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#ive been miserable for the last two weeks
leechs · 2 days
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logically i know the solution to stop feeling like shit is to wake up early/turn off my phone/deep clean my apartment and then go on a two or three day unplanned trip to somewhere in driving distance of my city/have sex with a stranger for the dopamine reup/go to a bookstore and buy a bunch of books ive never read before and so on and so forth ...but ive been forcing myself to work as many hours as possible after spending a lot of money on my last trip so i dont think i should jsut randomly take time off and spend a bunch of money bc doing so impulsively would set me back if i /do/ decide to plan a longer trip later on in the summer, and also i dont really /want/ to sleep with a stranger bc that would feel disgusting afterwards and kind of feel like cheating on [redacted mans name] and i would probably end up regretting it and also i have so many unread books in my room already that ive been meaning to read so buying more seems hoarder-ish but idk... idk... see in boring miserable times like these i would just go back to doing drugs for a bit but i dont even have the OPTION of calling a heroin dealer bc i dont have one anymore. and not to mention i stopped drinking a couple weeks ago after getting too drunk during the power outage and tripping in the dark and dropping one of my expensive face serums on the floor... plus i dont even like alcohol... also i need a haircut and a dye job bc my shit is overgrown... god life is a joke
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What's shitty is that the people who are supposed to take care of you when you're sick, don't give a fuck and only make you feel worse when i already feel like rubbish.
Honestly, with how much I'm coughing, im only waiting to see blood on the tissues i cover my mouth with
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kohakhearts · 6 months
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cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc
pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement
#taylor.txt#the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych#we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol#i hate it here…i hate it#but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance!#some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is#for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field#notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this#i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes#but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field#i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average#semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel#also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents#AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel#in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off#while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day#currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed#i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers#ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project#i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy#and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol#and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine#also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks
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orcelito · 1 year
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Maybe ignoring my grief is detrimental to my overall mental health
Idk what else to do tho
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everyfandomever · 2 years
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I spit up most my mucus, recovered my sense of smell, and the first gods damn thing i end up smelling is sour towels
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scoreplings · 2 years
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almost four months out from ending a ten year long friendship / three year long relationship. seven years of saying we’d live together our whole lives and planning the house we’d move into together. where we’d build our life together. and that life isn’t going to exist now. and it sucks. and it hurts. but i am doing better now than i have in years. and its bittersweet because of that pain. but its still good. i have people in my life who love me. i have family, and friends, and a boyfriend i love so much it makes me feel crazy. and i’m about to move across the country and get a chance for as fresh of a start as i could ask for. anyone who’s hurting or hopeless or heartbroken i want you to know things do get better. you do get over it. you do keep on living. you find people and things that make you happy and you move on. you’ve got better things coming for you ❤️
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angelicyoongie · 1 year
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Abundance (XIX)
— summary: You never expected that you would end up adopting a hybrid, and if someone had told you that you would end up with seven? Well, you would have thought they were crazy. But here you are, with three different packs of hybrids that don't get along – but all want to stay with you. Yeah, it turns out crazy is an understatement.
— pairing: hybrid bts x human f!reader — genre: fluff, angst, smut — warnings/content: explicit sexual content! handjob (lol), mild sub!tae vibes — word count: 8.3k Part: I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X / XI / Find more chapters here!
Early access to chapter 20 and 21 can be found in the author’s note at the end!
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You squirm, grumbling in your sleep, as a hot puff of air hits your throat. Twisting your head to the side does little to deter the ticklish sensation, something soft brushing along the slope of your neck.
The comfortable weight resting over your hips won’t allow you to flip over on your side to escape, but you’re too warm and cosy to bother opening your eyes to find out who’s keeping you trapped.
You’re being scented gently, almost timidly, and it slowly begins to lull you back to sleep.
The tender motion of someone nosing at your throat and nuzzling against your skin in the morning has become familiar to you by now, as it’s a certain bunny hybrid’s favourite way of waking you up.
The weight on your middle shifts, and you reach blindly for long soft ears as you mutter out a slurred, "-Jeongguk?" 
You get a short, petulant whine in response, a set of sharp canines nipping at your throat. 
"I’m not a bunny." 
The bite isn’t hard enough to break skin but it startles you all the same, any chance of falling back asleep washed away as you blearily open your eyes. You blink once, twice, as the halo of deep orange blocking your vision begins to shift into focus.
Taehyung’s messy hair is falling into his face from where he’s perched over your hips, his hands resting besides your shoulders, caging you in. He peers down at you with dark, unreadable eyes, fox ears flattened to his head. 
"Tae?" You murmur, drowsy and confused.
You stifle a yawn behind your hand, tiredly rubbing your eyes. It feels like you’ve awoken from a long coma, your body heavy with exhaustion.
The last week has been intense to say the least, all the work you missed by helping Seokjin and Jeongguk with their ruts practically being shoved down your throat the moment you stepped back inside your office. 
You’ve been pulling sixteen hour days for a week to catch up, only coming home to sleep and wash up before hurrying back to the firm. It’s been miserable and you’ve missed the boys terribly, but the hard work has thankfully paid off. All of your less important cases have been dealt with and now you have the entire weekend off to spend time with them. 
Taehyung's face twists at the sound of his name. His voice is meek, little more than a whimper, as he asks, "Are you disappointed that it’s me? If you’d rather have Jeongguk here, I can go get him."
The look Taehyung gives you makes your heart ache something fierce, the little distance between the two of you suddenly feeling much too far. 
"What? No, Taehyung, of course not!" You scramble to push yourself up on your elbows, shocked that he would ever think so.
You reach up to gently cup his face in your hand, smoothing your thumb across his cheek as you try to catch his gaze. Taehyung leans into your touch, a sad pout pulling on his lips as he noses against your wrist, breathing in your scent.
His eyes flicker up to meet yours before he looks away, his shoulders hunching with hesitation as he quietly asks, "Show me?"
It hits you then, just how inattentive you’ve been to the other boys after Seokjin and Jeongguk’s rut passed. You were intimate with one pack and then practically disappeared for a week. It’s no wonder Taehyung feels insecure, you haven’t been able to reassure him or his instincts that you want him just as much as the rest.
The realization feels like a punch to the gut.
You should’ve seeked him out sooner to make sure he was okay, to make sure he felt wanted, especially when the incident with Jeongguk and the weasel hybrids is still such a fresh wound.
"Oh, Tae," You let out a quiet breath, covering the guilt simmering under your skin with a tender smile. "I’ll show you as many times as you need me to."
You slowly guide his face towards your own, your fingers following the curve of his jaw until you have your thumb pressed against the mole on his lower lip.
Taehyung's ears do a curious twitch as you gently pull on the flesh, parting his mouth to make room for your own. His breath hitches as you lean in, a sweet little eager sound leaving his lips as you press a chaste peck against them. 
Taehyung’s eyes flutter closed as you kiss him again, his cheeks flushing pink as you murmur a soft handsome into his skin. The fox hybrid’s tail swishes happily back and forth behind his back as you pepper light kisses everywhere you can reach, from his jaw to the tip of his nose.
Taehyung chases after your mouth when you draw back, capturing it in another kiss. He immediately tries to deepen it, tongue brushing against your lips in hopes that you’ll let him in. You willingly part them, licking into his mouth as the fox hybrid melts against your body, his stomach vibrating with low content purrs. 
You curl one hand around Taehyung’s neck, cupping the back of his head as the other settles on his shoulder, pulling him closer.
Taehyung lets out a soft moan as you kiss him with a little more intent, more passion, too distracted by your lips to notice how your eyes flutter open. He doesn’t seem to mind that you awkwardly throw a leg over his back, the duvet impeding your full range of motion.
The wet smack of your lips disconnecting as you pull back makes the simmering heat in your belly flare up. Taehyung’s eyebrows furrow as he loses your touch, his rosy lips puckering subconsciously as he blindly seeks you out.
You can hear the telltale signs of a whine building in his throat but before he can get too upset, you tighten your hold around his body, using the leg you have over his hip as leverage to flip him over.
Taehyung stares up at you with big eyes as he finds himself pressed against the bed. His orange hair is splayed around him on your pillow, looking messy and wild after your wandering hands.
The pure surprise on his face makes you giggle.
You peck his cheek, pulling back just in time as your hands settle on his waist, fingertips lightly tickling his sides. Taehyung jerks forward, a burst of laughter leaving his mouth as his brain catches up with what your unrelenting hands are doing.
"Y/n, ah–!" He wheezes, squirming on the bed as he tries to escape from the light touches fluttering all over his torso. A mischievous grin settles on your mouth as you realize the leg around Taehyung’s waist is keeping him trapped, the fox hybrid having no other option but to endure your tickling.
Taehyung’s bright laughter fills your bedroom, the infectious sound making you join in as you watch him attempt to shimmy away from your wiggling fingers.
He squeaks as you find a particularly sensitive spot on his stomach, his tail whipping wildly against the bed. The array of snorts and cackles that Taehyung lets out is like music to your ears, the insecure and vulnerable look in his eye nowhere to be found as they scrunch up with laughter. 
There’s a new glow to the fox hybrid’s golden skin when he manages to capture one of your hands, trapping it against his chest. He flashes you a bright grin as you futilely try to yank it back, using the moment to catch his breath after your intense onslaught.
You pout, zeroing in on his exposed neck. As you shift your weight, ready to lean forward in hopes that tickling his neck will free your trapped fingers – Taehyung seems to read your mind. Something wild flickers in his gaze before he surges up, the sudden burst of energy throwing you off balance. In a flash, you find yourself back where you started, Taehyung once again hovering over you. 
Your attempts to wrestle him back down are useless, his limbs rooted in place even as you try with all of your might to flip him back over. Your struggling does little but get rid of the duvet, the thick blanket kicked aside as you squirm and huff under Taehyung’s body. His bare legs are flush against yours, warm, as the heat from his skin seeps into yours. 
"Tae," You whine, finally flopping down with an exhausted sigh as you realize you have no chance of overpowering him. 
"What?" Taehyung tilts his head, blinking down at you with faux innocence. His ears are standing straight with attention, twitching with every little sound you release. 
You give him an unimpressed look, eyeing how his tail lazily swishes behind his back in victory. 
Taehyung snickers, his expression melting into something a bit more smug – pleased, as he takes in your ruffled appearance. "You’re the one that wanted to play. It’s not my fault you’re a sore loser." 
You roll your eyes, suppressing the smile tugging at your lips.
"Well … You’re too strong! Frankly, it’s a little–" You raise your hips up in an attempt to flip him again, your brain stuttering as the movement causes you to bump against something hard, "–unfair?"  
Taehyung lets out a soft moan at the contact, eyelashes fluttering as he ducks his head. 
"Are you…?" You trail off. Your cheeks grow warm at Taehyung’s weak nod. 
"It’s my instincts," He admits in a low whine, arms flexing as he digs his fingers into the mattress. "I can’t help it. You were acting like prey, uh, squirming around like that. " 
You hum under your breath, taking a moment to collect your thoughts as you rub your hands up Taehyung’s arms, feeling his muscles strain under your touch.
You have to admit that Taehyung getting turned on by your little wrestling match is, well, hot. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with him being affected by his instincts but the fox hybrid seems to think otherwise, his ears pulled back in shame. 
You simply refuse to allow him to think so lowly of himself.
"Can I touch you?" You ask. You slowly drag your hands up from Taehyung's arms to his chest, resting your palm above the harsh thud of his heart.
"Do you really want to?" Taehyung’s dark eyes shine with uncertainty as they meet yours. 
"Yes."
You keep your gaze locked on his, making sure your intent is clear as you raise your hips just enough to brush against his hard cock.
Taehyung’s arms wobble at the contact. A low keen leaves his mouth as his hips jerk automatically, chasing your body for more friction. 
Your circle one arm around his back, pushing between his shoulder blades to bring him closer. Taehyung scrambles to comply, making room for himself between your legs as you pull him into another kiss. He moans as your hand trails from his chest to his stomach, the light scrape of your nails making him shiver. 
The short second you pause as you reach the waistband of Taehyung’s shorts has him breaking away from the kiss, panting against your mouth as he whines out a desperate please. 
You steal a peek at his face, just to make sure he’s still okay as your hand slides under the elastic and the sight that greets you almost knocks the breath out of your chest.
Taehyung looks wrecked. His skin is flushed, burning hot, eyes glossy with want as he rasps out another plea for you to do more. 
His mouth falls open as you lightly rub the head of his leaking cock, hips buckling as you reach down to grasp him properly. The cramped angle is a little awkward but Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind it, whines and moans filling the air between you as you pump his length.
The slide of your hand is loud, lewd, in the otherwise quiet room. You thumb at his leaking tip with every upstroke, collecting the steady dribbles of precome in your hand to make the glide easier.
Taehyung moves against your fist, whimpering, as your slick palm forms a hot and wet hole for him to thrust into. 
"S-so good, fuck," Taehyung growls as you tighten your hand, squeezing around his throbbing cock. He dives down to recapture your mouth, the kiss sloppy and hungry as he nibbles at your lips. 
You’re hot and flustered, dizzy almost, from having Taehyung so close. You can’t see his cock but you can feel it – how sensitive it is, how well it responds to every little thing you do. You swallow thickly at the steady stream of whimpers leaving Taehyung’s mouth, the fox hybrid following your lead so well it drives you a little crazy.  
When you stroke faster, Taehyung snaps his hips quicker. When you tighten your hold to massage the base of his cock, he slows down, whimpering but complying. He’s just so eager to please.
It makes your mind stray places it shouldn’t, heat pooling in your belly as you wonder just how obedient he can be for you. Lost in thought, your grip grows a little slack, and the steady pressure around Taehyung’s frantic thrusts disappears with it. 
The fox hybrid’s body stutters, a distressed chirp leaving his lips as he mouths over your cheek.
"Y-n, please, please–" 
"Sorry, Tae, I got you," You whisper.
You slide the hand on his shoulder to the nape of his neck, burying your fingers into the soft orange locks there. You tug lightly at his hair, increasing the speed and pressure around his cock.
Taehyung’s stomach tenses with every brush of your knuckles against his skin, his release so so close. 
Taehyung nudges your head back, biting into the delicate skin on your throat with more force than normal. He soothes it immediately with his tongue, the wet drag leaving a delicious sting behind. 
"You’re doing so well for me, Tae," You breathe, choking on a moan as he repeats the action with even more fervour. You can see his tail swishing madly behind his back, high keens filling the back of his throat with every stroke of your slicked fist.
Taehyung is trembling, his whole body taut as he strains to keep up with your hand.
You suck your bottom lip between your teeth, confused, as another flurry of choked pleads suddenly falls from his mouth. There’s nothing stopping him from coming, and yet he’s holding back – waiting – for something. 
Taking a leap of faith, you use the grip on his hair to angle his head up, bringing his ear close to your mouth. You press a sweet kiss to his earlobe, tightening your fist around his cock before you murmur out a quiet, "Good boy." 
Taehyung’s head snaps back with a gravelly, desperate moan as his body tips over the edge. His hips stutter as he grinds into your palm, shuddering as ropes of come spill from his cock. 
You relax your grip, gently stroking him through his release as another spurt drips past your fist, pooling on your stomach. The sensation makes your core throb.
You tamp down the urge to grind against the leg Taehyung has pressed against you, forcing your gaze to wander from his blissed out expression to the dull colour of your wall instead. This was about making Taehyung feel good, wanted – your own needs can wait. 
Taehyung’s head lolls back down as you release his cock, lightly trailing your fingertips along his shaft one last time before you let your hand fall away. His breaths are heavy, chest heaving as he tries to recover from his intense orgasm. 
You tuck Taehyung's face back into your neck, smoothing your fingers through his hair and scratching at the base of his ears as you wait for his breathing to slow down. He nuzzles into your skin, happy rumbles trickling from his chest as he noses against the marks he left there. 
"How do you feel?" You hum. 
"‘m feeling good," Taehyung mumbles against your throat, his bushy tail giving a few lazy flicks against your leg. 
Your smile quickly morphs into a grimace as you shift a little to your side, noticing how the wetness on your stomach has started to cool. You gently nudge at Taehyung’s waist, pressing a peck to the side of his head as you say, "Let me clean us up a little." 
Taehyung lets out a small whine in protest, but another nudge has him tipping sideways, rolling on to his side. You reach out for the tissues on your bedside table while Taehyung curls an arm over your chest, pulling himself flush against your body. 
Making quick work of the sticky substance on your skin, you turn to Taehyung, gently cleaning him up as best you can while he happily scents your shoulder. 
You bunch the tissues up, throwing them in what you hope was the thud of your trash bin.
Turning back to the fox hybrid plastered against your side, you bring a hand up to frame his face, kissing him softly. Taehyung melts pliantly into it, letting you keep the rhythm unhurried and tender as you both wind down. 
A few minutes pass of Taehyung being putty under your lips before he suddenly jerks back, eyes big as his ear twitches in the direction of your door. 
He listens to the footsteps coming up the stairs, a sheepish smile blooming on his red-bitten lips as he confesses, "I was supposed to come and wake you up for breakfast." 
You snort, shaking your head as Taehyung grabs your hands to haul you up. 
"You can blame it on me," You grin, smoothing out Taehyung’s sleepwear to the best of your abilities. You both really need to get cleaned up and changed before you see the rest of the boys for breakfast. 
Taehyung leans closer, his dark eyes sparkling with sincerity as he murmurs, "Thank you, Y/n." 
"Always," You smile.
Taehyung surges forward to plant a wet smack against your cheek, giggling at the startled sound you make as he scoots off the bed. He hurries to the door, throwing a bright grin your way and a rushed "hurry downstairs!" before the door clicks shut behind him. 
You throw a fond look at the closed door as you get out of bed, happy that you accomplished your goal. You know it'll take more to make sure Taehyung feels confident in your relationship, but you hope it’s a start on the path to make him feel secure and loved. 
Letting out a small sigh, you grab a change of clothes from your dresser. You have a lot to make up for, with both him and the rest of the guys.
You shuffle across the room, twisting the door open as you bend your neck, satisfying little pops cracking in your ears as you try to loosen up the tightness there. Your head is nearly touching your shoulder when you find yourself face to face with Yoongi, the cat hybrid tilting his own accordingly until he meets your eyes.
"What are you doing?" Yoongi raises his eyebrows, amused. 
You straighten your neck, rolling your shoulder back as you ignore the heat creeping up your cheeks.
"Stretching," You pout. 
"Why? Are you tense?" Yoongi steps closer, curling a slender hand behind your neck. He frowns as he gently digs his fingertips into your muscles, eyeing your expression as he skillfully massages the sore area.
You feel your eyes flutter as he reaches a particularly sore spot.
Maybe you strained your neck a little too much with Taehyung, but how could you not devour those pretty pink lips when they were right in front of you? 
"Ah," Yoongi muses, tilting your head, "I guess this is why." 
You suck in a breath as he presses his thumb against one of the fresh marks on your throat.
Yoongi lets out a displeased rumble as he studies the faint bruising blooming on your skin, tail flicking with annoyance behind his back. The grip around your neck tightens just a smidge, just enough to lock you in place as he leans in.
Yoongi regards you with narrowed eyes, pupils pulled into thin slits as he takes in your dishevelled appearance. It almost makes you feel like a scruffed kitten, like he caught you doing something naughty.
"I wanted to see what was taking the fox so long, but–" Yoongi’s nostrils flare as he sniffs around your neck, a low hiss sounding under his breath as he moves lower, a particularly potent smell lingering near your stomach.
"Mystery solved, I suppose." 
Yoongi’s lip curls as he draws back, ears falling flat against his head. He looks miffed at the discovery of what you and Taehyung were up to, but you can tell that’s not all there is to it. There’s a layer of hurt there too, a hint of sadness in the heavy breath he lets out. 
You twist a hand into the soft knit Yoongi’s wearing, tugging at it.
Yoongi’s tail swishes at the contact, his mouth forming a soft pout. The fingers on the back of your neck twitch, like he isn’t sure he should keep holding on to you or not.
"Talk to me?" You ask softly, dragging him a step closer.
Yoongi grumbles something under his breath, his posture slumping as he instinctively leans towards your warmth. 
"What?" You whisper.
Yoongi looks away, words a little jumbled as he mumbles, "I missed you." 
"Yoongi..." You breathe, reaching out to cradle his face.
You really didn’t expect to have your heart crushed twice in one morning.
You pull him into a gentle kiss, smiling against Yoongi’s lips as he holds you still, the steady grip on your neck not letting you move an inch. It’s slow and sweet, the way he parts your lips, slotting them perfectly against his own. 
You let your hand explore the strong curve of his jaw, the softness of his pale cheeks, everything you didn’t have time to map out the first time you kissed.
When you eventually have to lean back to breathe, you ghost your lips over Yoongi’s, hoping he can feel the sincerity in your words as you say, "I missed you too, I really did."
"I’m sorry I haven’t been around much this week. Work has been rough, but I shouldn’t have let that come in the way of us spending time together. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect right away, but I am going to try my best to balance everything a little better." 
"Y/n," Yoongi shakes his head with a small sigh, "You’re doing good." 
He presses a quick peck to your lips, levelling you with a look as your mouth purses in silent protest. 
"You’re working hard to house and feed us, and yeah, sure, it sucks that you can’t be at home as much as we’d like, but we understand. No one else has ever put as much effort as you are into making sure we’re happy and comfortable, so don’t worry too much about us, okay? Just, focus on yourself first. That’s all we ask." 
You melt into Yoongi’s embrace as he wraps his arms around you, muttering out a wobbly okay.
He holds you securely against his chest, tucking his nose into your hair to breathe in your calming scent. Yoongi never thought he would experience a scent that soothes him as much as Jimin’s, that smells like home – but yours do. The thought alone is enough to calm down the jittery edge that’s been clinging to his instincts for the past week, low purrs rumbling in his chest.
You rub your face into Yoongi’s sweater, discreetly trying to wipe away the tears prickling in your eyes. You will do better, you’re going to stand by your promise – but still, it’s comforting to hear that they don’t hate you for spending so much time away from home recently.
"You feeling okay?" Yoongi slowly releases his hold, stepping back to look you in the eye. 
"I’m fine," You murmur, clearing your throat of the thickness lingering there.
Yoongi hums, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. 
"Go get ready then, I’m sure the others are dying to see you." 
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"Y/n, where should I put this?"
You glance up, squinting against the sun to make out Namjoon’s outline through the rays of light.
"Anywhere will do, Joon. Thanks for grabbing it for me," You nod in the direction of the other garden tools, brushing the dirt off your hands as you flash him a grateful smile. 
"My pleasure," Namjoon grins, tail swinging happily behind his back. 
You watch as he turns, blocking the light momentarily as he hefts the bag of soil more securely over his shoulder, biceps straining under the black t-shirt he’s wearing. Judging by how buff Namjoon looks, it seems that the workouts they’ve been trying to rope you into doing with them have been paying off, the sight of a particularly prominent vein in his arm causing your mouth to run dry. 
You swallow thickly as the wolf hybrid places the bag on the ground with a soft grunt, the flowers in front of you long forgotten.
"Be careful, Y/n-ie, otherwise you’ll catch flies." 
Blinking, you quickly avert your gaze from Namjoon’s bulging muscles, whipping around to stare at Hoseok. 
"W-what?" 
The dog hybrid gives you a knowing look from where he’s kneeling on the ground next to you. There’s a teasing smirk adorning his lips, his golden tail wagging with newfound interest.
"Shut up," You murmur, nudging his shoulder with your own. You fumble for the handheld shovel on the ground as Namjoon walks over, flustered that Hoseok caught you ogling his pack alpha. 
The wolf hybrid plops down on your other side, ears perked as Hoseok lets out a low snort.
"What’s up?" 
You pointedly do not look at the sculpted, tanned arm that reaches out for the hand rake in front of you, throwing Hoseok a narrowed gaze as he cheerfully says, "Nothing much. Y/n was just really enjoying the view." 
Namjoon makes a confused sound, the empty flower bed you’re sitting in front of not offering much besides the large bay windows looking into the living room. He tilts his head back, watching the sparse fluffy clouds drift by, the sun on his back wrapping around him like a warm hug.
"The sky does look pretty today," Namjoon agrees, oblivious to the death glare you’re giving his packmate.
"Sure does!" Hoseok chirps. 
His tail hits the grass with quick thuds, clearly enjoying the flustered state he’s put you in. Hoseok’s eyes sparkle with mischief as he continues, "Y/n, I’m sure Joonie would love to hear what–" 
"Wow, look at these pretty flowers!" You interrupt him, face growing warm under the smug smile you get in return. You busy yourself with dragging the cluster of nursery plants closer, avoiding Hoseok’s gaze as you push the small shovel to his chest.
"We should get them settled into their new home while the sun is still out, don’t you think?" 
The reminder seems to snap Namjoon out of his cloud watching, the wolf hybrid letting out a startled, "Oh, right!" as he turns back to the plants. He’s too busy trying to figure out how to use the garden rake to notice the fond looks you and Hoseok send his way.
You bite your lip, stifling a giggle, as you wonder how you ever could’ve thought of Namjoon as intimidating. It’s hard to picture the calculating gaze and imposing presence you felt at the shelter when the hybrid in front of you is just so – cute.
Namjoon is hunched over the bed, making himself small in front of the delicate flowers as he attempts to crumble the soil for them. A wrinkle appears between his brows as the tool only grazes over the surface, his grey ears twisting back in confusion when it doesn’t work.
Gently, you reach out to take Namjoon’s hand in yours, turning the rake over in his grip. The wolf hybrid perks up when he once again tries to drag it over the hard soil, the tines actually digging into the ground this time. Namjoon’s tail begins to wag as he rakes the soil, a soft look of wonder on his face as old, buried roots come to the surface. 
You know the boys haven’t had it easy in the past, but you really hope that the new experiences they make with you can lessen that hurt over time. You really haven’t met anyone – human or hybrid – who are as good as they are, and you’ll be damned if you don’t try your best to make them happy. And if gardening can do that for Namjoon, then you’re willing to convert your bedroom into a greenhouse if that’s what it takes. 
Your heart skips a beat as you take in the pure joy shining on Namjoon’s face as he fluffs up the soil, his fingertips stained with dirt. You can’t help but lean in, chest tight with love as you plant a kiss on his cheek. 
"Thank you for helping me," You smile, heart fluttering as he sends you a bright grin in return, dimples on full display. 
"Of course," Namjoon preens, chest puffing out as he digs into the soil with even more energy than before. 
A low whine has you glancing to your left, Hoseok giving you his best pout as he tilts his head, angling his cheek in your direction.
The intense scenting and kissing session you received before breakfast honestly left you in a bit of a drunken daze, your mind scrambled after trying to keep up with five needy hybrids. You know that’s why Hoseok refused to let up on his teasing before, it isn’t often he can do so without you returning the favour, but that doesn’t mean you’ll let him get away with it now that the spring air has started to clear your head. 
You send him a puzzled look, feigning ignorance as you mouth a confused 'what?'
Hoseok stares at you, dumbfounded by the sudden turn of events, as you turn back to the flowerbed with a small shrug.
You have to tamper down a smug smile of your own when Hoseok seems to catch up to what you’re doing, whiney grumbles being muttered under his breath as he realizes you’re ignoring him in retaliation for earlier. You’re not cruel, it’s not like you can deny them kisses for very long, you’re just, hm, saving it, as reward for when he finishes digging up his part of the bed.
You watch him begin to shovel out of the corner of your eye, tuning out his weak complaints as you focus on your own patch. Namjoon’s excitement is infectious and you honestly can’t wait to see how the garden is going to look once you’re done with it. The old owners didn’t care for it much, letting most of the plants rot and wilt away, but you don’t mind that too much. The new garden is going to be something you’ve created together with the boys, and it’s going to be so much more satisfying seeing the space blossom and thrive the more love you collectively pour into it. 
"This is such a mess," Hoseok sighs. He eyes the flowerbed distastefully as he flips over another spot of old dirt. 
"Hmm," You lean back, tapping your shovel against the soil as you pretend to think, "I wonder what made it so messy? Surely it couldn’t have been because of two grown hybrids stomping around in it, trying to spy–" 
"Tae!" Namjoon suddenly calls out, neck splotched pink with embarrassment. 
A few slow seconds pass with no reply, Taehyung nowhere to be seen. Just as you’re about to nudge Namjoon to tease him for trying to divert your attention, you hear the sound of pattering feet rushing over the grass, a series of high pitched barks calling out from the other side of the garden.
You watch, stunned, as a copper fox runs straight into Namjoon’s arms, squirming around in his lap until the wolf hybrid gently hugs it to his chest. It yips as if asking him to play, giving his jaw a few quick licks while it rubs his snout all over Namjoon’s neck.
"Not right now," The wolf hybrid shakes his head, amused, as he lovingly pets the thick, orange fur. 
The fox – Taehyung, your mind unhelpfully supplies a little late – gives a low snort, clearly unhappy that his alpha won’t indulge him right away.
His fox form is just as pretty as you remember. Taehyung has a long rich orange fur that fades into white near his stomach, his bushy tail sprinkled with black hairs that make the copper look even more vibrant. His pointed ears and small legs are dipped in black, his body agile and nimble as he somehow manages to slip out of Namjoon’s strong hold like it’s nothing. 
You hold your breath Taehyung as immediately scurries over to you, tail swishing as he flops down on the available patch of grass between your knees and the flower bed. He rolls to his back, looking more like a dog than a fox as he gives you a little wiggle, waiting to be pet. 
"Like this?" You ask, carefully burying your hand in the soft fur on his belly. Taehyung seems pleased as you begin to run your fingers through the silky hairs, low purrs vibrating in his stomach as you marvel at his pretty fur. 
"Look at our handsome boy," Hoseok coos. He reaches out to rub the narrow space between Taehyung’s fox ears, laughing as one of his hind-legs twitches in response. 
Taehyung looks blissed out from the attention, panting happily as you rub his stomach. You haven’t seen this side of the fox hybrid since the first time at the shelter, and it warms your heart that he finally feels comfortable enough to shift and let go even with the other packs around. 
You scratch Taehyung’s chin, grinning as you playfully say, "Do you know your hyungs are trying to use your cute little face as a distraction for ruining our flowerbed?"
Namjoon smiles sheepishly as the fox gives you a high, confirming yip in return. 
"It’s working, so I guess I can’t be too mad about it," You sigh, shaking your head in amused exasperation. 
You keep petting Taehyung for another minute until he seems to grow bored of it, his attention span a bit more fleeting in his shifted form. He rolls back over on his stomach, clambering up on his legs before he shakes his fur out. You’re not even sure if that’s something foxes do, or if he’s just picked it up from Hoseok and Namjoon over time. 
The fox walks a few laps back and forth, following the paved border along the bed as he sniffs at the freshly turned dirt. Hoseok notices the longing glances his packmate sends the disturbed soil, aware of his own instincts begging him to shift to dig around in it. 
He pats the ground to make Taehyung rush over to him, running a soothing hand over his spine as he gestures to the spot he abandoned his shovel. "There’s this root I can’t get up, it’s buried pretty deep, do you think you can get it for me?" 
You can practically see Taehyung’s entire body immediately honing in on the patch Hoseok pointed to, his tail swishing behind him in unbridled excitement. His ears are perked, focused, as he crouches low, belly to the ground.
His body tenses before he suddenly rushes forward, pouncing on the spot of dirt. He starts eagerly digging at the ground, scraping away the layers of soil surrounding the root in a few seconds. Taehyung has the entire thing uncovered in no time, his pointed snout shooting down to gnaw at what must’ve been roots from an old tree. His sharp teeth glint in the sun as he excitedly attacks the wood. A cracking sound fills the air as he chomps down on it, Taehyung's body going taut as he leans back, using his weight to pull it up. 
For a second the fox hybrid looks frozen, the root giving him more resistance than anticipated, but then it just gives – and Taehyung stumbles back, pulling out a root as thick as your arm from the dirt. 
"Well done, Tae," Namjoon beams, his chest rumbling with pride.
You cheer alongside his packmates, amazed that Taehyung managed to get rid of it that quickly. You shudder to think how many hours you would’ve been hacking away at it if you had to remove it yourself. 
Taehyung drops the root, yipping excitedly as he jumps around in the soil. He lets you all get in a few pets and a smooch between his furry ears as thanks before he shoots off, impatient to explore the rest of the garden. 
Smiling, you watch him scurry off, a streak of orange disappearing across the garden and into the thicker foliage near the back fence. Taehyung saved you all a lot of work, so now that the flowerbed is tended to and clear of anything that might impede the growth of the new plants, you can finally add in the fresh soil.
"Hobi?" The dog hybrid’s head whips around as you call his name, eyes hopeful.
"Can you help me with that bag of soil? I can’t lift it on my own."
You dust your hands, ready to rise up on your feet when Hoseok jumps up, gently pressing on your shoulder to make you stay seated on the ground.
"I’ll get it!" 
"Wait, it’s heavy–"  You turn around, warning tapering off as you watch the dog hybrid effortlessly heft the bag up in his arms.
Stunned, you watch as Hoseok carries it over without problem, no trace of a struggle visible on his face. He doesn’t make a sound as he picks up Namjoon’s rake, slashing the bag open before he spreads the soil as evenly as possible over the bed. 
Not even Namjoon, with his prominent muscles, looked this unbothered when he carried the bag for you earlier. You could tell he at least felt the weight of it on his shoulder, but it doesn’t seem like Hoseok registers it at all. You know that hybrids, regardless of their species, are genetically modified to be stronger than humans – but even so, the sight of Hoseok lifting a fifty litre bag of soil like it’s as light as a feather leaves you dumbstruck. There’s clearly a lot you still don’t know about the boys, and you have no clue how Hoseok has managed to hide that amount of strength away in his lithe build. 
"That’s, um, thank you," You stare up at Hoseok, a little lost, as he crumples up the empty plastic. 
"No problem!" He grins, ears perked as he resumes his spot. "Can I have a kiss now, too?" 
"Hmm, well, you did help, so …" You kiss the cheek that Hoseok keenly presents to you with a soft giggle, making sure to add another peck to the corner of his mouth in apology for teasing him earlier. 
Hoseok’s small dimples are carved into his cheeks when you pull back, the heart shaped smile turning your insides to mush.
He reaches out to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, subtly brushing his wrist against your neck as he pulls back, making sure his happy scent lingers on your skin. Hoseok knows all too well that you can’t smell it or find comfort in it like the others, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop trying. 
"Y/n, where does this go?" Namjoon holds up a budding flower, the faintest hints of purple showing through the closed petals. 
"Anywhere you think it’ll look nice," You smile. "I picked out plants and flowers that all thrive in the shade, so the placement shouldn't matter too much." 
Namjoon lights up at that, his grey tail beating up a storm behind his back as he launches into describing where he thinks each plant would look best. He must’ve been thinking deeply about it while he was turning over the old soil. Seeing how enthused he looks as he places them all out, you wonder if he would enjoy learning more about it - maybe it would be possible to sign him up for a flower arranging course in town? Or a few lessons online? You’re definitely going to mention a few options to him later. 
"That looks pretty, Joonie," Hoseok compliments as his pack alpha finishes his positioning, small clusters of colourful flowers divided up between a variety of green plants. 
You echo his sentiment, already picturing just how lush and beautiful the flowerbed is going to look once everything sprouts and grows. 
"Thank you," Namjoon’s shy gratitude is filled to the brim with pride, the wolf hybrid beaming as he begins to dig the spot where the first flower will go. 
You hunker down in front of your own designated area, digging up the patches Namjoon marked for each new plant. There’s something tranquil about the fresh soil slipping through your fingers as you carefully pat down the dirt around the new flowers, a gentle calm settling over you as you listen to the welcoming tune of a faint birdsong in the distance.
You joke around with Namjoon and Hoseok as you plant the new flowers, happily listening to the boys retell what they’ve been up to for the past week. Namjoon in particular has taken to exploring the neighbourhood and the surrounding areas more, though you can’t quite figure out why he seems so bashful to admit it.
Before you can even think to ask, you’re interrupted by Taehyung running back over for more pets, the fox hybrid looking like he’s been rolling around in any available patches of dirt he’s come across. You can only watch, amused, as he’s gently scolded by Hoseok for getting so dirty, his whines only growing when Namjoon joins in too. 
"Hey!" Namjoon sputters as Taehyung sneezes him in the face, showing off his displeasure before he scampers off in the direction of the backdoor. 
Hoseok barks out a laugh at Taehyung’s cheeky retort and you have to cover your face as your snort, muffling the sound to the best of your abilities. You pretend you don’t see the narrowed look Namjoon gives you as he wipes his face, humming as you let your attention drift to the other boys hanging around the garden. 
Seokjin and Jeongguk are huddled near some bushes by the fence at the back, arguing loudly about what the correct type is. You just wanted to know if it would flower, but based on how long they’ve been slapping each other’s necks, you don’t think you’ll get a definite answer to that today.
You roll your eyes as Jeongguk wrestles Seokjin into a headlock, the bunny hybrid grinning victoriously as Seokjin lightly punches his stomach in retaliation.
Jeongguk’s smile falters as he glances up, meeting Jimin’s gaze from beneath the big tree in the middle of the garden. You watch as the hand Jimin was carding through his tail jerks, a small hiss carrying over the grass as he accidentally tugs on the delicate hairs.
Blushing, Jeongguk averts his eyes, loosening his hold on Seokjin in order to make the alpha jump back up, blocking Jimin from view as he squeaks about his packmate being a brat. 
This new thing between Jeongguk and Jimin is certainly interesting, to say the least. It doesn’t seem like the others have caught on to the strange tension that’s been growing between them ever since that night you found them huddled up on the couch together, limbs and tails intertwined. It has clearly left things between them awkward though, even if you’re not sure why. They seemed cosy enough when you stumbled across them and the friendships between the packs have been improving, but perhaps they need a bit more time to accept the sudden shift between them. 
Your gaze falls to Yoongi as he yawns, his dark eyes squinting disapprovingly up at the shade that has fallen over his resting spot. You were surprised when you first came outside to find the cat hybrid in his shifted form, a purring Yoongi wrapping himself between your legs for some pets before he eventually went off to take a nap somewhere hidden from view. He’s been steadily moving his way around the yard as you’ve been working, finding new spots to rest undisturbed.
Now though, you hold back a coo as the fluffy black cat slowly gets to his feet, stretching out his long body before he moves a little further into the garden, plopping down in the first patch of sunlight he finds. He curls into a little ball, delicately tucking his tail under his chin to bask in the pleasant spring warmth. 
You watch as one of Yoongi’s ears twitches, twisting towards the house, before you even manage to notice Taehyung yourself; the fox hybrid back in his human form as he quietly moves across the garden.
Taehyung approaches Yoongi’s resting figure carefully, eyes wide with wonder as he takes in his shifted form for the first time. He stops in front of Yoongi, orange tail swishing with interest behind his back as he slowly sinks to his knees.
You can barely make out one of Yoongi’s eyes cracking open to watch him, tail flicking with what you can only assume is annoyance at having his fifth nap interrupted.
Taehyung’s hands are folded in his lap, voice soft as he reverently says, "Hyung, your fur is so pretty." 
Yoongi watches Taehyung silently, pinning the younger hybrid under his gaze. He looks at him without blinking and you find yourself holding your breath, mirroring Taehyung subconsciously as the cat hybrid thinks - considers something. 
You’re not sure what you were expecting – for Yoongi to hiss maybe, definitely for him to just get up and leave – but he does, well, neither.
After a few tense seconds that feel horribly long, Yoongi simply just slides his eye shut, his tail stilling under his chin as he lets a gentle mrrp fill the silence between them.
"Are you sure?" Taehyung gasps, eyes lighting up as he reaches out, hand hovering over Yoongi’s back for a final confirmation. 
"Oh," You whisper, just as Hoseok sucks in a low breath behind your back. The scene in front of you has captured the attention of everyone in the garden, five pairs of curious eyes watching the unusual interaction unfold. 
Yoongi lets out another soft sound, something you can only describe as akin to a stuttered purr, to let Taehyung know it’s okay to touch him. To pet him. 
Taehyung looks enthralled as he lightly strokes Yoongi’s silky fur, fingertips barely even grazing the cat hybrid at the first few touches. He grows bolder when Yoongi repositions his head to get more comfortable, petting the alpha with a little more intent as he drags his fingers from the top of Yoongi’s head down to his lower back.
He just looks so happy, so content, as he continues to pet Yoongi to his heart’s desire. 
The sight truly makes you a little emotional. With how the boys acted when they got to the house, there was a point where something like this seemed more like a distant, unattainable dream than a possible future. Even though they eventually agreed to get along, there was never a promise of friendship, or closeness. There was never anything that alluded to this. 
You can hear Hoseok’s tail wagging at the sight, matching the grey blur of his pack alpha's in front of you. Seokjin and Jeongguk have calmed down too, the bunny hybrid resting his chin over Seokjin’s shoulder as he watches Taehyung and Yoongi with wide eyes.
They all seem pleased, at ease, to watch Taehyung take another step towards befriending Yoongi. Like it was just a matter of time before someone took the leap to start bonding between packs. 
Well, almost everyone. 
Jimin is silently seething beneath the tree, his dark eyes glued to Taehyung’s hand as it touches Yoongi over and over, and over again.
It's his expression that trips you up the most, the intensity there all too reminiscent of the look you saw him sporting earlier. You noticed it as they all rushed to greet you after you came down for breakfast – the way Jimin's face soured as he picked up traces of both Yoongi and Taehyung's scent on your body. He kept throwing odd looks their way, a permanent scowl on his face as he bit into his toast.
His displeasure was clear as day when Taehyung had reached for something across Yoongi's plate, their arms brushing together. The thing was though, Jimin wasn't watching Yoongi. During breakfast, he kept staring Taehyung down, lip curling whenever the fox hybrid touched someone.
You didn't recognize it then, but you do now. You can see it in the way Jimin’s tabby ears are pulled flat against his hair, strained hands clutching on to his fluffed up tail in what looks to be a painful manner. His eyes keep tracking Taehyung as he touches Yoongi, never wavering anywhere else.
It's jealousy, and it's practically rolling off him in waves.
The thing that confuses you the most however, is that while Jimin looks green with envy, you can't quite tell what's actually upsetting him more – the fact that Yoongi is allowing Taehyung to pet him, or that perhaps a tiny part of him wishes that he was the one getting touched by Taehyung.
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a/n: Chapters 20 & 21 of "Abundance" are available on ko-fi! You can find them here: https://ko-fi.com/s/e95005a91d
so uhm ... hiii? i know it’s been a very long time since the last abundance update (18 months to be exact *cough*) but better late than never, right? it felt really weird returning to abundance after this long. even though i tried my best to recapture the old ‘feel’ of abundance, i still think i have some ways to go before i get fully used to writing this story again! i hope you guys can excuse any scenes that may feel a bit stilted or off while i get to know my characters again. but all of that aside – i’m so happy to be back. i really missed this story and my hybrid boys, and i missed you guys as well. 
how have you all been? did you enjoy the new chapter? please come talk to me in the comments (& remember to reblog, that helps me out a lot)!!
the next chapter will be posted in around three weeks time, but if you can’t wait then you can always read it early on my ko-fi! i would really appreciate the support!! 💖
see you all soon, stay safe! <3
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singsongraptor · 9 months
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Can someone please help me out with feeding my kids tonight? This last two weeks has been a hot mess for my family as we experience the "joys" of US healthcare and its absolute hatred for elders in general, but especially Black elders.
This all started with my grandmom needing an arterial bypass to save her foot. She got an infection in the rehab center. Cleared it up, sent home. Needed surgery on the other leg, last month and that's where it really dovetailed.
She got another infection, & this one was big. She was in the hospital for a month, needed 3 surgeries to clean the wound and came home needing both oral antibiotics and IV antibiotics. I had to learn how to give her infusions, change her bandages and she's got a wound vac.
The home care company has been a menace the last two weeks. They lied about her medicare insurance stopping payment on her services, lied to her doctor about it, which led him to write orders to drop the wound vac, which they used to try and take her vac and discharge her.
Meanwhile, my sis and I are handling all the practical care, keeping our parents abreast of her health while they handle the clerical side, as well as get our kids prepared for the school year starting, and they all have uniforms, which ate what little spare funds we had
tldr, our circumstances have been extremely high stress and miserable, I'm exhausted and in more pain, I'm worried about my grandmother, and I still have to feed this household for Sept with 8 dollars to my name, get shoes and masks for the kids
And ya know, med care for myself would be nice too, though what I'd really like is another air purifier. Food and masks for the kids come first tho, so please, any and all survival appreciation for this capitalist, racist hellscape is love
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Also, we need sick people stuff, like soup and otc meds like ibuprofen and cold medicine.
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starker-raving-mads · 3 months
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For You: Part II
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX
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It had been two weeks since Tony Stark's disaster of a funeral.
Peter thought he'd gotten maybe 12 hours of sleep in that time, mind still haunted with the last images of Mr. Stark he'd ever have - but also now haunted with Ms. Potts's words.
He did it for you.
The rest of the sleep he'd gotten was mostly from passing out from sheer exhaustion. The city was in ruins and more than ever, Queens needed their friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. It was humbling the first time a grandmother started sobbing after seeing him, clutching him to her chest. Kids of all ages came up to him in ferocious hugs and clinging to his arms and legs. Many of them had heard tell of Spider-Man but were too young to have known him, and many more had missed his suited face around the streets, protecting them and keeping peace.
Peter's heart ached knowing that they'd been without him for so long, and through something so awful. The Blip was an instant for him, done and undone with only the vaguest sense of time loss in between. But for them? Half a decade of time, gone, lost in the deep expanse of tragedy. The teenager could hardly begin to understand it.
When he'd told May - who wasn't Blipped, who'd lost him for five long and miserable years, who had gray hair at her roots and frown lines where the laugh lines had been - that he couldn't leave Queens, couldn't leave his people, even for something like college, she grabbed him fiercely around his shoulders and they both cried.
"You're so incredibly strong, baby," she whispered into his hair, voice husky from holding onto her tears. "I'm so fucking proud of you."
So yeah. Queens needed him.
But that wasn't what was on his mind, not now, not with 12 hours of sleep and too much coffee in his system and a overwhelming, polished stone building looming over him. He tapped his fingers restlessly against the worn thigh of his jeans. Taylor & Taylor, the sign said. Attorneys at Law.
He was here for Mr. Starks will reading. Apparently, per the couriered letter to his and May's apartment last week, he was part of the will and was required to be in attendance. Baffled, all he'd even remotely begun to believe Mr. Stark would leave him with was the Spider-Man suit, or maybe a patent for it, to keep his identity safe? He really wasn't sure.
The caffeine in his system was causing his anxiety to ratchet up as he entered the building, greeted the receptionist, and was ushered to a conference room with a long, shiny table. At the other end of the table sat Pepper and Peter flatlined his lips together and gave her a nod, ignoring her well-hidden wince.
She hadn't said anything to him after the barrage at the funeral, Happy having pulled her off of him and led her away, still sobbing. He imagined, for all that she was probably still mad at him, that someone as put together as Pepper Potts felt uneasy with her emotional break, understandable as it was.
He sat down in the furthest seat from her anyway.
2 silent, tense minutes later, Happy entered the room. He gave Peter a quiet clap on the shoulder before going to Pepper's end of the table and sat down next to her, holding a whispered conversation. He could've easily heard them but was trying to mentally tune them out for their own privacy. Not long after more people entered the room - Rhodey, Sam Wilson, Steve Rodgers, and Bucky Barnes all ushered in a line, looking like they'd come together.
It was an odd mix of people, Peter supposed, but then again Mr. Stark always valued the unseen in those he cared about. The hardest one to figure was probably Bucky, whom Tony had given Peter the breakdown on. The man had gone, in his words, feral after learning Bucky was the one to take out Howard and Maria Stark and Peter could hear the stale anger and sadness in those few moments Mr. Stark talked to him about it, explained why he'd come back from Germany beaten, how the rift in the Avengers came to be.
Looking across the table, though, Peter couldn't see the ruthless killer he'd once been. His metal arm had been removed, the shirt sleeve carefully tucked around his shoulder, and he was quiet and contemplative, glancing around the table much like Peter was. In fact, it was less glancing at the other occupants and much more at Peter himself.
Actually, most of the table had looked at Peter more than once and it took him a good, long moment to realize it was because they didn't know who the hell he was. Pepper and Happy were the only two not looking his way, still whispering quietly between themselves. It struck him that despite his mask having been torn away in battle, no one had seen him, no one here but Pepper and Happy knew he was Spider-Man.
No wonder they're staring at me, he thought. Why would a teenage boy be at Tony Stark's will reading -
What little blood his body could spare rushed to his cheeks and the back of his neck and he stared resolutely down at the table. Despite many, many fantasies, he and Mr. Stark didn't have that kind of relationship. But oh how Peter had wished they had - how his heart and soul belonged to Tony Stark even if it was never given in return.
His long unrequited yearnings were interrupted by the lawyers finally coming in. It was two of them and what looked to be a junior associate, hands loaded with files. "We apologize for the delay," the more sleek looking 50-something woman said. "We had been confirming the last of the details."
"It's all right," Pepper said, brusque and business-like despite the emotion the teen could read in every line of her face. "Let's get started."
The lawyers sat themselves at the long table, at the head near Peter and across from Pepper. "This is the final reading of the last Will and Testament of Anthony Edward Stark," the male lawyer said, reading from his portfolio. He glanced up. "Much of this actually comes in the form of videos that Mr. Stark created himself," he said, and Peter could tell he wasn't the only one who'd barely withheld a pained gasp. "We have some to read and at the end, we'll set the video to play and he asked that only those called for his Will be allowed to remain to view it."
That figured, Peter thought. If there were a handful of powerful people in this room, superheroes and not, it made sense Mr. Stark wanted everything as on the downlow as possible.
"Firstly, to Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes," he said as a junior associate quietly and quickly handed Rhodey a file folder. "He leaves all patents and holdings and architecture belonging to the tool 'War Machine' to you. Specifically with the addendum - try not to give this one away to the government, Platypus." The lawyer looked uncomfortable but Rhodey chuckled, smile full of love and pain both.
"Next, to Captain Sam Wilson," the junior slid a similar folder in front of Sam. "He leaves all patents and holdings and architecture belonging to the drone 'Redwing' to you." The man cleared his throat. "Per Mr. Stark's instructions - 5 years is a long time to fiddle with something without ever knowing if the owner is coming back. If what we're about to do works, enjoy the little sucker."
Sam's lip quiver slightly before he tightened his jaw, nodding once. Peter wasn't the only one seemingly effected by the genius's generosity, not by a long shot.
"To Captain Steve Rodgers, he leaves all intellectual property rights to the design of his vibranium shield." The lawyer cleared his throat. "And the entirety of his liquor collection. Per instructions, 'So you have something to test that alcohol tolerance with, boy scout." Steve let out a low chuckle, nodding in thanks to the associate who handed him his folder.
"Finally," the female lawyer said, standing up as her colleagues exited the room. "We have the rest of his Will on video. We have not, and will not view this video, but have specifics mentioned within documented. These are vague," she clarified when Pepper looked like she was about to ask, "and only enough to allow the contents within the video to be legally sanctified." She gestured to a remote at Pepper's end of the table. "Simply press play and the recording will begin."
The room was quiet for a moment after the last lawyer left and Pepper cleared her throat before gesturing to Happy to hit play. An instant later, on the large screen at the end of the room, Tony Stark appeared.
His face was lined with the extra years Peter didn't get to have with him, hair graying and so fucking handsome it hurt. The frown lines around his mouth were more distinct than ever and there was a sort of settled sadness to his eyes that Peter had never seen before. He didn't move with the restless fidgeting that Peter himself often exhibited, the sign of a mind that wouldn't cease moving. If the teen had to guess, it was because of too much having happened. He knew that after the Blip, Tony had spent months withering away on a space ship and then years secluding himself at the cabin where his funeral was held. He retreated into himself more and more, letting the rest of the world figure itself out without his interference. If the pain in his face was anything to go by, Peter understood and his heart broke for that version of Tony he'd never gotten to know.
"Testing, testing," the Tony on the screen joked, letting a put upon smirk flit across his face. "Just joking, we all know my technology wouldn't fail me like that." The wink was devastating to Peter's psychology and it was already clear that this whole video would be his downfall.
"But seriously," the older man continued, more collected now. "If you're seeing this video, we either failed and died trying or I died after having succeeded." He shrugged. "The chances of everyone coming out alive were," he wiggled one hand in a so-so fashion, "basically zero. At least if it's only me, then hopefully no one else got hurt." He winced. "Sorry, Pep, but if it's me or half the universe - I'm so sorry, honey," he was so sincere it hurt Peter's teeth. He could hear the hitch in Ms. Potts's breathing from here. "If it's me or half the universe, you know which one I'm gonna pick." He looked genuinely regretful, as if he didn't realize that he was worth more than just one man. As if he didn't realize he was the center of more than one person's whole world.
Much as Pepper might hate him, she and Peter had that much in common.
"Soo," Tony continued, dragging out the note. "Now is the time to give you guys my last Will I guess. Honeybear, Sam, and Capcicle, you should've all gotten your patents and whatnots," he gestured to nothing again. "The lawyers insisted on that bit. But the real important stuff is in this video, right now." He cleared his throat.
"First, Bucky," the super soldier's head snapped to attention, looking like he didn't know why he was being called on even though being in this room was enough to know something was coming his way, words or otherwise. "Man, I went ballistic on you when we first met," Tony frowned. "It took me a long time, and a smart guy to tell me that sometimes people aren't the culmination of their actions, especially when they weren't in control of themselves."
Those were the words Peter had said to Mr. Stark during one of their lab binges - but about Mr. Stark himself, when he was too in his head about his past as a weapon salesman. He nearly started crying thinking that the man had heard him so profoundly that he'd applied to knowledge to others. Fuck, this hurt.
"So," Tony cleared his throat. "You don't need my forgiveness because you did nothing wrong. But I'm giving it to you anyway because if you're anything like me - and I have a suspicion you might just be - then you need to hear it. I forgive you, Bucky. And, not only that - in case that wasn't enough," he said, voice taking on its cocky tone that, again, Peter could tell was put upon, "I have a secondary prize for you. I figure you probably don't like that arm the Russians gave you, so I made you a new one. Arc reactor powered, and it shouldn't be as painful. Plus, I integrated some of the nanites from my suit to help with the whole sensation thing. I, uh," he cleared his throat, ducking his head before looking back up. "I kind of just thought about what Dad would want for his oldest friends and figured I could at least do that, especially since you really have had just the most shit time the last 70 years. So. I hope you take it, and I hope it works, and just like live the rest of your life the way you want, okay?"
The gaze that Bucky had on the screen was like someone frozen, unable to express anything or feel anything. Like a statue too overwhelmed by movement to do anything but sit there. Next to him, Steve wrapped an arm around him, hand sliding up to grip the back of Bucky's neck. It seemed to wake the man up and he took a deep breath, nodding to whatever the super soldier had whispered into his ear.
"Next," Tony continued. "Happy. I'd make you chief security officer but we both know you'd pull your hair out." Both men chuckled. "Instead, I bequeath my classic car collection. You already have funds sitting in your bank account so don't worry about not being able to take care of them, buddy."
"Thanks, boss," Happy said and it was sweet and sorrowful.
"Pep," the genius took a second to smile sadly into the camera. "I'm so sorry, Pepper, that I couldn't give you what you deserved. But we all know that you are, and have always been, bigger and better than me." Silent tears gathered in the corners of the CEO's eyes and she dabbed at them, elegant and perfect and everything Peter knew he wasn't. "I leave you the lake house and that brownstone you love in Manhattan, all the money in the prenup account, and 20% of my shares at SI. You've always been an amazing CEO and mother, and I know you'll be even better without my shenanigans haunting you every waking moment."
At that, everyone at the table chuckled. Grief, dark humor, and Tony Stark went together like nothing else. Peter's mind, though, was turning over. Mr. Stark only left those things to Ms. Potts? Wouldn't it have made more sense to leave her for last and say 'everything else is yours, babe.'
"Finally," Tony sighed and it was the most straightforward he looked all video. "Pete." Peter's heart clenched and he felt more than saw everyone start eyeing him. He was too focused on the screen to look anywhere but Mr. Stark's face. "You put so much trust in me, kid, and I gotta say it wasn't warranted. I have fucked up almost every single part of my life and until Thanos, you were the only thing I never ruined." The teen swallowed past the lump in his throat, tears gathering in his own eyes and wanting to scream you didn't ruin anything. "If you're seeing this, then that foolhardy plan of mine worked. And you gotta know, kid," the sincerity in the older man's eyes was sharp with pain, now, instead of dull with grief. "You gotta know I did it for you." He cleared his throat. "You're the best of us, and I wasn't going to leave you behind."
The sounds of crying hit Peter's ears and he realized that both he and Ms. Potts were starting to cry in unison. Their pain so similar and shared but so very far apart.
"I couldn't leave things the way they were knowing you had been lost because of that big purple smurf," Tony continued. "The first year you were gone I don't think I left my lab more than 5 times," he laughed softly and it made Peter's heart clench. "I drank more than my liver could probably take, considering everything, and I tried, tried, tried to figure it out, Underoos, I really did. I'm sorry it took this long."
He took a deep breath and the inhabitants of the room did the same. Peter could feel their curious stares boring into his neck but his eyes didn't stray from the screen.
"You have to trust me once more okay, Pete?" Tony asked and Peter would give him anything. He nodded even though the man obviously couldn't see him. "Firstly, to everyone else." The everyone else in question sat straighter up in their chairs. "This," he gestured and somehow it lined up with Peter's chair, "is Peter Parker. To all of you but Happy, Pete was my intern at SI. Believe me when I say this kid has the brightest mind of his generation, but that's not the only reason he's here."
He took another breath. "See the thing is, Peter Parker also happens to be Spider-Man. Yes," he said, sensing that half the room was going to interrupt with questions despite him being a recording - he knew them well. "Yes, the same guy that fought with us in Germany. Yes the same one who's spent the last few years - pre-Blip - defending the streets of Queens."
Voice becoming more intimate, he continued, "Pete is the best of us. He's got your bravery, Rhodey, and he's got your need to stick up for what's right, Steve. The kid is pure good and too smart to not do anything with it. He's gonna be better than you or me combined."
Peter flushed. It wasn't that Mr. Stark hadn't said things in that vein to him before, but to other people? He wanted to protest so, so badly and the fact that he couldn't was strangling him alive.
"And he's gonna need your help. I did what I could, before everything, and I failed over and over again." His mouth was set into a thin line. "He needs people on his side, now more than ever, now after everything, and even more than you might think because," he took a deep breath, "I'm leaving him the company."
"What the fuck," Rhodey whispered.
"What the fuck!" Pepper screeched.
"What the fuck?" Peter gasped.
Their weird sort of chorus ended after that as the room went up in cacophony. On screen, Tony was quiet because yeah, he knew most of the people in that room well enough to know they needed a minute.
"He can't do that," Pepper kept saying as Happy tried to calm her down.
"Pepper," Tony started talking again and it shocked all of them enough to calm down and shut up. "I know you're mad and I know you think I can't but - you're amazing, okay? You are so fucking good at being CEO it's like you were born for it. But Stark Industries has always, and will always, need someone there to be the mad scientist. First it was dad, and then it was me, and now it's gonna be Pete - if he accepts." He sighed. "I had really hoped to last a few more years to get you prepped for his, kid," he shrugged, chagrined smile on his face again. "But death waits for no one, me especially." That sobered them all up.
"I really hope you take this, Petey," he continued, "but if you don't, I won't be disappointed. It's a lot, I know, and if you say no, then everything goes to Pepper and that's fine. But all the weapons I've made for the Avengers and co over the years, all the Iron Man designs, all the Spider-Man things - I'm sorry, but I'd have to trash it. Friday already has the program depending on your answer, but don't let that stop you. Even if you say no to this, you're still gonna be set for life, okay?" His voice, for the first time the entire video, took on a pleading tone. "Please, please don't do this just because I'm asking. Do it because it feels right for you and if it doesn't that's okay. I set aside money for you and May to live easy for the rest of your life if you need it, college, all of it. Just, please consider it."
As if Peter could do anything else. As if Peter would let the last of Tony die with this one request. Say yes and get everything, say no and Tony dies again.
"Pepper," Tony goes on. "If Peter does accept, then I need you there to support him. I know it's hard, and I know you're probably fucking furious at me," he smiled and for just a moment his eyes twinkled in the most devastating way. "But trust me this last time that this is what's best. You know I was never the business guy, not really. But you also know that I love this company and would never leave it to someone who wouldn't do it justice."
He shifted in his seat on screen. "And for Rhodey, Steve, Bucky, and Sam - the kid's gonna need you guys to help him out with the superhero gig. I wasn't really the best with, you know, ground level stuff and that happens to be his specialty. Get him what he needs, help him where you can, and just be there for him, okay?"
"We will, Tones," Rhodey agreed, swearing on their behalf.
For his part, Peter was overwhelmed. It didn't matter what everyone else was saying right now. He heard it, but it was cotton in his brain, the lightning fast jump of thought to realization to devastation of this whole hour more than he could keep up with.
"And with that," Tony sighed. "I'm sorry, but I've got to hopefully go save the world. Or end it," he shrugged, chuckling, "who knows."
The video cut out and the screen turned off. Silence reigned until -
"You cannot take it," hissed Pepper.
"Pep - " Happy started.
"No!" Pepper yelled, standing and slamming her hands onto the table loud enough to make Peter's sensitive hearing ring. "He already took Tony he's not taking my company!"
"My company," Peter said, quietly, resolutely.
Her bright red hair whipped as she faced him, glaring. "No."
"I'm really sorry, Ms. Potts," he said quietly, firmly. "But Mr. Stark was right. Stark Industries needs someone to lead the innovation side and I'm not saying I'm the best - "
"You aren't," she hissed. Across the table from Peter, Rhodey frowned at her.
" - but I'm the one Mr. Stark chose," the teen finished. He stood, facing her, and it felt weirdly powerful to be the only other person standing in this room of powerful people, facing off against Pepper Potts against something that was by all rights his.
What the fuck was his life.
"It's not the first time Tony's thought with his dick before his brain," she spat, "but for fucks sake to give the leading shares of SI to a fucking teenage twink."
"Pepper that's enough," Rhodey said. Beside her, Happy was trying to get her to calm down, one hand reaching up to her shoulder. She shrugged it off, shaking her head.
"You can hate me all you want," Peter said, shrugging. "But Mr. Stark spent the last 20 years trying to fix the world in the best way he knew how and if a bunch of board members who are too greedy to care about that get a hold of his patents or turn the tide against the CEO and spin SI back to the weapons manufacturers that you used to be," he shook his head. "There is no greater way to disrespect Mr. Stark's legacy than that and I'm not gonna let it happen."
"You think you know about how business works," she laughed cruelly. "You think you know Tony - well you don't, Peter. No matter how many promises he made you or how much he lied to everyone else, Tony Stark was always one thing at his core: selfish."
Peter's face crumpled in perplexed sadness. "You can be as mad at me as you want, ma'am," he said, shaking his head. "But I know you don't believe that."
"I didn't," she said, voice quiet but still full of venom. "I haven't for 20 years. But him killing himself to bring you back to life, only to give the leading shares and intellectual rights to you after the fact?" She rolled her eyes. "God, you must have been some fuck."
"Virginia," Happy hissed, standing up next to her finally.
Her eyes darted over to him, then to the rest of the faces staring at her from around the table, like she'd forgotten they were there. Her face blanched slightly but her expression didn't change. She glared at him, gathering her things, and walked toward the door.
As she left, she shouted over her shoulder, "You'll be hearing from my lawyer."
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afreakingdork · 3 months
Text
Weak Spot - Chapter 60
RotTMNT Donatello x Reader
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This week's chapter art by @garbagemilkshake lights up the night
Warnings: Aged-up Turtles, Romance, Meet Cute, Villain Donatello, Cussing, Crushes, Xenophobia, Fear, Intimidation, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Love, AFAB Reader, Vaginal Sex, Sex Rough, Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Creampie, Teasing, Scent Kink, Sexual Tension, Breeding Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Marathon Sex, Somnophilia, Bondage, Feral Behavior, Feral Donatello, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Public Sex, Dom Donnie, Human/Turtle Relationships, Turtle Noises, Roleplay, Sexual Roleplay
Synopsis:  A love story of villainous proportions! Though it hadn’t come easily, as these things rarely do, you found yourself in a whirlwind romance with a handsome and mysterious mutant. His idiosyncrasies had been easy to ignore as attraction grew into something more. However, will love endure when the unknowns about him end up being far darker than you ever considered?
STOP! BEFORE YOU READ:
If you can stomach excessive violence, please remember that this chapter technically falls chronologically after the Sore Spot one-shot. However, it is not required reading and you will not miss out if you could not read it for whatever reason.
Fem!Reader References/Warnings Below Cut
Also available on Ao3
First 💜 Previous
Fem!Reader References/Warnings: Hospital, egregious injury, coma, intubation, needles, IV, coma, drugs, bleeding, broke bones, medical descriptions, medical tests, guns, gunshots, ect
“You’re late.”
“Sir.”
“47 minutes this time.”
Heavy sigh.
“27 the last and an hour and a half prior to that. You have two assigned patients total, one of which is no longer in critical condition and yet, here you are, late for the last round of your shift.”
“If you think-!”
“133 Pitt St, Apartment 3B, New York, NY 10002.”
Sharp inhale.
“Contain your personal life. You shouldn’t have moved in with your boyfriend so fast. Of course, he’s cheating on you. If your sloppy time management skills are any indication, you were never meant to be a suitable partner.”
“THAT’S ENOUGH!!! I’M THROWING YOU OUT! I DON’T CARE THAT-!”
“Again!?”
“NO! NO MORE! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! I REFUSE TO-!”
“Please, ma’am! I’m begging you! I know! I know what he’s like and he’s a million percent at fault, but if you could-!”
“He just said my home address.”
“Eugh boy…”
“He’s cruel. He’s mean! He never stops! He’s-”
“Ma’am…”
“No! Don’t you ma’am me again! Do you know how many nurses have refused to serve this room! You are down to less than a handful and mark that down as one less because there’s no way in hell I’m coming back here. I’m filing a fucking police report. I’ve had enough of this shit. He threatens us. He lies. He antagonizes. He hovers! He’s a stalker! He’s a bastard! He should have been kicked out the moment he pulled that stunt in intake! I bet he was the one who did this to-!”
Slam.
“H-He-!”
“Donatello!”
Slam.
“Get out of my way, Leonardo.”
“Do you want to be cut off!? That’s what you’re fucking doing! We’ve been busting our fucking butts to keep you in here, but that’s enough!! Don’t you get it?! Do you want to be here when Y/N wakes up or do you want to be miserable and alone!?”
Snivel.
“She… insinuated… that I…”
“I know.”
Rustle.
“I know.”
“I didn’t…”
“I know…”
Sigh.
“I’m taking charge.”
Sharp inhale.
“That’s the only way this is going to work. You threatened her, idiot. What the fuck did you think was going to happen?”
Hmph.
“Ma’am…”
“You think I was gonna be moved by that?”
“Look, I get it. This is… There isn’t a way to explain this. All I can promise you is that if you can… find it in your heart to let this incident slide, there won’t be another.”
“I’m taking full blame, full responsibility. If he acts out of turn again, he’s banned. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Please.”
Heavy sigh.
Clink.
“You saved… my sister two years ago from a monster… er-“
“Monster. I’m not sure it was a mutant.”
“Right.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s… I’m only doing this because of that. Not for him. Fuck him. Hey! Yeah, I’m talking to you. Fuck you.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet.”
Squeak.
Squeak.
Squeak.
-
“And one cup of absolutely burnt coffee for the-!”
“I knew it!!!”
Clatter.
“Donatello!”
“Don’t.”
“I knew you were hiding something, but this-!”
“Get back.”
“What did you inject yourself with!?”
“That doesn’t concern you.”
“The hell it does! You think you can-!?”
“Don’t you dare touch me.”
“I didn’t mean-!”
“You know why, now leave it.”
Bang.
“I heard yelling! What’s going on? Donatello!”
“It’s alright, Lee.”
“Don’t you pull that shit! What happened!?”
“It’s fine.”
“Knock it off! No, it’s not! You’re going to let him talk to you like that?! What was that?! I was gone for five seconds!”
“Leo.”
“Don’t ‘Leo’ me, Mikey! Everything that happens is on me. Don’t you get that? You need to tell me what just happened!”
“Well!?”
“I got too friendly, Leo. Nothing else. I swear it.”
 “Damnit…”
-
“It’s been 2 weeks.”
“Donatello.”
“Say something.”
“I keep time. Down to the second.”
“Then you’ll know that you haven’t slept. Not once.”
“Donatello.”
“I fatigue of hearing my name come from your mouths.”
Heavy sigh.
Creak.
Squeak.
Wane.
“I… I know what this is like.”
“I know you know why I know.”
“It’s not going to get easier.”
“I know you don’t want to hear this.”
“You presume too much.”
“Donatello!”
“What? Why do you insist on pleading your case? Why do any of you? You think of yourselves so highly. You are wretches. You are sheep parading yourselves as saviors. You flock if only because you are too feeble to attempt anything alone! You think I need you? I never have! I never will! You have hitched yourselves to a technicality at best! That I let you live and occupy the same vicinity as Y/N is happenstance at best! Yet you press! You always press. Always. You never stop! You never have!!! You will plague me for my lifetime and I will never be rid of you so, please, pray tell, Raphael, what wisdom on this dimension or any other could you possibly think to disturb me with this time!?!”
“Ya done?”
“I should have-!”
Scrape.
Crash.
“You need to eat and drink. Actual food. Actual water. Y/N will need you when they wake up. All I was gonna say. I’m taking my turn outside. Try considering that we might care about something other than you once in a while.”
Step.
Step.
Step.
Click
-
Fuzz.
Someone left an ancient video set on.
It was plugged in for the sake of it.
Or it was being checked.
To see if it was still operational.
Something was beeping.
Not overly loud, but enough that it made a thrum in the room.
It smelled clinical.
Dry, but with a must of synthetic polish, it spoke of industrially cleaned linens and hospital corridors.
There was an actual hum.
The kind that came from fluorescents when they painted everyone a sickly hue.
Something was in your mouth.
A twitch found a tube in your nose.
You were cold.
Every breath came with an ache and numbness.
It all channeled down your throat. 
You were layered up with blankets.
Three parts of you were free as far as you could tell.
Your left arm.
Stiff, folded, and holding emphasis.
Your head.
Lying on a papery substance concealing more than one pillow.
Your right hand.
Only emerged enough for something stuck to the back of it and large digits cupped between your loose fingers.
Two digits.
Two long, thick fingers.
You squeezed with as much force as you could manage.
You heard a little grunt.
You shifted to dig your nails.
“Woah there.”
Not Donnie.
That wasn’t Donnie.
It wasn’t Donnie.
You made a weary noise and tossed lightly against your pillow in dismay.
The thing in your mouth shifted.
You choked.
“Shh. You’re okay. Breathing tube. I know, I know. I also know I’m not the one you want, but I can get him. Can you hang tight for me, kay?”
The fingers returned the hold.
Eyes.
You wanted your vision.
You cracked a lid and winced it back shut at the light.
“You’re in the hospital. I’ve got you.” Another hand came to touch your leg in a neutral, but reassuring way. “You with me?”
Knowing there was too much white, you opened your eyes slower this time and glimpsed Leo leaning over you.
“Hey, Y/N.”
You croaked.
“That’s all the confirmation I need.” He gave your hand a final squeeze before walking to the end of your bed. “Any more false starts and he’d lose it. The roving eye thing has been a nightmare.” 
Gaze adjusting by the second, you watched him slice open a portal and Donnie clamber through with a rush of sound. “You had seven more minutes before you were meant toI-! Does that mean-!?”
Leo stepped out of the way and held out an arm. 
Donnie rounded his head and was at your side before you could blink.
Function was difficult.
He cradled your hand close and you saw the wire attached to it.
Tracing it drearily, you found several bags sitting above you dripping liquid directly into your veins.
Coming back down, Donnie had tears in his eyes and a watercolor smile on his lips. “Y/N.”
You creaked, rusty on your intubation.
“Yes! We’ll get that right out if possible! Of course!” He brought his beak down and kissed the tips of your fingers. “Procedure says you should first explain whereabouts as a patient may be confused.” Donnie gave a sharp nod. “Y/N. There has been a travesty. We were in the Hidden City when we were ambushed. We-I-No-We were drugged… and you… you were…” Tears threatened to fall and he choked with a swollen throat.
You squinted at him.
None of that made sense.
You didn’t remember anything like that.
You remembered.
You remembered.
You remembered a beach.
You remembered a love potion.
You remembered rolling in the sheets with your mate.
You remembered.
You made a fearful noise and pulled at your body.
None of it came as it should.
Your arm wasn’t just folded, it was taped down to your chest.
In fact, most of your body was constricted.
The pull clanged along muscle groups and you felt a pulse trained inwards on your abdomen.
Shooting sparks of pain straight into your gut, you gave a soft pained cry and tried to kick.
Only one leg responded.
The other was lead and weighed down.
You were choking.
“Y/N, w-wait! P-please!” Donnie refused to touch any more of you.
“Donatello.” Leo appeared just behind him.
“Don’t. It won’t. Not now.” Donnie went to snap at the blue turtle.
Leo stared back, stoic. 
“Don’t…” Donnie managed, gaze falling.
“Y/N.” Leo took to the other side of the bed and reached in to adjust a strap of bandage on your shoulder. “Listen. You’re at the Mount Sinai on Madison. You were in emergency, then the ICU, then you got assigned a room. Saying you were banged up is an understatement. You almost died. You might have, if we hadn’t…”
Relegating to pupil movement, you first stared at Leo, then checked with Donnie.
Your boyfriend gave a sharp nod where he’d taken Leo’s seat at your side and your hand.
You rasped.
“They had to medically induce a coma so we could figure out what substance you were injected with. You were considered an overdose patient until then. S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. cracked it and passed the info along so they could treat you. Then you… didn’t wake up. They considered it a regular coma after that. You were stabbed in your shoulder, miracle it missed any of the three arteries there. You’ll have a hell of a time with physical therapy for the muscle though. Your left femur is broken, but that… We’ll get into that later. You were cut along the ribs and stabbed in the right upper torso, into the liver. You were in surgery for hours. Internal bleeding… concussion… broken bones, you name it.”
You made a flighty grunt.
Donnie squeezed you.
You sent him a weak flick of your eye.
Leo sighed softly. “Button time?”
“I hit it a moment ago.” Donnie answered, not looking away from you.
Leo nodded and put his hands on his hips. “Ready, Y/N?”
Leo. 
Donnie. 
Together in the same room. 
It only occurred to you now that there was an issue with that. 
There was so much happening. 
All of it was wrong. 
You shifted your pupil between the two and translated what you hoped was a question.
“I’m assuming you’re wondering about this?” Leo pointed between him and Donnie. “Another explanation for later because you’re going to want to sleep after what’s about to happen… I sure as hell did.”
He walked to a corner and you wanted to know what he meant, but a nurse walked in. “Oh…! How are you feeling!?”
What followed was torturous. Over and over your sanity was questioned and examined as they checked your faculties. Tests were done in abundance and you were poked and prodded by what you assumed was every metal device known to man. A legion of doctors, nurses, and contracted medical personnel filed through to tell you similar and yet all new information about your wounds. Tubes were inserted, removed, and shifted around in what you could only imagine was a cruel cosmic game of hokey pokey. You picked up little details where you could under the barrage. There had been something about mysticism, both bad and good. You’d healed nicely. You had more healing to do.
It had been three total weeks since the attack.
You held onto that lost time with an iron claw until you were forced upright. Both for physical examination and because a wheelchair arrived for some test that couldn’t be done in this room, you saw Donnie keep a wounded strength up and Leo keep his distance. Both men had been similarly cycled, in and out of your vicinity, for the sake of decorum. You alternatively had none as you were carted around for more scans where doctors both talked to and around you. By the time you were uncomfortably back in bed and finally left alone, you could barely keep your eyes open.
“Sleep.” Donnie kissed your temple.
“Donnie…” You fought your lids.
You hadn’t gotten to talk to him at all. 
His name was probably the first thing you’d said to him. 
You wanted to say so much more. 
How could you be tired?
You’d been asleep for nearly a month.
Donnie hushed your mind and a glimpse of him was the last thing you saw.
-
You woke up sometime in the night to a nurse fiddling with your IV.
“I have to get used to seeing you.” She teased lightly, checking the cord and coming away with a syringe.
You grunted out a sound.
“Don’t mind me.” She told you before giving your good leg a pat and disappearing around the bed. “Just something to ease the pain.” 
You stared after her shape and caught a dull hue of Leo on the far side of the room.
Squinting, you found him watching after the nurse before he turned with a tired expression.
Following his gaze led to Donnie who was waiting with a patient expression.
“Hey.” You told him still groggy.
“Hi…” He pet your arm. “No need to get up.”
“No… I… I’m… can I…?” You stirred, trying to remember if sitting up was a chore.
“What do you need? Feel free to sign an approximate.” Donnie watched on with tepid affection.
In the corner of your eye you saw Leo turn his head in a way to give you privacy. You eyed him openly before returning to Donnie. Your first real look at him, you saw how the last few weeks had taken their toll. An odd midpoint in comparison to your last separation where he’d headed to the Hidden City alone, he looked a little on the mend. Eyes sallow, but skin perked with some vestige of hydration, he mostly looked exhausted.
“Water…” You decided, your throat dry and still cracked from the tube.
“You might have trouble swallowing, go slow.” He retrieved a pitcher and cup from a side table before filling it carefully to offer it with a straw.
Knowing he would hold it, you wrangled the lead with your lips and sucked in the life giving liquid.
He lowered it when you’d had enough.
“Sore…” You mumbled, leaning back and feeling the cool drink travel downward in your body.
Donnie nodded.
You took your time reaching up to cup his cheek with a spin of your wrist to coax him in. “Not clean. Sorry.”
“I’ve done my best.” Donnie whispered, coming in only enough to barely rest his forehead against the side of your head.
“Why-?” A cough caught you and each wheeze thudded through your wounds.
Donnie disappeared to monitor you closely.
Hand falling away, you winced against the aggravating loose, but tight nature of your esophagus.
You heaved a sigh as you caught your breath with the ragged little pinpricks that still held on.
Taking additional time to simply breathe, you eventually calmed enough to look out at Leo. “Explain this.”
Leo perked up in the moonlight seeping through a window and approached.
“Now?” Donnie asked without pressure.
You gave a single nod.
“Consider it a bedtime story.” Leo refused an actual smile, but there was a jovial edge to his tone as he came around to the opposite side of the bed. “We make it boring enough and we can put Y/N right to sleep.”
Donnie barely rolled his eyes.
“What got you here or this situation?” Leo asked with minor disdain, ignoring Donnie while also referencing him.
“Both… from the… beginning?”
Leo gave a knowing nod. “When I got the call, you were…”
Donnie bristled and had to hold himself.
“Bad.” Leo decided with a tight eye over your boyfriend. “It was bad.”
Donnie closed his eyes.
You reached for him.
He caught your hand and held it delicately to save the IV.
“We were together so we moved together.” Leo went on.
“Toget…?” You struggled on the syllables.
“Me, Mikey, and Raph.” Leo confirmed.
You bobbed slightly.
“Skipping over our entrance onto the scene, Mikey sort of…” Leo juggled his phrasing.
Donnie was up and away from you.
You stared after him and noticed he’d taken the time to set your hand down before fleeing.
“Mike’s got all sorts of mystic mojo.” Leo tried anew. “I knew you were going straight to surgery and Mikey sort of… snuck into prep.”
“Wha…?” Your lips parted dry and you wished Donnie would come back with the water.
“I wasn’t there, to be clear, I’m going off what Mike told me, but basically he zapped you with magic before the staff caught him.”
“I don’t…” You wanted to shake your head, but you settled for a failed swallow.
“In addition to flying, Mikey can kinda sort of teleport like me, but it’s different… he can…” Leo struggled.
“Leonardo trained with an artifact to hone tears through space. Michangelo can rip through space and time with his bare hands.” Donnie spoke, his back half turned to you. “To his detriment. You’ve seen his scarring.”
Leo seemed unperturbed by this knowledge. “He’s banned from it, but I can’t control him in an emergency or last resort sort of thing. It’s… a whole thing, but he can manage very short distances without it… without…”
“Leo…” You murmured, sensing there was something painful there.
Leo took your acknowledgement as a cue he could skip over details. “He took one look at a hospital map, teleported into the OR, dumped as much mystic healing into you as he could, teleported out when he was found, and then promptly passed out for an entire week.” 
You heard Donnie inhale to speak and both you and Leo waited for him to, but he didn’t.
Something was off here.
You felt like you hadn’t woken up.
Pangs said otherwise, but you still wanted to pinch yourself.
Leo and Donnie were being as civil as you’d ever seen them and only a few weeks didn’t seem like enough time for that.
Something else was happening, but you were struggling to keep up as it was.
“What… did he…?” You hoped that was enough.
Leo lightly touched a blanket crease on the edge of your bed. “He mostly reassembled bone fragments. From what I understand, flesh, with all its blood vessels and such is a harder patch, but he did get some in. Mostly that gash along your ribs. Overall, it’s more of a general spell. If it had been me-” Leo’s teeth caught the light.
“You…?”
“Medic training.” Leo held the first bitter edge you’d seen to him. “I’m a trained medic.” 
Donnie rotated further away.
Why were you losing him?
“Mikey took you from a femoral break to a fracture.” Leo kept a sharp gaze. “Your bone was shattered.”
“Oh…” You gazed down at your body.
“T-tricky with the casting.” Leo stepped up to point and shift the topic. “It’s called a spica. A groovy kind of asymmetrical bottoms, half shorts, half pants, which you have, but they should have cast it up your whole torso, only they couldn’t because of the… stab wounds…” He drifted, his acrid edge returning.
“What’s… going… on?” You got out, the many odd signs too much for you.
“I’m sure you don’t want some medical textbook info on the arteries… But I think I can simplify it-”
“Leo.” You pressed down on his name.
Donnie was nearly curled into the wall.
“Donnie.”
Your partner's head barely rotated at the sound of your voice.
“What… happened?” You wheezed. 
You’d asked Leo to start from the top. 
Instead, he’d skipped around. 
Now there was an ever changing air as if something enormous was being avoided. 
You had to know. “Tell me.” 
Leo tugged your sheet until it was smooth. “Intake.”
The word oppressive, you felt the other two suffer under it where it held no connotation to you. “What… about it?”
“You still don’t remember what happened during the attack?” Leo asked, edging closer to you with an odd timber.
You shook your head slowly.
“A… Hidden City police officer… abducted you both.” Leo began, a clear wary of Donnie even though he didn’t look. “The guy disobeyed the temporary pardon. We know next to nothing about his goal.”
Your hand flexed and you felt the bite of your IV needle.
“Without you, there’s no account of what happened. The perp left no evidence of planning or anything so we have to assume it was spontaneous, but… we don’t know. We won’t know. Donatello regained consciousness right before the guy tried to…”
Your gaze flew to Donnie where he’d wedged in a corner.
He didn’t know what happened?
No one did.
Was he guilty?
You wished you could go to him.
Leo gave a shaky exhale. “I can only say what I saw for sure.”
You were slow to trek back to Leo.
“Donatello called me and… asked-”
“Begged.” Donnie spoke venom. “Say it.”
Leo’s eyes flashed a warning that Donnie didn’t catch. “I guess he… beggedfor my help. I portaled over and saw you… you were… you…”
Soothe them. 
You wanted to hold Donnie. 
You wanted to pat Leo. 
If your arm closest to him wasn’t bandaged down you might have managed the latter. 
Leo seemed to notice your intention and gave a tired smile of his own.
This was the closest he’d been to you yet. 
His eyes looked like Donnie’s.
“I scooped you up with the others trailing behind and portaled us straight to triage.” Leo cut through the silence. “I had to leave you bleeding out on the nurse’s station because…”
“Y/N.” Donnie spoke around shattered glass.
“You won’t tell it.” Leo ground out just shy of a bark.
“I should…” Donnie tried to turn, but there was an odd glint to his eye.
“Donatello…” Leo had that warning to him again.
“I can talk about it!” Donnie’s voice held a rising bile. “I am not some child!”
“Donatello!” Leo took a few steps over.
“I lost control!” Donnie turned to plead his case with you.
Trapped in your bed, you felt strapped down.
You couldn’t help.
You were helpless.
“I didn’t see the yokai, you know.” Donnie crept forward slowly. “Your-our-your attacker.”
He looked a vision similar to a sleep paralysis demon.
Your heart clutched and it reflected in the ever constant beep of the heart monitor.
Leo neared the edge of the bed, his body readying.
Donnie saw nor heard neither. “I saw a knife. I saw you. I saw you speak your last words to me. Then I saw purple.”
Leo’s arms went up.
“They were trying…. They tried… They-!!!” In a single blink, Donnie’s eyes lit up a bright fuchsia. “They weren’t going to touch you.”
“Stop!” Leo’s eyes spun a blue similar to his portals.
Dancing lights filled the room.
For every flash of purple there was an equal blue swallowing it up.
It cast horrifying shadows across Donnie’s face. “I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop the bleeding. I couldn’t-!”
Leo caught Donnie’s shoulders in a swift move.
You flinched away as the dueling lights picked up to a blinding luminance.
There was a sharp choke.
You forced your lids up to see the glow gone and Leo’s leg lifted where he’d kneed Donnie straight through his plastron and into his stomach.
Donnie hunched with drool dripping from his mouth and had just caught himself from vomiting at the force.
Leo let go just as fast and held up innocent hands as he backed away. “Well? How’d that work out for you?!”
Donnie winced, clutching himself for a moment before he raised his own hand as a signal.
“What… was that…?” You looked at them both, feeling a ghost amongst them.
“Donatello unlocked his ninpo.” Leo turned to you looking haggard.
Now a moment away from tears, Donnie scrambled to his side of your bed on his knees. “I’m sorry. Are you okay? I’m sorry. I didn’t-!”
Your hand immediately went to his cheek and though your body raged and you were only allowed a few inches, you turned toward him as much as you could.
“Don’t do that…” He scolded and your action alone was enough to ground him minutely.
You shushed him with affection and pet down his jaw.
It took two strokes before he went a calculated limp against you.
“Has this…?” You swallowed hard and the cup appeared in front of you.
Hating how much maintenance you needed, you took a quick sip before shaking your head to force the swallow down.
“This has been… happening the whole time… since I got…?”
“Put in the hospital.” Leo nodded and staggered a few steps before he caught the bottom of your bed.
“What… power? Why… now?”
Leo rubbed an eye and mocked. “What power?” He clicked his tongue. “We… as in my family, believed it was only possible for clan members. You unlock your ninpo through acceptance. You have to have faith or trust or believe in the Hamato clan, in us, in family, and poof! It’s the only way you should be able to…” A form of irritation brought Leo upright. “Mikey and I unlocked ours to save Raph. It should be for family. Our family. That fierce protection. That-”
“He unlocked it…” You looked at Donnie.
He was curled into your palm with his eyes screwed shut, looking especially young.
“…saving me?”
Leo clicked his tongue.
Donnie gave a nod that was more of a nuzzle.
“It was wrong.” Leo spoke sharply.
A purple gun appeared in his face long enough for you to watch it cock before Leo realized and a tiny blue portal swallowed it up.
“Enough already! We just did that! You already flipped out so chill!” Leo growled, his eyes still entrenched in a glow.
“Don’t you tell me that saving them was a mistake in any way.” Donnie pulled from you to bare his fangs.
Several cycles of purple and blue cascaded a waterfall around Leo’s features. It painted him haunted before his face broke into true dismay. “I would never.”
The flickering stopped and you didn’t dare look at Donnie.
“How you activated it…” Leo shook his head trying to bury the raw emotion. “Your faith is misplaced. You get granted Hamato rights because you’re a Hamato. Because you believe in one another and how we’re stronger together… You are supposed to believe that you are a part of something larger and that they have you, everything about you. Every single bit. They will do anything for you! You don’t…! You don’t believe any of that!” His eyes rose with tears caught by the pale lights in the room. “That’s why you’re wrong. You tore into a power you shouldn’t have. That’s why you don’t have control. It will never be okay. It will never be yours! It shouldn’t.”
Donnie finally turned inward toward you and there were broken flickers of purple in his gaze like a match trying to light.
You had very little movement, but used what you could to grab his mask and tug.
He came limp and loose into your good shoulder and wilted there, shutting off the light.
Leo grunted about his weakness and did a small pace to recompose himself.
“Leo…” You murmured, petting Donnie with a heavy weight that he accepted.
“Yeah…?” He rounded the edge of the bed.
“That was… What Donnie made was…?”
“Weaponry.” Leo spat. “His power manifested in the same shit he started with. Destruction as always.”
There was a humming vibration of a phone.
Donnie flinched into you.
Leo pulled his device out.
“What’s wrong?” You whispered to Donnie, knowing you couldn’t go low enough to not reach Leo’s tympanum.
“The others…” Donnie rooted closer to you. “… they’ll come now.”
“Why?” You wished you could hold him.
“The flare of ninpo.” Leo answered, tacking something out. “They’re worried. I’ll tell ‘em it’s okay for now. You… I’ll give you this.”
Donnie couldn’t thank him, but he chuffed a sound of acknowledgement.
That seemed enough for Leo.
You felt a depth of what they’d been through without you. 
It was huge and weighty and both of them were overtaxed by it. 
All because of you. 
“Raph said you each had… specialties or something…” You murmured.
Leo stared dully at the blue light from his phone illuminating his face. “Donatello has built guns a million times over. Now he can assemble them without anything, but his mind. Makes sense. A stupid fucked up sense.”
You read the faintest emotion of him.
Fear.
“Leo-”
“I don’t agree, but Mikey has a different theory.” Leo pocketed his phone and his angle entrenched him in darkness. “He doesn’t see a problem with the unlocking because it was done to protect. He thinks the malfunction is tied to Donatello holding back. Something about him not being able to embrace the power because he’s forcing it away like everything else.”
Donnie exhaled revulsion.
“Agreed.” Leo puffed his own.
He did hold back.
You stroked down, tracing towards his concealed mating mark.
Did Donnie disagree because Mikey was on the right track?
He’d come a long way, but he still believed that the person he was with you wasn’t the authentic one.
He’d also said he could never live as himself.
That meant he’d never harness this power.
It loomed overhead, something even more dangerous than his enemies.
“It does… seem connected to your anger.”
You felt both men look at you, but you only watched Donnie.
“From… the little I’ve seen…” You tried to sound sheepish.
Donnie leaned in to rest his beak against your cheek. “You’re correct.”
Leo broke away and walked toward the window.
“And you two have just been…?” You glanced between them. “Together… this whole time?”
The palpable disdain swept through the room.
For a long moment neither spoke.
Donnie seemed the more sturdy of the two for now, sighed to retreat lightly, and adjusted your covers. “Not at first.”
Leo scrubbed his face.
“The initial chain of events went as such: I was…” The moment weighed on Donnie and took his voice.
“Not again…” Leo turned, looking twice as exhausted.
“I can do it.” Donnie pressed, harsh. “Look away.”
Leo bristled with obvious concern.
All you could think was how strange it was.
In such a short amount of time they’d seemingly come so far.
The Leo you knew would have taken every opportunity to barb Donnie.
Your Donnie would never allow the amount of supposed weakness he was currently displaying.
“I can.” Donnie tried again, his voice more even.
Leo said nothing and turned to tuck his head against the wall.
Donnie was slow in taking your face.
A familiar cascade of affection, it coaxed a smile from you and he nosed you lightly before drinking you into a kiss.
“My breath…” You murmured against the chaste press.
“Brushed earlier once the tube was removed and you were up to it.” Donnie caught your lips again and you realized the light brushes were to keep any errant smacks at bay.
“I’ve slept…” You teased him with the lightest nosing though the reach with your neck disturbed the muscles in your shoulder.
“You will learn to lie still.” He spoke with light heat and stole what was an obvious final kiss with a heavier press.
You relented into the pillow and failed to catch a soft sigh.
“That day… After disposing of that miscreant, I was beside myself. You needed more immediate attention then I could possibly… I found your phone. I called… When Leo appeared… I… I passed you off. My inadequacies were…”
“Too much…” You found his hand near yours and squeezed it.
He nodded and nuzzled close. “I let him take you, not more than a step behind, but Michelangelo…”
You tilted your head the slightest amount.
“You were deemed an obvious emergency and taken immediately. That I stood for, but Michelangelo he only…” Donnie paused and took a deep settling breath. “He had been nearby, suddenly saying he could help. Then he disappeared. I… It was an unknown variable. Him alone with you. With his mysticism… I… He hurt you before…”
You studied his eyes closely.
He leaned in to give you a better view, illustrating his gaze was free from purple, before nudging you with his beak. “I was irate to say the least. The staff would not let me warn them. Everyone kept telling me to calm down and then…” He caught himself and with several false starts to give a heady exhale. “Raphael subdued me after I manifested an entire arsenal and nearly leveled the waiting room.”
Leo shook his head against the wall, but you read it less as a disagreement and more of distress at the memory.
“His projections aren’t sturdy enough to dispel mine however. He temporarily knocked me out as the drug was still in my system.” Donnie continued. “When I woke, moments later, I was propped in the waiting room, informed Michelangelo had been returned to the sewer, Raphael was having a few superficial bullet wounds treated, and Leonardo was sat beside me.”
Leo flittered with a faint movement that you found to be his fist nervously tapping near his hip.
“For a while…” Donnie wrangled himself in and pulled away minutely to check your IV. “We sat as such for several hours until Leonardo spoke in regards to our predicament. A repeat of my display would put you at risk. The blue bast-ahem-Leonardo was meant to only be utilized as emergency transport. It was a temporary necessity. However… I was forced to acknowledge there was now more at play.”
Leo’s head tipped up and he looked toward a darkened ceiling corner.
“The staff had no choice but to accept my staying by your side once I was able.” Donnie had a faint smirk to him. “In situations such as those, I am unbothered. What power do they have? Police?” His teeth gleamed around a laugh, but he subdued it. “It was… your ongoing treatment that proved difficult. Not up to my standards. We’d failed to get S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. inside. You required the facilities and providers available here, but…”
Your lips parted and Donnie offered more water for you to sip.
“My threats along with my volatile ninpo made a dangerous combination. Not that they could have kept me away, but I was threatened with several premise bans.”  
He let the cup sit comfortably against your side.
“You see, upon our arrival here, each of us displayed our powers meaning the uninitiated were confused. Sure, there is an irritatingly obvious color coding, but what was less evident was the effects. Raphael had smothered my attack so only sick, delusional waiting room patients saw a hallucination at best. No one of importance saw what my ninpo created. This was for the best, but to keep it that way, as the lethality of my manifestations happens to be off putting to some-'' Donnie flicked a quick glance toward Leo in gesture. “-I had to be monitored…” His lip curled. “The others sat with me in rotation. I was unfortunately in need of their attendance in case my ninpo activated. The three traded off, but Leonardo’s ninpo is most suited to safely disarming mine.” 
Donnie came close enough that you could lean on him. 
“Waiting at your side gave me only time. Slowly, I achieved enough emotional control so as not to create weapons at the slightest provocation, but I am still me. I acted my usual and voiced my overall displeasure with your ongoing unconscious state. These… comments were not appreciated and compounded as I had worn my welcome. On supposed ‘thin ice,’ there was a particular incident where I slipped and allowed a nurse to see one of my manifestations. Thus a final deal was struck.”
Leo felt comfortable enough to turn and watch with a worn expression.
“Leonardo…” Donnie took on a strange expression that bordered appreciation. “… stepped in. He used his connections, status, and manipulation to garner you a better care rotation. In exchange, he was charged with being my full time handler. I was to defer to him in exchange and he put his entire public reputation on the line if only to keep me from actually being kicked out. If only… to allow us...” Donnie carefully cradled your hand. “... to stay together.” 
You were overwhelmed. 
Suddenly awash, your chest tightened lethally and you sent water works in Leo’s direction. 
The blue turtle startled at the emotion and gave a single sharp nod as if it was a normal duty as any other.
“Shh, don’t waste your limited energy on him. Again, not that it would have mattered. Nothing would have kept me from you.” There was a fragility to Donnie’s usual bravado.
You pinched his fingers to translate that you noticed.
He looked away with the faintest noise of frustration.
“That was a week ago.” Donnie murmured.
“Back up some.” You let go of him to point.
Donnie studied you before adjusting his stool with a rolling slide.
It put him more easily in your reach and you tugged his mask up from his beak.
He grunted, annoyed, but allowed it and you revealed the deeper dark bags barely concealed by it.
Trying to betray little, you delicately put Donnie’s mask back in place before gesturing for Leo to come over. “You next.” 
Leo walked to his spot on the opposite side where he yanked his mask up, unprompted, for you to see his equally swollen lids with an amused fluttering of his lashes.
“Him-” You threw a thumb back to Donnie as you spoke to Leo. “I expect to not sleep, but you?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time I lost sleep over the jackass.” Leo smirked.
Donnie rolled his eyes.
“He’s up, I’m up.” Leo shrugged and used both hands to get his mask right. 
“I would never allow myself disarmed around you.” Donnie growled lightly. 
“And you see why neither of us have slept.” Leo’s hands fell away and he cracked you a manic expression like it were an ice cold drink. 
“Where was…?” The memory seemed so vague. “Donnie was portalled in… when I woke up.” 
“Ah.” Leo nodded, thoughtfully, before sending a smarmy look at Donnie. “Now where were you at, hm?” 
Donnie bristled. 
Leo pulled his expression slightly, but waited with a cocked ridge of his mask. 
Donnie let a canine peek as he turned an acidic expression to you. “I have… scheduled meal breaks.” 
Leo wiped a hand over the lower half of his face, no doubt covering a smile. 
“A bargain to make you eat…?” You looked over Donnie with knowing affection. 
For a split second you saw a swipe of guilt flash over your boyfriend’s face before he settled to a neutral expression. “My choice. An accepted one around. The only agreement was travel.” 
“My moment of freedom tainted!” Leo held up a dramatic hand. “Basically, the jam jackass will only go to the cafeteria if I portal him there.” Leo shook his head free of his hand to show his disdain. “Mike or Raph take it from there, but still.” 
“My retribution and instantaneous returns.” Donnie sent a lowered lidful of affection toward you. 
“I’m not a damn taxi.” Leo grumbled. 
You took them both in before you exaggerated a pout. 
You then sank deep into your pillow though it made your body ache.
Donnie switched to worry and touched your arm anxiously.
“Leo.”
Donnie twitched with faint annoyance over you ignoring him.
You held out your hand to soothe him.
“Hm?” Leo leaned back, folding his arms.
Donnie took your hand and sulked.
“I get your stupid banter comment now.”
For a beat nothing happened.
Then Leo popped a single snicker before he burst out laughing.
You clucked along with him until the bubbles of comedy clung and irritated your liver.
Donnie pressed your arm to urge you to stop.
You tossed him a smile.
Leo came away, wiping his eye. “Oh man, I’ve lost my mind… That was good. What a call back…!”
“I’m mad I didn’t see you two get close.” You pursed your lips. 
“We aren’t.”
“We aren’t.”
There was a certain amount of horror passed between them which Donnie dispelled with a puckered focus on his face.
“Knock it off, bozo!” Leo’s lip curled.
“What are you doing…?” You touched Donnie.
“Trying...” Donnie’s eyes narrowed, willing something with all his might. “… to shoot him between the eyes.”
“You can’t do it on purpose yet and hopefully ever.” Leo sneered.
“If you keep that up he will.” You stared at him dully.
“Pfft.” Leo blew a raspberry. “I’ll just do a little abracadabra and poof, it’s disappeared right before your eyes.” He did a flourish with his hands.
“Hypno would be insulted.” You tilted your head away from the poser.
“Hypno’s a hack!” Leo threw up a hand. “I’ve studied the greats!”
“Since when do you-?” You reared your head. “No… I’m… I’m too injured for this.”
Donnie puffed with a single bubble of laughter and then painted a stoic face as if nothing happened.
“We’re literally right here. This room is dead silent.” Leo shook his head.
“Donnie…” You chewed your lip.
Donnie turned his beak up.
“Seven straight days of this.” Leo threw a hand out to Donnie.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to say!” You tapped your sheet. “I missed it! Donnie, pull up the recordings!”
Donnie’s hackles went up.
Leo put extra shine on a snarky smile.
“You…” You looked between the pair before settling on Leo in awe. “How the hell did you get him to agree to not tape this?”
“You’re on the line. You’re literally the best bargaining chip anyone could ask for!” Leo turned a smile on you that was eerily similar to Donnie’s malevolent one.
They’d spent too much time together.
“Weak spot…” You whispered in spite of yourself.
“Come again?” Leo held up a hand to his tympanum.
“Nothing.” You crooned.
Leo cocked his brow through his mask.
“You have to fill me in on everything.” You demanded from both of them.
Leo opened his mouth with a retort, but a nurse appeared in the doorway with a tapping foot. “Ahem.”
“Maria! If it isn’t the most lovely night nurse this side of Queens!” Leo spun to her in a flourish and seemed to almost manifest sparkles.
She seemed largely unbothered, but you caught the slightest ghosting of pink to her cheeks from the fluorescence in the hall.
“Give ‘em a break. The lovebirds are making up for lost time…” Leo cooed.
She huffed loudly and renewed the fold of her arms. “They and everyone else in the corridor also need sleep.”
“Done.” Donnie spoke.
Leo polished his grin.
She glared openly at Donnie before sending Leo a pointed look. “I’ll check back in fifteen.”
“I’ll be waiting.” Leo gave a little amorous growl and you gagged to Donnie.
His lip wrinkled with a smile that he buried as soon as Leo walked back over.
“Think that’s a pretty good demonstration of how this arrangements been going.” Leo tossed a thumb back to where he’d come from and reverted to what you assumed was his neutral setting.
Donnie stood and fluffed your pillow.
You looked him over affectionately and felt that ever present exhaustion tug at you again.
It was there. 
It had been there. 
Speaking of it felt like a command and now it threatened to engulf you. 
You hated the helpless feeling of it all. 
“Just like that.” Leo hummed, cocky.
“Shut up.” You grumbled.
“Finally, someone else can tell him.” Donnie took his seat and assumed what must have been his usual waiting posture.
“Ugh, almost forgot you let him ruin your morality.” Leo made a big show of rolling his eyes.
You had more complaints, but your lids were heavy.
“Get some rest.” Leo blessedly dropped the complaint and took a seat in a far chair.
“We��ll get you home soon.” Donnie took your hand and pressed a careful kiss to it. You made a little sweet sound for him, but your vision of him skewed as you dozed off.
💜NEXT💜
Through every crazy little idea I have, my darling betas are right there with me and I could be more honored to know @tmntxthings and @thepinkpanther83
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steddieas-shegoes · 11 months
Note
Could you do something like Eddie needing to go to hospital for some minor injury or illness and Steve just having a complete trauma response of oh god last time he was in hospital he nearly died (and wayne being the one to reassure him bc we love uncle wayne in this household)
I must live in the same household as you because I include Wayne in things just to have him be supportive even when it doesn’t make sense to the story 😎
“It’s just a quick trip.”
Wayne was trying to reassure Steve. Trying being the key word.
Eddie was asleep, as he had been for most of the last three days.
His fever was getting higher instead of lower and he hadn’t been able to keep any food down for more than two of the last three days.
His water intake had gone nonexistent, too.
He was pale and sweaty, but visibly shivering anytime Steve looked at him.
It was probably just a really bad flu, but it didn’t help that he’d only been out of the hospital for four months and was still technically recovering from bat bites and nearly bleeding out.
“But what if it’s not?”
Wayne looked at him sadly.
“Son, he just needs some fluids and maybe some better meds than I can get at the drug store without a prescription. He’ll be feeling a bit better within a few hours if we take him.”
“But-“
“Steve. I promise I won’t let nothin’ happen to our boy, okay?”
Steve felt his heart clench at the words.
Sometimes he forgot that Wayne almost lost his only family, his son in all ways but genetics.
“Okay. Let’s go.”
“Think you can carry him to the truck?”
“Yeah.”
Eddie woke up twice on the way, trying his best to give Steve a smile, but failing miserably.
When they brought him back to get an IV started, Wayne went with him, but Steve had to wait in the waiting room.
Wayne kept checking in, though, letting him know every 30 minutes how things were going.
He was grateful that Eddie had someone like him.
He was grateful he had someone like him.
Four hours later, Wayne was walking out the double doors with Eddie, who was able to stand, but not support himself.
An improvement is still an improvement, though.
“Eds, feeling a little better?”
“Feel like a million bucks. No need to worry.”
Which is what he said when he woke up after his week-long coma.
Steve burst into tears and Wayne gently smacked Eddie on the head.
“You’re a dumbass.”
“What?!”
“Let’s get you home before Steve ends up havin’ a breakdown in the waiting room.”
Luckily, they made it home before Steve really did break completely down.
But at least this time Eddie was awake and holding his hand, talking to him like nothing was wrong.
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somanyratsinthewalls · 4 months
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Burning Hearts Chapter 2
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Pairing: Law x Straw Hat Zoan Type (named) FemOC 
Word Count: 2500
Summary: You were teleported across the globe in an instant, away from your crew. Your body was badly broken and beaten, thrust into the harsh landscape of a Northern island. You are discovered by the Heart Pirates and brought back to health. Startled upon waking up in a foreign place with an unfamiliar crew, you are shocked with the news that you’ll be spending two years there. Trafalgar Law, the captain of the Heart Pirates has made a promise to train you, but will it become something more than a mentor relationship?
Chapter 1 - Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6
Burning Hearts Chapter 2: The 2 Year Sentence
— — 
“So would you rather eat 200 spiders… or spend a week in Impel Down?” Shachi asks his cohort from a desk chair as he flips through a News Coo. 
“Spiders for sure. I’m not built for prison.” Penguin responds as he lazily tosses a tennis ball against the cold, steel walls of the surgical bay. 
It had been 4 days of keeping the new mysterious patient sedated while her body healed from its grievous injuries. Shachi and Penguin took shifts watching over her during the night and double teamed the job during the day, all while administering the necessary sedative drugs. The boys were the only two crew members occupying the safe house while the rest of the Heart Pirates accompanied their Captain to the crisis at Marine Ford. 
Shachi sips from a can of cola and flips the page. Several minutes of silence go by, the only sounds to be heard were the slow rhythmic beeping from the winged girl’s heart rate monitor and the sharp thumping of Penguin’s tennis ball against the wall. 
“Would you rather have crayons for teeth or live shrimp for nipples?” Shachi asks, desperate to fill the hours with some sort of entertainment. Penguin holds onto the tennis ball and thinks for a minute. 
“Could they be white crayons?” Penguin follows up. 
“Sure. But they’d still melt if you ate hot foods.” Shachi flips another page. 
“I’d still pick the crayons. I think you’d be able to see the shrimp through my jumpsuit…” Penguin looks down to his chest. “Ok my turn.” Penguin sits up straighter and turns towards Shachi. 
“Fuck, Marry, Kill… pancakes, waffles, French toast.”
Shachi looks up from his News Coo finally, his eyebrows knitted together. 
“Dude that doesn’t even make any sense, how am I supposed to-“ 
*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*
“Wait why is its heart rate increasing…?!” Penguin sits up on the heels of his hands and looks at the monitor. 
Shachi puts down the News Coo and rises from the chair. He approaches the monitor. “It shouldn’t be… we just injected her 30 minutes ago…” Shachi checks the IV line to make sure it was still clear and functional. It was. Shachi’s heart dropped into his stomach. The patient was waking up despite the heavy dose of sedatives. The patient who had broken a cabinet and two steel medical carts the last time she decided to-
*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP*
“Oh shit oh fuck oh shit oh fuck-“ Penguin’s eyes widen as he panics, standing up. 
“Calm down.. Don’t freak… the Captain put her in sea prism shackles this time… she can’t break them…” Shachi tries to calm his crewmate. Penguin would have maybe believed him if he didn’t notice Shachi’s obvious shaking and heavy breathing. 
The woman’s eyes flutter open.
“Whhdsshhshhh hnnnn..?” Garbled nonsense slipped from the woman’s lips. Her eyes were fully open, but they struggled to find something to focus on. “Whrr mmeye? Why cnteye moovvvv?” The words come out in drunk, mushy syllables. 
The woman, Daisy, as the Captain had insisted they call her, was weakly pulling at her restraints but failing miserably. Unlike her impressive showing before, the sea prism stone had sapped all of her energy. Upon realizing they still had control of the situation, Penguin and Shachi move to flank the body on the operating table. They stare down at the woman’s wide, panicked eyes, unable to find a target to look at fully. One eye was brown and one was grey. The way the eyes frantically searched for something made them seem like two different people were occupying this body.
Shachi and Penguin looked back up at each other before looking down at the confused, bound woman. 
“Um. Hi. So, this is probably really weird for you but-“ Shachi nervously starts. 
“Nnrfffffhh? Lufffnnuyy? EWrhrrhrwrrss louuuffyy?” 
“I have no idea what you’re saying. The sea prism stone around your wrist is probably melting your brain right now. I’d love to take it off but you tried to kill us last time we did that, and the Captain has specific orders.” Shachi explains the situation to the disoriented patient. “And until he gets back we have to keep you out, little bat.” 
Shachi sidles over to the steel medical cart and retrieves one of the emergency sedative syringes. 
*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* 
“Mmmpph!! Nhhh!! Lsssttnn luffnnn!! Kzzrroo hrrrmppp!!” The girl huffs out as her head lolls to the side, body completely limp due to the sea prism. It was clear to both men that she was trying to resist. 
“Shach maybe we should hear her out.. I don’t know if we shoul-“ Penguin moves around to the other side of the operating table to stand beside Shachi. 
Shachi readies the emergency syringe. 
“Since when are you a vampire sympathizer? You were calling her an “it” five minutes ago, I don’t want to hear the savior act now.” 
Penguin sighs at Shachi’s response. He backs off. 
“NNPNNHH!! WATTPHHH!!” Daisy groans out as Shachi delivers over 100 cc’s of sedative right into the her exposed thigh. 
“Lufffy!! Hrrlllp...” The woman’s eyes roll back in her head and her body becomes limp against the operating table once again. 
— — — 
*We’re too weak! Run away!* 
“Shit…” 
You were awoken from your nightmare by a violent heaving in your throat. 
“Oof-“ 
You push yourself up as far as you can go before turning yourself to the side and letting go of the tension. Your stomach contents are heaved forward into the conveniently places trash receptacle on the side of the surgery table you were strapped to. Your body lurches against the restraints involuntarily. After a painful few moments of heaving, you feel the shackles on your arms and legs release.
You didn’t care how it happened, you were just happy that you could fully hold yourself over the trash can to vomit. 
After the wave of nausea passes, you slump down on the cold, metal floor and try to catch your breath. You allow your eyes to close as you relish in the feeling of being unrestrained. 
“Rito Daisy…” A deep, booming voice comes from the darkest corner of the now dimly lit operating room. 
Your eyes snap open. You wipe your mouth. Your head whips towards the sound. 
“I’m not going to hurt you. I’m-“ 
“That ‘Surgeon of Death’ guy. From that shit at the auction house. I know who you are.” You state in between labored breaths, finally regaining your mental clarity. You back yourself up against the wall of the surgical suite, putting the metal barf bucket in front of you. 
Law steps out of the shadow and stands before you. 
“Then you know I don’t take the news of an enemy showing up in my camp lightly.” Law sets his large sword down against the medical cabinet. You notice that someone has repaired it since you had destroyed it with your wings during your last attempt to break out.  
Your wings. 
You realized now you were in your full human form. What good could your wings do here? Always able to carry you away from any problem… but not now… you were trapped… again… 
“Miss Rito my name is Trafalgar Law and you crashed into our base camp several days ago. Your body was badly damaged. I sewed your…” Law swallows.  “…appendages… back together. Your bones have still not yet completely healed, which is why I’ve had you sedated.” Law explains methodically as he sits down in the desk chair. 
You couldn’t escape. This asshole was so confident in his ability to best you that he was lounging in his office chair while you were completely unrestrained. You weren’t an idiot, you knew that you were at the mercy of this strange man. You had no idea where your blades were anyway. Probably lost in that avalanche. Shit
“Where’s my Captain?” You asked blankly. 
There was a long pause. 
“He is alive.” Law eventually states. 
You stare at each other. 
After a few moments, Law pulls a News Coo from his jeans pocket and tosses across the floor of the surgical suite at you. 
You refuse to break eye contact with Law, still suspicious of his intention. You pick up the News Coo and open it in your lap. 
“I’m not going to hurt you, Rito Daisy.” Law cocks his head at you, prompting you to begin reading the article. 
You keep your gaze on on the ice grey eyes of Trafalgar Law. This tense stare lasted for a few moments before you decide you had no choice but to peruse the article. 
The air in the med bay became so thick you could eat it by the spoonful. 
“Ace is dead… Two years… Become stronger…” You sigh and gaze absently at the newspaper. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?” You close the newspaper and look up at your captor. 
“You’ll stay with me. I will train you.” Law meets your gaze. 
You furrow your brows. 
You burst out laughing. 
“HAH! Yeah I don’t think so.”  
“Your captain ordered that you stay here.” 
You were in shock. There was no way Luffy would ask you to spend any amount of time let alone 2 years with an enemy pirate captain. You must have heard him incorrectly. There must be some mistake. 
“… What?” You look up into Law’s frigid, grey eyes. 
“I saved your captain’s life after the battle at Marine Ford. Once he regained clarity, I told him my crew mates had found one of his. He made me promise to not allow you to try and find him or the rest of your crew. I promised him that I would train you and give you access to the strength that will prepare you for the New World.” Law explains. 
Your eyes widened further. 
“You can either stay to train,” Law reaches an arm towards you to help you off the ground. “Or you can go against your Captain’s orders.” Law raises an eyebrow. 
There was a long pause. If this was truly what Luffy wanted, you didn’t have much of a choice. Without breaking his gaze, you clasp your hand around Law’s elbow and allow him to pull you up. 
“We are not allies. We are not friends. I am here at the orders of my captain.” You state as you rise to your feet. 
“Understood, Miss Rito. It may help you to know that I'm not pleased with the situation either. I’ll show you to your room.” 
— — —
You walked through the unfriendly, unfamiliar metal halls of the Heart Pirate’s base with your new mentor leading you. After several minutes of silence, Law arrives at a steel door and opens it. Inside the room was a small closet, single bed, desk, and half bookshelf. There was a small window behind the bed. The bed had two white pillows and a grey quilt. Not only did this place feel like a prison, it really looked like one too. You grimaced as you looked over the sterile environment before noticing something laying on the bed. It was your bag and blades. 
“My stuff!” 
You pushed past Law who was still in the doorway, bumping him into the frame in the process. He straightened himself and watched you rip open your tattered, filthy backpack and empty it out onto the bed. You sift through the contents to make sure everything was still inside. 
You brush your hands over each item. Hope flutters in your heart at the sight of familiar things. Your sword sharpening stone, your botanists notebook and pens, a spare set of clothes, a pink hairbrush and hair elastics, and an empty glass container that had been previously been filled with banana pudding. Sanji always made sure to slip your favorite treat in your bag before leaving the ship for the day. You smiled remembering how lush it tasted, feeling glad that you had eaten it on Sabaody so it didn’t go to waste. 
You come across a crumpled paper. You flattened it out to reveal a photograph of You, Nami, Robin and Chopper. Nami was pinching Chopper’s fluffy little cheek, the blush evident on his face. You and Robin were arm in arm and laughing. A third hand was behind your head making little bunny ears. You all looked so happy. Your smile faded. Were they okay? And everyone else? There was no way of knowing… 
Tears started welling in your eyes so you put the photo down. 
“Wait where’s my-“ You realize that your personal bag of herbs was missing. 
“This?” 
You turn around to face Law. He was holding a small, red woolen satchel in his hand that you knew contained your stash along with some paper and a butane lighter. The drawstring bag dangled from his tattooed fist. 
E, A, T, H. 
“That belongs to me, give it back.” 
“I do not tolerate illegal drug use in my base. I’m disposing of it.” Law shoves the bag back into his jeans pocket. 
“I’ll smoke outside then, shit. Just hand it over. Also, illegal drug use? We’re pirates… isn’t everything we do technically illegal?” 
Law ignores you and turns to leave the room. You were irritated by his refusal to answer you and refusal to return your bag. You grab one of your twin blades that were resting against the bed frame. As you unsheathe the blade, a shooting unbearable pain throbs in your shoulder causing you to drop your weapon onto the floor, the metal hitting metal making a loud clatter. 
“Fuck!” You cry out and grab your arm, head beginning to spin from the pain. 
“Your body is still healing. You’re in no shape for a fight. Training begins when you’ve recovered.” Law heads out of your room without closing the door and is already halfway down the hall. “Bathroom is down the hall. Dinner’s at 7.” 
You hear his footsteps fade away as he disappears deeper into the base. You were alone. You look around the bare bedroom and reality sets in. You were going to have to be here for 2 years… 
You flop down face first onto the bed and begin to cry. 
xx
Authors note- thank you to anyone who is reading this self indulgent series. Sorry if it’s weird, gotta set up the story before we get to all the smoochin. Are you guys into this? It’s my first real series so I’d love feedback. Love y’all :)
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spiderfunkz · 1 year
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hii! i was wondering if you could write something about robin buckley choosing reader to go to europe with her for the summer! (maybe a rebel robin au??) ive never seen anyone write anything about it and id think id be cute!
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✧.* operation crossaint!
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— summary : summer in hawkins is boring. so, how about a trip to europe?
— pairings : robin buckley x fem!reader
— word count : 0,9k
— warnings : fluff, friends to lovers, oblivious reader kinda, messy plot whoops, foul language, kissing mwah mwah, weird time jumps, not proofread, this is set in the summer btw!! robin & reader is 18 here.
a/n : hi there! thank u for the request anon ^_^ i tried fitting some aspects and references from rebel robin because i couldn't really fit in the whole au and storyline of rebel robin because i don't think it'll fit that well, so sorry about that!!
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"operation crossaint?" you question as robin nodded. "just hear me out. i want to live outside of hawkins y/n. i want to know whats outside of this shitty town," she explains.
"it's sounds weird i know but, i want to learn and experience things." she continues.
"so like europe?" you ask, "yes! exactly like europe. i want to travel, meet people who live exactly how they want to, i want to see beautiful museums, and walk down old streets!" she rambles.
you nodded listening to everything she says. "and live off of crossaints and cheese?" you laugh — "mhm!" she nodded.
"i told mr hauser about it and, he told me to take someone with me, and he suggested milton or dash but i was thinking-" she paused, "that maybe you could go with me?" she asks, scrunching her nose.
"or don't, i understand that maybe you have something going on or maybe you focusing on othe-"
"i'll go with you." you stated. "but we literally have 0 dollars and, have you asked your parents?" you ask.
"we can work on that! mr hauser said that he could help talk to my parents which automatically means that he could talk to yours so-" she rambles, "all he said is that if i find someone to take with he could help me. and you said yes."
"yeah well of course, i mean spending any time at all with you and in europe? that sounds like an absolute dream." you smiled.
robin's cheeks grew pink as you stated that. europe? with you? together? is she dreaming right now?
"i'll go work things out, i'll see you tomorrow y/n." she waved.
you were so caught up with the conversation you don't realize you were outside your house now as robin skipped away.
robin could barely sleep that night, was she really going to spend her time in europe with you?
god, she was so excited to tell mr hauser all about it. she had already started learning languages she thought might be important for the trip, like french or their culture and stuff.
she is so excited to spend time with you, especially outside of hawkins. the walks you could go with her, the food you get to taste together, the memories she could make.
"jesus, get yourself together buckley." robin sighed, her thoughts haunting her as she slowly falls asleep.
you sat down the bus, going home from another miserable day at hawkins high. flipping through the pages of your book, you see robin hoping on, almost missing the bus.
she ignores the taunts of some of the older kids before spotting you and sitting next to you.
"dunno whats their problem," you look back at the older teens mocking robin — "their probably failing another year anyways." you stated, voice a bit louder. "i hope they fall off of the bus." she sighed.
it's been a few weeks since robin told you about 'operation crossaint' and you two just got back from thanksgiving break.
"so, how was your break?" you ask. "amazing actually, i got a job, and i think i can finally afford tickets for two people to go to europe!" she smiles.
"really? that's great! i saved up a bit and i think we can manage. plus, you know extra money for gifts and stuff." you added.
robin was so beyond excited that you stuck by her, the last few weeks everything had been going the total opposite for her, yet you were still there for her in every moment.
"i also bought a camera recently, and we could bring that to our trip. you know? for memories and stuff, so they last forever." you say as robin nodded, smiling wider than ever.
and here you are now!
the past weeks is the probably the best few weeks ever. europe, with robin, together.
you two finally get to experience the europe dream, going to museums, eating in fancy cafes, going on trips on a boat, and just living a life outside of hawkins.
you've been carrying your camera around everywhere, documenting your summer with your person.
and for robin, the past few weeks was somewhat of an awakening for her. she finally could understand herself with the help from you and everything around her.
she now understands why she's been feeling a certain way around certain people, especially you. like butterflies fluttering in her stomach, and how her heart feels like its going to explode.
and that brings you here, on a random hill surrounded by pretty flowers and bright stars above.
"heres one where we were at the fair, the ferris wheel looked so pretty here." you showed robin the pictures you've been taking along the trip.
"oh! and these are some cats near by the water, remember? the ones i told you. gosh, they're just so cute." you smile.
you didn't notice how quiet robin was, you could feel her smile but she hasn't said anything.
you look up and notice that she wasn't looking at your camera like you had been doing. she was looking at you.
"what? do i have something on my face?" you questioned.
in robin's defense, you're really pretty. cherry stained lips, gorgeous hair that just falls in place so perfectly, and the prettiest eyes.
"it's not nice to stare buckley." you chuckle, "you're too pretty not too." she replied.
the tension grew as the moon shined, perfectly reflecting robin's freckles.
she moved closer to you, the smell of your perfume overwhelming her.
she kissed you.
you kissed her.
robin pulled away, realizing what she just did, what you just did. your cherry stained lips now staining her.
"i'm sorry i should've-" robin got cut off, your lips connected to hers again. "don't apologize robs." you say, tucking her hair.
"i like you, like, like like you." robin stated — "i like like you too." you replied.
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sleepy-vix · 2 months
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journal/braindump 26/3/24
i hope life gets better soon. school is so miserable and weird and i just constantly feel like my physical shape is blurred and i'm but a a faceless entity drifting through the crowded and sweaty halls. when i speak to people it feels like i have to physically force myself to and i'm always so conscious of the fact that i would really love it if i were alone and not speaking to anybody at all.
i don't feel confident in myself and i feel like this year has passed by way too fast and i feel like just attempting to live feels like a bunch of cold sand is piled in my hands, and like sand does, it slips easily through my fingers and all i can do is watch. i feel so stupid and so naive all the damn time
for a while i had believed that everything would be okay, and then for a while after that i believed that i should kill myself. i'm okay now, i still feel very unsettled and it's like i'm not really me but i feel fine enough to function and i feel fine enough to live and wish to keep on living
i wish to keep on living
tomorrow i will wake up early and i will make myself coffee and i will sit down and read (i've had reading block for 2 days- which seems short but its annoying for me bc i really really want to read but i feel too restless and distracted to). i'll try to be nice to myself and protect my peace really hard and go on walks or something
i find that watching youtube videos where people just sit and talk, or rearrange their house and books, is really calming to me. i can't wait to just sit in front of the tv with a cup of matcha and a box of chocolates and just watching people talk, or watch all the movies ive been meaning to watch for sooo long
autumn is rolling around, and i'm infinitely greatful that it is because i always feel so inspired during this season. autumn makes me want to read, it makes me want to watch more films and eat more food and drink warm drinks that make me feel okay inside.
i also hope to pick up journalling again, but i'm not sure if i will because i don't have my own printer for images and idk what to journal but i have recently tried to just draw pictures- ive recently written journal pages on what i want to read, and also an "about me" page, and hand drew pictures. it's nice, but it doesn't give the same effect as full out journalling (with stickers, images, tape, etc... sigh.). i hope i journal more this holiday nonetheless.
i also hope to read without feeling so much pressure. i usually have no problem with reading whatever i want to read, as i like to think of myself as somebody who isnt easily influenced by other people's views (eg. if someone told me i have to read a certain book, i will consider it but i wont read it unless i want to) , but lately i've been thinking of all the books i want to read this holiday (for me i have autumn break in one week- and autumn break lasts for 2 weeks) and as u can imagine, it is very stressful bc ive somehow fallen into the mindset that i must read ALL of those books before next term or else.
fyi the books comprise of
- the complete collection of jane austen
- the complete collection of sherlock holmes
- the poppy war
- the iliad
- hamlet
- the metamorphosis
soo yeah... especially the first two points are stressing me out haha... im starting the poppy war now but im a little nervous bc ppl keep saying that its VERY gory??? and i usually dont care abt such things but lately my nerves and emotions have been such a wreck that i dont trust myself to read it in a calm manner
i'll try to break free of this toxic reader mindset tho! it would be nice if i could talk to people abt books, so it feels like im engaging with my hobby while not actually having to do the hobby, but nobody ik irl will want to talk abt books as i do
MAN i so badly want to rant abt booktok (ok actually i wont expand on this bc its a very sore point for me in the sense that i might get worked up over it and then feel shit afterwards for displaying sm emotion)
anywaysss next topic
ummm i get my maths result back on thursday and im so fucking scared bc i know i messed up bad for a few questions but im not sure if it was enough to drop me down to a b... idk i REALLY REALLY WANT AN A. like istg my whole self esteem for until the next exams roll around is goijg to be based off my maths result.. fuck im so emotionally immature its laughable
ummm also i have literature class tmr and i love lit class but we have to watch fucking "shes the man" and im sorry but i hate that movie so so much (ive never watched it before but we watched half of it last lesson and it was soo annoying). ughh why is my eng teacher making us watch this 😭😭
also my eng teacher is very blunt and therefore very interesting to talk to so ive been wanting to ask him abt books hes read lately but i CANT bc we have to watch thats tupid fucking movie and also he has to mark papers :( but also like hes the only intellectually stimulating person ik irl so what am i meant to do with all of my buzzing book thoughts ughh (rhetorical question. pls dont answer) :(
hmm what else is there to say
oh yeah last night i had a dream tjat i got a B+ for english and that was... it was like a nightmare im not even kidding. it was such a vivid dream too- everybody else got an A meanwhile i got a B+ (very close to an A) and i was just absolutely shocked and i desperately begged my teacher to give me some extra credit work so i can bump it up to an A-... yeah...
oh but also back to me wanting to have a better life- i think i'll take myself to the thrift more and go out with my friend (yes, singular. theres only one friend that i like hanging out with outside of school 💀) atleast once this holiday... thats what teen girls my age do, right??? haha...
also i want to watch ladybird and the perks of being a wallflower and rewatch little women and dead poets society !
i also might reread solitaire but aghh that makes me stressed out abt reading again... fuck. maybe i should just take a break from reading omfg
i cant wait to wake up early tomorrow and drink coffee though! :)
also i will make more spotify playlists (it makes me rlly happy to) and MAYBE even try cooking????????????? man idfk im desperate okay? feeling suicidal is not fun and i dont want to feel like that again this year. i cant afford thay bc im meant to be an academic weapon :( (lol who am i kidding? im more like an academic victim)
also maybe i will just text my friends more in general. it stresses me out and makes me feel icky but the other day, i had a nice and fun and lighthearted texting convo with one of my class friends and it made me realise that i should probably text people more ...
lol
anyways i think thats all? i think ive gotten everything off my chest for now. i liked doing this actually. maybe i'll do it more often idk 💀💀
hope u guys have a good day 🙏 i dont actually expect anyone to read this but if you did, i hope you have a good day TIMES TWO!
no refunds :}
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minastras · 11 months
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iv. if i give my heart to you
prev • masterlist • next
words: 4.8k
warnings: swearing, underage drinking
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The second you reached home you rushed to your room and shut the door, letting out a quiet, choked sob. You allotted twenty minutes for being miserable away from prying eyes, sitting on the floor with your back to the door and your head in your hands.
You’d read a Richard Siken quote a while back about sliding down a wall crying but only being able to focus on the wall in front of you and how you didn’t paint it all that well. That was you now, as you stared and stared and realised one of your power outlets was crooked. There was something so pathetically sad about hiding your tears when there was no one around to see you cry.
The next day, you told your friends you and Kai broke up. You didn’t give them any more details than that, lest your two stories contradicted each other again.
Aeri and Yizhuo tried their best to comfort you (and you appreciated it) but they couldn’t, not really. Not unless they knew the real reason you were upset. Kai hadn’t “broken your heart”; you’d gotten invested in something knowing it was fake. You were drowning in quicksand you’d willingly jumped into, and you had no one to blame but yourself.
Over the next week you and Kai stayed out of each other’s way. His friends gave you such pity-filled glances whenever you crossed paths that you felt compelled to tell them you were fine each time. Obviously, that was a big fat lie.
Daeseong and Daehyun asked about Kai only once, because the second they mentioned his name you’d burst into tears. They both got so scared they started crying too. You had never cried in front of them in your life.
“I’m cancelling my party next week,” Aeri told you after class. “Yizhuo and I’ll come over and we can hang out.”
“You don’t have to do that,” you shook your head. “Have the party. I know you’ve been excited about it for ages.” She’d recently gotten a pool table and wanted to show it off. You weren’t going to deny her that chance, especially not to just make her join your daily moping sessions.
“Fine, but you don’t have to come,” she acquiesced. She knew you well enough to know you hated pity, and that when you said things you meant them.
“No, I’ll go. It’ll help me take my mind off things,” you said, smiling and poking her cheek. “Anyway, I need to be there to keep you and Yizhuo in check.”
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Empty bleachers haunted Kai at every practice, but he still looked forward to training. It helped to keep his mind off of you. For a while at least.
After he ended his fake relationship with you, there had been no teasing, ribbing, or I told you so remarks from any of his friends. Not even Beomgyu. How visibly torn up must Kai have been to elicit such unbridled sympathy? He hated thinking about it, the fact that other people knew the strength of his emotions.
Practice ended, and once again a dull ache crept its way back into his heart and settled in, making itself at home as it had for the last week.
Soobin cleared his throat and pointed over Kai’s shoulder. “Someone’s here for you,” he said.
His heart started racing. It was you. You were here to give him another chance to apologise. But then he turned around and saw your friend Yizhuo, standing at the bottom of the bleachers with her arms crossed, staring daggers right at him. He excused himself from the group and made his way over to her.
“Hi, Yi-”
She held up a hand, not in the mood for pleasantries. “I’m not here to be a messenger between you and Y/N. I’m also not here to beg you to take them back,” she started, narrowing her eyes. “They didn’t send me here, but you probably already knew that.”
He did; you weren’t the sort of person to pull such stunts. That’s what really hurt, that you didn’t want to talk to him at all.
“I don’t know what happened between you two, and frankly I don’t care. But I do know that you left them with the impression you don’t care about them,” she continued. You thought he didn’t care about you?
“Whether you guys get back together is none of my business. I just hope you’ll show them they mattered to you and give them closure instead of running away,” she said, before pivoting on her heel and leaving.
Kai sat at his desk that night, unmoving, as if the right path of action would come to him if he stared at his wall collage for long enough. Even Yizhuo knew he was a child, incapable of having important conversations, incapable of real relationships.
He pulled the polaroid of you and him after his championship game off the wall — the one you’d asked for but he refused to give up. He could still remember the feeling of your hands on his face when you kissed him, your palms cool in comparison to his skin flushed from the exertion of the game.
His friends teased him relentlessly over this photo and the way he stared at you in it, saying he was happier at the kiss than their championship win.
He set the picture down on his desk and reached for his phone. He had something he needed to say.
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Did you regret attending Aeri’s party? Maybe. But you couldn’t back out now, and you didn’t want her to worry about you.
While Aeri shepherded the earliest guests down to the basement to see her new pool table and Yizhuo greeted people at the door, you were in the kitchen making a gigantic bowl of your signature sparkling strawberry vodka punch.
It gave you something to do, at least, that didn’t necessitate being out in the living room where the rest of the party was. Talking to one or two people when they popped into the kitchen for a drink was a hell of a lot easier than doing that.
There was no way Kai would turn up, you kept telling yourself, trying to be normal.
You repeated that again when you finally left the kitchen and saw Yeonjun and Soobin walk through the front door.
And again when you were talking to Jongseong in the backyard and spotted Beomgyu and Taehyun walking up the driveway.
Jongseong was trying to assess you — to figure out if he could flirt with you or if you were still upset about Kai — and in the back of your mind you knew that. You answered that question for him when you locked eyes with Kai through the open back patio door. He looked away, a see-through cup of your punch in his hand.
Jongseong turned around as your mask of friendly bubbliness slipped off in an instant and shattered all over the grass beneath your feet.
“Yeah, I figured you’d still be hung up on him,” Jongseong said, sounding mildly disappointed. How long had Kai been watching you? When did he even get here?
“Mm, I guess so,” you shrugged, pushing your entertainer smile back onto your face. But you weren’t fooling anyone, not anymore.
“It’s fine, Y/N. I get it,” Jongseong chuckled, taking a step back to indicate he wasn’t going to pursue you further. “Now’s a bad time. I hope things work out, whether you guys get back together or not.”
You relaxed considerably, scrambling for the shards of your mask as you tried to smile back. “Thanks, Jongseong. I’ll be in the house if you need me,” you said, excusing yourself.
When you returned to the living room Kai was nowhere to be found. You headed straight for the stairs and up to the guest room, leaving the door unlocked behind you as you entered.
If there was anything you were jealous of in Aeri and Yizhuo’s houses, it was the balconies. What you would give to have one of your own. From up here, the sounds of the party seemed so far away. The night Kai had asked you to fake date him on this very balcony, exactly one hundred days ago, seemed equally distant.
It was a cold night, but not unbearably so as long as the air was still. The sky was clear but too polluted for visible stars. You propped your feet up against the edge of the balcony and leaned over the railing, looking up at the deep indigo anyway.
“Don’t do that. It’s dangerous,” came a familiar voice. You stepped back down and turned around, watching Kai shut the door behind him.
You closed your eyes tightly and turned away, back to the view from the balcony, and held your breath.
“You left the door unlocked for me, right? You were hoping I’d follow you, right?” he asked, sounding almost desperate for his assumptions to be true.
And they were. You told him as much when you sighed softly and once again turned around to face him.
He was wearing his student athlete jacket that you loved, a black and gold varsity-style jacket with ‘Kai’ embroidered in small gold letters on the front. You borrowed it sometimes, because it was soft, warm, and smelt like him. Selfishly, you wondered if he wore it hoping to run into you.
“Kai-”
“I’m sorry. Please, hear me out.”
It was too cold to be out on the balcony. You walked back inside, closed the sliding door behind you, and sat down on the end of the neatly made bed. He sat down beside you, hands fidgeting nervously in his lap.
If someone had asked you what you were anticipating from this conversation, you wouldn’t have been able to give them an answer to save your life. No, your head was filled only with him — how sad his eyes looked and how much you wanted to hug him. There was no room in your mind for speculation.
“The other day when I told you I wanted to end things, I was lying,” Kai began, pausing after every other word, choosing them carefully. He wasn’t looking at you while he spoke, his eyes locked low on the wall in front of him. On a power outlet.
“I actually wrote a whole thing out on my phone — that’s what I was looking at — but I didn’t read it out because I was being a coward,” he continued. “Can I read it to you now?”
There was a block in your vocal cords preventing you from speaking. All you could do was nod and watch him pull out his phone. He turned to face you, and each time he glanced up from his phone at you while he read, his eyes seemed to get shinier.
“You were right, it was real. All of it. I avoided thinking about us until you brought it up because I’m immature, I’m childish, and I don’t like thinking about the serious stuff. What people say about me is true, and I was terrified by how much I like you. I chose to act as if everything was fine, and that wasn’t fair to you.
“I’m sorry I hurt you, and that I made you feel like you didn’t matter to me. That was the last thing I wanted to do, because you’re my favourite person. I like everything about you. You just get me, and I never have to pretend around you. I want to be your boyfriend, your actual boyfriend, and I promise I’ll grow up for you. If you’d have me.”
He cleared his throat awkwardly and pocketed his phone, fidgeting with his hair like he always did when he was nervous. You watched him, biting the inside of your cheek, the ambient noise of the party downstairs crackling in the background.
“I- I meant to say all that a long time ago,” he said, trying to hold eye contact with you but breaking it constantly. His hands rested uncomfortably on his knees, like he didn’t know what to do with them.
“Do you still mean it?” you asked. “All of it?”
“Yeah, I do,” he nodded, before sighing and pushing his hands through his hair again. “I just- you know me. I can’t commit to people. I’m the last of my friends to grow up.”
Huening Kai: the master of puppy love and nothing more. Or so people used to say. But there were other types of love aside from romance, and you’d always known he was capable of those. The guest bedroom was painfully quiet, enough so that you could hear him breathing.
“You keep saying that, but I don’t think it’s true,” you said.
“You’re right: it’s Beomgyu,” he agreed, giggling nervously. It had been too long since you last heard him laugh. You smiled at his cautious joke, which appeared to reassure him slightly.
“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I should’ve talked to you earlier,” you mumbled. Your initial outburst must have come out of nowhere for him. The embarrassment of your past actions hit you, delayed, but you pushed it aside and soldiered on. “Can- can we try this again? I don’t want to live with regrets.”
You had barely finished getting out your last word when Kai leaned forward and kissed your cheek, urgent yet hesitant, eager yet tentative. He was beaming as he reached for your hands and held them in his.
“Me neither.” There were sparkles in his eyes.
He kissed you again, pecking you on the mouth this time, and you leaned against him with a content sigh. You could stay like this forever, wrapped in his arms with a soft warmth in your chest you’d never felt before. You played with the gold ring on his pinky finger.
“Kai?” you whispered, closing your eyes.
“Yeah?”
Your voice was soft and hopeful. “This is real, right?”
He moved his free hand to the nape of your neck, gently turning it to tilt your head towards him so he could press his lips to your temple.
“It’s real. I’m all yours,” he promised, “for as long as you’re willing to put up with me.”
You buried your face into his jacket and laughed, breathing him in. His cologne was woody and faintly sweet. “Stop saying things like that,” you mumbled. “This week without you was the longest week of my life.”
He froze, but after a second he relaxed and pulled you closer.
“I told my friends the truth, by the way. They were the ones who knocked some sense into me,” he said. “Speaking of which, we should probably go downstairs.”
Shit. You needed to tell Aeri and Yizhuo.
“They probably all think I’m an idiot now,” you groaned.
He sat up and grinned cheekily. “Is what other people think important to you?”
You rolled your eyes and nudged him, but you didn’t let go of his hand even as you stood up and led him to the door. “Hah, very funny.”
“Hey, you’ve asked me so many difficult questions. I should get to ask you some, too,” he complained, shrugging off his jacket and draping it over your shoulders.
That indescribable soft warmth grew stronger. It reminded you of how your skin felt when you stepped out of a cold room and into the sunlight. You’d missed the feeling of having Kai’s hand in yours so much that it was almost overwhelming, delivering a rush to your head that made you dizzy.
“Well, then, to answer your question: no, it’s not,” you smiled, opening the door.
The party was still thumping along downstairs; with all the chaos going on you could hardly blame anyone for missing your absence. But the second you and Kai reached the halfway point of the staircase, Taehyun spotted you from the backyard through the kitchen door like some kind of superspy, breaking into a knowing smile immediately.
“What’s that like? Must be nice,” Kai joked, although the underlying element of truth was clear in the look in his eyes as he waved to Taehyun. You squeezed his hand and smiled, trying to be comforting, not knowing if you were doing a good job or not. He led you towards the front door, clearly wanting to leave.
“Are you okay?” you asked, feeling the tension in his forearm as you held onto him so you wouldn’t get separated by the crowd. The chaotic chatter of the partygoers around you concealed your words and afforded you both a paradoxical privacy.
“Yeah. You’re here,” he replied, turning around and flashing you a sweet smile — the kind he reserved only for you. The sincerity of it knocked the air from your lungs temporarily.
Once you’d made it out of the packed house, you swiftly found Aeri to let her know you were leaving.
“Hi, uh-” Aeri started, staring at Kai’s name embroidered on the jacket around your shoulders. Her pupils were dilated from the alcohol. “What?”
“I’ll explain tomorrow, I promise,” you said, holding up your pinky finger.
She locked her own around yours with a dramatic eye roll. “God, I can’t wait to hear whatever this story is,” she ribbed, clearly joking, because she gave you a tight hug and told you to get home safe.
——————————
While you were talking to Aeri earlier, Kai had run around to the backyard to tell his own friends he was leaving to take you home. None of them had seemed even remotely surprised at this news. They saved all their questions for the group chat, not that he’d bothered to check his texts since. He’d reply to them later.
He tiptoed into your living room after you and took off his shoes, trying not to disturb your brothers.
“What are you smiling at?” Kai asked, watching you curiously as he locked the front door behind him and turned on the lights.
“Just making sure Daeseong and Daehyun did their chores,” you replied, looking around the room, clearly pleased that they had. The plates were washed, the floor was cleaned, and the curtains were drawn. As far as he could tell, the only thing left for you to do was iron.
Your wood floors were cold under his feet, even through his socks. He stood with his hands in his back pockets and waited for you to speak, but all you did was glance at the ironing and then back at him apologetically.
“I’ll help you,” he offered, never mind that ironing wasn’t exactly a two-person operation. He knew you’d forgiven him, that you were ‘back together’, but he remained on edge. You did too. Standing right beside you as you ironed and he folded clothes, he could almost taste the nervous energy radiating off of you. You two still needed to talk.
“Do you want to spend the night?” you asked. You had never invited him to stay over before.
Inquisitive, he studied your features. “Do you want me to spend the night?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, I will.”
You fell silent. He continued folding, biting his tongue.
“I feel like I should say something, but I don’t know what to say,” you admitted, with your trademark straightforward bend, your eyes locked on Daehyun’s school uniform shirt you were pressing.
“Why did you take me back?” he blurted out, surprised by his own forwardness. He hadn’t quite realised how close to the surface in his mind that question had been bubbling for the last hour until now.
The laundry pile had depleted much faster than he expected it to (you were clearly a better ironer than he was), reduced to just two of your own school uniform shirts. You switched off the iron and set it aside, reaching for his hand. He gave it to you.
“I really like you, Kai,” you began, and as if you could sense his apprehension you immediately added, “the real you, not the one everyone else sees that you keep calling immature or cowardly or whatever you said earlier.”
Yeonjun had mentioned something ages ago: he said he spoke to you after school once and asked you what you liked about Kai. You answered, “everything.” At the time Kai figured you just didn’t know how to respond (because what kind of question was that, right?), which was what he told Yeonjun.
“No, man,” Yeonjun insisted. “I was joking around with them like, ‘Are we talking about the same person?’ And they shrugged and said, ‘He makes it easy.’ They had the corniest, dopiest smile on their face. It was revolting.”
Yeonjun was still reeling from his breakup at the time, clearly.
The way Kai felt now was exactly how he felt back then. It must’ve been more than two months ago. A flippant memory for Yeonjun, perhaps, and you probably didn’t even know Kai knew of the conversation, but Kai never stopped thinking about it.
“You’re kind, you’re caring, you’re selfless. You notice things that no one else does, and you’re always there to make sure I’m okay without ever taking credit. I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself, because you’re my favourite person too,” you continued.
He shook his head, fighting off a smile, holding your hands in his. “I don’t- that’s not true.”
At that, you frowned. “But you are. And you’re wonderful.”
Your eyes were soft but insistent, pulling him in and not letting him look away. He wasn’t used to such frank words. He was used to superlatives and grand titles: the best-looking boy in school, the MVP of the soccer team, one-fifth of the fifteen day kings.
But to be called wonderful was something else. It made him giddy.
“You didn’t tell me about Stackies,” you reminded him. “Most people would have. And you didn’t tell me about Hangil.”
Kai blinked. “How do you know about that?”
“His friends were bitching about it to Aeri,” you answered. “Wasn’t it because of us?”
“Not us, you. He was being inappropriate,” Kai replied, scowling now as he remembered the encounter. “But I didn’t keep it a secret out of some noble selflessness, I just didn’t want you to find out I punched someone.”
It took you all of two seconds to see through his obvious self-deprecating lies. You didn’t dwell on it though, merely letting go of his hand and reaching for the iron to turn it back on. He could almost see you thinking, trying to figure out how best to respond without scaring him off.
Neither one of you spoke while you pressed your last two shirts and he put them neatly on hangers, or while you left to put away the laundry and he helpfully kept the iron and ironing board.
He felt exposed, mortifyingly so. Your words were too kind, the type to make him want to run away. It wasn’t like he hated attention, far from it, but it was just different when it was your attention for some reason.
But when you returned from your room empty-handed and ready to talk, he stayed and listened.
“That’s not why. You know I wouldn’t have been upset by that,” you observed with a playful smile. You never complained about people like Hangil being knocked down a few pegs.
Kai shrugged. “Well, you shouldn’t have to hear stuff like that,” he said simply. You walked right up to him and took his hand again, and it felt like his heart was going to burst. “I know you don’t need me to protect you or anything, but-”
He was almost relieved when you leant forward and kissed him to shut him up, because it was apparent he was incapable of doing so himself. You tasted like your favourite raspberry chapstick, oh so sweet and intoxicating.
“See?” you whispered when you pulled back. “You are selfless.”
——————————
After Kai stubbed his toe on the corner of your kitchen counter and only barely stopped himself from shouting in pain, you decided it’d be better to head up to the roof to talk. If either of your brothers woke up now they’d never go back to bed.
You both put on your jackets and he dragged a blanket up the stairs behind him, ready to brave the night chill until you were tired enough to sleep. Leaning back against the tall parapet, legs tangled together as you sat side-by-side on the floor, Kai rested his head on top of yours with a happy sigh.
“You knew I liked you, right?” you asked, sitting obediently still while he wrapped both of you up in the blanket and tucked you in.
“I think so. I couldn’t understand why, though,” he said, only half-joking.
“What does that mean?” you mumbled, mindlessly opening the suspiciously-old pack of gummy bears Kai had fished out of his jacket pocket earlier. He told you not to eat them, but you didn’t listen. When you offered him one, he refused.
“I remember when you first started waking up earlier to prepare your brothers’ dinner before school so you could stick around until my soccer training ended,” he started, grabbing the pack from your hands to check if the gummy bears were still edible before reluctantly returning it. You sat up, ready to dispute that, but he stopped you.
“Don’t deny it! I could tell because you started answering my messages at six in the morning instead of six-thirty,” he said, grinning smugly when you closed your mouth and relented, lying back down. “And you always brought me snacks after my practice. I knew then, I’m pretty sure, but I didn’t feel like I deserved it.”
The rooftop was small, the view was unimpressive, and the night air was cold and dry, but none of that really mattered to him. What mattered was you, your hand in his, and your head on his shoulder.
“I cannot comprehend why you think you’re so unlovable,” you mused. Your tone was light, but he could tell you were upset from the way your voice pitched up ever so slightly as it always did when you got emotional.
He watched you eat the gummy bears with a lingering mild concern, turning your words over and over in his head.
“I don’t think that exactly,” he answered after a long pause. “I just don’t really know who I am yet.”
The implied ‘how can I think I deserve love if I don’t even know myself?’ went unsaid, hanging in the air between you two like a stubborn fog unwilling to clear. Sometimes it really did feel like everyone else around him was racing ahead in front of him, leaving him in the dust, aimless and confused.
“I don’t know who I am either. Most people don’t, even if they act like they do,” you pointed out sagely. “We don’t need to have everything figured out.”
He smiled and adjusted the collar of your jacket to better shield you from the wind. “How did you get so wise?” he teased, playfully messing up your hair with his free hand. You automatically leaned into his touch when he did, like you’d never fought at all.
“If only my report cards agreed with you,” you laughed, suppressing a yawn and checking your watch. “It’s past midnight. We should go to bed,” you said quietly.
The loss of your warmth as you stood up and walked over to the rooftop door almost made him whine. He dragged himself to his feet, more tired than he would’ve liked to admit, until a realisation hit him.
“Wait,” he called, chasing after you. You turned around, looking so cute in your massive teddy jacket.
“What-”
Kai put one hand on your waist and the other on your jaw, tilting your head up so he could kiss you. He felt no surprise, no hesitation, no tension in your body as he did, even though he’d caught you off guard. Your lips were tinged with the artificial sweetness of the probably-expired gummy bears you’d been eating, soft and plush as they moved against his.
He had been craving this for so long — to feel your waist in his hands and your fingers in his hair, to be as physically close to you as the laws of nature would allow. A real, proper kiss, one where everything else in the world fell away and he could think of nothing but you.
He was forced to pull away by his pesky need for oxygen, feeling the urge to kiss you again the second he did. You looked up at him, slightly confused but mostly blissful, the sort of dazed contentment one felt after waking up and realising a loved one had covered them with a blanket while they were sleeping.
“What was that for?” you whispered, your cold fingers wrapping naturally around his forearms to hold him closer. Like it was magnetic, both of you were drawn to each other.
He beamed, pointed to your watch, and kissed your forehead one last time. “Happy 100 day anniversary.”
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thanks for reading!
-minastras <3
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hueningsloverr · 5 months
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౨ৎ making the bed !
pairing: hueningkai x slightly toxic!reader summary: life was miserable for you. it wasn't for kai. and while he could never change your circumstances, he was there for you. word count: 0.6k extra: inspired by olivia rodrigos making the bed ! and it's not happy. y/n has mental health issues !! implied death of a loved one . lots of mentions of being drunk .
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you were notoriously aggressive. not in a negative way, just well... set in your ways. you always got what you wanted in the end, even if you didn't always go about it in the best ways. which is why it was shocking huening kai was so drawn to you.
kai was thoughtful, where you were thoughtless. not much happened in your brain before you made a decision (not that you were dumb anything, you just were brash!!!) yet kai was meticulous, calculating.
to you, everything was a sign for something else. you played pretend, dressing up behind fake smiles and forced laughter. there was such little joy left in your left. anything fun you somehow managed to ruin.
and kai was all too familiar with your behaviour. it worried him.
some nights, you would disappear, only to show up at his door at an ungodly hour. drunk. only propped up by two slightly-sober friends. he'd let you stay with him. he knew you couldn't go home. not like that.
yet come morning, you'd be gone. you'd push and push him away for around a week, then show up drunk once again. your drunken confessions usually lasted under ten minutes, yet they made everything make sense.
you were miserable with your life.
you were more miserable when you would startle awake in the middle of the night, kai instantly rushing to your side.
he was always there.
he had to be.
the one night he wasn't, everything changed.
"i’m sorry, i heard about-" kai began, already fumbling for words. what do you say to someone who may lose the person they hold closest to their heart? there is nothing to say. nothing to fix the wrongs.
"don't. she is not your sister lying on that hospital room." you snapped, yet there was no visible anger in your eyes. not towards kai at least. towards the world, maybe. but not towards him. you were hurting.
"i know what it feels like to have someone you care about in danger. when there's nothing you can do for the one you love. all there's left to do is sit through the storm, and pray it doesn’t sweep them away."
two years.
every night whilst you slept terribly, battling the nightmares, he sat awake in bed, wondering what could have been different had he been there.
he brought it up once to a friend, who simply laughed in his face. they told him you had a 'victim complex'.
you were fucked in the head, basically.
and kai knew that if there was even any truth to that statement, you were already trying to fix that. you were seeing someone, getting help. your life was out of your control, and you were working to get it back.
some days were simply worse than others, for both you and kai. you teetered on the edge of love. drunkenly, you would tell him you loved him. and stupidly, he would believe it.
a chemical imbalance in your brain. or so kai tried so hard to believe. anything besides the choice that sometimes, you were just cruel.
it was hard to believe that, though. because when you were good, god you were amazing. you could be so sweet, so apologetic. you regretted being who you were. and it was obvious to kai when you would cry into his sweater, a sobbing mess.
you, at the end of the day, were the one who made all those bad decisions. you were suffering the consequences. you were the one to blame. there was nowhere to hide. accountability was knocking on your door. and while you refused to answer it for the time being, kai would be there when you were ready.
he always would. you're the one making the bed, but kai would always be by your side.
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authors note : this is the one based off of making the bed! i am a terrible person. i don't know why i chose to injure a sibling. maybe cuz i feel like ive lost mine idk. lol. idk i might go on hiatus im not doing the best rn and i think how terrible this is reflects that like this was just projection.
©2024 — all rights reserved to hueningsloverr , please do not plagiarise or translate any of my work
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