#just because you’ve never seen it doesn’t mean horrifying things dont happen

[dreamteamspace]

So this stream I got a bit confused with what was going on with the whole spiel with schlatt and dream, and I dont actually think theres a traitor. However if there was one why not niki ya know? I mean, he kept saying how it would be way more unexpected than eret in the independance war, and literally everyone so far has been thought of as a potential traitor to pogtopia,, except well,, why not niki? She also had this letter to her "dear friend" that sounded like a new turn for her character and idk man why not?

Alright I’m a very texting type of person and you’ve got my started on my hyperfixation here we go-

My thoughts on the whole situation and why I think Fundy is the traitor:

I think from Dream’s perspective: Everything makes sense. I’m HIGHLY certain that Schlatt’s deal, which Dream said is “Something Wilbur and Tommy would never give him”, was that L’Manburg will either cease to exist (become part of the Dream SMP, and we know neither Wilbur not Tommy would ever do that), or that Dream would essentially become leader of it.

That’s why, in this flip situation, if he wins, he wins all of it. This also makes sense, as Dream is 100% alright with Wilbur just blowing it up, too: Because essentially he achieves the very same thing: L’Maburg/Manburg is no more.

Dream is absolutely right that he was never on their side or really on anybody’s side. Dream is his own side. It’s his server. He IS the Dream SMP, in that sense, just like Tommy is the spearhead of the rebellion right now.

I’m also fairly certain Dream will pull a lot more people than they think into this, and I think they ALSO know, in a meta-way, that they won’t be fighting only Schlatt and Dream and one traitor. He’s just letting them wallow in their security, although I have to say he LOVES dipping in his dramatic implications about what he’s doing or will do. In this case, he might’ve managed to keep quiet to let them think they’re safe.

So for Dream: Either they win, and L’Manburg is his/no more, or Wilbur sees they start losing, and L’Manburg is also no more. Honestly? He just has to make Wilbur panic hard enough to hit that button... and then he wins. It would be bad if he loses, though, so I do think he’ll pull together for this. He’s very competitive.

(Lot more juicy theory as to who the traitor is under the cut)

I predict that a good portion of BadboyHalo, Georgenotfound, Sapnap, Punz, potentially also people like Thunder or Alyssa?, are going to join Dream’s side. Sam seems close to the rebellion, but he’s also friends with George and Sapnap, but I just can’t see those two seriously fighting against Dream. If the stakes really are high, they’ll flip over to him, although I also can’t see them convincing Sam.

Most likely, George and Sapnap are just going to stay out of it entirely, and let Sam fight on the side of the rebellion. Maybe the current pet war might change that, though, say if Sapnap develops a new hatred against Tommy or even Sam? (I dont know what the pet war’s at atm but didn’t Sapnap and Sam fight over pets?), he would join in on Dream’s side. George? I have no idea. Most likely he just won’t be there. He doesn’t want to go against Sam (Who provides him with like. Everything), but he also doesn’t wanna fight Dream. IF he fights, though, I’m tempted to say he’d be on Dream’s side, but I’m honestly not up to date enough on his streams to say for certain.

As for the traitor: I actually haven’t seen Niki’s letter (to my great regret, I saw the news float around though), since I’m very focused on watching Tommy and Wilbur’s POVs. Honestly, if it’s Niki? That would be MASSIVELY surprising, and the biggest brain move I’ve ever seen. It’s possible, but I honestly don’t think it’s likely.

They’ve kept their characters fairly consistent, and while this IS kindof meta to say, I don’t think (with how things are atm), that Niki would betray L’Manburg, UNLESS she’s doing a double-agent thing and plans on tricking Dream in the end. That I could potentially see happening.

But knowing that she changed the anthem from Wilbur’s posessive “My L’Manburg” to just “L’Manburg”, that she’s been loyal even when they kinda half left her alone with Schlatt to tax her, and even during the pet wars she never strikes blood, but rather takes hostages and wants a sincere apology... I don’t see it right now. Then again, I don’t watch Niki’s streams on the SMP, so I could be wrong, as I’m not quite familiar with the intricacies of her character on the SMP besides the surface level.

On on hand... I also doubt whether there is a traitor at all, and Dream is just hoping to drive them apart and make sure they don’t get things done as efficiently as they could, because they’re busy pointing fingers at eachother, suspecting eachother, potentially even throwing somebody out once the tension between them snaps.

He needs to win this fight. If he does, he gets EVERYTHING. What they think of him after that point doesn’t matter, so the lie doesn’t matter. They can laugh at him afterwards, but he’ll still have won. I don’t know how many actually highly important details Dream would drop into conversation like that.

Consider, he does have a traitor. Why would he tell them he has one there? Why tell them that they’ll never guess? It just sows chaos in their group, and that’s what he wants. If he DID have one, he might just not say anything.

On the other hand: He might just be dramatic like that honestly. We all know they’re meta-fighting for the next spot in a sad-ist animatic, so Dream could very well be taking a more active role to insert himself into the story and cause some drama. Even if he DOES have a traitor on the inside, saying it still sows chaos. It’s a little risky, but if it really is something they won’t guess, then the chance that they’ll suspect the wrong person might be high enough, and make it worth it.

If he DOES actually have a traitor, my top sus are honestly Fundy, Tubbo, and maybe Ponk. I’m very sure it’s NOT Wilbur, Tommy, Sam, or Quackity.

Ponk doesn’t seem like the type of person to be reliable enough. He’s just kinda in it for the ride, and he’s too quiet to set a focus on. I don’t think Dream even considered him on the side of the rebellion for certain until today. It is, however, still possible. Tommy seems to trust him, and he’s not in deep enough for them to intently interrogate him on his loyalty, cause they know he’s more laid back when it comes to that. He feels only half in the rp to begin with, just wanting to fuck around with everyone. And then, BOOM, he’s actually been playing a massive role this whole time. It’s a little bit of a safe target, too, albeit a little underwhelming.

Tubbo... listen. We all love Tubbo. Tommy loves Tubbo, and we know Tubbo cares greatly for Tommy. Tubbo also seems(?) to care for L’Manburg. But I just....

It’s Tubbo, man. I have no idea. He seemed SO close to ACTUALLY flipping over to Schlatt before the festival. Everyone keeps pushing him around like this innocent tiny kid when he has the biggest third eye out of everyone and is the only one actually doing any work.

Tubbo has stated before that his official motivation is that he just wants peace for everyone. He just doesn’t want to fight and wants to do fun stuff. So of course he sounds horrified at the prospect of having to hunt down Tommy after Tommy was exiled, but happily went along with the festival. He was excited to do his speech. Schlatt actually placed responsability on them for once. He truly did seem happy about that.

It doesn’t matter as much to Tubbo who’s who. What matters is that the fighting preferrably stops, and they all just have a good time. Dream gave the line “I’m very convincing”, so I think he did actually have to convince the traitor, if there is one, to join his side. It wasn’t automatic.

Technically speaking, if L’Manburg is no more, and they’re all part of the Dream SMP again, doesn’t the fighting stop? If there’s no nation to fight over, then there’s no reason to fight. If L’Manburg is no more, then Schlatt has 0 power, and if Dream takes over, he could’ve promised to un-exile Tommy and Wilbur. And then they’re all part of the Dream SMP! No more fighting! Everyone’s on the same side!

Tubbo seems to care less for nations or sides, and much more for people, and for the people around them to be happy. His switch to enthusiasm at Schlatt’s festival came quickly, because many of the people he cared about still partook in it, and he never did hurt Tommy, because he does care about him.

But Tubbo DID say the line “may the festival begin” after his speech, and they knew what that would start. So why? In a way, I think Tubbo waged his options. Who does he care about more? Tommy, to his knowledge, is on Wilbur’s side. He might’ve decided in a moment of uncertainty that Wilbur and Tommy’s opinions of him are more important to them than the opinions of the other people there. Mostly Tommy, because we know those two would die for eachother. They chose Tommy over everyone else at that festival, potentially even over their own motivations, over their own gut.

Fundy, in fact, has MANY reasons to be the traitor, but isn’t quite obvious in that sense. They thought he was a traitor, actually, but once he showed them his diary, he essentially convinced all of them very certainly that he’s not the traitor, and they believed him. Dream joined the call later, so it’s possible he heard that part or Fundy told him about it (They’ve all been known to listen in on convos sometimes to know whats going in. They have to in order to build a good story line.)

Fundy has all the reasons. Reason number one, to me, is Fundywastaken. It’s canon in the Dream SMP lore, they just surprisingly haven’t done anything with it. During the independance war, that wasn’t a thing yet, and since they ARE a thing in canon now... they’ve never actually fought eachother. In fact, as things are now? We’re EXPECTING to see Dream fight his canon fiancé. Fundy officially joined the fight when Tommy asked him, confirming that they can count on him and that he will fight. We know for certain that Dream will fight.

If Fundy isn’t the traitor and doesn’t become one, then Dream and Fundy are inevitably meeting in battle on the 16th.

Consider his storyline: We’ve all been highly expecting Fundy to either punch Wilbur in the face or at LEAST be dissapointed in him or SOMETHING. He hasn’t, as far as I’m aware. He’s just standing there near him, very very quietly, giving a firm but quiet “yes” when Tommy asked him if they could count on him.

Fundy hasn’t expressed much to Wilbur at all, despite heving been left alone with Schlatt by him, despite how much he deserves to be angry at him for being patronized and not trusted with anything.

And, y’know... He’s officially Dream’s fiancé. The others don’t seem to know yet, and I don’t know how many people do know or not. It’s possible they just don’t know, and of course Dream wouldn’t tell them anything, not even tell anyone, this close before a fight. Dream might not even tell his close allies out of fear that the information could spread or that they could turn on him.

So honestly... Fundy seems the most likely for me to be the traitor, especially because there’s been plenty of foreshadowing for it, there’s a good setup, he has good reasons, and it wouldn’t seem like a cheap plottwist, but rather a gradual change.

Not to mention that meta-wise, Fundy has been actively involved in the rp and been dropping some pretty good lines himself. This isn’t something that Dream would have some non-rping person do.

I’m also kindof sure it’s not Technoblade, because Dream laughed it off and half-indicated that it is (Tommy: “I bet it’s Technoblade” Dream, cracking up: “I didn’t say that, you said that”), because he profits from doing so. He profits from them thinking Technoblade is the traitor. And also I really, really don’t think Techno would team up with Dream in this rp. Then again, Dream recently proclaimed to be on the side of chaos.... so who truly knows? I’ll definitly be surprised if it’s Techno, but I suppose it is a possibility. I just don’t think Techno can be convinced to much of anything, unless of course all it took was saying “Hey it’s Schlatt and Me against like 6 people so if we want an actual fight for once-” “Finally some bloodshed and war. I’m in”. I mean, I doubt it, but I’m leaving the possibility open.

TLDR: Dream wins if he wins the fight OR if Wilbur blows everything up. The traitor is likely either Fundy, Ponk or Tubbo, and I think there will be more people fighting on Dream’s side than just Schlatt and one traitor.

[khuzena]

I love you to the moon and back

Ff xiao

your pov.

Tw. Double suicide, depression, angst, fluff at end,

"Babe, i just want to talk about something."

"Huh? What is it?" xiao questions you

"I.. You always go on adventures with traveler but not me, im not jealous but can we please spend sometime together? You always ignore me..." you say as you pout

"Im busy ok." he scoffs at you

" But babe can you atleast tell me where you're going sometimes? You're making me worry..."

You reach out to his hand but he slaps your hand away from him.

"I don't need your permission. I help the traveler with their adventures because they're stronger and better than you."

He glares at you with the scariest and coldest glare ever.

You feel fear rush all over you.

'why traveler? why not me? im your lover xiao' those flood all over you

As xiao looks away from you, you feel the tears prickling down your cheeks. These tears make you feel like it's burning your skin. It's painful. Why?!? Why?!? What did I do wrong?

Xiao just ignores your cries and before he left the room he said

"You really thought I loved you? I fucking hate you annoying little shit always clinging onto me"

You couldn't help but cry even more when xiao just abandoned you alone in your room.

The floors were becoming tearstained and the walls were echoing with your cries.

The pain is so overwhelming that you can't even move your limbs.

_______

After a week that fight happened between you two, Xiao just ignores you. It's like you never existed to him. And you, still dwelling on that painful memory. Everything hurts. You wanted to end it all.. But you didn't want to give up yet, you always tried to talk him but he doesn't even look your way.

what did i ever do wrong?

Ah yes.

Traveler chitchatting with him. The expression on his face... I've never seen that happy look on him. I envy traveler.

'if only i was like them?'

'i wish i wasn't like this'

Days went on and traveler and xiao have fun together while you are here just suffering

You run away but you can't stop remembering his face with the traveler.

Everything reminds me of him...

...

You grip hard on the pen as you write your farewell letter.

The letter is already wet from the tears even though you just wrote the

'dear xiao,'

It hurts knowing that you'll finally leave him and this world. This was your decision, remember? He was the only reason that made you move forward no matter what the situation. You wanted to live for yourself and for him. Now that he's left your grasp, you have nothing left. Yes, you do have many friends and wealth but at what cost?

Your life feels dull and gloomy.

'it hurts so much to write everything i feel on this letter but it's better than letting it in forever in my heart'

As many seconds, hours and days go by, you've finally finished the letter. You brought yourself to finally finish it. Even though it was merely a letter, it was like a way of freeing these hurtful emotions inside. It took you a week to finish it.

Not because you were busy or anything but it was because it just hurt knowing you'll finally do it.

It.

The word 'it' maybe a simple and short word but it has many meanings. By the it that you would do. It's the depressing one.

You'll finally let go of everything

I just, want to say goodbye for the very last time

________________

Xiao pov.

I was so irritated by them whining for your attention that it made something inside you awaken.

Anger.

I just wanted them stop blabbering about shit.

"You really thought I loved you? I fucking hate you annoying little shit always clinging onto me"

You really lost it. Huh?

I try to look away from them and they're crying...

I.... Did this?!?

I glance back at them as they're just facing the floor and letting the tears run from their face to the floor.

...

I can feel it.

The karmic bonds again...

I feel so ashamed...

Why?????

I dont want to see you cry again..

My body froze for a minute until I walk at the door and close it behind me...

What have I done?!?

Im so sorry y/n...

_______

After a week that fight happened between you two, I just feel so ashamed to look at them again. To the point that I ignore them and give them the cold shoulder. I keep on dwelling on that stupid painful memory... Why can't I stop seeing her face everywhere?

As I lay my body on the railings, I notice traveler coming up to my direction.

"Hey xiao I was jusy wondering if you're ok... You look kinda sad today... You can take a break for a while from adventuring with me."

Traveler's face looks so emphatic. Like how y/n's face when they see me suffering from my karmic bonds again.

"nothing's wrong." i say to the traveler

'that's a lie. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!'

Why? Why do i keep seeing and remembering that tear stained face that day when we fought?

I just want to forget it.

"Huh? You really don't look okay."

...

"*sigh* Fine. Something happened between me and y/n. I can't get it off my chest and whenever I see those dull and teary eyes, it makes me feel like crying and when I do, it stings... It hurts traveler"

im so weak for letting traveler see this side of me. i should've held it in. but i can't.

"no... It's okay xiao, tell me about it.. Im always here for you, okay?"

When I hear crying, I always her their crying and begging for me to stay.

Everything reminds me of them...

...

I told traveler the situation and they look disheartened.

They're already giving me help on how to bring back me and y/n's relationship back.

While we think about what to do for an apology, traveler gave me an idea on how to apologise to y/n. They said that I should say something to them.

Like sorry and I love yous

But all I want right now is their warmth.

If only, I didn't lose my cool.

None of this would've happened.

I don't want them to really leave me. I want y/n to stay with me. I really fucking love them but I freeze whenever I think about facing them again. It feels shameful to face someone and apologise rgiht in front of them, even though I've done terrible things to them

' * **** *** ** *** **** *** ****'

Yes. Thats what i should tell them.

I don't want to let go of y/n, they're my everything

I just, want to apologise and be with them again

______

your pov.

You couldn't face him.

You can't bring your self to say that you're thankful for everything and you're ready to end yourself.

Xiao was always with me even when i was young, he was there to always love and take care of me. So i took care of him as well when he was at his lowest because of the karmic bonds and conflicts.

Who knew it would end like this?

You slip the letter at the side of the balcony where xiao sits, hoping that he takes it and reads it.

After that, you go to the place where it all started,

The cliff at the mountains of qingyun peak.

_____________

Xiao pov.

As i mustered up the strength to face them directly thanks to traveler, I go to the balcony first to calm myself down first.

As I lay my self at the balcony sides, i notice a letter on the sides.

Huh? A letter at the balcony?

This is unusual.

It's wet from tears. Nonetheless, it's just a small letter for someone who i dont care about.

Wait.. What?

To me??

As i open the letter, I was horrified from its contents.

P1/2

[collectionofcherries]

Hi! I saw that you had Daryl on that list of yours! Have you by any chance heard of BakedCrispss??? Maybe you could do an imagine or headcanons based on her like little quotes?? I think it could be so funny!!! Maybe you could slot this in that window in alexandria of golden time??? Like when everything is calm before shit hits the fan and carl runs away and they meet Negan if you know what I mean??? I havent gone to the season Negan is in because I dont wanna *see you know what*

I do know @bakedcrispss, I follow them on my own blog, they are absolutely hilarious and I sincerely recommend anyone who hasn't checked them out but is into The Walking Dead check em out. Absolutely hysterical. There's so many funny quotes to choose from but I decided to choose this one. I'm not entirely sure how to source things but here is a link to their blog and of course this quote comes from them.

daryl: [ hands y/n a water bottle ]

y/n, drinking: thanks, but what's it for?

daryl: i heard from tara that you get thirsty around me.

y/n: [ chokes on the water ] 

And yeah I know what time you’re talking about and I get not wanting to see *you know what* It’s very sad but I do suggest you try and go past it, the series continues to be good. But if that’s where you decide to end it, hopefully I can help pad out that little golden time with an imagine. ---

Pronouns: Female!Reader, no mention of gender specific anatomical body parts. Warnings: Fluff, incredibly light angst? More like longing maybe? Nothing sad though. My attempt to write the way Daryl speaks is a warning in and of itself. Word Count: 2,473 ---

   Man, these beet root cookies were good, damn Carol knew how to bake and they were even pink and cute. Baking had never been your strong suit even before the world started eating itself. “You got more than one?” Was whined.    You looked over and smiled at Tara. “Perks of being one of the originals, extra cookies.” You teasingly sang, sticking the tip of your tongue out in glee of your cookie horde.    “I'll trade you some oatmeal mix that Denise made?” She pitches and you wrinkle up your nose as your answer and she sighs as she plops down beside you. “I know.” She agrees with your wrinkled face.    “Tobin is drowning in these, he's the guy you should try and corner. Dude's getting nothing besides cookies and kisses.” You remark.    “The dream.” She sighs.    “You've got oatmeal and...” You struggle to think of a word, you can practically feel your brain strain. “Optimism.” You settle offering a smile, she barks out a small laugh and looks at you with a raised brow. “You come up with something that starts with O.” You insist. “Also you are optimistic, you came over here hoping to trade oatmeal for a full fledged cookie.” You pointed out.    “I was hoping the love you have for me would get me a cookie.” She said looking at you with big eyes and you squint at her with yours. “You know silence hurts.” She teases making you giggle a little and shake your head. “Guess I'm not your type though.” She dramatically sighs.    “I don't even know my type, Tara.” You scoff.    It was her turn to squint at you. “I think everyone knows your type.”    “Enlighten me, maybe you'll get a cookie for it.”    “Brown hair, blue eyes, kinda brooding, incredibly greasy, handles a crossbow--don't--do not give me that confused look.” She insisted at the end. “Daryl.” She said exasperated.    “Yeah, you don't get a cookie.” You brushed off trying to hide your face.    “I most certainly do get a cookie, anyone here could get a cookie by answering that question.”    “We're friends and Daryl doesn't like me like that.”    “One, the question wasn't who likes you back it was who you like and commonly drool over and two, yes he does.” She scoffed at the end.    “I don't drool!” You gasped hitting her shoulder.    “Right, no drool cause you're too thirsty.” She teases back shoving her shoulder to yours.    You roll your eyes. “Yeah, I am thirsty, why don't you go get me a bottle of water to trade for a cookie?” You pitch trying to get off this subject and actually get some water, these cookies were great but a little dry.    “Fine.” She says getting up.    “No Dasani, get me the good stuff if you want an entire cookie.” You remind as she walks away.    She waves you off as she keeps walking and you continue to munch on your tiny dragons hoard of cookies, an entire three of them, Carol was quiet these days but this amount of cookies? Definitely a sign of love. Daryl brought you stuff too, since the beginning he's always brought you stuff...you sigh as you think about him, about all the time you've spent together over what are years now, how much you've been through together, how much you've both changed for the better...could your relationship ever change? So much in your lives had changed and just the thought made your nerves seize with a horrific mixture of excitement and fear. Excitement because who doesn't wanna be with the person they love? At the idea of going to bed together and waking up to them and than the horrifying fear that the wrong words could cause him to pull away from you, that would be the worst, you didn't even wanna think about that, no, no, no-- “You gonna take it or not?”    You almost jumped out of your skin as you came back from your thoughts to face the man they'd been about. “What?” Was all you managed.    “The water.” He said squinting at you in confusion as he once again shook it this time closer to your face.    “Oh, thanks, but what's it for?” You asked as you took it and took a sip.    “I heard from Tara you get thirsty 'round me.” You immediately choked out the water you were drinking. Fuck. Fuck. HE HEARD WHAT FROM

TARA?! “Whoa, whoa you alrigh'?!” He asked patting your back until your coughing stopped and you nodded in his direction. “You forget how'ta drink?” He teasingly scoffed.    “You leave me breathless.” You tease back as you try to get rid of the stinging in your throat with another sip of water.    “Stop.” He says as he sits down beside you and elbows you.    It's the exact same action Tara had done not five minutes ago but it makes you warm when he does it, it fills your heart and rouses a giggle from you. “Cookie?” You offer breaking it in half and offering it out to him.    “Thanks.” He says taking it from your hand and taking a bite.    “How many did you get? I got three, so far it seems to be a record and I appear to be the favourite.” You tease.    “I had four.”    “Fuck.”    He chuckles a little. “This's the first one I've had.” He lets you know.    “What're you throwing them away?”    “Carl asked for 'em, somethin' 'bout a date or somethin' with Enid.” He shrugged.    “Awe, Daryl that's cute.” You coo.    “Stop” He scoffs but you see the smile playing at the corner of his lips.    “Playing match-maker is giving a new meaning to those wings on your back, Cupid.” You can't help yourself. He rolls his eyes and looks at you annoyed but his corners give him away, you know you've got the wiggle room to keep bugging him. “Don't worry, I won't tell anyone your secret day job.” Once again the tip of your tongue finds it's way out between your teeth in glee of your own teasing.    If only you knew how far that smile got you, how that stupid cheeky smile of yours allowed you to tease him like no other. “So...why're you thirsty 'round me?”    You have to try with everything in your power not to cough up your cookie. “Oh-I-uh-I-I was trading a cookie for water with Tara, these are great but a little dry, I didn't know she was gonna get you to bring it over.” You stumble out. Sure, that's convincing enough, as long as you don't look at Daryl you can't know that he doesn't buy a single word out of your mouth. Solid plan. “I actually think this means she forfeits her cookie since you brought it and not her.” You point out trying to get off the subject. “You know she tried to trade that oatmeal mix Denise makes for one of these?” Even your laugh is a little tight.    He knows something's up, you're a decent liar so what was that? That was horrible, he'd never seen you lie so bad. “You think I bought one ounce of that bullshit?” He asked his face partially scrunching up in skepticism.    “Yeah I couldn't believe Tara thought I'd trade one of these for that oatmeal either. Real bullshit.” You avoid.    It clearly doesn't work as the skepticism on his face doesn't change until he grumbles out something with a shrug and takes another bite of the half of cookie you've given him. “Denise's oatmeal mix ain't that bad, looks like dog shit but it ain't half bad.” He points out.    “It's not bad but is it worth a cookie?” You point right back.    “Nah.” He agrees. “Why'd she wanna trade anyway? She not get one?”    “Tara got one, she's just jealous Carol loves me more and gave me three.” You say a little pridefully.    He chuckles a little and shakes his head at your delight, if that's one thing he's always liked it's how happy the little things have always made you. Whether it's him bringing you back a pen that happened to be your favourite colour or Carol giving you a cookie more than everyone else it always made you smile and over the years some days it felt like the only good in the world came from that smile. Not that he'd ever breathe a word about that. No, he'd make an ass outta himself trying to phrase that. “You gonna give it to her?”    The only thing you were planning on giving Tara was a deck over the head for telling Daryl 'you get thirsty around him.' “Maybe.” You settle on.    Things are quiet for a moment as you sit on the steps of your home, taking in the community that's around you, Daryl still feels out of place but having friends around helps him settle in enough to enjoy something as simple as this. “You gonna tell me

what she meant or am I gonna hav'ta out trade you with cookies?” He prods looking over at you.    Fuck. “That's cheating. That's abuse of power--no, no worse that is abuse of cookies.” You rush out shaking your head.    An amused breath makes it way out of him. “So you gonna or what?”    “How would Carol react if she knew you were using her cookies for evil?” You gasp.    “Probably laugh.”    Damn him, you know he's right, she'd probably arm him with more cookies. “It's just a dumb pun. You and me work up a sweat when we go out hunting together that's all she meant. Just a stupid pun, you know her jokes aren't that great.” You bluff.    That sounds like it makes sense but Daryl just doesn't buy the way you're selling this. “Why didn'tcha just say that?” He asks confused. What the Hell was going on with this 'thirsty' shit?    “I just realized it, it's such a bad joke it took me a minute.” Could you worm your way out of this? Maybe, there was a small light at the end of this tunnel that let you get through this without telling Daryl you were thirsting for him like a dehydrated fish. “I'm gonna go give her the cookie before she tries another terrible joke to get it.” The lights getting closer as you get up and he nods a little. “See you tomorrow? See if you can teach me to ride your bike?”    You don't want to give Daryl the idea you're running from him you just need to run away from this situation and it seems to work as he looks up at you and smiles a little. “I just got done tunin' it up and you wanna go and wreck it?” He teases.    “Words hurt Daryl, I only fell off once.” You gasp putting your hand over your heart.    “Yeah, sure, tell that to the dents I hammered out.” He scoffs.    “See you tomorrow.” You brush off as you turn around.    He grumbles under his breath but it's all lighthearted and you know it as you give a wave in his direction. He watches you leave and gives a small shake of his head, at least his bike is tuned up to run as good as it can so you're less likely to wipe out again. He finishes off the last bit of cookie before brushing off the crumbs on his pants. “Hey, Daryl.”    He looks over and gives a nod at Glenn who's also got a bottle of water and it gets him thinking again. “Hey, Glenn lemme ask you somethin'.”    “Yeah, sure man, what's up?” He asks as he takes a sip of water.    “Do I make you thirsty?”    Glenn coughs up his water the same way you had. “What?!” It's partial shock but mostly laughter.    “Ne'er mind.” Daryl grumbles as he gets up. He doesn't need to feel stupid for not getting this 'thirsty' bullshit.    “Wait, wait, wait.” Glenn says getting ahold of himself and reaching out to him. “Where'd you hear that phrase? I-I just need to be clued in.” He asks trying to keep his giggles in at Daryl using the word 'thirsty'. But God, that was funny.    “Tara said to get Y/N some water cause she gets thirsty 'round me, Y/N said it was just a bad joke, sure as Hell sounds like one.” Daryl explains bringing his thumb nail up to his mouth to chew on, something about this subject was starting to make him nervous.    “Ooooh.” Glenn nods as it all slides into place and again he has to desperately try not to laugh but a small chuckle makes it way out of him. “Man, Tara is dead.” He scoffs under his breath.    “Just tell me what the Hell is means.” Daryl says letting his hand drop from his mouth.    “It's uh-it's slang.” Glenn tries to explain keeping his giggle fit at bay the best he can with a deep breath. “It's when you find someone so hot they make you 'thirsty' like uh I'm thirsty for Maggie.” He explains as plainly as he can.    The annoyance is clear on Daryl's face, that slang is fuckin' stupid as far as he's concerned. “Wait.” He says as it dawns on him.    “Yeah.” Glenn confirms what Daryl's catching on too.    “Nah, that don't make sense.” Daryl denies.    “It makes sense dude.” Glenn scoffs. “You two could die of thirst beside the ocean.” He teases.    “Shut up.” Daryl barks.    Glenn knows Daryl's bark is worse than his bite when it comes to friends, the most danger he's in is

being shoved. “You asked to know.” He points out.    “That ain't how it is.” Daryl brushes off shaking his head.    “Yeah, sure. I'm gonna go quench my thirst and go see my wife.” Glenn nods with a wave as he starts to walk away. “I suggest you also quench your thirst.” He adds with a little too much glee for Daryl right now.    If he had a water bottle right now he'd quench Glenn's thirst by pegging him with it. Quench his thirst--quench his thirst?! Dumb ass, no good, fucking bullshit. That's all that was. Didn't make any Goddamn sense, he refused to have it make sense. No, no, no, no, no way in Hell. He went for a walk to clear his head of this junk but no matter how much he walked his head just kept going back to it...there was just no way you had feelings like that for him...right? His pacing was stopped by a loud. “Ow!”    He looked over to see you and Tara who was rubbing her head. “Your girlfriend is a doctor, you'll be fine.” You scoffed before walking off.    “Y/N wait up! Don't be mad please, come on.” Tara said chasing after you    'Man, Tara is dead.' Rang through his head...could it be true? ---

~Admin Coral. 🍒 Buy Me A Coffee?

[cryptidshuffle]

the less we say about it the better - chp 1

ao3

Rating: Teen Fandom: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman (pre relationship) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death(its benrey dont worry hes ok), meta about deaths and respawns, arguing about the rules of uno, gay pining, Mutual Pining, fellas is it gay to comfort ur friend who u love and are both boys?, also fair warning it'll eventually be a poly ship with benrey, Autistic Character, Autistic Tommy, ADHD Gordon, everyone is gay and trans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: “after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental break downs.” they are trying to recover after black mesa, but recovery is hard. especially when one of you is still dead

---------------

They had been out of Black Mesa for a few weeks now. It was difficult trying to acclimate to life after the incident, but they were all making it work.

The science team had gotten together for some sort of game night, something cathartic about being around others who share the same trauma. Anyways, snacks and Uno was just as chaotic as one would imagine with this group of chucklefucks, with competitive tensions high on the last round of the night.

“You can’t stack the draw 4 cards, Gordon,” Bubby argued, smacking Gordon’s hand just as he placed the card.

“Says who?”

“It’s literally against the fucking rules of the game,” Bubby said back.

Tommy agreed with, “It is in the official rules, Mr. Freeman, they- Mattel confirmed it on Twitter.”

“But that’s dumb!” Gordon argued back, “I’ve always played where you can stack those, why change that now?"

Bubby retorted, “Well maybe you’ve always been playing wrong, huh? Ever thought about that, smartass?”

Dr. Coomer chimed in with, “Well on the official page for Uno (card game) on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, it states that

The following official house rules are suggested in the Uno rulebook, to alter the game:

Progressive Uno: If a draw card is played, and the following player has the same card, they can play that card and "stack" the penalty, which adds to the current penalty and passes it to the following player.[4](Although a +4 cannot be stacked on a +2, or vice versa.)[6] This house rule is so commonly used that there was widespread Twitter surprise in 2019 when Mattel stated that stacking was not part of the standard rules of Uno.[6]”

“Well, there you have it,” Gordon exclaims, interrupting Coomer’s Wikipedia infodump, “Just because it’s a house rule doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate way of playing."

“What if I don’t want to play with that rule, that’s fuckin stupid,” Bubby grumbles.

“Jesus ok, I'll play a different card, happy?” Gordon says dejectedly, taking back his controversial draw 4 card for a more innocuous one. “It’s your turn anyways.”

Bubby throws down his last card onto the pile. “I win fuckers!!!! Ahahahahaha!"

“You wouldn’t have won if you let me stack the fucking cards,” Gordon said as he threw his losing card pile onto the coffee table.

“Don’t fret Gordon! Bubby is just extremely good at card games,” Dr. Coomer replied.

“You're forgetting I’m a goddamn genius, that extends to my sick-ass Uno skills,” Bubby bragged.

Gordon chuckled, watching the two older scientists get up to leave, and watching Tommy remain, quietly cleaning up the uno deck into neat piles to place in its box.

“Well gentlemen, it’s been fun, though I think it’s time Bubby and I better get going!” Dr. Coomer said.

“No problem, don’t want you two to be late for your old man early-bird breakfast at Golden Corral tomorrow!” Gordon teased.

“Shut the fuck- I’ll kick your ass,” said Bubby.

“Hello Gord- Actually our old man breakfast is not until Saturday! It’s the one day a week I let loose and unhinge my jaws at the buffet like a Burmese Python!” said Dr. Coomer as Bubby grabs his coat and keys.

“That sounds absolutely horrifying,” Gordon laughs.

“It really is,” says Bubby. “Well, see you later asshole,” Bubby says, herding himself and Coomer out the front door.

“See you guys later,” Gordon says.

“Goodbye, Gordon! Goodbye, Tommy,” Coomer also says, before they leave Gordon’s apartment.

Tommy had yet to get up to leave, he stayed sitting in his seat staring into space, and fiddling with the Uno card deck.

“Hey Tommy, you alright man?” he asked gently. At the mention of his name, he was shaken a bit out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah I'm fine Mr. Freeman, why do you ask?”

“I mean you were kinda just staring into space for a bit, and you didn’t say anything when Bubby and Coomer left.”

“Oh shit. Sorry about that, I’ll get out of your hair,” Tommy said, starting to move to leave.

Gordon placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, if something’s bothering you, just know I’m here if you wanna talk about it,” Gordon comforted.

Tommy blushed slightly at the contact and nodded.

“Thank you. I-uh… I’ve just been thinking about things that happened back in Black Mesa and, you know,” he pauses to think for a bit, and sighs, “honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about Benrey.”

Just at the mention of him, Gordon felt his stomach drop with the weight of too many emotions.

“Yeah...I uh… I understand,” he responds with a sad sigh, “anything in particular you’re thinking about him?”

“I don’t know just kind of- Earlier I started thinking about how much he would enjoy game night. And then I started to miss him and realize that- that he’s not here. I feel guilty about killing him and upset at what he did. He was still my friend and I just- I want to know why he did what he did. I just want to understand,” Tommy said.

Gordon looked away as he thought about his own emotions regarding Benrey. He was undeniably angry with him, for getting him ambushed by the bootboys, for getting his arm cut off, frustrated with the constant taunting. Yet… he also felt guilty for some reason and he couldn’t quite place why. Gordon really didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Yeah…” Gordon sighed, “I'll be honest I do feel guilty about it too. I don’t know why because I feel like it should be justified since he did try to kill us. But there were times when him pestering me about my arm felt like… like sincere questioning? I still… I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I think-” Tommy cut himself off, staring at a fixed point in his vision, trying to decide whether or not to bring this up.

“I don’t think Benrey understood how human mortality worked.”

Well, that wasn’t what Gordon expected. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he was from Xen, Mr. Freeman, he wasn’t human. It was different for him. You remember he did die several times, but he came back eventually. He had to wait for his form to regenerate.”

“Wait-” this time Gordon cut Tommy off, “Oh shit, that wasn’t a joke?  For some reason I just assumed his talking about respawns and shit was part of his Epic Gamer bit?”

“I mean it was a little but I think… there’s probably a reason Benrey attached himself to video games so much, yeah? He can see himself in the structure. Like, uh- something he can relate to.” Tommy says. “It doesn’t excuse what- what he did, but I feel like knowing why things happened makes- makes them more understandable.”

Gordon leaned back on the couch blown away by the revelation. In hindsight it wasn’t that surprising but it took him a few seconds to come to terms with the reality.

“Yeah, when you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Wait though, I swear to god all of you have died at least once, but you guys aren’t from Xen?” Gordon said, now confused about the seeming metanarrative of the mortality of his friends.

“Yeah, but those were weird Black Mesa things, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, not elaborating any more than that.

Gordon waited a beat for Tommy to explain more but he said all he needed to.

“I will ask you more about that later, but I do not have the energy to unpack all that right now,” Gordon said with a gentle laugh.

“Wait, getting back on topic real quick, why couldn’t Benrey just... respawn now? Did we really get him that good?”

Tommy looked incredibly sad when Gordon said this, and he regretted it immediately.  ‘Damn it Gordon, Tommy’s clearly upset about Benrey, you don’t gotta be an insensitive dick.’

“Well Mr. Freeman, that’s kinda why I’ve been thinking about him,” Tommy said, “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to respawn. Depending on the amount of damage it takes longer but… It’s been a while and what if- What if he is back but he is mad at all of us and that’s why we haven’t seen him? Or what if it is taking a really long time because we hurt him a whole lot. Or what if we…”

Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. For an instance Gordon felt as if making a sound would shatter the air like glass.

Tommy finally said with a whisper, voice thick with choking back tears, “What if we killed him for good? And I don’t- I never see him again?”

It honestly broke Gordon’s heart how distraught Tommy was. Pushing his own complicated Benrey feelings aside, he was gonna focus on Tommy here and now.

“…Tommy, is it ok if I hug you, man?” Gordon couldn’t think of the best way to comfort the other man with words, but physical comfort he could do.

Tommy looked a little surprised at this ask but nodded. Gordon leaned in to hug the other scientist and Tommy collapsed in his embrace, completely breaking down.

Gordon just sat there and held him as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder, trying to comfort the crying man by rubbing circles into his back.

Gordon’s brain processed the things Tommy had said. Was Benrey really gone? Why did he feel guilty about the idea of having killed Benrey, he was fine with the concept during the final boss fight on Xen but now… the thought made him feel… sad? Regretful? Even his seemingly rational justifications didn’t seem as clear at the moment, only thinking of his fonder memories with Benrey.

‘Fuck this,’ he thought as he felt his own tears well up, ‘this isn’t about me, I need to focus on being there for Tommy,’ pushing his own feelings to the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

Tommy eventually calmed down enough where his sobs turned into sniffles, and he started to pull away from the hug.

“S – sorry for having a – a breakdown on your- on your couch Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, the post-crying mental fog making his stuttering more noticeable. Tommy didn’t really have the effort in him to care.

“Don’t worry about it, man, after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental breakdowns,” Gordon joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that was nothing, Mr. Freeman, in terms of mental breakdowns that was as mild as a first-grade pizza party in the eye of a hurricane,” Tommy compared in a way that made little sense to Gordon, yet ridiculous enough to cause the man to burst out laughing.

“Alright I’ll take your word for it,” Gordon said, still laughing.

“I’m serious Mr. Freeman, once you have a meltdown so intense that you accidentally teleport yourself to an inter-dimensional void, the rest is a cake walk at the school fair,” Tommy said.

“Waitwaitwait- teleport?” he leaned back to look at him in surprise, “Since when could you fuckin teleport!” Gordon asked caught off guard.

“You know, learned some things from my Dad,” Tommy said, again failing to further explain himself.

“…Well alright. Yeah that tracks.”

Gordon was quiet for a moment before responding with, “You know, Tommy, I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to. You were there for me when I was at my lowest in Black Mesa, and I wanna be that friend to you if you need it,” he said giving the other scientists hand a comforting squeeze.

Tommy smiled, “Thank you, that means a lot Mr. Freeman.”

“You know you can call me Gordon, you don’t have to be so formal all the time Dr. Coolatta,” he teased.

Tommy blushed, ‘dammit why did he have to be so cute?’

“Wow Mr. Fr – Gordon are you really gonna make fun of my doctorate that I worked very hard for,” Tommy teased back, still a bit sniffly from crying.

“Dude, I cannot imagine you in college for some reason, what was your doctorate even in” asked Gordon, semi-jokingly, but still a bit serious.

Tommy laughed a bit, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of his hand. “Bio-chemical engineering. Creating Sunkist was for my thesis project.” Normally Tommy would be more then willing to infodump about the topic but he found his energy to be draining fast.

“What the fuck, that’s cooler than mine was. Us nerds in the Theoretical Physics department didn’t do any crazy shit like that,” Gordon said.

“Bold of you to assume I was a nerd, G-Gordon. I was the craziest guy in the frat house,” Tommy said.

Gordon’s memory vaguely recalls Tommy’s insistence that he “do something crazy” when drinking Darnold’s Potion of Grow Gun Arm.

“You know what, yeah, surprisingly I can see that image vividly in my head,” Gordon said. “Real talk though…” he said changing the subject and putting his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, “Are you- uh, ok? Like feeling better?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, eyes flickering down to look at his fidgeting hands in his lap, before replying with, “I’m ok. N-not great, I don’t think, but I will be.”

Gordon nodded. “Tommy, if there’s one nugget of wisdom that I have to share, it’s that healing takes time, things usually turn out to be ok in the end. No matter what’s going on with Benrey…it'll be alright, I’m sure.” Gordon patted his shoulder for emphasis, ��not the best advice out there but it’s the best I can come up with straight off the dome. And I don’t wanna seem like I didn’t try to help you out."

Tommy laughed gently, “Thank you Mr. Fr- uh, thank you Gordon. You did help. Even if- if your advice was a bit cheesy.”

“Whatever man, you can’t blame me for trying,” Gordon laughed, playfully shoving Tommy where his hand had previously rested on the other man’s shoulder. Tommy laughed in return. He only noticed the warmth of Gordon’s touch once it was gone.

Tommy absentmindedly noticed the time on the wall clock in Gordon’s apartment. Jesus, 11:30? When did it get so late? The older scientist really hoped he wasn’t overstaying his welcome; While he would love to just stay here and joke around, he had already bothered Mr. Freeman enough and was already exhausted.

“I- I’m probably gonna head back home now, I didn’t realize how late it was,” Tommy said, standing up from his spot next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. He had the passing thought of offering for Tommy to stay but… maybe that was a step too far. ‘Tommy probably wants his space,’ Gordon rationalized to himself.

He nodded, “Alright, don’t let me keep you,” he said, getting up as well to help Tommy gather his belongings. Which, to be honest Tommy didn’t bring much but some snacks for the group, but Gordon just needed an excuse to do anything.

Gordon walked Tommy to the front door of his apartment, like the good host he was, opening the door for him.

“Thanks for coming over Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “Thank- thank you again for letting me talk about Benrey, I know it was kinda rough there at the end, but if you ever need to talk about anything… I'm here for you as well.”

Gordon smiled, “Thank you Tommy, I'll keep that in mind.”

Tommy smiled in return, “Have a good night G-Gordon,” he said turning to head to his car.

“Goodnight Tommy.” Gordon turns to head back inside, but before he does, he can’t resist one more jab.

“Thought you could teleport?” he calls out teasingly.

Tommy flips him off, which causes Gordon to laugh harder. “Gives me a headache,” Tommy called back, trying and failing keep a straight face.

Gordon laughs as he waves a final goodbye, turning back inside and closing the door after Tommy waves as well. His thoughts race as he gets ready for bed, trying to ignore his fluttering heartbeat as he lays down for the night.

Tommy shuffles his thoughts in his head as he drives home. The emotional rollercoaster of his already draining social interaction meter from the science team, his Benrey guilt, and his small crush on Gordon was just too much for one day. His hands clench and unclench the steering wheel, looking forward to collapsing in bed for the night, hoping his dad won’t notice he'd been crying.

Somewhere, in an interdimensional void far away from this reality, someone begins to shift awake.

[joy1579]

the RFA reacting to MC listening to creepy pasta

I’ll admit its been a while since i listened to any new creepypasta so these are pretty old ones but i figured since they arent mine and i dont really name them in most cases i should like them  jumin - russian sleep experiment yoosung - rapid blink (a my little pony grim dark fanfiction) saeyoung - the man who ate newborns zen -  mr. widemouth  and  dear abbey jaehee - to be honest i cant remember this ones title it was really good and i cant find it anymore so if anyone knows it send it my way cuz i only heard it once at a live reading at sanjapan I’d love to hear it again though

Jumin 

·        You were listening while knitting in his home office

·        He was working at his desk and paying no attention to the voice playing from your phone

·        Absently he comments that the piano background music was pleasant

·        You smile because of course that’s the part he notices.

·        As the story goes on you two sit in amicable silence listening to the story

·        Then a sickening crunch rings through the air and you see Jumin grimace out of the corner of your eye

·        “darling? Was that your story?”

·        “huh? Oh yes it was.”

·        “that sounded sickening” and indeed he was a little pale though you may have missed it if you didn’t know him so well

·        You tried to stifle your laugh “yeah I think it was supposed to be the character’s arm being crushed.”

·        “what?”

·        “you weren’t listening to the story were you?”

·        “I listened to the music”

·        “here you should listen to this next one it’s my favorite.” You said moving to sit in his lap as you began the next video

·        “its about this scientific experiment, where they locked people up and didn’t let them sleep. Eventually they end up going crazy. They mutilate and cannibalize themselves, super creepy.” You explained excitedly

·        He looked at you concerned for a moment before speaking

·        “is this what you were discussing with my new assistant yesterday before we went to lunch”

·        “yes! Actually she’s even more into it than I am she gave me some good suggestions.”

  Yoosung

·        “Puppy? I’m gonna run to the convenience store real quick okay?”

·        He leaned back in his computer chair to look at you upside down as you stood behind him

·        “okay MC! oh if they have honey”

·        “I know yoosungie I’ll grab you some if they have them!” you said leaning over him to kiss his nose “love you. I’ll be back soon.”

·        You grabbed your purse and headed out the door

·        A few minutes after you had left Yoosung noticed you had left you phone

·        Picking it up he noticed the quiet words that came from the headphones

·        Curious he put on the headphones and began to listen

·        It was a fanfiction. He recognized the characters from a show you watched every Saturday.

·        A cute reboot of a cartoon from your childhood hi figured the story would follow the same plotlines of friendship and togetherness

·        But as he listened it took a darker turn

·        The main character was trapped, stuck with no resources aside from the occasional clone of herself that spawned into whatever hellscape she was trapped in

·        Yoosung was horrified listening to the story describe how the broken and desperate character would slaughter her clone to build necessities in a hopeless search for escape.

·        By the time you got back he was in tears hugging your plush version of the character

·        You rushed to comfort him and saw what he had listened to

·        “oh puppy I’m so sorry I didn’t think you’d listen to my grimdark fiction!

·        “why do YOU listen to it?!? I thought you liked that show because it was cute!”

·        “I do! It’s so cute. But I like the horror stories to. The contrast is, it’s fun.” You explained gently combing your fingers through his hair

·        “it actually makes me think of you puppy” you say absently as you feel him starting to calm down

·        “what?!?!?!” he cried shooting up from your arms in an instant

·        “well your so cute and I love that your cute, but you can also be tough like when you went to the hacker’s headquarters for me. Your cute and manly, like that show is cute and can be scary. Your everything I love.” You explained

 Saeyoung 

-        He knew you liked creepy pasta he had seen your YouTube history

-        What he didn’t know was that you had it downloaded on your phone to listen to as you fell asleep

-        So when the silence of Rikas apartment is broken by the squeal of car breaks and shattering glass he was justifiably terrified

-        He was busting through the bedroom door to check on you

-        But all he saw was you halfway off the bed mid lunge for your phone

-        he watched you finish your tumble to the floor fumbling with your phone to stop the story that was playing

-        You looked embarrassed and a little sleep addled

-        “Sorry I thought I took that one out of my playlist”

-        He stood stock still for a moment

-        “I didn’t mean to scare you sorry! It should have been deleted its way to loud I think I did something wrong when I downloaded it.”

-        “what? MC was that your phone?” he asked confused

-        “yeah its um it’s the, the story where the guy tries to kidnap the new born but gets in a car crash, hence you know the um screech crash clang. Sorry”

-        His back hit the wall and he slid to the floor wearily

-        “MC you’re going to be the death of me”

-        “um I, I got it off my playlist this time.” You offer “I think.” You add under your breath

-        He held out his hand to you and you sheepishly placed you phone in his hands quickly he tapped away before handing your phone back to you

-        “thanks” you say softly crawling to sit beside him on the floor

-        “so living with a bomb, and being hunted by a hacker isn’t spooky enough for you? You’ve gotta listen to scary stories too?” he asked tiredly

-        “well the bomb and the hacker, they aren’t scary if you’re here. I mean even if the worst happens I think it would be okay cuz I got to meet you”

-        He groaned and let his head fall to his knees

-        “you really are going to kill me aren’t you” he said as you saw his ears turn pink

 Zen

-        Zen thought You were adorable literally just the cutest thing possible

-        That’s why he was shocked when one of his cast member who was a big horror fan mentioned a scary internet story and you immediately jumped into the conversation

-        “mr. creepypasta? Or creepypasta jr. ?” you asked

-        “Oh mr. creepypasta! I didn’t think you’d listen to creepypasta which ones your favorite?” the cast member asked

-        “nothing beats “MR.Widemouth” for me gotta love a monster that tries to make you do his dirty work for him”

-        “oh definitely but I like “dear Abby” myself that one is chilling

-        You spent the rest of the shoot chatting with him quietly at the far side of the studio so you two didn’t disturb the shooting

-        Zen had to admit it was getting to him

-        You were HIS girlfriend why didn’t he know about this interest of yours.

-        And why were you so happily chatting with another guy about it

-        He confronts you on the way home

-        “I knew you weren’t into it Zenny it’s not a big deal”

-        “you talked to him all day MC. you know I’d listen to you right? Even if it’s not my thing why didn’t you tell me?”

-        “here how about we do a spa night tonight and I’ll show you my favorite so you don’t feel left out next time”

-        He chuckled and kissed your temple

-        “well I can’t turn down my princess can I”

-        So that night you ran a bath for the both of you

-        You leaned against his chest and each did a facemask as you queued up the playlist on your phone

-        You could feel him tense at every sound effect and could hear him grimace at the stories more gruesome details

-        You chuckled a bit before saying “zenny you don’t have to listen to them you know”

-        “just, why are they all so dark?”

-        “because that’s the point their supposed to be spooky”

-        He tried he really did. He listened until you two where drying off after the relaxing soak

-        He sighed dejectedly “you were right jagi it really isn’t my thing” he said as he toweled your hair dry

-        “but you tried and that means so much to me babe” you said leaning up to steal a kiss from him

 Jaehee

-        She knew about them but she wasn’t a fan of horror

-        So she had never paid any attention to those videos as she browsed the internet

-        And she certainly didn’t expect to walk into the café one morning before opening to you pulling a cake out of the oven and listening to a deep voice graphically describing a head wound

-        “MC what on earth are you listening to?”

-        “it’s a creepypasta!” you chirped brightly

-        “those scary stories from youtube” she questioned further as she made her way around the counter

-        “yeah in this one this guys tries to cure his depression but cutting out a chunk of his own brain”

-        “that’s awfull” she exclaimed

-        “well yeah. It doesn’t end to well for him either”

-        “of course not!” She said shaking her head as she tied her apron on to help you prepare to open the café.

-        The day went on fairly normally but as you closed she turned to you

-        “that story, it’s not true.”

-        You looked at her a little confused before nodding “of course not”

-        “no one could survive that” she muttered to herself

-        “no one” you agreed growing more puzzled by the second

-        “how could people even come up with something so awful” she asked you setting a broom to the side

-        “I don’t know? Jaehee are you okay?” you ask looking her in the eyes

-        “I, yes MC I’m fine. The details in that story simply shook me up I suppose”

-        You were careful from then on about listening to your stories only with headphones

-        Jaehee wasn’t weak by any stretch of the imagination, but if something made her uncomfortable than you weren’t going to push it.

-        You loved her after all

[creed-of-cats]

Seasons of Fear Notes

- Paul Mcgann describing new years night in 1930s Singapore while drinking tea in a fancy hotel garden and reading newspapers to the light of the fireworks is AESTHETIC and I am HERE for it

-"Hmm!"

"HhmMMM!"

I love these two idiots

-"I assume you did your usual act of playing the fool and making him talk."

"Do I do that?"

"I...uh always assumed you did?"

"Oh :("

ASSFJFKDJDINE WILL CHARLIE EVER STOP ROASTING EIGHT?

"My death must have been extremely unsatisfying."

"Yes, do look on the bright side." I think she laughed while saying this haha

Pffft Charley's listing off ways to brutally murder him and eight just sighs "charleeyyy"

"You're just in time for the bloodbath"

"Story of my life!" EIGHT WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

-"And people disappear up those staircases" *launches into zagreus rhyme* zagreus is NOT giving me good vibes ohhhh boy

-"You learn to notice such details when you're use to the bitchiness of timelord society" ASGFJFJF IM WHEEZING

-CHARLEY GOT POISONED SHIT

-"now can we drop him into a volcano?" charley I love you so much

-"It's the most wonderful thing about Lady Time, how nothing's constant, how everything decays and changes." This entire monologue is giving me a lot of Doctor Who Feels(tm) because the whole nature of the show is change, and even though our young Eight sees it as a good thing now, time will take away everything dear to him and he won't call it beautiful anymore.

(Also scherzo feels because nothing changed in there. Always scherzo feels one way or another gah)

-"Grayell never changes, Not inside, not who he is. So time piles on top of him and kills everything good" aaand Big Finish did Ashildr/Lady Me before the show did too, huh.

-"Sorry I was soliloquizing, filthy habit" HSHDUDNI YOU CAN'T THROW A JOKE IN THERE RIGHT AFTER ALL THAT

-Pfft they got caught dragging grayell's body around and Eight is like "Umm...this doesn't look good, does it" ASGHDJDJ WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

-"Well cheer up, Look there's a mouse! :)"

"I am deeply cheered -_-"

I laughed outloud, these two oh my god.

"She's just mad that I left her at the alter." HOW MANY TIME AM I GOING TO REPEAT EIGHT WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

-"The most beautiful woman in all of England...probably?" This story is definitely adding fuel to the Ace!doctor headcanon

-"I should have thumped you harder!" Charley Is so indignant haha

-ok Edith and Edward are cute in a "there-is-no-body-else-i-would-conquer-all-of-england-with" and "you-are-the-only-one-able-to-manipulate-people-as-well-as-me" kind of way

-also I love all the references to how wily and tricky Eight is, get me those eldritch trickster god vibes

-Eight being so worried about wanting to kill Grayell is ironic considering his last two incarnations lol, also crying in the club because of time war eight.

it's strange how he is desperately trying to attach himself to the idea of the doctor, a bit like his future incarnations after the war. But I guess the identity crisis would be valid considering how this incarnation started, and how often he loses his memory

-Ok, but Paul Mcgann in a fancy old english dress would look great. Cmon

-"Hey, Bats, great!" Eight is like a disney princess oh my god sibdjdnd

-"last time we tried that we ended up manacled to the wall" lol yeah eight dont you remember?? Jesus christ, without Charlie you'd get more fucked up then usual

-"My daughter Charlotte Pollard" EIGHT YALL LOOK THE SAME AGE YOU DUMBASS

-"I can make this stuff up all day, I've read a lot of Jane Austen" we stan Charlie's taste in books

-this is the most passive aggressive conversation I've seen ever seen in big finish

-"witH STYLE!" EIGHT WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

-of course Eight would get in a 19th century duel and almost stab himself right before

-Lowkey shipping Lucy and Charlie

-"If I hold this sword to your throat long enough the years will exact their rightful toll, do want to know how it feels like to be 1400 years old?" Eight being quietly terrifying is my JAM

-cue "whats that in your hand" "A knife!" "NO" vine

-EIGHT THATS NOT THE PROPER REACTION TO GETTING STABBED MULTIPLE TIMES

-he wouldn't dream of leaving her behind and I'm getting charlie and eight feels gahhhhh

-"I think you've gotten fatter as a species since I've last seen you" EIGHT SHUT UP

-"Everybody's calling me a coward today" he is so offended pffffft

-DID HE REALLY JUST THROW HIMSELF IN THE TIME VORTEX DOCTOR NO, WHY

-"The butterfly colors of the vortex" of course this makes you think of butterflies

-"i could feel them wanting to pull my psyche apart and sacrifice me on the alter of time" well that's horrifying and eloquent

-daw Charley talking about the doctor smelling like honey and stuff is cute

-Lucy is great and I love her

-baby grayell is surprisingly cute and wholesome

-"Are you quite finished talking to yourself" GSIDNDIE YOU CANT SAY JACKSHIT ABOUT THAT DOCTOR AND YOU KNOW IT

-"pray to whatever gods you have" "I do that every day" ??? Does he mean Lady Time and/or Death??? The universe itself???

-"Some of them as memories, some of them as stories, some of them as dreams" interesting within the context of all the timey wimey bullshit with the Year that Never Happened and a bunch of other timeline shit

-wait he was just talking about cow puns why is there a creepy deep voice shaming the doctor

-is it the timelords ??

-wait what what what WHAT

-Ok well I'm fucking terrified wHAT, CHARLIE ARE YOU OK?

-CHARLIE ???!!!

-NOO, LUCY

-this audio was very entertaining and gives me a lot of feelings, I well definitely be relistening at some point

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 21 - The PTSD is strong with this one & we need more braincells

Hello hello! Welcome to the commentary. How’s everyone? I’m frozen solid because it’s mid-June in Spain and yet we had 11°C yesterday. Fucking awesome!

I AM NOT WEARING MASCARA SO I CAN CRY ALL I WANT. I DONT KNOW IF THATS GOOD OR BAD THO.

Can I just take a second to appreciate how much this big strong powerful men emote? I mean, I know this isn’t western media where the tough guy can’t show emotions, and I don’t know that eastern media has the same hangups about men emoting but just... it’s so refreshing.

Huaisang bb you’re so sweet.

Oh, oh the PTSD is strong with this one.

Also, bless both JC and NHS, they absolutely noticed WWX flinch and, in their own ways, went and steamrolled over it so WWX wouldn’t feel scrutinised.

WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST TO INFORM YALL THAT I GOT A KITTEN ON MY LAP. (She’s kneading my boob, which, ow, but...)

*BICHEN GRIIIIIIIP*

How do y’all think the guards go deliver bad news to WRH? Like do they paper-rock-scissor it? Draw straws?

NMJ did you have to?

And once again I wonder what would’ve happened if JFM had let sect leader Yao kick it.

Ughvhfnevus it’s this clown. Same as with Su She, if you see a bunch of screaming it’s just me not wanting to listen to Jin ZiXun.

The Nies: let’s throw a banquet to honour WWX’s return

Every asshole there: *gossips about WWX while in the room with him*

Once again I wish I could transmigrate (and speak mandarin lol) and just start delivering tongue lashings.

Listen, I have no idea how to play Guqin, but I did play the guitar for years and even from here I can see how much YiBo’s hands don’t match the melody. Nothing against him but why does this always happen? I know they got classes, so was the music not written by that time or something? Because one thing is not hitting the correct notes, another is plucking slow notes when the tempo is much faster.

JC: Since yours and LWJ’s unhappy separation...

My dumbass: do you mean breakup? *eyebrow waggle*

You will pry my “JC knows his brother is pinning after LWJ, he probably doesn’t want to know anything else” hc out of my cold dead hands thankyouverymuch.

WWX: *spouts a bunch of misdirection to avoid giving JC a straight answer*

JC: Bull-fucking-shit.

Should I count how many times WWX PTSDs all over the place or would you like me to leave your hearts intact? That’s two so far.

Ok ok, I feel that, if someone with a bit less trauma and a bit of insight (NHS maybe?) had seen the bit where ChenQing fucking hurts Shijie thing would’ve gone differently. I mean, yes, LWJ keeps warning WWX that this shit is gonna fuck him up, but as I said in my previous commentary LWJ also has the communication skills of a hermit crab so that wouldn’t work, and JC would be too wound up and WWX too busy trying to conceal his lack of golden core for that conversation to go anywhere. But if someone who WWX knows is a good egg (I’m not gonna say trusts bc paranoia) had sat him down and told him “your new instrument that you use for your new form of cultivation just hurt the person you love most please be careful when you use it.” I think it would’ve worked wonders towards his health overall.

I know Shijie says it’s like Zidian, but she’s not working with the fact that this thing is made for and by the Dark Side of the Force and I’m sorry but I can’t help but see ChenQing as a bit of a horrocrux almost. Or like, if you like me think the Burial Mounds is an Entity, something that’s a bit more sentient that it lets on.

Speaking of reputations and NHS being a good egg, I have oh-so-many ideas (I won’t say plot bunnies because I can’t write for shit) in which NHS for Reasons (time-travel? Letter from the future? His massive brain?) realises just how much damage WWX is doing to his public image. And he might be a sheltered dandy, but he saw what being the son of a sex worker did to Meng Yao despite how hard he worked (I’m assuming he doesn’t know about the whole betrayal business). This is way fucking worse, like hell is he going to let one of his best friends paint a target on his back. So he pulls back his sleeves, engages his slytherin brain and proceeds to lay down a plan to throughly destroy WWX’s reputation as a powerful genius.

I’m guessing LWJ and JC protest, and maybe WWX, and NHS just hits them with “do you want him respected or alive?” And they shut tf up. He glues himself to WWX, and brings up as many instances in which their behaviour can be compared as he can (we got drunk and punished at cloud recesses, we slept in class, we skipped to go fishing, I don’t carry my sword either). And, because assholes be assholes, people like Sect Leader Yao or Clown Cousin are quick to start spouting their own derogatory bullshit and thus WWX the untamed powerful prodigy dies a fiery death. Now he’s just a mouthy kid with a quick mind that “does tricks instead of battle” (I’ll never get bored of using that Thor quote). I also like to think that people who personally know WWX and are not pieces of shit go give NHS a tongue lashing for messing with what they thought was his friend, NHS takes that as a test of good eggness and bring them into the plan. Soon the whole Cloud Recesses class is swearing up, down, left, right and centre that all the shit WWX has ever successfully pulled is just an insane amount of luck and quick thinking.

I don’t know how would they work him into the battlefield (disguise? Mask?) to unleash his demonic cultivation but that’s Plot and I don’t do that.

Also, because I’m a terrible human being I want to say that people assume LWJ is on “pretty but useless” WWX like white on rice because *insert derogatory comment about being good in bed and sexual favours*. Because y’all know the assholes here are Like That. And WWX is horrified because holy fucking shit he’s gonna drag LWJ’s reputation down, he can’t have people thinking HGJ is ok with having him as a concubine pretty much. But before he can act LWJ politely all but confirms that yeah, he’s tapping that, y’all wish you were but he doesn’t share and none of y’all are good enough for his Wei Ying anyway. CUE FAKE/PRETEND RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I AM INDEED TRASH FOR THAT TROPE.

Muahahahaha y’all thought I was gonna devolve into my personal hcs and not include my fave trope? Shouldn’t y’all know me better by now?

(Btw I like this bit ^ so I might polish it a little and post it separately as well, just a warning if you find yourself reading an eerily similar post by me)

WuJi is playing and LWJ is pining so much. Also, if LWJ did not just realise that, just like Yu the Great, WWX had no other option but tame resentful energy I’ll eat my blanket.

I refuse to believe Jiang Yanli didn’t become the unofficial war camp therapist/sounding board/only sane person/everyone’s mum/I just need a hug and a corner to cry in peace. There are not enough fics about Shijie being her gentle BAMF self while in the camp and it’s a pity. My crops are dying y’all!

Also, I will fight anyone who scoffs at Shijie being the epitome of the “gentle woman who cooks and waits for the men to come back from war”. Look at her mum, do you think it is easy for a kid (she was a kid in the flashback when WWX ran away) to see that day in and day out, to have that as a “role model” and decide that she was not going to be like her mum? That she didn’t like what she saw in her so she was going to be kind and gentle? And do you think it is easy for a person barely in their twenties to deal with years of verbal and psychological abuse for again, being gentle and kind, and not grow a hard shell of bitterness to protect themselves? And to keep being gentle and kind while at war, with your parents dead and your siblings unraveling before your very eyes? Shijie is so fucking strong and I love her.

Hey look, the White Walkers!

“Resentful energy is just energy” ok, valid. But my dude, you’ve got black ghost smoke coming out of you and can hear people screaming in your head. I’m not saying it is evil, like someone’s uptight set in his ways arrogant uncle; but it sure as shit ain’t healthy.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s a Clown Cousin scream btw)

Ok ok, just one little thing: IF SOMEONE ELSE CALLS WWX WEI YING AS A SHOW OF DISRESPECT IMMA SCALP THEM.

...are those crows eating that man alive? Yikes on bikes.

(Assume my comment about YiBo’s Guqin playing also goes for Xiao Zhan and his flute. I can’t play the flute but the tempo doesn’t match his fingers)

I’m just gonna say it, I think 3zun (well, 2zun as of now) suspect shit went down badly for WWX, that’s two questions by both of them in a very soft conciliatory tone. They are genuinely interested/worried about the topic, and don’t seem to come off as chiding or judgemental. I mean WWX is a weirdo irreverent kid and they’re sect leaders, they outrank him so much it’s ridiculous. I’m also counting the fact that both their baby brothers like him towards them being so kind. But I also think WWX just triggers all their big brother instincts the second he walks in.

Oh there’s a thought, Shijie, Wen Qing, NMJ and LXC take a look at everyone’s shitty parents and just decide to adopt everyone.

What happened at Yiling was a traumatised teenager (is WWX even 20?) PTSDing all over the place with the Dark Side of the Force whispering in his ear and an all powerful trinket at his disposal. Not saying I approve of all the torture and murder but he clearly isn’t revelling in them.

That is some outstanding bit of big-brothering on LXC’s side and I love it. Also, my dumbass just realised LWJ probably wasn’t quoting WWX when he was being punished (what is white what is black?) I think he was quoting his big brother. Which is magnitudes deep too, but in a different direction and I might love that scene even more.

Ok fuck it, I’m gonna tangent. So I had a terrible boyfriend when I was 15-18. He alienated me from my friends, sunk my self-esteem to the molten core of the earth, tried to convince me my parents were abusive and encouraged (aka threatened manipulated and cajoled) the slow tanking of my high school marks. I have A Problem when I see media where someone latches onto their significant other and everything they are shifts towards that person. Now, love, true genuine love, is powerful, and I believe it can be the catalyst for shifting your world-view for the better. I don’t have a problem with that. I don’t have a problem with people sticking with their romantic partner if it is clear their previous “family” is so much shit. I don’t have a problem with LWJ coming out of his shell and defying corrupt precepts because his love for WWX made them see they were wrong, or getting sassy and unrepentant during his punishment (I have a problem with the punishment bc that’s abuse but...). But I do side-eye WangXian being the only thing in their orbit. People need people, and WangXian have other good people around them. So I kind of love that yes, WWX showed him the system was corrupt, but it is the words of his brother he is sticking by to the defy said system.

Let’s go back to our scheduled slew of held pinning glances shall we?

LXC after That awkward run-in: WangJi I wasn’t gone that long, what the fuck did you two oblivious pining idiots do?

(LXC has “bitching” tea sessions with Shijie and you can’t convince me otherwise)

LWJ: *is being dramatic and not knocking on WWX’s door*

Me: oh my god you fucking idiot

Shijie: *walks in*

Me: oh thank god someone with a braincell.

Ah yes, there we go triggering WWX’s paranoia again. Why would he get a break.

OH MY GOD YOU PAIR OF FUCKING IDIOTS. THATS IT, FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT.

@ LWJ: bitch wtf was that? I know you’re shit at talking but have you thought about writing it down? Letters anyone? It worked for mr. Darcy.

(Yes LWJ is mr darcy and now I want an au where LWJ writes WWX letters and just pours everything in them, WWX finds them, any everything is sunshine and rainbows)

While this bullshit fight/misunderstanding is all on LWJ’s shoulders, I’m also going to scream at WWX. Because yes, he is in PTSD hell, but he trusted LWJ before, and yet he can’t get past his perceived notion of LWJ’s character (and his own inadequacies) to trust him again and ask for help. Plus, you know, he thinks he doesn’t deserve he’ll bc *waves hand at WWX’s trauma conga line*

These episodes can’t be good for my BP.

Thanks for reading!

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Family (Alec Volturi x Reader x Jane Volturi)

Facing those who would kill you was terrifying. Death was just as frightening, if not more since yours would always be prolonged. If you were lucky, it would never come. Looking back on all of you centuries, you still weren’t ready. However it was fitting. Carlisle Cullen saved your life once. Dying for him seemed to be a good repayment. 

The Volturi dispersed, spreading into a long line, making all of their assets known. You felt the slight breeze through your hair, eyeing every last one of them. Two of them, the witch twins- they seemed shocked, eyes wide and stiff...eyes on you. The two took a few steps forward, breaking the formation. Aro, Caius and eventually Marcus turning to look at the two of them.  “Jane? Alec?”  “It can’t be.” Jane said under her breath, the only way she can muster out words. Alec swallowed. You shifted slightly, looking to Carlisle for a moment, uncertain of what to do. ‘What are they thinking?’ You thought to yourself. You exchanged a look with Edward and the other covens around you before back at the twins. ‘What are they thinking?’  “(Y/N)?” Jane finally called out. You were surprised she knew your name.  “Yes?”  “(Y/N), did you have any family?” Edward asked quickly. “I don’t remember.” You shook your head. “I don’t remember anything about my human life.” The twins looked at one another. "What?" You asked yet we're scared to know the answer. "They forgot us." Jane turned to her twin who's jaw was stiff. "What do you mean?" You looked around questioningly. "(Y/N)...they're your blood relatives. Your brother and sister." Edward said carefully, as though it would cushion the blow. "Come." Jane demanded. "No!" You said just as quickly. Jane repeated her request stepping forward and you stepped back, no amount of distance being enough. "(Y/N), i ask that you do not stand against the Volturi. Trust me when I say we don't want to fight you." Alec said suddenly much closer, taking a huge risk by being out of Volturi bounds. "How could I ever trust you?" You asked shakily, aware of every move Alec made and for that matter the lack of movement that screamed inhuman. "Because i’m your brother." He stared into your eyes as he said so. "(Y/N), leave." Carlisle said quietly. You turned to him in protest which he spoke over immediately, not caring to hear it. "Go. Trust me." You hated the prospect of leaving but you did as Carlisle asked, heading back to the Cullen house and waited for something to happen. 

You waited for what felt like an eternity before you were relieved to see the Cullen's and the covens return. No amount of mental preparation could help you with this. The two most deadliest vampires in existence claimed to be your blood relatives. Them remembering you, even Edward confirming it but you not remembering a thing. "Carlisle, what do I do?" You said immediately. "Nothing for now. Not until you're ready." 

A few days passed and the Cullen's went hunting after their friends left. Benjamin was the one to take your hand and give you words of reassurance before bidding his fair well. It made you wish he'd come back. You however, weren't hungry and so you stayed behind. You didn't stay inside though, you went out into the trees outside the house, needing the fresh air. That was when a scent hit you, an unfamiliar one. You opened your eyes and nearly gasped. Jane stood alone, hands by her sides with a stoic look, eyes boring into you. "Jane..." "Hello, (Y/N)." "I thought you left." She shook her head. "Not until we speak with you." "About what?" You felt fear, relentless waves of fear though not wanting to show it. Jane, however, seemed to notice. "You're afraid of us." She said simply. "As I should be." You responded. "No. You shouldn't be." "You've given me no reason not to." "Nor have i given you a reason to fear me. I haven't hurt you." She had you there but you couldn't pretend you'd be an exception. That's like putting your leg in a bear trap whilst hoping it wouldn't bite down.  “Is this some sort of trick?” You suddenly asked. “Are you really related to me?”  “Of course, it’s not. My brother and I remember you very well. It’s sad that you cannot say the same.”  “Tell me, tell me everything.”  “Let’s talk inside.” Jane suggested.  “I’ll tell you everything you want to know there.” 

You sat at opposite sides of the table. You waited for Jane to talk. She stared back at you for a moment before speaking. She looked slightly uncomfortable, clearly she didn’t talk about this.  “You were younger than us by a few years. None of the children back then even laid a finger on you. My brother and I made sure of that. We kept our distance publicly, trying to save you from some of the trouble but we always made sure to make it up to you at home.” Jane could remember one particular memory well. 

The same group of children who tormented the twins, were now bothering you for being related to them. You were much smaller, too young to understand fully just why these children were being so cruel. Before they could rough you around, a stone collided with one of the children’s heads, the ring leader of the group. He yelped, rubbing the side of his head and looking to see where it came from. Alec stood on the hill, armed with another stone, ready to throw it.  “Leave them alone!” Jane stormed up to the group, leaving her brothers side. The group took off running, leaving you in a heap on the forest floor. Jane took both of your hands, pulling you up and dusting you off. “Are you okay?”  “mmhmm.” You nodded, holding back tears. Jane looked you over before looking up at Alec in the distance and you followed suit. 

Alec was clearly bothered by the scene. He was your older brother after all, he had to protect you more than anyone else did. He felt like he had failed you in that moment. 

She even remembered how you’d walk in between them, each of your smaller hands in theirs. Seeing you had grown since the last time she’s seen you. You weren’t the younger sibling she remembered but that was better than losing you all together as she thought she had before. “You never let what the village said about us sway your judgement of us. It really was unconditional love at its finest. Losing that after our change...that was difficult.” You had never seen Jane so emotional. “I don’t know where you were that night..the night of the...” Jane trailed off. She must have meant the stake.  “We thought you were dead.” Jane’s expression suddenly hardened. “Though when we saw you, Aro had no other choice than to tell the truth.”  “The truth?” You repeated. “You survived, that night. Our father came for you, mother died and he believed we did so too. That was it for a year or two, but Aro returned for you.”  “For me? Why?” Jane continued. “He wanted to know if you’d have a gift like we did. So he changed you when our father left. He came home to find his remaining child gone. You didn’t so he left you behind.” You looked horrified. “And you’re okay with that?” Jane thought for a moment. “I know Aro and he isn’t known for his generosity. I feel no need to challenge him for it. You ended up fine in the end.” You were about to snap at her when you suddenly remembered Chelsea. She had the ability to manipulate relationships, she clearly had her hooks on the twins just as much as everybody else.  “So what made you come here then? If it really doesn’t change much of your stance, why bother coming to speak to me?”  “Because my brother and I dont want you to be afraid of us, anyone but you.” She paused, almost hesitant to finish. “Also because I missed you.” You looked up at her sharply. “My brother and I, we missed you.” You couldn’t respond, and you couldn’t help but believe her. 

You were both torn out of the moment to hear footsteps approaching. Surely they hadn’t come back so early?Then it hit you. Edward. Sure enough, Edwards scent hit. You looked to Jane alarmed before gesturing for her to follow you. Edward was going to go through the front, Jane would be going out the back. Seeing this Jane looked at you in surprise. “If you’re really my sister then why would i let you be caught?” You caught the glimmer in her eyes. An honest glimmer of hope.

Once she had gone, you returned into the room just as Edward entered. Jane’s scent hit his nostrils and he growled. “Who was here?” “No one.” “Dont lie! You’re actively not thinking about it so that I don’t find out. Who was here!?” “No one, Edward.” You said through a stiff jaw. “drop it.” “I can’t. I have a family now-” “enough!” You interrupted loudly. “If you insist, take it up with Carlisle.” You walked away not thinking about what transpired until Edward was well and truly gone and back at his cottage. You and Edward never really saw eye to eye. Whilst you both liked one another, you had different opinions on a lot of things. Ever since Bella had come into the picture and more recently, Renesmee, you barely seemed to agree on anything anymore. You didn’t want to talk to him about this. He’d have nothing really of value to say. Of course Edward did exactly that. Not only did he take it up with Carlisle, he let him not he was not happy. You leaned against the door frame to Carlisle’s office with the whole right side of your body, including your head. “You know what im about to talk to you about don’t you?” You slowly nodded. “Was Jane here?” “Yup.” You nodded. Edward wasn’t here so he didn’t hear it. You’d never admit it to him. “Why wouldn’t you tell Edward?” “Because he doesn’t get to know.” You said flatly. “Its none of his business. It’s yours.” “He’s family.” Carlisle said with ease. “You’re the leader of the coven. It’s your house. He knew the situation wasn’t about him. He was just whining for the sake of whining.” “He’s family.” Carlisle repeated. “Not mine.” You shot back. “Yes, you both like to play that card but he’s my son, just as much as you’re my family. Whether you’re in my coven or not.” 

You couldn’t help but smile. You had a lot of respect for Carlisle and for him to consider you family was uplifting. “She doesn’t want me to be afraid of her.” You said finally after a moment of silence. “Jane?” Carlisle asked and you nodded. “And Alec. She came to tell me that they don’t want me to fear them. She told me bits and pieces of my childhood.” “That’s good. It’s nice to hear they remember some of their human life.” “Haven’t they always?” Carlisle leaned back in his chair. “Yes, but they were very private. Aro told me most of their memories were foggy or just non-existent. Though there were ones they could focus enough on and remember like they had just happened. It takes them some time but some of their human life stays with them.” “Aro changed his mind about me. He saw that I didn’t have a gift like them and left me behind.” You mumbled. “It could be possible Eleazar was around at that time? I can’t say for sure I’m afraid. Though I wouldn’t let it upset you too much.” “It’s not that.” You shook your head. “Its that my own brother and sister, if that’s what they are, are still loyal to him knowing that I might have been alive. Even after all this time. They never even seemed to check if I survived the change.” “They can’t change that and neither can you. Now it’s all about what you want to do.” You shrunk into yourself slightly at the question. “I…I don’t know what I should do.” Carlisle tilted his head slightly. “That’s a very particular sentence.” “Well, what I want to do may be very different as to what I should do. The only problem is I don’t know what I should do.” “But you know what you want to do.” Carlisle nodded to you. You leaned off the frame to sit on the opposite seat from his desk. “This time last week, I was the only one in my biological family. Now I have a brother and a sister who want to know me but are the deadliest beings to ever walk the earth. "Would you like to see them again? I can contact the Volturi for you (Y/N). You can meet them.” “You… you’d do that?” “Of course. I’m sure we can all put our issues aside.” They did. It took a while but they gave you a date and time. 

It was month later and now that the time had come, you felt nerves bubble inside you. What were you going to say? Only the orange-pink haze in the distance was left of the sunset. The meeting place was an old campsite area that was used back in the fifties. You’d have to pass it to get to the cliff at La Push, though that was wolf territory and you all stayed well clear of that. Somehow it didn’t seem real until you saw the twins with their backs turned to you, listening to Aro. Aro looked over them and nodded at you. 

The twins turned and shock hit you again. This was really happening. Jane was the first to step forward, seeming surprised to see you too. “You wanted to see us?” Alec asked lightly. You had never heard Alec be so kind in his tone. Though he wasn’t speaking to anyone. He was speaking to his younger sibling. The one he thought he had lost. You remembered Jane’s story, which had seemingly been one of many. You acted before you thought. You walked up to Alec and immediately pulled him into a hug. He seemed surprised by the action. Both twins did. You didn’t know what to say to them. Instead you only held him tighter. 

You barely felt it first but you grew to notice Alec’s hand press against your back, moving slightly to return your hug. All of the memories gone, more years than you could count had passed. You wanted to make up for it. Even if it took eternity. You reached out in Jane’s direction. “Jane, I swear if you don’t get into this hug-” Jane smirked slightly as you grabbed her, wrapping your arms around both Alec and Jane as much as you could. “This feels terrible.” You mumbled. “You’re fault. You dragged me into this side.” Jane forced you to break her hold on you to walk over to your back and hug you from behind. “Don’t tell anyone we ever gave you a hug, or we’ll kill you.” Jane mumbled into your back, squeezing you slightly. “Don’t get used to it either.” Alec added. “Yeah, yeah, you’re still scary.” You rolled your eyes.

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hiii again. I figured that submit option would be easier for this. ^^ 

I love your matchups, they’re so accurate and thought through.❤️ Can I have one too? My name’s Emily, I have blue hair and blue “husky” eyes, got two tattoos and plan to have more, I’m very pale and I hate people saying things like “you look like a ghost, go get a tan” I usually dress like a witch, but sometimes i doll myself up as a pinup girl to feel pretty.I’m autistic, depressed, have ADHD & ptsd (nice combo, ha?^^) I’m also sarcastic, reserved and have a dark sense of humor.I’m oversensitive to lights and noises. I don’t like being hugged or touched by strangers, but once i get comfortable with someone I transform into their koala.^^ My life is a bit messy, I try to do tasks on time and remember important things, but it’s hard. I have two kids cats, Lilith I found under the bridge and Harold in woods. I’m a big spooky fun, I love horror movies and Halloween. I like drawing (my arts are creepy tho, def not for everyone to see), playing guitar, singing, reading books, running and walking in the woods. I’m interested in psychology & astrophysics and I love when people want me to teach them something. I can’t live without music and my cats. @dont-be-alarmed

Hi, my love! 💙 Thank you so much, I spend a lot of time on matchups and it means a lot that you, one of my favourite writers, find them accurate! I hope this one lives up to your kind words and that you enjoy it! 💜 (I’m happy to redo it if not, angel!) I wanted to give back to you after all you’ve ever done for me and for this community, and so I went on your other blog and scrolled through; I found a post about yourself and Arthur and I’ve tried to incorporate pieces of that in here to make it as… emotionally you as I could. I hope that you don’t mind! 💚

Total word count: 3, 785.

Arthur // wc: 1, 755.

Arthur is… completely in awe of you. You caught his attention due to your bright blue hair; such a vibrant colour in the grimy streets of Gotham which are made up of much the same; grey concrete, grey walls, grey buildings, grey sky, is unusual and eye-catching. Arthur wants to be seen and he admires the courage you possess in having such a hair colour. And your eyes, oh… It’s canon that Arthur likes to touch people’s cheeks and he holds people’s faces in his hands, and when sea green meet your blues, the entire world stops and Arthur can only sink into you; for if eyes are windows to the soul then surely yours is radiant. You’re not afraid to paint the blank canvas which is your body and Arthur likes to trace your tattoos with a careful finger, his lips moving silently as he thinks to himself; he wants to know if there are stories behind them, why you got them, how badly they hurt, what they mean to you… if the mind is an ocean then Arthur wants to dive right into yours and discover your murkiest depths now. But he holds back; he doesn’t want to ruin what he’s building with you, and so every day when he discovers something new does he only fall deeper and deeper in love with you. You’re very pale and people are quick to point it out. If it happens in front of Arthur, he’s quick to frown, “Don’t say things like that to her, Emily’s perfect just as she is!”. He won’t tell people off when they say bad things about him, but about you? He has to stop himself from going feral and he contents himself with snapping at them or, if it’s something which is truly nasty, Arthur gives them such a look it’s like he’s trying to kill them without even touching them. His knees will bounce and he’ll giggle around his cigarette, but he’ll only be concerned for you. Arthur would do anything for you. No matter what you were, Arthur always compliments you sincerely; his voice soft and raspy because he’s barely able to speak through the rising laughing in his throat. Such is the effect you have on him.  

You and Arthur have so much in common. Sometimes when you talk to each other, it’s like you’re talking to yourself but you’re hearing it in a different voice. You have shared many experiences and there’s so much about Arthur which exists within yourself; you are both so worthy of love and you are both capable of being loved for exactly who you are, and in the early days first of friendship (though you begin to date quickly, both of you so eager to discover what may exist between you),  you mostly bond together over your shared dark sense of humour. Over the weeks which bleed into months, Arthur’s comedy material becomes more tailored to your sense of humour; for what you find funny and making you smile means more to him than anyone else. He could have a crowd at Pogo’s captivated but your smile would be the only one which he has eyes for. The both of you are so tried and tired, so weary and you’ve both been through so much more than people should ever have to go through, but you help each other and you’re there for each other as much as you can be every single day. You’re over sensitive to lights and to noises so when you’re out in public together, Arthur keeps a close eye on you. He learns the signs for when it’s becoming too much and the two of you talk often; late night discussions with dimmed lamps and a turned down volume on the TV, and the two of you learn how to help each other and how to be more open together. It’s a shared journey, this love between you, and it’s once in a lifetime. Neither of you could ever want this with anyone else. Arthur was almost shocked by the difference in you from when he first met you to when you became comfortable with him and all the ways in which you showed affection changed and became more intimate, but he takes it as a compliment. You’re so comfortable with him and he cherishes that information above anything else. He’s just as comfortable with you, and he tries to show you every single day the depths of the love which he holds for you.  

Your life is as messy as Arthur’s is busy, but the two of you make it work as best as you can. You do your best to remember important things but it’s hard, and for everything you forget is Arthur there to remind you. Sometimes he has to leave the apartment before you so he’ll leave a quickly scrawled note taped to the front door in big letters so you can see it even from a distance, or he’ll make sure that you’ve got everything ready in the same place, like right next to or on top of your shoes so they can’t be forgotten. Your two kitties, Lilith and Harold, are doted upon by yourself and by Arthur. He had always wanted a pet, someone or something to come home to whom was happy to see him, and now he has three beings who love him: you, Lilith and Harold. The fact that you rescued both of your children shows the true depths of your heart and Arthur’s in awe of you. He adores watching you interact with them. It always makes him coo and the ice in his heart which is left over from the day melts away and then evaporates completely at the touch of your hand and the sound of your voice. You love horror films and Hallowe’en and Arthur loves watching how excited you get when October rolls around! Carving pumpkins together, creating decorations and the jokes just get darker and more morbid… he comes to love the holiday as much as you do, though he’s not as fond of horror films as you are. Life is horrifying enough and if he wants to be scared, he’ll just watch the news - but when you’re more comfortable together and you’re his koala, he likes to cling to you and hide his face in your neck as a way of becoming closer to you. Arthur cherishes the few scant hours he gets with you every night. It’s yours and his favourite time of day and it only makes your daily hardships almost worth it.   

You are… extremely creative. Your writing is so descriptive and so vivid, your drawing is beautiful, you can sing, you play an instrument… music runs through your soul just as surely as it does within Arthur, and one night when Arthur was much too shy to tell you that he loved you, he instead said, “you are the music in me”. It’s an admission which, years later, still haunts you in the best way. If you ever let him read what you have written or view what you have created, though he may be creeped out, he would still compliment you sincerely and ask you some questions, wanting to see things through your beautiful blue eyes. If you’re open to the idea, Arthur would love to sit down and listen to you sing and play the guitar; and if you have ever written any songs for him, they would bring tears to his eyes and he would find himself choking down laughter. How can you love him this much? Just as much as you have become more open and kinder to yourself in loving Arthur, so has he because of your love, and the two of you walk hand in hand down the path of life together, leading each other into your better selves; such is the power of love. When you read, Arthur likes to write in his journal and the sounds of his scrawling are the perfect accompaniment to the sounds of your turning the pages of the book you cradle in the palm of your hands as surely as you hold Arthur’s heart in your hands. Though he never asks, Arthur would love to go with you on a walk through the woods. You can see it in his eyes sometimes, how desperately he wants to go with you, but he’s too afraid of rejection and too shy. When you come back from your running, the bathroom is all ready for you to have a shower, there are clean clothes out for you and dinner is ready. Arthur does everything he can to take the best care of you possible; for truly do you deserve nothing less than the best of everything in life. 

You’re interested in a variety of subjects and as a way to engage with you, for he so loves the way your eyes and face light up when you’re talking about the things you’re passionate about, Arthur would sit down with you and ask you questions. Even if he doesn’t fully understand what you’re talking about, especially with astrophysics, he still sits and he listens and Arthur engages with you. And if you have a hyperfixation, then he’s right there with you. He validates your interests and wants to know as much as you’re willing to share with him! It’s just another way for him to spend time with you, to get to know you, to tell you that he loves you. You’ve spent many a night talking the time away about your interests and you have so much in common that it’s unsurprising that you feel like you have known each other forever. Music and cats are your life and Arthur protects everything that he knows about you, because you mean the entire world to him and you deserve to know just how much he loves you! No matter where you go, what you do or who you become, Arthur loves you for all of you - he’s learned all the ways to help you through your various struggles, through the things which you go through (including the ones only you know about), and he does everything he can to help you, to love you the way that you deserve to be. Even when he’s so, so tired, the two of you pull each other through life with your joined hands, fingers interlocked… and neither of you will ever let go of the other.

Joker // wc: 2, 030.

By now,  you and Joker know each other like the backs of your hands. There isn’t much that you don’t know about each other, though of course is it impossible to ever really know someone in their entirety, so every day do you discover something new about one another which only makes you fall deeper in love with each other. Even though you know each other so well, Joker still finds himself wanting to completely dive into who you are to find out everything all at once; to view the tapestry of your life in its entirety without having to wait for the discovery of something else. He loves you so much it hurts him in the best way. Your name is Joker’s favourite word and he sometimes catches himself whispering it when he needs some extra strength or a reason to slow the rage in his veins, which threatens to poison his heart and turn his soul away from the goodness which still exists in his very core, unchanged is he deep inside himself where he is safest. You were there with Arthur through it all and you only loved him more as the man he was now. With your bright blue hair and Joker’s electric green hair, the two of you catch people’s attention when you’re out in public; Gothamites aren’t known for their courageous self expression, so wearied and beaten are they by the soulless and relentless demands of the city. The two of you like to redye your hair together; even if Joker’s hair has faded back into his naturally dark curls, he will wait for you to need to redye your hair. Joker dyes your hair and you dye his and the flecks of blue and green blend and merge together in the bathroom sink; Joker likes to get messy so green runs all down his back and pools into the waistband of his baggy underwear, and he ends up making more mess than you do. Joker adores your tattoos and he knows the reasons and stories behind them as well as you do and he gets excited when you talk about having more. Joker’s less forgiving now when people make comments about how pale you are, and he’s not afraid to narrow his eyes, his nostrils flaring slightly in anger, and fire back a few well-timed insults of his own. Whether you dress like a witch or as a pinup girl, Joker is in awe of you and sometimes he literally chokes on air because he’s just so stunned by you and all that you are; you’re so beautiful inside and out and he just can’t believe, even now, how lucky he is to be loved by you. 

Just because Joker gave up on his own mental health - he stopped taking his medications, he stopped taking care of himself and he stopped caring - it didn’t mean that he would ever allow you to do the same. Joker wanted nothing but the best for you and he would do anything he could for you. This, combined with the fact that Joker knows exactly how to support you and how to look after you when you need to be loved extra hard. Both of you are worthy of being loved for exactly who you are, and when you feel like you’re unwanted and not capable of being loved, Joker cradles you on his lap - your favourite seat - and  tucks your head into his chest, his heartbeat pounding in your ear to ground you and to calm you. He knows how to hold you, how to talk to you, how to comfort you, and he even knows how to ground himself and also you in the same touches. If anyone understands you and what you go through every single day, it’s Arthur, and that’s never been and would never be any different. You’re sarcastic and Joker enjoys playful banter between the two of you. He knows when you’re being sarcastic because you’re having fun and when you’re being sarcastic because your mood is low, but either way will Joker snap back. He enjoys swapping comments with you if that’s something you like to do, and by now his dark humour is perfectly tailored to your own. Of all the citizens in Gotham, your smile is the only one which matters and your laughter is the only one Joker closes his eyes to fully savour. You are Joker’s koala now and he loves every touch which you gift him with. Coming home to you is the absolute favourite part of Joker’s every day and sometimes he stays away for just a little longer so that he can get an extra enthusiastic hug or some clingy touches. You’re over sensitive to lights and noises and Joker is used to keeping the TV on a certain volume and to buying a certain type of light bulb so that the lamps are always dim enough for you. You are always Joker’s main priority and that will never be any different. You’re his entire world and when he cups your face in his hands to kiss you, he likes to say, “I’ve got the whole world in my hands, Emily. Look after it for me, okay?”. The first time you did it back to him, he almost sobbed with love for you even as he nodded and said, “mm-hm”. The sound was smug even with how overwhelmed he was in that moment and your stomach swooped; as again did you only love him more.

Your life is still a bit messy but oh, you do your best. Joker knows better than anybody how it can feel to do your best and to still feel like you’re not doing enough, like you’re not trying enough, like you’re not good enough for all of the demands and responsibilities which are daily placed on you without reprieve or without a break, and he continues to do everything he can to help you, to be there for you and to support you. He leaves notes lying around to help you remember to do things, to not forget things, and if ever you do forget something, Joker’s there to do it for you. There is only ever love in the things he does. Looking after you and being there for you and loving you is the reason Joker does what he does, the reason he tries every single day to reconnect with the man you first fell in love with. Oh, but he was still that man; he had only stopped caring, he had only succumbed to all that was making him numb, and every day did you love him just as fiercely and just as strongly as you always had. Your two cats are spoiled rotten by the both of you; Joker still loves to watch you interact with them and when chaos is shut away, when his suit is hung up and his face is washed, Joker likes to sit on the sofa with you to watch the news with your children around you; his fingers in their fur or in your hair, and the two of you talk quietly. About your days, about the things you need to do tomorrow, how you have been feeling... the evenings are ticked away in this way, with the two of you indulging only in each other. You love horror films and Hallowe’en and still does Joker love how excited you get! He joins in with you now with the celebration and the decorations, but instead of hiding within you now while you watch horror films, scared did he used to be, he now watches you with them and cracks dark jokes. In one film, the screaming victim got decapitated and Joker snorted and said, “Talk about losing your head when it gets crazy out there”. It’s up to you if you join in with him but if you do, he will turn to the side to give you his attention, only just watching whatever is on the old and grainy screen. He loves to cuddle with you and if you ever get scared of the things you watch, Joker assumes the protective role as he cuddles you. “Nothing’s going to hurt you, Emily. Joker’s here.”. He would die for you, kill for you... you’re his entire world and he loves you with everything that he is, everything that he has. 

You are very creative and to this day, Joker is still in awe of everything that you’re able to do. Your writing is so beautiful and everything that you create is beautiful. Your arts are creepy but Joker’s not creeped out by them anymore. Long ago did he stare into the abyss and see it staring back, so what used to negatively affect him rarely does now. “Awh, that’s sweet.” // “Joker, it’s - there’s blood all over the - “ // “Yeah,” He shrugs, “But it’s sweet in a morbid way, you know?” You thought you did, but you weren’t entirely sure. Either way, you were just glad that he liked your arts. His support meant the world to you. You have an entire playlist of songs you would like to play for Joker, and when you ask if you can play for him, Joker beams and practically runs across the room to sit down for you, running a hand through those dyed green curls which bounce gently against the tops of his shoulders as he does so. Joker is transfixed by the way you play the guitar; your hands are one of his favourite parts of you because they create pure magic every single day. You love to read and when you do, Joker tends to read through his old journal. It’s a quiet time for the both of you and it’s most likely that Joker will want to cuddle with you while you do these things; so that you can spend time together... separately. Occasionally, Joker might read a joke out loud; they’ll be dark jokes, ones which make you laugh because you know not how else to react, and he’ll soak in your response. Don’t fake your laughter, though, Joker will notice and he won’t appreciate that. By now, he’s used to your routine when it comes to running and walking in the woods, so he doesn’t ask if he can go with you - he’ll know if you want him to join you by the way you said goodbye to him. If you linger near him, he’ll know that you want him to join you; but if you’re quickly out of the door, then he knows he should stay. When you come home, everything is ready for you to get clean and comfortable; for Joker will always do what he can to look after you, no matter what!

On the nights when everything he’s ever said and done catches up to him, or when the world is just too loud and you need everything and everyone to go away, the two of you hole up in the bedroom. If Joker is the one who needs comforting, then you’re the one who reads to him or tells him about anything you’re currently hyperfixated on or curious about, but if you’re the one who needs comforting then Joker reads from his old journal or reads your current book to you. You can’t live without music or your cats and that’s precisely why Joker protects everything that you hold most dear to you, and that includes his own self. The both of you are so similar in so many ways and you have both shared many of the same experiences. You have so much love between you, so much need to be seen, known and loved, and you both have a dark sense of humour. You’re both strong and brave, creative and so full of love, and no matter what happens or who you both become, you will fall together again and again... and again. You’re soulmates and you’re truly meant to be, and that’s all that matters. Arthur Fleck loves you for all of you, through every rise and fall!

[lethbians]

can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts. 

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention. 

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable  with “notsfw” and “bill hader”. 

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs. 

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves. 

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over. 

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the “fhg” tag. 

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti. 

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself. 

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog). 

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine. 

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts. 

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again. 

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content. 

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning. 

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves. 

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree). 

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen. 

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that 

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19. 

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in). 

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry. 

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has. 

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink. 

[a-baleful-howl]

Let's talk about Sansa and Littlefinger

Im rewatching season 1-6 slowly lately, and Ive just finished S4.

Ok, I wanna talk about Sansa and Littlefinger. A lot of people confuse this story line or flat out twist it to fit their “I hate Sansa” narrative. The scenes are there, so lets go through them.

I think LF has always given Sansa the creeps. The first thing he ever says to her is a creepy, gory story about The Hound and The Mountain. She looks frightened, and LF looks so goddamn pleased to have freaked her out. He wanted her to feel scared. Paraphrasing - “Don’t tell anyone I just told you that or you’ll be a dead little girl.”

Is this him starting to groom her to keep secrets? To listen to him? To desensitize her to horrible acts?

While shes stuck as a hostage in KL, LF offers her a way out. Going with him on his boat. Their conversation is off screen so we don’t know what was said or how Sansa reacted. She has to politefully let him down later when she decides to marry Loras instead. Petyr knows about the marriage plot, and he *punishes her* for choosing someone else over him.

Think about it - Sansa has two options: go on a ship out of KL with Petyr, who she barely knows and gives her the creeps, or marry Loras, who is the handsome knight shes always dreamed of but means she cant go back home right away. She chooses marriage over Petyr. And it angers him, because its not what he wants, and he punishes her by ruining her plan.

He sets it up to make sure she *regrets* not going with him. When she hears shes to marry Tyrion, she cries and watches Petyr leave, regretting turning him down and watching her chance for escape float away.

When she flees The Purple Wedding, she doesn’t know where shes going. She just knows that this once-a-knight wants to help her because she saved his life. When someone you think “owes you” offers you safety and a chance to escape - you take it. Especially after you have seen chance after chance slip through your fingers because you made the wrong choices. She wasn’t about to let another chance slip through her fingers. So she went with him - not even knowing what was on the other side.

When she finally sees who was behind her escape, shes confused - not elated. And the very first thing LF does when shes on his boat is KILL Dontos right in front of her. And shes horrified. Shes seen death dozens of times, and she still screams.

Not only did this once-a-knight trick her and betray her *for money*, not loyalty, shes see what kind of person LF is. Petyrs very first act is one to cement in Sansa’s mind that he would lie to and kill anyone he pleases if it benefitted him. This is NOT a man she would “admire”. This is an act of intimidation and control.

So I want to make a few points here before continuing. 1 - Sansa has never fully trusted LF. 2 - Sansa didn’t even know she was going with LF when she escaped with Dontos. 3 - LF *does not* have her best interest at heart and doesn’t even try to hide his ruthlessness anymore.

Petyr full on *framed* Sansa for Joffreys murder. This was premeditated and fully zoned in on Sansa after she turned down his first offer at escaping. He has her now only by intimidation, manipulation and blackmail. She cant go anywhere else or with anyone else because LF has all the cards. If she were to go back to KL, she would die. Everyone in Westeros is looking for her. Her husband is on trial about to die. And no one would believe she was innocent.

Sansa is no less a hostage than when Arya is passed between hands, all hoping to get a reward for bringing her home or to relatives. Shes not with him by choice, unless her choice is “whelp, if I go anywhere else I’ll surely die. Might as well sit here and wait this out.”

Her discussions with Petyr are very guarded. She asks questions, tries to find answers. And when she asks him what he wants, theres always this little unspoken question behind her tone. All her life shes heard about raping and danger, been told shes so beautiful every man would love to have her, Joffrey threatened to rape her, she was nearly raped by peasants in KL… She is wary of LF true intentions. Surely, this older man who owns a brothel, wants *her*. He doesn’t even deny this.

She has lots of time to think about her situation, and think about Petyrs answers to her questions. Shes becoming more observant just to survive.

I think Sansa genuinely thought she was going to be safe and happy in The Vale. She had her mothers sister, she was in an impenetrable tower, she didn’t have to lie and hide anymore…she was really happy and felt safe for the first time in a long time. It looked like Petyr *really had* done her a huge favor. He saved her from KL. She must have been a fool to doubt him.

Until she realized “yo this bitch cray”. And then Petyr pretty much confessing his love/lust for Sansa.

Important lines here, me thinks. “What do we do to those who hurt the ones we love?” This would sound so lovely to hear after your entire family is murdered and you’ve been held captive and tortured. It sounds like he’s on her side. He will protect her. His loyalty is just because he loved her mother. Aw, thats so sweet. And refreshing to hear after years of being in KL having to say her father was a traitor.

When in reality, Petyrs responsible for her fathers death, for her misery, framing her for murder and conspiring against her family. He definitely has not protected the one he loves, or even protected Catelyn. Ever see a tear shed for Catelyns death? Nope. Not a one. This line is utter horse shit said only to make Sansa trust him more. Even if he *believes* he means it - its so so so not true and he’s deluding himself.

“You’re more beautiful than she ever was.” Is basically LFs way of saying “I love you”. Because he values pretty things, the finest things. He confesses his love/lust for her here. No doubt. Whats odd is that Sansa kind of *returns* his kiss for a moment before she pulls away. Whether this was a mistake by Sophie or actually meant to happen, I don’t know. He says he wants to protect her because he loved her mother, basically says he loves/wants her and then takes a kiss. Sansa thinks he pretty much just laid all of his cards on the table. She finally knows what he wants and why.

The “what do we do to those who hurt the ones we love line” IS KEY to what happens next. When Petyr kills Lysa, Sansa thinks its because Lysa was threatening Sansa’s life. She thinks Petyr is protecting her because he loves her. To a girl, this is also a form of power. “he’ll never hurt me, because he loves me.” or “he only did it because he loves me so much.” When in reality, Petyr was probably planning on killing Lysa the entire time.

Actually, he only agreed to marry Lysa ASAP when she started spouting off about how she killed Jon Arryn for him. She started talking and Petyr was like “oh this bitch is going to blab everything to everyone if I dont shut her up soon” so he marries her ASAP to confirm his claim on The Vale and to get rid of her before she opens her crazy mouth again. Her threatening Sansa was only icing on the cake to make Sansa more indebted to him.

People always yell about why she lied for LF at the trial. Why didn’t she just tell the whole story and stay with these people who loved her father in The Vale?

So why does Sansa lie to save LF? Because she thinks she owes him one. He just saved her life, so she will save his. And maybe she is started to return his feelings - maybe she thinks she can use his lust for her against him, too. Theres nothing for her in The Vale anymore - no more family except gross little Robin, no more friends, no real reason to stay. Sansa wants to continue down the path LF has started. She wants to go home. She wants revenge against those who hurt her family - and she likes what LF is cooking.

She thinks shes on to him. This scene plainly lays it out. She doesn’t trust strangers - and why should she after all shes been through? - and she thinks she knows what Petyr really wants. He wants her, he loves her. So he would NEVER hurt her, and only protect her. Shes making a bet against his feelings for her. Love is the death of duty, and men die protecting the ones they love. Staying with a rich and powerful Lord who is hopelessly in love with you is actually not a bad idea. Shes been fully manipulated at this point.

And Petyrs last words “Do you?” plant a HUGE seed of doubt. She was sure he wanted her - but oh shit, what if shes wrong? Shes already saved him, theres no turning back now.

IMHO, this isnt where Sansa starts playing the game, like many think. Sansa started playing the game when KotV rode in on BotB.

Petyrs creepy boner is now only raging after she lied to save him and went with him out of The Vale. He’s more brave about taking kisses and speaking openly. He has her under his thumb completely. But she still never fully trusts him. She notices when he hides letters. She questions him when it looks like he’s ready to leave at a moments notice. She freaks out when it finally dawns on her that LF is marrying her to Ramsay. But… LF loves her, right? He would never intentionally put her in danger. He must have a plan. So she actually trusts him and married Ramsay.

When Petyr mentions that he was a penniless boy from nowhere amongst kings and lords - she smiles. Because Petyr started from nothing and has built himself up to a rich man in KL. This is another line told to Sansa to reinforce this idea that Petyr knows what hes doing. Hes smarter than her, more powerful and more cunning. And if he did it for himself, he can help her do it, too. With his help he can take her from a traitors daughter with no name or family to a powerful lady just like him.

Petyr promises her its only temporary, and he will return soon and Stannis will save her and soon she will be Wardeness of the North and have her home back to herself. Notice how she doesn’t smile at the idea of being Wardeness - she actually seems fearful of it. She doesn’t want to be Wardeness - its almost like shes about to say “I cant”. People think Sansa wants power and to be Queen. This reaction to Petyr telling her to be Wardeness says the exact opposite - it wasn’t on her mind and she doesn’t want it. Petyr plants that seed - Petyr wants it for her. Not the other way around.

Then, LF leaves her to Ramsay and fucks off. She escapes because its way WAY worse than she could have imagined. Stannis failed - how stupid was she for listening to LF - and Petyr is nowhere to be found.

When LF shows up in Moles Town to offer her KotV she is fully and completely enraged with him. She is angry that she trusted him. She sees him now for what he is - a liar and only out for himself. He hurt he. He must not truly love her. She was wrong to trust him.

And Ive spoken a lot about WHY Sansa goes to him for aid for BotB and, frankly, I dont have enough space or time to explain why here. Lets just say, Petyr is that toxic boyfriend you run back to when times get tough because you know them. It wasnt because she didnt trust Jon and she did trust LF - it was because she didnt trust FATE and she took her safety and Jons safety into her own hands since no one listened to her.

So, remember when Sansa said “I know what you want” to LF after the trial and LF made her doubt it? Everything he did since made her doubt it. Now, directly mirror it with this scene.

“You know what I want”

“I was wrong.”

“No. You weren’t.”

Maybe we’ll see Sansa use Petyr’s affection toward her even more so in Season 7. I sure hope so.

[pigeonacademic]

pipermccloud So far, i've made other alien species for the gems to interact with; some they've fought, some they're neutral with, others they've aided (or been aided by) and some they've opened trade with

thegemnants that's cool! i think it's really neat for the gems to actually be involved in intergalatic affairs with other species. considering how much of the universe they must've combed through, it would make sense for them to have at least met ONE species as powerful as them.

pipermccloud Yep! Could also be a reason why they need a lot of planets and why they had to quickly churn out half-baked gems for the war

pipermccloud Because resources were low by fighting an even bigger war

thegemnants in my fic, red diamond once commit genocide against an entire species which the gems were allied with, and because of that, the gems were ex communicated from the Union... which is one of the reasons why red diamond is so awful and yeah, if there were other aliens, it would make sense why the gems need more resources

pipermccloud The Union? I haven't heard much of REd Diamond Are you going to make a post on it? I need to go downstairs to check on my sisters real quick

thegemnants The Union is just a generic term I'm using to refer to the alignment between the other aliens :P and i do think you've seen red diamond, i'm probably going to draw some more intimidating pix of her

pipermccloud ! ^-^ I've seen her before, and she does look like she'll crush you if you so much aas look at her funny

thegemnants yep! because she did that horrible atrocity to the alien species, gemkinds reputation tarnished. but it doesn't end there, because red diamond was also exiled from the gempire as a whole. not just because she commit that genocide, but because of how she did it-- forcing fusion with the other 4 Diamonds.

pipermccloud BIG YIPES

thegemnants So, Red Diamond was cast out, and took her Court with her, vanishing to create her own empire. And she was gone for millions of years before returning, stronger than ever. There's more to it than that, but yeeeeah, that's red diamond's story :'D

pipermccloud DAMN SHE'S HORRIFYING Suggested nickname for her: The Red Death

thegemnants absolutely! :D Sometimes I wanna call her Blood Diamond, which is an actual term! but, you knooooow gems dont have blood :'D

pipermccloud Pfffft! True So, how is her empire like? I bet she was real rough on them now that she was on her ow n

thegemnants it's a dystopian hellscape where gems are shattered for showing the slightest bit of disrespect or noncomfority. yellow wishes she had the heart to be this intense. the only gems free from red diamond's wrath are her pearl and her zirconia, because they've been so brainwashed that they would never even THINK of doing something that would upset their diamond.

pipermccloud sent a GIF

holy cow- So, she's a dictator basically, a warmonger?

thegemnants HellllLLLL YEAH!

thegemnants and the thing is, she and her court live entirely on ships she leaves nothing left of the planets she harvests Gems from

pipermccloud OOH o-o She makes them go ka-boom. Out of not wanting to leave a trace, leave any resources for the others or just because of sadism?

thegemnants mostly just wanting to be undetectable now, what if i told you, that in my fic, there's someone worse than red diamond :'D

pipermccloud Okay, how can anyone other than Space Satan herself be more terrifying- I'm curious how o_o

thegemnants So, you may be wondering this, not just in fic sense but just in SU canon general.

thegemnants Where did the Diamonds come from? Well, a long time ago, a burst of magic born of the gap between universe brought life to a planet of carbon. Not of carbon-based minerals or carbon-based organisms, but purely of the element Carbon. "I want friends, I want friends," she cried, this living Carbon.

pipermccloud O-O

thegemnants So, from her body, she created 5 children: the Diamonds. Red, Pink, Blue, Yellow, and White. "But it's not enough" So, after a while, Carbon sent her children out to make "more friends" Thus, the first Gem Colony was created "But it's not enough, it will never be enough"

thegemnants So, the Diamonds continued to spread out, taking planet after planet, creating Gem after Gem

pipermccloud O_O

thegemnants However, after a supernova, the Diamonds were seperated from Carbon. Even though she no longer had her grasp on them, the Diamonds were still terrified of what would happen if they didn't please her. So they kept grabbing planets and making Gems.

pipermccloud holy cow

thegemnants But then, guess what? When Red Diamond was banished, she went to the other side of the universe

pipermccloud what

thegemnants AND GUESS WHO SHE FOUND AND BROUGHT BACK TO HOMEWORLD

pipermccloud CARBON

thegemnants AND GUESS WHAT CARBON DID WHEN SHE GOT TO HOMEWORLD TO PUNISH THE CHILDREN WHO WERE SO CRUEL TO HER SISTER AND SO RUDE TO HAVE NEVER LOOKED FOR HER

thegemnants SHE TOOK A BIG BITE OUT OF IT AND ABSORBED BILLIONS OF GEMS INTO HER BODY and when i say absorbed, i mean they are digesting forever inside of her while being completely concious and part of a hivemind so yeah, carbon is the "final boss" of the fic

pipermccloud I cannot find a gif for the life of me to express how horrific that is So, Cluster but over 90000 holy shit

thegemnants Yep! And that's the entire reason why Yellow wants the Cluster. What better to take out a planet-sized monster than a planet-sized monster?

thegemnants It probably would've only served as a distraction, though.

pipermccloud How many gems know of Carbon's existence? For the newer ones, is she regarded as a myth?

pipermccloud Also, what does Carbon look like?

thegemnants oooh, carbon being a scary myth that agates used to scare new recruits is actually a really good idea!

pipermccloud :D

thegemnants originally i was gonna go with a 'just diamonds know', but very, VERY old gems probably know, too and carbon is like a giant, black planet, slightly larger than earth, with a face a fucked-up nightmare face and she reflects no light have you heard of hellstar remina? that's what i'm envisioning carbon to look like, but all dark and stuff

pipermccloud I haven't actually, but holy-cow, imagine her eclipsing Homeworld..a dark shadow falls across the gempire, and wait-does it have TEETH AND EYES-

heres a picture of remina from hellstar remina basically something like this mixed with the face of an elderly woman

pipermccloud !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pipermccloud sent a GIF

You got an eye for nightmare fuel

thegemnants awww thank you ;w;

pipermccloud She's VERY terrifying, both in personality AND appearance Red Diamond is practically Mother Thersa compared to her, isn't she?

thegemnants pretty much! :'D even red is terrified of her at first red wanted to pull a "mommy, my siblings were mean to me! aren't you going to punish them?" but when carbon took that nice, juicy bite out of homeworld she immediately went to "WTF MOM THIS ISNT WHAT I MEANT!"

pipermccloud Classic mom, always misunderstanding and doing things her own way-

pipermccloud Is it likely she'll take a bite out of her own kids too?

thegemnants they'd have to do something reeeeeally bad for that to happen, so while possible, not likely not that it's much of a solace, considering she'll still breath down your neck and cause constant anxiety with her moon-sized eyes staring down at you

pipermccloud eugg I feel so sorry for all the Diamonds even Red And this also just gave me an idea for art! How many Diamonds did Carbon have again-

thegemnants 5, but she could probably make more if she wanted. she just chooses not to :D

pipermccloud "Okay, five's enough for me, this bunch is getting out of hand."

thegemnants not to mention, since she literally turns parts of her body into the diamonds, it would probably hurt a lot huhuhu

pipermccloud Ooh, planet-version of labor pain I'm going out on a limb here and guessing she likes Red better than the others? thegemnants Well, in her eyes, Red DID come and find her, even if it wasn't actually intended. So, she probably liked Red the best. Speaking of RD's dystopian style gempire, how much does it differ from Homeworld?

thegemnants i guess it's just really... tight. homeworld as we see it in the show seems pretty bland and generic as far as alien empires go, but in my fic, i want it to be like a mirror of earth where some things are similar but the things that are different are so vastly different that its hard to wrap your head around it. (not saying that my version is better, im just not a fan of the way this show is handling its mythology)

thegemnants Whereas Red Diamond is just a complete warrior culture where none of the members have any free time at all (except for RD's Pearl and Zirconia)They're always training, training, training, working, working, working. Ship builders and engineers and mechanics have to be constantly on their toes, since the Court lives solely on ships Soldiers have to be constantly sparring one another until exhaustion cycles into movation Sapphires have to novelize any and all visions Mages have to work on spells, Tourmalines have to work on maps, Agates have to constantly supervise, etc etc etc There is literally no room for anything else

Architect wise, how do the ships look inside and out?

thegemnants big enough to be cities, but inside, it's mostly just angular and grey monotonousness. but the gems in RD's court are just so used to it that they can tell the slightest differences in these highly-similar locations to find their way around and yes, shattering always is a fear sans those higher-up, who are the only ones allowed to show any sign of slack Do they have a uniform or is it a variety, as long as it allows them to function?

thegemnants it's all uniform per gem race, although, i suppose somewhat thankfully, red diamond does like to get fancy with it thegemnants I feel like she'd prefer to stay sedentary unless she has a reason to move. Although I also think she has a room where she goes when she's upset where she just fucking beats up statues to get her stress out.  @ufolotus

[bethanythebold]

TRIGGER/SPOILER WARNING FOR THIRTEEN REASONS WHY

Ok I know this has been said a thousand times but when/if you watch 13 reasons why, PAY ATTENTION TO THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. Don't trick yourself into thinking you can handle whatever the show throws at you if there's even the tiniest bit of doubt in your mind. I read the book, so when I saw the warnings I didn't take them as seriously as I should have because "it can't be that graphic, the cause of death was barely even mentioned in the book." DONT BE LIKE ME. Don't be a dummy. It's currently 2:45 am and I just came out of a panic attack because my idiot self thought I could handle it. It is by far the most graphic and terrifying thing I have ever seen. And I'm not hating on the show for it, they gave warnings and I am glad I saw it. It showed me the sick truth of what happens when you do what Hannah did. It's not beautiful or poetic, it's painful, disturbing, disgusting, and just completely fucking petrifying. As someone who as been depressed most of their life and has been in Hannah's shoes more times than I can count, that scene convinced me that I never want to go through that pain. I've thought about slitting my wrists and bleeding to death countless times, but never have I ever sat down and thought about what would happen during all of it. All in all, the realness of this show is what scared me the most. The fact that I identified with Hannah, down to the haircut and 'notes' scared me shitless. To know that I was at that point so many times and barely made it through with my life horrifies me. And not just Hannah they're all so real- Justin, Courtney, Tyler, FUCKING BRYCE. I have my own Bryce at school and once I made the realization that 'holy shit, that's HIM' I can't look at him the same. To know that someone who seems so normal or relatable can also be capable of the cruel things that he did, i just have no words. As soon as I saw Bryce I was just like, what the fuck? He doesn't seem as awful as I expected? He's almost like-able? When I realized that the only reason he seemed so normal to me was because he reminds me of a guy I've known my whole life, I freaked out. Because holy shit, "if Bryce could do that, HE could do that. And I mean I wouldn't call my Bryce a good guy. He's almost exactly like the Bryce from the show. He's rich, entitled, plays sports, thinks he's gods gift, and treats women like they owe him something; but he covers it up with just enough humor and charm that he tricks u into thinking he's likable. Who's to say he hasn't ever pressured a girl into sex or took advantage of someone who had a little too much to drink. But to summarize because I've rambled on for thirty minutes now, that could have been me. Had I been left alone long enough or decided to cut a little deeper than a paper cut, I wouldn't be here and that makes me really scared. I am so fucking lucky and grateful that I still have my life and I never want to loose it. If you've read this far- thank you for listening to this mess. It really does mean a lot. And if you're ever thinking about hurting yourself, or you feel alone, or u just need someone to rant to- I'm here. And I mean that. It would be my pleasure to listen, and who knows- you may end up helping me more than I'll probably admit. I get lonely too. I love you my angels, stay safe.