#just experimenting with...tools and things

[elbiotipo]

To me there's a deeper meaning, though I don't know how to express it, on people using pathologizing language in education i.e. "cognitive atrophy" "brain damage" as an explanation for learning issues.

Which to be fair, the authors of that paper asked specifically not to be used, but the twitter thread linked on that post (which has 38k notes as of this post, jesus christ) did use, extensively. Using language such as "brain damage", "cognitive atrophy" and how could I forget, "soulless".

However, the authors of the paper also didn't have a good methodology, other people have gotten into it better than myself, but the paper does not really point to any cognitive decline, and the methodology used does not offer long-term explanations. But what I do think is that when we're talking about things such as AIs in education, or any other new technology, we should investigate them as tools used in a social context. Why do people use AI as a tool? How do educators and instutions handle this? In which way this tool worsen education or might, god forbid, enhance it? Here the focus, as so much Usamerican education research at least in my experience, is on almost purely numerical and anatomical (EEG? really?) results rather than any pedagogical studies on the tools and their users. (and those results are very poor too)

And once you go down the road of finding pathological answers to educational issues, you will start finding pathological solutions instead of social ones. Why try to confront social or familial issues, when these students obviously have something wrong with their brains? Hell, why even provide them with education, their brains can't even handle it. Eventually you might as well give up and just educate the worthy ones. If you don't believe me, see how education and mental healthcare in the US works.

For someone like me who believes that education is fundamentally a social institution and that every student comes from a social and cultural background that needs to be understood before the process of learning begins, these studies (or rather, unhinged twitter threads) that claim that a complex process like learning can be understood in pathological terms are profoundly hostile to me.

[nattitopher]

I feel like this has good intentions and comes from a genuine place. But it is still being far to essentialist for me. You are effectively essentializing transmen as being a distinct category from cis men in a way that cannot ever entirely be true. There are some trans men who have more access to the tools the patriarchy gives to men than some cis men. As a class it is 100% true; trans men are not a class that is hierarchically above trans women. Gender itself, however, exists as a performance. And while trans men have less access as a class to the performance of abusive masculinity, the very nature of masculinity as a performance ensures some access. And the people to whom this abusive masculinity are performed on are still victims of patriarchal violence.

Like a trans man who dates a trans woman and then starts to perform patriarchal masculinity to control her is different than a cis man doing the same thing. But if you say “the trans man never had access to that power structure” thats just not correct. To oversimplify, say the trans woman is unaware the man is trans. How, from her perspective, are the situations different?

Justifying this through the idea that “cis people don’t experience transphobia” just shows theres a lack of nuance to this post.

And i get it, i have been through transandrophobia and transmisogny and have been essentially told i cannot experience either. It can seem like the solution is to simply reverse the hate in such a way as to assert the opposite is true.

Most of the way I’ve framed this has been through a more binary lens of gender, because it puts into stark contrast the way things absolutely fall apart.

The thing i feel boils all this down is that some people do shitty things. And when people do shitty things they use what levers of power they have to do so. Anyone can try to patriarchial masulinity against anyone. Doesnt mean it doesnt statistically work more for some groups against other groups than others. And yes that does mean a cis woman can use it against a cis man. Gender is a performance. And just because it is performed wrong doesn’t mean the performance never happened.

"Men oppress women meaning trans men oppress trans women" trans men dont have the power within patriarchal society to oppress people on the basis of gender, trans men are different than cis men

"Omg are you saying trans men arent actually men?" No but if you believe trans people and cis people are 100% identical including in life experience and how theyre treated by society then youre either lying to yourself or youre just plain stupid.

I guess since you think trans and cis people are the exact same then we dont need any protection from transphobia because ig transphobia doesn't exist? Cis people dont experience it and since we're the exact same as cis people ig we're just treated the exact same, better call all the trans organizations and charities and resources and tell em "cis people dont need you so neither do we bc we're the exact same as cis people" y'all are fucking idiots tbh

[zazaiafe2]

The power of sensory immersion for shifting

1) Why is sensory immersion so powerful?

Your brain doesn't really distinguish between an imagined and a real sensory experience

When you engage your senses (sight, sound, touch, smell...), you create .almost real signals.

This activates deep neural networks of immersion and facilitates letting go.

-> Sensory immersion helps to blur the line between CR and DR.

2) Do NOT force visualization

-> "I can't visualize" -> It's not a problem

Many shifters have noticed:

The more you FORCE the images, the more the analytical mind stays active.

The goal: let the sensations come naturally.

You don't need to perfectly "see" everything. You can:

- Feel-> Emotions, sensations.

- Hear -> Sounds from your DR.

- Imagine textures-> Your DR bed.

- Create ambiances.

3) Sensory profiles are different

We don't all have the same dominant sense. Find your strength:

- Olfactory : Imagined smells (perfume, rain, food)

- Auditory : Music from your DR, background sounds (cafes, forest, city, rain…)

- Visual: Blurred decors, dominant colors, symbols, your DR room

- Tactile: Skin sensations (wind, sheets, fabrics…)

- Gustatory: Taste of what you eat there

-> Identify which senses are easiest to invoke for you. Start with them.

For example, you can listen to this ambient sound if you shift to Hogwarts.

4) Scientific help, the role of the Default Mode Network

Your brain has a network that calms down when you immerse yourself sensorially.

This reduces internal dialogue and the "critical mind" that often blocks you.

-> The less your mind analyzes, the more your unconscious takes over, and ego identification decreases.

5) How to let images and sounds come without forcing

1) Breathe slowly .

2) Allow yourself to be blurry.

3) Start with small simple scenes.

4) Observe rather than actively create.

5) Don't look for "perfection", just try to "feel".

-> The more you let go, the more details come by themselves.

You can do a short meditation beforehand to relax and help you be in the present moment.

6) The importance of ASC (Altered States of Consciousness)

Immersion is facilitated in ASC (hypnagogic state, deep relaxation, light trance, it's not mandatory but seems to make things easier).

You can:

- Practice before sleep.

-Do gentle meditation .

- Use appropriate binaural sounds .

-> The altered state allows the analytical mind to disconnect and facilitates fusion with your DR.

Just after meditation you can put a subliminal or alpha waves for example

Julia method link

There are even subliminals that mix theta wave, affirmations and Sound atmosphere.

7) Practical examples according to your profile and what you prefer

- Auditory: Playlist of your DR during preparation

- Visual: Very simple scenes (just a dominant color at first, then an object where you are, and a room if you can)

- Tactile: Feel the sheet of your DR bed, the warmth of the sun, the texture of your DR pajamas

- Gustatory: Imagine tasting your DR breakfast

- Emotional: Feel the emotions you will have in your DR

-> The more you rely on YOUR strong channel, the more stable immersion becomes.

Examples of what people who shift on command can use

8) Do not try to control when the shift happens

-> Sensory immersion is a springboard.

The shift often triggers when you are immersed without trying to control the moment.

- Have fun "visiting" before "leaving."

- Release tension about the result.

- Obsession with the result blocks(Or at least decrease the chances); curiosity opens.

Even if you have trouble visualizing, you can rely on other things or your other senses.

9) What we learn from those who shift on command

Many report that this kind of non-forced immersion is key.

It's a balance:

->Sensory engagement + letting go = smoother shift.

Conclusion :Sensory immersion: a powerful tool, accessible to all.

No matter your profile.

You don't need to "visualize perfectly" .

You only need to play with your senses, let the experience build gently.

Remember: your brain is made for this.

[glitterandwitchcraft]

🟣 TAROT TIPS FOR ANY LEVEL 🟣

Every pack is different in its energy, advice, art, and use. I have multiple decks to use for different scenarios.

You don't need all the fancy accessories so don't stress over them. All my cards are kept in a drawer in their original boxes.

Please don't cleanse your cards by shaking them in a baggie with things, especially coarse things like salt. I don't know what I was thinking when I did this. You will scratch your cards.

If your cards are sticky, try some baby powder.

You can mix incense ashes in baby powder to bless a new deck.

If you're struggling with picking cards from intuition, just wait for the trusty jump out.

Not all reverse cards are the opposite.

The art on the card reflects the personally held meaning from the creator of the deck so not all universal meanings will hold true for every card.

Your intuition will help guide you to messages and meanings.

Tarot is a great tool for meditation and trying to get your thoughts in order.

Sometimes, the meanings can feel kind of fortune cookie like. That's because usually they're there to help paint a broad picture. You can refine this with an extra card or two as well as your own thoughts.

If using tarot for spirit work, leave an offering for both the cards and the spirits and make sure to thank both at the end.

You don't need to use them every day to build a connection to them.

Tarot is a great tool, but nothing is ever 100% and the future is always changing so don't stress if the cards were wrong a couple times.

Developing your own ritual for big readings will help you focus and channel your energy and make the whole experience better.

Tarot takes a lot of practice to get super comfortable, but don't let that discourage you. The time will pass anyways.

You can use different decks in the same reading.

Tarot and oracle cards are two different things but can also be used together.

Cards are flammable. Please keep away from areas with high heat and open flames.

You don't have to ascribe to other's beliefs and rules when it comes to your personal practice. Some people don't do yes/no for tarot and some do. Some treat their decks with utmost sacredness and some don't. It's your practice to do as you wish.

For a personal deck, you can ask it for a card that indicates the reader (you) and a card to indicate anything else you need a reference to. Doing this can also give you insight into yourself and your energy.

[schizoidvision]

Splitting and the Schizoid Experience: A Personal Take

For those of us with schizoid dynamics, splitting doesn’t always show up the way it’s described in most clinical writing. We don’t tend to flip between loving and hating people, or shift from idealization to devaluation in a dramatic way. Instead, our internal compass often revolves around one primary distinction, whether something (or someone) feels safe or unsafe.

This binary creates an internal threshold. Once someone crosses it, it can feel like there’s no going back. Even if the shift looks subtle from the outside, something has been internally reclassified. And that reclassification tends to lead us straight into withdrawal...

1. Safety vs. Danger as a Relational Filter

I think most of us aren’t operating on a spectrum of how much we like someone. Instead, we’re trying to calculate whether it’s safe to keep them psychologically near. If someone feels safe, we might let them orbit us maybe even with a surprising level of internal fondness. But if they feel unsafe, that fondness often shuts down immediately.

It’s not always a conscious decision. There’s usually a felt shift (something in the body, or a sudden distancing in the mind) that signals it’s time to pull back. It can feel like that person no longer exists in the same way. Not because we hate them, but because our inner structure has flagged them as dangerous.

2. Emotional Distance Isn’t Indifference

I’ve noticed that emotional distancing after a breach of safety doesn’t mean we stop caring. It just becomes too dangerous to keep caring actively. It can be difficult to keep someone in view internally without reverting to extremes, either too close or completely severed. So we cut contact, emotionally or physically, not to punish, but to stabilize.

Many of us have trouble with "whole object constancy" holding someone as both good and bad at the same time. If someone lets us down in a way that hits the wrong nerve, it may feel safer to view them only through that new filter, even if part of us knows the full picture is more complex. That awareness doesn’t always override the internal demand for safety.

3. The Role of Dissociation and Detachment

In situations where we don’t or can’t physically withdraw, some of us dissociate instead. It’s like we retreat to another layer inside ourselves. We might still talk, still nod, still function... but we’re not really present. I think of it as shifting operations to a more internal control panel, where emotions are muted, and thoughts are screened.

This is especially likely to happen if a situation feels emotionally loaded, but we don’t have the tools or bandwidth to process it in real time. It’s less about being cold, and more about needing a buffer from what’s coming in.

4. Why We Might Not Return

One of the hard things about splitting in the schizoid experience is that once someone feels unsafe, there often isn’t a reset button. Even if they apologize or circumstances change, the shift in our perception tends to hold. I think this is because reestablishing trust would require lowering our defenses again, and for many of us, that feels more dangerous than staying detached.

This can create long-term isolation, even when we miss the connection. The protection instinct overrides the relational impulse.

5. What It Means to Understand the Pattern

Understanding that splitting can be based on perceived safety instead of moral judgments has helped me a lot. It reframes those internal cutoffs as self-preserving responses rather than cold dismissals. It also helps explain why others may not understand our sudden emotional retreat, because from the outside, nothing has visibly changed.

If we can start to track what makes someone feel safe or unsafe to us, it might be possible to hold more nuance over time... or at least to understand our responses with less internal confusion.

We may not always be able to change the pattern, but recognizing the structure behind it can give us some grounding. That grounding can help us make clearer decisions, and maybe even open a few internal doors that would otherwise stay shut.

Schizoid Education Videos

[xenodile]

Honestly, I don't think I can say that it's just some characters in Nikke that have transfem vibes, fighting against transmisogyny and its effects on society is an integral part of Nikke's story on a fundamental level.

The story is, at its core, about a demographic of women who are othered, discriminated, hated, and objectified just because of who they are. A point is made that only women make up this group. They are simultaneously expected to perform both femininity and masculinity, yet their efforts are not recognized, ignored, or attributed to others. Most of them are immediately "clockable" for what they are, with only a select few able to "pass" as "real" humans. Society at large views them as repulsive and disgusting, but also as sex objects that exist to be used and discarded.

The women in this othered group are treated as machines, objects, and tools, yet are undeniably still human beings with all the same feelings and needs. Like it's emphasized that, for all intents and purposes, they are indistinguishable from normal people but are nonetheless recognized as "the other" simply for their nature. There are in universe slurs for them, there are major plot beats about the hate crimes committed against them.

These women are viewed as disposable, and their independence and rights are seen as inherently violent. Systems are in place to force them into obedience and compliance, and society at large sees any threat to those systems as impending doom. The state labels anyone that advocates for the rights of these othered women as a criminal.

Their lives are colorful and varied, each one unique and beautiful, but all have one thing in common: they were all someone else before becoming the person they are now. Their accounts and feelings about this vary, from seeing their "old self" as an extension of who they are now, recounting the exact moment they made the decision to be the woman they are now and are happy and proud of themselves for it, to seeing whoever they were before as a stranger, someone depressed and suicidal before she finally found purpose and pride after "the change". Others don't bother remembering their past, the person they used to be simply not mattering because who they are now, the name they use now, that is what matters.

The main character of the story is a man who sees what is happening to these women and is told by the status quo that he is not only encouraged but expected to participate in this systemic violence, and is so horrified by the experience that he devotes his entire being to fighting for their rights and trying to support them, to the point that he's willing to dehumanize and sacrifice himself if it means even one of them can be happy. Despite being described multiple times as nigh superhuman and the ideal man, he is functionally powerless and his primary role is to provide emotional support, friendship, and advocacy for the women that actually move the plot and make things happen, because the only way society will take them seriously is if a man vouches for them. One of his and his allies' main goals is to overturn the government and reform society so that these women will not be subject to this objectification and discrimination, and the main method through which this is accomplished is by showing solidarity with those the government deems undesirable, refusing to engage in the systemic discrimination the government enforces on society. Also he gets force femmed, instant lossed, pegged, beat up for being a "robot fucker", dom'd by lesbians, roofied, and much more.

And then we go into the individual character stories, some of which are very bluntly and transparently allegories for real life issues faced by transwomen. Things like parental abandonment after coming out, autism and dysphoria resulting in crippling depression, passing in a transphobic workplace, struggling to have your accomplishments as an athlete recognized, just to name a few. The ShiftUp writing team either has transwomen in it, or have a lot of transfem friends.

[monstersdownthepath]

Monster Spotlight: Gancanagh

CR 4

Chaotic Good Medium Outsider

Bestiary 5, pg. 38

These graceful, fey-like entities are one of many breeds of Azata, the celestial natives of Elysium, and like their brethren they exist to spread hope, bring cheer, and fight Evil wherever it may arise. Like many of their kin, this involves using their at-will Change Shape to assume the form of any number of Small or Medium Humanoids, masquerading as the mundane so that they may better catch villains off-guard, or perhaps offer unseen assistance to actual mortals without revealing their true nature... though UNlike most azata, a Gancanagh (which I'll refer to as Gans or Gancans from here on out) looks effectively like a normal--albeit incredibly beautiful--human or half-elf when out of disguise, so their Change Shape is less for hiding and more for meeting the standards and preferences of their potential partners.

Gans embody all that is Good about free love, sexuality, and experimenting with one's self, and as such they are filled with righteous passion... and an irrepressible drive to flirt with just about anyone and everyone they meet. They're incredibly adept sweet-talkers who, unlike the fiendish succubi and incubi (whom they despise with incredible intensity), mean everything they say. Gans can and will hone in on the best qualities of their current targets via casual conversation, with the intention of inspiring a brief but meaningful romance, pulling people into whirlwinds of passion before breaking away and seeking new love. Rather than leaving a trail of broken hearts in their wake, Gans work tirelessly to assure their partners know that the meetings are temporary but meaningful nonetheless, encouraging them to use their experiences and experiments with the spirits to seek out true, lasting love in whatever form it may be... and sometimes, this means these alluring azata play matchmaker with everyone they bed, introducing them to one another if they think something can bloom between them.

And the thing is? They're rarely ever wrong. Guided by higher forces of passion and emotion, Gans have a knack for saying the right things to the right people... provided they aren't sauced due to their devotion to certain OTHER higher forces. Yes, Gancans are quite the party animals, frequently getting deep in their cups and encouraging others to do the same, if only to join them on the dance floor later without fear of how they look. If you can't dance without music, don't worry, as they can provide via their +13 to Perform (Wind Instruments), always carrying fanciful flutes to break out at a moment's notice to provide mood music.

Gans seem to have an oral fixation (FURTHER JOKES WITHHELD), not only preferring wind instruments, but carrying around elaborate smoking pipes and alluring tobacco blends... which typically sit unused at the Outsider's hip, are held unlit between their teeth, or get offered to other people as bribes, because a Gans' lungs are extremely Vulnerable to Smoke. This vulnerability causes the azata to take a -4 penalty against any gas-based effect, and assures that a single puff from their pipes or any other smoking paraphernalia will cause an amusing and potentially charming coughing fit, no matter how mild the blend.

So, three paragraphs devoted to their lore, but what about what happens when they fight? Well, ideally, there won't be fighting. Gancans are--and I'm extrapolating based on presented evidence here, and could be wrong--lovers, not fighters, and have a few tools to dissolve tense situations. They have potent social skills, possessing a +13 to Bluff and a +15 to both Diplomacy and Intimidate, typically enough to prevent some battles from breaking out one way or another, and if those don't work, they can use Charm Person and Suggestion both at-will to temporarily turn foes to friends... or at least keep them from fighting while there's other people still in the room.

Gancans are known to enjoy the occasional spars and wrestling matches, but when facing down foes with rage in their hearts and murder on their mind, they turn into terrifying but graceful forces. Their Grace allows them to add their Dexterity modifier to weapon attacks instead of Str, and while they can only make one attack a round, it's a painful one: 1d6+6 damage, with a crit range of 19-20. They fight exclusively with +1 mithral rapiers, not only allowing them to bypass DR/Silver common amongst fiends, but making them veritable pinatas for anyone that manages to kill or rob one! Good luck, though.

Gancans are protected by 17 AC, eschewing any armor that would prevent people from seeing their bodies and relying only on their Dexterity and natural armor to protect them, though they also have DR 5/Cold iron or Evil to shield themselves from thrown fists and other light weapons. They have 10 Resistance to Cold and Fire and are completely immune to Electricity damage, though that last one's about as unlikely to come up as their immunity to being petrified at the levels one can expect to be fighting one. Once in battle, Gancans also bless themselves and any of their nearby allies with their 1/day Good Hope, making their attacks more accurate and more damaging, while also raising their saving throws from +4/+9/+5 to +6/+11/+7!

Any creature of similar level hoping to slay one of these fierce fey-likes will also have to contend with their 1/day Mirror Image, producing anywhere from 2 to 5 additional targets to soak up whatever attacks are aimed their way. They may only be able to make one attack a round, but at low levels, the same is true for the party, letting the figments absorb entire turns from the martials in the party as the potent and accurate thrusts from the azata's rapiers carve through their HP and willingness to continue fighting.

If you think that only Evil creatures have to worry about fighting one, though, you'd be largely correct; Gans rarely fight to kill against anything but Evil Outsiders, but they're quite hot-headed and can be temperamental when insulted. Many times in history one of them has been driven to cross swords with a potential ally against Evil because that ally insulted the Gan's promiscuity, or one of their past or current partners... and sometimes these become quite serious, especially if the Gan was compared to a fiend that preys upon lust, such as a Succubus or Incubus. This insult is so grave and the fury it inspires in the azata so fierce that they often fight until the offending party is beaten unconscious, rather than just to the point of surrender.

And before we end, let's talk a little more about potent and accurate t[I SAID FURTHER JOKES WITHHELD]. At will, a Gancan can use Invigorating Passion on any willing creature with an act of passion as little as a kiss, gifting that creature a +1 bonus to attack rolls, an extra d10 temporary hitpoints, and the ability to ignore all penalties from being fatigued or exhausted. Not only does this stack with Good Hope, but the Gan can spread the love as much as it feels like... though there is a slight downside in that, at the end of the hour, the blessed target must make a DC 17 Fortitude save or become fatigued (or exhausted). This downside isn't especially impactful if the azata is nearby, as the ability has no per-day limit and no 24 hour immunity, so another round of Invigorating Passion can alleviate its own downside until the target finally lays down to rest for the day. ... and, yes, I know what you're thinking: this does indeed also cover any fatigue and exhaustion accrued during an extended night's stay with one of these legendary lovers.

You can read more about them here.

[johnnyshrine]

Hello, just wanted to say I'm a huge fan, and your work has inspired me try out making a shrine of my own for a character. Do you have any tips and/or guides on what it takes to start a shrine like yours? Anything helps. Thank you ^^

I am glad I can inspire you! These are the five major tips I have for anyone who wants to start their own shrine. :]

★ FIND YOUR NORTH STAR

// The most crucial component to have a NORTH STAR; a fixed, guiding light you can always call upon, especially when things get difficult and you question why to keep going. Chances are the devoted character is North Star material; perhaps their personality is admirable, or they make you feel warm when you think about them, or maybe you've made a pact to keep on living so you can see the next part of their story release. It could be something else entirely, unrelated to fiction and perhaps taken from lived experiences. Anything can be noble and sacred, so it's up to you to decide your reasons to carry on, but it must mean something important to you personally, and you must be willing to grab it by the horns and sink your teeth into it. You must hunger.

★ CREATE WITH PURPOSE

// It helps to have PURPOSE for your offerings. The purposes can change day to day, but ideally when you make art, at least half of the time you draw there is an attempt to learn something or try something new, even if it's minor. Maybe you want to learn certain anatomy, or want to try out different brushes. Don't be afraid to shake things up or bend rules. I find that with having a daily challenge like this, you have the perfect opportunity to try a whole bunch of things; see what you like and what you don't. Even if you "fail" or don't like the outcome, there's always tomorrow to try again. I find that if I go too long drawing without PURPOSE, I get bored and lost.

★ MEET YOURSELF WHERE YOU'RE AT

// Not every day can be a win, and that's a pill best swallowed early. Some days I just want to sketch a headshot of Johnny looking to the left without thinking at all, and other times I want to plan a fully rendered multi panel comic; both are fine and valid offerings. Do what you can with the time and energy you have, refuse to beat yourself up for anything, because it'll just slow you down.

★ HAVE FUN, BE FREE

// The commitment might not always be easy, but remember this practice is by your choice. Since this is something you do for yourself, first and foremost: it should be fun. If it no longer is fun, something's gotta give. Either switch up how you draw, vent your frustrations, or make extra sure you're taking care of yourself in other life areas.

The way I run my shrine is with maximal levels of freedom; there's no restriction for what works I can make. To some this might be the ideal situation and I'd recommend following suit, some might need more restriction in place to keep the practice grounded. There are no hard rules, except whatever works for you. Impose time limits, restrict your tools, do what works. You might not figure out certain rules or limits until you're 50 days in, even that's fine. Just get started and see what works.

★ AND LASTLY... DO IT FOR YOU

// A shrine might seem like a celebration of a character, an idea, a light, but the real secret is that it's actually a celebration of yourself.

YOU show up every day, YOU create something of someone you love, YOU share it with others. Whether intentional or not, the shrine becomes a diary of daily living, proof that you existed each of these days. The best thing you can do is to follow your heart. Draw what you love, how you love, how you feel. Do everything for you. Love yourself as much as you love the character you're drawing. Become the very light you see in them. 🌟

[numberonesnarkfan]

🍃

[do they feel like they belong?]

Of course!

Harley belongs where he is: alone in his own head.

His perception of it is strange, even moreso after the transfer. It is contradictory; he despises what's been done to him, yet he feels a kinship with the steel and drywall, like this metamorphosis was always meant to be. He always felt like a machine, anyway. Like an object.

He always felt at home in his body only as a vessel, a tool that he knew how to use in an uncanny capacity. After a lifetime of mastering it, it's frustrating to be left void of most sensation and ability. He wouldn't mind it if it weren't for his loss of autonomy.

he was never human anyway.

he knew that since he was a child. There was always something wrong with him. Something evil that made humans hurt him. He internalised it at a young age - that was what had killed his mother when he was born. That evil, that cancer, had lived in him before he had a heartbeat.

Letters had told him the Germans were the ones who killed his father, too, but he knew the truth. It was he who did it. He didn't know how, but he was sure of it. Even as a five-year-old, it was a simple pattern. The common thread was him.

The housemother (he only relented and called her Mother after the fifteenth paddling) taught him of sin. She told him he was crawling with it. She taught him that there was a man in the sky that wanted what was best for him, and whispered instructions to those men who took each orphanage boy into the back of the church, one by one.

But that man in the sky didn't kill his parents. He did. So the man in the sky was obviously fake. Or perhaps he was dead already. Perhaps Harley had killed him, too. He chose to trust his eyes, instead. To place his faith in the real being that defined the law of all things. He couldn't name it, but he knew it was there. He learned a word for it later: Reality. He learned the word for dialogue with it, too: Science. He was delighted to learn humans had been dialoguing with it for millennia.

Like those church men with their sky man, he knew science spoke to him. That was what had hampered humans when they spoke to it - they couldn't speak its language. He could. That was what made him different. He could ask questions, and science would always have an answer.

One day, he met a man who taught him more about science. He taught him in detail about how science lived inside of him, too. He was made of electricity, his thoughts and feelings were science as well. That was what science really meant: knowledge.

He felt he belonged then. Maybe only with one person, but maybe that was okay. This was a new, unprecedented experience: happiness, a feeling of fulfilment. He was hesitant, of course, to trust him, but he was kind in ways that he'd never seen before. He'd smiled and ignored the nagging part of him wondering when it would all burn.

Then the evil in him made someone hurt him again, and the pattern became too large to ignore. He couldn't look away, because it covered his vision completely.

That is what science is, too. Data formed from patterns and observations of consistent results. Consistent, repeated messages: you are not welcome in this world.

If asked, he wouldn't describe his actions as "giving up". He was stronger than that, after all, he knew. Just common sense. "Giving up" only in the same way one might give up smoking or alcohol - giving up placing his hand on the stovetop burner and hoping to feel something other than pain. Hoping to gain something other than a wound he would need to tend to.

Trying to live where he didn't belong would kill him, so he returned to where he did belong: his own mind, listening raptly to the voice of his dream that guided him, and doing his best to tune out the rest of reality.

The world would hate him for it, he knew. But the world hated him anyway; it wouldn't be a punishment. At least they'd know his name. At least children born decades later would know whose praises to sing - which unrecognised genius of his time created a world free of death; free of orphans.

[holdenassistant]

"Oh. I have so many stories. It's been a wild experience, and I've waited so long to be able to actually talk about this kind of thing," He says before launching into his long story.

"So -like- I spawned into existence, replaced my first person, that part was easy. I already mentioned how I freaked myself out and left early because I thought I was doing something wrong, so I won't go into that again. But-"

"For the second person, I decided to go for someone I thought looked cool, right? So I corner them while its dark just like I did for the first person, and it's then that I learned that people have different fear responses. Charlotte? Freeze response. She just locked up and didn't even scream. Arson? Fight response. They looked horrors in the eye and somehow decided that pepper spray would work. Hell, they fought back tooth and nail every time. They even tried to use a mini taser at one point. Worst part? I googled it with their phone after I eventually ate them, and those self-defense tools are illegal. How did they have those? Why did they have them? I'll never know."

"Then finally, I decided I wanted some answers about what I am and what's going on, so I put in the effort to find someone who could get hired at the Institute. Which -again- is definitely haunted and makes me nauseous walking in there, but good lord, the work I put into Holden makes me not want to leave yet. It was a lot of research to find someone who took professional classes that study the paranormal. But when I did find him, I decided to spice things up and try something new. I could have just snuck into his dorm room and killed him in the middle of the night, but instead, I decided to try to befriend him and get him alone as Arson. That was easy. He liked supernatural stuff, so all I had to do was strike up a friendship and offer to go ghost hunting with him. However -and this is the ridiculous part- I discovered a third response: Flight. Holden tried to fucking book it the second I revealed myself. So of course I go after him, right? Well... I manage to catch up to him on the stairs... and he slips and falls and hits his head. I obviously start to panic about him dying before I can get him. But -as you can see- it still worked out. Somehow. Miraculously. I probably would've cried if all that effort went to waste."

There's someone entering the theater, half trying to sneak in and half just walking in. He looks like he logically knows he probably shouldn't be there... but also that he was told to come here. For once, he's out of his typical work outfit and is instead wearing jeans and a Ghost Hunt UK sweater with his hair down. He has a blue satchel over his shoulder, but it seems basically empty. He's still clutching it protectively, though.

"Hello?" He calls before cringing at himself, "Christ, I sound like a horror movie protagonist."

@holdenassistant

Covent Garden was a fond place, for Nikola. Nostalgic, in a way, as it always would be. A true shame it had been abandoned- buried and built upon, but at least in its disuse the stage had been reserved solely for itself. In all honesty, she probably would have chosen it for The Unknowing, if only it didn't lack in resources the museum held more of. And so, the theatre remained entirely hers. Well- usually, there were times of course where she did bring some… support staff, as it were.

Such as now. Good thing that spiralling magician had deigned to give her a heads up that someone had been searching for them, it would be just sad if the poor man had come all this way, sneaking in only to find nobody there to reward him for the efforts. Yes, that'd be very unfortunate indeed. It watches him from backstage, squinting briefly past the curtain. Something about him itches their mind, but they can't quite tell and so she dismisses it for now. He seems normal enough. Almost disappointingly so, really. Dressed like just about anyone from this day and age. Some sort of… paranormal-seeker, maybe, was it just mere curiosity which drove him on?

She chuckles quietly at his comment, the sound carrying throughout the empty space and almost growing harsh in a way as it bounced through. 'Eyes' focused on the lone figure treading along the floor, it snaps its fingers- the sound sharp without any skin or gloves covering the plastic- before pointing to him, the action followed by a stage light squeaking as it moved before the delightful little thwoomsh! as it lit up, putting the man on full display.

"Not a moovie, I'm afraid- this isn't quite that kind of theatre, but surely you knew that much? I'd sure hope that film isn't what you came here for, at least. Though if you wanted a show, we could certainly provide one! Not of the horror genre, mind you, but we could still invoke that heart-gripping feeling of terror nonetheless!"

Even despite the distance, her cheery voice carries clearly- for something that lives on the stage, speaking in a manner that every member of the audience would be capable of hearing is just second-nature at this point. As the words sink in she stalks along to the centre of the stage, still behind the curtain as she begins adjusting her outfit- the bow, the cuffs of her sleeves, her hat, her wig- making sure it was ready for a grand reveal.

[yoku-yukihime]

udongein

[weaselle]

i just want to come back to this with a message for those for whom hope feels totally lost. Something that gives me comfort in my darkest, most hopeless times.

I. am wrong. a lot.

Like, i have been wrong about a lot of stuff. You can't be human and not experience being wrong about things.

So when i feel at my most hopeless, when i look at the world or my life and feel like it is undeniably hopeless, i think... well i can still hope that this is one of those times that i'm wrong. No matter how certain it seems to me, i can hope that i am mistaken. Hell, looking at my track record, it's not even very bad odds to bet that i'm wrong. Even if you're almost never wrong, you're still wrong sometimes, so if you think about it, almost never wrong just means you're probably due something to be wrong about by now.

So, maybe i'm wrong is the hope that gets me through the times my other hope feels absent. And it's been a valuable tool for me, so i thought i'd share it.

"well, then, i hope that i'm wrong" is just bleak and moody enough that it doesn't feel at all like a hollow positive platitude, and just hopeful and true enough to get me further down the tunnel to where i might see some light again. Maybe it can do the same for you. If you need it.

why bother caring about the environment when 1. It’s so obviously a lost cause and 2. There’s definitely going to be a nuclear war?

And what are you doing about it Anon? Learn about ecological restoration or get out of my way.

[door]

i was sending my dad periodic photos of pipes so he could feel involved (it’s important to provide enrichment for him or he starts trouble) and he went through several stages of disbelief and amazement when he realized that i fully intended to handle the entire situation myself and after i admitted to having to hire a plumber he called me and very kindly offered that the previous week he had had to pay someone to fix the kitchen faucet. if that made me feel better. and i said it did but the truth is that it changed nothing. i already know he’s bad at stuff

[galacticglitterglue]

it’s so fucking annoying getting recommended blogs and I’m like “oh sweet! a new fun blog to follow that posts ST things and other cool stuff!!” and then I’m immediately hit with the “I hate Billy Hargrove and if you stan him get the fuck off my blog and stop defending him and stop shipping him and stop trying to change canon and if you post anything about him or ship him get the fuck off my blog and LEAVE!!!” bullshit

girl… if a fictional character causes you that much fucking damage I suggest perhaps maybe filtering his name or blacklisting the tags, you don’t gotta straight up throw a fucking fit about it ???

theres plenty of fandoms or ships or characters I don’t like or don’t give a fuck about, and you know what I do? I just filter that shit out and go about my life. do I ever in my life wanna see content about Hamilton or SuperWhoLock or whatever? No!! do I rage about it and tell people to fuck off?? No!! I just block the tags and let people vibe with whatever the fuck they want to. Even in the ST fandom there’s characters and ships I don’t care for, but do I give a single fuck if people post about them? Hell no!! I just block the tags or filter posts that are focused on things I don’t care for.

The features are free and easy to use, AND you don’t have to be a dick about it either!! Like did we forget this is a fictional universe full of fictional characters that is a tv show and not real life??? Did we forget that these characters have no actual impact on basically anything besides the way you choose to let your ideas of them affect you??

I know this is literally just me screaming into the void, and it really means nothing, but all I can think about when I see people get super fucking pissed off and ANTI (insert whatever here) is this:

[triglycercule]

Thoughts on mtt

they should travel the multiverse together and see and experience a more peaceful life than all of them ever have (⁎˃ᴗ˂⁎)

also they should get to gnaw at each other like rabies infected dogs 🧡🙏

[nocturnalsleuth]

Happy International Women's Day to this fucking thing 🦎💣💥

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