#just block things and accounts u don’t wanna see what’s the problem?

[wonkasz]

Ugh, I’m tired actually so: anti noamae dni. That’s the only way I can save my mental health and time. I’m really trying to be nice and communicate friendly, but one more post about how gross and bad noamae users is and I’m scared I’ll go to bunch someone through the screen, sorry not sorry. Insulting strangers on the Internet is the problem.

[welcometoteyvat]

thanks for sharing the post. have the user blocked. hate it when people apply western (e.g. english) practices and cultures to other practices and cultures. it is not the same :( either way, what is the canto accent? i am not a native chinese so i don’t know what’s the accent they gave gaming. could you explain (if you can!)

oh no problem i don't think it was like a terrible post on the relative scale of internet takes, but op pissed me off lol like a native canto speaker spoonfeeds you info and you just refuse to engage with it. it's not even being curious it's just dense as hell. they eventually came around but man the reading comprehension-

anyways the canto accent—idk how to describe it tbh. some of the syllables sound more canto? like the way they're broken up and which words get more emphasis etc. tons of ppl (on bilibili) said it sounds like very realistic/authentic "guangpu" which is shorthand for cantonese accented standard chinese. the best example of this imo is when he says 本领嘛 (běnlǐng ma) in the suanni papercut teaser; the stress/emphasis on each syllable like separates them a lot more than in mando? ben and ling especially sound sharper when he said it, like if you use more force w your tongue/lips to pronounce the b and l sounds. i am not a linguist so this could be completely off (but there's more unrelated talk about canto vs mando under the cut)

the more explainable thing he does is use phrases that aren't used in standardized mandarin. 我埋单(wo3 máidān) ("my treat" in eng dub) is a canto phrase—i think(?) mandarin speakers would say 我结账 (wo jiézhàng). 埋 means bury in mandarin, but in cantonese it can mean to close/settle (accounts), or come together (as in closing a wound). closing the check in this case ig. importantly 埋单(canto) and 买单(mǎidān, mandarin) do not mean the same thing (unlike i originally thought haha), even though the tones are v similar

he also says 勤力点 (qínlì diǎn) during the suanni trailer which i assume would be 尽力点 (?) (jìnlì diǎn) in mando, they both mean the same thing (to work hard) it's just diff words. qin is the first word of qinkuai 勤快, hardworking

his 喔 (wo, filler word) and 哪(na, also filler word, except he says it like 那哈 na ha to me lol) also just sounds so canto jfsdkfj. they both exist in mando and are used but idk the pronunciation sounds a bit diff?

DISCLAIMER: this is all written by a mando only speaker. I watched the trailer and just listened to everything gaming said that I've never heard spoken in mandarin before, then searched it up to see if it was actually canto, but I do not speak Cantonese. if any of this info is incorrect please tell me, i don't want to spread misinfo. thank you! <3

cantonese vs mandarin rambling utc

more about how the accent differs: I thought about this q a bit and ended up searching for canto text to speech. This likely won't help much, since ga-ming spoke accented mandarin, not entirely cantonese, but if you're curious and want to hear the differences between standard mandarin and canto, you can go to https://fanyi.baidu.com/#zh/yue/ and paste some chinese text into this, and click on the speaker/audio button at the bottom of the text boxes to hear it spoken. the left is mandarin, the right is cantonese. if you'd like you can also paste the text into google translate, which will give you the mandarin pinyin. i extracted some of gaming's most noticeable lines here if u wanna try. Honestly, it might be more helpful to listen to his lines in mandarin and then listen to gaming's version to see if you can hear any differences, because his audio from the livestream is a lot closer to mandarin than cantonese

舞兽戏 你们听说过没有 (said in standard mandarin, beginning of 4.4 trailer)

舞兽戏在沉玉谷地区还是很有名的喔 (at 0:10, 4.4 trailer)

去新月轩喝个早茶怎么样？(std mandarin) 我埋单 我埋单 (at 0:31 in the 4.4 trailer)

本领嘛 多学多练 勤力点，总能行的。哪，你看文仔也觉得对喔！(1:38 in tidings of an auspicious beast)

"所以是真的吗，老先生" is the one other thing he says in the suanni PV, but there's a very slight difference that i don't know if i'm hallucinating it

there are 2 more lines that I didn't include (his skill and burst voicelines) but i can't tell if there's much diff in his accent. his skill sounds a tad diff but idk if im just not familiar with the words L

[hillbillyoracle]

u got mad that i tagged a post w ciscentric language then i found out it was from a terf lmao like u follow terfs but uve been out for soooooOOOOooo many years lmaoooaksjdjfjfjfj bye

We don't play TERF witch hunts here. If you have genuine concern for me and about who I follow, you could have approached me and let me know - with proof - that they're TERFs. I'm nonbinary, I check, but I'm always open to hear that I missed something.

But something tells me you're just labeling folks you don't agree with as TERFs to justify being abusive. That's antisocial behavior there, friend. Might wanna get that checked out.

Assuming you're the account I recently blocked - you didn't tag it as "ciscentric language", you tagged a post about an issue that disproportionately impacts women, that has a gendered violence component, as "transphobic". Not remotely the same thing.

And if this is that account - that means you got on another account just to drop this unhinged nonsense in my inbox. Truly wild that this impacted you so much you felt the need to do this.

Willful misrepresentation of what I took issue with, namecalling, baseless accusations, belittling and demeaning, using an alt account to cross clear boundaries - there's a name for this and it's called abuse.

You left your name attached so I'm sure you'll have no problem with people knowing this is how you treat people who merely don't agree with your choice in tags.

ETA: I responded to those tags on Sunday I’m pretty sure. It’s Wednesday. You’ve been this mad about it for that long. Yeah...I don’t think my anger is odd one out here. 

ETA2: Finally dug up the links I couldn’t find when I wrote this originally. For folks who see this, know it’s fucked up, and want to better understand a framework for pushing back, here are two asks I replied to about cancel culture and the Left [1,2] that are a good place to start.

[velvetsgigs]

Bring Me the Horizon - 21/01/24

next gen tour in the o2 arena, london

i went to this gig alone and i was pretty nervous since it was a rather big venue. i was up seated in the stands but it gave me a really good view of everything!! unfortunately the view allowed me to see one of the deadest crowds i had ever seen.

for a gig with pretty heavy music, you would expect more movement from the crowd. in the section i was, i could hear myself when i sung along to the songs - i wasn’t screaming either, i was actually rather quite. there were only a handful of people in my section who actually got up and danced - i’m so glad people got up tho cause for the first song everyone was just there sitting like 😐😐.

but enough about the crowd!!!

the music!! the band!! absolutely amazing omg!!

i might be biased as they‘ve been one of my favourite bands since they started high school - i remember reading percy jackson and listening to “diamonds aren’t forever” in my free lessons. the set list was amazingly put together, opening with Darkside and finishing the encore off with Throne, and of course we got classics like Can You Feel My Heart, Obey, Shadow Moses and Drown. i will say that the music felt a little quiet but i was further away than i am usually am and i was against the wall so i suppose that can block some sound. (idk if that’s a real thing lol i might sound really stupid saying that)

the band themselves were breathtaking though - yes breathtaking, i can’t believe oli skyes is real that man is BEAUTIFUL. the stage presence was through the roof, and i was pretty close to the roof so i would know. oli knows how to work a crowd, although i think he seemed a bit disappointed by the lack of movement in the pit. there was multiple times he yelled for people to move more, and i know artists do this all the time but he did it A LOT, he also called the crowd pussies after their mosh pit lol. however if there were injuries, people needing water or anyone who needed to get out of the crowd for safety reasons, he was quick to point it out and get security to help them out.

i’ll stop yapping (typing) soon but only after i talk about merch!!

i skipped the long ass line to get merch right outside the o2 - here’s a little hack for u - there’s a shop on the second level, if u head up the escalator by the weatherspoons there’s a shop to the left with a plain blue sign that reads “Merch Shop” they have merch from a bunch of artists but they will also have tour merch there for whoever is performing. the stock is lower so i do recommend trying to get there earlier but it’s usually empty there so if you head over like 2hrs before the gig u should be able to grab some merch without waiting for an hour in that queue.

unfortunately i did get there pretty late and they had sold out of the tour shirts (i went on a hinge date before this that lasted longer than i thought it would lol my bad - dude was cute though). they did however only have my size left in the grey zip-up jacket which is what i had my eye on so it was a sign that i had to drop that much money on it. it was £80- i don’t wanna talk about my bank account- it is so comfy though!! it’s fleece and soft af on the inside and the print on it is very pretty. it’s got the bands name on the front, patterns down the sleeve and graphic covering the whole back. i’m gonna live in that jacket until i buy more over priced merch - and then i will live in that lol. i may have a spending problem.

anyways!! this post is hella long so i’ll stop now but if you did read all of this for some reason then ty!! i appreciate it 🤭 decided to do this silly little blog thing about the gigs i can to so i can look back at it at some point and reminisce lol. ❤️‍🩹

[5tar9litter]

All of these problems I am dealing with.

The trauma I am curr trying to forget.

I know I am living it every single second. Sometimes I want it to disappear so I can just be free again. Never having to stress about him ever again. Everytime I was on my way to recovery, he came back and restarted my progress somehow.

I blocked his number. He created a fake phone number using google voice and thought he could just get me back? Just like that? By telling me, “What’s up? How pissed off r u rn? it’s me btw.” Bro that was stupid. All the anger and resentment, the sadness and heartbreak that I thought I got rid of was coming back like a bullet train at full speed. I start hyperventilating. Seeing his calls erupt my phone like crazy.

I snapped out of it. “God’s testing me to see if I’m still stupid.” I had the encourage to block him even though I missed him.

In the next 2 weeks, I recieved another message on instagram from HIM.

HE FUCKING FOUND MY INSTA.

After not being able to sleep that night and having a conversation finally after 3 months.

I learned it was his internet whatever shit and he couldn’t “recieve my messages”

Absolute bullshit.

He told me kind words. I missed you so much. I want you so bad. Please come back.

But I was spiraling. I didn’t want this. I don’t want this. I cried and went insane because of this man. I don’t want this anymore and I don’t wanna go back! Please god! Help! Help!

Finally after 4 days of literally spiraling and just losing my mind, I blocked him on all forms of communication and privated my account.

It’s been a month, it’s like I’m experiencing PTSD Again.

This happened many times though ngl.

One time, my family’s car got hit by a truck while my mom was driving us home from work. The last thing I saw was a bright red truck coming towards my side of the door. Before it hit us, I held onto any handle I could for embrace. BAM! Me and my family were spinning on the road.

We came out okay. My mom was bruised up on the legs though and my brother ended up getting a headache from smacking his head against the window. I was traumatized for a year I believe. Every red truck, I was terrified of them.

But then I got over them.

This happened with Jayden’s mom.

9 months.

The day the house caught on fire and I heard my dad scream in fear for the first time?

7 months.

The day when I heard my unknown uncle got ran over and turns out he was a horrible person so nobody picked up his dead body in the hospital?

6 months.

The khoi situation?

Prob never really. I just forgave but I don’t think I’ll ever forget him. It’s been what? A year? But I don’t have any bad feelings. Maybe a little. But sincerely you just stop caring as much.

It may be the same.

But just like the Aidan situation. You’ll always find someone better than the last. So don’t settle into thinking he will be the only one who you’ll love. Because a couple months after that, I was the most happiest woman in the world.

[deanisbisexual]

let’s talk about cons

Okay I want to get something off my chest and it is towards a lot of my mutuals who I actually do consider friends even if we’ve only spoken once or twice, I honestly hope you read this in its entirety and have a change of heart. If it makes you mad or you don’t agree with it, feel free to unfollow or block me, it’s fine. If you wanna talk about it feel free to DM me. 

I am not upset that anyone went to the Charlotte Convention. I understand that some of you bought your tickets before we learned that Jensen was directing Walker and before Denver Con. I truly felt bad knowing that your tickets were nonrefundable and I was glad you guys were still going to try to have a good time and meet each other. 

What I am upset about is some of you want to continue to go to conventions, whether they be Creation Cons or not. While Creation Entertainment itself is a whole other beast, they are not the main problem here. Any convention that gives Jensen, Jared, or even Misha money is not a convention you should be supporting. These last few months we have gotten to see how these actors really feel about their LGBT+ fans and their fans of color and I don’t think it’s morally right to continue to fill these men’s wallets. 

Nothing has changed in the past week. 

Jared is still the same guy who uses children in cages as inspiration for his copaganda show, Jensen is still going to direct Walker, he still sat by and agreed when Jared compared queer love to inc*st and p*dophlia. Both have been outwardly homophobic. Some of you are POC, some of you are LGBT+, some of you even posted about how you didn’t feel safe there, I don’t understand why you are so excited to pay hundreds or even thousands of dollars to these men.

Please stop thinking that by spending this money and asking Jensen or Jared a question that it’s somehow going to fundamentally change them and they won’t be the bigots they are. Do you think J2 (or any of the actors frankly) go to these conventions out of the goodness of their hearts and because they’re genuinely interested in what you have to say? No, they go because it’s a nice little paycheck. Having Misha throw us a “there was love in his eyes” or getting a quick picture with him or Ruth or anyone doesn’t negate that the majority of your money is going to the same men who made us all feel like shit three weeks ago and encourage their fans to perpetuate that hateful culture.

The best way to hold them accountable is to stop giving them your money.

I would also like to clarify some things. Anyone trying to explain why your actions are hurtful is not jealous that they didn’t go to the convention or aren’t a part of your discord. Anyone blogging about Dean/Supernatural/Destiel is not the same as spending $300+ that directly goes into the pockets of racist and homophobic actors. Me reblogging your con posts when I’m trying to be supportive that y’all are making good out of a shitty situation is not begging for con content. You donating some money to RAICES or any other organization or blogger doesn’t erase the money you gave to racists. 

If you want to pay for another convention and continue giving these men, who do not care about you, a platform to spew racist and homophobic shit and foster a toxic environment go ahead, but please don’t get upset and act like victims when others call you out on it. 

I sincerely hope some of you will reconsider who you give your money to. I understand wanting to be around others who are just as passionate about Supernatural as you are. I understand wanting to see your friends. I understand wanting to have fun. 

There are ways to do that without supporting racist homophobes.

#in before one of yall posts the “i ain’t reading all that. i’m happy for u tho. or sorry that happened” meme

[sailorhyunjinz]

Do you write yandere? If so, can I request skz yandere headcanons on how they would react when S/O rejects them because she doesn't wanna deal with whole drama that would come with dating an idol?

i mean kinda?? i have a seungmin yandere fic in my drafts sooo BUT YEAH

oh also, requests are not open but im just gonna do this one cause headcanons are kinda fun BUT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED <33

also why is the felix one so short-

Warnings; yandere!skz, rejection, k-dnapping, slight gaslightning or like manipulation, restraints, threats, aggression, mentions of masturbation, stockholm syndrome

Chan

nobody rejects him. nobody.

you two were friends from school and you were sooo happy when chan made it as an idol, finally persuing the dream he had been yapping on about for years. 

but in the midst of that he realized that he had feelings for you, he missed you all the time, just wanting to hang out with you and maybe explore the things he had on his mind. so,, he decided to confess when you guys were at a cafe.

“look y/n,,, there’s something I wanna tell you” he started to which you tilted your head

“nooo,,, are you guys going on a tour again,,, i wil miss you sooo much channie” you said with a pout but the boy shook his head.

“i like you y/n” 

your mouth stood agape, this was not what you expected and truthfully,,, not what you wanted. 

“chan,,, y-you know thats not possible” you said with a frown, looking at him straight ahead.

“of course it is,,, why wouldn’t it be? w-what are you trying to say y/n?!” his voice started growing louder, you looking around in order to see that people werent turning their heads towards your table. 

Minho

you have made a big big mistake my friend- 

wont even hesitate to keep you hostage in his basement LIKE IM NOT JOKING-

might just tie you up and like,,, not even do anything to you, just talk to you and admire you, maybe tracing your facial features and cuddle closer on the cold floor

just wants to keep you as a pet or smth and you are scared out of your mind cause you cant move cause of the restraints, you cant speak because you have silvertape across your lips that he only removes to feed you but if you start screaming you wont get any so you deicde to just stay calm and quiet before someone saves you and play along. 

i mean you do,,, kinda fall for him but you know you cant,, but you cant help but to fall for him and miss him whenever he’s out on schedule things

he always returns to you and you get so happy when you see the little crevice of light from outside when he opened the basement door

whenever he lies next to you, you put your head against his shoulder and take in his scent the best you can

he told you everyday that he would let you go if you agreed to date him but you shook your head,, maybe cause you liked being his prey. 

Changbin

he’s more of the threatening type of yandere,,, like,, not that he’s violent but if you try to block his number he will create new ones and keep on sending you messages about how you have betrayed him and how he wished that you loved him back and all that,,,,

you guys often meet because you go to the same college and are students in the same department sooo,,,, avoiding him is pretty impossible 

he stares a lot at you,,, you guys have a couple of classes together and he just stares the entire time, his eyes are just filled with revenge, he somehow wants you make you his, own you but he doesnt know how yet, for now he can just look.

watch this fucking message conversation just be this;

[why did you talk to him during class?]

[you could have just asked me]

[nobody loves you like i do. no one y/n]

you are never getting rid of him basically,,

he’s gonna get to you first ;))

Hyunjin

i feel like he goes more to the stalking route than the kidnapping and drugging and whatnot- 

ok,,, you rejected him,,, but that doesnt mean you’re getting rid of him.

ohmygod what if he turns into a peeping tom- cause he obviously knows where you live. 

like yall were not even that close?? he just saw you backstage at one of the concerts and thought you looked good so he decided to go up to, you werent an idol so no problem he thought.

but he gets a bit too,, hasty with his decisions and often falls for people randomly and so when he politely greeted you and gave you his number you simply shook your head, explaining that this wouldn’t be possible since you worked in the same industry and you needed to stay clear out of any scandals in order to keep your job. 

no was not answer in Hyunjins mind. 

luckily he managed to catch your full name by flickering through some papers in an office and also saw your full adress there, knowing exactly what he was going to do on his free time. 

Jisung

if im being completely honest,,, i have no idea-

like,,, he gives me kinda pervy yandere vibes,,,

what if youre like his ex before he became an idol and now he wants to get back together with you-

oh,,, he masturbates to your pictures-

i feel like he always thinks about you, wondering what you like and wants to write songs about you but he doesnt do much-

but when he finds out that you have been hired by the same company as him to work as a like,,, economics accountant thingy he is all of a sudden vEEERY interested-

always asking the manager of when the group will have meetings with the accounting team,,, although they had nothing to do with them-

he just wanted to be in a conference room with you (and think pervy things about you in your tight office skirt and white blouse)

you went to the toilet on day and you saw him lurking around the same floor,,, WHICH ONCE AGAIN WAS NOT CONNECTED TO THE GROUP AT ALL- 

and idk,,, probably sneaks in with you and locks the door before you even react that theres someone else in the toilet- 

i feel like he’s pretty mild,,, but when he’s alone with you he is aggressive broooo

probably pins you to the wall and threatens you or smth along those lines,,,,,

(writing this is what my life has become to-)

Felix

“what do you think you’re doing?”

you turn around again, you had just thought of just leaving with a vague answer to his question but he was not having it. 

“answer.” 

his words sounded cold, his dark voice making an entrace, the exact one you’ve heard on many of the songs you listened to.

“felix,,, you have to understand,,, u-um,, if we date theres gonna be some issues” you said but he just stared at you with cocky eyebrows and a dark gaze, running his tongue on the inside of his cheek.

“do you think i care? would i ask you if i cared?” he said to which you shook your head automatically, what more could you do?

“you get until tomorrow to think and if i don’t get the answer i want well,,, we’ll see what i’ll do to you.”

Seungmin

he plots shit behind your back yk?

he’s more of the sneaky type of yanderes (oop spoiler to a fic heh)

like he makes this like fucking year long plan where the objective of the mission is to make you obssessed with him-

he starts kinda subtely,,, first its going to the same gym as you and like,,, knowing where you placed your stuff

and then he starts putting small notes like under your waterbottle when you went to grab something that say like “i think youre cute, call me” and then his number

you obviously dont react,,, because why the fuck would you contact a stranger at the gym 

BUT THEN you realize that its him, its mf kim seungmin. yo,,,, u didnt know he went to this gym,,, that was not,,, the best-

of course you got a bit interested,,, you wanted to know how he was off camera,,, like just in his everyday life and i meeean,,, he was attractive but obviously you should stay away bc,,, he’s a celebrity but seungmin didnt want to stay away

he notes somehow started to get more aggressive,,, suddenly being like “why are you ignoring me?” and such,,,

and one night you were left alone in the gym with him,,, it was sooo quiet, only the sounds of your strained breaths as you lifted a dumbell

here where the plan came to play ;))

Jeongin

he’s obsessed with you and you are not going anywhere, even if you rejected him. 

he’s more clingy?? LIKE HE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU

ok sure,, he falls more into the stalking category too,,, 

also veeeery much a obssessed kinda yandere,,, like his mind is not thinking about how to like capture you,,, more about how to make you soooo comfortable and fool you into loving him despite the circumstances?

i just imagine that you work in a cafe and jeongin often meets you there when he buys coffee and you are already in awe when you see fucking yang jeongin enter the coffee shop on your shift but you were even more excited when he leaves his phone number on a napkin and slides it over the counter before leaving. 

you thought about it,,, contemplating multiple times but,,, you decided it would be best not to since well,,, safety purposes 

but he would visit you and every day his face got more and more perplexed cause he wondered why you didnt call

mf would not leave you alone, he would even wait outside the coffee shop until you finished your shift and walk you home,,, so now he knew where you lived- 

and then do the same thing over and over again until you talked to him.

does. not. give. up. 

[literaphobe]

Two questions:

1. What do you feel about CorpsexSykunno ship?

I feel like it's MarkiplierxJacksepticeye all over again, starts out innocent and turns uncomfortable.

(Also I think real people shipping is gross in general)

2. Dream smp makes me so nervous, not necessarily because of any of the members but due to (1) the history of online teams dominated (and lead) by male influencers, (2) minecraft youtube's general history of exploiting fans. I feel like it's going to end badly. You seem to be enjoying it tho, and it's definitely up my alley, should I get into it?

1. Corpse and Sykkuno are not comfortable being shipped! Neither of them are okay with being shipped with ANY of their friends in general, so like, don’t do it, or if u do like. i guess just don’t say anything about it? it’s really not hard to just enjoy their friendship. like it’s an endearing friendship n there’s nothing wrong w liking it. but. nothing more u know. plus both of them have made it clear on several occasions that they’re both straight and my gaydar agrees JFKDKDK like they’re just. Friends. Who care about each other :)

I definitely think it’s not like the markiplier x jacksepticeye situation, because for one u have jack himself telling people not to ship etc etc and also BECAUSE of that u have people actively policing any form of shipping. it’s honestly gotten to the point where it’s annoying but i genuinely don’t think it’s that big a problem, plus the rising popularity of the amigops puts less pressure on one-on-one corpse + sykkuno interactions, since people now wanna see all four of them play games together n not just corpse n sykkuno!

2. I get why Dream SMP would make u nervous. An interesting thing I realized when I started finding out more about people on that server is that there’s marginally more poc on it than I previously thought and also A LOTTTTT more lgbt+ people than i previously thought. Like genuinely why are so many of u so gay. And like that affects the stories being told obviously. Like. I don’t think it’s perfect n I don’t follow EVERY person on the SMP, just like i obviously don’t know everything about every minecraft YouTuber like fkdkdkdk i would say the only people i watch are dream, george, quackity (and even then i haven’t seen most of quackity’s YouTube videos) and like I’ve seen a couple of tommyinnit’s videos Fjdjdjdj and sapnap obviously but he has like 10 videos and i watch Karl’s streams if certain people are on it. yeah i think that’s about it like i do like the feral boys (dream george karl quackity sapnap) and i have seen maybe one or two skeppy videos

Anyway I get ur concerns about online circles dominated by male influencers too. but quite frankly compared to past circles ive seen its genuinely not that bad and also. In terms of holding them accountable, I think mcyttwt makes VERY sure of that (which honestly has devolved into a problem. because privileged haters will dig up stuff on creators that either a. has been addressed properly or b. is just. several years old and i don’t like how minorities are being weaponized. also i cannot stress how little i care that some minecraft YouTuber said the r slur 10 years ago when they literally never do it now. like. i worry so much because so many of these stans who think they’re ‘educating’ are just wearing themselves out n burning themselves out. so many of them are minors too)

but like. the people i am kept up w definitely do take responsibility and accountability. like dream especially gets accused of stuff that’s either fake/not him or something that’s just like out of this world (e.g. accused of queerbaiting. w george. interestingly no one ever accuses george directly of doing this) and no matter what he like addresses it properly and accordingly. like looking at his journey as a creator over the past year he’s grown a LOT and changed so much and matured a lot and i think like. looking at how much he’s blowing up and how much more of a following he’ll gain. I feel much better that it’s him who has this following as compared to. Certain people. And like. It’s upsetting to see how a lot of people have this impression of him that’s objectively false? Due to all the fake stuff that gets spread by haters (most often white for some reason???)? Because genuinely he’s not the creator we need to be so worried about?

Anyway in terms of getting into mcyts in the dream smp. I knew who Dream was because he’s played among us w the amigops a lot n they all like him because he’s just a good natured amicable person. I vaguely knew who george was because of dnf n also people putting his stupid face on my tl all the time. I thought he was pretty n hated that I thought that. I don’t care anymore tho. Like what’s wrong w looking at pretty people. I deserve it. Anyway! I got into their videos through GEORGE first, funnily. I think Minecraft, But I’m Not Colorblind Anymore was the first one I watched and it’s very very good. It’s endearing because it’s George trying out colorblind glasses for the first time n he’s nervous but Dream is there with him to make him feel more comfortable. And also Dream is so happy n emotional (he talks about tearing up at the thought of George being able to see colors properly) and their friendship is just very endearing. The video starts w george taking a colorblind test and we find out he has protan colorblindness (severity: STRONG which makes them crack jokes about how George is SO strong 😤)

anyway these losers. Decide to test the colorblind glasses on colors in MINECRAFT because of course that’s the whole video and it’s really heartwarming to see George learn how colors look like again n Dream just being excited about it the whole time n then George taking the colorblind test again at the end but with the glasses on... n then u go on to watch more george videos but it’s the ANIMAL CHALLENGES. like George Speedruns Minecraft But His Friend Is (Insert Animal, This Animal Is Always Dream) and like...... yeah so I watched a bunch of George’s videos n I went onto dream’s channel out of curiosity

And i was like. What the fuck. These videos are so WEIRDLY named. What the fuck is Finale, Finale Rematch, Grand Finale???? But dream has adhd too and in hindsight I absolutely would’ve titled the videos in a similarly confusing way. Anyway dreams manhunt videos are...... a work of art. I swear to god like even if u don’t know jackshit about minecraft they are very entertaining and weirdly impressive.

Basically in Minecraft Manhunt: Dream has to beat the game, but his friends are there trying to kill him. If they kill him even ONCE, they win n the video ends. He’s allowed to kill them repeatedly though. Manhunt started with one hunter (George, to one’s surprise), then two hunters (Sapnap and George), three (Sapnap, George, BadBoyHalo), and now four (Sapnap, George, BadBoyHalo, Antfrost). The next stage is possibly 5 hunters but idk who is the fifth yet. Anyway the thing that’s so entertaining about minecraft manhunt is:

1) Dream’s Parkour & PVP skills, which he developed and trained over such a short period of time n got REALLY good, it’s satisfying to watch him do risky maneuvers n succeed, the ways he’ll jump from a high place but clutch w either water, blocks, horses, boats, scaffolding, etc, to escape from the hunters

2) Dream’s TRAPS, like he actually does research for possible plans n traps he could do to counter the hunters, since there’s so many of them and only one of him, and he can’t just fight them in combat exclusively, since he’ll lose eventually if he gets ganged up on. I won’t spoil any of his traps, but they’re very good and also very dramatic. It’s amazing

3) The banter and taunting!! The lies and tricks!! They’re all really close so it’s easy for them to crack jokes during a lull where neither party is engaged in a fight, they’re all on the same VC so they can potentially say stuff to trick each other, or they can hear the other team say stuff that gives them an edge

4) The editing. Like the pacing is incredible, and all the bgm used is SO good at setting the atmosphere n making things more tense n exciting etc. like “dream’s manhunt music” is honestly a meme at this point but he actually unironically uses it and it unironically makes the videos better. Also dream edits all the manhunt videos by himself!! he doesn’t hire editors to do it for him or anything

idk what else to say but yeah I watch most of dream n george’s YouTube videos and they’re in most of each other’s videos and I like their dynamic a lot!! Especially since they still have not met in real life but already know they want to like live together (forever, according to George), and it like reminds me of the friendships I have because most of my close friendships have been made online. And like. They remind me that online friendships aren’t actually inferior. That’s it :) sorry this is so long

[posi-pan]

so i really don’t like bi being used as an umbrella term (i think it’s super invalidating to the other mspec identities) but i mind it slightly less when like organizations use it bc it seems like a more genuine attempt at inclusivity. when individual people use it tho, it really just reads as a way to shove the rest of us into a neat little box, ya know? probably bc most of the individuals i see use it always seem to have this attitude of “well bi is the umbrella term everything else is just extra or a micro label” (DONT even get me started on that. micro labels are great, but don’t call something a micro label that isn’t one) or “all these other labels are unnecessarily but i guess we can include them to make u feel better/bc u won’t let it go”

i have a love hate relationship with the "bi umbrella" tbh. going through bi history and seeing the genuine inclusion and acceptance of all mspec people in the bi community, not because they're "basically bi" or anything like that, but because of our shared experiences as mspec people and the importance of coming together as a community, regardless of what labels we use, endeared me to it a bit.

but then i see people who use it to erase everything it's supposed to include or to claim non-bi mspec people are "basically bi" or all mspec identities are "types of bisexuality" and i'm just like......fuck that y'all can keep that shit lmao.

generally organizations aren't too horrible with it, but some are. bi dot org tweeted about pan celebs and characters being bi and when corrected, they posted a link to their website's bi umbrella page and then blocked everyone. and they posted a bunch of panphobic and transphobic shit on other social media sites.

so it's not always genuine inclusion from organizations. because websites and social media accounts for organizations are run by individuals who can have shitty opinions. (bi net usa, anyone?)

and then you gotta take into account how many of the organizations who use the bi umbrella talk about other mspec identities without it being an addition to bi or bringing up bi, like conversations about and content for non-bi mspec identities on their own.

i feel like instead of saying bi *is* an umbrella term, it should be bi *can be* an umbrella term. because not every non-bi mspec person wants their identity to be categorized under another, or they don't conceptualize their identity that way, and there's nothing wrong with that and it should be respected.

but there are non-bi mspec people who do think of it that way. or who maybe need or want it to be umbrella term. some people might not be able to find resources and community and groups etc. for their identity, so having access to that of the bi community; having it open to them if they so choose is important. and same for non-bi mspec who want to be part of a wider community, who feel it's important to come together and have solidarity.

so it's kind of just a really layered thing. i think the bi umbrella should be option for those who want or need it, but not a universal or required understanding of mspec identities.

(also to any panphobes who wanna start shit: the concept of the bi umbrella was not created recently or by pan people to "force" our way into bi spaces. the bi community has historically been open to all mspec people, and bi orgs carry that on today. take it up with your own community organizers if you don't want nasty "pannies" in your spaces because it ain't my problem.)

[onwriting-hrarby]

Hello I hope ur doing well

I’m new on tumblr and I don’t really know how it works here sorry lol

I wanted to talk about ur twitter dilemma

When it comes to the pros and how it would be good for the fic since it would gain readership I agree with u on that , I only use twitter to follow fan artists and writers,there is actually an account on twitter that post about EM fanfics and it’s there where I first found out about ur fic ( I’m in love with it btw ur such a good writer ) , so I don’t see a problem on using twitter to promote ur work it can be beneficial, I would advice to only interact with people who enjoy what u write and block any hater u encounter just for the sake of ur mental health and to better enjoy ur time there because as much as Twitter Is amazing with the fanarts and all ,there is a group of people that better be avoided and the haters are always gonna hate no matter what so it’s better to just mute them and move on.

When it comes to the cons I understand ur concern I don’t really know what happend to u on there from what I could understand Is that u got canceled and I’m sorry it happened to u People can be so insufferable, so if u don’t wanna come back it’s understandable at the end of the day it’s ur choice. Twitter is known to be a toxic platform and aot is already a toxic fandom so what can u expect from this combination ,so if u decide to go back on twitter just follow and interact with the people who enjoy the same things as u and share ur interest focus on the things that u love and only surround urself with them. For me I personally deleted the app from my phone and when I wanna check what’s going on there I just use google to log in,scroll down for a bit and log out it’s easy to forget abt the app when it’s not on my Home Screen.

Just like I said at the end of the day it’s ur choice and really hope it works out for u no matter what u chose to do . Again I enjoyed ur fic so much and love ur writing style , u artists and writers deserve so much appreciation ur literally carrying the fandom on ur Back , so thank u so much and best of luck on ur work , have a great day☺️

Dear Anon, thank you very much for this nice input! You're right in all the senses—it's fun, too, that you don't have twitter on your phone! I started like this and then I decided to move to no smartphone, so I can't connect to social media during the day, hehe.

I might take your thoughts into account. I am thinking of not interacting on Twitter anymore, though, just put up the chapter when it's up on ao3. And because as you say, it comes handy for authors who don't have a huge readership/subscribers. I think I know which is the EM fic tweet! I am always indebted to them.

I think, for now, Rotten Judgement won't be on Twitter. I think I will let the account expire, and maybe give me some more time to come back if I feel like it on a future (and I can keep my username).

I am so glad you're liking my fic! Don't hesitate to tell me what you think, either in ao3 comments or in here. I would love to hear your thoughts!

[naughtyneganjdm]

“if you’re a negan stan pls respond so i can block u and u won’t have to see me complain about him and i can rant about him in peace. let’s make both our lives easier lol”~Jinwillfly

I read this an started laughing 😂. Literally no one is going to them and “complaining” they are coming to you and complaining for your(other members of the fandom)choice about liking a specific character. Like if you know there is an entire account dedicated to liking or disliking a character, with people who interact with that account, why would you even stick you foot in the door? What was Jinwillfly expecting? We’re all entitled to have an opinion, but don’t shit on others because they disagree. Like, it’s your blog, you wanna shit on negan, go ahead. You don’t want to shit on negan, then don’t. It’s that fuckin simple. But the fact the Jinwillfly just pops in you messages basically saying “🖕” and then leaving before you can even question what just happened, is so stupid. “let’s make both our lives easier”. Really? Is that what you want? Then why are you even inciting shit to other people in the fandom? Jinwillfly can complain all day but don’t go and harass people, because guess what? Your not gonna change anyone’s opinion on something by harassing them.

I'm definitely not aware of what we're talking about, but I'm assuming they made another post? Either way, I blocked the person. For a while they have done nothing but bait Negan fans. They just aren't worth it. I was just amused that they blocked me, unblocked me, blocked me again and then unblocked me again to fight with me. If you don't want anything to do with me, please just keep me blocked. I blocked them.

I support people hating Negan. It's a tv show, if you think you're favorite character isn't going to be hated, you're highly mistaken and let's be honest Negan has done LOTS of things that are bad. We're not ignorant to that as fans, but my God, it seems like in this fandom people think it's okay to be an asshole to all of Negan's fans and EVEN JEFF and it's totally acceptable. It's not. At all.

I'm of the mindset I think all people should be able to get along in a fandom. If someone hates Negan, I respect that. I would be your friend, but if you can't handle me liking Negan, then the problem lies within you, not me. You know what I mean? I've talked about this a lot lately with some friends and it just is really genuinely sad to see people just be so vile to other fans just....because they like a character? Blah

[shizzlinghotbrason]

ok so nearly everyone in the fandom is doing this and as sad as it is that we need to remind these simple things to people, I feel the need to talk about this too.

I won't make this too painfully long because I know y'all most likely already know this and I just wanna put out a basic list of shit you should always follow in the fandom. But for those who don't, a lot of fan content creators, be it artists or writers or just general fans trying to enjoy their time, have been leaving/quitting the fandom.

Why are they leaving, you ask? Toxicity. Toxicity nearly everywhere. People can't hold respectful debates or discourses on interesting topics regarding characters/the books/ships anymore without someone toxicly stating that only their opinion is correct, and going off on anyone who has different opinions carried with a lot of aggressive, rude and shallow behaviour. Fanartists have gotten death threats and are scared of drawing art for the Riordanverse without getting anxious af.

Now the thing is, having done those (eXcepT for the death threats) doesn't automatically make u an entirely shitty person. Maybe you made a mistake and came off as rude without rlly meaning to. That's okay. Here's how to identify if u ever did so, and to change that behaviour. Again, it's okay to make mistakes, but we rn as a fandom srsly need to try to turn things around.

Some basic shit you should remember being a part of the fandom:

• NO NSFW STUFF WITH MINORS!!! That means fanarts, fanfics etc. But here's the shocking thing- when someone does this, you can actually hold them accountable WITHOUT SENDING DEATH THREATS AND CROSSING THE BOUNDARIES! Cuz doing that only makes YOU stoop just as low. Pl e a s e remember that always and be respectful whatever you do.

• That being said, ppl are allowed to write nsfw stuff IF said characters are aged up, aka 18+. Ofc, it's a must that they put a content warning beforehand because many people may not want to read that. BUT, if you don't want to read it and if they've aged up the characters so nothing's morally wrong or gross, then please do NOT hate the author in the comments, do NOT report their post/account. Seriously dude, they gave warnings, if you don't want to read it just scroll past it's not that hard. Unless it's with minors, you shouldn't be reporting innocent ppl's accounts like that.

• one thing that I've seen a lack of in the fandom are trigger warnings. I've seen several fics whose covers are literally of blood. And entire chapters were written with intricate graphic descriptions yet with no trigger warnings or a tw wayyy down in the caption. you never know what may be triggering to someone if a lot of ppl see ur content but the least u can do is put trigger warnings on the most common stuff. I get that it may look aesthetically matching if it's a murder mystery sorta fic but isn't the well being of people more important?

• look I'm not saying you're not allowed to have opinions, but the problem is when you start treating your opinions like facts. I can't count the times I've seen someone state their opinion like it's facts and then trash on other's for having a different opinion. PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS. Stop attacking people for liking Jason more than Percy or vice versa, there's no rule that you absolutely have to like one or the other, ppl can like who they want. When you're stating UR opinion, it would be nice if you used stuff like "I personally think that..." or "... that's just my opinion" because again, Ur opinion is just that, not a fact.

• if you can't have discourses or discussions about certain topics respectfully and nicely then don't have them. if someone's done nothing wrong but state their opinions and you don't like it, don't go attacking them. if you don't have anything good to say, shut up and just scroll past. it's not that hard. we don't need any more negativity in the fandom. If you feel like you're about to snap, mute or block the account you don't like and move on with life. But for the love of GOD don't go out of your way to be agresive or hateful to ppl. They have feelings too and run fan accounts for fun, not to get upset and hurt.

• when a fan account owner has made a post saying what they think of a certain topic, and you comment saying you think they're wrong and they reply that you didn't get the point of their post, then chances are you most probably actually did not understand what they were saying. when this happens, pls don't go on forcing ur opinion onto them as if you got what they meant when you didn't. Maybe next time when someone says you didn't get what they were saying, ask them nicely to explain it to you instead of going off like that?

• firstly, shame on you if you've ever run a hate account. just why? how much more negativity do you want to add? if you come across a hate account please please report it and block it and tell your friends to do the same. if you're targeted in a hate post, I'm so sorry, please know that they're shallow ppl just trying to make you feel shitty, you're dont have a trashy fan account; what they say is false and done purely to spite. report and block them.

• I know Rick has written a lot of racist bullcrap and hasn't batted an eye when we complained about them, but that still doesn't give you the right to send him death threats. Again, no death threats to anyone, yikes.

• don't use fanart that's racist. don't repost them either. Piper has feathers in it? don't repost it. also if you can't exactly and properly credit artists, don't repost their art saying "credits to the artist". I've done that before too but now I understand that's not right.

• also, while we're at it, can we all please universally agree on non-racist fanon stuff and get rid of racist canon stuff? like Piper and feathers, and piper & hazel with colourful and golden eyes, Piper's stupid not like other girls behaviour, and all the other bullshit Rick has put into the books. We as a fandom don't accept it and pretend they do not exist, no racism in this place 🥰‼️

• ppl are allowed to have their own headcannons, it doesn't matter what's cannon. Don't go "but in the books it's.." because in the books there's a lot of shit, and besides, if someone wants to headcannon Percy as brown? black? totally alright! they're allowed to do so! don't go bUt pErCy iSnT pOc iN tHe bOoKs. same goes with sexualities and etc headcannons. as long as they're not erasing the already representation of a minority, it's okay to have headcannons of your own. Like Hazel is canonically black and we should respect that and bring out the best of that, yk what I mean?

That's all I have to say for now. I'm usually a very light-hearted cursed meme account on here but things are getting out of hand. I was wanting to make my 8 yr old brother get into the Riordanverse fandom but seeing the situation of the fandom rn scares me. We need to think about the kids in the future who'll be in this fandom, whose lives will be changed and shaped by these books. Surely, the older people in the fandom before us would be utterly disappointed at what it's become and it's our job to constantly look out for the fandom.

If you're leaving/have left the fandom, I'm so sorry that it got to that point, but ur wellbeing comes first, do what you feel is necessary to feel better, all of us send lots of positive vibes towards your way! and to the peeps who've still decided to stay in the fandom and use their account to talk about this issue, I cannot express how thankful I am of you for doing such an important thing right now. And to everyone - as Harry Styles once said - treat people with kindness.

[angrylizardjacket]

mouth full of white lies {Machine Gun Kelly} 5

5. you say that you’re no good for me

Summary: So you have actual real feelings for him and they’re kind of starting to get in the way of your job, which is awful because you’re a professional, damn it, you’re better than that. Perhaps it’s time to come clean.

the brainstrust: @sataninsatin @silvertonguedserpent @juliarose21 @kellysimagines @estxxbritt @machine-gun-casie @harringtonstudios @misscharlottelee @narcvissa @hiworlditishumbleme @angelwarner28 @nevilles-insinuations @rumoured-whispers @mgkobsessed @edwardtriggerhandzz @suckerforbarnes @wastelcve @bakerkells @local-troubled-writer @freddiessmallnipples @oopsiedoopsie23 @mayaslifeinabox @mrs-machinegun-norris @hxbbit @lilytalebi 

Casie had gone back to her mom’s about a week and a half ago, and now you’re left all alone with his words of ‘like if you wanted to actually date my dad, that’d be cool with me’ with a strangely knowing air that you’re trying not to think about.

But the point is that now you’re sitting back, watching him snort fake cocaine of a very pretty girl’s bare chest, and slowly and bitterly coming to terms with the fact that your feelings for him have gone from just a lowkey crush, to a crush large enough to make you jealous because a girl’s got her tits all over Colson on a set that looks like a strip club, and you hear ‘and we’re rolling’ a few feet away from you, and you’re not quite sure why there’s an uneasy feeling in your stomach. At first you try and tell yourself that you’re a little indignant that they’re basically just using pretty girls as props, but the girls who are all over your brother in the scene don’t give you that same vague nauseous feeling, so you can’t delude yourself that into believing that there’s any particularly feminist reason for your feelings.

You try not to think too much about the girls on set wearing not much at all, covered in oil and glitter with their hair teased up and curled and laden with products. They’re doing their job, and they’re doing it well, listening to the directors, and you’re just trying not to compare yourself to them because you’re in very different roles. 

And you tell yourself this.

Over and over.

“How’re you doing, Duck?” In between takes, your brother will often check in on you, and it’s getting harder to force a smile.

“Great!” But you know even as you say it that he won’t believe you; Douglas can see through your lies better than anyone else in the world. He wraps an arm around your shoulders. “Don’t, Doug,” you tell his quietly, face and voice both falling in the safety of his presence, but you don’t move away, “I’m a professional.” You tell him, but your heart’s not in it.

“I know you are, Duckling -”

“I’m really trying.” You mutter, leaning your head against his shoulder, conceding defeat to your own negative thoughts.

“This is new for you, I know,” he assures calmly, his hand still firm and reassuring on your shoulder.

“It’s just a job,” you remind yourself again, “everyone here’s a professional.” Voice so low only Douglas can hear you, he gives you an almost imperceptible squeeze. Before he can get a word in edgewise, the director is calling for the scene to be reset, and he had to go. Across the room, Colson gives you a quizzical look, and you try your best to smile back; it doesn’t seem to work, his frown just deepens. 

And you move on with your life. Try to, at least; pick up your clipboard, ask Josy if she needs anything, and try not to act relieved when she asks you to buy her a coffee. 

You get dinner on your own that night, which isn’t necessarily an unusual occasion, but you’re lingering in the fancy Italian restaurant a few blocks from his house, looking a little lonely, a little like the poster-girl for every pining girl in a rom-com waiting for her true love, sadly poking at your half-finished dessert. If you get recognized, you’re pretty sure the press is going to have a field day.

The thoughts won’t leave your head; it’s more than the girls on set, it’s more than the thought that he’s done this sort of thing before, it’s more than even his reputation, because you don’t give a shit about his reputation, but you can’t deny that you don’t have feelings for him, and you can’t deny that you didn’t have feelings for him before any of this even happened.

If you hadn’t said anything, you’re pretty sure nothing would have happened between the two of you. Which is okay, it’s fine, but something about it being fake is worse than it never happening. 

So you leave your dessert half finished, and start the lonely walk back to the hotel where your brother was staying.

[💜colson💜: where r u 💜colson💜: u ok? 💜colson💜: did something happen today?? 💜colson💜: ducky 🦆🥰: im fine 🦆🥰: you dont need to worry about me]

But you don’t go to the hotel. You have to see him, have to get these thoughts out of your head before they drive you mad.

“Were you waiting for me?” Your voice is small when you finally get to his house, get to his room, and Colson’s laying back on his bed, stretched out and shirtless, looking a little like the centerfold of a magazine in the lamp light. Your heart’s in your throat.

“I do worry about you, you know.”

“What?” Is all you can think to say, and try to avert your gaze.

“You said I don’t need to worry about you; I know that, I do though,” he says, doesn’t look away from the ceiling. 

“Why?” Though it’s said with a laugh, there’s no humour in it, but you don’t know if you wanna hear his answer, don’t know if you could handle it, “if I had never said anything, you wouldn’t have made a move,” you rattle off, the words falling from you like you’d rehearsed them, though it’s more accurate to say that the thoughts had been going around in your head for so long that you couldn’t even find any other words. Colson’s head turns to look at you, frowning, “so you wouldn’t have needed to worry about me then, so you shouldn’t have to worry about me now.”

And then there’s silence, and he’s regarding you with an almost angry confusion.

“What?” He finally asks, disbelief colouring his tone.

“Don’t worry about me,” you sighed, moving around the room to the open balcony door, plopping yourself into one of the wicker chairs, closing the door behind yourself.

“What is your problem? I thought we were good,” Colson’s quick to open the door and follow you out, sitting in his usual spot, elbows on his knees, almost glaring with an intensity you hadn’t witnessed before, “if you want out, you can go, don’t stay on my account if you’re unhappy.”

This shocks you enough to keep your mouth closed as you look out to horizon.

“You’ve got your room at the hotel, you don’t have to stay -”

“Just tell me,” you cut him off, “if I’d never suggested this, I would have just been Doug’s little sister during the whole process, and you wouldn’t have done anything, would you?”

“Done anything?”

“Made a move.”

“Because me making a move on the golden girl of YouTube would have worked out great,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes and sitting back, “if you hadn’t said anything, no I wouldn’t have made a move; I don’t actively seek out ways to get shot down by chicks who think they’re better than me.”

“What?” You voice comes out small, confused and a little sad, somehow it’s worse than the answer you were expecting. “I don’t -”

“And don’t go high-roading me on this bullshit; you wouldn’t have made a real move either,” it’s like his own words don’t even quite register as he said, but after a beat, he sighs, the anger, the tension leaving his body in a rush, “I know you don’t think you’re better than me. Now.” He added, and okay, he had a point there; as much as his reputation preceded him, yours did too. 

But that’s not what’s caught your focus.

“You would have wanted me to?” Shyly, almost traitorously hopeful, you can’t look at him as you speak. There’s a shift in tone, the tension changing to something new, something a little bit exciting. 

“I didn’t want to scare you off -”

“I’m not porcelain, you know,” you say, glancing at him out of the corner of your eyes, and you see him give a half-amused smile.

“Like I said, I know that now,” he conceded, “but you’re Doug’s little sister; he calls you Duck for fuck’s sake, you give off this vibe like you bleed bath bomb water, and me, I give off this vibe like -”

“Like you’ll rope someone into committing a felony,” you tell him with a dry smile, and he laughs, nodding a little.

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” he says, with surprising self-awareness, “but yeah, if I knew then,” he pauses for a moment, his gaze moving to the stars; even in this light you can see him turning faintly red, “how cool you were, yeah I would have done something.”

Heart in your throat, you want to ask him if there’s still even a chance, but your mind’s stuck on the if.

“Should I have done something?” You hear yourself ask, quiet, fiddling with your hands, and when he doesn’t answer after a beat, you can feel your heartbeat heavy in your chest. When you turn to him, he’s there, leaning in, and you meet him halfway, kissing him hard in the starlight. 

You take that as a yes.

No cameras, nobody around; it’s not an act when you let yourself get pulled from your chair, closer to him, the two of you standing now. At first his hands are gentle, holding your face almost reverentially, like he can’t quite believe he gets to touch you like this without having to put on a show for everyone, and you feel almost dizzy with his lips on yours. 

“I can’t believe I waited so fucking long to do that,” he murmurs, and your breath stutters from you, so overwhelmed that he wanted you, that he wants you, really wants you, that it’s all you can do to kiss him again. Rough this time, you card your fingers through his hair, tug, pull him close and kiss him desperately. He can probably taste on your tongue how much you’ve wanted him too. 

Wrapped up in each other, it’s better in this one moment than every other kiss you’ve shared put together. His tongue glides along your bottom lip, as if asking for entrance, and you deepen the kiss, all teeth and tongue, a gentle sigh when he bites your lip.

“Is this serious- are you -?” You pull back, breathless, hands still in his hair, and his smile is genuine as he leans back a little, arms still wrapped around you.

“How much more serious can I get?”

“This isn’t a bit, is it?”

“No it’s not a fucking bit,” he snorted, “honestly I can’t believe you’re doing this; the fake shit was your idea!” He’s still holding you close. Opening and closing your mouth for a few moments, looking a little like a fish, lost for words, lost for a response, you settle on;

“Exactly how cheesy can I be and get away with it?”

When he kisses you this time, it’s sweet and gentle, his smiles soft against your lips, and you hum happily against him. 

That night, you spend the night watching movies and making out, falling asleep half naked in his enormous, plush bed. When you wake, it’s to the sight of the sun painting his tattoos with light as he scrolls through Twitter on his phone.

[ID: A series of tweets between @duckduckbooth and @machinegunkelly.

@duckduckbooth posted a photo of Colson Baker, laying on his side in bed; the covers are black and there’s a sliver of sunlight that highlights his gentle smile. The wall behind him has a picture on it but it’s out of focus. Colson looks like he’s laughing, and he’s looking at something behind the camera, his hair is a mess. There’s something so gentle and intimate about the photo itself, like he’s just woken up, like he’s sharing a joke with the photographer. You. There’s a hickey that’s cut out at the edge of the photo.

The photo is captioned ‘those ocean eyes’.

@machinegunkelly has retweeted the photo with one of his own; of you, laying on your back in the very same bed, grinning, phone held in both hands above you, but you’re looking at him, expression fond and amused. The window behind you is open, with sunlight spilling through the crack of the curtain, hitting your mouth and chin, highlighting your own smile.

His photo is posted with the caption ‘shed a lot of tears just to smile in the mornin'. End ID.]

Everything has changed, everything has shifted; it used to be too much to touch him casually, to feel his skin burn against yours, but on set over the next few days, it’s a thrilling release, a reminder. He wants me, every time he touches you, he wants me. 

Before, it was such a performance, every action so carefully calculated to show that you were in love, never enough to scare him off, but now? You’re ferrying some paperwork for Josy to the offices at the other end of the film lot, and you pick him up a pack of cigarettes on the way back; his whole face lights up and he presses a kiss to your temple, with an easy ‘thanks babe’, and you feel lighter than air, and it shows.

“Everything work out?” Douglas asks you with an almost knowing smile, and you turn your nose to the air, pretending you don’t know what he’s on about, and he’s kind enough to play along, let you have this. 

Safe in the security of a genuine relationship, you’re not worried as you once were about the other actresses, not when you know you get to go home with him. Now, seeing him on set, the earlier jealousy you’d felt turns to pride as you watch him work.

“You guys are gross,” Josy says with a smile, watching your display of heart-eyes as drums ferociously behind the band, “it’s adorable.”

“We are not,” you tried, but he twirls his drumstick with a flourish and a smirk and your own grin widens automatically.

“Listen, as long as you’re on time, and you don’t smear his makeup, I don’t give a shit,” Josy shrugs, her tone equally nonchalant as it was blunt. You sigh, but they’re easy enough terms to agree to.

And then you’re travelling, the production going on location to different stadiums and theaters across the country, a few days at time, concerts put on to screaming fans, or more accurately, unpaid, enthusiastic extras. When you’re not with Josy, you entertain yourself well enough; you and Colson usually see the sights of wherever you are, at least when you’re not wrapped up in each other in the confines of your hotel room.

“Hello, I’m [Y/N] Booth,” you smiled at the camera.

“And I’m Machine Gun Kelly, and today we are reading thirst tweets,” he holds up a large, blue mug-shaped object with ‘Thirst Tweets’ written on it, before the title comes up:

Thirst Tweets with MGK & [Y/N]

“I’m gonna start with this one,” you half laugh, holding the little piece of paper up before yourself, already leaning on him just a little, and the tweet comes up on the screen as you read;

“I would let MGK and Duck beat me up and I’d say thank you,” you pause, before looking a little sheepishly at Colson, “that sounds painful - for them I mean.”

“Don’t you get comments like that all the time?”

“I know you do,” you half smile at him, and he laughs, nodding, “step on me Daddy Kells, or something like that?” He flushes, grinning.

“How dare you - that one’s probably in there!” And he fishes out the next piece of paper.

“Machine Gun Kelly looking like 80s Tommy Lee could do anything he wants to me - you haven’t even seen the movie yet!” He exclaims, while you just give a pleased little smile, “what?” He asks with a grin when he turns to you.

“It’s kind of a mood though,” you shrug helplessly, and he rolls his eyes fondly, before pulling out another tweet, giving it a read over and handing it to you to read.

“Duck is stunning, girl lemme lick ya.”

“Sorry dude, that’s my job,” Colson smirks, and you give a small, flustered shriek, though you were still grinning from ear to ear.

[txdoroki]

heyo ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙ omg i love ur account, ur literally my favourite person on this app sfngnbodmv ur posts make me so happy. basically i want to start writing drabbles and fics and stuff so i was just wondering where 2 start & how u got started :)

hi! aww tysm :,) that means a lot!

well, i started by making a post asking people for requests (as i started as a request writing page, not really that way anymore because it’s easier to not get burnt out for me if i do the stuff i genuinely want to write!) and i used all of the tags i could.

(if youre planning on doing mha writing, bakugou and todoroki content generally does the best. the first 3 tags you use, your content will show up under tagged when you search the tag in specific, so i suggest doing bakugou x reader, todoroki x reader, and whatever else as your first three for your starting request post!)

if you aren’t planning on doing requests, i suggest maybe an intro post. like “hi! i’m (name) and im a writer! here are the fandoms i’ll be writing for, and a few things about me!”

try and have your first writings be consistent, it doesn’t matter that much but it’s good to have content for ppl to read rather than literally one post and it’s an intro. if people see the intro, they will prolly click on your account to see your writing and such. so, imo it’s important to have some writing to begin with

i’ve noticed, that using more tags doesn’t necessarily = more notes! the first few matter the most, and after that, it can help to do the category and such

let’s say i wrote a bakugou fluff. i’d use these tags: bakugou x reader, bakugou imagine, bakugou fluff, bakugou katsuki, mha bakugou- give or take a few! you can find examples under my MOST RECENT writing posts, as i did different experiments with it and the more useful your tags are the better. my “if you came into their room in the middle of the night” post was the experiment, and it turned out that i was right, more tags ≠ more interaction

on that note, INTERACT WITH PEOPLE. this isn’t against anyone who doesnt like interacting, but it can help build relationships with followers! if you’re comfortable with this, you can open your asks box so people can say stuff (you don’t have to have anons on but it can be nice for ppl who are shy/dont want their acc out yk)! if you get anon hate, just block the anon if you want. or dont respond.

also, it’s rlly cool to get a few mutuals! i’d love to be your mutual if you want to, just lmk your account whenever you start posting! sometimes i make mutual posts asking for mutuals, you can do something like that if you would like

my first ever oneshot thing i wrote, was one i rlly remember writing! that might not be the same for my viewers, but i usually remember someone by the first thing i’ve seen by them. first impressions matter, so try and figure out how you wanna be seen! ofc don’t fake being someone you’re not, but it might be confusing to ppl if your first impression doesn’t match with how you act the rest of the time!

your first post usually sets the tone for your blog, or at least the first one that gets you your audience. if you, in your first post that gains you followers, say that you’ll be writing for danganronpa, and then instead write for mha, everyone would kinda be like. what? i thought you were a danganronpa writer??? ya know

BE SURE TO INCLUDE GENERAL TRIGGER WARNINGS ON POSTS THAT NEED THEM. ADD THE TOPIC ITS WARNING ABOUT TOO. EVERYONE WILL APPRECIATE IT BECAUSE IT IS JUST A NICE THING TO DO PLEASE DO THAT!!

i suggest making a navigation page (like my pinned post) and a masterlist (you can do all your writing in one or even seperate masterlists for each character, whatever you’d like)! it can really help to have a spot to go and be able to find all of the writing you’ve done without endless scrolling! if you need a tut on how to add links to posts, im sure theres a tut on youtube!

A REALLY HELPFUL THING TO DO IS WHENEVER YOURE MOTIVATED WRITE LIKE FIVE THINGS SO WHEN YOU DONT FEEL LIKE WRITING, YOU HAVE POSTS! fr tho, ppl usually wont mind if you arent super active. if they do, theyre being dumb!

posting consistently CAN help your posts reach more ppl, but if you can only post every now and then, it isnt really a problem! don’t stress it if you’re too busy/dont have a schedule, it wont kill your account

tl:dr;

-add trigger warnings on things when needed

-make a navi page (not needed)

-if you’re motivated, write stuff to post later

-first impressions matter

-mutuals!

-less tags can work more, but i’ve also seen a lot of tags work good as well

-INTERACT WITH PEOPLE

-don’t say you’ll do things just for followers. they aren’t just a number, they’re actual people

how i started in five steps:

1. i made a post that was like “hey! im mack and i want to start doing writing requests! do you guys have any?”

2. i did a few posts then was like ah fuck i need a masterlist, so i made that and then made an about me with random facts i thought of and such. (also make sure tou put your pronouns in your bio so ppl arent confused!)

3. i did more posts and started gaining, but didn’t really mind it. i kind of just vibed, cause the numbers dont determine how good of a writer you are, so i focused on working on my writing style and such! i kinda ghosted the whole blog for a week straifht beside from queued reblogs, but came back later when i had inspo! it’s good not to run your brain dry

4. i redid my whole blog, made it pretty! its rlly motivating to me to have a nice blog, but it isnt required! i made an organized navigation page, and started focusing on getting my reach back. (btw, prime posting time is at like midnight!) be sure to put rules and boundaries on your page as well, so people do not end up crossing one that you didn’t state.

5. i reminded myself that i can do things other than my blog when i’d get a little too obsessive over it, and that it wasn’t going anywhere! don’t feel pressured to post a LOT. only post when you want to and can. don’t put responsibilities like health aside just for your blog.

hope this was helpful <3

[flying-elliska]

that said, of course calling David an abuser etc. is wrong. I agree with that, but saying that he didn't do anything wrong is, well, wrong. he's an adult, she is a child who had her almost entire fandom turn on her when she was worried about the actors. she later had her favourite actors call her disgusting and a piece of shit for said worry. also, everything they said was being said by the actors in those videos. it was not her/their fault that those videon weren't the entire story 2/idk

furthermore, I wanna reiterate that I mean no disrespect. but we are allowed to criticise the shows we watch. skam and the skam france fandoms do that more than any other fandoms out there due to the nature of the show. we’ve been doing it since 2016. we’re allowed to criticise shows who make ableist actions (basing this on what my followers who are how or deaf on twt have said). by doing that, that criticism often falls on the creators, because who else? 3/idk

anyway, I really hope u believe me when I say no hate hahhaha. your post just didn’t entirely sit well with me as a bipolar person who’s had to distance myself from skam france due to their handling of that storyline, and in fear of what they will do in the future. and as someone who saw a 14 year old girl get death threats. did u also know an account with 27k followers a circulating a “block list” of accounts to block on twt because they criticised a show? yeah, it feels 4/idk

like the skam fandom is turning into a cult and it’s very harmful and toxic for a lot of people’s mental health. adults (because 90% of the accounts I saw bullying them were women 25+) bullying children over a tv show that is specifically targeted towards teens is scary to see. not saying u can’t enjoy skam if you’re an adult, but they should realise that that’s not the target demographic. as a last thing, yeah, a creator can’t confront all criticism 5/idk

a creator must realise that if he or she is making a show targeted to teens handling high school plot lines, the first priority should be to make sure that part of your supporter base or followers are safe within your fandom. david could have adressed the bullying without addressing the criticism. that’s where I believe he was wrong. anyway, I really hope I didn’t come off as rude!! and I hope u read this all the way through hahaha. have a nice evening!! 6/idk(6)

Hey anon ! Don’t worry, you don’t come off as rude ! I’m not exactly sure of what your point is, though. Most of David’s posts lately were about discouraging the bullying, from what I’ve seen. From how I understood his posts, that was the main reason he spoke up. And I think he had a right to say that there is a tendency to overreact on social media, which we should all be more aware and mindful of.

Some fans’s behavior is really fucked up, especially when they are older, they should know better, I think we can agree on that. There is zero excuse for sending death threats or any sorts of threats. Also that this fandom should be better at both producing and tolerating constructive, nuanced criticism. I saw a lot of Deaf people say they really, really liked the representation this season, and that it was disappointing how people swept it under the rug because of the love drama. Maybe some other Deaf people disagree. There should be a space for a healthy discussion of that and for people to listen more. I’ve been pretty damn critical this whole season so I really believe it when I say criticism should have a space. But there is a difference between criticizing a fictional show and attacking people.

Everyone involved in setting up the rumors surrounding drama should have checked their facts before spreading them, because those accusations are extremely severe, truncated interviews or not (that said the person who edited the interview like that really should have known better). This is not like criticising a plotline, it’s about real people. Also being worried about someone doesn’t give you a pass to insult their friends on their behalf. A friend sent me this info when it first broke out and I waited to know more because it sounded super iffy and heavy and I believe that’s an attitude more people should cultivate instead of jumping into the fray and reacting right away. No matter their age - if they are too young to be held accountable, they’re too young to be on the Internet unsupervised - but nobody deserved a wave of hate either. In general there should be a lot more compassion in a fandom that prides itself on valuing love and understanding.

The thing is, in the end, I don’t believe David is responsible for what the fandom does. The fandom is an autonomous phenomenon separate from the show. His job and that of his team is to create a TV show. He’s not there to be the community manager, fandom police, or babysitter and constantly manage everyone’s expectations and emotions. I don’t think it’s possible for him to know everything that is going on in the fandom and it would be disturbing if he did. Jumping in to correct the fandom’s problems would feel very invasive. It’s not his place - it wouldn’t be doable anyway. He can’t be seen picking sides or telling off people, it would only create further drama and hate. This is another version of the security/privacy/freedom dilemma, and you can’t solve everything by just putting a big guy in the room that tells everyone else what to do. This is something that the fandom is going to have to solve on its own, if it ever does.

In the end could he have handled certain things better ? Sure, but there is honestly no easy way to adress these sorts of dynamics, it’s hella complicated, social media draws the worst out of everyone, and personally I really think the team is trying their best to juggle all the fandom’s contradictory expectations. Seriously the things I’ve seen go around on twitter are just really, really awful and I have no clue how I would personally react if it was adressed to me - maybe a lot less gracefully than they have done. Maybe they should set some clearer boundaries and should have spoken up earlier about the bullying but… idk. If you have any other specific ideas of what should be done…I’m all ears.

Of course like…I personally tend to keep to my own little corner of the fandom, on tumblr and with my friends in chats, and I blocked a loooooooot of people, so I don’t see everything that is going on and my view is limited. But it would be nice if we were a little less focused on slinging blame around.

[artificialqueens]

When I have you, wanna leave you (when you go, that's when I need you) (branjie) - writworm42

A/N: For sohytes, who asked for jealous Brooke. MERRY CHRISTMAS BINCH <3 I know it’s early, but I started this today and COULD NOT STOP. Thank you Holtz for beta-ing and barbie for making sure my Spanish was correct fhdjskh

Title from Waves by Normani ft 6LACK

Jose is having a fine time without Brock, and it’s killing him.

Brock knows that he shouldn’t have looked at Instagram. Not today. He should have given his phone to Steve, should have holed himself up with his family, focused more on that than on his social media feed. But the fans wanted a Christmas Eve message, and so he went live to wish them all happy holidays and torture them with an ugly sweater look sure to make them groan for weeks, and then, well. If he has his phone, checking others’ stories is just automatic.

Only then Vanessa goes live. Not as Vanjie, but as Jose, on his private, personal account. Jose spins the camera around in his usual erratic, enthusiastic manner, shouting and screaming at the hectic family scene unfolding in front of the lens.

“ Live and in colour, the Cancel family Christmas dinner, hoes–Hey! HEY! MAMI! BAJA EL CUCHILLO–”

Brock is the only person viewing; he can see it, the ‘1’ in the corner of the screen speaking for itself in terms of displaying what a pathetic, desperate loser he is. What a pathetic, desperate loser he looks like. Jose probably knows that ‘1’ is Brock, too; it’s a thought that adds insult to injury, yet he can’t bring himself to look away.

Just then, the ‘1’ changes to a ‘2,’ and Brock relaxes–he’s not the only one watching. He’s not the only one who cares what Jose’s doing right now. Sure, he still has no business caring in the first place, but at the very least, he’s not the only one.

His relief is short-lived, though, when Jose’s attention is pulled back on-screen.

“AIDAN!!!” he screams, his voice high-pitched and excited, just like it used to be whenever he saw Brock’s name pop on his screen. “HOW YOU DOIN’, BOO?”

Brock doesn’t wait for Aidan to write anything back, or to request to join, or for Jose to say anything else; he just closes the window and throws his phone onto the next available surface, disgust washing through him like a wave.

Jose has said time and time again that he and Aidan aren’t a thing; that they’re just friends, just like he and Brock are just friends. It’s an expression that’s far from comforting for Brock, considering that every time he and Jose are in the same room, electricity still crackles like it did a year ago, their eyes lingering on each other like the first time they de-dragged in front of each other and smiles plastered on their faces like every other time they’ve been together, laughs rolling and love palpable between them.

None of that has changed, so why does it hurt?

Maybe it’s because it’s their first Christmas without each other, like really without each other, not calling or skyping or texting, bouncing between I love yous and I wanna see yous and other things that Brock likes to think about when he’s alone at night and can’t sleep. Maybe it’s because Brock misses Jose, wants him back by his side as more than just a friend.

Or maybe it’s just because he can’t stand Aidan, and just because he and Jose aren’t together doesn’t mean he’s not still Brock’s.

So he’s a little possessive; sue him. Sometimes, things are worth the agitation.

He plans to leave the phone there, to just go and spend the rest of the night with his family like he should have in the first place, when it vibrates from its place on Brock’s bedside table, so suddenly he almost jumps in surprise.

J: Hey, merry Christmas!

A second text pops up a moment later, a string of orange hearts and Christmas trees that should make Brock smile– would make Brock smile, if it weren’t for the sound of Jose screaming Aidan’s name that kept replaying over and over again in his mind.

He has two options. Be forgiving, or be petty. Be the bigger person, or get down to Jose’s level whenever Jose himself is mad and decides it’s time to give Brock the silent treatment. Kill him with kindness, or kill him with indifference instead.

Hell, he should just kill Aidan instead, maybe that’d solve all his problems.

He shakes off the thought, inhaling sharply before clicking on the text window to type his reply.

Just a Santa Claus emoji; that’s all Jose deserves, so that’s all Brock is gonna leave. One little image, on theme, saying everything he’s feeling without letting it pour out directly.

He picks up the phone again within five seconds and types out a follow-up before he can stop himself.

B: How’s Aidan?

The three dots pop up almost instantly, typing furiously before the texts start to pour in, as mile-a-minute as anything that would have come out of Jose’s mouth.

J: Bitch, really?

J: I told you. We ain’t nothing.  

J: Shit.  

J: You was on that live too, and we ain’t foolin around rn. So how u know me & Aidan are???

Brock’s breath hitches in his throat, his cheeks suddenly burning with shame. Jose is right; he doesn’t know that Jose and Aidan are fooling around. But he’s also sure that Jose knows why he was on that live in the first place; isn’t it possible that Aidan was after the same thing?

B: I also didn’t get a shoutout like he did

It’s petulant and childish, but he can’t bring himself to care. Not now, not when Aidan gets to hear his name on Jose’s lips and all Brock gets is a lousy text.

J: I woulda but I barely had the chance! You left the minute I said his name, bitch

He should go. He should abandon this fight before he loses it, because he knows he doesn’t have an argument or an excuse. He has no right to be jealous, especially since he can tell that Jose isn’t lying; that isn’t Jose.

But then another text comes through, and Brock can’t help but look despite the fear of what might it contain.

J: what do u want from me, Brock?

J: we said we wouldn’t do this no more.

You said we wouldn’t do this! Brock wants to scream, but he can’t—that’s not him. No, as far as he and Jose are concerned, he’s the adult; he lets things go when Jose won’t. And Jose begged Brock to let go, because he couldn’t.

Maybe Brock isn’t as grown up as either of them thought he was.

Fuck it. Brock licks his lips and coughs, suddenly realizing how dry his throat has become. Exhaling shakily, he squeezes his eyes shut and presses a button on the screen, and then the phone begins to ring.

“What, bitch?” Brock’s eyes snap open to see Jose’s face, and even though he looks pissed as Hell, Brock feels relieved.

Now if only he knew what to say. He starts with the only thing that can come to mind.

“Jo, I’m–I’m sorry.” he sighs, closing his eyes again, hoping to block out the world again. But his world is on the other side of the FaceTime call, and he’s waiting for an answer, so Brock looks again, looks back at the unamused face and the hint of concern, of caring, that still lingers Jose’s eyes. “I shouldn’t have gotten jealous. I–I just… I just…”

I need you so badly. I want you here. I’m a stupid, selfish child and I can’t stand the thought of not having you to myself. I need you more than anything else right now. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to let you go.

“I miss you.”

Brock stares at Jose in shock, his heart suddenly torn between speeding up and stopping altogether. Jose rolls his eyes and sighs, covering his face in his hands.

“Brock, look… I just can’t do this no more. All this up and down and back and forth. Me gettin’ jealous and you… You barely seemed to care a lot of the time.”

I do care! Brock wants to yell, wants to make Jose understand just how wrong he is, but Jose isn’t done, and Brock knows that. So instead, he bites his lips, forces down the argument bubbling in his throat, and listens.

“To tell you the truth, only reason I shouted Aidan out was ‘cause I knew you was watching.” Jose confessed. “I wanted to see you get jealous, ‘cause… ‘Cause I knew you’d call.”

What? Brock feels a pit open up in his stomach, one that’s quickly swallowed up by a rush of fire. All of this was just a game, a stupid ruse to mess with Brock’s head, get him up in his feelings, as if Jose didn’t know that he could have just said he wanted to talk to Brock, just fucking called him if he wanted to hear his voice or see his face. It’s inexcusable, and Brock can barely contain the dizzying anger coursing through his veins as he finally chokes out the one question on his mind.

“Why didn’t you just–”

But he doesn’t get the question out–he doesn’t get the chance.

“Because I told you to stay away, and I was too proud to be the one who cracked!” Jose yells, cutting Brock off completely and continuing to speak so fast and breathlessly that Brock couldn’t regain control of the conversation if he tried. “I’m always the one who cracks, Brock. Always. I’m always the one who wants you back. Just once, I wanted you to be the one who was begging for me.”

Brock isn’t sure what to say to that, so he hangs up without a word.

Jose keeps texting him for the rest of the night, but he doesn’t bother responding. Not because he’s angry–he is angry, angry that Jose is always the one to cut things off, then always the one to bring things back together. But at the same time, he’s strangely… Well, maybe happy isn’t the right word, but in an odd way, he’s almost… Hopeful. Hopeful that Jose wants him back as bad as he wants Jose. Hopeful that if he plays his cards right, this time, things will stick.

So he doesn’t ignore Jose because he’s angry; he ignores Jose because he’s thinking, looking at his cards, deciding what hand to play.

He wakes up the next morning with a hangover and a buzzing phone.

“Merry Christmas.” he croaks, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“We got unfinished business.” Jose hisses, his voice gravelly and tired, and Brock realizes with a pang of guilt that the man hasn’t slept. “I been trying to get you to talk to me all last night.”

“I’m sorry.” Brock forces himself up, sighing deeply. “I wasn’t ignoring you, I was just–”

“I know. You was trying to think. I get it.”

“Yeah.”

There’s silence, heavy and suffocating, when suddenly, Brock finds his words.

Not the words he practiced; only the ones he feels.

“I miss you a ton.” he confesses, cursing himself for going off-script, but knowing that whatever happens, he absolutely can’t stop. “Like, more than anything else. You already know that. I just–I wanted to do what you wanted, Jo. You’re always so strong and–and sure of what you want. At least, you look that way. And when I see that, when I see you getting so passionate and advocating for yourself like that… I just love you too much, Jo. I can’t stand not giving you what you want. Even what you want isn’t me.”

More silence, and Brock’s chest tightens with fear that he might have said too much, or said the wrong thing, and that Jose is even more upset than when he first opened his mouth. But then Jose laughs, hollow and short, and somehow, Brock knows he’s finally done something right.

“I really have made a mess, huh?” Jose keeps laughing, though his voice is remorseful, maybe even apologetic. “I’m sorry, toes.”

“I know.” Brock feels himself relax for the first time since the night before, tension leaving his shoulders and back like hundred-pound weights being lifted from his body. “I’m sorry, too.”

“So… we gonna try again now? Is that where this is going?” there’s an edge of hope to the question, and, just for a moment, Brock can’t help but get caught up in it too, can’t help but imagine finally being able to hold Jose in his arms again, say what’s always on his mind again.

Only then he hears stirring in the house, his family finally waking up and filing into the kitchen, and he’s brought back to reality again.

“I’m not sure we’re ready yet.” he sighs, because he hates this, hates being the one to let Jose down again , but he knows without a doubt that he’s right. They’re not ready yet–not if this time is going to be the last. There’s too much pain, too much debris from their last attempts that they’ve still got to clean up first.

Jose says nothing, and that’s all the confirmation Brock needs to understand that Jose knows it, too.

“So what, then?” Jose asks, noise beginning to sound in the background on his end of the line, too. Fuck. They’re almost out of time, and they’ve only just started to actually get somewhere. Typical.

Someone calls Brock’s name, and he’s about to rush out of his room to answer them, when suddenly, something snaps, and he finds his feet rooted to the ground. Maybe it’s the adrenaline; maybe it’s some kind of bravado; heck, maybe it’s Christmas magic. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just the knowledge and hope that finally, he and Jose might do things right. For whatever reason, Brock decides that he’s finally going to break the chain, finally going to stand his ground, even if it means everyone else is waiting for him to start breakfast.

Because sometimes, things are worth getting in trouble with your family for.

“Maybe we start with a few more phone calls, then a date?” he suggests.

“A few more phone calls then a date sounds good.” Jose agrees, and Brock swears he can practically hear the smile that he’s sure is spreading on the other man’s face. “We’ll take it slow, get to know each other again.”

“Sounds good.” Brock nods. “So…”

“So merry Christmas, Brock.” Jose laughs, “Don’t screw up this time, alright?”

“Alright.” Brock grins, his heartbeat picking up. “Merry Christmas, Jo.”

“Talk to you later, toes.”

“Bye.”

He doesn’t say I love you; not yet, it’s not the time. But that will come later.

For now, he’ll savour the gift of a second chance.