#just because I am rooting for a team rn does not mean i like them or want them to win the cup

[whatever-dude]

Gonna be honest, my life is v stressful and hectic rn, so im probably not going to watch much (if any) of the playoffs, but here’s who im cheering for:

Avs vs. Kraken - Avs

Stars vs. Wild - Wild

VGK vs. Jets - VGK

Oilers vs. Kings - Oilers

Bruins vs. Panthers - Panthers 

Toronto vs. Tampa - Toronto

Canes vs. Islanders - Canes

Devils vs. Rangers - Devils 

[toasterpiastris]

I agree that Oscars drive was amazing, and that was an amazing freaking pass. But Lando really did help him to win. Let’s hypothetically say Lando never made it that far up the field to help out. He held Sergio up by almost a second and a half, That means coming out of the pits, Sergio would be almost a second up the road on Oscar. Therefore when Leclerc pits a lap later, it’s not Oscar fighting Leclerc for the lead, now it’s Checo. So now we either have Sergio in the lead, or Oscar fighting Sergio for second. If Oscar is fighting for second, that gives Charles a chance to scamper off into the distance like he did in the first stint. So while Oscar deserves ALL the credit for his amazing driving, for his pass, for keeping Leclerc behind, he doesn’t even get the chance to do it if not for Lando. That is what being part of a team is all about, and what I think is getting lost in all this stupid Papaya Rules talk. As a fan of both drivers, I want them both to do well and win races. But at times, yes I think one or the other should be asked to do something they don’t want to do, that negatively impacts their race to help the other in order to help the team.

Every team does this, whether it’s Charles helping Carlos in Singapore last year, Fernando helping Lance to get his first win, or Checo helping Max to win the World Championship in 2021. It’s what McLaren have been missing. The ability to work as a team to maximize points. Lando helping Oscar doesn’t take the shine off his win, if anything it just makes it shinier. Shows that the team can work together, and is not as dysfunctional as it’s looked the past month or so. We should celebrate the achievements of both drivers!

100% agree. I think that (and I say this as an Oscar fan) the talks of Oscar being better, or more of a first driver are a bit premature rn. I honestly think they’re close to on equal footing currently, there is no clear “better driver,” at least in the last 10 or so races. Oscar is incredibly talented, he’s learned quickly, and he’s very laid back. But I find there are so many people completely discounting and discrediting Lando right now for reasons that aren’t always all that fair. I’ve seen so much about his mindset and how Oscar’s is better etc. etc. but this is very much so rooted in an anti mental health kind of stand point. Just because someone takes things hard, doesn’t mean they’re incapable. Lando started p15 for fucks sake, and he pulled through with a wonderful job. His defense for Oscar was a very helpful move, and to not acknowledge it is low key stupid. In the post that I’m pretty sure this ask was in response to, I was talking about how Andrea Stella saying that lando deserves 50% of the recognition for the win is kinda bs; honestly it seems like McLaren discredits both their drivers sooo much. As much as I don’t like the discourse about Oscar 2nd driver, lando has much more of a possibility at the championship. Also Oscar’s “2nd driver” thing would probably be much closer to what lando did in the Perez situation, not rolling over in a shit situation(Hungary looking at you lmao). Added to that, like Max said, Oscar isn’t typical 2nd driver material, and the whole idea of if you do it once you’ll never recover is bs in this instance. Oscar and lando both deserve their flowers for Sunday and they should be proud of themselves. People want so badly for another rancid brocedes-esque teammate rivalry, but lando and Oscar are so completely different from any of that. Oscar is way too calm about everything, and just look at Lando’s track record of teammate friendships. All in all, very well put anon, and I am done yapping now.

[imaginespazzi]

Hey bestie, me again! Two asks in one day - who am I?! But I had to get this one out to you after seeing that we may be getting some big WNBA news soon 🤣

Idk if it'll be GSV-related, but either way, it got me thinking about the draft again. Now let's say they follow the Atlanta model i.e. they get the 4th pick and what that could mean.

Ok so i know it's hard to say rn and Azzi's injury history makes it even harder to truly predict where she would go (IF she declared) BUT if she does manage to stay healthy the whole season and has an amazing season - do you see her being a lottery pick next year?

For simplicity's sake, let's just go with how the standings are as of right now and let's say that the lottery teams do end up being LA, Washington, Atlanta (aka Washington), GSV - and the picks are in that order. Imma go ahead and guess that unless Kiki has a drop-off, Paige and Kiki are the locks for #1 and #2. I know a lot of people have Aneesah at #3 - do you think if Azzi has a great season, Washington may opt to take her over Aneesah with that pick and if not, then would GSV pick her at #4? 👀

Lmao sorry I know it's early days and in all likelihood, Azzi will prolly stay another year, but at the same time if there's every chance that GSV could draft her already in next year's draft (like we know Steph gon be cooking sum up behind the scenes 😂), then maybe that's another consideration for her to declare?

Anyway, just thought i'd put this out there cause like I know we all keep joking (and semi-hoping) that GSV will somehow end up with the no 1 pick and advance the PURPLE PAIGE PURPLE agenda but realistically, they prolly won't lol. BUT they could very well still draft Azzi with whatever pick they do end up getting 😌

PS: i think that's like my long ass asks quota reached for the next two weeks, sorry babes 😂

-🙋‍♀️

OMG TWO ASKS IN ONE DAY? Must be my birthday or something cause I always love seeing you here <3

I'm itching to know what it is cause my head's going overboard with idea but i'm really hoping it's something about GSV (like them getting the no.1 pick and getting Paige!) But you know this actually feels like a possibility because why not follow the Atlanta model precedent?

A lot of draft boards have her as a lottery pick without her proving anything this year and even those that don't, have her mid-level, so if she does have a fabulous season, and because this isn't the strongest draft class, I very much could see her potentially being a lottery pick if she lives up to her potential.

I know you said to keep it simple but I do think it's gonna depend on teams. If you're saying Washington specifically? Yeah I could absolutely see them picking Azzi at #3 over Aneesah because need her shooting but if it ends up being, say the Wings? Then a) I would hope not but b) they also would not because I think they need Aneesah more so it does depend on that.

I will say that if GSV gets the #4 pick, and Azzi declares for the draft after an amazing year and is still on the board at #4, I think there's a very high chance that they pick her. She's absolutely a player you can start to build a team around and they'd be lucky to have her.

No one knows how the cards will stack themselves of course but Azzi to GSV is a lot more realistic than Paige to GSV but I'mma root for purple Paige purple till I can't anymore anyways.

[wibble-wobbegong]

Something something tell me about the relationship between sense of duty and self preservation when Mike wants to present himself as El's perfect nice het boyf. I know he's so so aware of this dilemma and may or not be mentally shitting on himself for it but I am very curious on how you think it is playing out otherwise🤔🤔🤔

*cracks my knuckles* it’s been a while but im feeling impassioned about my boy rn. forgive me if this is cruddy

When we’re looking at these two pieces of Mike, it’s important to understand that it’s rather paradoxical. I’ve failed to explain this before, but I think I finally have the words for it.

So, as far as Mike’s sense of duty, we’re all well aware that it’s very intense. When he feels like he must be dutiful or that he owes someone, he does so with a vigor that’s unmatched by any other character. What he decides as deserving of his loyalty, however, is not something that’s always perceived as fair by the audience. Most of us, as far as I have seen, agree that Mike should have been loyal to Lucas and gone to his games, but Mike clearly doesn’t agree with that sentiment. He felt betrayed by Lucas as he joined the basketball team and yearned for popularity rather than him continuing to be a full fledged nerd like Mike.

Lucas was Mike’s rock throughout S3, which is when we saw him following the route of normalcy alongside Lucas. Or attempting to do so. Their mutual feeling of betrayal is rooted in Mike returning to his truer self whilst Lucas does the same– they just happen to desire different things in life. Lucas wants to be treated like everybody else and be able to balance his nerdier side and a more stereotypical life, which we see him attempt to do in S4. Of course, at the end, Lucas comes to understand that popularity and such is not what he expected it to be. That doesn’t mean he didn’t want it, he just has a morality that is stronger than his wants for security.

Mike, on the other hand, doesn’t and never has actually wanted to be normal. It’s been a thing he’s forced himself to be and proceeded to fail miserably in doing so. He isn’t and doesn’t want the popularity and sense of belonging in stereotypical groups, and it’s painted in the argument scene between Mike and Dustin vs Lucas where we witness Mike hanging his head as though he understands Lucas’ wants, which Lucas would hope he would, but he can’t bring himself to prioritize this over his sense of betrayal.

This is all to demonstrate that Mike has carried his personal value of loyalty all the way to S4 from S1, so it’s an immovable trait of his, even as it evolves. However, he still deeply cares about his friends, even if he does feel betrayed. In S1, despite believing El had betrayed him, he didn’t kick her out to the streets. He was clearly upset with her, but not enough to risk putting her in serious danger. With Lucas, he’s upset as well, but we see the guilt clouding him fighting against the anger he feels. The difference between these two situations is that Mike feels as though Lucas chose to leave whereas El didn’t leave. The level of danger is different, sure, but Lucas still risked himself by approaching these people who reflect those who bullied the Party in the past. Mike has changed over time, and his bottled up emotions and inability to let himself truly free has built up and his anger has started to outshine his deeper sense of loyalty.

That being said, we also see Mike’s dedication differ based on how much he believes he owes a person. In El’s case, he owes her a lot. She brought Will home to him and he had promised her a relationship. She has saved them countless times. She’s a superhero. Mike’s devotion to El is much stronger than anybody else as a result. He has prioritized her over everybody else in his life, even the people who make him happier, because he knows El desires this with him. El has given him no reason to feel betrayed for 3 of the 4 seasons, and Mike grew to care about her very quickly. When Mike cares, he cares a lot. He carries intense emotions about basically everything and tends to overreact, which can come out as spurts of anger or sadness, but it can also be seen as pushing himself to do an unnecessary amount for El specifically, in recency.

Here’s where it gets somewhat paradoxical. Mike’s sense of duty is strong, but as a result he’s become unable to express himself with anybody. You’d think that Mike’s duty would become central to Will, and we know that it is as soon as El is gone. It’s made clear in S2. Unlike anybody else, Will has the unique trait of being Mike’s best friend. He’s the only person Mike will allow himself to open up to, and we saw that with his explosions in S3 and his softness in S4, especially in the van. Mike has to protect himself and this identity he upholds when he’s with El so her happiness is maintained, but his dynamic with Will means he’s able to actually express himself and rely on Will– those emotions tend to be negative and sometimes hurtful because all of it gets laid onto Will. All his frustrations and problems are talked through with Will because he’s the only person Mike can trust in such a way.

As a result, we see Mike painted as selfish and a shitty friend to Will. We know Mike is willing to be there for Will when he truly needs it and we know Mike wants to be there, which we see in S2 and S4 (regardless of whether or not he called, he still listened to Will and made amends). S3 is a unique situation of Mike being incredibly stressed and feeling as though he has to isolate himself from this either part of him entirely in order to maintain his persona of El’s boyfriend. This gets taken out on Will as well. A major part of this is that Mike views his entire self as unworthy of being El’s boyfriend, so he attempts to mold himself into the person he believes she deserves, but this means cutting out anything not considered normal. Obviously Will was insisting on doing things the old way of the Party, which he shouldn’t be blamed for whatsoever, but on an even deeper level Will is tied to who Mike truly is as a person and he refuses to change himself, meaning Mike can’t swerve his way around that part of himself so he feels as though he needs to suppress and even abandon Will (somewhat). When Will digs his heels into the ground and tugs on Mike, desperate to bring back the boy he knew, Mike gets pissed off and yells. This is quickly overtaken by his care for Will, which is why he runs after him.

Mike cares about Will, but he was warring with himself over who he thinks he’s supposed to be versus who he actually is. El is representative of his commitment to those he loves, but Will is representative of the freedom of self. Mike has been struggling to balance these two for so long because they’re core parts of who he is. He values his sense of duty in the highest regard but there is nobody who doesn’t want to be themself deep down. Mike has not yet learned to prioritize his sense of self over his sense of duty due to his own belief that he isn’t special or worth loving when he is himself, so he allows himself to be overcome with his duty.

We’ve seen him acknowledge that he recognizes his shitty behavior and wants to be better, but still struggles. Yet, as soon as Will promises him that he is loved for who he is and that he is special and gives him strength in that way, we see him smiling and able to connect with El on a level that isn’t false romance but friendship and love. El clearly prefers this Mike, as we see her smiling and laughing with him when they aren’t forcing themselves into a relationship neither of them are happy in. This is ripped away, however, when Will says, “You’re the heart!” because Mike had truly thought those were Will’s words in the van. He knows El would never say those things, so is heart is crushed with the realization that Will had lied to him: he’s not special, he’s not really the heart, he’s not anything Will described. Mike reverts back to his sense of duty immediately and the pain for both him and El is clear.

Basically, it’s a matter of his inability to prioritize himself and his happiness over his dedication, how he views El as someone he owes and how he views Will as a piece of his happiest and most genuine self, and the fact that he feels as though he must hide his truest self in favor of being the person he thinks El wants, which leads to him pushing Will away and fighting with him despite his desperate want to be himself. He flips around so much because of this push and pull in his head and El and Will not really expressing to him what the want from him. El doesn’t really want a relationship with him, she just thought it would make her normal. Will wants Mike so badly but he can’t tell him that, so he fights for what he thinks Mike’s happiness is. Mike doesn’t communicate what he wants to either of them. All three of them are hot messes.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Ok here's the tea

So like, it's a server of entirely queer Koreans. And like a MONTH ago, there was sort of a fire because someone said smth like "Korean Christians are all inherently bad people," and I was like "Hey maybe we should avoid making broad generalizations about people who are like. In the server with us. You know, to be respectful." And I was real nice about it and all that jazz. Because I'm a real patient person TBH. I have a pretty high tolerance for Bullshittery. Anyway it turned into a whole Thing because there's like two or three people in there who think they're the shit dot net because they learned fun buzzwords from twitter like "strawmanning" and "gaslighting" and "respectability politics." Which is extremely frustrating because it's absolutely impossible to have a reasonable conversation with them because they do not in any way shape or form actually know what these words mean. One person, completely out of the blue, chimed in with "are we not allowed to complain about white people then?" and then two messages later said that I was strawmanning for making a comparison (I said that while Christianity may have roots in white supremacy, that does not make all those who participate in it inherently white supremacist, similarly to how the beauty industry is also rooted in white supremacy but not all those who wear makeup deserve to get shit for it.) Which is insane bc bestie you're the one strawmanning here.

Anyway it eventually died down (after that person wrote a whole big essay about how they're being silenced and tone policed etc etc etc despite not even being the person who made the original comment, only chiming in to add shit to the fire.) But then yesterday someone who I think is new randomly replies to some of these, again, MONTH old comments, which sparks an outburst of shit again. And this happened last time, but like. The "what about complaining about white people" person was like "um well some of us don't have positive relationships with whiteness/christianity" in a real passive aggressive way and I'm like. Seeeeeeething RN. Like sorry I didn't trauma dump in graphic detail like you did but seriously what a dick fucking move to just assume that I looooooove whiteness and Christianity just because I told you to be mindful that there are some people who are Christian in the server. Like I did not even say you can't criticize Christianity. Anyway this bitch is going offfffff about how the server is sooo unsafe for POC and sooo white and this would never happen in a Black/brown led server (which is insane given that like. First off that's kinda racist of u for a lot of reasons but a lot of the mod team is literally brown in addition to the Korean so like.) and it's like girlie if u think it's so awful here why are u still here. Like I've been in servers where the vibe is rancid and I hate the way it's moderated so I simply Don't Stay in those servers??? What's ur fucking problem???

But anyway they're all like "uwu you simply wouldn't understand, I need a space specifically for People Like Me who have faced racism and Christian oppression" and I'm like GIRLIE I would also be part of those spaces so like!!! Ur not gonna be free from me!!!

and likeeeeeeee not to invalidate anyone's trauma here but their trauma they dumped was fairly middle of the road in terms of like, religious trauma so I COULD absolutely win this pissing contest if I also chose to traumadump I just do not want to at all and also morally disagree with doing so so like. I won't. But I am like. Committing acts of violence mentally RN like girlie what the hell fuck is wrong with you.

[lebenspurpur]

what does your favorite slasher say about you? because i am working on other things rn, but i don't want to leave all of you hanging.

These are all just jokes and my personal takes. Don't get offended and don't take them serious.

RZ Michael Myers

daddy issues

he can kill you in a millisecond, and you like that

you're pretty introverted and probably traumatized

you might be masochistic

hands you all know what I mean

fast food is something dear to you, and you probably enjoy candy

Vincent Sinclair

definitely a savior complex

you're introverted and most likely dabble in either art or music

long haired men are a weakness of yours

the trope of the conventional ugly character who's been mistreated their whole life has you in a chokehold

you're either into soft aesthetics like fairy core or pastel goth or into heavier, dark aesthetics like grunge or goth

you prefer relaxed free time activities over adventurous ones

Bo Sinclair

daddy issues to the max

also a savior complex

you're either extroverted or an ambivert

there's a chance that you have at least one sibling

you're either very self-defensive in fights or you don't argue at all

music taste relies on either rock, punk, grunge or metal music

you enjoy 00s MTV shows

Lester Sinclair

you're probably an ambivert or an introvert

fairy core, cottage core or/and goblin core make you very happy

you like to collect things

an animal lover and you probably enjoy the forest

for some reason, I think you'd enjoy road trips

your favorite ice cream flavor might be a fruit

you despise capitalism

Baby Firefly

you like the idea of worshiping a woman's body

you're either super into feminine aesthetics and clothing, or you really enjoy masculine things

you like a partner that can defend you and your relationship

public displays of affection are no problem for you

a little unhinged, but hey aren't we all

you like perfume and jewelry

Otis Driftwood

you use sarcasm and playful banter to communicate with your friends, or you're super sweet, no in between

you've had some strange phases growing up

heavy patriotism is something you despise

politics as a whole is something you kind of despise

you enjoy the smell of petroleum

for whatever reason, I think you're into/were into philosophy

RJ Firefly because I'm generous

you like dogs and the forest

you are also touch starved and really want a hug

you like soft things

chances of a twilight phase (plus points if you were team Jacob)

for some reason, I think you enjoy werewolf and vampire media

Brahms Heelshire

you're probably younger than the average slasher fan

you like dark/light academia

the idea of an educated, sophisticated life makes you happy

your partner should be romantic

you do a lot of things simply for the aesthetic of them

also a twilight phase

you collect fictional crushes religiously

Thomas Brown Hewitt

you're really sweet

you like baking, sewing, crafting or cooking

owning a garden would make you very happy

you're a little shy sometimes

domestic fantasies are your favorite fantasies

you're very loyal, and would go anywhere to protect your loved ones

Jason Vorhees

there's a chance that you might be extroverted

you rooted for the nice, friendly character in teenage romance trios instead of the mysterious, edgy ones

picknicks and hunting trips are sweet date ideas to you

favorite subject was probably either English, PE or arts

you're probably short and/or have a size kink

were you into Wicca, or any other nature-based practice at any point of your life? I feel like you were

Asa Emory

you had a crush on either a priest, a doctor, a teacher, or on all three before

now you're definitely a masochist

you've taken the kink test before, haven't you?

you're older than the average slasher fan

also daddy issues, congratulations

and mmmmaybe religious trauma?

Amanda Young

[michelemoutons]

and at last, the post that maybe three people maximum have been waiting for...

em's comfort retro rally videos: a masterlist!

in a much-needed return to this blog's roots, and as an antidote to all motorsport- and life-related chaos, i now present to you: the first edition of em's favorite retro rally videos!

general disclaimer/info: these videos mainly come from the group B era of the world rally championship (wrc), which generally speaking was in the '80s. i am only human, so expect a lot of bias toward my personal favorites...which will become very apparent as you read this list hehe. also i'm not even gonna pretend to be an expert on this or anything. a lot of these are literally just based on Vibes

table of contents

i. my top 5 rally coverage videos

mainly coverage for television, recorded on VHS and uploaded to YouTube by some truly incredible people

ii. honorable mentions

not rally coverage, but retro rally videos nevertheless

often documentaries, mini-doc features, interviews

for all videos, i have indicated the language (most are in english fyi); if any links fail or videos disappear, send me an ask or DM and i'll remove the culprit/find an alternative link.

and now, onward!

(TW for occasional flash photography in many of the night sequences of the videos, as well as a gif included in this post)

i. my top 5 rally coverage videos

in which my bias toward audi sport, mouton/pons, mikkola, toivonen, and vatanen are put on blast for all to see 🥴 i am not an expert in anything i am just very good at research and a whore for aud—[SNIPED]. for the sake of brevity, i narrowed my favorites down to 5. maybe another time i will share all the rest!

also, a general note about the commentary: sometimes, the commentary around michèle and fabrizia can get... weird. keep in mind, they were the most prominent female team partnership around that time, and the first to nearly clinch a wrc wdc, and to modern ears, the commentators really didn't know how to act around them. personally, it wasn't horrible for me, i just ignored the weirder bits, but i understand if others might find it off-putting. also for the sake of your sanity don't read the comments.

5. Rally of the 1000 Lakes, 1984 | finland

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: vatanen/alén/toivonen (full final results)

comments: this was definitely a rally for most of audi sport's drivers to forget: bar stig blomqvist, who came quite close to the podium finishers with a 4:14:01 to henri toivonen's 4:12:57! both hannu mikkola and michèle mouton had to retire from the race, which may lead you to wonder: why does this rank among my favorites? well, it's always fun to watch group b rally cars sailing through the air against picturesque scenery, and this video also contains an intriguing (at least for me!) look at the scrutineering process, with drivers at their most casual.

owie :( they were fine though!

4. Lombard RAC Rally, 1981 | britain

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: mikkola/vatanen/blomqvist (full final results)

comments: hannu winning by 11 whole minutes even after rolling his car in the middle of the forest is actual legend behavior! anyway this was michèle's first wrc outing in britain, and even though she and fabrizia had to retire, they still did quite well, consistently running high in the leaderboards after the first few stages. and that's considering the fact that michèle had a bad cold for much of the rally and had to ask fabrizia to drive the car to service park for her at one point bc she was so tired. which fabrizia did... with a pencil in her mouth. lot of big names in one video—also, jean todt makes an appearance as a co-driver!

shamelessly poached off of one of my text post edits

3. Marlboro Safari Rally, 1983 | kenya

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: vatanen/mikkola/mouton (full final results)

comments: ok can i just say how stunning the video presentation is?? the opening sequence is just!!! the shots of the wildlife! the sprinting giraffes! wow! anyway the visual of drivers in deck chairs just tickles me for no reason, and michèle please tell me what you ask for at the hairdresser's and also where you got that orange blouse (this is obviously not just specific to this rally, she always eats and leaves no crumbs). this was michèle's first entry and only finish in kenya (and of course it was a podium mwah). it was also her last wrc entry in the A1 quattro, as she switched to the A2 for the rest of her program in the '83 season. also this is one of my favorite podium pictures ever.

lksdjffnnkd there's almost too much to unpack... fabrizia somehow surviving in high waist jeans in a hot car... michèle's do-it-yourself shorts... this podium picture was the subject of a very frantic video chat conversation between myself and a friend at 2am a few months ago

2. Rallye de Portugal, 1982 | portugal

links: short recap (eng) | overall coverage 1, stuck in the middle of two other rallies. timestamps in descrip. (eng) | overall coverage 2, very vibey with cool music (ita... also peep walter röhrl speaking italian)

podium: mouton/eklund/wittmann (full final results)

comments: GOD I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH AAAA! michèle's first podium of '82 being a win? this rally being the one where there's footage of her going shopping with fabrizia afterward? (more on that later) them winning by 13 whole minutes? and that's not even considering THEE most poetic victory ceremony of all time! in fact let me talk about that bc the racing and the win aside, that's why it's so high up on my list! literally poetic cinema! it's night, they're standing on top of the car and floodlit and surrounded by cheering crowds but they may as well be the only ones there in their own little world, laughing at each other and barely even having to look to each other when they're raising their hands—like god! shut up! we get it you're besties 😭

i_just_think_theyre_neat.png

and now... last but certainly never least...

1. Lombard RAC Rally, 1982 | britain

link: overall coverage (eng)

podium: mikkola/mouton/toivonen (full final results)

comments: firstly, if you were to ask me about my dream podium, this would be it. hands down, across all series of motorsport, my comfort podium would be hannu, michèle, and henri in any order. (there's such a cute picture of them from this rally on pinterest, standing in order on a staircase. henri is not looking at the camera because he is laughing at something michèle is saying and it's such a Vibe but i cannot find it wah). the battle for second between michèle and henri ran down to literally the last stage, and their times are separated by seconds, which is just wild to me. the context of this rally deserves another post, which i honestly don’t have the energy to make rn, but just take my word for it that it threatens to destroy me if i think about it too hard! anyway this is just such an awesome rally and i’ve watched this video so many times haha

i love this rally so much that i actually had a character in a story i was writing attend the ceremony captured in this picture as a small child and made it a formative moment in her life. no, there is nothing wrong with me.

ii. honorable mentions

(is it obvious who my faves are? yikes)

'Group B - Avec Michele Mouton' (eng) - taken from a longer feature presentation about group b, a segment specifically about michèle. a friend once described its vibes as ‘a synth wave edit of an 80s anime set in a cyberpunk world about racing’

'1983 Audi Sport National Rally with Michele Mouton' (eng) - in which michèle takes journalist sue baker as a co-driver for a spin in an A1 and a rally win. fun behind-the-scenes video

'Intervista a Fabrizia Pons, la Regina delle Note' 1, 2, 3 (ita) - very thorough interview which is mostly fabrizia telling all sorts of stories, including the very entertaining story of how she found out she was going to be michèle’s co-driver. also what a badass title

'2008 Otago International Classic Rally' (eng) - THE BESTIES REUNITE THE BESTIES REUNITE!!! michèle and fabrizia reunite for a rally that fabrizia convinced michèle to join, they suffer some problems but there are plenty of wholesome bestie moments to be had

'Michele Mouton hurls Group B Audi Quattro up Goodwood hill' (eng) - i mean, self explanatory. the sound of the chirping tires? asmr could never. very short watch if you want a quick pick-me-up

'1990 Louise Aitken-Walker feature' (eng) - a video featuring a female rally driver from scotland and her point-scoring run at the rallye monte -carlo. i am convinced that louise was john finnemore’s inspiration or at least an influence for the character of linda fairbairn. no my hat is not made of tin foil what are you talking about

hannu rocketing around michigan back in 2017 (eng)

hannu flying around goodwood in 2015 (eng)

sometimes i listen to fabrizia's recent onboards (yes, she's still at it!) and this one is one of my favorites, from 2016 (ita)

[misterbitches]

i keep thinking about this and coming to more conclusions like both as an artist and me. 

we always think first about the aggressor and not the victim. so, for example, with history 4 and yong jie what will their relationship look like now given the trauma? if they have no interest in fleshing this dude out and having him just be an annoying clingy little ugly bitch then acknowledge that pain and how it will affect them. it’s so easy for xing si to get over being raped? what about xing si’s relationship with his mother? what about the fracturing this does to the family when there’s an intense violation that was aided and abetted by the mother?

that would be far more fascinating trying to figure out and they could still have them be together if they so desperately need it but they can’t ignore everything. that means the trauma will permeate through every part of your life. it’s hilarious that so many fans say the portrayals are realistic because they are not. these shows do not have the time and many of the writers or producers do not have the care or prowess—or will have to cut things to please the state—to execute this. they expedite the healing process but we are left reeling. 

in film school one of my teachers was always like, “what happens in the world when the film ends?” and this is something to ask. are we approaching it from: a man falls in love with his brother who raped him and the mother encouraged it and the shock and taboo of that or are we approaching it from a man is forced and trapped into a rship and stockholm syndrome and how that plays out. even if they stayed together even so it would give us more reason and understanding and then we see and know the foundation is built on nothing but darkness and may never recover. after this chapter ends  there may be destruction; it’s possible because that’s how it all started.

but after this story ends, in the way it is presented, what will happen? it’s not just entertainment and that doesn’t mean it’s as big of a deal as i think it is even as i write these things. these are just things to keep in mind and things i think the younger viewers absolutely need to see. for themselves like as creative people and enjoying the media they consume and seeing what works and what doesn’t especially when a work serves a purpose. nothing is made for no reason so don’t expect it to be. to me i’m like: why was this made and what could have been better? 

there is NO improvement which is why we run around in the same circles. the way to untangle that is being clear about the message and its faults. the audience can’t be clear about it if the show isn’t doing its job for a team of professional fucking writers trying to entice people by poorly approaching topics and leaving them empty handed. life is not as hollow as these things make it and yet we eat it up hook line and fucking sinker. 

time and time again we see what these things must establish and how far they can push themselves. it isn’t until the material world gets better that we see a turn in the media but time isn’t linear. sometimes things are worse in years, sometimes things are better. these tropes last because they are a direct reflection of life and the failures in society. so of course it’s about the perpetrator and how they can get their prize but not how we can manage these things when there is a clear victim and we pretend like it isnt there under some sense of potential reform. 1. people do not need to be reformed in a story and that isn’t what this needs 2. is that compelling? 3. yes morally grey things exist but this is not morally grey when it is a violation adn that person’s action was not morally grey. there was a victim and he neeeds to be away from that victim. if he is going to stay we need to see the affects of him being there as real things and there is nothing realistic about that. in no fucking world would someone like xing si a grown adult fucking man be able to temper things that quickly as in the show. NONE. that shit lasts forever but we are supposed to see them kiss and be liek “aw wow morally grey” like what about him is morally grey in relation to xing si? specifically. whihc is the personhe will be with forever.

no it’s how do we get ourselves to see him and engage with him. you can engage with him or be enraptured sure but that doesn’t mean anything and it doesn’t mean the writers are even doing anything with it! i’m glad eveyrone can garner there own idk ideas or get what they want out of a work but what about the victims? what about the relationships? what happens when the story ends? what are dinners like? cos their lives don’t stop when it’s not being recorded (as in these worlds we are shown are always going to exist so they continue on even without us seeing it. so the characters don’t have a stop point we just usually see their happy ending and many times with shitty relationships it’s like why are we here now?) at this point it’s comical and it’s boring. 

there’s a film i like with cameron diaz where she falls in love with someone who kidnapped her for a job. there’s no perosnal connection which really helps as well. he did it for a job, doesn’t know her, they fall in love. they get together at the end. that still affects her but it’s also way less psychological trauma then somoene stalking and grooming you and violating you and trapping you by direct action and constant manipulation. there’s no way to turn that around and it’s even worse when you try to with literally no other explanations. like who are these fucking characters and why should we even want them to continue to be here? yong jie could have even been a vehicle to help xing si like idk unpack everything in his brain in a helpful way even through his violation. they chose none of that lmao i could write a better fucking script and im a moron

why should we believe in their love? why should we believe in yong jie? why should we believe in any of these people when they don’t prove shit to us. they just exist. why is that interesting? why do we root for them? that’s certainly not something they even asked themselves cause they sure as shit don’t know. the writing here cannot make up its mind on its own morality and i think the idea of morally grey only works if you have a fucking idea of what you want to do not just throwing shit at a wall. and we feel something for these “morally grey” characters—frankly this term is also a mistake because it’s so much about good/bad and ignores history and peoples lives and what leads to events and it is a super WASP-y concept in its current iteration anyway with a belief that punity is justice when it is not. that is why i say get the fuck away from this dude instead of going to jail. we could see yong jie grow but FUCKING OUTSIDE OF XING SI.

aey from lovely writer is one where im like wow i feel so bad 4 u i think ur gonna like kill urself someone get this messy ass bitch some help. people hate this kid and they totally can! i feel bad for him! dont love him and maybe i wont even want the best for him but rn im like “omg i dont want u 2 die sir.”

i dont feel that way in many other shows. i feel fucking nothing for these men. not yong jie and not even the old guy from modc im just like ok you exist and i’m going to ignore you. there is nothing in my chest lmao. i look at them and feel cold, couldnt be drier, cos it’s stale and boring and trite and nothing new at all. it’s not realisitc and it’s not even entertaining. it’s just...there. 

i mean it’s there with the reminder of “oh man i am not interested in your love story also isn’t your boyfriend like 40 and you’re 17? why do you like each other again? does this kid have parents? Wait, what’s happening? uhhhh am i supposed to like this? where are his parents? what’s gonna happen when he turns 23 and realizes how fucked up that shit is? can we see that?” and before u know it the sex on screen is over so that was just unpleasant all around.

and i cannot give u a single reason for so many couples why they like each other. like literally what on earth is there for the two of these people to be attracted to. at least one is being swayed by power but what’s the other one doing? oh nothing he just sucks? ok got it.

if we don’t approach it from a “how do we get people to like a shitty person or a person who does things that harms others” it continues on like this. questioning questioning questioning the comfortableness and never thinking about what the fuck the victim can do, what the fuck is even going on in their heads. and if they can’t do that then we go back to the question: what is the purpose of it? if the answr is “just because” then you have a failure on your hands and a lot of annoyed people. sorry not sorry 

[waitingforminjae]

TaeminLive anon, p1: I can't help but feel like my words in my two last asks were kinda harsh towards TM, but it was so difficult to write without it getting too long. I think you're right that this is really hard to discuss when we don't have the full picture and don't know TM personally. I think the overall point I was trying to make in the last ask, was that I have a really hard time differentiating between TM's own actions and SM's orders. Did he himself think "Im going to do a live everyday

pt. 2-3: from now on so that my fans stop being mad that I'm going to Japan on tour" or did SM tell him to? It could be that, aside from giving some distraction from his own thoughts, Instalives also give him a false sense of control? But I do think there's some truth to your theory that TM does insta this much in order to fill in Key's spot. I just don't know whose idea it was, Taemin's or SM's. I guess my theory is that Taemin is being burdened with carrying SHINee's name on his own and that the pressure forces him to act sweet and rational 24/7 in order to always keep abusive Shawols happy, and I'm afraid that he's unable to set the boundaries he needs in order to stay happy and healthy. Sigh. :(

I don’t think you sounded harsh! I just don’t want people to think I’M coming from a mean place when I say certain things, is all!

I think it’s always hard to tell what’s the company and what’s the group’s idea in kpop, but I think it’s especially hard with SHINee bc their entire brand is built around their honesty. Taemin is incredibly good at “faking” sincerity, and so it’s hard to know when he’s “faking” and not. That’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s what makes him (and SHINee) seem ~elevated~ above other groups--they always seem sincere. It’s an incredible gift.

But I don’t know whose idea the instalives were. I tend to believe that SM doesn’t so much give their artists incredibly detailed instructions or role sheets or scripts, but instead relies on their common sense and training to get through PR/Promo things, just like I think that they don’t force the relationships between their artists, but rather capitalize on the ones that exist naturally (i.e. Taemin and Kai being best friends). So, I think it’s possible that SM might have said, “Hey, use this to interact “personally” with your fans”. Obviously it’s going to be monitored, and I bet on that particular day they asked him to go live to appease the Korean fans. Taemin has also been doing this forever now. He can survive without to much control. They trust him. So even though he probably has to clear it with his managers first, they’re likely his idea. But maybe not. It’s impossible to know, unfortunately.

“Could it be that...Instalives give him a false sense of control?” I really hadn’t thought of that before!!! I’m still thinking through this idea in relation to Taemin specifically, but I think in general that is an extremely valid take on why people do lives!! Social media is all about your control over your own self and image, after all.

Taemin isn’t someone I had thought of as having control issues. The question I would ask is, if the lives are rooted in control, then what, exactly, is he trying to control? I’m not sure. I honestly can’t quite see it, but I do know that when I read that sentence my instincts went “YES!!!!!” Which means that I think you might be on to something, but I can’t quite get the pieces together in my head yet. But I do think it would be hard to have a controlling personality and be a kpop idol without straight up having a breakdown, because you can’t really be in control. But at the same time, going live could give you a sense of control bc there’s nothing the company can do in a live moment. So, I don’t know.

(An aside, but I think out of everyone in SHINee, Jonghyun and Key are most likely to have like, legitimate control issues. But that could just be because they seem to have very particular personalities.)

(I have to preface this next bit by saying that, basically, in my opinion there is no such thing as “ethical consumption” of media, and also that I straight up despise both Hollywood and the Korean Entertainment system. So I am biased on this, just like everything else I say!)

In my opinion, kpop itself is built around relationships with boundaries that are fundamentally unhealthy. As long as Taemin is a kpop artist, he is practically incapable of establishing truly healthy boundaries. And, honestly, the extreme cynic in me wants to argue that he’s incapable of it bc he’s been groomed by SM from such a young age. But I try not to let that part of me win ever, so. I’m going to chose to not believe that.

The thing abt Taemin’s instalives, that I literally was just able to put words to now, is that they kind of remind me of how my roommate interacts with her parents. We’re both going to college 12 hours away from home, so we’re really only home for the major holidays. But her parent’s call her randomly all the time, have some ten-minute random casual conversation, and then hang up. Taemin’s lives have a similar energy. It’s like a friend face-timing you. But he is not our friend. I saw somewhere on Twitter yesterday where someone said, like, “kpop is centered around the idol as the product, more so than the music they make”. I think that’s true. A really brutal reading of Taemin’s lives would be that they’re really just another way of him and his team marketing him.

(As another aside, SHINee’s awareness of themselves as a product is extremely fascinating, and one of my favorite things about them. Key, especially. But that’s another conversation lol)

But mostly I think it does boil down to Taemin having to adjust the way he interacts with fans bc he is the only active member rn. There’s no one else to save him from any holes he might dig himself into, or to take up the space. And I think that’s really what it’s all about.

[saiangelo999]

2020 T.V Show Tracker

T.V. Shows

The Witcher 

Started 2019 finished 2020. Click here for my thoughts.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Completed - I really enjoyed the episode with Pimento, that episode was just hilarious. I think that was one of my favourite episodes this season.

Self Made

It was very a enjoyable mini-series. Sarah's story is so fascinating and inspirational precisely because of how many hardships she had to deal with throughout her life. I enjoyed the show and learning more about Madam CJ Walker.

Interior Design Masters

This was a really fun show. I didn’t agree with everything that the judges said, but I definitely had fun watching the contestants renovate commercial and residential places. My favourite episode was when they worked on the stores (not restaurants). I really loved those transformations.

The Big Flower Fight

It was such a fun show! I really enjoyed watching how the contestants used plants to create beautiful and interesting topiaries/sculptures. I loved most of the contestants and was always looking forward to their take on each challenge!

Space Force

It was a fun show! Enjoyed watching it with my sister.  :)

Hannibal

Re-visiting this show from the one or two episodes I watched back when I was in grade 12 and one of my teachers was promoting this show because her friend was an extra in it. But, I really am intrigued by the concept, the way the show is filmed is just so gorgeous for such a gory show and the plot is very fascinating. Anytime Hannibal feeds anyone I get a bit antsy. But Will Graham is just such an interesting character. I have high expectations of the show!

Update: Finished s1 and LOVED it! As I was binging s2 I started to get nightmares and also the plot started to move forward at a snail’s pace (imo) so I will put this show on hold for now.

The Umbrella Academy s2

So I really enjoyed this season of Umbrella Academy because I got to see more of Five kicking ass as a teenager, the character growth of BOTH Diego and Luther, seeing the entire family getting closer to Vanya and the general action sequences of the show. I enjoyed the new characters as well - Lila and The Swedes. I admit my memory of season 1 of this show is somewhat vague, but I found that the ending of the season (its climax to be precise in episode 10) to be somewhat lackluster considering the build-up. 

I really enjoyed was seeing Klaus, Allison and Vanya deal with their respective subplots and that scene in the barbershop with the three of them bonding really was a highlight of the season. Also when (spoiler alert) Ben finally ‘died’ and went to the afterlife that scene was so well executed and emotional and has got to be one of my favorite moments of the season. It was nice to see him helping Vanya out.

The Haunting of Bly Manor

I loved this show! I grew to love these characters so much! I loved Hannah and Owen’s relationship so much.

The Haunting of Hill House

So, I read the book first and wanted to see what the hype was all about. I really enjoyed the little easter eggs to the book in the show, and that ONE SCENE with the ‘Bent-Neck lady’ gave me a nightmare... It was good, definitely an interesting take on the story.

Anime

The Disastrous Life of Saiki: Reawakened

I love how the show constantly shows us that Saiki will tolerate anyone for the sweet sweet coffee jelly. I need more of this show!! Please give me more episodes @Netflix.

Haikyuu!

I love it. I understand the hype now. I really enjoy how they show the lives of all the people in the show, the ‘extras’ on the team, the opponents and give us a glimpse into their lives and their stories. I finished season two and am looking forward to more! It’s honestly so hard to be rooting for just one person in this show and I love that.  Finished 2 seasons so far. Will get back into it eventually. I’m honestly jealous that I can’t play volleyball rn.

Mob Psycho 100

This will probably take me a while to finish as I am planning to read it before watching it. It’s so so lovable. I love Mob and I would do anything to protect him. Also I really like Regen’s protectiveness and genuineness towards Shigeo. It’s just a great manga/anime. Finished season one. It is so addicting! I love Mob and Reigen so much! <3

Update: finished season two. Man watching this show makes my heart grow 5 x as big every time I watch it! It’s just so endearing, fun, comedic. I love how season two really just show’s Shigeo’s growth throughout the season. His speech to Shirazawa at the last episode and how it came full circle - loved it! I also was surprised by the red headed son (Ryu?) in the best way. I hope we see more of him in the next season. Can’t wait for more!

Fruits Basket season 2

Can’t wait for more crying. 🙃 I am really looking forward to seeing Yuki’s character development and his relationship with Machi and Kakeru developing. Also looking forward to seeing Momiji growing and more moments between Kyo and Tohru.

Update: Love seeing Yuki’s arc in the anime format. Seeing him reach out to his brother, Hatsuharu and the student council peeps and grow is so rewarding to watch. Looking forward to more and more Kyorhu. One wish is that, I wish with this season we could see Momiiji change physically a bit more but I’m holding onto hope for that near the end of the season. 

March Comes in like a Lion/ 3-gatsu no Lion

It’s not my usual type of anime to watch as it is so slice-of-life, but in a weird way it really reminds me of My Roommate is a Cat except after I watch it I want to play chess or learn shogi. Of course, Rei has depression and a lot of issues he needs to work with, but the sisters are just so sweet and the moments that they show up to take care of him are so heartwarming. I love his self-proclaimed ‘best’ friend and rival - Nikaidou. I just really love how he’s drawn, his personality and when he shows up in the show it definitely perks me up. I really enjoy seeing him develop as a character and as a person. I am somewhat sympathetic to the plight of his foster sister but where I am in the show (finished s1) I absolutely loathe her. I really like seeing  how many people are around Rei and watching him tackle life and grow. Looking forward to watching s2!

The animation is very interesting. One thing that I am not sure if it is deliberate or not is how the characters’ facial expressions (mostly the way the mouth is in close-ups) are drawn to me seems very ambiguous to me - I can’t quite understand what emotion is being conveyed.

Update: Started s2 and man the bullying storyline with Hina is so sad.

Teasing Master Takagi-san

DNF. Just started it randomly. It’s very cute.

The Great Pretender

I started it cuz it was short and seemed like fun. It has darker undertones than I expected going into it. On the Singapore storyline.

Wotaku

This was very short and binge-able. I liked it, it’s fun for what it is.

Dramas

Never Twice

So idk if I’ll actually keep up with this as it is a guilty pleasure atm. I just started it because I liked some of the tropes that the show had (found family, sweet male lead, baby being doted on etc.). I am enjoying the gifs of the show. The plot is very... boring and I do recognize that for the most part the female characters don’t have much intrinsic motivation or identity outside male characters... 

05.2020 Update: DNF. 

Crash Landing on You

I am really enjoying it so far. I really like that both the female leads are just very powerful and interesting on their own. Really like how the found family trope is being used. The romance is cute (a bit much at times imo). I still can’t get over how Captain Ri heard her suicide tape and just went ‘oh we are fated to be together’. That was... an interesting interpretation of the tape...

Also the whole thing with her being in N. Korea is hilarious and really the drama asks the viewer to really suspend disbelief to enjoy the show but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Update: Completed. Enjoyed it overall. Wasn’t the best drama I’ve ever seen but REALLY loved the female leads in the show. Seo Dan and her family are just SO adorable. Can’t believe Gu Suengjoon was killed just as his relationship with Dan became so cute. One qualm is that this show does the whole near death thing WAY too many times with the main couple for my taste. 

365: Repeat the Year

Interesting premise and it has Nam Jihyun who I love. Looking forward to more and hoping it will keep my attention. I can’t believe that by episode 10 that the serial killer was revealed. I mean, I’m still invested in the show but that definitely caught me off-guard.

Finished it! I am really glad that they reduced the total amount of episodes because I felt that the ending was well done - not too rushed, not too out there (for the show). It was a very good ending for the show! I recommend it to anyone interested in a sci-fi/thriller. Overall, it was a fun time! Very engaging and would appeal to anyone interested in thrillers. I do have ONE gripe about the show which is a spoiler but it did not prevent me from enjoying the show. 

Love with Flaws/ People with Flaws

Finished! I started it cuz of a random compilation I saw on Youtube with the show and the gifs of it here and there and it’s decent overall. I would say that out of the many kdramas I’ve seen in this genre, it does stand slightly apart from the rest because of how each character is portrayed. I feel like there were no overt archetypes for the characters and I especially liked how they portrayed characters relationships. I liked how the siblings’ relationships were portrayed, and I really ended up loving the female lead’s eldest brother. He’s just so sweet and kind and I love how he does his best to take care of their entire family. It was definitely sad to see at points knowing that Cha In Ha committed suicide, but his character in the show was just so well done and important! Also his boyfriend is literally so pure I love him. As usual Seulgi just makes me go  😍😍.   

Nobody Knows 2020

It’s really good - very dark and bizarre. The shady foundation’s motivations are a mystery to me, but that hotel owner is a very interesting character. I will get back to it when I can handle more pain.

Update few months later: The twists and the turns though. Wow. I love all the children and how (so far) they are all portrayed as victims of circumstance. They are so sweet and I appreciate how Eun Ho, Dong Ryong and Min Sung’s relationships progress throughout the show. I’m also enjoying the character development of Sun Woo (the teacher/heir to the foundation). It’s also nice to see Cha Young-Jin begin to slowly open up. I’m enjoying the show a lot so far and am very intrigued by Baek Sang Ho’s group.

Final update: FINISHED it! Really loved this drama a lot. I love how all the characters are written so lovingly with so much depth to them. I liked the way the plot unraveled, I liked how all the relationships developed in the story, I loved the way forgiveness and morality were discussed. It was a really good drama and I am missing it already!

Chicago Typewriter

A re-watch. Man I love this drama. The three leads and their relationship is just adorable. 

I hope that in Shin Yul’s world/afterlife or whatever they can be happy together. <3 

Oh My Baby

I started this out because I was extremely bored and saw a few gifs of the show. It seems promising. Don’t have super high expectations of the show tbh. I do like the main couple though! They are adorable, nervously awaiting how it will conclude.

Update: Skipped a couple of episodes (4?) and went to the end. It ended up alright, very open ending and somewhat realistic. I’m glad the main characters were able to put their relationship above their disappointment in being infertile.

Strangers from Hell/ Hell is Other People

I really enjoyed it!! - If I were to recommend it to anyone I would recommend they go into it as blind as possible to enjoy it to the fullest.

So... I had no clue that this show was ONLY 10 episodes long, so imagine my surprise as the events that have been put to play begin to climax, I checked and was surprised that it wasn’t a 16 episode drama. Anyways, this drama had superb writing, directing, acting and fight scene choreography. Everything came together to really make this show have such a dark, creepy atmosphere that intensified as the episodes went on. I loved how the show portrayed how Yoon Joon Yoo/O’s mentality was tested to the breaking point. Tbh I thought he was slow in the beginning of the show (episode 1-2), but turned out that he did far better than his counterparts. I think that one thing that was a shame was they didn’t really show the strength of his relationship w his girlfriend too much before, and had they had more screen time as a couple I would have been even more invested in the story. 

Mystic Pop-up Bar

Loved it! This was a really enjoyable show. The pacing was good, the story was interesting and I liked watching the characters relationships develop. It was heartwarming and a fun watch! I enjoyed the focus on various people’s stories showcasing all sorts of relationships. 

It’s Okay Not to be Okay/ Psycho But It’s Okay

Put it on hold for now - watched up until episode 10-12ish.

Flower of Evil

The best kdrama of 2020 so far? Possibly.  Love how it mixes being a thriller with the marital relationship aspect. One potential con is that it seems that the mystery aspect of the show for now seems fairly obvious but how the situations will be handled keeps me on the edge of my seat!! Also I totally did not expect such a strong marriage to be shown in a thriller drama! Also the way that Cha Ji Won is written is just chef’s kiss. I love how complex she is, how intelligent, kind, caring and so so good at putting things together. I love Hyun So’s family and I hope it ends with them staying together.

Update: Finished it! Not sure how I feel about the very last episode... but I can say I’m glad that Do Hae Su got some crumbs in terms of character development by the end. So glad she didn’t end up with Moo Jin and started a new life abroad. The amnesia plot was unnecessary imo, I would have rather seen more cute scenes of them together than angst in the last episode. But, it was interesting to see how the trial was revealed, and the Baek’s got way better than they deserved which is unfortunately realistic.

Lie after Lie

Plot sounded way more interesting in the synopsis vs the execution. Mediocre plot which I thought was easy to see through.

Eighteen Again

sort of dnf? I made it to epi 14 or so and just finished it in my head and through gifs. It had so much potential which I think it squandered... but there were some genuinely heart warming scenes from the show which I really enjoyed. (Siwoo and his dad bonding, all the scenes showing the mc as the nicest dude).

I don’t want to be friends with you

I really enjoyed the show. I liked how it portrayed the mother-daughter relationship, the differences in how they were raised and how Li Jing Bu was able to get the love she so craved through her dream?/journey. I liked how the romance was handled, how she gained such meaningful relationships during the show and how important it was to her that her mom was happy.

The Good Detective (2020)

I really enjoyed this show! It was really cool to see a show that critiques the corrupt systems they have in place and the unexpected consequences that it can have on people. I liked how it touched on themes of guilt, remorse, forgiveness and resilience. Also, it was interesting to see a guy who has all the money in the world choose to be a workaholic detective.

Part 2

[splitsofseconds]

Easy.

Nothing makes ever since in this world. Who are we as an existence? We are nothing but an easing fleeting sense of ethereal energy that binds us together where consciousness is experienced differently through each version -- even if that means suffering. The heartache and the deliberate fear of failure, the losses of beautiful souls, the kisses of sparkly nights that you cannot forget and then never ever get to taste again. But also suffering from absolute inequality, and systematic poverty and class systems that will keep people where they are. because it's easier - easier for now. But we will evolve as a consciousness, this means we're just not there yet. its not a justification by no means. But it would certainly reduce the white saviour complex that most of all- at least especially i- feel. It takes away my guilt to lead a life I have reason to value. And next time, I see suffering taking place in any other human shape or form, it simply means that this is currently the consciousness that is taking place. like i feel right now. without anything in the back. Just this moment-where I am in my cosy flat in ams, and I hear cheerful laughters somewhere in the dim back. My flatmate is dosing off on the couch diagonal to me, and I am writing this blog post. sunday 10 juli 2022. 025113 what a beautiful moment to exist. i can also smell the seductive scent of the cracks coming out of a fireplace. the scent of nostalgia- back to when i was six and i was in moldova on the 'beaches' by the river Dnestr and towards sunset we would have shashliki. life was still good. i want this memory to keep me humble and grounded. stick to my roots. not check in with my team and overtake their spirit. i am my own identity, my own warrior, my own survivor. i do not need an individual to hold me accountable for my worth based on my performance. because this is how i feel in general. i just feel absolutely insecure towards another man that is equally or more successful than me (or to say the least what i define as successful) pointing that out with women i acknowledge the competition more directly. it is more directly perceived. but i feel like i can almost seduce myself into controlling them and by that i need to be successful. so in a sense i need control to feel successful by manipulating others into finding me attractive??? woah je ne sais pas. but yeah with hbg i think that i need to be of an equal opponent for him to even consider me. and yes that right now hurts. and it does feel very important. but the truth is that this person will not mean anything to me outside the scope of wanting validation from an attractive person both in and out that i KNOW is perceived attractedness descended from social proof. where i know theres a consensus. i need validation from that consenus to not feel ostracised. i wish id be able to document this typing with my eyes. because its so trippy and fun right now. and i wish youd be here as well with me. #

anyways acknowledging that this is in my mind while i type this and i come back to this reality. my life is good. and i give thanks to everything that has come across to have made my life this worthwhile. i know that i am my biggest contributor and i really want to dedicate this sole focus onto you. you are my stardom babe and i wish youd see this yourself more often. but you girl will go far - and you will stay humble for humility is always something that is required to manage bpd. i am peoud of you. even if you dont want to feel it rn.

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[r-o-se]

ALMOST 101 thought-comments on ep 3 of Produce 101 S2

1.      They are showing the kids journals and practice things. I feel so so sorry for people who have trained for like…. 5 yrs and still cant debut its fucking DEPRESSING

2.      Everyone are talking about how they wanna get to A and nowwwwww they’re revealing the new grades I’m gonna be SAD

3.      Bunch of good kids downgraded to F including Ren and Guanlin and Jinyoung poor boy cant look up from the ground I am REAL SAD BOI

4.      ENTIRE YUEHUA FAM IS D RANK NOW I AM SO FUCKING SAD AAAAAAHHH ALL OF MY KIDS

5.      MINHYUN WENT DOWN TO D I AM SO SO SO SO SAD A G H ITS NOT HIS FAULT HE DOESN’T DO WELL UNDER PRESSURE

6.      K-TIGER BYUN HYUNMIN GOT FROM F TO C AND ENTERED WITH A FLIP WOOOOO

7.      TAKADA KENTA GOT TO B MY DUDE they even said his Korean pronounciation is better than some of the other trainees I’m so PROUD

8.      JR GOT TO B MY BOY MY BOY MY BOY MY BOY IM SO PROUD MY BEAUTIFUL WARTORTLE SON IM SO SO PROUD AHH

9.      And now he says he was too sad about Ren and other NU’EST members who stayed at their grade or went down by one (Minhyun and Ren dropped a rank, Baekho stayed at D) to feel actually happy this is the fucking sad self sacrificing leader I know that boy would cut his leg off for NU’EST to get reciognized again

10.   HYUNGSEOB GOT FROM D TO A WHO HAS NO TALENNT IN SINGING? WHO?? NOT THIS BOY FUCK Y E A H THIS IS THE BEST THING

11.   Kim Taedong from the Vibe Label got from F to A holy fuckk

12.   WOOJIN AND DANIEL GOT BOTH UP TO A

13.   Seriously this is the best bromance of the entire season Daniel dotes on that kid so hard its so fucking cute

14.   They are announcing A grade reevaluations out loud??? Sounds scary ngl

15.   Entire original A grade stays at A grade this really is some hardcore aces all gathered together

16.   They are going to choose the first center now and no one really knew about it, the A ranks are gonna do a one minute performance/choreography within a hour and then everyone will choose a center from that

17.   Everyone are like what on earth do I do right now within a hour

18.   First is Daniel my pink boy who has THREE CATS!! Important information yes anyways hes rapping from a paper and i

19.   Noone pays attention to BNM Park Woojin poor kiddo ppl are like ‘the not Daehwi from BNM’ ‘The other Woojin’ but now he came out and HE DANCED SOS WELL AND RAPS SO WELL WTF DUDE HIS DANCE IS REALLY GREAT WHY WASN’T HE PICKED

20.   Another BNM rarpper kid, Im Youngmin, who rose from B to A but his nerves got the better of him

21.   Soooooooooo many rappers in A rank holy damn

22.   HYUNGSEOB SMALL NERVOUS KID

23.   He apparently had major problems with the time limit and messed up real bad and said he was sad as well I am sad too poor kiddo

24.   Now it’s the kid who came from F to A. He started clapping and everyone did it with him but he FORGOT HIS DANCE MOVES POOR KID AND PPL STILL CHEER FOR HIM IM GLAD

25.   Now it’s time for the little Woojin

26.   HOTSHOT SUNGWOON!!!!!!! His vocals are soooo good goddamn

27.   Other vocally talented kid, Kim Sungri ended with a damn flip

28.   Dance kids Noh Taehyun (IMPORTANT) and Ong Sungwoo

29.   And now the two mains, Samuel and Daehwi lol

30.   Daehwi went off from others and is kinda hiding because he doesn’t want others to know what he’s doing lol

31.   Samuel does some fast rapping and then a really neat and sharp choreo

32.   Daehwi aka the one who wins this im rlly anticipating this ngl

33.   Hes doing the og Pick Me song for I.O.I with really cheesy aegyo lol and I mean its cool but…….. BNM WOOJIN SHOULD’VE WON I don’t even stan that kid but he was sooooooo good

34.   The two candidates for center are Daehwi and the little Woojin

35.   They are now practicing for the big stage

36.   Why blur out the center lol we all already know it’s Daehwi

37.   Ren is so in distress it’s SAD lil boy went out to cry I love him so much gdi he’s more than a pretty face APPREACIATE HIM

38.   And roll the same stage ive seen a bajillion times lol they didn’t even bother switching out the individual shots of kids

39.   JUSTIN AND KENTA LOOK SO GOOD IM SHOOK

40.   I don’t know if it’s the flaw of my laptop but the thing I’m watching this from has such bad and laggy audio rip

41.   I’m really glad they showed that Kim Youngjin kid who was completely edited out from the first two episodes and overall just a bunch of shots of F graders it makes me happy

42.   Now it’s time for the group battle thing and unlike last season with a 1000 vote benefit its fucking 3000

43.   Everyone under the 61 rank will be dead

44.   The evaluation songs are 2PM-10 out of 10//Beast-Shock//BTS-Boy in Luv//Seventeen-Mansae//EXO-Call Me Baby//INFINITE-Be Mine//SHINee-Replay//Super Junior-Sorry Sorry

45.   Totally unrelated to the stuff going on there rn but I’m super excited to see the Infinite performance I fucking LOVE Be Mine and it’s choreo

46.   The teams get chosen by randomly drawn trainees, first is Daehwi because, yano, center

47.   He takes Hotshot Sungwoon, Brave Samuel, Maroo ent Jihoon, Cre.Ker Haknyeon, C9 Jinyoung, Yuehua Euinwoong AKA the kids that are popular/choosing for popularity not ability lol no hate to any kids I love them but I mean… you know lol

48.   Next is Minhyun, He chooses individ. Kim Jaehwan, MMO Kang Daniel, YGk+ Kwon Hyunbin, Fantagio Seongnwoo and NU’EST JR

49.   They don’t know the other teams in that detail rip

50.   The last kids, 5 F ranks and one D rank make up the last team sighs poor leftovers

51.   Now they’re gonna race for the songs, one B rank redhead is going to run barefoot, I don’t know his name but I’M ROOTING FOR HIM NOW U GOT MY VOTE

52.   Unlike last season, only half of the trainees can get a song they want, the first one to get back with their song gets it, later the ones who made it back first get to choose their opponent from the slower ones

53.   Omg the barefoot B rank is SO FAST I’m just gonna link it here because I cant get a good screenshot just click on this entire comment it’ll open in a new window

54.   Minhyun tried to get Boy in Luv but Daehwi was few seconds faster it is SAD TIME

55.   The fastest in the race gets to choose an opponent first, the slowest last.

56.   Fastest team chooses the leftovers team as their opponent

57.   Minhyuns team gets chosen last bc theyre so hardcore

58.   Omgggg Justin, Zhu Zheng and Ren are all in the Replay group this is HEAVEN

59.   Their rival team with A.Tom, MMO Taewoong and Jaehan are all more intimidating looking guys who really don’t fit the Replay softie concept and they are in despair sighs goddamnit Zhu WHY DID U CHOOSE THEM U ASS

60.   ANYWAYS now to other teams, one team got Infinites Be Mine and wow one of the dudes, Im Youngmin from grade A knows the full choreo and says it’s easier than the Nayana choreo

61.   The first team just discovered that Sunggyu sings 90% of the song and see who gets to sing it

62.   Part goes to FNC Yoo Hwiseung who has such an amazing high note everyone stare at him

63.   WOODAMMMM AND HIS GR8 VOICE he’s gonna get the main vocal part to Mansae everyone are sooooo hype

64.   This is the leftover team who goes against the Woodam Mansae team and they don’t have any good vocals sighs this is so sad poor little kids this is so depressing I just want everyone to do well

65.   Beast Shock team 2 only trainees I know is Donogsu from S.How and that’s it rip

66.   Team 1 has one of the D grade YGk+ kids and Minhyuk who ranked last during ep 1 andddd I don’t know others annnnnnnnnd that group isn’t getting shit done they just play around and don’t get anything decided sighs

67.   The avengers team has Baekho’s team as their opponent

68.   Team 2 has Kim Sangbin from grade A as their salty leader aahahah

69.   Fun fact when I first heard shock I thought they said ‘chug’ and I never really bothered to check it until my Beast biased friend called me out lool he doesn’t think they fit the manly man image for Boy in Luv

70.   BAEKHO STEPPED UP AND SAID THAT THEY HAVE GOOD DANCERS LIKE SAMUEL AND JIHOON PLEDIS FAM ISN’T DEAD

71.   ‘Since they are all popular they are gonna fight over the center position’ aahahah FUCK he’s right they are doing excactly that

72.   JIHOON ACTED WITH BIG BANG???????? WHAT??? W HA T ???

73.   Jihoon became the center that’s what happens when u act with bigbang

74.   JINWOOS TEAM HAS CALL ME BABY he’s the second to last chosen team sighs but he’s with the shy kid Dongbin, Han Minho and pink haired Seokyu with that scandal of him getting beaten up ugh poor baby

75.   Anyways that group has a dance off for the center position and even though most preferred Minho they didn’t say it out loud so Dongbin got it but… he isn’t too good with singing rip

76.   The other Call Me Baby team has Moonbok and everyone are kinda thinking that this team will win just because of him lmao

77.   But Moonbok has major problems learning the choreo so hes both their strong and weak point

78.   SORRY SORRY TEAM 1 HAS HA MINHO and also Kim Namhyung and Cube Yoo Seungho making them decently a strong team unlucky enough to go against Minhyun’s

79.   MINHYUNS TEAM AKA DREAM TEAM THANK U MINHYUN FOR CREATING THE TRUE AVENGERS

80.   Sungwoo said that JR gave leader vibes from the moment he saw him and everyone agree

81.    JR is beating himself up again about becoming the leader I’m so sad if this group is not gonna do well he will take it so bad I’m scared to even think about it

82.   Hyunbin suggests Sungwoo and Daniel for center, Daniel says it’s the best for Sungwoo and everyone agree and Sungwoo fake ugly cries and it’s beautiful I’m so glad my team is friendly

83.   10 out of 10 team has Jisung and Kim Taemin, Jisung gets called ‘artificial flavour’ lmao and Jae Chan becomes the Center

84.   The other 10 out of 10 team has Park Woojin from BNM as the leader and Hotshot Taehyun who actually can do the choreo hook. They also have Yuehua Hyungseob, GON ent Eunki and Yongbin whose ent I forgot but hes the one with the pretty nose lol

85.   Taehyun knows the choreo in another way from as it’s written down and it feels a bit heated

86.   The first team has problems doing the tricky chore but the second one gets it pretty well + they have the K-Tiger Byun Hyunmin so its easier for them

87.   First team has serious problems WHY DID THEY CHOOSE SUCH AN ACROBATIC RIVAL

88.   Now they’re preparing for their stage makeup and clothing and whatnot aaaaaahhh I’m so EXCITED everyone are looking so GOOD

89.   2PM 10 out of 10 teams are gonna go on now I’m SO EXCITED FUCK DUDE

90.   Jisung gets called the ‘master of facial expressions’ that’s a pretty lame name for the meme god

91.   Cut to the practice, team 1 is pretty fucking sad and their center Jae Chan makes mistakes with both singing and dancing

92.   Jisung gets praised for his dance and whatnot, Jae Chan asks for more timie to practice, the rest of the team shut him down and make Jisung the center

93.   This choreo is pretty gay ngl and the song is GREAT

94.   They threw confetti on themselves lmaoo

95.   ONE OF THEM DID A BALLET TWIRL SO CUTE

96.   Team 2 is veeeeery ambitious but Hyungseob is having problems with lyrics

97.   Park Woojin and Taehyun are having problems bc Woojin is the leader but Taehyun leads more and Woojin is sad aw

98.   People are crazy about team 2 lol poor team 1 2 has three A ranks and the k-tiger

99.   Ngl I liked team 1 more but I mean….. 2 flashed abs and flips so they are def gonna win sighs

100.   Can’t believe Park Jihoon is gonna sue Ahn Hyungseob for winking

101.   Lmaoooo Kim Taemin rated the other team 8.5/10 for their performance, Hyungseob said the first team was 8.4/10

102.   It just hit me I wont see like half of my kids again ever after this wow now I’m fucking sad fuck you mnet

103.   SOMEONE CALLED JISUNGS NAME AND THAT BABY STARTED CRYING AAWWHH ‘I was reciognized by someone’ FUCKING CUTE

104.   Oh my god they are revealing the results now I am SADDDD

105.   HYUNMIN SCORED OUT JISUNG I AM SAD

106.   HYUNGSEOB GOT 163 VOTES??? WHAT THE FUCK???????

107.   TEAM 2 WON???? BUT THEY ONLY HAD TWO PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT THE VOTES IN IM SO ANGRY TEAM 1 FUCKING DESERVED THIS AAAAAAGHHHHHH

108.   3000 votes is so much that’s so fucking much

109.   Anyways this was sad 

110. FALSE ALARM FALSE ALARM THIS ISNT OVER I JUST DISCOVERED THE CALL ME BABY CLIP THAT WASN’T UPLOADED BEFORE AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH SAVE ME

111.   Anyways 111 what a gr8 number lets watch Jinwoo be amazing as he always is

112.   Team 1 center is ‘age doesnt matter’ Hyunwoo and he just got scolded by Kahi

113.   Team 1 has Moonbok and Hyunwoo, team 2 has Jinwoo so who’s the real winner here

114.   Kahi lets two other members, Donghan and Woncheol to try out for the center position, Donghan does really well, Woncheol not as well. Hyunwoo apparently looks too strong and ‘not sexy’ in the center position loool

115.   Donghan becomes the new center and Hyunwoo cries poor kiddo ugh 

116.   Moonbok has an energizing effect on everyone ngl its cute lmao he also hides behind Hyunwoo while riding piggyback and pops out during one moment aahahahahah

117.   Aaaaaaaand its STARTING shit son the harmonies are nice, their main vocal is REALLY good and Donghae does amazingly as the center

118.   I mean Moonbok energizing others and being enthusiastic is cute but they are overhyping him a loooooooot

119.   Ok but... let me see Jinwoo... pls... THERE HE IS IN AN OVERSIZED PLLAID KINDA THING

120.   Apparently this team was pretty problematic while practicing and as far as I know they also 1) where the second to last to be chosen and 2) lost this competition ugh

121.    Their center, Dongbin doesn’t know his parts and is.... not good sighs I’m sad he also started crying

122.   Jinwoo has to do all the hard singing parts because he’s the only compentent vocal in the group and just..... ugh poor kid he is going to kill his voice I’m so so so so so sad

123.   LEZZ GO JINWOO IS SO GOOD PLEASE PPL PAY ATTENTION TO HIM 

124.   Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhahahah all the teachers are on the edges of their seats because of how those makeshift vocalists are doing

125.   If Jinwoo doesn’t make it though this evulation I’m going to be really, really, really, really, REALLY sad  

126.   Team 1 has only 2 positions that overdid team 2 positions but they still won bc Jelly Heeseok and Moonbok brought so many votes in. Jinwoo did alright though, not too good but alright

127.   Team 2 lost. Obviously. Ugh. I’m just... sad dude

now it’s really done and it was even sadder than I anticipated

ring me up when u wanna cry about p101 im always up for that 

[paperdoll-hearts]

Rehab,

I really can’t go on that long cause I’ve gone on and on in a few different places by now, but here’s a different angle on things: one of the reasons I love talking to you is how many things you can talk about and nerd out to and just have so much to say, and it shows right up thurr in your favorite people ^^ Like yes, they all happen to be pretty. But you have different reasons for loving them all and they all sort of show a different side of you. 

If I were trying to really show that and not just show pretty people I’d have included Ryan Tedder, clearly, but Buble has a prettier face, so he can represent that side of you that you know I love. That music nerd side. Legit, I could listen to you go on about music forever and not get tired of it. And you never will! You always think you’re talking too much or whatever, you’re annoying that way. But there’s a reason I beg you for that playlist. Because I love your taste in music, and because I love seeing kind of that side to you, if that makes sense. I think it will to you, because you can tell a lot about people with their taste in music, and also just like what you choose to show me. Idk. I just enjoy hearing about it all, whether it be your own experiences with singing, or how much you love whoever you love, because it gives me this insight into who you are and what makes you tick. And that little poetic soul we talked about the other day. Because honestly, whether you want to admit it or not, it’s there, and it’s awesome, it’s beautiful, it’s special. And I wish you’d show it off more, but SO BE IT.

And then there’s that Chris Pine love, which Chris Pine is sort of at a different level, obviously, but I’ve grown to realize you have this mold of human that you just love and maybe it’s mostly because they’re gorgeous, but you get so impassioned over it. And maybe they have talent or a good personality and stuff too, but yeah, it’s mainly just in that they have a nice face. But you get so invested that you’ll watch 3 dozen crap movies. I’m speaking mostly about Hayden Christenson rn btw. But yeah, basically you’re just a nerd again is what it comes down to, but it’s like a really loyal nerd, which is nice.

Then there’s the side I relate to mostly, which for someone like you who has all of this nerd in their personality, like when you first told me you liked football I was probably like “sure okay” because 90% of tumblr people who like football… you know haha. SO yeah, not that you or anyone like needs my backing, but just from my perspective, it’s really freaking cool that you have so many other interests and passions and yet you’re still this die hard fan who really REALLY cares and really REALLY knows the game and her team. Actually, now that I think of it, kind of annoying. Maybe back off? I need my thing too, you can’t just take it all. But honestly, it’s been fun kind of rooting for the Bears for you, which, I’ve tried many times to root for my friends’ teams and I’ve never been able to… just can’t do it, and with you I can… to a point. But it’s further than I’ve ever gotten, so that speaks to something. I guess I just like you and think the Bears deserve happiness haha. But, honestly, you deserve happiness as a fan, cause you’re a freaking great one.

I went completely out of order of the pics up there, huh? But anyways, this is soooorrt of a new one for me, I guess not that new. But maybe I realized more how deeply you love him somewhat recently? But I love your love of Hugh Jackman. I love it so much. And this one’s a unique one, right? Cause you just love everything he is, cause it sort of embodies most of the things you love. Music, films, adorable personalities, pretty faces. But idk, I never thought much of him or a lot of actors or actresses before you came into my life, it’s sort of cool just to hear you gush about his talent, and I wish you’d do it more. Gush all you want, you know I never hesitate to. But yeah, maybe it’s because it’s how I am with the Patrice Bergeron’s of the world that I relate to it and I love it, but there’s sort of nothing cooler to me than listening to someone (or like, you) try and explain what they love about someone like that and just not even having the words, just listing off things that falls so short of what you feel. And maybe it seems like it’s this small thing, you’re just obsessed with a celebrity, but idk, to me it’s like you have such a passion for so much of who he is. And yeah, it all comes out in this perfect form of him and you love him for that, but it’s your love of all of those things. And you’re way less talented than him, I mean holy crap, that gap is WIDE I mean, really, you really missed the mark on that one, it’s incredible how far short you fell… hahaha, no, but you have all of that in you. Maybe it doesn’t come out as like the talent he has, but the passion he has for what he does; the artistry of it, the acting, the films, the musicals, the actual music. It’s in you, and maybe that seems insignificant, but it’s not to me. It’s part of what makes you the interesting, totally freaking rad person that you are. 

I can’t believe I said I wasn’t going to say a lot and then just typed all of that. Sorry for making you read so much of my ramblings on your day of birth. BUT, I just want you to know that when you’re like “I’ve talked too much tonight” or whatever, and I tell you NO YOU IDIOT. I mean it, because all of these things, and other larger life things, that matter to you, they matter to me. And for no reason other than you’re an incredibly interesting, passionate person. And listening to those types of people nerd out on the things they love is what’s great about the world. I don’t call a ton of people nerds, it’s weirdly like a term of endearment in my lexicon (that’s a $5 word), but you’re the biggest nerd I know. 

I love ya, you’re wonderful. Congratulations on the aging process. And happy middle of your birthday.

-ro$e.

[iluvtv]

Mom Guilt

Since today I will be tackling the taboo topics of both guilt and remorse I may as well start with my own caveat; I apologize.

I'm going to do some mom-splaining here...

Recently I watched the first ten episodes of both I'm Sorry and I Feel Bad. Both shows are Momedies and in case you hadn't noticed I am far more fluent in the more ego-centric brand of SWF Humor. No matter, intrigued by these curiously similar premises and my general obsession with female comedic powerhouses (including the women behind these titles) I assumed I had nothing to lose (ten hours on the sofa aside).

In full disclosure, while Andrea Savage's I'm Sorry wasn't exactly a show I fell for immediately, the stellar cast and the unapologetically hilarious style of Savage's parenting was enough to keep me watching. A clever choice indeed, by the final episode of Season One I felt pure sadness that I had no more episodes to watch and apologetic that I hadn't immediately understood the show's intentions. While my earliest notes state I am impressed by the cast they also indicate confusion towards the uneven tone.  Or to be as authentic as Savage my actual notations read as such:

"So many snappy quips.

Cast is epic...

Hope show gets better.

RN all just parents talking shit"

As I struggled to grasp I'm Sorry I also started dabbling with I Feel Bad. A show I found so problematic that no matter which lens I looked through I just wound up feeling... well, bad.

My ability to embrace the intentions behind I'm Sorry was aided through Savage's interview on Dax Shepard's (wonderful) podcast Armchair Expert. Her voice allowed a clear point of reference, making it much easier to deduce the ambitions behind her creative portrayal of just how humorous motherhood is. 

The feminist credo she passes to her daughter doesn't hurt the show's hilarity either. Savage's offbeat parenting hacks towards inciting female power seemingly misfire, all the while actually breeding a totally self-actualized kid who will proudly push back on the agenda. Amelia patiently explains to her mother "Ariel doesn't need a voice because she is the prettiest."

Savage makes this whole process just so darn relatable.

So, maybe I am just an ignorant audience and I still don't get I Feel Bad. Maybe a few interviews and episodes later I'll be espousing this show as the sleeper hit I knew about all along. But for now, as a woman who very much does not "have it all" I couldn't help but feel insulted by I Feel Bad's beautiful, successful protagonist, Emet. This is a mom who spends each episode lamenting her inability to "do it all" while somehow managing to round off each half hour by achieving whatever seemed implausible earlier in the day. Along the way, her funny, nuclear (though, to be fair racially diverse) family, comedically (and again, to be fair, often judgmentally) applauds her missteps.

Somehow each episode lands like a small punch in the gut. By episode six I was pretty sure I was being Sheryl Sanberg'ed all over again.

Emet's successful gaming illustration job, sweet and loving husband, goofy dad, terribly hands-on mom and mostly self-sufficient children (we hardly ever even see the baby) is all just a little much. This is a working mom that makes leaning in look suspiciously like lying down.

So, is I Feel Bad actually the minority mother's manifesto it was built as or is it just another major female guilt trip?

Admittedly here, Savage's television alter-ego which is practically exclusively based in reality is a wildly talented and beautiful comedienne, married to a successful lawyer with a cute (if sometimes obnoxiously inconvenient) daughter. In spite of this the show somehow just doesn't feel overdone. Instead, her down to earth approach to life and incessant and often deprecating commentary induce both cringing and appreciative nodding. Even I understand her plight and I am a single woman living in a one bedroom apartment writing a blog for free.

Perhaps this can be attributed to the humor. Savage's commitment to every joke intrinsically carries this series.

Once I finished listening to her and Dax chat I was entirely smitten with this woman. She sees the world through satire tinged goggles, she is attracted to banter and surrounds both her work and home life with this ethic.

Realizing the comedians on her show were mostly improvising I embraced the occasional awkwardness in tone for all it was intended to be.

It is this constantly improving unrehearsed dialogue in which, I'm Sorry thrives. The show has a fabulously charming Curb your Enthusiasm feel but I suppose I need to quantify this statement.

I understand charming to mean Judith Light telling Andrea Savage to go fuck herself during a geriatric Zumba class when Savage (the youngest person in the room by some 20-odd years) requests to turn up the A/C. Or charming like when your newly not racist four-year-old daughter runs into the "grown-up" dinner party in blackface  (the very same exclusively invited guests who just discovered you probably peed on your hands to alleviate the "jalapeno burn" you acquired whilst preparing their guacamole) only to announce that she is "Fat Albert!" Charming like when your best friend gleefully squeals, "I'm just so excited to see what you have planned next! First piss guac, then blackface. Its probably going to be something antisemitic!" Charming like 7a at the fertility clinic watching men leave the waiting room one by one to go masturbate in a cup and appreciating the experience as nothing more than amazing content."It's kind of like the reverse walk of shame," Savage announces gaining hearty laughs from the other patients and causing her husband to shrink into his chair, muttering; "please don't engage the room."

This is the kind of parenting I can comprehend.

I'm Sorry features a team already skilled at doing improvisation with one another and while it does take a bit for both viewer and actor to fully grasp the unpredictable tone of a real-life mom, it's bumps and misses are a welcome side effect of both the show and actual motherhood.

This story focus' on the perils a funny mom who writes crass humor for a living might actually have to face. Her writing partner, Kyle (Jason Mantzoukas) wonders how she can go from "blow jobs to kindergarten" and her husband teases: "Moms aren't supposed to be funny. Don't you watch TV? Get more hairy and tired."

All teasing from loved ones aside, this show works because Andrea is not actually perfect. She explains in the first episode that she is "disgusting" and later acknowledges she is on an equal playing field with a woman she once accused of being a "garbage person".  These fallacies lead to a character who is both likable and entirely relatable; I too am struggling through a semi-charmed life with plenty to apologize for.

Most notable perhaps, is the final two scenes of season one when Savage accidentally changes her email signature to her favorite (just for laughs) porn picture of a girl biting a man's dick (this is a pic she utilizes as an ongoing gag in many different facets and even unwittingly exposes her four-year-old daughter to at one point in the season). Without realizing her mistake, she shoots off an email to the elite kindergarten her daughter was just accepted to, informing them how thrilled her family is to join the school next fall. Spoiler alert, the season ends with her begging for redemption.

But that's the thing, we don't know if she'll get it and if the Dean's face is any indication Amelia's future here looks highly doubtful.

And while this is an error perhaps enhanced for the comedic effect her apology does sound genuine. She hadn't quite meant for her humor to hurt her daughter's future, an intent likely all decent mom's can relate to

Far less avant-garde, I Feel Bad follows the mainstream sitcom throughline in which conflict is presented, dealt with and solved all in the matter of one episode. Personally, I have no problem with this tactic, designed of course to give us a fresh start each week. The problem here lies with the premise of the show. How badly can you really feel about an error which only takes 28 minutes with commercials to rectify? But what really grates at me here is that our protagonist hasn't so much as fixed her problem as she's found a grovely way to make it redeeming. If anything, it's more insulting that Emet’s cute creativeness has all but rendered her infallible.

For all the enjoyment of Andrea's apology-prompting endeavors (Amelia sharing the gossip of her mother's stretched out vagina to her pre-school chums. Andrea and her mother commiserating about being stuck in successful marriages all the while knowing they'd be at their very best as sexy widows), Emet’s missteps just prompt angst. She left me wondering if I was somehow failing at life. Why wasn't own annoying TV family rallying around my picturesque existence, rooting for me as I lamented my imperfections?

Case in point: during I Feel Bad's holiday episode Emet allegedly feels bad because her kids don't know about their own culture.

I say allegedly here because in actuality she displays zero remorse for her kids' minimal grasp on both Judaism and Hinduism. What Emet actually seems concerned with (as is true in almost every episode) is not her children's well-being but rather how she comes across to the world. In this particular episode, the person she is most concerned with impressing is her Mother in Law. She does this by hiding her own mother inside a Casino.

In some sort of off-beat coup Emet pays the Indian side of her family to silence through Paula Abdul tickets and a $300 credit card charge at CVS ("just imagine how long that receipt is?!" her husband laments)  and while admittedly this is a good hush approach if you ever are interested in buying my silence it's also kind of a not-so-cute, dare I say asshole move to try to embrace one culture by buying off another (sounds like some kind of ass-backward deal #45 might brag about).

All this is of little concern to Emet and her husband though. Instead, the mezuzah on the door, the brisket on the table and expensive Hannukah decorations in the yard are effective enough, causing one Grandma to swoon while the other returns with a carefully calculated revenge approach aimed at convincing her grandchildren (those kids we allegedly are all so worried about being culturally out of touch) that Diwali is the cooler holiday.

Shenanigans ensue.

The pageantry culminates in a backyard, multi-generational family paint war. Of course, everyone winds up laughing and bonding about Emet’s lies and oddly accept equal blame for her dishonesty, each adult copping to their own inability to raise a future generation to be more woke.

Now everyone is happy, they have created new (and obviously better) traditions and all the while the stereotypical old Jewish couple visiting Emet’s inlaws remain indoors blissfully unaware o the commotion, chatting amongst themselves about what a good brisket "the Indian woman has prepared."

And scene.

Did Emet really ever feel bad that her kids are cultural ignoramus'?

Absolutely not.

Can everyone get behind her scheming, lying and flagrant consumeristic overspending because she said she did? Absolutely.

And her family is colorful and happy. Problem solved, yay!

How bizarre.

I may live 1,000 lives and I will never get away with holiday mischief like this.

I'm Sorry but I can't help but Feel Bad.

And so I suppose now is the time to reflect on the actual difference between the two phrases from which each show hails its title.

Similar, sure but fundamentally, "I feel bad" and "I'm sorry" (not the television shows per se, though it does pertain here)  the actual implications behind these phrases are very, very different. If someone feels bad they crashed your car that somehow has an entirely different ring to it than they're sorry they crashed your car.

Karen R. Koenig a licensed psychotherapist I found online (the best place for psychobabble) explains the phenomenon as such:

“I’m sorry,” usually indicates that people feel regret or remorse for having caused pain: they wish they hadn’t done what they did...This mindset is different from someone feeling guilty. That is, people can feel momentarily badly that they did something wrong, but not regret it. The guilt comes from recognizing that what they did was wrong, but not from actually feeling sorry that it happened. Guilt often arises only because someone gets caught. My take is that most of the time, abusers experience momentary guilt, but little more."

If this doesn't prove I Feel Bad is just the gentle sit-com equivalent of gaslighting I'm not sure what does? I get enough of that noise when I read the news, thank you very much.

[bughead-bound-blog]

Riverdale Ep. 9: La Grande Illusion

Holy.

HOLY GUYS, HOLY SMOKES!!! Big ass long toothed meta puke about episode 9 bitties below. Spoilers, flails, a lot of screaming. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED. 

OK so, the opening --

as a Canadian, this hella spoke to me on a whole other level. Hahahaha (I’m laughing but maple syrup is no laughing matter. THIS AIN’T NO GAME. $50/L ain’t no joke, what are we giggling about here? No smiling.)

Then right after that AGGGHHHKKKK--

OMG BUGHEAD RIGHT IN OUR FACE STRAIGHT OUT OF THE GATE <3 <3  “We’ll figure it out . . . come here.” That sly little glance. I’M DEAD. I’M DEAD OK? This is a long way from “Also?” . . . *almost choking* so I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that THE BOY HAS HAD PRACTICE SINCE THEN. ON THAT BED. WHY NOT. I’m just gonna go over here and die now.  Oh, wait what? That wasn’t the end of the episode? I got what I came for in the first two minutes. 

. . . HA LAWD THERE’S MORE?!

Also here’s my bonus not-so-mini meta rant about Mama Cooper coming in and bustin’ up the party when they were so blatantly kissing ON BETTY’S BED, and Alice doesn’t even bat an eyelash. Remember when Alice was lecturing Betty about Archie and forcing her to get in the car because she didn’t want her associating with him? Didn’t even want to hear that her daughter was friends with Archie and tried to ban it. I thought it was because she didn’t want Betty getting knocked up but now here’s Jughead, in Betty’s bedroom, ON HER BED, KISSING HER. And Alice does not care. 

Was it because Alie thought Archie looked too much like Jason? I have no idea. But Alice has been so uptight about Betty “not growing up too fast” like Polly, wearing makeup and seeing boys. But SHE’S FINE WITH JUGHEAD. Inexplicably in her daughter’s room on her bed making out with her. 

So this tells me she must actually know Jug quite well seeing him and Betty have been friends for so long. She approves because we already know that if Alice had a problem, SHE’D VOICE IT. But she trusts Jughead not to take advantage of her daughter and respect her because she must know how much Betty means to Jughead AND AUHMUHGOD AND- *Megaphone* ALICE COOPER TRUSTS JUGHEAD WITH BETTY. THAT IS ALL. 

Jesus Christ, my SO is going to come home and find a body on the couch because THIS SHOW IS GOING TO END ME with cuteness and feels. MOVING ALONG HERE . . .  (Wait wait wait before we do does anyone else here sporadically burst out laughing because Betty’s mom is named Alice Cooper and, well, you know . . . Alice Cooper? 

No? Just me? OK actually moving on here . . . 

Can I just say how much I appreciate this adaptation of Veronica Lodge? The scenes with her and Ethel -- wow. I can’t bow down to the writers enough for doing such a justice with her character in this adaptation. She is powerful, witty, intelligent, moral, considerate, and she has a huge heart. While she always had a big heart in the comics, she was prone to selfishness and snobbery. Putting Veronica’s family in the situation they created with Hiram has resulted in such an empathetic and generous Ronnie. My heart is full with how precious and strong her character is on this show. <3  Veronica and the news about Ethel’s dad. HOLY. SWEET. LORD. OK I am actually having trouble seeing what I’m writing because I’m still cryin’ RN seeing that girl break down. And Betty crouching down on the floor to hold her . . . MY HEART. Then her and Betty going to visit Ethel’s dad at the hospital . . . damn. That takes a bravery I can’t even comprehend. I’m glad that Ethel and Ronnie are bigger than their parents and decide to stay friends. <3 

And MY GOD, Hermoine Lodge is being put through the ringer this episode and I just want to fucking hold her. X_X Fred dumping her kind of destroyed me a little inside. *Smoking wreck*

Alright switch it up again -- the ArchiexCheryl/Blossoms arc is disturbing as hell. O_O Them literally preying on Archie’s vulnerability and desperation to solidify his career in music and protect his father by reigning him in and bribing him? FUCK. -_- Just . . . fuck. Archie tried to put up a good fight here. We saw how this conflicted with his morality and I felt bad for him. It’s difficult to say no when your future and your father’s are on the line. -_- Oh, Archie. I’m still trying to root for you, bud.  (A CHERRY ‘84 GIBSON LES PAUL I’D BE A SLUT4BLOSSOM, TOO.) But . . . “I swear Archibald when the light hits you just right . . . “ I PHYSICALLY SHUDDERED. (P.S: WHAT👏IS👏GOING👏ON👏WITH👏POLLY? Her infiltration scheme got me SHOOK, good LAWD) Also . . . Cheryl by the pool in that diamond choker and blue dress? Holy hot mother of God, I gotta fan myself over here. SO HOT I -- woah. WOAH. Archie and Cheryl now? -_- *Facepalms so hard my hand goes through my face to the back of my skull* Archie. Archie ARCHIE -- oh. O_O Oh. He . . . he made the right choice. GUYS he did the right thing.  LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ARCHIE ANDREWS MADE THE CORRECT CHOICE ON RIVERDALE CAN I GET A FUCK YEAH

Hal firing Alice and her firing a rock through his window and walking off like a boss? HAHAHAHA Not going to lie . . . I am living for this psycho Alice shit.

ALICE WRITING FOR THE BLUE AND GOLD DAUGHTER-BOYFRIEND-MOMMY TEAM OMFGGGGGG I AM A CORPSE WRITING THIS RN-

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR MORE BUGHEAD. (Saving the best for last)

“Betty don’t do that. Don’t give up. . . . you’re so much stronger than all of the white noise. You’re stronger than your mother. You’re stronger than your father. You’re holding this family together. So don’t. Don’t let go.” “I won’t.”  THE WAY THAT HE TAKES HER COLLAR BEFORE PULLING HER IN FOR A WARM HUG. SO BEAUTIFUL TAN OUTTA TAN HELP ME 

Every time Betty starts to spiral Jughead is right there for her saying exactly what she needs to hear. And watching this scene reminded me of those stressful times in my life when I’d start panicking because I’m overwhelmed with school or work or life in general and the SO would just come over and hold me and say exactly what had to be said to calm me down. What I’m trying to say is, Bughead feels so genuine. I am actually taken aback by how authentic their interactions are as a healthy couple. 

Last thoughts:

HIRAM LODGE. I HAD SUSPECTED HIRAM LODGE AND NOW HE’S ON THE BOARD.

CHERLY BLOSSOM HAS GONE FULL DARK NO STARS.

Favorite quotes: “Cheryl . . .” -- “That was a joke, you hobo.” “The ice woman cometh.” “I talked to Valerie and she’s cool with it.” -- “Cool with you being a jigalo now?” “He’s also pimping himself out to Cheryl.” (Jughead was savage fire with the male escort quips) 

But Valerie takes it with the quotes of the episode for me, folks:

“Wouldn’t you rather earn your place at that table?” . . . “Sorry Archie. Unlike you, I won’t be bought.”

This girl is so worthy. #SORRYARCHIBALD.