#ive only ever been wrong
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note: pollmaker is thinking of the USAmerican lottery system (powerball, mega millions, state lottos, scratchoffs, etc), but poll applies to other countries lotteries systems so long as its still the same concept of "big ol state sponsered gambling shit", but not like casino style gambling. u know what i mean, Lottos.
questions for the tags: how regularly, what stuff you play, if you have limits for yourself, if you feel like its a Problem for you, and for funsies the usual 'first thing youd do if you won the lottery' shit
reblog to have absolutely zero effect on your luck either way. just like, absolutely no change in luck whether you reblog this or scroll past. this is the luck neutral post reblog in the next 30 seconds or dont who give a shit
#buzzy#REMAKING BECAUSE I FORGOT THE FUCKING NO OPTION CHRIST im bad at this#do u ever spend so long thinking about every possible 'OP WHY DIDNT YOU MAKE AN OPTION FOR THIS SPECIFIC SITUATION'#that u forget the fucking 'no' optik#polls#poll#lottery#lotteries#the lottery#gambling#okay to repeat my personal answers: yes but i do only $3 per week and ONLY the texas lotto#i do my lucky numbers and i do a multi draw (does the next ten drawings w the same numbers) so that i dont gotta#pay attention to it for a couple of weeks#which makes it less of A Thing#so im not activelt rhinking about it as much#im ya kno impulsive and in the past it was 'ohh $5 per week and scratchoffs' but that meant too much of a#'oh but this week ill spend an extra $5 ive been good....'#and it was too easy for me to justify going overboard#i know 'not playing at all' is the better option but this scratches the itch just enough that i dont feel tempted to impulse buy scratchoffs#while also being p hands off so im not obsessing over it as much#ya kno?#yeah im consistently wasting money but it keeps me from IMPULSIVELY wasting EVEN MORE money#and it means i can keep lotto winning dreams jn the back of my mind#also first thing id do is go to doctors and find out wtf is wrong w me#well not the FIRST first. first first is probs getting myself a little treat like some dutch bros
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Your art is so flipping pretty, and I just adore how you style all of the persona characters! But my question is, are there any other fandoms/works of art that you want to post or start rambling about? I hope you have a lovely day! (o゜▽゜)o☆
you can have those?
#personal#asks & requests#ok jokes over. ive drawn stuff for project sek/ai and danganrknpa on here before among a few other things#im not going to get into every anime i like but yknow. bochi. bakarin a. dunmesshi. recently wind breakr#big fan of ur turn to die and world ends with you#ive done a bit of art for in starts & time i will do more please go play it please please please#and ive been getting into umi neko lately!#[everything was spelled wrong on purpose as to not show up in search results]#but non persona things will be scarce on this blog. my love of this series is less special interest than full blown obsession LMAO#it takes so much time and energy to Create Things Im Proud Of its usually only persona delusions that get me thru it ever since Long Covid#fatigue is getting better though so maybe ill branch out more eventually! i rlly wanna draw beatrice umi/neko saaaur :3
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thinking about kingmaker and my beloved sycamore again 😔
#kingmaker shenanigans#my art#my ocs#described in alt text#not to repeat myself again but: *guttural screech of love*#he's one of my favorite character ever and he exist only in my head and computer. i have to manifest him whenever i can.#i want to design his post game outfit once the mourning is done. i think he'll start wearing some blue. everyone's wondering what's gone#wrong with him all of a sudden. probably. ive been wanting to draw some of this for ages lol. his fighting is so vivid in my head i want to#animate it as if its not WAYYY over my current skills but hey yknow
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Blocking every annoying fallout fan and taking away new vegas until you all learn to behave
#like im so serious i dont think ive ever been more annoyed at my dash#can you all learn to enjoy things.#every single criticism ive seen so far has been ' once again this proves new vegas is the only good fallout game'#absolutely nothing constructive#ive also seen such dogshit takes about the series as a whole like. jesus christ#i dont care if i get labeled as a bethesda shill i think you guys are just wrong about what fallouts about in general#like i think new vegas and the bethesda fallouts can both be different takes on the same thing and none of them are inherently bad
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i feel like some people are still so weird about cats. i taught my cat "sit" recently and upon mentioning this to my one friend he said he didn't really believe cats learn tricks like dogs do (because they're independent-minded and don't have a drive to please their owners) and was like "she's only sitting because she knows she usually gets a treat from you if she does"
unlike dogs who... definitely don't normally learn tricks through positive reinforcement or like treats.... apparently...
#don't get me wrong i do think it varies by cat#also this is not an anti dog post just a 'wow people have strongly set ideas about cat personalities'#also hearing people constantly reiterate how independent and aloof cats are has been very surreal#because my cat is like... basically made of velcro. as loving as any dog ive ever owned. she just doesn't need to be taken out to poop#that's like the only difference in independence ive experienced lmao#not st#cats#doctor's log
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i do love canon amy & rory but god, does some part of me wish they really had gone with the idea of the doctor picking up a child as a companion (and then later, that child’s best friend with a huge crush on her.) with the rest of the season really not changing at all, except now it’s amelia pond with an angel in her head killing her and lost alone in the woods. it’s little rory who dies and is forgotten and becomes a toy soldier. if this is going to be a fairy tale, then let it be one. children have never been safe in fairy tales.
#it wouldn’t have to change any of the actual plot of the season. except MAYBE amy’s choice but even then i think amy’s choice would be the#one episode where they should be adults. if only for the half where they live in a village in that dream.#because that’s the kind of future that children would dream up. they live in a little cottage and nothing ever goes wrong and their best#friend visits them all the time even though they’ve grown up.#they aren’t actually adults there just children with an idea of what they should be as adults and acting accordingly#and it would still end the same way.#but idk its just. rory’s 2000 years waiting for amy inside the pandorica is already tragic. yes.#now imagine its a kid. a kid in a little roman soldier helmet who will never grow up. who will not leave his best friend.#he loves her and she’s more important than the whole universe and that sort of love is supposed to MEAN something in a fairy tale!#its supposed to melt the ice out of hearts and transform people from stone.#and what that love means here. is that he will have to wait 2000 years. a child and a box.#little rory and the amelia who followed the doctor’s letters to the pandorica. and she doesn’t recognize him again.#and amelia in the pandorica… 2000 years a child trapped in a small box waiting to be rescued.#s5 is already fucked for them but it could be worse. it could be so much worse.#and it would make the doctor choosing to take her place in the pandorica to save the universe later even better.#because who else but the doctor would put the fate of the universe on the shoulders of two children and realize much too late what a#monstrous thing he’d done. and still have to hope. have to hope. that amelia would remember him fondly enough to bring him back to reality.#the logistics of all of this would have been a pain lmao. child labor laws in acting and all that.#BUT. hypothetically. it would have slapped.#doctor who#amy pond#rory williams#<- also this entire time ive been referring to him in my head as rory pond so much that i fuckin. forgot his actual last name.#and then like if you want them to be adults in s6 or whatever you can just timeskip to them getting married and still have amelia remember#the doctor there. it would work. it would.#amelia pond au
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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not gonna lie im kind of worried that if the mario movie is even the slightest bit good then people are gonna immediately turn on the sonic movies and decide that they Suck Actually because theyre not exactly like the mario movie. and its not that im against the sonic movies being criticized for anything, there are issues you could point out and i dont even care if you like the sonic movies or not (especially if youre an actual sonic fan and you dislike them from that perspective and arent just hating on them because Sonic Cringe), im just so tired of anything sonic being labelled as irredeemable garbage by The Entire Internet and people constantly trying to compare sonic and mario and acting like sonic is bad just because its not exactly like mario when its not trying to be
#but also all of the recent sonic stuff has been pretty well received so maybe im just worried over nothing#im specifically talking about people who liked the sonic movies before the mario movie came outbtw not people who hated them from the start#also personally from what ive seen i feel like the mario movie isnt gonna be the best movie ever#but its not gonna be the worst movie ever either its just gonna be an ok generally inoffensive other than the voice cast movie#but i could be wrong. its still not out yet and ive only seen like 2 trailers and nothing else
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pokemon horizons trio :]
#had them all for a day and i love them a lot#ive already got a sorta dynamic for them in my mind and ive only started watching this today#cant wait for said dynamic to be completely wrong come next episode#theyre a trio to me.. they all have barely 3 seconds of screen time together currently#pokemon horizons#pokemon liko#pokemon dot#pokemon roy#anyways#ive never really watched and payed attention to the pokemon anime despite how much i like pokemon#it just wasnt ever very interesting to me :[#but horizons has been really fun to me#oh yea happy pride month btw. liko and roy are trans lesbian and trans gay solidarity#dots nonbinary lesbian hostility
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maybe i need meds???
#knocks on skull like GOD CAN YOU JUST FUCKING EMOTIONALLY REGULATE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD#been swinging wildly between 'i need help' & 'im faking it' every single HOUR#the thing is. and this is the thing. my life right now is as close to perfect as i'll ever get there is literally nothing wrong#im MEANT to be HAPPY why am i UNSTABLE#im thinking meds maybe but also it's just such a pain#to book a drs appt to get put on a mental health plan to be put on a waiting list for a shrink then convince said shrink that I need meds#sounds painful#don't think I can do it...#but. ive booked a drs appt so baby steps.#but see like I booked it on wed bc I was very much going to have a breakdown at my desk then immediately felt silly on thurs morning bc#I felt fine??? then hours later I was like no. not fine actually#im going to fucking chuck#hex.txt#personal#personal posts are only on this blog bc u guys are more used to hearing me blabber bullshit than my main#does anyone wanna tell me some good news or something nice happening in their life
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ignore my previous ask i misread their ask😭
naw i cant ignore this you woke up and chose VIOLENCE im WHEEZING
#snap chats#not saying youre wrong tho .... kinda accurate#its been a while since ive seen particularly dumb discourse tho#i mean At Most i see the stray complaint here or there about X but not like it was years ago#where there was like. Days Long drama over the most What stuff ever jvELARKVJAEKL#AGAIN theres SOME stuff vaguely going on but back then id actually know. what the situation was#only now i just know SOME people have beef with SOME people and i dont even know whow the second party is so#thirsting over men and talking about sex is no different from tumblr but it is more frequent on twitter#just cause yk. youre allowed to p ost nsff there and Again more people talk there#so it makes sense thats more prevalent
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Happy Baltimore Pride, the parade starts in 3 and a half hours and I'm already exhausted
#am i excited to be in the parade for the first time ever? yes. am i as an audhd disaster already overwhelmed? yuh.#also like. for all the team/the pres and the few sober members are trying to make it safe for us pride just isnt sober/recovery friendly#like on the grand scheme big picture culturally i mean. yes you can easily avoid alcohol during daytime hours at the streetfair etc#but ive only seen one event very clearly advertise no alcohol. the rest is very much the shots shots rail liquor sponsored by x booze etc#and thats not to say it shouldn't be im not trying to ruin the fun for everyone else thats not what this is.#its more an observation of - damn. im four months into recovery with alcohol as an autistic bipolar person. this might suck.#like this might be really hard and not be as fun as I'd hoped and I'm grieving the fact i never got the experience the pride others did#the free unhinged party that my teammates have been constantly talking about in the chat for the last week#they're already cracking open beers im sure and the grilling starts at 11am at our parade spot so that they can start drinking and save $#im used to being on the outside of the glass but its always a smidge uncomfortable. it helps having sober teammates with me#but a part of me worries about this weekend i guess.#just... not feeling great in our body. bones feel wrong. everything feels tired and heavy. poor monster doesn't want to be seen.
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being homesick and changing as a person so much the place you grew up in isn't your home anymore is such a core part of ati and upon further inspection i think i was projecting a little
#like yea that is a very common basic thing that happens to a lot if not most adults#but also i think i get homesick a bit too easy#when i moved away from home i moved to the closest big city that's only an hour away and i was already deeply familiar with it#but i was so sad despite knowing i personally could never thrive in my hometown#i wanted to experience the big city but it was so scary and it still is and i miss the comforts of my hometown but it's not just me that#has changed#dont get me wrong i wouldnt move back bc i have hobbies and friends and a job and most likely a career in the city i live in#and this truly is a place i don't think i could ever move away from. unless it is to a neighboring city#it's so hard for me to imagine there are people who move not just across the country but a completely different country and they just. adap#i could never. i was visiting my hometown every week for like the first year i lived here#i eventually want to move to a bigger apartment and ive been looking at places already even tho i need to graduate before doing that#and i'm. getting homesick just thinking about moving to a different part of the city.#i like the area i live in. i like the cornerstore and the distance to the closest grocery stores and parks#i like how my grandma used to live in this area when she was around my age#i'm not good with change and i know it but there are several things about moving that make me miserable#like yeah obviously i will move out from my single bedroom apartment when i can and i'll be so happy and it'll be good for me#but despite having lived here for only a bit more than 4 years i'll miss this apartment. i have so many good memories from here and i'll#never be able to visit it again and have it feel the same#but that's the least sad thing imo. i dread being in a different area more lmao#but it's fine i know i'll adapt as long as i don't have to move to a different city ever again gfsahgak#idk ive had a long day and im feeling a bit melancholic#i'll sleep in tomorrow >:3c#leevi talks
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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
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This isnt a crazy statement but i still think that there should be better diversity on the life series. I mean specifically there should be more woman creators and creators who are poc.
Like 3rd life had ONE woman!!! WHAT THE FUCK?
Theres only ever been TWO non-white members of the life series! What????
Only 4/17 of the secret life members are women! Thats like 4 and a bit men for every woman! THIS IS THE SEASON WITH THE MOST WOMEN????
Like i know the gaming space is a bit messed up on this front but like cmon....
I dont think that the life series is like. Intrinsically bad or anything, but it would be cool if Grian/the team and such could take notice of these facts and help to change the server just a bit more.
#trafficblr#traffic smp#okay originally this post was only going to be about women and then i realised also how messed up it is that theres only two black#people on the server#fuck i dont even make posts like this like. ever.#but i feel like it would be really you know. COOL to get some more diversity in this particular minecraft gaming sphere especially#idk im trying to increase the diversity in the last couple of months in what i watch and listen to since i realise that its not good enough#and i realised these facts and im like. shit this isnt just like a me thing this is deep in our fandom#same goes with most minecraft series#heck i watched a random up-and-coming minecraft youtubers video today on a competition server.#not a single woman???? really???#hey maybe if theres enough backing it would be worth like. sending an email or something idk#so long as people are polite about it ig#idk ive never really talked about this stuff before but its been bothering me#grian#grian critical#also sorry if my maths is just totally wrong idkim bad at it
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...
#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
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