position on the floor.

“You’re weird.”

“You cried.” His voice remains almost factual, but still slightly hoarse.

“So? You cried too.”

“Yeah but I cry suitably, like a healthy, emotionally-thriving person. You never cry.” He says, but he doesn’t argue further. This is the first time he has seen her with bloodshot eyes, and he is lying if he says it does not clench his heart. Further, to be the cause of that expression has never been a fantasy of his, but he holds these thoughts in his head, taking a seat at the dining table and starting to eat like nothing has happened.

Haewon wipes her eyes with the back of her hand quickly and takes her seat.

“For the record, I’m not hurt.” He pipes, gesturing with his chopsticks, “I expected it. And I’m thirty-two years old, so don't treat me like glass.”

She nods, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. Her mind flashes back to the sight of a teary-eyed Johnny when the girl from Haewon’s gym had told him that she just wanted to be friends after two dates, but she lets it slide.

He licks his lips, “I was just being dramatic… You know, the usual.”

There are so many girls out there, Johnny will start dating again in no time, she thinks. Then all of this would be forgotten and he would feel much better. Despite knowing Johnny would be fine, that it is not likely that his feelings had become that deep over such a short period of time, she finds herself reaching forward to hold his fingers in her hand.

Johnny’s eyes land on their entwined fingers for a moment, before he balances his chopsticks on his bowl and holds her hand in a tighter grasp.

He sighs emphatically. “Hey, it’s fine. I’m okay. It’s not the end of the world. I’ve been rejected before, it’s nothing new. And just so you know, I didn’t cry because I was rejected, I just… I felt like I screwed up what we had.”

She starts to shake her head, but Johnny continues, “Just know that, it’s all good. By tomorrow I’ll be completely fine, okay?”

Her bottom lip is still under her teeth when she nods, so Johnny ruffles her hair comfortingly.

“Anyway, since you rejected me and made me all cry-ey…”

Haewon’s eyes widen.

But Johnny’s expression is sheepish, “can I exploit your pity and make you cook dinner too?”

This draws a laugh from her, “of course.”

True to his word, the next morning and then for the next two months, Johnny does not raise the subject anymore. Everything slows down back into a routine again, and Haewon is relieved to know that the rapport between them remains more or less the same. Johnny still goes on dates, still works hard on everyday except Friday, and tries to be okay around her. Haewon focuses on preparing for her move to the states, continues to feel things for her former boss, and tries to show Johnny that everything is okay.

As for Doyoung, conversations with him are few and far less, with most of them skirting around the same issues; their work, him being a workaholic and her hardly planned departure. They don’t talk feelings, don’t talk about the unspoken agreement that had latched another perforated layer to their relationship.

There is no need for deeper conversation, not when Haewon is leaving in two months, and especially not when there is more to be risked and lost.

So Haewon finds herself dreading the possibility of running into Doyoung as the ‘ding’ sound of the lift is heard at the twelfth floor, the papers in her hand slightly crinkled from her tight grip. DAM-IL PUBLISHING CO. flashes in her periphery as she scans her temporary access card from the guard house, making a beeline for Jeno’s desk.

It’s nine o’clock, so no one with any semblance of a life would be caught dead in the office, but Haewon cannot say she is surprised when she catches the faint glow of Doyoung’s desk lamp beyond the translucent glass, allowing her gaze to fall on the silhouette on the chair.

For more than three years, walking into the office to be greeted with this sight… Perhaps this is one of the things she would miss most about being here, the simultaneous rush of excitement and sense of comfort she would feel when their eyes met through the glass.

“Haewon?” She hears his voice and freezes, before giving up and walking into his inner office.

Doyoung’s tie is lying on his desk next to a pile of papers, his dress shirt is slightly unbuttoned and his head is against the headrest of the chair as he looks up at her when she enters, exhaustion making his eyelids seem heavier than usual.

“Boss, it’s late, what’re you doing here?”

“Just looking through some stuff.”

Haewon’s eyes gloss over the papers, immediately recognizing the familiar scrawl on the yellow post-it stuck at the top.

“These are... This is my work.” She frowns. “I thought I handed it over to Jeno.”

Doyoung’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, I thought I should look over it too. I... I didn’t realise how reliant I had become, on you.”

Their eyes meet for a moment, before Haewon coughs and looks away.

“Do you need anything?”

She gestures vaguely towards the outside of his office. “I just came to get some things I left here, on Jeno’s desk.”

“How’s the preparation coming along?”

“Logistically? All good. Saying goodbye?” She shrugs, “pretty damn hard.”

Doyoung laughs heartily, his short, breathy laughs faintly reminiscent of arpeggios in staccato.

“I understand, leaving is the hardest thing.”

Haewon smiles, but she cannot concur. She had spent her teen years in four different states due to various reasons until her family finally settled back in Chicago again. She has found a familiarity in disappearing, the safety in belonging to nothing and nowhere, never being comfortable to stay for long. And with all the traveling she’s done her whole life, even state lines blur. Roads meander similarly and street signs just read differently but in the same font. Sunset views start to converge with each other and in the end, they are all the same.

That’s why moving halfway across the world - a decision that would have taken someone else an indefinite amount of time to decide - had not fazed her. Given a job and a life open for her in Seoul, why wouldn’t she be open to it, when she had pretty much been living her life the same way, taking any opportunity to pull the brakes and reverse out of the situation once she has hit the end of the road?

Leaving was easy. It was everything else that was just so damned hard.

“Anyway,” Doyoung says after a while, drawing her out of her reverie, “take your time, I’ll be here for a while.”

Nodding, she returns to the desk, pulling a manila envelope and some congratulatory cards she had received from past clients from the bottom drawer, where Jeno said he would leave them.

Flipping through the documents in the envelope, Haewon misses the way his gaze lingers on her shoulders from inside his office, misses the way he gets out of his seat after a minute, misses the way he strides quietly but resolutely towards her turned back, but doesn’t miss the way he wraps his arms around her, his lips just behind her ear.

Whether he knows this well or not, Doyoung has an unquestionable talent for rendering Haewon speechless.

“Boss—”

“Don’t say anything. Please.” Doyoung’s voice is soft and sounds even lower than it usually is, as he holds her even more tightly in his arms.

She feels the familiar prick of tears in her eyes, but swallows them back with the knot in her throat. It’s not that she doesn’t know that on some level, she has an effect on him. But that effect — and the extent of it — remains unaddressed, and Haewon has taught herself not to cling on to any shred of hope.

Her fingers find their grasp on his forearms as she relaxes and listens to his soft breathing, letting her heartbeat slow down into the same rhythm as his now. Save for the sympathetic whirring of the air-conditioner, the room is completely quiet, and it is only now that Haewon allows herself to revel in the silence, in the arms of the man she is held by. With the press of his arms around his waist and his heartbeat against her back, it feels like they can almost believe that the impending dates and unyielding timeline of their relationship momentarily cease to exist.

But as he nuzzles his face into the place where her shoulder and neck meet, Haewon realizes that even the best show comes to an end, and the curtains will fall eventually. Because no matter how big a step this is for Doyoung, it would never be enough for her.

There’s a familiarity in disappearing, and maybe the silence is what Doyoung needs right now, but Haewon can’t wait forever if there isn’t an end in sight. For a few months after her confession, she had thought that she would be fine with letting her questions find a space in the vast proverbial grey area, but she knows now that it is no longer an answer she can accept.

And if Doyoung had said something, anything, Haewon wouldn’t think twice about hanging up her running shoes to build a home in his arms.

“I told you people would come,” Johnny smirks, taking the marinated meat out of the freezer. “Free food, free booze - anyone would come.”

It’s the night before Haewon’s departure, and Johnny had organized a small farewell party with her closer co-workers at the last minute. They had made a bet that very few people would turn up given the eleventh hour invitations, but somehow Johnny had managed to convince most of them.

“They’re too nice to say no,” Haewon says, bringing the food to the barbecue grill at the balcony, smiling at Kim Jungwoo and Lee Donghyuck entering the apartment with a bottle of wine.

There’s tipsy chatter from her former colleagues all around her, as Lauv sings about getting what you give and giving what you get in the background. A smiling Jeno offers to start the barbeque, and Haewon’s about to thank him when she hears someone shouting from across the apartment jokingly, “Hey! Who invited the boss to the party?”

Doyoung’s still in his usual work suit, but somehow looks softer than usual, his fringe sweeping across his forehead, looking all sorts of handsome. His eyes are tired but amused as he lifts his eyebrows comically upon seeing Haewon’s slightly agape mouth.

“Doyoung!”

From the corner of her eye, she finds Johnny standing right next to her with a wide smile on his face, Jeno suddenly nowhere to be found.

Haewon turns towards him, “you invited Doyoung?”

“You were planning to have a farewell party without Doyoung?” Johnny frowns, replying in an equally hushed tone.

Haewon lets her eyes fall on the sizzling fire beneath the wire grill silently, the flames lapping excitedly at the charcoal, until the marinated slices of beef sits on it.

“I know stuff happened between you guys, but don’t you feel you owe each other a decent goodbye?”

“We have said our goodbyes.”

“On text? He wasn’t even there on your last week.”

Haewon hasn’t told Johnny about her encounter with Doyoung in the office a few nights ago, the way his jaw had settled on her shoulder, her skin still tingling from the warmth of his hug. It’s less about Johnny’s non-judgmental friendship compared to how there’s no express need to externalize her hopeful thoughts on an embrace that fell short of a promise.

It feels more like a scene in a movie than real life when Doyoung walks towards her in dramatic slow-motion and envelopes her in a hug, everyone at the party clapping and whopping. Haewon’s about to push away, when she realizes she has become so paranoid to the extent of not being able to recognize this simple greeting for what it is - a farewell, well-intentioned professional hug from a former supervisor to a former employee.

“Speech, boss, speech!” Lee Donghyuck’s voice is almost booming, closely followed by echoes of the same request.

Doyoung laughs, taking the glass of white wine Johnny offers timely.

“Okay, okay! So… Well, I’d like to start by saying that this farewell is, to me as I’m sure it is to all of you, bittersweet. Haewon has been with us for more than three years now, a huge testament to her patience given how ‘easy’ I am to work with,” he chuckles when he hears a joking ‘who let the cat out of the bag’ in the small crowd.

“I first met Haewon through a recommendation from a mutual friend - yes, Johnny, everyone knows it’s you - and I can’t be more thankful that I could make this decision for her to join us. She is a great asset to the team, an amazing creative artist and writer, and I can’t wait to see what life has in store for her.”

His eyes meet Haewon’s, and she doesn’t dare to look away.

“Haewon, I hope that nothing ever stands in the way of your dreams. I hope you’ll always have the courage and strength to do whatever you’re called to.”

The atmosphere now is almost still, and she can’t tell if her eyes are lying to her, or if his eyes are getting a little misty.

“So… Let’s raise our glasses to Haewon!”

There’s cheering and polite applause, but Haewon can’t concentrate on anything else as she watches Doyoung down all the contents of his glass and then smile as he exits her line of vision. Perhaps it’s now more clear than ever, Doyoung’s personal intentions behind those words, but as Haewon bites down the lump rising in her throat, raw and throbbing, she finds it difficult to continue believing in the power of believing, unsure of how much is real and how much has been conjured by the blindness of a scaffold, the scaffold of rose-tinted glasses.

“When the timing isn’t right, neither is the man.”

Haewon swivels around, meeting Yuta’s piteous gaze. It feels like something’s lodged in her throat again, and her voice cracks as she says, “y-you knew?”

“I’ve been sitting behind you for three years, Haewon. I could tell you loved writing more than all our work at the office, how could I not know you’re in love with him?”

Tears rush to her eyes, but even as she blinks them away it’s like there are seven Yuta’s looking indulgently at her.

“But you’re still so young, you need to experience the world…” He smiles, “‘so many worlds, so much to do, so little done, such things to be.’”

She chuckles tearfully, “Tennyson.”

“I’ve never been a fan, but he was the one who said, ‘’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’, which I think is fair.”

“I know you want him – enough that you’re even thinking of rescinding on the Brown offer. But you can’t put life on hold, Haewon, especially not for boss.”

Johnny would say he’s not the least surprised, but it’s unexpected to her that Doyoung outstays everyone - even Yuta, after a long conversation with him at the corner of their balcony. Haewon keeps herself busy, smiling as her ex-colleagues give her their last handshake and shoulder squeeze before they bid their final goodbyes with best wishes and promises to stay in touch.

It’s close to midnight and she’s almost done washing the dishes when she feels Doyoung’s fingers against her elbow.

His gaze is still on her elbow as she turns to face him.

“Can we go somewhere else to talk?”

It would be much later, before Haewon can bring herself to admit that she was entirely aware of what the outcome would be upon stepping into Doyoung’s car.

It’s not that she doesn’t know that on some level, she has a place in Doyoung’s head, if not his heart. The suppressed emotions all these years have better equipped her in presenting herself differently from how she feels, but the ability to pitch and hold two different sets of emotions doesn’t help her anymore now than it did pre-confession. Instead, in a self-induced, partially aware stupor, Haewon recognizes that she is less in a state of oscillation than she is in the state of desiring a reconciliation between two duelling thoughts - the voice that cries, “what if he wants to be with you?” and that which cries, “what if he does not?”

As for now, she just sits in the passenger seat, her hands and lap empty this time. It’s been almost ten minutes since Doyoung has reached their destination, the same place he had confessed to her about what had happened with Inhee. This time, the atmosphere is thicker than before, unexpressed implications heavy on their skin. The air has become a tad cooler than many nights before, and the lights on the bridge and over the water still remain. But this time, the road is a lot quieter, with no other headlights, not many streetlights - nothing that could have been mistaken for constellations.

This time, they do not leave the car. There’s no need for alcohol, for cigarettes, for anything that could be blamed for foolishness.

“Oh! Here,” Doyoung exclaims lightly, reaching to the backseat to grab something, which Haewon only recognizes as a book when it’s in her hands.

CHANCE ENCOUNTERS by CHO YOUNG-JUN, the book reads, with a picture of a cat on a ledge looking at the biggest moon Haewon has ever seen, a style so characteristic of Nakamoto Yuta that it brings a smile to Haewon’s face. She remembers how Cho Young Jun had insisted on the details of the visual, and how it had to look like a pencil sketch, a metaphor for how a life is never really finished even when someone else’s role in that life has, how everyone is a guest star on another person’s stage.

“He wanted you to have one of the first published copies,” Doyoung explains, “he said it was a pity that you couldn’t see it to the end, and that it would be a bigger pity if he couldn’t give one to you himself.”

“He’s a good kid,” she nods, “thank you. But how did you know I’d get into the car with you?”

Doyoung’s expression is abashed, “let’s just say I got lucky.”

She smiles, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Doyoung says finally, “truthfully, I couldn’t decide whether I should come or not.”

She laughs again, but it sounds more resigned than amused. “You didn’t wanna say goodbye to me?”

Doyoung falls completely silent, so silent that it forces Haewon to look at him as he speaks, “I can’t say goodbye to you.”

“Not you.”

She feels the tell-tale warmness in her eyes, but swallows and manages to collect herself as she turns away.

“Well you made it,” she says lamely.

“I had to,” she can feel his eyes on her face as his voice grows quieter but more insistent, “I had to see you one last time before you leave, or I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“Because… You were wrong.”

“What?”

“You were wrong.”  His eyes are twinkling as he speaks again, “when you said that my engagement wasn’t the only thing standing in the way of something happening between us.”

It feels like all the air has been robbed from her lungs once the words leave his lips, her eyes searching his face desperately for a sign that this is a joke, that he’s about to pull away like he has every time. But Doyoung is here, and under the lights in the car he’s unfamiliarly close, her eyes falling on the beautiful freckles on his cheeks and then the small scar at the corner of his mouth, before resting on his soft pink lips. This sudden and indisputable closeness seems to make all other distance irrelevant, and it is this closeness that she tries to concentrate on - not that it might be fleeting, a feeling she knows only too well - as Doyoung pulls her from across the console onto his lap and presses his lips against hers.

There is a recklessness to the way Doyoung kisses, a sense of abandon that has been concealed for too long. She feels it in the movement of his lips, in the firmness of his fingers against her jaw, in the way he pulls her even more tightly against him when her own fingers card through his hair before slipping down to settle on his nape. A stray tear escapes her eye, finding a place on his thumb and he kisses her even harder. Doyoung kisses the way he lives, sure and intentional and wanting to regret nothing, and even as his lips leave hers they travel across the line of her jaw and down her neck, giving everything he has and asking for nothing back.

But as soon as her arms wrap around his shoulders, Doyoung is pushing away again, his head shaking so vigorously that it brings tears to her eyes instantly.

“W-Why?”

His face contorts painfully as his lips close over the words, “you’re leaving tomorrow, we can’t do this.”

Her eyes are burning with tears, and it no longer fazes her as they slip from her eyes.

“Don’t make it sound like this is about me,” her voice is tight, “you were the one who held me first, at the office. And then those things you said, every single thing you’ve said since I tendered. And now, you kissed me first.”

“I know…” His eyes are sparkling with tears as well as he stills his trembling lip, “I’m sorry, Haewon. It kills me to see you like this.”

“You’re playing with me…”

Even as the words leave her, she knows how unfair they are.

“I’m not!” He shakes his head furiously, “I swear, I’m not. I would never do that to you.”

“It’s not about how you feel!” She isn’t shouting, but she might as well be, “It’s about how you act! You can’t say things like that without thinking, Doyoung, you know that I’m in love with you.”

Doyoung is as much of a mess as she is, his eyes red and his cheeks wet, and his voice has faded into a whisper when his mouth opens again, “but I can’t, Haewon, I can’t.”

At these words, she finds herself unable to speak, unable to do anything except to wait for him to continue.

“I can’t just run from the arms of one person into those of another. I can’t promise you anything or ask anything of you. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

Her eyelids feel heavier with every blink of the eye, distributed almost like a telephone line she can no longer connect. Giving up, she shuts her eyes, trying to hold more tears in and not let them escape.

It is only now that she realizes what would later seem obvious. That it doesn’t matter what she said, how carefully she crafted her arguments, even if she uses every tool of persuasion she has mastered over the years. There is only one thing that really matters, now and always, and this is it.

She’s leaving tomorrow, and he can’t give her anything. It wouldn’t be fair to him, because even if he has feelings for her, there are bigger things at large. And it’s this thought that she wrestles with - the weight of having too much of him, and yet, never enough. She’s leaving tomorrow, and it wouldn’t be fair to put another log on that fire.

For the longest time, her feelings have been hidden away, out of sight, forbidden and shameful. But even now, even when Doyoung is no longer engaged, no longer her superior and they are no longer surrounded by people, his love seems so out of reach.

Perhaps, it will always remain that way.

This is it, she thinks. But even with the heaviness that comes with finality, even as a fresh bout of tears come, she cannot be sure who she is crying for. For her weakness, for Doyoung’s brokenness, or perhaps, just for what they will miss.

“You know what you’re doing, right?”

She is brought out of her daze at once, Johnny’s words only registering seconds later. She looks at him for a moment, wondering how he could have known, belatedly realizing that he’s only talking about travel arrangements. Johnny had been in his room when she had reached home last night, to her relief. She definitely would not have wanted him to see her eyes bloated from crying.

“Yeah, I’m good.” She grins up at him, “I’ve been there before, I think I’ll manage. Besides, my Mom insisted on flying in to spend time with me before I start for real.”

Johnny nods thoughtfully, checking once more that she has her passport and air ticket.

“We’ve checked so many times, John,” she snatches her passport back almost childishly, “I’ll be fine, please don’t worry. Any last words?”

“I would say ‘I’ll miss you’, but you promised to come back every semester break.”

“That’s all?” Her jaw drops in mock betrayal.

Johnny laughs, his hands finding their place on her shoulder. “Is brevity not the soul of wit?”

She rolls her eyes and they smile at each other for a while, but then he catches her hopeful glances around, and his hands on her shoulders squeeze gently, his face turning serious.

“I don’t think he’s coming, Haewon-ah.”

There’s something within her that she cannot find a name for, but she is certain it isn’t just sadness, certain that it isn’t that devoid of regret and self-deprecation.  

“It’s okay,” she releases a smile, unsure if she is comforting herself or Johnny. “Not all seeds were meant to grow into big trees anyway.”

Johnny sighs emphatically, “I’m sorry. I really thought something was going to happen when you left with him last night.”

Her mind flashes to the messes they made of each other last night, their bodies pressed against each other but their lives and futures already seven thousand miles apart. There is a place in my head that he will always inhabit, she thinks to herself, a place that no longer belongs to me, but I will learn to be okay with that.

She shrugs, “I know. But it’s just… We kept missing each other, you know? It was never the right time.”

He nods sympathetically, and then his expression changes at a certain memory.

“Listen Haewonnie, I wanted to… I wanted to apologize as well, before you go. What I did that morning was… stupid. Would you for-”

“Hey,” she pulls his hands into hers, “you don’t need to apologize for anything, John. You didn’t do anything wrong. And you know I love you, and you mean more to me than anyone else here.”

He nods again, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Too bad for you. I’m somewhat of a catch.”

She laughs adoringly, smiling so wide with her eyes so warm. She knows he’s joking, but she also knows that if they were still in Chicago, if he hadn’t left all those years ago and Haewon hadn’t come to Seoul, it is conceivable that she would eventually fall in love with Johnny. His personality is so similar to the guys she dated back in America - only taller, more handsome and even brighter. And much, much better.

Johnny looks at her dotingly for a moment, before he opens his arms wide for her to step into his warm embrace. His palm closes gently over her ponytail, and she relaxes in his arms. This is Johnny, one of the only people in the world she trusts so wholeheartedly, and she knows how much he cherishes her, and how much she will miss him.

So she pulls him more tightly towards her, dreading the moment she would finally have to let go.

She’s halfway across the Pacific when she remembers the book Doyoung had given her the night before, oddly thankful that she has something to read on the way there. She tries to tune out the parent quietly admonishing their child about kicking people’s chairs on the plane, the rolling of the beverage cart and the old man mumbling behind her, as she flips the book open, eager to start.

Instead, she feels her heart swell impossibly, because written on the first page in penmanship that couldn’t be anyone’s but Doyoung’s, is a short line:

If my answer changes one day, would you still save me a seat?

//

w/n: i hope this longass update was worth the wait! was uncharacteristically busy with life these couple of weeks, hence the late drop. hope it’s ok! (yes i know i’m incredibly draggy, i’m a soap opera kind of girl.)

just one more part left!! would be really grateful if you could reblog this post if you enjoyed it!

COME SCREAM AT/WITH ME!! ask

[loveistherootofhappiness]

Throwing out something a little positive before the season finale breaks our hearts...

Fandom: 9-1-1 Pairing: Michael/OC (aka “Dr. McHottie”) w/ a little Bathena Rating: T Word Count: 2981

Summary:  None of that included coming face to face with the guy that’s been wondering in and out of his thoughts for the last few days.

Can also be read here -----

Dr. Derek Hale walked slowly as he exited the elevator. Each step was paired with a sip of the black, way too strong, coffee that he’d gotten from the lobby. The acrid taste was awful, but was doing a manageable job of keeping him awake right now. He hated when he wasn’t prepared for a shift, felt he was not only doing a disservice to himself, but the patients as well not being a hundred percent. Though, he didn’t feel right calling out or asking a colleague to work in his place, it was his own fault he was so tired. Well, the fault of a certain guy he’d met in an elevator who’d been heavily on his mind for the last three days, but that was beside the point.

As he approached the nurse’s station, he shook all thoughts of “Elevator Guy” from his mind, knowing they’d stray to point of distraction if he continued this line of thinking. Putting his things down and brushing off all comments about how tired he looked, he poured through the charts and notes on the patients he was responsible for on the trauma ward. He steeled his focus and was able to get caught up on everything in about 30 minutes and prepared to start making his rounds. He grabbed his tablet, stethoscope, pocketed an otoscope, and walked towards the first room on his list to check in on the patient.

Athena wasn’t sleeping but resting comfortably, well, as comfortably as she could. The warm body snuggled against her was doing wanders for her. She was spooned against Bobby, face in his neck inhaling the scent she’d been missing for the last three days. Bobby had his hands wrapped around her careful to avoid any of her injuries. Parts of her body still ached, but this having him next her again, it was making it so much better. It took a bit of convincing to do this, but not as much as she thought it would.

“I know both of you know better,” Derek said in amusement as he opened the door to the room.

Athena groaned inwardly pulling herself out of the moment she was in. “Is it shift change time already?” Athena asked innocently, “I thought we had a little more time.”

“It’s okay, I guess I’ll let it slide,” Derek paused as he looked between Bobby and Athena, “this time.” Dereks voice still held it’s amused tone. This was was far from the first time that he found patients in bed with loved ones. He’d worked in trauma long enough to know how much physical contact could help in the healing process mental and emotionally, as well as physically. “I’m glad you have a support system with you.”

“So am I.” Athena placed her hand over Bobby’s near by one, rubbing her thumb along the the back.

Derek smiled as used his foot to lift the bed so he can examine her better. “I’m Dr. Derek Hale, by the way.”

“Athena Nash.”

Following the introductions, he went through the motions of examining of her. He took note of her vitals making sure everything was within normal ranges. “Scale of 1 to 10, how bad’s the pain today?”

“About a 4,” she answered honestly. He looked at her, seeing if there were any sign of lying, she appeared to be telling the truth.

“The pain meds been treating you okay?”

“Other than making me a little sleepy, I feel fine.”

He hummed in acknowledgment as he took note of her answer. He pulled out the otoscope, looking at her eyes, checking their reaction to light, “no headaches, blurred vision, nausea, trouble breathing?”

“There is a dull ache in my head, but the meds help with that. No blurred vision, nausea, nothing like that. My chest hurts a bit when I inhale, but it’s nothing I can’t handle” He turned off the scope and put it back in his pocket, taking note that everything was normal.

He took note of her facial wounds, which appeared to be healing normally, no signs of infection. Nothing that time wouldn’t be able to take care of.

“You seem to be doing very well Athena. No adverse reactions to treatment. Healing nicely.”

“Great. When can I go home?” She asked eagerly.

“Athena.” Her partner said pointedly, which she responded to by shooting him a look.

Derek chuckled, “it’s fine. It’s a fair question,” he sat at the end of Athena’s bed, “honestly speaking, I see no reason why we can’t have you out of here by the end of the day.”

“Oh thank god,” Athena breathed a sigh of relief while her partner still looked wary.

“You’re healing is going to take time, but, at this point, it nothing that can’t be done at home. I think we’ve bandaged you up as much as we can. I see no reason why we can’t have you out of here by the end of the day,” he rose to his feet, “so you guys can cuddle up together in your own bed. As long as it’s just cuddling, no strenuous activities right now and you still need to get plenty of rest.”

“Of course, I understand.”

“Do you have any other questions for me?” She shook her head. “Well, I’m going to go update your chart and get the discharge process started. It was good meeting you, Athena.”

He reached over and held out his hand towards her partner. “Bobby,” he told him. Derek faltered a bit, having remembered hearing the name, but recovered quickly before it was, hopefully, noticed. Bobby didn’t give him any indicate that he noticed when he let go of his hand.

“Alright, I’ll be back to check on you later.” He said to Athena before turning to leave. As he did, the door opened, putting him face to face with none other than “Elevator Guy” holding a bouquet of flowers and a bag of food.

When Michael woke up this morning his plans included: making sure his kids were okay, calling his mom, going to visit Athena, and bringing her and Bobby some lunch from Athena’s favorite place. None of that included coming face to face with the guy that’s been wondering in and out of his thoughts for the last few days. Though, he couldn’t say he was mad at the strange turn of events.

Michael knew he was staring way past the point of what was considered appropriate, but he couldn’t help himself. He knew the man looked good, but the low lighting of the elevator didn’t do him nearly enough justice. In the fluorescent lighting of the hospital room he could clearly see his piercing dark brown eyes, smooth deep brown skin, and powerful jawline. The man was beautiful. As he watched “Hot Doctor’s” features shift from surprise to almost smiling, he could see the recognition. It was comforting to know that he hadn’t forgotten him.

It took a nurse clearing her throat from behind him for him to realize how caught up they had gotten in the moment. “Oh, sorry,” Michael chuckled nervously and stepped out of the nurse’s way for her to enter the room.

The doctor took the opportunity to make his leave as well. “I need to continue making my rounds,” he said quickly before exiting the room just as quickly. Michael was so flustered he wasn’t able to get another word in before he left.

Michael was mentally kicking himself as he stood out of the way, while the nurse tended to Athena’s IVs. He still hadn’t gotten his name. He just stood there staring like an idiot. It was just as well, he had every opportunity to do so when he was trapped with him three nights ago for well over an hour. He sighed, damn if he didn’t know how to waste an opportunity. He didn’t miss the look the look that the nurse shot him as she walked out of the room after finishing. The universe’s way of telling him it agreed with him.

When the door clicked closed, he was left with Bobby and Athena’s amused looks. He made his way over to them, placing the flowers and food on the bedside table. “So, how are you feeling today?” He asked Athena as he distracted himself with taking the food out of the bag. He was met with silent, eyebrow raises as he handed each container to both of them and pulled the rolling table in front of Athena, “I’m not getting away with that, am I?”

“Not a chance,” Bobby said, taking the top of of his and Athena’s containers.

“Micheal, what was that? Do you know him?”

“Yes- well, no- umm, kinda, I guess,” he stumbled over his words, trying to find the right words to say, “I met him in an elevator,” he settled on.

“You met him in an elevator?” Athena asked slowly.

“The night of your- what happened, after my MRI, I was leaving the hospital, and found myself stuck in elevator with him. We were trapped for about an hour or so before we were finally rescued. When we were I had every intention of asking for his name and, possibly, his phone number when I got the call from Bobby about what happened. All of that flew out the window. After the dust settled and I knew you were okay, I had time to think about it. I kinda just chalked it up as a missed opportunity. Didn’t think I would see him again.”

“Wait, so you were trapped with him, for over an hour, and you didn’t get his name?” Bobby asked.

“Don’t remind me. I guess we just got to talking and it didn’t come up.” Michael fondly remembered how the conversation between them just flowed, it’d been a while since he’d felt that spark with someone.

“So what ya gonna do about it?” Athena asked casually, as she ate one of her fries.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked, feigning ignorance.

“I’m gonna ignore that because you know exactly what I mean.” Athena eyed him carefully, “it’s not like you to waste an opportunity.”

She was right, it wasn’t, but this was different, felt different. It had been a while,since he’d felt this level of attraction to someone, since he’d purposefully put himself out there. If the connection was anything to go off of, he could chance saying that “Hot Doctor” was attracted to him too. Maybe, at some level. This was all still so new to him, he didn’t want to be wrong or risk misreading what he believed could be signals. “You’re right, I just don’t wanna be wrong. I wanna be sure I’m not wrong here and he likes me too.”

“He likes you,” Athena and Bobby told him simultaneously.

“This entire hospital felt the chemistry between you two just now.” Athena joked.

“Ha ha,” Michael snarked, “can we drop this and focus on you?” Michael asked, more than ready to stop talking about this.

Athena eyed him, “fine, as long as you remember that you deserve to be happy.” He laid a hand on her shoulder and placed a kiss on her forehead in response.

“Now, how are you feeling?” With that question he, Bobby, and Athena feel into a comfortable conversation that wasn’t about him anymore.

Before he knew it, a couple of hours had gone by. May was texting him, asking him if it was okay if he and Harry went to the hospital. He let her know that her mom was being released from the hospital today and they should see her by tonight. Bobby had left to go home to shower, change, and bring some comfy clothes for Athena to go home in. He told him he’d stay with her until he came back.

Glancing over at Athena to find her still sleeping, Michael decided to use the opportunity to get some himself something to drink and some air. Rising from his seat, he left, closing the door softly behind him. He looked left and right in the hallway, seeing if he’d spot him waking the halls. No such luck. He walked towards the elevators and luckily didn’t have to wait long before they opened. He walked in and headed straight for the back wall, placing one hand on the bridge of his nose squeezing his eyes shut tightly and the other on the rail behind him.

“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.” The smooth, deep voice startled him a bit. Michael opened his eyes to find himself face to face with “Hot Doctor” as the elevator doors closed.

Michael sighed and slowly met his eyes before saying, “we do.”

He stepped closer to him and Michael put his other hand on the rail he was leaning against, trying desperately to hide his nervousness. He was probably failing, “you know, I’ve been kicking myself for a couple of days now.” He said to him.

“Oh, why?” Michael licked his lips and gripped the rail a little tighter.

“Well, you see, I met this guy, had this connection with him, well, at least, I thought so.”

“So, what happened?”

“Wouldn’t you know it, I didn’t get his name, and I didn’t even give him mine.”

Michael tried hard to hide his smile, “well, if the connection was there, you know, like you said it was, he just might be kicking himself for the same reasons. Maybe even wanting to apologize for running off without warning before you could get it.” Michael put his hands up, “that’s just me assuming that happened.”

He chuckled lowly, “well wouldn’t you know, that’s exactly what happened. I don’t blame him for it though, it happens. Seems like whatever it was seemed super important.”

“It was, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. Hypothetically speaking of course. You don’t seem like the type of guy someone would just leave hanging like that, you know, unless absolutely necessary.”

“Do I now?” He asked cheekily.

“Yeah, you do.” What was it about this guy that made all of this so easy for him?

“It’s just as well, he probably has someone special at home.”

“No, I don’t think he does.” His smile widened, brightening his entire face.

He held out his hand, “Derek Hale.”

Taking his hand in his, “Michael Grant.” There it was again, that spark. That small shockwave that reverberated throughout his body. Whatever this was, was strong, and Michael liked it.

“It nice to meet you, Michael Grant.”

“You as well, Derek Hale.” Dropping his hand and the facade, he asked, “So, what gave you the impression that I had someone special?”

“I don’t know, guys like you always do. Plus, I saw the look on your face when you answered Bobby’s call, before the bad news part, and-”

“Woah, woah, wait. You thought Bobby was,” Michael couldn’t help but laugh at the thought.

“Love how you find that so funny,” Derek said as he looked away shyly.

“No, no, no, sorry about that,” he recovered, wiping his eyes, “it’s just funny because Bobby is my ex-wife’s husband. The woman I was visiting, the mother of my kids, your patient, the guy that was in there with her.”

He watched Derek eyes widen in recognition, “so that was... oh! I thought Bobby was- so he isn’t your- woo, that’s a relief. And he I was thinking that the guy I couldn’t stop thinking about was in a relationship.”

“The guy you couldn’t stop thinking about?” Michael asked slowly, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Fuck, I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

Before Michael could say anything further., the elevator started to move. Both looked at the other, knowing neither of them had pressed any buttons, and started to laugh. They both decided to shelve the conversation and fell into a comfortable silence as the elevator reached it destination: the first floor lobby.

When the elevator came to a halt, and the door opened, Michael and Derek exited quickly, allowing the other people waiting to get on. As they walked through the lobby, Derek bumped his shoulder and nodded his head to the left, “come with me.”

Michael, unquestioningly, followed him and was lead to a door that only read, “Private”. He watched as Derek pulled his badge from his pocket and swiped it against the adjacent pad. He opened the door into a nice looking lounge area.

Michael whistled, “this is nice.” He looked around, “am I even supposed to be in here?”

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” he winked before getting himself something out of the fridge. He threw one to Michael as well.

“Why’d you bring me here?”

“I knew no one else would be in here around this time and it was the most private place I could think of to continue our conversation.”

“So our conversation requires privacy, huh?”

“Well, didn’t really want to the risk having an audience when I asked you out.” Clear. Direct. Straight to the point.

“Wow, you waste no time.” Michael could feel the pull in the muscles in his cheeks from smiling so much.

“I’ve wasted three days, I think that’s more than enough time.”

“So, you’re saying that you would have asked me out that night, if we weren’t interrupted.”

“Absolutely.” Michael couldn’t help but appreciate the conviction in Derek’s tone.

“Well, Derek, I’d love to go out with you.” Michael fished his phone out of his back pocket, handing it to Derek. Derek, catching on, put his number in the phone and called himself so he’d have Michael’s number as well.

“So what are plans looking like next Friday night?” He asked as he handed Micheal back his phone.

“Can’t say that I have anything going on.”

“How about dinner? Around 7? The really good Italian place on 5th?” Derek asked tentatively.

“It’s a date.” -----

#GiveMichaelABoyfriend2k20 😌

[eijiroukiriot]

After Months of saying i would i’m finally posting about my Kiribaku playlist! I’ve linked it before but I’ve never really gone into what the songs mean to me and how I see them in relation to the boys, and I think the explanations puts things into perspective, so I typed it all out!

This is my main krbk playlist - I also have playlists for Bakugou and Kirishima separately - and this focuses mostly on happier songs (and a few that are so ingrained into how I see them that I had to put them in anyway). I also have an angst-themed krbk playlist and post-breakup playlists for each of them! Really I just. love music and love seeing characters I like in it so this is fun for me 

Spotify Link

song descriptions under the cut!

i typed up all of this after 1 a.m. last night so not only is it very long it’s also somewhat incoherent but these songs mean a lot to me so if you’re down to read it then thank you!!

note: a few of these songs aren’t available on spotify at the moment but they’re so crucial to the Vibe that i’ve still included them here!

i. I Always Knew - The Vaccines

“So let’s go to bed, before we say something real - 

Let’s go to bed, before we say how we feel” 

-this is my Ultimate krbk song, man. the first time i heard it i was walking to class and i just had to stop on the sidewalk and take a Big deep breath. everything abt the lyrics fits them so well - i’ve talked about this before but the verses and prechoruses really capture that “being young and stupid and tiptoeing around your emotions” feeling, then the chorus hits and it just SOARS, and really, has there ever been a sentiment that fits them more than “it’s always been you” 

ii. Fly Me to the Moon/Lucky - Rick Hale

“Fill my heart with song and let me sing forevermore - 

Tell me I’m the lucky one you worship and adore” 

-I have an extreme soft spot for these boys and love songs. and this has been a part of my fic writing playlists for so long that it always makes me think of them. I don’t even have a lot to say by way of lyrics, this is a full atmosphere pick 

iii. If My Heart Was A House - Owl City

“Circle me and the needle moves gracefully back and forth -

If my heart was a compass, you’d be north” 

-boy if this song doesn’t make me think of bkg every time!! it’s the transition from the prechorus into the chorus that gets me - it starts so quiet, like there’s so much love inside of you that you’re still trying to keep down, and then the “bombs away” is the moment when you decide to stop running and just embrace it, and the chorus comes in so loud and strong and so thoroughly in love. call me a sap (spoilers: i do that myself multiple times here) but it really does remind me of what it must be like when bkg just...decides to let himself have this. and then i feel dumb bc this is about anime boys who are like not in love in canon at all but inside the intricate Kiribaku Canon i have built in my head oh yeah this is how bkg falls in love

iv. Knock Three Times - Tony Orlando

“One floor below me, you don’t even know me - I love you” 

-this is just the prime soundtrack for a college AU where kirishima’s dorm is right above bkg’s and he’s in Love with him. And Also, something about the bold retro vibe makes me think of kirishima, but that almost certainly a me thing! still a big bop though 

v. Intergalactic Disco - Interlunium

“So, with stars in our eyes, let’s fly through the glowing galaxies” 

-again, a big sappy atmosphere pick! i really do love the imagery in this one and the storyline of playing things off as just having a good time until it turns out the other person is as deeply in love as you are. it really is just That Song! please stan interlunium

vi. Animal - Neon Trees

“Here we go again, I kinda wanna be more than friends” 

-the ENERGY in this song!! the loud, highkey, driving beat! the vibes of being young and stupid and stumbling through having feelings for someone equally as inexperienced with love as you are! and yet the fact that we KNOW both of them would run full-force with it once they realize they both want it! the lyrics to this one do get a bit spicy but it’s really the high school crush energy in this one that gets me 

vii. If You Wanna - The Vaccines

“I don't want to do things independently, but I can't make you stay -

That's what all the friends I do not like as much as you say...but if you wanna come back it's alright”

-the ENERGY in this SONG!!!! the electric guitar and the chorus so long you think he’ll run out of breath! bkg getting so fed up with being so close to kirishima’s face and not being able to kiss it that he takes the dive and goes for it and then goes to run away until kirishima yells WAIT- IF YOU WANNA COME BACK IT’S ALRIGHT!!!

viii. No One Like You - Best Coast

“Been around this crazy world, but I still wanna be your girl - 

Cause there’s no one like you.” 

-I feel like...if krbk had a cheesy high school romcom, and everything led up to a big dance at the end, and at the very end the camera panned out as they finally caved into each other and went onto the floor to do that slow dance, this would be the song. This is their slow dance 

-seriously like 70% of the lyrics to this song are “there’s no one like you” which is really, once again, just the Pinnacle of krbk 

ix. Idfc - Blackbear

“'Cause I have hella feelings for you -

I act like I don't fucking care, 'cause I'm so fucking scared” 

-the bkg energy in this song...the self doubt and the pining but the deep-seated belief that you don’t deserve this, even though you’re so close, even though he keeps telling you he loves you- but how could he, he has to be lying, and why would you even care, you don’t care about people like this- you never have, until now...oh this song is just DRIPPING in it

x. My Best Friend’s Hot - The Dollyrots

“Won’t you apologize to me, to me, to me? For being such a tease, a tease, a tease” 

-it’s a song about being pissed at your oblivious hot best friend who you have a huge crush on! they might as well have credited the lyrics to bakugou katsuki 

xi. Stay by My Side - Twice

“I can’t hold it back anymore - 

I can’t even believe how much I love you” 

-it’s Cheesy Romance! it’s cheesy romance that’s all this is!!! this one is pure michigan cheese!!!!! 

xii. Love Line - Twice

“With you by my side, I wanna take a shot, take a walk on the love line” 

-again this is a very me pick! this one’s been sitting around on my writing playlists for a long time and i’ve come to really associate it w these Boys. the member who wrote the lyrics has said it was about her first crush and it’s generally about just. being So enamored with someone you can’t stop thinking about them. and i’m a big sap so you know where that goes 

xiii. Maybe (Luck of the Draw) - The Vaccines

“There’s nobody else like you, there’s nobody else like you -

And if there’s nobody else like you, then maybe I want to spend my life with you” 

-this one always sounds to me like krbk growing up, spending late nights both awake in the dimly-lit kitchen of their second apartment, watching the hours tick by on the microwave clock as they just talk and argue and make each other laugh and slowly realizing that this is by no means perfect but there’s no one else they’d rather keep getting old with...i feel like this is another end credits song for them, you know? 

xiv. I’m Totally Obsessed with Him - Matt Fishel

“He’s in my heart, he’s in my lungs - he’s in everything that I touch” 

-matt fishel deserves SO much more than he gets i mean LISTEN to this huge campy gay anthem about being just extremely an unapologetically in love with your big gay boyfriend!!!! i feel bad making pride anthems like this about anime boys but i’m also gay and i’m here to say that the absolute SCALE of this - the explosion of electricity and infatuation and campy guitar in the chorus - this one has BIG kirishima energy. words can’t do it justice just please please listen to this one 

xv. Slayers - Matt Fishel (again lol) 

“We’re in this together, you and I -

Hand in hand, side by side, unbreakable” 

-It’s a song about being in love with someone who you see as your total partner, you rely on each other and protect each other and you’re with each other through everything, and it’s written through the lens of a fantasy story - this one always, always makes me think of the two of them in the fantasy AU, sworn partners for life, able to rise above any challenges in their path, flying into the sunset together after a long day of adventures, so happy that it seems to make the world spin 

-this really may be the most krbk song i’ve ever heard so please listen to it, 

-i played it for my krbk friend once and when he said unbreakable they started screaming

xvi. Hooked On a Feeling - Blue Swede

“I’m high on believing you’re in love with me -

I said, I’m hooked on a FEELING!!!!!”

-picture this: class A crammed into a karaoke room for a party, kirishima standing up in front of the scream and screaming “THIS ONE’S FOR YOU BKG” and belting out the entire thing, slightly off pitch but FULL of spirit, every time ‘girl’ comes up in the lyrics he sings ‘bakugou’ really really fast (‘I CAN’T STOP THIS FEELING, deep inSIIIde of me, bakugouyoujust don’t reallize!!! what you do to me!!!!”) and everyone is whooping and hollering along except bkg who gets so red that nobody can tell if it’s angry embarrassment or in love god just so in love embarrassment 

-it’s hooked on a feeling it has such loud kirishima energy do i have to explain myself here

xvii. Everyday I Love You - ViVi (Loona) 

“If only you liked me - if only you loved me

Like a fool, I think only of you” 

-note 1: stan loona

-note 2: this song is just such a sweet picture of pining!! imagining the stolen glances and ‘hopeless’ crush feeling when (in some AU where they both have. less emotional hangups the first time they meet) they first meet,, i can’t explain it for this one even it just makes me so soft 

xviii. Crush - Weki Meki

“This feeling- like I’m losing, it’s hurting my pride

But I can’t help it, I’m so curious that I’m going crazy” 

-i’m sure you can tell by now that i. Really like kpop but the first time i read the lyrics to this one i lost it! there are really too many lyrics than i can fit here that remind me of how bkg sees kirishima when he first realizes it’s really a crush that’s making him act like this - i really recommend that you take a look at the translation for this one!! it really has it all - being mad at your crush for how they make your heart pound, feeling like it’s hurting your pride, “it’s not like me to be circling around you like this, i’m gonna make a move”, the line about how “i’ll be better to you than anyone else” - seriously, i cannot exaggerate the bkg energy in these lyrics 

xix. Kimi Janakya Dame Mitai - Masayoshi Ohishi

“I want to get to know you more and more - but that kind of line doesn’t really fit me” 

-aaaand here’s a song that radiates EXTREME Kirishima Energy!! everything from the vibrant guitar to the big belted chorus to the lyrics about being, like, confused but absolutely buzzing and just wanting to be with them - it’s loud and bright and awkward but THRILLED about every part of it!!

-it, of course, helps that the title essentially means “it’s gotta be you” 

xx. I Do Adore - Mindy Gledhill

“Everything you do - it sends me higher than the moon” 

-like….is there a more classic song to associate with your favorite stupid pining high schoolers ship 

-don’t get me wrong i KNOW this one is cliche and i KNOW there’s other ships this fits better but i’m soft don’t @ me 

xxi. Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You - Frankie Valli

-legally this song is only Half in the playlist bc spotify likes taking it down and putting it back up at random but after writing fly me i can’t NOT think abt krbk when i hear it. i have no further justification 

-also imagine kirishima being loud and embarrassing and singing this song to bkg all the time

xxii. Television/So Far So Good - Rex Orange County 

“I don't know, no, I don't know what you like,

But if you're looking for something new, I know somebody that you could choose: 

What about me?” 

-what about MEEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEe 

-i think it’s that driving guitar rhythm that makes this one for me. it just sounds so...ready to take on this weird new feeling of knowing how perfectly things could go with someone if you both just took the jump. it sounds very kirishima. 

-the content does start changing as it keeps going but those first few minutes and the RAP VERSE really have such bubbly dumb teenage ‘it’s our first time feeling like this and it might be a little too serious for us but why don’t we take the leap i’m sure it’ll be worth it’ vibes. it really feels like the first “what about me???” in the chorus should be accompanied by kirishima sprinting up to bkg and lifting him up and kissing him because he’s so caught up in this feeling

xxiii. Sweet Talk - Saint Motel

“When you laugh, I forget that it’s about me 

But it’s alright - cause being your punchline still is something” 

-we all know this is a krbk song, everyone knows it’s a krbk song, my non-bnha friend who I annoy constantly w krbk stuff knows this is a krbk song, honestly do I even have to explain why? it contains the line “you could yell ‘piss off, won’t you stay away’ - it’d still be sweet talk to my ears” and we All know how whipped kirishima already is 

xxiv. Into The Storm - Banners

“Through night and dark, through fantasies that fall apart,

Know you're always in my heart, anywhere you go” 

-Unconditional love! Working through the hard times together! and knowing these two, there have been & will be no shortage of hard times to work through. it’s that loyalty and devotion that makes this one. 

xxv. Talk Too Much - COIN

“Stay cool, it’s just a kiss - so, why you gotta be so talkative?” 

-when it comes down to it bkg and kirishima are two idiot 16 year olds who have never been in love before so you know they’re gonna stumble a lot when they first get together. i don’t know how to explain it but i think this really captures that

-also i feel like this is a pretty staple krbk song! i see it on so many playlists

xxvi. If I Tremble - Front Porch Step

“And if I tremble at the sight of you, it’s not because I’m cold -

It’s because I’m staring at the girl I want to love me when I’m old” 

-that idea of the kind of love you want to last forever, knowing the person you want to grow old with...I honestly don’t like this one for them that much anymore but it Did make me cry the first time I thought about it so it gets to stay. tbh when I’m soft enough it still gets me 

xxvii. Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

“You’re the only one worth seeing, the only place worth being -

The only bed worth sleeping is the one right next to you” 

-Saint Motel is just krbk culture at this point, this is another staple krbk song. I mean, the core theme is “I know I’m an asshole but I love you more than anyone” - come ON

xxviii. Wonderful Things - Ryan Corn

“So you say you wanna grab hold - well to hold, you’ve gotta let go

Of the only way you may have ever known” 

-is this song about god? maybe. is it about krbk? Oh absolutely 

-the themes of not knowing what you’d do without the other person in your life, and looking back on the person you were able to become because of them, and that lyric up there always makes me think of Kamino - it’s just all around got the themes and I’m very soft about that

xxix. Bad Enough For You - All Time Low 

“You love to hate me when I'm chasing you, 

And I hate to say this, but I'm stuck on loving you” 

-Okay this is totally 12-year-old me talking here but hear me out: Bakugou being convinced Kirishima could never like him more than this weird half-flirting thing they’ve come to and also being scared that he’d never be good enough for him, but him as he is now is letting them HAVE this half-flirting thing, so...he keeps it up, even though he wishes he could be the one to treat him how he deserves to be treated, but there’s no way he could be Kirishima’s boyfriend anyway so what’s the point in caring (but kirishima loved him the WHOLE TIME!!! they sort things out before long lol)

-also they’re both 16 and emo so. 

xxx. Instead of My Room - Charlie Burg 

“Can't we just put on Ramones? And we'll drive

And I'll kiss you, in my car, instead of my room” 

-if kirishima wrote songs with kaminari and sero during high school, i think they’d sound like this

-the lyrics to this one are just so Fun! it’s goofy and jokey and just having a good time! i can’t make the lyrics line up as much as i’d like them to but it really just sounds like them to me 

xxxi. I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith 

“I don’t wanna close my eyes -

I don’t wanna fall asleep, cause I’d miss you, babe” 

-i have exactly 2 krbk moods and one is “they are stupid. 16 and loud and just so dumb” and the other is “this is Love love, they’re gonna live off this forever” 

-kirishima looking over at bkg fast asleep the night after their wedding and feeling so wholly in love that he cries 

xxxii. Stutter - Marianas Trench

“So here I am - you can take or leave me,

But I won't ever be anywhere but here” 

-If krbk starred in a mid-2000s battle of the bands romcom with a car chase scene this is the song that would play in the trailer (I KNOW that’s crazy specific but that’s the image I always get when I hear this) 

xxxiii. Must Have Done Something Right - Reliant K 

“If anyone could make me a better person, you could -

All I gotta say is I must have done something good” 

-i feel like i’m 13 when i hear this song but it’s really really Them

-really i think the thing that keeps me so invested in krbk is that they’re so involved with each other’s character arcs - they’re constantly making each other better people, each of them is like a missing piece for the other, and they’re both so wrapped up in their own shortcomings that they barely even realize how big of an impact they’re having on the other. but really they would never be the same if they hadn’t met. and that’s the entirety of this song’s content

xxxiv. Deer in the Headlights - Owl City 

“Tell me again, was it love at first sight

When I walked by and you caught my eye?” 

-there is literally nothing in the lyrics that makes me think of them. this one is 100% for the vibe. and also kinda the lyrics in the chorus. like, being taken aback by how suddenly everything is happening but in a very excited and enthusiastic way. things don’t go Smoothly when they confess, persay, but oh man is it memorable (and loud and sweaty and hoarse-throated but never, ever sad) 

xxxv. On and On (About You) - Bowling For Soup 

“Now you can scream about the little things, slap me twice across the face,

Man it would be great if I could buy you flowers every day” 

-this is really middle school me speaking here BUT: 

-krbk don’t exactly work out in high school and end with some big fight but with time they both realize they were wrong and when they finally meet again at a class reunion they both wanna get back together but they’re still arguing and shooting quick remarks at each other but the whole time they’re thinking “man, if i could, i’d buy you flowers every day” 

xxxvi. Mamma Mia - ABBA

-it’s mamma mia. it’s just mamma mia

-it’s also kirishima’s inner monologue every time he thinks he’s finally kicked his crush on bkg and then he sees him for 0.1 seconds and falls right back in 

xxxvii. I Dare You - The Regrettes

“I can't seem to sleep, and I feel my pulse beating

I wanna keep all my control, but you're the one that brings the sun” 

-maybe it just reminds me of the music video song in quote love unquote but the second i heard this song i was like oh yeah that’s kiribaku

-the idea of trying to catch yourself as you feel yourself falling but also choosing to make the jump in the first place! the idea that you’re taking a big chance but things are so much better together that you’re not scared! you’re even pushing yourself forward! it’s truly for them 

xxxviii. I Want to Hold Your Hand - the version from Yesterday

-like, fuck the beatles but it’s a song about hand holding. come on 

xxxix. Love At First Sight - The Brobecks

“Turn the lights off, I’m in love” 

-that lyric has happened in canon. that lyric is the context of why bkg went to bed at 8:32 pm that one time 

-it’s such a sweet mix of being scared about falling in love but also...feeling like the world just got a little brighter, and kinda letting yourself sink into it in reluctant acceptance because it just feels so good? kinda hitting the same notes as If My Heart Was A House. idk the first time i heard this i thought abt the girl i have a crush on so i was like “nope. nope. refocus this to krbk” 

xxxx. Holliday - The Weekend Run Club 

“I'd never been so soaked before

I was drenched in your arms, dancing in your downpour” 

-this was on my discover weekly last week and I put it on here without thinking about it and now I”m really listening to it for the first time and. wow. Wow. 

-you know the scenario i’ve been bringing up this whole time of taking a leap into something awkward and electric that makes you happier than you could imagine? that’s the energy i’m getting from this

-just imagining krbk being out on their first date and it starts pouring so they duck inside and they’re like “well...should we just go back?” and then realize it’s so much more like them to run out into the downpour and get soaked and kirishima’s losing his mind laughing and bkg’s like “what are you so happy about idiot” and kirishima’s just like “i don’t know. i just really like this. i just really like you” and then they’re both kinda floating on air

[cyoza]

adrenaline; part four

Hello guys,

I've been suffering with a bit of writer's block which I'm sure is down to all the reading and lectures I've had to complete at uni but i am back on the grind (somewhat) so here we go!

It's kinda of a filler chapter to sort of moving it along for continuity but i felt it was important to have because I didn't want to be jumping all over the place. And I initially wanted this to be one chapter but it turned out to be way too long altogether (in my eyes for how uneventful it is) so I've just got some fact checking to do and I should be uploading another chapter tomorrow (hopefully) to move it along.

So that's it! Sorry for the long note but I thought some clarification would be good!

As always, show some love if you love. Thank you!

part one 

part two 

part three 

part five 

part six 

*******************************************************************************************

‘Tell us again, what happened?’

Jason gave Kory an exasperated sigh. He leaned back on the sofa in the living room and crossed his arms behind his head, looking every bit as tired as everyone felt. It had been about a week since the ordeal with Deathstroke. It seemed the event had triggered him back into hiding meaning that things had settled down on that front, at least for now. However, the same thing couldn’t be said for things back at the tower thanks to the new addition to the, as Dick had called it, ‘family.’

‘Like I said already, about a billion times. I was out for a walk and minding my own business. Next thing I know, I hear this lady screaming. So I go to check it out and some asshole is mugging her. Being Robin and all, I couldn’t not help her so I went to do just that. But then outta nowhere, mugger guy flies across the alley and Superboy here is standing in his place. He fights the guy and gets her purse back so problem solved and none of it is my business anymore. I go to walk away but then there’s gunshots and Superboy falls down so I call you guys and you know the story from there.’

Contrary to Jason’s words, this was only his third time relaying the tale, each time with a different group of people but hopefully this was last as everyone was present for the recounting. ‘Superboy’ as he’d so eloquently named him due to the dark Superman logo t-shirt he was wearing, lay in the infirmary with two bullet wounds and an infection none of them could identify. They were at a loss and it seemed like their patient was only getting worse which wasn’t at all helping the levels of tension in the tower. Everyone was growing more frustrated with not only the situation but with each other by the minute.

‘I don’t understand, we couldn’t even get a needle to pierce his skin so we could get his IV into him- how did he get shot?’ Dick mused, running a rough hand through his hair.

‘I don’t know man, I’m just telling you what I heard.’ Jason’s laidback position on the sofa stiffened, his eyes flashing like he was suddenly on guard. It was of no surprise to anyone that he was still on edge over what happened to him, being more reserved than ever and frequently disappearing for hours at a time to walk alone in the city. So it was almost predictable that something was going to happen with him. But, no one could have predicted that it was going to be this.

‘I know and I’m not trying to dispute what you’re saying. It just doesn’t make any sense.’ He exhaled a sharp breath, folding his arms.

The sudden high pitched screech of the security breach alarm reverberated around the room, capturing everyone’s attention. Dick reacted, first running to the intercom screen located at the front door to see a woman and what appeared to be a dog. Her body language didn’t seem dangerous but instead anxious, constantly moving her mousy hair back and shifting from one foot to the other.

‘Who are you? State your business.’ Dick spoke calmly but strongly; no matter how little of a threat she seemed, the protection of the team was paramount.

‘My name is Eve, I was brought here by my dog. I think you have my son Conner here. Please, let me in. I need to know if he’s okay.’

******************************************************************************************************

Conner Kent’s history was as big of a mindfuck as Kory’s. Yet everyone had adopted him with open arms anyway, another alien addition to the team - why not? And this was only made possible through Kory who had again saved another life. Unsurprisingly, she brushed it away as if it were nothing seeming to just add it to the tally of people alive thanks to her.

Still, Dick often wondered where they would all be without her. Definitely worse off than they were now.

In the few weeks since she had healed him, Kory and Conner had bonded in the ambiguity of their identity. Kory had told him on various occasions of how Conner reminded her of herself - being new to his powers, confused about his identity, unsure about his place on earth. But Dick had a feeling it went deeper than he knew, that they connected on a level that he was unaware of and he was lying if he said it didn’t fill him with a sick sense of insidious jealousy.

So there he sat in his office, thinking of that rather than the tactics of a possible Slade attack. He thought of all the times that he’d sought her out only to find her with Conner and have her brush him off to hang out with him. It was utterly ridiculous but he reminded him of everything Dick wished he was; he was soft and stable despite hardship, he didn’t have a shadow of darkness that clinging to him but instead existed on pure light - just like Kory.

It wouldn’t be so crazy to suggest that they would make a perfect fit.

He felt a particular spark of vexation when he remembered one specific evening where Kory had insisted they take the night off and had taken them to the sports bar on the corner of their street. He remembered how close Conner and her been together as he held her bag when she’d leaned over to take her shot. The striking red of her dress slipping away to show the alluring mahogany of her skin underneath, her hip pressing against his leg. He thought he was going to explode with anger and clock Conner right in the face but he held himself back on account of knowing how redundant that would be and the shitstorm he knew would cause after as a result. So he could do nothing but stew in his own futile anger until further notice.

‘Hey, how’s it going in here? How are the plans going?’

Kory sauntered into the room without knocking and settled herself on the edge of his desk, effectively obstructing his access to the keyboard of his computer. She flashed him a small smile as he looked up at her and he felt all the aggravation dissipate from his body, revelling in her proximity.

‘They’re going. I just hit a uh, mental snag.’ He admitted, not technically lying.

‘Well then, I guess, this might be a good a time as ever to do this then.’

‘Do what?’ Dick felt his heartbeat leap into a rapid pace, his mind conjuring multiple possibilities of what she could possibly say next; all of them awful.

‘Dick, look, uh listen, I have to go back to Tamaran.’

His blank expression had Kory’s heart sinking to her stomach. She hadn’t necessarily meant to catch him off guard but with the hurried pace of his blinking, she knew without a doubt that she had. She’d hoped with how absent she had been the past few weeks that he would notice her distance and either assume that was something was wrong and bring it up or at the very least be prepared for her to bring up a difficult conversation. But it didn’t seem as though either was happening.

‘Kory. what the fuck are you talking about? We need you here!’

‘You guys don’t need me, Dick, now that Connor’s here at least. It would be beneficial to have me but you don’t need me here.’ She let out and sad sigh and continued. ‘I have ordered some light therapy lamps with solar panels as the source. I researched them and they’re very good for something called Seasonal Affective Disorder but I figured they would help with Connor’s healing, on account of the solar energy. We’ve already tested it to know it’ll work so there’s nothing to worry about on that front.’

‘Oh Of course, super fantastic Conner, of course we can count on him to save the day! Come on, Kory! He’s just a kid!’ He scoffed.

‘What are you talking about? He’s not just a kid! Not to mention he has a multitude of powers and Slade doesn’t know about him. If anything he is your best bet at defeating him, especially with the way you’ve been training him these past couple of weeks.’

The more she spoke, the more Dick’s mouth flapped open and closed, clearly wanting to comment but knowing where to begin processing the information. The gradual scarlet highlight of his cheeks and ears let her know that this was going to be way harder than expected. So she continued speaking, hoping to get him breathing again and prevent whatever infarction was going to happen from his lack thereof.

‘Look, it would only be a maximum of a couple of weeks seeing as it doesn’t take very long to get to Tamaran from Earth, now my ship’s repaired. I’ll just go home and clear this whole situation up. Which shouldn’t be hard considering... I...am...royalty.’ Kory spoke the last word as if she didn’t at all want to, a hint of resentment coating it.

If she thought Dick’s reaction before was alarming, it had nothing on the spread of alabaster across his face at that moment .

‘Y-Wh-? Royalty? W-what you mean?’ He spluttered.

‘What else can you take from that? It is exactly what is says on the tin. I am Princess Koriand’r, next in line to the throne of Tamaran. So I need to go back and make sure that part of my past doesn’t come back to haunt us. Especially when we’re already in such a difficult position.’ Kory followed on but her reassurance seemed worthless because Dick looked on the verge keeling over.

‘Kory, I don’t like this. Please, please don’t do this. Please don’t leave me now. Don’t leave us now.’ He pleaded, leaning forward in his chair to grasp her thighs, desperation seeping through every cell of his being.

But Kory just clasped his head in her hands, pressing her lips to his quickly but gently before stroking her thumb across his jawline, a look of resolve on her face.

A look that said there was no changing her mind and he knew it.

Yet, there was a feeling of deep uneasiness in his stomach that if she left now, she wouldn’t come back to him. With his history, it was difficult to trust his gut instinct but this time, it felt so very real. The feeling of discomfort came with something deeper, not necessarily bad but definitely scarier. On some level he knew what it was and that he had felt it before a long time ago but he wasn’t prepared to address now, precisely when he could be losing her.

‘I’m sorry Dick.’ She whispered. ‘I have to do this. There are over 7 billion people on this planet and they could possibly die because of my actions -or lack there of- I can’t let that happen. I’m leaving in the morning and I’d really like it if you would say goodbye but I’d understand if you didn't.’

She let him go abruptly and stood towering over him, looking every bit the Princess she was. She gave him one last longing gaze before turning and Dick could do nothing but watch as she walked away from him, feeling his heart break a little more with every click of her heel.

As if she was stepping on his heart with each stride, cracking it further each time.

[septic-dr-schneep]

JSE Fanfiction - In Time of Need (Part 17: Interim)

Summary: Unaware of what’s continuing at home, Chase becomes increasingly restless as he recovers from his surgery. Soon enough he receives a visit that will hopefully serve well to distract him.

Chase had always considered himself a good patient. He wasn’t like Schneep, who would grumble at his caretaker that they weren’t doing it right and he could take care of himself, and he wasn’t like Marvin, who was constantly looking at the clock to see when he could make a break for it. He wasn’t like Jameson, who felt guilty for causing a fuss, or like Jackieboy, who—

Well, at this point Jackie’s a better patient than I am…He’s somewhere in this hospital, just…lying there.

It went against everything in Jackieboy’s nature. As soon as he was patched up, he would try to leap off the exam table and go on patrol as if nothing had ever happened. He’d never been able to sit still when it came to healing. Perhaps that was still the case; he wasn’t healing right now. He was in tandem.

The point was that Chase had always been well aware of his limits. He knew what would stress him enough to hurt and what he could take. There had been a time when he didn’t care, when he had wanted the pain just to break through the numbness, but this wasn’t that time. Therefore Chase had stayed prostrate in his hospital bed for the past several hours. He’d hardly moved enough to wrinkle the blankets and yet he still found himself exhausted, as if he’d just finished a twelve-hour day of filming stunts.

Even if he’d been up and about, he wouldn’t have been filming; he’d put up a notice on the Bro Average channel almost five months ago that he was going on hiatus because of a serious family emergency.

“I…honestly don’t know when I’ll be back,” he’d admitted, scrubbing at his sore, tender, sleep-deprived eyes. “Hopefully by the end of this…I don’t know, maybe by the end of this year. Thanks, all of you, for understanding. Family comes first, y’know?”

Given his history with family, given what his viewers had watched him do for family, they were more than willing to let him have a reprieve. The stream of concerned comments had eased up as the weeks grew longer but there was always that sense of anticipation there. He knew they would be there waiting for him, no matter how long it took, and for that he was grateful. Hopefully he wouldn’t get too out of practice and lose his touch.

These thoughts were among the many he used to occupy himself as he whiled away hours upon hours of nothingness, resignedly drifting between sleep and a periodic staring contest with the ceiling. The ceiling always won.

Sometimes he would do his best to make conversation with Dr. Iplier and the Host, but he wasn’t close or knowledgeable about either of them so he eventually ran out of topics they might have in common. Neither of them were naturally talkative anyway, which only made it harder. The only entertainment Chase got during the day was when the nurses would come to check on him and even that was short-lived.

As the last nurse eased the door shut behind her, Chase leaned his head carefully back against the pillows and sighed deeply.

“Dude, can you grab my phone and see if any of the others have—?”

“They haven’t, Chase,” Dr. Iplier assured him, shuffling through the papers on the clipboard he was engrossed in. “I just checked twenty minutes ago.”

“Well, it’s on vibrate! Maybe we didn’t hear it! I just wanna know if they’re—”

“As impatience mounts within the Septic Ego, he recalls that he hasn’t taken a nap in almost an hour,” the Host cut in pointedly. “As much as he wishes he could continue to fidget and inquire, he finds that it will do him no good and that he should rest if he wants to leave the hospital sooner. The less time he spends awake, the less he will be aware of the time passing.”

Pouting, Chase hunkered down a little lower in his bed and mumbled, “You’re cheap.”

Before he could take the suggestion and close his eyes, however, the phone near Dr. Iplier’s elbow did vibrate. Perking up, he glanced at it in vague surprise and a haughty grin spread across Chase’s face.

“Well, would you look at that? Somebody’s calling! What’s the ID? ‘My Drug Dealer?’ ‘I’m A Kitty Cat?’ ‘Brainy Bub?’”

“None of them,” Dr. Iplier replied, raising an eyebrow at Chase’s phone screen. “It just says ‘Her’.”

At that Chase’s smile faltered, eyes widening as slow realization trickled into his brain. “Oh, no…Oh, no, I was supposed to…Give me that, doc, let me see—”

As soon as the doctor handed him the phone, Chase felt as if it weighed three pounds heavier than usual underneath the tangible frustration and anger conveyed through the text glaring back at him.

>The kids and I are at your house. Where are you? I’ve been ringing for five straight minutes. Don’t tell me you went out and forgot about them.

Cursing under his breath, Chase hurriedly swiped at the keys, wincing as he was forced to pull against the IV lead in his arm.

<Had an emergency, I’m at the hospital. Needed surgery.

>What? What kind of emergency? What kind of surgery?

<Doesn’t matter. Could you bring them here? I still want to see them!

>Are you sure the doctors will allow that?

<YOU’RE MY FAMILY.

As soon as he clicked “send” on that one, Chase knew he had made a mistake. He could almost sense Stacy on the other end, staring at those three words with skepticism and mistrust. His eyes lingered on them just as long, filled with longing, desperation, pleading. At long last, he could see her typing.

>Elvery Heights West General, right? What’s your room number?

Falling back against the pillows, he exhaled slowly and mouthed a silent thank-you, sending the proper information and then glancing back and forth between his companions.

“Okay, sorry to spring this on you, but I was supposed to have the kids today. They’re on their way here instead.”

“Oh.” Flipping the papers on his clipboard shut, Dr. Iplier promptly rose from his seat, brushing down his coat. “In that case, I’ll be excusing myself now. I’m not good with kids; they always end up crying when I’m around. Host?”

“The Host isn’t particularly adept with them either, but he would like to remind the doctor that they are meant to be protecting Chase Brody should anything arise.”

“Then you’re staying?” At the Host’s brusque nod, the doctor waved a hand dismissively. “Alright, then, do what you want. Just don’t let them start pulling on your bandages or anything; you almost ruptured a blood vessel when you took them off during the fight and I don’t think it’d make for good times if they ended up covered in blood.”

Chase visibly flinched at the thought and for half a second the doctor looked as if he may regret saying it, but he didn’t apologize. As the door slid shut behind him, the Host apologized on his behalf.

“The doctor has always maintained a noticeable lack of a bedside manner.”

“Yeah, no kidding…” Picking at some loose string on his sheets, Chase squirmed, discomfort striking a more prominent ache in his head. “Host…uh, my family’s kinda…well, I just don’t want you to be weirded out if my wife—my ex-wife and I are—”

“Chase need not worry; the Host is well aware of his marital status.”

“You are? How?”

At that the Host simply tilted his head, folding his hands primly in his lap. “There is very little that escapes him.”

Then did it escape him how unsettling he was being or was he doing it to toy with him? Chase wondered uneasily. He didn’t bother to ask; he had a feeling that whatever the Host might say in response would only compound the issue.

As soon as he heard their voices outside the door, the vlogger pushed himself up in his bed as far as he could, trying to plaster a smile on his face. His kids didn’t need to know what had happened. They didn’t need to know everything that was weighing on his mind or causing him pain; they just needed to see their daddy smiling. The Host straightened in his chair in the corner and while he didn’t smile—did he ever?—he did seem much more attentive, even expectant.

“Here we are,” Stacy announced as she eased the door open, letting Connor and Brianna shuffle into the room.

“Hey there! Come give me a hug, would you?” Chase urged cheerfully, extending the arm that wasn’t hindered by the IV.

As soon as they saw their dad was upright and alert, in contrast to whatever they may have imagined, the kids lit up, rushing over to latch onto him. Their warmth, their familiar smell, their little hands entwining with his…It never stopped being precious.

“We missed you, Dad!” Brianna exclaimed, wrapping herself tightly around his forearm and rocking back and forth with it.

“Mama wanted to give up, she wanted to take us back to her house but I told her to keep ringing the doorbell, no matter how long it took!” Connor piped up eagerly, tugging on his fingers. “I knew you’d want to see us!”

“Oh, I always want to see you, little man…I’m sorry I wasn’t at the house,” Chase murmured kindly, casting a fleeting glance up at Stacy, who stood at the foot of the bed and hadn’t said a word of greeting.

There hadn’t been an actual face-to-face greeting between them for about nine months—no, nine months exactly. She had known something was seriously wrong with him and the others after Schneep had been abducted, so whenever they had to see each other, she opted to skip pleasantries and get right down to business. The same rang true here. Even as her eyes asked, What happened to you? her mind purposely glossed over the explanation.

“How are you feeling?” she asked evenly, loosely folding her arms against her chest—closing herself off from him. He forced his smile to remain despite it.

“Better than I was. It’s been a long week,” he confessed honestly. “I should be out of here tomorrow, if there aren’t any complications.”

“What happened?” Brianna asked at the same time Connor happened to glance into the corner and notice the other man in the room, holding Chase’s hand protectively in front of him as he demanded, “Who’s that?”

“Oh, that’s a—friend of mine.” Hopefully no one noticed Chase’s hesitation. “He’s called the Host. He’s been keeping me company, making sure I’m okay.”

“The Host is happy to inform them that their father has been very well cared for,” the Iplier Ego assured them, his tone strictly neutral but a shade lighter than its usual monotone. Brianna wrinkled her nose unsurely at that, peeking up at her dad.

“Why does he talk like that?” she whispered.

“Don’t be rude,” Chase scolded lightly, ruffling her silky blond hair. “That’s just how he likes to talk.” Come to think of it, he didn’t know if the Host could talk in first person.

Now that he had been reassured that this was a friend, Connor had broken away from Chase and was peering with wide eyes up at the Host, fiddling with his hands. “Do you—Do you wanna see a magic trick, Mr. Host?” he ventured hopefully. “I’ve been practicing one and I wanted to show Daddy when we came so can I show you too?”

“You don’t have to say yes, it’s just a silly trick he does with a calculator,” Stacy cut in, a little embarrassed.

“On the contrary, the Host is quite interested,” he countered, to which she stifled a sigh as Connor scurried to her side and pulled on the clasp to her purse until she fished the calculator out for him.

“See, see, I can make the calculator talk to you when you turn it upside down!” he exclaimed, hurriedly punching in numbers and then thrusting it out for the Host to see. He shrank back only a little as the Host rose from his chair and he noticed how large the man was, but the hand the Host extended to hold the device was kind. As he read it, he chuckled lightly.

“The Host bids the calculator hello in return,” he offered.

Pleased that he was playing along, Connor beamed, snatching the calculator back and typing a second time as he bragged, “I can get it to say your name too! It’s really easy!”

At that the Host raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical, but as he watched him wait patiently as Connor fiddled with it, Chase couldn’t help but feel a warm surge of gratitude. He said he wasn’t good with kids…Or maybe he doesn’t need to be if kids are good with him.

“Here!”

After a pause, the Host cleared his throat, announcing in a tone that was measured to be somewhat gentle, “The Host is sorry to break it to the master magician, but that combination of numbers spells ‘HOSE.’”

“What?!” Scandalized, Connor took a second look and glowered, pouting, “Well, maybe you’ve been spelling your name wrong all this time.” The Host bit his lower lip at that, clearly trying to hide a smile, and the little boy took his toy back, returning his attention to Chase as the Host returned to his chair. “Daddy, this one’s for you!”

“It’s a really good one,” Brianna promised. “He showed me earlier.”

“Well, then I’m looking forward to it,” Chase mused, scanning the numbers for a few moments before turning it around. He promptly burst out laughing, the sound causing a ringing pain in his own ears that he completely ignored. “You figured out how to say ‘BOSS’ with numbers?”

“Isn’t it the best?!” Connor burst out, nearly hopping up and down in his excitement. “I did it all on my own and I knew you’d like it! I knew you would! I wanna show your friend Mr. Jack. Do you think he’d like it?”

At that Chase’s laughter waned, his attention falling back to the calculator screen. He could already picture the smile Jack would give if he could see it, the one that always lit the entire room and filled everyone around him with warmth.

“Well, Jack is…He’s been really, really busy lately,” he managed at length. “I’ll see when we can get together and you can show him, okay? Hopefully we can do that soon.”

As Connor nodded and took the calculator back, chattering with his sister about how much he would practice until then, Chase found his thoughts straying. Now that he’d been reminded of what lay waiting for him at home, he felt even more trapped in this bed than before.

[paladinsuho-moved]

stay with me [chanbaek]

summary: when byun baekhyun wakes up in the ER and can’t remember anything about the car crash, or the man who was driving, who is apparently his husband, he braces himself feel pity for the man, one park chanyeol. it comes as quite a surprise to him and everyone involved when chanyeol wakes up and doesn’t remember him either.

ship: chanbaek (park chanyeol x byun baekhyun)

genre: ANGST, fluff

warnings: minor language, minor medical procedures, hospitals, my bad attempts at humor.

word count: 3.3k

a/n: i’ve been wanting to write this since,, january. and i just finished this like, twenty minutes ago. this is going to be a more baekhyun-centric fic, as you can see in this first chapter, but there will be chapters focused on chanyeol. this fic is my baby (do i not say that about all of my other fics tho?), so please, i hope you guys enjoy (and also enjoy my girlfriends’ appearance in this, amber and krystal from f(x)) ;-; happy suffering! also, the part about crime shows being the only thing to watch at the hospital comes from personal experience, i know what i’m talking about.

masterlist

chapter one: my name is byun baekhyun

“What do you remember?”

He remembers feeling angry. An argument, but not what he was saying. The car, soft pop music from the radio almost taunting him with its chipper melodies. Sitting in shotgun, when lights come into sight, blinding him. The impact, his senses kicking into overdrive as the car hits his. And next to him, in the driver’s seat…

“A man. Th-there was a man with me.”

The nurse and the doctor exchange a look, before looking back to him. He feels uncomfortable, as if he’s a science project being poked and prodded at -- he hopes this ends soon. He wants to go back to sleep, even though he’d been unconscious ten minutes ago.

“What’s your name, sir?” Doctor Liu’s voice is monotonous, lifting her clipboard and looking at some documents, papers that he can’t see. He searches his mind for a moment, eyes darting here and there as he ponders the answer.

“B-Baekhyun. My name is Byun Baekhyun.”

The nurse eyes the documents the doctor is looking at, then nods. “Good. You remember that much. How old are you, Mr. Byun?”

He bites his lip, racking his brain for an answer. He remembers being 21, but he doesn’t feel 21. And judging by what appears to be the wedding ring on his left hand, he’s definitely not 21.

“I… I can’t remember.”

Once more, to Baekhyun’s dismay, the nurse and the doctor exchange glances once more. He sighs in slight desperation, wondering when they’ll just get to the point. “W-what’s wrong with me, doctor?”

The doctor looks over to Baekhyun, and sighs at the look on his face. “Mr. Byun, what do you remember about the man who was with you in the car?”

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, before clenching his jaw so hard that he can feel the way his teeth grind together, like gears that don’t fit well with each other. He can’t find a face, or a voice, or a name of the mystery man driving the car. The only thing he’s sure of is that he must’ve been very angry, too angry, to start yelling.

“I can’t remember anything, I’m sorry.”

The doctor nods firmly, before pulling the nurse to the side to speak for a while. He fiddles nervously with his fingers, staring at his right leg, which is stuck in a cast whiter than the stark bright lights of the hospital room, the ones that greeted him when he first woke up, the ones that made him wonder if he was dead.  

He catches a few words here and there, but doesn’t strain his ears to listen -- he doesn’t really care. He’s still in shock, asking himself why he doesn’t remember anything, even though deep down, he knows the answer. He’s seen that movie with Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams, he’s not stupid. Amnesia.

Ironically, as he silently asks himself how old he is, racking his brain for any trace of a memory of his last birthday, he can’t come up with anything other than the lyrics to that stupid Blink 182 song. He rolls his eyes at himself, before lying back down, shutting his eyes and trying to shut out everything else around him.

“Mr. Byun?” The nurse asks less than a minute later, now having finished her exchange with the doctor. He perks up, eyes opening and beginning to sit up. “Yes?”

The nurse walks towards his IV and begins to ensure that everything is in check, and Baekhyun winces at the slight discomfort as the needle under his skin moves slightly as the tube connected to it is tampered with.

“Mr. Byun, if you truly can’t remember the accident, your age and the man in the car with you, then, my diagnosis would have to be post-traumatic amnesia, along with physical damage -- three bruised ribs, a concussion, and a broken leg.” Doctor Liu’s voice is firm; non accusatory yet stern.

Baekhyun nods, furrowing his eyebrows as the official diagnosis sets in. “H-how long was I unconscious, exactly?”  

At this, the doctor scratches the back of her head, before glancing at her papers once more. “According to this… Sixteen hours. You should feel lucky that you’re awake, Mr. Park is still unconscious, and with the damage he’s sustained, we’re unsure if he’ll wake up at all--”

“Mr. Park?” Baekhyun can’t help but interrupt, the mention of a new name, and the curiosity inside him wonders if this was the man driving the car, the one he’d been arguing with.

“Oh, yes -- sorry about that. The man who was with you, driving the car. He received most of the trauma, given the fact that he was in the side of the car where the truck crashed into it. His name is Park Chanyeol, and according to these files, and the visitors you’ve had… Well, he’s your husband.”

Husband? Baekhyun thinks, furrowing his eyebrows, Wait, I’m gay? That’s so… Actually… That’s not surprising. Like, at all.

Still, he can’t deny the cold feeling washing down his spine as he sits up from the hospital bed, like when the wind blows at you while you’re walking through the rain, and the wetness makes it worse.

“Wait, so… h-how is he? Chanyeol.”

Doctor Liu purses her lips and exhales sharply through her nose, as if she doesn’t want to share the information. For a moment, she tilts her head back and forth, weighing the consequences.

Baekhyun bites his lip nervously, and a twinge of involuntary guilt blooms in the middle of his chest -- what will happen when this man wakes up, and Baekhyun has no idea who he is?

Doctor Liu eventually lifts the papers on her clipboard to check her facts before reporting back to Baekhyun. Quietly, gently, trying to sugar-coat the damage.

“He's… he’s not good. Two broken ribs, a broken wrist, a concussion.”

Baekhyun winces at the news, before shaking his head and clasping his hands together in hopes that they don't start shaking. He takes a deep, shaky breath before gathering the courage to speak again.

“But he's not awake? I can't go to see him, or anything—”

“You're still supposed to stay in bed, Mr. Byun, because of your leg,” Nurse Krystal reminds him, “And even if you could, Mr. Park hasn't woken up since the accident. He's not in critical condition anymore, but—”

“Krystal,” Doctor Liu interjects through somewhat gritted teeth, “This is obviously overwhelming information, for someone who just woke up himself. Let's give him a while to process this before we tell him the whole story. Unless, that's what you want, Mr. Byun—”

“N-no, please.” Baekhyun doesn't look at either of them, staring straight ahead at the dull bluish gray wall of the hospital room, “I’d rather not do this right now. I’d like to rest, if that's alright.”

Doctor Liu nods, and so does Nurse Krystal, eyes showing a slight amount of remorse and guilt. The nurse explains that the button behind him on the wall will notify her or any other nurse on duty. He nods once, indicating understanding, and with that, the pair take their leave.

When the door finally closes, he realizes he'd been holding his breath. Baekhyun runs a hand through his hair, shutting his eyes for a minute, taking everything in.

My name is Byun Baekhyun. I was in a car accident. I have amnesia. I'm gay, but that’s honestly not much of a surprise. I'm married. My husband still hasn't woken up.

My husband's name is Park Chanyeol. I don't remember anything about him.

His eyes open, slowly, as his gaze curiously glances down to find the wedding ring on his left hand. Clenching his jaw, he quickly removes it to inspect it more closely.

He cradles it gently, as though it's made of  glass. It's nothing too flashy, silver and gold sandwiched together to meet in the middle. On the inside, he catches an engraving, and he brings it closer to his eyes, closing one of them and squinting in order to read the tiny text.

To Baek, from here to the stars.

He sets it down on the small table for a moment, before realizing he could lose it, and half a second later, despite feeling his skin crawl he puts it back on.

His skin doesn't crawl because he woke up married to someone he couldn't remember. That happens to the average person after a wild weekend in Vegas. His skin crawls because it feels wrong to be here, wearing the ring.

He feels like an impostor who's taking the place of someone else. He doesn't… he doesn't know this man, this Park Chanyeol. He's not sure if he'd love Park Chanyeol if he woke up and barged into his hospital room claiming to know and love him.

Because he had a feeling that, in the best case scenario, Park Chanyeol had loved a Byun Baekhyun—but not the Byun Baekhyun that was currently in charge of steering the sinking ship. It's a horrible way to think, but it was the truth. The ugly truth, yes, but still the truth.

A knock on the door jolts him back to reality, and half a second later he’s glancing up to see the door opening, and to his relief, it’s finally a familiar face. Two faces, actually, as his best friends, Minseok and Jongdae enter the room.

Jongdae’s expression is slightly happier than Minseok’s, and as Jongdae closes the room, they exchange a brief look. As they make their way towards Baekhyun, he manages to crack a small smile.

“Hey.” It’s the only thing he can manage to say without breaking down completely. He feels like he’s just jumped off of a plane, and his parachute isn’t working. He’s falling, falling, and there’s nothing to slow down his momentum.

“Hey, Baek.” Minseok’s response is quiet, and while he manages a smile, he still sounds grim. “How’re you doing?”

He shrugs, tongue lying heavy in his mouth. “I’ve been better. I don’t… I don’t remember anything.”

Once again, the pair in front of him exchange looks, before looking back to him. Jongdae puts his hand on the small railing of his hospital bed, and leans against it, careful not to let it roll around too much.

“Nothing? Nothing at all?”

Baekhyun shakes his head, furrowing his eyebrows. He holds up his left hand shakily, showing off the ring. “Do you have any idea just how terrifying this is? I’m married, for fuck’s sake.”

Jongdae’s face flashes in a somewhat sympathetic expression, and Baekhyun runs a hand through his hair, desperate. “Doctor Liu told us everything. I’m sorry, Baek. We’ve been here since yesterday, if it makes you feel any better. Waiting for you to wake up.”

“How long have I been married to this guy? Chanyeol?” Baekhyun bites his lip nervously, exhaling through his nostrils.

Jongdae opens his mouth to speak, raising a hand, but Minseok cuts him off, nodding his head back and forth as he speaks. “It’s going to be four years next may.”

“And how long have I known him?”

Minseok pauses for a moment, looking to Jongdae for a moment, before back to Baekhyun. Baekhyun notices something in Jongdae’s eyes for a brief second, but it’s gone before he can tell what. “Well, you guys met that night we had that big party at my house... That was a few weeks before your college graduation, so that would make it six years now.”

Baekhyun nods, face still scrunched up at the information. He’s staring at his lap, processing what Minseok just told him. If his math is correct, and he’d known Park Chanyeol for six years, then he’s most likely 27. The room falls silent for a few moments, before Jongdae finally sighs, before speaks.

“You guys really love each other, if it makes you feel any better. He takes good care of you, just like you take care of him, you know?”

Baekhyun’s smile is sad, and once more, he looks down at the ring on his finger. “I just… I don’t want to know how he’ll react when he wakes up. I don’t remember him, but I also don’t want him to hurt, you know?”

Minseok puts his hand on Baekhyun’s back, giving him a few rough pats. “It’ll be hard on him, probably. But he’s pretty optimistic, and if I’m right, he won’t give up on you. He loves you too much.”

“And besides,” Jongdae interjects, “Yeol’s a big boy, he can handle you.”

“Figuratively, and literally. He’s tall as hell. And if what I remember from you being drunk a few years ago is true… He’s a big boy, if you know what I mean.” Minseok smirks, trying to lighten the mood, wiggling his eyebrows before both Jongdae and Baekhyun smack him, Baekhyun snorting.

“Shut up, hyung,” Baekhyun and Jongdae say in unison, before turning to quietly laugh at each other.

Once the laughter bubbles down, Baekhyun smiles at both of them, tilting his head. “Thanks for being here, guys. I don’t know what I’d do if I were alone by myself.”

“We’ll always be here to help,” Minseok replies, “We weren’t going to just leave you here.”

Baekhyun’s smile grows, and Jongdae ruffles his hair. “I mean, the only reason you were alone when you woke up was because we were hungry as hell, and the bibimbap they have here is great, but at least we're here now.”

“Jongdae?”

“Yes, Baek?”

“Shut up.”

The days pass slowly, Minseok and Jongdae taking turns so that he wouldn't be alone, except at night, when they went back to their homes to sleep.

Minseok and Jongdae have helped to fill in some, but not all, of the gaps as the days pass. He's 28, he's a preschool teacher, Chanyeol works an office job, and up until now, the only child they've had is their cat, Asshole. He's still not sure if Jongdae was kidding or not when he told him the cat’s name.

His memories still haven't come back, and a little voice at the back of his mind asks if they ever will.

His days were occupied by Minseok’s fussing, Jongdae’s bad jokes, Doctor Liu’s check-ups, bland, unseasoned lunches and dinners, reruns of Law and Order: SVU on the television, failed attempts to stick a straw into his leg cast to scratch at any itch he gets. And, of course, thoughts of Park Chanyeol.

He asks, at one point on the third day, if he can visit him, to which Doctor Liu denies him, saying she didn't want him to get stressed.

He's definitely not dumb. He knows that if Chanyeol still hasn't woken up after this long, that something is wrong, and if he was, at one point, emotionally involved with him, he at least wants to see him, just to see what he looks like. He would've looked through his phone to find a picture, but it was destroyed in the accident.

It's on the eighth day after he wakes up that Baekhyun finally catches a break, and Doctor Liu tells him he's responsive, but not fully awake.

“We think he’ll be fully awake and responsive by tomorrow,” Doctor Liu explains during her daily check-up, “You're doing much better, would you like to see him then?”

Baekhyun contemplates the offer for a moment, before nodding. “Might as well get it over with,” He answers, and Doctor Liu nods with a small smile.

When Minseok comes back and he explains what she'd told Baekhyun, he nods and smiles at the news.

“That's good, man, that's good. You'll be fine. I know you will.”

He can’t sleep that night. He’s too restless, too impatient, too scared. The man he’s meeting in a few hours is his husband, but he still can’t remember a thing. And that terrifies him.

The way his memories can’t remember anything about him make him want to keep Park Chanyeol at a cold, clinical distance, barely within arm’s reach.

But the way Minseok and Jongdae have been filling his empty head with stories of the man who gave him the ring that, for some reason, he refuses to take off, makes him doubt. They’d said Chanyeol would be willing to wait for him. But what if he didn’t?

To wake up in a world where the one you loved has been replaced by someone who wants nothing to do with you, now that is the most terrifying thought indeed.

He sits impatiently the entire morning, he barely even manages to down his morning coffee. The reruns of Law and Order: SVU that play on the TV manage to calm him down, but it can only do so much. Neither Jongdae nor Minseok are with him, finally being called back to their respective jobs. By the time Doctor Liu comes around, he’s practically bouncing off the walls.

“Good morning, Baekhyun.” Her voice is warm, calming, her tone motherly. He smiles, nodding.

“Sleep well?” She asks, and he drops the smile, shaking his head. “I barely slept. I’m terrified, Doc.”

She nods, understandingly. “It can be a bit overwhelming. But I’m sure you’ll be fine. I haven’t gone in to see him yet -- but I assume he’s asking about you already. It’ll be fine, they’ve probably told him about your condition, so it might not be as much of a shock once he sees you again for the first time.”

He doesn’t respond; her encouragement doesn’t exactly ease the high speed nerves churning in his stomach, as if someone’s pressed the puree button on a blender.

She helps him out of bed, and he groans slightly as he’s helped into the wheelchair that they’ve brought him to move to the bathroom or anywhere else if he needed to, seeing as his leg is still in the cast. They told him it’d be another month and a half before he’s able to walk right, assuming he takes care of himself.

He assumes the way to Park Chanyeol’s room will take a while, so he decides he’ll think of what to say as Doctor Liu helps him get there.

Big mistake. It’s right next to his, and he almost pisses himself when he comes to this realization. But at the same time, he was less than twenty feet away from Park Chanyeol, and no one told him? Rude.

This hospital room is different to his; it has a small hallway before it opens towards where he assumes that the bed lies. He can’t see anything, or anyone, except for a wall.

“Mr. Park, are you awake?” Doctor Liu says, and he hears a hum of confirmation. The voice is deep, and he gnaws on the inside of his cheek, his hands gripping the sides of the wheelchair until his knuckles turn whiter than the walls.

“Come on in,” The voice says, and he takes a deep breath as the wheelchair rolls into the room,  and, for the first not first time, he finally sees Park Chanyeol, face to face.

The first thing he notices are the ears. They’re big, and stick out underneath dark, black hair. His eyes are dark, quickly bouncing between him and the doctor, and the few small tattoos he has along his arms seem to jump out at him against the background of tan skin. He has a few stitches, and the circles under his eyes are dark, as if he hadn’t been sleeping for more than a week, but he still manages to take Baekhyun’s breath away.

If being gay didn’t come as a surprise him, the fact that he fell for this gorgeous human somehow surprises him even less.

“I’m Doctor Liu, I assumed Doctor Kim told you about me?”

“Yes, he did,” Chanyeol says, nodding. His voice is deep, and soft, as Chanyeol’s eyes meet Baekhyun’s. The blender of nerves sitting in Baekhyun’s stomach goes into overdrive, from puree to instant death from the inside out.

Chanyeol studies Baekhyun for a moment, and Baekhyun waits for it to come: a hey, sweetheart, or Baekhyun, you’re here, or something along those lines that will make Baekhyun’s chest tighten with pity.

Instead, what Chanyeol says next causes his eyes to widen, and the blender to turn off, as if it’s been dropped off a cliff along with the rest of his stomach.

“Doctor… Who’s this?”

[chapter two: my name is park chanyeol]

[logan-are-you-okay]

Just a day at the hospital

It’s been three days... three days since Chase was stabbed by that man. They caught the guy, and apparently there was recordings on that block that caught him saying ‘How’s this for Bro Average?’ Guess he just didn’t like the show... Good thing MARKIPLIER TV has two episodes recorded of a show before they go on, so people won’t be missing their episode this week. Sadly, it’s also been three days since he has last seen Bing. The nurses keeping asking if he can come back, but Chase keeps rejecting him or he’s just asleep when he comes by. The only ones he allows back are his daughter and son. However, Chase keeps screaming whenever he’s asleep. Being woken up by his nightmares, the doctors always ask what’s wrong... but he never tells them. Why should he? It doesn’t injure his physical health so they don’t need to worry about it, right?

Slowly Chase rolls over on his side, trying his best not to yank the things that where helping him breathe. The pain in his chest wasn’t as bad anymore, it just stung and pinched when the stitches where being pulled apart. The worst thing of this all, is that when he’s alone... he’s left to his thoughts. He can’t stop them, it just happens whenever he hears dead noise.

“Sir, one of your family members are here. May I send them in?” A nurse asks as they cracked the door to the room. The hospital here was different then the ones at home. Usually they had curtains to block off each section for each room, but this was a Medicare center. It was almost like the top ER that you had to go to if your injury was super severe. Also the kids where at school right now, the only family member that lives close by was someone he’s never ever met. So... who could it be?

“Yes, you can...” He says with a groggy voice. The IV fluid was really making his mouth dry, and the more he moved his chest, the more it would hurt. God this was so stupid, hooked up to machines for something that he should be able to do on his own. God what was wrong with him? Suddenly the door opens, then promptly shuts. Chase slowly sits up grunting as he goes along, once he’s able to he looks up at the door and his eyes widen. Bing, fucking, Iplier... right there in front of him.

“Sorry, Bro. They wouldn’t let me in any other way.” He says casually. How many times had he tried to get in here and he just... rejected him?

“What did you tell them... which member anyway?” He asks timidly, the tension in the room you couldn’t even cut with a chainsaw.

“That I was your husband.” Chase’s stomach turns into knots as his throat feels like a lump got stuck in it. Why...why of all things would he say that?

“O-Okay then...” Bing then walks over to the chair right next to the bed and pulls it up closer. Chase looks down and plays with his hands. His head was still screaming to fucking run! But his heart kept screaming, IM GONNA GO RUN UP MTN EVEREST WANNA JOIN!? God if his heart goes any faster, you’ll be able to see it through his skin.

“So...” Bing asks, probably trying to start a conversation. Chase just bites his lip as he tries so desperately to stay looking away from Bing. Every single part of him was screaming his name.

“Why do you have to stay here for so long?” Bing says while looking directly at Chase. Desperately Chase tries his hardest to not look. There is no point whatsoever.

“The guy... h-he stabbed through my rib cage and it nicked my lung I guess...” He says while slowly lowering himself against the back of the bed. This was so stupid...

“Well, what did you tell them about all those scars that you had?” Chase’s eyes widen as he gets asked. Did he know that they asked him that? Or was he trying to get it off of him of what they actually are?

“T-the scars?” He says kind of high pitch trying his hardest on what he actually told them. They asked when they where wheeling him in out of surgery while he was on loopy gas so that he would tell the truth. However, he had a strong mental capacity and still managed to lie about it.

“I-I said that they where from b..Bro Average shoots.” Technically is wasn’t a lie, it is what he told them! Just... not what actually happened.

“Ah, Alright then. How about you tell the truth to me?” Chase Quickly swallows looking at the opposite side of the room as he fiddles with his necklace that his son made him while he’s been at the hospital. It had a shark tooth on it, and the line was covered in red and green. Somehow it was able to bring him peace as he did.

“I-I don’t understand w...what you mean...” He says very timidly, not wanting to talk anymore. However he’s met with pressure being added onto the bed right next to him. Now this really made Chase’s heart go a bajillion Miles a minute! Being questioned already being thrown, and then adding into the mix of Have Bing sit next to him. Instantly his body tenses up as he feels Bing place a hand on his back rubbing small circles.

“I’m not stupid Chase. I went through every single one of your ‘Bro Average’ videos trying to find which stunts could’ve given you that scar on your eye, or the scars that I saw on your chest not to long ago.” Chase instinctively pulls up the covers that he had up to his chest, almost as if trying to hide them out of embarrassment.

“Also I payed very close attention seeing scar after scar show up in different places as the series went on.” Bing slowly starts lifting up the Medical night gown as his fingers softly trail up Chase’s skin which makes Chase bite his hand to prevent from making any noise. He has never had a man, let alone his crush touch him... if you don’t count that kiss, BUT THAT’S ALL DIFFERENT SHIT! Chase can hear Bing sigh as he sees... even more scars. Chase can start to feel the guilt rushing inside of him as he screws his eyes shut trying to stop the images from passing by.

“...I don’t w-wanna talk about it...” He says while his hands dug into the medical pillow that his head was on. There was no point in any of this, telling... who’d believe him? He’s a fucking guy and no one thinks women can do such horrible things...

“Can you j...just turn the IV up... I don’t want to think about this a-anymore..” he can feel the movement in the end shift as Bing looks from the IV to him.

“Chase... the IV’s almost at 11... you could die...” Bing says with his voice full of concern. Chase soon lets tears fall, how can he act like this? He’s being so selfish, turning it up to 11 would kill you... tears start to escape his eyes as he thinks about that. Stacy’s words echo in the back of his mind, she’s right. Every single little word that she’s ever muttered to him. He’s an idiot... a bitch... a pussy... a cunt... stupid... horrible father... selfish... a faggot... scum of the earth... a failure... an abortion gone wrong... he should just do what she told him to do... just jump... just fucking jump... Randomly he feels Bing’s warm arms wrap around him, but doesn’t dare open his eyes. He wasn’t tense in the embrace, nor was his heart going a million miles. It was peaceful and calm as he cried out. If it was anything else, he would have rejected this. Chase slowly puts his hand on top of Bing’s of the one that was on top of him.

“I’m right here, Chase... you can tell me anything.” He says in a very light whisper trying to comfort him, but it doesn’t really help...

“W...why do y-you even c..care? D..damage h-has already been... d-done...” He says in the heat of the moment. Why should Bing care? It’s not like it’s going to change who he was. It’s not like Bing can help him in anyway, Stacy was already in jail for a DUI... there’s just no point anymore. In any of this. He just ruins everyone’s lives. First he came out bisexual which ruined his relationship with his parents... he married Stacy which ended his relationship with his best friend... he ruined his children’s lives by bringing them into a horrible family of yelling, screaming, swearing... then he ruined his life with being with Stacy... no matter where he went he was her’s... never able to escape the mental and physical scars that she left...

“I Care, because I’m your friend. Dude, I can tell when someone’s lying to me, please just tell me... you can’t keep something bottled up.” Bing says while slightly hugging Chase with the arm he had wrapped around him. It’s not unhealthy... it just didn’t matter... he’s one person in a place of billions... the only reason that he holds on is because of his kids. They are his only anchor in this world... if he wasn’t there they’d just be with Bing. They already love him so much...

“I-I don’t b..bottle it up... my thoughts r-replay it to me...” great fucking Excuse Chase. A- for effort... The weight on the bed shifts again as Chase feels Bing pull him closer to his chest. He can even hear his heart beat and heavy breathing. Alright NOW his heart can go ten million miles an hour and not get pulled over on the freeway. Hell heart, you just do you! Also, guess Bing’s lying down now next to him.

“Chase. Brody. You need to tell me, if you do I’ll tell you something about me. Would that be alright?” He asks with a commanding, but also comforting voice. How does that even work? He takes a deep breath, filtering through his words very carefully.

“M-my ex...” that was all he was able to manage to say before tears came pouring down. Please don’t make him say more! Please don’t make him say more! Just even saying that was to much for him to handle. Bing slowly turns Chase’s head to the side so that they where both looking at each other. Chase wanted to desperately look away, but Bing’s eyes where so beautiful...

“I would never treat you like that.” Chase lets out a long airy breath as they look at one another. The silence was peaceful, then having the last words be those... made Chase only fall even more into his love for Bing. What did he do that could have possibly been right that made Bing kiss him those three days ago? What was the one thing that he’s done right in his entire life to have Bing hold him like this? Was it because he was hurt? Did Bing feel like this was his fault?

“I promise.” Chase’s thoughts get cut short once again as Bing kisses him. Why was this happening to him? Don’t get him wrong, he loved it as he kissed him back, but what did he do to deserve this? His whole life has been a fuck up, but right now? Everything was perfect. No Stacy in his mind... no scars that stained to his body like an infection.

Slowly Bing’s hand moved to the side of Chase’s waist as Chase hesitantly moved his arms around Bing’s neck. Was this was he suppose to do? Or was he suppose to be doing something else!? He’s never been in this type of position before. His hands where shaking from the anxiety and ‘This was actually happening’ feelings. Bing must’ve felt it as he pulled back, and placed his forehead against Chase’s.

“Relax, Chase. I know what I’m doing.” With that he again pushes his lips against Chase’s.

All over again Chase melts into it, completely intoxicated by this. In the back of his mind, he can barely hear the anxiety of where did this leave them now? Once they where done with whatever this was... what where they going to be? Deep down Chase hoped this meant that they would go out and try to be a couple. However he didn’t know what Bing was feeling. Maybe the same? He has been the one to start all of this. However it doesn’t matter now. He’s in the moment right now, and everything was perfect.... right now.

(Sorry @alaughingfreak I couldn’t make it angsty! My brain wouldn’t let me)

[tails89]

Look what I did! I updated! Woah, go me :)

“The next thing I remember is waking up-” Hiccup paused to think about it. His sense of time had become so skewed. “-last night?” He sat back against the bed, exhausted. His body felt heavy, like it was made of lead. His leg hurt. His head hurt. Hiccup was tired of it. He just wanted to feel normal again. In the back of his mind, underneath the haze of fatigue and medication, he realised it would be a long time before he felt normal again… if he ever did.

“You woke up a few times yesterday.” Astrid filled him in, doing her best to bridge the gabs between what Hiccup’s hazy memories and what had actually happened the day before. “Don’t worry. The nurses said you probably wouldn’t remember.” She watched as Hiccup picked at the thin blanket covering his legs.

“I remember some things.” Hiccup found a loose thread, twisting it around his finger. “I’m sorry about the way I reacted last night. I just- it felt so real. Like it was still there,” his gaze drifted down to his legs. “Phantom pains, that’s what the Doctor called it.”

“You don’t need to apologise Hiccup,” Astrid told him. Cautiously, she reached out to take Hiccup’s hand, gripping it in her warm fingers. “I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.”

Hiccup didn’t say anything. He lay back with his eyes closed. Astrid thought he might have gone to sleep. His hand was slack in her own.

“Toothless really is okay, right?” Apparently not. Hiccup had one eye open, watching Astrid’s face.

“Yeah, he’s okay,” she confirmed. “All the animals are. Stormfly had a few superficial scratches, but she’ll heal.”

“I guess the fundraiser is off now.” Hiccup sounded so defeated. They had worked so hard to get sponsors, to get approval, but with the damage to the aquarium, there was no way it was going to happen.

“Actually, it’s still going ahead.”

Both of Hiccup’s eyes flew open in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Astrid grinned. “Fishlegs talked to the board. At the very least, we can use the money to arrange new homes for the animals who cannot be released and pay for Toothless’s medical bills.”

Hiccup nodded. “That’s good. That’s really, really good.”

He seemed much happier than Astrid expected. He’d been so upset with the news he’d received about Toothless. Had he forgotten? They had talked about it that night, before Hiccup had returned to the aquarium. If he didn’t remember it, Astrid didn’t have the heart to remind him. He’d already received so much bad news in the space of a couple of days.

She kept talking, hoping to keep him distracted.

“There wasn’t all that much damage to the aquarium,” Astrid told him. “I mean, the outdoor area was trashed, but the main building is okay. They were talking about boarding up the broken windows for the time being.”

Astrid considered her next words carefully. Hiccup would hear about it soon enough, now that he was awake. Maybe it was best to hear it from her.

“Hiccup, the police…” she hesitated. “They were thinking that you might have set the fire.”

Hiccup bolted upright on the bed, unable to hide the wince as his battered body protested the movement.

“What?” He tugged his hand out of Astrid’s grip. “No! Never! The animals.” His mouth opened and closed as he struggled for words. “Toothless. Astrid, you know I would never risk them.”

Astrid reached forward to place her hand on his shoulder. The machine by the side of the bed beeped, detecting his rising heartrate.

“I told them that.” She tried to reassure him. “I told them there was no way you would have done that.” Hiccup’s heart was racing. The monitor let out another chirp. “You need to know. You’ll probably be questioned now that you’re up. But it’s good that you remember what happened.”

The door to the room opened.

“Everything alright in here?” Lucy bustled into the room. She made her way over to the bed, frowning at the way Hiccup was sitting up. “You need to be resting,” she told him. “This-“ she guided him back down so that he was lying against the bed, not missing the way he clenched his jaw. “-is not resting.” She checked the numbers on the screen.

“I’m sorry, it was my fault,” Astrid admitted.

Lucy turned back to the bed. “I know you must be bursting to know what happened,” she told Hiccup, “and you probably want to catch him up on everything.” Astrid nodded slowly. “But right now, you need to be focusing on getting better, as cliché as that sounds.” She straightened the blankets covering Hiccup. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” The words sounded fake, even to his own ears.

The nurse stopped, regarding Hiccup with a scrutinising gaze. Hiccup glanced across at Astrid, then back towards his nurse, his shoulders dropping as he sighed in defeat.

“It’s still a bit painful,” he admitted. “Everything kinda hurts right now.”

“Hiccup, you should have said something.” Astrid frowned.

“Hiccup?” Lucy smiled. “That’s an interesting nickname.” She fiddled with a cable hanging from the IV stand. “And she’s right. You’ve just had some pretty major surgery. It’s going to be painful for a while, and when you’re in pain, you need to say something.” She tied the cable to the railing of the bed, placing the button in Hiccup’s hand. “Now that your awake, you can use this if the pain gets too bad. It’ll give you an extra dose,” she explained. “You can press it three times in an hour. I’d recommend pressing it now, because I need to change your bandages.”

Hiccup did as he was told. As Lucy collected up the things she needed, Hiccup’s face and posture slowly relaxed. Astrid hadn’t realised how tense he’d been up to that point.

“I see you managed to get your dad out of here,” the nurse made light conversation as she checked she had everything.

“Yeah,” with the pain gone, exhaustion had hit Hiccup like a freight train. He’d let his eyes drift shut, his voice was laced with sleep. “He’s gone to check into a hotel. I told him to get some rest.”

“It’s about time. Now,” Lucy turned back to the bed. “Would you like your girlfriend to stay for this?”

Hiccup managed to wrench his eyes open, staring groggily at Astrid, confusion obvious across his face. “Girlfriend?”

Astrid blushed. “It didn’t actually say I was your girlfriend,” she told him. “Snotlout’s mum assumed and I… didn’t correct her.”

Hiccup let out an amused huff. “Girlfriend. I like it.” His was having trouble keeping his eyes open. “Stay… please.” It was almost a whisper.

Astrid took Hiccup’s hand, squeezing gently.

“So how did you two meet?” The nurse drew back the covers and began to unwrap the bandages. She directed the question at Astrid, but Hiccup was the one who answered.

“Work together.” Hiccup grit his teeth as Lucy reached the last layer of the bandages. “’strid’s a vet.”

“I’m not quite a vet,” Astrid corrected him. “But I’ve almost finished my training.” She caught sight of what was left of Hiccup’s left leg. It was an angry mess of healing tissue, all swollen and puffy.

“’t’s bad?” Hiccup kept his eyes closed, but his hand tightened around Astrid’s.

“You had surgery less than two days ago,” Lucy reminded him. “These things don’t heal overnight.” She began cleaning out the wound. “You’ve still got a lingering infection, but trust me, it is looking a lot better.”

She redressed the wound and set the covers back over Hiccup. He’d finally succumbed to the exhaustion, drifting off to sleep.

Astrid watched as nurse cleaned up and disposed of the old bandages. “Can I ask a question?” She gave Hiccup’s fingers a brief squeeze then set his hand back down on the bed. “What happens now?”

Lucy sized the young woman up. She didn’t want to scare Astrid off with how hard this was going to be, but she didn’t want to sugar coat it either.

“Now?” she echoed. “Now is the hardest part. When I said these things don’t heal over night, I wasn’t kidding. Recovery is going to take weeks, months, years even. It’s going to be hard.”

“Hiccup is strong,” Astrid sounded confident, but did she really know him well enough to make this judgement? She’d seen how determined he’d been with Toothless’s care. Would he have that same determination for his own recovery? “What’s the next step?”

“That’s up to- Hiccup?” Lucy smiled again at the nickname. “His doctor wants to keep him here until the infection clears up, then he’ll most likely get transferred to a rehab facility. There’ll be physio, he’ll meet with a prosthetist, and depending on how quickly the swelling goes down he’ll get fitted for a prosthetic leg.”

“Okay,” Astrid was nodding to herself, taking it all in. “Okay- that’s… it’s a lot to take in. I don’t even know where to begin.”

“You can begin just by being there for him.” The nurse checked her watch, she needed to move on to her next patient. “He’s going to need all the support he can get.”

***

Hiccup dozed off and on for the rest of the day. His doctors and nurses came by. Vitals were monitored, blood was taken at one point. Sometimes Hiccup was awake for it. Sometimes he wasn’t.

Stoick returned to the hospital around lunch time.

The conversation between Astrid and Stoick was stilted, having exhausted most conversation topics the previous evening.

Astrid was relieved to see Hiccup stirring around five o’clock. She’d had a lot to think during the awkward silences that had stretched through the afternoon.

“Hey Hiccup.” Astrid stood to move closer to the bed.

“Astrid?” He blinked the sleep out of his eyes, shifting to make himself more comfortable.

“Hey, so-“ she hesitated. “I need to head back to Berk.” Astrid didn’t really want to go. She wanted to stay. Lucy’s words rang clearly in her mind. But the aquarium couldn’t run without someone to care for the animals. If anything happened to them, Astrid was sure Hiccup would blame himself for keeping her away. For the time being, this was the best way she knew how to support him; by making sure that Toothless and Stormfly and all the other animals would be there when he finally returned to Berk. For that, she needed to go home.

Hiccup looked thoughtful and a little disappointed. The drugs he was on made it difficult for him to hide his emotions. It took him a while to respond.

“I understand,” he told her tiredly. “You’ve got your job and I’ve been keeping you.” The small smile he plastered on his face felt forced. “Hopefully I’ll be back soon too.”

“Definitely,” Astrid’s smile seemed much more genuine. “Don’t worry, you can’t get rid of me that easily. I’ll be back to visit you,” she promised.

She gathered he bag slowly. Really, she should have been on the road ages ago, but she’d wanted to wait until Hiccup woke so that she could talk to him, rather than disappear while he was sleeping.

She lingered in the doorway. Hiccup had already drifted off again, so with a quick nod to Stoick, she left.

***

It was late when Astrid got back to Berk.

She was relieved to find that Ruff had either gone out, or had gone to bed. The house was quiet. The hospital had been so noisy, which in hindsight Astrid found odd. She would have expected silence so that patients could sleep, but the ward had been a buzz of soft footsteps, and squeaking wheels as beds were moved. Quiet moments were interrupted by the beep of machines and the ringing of alarms as people fought for life in the other rooms.

Astrid’s bedroom was eerily quiet in comparison.

She fell into bed, taking a moment to kick her shoes off before dragging her covers over her body. She didn’t think she’d sleep, her thoughts were too busy, but she drifted off quickly.

[kpoptart216]

My North Star (pt 4)

A/N: I got around to writing part four tonight! I hope you all like it. There no way in hell that this is going to be finished by part 5, because I’m thinking of at least another three parts. BUT Let me know if you want a part 5, otherwise I’m not going to continue to write!

Summary: You have been in love with your best friend, the one constant in your life, for as long as you can remember. But what happens when the new girl comes along? And a new guy, who’s pining for your heart.

Length: 3563 words omg sorry not sorry. I’ll make the rest of the parts shorter 

Previous parts: part 1 part 2 part 3

Genre: angst, romance, fluff.

Jin half-heartedly looked around for Kim’s phone; he couldn’t care less where her phone was. His mind was filled at the way you were acting all night. Sure, you guys didn’t spend too much time together since he began dating Kim, but he didn’t think it would take a toll on your friendship. You both had been in relationships before and you both knew to give each other space during those times. Even when he dated other girls before, you never acted the way you did tonight. Was something going on in her life that I don’t know about? Did something happen at work? Still looking for the dang phone, Jin finally turned to see Kim and was slightly annoyed when he found her seated on the couch, scrolling through her phone again.

 “Babe, you should have told me you found it” He said, kind of annoyed.

“I did, you just seemed to not be listening” she said back.

 “Oh…I’m sorry” he said, sitting next to her and placing his hand around her shoulders. She leaned in, finally putting her phone down. They sat in silence for a while. A silence that was far more comfortable than the previous ones tonight.

 “Tonight was…awkward” she said after a few minutes.

 “You noticed too, huh? I don’t know what’s up with Y/N. She’s usually not like that, sorry” He says.

 “No, you shouldn’t apologize for her, she should do it herself.” Jin annoyance was slightly increasing, seeing as Kim didn’t bother looking away from her phone the entire night. He didn’t say anything though.

 “You know, when I first met her, I could have sworn that she liked you. As in more than a friend. I was kind of nervous about your relationship with her. But now that I think about it, I guess I don’t have much to be worried about? It looks like Hoseok really likes her, and she just may like him back. How great would it be if your two best friends go together?” she cooed.

 Jin tensed up at her words. How could Kim think that Y/N likes me? But… Hoseok likes…Y/N? She likes him back? He knew that Hoseok was a good guy but he couldn’t imagine the two of them together like that. When you had dated guys before, Jin was always first to find their faults, constantly reminding you that you could do much better. Y/N deserved nothing but the best, especially after everything she’s been through.

 “No, I promise you that you have nothing to worry about. But…do you really think they would get together?” Jin asks, carefully.

 “Well think about it. He’s been talking to her all night and making her laugh. He could have sat anywhere tonight during the movie, but he sits as close to her as he can. And what does she do? She laughs at everything she says. If she didn’t like him, then she shouldn’t lead him on. But I doubt it. I mean, she left almost 20 minutes ago and he said he’d just walk her to her car across the street, but he’s still not back. Why do you ask? Do you have something against the two”

 “NO of course not” Jin denied all too quickly.

 Before he could say anything further, Hoseok opens the front door and smiles awkwardly at the two of you. “Uh…good night” he says before heading to his room.

 “Let’s go to bed too, sweets” Kim says, pulling you up from the couch.

  Oh my gosh, he knew. Was I so transparent? How could he have figured it out.

 “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Jin” he reassured you, multiple times as you looked at him frantically.“I guess I’ve known for a while, I just figured you were getting over it. I guess not” he said. “But y/n, I want you to know something. I like you.”

 “W-W-What?” you ask, slowly processing what he was saying

 “I have for a while now. But you don’t have to give me an answer any time soon. I know how you feel. Just…just don’t turn me down yet. Give me a chance?” he says.

 “Hoseok I… I don’t know what to say.” You told him.

 “Don’t say anything for now. Give it some time. I just needed you to know how I felt. I understand your feelings so I can wait. Just give me a chance” he says as he takes your hands in his.

 “Give you a chance? What do you mean” you ask, slightly confused.

 He lets out a breath and smiles. “Well you didn’t say no so there’s a chance. Just…lets just hang out. And we’ll see where things go from there” he says, still smiling.

 “Hoseok I don’t want to hurt you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me and you deserve nothing but the best” you tell him, scared of leading him on.

 “Why are you so sure you’re going to hurt me? Maybe, you might just end up falling me instead. I’m quite the looker, ya know” He jokes.

 You felt a little more calm now and you had stopped crying to your surprise. He wasn’t lying. He was quite the looker, that was something no one could deny. What he saw in you though, was completely beyond you.

 “I don’t want to make you any promises. But I’ve liked hanging out with you, I can’t lie about that. I’d like to do it more” you say, honestly.

 “I couldn’t have asked for anything more y/n. Thank you so much” he beams. “You should get going, it’s pretty chilly. I’ll…I’ll text you” he says. And suddenly, before you can reply, he pulls you into his arms again.

 “I’ll make you forget your feelings for him” he says, silently. You nod, not being able to say anything. You wanted to get over your feelings for Jin, but you didn’t know how. You’ve been in love with him for as long as you can remember, so this was no easy feat.

 You pull away from his warm embrace and unlock your car. “Bye Hoseok” you smile back, genuinely.

The next couple of weeks go by rather quickly, especially compared to the weeks before. As promised, you and Hoseok had begun to hang out more and more. You two learned more and more about each other and you genuinely felt happy to be around him. Had you forgotten about Jin? No. But you could feel a bit of your heart opening up to Hoseok. His confession still made your heart flutter a little when you thought back to it every now and then.

 Hoseok began coming over to your place more and more as he still hated going home to Jin and Kim. Speaking of Jin, you two hadn’t talked properly since that night. He called you the next morning, pressuring you to tell him what was wrong, but you were quick with your reasons. “I was just stressed with work, that’s all. Don’t worry about it”.

 “Thank god, you really scared me yesterday. I thought I did something or something.” He had said. If only you knew. And since then you didn’t see Jin much. You would catch up every now and then over the phone or over a cup of coffee, but nothing more than an hour.

 Hoseok and you had begun to do all the things you and Jin had done before. Watching movies, cooking, drinking coffee at your favorite café. Maybe if things keep going like this, maybe one day I can forget my feelings for Jin and move on.

 You thought.

 Another Friday night rolled around and as you were heading back home from work, Hoseok calls you.

 “We still on for tonight? I’ve been dying to watch this movie for a while now, don’t ditch me!” he whines.

 “When have I ever ditched you?! I’m not a flake!” You whine back.

 “I’m just kidding. I’ll see you soon” You couldn’t see him, but you knew he was smiling through the phone. You couldn’t help but smile yourself.

 You reached home and began getting ready to head back out, excited to watch the movie. Suddenly, you hear the doorbell ring. Who could it be? Maybe it was Hoseok?

 You opened the door, surprised to find Jin. What was he doing here? You were too shocked to even utter a greeting.

 “Uh earth to y/n. Whats up” he waves a hand in your face.

 “H-Hey Jin” you say, giving him a small smile. “What..what are you doing here?” you finally ask.

 “Well, I feel like we haven’t just like…hung out in a long time. I thought we could watch a few movies or something tonight. I brought snacks!” he says, lifting up the back of snacks to show you. “Plus, Friday movie nights is like our thing”

 Our thing. You scoff, not meaning for it to be audible. Jin looks at you, confused.

 “Look, I wish you told me before hand or something, I’m about to head out” You say, rather annoyed. Our thing? Where was “our thing” these last few weeks?

 “Oh do you have plans?” he sounds surprised

 “Am I not allowed to?” you counter.

 “What no, it’s just that we usually hang out on Fridays so..” he started but you cut him off, angry.

 “Well that changed as of a few weeks ago, don’t you think? Look I’m getting late” you say, trying to end the conversation. How dare he shows up out of the blue and pretend as if he’d been here these last few Fridays.

 “Okay look I don’t know why you’re so pissed. I just wanted to hang out with you y/n” he says sounding kind of angry himself.

 “Then you should tell me before! Why is that so hard?” you were almost shouting now.

 “Why the hell are you so mad? God you’ve changed” he scoffs.

 “Oh IVE CHANGED?” you’ve had enough of his accusations. “I’ve changed? The only one who’s changed is you ok. What happened these last two months huh? What happened to movie nights then? You didn’t even call to cancel. But I didn’t get angry at you then!” you say back.

 “You know I was out with Kim! You should understand!” he shouts back. “It’s not like we promised to meet every Friday or anything”

 “Then why the hell are you here tonight” you glare at him, tear threatening to form in your eyes.

 “Fine. You don’t want me here obviously” and he storms away.

 You wanted to hold him back. Call out his name and tell him that it wasn’t true. Of course you wanted him there. You wanted him back, and you wanted nothing more than going back to what it was before. You want him.

 You close the door and the tears automatically begin to spill. You check the clock and realize you’re running late. You quickly finish getting ready and head out to meet Hoseok.

 You were quite the entire time you were with him, not wanting to say much. You kept thinking back to your fight and how stupid it was. He just wanted to hang out, and you turned him away. You and Jin rarely fought, and never would it have been over something so trivial. But you couldn’t help but still feel somewhat angry. You felt like he had taken you for granted.

“Did you not like the movie?” Hoseok asks.

 “What? No, it was good. I just have a lot on my mind” you confess.

 “You know you can tell me anything right?” he asks, concerned.

 “No, it’s nothing much. I’m just tired too. Look, I’m sorry about tonight, but I think I’m just going to head home and get to bed early. I’ll text you later?” you ask.

 He seemed slightly disappointed but just hugged you goodnight as you parted ways at the theater.

 Jin sat on his couch back in his apartment, still thinking back to his fight with you. Kim was out on a girls night and Jin had felt bored. He realized that things still weren’t so great with you and him so he had hoped to just hang out with you and finally talk about whats been on your mind. You might have told him that nothing was wrong, but that didn’t fool him. What he couldn’t understand was why you were so angry and why he got angry as well. He heard the door unlock and saw Hoseok walk in.

 “Hey Hoseok, where have you been?” Jin asks, looking at the time.,

 “Oh I was at the movies with y/n” Hoseok replied,

 So that’s who you were hanging out with? You left him hanging for Hoseok. Since when did he become the priority over me? “You guys have been hanging out a lot” Jin says, finally.

 “Oh…Yeah. About that Jin… I actually really like her” Hoseok says nervously.

 Jin tensed up at his sudden confession. “Did you…did you tell her?” he asked slowly.

 “Yeah I told her a few weeks ago. She doesn’t feel the same way about me…” Jin relaxed a little at his words but Hoseok continued “At least not yet I don’t think. We just agreed to hang out and see where it goes. Look I really hope that’s okay with you. I know she’s your best friend and all” Hoseok says. Jin felt a tightness around his heart.  

 “You don’t need my permission if that’s what you’re asking” Jin lied.

 “I wasn’t asking, I just wanted you to know. We owe you that” Hoseok says. Jin’s anger resurfaced. His two best friends went through so much and they couldn’t even tell him. Was that why he was mad?

 “Well, I hope it works out between you two” he says half-heartedly. “I’m going to bed”

 “Good night” Hoseok mumbled.

A week went by after the fight and neither you or Jin apologized. You guys never went this long without apologizing after a fight. But this time was different. You were both quite angry at each other and neither of you wanted to budge.

As Kim was out on another girl’s night for tonight, Jin anxiously sat at work wondering what to do for the evening when he got a phone call. He looked at his phone to find his older brother calling.

“Hyung, whats up” Jin answers casually.

“Jin, I need your help” his brother says nervously. “Hana is in labor I think and I need to take her to the hospital now, but this is a lot earlier than we had planned. I need you to take in Min for at least the night” his brother says urgently. Jin’s brother had married the love of his life around 4 years ago. They had their first son almost two years ago and now they were expecting their second child. Hana wasn’t expecting for another two weeks and the plan was to have Min, their first born, to stay with Jin’s parents when they flew into town next week. “Of course I’ll take him Hyung, anything you need” Jin says.

 “Thank you so much. I have his bags packed and everything, and I’m actually on my way. I’ll be there in 20. Also, he’s not feeling too well, he’s been a little fussy since last night, can you just make sure he’s not too tired? Just give him milk if he’s hungry, I don’t know what else he can stomach” his brother says.

 “Sure Hyung, I’ll take care of him don’t worry about it. I’ll bring him over to the hospital once his sibling is born” Jin smiles.

 “Thank you so much” his brother answers, hanging up. Jin rushed home to greet his family. His brother handed him Min and left in a rush. Jin could see Hana sitting uncomfortably in the car as she waved bye, silently thanking her brother in law.

 Min was a happy little boy usually. He loved his uncle and was always ready to play. But Jin’s brother was right, today he wasn’t looking too well. Jin tried to do everything to make Min laugh, but he only gave Jin small smiles as he sat silently. Hoseok finally walks in, surprised to see Min. “MIN-AH!” he screams, startling the kid.

 “Why are you here?!” Hoseok says as he picks up Min. Still no reaction. “Why are you so dull. It’s okay, we can change that now that I’m here” Hoseok says.

 “Hey can you keep an eye on him while I make dinner. I’ll explain the situation in a bit” Jin says as he heads to the kitchen to make dinner.

 Once he was done making dinner, Jin slowly fed Min, who was reluctant to eat his meal. Usually, he would eat well, but he was just not having it. Jin figured it was because his parents were around, so he kept urging to Min to eat. Min took a few bites, but no more. And that’s when things went downhill. A few minutes after eating, Min threw up everything. He started crying and to Jin and Hoseok’s surprise, he was also running a fever. After continuously throwing up, Min’s crying got worse. Hoseok began panicking and Jin reached for his phone, dialing a number quickly.

 Pick up pick up pick up. “Y/n it’s Min. He’s sick. I need you” he says as you say hello.

 You drop everything you were doing and head out of your apartment running. You don’t question anything either. Why was Min with Jin. Why was he sick. How sick was he? You speed all the way to his apartment, praying you don’t get pulled over. Not even waiting for the elevator, you run up to the third floor, finally banging on Jin’s door.

 Hoseok opens the door, surprised to find you so out of breath. “W-where is Min” you ask, trying to catch your breath. You could hear him wailing from another room.

 “Jin is trying to clean him…he’s been throwing up nonstop. I’m worried” Hoseok explains. You can hear the crying get louder as Jin emerges with Min from the bathroom. You rush over to his side, worried about Min. You and Min saw each other rather frequently. As Jin’s best friend, you were very close with his entire family and you were so happy when Min was born. You had always loved children, and Min was the most adorable baby, slightly resembling Jin. For whatever reason, Min adored you back. Whenever you two would see each other, he would leap into your arms and play with you till he fell asleep. He would cry whenever you had to leave him, and it hurt you to leave him too. But you knew you would always see him again in the future. As of recently, you hadn’t seen him much. You were surprised by how much he had grown, but you could tell he was very sick. You opened your arms out to him and he came over to you without thinking twice. He laid his head on your shoulder, still crying.

 “What happened  Jin. He’s so warm. Did you take his temperature?” you ask as you rock Min back and forth, trying to get him to stop crying as he clings onto your neck.

 “I-I don’t know. Hyung said he’s been fussy since last night and that I should give him milk, but I didn’t think too much about it. I fed him dinner and he he’s been throwing up since. His temperature is now almost 101” he rambles.

 “You gave him solid food when you knew he was sick?!” You ask as you continue to rock Min. He’s still crying, but not as hard. Jin’s face hardens.

 “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE WAS SICK” he yells, startling everyone in the room. Min begins wailing, louder than before. “EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT NOW IS IT? God why did I even call you here now, you’re just making everything worse” Jin pulls his hands through his hair, looking away. Your eyes widen at his sudden outburst.

 “Ok Jin calm down. It’s not your fault. The only thing that matters is tending to Min” Hoseok interjects, walking up to your side.

 You had almost forgotten that you and Jin were still fighting. You look at Jin, eyes still wide with surprise. He almost never shouted like that, and for it to be directed at you was saddening. But you don’t say anything in return, hurt from his words. You just continue to rock Min, hoping for him to settle down a little. You walk away into Hoseoks room.

 Jin watches as you walk away from the living room, immediately regretting yelling at you. He didn’t mean what he said. He begins to follow you when Hoseok stops him.

 “Jin, I think you should just calm down for sometime and give her some space. She’s good with Min, just…calm down” Hoseok says, looking at Jin directly in the eyes. Jin glares back, wanting nothing more than to go see you and Min, but he listens to Hoseok and settles down on the couch.

 Hoseok walks back to his room, and Jin can hear you as you say “Can you turn off the lights and close the door? I want to see if he can sleep.” Jin watches as Hoseok shuts the door to his room, leaving him in silence all alone. 

AHH again please tell me if you want a part five, otherwise I’m not going to write out the rest of the series! Thanks for all the love so far though! :D (also I don’t edit these that much so….. >.> )

[kimchichigay]

first love with jaemin

dO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING BEING NA JAEMIN’S FIRST LOVE AND HIM BEING YOURS MY HEArT alright before we start this is my first time making something like this so pls be patient with me

• ok this twerp would definitely be the kind to slyly drop a lot of subtle but not so subtle hints that he likes you before y'all started dating

• hints as in I’m talking about lOTS OF SKINSHIP AND BEING SUPER CLOSE AND INTIMATE WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT KIND OF INTIMACY dONT GET YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST YA NASTY

• like for example he’ll tuck your hair to the back of your ears like its nothing and then flashing you his million dollar smile

• or him telling you some cringey pick up line that is worth punching his beautiful face for poor chenle nearly threw up his lunch when he overheard you both

• BUT WHEN HE FINALLY THINKS ITS ABOUT TIME TO CONFESS HIS FEELINGS PROPERLY HE’LL BE THE CLUMSIEST LIL SHIT EVER

• HE BE TRIPPING OVER HIS OWN FEET AS HE MAKES HIS WAY TO YOU OR EVEN FALLING FACE FLAT oN FHE GROUND POOR BABY

• HE STILL TRIES TO BE COOL THO

• donghyuck, jeno and chenle makes sure to film everything down and probably make a meme out of his mishaps

• mark and renjun are probably just there for emotional support

• he’ll probably begin by wiping his sweaty (ew) palms on his trousers and nervously clearing his throat cORNY I KNOW

• you will most probably be like ??!??? at first but then you realise what was going on the second you saw the trash can moved behind jaemin. you knew this was bound to happen so you secretly kept it inside of you knowing too damn well jaemin will appreciate it if you pretend not to know anything for his sake

• this hopeless romantic smh

• “ok so y/n there’s this thing I’ve been trying to tell you all along. this may sound ridiculous but this takes so much courage from the bottom of my heart and the strength of jaehyun and yuta hyung’s fist to knock some senses into me. and if I don’t do this now johnny and ten hyung are going to call me a wimp and I have to buy them pizza later because I proved their point. I–”

• but who the hell said you were good @ keeping your mouth and excitement shut you can’t stand the tension anymore too either so lmaO

• “I like you too jaemin.”

• “pls do not interrupt me y/n”

• before he could say the three little words he’s been dying to say, he took a deep breath but stopped half way, opening his half lid eyes widely after his mind was able to process

• “wait what”

• “SHE SAID SHE LIKES YOU DUMBASS”

• “SHUT THE HELL UP DONGHYUCK”

• “can I come out now???” jisung’s head pops out of the bushes

• long story short jaemin was finally able to claim your heart that day and jisung got ant bites from hiding in the bushes for too long with the bouquet of flowers jaemin planned to give you after his confession

• the dream unit with the exception of jaemin also found their new source of entertainment from the video they got that day

• NOW DATING JAEMIN YES LETS GO ONTO THE DEETS

• NA JAEMIN IS DEFINITELY THE TYPE OF BOYFRIEND WHO WOULD SPOIL YOU WHENEVER

• he’ll get you small lil gifts of whatever reminds you of him

• that hair clip??? ITS CUTE BUY IT FOR Y/N that necklace?? A MUST BUY !! THAT LIMITED EDITION PIKACHU DOLL?? SCREW THAT VIDEO GAME WINWIN HYUNG WANTED HE CAN LIVE WITHOUT LIKE HE DID FOR THE PAST 19 YEARS

• he’d even turn up at your house at 2am with fried chicken if you text him at night saying you’re hungry GOALS YALL

• HES ALSO KIND OF LOWKEY LIKE YOUR 2ND MOM LMAO

• I call him dropping by your classroom during snack breaks/lunch breaks with food with him, knowing so damn well about your horrible habit of skipping on your meals

• he would force you to eat with him or at least take a few bites from the food he specially prepared/bought for you

• cOUGHS HE ONLY BOUGHT/PREPARED YOUR FAVOURITES COUGHS

• and didn’t he say he enjoys cooking in the dorm too?? imAGINE HIS HOME COOKED FOOD MADE WITH HIS LOVE

• I’m crying blood

• AND IF YOU REFUSE IM 999999% SURE HE’LL FEED YOU PERSONALLY

• “say ahh, y/n”

• “jaemin I said I’m not hungry”

• “stop lying through your food deprived mouth and eat!!!”

• “jAEMIN!!”

• “LISTEN IM NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU FINISH THIS LUNCH BOX”

• JAEMIN WOULD ALSO BE KINDA PROTECTIVE BUT NOT CRAZY PROTECTIVE YKNOW

• HE’LL ALWAYS CHECK ON YOU IN BETWEEN TOILET BREAKS BY WALKING PASS YOUR CLASS AND TRYING TO CATCH A GLIMPSE OF YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW

• AND THE SMILE OH NY GSKDNDN THAT SHEEPISH SMILE HE’LL GIVE YOU WHEN YOU TELL HIM TO GO AWAY IN EMBARRASSMENT JSNNDKEBXOEKE

• but lbr it’s either that really cute BF material kind of smile he be giving you through the window or that weird derpy smile he always has when he’s being dumb

• either way you’re embarrassed by this goofball

• and to add on to your embarrassment, he knows that some of your classmates may be watching the two of you so he’d blow kisses/make kissy faces at you

• he just absolutely loves to see you blush because it’s just so cute to him and he loves cute things especially you you’re his favorite cute thing and he wants to keep you by his side forever

• FIRST KISS YES

• YOU CAN NOT FORGET ABOUT FIRST KISS

• AND yALL KISS ON YOUR FIRST DATE TOO OMG SO IMA INCORPORATE BOTH PLS BE PATIENT WITH ME YALL

• because jaemin has been receiving lessons from his hyungs on dating it isn’t surprising that he brought you to the movies on your first date not because it highly suggested by his hyungs…

• you both agreed to meet outside the movie theatre and he was there an hour early and boy was he nervous as heck

• the older members were also there for a little while to prep him up aw how supportive

• sO after giving him half an hour long of prep talk and re-styling his hair (for running through them anxiously mULTIPLE OF TIME) ITS FINALLY TIME

• YOU TURNED UP RIGHT ON TIME AND YOU SAW HIM STANDING THERE OUTSIDE DAZING OFF INTO THE DISTANT

• HE LOOKS SO GOOD JUST STANDING THERE AND YOURE LIKE ‘tF HO W IN THE WORLD DID I END UP WITH HIM BLESS’

• pls excuse me for a moment here oh my god na jaemin is seriously one of the most attractive 16 years olds I’ve ever seen f U CK CALMD DJOWN

• ok lets get back

• IT WAS THEN YOU START TO FEEL THAT WEIRD FEELING IN THE STOMACH LIKE YOURE ABOUT TO THROW UP FROM THE NERVOUSNESS AND ANXIETY BUILDING UP INSIDE YOU

• BUT YOU STILL APPROACHED HIM ANYWAYS FROM BEHIND AND WHEN YOU FINALLY REACH HIM YOU GAVE HIM A LITTLE TAP ON HIS SHOULDERS

• POOR BOY WAS SO STARTLED HE JUMPED A FEW FEET IN THE AIR jk I was just exaggerating

• bUT STILL

• AND WHEN HE TURNED AROUND HIS JAW JUST DROPS THE MOMENT HE LAID HIS EYES ON YOU MAKING YOU BLUSH AND SHIT AND YOU COULDNT LOOK AT HIM IN THE EYES GOD DAMNIT SHDBNDSKDN

• SEEING HOW SHY AND EMBARRASSED YOU ARE BY HIM AND HE JUST LOVES SEEING YOU LIKE THIS ,, YOU BET MY LAST $3 THAT HE’D TEASE THE HECK OUT OF YOU

• “aigoo, my beautiful girlfriend looks even more beautiful than usual tonight. did you dress up especially for me?”

• I want to kms

• you’d just smack his arm and walk away, trying to hide your face. “let’s go buy the tickets before the show starts, you twerp…”

• the smile on his face would just become wider and he’d catch up with you, naturally reaching out for your hand and intertwining them together

• where the fuck did that nervous dipshit go and where the fuck did he find such confidence to become such a cheesy little shit

• jaemin also bought popcorn and drinks for the both of you and being the cheesy lil shit insist y'all share the drink with two straws while giving the excuse “i wouldnt be able to finish mine if we bought two” 

 • “I can buy my share myself” 

 • “nonono it’s too late for that now the movie is about to start and the line for the snacks is now really long lets go babe you don’t wanna miss out the beginning of the movie”

 • he holds your hand and leads you both inside the theatre and to your seats • “what are we watching again” 

 • “the conjuring 2” 

 • TOTALLY NOT TEN AND JOHNNY’S SUGGESTION 

 • “hmm,, ok… wAIT WHAT” 

 • you stared at him wide eyed and jaemin suddenly looked remorseful and he regrets everything especially listening to his hyungs who probably learnt all their “techniques” and “moves” from watching too much corny chick flick and kdrama 

 • “sorry, I should’ve asked you. do you want to leave right now? I can get tickets to see another movie.” 

 • THIS BOY IS LEGIT READY TO GET UP AND GET YOU TICKETS TO WATCH ZOOTOPIA IN THE THEATRE NEXT DOOR 

 • HE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU 

 • but your cheapskate ass just grabs him and pulled him back down in his seat but not letting go of his hand 

 • “its fine jaemin, ive seen the trailer and my friends say it’s pretty good. let’s enjoy this movie shall we? haha.”

• though your face say yes but heart say no, jaemin was reluctant but eventually decided to sit back down when the lights went off

• “but if the movie gets too scary and you dont feel like watching it anymore you can always tell me, ok y/n? we could have dinner early or something, i’ll bring you some place nice.”

• instead of watching in the beginning of the movie, jaemin was watching you the entire time with a stupid smile of his face despite worrying over the fact that you might be scarred for life

• eventually you caught him and you had to forcefully make him stare ahead at the big screen instead. at first he was pretending but soon enough he was immersed in it

• this dipshit istg

• when the climax of the movie came, you knew what was going to happen and you immediately grabbed jaemin’s hand while following your instincts and hid behind his shoulder

• he was caught off guard at first lmao since he was too immersed in the movie that he nearly forgot that hes on a date 

• after realising you had grabbed his hand and possibly squeeze it for as long as the climax part of the movie lasted, he blushed and tries to bite back a smile from forming on his face

• and when he turned to look at you, seeing that you’ve curled up in the seat, ears covered with your other hand and eyes squeezed shut, he was this close into melting into a puddle of goo because you looked so cute and squishy and he just wants to hold you 

• and he did 

• i am trying not to scream as i type this 

• he skillfully wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his embrace, stroking your hair as he teases you “aigoo my big baby i told you we should’ve watched something else instead.”

• you both went on to watch the movie like that, you clinging onto him like your life depended on it and him enjoying every second of it and lowkey wishes the movie to be longer

• when the creepy music in the background began to play as the second climax arrive, you were already gripping onto jaemin’s arm. being the perfect boyfriend material he is, he covered your ears. (BASICALLY JUST LIKE THE WAY SUNGJAE DID TO JOYIN WGM WHILE THEY WERE WATCHING A MOVIE I MISS THEM SO MUCH)

• but as soon as it was over (after all that exorcism and shit and everything becomes brighter), you’ll just look up and blush in embarrassment cos jaemin was staring back at you with a smug look on his face tHIS LITTL E SHIT

• you also notice that there are red marks on his arm from where you were grabbing him so you gasped and began apologizing for nearly tearing his arm apart during the movie while gently stroking his arm while rambling on and on about how sorry you are and also complimenting how he’s practically hairless 

• apparently you were rambling on too much that he couldn’t take it??? not in a bad wAY BUT it wasn’t just your rambles that was driving him crazy 

• it was your moving lips

• yes LiPSSSS gIRL YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

• YOU GUESSED IT

• he kissed you 

• to shut you up 

• and to also finally man up and kiss you like how he should’ve 3 weeks ago when you both started dating

• mmMm gotta get me a guy like jaemin A++

• you were too stunned to kiss him back so you just stared at him wide eyed when he pulled away

• “i-what-huh-wait, jaemin-what-” you poor confused child

• “how did you know peach was my favorite flavor.” he wipes the corner of his lips as he said that with a shit eating grin, causing you to turn crimson.

• “what are you kids still doing here? the movie is over; leave.” 

• whoops 

• so basically that was how jaemin found his confidence and that was just only the beginning of this cute relationship and he just adores the heck out of you and loves you to bits you guys are practially engaged in his head and he hopes that not only you’ll be his first love you’ll also be his last iTSNT THAT THE CUTEST THING EVER

• i am crying blooODdd i hope you guys enjoyed this like how i enjoyed torturing myself ㅠㅠ

[alittlemissfit]

37? :)

my long, long overdue response to this prompt. 37: welcome to fatherhoodMSR, missing scene from “Existence”@how-i-met-your-mulder @contrivedcoincidences6 @kateyes224 @sunflowerseedsandscience @2momsmakearight  @blackcoffeeandteardrops

She’d been moved to recovery an hour ago. The nurse had told Mulder she was lying sedated for a reason, that she needed all the rest and recuperation time she could get and probably wouldn’t even realize he was in the room. 

He countered that, pointing out if his partner was asleep and as unaware as they said, there was no reason he couldn’t stay at her side. The nurse got fed up and walked off. Luckily she hadn’t called security on him.

He knew there was a chair in the corner of her room. But it was uncomfortable and she looked cold under the thin fleece blanket. After everything they’d endured the past few days, he needed her close and didn’t doubt she felt the same way.

Curling his body around her like a shield he twines their fingers, content to just lie here and watch her dream. He’s exhausted but has no plan to take his eyes off of her. Before his grow heavy though Scully’s flutter open, focus on his.

“H…Hi..”

“Hi yourself,” he laughs, kissing her.

“How you feeling? Are you in pain?”

Scully shakes her head before frowning, looking nervously around the room.

“Scully…”

“Where is he? Mulder, where is he?!“

“He’s fine. William’s fine. He’s just over in the nursery catching some z’s.”

“You mean th…they…”

“Shh, breathe, Scully,” Mulder soothes, stroking her hair back. She nods, slowly inhales through her nose but her eyes are still too wide, too wet.

“They didn’t take him?” she chokes out.

Shifting closer Mulder slides an arm around her, touches his forehead to her’s. He feels her shaking and his heart breaks on the spot.

“No, they didn’t. Nobody tried and nobody’s going to, Scully. You kept him safe in Georgia. Now we’re keeping him safe here.”

“I want to see him. I…I have to go and see him, Mulder.”

She tries to sit up but her lower body screams in protest. Wincing, she shakes her head as he guides her back against the pillow.

“No, I told you! I have-“

“What you have to do now is rest, Scully. Look, I’ll lie down with you.”

Leaning back into the large pillow he taps the free side of it invitingly, grins at her.

“C’mon, Laura. We’re parents now.”

“And I still go by Scully,” she scoffs. 

Rolling her eyes she curls up half on the pillow, half pillowed on Mulder’s chest but she lets out a groan, prompting him to stroke the side of her face.

“You alright?”

“Yeah. Just sore.“

“You know damn well the best thing to help that is rest.”

“Don’t forget what they say about doctors, Mulder.”

“Don’t be cute, G-Woman. Once you get the bambino home a good night’s sleep is gonna be hard to come by.“

“It’s a small price to pay though,” Scully murmurs.

Nodding, brushing his lips on the crown of her head Mulder smiles, shuts his eyes for approximately five minutes before he hears her sniffle, wakes back up.

“Scully? What’s wrong? Are you-“

“I have to go to the nursery, Mulder,” she chokes out. “I have to see him before I go to sleep.”

“Okay, okay. We can make that happen. Try and relax though, okay. You’ll see William, I promise.”Stroking her hair with one hand he feels around on the night stand with the other, finds the call button. When the nurse arrives a minute later, she barely has a foot in the room before Mulder asks her for a wheelchair.

“Dana, right now it’s crucial you get as much rest as-“

“It’s crucial right now she see her son,” he says coldly. When the nurse doesn’t respond he gets out of bed, approaches her.

“William was whisked to the nursery to be examined right when Scully was wheeled to the E.R and then the recovery ward. She hasn’t held him since the delivery and she’s not going to sleep again until she does.”

“I understand, sir,” the nurse says. "William can room-in with you two tonight. Just give us a few minutes.”

Nodding, thanking her, Mulder turns back to Scully with a smile, but seems content to pace by her bed as opposed to rejoining her in it.

“Mulder, why are you pacing?”

“I’m not pacing. I’m just stretching my legs.”

“By pacing.”

“What’s the big deal, Scully?”

“The big deal is you’re wearing your panic face, Mulder. What’s wrong?“

“Nothing! I’m just excited. Aside from the helicopter ride Will and I really haven’t had much guy-guy bonding time.”

“Well now’s your chance, Dad!” the nurse exclaims, wheeling William’s bassinet into the room. Placing it as close to Scully’s bed as she can.

“He woke up just a little while ago. But he’s not due for a feeding for another three hours.”

Gently lifting William the nurse goes to hand him to Mulder, gives him a smile. All the while he has a nervous one plastered on his face.

“Mr. Mulder?”

“Yeah? What?”

“Are you ready to hold-”

“I’m ready,” Scully says, pressing the button on the side of the bed to raise it.

“Oh, okay, I just thought-“

“Let me hold my baby, please,” she says coolly, but beams as soon as William is situated in her arms. Cradling him close she brushes her lips on his tiny head.

The nurse exits and once she does, Mulder shakes his head, sinks down on the foot of the bed.

“How did you know?” he asks shyly.

“You were still wearing your panic face. Plus I could see your arms shaking from over here.”

“At least you picked up on it.”

“I’ve known you for seven years, Mulder. You’re not as much of an enigma as you wish you were,” Scully says with a smile, that fades seeing the look on his face.

“The last baby I held was Samantha after my parents brought her home. I didn’t want the EMT’s or the nurse to see how rusty I was.”

“You attended Lamaze class with me and held the doll!”

“Yeah but that doll wasn’t a tiny breathing human with tiny fragile bones and soft spots on its skull.“

Frowning, cuddling William closer Scully kisses his head again.

“Sorry. Too clinical?”

“Yeah, even for me,” she scoffs.

“Anyway, now that we’ve established our newborn son is fragile, come here.”

“You sure? I don’t want to go crowding the two of you.“

“Mulder, come here.”

Nodding, refusing to jostle her Mulder squishes himself into the small space to the right of her.

“Okay, now remember from class, just make sure his head is supported. You’ll be fine.”

Nervously he sits up straight in bed, locks his arms that are starting to quiver again.

“Mulder, if you’re that tense your arms will be too stiff and they’ll get sore. There’s no reason for you to be this nervous!”

“I can’t help it, Scully.“

“You know you’re his father, right?” she asks gently, earning a frown.

“What are you talking about? Of course I know, I-”

“I feel like you don’t, Mulder. More often than not you call William my son, my baby. He’s yours, too.”

“Scully, I-“

“He knows your voice. The Gunmen gave me a tape recorder of yours where you’d log your old case notes. I played it in the apartment when I was pregnant.”

“My recorded voice sounds terrible, Scully. You probably gave the kid nightmares,”

“He’d kick whenever he heard you after you came back,” Scully says, giving him a soft smile.

“And look, he’s got your chin, Mulder. His lips have your pout, too.”

“You don’t have to do this, Scully. W…William’s mine,” he stammers, lowering his eyes.

“I know I didn’t take ownership of that right when I got back but I didn’t doubt that he-“

“Then hold him for me, Mulder,” she demands but he breaks out in a sweat. Bowing his head he gets out of bed, runs his hand through his hair.

“You told me when I woke up and wanted to see him that we were going to be able to keep him safe, Mulder. Do you believe that? Or are you keeping your distance from him now because you don’t actually know?”

“He’s safe with you, Scully!” he snaps, turning around. "The safest that boy is ever going to be is where he is right now. With you.”

“But not with you? Is that what you’re trying to tell me? Damn it, Mulder, you’re his father and-“

“And where have fathers gotten me? You know the story better than anyone, Scully. I got my genes from a black lunged son of a bitch and perpetual mind games from the man that raised me.”

“And that’s why you didn’t want to take ownership? Why you still won’t? You think you’re no better than Spender?!”

“I don’t know! But I’m scared shitless to find out!”

“Mulder…” Scully whispers, blinking back tears as he walks over to the chair in the corner, folds himself into it. He’s clearly uncomfortable, but appears content to stay there the rest of the night

Kissing William on the head, Scully sits up, winces before setting him in the bassinet. She drifts off not long after, only to wake an hour later in a cold sweat, realize her pain meds are wearing off.

She knows she’s won’t receive more from the IV drip for another half hour, and knows the best thing she can do is try and roll over and sleep some more. But hearing William whimper she jolts up, bends over to slowly lift him from the bassinet.

Shushing him, cradling him close, she frowns when he doesn’t settle, starts wailing louder.

“Shhh…shh, it’s okay, baby. It’s okay.”

“Scully…are you-“

“I’m fine, Mulder,” she snaps, though he can see as he stands up that’s clearly not the case. For her or for William.

“Is he hungry, Scully? Does he need to be-“

“I don’t know! I…I don’t know,” she chokes out, feeling even more sore now and too tired to even think.

“Are you due for more pain meds yet?” Mulder asks, as she shakes her head.

“Not for another half hour.“

“Look, let me get the nurse, Scully. See if she can settle him-“

“No, damn it! I can’t just hand him off to someone every time he starts crying!”

“You do in order for you to get some sleep!“

When she shakes her head stubbornly, looks on the verge of sobbing along with William, Mulder perches on the edge of the bed, moves to take him from her.

“Forget it, Mulder! If you were nervous to hold him before, I-“

“Let me just get him in his bassinet, Scully.”

Her arms starting to quiver now, she nods, eases the baby into Mulder’s arms  She can see the fear in his eyes as he gently cradles him to his chest, takes painstakingly slow steps around the bed to the bassinet. But before he reaches it William’s shrieks downgrade to small whimpers, softer sounding mews. Standing in front of the bassinet now, Mulder looks down at him in amazement, can’t help but laugh.

“He stopped, Scully! He..he stopped-“

“Shhh, I know. Don’t wake him up!”

“I…I got him to stop. That..that was all me?”

Nodding, relaxing back into the pillows Scully smiles, sniffs back tears.

“I told you. You’re his father.”

“Yeah..you hear that, bud?” Mulder grins, his arms steady as he cradles William closer still. “I…I’m your father.”

[tenaciouscupcaketaco]

60 Newest Poems By Mario W. Vitale

Bio Of Mario William Vitale The language and images of Mario Vitale's poetry are so closely bound to the natural cycles of seasons, of generations, of the body's functioning, that is surprising to realize how many of his poems deal with uprootedness. But this poetry is not sentimental celebration of the goodness of nature, and harmony with the world is never assumed. The way he captures the tenuousness of this faith, the balance that must be found between the ugliness, the harshness of his history- both natural annd social- and its intense beauty, is what distinguishes Vitale's poetry, gives it its depth and dimension: Mario William Vitale Biography I was born in 1970 Bristol hospital. A young nurse took me in her arms and said that I would one day become a success, As the years would pass I was heavy in the arts used to sing and act. Was an altar boy at St. Pius Church. In time I would act in my senior class play, "The Mystery Of Edwin Drood" Where I had the lead role as the Narrator, I touched many hearts with that performance in 1989, Was hospitalized with mono that same year for two weeks long, Also that same year I became prom king of my class Wolcott High School, After the break up with my first grilfriend in 1989 I wrote the poem entitled, "Remembrance of a loved one" where I had it published on poetry.com Attempted plays: Tartuffe, Miracle Of St. Anthony and Balm in Gieade, (His poetic aspirations had derived at 18 in 1989 from submitting his first poem entitled, "Remembrance Of A Loved One"- (Sparrowgrass Poetry Forum) Attended Central Connecticut State University For Creative Writing: 1997 Next from 1989-1997 (Wrote primarily for Poetry.com and The International Library Of Poetry) , * Received editors choice award in 1997 for poem, " A Beacon Of Light ", (1998)Sent poetic manuscript to N.Y. Time Magazine and Chief Editor " John Hyland". Back with rave reviews! * (From 1999-2008: Had adapted a real keen sense of style for writing poetry: (1999- Sent Editorial to: New Man Magazine for the Passion of Christ Movie; Sent followup letter to company with poetry platform information attached, * 2000-2007: Magazine: (Catholic)Maries Rose Ferron Magazine submitted poem" Beacon Of Light", which had excellent editorial reviews as the outset! 2008- Wrote poem entitled: (The Heavy Cross)to Poetry.com* Achieved Poetry status of work of Excellence in writing from the Academy Of American Poetry in which still having received rank and status as a member of Academy; (The Connecticut Poetry Society) * Short story submitted entitled, "China Dog Ray" submitted to Virginia Writers Quarterly, West Virginia, Also having member status on their board of Poetry. Attribute Poetry to an ever increasing love of God and his unconditional love that he has for us in return, Thankfulness toward family and friends.(To our past ancestors who fought to uphold freedom that far too many of us take for granted? My contemporary artists include that of Ellan Bryant Voight, Kay Ryan and Carl Phillips.Which all three are Participants in the Academy Of American Poetry Having been a member since 2006, My work reflects the likes of past poets such as C.S.Lewis, Hawthorne and Edgar Allen Poe. Most of my work reflects with the values of religious beliefs intact In my personal view it is essential in demonstrating a real heart of creative passion! The reader I believe will benefit by my artistic style of development in a very positive light.) After experiencing a life transformation encounter.I had realized that poetry is my unique way to convey myself my work speaks from the heart with pure sentiments of though intact, As the years passed I would write over 4,000 poems and 5 short stories toward my platform, My poetry is based on the free verse style of writing, Was published in 10 venues such as Writerscafe, Neopoet, Hello poetry, Poem Hunter, Booksie, Poetryvibe, Poetrysoup, Starlifecafe.com, Poets Know It & poetry.com... I was saved by God at the tender age of nine in Charlotte Carolina where I came to know the Lord that was in 1979, Today I continue to write poetry was published on Spillwords, High On Poetry, Tuck Magazine & Setu Magazine. My main emphasis in writing poetry is to share with the mass populace touching many hearts. Hope you can read my poetry. Sea Stacks skipped rocks through a stream today the opening of a brand new day its frame is in minor decay the bleached wood massed in bone piles, we pulled it from dark beach and built fire in a fenced clearing the posts' blunt stubs sank down the circled and were roofed by milled lumber dragged at one time to the coast We slept there Each morning the minus tide- weeds flowed it like hair swimming The starfish gripped rock, pastel, rough. Fish bones lay in sun Each noon the milk fog sank from cloud cover, came in our clothes and held them tighter on us. Sea stacks stood and disappeared They came back when the sun scrubbed out the inlet Life Force through the flame cover me in silent sound dignity for with what one is willing to achieve valiantly feel the breeze nestled through the trees shaped through your dreams a piercing of the skin new hearts to begin again Choices Many have a hard time understanding They live for self and that of society They are the walking dead yet they don't even know it Eyes with blackened spots having holes Viscous fangs with blood dripping off the side You share with them the truth They choose to run away & hide Yet deep inside they may still question Why am i here ? They can't even help you Cause they won't help themselves They are the scum of the land Much too afraid to stand among the son of man A bitter taste Do they want salt or sugar coated messages Positive reinforcement strengthens the heart Negativity kills it Each of us has been given a choice We must lend a helping hand with a voice All of us have been given a choice Now which pathway will you choose ? Emerald City There’ll be no unemployment in heaven. No worry about the next meal. There’ll be no bills to harass us, and thieves will not break in and steal. In heaven, we’ll have no need for money; Everything up there will be free. We’ll enjoy God’s unsearchable riches, and have unending security. I’m looking forward to heaven, that land that is fairer than day. Where all will be joy and gladness, and sorrow and care will flee away. Up there, no mean words will be spoken. Each heart will be filled with pure love. We’ll never be hurt or rejected, in the beautiful city above. There will be no disappointment or heartache. God will wipe all the tears from our eyes. No one will ever be lonely, and there’ll be no anguished good-byes. Up there, the love we have for each other, by each heart will be shared equally. And we’ll have all the things that we’ve longed for, and at last we will really be free Little Angel Hope springs a new On a cloud in heaven Stand a heavenly angel With mere beauty of crystalized light Golden emblems encrusted their frame Sweet songs drifting to a very faint whisper Eyes, hands & face A real message sent down to earth To care for those lonely souls all alone There beauty is a surprise to encounter Slipping through locked doors to appear Many have shed a tear to numb the inner pain Causing accidents not to happen They appear in the form of brightened miracles We see them with a heart all a glow Come to the birth of a new born baby Come to servicemen who just joined the navy You will see them at a graveyard setting Even among gamblers who do there betting There all around us you see For all of life is but a mystery These Flames I Live turn back the tear drop pillow I'm sick to my stomach suffering alone and hard piercing cavity of viscious fangs that bite illusive impulsive the rant These flames I live my right to forgive undercover beyond the means living in a land of mean barren sea a shot in the dark to light the spark many are left in rebellion what an incredible talent Vitale is he is the poet of all poets the moment you met him perfect ten a chick lying with her hens a quest... flaws and failures yes he wears Depends a trip to the zoo nothing new Laughter Laughter fills the scented air through days exposed the timeless hour of a loathsome mast expounded upon the cavity of debris develop a grateful heart that one may impart look close through a pillar of glass a vergence sea out beyond the interpass a halo with a song to help you get along the sight of a fawn on the lawn greed and materialism will crush out the light in your life penetration by the holy spirit a heart change has to happen one must be open to the message care for your brother help for your pale sister one ear on the floor a cause for more through fetters got it made to even out the score Unending Brigade I ask myself politely what resistance flowers here against love treaded lightly or losing lovingness dear? give cadence to the simple, for I gave ammunition to the laughter we should we ever falter the timeless whisper of happening golden nuggets of thought & inspiration braids my hair with a great deal of wear through the conclaves of love's fastened grip shadows block the vortex to aid its message The Dream Police they come to my head at the side of my bed they are enforcing my sleep give cadence to a treat a far from ports unknown like a dog without a bone giving tickets to be enforced every time I have a dream forces scream Of Time & Dreams Father's gold pocket watch measured heartbeats, times for surgery and the slow drip of an IV all else in his life was overture to main events, like birth and death of those the family never knew Steps from my childhood dreams to his were counted in places where treasure were wet pebbles and the pulse of life was seen in raindrops on the lake now the watch is mine, and i yearn to throw it like a pebble into the past, to see it skip and yield to places we never shared, like blue-green eddies near the shore and grasses curled by the win Yet, warming in my palm, the measurer of his days seems to sing the music of turning points where drying dreams meet others born anew, emerging through images of caring to rhythms more than metrical that i've yet to understand The Land Of Dreams When you fall asleep at night, your mind goes into an eerie flight You can open the gate with the key of thought, and don't have to do what you've been taught You sing, and dance, and prance all day and you act so happy and also gay You run in circles and run into the trees, and cut your elbows and scrape your knees But sometimes you open the wrong gate, and find yourself facing a terrible fate There are monsters, ghouls and also grouches, and then you wish you were on confortable couches And when you're done and almost through, your mind knows exactly what to do you go back through that eerie flight it may be day it may be night And when your mind comes back to you, you may wake up and have the flu You could leave for school very late, and find out that it's the wrong date And you could play outside in the streams but you will know that you entered "The Land Of Dreams." Old Crow Old crow Tired and lazy' against the day Dark skies Lost in blacks and whites and grays Howling north wind Sure takes a man's fight away Wastelands, A dreamer's home on his best day Hard rain Drops the leaves and makes the colors fade And talks cheap, But for the words of time they'll ave the last say Oh the words of time, they'll have the last say And the harvest is in, it wasn't much May I have enough to get by The baskets were light, not a muscle ached And somehow I feel I'm going to die The winter is coming and the signs say hard I've never seen such a haunting sky For on the mountains, frost in the wind And somehow I feel I'm going to die Full moon Lonely above the old oak tree line Old crow Hanging empty in the black sky And a nighthawk Circles her in silence as she flies Old crow, all alone she flies Pheonix the blazing glory of a loving night Disappears in the sun's bright morning light All efforts to recall that glorious pain Fade in the dawn to be sought in vain but the memory clings of precious glory that will not become an old, dull story instead that memory promises anew that love will spring forth and again renew with every joining of two loving souls again will emerge from the fading coals a love renewed by the glowing embers so that this night, too, will be remembered. Soul Search When I look into your eyes I see the sunshine and rain, The deeper I look and also see Various kinds of pain; I can see the kind, warm love that filters thru, To surface at the top when you’re not blue, I have seen and know your hopes and fears The good and bad times you have thru years, You have seen and felt so much I’m glad our lives did touch Look deep into my eyes and you will find The heartaches and happiness that were also mine Come With Me Come with me and be my friend Lets create a fantasy just you & me lets linger through the wind and feel free lets run through the sand and make time stand still so we can treasure this moment Only until The mystical ocean touches our souls and fills our hearts with love come with me and I'll show you What I have to give come with and I'll describe The life I dreamed we'd live come with and hold me gently and watch the retiring sun slowly set Shower me with all your love pretending we just met Whenever you need me I'll be there To help lift your spirits and I want to care About you come with and be my love no longer a fantasy just you & me This time only A reality... Mario William Vitale. has been featured on Hubpages.com, Starlitecafe.com & Poetry soup. Vitale lives with his elderly mother Ann Soulier in Wolcott, Ct. Currently has written well over 1,000 poems & 2 short story's toward credit platform. Vitale has taken the poetic world by storm being featured on Google, Yahoo & MSN. Looks up to contemporaries in the poetry industry such as John Ashbery & Major Jackson. Has been a favorite featured poet reader at Barnes & Noble in Waterbury, Ct. Also featured on such sites as Poetry soup, Writer's café & Neo Poet Personifications Of Oceanic Thoughts whispers sun lit morn the surf hits the turf smells of salt air through the moment savor each moment as the memory lasts bask in the vast expanse between time & space sounds of children playing seaweed next to the rocks along the cobblestone walkway solace torn up in the derision of peace with solidarity we were made for moments such as these seagulls flock overhead remember me in thoughts as these whisk through the breeze capture one's inner sense alas with angelic fervor permeates a flame of life's torn reality a new to face the day Follow Your Heart Magic breathes life in our hearts Destiny resides in our souls Our path now shimmers unshadowed by the night With one embrace partnered by a tender kiss, the bounds of time and distance crumble through fingers like drifting grains of sand Dream time is the place where I am alive Green eyes ripple into lipid pools where miracles draw me to your heart I am free to swim by your side until the sun sets and rises with you again Life is my dream I love you Cynthia When at night I close my eyes, to think all the days gone by, to feel again those passions past, and feeble joy that never lasts, I'm always drawn to thoughts of you, my only love my Cynthia I think I found you in a dream then we celebrate, the night I pressed beyond the seam, where fantasy and reality meet in summer mist so soft and sweet, But you were all I ever felt, my deepest love, my Cynthia But dreams just last within the night, when morning came, Her soul took flight I awake to find Her never there She passes like the misty air To leave me longing and alone, my painful love, my Cynthia Enigma love you swell the heart, to crush the same when lovers part But whether love and joy you bring or bitter pain and Death's cold sting I plead you come to me again, my final love, My Cynthia For My Precious Son You're standing in the doorway. Your workday is all done. He waits to see you everyday, this boy that is your son. He hopes you will go fishing. He hopes you'll shoot the gun. He just wants to be with you, this boy that is your son. He is your spitting image. To him you are ''The One''. He hopes to be just like you, this boy that is your son. You show him what a man is. You teach as you have fun. You are admired as well as loved by this boy that is your son. You've got a friend forever. Until the world is done. Then, still you will be holding this man that is your son. I'm Just A Poetical Lyricist I’m just having fun, but no doubt someone will take this serious I’m about to take you on a lyrical experience I’m having fun with words, like when a baby first starts reading books Saying I’m good at rhyming, Is like saying Mike Tyson packs a decent punch I best mention the Kardashians other wise you’ll have trouble keeping up Me with a pen is more dangerous than Michael Myers on Halloween when he starts slashing with the knife Telling me I can’t rhyme, is the biggest mistake you’ve made since you let your ex Back in to your life Speaking of exes, will someone please date mine I promise she’ll give you a great time I’ll pay for the date, its all on me All I ask, is please be good enough to get her to stop calling me I love Hip Hop, and yeah I know I’m white Please be creative and tell me how I’m the new Vanilla ice Or how I should walk right back across 8 mile I could have thrown this into my waste pile But I just wanted to write some joke lines and have some fun Sick of hearing rappers talk about drugs and how they pack a gun “yeah I’m Bad. I’ll make this Uzi Squirt” You don’t know who Nas is, And think the greatest rapper is Lil Uzi Vert Or some other mumble rapper with lame rhymes You deserve to have Biggie and Big Pun sit on you at the same time Some guy called Young Thug is wearing dresses That’s not something I have a problem with My problem is There’s so much going on in the world and these rappers are scared to address it What happened to Hip-Hop when rappers would share a message? Nas, Big Daddy Kane, Slick Rick, I could name so many more Now its a bunch of dudes who sound the same with empty thoughts I’d pretend to be from the hood and blast guns but I’d fail I’d rather be the real me, and I’m far too cute to go to Jail I just love Hip Hop and the way it used to be You always get the truth from me someone tell Rihanna I’m ready to give her the best 30 seconds of her life Tell her she’ll only regret it if I become a legend when I die Knowing she could of had me This is my last piece of paper, I’m now pad free I was watching rap battles on YouTube, So took you on this lyrical experience I’m just a poetical lyricist Rapula back in the day where hustlers stayed there were those very afraid he was born in the gutter his momma was a vamp selling her junk in the trunk of a car up all night slept all day he was blown from the frey viscious fangs that bite two turn tables with a mic insisted on a fight sucking the innocent patrons for blood right in the hood like you knew he would Rapula the man, the myth & the legend could very often see him in the back of a seven eleven drinking red slurpees took folks block by block like giving him a heart attack just to fit his mold no one came against him until that day in the crib Rapula lost his lobster bib very often you will see him at the 8th Street Station spinning his records there will never be another blood sucking brother so move over he's taking cover Rapula wore a high hat tip on his temple driving a white Benz looking like Baretta I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me Supernatural but it's so true the world hasn't a single clue borrowed basement pews stained glass windows a reflection of the cross some will go before the toss he was there from the beginning he is the only one that's winning perfumed stockings and a breath of fresh air the willingness to share how you really care if you have seen him you have seen the father Jesus Stop The Madness All of sudden reality happens Ruining my mind that's already jumbled "where the hell did i just go?" I ask to myself no one listens Obsecurity is still in me Recognizing situation where i have been Looking up the sky it's already dark Worrying something, i need to get up Home, i need to find home Stepping forward to pass the crowd The longer i go, the quieter it's so Taking my glasses off because its fogged Focusing my lens but the blur shows sigh Now melancholy does it again Lack of knowledge about locations Lack of someone to be asked for And there is no light to guide me on Vision, direction, companion I wish i could make them clearer But in reality, they just disappear Shaman Within I met a dead poem in the shade of spring. I was so sad I could hear the door bell ring through the furtherance of a smile I became unglued shadows block the motive bruised. Beyond the sky set flight Prison Of The Mind able to be smart without words its a topic of conversation through words spilled out on the ancient path meditate lights out beg, bitch & pout the underscore read stop I'm keeping on keeping transfused and weeping table talking swallow its extremities move the levee strong will survive thank God I'm alive the moments the solitude alone vibrations fixed temptations sensations... take me to the prison three squares a day a pillow and I pray nestled the mood away Getting Ahead Of God hearken onto the voice of a still small way let God show you the new found way look deep into the cause of wisdom seek the shelter God give the children right parents to help bring them up you never miss out in obeying God when you start off in life without God your in the wrong direction God will tell you what he wants you to do if you ask him to your life will be filled with joy, peace & happiness the issue is its not your age but what is the will of God for your life God always has your best when we wait on God you can't tell by the way it works by the way it counts you may have get by in life but you must deny yourself people have to go through disaster before you surrender your life each time we take a leap of our own choice we lose out of the will of God you'll be disapointed the issue is what does God want for your life he acts on behalf on the one who waits on him you can't get God's guidance if your living in sin happiness, joy, peace & satifaction are very valuable you made some choices but God will forgive you if you repent for them its a decision we make if we confess our sins he is faithful & just to forgive us it is a choice you make remember you reap what you sow you can't avoid or escape the things of your soul whether your 16 or 67 its time you made a decision and surrender to God I pray that every person that hears this message will stop to think of what they have done in life Take It All In God is a closer friend come back to New England plants, rocks, shrubs & things suddenly I'm waiting here for you it's a tick or take Sunday afternoon waiting by the rocks they surface with untimely leaves the leagues plagued with devastation the beef stock through the goldie locks of here hair Summertime is no better time got this crazy feeling I'm so glad that your feeling for me with your heart you can unite the heart Changes a smile from a lonesome child transformed through the eyes the timeless cavity unleashed through diverse port of space in time the child in time grew now in there teens sees the world through a fine tooth comb at home being alone the horrific scene through adolescence its a coincidence now as an adult able to leap tall buildings with a single bound the smile deminishes onto sophistication almost a loose cannon pronounced news to its folly cover me with those tender leaves falling from the stream let loose on my caboose the stars all glitter in the darkness of night Pilgrims Progress We need great golden copulations in the cemetery bury your head beneath the limbs in part of a ghostly resolve perhaps this was the path Brother Lawrence tred alone underneath the interpass of denial of speculation we have nursed path each quatrum with a deafening blow to stand in one accord to each other as pilgrims rest after harvest time Apple butter jam spread on fresh home made bread the reflections of a timid squirrel on a limb we have become immeasurable by your smile she danced in a ring of fire yet throws of each challenge with a shrug the cost of the pilgrims progress we shall never know bust up the beat to promote its tempo a beacon of light to a much hurting world in search of love Does death hurt you the most or is it fear beneath the timeless swell I live to tell sought through the variation to its cosmic flame Careless Whisper a shoulder tender shelter to lie next together, the swelter of a careless whisper left tempted shelter lies dormant onto its beckoning plough to thirst united with the throne billow with asps of the new day's pride thank God I'm still alive to delve into the ridges of each dishes kisses the torment of each smile bruisded reed tmpered on its poll the thought of vanity among humanity the faint of your legacy Spirit To Touchdown Ten years since her husband's death she still craved the sight of him and his magnetic smile coming in the door, his suitcoat slung over his back. She yearned to glance at him in a long black coat, resembling a materialized laser beam, as they prepared to go out for an evening, or in old bluejeans walking barefoot with her on the seashore. She knew he was always with her... but wanted his spirit to touchdown My Elephant There is something about the Elephant I love very much, I wish I could cuddle him but I know I cannot, if they be my friend, I will play soccer with an Elephant on my side, I will catch hold of his trunk and he’ll trumpet me to victory with pride. There is something about the Elephant I love very much. Although he is so big, he won’t give you a fright, He lifts up his trunk and blesses you instead, So different from the Lion and Tiger you meet, There is something about the Elephant I love very much He is a pure vegetarian, he won’t kill a mouse, He is worshiped as God for all his good vice. If we were to crown the king of the jungle again, It will go to the Elephant our vegetarian friend Proud To Be An American I’m proud to be American To live In a country that’s free And we’re free to be who We want to be! We’re always Free to try New things. And enjoy every Experience that Life may bring! And I was taught To stand up for what You believe in And never give up On your hopes And dreams Because the sky Is the limit! Beach Canopy The smell of fresh fry doe Time had elapsed playing at the casino Fresh lobster with a side order of fries Those spacious wonderful sky's Down at the shell the continental were playing A walk by the lady of a statue in waiting Flip flops and the sound of laughter A playground for kids in the middle The boardwalk with seagulls flocking over head Fire works in the midnight air with a cheer Love We Go through the sweet vortex of our inner frame we can dream of far off places with kings and queens shaped through the fragments of are exploits someday you will be all alone in your room there you will read a text to reflect upon your life we each are on a journey in this life some ponder the existence of God other reflect in the day to day toil love is the mere essence of are existence shine your inner light upon the twilight hour shadows block the mere reflection of my frame not having you in my arms is driving me insane lest I refrain another door by which to explore there is so much more in this game of life within its given strife we can learn one soul soars and another will soon burn we better wait are turn in this wheel in the sky the faint lulabye in its scope Elvis In Vegas Viva Viva Los Vegas he came alone with a guitar in his sack romance with the dice he's giving back a whole host of onlookers looking upon he waves his magic wand with a favorable song swivel hips stand tight in his sticks Elvis Fun House a blade of grass blown in the wind heros have erected its course leading folks away from divorce in times of remembrances thoughts shattered in the wind coming apart at the seams a brigade of thoughts What is a funhouse ? It is when the eyes of all are upon you It's not so, but when you go through it is true The funhouse is a form of torture where everything unravels around you It is a commotion of nervousness and you just want to hide from all that is around you It is a secret that you don't want to share, but there is one who helps just by saying I care It's not what you say it is what you do When you enter my world of the funhouse, you assure me that God is in control that with him I don't need to be afraid It's the gentle way in which you talk when once you have entered into the realm of commotion... It's the assurance of your sincerity that softens the blow Soon with your special way the inner strife goes away A Thief in The Night Jesus he that hath an ear let him hear when all was said to be good let it be said calamity have you ever been down to the lowest pit you look around and no one gave a shit By His Hand through long lines of being transformed to clean my room in the late month of June we move too soon we remain vital to the oncoming spirit of the game filtered through those tiny reasons to spice up the season the God Lord up above has carried us by his hand Poison Ivy there are pillars being built for those who pusue the chase we each are in a battle some have retreated at death's door lest I implore something more a quaint visitation with your higher power in a world torn up in misery & sorrow hiding behind a false hidden garb of compromise can't we easily see through those twised lies yet we embark on a new journey of are own having a house but living all alone out in the street where people meet had a gun at my head thought i was really dead out of devastation I reached right for the bottle like having a gun in hand to release its throttle the world is in misery torn some insist to curse they very day they were born eyes to see but can't hears to hear but won't there's a true lesson to be learned one soul soars while the other soon to be burned we must all wait in line for are turn each of us will have a day in the sun now I'm off on the run searching through pictures to put on my wall to stand ten feet tall amidst the social resistance join in now I must insist this casualties are enormous for a stated cause that's plain atrocious have we taken the time out to notice yet many of us have given up way to easy caught in a rut in are society out of desperation there still is a plan that we can see someday be fulfilled as a reality if we only believe one will be set free Break Away break away to a brand new day perfect display we come to pray faint sounds of grandeur right down to the wire share with those you have heard Thirst thirst after the water that has been spoken look deep beneath the vines of realization through thought and mind breath deep inside let your breath go complete with words of heightened anticipation go deep upon deeper be the keeper of the gate call it fate the twist and turn of the music to loose it the world spins like a top negotiate your buyer sweet songs of praise sweet moments raised in a time well spent in thought the spinning wheel stop just like a top remember me in times like these sheltered through the breeze crushed upon the leaves in midnight hour with pulse through the flame in moments of granduer sharpen your arrows to calm the breeze nestled to your knees cultivated with a smile to know all the great while a helmet for the passing fawn the bear from its nap with a yawn in columns of portals sprinkled dust in the wind the habitation of a needle visible through the shadows remember me in times like these through the training of the leaves taunt the moment an explosion until sunset the bill of sale A Gun For Hire there is a direct correlation between time & space scented across your universe base the climb to approach the summit peak with words do you seek famous qoutes and pictures for your desire coming down to the wire a gun for hire Beyond Her Tea- Blurred Vision The powerful voice of loneliness is screaming through her mind of twisted halls, All too painful to hear, she absorbs them into her cotton ball walls But, beyond her tea-blurred vision and through her pounding heart She hears the voice inside her that is worse than a dagger through her heart Her shadow's darkest moments are filled with hopeless pride And her tongue tied conscience is all whom she has to confide But the rose that is trying to bloom, within her salty hand, will never wither, and never be taken away, Because this, and this alone, is what keeps her going day by day the embrace... Shelter From The Storm outside violence inner silence shadows now block the vortex spaces for places & midnight traces coming apart at the seams jelly beans breath deep my pale sister confide my shady brother undercover as lovers sign so simple the cripple shelter from the storm curse the very day you were actually born a world that turns suffer inside the place to hide let go of any ambition what are you bitching cap the cosmic clap faces in the window having storms in the night Celebrate In Twilight the crimsome tide we all want to run away & hide although we suffer inside enter through the canopy of a velvet song lines drawn in the sand when to understand give yourself away take heed to pray no cornerstone no bridge unknown through the sunlit ravine The Knight Of The 1,000 Eyes softly now faintly ode to the serpent's tale dismiss the dread to reclaim its saga in darkened dungeons fit for conquest come away for a rest most of life is but a test treasure the mantle to the I am presence delve into the sacred flames within your heart enter the center of your being pull back on yourself a still small voice within you saying be not afraid I am here I am your heart I abide in the holy temple in the center of your being you have climbed through mountains you have found me after a very long trek in the darkness of human misery I am the pressence that looks through your eyes the knight will rise of the 1, 000 eyes filtered through the shame who are we to blame infinity is my measure you beloved heart belong to me let us be one once again allow the shell of outer human pass away I will be the service to life that passes through you do not accept as real to what is in the outer world fear not I am the life inside your heart I am inside you together we must intoduce ourselves onto the world. A Gripping Fairy Tale long ago let the truth be told in a city far far away lived a young hobbit who drank there was woods to hide his visitation a taste of hungry exoneration A fare maiden was on the throne ruling her army from the barren city enclosed was a message of honor high off traction from the waiting pool the kingdom was now silent These Words these words are wrapped among a cordial smile cemented like glue for what are we to do come now let us leave the door opened, a demonstration of trust in a world in quite a bit of a rush the door swings wide to the enforced way a beautiful flower display ample time to pray therefore everything will be o.k. the knock on the door lest I implore a distant shuttter of languished circumstances with a heart that's been renewed these words stand still amidst the night's appeal the even keal behind the spinning wheel trust is completely most like a seagull off the coast a reason to really trust Surfing The Internet Today I'm on point smoking a fat joint relaxing basking in the ambiance of the hour folks need to take a cold shower as they admire the scented perfume through the room we have become combersome with this world as a child as if you never really heard Leonard Cohen with his famed song "Suzanne" really makes you think about life. Through the negative light of affliction we have every bit of reason to be standing chosen yet we have are back against the wall when all attempts of standing ten feet tall, Each of us has a reason to discuss the mere notion of love sent from up above Rat tit tat tat on that ass no one gets by on any free pass we need to make are way look to your neighbor for any favors we can all learn to trust & savor Each new moment that comes along with a fast paced moving vibrant song you unleashed the inner lion in me with a whole host of chemistry Surfing the internet may not be your thing but prayer can unleash the fires within storms of life come to either make you or break you whats news for you might not be for you life is like a jagged edge roller coaster with its twists and turns one soul soars while the other one burns just wait your turn Empty Leaves onto the seventh hour of the seventh sun beckon to rule the new day's dawn the lovely fawn sitting on the lawn vibrations to great temptations captivated by a smile to know all the great while the wilderness beckons a response of wild beasts among us Light Brevity thoughts of brevity about the city stay close to me a whole host next to me got rhymes of choice stretched to the opened door the willingness to be explored stand firm in the wheel chair you know my condition to what I've been dishing kissing twisted stereo lies by the bars swift no surprise captivated by her smile still to know all the great while as if a little child faith pierced the scene eating fantastic cuisine the turning of the page is it safe to ask you your age ? the band played on Agatha The Princess she was on the throne far away from her home uniting hearts to ne fond heights carrying herself with a song Agatha the princess will lose their influence soaring to new frontiers left her to tears took walks in her garden beautiful flower display led to thoughts to pray with tears in her eyes came as a big surprise delicate hue wth borrowed lies she walks the flats on the lonely pier rapers and dishes she would hide leave behind the careless whisper a shoulder to cry the soft cascading vamp shine on her eyes to beg or even borrow moments of sorrow to cleave to her young the living stone have we just begun Back To The Front plunged into uncertainty the quest to be a want to be shining on mental enhancement there's joy in the progress smoke on my ceiling highway of what I'm dealing Heroin bang bang shoot shoot you took my nephew Shane let me be the first to explain Shane used to live with us so long ago until he shot up heroin he died in are house such a dark force it starts with a promise to relieve then one gets too deep falling apart at the seams beg, borrow & steal for your next fix to even the deal some take it with a needle others snort it up their nose but do you suppose there's always a shipment coming from Rhode Island dodge the bullet feel the passion why am I asking heroin scores a perfect 10 in the mind of an addict it takes your body then your soul engulfed in flames bust up the beat to promote its tempo Soft Parade the tear drop fell from the ceiling no matter what I'm dealing the ocean has a delicate spray through loose lines let it go time well spent in thought through the day springs hope left nestled on its undertow the stereo swell basking in the hour of belief sorted flowers in its incredible epitaph The Waiting Suspense there are pillars in doorways loosed to become forgiven loose engine the pulsating of a river where is the trigger gets bigger & bigger Destination Excellence the thought of letting go a far to time before waiting to explore the opened door life can be quite a bore the longing for more road up ahead avoid the living dead thoughts inside my head The Arms Of Rap into the arms of rap that's where its at buiding through the confusion in fusion got flames coming out my baseball cap I'm in need of a nap keep close to the doorway fresh rhymes I'm still on time you maybe brave see me at the arcade park my Benz in back folks tend to over react but I tip my hat got news for you all bridge the gap know what's up Chilling at the grill with my girl sporting heavy studs think that I'm in love you see there's brilliance in a piece mark the ege of my teeth stand still & repeat bars watching souped up body kit cars looking to the stars a view from Mars Pina Colada does anyone grow fond of Starsky & Hutch another push grasping with tender faith in my hand when will folks understand stick it to the man years have passed still having every reason to grasp the solitude in that I'm still in a good mood... Feeling high anxiety got folks sitting next to me living out my legacy of what I used to be Sipping my favorite sauce to the max you tend to over react got to stay in the zone Summer time boogy time get your cash and stand in line frozen in time Through a variation of a dream peeps do scream eating delicious ice cream Souped up high hat as if in a tempo taking you places that you need to go playing a little Spanish fly i got words by the fly your my favorite guy on my human side stand still I'm happily alive got to put first things first this is how i flirt got words for Lavert put back your gold in a purse Trump is getting busy but he makes me awful dizzy better listen to Thin Lizzy they say i'm institutionalized but I got words from the hive it's best to dream big Let Yourself Be A reflection I will be, for today I looked into a mirror and much to my surprise, what I saw was all deep, deep, inside... There it was, all exposed, the inner me right down to my very soul alarmed, shocked, and surprised, what I saw wasn't really me on the outside What have I done ? Where did it go wrong ? Why isn't the inner me the same as the outer soul ? Then I could see way beyond it isn't just me, but everyone. Life is a fairy tale to most for the really don't accept the Holy Ghost If all would look within their self, and see the person that is there, open up your heart, let it out don't pretend, just be proud, for the person you really are, is just what God wanted for he created you as he chose Don't fret, or whine, just be proud, life's riches you will surely find Now when you look at me, a mirror you will see for when you look at me, what you'll see is the inner me For I am the mirror of the real me To everyone in life who feels they are not special, you really are, you see, for God made you that way, if you'll only let yourself be...

[ramialkarmi]

A 24-year old got a mysterious disease where her body attacked her brain — and scientists are learning it's more common than they thought

When she was 24 years old, Caroline Walsh started having disturbing symptoms, like forgetfulness and sudden behavior changes.

Doctors incorrectly diagnosed her several times before she was properly diagnosed with autoimmune encephalitis, a disease in which the body attacks itself and targets the brain.

New research suggests the disease may affect up to 90,000 people each year.

There's a blank year in 26-year-old Caroline Walsh's once-spotless memory.

She's pieced parts together from stories her friends have told her and a collection of photos on Facebook. But she cannot remember the day it all began — when her father found her in the middle of a seizure, her body writhing on the floor. She also can't remember waking up with her hands tied to a hospital bed, begging her sister to help her escape, or the next day when she proclaimed she was the Zac Brown Band.

Instead, Walsh's first recollection of that time is of a recovery room filled with family and flowers. By then, her doctors had diagnosed her with a mysterious disease called autoimmune encephalitis, or AE. While there's lot we still don't know about the condition, experts believe it's part of a larger class of illnesses in which the body turns on itself. A new study from Mayo Clinic researchers suggests it's a lot more common that previously thought. In fact, AE may occur just as frequently as cases of regular encephalitis, the brain swelling caused by viral infections. If that's the case, it could be impacting roughly 90,000 people around the world every year.

In Walsh's case, the disease attacked her brain, setting off a chain reaction of symptoms that mimicked those of other mental illnesses like depression and schizophrenia. If treated properly and early enough, people with AE can make a near-complete recovery. But if they go undiagnosed or land in a psychiatric ward, they can die.

Something brewing

A stroll down a real street called Memory Lane in London leads you to the London Institute of Psychiatry, where J.A.N. "Nick" Corsellis sliced into the brains of three corpses and found the first evidence of AE.

Deep in the dense part of the brain called the limbic system, the normally lithe network of rubbery-smooth tissue had become puffy and inflamed. It was as if something had attacked it from within.

Most of the people these brains once belonged to had been diagnosed with cancer, then seemed to make a full recovery. But their personalities began to change. A partner or friend was usually the first to notice an odd shift in their behavior — usually a progressive increase in forgetfulness, though others experienced a sudden bout of mania or depression. A 58-year old bus driver found himself waking up most days not knowing where he was.

Corsellis saw inflammation in parts of the brain linked with memory and mood, but he couldn't explain what had caused the swelling that triggered the symptoms.

"The first question to arise ... is whether the assertion of a connection between carcinoma [cancer] and 'limbic encephalitis' is now justified, even if it cannot be explained,” he wrote in a 1968 paper in the journal Brain. It was first time the condition was mentioned in a scientific journal.

Walsh's symptoms became noticeable one day at work when she started repeating herself. She joked with a co-worker that she was coming down with early-onset Alzheimer's.

"I was just getting very confused all the time,” Walsh said.

The next week, more mysterious problems cropped up — Walsh had a knack for remembering names, but one day when she met up with some new friends, she introduced herself half a dozen times and struggled to commit anyone's name to memory.

"They'd say it and then a couple minutes later I'd have no clue what their name was or what we were even talking about," she said.

At the office the next day, things got worse. "My personality was just off. I thought it was work. I pulled my boss aside into a conference room and I started to cry, which was just not me," she said. When she wasn't feeling stressed and anxious, she felt depressed.

"Something was just brewing, I could feel it," she said.

When the body attacks itself

Our immune system is our body's defense against the outside world.

Most of the action is coordinated by white blood cells, which direct the lines of attack like football coaches, churning out antibodies that target the opponent for destruction.

But sometimes the process can go awry. In generating an immune response against a virus or other disease, the body can wind up up attacking itself — such issues are known as autoimmune diseases.

It's as if "some wires get crossed," Brenden Kelley, a neuroradiologist at Henry Ford hospital in Detroit who's part of the small community researching autoimmune encephalitis, told Business Insider last year.

Sometimes, this abnormal response can be caused by a virus like the flu or a bacterial infection. Other times, certain types of cancer appear to be the source.

"In picking targets that match the cancer, the body may also pick targets that match places in your body that don't have cancer," Kelley said.

The Mayo Clinic's new study, published in February in the journal Annals of Neurology, suggests that cases of autoimmune encephalitis aren't nearly as rare as researchers once believed. By drawing on data from the Rochester Epidemiology Project, a medical records database in Olmsted County, Minnesota, the researchers were able to estimate that roughly 1 million people across the globe had autoimmune encephalitis at some point in their life. Each year, roughly 90,000 people may develop AE, they estimated.

"No prior studies evaluated this," Eoin Flanagan, the lead author on the paper and an autoimmune neurology specialist at the Mayo Clinic, said in a statement.

Kelley, who is working on his own forthcoming study of the frequency of AE in young people, said his work echoes Flanagan's findings.

"You can’t diagnose something you don’t know about, or that you don’t recognize," Kelley told Business Insider.

Last summer, he published a study in the American Journal of Radiology to help radiologists like himself better diagnose and understand diseases like AE.

Knee deep in the water

Three months after Walsh first started noticing changes in her personality, she relocated to her childhood home outside of Boston, and saw two doctors who both incorrectly diagnosed her with the flu.

Then one morning around 4 a.m., as her dad got ready for work, he heard a loud crash. He found his daughter on the ground, her limbs thrashing. He screamed her name, but she didn't respond.

The most common cause of the type of seizure that Walsh had — known as a grand mal seizure (literally "great sickness" in French) — is epilepsy. Other causes can include extremely low blood sugar, high fever, and stroke.

At the hospital, Walsh's doctors tested her extensively. But even lumbar punctures or "spinal taps" — how doctors first spot autoimmune encephalitis in many cases — didn't show enough characteristic markers of inflammation to draw a definite conclusion.

When Walsh's sister Alana arrived at the hospital, Caroline was lying motionless on her hospital bed under the harsh lighting. Her hands had been encased in heavily padded mitts that looked like boxing gloves, and were fastened to the railings on her bed to keep her from pulling out the IV tubes keeping her hydrated. She asked Alana to come closer so she could whisper something into her ear.

"You have to fight 'em, you have to get me out of here," Caroline said, motioning her head towards the nurses as she eyed them suspiciously.

When Alana asked her sister what she was talking about, Caroline explained that she'd been abducted while she was asleep and was now being held hostage at the hospital.

A few hours later, after drifting into the sleepy, dazed state she was in for much of her hospital stay, she woke with a jolt and proclaimed she was the country singer the Zac Brown Band. She started belting out her favorite song of his, a catchy tune about taking a break from reality called "Knee Deep."

"Gonna put the world away for a minute," she sang, getting louder with every verse. "Pretend I don't live in it."

When her family couldn't stop Caroline's crooning, Alana got up and closed the doors to her room in an attempt to keep her from waking up everyone on the ward. Caroline continued.

"Mind on a permanent vacation, the ocean is my only medication, wishin' my condition ain't ever gonna go away."

Over the next week, Walsh proceeded to seize more than a hundred times. Alana recalls that nearly every time she sat down to talk with her, Caroline would seize half a dozen times. They weren't massive seizures like the one that had landed her in the hospital, but small, barely perceptible ones.

"You'd know because her eyes would drift away and she'd stare in one spot, she was having little ones almost every minute," Alana said. "She was very shaky and confused; her heart rate was extremely high, and the doctors just seemed so confused by everything every time we talked to them."

Eventually, the doctors decided to put Walsh in a medically-induced coma.

Smoke from the fire

In children, infections like strep throat appear to be a trigger of AE. Susan Schulman, a pediatrician in New York, told Business Insider last year that she had seen hundreds of cases of a related condition, called PANS (pediatric acute-onset neuropsychiatric syndrome), in her patients. Her first case, in 1998, was a five-year old girl from Brooklyn who flew into a panic about keeping special holiday clothes separate from her regular clothes.

"She was driving her mother crazy," Schulman said last year. At first, she believed the girl had childhood obsessive-compulsive disorder, but medication made the child's symptoms worse. She later returned to Schulman's office with a nasty case of strep throat and strangely, after Schulman treated the strep with antibiotics, the OCD symptoms vanished.

"I said you know what, that's odd," Schulman said.

Around the same time, an NIH pediatrician named Susan Swedo published an article in the American Journal of Psychiatry describing 50 cases of a phenomenon she called "pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric disorders associated with streptococcal infections." Schulman realized that the sudden psychiatric symptoms she had observed in her young patients — which ranged from OCD to rage and paranoia — were likely connected to their infections.

"I see infection as the match that lights the autoimmune reaction. The inflammation is the fire; the symptoms you see is the smoke coming out of the fire," Schulman said.

Autoimmune conditions that affect the brain only represent a fraction of all autoimmune diseases. Scientists have identified as many as 80 others, which range from type 1 diabetes, which develops when the body attacks its insulin-producing cells, to multiple sclerosis, psoriasis, and rheumatoid arthritis. More are being recognized each year.

Through his research, Kelley hopes to find out what autoimmune diseases that affect the brain have in common so the team can figure out what causes them.

"A lot of these conditions are variants on the same theme," he said.

In Walsh's case, "these are people who tend to not have a lot of other medical problems and then all of a sudden they feel like they're going crazy, they're losing themselves," Kelley said. "It tends to be very clear that something's not right, but precisely what's going on can be difficult to piece together."

Putting the pieces together

When Walsh woke up in her hospital room, she wasn't sure why she was there.

"I was like why are all these people in my room? Why is it decorated with all of these flowers?," she recalled.

A day or so before, a specialist had diagnosed Walsh with autoimmune encephalitis and started her on a regimen of powerful steroids, now considered one of the best treatments for the disease. The drugs began to reduce the inflammation in her brain. The affected area was Walsh's hippocampus, the region responsible for making and storing memories.

"I just remember I kept asking, 'What?' you know, 'Wait, why am I here?' and they would tell me, but I kept forgetting," she said.

The treatment for autoimmune encephalitis can vary based on the trigger, but timing is always key. If doctors treat whatever is triggering the condition, many people with the disease can go on to lead fairly normal, full lives.

"It's a race against time in a way," Kelley said.

In patients whose autoimmune encephalitis seems to be triggered by cancer (as opposed to Walsh’s, which may have been set off by the flu), the treatment focuses on treating or removing the cancer first. “When you remove the cancer, you remove the stimulus," Kelley said.

As Walsh began to regain her ability to remember, she realized she'd have to re-learn a lot of basic things.

"I remember going to get up to use the bathroom, and one of the nurses went to bring me a wheelchair and I was like, ‘Oh no I don't need that,'" Walsh said. "So then I just thought about standing and suddenly I just had no idea, I couldn't function to walk."

She regained those skills over the next 10 days at Spaulding Rehabilitation Center, the same place the survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing were brought after the attack. There, Walsh re-learned how to put one foot in front of the other and how to hold a spoon.

She now works part-time as a nanny and volunteers with Spaulding and the Boston Boys and Girls Club. Instead of going back to sales, she plans to work with children in some capacity. She recently attended a Spaulding fundraising event with her sister, Alana, where she bumped into the physical therapist who helped her walk in a straight line for the first time.

"We were in our dresses and we were both dancing together," Walsh said, "and Alana was like, 'You know she taught you to walk again?'"

  This story was originally published in May 2017, and has been updated to include recent findings on the prevalence of autoimmune encephalitis.

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[theemmataylor]

A Frozen Medley || Sebastian, Gaston, Emma, Evelyn, Alaric, and the Mikaelson Brothers

I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | XVI

Once the sun had started to set and the temperature dropped, it was time to put everything away where it would be stored every night and then crawl into the tents. After waking up at nearly four that morning, and then literally running from the start, there wasn't an ounce of reluctance or argument from any of them.

Sebastian had a silent alarm that vibrated on his wrist to wake him every three hours to make rounds, but he crawled into his sleeping bag, his back to the brothers, and worked to settle his mind enough to allow him to sleep.

As for Kol, his back was also to Sebastian and he was staring at Niklaus, waiting to feel like the gunman was sleeping so that maybe they could talk a little more. In the meantime, he inched closer to Nik, as close as he could manage, then inched his fingers out of a space in his sleeping bag and reached to slowly, gently, boop his brother on the nose. "How are you?" he whispered.

In the other tent, Alaric had been far less shy about snuggling up next to Elijah, nose nuzzling against his jaw, nipping. He was careful to restrain himself as much as sharing a tent with two others might need. But nobody particularly seemed interested in making conversation.

Emma's sleeping bag was about a size too big for her, and she could disappear entirely inside of it. Trying to give the boys a little privacy, knowing that things had only just started for them and maybe they would like the opportunity to kiss without everybody watching. She didn't know. But just in case. Though her body was exhausted, her eyes were open, studying the figure she was now facing in the growing darkness.

"Is it weird that I feel an incredible compulsion to tell everybody goodnight? Also, this kind of feels like the first night of summer camp when I'm exhausted but I'm supposed to stay up all night. And... I'm sorry. I'm going to sleep now." She bit her bottom lip. "I'm sorry," she whispered again.

Emma got warm, soft, genuine laughter out of Elijah and the sound of his laughter got Gaston going. Elijah had been lying on his back for a while, comfortably snuggled into the furs he used instead of a bag, and he shook his head, grinning. "No, it does. It really does feel like that. My body is completely worn, but my mind is racing a million miles a minute, and all I want to do is be up with all of you -- kissing Alaric, talking to you, Emma, irritating you somehow, Gaston."

Gaston was still laughing and it took him a minute to even shut up. He wiped at his eyes, laughter a little softer now, and then shook his head. His sleeping bag crinkled as he moved in it, turning to look at Emma. "This is the worst summer camp I've ever been to. Are you warm enough, Emma?"

Elijah turned his head to look at Ric and, as soon as he could make him out in the gloom of the tent, he grinned and touched his forehead to Ric's. "Hello."

Emma had giggled, but muffled the sound in her sleeping bag. She somewhat looked over her shoulder in Elijah's direction But Gaston's voice, speaking, was enough to pull her focus back in his direction. "It is kind of the worst summer camp, isn't it? And the other tent are the adults, if they can really be called that. And here in like, five minutes we're going to get really loud shushing sounds coming from them." Her arms were wrapped around herself as she shrugged at Gaston. "I'll be okay. I'm small. My circulation is... kind of lame sometimes. I stay cold. But I'll warm up in the sleeping bag eventually."

Alaric had smiled when Elijah turned to him, licking his cheek. "Hello," he whispered, his voice perhaps a little too sultry for the light air the tent had just held. He cleared his throat. "How are you?" His question couldn't be more cheesy. But he was happy.

So. Goddamn. Happy.

"I am fine. A bit concerned for Emma, though. Emma," Elijah turned back to her. "You haven't an ounce of fat on you. Come out of your bag a moment and crawl in with me while Gaston zips your bags together."

Gaston snorted quietly at the way Elijah didn't ask if he was alright with doing that, although they both knew the answer was yes. Sometimes, the man's casual authority was irritating, something it was entertaining, sometimes it was inspiring, and sometimes all of the above. Tonight, he decided entertaining was the right word.

Emma peeked out of her sleeping bag at Gaston, her eyes were large enough that he might have been able to see them in the darkness. "I... That's not necessary. Really. I don't want to make things difficult for him. And you... know that I might have a tendency to be drawn to the heat source while I'm sleeping."

"I won't do anything untoward," Gaston assured her, "but if you're cold, we should change that. Besides, I would much rather be able to just curl up around you and have us both be warmer for it than know that you're next to me and cold. I'll be getting up every three hours," his schedule was different from Moran's, so only an hour and a half would pass without one of them being up, "but I should be able to slip in and out without waking you completely."

"I didn't... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that I thought you would..." Finally, Emma nodded, crawling out of her sleeping bag in what couldn't have been anything by way of helping her stay warm (cotton draw-string pajama pants and a sweater. Though she did at least manage to wear socks. They would likely end up kicked off by morning.)

She hurried to dive under Elijah's blankets, brushing his skin with her cold fingers and finding herself giggling again. "He's going to hate me by morning. He needs rest tonight. And I'm not going to be able to stop giggling."

Elijah was only wearing boxers, but it in between the animal skins was as warm as an oven. "You poor thing, you're freezing," he murmured. "Alaric, we're going to have a tiny little popsicle on our hands by the end if we don't watch this one." He caught her hands and held them between his to try and warm them for a moment while Gaston rustled around with the zippers. After a few minutes and a few soft curses, there was a long zipping sound and then Gaston climbed into their now much larger bag.

"Done. Come here, Popsicle. I won't hate you. Giggle away."

Once Emma was out of his little fur bed, Elijah turned and nuzzled Alaric again, then bit him on the earlobe -- delicate, teasing, more intimate than he probably should have been.

Alaric's gasp was quiet. Silent. And his hands slipped from under his own blankets -- being the exact opposite of Emma and always sleeping warm; he slept on his sleeping bag, but only ever under a blanket not entirely uninspired by Elijah's -- and over to touch Elijah's chest. "We will have to keep an eye out for her then," he whispered. "At least tonight she'll be well taken care of."

When Emma crawled into the new giant sleeping bag, her sock had already started to twist so that it wasn't quite on right, but she didn't bother fixing it. She was careful to try to keep her hands to herself, knowing that cold fingers on someone's stomach might be the worst thing. "Thank you," she said happily, already feeling a little warmer thanks to him. Emma inched closer. "You really didn't have to offer to do this."

The touch made Elijah's insides seem to twist in a wonderful way. He loved Alaric so much that it genuinely hurt, and he loved that ache. He moved over closer, then slipped his arm around Ric's body and gave him a sweet, soft, gentle kiss. "We will,” he murmured.

"If you two are going to make out," Gaston said, "at least have the decency to be obvious about it." He was grinning and he shook his head, entirely unperturbed by the two of them, and then he turned his attention to Emma. "Oh, I didn't offer, but you're welcome. We are a team, after all. Here." He turned her away from himself so that he could spoon her -- unlike the others, Gaston was dressed, in thin wool pants and a tight poly-fleece shirt -- so at least it wasn't entirely indecent... although nothing he wore really left much to the imagination.

At all.

Still, he was a furnace, and as soon as he was settled around her, he wrapped one of his big hands around both of hers, trying to warm them, and tucked his chin over her head.

"Thank you all the same," she said feeling almost shy about how easily he'd turned her over and then pulled her against him. He was incredibly warm. And... jesus are those his ab muscles I can feel through his... She had only shifted a little, and if she had been in literally any other frame of mind, she might not have started giggling. But the night was a relatively happy one. And she was feeling giddy. "I'm sorry," she whispered, shyly, trying to calm herself. "I told you. You're going to hate me by morning."

Alaric had smiled at Gaston's words, his cheeks maybe warming a little bit and he was just on the verge when Emma had laughed again. "Now I feel like we're the adults who are left out of any inside joke and will have to drug the girl with Benadryl to get her to sleep here in an hour."

"Oh, I could find a way to help her sleep," Gaston purred, there was no other word to describe what just happened with his voice, but then he laughed softly, in all innocence, and nuzzled the back of her head. "I won't hate you by morning. It's an odd situation, to be sure, laughter can help ease the tension."

Elijah smiled sleepily and shook his head, then turned on his side so he could put his back against Alaric -- and drape his hand behind him to brush his fingers over the front of Alaric's sleep pants, just once, before he tucked his arm back where it ought to be and just relaxed. "Goodnight, you two. Goodnight Alaric." He turned his head and called out, "Goodnight Kol. Goodnight Sebastian. Goodnight Nik--"

"Sod off!"

"Klaus." Elijah grinned and flopped his head down onto his pillow.

"If you are going to be an insufferable tease this entire month, I might not survive," Alaric whispered. His stomach had twisted and again he'd found his breath caught in his lungs, holding tight as he wrapped an arm around Elijah’s waist, then bit softly at the curve of his neck and shoulders, quickly turning it into a kiss. "Goodnight, darling," he whispered in return after all the rest had responded.

Emma's jaw had actually dropped at his words, though the intention behind them seemed... obvious? He didn't really seem to be flirting with her. Which was fine. She needed to focus on this month, on her story. And on just trying not to die of any of the six thousand things that could likely kill her out here. As his hands over hers seemed to relax, Emma pulled one arm free and rested it over his, holding on to him. "Goodnight, guys," she said softly before finally letting her eyes close so she could settle into this warmth.

Gaston nuzzled her softly, then closed his eyes as well and settled in for his nap.

Meanwhile...

Nik had almost fallen asleep until the giggle fits had started, and then Elijah just had to go and say goodnight to every blessed one of them. He stared at Kol again, sulking now, before he got up and leaned over his brother -- on his brother -- to look at Sebastian and see if he was sleeping.

Sebastian hadn't replied to the goodnight wishes, and Kol had only chuckled at Nik's response. He hadn't really been close to falling asleep yet, though he didn't really seem to be weighed too heavily about what had happened the night before -- jesus was that only last night?

The sniper didn't react to the proximity of his tent mate, though it remained unclear if he was actually asleep. If someone so much as whispered his name, there was a chance that he would wake, or so Kol figured. But Elijah had just yelled it. But a man like this, trained like this, had to know how to shut everything out in order to get the most out of the couple hours of sleep he was given, right?

Kol's hand rested against Nik's ribcage as his brother laid across him. "And what is it you're trying to accomplish, brother?”

"Conducting a scientific survey," Nik replied. "I'm waiting to see how long Sebastian can handle my staring at him. When he reacts, I have a question for him."

The words were enough for Sebastian to sigh a little heavier than sleep might deem necessary and then just opened his eyes.

Nik's eyes sparkled in the dark as he smiled, and he held still another moment, just watching the sniper, before he asked: "Do you know?"

Of course I know. You two were drunk, which means you weren't half as quiet as you thought you were, and I walked down the hall at just the right time.

"Know what?"

"About my brother and I. What we did last night."

Sebastian's lips twitched into a smile, but the expression was gone as quickly as it came. "Are you asking my permission to continue things?"

That hadn't been Nik's intention -- or so he thought until Sebastian asked, and then he realized that was exactly why he'd asked. He tensed up a bit but then gave a tight, small nod.

"Were something to happen between he and I... it would very likely be while you're here," he murmured, voice too soft to carry to the other tent. "Or when you're just coming back in, or.. you get the picture, I'm sure. If it... would truly... repulse you.. that he and I were -- so close, I'm sure we can refrain for a month. But if you wouldn't terribly mind perhaps walking in on it.."

If you know what we're doing, perhaps it won't wake you up if you hear a soft, furtive rustle from one of us.

"Do as you wish." Sebastian's voice was equally as soft and low. "I'm here to make sure you don't die. And I'm better than most at keeping secrets. Mostly because I don't care enough about anything to share it with the next person. So long as I get to sleep my three hours, which you're interrupting now, and you don't put yourself in mortal danger, then your business is none of my concern."

With that, Sebastian shrugged and turned over onto his other side, giving them his back and all the privacy he could afford them.

Nik resolved to kiss Moran in the morning.

He slithered off of Kol and flopped down next to him again, although he stayed close; Nik was never as warm as either of his brothers. "You heard the man," he whispered. "Perhaps, tomorrow night, when we're a bit less exhausted, you might let me kiss you?" he tried to keep his whisper as soft as possible for Sebastian's sake.

Kol thought of a dozen different ways to respond to that question -- not all of them in the affirmative -- and decided instead to stretch forward to press a soft, lingering, careful kiss to Nik’s lips. They had done this since last night. The kissing. But it hadn't really been... There had been too much question and hesitation in each one. And they hadn't really answered any of his questions except by letting him know that he didn't hate the feeling of Nik's lips against his own.

His lips parted just enough that he could brush Nik's bottom lip with his tongue, and was surprised when he felt something closer to relief than he had expected at the simple act.

Nik shivered with pleasure at that time before he nipped at Kol's lip and retreated down into the depths of his sleeping bag with a soft hissing sound. "Goodnight, brother."

Kol smirked and rolled onto his back, heavy eyelids lowering. "Sod off," he teased, mimicking Klaus himself with the response.

In what felt like moments later, Sebastian felt the alarm on his wrist begin to vibrate and his eyes were instantly open. He slid silently out of his sleeping bag, into his clothing he'd left sitting out so he could dress quickly, and finally his boots, and pulled his face covering and hat on as he exited the tent, being sure to close it behind him as quickly as possible.

The glasses he put on were thermal. High quality, but the logistics were simple enough. The full circle they'd made earlier was saved for daytime. At night he knew he couldn't be out long enough to even run that quick mile circle. He had told Gaston no more than five to ten minutes checking for signs of any heat or life around them. Listening, most of all. And he knew he shouldn't miss anything with these on. When Gaston woke in an hour and a half, he would do the same. And their shifting schedule kept it so that they never went too long without protection

Sebastian checked his ammo and then headed out into the night air, cursing quietly. He stayed the full ten minutes, but found nothing to report, and returned back to his sleeping bag and instantly back to sleep in a matter of moments.

Trouble didn't come until the last watch, which happened to be Gaston's. The sun was nearly up, which was the only reason he decided to exceed his orders. He moved out and went to check the perimeter, but moments later, he was back.

"Moran," he whispered, crouched outside of their tent. "I need you. I'm sorry."

Sebastian was out of the tent before even being fully dressed. He did that on their way, cursing at the biting cold on his ears and nose. But if Gaston needed him, a little frost bite didn't matter. Besides, he was ready quickly. On his way out he grabbed an extra round for his gun and then met Gaston's eyes.

"What happened?"

"You have time to get dressed, I think." Gaston's back was to the tent and he was crouched on the ground, rifle ready, looking out. "The perimeter system is down. Somehow. Without causing any alerts. There are prints all around each stake. The fence has quit, too."

Stars shone out beautifully from the strange, twilight sky, and there was no ticking from the fence. There was no wind, not a sound, nothing but a deep and biting cold and a sense that something was very, very wrong.

Fuck.

He got dressed fully, his stomach twisting. "I'm three seconds from waking their asses up and making them get in the cage."

He tried to think of what could cause this. But nothing, nothing that he could think of would take that much down without an alarm going off.

"I swear to the gods, LeFevre, if you tell me they're wolf tracks, I'm sending them home."

"They're human," Gaston said, meeting his eyes for one brief moment once Sebastian was back out there with him. "Small. And barefoot."

There was another quiet rustle and then Elijah came out, fully dressed. He closed the tent behind himself and looked as if he was about to say something before his eyes widened as he registered the silence where there should have been ticking. He looked at Moran in question.

"Exactly," Sebastian whispered. "While we stand guard, how fast can you put it back online?"

His attention turned back to Gaston. "The girl in your tent... she helped put the fence up. She's not a sleepwalker, is she?"

"No. We were in the same sleeping bag whenever I was there. When I wasn't, I rolled her up against Elijah... and her feet should have been bleeding from that much walking around on the snow and ice."

The deep silence felt like a menacing companion all its own as Elijah moved to the power panels for the fence. His heart was racing and he was far more awake than he had been a minute ago; he'd awoken when he heard the other tent moving, but hadn't really thought anything would be wrong. Now, he could feel it pressing in on them, all around -- the weight of the strange Arctic twilight, the silence, the cold, the promise of predators. The fence was one of the very few things that made this expedition possible, and without it, their lives would only last as long as the bullets did, if the bears they had come here for found them.

Which they would.

Elijah closed his eyes and held his breath for a moment, focusing his fear, focusing himself as he started resetting the panels --

But when he energized them, there wasn't so much as a single blip of power.

"Fuck," he whispered, then got up and turned to Moran. "I need to walk around and inspect the fence. I'll be out of sight if I go behind the tents. Will one of you come with me?"

He knew they should have been bleeding, but was LeFevre certain they weren't? He didn't ask. She felt like a stretch anyway.  

"Gaston. You are guarding these tents. Do not, for an instant, hesitate to shoot anything that moves that isn't us. You know the path we're taking."

He tossed his thermals. "You're guarding more people than I am. Even if we're not going far."

Sebastian hated this. He hated all of this. Their first fucking night. "This is your only chance, Mikaelson. This one round. If it doesn't work I'm calling for an evac instantly, you understand?"

"I understand and agree. Without the fence, our lives will be measured only by your bullets." Elijah got into a bin and pulled out a flashlight. He rubbed the button against his cheek to be sure of which it was, then hit the switch, turning on the dim red beam. He shone it over the fence as he began circling it, looking for any sign of damage, but there was none.

On the opposite side of the tent doors, however, there was a small, white Arctic hare's foot perched atop one of the poles. Frowning, Elijah reached up and took it. He turned the bloody little thing over on his mittened palm, then continued the inspection of the fence as an icy wind began to pick up.

When they got back to the gate, he went back to try the panels one more time.

Nothing.

Elijah looked up at Sebastian and nodded. "We have to call this off. I'll take it apart and try to repair it while they dress and pre..."

Nik came out of the tent, mostly dressed, a little confused, and he held up the satellite phone -- the only satellite phone.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" he asked. Even against the twilit sky, the wires sticking out of the phone were all too obvious.

Elijah checked his watch and then looked at the horizon, seeming untroubled by the phone. He shut off the flashlight, unplugged the panels, and started disassembling one of them, moving quickly and with familiarity.

"Oh, lovely, Elijah, you don't care, but I do. Moran, please, tell me you had an encounter with the phone that you're just dying to be able to explain?"

"Pack your things." He didn't know how to get them out. "At the very least you all are going into the cage. All of you. Now, Niklaus. Get your brother."

He kept his eyes on Elijah and nodded in the direction of the other tent. "Wake them. I want them unreachable. We can hang blankets and make them stay low so they're not visible by outside eyes..."

Something has already been here.

We are already compromised.

Sebastian knew he couldn't let that show. Because if they lost faith or hope, all was lost. "Carry them if you have to. Just get them in that fucking cage."

Elijah dropped what he was doing on the spot and nodded, going into the tent. "Alaric, Emma," he said, kneeling between them and shaking both. "I need you to wake up and get dressed. Put on all of your warmest clothes, but do it quickly, and then you're going to come outside with me."

Nik stood there outside still, looking stunned. "What's..?"

"Klaus. Questions later. Fucking move."

By this time Kol had awoken and was standing behind Nik. He heard the commotion and groaned. "Not fucking again. Haven't we already been rudely awakened enough times for this damn week?"

Still, the tone in Sebastian's voice told him he wasn't kidding. He took the Satellite phone from Nik, and pulled him inside to start getting as much clothes on as possible. With his brother in tow, they were the first in the cage.

Ric woke with a start and took a breath to remember where they were. But he dressed quickly, helped Emma pile on more layers, and they all moved out into the cold where the cages were.

There were hooks at the corners of the cage and Sebastian immediately started hanging a tarp while Gaston kept watch. "Lay down if you can. And fucking stay in here."

He returned to Gaston and quietly spoke to him, watching his back now, standing shoulder to shoulder. "Anything?"

Elijah had refused to go into the cage. He buried the others in sleeping bags, but then he went right back to working on the panels, on his knees in the dark.

Gaston shook his head, scanning with Moran's thermals one more time before handing them back to him. "Nothing."

"You should knock the tents down," Elijah suggested as he worked. "They're two blind spots. You don't need to disassemble the poles, just undo the clips, the tent will fall down, leaving the poles intact. Incidentally, gentlemen, the sun should have been fully above the horizon seventeen minutes ago." And yet, of course, the sky was still dark, the stars still twinkling, the sun forgotten.

"What?" Nik hissed from their cage huddle.

Elijah continued working on the panel, taking everything apart and reassembling it with the same familiarity and confidence Sebastian or Gaston would have used with a rifle.