#just letting them know of my sins

[your-local-enigma]

this was an attempt to redesign Bairds that ended up looking like Jotaro Kujo from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

[applecherry108]

I have a theory. .

[librathefangirl]

A Libra NNT Analysis: Meliodas' Demon Secret

Masterlist

Part 1: The Start of a Millennia Long Secret (pre-season 1)

Okay, time to finally get this started. And I want to do that by saying what I've said before, and probably will say again: The Seven Deadly Sins is an anime that needs to be watched (at least) twice. It's like Zaratras says:

Looking back, especially at the earlier seasons, so many things get another meaning when you know the whole story. Meliodas' demon secret is no different. The first time around you get to learn about it along with the characters. The second time around you can see the nuances of it, the symbolism and relation between it and the rest of the story. This is why I wanted to do this analysis series in the first place, to look at the earliest episodes with the perspective of knowing exactly who and what Meliodas is, and see how his demon secret is developed - or rather, how it's revealed. This means that yes, there will be angsty ramblings similar to my previous posts on the subject. I mean how could there not, because a) it's me (and if you know me, you know I love angst), and b) Meliodas really hid who he really was from the people closest to him for so long...

But! Before we get into how Meliodas' secret is revealed I want to take a look at how it was formed. Starting with the why.

Actually, first I'm gonna put a read-more because this got long :) Continue reading for: the reason behind Meliodas' secret, 3,000 years of history, the fall of Danafor, and the Seven Deadly Sins knows... what?

Meliodas' demon secret doesn't actually become a secret until after the end of the First Holy War. Before the end of the war, he has no reason to try to hide it. Everybody already knows what and who he is. For those who don't, well, they soon figure it out. He doesn't hide it; he openly uses his demonic powers and shows himself as a demon, because again, he has no reason not to, and he even admits to being a demon when asked about it. This, to me, is especially noteworthy since this is something we're shown repeatedly that he doesn't do after the end of the war.

After Meliodas and Elizabeth's confrontation with their parents, and the following death and cursing, Meliodas wakes up to a new Britannia. A demon-free Britannia. The war has by then ended, leaving the demons sealed away and the goddesses having lost their physical forms. A new era has started in Britannia. An era where the demons are becoming nothing more than a great evil sealed away by the goddesses. The more years that pass, the more solidified this view becomes. The humans who once had encountered demons, all die or are already dead. By the time of the first season, the demons are just monsters of myth. While there are still some people who know about demons, like Gerheade (who lived through the war) and Elaine, we're also shown that most people don't. They struggle with the idea that such beings even exist, or have a very limited knowledge of demons. We can probably also safely assume that nobody is exactly considering the possibility of a "good" demon. After all, that was already a foreign idea back before they were sealed.

So, given everything we know about this new Britannia and how it came to be, it makes sense why Meliodas would choose to hide the fact that he is a demon. He has no reason to believe anyone would accept this about him. While the world before was also filled with hate and fear towards demons, back then he at least had Elizabeth. And his entire race, even if they did hate him too (but not for being a demon). Now he is all alone, stuck trying (and failing) to protect Elizabeth in a world that doesn't understand demons. People knowing he is a demon would also make it a lot harder for him to live among the humans, which we know he has done repeatedly during in his attempts to keep Elizabeth safe and in his search for a way to break the curse. So, yeah, it's easy to see why Meliodas' demon secret would come to be.

At the same time, I think it's really interesting to point out that while Meliodas does hide that he is a demon and won't even answer the question when directly asked about, he doesn't really lie about it either. He doesn't say he is a demon, but he also doesn't say he isn't a demon or that he is human.

We don't get to see lot of what happens to Meliodas over the 3,000 years between the start of the curse and his arrival in Liones. What we do see is Meliodas, repeatedly, living human lives with Elizabeth's numerous reincarnations. Because of this, the most significant moment we get during those years in regard to his demon secret is the fall of Danafor.

Danafor is an example of a human life we see Meliodas living with Elizabeth, or Liz in this case. From the flashbacks of his times there, provided by the druids' trial, and his interactions with Cain, it's safe to assume that the people of Danafor saw Meliodas as a fellow human - a stupidly overpowerful human perhaps, but a human nonetheless. When Cain learns that Meliodas is in fact Meliodas (and not his son) he is, understandably, shocked. After all, he clearly expected Meliodas to age like a human would and not still look as young. Danafor, or rather the fall of Danafor, marks the beginning of the unraveling of Meliodas' demon secret. This is the first time in who knows how long that Meliodas uses his demonic powers. It's also the first time he's faced with someone who knows who and what he really is (not counting Merlin and Elizabeth with her memories regained) with the appearance of Fraudrin. Even disregarding Fraudrin's future possession of Dreyfus, the events in Danafor (Meliodas' destruction of it and the Coffin of Eternal Darkness) have significant repercussions for Meliodas going forward.

After Danafor, Meliodas life becomes different. Back in Danafor, he was greatly respected as the leader of the Holy Knights. In Liones, he still has respect and status as the captain of the Seven Deadly Sins, but he (along with the other Sins) is also seen as a criminal and sinner. By then, rumors have also spread about what happened in Danafor and Meliodas' part in its destruction. We don't really know for sure what exactly those rumors entailed or how close to the truth they were (they most likely did not involve "demon" or "demonic powers"), they still told a story of Meliodas being the one, not only to destroy Danafor completely, but also kill its citizens.

So, from what we can see, Meliodas' arrival in Liones comes with a new life and a different role. While he is still mostly seen as human, he is also seen as more of a "monster" than before. Both Zaratras and Hendrickson admit to having sense Meliodas' true identity during some of their earliest encounters with him.

That brings us to another interesting thing to look at before I get into analyzing the individual episodes: the extent of Meliodas' demon secret. Meliodas is generally seen as a human, but his secret isn't a complete secret. It's not a situation of nobody knows nothing, as seen above. Of course, how much is known depends on who's perspective we are talking about. So, since it's kind of important for these breakdowns, and it intrigues me to talk about, let's end this part with looking at what the fuck do each of the Seven Deadly Sins actually know about Meliodas in regards to his demon secret?

The most obvious (and also easiest) to start with is Merlin. She is the one who knows the most about Meliodas, seeing as she first met him 3,000 years ago before he even betrayed the demons. To her, there isn't really a "demon secret", only a secret he is keeping from everyone else. Merlin knows Meliodas is a demon. She knows what kind of demon he is and was, his past with the demons and Stigma, even about the curse at the hands of the Demon King and Supreme Deity and what it means for him.

I'm gonna try to do these in order of who knows most, so next up is Gowther, who - well, who the hell knows what he actually knows? But he is the one, next after Merlin, who is the most knowledgeable about Meliodas. Technically, he met Meliodas before even Merlin did, since he was (as his creator's proxy) in the Ten Commandments alongside him. It has also been revealed that the original Gowther was one of Meliodas best friends (Q245, Q&A Corner of chapter 234 in the manga). But Gowther also did erase his own memories prior to season 1, after Nadja's death. Despite this, Gowther is still shown to know more about Meliodas' secret than the others. When the group is first reunited with Gowther, he points out to Meliodas that none of them are of the same race, hinting that he knows Meliodas is not human. Though given his powers, to me at least, it's hard telling exactly how much Gowther knows about Meliodas.

Merlin and Gowther are more or less the only Sins with any real knowledge about Meliodas' secret, but that doesn't mean the others don't know anything. In fact, most of them have gotten some hint prior to the events of season 1, proving that Meliodas' demons secret isn't absolute. Among the remaining Sins, Escanor is the one with the biggest reason, I think, to suspect something. Escanor has, after all, seen Meliodas in his demon form. He might not know exactly what Meliodas is, but he should definitely suspect that Meliodas isn't human. The moment I'm talking about happens during the battle between Escanor and Meliodas, when Meliodas is trying to convince him to join the Seven Deadly Sins. During that battle, Meliodas easily defeats Escanor by releasing his Assault Mode. This means that Escanor saw him with his black eyes and demon mark. Like I said, Escanor probably didn't know what it meant at the time, seeing as he hadn't actually met another demon by then, but at the same time, it stands to reason, that Escanor shouldn't be seeing Meliodas as quite as human as the rest of Liones did.

Now let's talk about Ban. The interesting thing about him is that while, out of the last three Sins, Ban is the one who knows the most about demons, he is also probably the last one who would (willingly) suspect Meliodas of being one - something that he shows later in the first season. Ban's knowledge of the demons comes from him encountering and fighting the Red Demon during its attack on the Fairy King's Forest. This means that his knowledge of the demons as a race is very limited compared to Merlin (though to be fair, most people's knowledge is limited compared to Merlin, especially about demons since, well, very few people seem to know what the demons really are anymore). The Red Demon is also a huge part of Ban's struggles with the idea of Meliodas being one, as he obviously can't let himself put Meliodas equal in any way to the monster who killed Elaine. Still, even if he doesn't want to, Ban has reason to suspect it even before season 1, given what happened with Meliodas' dragon handle. When Ban tried to take the dragon handle, Meliodas cuts him with black flames. This is also the one and only time something has managed to leave a permanent scar on Ban's body since becoming immortal. Both of these indicate, if nothing else, that Meliodas isn't as human as he first appears to be.

Between Diane and King it's a little hard to tell who knows most, because let's face it, neither has much knowledge about Meliodas' secret at this point. Though I would probably have to say Diane does - mostly because I've got an issue with King's knowledge, but more about that later, let's talk about Diane first. Diane doesn't have much knowledge about neither demons nor Meliodas' secret, but, like the others, she has some reason to suspect him not being human. Diane was there and saw Meliodas scar Ban, meaning she saw Meliodas with the black flames just as Ban did. Later, during the events of the Vaizel Fighting Festival, she also admits to having seen "that look" on Meliodas, referring to how he looked while defeating Ban. So, yeah, not much knowing but still some hints.

Now then, last but not least, King. Okay, to be fair, he is one of the Sins with the least knowledge about Meliodas' secret. He also, like Diane, lacks the knowledge of demons in general. He wasn't there during the Red Demon's attack in the Fairy King's Forest and has shown himself to not share Elaine's knowledge about demons, given his reaction to seeing the Red Demon's corpse. He even expresses shock that beings like the Red Demon have actually existed in Britannia. As for Meliodas' secret, when King first meet him in the manga, he literally calls him human. By the time of the first season, King is seemingly still holding this view, later expressing his surprise that Meliodas looks exactly the same despite 10 years having passed.

But I did say I had an issue with King's knowledge, didn't I? Well, unfortunately, I do. It comes with that first meeting between King and Meliodas. As much as I love it, it provides some... inconsistencies, especially in regard to the reveal of Meliodas' demon secret - and since that is what this post is about, it's only fair that we address it. Okay, so here's the thing. King was captured 200 years ago. In the manga page above (first panel, lower left corner) you can even see Helbram's dead body still lying on the ground, proving that it was 200 years ago. Now, Meliodas being there when King is arrested by unnamed knights 200 years before he and Merlin decide to form the Seven Deadly Sins, while a coincidence, is not that unimaginable. But King remembers that moment. He references it to Meliodas in the druids' cave and thinks back to it in the fight against Chandler, which means he clearly remembers the Meliodas 200 years ago as Meliodas and not just some random knight. But then when they are reunited after only 10 years he suddenly thinks it's weird that Meliodas remains unchanged? I just- that is what is happening, right?? Anyway, let's just... drop it for now.

Okay!

So what do we start of with when the fist season begins? Meliodas, who has kept the fact that he is a demon a secret for 3,000 years because Britannia is now "demon-free" and demons are seen as ancient evil monsters; Merlin, who knows everything; Gowther, who knows he is not human; and the rest of the Seven Deadly Sins, who still think of him as human(?). At the same time, the events of Danafor's destruction has set the wheels in motion regarding Meliodas' demon secret finally being revealed to everybody.

Coming soon - Part 2: Cracks in the Mask (season 1 part 1)

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Taglist: @zorria

[compacflt]

I was wondering if you had thoughts about how Ice and Mav's politics don't fully align with their actions? There was a post where you said Ice's politics are more socially liberal than Mav's but Mav is also the one who goes out to La Jolla to hit on guys before Ice, and later again when he's broken up with Ice, but Ice only goes out with women out of fear for his honor or whatever. Same with their respective thoughts on feminism, with Mav's mild respect for Charlie (telling Ice not all women fit the stereotype) but later Ice is the one who sends Juno to Mav's Top Gun class without telling him she's a woman and Ice has a respectful friendship with Juno. I think you said Ice is vaguely on the ace-aro spectrum (demi-homoromantic) which is a sort of fascinating irony that he doesn't have the words for it whereas Mav is the one with the theories about Ice's sexuality. Though with their hypocrisies and inconsistencies this all just feeds into their characterizations of the fact that they keep divorcing their actions from their spoken words from their identities.

okay going to take this point by point

1. yes i have addressed their politics in relation to their actions before, so maybe read this post and this post before you read this one, just to see where my other thoughts line up

2. gay republicans and conservatives do exist (at the very least certainly republicans and conservatives who have gay sex in secret)

3. before maverick is a political actor he is a human being, and the characterization that we are primarily given for him is that he is impulsive and reckless and doesn’t think through his actions. As ive written about many times before—from a story construction standpoint, his thoughtlessness is his number one most important character trait. He is both thoughtlessly dangerous (his hero’s “fatal flaw;” he can’t stop himself from making bad decisions) and thoughtlessly brilliant (the navy’s best and most daring and heroic pilot). He does what he wants without thinking about it; and he makes excuses and hollow promises whenever that plan doesn’t work out (“I know better than that. It will never ever happen again;” [it happens again] “I’m not gonna let you down. I promise.” [goose dies shortly thereafter]). His thoughtless impulsiveness overrides everything else. Maybe the act of having gay sex (to address your “he gets fucked in La Jolla before ice” point) is politically subversive, but for Maverick’s thoughtless character that we are shown in Top Gun, the most subversive possible thing would be to LABEL the gay sex and think through the consequences of it. To call a spade a spade and call himself gay or bi or queer or whatever. That would be the most subversive (and with mav, entirely unbelievable imo) possible thing. That takes conscious effort of thought, something maverick is near-incapable of doing. As long as he can get away with it without thinking about it, he’s politically in the clear, with regards to his character & character arc. If that makes sense. “Don’t think. Just do.” That’s literally his motto lmfao. He represents thoughtless action as an archetype; his politics come secondary to his desires

4. Their “respective thoughts on feminism” are divided into two camps: 1. “Professional as required by the law” and 2. “Sex pest mode.” They’re naval officers in the 1980s. Whether republican or democrat, that’s kind of par for the course. How men treat women can be a performance to other men. Any respect i made them show towards women had broader, more metatextual “need to move the conversation/story from A to B” reasoning behind it. See the first post I linked for much more on that.

5. i never said ice was on the ace/aro spectrum, or if i did i DEFINITELY meant it sarcastically. That could not be further from what i believe. This isn’t something I’ve ever discussed on this blog before, but a MASSIVE part of the philosophical discussion I’ve been trying to moderate within this project over the last year is the question— “do labels even work with characters under these very specific and extraordinarily extreme conditions and societal pressures?” It’s a question I took from my time studying early American history—the contexts of certain environments, and I would definitely count the elite officer ranks of the navy in the 90s and 2000s as one of these certain environments, simply Are Not Conducive to the easier (path of least resistance maybe) ways we civilians handle sexuality and friendship and trauma. There are so many variables and external and internal pressures within an environment like the upper ranks of career navy officers that sexual orientation labels lose all nuance and accuracy. I don’t think Ice (as i have written him) is gay. I don’t think he’s straight. I don’t think he’s bi. I think he’s an unlabelable product of too many variables for labels to have any effect on how he is perceived. Which, in our society built around labels and categories, is admittedly difficult to wrestle with. But doesn’t make it any less worth wrestling with.

6. Yes, ice and mav’s hypocrisy is the linchpin of the entire story.

They’re both trying to have their cake (“honor” and moral superiority based on the harmful traditional subjective morals arbitrated by elite navy officership) and eat it too (a fulfilling relationship with the love of their lives). & the point is that they cant. they have to settle for one.

[ratinthevoid]

why did i believe i can ever come out to her

[birb--birb]

What kind of love are you?

Violet: Love as a Threshold

Your love does not ask for much. Your love does not take. Your love is free, and unquestioned, and here for wherever needs it. When you fall in love, it is as gentle as a breath in the night. It is quiet, and it is effortless. It is tender. If your love was a house, it would readily welcome all who come through. If your love was a hearth, it would warm the hands of whoever stopped by, whether for a day, a month, a year, or forever. When you fall for someone, it is without strings, without conditions, without need. You love for the sake of loving, for the sake of caring for those who need it. You love with a giver’s heart and a giver’s hands and are made so much stronger for it. Being loved by you is to always feel at home. Your love may not always be well-received by those unprepared to linger, but it is unforgettable all the same

The second I saw this answer for Violet I knew it was perfect. Their entire romance with Astarion was about patience. Waiting for him to realize that he's truly safe with them, that they doesn't expect anything from him, that he is in the lead here and they'll follow only when he's ready and okay. And waiting without judgement, Violet knows these things take time and they were more than willing to wait, to be there, to just sit and exist with him while he figures shit out. And when he truly let Violet in, I like to think it was like with a comforting sigh, the feeling of coming home, that feeling when all pressure is lifted and you can just *exist* without fear, without judgement.

Violet has seen violence and hatred and yet chooses to show up for those they love as a place of calm and stability, without judgement, without expectations. Violet's love is patient, it doesn't expect anything back but will give you everything just because we all deserve to feel warmth and safety. They feel so much warmth in their heart that they were able to help Astarion get to a place where he feels safe. I think even if they didn't fall in love or end up together, Violet would have still shown up for him in the same way. They know what suffering is like, they've gone through enough of it themselves and come out the other end alive. They know how much it hurts, but also how much easier it is with someone to lean on.

tagged by @cleric4vampire ty for enabling so many feelies about my bbys

Tagging: @justabiteofspite and @dragon--sage (I know yall were already tagged but doing so again for funzies cause I'd love to hear about your Tavs/Durges) and anyone who wants to join in, please do!!

[aoitakumi8148]

...Born of death, hiding just beneath the flesh ~ desolate, this heart yearns for a reprieve...

𝓦𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓓𝓮𝓪𝓭 𝓦𝓮𝓮𝓹, 𝓘𝓽 𝓜𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓼 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓓𝓸 𝓝𝓸𝓽 𝓦𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓸 𝓓𝓲𝓮.

[v.1-v.6] Some gaps left to fill ✏/✏ ❛The truest three-letter-word... for 𝓟❜ ﴾summary﴿.

The nature of Ergo x Ego is not fully comprehended by humans. ✒ The Creator knows that the memories of the Dead can be regained through puppets… ✒ But their separate awakened individuality is a mystery to him: 𝟙.𝟙 Sometimes, a certain amount of irritation with puppets... 𝟙.𝟚 & the Master’s estrangement from them can be heard in the intonation. 𝟙.𝟛 ‘Just a puppet’ x ‘useless puppet’ x the ‘greatest puppet’ x etc. ↬ clearly indicate: ☑ The Creator has this *conditional boundary in his mind from the outset. 𝒫.𝒮. ‘Humans-puppets’ ↬ ‘Carlo-my puppet that looks almost like Carlo’. ☑ He is driven by a few irresistible, geniune, even unconscious urges: 𝟙.𝟛.𝟙 To convey his unspoken fatherly feelings. 𝟙.𝟛.𝟚 To ‘eliminate the inconsistencies’. 𝒫.𝒮. A matter not so much of obedience… 𝟙.𝟛.𝟛 To bring his puppet closer to humanity. 𝒫.𝒮. As of emotions x their ‘truthful manifistation’ by the creations [...]. This whole idea of returning Carlo has always been critical. The fervent mind is clouded by it, the die is cast... And the man’s fatal ‹trinitiy› key to understanding is hidden beneath his fixation.

The Creator is in no condition to admit the ‘family reunion’ is a misleading utopia: 𝟚.𝟙 The fellow is positively a lifeform with something individual inside… 𝟚.𝟚 But he cannot be the exact reflection of what he is de-facto not. 𝟚.𝟛 To say nothing of the Carlo’s grievances x the KOP situation… It is not the gone flesh & blood’s smile. There is a moment when the Achiles Heel x the ‹intoxicating› persuit of phantoms overcome the Genius, but…

Geppetto grows to love 𝓟 as well. ✒ Some especial innocence x relaxation take over when he is with the Ergo-eyed child. ✒ ‘Carlo’s organ beats long before 𝓟’s, but 𝓟’s Ꮼ starts beating anew, dissimilarly. ✒ ‘True Ending’ is principally dedicated to the boy & his Ego: 𝟛.𝟙 There is no objective point to zoom in on Carlo when ‘RB: TALHEA’ exists. 𝟛.𝟚 Geppetto already apologizes to the gone child once in it. 𝒫.𝒮. I do not see a valid reason for him to: ✒ Redo this act and, on top of that ☑ rephrase the apology, change the tone, express other emotions. 𝟛.𝟛 The *contrast of Geppetto’s countenance ↬ ‘RO𝓟’ & ‘RB: TALHEA’ ↫ is also symbolic. ☐

What is 𝓟's Ego? Where are its roots? Currently, I depict it as... «the ‹conflict› of the Carlo's Ergo and the environment from which the 𝓟uppet's independent notion about human feelings-interactions-habits-etc is absorbed, his systematic ways to ‹deal› with them are formed».

The long pause between the words, the never before seen shock, the comprehension. What is far more natural and illustrative in the eyes of the Creator: his puppet's rejection to do something, or its ability to cry? Why would his mind relentlessly insist that it is Carlo's response if the canonical purpose of the ending is ‹doting the i's & crossing the t's›? Why would the grown-up 𝓟uppet purse his lips ruefully if he is ‹never recognized› as a real boy by the technician?

In these unknown refined surroundings, the one representing your world has to disappear so that only at death's door, through the portion of further pure suffering ~ he could see, distinguish the you. The price is destined to be fierce...

Several chances to hear the ‹son› word addressed to others, the Dead or the Nameless... & only 𝟙 is the most truthful... because it is yours... Because in this concrete intimate bit, there are no ‹heats of the moment› behind it anymore, no ‹intoxication›, no ‹clouds›. Only you, your Father, and the dying light of the rosiest life you should have had together...

It is impossible to earnestly love a human who, both literally/metaphorically, has not inevitably filled you with the part of the being you would willingly desire to ‹crack open› your own best self for. It is impossible to cleave to mere nothingness, an absolute illusion. Why live if you do not love, do not feel, do not have faith in anything? Pain... is a precious gift, too.

[torchstelechos]

Im only on season 1, so pardon me if this has been explained or at least acknowledged, but why the fuck are the brothers still in school? Its been on my mind for ages now because they’re how old? Literal eons? Okay, how long does it take to graduate from education? 20ish years? Okay cool, how the fuck are they still in the education system. Are they dumb? Are they teachers? Are they there to relearn information as technology and science has evolved over the years?? What the fuck are they doing??

[sysig]

The Sleepy Parable (Patreon)

[cyeayt]

being autistic in the mormon church

being autistic in the mormon church was, for me at least, a weird experience. because i wasn't excluded or mocked very often, just smothered in that strange warm beige obligation. because they could tell, they knew i was different just like i did. so they held my hand, told the other children to be nice to me, to make sure i felt included. and my peers did, cause they didn't have a choice, raised to be polite and kind no matter what just like i was. so i was included and invited places, always as an afterthought or a checked box but invited nonetheless, injected into conversations and games by adults that my peers wouldn't dare contradict. 'well meaning' adults who ask me if im okay or if i want to join the group, talking down in the sweetest tones. every christmas and on every birthday they still track me down to give me a card about how much they miss my 'unique perspective', even though i always tried my hardest to fit in and say the normal things.

"Look at that one. it's different and broken, but you must be kind to it. help it stay in the light of god, because god is the only way to save it. we're good, and righteous, and its so lucky to be in the church because we're the only ones who'll ever tolerate it, because that's what god wants."

and i miss it sometimes. standing on the edge of people who i desperately want to be friends with, flitting around in the back of stores and staring at concert posters indecisively until the date has passed. never finding the right spot in a conversation to talk, never working up the courage to ask if i can come too, i miss the people who had to be nice. who had me on a little list in their mind of what they need to get to heaven.

but im never going back. because even i could feel that it was fake. i felt watched and judged and pitied at all times, by peers who would ask me if i was coming then talk amongst themselves about jokes i didnt get and shared friends i didnt know. and i may be lonely now, but id rather do the work and be awkward and sick with nerves and find people and spaces that i actually want to be in who actually want me to be there, even if it seems impossible now. id rather that than go back to that warm suffocating place, familiar like the worst kind of family.

also telling that all the adults im talking about are either women/afab people or members of the bishopric, people whose 'job' it is to be welcoming and nurturing, though these experiences are mostly from young womens so that would also be it, but even women who arent involved in the yw leadership are raised and taught and obligated to do this and i dont blame any of them but its always made me wildly uncomfortable. never as much as random men who would sit down next to me and just start talking like we knew each other tho so eh

[undefeatablesin]

*breathes deeply* My brainrot is so out of control at this stage, I cannot draw fast enough to keep up with my own demands lmao so I would like to know; would any of you also be interested in reading some fics about Ruza/her time in the hunt/her relationship with both Arianna and Adella etc. If I actually wrote and posted them? As like supplementary material to Altar and future comics especially. There is a whole series of moments that leads to where Altar started, so 👀

[newvegascowboy]

part of making Cato was bc i wanted to give Red a love interest (which im still working on) but it also gives me a way to get Red to Phoenix post game. Cato like haha btw i know where your mom is. also you have three siblings and Red is like WHAT

[goldentigerfestival]

if there is one thing i will never recover from with crestoria's crossover being gone for good, it's that we'll never ever know the story behind transgressor yuri.

if there are two things i will never recover from with crestoria's crossover being gone for good, it's that leon and aegis' loyal friendship will never ever return.

[horrorsequel]

godddd

honwstly can't chalk up my issues to Childhood Trauma for the most part since im still living with my parents and going through the same bullshit. my dad doesn't scream at me anymore but like nothing else is different. everything is still my fault and I'm not allowed to have feelings and if i dare show them i am met with disgust, blame, or even just straight up ignored. i fucking hate it here and theyre always fucking patting themselves on the back about being good parents so i know they think that everything about me is completely my fault as if im choosing to be messed up because i HAVE TO BE cos look at my sister. shes married and shes got a good job and shes getting a phd. but im a fucking failure and im the only one to blame. who cares that im disabled its my fault for not having the strength to just push through and be normal. my feelings dont fucking matter and when things are bad enough that i cry in front of my mom she wont even look at me or address it and tries to just talk about something else but if my sister calls her and cries on the phone she talks all gentle and sweet. i seriously think im going to explode. i juat want to disappear. my sister will always be perfect and i will always be garbage and theres fucking nothing i can do about it.

[phantasmaw]

Came to a realization earlier today at work that nothing scares Sovann (both in default verse & genpact verse) as much as a kind deity.

I could easily extend that to kind individuals in general, but considering their (insofar) fraught relationship with the divine and those perceived as divine, a kind deity is nothing short of terrifying for them. Cruel gods, impartial gods, distant gods, ambivalent gods, fair gods, quiet gods-- they know how to contend with those well enough. They won't default to violence the way they were taught purely out of spite, but that doesn't mean they won't antagonize. The genuinely kind ones, though, the ones who handle all matters in grace, who prioritize their followers but welcome those not of their faith with open arms regardless, who can look at filth and offer a gentle smile, those are the ones that petrify them to the point of immobility. Especially if that kindness is extended towards them. The fear doesn't creep in. It grips them all at once, it strangles them and fills them with nothing but frigid terror and panic. Because... why? Why, then, did all that have to happen? How are they supposed to contend with knowing kindness did (and does) exist, and yet things ended the way they did for both them and their siblings? Logically, they cannot wrap their head around that such cruel fates weren't deserved. Lowly creatures born of sin and night should be conquered, not cared for. Even if they refuse to accept that's how they were naturally born, that's what they were inevitably molded into. They should claw their way through all the wrong in the world to earn scraps thrown off the table. But they also deserve everything good in the world, don't they? A kind deity only further exacerbates the paradoxical dichotomy that they are stuck in: I am nothing and therefore I deserve everything, I am everything that could have been and therefore deserve nothing.

It also exacerbates their maladaptive responses to what most regard as basic social etiquette/empathy. They were conditioned to revile a world they wanted (and still desperately do want) to love. It makes them want to bite, maim, kill. Ironic, considering it would prove those long-dead false gods right. The only thing that would hold them back from going for the throat in those moments is that fear. What comes after kindness? They don't know. And it's not the unknown they fear, but the prospect of finding out. Naturally curious as they are, there were a great many things that were off-bounds for them-- that was chief among them. And it would be betrayal of the worst kind, wouldn't it, to thrive at the cost of the mercy they gave their siblings with sliced throats?

I know it's a bit of an elementary observation given the types of trauma Sovann holds, but kindness really does scare them. They don't know how to hold it. Especially not from anyone divine or anything touched by divinity. And, well, isn't nearly anything in the world touched by divinity in some way or another?

[quatregats]

So ready to fill my brain with facts about early 19th century Catalonia to write Aubreyad fanfic, so unready to actually write said fanfic