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#ive been thinking this over for a long while
wonustars · 1 day
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In Front of Me (Teaser)
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⊹ pairing: jeon wonwoo x f.reader ⊹ genre: bestfriend to lovers, angst, smut (18+ mdni) ⊹ wordcount: TBA (this teaser: 679) ⊹ release date: TBA
⊹ summary: jeon wonwoo has spent most of his adolesence and early adult hood unable to understand why he can't seem to stay in a relationship for more than a few months. as his best friend, you allowed him to vent about his worries without judgment. so what if you're in love with him? your friendship with wonwoo meant more to you than having your feelings reciprocated. that is until you hit your breaking point, while wonwoo finally realizes what has been in front of him this whole time. ⊹ tags: non-idol!au, uni!au, bestfriends to lovers (?), unrequted love, emotionaly stunted charcters, wonwoo has a bit of an ego, toxic!wonwoo&reader. (more tags and smut tag added to full fic when posted.) ⊹ note: im really excited to share this with you all. its not by any means done but heres a teaser for now since ive been away for so long ♡ also the teaser is not edited so pls just ignore if theres typos hehe. lov u all pls come into my ask box cuz i refuse to shut up abt this story :p.
⊹ masterlist, taglist, fic playlist.
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Rejection is foreign to Wonwoo.
Most times, it’s him that’s doing the rejecting. He was the one to always initiate the break up, to lose feelings first, every decision was made by him. He has no control over whether you’re going to text him back or not, and to put it simply, he can’t stand that feeling. 
Wonwoo hates not being in control. Whether that be his future, his relationships, and especially his feelings. At least that’s what he forces himself to believe. That it’s not fair of you to ignore him when he’s worried about you, because he’s your best friend. You should answer him when he texts you. When he calls you, and especially when he shows up to your door, seeking your comfort. In his mind, that is what he believes the foundation of your friendship is. To comfort each other, just like it always has been. 
Sure, maybe Wonwoo is entitled, perhaps he’s conceited and selfish, but he doesn’t care. Because in his mind, you’re his bestfriend. There was no way in hell that you were ignoring him. His ego doesn’t even consider it a possibility. You were busy, that’s it. That has to be it. 
{໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -。꒱ྀི১  ‧₊˚ ⋅ ⋆˙}
Less than fourty-eight hours in, Wonwoo couldn’t stop himself from texting you once more. Nimble fingers practically itching to open your contact to update you about the most mundane things. Maybe if he pretended that this moment of silence is perfectly normal, then maybe, you would eventually end up answering him. 
12:36 p.m [wons <3]: class just finished. lunch at our usual place?
Nothing. Not even a thumb’s up reaction. Wonwoo had become antsy, guilt and slight annoyance gnawing at the pit of his stomach. Where the hell are you? What are you doing that’s so important that you couldn’t even open his message let alone read them? 
1:27 p.m.  [wons <3]: this random girl asked for my number after class lol. weird right? i didn’t give it to her though 😁
Cursing at himself, he regrets pressing the send button on that text. Double texting you is already out of the norm for him, but triple texting? He can’t believe how desperate he looks right now. He wishes he could bring himself to unsend it, but he just hopes it’ll be the text that finally gets you to respond. 
2:10 p.m. [wons <3]: saw a bunny running thru the oval today u should’ve seen it! reminded me of u.  [1 photo attachment] 
Absolute radio silence from your end. Wonwoo is starting to think that you had him blocked, but his messages are still delivering. Unsure of what’s worse, you ignoring him or blocking his number, Wonwoo still tries his best to remain calm.
4:00 p.m. [wons <3]: im about to head home soon. r u riding w me today? 
The sight of you getting into Seokmin’s car made Wonwoo scoff. Since when did you start getting rides home from Seokmin? And why was he the one opening the door for you? Buckling your seatbelt instead of his own? Wonwoo is completely dumbfounded at what he had witnessed. 
4:30 p.m.  [wons <3]: saw u get into seokmin’s car, lmk if u need a ride tmrw. 
Seeing you laugh and smile while walking to the student parking lot with Seokmin of all people solidified the fact that you are actively ignoring his texts. And he just can’t stand the thought of it. How dare he be ignored? Especially by his best friend, the one person who had always responded to him, no matter the time or how busy you were, you always texted him back. 
Wonwoo initially thought that even if the world ended, you would be there within arms reach, enough to hold you close, where he can keep you safe. You were predictable in that sense. But if the world decided to burst into flames, or swallow itself whole tomorrow, he’s unsure if you would be there right next to him by the time he woke up.
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⊹ a/n: if u want to be apart of the taglist please fill out the form, comment or send an ask! please note that i'll only add those who have an age indicator somewhere in their blog! thank you ♡
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x-liv25-jamieswife · 21 hours
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ok im gonna sound like a delusional fan in denial but ive been thinking about this for a while.
i honestly don't think the cards are canon bc, in the official book art, jameson looks like this:
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he looks completely different on the card. his hair is shorter and all. nash looks a lot different too (and i think xander's hair is different). i also think the characters' heights are completely off. libby looks taller than nash in the cards (and im quite sure libby is shorter than him in the books). ive been thinking about this thing (since the nash card came out), but i don't think its possible to create 100% accurate silhouettes. like for example, if some guy's silhouette's hair is too long and messy, the face might not look like a face (if you know what i mean). his face would look deformed and... not like a face. ig its up to interpretation. the art has been out for years, so, for me, thats canon (and has been for a while) (i also prefer the character designs for all of the brothers in the book art), but if you'd prefer to think that the cards are canon thats obviously ok too.
im sorry if this doesnt make sense, im still fangirling over the excerpt we got.
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🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷
I'm just getting too excited reading the snippets
Thank you! Damn 186 for 🦷:
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“Dad, can I tell you something?” Chris asks, with a little sigh, like he’s having to break something very simply down to a child.
“Uh, of course, Chris.”
“I only have one day left of being smarter than you, so I should maybe give you advice.”
“Wait, what?” Eddie asks. 
“Because I still have my wisdom teeth,” Chris explains.
Right, Eddie. Keep up. 
“That’s true,” Eddie mumbles. “It’s all downhill after today. Your brain will turn to mush.”
Chris rolls his eyes. 
“I’m just saying,” Chris presses. “I’m more wise than you still. So listen to me.”
There’s something really serious in his tone, so Eddie stops joking. 
“Okay,” he says. 
“The first person you said who made you feel comforted was Buck. Twice. That means something, Dad. I think you’re used to feeling bad and you don’t know how to do things that make you feel good.”
Eddie feels like he’s been struck. Not for the first time today. 
“So, you think I should try something different, huh?” Eddie asks, voice cracking over tears just a little. 
Chris nods. “Yep. I think whatever the opposite of what Grandma and Abuelo would say is what you should do, probably.”
Well, that’s an idea. That logic carried him from El Paso to Los Angeles. Kept him here despite their pressure for him to return. That logic wrote Buck’s name in his will instead of theirs. And none of those things have been decisions that Eddie regrets. 
“That…” Eddie exhales. “That might be really good advice.”
“Because of my wisdom teeth,” Chris says.
Eddie smiles. “Yeah, buddy. Because of your wisdom teeth, for sure.”
iv.
Buck ends up coming with them to Christopher’s surgery appointment. Eddie didn’t ask. He just sort of shows up in the morning, assuming Eddie would want someone to sit with him. He’s right, of course. Eddie knows it’s just dental surgery and comes with very little risk, but Eddie absolutely wants company. Buck’s company. 
They sit side-by-side in waiting room chairs, clutching paper cups of coffee, during the surgery. They’re the only people in the room. Eddie can hear a clock ticking. There’s a television playing the news silently. Eddie’s leg is tapping.
“Hey,” Buck says gently, hand resting on Eddie’s shoulder. “He’s going to be totally fine.”
“Yeah, I know,” Eddie nods. “It’s a simple procedure. That’s… That’s not why I’m nervous.”
Buck frowns. “Why are you nervous, then?”
Well, great question. Not one Eddie really wants to answer. 
“Uh…” Eddie struggles. His throat feels very dry. He takes another sip of coffee before answering. “I have… Well, I had a sort of crazy conversation with Christopher yesterday while grocery shopping.”
“This is why you shouldn’t grocery shop without me,” Buck says, kissing his teeth chidingly. “Always ends in chaos.”
Eddie raises an eyebrow. “I can remember grocery store chaos caused by you. And uh, it was actually a good conversation.”
“Yeah?”
Eddie nods. “Yeah.”
“What was it about?” Buck asks, leading the conversation because he can see Eddie is too nervous to just do it himself. 
“Uh, a lot of things,” Eddie says. “But I ended up sort of… Well, I came out to him.”
Buck’s eyebrows shoot up. He grins. “Eddie, that’s amazing! How did he take it?”
“Good,” Eddie nods. “He… Yeah, he was great.”
“Ah, man. I’m so happy to hear that. I know that was weighing on you.”
“It was,” Eddie agrees quietly.
“So, then… Why are you nervous?”
Eddie takes a deep breath. Here it goes.
“Well, Chris is a smart kid, you know?”
“Of course,” Buck replies, still confused. 
“It didn’t take him very long to ask if this meant I’m in love with you.”
Buck’s expression goes completely still. His eyes get big. Wide. Anxious. 
“Uh, wh-what… What did you tell him?” Buck stammers. 
“That I do,” Eddie whispers. His eyes flicker to the floor. He almost doesn’t want to see Buck’s reaction. 
“Oh,” Buck exhales. “And, uh… He-he was okay with that?”
Eddie nods. “Pretty much told me not to be stupid and do something about it.”
“Is that what this is?” Buck asks. 
Eddie chuckles a little breathlessly. “Not enough for you?” 
“It doesn’t hurt to be given roses or something,” Buck smirks. “A string of pearls even.”
“Well, we’re in the waiting room of a dental surgery clinic. So I can offer you…” Eddie looks around the room. “An issue of USA Today from four months ago.”
“I’ve always wanted that,” Buck says. “I just need to know about Ben and Jennifer. Do you think they’re going to make it this time?”
“I have bad news,” Eddie tells him.
Buck smiles. His eyes crinkle a little. Eddie’s not sure if they did that, back when they met. Eddie thinks, somehow, he just keeps getting more and more beautiful with every year that he knows him. He’s sitting right beside him now, all loose curls and twinkling eyes. And Eddie realizes he’s so fucking lucky. Because as nervous as he is right now, he’s not uncertain. He knows. He knows this beautiful, kind, unbelievably generous, and not nearly as funny as he thinks man loves him back. 
“I still don’t understand why you’re nervous,” Buck says softly. “Eddie, you have to know…”
“I know,” Eddie replies quickly. 
“I love you, too,” Buck says. “Like… Obviously.”
Eddie smiles. “I thought so… I just…” 
“What?” Buck asks gently. 
Fuck. Eddie doesn’t really know how to explain. 
“My son sort of psychoanalyzed me,” Eddie blurts. “And, uh… And the conclusion was… He thinks maybe I don’t make decisions that are good for me because I’m used to feeling bad.”
Buck’s jaw drops. “Chris said that?”
“Yeah, I think my parents kind of messed him up in a different way from what I did.” Eddie admits. 
“He’s not messed up, Eddie. Just hurt. That’s all.”
“See?” Eddie says. “See, it’s that. He’s right. It’s like my brain is sort of wired for guilt, and… And I don’t want it to be. I just, I’m scared I’ll screw it up with you, too.”
Buck nods, thinking. He takes a good moment to contemplate.
“Okay,” he eventually sighs. “Okay, well then I won’t let you.”
Eddie sighs. “What?”
“Yeah, I just won’t,” Buck presses. “I’m good at that. I think Bobby and I are the only people you listen to.”
Because they’re the only people close enough to Eddie to know what he wants and have his best interest at heart. They always have. 
“Buck, it’s not that simple.”
“Yes, it is,” Buck replies, turning in the seat a little so his knees are pressing into Eddie. “I-I know you, Eddie. You wouldn’t have brought this up at all if you didn’t want me to talk you into it.”
Eddie opens his mouth to object. That’s just… 
Okay, it’s completely true. He does that, doesn’t he? Waits until he’s ready for Buck to give him permission to do right by himself. He always has. 
Wow.
“We know each other better than anyone,” Buck says. “We won’t let each other be idiots.”
And that’s… Well, that’s true, too. Eddie has always been able to talk Buck down from letting things get out of hand. From spiraling. From making every problem on earth his problem. So… So maybe Buck is right. 
“Promise?” Eddie asks. 
Buck grabs his hand. “I promise.”
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fruit-salad-ship · 2 years
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BNHA AU: Pro Heros.
Known as 'Royal Flush' when working as a team, this trio perfectly balance each other out, called into battle when all else fails. They take difficult jobs no one else wants, because they pay better, and prove theyre one of the best teams around.
Kingslayer (Peach) Quirk: Density A notorious ball of rage, her quirk was once thought to be an anti-gravity skill, but the older she got, the more stress and anger crept in, and it became obvious that she actually changes object density, not the way gravity works around it. If calm and collected,and happy, she can float items both living and not, making them less dense than the air around her target. This is great for rescue, stealth to float into guarded areas, and to drop her whole team into a location undetected. Unfortuntly shes prone to anger, bouts of irritability and lethargy, which makes her quirk increase density of things. She has learnt to use it offencivly, fighting the biggest heaviest villains with a solid defence to take the hits making herself slow and thick skinned, and boosting swings with increased weight and heft when in close combat. Her ult is a 15ft radius density field, making anything and anyone within this range so heavy they cannot get off the ground. This does however push her body hard too, and can backfire, leaving her vulnerable to attacks after.
Queen-B (Plum) Quirk: Melodrama She'll say it stands for something else, but her team mates like to reitterate that the 'B' stands for Brat. They arent wrong. Her quirk forces those she touches to experience specific emotions, only one at any given time, and up to five targets. These feelings can be used to subdue and distract foe, or rally her team. This is particulalry useful to politely ask villains to release hostages, making them smitten, calm, suggestive, and they could very well do what she says. Her ability to extract information is top notch, and she's able to keep civilians calm and safe with it, making sure theyre not in a state of panic during emergencies. Her ult is a overdrive, and can only be used on one target at any time, pushing them to fight for her in a blind rage, as if they would lay their life down for the little woman, and can last up to an hour unless she dismisses it. Quite devestating but the cool down is drastic, her quirk becoming all but useless for a short while after. To combat the lack of physical strength, Queen takes a lot of time to practice with rifles, whips, and various other weapons that give her range. She however alwasy has a bat on her person, as a way to protect herself, along with flash grenades, smke bombs and various little items that aid in missions. Shatter Jack (Grey) Quirk: China Bull His left arm is fragile, resembling porcelain, able to touch a target and pass on a brittle property to foes. His right arm is however very robust and strong, with the power of a raging bull packed in. The combination of both makes for devestating offensive power to even the hardest individuals, and most solid defences. The down side is his left arm is also incredibly vulnerable to attack, both a strength and a wekaness, and because of the distributions of skill between them, he is somewhat easy to predict when fighting alone, but has learnt to use misderection in his strategy to counter this somewhat. His disposition makes him calm and level when forming a plan, and so he is the natrual leader of the group, as the other two can get distracted or caught up in competition/rage. He has fair stamina, but no ranged attacks, so he chips bits of his porcelain off and sends it to be made into throwing knives. Because it is made of the same material he is, he can transfer his quirk through it, as far as he can throw. It is however not selective, and if he hits one of his own, they become vulnerable and brittle for a short while. The duration and spread depends on how long he touches someone. If he can keep his hand on a foes body for five straight seconds it can sink through a whole limb. A seconds can brittle a bone, or make skin shatterable. His ult turns a target fully brittle, whole body, but his own durability also drops, making him vulnerable.
In tandem the team is pretty well balanced. Plum can put peach into a full blown rage to increase her damage output, or when the stress is too much and she needs to be fast and evasive, calm her down to make floating things far easier and more effective. Grey shatters but if peach can touch his arm, she can grant him density, making it harder to break during a fight, and if he usues his ult, she can boost his defence to help combat the lack of it he has for a short while. Plum is vulnerable to attack, but she can make her dense enough for bullets to bounce off, or make herself dense and stand in the way of harm and not take nearly as much damage. When grey needs an emotional boost, plums there, the moral the group needs, because lord knows hes exhausted some days.
Grey and Peach went to school together, buddies for a long time, she was a year above him but they alwasy walked home together, and trained when possible, their quirks worked well together and eventually they got signed to the same agency. Peach's PR however was awful, and so they brought in Plum as a ways to wrangle her, and give the company a better image in the publics eye. with them balanced, there have been less issues, though the girls do fight, it never lasts long, and has become more loving over the years.
additions:
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I need to do greys one. I will.
Black diamond motif, weakness to long range attacks, brutal.
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bogkeep · 5 months
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thoughts, repeating.
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ricky-mortis · 5 months
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Have some Ted doodles- as a treat.
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turrondeluxe · 1 year
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Lovers Rock
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whilomm · 4 months
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note: pollmaker is thinking of the USAmerican lottery system (powerball, mega millions, state lottos, scratchoffs, etc), but poll applies to other countries lotteries systems so long as its still the same concept of "big ol state sponsered gambling shit", but not like casino style gambling. u know what i mean, Lottos.
questions for the tags: how regularly, what stuff you play, if you have limits for yourself, if you feel like its a Problem for you, and for funsies the usual 'first thing youd do if you won the lottery' shit
reblog to have absolutely zero effect on your luck either way. just like, absolutely no change in luck whether you reblog this or scroll past. this is the luck neutral post reblog in the next 30 seconds or dont who give a shit
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ninjasmudge · 2 years
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have this hc that macaque cant dye the white parts of his hair back to black becasue the dye doesnt hold for more than a couple of weeks, so he starts dying it fun temporary colors to match his outfits
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deoidesign · 1 month
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Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.
Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!
Hi there!
Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!
It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!
I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha
I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then
I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...
The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.
It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.
Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.
I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.
I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.
#asks#steakandpeanutbuttersandwiches#I'm SO sorry youre new and you asked me such a benign question and I responded with... this... LMAO#I swear to god I tried to make it as short as possible#theres just a lot auauuaghkhgjk#basically. way too much work. not enough money.#so it either is gonna be good and take longer or be worse but come back faster#and I chose to take longer#so.#I'm really sorry and I wish that this decision didn't also come with the... pretty much guarantee that it will negatively impact my career.#I will lose readers. I will lose potential readers for my future work. it looks bad on me as a creator to take such a big break. etc. etc.#but it's good. it's so good. you have to trust me it's like the best stuff Ive ever written#it. ok well to be honest#it'll probably feel extremely simple and extremely natural#but it's been SO much work LMAO#I am not exaggerating I have written over 200 pages of scapped ideas to get to where it is#I'm sure it won't make sense why it took so long while reading but you gotta trust me LMAO#ideally it doesnt even 'feel' different right. cause its gotta be cohesive with the whole thing#but there is SO MUCH TO WRAP UP#THERES SO MUCH#and to make that feel natural in this little space oh my GOD it is so hard#ok omfg I'm doing it again I'm going on way too long again IM SO SORRY#YOURE NEW HERE AND IM DOING THIS IMMEDIATELy#this is like 90% for my followers who I know are curious about this and I'm just using you as a jumping off point to talk about it#cause I don't really like to make standalone posts very often#I likely will make some kind of official announcement about it when the date is extremely set in stone#right now I think it's still only tentatively scheduled so it could still change#and I'll say something more... refined and restrained... then.#but for now this is like. actually everything. I think#I'm sure I forgot something but whatever lmfao
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moookar · 2 months
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one of my D&D characters, Hailen. I’ve been told he is the most pathetic podcast protagonist guy ever
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skunkes · 4 months
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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the thing about chronic migraines that they dont tell you is the lingering terror of the long stretches in between them. bc you know you'll have one again. its inevitable. its just a matter of time.
but then you desperately try Not to think about it because you dont want to jinx it / somehow psyche yourself into one
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recent lounging babey images
#he's so floppy recently and I hope it's just the heat. I think wamr weather makes everyone floppy and loungy#a beauntifulle boye...#cats#STILL working on posting some drafts. finishing new poll adventure.. other things... It's just hard with the weather and other things going#on. I've had a few more doctors appointments and other things to do recently that have to be done in a time limit#so I hvae to use my extremely limited energy working on that instead of doing the things I'd really rather do. :T#Main focuses though are keeping up better with doing and posting costumes + sculptures as main creative things. at least finishing the#main poll adventure story. Reworking the game I kind of abandoned for a few years. keeping up with game videos and a few other side things.#Especially the game though. I've been in a really worldbuildy mood recently. I just wish that was easier to manifest into something. I've#now put the worldbuilding slideshow reading video on pause for a while because it's SOOO long to do#and I think I should prioritize making games and stuff instead. but still other things. IT's just kind of like.. I have a whole world and#everything very built and planned out but now.. what do I do with it? what's the best way to share that? factual slideshows just going over#the information like a dictionary? make it into a game? write short stories? do art attached to the world? etc. etc. ?? There are so many#potential avenues I end up kind of flip flopping between them a lot because none really seem more beneficial than the others and they all#seem equally enjoyable and also equally hard so. It's like?? I guess just do what the hell ever and hope I made the right choice in terms o#cost benefit and reward for my time lol. ANYWAY.. Also why I'm in my 'trying to make friends' era still because I think having other creat#ive friends can help you find direction like.. people will meet each other and then go 'hey lol just for fun lets start a project together!#and then like 5 years later it's genuinely become something. etc. having other people to help weed out ideas and start small creative teams#together and etc. I feel is a very beneficial part of networking or whatever but also I have the social capacity of a stale bread roll and#am also inherently unrelatable to seemingly a majority of people due to my hermit wizard swag (detachment from general society and hyper#focus on fantasy worlds in my head gjhghj) so trying to meet people as a grown adult with social issues is Very easy and fun (it is not)#even very basic things like my core communication style is so incompatible with a lot of people it's like.. hhhh... People in this modern#age have GOT to stop being afraid of phone calls and/or text that is longer than 6 paragraphs. Work with me here. I WANT to talk to you. bu#I do not know what your emojis mean and it's physically impossible for me to type less than 85 sentences. please.. hhjgjgb#AAANYWAY!! I am working on things when I can given the circumstances (SUMMER).. hopefully some costume pictures and stuff soon. :'3#I've not forgotten about my art and etc. - as usual I just am bad at social media and also functioning if it's above 65F lol
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faaun · 3 months
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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Oh west wing season two episode ten “Noel” we’re really in it now..
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