#jack & dean + i wish i couldn't feel a thing

[shallowstories]

It feels good. Being God, that is.

Or maybe it just feels good to feel nothing.

///

Jack is surprised when the powers of Chuck wash over him.

It's not painful or ugly or horrible. It just feels tingly.

Weird.

And suddenly all that pain and confusion he'd been feeling since he got his soul back?

It just vanishes.

It's a relief.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 8, Part 4: "Let The Games Begin", the part where Lorelai says that if Jess was trapped inside her burning house she would save her shoes first

Lorelai Gilmore, you are no Jack Pearson. I won't complete that thought, even though I'm feeling nice and mean and I totally should.

Scene: Lorelai and Rory are discussing the upcoming road trip to New Haven with the Gilmore Grands. Rory forgot to pack. Lorelai goes into panic mode. Rory questions why she needs to pack her entire closet for a short road trip. Lorelai recounts a family vacation story from her childhood that would be best unpacked in a lengthy therapy session, frets that her mother will lecture them for under-packing, starts rummaging through Rory's dresser. Rory catches Lorelai making a double entendre about a meaty taco and declares it was dirty. The show makes another dig at New Haven after Lorelai brings home a pamphlet about Exciting Things to Do In New Haven but it's only a few pages long.

You sound surprised, as if ya'll aren't wearing heavy coats and long sleeves in the spring and summer. I swear there's something in the drinking water affecting everyone's thyroids in this town, they can't regulate their body temperatures.

Could anyone tell I'm stalling here? Classic Salty.

Rory: Mom, stop rummaging through my shit. Awwwe. Even Evil Villains like Lorelai Gilmore get the blues. I'm surprised she decided to go on this road trip to Yale instead of sending Rory off alone with the Grands, that way she'd have the house and Dean Forrester to herself the entire day. Since Dean's sexual stamina only extends to 1-2 minutes, they could have had sex hundreds of times in a day.

Two quips that sprang to mind (couldn't decided which one was better): The only words Lorelai is thinking about right now are "Dean" and "Shower". Lorelai thinks Jess removed Rory's bracelet while they're in the shower together? Jess could only hope.

Excuse me for a moment... *deep inhale*

I went into the Tumblr gifs library and looked up "peaceful". Here is a nice, presumably not-evil, Peaceful Bunny.

So not only does Jess commit attempted vehicular homicide, and steal Quarters on a String, he steals said QOAS by forcibly ripping them directly off the wrists of poor unsuspsecting delicate young ladies.

Nice try. You think you're so slick, but you're not, Slick Gilly.

You all don't understand the effort it takes for me to break down a scene like this without taking the cowards way out and simply rage quitting (which I have done before). I have to come up with multiple lines of witty, cutting commentary about what is unfolding before me, when all I want to do is KEYBORD SMASH. SO, YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL!! ITS A FREE COUNTRY ISNT IT! BALD EAGLE BASEBALL APPLE PIE! (Deep inhale) sagfshafgahfgasvxzcywtryqwuhajlkansjbkfagsfyafvabsfvsdgr2347527q2y4q#&$T%#^%^#*U@(%)&@tGSHFBSHFSVAGFSFS FUCKYOULORELAIGILMORE#^&#^%&#^WGHFSHGAS@$%@^@

Thank for reminding the audience the reason why Lorelai thinks Jess should, ya know, die painfully and slowly. He was mouthy once. (the Netflix captions borked the line; Rory also said "and wrecked my car", but as if that makes Lorelai's treatment of Future Nephew any more justifable).

I am told that in a later season, Lorelai bemoans the fact that unlike Dean, Jess never offered to change her water bottle for her. NOW WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? YOU'RE ABOUT TO WISH HIM A FIREY DEATH. AND WHEN HE WAS (FORCIBLY) APPOINTED TO CLEAN YOUR GUTTERS YOU DIDN'T WANT HIS HELP..

Lorelai practically moans this, lol. We know "Change the water bottle" can mean two very different things. You ain't so slick, Slick Gilly.

Welcome to Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation Theater! See, here's the thing Slick Gilly, I watched an entire frigging episode about you accusing Jess of being a thief, it was called Lost and Found and it took me four frigging centuries to finish, I'm quite sure I have concrete evidence that you have accused him of stealing things. I am Jess Mariano's defense attorney and I will see you in court. Bring Rory too, she should also start getting used to what a court room looks like.

Rory, honey. Sweetie. Sugar bear. It's best you don't wish for a crystal ball. Just strap in to the rollercoaster that is dating Jess Mariano while living with your mother, and pray.

See, here's the thing Slick Gilly, I watched an entire frigging episode about you not letting Jess enter your house, it was called Swan Song and it will take me four frigging centuries to rewatch it.

This "Jess talks in grunts" shtick is getting old and moldy.

So not only does Jess commit attempted vehicular homicide, steal Quarters on a String, and steal said QOAS by forcibly ripipng them directly off the wrists of poor unsuspsecting delicate young ladies, but he's also an arsonist, and not only is he an arsonist, he's such a bad one that he'll apparently be killed by his handiwork? (he also can't be trusted to clean gutters). He was probably trying to off himself instead of live in Stars Hollow for another minute. Can we recall another time Rory tried to play this same grim hypothetical with her mom? Does Rory, like Jess, also have some kind of firey death wish? I mean, who can blame either of them. *twinkly flashback music to early season 2*

I notice Pigtails didn't say "my daughter" this time, either. Sorry Rory. Maybe try playing a third time until she answers with "Some form of human life." Lorelai lies to Rory's face that she "promised you before and am promising you again that I will cut "this kid" some slack." Alright, I ran through my 30 screen shots, let's stuff this scene in a sack and throw it into the lake with Shane and her swan family.

Rory: "You're just waiting for the day I break up with Jess." Lorelai The Villain: "Did I like Dean? Yes. Did I worry less when you were with dean? Yes! I never expected you to be with Dean forever. I don't expect you to be with Jess forever." What a pile of rancid baloney. Maybe he won't be with Rory forever, but 13 years later Jess becomes her nephew and will be a part of her family forever and I will never, ever, ever stop loving that. What JUSTICE.

When I hit my lowest of low valleys listening to this wretched woman spew her many lies and Gilly-Nonsense, It's often the only thing that makes me smile.

[maddiehu7]

My angel | Castiel |

Chapter 2

*knock knock*

"So, where is it?" A girl with black hair and a tank top opens the door

"Where's what?" I question

"the pizza that takes two guys to deliver" she says sarcastically

"I think we got the wrong room" Dean sighs out

"Hey is-" Sam says coming out from around the corner

"Hey, ya, Sammy" Dean says smiling, Sam breathing heavily looking at him in shock, Dean goes towards him for a hug but Sam jumps into action taking out a knife and pinning Dean against the wall, bobby jumping in pulling Sam off him

"Who are you!" Sam shouts trying to get out of Bobby's hold

"Like you didn't do this" Dean says angrily

"Do what?!" Sam continues shouting

"It's him Sam, it's him, I've been through this already it's really him" Bobby says still holding Sam back

"But..." Sam starts to calm down

"I know, I look fantastic" Dean says smiling walking towards him Sam just looks at him for a second before hugging him tightly

"So, are you to like....together?" We all look to the girl in the corner

"What? No, he's my brother" Sam smiles

"O-oh got it...I guess, look I should probably go" she says awkwardly

"Yeah-yeah probably a good idea..sorry" Sam sighs out, she collects her clothes Sam also getting dressed while we stand there awkwardly

"So call me?" she says heading out the door

"Yeah, yeah sure thing Kathy" Sam says

"Christie" she corrects

"Right" they stand there awkwardly for a second before she leaves, Sam closes the door coming over to sit down as we all look at him suspiciously

"So tell us what'd it cost?" I question angrily pissed at the fact he hasn't even acknowledged me

"The girl? I don't pay Mia" he looks at me laughing my face screwing up in disgust

"Not funny Sam, to bring me back what'd it cost? Was it just your soul of was it something worse?" Dean takes over

"You think I made a deal?"

"That's exactly what we think" I say

"Well I didn't" he sounds honest but if he didn't bring dean back, who did?

"Don't lie to us" Dean says seriously

"I'm not lying" Sam looks up at him

"So, what now? I'm off the hook and your on is that it? Your some demons bitch boy, I didn't wanna be saved like this"

"Look, Dean I wish I had done it, all right?" Sam stands up but when he does Dean grabs him by the shirt harshly

"There's no other way that this could have gone down now tell the truth!" Dean yells, Sam pushing him off

"I tried everything that's the truth, I tried opening the devils gate, hell I tried to bargain Dean but no demon would deal all right....you were rotting in hell for months-for months and I couldn't stop it so I'm sorry it wasn't me...Dean I'm sorry" Sam finish's sadly

"It's okay Sammy...you don't have to apologize I believe you" Dean sighs out

"Don't get wrong I'm gladden that Sam's soul remains intact, but that does raise a sticky question" Bobby speaks up

"If he didn't pull Dean out, then what did?" I say confused.

We all sit down, Sam handing Dean and Bobby a beer

"So what were you doing around here if you weren't digging me out of my grave?" Dean asks taking a swig of his drink

"Well once I figured out I couldn't save you....i started hunting Lilith down, trying to get some payback" Sam says

"All by yourself?" I question still angry he didn't call once

"Yeah I'm-I'm sorry Mia and Bobby I should have called, I was pretty messed up" Sam sighs out not even sounding sorry

"Oh like I wasn't you fucking asshole" I spit back

"Mia..." Sam trails off not knowing what to say

"Whatever Sam" is say tearing up a bit, Bobby rubbing my shoulder

"I know a girl her names Pamela she could probably help with something like this" Bobby says to us

"Well what are we waiting for" I say swallowing my feelings, walking out the door them following me

We get in baby for the first time in a year and it's like coming home I sit in the back smiling

"What the hell is that?" Dean says looking at technology in his old car

"That's an iPod jack" Sam says smiling

"You were supposed to take care of her not douche her up" Dean says annoyed

"Dean I thought the car was mine" Sam scoffs, Dean just looks away rolling his eyes starting the car driving off

"There's still one thing that's bothering me" Dean speaks up after a couple minutes on the road

"Yeah?" I say

"Yeah the night that I got bit, how'd you two make it out? I thought Lilith was gonna kill you guys to" He says looking at Sam i just sit back in my seat knowing Dean will not react well to what happened

"We'll, she tried to kill Mia but I jumped in front of her but when I did nothing happened, she couldn't kill me"

"what do you mean she couldn't?" Dean says confused

"She fired this like burning light at me and...it didn't leave a scratch like I was immune or something" Sam says looking at Dean

"Immune?" He questions

"Yeah I don't know who was more surprised her or us, she left pretty fast after that"

"Huh" Dean sighs out

"What about queen of bitches ruby were is she?" I ask Sam

"Dead or in hell"

"So you've been using your freaky e.s.p stuff?" Dean questions and even though I'm not on the best terms with Sam I kick Deans seat for calling him freaky

"No" Sam says but I can tell there’s something more to it

"Sure about that? I mean now that you've got immunity, whatever the hell that is" i say sighing

"What other wierdo crap you got going on" Dean says bluntly

"Dean!" I scold him

"It's ok Mia" Sam smiles at me thankfully I just roll my eyes still mad at him

~~~time skip~~~

"Bobby!" A pretty woman comes out smiling hugging him

"Your a sight for sore eyes" Bobby smiles

"So, are you the kids he always talks about?" She says looking us up and down

"Sam, dean, Mia-Pamela Barnes best damn psychic in the state" Bobby says, we all say hi

"Mm,mm,mm" she says looking at us hungrily

"Dean Winchester out of the fire and back in the frying pain, huh? Makes you a rare individual" Pamela says

"if you say so" Dean replies

"Come on in" she says leading us into her house

"So you hear anything?" Bobby asks

"Well I quija-ed my way through a dozen spirits no one seems to know who broke your boy out or why" she sighs out

"So what's next" I say

"a seance I think, see if we can see who did the deed" she says

"Your not gonna summon the damn thing here?" Bobby questions

"No I just wanna get a sneak peak at it, like a crystal ball without the crystal"

"I'm game" I say she smiles at me leading us to a table and laying a cloth down on it, setting up some candles, and turning the lights off having us all sit down

“Take each others hands, and I need to touch something our mystery monster touched” Pamela says, we all look at Dean as he pulls up his shirt sleeve reviling the handprint

“Ok” she says as she places her hand on it closing her eyes

“I invoke, conjure, and command you to appear unto me before this circle” she says repeating it a couple times before the tv turns on and the table starts to shake

“Castiel?” She says I look at her questioningly

“No sorry castiel I don’t scare easy” she says challenging it

“Castiel?” I ask

“Its name, it’s whispering to me to turn back, I conjure and command you show me your face” she repeats

“Maybe we should stop” Bobby says worriedly

“I almost got it” she says quickly going back to repeating

“Show me your face now!” She yells but all of a sudden the candles light up and she’s screaming her eyes burning white as she passes out

“Call 911!” Bobby yells to us who look in shock, Sam goes and grabs the phone as we huddle around Pamela

“I can’t see” she sobs me and Bobby looking at each other confused, what the hell just happened and who’s castiel?

[welldonebeca]

The Boy (I)

Summary: During a witch hunt, Jack accidentally turns into a little kid.

The problem is that it wasn’t a spell. Sometimes he just wants his body to reflect the age he sometimes feels like.

The thing is… the guys don’t know about that. Yet.

Characters: Jack, Dean. Sam, Castiel.

WC: 2.5k words

Warnings: Age regression. Fluff. Angst. Canon.

Masterlist

Jack watched his feet swinging for a moment, too short for the tall bed.

He didn't know when he had gotten this power. Maybe he always had it.

He remembered being a baby in his mother's womb and feeling how scared and afraid to have him out there in the world like a baby, so he made himself grown.

Or maybe it was something that came from absorbing Chuck's power, though most of it was gone - Free will was finally real.

Either way, Jack just knew that one day he was in his bed, watching TV on his laptop, and then he looked down on himself and he was just a small child.

He didn't freak out.

It wasn't like he didn't want it.

So he reached for his favourite teddy - talking Marwin, a gift from Cas - and hugged him close. It was so much bigger now, he needed more than just his hand to hold it close.

"What do I do?" he tried to ask, but the bear didn't answer, so he just went back to his show.

Bluey was very cool. The music was nice, and he wanted to be like her.

He wished he had someone to giggle around and play with, like Bluey had Bingo.

Jack kept watching for another hour, and by the time Sam was back to get him for dinner, he was older again.

He didn't understand what it all meant, but he didn't want to stop.

So, since he was an actual adult, he went online and got things for himself. Colouring books, toys, squishmallows - his favourite - and lots of soft clothes that made him feel very small.

Now, Jack knew he should tell someone. He knew he probably should have told his father, most especially. But thinking of telling him made him think of the empty and how he died because he was trying to save him, and his stomach would act all weird, and he knew he would cry if he was smaller.

They didn't talk about things because Jack had fixed everything!

So why mess it up again?

So, he kept it a secret. Dean always said that usually worked. And it did.

Until it didn't.

They were out to a hunt in New Orleans, in the swamps, and Dean was excited to bring Jack along. He wanted Jack to get better at hunting, which made him excited! He craved Dean's approval and worked hard for it.

Even though Dean's motto was ‘prepare for anything’, they were not prepared for five swamp witches. Castiel was able to take some on his own, but with his limited grace, he had to team up with Dean, and Jack did the same with Sam.

He tried to stay close to him, but then he was thrown into the lake, and when he was out, the witches had his dad in a chokehold of vines.

"No!" he cried out.

"You killed my sister," she hissed cruelly. "I'll take something from you, too, now."

The vines wrapped around him, pulling him into the mud, and Jack panicked.

"No, please," he tried to beg as Sam's face became red.

She couldn't hurt him, no!

"I'll drown you until you die," she taunted Jack. "And kill your father here right in front of your eyes, and you can do nothing about it."

"No!" he shouted, feeling his eyes glowing. "You won't hurt him! I won't let anyone else die!"

A blast of light came out of him and he couldn't stop screaming, until his throat was hurting and he was sobbing, tiny feet stuck in the mud and the vines weren't holding him anymore.

"Jack?!" he heard. "Oh my God."

Sam grabbed him, lifting him, and Jack whined, crying and crying, trying to stop but he just couldn't!

His emotions were too much, everything was too much.

He barely understood what the others said as Sam wrapped something warm and soft around him and rubbed his back, walking.

The floor was so distant now, he was so tall.

"It's alright," he spoke softly. "You are alright, it's alright."

But he just fisted his shirt in his little hands.

Of course he knew he was alright! But he was scared.

She had almost killed him.

"Are you sure he isn't hurt?" Castiel asked from behind him.

"I checked," Sam's big hands rubbed his back. "But he won't calm down."

He sat in the car with him, and he could hear movement around them.

"Boy might be small, but he's got some strong lungs," Dean grunted.

They could have died!

Again!

And he couldn’t see them dying again, he couldn’t!

What if he hadn’t saved them, and then they were hurt? And maybe one of the witches was still there and maybe she would come after them, and then his family would be hurt, and…

“Alright!” Dean spoke and the car suddenly stopped. “Give him to me. You drive.”

Sam froze, holding him.

“Dean…”

"I will not be driving back to the motel covered in swamp and witch guts with a screaming kid,” he interrupted him. “Hand him to me.”

Jack cried more. Was he mad at him?

Had he done anything wrong? Why was he so loud and angry?

Sam moved and passed him on, and Jack was ready to hear him saying he was crying too much, and was disturbing them and had to shut, up, but Dean just held him close.

“Hey, Jack,” he spoke softly, rubbing his back with a hand and petting his hair with another. “It’s alright. We’re safe, everyone is safe.”

Jack squeezed his shirt in his hand, trying to breathe. But before they weren’t!

“You’re safe,” he assured him again. “We are safe. We are going to be alright.”

He could just sniff, and Dean moved him back, looking at his face, and focused his green eyes on him.

“Can you breathe with me?” he asked.

Jack tried to nod, still sobbing, and Dean opened his mouth like a fish, taking his hand and putting it on his chest and doing the same with Jack.

“We suck in,” he instructed, and breathed in, and he tried to follow him along. “Hold it.”

Dean puffed his cheeks, and he did the same,

He raised his hand, and showed him his closed fist, counting up to five with it.

“And out,” he exhaled slowly.

He nodded, doing it with him, and Dean smiled softly.

“Again, okay?” he asked.

Jack let him guide him, and finally felt himself a little bit calmer, and rested his cheek on his chest, turning to the side as Dean just continued to rub his back, now slowly.

It was only then that he saw Sam.

He was all dirty, with big red marks on his neck.

Oh no!

He whined, unable to stop himself, and Dean brushed his hair back.

“Hey,” he called softly, making him look at him. “You’re scared for Sammy, that is it? He’s okay, it was just a scare. Sammy is a big boy.”

He nodded to himself. Alright, okay.

Yes, he was alright.

Sam was super strong. Well, not as strong as Cas, but still really strong!

He almost dozed off into Dean’s chest - the car was moving so nicely, and the noise felt good. But Jack woke up when they reached the motel, and he adjusted him in his arms.

“Okay, Jack,” he squeezed him a little, opening the door of the car. “Let’s get you cleaned up, uh?”

“I do it,” Castiel spoke before Dean could step out, and he turned to see him standing outside.

He felt him stopping.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I mean, he’s like… he is a kid, we should-”

“He is my son, Dean,” Castiel interrupted him, firmly.

Jack turned to look at him, and stretched his arms to him, and put his head on his shoulder when his father picked him up.

Cas easily graced all the mud and blood away from him, but he put some warm water to place Jack in the tub, and knelt in front of him to scrub him clean.

He just wished they had some bath toys. The water felt so boring.

"Jack?" he called softly, rubbing soap on his arms and shoulders, to clean him. "Do you know who I am?"

He looked up and smiled. Of course he knew!

"Papa!" he cooed.

Castiel relaxed, his shoulders dropping a little as he relaxed.

“Yes, sweet boy,” he scrubbed his neck. “Do you know how this happened?"

Oh.

They didn’t know that it was Jack who had done this.

They probably thought it was the witch.

The witch who had been trying to hurt his dad, and then he-

"I hurt that lady," he realised, pouting and running his hand through the water while Cas ran shampoo through his hair.

"You were protecting Sam," Cas corrected him, and covered his eyes with a clean hand as he rinsed it off.

Still, Jack continued to pout.

"I don’t like hurting people..." he confessed.

Even if it was to protect other people.

Castiel sighed and looked at him, sad.

"I know, and you shouldn’t have to," he caressed his hair. "You seem to be all clean, are you ready to come out?"

Jack nodded. He usually liked bath time at the bunker, but there were no bubbles he could make and no toys he could play with, so he just let papa lift him up and bundle him in a towel.

When they walked into their room, seeing Dean walk past them, he raised his eyes to find Sam there in front of a mirror.

"Sam,” Cas squeezed him close. “Let me heal you.”

He shook his head, looking at them.

"No, no, Cas, you’ve used up a lot of grace,” he waved a hand to him, not even looking in his direction. “It’s just the skin, don’t worry."

When he turned around, his face softened the moment Sam saw him.

"Hey buddy,” he walked to him, and tickled his belly, making him giggle. “Your dad got you all cleaned up, uh?”

“He is not a muddy boy anymore,” Castiel joked.

Sam smiled and touched his face, hand looking huge.

"Well, it looks like Jack's clothes shrunk with him, but they’re all pretty dirty,” he told his papa and then looked at him. “So your tighty whiteys will have to do, little man, and you can borrow one of Dean's shirts."

He giggled.

Tighty whiteys.

He was still laughing about it as Sam pulled a Metallica shirt over him, covering him up like a dress - though Jack didn’t quite care - and jumped at the fluffy motel carpet when his feet touched it.

So fluffy!

“Are you sure he should be barefoot on this carpet?” Castiel asked, eyes focused on it as if he could see every stain down the molecular level. “It’s so dirty.”

Jack giggled.

Molecular.

That was a funny word too.

“Well, his socks are all caked with mud,” Sam remarked. “Plus, kids build up immunity. He’ll be alright.”

Jack fell seated, and then slapped the carpet.

Fluffy fluff.

“I didn’t hear the witch say anything before she died,” he told them, sounding more serious. “Are you sure it’s a curse?

“What else could it be?” Castiel asked back, and Sam sighed.

“We shouldn’t have gone on this hunt,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “But it’s what we do, right?”

The two exchanged looks, and his Papa tilted his head, looking sad and unsure.

“Does it always have to be?”

The question hung in the air before the bathroom door opened, and Dean looked over at them.

"Is that my shirt?" Dean suddenly looked at Jack and he smiled, pulling his legs under it.

"He needed clothes," Sam said simply, walking into the bathroom and closing the door.

He was so tall.

Dean sighed

"That was the only shirt I packed," he huffed, but he didn’t seem to care, laying on the bed shirtless.

Oh! The bed!

He stood up and tried to climb up, grabbing the mattress and jumping a little.

He was too little to climb.

“Unkie Dean!” he whined.

Dean chuckled.

“You got it, buddy,” he flipped through the channels. “I believe in you.”

Jack stopped, surprised.

He did?!

“Okie,” he grabbed the mattress, trying his hardest.

“Do you want my help?” papa offered.

He shook his head.

“No, thank you,” he swung his leg up, propping it against the mattress to help him up. “I got it.”

He was able to throw his arms over, but the quilted blanket started to make him slip down just after he grabbed it, and Jack gasped, falling on his butt on the carpet.

“Oh no, poor buddy,” Dean laughed.

He pouted, feeling his lip trembling and about to cry, but suddenly Dean’s arm swung over the side of the bed, and he didn’t seem to notice it, just watching the TV.

This was his chance!

Jack grabbed his arm and used it to climb up right, and almost missed when he helped him move up, pulling his arm back and holding his leg.

“See?” he asked. “I told you that you could do it.”

He squealed, all excited, and jumped on the bed, happy.

“Papa, I did it!”

Castiel walked to him, putting his arm out, looking a little cautious.

"I’m so proud of you, angel," he smiled.

Jack giggled, feeling a little flushed as he fell and sat on the bed.

“Yeah, you are a baby angel, uh?” Dean teased, tickling his belly.

Jack huffed. Baby? He wasn’t a baby!

“I’m not a baby!” he held up his hand. “I’m five! Not a baby!”

Dean just chuckled

“Oh yes you’re right you’re not a little baby with a cute baby face,” he suddenly scooped Jack into his arms, trapping him between his chest, squeezing and tickling him more.

He couldn’t help laughing more.

“Be careful Dean,” Sam called, and he looked over to find him across the room in his pyjamas. “We don’t know if he remembers being potty trained.”

He wanted to frown, but only managed to laugh.

Of course he remembered how to use the potty!

“Daddy!” he called, squirming away from him. “Help!”

Sam hurried over and picked him up, freeing Jack from his brother's tickling fingers.

“You’re safe,” he smiled.

Jack watched his face, finding him a little conflicted, but just cuddled up to him.

“Daddy,” he yawned.

Oh, he was sleepy.

Sam moved to his bed and gave him space to cuddle up to him.

“Don’t think too much about it, Sammy,” Dean yawned. “Tomorrow we’ll get back to the bunker and we’ll figure out what to do.”

Jack squirmed a bit but tried to keep his eyes closed.

His bigger side was worried about what he could say when they got back home. He couldn’t be a baby forever, but he didn’t want to go back to being just Jack.

He relaxed when he felt a hand on his hair, brushing it back, and a kiss on his forehead.

“Sleep well, Jack,” papa’s deep voice soothed him while daddy held him closer. “I’ll watch over you.”

Maybe he could try to stay little for just a little longer.

[440mxs-wife]

Treasure Quest, Chapter 8: Wedding Day

Pairing: Captain Dean x Rhaya Payton (OFC, eventual) Other Characters: Sam Winchester, Captain Keira, Captain Crowley, Lucifer, Lord Darius Payton, Lord Ashton Kane, Connor (OMC's) Carissa Payton, Darcy (OFC's).

Word Count: 4649

Warnings: Angst, Realization of Feelings, a bit of Rhaya's self-doubt, Unwanted Wedding Ceremony, Slight Medical Issue, but Still Scheming Stepmother and Still Annoying Fiancé

Series Summary: Rhaya Payton is the daughter of the governor of Ochana. She grew up listening to her father tell her stories of pirates and treasure maps. At a gala one night, her stepmother, Carissa, announces Rhaya’s engagement to Ashton Kane, a wealthy nobleman. Only problem is, no one checked with Rhaya first. After overhearing plans made by her fiancé, Rhaya decides to go on the run and stows away on Captain Dean’s ship. What will happen when he finds her?

This Chapter: After a confrontation at breakfast with her stepmother, Rhaya doubles down on her resolve to avoid marriage to Ashton at all cost. Carissa may have her plans, but Keira and Darcy have Rhaya's back as they formulate plans of their own. Captain Dean & Company are racing to get to the church and receive assistance from an unusual source. The closer she gets to "I do", the more desperate Rhaya becomes, so she takes matters into her own hands. Will the Captain of Rhaya's heart arrive in time to stop the ceremony? Tune in to find out....Enjoy!

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Rhaya listened as Keira reviewed the events of the past few days. She explained how they arrived at the island, found the treasure, and their narrow escape from the island's inhabitants. When Keira mentioned that some of the crew were injured, she was quick to assure Rhaya that nothing was life-threatening. Jack would make a full recovery, she promised. Both women laughed at Dean's assertions that the young man would now have better luck with the ladies.

"Speaking of Dean, will he....is he....um....he's on his way here, right?" Rhaya asked in a small voice.

Keira thought back to her last conversation with Dean, right before she set sail for Ochana. She knew he was committed to the plan to at least stall, if not stop, the wedding. However, he mentioned some business he had to attend to before he could leave Alcaria. He had sent her ahead to carry out the plan, in case he couldn't get to Ochana in time.

"Honey, I'm not sure. He said he had some things to do once he got home to Alcaria. But he sent me here first to make sure to stop or somehow stall your wedding to Lord Dumbass," Keira muttered.

"Well, I am all for that, you know. But how are we going to do it? I mean, you've got a plan all worked out, right?" Rhaya wondered.

Keira snorted. "Are you seriously doubting my scheming ability right now? I think you've forgotten who you're dealing with," she responded with a slight scowl. "Here's what I've got so far."

***

Dean stood at the bow of the ship, willing it to find the right winds to carry it faster from Alcaria to Ochana. The plan he had outlined with Keira was only designed to get things to a certain point, which was to prevent Rhaya's marriage to Ashton. After that, the details were a little fuzzy, but Dean figured that the pieces would somehow magically fall into place.

Sam cautiously approached his brother, who continued to stare out at the horizon, wishing they had already reached their destination. "Dean, we're going as fast as we can. Keira knows what she's doing, and she has allies on the inside to help her and Rhaya. No one wants to see her marry Lord Hoity-Toity," Sam grumbled.

"I know, Sam," Dean sighed. "It's just....I want to be there to protect her, you know? It's not only Lord Stuck-Up that I'm worried about, it's also her horrible stepmother. Rhaya told me about her, and it wasn't a rosy picture. Carissa has ways of dealing with people who don't bend to her will, and for that reason, I don't want my girl anywhere near her. There's no telling what that witch will do to Rhaya when this wedding goes south," Dean noted grimly.

Seeing his brother so determined to defend his girl against her stepmother ignited a glimmer of hope in Sam that maybe Dean had found his someone. "Then it's a good thing I see the coastline of Ochana," he grinned. He pointed to a stretch of land in the distance, a sandy beach giving way to a hill of green grass. Wooden docks extended out into the water, with tall, well-muscled men waiting to catch the docking ropes as soon as they were thrown.

"Hot damn, that's it!" Dean exclaimed. Seeing how close they were made him even more anxious to reach their destination. Only problem was, they were at the mercy of the wind currents. Suddenly, as if by the Fates, the sails seemed to catch a tailwind, which increased their speed. Hold on, sweetheart, Dean silently pleaded. I'm almost there, and once I am, I promise I will do everything in my power to protect you.

***

Sunlight filtered through gauzy curtains, stretching its fingers across the hand-sewn quilt tucked around the sleeping form in the bed. A knock at the door elicited a groan from the body being kept warm under the quilt. As much as she wanted to send away her visitor with a bark of, "Go away!", Rhaya reluctantly sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Just a minute," she mumbled. 

Slowly padding over to the door, she opened it to reveal Darcy and Keira, and gave them a sleepy smile. "Come on in," she said through a yawn as she stepped aside to allow access.

"Your stepmother is expecting you to join her at the breakfast table to discuss some wedding-related details with you. She said, and I quote, 'If she's not here in the next 30 minutes, I will drag her to this table myself and I won't care if she's still in her nightgown'," Darcy explained with a grimace.

The three women looked at each other and all rolled their eyes. "Fine," Rhaya sighed. "I'll wish my father 'good morning', have some breakfast, and hear what the Evil One has to say. Then I will return to my room where I will disregard everything she said that doesn't fit with our plans."

Twenty-nine minutes later, Rhaya sauntered into the dining room, where her father and Carissa were seated. Her father was situated at the head of the table, where she stopped to give him a peck on the cheek. "Good morning, Papa," she wished him with a smile, and then took her seat in the chair to his right. 

"Good morning, Rhaya. I was beginning to wonder if you'd be joining us as I requested, or if you'd run away again," Carissa remarked.

"Good morning, Stepmother. As you can see, I am present and accounted for, and within your 30-minute deadline. Fully dressed as well, because goodness knows I wouldn't want to be brought to the table inappropriately dressed," she challenged, her eyes narrowed at Carissa.

Lord Darius turned to his daughter, barely suppressing a smile. "Today's a busy day for you, sweetheart. Are you nervous with all of this? It would be all right if you were, since you are taking an important step in your life," he pointed out as he reached for her hand.

Rhaya squeezed her father's hand. "No, Papa, as important as all of this is, I'm not nervous. I'm certain that events will unfold exactly as they are supposed to," she replied.

At that moment, a staff member entered the dining room and informed Lord Darius of a matter that needed his immediate attention. He politely excused himself, expressing his apologies to his wife and daughter. He pressed a kiss to Rhaya's temple and told her that he would be waiting for her in the designated area of the church to walk her down the aisle.

As soon as he left the room, the tension between the two women increased to the 11th level. The remaining staff stood off to the side, ready to fulfill any need, but were also prepared for a hasty exit, should the situation require it. They glanced nervously among themselves as they waited for some sort of break that was sure to occur.

"You certainly enjoy pushing my orders to the breaking point, don't you? I ask you to be here in thirty minutes, you show up in twenty-nine," she commented dryly. "Mark my words, Rhaya, this day will unfold exactly as it is supposed to, because I will make sure of it. I will watch your father walk you down the aisle in the dress I have chosen for you. He will then take his place at my side, where we will bear witness to your exchange of vows with Ashton," Carissa concluded.

Rhaya scoffed in response to her last comment. "You know damned well that I do not want to be married to Ashton or to anyone else unless it is my decision. Just because I'm the governor's daughter doesn't mean I'm entitled to anything less than my own choice of who I share my life with. I realize that today is going forward whether I like it or not, but that doesn't mean everything will happen exactly according to your plan," she retorted.

Carissa slammed her hands on the table, causing the dishes to rattle and the staff to jump in surprise. "Watch your language, and DO NOT cross me, Rhaya!" she shouted, then took a deep breath to calm herself. "I will get what I want, which is you married to Ashton and out of this house, away from your father. Should you decide to take your chances and choose to defy me, there will be hell to pay, I assure you."

"Are you threatening me? Your own stepdaughter?" Rhaya exclaimed in disbelief.

Carissa calmly sipped her tea. "No threat, darling, a promise. The last person who got in the way of what I wanted? She suffered a great deal before there was nothing in this world that could save her. Your father, bless his soul, attempted everything to save her, which nearly cost him his own life. Luckily the Fates decided to intervene and spare him. While it's unfortunate that his salvation was at her expense, in the end, I got what I wanted. As I always will," she added darkly.

Rhaya watched as her stepmother returned her teacup to its saucer and rose from her chair. When Carissa rounded the corner of the table, she bent close to Rhaya's ear and whispered, "Don't be late." She patted her stepdaughter's shoulder before leaving the room.

The last exchange left Rhaya and the remaining dining room staff stunned and in shock. They all asked themselves the same questions. Did we hear that correctly? Did the governor's wife just admit that she had something to do with Lady Isabella's illness or even her death?!? What should we do now? With a renewed determination, Rhaya stood up from her chair and flashed a quick, sympathetic smile to the staff before leaving the room.

As soon as she closed the door to her bedroom, Rhaya began to pace the floor, her hands shaking in both fury and fear. Fury that Carissa essentially admitted to playing some part in what happened to her mother. Fear, because if push came to shove, and Rhaya pushed, Carissa would shove. After that, there's no telling what the outcome would be. She's already somewhat proven that murder is not beneath her and would feel zero remorse about it.

Rhaya wrapped her arms around herself, trying to focus on the plan formulated with Darcy and Keira. She glanced at the clock on her dresser and noted that it was time to start gathering what she would need to get ready for the wedding. Her dress and veil were already at the church, but she needed her shoes, makeup and hair accessories. Keira and Darcy would be helping her to apply her makeup and arrange her hair. 

This new development from breakfast with Carissa further solidified Rhaya's decision to abscond from her wedding day. She didn't love the groom and couldn't stand to remain any longer than ten minutes in his presence. In addition, she knew of his plans for her to meet with an unknown "accident", one from which he would make certain that she would not survive. Then there's that last, pesky detail. Her heart would always belong to a treasure-hunting sea captain, and that was unlikely to change.

***

Crowley paced back and forth beneath the tree while he waited for his counterpart to arrive. He had received a message from a member of the governor's staff, asking for a meeting. The note said it was important and pertained to the upcoming nuptials of Lady Rhaya and Lord Ashton. Crowley was of the opinion that the wedding was ill-advised, due to his perceived reluctance on the part of the bride-to-be.

When he heard the soft footsteps to his right, his hand immediately flew to the dagger at his side. Before he could draw it, the mysterious stranger called out. "Captain Crowley? Thank you for meeting me here." The visitor stepped into view, with beams from the moonlight allowing him to recognize her.

"Ah, Captain Keira, I presume," he drawled. "Currently of The Aurora, as inherited from Sydney "The Sparrow" upon her retirement," he remarked.

She nodded. "I appreciate you meeting me on such short notice and hope you can help me. I assume you are here for the wedding of my sister and her pig of a fiancé," she started. At Crowley's nod of confirmation, she continued. "This wedding must not take place, for many reasons. Not the least of which is Rhaya has developed feelings for Captain Dean Winchester."

Crowley snickered. "You don't say? Well, will wonders never cease. And what, pray tell, does this have to do with me?" he asked.

Keira explained the plan, or as much as had been formulated so far. Crowley listened intently, nodding where appropriate and offering his own suggestions. When she was finished presenting her case, she kept her gaze firmly locked on her fellow captain. "Can we count on your assistance, Captain Crowley?"

He thoughtfully stroked his bearded chin before his face broke into a wide grin. "From one captain to another, I will assist you in your endeavor. The lady Rhaya deserves much better than she has been promised to. Not to mention, it will give me no end of amusement to see Lord Jerk-Face get ditched at the altar," he muttered, sticking out his hand.

A look of gratitude passed over Keira's face as she shook Captain Crowley's hand. "Thank you, Captain, I swear you won't regret this. I promise to see that you are more than fairly compensated at the conclusion of this fiasco," she vowed. After giving Crowley a salute and receiving one in return, Keira reminded him to wait by the tree for the next phase of the plan.

On her way back to the mansion, Connor, the captain of the guards, was on his way to meet her. "Captain Keira, a ship has just entered our sovereign waters, The Black Diamond, and is asking for permission to dock in our harbor. However, Lady Carissa gave strict orders that our harbor is to be closed from now until the newlyweds depart. What shall I do?" he wondered.

Keira pinched the bridge of her nose and gave an exasperated sigh. "Of course she'd order that," she mumbled. "Connor, I've known you almost as long as I've known Rhaya, and I'm sure you'd want what's best for her. In that spirit, please grant docking privileges to The Black Diamond. I accept full responsibility from Lady Carissa," she affirmed, then glanced at her watch. "I am expected to meet with Rhaya to start getting ready for the wedding, so I must take my leave."

"I will do as you suggest, Captain Keira," he nodded, then took a half-step closer to her. "I hope I won't be out of line when I ask if you have some sort of plan for our dear Rhaya?" he asked.

"Absolutely, Connor," she smirked. "Please ask Captain Winchester to meet Captain Crowley at my favorite tree, the one where Rhaya and I first met." He agreed and watched as Keira continued on her way.

***

Rhaya sat in her chair at the vanity, absently twirling a makeup brush while she waited for her partners in crime. The plan was simple enough, sensible, not too many moving parts. She only hoped it was sufficient to ensure the ultimate outcome of her non-marriage to Ashton. If for some reason this didn't work, well....she shuddered to think of the alternative.

Keira and Darcy entered the room around fifteen minutes later and began the process of preparing the bride. Rhaya's hair was styled in a classic updo, with wispy tendrils on each side loosely curled to frame her face. Her makeup was kept minimal, using mostly neutral colors to allow her natural beauty to shine through.

After those tasks were completed, the women helped the bride to step into her dress. While Darcy laced the corseted bodice, Rhaya closed her eyes and allowed her thoughts to drift towards Dean. Though it had only been a short two weeks since she had last seen him, it had seemed like the longest two weeks of her life. 

It was more than just his friendship she missed. His absence made her heart ache to be with him, see him. She longed to look into his mossy green eyes and not find judgment in them for being her true self in his presence. Especially now, she craved the safety and security she felt when his arms were around her. Only now was she finally able to admit to herself that she loved him, and had been in love with him for some time.

"Time for your veil, my dearest friend," Darcy nudged softly. Rhaya gestured with her hand to where the veil was draped over the back of a chair. The silver tiara was simple, yet held no shortage of crystals to add sparkle to the occasion. Darcy situated it in her hair, careful not to disturb the locks piled on top of her head. Keira fanned out the piece of netting at the back to ensure no wrinkles, then moved to stand in front of the bride.

"For what it's worth, you look beautiful, Sis. Are you ready?" Keira asked as she and Darcy each took one of Rhaya's hands, giving them a gentle squeeze in consolation.

Rhaya took a deep breath to steady her nerves. "Ready as I'll ever be, I suppose," she replied. A knock sounded at the door and she heard her father's voice from the other side announcing it was time to go. Rhaya picked up her bouquet and the trio headed for the door.

Keira and Darcy stepped out first in their floor-length bridesmaids' dresses made of navy blue crèpe back satin, with a lace overlay on the bodice. Their hair and makeup were similar in style to the bride, and each carried a bouquet of white roses with a red ribbon woven among them.

Lord Darius gave each woman a beaming smile and expressed how lovely they looked before giving them a peck on the cheek. When he turned to his daughter, his eyes became glossy as he realized she was no longer his little girl, but a full-grown woman on her wedding day. "How I wish your mother was here to see this," he whispered, a lone tear streaking down his cheek. "Whatever happens today, I want you to know I love you very much, Rhaya."

Tears were threatening in her own eyes as the magnitude of the occasion and all that would unfold suddenly caught up with her. "I love you too, Papa," she replied softly. "Quick, pass me your handkerchief, please. Darcy will have my head if I ruin the work she put in on my makeup," she chuckled.

He did as she asked and watched as she carefully dabbed at her eyes. Once she had her emotions somewhat under control again, he kissed her forehead. Then he reached up and brought the veil down over her face. The doors then opened, and the music began to play the chosen piece for the march down the aisle. There were many expressions of approval rippling among the guests as the bride and her father walked past the pews.

At the altar, Lord Darius placed Rhaya's hand in Ashton's, then moved to take his place at Carissa's side. Rhaya hazarded a glance at her stepmother, who had a satisfied smirk on her face, certain that she had won this particular battle, if not the war. A grin twitched at the corners of Rhaya's mouth, because she knew the day was only getting started.

"Please be seated," the officiant commanded. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...."

***

Dean was met at the docks by Connor, who relayed Keira's message for him to meet someone in the trees behind the estate. The message was cryptic, but he trusted that the meeting was all part of Keira's plan, thus he followed its instructions. When he got to the designated spot, he could see no one waiting for him. He was about to leave when a figure emerged from behind the giant trunk.

"Captain Winchester I presume?" the man inquired.

"Who's asking?" Dean countered, his hand on his sword.

"Name's Fergus McLeod, but I'm better known as Crowley, Captain of The Moon Raider. I'm here on official business for Lady Rhaya and her friends, whose objective is to stop the wedding," he revealed.

Dean relaxed a bit and held out his hand for Crowley to shake. "I've heard of you. Nice to meet you in person, and I appreciate your help." Leaning closer, he asked, "By the way, what exactly is the plan?"

"Right now, we need to get you and Sam to the church, so I'll explain on the way." Dean started to follow, then stopped short at the mention of his brother. Crowley rolled his eyes at the unasked question of how he knew Sam had tagged along to the meeting. "Your brother must not have done well at Hide-and-Seek when you were wee Winchesters. He sticks out like a sore thumb. C'mon, we don't have much time," Crowley remarked.

***

The officiant had nearly finished his speech about how important it was to love, honor, respect, and cherish each other. Then he asked the most crucial question. "If anyone here knows of any reason why these two individuals should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Rhaya waited anxiously for someone, preferably Dean, to speak up on her behalf. As the silence grew, so did the beating of her heart until she thought it would nearly leap out of her chest. When a respectable amount of time had passed with no objections, the officiant smiled and prepared to resume the ceremony. Rhaya's heart plummeted to her shoes at the prospect of being legally bound to Ashton, and with that, she would always be at his mercy.

"Do you, Lord Ashton Kane, take Rhaya Payton to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forth?" the officiant asked.

"I do," Ashton replied with a fake smile.

The officiant turned his attention to Rhaya. "And do you, Rhaya Payton, take Ashton Kane to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forth?" 

Rhaya looked into Ashton's eyes and saw nothing but a hardness and an arrogance, with no love for her in them. She was determined to not be trapped in a miserable marriage with him. If Dean wouldn't save her by bursting through the doors and declaring his love, then she would have to save herself. "I....I....," she managed to get out before collapsing to the floor in a puddle of white.

Chaos erupted at the altar, with Keira attempting to assess Rhaya's condition among the ever-growing crowd. Lord Darius broke through and knelt at his daughter's side while bellowing at people to back away and give the bride some room to breathe.

Keira clasped Rhaya's right hand while checking her pulse with the left. She felt an almost imperceptible pressure on her right hand, then noticed a minute twitch in Rhaya's nose. To her relief, Keira realized this was the signal from the bride that it wasn't a true fainting spell.

Nonetheless, she had to get Rhaya somewhere more quiet to reassess the situation. Fortunately, she saw Connor weaving his way through the crowd to offer his assistance, so she called out to him. When he finally reached Keira's position, she told him what had happened. The captain of the guards scooped Rhaya up in his arms and took her back to the room she was in before the ceremony.

***

Carissa was a mixture of emotions as she watched the picture-perfect wedding crumble before her eyes. She was so close to getting what she wanted, and then Rhaya had to go and faint in front of everyone at her own wedding. Appearances meant everything to Carissa, and this certainly didn't help matters any.

Ashton was sure to be embarrassed by her stepdaughter's inability to suck it up long enough to say "I do". Lord Darius, of course, was beside himself, worried about his precious daughter. He rushed after Connor and the others back to the dressing room, where the doctor waited. Carissa moved to follow her husband, but was stopped short by a look that said he preferred she wait for him to return with news.

Maybe it was the stress of Rhaya trying to meet everyone's expectations of her, or her objection to an arranged marriage that caused her to faint. Frankly, Carissa didn't care. All that mattered was that at the end of the day, Rhaya was legally bound to Ashton in holy matrimony. However, the more Carissa thought about it, the more her anger grew at the distinct possibility that some shenanigans were brewing.

Carissa turned just in time to see Lord Ashton stomping over to where she was standing at the back of the church. "What in the hell is going on? One minute she's about to say 'I do', the next minute she's on the floor passed out!! She must be plotting something," he muttered. "For all we know, she could be escaping out of the window of that little room where they're keeping her!"

"Get a grip, Ashton," Carissa hissed. "I agree, her behavior is rather suspicious, but I have given her ample warning of what will happen if she does not follow through. Besides, I have guards stationed at every possible exit. They are under strict orders that if she tries to escape, one of them will see her and not allow her to leave the grounds," she assured him.

Ashton snorted. "Most of those guards have known her since she was a child. Those who haven't will take their cues from the more senior members of the guard," he grumbled. He scanned the crowd to see if Rhaya was somehow trying to blend in with the crowd to then make her escape. Finally, his eyes landed on Lucifer and a few of his men, standing around and taking in the scene. Ashton marched over to the group with a plan forming in his mind.

"Well, well, Lord Ashton, seems you're having some trouble closing this deal," Lucifer smirked.

"If you want to keep that bonus, you'll help me make sure my bride doesn't escape," Ashton seethed.

Lucifer shrugged. "From what I can see, the escape routes are all blocked by the governor's guards," he replied.

"I want people I can....trust, and unfortunately, you with your men are the best candidates. That's who I need to be guarding the exit points, not Lady Rhaya's 'friends'," he snapped.

"Fine," Lucifer muttered, before going over to his men. He relayed Ashton's instructions, but with a few modifications to make sure the deal was upheld.

"Now, I'm going in there to make sure she finishes what was started," Ashton grumbled as he started towards the back room.

Right as Carissa had picked up her skirts to follow him, Lord Darius returned to her side to give an update to his wife and his daughter's almost-husband. "Rhaya's fine, she just got a bit overwhelmed with the magnitude of the day's events. Keira and Darcy are in with her now, getting her calmed down enough to where she can continue with the ceremony."

Carissa looked at her husband in disbelief, as if he'd sprouted another head. "Are you serious? The three of them are plotting something, I'm sure of it, and I'm going to find out what," she declared. She started to head towards the back room, determined to put a stop to whatever mischief was being plotted.

At that moment, the bride reappeared, veil covering her face, ready to begin the ceremony again. Carissa and Ashton made their way back up the aisle, their actions assuring everyone that the wedding would pick up where it left off.

Once she reached the altar, Carissa moved into her designated pew and Ashton took his place in front of the officiant, while Lord Darius escorted the bride. He turned to face the bride before giving her away again to Ashton. When the governor lifted the veil, a collective gasp rippled through the church.

"YOU'RE NOT RHAYA!!" Ashton thundered.

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[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

A Vacation: Dean Winchester x f!Reader (Part 1)

Warnings: little bit of angst, fluff, mutual pining

Words: 3.7k

Synopsis: You want to take a vacation and Dean is going to make it happen...

I tried writing in 2nd pov for the first time so I hope it's good! There will be a part 2 soon I just couldn't put it all into one part bc I hate posting things that are super long on here.

Come back for the next part!

Part 2

Rain hit the windows of the cheap motel you, Sam, and Dean were staying at on your latest hunt. The smell of greasy diner food and beer filled the room but it didn’t bother you. You had gotten used to it over the years of hunting with the Winchester brothers and wouldn’t have it any other way.

You had missed when you went hunting on your own for a few months just to think about things. It had been difficult for you to come to terms with Jack and everything that came with him when he first arrived. During that time you really missed the brothers, mainly Dean, so knowing that nothing had changed in the routine when you got back was comforting.

Now things were better with Jack and you were starting to miss the boy too. You doted on him and everyone knew it. You were just another parent to him and he loved you just as much.

Which made you even more excited about your current fantasies.

You and Sam were sitting at the table looking at your laptops. You were supposed to be researching for this case but your mind had focused on something completely different. 

You were looking at beach rentals. The idea had come to you when you were reminded of how Dean had made the off comment of taking a vacation to a beach somewhere. You weren’t sure if he had meant it seriously or not but it had sparked a nostalgic feeling in you. 

And now you were curious if you could actually pull it off. Judging by the prices, there was no way that you could, but that didn’t stop you from hoping that it could happen.

The image of Team Free Will 2.0 at the beach made you smile. Everyone relaxed on the sand, listening to the waves without a care in the world and not a single monster in sight.

The perfect vacation.

“I’m coming up with nothing. What about you?” Sam sighed and brought you somewhat back to reality. 

“Uh,” You glanced at the beach rentals on your page before you shook your head. “Nothing.”

You heard a groan and glanced at Dean. 

He had been sitting on the edge of one of the beds eating after you took over researching for him. His eyebrows were knitted together and he took a long drink of his beer before he looked at us with disbelief. 

“Does this ghost even exist?” He grumbled. “This thing kills people every year and barely anyone’s talking about it.”

He was starting to get antsy. All three of you had been on the case for three days too many without much progress. He was ready to get this over with so he could spend some actual time with you. 

He had planned on it before you all were roped into this. He had expected you to not go since you had just gotten back, but you were more than happy to join them which he didn’t mind. 

Any time spent with you made it worth it, he just wished it was in a different way.

Dean stood up from the bed when he realized his beer was empty. With a heavy sigh he made his way over to the fridge.

“If you thought ghosts didn’t exist, you wouldn’t talk about them either.” You pointed out but his eyes narrowed.

“Only an idiot wouldn’t believe in ghosts.” He mumbled as he opened the fridge.

You snorted and shook your head before you went back to your laptop. You were pulled back into your search in beach rentals, accidentally tuning out the two brothers as they spoke to each other.

“I mean there has to be something about it here.” Sam pushed his hair out of his face.

“We might have to check some files at the police station, me and Y/n can go?” Dean suggested and expected you to say something.

However you hadn’t because you were busy looking at a beautiful beach house right on the sand. 

His eyebrows knitted together and he shut the fridge with a fresh beer in his hand. He looked over your shoulder and when he saw what you were looking at, he raised an eyebrow and stepped closer.

You never struck him as someone who wanted to rent beach houses.

“Beach rentals?” He wondered out loud. 

Your eyes widened and you saw Sam give you a confused look before you hid your face behind the screen. You sent a quick look to Dean behind you and tried to hide the webpage with your hands.

“Why are you peeking over my shoulder?” You cleared your throat but Dean didn’t answer as he got closer to get a better look. 

“Why are you looking up beach rentals?” He turned your laptop to get a better look before you could protest. “You don’t even like the beach.”

You placed your hands in your lap. 

“I like the beach.” You said matter of factly.

Both of the brothers looked at you incredulously as if you had said something completely absurd. They had known you for years and practically knew everything about you since you were an open book or so they thought.

“Since when?” Dean looked at you and you raised an eyebrow. 

You rolled your eyes.

“Since like four when my parents took me to the beach for the first time.” You explained and their expressions fell for a moment. “I enjoyed going there the times I could.”

“But that was decades ago now, why the sudden interest?” Sam wondered and you shrugged. 

“I don’t know, it just came to my mind when I was thinking about a vacation.”

Dean’s face fell into confusion again. You also didn’t strike him as someone who wanted to go on vacation. Of course, all of you needed breaks from time to time so he wondered why you had gone with them if you really wanted a break.

“If you needed a break, you didn’t have to come with us.” He said and you sighed. 

“I’m fine.” You assured him. “I was actually thinking about if we all went to the beach.”

Dean’s eyes widened slightly and he glanced at Sam. A vacation with all of them? The two of them had done that once but it didn’t last very long before they were called back into hunting. He wasn’t sure if that was a good idea.

Dean could see that Sam wasn’t exactly on board with the idea at the moment. You all had a case you were still working and at the rate you were moving at, who knew how long it would take.

“After this maybe we can find a case near the coast.” Sam suggested but you quickly shook your head.

“No, if we were to go, I’d want it to be a true vacation.” You stated firmly and his lips pressed into a line. “No hunts whatsoever.”

“Well, where would you get the money for it?” Dean looked at you and your face fell.

Though you had gone down this search knowing that it would never happen, having Sam and Dean not as interested hurt a little more than expected. You had hoped that maybe they would be since you all were dealing with a lot on your plate, but the two weren’t exactly ones to want to step away from hunting.

You took back your laptop and shut it before you stood up. You walked over to your bed before you set it on the mattress and then went for your bag. You sifted through your clothes and other items for your fake FBI badge.

Unfortunately your mood had been slightly ruined by their scruintity but now you were back into hunter mode which meant you would be more focused on the case.

“I don’t know.” You said absentmindedly as you searched. “It was just a thought.”

Dean’s face fell and his eyebrows knitted together as he watched you. When he saw the disappointment on your face, he looked at the ground and scratched the back of his neck while a pit formed in his stomach.

He hadn’t meant to put you off the idea but he just couldn’t really wrap his head around it. 

Hunters didn’t take vacations. There was always somebody that needed saving so it was off the table. None of you exactly had the means to make it happen since hunting wasn’t a paid job.

But you looked happy when you were searching through the website so Dean had to fix that.

“Dean?” You called out to him again and pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Huh?” He looked up at you expectantly. 

“If we’re going to the police station you need to change from lumberjack to federal agent.”

His eyes narrowed and you smiled. He didn’t say anything as he chugged the rest of his beer and tossed it in the trash while giving you a look.

~

The police station was quiet as you clicked through the files on the computer with Dean hovering over your shoulder. So far, there was still nothing on the ghost you were looking for even when you looked through the recent victim’s files. 

It didn’t help that the computer was ancient and took nearly fifteen minutes to open one file. 

You rested your chin on your hand while you waited for the next file to open, completely oblivious to Dean who was looking at you instead of the screen. You were slowly becoming more and more grumpy from the slow computer.

It wasn’t how he wanted to spend time alone with you, but at least now he had something else to think about other than the case since it was practically a dead end. With this newfound knowledge, he could get somewhere.

“So when you say the beach, you mean like the whole package?” He asked in a low voice to keep the quiet.

You raised an eyebrow and gave him your full attention. You weren’t sure why he was bringing this up all of the sudden and part of you really didn’t want to talk about it with him again.

“Whole package?” You questioned and he gestured vaguely. 

“You know, sandcastles, big umbrellas, sand in places where it shouldn’t be.” He explained and you couldn’t help but scoff.

“I guess. If you want to put it that way.”

Dean nodded. He watched as you looked back at the screen when the file opened but he didn’t pay any attention to it as more leading questions filled his mind.

“What kind of beach rental?” He continued as he leaned on the desk. 

“I don’t know. Something affordable but big enough for all of us.” You shrugged without looking away from the computer.

The beach wasn’t a concern to you right now. You were starting to get annoyed with how this case was turning out with all of it dead ends and Dean not helping was…well not helping the situation.

“Makes sense.” He mumbled to himself. “We could share rooms too.”

“Yep.” You huffed.

But Dean couldn’t focus on anything else. He wanted your idea to really work even if you both knew it wouldn’t happen. He barely noticed the annoyed look on your face as he leaned closer to you with his hands in his lap.

“What would we do?” He wondered and you placed a hand over your face. “I mean I know we’d hang out on the beach but would you want to do anything else?”

Your eyebrows knitted together as you studied the files. You could see a pattern in the victims now and the more you looked, the more prominent it became. How did you miss this before?

“I’d be up for getting authentic seafood if you want.” Dean continued and you tapped him on the hand. 

“Dean.”

“I’ve never swam in the ocean before so I can try that.”

“Dean-”

“I’ll only get on a boat if I get to drive it-”

“Dean!”

You yelled a little louder than you wanted to which caught the attention of a few officers. You gave them a sheepish smile and a quick wave, trying to make them turn their attention away so you could show Dean then get out of there.

Dean’s ears turned a little red when he realized he had been rambling and ignoring you. He hadn’t meant for that to happen but he wouldn’t admit to you or anyone that he had got caught up in the idea of going to the beach with you.

Once the officers lost interest, you tugged him down closer so he could get a better look at the screen.

“I figured it out.” You said and he studied the screen for a moment. “Call Sam.”

“We’ll continue our conversation later.” He mumbled as he pulled out his phone and rushed out of the station.

You watched him disappear with knitted eyebrows. Why was he so hung up on going to the beach now? The case had been boring up until just a moment ago so there was no reason to continue it. 

You shut down the computer and rushed after him. 

It didn’t matter. Right now, you needed to get to the ghost before he killed another person.

~

Your muscles ached, specifically your back, as you shuffled into the motel room. You didn’t say anything as you flopped face down onto your bed with a long sigh. 

The hunt was over. Finally.

After burning the body and then finding out that the body was not enough, the past however long it took you all to find the attached item had ended up with you a little bruised and tired. The ghost had managed to get a few good hits on all of you but luckily no one had died. 

It was a successful hunt and now you didn’t have to sit staring at a screen for three days straight anymore. You couldn’t wait to be back at the bunker in your nice mattress instead of the crappy motel one.

The Winchesters walked in after you, also a little sore but they were in good spirits. They got the job done and compared to a lot of other ones in the past, it had been pretty easy. 

Now that it was out of the way, Dean found he was a little excited to talk to you about the vacation you wanted again. He was ready to make it happen after having another close encounter with death.

That was until he saw you laying face down on your bed unmoving. At first he thought maybe you had been seriously hurt and he resisted the urge to force you to sit up so he could look you over for any wounds.

“You okay?” Dean wondered as he stared down at you. 

“I’m tired.” Your voice was muffled as you spoke into the pillow. “And sore.”

He let out a silent sigh of relief before he smirked. He always found it cute how quickly you got tired after a hunt. You were an excellent hunter and an excellent sleeper. But that meant your talk would have to wait until the morning.

Unless…

“You want to shower first?” He asked and his smile grew wider when you perked up.

“Please?” You gave him and Sam puppy dog eyes even though you didn’t need to.

They always let you take a shower first unless one of them was absolutely covered in grime or blood.

“Fine with me.” Sam sat down on the edge of his and Dean’s shared bed.

“Thanks!”

They watched as you gathered your bag and rushed to the bathroom. When the door shut, Dean waited until he heard the water turn on before he grabbed your laptop and turned it on.

He had an idea. If he wasn’t going to be able to talk to you about it, why not take it into his own hands. This could be a good opportunity to do something nice for you, as a surprise rather than something completely planned.

You would like that. At least, he hoped you would but he would deal with it if you didn’t.

“What are you doing?” Sam’s wary voice cut through the silence.

“Seeing if that website is still on here.” Dean mumbled as he quickly searched through your history.

“You actually want to go to the beach?”

Dean didn’t say anything as he found the website and quickly searched it up on his phone. When he found the right one, he made sure to close out everything on your laptop and put it back where it had been like he hadn’t touched it. 

He then walked over to the fridge and got a beer while staring at his phone.

There were some reasonably priced rentals on here, but none that were cheap enough with the money you all had combined. That wasn’t a problem anymore though. Dean didn’t mind breaking a few laws to get you the house that you wanted.

“We don’t even know if we like the beach.” Sam pointed out a little loudly and Dean shushed him.

“Can’t find out unless we go and if she wants to, this is our chance.” He argued back without looking up. “C’mon, I was talking about that one time.”

“Yeah, but not this seriously.”

Dean sent him a quick look as he sat on the edge of your bed. He didn’t care if he didn’t like it as much as you did if you were happy and having fun. You had been so excited talking about it that it was only fair to let it be about you, even if you wanted everyone to come along. 

“If you don’t want to go, that's fine.” Dean said and Sam grumbled. 

“I didn’t say that.” He huffed as he tossed his jacket to the floor. “Maybe it should just be you two though, so you can figure your feelings out.”

Dean paused his scrolling and gave Sam a confused look. What did he mean by that? Feelings? What kind of feelings? His stomach flipped and his heart began to beat a little faster as he stared at his brother. 

“What are you talking about?” His eyes narrowed as Sam raised an eyebrow. 

“You can’t be serious.” He shook his head and when Dean shrugged he scoffed. “You love Y/n, Dean!”

Dean’s eyes widened and he immediately felt hot. His stomach flipped a few times and he had to set down his beer before the smell made him nauseous. Then his heart began to beat just a little faster and he looked away from his brother with the shake of his head. 

“That’s…That’s not what’s going on.” He stuttered and cleared his throat. “Y/n is a friend.”

“Right and Jack isn’t a nephilim. You have feelings for her, what’s wrong with that?” Sam rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t have feelings for her!”

Dean had never felt this hot before. He would be angry at his brother if he hadn’t been caught off guard by what he said. 

Sure, he liked to hang out with you a lot more than he did with others and whenever you were upset he always wanted to be the one to make you happier. He liked having your opinion on things and whenever he saw you it made his day just a bit better. And maybe when you laughed he felt queasy and when you hugged him he never wanted to let you go. So what if he got a little jealous when you had talked about other men in the past, he just didn’t like that you would end up spending less time with him.

He couldn’t imagine his life without you in it and whenever he thought of the future you were always there, with him…

Oh. 

Oh no.

Dean’s face fell and he swallowed the thickness in his throat. 

He would do anything for you. Of course he would! He was renting a goddamn beach house for you like it was nothing, like he was a normal person. Christ, he was head over heels for you and he hadn’t even realized he was.

Dean Winchester loved you. 

He cursed under his breath and rubbed his hands over his face. He hadn’t meant for this to happen. He didn’t regret loving you, not at all, but it wasn’t right to have these kinds of feelings for a friend. 

He knew that much.

Did you love him back? That was doubtful and that was the bad part. He was used to unrequited love, to lack of attachment, but this time it really hurt to think that you would never feel the same.

He wished he hadn’t come to this realization right now.

“It’s not a bad thing, Dean.” Sam said after silence but Dean shook his head. “Just tell her you love her.”

“Yeah, well it ain’t that easy.” He huffed and stood up from the bed.

“I get it, but you’ll feel better if you just do it.”

Dean opened his mouth to say something when you stepped out of the shower. He hadn’t even heard you cut off the water but he hoped you hadn’t heard what they had been talking about.

Judging by the content look on your face, you hadn’t.

Which was true. You had been preoccupied with drying yourself off and brushing your teeth, you didn’t notice their muffled voices behind the door. You were so used to being around them that when they spoke to each other, it was the perfect white noise.

“Gotta say, this motel has better showers than most.” You sighed and made your way to your bed.

Sam and Dean were giving each other looks as you walked by. Sam was trying to get him to confess but Dean was giving him a glare for even suggesting that. You were everything to him and he didn’t want that to disappear. He could lose you if he told you how he felt and he needed you. He couldn’t do it.

They stopped when you sat on your bed and looked at them both curiously.

“Did I miss something?” You tilted your head.

Sam opened his mouth to say something but Dean cut him off. 

“I was just heading out to get some food.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and gave you a quick smile. “You want anything?”

It wasn’t strange for Dean to get food out after a hunt and honestly you were grateful he was this time. All the action had made you hungry.

“Same as what you get.” You smiled.

Dean’s heart skipped a beat. He was definitely taking you to the beach no matter what.

[what-if-i-just-did]

(Ok I know I still have like three or four things I SHOULD be working on, but it's Destiel Day so I just had to celebrate)

Taglist: @ldthegreen @violettavirus

Trigger Warnings: Severe grief, self-harm in the form of wrecklessness, cutting, alchoholism and refusal to numb pain, mentions of death wish, mentions of drowning, relapsing, not speaking/eating/performing personal hygiene as result of grief

"You're home."

"Cas.. Cas Cas!!!"

Three years. Three goddamn years.

"Castiel, where are you!!"

The first.. month or so, was the easiest. It shouldn't have been, but he was still numb. He was hopeless, borderline suicidal, but he was numb.

"Cas, You fucking bastard!"

One night, he just broke, and all the memories he'd been repressing flowed back and drowned him. Every single word Cas had said. God, how could he have been that wrong? About.. about everything... That night, Sam found him trying to drown in Jack Daniels. Drunk, and crying, but Sam pushed and he finally got the story.

"Come back here! I need you!!"

Dean spent the better part of the next half year in his room, in a bottle, spiralling. The drinking got worse at first, and then it got less. He didn't get it, because despite rarely drinking anymore, he still felt worse and worse and worse. Then he realised he was just punishing himself by not getting numb, by making himself feel. He stopped drinking. Cas deserved that much.

"You were wrong Cas! You were so goddamn wrong!"

He wasn't eating, or talking, or taking care of himself. He hadn't realised that until he walked past a mirror one day and saw his hair was long and he had a beard. He didn't like it. He cut it himself, and if one accidental nick during shaving developed into a concious habit, then. Well, that was between him and his God, right?

"I fucking need you! I can't do this shit without you!"

Sam tried to help, of course. Tried to get him to eat or talk or stop drinking. Dean barely noticed anymore. He hadn't even realised that he hadn't spoken in a year, hadn't eaten in five days. His mind was mostly blank and foggy, even without the drink. There was a huge sinking, heavy hole in his chest that never left. He was tired all the time, regardless of how much he slept. He didn't keep track of time, barely even knew if it was day or night.

"Cas!!! Come back!"

At some point, cutting and not drinking wasn't punishment enough. He hadn't had a bruise, or a fight, or a broken bone, in one and a half years. He started hunting again, wrecklessly. Sam was worried but he couldn't care. He just wanted it to be over- he'd have killed himself if that wouldn't be the worst betrayal he could possibly do unto Cas.

How could Cas possibly have thought he could do this alone?

"You fucking assbutt, you come back here!"

So he got angry. He got into fights. He got hurt. He yelled, and screamed, and raged, and never said a word about the only thing he was thinking of. He got angry at Cas for leaving, for thinking he wasn't loved, for saying that and then dying, for making Dean live with the weight of those words on his shoulders.

"Don't you fucking get it, you were wrong!!!!"

He got angry untill he couldn't anymore. Until he fell, until he broke again, until he cried again. Until he drank again, cut too deep, locked his door again. Until he just wanted to end it, and couldn't.

"Cas!!!!!"

Until Sam decided, enough was enough. Until he made Dean realise that, Cas was a Winchester. If they wanted him back, they were gonna get him back. So, Dean Winchester had hope again. He had determination. So he ate, and he showered, and he drank water, and he researched. And if he couldn't shake the cutting, then, at least he did it way less and way safer. And if he still barely spoke, then, at least his ASL was making large progress.

"Come back", and his voice breaks.

Sam still went on hunts. Sam was together with Eileen, and now that Sam saw his brother doing better, Sam would leave for longer periods of time. Dean found some real estate websites open on his laptop one day, and he was glad Sammy was finally getting more of the life he deserved. And maybe.. when he got Cas back.. maybe they could have that, too.

"Come. Back!!!!!! Dammit!"

Finally, they found something. Three years. Three goddamn years, and they found something. So they got what they needed, called in some favours, did the spell. Exept, Dean had no idea how to find Cas now that he was in the Empty. So he just started yelling. And yelling, and yelling, and eventually something was going to wake up. And if it wasn't Cas, he could deal with that.

"Cas- !!! Cas!?"

He ran. He ran, and he ran, and it seemed like he was running for days or seconds or hours but then he fell to his knees by his angel's side and the first touches of his finger tips to Castiel's coat and hair felt so electric and a dozen times better than any other sensation he had ever known.

"Dean?" Cas asked, groggily, confused.

Dean gripped his coat, his head, lifted Cas so they were eye-level. "Cas."

"What are you- Wh- How-"

"Cas, shut up" He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Cas's. Breathed in his scent and it was enough to have him on the verge of tears. It was Cas, it was Cas, it was Cas and he was okay and alive, almost, and breathing and here and okay. "You're an idiot. A- You- You just.. it's my turn, okay?" He opened his eyes again, saw Cas nod.

"You fucking dumbass, I love you too." He said, and it was like his heart broke again but this time there was hope, there was promise.

"Dean?"

Dean smiled, exhasperatedly, huffing out a breath, and leaned forwards a little. Not a lot. Just enough to touch their lips.

The way Cas responded, you'd have thought he was receiving something holy, a lost man in the desert finding water. A drowning man finding air. So that's how Dean kissed back- like he needed, he wanted, he loved. Because he did, he did, he did and he had Cas back now.

"We're good, we're good, we're good... we're getting out of here, Cas, we're going home. You're home."

[eisforeidolon]

I don't get why anon is going around to different blogs, and describing what Jensen said as "maniacal"? Like, is it an attempt to rile people up against him (even more so than before)? They were laughing about it, but they laughed at lots of things, not just that, there wasn't anything crazy about that. And, let's be honest, the idea that Jensen would've offered a part in the prequel and Misha would've said no IS pretty laughable, we knew Misha was lying even before this con. There's no way that man would give up this opportunity to pander to his hellers. And not just that, he keeps using Jensen's name, he tried to hype up his dumb show by claiming that Jensen was totally ready to be in it, but was too busy (which, really? Because it sounds like it was a very brief cameo that wouldn't have taken so long, and considering how many projects Jensen was juggling, if he really wanted to do this cameo........ 🤷🏻‍♀️) So, Jensen calling that out is a perfectly rational thing. If hellers don't want their fave getting called out for lying, maybe...... he should stop lying? I just think it's really gross how they make up this picture in their head of him being someone completely obsessed with Misha, and when reality hits them in the face, they go around calling him names.

It definitely comes off as an attempt to shit-stir, using a word like "maniacal" (or rather "manical" as they actually wrote in mine).

I got a follow-up I suspect to be from the same source trying to hint it was just so insensitive of Jensen to joke with Jared about excluding Misha because *sob* prequelgate and trying to read hidden meaning into Jensen saying there was a reason for Castiel not being included. Which, yeah, comes off as trying to stir up bad feeling towards Jensen and salvage what he said into some kind of pro-detestiel hint. Because there aren't a million other possible things Castiel could be busy doing for Jack. Hell, maybe Jack just absorbed Castiel like Amara when he pulled him from The Empty and we'll never have to see Misha again! I mean, if we're just gonna project what we wish Jensen meant into what he said...

But seriously. Misha, who has consistently tried to milk literally every possible drop of attention and money he can get out of Castiel? Especially Castiel appearing in the same scene as Dean? That guy is not turning down an opportunity to try and validate his fans' fantasies Castiel is with Dean in the afterlife. Saying he was asked but totally couldn't make it because he was busy filming validates their fantasies that a) Jensen absolutely wanted Misha there and wants to put Dean and Castiel together as bad as they do and b) he's just soooo busy on GK, you guys! See, Misha really is the lead most important-est character again!!!

Sure Jensen was laughing a lot and likely exaggerating their interaction for humorous effect, but his is the much more believable story. As per usual. Which pisses off the people who desperately want to believe Misha hasn't been caught lying yet again, despite Misha's consistent pattern of self-aggrandizing lies tailored specifically to bait his fans. At least he won't have to come out as straight this time to sort it out.

[wisefoxluminary]

Dean is staring out into the heavenly night, leaning against the impala as his mind is conflicted. He had been fighting for so long. Now that he had died, there was still work to be done. He had to do anything he could to repair the fraught universe, to ensure that nothing can interfere with Sam's happiness. He wanted Sam to live out the life he always wanted. He wanted to do all the work that needed to be done if he wanted to achieve peace with his family. But deep down, one thing was troubling him, a lingering wish that burned bright in his heart. He would give everything to see Castiel again, the angel who had risked everything for him. He had done everything in his willpower to keep Dean safe, he gave up his blind faith to serve Dean in his cause. Dean had changed Cas for the better. He made him feel like he was human, a feeling he had been longing for ever since he first stepped foot on the holy earth. After so many years of sacrifice and kinship, it was the goodbye that hurt the most. Castiel had gave his life to the darkness to save Dean, the man he loved. The words I Love You were forever engraved on his heart. He wished he could turn back the clock and say everything he needed to say, to unearth the buried feelings he had kept under suppression. He needed to see Cas, no matter what trials he had to accomplish to be under the angel's warm embrace again. Now that Cas was in heaven, maybe Dean could repair the pieces that had crumbled that last night on earth, to address what was left unspoken. It happened so fast that Dean couldn't even save him, he just watched as he slipped away into the dark abyss. Everyone he lost, disappeared from him like a flash of light. Now that he was fighting for peace, he could right every wrong in his past. Cas was one of them and he needed to see him again. He had saved his parents, that was one thing on his list checked out. Saying what he needed to say to Cas was the next thing to mark off.

Dean could feel a presence making its way towards him, like the great powers of heaven were keeping his spirit guarded. Jack was behind him.

Jack: Are you alright Dean, you seem troubled?

Jack was the only source of comfort Dean needed right now. He sighs, unwilling to keep his emotions bottled up anymore.

Dean: You once told me there'll be peace when I'm done. I've been this world's beholden anchor for so long. I won't rest until the sun sets on my hunter's legacy. But there's one thing I need to make up for....and that's for never saying a proper goodbye.

Jack watches Dean with a coy smile, reading the feeling of longing on his face. He knows exactly what he's thinking.

Jack: I know how you feel Dean. Cas misses you with all his heart. He tries his best to stay strong, but he can't help but watch over you in heaven's pale light. He did this all for you.

Dean: Watching from a distance is a pain in the ass. Is there a way....I can speak to him? I need to see him Jack.

Jack: Don't worry Dean, I can arrange that. Just hold tight.

Jack's eyes begin to glow a faint blue as Dean watches in astonishment.

Jack: You will feel nothing. My power will take you to where you most desire to be.

Jack puts a hand on Dean's forehead as the world around him is engulfed in heavenly, blinding light. Dean opens his eyes to find himself in a calming abyss, an ancient tapestry of a restored heaven as there was a majestic garden surrounding him. Everything around him was drenched in phosphorescence as it was like he had been transported to the most purest part of heaven. It wasn't what Dean expected but here he was, waiting for his angel to return.

Castiel: Hello Dean...

Dean turns around to see Castiel standing there in the heavenly light, a worn smile on his face. He looked like he never changed. He was still the same man from the night the darkness swallowed him. The same man who fought by his side for countless decades. The man who professed his love in a time of great desperation. Looking at Cas's brown trench coat and blue eyes was like time had stopped, like nothing had gone by for Castiel since he had sacrificed his life that day in the bunker. Dean had changed, he was a different man now that he was dead. But seeing Cas was enough to remind him that his humanity was still within him.

Dean could feel tears prickle at his eyes as he went in to hug Castiel, something he had been longing for ever since he lost him all those years ago.

Dean: I missed you buddy....

Castiel could sense the sadness in Dean's mind, of how he missed him so desperately. It didn’t matter if separation kept them apart, they would always find one another again.

Castiel: I never thought I'd see you again Dean....

Dean: Well life happens, what can I say.

Dean pulls away from Cas's embrace as he admires the heavenly sight before him.

Dean: So you became all high and mighty? I'm loving the place by the way. Suits you.

Castiel, smiling: Ever since Jack rescued me from the empty, I stood by his side as I helped him rebuild the gates of heaven. I bask in the light and watch as I ensure the the universe is perfectly balanced. There are worlds born anew who still need a protector. This world needed an omniscient being to watch over it. Heaven is a station of peace thanks to Jack's power. I have been helping him keep an eye on things. Especially you Dean. I still have great purpose to carry out before my work is done, but I can assure you, I will be at peace once again.

Dean: I'm doing all of this for Sammy. There is still so much work to be done before I can find peace with him. Until the universe is safe from all evil, I'll get my time to rest.

Castiel: You are a strong man Dean, I have hope your love will conquer this great tide of evil. You always feel like you have to keep fighting. You will carry on fighting. That is who you'll always be. You are a man who uses love as his great power.

Dean bows his head down nervously, pondering what to say. This was probably the only chance he had to speak his mind. To tell Cas how he truly felt.

Dean: Cas, there's a reason I'm here...what I wanted to say....what I needed to say....

Castiel: Dean....

Dean: I never got to say goodbye. You are the one thing I need to find forgiveness for and this is my only chance to say it...I love you Cas, I always have.

Castiel stares at him in shock, it wasn't something he expected to hear. He had often dreamed of this moment, he always wondered what Dean would have said if they had gotten one more minute together. There was no barrier keeping them apart any longer. Time wasn't stopping them. This was Dean's chance to say what he felt, to answer Cas's last prayer.

Dean: There's not one moment of the day where I can't stop thinking about you. I wish things were different. I wish I listened to you and held your hand all the way. I should have faced that darkness with you. You saved my life that day, and a part of me....a part of me wishes I went with you. After that, I never stopped loving you. I kept fighting for you. I may be making the afterlife into my own rodeo for Sammy, but you have always been there. I can't find peace unless you're in it. So I love you Cas. I always will. If I have to stay in this moment with you forever, I will do it. So if there's one thing I'm gonna set right here and now, it'll be with you Cas. I'm with you to the very end.

Castiel: I did this all for you, Dean. I couldn't help but feel distracted from my seraphic duties. But there's one person I look to - and that's you Dean. I have watched the noble things you have done. What you did to save your parents. It just shows how much of a good man you truly are. So when my work is done, I will spend every moment I have with you. I will stand by your side until my name is forever written on your heart.

Castiel felt a lump grow in his throat as his wildest dreams were coming to light. Dean loved him unconditionally and this was the only chance he had to tell him. He couldn't fight with his feelings anymore as Castiel and Dean kiss under the divine light. It was warm and tender, the world around them melting away as it was just them and their passionate love. Cas was left stunned as he didn't expect to experience affection quite like this, especially from a Winchester. This was everything Dean had wanted to do for so long, as each kiss healed his worn scars. He caressed the angel's face, trying to remember how his mellow skin felt in his hands. He couldn't believe the land he was walking on. He had found forgiveness and love in Castiel, something he thought was unattainable. Dean had never felt more happy in his life. He and Castiel were more than friends now. They were everything to each other.

They move away from the kiss, the breath taken out of each of them. Castiel rests his forehead against Dean's as he can't believe his luck. Tears shed down his face as his feelings were finally reciprocated.

Castiel: What happens now?

Dean bows his head down lowly, still leaning against Cas's forehead. He tries to find the words.

Dean: I've got work to do. The universe needs saving, and I can't do it alone. I need you Cas, I need a partner.

Castiel placed a hand on Dean's shoulder, looking him in the eye sincerely.

Castiel: Then I will stand with you until the very end.

Dean is grateful to have Cas on his side, to have the angel's love as his shield. He can't help but feel a pull towards Cas's eyes, lost in their winesome fidelity. He holds Cas in his arms, deep down knowing that he'll always have his back.

Dean: One last hunt

Castiel: One last hunt

Dean holds Cas tight in his arms as he is so relieved to have his lost lover at his side again. He found atonement being in the angel's company and now he needed him more than ever. He nestles his head against Cas's shoulder, burying himself into his embrace as he wished he could stay like this with him, to dance among the heavenly light. As the luminousity engulfed them, Dean knew that he would always carry this memory with him. Dean will always have Castiel by his side...

[certifiedwerewolf]

I'm not going to fix Chuck because I honestly have enough on my plate with the characters I'm already fixing, but I do think it's so unfair to the character the way the story playing for so long completely decayed him into what it did. Because Chuck in season five implied that him being hands off was about free will. That he set things into motion the way he did to give the humans a fighting chance, and maybe even to stop events that had already been put into motion that he himself couldn't stop without potentially making them worse. That was the impression I got. Not a great God, but one who was at least on humanity's side.

But then the show just kept going. And so in season 11 they brought him back again and they let him reconcile with Lucifer and they let the ending be hopeful and they made it all about sibling love, and season 11 SHOULD have been the end. Can you imagine it? Most of the storylines were resolved, the main players were all united under one banner, and while they would probably have logically gone their separate ways, maybe they wouldn't have. Maybe the fandom could have imagined an ending where Sam, Dean, and Cas were together, where Crowley was more of an ally than an enemy, maybe where Crowley and Rowena could reconcile, and where Heaven and Hell could maybe be less of a problem than they've been.

And it was a good way to end God's place in the series.

But they still KEPT GOING. And in the end the show disappeared up its own backside and instead of being a pathetic and thoughtless but ultimately okay God, he had to become what he did. And that was the only way the series could end! Because it had gone on for so long and was so wrapped up in its own meta that God turning on them and having to be taken down was the only ending, both in terms of what the story had become AND in terms of the fact that at that point, after taking out God's sister, what is there that's left?

And it just feels... unfair. I actually really like Chuck; even after the everything, I thought he was a lot of fun. A solid two thirds of the villains in Supernatural were not only annoying but they made me feel bad about myself, and Chuck was fun. Rob Benedict really did bring just the right level of moisture to him to make him work as a character. And I just... as much fun as I did genuinely have with the final season (I know, it took me so long to get through that you probably thought I hated it, but I didn't!), I wish they could have left it at season 11. I'd give up ever knowing Jack my friend Jack if it meant letting the series end at a point that would have actually worked for it.

[ihatedean]

we finished ep10 and i neeeed to say some shit.

of course they'd bring missouri back just to kill her. i'm the idiot for believing they'd actually do something fun with her.

i've only had jack for 9 episodes and i would genuinely die for him. not even joking. he's the only good thing to come out of the bunker era. also. mama bear sam??? wow. i don't know how i feel about dean yet- i know he grows fond of jack later, but i don't think i've ever seen him treat anybody like this. at least not people who didn't deserve it... it's weird.

oh god. they did that for me actually. my cringe little girl. he looks soooo dumb and its so so hot. i love the boots. i love it when he cosplays. i love that they had absolutely NO privacy in that motel. wow.

4. i want ketch gone. not in a "ohhh he's so evil i want him gone!" way. it's a "please please erase everything BMOL-related from existence" way. i don't like him, the only thing he brings to the table so far is mentioning rowena. but i genuinely hope he's here just for a few episodes until something kills him.

5.e8.... happened. i guess it was....... different. e9 and... uh. dinosaurs? i HATED the camera movement, though. there's that.

6. what the fuck was up with dean forcing kaia to get in the car. holy fuck. i know we're supposed to believe its because he's doing whatever he can to bring his mother back but.... jesus. he just. wouldn't do that. it was genuinely devastating to see him act like that- it crossed too many lines.

7. holy fuck. holy fuck WAYWARD SISTERS. ugh, so many feelings. we could not shut up while watching. it was sooo much fun and such a cool way to get the girls together!! i love that you can tell they have different dynamics w each other- it feels real. there's a gentleness in claire that she shows to the "new girls" of the gang, cool big-sister vibes that she uses to calm them down, ease them into it. and another one, deeper, reserved just for her sister alex. when alex and claire are talking you can FEEL the years of growing up together. they've said some nasty things to each other, you just know it. and yeah i ship it. but: it does sting that they've been building all these great female characters who are strong and funny and smart and caring, and then proceeded to give them an episode that felt.... ugh, i don't know. i hate the word performative, but i just wish it had been treated with more seriousness? like. give them a scary looking monster, at least. let them look messy. i couldn't stop looking at claire's perfectly curled hair throughout the whole episode. they're beautiful women, i already know that, they would look pretty even if you roughen them up, i promise. it felt like the show kept repeating "wow these women are BAD-ASS, right? right!? they shoot guns!" in a way that they never needed to with jo or ellen or fuck, jody. one look at ellen and i was straightening my back, man. i miss that. i miss characters that didn't need to show their scars to show how bad-ass they are.

Anyways. I hated season 12. But it was something. And it showed the hunter world outside of Sam and Dean, something I missed a lot. With season 13 I can officially say I'm just here to watch Jensen Ackles' mouth moving. That's it. Asmodeus might have been a fun character for a video game. I hate him in this show. I want Mary gone, or at least I want someone to remember who Mary Winchester is and write her as such. Kevin was there for a moment, that was cool. Mark Pellegrino was not paid enough.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s13e14 good intentions (w. meredith glynn)

well that was a little bit of the old spn spark for a second there, with the hallucination/vision/whatever hot!zachariah was giving jack. very sweet and sad. something about the sound design and the dialogue.. of the offscreen voices of sam and dean, it had sort of a... theater feel to it? (watching with headphones and maybe a little bit high so, grain of salt) plus just the very... childlike wish fulfillment of kiddo with absent parents.

DEAN You know what? We made it, though. You, me and the kid. Finally under one roof. SAM And you know what, honestly, it doesn’t matter where he’s been. I’m just glad Jack’s back. DEAN Right, home safe. Where he belongs.

like 💔 i didn't realize they really went with this nuclear family thing straight out

also when the fake fire is happening sam and dean sound about as distressed (maybe more?) as you'll ever hear them in this show and that was distressing even knowing it couldn't be real

ZACHARIAH Yes. And not just a single one-way ticket like the prophet’s spell. This boy, he can open a rift big enough to march an army through. He has so much power. We just… have to make him use it. MICHAEL Then make him.

ok but like. why doesn't michael make his own army of nephilim? he's an archangel still right? what am i missing

i'm sorry donatello but all i can think is

the zachariah!cas sending the images of destroying the environment and wars etc to jack for proof of why humans are bad, reminds me of the fifth element?? i think? leeloo discovering all the bad parts of humanity? and then i think only will save the world? by the power of human love from bruce willis??? lol i've seen that movie a ton but it's been a long ass time

captions staying on for this screenshot 😂

this random fight scene with these random figures from the bible. and donatello being twitchy and obvious as fuck that he's clearly up to something. demon tablet not to be ingested while soulless and under asmodeus's influence?

donatello choking out dean from a distance and laughing like a loon, all righty

so now mary gets the catharsis of hearing from an unbiased source that her demon deal is what ultimately saved the world

bro. there's some bizarro music going on during this fight over donatello being soulless what is HAPPENING. jay gruska, is that you? (of course it is). ugh, if only i wasn't committed to keeping that earlier video clip 😞 (fine it's so goofy i'm adding an mp3 of it) it's tonally a mismatch to the vibe onscreen and is just super random. the horns that come in... lol. anyway.

but we're escalating up to cas whatever, trying to torture it out of him?

SAM Our plan, Dean. The spell, get mom back. Donatello’s soul is gone. That’s not just something you come back from. DEAN You did. SAM Yeah, because you convinced Death to get my soul back from the cage, but Amara ate Donatello’s soul. There’s nothing to get back. It’s gone. CASTIEL And Donatello’s already corrupted. I… perhaps the kindest thing to do would be to end his suffering. SAM What? CASTIEL I don’t like it either. But if Donatello’s life ends, then another prophet comes into being and they can finish the translation. DEAN So what, you just wanna kill him? SAM No! No killing! We just need the spell.

interesting how frantic padalecki is going with this. terrified the Plan is being wrecked yet again

CASTIEL I am going to do something that I promised I would never do to a human being without their permission. I’m gonna strip the spell from your mind. DONATELLO You—you—you—you can’t. I—I’ve absorbed too much power. Y-y-you’ll fry us both! CASTIEL I might. DONATELLO Ardeat intus— CASTIEL I’m sorry, but I’m not going to let you or anyone hurt the people I love. Not again.

well then. cas saving them from the moral quandary again. like killing billie for them

i don't even know what to say about this apocalypse world business with bobby, mary and jack. jack's just. poppin angels, ready to throw down with michael

SAM Well… guess you could say Donatello is alive. CASTIEL You told me not to kill him. DEAN Yeah, but, Cas, you turned him into… he’s brain dead. Machines keeping him breathing. What’s wrong with you? CASTIEL Nothing. SAM Cas— CASTIEL His soul was gone. He was corrupted. He was a danger to himself and to you and to all of humanity. Did you know that he was working with Asmodeus? SAM What? No. CASTIEL Not by choice, but he was. Some people just can’t be saved. DEAN Yeah, but who gets to make that choice? You? What exactly gives you the right? CASTIEL Nothing. I took it. And if I hadn’t acted, we would still be sitting around and talking about what to do next. We would be wasting time. And it’s time we don’t have, Dean. I told you, war is coming. War. And I did what soldiers do. Now we needed the spell to open the rift, and I got it. We need four major ingredients: the grace of an archangel… a fruit from the Tree of Life… the Seal of Solomon… and the blood of “a most holy man.” We find those things, we can bring everybody home. And together, we can beat Lucifer and Michael. This is the only way we win, and this is the only way we survive. It’s like you said, Dean. Whatever it takes.

i mean, surely sam and dean have made these kinds of decisions time and time again. especially when the "whatever it takes" is saving each other. but now cas can take the responsibility/blame for doing the ends justify the means thing

[thegeminisage]

76 for broken road please!!

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]? 

actually, most of what i wanted got into broken road! i'm really happy about that. there were only a few things i didn't quite have room for:

john & mary resolution. i left it pretty ambiguous so everyone could imagine their own ending, because i just couldn't decide what felt right. but it feels like a little bit of a cop-out, you know? ultimately though it was just out of the scope of this fic

and speaking of things out of the scope of this fic...since it's a fix-it fic, i was sad that i couldn't bring back eileen. they fridged her for absolutely NO reason whatsoever and i'm mad about it. like, yes, samwena is great and fun, but i like them equally as friends, and i LOVED sam and eileen...but it would have required SO much more work (and words!) to make it feel earned and this fic is already over the 100k limit

similarly, i would have liked to include pov from mary and sam, and go deeper into their issues with each other. it's a four-person family! john got time with sam, mary, and dean, and dean got time with sam, mary, and john, but by virtue of excluding these two povs they didn't get much meaningful stuff hashed out between themselves. again, this was due to size and scope. it would have been another 50k at least, maybe even another 100k. additionally, the bad guy of this story - michael - doesn't tie into their stories as well as he does with dean & john, so whatever work i did with them would not have had the climax that dean and john had. if anything, there needs to be some kind of roleswap broken road fic where we do the same thing with mary and sam but they're playing whack-a-mole with lucifer instead and eileen is the love interest that survives despite all odds. i'm never going to write it, so this is an open invitation, lol.

believe it or not, there was originally a scene where dean taught jack to play pool. in the original version of this fic, which was gen and not dean/cas (i thought i didn't have room, but after nov 5...), they left the bunker a lot more. (actually, by the end of writing it, i was a little frustrated with how little they seemed to need to leave it for all the melodrama to happen! i wish i could have varied my scenery more.) so, prior to the sex scene in ch3, when dean confides in cas about his complex feelings about john - this originally happened at a bar, or some other place with pool tables - maybe there was a pool table in the bunker, lol. dean would teach jack a few things about pool and talk to him about john. (this ultimately became the conversation they had during the hatchet man movies.) sam, mary, cas, and john would come in, and cas would jerk his head at dean so they could talk semi-privately at the bar or in the corner to tell dean how the mission went. john would move to teach jack how to hold a pool stick, cas would become alarmed, and dean would stop him from interfering. john would play Good Dad and teach jack a couple of tricks without doing anything horrible (i think at this point he either didn't know what jack was or was less bothered by it), and dean and cas would both relax. and then dean would go on to say the same things he said in ch3 about john being good to him, just...without the sex. that all got moved around - due to the urgency of dean's situation, which was necessary to build tension, we didn't have time for as many quiet moments like this. i replaced pool with hatchet man because it was necessary for dean to be restrained, and i love the hatchet man episode, and also because john going "we all do bad things sometimes" was in my opinion unequivocally hilarious. after i decided to do dean/cas after all, i instantly pictured this conversation moving to the car - you absolutely cannot have their first time be anywhere else - and that was that. history and memes were made.

thank you for asking actually!! that was so much more than i realized i still had in my brain, lol. i'm really happy that people still think about broken road so often after the fact, it makes me warm and fuzzy.

[ASK MEME]

[shallowseeker]

Dean's fuzzy dissociation in 14x07 "Unhuman Nature" script

If Dean hated Jack, it would ALL be easier

But it's...fuzzy at the edges, a little warped.

NOTE: Dean's actor tries to move his eyes rapidly back-and-forth when he acts this, like a stress-triggered nystagmus. It's very reminiscent of Cas's second death, with Lucifer. I think it's a body language that has been been a part of Dean's character for a long time.

///

Dean...tries to process.

NOTE: Dean has really been turning up the volume on performing!Dean as he tries to charm his way through the grief and put on a brave face to come to grips with what's happening to Jack.

14x07

///

This should inform how we view Michael's obvious lies in 14x10: Nihilism. There is a tendency to immediately recognize that Michael is lying about Sam being a buden, he is lying about Cas being an obligation, and when it comes to Jack...I'm just saying he's also lying here:

This is ALSO an uncomfortable call-forward to just how much AU!Michael's ambivalence and nihilism has damaged Dean in season 15; he shuts all his emotions down and tries to be like AU!Michael. AU!Michael is, as Nick says in 14x17:

And again, we should be informed by Dark Kaia's take in 14x03: Michael, he hurt you.

///

When Jack's going to die again, that hurts, anger about Mary notwithstanding.

Dean cuts that part away and tries to become the Michael sentiment. For a very long time, Dean has wished to be, perfect, angel-like: "I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."

It's also Jack's worst fear come to life; and it's no coincidence that Dean uses Michael's words as weapons: "Not like Cas. Not like Sam. Not family. (Just a burden.)"

[ruinedsam]

About the anon who disliked the finale. I totally agree with you. I'm a final girl Sam Stan so I'm actually really happy with the concept of him being able to break the cycle of abuse (I think Sam naming is son Dean but still being a good father could be interpreted positively? Like his son has the name and the family naming tradition but none of the pain associated with it. Sam took his past and, without having to forget about it, made something positive).

I just really wish a storyline like breaking that cycle had had more time. It feels a bit like Sam just suddenly gained the ability to move on from dean, when he spent the last 10 seasons losing it. If I think about it too much.

But you fixed that for me by pointing out that it's basically just a pause until they meet again in heaven.

God I'd love to see dean interact with Sam's family once they also get there. It'd be awful

Tbh I don't think any of this was intentional on the writers' part lol. Any sort of care for storytelling went out of the window post s5 and I feel like a majority of the things that were actually good in later seasons were an accident. So I wouldn't trust them to do that kind of storyline any justice and prefer the gap in the story that we can fill ourselves to our own satisfaction. For my part, I always felt like Sam could only move on because he's promised Dean - Sam needs Dean's approval more than anything and giving up after Dean's death would feel like he's failing him (again).

I honestly can't imagine Dean interacting with Sam's family. Saying it would be like two worlds colliding is an unerstatement. Like... they can only exist because Dean is dead. Sam could only love Dean junior unconditionally because Dean was not in his life. We saw that with Jack, Sam couldn't give him unconditional love, that was reserved for Dean alone. It would be such a mindfuck for Sam if they ever met! As for Dean, he might approve of Sam having someone else in theory, but not in practice. He would resent them so much. Like you said, it'd be terrible 💀

[mittensmorgul]

(intentionally ignoring world news for a moment in favor of thinking about my imaginary friends):

So, when Cas said the one thing he wanted was something he knew he couldn't have, what did he mean by that? Did he mean that he knew he couldn't have Dean, because then he'd be happy and the Empty would come? Or did he mean that he didn't think Dean would reciprocate the way Cas wanted? Or was it a bit of both? I know it doesn't necessarily affect the events of the show, but I'm curious what you think. Thanks!

Aah, always a wise move, anon. :'D

(sorry it took so long to reply to you, I have also been ignoring... a lot of things... lol

I think there's a long history of Cas thinking he couldn't have what he wanted. Even back in s6 he expressed his wish that he could stay with the Winchesters while his duty to Heaven (and a bunch of other awful stuff we still didn't know he felt compelled to do at the time, but learned later that just adds so much weight to that line) kept him away from them. Sure, it was a bit less specifically about Dean at that point, but heck, Dean was a big part of it, too.

There was always something he needed to do that prevented him from even considering it a possibility that he could ever get what he wanted. And that's after he even began to realized that there were things he WOULD want, and what that actually meant for him.

Then he finally got to experience humanity for himself, to experience actual ~human desire and feelings~ but other outside forces (that are too complicated for me to go into again here lol...) that prevented him from believing he could have it then... and then his humanity was gone, sacrificed because he felt he had to fight again and would need power to do that. And of course, he felt he couldn't ~want~ those things anymore. He mourned them (I miss you, pb&j, i.e. the human things he'd had fondness for, which yeah, includes Dean, we know that).

Something ALWAYS stood in the way, some other life or death situation always seemed to arise, something else always seemed more urgent or important, so how could he ever let that duty fall away and just allow himself to have what he wanted?

(and I personally will never be convinced that yeah, that was 100% about Dean, but also just a little bit about his own lost humanity... his identity as an angel was about duty and having to be a soldier and I don't think he ever stopped wishing he could lay that all aside, but circumstance never allowed it and then it was just too late)

Once he'd made his deal with the Empty, he'd expected to be snuffed out on the spot, you know? He didn't know what it would be like having to carry on with that knowledge hanging over him, that he could never allow himself to have what he wanted after that point. And he refused to even tell Dean what he'd done, or what the consequences would've been. Sure he told Jack he didn't want to "burden" Sam and Dean with the knowledge, but heck... I think he may have been just a little afraid of how Dean would've reacted, too.

Chuck really did screw him over so much >.>

I 100% think that at the very least, after 15.09, he knew exactly how Dean would've reciprocated, if Cas believed he would've survived long enough to even hear it. But I also think that even if Dean had said something first (like if he'd said what he wanted to when Cas cut him off with "I heard your prayer"), it probably would've made Cas profoundly UNhappy, you know? He wouldn't have been able to tell Dean he felt the same. He couldn't have allowed himself that happiness, and it would've made Dean profoundly unhappy in return. He literally could not have what he wanted, either way.

gah, why did they decide this whole entire show had to be such a fucking tragedy