#ive been teasing this forever and now its here

[cryscendo]

Fic: Just Between Us, Do You Remember It?

He sat alone at a table in a quaint, little coffee shop in the city. He chose this shop, because he knew that it was never particularly crowded. He was going to need every ounce of privacy that he could get.

He was well over halfway through his first cup of coffee when a voice requested his attention — a voice that he was all too familiar with.

“Y’know, I’m honestly surprised you were willing to meet with me.”

Kurt turned, taking in a figure that he had not seen organically in just over three years. Even then, something about looking at the older man made his heart skip in ways that he did not want to think about.

available to read on ao3

[tyunkus]

how would txt react to their s/o wanting to try facesitting? :0

ur a genius anon (other members under the cut!)

yeonjun would try to hide how excited he is but you can see the way his face literally lights up when you mention it. dont tease him ok its all hes been thinking about for so long!!!! he lovesss eating u out and hes fucking great at it too, it was only a matter of time before u just sat on his face. he would be so so gentle with you, encouraging you to put your full weight down - sex with yeonjun can be so intense sometimes, but this time it feels so fun n easy, jjunie smiling from between your legs, egging you on <3 and god the moan he lets out when you finally sit, the sounds he would make underneath you, muffled by your cunt </3 FUCK you'd just constantly be kept on your toes, he always changes up the pace, long stripes of his tongue or suckling on your clit or whatever else comes to mind <3

soobin would agree right away!! nothing really special about it, you mention it to him one day and he agrees to try it with u! little do you know hes kinda been fantasizing over it for forever the lil perv. n just imagine.. domestic soobin relaxed on the bed and when you come out of the shower wearing only your underwear.. n he smiles at you and tells you to come over, take a seat <3 he's corny like that ok <3 his palms wrap firmly around ur waist, almost like he's warming them up on ur skin, n then he's sloowlllyyy pulling down your panties <3 moves his enormous hands down to cup your ass, a careful, steady grip while you lower ur pussy onto his warm tongue :') your lip caught between your teeth when you relax your full weight on his face and youre so nervous but hes taking it all in stride, his fingers fucking digging into your butt because he needs to get a grip or he might come on the very spot 😞

beomgyu my little menace theres no dilly dallying when it comes to him! the second you mention it to him he's down to try it right away, even if its not something hes really thought of before. but when he sees you hovering over him, legs quivering n your face all cute and scrunched up - as cute as you are, he's not having any of it, will demand you to sit >:( n when you nod n mumble out okay, okay he just gives your thigh a light slap n rumbles good girl, right before your cunt meets his tongue <3 HED BE SOOOO INTO IT growling n moaning while he eats you out, squeezing your thighs so hard, cant help it sometimes but to slip in a little dirty talk here n there against your pussy haskhdas

taehyun would be SOOO down to try it especially since it would give him the chance to show off his strength AHAHAHA telling you to hurry and take a seat on his face, the fuck you mean you're nervous? weren't you the one who wanted this in the first place? no fair if you make him wait, come on, babygirl, sit on it - he's a strong boy! tyun's just obsesseddd with watching ur lower lip wobble with want while hes licking n sucking at you, loves landing small smacks on your ass throughout it just to hear how you squeak <3 and you're honestly surprised that you don't feel unsafe at all - taehyun is just that strong tbh hes so dreamy <3

HUENING KAI <33333 pretty sure ive already discussed this before but he would be so so sweet and gentle and cute he literally melts inside when he sees how wobbly your knees are right before you give in and sit on his mouth <3 he just wants to make you feel so, so good, so give it all to him and don't hold back! ride his face if you need to, he just wants to be a good boyfriend for you and make you come!!! and when you do come, its like his entire world just freezes at the sight of you unraveling on top of him fuck his cheeks are just so pink n his eyes are so wide n his thick cock is straining his pants ughh can you let him fuck you now please ?!! <3333

[anzynai]

Oh, are requests open? Weeell, maybe a little something with the Leech twins and lee!reader (platonic), if you're okay with it? 👉🏻👈🏻✨

Have a nice day Jai <3

Two Times the Trouble

Jade & Floyd & Reader (Twisted Wonderland)

a/n: ANON I LOVE U SO MUCH FOR THIS. i love this request!!! anyways i did pour my heart onto this fic!! i struggled a little more that i thought i would?? the idea was a bit difficult but i think i made it work! this is the first request from the batch of TWST requests ive received (a long time ago, unfortunately, but im choosing to blame it on the fact i was doing my SS fic..) so sorry the request took forever but at least its here now LOL hope u enjoy!! ALSO FIRST FIC FOR THE NEW YEAR LETS GO

summary: when floyd learns of your ticklishness, you are already on edge around him. you didn’t know you had to be wary of his twin, too.

word count: 1.5k

——

You might be in trouble. You might really be in trouble.

It all started just a few minutes earlier. You were in class, minding your own business! Of course, Floyd was in the class, but so was Jade. Azul.. was not, and the only reason you noticed because somehow the three of them were almost always together, unless they weren’t..?

Anyway, Floyd usually only interacted with Jade or Riddle, if he was in the mood for teasing the housewarden. He didn’t really talk to you all that much.

So obviously, you were surprised when he apparently had decided to change his target for the day to you, plopping down in the seat next to you. Grim often sat there and you could hear his protests, but Floyd either didn’t hear or pretended not to. Eventually, Grim grumbled and just moved to sitting on top of your desk. He was small enough.

“What’s up, Shrimpy?” Floyd drawled, a small grin on his face, showing his spiky teeth. It must be a Moray thing, you thought offhandedly.

“Oh, hey, Floyd.” You greeted him back with a small smile. Mostly out of politeness because you had no idea what he was doing there.

“M’ bored. Jade won’t entertain me. And Goldfishie’s not here.” He sighed, sadly, though, it did not sound genuine at all.

“That sounds annoying.” You said, but you start focusing your attention away from him and to Professor Trein, who began speaking. And… you really didn’t want to get on his bad side.

“Yeah, you get it, Shrimpy. That’s why you’re gonna entertain me today!” Floyd grinned, a large toothy smile, almost like an innocent child.

“Am I?” You asked, though it was more of a “response” than a question. You looked down at your notebook, jotting down notes as Trein lectured, pouting when you saw Grim snoozing away. Usually, Trein noticed right away, but he seemed very invested in his lecture today.

“Mhm!” Floyd said, slowly, before he decided to try annoying you. From taking away your notebook so you couldn’t write it down, from kicking your chair, from grabbing every little thing he could get his hands on. You began feeling pity for Riddle. You had always thought he was exaggerating, but you swore you could feel yourself popping a blood vessel every two seconds.

Suddenly, Floyd decided that stealing your items were too boring and he resorted to poking you instead. Again. And again. And again.

“Would you sto-AH!” You tried whispering but then he poked a spot on your side and you couldn’t hold back your squeal.

“Everything alright over there?” Trein asked, seemingly annoyed that his class was disrupted.

“I—uh yeah!” You stuttered out, embarrassed as everyone turned towards the two of you. You glanced over, hoping that Floyd didn’t notice, but the scary grin on his face told you otherwise. For the rest of class, he kept poking your side and you found yourself unable to focus on the lesson, trying your hardest not to giggle.

“I’m gonna squeeze ya!” Floyd exclaimed, though a bit quietly. When the bell rang, you were the first one out the door.

You didn’t notice that Jade had been watching the two of you the entire time.

——

“Floyd, leave me alone!” You shrieked, running around the mostly empty lounge. You decided to get a quick snack from there since you were about to dive headfirst into an all-night study session for the Alchemy test coming up and you figured that making sure you weren’t hungry would.. help.

It was supposed to be in and out. Quick and easy.

It was not in and out.

Floyd was clearly still interested by his discovery, which even you had thought he had forgotten about. Really, he got bored of most things so quickly so why not now!?

So brings you to the present, him chasing you, wiggling his fingers menacingly and you running as far from him as you can. Azul sighed, used to Floyd’s antics.

“Just don’t mess up the lounge… or you’ll be cleaning it all by yourself.” He said, before walking away and into the kitchen.

You, on the other hand, ran towards Jade, who had been watching you guys with amusement. He seemed like he was wondering whether he should continue watching or help you and well, you decided it for him.

“Jade, help!” You exclaim, ducking behind him and using him as cover. You guys hopefully seemed friends enough to be able to do this, so you were obviously gonna use it to your advantage!

“Now, Floyd, don’t be like this..” Jade started, a pleasant smile on his face that had you sighing in relief and Floyd groaning in disappointment.

“Come on, Jade, just let me squeeze 'em..”

“Look at them, don’t you think they’d be too sensitive to endure your wrath?” Jade added and you could see the exact moment Floyd’s gaze lit up and all hopes of mercy on your poor, unfortunate soul were shattered. But before you could move, Jade grabbed your wrist, locking your arms up easily. You struggled in his grasp, but it was no use. It wasn’t even as if you were weak! What did he eat anyway?! Were moray just stronger?

“Jade.. How could you do this to me..?!” You shouted, betrayed, gulping when Floyd walked towards you, menacingly. It was fast-paced, but to you, it felt like he was walking in slow-motion.

“I must apologize. However, I should indulge both myself and my dear brother at times. You must understand.” Jade said, though there was not an ounce of guilt on his face. Your arms, which were hooked up from Jade’s arms were suddenly released, but that didn’t mean you could escape. Instead, Jade wrapped his arms around your waist and began tickling your sides. And Floyd, well, he pounced and started tickling your stomach, your armpits, pretty much anywhere he could get his hands on.

“N-nOHOHOHO, w-why?!” You cried, feeling overwhelmed by the fact that the Leech twins were so easily tickling you.

“Oooh, Shrimpy, already broke ya, huh?” Floyd teased. He was more on the rougher side of tickling, pinching and squeezing your sensitive skin, while Jade was more gentle, with light grazes and scribbles which were still so evil.

“Ehehehe shuhuhut uhuhup!” You looked around, feeling embarrassed, but the lounge was mostly empty and those who were there seemed occupied with other things so they didn’t pay attention to you. You looked back at the Leech twins, flailing in their arms, but Jade managed to pull your arms above your head with his hand, despite your flailing.

“You’re really going to say that to us? Now, don’t be so mean. You might hurt my feelings.” Jade chucked, deep and low. You knew that what he said was complete bullshit, but you couldn’t comment on it, too caught up on the hands on your body.

They were relentless, that much you could tell. It felt like they were trying to find the spots that made you tick and react the most and you could feel that this wasn’t the last time they’d tickle you like this.

“Plehehehease!” You giggle instead, unable to find the words to respond.

“Please what, Shrimpy? You’re so ticklish already!” Floyd giggled, his hands grasping against your sides and occasionally drifting over towards your stomach.

“Now, now, Floyd. I’d say that they are faring quite well.”

“W-WAHAHAHAHH!” Is your response, apparently. You could just die right now. You never imagined that today would be the day you found yourself being tickled to absolute pieces, by none other than the Leech twins! You began wondering how Azul ever put up with them! Knowing how they’re acting now, you’re sure the three of them have engaged in some sort of tickle-fights, if the experience they very obviously had was anything to go by.

“Sure about that, Jade? They’re like a squeak toy!” You tried to put your lips together. That.. lasted about half a second before you found it hard to keep your mouth shut, eliciting the noises that Floyd had just compared to a toy. “Squeak, squeak!” Floyd chirped, squeezing like you were, in fact, a toy.

“Nohohohoho!!” You shriek, laughing and laughing. The fingers on your body were unrelenting and you could feel tears of mirth begin to prick at your eyes. They hadn’t even gotten your worst spot, and Jade was barely even tickling you, more focused on holding you so Floyd could get more access. Still… you were feeling a bit overwhelmed.

It seemed Jade was watching your reactions, though, because he muttered Floyd’s name. Either that, or he just conveniently and coincidentally noticed at the exact time you were reaching your limit. It didn’t matter, because he had let go of you and Floyd, instead of tickling you, slung his arm over your shoulder, leaning. You felt exhausted, so you just dropped your head, using his arm as a headrest.

“That was super fun, Shrimpy! We gotta do that again sometime!” Floyd laughed, heartily and cheerfully.

“Hopefully not too soon…” You muttered, under your breath, causing Floyd to laugh harder.

“I agree. I wouldn’t mind this scenario happening again.” Jade nodded, poking your side and smirking when you flinch and glare.

“Not you too..” You pout, though you couldn’t hold back a smile. You hadn’t really thought about where you stood with the twins before, but you found that you didn’t ever mind their presence either. In fact, you could feel yourself hoping for times like this to occur more, as well.

[ivorryskies]

Armed detective agency x reader

Where the whole detective agency are on a vacation ,camping. In the place they are camping, there is a haunted house and somewhere in the house there is a statue. Obviously dazai decides that they explore the house in teams,the first team who finds the statue wins. So the reader is paired with dazai:3 you continue. (BTW reader and dazai are besties though dazai feels something for the reader that's not the concern tho.) the reader,she hates horrors^^

➼Authors note: Ofc I can! I love this idea and I started writing right away but I'm so devastated I wrote a whole fic of atleast 1k words :( and it discarded and I've been mourning over it. I'm so sorry it took long I have exams! I'm just really sad about the fic 😭💪🏻

➼Pairings: dazai x reader

➼Summary: an unexpected trip to a haunted house with dazai, turns into something out of a movie

YOU AND ME ALWAYS FOREVER

You and Dazai were unpacking necessities when you heard Yosano from beside you sigh tiredly and say "finally a well deserved break". "did we really have to come here out of all the places" Ranpo whined eating his donuts he insisted to bring. "i think camping is a nice idea! we can have smores!" you chirped. "speaking of smores about the fire Atsushi and Kyouka arent back yet with the wood. we need it to start the fire" Tanizaki said with Naomi on his arms. "i can go find some too!" Kenji said happily. As if on cue Atsushi and Kyouka both came running to the lot.

"Guys! we found a mysterious house which has a sign outside it has some statue carved on it with a question mark?" Atsushi said panting catching his breath when while Kyouka drops the wood off to tanizaki. "entertainment!" ranpo stood up happily as his donuts were finished. "we have a scheduled plan to stick to? And right now its time to set up a tent". "no~ Kunikida kun we should all explore the house who knows what we may find! maybe a cute lady again willing to kill herself too~?" dazai teased. "oh shut up" you groaned elbowing him. "atsushi what type of house is it?" you asked maybe some people still were living in it. " it wasnt new at all it was old and rotten, really big though and electricity and water had been cut off when me and Kyouka tried the lights at the enterance".

"its...a...haunted...house?" you said worried, swallowing a lump down your throat. "i doubt its haunted but yes its old" Atsushi said before trying to convince Kunikida. Dazai walked to you and said " 'name' are you scared~ you looked pale when he mentions haunted". you snapped back to reality and said " so what?! ive heard many stories that go about the same story and they do not end up well!" you said defensively. " im here with you after all, do you really have to be scared". you stared "i dunno youre unpredictable you'll proabably make it scarier" he laughed at that before everyone was led by atsushi to the house.

Ranpo and Dazai deduced that the sign meant they had to find a statue somewhere in the house and it could be valuable. Dazai suggested everyone split into teams of 2 and exclaimed "team who finds the statue first wins!!". The teams were, Ranpo and Kunikida, Naomi and Tanizaki, Yosano and Kenji, Atsushi and Kyouka and You and Dazai. Everyone and split up until no one was in sight, Dazai inquired that you guys start upstairs since its more likely to be there. There was no light, the only source of light you all had was a flashlight in Dazais hands. You were scared. You kept seeing things. You just felt like something touched you on you shoulder when you looked back to see Dazai holding a torch to his face "boo~" "AAH WHAT THE HELL?! DONT DO THAT!" you jabbed his arm and he laughed teasing you.

You both went into some sort of library and this house was HUGE, atleast 3 stories and really spacious with alot of rooms. Dazai was skimming through some books while you kept looking behind your back. That was when you saw something standing in the corner. You shook Dazais arm and he looked over to you "yes donna-" "is there something standing there..." you said paranoid and pale youre fingers began trembling. He shined the light there and there was nothing. "its nothing 'name' dont be scared im here~" you would have told him to shut up only if you werent so scared so Dazai sighed and held your hand before saying "the statue is on the 3rd floor corner room, its quite dark there so close your eyes, ill guide you through" he said actually serious.

You looked back at the corner you saw something at and then at Dazai and nodding shuddering. You shut your eyes and Dazai quickly led you through squeezing your hand reassuringly some times. Though it seemed Ranpo and Kunikida had the same idea when both of the teams reached the spot where the statue is. You were still holding his hand looking around when you felt something up your leg which made you jump. "donna you dont have any reason to be scared anymore were not alone~". you didnt care you just wnated to go back out. You couldnt take the creepy aura from the house and soon enough everyone gathered outside to tell about the statue and whatever else they found interesting. Like atsushi and Kyouka found an old piano.

Everyone was heading back to the camp site but you didnt realize Dazai was still holding your hand but slowly you stopped shaking and sighed "thank god we didnt die or you and me would always be forever if we got killed by a ghost!" he laughed at your comment and said " you sound it like its a bad thing" you looked at him dead pan and then shuddered, "just forget it this was enough terror for the day". He smiled he couldnt help but feel something, something he never felt, he liked it. he repeated "you and me...always forever..?"

[afewfantasies]

🏔️The Retreat 🏔️- Chapter IV

Prologue | Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Misc references & details

Summary:  Lorena gets her first visitor at The Retreat, her sister Felicia who has absolutely no tact. Both Lorena and Gale are confronted with uncomfortable truths. Gale is confronted with the feelings he's been trying to suppress for Lorena - his unlikely visitor and companion.

Pairing: Gale Cleven x Lorena (black fem oc)

Warnings:  None

Tropes: Slow Burn, opposites attract, forbidden love

Word Count: 2.2

PART IV - SISTER SISTER

It took everything in Gale to keep from smiling at the nerves coming from Lorena. He’d never seen a more nervous wreck of a woman, a ball of nerves and excitement. She had spend two hours on her hair and had Rose press out her clothing perfectly. He didn’t know how she wasn’t working up a sweat pacing in her heels awaiting the train.

“Lorena take it easy” he says with a hand on her shoulder eliciting looks from onlookers. She looks up at him settling at his side.

“Stop laughing at me” she mutters.

“I’m not laughing” Gale smiles.

“You are its in your eyes” she mutters and he breaks his composure for a moment chuckling.

“She’ll be here, and she’ll be happy to see you. It’ll all be fine” Gale says hopefully.

“That’s not what I’m worried about, what if daddy is on the train with her and he hauls me away?” Lorena asks.

“If your father gets off that train you let me know and we’ll make a run for it.” Gale says no longer smiling.

“Major Gale Cleven running, there’s a thought…” Lorena teases.

“You love your father, its the only option” he says as the roaring of the train and sounding of horn get closer. “It’s alright” he whispers down at your head standing in front of you slightly. You both wait near first class and very few folks exit the train. Felicia exits the train as the fifth person, she has a bag in each hand and there’s an attendant holding two more as she looks around in search of her younger sister.

“That’s her” Lorena squeaks running over to her sister she takes her into her arms both women jumping excitedly. Gale gets a trolley putting the four bags onto it and allowing the women to reacquaint themselves. It had been nearly a year now since the sisters had been together. 

“Lolo you do know how to run!” Felicia smiles looking over her baby sister. 

“I do” Lo affirms smiling as she takes her sisters hand. They turn to find Gale watching them. They shared little resemblance but enough. Gale can see the similarities in them, their mannerisms and smiles.

“Well, how do yo do?” Felicia says looking him over. “No wonder you like it out here” Felicia comments.

“This is Gale” Lo laughs at her sisters cantor. 

“Nice to meet you” Gale blushes a little take a back by the forward sister.

“You made him sound like an old man” Felicia fails to whisper.

“Shut up why don’t you, and lets get on the road, we won’t be home until late” Lorena snaps embarrassed by her sisters mouth.

“Why? Are we’re far away?” Fefe asks Lorena who responds with a wink.

“May I put these in the back?” Gale asks motioning to the suitcases.

“Sure and it’s Felicia Clarence, I promise our mother taught Lorena manners she’s just so pretty she’s never needed to use them” Felicia smiles. Lorena scoffs at the irony of Felicia’s so called manners.

“Gale Cleven” he smiles shaking her hand. Both ladies sit up front in the truck leaving Gale without his usual person of space between him and Lorena.

“So how are mom and dad?” Lorena asks to fill some of the silence.

“Same as always, waiting for you to come back home” Felicia says honestly. Gale grips the wheel at the jarring reality.

“I keep telling them I won’t be home for awhile” Lorena reminds feeling claustrophobic.

“So this arrangement isn’t forever?” Felicia asks suspiciously sitting forward to point between her sister and the handsome stranger that was now both her landlord and employer.

“Lorena can stay as long as she’d like” Gale responds. Lorena notes there was o hesitation and raises a brow at her sister.

In not one of the letters had Lorena mentioned his fashion good looks to Felicia, not once had she described his physicality. He was dreamier than Felicia could have ever imagined, younger too. The Gale in the letters was an old man, chaste and probably well past his prime free of vice and with a bucketful of old man hobbies. Gale in person was something totally different.

“Middle of nowhere to let all that pretty and party planning expertise to go to waste” Felicia tuts shaking her head. “What happened to us having large estates across the street from each other filled with the finest china and a distinguished guest list?” Felicia asks.

“Felicia, I’m not like you I can’t just show my face anyways and pretend like the whispering doesn’t get to me when it does. I don’t need anyones pity either, I don’t need sharks circling I don’t need the drama of courtship and planing another wedding. I just need peace.” Lorena sighs being transparent with her sister.

“Whoa, you two really aren’t sleeping together” Felicia says shocked. Lorena and Gale both show healthy blushes, embarrassment burns their cheeks as Felicia says the quiet parts aloud.

“Fe!” Lorena grits.

“Sorry, I mean look at him but mama and daddy raised us with enough sense we wouldn’t morn one relationship while sitting with a man were in another with” Felicia says dismissively.

“Gale I told you she talks too much and she has no decorum. Please forgive her.” Lorena says embarrassed. Nodding he forces back a smile. He’d never seen Lorena embarrassed before.

“My apologies Gale, I’m just trying to figure out my sister. This is the biggest shock to all of us. If you knew where and how we grew up you’d understand my concern” Felicia reasons.

“I understand” Gale mutters.

“Do you?” Felicia pries looking at him. “Do you have siblings?”

“Only child” he responds keeping his eyes on the road.

“That must’ve been boring” she continues with her inquisition. 

“It was alright” Gale shrugs.

“Well, we have a brother and then each other and that kept life interesting” Felicia shares. Gale turns looking at Lorena, she had never spoke about her brother in the past five months, not once, nor did she send him a letter.

“You have a brother?” Gale asks Lorena.

“Well we’re not close” she responds.

“They’re feuding because Kevin had an affair on his wife” Felicia discloses.

“It’s a dishonourable thing to do to your pregnant wife” Lorena mutters.

“He’s family, she’s not - he’s on your side you know. He’s scorned reggie from all social events he controls” Felicia says trying to mend fences.

“Hypocritical don’t you think?” Lorena chuffs still feeling the sting of her ex-husbands indiscretion.

“Him and Maria are doing better than ever. You going MIA scared him straight. You would be proud of him the kids are familiar with him, he’s been home and Maria is happy” Felicia adds but unlike both of Lorena’s siblings her marriage had been full of love and passion. It was alive and well, it was what Lorena wanted, she’d never had the luck of lukewarm love. If her marriage had been that perhaps it would have hurt less.

“Good for them” Lorena mutters trying to hide her smugness from Gale.

“You bitch” Felicia laughs shaking her head at her sister. Gale’s eyes grow in size as Lorena withholds a smile. “You’re pissed at Kev but you write Reggie” Felicia says taking it too far.

“Don’t go there Fe” Lorena warns sharply, Gale watches as the older raises her hands in surrender. Their dynamic is clear to him. Felicia has fashioned herself the antagonist, she’s the digger that’s relentless and doesn’t stop until she’s unearthed the truth. He watches Lorena read Felicia her rights at the gas station and the rest of the ride back is a lot more quiet with Lorena in a sour mood. He wonders if it was a bad idea on his end but only time can tell for sure.

…..

Gale straightens excited to see Lorena after last night, she’d gone up earlier than usual with her sister and he hadn’t wanted to intrude with a cool night. Felicia emerges in the doorway with a smile.

“Good morning” she smiles.

“Good morning, Rose brought by breakfast” he stands.

“Sit, its fine I can serve myself” Felicia smiles fixing herself a plate. Gale finds himself a little uneasy in her presence. “Relax, men show their tail after a month, it’s been about six since she’s been here you're a good man” Felicia says frankly. She’d decided that during the long ride into the Retreat.  Lorena was herself and not a shell of who she had been, Felicia could see her sisters ease around Gale, anyone could see she was well in spite of the heartbreak. 

“Thank you” Gale breathes relieved. Felicia’s personality was a kin to a bloodhound unable to let things go.

“She never had a real shot, she’s been spoiled rotten her whole life. Never had to fight for anything so um, she runs when she should be home giving Reggie hell for his betrayal” Felicia comments buttering her bread. 

“Hell will find him when he realizes what he’s lost” Gale comments but Felicia scoffs.

“No, no Gale she’s not angry. If Reggie and that hussy run their course and his sorry ass comes back begging she’ll take him back. She’s still happy he’s alive. She is my sister but that girl is a special kind of crazy” Felicia says candidly. Gale sits back having lost his appetite at that thought.

“You think so?” He asks feeling bitterness.

“I know men, and I know my sister, that girl can’t hold a candle to her. Reggie still sends her money, people talk and the divorce was the girls doing. My brothers been doing a great job at blacklisting the vain bastard and absence only makes the heart grow fonder.” Felicia says talking like a man. Her words make sense to Gale, worse they scare him. 

“But your folks won’t let that happen, he’s a coward and he humiliated her. She’s only just stopped crying whenever letters come” Gale shares.

“My folks miss their Lorena. They’d rather her up the block then on the other side of the country” Felicia shrugs. Its the opposite of what Gale wants to hear.

“What do you think?” Gale asks Felicia curiously.

“I think Lorena and Reggie were puppy love. I think he’s a scoundrel and doesn’t deserve to breathe her air. He doesn’t appreciate her or value her, there’s an absence or respect. Lorena deserves better” Felicia speaks frankly.

“I agree” Gale nods.

“Major Gale ‘Buck’ Cleven, I did a lot of research. Found out you're a great man, leader of men. You survived a prison camp in Germany and managed an escape during the coldest winter in 100 years.” Felicia says shocking him.

“You're right” he nods attention piqued.

“So fight for her” Felicia says silencing everything around him. The assertive strength in her eyes dissolves into something more soft hearted. “I know you love her Gale and she thinks the world of you. It’s an odd pairing and a peculiar circumstance but I can think of no other reason for her to be all the way here if it weren’t written in the stars” Felicia shrugs. Footsteps sound above them and Lorena emerges from upstairs. Swallowing her heart races at the sight of her sister and Gale who’s white as a ghost.

“What’d she say?’ Lorena asks unnerved placing a hand against Gales clammy forehead.

“I asked him if it’s common to go skinny dipping in the lake?” Felicia lies.

“Swimming naked?” Lorena questions her sister who smiles jostling her brows.

“Gale I’m sorry, her and Clarence her husband are progressive and he encourages this sort of thing. We’re all used to it” Lorena apologizes and Gale has time to recover.

“It’s alright Lorena, no skinny dipping in this spot. You want to do that near running water but it’s not safe now. You ladies don’t shoot and so one of the guys would have to keep watch and uh … no” Gale says turning a little red at the thought. Felicia laughs and Lorena casts an amused yet annoyed look at her sister placing her hand on Gales shoulder.

“He’ll ever invite you back” she scoffs.

“If she weren’t married I’d make an introduction with Bucky” Gale stands taking Lorena’s hand. He smiles holding her gaze until she smiles back and then he nods.

“I’ll be with the horses if you need me” Gale says bidding her a goodbye.

So fight for her. Felicia’s words dance around in his mind as he heads outside mounting his horse. It repeats on a loop. He would in every circumstance that Lorena needed, it wasn’t a second thought. Therein lied the issue. He’d never given specific thought to him and Lorena long enough. He was always rushing those thoughts out of his head. Marge had been sure he was no longer worth it. Yet, Felicia seemed to be convinced otherwise.

Hearing a scream Gale looks over to find Felicia in a puddle ad Lorena laughing hysterically. Finding his smile in hers Gale considered the unthinkable. In his heart, he’s willing to fight. In his heart he hopes Lorena feels the same.

[doasyoudesireandlive]

Min skatt

Pairing: Thor Odinson x reader (AU setting)

Summary: Your first meeting with Thor.

Warnings: intoxication, fluff, kissing, Amanda is a bad friend, possessiveness,pet names, kinda meet-cute?

A/N: This is my first time writing for Thor. Ive wanted to try it for a while. Hope I did it justice. Thank you @late-to-the-party-81 and @jobean12-blog for your forever support ❤ As always its lazily proof read by me, and English is not my first language. Happy reading!

header by me. dividers by @saradika

"Come on Y/N!" Your friend Amanda grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the door. You were going to a party. Your first party here since you moved to town.

Amanda just walked right in, and soon you were seated in a chabby couch, talking to a guy named Bucky. 

"So you see, thats why cats are so much smarter than dogs" Bucky gestured wildly with his hands. You looked at him with confusion. 

"Ah, I see… so… are you from here?" you asked him politely, not wanting to fall into the "cats vs dogs" trap he laid out for you. 

Bucky shot you a charming smile. "Born and raised, baby. But not you. I havent seen you around and you are too pretty to go unnoticed." He winked at you. 

Snorting out a laugh, you tell him that you needed a change of scenery, and after inheriting a house from your great aunt you ended up here. 

Bucky was just about to say something when someone climbed into his lap. The "someone" was a tall, muscular 'american sweetheart' kinda guy. 

"Where did you go?" The American sweetheart's voice is thick and sweet as he rubs the tip of his nose against Buckys.

"Ive been sitting here all along, punk. You're the one who walked away." The teasing tone of Buckys voice make a shiver run down your spine. You cant seem to tear your eyes from him and the golden boy. Then they start to make out and you just sit there, staring at them like a creep. 

Bucky break the kiss and turn to you. "Y/N, this is my Steve." His eyes glisten with amusement. You manage to extend your hand for Steve to shake, and he does so while smirking. "I like this one, Buck." 

"Y/N!" Amandas voice breaks through the sounds of the party. 

You turn around to find her standing by the door, heavily making out with a man with longish black hair. 

Clearing your throat you say "you called?" 

Amanda turns around sporting a dopey grin. "There you are, you silly goose. Im going now… so, you have to hitch a ride home on your own.toodles!"

The black haired man just measure you up and down before grinning. "Nice to meet you, beautiful. Until next time" 

Amanda and the mystery man is soon out the door, leaving you there alone. Or not alone, alone. You just dont know a lot of people yet. Huffing, you go to find tequila. 

"So, yeah. Thats my story. You are insanely beautiful by the way. I mean wow. Just wow." You had definitely found tequila, and taken a few shots. 

The redhead you were talking to, Natasha, smiled sweetly at you. "Thank you. You are way too sweet, pretty girl" The last two words said so sweetly that you could taste them on your tongue.She reached up and cupped your face before giving you a kiss - right on the lips. It was short and sweet, but it made you feel all gooey inside. 

"See ya" Natasha walked away, leaving you there alone, with your heart thumping in your chest. 

"Well, well. Who are you?" A dark, melodic voice sounded from behind you. You turned around and looked at the god of a man. 

Tall, muscular, broad shoulders, narrow waist and big hands. A beautiful face with a sculpted jaw, high cheekbones and dark blonde scruff. His eyes were something different. Icy blue as a glacier in sunshine, with specs of greenish blue like the shallow waters of the ocean. His smile made his eyes sparkle.

"um, hi. I mean, I'm Y/N" You blushed, feeling like you had made a fool out of yourself. Your pulse was rushing in your ears and it felt like you had just turned sober,from the embarrassment.Still you extended your hand for him to shake. 

He seemed amused. "Im Thor. Why don't I know you? You are stunning" He took your hand in his,holding it like you were a princess. 

You looked at him in awe. "Me? how about you? Don't you own a mirror, Mr. Price Charming?" Your response seemed to surprise him, confusion showing on his face. You were afraid that you had fucked up, but suddenly his face split into a smile and a hearty laughter filled your ears. 

"You are snappy! I like it!" You laughed to, realief washing over you. 

"so, Skatt, you wanna come play beer pong?" You simply nod and Thor pulls you along outside to play.

Beer pong was so fun, and when paired up with Thor, you won every round. The outside air turned moist and cold, so you all migrated indoors. It was getting late (or early) so it was only the "core" left. Bucky, Steve, Sam, Natasha, Wanda,Clint, Tony, Bruce, Thor and you. You are seated in the living room, most of you on the verge of sleep. You sat with Thor.

Suddenly you remembered Amanda. "Wow… she really just left me here" you mutter to yourself. The feeling of betrayal sneaks its way in.  

"What was that, Skatt?" Thor's voice is soft and sweet like honey. You turn to look at him,and let out a gasp as you realize that you are so close that you can feel his breath on your face. Staring into his eyes, you feel excitement and lust stirring in your belly. 

"um, well, yeah. I don't know if you remember but I came here with my 'friend' Amanda" Thor hums and wraps his arm over your shoulders and pulls you close. 

"And why is that important, Skatt?" You look at him, squinting your eyes. 

"you know what? It's not important at all." You lean into his embrace and you sit there in comfortable silence for a few minutes. The bad feeling just melts away, like an icecream in sunny weather.

Your voice cut through the silence.

"Thor? You keep calling me 'Skatt'... What does it mean?"

Thor cups your face and leans in. His nose brushes yours and his breath fan over your lips, he's so close - you can almost taste him.

"It means treasure or precious" he whispers before kissing you. 

The kiss is sweet, but quickly turns filthy and lustful. You break the kiss, but stays in Thors embrace.

Thor pulls you into his lap, so you're straddling him. He pulls you closer, making you gasp as you can feel his arousal against your clothed core. 

Possessiveness glisten in his eyes. He whispers in your ear, words that would change your life forever.

"Min Skatt. My treasure. My precious."

taglist: @late-to-the-party-81 @animnerd

[proxythe]

Any headcanons for the sees members?

Also plus piercing/ lgbt hcs as well 🫣

yessuh let me think … u gotta stay with me here bc i’m so bad at just thinking of regular headcanons

- im ngl ive been big into aki being a glasses wearer lately … like he seriously needs them but never wears them. just stubborn and blind as hell

- this is a popular one but i feel like i haven’t said it in a while: minato & kotone being twins. they obviously look nothing alike canonically but i try to give them very similar features when i draw them (like their nose and mouth) as well as a little beauty mark by their lip

- i love aigis wearing kotone’s clothes. i usually draw this represented by aigis wearing pink to imply its not her own clothes (cuz we all know she normally loves a blue outfit) but i think it’s super cute to imagine. oh & in general i like to give aigis a lot of baggy casual clothes instead of her usual dresses and whatnot. i just like to picture all of sees fashion senses rubbing off on her in different ways

- yukari is scared of ghosts but not horror movies, while junpei doesn’t believe in ghosts but horror movies scare him. im not sure at all if horror is ever brought up honestly i can’t remember but i always thought it would be funny that yukari is so jumpy about ghosts but she’s unimpressed with horror movies, while junpei teases her about ghosts but then a horror movie will have him up scared for a week. trust, he stays denying it scared him

to not make this long as hell, i’ll stop there and get to the rest of ur ask… cutting it bc i always feel like a long ass post will look so cluttered

for my lgbt hcs i kinda fluctuate but its fine:

minato/kotone: bisexual … basically canon for kotone, but i see it for minato as well. i’m pretty open to any kotone gender hc, i personally never thought about it for her. minato tho i think i mainly enjoy nonbinary or transfem minato 😭 but it still is the same that im pretty open to any gender hcs for him as well

yukari: lesbian. immediate answer. i’ve brought this up before feels like forever ago but i am a transmasc yukari enjoyer. it sucks because when i thought about it the first time i remember i had a really big explanation for it that had me hype as hell but now i can’t remember and i just passively enjoy it LOL

junpei: he’s all over the place. i think the cishet ally junpei is really funny just bc it makes me laugh when the whole lgbt friend group just has the one straight guy BUT i also enjoy junmina in every sense so i think i dabble in a little bisexual junpei sometimes …

fuuka: she kinda just gives me unlabeled vibes in sexuality. i had an initial sexuality hc for her but junfuuka started growing on me so i changed it in my head … but i really really love trans girl fuuka i think it’s one of my fav hcs for her <3

akihiko: i feel like i view him gay but i also refer to him as bisexual when i think it’s funny LMFAOOO one thing i keep consistent is that i think he’s trans. basically canon to me. i know the boobs and gorgeous face combo throw some people off but i never imagined he’d want to cut them off so i don’t depict that

mitsuru: lesbian & trans woman. i think oomfs have made transmasc mitsuru grow on me too but i personally mainly view her as a trans woman. also basically canon to me. it’s another one that just comes so naturally that i forget it’s not true

shinji: i don’t imagine he would really care about labels. i think he’d fall in line with being a guy, he/him, whatever but like deep down i don’t think he’d really give af. same with sexuality. he likes who he likes i don’t think he’d make a big deal of it. his gender and sexuality is summed up to “i got bigger things to worry about than this”

LMFAOOO sorry long ass section but for piercings i think it’ll be shorter STAY WITH ME!!!!!!! tbh i think most would just be a normal ass ear piercing so i’m sorry in advance …

- first off… i can see yukari and mitsuru with regular ear piercings. yukari maybe a cunty belly button piercing but i think only like post canon/p4au yukari would get it tbh

- mitsuru with a nose piercing maybe … i honestly can’t imagine mitsuru would ever have many besides the regular ear ones but i can see her with like a stud… i feel like it’s one of those piercings a person would never realize she had unless they looked really close at her face. it’s on her emo bang side so it gets covered

- i can actually imagine junpei with some normal ass ear piercings. but that’s as far as he’d go bc i think the piercing gun/needle would make him cry a lil bit

- kotone seems like she’d do ears as well 😭 if im leaning into a Way more emo minato then i can actually see him with a few like ears/lips/etc. but regular him i don’t think he’d do any … im so sorry omg

- i draw/imagine shinji without any but ive seen people depict him with a tongue piercing before. i lowkey fw it. it’s hidden so i think he’d like something like that … otherwise i can’t imagine him with much

i’m sorry from the bottom of my heart for the lackluster piercing hcs bc i also enjoy piercings a lot visually but realistically i felt like sees wouldn’t really do much 😭😭 they’re too boring !!!

anyways this was long as hell but super fun so thank you for asking !!! i love going to my mind place

[screampied]

vegas, i leave for couple days, you post ANOTHER toji fic. its like you wanted me to come back bc its literally four paragraphs in and im SCREAMINGGGG

the “oh yeah” when he walks in i moaned. LOLZZZZZZZ I GIGGLED SAUR HARD LIKE UGH i havent even finished reading this 😭

“uh, ill talk to you guys later” “nah, keep that shit on” i bit my fist. theres currently bite marks on my fist ARGH HES SO DADDY

the insults.. LMFOAOAOOAOAOAPAP “he looks like he doesnt shower” I CABT DEAL

oh my.. “i was gonna for three days and you forgot how to act” TEACH ME HOW TO SCT IM OBEDIENT 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻 sorry that was uncalled for.

honestly when she said she faked everything i said LIARRRRR out loud bc i wouldve came from the kiss.. coughs.. OH MY GOD “eyes up here, not them. theyre not the ones who are gonna fuckin eat you out are they” BUSSANUTTTTT

im sorry these comments are actually making me cry “even my domain has better quality than this” “clean up aisle my pants > . <” LFMAO I CANT DO THIS 😭😭

the detail. i might as well be the viewer watchin that stream cuz LAWDDDDDDDSS 😻 “mhm, pull on it” i came :P “..harder” AHAT??? HELLO??? i squirted. “that’s what im talking about” yeah im two more sexy lines away from touching myself . THAT SOUNDS SO WILD IM SOREY 😭😭

oh my GAWDWDWDS “feels good when you do that” “yeah cause i know what the fuck im doing” pla have mercy. HAVE MERTHY. im sorry he fingered me under a dinner table with my PADRE talking to me?? WHYUUULLLDDDD (wild) but we luv it 😻

“told you to keep those fuckin on me” coughs i js screamed. “yeah.” MFGGGFFFFGHHHH IM CLAWIN THE WALLLSS.

“baby hold it” YAWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLL IVE LOST MY BREATH WHYS THAT SOOOO then rhe comments. PLEASE 😭

“petition to have toji oiled and cheeked up” signed! 😛 “dad?” “lol no.” LFMAOOAOAOAO 😭😭

OHH???? “i cabt wait” “yes you fucking can, if i tell my girl to wait, she’s gonna wait.” ORDERS ARE BEING FOLLOWED ILL WAIT BB 🤤🤤🤤 THE FICS NOT EVEN OVER IT JS KEEPS CUMMING. btw, i love how they be like arch it for me/ass up like YOHHH 😻😻😻

“sorryyyy” shes so real for that. “but sweetheart, you’re not sorry.” “huh?” “huh?” ive got a mocking kink now bc of you 🙁 now whenever i get mocked or teased i giggle 🙁🙁 i act like a whore 24/7 😒 TALK TO ME NICE AAYFGGHHHH I LOVE THAT LINE IM GONNA DIE

“girl hello? i wasnt talking to you” HES SO SASSY 😭😭 but the fact he talkin to my pussy like SHE LOVES YOU TEW 🤤 THESE COMMENTS GET OUT GOJO ASKING FOR THE ONLY FANS N GETO ASKING FOR IR ☠️ “please toji im a single mom” IM DEAD 😭

we’re getting caught on stream.. im leaving.

IM HERE NO ALL MIGHT GASPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP?????? “shit i think im in love with you” OUUUUUUUU HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARE YOU JOKING HELLO KNOCK KNOCK NO PUNCHLINE ARE WE SRS YOHHHHH??

i LOVED this, sorry for waffling but WEOOOWWW you ate this one UP veve > 0 <

— pearl anon <3

YOHHHH IM GEEEEEKEDDDDD 😭😭🥹🥹

first of all welcome back pearly 🙋‍♀️🙆‍♀️ i hope you've been well this saturday <3

and LMAOOOOOOOO

IMCRYIKMGGGH the chat was the best part to make omg 💔 like i’d pay so much to see toji double cheeked n oiled up im just saying 🤷‍♀️

TALK TO ME NICEEEEEE 😫😫😫 omg ikr i love the line real bad n it just fits toji so well like ??? IMSO GLADDDDYOU LIKE ITTTTTT i was so close to scrapping it but we pulled through 🙇‍♀️

two more lines away from touching yourself HELPPPPPDPDGGG

omg thank you pookie this lowkey brightened my day i appreciate it commentary forever n always ☹️☹️☹️💟💟💟💟💟

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ sunrise in versailles (part 2) (chapter 14)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 7k (pretty long 4 me!)

warnings- this chapter was really emotional for me to write, theres content warnings that go beyond the usual. If you are sensitive to certain topics and feel that reading stories triggers you, please don't read this. beside from that, theres swearing, smut, drinking, angst. this is a long one.....pls dont hate me after this

a/n- Hi sweethearts ahhh ive been slacking with my content and I apologize, i am working on a drabble/oneshot for you guys and its pretty long, I tend to get distracted easily so its taking longer than expected, hate to neglect my current story. Hope u enjoy! -Nini

"go stand over there"

You embarrassingly looked back at your boyfriend, his large camera in his hand as he pointed you over to a statue

"noo"

"just do it, cmon you look cute" he smiled and teasingly pushed you over before holding his camera up. "smile"

You fixed your hair and your hat, smiling brightly as taehyung took your photo. "You look beautiful" he chuckled, reviewing the picture. "definitely the prettiest artwork here"

"shut up" you nudged him, hiding your face in his chest before you began walking around the museum again.

Your hands were locked in together, eyes widening at every amazing piece of art you came across. "you know....I wouldnt be surprised if one day your paintings were in here"

"you think?" he smiled, amused

"mhm, no doubt."

He kissed your temple, hand now resting on the small of your back before weaving your way through a small crowd.

"I am already thinking of my next piece, you know?"

You raised an eyebrow, giggling "yeah? what is it?"

Taehyung laughed, spinning around to look back at you, "thats for me to know and you to find out"

"oh here we go..." you roll your eyes, laughing at the boys antics.

You had to admit, so far things were perfect. The only thing you had to focus on was Taehyung and Paris, to say you were content was an understatement.

"so...I was thinkingggg" he dragged out his words, eyes glancing to you as you walked into a room full of naked statues

"yes?"

"tonight. dinner, you and me, La Veranda's"

You blush, circling around the exhibit "am I supposed to know what La Veranda's is?"

Taehyung circles and meets you around one of the statues, a cheeky smile apparent. "La Veranda, its a restaurant not too far from the hotel. my treat"

"hmm" you took one of his hands "sound fun to me"

"just because im paying?"

"no!" you giggle, tapping his shoulder "I wanna have fun with you, it sounds good, even if Im not the biggest fan of french cuisine."

"oh we will have fun alright"

"okay bye" you jokingly turned away and walked into another room, small laughs heard behind you as taehyung caught up. "Im teasing, yes it sounds really good, thank you angel" you pressed a peck to his cheek, hands entwining once more.

"mm" he groaned, not satisfied with such a small kiss, his other hand tilting your head back to meet his lips.

"ever had Museum sex?"

"are you like permanently horny?" you giggled, pushing away and making sure no one heard.

"well yes, and so are you, so shut up" he smirked, "and sex isnt taboo here, Paris is like the sex symbol of all countries"

"No one has ever said that"

"theres nude beaches!"

"taehyung thats just Europe, people here are comfortable with themselves" you giggle, shrugging.

"okay but imagine going to a beach, nude, in Korea"

"I dont wanna imagine it, because it doesn't sound appealing. Here or there"

He laughs, taking a picture of a large painting in front of you, "im just saying...."

"saying that its okay to be horny in Versailles?"

"exactlyyy" he finger pointed before linking arms with you. "ready?"

You nod, smiling as you two exit what has to be your 4th museum of the day. You werent expecting this to be as fun as it was, perhaps it was taehyung who made it 10x more enjoyable.

"are you gonna get mad if I grab a beer over there?" he pointed to a small pub that stood along the open street of stores and bakeries, the smell was unimaginably good.

"my love you don't have to be sober just because I am, of course you can grab a drink" you explained, walking across the street with him.

He sighed, "ok but I feel bad, you cant even have coffee?"

"nope" you smile sadly, fidgeting with his hand as you sat in line with him.

His eyes looked around the area until it landed on a bakery, "ok well after this, I'll go over and grab you a hot chocolate and croissant"

"how incredibly french" you giggled, laying your head against his shoulder

"oui" he spoke, beginning to laugh

"oh I didnt know you spoke french" you tease

"theres a lot you dont know, Madam" he spoke in an accent, pulling his wallet out to pay for his beer

Once you two settled, you caught a cab over to Tuileries Garden, where surprisingly there was not many people around. You both sat down on chairs and embraced the warm welcoming sunshine that pressed against your skin.

"shouldve brought sunscreen huh?" you whisper, looking over at taehyung

"mm...I dont burn"

"you said that last summer when we went to the beach with your friends, you cam home looking like a lobster." You hid a giggle, watching him with loving eyes

"nooo" he blushed "that was only that one time, im fine"

"if you say so" you yawned, leaning down in the recliner as you looked up at the sky, beautiful trees surrounding the small hidden area you were in.

Paris was such a stimulating place to be, your mind could be draped away from all the hell youve been stressing out with, for once you felt like you were just living, is this how normal people felt?

Part of you wished this would never end, that you and Taehyung would plant your feet in the ground of this very spot and grow old together in one of the most romantic places in the world. Maybe it was the hot chocolate you had earlier, but this place had healing properties.

Taehyungs eyes stayed glued to your body as you laid, unaware.

He was unable to help the smile that stuck to his face, seeing his best friend, the love of his life, finally look at peace brought a great sense of comfort to him. You looked so beautiful, and he wanted to capture every moment with you for himself. He was greedy, and didnt care.

Without saying anything, he pulled his camera out of his bag and began taking photos of you

"what are you doing?" you giggled, blushing

"youre so pretty, baby" he walked over to your chair, propping himself up at the end of it.

"dont take photos of me right now please" you pout, hiding your face as he comes up and lightly hovers you

"when will you just let me love you, hm?" his voice was soft, humor within it.

"I just dont want my photo taken" you look up at him

"these are for me, no one else." he pressed a kiss to your neck, whispering "I want to just remember everything we do together"

You smiled at his sweetness, a hand coming up to tangle into his hair as you pressed a kiss to his lips, he quickly reciprocated, a small chuckle.

With a swift movement, he got up and pulled you with him, encouraging you to hold onto his back.

"what if I hurt you?" you blush

"youre not gonna, now cmon" he smiled, holding your legs as you climbed to his back. He began walking around as your arms draped around his shoulders, head resting against them.

"taehyung" you hummed, fingers delicatley tracing his shirt

"hm?"

"promise me we will come back here?"

He chuckled, "baby, its our first day-"

"I mean...like...later in life. promise that we will still find time for us?"

He sighed at your words, "of course we will, are you worried that we wont?"

"well, with the baby and stuff...I dont know I guess." you close your eyes "I just dont want things to change"

A sad smile appeared on his face, "things have to change, and they are most definitely going to for us." he paused "doesnt mean its a bad change, not all things are bad, my love....its part of life"

You nodded, kissing his nape gently. "I just love you so much, and I dont want anything to happen to us."

"why do you think something will happen? im here for you, now, tomorrow, next month and forever. you cant ditch me" he smiled.

"I dont know..." you blushed, leaning your head back down as taehyung piggybacked you through the small trail.

There was more you wanted to say, but you had not wanted to worry him. Despite things going well right now, you anticipated the fall, you anticipated when all of this happiness and euphoric excitement would disappear...because it always did. Life was a little too good to be true.

its like you knew something bad was coming, and all you can do is wait.

-

Taehyung was sitting on the bed, waiting for you to exit the bathroom so you both could head to dinner. He nervously adjusted his shirt, he could laugh at how silly he felt, it was like he was a high schooler getting ready for prom or something.

He couldnt explain why, but he had the urge to just spoil you, impress you in anyway he knew how.

His own mind had been plaguing him for a while now, that perhaps once the baby arrives, you will realize hes not fit for it, and leave.

So here he was, offering every limb he had to bend over backwards for anything you wanted. Taehyung would give up everything just to keep you, and he hoped you saw it.

"okay, tell me what you think of this one" you exited the bathroom finally, after changing your outfit for the 4th time

He swallowed harshly, his eyes shooting over every part of you

"is it bad?" you whispered, blushing as your hands trailed over the sickly black cocktail dress....definitely something out of your comfort zone, but you bought it before the trip as a surprise for taehyung, you knew he liked to see you wear things like that.

"you look..." he mentally told himself to stop acting creepy "absolutely gorgeous"

You blushed once more, pushing your hair back as you walked closer to him. He couldnt deny the fact that the dress hugged every inch of your skin perfectly, your cleavage was definitely something he'd have to remind himself to not oggle at out in public, he was a gentleman after all...

"you think..?"

He nodded, his cheeks red as he pulled you closer to him, hands resting on your hips before running over your bump, "my love, are you trying to kill me?"

You giggle softly, pressing your hands over his as he looked up at you "you look really handsome, baby" you bit your lip

"thank you but....look at you, god"

You giggle once more, gently sitting on his lap as he kissed your neck and collar bones, "oh and you smell good?" his nose inhaled the scent of your skin, a sense of desire coursing through you at his touch. "people are gonna see us out in public and wonder what a pretty girl like you is doing with me" he teased, mouth kissing over your low chest line.

"taehyung" you whisper, hands gently stopping him. "If we dont leave now I dont think we will be able to stop ourselves"

He laughed, "im sorry y/n, youre right." he gently stood, holding your hand, "stand here for me" he pointed to in front of the mirror as he grabbed his camera and stood behind you, his free hand on your bump as he captured the reflection.

"lets go, sweet girl" he pecked your lips before heading out the hotel room with you.

You didnt know it yet, but tonight would be one of the best nights youve had in your life.

-

"I am most certainly not eating snail...knock yourself out" you laughed, passing over the plate to your boyfriend who eagerly took a piece and sniffed it

"its escargo, to be technical" he corrected, popping it in his mouth and nodding.

"same thing, thats so gross" you whisper, looking away

The atmosphere of the restaurant was quiet and peaceful, it was late now and so the beautiful string lights hung up on the outdoor patio illuminated the area.

"for real though, how is the food?" he smiled, taking a sip of his wine.

"its so good, I am not usually one for french food but this...this is good" you pointed down at your Gratin d’aubergine, which, in simpler terms is just grilled eggplant with melted cheese and tomato sauce, topped with chopped veggies.

Taehyung originally encouraged you to get the same he got, which was the shellfish dish, until you reminded him that pregnant women shouldnt have shellfish.

"how do you know all of this already?" he teased, taking a bite of his food as the candle light in front of you lit up the table.

"lotttts of research, mostly anxiety driven" you chuckle, looking back at him.

He smiled shyly, wiping his mouth and looking at the view of the city, sky now blanketing darkness.

"what are you thinking about?" you rested your head on the palm of your hand

"dunno" he smirked, "just..how you are already doing so good with everything...like you have it all figured out"

You giggle, "you think I have i figured out?"

"well I mean, you know all this stuff about the baby and, here I was, about to feed you fish like an idiot" he exhaled

"hey.." you reached out to hold his hand over the table, soft eyes in his direction. "I dont have a choice, its my body and I need to know how to protect it and shit" you add, "youre not an idiot for not knowing something baby, you are doing so well" you whisper

He blushed and rubbed his thumb against your joined hands, "im really scared"

"and thats perfectly okay...we have time to get comfy before anything happens. I mean, look, you already cleared your room so we could store all the baby stuff in there, you know what your doing my love, im scared too, and im so glad you told me"

"everything happened so quick I feel like I was thrown into a role that I know nothing about. Im excited, like...really excited, but im so worried of messing up" he admits

"hey, messing up is part of life, we all have our ups and downs. we will not be the first parents to probably have a mistake here and there, and we most certainly wont be the last either." your voice was quiet, "and plus...the fact that you even care right now is more than enough."

He nodded gently, squeezing your hand as the waitress came over and asked for our ideas on dessert, you spoke to her as taehyung watched, his eyes tracing every inch of you carefully, so desperatley wishing he could climb into your mind and figure out everything you ever wanted, so he could provide that to you.

The way your hand naturally fell over your stomach as you spoke to the woman made him smile, you were already a great mother, and he only prayed he would fulfill the dad role. He wondered in that moment how your own dad could leave you when you were young. The feelings taehyung has for you but not only your child that isnt even born yet is so incredibly strong, he could never in a million years imagine trading it for some other thing that passes along.

And he assumed you had reservations about taehyung possibly being like your dad, given that your times with men growing up always failed you, he wanted to prove that he was the best. Taehyung was the best. Perhaps it was cocky thinking, but he truly knew you inside and out like no other, even before romantic feelings became involved.

He knows that you like to sleep on the right side of the bed, always, no matter what.

He knows that you have 2 cups of hot coffee every morning, then an iced in the afternoon, and he knows that its always that french vanilla creamer you use as well.

He even knows your showering routine, wash and condition hair, shave, scrub body and rinse, but you always stay in there for an extra 20 minutes as your Spotify shuffles songs.

Hell...he even knows when your damn period is. He downloaded the app for you!

The man knows what you are, who you are, and highly doubts anyone else can do the job.

Your foot gently nudged against his ankle underneath the table, a small smirk on your face brought him back to reality.

"footsies in the french restaurant?" he asked, faking shock

A small giggle escaped your lips, "I ordered dessert"

"hm?"

"creme caramel...I dont know if you are a fan or not-"

"that sounds delicious" he smiled, reaching over to grab your hands as he admired you

"you have a tendency to stare, you know?"

He smiled shyly, "sorry, i'll stop"

"no its cute...I just get embarrassed" you spoke

"embarrassed of what? we've known each other forever and pretty girl still gets shy...."

You hid your face, cheeks bright pink "well yeah....because you look at me like that"

"like what?"

"like you are thinking of not appropriate things" you said matter of factly, looking back at him

"thats cause I am" he smirked, foot rubbing against your calve

You darted your eyes down to the beige table cloth, that familiar arousal sitting in the center of your stomach as you bit your lip amusingly.

He opened his mouth to speak but stopped once the waitress placed the desserts on the table, your eyes grew wide like a little girl in a candy shop unsupervised.

"wait dont dig in yet, I wanna picture" you mumble, pulling your phone out and snapping it

"now whos the one whos photographing everything?"

You giggle, "Stop, dont tell me that doesn't look delicious.."

his eyes looked at you as you put your phone in your purse, "it does"

Once you began eating, you both awed over how flavorful it was, wishing that you knew how to bake better so you could replicate such desserts back in Korea.

"annie bakes" he teased

"do not bring her name up here!" you nudged him, "I dont care if she bakes food, you know what else she bakes? drama! a whole lot of it!" you smile, shaking your head as you went in for another bite

"I know" he nods, drinking his water "we really dont have friends huh?"

"nope" you laughed, looking at him as you sucked on the fork, "we have each other though"

"you're not sick of me yet?" he tilted his head, humor within his voice

"never.."

You guys spent the rest of the night talking and bringing up funny stories and memories as you finished dessert. You do admit that having a glass or two of wine would have been enjoyable, but you could get buzzed of taehyung alone. As you two left the restaurant, it began to rain slightly

"oh shit, I didn't bring jackets" he frowned, standing at the entry of the door as you both watch the rain fall, the pace and heaviness picking up. He wanted to see if there was any stores close so you could grab an umbrella or coverings, but t was already 10pm, so most places were closed for the night.

"we dont need em!" you giggle, running down the steps and into the rain, hair beginning to dampen.

He looked at you in shock for a moment before running after you, a gleam in his eyes as you grabbed his hand, running down the sidewalk together.

"wait!" you laugh, holding onto his shoulder as you lean forward to untie your heel laces, sliding the shoes off and holding them so you could begin to run again.

It was just like a movie, you felt so much joy in that moment that you didnt even care you were soaked, the fullness feeling in your stomach from how much you ate now an afterthought.

The wide street was empty, most people ran indoors for cover while you pulled him close, he gasped softly and kissed you, rain beginning to pick up even more so.

You laughed against his lips, "i love you"

"I love you too" he spun you around before beginning to run again, at this point, both of you were drenched without a care in the world.

"im having so much fun!" you yell over the loud ambience of the water pouring, he squeezed your hand and nodded, keeping up with your pace "me too!"

It was like you both had transported back to the age of 14, when there were a few times you both would run home after school in the rain.

He hasnt seen you so happy in so long, he didnt want this to end.

"baby we should call a cab!" you lean into his ear, moving damp hair out of your face

"mm" he nodded, ignoring what you said, standing under an overhead of a closed building as he pulled you closer, lips connecting again.

Your arms draped over his shoulders as you quite literally made out in public. If someone saw, you didnt care.

His lips attacked that sensitive spot on your neck, making you gasp softly, eyes fluttering shut before hands grabbed onto his shirt.

"l-lets go back to the room" you managed to mutter, lips on his once more as your tongues met.

when in France, you french kiss, right?

"good idea" he mumbled against your mouth before reluctantly pulling away to grab his phone that luckily was tucked safely in his dry bag.

He called a taxi and waited with you until it arrived.

Climbing into the backseat, you quickly told the driver the address to the hotel and paid him in advance, shutting the door behind you.

The driver nodded and began to drive, the dark atmosphere of the car only tempted taehyung more so, his hand climbing to your inner thigh as you kissed in the back seat, your own hands roaming over him as well.

You were compelled to press sweet kisses all over the boys face, noticing even in the dark, that your lipstick made its marks.

It felt like it took forever to get back, but he was the first one out, almost dragging you out the cab behind him.

You made sure to thank the driver again as you rushed inside, the two of you giggling like little kids while running through the lobby.

"where the key?" you whisper in the elevator, hands digging into his bag

"bottom pocket, left side zipper" he looked down, watching you find it and take it out.

Wandering the hall, you both shushed eachother "we are being way too loud" you whisper, giggling at his sarcastic face as he pulled you into the doorway of your room.

"i dont care" he shrugged, pulling you in and shutting the door.

The room's AC was on, goosebumps quickly scattering over your skin as you exhaled, a smile on your face as you followed him over to the bed.

Taehyung smiled as well, dropping his back and shoes in the corner of the room before slowly coming over, leaning down to kiss you again. "mm...you still taste like caramel"

You giggled, "baby look in the mirror" you pointed him away as he caught a glance of his reflection, your lipstick marks covering his cheeks, nose, forehead and lips. "jesus christ" he mumbled, smirking

"what did you do to me?" he teased, coming back to the bed as you laughed, holding your stomach. "oh its funny?" he giggled, gently crawling over you and shutting you up with another kiss, which deepened quickly.

"yknow..." he began "took a lot in me to not touch you at that resteraunt"

His confession made you blush, your hands already working on unbuttoning his white shirt, now completely drenched in rain. "yeah?"

"mm" he kissed your neck, sucking on the skin as he assisted you by taking his own shirt off, tossing it somewhere off the bed.

"very respectful.." you mumble, now trying to undo his pants, eyes connected to his.

"you dont even realize how fucking sexy you are" he spoke, tossing away his pants as well before he was left in just his boxers...now it was his turn to begin to undress you.

The soft, beige pale light illuminated the room, glowing on taehyungs tan skin, something that you noticed quickly. "im not that sexy" you blush, his hand slowly and gently pushing the straps of your dress off your shoulders, so careful, almost as if he would break you.

"oh but you are, baby...god look at you"

He pulled down the dress, taking it off of you and being more gentle when he put it away, knowing it was expensive. His eyes widened at your red lingerie you had on beneath, the lace catching his attention. "is this for me?" he giggled, "so honored" he kissed you deeply before trailing his lips to your neck and chest.

You blushed again as you watched him make his way down to your stomach, stopping for a moment to press kisses all over your bump. You know he saw the stretch marks, something you had grown self conscious about, but he didn't say anything, instead he continued to touch you like glass, moving in ways that brought you love and comfort. "dont take the bra off, I wanna watch you cum in it"

You felt your body heat up at his sudden vulgar words, "o-okay" you whispered, glancing back down at him as he tried to move closer to your center. His hands gently pried open your thighs more, lips attaching to the inner skin quickly."wait...baby" you exhale, making him stop.

"hm?"

"You dont need to do that, im ready, just please...." you hated how needy you sounded, but it was true. You didnt need him to do anything extra other than just make love to you, you were desperate for that connection, desperate for the intimacy and close faces.

"are you sure...?" he seemed confused, eyebrows raised as his hand lightly grazed over your clothed slit, thumb slightly pressing onto your clit making you gasp

"yeah...uh, yeah, im sure" you mumble, shyly.

He smirked, pressed one last kiss to your navel before crawling back up to your face, his hands fidgeted with his own boxers before sliding them off, his cock erect as he stroked himself a few times.

You watched, biting your lip before taking off your own underwear, his gaze on your lower half making you smile.

"oh wow, you are ready" he whispered, two of his fingers gently gliding through your slick, making you whimper,

"please...just, dont tease...." you mumble, arms thrown over his shoulders "I need you so bad"

"i know baby, I know" he leaned down to kiss you when he felt a tear drop from your eye. "did I do something wrong?" he immediately pulled away "what happened my love?"

You shook your head, "I just love you" you were embarrassed again, but didnt care about being vulnerable "dont go" you whisper

Taehyung was a little confused, but chose to simply wipe your eyes, pressing a delicate kiss to your lips as he grasped your hand, "im...im not going anywhere...you have me, im here, forever okay?" he spoke close to your ear. "I love you so much"

"I love you...." you looked at him with sad eyes, obviously more to the emotions than just hormones. "do you want to stop?" he questioned softly

"no, please no"

"okay" he exhaled, kissing you again when you pulled him closer, chests touching.

He dragged his cock through your folds, gathering wetness before beginning to press in. No matter how many times you both have done it, he checked up to your face, "are you okay?"

You gasped at the intrusion, waiting until he bottomed out to speak, "yes....oh.." you laid your head back against the pillow as he carefully grasped a hand on your hip bone, the other entwined with your fingers. Taehyungs head found its cozy spot between your shoulder and ear, kissing the skin as he set a gentle and slow-ish pace, making sure you were okay with it.

Its you, youre you, and he couldnt ask for anything better because it simply doesnt exist. He restrained any instinct to just ruin you and go quicker, knowing that in this moment going slow was what you both needed

"you feel so good" his voice was raspy, any confidence he had was now out the window as he pushed deeper inside, your velvety walls soaking up every inch of his cock perfectly.

"baby..." you moan, eyes closed. It was just maybe one of the prettiest sounds he had ever heard, you were like an angel. How is it possible for one woman to be so perfect in every way?

He felt your fingers dig deeper into his back, your lower body squirming slightly. "here...." he whispered, bunching up a blanket and putting it under you so he could hit a different angle.

When he continued thrusting, you arched your back at the contact. Whatever he was looking for, mission success.

"ahh-...baby, please" you whimper, mouth falling open as your moans filled the hotel room, the sounds of sweaty bodies moving against each other filling your ears.

"so pretty for me huh? always so beautiful, my girl" his voice echoed through your body, mindlessly filling your senses and bringing you out of the earth.

He moved up a bit, pressing his elbows on either side of your head as he leaned down, your faces nearly touching as you cupped his cheeks. "I love you so much, fuck, you treat me so well...." your eyes closed in pleasure, taehyung watching you unravel beneath him was such a pretty sight.

His hand snaked down between your bodies and eagerly rubbed your clit, an entirely different pace from the slow one he used to thrust you into the mattress.

"taehyung!" you tossed your head back, clawing at his skin as you tried your best to keep your moans in. Taehyung dove down to kiss your cleavage, licking a stripe between your breasts.

It took a few more times of his dick dragging into your g-spot before he had you cumming. You moaned into his shoulder, for a moment you believed you would pass out from what might have been the best orgasm you ever had. You definitely loved any sex with Taehyung, but slow and sensual always did it the best for you.

"can you hold out a lil longer baby?" he panted into your neck, continuing to move despite your sensitivity.

"yes..." you spoke, breathless as you grabbed into his hair, kissing his skin as he chased his high.

"ah f-fuck" he groaned, halting his movements as he spilled into you "god baby, i....fuck" Tae whimpered

you immediately pulled him closer to lay on your chest, "love you..."

"love you" he held your hand, both of you catching your breath from what just happened.

"that was really nice" his voice made you open your eyes, looking at him

"it was.." you couldn't help but smile as you watched him begin to pull out, you could feel his semen leaking between your legs. "maybe we should shower..." you giggled tiredly.

-

After you both cleaned up, you tossed on a new set of bra and underwear, getting back into the comfy bedsheets before he came out of the bathroom not too long after, a new pair of boxers around him.

"dont come into the bed with wet hair, you freak" you joke, watching him smile as he whips his head around like a dog, the water splattering all over the room.

"thanks..." you groan, sinking down further under the covers as he shuts the light off.

"you're so welcome" he climbed under the bedsheets and held you close to him, his gentle smooth skin brushing against yours. "today was really fun"

You smiled, holding him as well. "it was, thank you for everything...like seriously"

He gazed at you lovingly, his hand playing with your semi-damp hair. "you dont have to thank me, you know....I just"

wanna give you my world

"wanna make you happy"

You smiled, tracing his face with your fingers, "i already am"

"yeah?"

"mm" you leaned forward to kiss him, he still tasted like toothpaste after just brushing his teeth but you didnt care.

Once you fell asleep in his arms, he covered you both up more with the blanket as he kissed your temple, "my girl" he whispered, closing his eyes before drifting off.

-

The next morning

It was still raining, but that didnt stop taehyung from waking up early and heading out while you still laid in bed, sleeping peacfully.

He wanted to surprise you

Taehyung politely spoke to the florist, explaining what he wanted as she went to prepare the flowers for him. He smiled and leaned against the window, watching how the rain gathered in small puddles on the side of the street, car tires splashing into them.

"here you go Monsieur"

He turned to see the bouquet of purple and pink flowers, tied together beautifully with a teal ribbon

"ah! Merci!" he bowed his head, handing her the cash before he exited back to the hotel. He stopped in the lobby and found his way to the food court, which was rather full of business men and women eating breakfast. He smiled, passing by the tables until reaching the large pick and choose food area.

He knew you liked fruit, so he grabbed a Styrofoam container and began putting them into it.

that was your number one craving at the moment, strawberries, so he packed extra, along with a small bagel.

There was no occasion for his sudden desire to show you love, he just felt like it, and thought that maybe you had been dealing with some negative thoughts after seeing your behavior the day prior.

The goal wasnt to get you to talk to him, more so an act of saying "hey, im always here, love you" and shit.

He gathered everything up, including a hot tea, as he got into the elevator. He was nervous of dropping something, mentally praising that your room number wasnt far from where the elevator dropped off.

Placing the container and tea on the floor, he pulled out the key card and opened the door, quickly grabbing them again and walking in. A quick scan of his eyes traced the room to confirm you werent in the small kitchen area.

"whew.." he smiled, putting the flowers and food down onto the counter as he took his shoes off, hanging up his coat that was still wet from the rain.

"baby?" he whispered, walking over to the bedroom.

You werent in bed, and he frowned, looking around as to see where you might be.

"y/n?" he called out softly

When there was no response he frowned, finally walking more into the room and seeing that the bathroom light was on, door closed.

"ah..there you are" he nodded, deciding that he had time to go back out to the kitchen space and set up his little gifts.

He placed a note he wrote to you inside the flowers, opening the fruit up and placing them nicely together. He smiled knowing you would probably yell at him for going and doing this despite there being no occasion.

You hated when he made a fuss about silly things, but thats who taehyung was.

He eagerly sat down at the table and waited for you, anticipating the moment you walk out, however after about 15 minutes he began to get impatient.

Walking back into the room to see that you were still in the bathroom slightly concerned him, "hey..." he spoke up, knocking on the door. "baby? you okay? im back"

there was no response

"you in there?" he asked again, voice louder as he knocked once more. He placed his ear to the door and listened for any signs you were on the other side, a clearing of your throat confirming it for him.

"baby open the door why arent you answering me?" he smiled, "are you mad I left without telling you? I promise it was for a good reason, come on out my love...."

He heard slow shuffling and then heard the door unlock, allowing his access to enter.

He slowly opened the door, pushing on the handle to see you sitting on the floor, back against the tub. You were crying, face red and eyes swollen.

Taehyung quickly entered panic mod "w-whats wrong?" he kneeled in front of you, grabbing your hands as you sobbed, tears soaking your shirt. "y/n please! what happened!!"

You struggled to catch your breath as you closed your eyes, taehyung holding your face in his hands. "I need you to talk to me...please, breathe, explain whats happening so I can help!"

His nerves were growing quickly each moment you remained silent.

With a hiccup, you opened your eyes and spoke, voice trembling.

"i lost the baby..."

you managed to speak before beginning to sob again.

Taehyungs hands fell from your face, his expression changing as he went pale. "what...you what?" he whispered, eyes on you. It wasnt until then when you moved your legs that he noticed that your underwear had been stained with blood, and the towel on the side of the toilet was too.

"oh....oh baby" he whispered, immediately pulling you into his chest as he cried. He felt like he was no longer in his own body at this point, as if this wasn't happening and he was watching it from afar.

Bad things like this dont happen to people like you.

"oh im so sorry my love" he held you tightly as loud sobs wrecked your frame "oh....I dont know what to do, are you...are you sure? we dont know....?" his voice trembled heavily as he gained courage to look back at you

You shook your head, voice quiet, "I just know...I just know" you cried as you looked down to see the blood everywhere, Taehyung quickly pulling you back into his arms. "im so sorry, baby...oh my god im so fucking sorry honey" his hand cradled your head as he slightly swayed back and forth.

He felt helpless, completely defenseless as you sat there in his arms sobbing. What could he possibly do or say to save you from this? how do you go from being on top of the world to falling overnight? its not fair.

"i-i tried to call" you choked out, your hands trembling.

He feels like the worlds biggest fucking loser.

"ah....angel....I left my phone here didnt I? baby...." he cried, trying to hold you again but you pulled back, wincing as your back rested against the wall. "y/n im so sorry, I dont even know what to do..."

You closed your eyes, chest growing tight with grief. "I wanted it so badly" you whispered, "I wanted it.....i really did I promise" you cry

"I know you did baby, I know you did! I wanted it too y/n" he couldnt stand seeing you like this, knowing the amount of pain you were feeling made him physically ill.

"taehyung im sorry" you covered your face before wrapping your arms around yourself defensively, "I dont....I dont know what happened...I woke up and felt sick....I threw up and then started cramping, I thought I was fine but then I saw blood and it just...." you sobbed, banging your fist against the wall "fuck!"

"dont you dare apologize, this isnt your fault, you hear me?" he got close, grabbing your hand "this is not our fault."

"I wanted it" you repeat, hand rubbing over your stomach sadly, still not processing that this was over before it even started. "mommy is sorry...." you whisper

Taehyung feels his heart break into five million pieces, he swallows harshly and wipes his eyes. "you did everything right...I promise....sometimes these things happen, and God, i am so sorry my love, so, so, sorry...." he rubbed your leg.

"i was so excited....I was just accepting it and....its over...its not fair!!" you look at him desperately, knowing theres nothing neither of you can do.

"I know....hey, I know..." he soothed you, his own stomach churning at the sight in front of him. "I shouldnt have left....Im sorry baby" he cried, leaning forward to rest his head on your small bump, tears falling against your skin.

You both stayed like that for a while, taehyung sat up after a bit, red eyes looking at you as you sat, your expression was blank.

You stopped crying. you were absently looking at the wall.

"y/n" he whispered, hand holding your cheek to bring attention back to him

"hm?" your eyes slowly traced back, looking at taehyung.

"l-let me clean you up....get in bed and rest, okay?"

You dont respond, instead you let him carefully strip you from your clothing, watching as he cleaned you with wet towels. He was silently crying while doing so.

He figured you were too tired to get in the bath, so he used a few facecloths and wet wipes to make sure you were clean.

He grabbed a shirt and pants, helping you get dressed as you remained still like a doll.

There was nothing to say.

You lost your baby.

no amount of crying or screaming would return it to you.

Taehyung tossed the towels and dirty clothes aside, standing up and reaching down to help you up as well.

Your body shook as you did so, hands and legs trembling as he held you, whispering "I know....I know....." he kissed your forehead before carrying you out to the room, laying you on the bed. He then noticed the dried blood spot from earlier on the mattress.

He sighed and covered it with the pillows as you sat on the opposite side, blankets being brought up over your body.

He didnt know what to say, so he simply walked back into the bathroom to clean the floor.

He wanted to vomit, the grief struck into his chest was too much for him and as he wiped up blood and dirty laundry, he wept.

You laid in bed, body sore and head pounding. You couldnt sleep, so you didnt try. Your eyes just stayed looking up at the ceiling, silently asking God why this happened to you. You watched taehyung quietly walk out of the bathroom, he made his way to the kitchen without saying a word.

He tossed the laundry in a bin, stopping for a moment while he was alone, breathing shakily.

He looked over at the gifts he set up prior to the incident. The fruit was now turning rotten from being left out in the air. He blew his nose before going and throwing the container away.

The guilt in his chest will eat him alive for the rest of his life.

He should have been here.

Yeah, he may not have been able to stop it, but he couldve sat you through it....

instead, you sat alone and confused on the floor as it happened, trying to call him over and over again.

He exhaled as he grabbed his phone that sat on the counter since early this morning, opening the texts.

my love: hey....where r u? - 6:23am

he frowned, scrolling down

my love : baby please come home, where did u go? - 6:27am

One missed call from "My Love" - 6:30am

He teared up as he read them

My love: taehyung... something is wrong with the baby I think.. please hurry I dont feel good, im scared - 6:38am

He tossed down his phone and took a deep breath before peaking back to the bedroom, he slowly walked in and spoke

"are you okay?"

He knew it was a dumb question, obviously you weren't okay, and wont be for a long time.

You shrugged, watching him before he climbed into the bed beside you.

Your arms welcomed your boyfriend, pulling him closer as he laid his head in your chest. "are you in pain?"

You shook your head, too exhausted to use words.

"can I do anything?" he sniffed, looking at you sadly

You shook your head once more, unable to look down at his face, instead, focusing your eyes at the wall across the room.

Taehyung gave up, settling to just lay and hold and cry and comfort you for however long you needed.

His mind raced back to the night he held you in this exact way, when you admitted you were pregnant.

Same scared feeling, different emotions, different outcome.

What scared him the most is that he really, truly, doesn't know if they will bounce back after this.

Something so.....traumatic.

You missed out on so many adventures and its not fair. No gender reveal, no feeling the baby kicks, no painting the nursery, nothing.....no baby.

It was like you wheel of fortune had been blocked off, now you sat in the road with no ways to turn, no where to go, nothing to say.

How do people move on from this?

They dont.

a/n: sorry....

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[mothdogs]

⭐️ 10 Comfort Movies ⭐️

(Tagged by @thequeerestdad ! Thanks! Also no particular order on these)

1. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - I mean, it’s the one with the whales, how could I not include it? It’s just so feel-good. The found family, the now-vintage sets and clothing, the humor, the environmentalist message—you can really feel the love that Leonard Nimoy put into directing this movie. ♥️

2. The Emperor’s New Groove - Of any movie, this one reminds me of childhood good times with my younger brothers, laying on the carpet before the tiny tv in our den and rewinding the VHS as we watched this over and over. I can still recite every line.

3. Galaxy Quest - God I love this movie. The best non-Star Trek Star Trek there is. Even though he’s a shithead IRL, I feel very warmly about Tim Allen’s characters due to growing up watching Home Improvement and The Santa Clause with my pops. This movie has such a sweet core that it never loses sight of and was clearly made by people who love the genre and actors they’re teasing.

4. Zoolander - Idiotic humor at its finest. You just can’t help but root for Derek 😭 Also quote this one constantly with my bestie.

5. Howl’s Moving Castle - This is my and my partner’s go-to comfort movie for when we’re feeling ill or stressed. Sophie’s world and the inside of the castle are designed with such care, and I love watching Howl and Sophie connect and grow together.

6. The Secret World of Arietty - My favorite Ghibli film. Arietty’s story constantly delights me with its details, colors, and characters. And though the course of most of the story is sad, I love its hopeful ending.

7. Fried Green Tomatoes - As a true-blooded southerner, this one just reminds me of my roots. The accents are so cozy. I love Idgie and Ruth and the beautiful little life they build together. Kathy Bates is a delight here too.

8. O Brother, Where Art Thou? - The soundtrack of this movie has been one of my mainstays for damn near 10 years now. I first watched it during a classics class in undergrad where we compared it to the Odyssey. Those were good times in my life that I like remembering.

9. Star Trek 2009 - Jokes about lens flares aside, I will always appreciate this movie. It was my introduction to Star Trek and one of the first things I bonded over with people who are now some of my closest friends. Chris Pine as Kirk is my golden boy forever, I love him so much 🥺

10. The Silence of the Lambs - Cozy in a way that feels like coming home after a long day and putting my feet up. I must have watched it a dozen times by now. Despite the horrific subject matter, I love every inch and angle of this movie. Clarice and Hannibal are some of my favorite characters in fiction.

Gonna tag some folks! Feel free to ignore - @blissandbookstores @likesirensinthenight @sunnibits @egirlgarak @lilydvoratrelundar

[queerlordsimon]

prompt list 2

1. “Getting sleepy arent we?”

2. “Im not going anywhere”

3. “You dont have to pretend, not with me, ever.”

4. “You have my full attention”

5. “Dont blame me, love made me crazy”

6. “Call me, i miss you”

7. “Are you flirting with me?”

8. “Do me a favour and lose my number”

9. “I have a surprise for you”

10. “Im up for the challenge”

11. “They deserve better

12. “You look really good in my sweater”

13. “Wait, let me walk you home”

14. “You call it murder, i call it a conversation starter”

15. “You look really cute when your half asleep like this”

16. “Your lips are really warm”

17. "your enough, your always enough."

18. "a promise is a promise"

19. "if i could stay here with you forever, i would"

20. "your hands are warm"

21. "oh stop pouting, im coming"

22, "you know i only tease you because i love you"

23. "this is MY circus and those are MY monkey's"

24. "alright, thats it, your bloodline ends here!"

25. "how did you end up way out here?"

26. "How long have you been wearing those clothes?”

27. “Dont worry, nothings gonna get you”

28. “I really want to kiss you right now”

29. “I feel like everyone just forgot i exist”

30 “i know this hurts, but you have to stay awake”

31 “you’re playing my game now”

32 “were not just friends and you fucking know it”

33 “shut your mouth before i shut it for you”

34 “dont give me space. Thats the last thing i want from you”

35 “stop freaking out, you’re making me freak out! And im the level headed one of the house”

36 “i cant believe you dragged me into this”

37 “im sick of being USELESS”

38 “did you get any sleep last night?”

39 “prove it”

40 “you dont have to say you love me, no one means it anyways.”

41 “small fire! I said small fire! This is not small”

42 “were you jealous?”

43 “dont you ever try to get in my head, its too dark for you”

44 “please dont leave me”

45 “will you stay with me tonight?”

46 “ive got you, its going to be okay, your going to be okay.”

47 “your a terrible liar”

48 “i wish i could sleep”

49 “you’ve got heart kid. Several hearts, honestly, im a little scared of you”

50 “do you trust me?”

[crunchkind]

Magi is my absolute favourite anime of all time, i watched it for the first time when i was like 14 and has loved it ever since. It's hella cool to find someone who draws it, i used to have a pinterest board for just magi fanart, your stuff should've totally been on there! Anyways, what are your fave characters and why?

I read that at first with just like a few words in there and I was contemplating if you just said “magi is my abs…” and then I clicked it and I had a sigh of relief

Anyways my favorite character’s are alibaba, Sinbad, drakon and kassim

Sinbad snot my fav as much as he is fun to talk about and stuff cause he has a lot of stuff to talk about but the duo I like is alibaba and Sinbad cause there silly and I like the fact there opposites to one another but also really similar but I mainly like Sinbad cause he’s really complex or can be complex and the stuff I’ve seen of him is really funny so it’s hard not for me to like him

Then alibaba is mt fav cause I’ve loved him forever I have a very big soft spot for sunshines and stuff he’s just a fun character and be actually matured like I’ve never seen a main character actually mature and learn like you can just tell he’s grown and it makes me proud of him wich makes me love him but his personality doesn’t change but I like alibaba cause we are very much alike kinda idk he just makes me happy

I like drakon for a lot of reasons but mainly cause he’s so fun to draw and his character is so over looked but it’s so cool and you could make so much content with him and he doesn’t get enough love like one of my friends on here has made whole things about his charachter and I think we should pay more attention to him he’s a giant dragon what more could you not like

Ive loved kassim for so long as long as alibaba although I never got his charachter wen I was younge I just adored the way he looked he was cool but now that I’ve re watched magi and got back into it his charachter started to make sense I actually picked up a lot of things that crossed over to alibaba before he got his djin and how he influenced people around him and I just find him so fun to talk about and I understand him so much he’s special to me and alibaba kassim duo is so fun it’s like they tease eachother and it’s special

Also Thankyou for saying my art should be on a pintrest board eueueueue that means sm to me!!!

Also sorry some of these reasons I can’t explain I can’t explain a lot of things but I hope it did and I’ve watched magi sense I was young loved it and kept going to back into and out but I never new there was still an active community wich is probably why I never stayed in it for long I guess this time it stuck to me

I like these three to and the reason I don’t draw hakaryuu is cause of his hair I’ll do it one day I swear I have its JUSt so hard and his final outfit OMG 😭

[thoughts-and-all-that]

yknow

even after all these years

im still not happier

i dont hate myself like i used to and i, most of the time, no longer want to die (dont worry tumblr, right now is most of the time.)

but im still stuck at home

im still overweight

i still have no real friends

i still look like a girl

and i still have no idea what i want to do with my life

and all i have to look back on is shitty memories. even the good ones are a little tainted one way or another

and i also have stupid bullshit trauma to top it all off

most of the time i cant visualize a future and even when i can its vague and unsure.

years ive been stuck here, trapped. im still not happier. im still unintentionally oppressed by everyone around me. im still no closer to anyone understanding me, im no closer to being free of isolation. people act like pandemic isolation was hell, and sure, maybe for them it was. but for me it was like my heart was being slowly sliced into pieces. i had been almost free, at least, it seemed like it.

maybe im destined to be stuck till i die. maybe ill be in hell forever.

i keep being teased, given scraps of what i could have. and it gets ripped out of my hands with a cruel laugh. "you think youre allowed to be happy? youre a scapegoat. you were put in this world by mistake and youre going to feel the consequences of that till the moment you drop dead"

i try to fill the void with items and escapism and music but it only does so much. i can write and draw and daydream and sing all i want, but it only does so much.

maybe im rapunzel. stuck in the tower waiting for my savior to free me. i dont think a savior is coming though.

honestly. im not rapunzel. im cassandra. i just dont have some awesome magical stone i can steal to make the world feel what theyve put me through. i wouldnt have the stomach anyway.

i really am in a world i dont belong in. its beyond fucking stupid that portals to other worlds dont exist so i can find where i do belong

[sugarvamgar]

my life is drawing a ton of things that arent worth posting on their own fdhjfdhlkghgf

[allyouneedisbuck]

i’m begging for you (take my hand)

this fic has 18+ content! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. this is for your safety and mine! please respect that. 

by continuing to read you are stating that you are over eighteen and understand this content is not meant for minors.

summary // bucky doesn’t do love, you love bucky. being friends with benefits makes sense, right? [bucky barnes x female!reader]

words // 19.0k (BUCKLE UP IT’S A LONG ONE)

warnings // modern!bucky, fwb! trope, brief love triangle (steve x reader x bucky), overall toxicity, cursing, daddy issues (bucky’s dad left), drinking, excessive use of nicknames (sweetheart/sweets/baby), oral sex (f! receiving), penetrative sex, unsafe sex (do not have unprotected sex!), spitting, thigh riding, bucky has a metal arm but it’s not explained why (it was a car accident & that is already known by reader)

notes // title from willow by taylor swift (this fic was originally titled heartbeat and inspired by childish gambino’s song of the same name) i just could not get modern bucky not knowing how to deal with feelings out of my head & it became this catastrophe [ive never written 18+ before so pls be gentle in your judgement of those scenes omg] happy reading! 

if you enjoy this, reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated (especially when pieces take this much work)

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

“To Bucky Barnes, my now forever lawyer.” You hold out your wine glass and he meets you halfway in a cheers. Bucky laughs brightly as you praise him. “And now my sugar daddy, since he makes an insane amount of money as senior associate.” 

The two of you are halfway through your second bottle of wine. “I’ve been a lawyer for four years. I’m just now becoming your go-to?” He holds a hand to his chest in faux hurt. 

You lean towards him as you laugh. “I needed to make sure you were a good lawyer. Get me off murder charges good.” It feels like the two of you have been scooting closer to each other all night. 

“Sweetheart, you know I’d be there to help you hide the body if you needed me to.” He leans towards you in a conspiratorial whisper. Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips before snapping back up. “Then get you off the charges.” He breathes out. 

You can feel his breath on your face. The scent of red wine hits your noise and you can see it staining his lips. You want to kiss him so desperately, but you just can’t make the first move. You don’t think you could handle that rejection. 

“I’m gonna kiss you.” He says quietly, his eyes scanning over your face for any sign of rejection. You swallow thickly before nodding. “Okay.” You whisper back before letting out a nervous giggle. 

Bucky’s hand comes up to rest against your cheek. Its coldness relieves some of the heat that’s risen to underneath your skin from his proximity and the wine you’ve consumed. 

Your eyes slide shut as he leans in. His nose nudging against yours before you feel his lips. You bring your hand up to rest on his chest. His lips are softer than you expected and taste like the wine they’re stained with. It’s everything you’ve dreamed of when dreaming of kissing Bucky. 

He pulls away and looks at you with half lidded eyes. “You’re so pretty.” He mumbles. You feel heat crawl up the back of your neck at the honesty in his tone. He presses a kiss against your jaw. Then your neck. Your head falls to the side to allow him better access. 

It’s easy to move into his lap when his hands grip at your hips. “Fuck.” Bucky moans as you grind down against him. You throw your head back in a moan as his lips trail down from your jaw to your neck. 

“Shit.” You say breathlessly as his hands run up and down your sides. Your hands drop down and begin to work on his jeans button and zipper. Bucky lets out a groan when they brush against his already hard dick. 

You stand from his lap and he pulls his jeans off while you move to unbutton your top. As you work on the shirt, Bucky’s hands reach out to undo your own jeans. When you’re standing in nothing but underwear in front of him, Bucky isn’t doing anything but staring. The heat in his eyes makes you feel flush and goes straight to your core. “Fuck. You’re gorgeous.” He says quietly.

You crawl back into his lip and Bucky’s hands find you again immediately. You rub against him and both of you moan at the slight relief it offers. Bucky’s hand drifts down between you two and he begins to rub over your clothed clit.

You grind down on his hand and let out a whine. “More. More. Please.” You whisper. Bucky laughs softly at you before slipping his hand into your underwear and running a finger over your slit. “Oh my god.” Your head falls to rest on his shoulder.

“That’s it. You look so good like this, sweetheart.” He murmurs into your hair. The praise makes you moan as you grind down against him again desperate for more.

You pull back to look at him, one of your hands tangled in the hair at the back of his head. In a breathless tone you say, “Fuck me.”

Bucky groans. “Oh shit.” His hips buck up against you. “Yeah. Okay.” He pushes you off of his lap gently and moves to pull his briefs off. You follow suit and pull your underwear off.

“Come here.” He groans as he pulls you back over his lap. You giggle as he presses a flurry of kisses across your chest. He holds a hand out in front of you, “Spit.” He orders.

You glance at him in shock before following the order. His eyes roll back as he watches you before he moves to use the spit to lube himself up. “Fuck me. Please.” You whisper to him as he teases your entrance.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Bucky slips into you and you both let out loud moans. “Fuck. Fuck. You feel so good.” His forehead rests against your chest as both of you relish in the feeling for a moment. After a few seconds of shaky breathing, you yank at his hair gently so he’s forced to look at you again. A smirk spreads across his face at the feeling and you smile down at him, “Gonna fuck me? Or are we just sit here?” You tease. 

Bucky’s hands grip your hips tightly and he steadies his feet on the ground. “Yeah, sweets. ‘M gonna fuck you.”

》•

Your eyes focus in on Wanda as she waves a hand in front of your face. You can feel your body grow hot at the memory of Bucky and you. “What’s on your mind? You’ve been zoning out all night.” She laughs softly.

“Bucky and I had sex last night.” You blurt out, unable to keep it to yourself any longer. You swallow tightly when Wanda’s eyes brighten in excitement before confusion takes over.

She watches your face, like she can tell something was wrong, and doesn’t move to do anything for a second. When she does speak, it’s hesitant. “You’ve liked him since we were in school. Is this good or bad?”

You frown. She was right, you had liked Bucky since he had come barreling into your life senior year of college with bright eyes, mischievous smiles and maybe too many issues to ever be in a real relationship. You had sat through his flings and tried to move on with you own, but every guy had ended up being jealous of Bucky or too boring compared to him.

“He doesn’t-” You suck in a deep breath. “He doesn’t want a relationship.” You say quietly. You take another sip of your wine when Wanda reaches over with pity filled eyes and grabs a hold of your hand.

She shakes her head like she doesn’t understand what you’ve just said to her. “What do... What do you mean?” 

You run your hands over your face in despair. “I don’t... We had like two bottles of wine and we hooked up.” You look up at her with tearful eyes. “When I woke up this morning, he went on about how he loved me and he didn’t want to hurt me.” 

Wanda’s watching you with wide eyes. “Start from the beginning. What did he say? Are you sure he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship?” She’s shaking her head in disbelief. 

You take a deep breath before launching into the story. 

His bed is empty when you wake up. Your stomach sinks as you stare at his bedroom door left ajar. You can hear him in the kitchen talking, but you can’t quite make out what he’s saying. 

You take a deep breath before getting up. You had hoped he would sleep in with you. That cuddling in the morning would lead to confessions of hidden feelings. Your hopes diminished as you creeped down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

“No.” Bucky sounds anxious as he talks into the phone. “I’m telling you. I fucked up.” You step in the kitchen and he glances over his shoulder with wide eyes. “I’ve got to go. Bye.” He hangs up abruptly and turns to you with a tense smile. 

You give him a small smile in return. “Morning.” You tug at the hem of his t-shirt nervously as he stares at you. “We should-”

“I wanted to-” The two of you laugh awkwardly as you speak over one another. You hold your hand towards him. “You go first.” You move to sit at one of counter’s barstools. 

Bucky’s watching you with wary eyes and if his words to whoever was on that phone weren’t warning enough, this new demeanor around you certainly is. “You’re my best friend.” He comes to stand directly across from you. “And I care about you a lot. You’re one of the most important women in my life. I don’t want to ruin our relationship.” 

You nod slowly as he attempts to reject you kindly. If it weren’t so painful, you might laugh at how awkward he looks. “It’s not...” You trail off unsure of what to say. “Bucky, it’s not that serious. We’re fine.” You reach your hand across the counter palm up for him to take. 

His brows furrow. “You’re not mad at me?” He asks in confusion. “I thought-”

You shake your fingers and he smiles before holding your hand tightly in his. “It was consensual. With a guy I trust with my life. And it was great sex. I’m not mad at you.” You smile reassuringly. 

It’s not a lie. Not at all. Everything you said was true, you had just left out the part where you had been hoping for more. But you could get over this. A one time fling. You could survive it as long as you didn’t lose him. 

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” Bucky’s shoulders relax. The tension on his face transforms into a cocky smirk. “Great sex?” 

“That’s...” Wanda trails off as she digests your words. “Why didn’t you tell him how you feel?” She asks. 

You look at her with wide eyes. “What do you mean why didn’t I tell him? Should we start with me overhearing him telling someone how much he fucked up or his rejection for dummies speech?” You laugh sarcastically. 

Wanda gives you apologetic eyes. “How can you be sure he was talking to the person on the phone about you?” You scrunch your nose up at her and she sighs. “Okay, whatever. At least now you know he doesn’t want a relationship! You can move on and find someone with a bigger dick.” 

“Wanda!” You can’t help but laugh. You give her an appreciative smile before letting out a sigh.  “I don’t know... I guess I just always thought we’d end up together. It’s stupid.”

You trace your finger around the base of your wine glass. Wanda watches you for a moment before flagging down a waitress. She looks at you with a twinkle in her eye. “Can I get a round of tequila shots, please?” She asks. 

The waitress nods before walking away. “We’re going to get you drunk and make you forget all about Bucky Barnes.” 

You laugh softly. “Yes please.” 

》

Four glasses of wine and two rounds of shots leaves you struggling to get the key into your apartment door’s lock. 

“Fuck.” You mutter when you push too hard and the keys clatter against the floor. You sigh deeply before bending down to pick them. You lay one palm flat against your door in an attempt to steady your shaky feet as the other reaches for your keys. 

Then you’re falling forward and your shoulder hits the floor harshly. “Jesus, sweetheart. I thought you were some weirdo trying to break in.” You groan as you look up and see Bucky staring down at you with furrowed brows. 

He’s wearing nothing but sweatpants, his metal arm and abs on full display for you. You give him a dopey smile. “Hey, handsome.” 

He laughs loudly. It’s bright and contagious and makes you giggle as he bends down to lift you to your feet. “Missed you tonight.” He says softly as he wraps his arm around your waist.

You allow yourself to rest your bodyweight on him, knowing he’s strong enough to lead you to your room. His soft words leave you feeling like you’re floating. It’s like the night before had never happened. 

“Missed you too.” You whisper. Your words are slurred, not that you can change that, but you know he understands them. He presses a kiss to your head in response as he leads you down the hall and into a room. 

The room is spinning around you, but you know it’s Bucky’s from the blank walls and dark furniture. Bucky sits you down on the edge of his bed and your fingers immediately grip his comforter tightly. “Why’d you bring me here?” Your grip is the only thing that keeps you from falling backwards onto his bed. 

You try to focus your eyes on him, but he’s moving around the room too fast. From what you think is his dresser then his closet. “I’ve got to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit tonight.” 

“‘M not gonna get sick.” You mumble as he comes to a stop in front of you. He holds out a pile of clothes to you. “I have my own clothes in my own room.” You stare up at him defiantly. 

You can see Bucky push his tongue against the inside of his cheek, a tell that he was getting a little annoyed. “C’mon sweets. Just put the clothes on and get in bed.” 

He’s still holding the clothes out in front of you. His earlier rejection running through your mind. “I’m not having sex with you tonight.” You blurt out. You would have never said the words sober, but you didn’t want him to think it would become a recurring thing. 

Bucky laughs awkwardly and drops the clothes on the bed beside you. “I’m not trying to have sex with you. I’m trying to take care of you and make sure you don’t die in your sleep.” 

Your eyes narrow, but you feel far too dizzy to actually get up and move to your room to prove a point. You lift your arms and look up at Bucky, “Help?” 

He smiles victoriously and reaches for the hem of your shirt. You can see his eyes trail over your bralette and feel your cheeks warm, but you blame that on the alcohol. 

“Do you want to sleep in this?” He whispers as his fingers trail over one of the straps. You shiver as one of his cold fingers presses into your skin and leaves goosebumps in its wake. 

You bite down on your lip, but nod your head. “I’ll be fine in it.” 

He nods and you raise your arms again as he slips one of his black t-shirts onto you. It’s soft and smells like him leaving you warm all over and suddenly tired. Your head falls so your chin is resting against your chest. 

Bucky kneels down in front of you. “Is it okay if I take your jeans off? So I can put sweatpants on you?” He moves his head so you’re forced to make eye contact with him as his hands come to rest on your stomach. He fiddles with your jean’s button, but doesn’t move to actually undo it yet. 

You nod softly before falling backwards onto the bed. Bucky’s hands move quickly as he unbuttons and unzips your jeans. There’s a sharp inhale once he gets your jeans off, but you ignore it.  

“Sweetheart.” You lift your hips when you feel his sweatpants get stuck underneath you. “Thank you.” He says quietly.  

“What did you do tonight?” You mumble as you move around his bed to crawl under the comforter. You wait until he’s situated beside you before pulling the blanket up to cover the bottom half of your face. 

He pulls the blanket down and holds out a wipe. “You complain when I let you fall asleep with the makeup.” 

Your eyes flicker to his in brief shock, unaware of how much he actually listened to you. “Than...Thank you.” You begin to wipe it across your face. It’s not your normal routine, but it was better than nothing. “Tell me about your night.” 

Bucky moves so he’s sitting against his headboard. “I just waited for you all night.” He shrugs. 

You drop the wipe onto the side table. “Shut up. What did you really do?” You shove gently at his shoulder. Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist and he pulls you into him. 

He’s stronger when you’re sober, so your drunk body falls into his side easily and you wrap an arm around his waist. “I’m telling you the truth, sweets. I just waited all night for you.” He presses a kiss to your temple. 

You look up from his chest to find him looking down at you with soft eyes. He’s being kind and you’re sure all that he can think of is how happy he is that your friendship hasn’t been ruined. 

But all you can think about is how no matter how soft he is with you, he still doesn’t want to be with you. No matter how much he says he loves you and misses you, it’s not the sam way you mean it. It leaves a crack in your heart that you’re unsure will ever be healed. 

》•

She’s pretty. You think bitterly as you watch from across the room. 

Bucky’s firm had a party every few months for donors. Bucky hated them. He always complained that schmoozing wasn’t his specialty, law was, so you were usually dragged along as his plus one to “Keep me from dying of boredom, please.” 

You usually didn’t mind. Bucky flirted for money, you got to enjoy to open bar to cope with his non-existent feelings for you. Tonight felt even worse. 

You force yourself to look away and look back down at the drink in front of you. You’re glad Wanda isn’t there to look at you with the same pity filled eyes that you had been getting since revealing the details of your hook up, but you wish you had someone to turn to. 

“You look great in that dress.” Your head whips up at the familiar voice. Steve is smiling at you sweetly and you can tell he’s keeping his eyes respectfully on yours. “Definitely your color.” 

You laugh. You and Steve weren’t particularly close, he was a childhood friend and you were college. The two of you really only spent time together in groups or with Bucky there. “Thank you, Mr. Rogers.” You tease. 

“Please.” He throws his head back in an over dramatic groan. “Steve! So many people have called me Mr. Rogers tonight I’m going to fall into an identity crisis.” 

You give him an ill-suppressed smile. “Thank you, Steve.” He sits down in the barstool next to you and waves the bartender over. 

“Water for me and…” He glances at the empty glass in front of you, “another glass of wine for her?” His voice ends in a question and he smiles brightly when you nod. 

“I could be wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be flirting with rich women to fund your pro bono cases?” You run a finger around the base of your glass. 

Steve’s eyes trail from your manicured nails up to your teasing smile. He swallows and forces out a soft laugh. “I’m not too good at the flirting that’s uh-.” He looks over his shoulder before looking back at you with kind eyes. 

You ignore his insinuation. Ignore the idea of Bucky and Steve feeling pity for you over Bucky. “Everyone deserves a break.” 

The man in front of you gives you a relieved smile. “And what better way to take a break than talk to a pretty girl?” 

You smile sweetly. “You could get 100k easily with that charm.” Steve throws his head back in a laugh and his arm lands on the back of your seat when he leans back in. 

You find yourself leaning in too. He’s got a nice laugh and sweet personality. You can feel the warmth radiating off of him and it’s relaxing. 

For a moment, Bucky is forgotten as Steve gives you all his attention, the first person to do so all night.

》•

Bucky stops to stand next to Sam as he takes a sip of his drink. His eyes scan over the party in search of you. 

“Good for Steve.” Sam says into his glass before taking a sip of his drink. Bucky’s eyes cut to him in question. Sam nods in front of him and Bucky’s eyes settle on you at the bar. With Steve. 

“What do you mean good for Steve?” Bucky asks. He can’t take his eyes off of you as Steve slides a glass of wine towards you. 

Sam shrugs nonchalantly. “He’s had a crush on her since that Halloween party last year.” 

Bucky’s mind drifts to you in your skin tight superhero costume. He wasn’t blind, he had seen the guys who had come up to you and their eyes that had trailed after you. 

“He hasn’t said anything to me.” He feels a surge of pride at the fact that he can’t explain when he thinks of how at the end of the night, you had come home alone with him, content to sit on the couch and watch horror movies. “He’s not her type.” He adds on after a moment of silence. 

Bucky isn’t too confident in his words though. Steve seemed to be the perfect kind of guy for you. Kind, funny, made good money, and was always the guy who listened with open ears. Bucky just couldn’t fathom you with anybody that… He doesn’t know, but he knows Steve doesn’t feel right.

Sam snorts. “Yeah. Try telling you about wanting to take her out? He’d rather live.” Bucky watches as Steve leans in closer to whisper something into your ear. 

He feels rage surge through him, but forces himself to stay in his spot. “Not like we’re dating. He could have told me if he wanted to. Or made a move.” He wasn’t sure why he felt so angry about you and Steve. It wasn’t like you two were dating, he hadn’t lied to Sam.

Sam looks at Bucky like he’s grown two heads. “Come on, Buck. Not dating? You call her all these nicknames, never let other people flirt with her, always take her home.” 

“We live together.” Bucky defends weakly. His mind drifts to kissing you while wine drunk. He shakes his head. “Of course I take her home.” 

Sam looks a little bemused as he asks, “Are you two seriously not dating?” 

“Of course not! She’s my best friend.” He glances at Sam before looking back over at Steve. You’re leaning in too. It’s not like he was lying, the two of you weren’t dating. But he had brought you as his date tonight and he’ll be damned if Steve weasels his way into your heart. 

“I was just cur-“ Bucky shoves his empty glass into Sam’s hand before beginning to make his way through the crowd towards you. 

He can vaguely hear Sam shout a goodbye, but all he can focus on is getting your attention onto him and off of Steve. 

》

You feel him before you see him. His hand trailing up your back before landing on the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. His grip isn’t tight, but it makes you shiver. 

“What’s going on here?” His voice is a possessive drawl and you look up at him with a confused smile. 

You sit up straighter and Steve immediately pulls away. His blue eyes follow Bucky’s arm to his face and they narrow. “Just keeping her company. Noticed you were busy, so…” Steve trails off with a shrug.

Bucky’s grip on you tightens. “Well, I’m here now. You can go back to schmoozing.” He nods his head in the direction of the party, but Steve doesn’t budge. 

You’re extremely confused by Bucky’s sudden possessiveness over your attention and turn to him with an annoyed glare. “Actually, Steve was telling me about how that’s your specialty. He’s far too sweet to mindlessly flirt. ” 

You feel Steve’s shocked gaze on you, because he had definitely not said that, but you don’t look away from Bucky. His glare melts into a sickly sweet smile as he turns to look at his childhood friend. “That so?” 

Part of you feels bad for pushing Steve into the middle of whatever this tension was between you and Bucky. But you can’t ignore the pleasure that rushes through you as Bucky’s grip tightens and his attention focuses solely on you for the first time all night. 

Steve looks back and forth between you two before he stands from his seat. “It was nice seeing you.” He leans down and presses a kiss to your cheek before slapping a hand against Bucky’s back. “See you later, punk.”

You swallow as Bucky moves to take Steve’s now unoccupied seat. He orders a drink and you can only watch in shock as moves around so casually. When he finally looks back at you he just looks confused by your silence. 

“What’s up?” He asks with a smile. 

You roll your eyes at him. “What was that?” You gesture in the direction Steve had gone before looking at him with wide eyes. 

Bucky looks down at his drink and shrugs. “Didn’t want anyone bothering you.” 

“Anyone bothering me? That was Steve!” You laugh incredulously. “I know Steve. You know Steve. He was keeping me company.” You can’t wrap your head around his random behavior. 

Bucky shakes his head like you’re the one who’s being confusing and acting weird. “You just looked a little uncomfortable. I came to your rescue.” He gulps down the rest of his drink. 

“My rescue?” You shake your head at him. “Buck, it was Steve. Steve Rogers is one of the most polite men in New York.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “He likes you. Sam said he was definitely trying to make a move on you.” He immediately feels bad for blurting out Steve’s secret, but he just can’t let it go. 

You scrunch your face up in confusion before letting out a breath. “That’s not your secret to tell.” You grab your clutch and stand up quickly. “Why would that even matter anyways?” You look down at him now, he’s still sitting on the barstool. He won’t look up at you.

“Can we just go home?” He asks quietly as he taps his fingers against the bar counter. You bite down on your lip before finally nodding. “Fine.” He lets out a sigh before standing to follow you. 

You’re shocked when you feel his fingers slip in between yours as the two of you walk towards the elevators. Holding hands with Bucky wasn’t new, per say, you’d done it at bars to get out of creepy guys flirting with you, amusement parks so as to not lose one another, but this… This felt different, softer and more insecure. 

You swallow before squeezing his hand in return. You hear the relieved breath he lets out as the two of you stop in front of the closed elevator doors. 

He whispers your name with a tug of your hand. You turn to look at him as the two of you step into the empty elevator. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to screw things up with Steve. I just… I don’t know.” 

Your heart breaks a little. You weren’t sure what you expected. Maybe an admission of jealousy, that Bucky realized he didn't want you with Steve or any other guy, he wanted you with him. But the words never came and you feel stupid for letting your hopes get the best of you.

You shrug. “It’s fine, Buck.” The elevator is slow in its descent. You almost groan when you see how high you are and the fifteen floors left to go down. “I don’t like Steve… I just… It was nice to have some company. You were busy all night.” 

You try to hide the emotion in your voice, but Bucky can hear it. He can see it too, written on your face as you try to keep your eyes on the descending numbers. 

Your words cause a wave of relief to crash over him. You didn’t like Steve. You didn’t like Steve. He felt bad for his friend, but not bad enough to stop his next move.

He tugs at your hand again. The elevator is almost all the way down if you could just ignore him for a few more seconds-

His lips are on yours before you even have a chance to think about why he’s pulling you towards him. You’re still with shock, your hands clasped between you two, as Bucky kisses you. 

You don’t kiss back, too stunned to. Bucky pulls back when the elevator finally dings and you try to rush out only to be stopped when you realize you’re still attached to Bucky’s hand. 

“What the fuck was that?” You hiss. “You can’t just… Just flip out about Steve flirting, tell me you’re not jealous and then kiss me!” You yell.

Bucky swallows thickly and glances around the empty lobby. “I… It…”

You stare at him with lifted brows waiting for an explanation. “You need to figure your shit out, Buck. I said I was fine if you wanted it to be a one time thing but I’m not here for you to yank around.” 

“I’m not trying to yank you around!” Bucky defends. “I just… What if it wasn’t just a one time thing?” He asks quietly, his voice almost a whisper. 

You want to cry. “Wh...What?” You ask with a shake of your head. 

“I feel like such a dick.” He admits taking a hesitant step closer to you. When you don’t move away, he places a hand on your cheek. “Stuff with work has been so stressful lately and… and I never have the time or energy to do anything. The other night, with you, was the most relaxed I’ve been in a while.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’ve been thinking of us helping each other out.” 

“Like a friends with benefits thing?” You blurt out when you realize where he was going with this. 

He nods. “I just… Got to thinking after you left that morning. It was great sex, best I’ve had in a while.” You swallow and your eyes dart away a little embarrassed. “And I know you and don’t have to worry about you giving me some disease. We live together and we wouldn’t have to go out or wait for some random hook up.” 

You can’t really wrap your head around his words. “But you don’t want… You don’t want to have a relationship?” 

“You know me.” He laughs tensely. “Not a relationship guy. I love you, you’re my best friend, but-“

“That’s good.” Your blurt, already regretting the words. “I mean, I love you, you’re my best friend too, you know? Neither of us really have time for one anyways and… Life is stressful.” 

“You… You want to? Do the benefits thing?” Bucky looks like he can’t believe that you’re agreeing. Quite honestly, you can’t really believe the words coming out of your mouth either. 

Because you liked Bucky. You had for so long now it felt like it was a piece of you. You were sure you loved him. You were sure he didn’t feel the same way and this… This was a way to be with him, no matter how fucked up it may be. 

And life was stressful. A full time job with New York City rent and bills. You hated going out. You hate hook ups, they always left you disgruntled and disappointed. Bucky had… Bucky had been good. The best, probably. And it would be nice to have someone other than yourself every once in a while. 

“Yeah.” You whisper. “I… I want to. I’m kind of sick of my hand.” 

Bucky snorts then laughs and it immediately calms you down. He was still your Bucky. Just with the added bonus of sex. “Me too, sweets.” 

He presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you into a hug. You suck in a deep breath. “I think you said something about going home.” You mumble into his suit jacket. 

“Yeah.” He whispers back, tilting your chin up to look up. He smirks down at you. “I did.” 

》

“Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as Bucky kisses down your chest. “Please, Buck.” You whimper when his right hand comes up and begins to play with your nipple. 

He doesn’t respond, his tongue flicking over your other nipple. You’re arching your back into him, it feels good, but you want more. His left hand is settled on your hip and you want it on you in a different way. 

You groan when he pulls away to look at you. “What do you want, sweetheart? You gotta tell me or I won’t be able to give it to you.” His tone is sweet, but he’s looking at you with blown pupils and a cocky smile. 

“Your fingers, Buck, please.” You try to lift your hips up a little, but his left hand keeps you pressed against his mattress. You look at him pleadingly when he still doesn’t move. “Please, James.” You murmur. 

You didn’t call him by his first name often, he had introduced himself as Bucky and you hadn’t even learned it until a few months later. Sometimes you pulled it out to tease him, but tonight… You wanted to see if it would push him. 

“Fuck.” He mutters, leaning over you and beginning to press a line of kisses down your stomach all the way to your pelvic bone. “Fuck, that’s hot. Say it again.” 

You throw your head back in a moan when his hand begins to rub you through your panties. “James. I need you to-“ 

“Gonna give you more than my fingers, sweets.” He hooks fingers in the waistband of your panties and yanks them down. “Finally gonna get a taste of you, if that’s okay.” He glances at you and you nod hastily.

“God. Yes, please.” Your eyes flutter shut as his hands force your thighs open. His grip on you is tight and harsh and makes your entire body tingle. 

“So pretty.” He murmurs just watching you. If you weren’t so turned on you would be embarrassed by his stare, but his words just make you even more desperate for him. He settles on his stomach, head between your thighs. He begins to bite and kiss his way up your inner thigh. “Been thinking about this since you let me fuck you, sweetheart.” He admits in a murmur before finally putting his mouth on you. “Thinking about how you taste.”

“Oh shit.” You moan, a combination of the pleasure of his tongue and his words giving you butterflies. “Yes. Fuck.” 

“Knew you’d taste good.” He moans, the words go straight to your core and he knows it. He knows what he’s doing. His hands gripping at your hips tightly, thumbs rubbing calming circles into your skin. He flicks his tongue over your sensitive spot and your back arches. “So good.” You murmur breathily. Your hands are clutching the bed sheets as you try to grind your hips up. 

Bucky pulls one hand away, it gives you a little more freedom to move but not much, and begins to tease you with a finger. 

“Yes. Please, your fingers.” You beg him. Bucky chuckles against you, sending hot breath and a small vibration straight to your core. It feels good, he’s good. 

He pulls away slightly and you whine. “Come on, sweets.” He urges, pushing his finger into you. You moan at the feeling. “What happened to calling me James? Said I liked it.” He adds another, your slick heat allowing them easily.

“James.” You look down at him with blown pupils. Bucky almost comes right there, his fingers inside of you, your chest heaving and you looking at him like that. “James. Please. Want your mouth on me again.” 

Now that you’ve started saying his name, it’s like you can’t stop. The name tumbles out of your mouth like a prayer. He rewards you for it though, his mouth is back on you, licking over you steadily, and you can feel the tension in your stomach the closer and closer you get. 

“So good.” Bucky murmurs into your skin. You moan out again. “Gonna come for me, sweetheart?” He pulls away to ask, his breath fanning across your skin. Your hips buck up towards him in desperation and Bucky groans. “Come on, sweets. Can you come for me? Please.” 

He curves his fingers and flicks his tongue over your already sensitive bud again and your back arches. “Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as your orgasm washes over you. Bucky works you through it and your legs are shaking by the time he pulls his mouth away to smile cheekily at you. 

“I like it when you call me James.” He whispers as he crawls up towards you. You roll you eyes with a tired smile. He fingers trace circles over you stomach. “You tired?”

You nod your head. Your eyes trail over his body, his hard dick making an obvious tent in his briefs. You smirk at him, your hand moving to trail down from his stomach to his dick. Bucky moans as your hand grips him. 

“Still want you to fuck me though.”

》•

Bucky thinks maybe the two of you should establish some ground rules. No dates, if you sleep with somebody else let the other know, use protection, don’t fall asleep together. 

But he can’t imagine the two of you not having your regular Sunday breakfasts together after his runs or forcing you out of his room when the two of you had shared beds long before this ever happened. 

So, he ignores it. He decides to enjoy your warmth in his bed and assumes you’re not seeing anybody else. It’s good. It works, even if his friends think he’s being an idiot. 

Steve is on one side while Sam is on his other and they’ve both been standing in silence now that Bucky has finished explaining what happened when the two of you left the party.

He feels bad when he sees Sam’s eyes flicker to Steve in confusion, but Steve’s face holds more pity than annoyance. It makes Bucky feel uncomfortable in his spot as he takes a sip of water.

“I don’t understand why you’re not calling her your girlfriend.” Steve finally says. 

Bucky rolls his shoulders with an annoyed sigh. “I just said. We’re both busy with work and friends, there’s no time for relationships. This works for the both of us. We don’t have to rely on shitty hookups and we trust each other.” 

Steve gives Bucky a look that screams you’re an idiot while Sam just laughs loudly. “You have to know how ridiculous that sounds, dude.” Sam slaps a hand against Bucky’s back. “You guys live together. You have all the time in the world to actually date each other. I thought you guys were dating each other with how you act. you’re having sex now and you still won’t call her your girlfriend?” He asks incredulously. 

“I...I don’t want a relationship. It leads to marriage and kids and fights.” Bucky shudders. “No thanks. This way I get great sex and my best friend.”

Steve sighs heavily. “She deserves better than that, Buck. You know that.” His voice is full of disappointment. The same tone Bucky has been getting for years when it came to his relationships. 

“Like you?” His tone is defensive and his words are meaner than they should be. Bucky knows all Steve wants is for his friends to be happy. “She’s a grown woman. She can decide who she wants to have sex with.” 

“Come on, Buck. You’re not an idiot. She’s had a crush on you for years.” Steve lets out an exasperated sigh. “This is a great way to drive her away and lose her for good.” 

“I’m not-”

“All,” Steve raises his voice to cut Bucky off, “I’m saying is she’ll figure out this isn’t what she wants and find someone who can give it to her. Then you’ll be left in the dust realizing what an idiot you were for letting your irrational fears talk you out of being with her.”

Bucky runs his tongue over his lips. “Who? Are you gonna steal her?” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Will it be stealing when you’re the one who drives her away?”

》

His bed is empty when you wake up, but that’s no surprise, you knew Bucky ran Sunday mornings with the guys. You almost expect to feel more shame or pain over falling into this friends with benefits thing. But, you feel okay. Bucky was still your best friend. Just with mind-blowing sex. He didn’t kick you out at night and didn’t seem put off by you. 

Your phone vibrates somewhere in his room from the inside of your clutch. You groan and finally move to sit up. Bucky has picked your things up and folded everything into a neat pile on the top of his dresser. Your clutch is sitting on the top of the pile and you can see the vibrations of your phone shaking it slightly. 

You pick his shirt up from the floor and slide it on before reaching for your underwear underneath the clutch. 

When you pull your phone out you see a few missed calls from Wanda, one last night the one you’ve just missed. You crawl into Bucky’s bed again and call her back. 

“Hey!” You smile at Wanda’s voice. “I called you last night, but I forgot you had that lawyer thing.” You can imagine her nose scrunching up in disgust at the idea. 

You mess with a loose thread on the comforter. “Yeah. Buck dragged me along.” There’s silence on the other end. You sigh heavily. “Shit. Wanda. You’ll never guess what I did last night.” 

Your eyes take in the room. Bucky doesn’t have many decorations or knick knacks, but he has a couple pictures sitting on his nightstand. You move to his side of the bed and pick one of them up. 

“You go home together?” Wanda doesn’t need to guess, there’s a twinge of disappointment in her voice but all you can focus on is the sadness you hear. Like she’s just hurting for you at this point. 

You stare down at the photo in your hand. It’s from Bucky’s last birthday. “We live together.” You defect. The photo is the two of you sitting at your kitchen counter with two glasses of wine in front of you. The wine is red and you can faintly see it staining both of your lips. His arm is wrapped loosely around your waist and you’re pressing a kiss his cheek. The photo makes your heart ache. “You sleep in your room?” Wanda laughs. You drop the photo on the bed in front of you. “You’ve gotta tell him. Tell him how you feel, really.” She urges you. 

You’re shaking your head even though she can’t see you. “It’ll ruin everything.” You say quietly. Losing him would be worse than loving him like this. “We... We agreed on a benefits thing last night. I think it can work.” 

“That’s a great way to get hurt.” Wanda says. You glance at the other picture he has sitting on his nightstand. 

It’s a photo of him and Steve. The two of them are children standing with hands wrapped tightly around the straps of their backpacks and they’ve got bright smiles on their faces. You smile at the sight, both boys happy, carefree and full of life.

Bucky’s left arm is still flesh in the photograph. He doesn’t talk about the accident much, he had come out with one arm and a completely changed person. Sometimes you wonder if things would be different if it had never happened.

You hear the front door slam shut. “I’ve gotta go! I’ll talk to you later.” You hang up before Wanda can say anything else. You leave the picture frame sitting in the bed, moving quickly from Bucky’s room to your own. 

》•

Bucky’s bedroom door is open when he gets home, but you’re nowhere to be found. Your clothes still sit on his dresser and there’s a picture frame partially covered by his comforter that makes Bucky pause.

It’s his favorite picture of you two, wine stained lips and happiness radiating off of you. He wonders what had made you grab it and what had made you drop it. Steve’s words come to mind she’s had a crush on you for years. 

Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He had seen the nervous smiles and bright eyes in college, he had done everything he could to stay just friends with you and it had seemed to work. You had moved on. Boyfriends and flings had come and gone, your eyes had shifted into a caring stare and you stopped nervously fidgeting with your hands around him, so Bucky had assumed your crush went away. Even now there was nothing that really stood out as you liking him. It sounded like Steve was making assumptions to mess with Bucky’s head. And it was working.

He stares at the picture for another moment before placing it back on his nightstand. Bucky wasn’t afraid of relationships, Steve was wrong, he just hated how they ended. He wasn’t afraid of holding hands or expensive dates, he was afraid of the unavoidable hurt and falling out of love that would cause him to lose you.

He couldn’t lose you.

“Bucky?” Your voice jolts him from his thoughts and his head turns from the photo to you, standing in his doorway in nothing but his t-shirt and a pair shorts. “What should we order for lunch?”

Bucky lets out a deep breath before smiling up at you. “We should get some wraps from that cafe down the block.”

“That sounds good.” You smile. Your eyes move over him and Bucky has to look away. You’ve always been good at studying him and knowing if something was up. “Everything okay?”

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m just thinking.” He offers a tense smile that makes you step further into his room. Bucky’s eyes move from your bare feet up your legs to your face that’s watching him with concerned eyes.

“That can’t be good.” You tease as you take a seat next to him. You rest your head against his shoulder and Bucky feels a little calmer with you next to him. “What’s got you spacing out like that, Buck?” You ask gently.

“You’re not…” Bucky swallows thickly and looks down at his lap. “You’re not gonna leave me, right? This isn’t gonna fuck us up?”

He feels you tense against his side and begins to panic until your hand intwines with his. “Not if we promise not to let it fuck us up. You’re my best friend, Buck. I don’t wanna lose you either.”

“I promise.” Bucky squeezes your hand. “Do you?”

You squeeze his hand in return, but don’t say anything. Bucky takes the action as promise enough.

》•

Days turn into weeks which turn into months and suddenly it’s November, fall in New York becoming winter much sooner than expected. The cold bites at your cheeks and seeps into your bones. Bucky becomes your warmth despite the constant ache in your heart at what you really are to him. 

Bucky comes into your room or you sneak into his. You ignore the looks from your friends when you all go out and don’t heed to any of Wanda’s advice.

The lines are blurred to you, because it feels like you’re in a relationship. It’s almost like you’ve fallen into one naturally. It’s not just secret sex in the middle of the night. It’s all your normal things, reading together on Sundays and watching your favorite show together Saturday nights. Only now it’s started to include footsie and make-out sessions.

There are some nights the two of you go out, whether it to be to dinner or to see a new movie, and they feel like dates. Bucky never lets you pay and holds your hand in the theater.

You almost want to ask him Why. Why aren’t we official? Why can’t you call me your girlfriend? But you’re far too afraid. For every small gesture that feels like love, there are nights out with your friends where Bucky ignores your existence or awkward introductions to coworkers you run into at the movie theater. 

Life moves on though. Day by day. Even if feels like you’re on a train moving full steam ahead towards a wall and impact is inevitable. 

It’s nice to have a taste of what it could be like to have him. 

》•

It blows up on a Thursday night, at eight thirty-two pm, to be exact. 

Bucky didn’t feel like cooking, he was relieved when you had suggested going out to grab dinner, but now he just wishes the two of you had stayed home.

There’s a tense and awkward silence as the two of you walk home. You’re about ten feet in front of him and not talking at all, it honestly looks more like he’s some creep following you home at this point. If he weren’t so upset he would probably laugh at the scene. 

If Bucky had just kept his mouth shut.

“Oh my god.” You groan, slouching down in your seat and covering your face with your hands. “Fuck.”

Bucky looks between you and the entrance of the restaurant confused by your sudden annoyance. “What’s wrong?” He asks leaning towards you.

“I went to high school with that girl.” You whisper. “We were friends until I stole her boyfriend.” You roll your eyes.

Bucky chokes on his drink mid-sip. “You stole her boyfriend? Right on! I didn’t know you had that in you.” He laughs, completely shocked by the idea of a you in high school who steals guys when all he’s ever known is the sweet, loyal girl.

“I didn’t actually steal her boyfriend!” You hiss. Bucky notices the girl do a double take when her eyes catch on you. “He broke up with her and asked me to prom two weeks later so she assumed I stole him. She hated me and made the last few months of senior year absolute shit for me.” You explain slipping further into your seat before taking a heavy sip of wine.

“Incoming.” He chuckles as she makes a beeline for your table. You sit up ramrod straight when her hand lands on your shoulder and your name comes out in a fake giggle.

“Eliza.” Your smile is equally as fake as you stand up to offer her a quick hug. “How are you?” Bucky watches with amused eyes as Eliza launches into a story about her boyfriend, who’s watching the scene with bored eyes from across the restaurant.

He smiles awkwardly when the two of you turn to face him. “This is my boyfriend, Bucky.” You smile tightly at the woman and Bucky watches uncomfortably as she trails her eyes over him. “Really?” Eliza asks.

“Just friends, actually.” Bucky can’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth with an awkward laugh.

Your eyes narrow at him before they flicker away. Bucky watches in what feels like slow motion as your shoulders hunch in and you close yourself off, absolutely embarrassed as Eliza turns to you with a proud smirk. “Is that right?” Her tone is nasty and Bucky is filled with regret immediately, but there’s nothing he can do because you’re grabbing your purse and jacket and storming away.

Eliza smiles at him. “She’s always been one for the dramatics.” Bucky shakes his head as he pulls out some bills and leaves them on the table, moving the chase after you. “Thanks.” He says to the woman sarcastically as he pushes past her.

That had lead him here, trailing after you silently, as you fume from a distance. “Sweetheart, come on.” Bucky pleads. The words make you freeze and spin around to face him. 

Bucky stumbles backwards as you walk towards him with fury in your eyes and your finger pointed at him accusingly. “Don’t call me that.” 

“I’ve always called you sweetheart,” Bucky frowns. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I just-”

“You didn’t embarrass me, James.” Bucky flinches as you spit out his first name like it’s poison. “You humiliated me. Was it really that big a deal? That I introduced you as my boyfriend? Does the idea of dating me disgust you that much?” 

Bucky throws his hands out in front of him in a defensive gesture. “No! I just... We’re not dating. You know that!” He shakes his head. “I mean, dating you doesn’t disgust me... I just... You know?” 

You raise your eyebrows at him. “No. I don’t know.” You say coldly. “It’s not like we’re not dating. You have to see that.” 

“See what?” Bucky asks, completely exasperated. “We do everything we used to do and sometimes have sex.” 

“Oh my god!” Your laugh sounds manic as you pause and look up at the sky like you’re searching for an answer. “Have you ever thought that maybe we weren’t ever just friends, Bucky? That we didn’t act like normal best friends do?” You cross your arms and look back at him. 

Yes. Bucky thinks immediately. “No!” He swallows. “I’ve always seen you as my best friend! Never... Never...” He’s dug himself a deeper and deeper hole every time he’s opened his mouth, but this is the nail in his coffin. He says your name gently, but you’re already backing away, hurt all over your face. 

“I guess I read everything wrong then.” You say quietly. “These stupid dates and us falling asleep together at night. All the holding hands and cuddling, right?” Your voice is filled with wet emotion and Bucky is sure if it wasn’t so dark outside he would see tears brimming your eyes. “You do that with all your friends. I mean nothing.”

“That’s not what I said!” Bucky exclaims. “You know you’re one of the most important women in my life. Please. Don’t do this.” He pleads. 

“I’m done. Okay? This stupid benefits thing? These friend dates, Sunday mornings together, movies? Done with all of it.” You hiss. You suck in a deep breath, like you’re preparing to deliver the final blow. Bucky braces himself. “You wanna be just friends? I’ll do you one better, we can be just roommates. That way there’s no confusion.”

Bucky can only stand still, watching as you walk away. 

》

Wanda has a kind enough heart to not say I told you so, when you show on her doorstep with mascara running down your cheeks. She just pulls you inside by your arm and wraps her softest blanket around your shoulders. 

“What happened?” She places a cup of tea on her coffee table in front of you. You can vaguely hear Vision trying to move around in the kitchen as quietly as possible. There’s an unspoken question that lingers in the air. What did Bucky do?

You sniffle. “We ran into Eliza tonight.” Wanda’s eyes widen and you nod. “I… I introduced Bucky as my boyfriend. It just slipped out, but he totally panicked and corrected me right to her face. I was so humiliated, I bolted.”

Wanda takes the seat beside you on the couch. “That’s awful. I can’t believe that idiot,” she hisses the word, “couldn’t put aside his dumb fears for five seconds and just have your back.”

You rub your eyes harshly. “That’s not the worst part of the night. I think the worst part was when he reiterated we were just friends and that he’s never seen me as anything more than that.” 

Wanda’s mouth drops open in shock and you can even hear Vision murmur something along the lines of oh shit in the kitchen. 

“Good way to get hurt, huh?” You reiterate Wanda’s words from weeks ago and her face falls into a look a pity. “I’m so stupid. Why did I even agree to doing benefits with him?”

“We all do dumb things when we love someone.” She says soothingly as she rubs her hand across your back. “I know this hurts, but look at the silver lining. Now you can move on, for real. Bucky’s made his intentions clear and you can find someone better.” 

You look at her sadly. “What if there isn’t someone better?” You almost choke on your own breath as you talk through your tears. “What if no one makes me feel that way?”

Wanda shakes her head and reaches up to grip your chin between her fingertips. It forces you to look into her blazing eyes. “Bucky’s nothing more than a man with commitment issues. We’re in New York City, there are millions of them. And for every Bucky, there’s a…a…”

“Vision.” You offer up with a teasing smile. Wanda blushes, but nods. “There’s a Vision. And yours is out there, he was just waiting for Bucky to fuck up.” 

You let out a choke laugh. “Yeah…” You trail off. “Can I crash here? I don’t think I can-“

“-Of course.” Wanda cuts you off. “For as long as you need.”

》

Bucky doesn’t even want to go inside. He just stands outside his apartment door staring blankly at the lock. It doesn’t feel like home without you there. 

You haven’t been home in three days and if it weren’t for your instagram stories with Wanda and Vision, Bucky would think you were dead.

You haven’t reached out at all, he isn’t sure if you had come by the apartment to grab personal things and when he had asked the guys if they had heard from you, Steve had just given him an I told you this would happen lecture. 

Bucky feels like a fucking idiot. Bucky is a fucking idiot. He shoves his key into the lock with a sigh. 

“Bucky?” A voice calls out. It makes him freeze in the doorway. It’s your voice. He’s sure it is. Nobody else had a key to the apartment. You pop out of the kitchen with a smile. “It is you!”

Your demeanor has done a complete flip. There’s no harsh stare or fiery eyes, just smiles. It leaves his head spinning. For the past three days he’s been trying to figure out how to make things better and you’re…fine? 

“He…hey.” He pushes the word out. “Um. What are you doing here?” 

Your brows furrow. “I live here?” You laugh softly before turning back into the kitchen. Bucky follows you dumbly, completely awestruck by your sudden reappearance. 

“I thought… I thought you were mad at me?” He asks hesitantly. 

“I was. Now I’m not.” You shrug. You move around the kitchen easily, putting groceries away that Bucky hadn’t even noticed with his entire focus on you. 

He moves towards you. “Sweetheart-“

You interrupt him with your name and suddenly the fire is back in your eyes. Oh. This isn’t Bucky’s best friend coming back into his life. 

It’s his roommate coming back home. 

Just like you had promised. 

》•

Bucky tries to catch you some days. He’ll tilt his head in an attempt to force your eyes to meet his while you talk about nothing after he gets home from work. 

You always avoid them, terrified one look into the blue you’ve loved for so long and you’ll crumble at his feet. You chatter about nothing important, the weather outside and your neighbor upstairs who always stomps around at four in the morning. 

Bucky always listens intently and you begin to feel a little guilty for cutting him out completely. You just needed some time to get over him, then one day you could come home and watch Law and Order with him again and cook dinner together. 

But for now, you pretend he’s nothing more than a roommate and like you’re not desperately in love with him. 

It’ll work. It has to work. 

》

Your name is like honey coming from Steve’s lips. He’s got a kind smile on his face as he hands over your coffee. He had slipped behind you in line at the coffee shop with a sheepish hello.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You say softly as you take it from him. “I can pay for my own coffee.” You can see the ingredients scribbled onto the side of his paper cup and it makes you smile into your sip.

Steve Rogers had a sweet tooth. 

“Day off? Or just a break?” You hold the coffee shop door open for him to follow you out onto the street. Steve gives you a thankful smile. 

“Break. I’m heading back to the office now.” He takes a sip of his drink. There were two weeks left of November and the streets of New York were doing their annual flip. Christmas lights going up too early and gloomy skies overhead.

You walk beside him, one hand shoved into your pocket. “Mind if I walk with you? I’m off today and I am so bored just sitting around the apartment.” 

“Not at all!” Steve answers quickly. There’s a slight flush on his cheeks that you attribute to the wind nipping at both your cheeks. “I could use the company of someone other than corporate lawyers.” 

You laugh at his dramatic eye roll. “You know most of your friends work at that firm.” Steve gives you an unapologetic smile. “Two friends and I can admit they can both be dicks sometimes.” 

He looks at you like he knows something and you swallow, turning to look straight ahead of you. “I disagree.” You finally say after a moment. He looks down at you with furrowed eyebrows. “Sam is always a sweetheart.”

That startles a laugh out of Steve, who looks at you with a shine in his eyes. He shakes his head and looks down at the sidewalk in front of him. “You okay? I know that-“ 

“-I’m fine.” You cut him off. You look up at him with a half smile. “And we don’t have to talk about it. In fact, let’s not.” You force out a laugh and Steve nods slowly.

You end up walking the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. Steve has a reassuring presence, something you don’t think you’ve ever even realized until now. Warmth radiates off of his body and his eyes give everything he feels away. Steve is a good apple. At least that’s what your grandmother would say if she had met him.

“This is me.” Steve says softly as he slows to a stop outside the corporate building. If you look around you’ll notice every building near by looks almost exactly the same. “Thanks for walking with me.” He says softly with a nervous smile.

You smile back. “Thanks for buying me coffee.” You hold it up towards him as if to show him. “And for letting me tag along.”

Steve shakes his head. You’re sure he has to get back to work soon, you know their days are usually full and small breaks like this were just that - small. “You don’t have to thank me. I… I like hanging out with you. You’re cool.” He scrunches his nose up when he realizes what he’s just said but you giggle.

“Cool?” You ask with a teasing smile. Steve looks down at his feet with red dusting his cheeks. “I think you’re cool too.” The words are soft as you nudge his boot clad foot with yours.

Steve looks up with bright eyes. “Yeah?” You nod and he smiles to himself. “We should… We should hang out more.” He suggests hesitantly.

Your eyes widen as you look at him. Steve looks about two seconds away from being sick with nerves and it’s sweet. Completely and utterly tooth rottingly sweet that someone is this nervous around you. Your heart picks up at him wanting to hang out more.

“Like dates?” You question quietly. Steve turns a bright shade of right and you’re reminded of Bucky blurting his secret out weeks ago. “I would like that.” You don’t give him a chance to respond to your first question.

He smiles so bright that you’re blinded by it. “Yeah?” You nod with a small smile. “Yeah. Now go back to work!” You shove his shoulder lightly which makes him laugh. “You have my number.”

He’s nodding happily as he backs away. “I do! I’ll text you?”

“Please!” You laugh as he pushes through the glass doors backwards, almost running over a women. He smiles awkwardly at her before facing you once again. You wave as he disappears into the crowd of people. 

When he’s out of sight you let out a sigh. He was kind and incredibly endearing. Steve was a man every woman would be lucky to date. Why did you feel so guilty for flirting then? 

You know why. 

You ignore it.

》

Bucky watches with pursed lips from his spot by the front desk as you and Steve chat outside. He tries his best to read lips, but your both standing at an angle that makes it near impossible.

“You’re not creepy at all.” The voice makes him jump and he turns to look at Sam, leaning against the opposite side of the reception desk. Martha, the woman who runs the desk, looks between them in amusement. “Steve is some kind of psychic, huh?” He snorts.

Bucky turns his glare onto Sam. “It’s not my fault they’re out there for everyone to see.” He snaps before turning his eyes back on the scene in front of him.

Sam laughs loudly and Bucky watches his Steve embarrasses himself by running into a girl leaving the building. He would feel better about it, if he couldn’t see you smiling brightly at the man.

Bucky loves Steve, but he wants nothing more than to punch him in the face for not staying away from you. Even though Bucky is fully aware you’re both adults with minds of you own, he had never imagined Steve would actually sweep you off your feet.

When Steve makes his way towards Sam and Bucky, Sam has got a cheesy smile on his face and Bucky can do nothing but glare. “Got myself a date, boys.” He smacks a hand against Bucky’s back.

“It’s like… She was run right into my arms.” He smirks before making his way towards the elevator. Sam follows behind Steve with another loud laugh.

Bucky is left standing in the lobby alone. He watches your form retreat across the street and sighs. He had made a mess of things, huh?

》

You can’t get the dress to zip up all the way. You’ve tried a multitude of angles, from pulling the dress up and trying to reach it over your shoulder to almost breaking your arm at an awkward angle.

You sigh in defeat as you stand in front of your mirror. You can hear Bucky in his room across the hall, music playing a little too loud and his footsteps around the room. He’s got his cleaning playlist on, it forces a small smile to appear on your face.

You suck in a deep breath. Roommates helped each other with zippers. It was normal, Bucky could help you with a zipper.

“Bucky.” You knock softly on his door. There’s no answer, he probably can’t hear anything over the music. You knock harder. “Bucky?” The music stops and you suck in a nervous breath.

His door flies open and his eyes widen when he sees you standing in the half zipped dress. His eyes narrow. “What’s up?”

Your fingers fidget in front of your stomach as you look at him nervously. “Can you… Can you help me zip the rest of the way? I just can’t get it.” You admit sheepishly.

Bucky nods. “Turn around.” He orders softly and you do as he says. His fingers find the zipper stuck halfway up your back and your breath hitches. You think you hear his do the same as he begins to pull it up slowly.

It’s a tense silence as his hands rest on your back for a second too long. When he drops them back to his side, you turn to look at him. He shuts his eyes tightly and sighs. “Listen. About what happened-“

There’s a knock at your door that makes you step away. You look at Bucky apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” You take a few stumbling steps away.

You feel his eyes on you as you move through the apartment and collect your purse and jacket. When you open the door, Steve is standing there with flowers and it makes you pause.

Bucky’s bedroom door slams shut when you pull the flowers into your own hand. His music starts playing again as you get them into water. You and Steve smile awkwardly at each other.

When Steve’s hand lands on your lower back to guide you out of the building, all you can think is Bucky’s hands there earlier, warmer and somehow softer, you try to ignore how wrong it feels.

You were moving on. It would get better.

》•

Bucky’s pathetic. That much he knows. Four drinks in and he’s missing you desperately. All he can think about is Steve’s hand on your back and how you look in that red dress.

Did you know it was Steve’s favorite color? Is that why you had worn it? He had seen the black lace of your bra underneath when zipping the dress for you, had you worn that on purpose too? 

He feels like he’s hit rock bottom. Like it can’t get worse than this. His best friend on a date with his other best friend who he wasn’t talking to anymore because he wanted a friends with benefits thing. 

I had other friends, he thinks. Friends who I could stand to lose. Why did I want her? Why did I do that?

Annoyingly enough, Steve’s voice is what answers him. You’re in love with her. The words make Bucky jolt up in his seat because, well, he’s never thought that before. He’s always known he loved you in a platonic sense and that he cared for you deeply, but being in love with you?

That can’t be it. Bucky didn’t really do being in love. He’s seen what that does to people. He saw what it did to his mother, heartbroken and left with two kids to raise on her own. He’s seen what heartbreak has done to Becca, who used to lock herself away in her room and spend hours crying over boys who weren’t worth it.

He snorts to himself, taking another sip of his drink. They say you can only go up from from rock bottom. Bucky thinks he’s got some kind of special ability to go lower though as he stares at his phone. 

He wants to text you and beg you to come home. He calls his mom instead. “Ma?” He asks quietly when she picks the phone up. “It’s Bucky.”

“I have caller ID. I know.” She lets out a laugh. “What’s up? You sound upset, my love.” She asks gently.

“I fucked up, Ma.” Bucky admits after a moment of silence. “I…” 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” She sounds panicked and Bucky immediately feels bad for worrying her. 

“No I mean, like, with Y/N. I fucked up with her.” He explains. His mother inhales sharply at the sound of his best friends name.

“What happened?” She asks softly, almost knowingly.

“We… I… I’m not meant for relationships? You know? Love? It always ends bad so I told her we could just be friends with some benefits.” He feels a little embarrassed sharing this with his mother, but he doesn’t have anybody else to turn to. “And I fucked it up. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.” Bucky can admit that he blurred the lines. That he didn’t treat you like just a friend, but when had he ever? You’d always been a little closer than normal friends. 

“Oh Bucky.” His mother murmurs, her tone isn’t disappointed, just sad. “I’m so sorry your father did this to you.” Bucky rubs a hand over his face. “Ma-“ 

“-No, Bucky. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the value of romantic love. Of love that keeps you warm and love that makes your heart race.” She says quietly. 

“It always ends in heartbreak. I don’t need it.” He says defensively. It’s silent, Bucky listens to his mom breathe before finally whispering, “What if I’m like him? What if I ruin her life?” 

“Oh sweetheart, you’re nothing like him.” Her voice cracks. “You’re good. You’re a good man. You’re empathetic. You care deeply. You don’t have to be afraid of ending up like him, you’ve already proven you won’t.” 

“Doesn’t feel like that.” Bucky lets out a short laugh. “Feels like I already am.” 

“James Buchanan Barnes. I am not going to sit here and listen to you talk about yourself like this. You’re not like him because you see what you’ve done wrong. Because you feel remorse.” She says heatedly. “Your father never felt bad for what he did or who he hurt, that’s what makes you different. That’s what makes you better.” 

Bucky wipes hastily at the tears that he hadn’t realized were falling down his cheeks until now. Has he always been this much of a light weight? Full of emotion and regrets that are only amplified by his drunkenness. 

“I love that girl like she’s my own.” His mother’s voice brings him back. “So, what are you gonna do to fix this? I already bought her Christmas present.” 

Bucky laughs. His chest feels a little lighter. “Leave her alone.” He answers genuinely. He can almost see his mother’s mouth open in protest. “She’s on a date with Steve. I can’t ruin that for either of them.” 

There’s a sigh on the other end of the line. “You’re a good man, Bucky. Every good man makes mistakes. It’ll all work out.” She says vehemently. 

“I love you, ma. Thank you.” Bucky looks at the bottle in front of him. “I love you too. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She asks gently. “Okay.” He nods as she hangs up. 

Her words help, but he’s still filled with guilt as he thinks of you. He had never wanted things to become this messed up with you. The last thing he wanted was for you to hate him.

Then why’d you do it? Bucky pulls at his hair. Since when was his subconscious so annoying? Was it the drinks? It’s your voice next. I mean nothing to you? 

“No. Shut up.” Bucky says to himself before standing up, his knee knocking against the coffee table painfully. He groans, but doesn’t stop moving. He feels like he’s going to be sick. He is going to be sick, he realizes as he forces the bathroom door open. 

He throws up. He’s not sure if it’s from the drinks or this overwhelming feeling of pure angst in his chest. A feeling that makes his lungs constrict and his heart ache.

He briefly wonders if this is heartbreak. And if it was, did that mean Steve was right? Bucky loved you?

He makes it back to the couch and starts a random movie in an attempt to stay up and wait for you. To talk or something. He was so, so sick of not talking to you.

But he falls asleep less than fifteen minutes later and he doesn’t hear you step into the apartment.

》•

“I had a really nice time tonight.” You say quietly. It’s almost midnight and you’re sure your neighbors wouldn’t appreciate you waking them up. “Thank you for taking me out.”

Steve stuffs his hands into his jacket pocket and gives you a grin. “Thanks for letting me take you out.”The two of you look at each other before breaking eye contact with awkward laughs. “We should do this again.”

You nod. “We should!” You lean up and press a kiss to his cheek before turning towards your door. “I’ll see you later, Steve.” You say softly before pushing the door open.

Steve gives you a short wave with a happy smile. “See you.” He begins to back away, down the hallway. “I’ll just.” He jabs a thumb over his shoulder before spinning around to walk straight.

You laugh silently to yourself as you finally step into your apartment and shut the door behind you. With your eyes shut tightly, you lean your back against the door and let out a sigh.

Your silence is disturbed by a groan and your eyes shoot open. Bucky’s laying on the couch, one arm hanging off and a bottle of whiskey sitting almost completely empty in front of him.

“Oh, Bucky.” You let out a sad sigh as you drop your purse and keys on the entryway table. His eyes are squeezed shut, you can tell he’s in a deep sleep.

When you stand in front of him, you push the stray hairs that are stuck to his sweaty forehead back. He’s flushed and you don’t know exactly how much he’s had to drink, but he was definitely drunk. You allow your nails to trace over his cheekbones and jawline in admiration.

You move away, suddenly aware of what you’re actually doing. You move quickly, picking up the empty glass and whiskey bottle and moving towards the kitchen. You leave the glass in the sink and stuff the bottle back into your drinks cabinet.

You think of just going back to your room, but you know you can’t leave Bucky shivering on the couch. You grab a clean glass and fill it with water before placing it on the coffee table in front of you. You pull out your travel Advil from your purse and sit it next to glass. His favorite blanket is draped over the back your lounge chair. You pull it off and drape it over him gently. Bucky snuffles then turns so his face is pressed into the couch.

You look down at Bucky again before leaving him in the room.

》

It’s like there’s a shift between you and Bucky after your date with Steve. You’re kinder and you seem to be more open with him again, while all Bucky wants to do is hide away in his room.

Every time you sit across from him in the living room or join him for dinner, he feels panic rise in him like vile and he ends up sitting tensely beside you.

Because you’re figuring your shit out. You want to be friends with Bucky again while Steve takes you out every weekend. It’s perfect. Going swimmingly, really.

Except, Bucky is falling apart. Every time you go out with Steve he makes himself sick thinking about what you’re doing. He’s stuck in this constant cycle of why does it hurt so much and you love her you love her you love her.

He just wants to scream so what? Even if he did love you, what did it matter? It’s not like it would change anything. You had never told him you loved him, you had only been angry because he had given you mixed signals. Now, you had moved on to someone easy, someone without commitment fears and who didn’t give you mixed signals.

So, even if he did love you, why would he say anything. Why would he ruin something good for you? He wanted to prove his mother right. He was better than his father, and he wouldn’t ruin something good for you. Not when he was the one who had driven you away. Sick sense of irony, the way this worked out.

》

You’re trying. You can tell Bucky is too. As you come further out of your shell again, he sticks to staunch boundaries and has ceased all of his old affectionate gestures. You know it makes sense and it’s for the best. Even if it does nothing but remind you of what you had grown used to with him before all this.

Besides, you couldn’t blame Bucky for not feeling the same way you did. Not when you had agreed to just benefits and not when you had never told him the truth. 

And Steve was sweet. Steve was gentle and kind and kissed you like you mattered. He held your hand in public and introduced you as his date when you ran into people he knew.

He was good. You cared for him, a lot, and you were desperate for it to work out. For it to work out with Steve and for it to work out with Bucky.

That’s how this night started. These thoughts and a plan. A stupid fucking plan for moving on. Drinks with everyone. Wanda, Vision, Sam, Steve… Bucky.

Bucky who was talking to a redhead at the bar. Bucky who you couldn’t stop staring at as he smiled and charmed her. Your fist tightened around your glass as you watch her nails inch towards his hand.

“Another round of drinks?” Sam’s voice pulls you from your stare. You shake your head to yourself and glance around table. Everybody’s glasses are empty except yours. “I’ll go!” You offer as you drain the last of your drink quickly.

You stand up before anybody at the table can question it. “I can help you.” Steve goes to stand, but you place a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Bucky’s up there. I’m sure he’ll help!” You give him a big smile, one that he answers with furrowed eyebrows. You don’t think much of it as you spin on your heel and make a beeline for the bar.

You don’t see the look Wanda shoots you or the glance Sam and Steve share. You stop right behind Bucky and lean on the counter as you order then you tap him on his shoulder.

He spins quickly. “What’s up? Everyone okay?” He asks, his eyes shifting between you and the table of your friends.

“Yeah!” You give him a small smile. “I was sent for drinks and I didn’t realize how many there were. Think you could help?”

He glances between you and the redhead, who’s giving you a kind smile as she waits. You smile in return before looking up at Bucky again. “Please?” You tack on with a pout.

Bucky laughs. “Yeah. Whatever.” He looks down at the woman again. “You wanna join us? Promise everyone is super cool.”

Your eyes widen as the drinks are placed in front of you. She wasn’t supposed to come. This was supposed to… You pause.

This was supposed to get him away from her. Back to your side.

“Yeah!” You give her a fake smile. “You should join us, we could always use more girls.” You chuckle as you lift three glasses.

Bucky grabs the other three before looking at the woman in question. She shrugs before grabbing her own glass to follow after you two.

You hand out the glasses before taking your seat beside Steve again. He arm comes up to rest behind your chair and you can’t shake the urge to push it off.

“Guys, this is Natasha.” Bucky gestures to the woman besides him before pulling a chair out for her. “Natasha. Wanda, Vision, Steve, Sam.” He points everyone out before finishing off with you. She smiles politely at all of you. You grind your teeth as he sits beside her.

The group seems to take a liking to her right away. She laughs at Sam’s jokes and compliments Wanda’s engagement ring. You’re burning with jealously as Bucky flirts in front of all of you.

It’s wholly irrational, a sober you would know that this jealously doesn’t really make sense. Three mixed drinks in though and it feels like Bucky is doing this to hurt you.

It feels like he’s showing you what he could never do with you. He never flirted with you in front of your friends or allowed his hand to inch towards yours on the table in front of them.

Bucky was secretly affectionate with you. It was tangled feet on Sunday mornings and cuddling Saturday nights. Sex in the middle of night and… heartbreak the next morning.

So his drifting hand and charming smile directed towards Natasha is suffocating you with insecurity. What did she have?

“I’m going home.” You stand abruptly when Bucky leans towards her with a laugh. Your shaky on your feet and Steve reaches a hand out to stabilize you. Everyone looks at you with confusion. “I… I don’t feel good.”

“I’ll walk you home.” Steve stands immediately.

You shake your head. “No!” When he freezes and looks at you with hurt eyes you smile tightly. “I mean, I’m going to take a Lyft. You stay here, have fun.”

“At least let me wait with you. So you’re not in the cold alone.” He insists and you nod slowly.

You really want to be alone, to wallow in this feeling, but Steve was nice and of course he wouldn’t let you go alone.

You watch Bucky for a moment, like you expect him to say something, to offer to come with you. Like he always did, but his attention shifts back to Natasha as Steve’s arm wraps around your waist.

It’s silent as he guides you out of the bar and tense as you order the Lyft. “Fifteen minutes.” You say softly.

Steve nods and looks around the almost empty street. You open your mouth to break the awkward silence, but he beats you to it.

“What happened between you and Bucky?” He asks quietly, his hands stuffed into his jacket pocket, and his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.

You swallow thickly. “He didn’t tell you?” You ask instead of answering the question.

“He told me you guys had a friends with benefits thing going on. Then he told me you didn’t.” He doesn’t look angry, just sad as he stares down at you. “You know Bucky, he doesn’t share a lot.”

You look down at the sidewalk, your heel scuffing against it nervously. “I don’t know. I read things wrong, I guess. I… I thought we had a chance?” Your tone is questioning and you let out a laugh in a self-deprecating manner.

“You still love him?” You eyes shoot up to meet Steve’s. You open your mouth to say something, anything, to turn this conversation around but the door opening takes your attention off of the conversation.

It’s Bucky and Natasha, laughing softly with one another. You turn away quickly and feel the vomit rise in your throat. “I’m gonna be sick.” You murmur before throwing up all over Steve’s shoes. He grimaces and takes a step back as the couple turns around at the sound of you.

Bucky calls out your name. You can’t look up, instead you drop to the ground and sit on the sidewalk ledge.“Are you okay?” Bucky kneels down beside you as you cough.

“I’m fine. You can go. Go.” You urge, unable to look up at him. Bucky doesn’t budge though, his hand coming up to push back the hairs stuck to your forehead. “Bucky. Please.” You groan.

“I’ll walk her home.” Bucky says to Steve, ignoring your pleas. “The air will do her some good and the car moving will only make her feel worse.”

Steve looks between you two hesitantly. “I don’t know, I can take her.” You still feel nauseous, especially at the idea of Steve who you’re pretty sure just broke up with you wanting to keep you away from Bucky for your comfort.

When you look up, Natasha is standing behind Bucky with worried eyes. You feel tears gather in the corner of your eyes as they move to Bucky. He smiles gently, his hand still resting against your cheek. “Let me walk you home, sweets.”

The nickname makes your heart soar. Months of nothing but your first name and you feel like you’re floating at the sound of it. “Okay.” You nod, your hand coming up to rest on his. “Okay.” You pull out your phone to cancel the Lyft.

He helps you stand. “I’ll see you.” He says apologetically to Natasha. She doesn’t look upset, in fact she smiles at him like she knows something you two don’t. “I’ll let you know when we get home.” He says to Steve, who nods before following Natasha inside.

You feel flushed and hot all over. A horrible mixture of drinks, jealously and nausea settling in your stomach. It makes you horribly dizzy and you’re forced to lean against Bucky heavily for support.

“One step at a time, sweets.” Bucky says softly, his metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist.

》

“Almost there.” Bucky exhales a deep breath as he all but carries you towards the couch. He’d given up on getting you down the hall, you had pretty much become dead weight and getting you down the hall to the apartment had taken a lot out of Bucky. “Few more steps, sweets.”

Bucky’s cheeks are red and his entire body is warm. It’s been so long since he’s been this close to you and he can’t help but feel his heart grow as you latch onto him.

“Easy. Easy.” He murmurs as he sits you down gently on the couch. You mumble incoherently as you head lands on the back of the couch.

He pulls away from you and pulls his phone out. Sorry to leave you, maybe we can catch up another time?

Maybe. As friends, of course.

Bucky glances at you before looking back down at his phone, he begins to type but another message pops up quickly.

I saw the way you looked at her, I don’t think you’re looking for a girlfriend! It’s okay :)

Bucky leaves the phone sitting on the coffee table as he focuses his attention back on you. You open your eyes and look at him sadly. “What’s wrong with me?” You ask quietly.

“Nothing.” Bucky responds immediately, his hand reaching out for your cheek. The moan of relief you let out at the coolness of his metal appendage goes straight through Bucky. “Nothing is wrong with you.” He forces his voice to stay steady.

He takes a seat next to you on the couch and drops his hand back to his lap. While you stare at the carpeted floor, Bucky’s eyes trail over you. He takes in the skin tight pants and soft sweater. The way your legs look makes him swallow thickly. You were beautiful and Bucky loved you. 

The thought makes him pause, but it doesn’t scare him nearly as much as he thought it would. He did. He loved you. He knew looking at you now that the months of questioning it and then trying to make himself believe it was just as a friend as you dated Steve, was all in vain. He loved you. Maybe he had loved this whole time. 

You look up at him suddenly, like you can hear his thoughts, and Bucky is frozen in his spot. You move towards him slowly and he can’t do anything but watch. 

You crawl into his lap and Bucky’s hands immediately rest on your waist to hold you steady. “What… What’re doing?” He can’t hide the shock in his tone. He has to hold back a moan as your hands come up to run through his hair. You left yanks gently at the hair on the back of his head to force him to look up at you and Bucky is unable to stop the moan from slipping out then.

You smile down at him cheekily. “Want you to fuck me.” Your already slurred words are murmured, so Bucky almost doesn’t understand you. “It’s been so long, Buck.” You grind down and he chokes on his own spit, not expecting his night to end like this.

“You gotta stop, sweets.” His grip on you waist tightens in an attempt to halt your movements. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing.” He says, looking back up at you. 

Your hands rest on his shoulders and you shake your head. “I know I hated seeing you with her. I hate not having you. Please, I miss you.” You whisper pleadingly.

The words pain Bucky. “I miss you too, but you don’t want this.” He gently pushes you off of his lap and back onto the couch cushions beside him.

Your head falls to your hands while your elbows rest against your legs. “Why don’t you want me?” You look back up at him with wet eyes. Bucky freezes. Is that what you thought? That he didn’t want you? 

“Sweetheart, you have no idea how much I want you.” He admits, reaching out to pull your hands away from your face completely. You shake your head and pull yourself away from him. 

“If you wanted me you wouldn’t have flirted with her all night. In front of me. In front of our friends.” Bucky looks at you with wide eyes. How could you be upset with him over that when you had gone with Steve? When you had been dating Steve? 

“You’re with Steve.” He reminds you. “Am I supposed to not flirt with other people? You told me we were just roommates. We’re barely even friends!” He exclaims. 

“No! I told you that because you hurt me.” You wipe tears off of your cheeks. “You… You made me feel like I was something to you then told me I was just a fuck. I was hurt.” You explain. “God, you- I loved you so much and you just - just-“ 

“You love me?” Bucky cuts you off. He knows you’re drunk, but the words make his heart race. He feels his eyes soften as he stares at your form. 

The tears gathered in your eyes begin to fall down your cheeks as you shake your head hastily. “Loved you. I loved you. But you didn’t love me, so I moved on.”

Bucky didn’t know it was possible to physically feel your heart break, but here he was, his heart cracking painfully as you look away from him.

“I’m so tired.” You whisper. “Why could you flirt with her in front of all our friends? Why… Why was I a dirty secret?”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say to you. Doesn’t know how to explain to you that he wasn’t afraid of losing her the way he was you. He didn’t know her at all, he certainly didn’t know her the way he knew you.

“We should get you to bed.” Bucky stands abruptly. His hands come down to hold your arms gently as he helps you stand. “We can talk in the morning.”

You allow him to pull you up, it looks like you’ve given up on furthering the conversation. Bucky picks you up bridal style to carry you down the hall.

Your arms rest loosely around his neck. “Steve broke up with me.” You say as Bucky drops you onto your mattress. “He knows about us. He doesn’t want someone who… who…” You trail off before falling into a fit coughs.

“We’ll talk in the morning.” Bucky says softly, his fingers trailing over your cheeks. “I promise, sweetheart.” You already have a water bottle on your nightstand, so Bucky searches your vanity for Advil.

He leaves two pills beside the bottle. You’re already dozing off, your eyes fluttering shut, so Bucky leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. When he goes to pull back, your hand shoots out and wraps around his wrist. “Stay. Please.” You whisper.

Bucky hesitates for a second before nodding and sitting beside you on the bed as he pulls his shoes off. His heart races as he moves to lay beside you and he feels flushed as you curl into his side.

He allows himself to relax with you in his arms. It had been so long since you’ve been beside him like this and Bucky lets himself feel love as you do. 

Is this what he had been afraid of the entire time? 

》

You wake up hot, nauseous and with a pounding headache.

And something wrapped tightly around you. When you open your eyes fully, the first thing you see is a metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You groan when your eyes trail up and the sunlight streaming in from your window hits you.

A deeper groan is returned and it makes you freeze. You rack your brain for what happened last night, but all you could remember was getting sick outside the bar and Bucky taking you home. Had you said something? Had he?

You turn over in his arms and look up at him. His eyes are still closed and he’s letting out steady, soft breaths.

“Bucky.” You whisper, your hand coming up to rest against his chest. “Bucky, wake up.” You say a little louder.

His eyes snap open and immediately he pulls away from you. “Shit. Sorry. I’m sorry. You… You…” He sots up and rubs a hand over his face.

“I don’t… What happened? I just remember you walking me home.” You sit up slowly. You’re still wearing your leggings and the sweater from last night. You groan. “I’m sorry I took you away from…” He shakes his head. 

“It’s okay. I offered. You asked me to stay when I got you into bed, I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable.” His apology is sincere and you suck in a deep breath.

“It’s okay. I don’t… You know I don’t mind falling asleep with you.” Neither of you move or say anything, just sit on opposite sides of your bed in awkward silence. “I-“

“I love you.” Bucky blurts effectively cutting you off. Your eyes widen and your pulse quickens as you stare at him. You had not been expecting that. “And… I’m sorry it took all of this. Not being friends, Steve, drinks, for me to realize, but I do. I think I’ve always loved you, I just… I didn’t know it.”

You shake your head as you try to process what he’s saying. “I don’t… I don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”

“I… Seeing you with Steve. I didn’t… It killed me inside.” Bucky admits.

“And you think that means you love me?” You spit out. “You said it yourself, Bucky Barnes doesn’t do relationships.” You shake your head. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have my attention anymore.”

“That’s not true.” Bucky says adamantly. He turns his body on the bed so it’s facing you. “It made me realize I love you. It made me realize my favorite time of the day is when I get to spend time with you. That our Sundays spent reading and Saturdays watching Law and Order were always better than bars or parties because I was with you. I… I want to do the relationship things with you. Holding hands, just sleeping together. Telling people you’re my girlfriend.”

You stare at him tearfully. “How do you know it’s love? That you didn’t just miss me?”

“I know what it’s like to miss you. This feeling? This warmth in my chest when you’re around and the ache there when you’re gone? That’s not missing you. I...” He pauses. “I love you. And It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore-“

“-Anymore?” You question. Your eyes squeeze shut as you headache gets worse. “Bucky, what-“

“You told me you loved me last night. You were drunk, I know, but-“

“Fuck.” You laugh to yourself as you take in everything he has said. Pieces of last night come flashing back to your mind. Crawling into Bucky’s lap, crying, admitting you had loved him. “Oh God.” You groan, rubbing your hands over your face.

“Bucky you don’t have to-“ You shake your head. “You don’t have to try and make this something it isn’t because you feel bad.”

“I’m not.” Bucky reaches a hand out to rest on your back. “What can I do to make you believe me?”

You look over at him. “Prove it.”

》

Steve meets him for coffee later that morning. You’re out with Wanda for Sunday brunch and Bucky is on his final stop of his apology tour. 

“Hey.” Steve looks up from his phone and smiles at Bucky. “Can I sit?” Bucky motions to the chair across from him and Steve nods.

Steve pushes a black coffee over to Bucky, whose nose scrunches up at the scent. Fair, Bucky thinks. “What’s up?” Steve asks quietly. “You missed our run this morning.”

Bucky looks down at the table. “I had some stuff to deal with. You know with-“ Bucky cuts himself when Steve nods. “Listen, I wanted to say I’m sorry. Shit was never supposed to get this messed up.”

Steve shrugs. “You tell her?” He gives Bucky a knowing smile. “That you love her?”

Bucky gives him a small smile in return. “I did. Yeah.” He taps his fingers against the table. “She’s got some, uh, trust issues with me. But it makes sense. We’re gonna take it slow.”

“I’m happy for you, Buck.” Steve admits after taking a sip of his drink. “I was never mad or angry with you. I always knew she still cared for you and I think I always knew it would never be anything serious.”

Bucky nods. “Thanks, Steve.” He looks down at his coffee with an appreciative smile.

“Besides,” Steve smirks, “Natasha is super cool. We exchanged numbers last night after she asked about what was going on between you two.”

》

Bucky invites you to spend Christmas with his family. You don’t even have to think about it before you say yes. Christmases with his family were always full of warmth and love; You absolutely loved it. 

You’re more excited to be here this year too, to celebrate with him in this way. As his girlfriend, you had heard him tell Rebecca over the phone when informing her of his plans to drive up to see them Christmas Eve. 

You had the perfect gift for him too, well, you have a few gifts for him. Most of them could wait for Christmas with his mom and sister, but there were two you were just desperate to see his reaction to.  

That’s why you slip out of his room in the early hours of the morning when the sky is still dark and everybody is asleep. 

That’s how Bucky wakes up, a small, wrapped box sitting on the nightstand and you nowhere to be found. Bucky eyes the box warily before looking around the rest of his bedroom. Your suitcase is unzipped and he can tell it’s be riffled through before being shoved back into the corner os his room.

His door is pushed open quietly. “Why are you up?” His voice makes you jump and spin so your back slams against the door. Bucky has to bite back a laugh as you take a couple deep, calming breaths. 

“I...I was going to wake you up.” You tip toe across the room and crawl into bed beside Bucky. You suck in a deep, nervous breath. While you and Bucky had been dating for the past few weeks, you had also been taking it slow. “For gifts.” 

Bucky’s eyebrows furrow as he sits up a little straighter in bed. “Gifts? It’s five in the morning, I promise Becca and my mom are in such deep sleep we couldn’t wake them if we tried.”

Kind of what I’m banking on, you think. “No. I mean.. Our gifts, for each other.” You explain in a soft voice, before reaching over to pick up the small box you had left sitting on the nightstand. “I didn’t want to give you this in front of your family and I don’t think I can wait.” You admit a little sheepishly. 

Bucky looks down at the box with a soft smile. “Just let me get one of your gifts.” He sits it down on the comforter before crawling out of the bed and moving to his suitcase. He picks up a small box, wrapped in the same gift paper his is because he had stolen your roll, and smiles up at you.

He hands it over and the two of you just stare at each other with bright, happy smiles before tearing into the wrapping paper at the same time. Your mouth drops open in shock when you open the box.

A bracelet is staring back at you. A silver band filled with charms that make you smile as you run your fingertips over each one. Your alma mater’s mascot. The Brooklyn Bridge. A bottle of wine. “Buck...” You trail off in awe. “This is beautiful.”

“Sweets.” He says the nickname gently and you look up to watch him pull the watch out of the box with a small smile. “This is...” He flips it over in his hand and his eyes widen when he notices the engraving on the back.

the best lovers start as friends.

“I love you.” He runs a finger of the engraved metal as you whisper softly, “I... I’ve loved you for so long, Buck, and having your love in return is unlike anything I could have imagined.” 

Bucky drops the watch on the bed between you as he reaches across to pull you into a bruising kiss. You drop your own gift onto the bed and reach up to rest a hand on his chest. 

“I love you.” Bucky pulls away to whisper the words. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” He punctuates each sentence with a kiss to your skin. You giggle softly as he moves towards you and his hand settles on your waist. 

“I have something else for you.” You pull away to remove the bracelet and watch from the bed. Bucky watches as you move so you’re on your knees with intrigued eyes. You smile coyly as you move to pull his shirt over your head. 

Bucky lets out a low moan as his eyes trail over your body, covered in dark green lace. “What’s this?” His fingers come up to trace over the lace and leave goosebumps in their wake. 

“Your second gift.” You murmur breathlessly as he fingers drift lower and lower. Bucky smirks as he leans towards you and presses a kiss to your neck, then across your collar bone until he’s trailing kisses down the valley of your breasts. 

He pulls away after a moment and looks up at you questioningly. “Are you sure?” 

You smile down at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I wouldn’t have dropped this much money on lingerie if I wasn’t sure.” His arms wrap tightly around your waist as he pulls your body flush against his. 

“What did I do to deserve a gift like this?” He looks up at you with a bright smile. You run a hand through his hair. “Love me.” You answer genuinely. Red dusts Bucky’s cheeks at your words as you lean in to kiss him. 

You shift so you’re straddling Bucky’s lap. “Gonna fuck me?” You murmur in question against his lips. Bucky moans against you and his hips buck up involuntarily. His hand drops from your waist to your thigh and he trails his fingertips up. 

“You look so pretty, sweets.” He smirks up at you as his hand pushes the lace aside. He runs the tip of his index finger over your wet folds and you push down already wanting more from him. “Patience, sweetheart. Let me take you in. I wanna enjoy my gift.”

You moan as he begins to rub slowly against your clit. “Want you to ride my thigh first, sweets.” Bucky shifts you so your legs are straddled over his left thigh.

You moan as your clit rubs against his thigh. You pull at the waist band and his sweatpants and he helps you pull them off of his legs before situating your body back over him. “Fuck.” You let out a deep sigh as his hands land on your hips.

His eyes are dark and pupils blown as he stares at you above him. Bucky’s already hard, you can see his dick straining against his briefs. He doesn’t do more than lightly guide you by the hands on your hips, but his eyes watching you intently as you moan is enough to make your stomach twist in pleasure.

“Fuck, James.” He groans as his first name tumbles out of your mouth in a breathy moan. “You look so pretty on my thigh, sweetheart. I love watching you.”

He leans forward then, to press kisses across your breasts as you move back and forth against him. “Feels so good.” One of your hands twists in his hair and Bucky moans against your skin.

You move faster against him as you feel yourself get wetter. You moan his name like a mantra as Bucky’s hands grip you tighter and tighter.

Bucky’s hands force you to a stop. You whine at the lost of pleasure, but it’s not long before Bucky has you flipped so you’re laying on your back beneath him.

“Gonna fuck you, is that okay sweets?” He leans back to pull his shirt off and you nod hastily as your hands come up to pull at his briefs. It’s not long before you’re bare underneath him, the lace garments discarded to the floor of his bedroom.

“Gotta be quiet.” He runs his tip over you folds in a teasing manner that almost makes you moan out. Instinctively, your hips buck up with a quiet whine. His hand comes up to cover your mouth. “Don’t want Becca to hear. She’s just down the hall, sweets.”

It’s a warning and it makes heat spread through you. You’re not sure if it’s the idea that you could get caught in his childhood bedroom or the way Bucky’s voice deepens, but it makes you tired of waiting. “Please.” Your beg is muffled by his hand, but he hears it. He doesn’t wait any longer, he pushes himself all the way in and you both let out relieved moans at the feeling. “Fuck. Fuck. You always feel so good, baby.” 

Your back arches into his body as he begins fucking you at a slow pace. When he seems satisfied that you won’t make too much noise, his hand moves from your mouth he rests his forearm on the pillow beside your head. “James.” It’s a whispered moan that makes his hips stutter. “Faster. Please. I’ll be quiet.” You promise, your legs wrapping around him. Bucky leans down to press a bruising kiss to your lips as he fucks into you faster. You moan into his mouth as pleasure rushes through you. 

There’s something extremely intimate about the way he fucks into you, one hand holding onto your hip and another resting beside your head. It’s love, you realize when he pulls back to look at you with soft eyes. It does something to you, makes want rush through your veins and pulls the air from your lungs. “I love you.” You whisper into the space between you two, Bucky still pushing in and out of you. 

“I love you.” His eyes slide shut and his head falls to nuzzle into your neck. “You look at me like that again I’m not gonna last, sweets.” He press a gentle kiss to your neck before beginning to suck harshly. You’re sure there will be a mark there tomorrow that you’ll never live down, but you can’t bring yourself to care when his tongue runs over the mark and your stomach clenches in excitement. 

“Fuck. I’m so close, Bucky, please. I- I need-“ His hand is reaching between your bodies before you can spit the sentence out. His finger rubs against your clit as he quickens his pace. “Yes. Yes.” You moan, and you can immediately tell it’s too loud when Bucky freezes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You mutter, so close and desperate for him to resume his pace. 

“I know, I’m close too, but we can’t wake the house up.” You throw your head back and bite down hard enough to draw blood when he resumes his movements. He’s rubbing at your already sensitive clit and fucking you quickly, it’s all too much as your stomach tightens in pleasure. “Yeah. I can feel you, baby. Come for me, please. I need to feel you.” His tone is deep and possessive in your ear. 

When he slams into you hard, your orgasm washes over you. Your mouth opens in a moan that Bucky catches with a messy kiss. You can feel his hips stutter against you as he reaches his own high and releases into you. 

The two of you stay like that for a moment, just breathing with each other. “Merry Christmas.” You laugh softly as Bucky pulls out and moves to grab a towel from his desk chair. 

Bucky smiles as he comes to lay beside you again and wipes gently at your thighs.  He pulls the comforter up so it’s wrapped around both of you again and pulls you so your head rests against his chest. “Merry Christmas.” He whispers in return.

You glance out the window and find that it’s snowing again. You’ll probably be snowed in for the next few days, but you don’t really mind, not with Bucky here and in your arms the way you’ve always wanted. 

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // this took weeks to finish and i truly hope whoever reads it through enjoys it! 

my writing is free & will remain free. if you enjoy it and you have the resources, consider donating to my ko-fi :)

[atlabeth]

nightmares - mike munroe x reader

summary: It was a deal made by two almost-friends in the early hours of the morning after the worst night of their lives, when they realized that all they really had left was each other.

a/n: so this is once again. not my normal content but ive been on an until dawn kick lately and fell in love w the characters all over again. i dont know if anyone still reads or writes for this fandom but. here u go. enjoy

warning(s): lots of cursing, canon typical violence, mentions of graphic violence/death (but nothing too descriptive), mentioned depression, insomnia, and alcoholism, some heavy themes but its hurt/comfort so it ends in fluff

wc: 4.8k

You were running.

You were running, and it was freezing — fuck, it was freezing.

You knew your surroundings; how could you ever forget? Every fucking moment on the goddamn mountain was engraved into your mind for what you assumed would be the rest of your life, an assumption that had since been proven correct.

And now, against your will, you were back. Of course you were back.

A shudder ran through your whole body as that all-too-familiar screech rang out behind you, each second of it like nails on a chalkboard in the worst way. Your lungs burned like all hell but you couldn’t stop — if you stopped, you were as good as dead.

Some part of this fucked up thing was almost funny. Humans were always boasting about how they were the top of the food chain, how they were the height of evolution. There was nothing to keep an ego in check like being hunted by a supernatural creature.

Any thoughts of bullshit philosophy were dashed from your mind as you took a hard right, nearly falling over from the sharp curve of the mountain but just able to catch yourself. Your heart was thundering in your chest, the beats nearly lining up with your sprinting. You felt an intense urge to turn around, try and gauge your chances, but the thought of slowing down for even a second terrified you. It’s not like you needed to anyways — you knew exactly what was after you.

You were nearing the end of your road, both literally and figuratively. You stumbled over a tree root, your hands splayed out in front of yourself at just the right angle to keep your momentum going and, in some feat of luck, stay upright and running.

But your luck had just run out.

Your senses were proven correct as the harrowing cliff edge came into view, and a thousand things screamed in your mind at once as your demise stared you right in the eye. You barely managed to catch yourself, very much aware that the snow falling into the void could’ve just as well been you.

That fucking screech again, even closer than before, and you whipped around as you took an instinctive step back. Your hands patted around everywhere, searching for something to defend yourself, but you had nothing. No gun, knife, even the ground around you was devoid of rocks.

You had nothing. You had nothing to defend yourself from this goddamn nightmare creature, and you were going to die.

Your eyes darted around wildly in an attempt to find something, anything, to save yourself, but there was nothing. You took another step back and felt your foot slip, your breath catching as you barely managed to save yourself with a twist and a lunge away from the edge. The shock of the ground and the cold against your skin was just enough to remind yourself that you were actually alive. Another pile of snow mimicked the fate that seemed imminent as it trickled over the side of the cliff, and you screwed your eyes shut as you tried to shut your mind up.

Think, goddammit, if you wanted to get off of this fucking mountain you had to think—

The screech that pierced through the night sky was far too close for comfort, and as your head snapped back towards the woods you swore that your heart stopped beating.

It had caught up. You were out of time you were going to die but you didn’t have anything and you were going to fucking die—

A flash of white pushed off a tree and lunged towards you, teeth bared as it emitted that horrible screech. You didn’t even have time to scream, completely frozen in place as one clawed hand reached your neck, and you braced for the moment of release.

You shot up in your bed, breathing rapid and unsteady with a barely contained cry on the edge of your lips as your hand instinctively flew to your neck. You heaved an almost strangled sigh of relief to know that your head was still attached to your body (it might’ve seemed obvious, but… your head wasn’t exactly on straight at the moment, all jokes aside) and collapsed against the headboard.

You ran your hands across your face as you tried in vain to calm yourself down, ultimately having to turn on your lamp to ease your troubled mind that there was nothing going thump in the night.

It had been this same routine almost every night — horrible nightmare, wake up crying or screaming or both, and start the day at 3 am because you couldn’t fall back asleep.

It was exhausting. You were exhausted.

You knew you couldn’t go on like this, but what choice did you have? Therapy had been mandated by the police for a certain amount of time after the incident, but… it’s not like it had helped. How could it, when no one truly knew what you had gone through?

Well… that wasn’t completely accurate.

One person knew what you were going through, and you hadn’t said as much as one word to him since that night. You didn’t really… know what to say.

Hey. I know we’re not all that close, but I’m sorry your girlfriend and all your friends were killed by a Wendigo and that I made it instead. Hope you’re not going insane with grief. I’ll send you a card at Christmas!

...yeah. You had no idea what to say to him after months of no contact.

The relationship you had with Mike Munroe was a strange one, to say the least.

None of you were the same after that night on the mountain. The horrors of the mines would be forever entrenched in your head, flashes of the Wendigos appearing every time you closed your eyes. You and Mike were the only ones who made it off, and the guilt you carried everywhere was a burden you knew you couldn’t shoulder. And even after the physical scars had faded, you knew the mental ones never would.

Sometimes you wondered how you had even managed to get involved with the group in the first place — bonds that had been made in your freshman and sophomore years had somehow managed to stay strong enough throughout the rest of high school, strong enough to cement your spot in the friend group and the yearly lodge visits. You liked them all well enough, enough to go up to an isolated mountain with them for a weekend or so, but… yeah. Sometimes you did wonder what the hell you were doing with them.

But now?

Now, you would give almost anything to hear Sam’s laugh or one of her compliments, or tease Ashley and Chris about their very obvious feelings; hell, you found yourself missing Matt’s useless football facts. And even though Emily and Jessica weren’t always the nicest, you still had managed to worm your way into their hearts. Knowing that you would never get Emily’s brutal but helpful advice or get dragged to a football game by Jessica again?

If someone had told you the difference between life-long trauma and a completely normal existence was that blonde girl with the braids in your biology class, you might’ve thought a little harder before accepting that party invite.

The days after you were rescued from the mountain passed in a daze, questions and interrogations from police never sticking for too long. And it didn’t even feel like it mattered, the way none of them seemed to believe you.

They kept you separated from Mike throughout the whole process, and you were only able to catch glances of him when you were being transferred to different rooms throughout the long process. It really was like something out of a horror movie — a group of teens go up to a lodge in the woods, and only two return with a story of unspeakable horrors — and rather than try and work out what had happened, they seemed intent on pinning the deaths on you and Mike.

As if you weren’t dealing with enough after watching your friends get murdered by the monster of another friend, the people that were supposed to be helping you were instead trying to charge you with them. If it wasn’t so fucking infuriating, it would’ve been laughable.

The worst part? You could hardly blame them.

When you took a second to listen to yourself, to what you were spouting to the police, you sounded insane. If you hadn’t witnessed it all first hand, you wouldn’t have believed yourself.

You told them to go down to the mines. That the thing that killed your friends would be down there, and they could see it for themselves.

You didn’t know if that was the right choice. Hell, you might’ve been sending those cops to their deaths. But it was the only way you could think of to get them to believe you.

(You doubted they would go down there anyways. What was the word of two crazy college kids over actual logic? Not much, you imagined.)

You were in that damn interrogation room for what felt like forever until you were finally taken to a hospital to get your wounds treated. But even in the hospital bed, police were by your side asking about what happened every day of your stay. After your discharge, you were forced into custody until they got information that they deemed satisfactory.

By some miracle, you and Mike weren’t charged with anything. The news might’ve gotten hold of your story, but you didn’t know. You didn’t want to know. You didn’t ever look at the news after the tragedy, too afraid that you would see the smiling faces of your friends staring back at you, or pictures of you and Mike with news anchors trying to talk about how involved the two of you were.

If there was one thing worse than going through hell, it was other people trying to make a profit off of your spiral.

Your friends’ families offered their condolences, but not much else. You didn’t hold it against them. Your survivor’s guilt was strong enough to know exactly why they didn’t reach out further.

(You blame yourself for their deaths, after all. Why wouldn’t they?)

It was the same situation with Mike.

Maybe you had purposefully drifted apart from him, trying to build up walls of your own so that he wouldn’t be able to spring it on you first. You assumed he hated you after what had happened, and he had every right to. You might’ve helped each other through the night, but you had no other option. Now, everyone else but you was dead — people he cared about more than you — and you just couldn’t face that.

But as you stared at yourself in your bathroom mirror, you realized that you might have to.

You looked awful.

Weeks of sleepless nights were catching up to you, appearing in the form of

hollow eyes and dark circles, along with a slight discoloration of your skin. The scars from the mountain had mostly healed, but there was a particularly nasty gash on your cheek that was still showing — it wasn’t doing you any favors in the ‘looking completely normal and sane and not severely sleep deprived’ department.

You splashed some water in your face to try and wake up a bit, but the slight drowsiness that followed you everywhere seemed to be a permanent part of you now.

(It was almost funny, in a way. You were so paranoid and alert all the time, unable to fall asleep, and yet it was all you could think about in moments like these. You wondered when irony had become such a staple in your life.)

You had tried talking to therapists, your friends, your family, even searching the internet for advice on what to do after a life changing traumatic event. Nothing had worked.

The simplest solution had come to mind more than once, but you had pushed it aside with the determination to work through this on your own. But now, staring at yourself and seeing how much you had deteriorated…

You had to go talk to the only person who would understand.

~

You had considered turning around more than once on the drive over.

Because, really, what the hell were you doing? Showing up at his doorstep in the middle of o dark thirty because— because what?

Because you had a nightmare?

He had gone through the same thing you had, probably even worse. Losing Jessica right in front of him, having to cut off his fingers to get free, spending countless hours alone, dealing with the nightmare that was the sanatorium, and then…

Well, you had been in the mines with him and Josh when it happened. There was no doubt in your mind that the scene replayed in his head endlessly, just like it did for you.

Showing up… it was going to be a mistake. You knew it was.

For all you knew, Mike had moved on already. He was stronger than you, he always had been. Maybe your presence would send him spiraling once more, or maybe it would just earn you a verbal beating like no other. Mike had always been nice enough, but the trauma you had endured was enough to turn a saint into his own worst enemy.

You didn’t know what would happen. You didn’t know anything, and as you turned down his street you regretted more than ever not keeping in touch with him. Maybe then you wouldn’t be in this situation, scrambling after your last hope for salvation after slowly killing yourself over the past few months.

But there was no chance to turn back now, because before you knew it your knuckles were rapping against his front door.

The pause between your arrival and a response was so long that you considered leaving and pretending like this never happened, but just as you began to step back the door swung open.

You didn’t really know what you were expecting, but… he was there. The only other testament to the horrors of Blackwood Pines, and maybe the only person that could help you through this.

“...hi,” you murmured, swallowing the sudden lump in your throat as you looked the personification of your shame in the eye.

Mike blinked a few times, whether to try and wake up a little or out of surprise from his visitor you didn’t know, but it was a few seconds before he responded in kind. “...hey. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you around.”

You chuckled dryly as you nodded. “Yeah. Sorry for the sudden arrival. I’m, uh… I’m kind of surprised you even opened the door.”

He huffed out a short breath in a facsimile of a laugh. “Not getting much sleep these days.”

“That’s something we’ve got in common.” You crossed your arms across your chest and let out a loose sigh, eyes wandering around in an attempt to think of what to say next. It should’ve been so easy, but… but for some reason, it just wasn’t.

“Guess so.” That awkward silence stretched out once more, neither of you knowing how to fill it. Thankfully, Mike continued to take the plunge, but it wasn’t without a slight barb. “What are you doing here?”

“I—” you stopped just as you had begun, because you really didn’t know. You had come here for help, but could Mike really do that for you? He was the same as you — a fucked up teenager trying to deal with something so far beyond him.

“I don’t know,” you admitted as you made eye contact once more. “I… I really don’t know. I’m out of options, and… I can’t keep going like this. So I came here to talk, or— or to try and get some help. I don’t know.”

That same silence filled the air once more, the night ambiance the only thing in between the two of you. You missed when that silence used to be comfortable, but… you could only blame yourself for it.

“So— so, what?” he asked, the beginnings of a frown starting to crease his brows. “You just— we go through all that together up there, and then when we get back down you don’t say a word for months. And now— now, out of nowhere, in the middle of the night, you just show up and ask for help?”

“God,” you muttered. When he put it that way, it was true. It was ridiculous, to expect his help after the way you had just left him to deal with it all on his own for a reason borne of your own insecurity. “You’re right. This was— this was stupid. I’m sorry.”

You had already turned to go when you felt a calloused hand on your shoulder, causing you to stop in your tracks.

“No.” His voice was surprisingly soft as he sighed, stepping back with a shake of his head to make room in the doorway. “No, I—” Mike paused for a moment, as if he couldn’t find the right words to say. “I’m sorry. You can come in. Obviously, you can come in.”

Your eyes widened slightly as you tried to hide your shock at the gesture, but you weren’t about to turn it down. You nodded, and he stepped aside to make space for you to walk in. When you did, you were met with a mess not unlike the one back at your apartment, save for the beer bottles. Clothes were strewn about haphazardly on every surface, so you took a seat on a clean spot on the floor, leaning back against a chair and pulling your knees up to your chest. You actually preferred it this way — it was grounding, in a literal sense. Mike pushed aside a laundry basket and did the same, but pulled one leg up and let the other lay extended.

“Why?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence that had been accumulating once more. “Why did you just…” he gestured around with his hands to try and get his point across but ultimately settled with a sigh. “You didn’t say anything. You didn’t try to text, or call, or write, or— or anything. Hell, I would’ve probably jumped to get a messenger pigeon from you. But it was just… radio silence.”

You picked at the dry skin on your thumbs as you tried to come up with an answer. “I… I don’t know,” you repeated. “It was stupid, and it was horrible of me to leave you alone. I mean… I don’t know why I did it. I know what I’ve been going through, and I know you’ve been going through the same. So I don’t know why I didn’t try to reach out and see how you were doing.”

He chuckled mirthlessly as his eyes swept over the empty bottles that had accumulated on the coffee table. “I’m not the best with alone.”

“I know,” you said quietly. “I thought…” you shook your head as you looked at the ceiling. “I thought that you hated me. I know that you cared about them all more, you were closer to all of them, and… and I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. That I would just always be a reminder of what you lost. And… and, I don’t know. Maybe it was my way of trying to move on. Was a stupid fucking idea, though.”

That got a genuine laugh out of him as he ran a hand through his hair. “I guess I get that. I dunno why I didn’t try to talk to you either. Maybe since you didn’t say anything, I didn’t want to either. This whole thing fucked me up.” His gaze moved to you. “Fucked us both up.”

“You can say that again,” you muttered as you tapped your fingers on your knees. “I can’t look anywhere without seeing them. I mean, I see that fucking…” you grimaced. “I see Josh, and I see what that thing did to him, and I just— I’m right back to step one.”

He swallowed hard and nodded. “...yeah. That was seven layers of fucked up.”

“You can’t just keep saying everything was fucked up,” you said dryly. “It was shitty, too.”

Mike snorted, some kind of slightly masochistic humor going on between the two of you. “Nothing really gets the point across like fucked up.”

“Guess you’re right,” you finally conceded with a small smile. “This is… this is nice. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to… I don’t know, to talk to someone like this.”

“It is,” he murmured.

Another pregnant pause hung in the air, but the silence wasn’t as uncomfortable now. Trickles of what it used to be like, of your old life, were beginning to poke through.

“I never hated you,” he said suddenly. Your eyes flicked up to meet his, and it was like his brown eyes were piercing through you as he continued. “I never did. After it happened… yeah, I was mad. I was fucking pissed, but it was never at you. You were my friend too, y’know? Even though we weren’t that close, we were still… we were still something. And I’m glad you made it. I just wish you hadn’t convinced yourself that you had to go through this alone. Maybe things would’ve turned out different, these past few months. For both of us.”

You nodded, choosing to avert eye contact first because you almost couldn’t handle the sincerity. Your heart sank a bit at the sight of all the beer bottles, and you knew that he was right. Maybe things would’ve been different if the two of you had weathered it together from the start. And so you said that.

“I still can’t help but feel like I’m to blame for—” you gestured around at the mess with a sigh, “for this.”

“Look.” His voice was raspy as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair, and as he met your eyes once more you were able to see how truly exhausted he was. With dark circles that matched your own, scars that were still healing, and a certain hollowness behind his eyes… It was like looking in a mirror. And it made you realize how fucked up the two of you had really become.

Mike had always been good at holding himself together, putting up his signature egotistical-douchebag-jock act in the face of anything that threatened to tear him down, and more often than not he came out victorious. But not even class presidents were immune to the horrors that they had faced, and it was taking more of a toll on him than you had realized.

“It’s not your fault. You— you did everything you could; I know I’m still alive because of you. Besides, we were idiot teenagers — we still are — and none of them deserved to die because of it. Not Hannah, not Beth, not any of them.” Mike shook his head and sighed. “Not even Josh. Man was fucked up even before all of this, but he didn’t deserve what happened to him. He needed help, but instead he got his fucking… god. I can’t even say it. But he didn’t deserve it.”

You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, the subconscious process having stopped because of the weight of his words. It was cliche, but you didn’t know how much you needed to hear those four words: it’s not your fault.

“Maybe you should be my therapist,” you joked weakly. But as you let your eyes trail back to Mike you bit your lip. He hadn’t included himself in that statement, and it wasn’t too hard to figure out why.

“Mike… it wasn’t your fault either. You’re not just saying bullshit to try and make yourself feel better, it really wasn’t your fault. What do they say? ‘Getting through your guilt is the first step to recovery’ or some shit? You deserve to be here just as much as I do.”

“But it was,” he insisted. “It’s easy for you to say that. You tried to stop it, I… I just went along with it. Fuck, I started it all. Hannah and Beth went missing because of me, Josh went out of his fuckin’ mind, and if he hadn’t brought us all back up there for his revenge plot then they wouldn’t have died. How is it not my fault? Why do I get to live when all of them died because of me?”

“Mike,” you sighed. “I… I don’t know. I don’t know why we made it back when none of them did, but it’s not your fucking fault, okay? You— yeah, that prank was fucking stupid, but— but how could you know what was going to happen?” You huffed a laugh that was only slightly unhinged. “People pull pranks all the time. Native American legend cannibal spirit things don’t try to kill people all the time. You can’t keep blaming yourself. It’s not going to help them, and it’s not going to help you.”

That silence stretched out once more as he took in your words. You didn’t know if he believed them or not, but you did. That had to be worth something, right?

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he muttered, breaking the silence once more. “And I… I don’t know. I don’t know why it took almost fucking dying from those goddamn things, a— and seeing what happened to all of them...”

“I don’t know,” he repeated, leaning back against the foot of the sofa. “All the shit that happened, all of them dying — I don’t know how long it’ll take until we’re okay again. Hell, I don’t even know if we ever will be okay again. What happened up there was fucked up in the worst way, and the fact that no one believes us makes it a hell of a lot worse.”

You chuckled darkly as you cupped one hand in the other. “You can say that again.”

His lips twitched for a moment as if he wanted to smile but ultimately thought better of it. “I know we aren’t that close anymore, but the truth is we’re the only ones on this fuckin’ planet that know what really happened up there. We’re the only ones that will ever really understand what happened to us, and… and I think we’re the only ones that can really help each other through this shit.”

He met your eyes once more, something resolute in them. “So the next time this happens, because it will, if you don’t want to be alone… you can come here. Any time, any day, no questions asked. Just knock on that door, and I will be there. No more isolation, no more trying to get through this on our own. We gotta be there for each other, because we’re all we have.”

You nodded gratefully, a feeling of warmth slowly creeping through your body with his reassurance. “Thank you, Mike. You… you have no idea what this means to me.”

“I think I have some clue,” he murmured.

As you exchanged weary smiles, you saw a faint twinkle in Mike’s eyes. He was always the kind of person to help others, even if it was for the wrong reasons, and that was one thing that stuck with him after the disaster. And in that moment, a long lost feeling washed over you — safety.

You hadn’t felt safe in… well, it seemed like forever. Adrenaline and pure instinct were responsible for getting you through those twelve hours, along with an overwhelming wave of numbness and denial. But once all of that wore off, the nightmares had begun. Your friends, the Wendigos, the mountain itself — anything and everything that your mind could use against you, it did.

It was a living hell. You could hardly ever sleep anymore, horrific images always jolting you awake after an hour or two and keeping you awake for the rest of the day. It was no wonder Mike had ended up with a drinking problem — it was probably the only way he could sleep, the only way he could bring some form of peace to his mind. By some miracle, you had avoided that fate, but… you would be lying if you said you hadn’t come close.

But somehow, for some reason, you could tell that things were going to be different. Now that you and Mike weren’t avoiding each other anymore in the name of painful memories… you felt like things were going to be okay. Or as close to okay as you could get these days.

You weren’t alone, and neither was he.

He had saved your life on the mountain more than once. Now, he was saving you again. Just in a different way.

-

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

ud tags: @kwyloz