#ive thrown all my shit away so its like Gone now. shes gone and thank god for it

[adulthooliganism]

im 2 whole days no smoking 😎 (chatting abt it a lil in the tags)

[sspidrwebz]

so theres this spidergwen fan song and let me fucking tell you guys

it goes. so fucking hard. oh my god. bloody fucking hell.

yapping under the cut

Where are the people whose love is unconditional Let family down, and they want me gone a criminal

holy shit?? family issues is a huge part of the reason im a gwen kinnie and just.. hit hard

Dropping the ball so much, it's wild, I'm in the game Then I remember multiverses know my name, uh

slay.

Not a photo, I'm a Ghost, go find me up in the air I'm a kid pro, I get in your head, there a big joke, never catch me yet

flow goes hard. lyrics go hard.

Tell me I'm wrong when I hear y'all say a hero is a person you want dead Moving so slow, when I win go next, saving all those who give no respect

the bullshit she goes through and nobody even thanks her or anything. spiderman is loved. miles is loved. why cant she be??

Demonize me in your mind Just one truth, it's yours not mine When I leave it's 'cause it's time To heal

this applies to so many communities in real life, its insane the discrimination. queer people, poc people, neurodivergent people, the list goes on. i think the last line is in reference to when she runs away, that hurt.

The hurt I've dealt with all these years To you must seem like teenage tears The ones I loved have so much hate For this side of me

ohhh god right in the heart. the biases between generations. the homophobia/transphobia coding...

I'm done with all the fear and pain, the sorrow, the sorrow I'd slam the doors and scream until you'd follow, but there's no lifeline I know I've made my choices, my mistakes over and over, over But I'll fight until I can't see a tomorrow to do it differently this time

its me its so me. such a common sentiment for any queer teenager honestly oh my god.

Doing my best all the time, and it ends up with them falling Always guessing does it count if I'm lost at my true calling

oh gwen baby... me too, relationships and trust issues it sucks ass

Maybe it changed along the way am I delusional? Bad for everyone, my actions always prove it all

this song reminds me of just how much i relate to her :[[

Let me sink 'till I'm too deep Keeping warm in memories If I go, one day you'll see What you've thrown away

its giving sad teen poetry, feels like she genuinely wrote this. i feel like ive written something very similar before.

[chorus] Think you'll stop me? Good or bad, it haunts me Past the point of caring, they see someone that's long gone in my face

fucking try to tell me gwen isnt trans when that latter line exist, tell me right now. i relate too hard to that one [im cis, i just mean it in a diff way]

Take the rules and bend them 'till I shatter them all Can't help it because

fuck the awful fucking rules man do what you need to, thats beautiful

[chorus]

-

anyways yeah im so in love with this song, thanks @halacg for this absolutely lovely and powerful piece

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] boutta send another ask before you can answer the previous ones.... bro girl (gnc) do you ever think about xiao post-teyvat... after lumine leaves..... like ive took an entire night just hours laying on bed once just to rot my brain on what's gonna happen after all that stuff i told u abt his ideal endinfg and shit i dont remember hhUEHAHAHAHGH BUT LIKE, THE CORE OF IT ALL that he learns and remembers lumine's words to heart; and there's the extra bit i said perhaps, on that time he won't have someone who had made his life a little better, no longer by his side, he would try to delve in a curiosity he had thrown away before. the desire to seek something new, something he used to have, put aside in priority for duty, and that he's not meant to indulge things like other living things do.

i love the thought that xiao takes the step of being in lumine's shoes, not entirely, but the mere concept of being a traveler. a wanderer. someone who's simply curious, who wants to explore what they've never seen. this is a life lumine is at her finest, other than the responsibilities she's weighed to. xiao would just want to Try and feel her experience. he'd leave liyue if only for a few days, still clinging to the thought of,... home? liyue finally felt like home than a place he's obligated to protect. and that's thanks to lumine too. his travels progress with ease with his own form of teleportation through the permit of wind, and he settles to visit,.. places. landscapes, nature,- to meet the people can wait later. for now, he's only here to explore and just... be.

it latches at the very center of my brain for weeks about post-traveler concepts like this like i DONT dig and do not like just outright Despise a xiao that misses lumine to the Extreme, someone to cling onto, because it defeats the purpose of him who's meant to be free and being able to choose. it doesnt mean anything about him forming attachments and loyalty, although hes still loyal to lumine in regards he sees her as a dear friend who taught him so much about life, the life he has and that he should cherish it. and he does, and will try, with all these little steps of moving forward without the hand that pulls you along. the people who cared for him who had been the hand that pushes along, will still push, but now all of his actions are made on his own volition. i just love that. i love that after lumine, he starts to live again. he slowly, but surely, know how to live.

so first of all "bro girl (gnc)" fucking SENT me im gonna cry why is that so funny to me i love that so bad

and second of all okay ngl i dont think about it OFTEN but i do. think about it. i Absolutely Do Think About It. and the way you've described it is flawless i have nothing to expand upon nothing to add no little comment to make im just. speechless. delving into the curiosity he had thrown away before. becoming a traveler, a wanderer. meeting people coming later, for now focusing on exploring, on seeing all that the world has to offer. still regarding lumine as such a dear friend. his actions being his own. learning how to live again. im going to lose my MINDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

not getting too close to mortals at least for a while at first, too wary of the pain he's caused them before, too aware of the degree to which he will outlive them (those from the chasm are exceptions, and he'll remember them for centuries after they're gone, even if only in fleeting thoughts). but meeting some of the other archons. becoming closer with other adepti. a small circle, but a circle nonetheless. <- cannot stop thinking about xiao and nahida eventually becoming friends dorry i had to say SOMETHING. its hard to imagine him and the wanderer as Friend friends, but i can see them crossing paths sometimes if they hadn't already met through lumine, realizing fairly early on that neither of them are human, working together pretty well whether in fighting or simple exploration. sharing a sort of wonder at the world, a deep will to be better, knowing what its like to exist solely for one purpose and knowing more still of what it's like for that purpose to leave them, to be taught how to exist without it, to further learn themselves how to exist without it. idk. very different people but a solid few similarities in their lives. xiao albedo friendship i hope i pray at least eventually idk i think they'd just Vibe.

still thinking about xiao and nahida as friends. xiao knowing a lot about various plant life and taking care of it, nahida teaching him the rest and filling in the gaps when he asks. learning how to sew. learning how to best care for the wildlife. learning how to use his hands gently. they're rough and calloused and for so long they existed to wield his weapon, nothing more, but now they make messy stitches and pat down the dirt around freshly planted flowers and ever so carefully pet the stray cats he sees in different cities. xiao is not a weapon. maybe he never was.

idont even know where my train of thought is anymore im just. im just. im just. o(-(

[champagne-bucky]

The Undoing: Two

Summary: The truth about a past life is unveiled.

Warnings: THIS IS A DARK STORY!! dark! Steve Rogers x reader, kidnapping, non con and dub con (or at least mentions of), dark! Bucky Barnes, Stockholm syndrome, grooming, mentions of pregnancy termination and suicide mentions (for one chapter), possibly more tags to be added!

Notes: Welp, it’s here. Hope you guys enjoy chapter 2. There is one more chapter explaining the background of the story and our main character. Hope you all enjoy!! Please make sure to like, comment, reblog, inbox, and follow me for more! Enjoy :)

PLEASE READ WARNINGS!!

*Eight Months Later*

You were in pain. So much fucking pain that you thought you were about to combust from the inside. The contractions started early in the afternoon yesterday. Steve was being stubborn and said that it wasn’t time yet and that the baby will be born on its due date. However, the baby was having other plans.

“Steve,” you tried to scream up to the kitchen. Hopefully he wasn’t out.

“STEVEEEEEEE,” you screamed as loud as you could. You didn’t even know what time of day it was.

Following your obnoxiously loud screams, you heard a series of footsteps from upstairs coming to the basement. The bastard at least gave you a cot to sleep on since you were getting bigger.

“What do you want,” if you weren’t in so much pain you would’ve notice how he barked at you.

“So much pain. I’m in so much pain. I think the baby is coming,” tears were in your eyes as another contraction hit you.

“Sweetheart, the baby isn’t supposed to be here for another two weeks. I think it’s just something that you ate and now your stomach is upset,” he tried to be comforting but in reality he was tired and annoyed you woke him up.

Just as you were about to say something, you felt a gush of water from in between your legs. You screamed out loud and Steve looked bewildered at the sight in front of him.

“Fuck, fuck, fucking shit, fuck. It’s too early. They aren’t ready,” Steve became frantic as he found the key in his pocket to unchain you.

To get up the stairs was a major dilemma. Every step was like climbing a mountain. Eventually, Steve got tired of how slow you were taking and just ended up picking you up and taking you out to his car.

He got on the phone and dialed up Bucky to meet him at the hospital. You found out that the two were never father and son. They were just posing as ones at work events and family parties that were being thrown. It was just all a scheme to get you.

The pain was doing a number on you. At one point you were finally able to fall asleep, but not until you heard Steve make another phone call.

“Hey, it’s time. Get them ready,” was all you heard from your kidnapper before you passed out.

_________

Hospitals were always a scary place to you. Ever since you were 16, you tried to avoid them as much as possible. Well, this hell hole might just work as your saving grace.

Steve had never taken you out anywhere, not even to get the baby checked by doctors. Knowing him though, he probably did all his evil deeds when he gave you things that made you sleep easier at night.

“When we get in there you so much as utter a single word about anything and I’ll make sure you’ll regret it,” Steve warned you before he ran in to get you a wheelchair. You couldn’t even register the feeling of fear for the wave of contractions hitting you.

Soon enough, you were in a hospital bed and were propped up on stirrups. The nurse had put an IV in you and Steve refused to leave your side. From what the nurses told you, you dilated really fast and baby Rogers wanted to come out now.

Never in your life had you experienced a pain worse than this one. The doctor and Steve yelled at you to keep on pushing, but you felt so numb you didn’t think you were doing anything. Steve squeezed your hand hard because he was getting impatient about meeting his baby.

Notice, his baby. He made sure that during this whole pregnancy that the baby you were carrying was his, not yours or ours. This was his way of breaking you down. Rightfully so, it was starting to work. During those months, you found yourself asking him to stay a little longer after sex. Asking him to hold you for a second longer. You didn’t think that you would succumb to the situation so easily. Well, now that the baby is almost here you need to do what’s best and protect it.

“I see a head!” The doctor yelled and she urged you to keep on pushing. “C’mon, Mama Rogers, just a few more pushes and you get to meet your baby!”

You couldn’t remember the last painful moments of childbirth until the tiny squalling newborn was being placed in your hands. The little babe was still covered in God knows what, but it didn’t matter. The little thing screaming and crying ignited a light inside of you that you thought had died a long time ago.

“It’s a girl! Congratulations mommy and daddy,” the doctor finished cleaning you up and another nurse took the baby girl to get cleaned up, your baby girl.

Steve still had a grip on your hand as he refused to leave your side. He stayed stoic when the doctor announced the sex of your baby girl. “I wanted a boy,” Steve mumbled before walking over to the nurses that asked him if he wanted to see the baby.

Internally, you smirked to yourself with the little bit of strength that you had left in you. He didn’t get what he wanted this time around. Steve Rogers would have to live with the fact that he couldn’t have the control on one thing in your life.

“Have we thought of a name yet?” A young nurse comes over to you and Steve.

“No, I’m going to need a little more time for that,” Steve answered before you got a chance to. As much as you didn’t want to raise a child, let alone Steve’s, you had thought of a perfect name for the baby.

“Well,” the nurse seemed unfazed by Steve, “we are gonna bring baby girl down to the nursery while we let momma rest. Want to bring some family over as well?” The nurse did not put her eyes on you once and only directed questions to Steve.

Steve left along with your baby girl. He gave you a “loving” kiss on the top of your head and gave you a warning glare. Once you were all alone you got straight to work, you pressed the nurse call button and hoped that the nightmare was ending tonight.

________

“There she is,” Steve tried his best to perk up while he showed Bucky the little newborn.

“She’s beautiful, Steve. Congratulations,” Bucky admired the adorable little girl squirming in her crib.

“Yeah, yeah, thanks,” Steve paused for a moment. That’s all he would need before he asked Bucky the worst possible question a new father could even conjure up.

“You want her,” Bucky snapped his head at Steve. He chuckled at first thinking that Steve was just nervous about fatherhood and all, but the face he made that went along with his question was completely serious.

“Steve, you can’t be serious now, what makes you wanna do that?”

“I don’t know. Just doesn’t feel right,” Steve simply shrugged.

“What do you mean? I’m sure Y/N isn’t ready to be a mother either, but you guys can work it out. I know you-”

“Something isn’t right...about her,” Steve looked at the baby.

Bucky was confused as he eyed up Steve and the baby that was being taken away by a nurse for feeding time with you. “Steve,” Bucky chuckled warily, “you think a half and hour old newborn baby is capable of what exactly? World domination?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Steve turns to Bucky with wide eyes. Bucky thought the man was having a psychotic break.

“I know what I’m talking about. There’s something about that thing,” Bucky gasped.

“Steve, don’t call her that, she’s your daughter,” Bucky spoke above a whisper.

“Then why don’t you take her then?” Steve almost growled at Bucky when a nurse hurried over and tapped Steve’s shoulder.

“What?” Steve barked at the nurse.

“Mr. Rogers, it’s your wife. She’s doing what you thought would happen,” Bucky was left in the dark at this statement.

“That fucking bitch,” Steve stormed passed the nurse leaving Bucky to look at the rest of the newborns.

___________

“Please, please, if you just listen to me,” tears were streaming down your face as the nurse kept dismissing your revelation. She kept trying to push the baby towards your breasts, but you kept pushing back trying to explain to her your situation.

“One of you go get the father,” the nurse yelled as one scurried out into the hall.

“No, no, please don’t get him. Get me out PLEASE,” you were screaming hysterics as the nurse yelled at everyone to clear the room.

“You're having crazy thoughts, my dear. We can give you something after you’ve fed the baby,”

“NO! PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU CALL SOMEONE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!” You were full on wailing as you tried to grab the nurse.

Steve walked in. His smile was kind and patience towards the nurse. You missed it, but for a millisecond his eyes were on yours with a fear of God hidden behind them.

“I’ve got her. You take the baby, I wanna talk,” the nurse yanked herself away from you and tore the now screaming baby from your arms.

You were left alone with Steve. The room was quiet all for your whimpers. Steve stalked his way over to you with the death glare clouding his once blue eyes.

He didn’t say anything. His breathing got heavy and his fists were clenched real tight. It was a moment later, but the next sound to fill the room was the sound of the smacked flesh of your cheek. The tears flowed more and your whimpers turned into screams for help. Steve grabbed you by the hair and smacked a hand to your mouth.

“I told you. I fucking TOLD you you’d regret it if you pulled something like this. After everything I’ve done for you. After everything I gave you! You know what? Say goodbye to the baby, she’s gone!” You screamed through Steve’s palm as loud as you could, but he only slammed you into the pillow of the hospital bed. Your screams and pleas were muffled as you tried to beg Steve not to take away your baby girl.

“Shut up, SHUT UP,” Steve screamed at you and you tried your best to quiet down. “I’ll make a deal with you,” he drew away his palm.

“I’ll let you keep the baby, but you have to work for it. No slip ups, no more outbursts, no running away, no defying me. You break any of these rules Mrs. Rogers, I’ll ship this baby off to the farthest foster home in the country. That’s a fucking promise.”

That was the day the light died down in you entirely. There was no hope and you'd have to accept that. You had to keep it together. If not for you, then for the baby. All for her.

All for Sasha.

Tags to be added in comments!!

[druid-for-hire]

UNSWAYED PT. III

(pt i) (pt ii) (pt iii) (you are here) (pt iv) (pt. v) (epilogue) (askblog)

this one’s got some revisions/retcons/refinings and new content. there will be some minor rehashing. this edition is more on the drama eurydice goes through on the path to find orpheus, orpheus’ deterioration in the Beyond, little bit of persephone and even littler bit hermes, finding orpheus, and finally getting to leave

thank you @supercantaloupe, @sonyalone, @unholy-boi, @s-aint-elmo, @ferretteeth for helping author this & help out w ideas and all!! sasha, u esp.

ok.

sits down and rests my old creaking bones in a rocking chair by the hearth and lights a pipe

gather round kids. this one might be a little long

one note: 

on the same night that orpheus falls, persephone, when she finally composes herself enough, marches up to hades. the fury is still present in the vitriol with which she speaks. “you can’t have done that,” she says. “you can’t have just thrown him away. he didn’t sign any papers. you can’t make him work.” 

 “there were no papers,” he agrees, “but prisoners do not get papers.”

ok jumping back to kind-of-present

it’s taking a while to find orpheus. (too much of a while)

in between work and searching for him, both of which already take up so much of her time, eurydice... makes her attempts to craft a new guitar. hades took orpheus’. he’s going to either want it back or want a new one, and right now, she doesn’t think she can manage the first. it’s going to be important to their escape, she thinks, because she isn’t planning on staying in hadestown forever

but she’s not skilled, and making a real, good, balanced guitar is incredibly hard. she’s not trained. it never comes out good enough, never remotely close to a properly tuned instrument, much less the guitar that seemed to fit perfectly around orpheus' hands. and she doesn’t have a lot of time

so as it turns out, stealing back the original is the more feasible option

problem being: it’s a trophy. hades didn’t smash it, but it’s locked away with his other little “victories,” and he’ll notice it missing eventually

(those other trophies are other relics from other daring humans he’s had to deal with in the past. no one has come as close as orpheus)

but she does have more buffer time than usual because it's also a reminder of the martyr and the fact that his marriage is in the shitter so it's been put out of sight (and out of mind), so she's got a few days or more before he'd notice it's gone

as she keeps searching for orpheus, telling her story and getting help and word of her spreading...

eurydice stirs the town as the ladle stirs in the pot; out of all the feelings her story wakes, the most dominant—and most important—is the anger.

and for the first time, somewhere in some could-be-anywhere part of Hadestown, someone says no.

the age-old, unmoving, immovable hadestown, begins to... change. there’s persephone’s crack in the wall, and then there are others, and then they join, and then there’s unrest, and then there’s the threat of riot.

(which i know i already established but shhh im reiterating my point for this:)

unholy-boi: hades was at least formerly hands on enough to give orders, to scrape down new souls, to preach about the wall

now he locks himself in his office, head in his hands, unable to handle the idea that he’s losing control, and every MOMENT he spends locked away he loses control more, but he needs to think, he needs to think, he needs to think--

The fates are at his door, they sing horrible music, things he doesn’t want to hear, lies and twisted truths to manipulate the king. except he’s not being manipulated at all. this is all him, he knows it--this is just him and his paranoia and the workers' rage beginning to boil on his doorstep.

the god is hidden away in his office and hardly lets anyone in. he isolates himself and Persephone barely even visits this winter anyway.

he wonders if the martyr boy really did fail.

(no, he tells himself--he did fail, because his goal was to get him and his lover out, and now both of them are damned here forever. all of this? an unfortunate side effect.)

hades... was very nearly swayed by orpheus, but took his “obligation” to a city (that he’s already lost) over the slightly breaking voice of orpheus, and the rumors. however when he sent orpheus away, things only got worse. but how could he just crawl to pull orpheus back now? would that not be sacrificing his iron will? his grip of steel? how can he turn to go back if he’s already made his decision? moreover- how can he trust bringing orpheus back will fix anything at all?

a lamenting reprise from hades with orpheus’ guitar would be cool. i don’t know if it’d be in character or appropriate to the story but. its been a fun thing ive been tossing between my hands

it probably starts when he accidentally kicks it over--there’s a trophy room, but he hasn’t cleared a space for the guitar yet. he kicks it over, and when it hits the ground the strings hum Menacingly at him

after the song he puts it away--out of sight, out of mind

show them a crack.

and they’ll tear down the wall.

besides the immediate danger orpheus is in and his voice failing being drives to find him as soon as possible, eurydice also has to worry about the fact that persephone won’t be there to help her soon. the hadestown debacle happens on the onset of proper spring

persephone, for once, is grateful that hades keeps her late. it means she can help the lovers. for so many weeks she sends  that boy’s voice on a wind straight for Eurydice to keep her going

but later is not never, and to the surface one day she goes, and bitter with the absence of his wife Hades drives them all to work harder

which strains Eurydice for time and energy even more

things are harder when she’s gone, as always—eurydice has less time to track him down, and without persephone’s sing-sing wind, pinpointing him is more difficult. 

Hermes is there at the station to greets her when she returns to end the winter

“how is he doing?” “not well.”

“you think they’ll make it?” “i don’t know.”

hermes asks her, “how long?” how long will orpheus last? how long will it take for them to find each other and leave? how long will it take until hades finally snaps? persephone can’t answer any of them

(hermes knows, of course. but he has a role to play)

the summer roars to life on top, but persephone can’t stop thinking about the lovers underground. she knows that orpheus won’t make it through the summer. she sneaks down below for two weeks in june and in that time, a hurricane devastates the surface without her to control it.

the sing-sing wind returns with a straining melody and eurydice wonders. she’s grateful, but she wonders

and... one day it doesn’t. she feels the breeze, but there’s nothing on it.

nothing.

i’ve fucking had enough, eurydice decides. i’m stealing that fucking guitar, hades be damned.

in the sleeping hours of hadestown she sneaks her way up to the palace, dodging searchlights and finding havens, already at an advantage because she’s scoured Hadestown so long and made allies in so many places

and when she makes it up to the palace, the... the guards, the hounds, all of them are... either missing or intoxicated to shit. which is odd, she thinks, but doesn’t question it

she makes it to the trophy room (after a Lot of searching, because she doesn’t have a map)

she walks in and marvels in awe at all the trophies

she wonders about the histories behind all of them

to be honest, she doesnt know that this is where the guitar is, but it’s a pretty good guess (and the right one)

and then there’s a sound at the doorway. eurydice freezes. there’s nowhere for her to hide

she turns, and... it’s persephone in the doorway. persephone, who should not be here.

they lock eyes for a moment, and then she points at a locked case in the back of the room and keeps on walking. whistling loudly. a very “nope, nothing here at all” move

... well, works for her

eurydice breaks off the padlock, gets the guitar, and flees

musing on kampê for unswayed because i really dont want her to just be a two dimensional villain: 

- homegirl is bitter. she used to rule the underground. she was the queen of the dark, and every god and titan knew her name, and hades did fear her too. 

until. well. 

and now she’s practically half-forgotten—a footnote. she hates it. hades and persephone are both her younger and yet they came into her realm, and she was shunted aside to this dismal little hole, and she has to answer to him and she fucking hates it. no mortal up Top or even in hadestown remembers her name. if an old dragon like her has no place out there... if she can’t make herself known in the outside world anymore, then she’ll fucking sear herself into the minds of the people she has, in the only way she knows how

(it should also be noted that homegirl is. unstable. i think kampê sort of violently switches between abhorrently vicious to weirdly sweet and manipulative and anywhere in between depending on the day/time/situation)

(also, she wasn’t always deaf. but being even older than the world, than hades and persephone, things... happen)

also, part of how she keeps everyone here is 1) working them to death and 2) telling them that they’re needed here, and that hadestown is an oasis of stability outside the chaos up Top

orpheus is not doing well.

orpheus forgets.

orpheus wears down.

(orpheus gets sick.)

whoops! That’s An Issue. but still he works, because no one can rest long, and the coal dust and ash and smoke and stifling heat do him zero favors

his focus drifts; he loses track of eurydice, of his songs. the work is first and foremost

you ever get worked so hard and pushed past your physical limit that u get like, spots in your vision and want to throw up? yeah thts orpheus

orpheus doesn’t stop sneaking off every day to the spot at the edge of the Beyond. he doesn’t sing out for help anymore, but... he sits, because he knows that it’s important. this place, where he sang out for a lover he doesn’t remember anymore with songs he no longer has

(cue Flowers but for orpheus, in quiet & faltering breathy lines)

he’s “forgotten a little thing called spring” 

kampê still comes after him to drag him back to work. sometimes it’s wordless; sometimes she yanks him to his feet by the straps of his overalls, sometimes all she needs to do is put a hand on his shoulder and he’ll get up and shuffle back into the mines and smokestacks

other times she asks why he’s still doing this, why he’s still out there. other times she tells him that there’s no need to come out here anymore. he shouldn’t have in the first place. out there--it’s no better than here.

the times when she yells--few and far between, because fetching him is hardly much of a chore anymore--he winces, since it’s not like she has the finest grasp on volume control, being deaf

the scene we see is her sing-speaking some fucked up reprise of hey little songbird, beckoning him to come back and taunting him; i didn’t write this one out but i imagine there’s some fun things to be had with the “vipers and vultures” line

and orpheus sing/saying, in this cracked, hoarse voice, “I wanna lie down forever”

he’s. so tired

(also singing his voice, long since shredded, sorta finally collapses in this one and i don’t imagine him having another sung line after that)

the canary in the coal mine isn’t dead yet but he will be

eurydice goes into overdrive after she steals orpheus’ guitar back

(she strums a few notes on it, and it hums warmly of sunlight in her hands. her chest fills with something indescribable. god, she missed this)

she takes more risks. sneaks out farther and strays out farther. skips out on work, keeps cutting close, nearly gets caught more often than she did before

eventually. finally. finally, she finds him, almost unrecognizable in the crowd masses, but she catches him alone

and she calls out to him, her arm outstretched, “come home with me.”

so i’m going w the “recognize her right away one” and following what i wrote in the first post

BUT: the callback to “come home with me i” with orpheus’ forgetting in “come home with me” “who are you?” is Too Fucking Good and I ended up writing my own lyrics to a “Come Home With Me III”

i’ll post it somewhere. i’d link the google drive link here directly but then tumblr would nerf this post off of the hadestown tag.

 you can play off of that if you want, toy around with it as a sort of small canon divergence to this au, but for the main one i’m rolling with what i already did in the first post... it’s unfinished btw there’s this small section i’m stuck on but i didn’t wanna delay this post anymore for something so minor

eurydice sees how much the beyond has ground him into the dirt—his eyes are sagging and half-lidded, dulled and shadowed and barely focused on her, miserable but too exhausted to feel

she sees this plenty in the ver. w/ Come Home With Me III before he remembers her, and for a moment in the other version before his eyes light up with recognition and suddenly it’s like some of the soot has sloughed off of him with the way his whole face lights up

also she shoves his guitar at him and he’s !! 

it’s. horribly out of tune though. he’s tuning it while they talk a little

but either way: the steam whistle blows, the signal to get back to work, and orpheus is immediately lowkey fearful and trying to get back before kampê catches them

eurydie is completely “oh hell to the fuck no i JUST got you back after MONTHS of searching you are NOT leaving”

orpheus is just afraid of what kampê’ll do if she sees them together, he doesn’t plan on leaving her -- he doesn’t hand her back the guitar, after all

again, kampê isn’t the most stable

then uhhh Whoops they spend too long there and she catches them, a la Papers

cue panic

cue tousling w/ eurydice and somehow getting kampê still enough (probably w pinning) to try and listen to Orpheus and she's just waiting to kick his ass because no music is ever gonna sway her, boy

(the dogs get placated by a few chords plucked out)

he can't sing, but he plays

and the other workers listen, and are moved

they are moved by eurydice's act of coming here after him

by listening to orpheus sing of love

by listening to orpheus forget, and deteriorate 

by having spent months listen to their love last and finally succeed with eurydice's arrival, this stalwart notion of hope

they didn’t ignore it. everybody knows the walls have ears

and they join by accompanying orpheus' song with the heavy metal sounds of the factories

they stomp, they clang, they turn grinding gears that crash and pound, in synchrony 

(where the little wheel squeals and the big wheel groans)

it’s a percussive song that they make

more than a simple tune, a steady beat, more than just the music of machinery

it shakes the entire Beyond with the force of the determination of a thousand weary souls, of the hopeless regaining hope for the first time in centuries

Forced through the percussive force of the entire Beyond, implicit in its rhythm and shake, is the old song. all of this old and rusted metal, all of this harsh machinery, all of it singularly resonant in the notion of la, la la la, la la la 

kampê feels it all through her feet and it rumbles in her chest, it shakes her to her very core and rattles her down to her bones, twists in her gut and forces in her fear and awe, and awe and wonder, and... something else

eurydice feels her loosen under her grip and backs off from pinning her and she still doesn’t move

at some point she lurches forward with her fist raised--orpheus doesn’t stop playing but he does shut his eyes, thinking oh god this is it, and eurydice rushes forward to pull her back

but she just... punches her fist into the ground by his feet

she feels everything not only through her feet but up her arm, more directly to her chest, to her heart, to her head

at last, swayed, feeling far more of something other than fear or anxiety or anger than she ever has in a long time...

she lets them all go

ok ngl there’s some blank spots here. i’m blanking here. idk how to transition

but

it's an entire exodus out from this tiny secluded part of Hadestown

The Great Beyond empties itself out and Kampê is left behind

the move is headed by Orpheus & Eurydice and the mood is very similar to the exodus from Egypt by the jewish folk in the movie Prince of Egypt

including the dark lighting, teal against the warm orange-yellow of their torches (lamps in this case), the wind, the craggy rock, everyone together, overall just the general tone

so during this walk from the Beyond to central hadestown with orpheus & eurydice more or less alone at the front is when Promises happens

it’s. a hell of a lot sadder here, but also a lot softer and more tender

orpheus’ lines are spoken like with Come Home With Me I / II coz he ain’t singin’ anymore. he can’t

and that’s the thing, he can’t sing anymore. 

all those things he said in wedding song, all his promises--that his voice would convince the world to give them everything they need

orpheus... doesn't have that anymore, or at least not nearly as strong, or traditionally lovely as it used to be

his voice was cut into pieces from the nasty shit air in the places he was sent to work

all he has is his guitar, and while he’s good at it, his real strength is in his poetry--it’s his voice and his words that makes the rivers and the trees and birds sing along

the people of the Beyond may have been inspired to percussion by his guitar, but they were more swayed by the notion of their love that was built up over the past few months ever since he got banished

so like. to walk with eurydice and be by her side for as long as he lives, is really all he can really promise her at that point anyway

it's not even that he doesn't have anything and broke the promise that he’d sing them all they needed. he can’t even do that anymore

the voice that charmed her, that said he’d provide for her, is gone

would she love him now, he wonders, if the great poet can no longer sing

and many thanks to @sonyalone for contributing this:

he offers his devotion to her. the only thing he has that’s worth anything, the only thing he can do. and when he does hes so afraid that he'll see in her eyes the understanding disappointment, the pity and "i suppose so" that he fears, but he finally raises his head and he cries because her eyes are shining with joy and love and hope. thats all she ever wanted from him. she just wants to be with him, voice or no, amenities or no, and hes never felt so loved

he weeps, and she weeps--from grief and relief and love--and they hold each other close

sheltering under each other

and they have never been more secure in their love

he walked the whole length of the railroad into hell for her, he survived in the pit for her, she scoured the underworld for him, she came for him and she's keeping him

and the return of all these workers startles everyone in central hadestown and a lot of the work gets stalled out

which, of course, draws hades’ attention.

tune in next time for more on this shit ✌️

(pt i) (pt ii) (pt iii) (you are here) (pt iv) (pt. v) (epilogue) (askblog)

[fragmentedink-archived]

Hell to Pay: Chapter Fifteen

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

A/N: warning for smut and past mentions of abuse

Lev only stirred because Nik’s weight vanished. By the time he was awake enough to look up, blinking lazily against the morning sun, Nik was already pulling on a pair of pants. The fact that Nik even had a pair of pants in here, since this was Lev’s bedroom, was mildly impressive. Lev didn’t remember wearing clothes before they fell into bed the night before, tangled around each other and heedless of anything else.

“Where are you going?” Lev finally managed, yawning into the pillow as he arched his back, stretching his arms in front of him and wiggling in an attempt to wake up more.

“Amara needs me, but I mean, I can be.... persuaded to not go” Nik said, clearly eyeing Lev’s ass. “Because that is an invitation and I’m trying to leave, what the fuck.”

Lev snorted, flopping onto his side. “If Amara needs you, you should go. And that wasn’t supposed to be an invitation, but... consider it an open one for when you get back?” He blinked innocently, hiding a smile. “Just don’t be gone too long? I’ll miss you.”

Nik jabbed a finger in Lev’s direction. “This is dirty. You’re playing dirty.” That didn’t stop him from leaning over and kissing Lev quickly.

Before Nik was even fully out of the room, Lev was stifling his giggles with the pillow. He could hear Nik groan as he stormed away, his muttered Spanish floating back to Lev. That only served to make Lev laugh more, but eventually he calmed down. The bed felt empty without Nik there, and the room too large, and a creeping darkness to Lev’s thoughts he didn’t want to deal with, and there was only so much silence Lev could take before he slid out of bed. After some searching, he found one of Nik’s shirts. He tugged it on, pleased to be wearing Nik’s scent since Nik couldn’t actually be here, and then trotted off to find Cameron.

It’d been a couple of days since Cameron’s rut ended, and things were back to normal. Whatever that was. The sentries were back, Cameron was... Cameron. Mostly. Lev wasn’t completely convinced, but he wasn’t stupid enough to ask about it.

His first guess was right: he found Cameron in the kitchen. Lunch, Lev assumed, judging by the time. He pattered over to one of the empty counters, close enough he could talk to Cameron without getting in the way, and hoisted himself up. Cameron flicked him a look, but didn’t say a word, so Lev braced his hands on the counter. The only reaction Lev got from Cameron this time was some hand sanitizer thrown his way. Lev wasn’t even sure where it came from, but he got the message, loud and clear.

“Nik left,” he said, as soon as it occurred to him to do so. “He said Amara needed him?”

All he really got in response was a curt nod and a brief, “Okay.” Which- Lev didn’t really know how to continue the non-existent conversation for that, so he swung his feet back and forth quietly while he waited for Cameron to finish cooking.

Eventually Cameron told him to get ready to eat. Assuming that was a request to get off the counter, Lev slid down, and settled at the table in time for Cameron to put a bowl of some sort of stew in front of him.

“Thank you,” Lev said as he closed his eyes and took a big sniff. “It smells delicious.”

Cameron, who had settled across from him, just said, “I know. I cooked it.”

Lev blinked at Cameron. It took a couple of seconds to recognize the satisfaction in Cameron’s expression, but when Lev did, he smiled a bit. After a few bites, he tapped his spoon lightly against his bowl. “Did you have any plans today? Especially now that Nik has abandoned us for Mar?”

Cameron shrugged. “Paperwork from the club. Unless you needed to do something.”

“I forgot you owned the club,” Lev said, more to himself than Cameron. He shook his head. “No. Now that I- I dunno. Since I’m not living with the angels, I really don’t have anything to do. I was still training.” Even if he was far too old to be. At least on the level that he was.

The sweeping look Cameron gave him was both unimpressed and unsurprised. If Lev didn’t know any better, he’d say Cameron was awkward, just a little, as he said, “Do you want to come with me to the club?”

Startled, Lev just stared. He swallowed his usual replies, and just simply said, “Yes, please.” He paused, and then couldn’t help adding, “I need to get dressed though.”

Cameron nodded. “Finish eating first.”

“I planned on it,” Lev promised earnestly. To prove as much, he took another bite, swinging his feet back and forth absently. It really was good, but he didn’t want to seem insincere by repeating as such over and over again. After all, Cameron already knew he was a good cook.

---

Nik swung off his bike the moment it was in park and made his way through the apartment building to the second floor and went to knock impatiently on Amara’s door but the door swung open before he even got to the second knock. Amara dragged him inside before he could even protest.

Nik swatted her away. “Okay, Okay, I’m here. What did you want?”

“I’m hungry and out of cereal,” she said. “Make me something.”

Nik glowered at her. “I could be fucking your cousin right now,” he accused. “Are you incapable of making meals? Don’t answer that,” Nik said, pushing his way into the kitchen. He opened the cupboards and then went to the fridge when he didn’t find anything. There was spoiled milk and mayo in the fridge. His blood ran hot. “What is this?” he said, offended. “How are you still alive? I cannot believe we are friends. How dare you.”

“Well, I had cereal. And you can’t burn sandwiches. Usually. Sometimes,” Amara said. “Renee’s been cooking. But she’s spending the week with a friend.”

Nik made a pained sound. “You are so lucky I am not Nate.” Nik pulled out his leather wallet and went through it before shoving it into his back pocket. “We’re going grocery shopping. Where’s Cináed?”

Amara shrugged. “Couch. Napping. He’s been useless for the past three days, unless he’s helping me demolish what food I had.”

Nik shouldered his way over to the couch and grabbed Cin’s feet and pulled them off the cushion. “Get up, we’re going grocery shopping.” Cin grumbled, fangs flashing. Nik was unimpressed by the empty posturing. “Come on. Get your ass up before I kick it.”

Amara threw Cin’s shoes at him. “Put on a damn shirt.”

Cin flashed his fangs at her too, but pattered off to find a shirt. Nik arched a brow and plopped down on the couch, crossing his ankles. He dragged his eyes over her before looking at where Cin had gone. “So. How long have you been preheat?”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m not.”

Nik snorted. “Mar, I’d think you were above denial.”

“And that is why we don’t let you think. Maybe if I ignore it it'll go away." She paused. "At least Cin and I have synced up. Its a pain in the ass to go through it two weeks in a row because one of us triggered the other."

Nik snorted. “Sounds like a you problem. Two weeks of a heat sounds like a good time to me. I guess you just don’t have my stamina,” he lied.

"You don't have a kid to take care of, Nikky."

Nik looked pointedly towards her kitchen. “Seems like the kid takes care of you, Amara.”

"Fuck you, low blow,” Amara said, glaring at him. “I take care of her. Food's only part of the equation."

A cheeky smile graced his face. “Didn’t mean to offend your delicate feelings on the subject. Get ready.”

“You’re a dirty, rotten liar.”

Nik winked at her. “It’s what you love about me. You’re just as awful as I am.”

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Amara reached for her jacket before yelling to Cin, “C’mon Cin, let’s go!” Only then did Cin appear, dressed and rubbing his eyes, clearly still half asleep.

Nik held out his hand when he got to his feet. “Give me your car keys.”

“I don’t have a car, Nikolas. Just the bike.”

Nik sighed, bitterly. “And what about Cin?”

Cin dug into his jeans and tossed him a set of car keys. Amara frowned. “Wait. Is that how we get groceries? I thought you got rid of that.”

Cin blinked at her. “I still have my car, Marmar.”

Amara’s mouth opened and closed. Nik laughed at them both. “Stars, you’re both disasters. Come on. I want to get this over with. I’ll feed you but then I’m going home. I have prior engagements that I dropped because I am a nice person.”

Amara pouted at him. “You can fuck Lev whenever you want, Nikky. You spend more time with him than me now.”

“Awe, I didn’t realize you were clingy. Just come over to the house. Cameron isn't going to just kill you.”

“Won’t he though? Besides, I can’t come over until I remember to get Lev’s shit or he’ll look at me real sad and I hate that shit, man.”

Nik rubbed his thumb and forefinger together. “Can you hear that whine? It’s not my fault you’re afraid of Cameron and that you’re too lazy to bring Lev his shit.”

“I am not afraid of Cameron, Nikolas,” Amara said. “Just haven’t been in the mood to fuck with him lately. Just distracted. And I don’t really want to step foot in that house. I’m pissed enough and I’m annoyed with Nate, too- not letting me know when he handed that pile of shit over. I wanted a piece of him too, you know.”

Nik frowned. “Blame me if you want. Nate’s not at fault for anything.” He looked towards the open door. Cin was probably wearing a hole into the concrete by the car by now. “He has a lot going on.” He flicked her a look. “You’d think you would know that since you’re raising a kid.” Nik started for the car, knowing that Amara would be following him. He found Cin leaning against the back of the car, waiting for him. Unlocking the car, Nik said, “Get in, loser, we’re going shopping. And I’m driving.” Enough hurt flashed across Cin’s face, Nik knew he didn’t get the reference. He sighed. “I really need to get you both to sit down and watch movies.”

Amara climbed into the passenger seat next to him. “Good luck.”

Nik electively ignored her and started up the car while Cin snuggled into the back seat. “We’ll get some easy shit that not even you can get wrong, and then I’ll get some things that Renee can cook for you because I know for a fact that you will burn down your apartment.”

Cin was sound asleep by the time they got to the store. Nik put the car in park and leaned over the seat to flick Cin’s nose. “Hey handsome, we’re here.” Cin grumbled at Nik. “Come onnnn. If I have to, so do you.”

Nik got out of the car and into the frigid cold air, shoving his hands in his pockets, waiting for both Amara and Cin to get out. The cold air seeped into his holey jeans and did nothing for Nik’s sour mood. “You ready yet?”

Amara was already dragging Cin towards the store when she said, “I was born ready, grumpy pants.”

“Hmph.” Nik followed after them. “If that was the case, you would have bought more food before you ran out. But sure.”

“I’m broke,” she replied. “Didn’t have any money for groceries.”

Nik side eyed her. “Uh huh.”

“What?” she said. “Don’t believe me? I didn’t have a single bottle of alcohol in the apartment either.”

Nik snorted when he grabbed the cart. “Probably because you drank it all.”

“Wow rude.”

Nik shrugged while starting for the grocery section. He started putting things in the basket that even Amara would be able to use, and if she couldn’t, he was sure Cin would. Hopefully. Stars, they’re both useless. At least when Nik was dating her he could make sure she didn’t die from food poisoning.

Amara wandered off while Cin moved between sticking close to Nik and following after Amara like a lost puppy. When he was close enough, Nik had him get the items he was too lazy to get himself. When Nik was satisfied there was enough food in the cart to feed them all for at least two weeks, Nik started for the register. He gnawed at his thumb nail until he could put the groceries on the thing. When Amara didn’t come back, Nik told the clerk to call her. The kid gave him a considering look, judging his age before, “Amara? Your father is waiting for you at register nine.”

Nik choked. “Oh gross. Do I look like someone’s father? Daddy, maybe. But not a father.”

The clerk pressed her lips together to stop herself from laughing. She gave him the cost and he dug a few hundreds Cam had given him out of his wallet and paid for the food. Beside him, Cin said, “I can pay you back?”

Nik waved him off. “It’s not like it’s my money. It’s all Cam.” Cin seemed displeased as he made a disgruntled sound. He just shrugged. “I mean, you could make it up to him. Though, it wouldn’t probably pan out well. Not sure how Lev would react.”

Cin’s only answer was rolling his eyes. When Nik opened his mouth, Amara rounded the corner, eyes puffy enough Nik arched a brow. “Do you feel better, honey?” Nik asked in an overly sympathetic voice.

“No, fuck you,” Amara snapped. She shoved a stuffed koala at him. “Buy this too.”

Nik looked down at the stuffed animal in distaste. “Get enough snot on that?” The store clerk closed her eyes in defeat, clearly wishing to be put out of her misery. Nik grunted when Amara kicked him in the shin. “You don’t have to kick me because I’m right, you know. I just bought you three hundred dollars worth of groceries.” Nik leaned over and snagged the tag off the koala and tossed it to the clerk. “The least you could do is be nice to me.”

“The least you could do was not make fun of me during my emotional breakdown,” Amara said, sharply. She paused before kicking him again. “Talk shit, get hit, motherfucker.”

Nik pointed at her. “That’s rude, it’s not like I can just find some random hot mom, Amara. My mommy issues aren’t that bad.”

The store clerk choked. “Sir… the line?”

Nik looked around Amara to see the decent line of humans. “Ugh.” He rolled his head towards the clerk. “Keep the change.” He started grabbing the groceries and shoving them in cart alongside Cin. “Come along, children.”

Nik got them out to the car, the groceries in the truck and the snot-covered koala back in Amara’s arms. It didn’t take long for Cin to fall back asleep in the back, curled against the seat. Nik got them back to the apartment relatively quickly before poking Cin in the face again. “Hey, make yourself useful and carry these up.”

Cin didn’t bother reacting and just got out of the car and carried up the groceries. Nik waited at the counter in the kitchen while Cin finished. He spent three hundred dollars on them, he wasn’t doing the leg work. As soon as all the groceries were inside on the floor, Cin just disappeared back to the couch to sleep.

If Nik hadn’t just spent the last week in bed with Cameron, he might have joined him on the couch, but he wanted to get home soon. But first, he needed to feed them. Amara was still at the counter, clutching the koala to her chest when Nik said, “Put everything away except for what I’m cooking.” He rattled off the ingredients while he dished out the pans and utensils he needed to make empanadas.

Unsurpisingly, Amara just walked off, probably to go clean off the stupid koala. He had the ground beef dethawing and a few of the veggies cleaned and cut up when he opened a bottle of tequila he had found hidden behind the pans. When Amara came back, she frowned at the bottle. “What the fuck? I thought I was out.”

Nik snorted, taking a drink from the bottle before moving on to start with the dough. “This is why we don’t let you think, Mar.”

She just flipped him off before starting to put things away. When Nik was done with the dough, he started on the egg mixture he mixed with the dough. He looked her over after putting it in the fridge for thirty minutes, messing with the timer on his phone. “So, clearly you’re feeling the preheat. Do you think you can help me- wait, no, never mind. You’re not touching my food.”

Nik started back up with food prep when she wandered over and looped her arms around his waist, pressing her forehead against his back. He fell into a rhythm, singing under his breath while he filled the dough with the meat he cooked, Amara moving with him in sync. He was making a mess of her kitchen, which he usually did whenever he cooked, but she didn’t seem to notice. It was one of the reasons why Cam didn’t let him cook.

When the empanadas were frying, Nik took that as an opportunity to make the aioli dip. Nik was half sure that Amara was asleep on his back, but he just smiled a bit and mixed together the mayo, adobo sauce and lime juice before shoving it in the fridge to boost flavor while the empanadas finished.

When they were finished, Nik turned his head to the side. “Mar, they’re done,” he murmured. “You need to let go so you can eat. Even if it is hard.” Amara bit into Nik’s shoulder before letting him go. Nik grinned at her. “Was hard, wasn’t it?”

“Next time I’ll go for the jugular.”

NIk arched a brow. “I’m spoken for. But I’m sure you can work it out with Cam.”

Amara ignored him and went to go wake up Cin. Nik used that time to get the empanadas out on plates after taking another swig from the tequila bottle. When they came back, Nik shoved their plates to them. “Go nuts. I accept payment in forms of blowjobs or alcohol.”

Amara just rolled her eyes. “I’m not blowing you when you’re dating my cousin. You can keep the tequila.”

“And you say I’m the grumpy one,” Nik retorted, taking a bite from his own plate. “But fine. I will, and unlike you, I will not lose it in my stash of pots and pans.”

“Renee probably hid it from me,” she said, making a face. Amara took a bite from her food, before frowning. “Fuck you, this is so good.”

Nik grinned. “I know, I made it.”

------

Lev was pretty sure his back would never forgive him for how he’d squeezed himself awkwardly into this chair. There were plenty of reasonable ways to sit, but this felt more comfortable, and he could brace his sketchbook on his knees as he doodled. That's all it really was, honestly. Doodling. He did not consider himself an artist, but a little practice never hurt, and he was bored, in all honesty. It was better than being alone, but he was still bored.

He’d filled a couple pages with sketches of, well... Cameron. Not really him. Sort of. His hands. His mouth and jawline. His eyes. What else was Lev supposed to draw, though? All he really had to look at was Cameron, who for the most part was engrossed with his paperwork, though it didn’t escape Lev’s notice any time Cameron glanced over at what Lev was trying to draw.

Could he tell? Lev wasn’t sure. If he could, he hadn’t told Lev to stop, so there wasn’t anything wrong with it. Probably. Maybe?

Lev realized he was staring at Cameron as he pondered, and slowly flushed. He couldn't remember what he’d been trying to draw. He’d definitely been staring blankly at Cameron for a good amount of time, and now he didn’t know how to stop. Stopping was a good idea. And yet he kept staring.

“If you're bored I can give you something to do.”

That was such a Cameron thing to say. Lev pressed his lips together, wishing he could force himself to stop blushing. “I’m fine,” he said automatically, rubbing his face and narrowly avoiding poking himself in the eye with his pencil at the same time. “I’m just- dunno, lost my- my groove? I was distracted.” He sat up, tucking his feet underneath him as he leaned closer, trying to deflect. “What are you doing?”

Cameron looked back down at his papers, rifling through them. “Club ratios. Alcohol and admissions.”

Lev scrunched up his nose. “Okay,” he said, unsure of what else to say. He blinked at the papers, trying to make heads or tails of it all.

“Do you want to suck my cock?” Cameron asked bluntly.

Lev was mortified how quickly he perked up, eyes dropping to Cameron’s lap briefly, before flicking back up to Cameron’s face. “I-” there was no point in lying. Yes, he was interested. “Yes. Please. If that’s- here?” Lev could have groaned at how awkward he was being. How much he wanted it.

“Do you see me moving?”

Lev shook his head. He unfolded from the chair, almost tripping over his converse in his haste as he stood. He sidestepped them this time and dropped his sketchbook on the chair he’d abandoned as he rounded the desk.

Cameron pushed back from the desk, just enough. “Crawl.”

Without a second thought Lev was on his knees. If Cameron wanted him to crawl, he’d crawl. Cameron hadn’t turned towards him, leaving Lev a little confused. He sat back on his haunches when he reached Cameron’s side, but Cameron just nodded towards the desk.

“Under,” was all he said.

Even Lev couldn't misunderstand that. He slithered underneath the desk, twisting until he was peering up at Cameron again. Cameron didn’t miss a beat and moved right back to how he had been, and judging by the rustling of papers, he was right back to working. This time Lev didn’t hesitate. Fumbling with Cameron’s belt, Lev managed to pull Cameron’s dick out.

It was tempting to go right for it, but Lev took his time, wanting to make it last. He kissed and licked his way up the shaft before sucking on the tip, sliding all the way down once before going back to his curious teasings. There was- there was something to the idea of seeing if he could get a reaction from Cameron. Something tempting. It rankled, just a little bit, in a way Lev couldn’t quite put into words, that Cameron could just go back to his paperwork like Lev wasn’t under his desk with his mouth on Cameron’s cock.

Not once after that first time did Lev even try to go all the way down again. He explored at his own pace, thoroughly enjoying himself. Already he’d forgotten why he’d decided to be a little bit of a tease. He just liked doing whatever came to mind, and trying to figure out what Cameron liked as he went.

After a few minutes Lev discovered Cameron definitely liked it when Lev dragged the tip of his tongue along the underside of Cameron’s dick. Lev got caught up in trying it over and over again, pausing only to occasionally lap at the head of Cameron’s cock to catch the precome leaking from it.

For the most part he kept his hand either on Cameron’s thigh or wrapped around the base of Cameron’s cock to keep it steady. The space beneath Cameron’s desk was cramped, even with the ridiculous size of the desk, and it was just easier to hold onto Cameron, absently stroking the inside of his thigh with his thumb as he licked and teased his way up and down Cameron’s length repeatedly.

Lev wasn’t actually sure how long he’d been lost in what he was doing when Cameron’s fingers found Lev’s hair and yanked firmly. A high pitched moan came from Lev in response, and he almost pulled away. He would have, if Cameron hadn't tightened his grip on Lev’s hair. Right. Message received. Lev slid down Cameron’s length, working his way down to the base determinedly. He kept a careful rhythm, bobbing his head as best he could without smacking his head on the desk above him.

It took several minutes before Lev managed to make Cameron come. The only signs he’d been getting anywhere were the way Cameron’s breaths had sped up, and how his fingers were all but fisted in Lev’s hair. Occasionally, Lev had been rewarded with the rustling of Cameron’s papers going silent, but other than that it was radio silence, at least until Lev heard Cameron give a low sound. That, and the way Cameron’s hand clenched reflexively in Lev’s hair, was all the warning Lev got before Cameron came.

Lev sucked him through it, fighting the instinct to hum smugly when he pulled off. He wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand, before wiggling closer. Only after tucking Cameron’s dick away again did he settle, folding his arms on Cameron’s lap and resting his chin on them as he listened to Cameron’s breathing slowing. The weight of Cameron’s hand in his hair was soothing, and Lev was more than tempted to see if he could possibly fall asleep like this without sliding down to the ground. Instead he gave a contented sigh, hesitantly pressing his face against Cameron’s stomach before he looked up.

“Cameron?”

“Hmm?” Cameron barely glanced down before continuing what he was doing.

Lev debated how to word what he wanted to say for a solid minute before he finally said, “I really was curious about what you were doing.” He furrowed his brows thoughtfully. “I just- could you explain it again? I want to understand.”

“Do you?”

Lev grimaced. “I’m not a liar. I wouldn’t say it just to- I want to know. I don’t like not understanding things.”

Cameron looked irritated this time. “I wasn’t calling you a liar.”

The comforting weight of his hand was gone, and Lev wasn’t sure where he’d gone wrong. Panic fluttered like a bird behind his ribs, and he had to stop himself from retreating underneath the desk. There was no reason to get that worked up, and he knew it.

“I was asking you for a yes or a no,” Cameron said.

Lev blinked. “Oh.” He swallowed, and then nodded. “Yes. I want to learn. I don’t- I don’t like feeling stupid, and when I don’t get things I feel really dumb.” He settled against Cameron’s stomach again. “I just want to understand.”

Cameron watched him for a heartbeat, but he did start to explain, and that was all Lev wanted, really, so Lev was content to tilt his head up and listen intently.

---

Nik was about ready to pull his jacket to leave when Amara demanded, “And where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

Nik looked over his shoulder, stopping before he could get his second arm in. “Well I was going to go get fucked, if you must know, since I am done feeding you.”

Amara whined. “Noooo. I want to snuggle. I missed youuu.” She wrapped her fingers around his wrist and pushed his jacket off his shoulders. “I never get to see you, I deserve this. And even if I don’t, I’m a selfish bitch.”

Nik frowned. “Snuggle with Cin. That’s what he’s here for.”

“He’s not you though, and he’s boring when he’s comatose.” Nik was this close to whining too. He could feel his body protest, but he ended up letting her drag him over to the threadbare couch to be smooshed between her and Cin. Cin didn’t seem bothered to have two bodies on top of him; he really was sleepy.

“You know you missed me,” she crooned, putting her face in his neck.

“Not right now I don’t,” he grumbled, wrapping his arm around her waist. “What am I getting out of this forced cuddling? Besides your radiant company?”

She playfully nipped at him. “You can keep the tequila.”

Nik pinched her ass. “I was already planning on keeping the tequila as payment for cooking you food, Mar. But whatever. Since I am a good and kind soul, I will keep you company free of charge because it’s the right thing to do in your hour of need.” He put his boots up on the arm of the couch. “Lucky you.”

She snuggled deeper into him, arms wrapping around his waist. “Lucky me indeed,” she mumbled into his chest. “You’re mine for the foreseeable future.” Nik’s body was rebelling against him. He could feel himself half hard against Amara’s stomach. She seemed unbothered and perfectly aware. “Not my problem.”

Nik groaned, wiggling helplessly under her. “Why are you doing this to meeeee.”

"I didn't ask for you to show up horny and bitter. I just needed a friend in this trying time."

“Honestly, Amara, for someone supposedly so intuituve, you sure do know shit about how I am horny all the fucking time. And when you wake me up,” he groused. “But sure, you’re the one in need.”

Amara said, “"Would you rather me have starved?"

“Do not ask questions you do not want the answers to,” Nik warned.

“Wow Nikolas, I thought we were friends.”

Nik yanked on her hair. “If we weren’t, I’d have let you rot. But here I am, hard and under a woman I can’t fuck. So. I am a saint.”

She choked on a laugh. “Saint Nikolas.”

“Okay you know what-”

Nik rolled over and let her fall on the floor. She stared up at him, half shocked and half amused. “Bullying people is my thing, Nikolas.”

“Talk shit, get thrown on the floor,” Nik shot back.

She sat up on her elbows. “You left yourself wide open for that, Saint Nikolas.”

Nik pointed down at her. “Keep calling me that and I will walk out that door right now. Then we’ll see how hilarious you are when you keep whining about what a bad friend I am.” Cin grumbled from under him, pulling his pillow over his head, muttering about them talking too much.

Both he and Amara ignored Cin’s whining. “Okay, okay. Someone’s touchy today.” Before Nik could even call her a hypocrite she was up on her feet and flopped on him. “Don’t leaveeee.”

“Well, I can’t very well do that with your big head on my chest, now can I?”

"First of all, that was the idea, and second, who are you calling a big head, big head?"

“At least my big head is full of things,” Nik said, poking her in the forehead.

"Yeah, weed and booze, maybe."

I mean, yes, Nik thought. “At least it has something in it other than air.”

“Fuck you,” she said, cheerfully, snuggling deep into him.

“You can’t,” Nik whined. “I’m dating your cousin, remember?”

“Not my fault,” she mumbled. “You were just supposed to fuck him, not get attached.”

“Ugh.”

“Now I have to break in a new fuckbuddy.”

Nik slipped a hand in her back pocket, unable to stop himself from grinning. “Sorry you had to downgrade. Can’t relate.” He oofed when she jabbed him in the side. “That’s so mean, stars, Amara. I thought we were friendsss.”

Amara had opened her mouth to counter when Nik found himself on the ground, landing on top of Amara, her own head smacking against the threadbare carpet. The next thing Nik registered was Cin on his feet and stalking back to the bedroom, grumbling about not being able to sleep. Nik looked down at Amara, feeling laughter bubble in his throat. “Well, that was nice. I went out of my way, making him a home cooked meal and he nearly gives me a concussion.”

He had rolled over onto his back, with Amara’s face pressed into his chest, laughing, when he wheezed, “The audacity.”

Amara just snorted. “You ruined his nap.”

“Me?”

“Yes you.”

“Wow,” Nik said, pushing her onto her back. “The blatant disrespect. I cannot believe this.” He sat on her and looked down while brushing his blue and black hair out of his eyes. “Lying straight to my face. Hmph.”

Amara smacked his chest. “Get oooooooff.”

“Or else what?” Nik asked, roguishly.

“I’ll whine.”

“You mean you haven’t been whining this entire time?”

She threw her arm over her eyes. “Why are you bullying meeee.”

“Because I’m horny and I am mean when I am horny. It’s your own fault.” Nik got to his feet and held out a hand. “Take it or I’m taking this opportunity to escape.”

"I can't help that I’m so sexy," she said, taking his hand. She straightened her shirt, before: "If you need to jerk off the bathrooms down the hall."

Nik frowned. “Damn right you are, and I’m annoyed.” Nik considered her offer, though. Stars knew how long she was going to hold him captive, and he was only going to get more irritable the longer he wasn’t able to get off. “I am not getting blue balls for you.” He turned on his heel and went to the bathroom.

--------

Cameron was finishing locking up the office, half ignoring Lev hopping around the hallway trying to tie his shoes. He slid the key in his pocket and watched Lev for a few seconds, before flatly saying, “Are you done?”

Lev smacked his shoulder into the wall and crumbled to the ground. “Yeah. Just. Give me a second. It’s easier from down here.”

Cameron looked down at him, unimpressed. “Nice coordination, Levant.”

Lev just stood up. “Never once implied I was coordinated. Or graceful.” He gave Cameron a pained smile. “I really am a terrible angel,” he said, mechanically enough it was obvious he was just echoing someone else.

Cameron shrugged slightly. “You make it sound like a bad thing. Come along.” He didn’t give Lev a look, seeing if he was following him as he started for the main floor of the club. The only noise was the bartender quietly working, getting ready for that night.

He went straight for the grand piano in the middle of the room, on the raised dias. He ran his fingers across the glossy black of the keyboard cover as he sat. Lev shifted. “May I sit next to you..?”

Cameron debated for a heartbeat, not wanting to break his routine, but eventually moved over just enough for Lev to sit. Wordlessly, he opened the keyboard cover while Lev sat next to him, curiously listening to Cameron start his warm ups. His fingers glided over the keys while muscle memory took over; he didn’t even have to think about what notes to play before he played them. He had music drilled into his head since he could barely walk. It was expected of him from a young age- it was another appealing thing that attracted people to him. Cameron just hadn’t outgrown the habit, and despite being forced to learn, he did find some kind of solace playing the piano.

He could feel Lev staring at him with big golden eyes. Cameron almost told him to stop, but just kept focused on the piano, his own eyes closed. It was easier playing than it was dealing, and this was something he was good at. Though, Cameron thought, he was good at many things. He didn’t have the luxury of failing.

After a while, Lev asked, “Do you play every day?”

Cameron kept playing, going back and forth, deciding if he wanted to answer or not. He finally said, “Yes. Two and a half hours every day after paperwork.”

“That’s a long time,” Lev murmured to himself.

Cameron’s lips twitched. “Not really,” he said, after a bit. “Fucked Nik for longer.”

He almost didn’t hear Lev mutter under his breath, “Nik’s so damn lucky.”

Cameron snorted, and tilted his head, listening to the music. “All you have to do is tell me.”

Cameron rarely, if ever told Nik no, and when he did, Nik just went elsewhere. If it was what Lev wanted, Cameron would feel compelled to give it to him, just as he was compelled to give it to Nik. All he had to do was say the word. It was what he was trained to do. “That’s easier said than…. Oh.” Cameron could almost see Lev make a face.

“If you’re going to speak, stop mumbling,” Cameron said, half annoyed. “I can barely hear you over the music.”

He could feel the bartender silently watching them. Zareth knew better than to speak while Cameron was playing and he was not going to be that stupid now; not unless he wanted his tongue ripped out.

Lev fell silent for a while before asking, “Can you teach me to play? Not today, but… one day?”

Cameron inclined his head, enjoying the smooth keys at his fingertips. “I can teach you now, if you want.”

“I don’t want to interrupt your playing anymore than I already have,” Lev said, “But… I do want.”

Cameron finished his song before, “What do you know about music? Can you read it, write it? What all have the angels taught you besides not actually being able to teach you how to fight.”

Lev shook his head. “I can sing along with the radio. Gramma says I’ve got a good ear, but no one ever taught me anything.”

“Hmm.” Cameron went over the major keys, the minor keys; explaining the difference between white and black before saying, “I’ll get you a keyboard. No one touches the piano but me. And I’m sure there are song books you can look at to learn music notes. I’ll look into it.”

“Okay,” Lev said. Then he added, “Thank you.”

Cameron went back to playing, letting himself try to fall back into rhythm. He tried to not get aggitated at his routine being altered too much. It wasn’t Lev- it was literally anyone that stopped him from being able to work seamlessly.

After a while, Cameron barely registered Lev getting up and wandering over to the bar. He didn’t bother looking to see what Lev was doing, and kept playing.

----

Lev slid into a seat at the bar, tapping his fingers on the smooth wood silently. He twisted in his seat, peering at Cameron, but Cameron was still playing, hadn’t even looked up. Good. that meant he wasn't too bothered by Lev leaving. He felt a little bad he’d kept bugging Cameron, but he didn't really know how to be still and quiet for long, for all he was a quiet person.

After a few minutes, Lev hesitantly waved at the bartender. After a moment the bartender flicked him a look. Lev waved at him again, widening his eyes and what he hoped was a plea. The bartender kept cleaning the glass in his hands for longer than Lev thought was necessary before coming over. Once the bartender raised his eyebrows, Lev realized he hadn’t thought this far. He knew Cameron probably wanted quiet, even if Cameron had been remarkably patient with Lev’s talking.

“Can I get some water?” Lev whispered, as quiet as he could. “And a pen?” There were napkins nearby, and Lev’d forgotten his sketchbook in Cameron’s office. He wasn’t stupid enough to bug Cameron for that.

The bartender flicked Cameron a look over Lev’s shoulder, and then turned away. Lev thought for a moment he’d been ignored, but the bartender slid a glass towards him. Lev mouthed a “thank you,” before holding the glass in his hands. He sipped it occasionally, and blinked gratefully at the bartender when he got the pen he’d asked for.

Lev swiveled on the chair, and then started sketching Cameron. Or his piano, at least. Lev kept himself busy that way, wiggling to his heart's content. At least the stools didn't squeak. Lev couldn't imagine Cameron allowing his stools to squeak.

It was almost a surprise to hear the music stop. Lev wasn’t sure if it had been two and a half hours or not, but he was pleased to see Cameron settle beside him.

“My usual,” was all Cameron said.

The bartender hopped to, something Lev decided not to think about. Instead he kicked his feet back and forth lightly, and sipped his water. After a minute, he looked over at Cameron. “Is there anything else on the schedule?”

Lev almost missed the tiny smirk the bartender had when Cameron looked at Lev. “Do you want to be fucked?”

Lev blinked. “I-” He really should stop being surprised by Cameron offering. “Yes? Yes.”

Cameron set his glass down, and then leaned over, pressing kisses to Lev’s neck. Lev’s breath caught in his throat, and he tilted his head up to give Cameron more room. Oh. Cameon really meant right now. He hooked his fingers in Cameron’s sleeve. It wasn’t long before Cameron started unbuttoning Lev’s jeans, and that was enough Lev twitched his hips upwards, giving a soft moan. He hadn’t expected to be fucked today, but he was absolutely down for this.

Cameron was pulling at his jeans, so Lev lifted his hips again. Too far, it seemed, because he slid right off the stool. He flung his arms around Cameron’s neck, squeaking. Cameron’s arm was around his waist, keeping him from falling any lower. In the next moment, Lev found himself swung around, back against the bar, and Cameron pulling his pants and underwear down efficiently.

The next thing Lev knew, Cameron was on his knees and taking Lev’s half-hard cock in his mouth. Lev jerked forward with a gasp, one hand going to Cameron’s hair. Cameron’s hand found Lev’s hip, pinning him in place against the bar. More than anything Lev wanted to squirm, but Cameron was firm as he teased Lev to full hardness.

-----

Cameron only pulled back when he knew Lev was close to coming. He didn’t even want to think about whatever was on the floor as he got to his feet. Lev’s whine was suppressed when Cameron flipped him around, and bent him over the bar. But Lev wasn’t able to stop the second whine when his fingers traced down Lev’s spine before pressing inside. Two fingers in and Lev was already moaning.

Lev was leaning on his forearms, head bent over as a flush worked its way down his back. Cameron took his time stretching him out as he worked himself up to his own hardness. Cameron kept using just his fingers until Lev was whining enough he started wiggling. Cameron’s only warning to stop moving was his teeth in Lev’s shoulder.

“Cameron, please,” Lev was already pleading. “Please fuck me?”

“Hmm.” Cameron added another finger, finishing stretching him out, before pulling them out one by one. He stroked himself lazily, halfway ignoring Lev’s small whine; completely ignoring Zareth’s half hearted attempt to keep himself busy. Wasn’t the first time he fucked someone in front of the demon, likely wouldn't be the last.

Cameron pressed inside Lev, eliciting a moan from the angel. He took his time deciding what he was going to do before sliding his hand up to the back of Lev’s neck and bending him forward on his toes with his cheek pressed against the cool black bar.

Cameron wrapped his hand around the back of Lev’s neck, his other hand digging into Lev’s hip, pulling back as he fucked into him. Zareth had forgotten his duties and was watching them blatantly enough Cameron debated on giving him a look to get back to work, but ultimately decided to put his energy into what he was doing. Lev’s eyes lifted to the demon staring at them, but instead of protesting, his moans unsurprisingly only got louder, his fingers curling into fists.

He only twisted Lev’s arm behind his back when it went between his legs to the dripping cock. Cameron leaned over him, teeth pressing into Lev’s almost healed shoulder. “Don’t touch,” was all he said to the angel.

That got a loud enough whimper from Lev, Cameron felt his lips ghost into a curl. Lev’s legs were trembling when he said, “Please let me come? Please.”

The part of his brain that was hardwired to give what was wanted was tempted, but Cameron wrapped his hand around the base of Lev’s cock hard enough Lev gave him a choked moan. Cameron lightly pressed his teeth into Lev’s throat enough to just barely break the skin. “No. You come when I feel like it. Not the other way around.”

Lev’s only response was a whimper. Cameron kept fucking into him hard until he felt his knot catch at the rim. He pressed Lev harder against the bar when his release barreled out of him. Cameron barely suppressed his pants against Lev’s shoulder when he finally was able to pull out. Cameron cleaned himself off and was rebuckling his belt when Lev, clearly sounding desperate and fucked out, said, “Can I come? Please?”

Cameron considered it. “Did I say you could?”

Lev gave a broken whimper but didn’t argue. Cameron flicked a look over to Zareth who was already pulling the black box from under counter out and sliding it towards them. Cameron selected a black and silver plug and pressed it into Lev’s leaking ass. “Pull your pants up,” he said, pulling back from the angel and straightening his shirt. “Make sure to clean up the bar,” he added, to Zareth, slipping the plug's remote into his pocket.

Lev clumsily did as ordered, his face flushed a bright gold. Cameron only looked to his watch before starting for his office to gather his things. He heard Lev eventually catch up to him by the time Cameron was already unlocking his office to get the remaining paperwork and his phone. Lev slipped inside to get his sketchbook and had it pressed to his chest when he followed Cameron out to his car.

------

Lev squirmed again. He’d thought it was awkward enough walking with the plug. He’d been very aware of it’s presence then, and he was very aware of it now that he was sitting in the front seat of Cameron’s car. He couldn't find a good way to settle that didn’t have it pressing against him.

“Sit still.”

Lev stilled obediently, swallowing a whine. Home couldn’t come soon enough. If he was home he could at least stand up. Cameron didn’t expect him to keep it in forever, did he? Lev wiggled, and then froze again. He leaned against the door, giving another excited wiggle when the manor came into view.

“Do you think Nik is home yet?” Lev asked, switching his gaze to Cameron.

After a moment, Cameron said, “Maybe.”

Lev hummed softly, and then said, “I missed him. Is that stupid? It was just a day.”

Only after Cameron had parked the car did he finally say, “No, it isn’t.”

Lev was out of the car in a heartbeat, but he leaned against it to peer at Cameron across the roof. “I had fun today.”

Cameron flicked him a quick look. “Good.”

Lev watched him circle the car, and slunk after him. Stars, he was super aware of that blasted plug. Sure it was keeping Cameron’s come from getting everywhere, but at what cost? That didn’t mean Lev wasn’t going to wander after Cameron. He wasn’t sure what else to do. Besides, he liked being around Cameron. Even if he wasn’t much for conversation most of the time.

It shouldn’t have surprised Lev that Cameron headed for the kitchen. Lev followed after him, eyeing the counter. No, he wasn’t going to settle there today. He’d had enough sitting for now. He leaned his hip against it instead, watching Cameron move around.

“What are you making for dinner?” Lev asked, just to break the silence.

“Steak and potatoes.” Cameron nodded at the potatoes. “Cut up the potatoes?”

Lev wiggled happily, and sidled over to them to start. He paused only long enough to wash his hands when Cameron reminded him, and then kept himself busy. He was just about done when hands grabbed his hips, and a face pressed against his neck. Lev squeaked, but he recognized Nik’s scent a heartbeat later. After setting the knife down, Lev squirmed until he was facing Nik, sliding his arms around Nik’s neck.

Nik’s mouth was on his before Lev could say anything. Lev arched into the kiss, moaning softly. He pulled back just a little, blinking up at Nik. Before he could get a word out, Nik was kissing him again. Well. Lev couldn’t really argue with that. He kissed back enthusiastically, opening his mouth for Nik as he leaned close.

Without warning the plug in his ass started... vibrating. Lev jerked, pulling back. “What-” He flicked at glance at Cameron, eyes wide. Cameron hadn’t even looked up from the steaks he was cooking.

“You kept yourself occupied, Cam,” Nik said, drawing Lev’s attention again. Nik looked amused.

“Finish the potatoes, Levant,” was all Cameron said.

Lev blinked again, before pressing a chaste kiss to Nik’s lips. “Missed you today,” he promised, before wiggling around to finish up the potatoes.

Nik wrapped his arms around Lev’s waist and pressed a kiss to Lev’s neck, despite Lev’s squeak. “Clearly you kept busy in my absence.”

Lev shrugged. “I went to the club with Cameron. I had fun.” He wasn’t near as neat with his chopping as he had been before, but he couldn’t imagine how Cameron could expect perfection when the plug was still going and Nik was pressed up against him.

“I can smell that.”

Lev flushed, pausing. “That wasn’t- He showed me some of how his paperwork works. And he promised to teach me how to play the piano.” He set the knife down, and added to Cameron, “Potatoes are done.”

Cameron took the potatoes from him, putting them in the pan. Nik just said, “You and I clearly have different views of fun.”

Lev considered that. He turned around, sliding his arms around Nik’s neck. “I mean I liked the sex too, but I just also liked the other stuff. Maybe I have a broader idea of fun?” He pressed his nose to Nik’s to let Nik know he was teasing, even as he pressed his hips against Nik, absently seeking friction.

Nik’s hands settled on his hips, holding him still. “I resent the idea that you are more fun than I am. Take that back.”

Lev whined softly, squirming in Nik’s hold. “I didn’t say I was more fun, just that I have more ideas of what is fun.”

“Hmmm. Sounds the same to me, Levant.”

Lev shoved his face in Nik’s neck, whining, “Niiiiiiik.”

Nik bit Lev’s shoulder lightly. “Saying my name like that does not move me.”

That wasn’t fair. The feeling of Nik’s teeth in his shoulder went straight to Lev’s aching cock, and did nothing to help with the frustration of having the plug vibrating incessantly inside him. He whined in the back of his throat, saying, “Is me admitting it under duress really me admitting it, though?”

“Oh is this duress? I hadn't realized you were that delicate.”

“You call me delicate all the time, I’d think you knew this already.”

Nik’s response was to slide a hand between them, grinding the heel of his palm against Lev’s crotch. Lev gasped out a whimpered protest, squirming. The counter behind him kept him from going anywhere.

“Okay, okay, you're more fun, Nik, please."

Nik grinned. “Am I?”

“Yes,” Lev insisted, his flush creeping lower. “Nik.”

Cameron’s sharp, “Nikolas,” made Lev jump. He’d forgotten Cameron was still here. It made Nik step back, though. Lev wasn’t sure if he liked Nik not touching him at all, but it was a relief to get a brief respite. Other than that damned plug still going. Cameron was moving about, starting to set the table. He barely looked over as he said, “Go wash up.”

Lev eyed Nik suspiciously, waiting for more teasing, but Nik was heading for the bathroom. Lev slunk after him. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the teasing; normally he would have loved it, in an overwhelmed sort of way. But he would have felt very silly coming in his pants, and besides, dinner was almost ready and he didn’t want to annoy Cameron by delaying it just to change his pants.

After shuffling up behind Nik he pressed his nose to Nik’s shoulder, hoping Nik wasn’t annoyed. Judging by the wink, he wasn’t.

“Get washed up, Lev.”

By the time Lev was done, Nik was hovering in the doorway. Lev dried his hands quickly, and snuggled into Niks side as they headed back. Lev slowed a little bit when they got back to the kitchen, eyeing the table. He did not want to sit again, especially since Cameron still hadn’t turned off the plug.

Lev must have lingered too long, because to Lev’s surprise, the plug started vibrating harder. Or more. Or something. Lev snapped his gaze to Cameron, eyes widening.

“Sit down.”

Nik snorted as he sat down himself. Lev sank down in his chair, sitting gingerly. He poked at his plate, before starting in on his potatoes. He eventually glanced at Nik. “How’s Amara?”

“Depriving me of dick,” Nik said.

Lev blinked. He didn’t want to think about dick, not with how turned on he still was, and so he pressed, “I take it she’s okay? Is she bringing me my stuff?”

“Not any time soon, she isn’t. She’s in preheat.”

Lev stifled a groan, wiggling. “I don't know why she couldn’t-” He made a face. “Do you think one of you two could take me to get the stuff?”

“I’m sure if you ask nicely I might be so inclined,” Nik said.

Lev widened his eyes. “Could you? Please?”

Nik smiled at him a bit, letting Lev squirm until he finally said, “Yeah, sure.”

“Thank you,” Lev said, squirming again. “Tomorrow? Or is that too soon?”

Nik grinned. “I think I can manage to fit you into my schedule.”

Cameron spoke up. “Your schedule of fucking and sleeping and eating?” He arched a brow.

“In that exact order, yes.”

Lev snorted softly. He shifted his weight again, and began to cut up his steak. If nothing else, he was hungry. He’d been hungry at lunch, too. Maybe his body was finally catching on that someone was making sure he ate regularly. Didn’t quite distract him enough to keep him from wiggling in his seat. No matter what he did, he couldn’t quite settle in a way that let him ignore the plug.

Nik went on, adding, “I can fit him in between sleeping and eating, it should be fine.”

Cameron rolled his eyes at that. Which, fair enough. Nik was being ridiculous.

Lev ate a few more bites, wiggling a bit more before he said, “What did Mar-Mar need so desperately?”

“Apparently to not die of starvation.”

Lev opened and closed his mouth a few times, blinking at Nik before sighing. “I suppose that would be a very boring way for her to go,” he finally said.

Nik dropped his head in his arms. “If I wasn't such a good person I would have strangled her for the state of her kitchen. How dare she not have any food.”

Even Cameron looked disgusted. Lev just shrugged. “There’s a reason she always came to my house for dinner, not the other way around.” He squirmed a little, shaking his head. “That and only Reneé can cook in that household.”

Nik said, “I am offended,” right as Cameron said, “And yet she’s still alive.”

Lev wrinkled his nose. “Takeout is a thing,” he reminded them, standing.

“Disgusting,” was all Cameron had to say about that.

“Depends on the takeout,” Lev said. “I’ll be right back.”

As Lev was leaving, he heard Cameron mutter, “Considering the booze she drinks, I’d not hold my breath,” but he chose to ignore that.

Lev slipped into the bathroom and let out a small breath. Standing did make it a bit easier, that neverending buzzing that was the plug deep in him, but it didn’t do anything to ease the arousal constantly simmering under his skin. How long exactly did Cameron expect him to wear this?

He pressed his hand against his boner, but that just made it worse. Giving in, he fumbled with his pants, pushing his zipper down and out of the way so he could pull his cock out. Stroking it almost made things worse. He was so damn horny.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” Cameron’s voice startled Lev so bad he jumped. Cameron was leaning against the doorway, and something about his heavy stare made Lev flush.

“I was- jerking off?” Lev blinked, a realization building in his mind.

“Did I say you could come?” Cameron asked coolly.

“N-no?” Lev blinked again. “I thought that- oh. I- oh.”

To make matters worse, Nik appeared beside Cameron, looking amused. “What did you do?”

“I- I don’t-”

Nik’s grin grew. “Did you talk while he played the piano?”

“I- yes? I didn’t know-” Lev paused, frustrated.

Nik burst into laughter. “Oh you poor bastard.”

He glanced at Cameron, and then back to Nik, who was still laughing. “I’m starting to gather I wasn’t supposed to?”

Cameron’s brows rose fractionally.

“You could have just told me you didn’t want me to talk,” Lev tried.

“Do you not know how manners work?” Cameron asked.

Lev opened and closed his mouth several times before giving up. “I’m- I didn’t know. Won’t happen again,” he finally said helplessly.

Cameron pushed off from the doorway, turning to head back to the kitchen. “See that it doesn’t,” was all he said.

Nik gave a low whistle. “At least you got fucked.”

Lev pulled up his pants, making a face. “Can we go back to dinner? I’ll dig a hole to hide in later.”

“I think your holes are quite occupied, princess,” Nik said as he headed back. Lev scampered after him, grumbling.

----

The kitchen was clean, and Lev had this feeling that Cameron had something planned. Didn’t stop Lev from shuffling after them both to Cameron’s bedroom. He’d barely set foot in the bedroom when Cameron ordered, “Go put your collar on.”

Lev backed out of the room, touching his throat absently as he slipped down the halls. He hadn’t worn it once since Cameron had bought it for him, hadn’t been sure if he’d earned it, and the idea of wearing it now sent a hot thrill of desire through him. Which... didn’t help, really, because he was still so damn horny, and that plug was still going, and he was well aware of Nik following behind him.

It was right where Lev had left it, on top of his dresser. Lev picked it up, running his fingers along the smooth leather before turning to Nik. “Help me put it on?”

“Sure thing, princess.” Nik wandered over, taking the collar from Lev’s unprotesting fingers. Once it was in place, not too snug but not loose by any definition, Lev reached up, running his fingers along the leather again.

“Thank you,” he said faintly, letting out a small breath.

He flushed the moment he realized Nik was smirking at him. Ducking his head, he headed back to Cameron’s room, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets. Cameron was waiting, still dressed and sitting in his chair.

“Strip. Slowly.”

Heat coiled deep in Lev’s gut. He shrugged out of his hoodie awkwardly, and fiddled with it. “I- where do you want me to- to put everything?” He asked hesitantly.

“Floor,” Cameron said simply.

Right. Well then. Lev dropped the jacket on the floor, and then fumbled with Nik’s shirt until he got it off. He plopped down and started picking at the laces on his converse, wondering why in the hell he’d tied them so tight. The weight of the others’ eyes on him just made him flush deeper. He eventually managed to kick them off, and dropped them with the growing pile of clothes before he stood, pushing his pants down awkwardly. He hesitated only a moment before squirming out of his underwear last.

Only then did he lift his gaze to Cameron again, reaching up to touch the collar anxiously. There was something... he didn’t even know what, to be the only naked one in the room right now.

“Touch yourself,” Cameron ordered.

Lev’s brows furrowed. “...where?” he finally asked.

Nik snorted from where he’d drifted to settle behind Cameron to watch. Cameron arched a brow at Lev. It still took Lev a few moments to get it.

“Oh. Oh. Right.” He was pretty sure his blush was well below his chest by now. He didn’t think he’d ever touched himself in front of anyone before, and it was as awkward as he’d feared. His hand was jerky and unsure, but he was so turned on even that was enough he was quickly short of breath and tense. Holding Cameron’s gaze proved impossible, so he dropped his eyes to the floor as he did his best to obey while not pushing himself over the edge.

Lev was damn close to losing his self control when Cameron said, “Stop.” He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or not. After he lifted his eyes back to Cameron’s face, Cameron said, “Put your hands behind your back.”

Lev obeyed automatically. Even just watching Cameron slowly undo his tie had Lev’s breath catching in his throat. That wasn’t... that wasn’t supposed to be as hot as it was. Right? He tracked the tie as Cameron pulled it off and handed it to Nik.

---

Nik wordlessly took the black silk tie from Cameron and slipped behind Lev. He had his thumb on Lev’s quick pulse, his mouth on Lev’s neck while he watched the minute changes in Cam’s face as he tied Lev’s wrists together.

Nik could smell the amount of arousal on Lev and he wondered how much Cameron moved today’s events into place to get to this exact moment. This was what Cameron did, and he did everything with the razor sharp precision of someone who has been trained in these kinds of things for centuries.

Nik lightly bit into Lev’s neck as he finished knotting the tie. Lev trembled beneath his lips, his entire body holding back restraint. Nik could not blame him, he had been in this exact same position before- several times. And it was hard to not crumble beneath Cam’s icy eyes. All three of them were aware that there was one person in this room calling any and all shots and it was neither him or Lev.

Cameron tilted his head slightly to the side, pale blue eyes on Nik’s before sliding to Lev’s. The cold calculation in Cameron’s expression did not do any favors for the hardness between Nik’s own legs and if he wasn’t so damn afraid of ending up on the receiving end of Cam’s next punishment he’d whine about not being able to be fucked in this moment.

The fact Lev was the only naked person in the room only served to make him harder, and the small black remote in Cameron’s hand almost escaped his notice. The fact Nik wasn’t being filled right now had every complaint he had been building since this morning on the tip of his tongue. The only thing that stopped him was sheer self preservation and knowing Cameron would make the next solid week hell on earth.

Lev’s small, cracking, “Cameron, please?” had Cameron only notching the vibrator up another setting. Lev slumped back against Nik, his entire body trembling as he pressed his face into Nik’s shoulder, moaning.

Nik slipped a hand down Lev’s side, eyes still on Cameron’s borderline neutral face. Anyone would have thought Cameron looked uninterested, but Nik saw the amusement, the pleased look at Lev’s response, as if that was Cameron’s intention from the beginning. Nik bit into Lev’s shoulder before saying, “Can we move to the bed?”

Cameron seemed to consider it before nodding once. Nik turned Lev’s hips and propelled him forward onto the bed. “On your knees, Princess. Face in the bed.”

Lev almost seemed like he was made entirely out of jello as he did as ordered. Those golden eyes closed as he gave a low whine, turning and pressing his face into the silky black sheets. Nik looked in time to see Cameron taking his sweet time getting up from his seat. It was purely calculated and Nik was both horrified and impressed at the level he was willing to make Lev get to to be fucked.

Been there, Nik thought, dryly.

---

The sheets smelled like them both. That was all Lev could really think. He could barely think that. There was too much of everything, and Lev thought he might cry with how turned on he was. Another low whine built in the back of his throat just thinking about how much he wanted to come. There couldn’t be a higher setting on that plug, could there?

Lev hadn’t even noticed the bed dip under Cameron’s weight, but he certainly noticed when Cameron’s fingers tightened on his hair, pulling him up until he looked at Cameron. It still took a second for Lev to really focus on Cameron’s face. Only then did Cameron say simply, “Blow Nik.”

After processing what Cameron said, Lev sat up, twisting to peer at Nik. He slid off the bed, sinking to his knees in front of Nik. Faced with the fact that Nik was still fully dressed, Lev paused, blinking hard several times, before he hesitantly started using his teeth and tongue to undo the button on Nik’s jeans. It took him a couple of tries, but when he got the button undone and zipper pulled down, he was faced with another challenge. He had no idea how to get Nik’s dick out without his hands.

He stared too long, lost, and the plug’s vibration kicked up another notch. Lev lurched forward, his moan half a sob, his face pressed against Nik’s crotch as he panted. After gathering himself, he did his best, eventually managing to pull Nik’s cock free. Without hesitating, Lev dove in, working his way to the base quickly. He would have gone at it with reckless enthusiasm if Cameron hadn’t spoken up.

“Slowly,” Cameron said, voice silky smooth.

Lev whimpered, but slowed his movements, taking comfort in the hand Nik slid into his hair. Lev pulled back a little, licking and kissing his way up and down Nik’s shaft before going down on him again. He bobbed his head, slowly as Cameron had ordered, dragging the blowjob out. Nik’s fingers tightened in Lev’s hair, a low moan coming from both of them. It was easier, having something other than how fucking horny Lev was to focus on, and Lev took that to heart. Still, though, by the time Nik came down his throat, Lev was breathless and keyed up even more.

Eventually Nik moved out from under Lev. Lev all but slumped against the bed, breathing hard and whining softly. He wanted to come, or at least some sort of respite, and instead he was kneeling on the floor, face half smooshed against the side of the bed, gasping for air, and he didn’t even have anything to thrust against.

He slowly started to tense, realizing he had no idea where Cameron and Nik were. A shudder went through him. Was that it? He got Nik off, and now they were done? He... maybe that was part of the punishment? Lev could... he could handle that, he was used to that, but panic rose anyway, leaving him tense and trembling.

The plug went still without warning, and hands started pulling at the tie binding his hands together. Lev twisted a little, staring up at Nik and Cameron in confusion. His confusion only grew when Cameron asked, “What’s wrong?”

“I- I don’t-” Lev flicked a glance between them. They were both mostly undressed, which only made him feel worse. They hadn’t been leaving. He took a couple of gulping breaths, and then tried again. “I’m used to- I thought- or, I was- I was rememb- he used to just... leave me. Once he was done. I didn’t know- I didn’t know where you’d gone, and I just- I panicked.”

Cameron crouched, grabbing Lev’s chin as he said coldly, “I am not Remiel. I do not leave anyone unsatisfied and I do not take my own pleasure first.” Lev couldn’t read Cameron’s expression at all.

“We’re not leaving you, Lev. I promise,” Nik said.

Lev flushed, tears welling up. “I know you’re not him,” he said in a small voice. “I know. I wasn’t thinking, I was just- I’ve never reacted like- not ever with him, it wasn’t- I knew it wasn’t safe to- I know, and I know I’m safe with you. I just- I didn’t mean to. It was stupid.”

Cameron’s fingers slid into Lev’s hair. The action was awkward, but Lev took comfort from the contact anyway. “It’s not stupid, it’s a response.”

Nik pressed a kiss to Lev’s shoulder. “You’re safe with us.”

“I know. I- I know.” Lev took a shuddering breath, and wiped his cheeks hastily with his newly freed hands. “I didn’t- I didn’t ruin... this, did I? I don’t want to- I don’t want to stop, if you don’t.”

Cameron helped him up, settling him on the bed. “Then we don’t stop.”

Lev gave a soft sigh of relief, sniffling a little. “Okay,” he said faintly.

“How do you want to pick up? Do you just want to be fucked or do you want to go back to what we were doing?”

Lev blinked. “I want... I want to keep going. I liked it, I just- yeah. I want to go back.” He managed a smile, a little small but genuine. “I did talk a lot while you were playing.”

Cameron’s mouth quirked, just enough Lev couldn’t deny it was there. Something warm fluttered in Lev’s chest. He watched Cameron and Nik exchange looks, a conversation he couldn’t really follow, and then Nik took Lev’s hands, carefully tying them together again, in front of Lev this time.

Lev jolted a little when the plug buzzed to life again. Not near as intense as it had been when he fell apart, but it still startled him. He watched with wide eyes as they finished pulling off their clothes. Nik finished first, and was on the bed beside Lev in a heartbeat, mouth pressed to Lev’s skin. Cameron was a lot more deliberate, and Lev couldn’t help the way he tracked every single movement Cameron made. Between both of them and the plug going cheerfully, Lev’s erection, which had flagged somewhat, was back in full force. He moaned softly when Nik nibbled on his earlobe.

Nik’s hand dragged down Lev’s side, distracting him. Lev looked over as Nik stroked the inside of Lev’s thigh. When Lev leaned close, Nik kissed him. Another moan escaped Lev when Cameron climbed onto the bed beside him, his hands dragging firmly across Lev’s skin. He was getting lost in kissing when the vibrator kicked up a notch. With a small groan, he ducked away, pressing his face into Nik’s neck. Someone’s fangs pressed against his shoulder, making his breath catch harshly.

Lev found himself sliding into Nik’s lap, almost immediately rocking against Nik. Hands immediately held him still, drawing another whine from him. “Please?” he asked, plaintively, deliberately. “I just- I want- please?”

The only response was the plug’s vibrating growing more intense, and then even more so. Lev whimpered, shoving his face against Nik’s throat, squirming. Cameron’s teeth latched onto Lev’s shoulder- hard. He gasped, jerking, and then stilled obediently. He kissed up Nik’s neck apologetically, nuzzling under his jaw.

Cameron tugged at him until he slid off Nik’s lap. Lev quivered, breaths picking up in anticipation, especially as Cameron’s hands slid up his thighs, spreading his legs. Cameron tugged on the plug, sending a spark of arousal fizzling through Lev, only to shove it right back in. Lev swore he saw stars, and a low moan punched out of him.

Lev arched his back, trying to lift his hips in encouragement. Cameron simply pressed his hand against Lev’s hip, holding him still. Lev didn’t get a chance to protest. As Cameron set up an uneven, unpredictable pace, one Lev couldn’t adjust to, Nik hooked two fingers in Lev’s collar and dragged him up until Lev was in kissing distance again. Not even bothering to do anything but kiss back, Lev braced his bound hands on Nik’s chest, gasping for breath between kisses.

At some point it just became a blur of hands and touching and kisses and that damned plug, and being stretched one way, or another. Nik fucked him, he remembered that, and then Cameron pinned him to the bed and had his turn, his hand wrapped around Lev’s neck the whole time. Only when Lev was stuffed full of Cameron’s knot did he let Lev come. Lev damn near sobbed in relief, and it was probably the best damn orgasm he’d ever had.

It was only after he’d caught his breath, still locked together with Cameron that Lev realized he really had started crying. Silent, steady tears were sliding down his cheeks, the first real tears he’d had in weeks, and now he wasn’t sure how to stop.

Cameron hooked an arm around Lev’s side, his face pressed against Lev’s neck. Lev wondered if he should try to scoot closer, or pull away, but in the end he just... cried. Nik’s hand in his hair was a comfort, but it didn’t really do anything to stem the flow of tears. As far as crying sessions went, this was pretty mellow, his sobs soft. He wasn’t... it wasn’t hysteria, he just. He needed this.

Eventually they tapered off, and Lev was left sniffling softly. He tucked his face in Cameron’s neck, breathing deep. The scent of his alpha was steadying, calming. “I’m okay,” he said thickly. “I think- I think I’m done.” And now that he was he was exhausted.

Cameron looked down at him. “Are you?”

Lev considered that. “I mean... I think so? I’m always good for more crying, but... I think I’m done for now. I’m- I’m kinda tired, honestly.”

“I mean, you better be,” Nik said. When Lev looked over, Nik was smiling.

Lev turned his attention back to Cameron. “Yes. I’m done. I’m... better.”

Cameron hesitated, and then nodded. He pulled out, getting up. Lev winced a little, but couldn’t be bothered to move even a little bit. Instead he closed his eyes, letting out a tired sigh. He barely noticed when Nik cleaned him up, undoing the collar and untying his hands. At some point Nik lifted him from the bed and set him on the couch. Lev didn’t even whine, barely even opened his eyes.

When Nik scooped him up, he looped his arms around Nik’s neck loosely, sighing against Nik’s neck. The sheets he was settled against were cool, and clean. He let Nik shift him around however Nik needed, and then snuggled close. Behind him, he could feel Cameron getting in bed as well. Something clicked into place as Cameron settled. Lev didn’t even flinch as he felt Cameron’s fingers brushed along the scars on his back. This was right, was safe, was home, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

------

@idreamonpaper @livvywrites @incandescent-creativity @solangelo3088 @halstudies @firesidefantasy

[dealingdreams]

Okay TROS thoughts...here we go. I’m putting them all below the cut in case somehow you’ve avoided spoilers

so general thoughts...i didnt hate it nearly as much as i thought i would so thats pleasant but im gonna break it down more

things i liked:

Adam Driver.  just Adam. Fucking. Driver my dudes. This is like a backhanded compliment because JJ is so fucking lucky Adam was cast because the emotional depth of the film rested literally all on his shoulders for me. I only felt the weight if he was acting in a scene. 

I’ll admit im biased but I did adore the interaction between Finn and Poe. Their bickering amused me and the tenderness between them was wonderful...I think Oscar played Poe a bit jealous as well which i liked.

the Reylo scenes to me where beautiful. Ben never lied to her, she tried to deny it but she knew he never did. I loved that he was kinda guiding her, protecting her, loving her, and antagonizing her all at once. I loved how soft their kiss was, their smiles are literally the light of my life. Rey’s face when she healed him. Ben just staring at her as she tells him she did want to take his hand...just chef’s kiss

I loved the saber fights. Ben’s fight at the beginning was hot as fuck...and his fight as newly redeemed Ben Solo was even hotter somehow.

 I enjoyed the fight scenes between ben and rey! how often ben just let her walk away, and despite that one scene which i will mention below...i like i even tho rey was rather aggressive idk...it didnt really feel like she was trying to hurt him much either? i just think they had a lot of chances to kill each other and didnt take it...so i like that

i knew she was looking at ben in that clip i knew it...she only makes that soft face at him

I always enjoy stupid ass C3PO jokes for some dumbass reason

Han and Ben’s scene was heartbreaking and beautiful. Again tho JJ is fucking lucky to cast Adam cause recycling dialogue from TFA wouldnt have worked at all had Adam not been so fucking amazing

the save chewie hall blaster scene was fun 

i liked how fucking dramatic children ben and rey were with that damn ship lol...no im gonna force pull it...no im gonna...what dorks

while i didnt like the entire way the force bond was used i did enjoy seeing it still strong and growing

confirming canon soulmate reylo was a highlight

ben’s hair looked bomb

finn’s outfit was cool

Jannah was beautiful (please correct me if i misspell her name)

dark rey was glorious tho 

that new little droid is literally me so i adore it

that sith cave thing was really fucking cool looking 

the visuals of the film were most of the time stunning 

sooooo...now to what i didn’t like:

I think this first one is the most obvious for those who know me but...Ben’s death just feels so utterly useless to me. especially when they gave him a metaphorical death earlier in the film. i feel extremely hurt and betrayed. Disney has gone out of their way to make us sympathize with Ben Solo. They’ve revealed more and more of his past...how alone he was, the abuse he suffered from snoke and palpatine. just fuck...they just kill him...the moment he realizes he’s free and loved they end his life....literally WHAT THE FUCK. it’s a chicken shit way out of a redemption arc honestly. Not letting u just breath after his death was also so horrible. We barely got to see Rey mourn, we got a split second of it then it jumped to another scene...another second of her looking sadly at her sabor to have the moment interrupted 

tag on to above but...they didnt have him as a force ghost cause Disney is intentionally keeping where he is ambiguous so they can sell more shit which pisses me off so much

thats not how the force works

there couldnt have been that many sith could there??? cause like there can only be 2 at one time....fucking rule of 2 so how the hell were there that many

palps being like...see i actually want you to kill me...is ridiculous

rey palpatine is the most idiotic thing i have ever heard. Rey being a no one from no where was such an amazing thing. Just anyone can be strong in the force...you dont need royal blood to make you worth something....then they just retcon that??? the fuck I MEAN THE FUCK. 

Finn does nothing but worry about Rey the whole film. I know folks dont like his storyline in TLJ and while i understand that and do think it could have been written better i still adore it because Finn grew. He grew from just caring about a small group of people to caring about an idea to caring about something bigger than him. I didnt see any growth in his character in this film. His heroics were beautiful to see and I enjoyed seeing his heart but that was John’s acting more than the writing it think. 

sidelining rose was fucking disgusting 

the trio felt forced to me

the leia scenes didnt work for me honestly and they mostly just made me sad

bringing in lando now felt weird 

ive wanted force sensitive finn for a while but didnt feel right

why the fuck have finn want to tell rey something but never do...ugh i hate storytelling like that

they never explained how palps is back...he just is

rey stabbing ben felt odd to me. i loved the moment when she healed him, and i know technically her anger and darkside was coming out and she acted on instinct...nevermind that even before leia called out to him ben coudnt follow thru with the killing blow. 

....i’m sure i’ll think of more as i get angrier 

anyways over all...id be lying if moments didnt make me laugh or smile...if i didn’t feel a sense of nostalgia and enjoyment for 80% of this movie. The thing is that even with so much of it being enjoyable to me it still felt void. An action movie, with new characters, a confusing plot and very minimal emotional depth.

The emotion hinged soooo much on Adam or me. The biggest reason for that aside from that fact that Ben Solo is one of my all time favorite characters, is that the things Rey is dealing with in the film are directly related to her being a palpatine...and i HATE THAT. Like straight up wanna fling it into the sun. 

Rey never needed to be related to a force royal bloodline. She should have been allowed to remain strong because she was just strong. Kylo’s equal in every way, not because she was the granddaughter of a sith which btw you can’t inherit force powers. Retconing something so touching and unique from TLJ was just...fucking idiotic. All to please the loud but small misogynistic fandom that thought a woman couldnt be that strong on her own so she must be related to someone

The biggest thing....tho is killing Ben. it felt so unnecessary and just...i feel so betrayed. The interviews leading up to the film got my hopes up that i was worried for nothing. I always thought they’d kill him, because cinema seems to not know what to do with characters has tragic as him without just killing him in the end. we already got a redemption = death plotline in this franchise...why couldnt we get a redemption = life instead??? My friend who doesnt even like sw that much...tros was actually the 2nd sw fim she’s ever seen...thought it was unnecessary as well and agrees with me a lot about my feelings despite not having the same intense emotional attachment to him as me. She for a moment thought they’d be together at the end but nope. Its just...pointless to me now, the sacrifices han, luke, and leia made to reach Ben are for nothing. Their deaths...pointless...Ben means so fucking much to me. I’ve never felt such an intense emotional bond with a character before so im just hurting so fucking much right now.

Rey taking the name Skywalker isnt hopeful or cute its a slap in the face honestly...and it’s just weird! 

The last Skywalker died loved and held by the woman he loved and that is beautiful to me. He died happy and a hero thats a balm at least...but to not let him be the one to kill palpatine...after everything EVERYTHING he put him and his family thru was another just fuck...i wanted justice for him and he just got thrown away

Ultimately...Ben and Rey are soulmates and their force bond was severed. Palpatine didnt take that from them because he couldnt have...again not how the force works....but JJ used that bond to be a battery???? the fuck...but ultimately hes forcing Rey to live the rest of her days with a gaping wound in her soul. a wound unable to be filled and will be with her for the rest of her life...thats so fucking tragic to me. you give rey someone who is her equal, who understands her, and you take him from her and force her to be alone for the rest of her life?? and we are supposed to not see that as a tragedy? Her being fineishness at the end of the film seemed like direction from either the writing or in the moment, but just further proves he didnt bother to even understand the lore he was using. Force bonds were considered i quess legends in the current SW canon but Rian brought it back...so it’s back. and well

  "A bond between two living beings is not something easily broken. It is not a choice… it is like breaking a feeling. Like turning away from the Force. To break a bond, your feelings would have to change, or one of you would have to die—but even then, the bond wouldn't go away, it would simply… it would simply be empty, a wound."―Master Zez-Kai Ell[src]

and .... the only way to break it was to turn away from the Force, as Surik did on Malachor V. So basically it all came down to creating a wound in the Force”

sooo yeah...im pissed i’d give this movie a 1 1/2 out of 5 

thank you for those who have read my rantings! I hope at least some of this made sense

[missjackil]

My 14x20 Season Finale Opinion

Moriah

This was absolutely AMAZING!! It ranks in there with the Season 4 and 5 finales with me! Definitely one of the best!! I came away from 14x19 saying “ooooh my boys done fucked the fuck up!” and came away from this with “OMG MY BOYS REAAAALLLYYY FUCKED THE FUCK UP!!!!”  So without further ado, let's get to it.

Absolutely nothing I predicted to happen happened. Even with clues given from trailers, sneak peeks and spoiler shots, which is fantastic, because that means they can still surprise me, have not gotten too predictable, and the writing is STILL top notch!

I was completely and pleasantly thrown by the segment where no one could lie. This is the first finale that had a good strong dose of comedy, where it would seem to not fit but was so well done it was great! It was reminiscent of Lebanon which started off very light and humorous and quickly changed to deeply dramatic. Since the beginning, one of my favorite things about this show is its ability to take me through so many different emotions in just one episode.

We start off with a very angry Jack. Sam Dean and Cas looking on in terror as he emerges from the smoke. Sam, though a little terrified, actually shows a little relief that Jack made his way out. .Now Dean and Cas have at it, because Dean wants Jack dead and Cas does not. Which solidifies that this, season 14, is the first season in 10 years that had absolutely 0 Destiel moments (Thank you Dabb!!) not a welcome back hug, no “sex eyes” no stupid mixx tape... nada zip nothing :)  so while so many of you have bitched since Dabb took over in S12, that he's breaking down the brothers’ co-dependency and is a Destiel stan, he has proven both accusations wrong by a long shot. 

Now let's move on to the story.  Jack walks through town and hears everyone lying to each other. One of the first things we know he has learned is that lying is bad. He’s expressed this a few times that he is uncomfortable with it, now even without a soul, he doesn’t like it, so he orders everyone to stop lying, simply by shouting it. I knew this was going to be fun. 

Sam and Dean go to a facial recognition company to try to find Jack. Right away I notice that the sign says “Mirror Universe” and they hold the shot for a moment, making me wonder if this is something I might want to remember later. Not unlike in Lebanon when the boys walked up to the pawn shop and their reflections appeared over the sign “Precious Pawn”. Are these things a hint to something, like in 7x02 when Sam and Hallucifer/Dean got to the office building that was named “Morning Star Inc” (Lucifer is Latin for Morning Star)? Could just be a coincidence but Im going to put that on my “hmmmm” shelf. 

Right away Dean comments about the nerds and Sam says “Takes one to know one” and we know they can’t lie either. We learn Dean is not only a geek also, but watches Jeopardy every night, and Sam’s favorite singer is Selene Dion! This tickles me because I love learning new things about Sam, and my little wincest heart sighs at the thought of My Heart Will Go On, Because You Loved Me, and It’s All Coming Back to Me Now are songs maybe he thinks about Dean to?

On that note, I must include that my good friend @supernaturalnardog pointed out that in the early years, being made to tell the truth, led the brothers to say biting, resentful things about each other, and now it was just silly brother teasing. How much closer and trusting they have grown since those days 😍 

Meanwhile, we have Cas doing something that made no sense to me. After bitching at Sam and Dean about trying to contain Jack in the Malak box, he is now trying to get into Hell so he can see if he can put Jack in the cage?? Ummm sure yeah Cas, that's a much better choice.  Jack goes to find Kelly’s parents, and sadly, they don't like him anymore. They looked him up and no one heard of him, and Kelly’s peers believe she is dead. Grandmom believes Jack killed her. She screams at him and all we see are glowy eyes and STOP!! Ugggh did he just Mary Winchester another grandmom?? Back at the ranch, Chuck shows up agrees with Cas that Jack is a problem and they go meet up with Sam and Dean. Dean is automatically pissed and breaks Chuck’s guitar, the office is crazy with people telling the truth, so Chuck zaps them all back to the bunker to talk. Emotions rise from there...

Cas splits to go find Jack, Chuck talks to the boys makes them a gun that can kill anything, but the catch is, that whatever the gun does to someone else, it also does to the shooter. Dean takes the gun. 

After some monologuing between Cas and Jack, we go back to Dean in his room, filling a flask. Sam is looking for him, so Dean invites him in and asks him to have a seat. Here comes “the talk” that Sam must be all too familiar with now. Dean informs Sam that he’s going to kill Jack, and consequently kill himself as well. Looking for Sam’s approval, blessing, acceptance, or whatever, Sam isn’t having it this time. He admits he’s still angry with Jack and part of him still wants him dead too, but

 “Dean, we never even tried to save him!”  “He killed mom!” “He has no soul!” “And who’s fault is that?” I actually thought Dean was blaming Sam for a second, until Sam took the blame himself and Dean’s expression clearly showed that wasn’t what he was trying to say, he was trying to say it’s Jack’s fault he has no soul. 

Sam says it’s his own fault because he brought him back, and Jack burned his soul off saving both of their lives. So Sam tells Dean if he thinks hes going to give him permission to go kill Jack and himself, so he can lose them both all at once, then no... just no.... he’s lost too much already. Sam peaces out.

Sam meets up with Chuck and the meta here made me a little dizzy to be honest. Chuck reveals that Sam and Dean are his guys, of all the Sams and Deans in all the universes, they’re his favorite. They’re SO interesting. And now Sam manages to make me feel guilty about watching them over and over and even writing fic. I empathize with Chuck a little bit here because he “writes” them this way because they're his favorites. They’re the most amazing heroes ever, they save the world but to BE those heroes, they need to go through tragedy. Show of hands here how many of you Sam girl’s write or enjoy fics with hurt!sam? Or Dean girls who write/enjoy hurt!dean? Wouldnt it suck if the boys in your stories started yelling at you to stop it?? What a dark and crazy thought! And I empathized with Sam too, because of how much I love episodes like Red Meat because Sam is badass... but now hes kinda saying, “why did I have to suffer like that to show you Im a badass??” ya feel me fam?? 

Anyway. Sam gets very angry and then Chuck tells him Dean already left. Dean is at the cemetery about to shoot Jack with the special gun, and Sam doesn't want this, Jack is on his knees, telling Dean he understands and its ok. It flashed me back to the end of S10. Dean cant do it and drops the gun. Chuck is like “nooo pick it up this is the big Abraham sacrificing his only son on Moriah and Dean’s like “nope” and he doesn't even care if Chuck brings mom back in the trade. He’s done, Chuck can fekk off... Chuck’s like fine snaps his fingers and the lights all go out and Jack dies, Dean goes after Chuck and Chuck flings him hard. Sam is completely done, gets the gun and is like fekk all “Chuck dies, I die, Dean dies, the whole freakin universe dies... GAME OVER!” But (un)luckily Sam misfired. And dont @ me Sam and Dean both are crack shots, but they also miss pretty often. And Chuck, from what Ive seen between the show and the fandom said “If all you can do is bitch about the show? Welcome to The End” 

Now we are being shown all Sam and Deans hard work being undone. From the Lady in White in  1x01 to John Wayne Gayce’s ghost in Lebanon. All the demons rising and the graves spitting out their dead and ganging up on 2 pretty helpless Winchesters and a pretty useless angel. My boys done fUcKeD tHe FuCk UP!!!! Jack is in The Empty, he’s awake with The Entity and Billie... I cant even imagine where this is going. 

 Im fairly sure this storyline won't come to a close in a few episodes in the beginning of next season. Since its the final season (side eyes the haters who made sure of it by bitching and not just changing the damn channel like civilized humans would) it will probably be a season-long arc and have reconciliation between the boys and Chuck by the end. If we have learned anything from the past 14 years of this show, its that good intentions don't always turn out good, with love we can forgive some pretty bad shit, and unfortunately, we tend to hurt the ones we love most. 

Overall I think this was one of the best finales we’ve seen. I plan to write about and meta the crap out of what's gone on this whole season, because I think the season itself, aside from a few crapisodes, (which every season has) was by far one of the best!

So on a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon, Im giving this a 9. Well done everyone... well done!!

[harrypotterandthefandomaccount]

Thanks For the Landing

request: first love your account you doing amazing boo ♥️🤧 and B) I was wondering if you can do a Snape x reader where the reader is a amazing quidditch player and like on her last year of school during a game she gets knock out of her broom and like land on snape lap but he really don’t push her off and they kinda just have that “ oh shit “ moment and the reader just whispers low and says “ fuck it” and kisses him and well he kisses back bunch of fluff and like all this feelings ( if you can write it)

summary: you take a tumble off your broom while playing your last game ever of Quidditch at Hogwarts. That tumble landed you on Severus Snape’s lap.

warnings: none except one curse word, some trash talk but thats it

note: wow hey im back!! ngl i got very lazy and did not wanna upload but its only my last days of freedom before school so might as well. anyways, im sorry ive been gone but i not only got lazy but i have summer reading and volleyball so ig i have a kinda full schedule. i’ll be doing my v best to upload for yall! enjoy!

-

Usually on any other given day, the gold headband would feel tight and give you a headache. Though today seemed to be a different case. You didn’t feel the tightness of the band nor did you feel the throbbing of your head. All you felt was excitement.

Seven(7) years had flown by since your first day at Hogwarts and now here you were, playing your last Quidditch game ever. Well, just at Hogwarts. You figured you’d try to be a seeker for a professional team after school. However, you had figured that Professor Snape would not be happy with that answer.

He had always wanted you to persue potions; whether that included being his assistant or just something that included your gift of potions. That man had been your guide to the subject, refusing to see one look of struggle on your face. Severus Snape made sacrifices(at first, his patience) for you, then he knew these sacrifices had the most positive outcomes.

Never had he thought that staying after an extra hour to help you would make him see the light and love for potions through another’s eyes. You hadn’t openly expressed how important the subject was to you; Herbology and Charms, even Transfiguration had all been a breeze, yet Potions was one yet to conquer. Severus Snape never knew.

But now he does, and he wouldn’t change it for the world. Snape knew you had some worth, yet he wished he was more open about how proud he was. Feelings had never been his thing; keeping them hidden inside seemed like a better idea. Even so, Snape felt like he could trust you, and that he did. He touched you like he never had any other woman; with love.

Shame never clouded his mind when he touched you, even just a brush of your hair if it came too close to the cauldron. Snape’s heart pulled - no, strained - at the feeling of you but of course, only the law held you back. Graduation was only days away and the both of you couldn’t wait. Anticipation had now become one of your enemies.

Looking at the clock, exactly 24 seconds stood between you and the pitch for you two(2) seekers. Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw/Slytherin/Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw/Slytherin/Gryffindor had already started with being an intense game, chasers already getting penalties by other chasers. Keepers for your house kept their stance, ready to decide if they needed a fourth(4th) chaser or no.

Hearing a buzz drifted you out of your trance, hopping onto your broom quickly and making your way onto the field. Some of your fellow teammates had already scored points, but so had the other team. So far, the game was at 30-20, your house. Taking a breath, Madam Hooch made her way into the middle of the pitch and opened the box, quickly seeing the whizzing gold ball fly away.

Meeting eyes with the fellow seeker of the other house, you scurried and made way to find that snitch.

Your house now had possession of the Quaffle, hearing that kid Andre say over the microphone. Gripping onto your broom and pushing forward, you found yourself right behind the other house’s seeker. The snitch whirled off to the left, making itself very close to the columns holding the students. Staying comfortable behind the other seeker, you veered to the right to see how close they were to the snitch.

“Only a couple feet,” you said to yourself, hoping the ball would at least elevate itslelf a bit higher. Glancing down, you saw it was only about a ten(10) foot drop.

As if the snitch read your mind, it suddenly zoomed upwards, catching the other seeker off guard, almost crashing into a column. Laughing, you gripped your broom and flew up vertically then found yourself looking at the snitch upside down. Flipping, you dodged a Quaffle to the face as the other house scored another 10 points. “40-30,” you mumbled, making sure to keep your eyes on the fast ball.

You glanced to your side, seeing the other seeker right there. “Fancy weather up here, huh?” you asked, not hesitating to push them aside. They cursed, “you better watch your back, L/N!”

Pushing them one last time, the other seeker lost their grip on their broom and had to take a stop. With a chuckle, you looked around to find the snitch again; however, it had taken another stroll upwards. Now, you were face to face with all the students on higher ground, seeing a couple teachers stay in the elevated seats.

Your team’s beater had a bludger in hand, ready to knock down a player from the opposite team. Quickly dodging their way, you did a quick 360 to the right with a tight grip on your broom. The snitch was so close and the other seeker was nowhere to be found.

Noticing you were on the long side of the pitch, you decided to give a new idea a shot. Taking a deep breath, you made sure nobody was in your way; seemed like the snitch was doing the same thing. Holding onto the broom carefully, you slowly raised your left leg yet keeping your eyes on the snitch.

With an equal balance and a good eye, you raised your right leg along with your left arm. Only your right arm remained. Hearing gasps all around you had not helped your situation; “let go, let go, let go,” you mumbled, eyes not taking a glance away from the snitch.

Slowly, but carefully, you stood confidently on your broom, finding yourself just inches away from the fast ball.  Taking a step forward on your right foot, you reached a hand out to only feel the wings. You grunted, shifting your right foot to find yourself barely grasping the snitch.

“Come on,” you said to the snitch, leaning forward and just about to grab it until the other seeker shoved you right off your broom.

A yell escaped your lips as you closed your eyes, not currently looking to see what was in your hand. Gasps erupted all around you, students standing on their tip-toes to see if you were alright. Flying through air for only a bit, you were met with a rough but also cushion-y landing, hearing a grunt from below you.

Tired eyes met yours as you finally opened your tightly shut eyes. Brown eyes were filled with concern as you opened your mouth to say something, yet nothing came out.

‘Oh gosh,’ you thought, ‘I just landed on Severus.’

Snape slowly sat up from where he had been thrown back, one hand tightly wrapped around your waist. “Wait, wait,” you said, making him freeze. Everyone had grown silent in the pitch as you glanced around. Your hand had still been closed and the snitch was nowhere to be seen.

A smile made its way onto your face as you felt a flutter in your hand; opening your hand, there it was! The golden snitch flew up from your hand as Madam Hooch blew her whistle, “150 points to Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw/Slytherin/Gryffindor!”

Andre excitedly yelled into the microphone, “that’s the game! Y/N L/N caught the snitch! 150 points to Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw/Slytherin/Gryffindor!”

Cheers from your house and everyone around you made you laugh with joy, realizing you had won your house your last ever Quidditch game. “Congratulations, Miss Y/N,” Snape said, you still very comfortable on his lap with an arm around your waist.

A chuckle left your lips as you carefully brushed a hair from his face, “sorry for landing on you. . .very harshly, might I add.”

With a careful hand, Snape fixed your hair and straightened out your robes, “never an issue. You can land on me anytime.”

Laughing, you ignored the cheering from all the students and teachers about the game. Biting your lip, you giggled and whispered, “fuck it.” With that, you leaned forward and kissed Severus right then and there. No care in your body stopped you, no hesitation whatsoever.

You felt him chuckle within the kiss, tightening his hold on your waist. His long hair came in contact with your face, making you kiss Severus even harder. You no longer wanted to hide, wanted to keep it secret. You loved Severus Snape and gosh, did he love you. If this was how your last Quidditch game ended, you could not wait for Graduation.

[vernonfielding]

Life Writes Its Own Stories

Chapter 15 (of 16!). (Also on AO3.)

Amy squinted into the glittery sunlight that filtered through the trees across the street from where they sat. She could have lifted a hand and shielded her eyes, or turned her body away from the glare, but she was so comfortable for the moment and she didn’t want to move. She blinked lazily instead, letting her eyes water and her vision go slightly blurry.

Jake’s good arm was thrown over her shoulder and he’d pulled her close to his side, almost possessively. His thumb drew distracted circles on her upper arm, and the slow rise and fall of his chest was soothing, even if he hadn’t been the one to stop breathing. She was aware of Jake talking to Commissioner Wuntch, could feel the rumble of his voice from where she was pressed against him, and the journalist in her thought she should be paying attention to what they were saying, but the kidnap-slash-overdose victim really didn’t give a shit.

Waking up after the overdose had been bizarre and confusing but not painful, and there were surprisingly few side effects from either the Jazzy Pants or the Narcan. The narcotic effect had been instantly gone, replaced by a vague sort of panic, like something was wrong but she couldn’t bring herself to care. The paramedics had made her lie on the floor of the penthouse, breathing flat-tasting oxygen through a mask, until they felt confident that she wasn’t going to need another shot of the overdose antidote. Only then had they let her sit up, then stand, and finally walk out of the building with Jake.

She wasn’t sure how long they’d been outside now. Someone had led them to a bus-stop bench – Amy had distantly wondered if a bus driver might mistake them for actual riders – and blankets had been draped over their shoulders, because Jake was only wearing a T-shirt and Amy had forgotten her jacket at work and it was December, after all. When Amy had started shaking, from cold or emotion or both, Jake had reached for her without a word, pulling his blanket over both of them and tucking her head under his chin.

Now, she just wanted to stay right here on this bench, with Jake, forever. Or until she had to pee or something.

“Santiago!”

Amy looked up at the familiar voice, and saw Terry waving madly from across the street. He said something to a cop manning the perimeter that had been set up around the penthouse building, and to Amy’s surprise the cop lifted the yellow tape and let Terry duck under it. Amy felt a jolt of annoyance – cops never let reporters beyond the yellow tape at a crime scene. Or they never let her, anyway.

Terry jogged up to their bench, and right away her irritation was replaced by a flood of affection from the way he was looking at her, his brows turned down in concern. He crouched in front of her and peered into her face, and rested one large hand on her knee.

“How’re you doing?” he said, all gentle warmth. Amy’s eyes immediately filled with tears. “Hey, don’t do that, it’s okay.”

“I know,” Amy said, sniffling and trying desperately to keep herself together. Jake had stopped talking to Wuntch, who was yelling at someone in the distance, and he squeezed Amy’s shoulder. “I’m fine,” she said, to both of them. “I really am.”

Terry smiled kindly at her, then looked up at Jake and beamed. “Peralta! How are you doing, man?”

“Okay for being kidnapped and stabbed, Sarge.”

“Wait-” Amy sat up straight and looked between the two of them. “No. You two do not know each other too.”

“Sergeant Jeffords was one of my instructors in the academy,” Jake said.

“Oh no no no,” Amy said. “That is impossible. Terry’s a journalist. He’s a newspaper editor.”

“Oh! This is your editor Terry?” Jake’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Wow, I had no idea you ended up at the Bulletin.”

Amy was shaking her head slowly, her exhausted brain struggling to keep up. She said, “How did that even happen?”

“After my girls were born, there was an incident-” Terry paused, and Amy got the sense he was trying to figure out how to shorten a long, or possibly embarrassing, story. “Basically, I was too scared to do field work anymore. I tried riding the desk but it was too depressing, so I left and got into journalism instead. Terry always did love newspapers.”

“This is insane.” Amy pulled away from Jake a bit, just enough to look him in the face. “Do you literally know everyone I work with?”

Jake shook his head. “Just Gina, Charles and I guess Terry. That’s gotta be it.”

Amy spotted Holt just then, crossing the street. She looked quickly between the two of them as Holt approached, holding her breath until they were face to face. Their eyes met, and they seemed to appraise one another, and then Holt said, “Raymond Holt, editor in chief of the Bulletin. You must be Amy’s detective-friend.” And Amy let out all her breath at once.

“Holt!” Rosa appeared just beyond his shoulder. “I wasn’t expecting you here.”

“Wait, Rosa knows Holt?” Amy said to Jake.

“No, she called him last night, when she was looking for us,” Jake said.

“Yeah, and also, I’m dating his niece,” Rosa said.

Jake frowned and stared between them, and Amy was glad that apparently she wasn’t the only one feeling a little sideswiped. “Wait, so-”

“Rosa’s friend Melanie is my sister’s daughter,” Holt said. “An amusing sidenote: Rosa also dated my nephew, Marcus.”

Amy gave up then and sank into Jake’s chest, and he folded the blankets securely around her. She could feel the laughter in his chest as she smiled and closed her eyes. What a strange little family she suddenly had.

+++

Their friends dispersed once the paramedics returned from treating the more seriously injured – the Vulture and Mr. Tall, Amy thought to herself, with a slightly manic chuckle – to transport Amy and Jake to the hospital. Wuntch approached them too, Scully at her heels; he was eating chicken wings out of a bucket, which he was sharing with Hitchcock. Amy watched them dully for a moment before blinking and deciding she might still be high after all.

She looked back at the commissioner instead.

“You did good work, Peralta,” Wuntch said, arms crossed over her chest. “I knew I was right to leave you and Diaz in the Nine-Nine.”

Jake stared blankly at her, and then his eyes widened, almost comically. “Oh my god, it was you. You kept rejecting our transfer requests.”

“Someone had to keep an eye on that jerkwad.” Wuntch nodded at Amy. “Thank you for your help, Ms. Santiago. You’re not a nightmare of a person, for a journalist.”

“You’re welcome?” Amy said, but Wuntch was already stomping away.

The paramedics took them to the hospital in one ambulance, but they were separated as soon as they got to the emergency room. It happened so fast that Amy didn’t realize Jake had been taken away until she turned to ask him if she’d be getting her phone back eventually, and he was gone. Amy paused mid-step, blinking at the spot where she’d expected him to be, until the nurse escorting her to an exam room took her gently by the elbow to lead her on.

She was hooked up to a machine to monitor the oxygen in her blood and her heart rate and blood pressure – it was just a precaution, the nurse assured her – and then told to rest. She fell asleep so fast she didn’t remember the nurse leaving the room.

When she woke up, Charles was standing so close to her bed that she yelped and batted him away, which caused the oxygen clip to fly off her finger, which in turn caused an alarm to go off and a new nurse to come storming in, and it was so chaotic that Amy’s heart rate shot up and set off a different alarm. The nurse offered Amy a sedative to calm her down, but she definitely did not want any more drugs so she said no and worked on breathing deeply in between glaring at Charles.

“I’m sorry,” he said, when the nurse had finally decided Amy wasn’t about to have a heart attack and left them alone. “But Gina wanted me to check if you were awake yet.”

“Gina?” Amy said, vaguely.

“Yeah, she needs a quote.” Amy stared at him some more. “For her story. On the whole Vulture drug ring thing. And, you know, the kidnapping and-” He trailed off, and awkwardly turned his cell phone over in his hands.

“She wants a quote. From me,” Amy said. Charles nodded. “What time is it?”

Charles turned the phone up in his palm and checked the time. “About 15 minutes to deadline.”

“Wait, what? How long have I been asleep?”

“Almost six hours,” Charles said.

Amy flopped back in the bed and stared up at the ceiling. After a moment of Charles twitching in her peripheral vision she held out a hand to him. “Call Gina and give me your phone.”

+++

Not long after she talked to Gina – who told her her quotes were boring, and Amy didn’t disagree but also was too tired and foggy to care – a doctor came by and said she could go home. Charles announced that Jake had instructed him to look out for Amy and make sure she got to her apartment safely, and to stay with her overnight if she felt like she needed company. (Amy thought that Jake probably hadn’t counted on Charles telling her all of that.) She told Charles she’d be fine on her own, but she’d be happy for the ride.

First, though, she wanted to see Jake.

It was getting close to 7 by the time she left the ER and headed into the main hospital, where Jake had been admitted for the night. A uniformed cop stood across from his room on the second floor, and it was after visiting hours, so it looked like Amy wasn’t going to be allowed in. She was just gearing up for a tantrum or a panic attack – she hadn’t committed to either – when Rosa appeared with a cup of coffee in hand and told the cop that Amy would just need a few minutes. Either because Rosa was in charge or just scary, the uniform didn’t argue.

The lights were dim, and Jake’s face was mostly in shadow. He was out cold, and even in the darkness she could tell that he was still too pale, and his eyes were bruised with exhaustion. He’d changed into a hospital gown and his right arm was bound securely to his chest; he had an IV in his left forearm, but it wasn’t attached to anything at the moment.

She carefully picked up his hand and rubbed her thumb over his knuckles, then bent over and kissed him on the forehead, just above his eye. His eyelids fluttered and she was afraid, and also hopeful, that he was going to wake up, but he slept on. She stood and watched him for a while, until Rosa came in to tell her it was time to go home.

+++

Amy slept hard that night and woke at dawn. Charles was passed out on her couch when she shuffled into the kitchen; she’d conceded to him staying after she’d seen the police car parked across from her building and remembered there was still one more kidnapper on the loose. On her coffee table was a note in his familiar copy-editor print, instructing Amy to come to the 82nd precinct first thing in the morning to talk to the detectives handling the Pembroke case.

She tried calling Jake at the hospital before she left, but the phone in his room just rang and rang.

Amy figured the Eight-Two was handling the case because the Nine-Nine obviously couldn’t be trusted to investigate its own captain – so she was pleasantly surprised to find Rosa at the precinct when she showed up at 9. When she asked Rosa about it, Rosa just said, “Jake’s my partner,” and led her to a meeting room.

The interview itself was exhaustive and exhausting, and when Amy finally was set free at noon, she was tempted to go home and sleep again. She asked Rosa if Jake was coming in to be interviewed later in the week, and Rosa said he was scheduled for that afternoon.

“So he’s been released from the hospital?” Amy said.

“Yeah. This morning.”

He could have called, Amy thought. But then, she didn’t have her cell phone – the detectives on the case said they were keeping it for evidence. Maybe he already had called. Maybe he was wondering where she was too.

After that, she decided to go into work. She didn’t need to be alone.

+++

“Santiago! What are you doing here – go home!”

Terry’s yell cut through the din of the newsroom as Amy walked toward her desk. She gave him a little wave and sat down across from Gina, who leaned forward and said, in a conspiratorial whisper, “You’re such a nerd.”

“What? Gina, I literally shot a drug dealer in the kneecap yesterday and was given a nearly fatal overdose of a brand-new street drug – that is not nerd behavior.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty dope, but your FOMOW is not.”

“I do not have FOMOW,” Amy said. “What is FOMOW?”

“Whatever you say, nerd.” Gina sat back in her chair and clicked her pen. “Now c’mon, I’m writing the follow-up story today and you’ve got to give me all the deets.”

So Amy spent another hour describing the events of the day before. The detectives at the Eight-Two had asked her not to talk to any reporters, to which Rosa had actually laughed out loud, and Amy had made them no promises. She told Gina almost everything now, except for two or three details that the cops had insisted be kept out of the press, at least until they were further along in their investigation.

After she talked to Gina, Amy called Jake at home again (still no answer) then gave a couple of brief phone interviews to the Bulletin’s competitors – there was something deeply satisfying about telling the New York Times reporter that she had no further comment five minutes into their conversation – and scheduled another appearance on The Brian Lehrer Show for the next day. Her inbox was flooded by the time she found a minute to check her emails, and she clicked out of it after doing a quick search to see if Jake had sent anything.

Charles took her out for a late lunch – everyone else was on deadline, mostly writing about the Vulture takedown – and when they got back to the newsroom, Holt called for her to come to his office. Amy couldn’t resist calling Jake first; she hung up after three rings.

“Close the door,” Holt said, when Amy entered his office. Her gut did a slow roll. He only closed the door for very serious conversations.

When Amy was seated in front of his desk, he asked how she was doing, and Amy said she was tired but otherwise fine. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything that happened,” she said, feeling somewhat shy.

“That’s understandable,” Holt said. He studied her for a moment. “You realize I have to take you off of the police beat now.”

Amy sighed, but strangely, his words actually eased some of her tension. She was disappointed, but she’d expected this, after all. “I do, sir.”

“Santiago.” Holt folded his hands on his desk, and his face softened gradually until he looked almost affectionate. “Amy. This reassignment is not a reflection on your work. You are a most promising reporter. Your attention to detail, your persistence, and your eye for a good story are all remarkable. But what makes you stand out is your commitment to telling the full story – to exploring the gray area between the black and white.”

Amy could feel herself blushing from her forehead to her toes. She was dizzy with pride, her head buzzing from it.

“Thank you, sir. That means-“ She paused and took a deep breath. “It means everything.”

Holt nodded sagely. Then he smiled a bit and said, “Not that it’s any of my business, but I think that is why you and this detective make a good team.”

“How so?” Amy truly had no idea what he was talking about – she wasn’t even sure if she and Jake were a team anymore, romantic or otherwise. Just because they had comforted one another through a terrible ordeal didn’t mean they were together, or back together, or whatever.

“Your pursuit of the truth, and your faith that you’ll get there,” Holt said. “I don’t know your friend Detective Peralta personally, of course. But that he risked his life and his career to take down his own captain shows impressive strength of character.”

“Well, in fairness, Jake really hated Pembroke,” Amy said with a smirk.

“As well he should have.”

But Amy understood what Holt was saying, and she didn’t disagree. She supposed that she and Jake did share more than one or two key values – values that defined them, even, and that they sought and cherished in one another.

She was repeating his words over in her mind (and still basking in his praise) when Holt began tapping a pencil on his desk, snapping her out of a haze.

“Though it’s unfortunate that you got caught up in this whole drug ring boondoggle, I have to admit, it’s given us quite the advantage on this story,” Holt said, as though he were thinking out loud. “Even Wuntch has been grudgingly giving us information. And she’s basically just a skin-suit stuffed with gremlins.”

Amy stared at him, completely at a loss at how to respond to any of that. Finally she said, somewhat faintly, “You know Commissioner Wuntch?”

“She was a source of mine back when I was a reporter,” he said. “Things didn’t end as well for us as they did for you and Detective Peralta.”

Amy nodded vaguely. “I see.”

“Dismissed, Santiago.”

+++

Unfortunately, even Holt’s accolades withered under Amy’s growing anxiety over Jake. As the afternoon faded to evening, she tried to keep herself busy and distracted. She went through all of her emails, and she read every word of news coverage she could find on the Vulture situation. (The Bulletin’s coverage was the best, by a longshot.) She made a list of potential follow-up stories, most of which she wouldn’t be able to do because she was too close to it all.

At the same time, she lost count of the calls to Jake’s home and the many messages left for him at work – at the Nine-Nine and the Eight-Two. She called Rosa enough times that she started sending Amy straight to voicemail. Jake’s cell phone voicemail was full by mid-afternoon, but she kept calling anyway. She sent him multiple emails, and even stole Charles’ phone to send a few texts.

She was trying not to think worst-case scenarios. But it had been a full day since she’d seen him, longer than that since they spoke. It was hard not to worry when she felt like she was  crawling out of her skin with the need to hear from him (and see him and touch him, smell him even) and yet, he hadn’t reached out to her. Her desk phone had been ringing all afternoon, and in fairness, she hadn’t been able to pick up every time, but not once was it Jake’s voice on the other end. The rise and fall of hope each time she answered was making her physically ill.

By 7:30 it was starting to hit her that she was going to have to endure this stress at home, alone, when the new copy desk intern approached her desk, his face flushed and splotchy like he was incredibly nervous. She wanted to take pity on him but she couldn’t call up the energy, so she just looked up at him expectantly.

“Amy Santiago?” His voice cracked – on both names.

“That’s me,” Amy said with a sigh.

“Uh, hi.” Beads of sweat were pearling on the poor kid’s forehead. “I’m such a huge fan, your story on the jail recordings was awesome, and I just know you’re going to write something amazing about, you know, this drug stuff.”

“Well- thanks,” Amy said, genuinely touched.

“Anyway, I- I took down this message for you earlier, and then I forgot-” He held out a slip of paper torn from a reporter’s notebook, and Amy snatched it from his hand so quickly he jumped.

“A message? From today? Why are you just giving it to me now?” But Amy ignored his reply and read the note.

It said, “Meet at the park. 7 p.m.”

Amy grabbed her jacket and her purse and raced for the door. She heard the intern calling after her and thought she should have at least asked his name. But then again he’d sat on a message from Jake for who knew how long, so the kid was basically dead to her.

She ran outside and practically jumped in front of the first cab she saw, planting her hands on the hood and then pulling open the passenger door before even checking to see if it was available.

“The park!” Amy called through the glass partition. When the driver just raised an eyebrow at her in the rearview mirror she nearly growled. “Fort Greene. By the way, I shot a man yesterday. Make it fast.”

CHAPTER 16

[wongpuppy]

FATED, huang xuxi

↳ Rating lots of fluff + slight crack

↳ Pairing player!Xuxi x Y/N

↳ Word count 5k [ one-shot / soulmate!au ]

↳ Summary the red thread of fate was real after all, managing to make something out of nothing

Red Thread of Fate: ancient Chinese mythology about the lunar matchmaking god Yuè Lâo tying a red thread around the ankles of destined lovers at the age of 21; regardless of place, time, or circumstances.

The DJ played hectic, bass heavy EDM tracks that contrasted drastically to the semi formal themed party. You down the red of the alcoholic contents in the red solo cup with a wide smile, turning to your best friend Ella.

“Thank you for forcing me to come! I’m having the time of my life!”

Stress has been your closest best friend lately, with all the exams and projects being thrown at you. So when Ella asked you to go out with her, you were definitely more than hesitant at first.

You throw your hands in the air and Ella smirks at you. “I told you you’d have a blast.”

The sea breeze flows through your hair when you close your eyes and throw your head back, appreciating the open decked yacht and everything this extravagant party had to offer. You were on some random yacht off the coast, still close enough to be able to see the city. The moon was completely full tonight, high and dominating the entire sky.

Your tipsy mind free from troubles and bad thoughts. You felt reborn the moment the time went past midnight.

The DJ announces that it was midnight and the crowd cheers heavily and you join, not really knowing why exactly the mass of people were going crazy.

“You never did tell me what club this is or event this was, you know.” You take another cup of beer from the bar and chug the whole thing down in one go.

Ella’s eyes widen at your question and she laughs nervously, sipping on the cup in her hands. “Funny story, Y/N.”

You motion for her to go along whilst nodding and dancing to the song the DJ played, not really focused on what she was saying.

“This isn’t a club or event.” She sighs and avoids your gaze. Eun says the next sentence quick and all in one breath, knowing exactly how you’re gonna take it. “Its Xuxi’s yacht, and he’s now officially 21!”

Your best friends throws her hands in the air as if to cheers, but you felt every ounce of alcohol fade once she mentions the younger boys name. Whether it was the tequila shots or just how much you hated him, your hearts been racing ever since Xuxi was brought into the conversation.

You knew you could never date a guy younger than you, even if it was just a few months younger like him.

“Are you fucking with me?” Your arms are immediately crossed against your chest as you stare at Ella with a narrow gaze.

Needless to say, Xuxi and your relationship was pretty worse for wear. You loathed him, his intensely cocky personality and ‘i’m richer and better than you’ attitude was a complete turn off. Everything about Huang Xuxi was a complete turn off.

“He invited us.” She shrugged. “You were having so much fun before I mentioned it was his party.”

Invited us? Give me a break. As far as you could tell, Xuxi hated you almost just as much as you hated him. He sneered at you whenever he saw you and even gave you the nickname Top Bitch. Which, to be honest, didn’t really sound all that bad to you.

“Exactly.” You sigh and feel a headache come out of nowhere, leaving you clutching your right temple. “I’m allergic to even the slightest mention of him, I just got a headache. I’ll be back, don’t think you’re in the green.”

You move past the crowd to get towards the bathroom, or anywhere that was at least somewhat quiet. Going inside the large living room, you walk towards a bathroom but when you knock and only hear explicit noises on the other side; you cringe and leave. So you go towards the main bedroom instead, walking in when no one answers your knock.

The empty and quiet room let you release a sigh in happiness, massaging your temples. Contemplating laying down on the large and inviting white bed, you go to the bathroom instead; only feeling your temples throb even more.

You wince as you walk towards and pull open the door to the bathroom only to jump back and shriek at the sight.

None other than Huang Xuxi was leaning against the sleek marble sink, clutching his forehead until he jumped at the sound of the door opening and a girly squeal. You watch him groan and wince before turning to you.

But, amazingly once you connect eyes, the throbbing pain is gone and all you feel is relief. Your shoulders relax, your head feels light, its like a wave of serenity flows all through your body. You couldn’t help but feel so at ease, its like you forgot who you were currently gawking at.

“Y/N?” Xuxi looks at you with dazed, confused eyes before looking you up and down, iris’ doubling size at the sight of your feet. “Oh my god.”

You quickly look down and you instantly get why, mouth falling open.

Your black minidress and strappy black heels allowed for a thin, glowing red thread to wrap and tie itself around your ankle. But it didn’t stop there, you watched in horror as it continued onto the bathrooms tilled floors and under Xuxi’s pants, presumably to tie around his ankle.

You swallow thickly. The string felt like nothing but Xuxi and you could definitely see it, the vibrant red surrounded by a bright white light.

“What the hell is going on? Did you do this? Is this some sort of joke?” You stare at the last visible end of the thread before it disappears under the tall, irritating boys pants. He sighs, still staring at your ankle and the ribbon with a disbelieving look.

“No, princess, its a stupid fairytale my dad used to tell me. Guess its fucking real, huh.” Xuxi squeezes his eyes shut and you’re stood there in the doorway between the bedroom and bathroom still in shook. “Red thread of fate, a Chinese myth about a string that ties around two fated lovers ankles. We’re... We’re soulmates.”

The two of you stare at each other with disbelief written all over your faces, before you burst into laughter. “Thats a joke right? You’re definitely messing with me.”

When Xuxi continues to stare at you with his wide brown eyes, your laughter soon fades when you realize his facial expression wasn’t changing at all. Your face falls and you quickly reach down to your ankle, trying to pull at the string. Your hand just goes through it, as if it was just a hologram.

Your jaw drops. “H-How?”

“I don’t know.” Xuxi replies, eyes watching your hand go through the thread, yet the thread followed your foot wherever it went. “This... This is so fucked up.”

You grumble and give up, sitting on the floor and careful not to flash that guy-your soulmate your undies. Crossing your arms across your chest, the both of your eyes set on the thread connecting the two of you. You swallow thickly when a thought comes to your mind.

“Why aren’t you calling me Top Bitch?”

Thats when you fully take notice that this whole hour consisted of a very different Xuxi, one that hasn’t called you any names or threw a comment at you. He hasn’t cursed at you, hasn’t given you any looks, this was definitely unusual for Xuxi. This Xuxi was full of big, brown eyes that seemed to be permanently dazed. His words were softer, almost as if Xuxi’s voice got gentler the second he turned 21.

Xuxi’s eyes whip to yours and they’re obviously wide. “Holy shit. I haven’t called you that.” He swallows thickly and quickly looks away from your gaze with pink on his cheeks. “I don’t feel like I want to anymore.”

For the first time in the whole three years you’ve known Xuxi, your heart flutters for a second. But that one second is so profound it leaves you clutching your chest and shaking your head slowly.

“What is going on with me?”

“You’re falling for me, Y/N.” Xuxi lightly smirks for the first time since the two of you locked eyes, which is very surprising. He sighs a second later and taps the sink. 

“Shut the fuck up.” You sneer at him and scrunch your face. “This is all my drunk mind and everything will wear off in an hour or two.”

Xuxi sits on the floor leaning against the sinks drawers. “Enjoying my party?” He’s sitting across from you and the end of his feet reach your knees where the ends of yours reach the middle of his calf. You take a quick inhale and look away.

“I guess. Then this crazy migraine came out of nowhere and now I’m here.”

“Same here. But its completely gone now.”

That definitely meant your headaches were connected. There was no way the both of you could get a headache at the same time then have it leave at the same time. 

The red thread. 

Your eyes narrow and you go to nudge his calf, but once your foot touches his leg, it was like adrenaline flew through your bodies, goosebumps instantly rising. And when you looked at the thread, it started to slowly loose its vibrancy. Your eyes widened.

“Xuxi, look, if we’re touching the string gets dimmer and fades really slowly. If I pull away it stops.” You show him and nod to yourself with a small grin. “So it should fade away the more we’re touching.”

When you look up at Xuxi, he looks as if he was daydreaming but looking directly at you. His lips were in a small side smile and eyes low. The way he managed to look at you pretty intimately made your cheeks pink. “I think that’s the first time you’ve said my name.”

“Thats definitely not true.” You scoff and can’t help but laugh under your breath. Xuxi’s grin widens just a little at the sight.

“Lets just say it was then.”

Your grin is unbearably wide and you couldn’t believe it, never once thinking Xuxi of all people would be making you blush. But then you remember that it was Xuxi and you clear your throat and rolled your eyes. “Please, Xuxi, how many other girls have you used that on?”

“If I’m being completely honest, a lot.” Xuxi twists the rings on his fingers and you scoff loudly. When you sit up to leave, he leans forward and lightly grasps the back of your calf and you let out an audible gasp.

It was crazy, it felt like butterflies that took a lot of steroids.

“But up until an hour ago, I’ve only been thinking about one girl and its only been you.” You’re standing up and you swallow thickly at the honesty in his voice and big, brown eyes. “Which is fucking insane because we’re supposed to hate each other... right?”

You run your hands through your hair and sigh. “Its this red string thing. But the feelings aren’t real, it’ll all fade, look.”

You point to your ankles and the slightly faded string but Xuxi keeps his eyes on you, swallowing thickly at your sentence.

“Don’t you... don’t you feel like this is something more?”

Your eyes snap back up to Xuxi’s and your throat goes dry. He immediately gets up and motions between the two of you. “I don’t know about you but I’ve never felt anything like this before and I’ve been in love, so, this is different.”

You narrow your eyes at him. Xuxi? In love? That was an idea you never would’ve connected. Yet, you couldn’t help but agree. Even if you’ve never really been in love, you’ve felt it and knowing exactly how much you hated Xuxi, whatever was still keeping you in the bathroom with him was powerful.

“Why us?” You sigh and squeeze your eyes shut. “I’m soulmates with a guy who sleeps with a different girl every night!”

“Hey.” Xuxi frowns and takes a few steps towards you. “Thats not true. You know I won’t do that to you, I’m not that type of guy in relationsh-“

This Xuxi was definitely one that you aren’t used to, seeing him in a completely different light. It was as if he really did care.

“I don’t know that you wouldn’t do that to me!” You point a finger to his chest and ignore the sparks that go off from the smallest contact. “And don’t talk about us in a relationship, take a few steps back.”

He rolls his eyes and holds his hands up, moving back and away from you. And even though you know you asked him to move back, you couldn’t help but feel a loss of comfort the more steps Xuxi took. You groan at the feeling.

“I need air.” You mutter, taking one last fleeting look across Xuxi and his big, wide eyes before walking out of the bathroom and bedroom, and out towards the empty front deck. The entire walk your eyes were focused on the red string around your ankle.

No one else seemed to notice the string, as it followed your ankle through the mass of people. When you got to the deck, you take a deep breath and sigh. The three years of unfortunate encounters with Xuxi and you could be compared to a cat and dog type of relationship. The two of you went at it back and forth, ever since you first met.

Three years ago

You and your friends were at some random dorm hall on campus, playing pool and chilling in the community game room. It was around 9:36pm on a Sunday so campus was almost empty, save for the guys playing pool casually next to you.

Not gonna lie, you noticed them the minute you walked in the room, talking to your roommate Ella. Especially the taller, blonde one. He was probably the most beautiful guy you’ve ever seen, with full lips and broad shoulders, he was definitely gonna be stuck in your head for a few days.

But when he caught you staring, he gave you a cocky smirk that had you rolling your eyes. If theres one thing you hated, it was a conceited guy who played girls with that exact smirk.

You’ve had too much experience and you were sure this wouldn’t add to it. In the corner of your eye you watch him and a couple of his friends walk over and you groan, nudging Ella. “They’re coming over.”

“Sheesh, blondies a looker. I caught you rolling your eyes when you saw him.” She sneaks a look at him and turns back to you with a satisfied grin.

“Not my type.” You cross your arms across your chest and boldly turn to watch him and his friends get closer. “He’s way to cocky for me, I feel it.”

“I like them confident.” Ella eyes you. “Can I go for him?”

“Go for it.” You shrug at her and turn back when the guy in question and his friends are in front of you and your friends.

“I don’t think we’ve seen any of you before.” The blonde guy keeps his gaze and smirk locked securely on you. “Do you live in the hall?”

“We live in Beacon across campus.” Even if Ella’s the one that spoke up and answered, Xuxi takes his time looking away from you to her. You scoff.

“Interesting.” He turns back to you with a cheeky grin. “I’m Xuxi.”

“My names Ella.” She holds out her hand towards him and he looks away from you with a little wink. You shake your head and turn to his friends instead. They seemed a lot calmer than Xuxi, the two boys now turned to you with warm grins.

“Hey, I’m Y/N.” You nod your head at them and they nod back. The one with light brown hair and a pretty smile answers first.

“My names Kun, I’m Xuxi’s roommate.”

“Sicheng, nice to meet you.” The boy with flawless features and light blonde hair replies.

“Nice to meet you guys too, both of you freshman?”

“No, Sicheng and I are sophomores. This is your first semester here?” Kun replies and you nod grinning at him.

“And you aren’t caught up by the force that is Huang Xuxi, impressive.” Sicheng smirks and you laugh a little, shrugging.

“Theres a lot more to a pretty face.” You look back over to Xuxi and where he stood with your friends a couple feet away. You turn back to them with a grin. “So what’re you guys’ majors?”

“Xuxi and I are both business majors.” Kun replies with a shrug. “I’m not really into it, more into editing and videography, which I do on the side.” 

“I’m a theatre major.” Theres a faint pink hue that spreads across Sicheng’s face until he shrugs it off. “My parents wouldn’t let me go to acting school so this is the closest thing to that.” 

You laugh loudly and shake your head at the two of them, already knowing you’re going to like them. “That’s really cool. I’m a bio major, but I might switch because it’s already getting hard and I don’t like that.” 

Kun visibly cringes while Sicheng shrugs. The lighter blonde boy smirks at you, nudging Kun. “He failed intro to bio twice in his freshman year, it was pretty sad.” 

You laugh again and when your eyes fleet across the room for a second, you catch Xuxi’s eyes. He turns back to you with another smirk.

“I don’t think I got your name.” Xuxi excuses himself from the girls before walking over to you without another word.

“It’s Y/N.” You give him an unimpressed look when he looks you up and down. He grins wolfishly.

“Thats a lovely name and, do I hear an accent?”

“Get her whole life story then her snapchat, bro, always works.” Kun scoffs and you grin at him. You pull out your phone towards Kun and Sicheng, away from Xuxi.

“Speaking of, can I get the both of yours?”

Both their eyes widen slightly before nodding and pulling out their phones and exchanging codes. Behind you, you can hear Ella and the girls hounding Xuxi for his snapchat and you release a sigh of relief.

Until Kun turns to the girls and asks for their usernames. Whilst Kun and Sicheng were getting the girls’ codes, it left you and yours truly free.

“So, Y/N,” Xuxi takes a few steps towards you, “my snapchats h-u-a-x-u-x-i.”

You raise a brow. “I don’t remember asking for it, do you?”

He looks confused for a second before his smirk grows. “You’re feisty, huh. Don’t worry, babe, I love a challenge.”

You scrunch your face in disgust, wondering how such pretty looks can be obscured by such a narrow personality. But before you could say anything, Ella’s voice calls Xuxi’s name and you sigh in relief.

“I’ll catch you in a bit, Y/N.” He winks at you while walking backwards and towards Ella. You wave with a fake smile before turning away with a roll of your eyes. You turn to Kun and Sicheng instead, enjoying their company much more than Xuxi’s.

Later that night you get a notification on your phone and its a request from none other than ‘huaxuxi’ himself. You nibble on your bottom lip for a few minutes before accepting it. And you already felt like you would regret this.

Xuxi: Kun spilled and told me your username :)

Y/N: tell kun i dont like him anymore

Xuxi: Does that mean you like me more?

Y/N: that would require me to like you in the first place :)

It only takes Xuxi a week before he realizes that you actually didn’t like him and decided that you thought of yourself too highly. From then came Top Bitch and the countless sneers and scoffs. 

And thats just how it was for the both of you, never any different.

You’re sitting in the cafeteria with the girls when some of the NCT boys walk by, making you roll your eyes and sink in your seat lower catching a glimpse of who was there. But instead of walking up to your table, Xuxi just walks by and doesn’t even say hi making you furrow your brows. 

“Did Xuxi just ignore me?” You mutter to Ella once he’s a good distance away. You keep looking at him sneakily behind her shoulder and when he catches your gaze, instead of smirk or wink, Xuxi glares at you. “Holy shit he just glared at me.” 

“Maybe he gave up, isn’t that what you wanted?” Ella replies, shrugging at you. 

“Yeah.” You say quietly, swallowing thickly when your throat goes a little dry. “Yeah, it is.”

⇝⇝⇝

It isn’t until that moment that you realized you completely ditched Ella. You groan and quickly pull out your phone from the back of your tight, strapless dress. Texting her where you were, you at least knew she would still be on the boat.

You put away your phone and sigh, leaning against the yacht railing and watching the moonlight play against the water, the full moon still bright and powerful. The cities colorful and lit skyline looks almost animated and magical.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

You turn your head to the sound of your best friends voice, Ella walking towards you with narrowed eyes. You sigh and shake your head.

“You wouldn’t believe what I went through.”

Ella raises a brow at you once she’s beside you. “Oh? Do tell.”

You nibble on your bottom lip and realize you didn’t even know where to begin. How do you tell someone that a magical, mythical Chinese fable about soulmates happened to you?

“Remember three years ago when we met Xuxi?”

Ella’s eyes get a bit widened, noticing the way you say his name without cringing. She nods and motions for you to go on.

“Why didn’t you ever go for him?”

“Oh, honey,” she sighs and rolls her eyes, “I tried. He was just too... preoccupied, I guess.”

“Preoccupied?” You furrow your brows and turn back to the view.

“Y/N, he was like hooked on you the minute he saw you. Theres no way you didn’t notice.”

You sigh loudly and face her with a stressed look.

“Do you see anything tied around my ankle?”

Ella gives you a funny look before looking down and confusedly on your ankle. “No? It’s too dark, here let me put flash on.”

You look down at the still half vibrant red thread that stood out in the darkness with a sigh. “Never mind, it’s okay.”

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Your best friend gives you a worried look, never seeing you like this before.

Your chin wobbles and you close your eyes. “Xuxi and I, we’re soulmates.”

Ella stares at you, waiting for you to shout ‘JK’ or to laugh it off. But your straight face doesn’t falter, making your best friends eyes widen.

“How do you know? Xuxi? Soulmates?”

Your eyes pull open and you sigh at her. “Its hard to explain but yeah it’s true.”

“Is it true to you though?”

You look at Ella’s face and hesitates before nodding a little. Now that you were apart from Xuxi, your mind was clear but there was an obvious divide. When you were with him there was electricity in the air, sparks flying from the slightest look. It felt like something else completely being around him, it felt nice. Inviting.

“Yeah, Ella, I do.”

⇝⇝⇝

Xuxi collapses on his bed with a loud sigh, already feeling his headache coming back. He knew you were walking further and further, spending three minutes earlier just watching the red thread twist and turn.

Theres no time for him to be alone with his thoughts as his best friend Sicheng walks in a few seconds later. “Xuxi, bro, why are you still in here? The parties outside!”

Xuxi sits up on his bed and rubs his hands over his face. “Have your parents told you about that myth about the red thread of fate? About the soulmates?”

Sicheng furrows his brows and gets up from his place where he was leaning against a desk table. His confused face was obvious, Xuxi never being the one to talk anything about love, feelings, or soulmates. “Yeah, why?”

“Its true, bro.” Xuxi sighs and avoids Sicheng’s eyes, focusing on the floor. “Y/N and I...”

Sicheng’s eyes snap down to the exact placement of the thread and he comes closer. “I don’t see anything, Xux.”

“Obviously.” The taller boy motions for the vibrant red string. “But Y/N and I definitely do.”

“No fucking way.” The other Chinese guy shakes his head staring at Xuxi’s ankle. Until a smirk blooms on his face. “Y/N, though? I’m not surprised.”

“Right?!” Xuxi groans and stops, realizing Sicheng said the complete opposite of what he thought the guy would say. “Wait, what do you mean? We hated each other.”

“In the whole three years we’ve known each other, Y/N’s the only girl thats been consistently in your life that isn’t family.” Sicheng shrugs and continues to smirk at the boy sitting on the bed. “Which is insane because, you know, it’s you. And I am now 30 dollars richer thanks to you and Mr. Kun.”

Xuxi completely skips over the second sentence once Sicheng finishes talking, turning to the boy with wide eyes and an incredulous look. “The both of you bet on Y/N and me?!”

“To date, yeah, but this whole fate thing is basically the same thing, right?” Sicheng laughs loudly and winks at Xuxi. “I’m joking, man. But, knowing Y/N, she isn’t too happy with this?”

“That’s an understatement. She’s outside getting air.” Xuxi lays back down with a groan. “When it went past midnight, its like my feelings towards Y/N flipped. I feel so different towards her, like, I don’t mind this whole... situation, you know? The whole soulmates thing?”

“Then what the fuck are you doing here?” Sicheng claps loudly, instantly pulling him out of his reverie and forces Xuxi on his feet. “Go and tell her that!”

“Are you sure?” Xuxi gives him a small look, not really knowing what to do in this position at all. He was used to girls but you were something completely different, not like any girl he’s ever dealt with. The last thing Xuxi wanted to do was piss you off, knowing how heated you would get. 

“One hundred percent.” The shorter boy shrugs with a smirk. “When am I ever wrong, Xux? Now, go!”

Xuxi hurriedly runs out of the bedroom without a second thought, racing to find you. It was clear as day in his mind now, Xuxi realized that all these years of detesting you was nothing but a hoax, because if you were ever somehow out of his life; Xuxi wouldn’t know what to do. 

He doesn’t stop to wink or talk to girls, only thanking and waving at the people who told him happy birthday. Xuxi was a man on a mission, racing through his yacht to get you.

“Y/N.” He gets to the front deck and slows his steps when you aren’t alone. Your best friend, Ella, he recognized, stood beside you with dear in headlights eyes. “Oh, shit, sorry, I thought you were alone.”

“Oh! Its okay, I was just asking about rides back home.” Ella laughs nervously, nudging you low key. “I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”

You nod and watch your best friend leave, not without throwing you a thumbs up and wink before she was gone. When its just you and Xuxi, the electricity is back and the headache is gone.

“Your headache stopped too?” You ask him and he nods at first before he realizes what you asked and Xuxi’s eyes widened.

“How did you know my head hurt?”

You shrug and the corner of your lips pull up. “Soulmate thing.”

Xuxi’s eyes focus on your smile for a second longer then bubbling laughter flows out of him. He takes some steps closer to you, reaching forward to hold your hand. Theres the feeling of pop rocks the second your hands touch and its addictive.

“The feelings aren’t fake or gonna fade in a day or two.” Xuxi clears his throat and blushes a little, the tops of his ears turning red. “They’ve always been there. This whole string thing just made me realize it.” 

The moonlight, colorful city lights, and fairy lights decked throughout the yacht made this moment so magical, for the first time that night, you fully believed in the old Chinese wise tale. 

“You piss me off a lot but I don’t know what I’d do without it.” You say with a shrug, smirking not long after. Xuxi chuckles and bites down on his lip, looking down at you.

“Are you willing to give it a shot, Y/N?”

You sigh and playfully roll your eyes, standing closer to him. “I guess I will, Xuxi.”

The red thread between the two of you dissolves almost all together the longer the two of you keep smiling at each other. Seconds later, fireworks go off in the backdrop and scares you, making you shriek and jump. Xuxi laughs loudly and holds you against his chest, watching the colorful lights in the sky.

“I forgot the fireworks went off at 2am.”

“Why 2 in the morning?” You laugh loudly, unable to stop yourself from clutching onto his chest to get closer. The warmth Xuxi gave off was so inviting.

“So people don’t forget it’s my birthday.” Xuxi smirks to himself, obviously proud of himself. You roll your eyes but laugh none the less.

“You’re unbelievable, Xuxi.”

[bisexualdaemon]

Gin and Juice: Part IV

a/n: In which a meeting takes place, Reader lies (again), and Shawn plays a big game.

The response to this series has been truly, truly incredible. I’ve gotten so much unexpected feedback and I love all of it. Keep liking, reblogging, and commenting! I always want to hear from you!

Previous parts are on my MASTERLIST

warnings: American football content, sorry for the jargon 😬

Shawn was pacing with nervous energy, jangling his keys in his pocket. Checking the time on his phone, he huffed and unlocked it, making sure that he’d sent her the right room number.

Study Room B038. Friday 5 PM.

It was 5:04. She was late. He had chosen this time specifically because he had an easy out if he needed to leave. Every Friday before a game, he had team dinner at Coach’s house at 7 PM, then the whole team left on buses to stay off-campus at a hotel to rest up and stay on curfew before the game. But, this girl, whoever she was, probably didn’t know the schedule, so he was free to make up any time that he had to leave with just a little white lie.

He heard the door knob turn and froze. Her head was bowed, shoulders forward, a posture it looked like she defaulted to, when she walked in. He couldn’t see her face behind the thick waves of soft brown hair hanging in the way. Not two steps into the room, she tripped over the nearest chair, heading straight for the floor.

Shawn took two big strides and caught her by the shoulders mid-fall. Her head popped up, locking wide ocean blue eyes with him. Recognition stirred, flashing images swimming in his vision. A spilled beer. A wet shirt. Looking back at those blue eyes and feeling the blush bloom on his face.

It was her.

He walked out of the living room, swimming with humanity, as fast as possible. Too many people. He could practically see his worth reflected in their eyes. They only saw what he could give them, what he could bring them. None of them knew or cared about him beyond the material or social value he held.

Lost in his thoughts, he rounded a close corner on his way to the kitchen for something harder to drink. It wasn’t until his cup fell out of his hand that he realized someone was there.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” he yelled over the noise of the party. At first, she just stood there, looking him up and down like she wasn’t quite sure if he was real. She swivelled her head up to look at him, and he inwardly gasped at her eyes. They looked like cerulean cut glass, so blue and yet so clear that he felt like he could see straight down to their core. It was as unsettling as it was exhilarating.

She still hadn’t made a move since he spilled his drink all over her. He took a survey of the damage, which allowed him to stare at her petite body for just a second longer  than he probably needed to. She was fucking cute as hell. Where did this girl come from? He realized he was looking at her instead of helping.

His head shot up toward the kitchen, seeing his idiot left tackle walking toward him, “HEY GEOFF!?! CAN YOU BRING ME A RAG OR SOMETHING??”

Shawn turned back to her, noticing her shivering. Why won’t she say something? He pleaded with her to talk to him with his eyes, softening his gaze like he would with a baby deer. She felt so cold, but he could see the sweat starting to collect on her brow.

Geoff finally returned with a rag and he started to help her by dabbing it on her chest. Her eyes widened in momentary panic, and she jumped half a foot away from him, out of his reach.

His face bloomed pink in mortification. He handed the cloth to her, stuttering apologies, clearly dropping the ball and wanting to escape as fast as possible. When he had gotten far enough away for her to not notice, he looked back. She was still standing there with those wide blue eyes staring. He really wished he could have heard her voice.

* * * * * * * * * *  

He held your shoulders for a beat too long. The look on his face reminded you of that night in the bathroom just before he had thrown up, but this time there was confusion mixed with a strange wonderment.

“Uh, Shawn?” you snapped, waving your fingers in his face, really needing him to stop touching you. His imposing figure and rough fingers on your skin made it difficult to breathe, let alone think. He blinked several times and shook his head, “sorry, sorry. Uhh, you’re late.”

“Thanks for pointing that out,” you said with a little edge in your voice, “I’ve been outside the door debating whether or not I should come in.”

The confusion in his face deepened, “you were going to stand me up?” He shook his head again, as if no one on the planet had ever suggested such insanity in his entire life. It would have been annoying if it weren’t so earnest. You rolled your eyes at him.

“It’s not about you...well not 100% about you,” you really weren’t here to divulge the nature of your social anxiety, “just never mind, why are we here?” You looked at him expectantly. The earnest expression had slowly morphed into something timid and slightly...embarrassed?

You were confused. He had wanted you to come here to talk but now he seemed like he was rethinking it. He was nervous about whatever he came to say. His eyes wandered to his feet, bound in leather Chelsea boots, as he kicked the carpet. His athletic legs were wrapped in the skinniest black jeans you’d ever seen. He ran his hands down the fabric clinging to his thighs and finally spoke.

“Uhm, yeah. So,” he looked off past your head, avoiding your eyes at all cost, “how badly would you be offended if I asked you your name?”

His cheeks flushed bright red as he wrung his hands in front of you. He looked like a small boy who knew he’d done something wrong. A very tall, very muscular, very gorgeous small boy. What had happened to that charm? You held your hand up to your face to hide the smile that threatened.

He didn’t remember your name. Did he remember anything about that night? Did you want him to? It had been six days since that night, so if he was going to remember something, it probably would have happened by now. Maybe you could play this off, just tell him your name and make something up about what happened after he blacked out. You could put this whole thing to bed once and for all. It seemed like that might put him at ease.

You let the laughter bubble up to the surface. It sounded strange to your ears, a little too high-pitched and a little too effervescent, but you hoped he wouldn’t notice. You had to make this casual, had to make it believable. He couldn’t know you were lying. You reached out and touched his bicep.

“Oh, it’s fine, Shawn,” you giggled, telling him your name, voice dripping with nonchalance, “you’re a busy guy, and we were both drunk at that party.”

He looked puzzled for a minute, but then smoothed his brow, nodding, “Yeah, yeah we were.”

“You really don’t remember?” you asked, trying for incredulous, “we hung out in the kitchen for a bit. I grabbed your hand and wrote my number. It was innocent.” By the end, the pitch in your voice had climbed three octaves. Maybe he would think you were crazy and that would solve all of your problems.

“But, why didn’t you want to meet with me? In public?” he asked, sounding hurt. Shit. You grasped for idea strings in the giant ball of twine in your mind. This was starting to get complicated and you weren’t sure how long you could keep it up.

“Uhm, I was embarrassed,” you mumbled, sounding more convincing, “I basically threw myself at you and you didn’t want me that night. I really didn’t want to face that in the light of day. I didn’t want anyone who might see me with you to ask questions later.”

“Oh,” he said, scrubbing the nape of his neck and looking almost remorseful. Maybe this was working. He glanced at you out of the side of his eye and you thought he might attempt to poke holes in your story. But instead, he just shrugged violently, “well, I’m sorry I disappointed you.”

He sounded like he might have meant that in some way other than in reference to your lies. Both of you stood there awkwardly, shifting weight in opposite directions. You were getting dizzy from the boat-rocking sensation. He looked placid, blank.

“Well,” he said, exhaling breath he must have been holding, “I have to go to team dinner.” He turned to open the door wide, but before he stepped through, the composed look in his eyes faded and let a pleading traitor in. It reminded you of the look he gave you that night when he spilled his drink on you—like he just needed you to say something to let him in.

It only lasted for a second, replaced by cool detachment, an essential ingredient in his chainmail of charm. He took a stride through the door and called out behind his shoulder, “it was nice meeting you!”

And then he was gone, leaving you alone in the basement study room with a sneaking suspicion that you had just made a huge mistake.

* * * * * * * * * *  

He buckled up his pads over his shoulders and tightened the laces on his cleats. The locker room was noisy, loud rap music playing over the A/V system to pump everyone up. Shawn knew he wasn’t in the right headspace. He knew that he shouldn’t have a pair of blue eyes stuck in his head. He knew he shouldn’t be thinking about her shoulders, so delicate beneath his hands. He knew he shouldn’t be thinking about how she lied to him.

What was she trying to hide?

He couldn’t figure out her angle. She had no idea that he remembered seeing her earlier at the party. The fact that she hadn’t mentioned it was his first red flag. But, she didn’t know that he had a clear memory of her that night. She didn’t know that her behavior in the library betrayed the girl he’d spilled beer on and silently begged to speak to him.

He still felt like he hadn’t heard her real voice.

“OKAY BOYS,” Coach Bradford yelled as the team made its way through the tunnel, getting ready to run out onto the field, “EVERY GAME IS FULL OF INFINITE CHOICES. MAKE SURE YOU CHOOSE THE RIGHT ONES.” Always a last minute cheesy pre-game line to make us think about the philosophical reasons to play the game, “LET’S GO PLAY SOME FOOTBALL.”

Every time Shawn burst out of that tunnel and onto the field, the deafening roar of the crowd took his breath away. It was one of the rushes that kept his running out here every fall, every week, every minute. This week was rivalry week and the crowd was even more live than usual.

He looked out into the crowd, something he wasn’t accustomed to doing. He hated seeing the hungry eyes of all the people there expecting him to win the game for them. But, this week, he scanned for a familiar pair of blue eyes. A crazy endeavor because there was no way he would see her in the ocean of people surrounding the field, but he flipped through a thousand pairs of eyes nonetheless.

“MENDES,” Geoff screamed over the crowd, “GET OVER HERE.” He ran over and butted foreheads with his left tackle, their pre-game ritual. He positioned his mouthguard, made the sign of the cross, and dug his cleats into the turf. The whistle blew, flying high above the cheers.

Shawn should have known it wasn’t going to go his way when he thought he saw her during the first quarter. He lined up at the five-yard-line looked out above the line, called the play, and snapped the ball. Behind his receiver, he caught a flash of blue that made him pause. He took an extra breath, changing his tempo, and let the ball fly directly into the hands of his opponent.

It got worse from there. After three fumbles, two more interceptions, and five missed tackles, Shawn felt like he was taking an ass-kicking. He couldn’t get her out of his head. Somehow they were tied, thanks to a couple of great defensive plays and a lucky run after a handoff, and heading into the two-minute warning, he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. A loss could jeopardize everything—the conference championship, a national championship bid, his Heisman chances. The weight of the potential disappointment pressed against his chest.

They moved the ball down the field, killing clock until it was the last twenty seconds from the ten. He had one play left to get the ball in the endzone. He dug the ball of his foot into the turf at the line of scrimmage. Crouching behind his lineman, Shawn called the play, “BLUE-42! BLUE-42! HURRY!” He took one last breath in, “HIKE!”

Everything moved in slow motion. He faked the handoff to his running back, leaning back. He pumped once, twice, closed his eyes against the deep blue threatening his vision, and let the ball fly.

to be continued...

So did he win the game? Tell me your theories! 

Taglist: @abigfatmess @lifeofthedarty @coffeebringsmelife @transparentjudgepicklething @super-fire-breathing-girl @infiniteshawn @lietomeat3am @lavieenbananabread @blue-skies-are-alright @song-bird-shawn @disappointingyellowhighlighter @brittanyzelazno @lifeofthedarty @sowhatshawn @stillinskislydia @hiterase 

[platonic-plots]

Vulnerable. [ii]

Request/Summary: After almost a month of tireless searching, the team have finally found where y/n is.

Pairings: daughter!reader x tony stark, platonic!reader x steve rogers

Words: 1464

Warnings: guns, cells, hospitals, swearing

Specific time/Important info: ‘***’ = p.o.v. change [3rd person to 2nd]

part 1

28 days. 

Almost a month had gone by without his daughter by his side. Almost a month had gone by full of sleepless nights and indescribable worry. Almost a month had gone by before they finally located y/n.

The team was on a jet, suiting up and preparing to do whatever they had to in order to get the youngest Avenger back. They kept to themselves as they waited impatiently to get to the Hydra facility where they'd finally find y/n - she was their missing piece. Tony walked up to Steve, who was staring out of the window in deep thought.

"I want you to get her." Steve snapped out of it and sent a confused look to his teammate.

"When we get there, I want you to find y/n. I want you to bring her back. I'll be in the suit, a-and I don't want the metal to scare her, or make her think of what she's just been through, y'know? She trusts you the most, and between you and me, you're her favorite. Will you do that for me, Rogers?"

The super soldier could see the pain in Tony's eyes. He'd been through hell in the past few weeks - y/n was his world. To see Stark in such a way would've thawed the heart of anyone.

"I'll guard her with my life."

***

There had been... 'stages' that you'd been through whilst you were with Hydra. At first, it was fear. Which was understandable, given the circumstances. Then, when you realized he wasn't going to kill you (you knew you'd be used as some form of currency for Crane to use to get whatever he wanted from Shield), your mind transitioned into defiance. You were stubborn. You weren't going to keep giving him the reaction he wanted. But then... came the emptiness. For the better part of a month, you'd barely eaten or drank, you'd been locked away wearing next to nothing, in a cell owned by Hydra, your every move live streamed and document for the world to see. No matter how strong you pretended you were, the neglect and the torture and the loneliness and the despair - they were enough to make anyone feel the way you did. Wrists shackled and knees to your chin, you tucked yourself as far into the corner as you could, and just sat there, motionless.

You thought this day would be the same as the others - you'd wake up and silently wait for whichever man Hydra had decided would join you. Only, he never came. Instead, his presence was replaced with the echo of shouting men and an exchange of gunfire. You sat unfazed.

Your eyes stared straight ahead, even as the shouting grew louder. Your eyes stared straight ahead, even when shots were fired outside your cell. Your eyes stared straight ahead, even after the door was thrown off its hinges.

"Y/n?"

You recognized his voice - or, at least, you thought you did.

"Y/n? It's me, i-it's Steve. We're here to bring you home."

You shook your head.

'This isn't real,' you thought to yourself, 'it's just a simulation'. Hydra had been trying to brainwash you, but they hadn't been as successful as they'd hoped to be. They wanted you to behave like The Winter Soldier; you weren't as cooperative as they'd planned. Still, from time to time, when you were at your weakest, it worked. This must have been one of those times.

"Y/n?"

"G-go away." You found your voice. "You-you're not Steve. Y-you're not here. None of this is r-real," the tears fell down your gaunt cheeks as your arms snaked around your legs, your body becoming as small as it could. "This, all of this, it's i-in my head."

You could hear him shuffling around: he placed down his shield and his weapons, and walked towards your corner. With each step, your chest tightened and you tried to push yourself further into the wall, to no avail.

He sat beside you. "Hey, y/n/n, shhh. It's okay, you're okay. I promise, it's me, I'm here. I'm not going to hurt you," he laid his hand, palm up, on the ground between you so that you could see it in the corner of your eye.

Your mind shifted; what if it was him?

"H-how do I know th-that you're you?" His ears perked up at your voice. He paused in thought.

"You've always been scared of storms. Even if there was just a spark of lightning, you'd always go climb into your dad's bed. You still do, and if he wasn't there, you'd come and find me. I still remember your face when you found out who Thor was," he smiled fondly. "And you love to draw. There are at least three drawers in Tony's workbench alone that are overflowing with doodles from when you were a kid. You love movies, and the first thing we did together was watch Jurassic Park."

You placed your hand in his. "Steve." The corners of your lips turned slightly; you could feel the relief washing over him.

"I think it's time to go home."

He held you tightly against his chest as he carried you through the compound, Clint and Wanda, who had been guarding the cell just moments earlier, ready to take out anyone who posed as even the slightest of threats. As the Captain brought you closer to freedom, your body drifted closer to unconsciousness. The weeks of little food or sleep had truly taken a toll. But it was only as the doors opened, and your eyes finally met with those of your father, that the world turned dark.

The bright lights blinded you as you struggled to open your eyes without squinting or flinching. After a few minutes of adjustment, you realized that you were in some sort of hospital, but these walls were foreign to you. If you weren't at Stark tower, where were you? If you weren't at home, then what if...

No - you couldn't be back at Hydra. You couldn't.

The thought was a seed: as soon as it had been planted, the roots engulfed your body and sent you into a panic.

Your hands shook as you frantically tried to take the IVs and wires coming out of your arms. Within seconds, two doctors entered the room and hurried towards you.

“Wh-who are you? Wh-where am I?”

“Y/n, you need to calm down.” They started to take hold of you, despite your protests.

“S-stop, please. I want my dad, wh-where’s my dad?” With every word, your voice grew louder and your heart beat quickened.

They asked you to calm down again, but you refused to comply. They were ignoring your questions, and keeping any and all information from you. When they realised you weren’t going to do what they asked, one of them held you down whilst the other picked up a syringe.

Through your protests and tears, you noticed the door swing open once more and a man enter the room.

“Sir, you can’t be in here.”

“And you can’t do that to my daughter. She has just been through hell and here you are treating her like shit. Are you not professionals?”

Silence.

“Y/n has been thrown around by complete strangers for the past month. She’s been tortured a-and injected with god knows what. So what do you do to her? Exactly that.”

“B-but sir-“

“Get the fuck away from my daughter, and go find someone who can actually do their job.” They left promptly.

“Dad,” your voice was barely above a whisper. Upon hearing that one word, you could almost see your father’s heart break. As soon as he was at your side, he held you tighter than ever before.

“I-I was so scared, I-I thought that-“

“I’m here now. It’s okay. You’re okay, baby. You’re safe.” You’d forgotten what it was like to be held like this - to be loved. The tears didn’t stop pouring from your eyes, and before long, Tony joined you.

You moved over, giving him space to sit with you on the bed. “We flew you to the closest Shield base we could find, you were so weak we were scared you wouldn’t make it.” He took your hand in his, pausing so his voice wouldn’t crack. “I’m so, so sorry it took us this long, kid. I promise you we spent every single second trying to find where you were. God, I wish we could’ve found you sooner, y/n, I-I”

You interrupted him: “You’re here now.”

He gave you a sad smile, but his eyes glistened with a sense of relief and happiness (as well as, of course, tears). He kissed your forehead and pulled you closer. “I love you, y/n.”

THANK YOU FOR WAITING!!!! i really hope this hasn’t disappointed any of you lol (also i’m sorry this is so short, it just felt right??? idk)

tags: ( if ur name isn’t here then tumblr wouldn’t let me tag u :(( )

vulnerable: @beaubatns @xotaku-baekx @purplekitten30 @ran-randomness @topjean @nagynomi98 @josislife @enchantedrhoses @kettnerjanea @alina-barnes @gemineez @alina-barnes @snapplejuice @celestialshawn @reganmarler

forever: @phonegalhelp @pointlesscasey @unicorn-sparkles123 @pinapplequeen16

[yourjughead]

Lockers

Requested from Prompt list: 91 and 100 - Sweet Pea x reader.

Thanks for the request dolly!

A/N: Lot of dialogue and time hops in this, hope its not too difficult to follow. this is also quite long so i couldn't separate the dialogue like i usually do, my apologies.

-----------------------------------------------------

Riverdale High had become like a cattle market. The school was at maximum capacity and it was felt easily in the overflowing halls and louder than usual common room. It was suffocating and with the lack of space came sacrifices elsewhere such as motorbikes littering the car park, crowded common rooms and sharing lockers. The latter was what affected you the most.

“Im telling you Fangs, Jones is losing it, it's his fault we're in these uniforms” the two sauntered down the hall before arriving outside locker 216, next to the janitors closet. He crumpled up the paper with the combination and threw it at Fangs, just missing. Students flowed passed the two of them as Sweet Pea fought the lock. Fangs said his goodbyes before leaving the spot you quickly replaced.

“Emm can I help you?” Sweet Pea rolled his eyes before turning to the sound of your blatantly irritated voice about to snap back. His eyes widened and his mouth went dry at the sight of you looking at him like he grew an extra head. He just continued staring before gliding out of your way to the locker. You just gave him a confused smile before tossing some books in on top of the few he had managed to get in.

“Emm Yeah you can take your crap out of my locker” he found his voice again after watching you before handing you back your books.

“its my locker” you threw the book back in, the two of you locking eyes and thus, the love hate relationship began

2 Weeks later.

“Seriously Sweet Pea, stop leaving half-eaten food in my locker, you'll draw mice!” You threw the half eaten burrito in a brown paper bag into his chest.The other Serpent's ooohing at you asserting yourself.

“Firstly, OUR locker, secondly its MY locker I'll do what I want” he was clearly putting it on in front of his friends as he tossed you back the burrito. You purposely let it fall to your feet before exhaling sharply and storming off, Sweet Pea hot on your heels, the Serpents making whip sounds and hollering.

“Wait I'm sorry yn, I'll try and stop doing that I promise”

“Yeah you better you jerk!” you hit him into the chest before retrieving your books from the locker. “Maybe we should just get a mini fridge”

“Or you could get a clue" you rolled your eyes before sauntering off, knowing his eyes were fixed on you.

A week later.

“YN!!!!! WHERE IS IT!?” Sweet Pea shouted at you from the front steps before almost running to you as you got out of your car.

“wheres what Sweet Pea, I don't know what you're talking about” you tried to be as nonchalant as possible but he dragged you by the arm to the side of the school.

“WHERE IS MY JACKET! My Serpent one! I know you took it!” you bit your lip before finally giving in, sighing and retrieving it from your school bag.  

“Okay okay sorry, i was cold after cheer-leading last night, I didn't think you’d care”

“Oh...emm...well I do” he wasn't entirely unsure of himself and couldn't settle on how that made him feel. He took the jacket from you looking down at its worn leather.

“Well I have to wear it to a thing tonight but-but umm I’ll leave it in my locker after if you need to wear it again” he slid his arms inside his second skin, caught slightly off guard the slight smell of your perfume on the collar. The two of you idled to the locker in silence.

1 week later.

“Sweet Pea I thought I told you that you have to ask me before you borrow my books” “Sorry, I had a test earlier and I needed your notes” “What you need is to learn to make your own” you dug through the locker as he had his back thrown against another alongside yours.

“Will you help me? I just want to do okay here yanno? Don't want to be stuck here with you forever” “Oh wow stop with the flattery ill get a big head” you stood smiling, locking the locker again.

“Whatever can you just-” “Aww look, Sweet Pea has made a friend” Fangs interrupted swinging his arm around Sweet Pea.

“Hey wait you're that girl ive seen in the Serpent jacket” he moved from Sweet Pea and seemed to almost square up to you, other serpents gathering.

“Yeah Sweet Pea said I could wear it” you were not even slightly phased by his attempt to intimidate you, you were close friends with Cheryl Blossom, Fangs wouldn't be a problem. Fangs looked to Sweet Pea like he had 3 heads, the group doing the same.

“Emm no I didn't yn” it was your turn to look at him like he'd grown a few extra heads. He felt guilty for lying and making you look bad in front of his friends, he just didn't want them to know he was falling for you.

“See, Sweet Pea wouldn't associated with the enemy. You should really be getting to cheer Northsider, don't trip on your privilege as you go” you scoffed at fangs, grabbing your gear bag and bumping Sweet Peas shoulder as you went.

1 week later

You hadn't spoken to Sweet Pea since, you didn't like the way he changed around his friends. He had tried to make contact with you every day including leaving you notes and doodles in all of your notebooks. He then opened an almost empty locker, the last bell on a Friday sounding off behind him. You passed as if on cue behind him, laughing with Cheryl on your way to cheer.

“Yn what the hell? where's your stuff?” he reached out catching your forearm, Cheryl almost snapping his neck on contact.

“Take a hike urchin boy, she doesn't want to speak to you” you looked at the floor allowing Cheryl to bite back, Sweet Pea biting his tongue as not to offend you further by mouthing off to your friend.

“Okay well could you tell yn that I’m sorry and i really want to talk to her” he look directly at you but spoke to Cheryl, she rolled her eyes before going to speak again, you cutting her off.

“Its okay Cherry, go start training the juniors, I'll catch up” she assured you meant it before scowling in a way only she could and then leaving you both outside the locker you once shared.

“So, emm where's your stuff gone?” he waited until the red headed bombshell was gone before speaking again.

“My car, i was sick of having my stuff vandalized” “Okay okay fair point...but maybe you could put it back and I'll promise i won't draw all over it...as much” he grinned at the little smile you gave, happy to be finally breaking you down.

“I thought you wouldn't want to associate with the enemy”

“Well I mean you piss me off but id do anything for you...even associate with you”

“Yeah well-” “Shit!” Sweet Pea suddenly caught you by the forearms and dragged you back and into the janitors closet then releasing an arm, closing the door and pulling down the little blind.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!” “Shhhh shhh sorry please be quiet they'll hear you!” “Who?!” you whispered slightly separating the blind slightly from the glass to see some Junior Serpents joking around in the hallway.

“You have to be fucking kidding me Sweet Pea!” you went to unlatch the door but he pulled you back again, standing in front of it.

“I know I know but I just want them to leave us alone” “We’re not an us! We just share lockers, i wasn't even talking to you two minutes ago!” “Why are you so difficult?!” “Why am i still in this closet should be the real question?!” “UGH!” he caught your shoulders and hauled you forward to meet him. Your bodies were flush against each other as his lips met yours furiously. Your own arms wrapped around his sides and the two of you seemed to melt into each other. He backed you gently against the shelf, moving his hands to your face, connecting his lips to your neck.

“Wait wait Sweet Pea what the hell are we doing?!”

“I-I don't know but I'd very much like to keep doing it” you laughed agreeing before he kissed you again. Suddenly light flooded the closet and you both turned to the now open door, Fangs standing there reaching for something.

“Sweet Pea?! YN?! What the hell is happening?!”. “N-nothing Fangs” Sweet Pea almost left his body with the fright, you deciding you had had enough. “Go away Fangs kinda busy”

“No dude what the hell?! A Northsider?! What about the pact?! No Northsiders!” “Yeah well that was before I left a burrito in my locker!...Well it's been nice seeing you, come back soon!” he closed the door again before Fangs reopened it.“No dude seriously what the hell?!” “No dude seriously what the hell?!” you spoke again more bitterly and Fangs glared before Sweet Pea tried to close the door again, fangs stopping the door with his foot.“Sweet Pea, what, what is going on between you two?”

“We-we don't know right now but I'd really rather stay here Fangs-” he glanced back at you “id really really rather keep doing it-” his voice lowered then “please Fangs” fangs seemed to grumble before stepping back, upset but he hadn't seen his friend like this before. Deciding to deal with him later, fangs moved his foot, the door finally closing. “Don't worry about him yn...ummm but what are we doing…” Sweet Pea finally spoke again once he sure Fangs was gone, allowing a little of his insecurity show. “I dont know, Im not really sure”

“Well maybe we should figure that out, i don't want to mess things up with you, you're difficult enough already” “WELL THEN LET ME SLEEP IN  YOUR STUPID T SHIRTS AND HOLD YOUR DUMB HAND, YOU PIECE OF SHIT”

“WELL THEN OKAY THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!”  you dragged him back into you meeting furiously again.

“Oh and please, please always wear my jacket, its ridiculously hot...especially with that tight little uniform….the only thing that would make that uniform even hotter would be if it was on my bedroom floor” his face darkened and you smirked hard. “Well maybe we should- OH MY GOD I HAVE PRACTICE! CHERRY IS GOING TO KILL ME I LEFT HER WITH THOSE UNCOORDINATED JRS!” you burst out threw the door, Sweet Pea laughing hard at you panicked before you took off out the double doors. Sweet Pea returned to the locker, grabbing some books and then locking it again for the weekend.

-----------------------------------------------------

[hot-topic-for-vikings]

Camilla’s Best Quotes #3

It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these, hasn’t it? A whole lot has happened since the last Camilla’s Best Quotes, and we’ve gone from fun bants with the jolly party to intense Murder Times with confusion, mystery and betrayal. No one seems to know what anyone’s doing or thinking and there is MILD DISSENT among the party members. So, let’s hear what Dancer, Tuile, Corva, Belloth and Heskan had to say this time!

1. Dagger party!

Corva: well I don't think I need 13 daggers

Hamster Master (GM): xD

Corva: I'll just take 1

Couch: that's quitter talk corva

2. Are you sure about that?

Shadowdancer: "Hey, where's Corva?"

Tuile shrugs.

Belloth: "Don't know."

Shadowdancer: "That's not good."

Belloth: "I'm sure she's alright. I trust her judgement."

Camilla: do you djskjksj

Eff: lmao good one

Camilla: after last time

3. I don’t need to caption this

Shadowdancer: "We should, uh, split up. I don't do well in crowds."

Tuile: "Hoe?"

4. We’re pretty useless

Hamster Master (GM): are you attacking straight away without talkin

Belloth: i mean that was what i was plannin

Hamster Master (GM): tell me what u do i cant read ur minds xD

Cravin Raisins: give a witty one liner

Hamster Master (GM): if ur quiet ur just standing there

Eff: oh my god i should've gone in huh

5. Detective Belloth Bittenbinder

Couch: NOW IVE THROWN HER OFF HER RHYTHM

Hamster Master (GM): erhw45h4wth

Couch: STREET SMARTS

Cravin Raisins: THE BELLOTH METHOD

Hamster Master (GM): STREET SMARTS

CONTINUED UNDER THE CUT...

6. I’m putting this here because I can. It isn’t funny but I thought it was a pretty cool conversation (just the sort of one you should be having in the middle of a battle!)

Corva: "Why did you lie to us?"

Frida: What do you mean?

Corva: "We found your assassins.Their actions may be questionable but their motivation is not."

Frida: What are you talking about?

Corva: "I- I don't want to hurt you. But you are a terrible ruler. You hurt people."

Frida: I do what I have to do! This town is falling apart!

Corva: "I don't care! It's wrong! Find another solution!"

Frida: I've saved a lot of people this way!

Corva: "But now a lot of people want you dead."

Frida: Including you apparently! Well, try it!

Corva: "No, I don't. I just want you to stop ruining lives."

Frida: I save lives.

Corva: "I knew someone once who made that same excuse. It's possible to do both." 

7.Okay, back to SMASH

Couch: i would like to smash but only when people are satisfied

Eff: do what bell would do. Let her smash

Couch: lemme smash

Hamster Master (GM): then smash

Eff: TEAR THAT BITCH APART

8. It honestly wouldn’t have been surprising at this point

Corva: I cast healing word on Belloth

Heskan: nice

Couch: danks

Eff: christ for a moment i thought you cast it on frida

Hamster Master (GM): gbgwthjnr4

Heskan: me too

Hamster Master (GM): nice

Cravin Raisins: PLOT TWIST

Eff: "there corva goes again that wild bastard"

Couch: "What the fuck bro"

9. I’d rather not

As you fight, you hear something.

Eff: shit

Couch: h-hewwo?

Cravin Raisins: hewwo??

Heskan: oh no

Cravin Raisins: wefkgjfrhedsAX

Shadowdancer: "Well fuck my donkey."

10. Looting a woman’s dead body in front of her guards!

Cravin Raisins: i wanna loot her body

Cravin Raisins: will corva be bissed lmao

Camilla: massively

Camilla: but go ahead

Cravin Raisins: welp

Cravin Raisins: yes

11. I’m getting deja vu from a few sessions ago

Belloth rolls a 4 on a dexterity save.

You all manage to grab onto something and stay upright.

Belloth: except for bell who dies 

And just as suddenly as it began, it stops.

Hamster Master (GM): oh right, Bell

Bell fell on her ass.

12. Seeing double

Corva: why are there two corvas

Eff: WE'RE MULTIPLYING

Corva: WHAT TE FUCK

Belloth: MIRROR IMAGE

Cravin Raisins: AHH

Briar: THEY'RE CLONES

Cravin Raisins: we have to fight them now

Belloth: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

Hamster Master (GM): sorryyyyy

13. *side-eyes*

Shadowdancer joins the others.

Camilla: wonder what happened up there......... :)

Shadowdancer: "Post-battle makeout sesh. And you're free to come along, if you want."

Vinmin goes downstairs. 

Corva: "No thanks."

Corva fiddles with a ring on her finger.

Shadowdancer: "I was talking to Vinmin, you wee pacifist you."

Camilla: :))

Eff: also idk why but i'm gonna pretend corva said that and not cam

14. Murder is hungry work

Tuile: "I want to go to the bakery."

Shadowdancer: "Oh, me too! I'm in the mood for some ... hmm. Muffins?"

Tuile: "Mmm..."

Corva looks INCREDIBLY disenchanted.

Vinmin: I want muffins...

Shadowdancer: "Celebratory muffins?"

Belloth: "Those do sound good."

Tuile: "Cupcakes, maybe... Hm... Okay."

Shadowdancer: "I could never tell the difference."

Camilla: why would the bakery be open late at night?

Vinmin: Some nice bread!

Cravin Raisins: what time is it?

Tuile: "Bread. Yes."

Belloth: "Yeah!"

Eff: it's always open if you're not a coward

Tuile: "Obviously."

Hamster Master (GM): its like...morning soon. I would say 4 am.

Camilla: well bakers get up early to make the goods

Tuile: "Let's go!"

Camilla: so they've probably made some stuff at least

Hamster Master (GM): awergwe4

Tuile: "Quickly!"

Shadowdancer: "To the bakery!"

Hamster Master (GM): r u really leavin and goin to the bakeryx'D

Eff: ... yes ?

Cravin Raisins: yeehaw 

15. A lot has changed, and nothing has changed

Cravin Raisins: human emotions? whats that? Tuile just wants food. 

I’m so looking forward to arc 2 and I know the other guys are too! You guys better be ready for Corva’s intense glow-up...

[jfleurcannon]

oh fuck. a hysterectomy story.

just so i don't have to go through explaining. please visit links and read up if you are interested, i simplified it AF and wiki'd the source, otherwise, this is legit not the place for you. i talk about things, life, whatnot, and my life is fucking bullshit sometimes.

endometriosis

adenomysosis

fibromyalgia - i'm not even gonna get into this one. because, as the doctor who diagnosed me said, 'not many people believe in this one, so maybe don't say that you have it out loud.' but chalk that guy up for chronic musculoskeletal & joint pain in my wrists, arms, shoulders, back, butt, and knees. but 🤫.

i'm sure y'all know wtf depression and anxiety are, i see those #bellletstalk tags. it's been with me for years, since i guess the chronic pain started. i got my period and wondered why the fuck i was the only one who got sick, like sick. fainting, knocking over a mannequin display at the eddie bauer at fairview mall (you're welcome, sisters), passing out at school and having to be carried out by julie (thank you, sister), missing so many activities and things i wanted to do but couldn't. having 'jenn's always sick anyways' thrown in my face by a childhood friend, being made to feel bad about pain and not wanting to be in the mood, having to cancel plans last minute because of pending pain, side effects from meds i'm taking that make me sick, but not quite as sick as the original problem - so i deal. like i deal with it all. [like a warrior. i have held my pain like the damn death star. my uterus is the death star. except that time i carried and birthed a baby, and then it was fucking AWESOME!] typically it's bottom shelf paper bag internalized. and for years my solution was to therapy it out, or shove the feels down hard so i developed massive GI issues, or maybe that is the endo, who the fuck knows. fast forward years of therapy and a shit ton of medication and three suicide attempts, the final one being in 2007. i was hospitalized for the final attempt at sunnybrook's mental health ward. the F ward, i shit you not. i felt like girl intrurrupted, but there was no winona or angelina. there was a pam and a joan. no padded room, but i couldn't leave to go outside for the first week. that was fucked up.

pain is pain, and although i am a fan of ja-rule, pain has never equaled love to me. it has only left me with an overwhelming hate for parts of my life, that were always plagued by illness, pain, and brewing depressive state. i would get sick for long, long periods of time and there would be no reason for it. had i known then what i had (endo, adeno, fibro, MFGT's) it would have made sense. two of the three are auto-immune diseases. i get a cold, and i really get it. i lose my voice, and it's gone for months.

the only fast thing i've done is labour and delivery. it might seem strange to put the birth of my child in the pain category, however the story will explain why in a mo. i arrived at the hospital at 10am at 2cm dilated, upon exam by a nurse i pushed and my water broke, i was put in a wheelchair and brought to wait for a L&D room, outside the exam room and in the tiny hallway, there my insides tore open, quite literally, nerve damage, and rapid labour. i screamed and screamed and was told to wait while they got things ready. i mean. i thought i was dying. why was this happening so fast? my husband came back up as i was being brought into the room (i think, some details are fuzzy). i was examined by a doctor and was at 10cm. it hadn't been more than 10 minutes since i had arrived. i remember things moving too quickly for me and i was very panicked that something was wrong. i remember being told the boy's heartbeat was becoming compromised and we needed to get him out. options included a C-section, forceps, or the vacuum. all terrified me as i literally was without ANY pain management. we opted for the vacuum and they offered me laughing gas as a super sad knife-in-the-back compromise. i took it, but the hell? AT THAT VERY MOMENT I WANTED THE SWEET, SWEET NECTAR OF THE ALL POWERFUL EPIDURAL! four pushes with the vacuum on and the boy was born, at 10:35am. in 35 minutes i arrived at the hospital had my baby, like whatevs, and held him while being stitched up. naturally there were stitches. i can't even with that pain. OMG. people say you won't remember the labour pain and that 'it'll just go away when you see your perfect baby', you know what? they lied to your face, or they had an epidural, or they didn't experience rapid labour. 2-10 in 5 minutes. they did not teach me that in L&D class. i wanted ice chips, and the tub, and the playlist of music, and maybe a pelvic roll or two on the ball, but no, miles wanted his entrance to be dramatic and fast and it was nothing less than that.

any and all of the things i've battled have stayed with me like wearing a cloak, all day everyday i feel pain, whether it's physical, mental, emotional, or otherwise, i feel it. i can't see it but i fucking feel it. with diagnosis always come the waiting game of endless specialists, tests, interventions by way of oral medication, physical therapy, walking epidurals, suppositories in my ass or vag, chiropractor visits, along with visits to acupuncture, massage, GP, GYNE, and psychologists.

after a thirty year battle, and almost one year of keeping this in my drafts folder, i finally have felt an end to my endometriosis and adenomyosis pain. a hysterectomy and final excision of endo from nerve clusters fused together because of it, i can breathe. i can breathe clearly and without a constant fear of nausea, hot flashes, bizarre mood swings because of the menopausal state the IUD was causing, and chronic pelvic/back/low abdomen/bowel pain. i still have a 44 year old body and permanent nerve damage from rapid labour and negligence from a past surgeon, but holy hot hell it's nice to not want to punch people in the face for asking you how you feel. i know that's not a normal reaction to that question. i get that. however, as someone who has suffered from chronic pain her whole adult life, it is the hardest question to answer honestly. how you feel sometimes is like shit, or crap, or a god damn mess, or you just don't want to talk, especially to that person but you can't say it. so you answer, 'fine', 'great', or 'living the dream'. is the honest answer the best answer? it may not be, but it's the one with the least amount of follow up questions or lengthy conversation to follow. i love things, and flowers, and coffee, and white wine, and my man friend, and my kid, and my family, and a handful of others - but for the most part i would honestly prefer not to talk to anyone about anything. it's all the same conversation anyway. and i'm tired. tired of listening. tired of talking/hearing my own voice. tired of noise. in need of quiet and calm. my one year surgery anniversary is coming up and i'm looking forward to it. i have never looked forward to a post surgery anything because those have always led to more surgeries. but the doctor from brazil with the 'small hands' did the job this time. removed the death star and its accompanying bullshit organs (tubes and cervix) and we are good to go now. she works again, without pain 😉

surgeries for endometriosis & adenomyosis

2006 - laser laparoscopic discovery of endo

2009 - stage IV endo excision via laparoscopy

2015 - laser laparoscopic removal of endo & appendectomy

2016 - endo excision via laparoscopy

2019 - full hysterectomy (minus ovaries) and extensive endo excision on nerve clusters fused together