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sailorhyunjinz · 4 years

Text

~ Heated ~

Warnings: Hybrid!au, bunny!fem!reader x wolf!dom!Bangchan x kitty!dom!Minho, threesome, consensual sex (YALL BE SAFE), penetrative sex (AGAIN, BE SAFE), reader goes into heat idfk?, jealousy (like a lot), nicknames (bunny, slut), sliiight dacryphilia, blowjobs, fingering, cum eating, creampie.

Word Count: 2,556 words (YO CHILL)

Requested: YE thank u anon *tips fedora*

Note: YALL this is the first time ive EVER written something like this and tbh i didn’t even know wtf hybrids did so i did my research lmao and if this sounds hella uneducated it’s because i am.... i studied biology in school but... not this 😳

Also I CANT FIND ANY GOOD GIFS OF THEM TOGETHER

A bunny, a wolf and a cat in the same space was anything but calm. You knew because that’s how you lived.

“Y/n! We’re leaving” exclaimed Bangchan from the hallway. They had some sort of meeting to attend which they told you about at dinner yesterday. You ran to the hallway in order to say farewell to your two loving boyfriends, that small tail of yours wiggling in the air.

Being much smaller than they were you jumped a tiny bit to reach their lips, kissing them goodbye.

“Be safe!” you yelled out the door as you saw their figures disappear.

“We will!” they yelled back in unison before the three of you giggled.

You were hit by the cold breeze from outside as you closed the heavy front door. Already missing them you sat down on the grey couch, throwing a blanket over yourself and putting on some TV show.

Hours later you heard a distinct chatter getting closer. It was Bangchan and Minho! The door handle of the front door rustled and your ears jerked to the location from where the sound was coming from. The two boys walked into the shared apartment giggling and chatting but something wasn’t right. Your scent never deceived you and in that moment you could have sweared that the smell of another female hybrid was lurking around them. You walked up to them and hugged both the boys, not wanting to make a scene just as they entered. Minho patted you on the head and ears and as you stood closer to the duo there was no doubt in your mind that they had been around another female in her heat since the pheromones change during that time.

“Had fun?” you asked them while they took of their shoes.

“It was alright” Minho said plainly. You were confused by the lack of emotions on his face. He walked straight by you, tail just as emotionless as his face. Bangchan pecked your forehead as your eyes were still glued to Minhos figure.

“What’s with him?” you asked the bigger boy.

“I..I don’t know y/n”. His voice sounded unsure and that only added to your suspicion. The smell of a female hybrid was still hitting your nose and so without thinking you blurted out to Bangchan;

“Were you near other girls?”

He was caught off guard by your brash question. His shaking pupils and flattened ears gave you an answer which made your blood boil.

“I can smell it on you Bangchan, don’t lie” you said with a stern voice while you looked up intensely at the boy.

He was frozen in place and couldn’t form a sentence before you slammed him towards the wall. Maybe slammed is a overexaggeration, more like pushed because he was double your size.

“Ok y/n! We might have...hugged a female and then realized she was going through her heat but we didn’t mean it!” he blurted out, scared of the fact that your ears were now tight against your head.

Now you understood why Minho had run off in such a hurry. When another female was in her heat it could trigger other hybrids as well and you felt the effects right away. Not only were you aggravated but helplessly rubbing your thighs together.

You stepped aside letting Bangchan go to which he did the same thing as Minho and hurried out of your sight. You stood there dumbfounded and horny. They had caused a problem and now they were going to have to fix it. Stomping, you made your way to the room from where you heard anxious chatter which was the bedroom.

“BANGCHAN AND MINHO!” you flung the bedroom door open and the chatter died down. You were met with two pairs of freightened eyes staring at you from the bedroom floor.

“Uhm...y-y/n... are you sure that you aren’t going through your heat right now?” Minho said hesitantly not wanting to annoy you even more.

You bolted to the cat-like boy and with a handful of this t-shirt you threw him against the wall, nearly knocking down a picture frame. Yet again, ‘threw’ being an overexaggeration but what wasn’t an overexaggeration was your temper.

Minho’s breath hitched as his back hit the wall Bangchan was still glued to the floor, not moving in fear of pissing you off even more. You looked Minho dead into the eyes but you were immedietly flustered as he smirked, responding to your eye contact with his slightly yellow cat eyes. The smirk turned into a insulting laughter as he licked his lips. His shadow was cast on you which made you appear small in comparison. The catboy approached you slowly, his fluffy tail standing up and wagging from side to side. Your ears got low as you backed away from him, still looking into his yellow marbled eyes. Bangchan’s gaze moved along your movements and stopped when you were blocked by the bed and couldn’t move away any longer. You sat down on the bed making you even smaller as Minho towered over you. His soft tail brushed against your arm sending a shiver down your spine. His ears twitched once before he bent down, feeling his warm breath against your cheek as he looked you into those innocent bunny eyes.

“Good bunnies don’t act like that, isn’t that right Bangchan?”

Your eyes shifted towards the wolf-like boy that had now stood up and was getting closer to you. You clenched your thighs together as you felt bare under Minhos intense gaze.

“Look at our little bunny, feeling desperate?” Bangchan cooed as he spread your legs with his foot, leaning towards you just like Minho.

“It’s n-not fair!” you proclaimed, leaning back on your hands against the bed and gripping the bedsheets, squeezing the fabric tightly.

“What’s not fair? It’s not our fault our little bunny is such a slut and heats so easily” he purred towards you. He wasn’t wrong.

Bangchan sat down beside you, feeling the weight of the bed shift. He snaked his big hands up your thigh eventually reaching your sopping cunt. You grinded against his hand and tried to gain some sort of friction between his warm hand and your clothed pussy. Minho grinned before he crashed his lips onto yours and once again his smugness shoked you. The kiss was wet and sloppy in contrast to his teeth that were sharp. You moaned in the kiss as Bangchan had slipped his hand underneath your panties and was now feeling your wet folds.

“We’ve barely done anything bunny” he growled against your ear as his canines poked out of his mouth. You shuddered, not only from Bangchans voice but how his two digits entered into your aching cunt at the same time Minho was swirling his tongue around yours.

Bangchan took off his clothes and then yours while the kiss advanced. Minho tilted his head and cupped your face into his hands as he rubbed his thumbs across your cheeks. You broke the kiss to catch a breath of air but before you knew it Bangchan layed you down on the bed, hovering above your naked figure. In the corner of your eye you saw Minho slowly undressing, his hardening member springing out of his underwear.

Bangchan attached his plump lips on yours that were slightly swollen from the intense kiss earlier. His hands roamed free on your body and kneaded your breasts firmly. The small whimpers that came out of your mouth only teased Bangchan more, now sucking purple marks onto your neck and boobs. Eventually he reached down to your throbbing cunt, kissing it a couple times before flattening his tongue against your folds. Moaning, you grabbed a fistful of his thick hair, pressing his face nearer. His tongue worked like magic as it twirled around your enlarged clit, feeling his sharp teeth from time to time when he softly nibbled on it. His tongue jabbed at you needy hole, making wet sounds everytime he did that. The pleasure was immense which was seen by the way your legs shaked. Bangchan saw the pained expression on your face as you were struggeling to part your legs and decided to give you a helping hand by pinning you things down to the bed, slowly tracing his fingers up and down them. Just as you arched your back Minho appeared and tapped Bangchan on the shoulder as a sign to move away. Bangchan nodded and sat further down the bed, pumping his raging erection as his eyes watched how Minho’s face got closer to yours. Those vertical slits in Minho’s eyes never failed to make you scared. His soft fingertips traced downwards as he stared at you and as his fingers reached your cunt that was sucked dry moments earlier he inserted two fingers without any precautions making your ears lurch up.

Your brows furrowed as you looked at him with a pleasurable expression on your face but he just smirked that teasing smirk yet again. His fingers pumped in and out of you at the same pace that Bangchan was pumping himself. His tip was coated with a drop of precum and his girth made your mouth water. When Minho’s fingers started reaching your g-spot you tightly shut your eyes as moans spilled out of you like liquid. He kissed you on your forehead before pulling out his fingers, leaving you empty. You groaned at the loss of contact but was quickly filled up again when Bangchan alined his member with your hole before sliding into you with ease. His tail brushed again your leg as he started pounding into you, not giving you any time to adjust. Minho couldn’t just sit there and jerk off, he needed to get into the action as well and so he yanked you by the hair, almost gripping your ears and rested his dick on your swollen lips. You looked up towards his cat-like face and hesitated because Bangchans was already sending you into overdrive. Minho saw the hesitation in your eyes before scoffing and saying;

“you wanted this slut”

He was right. You mouth was longing for his length. All hesitation washed away as you started sucking him off. First licking the tip before sinking down on his shaft, feeling him twitch inside your wet mouth. You were trying your best, bobbing your head up and down with speed but as Bangchan thursted into you harder and harder you couldn’t help but to occasionally let out a broken moan against Minho’s hard dick. This pissed him off. He pulled your hair, moving your face closer to abdomen as you choked on his dick.

“Suck it properly” he hummed before letting you go harshly. You coughed and moaned at the same time, all kind of sounds dribbling between your red lips.

Bangchan was close and you knew by the way his thrusts were getting more aggressive but just as a scream of pleasure was on it’s way out of you he pulled out. White ropes of cum covered your stomach and hipbone as Bangchan milked himself out of every drop, groaning and biting his lip while doing so. Minho pulled you up by your arm and harsly flipped you around on all fours. Now it was his time to have fun. His rock hard member entered your fuck out hole making you grip the sheets firmly, knuckles turning white. Even if he was smaller than Bangchan his dick sure wasn’t as it filled you up to the brim, the sensation of being stuffed coaxing a few whines from you. Minho held you by your hips and thrusted into you at an animalistic speed, the sound of skin slapping against each other filling the room. Your moans sharpened Bangchan’s ears and before he knew it his limp dick was hard yet again. Your head hanged down as you tightly shut your eyes, trying not to scream whilst gripping the sheets but you felt Bangchan’s hand cup your chin, lifting it up to face him. Looking up you saw his broad figure, his member right infront of your face. The look in his eyes was endearing, being a wolf hybrid he is often misinterpreted for being evil but you knew the love he had for both you and Minho. He stroked your cheek with the back of his hand before sliding two fingers across your lips. Without command you started sucking on them, earning a smirk from the wolf-like boy. Upon removing them a loud pop was heard and he instead replace them with his dick. Minho’s thrusts made you jerk forward, Bangchan’s dick hitting the back of your throat and accidentally choking you. Tears burned in the corners of your eyes but you kept looking at Bangchan through those tear stained eyes because his eyes were filled with love, reassuring you. The difference in pace and attitude almost broke you. Minho’s dick twitched inside of your cunt, his member fitting perfectly between your velvety walls while Bangchan was taking his time, gently moaning and looking at you, stroking your ears backwards as he admired how pretty you looked with his dick stuffed in your mouth with drool spilling from the corners of those petal-like lips.

Minho was going even faster, your boobs bounced with his movements and made you choke even more on Bangchan’s dick. He glared at Minho with narrowed eyes, angry that he made you uncomfortable and such a mess beneath him. Minho being the smug cat that he is didn’t care. He wanted to see you even more wrecked and so his last couple of thrusts were hard, pounding into you almost like a piston. Minho was getting more vocal, letting out groans and breathy moans. As you looked at Bangchan with a fucked out expression with his dick in your mouth Minho came inside of you. The white liquid coated your insides and make a squelching sound as Minho rode out his orgasm with small nudges into your pussy. Minho’s length was pulled out of you, his cum leaking in drops down your thighs. Bangchan’s head rolled back as his girthy dick twitched in your mouth once before his cum spewed down your throat. His canines poked out once again signaling pleasure as he patted you on the head. With a loving expression you looked him straight in those narrow eyes and swallowed, your adams apple bobbing from the action. He smiled down at you and pulled you up for a kiss as Minho’s cum was still dripping down your leg.

Bangchan pulled away from the kiss and layed down on the bed panting. Minho stepped inside the bedroom with a towel in his hand which he threw at you.

“You did well” he said shallowly before he muttered something under his breath. “Didn’t deserve it”.

Bangchan frowned towards the boy. “y/n always deserves it, shes our bunny after all” he said while wiping you down as you giggled when the touched your sensitive parts.

“Yeah but if you try to dominate me once more you won’t be able to walk” Minho said as he layed down onto the bed, pulling you closer to his slightly sweaty body.

“I-.. I won’t” you murmured but the three of you knew it was a lie.

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nugnthopkns · 3 years

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dance me to the end of love (iv)

word count: 4.1k

warnings: fem!oc, cursing, alcohol consumption

series masterpost: here

a/n: my apologies for the delay!! life got crazy for a bit but i'm back with my two favourite idiot intellectuals

Magdalene stays busy to keep the loneliness at bay.

All of her friends have left Denver, doing whatever it is that hockey players and their partners do in the off-season. She never expected them to stay to keep her company, and would certainly never ask. Besides, they were all so excited to go home and visit family. How could she disrupt their happiness just so she wouldn’t feel so alone? It isn’t her fault that Ryan, Bette, and company aren’t estranged from their families like she is. At twenty-five she should be a little more self sufficient than what she currently is, but Magdalene is working hard at being kinder to herself.

To combat the pervasive loneliness Magdalene spends a lot of time in the heart of downtown Denver. Under normal circumstances she would hate the crowds, but now they comfort her. The swaths of tourists walking the streets and approaching her to take family photos make her feel like a part of something bigger than the pity she finds herself wallowing in often. Barn Owl Books also becomes a frequent retreat when she has downtime, and the owners enjoy when she brings Caligula around. Other patrons adore the white cat and he loves the attention.

One day as she’s leaving work, once again offering to stay late so June doesn’t have to, Magdalene’s phone rings. She contemplates not picking it up, wanting nothing more than to curl into bed with the novel she picked up at Barn Owl the other day, but she knows it must be important. No one ever calls her around this time unless it’s absolutely necessary. Digging the phone out of her pocket, she sees the number of her building superintendent Paul flashing on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Miss Stevenson?” he asks, voice tinged with the toughness that comes with dealing with upset renters on a regular basis.

Magdalene chuckles at the formality, pointing out he hasn’t called her by her last name since she moved in five years ago. “Yeah Paul, it’s me. What’s up?”

There’s the crackle of static on the phone line as the man clears his throat. “So, uh, some bad news.” Magdalene’s stomach twists into an intricate knot. She knows she paid rent on time and can’t think of another reason he’d call her. “A sprinkler main on the floor above yours burst about an hour ago, and it’s pretty bad. Your place definitely got hit the hardest because it’s directly under where the pipe burst. You’re going to have to move out for at least two months while we gut the place and start from scratch. How quickly can you come and get the things that are salvageable from your apartment?”

“Fuck.” This is the worst news Magdalene has ever received. “I can be there in fifteen minutes,” she panics, “But Paul, you’ve gotta go inside and check on my cat. He’s going to be freaking out.”

Paul agrees to visit Caligula after some prodding, and Magdalene drives much faster than she ever has before through the neighbourhood. It’s far from reckless, but she knows that it isn’t the safest course of action. A police officer stops her about three minutes from her final destination but lets Magdalene go after she explains the situation as calmly as possible.

Other tenants affected by the flood are already moving boxes down the stairs when Magdalene pulls up. Everyone is understandably grief stricken, but she can’t find it in herself to console them like she would under normal circumstances. All Magdalene cares about is making sure Caligula is okay. She sprints up the four flights of stairs and doesn’t even break a sweat, adrenaline flooding her veins. Her apartment door is ajar, most likely from Paul entering a few minutes ago, and she flings it open with more force than probably needed. It swings back violently on its hinges and makes a spectacular crash when it hits the wall.

“Caligula?”

“He’s in the bathroom,” Paul sighs. “I can’t get him out of the tub but he’s still breathing. Is he not scared of water?”

Magdalene lets out a breath of relief she didn’t know she was holding in. She treads deeper into the apartment, casually assessing the damage, before reaching the room in question. There, pressed against the far corner of the tub, is the fluffy white cat that Magdalene’s heart beats for most days. Paul is there too, leaning against the sink and shaking his head.

“Thank you,” Magdalene says sincerely. “I’ve got it from here.”

The superintendent exits the unit with a solemn goodbye and heads to the lobby, no doubt going to direct traffic flow and answer questions. It takes a few minutes but Magdalene coaxes the cat out of the tub and into her arms. She holds him tightly and whispers words of praise, knowing it will help to calm them both down. After an uncounted amount of minutes Magdalene moves them into the bedroom, that looks surprisingly intact upon first glance, and changes out of her work clothes and into something more suitable for rummaging around her destroyed home. Caligula climbs up her body and settles gingerly into the hood on her sweatshirt. She starts in the bedroom, and finds that the only thing that’s actually salvageable is the clothes in her closet. Grabbing the suitcase from the top shelf, Magdalene shoves everything inside of it and wheels it into the living room.

She spends the next few hours going through every room in a meticulous manner, desperate to keep relics from her life in Denver. The water did a number on her space and destroyed almost everything. All the furniture is a write-off, and most of her books and records are ruined. Two things that withstood the damage are faux marble busts of Augustus and Marcus Aurelius, which Magdalene packs into one of the boxes Paul dropped off. Everything else fits in three other boxes and they’re tucked into the trunk of her car before the sun sets. Paul insists that the demolition company will get rid of everything else and ensures her she won’t have to pay rent while the construction is going on. It isn’t much of a consultation, considering that Magdalene has no idea where she’ll be staying, but she thanks him anyways as she makes the final trip to her car with Caligula.

Once inside, Magdalene breaks down. She has no idea what to do – no one is in Denver to help her out and she can’t afford to stay in a hotel for however many months this is going to take to fix. Tyson and Bette will be back in just over a month, but Magdalene doesn’t want to bother them or guilt them into coming back early. She cries in the driver’s seat of her car for a while, Caligula on her lap and doing his best to lick up the tears streaming down her cheeks. Not knowing what else to do, she dials Ryan’s number. Though they haven’t been talking as frequently due to the time difference and Magdalene’s insistence he enjoys his time with family, she knows he’ll pick up and listen intently. He’ll also hopefully talk her down from the imaginary ledge she’s found herself on.

He picks up on the second ring. “How’s my favourite girl?” Ryan asks, and Magdalene can hear the smile in his voice. The combination of his voice and the words spoken has her choking on another sob. “Hey, hey, breathe.” Concern is now the primary emotion expressed through the phone line. “Mags, what’s the matter?”

It takes her a few seconds and multiple pads of Caligula’s paws into her stomach for Magdalene to calm down, but she eventually tells Ryan what happened. He listens just as she thought he would, and keeps her breathing steady with his voice. She cries a bit more before running out of tears, but Ryan keeps her focussed on anything but the shitty circumstance she’s found herself victim to – detailing how he skated with Nate earlier in the day and just how many times his teammate kicked his ass. Hearing the mundane story helps more than Magdalene thought it would, and when Ryan asks her where she’s going to stay she responds with a relatively strong voice.

“I’m just going to sleep in my car.”

“Fuck no you aren’t.” The certainty in which Ryan utters the words takes Magdalene by surprise. For someone so far away, he has a lot of opinions on what she should be doing.

She sighs. “There isn’t another option Ry. I can’t afford a hotel for the months my apartment is going to be out of commission and there’s no point in renting another place.”

“Stay with me.”

A series of flabbergasted noises come out of Magdalene’s dropped jaw, but she can’t form any words. Ryan continues, “Think about Caligula. Being cramped in a car isn’t going to be good for him. Or for you. I have an extra bedroom you can call your own for as long as you need. Please Mags.”

Truthfully, it’s the best she’s going to get. Bette and Tyson offered to house a couple of rookies this season, meaning their spare rooms are filled, and there’s no one else she’s close enough with to think about asking. “I don’t want to intrude,” she sighs, but it isn’t a very convincing deflection.

“I want you there,” Ryan insists, “And little boots too.”

It takes them a while to work out the logistics, but Ryan makes a couple of calls and lets the doorman of his building know Magdalene is moving in. He also books a flight for the next day, and ensures her that he’s more than ready to come back to Colorado. They talk for a few more minutes, and in that time she gets directions to her temporary home. Once Ryan hangs up with well wishes and a see-you-soon, Magdalene looks in her rear-view mirror and sets out for a part of Denver she never thought she’d live in.

☼☼☼☼

When Magdalene calls Bette to fill her in on what’s been going on while on the way to pick Ryan up from the airport, the blonde is taken aback by the surplus of information. “Hold on,” she breathes, “Ryan’s coming back to Denver?”

“What part of ‘I’m on my way to the airport to pick up Ryan’ was confusing?” Magdalene laughs.

Her friend doesn’t find the jest funny. “Fuck off.” The comment only increases Magdalene’s laughter, but Bette forges on with the conversation. “Can you recap the events that led to Ryan leaving home nearly three weeks early?”

Magdalene indulges her friend, explaining for what feels like the hundredth time that her apartment was destroyed in a flood and that Ryan offered her his spare bedroom and that he was coming home so she wouldn’t be alone in the unfamiliar environment. Bette listens in silence, and Magdalene imagines she has a shit-eating grin plastered on her face. She’s made quite a few comments about how friendly the two of them seem, but Magdalene does her best to shrug them off. Ryan can just be her friend, a great one even, without Bette projecting her need to have her best friend to have an identical lifestyle to her. Even if she’s right, and Magdalene does want there to be something more between her and Ryan.

“Hold the phone.” Magdalene hears Tyson shout, no doubt getting closer to his girlfriend so he can join in on the conversation. “Gravy’s letting you stay at his place?”

“Yeah…” she trails off, unsure about what wasn’t clear this time.

Tyson hums as though he’s an old-school anthropologist who just made an astute observation about the group they’re studying. “Interesting.”

“How so?”

“Well for starters, he barely lets us hang out at his place,” Tyson explains. “I think I’ve been there maybe twice. So that’s new. Is Caligula staying with you?”

Magdalene is completely confused. “Why wouldn’t he be? He’s my cat.”

“How does Gravy feel about it?”

“What the fuck are you getting at Tys?” Magdalene asks, but there’s a bite to the question. She’s tired of the impromptu interrogation he’s providing. “Because Ryan was excited to have him around. Last night I sent him a video of little boots prancing around the condo like he owned the place and he thought it was hilarious.”

Bette, who had been silent for several minutes, gasps loudly. Tyson laughs, but Magdalene can tell it’s riddled with disbelief. “Mags,” he says gently, though with more than enough teasing laced in, “Gravy isn’t a big pet guy.”

The comment hits Magdalene like a tonne of bricks. What is she supposed to do with that information? There’s only ten more minutes until she gets to the airport, and she needs time to push Tyson’s comment to the back of her brain and collect herself. Magdalene gives a rushed farewell before hanging up the phone and checking her rearview mirror and blindspots. The radio filters back through the car speakers, but she doesn’t hear it, too caught up in what Ryan allowing Caligula to share his space means. There’s little traffic on the off-ramp and before she knows it Magdalene is pulling into a parking space and killing the engine.

She grabs the messily scribbled welcome home banner from the back seat before locking the doors and heading inside to the arrivals section. The inside of the airport looks similar to the empty parking lot – it’s a Tuesday after all. Only a few others wait with her for the plane, and many chat idly amongst themselves. Magdalene stays off to the side in an attempt to not get sucked into a conversation about the upcoming thunderstorm. Passengers slowly trickle through the open door, and Ryan is easy to spot. He towers above everyone and is carrying a rather large bag of hockey equipment. Magdalene smiles at the sight of him, unable to help herself. It’s been nearly a month and a half since she’s seen him and being apart for that long is something she never wants to do again.

“Hi,” she breathes as he approaches, waving awkwardly while she speaks. It’s as though she hasn’t spent countless hours talking with him about every possible topic her mind could dream up.

Ryan doesn’t feel the tension, or if he does he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he wraps her in a tight hug that lasts a touch longer than one with just a friend should, especially in public. Magdalene tries hard not to melt into his side but it’s nearly impossible – Ryan has a magnetic pull that tugs on her heartstrings and makes her insides feel fuzzy. Others bustling around the terminal start to give them strange looks, and it’s only then that Ryan clears his throat and untangles his arms from Magdalene’s waist.

He smiles down at the strong-willed brunette with kind eyes and shoulders his bag once more. “Let’s go home.”

☼☼☼☼

It takes a few days to settle into a routine, but once they do it’s glorious. Training camp doesn’t start for another three weeks, so Ryan spends his day doing light workouts and chilling with Caligula while Magdalene is at work. Once she gets home they make dinner and watch West Wing reruns on the cable network Ryan didn’t know he was even paying for. Their lives fit together seamlessly and it surprises Magdalene just how much she missed having a roommate – Bette moved out after their sophomore year of college, and it’s been just her and Caligula ever since. Though the personal space is nice, she likes being able to hear Ryan laugh at the meme she just sent or knocking on his door in the middle of night to ask if he wants ice cream.

Magdalene wakes up one Saturday to complete silence. It’s unsettling considering she hasn’t heard that since adopting her pet – Caligula sleeps next to her head and breathes loud enough that she’ll never have to buy a white noise machine. She notices her door is slightly ajar and hears soft noises coming from the living room. Ryan must be taking a day off, Magdalene notes, because he’s typically out of the house by seven and it’s currently five minutes past eight. She rolls out of bed and stumbles into the ensuite, brushing the tangles out of her hair and washing her face.

Not bothering to change out the pyjama pants and hoodie she stole from Ryan, Magdalene pads into the sunlit living room to see her roommate doing yoga. On a tiny mat beside him is Caligula, stretching his limbs like he’s following along with the tutorial. The sight is adorable, and before she can think twice about it Magdalene is snapping a photo of the two of them and posting it to her Instagram story.

“You trying to whip my cat into shape Graves?” Magdalene teases, weaving around them and plopping onto the couch, bringing her knees to her chin and holding in a yawn.

Ryan laughs, loud and care-free, and Magdalene wishes he could record the sound and play it on loop. “He kept trying to sit underneath me and I didn’t want to hurt him. I read somewhere that if you give a cat something similar to what you’re doing they’ll leave you alone. Guess it really works.”

Her heart constricts in the best way possible. Ryan continues to go above and beyond to make her and Caligula welcome and doesn’t seem to mind they’re the ones invading his space and not the other way around. There’s still twenty minutes left on the YouTube video he’s watching, so Magdalene pushes herself off the expensive leather sectional and into the kitchen. The least she could do is make breakfast. Deciding on pancakes, Magdalene gets to work prepping the batter and warming up the frying pan. She hums absentmindedly to the Joni Mitchell song playing on the small radio she placed in the kitchen window. Music always made cooking more enjoyable for her, and Ryan doesn’t seem to mind the device taking up space.

The island is set and the food ready by the time Ryan slides into his seat, small beads of sweat lingering on his forehead from the workout. Magdalene resists the urge to wipe them away and instead busies herself with placing the right amount of berries on his plate.

“Mags,” Ryan calls softly, pulling her out of her mind and back down to Earth. “That’s more than enough. Sit down and eat before it gets cold.”

They eat in silence until Caligula appears, meowing for whatever scraps he can get his hands on. Against Magdalene’s pleas Ryan feeds him a blueberry. The cat sniffs it inquisitively before swallowing it, though it comes up again a few moments later.

“You’re cleaning that one up bud,” she laughs, bending down to make sure Caligula is okay before rinsing her plate in the sink.

“Fuck.”

Ryan does as he’s told and helps Magdalene with the dishes before getting ready to head out for an unofficial team meeting. Camp starts in a few days and Gabe wants to get together and make sure they’re all on the same page before barreling head-first into the season. He promises to pick them up a late lunch of sandwiches from Barn Owl and Magdalene follows him to the door to say goodbye. It feels natural, like they’ve always shared this routine, and she knows that Ryan feels it too because he wraps her in a tight hug before petting Caligula one last time and slipping out the door.

Bette calls soon after he leaves and grills Magdalene on all the details of her new living arrangement. She’s still in Canada, spending a few more days there than Tyson to help his mom and sister finish unpacking their things at the house they recently purchased.

“So, have you kissed him yet?”

The question is asked in such a casual, Bette-like manner that Magdalene barely chokes on her water. “Bee, what the fuck?”

“Oh come off it Mags,” she sighs, “You like him. He likes you. The two of you live together now. It’s only a matter of time before the friendship turns into something more.”

The blonde is right about at least one thing – Magdalene has developed a steady crush on Ryan. She should have known being in such close proximity to him all the time would put her feelings into overdrive. However, she didn’t have another option other than to accept his offer when it was proposed nearly a month ago, so Magdalene is now being forced to deal with the repercussions.

“I have, in fact, not kissed Ryan,” Magdalene huffs. “But I’ve thought about it once or twice.”

A squeal tears from Bette’s throat and she forces her friend to share the details. Magdalene obliges mostly to get her off her back, but it does feel good to talk about it with someone. It’s a very long time since she’s had romantic feelings for anyone, and Magdalene is nearly giddy with excitement over the possibility of new-found love by the time Ryan gets home. She says farewell to Bette and promises to come over as soon as they're both in the same city again.

It’s later than both of them expected, so they decide to forgo lunch and instead cook an early dinner. Ryan wants chicken and Magdalene wants spaghetti, so naturally they compromise on a carbonara without the pork. The radio is cranked to the highest volume as they work, both singing along and in their own little worlds. Magdalene is in charge of cooking the pasta and Ryan sets about making the sauce, and more than once she catches him looking at her while he’s supposed to be stirring the mixture. She can’t be too mad, however, because each time their eyes meet she’s supposed to be doing her job too. Before too much time has passed the meal is ready. It cools on two plates while Caligula is fed and wine is poured – the former done by Magdalene because the cat still isn’t quite comfortable enough with Ryan. Once sitting, they raise their glasses in a silent toast and dig in. The pasta tastes heavenly, and Magdalene makes sure to say so.

“Oh my god this is delicious,” she nearly moans, “You have to make this like every night.”

Ryan laughs and raises his fingers in mock salute. “You got it boss.”

Conversation flows into how they spent their hours apart – Ryan gushing about how good it was to see his teammates again and Magdalene talking about how she caught up with Bette on the phone. She of course left out the part where she confessed feelings for her best friend to her other, more senior best friend. Dinner passes in the blink of an eye and soon the two of them are standing side by side at the sink, elbows knocking occasionally as they do the dishes.

“Want to watch a movie tonight?” Ryan asks nonchalantly. “You said earlier this week you wanted to see Clueless again.”

Magdalene smiles – of course he would remember this offhand comment she made a few days ago about the classic. “That sounds fantastic. Can you finish putting these away? I’m going to pop a couple blankets in the dryer to warm up and see if I can get a nice picture of the sunset for Bette, she mentioned on the phone that she’s missing it.”

“She literally hasn’t changed time zones!”

Laughter tumbles from Magdalene’s lips as she slips out of the kitchen. Two fluffy blankets are pulled from the back of the couch on her way down the hall and tossed into the machine. Grabbing the same sweater of Ryan’s she was wearing earlier in the day from the foot of her bed, Magdalene heads for the balcony door and slips through the glass.

The city is nearly silent. Cars pass under Ryan’s balcony like blips in the night, but they don’t dare touch the peaceful atmosphere radiating from Magdalene. She’s had one of the best nights of her life, just her and Ryan laughing over glasses of wine and the pasta dish they cooked together. It’s all so domestic and charged with stolen glances and soft smiles that Magdalene knows it’s more than two friends living together for a short period of time. There’s been a fundamental shift in their relationship but she doesn’t know how to address it, or if she even wants to despite her looming attraction. Being with Ryan is so easy that she forgets it’s only temporary. Realistically she knows it can’t last forever, but she finds herself hoping each day Paul will call and tell her the rebuild is taking longer than expected.

Ryan calls her inside, informing her the blankets are out of the dryer and the movie she picked out days ago is queued up on the television. Magdalene takes a deep breath and finishes her glass of wine in one gulp. Hopefully he won’t notice when she casually leans in and rests her head on his shoulder halfway through the film.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @scrunchmakar @marcoscandellas @toplinetommy @samsteel @lovethepreds @cutiesara23 @hockeyallthetime @stlbluesbrat21 @denis-scorianov @danglesnipecelly @c-tangerine @stormingroses @spine-buster (add yourself to the taglist!)

#ryan graves imagine #ryan graves x oc #ryan graves fic #colorado avalanche imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fic #hockey imagine #hockey fic #cwrites #dmtteol

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oboevallis · 3 years

Text

runaway

hey it’s been a hot minute, not really sure what this is ive have it in my drafts for a while, but i feel like everyone’s written this 😂 but i wanted to post something at least also ‘who is he?’ part 4 will be coming out soon hope everyone’s doing well

“It’s always been her, hasn’t it?” Amelia’s voice wavered as she struggled to keep her composure.

“I didn’t sleep with her!” Link exclaimed, slurring his words. “I just stayed with her.”

“Whenever something goes wrong between us you always go running to Jo. Just get it over with and fuck her already! She’ll be all the things I’m not.”

“You have no right to be mad. I poured my heart out to you, I’ve been planning for months on proposing to you. I love you Amelia Shepherd, but your so damn self destructive you’re ruining this for the both of us. I’ve done everything you’ve wanted this is just one thing I wanted. If anything I should be mad, but I’m being the bigger person.”

“You’re being the bigger person?” Amelia chuckled in disbelief. “Talk to me again when you’re sober.”

“Who said I wasn’t sober?”

“Please, part of Jo’s help sessions always result in the two of you downing a bottle of whiskey, which is an incredibly unhealthy coping mechanism.” As she said this she was aggressively packing her clothes in a suitcase.

“Not everyone’s a fucking alcoholic. Not everyone has to sit an a room with fucked up strangers complaining about their lives, when they did that to themselves.”

“You think I wanted to be snorting oxy off of the reception desk of a medical practice while I’ll my friends watched? Or stealing my brothers car and crashing it trying to find drugs? I thought you were different but you’re just like Owen.” That’s the last thing she said before walking into their sons nursery and scooping with up.

“You can’t take Scout.”

“I can because you’re drunk out of your mind, I don’t even know why I’m talking to you.”

“Where are you going?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Amelia yelled before slamming the door behind her. She fought to get the baby in his car seat, she couldn’t seem to catch a break. She needed to get away, she needed to go back to her original refuge.

“Come on Scout, can we cooperate for mommy?” Amelia begged, fighting off tears as her son kicked and screamed. Despite being a movement baby he hated the car, specifically the car seat since no one could hold him. Eventually the baby was secured, and he quickly fell asleep, as he realized how he exhausted himself after his tantrum. Three hours into the drive Amelia immediately started to regret this, it was a 17 hour drive, and she was doing it alone with a baby who just barely turned one. No, she was doing this, she needed to. She’d be sure to take as many breaks as she needed. This was what needed to be done for her and her sons well-being.

After two hotel visits and countless stops along I-5 S she found herself in LA standing outside her sisters door, but couldn’t bring herself to knock. She knew Addison loved her but she couldn’t help already feeling the subtle condescension. ‘How have you already managed to screw this up?’ ‘I love you Amy, I do, but isn’t this a little extreme?’ ‘You’re clean, right? Because I’ll take you back right this minute’

Quickly she turned around to go back to her car to think about her next game plan before a voice stopped her.

“Amy?” Amelia jerked back around to be met with Addison’s confused yet comforting smile.

“Umm I’m vaccinated, but I got tested if that makes you more comfortable. I’m negative I-I just needed to get put of Seattle.”

“I know the feeling.” The older woman chuckled holding the door open wider to allow the two to come in. “Now let me hold my new nephew!” She squealed as she held her arms out for the baby, soaking in his tiny stature. “I miss when Henry was this little.”

“Where is the little guy? It’s awfully quiet.”

“They went camping, Henry’s been stir crazy for over a year and it seemed safe enough for the two to go away.”

“I’m sure Jake was thrilled.” Amelia smirked thinking back to the time the practice went on a camping trip together and Jake had almost refused to go hence his disdain for the wilderness.

“You know it.” Addison joked along, playing with the baby’s tiny fingers. The older woman then lead the way back onto the deck and settled on a lounge chair under an umbrella. Amelia followed behind and took out sunscreen from the diaper bag she was sure to pick up once they got to LA. “He’s absolutely adorable Amelia.”

“Thanks.” Amelia smiled as she lathered the baby’s extremities with sunscreen.

“Gosh i just want to eat him up.” Addison pretended to bite into him, causing the baby to shriek with laughter. Cracking the first genuine smile the neurosurgeon had since after Maggie’s wedding. “You know I was talking to Charlotte a little while ago and she mentioned she was going to go to a meeting if you want to go meet up with her, she still goes to the one near the pier.”

“Thank you, Addison.” It now felt silly to have been scared to talk to Addison, she always knew how to help the neurosurgeon. “Are you sure you’re okay to watch him?”

“More than okay.” Addison beamed, running her hand through the baby’s hair. “And even if you stayed I still wouldn’t let this little guy go.”

“I love you Addie.”

“Love you too Amy.” Addison assured as the woman walked out to her car, it’d be a lie if she said she wasn’t worried for her little sister. But she was reaching out for help, she wasn’t sure what the issue was but she was immensely proud she came to her and not a baggie of pills.

_______________________________________

“Don’t you think you should call her?” Jo asked as she prepared a bottle for Luna.

“No.” Link coldly said, cradling the baby in his arms.

“At least for Scout’s sake?”

“He’s fine, looking back Amelias made it very clear she’s the only parent that matters or gets a say.” Link bitterly replied.

“I’m sure it isn’t like that.” As much as she loved her dear friend, he couldn’t see where he also went wrong in this situation. “She loves you.”

“Not enough to marry me.”

“She isn’t ready.”

“Her and Hunt were off and on, and she accepted his proposal.”

“First off she had a brain tumor, and because of said brain tumor she impulsively asked him to marry her. She thinks clearly now, and I think she just wants it to work out and be right.” Jo turned around and sighed as she saw her friends annoyed look. “You’ve never been a marriage guy, where is this even coming from?”

“I don’t know it just feels right, i don’t want to lose her.”

“Your gonna lose her if you push her into this.”

“I move mountains for her, I’ve adjusted my whole life for her. It’s just one thing, one thing that I want.”

“Link are you stupid? This isn’t fighting over what couch you get this determines the rest of your life. And marriage isn’t all that, it doesn’t keep a person there.” Jo sighed, since adopting Luna she’d been thinking a lot about her ex husband, and how stupid the concept of marriage was.

________________________________________

“Has he called?” Addison cautiously asked as Amelia fed her baby.

“Nope.” Amelia popped the ‘p’. “I get that he hates me now, but I thought he’d at least check in on Scout.”

“He’s just upset.”

“I know, I just thought he understood. He’s nothing like Owen but since we moved into his apartment I just feel suffocated like I did when we were married.”

“Have you tried talking to someone, professionally?” Addison inquired, leaning further back onto the beach chair.

“What so they can silently judge how I have a perfect life but still feel terrible?”

“Amy, you know a therapist isn’t going to think that, their there to help you without judgement.” She stared at the woman for awhile until she came to a realization. “After Scout was born you didn’t have any postpartum appointments did you?”

“No, the world had shut down a week after he was born.” Amelia confirmed.

“Do you think your having a delayed postpartum depression reaction? I mean you were thrown into taking care of a newborn and three other kids who aren’t yours in complete isolation . Then On top of that you didn’t have time to grieve Christopher. It’s difficult on women who have lost a child previously when they bring home a healthy baby.” Amelia held back her tears, as much as she tried to focus on scout she couldn’t help but feel broken over the fact Christopher didn’t have the opportunities scout has.

“Pre-covid a day wouldn’t go by that I didn’t think of Christopher. Then I just got so caught up in everything, and I’d barely think about him. I mean I almost forgot his birthday.”

“You can’t feel guilty about that.”

“I j-just wish Link would get that I don’t want another baby.I mean he’s ten times more understanding than Owen was about my grief but, I just don’t want another baby.”

“You’re allowed to not want another baby, but do you think it has to do with Christopher?”

“I don’t think so, I just can’t love yet another person without losing myself. It feels like I already have, I don’t recognize anything about me. Surgery doesn’t even give me the thrill it use to.” The older women sat up and placed a reassuring hand on the younger ones knee.

“I’m gonna talk to Violet and have her refer someone to you. Then you’re gonna talk to Link and come up with a game plan. And I’m gonna be right here the whole time, you’re my family. Everyone here is your family we’ve got you.”

#amelia shepherd #amelink #atticus lincoln #baby amelink #greys anatomy #greysanatomy #greys fanfic #addison montgomery #scout lincoln #jo wilson

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peachiikawa · 4 years

Text

Fly | Route Selected: N. Yuu

genre: mafia au

warnings: violence, guns, blood

word count: 3.2k

Fly Masterlist

“I..I choose him”

You made eye contact with the short man with a blond streak in his hair

“What?”

The distaste in his voice was evident

It was so silent in the police precinct that you could hear a pin drop

Daichi cleared his throat to try and cut the tension

“Ok well if thats your choice then thats that. Nishinoya, make sure they get home and get them to work tomorrow. Dismissed”

Nishinoya nodded his head

“Yes, sir.”

You were surprised that he had little objections about it

But you were soon pulled out of your thoughts when he roughly grabbed your wrist

“Stop daydreaming lets go”

He let go once the car he called came for you two

And as soon as the door closed and the car was moving he pinned his arm against your neck, almost choking you

“I dont know who you are or what youre doing here but i swear to fucking god if i think youre going to hurt anyone here then i will kill you. Nod if you get it”

You nodded your head as fast as you could and he backed off of you

You were too terrified to say anything after that you basically tried to make yourself as small as possible in your seat

After about ten more minutes the car finally arrived at your apartment

“I’ll..um..see you tomorrow nishinoya. Oh im y/n by the way!”

He just grunted and waited for you to shut the door

After he left you went to your room and just fell onto it while taking a deep sigh

Just what have you gotten yourself into?

Nishinoya was at your house at 8:00 AM sharp. He was leaning against the hood of it, checking his watch every two seconds waiting for you

You knew he was there but your nerves refused to let you go down there

Only when you two made eye contact from your window did you know that you had to go

“Sorry im late!”

He said nothing as he got into the car

The car ride was awkward to say the least

You could hear your own heartbeat, could he hear it too?

You were so caught up in your thoughts that didnt even realize the car had stopped

“Hey”

You snapped your head toward him

“Yes?”

He rolled his eyes

“We’re here so get out already”

You undid your seat belt and tried to keep up with him

Where were you exactly? You looked up at the building in front of you to see ‘Sawamura Inc.’ plastered on the front of it

Your eyes widened, you were working here now?

“Get your ass inside”

Noya brought you out of your thoughts once again and you hurried yourself in

You were then stopped by an intimidating looking man

“Hey im asahi and ill be training you today.”

Between nishinoya and him you didnt know who was more intimidating

Actually it was nishinoya, dont know why you even had to ask yourself that

But despite asahi being the one to train you, nishinoya never left your side

You could practically feel his eye burning holes into the back of your head the entire time

This continued on for weeks

Nishinoya always made sure you were within his eyesight

You were printing some charts out for suga and noya was leaning against the doorway

“Nishinoya, can i ask you something?”

You took his silence as approval

“Dont you have other work to do? Im sure that you probably have better things to do that just watch me run errands for everyone”

You were right, he did have other things to take care of

But you were his number one priority during the day

“I can just take care of my other things at night. I was ordered to watch you so i am. Besides you chose me so if you have a problem thats your own fault”

You shook your head

“I dont have a problem with you, dont misunderstand, i just hope that im not being too much of a hindrance to you? I just mean...i know you didnt ask for this so..im sorry if ive caused you any problems”

You took the stack of papers from the printer and turned towards him with a smile on your face

“But thank you for taking time out of your day to watch over me, whether you were ordered to or otherwise”

You walked out and he just stood there for a moment processing your words

He just scoffed

Why would you be thanking someone who threatened to kill you only a few weeks ago?

You were strange

He thought it was weird that you had absolutely no sense of danger

But hes noticed a ton of weird things you do over the days hes been watching you

How you scrunch your nose when you dont understand what youre doing

Or how you play with your fingers when youre nervous

All of these little actions were so annoyingly cute--

Wait no. not cute.

Definitely not. He had to focus. You could still be a threat to the mafia and he wasnt going to let anyone, no matter how cute they were, hurt his family

But watching you interact with the rest of the mafia made him feel as if he didnt have to be as hard around you anymore

He thought it was funny how you teased kageyama sometimes actually

And he almost wanted to join in on the fun

But he knew his place

Right now was one of the rare instances that nishinoya wasnt on you

So you turned your head to asahi who was sitting across from you doing his work while you had the chance before noya came back

“Hey asahi?”

He looked up at you

“Whats up y/n?”

You fiddled with your fingers

“Does nishinoya not like me? I mean i can understand since i take up a lot of his time but i feel like theres a wall between us that he wont lower no matter how much i try and talk to him”

Asahi just let out a deep sigh

“Thats not surprising. He...hes slow to trust. Out of any of us here, hes probably been with the sawamuras the longest. His loyalty is unparalleled”

You nodded along as you followed his words

“Then..i guess ill just have to earn his trust!”

That didnt happen for a couple more weeks though

It had happened when some grunts that worked in the office barged into the break room to get some coffee

They had shoved you out of the way to get to the counter

Luckily nishinoya caught you before you could fall

“God can you believe Daichi is pulling out of the shiratorizawa alliance? What a dumbass move”

“Yeah maybe hes going stupid in the head. Knew he wasnt cut out for this”

They both started laughing and you could feel noyas arms going stiff

“H...hey!”

You stood up from the ground before noya could jump in

Both of them turned their head towards you with scowls on their faces

“You got something to say?”

You kept your gaze firm

“Actually yeah, i do have something to say. Daichi is a good boss and he always does what he thinks is right for everybody. If he thinks that pulling out of the shiratorizawa alliance is whats best then i trust him on that and you should too! I mean, you two work for him! Dont you think you should show him a little respect?”

They just both busted out laughing

“Respect? For him? Hes nothing without his father. He never wanted anything to do with us anyways. Hes a weak bastard”

“Yeah well at least hes a better man than you two will ever be”

Maybe you provoked them too much

“You wanna say that again bitch?!”

You raised your hands to cover your face bracing yourself for the impact

But you opened your eyes when you heard their strangled voices cry out

“Dont touch them”

Nishinoya was in front of you, the man who was gonna hit you on his knees with his wrist in noyas hand

A sickening crack heard in the room

“Leave. I dont want to see either of your faces here ever again”

Both of them scrambled out of the room as fast as they could

You let out a shaky breath

“Thank you nishinoya”

He turned towards you with his hands in his pockets

“It was nothing. Just doing my job”

After that he wasnt as abrasive with you anymore

Talked to you more at work

Even joined in on teasing kageyama with you!

It made you smile every time he helped you with something as simple as bringing you a drink in the morning

Seeing you smile in the morning started to be something he would look forward to

He trusted you more now

And eventually it led to him knocking on your door at 3 AM on a friday night

You opened the door to your apartment still only slightly aware of what was happening

“Hello?”

You immediately perked up at the sight in front of you

Noya looked like he was about to collapse from the amount of bruises and cuts on him

“Can i come in?”

You quickly got him inside and sat him down on your couch

“Um stay here and undress ill go get my first aid kit

He just nodded his head as you ran off

Once you came back you poured some alcohol on a rag and went for the bigger slash on his side

But you stopped at what you saw

He had so many scars

You unconsciously brought your hand up to one of them and ran a finger over it to which he shuttered under your touch

“Y/N?”

You pulled your hand away and focused again

“Sorry, this might sting”

You saw his face grimace and his hand tighten around his shirt

“Did that hurt too much?”

He shook his head

“No its fine keep going”

Once you were done disinfecting and bandaging all of his wounds, you laid him down on a pillow so he could rest

“Oh! Let me go get you some water”

But once you came back he was already asleep

You set the water on the coffee table and grabbed a blanket from your room and laid it on top of him

You sat on the ground next to him just taking in what had just happened

He looked so different when he was asleep but still just as handsome

You slowly fell asleep with your head leaning against the edge of the couch cushion

Noyas eyes slowly opened due to the cracks of sunlight coming through the window

When he turned his face he was only a hair length away from yours

Which startled him so he shot up from the couch which made you bolt awake

“What is it? Whats happening??”

You looked around looking for the fire only to see that noya had woken up

“Oh good morning nishinoya. Sleep well?”

You stretched your arms out and yawned

“You can take a shower if you want. Ill go get you a towel”

He was about to object but you left too fast

He stood up and looked around your apartment and saw some photos on a shelf

He picked up the frame to see a young you, probably around five or six with two adults sitting beside you

Your parents

He suddenly realized how...ordinary your life must have been

“Nishinoya?”

He snapped his head towards you and put the photo down

“Cmon ill show you the shower”

You had a smile on your face that made his heart do something weird

He didnt understand it

After he got out you were sitting on the couch with your first aid kit

“Do you need help rewrapping your bandages?”

He nodded his head and made his way toward you to sit down

You started wrapping him up, trying to be careful not to irritate his wounds

He just stared at you

Normally someone would be curious in this type of situation

So why werent you saying anything?

“Are you not going to ask any questions?”

You just kept applying ointment

“No, unless you want to talk about it but i know it doesnt really concern me as im not..officially in the mafia with you guys. What happened is your business, i know you handle your jobs at night since youre busy dealing with me during the day”

He was kind of shocked at how understanding you were

His hand reached out on its own and pulled you into a hug before he knew what he was doing

You froze as soon as he pulled you in

Just what was happening?

You both slowly pulled away from each other, hints of reds and pinks covering both of your cheeks

“Im done wrapping you up so I’ll um go shower now. If youre hungry feel free to look in the kitchen for something to eat”

You rushed off with a hand covering your face

Noya sat there confused

What had gotten into him?

He put his shirt back on and left before you could come back out

He wasnt being himself and needed to leave

Monday came around and you hadnt seen or heard from noya since saturday morning

You were shocked to see that he was gone when you had come out of the shower

But at the same time you were relieved to see him gone after that awkward moment together

Noya had picked you up like usual though and he acted like nothing had happened

So you decided to just follow along and did your job as usual

It was kind of awkward between the two of you

The only thing breaking the silence between you two was nishinoyas phone notification going off

“I have a meeting with daichi. Ill be back later”

You nodded your head

“Ill be here”

He quickly left the room and you let out a sigh

Noya quickly made his way to daichis office, clutching the area above his heart

Why did it race around you now?

You didnt even do anything

You were just...there

“God what the hell is wrong with me?”

He ran a hand through his hair

You on the other hand finished all your tasks for the day

You looked at the time...only half past two

There was a bakery right around the block, maybe you could pick something up real quick for everyone

So you went on your way grabbing only your wallet since it was so close

As soon as you turned the corner though you felt something was wrong

You picked up the pace, hoping to get to the bakery before anything happened

But as soon as you picked up the pace so did your stalkers

You yelped when you felt someone yank on your arm, pulling you into an alley

“Someone help! Nishinoya!”

You tried to kick whoever was holding you

“Shut them up we need to get out of here”

A white cloth came over your mouth and you were quickly unconscious

Itd been hours since noya had last seen you and he could feel his stomach dropping

Where the hell were you?

Kageyama said he last saw you finishing up a report for suga and suga said he received that hours ago

Noyas foot wouldnt stop tapping the ground, he couldnt sit still and everyone around him was starting to notice how antsy he was

“Hey noya whats up?”

Asahi was just trying to get noya to calm down from whatever was bothering him

“I havent seen y/n since my meeting with daichi. For some reason my chest gets tight when i think that something bad mightve happened to them. When they smile my heart races and i cant stand the idea of anything bad happening to them”

Asahi just let out a deep sigh

“Nishinoya, have you ever considered that you might love them?”

He...loved you?

Suddenly everything made sense to him

How he caught himself smiling whenever he saw you teasing kageyama or how when he woke up that morning in your apartment he wanted nothing more than to wake up like that every morning

He loved you

A ringing sound echoed in the room and noya pulled out his phone

An unknown number

Unease settled in him as he answered the phone

“Hello?”

“This Nishinoya?”

His hand tightened around his phone

“Yeah. Whos this”

“Meet us at the warehouse on 6th near the port in thirty minutes and come alone. If you dont then itd be a shame if something happened to y/n”

Noya could hear your strangled whimpers before the phone call ended

His blood ran cold

“Asahi..someone took y/n”

His voice was low and feral, it sent chills down asahis back

“I'm going ahead. Bring backup ill send you the details”

Nishinoya grabbed his jacket and left the building

His feet hit the ground as soon as he got there, he couldnt care less about his own safety right now

The cold metal pushed against his hands as he opened the door to the warehouse

“Y/n?!”

He felt his heart stop once his eyes landed on you

Blood ran down your face, your beaten body limp on the floor

“Took you long enough. They werent as fun as we thought they were going to be. Glad you got here before we broke ‘em”

Noyas jaw tightened as he instantly recognized them

How dare they touch you

He had shown them mercy the day they almost hit you in the break room

But now he knew that was a mistake

“What do you want with me?”

They both had disgusting smiles on their faces

“You got us kicked out of the mafia, something that was important to the both of us. Of course we had to return the favor, though we’ll be taking them”

The man gripped your chin and noya saw your eyebrows twitch from the discomfort

“Dont touch them!”

Red flooded noyas vision

He hadnt felt this amount of rage and fear in a long time

But as soon as he moved one of them had a gun pointed at him while the other was on you

“Theres no way you can win this. Just sit and watch”

“Is that what you think?”

Noya turned around at the sound of daichis voice

Hed never been so relieved to have backup before

In their shock the karasuno mafia quickly got the upper hand against the two former members

And as soon as noya could he lifted you into his arms and wiped away the blood on your face with frantic movements

But you slowly grabbed one of his hands and intertwined your fingers with his

“Thank you for coming nishinoya”

His lips quivered as tears flowed down his face and onto yours

“Im so sorry y/n”

You shook your head

“Its not your fault noya. Please believe me when i tell you that”

He nodded his head and tried to stop his crying

“I love you so much y/n. You wont ever have to go through this ever again, i promise”

His brought your hand up to his lips and he kissed your knuckles

“I love you too, noya. Now cmon, lets get home im really tired”

He lifted you up and carried you out, not bothering to talk to anyone as he left and no one talking to him either

For the first time karasunos guardian had something else he wanted to protect

And he was going to love and treasure you for as long as he was alive

taglist: @the-ironic-me @multisun @my-mass-hysteria @sugawsites @youbloodylegendyoudidit @sinthxy @celamoon @tinymouth @fait-de-fleurs @tsukifanbase @69owo

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! x reader #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya yuu x reader #nishinoya yu x reader #nishinoya yuu #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu!! scenarios #tw violence #tw blood #tw guns

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bluesakura007 · 4 years

Text

A Case of an Ailment - TF2 Medic x OC

Summary: When the Hacker is suffering from hellish cramps and pains, Medic is brought to help - however, what they first need to get around in order to treat her is her phobia of needles.

Warnings: Only the use of syringes for medical purposes, but apart from that it’s just pure fluff. 💕

The Hacker was laid out on the top of her bed, slightly curled up. Valeria Weatherford never expected this pain she was experiencing to take place - it was nothing more than an unforeseen event as a result - although she had to admit to herself that she should’ve at least had an idea this would happen. After all, earlier that very same day she’d experienced a tiny twinge of a significantly more dull version of this current sensation, during which it had shown itself on her facial expression and consequently Sniper had enquired as to whether she was alright. ‘You’ll feel better after you’ve eaten something, mate’, was the advice that this Australian had given her, and it had worked, until now, that is. But she’d decided to not go to the man who was responsible for her medical care, as well as that of the other mercs; the reason for this was because she reached the conclusion that everyone had, for lack of a better term, a bit of a funny tum-tum every now and then, so therefore she should stop being a baby and just wait for it to pass. And yet here she was, at roughly about 9:40 PM, writhing around on her bed thanks to the dull, ‘weird’ pain from several hours earlier having escalated to a very sharp and throbbing one which had fully spread throughout her abdomen by now. The time in between the two had only been a temporary reprieve. To put it simply, what she was experiencing right now was pure and utter hell. “What do you want us to do?” Another of the mercs and the only other female one, the Secretary, asked in concern as she and Scout watched their teammate and friend groan weakly every ten seconds while she slithered in place. They’d been walking down the corridor outside Hacker’s room an estimate of a couple of minutes ago when they’d heard her groaning and came in to see what was the matter. “Do you want us to get you anything to help?” “Yeah.” Valeria managed to answer in between a mixture of her cringing and her trying to slow down her breaths as an unsuccessful attempt at dumbing down the pain; her dark brown-red shoulder length hair had become slightly more messy in the last few minutes, and she felt like her temperature was marginally raised right now, making the situation even worse. And then, choosing to go ahead with the plan of action that she’d decided to not use earlier, she added, “Two things: get Medic, and get him quickly!” “Should one of us stay with you here in the meantime?” “No, I’ll be alright alone for a minute or two.” She gave another answer to Francoise. With that, Scout informed her that they’d be back in a minute, and then the pair were off like a shot, making their way out of the room and down the corridor towards the Medic’s infirmary as quickly as possible. Finding no better alternative at this moment in time, Hacker clasped both of her hands over her stomach and tried to gently give it a self massage, and as expected, this was only about 4% effective. “Is zere anysing else I should know?” “She was sayin’ she felt hot, and I think she looked like she was having’ these cramps earlier, a few hours ago.” Replied Scout, him and Secretary now walking in lockstep back towards Hacker’s room on either side of their fellow merc whose presence she’d requested. “I see. Vell zen, it’s good zat you two came to tell me, or else her recovery vould be much more of a slow process.” Jeremy and Francoise would be outright lying if they claimed that Medic’s seriousness didn’t surprise them - usually, when it came to other patients, he would appear excited at the prospect of putting his medical tools to use and his outward behaviour would be described as giddy, but somehow, the incident he was faced with at this moment was making his behaviour instead appear to be that of calmness. It was a rarity that they’d been unfamiliar with until Valeria joined the team. Within another few seconds, meanwhile, Hacker herself finally managed to find at least some relief when the door to her room opened from the outside, and in stepped the doctor. Help had arrived. She rolled over onto her right, having previously been facing the wall next to her bed on her left, in order to look in the direction of the door a few feet in front of her with her head still laid down on the mattress. “Evening, Josef.” She and some of the other mercs sometimes liked to address him by his real name. “Good evening, Frau Hacker.” He returned the greeting at the same time as walking up next to her and temporarily kneeling down so that he could get the tools he needed, which he’d brought with him, together; he put them out of his hands and onto the floor, gathering them together appropriately whilst Secretary closed the door again behind them. “Scout told me zat you vere having zis same problem earlier, but to a much smaller degree. Vhy didn’t you come to see me vhen it happened?” He turned his head to look at her. “It was only by a tiny smidgen at that point in time... so I thought I could just ride it out. I thought that I shouldn’t... need to rely on medication for every little problem like that. It was gone again for a while.” She needed to pause for a couple of moments so as to allow her intervals of cringing. “Ja, but as ve can all see, it made a rather nasty return, so zis just goes to show zat when you’re unwell, you need to come to me, even if it is just ‘by a tiny smidgen’.” Medic said to her in a fractionally scolding manner. “If left untreated, zat smidgen could lead to somezhing bigger, like zis.” “Sorry...” “It’s alright, just always remember to come and see me vhen zhese zings happen, ja?” By now he’d assembled the main component of the method he was going to use for treating her: a thin metal pole. “Okay.” She nodded her head, using her free hand that wasn’t clasped over her abdomen to sweep some stray strands of her hair out of her face, at the same time as wondering to herself what it was that he was planning on doing. Muttering to himself about nothing in particular, the Medic then reached inside one of his coat’s pockets and removed his pair of red gloves, proceeding to pull them onto his hands and feeling pleasurable chills run down his spine when their loud snapping noise was heard a couple of seconds later; Francoise and Jeremy were also wondering what his plan of action was by this point, as the only medical tool they were able to see him carrying a few seconds ago was the parts of the pole, and they were additionally thinking, ‘What type of treatment for this sort of problem needs his gloves to be used?’ The rest was obviously inside the white briefcase he’d been holding that was now on the floor. Their mental queries were soon answered, though, when he opened up the briefcase, and all three of the others could see that inside it was a long, thin plastic wire, a bag currently containing a clear fluid, and an item strongly resembling a small syringe. “This was a bad idea.” They weren’t looking at her, so they couldn’t see her do so, but the other 3 heard Valeria make this comment to herself next to them, and she seemed to have regained some motivation to move, because they did turn their heads to see what was happening when she abruptly pulled herself off of her bed, landing on the floor and creating a noise in the process. The floor was made of wood, and she instantly wished that she’d stayed, because it was cold - she could feel the coldness thanks to its surface making direct contact with her torso’s skin that wasn’t covered up by her crop top. As quickly as she could, she still felt like she couldn’t get up so she tried to pull herself along the floor on her way to where the door was, whilst moving still made the pain intensify and made her keep cringing. Eventually, however, she admitted defeat when she was about halfway across the room, feeling even more tired and groggy now than she did a minute ago, and she rolled onto her back and weakly stared up at the lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. In this time, Josef had barely moved at all and neither had Scout or Secretary, because there’d been a very good reason for them to not be rushing to catch her. “You okay, Val?” Enquired Scout. “No...” She was then back in the same position on the floor: curled up with one hand on her stomach. “Why can’t you just give me a pill or something like that, Medic?” Josef, remembering that she had trypanophobia and that this was most likely the reason behind what had just happened, got up from where he’d been kneeling and approached her. “Because my IV treatment is a much quicker method; a pill vould take half an hour or a whole hour to put itself into effect, because it needs to travel through zhe digestive tract first and be broken down before zhe liver releases its remnants into zhe bloodstream, but as implied in its name, an intravenous drip takes a shortcut directly to zhe veins and zhe bloodstream vizhout needing to go through zhe process of being broken down.” He stood over her as he said this making himself look like a mostly dark silhouette from her perspective courtesy of the ceiling’s lightbulb, but after he’d finished speaking, he knelt down towards her so that their faces were now only about a foot away from each other. “I chose zis option because I thought you’d vant a more immediate solution.” “I do, I do, it’s just I wish that quicker solution didn’t have to involve things prodding through my skin.” She shook her head and shuddered at the thought of it. Making sure to do it carefully, Medic reached his arms out and used them to pick Valeria up off the floor, during which she groaned again almost silently to herself, and he hoisted her up into a position where her head was over his shoulder and her legs were dangling loosely in front of his chest. “I know, Hacker. I have no intention on forcing you into anysing zat you don’t vant to do, but I’m afraid it’s either zis or sit through zhe pain for anozher hour.” He responded to her in a tone that was dominated by understanding and a gentleness that Scout and Secretary both found to be another occurrence they’d never seen from him before, prompting them to be surprised once again while Josef knelt down again, this time slightly but not fully, so that he could safely sling her off of his shoulder and back onto her bed after he’d walked back up to it. “I... alright then, I suppose I’ll do it...” Hacker chose to swallow her phobia and ride it out, this objective potentially being more successful this time. He nodded in acknowledgement. “Zhank you. A person’s phobia is a difficult thing for zhem to get around, so I think it’s good of you to try and do zhat.” He displayed a small, brief smile as a way to show that he was proud before he turned back around towards his briefcase on the floor. Jeremy and Francoise, during this, both sat down a few feet away in the computer chair and the regular chair in the vicinity of Valeria’s ‘gaming den’ in the corner of the room, watching Medic pull out the liquid-filled plastic bag from the briefcase in one hand and then the thin wire in the other. His patient herself observed what he was doing, her fear currently being one that made the feeling in her stomach feel somewhat more sickening, but it didn’t become more serious until she watched him use the same hand he was utilising for holding the wire also grasp hold of the syringe. Her eyes had grown wider and for a moment she could’ve sworn she could feel her breath catching in her throat, along with her heartbeat racing and with it ringing in her ears. She was completely fine around doctors in general, it was just when they pulled out these dreaded tools that shoved medicines directly into her blood when she experienced the previously described reaction. Oh my god, oh blimey... She watched him hang up the bag on the pole next to her bed and then attach one end of the wire to the bottom of the bag, allowing the fluid to flow through it and to the other end, which was currently closed. Now that this was done, he lifted up the needle to attach it to this other end of the wire, prompting Hacker to instinctively pull her legs in closer to herself because of it being nearer than it was a moment ago. “It’s alright, Val.” Secretary reassured her friend when she witnessed her do this. “Francoise is right, you know.” Added Medic in agreement, neither of these two sentences being completely heard as a result of her accelerated heart rate pounding through her ears. He attached the plunger end, which was open, onto the loose end of the wire, and now the fluid from the bag had pushed itself into the syringe as well. There was a chair next to her bed, as well, so the German pulled this up underneath him and used it to sit on as he brought the needle closer to her bed. “Could you give me your arm please?” She decided that her right arm was closer to him, so she slowly, tentatively, reached this one out, with a small tear each materialising in both of her eyes. With his empty hand, the left one, he grabbed hold of her forearm - she experienced some chills there as well as down her back when she felt that his glove was rubbery and cold, but soothingly so after the split second in which its coldness took her by surprise - in a manner that was mostly gentle. “Hey, look who’s here!” Scout got everyone’s attention, except for Medic’s because of him wanting to focus on what he was doing, and the former seemed to be pointing to the corner of the room opposite him and Francoise; what appeared to be a white dove with some bloodstains populating its feathers poked its head out from behind a pile of books and computer manuals there, emitting a small cooing noise as it looked directly at the pair. “Archimedes!” Hacker, realising that he must’ve been following Medic down the corridor a minute ago and gotten into the room unnoticed before the door was shut again, exclaimed in surprise upon hearing the ‘coo’. Medic also reached his own realisation due to his loyal pet seemingly providing a distraction: it was now or never, and therefore he used his other hand, while she wasn’t looking, to jab the needle into the underside of her right forearm. This made her attention return in an instant as she gasped from the sharp sting there, looking at it with her eyes wide again. “You did it! It’s okay, zhe hard part’s over now.” He told her, the smile returning to his features. “Vell done, Valeria.” However, before she could respond, she noticed straight away that for some reason, she suddenly felt more drowsiness than she did before, her eyelids momentarily closing themselves by a few degrees - a change that had to be connected with the drip that the vein inside her arm had just been connected to. “What exactly... did... you put in that IV, Medic...?” “Zhe main fluid inside zhe bag is ibuprofen in liquid form, which I enhanced a vhile ago to be more effective and vith zhat being vhy it’s clear in colour, but a few minutes ago I also added a small handful of my anaesthetic supply into it as an extra ingredient, so zhat it could help you to sleep better, as well.” He gave his reply at the same time as wrapping a thin bandage he’d removed from one of his coat’s pockets around the area of her wrist where the needle was located, so as to make it more secure. “We saw ‘im putting some other liquid into the bag.” Added Scout in confirmation of his answer. “Well, I’ve got to hand it to you, I actually think I like it.” Another thing she noticed was that the pain in her stomach had begun to gradually wash away, piece by piece, after the IV needle had been inserted, and it was being replaced at the same speed with a pleasantly warm wave spreading throughout all of the veins in her body. She’d regained the motivation to move as a result, so she uncurled her body and moved into a position where she was laid out flat on top of her bed’s duvet. “You do look a little bit less pale.” Agreed Secretary, with Scout also nodding his head - whilst his methods, from what she’d seen, were what you’d call ‘unusual’ more often than not, one thing she’d learned was to never underestimate how well he could get the job done. “You’ll start to feel a little bit doolally in a few minutes.” Medic told the shorter-haired one of the females. Whilst he informed her of this, he remembered his left hand was still very near to her right forearm, and he decided to make an attempt at using a technique from the field of medicine that he’d heard of before: holding it next to where the drip was, and moving his thumb slowly and gently, as if he were using it to rub her arm. From what he’d read about this technique, it was a method for doctors to non-verbally let their patient know that they were still there. “Define ‘doolally’ in this case.” She said as a request for clarification. “The type of anaesthetic zhat I put in zhe intravenous bag is a moderate sedative, so you’ll feel as if you’re intoxicated and your speech vill be slurred, but it’s nozhing to be vorried about; zat’s normal for zis level of sedation.” Sure enough, it was about ten minutes or so later when Valeria, who’d now gotten under the duvet and was laid with most of her body underneath it and her head on the pillow, was smiling inanely to herself and gazing up at the ceiling. “How d’you feel?” Jeremy asked his friend, him and Secretary having moved their chairs closer to her bed a couple of minutes ago. Hacker turned her head to the right to look at him, as the pair were sat next to Medic, and her grin grew wider. “The liquid ibuprofen really worked, and that anaesthetic that’s in it’s making me feel good...~” She let out a small chuckle to no one in particular, right before a certain bloodstained dove flapped its way over to her bed through the air and landed to her left, on her pillow. “Hellew.” In response to this, Archimedes ‘coo’ed once again and tilted his head, making her laugh. “You were the perfect diversion earlier, weren’t you?” Secretary addressed the avian creature with her own smile, both at how cute the birb was and at how effective his presence had been in taking Hacker’s mind off of what took place a few minutes ago. “We should probably go now; it’s gettin’ late.” Said Scout, before looking back at Valeria and emitting a small chuckle. “And it looks like Val’s done for the night, too.” She appeared to currently be sound asleep, both of her arms still outside of the duvet while the rest of her body was underneath, with her mouth slightly open. “That must be the sedative.” Commented Francoise in the same manner. “I take it she’ll be okay in the morning?” “Ja, zhe enhanced ibuprofen inside her veins vill have been maintained long enough for its lasting effect to do its job. And she’ll be a little bit tired to start vith but zhe anaesthetic vill feel rejuvenating to her.” Josef replied. “Like coffee?” The female who was still awake also asked. “Precisely.” He nodded his head. “I’ll stay vith her just for anozher minute so zhat I can make sure she’s comfortable, and then I’ll come back here in zhe morning to help her remove zhe drip.” “See you, Doc.” Scout bade him goodnight as he got up from where he was sitting and then, after he’d looked back at his sleeping friend one last time, he and Secretary walked out of the room, closing the door behind them. “So, when are we gonna tell her?” As soon as the door was shut, she addressed Francoise. “Let’s not just yet; let’s see how long it takes her to work it out herself.” She smiled in mostly suppressed laughter. “Although mind you, Medic will probably be a pensioner by the time he gets round to admitting it himself.” “Yeah.” Jeremy joined in with this same type of laughter. “It’s kinda amazing how Val hasn’t noticed something this obvious yet.” As they began to walk away, en route back to their own rooms, he glanced over his shoulder at the door’s window, where he could still see Medic sat next to Hacker’s bed and making sure that the IV wire was straight so that there was absolutely no chance of it getting tangled in the night, doing all this while smiling serenely. “Mornin’ all.” Sniper addressed his fellow mercs about ten hours later as he walked downstairs into the briefing room, rubbing one of his eyes. “Hi Snipes.” Returned Scout, letting out a yawn at the same time as momentarily stretching his arms out behind him. “Did any of you hear the rumour that’s floating around?” Spy, in the middle of lighting one of his cigarettes and placing it into his mouth, asked in his usual clipped voice. As always, the purr of his French accent sent a shiver down Secretary’s neck and the middle of her back. “What rumour’s that?” Queried Engineer. He’d been sat on one side of the room for the last few minutes, in a chair with one leg over the other while playing a couple of quiet notes on his guitar. “From what I’ve heard, apparently last night Medic spent the entire night sleeping in Hacker’s room, right next to her bed.” Replied the masked figure with a tiny chuckle lacing the smile that had just appeared. “What.” Francoise, in curiosity, instantly snapped her head into the direction of the male who’d just spoken. “Demoman claimed a few minutes ago that when he was walking down one of the upstairs corridors late at night, he happened to catch a glimpse through the door’s window of both of them asleep, with him having his head on the top of her bed and with the rest of his body slumped over a chair.” “It’s true, I swear I saw it!” The Scotsman himself confirmed from his own chair a few feet away, and as expected, he was holding a still full cider bottle that he was hoping to open in the next few seconds. “And I also saw the lassie having something attached to her arm, I think it was connected to a bag filled up with some kind o’ liquid.” “One of Doctor’s experimental treatments, maybe...?” Heavy thought out loud. “It could be something new he’s been working on, yes.” Nodded Spy in agreement. “Val told me yesterday evenin’ that she had bellyache, and she looked dreadful as well, so Medic must’ve been tryin’ to help her with that.” Said Sniper. Scout, sat adjacent to the brunette, turned his head and gave her a knowing look about the rumour they’d just been told about, simultaneously trying and partly failing to suppress his own chuckles. “‘I’ll only stay with her for another minute’ he said, ‘I’ll come back in the morning’ he said! Can we go upstairs and tell her now? Pleeease? I bet even the other guys here think it’s obvious, too!” “Not yet, not yet! Sssssshhhh!” Secretary placed a finger over her lips and quietly laughed to herself. Josef, having only awoken roughly thirty seconds ago, was spending some of his time wiping the sand from the corners of his eyes and readjusting his glasses, which had gone slightly askew in the night. After he was done, he took a moment to allow his pupils to adjust to the darkness in the room except for gentle sunlight streaming in through the window on the door and through the white curtains in front of the window placed to the right of the bed, and he put himself back up into a proper seated position in his chair. His red rubber gloves were still covering his hands, his lab coat was still being worn by the rest of his body and, in addition, it seemed that Archimedes, too, was peacefully sleeping at the bottom of the bed. It was a little bit after this same moment when Medic could faintly see Valeria make some tiny movements as she began to stir, starting with her head as she still felt as if her eyelids were heavy and she yawned to herself before, slowly and piece by piece, she managed to roll over onto her right side. It was still mostly dark, but she could partially see the intravenous syringe still attached to her right arm; for a split second she felt a surge of panic, before she remembered the events of the previous night and that she didn’t have to go through the process of it being plunged through her skin again. Her eyes, still resisting the strong urge to drop back off into the land of sleep, flicked upwards when another thing she remembered was that there’d been someone else with her during these events. Medic, delicately placing one of his gloved hands onto her right forearm and making that chill residing in her spine make a reappearance, smiled in the same manner while the light through the curtains touched the left hand side of his glasses’ frames. “Guten morgen, Frau Hacker.” Archimedes emitted a little ‘coo’ as he woke up as well and tilted his head by a few degrees.

#tf2 #medic #tf2 medic #team fortress 2 #tf2 x oc #team fortress 2 x oc #medic x oc #tf2 medic x oc #fluff #comfort

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thedevilnamedlola · 3 years

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"Usually, I lie. At a party, someone asks the question. It’s someone who hasn’t smelled the rancid decay of week-dead flesh or heard the rattle of fluid flooding lungs. I shake the ice in my glass, smile, and lie. When they say, “I bet you always get that question,” I roll my eyes and agree.

There are plenty of in-between stories to delve into; icky, miraculous ones and reams of the hilarious and stupid. I did, after all, become a paramedic knowing it would stack my inner shelves with a library of human tragicomedy. I am a writer, and we are nothing if not tourists gawking at our own and other people’s misery. No?

The dead don’t bother me. Even the near-dead, I’ve made my peace with. When we meet, there’s a very simple arrangement: Either they’re provably past their expiration date and I go about my business, RIP, or they’re not and I stay. A convenient set of criteria delineates the provable part: if they have begun to decay; if rigor mortis has set in; if the sedentary blood has begun to pool at their lowest point, discoloring the skin like a slowly gathering bruise. The vaguest criterion is called obvious death, and we use it in those bizarre special occasions that people are often sniffing for when they ask questions at parties: decapitations, dismemberments, incinera- tions, brains splattered across the sidewalk. Obvious death.

One of my first obvious deaths was a portly Mexican man who had been bicycling along the highway that links Brooklyn to Queens. He’d been hit by three cars and a dump truck, which was the only one that stopped. The man wasn’t torn apart or flattened, but his body had twisted into a pretzel; arms wrapped around legs. Somewhere in there was a shoulder. Obvious death. His bike lay a few feet away, gnarled like its owner. Packs and packs of Mexican cigarettes scattered across the highway. It was three a.m. and a light rain sprinkled the dead man, the bicycle, the cigarette packs, and me, made us all glow in the sparkle of police flares. I was brand new; cars kept rushing past, slowing down, rushing past.

Obvious death. Which means there’s nothing we can do, which means I keep moving with my day, with my life, with whatever I’ve been pondering until this once-alive-now-inanimate object fell into my path.If I can’t check off any of the boxes—if I can’t prove the person’s dead—I get to work and the resuscitation flowchart erupts into a tree of brand-new and complex options. Start CPR, intubate, find a vein, put an IV in it. If there’s no vein and you’ve tried twice, drill an even bigger needle into the flat part of the bone just below the knee. Twist till you feel a pop, attach the IV line. If the heart is jiggling, shock it; if it’s flatlined, fill it with drugs. If the family lingers, escort them out; if they look too hopeful, ease them toward despair. If time slips past and the dead stay dead, call it. Signs of life? Scoop ’em up and go.

You see? Simple.

Except then one day you find one that has a quiet smile on her face, her arms laying softly at her sides, her body relaxed. She is ancient, a crinkled flower, and was dying for weeks, years. The fam- ily cries foul: She had wanted to go in peace. A doctor, a social worker, a nurse—at some point all opted not to bother having that difficult conversation, perhaps because the family is Dominican and the Spanish translator wasn’t easily reachable and anyway, someone else would have it, surely, but no one did. And now she’s laid herself down, made all her quiet preparations and slipped gently away. Without that single piece of paper though, none of the lamentations matter, the peaceful smile doesn’t matter. You set to work, the tree of options fans out, your blade sweeps her tongue aside and you battle in an endotracheal tube; needles find their mark. Bumps emerge on the flat line, a slow march of tiny hills that resolve into tighter scribbles. Her pulse bounds against your fingers; she is alive.

But not awake, perhaps never to be again. You have brought not life but living death, and fuck what I’ve seen, because that, my friends at the party, my random interlocutor who doesn’t know the reek of decay, that is surely one of the craziest things I have ever done.

But that’s not what I say. I lie.

Which is odd because I did, after all, become a medic to fill the library stacks, yes? An endless collection of human frailty vignettes: disasters and the expanding ripple of trauma. No, that’s not quite true. There was something else, I’m sure of it.

And anyway, here at this party, surrounded by eager listeners with drinks in hand, mouths slightly open, ready to laugh or gasp, I, the storyteller, pause. In that pause, read my discomfort.

On the job, we literally laugh in the face of death. In our crass humor and easy flow between tragedy and lunch break, outsiders see callousness: We have built walls, ceased to feel. As one who laughs, I assure you that this is not the case. When you greet death on the daily, it shows you new sides of itself, it brings you into the fold. Gradually, or maybe quickly, depending on who you are, you make friends with it. It’s a wary kind of friendship at first, with the kind of stilted conversation you might have with a man who picked you up hitch- hiking and turns out to have a pet boa constrictor around his neck. Death smiles because death always wins, so you can relax. When you know you won’t win, it lets you focus on doing everything you can to try to win anyway, and really, that’s all there is: The Effort.

The Effort cleanses. It wards off the gathering demons of doubt. When people wonder how we go home and sleep easy after bearing witness to so much pain, so much death, the answer is that we’re not bearing witness. We’re working. Not in the paycheck sense, but in the sense of The Effort. When it’s real, not one of the endless parade of chronic runny noses and vague hip discomforts, but a true, soon- to-be-dead emergency? Everything falls away. There is the patient, the family, the door. Out the door is the ambulance and then farther down the road, the hospital. That’s it. That’s all there is.

Awkward text messages from exes, career uncertainties, generalized aches and pains: They all disintegrate beneath the hugeness that is someone else’s life in your hands. The guy’s heart is failing; fluid backs up in those feebly pumping chambers, erupts into his lungs, climbs higher and higher, and now all you hear is the raspy clatter every time he breathes. Is his blood pressure too high or too low? You wrap the cuff on him as your partner finds an IV. The monitor goes on. A thousand possibilities open up before you: He might start getting better, he might code right there, the ambulance might stall, the medicine might not work, the elevator could never come. You cast off the ones you can’t do anything about, see about another IV because the one your partner got already blew. You’re sweating when you step back and realize nothing you’ve done has helped, and then everything becomes even simpler, because all you can do is take him to the hospital as fast as you can move without totaling the rig.

He doesn’t make it. You sweated and struggled and calculated and he doesn’t make it, and dammit if that ain’t the way shit goes, but also, you’re hungry. And you’re alive, and you’ve wracked your body and mind for the past hour trying to make this guy live. Death won, but death always wins, the ultimate spoiler alert. You can only be that humbled so many times and then you know: Death always wins. It’s a warm Thursday evening and grayish orange streaks the horizon. There’s a pizza place around the corner; their slices are just the right amount of doughy. You check inside yourself to see if anything’s shattered and it’s not, it’s not. You are alive. You have not shattered.

You have not shattered because of The Effort. The Effort cleanses because you have become a part of the story, you are not passive, the very opposite of passive, in fact. Having been humbled, you feel amazing. Every moment is precise and the sky ripples with delight as you head off to the pizza place, having hurled headlong into the game and given every inch of yourself, if only for a moment, to a losing struggle.

It’s not adrenaline, although they’ll say that it is, again and again. It is the grim, heartbroken joy of having taken part. It is the difference between shaking your head at the nightly news and taking to the streets. It’s when you finally tell her how you really feel, the moment you craft all your useless repetitive thoughts into a prayer.

At the party, as they look on expectantly, I draft one of the lesser moments of horror as a stand-in. The evisceration, that will do. That single strand of intestine just sitting on the man’s belly like a lost worm. He was dying too, but he lived. It was a good story, a terrible night.

I was new and I didn’t know if I’d done anything right. He lived, but only by a hair. I magnified each tiny decision to see if I’d erred and came up empty. There was no way to know. Eventually I stopped taking jobs home with me. I released the ghosts of what I’d done or hadn’t done, let The Effort do what it does and cleanse me in the very moment of crisis. And then one night I met a tiny three-year old girl in overalls, all smiles and high-fives and curly hair. We were there because a neighbor had called it in as a burn, but the burns were old. Called out on his abuse, the father had fled the scene. The emergency, which had been going on for years, had ended and only just begun.

The story unraveled as we drove to the hospital; I heard it from the front seat. The mother knew all along, explained it in jittery, sobbing replies as the police filled out their forms. It wasn’t just the burns; the abuse was sexual too. There’d been other hospital visits, which means that people who should’ve seen it didn’t, or didn’t bother setting the gears in motion to stop it. I parked, gave the kid another high five, watched her walk into the ER holding a cop’s hand.

Then we had our own forms to fill out. Bureaucracy’s response to unspeakable tragedy is more paperwork. Squeeze the horror into easy-to-fathom boxes, cull the rising tide of rage inside and check and recheck the data, complete the forms, sign, date, stamp, insert into a metal box and then begin the difficult task of forgetting.

The job followed me down Gun Hill Road; it laughed when I pretended I was okay. I stopped on a corner and felt it rise in me like it was my own heart failing this time, backing fluids into my lungs, breaking my breath. I texted a friend, walked another block. A sob came out of somewhere, just one. It was summer. The breeze felt nice and nice felt shitty.

My phone buzzed. Do you want to talk about it?

I did. I wanted to talk about it and more than that I wanted to never have seen it and even more than that I wanted to have done something about it and most of all, I wanted it never to have hap- pened, never to happen again. The body remembers. We carry each trauma and ecstasy with us and they mark our stride and posture, contort our rhythm until we release them into the summer night over Gun Hill Road. I knew it wasn’t time to release just yet; you can’t force these things. I tapped the word no into my phone and got on the train.

I don’t tell that one either. Stories with trigger warnings don’t go over well at parties. But when the question is asked, the little girl’s smile and her small, bruised arms appear in my mind.

The worst tragedies don’t usually get 911 calls, because they are patient, unravel over centuries. While we obsess over the hyperviolent mayhem, they seep into our subconscious, poison our sense of self, upend communities, and gnaw away at family trees with intergenerational trauma.I didn’t pick up my pen just to bear witness. None of us did. And I didn’t become a medic to get a front-row seat to other people’s tragedies. I did it because I knew the world was bleeding and so was I, and somewhere inside I knew the only way to stop my own bleeding was to learn how to stop someone else’s. Another call crackles over the radio, we pick up the mic and push the button and drive off. Death always wins, but there is power in our tiniest moments, humanity in shedding petty concerns to make room for compassion. We witness, take part, heal. The work of healing in turn heals us and we begin again, laughing mournfully, and put pen to paper.

Daniel José Older"

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wongiemei · 5 years

Text

Roommate!Jeno

a/n: maybe i should just turn this blog into an nct dream one

okay

letsgetit!

first of all,

story time!

your uni is fucking expensive and it’s more expensive if you live in the grounds

so you being the wise human,

you went to get an apartment near the campus

it was great and all since roommate!jaemin was paying for his stuff

you were both living respectively until he had to leave

the dumbass didnt even bother to tell you

one morning you just woke up and found his note

‘hey bitch! figured you were too much of a rock to wake up but i moved out! the family wants me to go back home and tend the restaurant’

the whole day yesterday, you were working

bc,,, yknow

broke college life

and you just walked in half asleep towards your room and fell asleep

so you didnt really see or notice

but were you freaking out bc your roommate suddenly moved out?

ofc you were freaking out

not only was your roommate gone,

how were you going to find a new one?!

jaemin expected your phone call that afternoon and he endured through all your screaming

‘babe, i’m just going to be gone for a year-or two’

‘oR tWO?!’

‘hun, my dad’s injured and his back can only let him do so much. ma’s working too much and i dont have any siblings to help. i figured i could just hold off college until my parents are ready’

ugh, jaemin is such a family boy

‘but jaems! you couldnt have at least told me that yOu wERe mOvING OuT?! and! rent is due soon! i can’t pay for that myself!’

jaemin couldve easily told you to warn yoy

but he didn’t want to tell you bc he couldnt handle you sad and didnt want to upset you

however, now jaemin really understands how shitty that move was

‘tell you what. i’ll pay for this month and make a few phone calls and i’ll get you set up with a new roommate, deal?’

knowing how much of a social butterfly he was, you agreed

ofc you trusted jaemin but part of you feared that he might pair you up with a freak

but he’s not that mean, is he?

you can definitely see renjun doing that but not jaemin

so there you are,,

sitting on your couch alone

without jaemin, your apartment felt really empty

its been a few days since he moved and you were miserable

jaemin hasn’t even texted you about that potential roommate

just as you were about to call him,,

your doorbell rang

you froze and you looked at the time

it was nearing 11 at night and you don’t remember ordering delivery

see,,

if jaemin was here,

he would answer it for you since you would be too scared to do it

but you mustered up your courage and peeped through the peep hole

the man was dressed in all black with a black mask and a black cap with his hood over it with a black hoodie and black pants

ngl, you were terrified and trembling

he rang it again and you jumped

typing out a quick text to jaemin saying ‘hey bub, if i don’t text you in an hour, that means ive been kidnapped so call the police’

you grabbed a pan from the cupboard and gulped before you opened the door

thinking he would just walk forward and grab you, you closed your eyes and raised your pan over your head and swung

a shriek from in front of you made your eyes snap open and found the guy on the floor with a fetal position

you both just froze for like a phat minute

snapping back to reality, you held the pan in front of you

‘if youre going to kidnap me, i got a pan and im not afraid to hit you with it!’

you tried to sound intimidating but your voice was shaking so much

the guy stood up and he took off his hat and the mask to reveal a blonde haired kid

okay, so you were sHOokETh

damn! this boy is fine!

he gave you a shaky smile and held out his hand

‘hi! i’m lee jeno! you must be y/n? jaemin told me you had an opening for a roommate?’

now you noticed the two duffle bags at the side

the embaressment and the shame settled in slowly and you found yourself burning up

nodding, you motioned him to come in

jeno awkwardly walked in and was amazed at how big the layout was with the low rent

‘yea, its kinda hard to believe that we only pay that much. at first i thought there was a ghost in here and that’s why its so cheap’

you tried to make small conversation but laughed weirdly at jeno’s slightly terrified face

‘no! there really is not ghost here! ive lived here for a year and there hasnt been anything so please dont understand! please be my roommate!’

you begged and jeno thought you were weird

but jaemin was right, you were weirdly adorable in a way

so that’s how you and jeno became apartment buddies!

now onto the good stuff!

so, jeno is a vv clean guy

like he’s the type to just pick up a wrapper in the street and throw it in the garbage

so naturally, he likes to keep the apartment as tidy and neat as possible

but you being a mess you are,

you usually leave a lot of things everywhere

lets just say you have a short memory

‘oh? how did that get there?’

eventually, jeno gets sick of it and he confronts you with it

ofc you understand and you actually try to be better

since jeno is literally the most perfect roommate

maybe even better than jaemin

(but don’t tell him that)

jeno is the type to re-stock the pantry with snacks and the fridge with ice cream

since youre both college students, ramen is practically always available in the house 24/7

he also makes the coffee every morning since he works early and wakes up first

even though he doesn’t like the drink and prefers milk, he still notices how you survive off of coffee

babie likes to pick you up some iced americano while he gets a frappe

you on the other hand,,

you’re very surprised

when you got to bed after showing jeno around,

you messaged jaemin

ofc he was worried af and was blowing up your phone

‘WHAT?!’

‘bitch answer the damn phone!’

‘whatthe fuck is happening?!’

‘i need to know if you’re still alive!’

‘oh fuck i shouldnt have moved out’

smiling softly at how worried he was, you responded to him

‘you hoe, it hasnt been an hour yet so chillax. i’m alive, unfortunately, and i just met my new roommate. again, thanks for the heads-up. youre so bad at those. i literally thought he was a burgular or a kidnapper. but he seems chill and emo. just my type.’

but jeno is F A R from C H I L L

oh my goodness,,

hes a crackhead

theres this sound he makes when he’s confused and you couldnt figure out if its cute or weird or if he’s doing this on purpose or thats just how he is

you and him basically communicate with memes

sometimes, at the weird hours at night, he sends you a dumbass meme

you cant help but snort

also, you promised to take jaemin out to dinner to repay him for the great roommate

‘hes literally one of the best people youll ever meet. it just so happen he needed a place to sleep. now you owe me’

hes a science major while you were a computer major

he basically brings home weird stuff to analyze and it just hella stinks

but hes considerate enough to actually put it outside

whenever he’s focused, he talks to himself or the thing he’s analyzing

‘okay mr. fishy. your scales are really big and its bigger than average’

its so cute

oof also!

jeno doesnt have a job yet he always makes rent on time with extra money to spare

he even sometimes buys you stuff saying, ‘they reminded me of you’

for your birthday, he bought you a pearl necklace that mustve costed thousands

at first, you thought he was a chaebol or smth

which you wouldve been vv jealous of bc youre a struggling college student who works at the coffee shop

but, you were answered when you caught him walking in half-dazed and half-asleep with cuts all over his face

it was like 2 in the morning and you were pulling an all-nighter for some project and wanted to get a glass of water

but here he is, hood up, lip busted, black eye, cheek cut

you shrieked and ushered him to sit on the dining chair

thinking he got mugged or something, you start drilling him questions

‘hun, if you were beat up, we need to call the police! this is illegal!’

but jeno chuckles and brushes the stray hairs out of your face as you tend to his lip

‘pls dont. if you do, ill be broke and i wont have money to pay rent then i cant be your roommate anymore’

cue confused y/n

‘wUT?’

‘if i dont make money, youll kick me out and youll have to find another roommate. i dont want you to go through that hassle again’

ofc you were flattered that even during this situation, hes still thinking about you

‘how is this making money?!’

‘i cant believe youre oblivious to so many things. i thought for sure youve caught on.’

more confusion

‘eXCUse mE, lEE JEno? since when have you started coming home with all these things in your face?’

you were worried that this wasnt the first time this happened

but if you think hard about it, thats why he always wears his mouth masks and he always has his blonde fringe down and sometimes wears sunglasses even though its cloudy outside

‘ohmygod lee jeno are you in a gang?!’

jeno was shocked that you came to that conclusion but laughed at how adorable you were rn

with your wide eyes and mouth open

‘nah, bro. i box. its the only way i can make easy money.’

‘but,,, why did you hide this from me? if you needed money i couldve helped you’

he looked at you skeptically

‘sis, you could barely afford that muffin the other day’

lee jeno now looked different from the jeno you met the first day

What you thought to be an innocent little squish was a fighter at night

‘yah, can-um-you need to take this off’

you mumbled while tugging on his sweatshirt

he nodded and slipped it off

he explained why he came late when he first moved

‘i had a late night match and yknow,, school and all, i barely had enough time to come'

as you dab the wound, you try to make small talk to distract yourself

‘so,, youve been boxing this whole time?’

you asked, trying not to get distracted to the way his tight shirt clung to him, showing his defined body

there were bruises up and down his arms and his knuckles were busted

‘yea. i have been since senior high. gotta make money, yknow?’

‘but jen, you can work in coffee shops or at local bookstores. its not worth seeing you busted up like this’

your lips trembled at the thought of him being beaten up too hard to the point he gets into a coma

jenos eyes widened at your wobbling lips and he softly cupped your face

‘hey, im okay and ill be fine. you dont have to worry about me. i usually win, anyways’

his confidence made you chuckle

‘i trust you, lee jeno. just make sure to make it home to me every night.’

‘i know you do and i will. always.”

ever since then,

youve become his little caretaker

youve informed jaemin of what hes been doing and he knew but didnt want you to judge him immediately

smh, jaemin really sucks at informing people

but jeno tries to help you keep up

he even sends you texts that hes fighting that night and your little ‘fighting!’ always makes him smile

his manager and friend, chenle, noticed that hes starting to smile more

chenle likes boxing and wants to be a part of it but doesnt want to be hurt

so,, what better to be the manager of his friend

‘yah, hyung. what’s got you giggly today?’

jeno pointed to the screen and giggled at the little good luck gif you sent

his eyes turned to crescents and chenle smirked

‘wah, you like her, don’t you?’

at the mention of ‘like’, his smile dropped and he shook his head

‘no. of course not. shes just a friend.’

chenle being chenle,,

he continues to prod

‘okay. so every night, you make it your priority to make sure you’re home by 2 in the morning for your friend’

smh, chenle youre so annoying

but hes so right

ever since you caught him,

hes been making sure he gets home at the same time

he sends you a text that hes on his way and you set your ringtone at a very high volume so you wake up and take care of him

during fights, he makes it his sole mission to make out of this alive and a winner for you

but that never crossed his mind as his feelings for you

he just thought of it as making you not worry for him

but then, he starts to think about your stupid little habits

the way you make this face whenever you dont understand

or when you still leave little post-it notes everywhere with ideas you come up with

he noticed it all and he loves them

‘hOLy ShIT!’

that night was when he realized his feelings for you and he was so dedicated on finishing it that he quickly won and he dashed home with his money

bursting through the door, you looked at him with wide and startled eyes

‘what’s wrong?’

you came running but he scooped you up to a hug

ok you were confused but relieved that he was home and alright

jeno looked at your face and wanted to confess but chickened out at the sight of you

you were so good to him and honestly, he doesnt deserve you

(his thoughts, not mine)

‘i-i’

he stuttered and you motioned him to continue

‘i won!’

he shouted and you congratulated him, even though he literally won all the time

guiding him to the chair, you began to dab his cuts

(dab that bitch)

‘im starting to think that your opponents either really suck or youre like the god of boxing’

he didnt know how to take that but blushed red at the mention of him being a ‘god of boxing’

‘nah, im just good’

you eyed him and smiled

he continued to watch you heal him and inspected your face

heavy eyebags and sunken cheeks, it mustve been a long night

he felt a pang in his chest thinking that you push your stuff away just to help him

‘you dont have to keep doing this for me, yknow’

you halt and look at him seriously

‘i know i dont. but i cant sleep at night thinking youre in pain and alone when i can be there for you’

even though he just realized it, jeno was pretty sure he fell in love with you a long time ago

but if it was possible, he fell in love with you even more

‘thank you’

his soft voice filled the silence and you vowed that you will always be there for him whenever he needs help

a few days later, jeno hasnt been to a fight

sure you were worried at what was going on in his head but partly relieved that you dont have to see him so battered anymore

but this was so un-jeno

just as you were about to talk to him about it, he announces he got a job at the bookstore down the street

‘huh? i thought you didnt want to work’

you question while he looked sheepish

‘i realized that i was starting to become a burden since you take care of me every time. so i thought i should quit and get a regular job. besides, it doesnt hurt as much’

he laughed but you didnt react

‘lee jeno, you gave up boxing and the money,,, for me?’

he nervously looked up at you and you noticed the redness of his cheeks

‘i-well-if you put it that way’

‘listen to me, im flattered and i truly love that you dont want to get beaten up anymore. but i dont want you to quit something you like because of me'

‘but you always take care of me and push your priorities away to clean me up. i dont do anything in return and i dont think its fair!’

he argued and a soft smile crept up your face

‘yah, lee jeno'

your voice became a whisper

‘it doesnt matter to me if you dont do anything in return bc i dont see this as a favor. you are mine to take care of and i will do anything for you, you understand that?’

he looked at you in shock after hearing your response

he also turned red at the mention of him being yours

‘so-but-i dont think-'

he stutters but you place your hands on his arms making him stop

‘all i ask is you to come back home, to come back to me'

by now, yall were blushing

even though it might not sound like it,

but yall just indirectly confessed to each other

yall stared at the ground and jeno looks up, biting his lip

‘hey, y/n, can i make it up to you with some coffee?’

your head darted up and looked at him with wide eyes

‘like-like a date?’

it came out suddenly and you stepped back in surprise, cursing yourself

but jeno chuckled, eyes scrunching cutely

‘it'll be one of many'

lmao i didnt really like this but i made it at 2 in the morning and i kinda like boxer!jeno

#lee jeno #jeno #jeno imagines #lee jeno imagines #boxer!jeno #nct dream jeno #nct dream jeno imagines #lee jeno scenarios #jeno scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #boxer!jeno imagines #roommate!nct dream #roommate!jeno #lee jeno fluff #jeno fluff #nct dream fluff

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missnxthingg · 4 years

Note

Hi! I love your writing! Could you maybe do one with Tom where he and the reader are best friends since forever, but they started to grow apart with time after he became a famous actor? Thank you!

Summary: Tom and (Y/N) have been friends since they met in her driveway when they were little, harbouring feelings for each other since then, but only remaining best friends for a long time. Things started changing when Tom decided to pursue his dream of being a famous actor and they eventually grew apart. Now Tom had to do anything possible to win his favourite girl back.

A/N: Sorry I took too long to get to your request, I’ve been working a lot lately (even remotely), and didn’t even get to be around Tumblr that often this week. But here I am! Thanks for the request, sweets. Also, I’d like to add that it has a little bit of personal stuff because I added my dream of having a Joshua Tree house just to fit the song title. No biggie. I hope you like it!

Words: 7.9K

Pairing: Best Friend!Tom Holland x Singer!Best Friend!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex and depression, SMUT (oral sex f receiving and unprotected sex). Also a lot of angst, but a little bit of fluff.

masterlist | main blog | gif source | quarantine playlist | song title

GOING TO CALIFORNIA

When you were ten, your parents decided to have a little trip to California, where you visited a lot of amazing places and had a lot of fun as a family. You still remember the day your mom gave you a small leather jacket and said that you were going to visit a place called Joshua Tree. That was probably one of the most amazing days of your life. You were fascinated with the desert and everything around you was so pretty. Ever since that day you dreamed of having a house there and moving away from the big city to have a different lifestyle.

That year was the year where you found out that you liked many things, such as writing and singing. Your dad said you’d lock yourself up all day in your bedroom and spend the whole day writing about anything that was on your mind, or you’d try to learn every lyric from Led Zeppelin IV and go around the house singing out loud so everyone could hear how great you were doing. You loved to draw as well, and by drawing you got your way to meet your neighbour’s son. Both your parents found you two sitting on the sidewalk talking while you drew his profile and he played with a fallen flower under the bright sunlight. Something about him caught your attention and you had been friends ever since.

“It’s a really pretty flower, don’t you think?” He asked looking at you, sticking the tip of your tongue out of your mouth, too concentrated on drawing his curls. You glanced up to him and nodded, taking in some of his details to keep drawing. “It’s a shame that it fell, such a pretty flower.” You didn’t reply, and he just sighed.

“What’s your name again?” You asked with a frown on your face and he smiled softly.

“I’m Tom.”He said and you nodded, writing his name down in the corner of the page. “What’s yours?”

“I’m (Y/N).” She said, finishing her drawing for once.

“It’s a pretty name.” He said, blushing. You blushed as well and smiled ashamedly. He put a stray of hair behind your ear and positioned the flower in your hair. “It looks prettier this way.”

“I’m done.” You said, showing him the drawing. You weren’t the best at it, but it turned out to be a cool one, and he really liked it. “Gonna look good hanging on my wall.”

“So you draw that much?” He asked, and you nodded. “Can I see the other ones?”

“Sure, come on in.”

That year was crazy for you because it was the year you got in contact with everything you wanted to be in the future. You grew up, developed those things and when you were bigger, life became a rush to accomplish those things. Your parents even got into a great school, where you could practice your music and drawings much more and get even better at it. Tom was also one of the things that were always by your side through all of those years, having himself wanting to be an actor since you both met. You became closer to Tom just as much as you become closer to music. You remember him coming over to your house and just lying in your bed listening to you playing the guitar and singing along your own songs.

You fell in love with him, just as hard as you fell in love with music. And he fell for you, and he loved you just as much as he loved acting. At first, both of you thought it was just a childhood crush, but it eventually became something bigger, but you didn’t have the guts to admit it to each other in fear to ruin your friendship. So you were both oblivious of each other’s feelings for years until one day you went to a party.

It was the last party of High School, and everyone was at somebody’s place having a big party. Their place was huge and everyone was having a good time. You and Tom were doing shots with some friends in the corner and having a lot of fun together. And every High School party had to end in…

“Truth or dare, (Y/N).” Your friend, Breana, asked after the bottle stopped at you.

“Dare.” You replied confidently, and Breana smirked, looking around the circle you and your friends did on the floor.

“I dare you to play seven minutes in heaven with... “ She stopped to give a little more suspense and looked at Tom sitting next to you. “Tom.”

“Okay.” He replied to you, and you frowned, but nodded. “Come on (Y/N).”

The closet was so tiny that you needed to squeeze really tight to fit inside. You couldn’t see anything, just feel Tom’s presence right there with you, and he didn’t dare to say a thing for a long time, just feeling your hot breath hitting his chest. You rested your hands on his chest and tried to control your breathing because you were obviously nervous. You were best friends, but this was the closest you had been since forever.

“(Y/N)?” He whispered and you looked up, and he noticed because the hot breath suddenly wasn’t hitting his chest anymore, but now it was hitting his face.

“Yeah?”

“I have to tell you something.” He said, holding your arms and gently caressing the right one.

“Anything.”

“I’m moving to the US next month.” He said and felt you tense over his arms.

“You what?” You asked, and he pressed your arms a little stronger. “For good?”

“For at least three months.” He said and you felt one tear falling from your face, and your chest burning, making yourself feel something you never felt before with him, sadness. “I got a role as Spider-Man. Isn’t that amazing?”

“That’s amazing, yes!” You said, trying to sound excited for him, but feeling a huge pain in your chest.

“I just didn’t know how to tell you.” His hands searched for your hair and he removed them from your shoulder. His fingers brushing on your neck gave you the chills and he noticed it.

“Can I do something?” You asked him. “It’s stupid, but…”

“Of course.” He cut you before you started rambling about what was on your mind.

So you stood on your tiptoes and searched for his lips in the dark, easily crashing yours onto his. You tried to pull away quickly, but his hands slid down to your waist, pulling you closer as if it was possible. He licked your lips, asking for permission, and that way he deepened the kiss. Your hands softly met his hair as you pulled him down to meet you. For a second you could just forget the pain you were feeling, but Tom could taste the salty tears hat slipped down to your lips. You pulled away, and he didn’t want to let you go just yet, giving some small pecks before you both stopped.

“I’m proud of you, but it breaks my heart.” You said to him and he pulled you into a hug.

“I know, it breaks mine too, especially after… right now.” He tightened his grip and listened to you sobbing a little. “But I’ve waited for this moment for so long, and it’s the biggest opportunity for me.”

“I know, I’m being selfish.” You cleaned your tears and he managed to find your face, caressing your cheeks softly. He touched your foreheads and you closed your eyes, swallowing thick.

“You’re not being selfish. You’re just as scared as I am. I don’t wanna leave you, but I have to do this. And I promise I’ll be back, and we can take it off from where we stopped this. I-If you want us to.”

“Of course I want to. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He leaned in and kissed you again, much more softly than the first time. “And maybe you can write me songs while I’m gone, and I would love to sit and listen to you sing to me.”

“I will, I promise you.” You said and left one last kiss on his lips

“Seven minutes are over.” Someone knocked on the door, and Tom sighed.

“We should just go.” You said and you felt him nodded.

“Should we go home?” He asked and you hummed, taking his hand to follow him outside.

The last month living with Tom next to you was the hardest. You were together, and trying to spend the most time with each other, but they weren’t official or anything. They didn’t want to rush into anything before he went away, and eventually, he did, leaving you alone with your songs and your drawings of him hanging on the wall.

Soon he was all over the place. Everyone was talking about the new Spider-Man and the new Captain America movie, and everybody wanted to know who Tom was. He was everywhere, but even though you were proud of him, you missed him very much. Of course, you talked to him, in the beginning, it was more frequent, but with time, is calls passed from every two days to once a week.

“Hey, Tommy.” You had woken up with your phone ringing in the middle of the night.

“Hey baby, why do you sound so sleepy?

“Uhm, it’s two in the morning.” You lied back in your pillow, rubbing your eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot that you’re five hours ahead of me. I’m gonna let you sleep.”

“No please, don’t hang up. I missed your voice.” You said and Tom smiled on the other side of the line.

“I missed yours too. I’m sorry I’m not calling you so much, it’s just… I’ve been working like hell, but I truly miss you, darling.”

“I miss you too. And it’s okay, but it’s been a week since I’ve been trying to talk to you to give you some news.”

“News, I like news. What’s new?” He said excited and you chuckled.

“I got a record deal, and they’re gonna produce my music.”

“No way!” He sounds so excited, and in reality, he jumped out of his bed and jumped in excitement. “Oh my God, darling, I’m so proud of you!”

“Thank you!” You laughed at his reaction, trying to keep your voice low and not to wake anyone up.

“Congratulations love! I really am truly proud of you.”

“I wish you were here so I could have told you the news in person.”

“Yeah I know, but it’s just one day closer to see each other again.” You smiled, knowing he was right and he was trying to lift your spirits up. “You’re clearly tired. I’ll try calling tomorrow, so I can let you sleep.”

“Please, try-hard.” You whined and it made him smile.

“I will. Now good night darling, have sweet dreams and I love you.”

“Good night Tommy, I love you too.”

Sweet calls like this one became much rare and sometimes he would just call you quickly during his lunch just to say that he was alive and doing okay. You were busy too, working your ass off to come up with a good album, but you would drop anything you were doing when he called. Tom, on the other hand, didn’t do the same for you and it was starting to piss you off.

But the day came, and soon Tom was knocking on your door after almost three months without seeing each other. It didn’t matter if you were mad at him when he appeared in front of you for the first time in a long time, all the anger was suddenly forgotten and you threw yourself in his arms, hugging him tightly, not wanting to let him go at all.

“I can’t believe you’re right here in front of me.” You touched his face and he smiled, touching the tip of your nose gently.

“I told you I’d be back.” You leaned up and your lips met his lips into a soft kiss for the first time in months. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” You said between kisses. “Don’t ever leave again.”

But of course, he was going to leave again. It was fun while he was back home, you’d hang around his place all the time, and he’d lie in your bed listening to you sing like he always did, but eventually, there you were taking him again to an airport, and this time it would take much longer for him to come back. And what before was bad, now it was worse. He didn’t have time at all to talk to anyone, that including his own mother and everyone was missing him a lot, but no one missing him more than you.

“It’s just, he’s been away for so long, and honestly I’m getting tired of missing him.” You were having a conversation with your mom after she found you crying over your guitar.

“I know you are darling, and no one said it was going to be easy. But if you really want to keep doing this, just know that Tom loves you a lot, but he’s chasing after his dream, just like you are chasing yours.”

“Yeah, but differently than him, I would drop anything I’m doing for him if he needs me. I just don’t think he loves me enough to do the same.” She gave you some tea and you sipped the hot drink to try finding some comfort.

“(Y/N), he’s your boyfriend. And if you’re feeling this way, you should talk to him.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, well… He never asked anyway. And he’s never around to be one.”

“But he’s your best friend, and every relationship is built under communication.”

You knew your mom was right, and that’s why the next time he called, you started the conversation with a serious tone. He knew something was off with the first word that came out of her mouth. He knew something serious was going on.

“You know I love you so much Tom, but I’m getting tired of missing you and thinking that you don’t want me enough to fight for us. And you’ve been away for so long that I’m starting to forget little things about you, like your smell. It really pisses me off.”

“I know, I’m sorry. But please, let’s try again, I don’t want to give up on us just now, we haven’t even started anything, I don’t want it to be over.”

“Exactly. This is not serious for you and you’re not doing enough for me. Tom, you haven’t called me in weeks.” You said angrily and he sighed.

“You know I’ve been busy, darling.”

“Well, I’ve been busy too, you know. You’re not the only one who has dreams. And I feel like if you need me, I would drop everything for you, but you wouldn’t do the same.”

“That’s not true and you know that.” He cut you and you rolled your eyes.

“I don’t know anything anymore, and I think it’s better if we don’t keep doing this anymore. I still want to be your friend, but I don’t think I want to be… Whatever we are.”

“(Y/N). I’m sorry, can we please take it easy. I’ll be back in two months.”

“And that’s too long. I don’t think I can handle it anymore. I love you so much, but it’s breaking my heart.” At that moment, your heart was already into a million pieces and you were drowning between your own tears.

“If that’s your decision, I’m gonna respect that. But just know that I love you, I always have and I always will.”

“Goodbye Tom.”

“Goodbye, my love.”

You spent the whole week crying your heart out, and you even cried when you saw Tom’s mom taking the trash out and ended up being consoled by her. It was heartbreaking, but eventually, it got better with time. You being a little busy with your work made you forget about him and you were having the time of your life. When the day of the release came, your mom threw you the biggest party in the world and invited a bunch of people. What you weren’t expecting was to find Tom coming through the door with flowers on his hands.

“Tom. You’re back.” You said with a surprised tone.

“Harry told me about the party, and I wanted to be here with you today.” He gave you the flowers and you smiled to see your favourite flowers.

“Daisies.”

“I remembered how much you like them.” You hugged him tightly with a good smile on your face. “Congratulations darling, I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you for being here. It really means a lot to me.” He leaned back and looked right into your eyes, and got hypnotized with them, just wanting to stare at them as much as he could, because he missed them.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” He asked you, brushing his lips against yours, and you nodded, feeling his lips against yours for the first time after a long time. You had written songs about those lips, and you really missed them, and his touch. ou both didn’t care if there were many people in that party, he was the only thing that mattered.

"That was… breathtaking." She whispered against his lips and he smiled, giving her one last peck before pulling away.

"It's my way of saying I'm sorry." He held your arms and you smiled back to him. "I hope you know that I'm deeply sorry about everything, and I was an idiot, and I missed you so much, baby."

"I missed you too. And I forgive you, but we have so much to talk." You fixed his hair and he nodded.

"I know, and I don't want you to feel pressured. And we can talk about it tomorrow, so you can enjoy your party."

"Come on, let me get you a beer." She held his hand and pulled him to meet with your friends.

What you and Tom were going to be was still unknown. Maybe if things started going on differently, and if he just stays home, it could go differently for both of you. He stuck by your side the whole night, and whatever you needed to talk about could be postponed. At that moment all you wanted to do was celebrate your new accomplishment with your best friends and maybe have some good wine. It was a long night and you weren’t sure how you ended up waking up fully naked in Tom’s bedroom.

You were woken up by the chilly weather and since you were naked, you were craving for some heating. Tom wasn’t there, which only made things weirder since you don’t remember much of the end of the night. So you searched for your panties and found it thrown on the floor along with last night’s dress and Tom’s clothes. You tried to stand up, but your legs wouldn’t work and you couldn’t walk properly, which was weird, but at least you got to pick Tom’s shirt to wear it and pulled a cover over your body, heating yourself up. The door quickly opened, but the person tried to remain silent, closing it softly. You found Tom carrying a breakfast tray in hands, and trying not to make much noise.

“Morning love.” He said, sitting in bed.

“Morning.” You yawned and sat straight. “You made breakfast?”

“Uhm, I thought I’d do something nice to redeem myself.”

“That’s nice, thank you.” You smiled at him and he smiled back. “I don’t remember a thing about last night.”

“Oh.” Tom nodded and shifted his position in bed. “I think you can guess what happened.”

“Judging by the pain coming from my lady bit and that I can hardly walk, I think we had sex.” He nodded and you chuckled. “Oh God, the first time we did it after a long time and I don’t remember a fucking thing.”

“I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have done it.” He looked down to his tights and you approached him from the back, hugging him from behind and kissing his shoulder.

“It’s okay. I trust you.” You rested your head on his shoulder. “Come on, let’s eat this pretty breakfast.”

“I made your favourite tea. And I learned to make pancakes and I think you’re gonna love it.”

You smiled at him and started eating your food, sitting silently next to him. You knew that you two needed to talk and get things right with each other, but something was screaming to you not to screw that moment you were having. You lying between his legs, curled up against his chest, enjoying your breakfast and getting some kisses in return. Tom knew he couldn’t ruin that moment as well because if things went sideways, this was how he wanted to remember your relationship, as good as it was.

But you needed to talk. Bottle things up isn’t the best way to deal with relationships, especially this one that long distance could be applied at any moment. You were both loving being in each other’s arms, and having lazy kisses between the sheets and some soft morning sex. When you ended things, he lied on top of you while you were stroking his hair, with his ear glued to your chest, listening to your heartbeat.

“Are you gonna leave again?” You whispered to him softly.

“Yes.” He waited a couple of seconds before replying, and your body tensed up. “I’m doing a press tour for the movie soon.”

“And I was thinking you’d finally be home and things could finally be okay.”

“Why can’t things be okay?” He sat in bed and you shifted your position.

“Because long distance doesn’t work for us, and I told you I’m tired of missing you.” You both remained in silence for a while, just staring at each other. You got closer to Tom and hugged him. “I know it’s hard, but I always dreamed of spending my life with you, and it’s not easy when you’re never around.”

“I know it is, but I don’t remember how’s life without you.”

“I’m still your best friend Tom. Fuck Harrison or whoever you met in America. I’ve been your best friend since forever, and we have a special connection.” You held his hand and he entwined your fingers. “It doesn’t matter if we’re not together romantically, I’ll always support and love you. It’s just… It’s not fair to either of us, because we can’t make it properly work.”

“I know. I’ll always support you too. I love you so much.” He glued your foreheads and shut his eyes. “You can always come with me.”

“What? I can’t Tom, I still have a career to pursue.” You leaned back and got away from him, shaking your head.

“But you can still write and sing on the road.” He said and you kept shaking your head no, starting to spill some tears.

“I can’t give up my dream to go after yours. It’s just unfair.” You said in a whisper and started to gather all your things to leave.

“But you’re not giving up your dream. And this way we could just be together.” He stood up, watching you change into your clothes. He searched for his boxers so he wouldn’t have to be fully naked while arguing with you.

“I can’t do this Tom. I love you, and as much as I want to be with you, it’s my dream. You have yours and you’re already being successful, and I’m just starting mine. I don't wanna let it all go just because of you. And I…” You stopped what you were about to say because you knew it would get you two into a huge fight.

“And what, (Y/N)?” He asked and you finished getting dressed, taking a deep breath for what was coming next.

“And I know you wouldn’t do the same for me.” Tom tried to say something back but choked into his own words.

"(Y/N)..." He started but didn't know how to finish it. So he just walked up to you and held your hands. "Can we at least wait to break things off when I just leave again?"

"I don't know if my heart can take it." Hot tears started to stream down your face, and you saw some falling from his as well.

"Please. Just one last time, you and me."

And you did. You fell for him again, and the next three weeks were good. You did everything you wanted to do and you were always together. Being neighbours made everything easier and at some point you didn’t even remember how it felt like sleeping in your own bed, being so used to Tom’s king-sized bed. But eventually there you were, driving him to the airport once again, and you knew your heart was breaking to see him leave again. If he could just stay, things would easily get off for both of you and you could finally be together.

“I’m sorry.” He rubbed his thumb against your cheeks, staring deeply into your eyes. You could feel your heart aching like it never did, and that made some tears stream down your face. He pulled you into a hug and you soaked his grey t-shirt.

“Please don’t go.” You whispered against his chest and he kissed the top of your head. “Please.”

“I love you, so much. And I’ll always be right here with you.” He whispered in her ear, feeling his chest ache like someone was adding the biggest pressure in his chest. “Are you sure you want to be over once I leave?”

“Yes.” You leaned back, looking at him, lost between your own tears. “I don’t think my heart can handle being away from you one last time.”

“I’ll still call you.” He said and she smiled, hugging him again. “You’re my best friend, I don’t think I’ll be able to not speak to you until I’m back.”

“Promise me you’ll call more often this time.”

“I promise you.”

But Tom had to learn he couldn’t promise things that he can’t keep, because now it’s been a month since he was gone, and he only called once, text a little and that was it. But you were done with the heartbreak, and even though you missed him, you couldn’t keep doing this to yourself. You came back to sleeping in your own room, in your own clothes, and not having a warm body to hold onto while you tried to sleep. At first, it was hard, but it suddenly became common, and it was like everything was back in order. You’d see him on Instagram all the time, everywhere around the world, having the time of his life. And you were stuck in London, still talking to your guitar and trying to work as hard as you could.

The thing was that after the day Tom left one more time, you couldn’t get yourself to write. It was like it was blocking your creativity and you couldn’t do it to save your life. Even though you were out and about singing your songs in every corner your recording put you to sing, you couldn’t even get yourself to put everything you were feeling into song lyrics. But that didn’t stop your work. You were doing amazing in charts and everyone was listening to you and eventually, you were the one travelling the world, ending up in Los Angeles to work on your career. Suddenly you saw yourself spending much more time in California, living in a small rented apartment in Malibu, earning money like water; Things like Tom and your heartbreak only popped into your head sometimes, when you saw him on Instagram or in every outdoor in Hollywood. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to write any songs, even if you were feeling a lot.

“We need new songs soon (Y/N). And if you don’t help us, we’re gonna have to contract songwriters to make some for you.” Your producer said to you and you groaned, leaning back into your seat.

“I’m not gonna have someone else writing about how I feel.” You said, coming back to reality. “I’m a writer, and I’m a singer. I wanna have some time before we do anything else. Just let people have the EP that’s already out and soon we’ll get the album.”

“What’s keeping you from writing?” He asked and you drank some more water before continuing.

“I don’t know. I think my head is not cooperating with relaxing for a moment and just writing what I’m feeling. And honestly, that small apartment is getting on my nerves, I hate it.”

“So get a new house. I know you’ve always wanted a Joshua Tree house, and we have a studio in there. You can work from your own dream place.”

And that’s how you ended up in Joshua Tree once again and remembered your life’s long dream of having a place in the middle of the California desert and it was just like you always dreamed of, a big house, that was really pretty but needed some painting. You put a lot of time in that place, and you organized the whole thing listening to a lot of music, and maybe you could start getting some inspiration out of it. Soon it was all decorated and comfortable, just like you always dreamed of, full of things that could get you started to write. And even though you were feeling the music, you were not getting any inspiration.

One night, you just sat down by the pool with a glass of whiskey and a notepad, but the water cooling your feet down wasn’t helping a lot with your imagination. You just stared into the water and cursed yourself for not getting anything you wanted. You wanted to scream for not being able to write, and eventually, you gave up, going for a late-night swim before bed.

Your days were getting really lonely, and even if people from work visited you every day, it wasn’t like you had a bond with them. They weren’t your family or close friends, they just worked with you, and you didn’t have many moments where you could just forget everything you were feeling and feel good. You’d call your mom every day, but FaceTiming isn’t the same as face to face stuff. You missed your friends and they wouldn’t even call you back, too busy with college stuff. Once Harry Holland called, and you spent hours talking to him and his family, but Tom wasn’t home, so it wasn’t like you talked about him or anything, but it sparkled that feeling of missing him once again.

Even though he didn’t pop in your mind a lot these days, talking to his family made you miss him. He didn’t call or text at all in the last two months, and suddenly the feeling of anger started to grow inside you, mixing with how much you missed him and wanted to be with him again. You didn’t know if it was the alcohol speaking to you, or your feelings eating you alive, but you ended up in your room, holding a beer and looking for his clothes. It still kind of smelled like him, and you were starting to forget his smell. The big Spider-Man shirt fell over your body and his scent making you feel like home. So you cried yourself to sleep that night, missing him a lot and upset because he promised you to never leave you and there you were, depressed and all alone.

The next day, you woke up writing. You wanted to put what you were feeling into lyrics and it worked because you were finally feeling like you needed to get things out of your chest. What was stuck in your throat started to slowly go down and it turned into music. You took a whole day to write one song, and it wasn’t that good in your opinion, but it was a beginning. The day that came after, you made sure to pack into a box all of the things that reminded you of Tom, and maybe this feeling could finally be over and you could move on for good. You wanted to remain friends with him, but it didn’t look like he wanted to remain friends with you. So you deleted his contact, unfollowed him on every social media and packed all of his stuff. By the end of the night, you had everything put away again, and you drank a little of the wine and made a good homemade pasta, going to sleep really early that night.

Your creativity block came back after that day and you didn’t feel like you had any emotions left to write anything, so you started trying to write about the water inside the pool, or about the desert. Anyway, you obviously couldn’t do it. It was the hottest day of the year and you couldn’t relax for one second, feeling very agitated that day. You didn’t know why, but you couldn’t relax, and nothing happened to make you feel that way. It was like you were feeling empty, and it bothered you.

The doorbell rang and it was the weirdest thing because you weren’t expecting anyone and you didn’t have a lot of visitors or any neighbours at all. It was the middle of the fucking desert, it wasn’t like it was normal to have visitors out of nowhere. But you opened the door, even though you looked completely like trash. You were without any makeup, your hair was loose and completely a mess, and you were wearing an old dress that wasn’t too hot, considering it was the hottest day of the year. You prayed that the person you were going to face right now wouldn’t think you were a freak for looking like that.

Sometimes you couldn’t believe in your own mind, especially when things like that appeared in front of your eyes or people at all. There was a sports car parked in front of your house on the highway and a boy in front of you. It was funny because you knew him, but you didn’t know him anymore. You both became strangers, but you knew so much about him that it was weird to face him. It was like he wasn’t there and you were delirious.

“Hi (Y/N).” He said softly.

“Tom.”

He looked different. Older, somehow. His muscles were thick now and you could see it through his shirt. He was slightly taller and his hair was a little bigger, curls falling recklessly from his head. He didn’t look like the Tom you met many years ago in your driveway, or the Tom you fell in love with. He looked like Tom Holland, Marvel’s big star that was in every spotlight he could get for himself, and you still didn’t know that Tom.

“Harry told me you were living in Joshua Tree now. I guess you got what you always dreamed of.”

“You got it too.” You said, crossing your arms in your chest.

“I missed you.” He said and you chuckled, shaking your head.

“No, you didn’t.” You quickly threw at him. “If you really missed me, you would have even texted me to see if I was alive.”

“I’m sorry.” He looked down to his feet.

“You say you’re sorry too much. And even though you promised me that we would always be best friends, I don’t think you even want me as a friend.”

“That’s not fair! I’ve been busy with work and you know that.” He stepped up in the stairs in front of your door. “I’ve been shooting the new Avengers movie and working on the second Spider-Man. I needed to focus on my job.”

“Yeah, I know. So why don’t you go back to your spectacular world of red carpets and movies and leave me alone?”

“(Y/N), please. Let me talk to you just a little bit.” He stepped closer to you and you leaned back, not wanting to touch him. “What…”

“You should go. I’m done with you.” You closed the door on his face and rested your forehead against the door, closing your eyes to just breath for a second.

“(Y/N), please let me in. I just wanna talk to you. I know I fucked things up and I regret it so much.” He leaned on the door from the other side and also rested his forehead against the door.

“Please leave.” You mumbled and slid down to sit because your legs felt weak and you couldn’t stand up anymore.

“Darling. Uhm, I came home two weeks ago, and Harry told me you weren’t living in London anymore. I didn’t know anything about it, so he started talking about you and how you were doing and why you were in California right now. It only made me miss you much more than I already was. Because you never left my mind you know.” He tapped the door with his index fingers and sighed. “And I started missing you more than I ever missed you in my entire life. Because this was the first time I looked to a photograph of the two of us and I realized I didn’t know a fucking thing about the girl I loved so much.” Tears were now streaming down both of your faces. “I missed you, all of you. The first night after we last saw each other, I slept alone in bed and you weren’t there to crawl into bed and just hold me until we fell asleep. I cried myself to sleep because it physically hurts to be away from you. You’re my best friend, and I just wish we could be okay again.”

“I missed you too.” You drew partners in your door with your fingers. “I missed you so much, that it blocked my creativity and I couldn’t write anymore. But I don’t feel like you care about me anymore. And I love you so much, but I wish I didn’t love you because it doesn’t make me feel good anymore.”

“Please, open the door. I have to see you.” He shot up and you slowly stood up as well and opened the door. You both saw the tears falling from your faces and your hearts crumbled together.

“I’m so mad at you!” You said and he nodded, taking a step closer to you and kissing you. He could have just hugged you, but he kissed you because your lips were the thing he missed the most about you. It was so slow and so needy. You pulled him inside of the house and closed the door behind him, pressing him against it once it was closed. He pulled you closer by the waist, slowly moving his lips against yours, as you rubbed his cheeks with your thumbs.

“I wanna make everything right with you this time.” He said between kisses. “I want you to officially be my girlfriend, I don’t care about my career or anything else. I just wanna be with you.”

“You would give up your dream because of me?”

“I would give up on everything because of you.” He said and you sighed pulling him to the couch. He lied you down and got on top of you, kissing down your neck, finding your sweet spot that made you moan softly. “Because I love you so much, and I messed things up with you, and I don’t want us to be apart again.”

“Please shut up.” You said, bitting your lips.

“What?” He stopped confused and you laughed at him.

“We can talk about those things later, you’re ruining the moment.” You glued your lips again and searched from the bottom of his shirt, pulling in off. “ I need you, Tom.”

“Fuck.” He removed your dress, leaving you only with your panties and started kissing down your body, taking a good amount of time on your nipples, making you moan softly and roll your fingers on his curls. “I need you too.”

He removed your panties and started kissing your inner thighs, tracing kisses up your body, making you shiver. One of his fingers met your core and started to tease your entrance. You were already so wet for him that it was easy to just slip one finger in and his lips finally met your folds, working down on you just like he always knew how to do. You felt your walls clenching around his fingers and lost between your own moans, you released on his fingers.

“Tom. Please, I need you so bad.”

“Just a little more. I missed your taste.” He held both of your hands, entwining your fingers and going down on you again, sucking your clit and making you a moaning mess. “You taste so sweet darling, I missed this so much.”

“Oh, f-fuck!” You screamed, bucking your hips into his mouth. It happened so fast that you weren’t thinking straight. “I’m gonna cum again!”

Tom didn’t reply, only worked a little more on your pussy, making you feel like you’re in heaven. You arched our back and cummed again on his mouth. He kissed your lips again, making you taste yourself in his mouth and you pulled him back to be closer to you. Your hands opened his trousers and helped him get rid of them. You opened your legs, wanting him to be inside you so badly. He pushed his hard cock against your core under his underwear and you started grinding on him, making you both moan between the kisses.

“Please Tom, fuck me. I need you inside me.” You cried between the kisses and removed his underwear with a little help from him.

“So needy.” He smiled to you and held his hard cock, rubbing it against your clit, making you both moan with the contact. He only put the head inside you and you bucked your lips forward, making him come inside your for once. “You’re still so tight and wet for me.”

“Uhm, shit! Move, please!” You cried, burying your nails on his back. He started thrusting inside you, picking a quick pace to thrust into. Your bodies worked like they were meant to work together and it was like every move was rehearsed. It was all so perfect and just showed how much you missed each other.

Eventually, you managed to make him sit so you could be on top, riding him as he helped you movements with his hands on your ass. He sucked on your nipples and you rocked your body over him, stimulating yourself on the clit. You were over the moon like you needed that to feel better.

“Fuck. I’m close.” He said and you started to ride him harder and rub desperately your clit, wanting to reach your high with him He started to buck his hips ups to meet yours and thrust hard inside you, making you both moan loudly with the increase of pleasure. He helped you with your clit and soon you were cumming all over his cock and right after you felt his warm cum fill you inside.

You let your weight all go over him, as you both caught your breaths again. He hugged you tightly, feeling his cock softening inside you. You turned around and sat on his lap, resting your head against his chest. You just sat there in silence together, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was like they were only feeling each other for a moment before words could ruin the moment. His fingers ran through her hair as she always loved when he did that with her and her fingers drew patterns on his nude chest, as she closed her eyes and took in his smell, just like the shirt she was wearing the other day.

“I love you.” He whispered against her hair and she smiled, leaning back to kiss him.

“I love you too.”

“I mean it when I said I would drop anything to be with you.” He said, starting to rub the back of her head. “It was a mistake leaving you and not even talking to you. You’re my number one priority, work comes second to you.”

“I really appreciate it.” You smiled at him and rested your head on his shoulder. “But you should drop work, I know it’s your dream just like singing is mine.”

“But I will never leave you for so long like this. It physically hurts me when I’m not connected with you. That’s why I went back to London, but you weren’t there when I got home.”

“I was too tired of waiting for you to come home.”

“And I don’t blame you baby.” He said, kissing her temple. “You always talked about this place, now I know why you love it so much. It’s beautiful!”

“Did you like it?” You asked with a smile on your face and he nodded.

“Yeah, I loved it. Great place to start a family.” He mumbled and pressed his lips together once he noticed what he had just said. “I’m sorry, rushing things.”

“A family. I like the idea. Good thing I bought a house with many bedrooms.” You said with a great smile on your face and it only made his smile grow wider. “But we don’t have to rush, right?”

“Right.” He nodded and you chuckled, pulling him into a kiss. “Why don’t we go take a nap? I’m tired, you know. Time Zones, flights, all tiring.”

“You can go do whatever you want to, I have to write.” You said, finally getting inspiration to sit down and write a song. “You know, I’ve had a creativity block since you were gone, but today I think I found some inspiration to write about.”

“Glad I could help. But not even a small nap? Maybe a shower, I don’t know, we look disgusting.”

“Yeah, maybe a shower is good.” You said, getting up from his lap. “Come on, let me show you the outdoor shower.”

“But we’re naked, what if anyone sees us?”

“Baby, we’re in the middle of the desert, nobody’s gonna see us.”

(Y/N) found her inspiration again, and as she brushed his hair with shampoo and played with him in the shower, lost between his kisses and laughs, she just knew what to write about. While Tom took a nap curled next to her, she just wrote about him, about the good feeling that suddenly all came back to her. She wasn’t feeling depressed or alone anymore. She had him, and that was all she needed at that moment.

Just like him, who regretted very deeply letting her go. Having her next to him again was like his world suddenly became colourful and warm again, and he was really happy that his stupid job or pride didn’t let him walk away from her. They were meant to be together and maybe that flower was meant to fall to the ground just so you two could meet and he could place it in her hair, or maybe the sun was meant to shine over them, so she could see him with a different eye and draw him perfectly. Maybe it was meant for them to grow apart so they could be closer than ever in the future. But one thing was sure, they were meant to find each other eventually.

…………………

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faunusrights · 4 years

Text

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 19

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SCREAMING, CONSTANTLY, TRAPPED IN THEIR PERFECT NIGHTMARE:

Glynda was saying: “I know we aren’t friends. I know we aren’t partners. I know you’re a criminal. But—I think I can trust you. I think I have to trust you, even if you’ve done awful things before.”

EVERYTHING GOES WRONG BUT LIKE SOMEHOW WORSE THAN EVER? LIKE A WHOLE NEW BRAND OF LOW. LIKE CINDER’S GOT A PICKAXE AND THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET CALLS FOR AID.

IT’S BEEN A WHILE HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but dw offal hunt, like the rising of the sun, the arrival of winter, and the eventual downfall of capitalism, always returns. so lets go.

(i just quickly reread chapter 18 liveblog to remember what happened and Ah Yes I Remember Now. The Suppressed Memories)

The place was emptier without Glynda. Quieter.

/gunshot oh we’re in danger right out of the gate huh? we got some yearning right out here? right now? how quickly the turn do tables.

Cinder appraised her work, holding the beige coat up to the light and squinting.

man i forgot. i FORGET. how much i just love cinder in this fic. sometimes she kinda zones to the back of my mind where she sits waiting for me to start thinking about her again, but now i remember that this cinder is Peaque. look at her GO, minding her own BUSINESS. im proud of her. does she know i love her.

It didn’t take long to don her new, fire-proofed clothes.

in another world, in a more comical plot, she used asbestos. it didnt go well.

The subtle warmth of the Dust teased tension from Cinder’s stiff muscles, even as she marvelled at the strangeness of her own bedroom’s space. It seemed bigger now than it had the last two nights.

She chose not to dwell on it.

i choose to dwell on it! ME!!!! I CHOOSE TO DWELL ON IT. HEY CINDER WHAT THIS GAY SHIT. hello. ma’am. can we look deeper into this. i, for one, would like to, and i, for one, think its of value to think abt this. that said, small segue

Quietly, Cinder murmured, “I didn’t freak out.”

THE FACT SHE SAYS IT ALOUD LIKE EM AND MERC CAN HEEEEEEAR HEEEEEEEER i am. INFATUATED with this family. cant wait for the 100k spinoff thats basically an elongated beach episode where they go to like. alton towers. or butlins. six flags??? thats a thing in america right??? anyway. beach episode. call me. (wink wink nudge nudge push push shove shove)

We had to stop back in because Merc left his favorite binder, and it was 2 in the morning, so it was easier to crash here for the night than mess with the ship’s autopilot.

them,,, THEM!!!! mercury is just a son and childe. thast it. he canot change this. i love these kids so much i am SHAKING THE MONITOR RN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

Stuck here in one of the homes they’d shared, Cinder missed them terribly. Missed the sound of their voices and the easy comfort of their presence. Finding the time to contact them had been difficult, between managing Glynda and Hati both, but Glynda was gone, and she’d sent Hati onwards to Atlas. She remembered her call with Emerald, before arriving in Umbraroot; she knew it had not soothed her or her fears.

im sorry was this chapter targeted at me, specifically, as a human being on planet earth? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! THIS WONKY OLD BANDAGED UP FAMILY UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thrive every time they are mentioned on the page. it is a blessing. my succulents grow stronger each time they show up.

“No,” Cinder argued softly, “I had to. Mercury, you deserve to hear it from me as well. I am sorry. And I am promising you: I’ll come back.”

For a long, heart-wrenching moment, he was completely quiet. It was good that Cinder was alone in the apartment; laying herself bare like this would be unbearable with an audience.

GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i am OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL I D I E. of all thing the remaster does better than og, this is just. SPEEDING AHEAD. this whole CONFLICT this whole MESS just makes everything so much RICHER its like when u splash some wine in yr fancy food or stick some cinnamon on yr favourite desserts u dont NEED TO but it adds that lil SOMETHING,,, that little KICK that just ties the flavour profile together and in this case ofgughugguhu it just GIVES SO MUCH. im making SNOW ANGELS in the WORDS on the PAGE.

“Mercury. If I could prove it to you, I would. But you have to—trust me. For just a while longer.”

“It’s getting harder,” he said. He didn’t sound like he was lying just to hurt her. That wasn’t spite. That was honest anger. And it made her feel like dirt.

im less picking these for specific instances of like, things i want to say, but more just because bits of this r rly just so /chef kiss. cinder has these.... endearingly (take that whichever way u like) human qualities in OG to rly make u realise she had ties to add to her #Doubt but the remaster is just AMPING it up and u FEEL IT and ive never been more SYMPATHETIC to a round-faced sinnamon bun of assholery and fire id DIE for cinder fall and this is a fact PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Is there anything you need?” What was this? Cinder could barely focus on her words. It felt like... “Anything? At all?”

“We’re fine.”

“Mercury, wait please—” She was losing him. “I think—”

“Just hurry up.”

The line went dead.

this place is not a place of honor.................. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here........................ nothing valued is here................ IM DYING

Cinder began to type out her response, and that was when the nausea really kicked in.

[...]

She recognized this now.

Glynda.

stress stress stress stress STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

There shouldn’t be anybody. Cinder had done everything in her power to cut Glynda from people who would interfere. To isolate her. Make it easier to bring her to Atlas, to the frozen north, to her mother and the machine…

Cinder’s esophagus quivered; furiously, she shut her eyes and thought of nothing.

god cinder don’t remind me that you’re an asshole and dipshit and also a moron im trying to be NICE and CARE ABT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP REMINDING ME YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The front door clicked open.

Cinder couldn’t have said how much time had passed, only that it had passed slowly. What she did know was that it was Glynda returning, the sensation of boils bursting wafting off her soul. It crawled over Cinder’s flesh. She curled in on herself.

There were mites under every nailbed. Salt in her weeping mouth.

offal hunt’s brilliant use of this horror aspect is something i have tried previously to emulate and here’s a fact, take it from me: that shit is HARD. offal hunt consistently able to whack those real nasty, really Disgusting vibes on the head EVERY TIME is a work of art. i mean, kc and diesel do not fuck around, and therefore i am NOT surprised, but it’s only when u try this shit yourself that you realise: this is hard! this is difficult! it’s a huge testament to how GOOD this fic is in every way. also this whole fucking body horror aspect is something i didnt know this fic needed, but it did, and here we are.

Thickly: “Things were going okay. If you hadn’t gotten nasty, I might have smoothed things over. I could have fixed things with my son.”

with my son

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT EVERY TIME ITS TOO MUCH FOR TO BEAR I CANNOT HANDLE IT I CANNOT STAND IT ITS LIKE BEING SHOT JUST DIRECTLY IN MY DICK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im like sweating rn

Glynda said, “I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

I SAID IM SWEATING

Glynda asked, “Are you lying to me?”

And Cinder said, “What?”

“About me. About Witches. About Ozpin—” Cinder’s guts went sour. “—About anything. I need to know if I can trust you.”

I SAID I! AM! S W E A T I N G

“I know you’ve lied to people. Hurt people.”

Adrenaline and the image of her kids’ faces behind her eyes made a potent, sick cocktail. “—Not. Now.”

so lets like double back to when i said hey was this chapter written to target me specifically and as it turns out, yes. yes it was. yes it was and as MUCH AS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT THIS SWEET BUILDUP THE EXPLOSION AND THE CRATER IT ALL LEAVES BEHIND

so this next bit is like. i cant really quote one section but as i was saying in Vague DMs, this whole bit feels like wading through mud. usually if you say something consumes energy to Read it’s in a Bad Way when yr bored but this is more like. you Feel cinder all over everything feels so sluggish and it’s like dragging your own corpse around as you try and leave and you’re TIRED and your LEGS HURT and you’re kinda thinking god what if i just fell face down for just a moment of my LIFE.

The putrid weight of Glynda’s soul filled the room until there was no space left for her.

it’s like being trapped in a sauna, like getting stuck in a humid waiting room. where do you GO. what do you DO. god this whole section is fantastic and offal hunt NEVER fails to fucking nail the Vibes but reading it is HARD. i literally keep having to stop and breathe like ive been holding my breath. jesus h christ.

a small intermission for a mood:

“Get fucked.”

back to regularly scheduled hell

Out of the bedroom. Down the hall. The walls were sweating with heat. She tasted smoke.

i love that i just said how i feel like im trapped in a sauna and it turns out: thats because me and cinder both, baybee!!!! hahahaha help

Glynda’s soul chewed her to the marrow. “Move, Glynda.”

cinder being hunted at the start of this fic: teehee! im running away! now im gonna getcha! heehee! arent i clever :) cinder being hunted now: this uh. this blows, actually,

Cinder’s pulse roared in her ears. Her hands twitched. She smelled Ochre Brown’s round face melting off. His wide smile shattered with each of his teeth, going black and popping like corn.

this chapter is probably my favourite so far for this blending of so many elements. i cant even begin to like. THINK STRAIGHT about how all of this is tying together. the lore. the THEMATICS. like i said this character rly is just Rich with what og lacked and oh is it RICH. im gonna read this chapter in future and see so much that i know ive already missed. holy shit.

“Ms. Fall,” she said. “The White Fang requires your presence immediately.”

NOT NOW

Cinder stood there looking at it for a moment. Her thoughts were slow. Copper-tinged. Something small and indulgent whispered to her through the blood-fog.

It was obvious enough what would happen if she got into this car. The driver would take her to a secluded place, where she would be ambushed by a squadron of battle-hungry White Fang grunts.

They’d try to take her down. And she was a killer, wasn’t she? Ochre Brown wailed in her ears with every thump of her runaway heart. Her hands itched for action; her teeth, for blood.

She’d burn them black.

never mind! you are already dead,

She thought about Glynda. About her saying that if there was trouble with the Fang, she wanted to come. That she would fight for Cinder.

She thought of Glynda’s question: What aren’t you telling me about Ochre Brown?

Yeah, fuck that.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MOMENTOUSLY: WHAT A CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is EASILY my favourite chapter so far. EASILY. everything about this was peak offal. the relationships. the dynamics. the dialogue. the vibes. the Grossness. the fighting. the EVERYTHING. this is some other level and its BITCHIN. PEAK. that said im now very tired. im going to have a cup of tea and Consider Things for a few hours. brb.

#liveblog #rwby #offal hunt

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olaf-likeswarmhugs · 4 years

Text

A Word For Us || Soft

Summary: June 21-22: Olaf comes out to Sindri! And then Sindri starts to learn more about himself too! Good golly gosh, we love kids figuring it out.

@huldufolk-hjarn

June 21, 2020

Olaf [deleted]: hi sindri u can ignore this since ur working but um hi!!

Olaf [deleted]: HI sindri do you have some time to talk about someth

Olaf [deleted]: HI sindri so i was googling

Olaf: 👋 ☃️ 🤗

Sindri: olaffffff

Sindri: hi

Olaf: hi!

Olaf [deleted]: wow ive forgotten how to talk to u like a normal person loooosflkj

Olaf: how's pixie's! is your shift going well? :)

Sindri: it's kinda slow right now

Sindri: im sitting here on a stool drying glasses lol

Sindri: so fun

Sindri: how's your day

Olaf: ah i know you're kidding but i love drying glasses

Olaf: i like the sound the glasses make, the little rubby sound? from the towel

Olaf: squeaky clean!

Sindri: like the squeak

Olaf: yes exactly

Olaf: and then arranging them in rows

Sindri: i had one that wasn't squeaky i should wash it again

Olaf: you should, customers deserve squeaky clean glasses

Sindri: yeah they do

Sindri: i was thinking about making myself one of those sodas we discovered last time

Sindri: like the regular soda water with the grenadine?

Olaf: ooooh

Olaf: yeah thats delicious

Sindri: i think peri might be starting to wonder where all her grenadine is going haha

Olaf: oh well dont have too much now

Sindri: i've had like three

Olaf: hmm that seems like enough

Olaf: though maybe we should get a soda water maker

Olaf: then we could make our own, they sell those you know

Olaf: we can order it online

Olaf: we can soda-fy any drink then, i think it'd be great for parties

Sindri: really?

Sindri: i thought it was a thing only bars had and like also places that make soda obviously

Olaf: no, you can get one for your home! and an espresso machine

Olaf: we should get an espresso machine too

Sindri: we should because then we wouldn't have to spend so much money on coffee

Olaf: well we would still have to buy the coffee for the machine but probably cheaper in the long run!

Olaf: really there are a lot of fun kitchen appliances we could get

Olaf: a waffle maker for example

Olaf: oh i saw a donut pan that was very cool

Olaf: there's a handheld smoothie maker but i think its better to just use the blender so you can make more smoothie

Sindri: i watched a video that showed how many soups you can make when you have a food processor which i think is just a bigger fancier blender but i like soups

Olaf: i saw a special kind of cutting device that slices an apple though into six equal pieces!

Sindri: i think my favorite food is soup

Olaf: soup is very good

Olaf: soups and stews

Sindri: yeah they remind me of home

Sindri: but waffles are good too

Sindri: if we made waffles we could decorate them

Olaf: yes! i love waffles because each hole can have something different

Olaf: like a little presennt

Olaf: likea jellybean, or a peanut

Sindri: you want to put jellybeans on your waffles?

Olaf: well that was just an example but im sure it would taste good

Olaf: i like jellybeans and i like waffles

Sindri: jellybeans get stuck in my teeth

Olaf: sindri i also like you as a friend

Olaf: my best friend

Sindri: i like you as a friend too

Sindri: yeah you're my best friend

Sindri: are you okay?

Olaf: yes

Olaf: i was just doing some googling

Olaf: Google as you know is very useful. It answers almost every single question ive ever had since moving here

Sindri: yeah i love google

Olaf: yeah

Olaf [deleted]: i don't know if ive ever really told you but i think i worry about a lot of things. i dont like talking about it because i dont want everyone to worry about /me/ because then id just worry more about how im worrying everyone else but wow this is nonsense ANYWAY i have been really worried about...myself and feeling like something is wrong with me because

Olaf: i dont know if i ever told you this but for a long time, ive sort of felt something was wrong with me. it started when we began to date, but not because of anything you did, i think that was just the first time i realized i really wasn't like everyone else. at least i didnt feel the way everyone wanted me to feel or expected me to feel. and it was really awful, i just thought i was a big fake the whole time, like a liar almost, and then of course we broke up because i was so bad at it and everything but i still felt that awful feeling anyway. and i just didnt know why and its never gone away so i googled it today and googled and googled and i think i found the thing that explains me better than anything else and i think its important that i tell you what that is and im really nervous!!!!!!! look an emoji 🎈

Sindri [deleted]: we didn't break up because you were bad at anything

Sindri: there are a lot of things i want to say but im going to wait until you say your thing

Sindri: also i love emojis :)

Sindri: 🦆

Olaf: right, they're very comforting 🐭

Sindri: oh and please don't be nervous

Sindri: you can tell me anything

Olaf: im very nervous

Olaf: im even texting u and i know thsi should be an in person conversation ahha

Sindri: i think sometimes texting can make things easier to say

Sindri: it isn't like you're avoiding an in person conversation either because we live together lol

Sindri: im sure we will also talk about whatever it is in person

Olaf: right yes probably

Olaf: okay!

Olaf: so um yeah! humans have a lot of words for things and i think the word that fits me best is aromantic....ta-da!! 🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉

Olaf: it means i dont experience romantic attraction. because i never have, never, i dont' know why and i dont like dating like, i dont want to be anyone's boyfriend it makes me feel gross

Olaf: but i do want to be your best friend

Olaf: i was talking to finn and i said something that felt true but also kind of like i was contradicting myself? i dont know, feelings are very confusing but basically i said that you're my right person

Olaf: and i think thats still true even tho i dont want to date you and i dont mean that like i am in love with you or anything because im not and egjaldkf that feels mean to say but im trying to say that i really love you sindri and i never want to date you but you are more special to me than my other friends

Olaf: see it sounds like im contradicting myself

Olaf: also like im rejecting u when u didnt even ask me out so!!! sorry oh frosty

Sindri: i love you too olaf

Sindri: you'll always be my best friend

Sindri: always no matter what

Sindri: you're my right person too and i think i kind of get it

Sindri: not completely but i want to learn and i will look up that word but i don't think you're mean or fake or anything like that

Olaf: are you sure because i just read over those texts and it felt mean

Sindri: i don't feel insulted or rejected really

Olaf: I just want you to know it isnt you

Olaf: i used to think i was just rejecting you or something but the idea of dating anyone really is gross for me. like i dont want to ever stop being your roommate though iknow we probably will stop eventually

Sindri: im kind of sad you felt like a fake and a liar though

Sindri: why would we stop

Sindri: i don't want to stop being your roommate ever either

Olaf: well if you ever enter into a promise with someone

Olaf: you know, if you fall in love

Olaf: i probably wont be yoru roommate then. which is okay!

Sindri: but you're my right person

Sindri: when we were apart i was really sad a lot because i missed you

Sindri: and now that you're here im happy a lot of the time

Sindri: i don't want to be somewhere you aren't that sounds stupid to me

Olaf: i dont either. though we wouldnt be far or anything i mean if we stay here in swynlake we'd probably still be in the same town. i just dont want you to... um...not move on? I dont know if thats what you're doing idk sorry i feel like im making a lot of assumptions right now

Olaf: i dont want to hold you back if you fall in love with someone else

Olaf: thats all

Sindri: can i ask u a question

Olaf: yes

Sindri: is it okay if im a little bit in love with you? i mean..i'm not saying i want to date you or be your boyfriend because i don't want to do anything you don't want to do and i want us to be us and honestly im not even sure what being in lvoe is i guess except that i like you most and i like everything we do and that's the way i know how to say that

Sindri: i just say that with like

Sindri: zero expectations from it except you just being my friend for as long as you want to be

Sindri: sorry

Sindri: i probably shouldn't have said that

Sindri: i hope it didn't make you feel gross

Olaf: it only makes me upset if i think about somehow letting you down which i think is sort of my problem not your problem, which i realized recently too

Olaf: i just worry about a lot of things sindri

Olaf: i worry more than you might think i worry haha, i just worry that one day you'll decide that being my best friend isnt enough for you

Sindri: i will never decide that

Sindri: i love you as a person way more than i am "in love" with you which the more i think about it is a stupid concept anyway like what does it even mean

Sindri: when i say it it just means you are my favorite person

Olaf: i mean i mean that too but im not in love with you

Olaf: i dont know bc i dont feel it

Olaf: so maybe what you feel is or isnt love...i dunno sometimes i think romance is a game people play ahha i dunno

Sindri: i don't know how people date people they don't really know

Olaf: well i dont get what makes it a date

Sindri: ....wow

Sindri: me either

Olaf: because i could go out with lots of strangers and get to know them but i wouldnt call it dates id just call it...uh...getting to know a new friend haha

Olaf: like you went on dates with nemo when you moved here if u think about it

Olaf: except you didnt

Olaf: i dont know

Sindri: yeah

Olaf: i guess if people want to kiss at the end

Sindri: yeah maybe

Olaf: i just dont want you to lie to me

Olaf: like i did sort of lie to you for a little sindri and i am so sorry i did but i dont want to lie anymore so if you say that you're in love thats okay it is

Sindri: yeah i think maybe being honest about feelings is a really good idea for us

Sindri: because i don't want you to feel uncomfortable ever

Olaf: and i really dont want to hurt you

Sindri: i don't think you will but i will let you know if it ever happens

Sindri: im being really honest when i tell you that i only want what you want i will never feel like i'm missing out as long as you are my best friend okay

Sindri: i don't want dates and a boyfriend i don't feel like im missing out on that stuff

Sindri: i mean i guess i could theoretically want it but i don't miss it

Sindri: i feel complete without it

Olaf: okay. im gonna work really hard to believe that

Olaf: it might take me some time but thats because i think i still dont feel uh... enough i guess

Olaf: but we promised we wouldnt lie to each other so if you tell me thast what you want i believe you

Sindri: also i know it's not my place to say but you are enough i promise you are so great and anyone who knows you is lucky to have you in their lives. i'm so lucky you are my best friend olaf.

Olaf: well i dunno why you wouldnt think its your place to say as my best friend you should compliment me thank you x3

Olaf: but i know you mean that

Olaf: and im lucky too

Sindri: thank you for telling me all this stuff

Olaf: thank you for listening

Olaf: and not hating me haha

Sindri: lol peri might hate me because i took a long break oops

Sindri: but i'll see you in a couple hours okay?

Sindri: i'm going to give you the best hug ever!

Sindri: it'll be almost like an olaf hug

Sindri: maybe

Olaf: oh oops

Sindri: idk i'll try

Olaf: haha im sure it will be even better than an olaf hug

Olaf: it will be a sindri hug ^.^

Sindri: :)

Olaf: we can maybe talk more when you come home too, if you want

Sindri: okay

Sindri: i think i'm going to look stuff up too when i'm drying glasses

Sindri: just so im prepared

Olaf: yeah! you can ask me questions

Olaf: though im still learning too haha

June 22, 2020

Olaf: hi sindri, i found more words!

Sindri: haha yeah?

Olaf: yeah xPPP

Olaf: there are lots of fun ones humans have a great sense of humour

Olaf: like wtfromantic ahha that made me laugh

Sindri: what does that mean

Olaf: WELL

Olaf: "a romantic orientation in the aromantic spectrum that describes people who cannot differentiate platonic from romantic attraction, cannot define romantic attraction and therefore aren't sure if they experience it"

Olaf: im glad there's a word for it and that word isnt stupid haha

Sindri: oh hey i like that one

Sindri: i think that one makes a lot of sense

Sindri: i've been thinking about like

Sindri: the line or whatever and it feels really arbitrary to me

Sindri: like what makes something a date? or not a date? you know

Olaf: exactly!!!!

Olaf: tho ive never felt any um, i dunno anything different for anyone so

Sindri: oh like where you want to "date" them

Olaf: right or like

Olaf: butterflies

Olaf: people talk about butterflies and i never get them for other people. i get flutters for other things

Olaf: like when im excited for an event you know?

Sindri: yeah

Sindri: i've been looking at stuff too

Olaf: oh have u also found words i have a list of words here but you can go next if you want

Sindri: no i want to know what your words are first

Olaf: well this next one is fun, it's squish

Olaf: guess what that means

Sindri: is it like a crush

Sindri: it sounds nicer than a crush lol

Olaf: yeah!

Olaf: its wanting to be friends with someone i guess, like, really badly

Olaf: i actually dont think ive had squishes either haha

Olaf: i mean! i want to be lots of people's friends but

Sindri: oh that's cool

Sindri: wow i love my new words so far

Sindri: squish is just a really cute one

Olaf: yeah i think its a very cute word x3

Olaf: There's also aesthetic attraction! which just means liking how someone looks, which is different than romantic or sexual attraction

Sindri: i found that one too

Sindri: i've been trying to figure myself out actually

Sindri: and that one was something i think i relate to a lot

Olaf: oooh wow im glad these words are helping you too

Olaf: yes i think i definitely understand aesthetic attraction.

Olaf: i actually think i might be asexual too? which is pretty crazy because i like sex but apparently thats not mutually exclusive!

Olaf: people shoudl really teach a class on this stuff

Sindri: it was also weird because it made me realize that when people say they are attracted to other people it means they actually want to have sex with them

Sindri: a lot of the time

Olaf: i KNOW

Sindri: that's CRAZY

Olaf: i dont not want to have sex with people? i dont know, i just dont think about it

Olaf: but if i think someone is pretty my first thought isnt oh lets have sex

Sindri: i never mean that when i say someone is attractive like i never look at a person and like want them to YES

Sindri: wow

Olaf: wow frosty!

Olaf: we have that in common haha

Sindri: i'll tell you one of my words

Olaf: yes!

Sindri: demisexual

Olaf: oh i saw that one!

Sindri: it's where you only feel sexual attraction to someone you have an emotional connection to already

Sindri: i think that's me

Olaf: ah that sounds like you

Olaf: what a beautiful sindri word

Sindri: thank you

Olaf: i think i read another word for us

Olaf: did you come across queerplatonic?

Sindri: no

Olaf: oh!

Olaf: its a good one haha

Olaf: i mean i think so

Olaf: its kind of hard to describe exactly im still reading about it but uhhhh okay maybe i'll just link you

Olaf: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Queerplatonic_Relationship

Olaf:it kind of sounds like some promises, you know? though most promises are romantic

Sindri: oh hey

Sindri: wow this really does seem like an us word

Olaf: yeah doesnt it!

Olaf: like how everyone thought we had to be more than friends

Sindri: yeah which is dumb

Sindri: i really like this one

Sindri: this one makes me feel like

Sindri: idk if feels right

Olaf: yeah i dont feel as stupid anymore haha

Olaf: if other people are like us, i mean

Olaf: maybe not exactly like us

Sindri: well it even says there are lots of ways they can be

Sindri: which is cool

Sindri: like if it makes sense to the people in the relationship that's how it is it's about being open and being comfortable

Olaf: yeah each one has different rules apparently

Sindri: i also think it's kind of silly that like friendships are apparently "not as intense" as romantic relationships which i guess is why this exists right

Olaf: yeah i think so

Olaf: though its confusing still because some articles say its asexual and other ones say that there can be sex

Olaf: but that goes back to teh different rules thing

Olaf: i think each one must be like a snowflake

Sindri: yeah i think it is about what the people in them want

Sindri: are we

Sindri: or like

Sindri: i don't know i think maybe if i wanted to define our relationship i might want to use that word

Sindri: which is something we would totally have to talk about

Olaf: i think id like that

Olaf: i just have always wanted to be your best friend forever which sounds so silly and childish but i dunno

Olaf: maybe we dont need all the words for it but maybe we do?

Olaf: or not!

Olaf: haha

Sindri: i want to be your best friend forever too olaf

Sindri: like i mean it

Sindri: i don't ever want to stop being friends with you and when i think about what i want my life to be like you are always in it

Sindri: and maybe having a word would make that easier because we wouldn't feel like we are doing things wrong?

Sindri: even though there isn't a right way

Sindri: but just in terms of other people and maybe feeling pressured to be different? i dont' know

Olaf: i think it would make me feel better about not leading you on or disappointing you and i know you say i dont do those things but it makes me nervous

Sindri: yeah and i would feel better about feeling like i'm accidentally pressuring you

Olaf: yeah

Olaf: we should definitely talk about it

Olaf: there are actually checklists and sheets and stuff hehe its kind of cute

Sindri: aww really?

Olaf: yeah :3

Sindri: when do you want to talk about it

Sindri: do you want to like plan a time

Olaf: oh i was just going to do it whenever you wanted to?

Olaf: if you want we can plan a time

Sindri: i think i would like to talk about it when i see you next so probably tonight haha

Sindri: it feels really good to maybe have a word

Olaf: oh okay! I can print out these worksheets if you want

Olaf: i'll make snacks hehe

Sindri: okay lol i can bring home some of that soup from remys too because we can't just eat SNACKS

Olaf: i do like that soup!

Sindri: good we have a plan then!

#soft #text #soft text #yes i am still posting things a month late #:) would u expect anything less from me

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d3-iseefire · 5 years

Text

Belated Writing Wednesday

Really Belated Writing Wednesday! SO this was a story I started months ago and hadn’t finished. It’s finished now, and is long enough to be about a four chapter long fic SO I’m gonna post a chapter a day til the fic goes away. :D :D

Little Warning: This fic gets pretty intense later on so please keep in mind that it’s still me writing it which means it’s still T Rated, No Archive Warnings and a Happy Ending. :)

For those who watch the show Supernatural, Sam and Dean make a cameo but the story is mainly about Bilba and Fili.

Anyhoo, I hope you all enjoy! Chapter 2 will be up tomorrow (on AO3). I’m not going to post each chapter on here, I don’t think, but I’ll post something letting you all know it’s up.

In the meantime, here’s the link what will eventually be the full story on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21702031/chapters/51764428

Bilba met Fili on a rainy January evening when she was six and he was eight. The rain had left her stuck inside, and she'd been slowly going stir crazy. Her foster mother had turned the lights down to put a movie on and, while the other children were engrossed, Bilba took the opportunity to sneak out to go exploring.

She headed straight to the basement.

None of the kids were allowed down there and she could just imagine the looks of awe she would receive from the others when she regaled them with tales of her adventure.

Tragically, what she found were boxes, and dust. Lots and lots of dust that tickled her nose and sent her into a violent sneezing fit.

When she'd finally recovered, she’d looked up to see a young boy staring at her suspiciously from the other side of the room.

Fili, as he’d introduced himself, had snuck in to look for monsters. The way he said it, all serious and solemn, nearly made Bilba laugh but she managed to control herself and simply nod back with what, she hoped, was an equal level of gravity.

She could understand where he'd gotten the idea. The home she had been placed in was in an apartment building, five stories with a stone exterior stained dark in places by the passing of years. In wintertime the leaves died off which left the trees spindly and creepy and, at night cheap lightbulbs caused an otherworldly orange light to shine from the windows.

Bilba thought the place had a ghost, and she lived there.

She’d ended up helping Fili look because it sounded like fun (even though he continued to insist it was very serious) and, together, the two hunted through boxes and searched shadowy corners for any evidence of ghosts, ghouls or other assorted monstrosities.

It had been nearly an hour later that her foster mother found them, along with a tall, dark haired intimidating man that turned out to be Fili’s uncle. Fili had been dragged off, while Bilba had been sent to her room for the evening for sneaking away and making everyone worry.

That might well have been the end of it, if it hadn’t been for Fili showing up a few days later to see if she wanted to play. This time he’d been dropped off by a different, just as intimidating, man Fili had introduced as Dwalin.

Dwalin had left and she and Fili had spent the entire afternoon running about playing. This had been followed by a similar afternoon the next day, as well as the one after that and the one after that. It was nearly five days later, in fact, before Dwalin had arrived to take Fili away again.

Bilba had cried for hours.

Two weeks later and he was suddenly back again, this time with a younger brother named Kili in tow. They'd stayed for only two days this time; and then it was another week before they arrived again.

It became a normal, if irregular, occurrence after that for both of them to be dropped off. Her foster mother explained that she and Fili's uncle were old friends, and she watched his nephews while he was away on business trips.

Fili insisted that his family was off fighting monsters, and they knew her foster mother because they'd once saved her from one.

Bilba didn't really believe him but had to admit his story was more interesting than the one her foster mother told.

As they grew older she grew closer to both of them, but her bond with Fili was always a little bit deeper than it was with Kili. When they were gone, Bilba spent most of her time sitting at her bedroom window waiting for him -- them to come back.

Fili began to visit more often, not always with Kili, and not always times where he had to stay. His family lived in a small, rundown house on the edge of town, and he’d ride an old battered bike in to spend the day with her.

On Bilba’s eight birthday, Fili and his family showed up to take her out for dinner. It was the first time she'd felt like part of a family, just like any other kid out with their parents and siblings to celebrate. The restaurant staff had given her a free cupcake with a cheap, plastic eight that she'd carefully preserved and hidden away for safety.

Later, Bilba got permission to go with Fili and his uncle on outings, sometimes to that rundown house on the edge of town, other times to the movies or the park or mall. Once, they all went to the beach and she got to see the ocean for the very first time.

She got to know them all. Fili of course, and his uncle, and then Kili. There was also Dwalin and a host of other people who came in and out at various times. Many of them were quite serious and had a tendency to brood, but they were always very kind to her.

She never met Fili and Kili's parents. The one time she'd asked, Fili had gotten sad and simply told her they were gone.

Fili's family seemed to get hurt a lot, often sporting bandages or favoring arms or legs, but she was always waved off when she tried to ask what had happened. Fili and Kili never got hurt. He said it was because he wasn’t old enough to hunt monsters yet and, as always, Bilba simply nodded and accepted it. She’d learned long ago not to be a bother. When you were a bother, people didn’t want you. She didn’t ask silly questions or raise her voice and she certainly didn’t go anywhere near the many weapons they told her to stay away from.

In addition to them, Bilba also got to meet Tauriel. She was a friend of Kili's and, when she visited, she spent a lot of time sharpening her own weapons. She was Fili’s age but, as he always complained, her family let her hunt. She rarely ever got hurt. When Bilba asked why, Tauriel said it was because she knew when to duck.

Fili got his first knife when she was eleven and he was thirteen. Soon after, Bilba stopped seeing him as often. Instead of being left behind while his uncle and Dwalin went on their trips (to hunt monsters as Fili always insisted) he went with them. Kili still came to stay sometimes, but it wasn't the same for either of them and he soon stopped.

It was around this time that the doubt first started to creep in.

She supposed it came from watching the other kids around her come and go. Mostly go. There always seemed to be people looking for a little boy or girl to come and complete their family.

No one ever asked to meet her.

She didn’t know why. Maybe she wasn't pretty enough or smart enough or a thousand different things. In the end, all that mattered was she simply wasn't enough. No one wanted her. As time passed, a small voice inside her head began trying to convince her that Fili and his family didn't want her either.

Sure, they took her out, but they always brought her back. Always turned and drove away. Off on their business trips for days, or even weeks, at a time. Without her.

They never offered to adopt her, never even seemed to consider it.

Some of the other kids taunted her for it.

Sometimes that voice inside her head taunted her too.

Maybe, it would say, she’d never been anything more than a built-in playmate to keep Fili and his brother busy and out of his uncle's hair.

Maybe they thought she was annoying even though she tried her hardest not to be. Maybe they only tolerated her. Maybe Fili thought she was annoying but was too nice to get rid of her or maybe they thought of her as nothing more than an irritating little girl who couldn’t take a hint.

Maybe they were just waiting for her to go away.

The thoughts got louder as she got older, particularly once her eighteenth birthday started to become less of a far-off concept and more of a rapidly approaching reality. She couldn’t stay in the home once she turned eighteen. She’d have to move out, find a job and place to stay.

She'd be all on her own.

When she was three months from her eighteenth birthday and he was well into his twentieth year, Fili got hurt for the first time. Really hurt. He'd been hurt before, ever since he started going away on those business trips with his uncle, but it had never been more than a few cuts and bruises or, once, a broken arm.

This time he came home unconscious and pale, with blood still staining his neck and soaking through his shirt in a bigger pool than she’d ever seen. His breathing had been shallow, and his pulse been so slow she almost couldn’t feel it.

His entire chest had been wrapped in heavy bandages and she knew he should be in the hospital, hooked up to all manner of machines and tubes, but instead they put him in his bed and set up a crappy old IV pump that they’d stolen at the same time they’d snuck him out of the hospital he should have been in.

It was the first time Bilba had gotten mad at them.

It was the first time she’d yelled.

It was the first time they’d yelled back.

She’d threatened to call the police, and they’d threatened to take Fili and leave...and never come back.

Bilba would always remember the cutting pain as those words had lanced right through her. She'd reeled back as if they'd physically struck her and, in many ways, they had.

Kili had shouted at his uncle, while Dwalin had ordered them all to shut up and, through it all, Bilba had simply...stood there.

She hadn't moved until their uncle had stalked from the room and slammed the door behind him. Kili had tried to talk to her but Bilba had simply shaken her head. She’d gone and stretched out on the bed next to Fili...and stayed there.

For days.

For weeks.

No one from her foster home came looking for her.

It had taken three days for Kili to convince her to eat, and then only because he’d threatened to have Dwalin drag her from the room if she didn’t. After that, Bilba had made sure to eat, and shower and do what she was supposed to do.

She did it by rote.

She did it in silence because if there was one thing she now knew with utter certainty it was that while she couldn't live without Fili and his family, they could certainly live without her.

Life could be unfair that way sometimes.

Fili took two and a half weeks to wake up, and it would be weeks more before every moment of that waking wasn’t spent in agony.

Bilba stayed with him the entire time, even later when he was mostly healed, and the rest of the family started their business trips again.

She finally asked Fili what happened.

He told her it was monsters.

Something inside her had snapped. She'd screamed at him and, for the first time since they'd met, Fili had realized she'd never believed him about the monsters.

The fight that followed was the biggest they’d ever had, mostly on her end. All of it suddenly came pouring out. The horrible voice in her head, her anxiety over her eighteenth birthday, the gut churning terror she’d felt as she’d watched over him and begged him not to leave her.

At some point he’d stopped and simply listened to her, eyes wide. Bilba had wanted to stop, had told herself to stop, to just simply shut up, please shut up, for the love of god, just shut up.

Don’t be a problem.

Don’t make his life harder.

Don’t get in the way.

He won’t want you anymore.

None of them will.

They'll leave and then where will you be?

Alone.

That's where.

She couldn’t seem to stop, however, and by the end of it her voice was hoarse, and her eyes were swollen and puffy, and she was shaking so hard it was a wonder she didn’t collapse.

She’d run from the house before he could tell her that he hated her. When he'd tried to visit she'd refused to see him, and when her phone had rung with the ringtone she'd set for him she'd turned it off.

Eventually he'd stopped trying, and she’d finally learned the answer to the question she’d always been too afraid to ask.

It had been an illusion.

A myth.

A pleasant dream she’d used to pass the time until she was forced to face reality.

No one wanted her, and no one ever would.

Read the Rest Here As It’s Posted: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21702031/chapters/51764428

#Writing Wednesday #Belated #Writing #My Writing #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Supernatural #LOTR #The Hobbit #Hobbit #Fili #Female Bilbo Baggins #Sam Winchester Cameo #Dean Winchester Cameo

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suitofvibraniumarmor · 4 years

Text

The American Initiative

Part Ten

Summary: Grace Cleveland and Eleanor Baker both thought their lives were over, until they became part of something much bigger – the Avengers. Pairing(s): Clint Barton x OFC, Steve Rogers x OFC Word Count: 1897 Blanket Warnings: Death, mentioned a couple of different ways, but not detailed; canon divergence; more based on Marvel movies. In the infamous word of Steve Rogers, “Language.”

Masterlist Wanna be tagged?

Without Grace to keep her busy in her downtime, Ellie had more time to think – about a lot of things. She found out more about herself in the first couple of days that Grace was gone than she had in a while. Furthermore, she discovered that she wasn’t the kind of person to bottle up her feelings; she could be in control and not let on to them, but she wasn’t going to hide them from herself, either.

This realization prompted her to cautiously broach the subject of relationships with Steve.

“I don’t mean to make things awkward, for either of us,” Ellie assured, “I just — I’m trying to figure out how to handle it now, I suppose.”

Steve nodded. “That’s perfectly understandable, Elle. Even if you remembered things from before, being an Avenger is a whole new can of worms.”

Ellie smiled at his analogy. “Something like that.”

“I don’t know much about relationships overall, to be honest. Before the injections, I was a scrawny Brooklyn kid with asthma and zero allure. After the injections, there was Captain America — but there was also a woman. Her name was Peggy; she was part of the initiative, I suppose. Smart and tough and kind – not a lot unlike you, actually. She had faith in me when no one else did. I suppose there was something between us, but then I had to put that airplane in the ice and everything else happened …”

Steve trailed off, a nostalgic sheen glazing his eyes. Ellie bit her lip and looked away, giving him a moment of privacy with his memories.

“Did you ever think about finding her, you know, when you woke up?”

Returning from his trip down memory lane, Steve chuckled, albeit sadly. “I thought about it, sure, but life went on without me, Elle. Peggy would be an old woman by now.”

“Oh, right …”

The two of them had lingered in silence for a few moments after that, before Ellie showed him some mercy and changed the subject. The thought occurred to her that, old woman or not, Steve was still in love with this Peggy woman – perhaps he would always be. For that reason, though she had accepted her feelings, Ellie decided it was best to keep them to herself.

Grace shouldered the one bag she had with her, pulled the hood of her jacket up over her head, and walked down the streets of Boston towards the last place she had known Joel to live. Thanks to S.H.I.E.L.D intel, she knew he wasn’t there anymore, but she figured it looked less conspicuous if she didn’t go to a place Joel assumed she didn’t know about.

Taking a deep breath, Grace hurried up the steps of the apartment complex, heading straight for the place she had called home, for a while. Another deep breath before knocking, and then there was no turning back.

A familiar man opened the door. “Gracie?”

“Heya, Frank. I’m lookin’ for Joel.”

Frank smiled and hugged her tight. “I told the ole boy you’d be back before we knew it. Joel don’t stay here anymore, though.”

Grace frowned. “Where’d he go?”

“C’mon in here,” Frank said, pulling her out of the hallway. “I’ll call him. He’s in hiding, ya know.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

She sat on the couch – the one she and Joel had picked out together for the apartment – dropped her bag on the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest. Frank spoke in a hushed voice in the kitchen not far away, and Grace could hear every word. When he disconnected the call, he came back around.

“Gimme ten minutes, Gracie. I’ll take you to Joel.”

Grace nodded, focusing on the TV while Frank went in the other room to change and get ready to leave. Her heart was racing, and she was hypervigilant of her situation. Though she knew how secure S.H.I.E.L.D was, there was part of her that feared he knew what she had been up to the last few months.

“All right, let’s go.”

Frank hit the power button on the remote; the cessation of sound broke Grace’s train of thought. She shouldered her bag again and followed her old friend out the door.

Amidst her routine of getting up to date with intel, a regular training schedule, and otherwise occupying herself, Ellie did her best not to think about her feelings for Steve. His heart was taken, that was clear. Ellie could only hope that, in time, her feelings would wane and she could move on.

She was sitting in a conference room on her own when Natasha came to meet her. Ellie smiled a greeting at the other woman and put her hand on the brown file folder in front of her.

“Thanks for meeting me. I think I’m about ready to do this, but I didn’t want to do it alone.”

“What is that?” Natasha inquired.

Ellie took a deep breath. “My entire life, up to the point that Fury came to claim me at the hospital. I haven’t looked at it before, and I only know a few things from what I’ve been told about how I came to be part of The American Initiative. Something someone said to me recently – I’ve been thinking about life after we’re gone. I’ve been wondering how my family is getting on, and who all is left. I want to know the things I don’t remember.”

Natasha pursed her lips together and picked at her nails. She re-directed her focus to Ellie, but couldn’t make herself ask the question.

“You think this is a bad idea?”

Natasha shook her head.. “No. Not if it’s something you feel the conviction to do, Ella. I just – are you going to be able to handle all of the things in this folder? You don’t know what’s in there, and – you make the decision for yourself, I’m here if you decide to go ahead. Sometimes though, I think it’s best to remember that the things left in the past, are left there for good reason.”

Natasha’s advice was good advice. Ellie took it all into consideration, and finally decided to open the file. The first page was all about her.

“I was a teacher,” Ellie smiled. “US history, for a high school.”

Natasha smiled, too, and continued to do so as Ellie went through all the things in her background. She listened as Ellie talked about her parents and her sister, about family pets she didn’t remember she ever had.

As Ellie came to the end of the section on her family, her jaw dropped and her eyes filled with tears. She shoved the file away and stood, fleeing the room and eventually the building.

Natasha pulled the file in front of her, her jaw going just as slack as Ellie’s had as she took in the information in front of her.

“This is some shady shit, Frankie,” Grace muttered as they walked down a concrete staircase. “What the hell is going on?”

Frank glanced at her, but said nothing before turning forward again. A single light bulb dangled from a wired fixture at the bottom of the staircase. Grace watched it swing back and forth a couple of times before Frank got the heavy door unlocked and motioned for her to enter.

Her jaw went slack as she entered the makeshift laboratory; it wasn’t entirely unlike the S.H.I.E.L.D lab where she had been enhanced. This place, however, lacked the technology to be up to par with the agency’s facilities.

“Gracie?”

The voice broke through the silence, causing Grace to turn and face the man she knew so well. He was bigger now, taller and more muscular — she wondered what else had changed about him.

“Joel,” she said, letting his name out on a breath of feigned relief.

He opened his arms and Grace dropped her bag, running to him. The couple embraced, and Joel lifted her face to his, kissing her roughly.

“I missed you — how did you get out?”

Grace swallowed hard. “They cleared me, put me in witness protection. I got the drop on my guards.”

“Always a runner,” Joel smirked, pushing the hood away from her. “Your hair got longer.”

“Yeah … Joel, what is all of this?” Grace gestured to the machines and computers around them.

He stepped away from her, took a deep breath, and sighed. “After I was dropped from the enhancement program, I couldn’t let it go. I found someone within the agency to sneak me the serum — I have to take it via IV, which is apparently changing the way the serum works. It’s better in some ways, but taking time in others. But — it’s happening. I’m becoming the man I was always meant to be.”

Grace smiled as she stepped up to him again. “I always said you had great potential.”

Joel chuckled and kissed her again. “C’mon, I’ll show you the rest of the place.”

As soon as Natasha showed him the file, Steve took off in a full run to find Ellie. A mix of emotions swelled in his chest; pride that she had the courage to open the file was churning with heartache at what she had just discovered she left behind.

He found her near the archery range. She was standing but with her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. Steve slowed and reached out a hand to her shoulder.

“Ellie …”

Her head lifted and she sniffled as she turned to look at him. Stepping right up to him, Ellie bit her lip as she took Steve’s face in her hands and pressed her lips to his.

He knew he shouldn’t respond, but he couldn’t stop himself from returning the gesture. The saltiness of her tears combined with her own sweet taste; the scent of her invaded his nose. Steve never wanted to let her go.

Ellie was the first to pull away, stepping back and out of his reach. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just done that out of the blue. But, Steve, don’t you think that if I had a — a husband, who died in the same wreck I was in, and a little girl left behind, I should have felt some sort of guilt in kissing another man? It should have sparked something about my former life. But it doesn’t! I read this file of this person who has my name and my face but I don’t know her. It’s like — it’s like I ruined everything!”

She dissolved into sobs again, but this time, not alone. Steve stepped towards her again, pulling her against his chest and promising her that everything was going to be all right.

#TAImarathon #avengers #fanfiction #steve rogers #clint barton #ofc #steve rogers x ofc #captain america x ofc #clint barton x ofc #hawkeye x ofc #queue ... assemble

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bluepenguinstories · 4 years

Text

Remoras Full Chapter IV: Funiculì, Funiculà

It’s been over a year and a half since the incident. To think that so much time passed and yet I find myself unable to say “a lot has changed since then.”

Still, as my therapist often told me, it was all a process.

That I had a therapist was, in of itself, a process. One which took much deliberation. Sensible or stubborn, I refused to seek help from my old place of work, and instead sought out a private therapist who would come visit every other week. There were other places I could have gone, I realize, but I was just too afraid to venture outside. Even with the idea of a brighter future ahead, I was just so afraid of the outside world and its potential to be cruel.

Our most recent session in particular was rather devastating (but each one was, just as it was devastating to have an earnest conversation with anyone) and left me drained afterward. It had went something like this:

“I thought things would be better from here on out,” I told her, who sat across from me on the sofa, and jotted notes down as I spoke. “Like, I was finally free – and I am, don’t get me wrong. But in spite of that, I’m still so scared that there are still people out there who mean to do me harm. Or that I may snap and cause them harm. I feel like such a mean person, but I don’t want to be.”

“There are scary people out there, for sure,” was her reply.

“That’s all? No ‘but’?”

She shook her head.

“But I don’t want to live in fear!” I protested.

“It’s normal to have such a response to the outside world, given what you’ve been through.”

“It’s just...I feel so weak, you know? I feel like I used to be so strong, but now I can hardly do anything. This was supposed to be the start of better things for me, but instead I’m finding it difficult.”

“It is difficult, and the start of better things often are.”

“But it feels like I’ve regressed, rather than moved forward.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I break down easily. I think about how I used to act and it appalls me. But at the same time, I miss aspects of who I was. How I could keep in all these feelings and keep a face of someone calm. I would do whatever I felt necessary in order to do the things I wanted in my life. But...I knew it was coming to an end, even then. I just couldn’t sustain myself that way. I was starting to give up. Even back then, I missed who I was before that: someone who could fight and say whatever was on her mind. I thought I accepted the idea that if I were to die the next day, I would be content, because there nothing else I could do.”

“But here you are. You’re still strong. You need to see that just because you’ve dealt with traumatic events in your life doesn’t make you weak.”

“I know, but I don’t want to be this way.”

“Battles often aren’t without their scars.”

“I guess…” I looked away for a bit. The apartment really was small. There were so many thing I still didn’t feel ready for, yet I wanted to dive right into them. “Is there nothing I can do?”

“I wouldn’t say that. It may be difficult, but I think you can live a better life. You’ve already made so much progress, I hope you see that.”

My initial thought was to ask “such as?” Instead, I thought about what kind of progress that could be.

“Yeah. I moved into a new apartment. I still don’t feel like I can work a job, but I’ve started to cultivate some plants out on the back deck and I think I want to have an orchard eventually. This apartment is really just a first step. I want to live away from the city, have a garden in a remote area, growing my own fruits and vegetables. I’m not sure if, or when, it will happen, but at least I have someone who supports me.” I took a deep breath. “I managed to seek therapy. Talk to someone other than who I live with.”

“I’m glad you acknowledge that.”

“Yeah, I, I just don’t know,” my voice started to crack. Come on, hold back the waterworks for just five minutes. She’ll be gone soon. “I want to be able to go outside without being so afraid.”

“You don’t have to go into crowds, you know. Even just going to the back deck is something.”

“Yeah, but what if I need to, like, to get groceries or something?”

“Hmm…” She pondered, tapping the end of her pen against her chin. “Maybe you could start slow. Would it help if you held your wife’s hand and took a walk around? You don’t have to go very far.”

“Yeah, I think that could work. I’m afraid of crowds, but I think I could even visit her every now and then at the Saturday Market. She’d probably like that. I think I’d like that, too.”

“Oh yeah, you told me about that last time.”

“I’m the one who encouraged her to do so, since she’s always making things, anyway. It’s surprising, but enough people like what she does that we’re able to pay rent with the earnings.”

Why is it so surprising? You wouldn’t have encouraged her if you didn’t have confidence in her skills.

“That’s great. See? That’s a strong thing right there.”

“Mm,” I looked down. “I guess. It’s just hard. Like I’m learning to be the person I want to be.”

“Life is a constant learning process.”

There were other talks after that; back and forths about mindfulness and acknowledging each moment. By that time, however, I had already zoned most of it out and was just nodding along. I was too emotionally drained. She could tell as well, so we wrapped up our session, arranged a time for our next session, and I saw her off.

Then, I leaned my head back on the couch. One problem that never got brought up was a recent development: gaps in my memory have started to resurface. Things from long ago, and even things that by all accounts, I should’ve remembered. Like the early days with the one who I would end up spending the rest of my life with. Speaking of, I decided to text her:

Me: I’m done with my session jskjsksjksjskjskjs

Then I passed out.

I woke up to feel someone nudging me.

“Oh my! I thought you were keysmashing but turns out you fell asleep with your thumbs on your phone!”

I rubbed my eyes as I groaned. “Therapy is exhausting,” I informed her, my voice groggy.

“Uh, yeah? Everyone knows that.”

“How did I ever manage it?”

She shrugged. “Beats me. You were never that good at it.” “Hey!” I retorted.

“Well, okay, you were good at making people think you were good at it. You did what you thought would help with what little knowledge you had. Presentation counts for a lot, so your colleagues probably never thought to question it.”

“Why did you ever let me go through with it?”

“I think I said at the time that you didn’t have to, but you were pretty insistent.”

Sounds about right, given what I knew about myself.

“It’s not fair,” I grumbled. “I always end up crying during these sessions. I bet therapists never cry.”

“How much you got?” She took to a sly expression. “I bet they do. They probably wait after the session and then bawl their eyes out.”

We both laughed at that remark.

“So what’d you two talk about, anyway?”

I crossed my arms. “I don’t really want to rehash it.”

“Okay, fine by me! But I’ll be around if you do.”

“...It was just about how I’m scared to go out in public and she suggested you come with me and we could hold hands.”

She gasped. “You just breached confidentiality! You have to go to jail now!”

“What?! No! That’s not how that works!” I protested. “It’s the therapist who can’t talk about the things said without express permission from the client! I volunteered that information to you!”

“Nope. Do not pass go. Sorry, babe. I don’t make the rules. I’ll miss you, but I promise to write.”

“Oh my god! You’re too much!” I burst into laughter.

“So, wanna try it?”

“Hm?” I looked at her.

“The handholding thing. Sounds fun.”

“We’ve held hands before. Practically all the time.”

“Yeah, but wanna do it...therapeutically?”

“Yeah. I think it would help.”

“And, y’know, if it helps, I could sit in on one of your sessions sometimes. Hold your hand while you tackle tough emotions.”

To that, I shook my head. “This is something I want to confront alone.”

“There you go again, bein’ all stubborn. That part of you’s never changed,” she wagged her finger.

“Well, if you want, you could sit in on me...in the bedroom…” I covered my hands over my face. “That was phrased weird. I can’t do suggestive talk.”

She rolled around the couch in hysterics, laughing it up.

“Will there be biting?” She asked, once she finally calmed down.

“Lovingly.”

“Yay!”

We walked together into the bedroom and curled up, our legs tangled in each other. She tittered, ran her fingers through my hair, and smiled. That she acted so giddy every time we would lay together made it so that I couldn’t help but smile as well. First, we started off by kissing, arms wrapped around each other, then we sat up; I watched as she unbuttoned her blouse, and I, in turn, slipped out of my shirt.

Everything was going well, with me giving her light pecks across her neck, down her chest. But then, from the corner of my eye, I saw the scar on her shoulder and remembered the cause of her injury.

“I’m sorry,” I pulled away. The tears were already starting to work their way down even though I knew she didn’t think ill of the whole thing. “I don’t think I can continue.”

“Aw, it’s okay.”

Instead, I leaned in close, and she held me tight against her. The image would have been an odd one, had I the ability to see outside of myself. Although I was taller, often times I thought of her as the bigger person.

“Would you like to take a nap?” She asked.

“Not yet,” I muttered.

“Would you like me to take over and help you feel better?”

Weak, I nodded, then I leaned back and let her shower me in affection and pleasure. It felt wrong, selfish of me, not to reciprocate, but it was just like that: images of the past come to mind and sometimes they affected me, while other times I was able to take a more active role and exist in the moment.

At least there was no desire to be aggressive. No itch for greater and greater levels of intensity. Instead, I could take my time and let it come in its own time. There would be another opportunity to bring her pleasure later in the evening. For the time being, I found myself brought to a high, and then, as I reached my peak, I fell back. She kissed my cheek, then, snuggled up to each other, we both fell asleep.

Needless to say, there were still a few difficulties to overcome. It was all an adjustment process, I knew that. But I didn’t want to find myself so needy that I couldn’t do the most basic of things, like going outside in public, unless she was around.

So a few days later, I got up out of bed, after having slept in. She had already left earlier in the morning to go work at the Saturday Market. While home alone, I bathed, then slipped into a bath robe, made myself a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, and after, took to the couch and read a book.

Around noon, I began to grow restless. I knew that if I just waited a few hours, she would come back home, but that wasn’t it. I wanted to try going out on my own. After changing into a tie dye shirt and jeans and slipping on some shoes, I inched toward the door, my heart pounding all the while.

Once out, I started to feel more and more agitated. I wasn’t very far from home, but the thought that there were other people nearby already got to me.

“Not much further. I don’t need to go far,” I told myself under my breath. But each step, I thought to be more daring, and soon, I was near where the crowded streets began. Soon, the sea of others’ voices drowned out my own thoughts and both my mind and my heart were racing. I was about to turn back when one voice stood out among the others.

“How long does it take to do such a simple assignment? ‘Divide and conquer’, she said. Well, I’ve already taken care of my targets, so what’s taking her so long?” Came a low and icy voice, from someone who sounded rather annoyed.

Assignment? Divide and conquer? Targets? This isn’t good; I’m having irrational thoughts of what the implications of those words could mean.

I looked around to find whose voice that belonged to, and at last, I saw her: someone about as tall as I was in stature, with a thick red vest, who stood in the middle of the sidewalk, as if everyone around her didn’t exist. She shivered, was hunched over, and seemed to be typing at her phone.

Images of that incident flashed in my mind, but rather than run away and cower, I found myself approaching her, and then the words escaped from me:

“Rhea? Is that you?”

“Huh?” She turned around. It was more clear that it wasn’t her from up close: she had darker hair, almost blackened, but with a hint of red to it. “Do I know you?”

“I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else, but you couldn’t be her, since she died.”

“I see. That’s rather strange to come up to strangers and mistake them for dead people,” she remarked as she slipped her phone back into her pocket. Beside her were a couple of bags. “Do you do that often?”

“No, I –”

“Also, I’m Remora. Not whatever you just said.”

“Sorry. Really.”

She went back to her phone. “Seriously? She still hasn’t replied?”

“Um...may I ask what’s wrong?”

“Just my partner. We were going grocery shopping and we decided to split the list, but she’s taking forever. I’m considering just leaving without her.”

“Partner? As in couple?”

She glared, almost a scowl.

“No.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

I considered walking away, since I had already troubled that Remora person enough, but I figured she was frustrated and I thought I could try to help diffuse the situation.

“Are you in a hurry?” I asked. “If not, maybe you could find something to do in the meantime.”

She looked around, her arms still huddled as she shivered, then returned her gaze to me. “No. None of these things are perishable. What would you suggest?”

Crap. I just put myself on the spot. Great.

“Well, you could, uh...sit at a park, maybe?”

“No.” She shot me down. “Hm…who are you, anyway?”

That took me by surprise, but I told her my name.

“I see. Do you want to get a drink?”

“Like, at a bar?”

“No, at the denist’s office,” she replied. Okay. I could tell when someone was being sarcastic.

She waited for a response, but when I didn’t know what to say, she spoke again: “yes, I meant a bar.”

“Maybe I should let my wife know first. I don’t know.”

“Do you need your wife’s permission to do everything?”

“It’s...It’s not like that!”

“Well, are you coming or what?” She tapped her heel.

“Y-Yes!” I didn’t know why, but I felt like I should accept the offer and hang out with her.

She started to walk off and I hurried behind, my eagerness to interact with someone other than the person I lived with outweighing my anxiousness of being out in public.

“Sorry again, by the way. You really did seem like her from a distance, you even talk and act a little like she did.”

“People don’t come back from the dead, Vesuvius.”

“Right! I know that!”

“Pick up the pace,” she instructed. I didn’t know what it was about her, but there was something there that itched at me, as if no matter how hard it was to think otherwise, it really did seem like I was face to face with Rhea with the key exception being that we were doing something so normal as going out drinking together. It both excited and terrified me.

At the bar, we next to each other at the counter. Few other occupants resided; it must have had to do with the time of day.

“Get me a cold one,” she told the bartender.

“A cold what?” He replied.

“I don’t know. Whiskey? Vodka? Does it matter? Something strong and cold.”

Just like you?

“What about you, missy?” He turned to me. That annoyed me. ‘Missy’.

“Miss is just fine,” I replied. “I’ll just have a pomegranate martini.”

“My bad, miss.”

“Good. You’re sticking up for yourself,” she commented.

That took me by surprise. I turned to her. “I try my best. People scare me, but I still need to assert myself.”

“It might irritate other people, but that shouldn’t matter,” it sounded like she was agreeing with me. “Others can deal with it, if it’s what matters to you, you should speak up about it.”

“Um, thank you?”

“Just stating facts.”

Well, in that case, I prefer Ves.”

“What?”

“My name.”

“Oh. Then why didn’t you tell me that was your name?”

“Vesuvius is my name, it’s just that I like Ves more.”

“All right, then. Ves it is.”

“Thank you.”

She shrugged. “I’m just here to kill time. I can spare a few courtesies.”

Right, and I was just there because I mistook her for someone who used to want me dead and who I, in turn, caused her death. But yeah, let’s just say we were both killing time and I wasn’t nervous as all hell.

I turned to her and noticed her arms crossed as she rubbed her hands against her upper arms while her back was hunched over. Her back was hunched over and I watched her take labored breaths.

“Are you all right?” I asked her.

“It’s the atmosphere,” she replied, brisk and low in her tone.

“You were shivering when we were outside, too.”

“I’m not used to the climate, that’s all. I live up north.”

So that’s what it was. For a second, I thought…Ah. Here I was, sitting next to someone I had just met and all I could think about was someone I barely knew for three days before said person died. To think that the time we met was so short, but I found myself so affected by her. Not to mention, how we were enemies.

“What? Why are you crying?” She sounded genuinely surprised. I reached for a napkin to wipe my eyes with.

“Sorry, I...sometimes I cry when I get sad,” I tried to explain.

“Isn’t that normal for most people?” She gave a perplexed look.

“Yeah, I suppose it is,” I replied with a soft laugh. “I’m just not used to it.”

“I see. Why is that?”

I shrugged, then tried to explain.

“Much of my life was spent on edge. Either fighting, running, or hiding. After a while, it started to weigh on me. So I kept my emotions hidden and laid low. My pain, my rage, I just held it down and instead carried a calm demeanor.”

Our drinks arrived. Hers, a glass of whiskey (not just a shot glass, either, a rather tall glass) and my pomegranate martini. I took my finger to the rim of my glass and licked the sugar off of it.

“Mm. Yeah. That’s no good. Holding in emotions is unhealthy,” she replied after downing her drink.

“What about you?”

“I don’t have many emotions to begin with. Not much to hold in.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? Doesn’t bother me.”

“Maybe so. Sorry, you seem okay, but I still can’t help but think of this other person. I guess I’m still not over her.”

“What was she to you? An ex or something?”

“Not exactly. She tried to kill me.”

“Huh? What was her reason?”

“Well, she was hired to do so and she said I was a threat to humanity. Truth is, I could see her reasoning, being that I was pretty sick at the time and it was affecting people around me.”

“You’re better now, though, right?”

“Mhm.”

“Good.”

There were many things that filled my mind then. The events of those fateful few days – how I attempted several means to give myself a better life, but they ended up only making things worse for me. Then, I found myself saying:

“I know we were enemies, but it seemed like she was just as exhausted of fighting as I was. Even if circumstances led us to being opposed to each other, I really wish I could have gotten to know her better. Maybe I could have helped her somehow.”

She took another swig of her drink, then wiped her mouth with her sleeve and set the glass down.

“Sounds like it was for the best. Everyone has their own ideas of a ‘happy ending’. Sounds like that was hers.”

I wanted to say how it was she died, but I knew it would have been incriminating. Especially in a public place.

“I take it you killed her, huh?”

“Wait, what?” I blinked.

“If you two were enemies and she’s dead, that’s how I imagine things went down.”

“Yes, but I didn’t want to. I just think she wanted me to. At least it seems that way.”

Remora looked like she was about to speak up again, but then we both heard her phone buzz. She pulled it out from her pocket.

“Oh. Great. It’s her.”

“Your partner?”

“Hold on.” She began texting. I could hear her say under her breath what she was typing. “You do not need a sombrero. That is not why we’re here.”

Cue a few seconds later, she jolted, as if she was getting pissed off.

“No. You don’t need a set of neon green throwing knives, either. What’s taking you so long?” Then she glared at me. “See what I have to deal with?”

The phone buzzed again, and again, she recited what she was typing.

“How is that relevant?”

Puzzled, I leaned over. She must have noticed, so showed me the conversation. The first thing I noticed was the contact name, which simply said ‘Pest’:

Pest: Someone’s selling sombreros! I want one!

Me: You do not need a sombrero. That is not why we’re here.

Pest: Send me money so I can buy some neon green throwing knives! I need them to look badass! ;_;

Me: No. You don’t need a set of neon green throwing knives, either. What’s taking you so long?

Pest: I just realized that my name is so close to ‘dementia’! I need to change my name! D:

Me: How is that relevant?

Pest: YOU MAY AS WELL PUT EBONY DARKNESS IN FRONT OF MY NAME AKSJKSJFSKJF ;_;

I blinked. That sure was something.

“I can see how your guys’ personalities clash.”

She shook her head. “Too high energy for me.”

“Hey, I’m married to someone who’s high energy.”

“Married couples annoy me.”

I looked down at my drink. Still hadn’t even given it a sip. Maybe I just wasn’t in the mood for it. Shame, too. It probably tasted great.

“Hey,” she poked me. “Give me your address.”

“Why?”

“So I can tell her to meet me there.”

“Oh. Uh, I guess that’s fine. She’s not dangerous, is she?”

Remora laughed. “She’s only a danger to herself.”

“That’s a relief.”

I wrote down my address on a napkin and passed it to her. Remora went ahead and texted it to her, then she ordered another drink.

“We’re not gonna head over there?” I asked.

“Knowing her, it’s gonna take another hour before she shows up.”

“Oh, well in that case…” My thoughts drifted once again to Rhea. “Can I try something out?”

“What?”

“Can I pretend it’s Rhea sitting next to me? I know it sounds weird, but I think it would help me move on.”

“Sure, if you think it’ll help.”

“Thank you,” I cleared my throat. “Okay, here goes…”

I thought of the right words to say, as if I was having a conversation with someone I could never have. How would I address them? I figured starting with their name was a good starting point.

“Rhea,” I began.

“Yeah? What is it?” Remora replied.

“What?” I paused.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to pretend to be her or not.”

“You can respond if you want. I’d mostly like it if you listened.”

“Okay. Go on.”

“It just pains me to know that there’s so much about you I’ll never know. Like what life must have been like for you. I know you gave off the impression of a cold and merciless mercenary, but for whatever reason, you showed me mercy. Even though I killed your partner, Douglas Fir. I still wish I hadn’t done that to him, even knowing how he terrorized my home, I’m still disgusted at myself for that.”

“Eh, he had it coming,” she replied.

“What?”

“Oh. Nothing. He just sounds like a sleazy guy. Carry on.”

“Now that I think of it, it wasn’t that you simply showed me mercy. You offered me a choice I could not accept. When I refused the first time, you tried to stop at nothing to kill me. When that didn’t work, you decided to try to talk with me and see if you reach a different solution. I don’t really understand why. You could have killed me while I was recovering. I wish I could have known what it was.”

She didn’t respond that time. I continued.

“You knew about me through files written on me. Could deduce my personality just through a few sentence descriptions. But I, even from what little I saw of you, still didn’t really know you. I knew you had a condition. It fascinated me, truth be told. Thoughts like ‘I wonder what it is that made you this way’. Even if I knew, I don’t think I could have helped you, as much as it pains me to say. Whether it was a physical or mental condition, I don’t think I would have known what to do. Whether or not there really was a cure, it didn’t seem like something I could have figured out.”

“Why should I feel sympathetic when our roles were more antagonistic? I cannot say. Maybe I saw us as kindred spirits, in spite of our roles. To me, it looked like you were in pain, just as I was. It may have been expressed differently, but I still sensed a pain, a certain tiredness in you. I think that’s what affected me so deeply about your death.”

“I wonder...did you really mean it when you said I was a disappointment? I know, such a strange thing to dwell on.”

She took another drink. “If you want my opinion, the only person you should worry about disappointing is yourself.”

“Well, I’m rather remorseful of how I used to act.”

“Hmm...Remorseful...Gah! I should’ve changed my last name, too! I just couldn’t come up with a pun, so I decided to leave my last name as is!”

“...What?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Remora waved her hand away. “Just frustrated. I could’ve worked with that! I only chose this name because I saw a remora at an aquarium and they seemed interesting.”

“Wait, is Remora not your real name?”

“It is. I just had a previous name. I liked to work with name puns. Giving myself this name, it felt like a sense of freedom for me.”

“My birth name was Etna,” I told her in an attempt to relate.

“Yeah, but your name is Ves. Just as mine is Remora. We don’t need to worry about past names.”

“Yeah, but what about past actions? Experiences?”

“You said you acted with the intention of being happier. Well, are you happier now?”

I had to stop and think. Was I? In a way, I had made myself unhappy. But through that, I was able to experience what I had been missing for so long, so in that sense, I found it worth it.

“Yes. It’s taken me a while to get there and it’s still a long journey, but I’m in a much better place now. It’s just been a slow process.”

“Good. That’s all you need to worry about. Is making sure you keep moving forward and realize that the journey has been worth it.”

“What about you?”

“Eh. Same. It’s an adjustment, but I’m open to it.”

“That’s good. I’m glad for you.”

“Why? You just met me.”

“I don’t know. I just feel like I’ve known you already.”

She pointed at my glass. “You haven’t finished your drink.”

“Oh. Lemme do that right now,” I held up the glass and downed it in one big gulp.

“Isn’t that the wrong kind of drink to be chugging down?”

My head was already starting to feel funny. “Yes. I. Think I’m ready to go home.”

“Oh, bother,” she held her palm to her forehead and shook her head. “Are you going to be all right?”

“I should be fine.”

Besides the fact that I felt like I was going to collapse on the sidewalk.

“Here, let me walk you home. That’s where I’m meeting my partner, anyway.” She slipped a hundred dollar bill on the counter, then stood up.

Before I could object, she carried me on her shoulders as I felt myself start to get drowsy.

While we walked home, through my sleepy voice, I continued to try to strike conversation with her.

“Do you and this person live together?” I asked.

“If you’re referring to the grocery partner, no. We just happen to work at the same place and the manager asked us to go shopping here.”

“Oh? What do you do for work?”

“I work at a restaurant. I never thought I’d see myself doing that kind of work, but it’s better than my old job.”

“What was your old job?”

“I killed people.”

Ah, for whatever reason, that didn’t sound so bad. Probably because I was just hazy enough that I didn’t think much of it.

“I used to work as a therapist, myself. But I think I did more harm than good. It’s a real shame. I think I’ve done better for both mine and others’ mental health since I quit,” I droned on.

“Sometimes you just gotta say ‘fuck work’,” she replied.

“Yeah,” I agreed, then smiled. “Fuck work.

We arrived, and she let go. I managed to stand on my own. Already, I felt more clear.

“Say, would you like to meet my wife?” I asked, rather on a whim.

Remora looked around, then shrugged. “Sure. She’s still not here yet.”

I went up to the door, unsure if she had come home yet. I could have texted her, but I figured if she didn’t show up after I knocked, I’d have my answer. After my knock, she came up right away.

“Oh hey, look at you! You’re outside on your own!”

I nodded, a bright smile upon my face. “Actually, I ran into someone.”

“Oh? Who?” She leaned her head over. After she gasped, she turned back to me. “Is that the weird stalker lady?”

“No, but the resemblance is uncanny,” I whispered. “She’s friendly. Her name is Remora.”

“Oh!” She shoved past me and ran out to see Remora up close. “It’s nice to meet you!”

“Why?” Remora asked in response.

“Because if Ves says you’re friendly, you must be friendly!”

“You’re cute,” Remora stated. It could have been interpreted in a sarcastic manner, and yet it came out so plain as to be nothing more than a general statement.

“Thanks! So are you! So is Ves!”

Remora looked like she was about to get a word in, but before she could, someone came running up with a backpack on and a shopping bag in their hand. I focused on the figure, she was someone small, didn’t even look five feet tall. Her hair, dark green and wavy. Plus, she wore a sombrero over her hair. The creature didn’t notice my wife and I, and instead focused on Remora.

“Found you! And look! I got it! There was a dollar on the ground and I was able to get it! Still missing the throwing knives, though…” She looked down at the ground, as if she suffered a great loss.

“Good for you. Did you get the groceries?”

“Of course! They’re in my backpack! What have you been up to?”

Remora pointed her thumb toward me.

The girl (pardon me for referring to her as “creature” just a bit ago) looked over and gasped. “I was too late! You seduced them both!”

“What are you talking about?” Remora asked.

“Or...maybe it was those two who did the seducing!”

“I’m lost.”

Me too. Did I know her? Did she know Juniper and I?

She took off the sombrero and set it on the ground, then reached into the shopping bag and pulled out a blonde wig, then placed it on her head. The wig in question had pigtails. With furious motions, she pointed at my wife, then herself, then looked up at Remora and opened her mouth, but didn’t make a sound, just had it open wide as if she would have yelled had she made a sound. But as she looked at Remora, she continued to point at the woman beside me.

“What is she doing?” Remora asked Juniper and I.

We both shrugged.

“I think it’s called pantomiming?” Juniper suggested. “I’ll be honest, though: I was never that good at charades.”

“Yeah, me neither,” I admitted.

The girl looked furious, took off the wig, then undid the pigtails and tried to straighten up the wig. Then, she took out a pair of glasses from her pocket, put them on, and then put the wig back on. This time, she chose to point at me, just as furious.

Her finger, at first at me, then back at the one beside me, then she faced her thumb at herself.

“Is she your guys’ daughter?” Remora asked my wife and I.

We both shook our heads.

She tore the wig from off of her head, threw it on the ground and stomped on it.

“I can’t believe you guys!” She yelled at last, as I assume she had been holding it in. “That’s my cousin!” She faced Remora, then pointed once again at my wife. “Juniper Bark!”

Wait. Something dawned on me. But before I could say it, Juniper spoke up instead.

“Oh, I remember you! From the wedding, right? Demetria!”

“Bingo. And I came to stop you!”

“From what?”

“From stealing Remora! I saw her first!”

Juniper clapped. “Good job!”

Demetria blinked. “Oh. Thanks. I mean, I’m not actually into her. I just think she’s cool. Yeah. That’s all.”

What was with her demeanor? At one point she really was high-energy, like the impression of her I got from Remora suggested, but now she seemed stunned.

“Uh, well, anyway,” She looked away, embarrassed. Of her previous actions? Hard to say. “Juniper, your brother’s still a doctor, right?”

“In a sense!”

“Is he here? Can I talk to him?”

Juniper shook her head. “He lives at the same apartment he did before, Vespiquen and I just moved to a new one. Why do you ask?”

“I wanted to ask him what the condition was when you see this tall, strong lady and your whole personality changes and all you can think about is being in her strong arms and how hot she is. I was wondering if he could diagnose me.”

Juniper put her hand over her mouth and had a devilish grin on her face. “Ohoho, I can tell you that right now.”

“What? You can?”

“Mhm. I’m afraid it’s terminal.”

“What?!”

“Yup! And there’s no cure!”

“That’s horrible!” Demetria cried out.

I nudged Juniper and gave her a glare.

“Oh, all right,” Juniper relented. “I diagnose you with gay.”

“I can’t believe you! You had me in quite a shock! I’m going to remember this!”

Although the focus had been on Demetria, I shifted my attention back to Remora, to which a scowl was forming on her face.

“Ves.”

Startled, I asked, “what is it?”

“Does the name ‘Clara Waters’ mean anything to you?”

I took a minute to think about it, but then it came.

“Actually, yes. That was one of the names Rhea had used.”

“Figured as much,” the last syllable on her breath had a tinge of a snarl to it.

“Which city was it that she died in?” Was the next question from her.

“This one. Why?” She seemed to be piecing something together.

“I see.”

“Is there something that I’m missing, here?” Demetria looked at all three of us.

“Demetria,” Remora growled.

“Eep! Was It something I did? I’ll behave!”

“Can you wait for me at the airport?”

There was a definite anger to her voice, though it didn’t sound like it was directed at Demetria, but someplace else.

“Oh. Yeah. I can do that.” Demetria picked up both the bag with the wig as well as the bag of groceries that Remora had carried just a bit ago. “Um, see you later?”

Remora nodded.

I opened my mouth, curiosity or concern having overtaken me. “What is this about?”

“I’m about to find out. It was nice to meet you. Now I must meet a corpse.”

“Huh?”

“This was never about grocery shopping and the fact that I didn’t figure it out sooner disgusts me.”

That didn’t clear anything up for me, but what was clear was that she was about to take off.

“Um, before you go…”

“Yes?”

“Would you like to be friends?”

“Why?”

“I think it’s what Rhea would have wanted.”

It felt rather manipulative of me; a dirty trick. Even if that was the case, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her that the reason was that I saw it as a second chance for me. To befriend someone so similar to Rhea.

“What does this person’s wishes have to do with me?”

Oh no. Her words sounded hostile. But then, she let out a sigh.

“All right. Fine. I’ll put your number in my phone.”

“Ooh!” Juniper jumped up. “Me too!”

“Ladies, one at a time.”

After she entered our names into her contacts, we waved goodbye to her. It was somewhat of a relief to see her off, just as it was to meet her in the first place.

“So, that was interesting, huh?” Juniper observed.

“Mhm. Didn’t expect to run into Demetria, either. I thought she was pursuing her Master’s degree. Maybe she graduated already.”

“Oh! I didn’t even think about that!”

Juniper locked her fingers within mine, and the two of us went back into our apartment. The day had turned out to be quite overwhelming, though a large portion of it was a good kind of overwhelming.

Once we were both on the couch and curled up next to each other, I pieced something together of my own.

“Remora really was Rhea.”

“Huh?” Juniper looked up at me.

“Well, not the one that we knew. If I had to guess, I’d say it was similar to how I met another you once.”

Though such a thing wasn’t something I expected to encounter ever again. Still, there was no doubt in my mind; Even if I had deduced without total confirmation, since I believed I had an answer as to why I thought of Rhea so much around Remora, I also believed that was all the more reason to treat her as if she were someone new.

#wriitng #remoras full #old friends #enemies to friends #some minor reveals #stories #vesuvius #remora #rhea #demeter #lgbt #wives

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pixzie-writes · 5 years

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DMC: Anxiety/Insomniac Nights

A/N: I couldn’t sleep last night at all and thought I should write out a short fic for each of the DMC5 boys’ (Dante, Nero, V) reactions to their s/o having an anxiety attack and couldn’t sleep. x.x

Warning: Anxiety / depression themes in this work. It will be under the tags: trigger, anxiety trigger, and/or anxiety if you wish to blacklist it.

Dante

You thought you were just feeling under pressure from all the work you’ve been doing and yet still have some left to do. It almost feels like you have been taking one step forward and been pushed back four. It’s difficult trying not to let it bother you, but the voices in your head just keep coming, back to back. Breathing in and out, you shut your eyes tightly, Dante lying down next to you sleeping soundly. His snores, at first bothering you, are usually your comfort, lulling you to sleep, isn’t working this time. You wanted to wake him up and comfort you to sleep, but he has been so busy with demon hunting that you didn’t want to disturb his slumber, which has been days since he last slept.

Frustrated, you look at the time and saw it is 5:08 in the morning. There’s no way you’ll get any sleep anytime soon. Carefully slipping out of bed, you put on your robe that was hanging off the chair and wrap yourself in it. You eventually found your slippers in the dark and start to climb downstairs, deciding that perhaps some fresh air will help you meditate. You sit on the steps in front of the Devil May Cry headquarters, elbows on your legs and face buried in your hands, trying to take deep breaths. So many negative thoughts going through your head that you’re trying to counter it with positive thoughts. Eventually you look up at the moon, beautifully displayed up in the sky, and trying to focus on how the night seems to be quite peaceful besides knowing that demons lurk the most when darkness comes out to play.

“Mmm, can’t sleep?” a voice call out from behind you, doors quickly opening and closing. You hear footsteps shuffling lazily and, out of the corner of your eye, plopping down on the steps next to you. You shift your body so you can face him, smiling to try to reassure him only for your eyes to betray you. You sigh shakily, wrapping your arms around yourself to try to hold yourself together. Dante quickly wraps his arm around you, trying to help calm you down, knowing that you usually don’t like to talk about it. He’s a man that always joke around, but when he knows you’re not in your best, he gets into his serious stance until he knows you’re okay emotionally, mentally, and physically. You start blinking back tears to no avail and decide to fall apart with Dante trying to hold you together. He places his chin on top of your head, holding you tighter as he whispers, “Let it all out.”

Eventually, you calm down and you start to shiver. Dante takes off his red coat and hangs them on your shoulders, taking your hand to hold them. One free hand tilts your head upward from your chin until you make eye contact with him. His baby blue eyes staring right back at you and starts crinkling as he smiles. “Want to talk about it?” he wondered, his thumb caressing your cheek. You lean into his hand, shaking your head, and manage to croak out, “N-no... Just want you to hold me.” Dante nods in reply, one arm snaking under your legs and the other holding your upper body as he lifts you up. You lean your head into his chest, letting him carry you all the way back to the bedroom upstairs. He lays you back down on the bed, stripping down to his boxers again and cuddles with you, being the big spoon. He uses his fingers to softly caress your arms, occasionally stroking your hair until you’re sound asleep. Even then, he doesn’t stop, using one arm to prop himself up so he could watch you sleep. Whatever demons haunt you at night, he tries his hardest to keep them at bay.

Nero

You are out in the garage, lending a hand on repairing the mobile home. Nico is working the car from under while Nero is working from the hood. Not knowing much about cars or the mechanics of one, you were simply handing out tools, holding flashlight when needed, and learning a thing or two about the repair from Nero’s guidance. The mobile home often needs repairing and you need to at least know the basics. Kyrie is nice enough to lend her home as a “headquarter” of sorts for the mobile Devil May Cry while the real one is under the care of Dante. After the events at Fortuna, Nero decided to join in the franchise, taking care of missions on the road while Dante handles bigger jobs.

Eventually, you could smell the cooking coming from inside the house. Your stomach grumbles, your hands immediately flying to your tummy, embarrassed. Nero hears the grumbles, looks at you with a smirk, and chuckles. “Hey you three!” Kyrie calls out from the kitchen, “Dinner’s ready!” You smile, clapping Nero on the back, and said, “Well, I’m going to go help set up the table!” You’re not much use out here anyways. Nero nods and motions for you to go ahead, “I’ll catch up to you.” You go inside, Nico eventually following suit after making a comment of not saving a plate for Nero. You chuckle at their banter, helping Kyrie set up the table and with the plating. “Tell Nero to come in, you know how he gets lost in the repairs,” Kyrie requested, still working on the plating. You nod, turning on your heels and call out once more, “Come on, the food is getting co-”

“[Y/N], get back inside! Don’t come ou-”

You heard a crash and then the next a scream, making you bolt for the garage door. Your heart is racing as you open the door, see your boyfriend laying in the pool of blood face down. You ran to him, turning him over to face you, clutching onto him. He’s unconscious and still bleeding out, Nico coming out a few seconds later, “I leave you alone for 10 minu-”

“Not now Nico! Help me stop the bleeding!” You demand, trying to stay calm. Breathing in and out, trying to steady your breaths, you put all your focus on trying to make sure he survives.

A few days later, Nero awakes to find himself in a hospital bed. He groans in pain, taking in the surrounding. Beeping can be heard from the heart monitor next to him and an IV drip attached to him. He sits himself up, wanting to get out of bed until his eyes eventually lands on you, sleeping soundly in the chair. His expression softens, now trying to quiet down to avoid waking you up. Footsteps can be heard coming into his room and he looks up at the door to see Kyrie coming in with some flowers and a “Get Well” balloon. She sees that he is awake and smiles, “Nero, you’re up,” she whispers. “Yeah... how long was I out?” he asks.

“A couple days... she never left your side...”

Several seconds passes by and you begin to stir, awakening to find Nero already up. You leap out of your chair, leaning over him and caress his face, “Nero!” Kyrie clears her throat, sets down the flowers, and informs, “I’ll give you two some privacy.” She walks out with you watching her then looks back at Nero, tears forming. “I was so scared Nero.... I thought I’d lose you,” you admit. You don’t like being vulnerable often, but with him, you’re comfortable enough to express exactly how you feel. Nero shushes you, using his hand to bring your face closer and presses his forehead against yours. “It takes more than that to take me,” he jokes, trying to enlighten the mood. You sob, pushing him away playfully to try to go along, but your sob is real.

“Don’t scare me like that... Gosh, I feel so selfish... I was so scared. I kept dreaming that I lose you for real an-”

You start to hyperventilate a little and Nero pushes in for a kiss, trying to calm you down, shushing you. He may often seem cocky and a bad-boy, but he is very sweet with his words. “You are not selfish,” he reassures, “It’s okay.... I’m still here. You saved me, babe...” You smile, kissing him again and sighing, trying to calm yourself down. After recollecting yourself, he motions for you to get into the bed with him. You obliged, carefully getting in the bed and cuddling with your head on his chest while his good arm wraps around you. “You know,” he says, after giving a moment to settle in, “When we go home, we’re taking a shower.... because you stink.” You laugh, punching him playfully on the shoulder and then kissing his neck. Nero slips back into his deep sleep with a smile on his face.

The tattooed man is on the couch of the mobile home, reading his book as you were asleep soundly on his lap. He dares not to move, Shadow sleeping at his feet and Griffon outside keeping watch of any demons that may lurk. You were exhausted from helping Nero and V clear some demons and some Qliproth roots. Nero went ahead to scout while Nico went to work on some new devil breakers, saying something about looking for some materials she could find around the destruction of Red Grave City. That meant leaving the mobile home to the two of you. V looks down at you, sleeping soundly on his lap with a pillow propping your head up with a blanket draped over your body from shoulders to your feet. He decides to caress your cheek softly, trying not to stir you up. It isn’t his touch that was stirring you up, though. No, it’s the recurring nightmares that you’ve been getting every time you try to rest up. “N-no.... please...” you start to whimper, causing V to become concern and place his hand on your shoulder. He is hesitant to try to wake you up, not sure if you’ll mistake him for a nightmare and hurt him.

“Please....” you say, almost pleading, burying your face in the pillow.

“Darling...” V gently tries to wake you up by rubbing your shoulders. Shadow sticks his head up from resting on his paws, emitting a gentle growl. You start sobbing and then few seconds later, shouted, “Leave him alone!” V shakes you awake, “[y/n], wake up!” You finally open your eyes, your breath unsteady, and slowly sitting yourself up with V helping you. You wipe your forehead with the back of your hand, noticing that you were sweating a little and wiping the tears from your eyes. Lowering your head, you didn’t want to turn around and let him see you at your most vulnerable. “Love...” he calls out, not sure if he should hold you. He’s so respectful of your boundary and the relationship is new to the two of you.

Eventually, you turn around and bury your face in his chest, wrapping your arms around him. He is obviously not used to being shown affection as often growing up, slowly putting his arms around you as well. He waits patiently, letting you take your time to talk about your nightmare. A few minutes later, you pull away from the warmth of his body, his hands still on your shoulders as you pull yourself together. “I.... I had a nightmare...” you began. V doesn’t say anything, letting you explain what you’re comfortable with sharing.

“We were fighting Urizen... Everyone’s just on the ground and it was the two of us fighting him, trying to hold him off. You told me to grab everyone and get them to safety. I had to do it one by one and then some time later, your bird started helping. I-I turned around to help you and....”

You are trying so hard to hold back tears, V’s hands went to your face to wipe away any that falls. You take a deep breath, finishing the rest of the dream.

“He took you, V.... Urizen, he.... I felt so helpless, trying to stop him from hurting you. You were dying right before my eyes and....” You start sobbing, burying your face in your hands and V quickly pulls you in, holding you tightly. Shadow brushes his face against your leg and you can hear the Griffon flying around and shifting, coming inside the mobile home. “Shh, shh. It’s just fiction,” V comforted, stroking your hair, and you can feel his jaw lock. Tension. The nightmare bothered him too, hearing it from you, but your comfort comes first. He pulls away, trying to get a good look on your face and leans in, brushing your lips with his as if he’s asking for permission. You lean in, pressing your lips against his, his arms cradling your body. A few seconds later, the both of you pull away, your worries easing a bit. You smile at him, holding his hands and squeezing it, asking, “Can you read me a few poems from your book?” V nods, taking out his book, and replied, “As you wish, love.”

A/N: Whew, that was long. I hope you like it! Let me know if you want me to expand on some more characters or something. ^_^

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