#ive talked about it in the tags before but guess what im doing it again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

isdalinarhot · 1 month

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on the state of kholin haterism on tumblr

this is gonna be a long one, so bear with me.

one thing i think that has changed in the tumblr fandom in the three years that ive been in it is that the culture in 2021 was ALSO at a largely anti-Kholin sentiment, but there were two key differences.

the first is that most people making critiques of such characters would use the tag #kholin critical, which was useful either if you were sensitive to criticism of one of the kholins for whatever reason AND if you wanted to read analysis of some of their faults by many different users under one tag.

the second is that said kholin critical criticisms were... less stupid? like a lot of it was talking about reddit fandom hypocrisy where dalinar was held up as righteous and badass and could do no wrong even though he had tons of personal and political faults that other characters (largely people who WERENT extremely powerful nobles) were demonized for. also a lot of stuff like "adolin is kaladins friend now but i dont think just categorizing it as simple enemies to besties is fair because adolin WAS being overtly racist to kaladin at the beginning there". a lot of discussion about how the Kholins treat darkeyes and characters of lower dahns where the bigotry there was being downplayed by fans in favor of the characters being painted both by fandom and in the universe of the books as Always Right All The Time. stuff like that.

that's not to say the whole kholin crit tag was all, like, stuff that isnt bullshit. people have been dunking on elhokar for being a whiny failking since the beginning of time. but the vibes were a lot different.

kholin critical kind of fell out of favor as a hashtag because most of us realized hey on a doylist level either the things we're criticizing the kholins for are purposeful character flaws that make for richer, more realistic, more engaging characters; or they're oversights from the moderate liberal Sanderson, in which case, why are we complaining about Dalinar doing this, when we should be complaining about Sanderson doing this. so this whole thing is stupid. and also by then the atmosphere on tumblr was way different, this was by and large the Moash Website and while people were haters about characters they did not put the hate in character tags so people largely avoided each others haterism. and there was peace for like a year and a half, i guess.

things are way different now. for context. i track the #dalinar kholin tag. so whenever my dash is dead im checking my tracked tags, and thus i see every original post about dalinar that someone decided to tag #dalinar kholin. and boy howdy, things have devolved. this used to be a chill experience for me, i'd see first time readers go OH MY GOD HE DID WHAT?????? during oathbringer and "[some philosophical shit dalinar said]" -brandon sanderson. follow for more inspiring book quotes" about three times a day, fanart once every couple weeks or so, stuff like that. but now a solid 75% of the posts in dalinars tag are like. hate. not literary criticism, but hate. sometimes about justified things, sometimes about unjustified things, but still, extremely negative.

in a bubble, that's fine. god knows ive been a hater on my blog before and ill be a hater on my blog again. and its not even like im opposed to reading well thought out criticism of my faves on any level because, like, dalinar is kind of a rat bastard! but like. listen. you don't put character hate in that character's tag. you don't do that. the people who are checking a character's tag are fans of that character and fandom is for fun. being a hater directly reaching out to the lovers for comment is rude as hell.

also a lot of the things people dislike about dalinar tie back to his neglectful fatherhood and his alcoholism which is, like, a thing i understand people would have strong negative feelings towards him for having because Neglectful Alcoholic Dad is like one of the top 10 kinds of abusive dads out there so lots of people have very visceral very personal experiences related to that. but when posting about this in any form whatsoever it feels like im having to go back to Treating Addicts Like Human Beings 101. like i feel like ive made a billion posts to the tune of "okay kids, you can do bad things while drunk and you are still responsible and you can also get drunk at inopportune times and you are still responsible, but the act of being addicted to alcohol does not make a character ontologically evil". and like thats. um. a personal thing but also oh my goodness.

i dont really have a conclusion to this. im just thinking goddamn its bleak out here right now.

#luke.txt #the stormlight archive #cosmere #dalinar kholin #just thinking #long post

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autumnfangirler · 12 days

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WIP Wednesday

its actually wednesday when i post this guys, its a christmas miracle. i got ganged up on by @hyper-pixels @localcryptic and @b33tlejules for my wips 😔 im gonna tag @heartbreakincident @idlenight @aurrieattorney and @musicismymoirail if yall want?

ive mostly got writing wips so far, i havent had as much time to work on art lately :') but! have these:

Chen: “Huh,” Ricardo says, looking at him thoughtfully as he starts heating up the leftovers. “Shouldn’t you be at home by now then? You always said training with Herald wore you out.” He shuffles enough to sneak a mournful glance at the microwave. Whether or not Caine notices is anybody’s guess. He just looks over his shoulder– the first time he’s acknowledged Chen’s presence. Ortega: “Huh.” Ortega takes the chance to shift closer, watching his leftovers heating up. Internally, he smiles. Prick. “Shouldn’t you be at home by now then? You always said training with Herald wore you out.” He never bought Caine’s complaints, of course. He still remembers the brutal efficiency Lycan had taken Daniel down with at the gala. At the very least, Caine was exaggerating how winded he was. Caine: “Huh. Shouldn’t you be at home by now then?” Ortega asks, moving next to them. “You always said training with Herald wore you out.” That wasn’t a lie. They never specified whether it was physically or not, and their head still aches.

this is the multipov fic i keep talking about, its probably one of my favourite, most indulgent fics ive worked on so far. look at these idiots. so many thoughts running through their head 24/7 and all of them are wrong. utterly fantastic to watch i love it so much.

also the rat king!! my girls!!!

this bit technically counts as spoilers for dunmeshi. i think. im gonna put it under the cut anyway since idk whos currently watching/reading it hsdjjf

"Your spell book," he says. The words are quiet, eyes boring into her bag. "What?" "Your spell book," he repeats, louder this time, nearly slipping on the blood as he takes a staggering leg up. "You've revived people using black magic before. You can do it again." "It's not bla- I mean, we don't have-" She chews on her lip. "... I don't have a spell for this. It only worked on Falin because we were in a dungeon. This is..."

some very rough dialogue for a fic i probably wont finish about marcille waking chilchuck up from a nightmare. ive seen versions of it with laios and falin, but i think with marcilles whole everything going on there her having to deal with chilchucks nightmare would be really interesting to explore. also because i miss marcille and chilchuck. my beloveds.....

#dungeon meshi #marcille #chilchuck #fhr #caine lynzal #ortega #chen #she illness on my mental till i draw #for once in his life chen knows the least about everything going on #hes just trying very hard to be civil with his not-quite-friend-dogpark-buddy while trying to figure out why ortegas being so weird abt him #the rat king drawing is part of something longer but lets be real #theyre the most important ones there #the nightmare fic is after the hippogriff episode so literally the first time marcille 'meets' chilchucks daughter its like. uh. That.#shes looking at the whole of chilchucks dream and internalizing everything into her 'death sucks ass' worldview

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cybercritterinyourcomputer · 2 months

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writing this on a whim because my brain is torturing me about it for some reason and i figured what better place to go than tumblr [this is somewhat sarcasm]. i do not particularly know why i am writing/asking this but im chucking it out there to ease the thoughts so i can go to sleep

to any systems or whatever or really anyone reading who found this through the tags i put here, how did you know you were a system. or plural or how did you start questioning it how did you figure it out. bear with me its past 2 am my writing is atrocious . how did you know if you never knew before?

i dont think im plural, but something wormed its way into my brain today or yesterday and i dont know why or when and and its not the first time this has popped into my brain i think. the thought of what if what if what if but im me. its my me it there its me its my thoughts and there is no other people in my brain just me myself and i. its not quiet it never is but it is just me

i think a clearer question i want to ask is: how can you tell if something is just dpdr[because i fear i may have that, unfortunately it is very likely] or this? this as in osdd or did or whatever

it would appear simple but unfortunately for a lot of my life my sense of self has been so broken and so messy because. fuck all everything happening i guess but its just me, truly. i talk to myself, i draw different versions of myself together, i split myself into many parts to cope with things, to highlight the different parts of me, variants. the wolf, the puppy, the robot, the hermit, the hollow, the dragon, and whatever the Me is i dont know who or what i am when im so many things and nothing at the same time. i didnt completely think about this but also how heavily i relate to certain characters in media but this may just be a nonhuman thing. i see so much of myself in certain characters and so much of them in me sometimes to the point where i dont know where i start and they end. but again i think that is just a nonhuman thing or a coping thing. because its still just me here

where does the age regression and nonhumanity start and where does it end when i rely on my creations of myself to keep me afloat. i only talk to myself through thinking and drawing, i dont talk to anybody else in my head, its all me. and unfortunately theres a pattern where i learn of something and i think about it and i go, "oh, no, no no, that is absolutely not me, never would dream of it! even thinking that i could be that is a crime to all the ones that truly have that!" and then it ends up being too true. the depression, the adhd, the age regression, the therianthropy, the hard denial of abuse, the hard denial of possible autism. my friends speculate i have ptsd or cptsd. i dont want to go down that line of thinking with this, i *know* i dont have it, but the fear

its annoying because ive never really been here present in my body im never really here and the horrors dont end and theres always been something wrong with me but i know its other things. i wont share the details, but the situation ive been in the past 8? months has been horrible horrid no good on my brain i hate being awake. and it feels like someone else took the reins but im still feeling the hurt i still have the memories but they dont feel like mine. my memories have never felt like my own but theyre mine and i have to write everything down or i will forget. i go to work i listen to family shit on me i go to work i do something all day but its not me im still in my room playing a game in my pjs but that was almost a year ago but im still there but i went to work but it wasnt me

because my mind is empty, its just me. it really truly is just me. i think im just lonely. and hoping someone could take me away from everything im always going through or for someone to be there. in my head

there was never anything to make me think this before, a couple times i have but years ago, for no reason, im quite sure its just me. i had imaginary friends as a kid which is normal for kids. i still kind of do but its just me talking to me, im saying two things. i think i just have a lot of possible trauma[i dont believe im traumatized but my friends are quite firm that my entire life has been a shitshow since i was born] and a lot of coping mechanisms plus the fact that i have to pretend for my family and me being trans and me being nonhuman and me so its mostly just that

i dont really know what exactly im even asking. i think im just throwing out a bone and praying for someone to go "yeah dude thats normal youre fine, youre normal" and for my brain to stop ruminating and its annoying. or for someone to ease my curiosity and fear and dread. im throwing out a bone, im begging for someone to glance my way, im begging for someone to tell me its okay. not the begging to be okay but to say that my brain is okay and that my life is okay

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mostlymaudlin · 11 months

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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

544,914. (again. woagh)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)

man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!

anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading!

i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.

ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.

that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3

#my writing

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sunnynoki · 6 months

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We don’t talk a lot - We haven’t talked in probably about a year or so now, since I left the fandom space we met in. I’ve changed usernames since then - I went by Wheat on discord. Sorry I’ve been so distant. I never knew how to talk to you since it’s been a while.

Even still, I want to tell you that you were important to me, and still are. I wish we could talk more. I want to talk about your new interests. What are you into these days? I’ve been getting into some older games these days, but I’ve been missing pokemon a bit. I want to get back into it. Do you still draw Sky? I never asked you about them with as much detail as I wanted to. I was always worried about being too intrusive, but I regret that now. Your OCs are really imaginative. I know you’re into tensura now, right? Season 3 is coming out soon. I’m excited for that.

I want to get to know you again. I don’t know what happened with whatever you left behind, and I don’t know if this is a weird message to send, but you’re important to me and I want to let you know that you are. I wouldn’t be who I am if you weren’t there in the beginning. Thank you for being you.

i dont know how to talk either. every sentence i say either feels fake or self centered, selfish. and dont worry about being distant; it happens, especially when interests change. i dont blame you.

youre important to me too. i wish we could talk more. im not into much right now. i just feel empty. i gave up su/bmas, after everything. it was too much, not knowing who i could trust not to fucking ship them, or think its ok in any circumstance. yet sometimes i still crawl back to the tag, despite blocking it a while ago. i dont touch anything though, just look. it doesnt bring me joy anymore. i think im finally letting it go. i dont know how i feel about po/kemon yet. its kinda just. there. maybe im just feeling particularly apathetic right now.

i don't really draw anything right now. i dont know if i can go back. it was my only hobby, yet my therapist said that it wasnt enough, even when i was at my lowest. well, at the time. ive set a new low score at this point. i dont want to draw. i don't know what id draw. i dont think i can. my computer is kinda a no mans land at this point. i don't really touch it anymore. im glad you liked sky though. i never understood why she garnered so much attention. i could never write a good enough character for her. she was a mary sue in that way, with no real character flaws, let alone the... everything else. either way, like i said, im glad you liked her regardless. it means a lot. the attention i got because of her made me really happy.

like i said, im not really into anything right now, but i guess tensura would be regarded as an "interest." im... looking forward to season 3. i read one of the light novels thats going to be adapted a month or two back though, so i guess its gonna be a moment before i get to "new" content.

i dont know if theres anyone to get to know anymore. i was already in a depressive episode before this disaster, now i dont know if theres any going back, if theres any way to recover. it isnt a weird message to send, and its appreciated that you care for me but. im not sure if i can trust anyone again. im not sure if i can even trust myself. even in the aftermath, the people i thought i could trust either no longer talk to me or still interact with those who hurt me. i guess its selfish to ask them to cut off those friends too. but ive always been selfish. self centered. egotistical.

regardless, im glad i had some positive impact despite my mess of a personality. thank you for your words

#noki's life story #asks #vent #i guess

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loycos · 2 years

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Lol can i plz have your Caitvi fic list?

haha, i wrote the tag asking people to ask for this list over a month ago and got that ask shortly after, only to go into my bookmark list and see that i have WAYYY too many saved in there. sorry it took a while.

There are a lot (A LOT) of piltover's finest fics, and a lot of them are good. this last year i've been FED like ive probably never been fed before in my life. that means i have a lot of bookmarks that i honestly don't remember much of other than "it good", but i wanted this rec list to include the fics that really left a (positive) mark on me. they aren't ordered in any specific way, and all are sfw. if you guys want my nsfw list, hit me up (i swear it wont take a month again)

Shadows at sea won't keep you from me - this is rated M but the sex is extremely vague. this one is very dialog heavy and is filled with inner vi monologue, however, it feels like a fresh take. I love the home-y vibes they give off here.

i won't let go (i left my baby teeth in your drawer) - caitlyn experiences a crisis in the shower. sounds like every caitvi fic you've ever read but i swear this one has something special to it. it feels really intimate in a way not many fics managed to capture imo, and caitlyn is written very in character.

High Tide Came and Brought You In - caitlyn's a mermaid, vi's a sailor. i'm usually not a person who actively seeks aus, especially not as extreme as this one, but this way such a sweet little thing, even i couldn't help but get swiped by the simple story.

Don't break the rules (maybe just for you) - "i hate aus! especially high school aus!" i scream again and again in every convo about fanfics i've ever had. so why is battle academia like my favorite caitvi au??? i don't know. makes no sense to me. i actively sought out this specific au tag, so i guess it makes me a liar too. what's so special about this one? idk, it has caitlyn and vi in it, it's well written and adorable, its a goddamn high school au, you know exactly what you're getting yourselves into. do be aware that BA!caitlyn is a different beast entirely than arcane!caitlyn, and so is BA!vi to an extent. (EDIT: i made it sound like im mad at this very cute fic, not my intention at all. this one is on here for a reason)

We Have Never Been Fairweather Friends- in the aftermath of the council's attack, caitlyn comes down with a mysterious disease, and vi is there to make sure she's ok. i, *cough*, might have talked about this one before. this might be my favorite fic, or top 2 at least. really good and in character writing, trippy and surprisingly authentic dream sequences, and a mystery that builds at a perfect rate.

Soaked with Sadness - caitlyn attempts catching jinx by herself, vi isn't too pleased. this is the other top 2 fic. the usual well-written-in-character compliment goes here, but also it's got that special brand of intimacy that i like, plus drunk caitlyn, and you kind of find out things in a non-linear way that make the story feel really... well crafted. i had to read it twice in a row cause i felt like i was missing things on the first go (might just be my dumb ESL brain tho).

the negative space and the pausing of time - aftermath fic. like author said, there are tons of those in the tag, and i have read probably all of them, but this one is really really good. the dialog feels especially flowy and snappy. kinda what i wouldve want to see in season 2, if arcane was just about angsty lesbians, which it sadly isn't. fics like this fill the void of the hiatus in my heart.

#fic rec #asks #piltover's finest #arcane

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littlegreenplumbob · 8 months

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People you'd like to get to know better - tag!

i got tagged in a tag by @calicosimgirl 😁😁 which is insane to me bc i consider myself just a little tumblr stalker who occasionally posts piccys of my sims. tysm💚 this is my first tag as im extremely new to actually frequently using tumblr so idk how to do these things so i really hope im right with how i do this

Last song you listened to:

safety pin by 5sos. i am obsessed with those guys<33 ive seen them live in concert once and i cant wait to do it again:)

also! blissful ignorance by foxhaunt. im seeing them at a gig in manchester next month after seeing them around on tiktok and this song? it just perfectly scratches my brain in all the right ways

Favourite colour(s):

green!!!! my irl nickname is littlegreengirl, i have green hair and the majority of my clothes are green. i just think its funky. i also wear a lot of black so i guess that too

Currently watching:

superstore! cant believe i never watched it before. and also the new disney+ percy jackson. i also love bad education, b99 and futurama. i am a chronic watch-till-youre-sick-of-it so anything ive seen before that i can just whack on and know its funny.

Last movie you watched:

percy jackson sea of monsters. ive been rereading the books and reigniting my passion, what can i say (even though i have thallasophobia weirdly)

Sweet/spicy/savoury:

savoury. bc i dont think there is anything better than gherkins 🤩🤩

Last thing you googled:

i think it was ‘average amount of teeth’ bc i was on facetime with my best friend and we fell into a rabbit hole of how many teeth people have. if youre wondering, i have 24 (and that is the least amount of teeth out of everyone ive asked???)

Currently working on:

i havent played my nsb save in a while since im back home from uni atm. i go bsck on sunday so im sure i will be back into sim mode the second i step foot on mancunian ground. ive been really interested in posting lookbooks as well, as soon as i figure out how to take ok quality photos and sort out my cc. but if youre talking physically working, im at work on my break rn and i have been slaying at making those big macs.

i fear i have exposed a lot of myself to some people who do not need to know this much about me. but i guess thats the point!!!! i think tags are very fun and if anyone wants to tag me in future ones, hell yea! lets see what other weird things i can google inbetween now and then

im not sure who else to tag as i mainly only follow cc creators haha - pls dont feel any pressure to respond or anything but id like to make friends on here:)

@mooneonthings @simfestation @fayethegray

#Spotify

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shadeslayer · 11 months

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I’m sorry, how is Killers Of The Flower Moon racist? I saw your tags on a gifset of Lily Gladstone as Mollie and was confused.

youre totally fine, dw! first disclaimer is ive not seen it, but also i dont plan to. i cant vouch for how racist the actual narrative within the movie, for me its more that its situated in a media landscape of films where i saw it advertised and i said to myself "oh i know exactly what that is :/ i thought we were done with this but i guess not"

theres a lot of stuff that i can ramble abt bc its very interesting and theres a million different ways this all plays out even if it all comes from the same source of anti-native thinking. but in particular w this movie its that i know it was gonna be trauma porn possibly mixed with imperialist nostalgia (aka mourning the loss of us/our culture even while actively killing and oppressing us)

there was a really good article i saw a while ago and shared some of the quotes from that talks about this movie specifically! i wont just repost the quotes i pulled before, but in particular for thinking of this movie and not movies in general:

I am not from the Osage community. The response from the tribe about the film, which looks at the events surrounding the deaths of more than 60 Osage people in Oklahoma in the 1960s, has been relatively favorable: many believe that this is a story that should be told, that it will raise awareness and do some good. I hope they are right. I hope something good comes out of this film. I hope the Natives who worked on it continue to have thriving careers and have the opportunity to make better stories for future generations. That doesn't change the fact that I walked into the cinema knowing that I was about to view several rich white men's interpretations of a violent chapter in Native history.

"Killers of the Flower Moon" opens up with a preface by Scorsese, who talks about how he's been wanting to make this film for a long time. He calls the project "proper and authentic." I am reminded of "The Revenant" and how it was praised for its authenticity and "respect." Authenticity is a euphemism non-Native filmmakers use for what Natives call "trauma porn." They think showing the absolute worst of what happened to us in grisly detail is somehow respecting us. The Osage in this film are described by Robert De Niro's character as "sickly people" whose time will run out. And sure enough, the first 30 minutes of film is a collage of dead Natives. As the film continues, hour after hour after hour, more Native men and women are killed off. [descriptions of various grisly deaths depicted in the movie.] Other than [one character being seen serenely walking into the afterlife], there is no moment of healing and catharsis for the Natives in the audience. Our wounds are reopened and left festering for the entertainment and "education" of non-Native viewers.

the full article is really good and i recommend it esp since its a relatively short read, and it really sums up how i felt seeing this movie being advertised and how im sure a lot of native people felt about it U_U

tldr generally is i cant say if the movie itself is like, terribly racist, but at the least it exists in a landscape where non-native media makers continue to find excuses to show native people being brutalized over and over again all while getting to say its because they "care so much" (if they cared theyd support n uplift native voices telling these stories) & native people are all aware of it and pretty much tired of it. so even the ones that may be doing good are, for many people (like my cynical ass lol), beyond the benefit of the doubt and at best are racist out of ignorance of the legacy theyre contributing to

#dont worry about liking or giffing the movie fr - its sooo good especially to see native actors & actresses get recognition and love #im just grumpy about The State Of Hollywood. and at least this movie is giving information abt a real life thing #and not trying to be 'progressive' with some made up colonial bullshit like last of the mohicans #anompolili #i hope this helps!! and fr dont like. take my grumpiness personally i just like to complain abt ntv stuff all the time on my tumblr xD

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mangopit · 1 month

Text

20 Writer Questions

ty @littlefirefox for the tag!! nice seeing the other folks you tagged too, fandom runs deep fr haha <3

1. Total number of AO3 works?

34! i haven't uploaded in so long ouurgh

2. Total AO3 word count?

103,336 :o

3. Fandoms I’ve written in?

oh boy, tons. and im too shy to talk abt a lot of them on my main blog lol, but throughout my life i've written for a lot of youtubers, bbc sherlock, rotbtd, atla, tlok, american idol, some disney shows, an anime, live streamers, musicians...

4. Top 5 Fics by Kudos

dhjdjhs again im too shy to list em directly, they're all rpf >:'D # of kudos: 519, 377, 341, 314, 305

5. Do I️ respond to Comments?

yes, i try to reply to all of them! tho i need to look at my inbox and check that i haven't missed any recent ones :')

6. What has the angstiest ending?

hmmMm on ao3 i have a drabble that ends in perceived unrequited love but i think my actual angstiest published story ends with 2 former best friends finally choosing to part ways. offline, i have stories that end in major character death 😬

7. What has the happiest ending?

oh! a delightful question! i think the one where the soulmates figure their shit out and finally confess their feelings for each other feels like the most triumphant ending that i can remember writing :)

8. Have I️ received hate?

not for my writing. i've received unwarranted constructive criticism before tho.

9. Do I️ write smut? And what kind?

yes sometimes but i've never posted it online 👁👁 and idk "what kind" means... gay i guess???? loll

10. Do I️ write crossovers?

yes! i don't think i've posted anything online but rise of the brave tangled dragons is one of my longest loves.

11. Have I️ ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of 😳

12. Have I️ ever had a fic translated?

no but i would be honored if anyone offered! :')

13. Have I️ ever co-written a fic?

i've initiated "finish the fic"s before, but i've never co-written a fic in the traditional sense.

14. What is my all-time favorite ship?

OH hmmm idk if i have one. maybe sh****** just bc of how long and intense my obsession was for it lol

15. A WIP I️’ll never finish?

i have a bbc sherlock fic that was well-received but i just can't imagine finishing it bc my writing has changed so much, i never had a direction for the story, and i don't really like how i wrote the characters.

16. Writing Strengths?

i'm good at eavesdropping on imaginary conversations between people who exist solely in my head so i think im good at whipping out dialogue, lol. i also pride myself on writing realistic, complex emotions and digging into the deeper, more hidden thoughts of characters.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

i think i get so excited about writing my favorite bits i have planned that i rush the pacing of my stories or i force plotpoints that don't make too much sense and can probably be cut. i've been trying to combat that by indulging in the first draft—letting myself write all the exciting, wild ideas i have first before revising and fine-tuning the story to my standards!

18. Do I️ like foreign language dialogue?

yes? no opinion? i don't think i understand this question.

19. First Fandom I️ wrote for?

i think it was american idol >:)

20. Favorite fic Ive written?

wahhh like lynn i find it super hard to choose bc my writing is such a reflection of my interests and general mindset at the time! plus i still love my most busted writing bc i have such a warm appreciation for who i was and how i've improved. buuuuut for whatever reason i'm very proud of this one friends to lovers fic on my ao3 that's set during the wintertime~ i think i was able to get the pacing just right, emotionally and plotwise, and everything just makes sense, and the ending is so satisfying. it's a very solid fic for when i wrote it, and i am very happy to write a simply solid fic :)

thanks again lynn for the tag!! tagging: @farklelucas @26velociraptors if you want + any other ficwriters who would like to do this! (lol gretchen i can't even remember if you post on ao3 ermm)

#tag #woohoojazelyn replies #littlefirefox #long post

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okthatsgreat · 1 year

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new opddmh updates..... like. three of them. crazy. haven't been keeping up as well as usual (acting stuff and work tag teaming my free time and absolutely destroying it) but i have finally started to binge and i truly truly love what u r doing w makoto and miu. so different but still connecting on an in-depth level and balancing eachother out ....... sometimes a relationship is an ex-reality show killing game figurehead and the world's worst teenager fresh out of the hospital against the world. do u have any insights on the way u write relationships and connections or just them in specific that come to mind bc oh my god. please do tell

HELLO AGAIN :]!!! AND HAHAHAH THATS ALL GOOD ive been so busy also FINGERS CROSSED IM ABLE TO GET MY UPDATE SCHEDULE ON TRACK LOL

TALKING ABOUT THIS FIC!!! :] big ole ramble down below lol

(i use the word "partner" a lot here but just know i am not referring to strictly romantic relationships lol)

OHHH GOD. relationship writing advice HMM HMMMMM. it really is very complex bc there are SO many different types of relationships that can be written about ghfdgjh so advice definitely varies!!! i think something helpful that i've learned is that unless you are purposefully examining power dynamics it always helps to view both sides as fully realised characters. very very rarely do you want to have a character who is solely there to agree with their second half and have no personality or history outside of this. i see this happen a LOT with romantic pairings but it's also an important note for platonic pairings as well!! ESPECIALLY if the main focus of the story is on this specific pairing-- it shouldnt feel like one person is a human being while the other is a cardboard cutout whose only purpose is to be there for their partner. again there ARE a few exceptions to this and how it is portrayed but its the main rule i like to stick to!! :]

if i feel like ive written a character who is solely there for their partner something immediate i go to is giving both characters something that separates them!! most of the time this includes fleshing out a backstory thats different from their partner, that might influence the way they see things within the narrative. give them a different hobby, maybe a different friend group! give them a different perspective on the events that are unfolding, a different way of coping that might not be beneficial to their partner!! and remember that it is OKAY for them to not agree on everything!!!! do not be frightened into thinking you need every single relationship in your story to be perfect and unproblematic and completely agreeable, especially for longer narratives that call for conflict

OH AND IN REGARDS TO FANFICTION... piece of advice i try to follow is donttttt try to mold characters into entirely different people just so they can stay happy and agreeable with their partner lol. if theres tension theres tension!! if theyre petty then theyre petty!!!!! even if there isnt conflict and youre writing fluff, you dont have to erase their personalities just to fit them together as a happy couple! sometimes the challenge in writing comes from finding what happiness means for that specific character/pairing, and that may be very different from the typical idea of romance/happiness!!

AND NOW ON TO MAKOTO AND MIU first of all. i am so sorry for making you read paragraphs upon paragraphs of me just rambling nonsense at you GHFDKGSH BUT I APPRECIATE IT!!! and second of all this technicallllyyyy is advice i guess but its WAY more specific now!!! lol

anyways when it comes to writing their relationship most of their dynamic is based off of their differences! opddmh miu is brash and loud, and even though she is trying more and more to filter what she says she still speaks before she thinks and grows restless very easily. opddmh makoto on the other hand cant afford to be brash and loud and thinks quite a lot before he says anything, and is lot visibly calmer. so its fun examining how their differences are able to influence the other throughout the fic!!!! miu NEEDED that calming influence considering the state she was in when makoto found her, i quite frankly have no idea where the hell she would be now if makoto hadnt been so patient and understanding ghfdksghkf. makoto on the other hand is a man chained down by responsibility, so much so that his life has become extremely dull in his eyes just because of how repetitive it has started to become. miu is a serious change to this and offers him some kind of purpose while also reminding him of not only how SCARED he was as a teenager first exiting the simulator but also how unrestrained he had been before the years went by. theres a balance there!!!

but at the same time, there ARE some similarities. theyre both a bit paranoid, and even if miu is more willing to be vocal about her distaste theyre both scared of danganronpa as a company. they also both strive for some kind of peace, even if they have different versions of it-- makoto wishes to be unburdened by the weight of responsibility and his Ultimate Hope persona while miu wishes for stability in her relationships with others, even if she just isnt the best at it. its why i like writing small moments such as the two of them just sitting in the car and chatting or the most recent moment where theyre not talking at all but are still comfortable in each others company-- they dont explicitly tell the other that theyre super happy and at peace but they both subconsciously understand :)

OKAY CUTTING MYSELF OFF!!!! GFHDGFDJ THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <33

#ask lee #kozuelovemail #opddmh

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faunandfloraas · 6 months

Text

thank you to Karolina for tagging meeeeeee @inloif

Do you make your bed? Most the time, yes! Because I have a cute, very grannycore bedspread and some cute throw pillows so I like to see it made up and it makes me more likely to actually open the blinds and let the sun in.

What’s your favorite number? 12. Genuinely no reason why.

What is your job? Nothing official. Unofficial.... well maybe theres been a cashy once or twice lately, who knows not me.

If you could go back to school, would you? If I could go back in time, I would- but at this very minute? no. i dropped out of hs because *undiagnosed everything so if I could have, yk, ever accessed help that would have been nice lol

Can you parallel park? I'd prefer not to.

A job you had that might surprise people? idk- aged care? none of my jobs have been very weird or random, so

Do you think aliens are real? 🛸 I WANT TO BELIEVE

Can you drive a manual car? Yes. For 33 whole seconds before I blow up the clutch and destroy the car.

What’s your guilty pleasure? Well. Thats for me to know and to not inflict on my lovely kpop pals 😇

Tattoos? No I'm too indecisive I cant even get a haircut 😭 i like them on other people, though!

Favorite color? depends on the time of day and what stage the moon is in- but like Im always a fan of pics and browns and greens and yellows and

Favorite type of music? Once again. I cannot ever land on a favourite.

Do you like puzzles? Uhhhhhhhh? I think im too adhd for that.

Any phobias? Im a bit scared of heights but not phobia scared.... hmm nothing else really.

Favorite childhood sport? baseball. which didnt exist here and no one cared about and was weird for me to be into since I cared naught for sport, generally.

Do you talk to yourself? Yuh. Incessantly. I do voices and stuff. Inherited it from my mother actually, so it's her fault.

What movies do you adore? Uptown girls, Imagine me and you and moonlight are all films Ive seen multiple times and have enjoyed everytime so those I guess :)

Coffee or Tea? Both! I love them both. idk I guess Iced coffees my number 1 girl but I have been havin tea every morning lately now its colder so.

First thing you wanted to be growing up? long haul truck driver is the main thing I ever remember really thinking Wow. that'd be so cool. ???? i wanted to sleep in the truck, particularly? and as I have said before, I believe I should have been a gay truck driving 60 yr old man named big Al but the universe had other plans, I guess.

this was fun! I tag any and all moots or followers who would like to do this, I'm always happy to learn things about you guys :)

#tag game #i appreciate that this had some different questions!

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streamafterlaughter · 2 years

Text

Fundamental Differing

Chapter III: Bleed the Freak

masterlist | playlist | chapter II

summary: you continue getting used to your circumstances, staying strong willed in the fight against the one thing you want.

tags/warnings: adult themes, excessive drinking, angst, rockstar!eddie x rockstar!reader, gnc!reader, slow burn, heartbreak

a/n: am i destroying your lives with how sad these two idiots are yet? hopefully ch IV will be out much sooner, im already writing it. this one is a lot of filler but y’all need to learn what happened in the time gap somehow! Disclaimer: I do not give permission to have my work reposted on other sites. Reblogs are more than welcome, but please inform me if you find my work elsewhere unless otherwise stated. reblog to support the author!

June 1986

“Tada!” Eddie gestures to your new bed frame, shoved against the wall of a brand new trailer in Forrest Hills.

“You sure you want this? We’ve only been together for six months. What if we hate each other? What if-“

“Sh, sh. Babe, if I didn’t want this, I wouldn’t have done it. C’mon, now.” Eddie grabs your mattress from against the wall. “Help me move this?”

You grab the other corners of the mattress, heaving it onto your new frame. “Wanna try it out?” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows at you, and you make a show of rolling your eyes before shoving him onto the mattress, still without any sheets.

Present Day

Your POV

“So-“ “Um-“ You both speak at the same time.

“You can-“ “You go-“

You both laugh dryly, then fall to an awkward silence. You break it first, “Look, you shouldn’t feel like you have to talk to me, I don’t know what Steve said, but-“

“Y/n, if I didn’t want to talk, I wouldn’t.”

You nod, a little embarrassed.

“How’re you doing?” You ask him finally.

He raises an eyebrow at you, genuine confusion written on his features. “How am I doing? That’s a stupid question.” You roll your eyes. This is the most you’ve spoken to him in years, and none of it is substantial. You squirm under his glare, suddenly very aware of your shoes.

“Look, I’m not happy about it either, seeing you has brought up a lot of unwanted memories.”

“Unwanted?” You almost think he sounds hurt.

You nod, your lips pressed together. Icing Eddie out is the only way you see yourself making it through the season. “You think I wanna drag up all our dirty laundry on my first big tour? It’s not like we ended things too amicably. This shouldn’t be at the forefront of my mind right now.”

Eddie shrugs, his arms crossed over his chest. “I didn’t know you still felt so strongly.” You can’t tell if he’s putting on an act, or if he’s finally over you.

“Well, how do you feel?” You shouldn’t care. You should stop talking to him right now, actually.

He shrugs again. “Album cover kinda threw me for a loop.” He chuckles nervously.

“I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.”

Eddie snorts, but he doesn’t look amused. “How’d you imagine me finding out, then?”

“You wouldn’t have been anywhere close to me, for one. I dunno, I pictured you watching MTV or something, or seeing it at a record store and falling to your knees.” You try to joke, but he doesn’t laugh. “Something less immediate, I guess.”

“So you’ve been thinking about me?”

You groan, “I didn’t really have a choice, considering the subject matter.” Eddie looks at you, worry carved into his forehead. “You haven’t listened to it yet, huh?”

“Should I be concerned?”

It’s your turn to shrug. “Depends on how you receive it, I guess.”

“That’s not reassuring.”

You take a sip of your drink, willing it to get you drunker. “I’m not trying to reassure you. I don’t need your feelings on my conscience.” It comes out harsher than you intend, and Eddie winces at your words. You don’t take them back though. The further you can push Eddie away, the better both your chances for a good tour are, you’re convinced.

“Right, well, I’m gonna go.”

You nod. “I think that’s a good idea.”

He turns, throws the door open, and saunters out of the green room. It takes everything in you not to break down.

Eddie’s POV

Ouch. Eddie isn’t sure what he expected, but he can feel his hopes crash down. His heart sinks to his stomach as he wills himself back into the crowd. No one’s around to guard him, and he lets the fans swarm like locusts, ready to eat him alive.

“Hey, HEY! Back up, move aside!” Steve comes galloping from the far side of the room, wiggling his lanky limbs between sweaty bodies as they fight to reach the tips of Eddie’s fingers, or the ends of his hair. “Eddie, man, what the fuck are you doing?! You need to tell a guard, or me, when you do this shit!” Steve’s shrieking over the screaming girls surrounding him. Eddie ignores his protests, snatching markers to sign tickets, posters, and any pieces of skin offered to him. It doesn’t fill the void in his chest, the one you’d left when you ripped his heart out, but it’s a welcome distraction. It feels good to mean something to these strangers without having to give a shit about them in return.

Just as Eddie’s thoughts are about to pull him under, Steve yanks his wrist out of the mob of people, and into a seat at the bar. “Nope, no, Eddie’s not signing things right now, you gotta go.” Steve shoos the remaining kids away, while Eddie waves at the few that catch his eyes. “Are you suicidal?” Steve sits back into his own stool. Eddie avoids the question, biting his bottom lip until he tastes blood. “Oh my god, are you suicidal? What happened?”

Instead of answering right away, Eddie waves the bartender down, and orders his fourth whiskey of the evening. The room is only slightly spinning, Eddie knows how to hold his liquor. He’d rather face the consequences tomorrow than have his mind stuck on you all night, the words that flew from your tongue and right into his heart, somehow breaking it all over again.

When she returns with his drink, Eddie hands the bartender a five, sending the busty brunette a wink. She giggles at him pathetically, leaning into Eddie to whisper in his ear. He nods his response, whispering back to her before she skips away, a shit eating grin on her face.

Steve can’t help but sit there, mouth agape, eyes wide. “What?” Eddie asks, almost innocently.

“What the hell was that?”

“She told me when she gets off, I told her she could help me get off.” Eddie shrugs. When she returns, she slides him a piece of paper with her number scribbled on it. “Thanks, darlin’. I’ll be sure to call.” He’s grown used to the attention from people, fans of not. It’s easy to get into bed with someone when there aren’t strings attached. Eddie hasn’t let himself love since losing you. On tour he chooses to fill his spare time with meaningless sex, trying his best not to picture you on top of him instead. But he’d never say that out loud, even to Steve.

Steve can read Eddie like a book, though. “That shit isn’t healthy, man. It’s not my business as your friend what you do or who you do it with, but as your Record Label Assigned Babysitter for this tour, it’s the first thing I need to watch out for.” He tries getting Eddie to look at him, but his eyes are behind him, already signaling the bartender to bring him a fifth drink. “Alright, that’s it. I’m cutting you off.” Steve yanks Eddie’s free arm as hard as he can, managing to bring him to his feet.

“C’mon, big boy, let me play a little longer.” Eddie whines, making a scene of grabbing for the counter.

Steve only rolls his eyes before tossing another three dollars onto the bar, and begins dragging Eddie back towards the dressing rooms while shielding him as best he can from the crowd.

You POV

It’s 3AM when you and Robin finally swing your hotel room door open. “That wasn’t so bad!” Robin exclaims, ripping her tight t-shirt over her head in favor of a much baggier one. You do the same, ripping your dress from your body like you’re unwrapping a christmas present. Once you’ve pulled up your shorts, you climb into your bed, facing Robin as she mirrors your position.

“It was kinda bad.” You mumble, avoiding her gaze.

Her eyes widen. “Do tell?”

You sigh, knowing this will probably all reach Steve by lunch tomorrow whether Eddie tells him or Robin. You decide there’s nothing worth dancing around it. “I talked to Eddie.” Robin’s mouth falls open, but she doesn’t interrupt. “Not for long, not really about anything. I think I might’ve been a bit mean. I told him I didn’t care how he felt about the album.”

Robin’s quiet for a second, hopefully not completely judging your character. “I think you do care. Immensely.” There’s no hint of sarcasm in her voice, she’s simply telling it like it is. And of course, she’s right. “You told me yourself, when we were writing Decay With Me, you didn’t want to hold him back from his dreams, right? So you never told him about us getting signed to Sub Pop.” It rips you apart hearing Robin’s gentle voice give you such a harsh reality check.

“I know, and I still stand by that decision. I’m sure he’s grateful for it.” It hurts to speak the words out loud, but you mean them. Eddie deserves to be the rockstar he was born to be, and you were only ever holding him back. Getting signed was an excuse to leave, but telling him that would have had him trying to make it work between you two. If you were being honest with yourself, you wanted the space from him, too. You’d wanted to find who you were outside of Eddie, beyond your relationship with him, and all you’d discovered was that you’d made a huge mistake.

Eddie’s POV

He hunches over the toilet of his hotel room, making noises he’d previously only heard in horror movies. He can usually hold his liquor, but all the whiskey combined with his conversation with you has left him drained and sick. Luckily, he has the hotel room to himself, and plans to use that to his advantage. He pulls the bartender’s number out of his pocket. When he can’t read the numbers, he tosses it in the trash.

When the room stops spinning, Eddie rises from his spot on the floor, heaving himself to his feet. He barely makes it to the bed, where he flops down onto the mattress, still fully clothed. He lands on something sharp, and rummages around in his jacket until he pulls the CD out of his pocket. Eddie inspects it again, willing himself to open it. Instead he flips it over, and reads the track list.

Decay With Me

Choke On It

Underneath Hell

Pretty Boy

Indiana

Broken Brain

Tighten Up

Skin Deep

Smell Her On You

Tinnitus

Going Home

He reads them over and over again, theorizing what they could be about before he plays the album. He’s not even sure he wants to listen, if he’s ready for the words you could’ve written about him. He’s written his own, about you, masking his feelings in analogy and imagery, but you’ve always been unafraid of saying exactly what you mean. He knows it will be the reality check he needs to really get over you, but he wants to keep his grip on the false hope for as long as he can. He shoves the album into his suitcase, willing his brain to forget about it for now.

“Up and at ‘em, big guy!” Steve barges into Eddie’s hotel room early, rousing him from another dream about you, or nightmare about the Upside Down, immediately making him aware of the intense pounding in his head. He throws his pillow over his face and groans as Steve busies opening the shades. “C’mon, man,” He yanks the comforter off of Eddie, pulling another frustrated growl from him. “You have press all day today, or did you forget that when you were drowning yourself in liquor?”

“Just give me five minutes and another whiskey, I’ll be good as new!” Eddie whines into the pillow. Steve exhales as Eddie rolls over, hands resting on his hips as he makes sure Eddie commits to standing up.

“Are you able to function?” Steve’s tone is stern, and guilt settles deeply into Eddie’s chest.

“Yeah, man. I’m good.”

“What the hell happened last night?”

“You walked me to my fuckin’ death is what happened.” Eddie spits as he enters the bathroom to splash water on his tired face.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/n wanted nothing to do with me. Told me they don’t care about,” he air quotes, “‘my feelings.’”

Steve looks at Eddie with genuine sympathy. “I’m sorry, man. They’re gonna be a lot harder to break than I thought. Just know they didn’t mean that.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I should’ve known better than to listen to you.”

“You can cry about how I’m the devil on our way to the interview, let’s go!”

“The devil would let me have another drink.” Eddie mumbles, gathering his clothes from the previous night.

“Not gonna happen!”

Your POV

The shoot for Spin Magazine is hectic, with stylists and makeup artists bustling around you like a glamorous pit crew. Right now, you’re in clothes you’d wear everyday; an oversized flannel, a Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt, a long black skirt, and big, thick boots. Despite the comfort of familiarity, the outfit is still purposefully exaggerated, but it’s nothing compared to the dress waiting for you on the rack.

You try your best not to squirm while Harley does your makeup. She’s the one friend you hadn’t lost touch with from Boston. She’d made a point of insisting on being your personal makeup artist “when you make it big.” Though you’d snorted at her words only a decade ago, you kept your promise.

Harley moves on to Robin, patting dark red eyeshadow on her eyelids. You inspect yourself in the vanity, the mirror streaked and dusty. Something turns in your stomach as your thoughts escape you. Death Dance is still a relatively small name in your scene, even since getting signed. Having all of this attention on you is something you still can’t fathom. You wanted this, you do want this, but you’re not so sure you can handle the pressure. People are constantly watching you, some even waiting for you to fail.

“Y/n?!”

“Yeah, hi, what?” You’re snapped out of your spiral before you get too stuck, knowing it’s a breakdown you’ll return to later.

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for like five minutes!” Robin waves her hand in front of your face, and you don’t even blink. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I'm great! Let’s get this show on the road!” You shrug your shoulders, shaking off the weight stuck on your back. Sylvie comes up behind you, clasping their hands on your shoulders, and you relax at their touch.

“You got this. Let’s go look sexy!”

The rest of your bandmates agree with piercing cheers, and you join them.

Eddie’s POV

“So, on your new album Freak Show, there’s a song titled Sweetheart. It’s far different from the rest of the tracks, a calming break before the climax of Severed Thumb and Wiped Clean. What influenced this mood change?”

The interviewer is a young girl, probably in college. She’s wearing a light blue blouse, buttoned all the way to the top, and a pair of white jeans. She sits across from Eddie in their dressing room, as he waits for CC to be called for their shoot. Eddie bounces his leg nervously, jonesing for a cigarette.

“Uh, well,” he laughs timidly, “Sweetheart is about someone that was once very close to me. It’s about love and loss, and a whole shit ton of heartbreak, and the one person that never made me feel like, the freak, y’know?”

The girl nods, scribbling something on her notepad. “Do you still talk to this person?” She’s not prying for explicit information, unlike plenty of interviewers Eddie’s experienced.

“That’s um, it’s complicated.” No. It isn’t. He doesn’t talk to you anymore, not on purpose. Beyond the failed conversation last night, Eddie doesn’t know if he’ll ever get to speak to you again outside of shop talk.

She moves on. “Who would you consider to be Corroded Coffin’s influences? Biggest inspirations?”

Eddie hates this question. He doesn’t try to make his music sound like anyone else’s, but originality is dead in the eyes of art, he’s learned. He humors her. “We’re all really big Metallica fans. Master of Puppets has a huge spot in my heart. Bands like Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails, and Alice in Chains were also on frequent rotation during the early stages of writing. Bleed the Freak is a masterpiece of a song.”

The interview continues, with Eddie trying his best to stay focused. He spots you walking down the hallway, past his room, dressed in a long tattered dress, your bandmates in suits of the same condition. He wonders how you must feel, being in the spotlight for real for the first time.

“Eddie, wrap it up, your turn for makeup.” Steve snaps him back to reality. Eddie sends Steve a thumbs up, and the interviewer says her goodbyes before shuffling out of the dressing room. As soon as the door closes, Eddie sends a shot of whiskey down his throat, and wills himself to continue the day.

chapter IV

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