Exercise & Chronic Illness
I was given some basic exercises to "fix" a problem that exercise won't fix.
They are basic, simple stretching exercises. And I mean b a s i c. The type of things you can do from your bed.
I was doing yoga years before I was diagnosed, I am hypermobile & flexible. But, I agreed, to appease the medical gatekeepers.
By doing them, my physical symptoms are simply worse.
"it's just the exercises, it's normal to feel pain"
My pain is more in line with sporting injuries, it's definitely not 'normal.'
The old, active, healthy version of me, can remember.
My skeleton aches like tooth pain, gnawing, grinding, heavy weights attached to my bones. Lifting my bottled water feels like lifting 20kg.
Leaning forward to grab my medication feels like an elephant on my back, weighing me down, like the gravity in the room just went up.
Every joint is clicking at random, as well as "pops" in other places that feel like a hot knife being shoved in.
My skin is sensitive, brushing my hand over any part of it, feels like the roughest grain of sandpaper, scratching off the top layer. It feels raw, it burns. To look at though, it's just my arm.
The clothes on my back are too much & I resort to the softest blanket I have, to protect me.
It's taken me days to write because the pain has distracted my process. Writing lines at a time is all I can manage for the moment.
Once again, I am reminded that now I am worse than my baseline, I might not come out of this.
Once again I am reminded, that no, exercise is not the answer to my healing.
Once again, I am stuck here, agonising, just waiting for this to fizzle down, so I can return to the baseline I'm used to.
A shell of the person I was before.
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me: i’m totally fine. not physically disabled at all
also me: *fainted twice in the span of an hour and a half yesterday, cannot be barefoot ever bc i have joint flareups if my feet get even slightly too cold, has an elevator pass because walking up stairs makes me short of breath*
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since i hurt my shoulder i actually can't do a real pushup at all anymore, even incline pushups are not easy. i've downgraded all the way to doing wall pushups and i mean i'm not going to failure or anything but i'm only able to do 30 before my form starts to suffer/i start using one shoulder more than the other.
i guess i shouldn't be surprised that everything is that weak considering today was the first time i've dared to even attempt bodyweight rows since then also. i did a few comfortably but i didn't want to push it for obvious reasons.
it's probably overall a good thing because it's forcing me to build a better foundation and strengthen the joints, rather than just destroying my elbows later on
but it's a little alarming lol
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trying my best not to let the chronic pain stop me today. been realizing the limited mobility is making me really depressed. so what if i cant walk 10k steps anymore? i cant even get halfway anymore—but that doesnt mean i cant transfer that energy to other exercises instead!
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